#its so weird to see them do normal stuff because they are always dying and nearly dying

[runwhileyoucan]

fishing, reading a book, Practicing the guitar and napping.

[evilminji]

Okay, so maybe it's just me? Projecting my new Tea Phase?

Cause for med reasons, no more energy drinks, only Teeeeeeaaaaa~☆

But honestly? Now that I am an adult and ACTUALLY KNOW HOW TO MAKE IT? Really digging it! Am enjoying the Teas. Mmmmmmm~ leaf broth. I like the fruity ones.

So! IMAGINE~☆ If you will:

Danny. 14 and his parents are LOUD AS FUCK (CRASH BANG SMASH BANG WHIIII-) dispite it being, once again, a school night. This has been going one For Years. That STUPID fucking machine. All God damned hours. Crashes and bangs and powertools. Explosions.

When will it ever end!

He's... he's honestly used it.

Unknowingly? This is is a skill that will come in handy later. Living and functioning while sleep deprived. Healthy? Fuck no. But it's USEFUL. He IS the ten year old downing Monster drinks in the parking lot before school.

It makes him a jittery weirdo. Twitchy. Too much caffeine, not enough sleep, his parents either blew up or TOOK APART the washing machine AGAIN. He... he never stood a chance. It's a miracle the indoor plumbing hasn't been compromised yet... AGAIN.

His blood is more sugar, caffeine, and guarana or whatever those other things in the can are, then actual human blood. He doesn't CARE. He just needs too get decent grades, graduate, and become an astronaut. It's... it's FINE. This is normal. They're FINE.

(If they weren't... someone would have noticed, right? Would have DONE something. Cared. So it HAS to be fine. His family's just weird. It's FINE.)

But THEN...

The Accident.

And his biology CHANGES. Green goo, wrapped vicious and loving, around his very DNA. Like Kintsugi of the body and soul. In green, Green, GREEN. It... it's a lot. Everything changing all at once. Maybe that's why it takes him so long to notice.

Why he thinks "oh, I'm just tired cause I'm running more then usual. Fighting and flying. Doing ghost stuff."

When... when honestly? Some part of him always kinda KNEW. From the very moment he stumbled out of the portal. The aftershocks. The pain. Sam and Tucker crying, scrambling to help him up the stairs. Sam tearing her bag apart looking for her cramps medicine. Because... because pain medication is pain medication.

"It's gonna be okay, Danny. Please. Please god, just take it! I promise it's gonna be okay!"

How do you look your panicked, crying, strongest-person-you-know best friend in the eyes and tell her... you can FEEL it dissolving in your throat. Like the pills were dumped in a human shaped pot of acid. That... that the pain isn't changing... and you... you don't think it's going too.

When you're scared. Might be dying. And you can already tell they think it's their fault. W... when you're all just KIDS. And all you can think is... you can let them know how bad... how bad it hurts...

They'd never be able to live with that knowledge.

Yeah. Yeah, Sam. Thanks. T... The pills helped a lot. He feels better. You really saved the day. He lo... loves you guys so much.

...

.....

He thinks about that moment A LOT. About how much he realized and knew, before the denial kicked in. Before he got so... Tired. Fresh of all that energy. And? You'd think he realize. The mood swings. The irritability. The headaches that disappear the SECOND he goes ghost. That he's in caffeine withdrawal. But? Nope.

He kinda blames the constant ghost attacks for distracting him.

But see... Sam? Doesn't drink tea. Goes against her diet. Tucker was where he GOT his illicit borderline illegal energy drinks. And his sister? Big on flavored sparkling waters. Which are gross to him.

His PARENTS drink a thick tar they insist is coffee. It might be liquid fudge. Zone knows its nearly the same consistency. It's horrifying. No thanks, he wants to LIVE.

It's? Ironically? Mr. Lancer and his constant detentions, that help Danny realize somethings up. Because Mr. Lancer shares. If he makes a cup for himself, he'll make one for you. It's how he was raised. And, yeah, the after school detentions? Those were herbal blends. No caffeine.

But...

But they tasted nice. Were warm. The classroom was quiet and as frustrating as it was? The tea itself? Was always... the one exception to how shit the situation was. So Danny finally broke down and asked about it. Learned Mr. Lancer knew a? Surprisingly LOT about tea. Huh.

Then one day he gets SATURDAY detention. Oh joy!

Bright and early. One of the few times he could be trying, desperately, to be sleeping through his parents cacophony. Catching up on his desperately needed Zzz's. Here he is... getting a handed a new cup of different tea?

Breakfast blend? And a bagel..

N...none hostile breakfast? A quiet space to catch up on his homework? No Dash? Just... just a quiet classroom, some tea, and the sounds on a peaceful morning outside?

......oh.

It's the best time he's had in school in... God, in YEARS. He gets so MUCH done. For once can concentrate. And? Actually, now that he thinks about it? Feels... awake? Or at the very least, not as sleepy. And being a Fenton, whom to the LAST are a genius if eccentric family, it's pretty damn easy to put two and two together.

Tea.

He felt more awake after having Lancer's breakfast blend tea.

He obviously asks about it. Then, after detention is done. Calm packs up. Goes home. Drops his back in his room. Goes ghost. And SHOOTS for the Far Frozen with his phone and an energy drink. Because clearly he's missing something and it's time to ask.

The good doctors of the Frozen are... gently horrified. Clawed hands steeples infront of their mouths as they try to tactfully figure out how to word "Great One, WHAT THE FUCK!?!? Why would you DO THIS TO YOURSELF!?" Because that... is not professional. Breathe. In, out, in, out. We can do this.

They get the most patient and restrained of their elders to... CALMLY, very VERY Calmly, ask some medical questions. Listen. Without judgements! Because they are medical professionals. Who do NOT want to scream, forever, into the void. Certainly not. So Calm! (They are going to BURN THAT CAN IN-)

Which! Huh. Yeah, that explains the constant exhaustion. He was poisoning himself. Kinda. Not so much the GHOST but the human half. Putting to much strain and too much trace chemicals, minerals, and buckets of sugar. General "mmmm :/ Don't Like THAT ™" energy from the Goo causing it too try and constantly burning it all out of existence. Endlessly.

The more he put in, the more there was to burn. The more there was to burn, the more tired he became. The more tired he became... well, the more he put in. It was a slowly lethal starvation cycle. Big Yikes.

The TEA on the other hand? Those are leaves. The good recognizes leaves and water. Other various plants, dried or otherwise. It ignores them as "fine" until they reach a "problematic" threshold, apparently? So... *blank look at the doctor*

*sighs in medical professional*

Tea? Good. Satan Can of Halfa Poison? Bad. Please drink tea.

👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻

And it's like MAGIC. He's suddenly BACK, baby! Ha ha ha! Skulker you fuckin THOUGHT?! Oh it's 2am? Well SUPRISE bitch! He's bright eyed and bushy tailed! His grades are up AND he's beating you like a drum! He has ice breakers for old people discussions now!! The local Tea Shops have NEVER been so well protected.

He actually manages to graduate with not just decent grades? But GOOD ones.

And the second. The INSTANT. He is legally his own man? Has his important paperwork squirrelled away and the go bags safely WELL outside of Amity. It's time. He meets OUTSIDE the house, because he's not an idiot. He's been practicing his Clones and has them ready to grab his parents so he can get out of there alive. Jazz is on video call from Star city.

His parents... suspected. Not at first, but as goofy as they are? They aren't ACTUALLY idiots. They've been watching, going over old research. Trying, failing, to get in touch with the League to have THEIR team test their research. Peer review is critical after all. They... they had been so certain. Are still somewhat certain.

But their research doesn't exactly ACCOUNT for this "halfa" phenomenon. So, there is a very real chance they are missing something. The one thing the DO know? Danny is their son. Stuck in some eternal mortally wounded state or not, he is a hero. And they weren't there for him.

They can't change their beliefs on a dime. But they've clearly missed a great deal. And refuse to fall to academic bias. The very thing that got them LAUGHED AT for decades. Mocked and belittled. This is their life's work. By God they WILL find out the truth.

It's? Better then he could have hoped. Not perfect. But better.

He helps set up safeties and a security check point at the portal. Both sides. He's kinda a big deal these days, mom, dad. Ghost scientists eager to work with them. A whole TEAM under their command. It certain endears ghosts to them a whole lot more. Then?

Copy of the blue prints, go bag turned into normal bags, Danny's off to college.

Bounces from major to major. Nothing really capturing his interest. As he aged, he's need less sleep. Gotten stronger. Grown into his father's height and grandfathers build. Tucker keeps calling him a dorito. Danny retaliates with Ancient Egyptian Cyber/Pharoah Twink allegations. According to SAM they are both dumbasses.

She's not WRONG... but hey D:<

Eventually? A really niche botany seminar run by Pamela Isely catches the attention of Tucker, who forwards it to him n Sam. Nice ™. It's being held in her Murder Park! Cool! Obviously they have to go. So off to Gotham they go. And? When they get there? Sam is APPALLED.

She may HATE landlords as much as the next activist.... but LOOK at all these run down, foreclosed, rotting buildings! Beautiful gothic infrastructure! Those could be businesses or homes! Danny, busy with signing them up, makes the mistake of tuning her out as she rants in fury. She does this some times. Needs to vent. Uh huh, you're very right. You should contact somebody. I agree. Mmmhmmm.

Hey, Sam, Ms. Isely needs your-....

Sam?

Oh FUCK ™.

By the time the Seminar come around? Sam has violently kicked in the door of more then a feel reality offices. Owns QUITE a few buildings. Danny is sweating. She... she's doing the THING again. The "gimme your Ghost Crew, I KNOW you have a highly specific Ghost Crew, don't you DARE lie to me or I take your knee caps, Danny" stare.

