#its so sad that ppl do that and have that mindset and end up so. emotionally constipated. and society does men the worst in that aspect

[strayheat]

looking at dads try not to cry is torture because.

if they don't you can tell Exactly how enormously much it took out of them to walk that thin line and not let it happen

and if they Do you know exactly how enormously much it is for them not to be able to hold it despite trying so hard

[blackwoolncrown]

the other thing about infant circumcision that pisses me off is the racism

bc when african tribal people practice removal of the labia minora or the clitoris we can all point fingers at how 'backwards' and 'barbaric' and unnecessary it is. They explain their beliefs about it and ppl are immediately aware that that shit makes no sense and it's sad and traumatic and unfair to change a child's body that way

but when it's done to men/ppl w dicks it's okay! It's fine! You can say stupid shit like 'it's cleaner' and no one clocks how little fucking sense that makes in a society where labia are all kept intact

I remember how as a late teen I ended up stumbling onto a forum full of men who were making support posts for grieving the loss of their foreskin, trying devices to stretch back what they had to 'replace' it, and just being fucking bummed about it.

Again- they didn't have the opportunity to consent. Which is the issue.

I fucking hate it as a practice I think it's horrible and it's so much worse the more you think and know about it.

I cannot unsee that it's the *nonconsenting* removal of a ***sensitive, protective*** apparatus of the penis. "You don't need this" they say. You're better without it. They literally remove its ability to cover itself, they take away where it withdraws. You're a man, you don't have the right. You must be exposed, you have to toughen up.

I know it's not exactly the same but inversely it reminds me of mindsets about the removal of labia minora and clitorii in girls. "Youre a girl, you don't need your own pleasure, your own will. Your job is to be neat, recessed, and to be penetrated. Nothing should stick out."

Again.... if we did this to girls everyone would be in an uproar! When they do it in Africa we all gasp and point fingers and shake our heads but if pale ppl do it in the west to boys its all good.

Might as well perform surgery on an infant's genitals instead of teaching them to bathe. Who cares.

[overflowchute]

it's kinda annoying bc it means i literally cannot be fucking normal abt anything competitive, or, hell, about anywhere my skill (or anything about me?) is judged by others. i hate thinking abt anything as competition bc if i see myself as a loser i get frothing mad at myself. also weirdly tied to gender sometimes in my head. i hate gender but i think society often tries to induce this kind of perspective as a male thing. nothing matters unless you're winning! sympathy is an excuse to not try harder! its very american

a really sad element ig is that i want to be non-binary really badly, i want to not even be human really badly, i want to be something else actually, bc i hate being judged and compared as i feel that i always always always am a failure as a human being and as a competitor. but a lot of the time bc i have this framework in my head, i intrinsically associate this frame with society's idea of how a man thinks or what a man's neuroses and failures are like, and combined w difficulty w my body and presentation i feel i will always be seen as a man

a lot of why i get fed up with aspects of manhood. i think that competition is a difficult road where you have to be winning in some regard. if you rly care abt competition you might take losses in stride but its bc you know you will win eventually later if you try. but i have this thing where i get so fed up holding back and constantly being a loser and a failure that i go thats it im trying now, and then when i fail when im really seriously trying, its really really difficult for me to recover from that mentally lol...

and idk this comes up in many many spheres of life. i'm simultaneously obsessed with competition and seemingly completely incapable of having a healthy relationship with it. for various reasons its almost impossible for me to consistently practice and work at a difficult task ...which makes me regularly unable to compete with anyone who cares enough or has the ability to do so, lol. doesnt matter if its games or an artistic field or a physical skill or whatever. and the worst bit is that i know that being upset and compary abt this is kinda pitiful

at the end of the day what this really speaks to is a lack of confidence, right? i think everyone else is better than me, i take failure as a sign i am valueless, i don't feel like if i try my best it'll have any impact on the results... i know that my perspective is wrong. but no matter how hard i try i just dont really have the mindset needed to be a winner and a grinder. i hate working desperately for something that isnt guaranteed. i often dont trust the kind words or positive assessments of other ppl, i only trust self-evidency

its a wild hell: i want to have a healthy relationship with competition, or trying, or anything really. but i can only prove to myself its worth it through solid achievements, which i consistently find im not very good at reaching. so i want to avoid it, and yet, im drawn to it. idk gender is a funny side element i brought up but its like. well everyone will see me as a guy and its not like i rly hate that hugely. but i hate being reduced to being the same as others, if im the same type of being as others i know i will always be worse in comparison

if i am a man then i am a complete failure of a man, and i hate the expectations of others. and so on and so on. i dislike living by any framework of what i should be that aligns me with others. but its also miserably alienating to be unable to like myself around other ppl

[33446699]

i feel like no one reslly has anyones back anymore, one small opinion or wrong thought can also lead to backlash. it feels like ppl dont really spend enough time comprehending whats being written nowadays and instead people just attack whoever online for whatever reason they feel like. rather than say doing agree to disagree and moving on i notice a lot of ppl hold onto that personal offence that someones done and really uses it against whoever they are trying to bring down.

i do totally think its at fault of the internet existing albiet there was bullying and such in schools before internet but it feels worse online than it does in person? cause u cant see them face to face so ppl hiding on their profiles and whatnot and these days so many ppl really want an audience so badly until they get trashed for some behaviours they did or named and shamed for something or other. its ridiculous that ppl have normalised it as well. ie: tiktok being most of this faux celebrities status that they dont really have but even so if they have a huge following its really sad that so much drama has to always surround these platforms makes me often repules to look at all of it cause of how childish its got over recent years. ppl are far too addicted to the dopamine and online arguments.

i also end up being put off by much if its always the same narrative that ppl stick too because they dont want to accept let alone consider someone elses pov and even if a joke is just a joke even those become a personal offence that someone takes the wrong way. weve lost our marbles a bit eh? if they want to be rude and childish go ahead imma leave.

I think bullying is not really related to internet you know it's like the trashy personality of the people or the person who do so .I have seen bullying in real life too and its is really horrible in most of the cases much worse than online bullying . Internet in some cases put a certain limit to how much they can bully someone.About internet giving platform its more so like , people with similar mindsets gather and do this thing 🫤 people who attack for random reasons can have anger issues or maybe insecurities we never know and yeah ,there are such platforms which feel like tolerance is less like twitter etc

To be honest,if someone do you wrong moving on is mature in most of cases ,leave it to the universe,God whoever you believe and they will get their karma but people who hold grudge I can understand why they do this how much they suffered or what they had to go through .I don't use Tiktok enough but yeah ,if any content creator is doing questionable things for attention followers than ignore them ,I do this and thats the way to protect your peace of mind .

If someone doesn't want to(not when they do try to understand ) understand the other pov and is acting childish then yeah there is no need to explain . Honestly yeah ,sadly people do crave dopamine rush and that online arguements and I immediately skip those content creators content .

[velvetstreets]

https://www.tumblr.com/velvetstreets/750935310625538048/out-of-curiosity-why-how-did-you-move-on-from

Thank for answering this, I really appreciate it!! I’m still in my obsessed with Jack era so I need to hear what helped other ppl move out of it lol I need to not be so obsessed with him 😫

Can you pls elaborate on the things he said, shared or did that gave you childish vibes? And anything else that helped you stop being obsessed with him plsss? 🙏🏼 I need help lol

Thank you soooo much! I appreciate it and respect your opinion. Hope you’re having a great day!

LMAOO no worries 🫶🫶 hahah it’s okay to be in the obsessed era! I was there for a long time

🚨warning for mutuals, Jack Harlow criticism under the cut, read at your own will! 🚨

I don’t know if I can really pinpoint the childish vibes, just the way he tends to avoid talking about serious topics (in person/interviews) and turns to humor (which isn’t totally a bad thing, he likes to keep the vibes light which I get and it’s an attractive trait) but idk his team/a lot of the people he keeps around him are……… not good people lol

He’s very big on keeping the same circle/bringing people with him up on his success journey, big on loyalty- but like… sometimes it’s good to move on from people in your life. Especially when some of those people are just bad. KY Engineering (one of his close producers) and Nemo his creative advisor have previously stated horrible misogynistic takes on Black women several times, and their attitude towards women in general are…………….. yeah

And for someone like Jack who loves to boast about how much he loves and respects women it… yeah! Idk he often gives me a vibe of his morals are in the right place but he’s not one to correct his homeboys publicly at the end of the day- especially if there are no women present.

(This part isn’t childish, more just sad and upsetting) He also continuously told the story of how he lost his virginity during his last tour which was so horrible bc it was clear the girl he lost it to groomed him :(((( and he/the people around him don’t see that/understand that because its common as a man to be proud that you “bagged” an older girl and it’s like…. Baby lemme hold ur hand and tell you no it’s not…

And he spoke on the Megan the Stallion/Tory L*nez incident and didn’t remove Tory off his song unlike other (female) artists, saying he didn’t feel like it was his place to speak on Tory’s actions, but hoped that Megan was doing okay which was so???????????????????? Like I don’t understand how you can acknowledge she was shot and say that you know you’re a good person and have integrity but then keep her abuser and the man that tried to kill her on your song…. The math is not mathing!!!!!

I just… he has some evolving and learning and growing up to do, and I felt like me personally I fell out of love w him bc we’re the same age and I couldn’t understand how he was not consciously on the same wavelength in terms of mentality ya know :/

I still think he’s a good rapper and makes good music, and I think he’s continuing to evolve mentally (his 3rd album showed more of that), and I don’t believe he’s a bad person at his core, but the lack of action/opinion in certain areas just made me wake up and was like oh i don’t love him like that anymore

But also he’s a white man from Kentucky so I shouldn’t have expected much from him in the first place lmao that’s my fault!

(as a black woman w academic parents and from a socialist environment I forget that people… don’t have/grow up with the same mindset? And then that makes itself known and I get shook lmao)

(P.S. I don’t blame or judge others for liking him still!! His aura is very charming and likable I completely understand, I just personally lost interest in him that way)

[jihyoruri]

never thought I'd see the day Id do a wowyn analysis... Keep in mind its been a second since I reread all the wowyn works😭

Id like to preface this by saying I do not have a very good grasp on wowyn as a character- I am not entirely sure how you guys view her but I've said this before.. I think wowyn is truly a very sad person. maybe she's not sad emotionally but the way she views things and acts at certain points makes me... I don't know. she does some shit that annoys me 😭I don't view her as a baby or something like that.. she's clearly the "cool" one in the group lmao😭

I'll be focusing on wonyn, and chaeyn for this..

wowyn clearly is uncomfortable with being "known" per se. When she starts to really like someone, she immediately distances herself. I can't tell if it's because she's afraid of getting hurt, or just because her issues with her dad gave her an avoidant attachment style..

