#its very easy to get me stressed about this game | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

mochamadeleines · 1 month ago

Text

Sweethearts and Sweet Dreams <3

“Nothin’?”

“Mhm.”

“Whats behind your back then?”

You sway in place, trying to suppress a knowing smile. “I dont have anything behind my back.” (6.4k words)

tags!! - 18+ modern au! Husband! Joel Miller, Wife! Reader, you guys are happy and in love!, mutual obsession if u squint, lots of exposition im so freaking sorry, pervert Joel if u squint, praise kink joel if you squint, dumbification if you squint, written for those with daddy issues lowkeeyyyyy, written with game joel in mind but could be hbo joel no problem!, lowk i combined the two in my mind, mentions of shy old man joel, housewife! reader (by choice), unspecified age gap but reader is like. thirty? and joels Like...55??, talk about joel taking medication for his anxiety, p in v sex, dirty talk, public sex, outdoor sex, joel has a kink for dresses because i said so? service top joel if you squint, pet names, a pinch of jealousy and possessiveness for fun, playful banter, mentions of maria and tommy and their baby with a made up name Lol, mentions of ellie and sarah (rip), mentions of readers past abusive relationships, talk about joel struggling with substance abuse/addiction and being hospitalized.....Im sure u can theorize why </3, lots of lore ill get into in another fic MAYBE *smirks*, flip flop in perspective, sometimes showing what joel is thinking or what reader is thinking blah blah

authors notes!! - hi there!!! im mocha and this is my first joel fic ever + my first fic posted to tumblr!! im really nervous cuz i havent written anything in months and ive never written joel before so please let me know if you like it!! id love to write more of this au for u guys if theres a demand for it...Thank u for reading!! also barely proof read im ngl. ive been staring at this fic all day im sick of itttt. p.s i dont usually write smut i also kinda do idfk Is this bad or am i tweaking

You step out of the house, morning sun soaking into the roots of your hair and the driveway beneath your feet. Theres a package youve been waiting for.

You cant contain your grin as you wiggle it out of the hot prison that is your mailbox.

“What the hell are you doin’ out there barefoot?” Joel chastises you from the front door, leaning his elbow on the frame. Joel, your lovely husband of two years. Been together for five. And because of how hard he works, you have the privilege of being a stay at home wife. Some people think that sort of life is stifling, but youve never felt so free. No more jobs you hate, no more financial struggles. Just you, Joel, and your cat, Cement. He likes to pretend it isnt a totally hilarious name for a pet.

You were his first relationship in almost a decade, so it was a lot of work helping him unpack his anxieties about dating, and a lot of work for you to feel safe and unafraid. Honestly? Youve been mistreated by enough men to land you in the psychward.

But Joel never yells at you, he never breaks things when hes angry or threatens to hurt you. He might raise his voice every now and again, but its never because of something you did. Sometimes the stress of life is just too much.

He works hard, he loves his daughter- daughters- and he would do anything to keep you happy. Whatever you say goes, he says. Even now, you hardly argue. Of course you have disagreements, or off days thatd lead to one of you being especially moody, but the both of you do your best to communicate.

Behind that rough exterior, is someone who just wants to be needed.

You first met Joel at a youth center you volunteered at, he taught guitar, you taught arts and crafts. Joel says it was your smile and sense of humor that charmed him. It was his singing and southern accent for you.

Your favorite thing about Joel is how soft he gets around you. He says its because you make it easy to be soft.

Joel was a shy lover at first. He would get nervous just kissing you, or holding your hand. While most people become intimate very early on in their relationship, you and Joel didnt do anything sexual for the first five months of you dated. Sure, you almost did, plenty of times, but he would get so overwhelmed and cut things short. You broke two of your vibrators during this era of your relationship. Embarassing.

You remember your first time very vividly. Joel had worked back to back doubles trying to meet a deadline, and on the final day, after having barely spoken to you for almost a week, you had shown up to his house, unannounced. You were wringing water out of your jacket when he swung the door open.

“How-” Joel blinks a few times, stepping forward to examine the rainfall. “How long you been out here?”

“Not that long,” You lie and pick up the container you brought off the porch chair. Part of you had a hard time mustering up the courage to even knock on the door. Droplets of water cascade down your chin. “Hi, sorry. I know youre tired.”

He shakes his head, voice soft and warm. “S’fine. Now c’mon, youre gonna get sick.”

Youre seated at the little dining table next to the kitchen now, trying to let the sound of the rainfall ease your nerves.

Joel was quick to grab you a towel, and does the honors of drying your face and hair with it. “Why didnt you jus’ call me? Woulda gotten out of the shower faster if i knew you were gettin’ soaked out there like this.”

“I dunno, sorry.”

“An’ whatd i tell you about apologizin’ all the time?”

“Sor- Uh. Right. Okay.” You tighten your jaw. No more.

Joel moves behind you, now squeezing water out the ends of your hair. “Whas’ that?”

“Oh!-” You peel back the lid, showing it to him. “Old fashion cake donuts are your favorite right? I remember you saying you liked eating them with your coffee in the mornings so…I made these. Youve been working a lot lately and I wanted to do something nice for you.”

Joel gingerly grasps the container from your hands, looking into it. Theyre a warm golden brown, outside evenly fried, and the sweet scent of them hits his nose right away.

“I was just gonna leave them on the doorstep and call you to tell you they were there, but I wanted to see you.”

His adam's apple bobs as he swallows the dryness in his throat. Youre too good for him.

“Thank you very much.” He presses a kiss to your damp hair. “Now, lets get you into some dry clothes.”

Joel gives you a t-shirt and a pair of his boxers to keep you modest while your clothes wash and dry.

You wait patiently on his bed for the hot chocolate he promised you before you showered. Theres nothing to watch on the tv, so you just turn it off and reach for the lamp on his nightstand instead.

He comes in quietly, and sets the mug down beside the lamp. You finally come into focus, clear as day even under the low lighting.

“You uh.. You look nice.”

You blink. “I look nice?”

“In my shirt.”

That gets a smile out of you.

Joel tips his head towards the mug. “S’hot so, give it a few minutes. Dont want you burnin’ your mouth.”

You nod. “Okay.”

Hes sat beside you now and the two of you sit in silence for a while. Its not awkward, just the kind of silence where both of you want to say something but just.. Cant.

Joel unravels first. “Missed you, y’know. Just been tired.”

“I know.” Your voice wobbles, and Joels jaw tightens like hearing you sound so sad stings him. “I missed you, too.”

He slides his hand over yours, giving it a squeeze. Its okay.

“Hey Joel...Can I stay the night?”

“Sure. Id really like that.”

While you drink your hot chocolate, you and Joel catch up. You both talk about work, and about your new found interest in baking. Joel teases you about your lack of cooking skills, you do the same. Youre both useless.

When its time to climb into bed, neither of you can actually fall asleep. Joel rolls onto his side, away from you and the window. You follow, curling up like a little cat against his back. The sensation is nice for the both of you.

You speak up after a little while.

“Joel?”

“Mm.”

“Thank you for letting me stay.”

He scoffs, voice thick with exhaustion. “Like I'd force you to leave after you brought me such a nice present.”

You let out a little giggle, “So if i didnt, youd kick me out?”

“Id think ‘bout it.”

You gasp, gently shoving at his back. “Thats mean…!”

“S’really not.”

“Oh yeah? And what if I poisoned them?.”

“Then itd jus' be a regular day of your cookin’ then.” Joel reminds you, lighthearted. Too many times where you left the shells in your eggs or burnt toast or left the bacon on the pan for too long.

“You cant get mad at me for my dark past when you made a perfectly good sirloin taste like horse leather.”

“Ugh. Dont remind me. That was like putting a one-hundred dollar bill into a paper shredder. How do either of us stay alive again?”

“Uh. Digiorno?”

“Digiorno.”

After a few moments, Joels rolling over again, and hes guiding your head to settle against his chest. Your arms wrap around him, and his arms around you.

“Joel,” You whisper. He hums. “Im cold.”

“S’cause youre not wearin’ any pants.”

“And whos fault is that?”

“Still yours.”

“I was left out in the rain like a sad, sopping wet cat. One that was left in a box all alone with no family…” You pretend to sniffle. “Dont you feel bad for me?”

Joel sighs, not saying anything more except making sure the part of the comforter behind your back is tucked into your side so the cold air doesnt get in. When hes done, you do a little shimmy up his body, and throw your leg over his hip. Oh no.

Hes alert now. Very alert. Be normal. Joel hesitates, licking the dryness off his lips. “Uh. Feel better?”

“Mhm.” You push your face into his throat, cat-like, before settling down again. Hes like a radiator.

Actually scratch that, he cant be normal.

“Darlin’.” He rasps, patting your back to get your attention.

“Mm?”

“Your leg. Move it.”

A few beats pass. “Why?”

“Because…” Wow, he didnt think hed get this far. You shift forward and Joel lets out a quiet exhale through his nose, one that couldve been masked by the rain if you werent so close.

“Are you-”

“No! No. Its- Its not what you think-” He cant see your face in the darkness but he knows you feel the semi-hard struggling through the confines of his pants. Lame.

“Joel,” You say, soft. Your hands slide up his arm to cradle his jaw. Lightning flashes into the room, giving you a glimpse of Joels tight expression. He whispers your name back, just as soft.

“This is normal.”

Its normal, it is! Except for the fact that you guys havent had sex yet. The stress of being intimate is too much, kills his boner in a blink. The longer he waits the worse the anxiety gets.

“I-I know.”

You place a hand on his chest, feeling it pound away like crazy through all the soft muscle.

“Youve been taking your medication, right?”

Has he?

The silence of him thinking is proof enough. “Joel-”

He sighs, rubbing his eyes through the darkness .“I know, I know. Shoot, Im sorry. I just forget sometimes.”

“Its okay.” The pad of your thumb strokes the tops of his cheek, and you press a tender kiss to his mouth to soothe him. “...Want me to remind you?”

The softness of your lips has him a bit dazed. “Huh?”

“I said, do you want me to remind you? I can- You know, call you before you leave work. Make sure you take them.”

“You know I wake up at five-o-clock in the mornin’ , right?”

“I know.”

In a whisper, “Okay.”

Joels rough palms trail down your back and stop at the curve of your butt, finger tips delicately tracing the skin above your shorts. You shiver.

Barely above a whisper. “We dont have to go all the way.”

He says your name again, laced with worry. He doesnt want you to feel pressured.

You pull your leg off his hip and push yourself up, settling your hands on either side of Joels head.

“Can I tell you something?”

“Yes-”

“-And you cant get all in your head about it. You stay here, with me. You stay present.”

“Okay, okay.” He nods, a bit defeated. “I will stay present.”

“When you...When you say you dont wanna have sex, what is it that youre thinking exactly? I know you said you just get really nervous but I feel like youre not being totally honest.”

Joel stays quiet, idly rubbing your sides. Maybe you are a cat. Just getting to feel any part of you is soothing. “I jus’ want you to feel good. ‘Fraid ill do somethin’ you dont like.”

“You cant assume how I feel, Joel. Being intimate.. It takes time to learn what the other person likes.”

He sighs. “I know.” Youre always right.

Adding on, “Like I said, we dont have to go all the way,” You lean further back, situating yourself on his hips. He lets out a shaky breath when he feels the pressure of your ass through his sweats.

“But, I want to start somewhere. I want to feel you.”

“Fuck- Um-” Hes shaking now, letting you grind your hips down onto him. Joel cant seem to control the way his hips instinctively push up to meet yours. Youre both becoming of a mess of little gasps and hot breaths and tiny whimpers already.

You hunch forward, guiding his hand under your your shirt- His shirt- letting him feel up the supple skin of your stomach, then the area where your ribs are, then your-

“And I want you to feel me,”

Surprisingly, you did actually go all the way that night.

Your sex life was a bit of a rocky start, but after Joel got over most of his anxiety, you learned quickly just how goddamn insatiable he was. Five years in and he still regularly makes you sore.

There are a couple things you learned about him and his sexual interests. He loves to take you in his truck, in your kitchen, in your bathroom, on your couch. Other, riskier places. Anywhere that isnt your bed apparently, not that he isnt fucking you there either.

Joel is handsy, so handsy infact it embarasses you to no end, especially when youre infront of others. Thats usually how it starts, too. First he kisses you, then gropes your hips and your ass, and the next thing you know, youre cumming on his fingers. Then hed bend you over, or get you on your back, or make you ride him. Is it really riding if hes just slamming up into you until your brain turns into mush?

He likes that too. Making you not think.

Youd be lying if you said its only ever him. Sleepy morning handjobs before work, whining to him over the phone and touching yourself to his voice, arching your back into him while you're washing dishes, sucking him off after hours in his office.

And while most men prefer lingerie or little costumes, Joel likes dresses. Dresses that are discreet so he can take you in the backyard when he comes home early and sees you gardening. Or when youre both at a friends house and hes had a little too much to drink and finds himself alone with you. Dresses that make it easy to play his favorite game with you. I touch you, and you make sure we dont get caught by being too loud. Joel really is the worst sometimes.

Now, you only ever wear pants when its cold, or to bed or sometimes when youre lounging, like today. Youre in some shorts and a tank top. Otherwise, its dresses all year round, usually retro styles or ones meant for spring. Joels not picky though, he loves any dress on you.

Even if you wear an extremely modest, white lacey sleep dress, looking like some kind of vintage ghost, the man would still keep you up all night. And he has. He said you looked like a princess. You guess you kind of did.

The entire thing is like an unspoken arrangement between you both. He doesnt tell you to wear them, you just do.

And he works hard to spoil you, so why not buy as many cute dresses as possible?

You got a cute dress today too, on the same day Joel has off. You think its going to be a new favorite of his.

The big polymailer stays hidden behind your back. Be casual. “Uh- Nothing!”

“Nothin’?”

“Mhm.”

“Whats behind your back then?”

You sway in place, trying to suppress a knowing smile. “I dont have anything behind my back.”

“Lemme see then. Show me your hands-”

“Hey, Mrs. Miller!”

Both you and Joel turn your heads to the voice, and only one of you has the energy to fake a a smile. Your neighbor is stopping in his driveway, having come back from a jog it looks.

“Hi, Lee.”

Joel really, really, really doesnt like Lee. You dont like him either, but youre not one to cause problems. Lee on the other hand, is. Hes a bit younger than you, and a lot younger than Joel. Hes one of those tech dudes with a massive ego, thinks that youll be swayed by his money and his “charm” and youth as if youre some sad housewife in need of saving. Gross.

And another thing, Lee doesnt even actually live here! Hes here ever so often to visit his dad between, you dont know, tech expos? You forget. Joel believes he started showing up more often to see you.

Youre walking towards the porch again. Joels looking especially unhappy to see him today, knuckles pulled taut into a fist. His lips stay pressed into a thin line, careful not to let anything slip out. He usually lets you do most of the talking, as much as it pains him.

Joels really not a fan of the way Lees eyes take a trip up your bare legs. Little shit.

“Out with no shoes again, Mrs. Miller?”

“You know me, Im uh- Im weird.”

“The weird ones do it best.” He smiles, all teeth. It gives you the creeps. His attention is on Joel now. Its like watching a puppy try to one up a wolf. “Right, Joel?”

“Uh huh.” Whatever that means.

“Actually, I've been meaning to ask you something, Mrs. Miller.” Lee crosses into your driveway and you glance briefly at Joel, as if to make sure he isnt going to start growling at the other to stay away. Youre clutching the package to your chest now.

“Have you ever been to a support group for uh- you know, the spouses of addicts? I have a friend from work and shes really struggling.”

Lees tone is sugary sweet, but the fake kind you put in diet soda except that stuff is way better. Joel sighs from the door. You stand there, dumbfounded on the porch steps because what the fuck is he going on about.

You clear your throat, keeping your voice firm. “No. Ive never needed to.”

Joels voice cuts in like a knife. “Been clean for almost twenty years now.”

“Yeah but, you know,” He shrugs, squinting a bit under the morning sun. “Relapses happen.”

Joel and Lee are at a stand still, and the moment Joel lets the arm leaning on the frame drop to his side, you know youre in for a lot of trouble. You move quickly towards the door. “We have to get ready for a- uh- a thing? but Im sorry about your friend.”

“Thank you, Mrs. Miller. Im doing my best to support her.” And before he turns away, he just has to be slimy to you. “If you need someone to talk to, Im here for you.”

“No, that really wont be necess-”

Joels slinging a strong arm around you to yank you back inside before shutting the door.

“Motherfucker,” He hisses to himself, stomping through the walkway and into the kitchen.

“How-” You rub your eyes, letting them adjust to the light inside of the house. You put the package down onto the bar counter that opens up the kitchen and follow Joel to the fridge. “How does he know?? I thought-”

“Been living in this house for decades now,” His expression is tight, brows knitted together while he chugs a bottle of water. “People talk. ‘Specially if I'm being rolled into an ambulance on more than one occasion.” Joel frowns. “Fuck- I shoulda punched him in the fuckin’ face- Do you see how hard he tries so hard to flirt with you infront’a me?”

“I know, love. I was there.” You take the bottle from his hand and set it to the side, then wrap your arms around him. “Try not to let it get to you okay?”

