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seven-stars-in-his-palm · 7 months ago

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okay but hold me like you scared to sounds so good already (they all sound so good tbh but this one piqued my interest lol) what's it about? and for the fanfic questions 32, 50 and J :))

@frappe-the-peppermint WE GOT ONE 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥 ahem oh wow who said that. anyway ill do the questions first then get into fic discussion…

32) Do you listen to music when you write or does music inspire you? If so, which band or genre of music does it for you?

i listen to SO MUCH MUSIC!!!!! it depends on what im wrting tbh but i just queue up a bunch of songs in my liked playlist and write and write until it ends or im no longer on that flow. and well my music taste is an absolute mess so there isnt any one definitive band or genre that does it for me (i only pay attention Sometimes) but i suppose artists like mitski and queen would be a decent summary of my taste 😅

50) How did you get into reading and/or writing fanfiction?

gravity falls, no stop. the first one that ever piqued my interest was versability (originally on ff.net me thinks) and god damn it HOOKED ME!!!! gravity falls was already getting me up but wow that just got me SO MUCH HIGHER. i have a few authors i started binge reading like thesnadger and pinesinthewoods, i started extracting fics from reccs from tumblr artists, soon discovered ao3, and never looked back. and as for writing fic,,,,, well frankly it was the search for the cure’s original form that got me GOING!!!! it originally had crappy ocs as the forefronters but i soon changed that lmao (im definitely not saying theyre bad in general, just those… no) and i wrote So Much For It on my notes app. i didnt realize i culd actually show people until way later, in which i did, and realized that it could actually be better. thats why i reversed back to part one, made the story a part two, scapped the ocs, and…now we’re here. i still love it and gravity falls, i dont really show it here anymore. i really should, man. i need to write for them again!!!! it still excites me!!!! and the prose that im weaving now,,,, id DEMOLISH THE GAME!!!!!!! :)

J) what your favorite fanfic trope? have you written it?

honestly i think just showing you my favorted ao3 tags will paint a very detailed picture. here:

though i suppose if i had to pick one here…god its between time loop and presumed dead (and grief/moruning but idk if thats a trope so much as it is a theme). MMMMMMMM. mmmmm. just YES. the psychological affects of both being a time loop and thinking someone you love is dead but they arent actually are DELICIOUS!!!!!!!!!! they are a MUST HAVE. i daydream constantly, but i havent written time loop yet because while i love it, i havent hadthe motive to write such a thing myself. reading is chill ✊ and presumed dead well i try to throw it is as much as i can, the most recent ive used being a west end town and my favorite being that one kid from jersey ! i need to do more of these fr. its just so GOOD!!!!!!

okay. its finally time for the brainwashing discussing of the fic ! i can tell you alllll about that story and it will be my pleasure sonny 🫡 its a very long story. but short verison in case you dont want to go on: its a Titanic epic . april 1912. iceberg. ive read a few that are AMAZING, but i wanted to write one that catered it allll to Me. it has lesbians, heaven sucking ass, flood parallels, and a king of the world AND draw me like one of your french girls scene. very nice 🔥

okay now its time for the long story. so a super super long time ago for a post i cant even remember (i really wanna find it 😭😭) i for someone reason went on a tangent about the titanic. i had just read this fic called sinking into the sea which was tbh VERY GOOD (and i would read it again fr fr ) but at the time, i was kinda bummed that aziraphale and crowley never actually Interacted when i had expected. aziraphale didnt even know crowley was there!!! it left me feeling melancholy, and realizing that all of the titanic fics ive ate up to that point didnt HIT hit the spot (i didnt find this after this realization, but again, theyre not even on the boat 🤧) so i was feeling a bit incomplete. i started ranting and ranting it was a wholeee wall of a text of what I would do with a titanic story and i realized oh wait i can Do Something with this because i haev free will and actual (somewhat) coherent skill. pepper jumped on the wagon, REALLY REALLY encouraged which i cant thank enough for, and….we’re here. its brewing. i had a very large interest in the titanic for a long time before this tbh, so being able to insert it into The Interest just JUMPSTARTED my brain and it still does to this day. now for the plot….

its 2020, a year after the apocalypse (no pandemic). anathema, newt, brian, crowley, and aziraphale have been assigned to plan adam’s 12th birthday party—they shenanigan, as you do. on the day of the party (adam’s birthday) anathema and newt find a chest in jasmine cottage’s attic full of titanic relics, including a pack of polaroid photos (handheld cameras did indeed exist in 1912, i checked !) which kinda might sort of have a photo of aziraphale and crowley!?!?! it was sent to them about six months before. but after the whole Second Volume fiasco, anathema just sort of wrote it off in that way and Hid It. but newt was curious, he found it, and god it was writtent his way wasnt it. (well, not by the nutter they were thinking of actually). anathema confronts them about itsoon after, and they all sit down to hear the story of the titanic in a sort of rose dawson beat. then its 1912—50ish years since the holy water incident and almost a century since the resurrectionists disaster. aziraphale has been assigned to take this trip to new york for Some Reason (we found out why later) and happened to invite crowley to come along to attempt to make amends after Allat (he really does feel bad, but he will NOT do the holy water thing yet </3) shit occurs, but history atlarge will not be rewritten. it does change their story, though. adding a sprinkle of interest in the device family line. agnes prophec(y)(ies), dancing on deck under the stars, playing cards with humans and winning by a Lot, aziraphale’s artistic skills are put to use at one point—ughghgufhits just so DEAR TO ME!!!!! and of course the conflict will come later, especially considering the religious connections to the titanic sinking—“not even God can sink this ship” type conversation 🥰 aziraphale can and will be made uncomfortable. its for the character development dont worry about it. i even have a playlist for this fic (it sorted by the way the tone shifts thru the story, some songs are silly but they had to stay). pep has also made some song covers to some of the songs that ive heavily connected to the fic and I REALLY FUCKING LIKED. LIKE A LOT. THEYRE AMAZING YOU SHOULD LISTEN IF YOU WANT TO!!!!

the point of all this is that i like titanic fics and im trying to throw my hat in the ring even if its just for me and my friend 🔥🔥 because while others have fed me, i havent seen ones that have documented like Every Single Day on the titanic that aziraphale and crowley would theoretically have as well as developing aziraphale and crowley’s relationship while taking into account whats happened before (insert the story into a part of the timeline seamlessly i think thats how i’d describe) AS WELL AS connecting the reason why the titanic was such a freak tragedy and how the world is not fucking fair instead of just “oh whoops the thing sank 😞” i want NITTY GRITTY DETAIL!!!!!! I WANT GUILT!!!!!!! I WANT CHAOS!!!!!!!! I WANT TALKING ABOUT GOD!!!!!!! I WANT AZIRAPHALE IN A MENTAL CRISIS!!!!! I WANT CROWLEY JUST WANTING TO FUCKING LIVE FUCKING PEACEFULLY!!!!!!! I WANT LESBIANS!!!!!! i need to get on this,,,, so much to do. i love it all and TY FOR THE ASK!!!!

