#its really something i noticed about myself cuz if u like

[fuckitupfelix]

hi!!✨ i rlly rlly love your fics and idk how to say this but i wanna request u one, if thats alright! its about the reader being a manager at karasuno and openly gay, so one day (night, after practice) kageyama asks reader that how he knew he was gay, because he was doubting, and reader tells kags to practice kiss to really know if he's gay and they kiss kiss 💋💋 add things if you want cuz this may seem kinda short but its yr choice!! thank u

ahh thank you im glad you like my stuff!! this is such a cute idea ahh i hope i wrote what you had in mind well 🫶🫶

trial kiss ♡

kageyama x male reader

word count: 0.8k

how is he supposed to figure out if he likes guys?

FEM ALIGNED DNI

kageyama never really tried to give his sexuality a label, purely because he’d never really thought about it. sure, he thought some girls were pretty, but since most of his time was spent thinking about volleyball, he didn’t attempt to explore relationships any further. maybe he should have?

that didn’t really matter now, because now he’s sprawled out on the floor of the gym, eyes absentmindedly glancing over the ceiling. practice had just ended, and most of the team had gone to the clubroom to change. maybe he should go do that too— later, though. he’s got one main thing on his mind right now; (name). kageyama didn’t have any classes with him, so the only times he’d get to see him would be at lunch or during practice. he was curious about (name). yachi had mentioned him being gay when kageyama had tried to ask her for advice about guys, saying something about how (name) would be the better person to talk to. maybe he would.

(name) was always super attentive in conversations, giving everyone on the team tips on how to improve, and always bringing in extra snacks he’d make. he cared about his teammates.

kageyama finally sits up, his legs still stretched out in front of himself. his gaze falls onto (name), who’s currently tucking his notebooks into his bag.

“(name)-kun.” kageyama calls, and the manager’s head snaps up. “can i talk to you about something?”

(name) nods, shrugging his bag back onto the bench before making his way to where kageyama sat. he plops himself directly next to him, crossing his legs. “what’s up, kageyama?” he asks, leaning over.

kageyama shifts in his position, moving to stretch out his legs. “you’re. . . you’re gay, right?” he asks. he stiffens up when (name) laughs. was it a stupid question? was yachi wrong?

“yeah, i’m gay. any reason you’re asking?”

“how’d you, like. . .” kageyama furrows his eyebrows, his face morphing into a frown. “like. . . figure it out? did you always know?”

“mm, i definitely didn’t know my whole life,” (name) chuckles again, and this time kageyama notices how warm it sounds. “but i really liked one of my friends in middle school. i thought we were just really good friends and i cared about him a lot. but, deep down, i kind of knew that wasn’t true? like, i was lying to myself. one day, we were hanging out, and i kissed him.” he shrugs, leaning his body weight back onto his arms. he looks up at the ceiling, almost like his eyes were searching for something.

“but yeah! that’s how i figured out i was gay,” (name) grins.

kageyama frowns again. “so i need to kiss a guy to see if i’m gay . . ?” he asks. (name) laughs again.

‘warm. . . ‘ kageyama noted.

“i’m not saying you have to kiss a guy, that’s just what helped me figure myself out.” (name) pauses, an imaginary light-bulb glowing above his head. “you wanna try it now?” he grins.

“what, kiss you?” kageyama sputters, sitting up straight. “Seriously?”

“only if you want to!”

. . . kageyama did want to see if something would happen. it’s just a kiss, right? He’s kissed people before—- it was just one or two girls that kissed him on the cheek in elementary school—- but still! nothing bad would happen. It’s just to see if he’d like it.

“. . .okay.” kageyama nods. “sure.”

(name) nods. he scoots closer until their shoulders touch. he plants a firm hand on kageyama’s shoulder, rubbing his thumb over the fabric of his shirt subtly. it’s at this moment kageyama notices a few details about (name) he hadn’t noticed before; a lock of hair that looked the slightest shade lighter than the rest of his hair, how pleasant his smile was, and the fact that his hands were slightly colder than kageyama expected them to be, even through his shirt.

(name) leans in, and kageyama mimics, albeit a bit slower, and their lips connect. strange. that's the only word kageyama could think of to describe it. Just like his hands, (name)’s lips were kind of cold. it was almost refreshing. by the time all of these thoughts flit through his mind, (name) has already pulled back.

“So? what’d ya think?” he asks, tilting his head. kageyama was a bit confused— disappointed, almost.

“that’s it?” he voices his thought out loud, and (name) feels his face grow warm with embarrassment. “you didn’t like it, then?”

“no. i mean, i-i did. it was just. . . shorter than i thought.” he manages.

“ahh, getting greedy now, are we, kageyama?” (name) giggles, nudging his shoulder against the setter’s. “at least take me out on a date, first.” he jokes.

“okay.” kageyama says it so fast (name) has to do a double take. “okay?” he repeats.

“Yeah. i’ll take you out on a date. is that, uhh, okay? am i allowed to do that?” he asks, squinting.

“. . . of course you are. and i’d love to.”

i hope you liked it!!! i love kageyama so much aghh

divider by @/plutism !!

[yanderefarm]

You know whats the actual best thing? Cannibalism as a metaphor for love. When love is so burning and deep that you absolutely have to sink your teeth into them. You may potentially have noticed by my asks but I often have some kinda violent thoughts fueled entirely by adoration. I actually have occasionally realized I actually had a crush on someone cuz I felt the need to brutally murder them(usually biting their throat out or wanting to dig my hands into their organs, sometimes both). I just have big feelings and I need to express them by biting those I love. So thank you for the bits of cannibalistic content, I would love more.

-🪼

i feel like this is gonna come as a surprise but im actually not that into cannibalism. and i don't have the autism that makes me bite people.

graphic blood and gore are actually really triggering for me. despite my love of horror and freak shit. if you notice i try so hard not to use the word blood in my writing it's because just the word is a massive horrible turn off at the best of times. so I'll write the cleanest gore you can imagine. (i wouldn't write this stuff if it was triggering for me to do so. my brain doesn't make sense. dw about it im taking care of myself.)

so you can imagine being a sensitive lil baby with a horror addiction it's really hard for me to enjoy some content. cannibalism is one of those. i used to like it more as a teenager on antidepressants that made me completely numb to most things. I've always kind of been a fan of art depicting humans the same way meat in a butcher shop or a grocery store would be. i love that concept.

so like a little while ago i played the demo of this game called frost bite. its about a hot butcher who eats people and oh man. it reignited the tiny flame of love i have for treating humans like meat casually. i mean im on the side of vampires treating humans like cattle. im weirdly down for this whole premise.

so for me i don't really see the cannibalism as love. probably because whenever cannibalism is love its much too messy for me to handle. i do however think there's some romance in eating your partner's body in a casual way. treating your own partner like they're meat.

the romance of your partner watching you cut a steak made of their body and then enjoy it, savor the flavor. or like the op of that gambling anime. thats the real good horny shit.

name something hornier than this. u can't.

anyway that's all to say i will continue to provide the cleanest cannibalism and gore dw. nom nom

[lolipoptheclown]

its been two days a year daddy /ref

Hi im back! i expected that it would take way longer for me to start feeling mentally better, but the past couple days have been going shockingly well, like i got to drive a car!!!! im quite literally rick hedony u guys. uhm i have some small ratmeat doodles that i will post later+i might talk about a new oc (she's a sm oc but also not? its complicated LMAO) but uh yeah im back

also if you guys remember the guy who i said was online stalking me in that 'goodbye for now' post here's a quick (quick as in i skipped a LOT of stuff) explanation of whats going on if u wanna know (tw for just...manipulating things):

so theres this guy i used to be friends with in middle school but he did something bad+got kicked out of our friend group+moved schools but he is really obsessed with me specifically for some reason? (said he has dreams where we talk again irl, CREEPY) a lot of u guys probably havent been following me for long enough to have witnessed the next bit/never even noticed it at all anyway but he would make fake accounts pretending to be other people, befriend me, and then i would block him when i found out who it was. one time he caught me in one of my monthly mental health lows and when i called him out he was like 'im sorry i will be gone soon' and i panicked and became friends with him again cuz i didnt want him to off himself but he keeps trying to pressure me into stuff (like a drawing he made me do. i hate going through my at-home sketchbook and looking at it) like he always does+saying he will off himself if he loses me and when i get a new phone im blocking him again! im not responsible for his life! i fucking hate him, and myself for getting into this situation!

im just worried he will start stalking me again once he gets his own phone. but i dont have to worry about that for now!

[ecofear]

I've been following several of your blogs now over the years, and one of the things I noticed is how good you are at enjoying things unashamed and fully. It's so infectious and genuinely such a joy to see. I've been super depressed for years now and enjoying things can be super hard for me. But the way you talk about the things you are into at the moment somehow spurs me on to get a little silly about the things I like as well. Overall I think you are a kind, thoughtful and very genuine person and I'm very lucky to have stumbled upon you.

dkfgjfdlkgjd over the YEARS.... that means uve been following me since before i even started talking... cuz i was a completely silent blog until like a month after bg3 came out then i started yapping... so u an og...... remarkable u even remember i am the same person............

but thank u this is,, really really nice . i'm glad that i can help you a lil bit in that way, that makes me really happy T_T like i could cry a little JUST A LITTLE...... aaaaa

i often feel like the only things i got going for me in life are the things i really care about, media, games, movies, books, whatever, so i throw myself into them 100% cuz it makes being alive a lil easier, and if i can dominate my thoughts with these things and focus on them fully .. being alive feels really good. i am happy to be alive because i have this thing i love so much that i can't get enough of. but i don't think i experience that emptiness a lot of people who get like i do report? even if i'm not completely consumed anymore i still have the things i love and they keep me going.

i had a really rough childhood, i wont go into it but it was hard and it was video games that kept me alive. like when things were really bad for me my parents would often give me a new video game to focus on instead of the bad thing. and even without those gifts it was like...... i am here today because dynasty warriors exists and they released a new game CONSTANTLY so i always had Something and with how games used to be it took forever to unlock everything and my complete obsession with that series kept me alive.

