#its still a couple hours where im at but im not gonna post at midnight im not insane | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

monohart · 6 years ago

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green tea. (college!au)

ft. wong yukhei and post-midnight fluff.

i wrote this for a friend but she doesn’t know i wrote it for her and i didn’t know she actually isn’t stressed anymore but she secretly reads my stuff so i guess she’ll see it when she sees it hehe

you were on the verge of breaking down when you realised how many things you had to get done before next week.

and when your boyfriend yukhei called you that night, you gave one worded replies which made you depressed because you were actually looking forward to talking to him all day, but you just couldn’t get any words out

he noticed. but when he asked, you couldn’t even answer what was wrong because

because everything was wrong and there was nothing right

you hung up after a while to focus on your work, but yukhei

oh boy, yukhei..

he tried going to sleep early because dang he had a tiring day too

but he ended up tossing and turning for ages as he thought about how sad and tired you sounded..

and how you were probably be curled up in a small blanket cocoon, all alone in your small, cold room....

... probably sniffling and listening to hyukoh or dean to try and sooth your moment of depression....

and that did it.

he grabbed his keys and a hoodie and slipped out of the dorms

on the way he made a detour to the 24/7 hour cafe to grab something warm for you

he knew you liked to drink green tea late at night because it was soothing.

and he smiled proudly as he made his way to your place with the warm drink in his hands.

just imagining you sitting up from that blanket cocoon and watching him walk in with big doe eyes made him giddy

anyway though, on the other side of town...

you were actually wide awake

you were sitting at your brightly lit desk, pondering over a concept you had a lot of trouble understanding.

when yukhei arrived, he placed the tea on your desk and then made himself comfortable on your bed

you didn’t even notice smh

it took you a few minutes to acknowledge the elephant in your room.

yes, a literal baby elephant because he took up your entire bed smh

you turned away from your laptop to look at him.

he already tucked himself comfortably in your bed and was staring at you with a coy smile

your heart stopped right then and there im telling u

that lazy look in his eyes, his unruly hair that was sticking up in different directions.. the shy, innocent curve of his lips that formed just by gazing at your back

the urge to drop your work and pounce on him was real

but

you held yourself and picked up your pen again

and he let you be, because he was partly relieved that you weren’t completely shut down like how he thought you were, but he was also so damn proud??

like.. damn that’s my woman right there...

look at her working that sexy brain of hers.... damn.

while he watched you work, he took in small details

like how long your hair had gotten over the past few months

it was long enough for you to bunch it in a messy bun that sat on the top of your head

he still remembered the first time y’all met, your id photo was the one where you had bangs

literally your worst photo ever.

it was from years and years ago and somehow you haven’t changed it yet

but somehow he liked it and found your panicked smile in the photo absolutely adorable

then he started giggling at the thought of that picture

and it made you jump and lose your train of thought

“wong yukhei i don’t mean to be rude but it’s almost 2am what are you actually doing here?”

he answers your question but he does so while sitting up and running his large ass hands through his locks

you actually want to die

and then he shrugs nonchalantly and tells you that he’s here as your lucky charm

you sigh and looked away with that really deflated look in your eyes, and he immediately went

ohshitohshitohshitohshit

and push the blankets aside to move behind you

and because you were sitting on your desk chair, he had to bend over

in order drape his long arms around your shoulder

and rest his chin on your shoulder to peer at your work

he was warm and smelled fresh

like he just came out of the shower or something

it wasn’t like the usual cologne he’d wear when going out

which you also loved

but it was just that smell of him

anyway

“oh, you’re stuck on that?? i took that subject last year and i aced it. let me tutor you.”

you frown and turn your face to glare at him, with a whole list of rebuttals

but

holy shit

that boy

already had his head turned, waiting for you

and when you glared at him, he leant forward just a hair, to kiss you

and suddenly you felt like you drank 9 cups of caffeine in one go

he was so soft and warm and you didn’t want to let go

so you chewed lazily on his bottom lip as you held his cheek

and idk how long you did that for but it must’ve been quite a while because his back was sore

“uh.. babe.. can’u let go o’m’lip..”

“no.”

“but m’back’urts.”

“no.”

he wasn’t going down without a fight so he caught you off guard by picking you up with his strong arms

holy shit

and carrying you to the bed

all in one swift movement

and by then you were shrieking and attempting to kick him but

he d0dged the heCk

cause you kicked him once before during a ~fun~ soccer play-off and it hurt like hell

anyway

you finally gave up when your back hit the mattress and the whole bed went nYOOM at the sudden weight of both you and your boyfriend

who btw

was shrieking now

actually he was just laughing but boy can’t keep his voice down

and you scold him because its late and you didn’t want to wake the whole house

“also, how the hell did you get in, the front door was locked?”

he grins his hecking cheesy grin that you hate but love so much

so you turned your body to face him

and closed your eyes and puckered your lips

boy caught on immediately

good job, yukhei

so he leant in while placing his warm hands on your waist

and you waited to feel his soft lips on yours

but

uh..

you opened your eyes a hair to peek at what on earth was taking him so long

and you find him staring at you with his gummy smile

and you frown but he just blinks a couple times and continues to stare

“is something on my face??”

he nods wordlessly but really just continues to study every curvature and every little detail on your face.

“where??”

you move your hands to your cheeks and nose and forehead and eyelids and feels around for anything that isn’t supposed to be there

“yukhei... what is it, take it off for me..”

he lets out a small chuckle at your whines and then he

dramatically

clears his throat

“i would love to but i can’t.”

you were about to snap back a reply but he pressed a finger to your lips before continuing

“have you heard of this thing called beauty? yeah, cause that’s all over your face right now and it’s actually been there for a really long time but i just haven’t to-”

when you throw your arms around him and attack him with kisses, he almost tumbles off your small bed

but he wanted to keep his cool yanno

he wasn’t gonna accidentally fall off a bed.. especially not after that applause worthy speech

but you could instantly tell he lost his balance for a quick sec because he let out a quiet gasp against your skin and

and then you were laughing

and he started laughing too

he was laughing because heck yes!!! he missed that smile of yours

you didn’t know but he had been waiting all day to see you smile

and it was just so satisfying

like a breath of fresh air

y’all lay there like that for quite a moment.. to catch your breath i guess

and the prospect of studying crawled back into his mind.. obviously..

and into yours too

but he didn’t want to ask you about it just yet

because you needed a break.. just to lift your head above all the stress

forget about the complex concepts for just a second

and appreciate the little things around you

which he was able to make you do and damn he was a proud lil boy..

so proud of himself.

but

all of a sudden you sat up

and he sat up too

cautiously

(because he was literally on the edge of your small bed)

“holy shit is that...”

you recognised the scent way too well

it was the familiar smell of all-nighters

the familiar smell that calmed your senses and

that little feeling you get when you realise you’re doing well with your work and that you’ve come further than you have since the beginning of the night.

it was sitting there.

it was sitting peacefully on your desk, still warm and untouched.

“wong yukhei, i love you.”

he followed your gaze and laughed.

yeah, green tea.

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twerkhammett · 7 years ago

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1-154

Holy fuck, good thing I have a long train ride😂1. Full nameAngelica DeLillo2. Age213. 3 fearsFailure, getting snatched up one of these nights im on the train alone, losing the people i care about4. 3 things I loveNik, food, and our cat5. 4 turn onsBiting, slapping (ass face and tits), being tied up or held down, and when he gets that mean look on his face and i know hes gonna be really rough with me ugh6. 4 turn offsI have had these experiences with almost every person I've been with except Nik..bad hygiene, being rushed (you cum yet?), bad oral and when i tell them what would feel good they dont listen..and worst of all sex that feels half assed. They just want to cum real quick, theres no passion or effort, they don't care if they please you at all. Fucking horrible..7. My best friendIn cali my best friend here besides Nik is Ashley, and I get to live with them both its awesome! In Florida I cant choose one cuz ive known them all forever and love those dudes..Mels, Denzel, Brauston, and Alicia8. Sexual orientationBisexual9. My best first dateWith Nikolas obviously 😉10. How tall i am5'611. What do I missMy friends and family back home12: What time were I born3:55pm13: Favourite colorGreen14: Do I have a crushOn my boyfriend😂15: Favourite quoteIdk man16: Favourite placeHard to choose one, maybe my bed😂17: Favourite foodI hate favorites..pizza and wings18: Do I use sarcasmNever :)19: What am I listening to right nowSlayer 20: First thing I notice in new personIf they're fuckin rude or not21: Shoe size822: Eye colorBrown23: Hair colorLight brownish? Auburn?24: Favourite style of clothingBlack25: Ever done a prank call?Yup27: Meaning behind my URLKirk twerkin28: Favourite movieKung Fury29: Favourite songCant choose30: Favourite bandStill cant choose my dude31: How I feel right nowMeh32: Someone I loveNik33: My current relationship statusIn love af its disgusting34: My relationship with my parentsPretty good these days35: Favourite holidayHalloween36: Tattoos and piercing i haveNips, lips, and ears37: Tattoos and piercing i wantA lot, whenever i get the money..38: The reason I joined TumblrMels made me join lol39: Do I and my last ex hate each other?I don't think he hates me, but i hate his bitch ass..40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts?I used to get them from Nik but we live together so now he can just tell me lol41: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted?This morning42: When did I last hold hands?Yesterday43: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning?15mins, its caffeinating myself that can take time44: Have You shaved your legs in the past three days?Noooope45: Where am I right now?On BART46: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me?Nik, been a while since thats happened tho47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level?Loud48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad?Nope49: Am I excited for anything?For class to be over so i can relax lol...haven't even got there yet50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to?Nik, Denzel, Brauston51: How often do I wear a fake smile?At work lmao52: When was the last time I hugged someone?Does my cat count? An hour ago lol53: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me?This would never happen, but I would go to jail if it did lol54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not?Not that i know of?55: What is something I disliked about today?Nik had to work early and I've been sexually frustrated af56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?James57: What do I think about most?Nik and food are tied i think58: What’s my strangest talent?Idk59: Do I have any strange phobias?Eh not really60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?Behind61: What was the last lie I told?Not sure, probably at work lol62: Do I perfer talking on the phone or video chatting online?On the phone63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens?Aliens yeah64: Do I believe in magic?Nah65: Do I believe in luck?Not really66: What’s the weather like right now?64 and clear skys67: What was the last book I’ve read?Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas68: Do I like the smell of gasoline?Yesss69: Do I have any nicknames?Besides the ones Nik has for me no70: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had?Cut my knee open71: Do I spend money or save it?That shits gone pretty fast dont get to spend it on anything fun tho haha72: Can I touch my nose with a tounge?Nah73: Is there anything pink in 10 feets from me?My backpack has some pink on it74: Favourite animal?My cat😂75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM?Fucking76: What do I think is Satan’s last name is?Trump77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it?Nightcrawler78: How can you win my heart?Be Nikolas or James Hetfield79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone?Nothing80: What is my favorite word?Fuck81: My top 5 blogs on tumblrIdk man i like a lot of yall82: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say?Someone please assasinate the orange one83: Do I have any relatives in jail?Not that i know of84: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power?Invisibility or time travel85: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on?Not sure86: What is my current desktop picture?Some nature pic bc i havent change it87: Had sex?On a daily basis my dude88: Bought condoms?Yes89: Gotten pregnant?No90: Failed a class?Yup91: Kissed a boy?Yup92: Kissed a girl?Yep93: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain?Yes, Nik94: Had job?Sadly95: Left the house without my wallet?Fucking yes!!!96: Bullied someone on the internet?No lol97: Had sex in public?A few days ago lmao98: Played on a sports team?Yep99: Smoked weed?This is where my extra money goes..sigh100: Did drugs?Nothing crazy but yeah101: Smoked cigarettes?Yes102: Drank alcohol?Yeah103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan?Noo104: Been overweight?Nope105: Been underweight?Nope106: Been to a wedding?Yep107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight?Yes lol108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight?Yeah109: Been outside my home country?Not yet, but I plan on it110: Gotten my heart broken?Yeah couple years ago111: Been to a professional sports game?Yep112: Broken a bone?My finger lol113: Cut myself?A while ago114: Been to prom?Nope115: Been in airplane?Yes116: Fly by helicopter?No but I want to!!117: What concerts have I been to?Megadeth, Metallica, Exodus, Testament, Carcass, Slayer, Midnight, Kreator, Obituary, Children of Bodom, Rammstein, and a few more but those were the best ones118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex?Quite a few times119: Learned another language?Some German and some ASL120: Wore make up?I wear mascara121: Lost my virginity before I was 18?Yeah122: Had oral sex?Yupppppp123: Dyed my hair?Yes124: Voted in a presidential election?Yep!125: Rode in an ambulance?Nope126: Had a surgery?No127: Met someone famous?Nope128: Stalked someone on a social network?A while ago hahah129: Peed outside?Yep130: Been fishing?Yes131: Helped with charity?I donate to greenpeace monthly132: Been rejected by a crush?Sorta133: Broken a mirror?Im sure I have, I def had a big ass mirror fall on my fuckin head one time tho!134: What do I want for birthday?Some dick😂135: How many kids do I want and what will be their names?2 max, no idea about names, havent thought about it much136: Was I named after anyone?No137: Do I like my handwriting?Its a bit sloppy but yeah138: What was my favourite toy as a child?Barbies lol139: Favourite Tv Show?DBZ😂140: Where do I want to live when older?The forest, somewhere in Colorado maybe141: Play any musical instrument?Not well lol142: One of my scars, how did I get it?Accidentally stabbed myself at work143: Favourite pizza toping?Mushrooms144: Am I afraid of the dark?No, I need it to sleep145: Am I afraid of heights?A bit146: Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad?Yes lmao, many times by my dad usually147: Have I ever tried my hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end?Did you mean my last relationship😂😂148: What I’m really bad atProcrastination149: What my greatest achievments areGetting the fuck out of fl, some of my artwork, learning to cope with my depression150: The meanest thing somebody has ever said to meProb something my ex said lol151: What I’d do if I won in a lotteryQuit my job, build a house, and open a cave bar (me and Ashley were just talkin about that)152: What do I like about myselfWell i guess i never stop trying even tho i fuck up a lot hahah153: My closest Tumblr friend@stalkhome-sindrone probably😁154: Something I fantasise aboutA stable income...Thanks for that big ass ask my anonymous dude!!😂To the rest of my followers, sorry for the long post and some of the tmi questions😊

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magic-magpie · 7 years ago

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Say You Love Me

Hey, so I wrote a lil’ UsUk oneshot. ^^ You can find it (and my other fanfics) on my Fanfiction account - AA Addict. Although, I did make that account when I was eleven meaning that most of its content is actual trash. I did a review of my first ever fanfic... I might post it here. I’m good at cringe reviews, but only when the cringe is my own cringe.