>.> Sam you can't keep doin- *stare intensifies* Yes Ma'am. *Pulls out Fenton phone* and so? Here come the renovation crew. The ONLY honest building Crew in all of Gotham. They cut no corners. Can't be threatened. Gangs, villians, and even local government office try to arrange... accidents on the build sites.

Nothing. Nada. In fact, it turns out more dangerous for THEM then this crew of outsiders!

Wtf!

Then? After these two College age weirdos finish Poison Fuckin Ivys HIGHLY SUSPECT biology seminar? Manson fucks off to who knows where! Leaving what HAS to be "the muscle" behind. Cause I mean? Look, at the guy! He's huge! And what does he do?

Goes building to building. Rents them out to low income families. Honest, hard working shop keepers. And? Eventually decides to settle smack dab in the middle of Gotham, in the shadow of Wayne fuckin tower, spitting distance from the Space museum..... and open? A tea shop? The FUCK?

"The Zone".

In a weird shade of green. With little ghosts, wearing crowns, because and I quote "it's funny"? Certainly crazy enough for Gotham. But like, it's loud as FUCK here. Crowded. There are gas attacks and shit. It'll never las-....

It stays untouched for MONTHS.

Sometimes being the ONLY building near it to be untouched. Gas NEVER getting in. The damn place a BUNKER. And? Despite looking like it's two floors? It's three. You enter and your actually on the second floor. No one's even sure where the fuck the guy LIVES, since he never seems to leave.

Not only THAT. But it... it's like one of those old school apothecaries. Big ol bank of drawers. Guy'll mix up your blend for you right as you watch. Tea nuts are actually risking COMING to Gotham to try his stuff. Writing articles. Apparently he has some pretty rare shit in those drawers.

Some UNKNOWN shit, according to one guy on ViewTube.

There's this whole debate on if it's Ultra Super Rare or that means it's just super cheap knock off crap. Some of them he won't make for people, even if they ask. There's a rumor it's for Meta's with specific diets. Or alien blends. But no one can verify that. Cause like?

Anyone who tries to cause trouble?

Can't fucking FIND the place. And if you're already inside? You just... drop. Stone cold unconscious. It's definitely magic but no one knows if it's HIS or Manson's? You know? He won't talk. Gets annoyed when harrased.

Which off course!

Leaves Only ONE gentleman for the job. An elite special forces trained expert. Polite, dignified, enjoyer of fine Teas. Alfred "Why do you chucklefucks keep forgetting I was in the Queens Service and a Registered Badass" Pennyworth.

After all! He DOES have the days shopping to do.

@babbling-babull @the-witchhunter @hdgnj @legitimatesatanspawn @lolottes

[captain-mj]

May tumblr endure the pain of all the angst fics on it's sight for eating your askbox.

Well then, I'm really glad you liked the Selkie!Ghost prompt I sent in :D, I loved what you did with it ^^ -X/3NH

(If you want the old prompt just tell me)

Okay new prompt: Ghost is a monster that lives under the bed and in the closets of children. Soap has been the singular person he's haunted, not by choice, just because Soap won't have a single nightmare related to him. In fact, Soap sees him as a friend.

Ghost's kind feeds off nightmares related to them, so he's latched to Soap until he can get a singular nightmare out of him. But Soap is now in 141 and he still hasn't had that nightmare relating to him.

So Ghost now protects Soap because he's grown attached.

(Do what you want w this concept, but I was thinkin Ghost takes a shot for Johnny, but gets that nightmare he wants so bad, it's about him dying in Soap's arms. Ghost's now free, free to choose another contract, but he doesn't want to get anymore nightmares, he wants to be with Soap. (also his family isn't too nice cause "he's the reason SOap doesn't experience nightmares, he's doing it wrong" (No soap is just a massive fan of monsters and doesn't feel scared around them)))

Wow thats a lot, well enjoy ^^

Hello friend! I want to say, I absolutely adore your asks and I'm sorry for always taking so long to answer them! They usually need to be a tad longer than my normal stuff and I want to do them justice! Also, did some very mild experimentation with some formatting/punctuation. Nothing super noticeable but if you notice something looks weird, its on purpose!

Also, Ghost is also a child for the first portion of this. He matures a bit faster but their age gap is only really a year (felt weird writing about an adult monster under some kid's bed)

Ghost had never, ever heard of a kid like Soap. The kid was... well. If changelings were real, Ghost would put money on him being one.

Soap regularly grabbed spiders and played with him. Not the cruel playing of little tyrants that ripped their legs off, but a genuine, loving little thing. He'd pet them and let them crawl over his hands and set them outside when they started to get agitated.

Snakes fascinated him. The first time he managed to see one at school, he came home, sat on the floor and told Ghost all about it. How the scales moved and reminded him of Ghost's arms. Then he asked Ghost if he was a snake which made him lash out and try to yank the kid under the bed.

However, since Soap feared him no more than he feared snakes or spiders or soft kittens, he just went straight through him. It looked more like he tried to pat him than anything else.

Ghost couldn't believe it. Other monsters his age were back home! Bragging! And here he was, taking way too much time.

"I'm going to kill you!"

Soap sighed. "You're always so grumpy. Do you want me to make you a cup of tea?"

"...I guess." Ghost pouted.

Soap smiled at him, radiant. Ghost wondered if he was made out of the sun.

The tea was delicious. He even got biscuits on the side.

"Why do you want me to be scared of you anyway?"

Ghost refused to talk to him about it, worried it would ruin his chances of ever going home. Soap smiled at him.

"Is it like a grade? If you scare me, you get a better grade?"

"Something like that." Ghost agreed. "I need to scare you."

"I will do my best to be scared by you!" Soap smiled at him and finished eating.

On Soap's thirteenth birthday party, far far after when Ghost should be long gone, he asked for some odd things. Horror posters and books about mythology. Ghost knew he was trying to get more information on him, probably to banish him.

Soap never did anything though. He continued to be his friend with so much ease. He also never told anyone else. At some point, Soap realized this was abnormal and instead of panicking like Ghost had hoped or maybe telling someone, he just moved on.

"We're friends. I couldn't endanger you like that." Soap had answered honestly when Ghost asked.

"We are NOT friends."

Soap smiled easily. "I'll get you to admit it one day. I promise." He gently nudged Ghost's shoulder. Ghost hadn't been touched in a while and the fact that Soap could touch him but he couldn't quite touch Soap was... weird. A little scary.

Soap smiled at him gently.

Ghost hated the day that... man put the idea of the military in Soap's head. He inspired Soap apparently. Sent him on this spiral to try to get into the military.

"Fucking hell, Johnny. The military?" Ghost sat on his bed and stretched out. His shadows had shifted from... well shadows into dark clothing. Recently, he had gotten used to adjusting them to look like a leather jacket, leather pants and dark gloves. If this so happened to be exactly like Soap's most recent movie crush, then it was purely coincidental. And if maybe, just maybe, Ghost enjoyed the lingering gazes from Soap, that was also coincidental.

He cropped up in Soap's dreams sometimes, but it was never frightening. The only reason he even knew was because Soap sometimes muttered his name in his sleep.

"It would be great! Going out there, helping people, good innocent people. Going on missions and adventures."

"Your brains being splattered against the ground. Dying. Fucking up and hurting people that don't deserve it." Ghost grinned, ignoring Soap's scrunched up face.

"Stop being such a bawbag. This isn't going to scare me so you're just doing it to be a dick." Soap hit Ghost with a pillow.

Ghost laughed and laid flat on his bed. He went quite when Mrs. MacTavish passed by, asking if either of them needed snacks. "She can't hear me, can she?"

"Course she can. Why couldn't she?" Soap tilted his head.

Ghost frowned. At this rate, he might as well just become human. He already fucking was. "How long?"

"About two years now. She thinks you're super shy." Soap explained, not understanding how terrible this was for Ghost.

Ghost dissolved, slinking under the bed.

"Wait, Ghost!" Soap looked under the bed. "Come on. Are you sad about your family again?"

"LEAVE ME ALONE."

Soap flinched and sighed. "I'll make you tea, okay?" He left Ghost alone for a bit while he did.

Ghost did miss his family. He couldn't go back until he fucking got a stupid nightmare and he was hungry because Soap's dreams were so fucking devoid of any fear. Stupid asshole.

The tea made things a little better.

When Soap finally got everything together to join the military, he was 15. Too young to actually join, but that wasn't going to stop the asshole. He planned to join and Ghost had to go with him.

The problem? While Ghost was roughly 16, he didn't have any papers saying he existed and he couldn't just wait for Soap to come home on his leaves. So he just made some stuff. Fake documents and different things. he was also very, very fleshy. Soap and him had touched hands and his skin felt the same way.

It disgusted him. He really, really hoped that while they were in the military, Soap would learn fear.

But that didn't happen.

Because Ghost was accepted and Soap wasn't.

"You're clearly too young. Try again next year."

Ghost felt his heart drop.

Shit.

This did not occur to him as a possibility.

Soap immediately started in on the man while Ghost sat there, stunned. He tried to smoke away. Dissolve and reappear miles away and back home.

His body refused. Panic flooded him.

No.

Fuck.

Ghost spent... three years? Time was weird. But he bumbled around the military. For the first time... ever, he ate what he was supposed to. Nightmares. None of them were good enough. They weren't Soap. It was better than the nothing he had been experiencing the past 19 years. That's when they reunited again.

Soap flinched when he saw him before hearing him speak and immediately brightening. "Hello... Simon."

"Hello, Johnny."

So Ghost watched out for him. He had to keep him alive and safe. Both because of his job and also because Soap needed to dream of him to set him free.

Soap still dreamed about him. Ghost could hear him speaking his name in the dark of night. Saying it with a tone that Ghost heard other people use in these scenarios. It was different than the playful manner of when they were younger. For some reason, it made Ghost's chest flutter.