#ask game #hath are perceived

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ericstoltz · 9 months ago

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life update!!

i finally have some free time and havent properly posted something in so long so i thought id write up something!

first of all i want to say that ive successfully fixed my bingewatch problem in late january!! i hate to say it, but seeing how many movies i saw last year in my letterboxd wrapped really concerned me 🫤 i wanted to make an effort to make use of my time properly (after starting a new job and all) and i thought i wont let myself waste time bingeing horrible b-movies just so i can bump up the percent watched in someones filmography (its kinda tricky doing it so i made a resolution to only watch movies which interests me if i want to see more of someone)

with that said, i ended up not watching anything on weekdays and eventually think that staring at my phone for more than an hour wasnt my thing anymore (at least in the context of doing it EVERYDAY). so that may be one of the reasons why the turnaround for my hyperfixations got slower (which i think is good!).

ALSO, i do want to mention that because ive been watching less films recently i initially thought it would be great for my gif making hobby since i wont feel the pressure of wanting to gif so many movies at one sitting. i tried this in early feb and.. well... lets just say that it takes time for my very old laptop to make gifs (i had it since college during the pandemic so it was really used!). i only screen record scenes i want to gif because i hate having to wait to download AND even if i had hq clips it would take my laptop so long to render. so making something lq and having to wait 30mins just for a single gif wasnt doing it for me (bcs i said i wanted to make more use of my time).. so thats the reason why i havent posted anything lately (I REALLY REALLY wanted to make a gifset of josh whitehouse in valley girl but the quality just ended up stressing me 🫠)

and for my last update, as u can tell from my reblogs on queue, i just saw daisy jones and the six and LOVE josh whitehouse and he really got me playing the guitar again 😭😭 (i still think its a miracle!!!). ive been practicing some old pieces i used to perform when i was in high school during my 5-9's and i just had a bizzare idea of getting into the piano. i only ever played classical before, so i always had a problem doing improvs. i spent some time looking at videos on youtube and found out improvs on the piano were waay easier to play and understand, so im gonna buy a keyboard very very soon (which im so excited for)!!!! learning how to do jazz improvs on keys would probably be my new hobby and making gifs would probably be back until i get a new laptop (which at the moment is very low priority 🥲)

SO THERES THAT! Now heres an audit trail of my jan-feb hyperfixations!

still on a tom blyth high since late december 2023

dom sessa: after watching the holdovers (seriously this time)

sam claflin: i wanted to get out of the coriolanus blackhole so i ended up reading finnick odair fics 😭😭 i found out he was the lead in daisy jones and the six so i watched that! my hyperfixation didnt last tho!! i have love rosie on my watchlist but got side tracked bcs of... *drum roll*

JOSH WHITEHOUSE -i find it crazy how most of my hyperfixations are englishmen. but yes. my sweet pookie. i love him. i will try not to talk much bcs if i start i wont stop. but tldr i didnt binge his filmography so i was on his youtube channel for quite some time and spent 15mins a day there... thats maybe the reason i got into playing the guitar again? love his music videos AND love how he plays flamenco. i play classical on the guitar and am a tarrèga girl so i never bothered to learn flamenco (tarrèga hated it) . but knowing just that made me want to at least remember some pieces i used to play just so i can play again... THEN i found out he has a new movie coming up with...

malcolm mcrae: ngl his pretty face caught my eye (special shoutout to anya! literally the power couple)... my first thoughts were like 'ohh i wonder what his character is like in triton'. but then i found out hes in a band SO i was thinking ok hes in a movie w josh so theres probably gonna be something music in it. i then looked up his band and love their songs!! theyre only a duo which i think is p strong (u dont need that many ppl in a band rly!) and i watched some interviews they had too!

KANE RITCHOTTE: my babygirl. my darling. idk what to say abt him. his songs with malcolm are always so magical. ive been playing gods in the details on repeat since early feb. hes my favorite more* member. the literal musical god. im praying hell sing more songs. ALSO i was suprised he did a cameo in daisy jones and the six with malcolm (they were the one who taught some of them how to play their instruments!! i was in awe bcs malcolm was the literal billy dune. LIKE sam claflin really copied his playing style which is so neat!!)

thats all!! thanks so much if uve read up until this point ily and pls lmk what uve been up to as well 🫶

take care <3

#hi friends family followers #i am here #doing a write up bcs im thinking of making my next newsletter post abt what ive been into recently #for practice #thats probably the same thing as this post but clearer haha #life update

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lesbicosmos · 8 months ago

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bored and procrastinating being productive so im doing this instead‼️

1. how did you find out about merlin?

either during or just after lockdown one of my friends had started watching it and was on about s2 and told me id like it. i started it and then binged it too far and she finished it like at least a month after i did

2. do you have a ship? if so, when did you start shipping them?

i have more ships for this show than any other show ever icl everyone's so in love with everyone else. like most people i was shipping merthur from the very start and also started shipping morgana and gwen at like episode 3. they're still my main two but i love mergana, mergwaine, mercelot, gwencelot, pergwaine and freylin (even tho they were only in one ep they were so sweet😭) and literally all the other main ones. this show turned me into a multishipper istg

3. what's your favourite episode/two parter?

much like 90% of the fandom, a servant of two masters is my favourite episode ever. but also some of my favs are the poisoned chalice, the moment of truth, the lady of the lake, goblin's gold, the sword in the stone two parter and also diamond of the day, no matter how much i sob every time

4. what's your favourite scene?

oh god too many. merlin trying to kill arthur and failing and gwen thwacking him round the head with a jug is up there icl. any scene in the early seasons where arthur and morgana are being so siblings. the entire section of the s4 finale where arthur's enchanted. the magic reveal. there are so many i can't list them all

5. what's your favourite quote or interaction?

it's probably gotta be "i don't want you to change. i want you to always be you." from the finale i think. but so many others - "you're the only friend i have and i couldn't bear to lose you", "he is your destiny and he is your doom"/"she is the darkness to your light, the hatred to your love", also every time merlin is sarcastic and anything dragoon ever says ever.

