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sepublic · 4 years ago

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Lilith’s Wasted Effort

Honestly, I just FEEL for Lilith! I feel bad for her, like… This lady’s entire life, ever since that fateful night she cursed her sister, has been nothing but regret! Nothing but her desperately trying to undo her greatest mistake, to get back her sister… Like, Lilith must’ve wasted decades of her life, in her attempt to compensate for her biggest regret.

The thing is, she was a child. She was dumb and stupid, she thought the curse would only last for a day and only weaken Eda’s magic. It’d be like an AU for Really Small Problems, where after King accidentally shrinks Willow and Gus, they die by some horrific accident! Obviously there’s a bit more lenience to King since he didn’t intend to shrink them, not to mention Tibbles (I mean Obvioso) dropped the potion into his hands, and King was fully under the impression it’d wear off, and had seen an actual demonstration beforehand to reassure him.

But still- Can you imagine if Luz found out? Or if she didn’t, and then King spent the rest of his life, desperately trying to make up for the blood on his hands, perhaps even resorting to necromancy, or creating a false Willow and Gus… Or worse, it’s Luz who dies?! It’s just pitiable for Lilith… She really was looking forward to joining the Emperor’s Coven, but her one dream in life and she can’t even enjoy it, she throws the rest of her existence towards curing Eda’s curse, only to find out that it’s too late, there’s nothing she can do about it…!

And obviously- Even if Lilith hadn’t cursed Eda, their separation would’ve been inevitable. Eda would’ve still defied the Coven System and become a Wild Witch, Lilith would’ve fallen for Belos’ propaganda. But that’s also precisely why Lilith’s situation is all the more sadder… That even if she had invested decades of her life to curse the curse, it wouldn’t have made a difference. Eda would still defy Belos and be disappointed in Lilith for supporting the Coven System… And sure, Lilith would at least alleviate her greatest regret, right?

But the thing is… I think the curse is Lilith’s greatest regret because she blames it for driving a rift between her and Eda… And obviously the genuine harm it plays into Eda’s life and wellbeing is ALSO a concern, don’t get me wrong! But in the end, even if Eda was suffering, at least they’d be together… Being apart was the worst part to Lilith, I feel. It’s genuinely sad; How Lilith was but a child who made an almost silly mistake, but because of her regret she dedicated thirty-or-so years of her life… Lilith cast aside any attempts at being her own person, at enjoying herself, and wasted away in trying to undo the curse.

Lilith had a bright future ahead of her… Or maybe not. This IS the Emperor’s Coven after all… If she didn’t have the curse weighing on her mind, would Lilith have become fully-indoctrinated into Belos’ cause? Or would its absence force Lilith to acknowledge that the rift between her and Eda was an ideological one, one that came as a result of Eda’s voluntary and willing disagreement with the Coven System… Perhaps THEN, she would’ve realized how harmful Belos really is, and Lilith could’ve abandoned the Emperor’s Coven much sooner. After all, part of her motivation to stay in the Emperor’s Coven after that fateful duel may have been to find a cure for Eda, with access to the best resources in the Boiling Isles… Not to mention, the shame and guilt of cursing Eda could’ve made it hard for Lilith to bear being next to her sister.

If Lilith hadn’t cursed Eda, perhaps she would’ve realized, so much earlier on, how toxic the Coven System was. Maybe she would’ve rejected the Emperor’s Coven, perhaps as early as her twenties, and moved in with Eda… Then the two sisters could’ve been happy. Lilith could’ve instead invested her energy not towards slaving to some dictator, or trying to desperately undo a permanent curse; But instead use that time and energy to build other meaningful relationships, discover herself, forge her own identity… And just BE an actual person for once! Lilith could’ve been happy…

That’s what Lilith’s life, post-curse comes across to me… Wasted. Wasted time, wasted energy and effort. Time that could’ve been dedicated towards anything meaningful and productive, anything that could’ve made Lilith happy and grow as a person… But instead, she maddeningly dedicated herself to undoing the curse, to trying to get back to a past that became more and more idealized, more and more out-of-touch with what really happened. Instead of making a new, better future and life for herself, Lilith wasted decades in mental and emotional debt to her greatest regret.

Did Lilith, in dark moments of her life, ever get jealous of Eda again? Did she ever become jealous of Eda, without even meaning to, for getting to be so carefree? While Lilith wastes away taking care of her, by making up for her mistake with the curse all those years... Eda gets to actually grow up and outpaces her sister in terms of development- And this rather literally can be seen through Eda physically aging faster than Lilith, BECAUSE of the curse that Lilith cast! Because in the end, Lilith only has herself to blame for this, right?

