#its the way this man has sent me into a spiral abt my whole life like what the fuuuckkkkk is thatttt~~~

[fr00tbats]

i think at the end of the day wherever i land here w my life falling apart, i gotta celebrate that w a rizzo the rat tattoo

[cvastals]

ok heres my 8th char * starts crying cuz im getting ahead of myself bt idc ig *

* brenton thwaites, cis man + he/him  | you know abel romanov, right? they’re twenty-seven, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, their whole life on and off? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to the system only dreams in total darkness by the national like, a million times this year, which makes sense ‘cause they’ve got that whole ordering coffee with an ice cube because you’re too impatient to wait for it to cool, unhealthy obsession with everything being perfect, forcing on a smile so often it aches thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is december 3rd, so they’re a sagittarius, which is unsurprising, all things considered.

background.

second child 2 senator vaughn and philanthropist adelaide who’s currently running for irving’s mayor, younger brother of cain!! the romanov’s r quite well known fr their All American n Lavish lifestyle

growing up abel worshiped cain he was the cool older sibling who cld do it all n still maintain the lifestyle he wanted/their parents expected n abel wanted nothing more than to follow in their footsteps

he tried his best to keep up, did everything cain did, but his grades were always just a bit lower, or his form was always just a bit off, he always felt second fiddle, like it was his role in life as the second child

abel ignored it the best he could for most of his life but he started to notice a different side of cain that he didn’t show their family and a side that :/ abel didn’t like or know at all that was quite vile and this was when some resentment started to form bc their parents thought of cain as their Golden Child n didnt see what was going on behind the scenes whereas abel tried his best to be genuinely good if he could help it

by his senior year of high school things were starting to look up a bit, his already rly good grades were managing to improve, he was on a bunch of social teams, and the coach was saying it was looking good for him to become captain of the soccer team by his second semester, which would look good for scholarships

bt bc i hate my muses obviously this was not going to happen?

abel was still subconsciously trying to impress his family, his siblings, the people around him, wearing himself out until he was stretched far too thin, and he paid for it with one wrong move during a soccer game that had his knee popping out of place and shattering

it was really really really bad, he was in a cast for a few months bc it needed several surgeries, obviously sports were permanently out of his future, he still walks with a limp in his right and is in need of a cane to this day

this sent abel into a really bad depressive spiral sighs that he didn’t really talk to anyone about cause he’d trained himself at that point to just keep things to himself and never reveal his emotions so that no one could catch him vulnerable or have an upper hand on him

however this was the final nudge he needed to really become his Own Person after realizing it’d gone too far and he’d gotten too bad (on medication now to regulate when he gets out of control/starts to get bad again bc it does happen from time to time)

told his parents fk ur money! n moved out of home, had a rly lovely letter of recommendation from airi’s dad that got him into medical school, started joining different teams tht he thought wld b more fun (radio, chess, etc.), starting to distance himself from his siblings a bit too (mostly out of shame)

personality.

rly started to loosen up, threw a lot of parties at the romanov summer beach house without telling his parents n would purposely act out/make more friends than he ever had trying to uphold the family image

is still . quite stiff around the edges to this day tho, thinks everything through and has like daily planners he writes down his entire days in to the Second old habits die hard its jst how he functions at this point

had another rly rly bad depressive episode when cain went missing bt like everything he does? he internalized it baybee!

is like overly nice tho he just rly struggles expressing himself/being openly emotional and vulnerable with ppl he thinks they’ll view it as weakness tho he’s a bit desperate to properly let someone in

when cain came back (will b explained in james’ bio) their parents encouraged abel to keep an eye on them n it made abel :/ another reason fr resentment in his eyes (he still loves his brother bt bc hes so bad at expressing himself he thinks hes gna make cain worse if anything)

has been with several ppl bc hes kinda desperate fr approval/fr ppl to need him so hes been quite a good bf in the past bt his incapability to properly open up has put a real Damper on things

likes to think hes in perfect control of his emotions bt explodes a lot bc hes bottled things up fr years

is in no way a Bros Bro but will blush over his shirtless guy friends sometimes then b like . awww so endearing of me i must love my friends sm<3 like jst doesn’t realize he’s Bi LKSHDGKLHSDKLG he wldnt even freak out if he found out he’s just clueless.

thts all . i can think of now ok bye<3

connections.

exes???? he wld have a Few methinks

fwb’s/past hookups/ur regular old Spice

obvs he’s never been w a guy before but i am So Desperate fr a funny/cute plot where a friend or even jst a random hits on him/Opens His Eyes and he goes wow this is all starting to make sense.