It’s 4,304 words, just to let ya know.

“Hey, Artie?”

“Hm?”

“I love you.”

“Likewise.”

“...Aren’t you ever gonna say it back?”

Arthur slumped down into his chair, head in hands. Alfred F. Jones, his American boyfriend, had just stormed out of the apartment after an argument, leaving it feeling rather large, empty, and quiet.

It was an argument over the stupidest of things. Honestly, who cared if Arthur had never uttered the words ‘I love you’?

Alfred did, apparently. And to an extent, so did Arthur.

The first time Alfred had declared his love was five months ago, after four months of dating. They had just come back from dinner at a swish restaurant, and after a round of sweet sex Alfred had blurted it out – ‘I think I love you’. He’d blushed, laid his head on Arthur’s chest so that they weren’t maintaining eye contact, then said in a bit of a whisper, ‘Actually, I definitely love you’. Arthur remembered feeling like he was higher than Cloud Nine, a giddy sensation arising within him and his heart pounding a million beats per minute. He didn’t like to admit it, but he was fairly certain he had abandonment issues (probably due to his past relationships), and hearing Alfred proclaim his love had given him full assurance that Alfred was the one.

At that point, Arthur definitely loved Alfred too. He was happiest when with him, not to mention he felt safe and secure, even when they were doing completely wild activities such as skydiving and bungee-jumping. However, he just couldn’t say it. The words got stuck in his throat every time he tried to say them, he choked on them, his lips refused to allow them to form. He wanted so badly to say it, but failed whenever he tried. And so he only said words akin to ‘likewise’ in response to Alfred’s frequent declarations of love. He felt terrible whenever he did so, for Alfred’s sunny disposition would always become slightly clouded, but what could he do? Alfred had seemed to understand, until now.

“Why do I need to say it back? I’m sure you understand what I mean perfectly.”

“I DO, but it’d still be nice to hear you say it.”

“It’d be nice to hear me say a lot of things, but I won’t say them, will I?”

“Come on! What’s so bad about saying ‘I love you’?!”

“Nothing’s BAD about saying it, I just don’t want to!”

“...You don’t want to?”

“Exactly. Now, if you don’t mind, I’d like to finish this embroidery.”

“Say it.”

“For God’s sake Alfred!”

“Say it!”

“No, alright?”

“Just say it, PLEASE! It’s not HARD!”

“It is bloody well hard, I’ll have you know!”

“It’s not hard to say the truth, Arthur! Unless it’s-”

“You know perfectly well that it’s the truth, Alfred, so don’t even go there.”

“Then SAY IT!”

“Life’s not Hollywood, Alfred! We don’t need to give extravagant declarations of love in order to show that it’s there!”

“Come on, just SAY it! For me, then! Say it for the Hollywood sap who’s stuck by you!”

“You don’t get to order me to say anything, git. I don’t want to say it, so get that through your thick skull.”

“...Fine. Later, loser.”

“WHERE are you going?”

“Takin’ a walk. Love ya. Even if you don’t return the feeling.”

Arthur would never forget that expression Alfred had. Disappointment, sadness, anger, all in one. Tears had welled up in his blue eyes.

The first time either of them had made the other cry.

He willed himself not to burst into tears, but it was hard. They’d argued before, but never to the extent that either of them had walked out. The last time he’d had a partner walk out on him, they’d split up the next day. The time before that, his partner had cheated on him. And the first time it happened, he’d never seen the man again. He’d never loved any of them the way he loved Alfred, but it had still hurt.

A wave of panic crashed down on him. What if Alfred did the same?

No, Alfred couldn’t possibly leave him. He’d said ‘I love you’, for crying out loud! And even when walking out he’d reiterated it! There was no way Alfred would break up with him.

Right?

Horrible, terrible images flashed through his mind; Alfred chatting up some bloke at the pub, taking him to a sleazy motel, hands that caressed Arthur’s body tugging at the other man’s belt instead; Alfred deleting all the sneaky pictures he’d taken of Arthur and sending him a break-up text; Alfred never contacting him again; the worst image, however, had to be that awful, ghastly one where Alfred, in his anger and despair, ran out onto the road without looking both left and right and was thrown into the air like a rag doll by a speeding car, dead before he hit the ground.

And that was the image that wouldn’t leave his mind.

Taken over by an overwhelming sense of fear, he reached for his phone and brought up Alfred’s number.

-Alfred?

-Are you there?

He waited with bated breath, his heart in his mouth. Deep down he knew it was stupid to be worrying like this, but there was a minute chance of his imagination becoming reality.

“Come on, reply...” he willed. Arthur didn’t have an iPhone, meaning that he didn’t know whether Alfred was typing or not, so he just hoped against hope that Alfred was either typing, or hadn’t checked his phone.

Suddenly, his notification tone rang out and the screen lit up, informing him that Alfred had responded. Relief washed all over him. Alfred was safe. He opened the text.

-Yeah

His heart sank a little. None of those blasted emoticons or developed replies characteristic of Alfred.

-Good. Don’t die.

Alfred’s response came a couple of seconds later, like he was eagerly awaiting each text too.

-Er what

-You heard me. Don’t bloody die.

-Hella random much

-Out of context, more like.

-Can i get context

-Wait im suppoed t b mad at u

-Its hard

-How dya doit

Arthur was trying to respond with ‘Look, I’m sorry, come back home and we’ll make up, how about that? I’ll take you to McDonalds too, if you want.’, but his insistence at texting with brilliant spelling, grammar, and diction meant Alfred could get his texts in much quicker.

-Ok imma stop txtinf now

-Off to b mad

-Love ya bye

Arthur quickly pressed send, hoping that Alfred wouldn’t be able to resist texting him back, but it was no use. Five minutes passed, then ten, then fifteen, and before he knew it he’d been staring at the screen for half an hour.

He wasn’t texting back.

Slumping back down into his chair, he was mildly surprised to find that his cheeks were wet with tears. Fuck, that’s not supposed to happen. He furiously wiped them away then glared at his phone. Just who the hell did Alfred think he was, reducing him to blasted tears?

But I made him cry first. Isn’t payback grand?

God, Arthur’s anger wasn’t even justified. It was confusing, sitting there seething and upset when he had no cause to be. He was the one who refused to tell Alfred that he loved him. Alfred made sure that he said the three words at least once each day, usually accompanied by a sweet, chaste kiss. He had every right to be irritated with Arthur, even if Arthur hated it. Stupid Hollywood sap.

“That’s it!” Arthur cried out loud, struck by an insane yet brilliant idea. If he wants a Hollywood declaration, he’ll get a Hollywood declaration! The idea was cheesy, over-the-top, and stupid, just how Alfred liked it.

He jumped out of his chair, strode out of the living room, snatched his keys up, exited his apartment and slammed the door shut a little too hard, got the lift down, marched through the doors, unlocked his sleek black car, and drove. It was late (the time had just gone nine), but he figured Tesco would be open – if the superstore upheld its Open 24/7 policy, that is. He was also incredibly lucky that Valentines Day had been a week ago; there would’ve been no chance of finding these decorations had it been any other time of the year.

Arthur looked around the room, satisfied. Helium heart balloons were dotted around his living room, all bearing some variation of the three words Arthur had such trouble saying. He’d pinned up banners reading ‘I love you’ over the sofa and television, and had sprinkled pink confetti hearts everywhere (some had got stuck in his hair, much to his chagrin). On the dinner table he’d put a candelabra with new red candles, and laid out the table in a manner fit for the Queen.

It made him cringe, but so did Hollywood.

The oven pinged, and Arthur checked out his lamb roast. He frowned; the instructions had said to roast it for an hour after lowering the temperature, but it looked far too raw – he wouldn’t be surprised if it started bleating right there. Furthermore, the potatoes looked undercooked. Honestly, he thought, shoving the cookbook back into his cupboard irritably, who on Earth allowed this travesty to be published?

Letting it cook for a while longer, Arthur went back into the living room and collapsed on the sofa, exhausted. Decorating was no small feat, and it turned out that Tesco hadn’t had any Valentines Day decorations, meaning that he’d had to go drive to every other store until he finally found some. Cooking also took effort, although he didn’t dislike it. No, the most exhausting thing of that night was being distressed. The number of times he’d checked his phone in the vain hope that Alfred had tried to contact him was innumerable, and each time had left him a little bit sadder.

Arthur checked the clock – it was midnight. And Alfred still wasn’t back.

Suppressing the rising paranoia, he busied himself by going over what he’d say to Alfred. First came the apology, of course. Then came the explanation for why he had so much trouble saying the words. And then, finally, he’d say it.

Simple. Theoretically.

Time ticked on, and there was still no sign of Alfred. All he could do was hope that Alfred was planning on coming home and remaining his boyfriend.

He switched the television on and searched through the channels whilst he waited. He flicked past hospital dramas, crime shows, teleshopping, bad films, all of which Arthur abhorred. Not bothered enough to put a film in himself, he just kept it on a Hollywood romance. If he remembered correctly, Alfred and himself had seen it before. They’d been huddled on the sofa sharing a blanket and popcorn, Alfred resting his head on Arthur’s shoulder and periodically lifting it to give Arthur an affronted look as Arthur delivered his scathing commentary on the vapid film. And now, as he watched the movie by himself, it was just as dull and uninteresting.

So dull, in fact, that he could feel his eyes closing. No, stay awake, idiot. He tried to force his eyes open, but they kept battling against him until he finally surrendered to the call of slumber.

Alfred had better be here when I wake up.

“Artie?”

Something was shaking him.

“Artie, I’m back.”

This something sounded nice, if irritating. He tried to push it away, but he was too sleepy to put any sort of effort into it.

“I brought McDonalds, if you haven’t eaten.”

The thing shaking him sounded familiar. The accent, there was something about the accent. It didn’t sound English. More like...

“...Alfred?”

“Yep, it’s me.” Alfred chuckled. His eyes were shut and he was groggy, but he sensed Alfred was close.

Wait.

Alfred was back.

All exhaustion forgotten, he shot up so he was standing and pulled Alfred into a crushing hug, arms wrapped tightly around his body. Relief flooded through his veins as Alfred reciprocated, lacking none of the usual warmth.

“Thank God,” Arthur breathed. He then kissed him hard, keeping their bodies pressed together and swaying on the spot. Alfred tasted of salt and ketchup, weirdly enough, but Arthur didn’t care and just kept kissing him, loving the feel of Alfred’s lips on his, loving how they moved against his in such a way that turned him to jelly, loving how Alfred kissed him with such devotion and love – loving Alfred.

“Hah,” Alfred said once they broke apart for air, “Missed me?”

“No shit, Sherlock,” Arthur replied snippily. Now that the relief and joy of Alfred’s return had sunk in, he was left with the anger of Alfred’s departure. “You can’t just walk out on me!”

“I brought McDonalds back, so it doesn’t matter, eh?” Alfred said, grinning nervously. “Though it does smell like you’ve cooked dinner...”

Arthur blanched. “Shit, the dinner.”

He took out the charred lamb roast whilst Alfred wafted away the smoke, and set the burnt dinner down onto the countertop. Alfred gave a low whistle.

“How long did ya leave that in?”

“What time is it?”

“Half two.”

“Three hours! I knew I shouldn’t have slept,” Arthur said bitterly.

“Hey, cheer up, it’s just as burnt as all your other stuff!” Alfred teased, grinning when Arthur shoved him.

“Shut up, I’m still mad at you.”

“Yeah, about that – how do you even do the angry thing? I tried, and all that ended up happening was me hiding out in McDonalds crying my eyes out wanting to come back. I got free food though, so that’s something. I guess I was angry at you, but not in the way that you do it... You get angry,” Alfred said, laughing slightly.

“You were crying?” Arthur said, stricken.

“Crap. Er, maybe?” Alfred answered sheepishly.

“Because of me.”

“I guess...” Alfred sounded rather reluctant to admit it. Arthur sighed. What was he doing, being angry at Alfred?

“Sorry,” Arthur murmured, brushing a strand of hair out of Alfred’s face. “I’m not a very decent person, am I?”

“No, you are,” Alfred said immediately. Arthur smiled.

“Rhetoric, Alfred. Anyway, you shouldn’t be trying to make me feel better – I should be working to make you okay.”

“Is that what all those decorations were about?”

“Um,” Arthur said, scratching the back of his head awkwardly, “Yeah. Cringey Hollywood crap and all.”