Somehow, Ghost became a Lieutenant and Soap became one of his Sergeants. They worked together well and no one ever suspected it was because they were old friends.

Ghost had long since felt human. Any connection he had to being a monster gone. Even if he fed off the fear of his comrades, they weren't exactly Soap. He still had to eat human food and had human problems like cold hands.

Still felt pain.

The bullet went straight through his chest and the blood from his wound splattered all over Soap's face.

Soap's blue eyes widened. He was finally afraid.

It tasted rather bitter.

Ghost collapsed into him and Soap cradled his body. His blood covered them both.

"MEDIC!"

Soap screamed his little head off. So loud and insistent.

Ghost wanted to dissolve. Wanted to sink back into the darkness and hide under Soap's bed again.

"never wanted to join the military."

"Why did you then?"

"wanted to stay close to you." Ghost admitted, panting. His mask felt tight around his face. "it wasn't just a job for me. hadn't been for a while."

"The military?"

"No. Johnny." Ghost leaned up and kissed him through the fabric.

He finally dissolved.

His consciousness floated somewhere. It felt like home. He could still smell the soap Mrs. MacTavish used on the sheets.

Soap dreamed of him. Ghost was rather violently dragged into it, spectating whatever Soap finally put together.

The fear and adrenaline was intoxicating. Finally rid him of the awful feeling of being hungry that had plagued him for so long.

Soap held his body. It looked much worse than it was. The entire world seemed tinged with Ghost's blood.

"Please. Please. Stay with me." Soap begged, rocking his body.

Ah.

Johnny wasn't afraid of Ghost. He was afraid for Ghost.

How endearing.

The bond between them, the hold, snapped. Ghost felt himself start to spiral away from Soap, his body wanting to spin back into smoke.

But he dug his heels in.

"No." Ghost mumbled. "Got this fucking far. Can't ditch now." He had spent the majority of his life with Soap and he was realizing now that he wanted to spent the rest of it with him too.

It continued to drag him and he struggled and thrashed until his eyes flickered open to see Soap staring at him.

"You're awake."

"Fucking hell, don't stare at me like that. And I'm supposed to be the monster here." Ghost sat up, fully healed.

Soap went to stop him before pausing. "Always forget you're not human. You okay?"

Ghost nodded.

"Do you remember what happened?"

He nodded again.

"All of it?" Soap batted those damn eyelashes at him.

"If you're asking for another kiss, you can just lean down."

This kiss didn't have fabric between them.

[z0mblemeat]

time for an afton family rant bcs i can and i have so much to say!! (old art and SO many headcanons + an au) cw for incest/aftoncest, murder, n whatever gross stuff you'd expect from a man like william afton etc etc

a lot of this is headcanon stuff,,, so if you don't agree that's not my problem!!

- for me personally, when it comes to William I think he's definitely got some crazy special interest and when a man like him has something he's highly educated on and into it's almost unhealthy,, like his work, his kids, rabbits, animatronics, whatever!!

murders aside, william works at a kid's place,, and I'd think he'd have SO MUCH fun dressing up, whether it be in funky clothes or the spring bonnie suit (which he definitely gets very weird about) he absolutely lets loose when it comes to outfits and of course, PURPLE IS HIS COLOR we all know that.

I think bright colors and cute images with his persona/clothing adds to the affect for getting children closer to him, seemingly friendly n all that and not just some creepy pervert staring them down in a corner elsewhere across the pizzeria

I like to think that after spring bonnie came to life he's like really knowledgeable on rabbits/bunnies and since he's SO into freddy's and its franchise n stuff, he's got bunnies and carrots plushies, art n etc everywhere,, also all the stuff his kids make for him!! (mike designed the pants in the picture above n william couldn't let it go) yes those are chaps, I think they're so so awesome sauce

william is so full of himself there's freddy's merchandise all over the house, in all his kid's gifts, birthdays, christmas, holidays, all of it

- there's literally no way you can convince me will is normal about his children.. he doesn't like nor care for other people and only for them in his own, very interesting way. they're HIS, have a part of him in them, resemble him in one way or another, michael n evan with his looks and elizabeth with his accent (plus her being a total daddy's girl) it just fills that man with something primal I think

not to mention the way he raises them all once mrs. afton is out of the picture ( I love the trope of when the whole family is weird and incestuous w eachother ) like they're so codependent and william is forcing into their heads how important family is n that it's okay for him to touch them all the way he does bcs he's their father, knows what's best of course, always.

and ofc they believe him, his outer intentions hidden away when in the presence of his children,, but at some point when they find out about the murders n stuff they can't even react properly because william is already scooping them up and saying it's for the best n how he knows what he's doing, it's just to protect his children

little details abt the kids in my au!!!

michael (I live for gross toxic willmike but I love aftoncest fluff too so here we are)

- he obviously takes after william the most, whether he likes it or not, he's the eldest child, william's first, he wants his father's attention the most, was his pride and joy before the other two were born.

knew something was wrong with his family after other kids at school started teasing him and poking fun at how close he is to his father,, or how when the guys he hangs around with or talking abt girls in the same way william has slipped into his mind when he doesn't mean for it to

other little things like dying his hair just because he looks up to his father sm,, I think about him trying to add little bits of purple into some of his outfits, stealing a jacket or two from william's closet.. pls I love them

every kid has resembled plushies too! william and michael have swapped theirs,, will keeping a little fox plush on his desk at work or in his lap when he's working too much to focus on seeing mike and the boy having a spring bonnie plush he never stops carrying around until william comes back (both smell like the other)

elizabeth

- I love the idea of mrs. afton being a black woman,, and ofc liz takes after her, gets all her looks. and william being the man he is hated seeing liz having to run to her mother when she needed her hair done or handled with, william had mrs. afton teach him how to take care of it properly just to get that bright tooth gapped smile from his little girl when she came running up to him with hair ties and squeals

she's so very spoiled ofc,, really gets whatever she wants tbh, gets jealous when she sees will touching up on mike or evan n gets all pouty so william has to scoop her up too so they all get attention,, I enjoy the idea of them all being obsessed with their father, having little crushes n stuff :3

evan

- I haven't thought much about him in terms of headcanons,, but ofc liz loves taking care of him I think!! and while michael bullies the hell out of him he hates when anyone else does it, and won't hesitate to make a kid cry to their mother with the words that come out of his mouth

toddler evan never growing out of pacifiers is very cute to me, or the giant golden bear william got him early on (yes, with cameras inside still) he gets attached to things easily, especially his father n family

I think he would be select non verbal, especially when it comes to being in public,, babbles a bit but if he does get words out it'll be to his stuffies and/or william n maybe the other two

I can talk about this forever in the same sense for wincest too.. codependent family relationships are my fav everr

[6ad6ro]

ok. i finally finished final fantasy vii rebirth. and i wanna talk about it. i guess you could call this my "review". this post will be vague and spoiler-free unless you click on the "read more".

i do love this game, but it's an absolute mixed bag: story: 10/10 combat mechanics: 9/10 music: 9/10 art direction: 10/10 voice acting (jp): 10/10 open world (non-quest stuff): 4/10 sidequests: 6/10 minigames: 3/10 pacing: 1/10 does this game have flaws? yes. is it as good as the og ff7? no. but is it worth playing? absolutely. i almost feel like this game needs a "cheat sheet" in order to know what parts to play and what parts to avoid. but the good parts (mostly the linear main story stuff) is SO gd good that it's still a must-play game. ok but now i'm gonna go into details (and spoilers) under the rm cut.

so i'll go over some of my scores. firstly, the story is the main reason to play this. they def fuck around a lot, maybe they bait and switch a bit too often, but in the end it makes for a very compelling (or at least interesting) narrative. at first, i was REALLY worried that this game was gonna turn into just some "fan pandering nightmare". and it felt like it was "ff7 without it's claws". esp when everybody was dancing like pop stars and aerith and tifa kept high fiving. but... it def got into that good ff7 trauma we know and love later on. and respect to them for following through with killing aerith. yes, they did what i sorta expected. they teased tifa dying instead, teased aerith NOT dying, and then killed aerith anyway. they EASILY could have left her alive, but they didn't. they kept in the loss angle, which imo is what makes ff7 "ff7". i kinda LOVE that now you have a batshit cloud "seeing" aerith's ghost like it's star wars. and everyone else seems almost... afraid of him. and rightfully so. also i LOVED the zack stuff, even though it was absolutely confusing. i like that they're hinting at zack somehow breaking through his reality into the rm universe. i also like the tease that... idk... will there be another "party" involving zack, kyrie, biggs (if he's still alive or not)? regardless, a great story!

the combat feels mostly improved over rm. the gameplay is fantastic with very few flaws. difficulty is way more balanced than rm, with easy feeling a bit harder and normal feeling less unfair. the only times i felt frustrated by the gameplay was when they laid the "stone" status effect on too thick in parts bc it felt cheap. is it as good as the og combat? no. it still def has the unfun "you desperately need to heal but don't have a charge and the enemy is immune to everything so you just die" thing. but credit where its due, the "free item a few times per battle" materia fixes a lotta those issues.

the music is incredible. the remakes of old songs generally kick ass. some of the new music was pretty good, too. though it gets a point off because a lot of the open world stuff music felt... generic? this is just a situation where the og game's music is TOO GOOD, so the new music will always be fighting this sort of uphill battle.

the art was perfect. just the shading alone... like jesus this game is absolutely beautiful. i took so many goddamn screenshots in game, and they'd often end up looking like key renders, even tho it'd just be a random ss i could take at any angle. this game went above and beyond all expectations.

the voice acting... there was SO MUCH and it was all SO GOOD. tho i did switch to jp voices. bc... in this sorta storytelling, eng just sounds like "drama club"? idk there's a reason the language of origin cast is usually better and that's just how it is. it was perfect.