I'm not completely sure what happened with her father, and why she's like this now..

wowyn is nonchalant with chaewon. From what we've read, chaewon has started to like(?) wowyn, and finds her cool. I don't think wowyn has started to like chaewon yet, and if she has.. damn😭

I can't tell if wowyn Is avoidant of vulnerability at all, because it seems she keeps up this cool and unaffected front so she doesn't show emotions she doesnt want other people seeing. Shes clearly scared/uncomfortable to love someone(?) because, as you said, she realized she liked minjeong so she broke up with her.

wonyn.. It brings me a sort of satisfaction to know that wowyn will end up with chaewon and not wonyoung. the idea that someone will always come back to you, and that they'll always want you, so you just expect them to ?? chase after you?? rubs me the wrong way. I hope that wowyn will at one point get over wonyoung and actually like chaewon more (even though it seems impossible) cause its CRAZY wonyoung thinks chaewon is delusional (it's not crazy she lowk is)

If she DOESNT get over wonyoung... I feel bad for chaewon. knowing that you'll always be second place SUCKS.

I don't know what made wowyn so attached to wonyoung in the first place, but I'll guess they met when they were a bit younger because the wowyn now seems like she doesn't let people in like that anymore..

In conclusion I do not understand wowyn at all. I know she has an avoidant attachment style and clear vulnerability issues from something with her dad... but fundamentally I find her sad. I can't tell if she wants to be understood and wants people to know her, but she's scared, or she doesn't at all because she's scared, or she doesn't care and I'm reading it wrong?? wowyn seems like the person that never lets people too close, always with a suitcase in hand (metaphorically) ready to leave when she realizes "this person knows me". I mean in that one ask "aeri knows too much about wowyn to date her" or something along those lines.. does she not want to be known, or does she secretly want it?? I don't know.

I'm glad she'll be with chaewon in the end, but I hope she gets a therapist because if I was chaewon's friend I'd be like.. don't go for someone so painfully emotionally unavailable 😭

(this might be all wrong, I literally don't understand wowyn she has such an insane mindset to me. im ace so ig I've just never had a crush that has me always coming back to them like this?? I don't know man wowyn is confusing to me. the way people act like her stans here scares me cuz what if I get jumped but... wowyn isn't a monolith.. she's cool on stage but her mental state is definitely... a whole trip.. pathetic isn't the right word but I've said sad so many times.. like her mindset and actions just make me frown I kind of pity her???)

-🎏

it kinda makes me smile when you say that she don’t understand wow!yn cause that means that I did what I wanted to do with her she’s rlly complex like I want people to have a hard time understanding her, like every time ppl try to analyze her they’re completely wrong and it makes me giggle LMAOOOO

you always seem to go back to wow!yn chasing and always going back to wonyoung 😭 and I feel like I’ve said this before but wow!yn doesn’t have some crazy crush on wonyoung she USED to but she doesn’t it’s just wony is that person always in the back of her mind who she find comfort in because she’s someone who yn is so close with it’s not a situation where it’s like omg I love you so much I can’t get over yo, it was never that yn knows her and wony aren’t going to work out I’ve said that before like that’s something that’s something that yn isn’t even waiting for. Honestly I want to know what actions of hers annoy you because from what I’ve written wow!yn is just so chill and nonchalant like you guys she haven’t seen her make any decisions yet besides breaking up with winter.

[rose-tinted-juls]

omg ma&thp is back!!! i'm so exciteeed you don't even understand. nothing makes me happier than new chris content really, i live for it.

1. "her internal clock is so royally screwed up that it's not even funny." a new fave relatable quote by queen mack herself that goes on my wall. it just describes me perfectly. and it's funny. what else do you need?

2. that whole paragraph of chris watching her family with a more outsider type view to see how charles would see them and noticing all the flaws about everyone and worrying how it will be for charles to spend a night this crazy group of ppl lmao (it's also very relatable, i'd do the same) + "hannah is truly the only normal one in the bunch, but clearly something is wrong with her, too, if she's deciding to marry into this mess." this deserves its own mention bc i just found it too funny

3. "he just sucked your blood" OMG NOOO CINDY YOU DID NOT THIS IS PHENOMENAL. nothing escapes a mother's eyes, for real.

4. joris spilling the tea to the friendgroup LMAO you have no mercy j

5. charles and the "he hates this kind of paranoia" line. poor boy. this just made me sad really. how it must be to live as charles, jeez i can't even imagine. always having to look out for ppl whou could watch or listen to you...

6. the parallel of chris and charles both correcting someone how it's more like a quarter of the globe that's separating the two of them <333 + also later the part where charles corrects chris herself. *chefs kiss*

7. it's honestly just so cute how charles gets all frustrated and worried when that pic appears online. like i get it, charles, but it's only the back of her head, it's not the end of the world. and it's not like you couldn't have expected this to happen at some point really

8. "...the fact that he gives so much of his time to strangers, over and over again he maintains the mindset that it costs him nothing to give them some of his time. at the realisation that no matter how much he gives them, they will always, always feel entitled tovtaking what he tries to keep. it will never be enough for them." you put it gorgeously mack. just. so perfect. ugh. this is SO REAL. SO TRUE. this is exactly how life must feel for him, for these ppl. and it's awful and heartbreaking. but you phrased it perfectly, thank you.

9. " 'hi,' he repeats, this time harder, calmer. everything is fine." <33 + the way charles just shoos joris out of the booth. i pictured it in my head and it was just so funny

10. "it's my fault, i should have acted different." - "don't do that. you were just being... just existing. you're allowed to exist. i'm sorry that anyone feels entitled to your existence." EXACTLY. THIS. AMEN. this is what i always say when i see all the stupid shit online, ppl just prying into charles' life, anyone's life.

11. "god, she csn be so annoying sometimes; has to go and make all this sense all the time, makes all his nondescript word-scramble of thought feel simple and linear. she does it so easily, understands him with infuriating ease."

12. when chris asks back "are you okay?" bc charles is just so insistent on repeating that question

13. charles wanting to be able to protect chris 😭😭😭 catch me sobbing like for real (the bar is so low it's ridiculous) + that whole frustrated monologue of his <333 poor baby

oh mack this might be a short one but it's just as perfect. i'm in love. with chris, with charles, with ma&thp, with you. like. adore adore adore. and admire. <333

miss americana & the heartbreak prince

—06. Quarter of the Way —word count: 5.2k —warnings: none :) love, mackie... hiii guys!!! thank you for bearing with me while I sorted all of this out. my life is so crazy busy right now, and I have a weird outlining-rule that really restricted me from getting to bust this chapter out. it's a short one, and a lot of set up for the next chapter which WILL be coming soon.

The heads of the Elliott family tree—Bill, and his brothers Ernie and Dan—will tell you that what the Elliott’s do best is racing. If you ask the necks of the Elliott family tree—the ones who turn the heads; Cindy, Tammy, and Susan—they would argue that there is nothing quite like an Elliott family holiday. 

Chris is late, pulls onto the property an hour and a half after the start time posted in the massive family group-chat. She makes her own parking spot, like half of the family, since the driveway is well-filled. If her tally is correct, there are at least thirty people inside her family’s house right now. Or, at least thirty people somewhere on the property. 

She hauls her way inside with a hot crock-pot of mashed potatoes, which is the reason she was late in the first place. Her internal clock is so royally screwed up that it’s not even funny. She maneuvers her way through the herds of aunts, uncles, and cousins until she finally makes it into the kitchen. 

“Chrissy, you’re late, baby girl,” Cindy greets her daughter with a kiss on her temple, takes the crockpot from her arms and heaves it up onto the countertop.

“I know, I know,” Chris sighs, already starting to take off her coat. November in Georgia is not coat-worthy weather, but Chris is always cold, always. Sixty-five with a breeze does nothing for her. 

Hannah appears, seemingly out of nowhere, and drops a full wine glass into Chris’ hand. “Did you go tanning?” Hannah asks, picking up her best-friend’s arm to examine her skin tone in the light. “You’re glowing.”

Chris shakes her head and takes a big sip of her wine. “No, but, uh,” she chuckles. “I have a lot to tell you.”

Hannah scowls. “Good, bad, or in between?”

Chris smiles, gets that silly little warm and fuzzy feeling in her chest. The one she always seems to get when she thinks about him. Oh, when she thinks about him. It’s disgusting. “Good. Really, really good,” she says, takes another sip of wine and leans over to whisper into Hannah’s ear. “I’m seeing someone.”

“Do they work at a tanning salon?”

Chris laughs, whispers a “Shut up,” through gritted teeth. 

“Let’s go outside. Debrief on the swings?”

They sneak out the back door without being noticed by Cindy, who would undoubtedly have a long list of dinner-prep tasks for them if they stuck around for a moment longer. Wine glasses in tow, they make the journey across the porch, down the stairs, and to the back trail on the property, Chris greeting each family member as she walks past them. They’re all gathered around in the open yard, some playing cornhole, others positioned around the firepit, beers in hand, football game on the radio. Chase, who is playing catch with Reid and some cousins, warns of other family members out on the trails on the ATVs, tells the girls to be careful. 

As soon as they reach the cover of the trees, Chris is telling Hannah everything. Everything. She tells her about Austin, about how she met a guy who was just too charming to not get her number. About every nervous text and hours long FaceTime call and every picture and every conversation. She tells her about how crazy she feels, how insane she felt agreeing to fly across the world— “Wait,” Hannah questions. “You flew across the world?”

“Well, yeah. He’s not from here.”

“Where is he from?” Hannah takes a sip of wine. 

“Uhm,” she hesitates because she hasn’t dropped the big-bomb yet. “The south of France.”

“Mmm,” Hannah hums against the lip of her glass. “Tan mystery is solved.”

“Yeah,” Chris nods. “Anyways,”—She tells her about how she met his family, how they were nothing but sweet and inclusive and kind to her, even though she was surprised by half of them and looked like she’d just rolled out of a dumpster. She tells her about how they slept together, a few times, and how he pretended not to have every minute of their time planned. 

“So, he was good?” Hannah smiles. Chris blushes into her wine glass, ears hot, cheeks hotter. “Oh,” Hannah laughs. “He was good-good.”

“I hate to give a man the satisfaction, but,” Chris giggles, “but,” she shrugs, doesn’t elaborate more on the topic. Her teenaged giggles and pink cheeks are more than enough for the dots to be connected, she’s sure. 