“Wait, what? Hollywood?” Alfred looked rather confused.

“Yeah, Hollywood. I thought I’d do something Hollywood-style for you, but the dinner screwed up and I slept, so I’ve forgotten my speech,” Arthur said. “Apologies.”

“Your... Speech?”

“I prepared a speech for when you came home. One with explanations and apologies and all that.”

“Dude,” Alfred said, shaking his head emphatically, “I don’t want a speech. All I want is for you to say you love me, honestly and easily and stuff.”

Alfred was looking at him with those big blue eyes Arthur adored so much - to this day he couldn’t pinpoint what one shade of blue they were. He’d fallen for Alfred a year ago, and ever since then he’d had a fascination with shades of blue. Ever since then, Alfred’s eyes had held all the stars of the universe – the most beautiful, wondrous eyes he’d ever seen. His past boyfriends’ eyes paled in comparison. Arthur had since grown to love every single part of Alfred, both physical and emotional. The way Alfred’s hair caught the sunlight, how Alfred would always try to cheer him up if he was feeling down, Alfred’s intoxicating, infectious laugh... He’d fallen in love with it all.

Just TELL him so!

“Alright,” Arthur said, and took a deep breath. “I’ll tell you.”

Alfred F. Jones, the best boyfriend he’d ever had by far, was looking at him expectantly, a little encouraging smile on his face. Arthur fiddled with the hem of his sleeve, and forced himself to maintain eye contact. It’d be easier to turn away and mutter it, but after everything that had happened, saying it to Alfred’s face was best.

“I,” he swallowed, suddenly feeling very hot and slightly uncomfortable. Come on, spit it out! “Alfred, I – I lo –“ Deep breath.

“I love you.”

He barely had time to see Alfred’s mouth stretch into a huge smile before he was being kissed like he’d never been kissed before. Fuelled by euphoria, Alfred and Arthur were kissing each other hard, Arthur’s hands fisted in Alfred’s hair and Alfred’s arms pulled Arthur close until their bodies were flush against one another. He felt a wonderful dizzying sensation when Alfred parted his lips, eagerly parting his own. Their mouths moved together and tongues worked perfectly to make the other weak at the knees, serving another reminder as to how perfect they were for one another. As they kissed, three words were repeating over and over in his mind – I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you.

After too short a time they were forced to break apart to breathe, but they stayed in the close embrace, Arthur now resting his head on Alfred’s shoulder and Alfred resting his on Arthur’s head. He still felt a little giddy, and... Oddly liberated? Like he’d been pulled out of the crushing depths of the ocean and could breathe freely again.

“See, it wasn’t difficult!” Alfred said happily.

“No, I suppose not... It felt nice, actually,” Arthur said. “I had so much trouble with it because... Well, I haven’t said it before.”

“Seriously?” He sounded surprised, for some reason. Arthur nodded.

“Well, yes. I can’t even remember a time I said it before today, platonically or otherwise.”

“But you’ve had loads of boyfriends before me!”

“Three hardly counts as loads, Alfred. Besides, I – I never loved them like I love you. They were fun for a while, but... I suppose they were right to leave me. I don’t think they were as right for me as you are. Plus,” he smiled a little, “Their departure meant your arrival. And I’d much rather have you, dear.”

“You have no idea how happy I am right now, dude,” Alfred said, and gently prised Arthur off him. “Like, seriously. Just wait here, alright? Or, er...” He looked around at the messy kitchen, “Go into the living room, actually.”

Puzzled, Arthur asked, “What are you doing?”

Alfred was already hurrying out of the kitchen and up the stairs, but he excitedly yelled, “Something I’ve been waiting for this day to do!”

Thoroughly confused, Arthur made his way into the living room where all the sickening heart decorations were. Honestly, he thought, all this fuss and drama over three little simple words. He remembered the way Alfred’s face lit up when he said I love you. His smile grew wider and his eyes sparkled like they contained all the stars of the galaxies.

Alfred burst into the room with a huge grin on his face and his arms behind his back.

“What’re you hiding?”

“You’ll find out in a bit.” Alfred winked. He shoved whatever was in his hands into his pocket and stepped closer to Arthur, put his hands on either side of his waist, thumbs gently stroking him.

“I’ve, er, kinda been waiting for you to say that. Since, like, three months ago. I didn’t pressure you into saying it, did I?” he said, expression oddly solemn. Arthur shook his head firmly.

“Alfred, do you honestly think I’d do something I didn’t want to just because you went out in a huff? I always wanted to say it, I just... Needed a little push, I guess,” Arthur assured. Alfred gave a little relieved smile.

“Cool. ‘Cause, y’know. I love you and I want to be with you for the rest of my life, and then in the afterlife too. We can ghost-kiss and haunt all those homophobes and stuff and just be that super-awesome couple that everyone’s jelly over and, y’know, cool stuff like that.”

“Why do you sound so nervous?” Arthur chuckled.

“You want that too, right?”

“Of course, love. I love you. And, for the record, I have a sneaky suspicion that one of my co-workers is envious of our relationship.”

“Cool.” Alfred closed his eyes and took a deep breath, as if readying himself for something. Arthur’s eyes widened and he held his breath as Alfred got down onto one knee and took out a small blue velvet box.

“Are you-“

He opened the box to reveal a beautiful silver ring with a sparkling gemstone in its centre – the exact colour of Alfred’s eyes, he noted. Arthur stared at the ring, then at Alfred, not quite believing what he was seeing.

“Remember when we went to that big fancy mall three months ago – I went off to buy something and you bought your new headphones? Well, I bought this. I was – I was waiting for the day you’d say ‘I love you’ to propose, ‘cause I wanted to make sure you loved me back, and, well,” he gave a little nervous laugh, “You do.”

Arthur was still speechless, so Alfred continued.

“I – I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Being with you, it’s just... I’m the happiest when I’m with you. I know we haven’t been dating for as long as other couples, and I totally understand if you say no, but I think we’re both confident enough that no one’s better for us than the other. I could list the reasons we’re the best couple, but I’d be here a long time so I won’t. But I will say that you’re my favourite person, and I know you feel the same about me. So, I guess I should say the actual words.

“Arthur, will you marry me?”

Arthur was still in shock-mode. Was this happening? It had to be a dream, but there was no way it could be a dream, it was all too wonderfully real, too splendidly vivid. Alfred was actually proposing to him! Alfred actually wanted to spend his entire life with him!

“Those tears are happy tears, right?” Alfred said.

Alfred you fucking perfect idiot.

“Of course I bloody will!” Arthur cried, bending down himself to tackle Alfred into a gleeful hug. Alfred returned it with equal fervour and soon the two were on the floor, hugging and laughing for all they were worth. Arthur kissed him and knew that nobody else’s lips were suited to him, nobody else could hold him like Alfred did, nobody else could make him feel like life was perfect.

“Let’s put the ring on ya, then!” Alfred said, sitting up and picking up the small box. He took out the ring and slipped it onto Arthur’s finger. Arthur held it out so that it sparkled in the light, loving the way it looked incredibly like Alfred’s eyes (only Alfred’s were prettier).

“It’s beautiful.”

“The jewel’s that paraíba tourmaline you told me about once, d’ya remember? You said it looked exactly like my eyes.”

Arthur blinked and peered at the stone. “Oh, so it is!”

“I thought I’d give you one that looked like my eyes, and I got one for myself that looked like yours. So, y’know, it’s all that romantic ‘we’ve always got a little part of the other with us’ stuff.”

“Where’s yours?” Arthur wanted Alfred to wear his.

“Oh, it’s, ah, gimme a second...” he foraged around in his pocket and extracted another box – green velvet this time.

“Here, let me put it on you,” Arthur said eagerly. He took the box and opened it to see a silver band similar to his own, but with a shiny, smooth jade in the centre. Arthur’s breath hitched.

“Do – do you truly think my eyes look this splendid?”

Alfred planted a chaste kiss on his lips and rested his forehead against Arthur’s, looking directly into his eyes. “Well, I actually think your eyes are better, but this was the prettiest green gem I could find,” he said softly.

“Honestly,” he scoffed, trying to hide the fact that he felt all mushy and warm and fluttery inside. Hands shaking slightly, he took the delicate ring out of the box, held Alfred’s hand in his own and slipped the ring onto his finger.

“Beautiful,” Arthur murmured. He put his own ringed hand next to Alfred’s, admiring them.

Engaged.

They were engaged.

Arthur looked up excitedly. “We’re going to get married!”

“I know, right?!” Alfred squealed back. “We’ll have to start handing out invites!“

“And choosing a cake!”

“And getting tuxes!”

“And finding a venue!”

“And planning the decorations!”

“Oh, decorations! We have to have a chandelier!”

“And a chocolate fountain!”

“What about an actual bloody huge fountain!”

“Ohmigod yes, and don’t forget streamers!”

“Confetti!”

“Banners!”

“Orchestra!”

“Lava!”

Arthur spluttered. “Lava?!”

“I got really excited and said the first word that came to my head, don’t blame me!” Alfred laughed.

“No but, making the floor lava would be rather hilarious, don’t you think? And who else would be able to say that they got married on actual molten lava?” Arthur said, grinning.

“If you’re suggesting that we get married in a volcano, then I am one-hundred-and-forty-seven percent behind you.”

“Well, that’s the venue sorted, then.”

They looked at each other, and all of a sudden they were laughing until their sides hurt, laughing in the way that no one else could make them laugh. Alfred’s obnoxious laugh was loud, raucous, and infectious – just the way Arthur liked it.

When they finally stopped laughing, Alfred leant against Arthur and gave a small, content sigh. Arthur responded by putting his arm around him and stroking his hair softly. He still couldn’t believe his luck. He, Arthur Kirkland, was engaged to Alfred Foster Jones.

“Hey, Alfred?”

“Yeah?”

“I love you.”

“I love you too, Artie.”

#UsUk #Aph England #Aph America #Fluff #Fanfic #my fanfiction #Oneshot #Cute #what else do i tag

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youngkaes · 7 years ago

Text

i was tagged by one of my most fave people, @kangyungbrian, thank you ashleyy ❤💕

The last….

- Drink: i think pepsi?

- Phone call: my brother

- Text Message: my fran

- Song you listened to: currently listening to day6′s man in a movie

- Time you cried: earlier today

Have you ever….

- Dated someone twice: ye

- Kissed someone and regretted it: ye

- Been cheated on: ye

- Lost someone special: yes

- Been depressed: yes

- Gotten drunk and thrown up: no? one time i threw up a few hours later after having maybe two drinks on an empty stomach, so i think i just had an upset stomach

Three favorite colors…

seafoam green, “millennial” pink, black

In the last year have you….

- Made new friends: yes! ive made a few online and irl

- Laughed until you cried: ye

- Found out that someone was talking about you: no, thankfully

- Met someone who changed you: ye. wish i never met them :)

- Found out who your friends are: i dont know?

- Kissed someone on your facebook list: i dont have facebook

- Do you have any pets: my mom and i take care of my brothers dog

- Do you want to change your name: not my first name, but i do want to change my last name to have it be the same as my moms

- What did you do for your last birthday: i went to chicago with a couple of friends, but it wasnt for my bday, it was just coincidence. i actually hate my bday

- What time did you wake up: 10am, then i went back to sleep till almost 2pm. i work an overnight shift tonight at work, so i tried staying up all night so i dont fall asleep halfway during my shift.

- What were doing last night at midnight: watching how to get away with murder on netflix

- Name something you can’t wait for: finishing paying off my hospital bills

- When was the last time you saw your mom: she popped her head into my room a couple hours ago offering me food

- What are you listening to rn: still listening to day6, the song playing rn is Out of My Mind

- Have you ever talked to someone named Tom: no, but i did occasionally speak to this guy in high school named Tam, pronounced “t-AH-m” he insisted it was diff from the pronunciation of Tom

- Something that gets on your nerves: when im at work and customers waste my time to get a shirt thats high up on the wall...and the tall stick hook thing to get those items is literally right fucking there...”oh but you can probably get it easier than me” bitch, you got broken arms or....???

- Most visited website: tumblr or youtube

- Hair color: its black but ive dyed it a dark brown/auburn is color. im gonna be dying it soon again

- Long or short hair: long, im trying to grow my hair out as long as possible rn

- Do you have a crush on someone: not really? idk

- What do you like about yourself: i use my turn signal unlike some heathens

- Blood type: idk man, at this point my blood is probably only red bc of all the hot cheetos i consume

- Nickname: rena :)

- Relationship status: single, as long as this tool stops texting me

- Zodiac: technically aries/taurus cusp but taurus is def more closer to my personality so taurus

- Pronouns: she\her

- Favorite T.V. Shows: how to get away with murder, shameless, and supernatural

- Tattoos: none, but i want some

- Right or Left-handed: right

- Surgery: none

- Sport: haha what that

- Vacation: i wanna go to italy, or london

- Pair of shoes: my fave pair atm are my pink vans

- Eating: nothing but after i post this im gonna eat an orange

- Drinking: nothing

- I’m about to: watch youtube vids

- Waiting for: 10:30pm so i can leave the house and go to work

- Want: a new pillow and mattress, ive been having back and neck problems lately

- Get married: i dont think anyone will ever want to marry me??? idk if i even want to marry yet??

- Career: idk yet, something where i dont hate waking up everyday that’s for sure

Which is better?