And as Lilith looks back on the mental prison she’s built for herself, is she ever envious of Eda for getting to be her own person in the meantime, getting to build her own identity and connections? Angry that her younger sister, as always, gets to go ahead while Lilith is left behind, too busy working and taking care of her to have fun- That Eda’s carefree life comes at Lilith’s expense?! Hence why Lilith feels entitled to at least some reception on Eda’s part for all of her hard work, because Eda doesn’t realize Lilith is making up for the curse, so surely her effort comes across as more unconditional?

So why is Edalyn so ungrateful, acting like Lilith clearly isn’t trying!? Does Lilith think that Eda’s current, carefree happiness in life should be Lilith’s happiness (or least Eda AND Lilith’s), just as the Emperor’s Coven position should’ve been Lilith’s from the beginning- That maybe Eda is taking the life Lilith should’ve been owed from her! Why is Eda being so greedy, always taking from her, always asking for MORE, as if she doesn’t have it all- Why can’t she leave something for her older sister, who isn’t as talented or confident!?

And then Lilith thinks, that the curse was cast specifically BECAUSE of this, as if this is Eda’s fault... Only for Lilith to remind herself that, NO, this isn’t Eda’s fault, Eda is also dealing with the curse, she’s just as imprisoned as Lilith? And yet in the end... Lilith is right, Eda IS more free than her! No matter what Lilith does to reassure herself, her own life in the Emperor’s Coven is indeed worse than Eda’s seemingly ‘backwards’ situation as a wanted criminal, because at least Eda gets to learn and grow and be her own person, and EMBRACE that...!

And can Lilith even call herself free, now? She finally took on the curse… The sad thing is that Lilith could’ve easily taken the curse and shared it with Eda, so much earlier… But she never did, because in the end, Lilith also had her other insecurities and regrets, her issues with failing to recognize Eda’s actual motives. What’s worse, Eda lost all of her magic, when beforehand she was merely inhibited, but stillthe most powerful Witch in the Boiling Isles! And THAT was Lilith’s fault, directly… Because she was terrified of Belos, and resentful of Eda for not being with her. So she hurt Luz, and forced Eda to use up all of her remaining magic in the process…

So even in her attempts to cure the curse, to undo it… Lilith made things worse. Somehow, she made them even worse, and now HER magic is limited as well! But to someone as self-loathing as Lilith, that may as well be one of the few good things that came from this recent mess of events… Or not, because Lilith is no doubt struggling with productively handling her regret now. Now, she’s forcing herself to not wallow in self-pity, and make things better… But then that acknowledges her own pain from the curse as a BAD thing, and like with Amity, it’d be so much easier if it was secretly a good thing, that Lilith just deserved this all along and there would be some justice in the world if she was suffering!

But Lilith’s suffering won’t accomplish anything. In the end, all she can do is focus on healing Eda… But can she still trust herself? Because she spent decades of her life trying to cure the curse, and all it did was result in Eda and Lilith losing their magic! Eda completely losing hers, in fact…

And yet, DID Lilith actually work? Because she never did try to share the curse with Eda, not from the beginning. And that is also a horrific realization; That she wasted so many years of her life when she could’ve easily just shared the curse with Eda from the beginning. It wouldn’t exactly erase what had happened, but it would’ve led to a more repaired relationship, and perhaps Lilith confessing earlier than she did… And maybe, it would’ve led to Eda and Lilith fully recovering. Perhaps Eda wouldn’t have lost her magic, and with only half a curse, she could be strong enough to take on Emperor Belos himself! Who can say…

So, not only did Lilith waste years of her life working to undo the curse… But in the end, the solution was right in front of her! And she’d willingly ignored it…! And even if the curse HAD been shared, would Lilith have done the right thing and continued to support Eda, or would she still have tried to be with the Emperor’s Coven? Perhaps with half a curse, she’d have been rejected and forced to confront the truth of the corrupt system…

Alas. Lilith is a character who is fundamentally built on wasted potential; On what could have been, but never was! She could’ve been an actual person, she could’ve fixed her mistakes and owned up to them, she could’ve maintained a loving bond with her sister… But she didn’t. She could’ve had it all, really… But now she has nothing. Lilith is alone, she has no identity nor sense of self, and she’s lost so many years of her life that she’s not going to get back, a youth and glory days that were thrown aside.