ok now we're gonna get into some of my issues, starting with the open world. it's not ENTIRELY awful? some was genuinely fun and exciting. but the majority was busywork. like it's so weird when the mainline stuff was so good that this would feel like a shitty ubisoft game. and chadley... fuck that dude. worst character in the series. but for SOME gd reason he ends up talking to you nonstop! i hit the point where i'd wince any time i heard his "radio" turn on. he took an already mediocre open world and made it way worse. fuckin chudly.

the sidequests that weren't just repeated busywork were usually neat. tho some were bad, and others withstood their welcome. the cutscenes/dialogue were usually fun or genuinely great, but they too often came at the cost of wasting your time. they often had shit rewards. and they often incorporated the shittiest "minigames" ever (i'll go into this more in a minute). example: you gotta find ingredients for a character who is learning to cook. but it isn't just going out to find them in the world. no no no. you gotta follow a dog (ftr i love the song) as they slowly meander through a jungle, running into every mob they see. and when you finally get to where the "salt" is, there's a dumb scavenger hunt minigame where you need to find only the 5(?) salt piles that look like the photo. THEN you gotta get on your chocobo and look for mushrooms in a confusing, puzzle-like terrain. which also involves a smelling/follow the direction minigame, which always leads you into mobs. and once you get to each mushroom? there's this STUPID picking minigame. after all that, what reward do you get? an accessory that functions like maybe the worst materia in the game, but also takes up the accessory slot, making it even more unusable. FUCK this game sometimes, lol.

speakin of "fuck this game", the minigames. the 200 minigames (exaggeration, but it really feels like that many). some are genuinely incredible, like the piano minigame? which might be one of my favorite minigames of all time, it's legit THAT good. or "red xiii rocket league". but for every good minigame, there was a mediocre one. and then a terrible one. or one that gets WAY too hard in higher difficulties, like the mog game which starts fun but ends up dogshit and unplayable a few levels in. even tho the good and passable minigames are the majority, the bad minigames? they're maybe some of the worst minigames i've ever played in my goddamn life. like, by design, they're almost anti-fun. i genuinely believe some of the people in charge of the bad minigames should be blackballed from the industry. it's bewildering.

and finally that brings us to the pacing. if you play the game the way they seemingly expect you to play, getting to each new area and sidequesting a bit before continuing on with the story? then you'll spend five hours of mediocre/bad sidequest for each hour of good story. that's even worst if you're a "completionist" at all, you can triple or quadruple that number. we all loved remake because it "expanded the midgar section". we were all hoping they'd do the same with the og open world. the very idea of "big open world, but so much bigger" seemed incredible. but they certainly gave it to us! like they gave us exactly what we said we wanted, lol. when i first started playing rb, i was mostly completing each area. by the second or third area, i was more than 50 hours in. "burnout" is a gross understatement. all the mediocre sidequests combined with the sometimes unplayable minigames ALSO COMBINED with fuckin chudly? and i actually started to hate this game. it made me miserable. i'd get to a new area and just roll my eyes. i'd see a new minigame tutorial pop up and i'd mash "cancel". but wouldn't you know it, once i started skipping most minigames/sidequests? i started havin a ton of fun. turns out this pacing issue can be mitigated a lot. straight up you can ignore most of the open world, and i would actually strongly recommend it. if you DO wanna sidequest a bit between story, i'd say put on a podcast, set the difficulty to easy, and turn the voices down (bc chudly). and don't do everything. oh no. just do enough to unlock the chocobo, to buy the best materia chudly has from that area, and maybe get the summoning. even THAT is probably too much. bc near the end of the game, you get the opportunity to go back and finish a bunch of the stuff you missed the first time. and i actually enjoyed a lotta that stuff then! it was almost like a period of rest and relaxation before the end story stuff.

there are ways, intentional or not, to make this game feel even BETTER than remake. when you skip most of the side stuff, it's paced incredibly well. so it's hard to say it's a bad game. it's actually a really GOOD game with "too much side content". if you treat the open world stuff as just like, a living, detailed world you glance at as you zoom by? it's actually really cool that it's there. i have a couple more pros/cons that i wanna mention, but i don't know where else to put em. like the end fights. thematically, i adored em. in execution, it went on for way way WAY too long. it was like a 15 (yes FIFTEEN) phase fight. on normal, i swear it felt like it took close to two hours, full of unskippable cutscenes and only like one checkpoint. it also takes away al of your team composition too, consistently forcing you to use characters you don't wanna use in the hardest fights in the game. first time, i got through to the very last sliver of final sephiroth's health, only for him to cast some dogshit unblockable "everyone is at 1hp" move at the end. it was ok bc "i'd prepared for this". so i instantly had one character use a gigapotion on the other, who i switched to so they could dodge just to be extra safe. the potion... missed? how? and then before i had a chance to use another, he killed the remaining character. bad game. shit game. but whatever, i hit retry. and i couldn't believe it. it sent me back 7 phases. i was livid. it had sucked the air outta the room. so i said fuck it and restarted the whole fight from the start on easy, because i can't tolerate that kind of scumbag game design that wastes a player's time. and wouldn't you know it, turns out i'd been at the very end of the fight when i died. if the potion had gone off like it shoulda, i would have won, no question. ironically even on easy, that trash situation happened again, but the potion actually went off this time, that was the only difference. but yeah. fuck that fight. it was cooler thematically than the final fight in rm, but it was three times as long, and three times more unfair. fuck whoever designed this fight, they too should be blackballed from the industry, lol.

the last thing i wanna talk about is queens blood. bc my feelings on it are sorta all over. so it starts out kinda boring, like as basic as ff8 triple triad, but wayyy less fun. and you're very limited in who you can play and what cards you can add to your deck. the ai seemingly "cheats", but it's so "linear" that you can win anyhow. and they musta known they'd lose most players, so they legit give you the ability to "flip the game board" at any point in the match and start over with zero punishment. they knew the game wasn't rly fair by design. but it's still good they had the easy retry feature, or they woulda lost me too. the qb experience sorta continues this way until you get to the latter junon area, where suddenly you run into... idk what to call it. intense difficulty spikes? like this dickwad who's playin a rockabilly guitar. FUCK that dude's deck and FUCK his ai. almost single-handedly got me to drop qb altogether. i was absolutely done, had decided qb was just a poorly designed game. thankfully, right after junon they have this big tournament on the boat to costa del sol and it's really fun. you suddenly are getting cards that have actual strategy. and suddenly qb opens up. there was a slight misstep after the boat where they make you play these stupid "puzzle" versions of qb, but you can look up guides and, even if they aren't fun, they help teach you about the game. anyways, i cautiously started playin more matches in later areas (skippin fights that seemed too lame), and before i knew it, i'd kinda fallen in love w the game. it also helped that they started incorporating this fun n bizarre story, too. so idk. i'd say play qb the same way you play the side content, skip a lot of it until you get to the end game? and then go back with cards you bought or won and finish the ones u missed. it's so weird that so much of this game works this way. and i could see someone arguing that "it's just a bad game". because when most games hand you content, even side content, most players expect they should at least give the content a fair shot. it really is kinda poorly executed. but! there are so any ways to mitigate the bad and focus on the good. knowing what i know now, i like this game even more than remake (which i really REALLY love). rebirth was fuckin great. and thank fuck i didn't get spoiled, tho i never wanna hafta try n rush through a 100+ hour open world ever again. i'm really excited for part three, just hopin i can remember to skip over a lotta the optional stuff. also hoping i won't have to buy a fuckin ps6 or whatever just to play it.

[nancypullen]

Ahhh

Matthew arrived from Minneapolis yesterday. He is just what this house needed - laughter, love, interesting conversation. When my kids come home my heart relaxes. Yesterday afternoon I sat at my desk writing Christmas cards and Matt plopped down in a chair with a cup of coffee. We talked and laughed and before I knew it I'd finished thirty cards, normally it would have felt like more of a chore. I stopped because I ran out of stamps. Well, I ran out of holiday stamps. I still have quite a few of these.

Think anyone would be bothered getting their Christmas card with a dia de los muertos/day of the dead stamp on it? Guess we'll find out. I know that the tradition of sending cards is a dying one, but I love opening my mailbox in December and seeing messages from scattered friends and relatives. It's heartwarming. And really, anyone who knows and loves me will not be at all surprised to get a holiday card with a skull on it. I mean, Matt brought me this sweatshirt...

My idea of a lovely evening is flannel pajamas, a bowl of popcorn, and a new episode of Dateline. He knows me. He is also proof that a weird mother can produce exceptional children. I did it twice. Maybe it skips a generation because the grandgirl definitely has a hint of Wednesday Addams in her. Speaking of the wonderful girl - the Edgewater gang left for Tennessee yesterday to spend Turkey Day with Jamie's folks. I know her family is anxious to see them, I feel selfish because we get so much of their time. She's a lucky little girl because she has four grandparents that dote on her. When they travel down to Tennessee they turn it into a mini vacation rather than make it a miserable 11 or 12 hour day. The dive is about 10 hours, but allowing for gas and potty stops, meals,etc it turns into a much longer trip. So they break it up into two days and do fun stuff. Yesterday they visited Luray Caverns, with its thousands of stalagmites, it's the largest cave system on the east coast. Apparently the grandgirl said, "it's the best thing I"ve ever done". I'm sure her imagination ran wild.

NOPE. No, thank you. I don't like being underground. That's a hard pass from me. Even when I'm on a subway I try not to think about being underground.

As an added treat they always stop at a hotel with an indoor pool so our little fish can dive and swim and wear herself out after a day buckled into the car seat.