- Hugs or kisses: hugs

- Lips or eyes: eyes

- Shorter or taller: i dont really have a preference

- Older or younger: for dating i usually got for older, but in general idc

- Nice arms or stomach: how about just a nice personality and bank account

- Hook up or relationship: relationship

- Troublemaker or hesitant: i guess, hesitant?? not quite sure what this is asking

Have you…

- Kissed a stranger: no

- Drunken hard liquor: nope

- Lost glasses/contact lenses: i havent worn contacts in a couple years but oh my god i hate when you dROP IT AND YOU CANT FIND IT ANYWHERE so you get another contact out but after you already put it in is when you find the one you dropped kagfidhkjahsp

ive never really lost my glasses tho, so thats good

- Turned someone down: ye

- Sex on the first date: no

- Broken someone’s heart: i mean, yeah? idk, thats such a weird question since it should be the other party telling, i cant tell you for sure i broke someone’s heart, i dont feel what they’re feeling???

- Had a broken heart: yes

- Been arrested: no

- Cried when someone died: yes

- Fallen for a friend: yes

Do you believe in…

- Yourself: nah

- Miracles: no

- Love at first sight: no

- Santa Claus: nope

- Kiss on the first date: if both people want to then that’s their choice, idc

i just tag my mutuals :)

#tagged #mine

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gnostalgist · 8 years ago

Text

🌻rules: once you have been tagged, you are supposed to write 92 truths about yourself. At the end, choose 25 people to tag.

I was tagged by @fixationpsychosis ! (thank u!)

🌻LAST…

 [1] drink: zero ultra monster energy fsdjlfkjds (its the only Good(TM) monster so i had to specify)

 [2] phone call: my grandma probably. if skype calls count, then dirk. 

[3] text message: my grandma...

 [4] song you listened to: ok it was the schuyler sisters from hamilton but it was bc i was doign a colorguard routine to it which probably doesnt help but

[5] time you cried: idk... a couple days ago

🌻 HAVE YOU EVER…

[6] dated someone twice: yeah

 [7] been cheated on: uh you know what? probably, yeah.

 [8] kissed someone and regretted it: not immediately??? but yeah

 [9] lost someone special: yeah i mean.. i hope its not permanent but yeah

 [10] been depressed: all day erryday

 [11] gotten drunk and thrown up: nah

🌻 LIST 3 FAVOURITE COLORS…

 [12] pastel pink

 [13] the one shade of red u know. like my blog aesthetic

 [14] orange but its gotta be soft

🌻 IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU…

 [15] made new friends: yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i made so many new good friends somewhat recently!! i love them!!!

 [16] fallen out of love: im trying

[17] laughed until you cried: yeah

 [18] found out someone was talking about you: hhhh yeah

[19] met someone who changed you: mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

 [20] found out who your true friends are: hh yeah

 [21] kissed someone on your Facebook list: ive only kissed two people ever and theyre both BLOCKED AS FUCK

🌻 GENERAL…

 [22] how many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: (sidenote: i dont like the term “real life” when talking abt friends bc just bc u have ldrs doesnt mean u dont know the person in ‘real life’ bc u do. but i know what its asking so im just gonna answer that) 3... because i panicked and deleted almost everyone off my friends list

 [23] do you have any pets: i have a cat named Pico de Gato

[24] do you want to change your name: legally? yeah. but idk im ok w my name(s) rn

 [25] what did you do for your last birthday: hhhhh I CRIED BC NOBODY WAS ABLE TO HANG OUT AND I SAT IN MY ROOM ALONE but then the other day my friend brought me weed as a belated bday present so whatever

[26] what time did you wake up: 6 am

 [27] what were you doing at midnight last night: sleepin

[28] name something you cannot wait for: GREEN DAY AND AGAINST ME CONCERT NEXT MONTH!

 [29] when was the last time you saw your mother: oh god last summer i think im not sure

 [30] what is one thing you wish you could change about your life: not having bpd and ruining all of my relationships

[31] what are you listening to right now: against me bc i remembered the concert for #28...

[32] have you ever talked to a person named Tom: i went to middle school w someone named tom and i had him in social studies and he wrote a song for a class project on guitar except it was really bad

 [33] something that is getting on your nerves: this one kid i kind of know thats.. actualyl terrible i want them to die....

 [34] most visited website: tumblr/youtube  

[35] elementary: idk what these are actually asking but i... think its asking where... i started to kindergarten at a school in south dakota, and then a different school here from then until 2nd grade; 3rd grade in texas; 4th in rochester, minnesota and 5th in winona, minnesota

 [36] high school: currently in rn and it sux

 [37] college: either going to a technical school here to get a degree as a diagnostic medical sonographer or going somewhere??? to get a phd in psych to be a clinical psychologist. prolly the former tho,,

[38] hair colour: black but rly badly dyed

 [39] long or short hair: idk its like to my shoulders when its down but also i have a mohawk

 [40] do you have a crush on someone: YEA IM RLY GAY FOR MY BF

[41] what do you like about yourself: my eyes and Musical Abilities(TM)

 [42] piercings: idk i dont really want any,,

 [43] blood type: idk ?? ??????????????

[44] nickname: roxy (if that counts..), kasp, rox, friendly ghost

 [45] relationship status: IM LVOE DIRK

 [46] zodiac sign: picses/aries

 [47] pronouns: god i dont fucking know.. any?? except if we’re not close u cant use she/her but. yeah idk. any.

 [48] fav TV show: hm twd probably

 [49] tattoos: i dont have any, BUT  im going to get a bike helmet? idk where yet though. and then just those plastic vampire teeth, and finally, the Most Important one, the word ‘drown’ in morse code on the inside of my left arm. im gonna?? try to meet tyler joseph and have him write it for me.

[50] right or left handed: right

🌻 FIRST…

 [51] surgery: i had surgery on my tongue in like 1st/2nd grade bc i couldnt like. lift it up

 [52] piercing: none

 [53] best friend: a girl named zaneb

 [54] sport: uhhh i tried to do bmx for a while but ive never been in a sport rly until now if u count colorguard

 [55] vacation: hm my familys always been poor so like. we’ve only gone to texas and south dakota to see family

 [56] pair of trainers: wh.. what

🌻 RIGHT NOW…

 [57] eating: nothing but i just ate a cookie i baked. also i know this isnt what it asked but i just want to say ive ate 7 tacos in the past 3 day.

 [58] drinking: ALRIGHT i started writing this post like 4 hours ago but im still drinking that monster

 [59] I’m about to: nut

[60] listening to: against me

 [61] waiting for: dirk to come online?????

 [62] want: dirk to come online?????

 [63] get married: probably not..

 [64] career?: diagnostic medical sonography or clinical psychologist

🌻 WHICH IS BETTER…

 [65] hugs or kisses: hugs... kissing is honestly disgusting and ngl like 95% of the time ive kissed anyone i just found it Gross dskfjds;ld

 [66] lips or eyes: eyes.....

 [67] shorter or taller: ok i dont actually care either way but listen. dallon weekes is 6′4′’ and he can W R E C K M E

 [68] older or younger: i dont care but i usually just happen to like ppl older than me? but not by much like a year at most

 [69] romantic or spontaneous: both

 [70] nice arms or nice stomach: idc s’all cute

 [71] sensitive or loud: idk both but at different times??

[72] hook up or relationship: relationship...

 [73] troublemaker or hesitant: idk..

🌻 HAVE YOU EVER… 

[74] kissed a stranger: god no. i tried once when i was 12

 [75] drank hard liquor: yeah but i was depressed and we dont talk about that period of my life

[76] lost glasses/contact lenses: i dont.. wear them.

[77] turned someone down: i dont think so... nobody is interested in me ever lmao

[78] sex on first date: GROSS

 [79] broken someone’s heart: i dont think so

 [80] had your own heart broken: yeah

[81] been arrested: ....listen

 [82] cried when someone died: no

 [83] fallen for a friend: hm i dont think so. unless u count dirk but i had a crush on him like immediately

🌻 DO YOU BELIEVE IN… 

[84] yourself: every other wednesday

 [85] miracles: eh

[86] love at first sight: no but i think u can kinda have a connection at first sight. like a “i know im going to love you” at first sight.

[87] santa claus: yeah ofc

 [88] kiss on the first date: hh it depends idk

 [89] angels: i am an angel so like

🌻 OTHER…

 [90] current best friend’s name: i never have like actual best friends bc nobody likes me but idk ill go out on a limb and say martin

 [91] eye colour: blue

 [92] favourite movie: the labyrinth or heathers or little shop of horrors. or book of mormon if we pretend thats a movie

im too lazy to tag people i am SORRY if u wanna do this then say i tagged u tho!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11

#bird.txt

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chatuoir · 8 years ago

Text

catastrophic affairs, truly (chap 5)

chaps 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / on ao3

hello it has been 500 years since i last updated but the lovely AmelineAmira on ao3 wrote a fic inspired by this one? omg? and that reminded me that i needed to update (i had the chapter ready i was just being lazy)(thank u <3) so yall should definitely check that fic out but in the meantime here is another chapter lets get LIT (its like midnight goodnight)

Marinette is smothered in hugs as soon as she steps into the bakery. Her parents apologize to the customers before pulling her into the living room, clearly scared about her well-being. They'd heard about the attack on the news and keep inspecting her to check for injuries; she assures them that she's fine.

“Really, Maman, I'm okay. The broken glass didn't even cut me. I promise.” She says. Her parents exchange a glance before turning back to her.

“We’re glad you're okay,” Her father starts, “But what about the stuff we’ve heard about this Chat Noir business?” Marinette silently curses. Shit. The attack had distracted her from thinking of a good way to bring it up.

She takes a deep breath. Well. “I know this is going to sound really weird, but I can explain. The truth is... Chat Noir is my fake boyfriend.”

Her parents stare at her for a few moments, eerily quiet. Marinette stands there waiting for a reaction, but there isn't one. Finally, she starts again.

“So... Chat asked me to fake date him so Ladybug wouldn't think he was lying to her about him having a girlfriend; I felt bad for him, but I also thought it was really funny, so I agreed. We set up some conditions so this doesn't go too far, and I can opt out whenever I want.” Marinette sees her parents visibly relax a little, but they're still confused. At last, Tom speaks up.

“I think the only question I can really ask is... can I meet this Chat?” Marinette hesitates in answering. Fortunately, she's saved by a bell ringing from inside the store. Sabine goes to check and brings back a plate of cookies and friend- in fact, she brings back a plate of chocolate chip cookies and a superhero friend.

“Hi Mr and Mrs Dupain-Cheng,” Chat greets after inhaling a couple cookies, “I'm Chat Noir, but I think you knew that. I just wanted to say that everything that's happened to your daughter today with the akuma was my fault and I apologize. Did she tell you exactly what's going on?” He says in one spurt. Marinette gestures for him to calm down and breathe.

“It's fine, I told them.” She says. He looks noticeably relieved.

“I didn't want you two to stress out or anything, I mean, Marinette was safe during the attack, if you count being trapped inside a glass cat head safe. Which, by the way, I'm really sorry for-- I didn't think people would overreact to something like who I'm dating. Or, you know, in this case, fake dating.” Honestly, this boy doesn't know when to stop talking; Marinette’s almost embarrassed for him. Luckily, her parents smile at him warmly.

“Thanks for letting us know, Chat.” Tom says. “We trust that you and Marinette can handle this, but if anything starts to trouble you, don't be afraid to come to us. Both of you.” Okay, dad. We can't just adopt every guy I (fake) date. Marinette thinks.

Chat grins, nods, and takes a few more cookies. “Thank you for everything. Can I speak to Marinette for a couple minutes?”

“I'm really sorry about everything that happened today. If you want to call it quits right now, that's fine with me. I can ask Alya to take all the pictures off her blog.” Chat says.

“No, no, really, it's fine! You wouldn't believe how many times I've been in serious situations like today’s, especially with the amount of attacks that happen in my school. Seriously. I forgive you. And if it had really bothered me that much I’m sure I would’ve asked Alya myself. Really, I’m okay.”

“So... we’re still fake dating?”

“Duh. You literally just met my parents. I'm not gonna break up with you right now.” Chat breathes out a sigh of relief. Then he rubs his temples before speaking up.

“You know what I just realized? I don't have any way to contact you besides like this, face to face. Can I have your phone number or something? Wait, no, you might know the civilian me. What about IM? I'll make a new one just for you. Maybe something like, small x - big x - Mari’s - underscore - true - underscore - love - big x - small x’, just to keep everything fresh.”

Marinette jokes. “Who are you, a scene kid from 2009?” They both snort at that.

“Like you have any better ideas.”

“Yeah, I don’t. Mine’s just my name.” Chat makes a big show of committing that to memory, as if he’s going to mix it up and find a different Marinette Dupain-Cheng somewhere on the internet. Marinette has to admit that he’s a pretty funny guy, even if he tries too hard to be cool sometimes.

A few minutes later she's shooing him out the bakery door while he salutes and blows a kiss. A couple customers smile; Marinette catches a few of them sneaking glances and laughs to herself. The fun has only just begun, she thinks.

It's past midnight, and Marinette knows she’s supposed to be on her rounds right now, except she isn’t really sure what to say to Chat as Ladybug after the day’s events. Technically, there was no way she could’ve helped him during the attack since she was quite literally trapped, but she still feels kind of bad. They’re supposed to be a team.

Marinette lays in bed for a while and listens as the city settles. There’s usually a couple cars left at this hour, and of course Paris is still ablaze- they don’t call it the City of Lights for no reason- but it feels eerily quiet and dark. I’m probably sleep-deprived, she thinks. Suddenly, her phone lights up and nearly blinds her. She fumbles for it and reads the notification.