Chris keeps going, telling Hannah about how she’s pretty sure he put off work to spend more time with her, and how she totally cried while they watched a movie and how he was totally freaked out by it, but in a good way? In a he-asked-me-to-be-his-girlfriend way. And then, after all that, Chris asks the burning question: “I know the RSVP date for me to have a plus-one was last month, but… is there any chance I can bring one?”

“For you? There’s room for a plus-million. I’d let you get engaged at my wedding if you wanted to—”

“I would never do that to you,” Chris assures. 

Hannah nods. “Honestly, he sounds really sweet, I don’t know why you hid this from me?”

“Because,” and here comes the big one, the answer to the question she’d been dreading, the one thing about Charles she’d been dodging like the plague, “he’s not just a guy I met at COTA.”

Hannah stops dead in her tracks. Chris turns fully to face her best-friend’s apprehensive face. “Don’t tell me what I think you’re about to—”

“He’s a driver.”

“Chris!” Hannah groans. “Why do you tell me these things? Now I have to choose between protecting you and telling my fiance everything.”

Chris’ stomach drops. The thought of Chase finding out from Hannah, but especially finding out tonight, is the worst-case scenario. She has to plan out how she’s going to do it, to break the news. “You can’t tell Chase.”

Hannah shakes her head, downs what’s left of her wine. “He’s gonna fuckin’ kill you.”

“I know, just.” Chris sighs. “Please. Don’t tell him. Let me tell everyone.”

Hannah scowls, gestures dramatically. “You make my life so hard, y’know?”

Chris nods, winces when she asks:  “But he can come to the wedding?”

“He can come to the wedding,” Hannah agrees, “as long as you tell Chase about him before his birthday.” 

Chase’s birthday is four days from now. Four days. She can handle that, right? Four days is a lifetime, she can totally do that. It’s not like their little rule was ever all that real, anyways. She didn’t grow up under a roof where it was forbidden for her to be with a racing driver. It was always more… Bill knew the type. Bill was the type, and he didn’t want that life for his little girl. And Chase, well. Chase didn’t want his kid sister around any more than she needed to be, and that included her fraternizing with his friends, or worse, with the enemy. She can one-hundred-percent well up the courage to take his grilling. 

“Just,” Hannah hesitates. “Are you sure about him?”

“What do you mean?” Chris questions, confused. 

“You love hard, is all,” She elaborates. “You put up with a lot of shit, I think. Stuff that you shouldn’t have to because you think you’ve found your soulmate. I just, I want you to be careful that you aren’t blowing your savings flying to Europe all the time for a guy who doesn’t love you like you love him.”

“I don’t love him,” Chris is quick to quip back. 

“Yeah, but you will.” 

Chris rolls her eyes. “Also, I didn’t pay for my flights.”

“Oh?” Hannah laughs. “So you’re a sugar baby?”

Chris slaps her shoulder, bursts out laughing. “You know that’s what I thought the entire flight to see him?”

– – –

Bill leads grace around the head table, and the entire meal, Chris is acutely aware of every single family member. Of all their undesirable habits and questionable conversation topics. All of these people are going to be at Chase and Hannah’s wedding, and in a few weeks, Charles is going to be interacting with them all on his own. She’ll be too busy to be a buffer the entire time, and suddenly she feels like she’s throwing him to the sharks. 

She’s never seen her family in such an unsavory light, and suddenly there are a million little flaws about everyone. Cindy is a gossip, and Bill’s accent is so thick that sometimes even Chris just smiles and nods. Chandler is half-absent, and when she is present, she’s a skunk with expensive perfume, always acts like she’s better than everyone else, more important. She has a 24/7 stick up her rear, especially if her girlfriend is with her. Chase is oblivious to his surroundings, has the attention span of a third-grader and eats like a wild animal. Reid, he’s a wildcard—just last spring he was sent home from school because he wouldn’t stop biting kids on the playground. He’s sitting at the kids table right now with nothing but rolls and corn and has his sticky little iPad in his lap. He’s feral, practically. Hannah is truly the only normal one in the bunch, but clearly something is wrong with her, too, if she’s deciding to marry into this mess. 

After dinner, Hannah, Chris, Chandler, and Cindy are all on clean up duty, and as an act of sick, sick revenge, Hannah spills the beans on Chris’ relationship status. They’re all able to move past it after Cindy has collected herself—she’s very, very upset that Chris didn’t tell anyone she was leaving the country. Very upset. She almost cries over the sink of dirty china. 

“You two will get along, Mama,” Chris tries to comfort her mother. “He’s also mad that I didn’t tell anyone.”

“Well,” Cindy starts, shoveling leftover mashed potatoes into takeaway boxes. “At least one of you has some sense. He could have murdered you.”

“He could’ve,” Chris nods. “He didn’t, though.”

“No,” Cindy chuckles to herself. “He just sucked your blood,” she says, taps her finger gently on Chris’ neck, on the caked-on foundation and concealer and color correctors. Chris looks at her with wide eyes. “Your foundation is the wrong shade, hun.”

Hannah and Chandler burst out laughing, but Chris is still shocked. “You knew!?” She squeals.

“I knew you were… having fun with someone—”

“Mom!” Chris blushes with embarrassment. 

“I didn’t know he was a…” she lowers her voice to a whisper, “racing driver. Or that he lived halfway around the world.”

Chris nods. “It’s more like a quarter, really,” she quips. 

“Christyn Claire,” Cindy warns, and Chris instinctively straightens, quickly finds a task to busy herself with. 

“Yup.”

After dinner clean-up, the girls finally join the rest of the family outside. It’s a cool night, chilly almost, but the bonfire takes the nip out of the cold. Reid and his cousins are running around the yard like little maniacs playing flashlight tag, filling the background with giggles and hollers and the occasional scream that elicits the attention of all the parents when it’s not followed by belly laughs. 

Chase is hunched over the fire, carefully roasting a marshmallow at the request of Hannah, who “could really go for a s’more right now.” For a moment, calmed by the ambiance of the fire and the lull of busy conversations, Chris considers telling him right now, around the extended family where he can’t cause a scene. He’d probably still manage to make one, she thinks, and instead kicks in the back of his knee when he stands up.

“You’re so whipped,” she teases. 

Across the fire, Cindy snaps: “Chris, be nice to your brother.”

“Yeah, Chris,” Chase mocks. “Be nice to your brother.”

“Alors qu’est-ce qui se passe avec cette fille, mec” So, what’s up with this girl, Mate? Joris asks, and everyone at the table’s ears perk up. 

Charles is having lunch with his friends, the whole group—Joris, Hugo, Thomas, Nico, Ricky, and Guizou. Charles rolls his eyes, glares at Joris from across the table. “C'était censé être privé,” That was meant to be private, he says, but it’s too late. 

“Attends, quelle fille?” Wait, what girl? Ricky asks, and Joris giggles like a little girl. 

“Ce n’est rien,” It’s nothing, Charles mumbles, takes a drink of his water and tries to glare so hard into the waitress’s head that she magically spawns at the table to take their order, that she shuts his friends up before they get to talking about Chris. 

It’s not that he’s embarrassed. God, no. Not even sort of. But, people are always listening, always watching. He knows this, and he knows that when they’re all together like this, he and his friends are anything but quiet and subtle. 

“‘Ce n'est rien’, dit-il, puis se promène dans la ville avec sa petite amie,” It's nothing,’ he says, and then walks around town with his girlfriend, Joris says, because the fact that Charles has suddenly gotten shy only eggs him on to keep talking. 

“Oh! Oui! Est-ce la fille avec qui je t'ai vu sur Twitter?” Oh! Yes! Is this the girl I saw you with on Twitter? Guizou asks, and Charles nods, scanning the room carefully. 

“Mec, tu as une nouvelle petite amie? Depuis quand?” Dude, you have a new girlfriend? Since when? Hugo chimes in, shoves Charles’ shoulder playfully. 

“Depuis qu'il la présente à Pascale,” Since he’s introducing her to Pascale, Joris adds. Charles wonders, momentarily, if it’s too late for him to pick a new childhood best friend, to dethrone Joris from this role forever. 

“A ta maman ?? Charlie espèce de mec ! Pourquoi n'avons-nous pas entendu parler d'elle?” To your Mom?? Charlie you dawg! Guizou giggles like a child on the playground. Why haven’t we heard about her?

“Je ne veux pas que ce soit un gros problème.” I don’t want it to be a big deal, Charles mutters, crossing his arms over his chest and leaning back in his seat. He looks around the room quick and inconspicuously, eyes scanning for anyone looking, anyone listening. He doesn’t see anyone, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t someone. He hates this kind of paranoia. 

“Tu n'aurais pas dû l'amener ici, alors. La course était assez risquée.” You shouldn’t have brought her here, then. The race was risky enough, Joris argues.

“Elle n'était pas à la course!” She was NOT at the race! Thomas laughs, hunched over the table so far he almost knocks over his glass of water. Charles thinks his friends are having far too much fun with this new revelation regarding his relationship status. 

He nods, though, “Elle était.” She was.

“Est-elle apprécié?” Is she cool? Riccardo asks. 

Charles nods and all he can imagine is the horrified look on Chris’ face when he tells her about this the next time they talk. She’s going to freak out, he knows it, and ask him to go over every detail a million and one times. He’ll do it, too, without a complaint. “Elle est très apprécié.” She’s very cool.

“Elle vit en Amérique. Géorgie.” She lives in America. Georgia, Joris adds again, because he really can’t stop himself, no matter how obvious Charles makes it that he doesn’t want to fucking talk about it. 

Hugo scowls. “Comment est-ce?” What’s that like?

Charles shrugs. “Je ne sais pas. Je vais au mariage de son frère dans quelques semaines.” I don’t know. I’m going to her brother’s wedding in a couple weeks. He hasn’t really had the time to fully understand the implications of the four thousand, seven hundred miles between him and his girlfriend just yet. It felt too sweet, too pure, too good to be true until she was standing in front of him again, and it’s only been a few days since he kissed her goodbye. 

“Oh? Rencontrer la famille?” Oh? Nico questions, sly smile on his face. Meeting the family?

“Elle a rencontré le sien!” She met his! Riccardo chimes. 

Nico nods. “Ils vont te détester.” They’re gonna hate you.

“Copain!?” Mate!? Charles exclaims, a laugh forcing its way out of his lips. He knows his friends are just fucking with him, but. Still. Damn, give the guy a break. 