ppl he has a crush on…………. bt wld never say anything abt it . in his current Frivolously Unemotionally Emotional state

family friends/ppl he grew up with?? or ppl who knew him before he separated himself from his family a bit n knew him as a diff guy n is like ‘omg wtf lol’ now

obvs . some friends Bleathe

enemies?? ppl who he got annoyed with n jst lost it on bc it was a wrong place wrong time Situation.

thts all i can think of rn very basic bt teehee

[latinozevran-archive]

okay finally making thorough post abt sgrs ending for just future reference for anyone if they are interested in watching bc i do think its important to know first.. tried to keep it as spoiler free as possible other than the obvious and sry for the length kajshdf but anyways i am going to put the rest under a read more ♥️ and cw incest mention

ok i am gonna try to make this as comprehensible as possible i have had a few stabs at this already w friends so hope this goes well bc there's a lot to unpack abt this but the first thing to understand abt it is 1) imo the twist u are given is ABSOLUTELY a fucking lie and given the amnt of times i have now seen the show i feel very confident in this, and 2) it is a very easy scene to note the start of and then skip which i will mention @ the end..

all right so no stalling getting into the twist itself and then uh. explaining after. but first assuming no context for what sgrs is about:

the story is largely abt like family what it means etc following the course of one mans life! he has an adopted daughter child of ex-beard and ex-man he was in love with his whole life who passed away and they have a very complicated difficult relationship and a major part of s2 is about them beginning to repair that as they both get older and what happens when she has a baby and he actually finds himself unexpectedly loving being a grandfather and it being like his second chance to have a child in his life and treat him with the warmth and kindness he failed to show his daughter when she was younger but also just spoiling him rotten in true grandparent fashion askfhksndbf... it is all very sweet and moving. thing abt mr baby is his mom has him on her own no father in the picture it provides at one point an explanation for who the bio father may be with somewhat of an implication that may not rly be who it is i am so sorry if you can already see where this is going promise there will only be like one more sentence of this and then i can explain AKSJD.

THUS the mind numbingly evil bit is a side character at the end going up to the daughter years after protags death and going wink wink u know all this time i must admit i had a theory abt who your sons father was.. and this evil little man rly suggests the protag was her sons father like jfc and of course bc the authors evil she rly left it w konatsu just going well >:) whos to say. i am never gonna answer that question tho.

OKAY SO ONTO LIKE CONTEXT bc i had none when i first watched and i will say this sent me spiraling a bit my god my god.

FIRST THING. i do wanna explain why its a plain ass lie but i also need to clarify in no way is it excusable as a writing decision.. the author is a supremely fucked up woman who i do not intend to excuse for anything she has written esp this and my take on her um. decision making here was more like a fucked up reference to evil tropes than utilizing them herself bc i wouldnt put it past her to have done that frankly but it wouldve had to simply be a different story than it was. absolutely no quarrel w someone who doesnt want to watch it given all this like it really is... yeah. also no need to touch the manga the animes better anyways lol

2) ok if u are still reading... i think context for who is saying what is very important it is a man who you are consistently told has had it out for the protagonist for YEARS and really is shown to have something just a little off about him the evil shit he will sometimes say out of the blue building up to this... he is NOT framed as a reliable source of info. secondly like konatsu truly is his daughter man her freakishly evasive reply if it were abt anything else truly would be funny i hate it here

3) i am not gonna bother listing all the reasons it is false bc it would be way too long unless anyone wants 2 ask me further but highlight reel how much of the story is abt their parent child dynamics, the fact that he was.. in love w her father and helped raise her a bit with him even when he was still alive, just about every other thing abt their relationship and also his relationship with his grandson, etc... and also the fact that lying and shaping narratives of a life is um . a major element of the story and for someone to kind of pathetically attempt to do that after kikuhiko's death is definitely intentional

4) LASTLY it is tempting to think the story is in 2 parts bc s1 feels like such an isolated story u would think part 2 is maybe only partially related but i promise it isnt and changes the meaning of season 1 fairly significantly so if this seems like it is something u are up for i would definitely recommend watching them both season 2 really is very good otherwise and also wanna stress this is not like. the Ending of sgrs this is an individual scene in the last episode that is upsetting enough to overshadow everything else if ur unprepared but in the grand scheme of things far from the most important plot thing going on