New IM chat request from xXmaris_true_loveXx

Marinette has to smother herself with her blanket before she laughs too hard and wakes the entire city. She accepts the request and sees that Chat’s already sent a couple messages.

xXmaris_true_loveXx: hello my false lover (i hope)

i have a question

do you happen to be friends with lb or can you contact her

if so where tf is she?

oh shoot it's like 12:17 im sorry if i woke you up

She frantically types a message back, whispering for Tikki to get ready to transform her.

Marinettedcheng: hi chat no u didnt wake me i do in fact have a way to contact her i will tell her ur waiting & congrats on finding the right mari

xXmaris_true_loveXx: ok good i was just worried cus she wasn’t answering. get some rest you need your beauty sleep

Marinettedcheng: cant tell if thats an insult or compliment but thx i will see u 2mo

xXmaris_true_loveXx: wow i would never slander my fake gf </3... goodnight

“He certainly is a character, isn’t he?” Tikki says. Marinette rolls her eyes, her face shining from the glow of the city.

“Sure. Let’s get going. Tikki, spots on!” Marinette transforms at 12:20 and heads out to the Eiffel Tower.

It’s quite relaxing to be above the city in the dead hours of the night, with everything sparkling and the cool breeze rustling through the air. Ladybug finds her partner sitting on a ledge, lost in thought. She settles down next to him and they silently greet each other. It's awkward for a while before she speaks up.

“Hey.. so. I just wanted to say I'm sorry. Again. For not showing up earlier today? But I was in a sticky situation.” He smiles softly and Ladybug catches it, his face lit up by the moonlight.

“I forgive you. Again. It's okay, my Lady. I promise.” It's still a little awkward.

“Okay. I just feel guilty. Like, all these people were looking up to me to help them and be their hero, but I wasn't even there.”

“But your trusty sidekick was there,” Chat says with a grin.

She gently shoves him. “Chat, we talked about this. You're my partner, not my sidekick. We're equal. We balance each other out, that’s kinda the point. Duh.” He lets out a short laugh.

“Yeah, yeah, you're right. Team Miraculous, am I right?” She nods, glad that the slight tension in the air is gone. The two fist bump before settling back into the silence of the night.

A few more moments pass.

“We should... uh... patrol now?” Ladybug whispers. Chat’s eyes widen.

“Yeah, yep, you're right, I’ll do the north side of the city,” He raises his baton and helps Ladybug to her feet, “See you in 30.” Then he does an Olympics-worthy dive off the side of the tower, extending the pole to vault to the next building. Ladybug snorts as he leaves. Show-off. Again, she thinks.

Ladybug catches a couple thieves before finishing her patrol; they’re some sneaky tourists who wanted free souvenirs, but they at least have the dignity to look guilty when she turns them in.

Chat is sitting on the building across from the Dupain-Cheng bakery. Ladybug wants to laugh; he probably thinks his fake girlfriend is in there, asleep, not at all thinking about the crazy day they just had like he definitely is. She suddenly realizes he’s speaking to her and snaps out of her trance.

“So... did you hear about what happened to me and Marinette?” Ladybug snorts. She’d read his mind.

“Yeah, someone told me to check the Ladyblog, like, a half hour after you confessed to me.”

“Hmm. Seems awfully suspicious. You sure you didn’t expose me?” Chat interrogates, but he’s smirking. Ladybug rolls her eyes.

“Pssh. You probably submitted that post yourself, because you thought I didn’t believe you or something,” She jokes. He freezes for a moment, but she doesn’t notice. Biting her tongue to keep from laughing, she grins and adds, “But you do like Marinette, I can tell. I mean, why else would you be dating her?”

He nervously laughs but tries to play it off. “Yeah, she’s great. It’s going well. But hey, that’s enough about my love life. What are your plans for tomorrow? I never got to ask.” Shit. Uh, I’m going on a fake date with you in civilian form, while trying to keep it realistic enough so other people think we’re actually dating- but only until your plan of making me, as Ladybug, jealous finally works- which probably won’t ever happen, so, honestly, you tell me.

Later, she would wonder if it was the sheer amount of exhaustion from the day, the huge billboard right in front of her, or the curiosity of the cat (especially a certain Chat) which made her difficult situation a whole lot worse. But at the time, all she could think was to say something as ridiculous as possible so he wouldn’t ask any questions.

“I’m, uh, also going on a date. With.. um, the one and only, uh...” Ladybug drops her gaze from Chat’s eyes (which turns out to be an accident) and says with confidence, “Adrien Agreste.”

#marinette cheng #chat noir #marichat #ml fanfiction #love square #the CAT fic #lucia.txt #sweet dreams yall

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this-blog-should-not-exist · 7 years ago

Text

It’s been what, two weeks? One week?

A surprising amount has happened since my last post, idk where to start. So much has been on my mind as well

Last I had said was my last time I saw J I think, which was last Wednesday, the 18th. After that we had just snap chatted for a while. This past Friday I actually had another date with a guy I met on Tinder that I’ll call G, he was a close call to J. So I had told him on Thursday the night before I was going to meet him up in Easton that I was already also talking to another guy. I just wanted to be honest with him because I didn't want to just lead him on and then disappear after the date if it went south. He said that he respected my honesty and that not many guys would do that. So all in all Friday came and we met in Easton at Barnes and Noble. He’s really cute actually, a bit cuter than J but I wasn’t going off that I was going off personality. We ended up spending quite some time at Barnes and Noble talking about comics and books we’ve read and a few other random things. After that we went to get some food at Chipotle and sat outside and talked. We had talked for hours really until it got dark. We got along really well actually, we had so much in common. Books, the way we thought about things, movies and video games. He was like a walking meme too it was fun. But I just didn't feel a spark. Im not sure why I didn’t. Was it because I was already so invested with J? I had been talking to J for about a week longer than G but like I said J was a little more aggressive. G seemed like me, he was softer, gentler and passionate. After we finished talking I had drove him home since he went to college at OSU in Columbus, I didn't want him to have to take the bus home that would’ve taken forever when I could just drive him. I dropped him off and that was the night. I went back home and we said goodnight on snapchat and that was that. The next afternoon he was asking if I had made a decision between him or J and I had chose J because like I said, I for some reason just didn't feel a spark with G. Idk why. I said Id still like to be friends of course because I mean he’s a pretty cool dude, I like him. But since then we’ve talked a little less which I mean is understandable as well. We keep our streak going and make a little talk but thats about it. I hope he’s doing well, I saw today that he had unmatched me on Tinder.

That day though, Saturday I had managed to finally pay off 5,000 that I had owed my college that I went to out in Portland Oregon. I am so so so relieved now, Ive been working so much since this past June to pay off that debt because since I owed them 5,000 they wouldn’t release my transcript which meant i couldn't apply to transfer to a college back here. But now that its paid off I can set all that up this week because I believe my deadline to apply for spring classes is the 30th of this month.

After that day, I had picked up a shift on Sunday because my friend C was actually going up to Cleveland to see a guy HE’S been talking to on Tinder as well so that was fun. I worked Sunday, C got back that afternoon, he said it was an really good time. The guy he is talking to is 23, a musician and finishing his masters in Cleveland. They fit together really well he had said. Im glad, C had never really had a relationship before and I hope this goes well for him. He hasn't had the best of luck with guys or girls really in the past. Just a lot of hookups, which I guess works for him, whatever floats his boat. Im glad he's met someone though. But so I picked up his shift on Sunday, gone to the Band Competition back in my hometown because two of my friends were helping set up for their high school band who were preforming at my high school. So I got to go around see a bunch of my old friends again which was so nice. Ive missed seeing all them in high school and that. After the band perfomance we had a work meeting that night at the bowling alley downtown, then I left and went back up to Columbus to see J. He had really been wanting to see me, and I had missed him a bit.

So I got up there about 9, we got in bed and played on our laptops until about 3am. We had talked the week before to go to the botanical gardens the next day, possibly head out to Easton and go to one of his coworkers house for a cookout. Well none of that happened because I didn't sleep well that night so I woke up about noon but I didn't want to wake him up yet because I wanted to let him sleep. Plus whenever I say with a friend or anyone and I wake up first I feel terrible because I feel bad waking the other person up. What if they’re not ready to wake up? What if they didn’t sleep well either? What if they are a heavy sleeper and don’t wake up? Will they be grumpy when I wake them up? Will they actually be awake when I wake them up or will it take then another half hour to actually get out of bed? But so I didn't end up waking J up until about 3pm which of course he didn't like because we didn't end up having time to do anything. We had gotten a shower together, gone out to town because he was hungry and also wanted to return this game he had gotten. Well we get out to town, he began to get annoyed because he couldn't make up his mind one which game to trade it in for then didn’t know where he wanted to eat. I felt back because he was getting so annoyed at himself and it was my fault because I should've waken him up earlier so we had time to do stuff. Because also that day I had to go down to Athens at 7 because I was signing a least for a house with C, and another one of my friends we’ll call Jo. So J took us back to his apartment I grabbed my stuff and left for Athens, signed the lease, came back up to Columbus, went to the cookout with J, met some of his coworkers, they were fun. I felt a little out of place because of how young I was. Everyone else was over 21 and some were married couples with kids. It was still a good time, I had a few jello shots which I was a little disappointed they didn't get me anywhere even buzzed. But we had left about 2 hours in, got home about midnight and I watched J play Fallout 4 until about 2am, we had drank a little back at his place too but I still didn't even get tipsy. When I drink I drink to get drunk, because when Im drunk the most that happens is I get a little off balanced. I can still talk and think straight its just my center of gravity is a bit off and it makes things fun to me. But so we had gone to bed then. I got up today about 9am, we took a shower and I left and went straight to work.

So much has happened this past weekend, so many good things as well. Nothing ever usually goes this well for me. Me and C felt the same way and were joking that something is just gonna come crashing down on us, because life has never been so nice, me him and Jo are all talking to someone, we got a house, I paid off college. Everything is just going to smoothly. Part of me like I said is waiting, something is going to happen I'm afraid. Something bad but I don’t know what or when. But part of me is also thinking you know what if this is it? Have I finally got my life on track? After years of struggle and trial have I got things going the right way? But what do I do about J? I still have this feeling with him. Am I just enjoying the romantic attention and dealing with his aggressiveness for the sake of the romantic attention? Could I do better? Am I just holding onto him until I make it down to Athens? I just still have so many doubts about things

#me #personal #blog #relationship #gay #tinder #blog writing #relationship advice

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tijuana-blues · 8 years ago

Text

I waited until i got to work to type this.

The end of this month crosses the 1 year mark. only one year ago my world was completely different, and on the Verge of Collapse. A little backstory is needed before i continue.

Yesterday was a normal Tuesday for me. Work didnt stress me, no problems arose. My parents texted me and my brother to eat steak for Dinner. The Food was delicious, and i was preparing to head home, hit a Nice Big Dab, play a round of Smite, and hit the sack, seeing as how i hadnt slept in over 24 hours, and the only thing fueling me was the Gram of Coke i bought on Monday lol.

So as i Get up to Put away my dishes and say goodbye, i get a FaceBook Message. Its my Cousin, Isaiah.

He says he got into an Argument with his dad and got kicked out. He needed somewhere to sleep for the night.

Sure, I tell him. I cant just ignore him if he has nowhere to go. He meets me at my house 5 Minuets later with a backpack full of beer, a bottle of Vodka, and half a loaf of bread and sandwhich meats. My Cousin is crazy lmao, he has the Apache Blood in him more than me. Anyway, since hes staying, i ask if he can find some Wax, so i wouldnt be taking from my Brothers Stash. We meet up a half hour later and pick it up.

so were in my garage, passing the rig back and forth while i Showed him how Smite Worked. And then suddenly he pulls a rolled up baggie out his pocket.

A rolled white Baggie full of powder.

“well we can finish this off, then. since youre letting me Crash here.”

Im not one to ask for payment to crash at my place, but i wasnt gonna say no either lol.

he pours it out on the glass i had been using myself and began to chop it fine with the razor blade i used too.

i had taken a couple pretty good sized dabs in quick order, so i was pretty toasted when he handed me the glass and rolled up dollar. I only saw the 2 lines he had cut on it, so i just assumed he cut two for both of us and i was going first. So i just aim the dollar at the line on the right and Snort away, dragging the dollar quickly, then my Nostril Burst into Flame. I had made a mistake, he cut one line for Me from the PILE on the left.

The PILE i just Tornado’ed up my nose, and was now drinking water to keep my throat from going numb from the river of coke mucus running down it. I hear my Cousin laughing next to me.

“youre a maniac, Cuz! you railed that whole Fat ass pIle!”

Well Fuck. so much for sleeping. Lighting Coursed through my Veins 5 minuets later, and i started drinking Beers to fight the Drip.

Now Isaiah told me that it was Good Shit, but i hardly take his word for it Nowadays. hes off mark most of the Time. Not this time, Though.

15 Minutes Later im Chainsmoking Cigarettes out front of my Driveway Drinking beer and my Jaw was shaking in my Head.

You know its Good Shit when it makes someone who spent the last 24 hours doing Coke often, gives him the Jabber Jaw.

me and Isaiah just began to talk bullshit into the NIght. at Around Midnight he was talking about a girl he knew for awhile now liking him. And him liking her too but he didnt think a Relationship would be good at the Time.

Then Youre Face appeared in my Head. Like it always does. I havent Gone a day yet where i dont see you in my head.

I dont know what caused this, Perhaps it was the Coke in my System with the Beer. Or Maybe it made me finally push past my Insecurities.

i Began to talk about how i Felt the Same, how i couldnt really talk to other women or really want to because of the Luggage i was Still Carrying with My Ex, Maria.

And from there i began to talk and Talk and Talk. I couldnt Stop, the Words i had been saying in my head Every day this Past Year came out. I sat in my Garage all night Long, Until 5:00 AM, Talking to Isaiah About Her.