“Je veux dire, tu vis de l'autre côté du globe. Les mamans n'aiment pas ça.” I mean, you live on the other side of the globe, Hugo argues, Moms don’t like that. 

“C'est plutôt un quart du globe.” It’s more like a quarter of the globe, Charles is quick to correct. 

“Est-ce une distinction que vous pensez que ses parents font?” Is that a distinction you think her parents are making? Guizou forces Charles to wonder. He supposes that it doesn’t really matter what distinction her parents are making, it really only matters what she thinks. 

“Ne vous mettez pas dans sa tête, les gars. Il ira bien, c'est de Charles dont nous parlons.” Don’t get in his head, guys, Joris says, finally bringing some sense to the conversation. Cleaning up the mess he’d made.  He’s gonna be fine, this is Charles we’re talking about.

Four days really flies by when you’re avoiding having a conversation with your older brother. Chase’s birthday dinner has come and nearly gone. Reid is already in bed, and Bill and Cindy have long headed home, so only the trio of terror remains. It is quite literally Chris’ last chance to tell Chase about Charles, and she has to. She can’t chicken out, because she’d already told Charles to buy his plane tickets. 

The moment creates itself when Hannah is ushering Reid back to bed for the fourth time in the last hour, because if there is one thing Reid got from his mother, it’s his FOMO. Her departure leaves Chris alone in the kitchen with her brother, who is begrudgingly washing dishes from his own birthday dinner. 

Chris hoists herself up onto the counter of the kitchen island, laying down so her back is spread over the cool marble and her eyes are fixed on the crown molding, half-blinded by the pendant lights that hang over the island. 

“I have to talk to you,” she says. “I’ve been meaning to tell you…” she trails off. It’s her last opportunity to chicken out of telling him, and she knows it. “I’m uh, I’m bringing someone to your wedding. A boy.”

“A boyyyy?” Chase teases, but Chris doesn’t laugh. She’s too busy freaking out. 

“A boy.”

“Who is this boy?” He asks. “Do I know him?”

“You might,” Hannah chimes in, rounding the corner from putting Reid in his straight jacket and locking him in the closet, or something not at all similar. 

“Huh?”

“Nothing,” Chris says. “You don’t know him. And uh,” there really isn’t any way to do it but to just rip off the bandaid. “He… drivescarsforaliving.”

“Hmm?” Chase hums. 

“Hedrivescarsforaliving,” Chris repeats, somehow quicker this time than the first. Chase turns around from the sink, soaped-up scrub-daddy still in his hand, and scowls before turning to Hannah.

“Do you hear her?” Hannah shrugs. “What the fuck is she saying?”

Chris takes a deep breath and sits up. Chase rolls his eyes like he doesn’t have time for all these dramatics. “He races.”

“Oh. Stock car?” Chris shakes her head. “Indy?”

“Formula One.”

The gears start spinning in her brother’s brain, his eyes darting between Chris and Hannah like he’s waiting for them to say it’s all a big joke, to burst out laughing. Neither of them do. “F1?” He goads. Chris and Hannah both nod. “What the fuck?” he laughs. “Who?”

“Charles Leclerc.”

“You’re shitting me.” She shakes her head again, awkwardly maneuvers to grab her phone from her back pocket and pulls up a picture of her and Charles on the plane back on the way from Abu Dhabi to Monaco. Charles’ second-place trophy is sat on the floor between his legs, and he’s got his arm around her, the biggest, dumbest smiles on both of their faces. You’d think they had known each other forever, how comfortable they look. “This is fucking crazy.”

“Why aren’t you mad?” She asks, tucking her phone back into her pocket. 

“Why would I give a fuck who you sleep with?” He laughs. “Just let me know if I need to kill him, or something.”

It’s not until he’s well into post-season testing at Maranello, nearly half-way through December that it really sinks in for him just how hard the long-distance thing is going to be. He’s sitting at dinner with Andrea and Joris when his phone vibrates in his pocket. He’s come to memorize the different notifications, and he’s certain this one is a text. He hopes it’s from her. 

It’s not. It’s a Whatsapp notification from the PR groupchat Mia and Slyvia have him in. Charles, hai una ragazza? Do you have a girlfriend, it reads. He blinks at the screen a few times like the message might disappear. It’s not the first time he’s gotten it, the ominous relationship from two people who, as much as he respects Mia and Sylvia, don’t need to know every detail of his dating life. Or any detail, really. 

He knows she wouldn’t be asking him if people weren’t asking her, though, which means there’s a rumor stirring somewhere. 

He opens Twitter first, searches his name and Chris’ name into the search bar. Full names, nicknames, first names only, last names only. Every search comes up with a load of nothing. There’s a sigh of relief, and then he searches just his name, plus girlfriend. Bingo. 

The original tweet, a screenshot of a TikTok, a picture of the two of them walking down the street. It knots his stomach, drops it straight to his feet. Suddenly, he’s not at all hungry for the meal in front of him. Instead, he thinks he’s going to have to fight to keep it down. 

There are probably two hundred, three hundred tweets about him and his quote–en-quote girlfriend. From trying to figure out who she is by searching through his following on Instagram to arguing about if it’s an invasion of privacy or not, with every comment about his ex-girlfriend’s and comparing them to the back of Chris’ head in the middle. It’s a disaster, he thinks, but at least nobody can come up with a name. 

Charles texts Chris before he replies to the team. Don’t freak. There’s a picture of you and I on… everything. No faces. You can call me if you want. And then to Mia and Sylvia, sure do.

Can I call you? Mia replies. 

No.

He’s mad. Fuming, almost. At the invasion of privacy, at the fact that he gives so much of his time to strangers, over and over again he maintains the mindset that it costs him nothing to give them some of his time. At the realization that no matter how much he gives them, they will always, always feel entitled to taking what he tries to keep. It will never be enough for them. 

He’s mad at himself, too. The how-could-I-let-this-happen kind of mad that feels a lot more like a never-ending pang of guilt in your chest. He didn’t know they were around fans, but didn’t he? He’s always around a fan in Monaco, it seems like, and here he is putting his arm around her while they walk down the street? Sending out the siren for anyone who might want to pry into his private life? It’s a mistake he never should have made. He’s smarter than this. 

He fumes silently at the table while everyone around him talks about their meals and the atmosphere and all he can think about, the only track his mind can follow, is what Chris is doing at that very moment.

He knows the time difference like it’s nothing, automatically converts it in his head when he looks at his watch. It’s 2:30 in the afternoon in Georgia, so she's at work. Today is Tuesday, which means special is at… 2? It’s art day, and he knows art is at 2. Or it is Gym today? Gym is at… what time is gym at? He can’t remember. 

He’s watching Mia type, stop typing, and start again, his leg bouncing under the table, shaking the booth underneath him. Undoubtedly, she’s typing up some essay for him to read. 

Chris calls, and he answers before the first ring can finish vibrating. “Hi,” he says, soft. “Hi,” he repeats, this time harder, calmer. Everything is fine.

Silently, he shoos Joris out of the booth so he can step away. 

“Hi,” she says, like she doesn’t have a care in the world, like social media isn’t digging through every interaction he’s had for the last month with pitchforks trying to find her. 

“Are you okay?” He’s asking before he can even process the emotions—or lack thereof—in her voice. It’s like he’s blind. The type of angry where you’re clouded by it, where all he can think about is her. 

He navigates through the restaurant, trying to find a corner of quiet solace. He can’t go outside, there were fans out there when he’d shown up. Maybe the bathroom will be empty, he hopes. 

“Yeah,” Chris says, and he lets out a heavy breath, the one he’d been unable to release since he got that first text. He thinks he believes her, that she’s okay, and that he’s freaking out over nothing. “I mean, you said there weren’t any faces, so…”

“I’m sorry that this happened like this,” he offers, ducking his head into the bathroom, peeking under the stalls. He finds one pair of shoes and settles for the hallway outside the bathrooms—there’s more room to pace there, anyways. 

“Like what?” She laughs. She fucking laughs, and it stops him dead in his tracks. His head falls back to the sky, a sharp exhale—practically a laugh of his own—leaves his nose. Of course, she’s laughing. “This is exactly how we knew it would happen.”

“It’s my fault, I should have acted different.”

If he closes his eyes, he swears he can see the frown on her face, the familiar little disappointed sigh filling his ear. “Don’t do that,” she says. “You were just being… just existing. You’re allowed to exist. I’m sorry that anyone feels entitled to your existence.”

God, she can be so annoying sometimes; has to go and make all this sense all the time, makes all his nondescript, word-scramble of thought feel simple and linear. She does it so easily, understands him with infuriating ease. Avec toi, je suis moi, he’d say, if he could properly convey it. 

He bites the nail on his pointer finger. “Are you sure you are okay?”

“Yes, babe,” she laughs again. It feels like she’s always laughing. He could listen to it, to the million variations of her laugh, for a long time. Maybe until he can’t hear anymore. “I’m so okay. The okay-est. Are you okay?”

“Me? I’m fine, yeah. Just worrying about you.” He’s not okay, but. He signed up for this life, and she didn’t. Charles asked for this, worked hard to have this. Sometimes he doesn’t know if he’s allowed to be upset when stuff like this happens, all things considered. 

“I can hear it in your voice. You’re mad. Talk to me. I have fifteen minutes until I have to get my kids from art.” Tuesdays mean art class, he was right. He knew. 

Charles groans, thinks that this must be how toddlers feel right before they throw a tantrum, when they have all these contradictory thoughts flying around every corner of his brain and he can’t make sense of a single one of them. “I just. God, I just. Fuck, I feel guilty to get upset, you know?”

“I know. You don’t have to feel guilty with me, though.”

“I don’t know, sometimes it is just,” he’s pacing again. He wishes more than anything, more than anything, that she could just be here. That they could be having this conversation on a couch somewhere together. Missing her is hard when things are going good, because all he thinks about is how much better they’d be if she was there. But when things are bad, when he’s about ready to channel his sixteen-year-old self and punch a hole through a wall, he can feel all four thousand and seven hundred miles. “It makes me angry that less and less things are mine. I can not even walk down a street without getting a call from my press officer. I belong to everyone but to me, and I know that I am very lucky to have this life I have, and I love driving more than anything. It just gets bigger and bigger and more out of control. And God. Fuck, I am so mad about this,” he pauses, waits for her to say something, but she doesn’t. She just holds the empty space. “I don’t know why I’m so mad about this one. I mean, I know that it’s because it’s not just me, it’s you too. But fuck, I’m pissed off.”

“You don’t need to protect me,” she says, and he rolls his eyes. He knows he doesn’t need to. 