I have to be ever so careful to only share photos that don't show her face. Her parents very wisely keep her off social media. That's a good thing. So that's the news from our little corner of the world. Half my heart is home, the other half is traveling. We're heading into the holidays and getting out the stretchy pants. Let's face it, no one is eating salad at Thanksgiving. If I can reach January with just the two chins I currently have, I'll consider that a success.

I'm not baking any goodies, except for the cookies that my mother and mother-in-law requested. They're a delicious, buttery shortbread cookie with pecans and cranberries. They've been a hit every time I've taken them anywhere or given them away. Here's the recipe, straight from Martha Stewart: https://www.marthastewart.com/330131/cranberry-noels I'll end on that sweet note. I may drag Matt off to Target with me today. I need a couple of things and he's good company. Whatever you're doing with your Sunday, I hope it makes your heart a bit lighter. Look for your peace, find some joy - even if it's just a good cookie. Sending out lots of love, hope you feel it. Stay safe, stay well.

XOXO, Nancy

[daenystheedreamer]

omaegorverse au stuff its daenys marrying into the starks and having the worst fucking time of her life with her gay misogyinst husband who hates her and her problematic homophobic mother in law ^_^

anyway so in omaegorverse walton and alaric did a rebellion and got absolutely FUCKED like fully dead and burned up rip alaric stark sorry u couldnt befriend alysanne 😭 its canon that torrhen's sons and the early targ-era starks HATED the targs. i think if maegor omegafied his nephew and took him to wife theyd consider that the last straw. plus the old gods are whispering in their ear or something ^_^ there’s also a mercenary company in essos called the company of the rose i thought that was SO fun so they go back to westeros to fight in the rebellion :3

anyway viserys is crazy at this point cos he’s had three forced childbirths and people keep dying and its his fault (its maegor its all maegor. of course its maegor's fault but maegor's like um well maybe if u werent a whore they might have lived 🙄) so he begs maegor to end the rebellion peacefully. plus if they blast the starks the north will HATE them. maegor is like fuck that noise and viserys goes well ok guess ill kill myself and the kids then. so maegor's like fuck ok fine 🙄 gods youre so dramatic women are so annoying -_- nudges his squire goes heh the wife amirite always nagging and bitching!!

viserys is deeply traumatised and only halfway in reality. he arranges a marriage between daenys to walton+alaric's brother for peace and hes like itll be ok cos youll be far away from maegor. you just have to be a nice demure wife and have babies like look how happy that made me!! itll be fine also maegor will 100% make you the prize in one of his fckn tourneys if u stay unmarried for much longer O_O. and daenys is all well the angels are telling me to murder-suicide maegor and im having gay thoughts about aunt rhaena again so i guess running away from kings landing  is a good idea (kings landing is kind of alive in this it kind of tortures the targs).

it is not! she marries the new lord stark (his name is cregard:3) and he's DEEPLY targphobic. his mother was the second wife of brandon the boastful, making walton and alaric his elder half-brothers. his mother is also a bolton! her name's barba bolton she's crazy! she and brandon the boastful married as a covert bolton-stark alliance against the targs in preparation for possible anti-targ rebellions… the stark family consists of barba + her four kids: myranda bolton, cregard, lysara mormont and sybelle dustin. the starks are very weird rn cos half of them died and the other half are hated by the north. the daughters are all married off and do a lot of diplomacy, so its just barba and cregard in winterfell. boymum and her mummy’s boy that’s so normal!!!

barba has had the revolution burned out of her thanks to her husband and stepsons getting burned to death at the gates of winterfell. she couldnt intern their bones either because balerion fckn ATE them. she agrees to the marriage because there’s no way she can’t... also because the political situation in the north is very tense. everyone is mad that the rebellion failed and that their sons died, and they start a conspiracy that barba had sabotaged the rebellion for bolton power. barba had refused to let her own son fight, despite him being fifteen (which is war age for sure) and they think this was her being cunning. they think she had conspired with maegor and his catamite WHORE into letting her and her children live. and she hates the northern houses back cos she gritted her teeth swallowed her pride and surrendered to save THEM!! so if she doesn’t want some kind of usurpation she needs the backing of the targs. plus this princess has a dragon…

ALSO it was viserys the catamite FREAK who specifically intervened and begged maegor's mercy which the northerners all see as a slight on their honour. barba is also super pissy about it :3 homophobic QUEEN! on paper it is such an honour to wed a targ princess but everyone thinks the mpreg babies are abominations, the starks especially. but they cant say no since maegor mercifully didnt blow them all up.

cregard's character is very stoic and angry. he's got that stark iciness + honour/justice, but he's also got the stark wildness!! he's 14 years older than daenys (30 and 16 at marriage ew) and he sees their marriage as a transaction and security for the north. he was fifteen during the rebellion and hates his mother for locking him in winterfell. considers this an evil bitch act of emasculation but he’s also an absolute mommy’s boy. he's very classically sexist like Well a wife's job is to support her husband and give him heirs. i will give her whatever she wants materially but emotionally she is an object she is not a person. if that makes sense :3

daenys is very shy and autistic so barba thinks she is weak and will never be a good lady of winterfell she isnt Hard and Stoic enough. cregard thinks she's an airhead freak but treats her with that sort of chauvinistic chivalry. like he treats her decently enough he doesnt beat her but also her duty is to give him sons. cregard does NOT do the nedcat sept because the optics of that are SO bad. as she has married into the family he expects her to convert since well she's a northerner stark now. not that anyone is treating her like that... anyway she mostly spends her days with the horses in the stables, in the glass gardens or with her dragon:3

and YES she has a dragon and brought it north. it is very small the runt of the litter. it is from dreamfyre's clutch and daenys named her dreamsweet and calls her sweetling. the starks are very annoyed by the dragon because they were hoping for a big dragon who they could use as leverage. instead they get a runt. just like daenys :) she doesn't ride dreamsweet much, though dreamsweet is large enough to ride. cregard DOES have a large stable made for the dragon which also stunts the dragons growth but they dont know that. everyone steers clear of it and daenys turns it into her special safe place :) she paints it all pretty and uses it as a sept. its round and maybe the size of a smallish school gymnasium. it has a conical roof with a large skylight, though chains are kept over the opening. dreamsweet is allowed ONE outing a month...

not getting into the marital bed situation because sad and also thats not fun and i do this au for fun. but i guess picture the handmaid's tale if youve ever read the book :( barba is there and its all mechanical and emotionless. cregard thinks his wife is an abomination + is sexistly gay. he is nawt getting anything out of this. actually havent really thought about the gay thing all too much i just did that cos i thought it was funny tbh. maybe he’s got medieval rentboys or something.maybe he’s got a tumultuous homoerotic situationship with one of the northern lords. You decide :3 i think barba is like your vices are disgusting and dishonour house stark. use your wiles to seduce that effette lord manderly into supporting the starks again.

daenys and barba are very weird cos daenys has never had an actual mother before. barba’s like late forties when daenys marries cregard. they’re the only women in winterfell and daenys outranks her and daenys is a fucked up abomination and barba is one of those insane boymoms whos like I am the most important woman in my son’s life. i would like it if she slowly grew to respect daenys and they could have a normal mother-daughter relationship but. I doubt that. i think daenys is terrified of her and barba hates her but theyre also forced to interact, forced into the most intimate relationship women can have!! motherhood ahh!! god this post is too long. okay my final message. goodbye<3

[normiematsu]

text based yuulore. relationship thoughts/her perception of the matsuno family... 🤔 it's not really edited/formatted and i wrote it on my phone but it's taking foreverrrrr to draw this stuff out so enjoy it straight out of my notes app. yippee

oso -> mostly friendly? thinks he's a funny drinking buddy. observes him like a bug. he's kind of an enigma to her since she's rarely seen him by himself so she doesnt know what makes him tick. he gives her shit for being into choro before she realizes she's into him, they bicker a lot abt this and he thinks it's fun to troll her in general lol. he has to be careful not to push too many of her buttons bc if she gets too frustrated she WILL cry and then everyone will attack him

kara -> mutually friendly! generally immune to his eccentricities, but also acts as an agent of chaos and eggs him on when it would be funny to make everyone else die of cringe. has no idea what he's going on about half the time but is a big supporter of him being flashy and weird bc she wishes she could be more openly flashy and weird. he's probably the only bro besides choro who knows the "book cafe" she says she works at is actually a manga cafe (she's too embarrassed to tell ppl this normally but she trusts him to be cool about it)

choro -> ITS COMPLICATED. rivals to lovers. they're into a lot of the same things so before they get to know each other they're constantly in a loop of bumping into each other reaching for the same last piece of merch which flusters the hell out of her. once properly introduced she thinks he's fun to mess with and has a really easy time doing so lol. trolled this guy so hard they accidentally fell in love with each other. she goes to extreme (and poorly hidden) lengths to hide her crush on him for a long time. when they're together she's usually serving as the voice of reason since she has more practical life experience than he does. they are pretty disgusting to witness in love, she's more open about pda than he is but u can feel it oozing off of them. they do almost everything together. ewwww cooties 🤓

ichi -> friendly but one sided mostly. she's nice to him but he's terrified of her because how can someone who looks put together and has a job be into the same shit as choro. he gets freaked the fuck out for a while whenever they have to interact but i think with time they could get along well. she could help him be a domestic party peep or whatever the hell normie stuff he wants to do bc unlike jyushis zany approach she encourages him to just go with the flow of the crowd

jyushi -> she's lowkey scared of him at first because... he's jyushimatsu and jyushi does things the jyushimatsu way. getting glimpses of his more serious side makes her realize his typical self is kind of similar to her approach of meeting her friends where they're at, he's just really out there in terms of trying to make the vibes fun. has considered egging him on like she does w kara but is too scared it would tear apart the fabric of reality

totty -> friendly but there is a little tension in the beginning. she heard about the sutabaa incident secondhand at a mixer and when she realizes this is the guy in question she's dying laughing inside but saves him the embarrassment of letting him know she knows. he picks up on this and doesn't know what to do with that vibe. other than that they get along well bc they're both normie passing lol. doesn't quite get her taste in fashion (too flashy for him) but it's interesting for him to see what she gravitates towards when they go shopping together. not afraid to join him in roasting the other bros when they're on some wack shit either

matsuyo & matsuzou -> girl is trying so hard to be so normie around them!! but they raised 6 neets so they see right through her act lol. they like her regardless and she's always acting super proper around them in the beginning, but being around her s/o's parents is stressful for her 💀 i think later on in yuucho era she would relax more and come over just to cook dinner with matsuyo. they'd both mostly just be thrilled to have a potential daughter in law hanging around in the first place lol

that's all i got for now. smiles

[queerfables]

911 season 5 liveblog part the end

5x15

Heh I knew this lady was full of shit about this house being hers. I hope she doesn't die for it though.