I didnt hold back, and surprised myself as my eyes stayed dry and my Voice Stone Cold.

I told HIm about How every Woman i ever Dated All Cheated on Me and Left me without a Second Glance. About How My First Girlfriend Megan roped me into a 3 year Lie and ruined my trust in people. I talked about how the girls i dated afterwards all did the same thing, and how i wished i was joking to him.

I told him about how i blamed myself for each failed relationship, and how id spend nights trying to figure out a way to fix myself. How i felt like i wasnt meant to be Happy with anyone and how i stuffed it all down deep and dealt with it only in my most private moments.

...And Then i told him about How I Met her in my Junior Year of High School. The Class was Anatomy, a class full of 24 teenagers with the worlds Laziest Teacher. It was the First Day, and I walked in to a semi empty classroom with kids walking around, picking out a seat for the rest of the semester. the desks all faced forward, in groups of twos in four rows across. I took a seat on the outside Left side around the Middle. I just dropped my Bag and sat in my Seat, waiting for the class to start, checking my phone every now and Again.

And the seats began to fill up, the Desk next to me taken by a Tall Nerdy looking kid with blonde hair and Garth Glasses, A KId i Befriended. Daniel Butttruck. Thats not how you spell the last name but thats how it sounds lol. So i named him Butt Truck and thats his name to this day lol.

The Chair in front of Daniel on the right was taken by a Friend of Daniels, A glasses clad Girl name Aly, And all you need to know about her is that she has a IQ just North of a Bedroom Slipper.

And lastly, A Girl In crutches slowly approached the chair in front of me, and slid into the Chair as the class started. She had a big black velcro Boot strapped to her Leg, and it stuck out into the walkway on our left a bit. She had Dark Hair that was cut into a really cute short style. At first i didnt really notice her until a few weeks into the semester where the Teacher flipped the front two desks around, making Pods of 4. So Now She Faced me and Aly faced Dan on the right.

Thats When i noticed her.

She had Brown Eyes that shone slightly, like Fine Wood Tarnished to a Dark Brown Mixed with Lighter Browns. Her nose was a small little Button Nose between her prominent Cheekbones that raised when she smiled. She didnt Wear much Makeup, or at least looked like she didnt. I remember to this day about how i would see her smile and laugh a bit as we all got comfortable as a group, me cracking Jokes and being dumb some days, with Days. As time passed i began to Notice her more. I began picking her out in the hallways as i walked to class. Sometimes I would say Hi and see her reaction.She was like me in some ways, wasnt a morning person, and had the same sense of Humor. I remember the time Dan Told us about how he Broke his Leg at Blizzcon.

Yeah, if youre not 12 years old, Dan was the Kid who Broke his Leg in like 2006 at Blizzcon Dancing like a Zombie. He was on Tosh.O or was going to be? ill ask him next time i see him lol. Anyway, hes telling us this story and Maria and I are Freaking Out because we realized he is Internet Famous, and Laughed Like Crazy.

Soon enough, I went from saying hi when i saw her to stopping by her morning class to say hi and chat, since my morning class was down the hall from hers, then sometimes wed walk toward our next class. Mind You, i Was a Junior at 17-going on 18, and Maria was two years younger than me. I never tried to flirt with her, but i enojoyed talking to her. I remember clearly One Winter Morning as i walked in from the Bus Lanes to my Morning Government Class, I see her standing by her Morning classroom, i dont remember what it was. She had her phone and was tapping away on it. I quickened my Pace as i passed her, and called out, “Maria!” she popped her head up and looked at me, and i Flipped her off. She gave a look of Confusion and laughed, walking into her classroom as the bell rang. I remember giggling to myself as i sat down, then asking myself, “Why the fuck did i do that for?? Idiot!”

That was the beginning of my Senior Year, Graduated 2011. We didnt have much contact after i Graduated, while i did the little schooling i did do, and work at that God Awful Produce Factory that first year out of High School.It wasnt until about a year or so later, when i started my job at Wal-Mart and Moved in with Christian. i remember it being Spring When i Saw Her Again. I Was collecting carts to put back in the cart corral, when i heard a Girls Voice Call my Name out in the Parking Lot.

I look out towards Barros Pizza in the plaza and i saw her Again.

It was a Bright Sunny Day, Not too Hot yet in the Summer. Her Hair had grown a bit longer, but still had its shape. She wore a Bright Yellow SunDress with Sunflowers on it. I remember how Cute i thought it was on her. I remember this moment so clearly because it was in that moment i felt something inside my heart. Like a Spark running through it.

I smiled and walked out to meet her, she had two of her other friends with her, they had been eating at Barros. Maria Hugged me and Asked me how i had been, and i told her about how i started working there and i live on my own now, looking into colleges. We chatted for a few minutes before i had to go back to work. I asked for her number to text with and, she walked off. As i went back inside i remember the times in Anatomy with our little group, and how i used to enjoy chatting with her. it also made me Remember the day i flipped her off, Years ago. As i lay down in bed that night, I remember thinking of her and telling myself, “you know, i think she would be an awesome Girlfriend.”

Months Passed and i hadnt had much Contact with Maria. I had my own problems at the time and i remember that period of my life to be so unstable i didnt want to date a girl and Live there lol. But i would text her every now and then and wed talk for a bit. I remember her dating someone at the time, and living with them. One Night in Particular I noticed she was posting on Tumblr and it seemed like she was Upset. So i Texted her and asked if she was doing alright. She said she was fine, but shes too much like me, i say that just to get people to leave me alone. I text back that she can talk or vent to me, that i didnt mind. And she did. She began to talk about her Relationship with her BF and how they rarely see each other because of work schedules and School. She told me she was thinking of just packing her things and leaving while he was at work. I told her, “Do what you have to do. if you arent happy, why are you there?”

i texted about a week or so later. She left him. She Began talking about moving to Portland With a Friend, and Getting out of AZ. I remember being bummed out at the news, my feelings for her had began to grow. I decided to step away for awhile, let those feelings go away. It must have been around 3 or 4 months later, or longer? But anyway, i see her posting on Tumblr Again, and i send her a DM asking how shes been, and if she moved to Oregon. She replied back and said her Friend Flaked, and that she really didnt want to go anyway. She says to text her, and i Ask for her Number Again.

From then on, we talked semi often every couple days, more and more often as time passes. Finally, one Day i ask her to hangout sometime, go to the arcade, play air hockey. We had been talking pretty often by then, but no obvious flirting or anything. We meet up at the arcade and we take turns playing different games, Giant Connect Four, Air Hockey, Ticket Games. She bought me a little T rex with her tickets, i named him Revan. Then we just sat on a couch and People watched those who walked in. I remember feeling her arm against mine as we sat together, and Me leaning in Quickly and kissing her cheek, and Seeing her Smile.

About 4 or 5 more little Dates Later, I ask her if she would be serious, because i wanted to be.

Her Face Brightened as i saw her give the biggest Smile i ever seen from her, and she said Yes.

I told Isaiah how as the first year passed, i had been drunk off the happiness i had at the time. As i learned more about Maria, the more attractive she was to me. She is unlike any woman ive ever met before, or have met since. I told him about how i talked about her to my friends all the time, how smart she was, how she volunteered at a Funeral Home Embalming Bodies and playing with Corpses like a Badass.

Then came my 22nd Birthday, on the first year we were dating in 2014. I didnt even want a present from her, she was all i wanted any day. I dont know why i never told her things like that. She Baked me Fudge Brownies after work on the week of my birthday, and i was more than happy.

Then she pulled a box out of Nowhere, Smiled That Warm Smile i Had come to Adore, and Said “Happy Birthday Babe!”

Before that Moment, i Cant recall a time that i was genuinely Surprised like that. I remember the words stopping in my throat and jumbled with the ones i had tried to say Next. Genuine Excitement as i opened the Long Brown Box. I opened the top flap and pulled the Styrofoam Casing to the Rectangle stick inside, Bright White with a Black Line going Down along the Length of it. And inbetween the space in the Line at the Hilt, Was the Red and White Sigil of the Uchiha.

A fucking Uchiha Sword! Like i was in actual Disbelief when i Realized. And what i explain next i never told anyone other than Isaiah that night.

I had to Try my Hardest to keep from Crying in that moment. Not because i loved the Gift she had gotten me, and how she made it a surprise, Something no one has done for me before.

It was because i remember a couple weeks before,as we scrolled Netflix one evening, i Saw Naruto on the list. I geeked out and asked you if you ever watched it, and began geeking out about it to her. I Made her watch some of my favorite episodes, and she would playfully Tease me about it. As My birthday neared, i came home from work one day to watch some Naruto Myself, and Booted up Netflix.

Someone went about 4 episodes ahead of where we Left off Last. I was at Work, and it was her Netflix Account. She actually started watching it because of how much i told her i liked it. Then She picked out something SHE thought i would like, instead of asking what I wanted like My Lazy Ass does.

No one had ever shown interest in Me like that before, and it touched me right in that moment. I blocked all emotion and was all smiled as i Hugged her Maria and told her how much i loved it. That thing was glued to my hip for like 2 months straight, i would get high after work and watch old Samurai and Ninja Movies, and act out the sword fighting with it. I even slept with it for the first Week.

In the days after that, i saw Maria in a whole new Light. I always knew the Maria who had her walls up to Anyone, the “i really dont care,” attitude she had when she was grumpy in the mornings. I got a glimpse at the Maria That was Behind that wall, The Real Maria.

Who Was sweet, considerate, and Generous. Loving and who could make me laugh.

Ever since that i saw that small glimpse of Her, My heart swelled and pumped blood thrice as hard, and my hands would shake and my mouth would get dry.

I was Falling in Love with you.

Hours have Passed, its Around 2 AM. The Line of Coke has me at Full Speed still, having plenty to say still. Isaiah just sits and drinks, giving the odd acknowledgement every couple of Sentences.

The months after my Birthday have passed, and things seem great between Maria and I. If i only knew what i know now.....

If i had just Put more Faith in You, and in my Heart. It Kills me to know how things would be if i had just manned up and told you how you made me feel....

After the first year, the strain began. We both worked. I had the accounting Job with the Contracting Company, and Maria was Working at a local Kids clothing store, and Volunteered at the Funeral Home, Along with her classes, AND she tutored.

i understood she had a full plate alot of the the time, not to mention the headaches and pains she would have. And that time of the month the poor girl was in pain Constantly. So i didnt get upset or mad when she didnt have time to visit or was too tired from work. we were always talking.

But eventually the Strain and My past would come to Signal the End. it was August, 2015. My brother had fallen Behind on his Mortage Payments on his house, and needed to make a payment ASAP or he would lose the House. Naturally i gave him all the spare cash i could to keep a roof over our heads.

Unfortunately, It left me Penniless during the Month of August, which Marias Birthday was in. I Felt Like Complete Shit but i was in a corner. I apologized to her and promised to make it up to her. It wasnt a big deal to her, but i just hated that it made me look like i dont give a shit.

I had an Ace an hole, Though. i Saved a link to a site that makes Custom Rings that Maria had posted in Tumblr that she really liked and wanted. I ordered it and did it early enough to get it before Christmas. It was already Too Late.

Maria was beginning to grow distant, not replying as soon or as often before. the replies getting shorter and shorter, the tone colder and colder. As we approached My birthday again, I plan a Group event with my friends and family, cause last year we went Paintballing and Maria wasnt there, she had work and class.

So im thinking of what i could do for a group, and i see that Charlie Murphy is doing a show ON my Birthday, a Friday! It was Perfect. I called and Reserved seats for everyone, ordered Bottle Service, i was so excited!

I texted Maria Telling her About the Comedy show and Date of My Birthday. She says she cant make it cause of work, she gets off at around 12. I was Bummed, but I understood.

The Big Day comes and it starts off great. Work was a Breeze, and Maria greeted me with a Warm Happy Birthday first. As the day progressed Everything seemed Normal. As evening sets, we all get ready to go to the show. 8 o clock, Showtime!

it was a Fantastic Show, me and all my Friends and Family drinking and Laughing our Asses off. The only thing missing was Maria. I texted her before the show saying id text her after it was over. it woulda been near to midnight, and she coulda met up with us. The show ends around 1040, and the manager says we can finish off the bottles in the bar. Me and my Friends stay, and start getting Tanked.

Midnight Comes, and i text Maria asking if she was off yet and if she wanted to come meet us. Time passes, and no reply.

she probably went home and crashed, she was probably tired, I think, as it wasnt Abnormal for her to Nap during the Day or whenever she could. So i check Facebook, and it Hits me.

A friend Tagged her and some friends at Westgate, not Long ago.

My heart Goes into FreeFall in My stomach.

Why would she be at Westgate After work? did she Ignore my Text...? why...?

My insecurites flared, and i assumed the worst. I remember everything going Quiet around me, My heart Hammering in my chest, blocking out all other noise.

i Shouldve just called. i Shouldve had more Faith in you, and what i Meant to you.

When every girl you date cheats on you and leaves, in a Row, it was hard not to assume the worst, when the worst is what always happens to you.

I remember the tears welling up in my eyes as i get up to go outside the bar. She went to go out with her friends, and she knew it was my Birthday Today....

It didnt make any sense to me, it all seemed so unbeliveable. But ive been wrong before. And add the excessive Alcohol, you get a Recipe for a Terrible Mistake.

I wasnt Dumb, I knew Maria and I were Drifting apart, Our schedules getting more and more hectic. My job stressing me the fuck out day after day, Marias Packed Schedule.