I COULD GO ON but . tldr . i owe my life to how enthusiastic i am about the media i enjoy, and i'm never gonna stop being this way because i know the good it does for me. and i think maybe if youre struggling if u can just. idk. try really hard to mimic this energy and just be a bit unhinged and open and honest about how much you love and care about . a Video Game . or a Book. or whatever, maybe it'll fill ur brain with that instead of the bad stuff ? idk maybe that's a little too idealistic . i know how bad depression can get and that its not easy to do something like this. esp if it doesn't come naturally. but its really helped me. its kept me alive and kept me finding smth to smile about ..... ANYWAY.

thank you for saying nice things to me i really, really appreciate it. i'm lucky you sent this, that you felt brave enough to be open with me, even on anon, i know even when you hide your face it can be a little difficult you're still opening your heart to someone, you still gotta be strong enough to type it. so thank you. really ^_^ i hope things look up for you, i hope you're able to beat back and defeat your depression. you deserve to live life without depression

[theoldoor]

hello!! :] i haven’t been following you for thattt long but i just wanted to say i already absolutely adore your art and posts in general <3 i love all the details and information you talk about alongside your doodles, it makes it feel a lot more personal? like a better glimpse into your thought process on all the characters / drawings you choose to share. i don’t know if that even makes sense but i wanted to say it still, it’s something i’ve never really seen before and i find it to be so so cool! giving Fenrir lots of hugs as well he’s such an interesting guy!

wh wwhh ANON REVEAL URSELF WIAIAITTTT HTATS SO SWEEET THUTHUTHGUGNFKGALGSFAF

im sobbing pathetically rn THANK YOU SO MCUH?!!EFJHFU

i gotta took a moment and came back later to edit this cuz i started to giggle so hard

BUT YEAA im a yapper i love to yap, those little ramblings are my favorite part about these posts actually. i love learning about characters and i love writing my own, talking about character sketches/dynamics/etc is prob my favorite things lol. which u can totally see in these posts. im more of a writer than an artist if i say so myself, but its nice to get my writing noticed too CUUZZ USDUFOADF I PUT MORE EFFORTS INTO THTHEEMMM

[borathae]

Chapter 4

ooh looks like he is a gentleman

You can see it in the way he looks at his knees ever so often. dont tell me he slept

HE DID AHAHAH PLS this is peak comedy for me, idk i had this image of "ooh mysterious ancient being, must find sleep, and other stuff as something for the weak", basically a grandpa on him. (i see yoongi like that from reading the drabbles, but now that im reading it, tae felt like that in 1st chapter lol)

Of course not, I was merely resting my eyes” ofc i believe you, u were having a meditating/communicating with your ancestors moment

As if he doesn’t even notice his hand touching you the way it does. STOP I LITERALLY DIE EVERYTIME THIS HAPPENS WHEN IM READING LIKE AAAAAH *bites, slaps, giggles, fans myself, pretends to be dead soo much ah

Your chest heaves up and down in a heavy breath, your legs parting slightly. sis is gone already. mood

Come go with me. I SAID I HAVE NO TIME HEE HEE

Taehyung placed his hand on your thigh instead. OH NO HE IS GETTING DANGEROUS

Your nails dig into the edge of the seat, her: (literally made it, if only i had this devotion in my studies 😭)

Taehyung’s delight as another smirk washes over his face. He stops moving, the only sensation he allows you to feel is his big, warm hand against your inner thigh SDTOP I CANT HANDLE HIS ASS I CAN ALREADY IMAGINE THE FAKE GUM CHEWING AAAH

Tapping on your inner thigh rhythmical AAAAH WE MUST STAY FOCUSED BROTHER

Stay, fellow, I can read. I DOUBT I CAN IM LOSING MY SANITU

“Are you alright?” he rasps DO U THINK IM OK?????

My master’s. THAT FAST?? really said wanna see some speed?

You whine at the loss of touch, pulling at his necktie. PULLING NECKTIE WWWOOOO IM SQUIRTING

The door, which normally always squeaks, opens silently when Taehyung opens it mythical being or has strict parents pt 3 (pt 2 during the date)

I want to devour you.” yn my love, what if he actually does 😭(missed the vore tag on ao3 once and i have ptsd from that)

You’ll probably call me crazy but I named all of my houseplants after famous painters TAE MOVE UR ASS, SHE'S MINE WE ARE MARRIED BYE

Just mere seconds ago it felt like he wanted to devour you whole and now here he is, as patient as ever.  i take that back, we can be a throuple

I didn’t even hear you come outside mythical being or has strict parents pt 4

It’s one of those weirdly dishonest smiles again. maybe he is in lactose intolerant and is worried destroying ur toilet with the volcanic diarrhea

It makes you look so perfectly alive." THATS EXACTLY WHAT A VAMPIRE WOULD SAY. i would have said that tho lol

I guess you are right. What a silly thing for me to say."  OFC ITS VERY SILLY CUZ U IS MR.DRACULA

“Actually this is just a myth some misogynistic doctors made up in the sixteenth century to shame women for having sex”, SLAY now marry me

“so enjoy it ___ for as long and as passionate as you can.” THATS WHAT A GRANDPA WOULD SAY or A VAMPIRE

I am glad that you aren’t pretending with me hold ur horses he didnt say he is 95% honest, also the 5% could be more shocking than the 95%

swirling the tea in his cup with a flick of his wrist. LOOK AT DA FLICKA DA WRIST

My dream is to own a really big greenhouse. THE GARDEN IN THE DRABBLE

“you’re not having a heart attack, are you?” damn grandpa is dying (im sorry i had to)

OH SHIT WHATS GOING ON?? did she put some anti-mythical being stuff in the tea?

0-100 real quick

she is so cute im feeling it soo well, you wrote those parts well. it made me feel like im intruding them

Throw it on the floor *starts throwing it back Tae: i meant the tie me: oh sorry, silly me

that wasnt me, that was the demons bye

He has a really nice spine, my bestie to me - your spine is ... um how do i put it to words, spines very well. i will definitely count them for anatomy 💀💀LIKE STOP AT LEAST ITS BETTER COMPARED TO 4TH GRADE

thankfully Taehyung can’t read minds because this was one silly thought. you sure about that? u sure about that??👀👀

OH MY GOD HE IS IRRESISTIBLE LIKE STOP JUST AAAAH

Dearmotherofchrist what the hell? Okay, goodbye cruel world this is how you will die. PLS 😭😭

This is madness. Heaven. ME AT YOU POOKIE

besides, we have many more occasions to practice your stamina SUCH A TEASE AAH

im sick and feeling cold. guess who isnt cold anymore cuz they are reading a smexy, gobsmacking as usual smut by THE MOMMY, SIBI?? ME YALL. a hoe(mentally) doesnt get cold, until they get runny nose.

don’t rip it because this cost like forty bucks” WE LOVE REALISTIC SMUT HERE

He scissors them, fucking in and out of you slowly. His teeth craze over your nipple before he bites down. poeple died sir I DIED

During class, on the bus, whilst talking to people. same here girly pop, relatable after reading smut

watching you be like this drives me crazy I AM CRAZY

me: i hope i dont fall him: he praises me: ana oop

It is a stupid name, but it has never been more accurate than tonight. no it aint stupid when true af

"Hold me"..“That’s it, draw me in deeper. Keep me there” bye i will be jumping off the cliff(my bed's name)

seven matches this soo well, cuz its sexy but very romantic

that was too hot until u think (wait this is bts songs in a nutshell)

 oh boi tae is just trying feel humanity, life, and the whole "live in the moment", "yolo" by asking to hold closer and feel what she is feeling

horny - sad real quick. (bts albums and playlists be like)

Sex is merely a wonderful byproduct from being with you. You have truly bewitched me, body and soul” this is too good holy fuck

reminds me of blood sweat and tears lines and the whole mood is hold me tight

they are soo cute, being all warm and cozy with each other.

shitting tears as we speak bye,

the emotions were emotioning, smut smuting (do i even have to say about this anymore lol) i love how your smut isnt just focused on sexy parts, emotionally, yes very much connected and love it and also shows other parts, like its soo easy to have the entire view from pillow to toes, with lil frames with focused parts.

now that we still havent seen 2seokkook, its making more nervous like

EXCUSE ME??GOOGLE JUST VIOLATED ME 💀

HE DID AHAHAH PLS this is peak comedy for me, idk i had this image of "ooh mysterious ancient being, must find sleep, and other stuff as something for the weak", basically a grandpa on him. (i see yoongi like that from reading the drabbles, but now that im reading it, tae felt like that in 1st chapter lol)

this is actually so funny HAHHAHAH he is always acting like such a well-put mysterious man and then he is sleeping in class BHAHAHAHAH

As if he doesn’t even notice his hand touching you the way it does. STOP I LITERALLY DIE EVERYTIME THIS HAPPENS WHEN IM READING LIKE AAAAAH *bites, slaps, giggles, fans myself, pretends to be dead soo much ah

this is so valid HE IS SO HOT LIKE SIR PLEASE FADNFDSN

Taehyung’s delight as another smirk washes over his face. He stops moving, the only sensation he allows you to feel is his big, warm hand against your inner thigh SDTOP I CANT HANDLE HIS ASS I CAN ALREADY IMAGINE THE FAKE GUM CHEWING AAAH

the gum chewing pisses me off with any other person BUT ITS SO HOT WHEN HE DOES IT LIKE PLEASE KEEP DOING IT SIR IMMA SUCK YOUR COCK

You whine at the loss of touch, pulling at his necktie. PULLING NECKTIE WWWOOOO IM SQUIRTING

jajdfj valid.

I want to devour you.” yn my love, what if he actually does 😭(missed the vore tag on ao3 once and i have ptsd from that)

NO BUT WHAT IF??? oh god hahhaha I feel you I once missed the impregnation tag and actually triggered myself when he started speaking about putting babies in her like BACK OFF ILL BITE YOUR BALLS OFF

It’s one of those weirdly dishonest smiles again. maybe he is in lactose intolerant and is worried destroying ur toilet with the volcanic diarrhea

PLEASE hhahahhaha this would be so iconic of him tbfh

“Actually this is just a myth some misogynistic doctors made up in the sixteenth century to shame women for having sex”, SLAY now marry me

he is SO HOT I need him to fuc-

My dream is to own a really big greenhouse. THE GARDEN IN THE DRABBLE

👀👀👀👀

OH SHIT WHATS GOING ON?? did she put some anti-mythical being stuff in the tea?

THAT IS A VERY GOOD QUESTION INDEED

He has a really nice spine, my bestie to me - your spine is ... um how do i put it to words, spines very well. i will definitely count them for anatomy 💀💀LIKE STOP AT LEAST ITS BETTER COMPARED TO 4TH GRADE

LISTEN. don't judge me but I genuinely think that spines (inside the body where they're supposed to be) can be so sexy like if someone has a nice spine I just wanna trace and lick and kiss and touch it like-

thankfully Taehyung can’t read minds because this was one silly thought. you sure about that? u sure about that??👀👀

THE RIGHT QUESTION INDEED

im sick and feeling cold. guess who isnt cold anymore cuz they are reading a smexy, gobsmacking as usual smut by THE MOMMY, SIBI?? ME YALL. a hoe(mentally) doesnt get cold, until they get runny nose.