6. how do you feel about the ending?

gay fan brain is screaming in agony but vaguely more stable brain thinks its good. nowhere near perfect, i think it was too fast and there needed to be more time where arthur knew about merlin's magic and we saw him dealing with the mental battle. but on the whole i think it was pretty good, the performances in it are amazing and it still makes me sob every single time. i do also love the open ending with the time jump!! it's like they gifted us fic bases on a silver platter

7. what's your favourite headcanon in merlin?

i love the idea that there were characters who knew about merlin's magic but never said anything, especially gwen and gwaine because you cannot tell me those two didn't already know. in fics i love when arthur knows and has been struggling with figuring out what to do for a while but in canon i think he was just too dumb lmao

i also love the headcanon (which is basically canon let's be real) that basically all of the servants and guards and anyone who ever met merlin and arthur just Know abt them and treat merlin like arthur's mistress

8. do you have a favourite merlin fic?

again too many i can't choose one

it's like The merlin fic rec but i LOVE and like the cycle of the year we begin again by katherynefromphilly

there are three i read the other day that i'm just in love with, all magic reveal fics and all by the same author. i love the writing style and characterisation so much 😭 in some sad way i already knew, something immortal and revelations by loser_angel

a sweet magic reveal rewrite of the end of the poisoned chalice - what most likely probably actually happened by TrebleMaker07 (can you tell ive been binge reading magic reveal fics recently)

gotta get a crack fic in here, this one's the knights playing gwen or merlin abt things they've heard arthur say - the servant or the wife? by diabeetus

and it wouldnt be a sarah fic rec list without the sapphics, so here's a really sweet morgwen au one i love, a little piece of home by doylefan22

this just turned into me recommending a bunch of my bookmarks but i love merlin fic writers so much ur all amazing

9. what is your personal headcanon for post-s5

if we're saying canon happens here, im a big fan of arthur returns from avalon for merlin. not for the country or for some big thing, but for merlin when his need is greatest because he's the only thing left of arthur's albion

if we're ignoring the canon ending, i love the idea that arthur lifts the magic ban and makes merlin court sorcerer. it's a common one but i can't help but love a fix it where everyone's happy 🤷‍♀️ i think gwen would know about arthur's Feelings for merlin and vice versa and would be fine with it, with either her and arthur staying together as a marriage of convenience or they're poly, either way i just need those three ruling camelot together

10. what's your favourite character?

morgana. partially because it's katie mcgrath and im very in love with her but also bc i just generally love mildly fucked up female characters. i can't say i entirely love what the writers did with her storyline in later seasons but she's so interesting as a character and she deserved so much better and i just wanna give her a hug

close second being merlin himself because who doesnt love him😭 i also just wanna give him a hug. every character in this show needs a hug wtf

Merlin questions to do when you’re bored

1. How did you find out about merlin?

2. Do you have a ship? If so, when did you start shipping them?

3. What’s your favorite episode/two-parter?

4. What’s your favorite scene?

5. What’s your favorite quote/interaction? (ex | merlin: “how long have you been training to be a prat, my lord?” | arthur: “i love poetry” merlin: 😀)

6. How do you feel about the ending? 😉

7. What’s your favorite headcanon in merlin?

8. Do you have a favorite merlin fic? Please share 😍

9. What is your personal head-canon after s5? (Ex: arthur dies and merlin waits for 1500 years | the roundtable lives | merlin becomes court-sorcerer)

10. What’s your favorite character?

That’s all!! Tell me if you want more!! Answer in the reblogs!! Or comment!! Or anywhere!!

#THIS WAS FUN #woah very long post tho #but i love shit like this #give me any chance to ramble abt this show and fandom and im there #bbc merlin #rb tag #bbc merlin spoilers #<- spoilers tag for my gf bc shes only on s1 <333

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yandere-daze · 2 years ago

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HI OH MYG GOSH GOOD DAY DAZE!!!! its been awhile since ive last checked on tumblr KSJSN but im on the app rn and yes!! the character limit doesnt apply here sooo.. now that i can type in everything i wanted to say, i hope u dont mind me rambling for a bit!

first of all, tysm for answering the df ask!! ive taken in all of the newfound knowledge + the fact rhat. that. that they have sm potential now that im thinking about them again. they literally pop up in my head in the most random times????? me just minding my business doing hw and then suddenly theres a non-existent voice in my mind just chanting “double face partners in crime” over and over again LMAO

i really enjoy the thought of them having little competitions and a rivalry to win reader over except its just one-sided for kohaku 💀 madara patting him on the back like “sure bud lets do this!” with his signature mama aura. i can just imagine him being like (✿^‿^) and kohaku just giving him the most dead face ever in response while getting a body bag out IM SOBBING THEYRE SO SILLYJDJFHH

ALSO !!!!! STIPPLING !!!! BANGER SONG!! i agree kohaku sounds really good in it like,, his vocals are godly i love him so much </3 i listen to the song while studying a lot!! its really calming and genuinely one of my fav enstars songs huhu (+ i almost fell asleep to it and accidentally dropped my phone on my face AKJSJS)

anyways moving onto the next thing i wanted to talk abt, i recently started twst >:D i wasnt really that interested in it prior stumbling upon ur blog but i recently finished binging on ur enstars stuff and i wanted to read more of ur writing sooo.. i ended up checking ur twst works >_< i was actually p aware that u wrote abt it awhile back when u still had ur old layout but i only ended up checking them out now JSJDN eventually i fell into the rabbit hole of mentally-unwell-pretty-boys-who need-a-therapist and now im stuck and im not sure what i should feel abt it /lh

everytime lilia appears on screen all i can think of is why theres a war criminal here. enstars has a chokehold on me like the first thing i thought when i saw riddle was KASA????? THE HANAE NATSUKIFICATION OF TSUKASA SUOU???

but im enjoying the game so far!! i really wanted to punt ace to the moon at first but now he is my little meow meow. i will put him in a blender (affectionate)

other than that, i hope ur doing well!! make sure to rest up and drink lots of water. have a nice day! ^^

🍡 anon

HEYHEY! Great to hear from you again, 🍡 anon! So it looks like the mystery of anons breaking through the character limit has been solved? I don´t really understand why you´re able to type an unlimited amount in the app but you´re so restricted on desktop. It makes zero sense to me but at least we know now? I´ve almost always sent in asks through the tumblr app so I wasn´t even aware of a character limit until you told me jkflef

And you´re right, they really do have so much potential and I´m so happy you enjoyed my little rambles!! Lmao the grip they have on you is immense, run while you still can! This is only the first step for them to have you all to themselves!!1!