AND THE THING I PROMISED UP TOP: if u actually do watch, there is a scene that starts w konatsu and higuchi sitting down having a conversation, nothing super important happens u can either skip the conversation altogether or specifically once they are alone bc the kids are there for a bit, and thats it :)

THANK U FOR READING... HAVE FUN STAY SAFE

[amazingmichelleman]

Tell me your opinions on BatB 2017 (it's one of those things where left to myself I'll dislike it, but I am capable of flipping a mental switch and appreciating a bunch of things about it. ("Very well, then I contradict myself, I am large, I contain multitudes."))

i know its been like 15 years since you sent this but here we go. I liked the beauty and the beast live action movie for three main reasons. 1.) more detailed individual character growth 2.) good updates to the music 3.) gastoni mean, everything that people complain about is totally right, theres a lot of wonky stuff in the movie but idk i still just think its funand as a note before i start getting into it, i realized one big thing i liked when i watched linsay ellis’s video on youtube when she complained bc there wasnt very much romance but THATS WHY I LIKED IT LOL. the movie is more concerned with belle’s and beast’s individual character growth than their romance AND TBH if this movie had gone the way of maleficent and purposely shunned romantic love for the power of platonic love honestly that would have been a MUCH stronger plot line. beast and belle had real bff vibes. ah what could have been...

ok so 1.) character plots. this was a very 50/50 split bc gaston and beast got well developed arcs, belle only got like half way through hers before it was dropped, and the servants was like.....you didnt even try did u.gaston ill get to later, but the beast i loved cause he had more lines where he was just being chill and not sad or angry, unlike in the original. his story was very much about unlearning toxic masculinity and stopping the cycle of abuse from his dad, and i thought that was way cooler than the “changed by belle’s love” trope. they seemed a lot more like friends and shared common interests in books. and like. when beast scoffs at belle cause she likes a “girly” book like romeo and juliet but then she catches him reading it and enjoying it later? thats good stuff man. thats gooood stuff. 

and just like. the song where hes singing to his mom “not until my whole life is done will i ever leave you.....” AND THEN HIS MOM DIES AND HIS DAD LEADS HIM AWAY reblog uf u crie evry tiem.... and then when they go thru the book thing and he’s like Oh Paris I Love Paris What Shall We See First!!! an absolute cutieBelle’s story really started going somewhere and im mad that it just ended like “figured out my origin story so guess im cool now” like no. they had a really good line in the song that went “i was innocent and certain, now im wiser but unsure” and then that’s never resolved! like belle has always been such a cool character who didnt let beast walk all over her and when he finally figured out her boundaries, thats when they could start to communicate like hello?? awesome woman alert and you just let that drop?? and everyone says that belle’s backstory abt her mom wasnt needed and theyre probs right but the scene where beast is like Paris?! meanwhile belle brooding in the background. good stuff. belle’s song, the plague doctor, her dad being forced to leave his wife behind.........................good food man good foodand the servants everyone has talked abt. the whole “it was our fault the beast was abused” nonsense, plus in general their line abt “whats a servant without serving”, and that evil village lady reuniting with cogsworth and its played off as a joke, like why do you gotta do these good men and woman dirty like that2.) music?? good!!!! good music. days in the sun? good. gaston song?? good!! kill the beast!!! so good. it was all good.3.) Gaston!!!!!!!!!! a problematic fave wow!!! i think what really makes him good is the actor choice. i generally dont care abt actors so i dont know anything abt the man, but he seems like a good guy ya know. if the actor was sketch playing a bad character id be like ew but cause the actor seems nice and hes playing a bad character im like whoohoo!! is that weird? idk whateverGaston’s descend into evilness is like. the character arc of the decade my man. the way you expect him to do his douchey thing in the beginning like in the original, but he’s actually not that bad, and u know he DOES have a point abt spinsters not able to thrive in this time period, like guilt tripping not cool, but he didnt say “women shouldnt read!!” so thats a step upand he like. genuinely wanted to win her over by helping her dad. like he really tried but belle’s dad really pushed all his villain buttons man! so he did a bad thing like not cool dude. and then!!!! then he’s got to stick with it and defend himself against the townspeople. they’re not madly in love with him so he’s got to MAKE them that way. the way he turns around that conversation was SO good and roping lefou in against his will and jumping on the kill the beast thing to save his own skin. and from there he’s just gotta keep going!! he’s gotta hunt down the beast not just for belle but for himself and his standing in the village. like i just thought that whole spiral was done SOOO well. best part of the movie tbh. and even tho lefou’s sexuality was problematic, it really added to his and gaston’s arcs of one person becoming evil and their close friend jumping ship on the situation bc they know that their loved one is wrong.so like. yeah. live action beauty and the beast, man.