“I know, but I want to. I want to be able to.”

Without pause, she says: “You could. I mean, I felt safe enough to fly halfway across the world without telling anyone I was leaving, right?” He smiles. God, it really bugged him that she did that. She should have told someone. Anyone. We’re keeping it lowkey, she’s said and he didn’t know what to say. He remembers thinking it’s a trip, not the fucking nuclear codes. 

“It’s actually closer to a quarter of the way around the world, you know?” He jokes. It’s such a stupid distinction to make. Half the world, quarter of the world. Who cares, really? It’s all too far. A six hour time difference just feels a little easier than a twelve hour one. 

“Yeah,” she says quietly, and he’s certain she’s been making the same distinction, reminding herself of the same thing to make it that little bit easier. “Yeah, that’s what I said.”

He leans against the wall of the narrow hallway, facing it, resting his forehead against the wallpaper and closing his eyes. He imagines he’s going back to a table with her sitting in the booth, that she’s inside the restaurant waiting for him. “I miss you.”

“I miss you, too.”

“Are you sure you are okay?”

“Are you?” 

“Yes,” he lies. She pauses like she can tell, like she’s trying to figure out if it’s worth it to call him on it. He really hopes she doesn’t, isn’t sure how much longer he can try to have a conversation like this with her while standing in the bathroom hallway at a random Italian restaurant. 

“Promise it won’t ruin your night?”

He chuckles. “I promise no such thing.”

“Okay,” she says quietly. 

“Two days,” he says, a reminder for him, a reminder for her. Two days until you’re in front of me. Two days and some change, for him—less than that for her. That’s what happens when you’re on different ends of the world, even your days are measured differently sometimes. 

“Two days.”

last chapter masterlist next chapter

thank you per usual for @silverstonesainz for being my forever beta mwah mwah

[madmaddyenby]

/rp /dsmp

ok so- c!tommy. we are all aware he’s traumatized, and experiences ptsd from being in traumatic experiences, this is basically fact.  while i’d like to talk how c!tommy experiences ptsd, i’d like to bring up a thing i haven’t seen mentioned a lot when it comes to c!tommy and his trauma- c-ptsd.  also known as complex-ptsd.   it occurs when someone experiences something traumatizing for a period of time.

[image description: A screenshot of text with the words “CPTSD stands for Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. It is a mental health condition in which a person might experience intense PTSD symptoms that coincide with other mental issues. CPTSD occurs in people who have been subjected to on going traumatizing experiences”. end description]

which, as we know, the exile arc fits the description of “ongoing traumatizing experiences” pretty fucking well.  the exile was basically just two weeks of trauma.  for a lot of reasons too, there was dream abusing tommy, tommy being isolated, tommys own depression/suicidal thoughts/bad mindset in general.   this would all be considered a ongoing traumatizing experience(s).  

ptsd is very similar to c-ptsd in how it develops, but ptsd occurs after one singular traumatizing event . (by the way, the event doesnt have to be life or death, it could be something like witnessing or hearing about a shocking event!!!)

symptoms of c-ptsd overlap with ptsd a good lot of the time, due to them both being trauma disorders.  however, there are a few differences.  here r some symptoms of c-ptsd, alot of which are ptsd symptoms that alot ofpeople with c-ptsd experience as well

reliving the traumatic experience

avoiding certain situations 

changes in beliefs and feelings about yourself and others

hyperarousal (jitteriness, being on alert, etc)

somatic symptoms (physical symptoms with no underlying cause)

lack of emotional regulation 

change in consciousness

negative self-perception

difficulty with relationships

distorted reception of abuser

loss of system of meanings

now, i’ll go over which of these fit our boy c!tommy, and how they fit for some of them atleast.  i will only be talking about the things that are a result from c-ptsd, but also c-ptsd works where it coincides with other mental illnesses a person has so.  its also important to note that within a person these symptoms might not stay the same over time, and not everyone who has c-ptsd or ptsd is going to experience it the same.   (so not talking abt how pain affects him after dying in the prison, though that is a clear sign of ptsd) 

reliving the traumatic experience

tommy’s done this with exile a few times, when revisiting logstedshire, when he saw the craters in logstedshire, when visiting dream in prison, when during the disc finale dream dug the hole and told him to put his armour in, etc etc, he’s even described himself as being trembly in the fingers near plain biomes, while visting logsted he mentioned how shaky it made him to be there, and when he visited logsted one time he had an immediate reaction to seeing a hole in the ground that came off as him reliving it. flashbacks come in from sensations during a traumatic event, like sight, feeling, emotion, etc, etc.  it seems like with these he’s experiencing more of a reliving the emotions kind of thing. 

avoiding certain situations 

i was originally not gonna include this one, but thinking about it, he kind of does in a way.   this symptom also includes keeping yourself preoccupied to avoid thinking about it, which is something c!tommy seems to do alot.  with focusing on building the hotel, and doing tasks, or grinding for supplies instead of actually thinking about it.  

changes in beliefs and feelings about yourself and others

c!tommy uh. does this a lot.  a lot of it stems from how during exile tommy was isolated and made to believe no one cared for him, and even if that wasn’t true c!tommy never really got much closure on that.  hes not really trusting ppl that b4 were really close to him, tubbo n ranboo for example

lack of emotional regulation

this can also be described as uncontrollable feelings.  this is the one i’ve wanted to talk about the most i think- because this is really fits c!tommy.  he tends to lash out alot, for example burning the flower c!ranboo gave him, there are a bunch more examples of this that include him yelling at others, that one time when he spleefed c!jack 

negative self-perception

yeah.  theres a few examples of this one, the one that first comes to mind is that time during the green festival where he was talking about how he was worse than everyone he didn’t wanna be (including his abuser, c!dream...) .  theres now when he was building his tower by the prison when he was saying he couldn’t use the cobble because it was too him, and people didnt like the cobble. alot of this i think comes from c!dream making him feel basically worthless in exile :(

difficulty with relationships

  Yeah. um.  Alot for this one!!! The first to come to mind is c!tubbo.  c!tommy and c!tubbos relationship is very very wonky, especially considering recent events with tommy feeling like he is being replaced with c!ranboo.  (which he isnt by the way! he just feels as though, which is a valid feeling for him to have :]) .  another person that comes to mind is c!ranboo.  he’s even mentioned how his and ranboos relationship goes back and forth quite alot.  its not very surprising to see that he has difficulty with relationships especially considering a lot of the reason that the exile affected him so badly was because he felt so alone and was so isolated from his friends.  another thing that comes to mind, is when he made c!sam sign that contract promising hat he’d be his best friend and protect him.  theres most likely way more that can be said here, but this is the first stuff that comes to mind.  

distorted reception of abuser

um... yeah.  this one.  this can also be described as , “ becoming preoccupied with the relationship between you and your abuser. It can also include preoccupation with revenge or giving your abuser complete power over your life. “  which is um.  yeah.  c!tommy.  he’s mentioned how whenever he’s around c!dream he feels like hes conditioned to be his friend (which. yea . he was .).  right after he left logstedshire this was very very prominent, he was the biggest c!dream apologist around (/j), saying things like “dream didnt do anything wrong” and even explaining how he wasnt sure about things when it comes to c!dream, that his mind became flip floppy whenever he thought about him.   right now, hes focused on getting back at c!dream, not fully for revenge, mainly for his friends and how he doesnt want c!dream to go around killing and reviving everyone, but the point still stands.  (this all makes me extra sad because he had gone to the prison the second time in the first place to get closure :(( )

loss of system of meanings

Systems of meaning refer to your religion or beliefs about the world.  This can also refer to getting a strong sense of hopelessness or despair about the world, which as of late mainly c!tommy seems to have.  mainly referencing in his stream where he visited dreams bunker, he was asking what the point was of finding things that made him happy if dream was just going to get out the prison and destroy it.  theres also a few things that also go with this, in one stream while he burnt down ponks lemon tree for sam nook he said  "thats still decaying, but yknow, arent we all." and that one time when he gave that hotel invitation to c!techno he was like “ahahha we could die tomorrow anyway” 

-

its also important to note that, “Any type of long-term trauma, over several months or years, can lead to CPTSD. However, it seems to appear frequently in people who’ve been abused by someone who was supposed to be their caregiver or protector. “ Which is.. fairly accurate in c!tommy’s situation.  c!dream might’ve not been a caregiver or protector necessarily but he was still someone that was looking after him yknow? 

there are most likely more things than what i layed out that show that c!tommy most likely also has cptsd, however this is just the stuff that i thought up :] add to the post if you’d like to!

(also this isn’t saying that c!tommy doesnt have ptsd, he had both ptsd and c-ptsd. also i am not an expert about ptsd, cptsd, or mental health in general, if i got any information wrong let me know)

[shoezuki]

Ive said this before and ill say it again: twitter has adopted tumblr's 2016 purist culture. They have taken that sort of "one strike and youre out" mentality from back in the day and ran with it.

What makes it worse though is the fact that twitter passes on info like its a game of telephone. As in, the info always ends up differing from the truth by the third person it gets passed to, and so people end up blowing things out of proportion and getting unreasonably angry over things because someone in the telephone line twisted some words.

Its a culture thats really hurtfull, really.

ABSOLUTRLY!!!! ABSOLUTELY!!! like i get reminded So Much bout like early tumblr callout posts and thr 'this person follows this person whos bad' type of ideals and the morally superiority complexes and like. It Reeks of that shit. But i feel it to be Worse what w the functions of twitter n the culture building up round it. It fuckin sucks n is jus. So sad this idea of Purity n that messing up is representative of who u are and who u Always will be. Its a dangerous mindset that younger ppl get stuck in w this idea of wanting to be included, not wanting to be the 'bad' people, n seein so many on their tl doing such w the knowledge if they disagreed or 'stepped out of line' they could be ostracized n harassed so easily

[jostenneil]

do you think that people that praise nobara but bash sakura actually cares about a good written female character in the shonen? idk it seems like ppl attach this title to female characters that have a “no shit attitude” and good physical strength. but what’s wrong with being vulnerable and insecure but having the agency to grow from it? In fact, I would argue sakura has more agency and these traits and complexity than nobara does.

Bluntly speaking? No, I don’t think they do. To me, what’s been so influential about Sakura as a character and her impact on female shounen heroines to follow is the fact that she is very much a product of shoujo tropes and narratives moreso than shounen ones, and that caught people off guard (to the point that it angered them, obviously). I would actually say that what makes her so likeable and relatable to me as a character is that emotionally she’s far more messy than Naruto or Sasuke, who are actually pretty straight laced in the majority of their actions and decisions. They respond very logically to their individual traumas in opposing manners, and that’s what sets the stage for their series-long clash as rivals or something more. 