Ugh her face T_T

"Don't you wonder about stuff like that?" "Not really" lol Eddie you liar

I need Maddie and Chimney to get back together I miss them

Ugh the fact that they are so good to each other even though they broke up

Oh no I'm so emotional over Buck saying Maddie raised him. They're so much I love them

Man the fact that May is asking Athena's advice about a big life decision shows how much their relationship has grown and that is really down to Athena working hard to give May the space to be her own person, I'm so proud of her for that

Aaah Hen did a great job saving that guy

Man, I've been thinking about how this show used to let them lose more people and how it's lost some of its zing when it always feels like everything is gonna be ok. But ugh I really did not want it to be this one!!

This is so sad oh no

Ugh the two younger girls excited about going in the fire engine but the older one knows

Oh i like this conversation between Eddie and May, the two of them bonding over the ways their lives have been changed by trauma

Heeee Hen and Karen doing extremely silly detective work together

Oh no Maddie and Chimney getting to celebrate a baby milestone together!!!

Oh jeeze seeing those kids walking on the hill together with their dad made me cry again

5x16

I fucking hate Claudette stealing the credit from May the worst

Aw Bobby. I love that you wanna protect May but please listen to Athena (and lol I can't believe she's the voice of reason in this)

Do not fucking "sweetie" her

Heeee Josh has a cruuuush

Oh the other guy likes him too I think

Yaaay I have missed seeing Eddie in action

Claudette is such a dick, with most of the characters even when they're not being their best selves I still love them but she makes it really hard. I hate the way she treats May.

"Today you're a guest in this house" "ugh, he's been waiting months to say that" lmfao

Oh man nothing better happen to Albert, jeeze, Chimney can't go through that again

Enjoying seeing Eddie and Buck being partners again

Jesus everyone's reliving the worst moments of their life huh?

Gosh what a lovely Bobby & May moment

"Wait, that's my dad" I'm gonna cry

Oh a beautiful Chimney and Albert moment too

Oof, yeah, Taylor has figured it out

Huh, and it seems like she's more worried about Buck than herself? That's a surprise

Oh no??? Claudette didn't make it?? That's so sad. I don't hate her less but I'm still sad about her dying.

Jonah's reaction was a bit weird but. honestly however someone processes that kind of thing, I feel like it's hard to say what's normal.

5x17

Oh, May. Of course you feel responsible but it wasn't your fault.

I love Chimney being very concerned about Hen's weird theory but ultimately believing her

Buck and Eddie screentime! They're being cute

A project from the MAYOR that was a way too enticing lie

Oh that is such a cute story about Eddie trying to drive his mum to the hospital

Oof it's no wonder this story is getting to Taylor though, someone whose job it is to save lives using their expertise to hurt them instead, that's gotta feel familiar with her family history

Jesus that is the most terrifying call please tell me Jonah doesn't have Hen's family

Oh NO the moment that Hen said he sounded jealous, I figured it out

Because I love Hen and Chimney's relationship so much, this set up is like crack to me

Oh thank goodness

Great unspoken communication guys you really pulled it off

Oh Buck is pissed at Taylor

Lol at Chimney and Hen both being like "whaaaat I'm fine"

"I'm all in, ride or die, just unhook me and help me find my pants" they're so good. I love their friendship so much.

5x18

Why is Bobby riding the ropes

Oh my god the cliff is going down

Jesus fuck that's not good

Oh Buck is feeling real betrayed by Taylor right now

Tiny human!!

Aw Chimney trying to be supportive of Maddie dating again but she just wants to go back to work

Urg God where did he get the hair

OH NO UGH the morgue??????

Aw my little boy and I are cuddling and watching our shows on our own devices but he keeps getting distracted and watching mine. it's just cute. And he's so good at cuddling I love him so much.

"When did you two kiss??" LOL BOBBY

Oh no the guy doesn't remember anything about his wife or the baby they're about to have

Wow, Taylor, "I'm sorry you're still upset about that" is soooo not an apology (I'm so happy she's going back to her douchebag roots)

Oh wow Buck ended things

Eddie checking in on Bobby T_T soft

Oh Bobby you should tell him you don't want to be alone right now. Even if he can't stay he would help you find someone who could

Ohhhh Bobby I'm so proud of you, and so happy that Eddie showed up right when you needed him

Aaah Hen and Karen surprise vow renewal!!

Oh my gosh and Nia's there too T_T

Man when Buck gave Taylor the homing beacon braclet I couldn't help thinking it would be a great story for him to have to find her after they broke up and now they have broken up I'm really hopeful they might actually do something with that

(I would give serious bonus points for it to be post a Buck+Eddie get together but I'm still not quite ready to hold my breath for that)

Eddie!! Eddie's back at the 118!! Finally

[bpbpskpskp]

the credibility of hogwarts house sortings comes down to 1. if the sorting hat has prophetic powers and 2. nature vs nurture

at 11, theyre just about hitting puberty and shit gets fucked with hornones and stuff. they could act in ooc ways, different to how they would normally. theyre also children, so they have no time to actually develop a personality. i havent been in the hp fandom for a bit, so my memories are a bit muddled, but i dont think childhood memories are very accurate in choosing where they should go.

some may be definite, like someone being exceedingly manipulative and sly as a kid becoming slytherin, or someone unafraid to speak up and defend others consistently bei by gryffindor. what about the general ones?

average smarts, not very ambitious, wont speak up for someone bring bullied or something. they dont fit in anywhere. where do they go?

it would be entirely based on their thoughts that very moment. that wouldnt be reliable in any way.

its true that theyd probably change to fit the stereotypes of their assigned house, but theres no way to know of its good or bad change unless the hat has prophetic powers and could see the persons future.

if the multiverse theory is true, that means the hat would have to review infinite different futures for that one person. they would practically never end, as the universes are affected by other people too. its impossible for the hat to choose based on that. thats too much.

and did i just forget that harry convinced the hat to put him in gryffindor? to be fair, trying to do that in itself is a gryffindor move, trying to reason with a weird mind reading hat. that would feel like an invasion of privacy, and very uncomfortable. harry was very ballsy.

the initial sorting process is reliable, but not very accurate in some cases, if it can be convinced so easily.

then, we don’t even know if they stay accurate. we’ve established that the hat probably can’t see the future and that eleven year old children arent fully developed.

the first thing that comes to mind are burnt out gifted kids in ravenclaw.

ravenclaws are there because they’re smart. that is the simple truth. but what if they experience burnout? their grades drop, they stop turning in homework, they skip. suddenly, the supposed ‘ravenclaw’ doesn’t exhibit any stereotypical ravenclaw traits. why are they still there? they could get resorted, but that’s never been mentioned in the books.

wouldnt it be embarrassing to go up to the hat like all the little firsties? watching the shoddily concealed disappointment in everyone’s eyes as they see a disgraced ravenclaw, unable to take the pressure that everyone else in their house could. there would always be something different about them, never fitting in with anybody else in their new house.

the house rivalries splitting friends apart, people who they’ve been with since the very start. there would be shame in their eyes, pitying gazes trailing then as they walk down the hall, not making eye contact with anybody.

its obvious that the teachers are not used to them being in that house. they stumble on roll call, almost asking where the formerly bright student would be, then they catch themselves. they do a double take when observing the class, wondering why they would be in the room.

omg wait i got so sidetracked. jkjk its 3am and im dying to write a fanfic but i know i don’t have the dedication so i guess it spilled here?

anyways it’s very likely that students would change to fit a different house over time. still, not as many would become the best version of themself if they weren’t confined to their house.

u know that one line in zootopia? ‘if the world is only going to see a fox as shifty and untrustworthy, there’s no point in being anything else.’ it was something along those lines.

the students would probably subconsciously try to fit in with the stereotypes for their house, therefore developing a personality that vaguely fits with what they’re ‘supposed to be like’.

sorting just stunts the students’ growth as people. it is unnecessary. they should be like middle schools where they give a house but it’s just a colour and they aren’t actually seperated like that unless it’s sports events. even so, nobody really cares about that.

dictating how people are going to live their entire lives by a few minutes wearing a hat is literally the worst way to have a future.

[confessions-of-a-duff]

So this is a post of what I’ve learned about managing like extreme menstrual pain so take it with a grain of salt but if nothings working for you here’s some stuff you can use without a prescription. If you have any other major health concerns talk to a pharmacist or your dr before using. (Seriously you only get two kidneys and 1 liver). Also just because they’re over the counter doesn’t mean you shouldn’t ask about interactions with ur other medications (seriously talk to a pharmacist, I promise they don’t bite and are generally very helpful and there’s no copay to see them. U don’t even need health insurance just ask them what they would recommend I promise it will be both safe and effective)

• ibuprofen or naproxen, these are both nsaids, do not take both! Ibuprofen is going to be no more than 12 200mg tablets in 24hrs, I prefer 3 tablets every 6 hours as I get better pain control with that. Do not use like this for more than 5 days! If you prefer naproxen it’s no more than 6 220mg tablets in 24 hours, generally 3 tablets twice a day. Do not take naproxen like this for more than 3 days!