I gain ten years of life each time one of you calls me Mommy HAHHAHA like yes I am indeed mother HFAHDSF

don’t rip it because this cost like forty bucks” WE LOVE REALISTIC SMUT HERE

BAHHAHAHAH I LOVE REALISM

me: i hope i dont fall him: he praises me: ana oop

BITCH (affectionate) SAME HOLY FUCK praise works so well with me like it got me thinking about the person for the next five weeks for real

 oh boi tae is just trying feel humanity, life, and the whole "live in the moment", "yolo" by asking to hold closer and feel what she is feeling

*sobs*

reminds me of blood sweat and tears lines and the whole mood is hold me tight

OMFG I LOVE THIS THANK YOU

shitting tears as we speak bye,

hahahhaa shitting tears jfadsjf

the emotions were emotioning, smut smuting (do i even have to say about this anymore lol) i love how your smut isnt just focused on sexy parts, emotionally, yes very much connected and love it and also shows other parts, like its soo easy to have the entire view from pillow to toes, with lil frames with focused parts.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR SAYING THIS!!! that's exactly what I want most of my smut to be for 😭😭😭

[blueiight]

hello! how are you?

for the series ask, could you do lotgh?

hi! this question is framed so politely… im hangover grumpy but other than that im doing well..

Favorite character

cheating a little by doing this in tiers so empire side i like reinhard, kircheis, oberstein, reuenthal & hilde… alliance side i like yang, jessica, schonkopf (u notice i like good ideological challenges to MCs in this series) & julian

Second favorite character

n on the next tier of faves is mittermeyer, dusty, dominique, elfriede (an enemy of reuenthal is a friend of mine), frederica (if only tanaka knew women had interiority amirite), and many more

Least favorite character

its not so much least favorite character so much as it is i feel like bc tanaka really is so harsh about religion (& i say this as a nonbeliever myself but u cant deny that religion is a powerful social force) the entire earth cult as a concept really suffers in the writing of canon... and ova designers what the fuck was they doing w machungo’s design

The character I’m most like

ummmm ..i think if i said it id be subject to fines and cancellations so... u can decide ^_^

Favorite pairing

reinhard/kircheis, mittermeyer/reuenthal, reinhard/reuenthal, everybody/yang .. getting into crack pairs here dominique/el & ferobe :3

Least favorite pairing

its not hate cuz i love their dynamic but framing reinhilde as a love match is hilarious .. i can buy yang/frederica cuz yang is need of mommy doms but reinhilde is a lavender marriage. also ry would also be a lavender marriage to me the appeal of reinyang is yang to reinhard is like the girl that got away .. reinhard’s one true ‘equal’ that he could never gain supremacy over or sublimate into his camp. and yang has a sort of abstract admiration for reinhard as a historical figure but also recognizes that hes his ideological foe/nightmare of sorts in the present lol

Favorite moment

the kunmel incident itself, when reuenthal is at his desk in the ova and is like ‘this is everything in my life that built up to this incident’ (literally have a drunken thinkpiece about it somewhere on this blog), hilde saving reinhard at vermillion, reinhard & yang meeting..the dishonor gaiden (ngl i need me some thyoxin)+ ‘dont be nice to anyone but me and my sister kircheis’ gaiden …oberstein’s REDACTED

Rating out of 10

7.5/10, to me history, mini odysseys n shit n mythmaking by characters in a narrative is something tanaka seems to have a consistent interest in if u take his other works into account and i feel like u can tell that lotgh was his first foray into space opera & milsf w/o even getting into his other works .. theres lingering plot threads that dont rly go anywhere or arent answered satisfactorily (the entire earth cult-fezzan-lang connection is rly weak in terms of writing. yang disavowing conspiracies & terrorism as ‘impacting the flow of history’ couldve been a cruel stroke of irony if the terrorist conspiracy was in anyway narratively coherent).& an overarching motif of the series being the idea of ‘might makes right’ not only attracts an unsavory crowd of fans to say it politely.. but it also weakens a good bit of the series as yang is physically ‘weak’ but mentally + strategically a genius , he has no real conflicting force in his camp outside of schonkopf at a certain point where reinhard has oberstein hilde + reuenthal who all have their own ideological deigns on him as hes the leader of his camp. yang being so cerebral + very easygoing/bereft of the desire to have power dynamics despite being a military leader (seeing his subordinates as friends, rather than lord and master) makes him a very fun character but in later arcs it lends him to being a bit of a device/ insert for meta ideals more than having internal conflicts as a character of his own right & it makes me so sad bc just when he has one of his biggest dilemmas he CENSORED. also if the story dealt w/ reinhard’s final arc more (namely the revelation he has of REDACTED considering how much of his identity is built around his militaristic might) id rly love it. im speaking vaguely bc my friends r watching & ion wanna spoil and i also feel like im being mean to this series but i rly do like this series TTvTT

[gyahyahyahayhahayahyahyahyahyaha]

oh fucki almostf orgot i had this super long dream

so ther5e was like... hmmmm

a sandy desert with a couple of shifting palaces (like their form and structure would change pretty often but kept turning back to this one particular form. i wish i could remember enough to describe it cuz i think i twas like this actual type of architecture)

the desert could be seen from within this like. hotel?/motel? this transdimentional hotel with these like dingy greenish an sorta yellowish colours all overthe floors n walls. some paleish browns as well here n there. sometimes it’d look nice withsome like floral/spiral patterns but sometimes it was just some wierd plaid or striped patterns and it’d look like disorienting or smth. idk if it was me making the place do this or it was like a symbiotic relationship in which the hotel would do me some favours if i asked nice enough, but it would extend and bend and reshape itself to take us places as well as accomodate whoever found their way in. i guess i was like (one of?) the caretaker(s) or smth of this place. the desert was seen from this long hallway with no doors cept for at the end of the hall where it became a 4 way intersection. facing that end of the hall, there would be these large glass walled windows that didnt have any visible way to open or close them. i was talking to someone while standing in this hallway and pointing out the palace we could see up on a sandy hill. it was like the palace itself was a boat int he middle oft he ocean as it changed back n forth between its difffent forms... i guess a quick way to describe the hotel itself is if that one windows 98 screensaver with the pipes had a hotel inside of it as it snaked its way around where ever it was going

i ended up at this building. i cant remmeber if it was like a mall or a warehouse. or maybe it was an auditorium??? a performance hall? maybe all of the above... idk. anyways something happened there and it was a huge mystery that me n a few other ppl were tryna figure out. pretty sure there was multiple bombs involved.

me and whoever else were traveling via the hotel tried to reach the palace in the desert but ended up in this cave instead. it was mostly full of water everything was lit up by this pale blue fluorescence and i would tryto dive as far as i could. whenever id founfd myself reaching my limit, id call out to the hotel to “pick me up” and a door with a wall attached would appear and id lift it above my head so as to avoid flooding the hotel and climb up into the doorway. id take a breather, collect myself and then dive back in and repeat this process until i reached a certain point in the cave.

come tothink of it i dont think i ever saw or set foot inside any of the hotel rooms., id walk into an area thru the hallway and try to set up like a clearing and a dining hall or a lounge or smth. but i never saw any of the hotel’s like room. the doors leading to those rooms were in most of the hallways but i never actually needed one of those roooms so i guess i just never bothered.

i do remember this one point where we were in this dark city. i was in this like skyscraper office building and used its bathroom to wash my face.... somethign tried to crawl into my eye then.... i managed to stop it but aghhhghh fuck i wish i could rmemeber literally any of the ppl i saw in the dream. anyways someone had just walked outside of their room in the hotel, into the bathroom as i was struggling with the like. thing that tried to forcibly enter my eye. they noticed me just as i was disposing of whatever it was and was like “u good?” and i asked them about how good the water pressure from the hotel bathrooms was. we started having a convo about how the hotel “worked”. we talked fora WHILE but alls i really remmeber saying is, “i just take care of the hotel, cleaning it up, fixin it up an dealing with whatever else comes up. idk lol.” and we left it at that. we were walking down thru the office cubicles in thei office building and the only light coming in was form the night sky. we stopped to look outside fo ra bit and then something not too many buildings away just blew up. we looked straight at it wondering whether we should investigate or not and then suddenly i remembered to tell the person i was with, “you’d better be taking care of your room an cleaning up any messes you make at the hotel“. they looked away with an affirmative grunt and as soon as they did another building blew up, a lil bit closer this time. the shockwave shattered the glas in front of us which was compelling enough for us to go check it out but not before we both took a moment to take in the rush of fresh air that came rushing in. i turned around to do a backflip out the window abut as i did i noticed someone was watching us from round a corner. the other person beside me did a triple salchow i think iirc, as we were falling out the building i asked if they saw that person hiding round the corner and then the dream ended after we called up the hotel and fell in safely thru the open doorway atha appeared in front of us.

[fxirybun]

too damn true!!! i also feel like with ur last point that ppl dont seem to remember as easily compared to previous times? for instance whenever theres a "new" tiktok trend i look at it and realise its not actually "new" just something that the newer generations seem to think they created or made it new again.

its like kids or teens nowadays are so focused on their online life that they forget things have been done before in a less than new way so to see aesthetics that have been around long before thenselves come back as an aesthetic more than a lifestyle baffles me. particularly with y2k, not only do the 00s feel too long ago ngl we had so much good stuff but its like if you search it on youtube all ppl say is how trashy it was just because they didnt live in the era of it or they put an importance of aesthetics without realising they really wouldnt cope without the internet but its more so they prefer how something looks from that era, than anything else, i dont think anyones whos chronically online (myself included) would realistically want to have zero internet in current times it really gives fomo honestly its so bad.

if u arent doing what everyone else is doing its so bad making us feel further behind bc time aint slowing down for nobody. we 30 somethings had a lot too but i feel that gen z just dont realise the difference in society between then and now and it seems vastly different i cant explain it? thats why i feel like we were in some sort of time alteration device in or around 2019 cause nothings felt normal since then and even ppls behaviours and just the way they "think" has been altered so much and it always has to accomodate to whatever is going on both online and irl, the fact we have to try to mentally separate the online version from our physical selves is bonkers. thats whag i mean its totally different and idk if its a good kind of different or bad. im even seeing this crop up with new generation kpop groups and my faves ultimately they still are very much chronically online even if they are on a break. its actually hard to keep up with this stuff going on all the time hbu?

that reminded me of the whole baggy jeans & flared jeans trend and how my mom told me that these jeans used to put a chokehold on them back in the 90s lol. we be following the 3 Rs rules 😆 : reduce , reuse , recycle.