Joel sighs into your hair, giving your body a squeeze. “I know, I know, but jus’ hearin’ him tryin’ta use my baggage to make a pass at you…S’fuckin’ evil.”

“I agree, but I dont want his blood on the driveway.”

“So get it on his driveway instead, got it.”

You giggle and tip your head up to kiss him. The tension eases from Joels shoulders, and he cups your cheeks, letting his worries melt away into your mouth. When the pads of his fingers start to slide under your tank top, youre leaning back. Youll be here for a while if this goes any further.

Joel mindlessly chases your lips, looking a bit pouty now that its over.

“Im gonna start getting ready for the barbecue, okay?”

“This early?”

“I like being punctual.”

“My brother wont give a damn if were late.” He noses your jaw, pressing a kiss here and there. Your knees are beginning to feel weak. The bastard is trying to distract you.

“But I do. The farmers market opened today, and I promised Maria I'd get her fresh strawberries before we got there, remember?”

“Alright, alright.” He grumbles into your shoulder.

Joel lets you go, watching you round the bar counter to get your package and disappear upstairs.

Ever since you came down to a freshly showered Joel, and got into the car with the gift bags you prepared for Maria and Tommy, Hes been staring at you. One wrong move and the drools gonna start pouring out of his mouth.

Your hair is in its relatively natural state, freshly washed and shiny from the oil you put in it. You put on some light makeup, and went a bit heavy handed on the blush to look sunkissed, and topped it off with a flavored lip gloss Joel especially enjoys.

Now, the dress. Its a pink floral mid-length dress, with a low cut sweetheart neckline and a corset style backing to cinch your waist and push out your chest. The material is thick and pretty, and there are two other layers under the skirt to keep its shape. You have on a pair of little pink pumps with little bows to match.

The drive to the farmers market is fairly peaceful, the windows are half down and theres music playing at low volume on the radio. You and Joel have different tastes in music, but one genre you can always agree on is alternative rock.

The weathers beautiful, sun high in the sky, and its not too hot or humid. The day really is perfect. Youre gonna soak up some sun when youre at the barbecue. Hopefully, they made lemonade again too.

Joel has been mostly quiet throughout your shopping. While it would worry some, youve been with him long enough to know that he just has a lot on his mind. What hes thinking about? Maybe youll learn when you make it back home at the end of the day.

You gasp, strolling through the grass to a stand with a mountain of apples. Granny smith, Macintosh, Pink Ladys, Honeycrisp, the works. He grunts, trying to keep the things that are already in your basket steady. You came for strawberries and are going to leave with much more than that.

Joel nudges you softly. “Remember, this is quality stuff, meaning itll go bad faster. Dont get too much.”

“Okay, got it.” You beam, and then begin inspecting the Pink Lady apples first, trying to find the ones with the best color. He keeps the basket within reach so you can drop your picks in.

"These were Sarahs favorites."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah, it was funny 'cause we started arguin' over these or Red Delicious. I think Red Delicious is better."

"Thats so cute! Hmm. Should we get one for her? A Pink Lady?"

"Uh," He thinks on it for a moment, unsure, but the smile on your face helps him make a decision. "Sure, why not."

You drop two perfect Pink Ladys into the basket, moving onto the next pile.

“Hey, Joel.” You grin, holding out a wrinkled granny smith apple. “This one looks like you”

“Ha ha.” He deadpans, and grabs it from you to put back. In turn, hes reaching for the runt of the pile. A pathetically small one sitting near the bottom. “Now this one looks like you.”

“Does not!”

“Does too.”

The next stand has golden kiwis, and youre practically dragging Joel forward to try them. You ask for one, and the man at the stand slices it into halves, giving you a plastic spoon to go with.

You let Joel smell it first. “S’good.”

“Lets see if it tastes good.”

You sink your spoon into it, humming when you see how soft and easy it is to scoop out. In your mouth it goes!

Its tastes sweet, a bit mango-y and fucking delicious. You bounce in place, spoon feeding Joel next. “Oh yeah,” He smiles, smacking his lips a bit to really let the taste settle on his tongue. “Were takin’ some of these.”

You take one, then two, then three and four then five and as you reach for the sixth one, Joels stopping you with a gentle hand.

“Darlin’.”

“Right.”

For the next few stands its just you and Joel trying various kinds of fruit. Starfruit, blueberries, some mangos, and then youre going back to the truck.

“I think my favorites were the mangos and golden kiwis. I hope Maria and Tommy have enough space in their fridge for all of this.”

“They moved into a bigger house, I reckon their fridge s’probably bigger, too.”

“What time is it?”

You let go of Joels arm so he can switch the basket from one hand to the other.

“‘Bout…” Hes squinting at his watch. “12:34 in the afternoon.”

“Oh! Guess we got the shopping done sooner than I expected. Hmm. Should we stop somewhere in the mean time?-" You snap your finger when you remember something. "They opened up this cafe that has cats in it! We can drink coffee and play with them for bit! The next fourty-five minutes will go by super fast."

“Youre gonna make Cement jealous.”

You bat your hand dismissively. “Hes not gonna caaare.”

“Oh yes he will. And remind me again why we named our cat Cement?

“Uh, we were both drunk and had gotten him the day before without a name picked out?”

“A whole year later and we still kept it. Worst pet owners ever.” Joel chuckles, opening the passenger door for you like he always does.

“Thank you.”

“Mhm.”

The giant basket of fruit goes into the back seat next to the gift bags before Joel slots himself into the drivers seat.

You fumble with the radio a bit, trying to see what else is on but ultimately landing back on your preferred station. Theyve been playing a lot of Linkin Park recently. Hell yeah. Joel buckles himself in at last, and pulls out of the parking lot.

“Marias gonna teach me how to make baked chicken,” You hum, gazing outside the window.

“You sure youre not jus’ unteachable?”

“Ha ha,” You lightly shove his shoulder, making him smile. “I thought you loved the meat sauce pasta I learned how to make.”

He settles into his seat more comfortably at the stop light, elbow rested on the window. “Got me with that one. Think I like ground turkey over beef, though.”

“Yeah? Me too. The beef tastes better but the turkey is lighter. Stops me from feeling all sick.”

“Agreed.”

Youre looking out the windshield now. Where did all the buildings go? Youre out of the city.

“Uh, Joel?”

“Mm?”

“Where are we going?”

“Somewhere to kill time.”

“Yeah but where?”

“Youll see.”

Your brows pinch together. “I see a whole lot of nothing except for trees."

“Almost there.”

Joel makes a hasty left turn onto some campgrounds. Your stomach starts to twist into excited knots. Is he gonna show you a baby deer or something? Bunnies? He used to be a park ranger for this area, and would tell you stories about all sorts of baby animals hed run into.

The car comes to a stop, and he turns the engine off. Silence.

“So…Were out in the woods to kill time?”

“Mhm.” Joel unbuckles his seat belt and twists into the back to grab the spare jacket he usually keeps there, then gets out of the truck and comes around the back to open the door for you.

He holds your hand to help you get down from the passenger side, and as soon as both of your shoes hit the ground Joel is on you.

You dont know where your hands should go, youve kissed Joel a thousand times and yet you still get so flustered when he catches you by surprise. You keep your hands on his shoulders for now, letting him press wet kisses to your neck and shoulder.

“This is new right? The dress?” He gives your ass an appreciative squeeze through the fabric. “Thought you looked so pretty when you came down stairs in it.”

Your heads spinning. Something about your dress?

“Woulda been okay if you let me have you earlier.” He pulls away, examining your flushed face cradled by his hand. Every part of you just fits so well in his palms. “Then I thought, why not have you now? We got time to spare.”

“Joel- We- Someone could see us-” You sputter, and Joels already shaking his head with a knowing smirk. He pulls you around to the bed of the truck, popping it open, only pausing to spread open the jacket he grabbed, just having just thrown it in there when he came around to get you.

“No ones gonna come lookin’ for us.” He turns you around, pushing you down onto your front. “As long as youre quiet.”

Fuck. You really hate this game. At least, you like to tell yourself that.

Blood rushes to your ears while Joels rough palms lift up the skirt of your dress, exposing your ass and thighs to the cool air. He whistles from behind you.

“Red lace panties?” His fingers dont shy away from tracing along the fabric covering your cunt. “This new too?”

You crane your neck over your shoulder to look at his face. “Uh.. Surprise?”

Joels smiling now, fingers dipping under the lace. “Thas' awfully sweet of you.”

His touch slips and slides around your growing wetness, then trails down to your clit. Your voice wobbles a bit and fuck- fuck hes going too fast. “Joel- Ah-” You whimper and try to push yourself up to look at him but his hand is steady on your spine, keeping you down.

Smug, “Go on, sweetheart. Keep sayin’ my name. Jus’ like that.”

A whine escapes you when he pulls away, “Nooo.” You push your ass back, as if to entice him. You succeed, because hes skipped his usual routine of fucking you with his hands and is now unbuckling his belt.

Joel rolls you onto your back, and peels your underwear all the way off, bunching it up and shoving it into his back pocket. Your face burns just watching him.

“Think i'll hold onto these for a lil’ while.”

His hands push the back of your knees towards your chest, exposing your heat. Youll never get used to the way he just seems so interested just watching your cunt squeeze around nothing.

“Thats-” You swallow, pushing yourself up onto your elbows. "Joel.”

“Relax." He coos, "Seen it a thousand times already, and ill be seein' it a thousand more. Get used to it, honey.”

Your attention flickers down to where his dick is about to meet your entrance. Joels nudging you down onto your back again and pulling the top of your dress down to expose your chest. Its when youre distracted that he actually moves to push himself in.

Both of you groan together, and Joel could never get bored of fucking you, not when your cunt just pulses around him everytime hes inside you.

Joel wastes no time fucking you once he eases all the way inside. Youre trying your best to keep quiet. Shit is no easy task. Its like Joel is trying to get you guys arrested.

He props himself up with a hand near your head, and lets the other keep one of your legs pinned open. The moans start to claw out of your throat. “Joel- Joel-”

“Shh. Thas’ enough.” He growls through his teeth, fucking you harder. “Youre gonna- Gh- Get us caught-”

Something rustles between the trees, making you both freeze. You clasp your hands over your mouth, watching Joel straighten up to look around.

After a few seconds of squinting, Joel can see a few foxes moving about through the trees. Thank fuck. His shoulders visibly relax.

Hushed, “E-Everything okay?”

“Yeah, jus’ some animals.”

And like that, hes back to it. His dick is going to make your eyes permanently stay rolled into your head.

Joel is always just so handsome when hes pounding into you. His forehead gets shiny with sweat, and his jaw is tight from clenching his teeth, keeping himself quiet so he can focus on your moans. His face is noticeably redder against his usual farmers tan too. Really, hes just so attractive.

A flurry of yes and harder and fuck spills out of your mouth and into your palms. Not too loud, you try to remind yourself.

“Joel- S’too much-”

“Nah, thas’ not it.” He huffs, humorous. “You can take it. Y'always do. In fact, you love gettin’ your cunt bullied by me, aint that right?” As if to get his point across, he thrust in all the way to the hilt, making you keen. You forgot how to breathe, lungs drawing tight in your chest.

"Fuck," You manage to squeeze out.

Your palms push weakly at his shoulders, trying to ground yourself somehow. His head drops to the junction of your neck and shoulder, inhaling deeply.

“You good?” He checks in, breath hot on your skin. As if your crying isnt enough.

“So g-good, Joel- Fuck- Youre so good.”

With a little nod, Joels pushing himself up, switching to slow and deep strokes, really digging himself into you, and trying to find that spot he likes to call home.

He massages your chest, then squeezes your sides and your hips and finally, his thumb finds your clit. Immediately, you jolt.

“Oh fuck-”

“Quiet.” And he says it to keep the charade going, even though his favorite thing is hearing your sobs.

His thumb rubbing incessantly against your that sweet little nub of yours. You choke, and Joels chuckling, watching the way you squirm, body not knowing whether it should lean into his touch because its too good or away because its too much.

It starts with this firey feeling under the pad of his thumb, then deep inside your stuffed cunt. Youre going to cum.

Your hands fly to your mouth again, and you get all wide eyed from the sensation. Its cute. Your muscles pull taut, legs locking around Joels hips. Youre wailing into your palm when it happens.

“Good girl,” His voice soothes you through it. “Very good.”

He pets away the fly aways sticking to your sweaty face when its over. Your eyes drop shut while you catch your breath.

Joels moving again now. He rolls his hips a few times, and thumb is building the foundation of another orgasm in you. Youre shaking badly.

Your words slur too, “Cant- Too soon- Joel- Joel-”

“Another one.” Joel says firmly, but breathless.

Youre gasping, not sure where to focus your eyes. The trees around you look like theyre spinning. Your attention is back on Joel, whos looking rather satisfied watching you squirm and cry. If thats how wants to play, then fine.

Your hands slide up Joels biceps, and rests on the nap of his neck to bring him down. “Juh-Joel,” You pant, cradling his face with both hands. “Youre so good- The best-”

Oh, Joel likes that one, you can tell by the way he looks away briefly. Shyness. Excitement runs up your spine. Joel loves being told hes doing well.

“You are- Nghh-” You swallow the drool in your mouth, trying to get the words out clearly. “The best husband I could ever ask for.”

Joel wheezes, head dropping into the curve of your shoulder. “Please.”

“S’true,” You nod rapidly, fingers curling into his hair. “Youre so good to me and-and youre mine and- Joel- Im yours.”

“Jesus-” He groans, soaking up the feeling of you pressing kisses to his face and up his jaw.

“Hhah- No one else can have me, okay? No one- Not even-”

The name doesnt even come out of your mouth before Joels coming to a stop to slip his arms all the way around your middle. With the new leverage he has on your body, hes drilling his way into you. You fucking squeal, rules now long forgotten. Youre a useless ragdoll in his arms and he wouldnt have it any other way.

Your lips are shiny with spit and left over lip gloss, and he can still taste the mintiness in his tongue. Every now and again your eyes drop shut, but his dick just punches into your guts a little harder. Look at me.

Your brain is mush, just the way he likes it, and youre perfectly pliant in his arms, babbling over how good you feel. Hes kisses along the valley of your breasts now, stopping to suck the flesh of your nipples.

Youre just so pretty. Even when you have bedhead, or youre snotty from a cold, or youre all dirty from working in the garden youre still so pretty. Including now, all sweaty with you lipgloss all smudged and your mascara starting to run. Youre perfect.

Joel grunts loud, jaw clenched tight as he gets lost in the feeling of your insides. His perfect little wife.

When he cums, hes doubling over with a loud grunt, getting a few last thrusts in before his spent floods your cunt.

Youre blinking away your tears, now watching the clouds inch along the sky. It really is a beautiful day. You pet Joels sweaty hair, and kiss the side of his temple. Your core throbs faintly. Jesus, he did a number on you.

“Love,” You say softly, patting his back.

“Mm?”

“Get up.” Another pat. “Youre squishing me.”

Joel backs off to buckle himself up, but you stay seated to catch your breath and adjust your dress. At least it didnt get ripped during all the… Commotion. Not like last time.

“I need my underwear back.”

“Nope,”

“Joel.”

He kisses the center of your forehead and helps you down from the bed and into the passenger seat instead. “Told you i'm keepin’ ‘em.”

You sputter, “I cant go to barbecue commando!”

“Sure you can.” He pops open the glove compartment and gets out some tissues, hand snaking under your dress again to clean you. You sigh softly at the sensation.

“Youre the worst.”

“I am indeed the worst.” Joel pulls the seatbelt over your chest and clicks it in. “You can tell me all about it on the way to Tommys.”

#joel miller #the last of us #hbo joel miller #the last of us part 1 #the last of us season one #tlou #joel miller x reader #joel x reader #joel miller x you #fanfic #mocha writes #joel miller fanfic #pedro pascal #modern au #smut fic #might cross post to ao3 idk...#pleeaaaase tell me if u guys like this #glaze me glaze me glaze me #Lie 2 me and say u love it...

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kyracooneyx23 · 5 months ago

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You're My Little Secret - Kyra Cooney Cross

Kyra Cooney Cross x lionesses!reader

summary - kyra's coming to arsenal and none of the girls know that you already know each other very, very well.

warnings - nothing except its kinda crap, lot's of rambling. (let me know if you want me to make this a series)

Kyra x Sunny masterlist

Kyra Cooney Cross was Arsenal's latest signing, the young Australian leaving Hammarby to come and play for one of the biggest clubs in England. Most of the girls had known for a while now about her joining you since before the world cup.

Since the news was properly announced, Caitlin and Steph had made sure to send multiple essays on all the group chats about making the girl feel as welcomed as possible.

Unlike Kyra who had already played for two clubs, Arsenal becoming her third, you were much like Leah Williamson, you'd been with Arsenal since you were 8 and had risen up to the top through the academy and now were a frequent starter for the senior team.

Arsenal had become a home for you, and you never planned on leaving. All the girls had become your family, every single one of you shared a special bond. That's what made Kyra coming to Arsenal so awkward.

You didn't mean to keep such a big secret from everyone, you and Kyra had just wanted to stay private. No one knew, not even Katie who was like your older (extremely annoying) sister or Vic who was your best friend. Kyra hadn't even told Mini and Charli. You just never felt the need to tell them.

Only one person even knew the two of you had met before, but she didn't have a clue that you were together.