[possibilistfanfiction]

hey jude!!! just read ur last anon abt being nb and wondered if u could talk abt ur own gender experience?

well basically i didnt grow up in a very open household, like rly Zero discussion of gender, so i know i Experienced gender entirely but i played almost exclusively with the boys in my class until probably grade 6 or 7, & at puberty, even tho i was a better athlete than most boys in my class still, i started hanging out with girls more, at recess, etc. i was always into androgyny, even if i had no idea (& i didn’t) what that was—i liked some femme things, absolutely, but i wanted nothing to do w skirts or pretty shoes. i wanted to be in adidas running sneakers 24/7 if i could help it, & i wore a uniform to school w the option of a skirt/pants, & im p sure i always wore pants. at the time this, to me, seemed more functional, & it was, but it was also, as i can understand now, something that made me feel Less like a girl, although not at all like a boy.

when i was older, 12, 13, 14, my parents wanted me to dress nicer, & i was v much into like american eagle shit, although by mid hs i was into some vintage stuff. one rly big odd style influence for me was mia wasikowksa in this weird movie called restless bc it was this v soft femme androgyny & i think for me this kind of gender expression became very important to see & understand. it wasn’t that she didn’t look like a girl, or that she wasn’t a girl, but she also sometimes looked like a boy, or wore boys clothes, but she wasn’t butch. idk this movie sent me for a loop honestly lol. 

& obviously my understanding of gender expression didn’t correlate (& doesn’t correlate!) w so many gender identities, & “passing” is extremely harmful as a notion, etc. but when i was younger my understanding of gender & sexuality was very limited & began to expand when i saw very femme but still andro ppl, even tho i couldn’t articulate it at the time. 

when i was a teenager i knew i didnt want to rly have a single thing to do w any boy, which made me sure i was a lesbian bc thats the only narrative i’d rly known abt queerness, or queer women, or even queer ppl who presented as femme. there werent any out lesbians at my school (no fucking way), & the only out queer kid at all was a white gay guy a year older than me, who was popular in the way white gay boys can be popular in high school. but i read voraciously, was fascinated by the crossdressing in shakespeare (paris in the merchant of venice was a particular fixation of mine?) & anyway. i knew i was queer, i knew i liked girls, & i knew i was outrageously uncomfortable w my body, particularly my breasts. for a long time i thought this was because i was ashamed of my sexuality, when i came to sort of understand that, but ofc now i know abt dysmorphia & dysphoria, so yknow. knowledge.

when i went to college i came out big time, & it became very important to me to both be queer & look sort of queer but not queer enough to be Queer—i wanted ppl to be like ‘maybe into girls, but maybe straight.’ as im sure many of us know, this was a lot of internalized shame abt a lot of things, so that sucks. however, i cut my hair which was like the first comfortable thing i had done for my appearance in a v long time, & also smth which my parents hated & i did anyway. i wore a Lot of rly femme stuff bc they hated it tho? so this was all v confusing for me bc my parents are v homophobic, & here i was in college starting to read queer theory & gender theory & falling in love w like. the most beautiful, brilliant girl, & also spiraling into a mixed episode after i got diagnosed w bipolar I, which sort of put everything else on the backburner for a year. 

eventually tho i sorted that out (as much as u can sort smth like that out) & i started to rly pay attention to androgyny. i went to europe & i think theres a whole bunch of nuances to fashion that exist there that certainly arent here, & i spent a winter in warsaw so there were aspects to fashion & expression there that were entirely abt functionality, which i was v attracted to. in college, as well, & especially after college, gender became smth i was v much invested in bc i was (& absolutely am) a feminist, so my place in the canon & zeitgeist was one as a queer female writer. it was so so central to who i was, & what i was writing abt. every single thing i wrote in college was in some way a balm, some sort of piece abt myself, learning abt trauma & the body. sorting through a lot of hurt. i could write a theory piece abt elizabeth bishop & reading it back now i know it was also abt me, that kinda stuff.