I was so fucking stupid. Why did i wait? Why didnt i just drop to my knees and tell her when i look at her eyes, i feel like i could do anything. That when she was in my arms i Felt like i needed to become a Better man for her. Why did i wait?

December. Jerkoff Hipster making her ring is falling behind, gonna need a couple more weeks. delivery date mid Janurary. I Threw A fucking Fit. i could feel it all slipping away, no matter what I did. Why did i Wait?

I was so Terrified of Opening up to you, and you not feeling the same way. The Thought of looking into your eyes and telling you that i was in love with you, and i wanted to be with you forever, or until i died. I was Terrified of looking into your eyes and Shooting me down. The texts got shorter and shorter. only strengthening My doubts and Fears.

Christmas. The Ring wasnt Ready yet. Another Fucking Embarassment. She got me a Captain Phasma Painting and some Marvel Shirts. I tell you, “look, i ordered this is time to get it for Christmas, but the Guy Got Delayed and it wasnt ready yet, but... i showed you the Ring on my Phone.

It was the last smile i Saw on you in Person.

So many oppurtunities, wasted. so fucking Stupid. I promise to make it up to you.

Down to One Word Answers, or no Reply at all.

Janurary 2016. Hiroshima.

Valentines Day is Coming, Ill have the Ring Then! and i ordered a Cute little Stuffed Corgi to go with Some Flowers and a nice Romantic Date! i order everything and wait.

You came over one week, and seemed in such a foul mood, i couldnt place it. I thought you were in Pain Probably. I tried to cuddle you, kiss your cheek, you clearly dont want the affection. I try something alittle more...Adult.

You Grabbed my Wrist, and Yanked my Hand away, throwing it off you. I was in Shock. I still remember the look you Gave me that night, Clear as day. That Piercing Glare, Looking Right at me. Pure Anger. and Pain.

Youre replies, in thier Rarity, lacked no padding for thier sharp edges. I believe its all Over Now.

Late January 2016.

You came over one Last time. We had Sex one last time. I remember grabbing you after the first go around as you got up and laid you back down. I was such a Fool.

The Ring was Delivered that Weekend. Monday i text you to see when your free to visit next, your ring is ready and i wanted to see if it fit correctly. You reply your busy tomorrow. i ask with what? you reply with: Concert. i ask What concert. You say: Tribal Seeds.

You stopped Replying After That. The Next Day i texted you again asking when can you come hangout and see your Ring?

You Broke up with me after that.

It felt like everything around me had fallen below me, and all that was left was the dark and Silence. Typing about it now makes the Hole in my heart Ache. I remember how hard the Rain Poured that Night.....As i Cried along with it.

And it was only the Beginning for me.

The first weeks after that day are a blur to me. Either Too Many Drugs Or too Many Drinks, take your pic. i was Broken. One moment you were there, you were mine, and i was gonna fix everything come Valentines Day. I had a Nice Romantic Dinner planned, then a Scenic Walk where i would show you the ring and tell you that even though were having a Rough Patch right now, that i loved you and i wanted to do everything i can to prove it to you.

But you Had other plans didnt you?

God i can still feel my heart when I saw pictures of you and Him....I dont know how to Describe how Painful it was to see. It was only Feb, and you were already with someone else? Posting Valentines Shit? I cried for hours, I begged for you not to be like the others, To just leave me for Someone Else so Fucking Fast, like i was Nothing to you.

But thats how it went down, though. Didnt it?

Friends for over 5-6 Years, Lovers for 2.

I couldnt even get a goodbye.....Just a Text. Was that all i was worth, to you?

You got with him within Weeks of Dumping me. Yet your Tumblr youre heartbroken and sad. It was like i had Entered into some NIghtmare.

within the First Two Weeks, I dropped four Hits of Acid at Once. I wanted to Escape. Instead i jumped right into it. I see you posting on Tumblr. Sad, Depressing things. Your Tags show how you deleted the texts from your phone, even though you didnt want to. How you could literally see in your texts of your declining Affection for me. In the end, It was my own doing.

With the Courage of Acid, I messaged you. I ask if your okay, and you ask why, like i dont see your posts, like i dont possibly know why you could be feeling so sad. Even then, at the end, you couldnt be honest with me.

I ask you Maria cant we please Talk?

You say About what? Like you thought i was stupid.

And thats when i just finally, for the first time, although Far too Late. I opened up to you.

I remember Anatomy.

I Remember You At Barros that Day

I Remember Air Hockey at the Arcade.

I remember The Birthday Gift.

The Words poured out then like they do now, The Spark you set in my Heart was the most important thing to me.

Whatever i needed to do to make it work, no matter what, just please dont give up on me.....

You may as well as shot me dead with your reply.

“if you had said that before, things would be Completely different.”

“saying it Now doesnt Mean Much to me now”

Those words still Haunt Me, A Year Later. And it is not even the worst to come.

You Had the verdict long before i even knew. You Found my “dating Profile” Online, and didnt say anything. just let it stew inside you. As we grew apart it hurt to see you just blatantly ignore my messages. So i used that profile to look at women, nothing else. It was only on My Birthday i Night i Made a Mistake i Will Regret forever. Maria wasnt there, she was with her friends. she didnt want to come here, or answer my texts. she chose to be with my friends. I was always the girls’ Second Choice. I got Drunk. I got Upset. I wanted Petty Revenge. I cheated. I Dont even Remember her Name or what she really looked like. Never should have done it.

A month Passes. March. I ask to still be friends, and how i missed you. We start talking again, almost like how it used to be. Tagging each other in posts again.But i also See him. Concerts, posts, tags. It tore me apart. Some Days i would wake up at 4 AM from my alarm for work, and Your Face would be the first thing i see in my head. The Tears would flow before i could even open my eyes for the first time. I try to get you to meet up with me, so we can talk. After i opened up that night you agreed we should talk. Then you just changed your mind....You Said give it time, walk the path, smell the Roses, and maybe we can start again...

My heart is Pumping like a cannon as i go into detail for Isaiah, how i became a madman, was so motivated by the mere notion that MAYBE there was a CHANCE we could work it out later. I couldnt be stopped. I drank Nothing but Water, ate only Chicken, Raw Veggies, Salmon and Fish, and cut out ALL sugar and breads. I dropped 30 pounds in a Month, and was in great shape for a fight at the gym i trained at. I would watch these Inspirational videos everymorning at 3 AM, just to run for an hour. I posted everything on Snapchat, Only Because i Wanted Maria to see it. I was so Optimistic...

April 2016.

Family Vaction in Mexico. A week with a private beachfront Villa and as much Booze as i can drink. i go in with Gusto. The Villa Has Wifi, can keep up with your posts.tagged me in some. Then the posts about him.

I hated how it made me feel to read them. He had what i wanted for us. Our own Place. Just Us. and a Dog.

He took My Place and it Ate me Alive from the Inside.

I stayed up all night, drinking tequila by the shot, playing Toro Y moi and Chain smoking. I watched the reflection of the moon dance on the waves, and thought of you. When i hear the Ocean, and nights when the Moon is Large and Beautiful, i think of you.

I Broke that night......

I knew there was no Path, no flowers to smell.

There was no Second Chance.

I Lost her.

And i couldnt get her back. She didnt want me anymore.

she wants someone else now, and when i Think about it I have to imagine Flames burning the thoughts away.

I guess after that night, i lost my motivation, i Wised up.

And i knew i had to come clean to you. It was the hardest thing i ever did.

It hurts so much still, looking back. Im So sorry...

Even after i hurt you that day, i still saw a sliver of you come through your walls.

I begged for you in time to forgive me, and over time we could be friends again. Let me earn back your trust, understand i made a Terrible Mistake and im willing to do anything to make it work.

Most people would have told me to go to hell and never talk to them again.

But not you. Not even then.

You Said, “ Maybe in time i will forgive you. maybe i wont. Depends on how i feel. for now you should make yourself scarce.”

I was stunned,,,those words hung on me for months after. Did you really mean that, Maria?

And that was the last time i heard from you for awhile...i remember Breaking down at work....The Silence hurt the most. No Texts, No Posts, Nothing.

Not only did i lose the woman i Love, I lost a dear Friend as well...

When i Returned home, i Quit Training, I quit the fight, I quit Dieting. That deep, Dark Hole you brought me out of, Maria.....when i saw you that day....I went Right Back in.

since May 2016 i was in a hole that i could not get out of. sure, i made it look like i was living the life on snapchat, but in reality, on the inside, i was so broken. Then Life Decided to kick me while i was down, and Took my Bonnie away from me. As if it couldnt get worse. My Brother and I Bawled as they put her to sleep. I was so fucking Lost.....

So i texted the one person who maybe might put up with my Bullshit....You.

and you were nice, you coulda kicked me when i was down and wouldve been justified. But you heard me out....More of that Real you shining through.

It is 4 AM now. i have spent all night telling this story to Isaiah, who has listened intently this whole time.

I tell him how after the months of Bonnies Death, I just didnt leave the house. Tried my Best to leave you be and not see shit that would kill me on the inside. The days became Quiet and Lonely. your presence in Tumblr becomes less and less active.

I hardly see you or your posts anymore...

i harden my heart and try move on.

Then i see your posts about your health. the doctor scare, Lupus.

I felt so bad, and worried i wanted to see if you were okay, even though i knew you hate my guts.But i worried and Worried and finally said fuck it and just sent a message saying i heard what youre going through, im sorry, i hope you get better soon, if you need anything, please ask

I wasnt expecting a Response, Yet you sent one : Thanks for Caring.

couldnt expect more than that, so i leave it be.

That Night, Maria makes a post.

Its About me.

My heart jumped into my throat and got stuck. My hands shook as i held my phone.

I didnt completely erase you out of my life.

i still think about you, from time to time.

Thank you for texting me today.

thank you for still caring about me.

Despite the shit i post on here, I still Care about you too.

And No its not the drugs Talking.

I read and Re-Read that post thousands of times in the following months. On Bad Days, Days where i wanted to give up. I read that post and it kept me going. First time reading it i Cried for hours. It was as if God heard a prayer.

To see you say that you still cared.....you will never know what that did. how that felt for me. Even Now it makes me tear up.

My heart didnt hurt as much after that, it healed some of it. I was always confused with Maria. One moment she says she cares, then comes off as your nothing to her. i never knew which was which.

and now, as the year came to face my Birthday again. There was only one thing i wanted. truly wanted. and if i got it, getting nothing else from anybody wouldnt even fucking matter.

I just wanted you to say Happy Birthday.

I didnt think you would. i thought you would have moved on by now, enjoying youre new life with him. I couldnt bleed about it any longer. i took the pieces of my heart and piece it back together again. i began to accept reality. and the pain began to dull.

NOV. 20th 2016

Saturday.

Woke up Early and went out to the woods to do some shooting. all day there. Head back for some Missouri BBQ, and get ready to get Blackout drunk Tonight. Night Goes well, Got trashed, had fun, Fought a couple dudes, enjoyed myself.

Got back to Devins Late that night. Eat Chocolate BDAY cake drunk.

Head off for bed. I sit on the edge of the bed and look at the time. 9:40 PM

She isnt gonna say it. Oh well.

go to your blog to lookup your post to make me feel better.

Read the words, smile and Remember. Pain Begins to set in.

back out of tags to leave, see another tag you never seen before.

“C and I”

click tag link.

Heart Explodes in my Chest, Breath Frozen in throat.

Its a picture. of us. Smiling.

the Caption Read:” I know i have trouble expressing my emotions and feelings and stuff but this guy right here means the world to me. Hes sweet, caring and Funny and---”

I couldnt read the Rest. I began to Cry Non Stop, Like someone Just Told Me my mother was Murdered.

I couldnt stop it, couldnt control myself. The pain was so much. Each one more painful to look at. How did i never see them? How??

I couldnt do it anymore. I couldnt keep taking the pain of it. I deserved to be Happy too..

its been two months since that day.

its been over a year since i last seen you with my own eyes, heard your voice....

And now we reach the end of this story. i force myself to block out the memories, remember nothing.

I have to move on with my life....

and yet....after saying all that Isaiah, which After i had finished, 8 hours had passed. 8 hours i poured out my soul. such a weight had been lifted, it felt so good for someone to hear me out...

so i finish this sad story, and Isaiah asks me one question: How do you feel about her now?

I stayed quiet for a good amount of time. i mulled it over. every memory. Good. the Bad. The Ugly. and i finally settled upon:

I miss her, Isaiah. Not like a lover misses his spouse, but like a friend who helped another Grow.

I hope to see you again one day, Maria.