Even when they would constantly pester you, trying to get you to go on dates you just let them go on, always ignoring them.

But still after over a year of calling Kyra your girlfriend, not a single person knew about the countless kisses the two of you had shared, or all the nights you'd spent with only each other.

Nobody knew all the coffee dates or the late-night walks.

Nobody knew of the hours you'd spent on facetime when you were away from each other.

It was hard acting like you hadn't already known the girl for 2 years and been dating for 1 and a half of them. But it was better that way. You'd seen how crazy fans went about trying to prove that Katie and Caitlin were dating and the stress that had caused on their relationship, and all the times when they felt like they had no privacy. You and Kyra didn't want that. If you didn't tell anyone, not even your teammates and friends, there was no chance of the public finding out as long as you stayed discreet. But that was easy considering the two of you had a long distant relationship and no fans even knew the two of you had ever spoken to each other.

It was going to be harder now though.

Kyra had received many offers from clubs around the world, but when Arsenal had offered it was a no brainer that she would join the red and white team. She would do anything to be able to spend more time with you, a nice change to the normal distance in your relationship.

A few days after the news Kyra had joined was announced, it was her first day at the club. And for you it was your first time seeing most of the girls as you had been out since the end of the world cup with a minor ankle injury missing out on the games against Linköping and Paris FC in the champions league qualification.

Vic was the first person you greeted as she walked in, practically dragging her feet along the ground. You leaped onto your best friend wrapping your legs around her, forcing her to give you a piggyback.

'Get off me Sunny.' She groans trying to shake her body and get you off. You just wrapped your arms tighter around her neck resting your chin on her head.

Sunny was the nickname you had received when you had begun properly playing with the senior squad. The girls had been talking about you when the topic of your bubbly personality came up. You can’t remember who, but someone said something relating you to the sun and ever since then the name Sunny had stuck.

'But I haven't seen you in ages.' You complain before giving up and sliding down her body and landing on your bottom on the floor. A small pout on your lips. 'I hate you.' It was meant to just be a whisper but she still heard you, resulting in a kick in the head.

'Get up you big baby.' The Dutch girl demands, and you do as she says following her to the room where most of your teammates already were.

You go around the room giving everyone a hug, except for Steph and Caitlin your favourite people to annoy on the whole team. You tugged at both of their hair as they were facing away turning away almost immediately and diving into conversation with Beth and Leah.

You didn’t get to say much though, as a pair of hands turn you back around and your greeted by two pissed of Aussie's faces. Y/n L/n,’ you wince at the full name, the girls only ever saying it when you were in trouble, ‘we haven't even said a word to you and you're already annoying us.' Steph gives you a stern glare and you smile sheepishly.

It was well known by almost everyone that you loved to annoy your older teammates.

'We've only just gotten away from Kyra and now we have to deal with you, and her when she gets here too.' Caitlin groans, 'Do you reckon Jonas will let me resign and go play in a foreign country?' You grin cheekily at her, knowing that she really loved you. Katie often joked that you were like Caitlin's child as you always came to her whenever you had problems, and she always had your back.

'It's ok Cait,' You say, giving her a light pat on her shoulder 'I know you hate to admit it, but you love me.' She rolls her eyes at you wrapping you up in a headlock, you wriggle around, making weird, suffocated noises as you try to escape her grasp.

It's almost like fate that Katie walks in in that exact moment, you slip out of Caitlin's grasp and sprint over to the older Irish girl. 'Katie, you need to sort out your girlfriend.' You tell her urgently 'She was trying to kill me.' Katie laughs, looking over at her girlfriend who is back talking to Steph. The Ireland captain was used to the playful banter you and Caitlin had, often having to be the one to step in when you both took it a bit too far.

'Do I not even get a hello?' She teases you causing you to roll your eyes and poke her in the stomach. 'Oi, I'll get Caitlin to put you in another headlock.' She threatens.

'Please. No!' You plead, putting your hands up in defence before running over to Lotte. You slung your arm over her shoulder. 'Carlotte Mae Wubben-Moy.' You grin watching her face to see her reaction at her full name.

'You know how much I hate it when you call me that.' You don't have time to respond to her when Steph and Beth come and join the two of you.

'Is she annoying you as well?' Steph asks Lotte, giving her a sympathetic look as she sees your arm over her shoulder and your signature cheeky, smug grin that you always have whenever you are annoying someone. 'God you and Kyra are going to get along like a house on fire.' She tells you, her face slightly scared as she thinks of all the pesty things you and Kyra would do upon meeting each other.

Little did she know that you and Kyra already got on.

You’re about to respond but don’t get to as Jonas walks in. A hush settling in the room.

'Hello girls.' The Swedish man shoots everyone a smile as you all move to sit down on the chairs so you're facing him 'Special welcome back to Sunny, so nice to see you again after the break, congratulations on your success at the World Cup, you played brilliantly,' the mention of the world cup sends a stinging pain through you. You still hadn't fully recovered from the loss in the final to Spain, you were so close to winning and were still devastated that you couldn't get the result. 'Before we properly talk about the season ahead and reflect on the games against Paris fc and Linköping, I'd like to welcome our newest signing who I am sure will play a massive part in helping to lead us towards success. I am sure you already know who she is but please welcome Kyra Cooney Cross to the Arsenal family.' Everyone claps and some people even cheer as the Aussie comes into the room.

You almost immediately make eye contact with her who had been searching for you the moment she walked in. You have to bite your lip to hold back a large smile.

You hadn't seen her since the Lionesses had played the Matildas in the semifinals. You had been too busy recovering from your injury so you could be back in time for the start of the season to have time to properly catch up with her, so it took all your self-control not to get up and run into her arms.

She goes and sits with Caitlin, not wanting to make it weird if she went and sat with you.

You turn to Alessia who is sitting next to you, the two of you have a short conversation while Kyra is settling in, before you have to listen to Jonas talking about important stuff, but it was pretty much the same talk he had at the beginning of every season.

When he lets everyone go and do a light gym session, before proper training after lunch, you are almost immediately on your feet and heading into the gym.

You talk to Alessia but are hardly paying attention waiting for Kyra to come out wanting to say hi to your girlfriend. When she does, she's with Steph and Caitlin who are pointing at all the girls, probably telling Kyra all their names and stuff about them. You'd already done that over face time.

When Steph points to you and Alessia, you make eye contact again. This time you smile and wave at them. Kyra says something to them that you can't hear but they begin to walk over to you.

'I don't know if we should be doing this.' Steph says anxiously, who you can hear now since they were getting closer.

‘Doing what.’ Your girlfriend asks.

‘Introducing you and Sunny, you’re the biggest pests in the world.’ Caitlin tells her.

'We'll probably end up regretting this moment when they start stealing our boots every training session' Steph says and you grin at the left back.

'That's such a boring prank, I've got much better ones planned already.' You laugh and Caitlin rolls her eyes.

'Kyra this is y/n, but everyone calls her Sunny, Sunny this is Kyra.' Caitlin says to the both of you. It was weird hearing people introduce the two of you like you were strangers, but you played along with it anyways, not wanting to raise suspicions.

You pull her into a hug, and she wraps her arms back around you in return. You almost melt into her warmth, the familiar smell of her perfume consuming your nostrils. You could stay in Kyra's arms forever, but you know it would look weird if you stayed like this for too long.

'Nice meeting you.' Kyra says holding her hand out for you to shake. Her acting skills were terrible, she sounded like a robot, and you had to hold your breath so you wouldn't laugh at her.

'I look forward to playing with you this season.' You say back, knowing you probably sounded just as awkward as she did. You shake her hand, and she smiles slightly when she sees one of her rings on your finger. When you let go of each other Kyra turns to greet Alessia, this time the interaction seems more natural.

'It's going to be a tough race to see which one of you is more annoying.' Steph tells you as you and her watch Kyra interact with Alessia. You're not trying to look like a lovesick puppy, but as Caitlin looks at you from the side it's all she can think of, she tells herself she's just seeing things though, you can’t be looking at Kyra like she’s your long-lost lover. Right?

'I need the toilet.' Kyra whines to Steph after a while as the five of you are walking to the weights area of the gym.

'I'll show you where they are.' You say almost immediately, cringing at how eager you sounded to show a girl, who supposedly you were only meeting for the first time, where the toilets were. You played it off though missing Caitlin's small frown of confusion before she shrugs and says she'll meet Kyra at the cafeteria at Lunch.

'Don't get up to any mischief.' Steph tells Kyra in a way much like how a mother would talk to a child 'you don't want to make a bad first impression.' Kyra nods and you both watch as the two older Australians walk away.

'Lessi, you coming?' You ask the blonde striker, who shakes her head. 'I'm going to go and see Lotte.' She says leaving you and Kyra alone.

As you and Kyra walked off, you felt almost giddy. You had time just the two of you for the first time in ages. When you were out of sight from everyone else, yours and Kyra's hands intertwined.

'I've missed you so much.' She whispers a small smile cracking on your face.

'I've missed you more baby.' You say, turning around and holding open the door for her stepping to the side so she can enter. 'I'll wait out here for you.' A small frown forms on her cute face.

'I don't really need the toilet.' She tells you as though it was obvious 'I just wanted to spend time alone with you.' She steps closer to you placing a hand on your arm.

You two had been in moments like this too many times to keep count, but that didn't stop your heart from racing. Every time you were with Kyra, whether it be on facetime or in person, you'd constantly be questioning how you got so lucky to have a girl like her.

When she's so close to you that your chests are basically touching, you close that small gap placing your lips on her. Your hand holds the back of her neck, keeping her as near as possible, whilst hers sneak underneath the fabric of your training top running up and down your back. The contact of her skin on yours gives you shivers, turning into putty at Kyra's touch.

As the two of you were sharing a passionate moment, Steph and Caitlin were doing warmups in the corner of the gym, their voices were hushed but intense.

'I don't know, Steph.' Caitlin whispered; her brow furrowed with suspicion. 'Did you notice how they were acting before? It was just… off.' Steph nodded thoughtfully, adjusting the weights before her next shoulder press.

'Yeah, it was weird. Like they were trying too hard to act normal.' She glanced around before leaning in closer. 'Do you think they're hiding something from us? Like, maybe they knew each other before, and they've been keeping it from us this whole time?' Caitlin eyes widened with realization.

'I think you might be onto something. How else do you explain why Sunny was so eager to take Kyra to the toilet. and the way she was looking at her.' They exchanged knowing looks.

'Should we ask them about it?' Steph asked her Aussie teammate who just shook her head.

'Let's just see how the next few days go,' Caitlin says, not wanting to jump straight to conclusions 'There's probably nothing even going on and we're just overthinking. Sunny can be very friendly, that's probably it.' Steph hums in agreement the two of them changing the subject to Steph's upcoming wedding.

Back in the toilets you and Kyra were still making up for lost time. The two of you had moved into the bathrooms, you were sitting on the sink your legs wrapped around Kyra's torso. She had undone your plait, so your hair was now loose, all knotty from her hands being tangled in it.

When you pull away Kyra's eyes are glued to your face. The midfielder memorising every single detail almost as if she was never going to see you again. 'God your gorgeous.' She mumbles placing a light kiss on your jaw, you lean your head back a slight sigh of pleasure escaping your lips. Kyra uses this as an opportunity to place wet kisses all along your neck but you're quick to push her away knowing it would look strange if you came out of the toilets with fresh hickies littering your neck.

'Not now.' You tell her when she pouts, your quick to slide off the sink and readjust your t-shirt. 'We should get going before anyone notices we’ve been gone for a while.’

‘But I’ve only just got to see you.’ She complains clinging to your arm like a koala clings to a tree. ‘five more minutes? She begs giving you puppy eyes that you normally found it very hard to say no to.

‘I’m sorry Ky, but we really got to go otherwise they’ll start wondering where we are.’ It takes a minute of persuading Kyra, and then fixing your hair and hers before you’re walking back out to where everyone else is.

‘I’ve never heard anyone call you Sunny before.’ Kyra says.

‘Really? Surely you’ve heard someone call me it before, everyone does.’ You say slightly shocked, even your parents had started calling you Sunny.

‘Nope, never have.’ The Aussie answers ‘I think I’ll stick with babe and my love. You know, the names only I can call you.’ She sends a wink your way and you shove her lightly.

'Who said I wasn't seeing anyone else?' A teasing grin plasters your face as you joke with Kyra, her face turning stone cold.

‘I’ll take my ring back; I’ve been wondering where that was for a while now.’ She warns making you laugh.

‘Oh yeah.’ You’d almost forgotten about the ring ‘I think it looks better on me though. I even put it on my middle finger so I could do this.’ You flip her off making her jaw drop.

‘That is not the way you should be treating your amazing, super-hot and funny girlfriend is it?’ She teases ruffling your hair.

‘C’mon Ky.’ You sigh, undoing your hair again and re-plaiting it ‘That’s the second time you’ve messed my hair up already today.’ She laughs.

You are back in the gym now, hopping onto the bikes to do your warmups while Kyra leaves you to go back to Caitlin. When you get off the bike you grab a mat to do your stretches, alone until Vic comes next to you.

‘I’ve been looking for you for ages.’ She says sitting next to you watching as you stretch. ‘We need to do our pull-up comp, you may have beaten me last year but I want revenge.’ She grins and you roll your eyes.

‘As if. I love your confidence though.’

‘I’m serious, I’ve got this one in the bag.’ Vic tells you one you've finished, you and Vic make your way over to the pull up machines. Manu noticed the two of you getting ready and since last year, when you two had started the pull up competition everyone had been placing bets on who would win.

‘Everyone, Vic and Sunny are doing the pull up comp.’ The Austrian shouts catching most people’s attention.

Kyra was with Caitlin and Katie at the far side of the room, but still heard the goalkeepers loud shouts. ‘What is that?’ She asked the older pair.

‘When Vic joined last year her and Sunny did a competition to see who could do the most pull ups. Sunny won and Vic is determined to win this year.’ Katie says, catching Kyra’s interest. She’d love to see her girlfriend doing pull ups with her muscles on full display.

'Let's go watch.' Kyra insists, not leaving the others much a choice as she's already gotten up and started walking over.

'Someone's a bit eager.' Katie chuckles to Caitlin.

'Yeah.' The aussie responds, though her voice is only a mumble as her thoughts were still thinking about her and Steph's conversation from earlier.

When the trio reached the pull up machines, you and Vic were mid argument about who was going to go first. 'I won last time so I should get to pick.' You stated, restating your argument for the 100th time.

'Exactly.' Vic sighs, 'You won, so you don't need an advantage.' Everyone groans, some people who had gathered round to watch debating walking away if the two of you were going to keep going back and forth arguing the same points.

'Do you want to do this or not?' Manu asks the two of you, standing in between you to temporarily stop your bickering. 'Because if you carry on we're going to have to go outside before you can actually do the comp.'

'Fine.' You spit giving Vic a nasty glare 'You can go first, but you'll still lose.'

'Will not.'

'Will so.'

Will not.'

Will s-'

'Can the two of you shut up for once?' Lotte interrupts and you look around noticing that Lia, Sabs and Stina had all returned to their workouts.

'Sorry guys.' You apologize before walking over to the bar and getting your grip ready. When Manu says go you start, at first its easy and you breeze past the first 10, but then your arms begin to ache and you slow down each pull up becoming harder and harder.

'C'mon Sunny!' People begin cheering, their shouts getting louder as you get to your 20th, you use all your leftover strength to do one more before collapsing.

After catching your breath, you get up, sending Vic a cheeky smile as she gets on the bar ready to have her turn.

You spot Kyra watching from afar with Caitlin and Katie, not knowing that the girl was replaying your pull ups in your mind. The whole time she had been practically drooling over you, mainly your biceps that were on display.

No one had noticed the midfielders lovestruck expressions as she watched her girlfriend work out.

Everyone except Steph.

When Kyra notices you staring she smiles, dimples forming on her cheeks. She walks over to you and you've completely forgotten about the competition, unbeknownst to the loud cheers as Vic also reaches 20 pull ups. People sighing as she's unable to complete a 21st.

'Maybe I should get some bars so I can see you do that every day.' Your girlfriend whispers in your ear when she reaches you a small smile breaking onto your face.

'You enjoyed that did you?' You tease flexing your muscles causing Kyra's cheeks to get a light pink tint and her to stumble on her words.

You pull your sleeves back down when Vic wraps her arms around you. 'Were you even watching Sunny?'

A feeling of guilt washes over you as you realise you were too caught up with Kyra to watch Vic have her turn.

'Yes...'

'You little shit.' Vic gasps when you fail at lying 'I think you should be disqualified...' She turns around to everyone else 'Who else thinks Sunny should be disqualified?' she shouts everyone immediately agreeing.

'You guys.' You wine, hurt by their betrayal 'You don't even know why Vic thinks I should be disqualified.'

'Yeah but it's worth it to see you mad.' Katie laughs causing you to flip her off. 'I wouldn't be doing that if I were you.'

Later, when everyone was outside doing drills Steph and Kyra were distanced from the the others. The older girl asking Kyra about how she was settling in so far.

The left back, who had not been able to stop thinking about how you and Kyra had been acting strange decided now would be a good time to ask about you.

Steph leaned forward slightly, her expression curious yet casual. 'You and Sunny seem to get along really well. Do you like her?'