well.. if the shoes fit , fits them 🤷‍♀️ and the majority of teens are usually in their experimenting phase wherein they get to try new things that they're curious about. been there , done that ◔_◔ an example would be my little brother who's in his mid-teen years. he's experimenting with some clothes and would mix n match them cuz it's "trendy". i find his fashion questionable because of the layered tops and pants he's wearing 😭 like bro it's freakin hot outside and you're going to wear that ?? tho i'm not gonna stop him , letting him explore and find his niche (˘̩̩̩ε˘̩ƪ)

you know the whole "emo phase" back in the early 2000s and how people would throw shade on it ? well surprise surprise cuz tara yummy , johnnie guilbert , and jake webster are trending , and how their goth / emo fashion is making its way on trends.

gen z's are individuals who aren't afraid to express their opinions and are pretty much self-aware as to what's going on in this world. i find it admirable because their voices are being used to change the current societal expectations of what the govt or any politician had established.

i do feel that the whole pandemic was a major catalyst for all of us and how everything seems to be happening too fast. but i kid you not with this one cuz some of the millennials and gen x peeps i know irl has been noticing how we gen z's have no presence in mind and that we have short attention spans 😭

well , they're right with that one cuz i noticed it from my blockmates , the younger students , and my skibidi toilet siblings. and you shouldn't feel bad about not being able to catch up cuz i'm on the same page as you lmao ( T_T)＼(^-^ ) i had no idea what a "fanum tax" meant not until my little brother who's a gen alpha told me its meaning 💀 there's a new wave of slangs too and how i was left in confucius at first but i got a hold on it over time.

[pwblogarchive]

February 2006

February 1, 2006

paris in a flash. breath in the air. love is the kind of magic you save for when you are cornered. its your backup. sing a scandal. papparazi on songs. tu es belle.

2/1/06 Q&A

question

are you aware that people are saying that theyll go to many of your shows on the black clouds and underdogs tour that they really arent going to go to? i noticed on the my local bands thing that people from arizona said that theyre going to the columbia show. does this mean theyre getting more points than everyone else? is this fair? what about all the honest kids out there that just want to see you guys and have fun? thanks! love you pete!

answer

we’re weeding out the cheaters. dont worry. keeping it honest will pay off in the end.

question

hey pete, at the aol sessions thing, why was andy in a whole different room? k well shelby

answer

he smells terrible. no. well haha- in order to record live drums and have it sound okay its better to isolate each instrument- especially with cymbals.

question

Yo Pete. I got my bamboozle tickets and I was wondering…are you guys gonna play like 4 songs, or a full set?

answer

we are most definitely going to play a full set.

question

have u ever taken a naked picture with nothing but a box of frosted flakes covering ur pieces and spaces? my myspace friend tony has… get it cuz tony the tiger……

answer

doesnt he wear like a bandana? thats kind of erotic.

question

PETER! So are you really engaged and having a baby?

answer

totally. we live in a castle in the sky and my backyard is made out of clouds. its real great except for when the dragon comes around.

question

hey love��my little sister is getting major surgery next week (7yrs old)….shes getting a feeding tube put into her stomach, and this time theyre going to have to move her organs around and try not to puncture them…and she loves you and patrick, you especially (she only listens to songs where she hears you in it..screaming)so if you have anything to say to her…cuz shes a wreck over this…she should be…and any suggestions for me, because…right now shes emotionally stronger over this than i am…i just keep on thinking if something goes wrong….anyway, thanx pete

answer

prettymuch you just need to think positively. you have not been made sisters by a series of accidents or coincidences. clearly, you love eachother and the best thing you can do is be there for her. ill think about her before i go to sleep tonight.

question

I heard that FOB is breaking up is it true xo

answer

no way. we are on our second honeymoon.

question

Ive never met you. All I know about you are internet rumors and what is on this website. And for some reason I find this easier to say to you than anyone I know. Im going through a really hard time in my life, where I feel that I dont fit in. Even with my close friends. At church, at home, everywhere. I dont even know myself now. Im so confused about everything, Im questioning my own religion, my morals, whats right and wrong…everything. I dont know what to do, and I have times when I just want to give up. I keep a razor in the drawer next to my bed just in case. I need help…and I dont feel like I can tell anyone, but just typing this all down makes me feel slightly better, knowing that maybe someone might read this and care about a small town nobody gives me enough strength to go on for another day.

answer

i totally understand what you are saying. i wish i could say that it all goes away, but i think these are things that will plague us all until our deathbed. i would definitely throw the razor away, you dont need it- its not a solution- sometimes its easier to take it kind of one breath at a time… you know? its easier in small steps.

question

What does “im two quarters in a heart down” mean?

answer

i was trying to through to someone on a payphone, it was a 50 cent call from where i was to them.

February 2, 2006 

1:16 pm 

this city helps me forget love doesn't bore me. it disappoints me. there is a pile of lamps and clocks stuck on 11:11. cause i wish i could fucking believe you. 

February 6, 2006

Amsterdam to los angeles.

I am in love with being home.

If you come out to the house of blues in la tommorrow we are playing a super smal show with: jacks mannequin and shiny toy guns. Its already sold out but were gonna give out 5 free tickets. Don’t get your hopes too high.

You aren’t my goodluck charm anymore.

February 7, 2006

momma and poppa are cute. they were all at the hob la show. my dad says "will you please introduce your mother to jay-z". jigga and my mommy totally chatted.

wow.

oh and the show was amazing.

- petey

2/07/06 Q&A

question

Sometimes you write about seeing “old fall out boy fans” at shows. How can you tell? No way you recognize all those faces. Also, I just wanted to say that my first memory of FOB was in the local section (i guess cause andy is from menomonee falls and the store was in milwaukee) of a record store by my house a few years ago & now the same band is on TV & t-shirts across the nation. fall out boy: what a trip.

answer

my visual memory is pretty good. usually i can remember faces. sometimes i am off. but i definitely remember kids in every single town. i can’t remember any names ever- my auditory memory is terrible.

question

JT LeRoy mystery solved: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/11215643/page/2/  

answer

disappointing.

February 8, 2006 

5:04 am 

so you want the truth been living just outside of okay for awhile now. but its changing. whatever story you heard about me is not true. im pretty sure im not gonna bring home a grammy tommorrow. but i will have lots of good pictures. how i am feeling about someone is always changing. except i am allowed to be happy inside my head right now. ive been scared of everything for far too long. i haven't let myself be alright. but ive done alot of thinking on the 12 hour flight here. i just like being around certain people. new friends make my heart flutter. old ones make me feel homesick. been going to grammy parties all week. yeah im that guy in the corner lurking hard. its kinda creepy. ive been training the last month for our video- however i think i may have sprained or fractured my foot in the last day. if this thing turns out the way it is supposed to- it will be the most epic thing fall out boy has ever done. i dont miss you but i do miss the idea of you. i went and looked at houses out in california again today- i want to get a dog and a backyard. maybe not just yet. but maybe. my clock is ticking on your pretty face. my dad got drunk tonight and talked shit to all of my friends. pretty amazing. i wish i had it on video. total release the bats two material. i want to do a tv show like the wonder years starring fall out boy. i don't think any networks would be too interested. dont call it a comeback. put pennies on my eyes when i die. you are new moons and fresh sheets and the end of that one dream. love the fancy kid. 

2/09/06 Q&A

question

do you ever wish you could start life all over again?

answer

yes. i think about it all the time. i would try and be more honest and not make so many mistakes.

question

I am holding my breath until the new Fall Out Boy video. When do you expect it to be finished?

answer

itll be done filming on tuesday- i promise you this is one of a kind. do not expect dance, dance again.

2/10/06

question

In the video Dance, Dance, you wispered to Patrick something. What did you whisper? And what was your favorite album and video that you made?

answer

“ive got to pee so bad”

question

pete, are you and ashlee simpson sexing?? ~the boardies P.S. she doesnt love you like we do

answer

okay just because this question has been asked one million times— we are friends. she is a sweet girl. ps- i could never lololove a girl as much as the boardies.

question

so what products do you use to keep your face blemish free?

answer

pore cleanser, reinvigorator, and a t-zone moisturizer by ponds.

question

why is Patrick the on;y one who smiles in like all of your albums and postres and stuff? i mean i was looking at the cover to “take tis to your grave” and patrick was the only one smiling.

answer

he makes us all super sad right before the pictures are taken always. and then smiles cause he likes it when people are sad. or the other answer is i dunno.

February 19, 2006

things that both currently annoy and amuse me:

ariplanes

"hottie mchottie" and other hilarious lines that should not be said.

east coast weather.

west coast girls.

yawning.

being awake all night.

i am tired.

- petey

February 19, 2006

posted from petes friends or enemies blog

February 19, 2006

i feel like howl from howls moving castle embodies every single feeling that goes through my head.

that is all. i am in the lobby of a hotel in new york city waiting for something that isn't ever going to happen.

i am calculating all of the legs and drunken stutters. i am precise. i am a machine. i am a hot mess.

- petey

February 19, 2006

i heard fall out boy on the radio for pretty much one of the first times ever last night. it made me once again realize that 99 percent of the reason anyone will ever like this band is because patrick has the best voice on the planet. that kid is the golden ticket.

i want a girl that wont laugh at anyone elses jokes.

i want a girl i can love in hour increments.

i want all of my ex loves to love me forever.

the new video will suprise you.

pictures soon at:

www.clandestine.buzznet.com  

www.friendsorenemies.com  

February 19, 2006

we put the f.u. back in fun so ive been reading many peoples diatribes lately. about what punk rock is and how bullshit this whole scene is. about how we all need to fuck off and die. well the truth is youre so fucking brave and i am so fucking cliche. i am okay with that. but i believe in these songs and these eyes and these sweated out rooms. the words your write hurt my eyes and my back is sore from being hunched over the screen all night. you cheapen what i do by casually throwing barbed statements at my friends and fans. leave. we don't fucking need you. we dont care what you think about us. we dont need to sit in clubs and watch you excuse yourself to the bathroom every 20 minutes, just cause we know how it goes. we dont need to watch you onstage. the best songs sing themselves. ive said it since day one. this is my rushmore. this saved me. fuck you for trying to ruin it. new songs are my middle finger back to you. im sorry youre gonna have to wait awhile to hear yourself called out through the speakers. i love the way they always ask to see my room key when i walk into my hotel at night. like i do not belong. because i do not belong. i love opposition. i love the haters. i love mondays. i love accidents. i love "no more chances". i love walking through this city at night where i do not know anyone. because i do not know anyone. i love secret shows. i love coded messages. i love the way you have me figured out so much better than i have myself figured out. 

xo peterabbit

2/19/06 Q&A

question

thank you for not making craptastic videos. Will continue with the making of noncrappiful videos with this next one?

answer

well see. i think this one is gonna be a 180 degree change. i hope you like it.

question

Is the world ever going to be luck enough to get a Fueled By Ramen tour? Say with you guys, the academy is…, panic! at the disco, and days away? Or any other of the Fueled By Ramen crew?

answer

we are planning a decaydance tour for next summer possibly- tai, panic, gym class, and a couple others are all possible tourmates.

question

p33t!please give us some hints about the video?!? do you know when its going to be finished for our viewing pleasure?

answer

okay think kungfu hustle meets the lost boys meets the warriors.