• caffeine. Idk man I listened to a pharmacist on this one. Caffeine is an add on that can really improve overall pain management. Personally I drink some coffee or have like 1/2 a redbull. If u want to be more precise with it u can use a caffeine tablet. I have a very low tolerance for caffeine so adjust accordingly. Generally I use it in between doses to help extend the effective time of the other medications and managing breakthrough pain. It’s a key ingredient in midol and excedrin.

• Tylenol. This is another add on, it can help with pain management and also things like head aches and other things going on. I prefer 1 500mg tablet every 8 hours or 1 extra strength tablet. That said you can double up, but do not take more than 6 extra strength tablets in 24hrs. Do not take if using midol.

•antihistamines. It’s weird but allergy meds can actually help with menstrual cramping. Personally I only use it over night and tend towards Benadryl when I’m having difficulty managing it over night, see like night 1 and 2 of my period. But if it works really well for you can buy ceterizine and it is non drowsy and will give u a lot of the same effects. Also midol has antihistamines in it.

•heat. Look I know everyone says grab a hot water bottle or a heating pad but unfortunately they are correct. The uterus is a muscle and heat can help with everything that’s going on.

•Imodium. Won’t actually help with the cramps but mine come with other side effects like diarrhea. And you know what’s worse that just having menstrual cramps, shitting urself too. It works, but follow packet instructions on dosing and frequency. Personally I only ever need like 1 or two doses to get me through.

•avoid things like asprin and excedrin (yes even for that migraine). unless ur doctor has u on daily dose asprin avoid it and anything containing it as it can reduce clotting factors leading to more bleeding and more pain. Not only is cramping trying to get rid of things but also to tamp down any bleeding from the shedding. Don’t make its job harder. It will get revenge.

•scheduling. If ur like me and it’s always bad. And I mean always, start pain management at the first indication, it’s way easier to get ahead and stay ahead than to catch up. And once you start stick to a schedule. Do not fall into the trap of oh I feel fine so I’m going to stop. If ur normally in pain for 72hrs do this for 72 hrs and don’t stop until after. If u stop earlier and let it start getting a hold of u it will be twice as hard to get back to not feeling like youre are dying.

It may not completely resolve it but in my experience it makes shit way more tolerable. Obviously not a dr or a pharmacist so talk to those, especially if u don’t have insurance talk to a pharmacist. I promise you they may not be able to diagnose you but they can help you with symptom management using otcs, or if ur on a prescription for this and it’s not working they can recommend things to talk to your dr about.

As some one who has suspected both PCOS and endometriosis (yay for medical systems and insurance it’s only taken 10 years but I might finally get a diagnosis tho the drs are fighting) I promise I’ve been somewhere in the neighborhood of what you’ve got going on and it sucks ass and I won’t pretend it doesn’t. But I’ve also been in a position where I couldn’t afford to pursue care even with insurance. So, this is a list of things I used when I didn’t have access to more care.

Oh and I know otc birth control just became a thing, and if ur unable to see a dr it could be the right choice for u if u think u have endo. It’s estrogen free and could improve symptoms. (I don’t tolerate them but hey, give it a shot.)

[hekate1308]

Hushed, Dark, Familial A Drowley Advent Calendar December 18

Masterpost

He did tell Crowley that he would be busy, but not with what. Yeah, he did like the guy, perhaps a bit more than was advisable, but at the same time, he knew what he was and this was basically him going up against one of those evil things nature thought necessary to balance stuff out; so it was probably a good idea only to tell him when all was said and done.

He would understand, at least Dean liked to think so.

The problem was that he was basically finding no information. Oh, there was plenty, but it all seemed run-of-the-mill scare-your-children stuff, which of course had been very common at a time, to get them to stay inside after dark.

Somehow, he could not quite believe that he would have to deal with a big goat that just went crazy. Seemed a little bit… too easy. But neither could he imagine that the scariest monster he would ever see would tear through their neighbourhood looking for evil doers.

If that was the case, hell, would have made his job easier. He would just have camped at his boyfriend’s place, case closed.

(Not that he was… again, there were more important things to think about).

No, everything pointed to this being more the type that lurked in the shadows and waited, and that one could get very dangerous very quickly if one didn’t pay attention, and Dean had always prided himself at ebbing very good at his job.

There would be no luring people into the monster’s claws, nope, not while he was around. So he might not exactly know what they were vulnerable to, but he would take everything with him, just in case.

Really, he had been through much worse so what could possibly happen, anyway?

Not that he even asked himself that. He had learned not to do so. It was much safer not to. Never tempt fate, not when you were doing this sort of work.

And so, just as the last week before Christmas had begun, he packed Baby with everything he would need and went hunting one night.

Almost sounded like the beginning of a fairy tale, didn’t it.

Only that there would be no happily ever after but someone dying bloody, preferably the monster at Dean’s hands.

But then, the original fairy tale stuff had always been much darker than most people knew, anyway.

And so, he shouldered his duffle bag and started working his way through the shadows. Not ordinary shadows of course not, that would not have been normal in their part of the world, anyway. No, the kinds of shadows that lingered that made it hard to see or think, that could get you when you trend your back to them.

In short, the mind of shadows that ordinary people refused to believe in, but that Dean had learned to deal with early on. Everyone like him did. That or they ended up dead.

He realized how gloomy his thoughts were getting and very correctly described them to what he was doing at the moment. He was hunting a monster born out of imagination after all – its best bet was to trick your brain and make you vulnerable.

Alright, it was far from his first rodeo with that kind of thing, too. He just had to be careful because – well – there were some things in his noggin that had to do with their upbringing that were not exactly pleasant, let him leave it at that.

So, back to monster hunting like the professional he was it – was.

He had taken the EMR with him, of course. What kind of professional would he have been if he hadn’t?

And so, it didn’t take him long to find the palace where some really weird stuff seemed to concentrate at the moment, if the readings were anything to go by.

Dean Winchester was many things. He tried to be a decent guy, he was damn good at his job, and right now, he was sort of a demon’s lover, but he had not considered one thing.

And that was that the definition of evil per se might have changed over the centuries.

Mainly, that what he did on a regular basis would have been considered enough for him to be burned at the stake at the time when the Krampus had first blinked into existence.

And so, instead of him stalking the monster, as he had wished to do and as was his wont, he suddenly found himself thrown against his wall, a hand – no, claw – grabbing his throat, slowly cutting off the air so e could feel every second of it.

Red, glowing eyes and sharp teeth longer than any he had ever seen before.

He tried to get to the dagger he always carried at the back of his belt, but –

And then, a voice.

“Really if you consider this one evil, whatever are you going to do with me?”

[onmymasa22]

What makes someone the complete opposite of a perfectionist. Thats just my personality. I have so much fun with it. Because if its not fun, then im not gonna do it. I enjoy it. I have fun with. I like the process. I dont care about mistakes because its always fixable. The canvas takes away my inhibitions. Im not scared to speak up. And the canvas reacts to every single thing i do. Its the best listener.

Theres this one picture that sums up my childhood. For some reason i thought that a tutu goes on my head.

I want to make a garden for little me to play in. I want paintings of myself when i was little. Photographs black and white. Of members of my family as kids just being silly. A healing garden that feels like a hug. With trees and light and safety.

I want to ask women what their happy place is, where they feel calm.

What we planned: yah so im gonna walk over to the Mediterranean sea in greece from the airbnb with coffee, paints, silk, and just chill there painting the waves

Reality: heat on, bra off, covers undone, waterbottle filled, and watching gilmore girls.

U know whats interesting abkut food. If its not losher, its

Planned to sit at the beach... but were tired and cold. So we snuggle instead.

sit by the sea in greece with a cup of coffee and paint silk

Reality:

Im not always the "life of the party". I have moods. Sometimes a room revolves around me, sometimes i dont want it to, so im a quieter, sweeter version of myself. Not the entainer. I read a room, see what's needed. And sometimes i dont, because im exhausted. But the complements i live off of arent- "oh, i remember you from the party, u had so much energy, like a big ball of fire". My favorite compliments were "oh, i remember you, u were the nicest one there" at the bonfire. In my early 20s i was a dance till the sun came up kinda girl. But now, given the choice between dancing all night, or sitting next to the guy or girl looking at the fire and talk about life, or existentialism, or ideas. Id rather do that. No, im not gonna be or insert myself into every photo, thats just not me. Im the nice one. The one who will spend time making ppl feel like they're important, seen, like they are the most important thing in my world.

I work very hard to

U know a weird hobby? To see what jewelry people decide to wear on flights. Because most ppl dont want to pack it so going on a flight is kind of like a jewelry catelog where everyone's wearing their nicest stuff and i love that crap. Like ive always wanted a simcha spot but instead of a pic of the couple, a pic of the rings. Like did she get a lab diamond, a normal cut, a art deco vintage, something padt down in the family, who cares what her name is, i want carot.

I dont know what the deal is, but part of my journey is that i cry way more than i used to. I never used to cry about anything and would laugh at ppl who are so emotional about everything. And i guess one of the things about realizing how close you were to dying is that it makes you emotional. It makes me cry everytime i leave home, cry when my friends or family is in pain, cry from beautiful music, from tv shows, from movies, from a story. And not one two tears. We're talking the drowned rat look.

הי דליה, את יכולה להרשם. בטופס הרשמה פשוט תסמני מכללה אחרת ובהערות למטה תכתבי שאת לומדת באמונה ושאת דתלשית שמנסה לחזור. בהצלחה!