Kyra felt a pang of panic shoot through her. She hadn't expected Steph to pick up on anything. She tried to keep her voice steady, hoping that Steph was just being curious. 'Oh, um, Sunny? Yeah, she's… she's nice. We get along.' Kyra's words stumbled over each other, her mind racing for a suitable explanation.

Steph raised an eyebrow, her gaze penetrating. 'You seem a bit flustered,' she remarked softly, a knowing smile playing on her lips. 'Is there something you're not telling me?'

Kyra's heart sank. She hadn't planned for this conversation to take such a turn. You would kill her if Steph found out. She glanced around nervously, hoping no one else was listening in. 'I… I don't know what you mean Steph.' she managed finally, trying to keep her voice light despite the knot of anxiety in her stomach.

Steph leaned back, still smiling knowingly. She knew Kyra was hiding something. 'Come on, Kyra,' she said gently. 'I can tell when something's up. You can talk to me.'

Kyra sighed inwardly, knowing she couldn't keep denying it. She glanced over at Sunny, who was engrossed in her phone, oblivious to their conversation. 'It's… it's not like that,' Kyra began awkwardly, her cheeks flushing. 'We're just got along straight away.'

Steph's smile turned into a grin of amusement. 'Uh-huh,' she teased lightly. 'Sure, just friends.'

Kyra felt a mix of relief and nervousness. She hadn't intended to reveal anything, but now it seemed Steph was onto something. "I… I really mean it, I think that we're going to be close, that's all.' Kyra insisted, hoping her voice sounded convincing.

Steph chuckled softly, shaking her head. 'Okay, Kyra,' she said, her tone affectionate. 'Whatever you say.'

As they continued the drills, Kyra couldn't help stealing glances at you, when you looked up and caught her eye, you gave her a happy smile. Kyra thought Despite the awkwardness of the moment, Kyra couldn't deny the warmth she felt knowing that Steph suspected something, even if she hadn't outright admitted it.

#kyra cooney cross #woso #woso community #matildas #woso fanfics #woso x reader #arsenal #arsenal wfc #lionesses #kyra cooney cross x reader #caitlin foord #steph catley #victoria pelova #arsenal women #awfc #katie mccabe #woso blurbs

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twistedwonderlandshenanigans · 4 months ago

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Babysitting Their Kid-Selves

I threw this together in a haze on Discord uhhhh enjoy thank you to @windalchemist001 for putting the idea In My Brain

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HEARTSLAYBUL

Riddle - struggles between wanting to help his youngerself have positive experiences, but also knows that depending on how old he is, it might just be super stress inducing. Finds a middle ground in giving his younger self an "easy" assignment and then giving him the time of his life, 10/10

Trey - he's burnt out from being the oldest, and from momming Riddle, and from taking care of the dorm. His kid self is being told to go play outside and don't get hurt (which his kid self obeys, and comes in when he's hungry and that's about it) very laissez-faire bc he can't be bothered. He knows the other boys in the dorm wouldn't let his kid self get hurt anyways, especially Riddle, who likely ends up taking the brunt of the responsibility 7/10

Cater - hehe yeah his kid self is Traumatized, he brings him to play video games/teach him to skate board/intro to Not Sweet snacks and ends up getting a kid trauma dumping to him. Or. he sees his kid self and nopes out, immediately asks anyone else to take care of him because he's gonna go :sparkles:cry:sparkles: but you don't need to know that. Either 9/10 or a 2/10

Deuce - Awkward at first, but honestly, just does what his mom did for him, smooth sailing, 10/10

Ace - "hah, I'm the best babysitter in the world, only the coolest kids can handle me. Think you have what it takes?" <- secretly really good with kids but only because he had his big brother as a role model. He also knows now all the tricks his big brother used on kid him so he has some fun being that to himself, as much as a handful as kid self is. 8/10

SAVANNACLAW

Leona - Sees how hopeful his younger self was, knows that Savannaclaw knows better than to fuck with it, leaves his child self in community care and leaves bc he doesn't want to reminded of the love he didn't recieve when he was little 10/10 for looking out for both of their mental health

Ruggie - oh my god he adores younger self, teaches him everything he knows, uses his "adorability" to his advantage, but also uses Leona's cash to buy ingredients for a food his younger self rarely got to try as a treat. Honestly, 10/10

Jack - He's a little awkward around his kid self, asks Leona for advice, gets none, asks Vil for advice, Vil ends up Momming and taking over sorry baby Jack. N/A he didn't give up the child intentionally but he also didn't really get to babysit

OCTAVINELLE

Azul - Oh hell no, like at first its like "look how far of come" but the self loathing immediately takes over again. Kid Azul's only saving "grace" is the tweels who terrify the baby by accident but are actually really soft and caring with him. Azul just makes sure his kid self has something to hide in bc "nobody wants to look at that" 2/10

Jade - Knows What He's Doing, and he's going to treat his kid self as gently as possible because he knows what's coming for him in later years :) 10/10

Floyd - Does fine until the kid cries and then pawns his kid self off to Jade 6/10

SCARABIA

Kalim - He's a big brother, but he's not big brother, you know? He likes to make sure the kid has fun and feels safe but he forgets to take breaks and give him water and oh god now he's on a magic carpet bc child self has to go to the bathroom and they're on the WRONG side of the dorm. Very caring, very loving, a little airheaded. If he takes his attention off him he wanders off. Jamil usually has to step in, but neither of them want him to. 7/10

Jamil - In a similar boat to Leona, but instead of leaving his kid self to someone else, he ends up going off campus with his kid self and lets him beat him in races/video games/ dance offs/ etc. so he can feel like he's the best at something for once. They end up cooking together, and honestly it heals adult Jamil a lot too 10/10

POMEFIORE

Vil - Carries a bit of contempt as well as admiration for his younger self. There is a part of him that wishes things had gone differently. Vil likely ends up keeping his kid self in his room all day, but while they're in there, they do all the things Vil remembers wishing he could do, like throwing a tantrum, finally having his feelings about Neige be validated, making a mess, eating whatever he wants, etc. etc. It's just it takes half the day for him to get to that point, before there's a break through it's almost pure ice on adult Vil's side with his kid self just sitting on the bed. 6/10

Rook - Doesn't want anything to do with his kid self, knows his kid self is self sufficient, tells him to not talk to anyone and leaves him alone. ???/10

Epel - Epel uses his kid self as an excuse to go get messy and dirty and play all day. He WILL blame his kid self for any accidents that may occur inside of Pomefiore. Kid self finds it unfair but funny, but can be bought back with some apple slices with caramel. It's a lot of fun, but a lot of clean up. 8/10

IGNIHYDE

Idia - Blames his younger self for the whole ||Ortho|| thing and uh. Would probably lock him out of his room. Ignores/pretends he doesn't exist. Kid Idia seeing ||Ortho "alive"|| would probably have him breaking down. 0/10

Ortho - .....

DIASOMNIA

Malleus - Can't handle his kid self as much as he insists that he can. Probably does something that accidentally triggers himself (both versions) and Lilia has to take over before there's a major melt down. They do have ice cream together after. 5/10

Lilia + Silver - I'm Waiting, Sorry

Sebek - Doesn't want to take care of his kid self. At first he thinks it's cool but then his kid self is biting everything, asking so many questions, getting close to Malleus without permission, showing off his adorable baby side, and kinda hates big Sebek purely because he has magic "already". (Sebek was canonically a 'late bloomer' with magic). He gets Too Stressed and then also gets more pissed off when Silver seems to do a better job baby sitting, but Lilia runs intervention. uhh. 3/10

hhhhhhhhhh bye Tag list: @fluffle-writes @my-cursed-brain

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mikkomacko · 2 years ago

Text

Jersey Leeds

Nico Hischier x Reader

Summary: Nico's balancing the playoffs and his pregnant wife who's due any day now.

A/n: This one got away from me and is now way longer than I intended. But it's so cute so I hope you all love it.

Typically, you're a very calm and easy going person. You don't go out of your way to make life difficult or feel the need to voice your every thought and opinion. Not that there's anything wrong with it, it's just not who you are.

Which is why you went along with the rule Nico had established after the regular season closed out. Your due date was growing closer and closer, a month turned to 3 weeks, and then 2 weeks, and then Nico was pulling his hair out trying to keep calm. He was about to captain his way through the post season for the first time all while trying to be a father for the first time?

At the recommendation of your doctor (and some online advice), Nico had kindly begged you to stay home for the playoff games in New Jersey. He didn't want you in such a wild and stressful environment, didn't want to risk you being around a crowd of fans that have been deprived of playoff hockey for years. It's their first season back in the post season after the rebuild, he'd told you, and he didn't know what to expect. The last thing he wanted to worry about was you and the baby somewhere in the stands while he was on the ice. Especially for a rivalry round against the Rangers. Things get out of control, he also said, what if something happened to you?

So you agreed. You spent the entirety of the first round in your apartment, eyes glued to the TV and hands on the overinflated balloon that was your belly as you watched Nico fight to keep his team in. He played well, enough to keep you from going stir crazy in the living room, but you knew he was thinking about you and the baby at home. Those 2 weeks turned to one, and it was evident in his struggle to find the back of the net that Nico was holding that due date on his shoulders, right on top of the weight of a tight series. If you being at home was going to ease that weight somehow, you'd do it.

But when game 7 found its way back to New Jersey, you couldn't do it.

"Nico you can't confine me to our home!" You argue, folding the white onesie in your hands "I'm pregnant, not imprisoned. If I want to be there I get to be there." You stack it in the laundry basket, picking up the next freshly washed and dried one.

He's set aside his iPad where he had been watching film from last night's game, the screen now dark as he turns his attention to you.

"Love," he sighs, running a hand through his overgrown hair "you know how much I want you to be there. I always want you there, but this is a whole different game now. You don't know what the fans are like and I can't just let you walk into somewhere you might not be safe."

Safe. Lately everything has come down to you being safe. It wasn't any concern before now. You'd gone to every Rangers game, every Flyers game, and every high tense game before that. The organization and the fans know you, they respect you because at the end of the night you're the one taking their captain home just to send him back the next morning. You'd never felt unsafe or unwelcomed at the Rock before.

"I'm just as safe there as here," you respond, still plucking your way through the pile of baby clothes "I've been there before, I'm known there. That's my home just as much as it's yours."

Nico sits up from the headboard, pushing his iPad even further away as he too grabs a couple of bibs and socks from the pile of clothes. He's silent for a moment and you look over at him to see that he's simply holding a pair of baby socks in his large hands, lips pursed in thought. You know he's picturing the tiny feet that'll wear those socks, thinking about how they kick at his hands when he holds you and talks too loud, when he presses his own stomach into yours so he can kiss you and the butterflies that rush through your body tickle at the baby too. You know he's worried, it's his thing. He's always footed too much responsibility, even when he doesn't have to.

"I know it is," he looks up at you, brown eyes gentle and warm but tinged with fear "and it'll be her home too. But it's not yet, and it definitely won't feel like home when hundreds of blue shirts pack in there tomorrow night. You know how these games are normally baby, and while our fans take care of you, I can't promise anything else for the others."

He folds the socks together, tossing them towards the basket with a half-hearted flick of his hand. You pick the pair up and set them in with the rest, handing him the little tee-shirt in your hands. Jack had gifted it to you a week after you told the team about the pregnancy.

"Don't you think the captain should have his family there?" You prod, softly as you watch his lips twitch into a smile at the shirt. It's got the smallest little Devils logo on the front, a C stamped on the shoulder and when he flips it over to look at the 13 and name on the back you notice the way his bottom lip rattles with emotion.

"We'll get there early and stay in the box the whole time. The other girls will be there, I'll stay towards the back and I won't leave until you or someone from the team comes to get me afterwards." You promise, and while that may sound a little dramatic, you don't mind. In fact nothing sounds better than sitting in those plush chairs watching him play while the caterers bring you food and drinks. The only time you'll have to put your swollen feet to work is to go to the bathroom.

Nico runs his thumb over the white letters spelling out Baby Hischier, and you know he's given in by the slow flutter of his eyelashes as he blinks, the smallest bit of hesitance as he thinks this might be the wrong decision but what the hell?

He folds the shirt, pushing himself up from the mess of sheets and you bite back a grin as he rounds the bed to you. A smile has fought it's way onto his face, crinkling at his eyes and sinking dimples into his cheeks. God you hope the baby has that smile of his.

You reach out for him, hands finding his chest before running up to wrap around his neck. He grips the sides of your belly, drawing you closer to him until your belly button is brushing against his abdomen.

"You don't go anywhere without security," he murmurs, right hand coming up to push a strand of hair away from your face. "no dropping into the store during intermission because you wanted something last minute for the baby. And absolutely no trash talking. These fans are fist happy and I don't need you pissing them off even if you're just defending me."

You can't help but laugh. It wouldn't be the first time you'd passionately defended him in the crowd or taunted a fan after he's scored. He knows you so well. You'd never do that now, you know to keep a low profile but it's sweet that he thinks he needs to remind you.

"I promise baby," you swear, sealing it with a kiss and he cups your face to bring you in even closer. "I just want to be there for you. We want to be there for you."

His inhale is uneven, a small tremor of fear or maybe anxiety or even excitement. Maybe all three but it does nothing to wipe away the smile on his face and so you kiss him again, laughing when you feel little hands and feet nudging against his palm on your stomach. Nico keeps kissing you, trailing his lips over your cheeks and nose as you giggle again, and he presses his hand even further into your stomach.

"Yes," he huffs playfully, looking down at your belly "you girls won, I know. I'll get used to it."

You stayed as low-key as possible. Simple all black clothes, casual and comfy shoes, minimal makeup and tucked your hair up into a Devils hat and hair clip. Nico appreciated it, slipping his bracelets onto your wrists before he left and giving you a kiss after he reminded you of the rules and precautions and emergency numbers for people at the arena.

The other girls had been notified of your playoff debut and swore up and down that they'd have your back, just as you'd always had theirs. You rode in the party bus with them, hands over your belly as you laughed and caught up with everyone. You missed them lately, and a part of you was heartbroken that you didn't get the first full playoff experience with them. Even the jackets, which you'd ordered and distributed to everyone, were a jab in your emotional heart because you didn't think to get yourself one. At the time you knew you'd be staying home for the games and it didn't seem worth it. Seeing it hang in your room knowing you'd never wear it would be just awful so you didn't bother.

A part of you now wishes you had, and you could almost cry about it if you weren't so excited for the game. But when the bus rolled up to the arena and the lights came up, your happiness at being back was nothing compared to the wave of emotion that took over when the girls pulled out a giant gift bag.

It was red and sparkly, your name written on the tag in a very familiar font. You pushed aside the black tissue paper, eyes welling with tears as you pulled out the black leather jacket. The name Nico had given you last summer and his number, surrounded by bright flames. You unfolded the jacket, swiping at the tears on your cheeks while the girls laughed and cheered. A white card had fallen into your lap, the message simple and sweet.

Knew you'd need it eventually

You didn't need a signature to know who gifted you this. The writing itself was clear but the special signature on the sleeve topped with a heart instead of a 13, said it all. Nico only signed with a heart when it was addressed to you. From that first receipt at the bar you met at after he bought your drinks, to the flowers he'd had delivered to you a few weeks ago just because, that same signature always topped it off.

That's what comes to mind when he takes the ice, finding his spot on the blue line for the national anthem and you holler with the rest of the fans, tucked into the jacket he got specifically for you. The Rock is electric, every fan on their feet and every towel in the air. You keep up for as long as you possibly can but your feet quickly grow sore and tired, so you settle into a seat with a plate of food. At least until you get too into the game and jump back up to cheer with the rest of the girls.

Intermission is spent taking pictures for Instagram, showing off the jackets once again and thanking the artist. You answer texts from family and friends wishing you and Nico good luck tonight, letting you know they're tuning in to watch. An ice cream helmet and a churro are delivered to you courtesy of the security guard Nico has requested follow you at all times, and you enjoy the snack for the entirety of the second period.

With the Devils up 2-0 you feel pretty good. Nico was right, you didn't know what a playoff crowd was like and while it's overwhelming, it's also heartwarming. You can't help but think of how happy Nico must be, how much he deserves this. He's done his best all season to carry the weight of being captain of a team that's constantly left behind and forgotten. The Devils are always the underdogs, and at the front of the pack is your husband, trying his best to build them up into contenders. His first point of the night is a step in the right direction, and you hope he's pulling himself out of the rut he's been in. Maybe you're just superstitious but you convince yourself it's because you're at the game.

As the minutes tick by, you grow even more happy about attending tonight's game. If you're lucky it'll even relax Nico into letting you attend round 2, and hopefully more rounds after that. But you're getting ahead of yourself.

In fact, you don't really have time to think about the next round at all because the baby's begun kicking around in your belly. At first you're amused, making a mental note to tell Nico that he's going to have a hard time keeping his daughter from the rink. But as the girls take turns feeling her kick, the sudden sharp pain in your spine and release of pressure between your legs makes you freeze.

The game grows forgotten, the food and laughs and pictures given up on. There's nothing else to think about except the fact that you are going into labor and your husband is unattainable on the ice below you.