The one-sided rivalry, I´m crying💀 Kohaku is so serious about this too and Madara is just like "yeah you go kid, slay!" And him grabbing a body bag while they´re having this conversation took me out. Like that was just so casual I can´t snflsfbl No but literally I feel so giddy reading and responding to these asks but I always feel so formal because writing a lot makes me want to keep the correct grammar and stuff so i´m worried that i come over as...stiff or something which I definitely don´t want!😭 I´m just a silly little guy happily typing away on my keyboard!

STIPPLING YES! THE BEST SONG OF ALL TIME; CHANGE MY MIND! Kohaku really does sound so lovely in this song, there´s a reason why I put this song in the highest tier when I was ranking all the enstars songs that one time! I even put it as the very first song even though I didn´t really rank them within the tier or anything like that. But the song deserved it <3

Also does anyone else feel like the song is really short when playing enstars music? Or is that just me? I know looking at the actual time of the mv that it´s a normal length of a song but I SWEAR it feels so short when I´m playing it. It´s over so quickly!

And omg you started twst? And you were interested because of my stories?? WAHHH I´m so flattered, really!😭😳 I´m always so giddy whenever someone says that I managed to drag them into one of the two fandoms like...good! *rubs my grubby little hands together as my evil masterplan comes to fruition*

Mentally ill pretty boys is definitely a shared concept between the both games jflsjnlf i hope you´re enjoying your time so far though!

Lilia truly is a war criminal, it´s true! Also funny that you´re saying this about Tsukasa, I actually had the reverse thing kind of happen to me. As you can probably tell from both my old and my new profile pic ( and also my old header picture sfl) I really like Riddle! And I started playing twst before I got introduced to enstars by a friend so when I looked at Tsukasa I definitely went "omg he kind of looks like riddle. YOu guys have the same hair!!". It´s no surprise that both of them have me in a choke-hold now. Do I have a thing for redheads? Maybe so skfslbf

I relate so hard to that Ace thing tho. Like the first time you meet him in the prologue and he mocks you for not knowing the great seven and everything I wanted to punch him! And I mean he kind of still is an asshole but now he´s *our* asshole, you know? He´s definitely grown on me as the story went on!

Man I feel like I´ve written such a long response, I´m sorry jnlf

Also new drinking game : take a shot every time I write "definitely" because I´m noticing a certain tendency here

( Please don´t do this actually )

#anon ask #🍡 anon

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solange-lol · 4 years ago

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hiii in celebration of AUctober, what are some of your fav solangelo AUs?

Anonymous said to solange-lol:

Hi! Kinda a random question: do you have any favorite riordanverse fanfics that you’d suggest reading? I’m looking for ones to read, but I’ve been having trouble finding new ones! Thanks!

rec list #1 | rec list #2

all recs can be found under the tag ‘lizs solangelo fic recs’ on my blog!

technically its past auctober now, but better late then never to drop my third solangelo rec list!! especially considering the state of the world rn ... lets just say its a celebration of me actually participating in sw for the first time in a while

rec under cut as always!! its not all aus but its the count that thots

Find Another Place to Stay by @unwieldyink

personally i think breakup fics are incredibly underrated, and i also think annie is incredibly underrated, so enjoy ur little cry if you read this one (tw // violence in this one)

Hershey’s kiss by @unwieldyink

we love a godswap!! it’s actually been a while since ive read this one and i reread this while making this rec list and can i just say that zeus!nico and hermes!will are both such valid concepts and this just has a rly good dynamic to it

Actors by @buoyantsaturn

i could talk about this fic for hours but lets just say ao3 has told me ive visted this fic 40 times. im not kidding. fake dating is just a godtier trope

start of something new by jinniefic

if you know me, you know that i fricken LOVE high school musical, and this is literally just the start of the first movie but solangelo and honestly a little more iconic please read even if ur not a hsm fan

paper/plastic by @rosyredlipstick

the fact that this is from 2018 and took this long to get into my rec list is tragic because i think about this fic a lot... a lot. mortal au. very chill, strangers to lovers, very good vibes, will be rereading soon (everything rosy writes is amazing we already knew this)

10:37pm by @buoyantsaturn

surprise another cj fic! fun fact she debated with us for a good half hour about what to title this fic so go read it so you can tell her you like the name (and the fic itself... its a very good fic) (tw // alchohol and drug use for this one)

Sunflower by ChiseHatori

3 days in the infirmary is probably the easiest trope u can find in the solangelo tag but i have to say this one really made me soft just bc it feels a lot more in character than some of the others ive read, and it basically picks up right where they ended in the books

Will You, or Will You Not? by @thebluesideofmyworld

marriage fics... also very soft. just boys bein boys. dual engagements. mortal au. all that good stuff vv soft i loved it

let your heart win by @justanothervampiregirl

this one is short but its also probably one of the most in character fics ive ever read and i really like this style of writing mixed with canon compliance so :)

The Magic of Naomi Solace by Sweetymomo

naomi solace, underratted legend. i aspire to have her relationship with will. lots of familial background if you like that!! and its set at a bnb!!

forget all the shooting stars and silver moons by itotallyreadthatbook

when i saw this in the tag i was SO excited bc we love high school aus here and it was!! very good indeed!! this trope is one ive never seen before and i recommend 10/10 good banter

They won’t always live by Phantomxlegend

will overworking himself and coping with loss always makes me :(( so if ur okay with some will angst then buckle up

“I am fully capable of kicking your ass” by @unwieldyink

i remember i saw the email notification for this one and immediately was like yup absolutely im in and it 100% lives up to its title we love capture the flag solangelo

the night we met by peachyytomlinson

a lil ooc but also very angsty and did make me emotional when i read this late at night. i think i wrote something similar a while back but i just aaaaa will angst man

“look how hard i can cry FWSHHH” by @buoyantsaturn

call me biased bc i like to claim that i originated the idea of demeter!will and cj dedicated this fic to me but like BRO its so soft and i love it here nico leave the plants along challenge failed

femboy hooters, or the time percy jackson failed to keep a secret by luciethebean

its all fun and games until the fic turns out to genuinely be really good. like, yes the title is exactly what you think it is but it doesnt matter bc its so fricken well written im^@*#&(*)($_$#&^@$(@*)* yeah