Lilith could’ve been so much more, but instead she’s just nothing. And while Belos and his sickening system and environment that enables and encourages people to suffer like this is ALSO to blame, as is the sicko who sold a curse to a child… In the end, the most tragic part is that this was SO easily avoidable. That each mistake that Lilith kept on making, she could’ve easily fixed or at least mended. She could’ve chosen NOT to curse Eda… She could’ve chosen to share the curse… And so on, and so forth.

And no matter HOW horrible Lilith was, I don’t think anybody deserves that, to be so miserable, to invest so much effort for nothing, to realize how STUPID you were… To live in such utter regret, to waste so much of your life and existence, to lose all meaning… To lose so many wonderful opportunities because you were desperately focused on something else! And now that Lilith is finally free… Does she ask herself if it was worth it? Perhaps she should’ve kept to that dark place she once was in… Because she was already too far-gone. Because maybe if she’d kept trying, EVENTUALLY the effort would become worth it, because finally changing your heart would mean admitting it was all for naught, and it would mean finalizing the reality that you’d wasted so many years.

It’s like a gambler who keeps spending money, more and more, in the pitiful hopes of a lottery ticket! Because they’ve already LOST so much money beforehand, if they quit now, then it was all for nothing! But if they keep going… Then maybe they can make up for all of it, and won’thave been for naught! I low-key think that’s how Lilith operated, it’s why she spent so many years trying to cure the curse while at the same time avoiding accountability. In the end, she just keeps digging herself deeper and deeper… Which just ties into my past analysis, about Lilith being associated with Earth; Not just because of that metaphor, but also as someone who is a bird of a feather who can’t fly after the other… As someone stuck in her ways. As a person who has no identity but the one in association with someone else; Because in the end, Earth is Belos’ element. What identity that Lilith DOES have, what little she built, was all entirely the work and result of someone else.

Lilith was in a dark pit. She hit rock bottom, then grabbed a shovel and began tunneling. Years wasted in the darkness, digging deeper and deeper in hopes of striking that hidden treasure, because giving up means it was all worthless and a waste of time and effort… But never actually finding that goal!

…Until, a light comes into her life. A light illuminates Lilith’s life, and forces her to look around and realize where she’s gotten herself into. To realize just how AWFUL this situation is, a Light that reveals to Lilith the truth, that it isn’t going to get any better until she starts climbing upwards… Like her protege Amity, Lilith needs to learn not to be so hard on herself; Or at least divert more of that energy into actually fixing things.

Luz Noceda is the Light that changed SO many lives. Lilith was on a trajectory, one heading further and further into the darkness until she’d lose sight of herself and be too far disconnected from the world above, where Eda was; But Luz’s Light showed her the path. It helped Lilith navigate back the way she came, back to where she started…

And when Lilith arrives back where she started, perhaps, THEN, she can start on a new path. Because even if the beginning is nothing, at least from nothing, Lilith can start anew. She can start forging a different path, a productive one… And as scary as it is, resetting all of that past progress, it allows Lilith to make room to start anew. Luz’s Light and the beating of an Owl’s wings changed the air currents, altering Lilith’s trajectory. Now, after all this time…

She’s free. And instead of destroying herself, Lilith can actually starting making something new…

Luz saved her- That’s what that wonderful girl does. She saves people. This girl is Hope incarnate.

#the owl house #owl house #the owl house lilith #lilith clawthorne #the owl house eda #edalyn clawthorne #analysis #meta

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mobydickmusical · 5 years ago

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Every book chapter a song is named after: Knights And Squires (Ch 26 + 27)

Since most of the (most recent) tracklist is named after chapters of the book, I’m going to attempt to work through the whole of the show this way, talking a bit about my thoughts on each chapter’s translation into a song. Based on the tracklist chronology rather than the book chronology. Skipping the songs we’ve already heard, for obvious reasons.

Also fairly obvious, but even though I’m using the chapters to imagine the songs, I naturally can’t be sure how closely they’ll follow the text of that specific chapter (see, The Pacific, which actually follows completely different chapters).

(I’ve making these actually shorter, and just some dot-pointed thoughts rather than going through everything in the chapter, because I’d still like to write them down but also don’t have the energy, so).

The book chapters: these are two consecutive chapters that introduce most of the main players in the crew of the Pequod. (The mates as knights and their harpooners as squires). The first is dedicated entirely to the first mate, Starbuck, and focused around his relationship to courage. The second then goes through the second mate, Stubb; the third mate, Flask; the three harpooners belonging to each mate’s boat, Queequeg, Tashtego, and Daggoo; and an acknowledgment of the general make-up of the rest of the crew with a little shout-out to the cabin boy, Pip.