Nico has just stepped down the tunnel when he's stopped by personnel, not even around the corner and to the locker room yet. Someone's holding a phone out to him, urging him to take it and he feels his heart drop to his stomach. Why are they looking at him like that? With those hesitant smiles and nervous eyes. He knows it's about you, it has to be and the fact that you're not down here yet let's him know something's wrong.

He rips off his helmet, holding the phone up to his ear. "Hello?"

"Hi my love!" You greet, a little breathless but cheerful. Nico doesn't care whose phone he's got, he takes it with him towards the locker room. Why are you calling him?

"Hey darling, what are you doing?" He ignores the other boys, sitting down in his locker and untying his skates. You're not giving him any reason to be nervous but he has a feeling he should be. "Are you down here yet?"

He can hear someone else talking with you, their voice muddled through the phone but he imagines it's one of the girls. "No I'm not going down to the locker room." You carefully say "I actually already left the arena."

It's then that he recognizes the sound of a car radio and the rumble of the highway. He can feel the others looking at him, wondering why he's on the phone and already stripping out of his gear instead of celebrating with them.

"What do you mean you left?" He asks, toweling through his sweaty hair. "I told you to come down here."

Someone honks on the other line. "I know I know, but I need you to stay calm when I say this Nico."

He freezes, heart pounding in his chest but trying his best to not let it rattle in his voice. "What happened? Are you ok?"

By now Jack has picked up on the call, slowly inching towards Nico's stall with questioning eyes. "I'm fine. The baby is fine. We had a great time. So much fun that she kinda decided she wanted to watch it in person."

Nico's head spins. "What? What do you mean?"

"My water broke," you say and Nico's tossing the phone to Jack, ripping off his jersey and pads.

"Ask her how long ago." He instructs, and he hears Jack greet you before asking the question. You must talk to him for a bit because he's mouthing things and holding up fingers as you go. Nico continues to tear through his gear, half-heartedly wiping sweat off as he goes so he can get dressed.

"Five minutes left in the third," Jack recites back to him. "She took the bus here with the girls so Clare is driving her and they're about 2 minutes from the hospital."

Nico tugs on a pair of shorts and shoves his feet into the sneakers he left in his locker this morning. "She's asking that you please shower before coming here because she knows you smell awful."

He wants to laugh, knows you’re teasing him to try and calm him down. It doesn't work. All he can think about is how you're in labor, that your water broke and he wasn't there to help you to the car or drive you to the hospital. He throws on a shirt, taking the phone back from Jack.

"Already dressed, I'm not showering." He's shoving things into his duffle, unsure of what he even needs or should take with him. He at least has the right sense to grab deodorant and cologne from his stall.

"Nico it's not that bad yet." You say on the other end of the phone. "Really you have the time to shower and do media-"

"Media?" He interrupts, "You're not fucking serious? I'm going to the hospital so I can be with you, not talking to the press."

He digs his keys and phone out of the side pocket of his bag, tossing it over his shoulder. He's still got the phone to his ear when he turns back to Jack. "You're on media tonight. Don't say a word about this and call me afterwards."

Jack salutes him, eyes shiny and smile wide. It's then that Nico realizes the whole room is watching him excitedly. Biting back a laugh he address you again.

"I'll be there in 5 minutes. Text me if you get into a room ok?"

"Ok Nico."

"I'll see you soon love," he says quietly, wanting to keep the sweet moment between you two. You return the sentiment, wincing slightly afterwards and he knows you're starting to feel those contractions.

"Hey," he calls before you can hang up. "Don't have that baby until I'm there."

"You got it Cap."

He hangs up, not knowing what to do with the random phone he's been given until the employee that handed it to him is shoving into the room. He quickly gives it back, double checking his pockets for everything just as reporters begin to pour into the room.

"Well boys," he finally addresses the team, looking around at their expectant faces. "We fought hard, we came out on top. And we can do it again later but for now..." Jack has found his way to Nico's side, gripping his shoulder and shaking him excitedly. "I gotta go have a baby."

Hoots and hollers bust out, Jack kisses his cheek and shoves him towards the door. He receives more taps and shoves as he goes, everyone wishing him luck as he prepares for the biggest moment of his life.

Nico's fully aware that he looks like a mess. Disheveled, sweaty, gnawing at his bottom lip as he rushes into the labor and delivery lobby. A man in scrubs spots him before he can reach the counter, obviously recognizing him.

"Hischier?" He asks anyway and Nico nods, unsure if he answers around the trembles of his breath. "Right this way, don't worry you haven't missed a thing."

That eases him a bit, enough that he's not breathing down the man's back as they disappear down a long hallway, one left turn, two right turns. Nico finds the room number you'd given him earlier immediately, almost shoving the man out of the way to get to the door. He thinks he apologizes or maybe says excuse me but the only thing running through his mind is seeing you, being there with you.

You're pacing the room when he walks in, one hand on your lower back and the other rubbing circles over your belly. Clare is standing by the side of the bed, watching you like a hawk and Nico feels better knowing she was there. His entrance draws your attention from the TV in the corner of the room, eyes meeting his and your face immediately lights up. He moves to you before you can even take a step towards him, hands reaching up to hold your flush face.

"Why are you up? Are you ok?"

He searches your face, looks for hint of agony or worry but only finds your beautiful eyes and swollen lips. You place a hand over his, laughing softly.

"I'm ok. Still dilating but it feels better to walk." You say. "I sit down for big contractions, I promise."

Nico trusts you, backing away to thank Clare for taking care of you while you continue to move about the room. She leaves to go meet Ryan, promising to check in on you in a couple hours before disappearing out of the room. He perches on the end of the bed, watching you on the edge of his seat in case he needs to get up. The TV is showing highlights of the game tonight before cutting to the locker room just in time to see Nico give his goodbye speech to the team.

Eyebrows raised, you look at him expectantly.

"What?" He asks, defensive.

"You most definitely had time to shower." You say, waddling towards him. His hands find your hips, chin tilting up to look at you just in time to see you dramatically scrunch your nose at him.

"Not a good first impression on your daughter Nico, she's going to think you're stinky all the time."

He laughs, reaching up to move a piece of hair that's stuck to the sweat on your neck. "I have clothes in the baby bag, I'll change my love."

The relief he expected to see on your face is instead one of panic. Eyes wide, mouth dropping open and you squeeze his shoulders.

"I forgot the baby bag!" You wail, throwing your head back in frustration. Nico jumps to his feet when your whine turns to a wince, your hand dropping to your stomach. He carefully turns you until you're sitting on the bed instead, one hand crushing his as you breathe through a contraction.

He waits for it to pass before digging his phone out. "It'll be fine, I'll have Jack stop and get it. The car seats already in my car, nursery set up." Nico brushes your hair back in again, inhaling and exhaling calmly with you. "We're ready for this."

You take another deep breath, eyes not leaving his and he's tries his best to look reassuring.

"We're ready," you repeat quietly "we're having a baby and we're ready."

Two hours later, after countless swear words over tearful cheeks, your hand squeezing the life out of Nico's, and a little bit of wooziness on his part, Nico's met his daughter.

She's a tiny little thing, only 6 pounds and 9 ounces. Her fingers and toes scrunched, eyes pinched shut under blonde eyebrows but after only a couple cries, she lays on your chest with a smile. And when he leans in to kiss you, blubbering something about how much he loves you and how precious she is, her little nose scrunches in distaste. Maybe he should've showered. It ends up not mattering though because she still recognizes his voice, especially when he says sweet things in German to her, and her little head tilts towards him, hands wiggling around like she's trying to find him.

As soon as she's swaddled he's taking her, cradling her to his chest in the gentlest but safest way he can. Nico's never thought of himself as impossibly strong but she's so light and so small he's afraid of holding her too tight and hurting her.

You watch him fawn over her while you get cleaned up, brushing out your hair and sponging away the sweat and blood and goop. Nico presses his nose to the top of her head, right where little strands of blonde hair have dried, and takes in the smell of her. Her faces scrunches at him again and he wants to go change and wash up so she'll stop looking at him like that but he can't bare to put her down. Even after you've settled back in the bed and the nurses have cleared out, Nico knows you want to hold her but he still takes his sweet time handing her over.

You look so sweet, so motherly when you hold her to your chest and softly stroke over her cheek. His chest alights with warmth, spreading throughout his veins and his eyes sting with happy tears. He wants to remember this forever. He fumbles for his phone, fingers shaky as he snaps a picture of you smiling widely at her. You look up at him, eyes wet with tears but so unfathomably happy and you say, "she has your nose Neeks."

She does, he realizes, taking in the sharpness of it. Your nose doesn't look like that and while his is a bit different after breaking it, hers is so similar to his. And her blonde hair, just like him. Before he'd grown up, he too had pin straight blonde hair. He imagines her with his eyes too, big and brown, seeping off warmth everywhere they look. He thinks she's so beautiful and he hopes she has your smile because that has to be his favorite thing in the world.

Perfect, his baby girl is perfect.

Nico leaves you two alone, fishing out his clothes and the baby wipes from the bag before disappearing into the bathroom. He does his best to wipe down his body with them, wanting to hurry back to his girls but in the end decides he should just rinse off in the shower there. He forgoes the hospital body wash and conditioner, simply washing his matted hair because he wants her to know what he usually smells like, not some cheap unmarked bottle stuff. He should've asked Jack to grab his bathroom stuff but it's too late now.

Toweling off and redressing in sweats and a t-shirt, Nico combs his fingers through his wet hair and let's it air dry. He put on more deodorant, forgetting the cologne because what if she doesn't like it or has some kind of reaction to it? No he'd rather her think he smells bad.

You let him hold her again when he comes back, moving over so he can squish on the bed next to you and this time when he presses her to his chest, she leans into him, lips smacking quietly as she settles in comfortably. He laughs, shaking his head because she's unable to utter a word but he already knows she's got your same little attitude.

"Nurse came by, said the boys are about to break down the doors to get in here." You say quietly. Nico laughs again, decides he should probably go get whoever's gathered out there so he hands her back to you.

"Wait," you stop him before he can get to the door, "hand me the baby bag please."

He fishes it out from the little storage closet, setting it on the end of the bed and helping you dig through it because he knows you're tired and sore. You pull out a little black beanie with a glittery Devils logo on the front, removing the pink one they put on her head and sliding the new one on. Nico tucks everything away again, taking just a second to look at you and her. You beam at him.

"She's very proud of her dad."

Nico kisses you, a real kiss this time instead of those mushy pecks he gave you earlier. Then he presses a flittering kiss to her head, promising to be back soon before he leaves to gather Jack and the others.

The lobby is packed with hockey players, squished onto the couches, hugging their knees on the floor as they chatter quietly. Nico overhears Jack talking about seeing them earlier, poking fun at how nervous Nico looked. He sneaks up behind him, grabs him by the shoulders and Jack jumps, whirling around to look at him. Nico laughs, not even getting a chance to say anything before his friend is jumping at him. He wraps his arms around him, beaming as the others rise to their feet and join in on the hug. They're all shaking him and patting his head.

"How are we feeling captain daddy?" Wood teases, ruffling his hair. Someone pinches his cheek, comments on his puffy eyes and he shrugs it off.

"Feeling like I just had the best night of my life." He admits and they cheer again. Nico gets them all to settle down and split into to two groups. He doesn't want to overwhelm you or the baby and he doubts he can bring in 15 people. The first group calmly follows him through the hall and to the room, all of them growing quite as they lightly tread into the room in a line.

You smile at everyone as they come in, the baby still cradled to your chest and Jesper is the first to tip toe over, a bouquet of balloons and a teddy bear in his hand. He sets them on the tray next to you, looking at Nico nervously.

"You can say hi," Nico chuckles and you motion Jesper closer, instructing him on how to cradle her. She barely fusses as he holds her, eyes widening and he smiles giddily at Nico. Seeing her in his arms draws the others closer and they set up a stack of cards next to the balloons, Timo settling in the chair next to you and asking about how you're doing. Jesper slowly walks down the line, letting everyone look at her.

Dawson gets a glimpse at her before his head shoots up to look at Nico. "She looks just like you!" He exclaims, loud enough that the baby stirs in Jesper's arm and he freezes. Nico laughs, walks over and reaches in to smooth his thumb over her scrunched nose. She settles back down, but Jesper's freaked enough that he eagerly hands her off to a wide eyed Jack.

"Poor kid," Jack teases, "hopefully she gets her mom's personality or she's screwed." But tears have welled in his eyes and he's staring at her so enthralled that Nico knows Jack already loves her. In fact, they're all looking at her like she's made of precious gems.

Trusting them to be careful, Nico takes Timo's seat next to you. You reach out for his hand and he holds yours between both of his, pressing a kiss to your knuckles.

"You've got a good group there Captain," you say, looking over as Jack shows Woodsy how to hold her head. He grins, unbelievably happy and content in the moment. He hasn't even had a chance to think about the fact that he's moving on to the next round of the playoffs yet. But all that matters right now is his family. He can think about the game later.

"She's already got them whipped into shape." He murmurs, laughing when Woodsy moves a little too fast and she gurgles unhappily, halting him. Dougie scolds him, taking her from his arms with a disappointed shake of his head.

Jack comes over, squishes himself into the chair with Nico even though it means he's sitting half on his lap. You laugh when he wiggles his hand in alongside Nico's, fingers holding both of yours.

"Congrats mom and dad," Jack says, "I've been waiting for a baby sister. All I got was Luke."

"Where is Luke?"

He snickers. "I left him at home."

You gasp but laugh, releasing their hands to shove him. Nico shakes his head, knowing he's going to have to text the younger Hughes brother and let him know he can stop by whenever he wants.

Timo's the last to meet her, blowing little kisses at her and smiling. "Hey little captain," he whispers, just loud enough for Nico to hear. "hope you like it here because you just got stuck with the whole team."

You and Nico look around, notice that everyone is still squished around Timo watching her. They're like moths to a flame following her, inching closer to the bed when Timo hands her to Nico. Jack moves over, perches by your feet so Nico has room to hold her and be close to you.

"You didn't tell us her name," Dougie says, looking between you and Nico. The two of you had been stuck between two different names but now that she's here the decision is clear. Nico was hesitant of it at first, thought it'd be too cliche or something but she's decided for herself.

"It's Jersey," you say with an amused smile. What other name could you give the baby that had done summersaults in your belly during games and decided she wanted to join the world during her father's game and has the whole team smitten with her.

"Jersey Leeds Hischier." Nico adds and the boys all soak it in, tease him a bit for being so sentimental but he doesn't care. This is his home, it's given him everything, and no matter what happens next round or next year or in ten years from now, he wants to remember everything Jersey has given him.

#nico hischier #nico hischier x reader #nico hischier fic #new jersey devils #new jersey devils fic #nhl fanfiction

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qnomnstrs · 3 months ago

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Heian Era! Sukuna x Concubine! Reader The Only Way is Down Part 2

Part 1 is here :

This one will have more fluff and angst. Please Enjoy! This one might be a bit more OC and Sukunas end. This part was harder to write for me. Im not going to make a part 3 as I want to continue writing new ones! That way I can also bust more fics out.

Warnings: MDNI, Smut 18+, Trueform! Sukuna, plot with porn, dacryphillia, cunnilingus, f receiving oral, stomach mouth, hand mouth, pregnancy, pregnancy sex, twin cocks, cum play, angst, fluff, sex, Heian Era Pregnancy advice, masturbation, bath sex, semi public sex

Word Count: 3.5K

Sukuna speaking is in red

y/n speaking is in green

Doctor speaking in purple

Hana Speaking in blue

Life wasn’t supposed to turn out like this. You were supposed to live happily under the protection of Sukuna. The want to socialize with other concubines, eat delicious food, and be pampered. Sure, the occasional back breaking sex that left you bedridden for a week, but still a life of ease. The point was to stay a mid-ranking consort, to stay out of the drama and out of the way of Sukuna. Now you are staying in his palace, with his child in your belly.

“Thank you doctor for everything”

“Youre welcome. Sorry we can’t do more right now for you. The nausea will subside with this new herbal tea I prescribed. For now, we are just making sure you stay healthy for the baby. Try not to get too stressed and eat whatever you are craving. These cravings are natural and mean you are lacking something that your body needs.”

“Yes of course. Um well- I also wanted to know, well-“ You stopped yourself. It wasn’t normal for you to be embarrassed about these sort of things. You took a breath and continued. “But what about sexual needs? I’m not sure what his Lord intends but are we allowed to be intimate? Can I pleasure myself?”

The doctor coughed in embarrassment, “Yes of course as long as it isn’t rough or you aren’t in any pain. Again, any cravings you have should be given in to, food or not.”

You sat upright in your bed with a blanket on your lap. You were currently 3 months pregnant. You didn’t have a pregnant belly yet, but your abdomen was sensitive and bloated. The nausea was bad, and so were your cravings. Your craving for Sukuna that is. You were horny all the time. If the doctor said it way okay then sex is game. Your damn hormones are running wild.