Sakura, in comparison, isn’t someone whose feelings, decisions, or actions are as clear cut. In the beginning, she’s a little bit selfish, a little bit mean, and it takes the range of her experiences during Part I to mold her into someone with a broader sense of empathy and kindness. Sakura is a normal girl living a normal life who just wants to have a normal crush, until she’s thrust into a team of people all traumatized in some of the worst ways possible, and she has to learn to cope with that while maintaining her own sense of identity and purpose. That’s something that especially becomes a focal point of her growth after the time skip, and as a whole it’s a narrative arc very reflective of the classic shoujo. The thing about her story that’s compelling is there’s this constant back and forth between loyalty to love or duty. Sakura is someone dedicated to building up her strength and skill for the purpose of contributing to and supporting her village, but at heart she’s also the same girl from her childhood who just wants to live a normal life, for her friends to be okay, and for the boy she loves to realize that he is someone worthy of love in the first place. The complexity of that interplay over the course of Part II absolutely fascinates me, especially because it’s something she struggles so much with. A lot of people tend to act like Sakura is naïve or blind to the reality of her circumstances, but I would argue that she’s the most emotionally and realistically grounded member of her team. It’s what makes her internal emotional struggle so hard, because she’s fully aware of the realities, but they nonetheless break her heart and she doesn’t actually like having to acknowledge them. It’s an incredibly human response, and why I think her actions during the Kage Summit Arc and even afterward are so understandable, because, yes, there is strife and blood and war, but doesn’t love still mean something in the end? I think shounen fans who tend to hate her absolutely abhor that aspect of her character, because they can’t stand to see someone who would dare go against the grain of what makes battle shounen so addictive and enjoyable a genre. They’re being asked to contend with a character with more complex motivations and feelings, and they can’t stand it, especially because that complexity manifests in the form of a character who doesn’t have the heart to hurt the people she loves, because more than anything, she just wants them to be okay first. It’s not wrong that Naruto’s philosophy with regards to Sasuke is to fight violence with violence, that’s his prerogative, and there’s reasoning behind it. But there’s also nothing wrong with Sakura trying to appeal to Sasuke’s emotional side first, especially since he is someone who has been so thoroughly traumatized into relying on violence as a coping mechanism. That’s something she acutely recognizes, and yet somehow, it’s almost impossible for a good portion of shounen fans to recognize this themselves, and so you have either people who egg on Sasuke’s dismissive behavior with her or people who act like he’s the devil incarnate because his extensive trauma makes him respond non-ideally. There’s no room for nuance, because at the end of the day, a girl who cries over the boy she loves, or who cries at all, is a miserable human being and has no place in a shounen, regardless of her feats otherwise. 

And then, we have Nobara, who admittedly is a cool character, too! I like how her back story shapes her philosophy with regards to her admiration of and cooperation with the people around her, and how that mindset of hers grows and changes as she spends time with the other students at Jujutsu High. But, while it does present an interesting premise and fairly logical growth pattern, there’s honestly. . . not much more to it beyond that? Nobara is never paid the same amount of attention by the narrative as are Yuji and Megumi, and then it’s not like challenges to her philosophy are a significant focal point of the story (in the sense that it’s not really like her personal arc majorly shapes the story itself). It shows up where it’s needed, and then it’s more or less pretty neatly resolved and tied up with its own bow within a hundred or so chapters. Could she come back from the “dead”, and there theoretically be more done with her character? Maybe. The recent interview from Gege where he talks about the circumstances of her death was interesting. But something he also talked about in that interview is how the series is more than halfway over, and it’s like, is there really a lot more that he can accomplish with her narrative arc when there’s so much else that’s more important and needs to be resolved? I think people like Nobara because she’s someone confident in her own motives and her own sense of self, and that’s great! I love to see characters like that. But it’s also ridiculous to see her constantly lauded over Sakura when she’s hardly afforded a comparable significance to her own story, let alone an extensive character arc where her own personal development matters and is constantly challenged at large. People are far more concerned with dominant expressions of feminism, and that being synonymous with a “strong” female character, than anything actually bordering on a complex and fully realized character. And I don’t mean this in any sense as a criticism to people who like Nobara’s character. I’m just saying that it’s sad to see shounen fans constantly settle for bare minimum and not ask for more, or seek out more for themselves. Nobara, and several of the other female characters in Jujutsu Kaisen, deserve to have their narratives and characters be fleshed out on par with those of the boys. I wish more people were willing to acknowledge that. 

[punksouthie]

wait i know you said you wouldnt elaborate on buffy and faith being ooc on the ats Sanctuary post but i need to know your thoughts 😳 if youre open to it ofc.

well… since u asked. i remember reading a post where someone explained this much more coherently than i will but i cant find it so. i’ll do my best.

it’s pretty much only buffy and angel’s portrayal that i Do Not think was done well. Faith is fine really, she’s come off that “nothing i do matters bc i dont matter bc im already dead so why not fuck everything up” mindset and she now has to deal w Everything. angel is at his best this ep and also at some of his worst, particularly w his interactions w buffy. he’s the forgiving figure, the guiding hand that faith needs, and he extends unending kindness that he LEARNED from buffy, he learned how to be a hero from her, how to forgive when it seems impossible. (see: That Hug in “Beauty and the Beasts”) and then buffy gets there and shes very vindictive, and its framed as buffy being jealous of faith&angel (her looking in on their hug parallels that scene in “Enemies”). she’s very much supposed to be the “antagonist” of the ep as much as the council or as kate. but in Buffy her distrust of faith was understood as very complicated identity issues in s3 and then bc of guilt abt the whole stabbing situation in s4 (and still complicated identity issues too). buffy DID try to forget abt faith, and she’s then faced w faith’s understandable stance of “u stabbed me and also killed my dad and also put me in a coma and also forgot abt me square tf up???” and she spends the entirety of “Who Are You?” literally walking a mile in faith’s shoes, and at the end of it she doesn’t look Vindictive or Angry she looks conflicted, and even sad.

And then we get to Angel and none of it tracks. now i love Mean buffy, bc she can be mean, but her meanness is almost always a tool to push ppl away (see: “When She Was Bad”) not as a reactionary thing. that scene on the rooftop between buffy and faith is The Scene of “Sanctuary”, but everything around it makes it less poignant than it could’ve been. buffy HAS offered forgiveness many times to faith, and she HAS been spat on and made a victim, but it Feels like the writers want you to see buffy as unreasonable coupled w the rest of her characterization which consists of her bragging abt riley to angel and then hitting him (she has tried to hurt him w her words b4 when she feels hurt, see: “you have a heart? it isn’t even beating.” but she Never got physical w souled angel) and it feels… icky. bc buffy is portrayed as a “bitch” and angel’s the Good guy who just wants to help in comparison. also that fkn line “i’m sorry but i’ve never killed anyone.” like… bro she just wouldn’t say that. SHE was the one who originally wanted angel to get thru to faith in “Consequences” bc she understood that angel knows what it’s like. and to be clear, buffy Should be trying to hold faith accountable, i just don’t think she would’ve gone abt it like That. yes, she would’ve been irritated and upset, faith rejected her help and her forgiveness and that scares her, i think buffy would’ve even been bitter that angel got thru to faith when buffy’s the one who’s been trying to do so since “Revelations”, sometimes halfheartedly but still. i just can’t see buffy acting like that when its so clearly just a device in order to bring more conflict for faith to make the decision to turn herself in and maybe even to make angel look like the Rational one, it is his show after all. hope i explained that well, never done this sort of post b4.

TL;DR this ep provided Way too much food for buffy antis by presenting her as an antagonistic character on the same sort of level as kate and the Council, despite what happened at the end of “Who Are You?” just to present angel as the good guy savior in comparison. and she says and does things she wouldn’t say or do (brags abt riley, calls angel a murderer, hits angel) to make her seem unreasonable. basically, they kinda treat her like a tool for the plot (faith turning herself in), and it rubs me the wrong way.

[writing-for-me-at-this-point]

Idk, Ive been in a couple fandoms myself, the biggest one being Voltron, which was..... A Shit Show, both the fandom and show itself, but I feel like alot of fandoms have gotten super toxic lately. And, I feel like it really has alot to do with quarantine. Think about it, we are forced to stay inside, and cant do alot of the things we used to for entertainment and socialising, so we turn to the web, were you can find alot of entertainment and find likeminded people.

But, if you dont know how to quickly root out people with toxic mindsets, its easy to get swept up. I know plenty people my age (18 to like, early n mid 20's) who grew up online who have stories of almost going off the deep end, myself included. That plus like, algorithms make it easy to get stuck in an echochamber. And with all of the stress and emotions of the last 2 years, and no good way to express them, people will lash out, and when threatened, others in turn will also lash out, creating this loop.

It really is quite sad and unfortunate that this is happening, its not weird or hard to understand but, I wish it wasnt happening ya know.

Ah Voltron... I hide from that fandom and will never touch it even if it dies completely.

But I agree. Fandoms and fan spaces have become a lot more toxic and it is probably due to quarantine. I won't deny algorithms have become very effective in creating echochambers, and they make online spaces very addicting.

That's also another reason why people get so attached to their fandoms and such. Addiction to the internet maybe? And I agree it is unfortunate that people feel lonely and are limited due to quarantine. But that doesn't give the excuse to be toxic. We are all going through/have been through heavy quarantining and isolation, and it's good we can identify the problem, but the online toxicity has been getting heavier and heavier.

Idk from my personal experiences and thoughts, I can understand where people come from, but when fandoms get to the point like Genshin and the whole Ayato debacle ( sending death threats to ppl because they shipped him with Yae due to color schemes ) I really can't have pity or empathy for them :/

After a certain point, you can't blame your actions on quarantine or social isolation, it bleeds into chronically online and makes it even worse imo

[ruby-whistler]

This is targeted at your dream apologist post, just to be up front. Just wanted to give my two cents in on some of the stuff w/o doing a whole rebuttal, since… I don’t really want to lol. To start off, I had an issue with how you framed the beginnings of Lmanberg. How Lmanberg formed wasn’t colonizing, it was just independence from the greater dsmp from a set of members that disliked the way things were ran by Dream (and by more direct extension, the rest of the dsmp citizens, namely sapnap.) Dream was protecting his power, not any kind of attachment made to the server, I’d argue, becuz in the end the way he relinquished control was by gaining more; by getting leverage over one of the original members, Tommy, via taking his discs.