when i went to toronto i rly rly started being invested in looking critically at gender & my experience of it bc being read as a woman was smth that was grating on me, even tho i had identified as woman for so long, & had no desire at all to transition. i know 100% i am not a trans man, so that was confusing for a long time because i sort of knew there was a space between but it was very hard to conceptualize. eventually i sort of came to understand gender is a color wheel where cis boys are blue & cis women are pink & then theres literally a ton of other colors out there, so yknow. lots of different experiences of gender. some days i feel much more strongly like i identify w women (in mostly political situations, it matters to me to be read as “female” sometimes bc rights for ppl w vaginas AND trans women are FUCKED UP in so many places). some days i hate the idea of identifying as a woman. i also never want to identify as a man. so when i was in toronto i rly started to know a LOT of queer ppl w so many different expressions of gender. & we were all young & lovely & open & fucked up & we would get fucked up but we would also go read together in the park & wander around alleys in the snow & like. there’s a Muchness to toronto that i experienced that helped me, personally, understand these intersections between my own sexuality & gender & expression as much more than just a gay woman who isn’t butch & isn’t femme. i was rly lucky to become part of a community that identified as Queer, & so i became v much understanding of these different aspects of my own identity that fell outside of binary—my sexuality, my gender. Queerness is a vital & profound thing to me & i was rly able (& so fortunate) to have a close friend group of mostly queer ppl & then a few of the actual literally most incredible allies i’ve ever known & will ever know. 

so then from there i just rly kinda thought abt things & like i got a binder & stuff in TO but rly started to evaluate my dysmorphia & dysphoria (i had struggled really badly w an eating disorder in/post college) & was able to sort out that so much of it had to do w feeling uncomfortable in the way my body was read in the world. & that will always happen bc i LOVE makeup & i have a “feminine” voice & sometimes i love skirts & i shave my legs bc i like how it feels sometimes & i dont ever want to go on T—none of these things make anyone ANY gender, but ofc theyre coded as “female.” but i’m learning to just yknow educate where i can & take a lot of solace in the community of ppl i have fostered who support & understand my Being. i’ve also allowed myself to be invested in aesthetics & fashion & how much a role that plays bc like. yah fuck Yah i look cool shit bc my friends love it & absolutely i wanna wear the same vans maia mitchell has & i want a melodrama hoodie & i LOVE local toronto designers & their angsty patches abt sad songs & whiskey but i love fashion born out of histories that is connected to smth i can understand, like queer punk movements, or smth my friends & i share, like blundstones (which are gender neutral, which is cool). i’m fascinated in how ppl express their Selves, & we are so unfortunately Finite in our bodies in the sense that that’s rly how the world, in our day to day interactions, processes who & what we are. so i invest in the care of mine by trying to listen to it, trying to make it comfortable—& clothing is a huge thing that can do that. also its fun so anyone who thinks loving (ethical, cool) fashion is vain can eat my ass

anyway lmao now i have a p decent sense, atm at least, of what makes my body its most comfortable (even if that is v far from Comfortable at times). i love my tattoos, & i basically never rly want long hair again i’m p sure, & i love makeup, & if i could wear vans or blundstones every day for the entirety of my life at this point that would be incredible. those are easy things, & i try to allow my body, in its cultural place, to have access to them as much as possible, which is so important to me in a sense of having access to a physical space that matches my mental space of gender identity. politically sometimes i feel v v much a “woman” in terms of my lived experience, & i allow that of myself as well. sometimes when i write it’s important to me that my poetry be read as a queer person but also someone who is culturally coded as a woman, bc those are still always central concerns of my work—the trauma, the power there. but day to day i’m mostly happy spending my time obsessing over other things, like what to call this new genre of music halsey & lorde are making, or why my dog stevie is a Fanatic when it comes to ice cubes. ive come to enough terms w my gender, & my sexuality—& the expression thereof—that unless someone is talking abt gender, or someone asks me a question, it’s not smth that is constantly on my mind, which is. Nice. its so nice lol. 

also i would like to point out that i know my experience being non binary is rly rly white & western in so many ways & i get that. my cultural experience of non binary gender is also v much this like. ive felt frustrated before but never in my life have i felt scared to be non-binary while i was like out & abt in the world, bc i still pass as a cis white woman literally everywhere all the time (which has its pros & cons but like, still, a lot of privilege). so i do try to keep all of that in mind as well when i try to center myself & all that jazz

& who tf knows where all of that will take me. i feel like, bc ive learned to listen to my body & my brain so much better than i did when i was younger—even when they might hate themselves—i am so much better at filling up a space in the world that occupies smth healthy. which is not smth i take lightly, & i’m also so open to changes, as long as they feel good & beneficial & true. which is sort of new for me. who knows man ur mid twenties are a wild ride