“My lady I’ll brew you this new herbal tea right away”

“Thank you Hana I would appreciate it”

The one thing that isn’t rapidly changing is Hana. You were thankful with the new title that you were allowed to keep Hana as a handmaiden. Now however, you have so my attendants for everything. There were more hand maidens to help you dress, etc. You had chefs as well. Your new room was overly spacious; a huge bed that could hold three Sukuna’s at once. Your new bedroom wasn’t nearly as big as Sukuma’s. You now stayed in the main palace but still separate from Sukuna. It was more common to see Sukuna in the halls. Your room had a partition, vanity, and sitting room. The wardrobe was immaculate. You had all your old robes and dresses along with newer and flashier ones. Sukuna made it his top priority that his new and first wife looks the part. You sighed at the thought. This was all too much. You haven’t seen any of the other concubines in a while. It was probably best not to. They would all treat you differently and perhaps harm you. Who on earth would be stupid enough to do that? Who knows but its easy to make it look like you lost the baby on accident. Even so, you felt so alone. Your attitude was dull and bland. This was very noticeable to everyone around you. It was also noted how often you speak with staff to keep your mood up. You hiccupped feeling some acid pool in your mouth at the stress.

Right on time, Hana brought back the tea and poured it for you.

“Thank you Hana I hope this will work.”

You drank the tea and decided to get more rest as the stress and nausea ate away at you.

“Thank you Hana I think I will rest some”

She nodded and everyone left your quarters. You had ulterior motives. Maybe some of this stress could be relieved. You couldn’t stop thinking about Sukuna. He was so arrogant, boastful and strong. You loved his pink hair, tattoos, muscular figure, and his smell. He smelt like a campfire all the time; smokey, woodsy. His whole personality was a hot burning desire that fueled you. Ever since that night you’ve felt differently about him. He pleased you in ways never before. You think he ruined you for any other man. You rubbed your belly, thinking about how he made this baby with you. You bit your lip and began rubbing yourself. You rolled to the side, pretending Sukuna was lying next to you. You imagine it was him rubbing your clit. He would use one arm to prop up his head and have that shit eating grin plastered on his face. You imagine the rest of his hands all over you, rubbing your sensitive breasts and your belly.

You immediately stopped yourself. Tears brimmed in your eyes. You just wanted to be able to cuddle Sukuna, kiss him. It was hard knowing that he didn’t love you. You never thought you’d have a baby in such a loveless commitment. He hasn’t visited you once since he told you about the pregnancy. You knew he was seeing other concubines, why wouldn’t he be. You were ready to have Hana cuddle you for support. With thoughts racing, you weren’t going to sleep now or finish.

“Hana I’d like to take a bath.”

“yes of course my lady”

Hana and a few others escorted you to the bath house. You were allowed to share Sukuma’s bath house. This bath house was huge. The doors were decorated with jade and marble. When opened only one underground bath was present. It was more like a pool. Bamboo shoots were on each side pouring in fresh hot water. On the outside of the bath house, many workers heated the pool with fires. Fragrant oil was poured into the bath. Hana undressed you and you were rinsed clean before entering the bath. A deep sigh of relief escaped your lips. The bath helped your aching body adjust. You put your head under and resurfaced at the other end. Your attendants stood with towels waiting for you to finish. The birds could be heard chirping outside. It was a beautiful morning. Finally, some peace and quiet. You have been busy with many vendors and doctors.

A big banquet was supposed to be held for you and your baby. Sukuna wasn’t afraid to announce it. He felt secure with your protection. Everyone has been running around in preparation. Vendors came to visit to help decorate and prepare. Many dresses were made to find one to your liking. The stress was starting to pool up again. You tried thinking of something else when You heard some ruckus outside the bath.

“I apologize my lord Lady y/n is currently inside the bath. We can have it ready for you momentarily.”

“No need I shall join her”

The doors were open, and Sukuna appeared in a loose robe, his chest exposed. He smirked at your small form in the huge bath. You blushed remembering your earlier thoughts. You missed his presence.

“My lord to what do I owe the pleasure of your attendance.” You tried to act calm and uninterested. You didn’t want to rely on him for happiness and comfort.

“I came to check on your condition, but you were not in your quarters. Th doctor informed me of the morning sickness.”

“yes, everything is in order, the tea prescribed should help.”

You sulked further into the bath. Every conversation you have with him is so formal. It was never an issue before. In fact, you tried to walk on eggshells before. Now it was only a matter of time before your de ranked, why bother. After this baby is there any use for you as a wife. Your distracted and disheveled appearance didn’t go unnoticed by Sukuna. His lower set of eyes squinted at your behavior.

Sukuna dropped his robes and entered the bath. You quickly look at his cocks, biting your lip. Damn these hormones.

“The doctor also informed me your mood has seemed to dampen as of late. Has your service have not been adequate?”

He continued to walk closer to you. His chest was still out of the water while you have to sit on the bench in the water, to keep your shoulders above water.

“I apologize for concerning you, my lord. The doctor is just referring to my sickness. I haven’t been able to move around a lot or attend any tea parties with the other concubines”

Sukuna was now towering over you, all four eyes focusing on you. He had a scowl on his face. Like he didn’t believe a god damn word you said.

“After the announcement at the banquet you may do as you please. For now, I want you to stay in my palace and focus on your health.”

You nodded looking down into the water. He takes your chin in his hand, forcing your eyes up. You looked at his face turning red at the proximity. He moves in closer, lips almost touching yours.

“Are you sure the isn’t anything else?”

“There is not”

“When did you become so bold to lie so blatantly to your king?’

“What are you referring to exactly? I have done no such thing.”

“Perhaps but you do not speak the whole truth. You forget your servants are mine first. Your doctor informed me of your sexually driven questions. Your dear lady-in-waiting informed me of your late-night fantasies. You call out my name as you pleasure yourself. I did not realize you missed your king so much.”

You tensed up, tears of embarrassment welling up. You couldn’t believe you have been exposed like this. Sukuna tilts your head and licks your tears.

“I apologize my dear wife y/n. I have been away too long. I only wanted to ease your stress with these big changes. I was thinking of my heir and not my wife. You have me now. Now what do you want with me? What do you desire of your king? Your husband?”

He rubs your belly with one of his hands. It’s the first time he has touched you so lovingly. Sukuna was very excited for this baby. You forgot how important your baby was and how dedicated your husband was to this child. Your tears could no longer be contained. They flowed freely. You tried to stay silent, but hiccups and whines escaped your lips. At the end of the day, the strongest and most powerful was the father of your child. You were so worried about you; it didn’t occur to you that your baby would always be in a position of power and strength. It made you a little jealous.

Sukuna tensed, he wasn’t expecting you to start crying, he assumed you wanted sex, but clearly there was something else. This was hard for him. It was your pregnancy making you so vulnerable, he was aware. He didn’t like this one bit. He always enjoyed your cunning sharp wit. You were not easily scared or hurt by Sukuna. That’s what made you catch his eye. It’s what made him want to ruin you. He wanted to watch you change expressions in embarrassment, in pleasure. These tears weren’t the ones he desired. He wanted tears of pleasure. He held you in his arms and rubbed your back. It was all he could do.

“Once you are calmed I give you permission to speak freely, no matter what. Do not hold back; to keep peace with me, I want to know what troubles you.”

You continued to cry now sobbing loudly, almost in pain. It was all too much. You finally got some relief, to be held by Sukuna. You were also afraid of what’s to come. Once you finally calmed you began.

“I’m sorry I can’t stop, and I’m so upset I feel so vulnerable and weak. But I can’t stop cr-“ You began again to cry.

Sukuna laughed at your unstable mood. “Hush now y/n I want to know what troubles you”

You frowned, not thinking it was funny. You took a deep breath and just began

“I know my Lord that I am expendable. I know I can’t be in this position forever. I am grateful for my child, and I am grateful they will be your heir. But I- I am afraid. I know you will have more wives and more heirs. I just want to be loved too. I understand I am a concubine first; I recognize what we have isn’t love. I just can’t control my feelings. I want to be held by you. I want to be kissed by you- to be around you..”

You stopped yourself from rambling on further. You didn’t dare look at the expression on his face. Your buried yourself onto his shoulder.

“Your right I do not love you y/n. I cannot pretend or lie to you. But you are no longer a concubine, you are a wife. You will never question your position again. You will never be demoted. You will live the rest of your days in ease. I can assure you that. I live way longer than humans. I feel desire and passion. I desire bedside company, I desire intimate passion, I desire strength and power. I have obtained my true love of total control. But now my newest desire is my child within you. I did not know if it was possible and now, I know. I have lived a long life and yet YOU are my first wife. YOU are the first to carry my child. This experience is one I have never had. YOU are my first. I wouldn’t want any other to be my first. You will be a great wife and mother. I eat humans, bathe in the blood of my enemies and yet here I am holding my fragile little wife y/n because I’m not being a good husband. I assure you even if I do not love you I want to fulfill everything you desire.”

You looked into his eyes searching. You found him calm, emotionless, but truthful. This is what you needed to hear. You knew he didn’t love you, you only loved him simply because of your hormones. This was an arrangement but the best one to come out of living here. There was no way down anymore. You were filled with so much happiness you jumped up and kissed Sukuna, without permission. He reciprocated and deepened the kiss. He held you and kneaded your ass. His large hands enveloped your whole body. You forgot you were naked against him. His hardening cocks were sandwiched between your stomach and his. Your breasts were against his stomach as well. Only your head reached his chest, he had to bend his head for the kiss. Sukuna pulled his lips from yours. As he pulled away, he nipped your lips.

“Ill ask you again my dear wife y/n. You have me now what do you want with me?”

Your body felt hot. You could smell that sexy campfire aroma on him you couldn’t take it. He was asking you what you wanted from him. And you wanted to take everything you could.

“I want you to hold me, kiss me, and fuck me.”

Sukuna laughed with a wild look in his eyes. He held you against his waist. You put your hands on his chest. He kissed you again. You deepened the kiss by opening your mouth. His tongue intertwined with yours. He rubbed his cocks against your stomach. Slowly the mouth and his stomach opened. He began to lick your sensitive pussy. You yelped looking down. You have never seen or heard of his stomach mouth.

“Fuck you taste so fucking good. Never seen that before huh? I can kiss my wife, hold her, and fuck her at the same time like she wanted.”

He smirked and pecked your lips. You whined in the kiss. He continued sharing slow passionate kisses together. His large tongue licked around your opening. Your entrance was fluttering as you have been waiting three months for this. His large slimy tongue entered you. God, it felt so fucking good. It went up up up- as far as his cocks would go. He swirled it in a circular motion tasting every inch of your insides. You clenched on him, digging your fingers into his arms. You thrusted a bit so the bottom of his tongue rubbed your clit as well. Sukuna allowed you to fuck yourself on his large tongue. God the sexy husband of yours got some bonus points today.

“I never hah-used this tongue on anyone before. Should I save this trick as the special wife only treatment?”

You bit your lip, “Yes please only I want to sit on this. Use it only for me”

Your tongue lolled out of your mouth as you were overcome with pleasure. His tongue searched for your sensitive spot. Once he found it. He kept abusing it. You thrusted with the tongue. God it’s been so long that you couldn’t sit still. A big whine escaped you once again. Your whole body was sensitive. Sukuna took this chance to put his hands on your breasts. More mouths appeared on his hands. He began roughly sucking your sore nipples. His other two hands still held onto you for dear life.

“Sukuna I- its too much ah-! Haaah my lord please”

“Its husband to you. What to do want my little wife?”

You weren’t sure what you wanted. It was too much on your sore body. You whined rubbing against his cocks as well. You threw your hands down and started rubbing his cocks. Your hands couldn’t fit around the whole shaft, but you tried anyways. You gripped them so roughly and rubbed vigorously.

“Shit- damn you trying to choke my cocks?” He didn’t want to admit how sensitive that made him. You continued your assault as your rode on his tongue.

“This baby has made you to be quite the vixen. Im going to have to keep puttinga child in you if this is how sex is going to be”

You were definitely bolder today.

“Please I’m so close.”

“Cum then”

Sukuna was aroused by your state. Your face was flush, your eyes watery, and your hips shaking. Not to mention how good your pussy tasted. Fuck he was going to come to, from just your hands. Who knew his cute pregnant wife could do this to him.

You screamed out in ecstasy and finally came. Your toes curled and your body spasmed. You cried out again as your orgasm was slow yet violent. Sukuna came undone as well both cocks cumming in your hands. He grunted, hot cum covering your hands, chest and even some on your face. There was so much cum. Now you know why you got pregnant. You lifted your hands and licked the cum off. Sukuna watched you.

“Dammit you-fuck I’m hard again.”

You laughed and looked down to see he was indeed hard again.

“My dear husband I think I have a new craving, and you told me I could ask anything from you.”

“Name it y/n and it is yours.”

“Your cum”

#jjk x reader #rin writes #jjk smut #jjk sukuna #heian sukuna #sukuna x reader smut #ryoumen sukuna #sukuna x reader #teratophillia #sukuna x pregnant reader

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floofeh-purpi · 2 months ago

Text

Through the Screen. (Pt. 2)

Self-aware! Obey Me x Gn! Insomniac! Reader

MAG EY KA MUNA EYYYY!!!! Also, off topic but I think it's now going to sound like a fanfic... 😭🙏

『Beloved fluffball/s mentioned below! 💜』

@rotin0 @cherry-blossom-sword80 @leniisreallycool @mc-cos-charm @imtotallynotthere @cosmo112 @cheeseburgercasserole @kanashi-aivy @dead-d0ves

Warnings: Cursing, spelling/grammar errors, it feels like I'm awake at 3am even though I started this shit at 8:13pm, you might be based by me in terms of some stuff going on w you (sorry), one mention of you being su*cidal, what the fuck im now half-asleep.

【Part 1】

• Ok, you sometimes voice call your friends in messenger (or whatever app you use to call them) for whatever reason.

• Lets say you might call them so that yall can play an online game that doesnt have voice chat.

• Fuckers they can hear you.

• As in the characters, they can hear you.

• Every foul word that comes out through your mouth? Yes.

• Those noises of you aggresively clicking your keyboard? Yes.

• The air conditioning doing its own thing? Yes.

• Hell, THE WAY THAT YOU BREATHE? YES.

• You dont know about that part yet

• So now that you know that they know how to make some changes to the game's code...

• Let's just say your initial reaction was legit: :0

• But realization risen upon you. Oh shit...

• If they'll break outta the game and into your phone, does that mean that they can see what you have on your phone, gallery, and the edits you saved on your phone thats crying for you to free some space in its storage. 😨

• Luckily, this new yet somewhat not-so new phone has the ability to hide away your apps, files, pictures, and videos into a hidden folder! :D

• You kept your more not child-friendly stuff into that folder in case your parents will check your phone.

• And I kid you not, what if they will somehow find a way to connect/join with your other devices too?! D:

• You decided to play Obey Me, since that's how you cope with the fact that quarterly tests are approaching your grades dangerously close.

• ...Tests be damned?

• Tests, be damned it is.

★ (this means timeskip)

• ...Maybe it was a bad idea.

• Because you're literally sweating bullets as you're looking at the first question written on the test paper.

Welp, I'm fucked.

• No shit, the very few questions that you know that you'll get right is your name and date.

• And not to mention that time pressure is a thorn to your mind right now.

Class, you have 30 minutes left!

• Sternly exclaimed the teacher, with students making stressed-out noises and sounding like they we're binge-watching anime last night. This was totally not targeted towards a certain someone in my school. Nope.

• You groaned along with the other students before you buried your face in the sweating palms of your hands and then moving them to your forehead to answer the next question. 29 out of 30 questions... you'd be finished right now if it was your favorite subject. But this test was easy. Way too easy...

• Hm...

• God damn it. You took your words back as soon as you saw the arch nemesis of your life.

• And... Is that x3+y3+z3=k?

...EAHHHGGHH—

• Why... You were so certain that not a single math teacher could've taught this yet.

• You we're so damn thankful that this was multiple choice. Omfg.

• Anygays-

Eeny meeny miny Moe...

(This divider means a longer timeskip.)

• Ok so, after all that suffering, you can finally get the hell out of this dumpster of a fucking school!

• You skip your way out of that shitty classroom, with the first thing– or rather person– to greet you was your non-fictional and only best friend! Yipee! :D

N/n!!! :D (N/n means Nickname)

• Exclaimed they, the person who has been with you through thick and thin.

We'll go to your house just like you promised, right?

• So bright, like the stars blanketing the night skies.

• Sometimes you wish you were like them.

• Cheerful, positive, an absolute sunshine up your face, not-so suicida—

Uhm... N/n?

• Oops. You spaced out again.

Yah, lesgo.

• After y'all went inside your... miserable excuse of a house (you know you havent cleaned this shit up for god knows how long.)

• Luckily, your parents (mainly your dad) was in an EXTRA good mood today, (they weren't present after they screamed profanities at you last night <3) so you had the house all to your yourself.

Don't worry, my parents aren't here today..

• You said, which eased the concern building up inside your best friend's mind after they remembered what you told them about your... 'normal' relationship with your parents.

C'monnn, let's study in the living room.

• You best friend whined before dragging your sleep deprived ass to your couch.

★

Wahhh! Are you sure this ain't corn syrup?

I think so. Yah. Wait I don't even buy that shit to shove it up the drawer's ass...-

• Ok uhmm.... What was supposed to be a study session turned into a cooking session.

• Bless Solomon for not being present in the kitchen. Yet.

• You were about add some extra spices to- what the fuck were you making again??? when your loud ass 6pm alarm rang.

Augh...

• You groaned. Your hands were oily as fuck and you needed to take your maintenance. Great timing up my fucking ass.