2/22/06

question

Lately it seems like you, not as a band, but as a person have been undergoing a lot of minor changs, which together are seeming to make you an unrecognizable person to some. Is the Wentz we all came to know and trust really deteriorating in front of us? You guys, and your music, and your humor are a stable thing in the lives of many, and the idea that you wont be staying as we thought we knew you for even just now honestly scares the shit out of me. Are the few of us going to have to distance ourselves before we end up following and befriending something we cant even recognize, or are you still for better or worse going to be the ingenious, hilarious smartass we see you as?

answer

i dont know how to answer this question. i think if i was truly deteriorating before you i would still answer that i wasn’t because id feel nervous revealing that. at the same time i feel that i love more and more spending afternoons walking through this city by myself away from all of this nonsense. if that makes any sense. i dont really know who you know me as- i dont really know who i know myself as- i am sorry i dont have a better answer. i am as confused as you.

question

Does Patrick know that he is my Schmexy lil Lepricon?? because he really really is.

answer

wow. haha. i will be sure to pass it along.

question

I miss the old Peter , bangs , eyeliner and all . Im so sad.

answer

the old peter didn’t have any of those things. its just a hair cut. its just makeup. its just my bone structure. its just a picture. focus one evrything else there is- the words, the music, the laughs, the jokes, the connection, the sweaty haze in the room right before the last song. everything is gonna be ok. patrick, pete, joe, and andy are making a new record and a video to scare off anyone that ever thought any of us were pretty.

question

peter, youre such a dino-whore. can we expect you and the guys to be doing any skits on SNL?

answer

no

question

you and hey chris arent friends anymore. sadness. do you think this will be ever resolved and you guys will be friends again?

answer

im only answering this question so it will not be asked again: i don’t believe in bringing or speaking about situations with my friends or family online. they are the only part of my life that i guard intensely. i hope that you will respect that. what goes on with me and chris is between me and chris and i have never and will never address it online or milk it for attention.

2/24/06

question

will we be getting a pre-MTV look at the A Little Less Sixteen Candles a Little More Touch Me music video like we did with Dance,Dance? The few pics i saw reminded me of Michael Jackson for some reason.

answer

there will be more and more pictures over at www.friendsorenemies.com - im not sure if we’ll have a video preview ready in time. this thing is gonna be different. don’t expect 80s highschool movies and usher dancing -

2/26/06

question

why is pete such an asshole and patrick such a sweetheart?

answer

hahaha. true. when we were being made into a boyband by lou pearlman he was like: patrick you are gonna be the shy guy and pete you are gonna be the badboy with attitude. i cant help it. you dont argue with lou.

question

PETE YOU MAN WHORE BAND NAMES. PLEASE

answer

caps lock does not make up for not using enough words to be understood.

question

can you help me think of a new away message

answer

blinkhurleyiheartbilljoe41: “hi, i am outside breathing oxygen. the sunlight hurts my beady little eyes cause i sit in a dark room on the internet all day and night. my legs feel wobbly because i have been looking a n00ds all day. please be my friend in real life and not just on the dorkweb.”

question

I want to go to a secret show obviously, but where are we supoosed to look for these “clues”?

answer

they are all over the place. look hard: clandestine.buzznet.com - friendsorenemies.com - www.fueledbyramen.com

question

Pete, the new october fall cd is amazing. will you please tell Patrick that I think his voice is amazing in that song. his voice is always amazing, but there is just something else to his voice in Second Chances!! and now for my question… is decaydance looking at any new bands that you might sign in the near future?? Youshouldsignfictioncityyoushouldsignfictioncity!!!

answer

thank you… october fall should suprise some people i think… we are always looking for new bands. i will check them out.

question

which person from the simpsons would you most like to date??and why.:0

answer

hahaha tricky….. hmmm. marge i guess. but you know she has a BOYFRIEND.

question

Why is it that the songs do not match their titles?

answer

they do.

question

Im thinking of selling my PATD ticket, persuade me that seeing them will be worth the expenses!

answer

listen to their record. that is your persuasion. trust me.

question

Pete, Ive had a hard time talking to anyone about this, so I just thought that I could say it to you. Recently my Nan died. This has been my first experience with death in my family. Ive been distraught, but no ones really talked to me about it. I keep thinking that my mom or dad or one of my sisters will die, and Im always worrying about them. Its really driving me crazy. I dont know how to get past all this. Thanks for reading this. Your music is what has kept me going this long. x

answer

ive felt this before. its strange how the more you watch tv and the world around you- the more you think about people around you dying. it can drive you crazy. it can make you hang on too tightly. to me the only answer is to treasure the people around you. so youll never feel like you missed out. live every day.

February 28, 2006

3:50 pm (from HeyChris)

an open letter to pete wentz.

it takes a lot to make me mad. 

it takes even more to infuriate me.

so, after all this time i finally learned the truth. that it was you telling my ex girlfriend lies and secrets. despite even giving you the pass card after i caught you trying to talk dirty to her online, this is how you repay me? no wonder why you couldnt look me in the eye on the bus last summer and no wonder why you avoided me every chance you got. 

you hug me and tell me you love me then you tell lies to my girlfriend behind my back to lure her away from me? you tell her i cheat on her and then you tell me to come stay on the bus?

you are a spineless fucking sham.

i regret every second i spent defending you and your selfish ways. 

dont forget, i know you. not that shitty glammed up poser image you present to the masses to consume. the dude i knew never would have worn a fucking dinosaur shirt or sold out one of his friends. the dude i knew had heart and fucking loyalty. well lil buddy, you are fucking done.

you want to sell me out to the most important person in my life and then have the audacity to make ME think I did something wrong to not deserve your friendship? you fucking arrogant bastard. 

since we're discussing sellouts lets discuss how when kids give you presents you laugh at them and throw it straight in the trash. oh yeah, ive seen it many times. lets talk about how you talk shit about the fat girls that are your fans and mock their letters. you are fucking undeserving of every ounce of attention you've ever gotten. from every one of your calculated business moves to your "spontaneous" jumps in the crowd parts to your well rehearsed cliche lines you've been spouting for 400 shows in a row. you're boring, contrived and old. "oooh, no one loves me, its sooo hard being on magazine covers and tv shows. someone save me from me." what are you, fucking 12? go light your little candles ask yourself why no one will ever truly love you. its amazing no one has caught on to your little fucking show. you're nothing more than a shitty opportunist business man with even shittier fashion sense.

so pack up and move to whatever million dollar house you've picked out in california paid for by your lies and hypocrisy and deceit and selfishness and over medicate yourself like youve been doing for years...because guess what? no one wants you here anymore. you are not welcome. 

oh yeah, hows that straight edge tattoo doing? as well as the tattoo for your "crew" who now refer to you as a fraud and a con? stay gold dude, stay gold.

remember this each night of the tour when you play the lie, "hey chris, you were our only friend." 

downplay it all you want by saying the song is about "friends", but guess whos fucking name you're saying each and every night? mine. thats right. what a bunch of fucking phonies. sing the songs you dont even believe in anymore. fucking liar.

you know the friends i have and you know how we feel about loyalty. 

you know who im talking about and you know they're not happy either.

so dont get caught slipping and you better make damn sure you watch whos on your guest list because a plus one might come backstage to punch your fucking teeth out and tear the windpipe from your throat. 

you fucking sell out. 

oh, and next time you decide to write another song about me, do it right you fucking coward.

**********REPOST EVERYWHERE YOU CAN**************** 

Current Music: the promise - crush all fakes."

oh what a monster we've created.

when i am called by my manager to read a post that is burning through the internet it makes me wonder. ive never responded to rumours or shittalking online, no matter who it came from- at the same time there is nothing that makes my blood boil more than reading this- being who i am, my first instinct is to blow it off- but then i consider how anytime anything is written on the internet people believe its true- no matter what, no matter the biases or subjectivity of the sources. my first instinct is to lash out- to say everything i think about you and every situation- to defend myself and attack you. as unbelievable as it is- i am an extremely insecure person- everytime i read something about myself negative or positive i react in probably the exact same way anyone would.

- 

but like i said- i am going to continue to do this my own way, what i consider to be the higher road. i understand when we get angry we often lash out- ive done it myself on many occassions. if you want to talk to me about any of this call me on my cell phone and we can do it one on one-

i will not be responding to anything else-

however, the attacks about our fans and the people that listen to this music and read these words is completely offbase- the fans of this band are my entire life- ive lost my girlfriend, my friends, much of my "normal" life- just to keep this relationship going- this isn't to say that i dont make mistakes, take misteps. just because youve seen me on tv or at a show doesn't make me anything less or more than human. you dont ever see the other side of the way we agonize over every decision we make or try our best to please everyone- because we've given up in bands before and we know how it feels and we dont want that to happen. everyone in the band is upset about this- remember everyone that makes up fall out boy- they all wanted me to voice that we appreciate our fans and friends that weve met more than anything- and that we realize because of where we are all the arrows are pointed at us- but we will try our best. and we do try our best. we also, have far more faith in the intelligence and dedication of the people that believe in us to think that they will be swayed easily. if you want to hear other stories of how we actually talk about our fans or think of them please ask other bands, they will testify to how we really act. we just want you to know that in four years when noone cares, we still hope you are there. im not going to freak out or whatever, but please an attack on our fans or our relationship with them as a p.r. move is uncalled for.

this doesn't need to be reposted anywhere- i am sure that fob fans know where to find it.

chris if you want to talk the phone line is there.

i wrote this pretty fast so i apologize for the typos and run-ons.

until then, thank you to everyone who reserves judgment and has my back until the end of time.

- petey

2/28/06 Q&A

question

IM JUST DYING TO KNOW, WHEN IS “RAINY DAY KIDS” COMING OUT?

answer

ive pushed it back. ill be honest alot of the writing in there was halfassed. words are really the only thing i care about so i want them to be perfect. i will try and figure out a release date and when we do, i will post it. i apologize. i dont want to put out some shitty book.

question

pete i am 13 and have been single my whole life should i stay that way? love ya ~Devon~

answer

its definitely ok to be single when you are 13. you have many years to get in trouble later on. when i was 13 i was into fireworks and skateboarding. girls were not even on my radar.