He insults. And insulting is the poorest argument. If an argument goes to name calling, they are weak, and the language of the poor

He speaks pooly. And i dont mean bad, i mean he speaks like a poor person. Because if a debater is at the point of insulting or name calling, then its obvious he doesnt have a good argument. Because smart people dont resort to name calling or insults, its below them. Smart people and not smart people show who they are by how they speak.

When someone and their followers speak like poor street people, i find them not suitable to run the country.

[perversioninhiscerebrum]

i enjoy my friends a lot but i refuse to accept the fact that they might enjoy me because if i can ignore they enjoy me then i can ignore the fact that i enjoy them! i don’t like feeling emotions for people because i rarely ever do in general and when i do they are rather strong and not necessarily middle-grounded. if someone enjoys me, i have no idea. there is only two people i know appreciate me. and i can accept that only because i appreciate them as well. if others appreciate me. i’m clueless. brain blank. i have no idea you love me or something, just letting you know! i believe my existence is meaningless to all of those around me and that makes me all giddy and shit to be fucking nothing. it’s like. perverted in a way how i feel about it. so when people tell me they care i don’t know how to feel because it is just, an unknowing feeling. (if you care though probably tell me so i don’t use you not caring about me as a reason to hate myself more (in a perverted hate kind of way) or something.)

my feelings towards myself are so strange. because on one hand, i have a raging savior and marytr complex from delusions i can’t get rid of to where i believe i am holy and all knowing, that i was put here for a greater purpose, that my existence in itself is one of an angels (or archangel specifically, though i understand this is an uncanny and ridiculous thought of importance.) i also have a horrible sense of self gain when it comes to most things, and normally only do things after i weigh out the pros itll do for me. i as well can tend to have severely narcissistic qualities and just all together care way to much about myself and how people perceive me as a person because if someone doesn’t like me i have to hold myself back from attempting to ruin their relationships with everyone they’ve ever known because i am that fucking stubborn about being liked. (probably comes from the religion thing.) i try to come off as nonviolent though i am seething with violent rage always as well, and have been willing to hurt people multiple times and frequently in the past.

while on other occasions (sometimes these occasions actually overlap somehow.) i see myself as a disgusting bug who deserves to we squashed, literally finding pleasure in the fact of being disgusting and deserving to die. i am a freak. the example i can attempt to derive from this is tomoko kuroki from watamote. though the example is loose. i think the idea kinda fits ignoring her weird ass shit with her brother and other stuff (reason why it’s loose, lolol.) . i am horribly obsessed with the idea of death and dying to where it can become what can be described as fetish-istic despite its reason not originating from that. a pervert, a freak, an incel, a loser, 4chan user, gore-blogger, the list goes on into eternity. i also have a intense fascination with military gear and firearms (this has lasted sense 1st grade.) the gore thing also is just deep into the loser freak category. can’t get enough of it???

uuhhhh to conclude this i’m not normal or some shit, i don’t know.

[asseater3k]

Metal Gear Mania Day 3

Game: MGS2

Major spoilers below the cut!

Today started with an unfortunate back to back case of forgotting to save I hadn’t saved the previous night after learning about the patriots and had to repeat the Nikita puzzle and acquisition before i went of to save Emma I did the Vamp boss fight and got to her and brought her back to the boss arena where I then accidentally cartwheeled into the death water and then accidentally pressed exit instead of continue so i had to repeat the boss fight and do the cool water level again. The E.E. Part of the game was welcomingly straight forward and simple after really getting blasted with patriot knowledge and especially in contrast of what’s to come I like Jennifer Hale in just about anything and she did a really good job here, enough to make me forget she was Naomi in the last game. She was charming enough though on a side not i found the conversations with with roses Mary weird at this point some of them make sense later and some of them didn’t I really didn’t like the one were she get jealous of Emma no real big judgment on the scene just made me uncomfortable as did a the serene where she’s dying and says stuff about her wanting otacon to see her as a woman and then otacon says he had affair with their mom both things I really want to gloss over. I did get pretty effected by Emmas death. A combo of seeing otacon just get totally ruined and myself being close with my siblings made me feel some type of way also final heroic gesture being ineffective or halted despite the effort they took always guts me in stuff since I was a kid and we got that with the computer virus, also The Fucking Handshake. Ive seen gifs of it before but when you hear the meta gear theme playing for the first time in the game and the emotions of the proceeding scene fresh it just hits in a such a way, and I think that might be the last normal cutscene in the game. The last like 40-50 minutes of this game is fucking insane. I talked earlier about the slow unraveling of threads and this point they take the spool and yank leaving you spinning. Revealing that Olga is Mr. X was pretty cool i dint see it coming but i also didn’t really think about Mr.Xs identity a lot and had zero theories still i really liked Olga by the end her kid being held by the patriots and her willing to get super own zoned because only raidens life signs needed to be up for her kid to survive was cool and I liked that it wasn’t like super overplayed and didn’t overstay its welcome. I like when a charter is like “oh I’ll for sure die to achieve my goals / save my friends” but is chill about it. The fucking Russian nesting doll of reveals on top of arsenal gear made me feel things I can’t articulate some combo of getting hype fro the reveal in terms of like narrative and gameplay execution and the first person bewilderment to match raidens. A while back my brother watched a documentary about Hawkeye a program used in tennis do determine out of bounds calls and some other stuff and he came back from it kinda shaken something about objective reality and perceptions of it or something I didnt get what he meant then. I think I do now. The last part of that game deals a lot with stuff about the self and personal identity and if we can really know anything about ourselves other or the world around us even though it leaves with an assertion that to an extent what we choose to believe and be is just as real as any objective truth, I really liked that the face of all these big uncertainties and questions from raiden snake just said “fuck that we are what we are our beliefs thoughts and actions subjective as they are make us people and people should and can do so much good if they put themselves to it”

The last things i want to talk about are how well done all the stuff with Campbell turning out to be an AI was and how the reveals of the s3 plan recontextualize the fucking design of the game. I talked at length yesterday about how effective Campbell is at creating this sense of unease in the early and middle parts of the game. I love scenes of layered flashbacks revealing stuff at the end of mystery stores and hearing Campbell acting goody towards the end and raiden saying how he realized he’d never met him in person gave me, the player on of those in real life every sitlted response every out of character action replayed in my head that was now also armed with the knowledge that the patriots have AI capabilities and I went nuts the best kind of mystery story telling lets you have these moments and similar things happened to my brain during the first s3 plan reveal. The fact that the game having a lot of similar set pieces moments and structure to the first went from an understandable if unremarkable product of making a sequel to making real diagetic sense and having a naritive purpose is insane. Ive never seen a game weaponize the fact that during gameplay you’re at some point going to see things as they which is to say designed by a person. That’s just a fact of the experience its not good or bad it just is but using that as a part of the story is geniuinly brilliant and some of the best example of something very uniquely suited to the medium

That’s about all I have I dont think i was able to put my feelings into words as well as i was yesterday but thats most likely cause so much of them are still very fresh and raw right now

If your able you should absolutely play MGS2 its one of the best games Ive played in a while and I’m so unbelievably excited to move on to

[timeoverload]

I don't know why I'm so emotional today. :( I woke up early because I had to get ready for my ultrasound appointment. It went fine but I won't have results until tomorrow or Monday. Hopefully they're normal so I don't have to worry about anything else right now.

Every day I drive by the house that I lived in from the time I was about 2 years old till I was 10. It's basically on the same street that I live on now. It's such a cute little house and I would like to go see it again if they ever put it up for sale again. I would love to live there again but the space wouldn't really be ideal anyway. I had a lot of good memories there. It's not very big but I don't really want a big house because it's a lot to take care of. I don't think I will ever be able to afford to own a house but I can dream. I think maybe I'm just feeling nostalgic right now. When I was driving home, I noticed they cut down my big tree that was in the front yard and it made me cry. I know it had a disease and was dying anyway. I remember when I was little I would sit by the front window and watch them trim it. I tried to climb it so many times but never made it to the top. It's so silly for me to get emotional about a tree. I guess it's just hard to see things change. I know that's just a part of life. I hope they will plant a new one in its place.

I'm going to try not to be sad today. I don't think the weather is helping because it's gloomy outside. I'm glad my meds that I take for bipolar disorder are working a little better now and they aren't making me feel so sick. I am feeling more like myself and more stable. I'm doing my best not to let anything get to me or trigger me.

I think I'm going to get some of my chores done today. My back is really bothering me but I'm going to do as much as I can. It's difficult for me to stay motivated but I will do my best. I don't know why I have such a tough time cleaning at home when I have no problem doing it at work. I guess I'm just tired all the time. I also have had problems with cleaning my own space since I was a kid. My parents know all about that. When I lived in my own place, I was a lot more organized so it's weird. I did have more room for stuff though. My goal is to be able to dust and vacuum in here by the end of the weekend because I really need to do that. I have to order some tools and shelves so I can organize my things better. I have 2 little closets but they are full of stuff already. I bought a net for all of my stuffed animals and I want to get them out of the way but I still want to be able to see them. I just haven't had a way to hang it up. I wish I had room for a desk so I could organize my papers and stuff better. I have a filing cabinet but I have to go through that too. I am just going to have to throw a lot of stuff away because I don't really have a choice right now. Sometimes I dread coming home because I hate looking at my mess. It hasn't always been this bad. Even though no one ever visits me, it would still be nice to be able to have people in here without feeling embarrassed. My dad got me a new ceiling fan for my room a long time ago and I can't use the one I have now because it's dangerous. It would be great to have it installed but it has been too messy in here. I hope I can get that done soon. I know I deserve to feel comfortable in my own room and I will feel better once it's done. I know I can do it.

I hope the rest of the day is good. I need to stay strong even when times get tough. I will keep trying to stay optimistic and happy no matter what happens.