Yo B/f/n, pass me my pills. Please?

Yah su-

• You and your friend suddenly got a loud ass obey me notification on your phones. They at least still had the decency to pass you your pills even while they're still shocked at the kind of notification they got.

• I mean, no shit dipshit.

• Bitch how tyhe fuck did they know that you eat dinner at 9 in the fucking eveni-

• Oh..

• OH...

• You forgot they can practically stalk you through your phone and you haven't told your good ol' bestie about that now, did you...

• ...Oops. 🥰

If you think this is short, and its your first time stubling upon the dumpster collection of a blog thats also 95% full of reblogs, wait until you see that sagau series that i havent finished yet 😭🙏

Published: October 14 2024. 8:13pm.

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hulloitsdani · 24 days ago

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Um. So. I may have gotten stressed and started transcribing FEH’s story mode. Might currently have all of book 1 written down. Perhaps a third of the way into book 2.

This started as a way to have the preface chapters handy since they’re not replayable. But then I looked on the FE wiki and saw that they only have a small fraction of the chapters written down. And that scared me, because means that my hyperfixation has a nonzero chance of becoming lost media if the app were to go down one day. So now I have all of book 1 in my back pocket, including the preface, two intermissions, and the two relevant xenologues. Once I’m further along and have a few more books accounted for, I have no problem making the document public. But until then I encourage others to also write some of its content down. Just in case, you know? Especially those prologues and Tempest Trials.

With that PSA out of the way, omg book 1 hi!!!! It’s been forever!!!!

Apparently, I haven’t reread book 1 in its entirety since I first played Heroes! I’ve gone back to look for specific scenes and replayed the levels on harder difficulties (self inflicted or otherwise), but I haven’t done a thorough second pass before. Which was news to me, because that meant I was consistently blindsided by scenes and characterization that I completely forgot about! Did any of you remember that Zacharias was apparently Alfonse and Sharena’s childhood friend? I didn’t! But there it is, chapter 7 part 5 after battle cutscene, Anna specifies that aspect of their relationship. That’s crazy! How does the timeline even line up on that??? If he spent his childhood in Askr, how did he manage to have a strong relationship with his significantly younger sister? How did he find himself rubbing shoulders with enemy royalty? Could he have inadvertently met Peony? I’m not changing my takes on his character, but I would love to know.

Speaking of character, apparently seven years spent writing a character naturally changes how they sound! Who would have thought. It made seeing the book 1 versions of our Askr trio a little jarring, but in an oddly nostalgic way! This was a phase of the game where the story, its characters, and its world existed with the singular purpose of introducing new players to what Heroes was trying to do. Which was, at the time, being a cute yet unobtrusive gacha app tie in with simplified FE mechanics to give you that gameplay fix on the go. And to its credit, it does do a good job of this! It ain’t a masterpiece, but I was charmed by its emphasis on showing off all these cool characters you could go summon. Ryoma gets to talk for a few lines and you are going to look at his very pretty art! But that meant that the world and characters of Zenith take a bit of a backseat. They’re not here to be too complicated. The Order of Heroes are the friendly faces that go on adventures and meet these heroes that you can summon for only $19.99. But we all know where the game and its story is going to go from here. That emphasis is going to wane as FEH grows into its own identity (and also earn IntSys over $1 billion worldwide).

But that’s a later development. Before that fundamental shift is where book 1 sits. It’s in this fascinating position where these characters have yet to solidify into their recognizable forms. And if you don’t believe me, chapter 9 part 4 has a scene where Sharena and Alfonse’s roles have reversed. For once, Sharena is posing the cautionary “what if the information we are getting from this total stranger is a trap?”, to which Alfonse responds “nah I’m getting a vibe that it’s fine and that we should believe him whole heartedly.” Like??? Huh???? It’s Bruno, but still, that’s hilarious! Alfonse’s pragmatism bordering on paranoia hasn’t established itself as a massive driver of his character yet. Nor has Sharena’s role as trusting emotional core and moral compass of the group. It was very easy to borderline Mandela Effect it into being there, but it isn’t. Not quite. There are hints, sure, but once again these characters were initially made to be simple at the time. The depth doesn’t quite exist yet.

It wasn’t until I was writing this very paragraph that it finally dawned on me why the Askr trio voice lines, especially Alfonse’s lines, are such a big deal. That's where Alfonse’s character arc with trusting Kiran resides. There's the pragmatism we know and love! It’s not super present in the text of book 1, but the depth of these characters can be found in the voice lines you unlock from building them and earning the crown jewel level 40 conversation. That’s where Alfonse’s arc with his self isolating behaviors crumbles at that sight of one silly tactician. That’s where Sharena finally wins a fight against her own loneliness by forming genuine friendship with this stranger form a strange land, who is appreciative of her loud eccentricities. That’s where Anna apologizes about her initial underestimation of Kiran, thanks them for being more reliable than she could have ever hoped for, and swears that whatever hell may come their way, they’re in this together. The books themselves don’t seem to reflect this characterization until book 2, where they overall act more in accordance with the rest of the narrative. It’s as if they're taking from the voiced lines’ example and extrapolating more on the story they imply.

The one standing in slight contrast to all this is Bruno, as he's the most interesting character in book 1. It's blaringly obvious he's Zacharias, but it's genuinely amusing how deep he is in his own gaslighting. He can't manipulate, mansplain, manwhore his way out of this one folks, but he's certainly going to try! His lies aren't even that good, but it honestly contributes to how at wits end he is. Like, sure honey, I totally believe you that you just killed Zacharias. I bet he has an eight-pack too. Just take a nap for two minutes. But then everyone believes him because our protagonists have yet meld their group braincell. Overall, an amusing time.

I don't have a particular point I'm trying to make with this one. Just having a fun and pointing out the things I've noticed. Might give a little update for every book I complete. However many that will be.

#feh #fire emblem #fire emblem heroes #Feh Ted Talk #alfonse #feh alfonse #fe alfonse #fe anna #fe sharena #feh anna #feh sharena #feh bruno #fe bruno

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sunshine-jesse · 11 months ago

Text

In defense of Andrew Graves: Facing Yourself

Alt title: Andrew Graves: The Will to Plow Her

I think my analysis of Andrew is one of the best essays I've written so far. But since then, I think I've expanded my understanding of his character in a way that urges me to add on to my prior essay. What I intend on doing is further fleshing out my reading of Burial, and going deeper in detail on why I think Decay ends up panning out the way it does. This essay will end up sharing a lot of text with my prior one, but will add enough scattered throughout that I think it merits a complete reread instead of just scrolling down and seeing what's new.

I've focused a lot on Ashley in my past writings. She's my favorite character in the story (and depending on how episode 3 pans out, maybe ever) and I'm pretty mortified by how some parts of the fandom have reacted towards her, so I pretty much made it my life's mission to push back against that. From highlighting the ways Andrew mistreats her, to coming up with justifications for her behavior that aren't just being a manipulative bitch, I really wanted to prove that a more favorable picture of her could be painted than most were willing to.

But in doing so, I've left Andrew in the dust.

In highlighting his flaws and the ways he mistreats Ashley, I think I've implied a level of intentionality to his actions that I don't believe he has. When I say that Ashley did nothing wrong, it's in direct response to the idea that she holds the most responsibility and agency in how their dynamic plays out, when in reality, I believe she has very little. Most of her actions in-story are in reaction to a variety of stimuli that come directly from Andrew, that he has control over and are aware of how Ashley feels about. His refusal to use clear and direct language to deny her most toxic tendencies causes her more and more stress as time goes on, and instead of giving her clear answers he opts to be catty, passive-aggressive, or, at his worst, threatening. Never direct and never clear, except when establishing boundaries over his name after the choking scene. Andrew fails to help Ashley be better in some frankly depressing ways throughout the whole story, especially in their childhoods, so we never get to see where she'd fall short if given a better influence.

...

Kind of. More on that later!

In mentioning his thing about preferring to be called Andrew instead of Andy, I also implicitly mention one of the places where Ashley falls short in their dynamic and could stand to do better: recognition.

This scene says a lot. It's the most heartbreaking scene in the game, if you ask me, and probably the single most profound and well-written moment in the entire story. I could write a whole 2000 word essay on it alone, but I've already said most of what I have to say about it through what I've said in other essays, so I'll spare you all that. Instead, I'll use it to highlight something:

"I had fun."

Their dysfunction is fun to her. She's so used to abuse and alienation that even the most awful, stressful (as far as we know) route of the game is still fun to her. And that's not a sign of her being a secret evil sociopath or whatever; that's actually not abnormal behavior to develop for a lifelong victim of abuse. Those highs and lows, those strong emotional highs and lows are -addicting-. They're -fun.- Part of why abuse victims get into so many abusive relationships is because it's easy to pick up on those patterns of thought and take advantage of them, and the cycle of abuse is often furthered when a victim of abuse tries to draw out mutually abusive behaviors in someone with no interest in having that kind of dynamic.

This is where I'm willing to acknowledge Ashley's manipulative tendencies. Not just as a matter of controlling Andrew for its own sake, purely out of jealousy or possessiveness, but as a matter of trying to further the only dynamic she's ever known in her life. Better the devil you know, right?

That push and pull- that emotional rollercoaster- is all many of us know. And it's all Ashley knows. This dynamic is something she's so used to that she reacts incredibly harshly to any attempt to change it, because she doesn't know that things can be better. Because of this, she refuses to engage with who Andrew really is, and tells herself- and him- that she *hates* Andrew:

This scene is almost as heartbreaking as the above one in a lot of ways.

Andrew putting his foot down about the Andy/Andrew name dichotomy wasn't arbitrary and it wasn't just about his comfort. It was about Andrew giving a clear indication about what needs to happen for their relationship to improve. He's recognizing the cycle between them and wants to put a stop to it, because he's confident that things between them CAN get better and evolve into something healthier. Ashley, not understanding that their dynamic can get better, because their "fun" little push and pull of abuse is all she knows, rejects that. She rejects the unknown, and says- in Andrew's mind at least- that she'll never accept that new dynamic, nor will she accept who he really is.

Ouch. No wonder he looks so sad in that screenshot.

They have a conflict of understanding here, and I think it's fair to pin most of the responsibility on Ashley. Andrew was clear in what he wanted, and Ashley just... Didn't. She didn't see the importance of it ("...whatever that means in practice") and didn't really ask. This gap in communication, perfectly displayed in this scene, is likely what causes the Decay ending. He wants things to be better, and wants to treat Ashley better, and whether or not he understands the ways in which she communicates with him is in part what determines what he sees her as.

But there's a lot of evidence that he always wanted things to be better, that he always wanted to treat her better. But external factors have made it very, very difficult, and I think there are two key points in which he started to shed the importance of those external factors and seek that better relationship, both of which happening in the apartment: The killing of the warden and the 302 lady. In the first case, he was forced to do it to protect Ashley in a way he hadn't done before, or depending on how you look at it, since the death of Nina. But the intentionality was the key point here. After this point, he calls Ashley Leyley, which may or may not seem important at this point, but it's something I'll draw attention to later, so keep that in mind.

Next is the killing of the 302 lady, which is the much, much bigger point. We don't learn much about it until later on- as at first he just gives an excuse about the nail gun that doesn't line up with what we see on the map- but during the dream, it's revealed it was a calculated, intentional killing that he did to make sure there was no evidence left behind, and because Ashley (supposedly) would've wanted him to do it anyway. I say supposedly because Ashley herself doesn't seem to ever want Andrew to kill for her past Nina's death, because he only ever kills for her to defend one or both of them. If you want more evidence that violence for violence's sake isn't something she wants, look at this part in the final dream:

A knife isn't what opens the door, despite it being placed on the ground in that very map. While it seems obvious that the knife (violence) would be the key to solving the puzzle, it's put there explicitly to show you that it isn't. It's not what she wants; what she wants is a flower.

So, why is this important? Why am I centering Ashley- again- when this essay is supposed to be about Andrew?

It's because these two killings are when Andrew's self-delusion over who he really is starts to break down. It's still there, mind, as he still relies upon Ashley as an excuse to justify it, but, as well as what I've said before, the name ultimatum is an implicit confession that the normalcy he finds comfort in is starting to lose its grasp on him. There's a lot that's been said about Andy being something close to a "moral impulse" for Andrew, given his child self's reaction to Nina's death being the only thing he does that approximates a normal moral response to his and Ashley's actions, but if you do think that- which I think is a reasonable thing to think even if I don't necessarily agree- there's something you must also keep in mind:

-He- is the one who doesn't want to be called that anymore. -He- is the one who wants to let that moral impulse go, and Ashley is the one making it difficult.

That reading is assuming that Andy is a moral impulse, which I think is... either wrong or too simplistic. Every time I see that reading, it's from someone who's trying to paint him too sympathetically and absolve him of most moral responsibility. I also find it infantilizing to equate morality with childhood in such a way? But that's another tangent that I didn't sign up to talk about. What I do think, however, is that it's a useful framing device to display his own relationship with morality; the allegory to his child self doesn't have to be there for the general pattern to exist.

When Ashley starts to grill Andrew over the killing of the 302 lady, he gets mad. Very mad. Ashley sees it as pointless, as him covering his own ass, but he genuinely did it for her sake, because he thought that's what she wanted, and that it'd make her happy. But what makes her happy isn't violence- or any similarly extreme action for that matter- it's attention and validation. Something he's always reluctant to give her, despite the fact that he always chose her over the alternatives. But despite making that choice, it's always empty and meaningless, because in Ashley's mind, he never did it for her sake.

And hoo boy, does he not like it being framed like this.

He is perfectly willing to do whatever it takes to keep them happy and safe... but only for her sake. It has to be for her sake. He still needs that traditional role, and he still needs to have a narrative in which he's the good guy- a protector. Because it can't be for his sake. It can't be because that's what he wants. He has to uphold that romantic (in the literary tradition sense) ideal. His darkly romantic idealistic streak colors many of his actions and beliefs. This is most plainly visible in his quip about a double suicide being romantic, but it's also visible within the symbolism present within his dream, such as how he can only pave his own path in blood unless Ashley lights the way. It's visible within his appreciation for poetry, and it's visible with how the cultist within the dream speaks in Shakespearean English.

But the transient nature of this ideal is also revealed within this dream, because there's never a cohesive, guided path, even with Ashley there to light it up. Contrary to Ashley's dream, where you literally have maps showing you where to go, Andrew's dream has many more dead ends and no map to guide him. The symbolic role he acts out gives him no clarity, and there's no overarching narrative; merely a bunch of disconnected symbols.

This is contrasted with Ashley's dream, which has narratives so clear that the story literally gives the dream an episode title.

In a sense, he wants to view himself as an actor acting out a role in a story. He wants his life to be poetic, to represent something greater, and to have a cohesive narrative. This is why he's so disconnected from his true desires: He's more concerned with acting as a representative of an ideal than a person with agency. But every time the mask drops, every time he stops acting, his true self becomes visible. He naturally settles into being comfortable around Ashley, in treating her with warmth and kindness, and their banter becomes much less toxic. As intent as he is on acting out his role, it does nothing for him, and as his dream sequence shows, it doesn't even form a cohesive narrative, because he can't act one out. It's too contrary to who he really is, and what he really wants. But that idealization doesn't just apply to himself, it also applies to Ashley. Specifically, who Ashley is, vs who he wants her to be.

In his unique dream sequence, he sees two versions of Ashley; the child version of her- Leyley- and the adult version of her- Ashley. And the differences in the ways he interacts with the two of them are stunning. Leyley is an obstinate, annoying child. She's the one he NEEDS to take care of, and he hates that. He hates Leyley for what she did for his childhood. He hates that he needs to provide for her. He has the option of trying to kill her, even, over something as small as a candle!

But in the room with all the murders, the gilded cage, he sees Ashley as an adult. This version of Ashley is stuck in a closet that he himself has to open- and to choose to see. Their interactions are calm and friendly. She teases him a bit, sure, but she's still helpful, and they have fun together. He doesn't need her, and she doesn't need him. He needed Leyley- needed the candle- but here, there are other limbs strewn about for him to take. And, crucially, he doesn't even have the option to kill this Ashley for one of the limbs.

And during the choking scene, he lets her go the moment she acknowledges that he doesn't need her anymore. This is the first time we know of that he seems comfortable enough to set a clear boundary, which is acknowledging that their prior dynamic is dead and that they're now Andrew and Ashley, not Andy and Leyley. It's a bit late to express a clear boundary -after- literally acting like he was going to kill someone, but it's the first time we know of that he sets a clear standard for what, in his mind, would improve his relationship with Ashley.

After all, what he wants is to want her, not need her. He wants Ashley for Ashley's sake. Not for what she can provide him. He doesn't even need her for sleep, he just wants her. But Ashley has trouble acknowledging this, because he's never before shown that WANT. Only a NEED. She keeps trying to find ways to make him need her, because she's never seen what his desire for her is really like. She's only ever seen him desiring someone else, someone other than her.

She's only ever seen him as Andy, because she's never truly seen Andrew, only the violence he can inflict on others. But Andrew can see both:

He can see Leyley, the needy, bratty child who always needs his attention, that he needs to provide for. The one he hates and wants to get rid of. The one he kills for to protect.