[troph4eum]

Overcoming Toxicity

aight so 4 months ago i wrote this song called overcoming toxicity and i wanna talk ab it cuz it ties back to a concept in do you see your god in me but theres also other stuff i wanna talk ab in it.

heres the link for it

so if u listened to it its p obviously a love song and yeah its ab a specific person. we werent together or none but it was more than platonic to say the least. im ngl2u shit didnt work out which i always knew was a possibility which is why im not too fucked up ab it now (it did take a bit to come to terms w it tho ngl2u) but despite that im still glad i made this song bc it helped me solidify some things and a bunch of other stuff im gonna get into.

so before we rlly get into it bc this songs backstory involves another person im not gonna get into very specific details out of respect for them plus it aint yalls business to know everything. but ima jus say no crazy shit happened btw us causing some crazy falling out theres no beef or drama to be had ima leave it at that.

now that thats out of the way lemme get into explaining this song.

so a major theme in this song is running away and the idea of "it" being worth it. what this all stems from is when me and this person first met. we became friends and i noticed that it was insanely possible for me to develop feelings for them. and in all honestly that scared the shit out of me cuz i got trouble with trusting people and attachment. so as they tried to get closer i would ignore them sometimes and keep my space to prevent that. and listen ill be the first to tell u that im a fucking asshole for that and even knowing how everything ended up i still regret it bc they didnt do anything to deserve that. but bc of my own cowardice and refusal to be vulnerable i did it.

this all happened around last summer and after a certain point in time we just werent as close as we used to be. some time passed and in that time i stopped hanging around a lot of my friends thats where the "ran away from all my friends" line came from. the whole me not liking them in the first place bit is an exaggeration but i started to realize that their actions werent very fitting of my morals. or at least thats how im choosing to put it bc honestly its not serious enough for me to get into specifics. soon after that i started to realize how much of an idiot i was being and decided that i shouldnt be scared to commit to something just because it might not work out. which is something that yu yu hakusho (ik im a fucking nerd LMAO) reminded me of. so i started hanging out w them more. as time went on we got closer n shit theres a lot more to it but like i said that shit aint yalls business but like i thought i would i started to develop feelings for this person the more i got to know them. and it wasnt too much longer after that when i wrote this song.

so like just going thru the lyrics i feel like everythings pretty self explanatory but a few lines sort of stand out as needing a bit more context to be fully understood

thought i'd amount to nothin

cant lie thought i was bluffin i thought i'd never love again

i come back to u n ask myself if it was worth it god i hope ts is worth it always struggled w my purpose i jus scratched the fuckin surface yall dont know whats underneath talkin like this hurts my teeth n i thought i was gettin better but im yellowed from the grief youre too fuckin sweet

and then theres obviously the reprise of do you see your god in me which im saving for last

so honestly the amount to nothing, purpose, and surface lines all can be grouped cuz they deal w the same sort of topic. so i used to talk to this person ab my dreams and like the actual artistry behind not just my music but my thoughts and it was something we really bonded over and we both shared thoughts with eachother about interesting concepts and it was something we rlly admired ab eachother but like when it came to my music it always seemed like they rlly believed in me n shit n like i do struggle w my purpose a lot but when i was w them shit jus seemed so easy n so clear. and this is bc they seemed to rlly understand me n what i was saying (which if yk me personally or have read some of the stuff on here yk means a lot to me bc its some i struggle w w other ppl) they rlly made it easier for me to believe in myself and my ideas and motivations. and then when it comes to the surface shit its honestly just the truth i rlly have only just scratched the surface of what i wanna talk ab w my music w the songs i have out. this page actually lets me dive deeper and it defintely has the closest look into my mind thats publicly available but overall people dont know whats rlly underneath besides them. well ig now not even them cuz its been a minute since weve talked but anyways that rlly just means i need to get to work on making music w substance again so i can spread the ideas i want to express before its too late.

so what i was talking about with the bluffing part is bc when i first started talkin to them again i didnt know if i was rlly gonna stick to it cuz i didnt know if i had the capacity to love someone like that again. and then when i said i asked myself if it was worth it ts lowkey has a double meaning of like was it worth it to treat them the way i did back then (a rhetorical question obviously it wasnt) and then also asking myself if it was worth it to come back even though im risking myself by being in this vulnerable position. (spoiler but i think it was) which i reinforce by said "god i hope ts is worth it" and honestly i have a complex relationship with god that deserves its own post bc i have what i feel are interesting thoughts on religion that i could talk very extensively about.

and then the teeth part vaguely highlights the bitter sweetness of the whole situation and this is because of numerous complications that once again i wont be going into bc ts is nunya but at the same time when we werent concerning ourselves with those things shit was honestly so good. and the whole yellowed from the grief thing is just because i still felt stained from the time i lost something similar and i was still dealing with the effects of it. which also brings up me thinking i was getting better and the reason i named this song overcoming toxicity. i thought that by making this commitment i was finally done shedding all the toxic habits that i had that summer but now i realize that youre never really "better" youre just always trying your best and sometimes you relapse back into negative patterns of thought. now i didnt run from them again but there were other problems i had at the time that were arising that i was struggling to deal with mainly my paranoia and trust issues which at the time were unrelated to them. and like they were the one who told me that stuff ab regressing and honestly i wish i listened more and took it more to heart bc i was rlly spiraling over some shit that was triggering my anxiety and maybe i couldve come out of it sooner if i just listened more but i was too in my head.

now all thats left is the reprise and lowkey ima have to do this shit genius annotated style so lets get it

"i said ill fix it n wont run away"

so by now it should be obvious what i meant by this only that i wouldve been saying that to myself as an affirmation as opposed to a promise made to them

"ur born from adam too human for me"

so tbh we did have a lot in common just like as people but idk theyre just way more social than me and it felt like they related to other people more than i did. its something that i always struggled with. we both had trouble feeling understood by and understanding others but to me they seemed to relate to others more (which to me is different from understanding) idk maybe i was wrong for saying this and it was just my perception of them but thats just how i felt. this is something i wanna talk ab later in another post but i do often feel like everyone relates to me but i dont truly relate to anyone else. idk this line is a bit looser and has speculative meaning even from me the person who wrote it.

"existentialism and struggle for peace"

now this line honestly has so much depth in it bc existentialism and the "struggle for peace" are such layered concepts and honestly id just read about existentialism to get a grasp of what it is rather than have my tired ass explain it. but the struggle for peace is sort of what trophaeum is all about. and trophaeum has a lot to do with my life if thats not obvious enough.

"do you wanna be the god in me"

now THISSS is the heavy hitter when it comes to meaning. cuz HOLYYY SHIT. so first off youre gonna have to read the do you wanna see your god in me post to fully understand what im ab to talk ab so do that and come back heres the link

now just like "do you see your god in me" i had no idea what this meant when i said it and honestly even rn im trying to figure out what it means but it honestly just felt right in the moment when i said it so i stuck w it. but what i do know is that this question is not using the god in someone as described in the other post literally. if the god in someone is the person who exists in their mind regardless of all the external masks and lies that are told by themselves and others and to see that god in someone else is to truly understand and to hold nothing back from eachother then wtf does it me to be the god in another person??? theres no way to give it a literal interpretation to it without sounding way crazier than i usually sound so heres how ive come to understand it

its inviting someone to be one with you (and by extension you one with them) and live your lives without having the question of whether you understand eachother or not because u simply just do. its complete transparency between eachother. honestly its a lot closer to "do you wanna be with the god in me" but not only does that not fit the flow of the hook but i also wasnt rlly thinking ab it then. tbh thats sort of how much i came to understand it it might take me more time to rlly understand what i meant more. and now that everythings on the table you probably have a very valid question

jin why the fuck would you ask such a heavy question to someone you werent even fucking dating

and im ngl to u ur right ts is kinda crazy especially writing a whole song ab someone i wasnt dating but all i can rlly say is u had to b there to understand. like bc of my neurodivergency i have trouble processing and explaining my feelings and music is one of the ways im able to illustrate it in a way that feels most genuine. and honestly at the time i hadnt even told them how i rlly felt yet cuz it jus didnt feel right but it was like one of those things where u can sort of tell the feelings are mutual yall jus aint say it yet. so this song was a lot of things. it was a confession, a show of affection, me reflecting on some past experiences, and it gave me the opportunity to rlly think some things out while also letting them out and it taught me a lot and it rlly made those lessons stick. so its all of those things combined that make me glad i made it and why im never gonna take it down regardless of things not turning out how i wanted it to.

i think thats all i have to say for now like usual ty if u actually read all this shit. this is a rlly personal subject for me obviously and im still sort of unsure of whether i should share this much but at the same time its a part of my music just as my music is a part of me so if im going to share my music im gonna share myself yk? idk if that makes sense i hope it does. ik im sort of makin myself vulnerable by posting this but its something ive wanted to talk ab for a minute so im doin it anyways.

[misqnon]

hi its march! my anon name changes with the months /j

ok thats fair if u didn't have a guess. maybe it just felt really obvious to me because i am... myself...

its hard NOT to ship op characters. they all have such fun dynamics!! hannyabul and magellan is like.. im being silly when i say i ship them,, but also they ARE kinda real boyfriends to me.

its such a shame when ppl ignore the silly side of zoro. he has a few extremely wholesome, adorable, fun moments with luffy in wano and.. yeah ... im excited for u to see the interactions they have. add that to the list of things i am excited for!! lol. do the 3 dangly earrings signify he uses 3 swords??? i Never noticed this but if so... thats genius?? either way they r so pretty and in wano they zoom in on his earrings multiple times and show them like . waving in the wind or something idk. its so .. i love it. one more thing im excited about LOL

IT *IS* THE SILVER FOX LOOK!!