This’ll be where that tiny clip from The Public Theater workshop of the cast all singing “Queequeg, Tashtego, Daggoo” comes from.

In the musical, this song occurs directly after Loomings, i.e. unlike the book, which dwells onland for a while first, we’re onboard very quickly! This makes me think that the musical either explicitly takes place entirely at sea, or (probably more likely) is loosely rooted to exactly where it is happening.

A few songs in the musical are written in the tracklist as having multiple sections, K&S being the first song where this happens. I’m unsure if these sections are more likely to flow-on directly, or act more like seperated songs? But, in the case of Knights & Squires, the three sections are Knights & Squires I, Knights & Squires II, and Isolatoes. “Isolatoes” is a term which in the chapter is applied to the general crew of the boat, so I have to assume the first section is dedicated to Starbuck, the second to the other mates and harpooners, and the third to the rest of the crew:

They were nearly all Islanders in the Pequod, Isolatoes too, I call such, not acknowledging the common continent of men, but each Isolato living on a separate continent of his own. Yet now, federated along one keel, what a set these Isolatoes were! An Anacharsis Clootz deputation from all the isles of the sea, and all the ends of the earth, accompanying Old Ahab in the Pequod to lay the world's grievances before that bar from which not very many of them ever come back.

This term and quote also feel quite at home in what we know of Dave’s musical. Especially being “federated along one keel” and striving to “lay the world's grievances before that bar...”

Along similar lines but a bit more of stretch, I could maybe see “As for the residue of the Pequod's company, be it said, that at the present day not one in two of the many thousand men before the mast employed in the American whale fishery, are Americans born, though pretty nearly all the officers are” being shaped into lyrics in a way to refer to refugees and/or migrants in modern, capitalist America??

Queequeg is skipped over in this chapter because we already know who he is, but in the musical this is the first time we see him, so he does need an introduction. I feel like the obvious thing to do would be to just pull from Ch 12 Biographical?

Starbuck’s “Outward portents and inward presentiments were his” is a line I just really like. Also “What doom was his own father's? Where, in the bottomless deeps, could he find the torn limbs of his brother?”

Also, literally just like how the phrases “momentous men” and “kingly commons” sound together.

This song is an important moment in the show in regards to how you need the audience to pick up who all the "featured actors" are and get a first impression of their characters, one after another, in a short space of time. While you're not dealing with quite the amount of characters right from the get-go as Comet (literally) tells you to, there's obviously Some Degree of similar function making me think of Prologue. Which. On one hand, is a joking comparison because the way Prologue introduces the cast of characters is very silly, and the descriptions are intentionally both simplified and ironic. K&S has a lot more it needs to accomplish. On the other hand, Prologue has the structure it does because it's a great way to make people remember who characters are very quickly. Basically, more structured rhymes, repetition etc could definitely have a place in this song because it’d assist its function. Also, I could say you even see a little bit of that in the Public Workshop clip, with the cast all singing the harpooners names.

Can or could this be a more upbeat song? (Or part of it, w the three sections issue). At this point of the show we're three songs in, none of those songs nor the one directly after K&S really lend themselves to being upbeat at all, and it'd be the first time we hear from most of the characters so it's a spike in activity - a reasonable time to hit you with something more fast-paced, I feel. Also, in the workshop of Act I, this spot in the tracklist directly after Loomings is where the song The Ship was, which was pretty upbeat ("the Pequooood, she's a cannibal craft…" snippet one), but that song isn't in the tracklist anymore, so you're cutting that "please get pumped we're getting Into It now" moment, which maybe means K&S will have to make up for it in some way? Idk.

These chapters include a fair few moments of the heavy-handed foreshadowing/lack of the concept of spoilers which pervades this novel. Not 100% sure how much this'll translate? But I think it'll come across a fair bit, since A) Dave's Melville + Ishmael, and The Sermon, both already lean that way, and B) when you’re reading Moby Dick, it very quickly becomes never a question of suspense around how it’s all going to end, because it's consistently made pretty blatant, and a lot of people know the ending anyway. It's more about the suspense you get from being emotionally caught up in the process, the spiralling to that point right before your eyes. It’s just the idea of “how do you replicate that emotion and pace in a musical?”

#moby dick #moby-dick #moby dick musical #dave malloy #knights and squires #mdtracklistchapters #my post

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serenakeyser-blog · 7 years ago

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