And he can see Ashley, the one who engages in friendly and cute banter with him. Who comforts and shows him physical affection. The one he loves. The one he kills for to make happy.

He just can't choose which one he wants to see. Every outside influence- from his parents, to Julia, to Nina- makes him see her as Leyley. Ashley herself makes him see her as Leyley too, whenever she brings up all the things he did for her, and calls him Andy, his child self, instead of Andrew, his current self. And as long as he sees that child, he feels like one too, and can never give Ashley anything that comes from the heart.

But he really, really wants to see Ashley as an adult. He wants to take pride in her, how much she's grown, and how driven and competent she really is.

But god damn, does that bitch ever make it hard, because there IS no real difference between Ashley and Leyley. She's grown and changed over time, taking more adult (and stereotypically feminine) responsibility upon herself, but the fact that her temperament and personality hasn't changed much obfuscates that growth. When you talk to Ashley in the closet during the dream after getting the limb, Andrew asks Ashley to come out of the closet, but she refuses to come out because he won't invite Leyley over to play, which is a pretty strong metaphor for how he interfaces with different aspects of Ashley's personality and refuses to accept others. But the reality is that he needs to accept both, or rather, see her whole self as Ashley, rather than just the parts he likes.

In the end, it's him who has to make the choice how to see her. Ashley can only see what she's been shown, but Andrew can choose.

And in the basement scene, he makes that choice.

If Ashley refuses to leave him alone with their parents, that's it. In one of the most critical and important moments of his life, she couldn't give him the space needed to make up his own mind. She couldn't treat him as an adult. She couldn't see him as Andrew. If she does give him that choice, she chooses to acknowledge that Andrew is an adult who can be trusted to make his own decisions, even though she (perhaps foolishly) believes that this choice lines up with her own interests. And frankly it does either way, but in accepting their mom's offer, her chooses to see her as Leyley once and for all. He chooses not to reciprocate what Ashley showed him. He does it because he needs to, not because he wants to. Because it's his duty, not his desire.

This is what results in the Decay ending. Through his inability to see Ashley as an adult, he surrenders his agency and views all of his actions as an extension of his responsibilities, his role, which he no longer wishes to uphold. He dissociates fully from who he really is, acting in accordance with that disconnected, barely-cohesive narrative that exists only within his mind. The game starts to resemble the heartwrenching tragedy that many seem to take for granted that it is, as their dynamic fully doubles down on its painful toxicity. And, in an example of a poetic book end, Ashley's dream shows a double suicide, closing the book on their tragic tale.

It's tragic. It's heartwrenching. It's poetic. It's beautiful.

...Except it's not. Not at all.

It's actually fucking stupid, pointless, and brutal, and Burial shows us that. When we view their spiral as beautiful, we project the same darkly romantic ideal that Andrew possesses onto the story.

But the actual reality is horrifying.

Ashley spends most of Decay terrified of Andrew, the one person she found comfort in. He acts cold, distant, and aggressive towards her, showing pointless cruelty instead of any warmth. All she wants is comfort; all she wants is to not die. She doesn't want to engage in this death spiral at all, and, in her dream sequence, shows none of the same willingness to die alongside Andrew that Andrew does with her. The moment we stop focusing on the end of the Decay dream sequence, which has very striking imagery, and if you choose not to shoot, one of the most beautiful scenes in the game, we can see it for what it really is:

A scared animal running away from a predator.

The moment you see Decay through Ashley's eyes, and not the perspective of some romantic ideal, Decay becomes terrifying, tense, and painful. There is no catharsis to be had in this tragedy. It's easily avoidable as long as Andrew chooses to engage with reality, and not the empty promises of his mother and incoherent narrative of his ideal.

Finding beauty and meaning in tragedy is how we cope with the harshness of reality. But there is no coherent narrative to the tragedies we experience, just like there's no coherent narrative to the ideal Andrew wishes to uphold. It's something we create- that he creates- but it's not something that actually exists.

And when Andrew casts aside his desire for that ideal, and the responsibilities it shackles him to, it grants him clarity that he never had before. He sees the world for how it really is, and acknowledges that nobody- the least of which their mother- is as different from Ashley as they pretend to be.

They're no better than her, and he's tired of people pretending that they are. People are all the same, no matter what ideals they try to uphold and represent. They still sacrifice others in the name of advancing themselves, still punch down whenever they can, and still lay blame on those beneath them rather than try to take control of their lives. They just use those ideals to justify themselves, but Ashley, and now Andrew, reject even the need for that justification.

This is why I believe the story is nihilistic. Not in that it asserts the inherent meaninglessness of life, but in that it grapples with the ideals we uphold and how they obfuscate the reality of the world we live in. The story, intentionally or not, highlights how ideals are often but a pretense we use to justify what we were likely going to do regardless, and how holding to them too strongly can lead to our ruin- and how monstrous they make us look to those who do not share them.

Consequently, this is how I view the part of the fanbase who thinks Decay is a good ending.

(the characters themselves represent existentialism rather than nihilism but i couldn't really fit that analysis in here without it feeling forced so i might cover that another time)

From that point on, their relationship becomes a lot more friendly, lighthearted, and playful. They ironically start acting more like children, but to quote CS Lewis:

"Critics who treat adult as a term of approval, instead of as a merely descriptive term, cannot be adult themselves. To be concerned about being grown up, to admire the grown up because it is grown up, to blush at the suspicion of being childish; these things are the marks of childhood and adolescence."

He's not ashamed of being playful with Ashley, or showing affection towards her. He's grown up. He finally sees her, and himself, as an adult- although he still doesn't show that in full until much later on (more or that later). But in Decay, he still sees her as a child, and to an extent, probably himself. Let's compare the ways in which he reacts to being called Andy. In Decay, he lashes out at Ashley and gets angry, even threatening her. But in Questionable Burial, he calmly says that Andy is dead and doesn't need Ashley's comfort, but still tries to reassure her that she's still needed. He's not ashamed of or hostile towards their prior dynamic, because he's grown past it. He still acknowledges Ashley's need to feel needed, but here, he recognizes its importance to her, whereas he was hostile towards it before.

It's a display of respect towards her feelings.

This interaction doesn't happen in the Sane ending, however. He doesn't play games with her and is just a lot less fun to be around all together. Why is that? Because he still hasn't yet shaken viewing Ashley as Leyley there. He still views her as a burden, as someone who needs taking care of. He's calmly accepted that, too, mind you, but he lacks respect for her because she's still a child, in his mind. But in Questionable?

The vision did more than just make him extremely embarrassed and lay his deepest desires bare. It forced him to recognize Ashley as an adult. When choosing between "Never" and "Never say never," if Never is chosen, the burden of thought is lifted off of him. But if Ashley chooses "Never say never!", he has to reckon with the fact that Ashley is an adult, someone who can consent to those kinds of things. Someone who MIGHT. Someone who has agency, and can make her own decisions. And more importantly… someone who can trust him to make his own.

Whether he desires sex or not is secondary; he's always had those feelings and has always been ashamed of them. But now that the part of him where that shame came from is dead and buried, there's no childish impulse to grow up. There's no attachment to the hate and bitterness he had before. Look at what he worries about when he picks up that she's uncertain or confused about who he is now:

It's her feelings.

He wants to be fun to be around. He wants to make Ashley happy. He loves her, and not as a romantic interest or even as a sibling. He loves her independent of all that baggage.

He loves her as a person.

Their relationship runs contrary to societal ideals in some pretty huge ways. So contrary, in fact, that it's hard for some to accept it as anything good, that it can ever be best for the people involved. It's incestuous. It involves them killing and eating their parents. It involves them distancing themselves so much from society that it's hard to believe they'll ever fit in it again. It's chaotic, it's messy, it's codependent, and maybe even toxic. And yet, here they are. They're coexisting. They're happy. They're healing. They're navigating the world in the only way they can: together.

Meanwhile, in Decay, Andrew refuses to allow himself to get closer to Ashley. He surrenders all agency to her, buys into his own narrative, drinks his own Kool-Aid, and may or may not condemn one or both of them to death in the process. Like it or not, the only path where Andrew takes ownership of his life is the one where he's closest to his sister. It's the one where he decides where they will go next, the one where he decides his own feelings matter, and acts in accordance with what he wants instead of how he thinks he should act.

His agency, his freedom, and his growth don't happen in spite of his codependency; they're happen because of it. They can't grow alone. They can't heal alone.

In reading the story, one must interrogate how important those societal ideals are in the face of the realities of what makes people happy. Are those ideals worth upholding in spite of this? Can we really allow people to fall through the cracks in the name of social norms? Can we blame people for taking rash actions when the social contract has failed them?

Or are we so blinded by those ideals that we can't see that people can be happy while blatantly disregarding them?

All I know is that in Burial, Andrew, having cast aside normalcy, now appears to be truly happy for the first time in his life.

Who are we to take that from him?

#the coffin of andy and leyley #andrew graves #ashley graves #tcoaal #gaming #gravecest #tcoaal essay

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the-moon-files · 1 year ago

Text

Linked Universe / GN!Reader - Random Headcanons abt the Chain! :)

Part 1 / Part 2 (ur here!) / Part 3

Sun: Reader (you/they/them)

Orbit: Headcanons-ish

Stars: Hyrule, Time, Fierce Deity, Twilight, Warriors

Comets & Meteors: Content Warnings: light cussing, & Trigger Warnings: none known.

☆

Hyrule (The Legend of Zelda - OG game, Zelda II: Adventures of Link):

Lost easily, obviously, you know this

What you didnt know was that its very easy to get lost with him

Bc he's so excited/curious for new sights he doesnt give any fucks abt where he is, so it devolves into that "wait, I thought YOU were leading us there?? Then where tf are we??!!" very quickly

Does feel bad he stressed u out smtimes but he somehow manages to get into such wild shit that Hyrule's kinda preoccupied being confused/amazed/finding his way out, or any combo of these situations (once again, usually with you unfortunately)

Is the luckiest when it comes to getting lost or anything to do with "natural" things

Like he heard u rlly like this one fruit? Accidentally gets lost all day and panics all the Links + You until he shows up at midnight with a shirtful of them

("I found a few fruit trees/plants in the woods while wandering! I tried to grab a few for you and before I knew it, it was dark, sorry...")

Likes learning little skills from other people, like learning how to do makeup from Legend, or how to spot collections of rupees the Minish have left somewhere from Four, or how walk on any terrain from Wind (good at walking on a ship, on land, climbing etc)

More of a "sunset" hiker than a "sunrise" one

Likes to do your hair! Whether that be braiding, putting accessories (he handmade shhh) thruout it, or helping with hair maintenance, likes how strangely intimate but domestic it feels together with you (u return the favor ofc)

(All the other heroes are looking at you both like kicked puppies jfcccc🙄)

Time (Ocarina of Time, Majora's Mask):

Gets anxious if he's late to things, likes being fashionably early (or ungodly, when u let him get away with it)

Has absolutely been that meme from Parks and Recreation where he's like "Alright. I'm not mad, I just wanna know. Who broke it?"

(Abt the coffee pot for the camp)

Knowing full and well-

"I broke it. It burnt my coffee for the 3rd morning in a row, so I punched it. I predict 10 minutes from now they'll be at each other's throats with war paint on their faces and a moblin head on a stick. ...good. It was getting a little chummy around here."

MF LOVES GOSSIP (wouldn't admit this even at swordpoint)

Wars has absolutely been the person in the meme of:

Wars: "...why would you tell me this??"

Time: "Bc no one will ever believe you."

Wars: ...😦

Has a resting bitch face and knows it, actively cultivates it, scary dog privileges for you,

Type to take ur side in whatever situation ur in, even when Time has no idea whats going on, always, without question <3

The same height as First, (Twi's a close 2nd), and feels most secure when the 3 of you are at the front of the group, but First/Time are slightly in front of you

Like ur literally the person walking their 2 huge scary doobermans/mastiffs one leash in each hand basically 💀

(Once again, Link is deeply comforted by ur voice just over his shoulder/just hearing u even without seeing you)

Very subtly sarcastic, u dont even know he made a dig at you until 3-5 business days later

Likes ur sarcasm more than anyone else's in the group, or even his own lol

Fierce Deity (Majora's Mask):

Likes music, any music (amused at drunk karaoke)

Casually cradles ur arms or back whenever ur falling asleep/tripping/being clumsy near him

Very warm and smoothed calloused hands

Thinks abt what he's about to say so hard/long, that the conversation's moved on by like, 3 rounds/subject changes by the time he's actually ready to talk

Scolds ppl (in like a sentence) who neglect their needs, like sleeping/eating/hygiene

Finds peace in nature, if hes ever upset, u can bet he's already taking a walk by a stream

Likes teaching u/other Links little skills he has, its nice to feel appreciated/needed for something other than fighting or big moments

He falls in love with small moments, like the first time u made them all a dessert recipe from ur world, or repaired First's scarf (for the millioneth time) and bc everyone had gotten their clothes scratched up, everyone needed repairs so most Links were sewing smth lol

Enjoys watching ppl experience smth for the first time, or even himself exp smth for first time

Fierce smiled fully for the first time when you got into the mountain hot springs in Wild's Hyrule for the first time and were super excited

Also the type to hold ur hand while stepping in to make sure u dont fall, or just subtly boost a Link that was abt to fall from climbing smth

Like for being the tallest, he's surprisingly sneaky, the energy of the biggest cat in the house yet somehow also the quietest

Does that thing where someone takes ur hand and like massages ur fingers, palm, wrist and shakes them out kinda for you <3

Twilight (Twilight Princess):

Trips UP the stairs.

Cold start LMAO

ok ill be nice to him,, sike

Easy to bully?? U mean that kindly, he's just such a golden retriever sometimes u cant help urself (tho u make sure to reign it in and not take advantage of it so as not to genuninely hurt him)

Lol likes to "herd" his favorite people, like those dogs livestock farmers have u kno that they say end up herding their owners/their family lol

Like making subtle circles around the Chain, wrapping an arm around Hyrule and teasing him to quietly bring him back into the group before he gets lost,

Tugs on Time's armor to slow him down, mf may be in armor head to toe but he'll outpace all of u 💀

Likes to put his hand on ur lower back to guide u back into the group from whatever scenic thing u got distracted by

(so sue you, ur literally in The Legend of Zelda's Hyrule, surrounded by pretty blondes, why tf wouldnt you be distracted all the time??)

The only time he doesnt herd actively is in Ordon, just subconciously lol <3

Terrible sleep schedule, but sleeps like the dead when he does, has collapsed with a limb on top of you and u couldnt escape

Hard time waking up in the morning despite being country boy, who usually have to do chores first thing in morning on a farm

hates/envious of Wild (up at 5am even on days off?? Foul.)

Runs warm, but complains abt a slight breeze?

Would sleep with no covers if it werent for morning dew

Wishes cats liked him more (its the wolf smell)

Twi has the constant energy of a tall person carefully maneuvering around cluttered/low doorways while someone a head shorter runs by him and bounces off of him

U get onto/scold the Links and he's immediately the first to just sit on the ground, or put down whatever he's holding no matter what he's doing LMAO 😭😭

Keeps his eyes on u too the whole time lol

Warriors (Hyrule Warriors):

Cries over romance novels/dramas

A virgo in all stereotypes of the word tbh

Invented the red-string conspiracy theory board before the red-string conspiracy board existed in Hyrule

Also likes to take care of your hair! (What?? He and 'Rulie don't fight over ur hair, that'd be childish, he's not a foolish boy- Hyrule, hand over the brush.👹)

Remembers the little things abt u type of person, like ur favorite drink, ur favorite stories like tv shows/books even if theyre from ur world, ur favorite clothing pieces like shorts vs. pants, etc.

The only Link who can single handedly claim he could take your closet and dress you in something you'd actually wear.

Honestly once he got the hang of it, would get better at dressing you, than you

(Another domestic thing he adores, picking outfits for u/finding that perfect piece of clothing you've been needing lately)

Born to night-owl, forced to morning-bird 😔

Wars wakes up stiff sometimes bc soldier training is sleeping on ur back, hands to ur sides, laying straight in ur bed, so as to fit into bunks/bedrolls close together

It got better as he was promoted to Captain, so he could have his own quarters but its still a hard habit to shake

One of the few Links who works up the courage to genuinely pitfully ask if you'd mind massaging his shoulders again? He slept badly last night, please?? 🥺👉👈

(Ur so weak for pathetic hurting pretty blonde twinks lol)

The most lowkey abt taking care of Chain, but u make sure to take care of him as a gift back, and you've definitely caught him tearing up abt it 💖

☆

Debated writing smth else first but figured this was easy and short and i started it first so youll have to wait like one more post before more Masc Reader stuff guys 😔

Dw its coming, i havent abandoned u my homies out there 🫂

Let me know what u think in the comments of my slight characterizations here!

Im struggling to conceptualize their personalities so thats acc part of why i started to write smaller stuff like this first! :)

Peace out,

🌙

#lu x reader #linked universe x reader #linked universe x gender neutral reader #lu x male reader #link x reader #linked universe reader #lu imagines #lu time x reader #lu warriors x reader #lu hyrule x reader #lu fierce deity x reader #lu twilight x reader #loz link x reader #jfc is that all of them yet #save me #well not link obv mf is the one making me suffer here 💀#too many mf tags

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