Of Ties and Significant Annoyances by seokjinvilla (@thechampagnecocainegasoline)

we dont support jkr in this household but what we do support is this bc this plot is genius and i love it

everything’s going swimmingly by tsunamiroll (@catboy-ethan)

fun fact i posed the idea of a sports/team prompt to the sw mod crew literally just so someone would pull through and write a swim au and ethan DID without even knowing. i love them and their writing style is so !!!! please read it

when you smile (the whole world stops) by tsunamiroll (@catboy-ethan)

another ethan fic!! this is the perfect fic for a rough day where u just want some cuddles bc thats literally the plot of the fic. i love this one with my entire heart its very fluffy 10/10 do reccomend

pumpkin spice (i hate it, it's not nice) (ok maybe it's a little nice) by tsunamiroll (@catboy-ethan)

ethan fic part 3!! bc i binge read these all in one night!! literally again their writing style is so amazing and the witty banter!!!! also we love a retail bookstore au

Burnt Plastic (and Other Bad Ideas) by More_of_This

so this one isnt exactly romantically solangelo but it is hilarious in my opinion and i absolutely adore well written college aus and while i know nothing about college this fic is so funny to me (if you read the tags there is, in fact, a raccoon involved) (tw // drinking for this one)

all because you kissed me goodnight by @buoyantsaturn

i have been WAITING for a mortal counselors au and im sure theres some out there already but y’all already know im a cj stan! lots of slowburn, friends to lovers, coworkers, all the good stuff (and i named this one and offered cj a lot of materials from my own camp so this one especially hits!! i reccomend for those good ol summer vibes!!) (tw // drinking for this one)

Waiting With You by @buoyantsaturn

oh boy buckle up if u want an angst ride because this fic tore me apart. i keep threatning cj with “dont pull another waiting with you”. that being said, very much feels like a movie while youre reading it, very fluffy in the middle, we love mutual pining.

Little Italian Boy by @buoyantsaturn

stream little italian boy by grace gilmore. youll get it. thats it.

The Clues by @thebluesideofmyworld

secret dating when done well is legit one of my favorite tropes of all time and this!!! this!!!!!!!!! its outsiders perspective also which is another one of my favorite tropes, and just little views on nicos life and i love it

So Come On, Talk it Out (your voice brought me back from the dead) by @buoyantsaturn

will solace, sponsered by kitkats, cj edition

no but if you read tower of nero you’ll really like this missing pieces pre-ton fic this is a really soft little fic with a bunch of easter eggs from the book in it, so i highly recommend! if you havent read ton yet and are still avoiding spoilers, come back to this one!

reaching for the sun (you, you, you) by moonswords (@tortadelimao)

i just read this one about 2 hours ago for the first time and i am Still thinking about it. its like the getting together that i literally feel like is canon and the vibes are Immaculate (also william “what about me looks straight” solace)

“Are we on a date right now?” by @unwieldyink

overworked will, nico helping out in the infirmary, first dates & hikes, canon compliant, we love to see it (also its an annie fic so ur required by law to read it)

Outrunning karma by Phantomxlgend

more will angst! featuring angry overworked will!

Everlasting Ring by minyoongurt (@blueblackslowtown)

i was Very excited when i read the summary of this one, and i think minyoongurt did a really good job!! healer will, injured nico, the whole dynamic. also i love the idea of nico only knowing “thank you” “go away” and “fuck you” in sign language. im pretty sure thats canon

The Little Thing by Rainbow_Mess

i belive this is also a pre-toa fic thats just exploring all the stuff we found out about will in ton and its very short and sweet :)

and of course, a few of my recent works for your consideration

who is he (and what is he to you?)

just doing my silly little tasks

i don’t need three bars to tell me we’re meant to connect

truly, madly, deeply

#solangelo #will solace #nico di angelo #pjo #heros of olympus #lizs solangelo fic recs #mine

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katybirdy95 · 4 years ago

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What are your fave bios/nonfiction books on WOTR and why? (the other ask was mine but I wrote 'gave' inside 'fave' I had to correct myself, sorry)

Hi there!

It’s been a while since I’ve read some biographies on the wars of the Roses, to be honest, I’ve been having a historical fiction binge and I’m now trying to get back to reading more non-fiction. Anyway, I have a few that I remember enjoying.

Elizabeth Woodville: Mother to the Princes in the Tower by David Baldwin. I read this in my teens and enjoyed it, but I will say I’m not as interested in Elizabeth than other historical figure of that time period. It’s a sympathetic take on Elizabeth and what I believe to be a meticulously researched piece, although I would probably ask other blogs on here that have researched this queen more for their opinion. What I like about this book is that it covers a great deal of Elizabeth’s life, which other biographies don’t tend to do and although at times I have seen Elizabeth as more of a cold figure - blame it on the numerous fictional depictions - I found Baldwin’s depiction of this queen to be realistic and accurate to what the real Elizabeth might have been. I might reread this biography to refresh my mind on this queen though as it’s been a while.

Winter King: Henry VII and the Dawn of Tudor England by Thomas Penn. I would say this is more Tudor than Wars of the Roses, but it does speak about his victory at Bosworth Field in the prologue and early chapters, so I thought I’d recommend it anyway. It’s such a great biography on Henry VII and Penn’s knowledge on his subject is very detailed and largely historically accurate, although sometimes he can contradict himself on certain theories and conspiracies. It’s not your typical novel that goes through a monarch’s entire life, instead Penn focuses on Henry’s coming to power and the subsequent events that follow, although he does go back and forth when discussing past and present events in Henry’s life. There have been some that found Penn’s writing style a little disjointed and too narratively at time with a sprinkling of familiarity, but I think if you stick with it, you’ll get use to his style of writing.

The Brothers York: An English Tragedy by Thomas Penn. This came out last year and again like The Winter King, it’s very well researched. I think if you enjoy reading about the York brothers this will be a good start for you. The only thing I would say is that Penn glosses over the mystery of who killed the princes in the tower, but due to the discovery of Richard III’s body, he was able to discuss the king’s scoliosis and raised shoulder and how it would have affected him. I’d say it’s a detailed read filled with tones of information.

Uncrowned Queen: The Fateful Life of Margaret Beaufort, Tudor Matriarch by Nicola Tallis. This is the first comprehensive biography on Margaret Beaufort from the last three decades. I haven’t read it in its entirety as I recently purchased it, but from what I’ve read so far it’s very good and worth a read. I might edit this later once I’ve finished it.

Wars of the Roses: The Fall of the Plantagenets and Rise of the Tudors by Dan Jones. I think Jones does a good job at describing the numerous battles and political sides of the wars of the roses, especially when describing the power dynamics between historical figures such as Warwick, Margaret of Anjou, Margaret Beaufort etc. I will say that sometimes Jones’ own personal biases in favour and against certain figures shines through, especially with Richard Plantagenet, Duke of York, Richard III and Edward IV.