Another thing, you shouldn’t be angry at ppl for not feeling sympathetic for a character that’s done such heinous things against other characters. You’re more then welcome to feel bad for him yourself, but no one else has to. After watching the whole of Tommy’s exile arc, it’s very clear to see the Dream was cruel and horrible to a child that hardly deserved it. Dream was dehumanizing to Tommy. Making him put all of his self earned items into a hole every visit and promptly destroying it all, telling Tommy that his friends don’t miss him, blowing up Logstedshire after finding Tommy’s secret room (that he hid from Dream to stop him from destroying it) filled with Tommy’s resources for escaping, not even allowing him to leave, these aren’t the actions of a good person put into a hard place, or a person with trauma dealing poorly with said trauma. That isn’t justifiable. Dream shouldn’t be allowed to hurt and inflict trauma onto another person becuz he has trauma. What he did to Tommy and to his friends (saying he didn’t care about them, saying he only cares about Tommy’s discs, Sapnap even had that sad moment of “you don’t think he meant it did you?” which. Yknow. Look between the lines methinks) was awful and doesn’t have to be forgiven by either the victims or the fans of said victims.

My opinion on the prison stay is…. I don’t really care lol. I definitely do see it as he deserves it, because what he did to Tommy was horrific. I don’t have any real sympathy for an abuser, especially one that does shit that I’ve had done to me before and done against a character I relate to heavily. So. Sue me if I think that Dream should have his shit rocked. Ignoring that Dream had very clear reasons as to why he was put into the prison and the fact that many characters have reasons to hate his guts and also not feel sympathy for him is…. Definitely the Dream apologist mantra. Noah fence ^^

One last bit since this ask is getting real long, but it was narratively cathartic to see Dream actually receiving punishment for his actions. Cathartic quite literally means “psychological relief through strong emotions” so. Yeah. Sorry ppl were getting it mixed up with catharsis, but there’s the word they probably meant to use. Didn’t realize it would be such a crime to mix up two very similar words but what can you do with a younger audience.

This isn’t meant to be an attack, or mean, so I’m sorry if I’ve been a little passive aggressive in my wording, but to be fair. Your post was as well ^^ Cant wait to hear your response, if you feel like giving one.

Alright, so first as a quick disclaimer, I’m going to out a summary of the original post’s points, just to ensure that we’re on the same page;

The post does say:

- don’t dehumanize c!Dream because it continuously hurts people who relate to and/or sympathize with him, also dehumanization in general is an inherently wrong mindset

- don’t attack people who sympathize with him because he’s a victim of abuse besides other things

The post never says:

- you cannot hate c!Dream and not sympathizing with him is wrong

- the things c!Dream has done are to any degree excused

- don’t dehumanize c!Dream because he’s a good person

- people who dehumanize c!Dream are real life abuse apologists

If you read the post and didn’t get these points from it, i advise you to reread it as I made pretty much all of these abundantly clear.

I don’t know why you’d start talking about L’manberg, but sure; I never said it was colonization. I said some people who have had their country colonized relate to him because he had his home torn apart and is desperate to return it back to its original state. This is a completely valid reason to relate to him as it is a pretty big part of the character.

Dream wasn’t protecting his “power”, because he didn’t actually have any power on the SMP besides technically owning it. Before L’manberg, all he’d do is walk around, fix creeper holes and the prime path, jump into conflicts and end them if they got too pointed - he even fixed Tubbo’s house once after Tommy burnt it down, he got unfairly mugged by Sapnap and Tommy because he had weaker armor etc. He never used his position as landowner unfairly and was on the same level as any other member; his only concern was too keep the community united and semi-peaceful. Of course he had an attachment to the server, it had been his home for months, maybe more on the SMP timeline.

Do you genuinely think listing the bad things he did is going to do anything to my empathy or the empathy of other c!Dream fans?

I saw the entirety of the exile arc live, and I saw what was happening, and I hated it, and I hated c!Dream. Yet I’m sympathetic to him when he goes through a similar situation, perhaps because I’m not a biased hypocrite.

I never said c!Dream was a good person. Saying “these don’t look like actions of a person with trauma” doesn’t make sense to me because, as you said later on, it isn’t justifiable either way. I’m not saying anyone has to forgive him. You don’t need to forgive an abuse victim for their prior actions to recognize their situation is messed up. You’re making up points to fight against in your rebuttal that I never actually said.

I’m not saying “don’t dehumanize c!Dream because he’s a good person”. I’m saying “don’t dehumanize c!Dream because he’s a person and dehumanization is wrong” and “people who relate to him shouldn’t be hurt or harassed”.

He didn’t even do “terrible things” to his friends, by the way. Tommy has said like five times that he doesn’t care about anyone but the discs but when he said that isn’t true his friends believed and forgave him. Dream says it once while something that matters to him is being threatened, so that it doesn’t get destroyed, and suddenly he’s hurting his friends (double standard methinks). As if he didn’t repeatedly try to help them and care about them up until that point and they abandoned him even despite his prior actions. He did things that might’ve hurt them, but that doesn’t compare to the amount of things he did for them. Saying he doesn’t care is blatant mischaracterization.

If you think (fictional) people who have done bad things deserve to be horribly abused and have their basic human rights violated, you know what, you do you. Be a fictional abuse apologist, be as bad as the people who say c!Tommy deserved it, go on. I disagree with you however, and I’m sure many people who are actually sensitive and care about/relate to fictional abuse victims (I have seen many c!Tommy apologists say the torture is awful and he doesn’t deserve it, thankfully) will disagree as well, so why should I care about your wrong opinion? If you’ve dehumanized him and are failing to see you’re incorrect and hurting people, bad for you. You’re just proving me right that this is a very real problem that this community has to do something about.

[lesbiancarat]

PREACH IT!! SAY IT LOUDER FOR TH3 PEOPLE IN THE BACK!! *stands up and claps*

Just your comment, please I want to tattoo that entire response on my forehead so people could understand some stuff fjshdhsh. I very much agree with everything you have said, like I do think the bighit deal was more so with the help of say with western connections (which again does NOT mean pledis could have done this without bighit. They clearly could but I saw a theory on a YouTube comment where someone said they focused on the core fanbase aka in Korea which is their main market and it paid off imo) from helping with buisness side of things like we do have merch to buy directly (which I have my opinion on some merch ideas like why the fudge is bighit selling us water!? Bro you thought that worked with bts doesn't mean it will with seventeen) which wasn't common in the past or being able to film concerts with ease during the pandemic. Bighit clearly acknowledges that seventeen is a monster group in their own right I mean as you said, they break records and are 2nd behind bighits own group. They are EXTEMELY big in Japan. They are their own song makers, bang pd confirmed this when pleids was first announced in a press video so the fact people brush all of their achievements and statements because why, their streaming numbers are low?

And oohh such an interesting point as well! Very much i think the current mindset of kpop fans (or at least some) is that streaming is what equals success which to some degree, yes but as you said, many ignore the casual side of listening. People that find the song due to it being viral for whatever reason, a fancam getting popular like in the cass of hani from exid or whatever reason. Dwc is a great example and I saw those comments under their recent performance of that song and it makes me proud that the boys have a song like that. That it has its own "fanbase" quote on quote with how well loved that song simply is and well known. You don't have to have fans doing crazy streaming to be considered "popular", I mean I could give more examples but I don't wanna make this too long nor cause unwanted fandrama lol. Those casual listeners are extremely important and powerful I mean brave girls is a great recent example of that I think! It very much does seem like that when looking at the views, its mainly the core fanbase which isn't bad nor should we feel bad for not having crazy numbers. They seem more organic if that makes sense? Plus I agree, we can stream and can explain how it works, clearing up confusion about it like no emojis don't take down views and yes youtube does take away views but that is due to it making sure it isn't bots only viewing the video. Explaining that streaming should be done with a chill mindset and its ok if you don't stream. But hey, maybe we're too weird of fans to think like this fjajdjajs.

But some few updates! Seventeen is back on Instagram, fully everyone is posting away. Makes me happy hehe m, a bit funny it took so long for them to comeback but am happy nonetheless. The interactions that seungkwan does makes me super soft. Seventeen are also back with doing proper promotions so yay (also pledis is S Wording people over the mingyu issue finally so bless). As for me on the personal side of things. I have OFFICIALLY finished that video game ^_^ it took me a while but I have finished it, my last goodbye was completed and am at ease so to speak? Lowkey am planning on beating all the trophies in the game cx also may I ask about your thoughts on the album? Favorite songs, have you bought the physical cd?

ok finally getting around to this lol!!

and yeah that's absolutely true, pledis focused on kr promotions/fanbase first and foremost (and then expanded to Japan and is now looking toward the US/western promos in general). which i agree was a good thing. i think some companies get too greedy with wanting a group to be ~internationally famous~ that they ignore their Korean fanbase a bit too much and I've seen groups that have failed bc of it, so I'm glad that didn't happen w SVT

and yeah in terms of merch I'm genuinely grateful as an american that for this cb at least there was a US distributor which made things super convenient but wtf is going on w hybes merch those water bottles are not it TT it just sucks to see bc it's clear that at least as far as merch goes hybe doesn't have an interest in like. doing market research to figure out what carats want. which is funny bc they don't even have to start from scratch they could literally just ask pledis?? and tbh what's sad is i don't think hybe is like. purposefully trying to sabotage SVTs merch from my limited perspective i get the feeling they treat all their groups merch like that :( but since us carats have seen in the past what kind of merch we're capable of getting it's disappointing to see such a downgrade. and like tbf pledis's merch decisions were never perfect like that time they tried to sell replicas of the SVT rings and carats were rightfully pissed bc those are something the members earned, not something to be bought. and i also don't think hybe never has or never will make good merch, I'm sure they're fully capable of it. but it just seems obvious that they've put WAY less if any effort into understanding both the market (ie carats) and seventeens brand compared to pledis so like of course most carats aren't gonna like it :/ i really hope they step up their game and do better research or bring ppl onto the team who better understand svt's brand

and yeah i very much agree with everything u said about streaming! tbh i think this mindset isn't as uncommon as you might think, I've actually met a fair number of kpop fans who are critical of streaming culture but as u know there also are a lot of ppl who are really into it and those ppl tend to have the loudest voices. and unfortunately part of streaming culture is that if you question the methods or don't participate you must be a bad fan or secretly an anti or something ridiculous like that. so ppl who aren't into streaming culture end up learning to not be too vocal about it bc of how bad the backlash can be

yes! I'm glad to see insta line (+ now dk!!) active again. i still wonder why pledis made them stop using their ind instas, like I know all the theories people have as to why but honestly none that I've seen seem to fully make sense. it will probably be one of those things where we'll just never know the full story. but i digress!! regardless of the reason I'm just glad to have them back after all this time ^^

congrats on finishing the game! I'm glad it was able to help you work through your grief a bit and that you feel more at ease now ;-; and good luck with the rest of the trophies if you end up trying to get them!