HELL YEAH.. i honestly am not a huge fan of the wci arc. i really disliked it the first time i read it but i think there r a lot of things that contributed to that. i couldn't remember a lot of the story from before, i started it in the anime and then switched over to manga at some point so it was a bit of a jarring difference, i have complicated feelings about sanji, and i was really sleep deprived when i was reading it. it was super difficult to get through cuz it just felt like everything dragged on and on.. so when i was rereading i was really dreading coming back to that arc and having to slog through it again. but actually it wasn't that bad. its still nowhere near being a favorite for me, but it does have a lot of good moments. anyways i think u will have a much better time than me and im looking forward to seeing ur reactions!! (as usual)

dragon: "i miss my husband, sabo. i miss him a lot" /ref

one of the sanji tiktoks is actually extremely topical considering what arc ur on so ill probably send it when ur done with wci!!

i watched the scene u sent and!!! robin puts her WHOLE SOUL into that "i want to live!!!" i dont remember the japanese version that well tbh cuz its been so long since i watched it. so the dub is probably what i will remember when i think of that scene now...

i wont kill u for liking la luffy.... because i havent watched it yet LOL. i might end up agreeing with u (although tbh i doubt i will,, i tend to be more fond of things im familiar with). i like edgelord zoro but its only when he has a healthy amount of silliness to go along with it :( im very very sad to hear he isnt nearly as goofy in the live action. ive seen a few moments of him joking around but.. i miss u silly guy... i miss u....

live action usopp seems like he has more rizz than anime/manga usopp (forgive me for using slang. i have been told it sounds really odd when i do bc it sounds like an old man using it LOL). i think that is a very interesting choice!! cuz i love usopp and i do think hes really charming and a lovely person,, but i feel like him having 0 confidence in himself is so important to his character?? but he seemed like he was an enjoyable character to watch so maybe i shouldnt get too hung up on it.

tongue piercing doflamingo is canon to me too 🫡 its very fitting considering hes always doin something with his tongue

straw hat crew supports and encourages sanji to explore his gender because at the end of the day their friend is their friend and gender doesnt matter

im glad i didnt spoil anything phew!!

i will accidentally influence u to like law more. just like u influence me to like sanji more. tradeoff /j

penis death... yeah... penis death.... i love it.. its so insanely funny to me. penis death. also i find it funny that he seems to have a milder reaction to chopper saying it compared to luffy. like is that his soft spot for the cute reindeer showing?? is it bc theyre both doctors?? idk i like to analyze his relationships with the straw hats..

im procrastinating on the tierlist (im actually very busy irl with moving) but i will no t forget to send it,, i swear!!

u probably have turned on sending images in asks but i do this on my phone and im also.. kind of a tumblr noob.. so i dont know how to .. i will look it up. or just send the tierlist (when i make it) in a separate ask on my computer.

in terms of favorite characters we have in common: link, sesshomaru (i still haven't finished inuyasha. its been .. 10 years or something), kagamine rin (although tbh i like len more (im not actually that into vocaloid.. just a little?)), crowley, robin, doflamingo

i do know a lot of the characters on there but havent actually consumed the media theyre part of to feel super attached to them. i have too many things i plan to watch/read/play and i just end up not doing any of it LOL

i will keep trying for sure 🫡 ive been drawing a lot more recently. because.. im hyperfixating on anime characters. did i already say that

im pretty sure that any characters that have black eyes oda just makes them brown whenever their eye color is visible. and similarly, the anime just makes anyone with black eyes have grey or white. i dont know if oda has thought abt most of his characters eye color,, or if he actually does just plan for them all to have brown eyes. but headcanoning crazy eye colors is more fun imo!!

the anime notoriously does NOT know what colors things are. my favorite guy law has grey eyes in the anime and theyre gold in the manga.. which is devastating!? cuz gold is way more interesting and fitting and... yeah. i will forever be upset abt that. if they're gonna whiten all the characters to such a crazy level why cant they change the eye colors that are objectively WRONG (following manga canon)

brown is a good choice for luffy!!

i also love nami having brown eyes. they're pretty!!

grey definitely does work for zoro!! idk hes pretty no matter what.. and i cant clearly picture any color for him. i think most muted colors would look good

usopp having brown would look good too!! i was trying to think of the characters color pallets when i was imagining their eye colors and tbh hes worn a lot of brown so.

YEAH i saw that colorspread n that was why i was like . . yknow what... brown eyed sanji.. bc he looks very pretty there tbh. to go on a bit of a tangent, im kinda a blue eyed hater because my whole family (outside of my dad) has blue eyes . I've seen too much of it.. its boring. my mom has literal baby blues tho theyre so bright and. yeah its.. its striking.. its cool. its interesting. but the rest of us just have regular blue eyes. theyre dark and kind of grey. its too boring!!! and . therefore.. brown eyed sanji.. brown eyed sanji is best .

i am so .. i miss robins early design .. they kept her blue eyes (which again.. are objectively wrong according to manga canon) but they just had to make her like. the palest member of the straw hats. i love her having blue eyes so im not complaining that they didnt fix it but its like ... why did u fix one thing and not the other... i find that very frustrating. i wish they had just kept both her skin color and her eyes LOL. also cowgirl robin was so cool 😢

franky with pink eyes is SO GOOD??? tbh no matter what eye color he has i think it should be bright and vibrant

thats what i was thinking too!! the purple goes with his color scheme.

no worries abt not being able to reply <3

dressrosa is by far my favorite arc!! and then next i think is wano, egghead (the most recent arc), and impel down

those are my absolute favorites but other ones i like are arlong park, syrup village, punk hazard, sabaody/post war/return to sabaody, marineford (this would be another absolute favorite if not for the fact its so painful), whatever arc zoro joined in, drum island, skypeia, and.. controversially i do like fishman island despite also finding it a bit boring

i also rly enjoyed the reverie (it counts as a separate arc on the wiki) this one is apparently directly after wci.. i can never remember when it takes place chronologically. theres not really any action but i dont even care... i dont read for action

people dont like post timeskip one piece as much for some reason? its confusing to me bc almost all my favorite arcs are post timeskip.. im loving the focus shifting to the whole world.. and i love reading about huge world events. and i love theorizing about things. its all very fun

its really hard to choose just a few favorites LOL. i keep wanting to add other arcs i really enjoyed . augh.

what are YOUR favorite arcs :o

hello!!

no u’ve put me on the hannyabul and magellan train now. its my new otp. sorry. u did this

YEA HIS 3 EARRINGS ARE FOR HIS SWORDS!! and yes im. so excited for so MANY wano moments (that i know of but havent been completely spoiled for: everyone in beast pirate disguises, zoro and luffy reunion (+ everyone else ofc!) sanji’s raid suit and subsequent Germa Angst, THE ZORO / SANJI DEATH PACT??. DEMONIO FLEUR!?!??! (GOING TO LOSE MY MIND AT THAT ONE) AND MORE. and if theyre gonna be animation zoro’s earrings like that then damn. i got even more to look forward to on top of tht

i like wci but mostly for the sanji arc. i dont care much for the setting (although the alice in wonderland insp is cool!) and i actually love pudding but the fact she’s apparently 16 puts a bad taste in my mouth every time she’s on screen. it doesnt feel like its dragging on yet but as much as i do wanna continue i keep not having the motivation bc i know i still have quite a bit to go through vjbjfdkn. im glad u enjoyed it more ur second time tho!! (katakuri….gotta get to katakuri at least)

NOT THE DRAGON ROBOTNIK QUOTE JCCNSDKJN “i miss my wife tails”

and yes…YES……SANJITOK/…

HELL YES IM SO GLAD U WATCHED THE ROBIN SCENE. SHE DID PUT HER WHOLE SOUL INTO IT. FUN FACT I WATCHED A PANEL OF THE VOICE ACTORS ON YT AND THAT WAS THE FIRST AND ONLY TAKE . INSANE

yea the opla is so fun and a great ride but like anything it has its problems! although im still just amazed that it somehow seemed to break the live action anime curse and be the only one to do so with moderate success and yet it adapted. probably one of the hardest and longest anime to adapt ever. like how. do tell me if u watch it!! 

jacob is just too hot to play usopp is the issue- KNDFSJSKL /HJ. it’s definitely still played as fake confidence but its a different flavor of it for sure.

and yes beautiful. gnc sanji my beloved. transji my beloved. sanji forced to lipsync for his life by iva my beloved

i am completely ok with this character influencing btw. tradeoff initiated. i actually saw a law post and thought of u the other day!! i was gonna send it to u but i was like i’ll wait for the next letter…so here

idk if this is fanon or canon a lot but ppl say law has a cuteness to weak animals bc of bepo. robin core

THATS ACTUALLY SO FUNNY BC IM IN THE MIDDLE OF TRYING TO MOVE TOO AND AM ALSO BUSY FROM THAT JVBFJD

omg tumblr noob…i’ve been on this damn website for more than 10 years 😭

slay im glad we have some in common >:^) inuyasha was my first actual anime! and sesshomaru my first anime crush…wow. love that guy. [don’t watch the yashahime sequel. i dont wanna talk abt it 😐] and thats valid i love both the kagamine twins!!

i havent had time to draw but man…i draw like. in my mind. u know. i…i think about things…i COULD draw…that counts right,

i agree! i was surprised no one has asked in an SBS but i know it HAS to have been a question so maybe he has a reason he isnt answering??

I HEARD HIS EYES ARE GOLD IN MANGA WHICH IS SO FUCKING COOL?? GOLD EYES ARE MY ABSOLUTE FAV IN CHARACTER DESIGN!! and god. yea. yea. like oh okay you can get the colors wrong on everything and not change them to be right but u can make usopp whiter than a sheet. ok. i see how it is. they even lightened CHOPPER FOR PETE SAKE???

im not a blue eyed HATER but i definitely prefer brown eyes. as a brown eyes haver im pushing back on the blue eye supremacy with spite ‼️

dont even get me started on post timeskip robin. biggest downgrade. like at least franky is still himself and can change his hair and his face is still franky. someone else worded it best in saying oda took away so many features that made robin’s character design recognizable and unique that she feels like a completely different one. APPARENTLY robin was never supposed to be tan and anime assumed that too, but idc if u keep the blue then keep the skin color…its like. blatantly just colorism there

omg…DRESSROSA WAS VERY GOOD! that makes me think…hey have u seen this video . made by the same editor as the last one i sent u also…that makes me so excited to move forward. AND MAYBE ITS JUST BC IM GAY AS HELP BUT I LOOVVED IMPEL DOWN !! 70% FOR THE NEWKAMA AND 30% FOR CROCODILE

i didnt think fishman island was anywhere near as boring or badly paced as i heard. it was literally fine imo. not my favorite but not bad! except um. fishman island sanji can burn pls stop making me hate my favorite character (THOUGH I STAND BY RETURN TO SABAODY SANJI BEING WORSE THAN FISHMAN ISLAND. AT LEAST HE WASNT SNIFFIN PPL WHAT THE *FUCK* WAS THAT]

and i defintely see the post-timeskip haters points sometimes. there’s less time spent with the characters just. getting to interact and chill- partially bc the anime doesnt really do filler now but also partially bc now the crew is so large that oda never writes them all in one place. theyre always splitting up. and also the obvious things like robin getting sidelines and her design change, zoro is less silly, overall there’s less lightheartedness (although at times i can appreciate that). but the thing that bothers me most is it feels like oda got more brave with the off color jokes and sexualization and such. it was there pre timeskip (esp starting around thriller bark) but post timeskip its just like. sexualization and perv jokes are turned up to 200%. and yea im bitter bc sanji got worse in that aspect (although i actually prefer his post timeskip design! i like his stupid little goatee and his new suits/outfits are very nice! and his character development has obviously. gotten some spotlight) but damn if they couldnt give that to some of the other crew members too! though i digress. and ur right- the arcs and story HAVE improved and been super epic!

hmm..i think my favorite arcs would have to be [as of where i am currently] water 7/enies lobby, impel down, and dressrosa. whole cake will probably be up there when i finish it just bc of it being the My Guy Arc.

help im running out of one piece questions…uh…uh…any other strawhat headcanons? about anything!

p.s. i saw this and it made me laugh so hard

[like-wuatafauq]

The orange one is Paçoca and the black one is Teemo.