I hope some of these suggestions are helpful for anyone wanting to get into the wars of the roses. I have read a few more, but I thought these ones in particular were pretty good.

#wars of the roses #elizabeth woodville #henry vii #richard iii #edward iv #margaret beaufort #house of plantagenet #book recommendations

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bagelbitch666 · 4 years ago

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Thanks for tagging me @clandestinemeetingsinthetrees - this is so exciting!

Rules: Answer 30 questions and tag 20 blogs (that I will never reach) you are contractually obligated to get to know better.

Name: Emilee

Gender: Female

Star sign: i had to ask my sister bc astrology is cool but it is confusing and shes better at it than me lol; capricorn sun, sagittarius moon, taurus rising

Height: 5′3

Time: 11:15 PM (EST)

Birthday: December 28

Favorite bands: oof The Doors, Pinegrove, Vampire Weekend, Arctic Monkeys, Mazzy Star, Joyce Manor, Fleetwood Mac, brockhampton, Gorillaz, too many more lmao

Favorite solo artists: Father John Misty, Mitski, Harry Styles, billy joel, there’s more i just can’t think

Last movie: I watched Easy A with my dog last night lol

Last show: I just pulled an all nighter to binge bridgerton a night or two ago and I both hated and loved it

When did i create this blog?: about a month ago? I started a new one to get more involved in the zk community and my old blog originated from my 2011 ish one direction phase and has not been in use for a few years now

What I post: For the most part ATLA content (zutara centered) some general ranting, and fanfiction related stuff. I’m trying to keep it to that lol

Last thing i googled: ngl something about my dog bc she hasn’t been feeling good tonight, I was nervous that I might have to take her to the vet but I think I webmd diagnosed her so I’m gonna play it by ear bc I honestly think she just ate her dinner too quickly lol.

Other blogs: I have my old blog that I used from like 2011-now, and I definitely had another earlier on from like 2009-10 ish

Do i get asks?: I’ve only had a few so far here, but its been really cool to get them - I used to love answering asks on my old blog but I haven’t been active in a couple of years

Why I chose my url: I used it as my pokemon go username forever ago and couldn’t think of something to use on the fly so i went with this lmao i honestly just think its funny

Following: 129

Followers: 26

Average hours of sleep: I have terrible insomnia so it really depends on the kind of day im having i can do 0-3, 5-7, or 9-12 lmao

Instruments: I played cello since I was a kid but haven’t been able to seriously play since high school - I really want to pick it back up again, and I play some bass but I practice every couple of months when i have enough wine lol

What am i wearing: A shirt I wore to work today, and joggers bc I couldn’t handle wearing my dress pants any longer after I got home.

Dream job(s): I’d love to make a living off of my writing one day, at one point I really wanted to say fuck it and be a screenwriter, but now I keep it as more of a hobby. I’d also more realistically like to work in publishing.

Dream trip: I would love to go back to Italy - specifically the Amalfi coast because that is where my family is from. I got to spend a few days in Sorrento where my great great grandparents lived when I graduated high school. If anything I’d like to live there lol i want to explore the area a bit more - we stopped at pompeii and capri and I wish I could spend some more time there

Favorite food: ive been obsessed with grilled cheese and tomato soup recently - its been a struggle meal but a good one

Nationality: American

Favorite song: Ah this changes so much but I’d say either Aphasia or Darkess by Pinegrove. Those two have been stuck in my head since early fall and I cant get them to go away lol

Last book i read: I think it’s probably twilight tbh a month or two ago I was going to try to reread them all before I read midnight sun and have yet to finish the rest bc of school - might pick it back up on vacation next week

Top 3 fictional universes I’d like to live in: atla, percy jackson, and in general i wish I existed on the same plane as a main character in a jane austen novel

Tagging: @sukkadeservedbetter, @lordmomohismomoness @gemgirl28, @silversandwichbites

#yall are my biggest fans in my activity so thanks for interacting lol #this was so fun ive never done one of these before!#clandestinemeetingsinthetrees #thank you so much for the tag!

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taurusjaehyun · 6 years ago

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kiss me // j.jh

♦️Pairing: jaehyun x fem reader

♦️Other Members/ Characters: 97 line GC (Eunwoo, Jungkook and Mingyu) + Jihyo of Twice (also a 97 liner)

♦️Genre: smut, fluff,, bf Jaehyun, uni au

♦️Warnings: rough sex, nipple play(?), slight cock warming, squirting, overstimulation, multiple orgasms, badly written smut lmao, mentions of RuPaul’s Drag Race bc I’ve been binging on it after Netflix put all the seasons on!!!

♦️Word count: 3,981

♦️Story: Finals are done and you finally have proper time with your boyfriend Jaehyun but he barely pays you any attention. He won’t even give you a kiss you because of a stupid mobile game.

Note: A request by anon for bf!Jaehyun. Also, yeaaah, this isn’t proof read, sorry for the shitty aftercare and the shitty writing in general lol. Tell me what you guys think, please! I’d love feedback so I can improve hehe <3

"Kiss me." You say as you push yourself up closer to your boyfriend’s face, who was currently focused on his phone as he laid next to you in your bed, playing whatever mobile phone game he was addicted to with the guys. It was kind of annoying, really.

You purse your lips and make kissy sounds, making him chuckle. You roll your eyes at him but he doesn’t notice, because he was too focused on his phone. You couldn’t believe how he’d rather play with his phone and his friends rather than spending time with you, his girlfriend, despite it being a free Sunday for the both of you. Finals were fucking finally over for all of you after the two of you, along with your friends had spent every day studying (more like cramming) to try and ace your tests.

It was safe to say the two of you hadn’t had sex in a while. Plus, this was your only time alone together after a while as your roommate, Jihyo was on a date with her boyfriend, Eunwoo. Jihyo was a bit anal about you bringing in Jaehyun to your dorm to have sex after she had caught you and Jaehyun fucking a few times (it was more than a few times, honestly). You couldn’t hold it against her because she never had sex with Eunwoo in your dorm. Ever. Or not that you know of.

You pinch Jaehyun’s side, making him yelp but he barely spares you a glance. You pucker your lips again and make kissy faces at him, trying to annoy him more than anything at this point. Jaehyun tilts his head towards you, eyes still focused on the screen of his phone as he blindly pecks at your face, kissing your nose instead of your lips like you wanted to.