#m #personal #tldr #my soul

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selfawarenesscat1994 · 6 years ago

Text

accidental long post

i dont normally put trigger warnings but this post speaks a lot about food/binge eating. and i kinda just went off on one haha. talk of money.

im sitting in the office writing this at work cus my boss told me to do the holidays but im done but i need to vent, the store is abso quite and i just need some time to myself.

i have money!

oh my god the relief.

im still gonna be struggling til the end of this month but its not as bad as its been through jan which has been fucking HELL because ive obv been doing my manager job and having all this worry/stress ontop ov it.

i paid my rent +fee and i have enough to cover my bills! !!!!

i bought a bus pass but im gonna probably walk to work when the weather gets less horrible as i acctually didnt mind the walk after a while and i felt a lot fitter adding that exercise into my daily routine. before dropping out of uni, i got quite bad for being the type of person who would go to the gym once or twice a week and justify a lazy existence because of that. the bus is terrible but its the difference of walking 6 miles and being out of the house for like 12 hours a day or whatever and taking a 10 minute bus journey from straight outside my work almost to my front door.

i ordered new earphones becus mine are not working. they were like 6 quid but so worth it. i went into my favourite cosmetic shop and got some nice stuff for my face as its got so flaky and dry and sore. i bought some new combs, not a great expense, no but the last thing on my list of cheap stuff when i didnt hve any money. my hair is short and tuggy and thisll help. i went into a cheaper cosmetics store and bought a lot of cheap shampoo/conditioner, sanitry products n whatnot. i never used to stockpile these so i ended up at the beginning of jan with nothing, i bought a cheap bar of soap for my body and used some of my flatmates stuff (but its expensive so i did it like once a week max). its so nice to have product. its something i never throught was something id miss cos theyre so essntial but i got to the point where i couldnt really afford them because i had bills going out and had to keep my money for other things.

the front door of the flat is drafty so i got the flat a draft exludor on the way. yay.

ive consumed more food/calories in the past day than i probably have in a couple of years - apart from at christmas. last night i bought a milkshake after work. it was thick and tasty and amazing. on my walk home i also bought a bottle of irn bru, which wasnt as good cus i forgot they changed the receipe but ive not drank fizzy drinks regularly in a

i thought it was gonna be enough to fill me up but my body suddenly decided it really wanted to binge and treat myself.

i odered a med pizza with two sides and cookies when i got home from work. i just stuffed my face and ate it all. it was glorious. i went out with my flatmate a bit later and i bought quite a big shop with fresh food but also a lot of tinned/frozen things bcus i know i will be poor at the end of the month. i binged on salad items at like midnight. i ate two eggs, a whole freaking cucumber and pack of tomatoes, along with half a red pepper, a carrot, some spring onion and spinach. fresh food never felt so good. i had fruit and a bagel wiv creme cheese for my breakfast this morning. ive not had breakfast in about 6 months because when i started uni i got so stressed i couldnt eat in the morning and then i couldnt really afford to. and i gave myself some money today to get some lunch. i planned on buying one of those salad meal deals but i ended up at subway, i only got a 6 inch tough cos i think i may have died if i got anything bigger. i did however get 3 cookies on offer, ive only ate one as of yet but the other two are staring me down right now. i was so tempted to go to mcdonalds but i would have binged too hard. my poor stomach which i mentioned before had became a lot flatter probs due to lack of food/a lot of walking is so bloated. i was wearing quite a loose fitting shirt to work and you can just see this big round boi now. customers will think im pregnant fuck me. but its a good bloat. but as i also mentioned ive gained a bit of weight and in the past 24 hours ive probably put on about a stone haha. i probably lost around three inches from my tummy in the past coupla months and now its about 6 inches rounder haha.

i honestly dont regret it. i think if this was a regular thing and i did stuff like this a lot i would probably be different and feel horrible but it was great. i loved all this good food.

im gonna go back to reasonable spending now/eating now. i have some spicy carrot soup i made a fortnight ago in the freezer so im gonna heat the rest of that up tonight for me and my flatmate, if i even feel up for eating and tomorrow i will probably enjoy a cheeky but healthy fruit salad for my working lunch.

sucks my brother took out a loan but im splitting his repayments and we can both afford to pay it off, im sure you can even pay it off wholly early (for a fee though) so i could even do that in a few months time cos i already know ill be due a tax refund, i paid so much tax @ my last jobs before i quit them for uni and ill be taxed here but i didnt earn over the threshold due to my break and il be due loadddss back, so we will see.

im gonna donate at the end of the month to some people on here, im not gonna really examine who ‘deserves it most’ and just do it randomly tbh. thanks to the people who donated to me, it e a lot but it did help as i mentioned before.

sidenote below

sidenote - i dont have an eating disorder. i just binged today and yesterday because ive not been able to enjoy the food i like.

ive always had a bit of a weird relationship with food because ive never been thin and have had some disordered tendancies but nothing thats effected my overall health massively. ive been on countless diets thrughout my life. i dont particularly act like that anymore cos it can be dangerous. id only go on a ‘diet’ if my health was really bad, if i was terribly overweight or if another health condition made me alter my diet. ive also a lot of reckless times where ive just not thought about what ive eat... queue the time i ate a whole selection box and half a tub of ben and jerries for my lunch or the time i only ate a loaf and a half of bread in a day and though ‘ah this is enough calories its fine’. but i think thats moreso bpd. if ive been having a bad time with my mental health i wont care about whats being put in my body. but its not been driven through a desrie to be thinner/bigger ever.

ive been poor recently and not been living on the best of foods (will probably explain why ive gained weight) but i have been mostly cooking from scratch using frozen meat/fish/veg and tined foods (thank god for bootstrap cooking, am i right???), on occasion i bought fresh veg or meat but thats it. the rest of the food i was eating when i was poor and well still will be eating for the next month was and i try to limit this because i know its really unhealthy has been instant ramen/noodles/soups/rice, breaded frozen meat and frozen garlic bread and chips. snackwise its been like those 10p packs of buiscuits and ive also been baking when i can mostly using my flatmates stuff. if my flatmate was making food and had excess id sometimes have some if she offered but thats been it.

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thebiggestashole · 8 years ago

Text

welp,, i have been tagged by @impossiblerebelblaze to answer questions so uh here i go i guess

Also i tried to not put in a giant paragraph but now the post is really long so uh

LAST: 

[1] drink: A bottle of water

 [2] phone call: Uh... It's been a long time since i called someone, but i accidentally pressed the "call" button and called my friend Kémy. Does that count?

 [3] text message: My friend Kémy. (I accidentally called her when i just wanted to text her btw)

 [4] song you listened to: Reol - Gokusaishiki cos i'm a weeeeeb 

[5] time you cried: A few hours ago as I was playing Zelda : Breath of the wild. NOW, before you judge me, this game is very pretty. And i ju st-lOOK AT T HA T S K Y D DU DE AGH

[6] dated someone twice: I never dated anyone so eh

[7] been cheated on: again, never dated so this never happened 

[8] kissed someone and regretted it: I never kissed anyone either,, ha

[9] lost someone special: Not really, no.  

[10] been depressed: No, no Professional ever told me i have depression so i'd rather not say i've been depressed. The past few days have been sad and stressful tho.

 [11] gotten drunk and thrown up: I never got drunk, i'm not even old enough

LIST 3 FAVOURITE COLOURS: 

[12] Dark blue 

[13] Red 

[14] Pastel pink

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU… 

[15] made new friends: Yup! *blows kisses at discord servers*  

[16] fallen out of love: my french ass doesnt understand this one,, ah... I assume it means to stop loving someone? If then... Well... It's complicated, even i don't really know.

[17] laughed until you cried: Yes, so many times,, *again, smooches discord servers* i think i CANT not cry when i laugh heh 

[18] found out someone was talking about you: There was this one girl who was saying mean things, but we're starting to be friends. 

[19] met someone who changed you: Well... Maybe not changed me, but definitely the way i see the world, i'm thinking about most people i met on tumblr for example.  

[20] found out who your true friends are: "true friends"? What? All friends are true friends...? I mean,i love all of my friends equally. 

[21] kissed someone on your facebook list: Again, I never kissed anyone.

[22] how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: Well, all my Facebook friends are people i met irl. I think there's only two i never met IRL.  

[23] how many pets do you have: 3 : A cat (Haribo) and two axolots (Trico and Till) My rabbit died at the end of last year... I'm still kinda sad about it, but also happy in a way cos he lived for a long time and i know he was happy.  

[24] do you want to change your name: Nah. I mean it's not the best but i dont want to change it.  

[25] what did you do for your last birthday: Nothing special. My bros just came over and we ate a cake together. 

[26] what time did you wake up: 8AM, by English teacher wasnt here so school started late! I got to sleep!!  

[27] what were you doing at midnight last night: Sleeping, for once.  

[28] name something you cannot wait for: Anti's comeback!!  

[29] when was the last time you saw your mother: About 30 seconds ago, she just came in my room to take some candies.  

[30] what is one thing you wish you could change about your life: I want to do something big... Wow i sound so modest... No but, I'd love to write a book that becomes famous! Or i'd love to go to space!! YES!! SPACE!!!!!!

 [31] what are you listening to right now: Some japanese song id never be able to read the name heh. All I know is that its by MASA and its awesome. 

[32] have you ever talked to a person named Tom: There are two Toms in my school actually, i've talked to both of em. One of em is in my class. Both are nice dudes but not really friends. Just like... Dudes from my school, we talk to eachother if we HAVE to. 

[33] something that is getting on your nerves: My fucking fringe thats blocking my eye im too lazy to cut it buT I CANT FUC KING SEE ANYTHING

YOUR… 

[34] most visited website: Tumblr. Who is surprised tbh? 

[35] elementary: Assholes teachers but i met some friends i still have today so thats nice? 

[36] high school: Still not there, but I'm going the same place as my other friends. 

[37] college: i have no idea my dude bro pal 

[38] hair color: Naturally light Brown but i recently dyed it blue. funny thing : since i dyed it its been raining NONSTOP where i live. I think dying my hair gave me water rain hair power heh 

[39] long or short hair: VERY long. I never ever cut my hair, my friends tell me i have rapunzel hair. 

[40] do you have a crush on someone: I... May or may not have a crush on my best friend and i hate it cos she already has a boyfriend ha 

[41] what do you like about yourself?: I think i look cute. 

[42] nickname: The one people use the most (and its my name on every website) : Ninis. But Ive been called Ananas (yes this means pineapple) and on discord I am Gerald cos i'm the roundest and the cutest (and the saltiest) 

[43] blood type: O- 

[44] piercings: I dont have any and not planning on getting any tbh. I think they are very pretty, but thinking about a hole in my flesh just makes me feel weird, heh 

[45] relationship status: Single. *lays on table* Ladies~...!! *tabLE BEAKS* 

[46] zodiac sign: Sagittarius 

[47] pronouns: She/her

 [48] fav tv show: I wouldnt be a cringy tumblr kid if i wasnt obsessed with Doctor Who (I mean, now i Watch it casually but if you ever saw me in my dw phase last year... I'm sorry holy shit)  

[49] tattoos: Dont have any and not planning on getting any. 

[50] left or right handed: right handed. I only use my left hand to eat sdjhdghs

FIRST… 

[51] piercing: Dont have any 

[52] surgery: never had one 

[53] best friend: a girl from school called Ludivine, we met when i was 3 i think. Now she's a bitch heh 

[54] sport: Dance, i started when i was 5 and stopped 2 years after i think. I was really flexible. I still am a bit, but i need to stop being lazy and start doing some activities again. 

[55] vacation: I think i went to spain with my parents and my brother.

 [56] pair of trainers: i am a very confused french rn

RIGHT NOW: 

[57] eating: nuggets 

[58] drinking: soda (dont mind the me from 3 month ago who said "IM FINALLY STOPPING DRINKING GARBAGE") 

[59] I’m about to: take a shower, i'm a smelly boi 

[60] listening to: Doomsday's theme and i'm totally not crying 

[61] waiting for: Nothing. 

[62] want: to sleep instead of going to school tomorrow  

[63] get married: eeeeh no thanks 

[64] career: salty bitch 24/7™

WHICH IS BETTER… 

[65] hugs or kisses: again, i never kissed anyone, so hugs.

[66] lips or eyes: I'm gonna go with eyes, but i admit i often stare at my crush's lips, heh...  

[67] shorter or taller: I've always been used to be the younger cos i spend a lot of my times with adults or just older people and most of em are tall so... Sorry short friendz you're cool too 

[68] older or younger: For some reason, i'm uncomfortable around people who are younger than me? So ill go with older.  

[69] spontaneous or romantic: Ive never been in couple, but i think i would like a romantic gal  

[70] nice arms or nice stomach: strong arms to punch me in the fucking face, yess

[71] sensitive or loud: I think I'm sensitive but,, my friends say i'm very loud?? *waves at discord servers* 

[72] hook up or relationship: relationship 

[73] troublemaker or hesitant: well, both have their good and bad sides but... Because I'm hesitant I like to be friends with troublemakers so we can balance things out. And so we can live things like a bad cliché movie.

HAVE YOU EVER… 

[74] kissed a stranger? I never kissed anyone. 

[75] drank hard liquor? Nope, never. 

[76] lost glasses/contact lenses? I lost my glasses only ONCE and never lost them EVER again.

[77] turned someone down: You know when dudes will come to you saying "hey do you want to go out with x?" like its a shame to go out with you? Well thats the only time i turned down people. Never rudely tho. Exept last time it happened, cos i was mad so i went "No, he's as ugly as an ass" 

[78] sex on first date? Never had sex, never had a date.  

[79] broken someone’s heart? I don't think so... I dont see why i wouldve.

 [80] had your own heart broken? The day I realised i had NO chance to get my crush to love me, but i got over it quickly.

[81] been arrested? Nah, i'm too much of a sensitive boi to do anything illegal sjkhskjh 

[82] cried when someone died? Only when it was someone from my family. Or my rabbit.  

[83] fallen for a friend: Eyyyyyyup

DO YOU BELIEVE IN… 

[84] yourself? Yeah 

[85] miracles? I don't really know? I think everything happens for a reason and every action has a consequence but who knows.

 [86] love at first sight? Never happened to me, but i think it can happen. 

[87] santa claus? well duh 

[88] kiss on the first date? eeeeh i think first date is a bit early 

[89] angels? yes

OTHER… 

[90] current best friend’s name: Elisa! 

[91] eye color: Blue 

[92] favourite movie: aaa tough choice... I really like Nightmare on Elm street...?

WELL that was very long. Why did you read all of this? Why would you loose so much time? Well y'know what? If you read all of this, i tag YOU.

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