/ᐠ - ˕ -マ Ⳋ

Hmmm I never was very affectionate I guess. I crave affection, but who doesn't. That are hard questions for me, i'm very detached from my emotional self? (Idk how to explain), I'm just a cold virgo, but is more about me than my sign.

I dont know much about lion. But are they like self centered? Are they like super stars who like the spotlight? Are u like that?

Trees are nice, do u have a favorite type of tree?

Omg those names are cute!! I really like the Paçoca

*pats head* there there, alot of us struggle with that, especially being detach to emotional self can have a lot of fears by allowing others in and seeing the mess we are.

I think a lot of us Leos like to be known in some way doesnt always have to be spotlight but just like if we are passionate over something we want to share it with the whooole world

oh! i know atleast 3 aside from myself and noticed that we feel like we put so much effort and it goes unnoticed, we absolutely do not like liars, unloyalty/untrustworthy/commitment issues, anyone who is purposefully mean to someone/puts them down, people who take the credit of others, Like we really value someone being authentic because we can definitely tell when someone is not honest with us or themselves. I think it's cuz we represent "the sun/truth/bringing light" lol. We definitely do want to be noticed and that can come off wrong sometimes tho.

Buuuut i personally struggle with Arrogance bcuz I'm absolutely mortified that if someone breaks my heart I'm going to blame it on myself, and then if there's no one there to mend it and I'm already being mean to myself then now even I abandoned myself,so its like fucks with simply prioritizing myself. So a lot of the times I can come off arrogant bcuz of fears in areas of my life that hurt me really bad. If I waver from being/doing good and prioritizing myself then I have failed myself. The thought of that kills me so sometimes I become arrogant to not see my flaws. Of course I try working on it daily cuz ik a lot of it is just fear and I wouldn't be that way if I wasn't so scared. Ik the leos that care for others will definitely own up to their faults but some definitely don't unfortunately.

Favorite tree!! Ahh I think in English it's called oak tree but I love all sorts. Weeping, citrus type trees, magnolia,cherry blossom :) yee I love trees

[threeletterslife]

hi just had a recent nostalgic moment to when i was an active bts fan cuz i watched a tiktok video (its this one 🥲: https://vt.tiktok.com/ZSLVVNqTQ/) and just remembered how miserable my life was during the pandemic but the only thing that got me through it was reading fanfics 😅

and your society series was just THE BEST *chefs kiss* like seriously i was INVESTED in all 7 plots and thought how it was a genuis move for you to make seokjin's story to combine all previous stories into one. and every single time, without fail, im left SOBBING after reading your fics!! 😭😭

it was a gut and heart-wrenching moments, but still, it was a bliss to experience ☺️🩷

so i guess im saying that im thankful that u published all ur stories FOR FREE for any army to read 🥹 hope ur having the best days of ur lifee!! u helped me and a lot of people soo much!! *mwah* 😚🩷

ohmygod. i also haven't been the most active fan for years and that tiktok really brought me back!! i'm surprised at how many of those photos/videos i recognized

on another note, i'm glad to hear you're through the hard times (and that reading fanfics helped you get through it!)

i write mainly because i want to give others something to read, and it makes me really happy to hear how invested you were in my society series!! it'll probably be the last ot7 series i write, to be quite honest, and sometimes i wish i took more time writing them because i swear i could've probably executed those ideas better since inevitably, my skills have developed since then LOL

it's funny though, because i subconsciously ordered the society series (the exam -> for everland -> all you see is blue -> it runs wild -> true love at first sight -> fleeting forevers -> across the madness) so that as the series progressed, the stories got fluffier and fluffier! i didn't even notice i did that until i nearly finished writing the series LMAO. and thank you! i was also a bit proud of myself for coming up with the whole seokjin's-story-will-encompass-the-6-other-societies idea haha, although i wish i could've developed it much better and added more nuance to it :') oh well

i'm honestly so grateful to even have people read my stories, so thank you for taking the time to read my verbose, fictional spiels! and i also feel so honored to have become a part of your life in the sense that my stories have uplifted you some time, somewhere in the past :) writing is also my solace, and when kind people like you message me about it, it really makes my entire day <3 so again, thank you!

[scrmngtts]

i checked my last entry prior to the last one.. i can kinda feel somethings gonna happen i shouldve trusted my instincts..

OKAY SO LETS START!//

Again, im writing this to vent and journal my emotions.. nothing else. to help me cope and to help me process my thoughts better.

SATURDAY.. I invited them to go to this place to support my friends. it went well, i met his bestfriend again first we chatted for a bit and then we head over to the place.. it was fun id say.. i enjoyed.. my friends were there too it was nice seeing them as well. we had lunch together. was really nice as well cuz we get to talk and he seem to really like my friends which is really nice i like that, they were laughing and such and they were getting along. really glad on that part. idk if he ever was jealous that all my friends are mostlly gus, tbh idont think he cares so.. shrug i gues//

so yeah after we ate we went home, i said my goodbyes to my friends, they were nice i missed them so much i wanna see them again without him there to be honest.. i dont know what went in my mind why did i invitefd them.. cuz it led to things i really didnt like..

we went to his place with his bestfriend.. he said if we can just chill for a bit.. sure.. chill for a bit.. but yeah that was so.. the most awkward situation ive ever been.. tbh idek why im stilling talking to him after all this...

it is smtg really weird that i dont even wanna think about it.. or write about it.. it made me feel really uncomfy... whats worse is i dont have someone to talk to about it.. cuz its so weird i dont want anyone to know about it.. it was nust very awkward and weird and i dont knwo.. im really still all over the place just thinking about that just typing my thoughts about that makes me really uncomfortable..

so after what happened i kinda detached myself from the situation because i really dont want to deal with it i really wanna run away from it.. i realy wanna drop everything and leave i noticed that im like that i always wanted to run away when things get out of hand.. i dont fight i flight.. i just feel like i can always deal with my emotions alone, i can always think better when im on my own.

anyways.. he felt smtg was off cuz he asked me right away. also i was with his bestfriend at the time and i told her im not ok that i need some time alone and think things. so i really dont know if she told him smtg? but yeah he asked if i was okay.. i said i dont know, can u giv eme more time to think and he said yes then we can talk when im ready.. this was around maybe 7pm on a saturday night.

then around 11:30 he called me.. i dont really wanna pick up but.. i still did.. i was actually busy at the time so i told him ill call him when im done.. i finished around 1am.. then he was still up.. we were in call for like an hour and 30 mins..

idk if i wanna continue.. maybe next post?

[alonelymidwestdreamer]

fuckin peachy

———

i really thought i could do it

i dont know why

well, no

fuck that

i do know why

i thought i could get my shit together, finally, because people are supporting me

because im not keeping myself in a shitty relationship

because im forcing myself to sit with just myself and learn to be ok with that

because im trying to be a good person

because i was making fucking progress

i was taking steps

someone, maybe everyone, is gonna say that progress isnt linear

but have you ever been forced off road after just getting off a detour, just getting used to a nice straight highway

it doesnt still feel like progress

in fact, it feels like why not take another drink, why not feel good instead of crying over a cancellation

it feels like why not pick that pocket knife back up, why not take a hammer to your knuckles till theyre all purple

why not see if that one girl you ruined ur life for over and over finally has u unblocked

it doesnt feel like progress

it feels like derailment

im losing my fucking mind

ive been watching this show

its sadder than hell but i can’t stop watching it

it reminds me of that girl who i, yk, ruined my life over

she was a pisces

it reminds me of her because it reminds me of all the trauma she sat through with me

it reminds me of being homeless and of my parents fights and my fights with my parents and just

everything

it reminds me of things i buried pretty damn deep

this show triggers the fuck out of me

i cant sit with myself reliving this shit, but she sat through all that with me as it happened

she was the only constant in my life for so many years

but me wanting to get better was the breaking point

that was the line

we used to scream at each other

shed trigger me on purpose when i made her mad

how fucked up is that

but when i wanted to fix myself, when i wanted to create a life that could hold her and i both in it without all the fucking anger

that was that

she still has me blocked

i havent told almost anyone, although now youll all know, but i made a new account, just to try to talk to her

when someones in ur life for so long and so deeply it just feels wrong when they leave

or maybe thats just me

i hadnt talked to her in like two years?

i just wanted to know what her life looks like now

she did not believe that

and shes still mad at me

ig i never realized she ruined her life over me too

when i asked how she was she said “what are you drunk or something?”

i really thought i could do it, i thought i could be ok

i just wanna get drunk

all the time

i wish i was drunk when i messaged her

i wish she was right

i wished a little too hard ig cuz i did start drinking again

i keep pretending its not all i think about

its not that serious, cant be

if it was that serious someone would notice right?

being drunk doesnt even feel great anymore

but if im gonna fuck up by just existing, at least i get an excuse if im shitfaced

i tried so hard

i mean im still trying

but every day i get closer to doing it again and again and again

isnt that embarrassing?

i dont like it, i dont want to

i just also dont like me very much

and who would even care

no one noticed the first time until i told them, i think honestly everyone preferred me buzzed all the time until they knew thats what it was

no one knew i was overdosing in bledsoes room either tho

sitting behind keleah in college algebra trig

the room spinning so violently i thought i was dying

i guess i was dying technically

after, i sat in the rose garden with someone and tried to breathe

i walked my siblings home

i thought i was gonna die

no one even knew

i went home and threw up four or five times

i threw up so much i thought i was gonna suffocate cuz i couldnt catch a breath

my mom didnt even ask why i threw up

so at least its just drinking again

and its not as frequent anyways

fuck i really was doing so good

i swear i was