Feeling annoyed, you grab the phone out of his hands and turn it off. You set his phone on your nightstand, straddle him and cup his cheeks, squishing and pinching it with your hands. His hands automatically make his way to your hips as he looks up with you with a less than pleased expression.

“I was about to beat Mingyu and Jungkook, you know,” he grunts in annoyance, taking hold of your hands that started to pinch his cheeks painfully. He pulls your hands off his cheeks and intertwines his fingers with yours.

You laugh, “Baby, today’s our free day. You can kill them some other time!” You started to grind your hips against his, testing the waters. You really wanted to take advantage of the time alone you had with the love of your life and do anything and everything you’ve wanted to do for the past few weeks. Also, fucking the built up stress away wasn’t a bad idea.

Jaehyun watches you, grinding and circling your hips, almost as if he was hypnotized. He bit his lip and gives you a pointed look, “I thought we weren’t allowed to have sex here anymore?”

You lean back and shrug, “Jihyo isn’t here anyways. What does she know?”

“Well Jungkook and Mingyu know how important my ranking is in that game to me. And they know I’m here with you.” Jaehyun chuckles, “they’re already probably going off in the group chat that we’re already fucking and you know Eunwoo’s in the chat too.”

You stop grinding on him, and sighed before blowing a raspberry, “I honestly don’t give a shit. Jihyo knows I’m putting RuPaul’s Drag Race over everything, including you so I could just say I forced you to watch.”

Jaehyun scoffs and looks at you as if he’s offended, “so you mean to say you finished the season we were watching WITHOUT ME?” He lets go of your hands and holds onto your thighs, squeezing.

You explode in laughter, knowing well that Jaehyun took offense in it. You both were big fans of the show that you’d do marathons of it together, especially the most recent All Stars season. “Trinity-“

He puts up a finger to your lips, “ok, spoiler queen. I don’t need to know. I’ll watch it for myself.”

“No, I’ll tell you right now! Trinity and Monet-“

Jaehyun puts his hands over his ears, closes his eyes and starts howling, and basically doing every annoying sounds he could produce, just to shut you up.

You laugh, trying to pull his hands away from his ear, telling him about the finale. Each second he goes on with his act, the more you found it funny so you ended up bellowing in laughter, weak as you fall down on his chest, shoulders shaking.

Jaehyun sighs as he wraps an arm around you, patting your head gently. “God, you’re annoying.”

Still in fits of giggles, you sit up again and hover over him, staring at him. Jaehyun was probably one of the most beautiful men you’ve ever seen in your life and you thought you were blessed to have been given a chance to be one of the people he loved in this world. “You love me, though.”

Jaehyun gives you a goofy smile, “that I do, sweetheart. So fucking much. You have no idea.”

“Prove it!”

“How?”

"Kiss me."

Jaehyun didn’t have to be told twice. His hands find its way on the back of your head, and he pulls you close while he lifts his head up to meet you halfway and locks his lips with yours.

You chuckle and proceed to kiss him. Deep and hard, always. His tongue swipes on your lower lip and you grant him access and soon your tongues wrapped around each other. You didn't know how long you were kissing but all you knew was you were already feeling dizzy and breathless but you just wanted to taste him again and again.

People might call you crazy but every time you saw him, he still gave you the butterflies he made you feel from the first time you saw him. That was how you knew you were already in love with him. You were so into in him that his mere touch sent shivers up your spine and when he makes love to you, you’re afraid you’ll burst into tears because of the overwhelming feelings he gives you.

You pull away and pull off the large t-shirt that you used as pyjamas. Underneath it, you weren’t wearing anything because you knew you’d be fucking your boyfriend. You shoot him a smile as you cup your breasts for him, earning a whistle from him. You knew he loved your nipples and right now, they looked too appetizing to him, already so hard and begging to be sucked by him.

He bites his lips at the sight of your naked and pliant body. He knew how conscious you were of your body but he loved how you trusted him too much that you were confident naked in front of him. He was thankful for that because for him it was a way to really say how much you trusted and loved him.

You grab his hands and rest them over your breasts as you start to circle your hips on him again. He had an obsession with you boobs that he would find a way to suck your nipples most of the time, that when you would sleep over at his dorm (which was better because the athletic department had budget and gave them solo rooms) even before you sleep, he sucks your nipples. It was endearing.

You were his and he was yours. As soon as he lets go of your nipples, you kiss his neck, making sure to rub you hard nipples against his chest as you pull up his shirt and help him fully take it off. He cups your face as you kiss and you rush to undo his jeans. You plant kisses down his neck, chest and stomach as you go lower, pulling down his jeans.

His half hard cock pops out as you pull down his underwear and help him get both his jeans and underwear off around his ankles until the both of you were buck naked. You settle between his legs, kissing his thighs, just taking your time but your hands find his cock, the tip leaking with clear liquid.

You spit on your hands, easing the friction and starting to jerk him off. You use the pad of your thumb to rub the slit of his cock, watching how his cock twitches and gets harder at the action. His dick continues to leak pre-cum, enough for you to spread it around the sensitive mushroom head of his shaft.

“Fuck, baby. Stop playing and suck it if you’re going to,” he hisses, fisting the sheets beside him.

“Ok, ok.” You laugh but you continue to play with his sensitive head. You gather your spit in your mouth and drop it slowly on the head of his dick, circling your tongue to the air so the spit goes around and covers the rest of his cock. “I’ll get your dick wet first, you big baby.”

Jaehyun moans as you start to jack him off, your left teasing the head and the right jerking the rest of his cock. He watches you as you bite your lips in concentration as you jerk him off, using the tricks that are fool proof to make him feel good. Especially that jerk-jerk-twist-jerk movement that had his hips bucking.

Without a word, you start to suck on his head, slurping on the salty precum, making him hiss in pleasure. You use your now free left hand to fondle on his balls as you keep jerking and sucking him off. When the moisture from your spit around the rest of his length dries, you slowly take him in your mouth, deep throating him.

You keep your thumb in your fist, trying to keep your gagging down as you used your left hand to hold onto the base of his cock as you take him deeper inside your mouth until your nose was touching his belly, his trimmed pubes prickling you.

Jaehyun was always amazed how you manage to take in his whole length but then again, you always managed to surprise him and managed to exceed his expectations which was one of the reasons for why he fell in love with you. Out of all the girls around him, you managed to catch his attention and he found himself unable to keep you out of his mind until the two of you got to work together since you were both in student government.

You lift your head a little and bob your head, keeping his dick down your throat, knowing this would surely cover the whole of his cock with your spit. Jaehyun had always been a loud grunter and moaner so it was no doubt that the room was filled with Jaehyun’s sounds of pleasure and curses as you make him feel good with your mouth. Once you couldn’t hold your breath anymore, you pull away from his cock.