as always I'm answering this a bit late so you may have seen already but i did get the physical album! it was a birthday gift so i only got it the other day, but according to my mom it arrived almost immediately after the album was released so as i said before, I'm very grateful for the US shop this time around ;-; as for the songs usually it's easy for me to pick one or two favorites but this time around it's genuinely a 4-way tie between heavens cloud and all the unit songs TT (i also love anyone and RTL, they're just slightly lower on the list in terms of preference if u get what i mean). i really hope some time in the future we get some kind of performance or special video or something for heavens cloud, since so many carats and the members themselves seem to really love it. i also think it's a song that brings up such beautiful imagery that it would be a shame if it never got any type of visual representation, you know? I'm also really curious to see a performance of wave, since iirc the members said the choreo is a lot more laid back/different from other perf unit choreos?? + that song also evokes such great imagery for me that like... makes feel like it needs some kind of movement so I'm just itching to see a performance. kind of like... even if i didn't know it was a perf unit song i would think it would be great to choreograph to if that makes any sense dhfkf. but yeah overall i think it's just a really solid album, as expected from summerteen ^^

[batz]

Alternate timeline coomer and tommy who turned out to be the evil guys in the end

i remember in one of the commentary streams they mentioned that coomer and tommy could be potential Good Villains and honestly YEAH

itd probably be a bit different than the whole bubby and benrey thing tho. like, coomer is 100% the orchestrator to whatever fucked up thing happens to gordon, BUT its less out of spite (like with bubby n benrey) and more out of necessity? a situation where he thinks, and in some way is, the good guy in the situation! the games going to End, which means coomer and his friends are going to End as well, and coomer figures immobilizing gordon will make it way too difficult to win the game. if its too difficult to win the game, then the science team will Stay Alive, Live Forever! think The Trolley Problem, either kill one person to save many ppl, or kill many ppl to save one person.

coomer definitely doesnt Like being an antagonist, he was gordons friend after all! but what other choice does he have? tommy ends up being like,, a reluctant right hand man kinda deal, he's only w coomer bc hes scared of things ending bc what happens once the game shuts off??? he wants to hang out with his friends adn see sunkist snd drink soda,,, the possibility of things just. Ending. is terrifying. theres no books or wikipedia articles that say what happens to them once gordon leaves, and tommy doesnt like when something doesn't have a definitive answer. so he obv sticks by coomer bc coomer seems to Know what hes doing and Knows how to stop this!

bubbys 'never leave a man behind' mindset (that he apparently has??? lol) clashes with coomer and tommys mindset so he obv sticks with gordon and benrey. he kinda figures like hey if the games gonna end its gonna end like theres no use fighting it, we Shouldn't fight it. also being stuck in half life 1 forever sounds like super boring. benrey just kinda sticks by gordon bc hey wtf the script was changed why is he not the big bad anymore why isnt he the endgame battle???? realizing that bc of coomers choices it was switched around and now COOMER is the final boss, benrey just kinda tags along w bubby n gordon bc he wants 2 see what happens.

the final boss battle would be cool tho. big ol glitchy superplayfeature coomer. v much the same as benreys battle with the whole 'hey pls stop fighting bc i have no choice but to fight back'. less funny nonsensical lines and more shouting abt how 'theres nothing there'. maybe tommy has a change of heart and is on gordons side again bc he doesnt wanna hurt his friends, even if it means things potentially ending. now The Trolley Problem is reversed!!! now coomer is the One Person thats gotta be killd to save Many Ppl!!!! o shit what a twist!!!!

the scene where gordon gets shot w the portal gun and goes back to black mesa to destroy his passport has like, same circumstances, except coomer is Normal Sized and probably just calmly follows him to the locker room trying to convince him to like. Not Beat The Game. bc the science team may just be polygons n pixels to him, but they are very much Alive. and shutting off the game can only really mean one thing. everytime gordon tries to shoot him the bullets kinda just phase through coomer, who looks just, so disappointed in gordon. he rlly hates how things turned out..! pre-aware!bubby is the one that ends up opening the portal back to xen for him, even tho he rlly doesnt want to, bc it like, takez a LOT of effort and is super tiring like hes gotta use mind powers hes gotta use his brain to shoot a whole ass portal at a WALL like bruh but he does it anyway bc timelines or whatevr but he WILL complain while doing so

coomer is VERY glitchy and a lot more fucked up looking than benrey was when gordon returns, like hes just constsntly morphing and its suppper spooky! forbidden science evil moments!!!maybe coomer controls sunkist now too? sunkists got thos mspaint angry eyebrows and mspaint evil red eyes its SOOO spooky oOoOo. seeing that coomers got control of sunkist tommy goes full rambo on him like tommy is def the one that delivers the final punch n coomers eventually defeated!!! the ending scene is essentially the same, and the final speech is the same too! although a good portion of the speech is an apology to gordon bc. y eah. he def kinda deserves one. but he still mentions the science teams files being transfered, and Saved! he also makes sure to say that he Understands if gordon doesnt want to transfer over his file too, considering he did break the game. he just wants to make sure the rest of the science team gets to see the world bc they deserve it!!!!

tldr; if coomer and tommy were the villains itd be a completely different story and tommy wouldnt rlly be a villain fr long and coomer would be villain w grey morality / flawed morals n everyone is aware that its a game and its honestly probably a little bit more sad:(

[vanityloves]

🎫 here's a gush pass! feel free to gush about whichever f/o you want, however much you want, then send this ask to 3 other selfshippers!

oh man, thank you jsjsj ive gotten a few of these but ive been too anxious to actually go off ab my f/o but, lets fucking gooooo!

can i talk ab the actual animation of the source material is that allowed?

they gave us this but we ended up with

WHICH LISTEN- I enjoy n love regardless. I just find the contrasts in phases fascinating and funny. I loved his appearance in phases 1 and 2; what a fucking iconic character design. The animation is so endearing and amazing- the thicker lines, the fluidity, the range. Like the first gif that shows the vibrations of the vehicle in his shoulders/shirt? The simplistic art style was nice and even if hes Hard On The Eyes, I'm like 🥴 ok ugly ❤.

Not like the newer mvs are any less quality content - its nice to see the use of thick and thinner lines and there's definitely a different feel to it - more child friendly or easy going? Idk how to explain it. Murdoc as a character is still very, Not Child Friendly, and Im always like :cursed emoji: when someone says that their 14 year old watches their videos like help, his dick is out in at least 3 dif vids (censored ofc but man).

They definitely lost me after the 4th phase though and many people argue that the band/music lost its meaning, which i can honestly agree with (esp when they didnt name officially name 4, 5 and 6. Im p sure ppl refer to 4 as We Are Still Humanz).

I was never an avid/active fan of keeping up with the characters and didnt really think they had any story anyways, i was like "feel good inc is sexy. melancholy hill's a banger" so honestly, finding out that these apes actually have lore was fun.

Murdoc being the given this tragic backstory made my eyes Zoom, and ofc I was like "oh youre funny looking and sad. I want you ♡." In a weird way, I take a lot of comfort that 'we both have shit parents' and 'no one really thought we'd amount to anything'. to be fair, i haven't accomplished anything yet, and even if hes a bunch of pixels who i know doesnt really exist, its kind of motivating bc he never gave up? A literal quote from him being "If there’s a dream in your heart, never let anyone tell you you’ve got no talent. Get out there, embarrass yourself, and prove to the world you’ve got no talent." With how many failures hes faced he never stopped trying to prove himself worthy of attention and fame and love, which is ambitious and kind of intimidating with how much confidnece he has.

Hes a complete bastard of a man and not even close to being a good person. He's definitely complicated but can be boiled down to "just an abusive asshole", which, hey, fair. I hate the way he treats 2D, its so toxic and terrible. Honestly, its inexcusable and he needs to apologize, grow and learn a LOT and god knows he needs therapy.

I think the most tragic thing ab his character is that he basically ended up like his father and to some extent, he acknowledges it. His bad habits and behaviors stem from abuse and neglect which doesnt excuse his actions but, "man hands on misery to man." I feel like theres a haunting part to his whole life - we don't know much about his mother and brother but from assuming things, I know they weren't innocent, clean, or soft spoken, let alone, kind. I think he has a "It runs in the family" mentality and gives into it bc there's no use in running from something so deeply engraved within him.

But as a man of contradiction, hes shown to care, despite "hating everything, including himself". To be short, his father was a failure and a man thats never worked for his own money, so he contradicts that and escapes that part of 'failure running in the family' by forming Gorillaz. I do think theres something way more ab his character in that regard. I think theres a lot that he needs to work on but he's escaped a part of that mindset, and his 'Plastic Beach'. I wonder what theyre gonna do with valley of the pagans thing.

I guess as a band, theyre not gonna show a lot of "behind the scenes" stuff like that. We wont know if he ever gets help, or apologizes, or even feels sorry - its up to us to decide which is a safe game to play on Their Behalf.

People are upset that hes actually cleaned up a bit and is shown to be nicer bc they miss having that disgusting, cruel man which again, I understand. He has always been the antagonist to the entire band. But as someone that likes to see people happier n mellow (or, boring) rather than doing shit and compensating for their depression, its nice to see that type of development (or downgrade, depending on how you see it).

This could be Their (read: jamie and damon) way of being lazy by making him 'mellow out w/ age' or whatever it is. It definitely seems to woobify his character and intentions but well, His Main Goal, Was To Blow Up. And Act Like He Dont Know Nobodaaayyy argargarg and guess what? He's already made it- he's successful, he's rich, he's famous, he's adored. Now what? Maybe this is just his way of taking it easy from here on out - who knows.

Gorillaz definitely took a turn after all the brand deals so it lost its meaning (since one of the phases had a 'fuck capitalism' message) and with that, Murdoc is no longer allowed to be the stank bitch hes was always meant to be, no more obvious sex and drugs, for the new gen 🥴 ironically a lot of songs 'today' are always complained ab being ab sex, drugs, and whatever, but they def needed to step on the breaks when Money/Companies got involved. So here we have The Wigglez 😌💕

ANYWAYS, I LOVE HIM LOTS, HAVING MANY THOUGHTS