You take the spit stringing your mouth to the head of his cock with your fingers and jerk him off. Jaehyun looks at you, mouth swollen, eyes lidded and tears forming at your ducts. You lean forward, rubbing the head of his cock against your nipples, making him groan at the sight. You take him in your mouth again, this time, just comfortably sucking him off, just taking in the length you could casually and jerk the rest of his shaft.

He grabs a hold of your head, pushing your pony tail back and tucking the strands that came apart from the vigorous bobbing of your head on his cock. Jaehyun starts to thrust his hips up so you stop moving, your arms on either sides of his hips on the bed, letting him fuck your face at his own pace. When he thrusts to particularly deep, you end up gagging and you pull away, coughing.

Jaehyun gasps in worry, immediately sitting up and cups your face. “Sorry, sorry! I didn’t mean to! I’m so sorry, sweetheart.”

You let out a giggle and peck his lips, “it’s ok, love.”

"So now, it’s my turn to please my lady." He grins as he kisses you on the cheek before he maneuvers you to the head of the bed and pushes you down until he was hovering over you and in between your legs. He licks the tips of his fingers and rubs at your clit, making you twitch. He reaches down and slips two of his fingers inside you with no warning, making you gasp. “You’re this wet for me, sweetheart? Well shit.” He grins at you, teasing as his he finds a comfortable paces to fuck you with his fingers.

You close your eyes, reveling in the sensation of his fingers stretching you and rubbing against your spot as you squeeze your breasts. God, he knew just how to make you feel so good, and you couldn’t wait for the main event: his cock but his fingers were doing more than good that you find yourself bucking against his hand as your orgasm comes over you fast, like it was unexpected that you didn’t realize you were cumming until it you started to scream and tremble.

“That was fast,” Jaehyun teases, pulling his fingers out of you slowly, watching your pussy juice stringing as he separates his fingers. He takes the fingers from inside you and shoves it in his mouth and licks it clean. It as a shame you couldn’t see it as you were still basking in the after effects of your orgasm, eyes pinched close. “I didn’t even touch your clit!” He says, giving you a teasing look. “You must’ve waited for this long, huh?”

You grin at him, but still trying to calm yourself down by taking deep breaths. “We haven’t had sex since Jihyo made us stop having sex here and finals was a bitch, Jae. I was stressed!” You close your eyes, clutching your chest dramatically.

Jaehyun laughs at you and kneels in front of you, lifting your hips and pulling you to him. He lifts your hips and settles it on top of his legs. You feel him line his cock to your slit and pushes his head in.

“Wait! I’m not ready yet!” You whimper, using your legs to push yourself off but his grip on your hips was strong and he had already pushed inside you, the whole of his length inside you. Your eyes roll back as his tip presses against your sweet spot but at the same time, the burn of the stretch makes you hiss in pain. He was never an easy size to begin with.

“Relax, babe.” He says gently as he takes a hold of your waist but you see how he has his eyes closed and his mouth agape. “You’re fucking tight.”

Still feeling the stretch, you lift your head and hit his hand on your waist, making him laugh. “You’re an asshole. I’m still sensitive.” You pouted.

“I know, love. Your pussy’s still throbbing.” He gives you a sweet smile and grabs your legs to wrap them around him. He takes his time, keeping his cock inside you while he takes his time into admiring your serene face and running his hands on your skin. “You ok?” He intertwines your fingers and plants kisses on the back of your hand, watching you remain silent with your eyes closed.

You eventually give him a sign but don’t answer him, instead, you smile at him as you squeeze your walls around his cock, making him wince. “Your cock is-AH!”

He starts to move his hips, just grinding do every roll of his hips, his cock hitting your sweet spot. "Ah, shit. You're so fucking tight." He groans as he finally pulls his hips back and drove into me slowly, bottoming out and slamming back in, making you moan at the sweet pressure inside.

You wrap your legs tighter around him as he moved his hips up, hitting your sweet spot at a different angle as he leans down and sucks at your nipples. Fucking Jaehyun wouldn’t be fucking him if he wasn’t sucking on your nipples while he was fucking into you. You keep his head close to you, as if you were holding a baby’s head sucking on its mother’s nipple. Honestly, with the amount of times he was sucking on your nipples, you wouldn’t be surprised if you started lactating out of the blue.

He lifts your legs as he starts slow but deep thrusts and puts both of your legs over his shoulders as he leans down, basically folding you in half. He captures your lips while his hips pick up pace. He kisses the sensitive spots on your neck as he builds up a steady pattern of fucking you, making you eyes roll back in pleasure. He licks the skin from you ear to my neck, making you shiver and buck your hips, easily receiving his hard cock.

He eventually goes into full force and you’re left to nothing but a moaning mess as he drives his hips to yours forcefully and in a pace beyond what you could handle. He was so deep inside you that you could the sweet pressure of his hard cock jabbing your cervix.

You claw at his back and grabbing onto whatever you could, holding on for dear life as he drives into you relentlessly, with his hands lifting up your hips for easier access. "F-fu...fuck! Ah! Soooo goo-...ood! Ah!!"

He pulls out and you groan at the loss of his cock inside you.

"Jaehyun, no," You groan desperately as he smirks at me.

"Patience, love." He smiles and lies on his back, making me straddle him.

Needing no words, you straddle him and slip down his length, releasing a sigh of pleasure at the fullness you’re feeling. You lean down and kiss him and he settles his hands on your ass cheeks, massaging and slapping. You pull away, moving your hips slowly, forward and backward, taking him in deep inside. You lean your head back, moaning from the pleasure.

He leans forward and sucks your left nipple and plays with your nipple with his hands, rolling the hard pebble with his fingers, pulling and squeezing. He groans in pleasure as you tighten your walls around him. He moves to your riģht nipple and sucks, and gives the same treatment as he did with your other nipple.

Jaehyun then pushes you down towards him and holds you tight as he starts thrusting hard and fast from below you. You squeal at the intense, hard pleasure coming in, giving you no room to breathe.

"JAEHYUN!!!!" You scream as you push your hips down to meet his thrusts and take him in any deeper, if it was possible. "FucK! AHH!!" You let myself go and my body becomes limbless at the excessive pleasure. You feel the drool escape your lips as you lean your face on the crook of his neck.

Without effort, he maneuvers you off of him and throws you on the bed then kissing every exposed inch of my skin he could reach. Once he reaches down, he doesn’t hesitate and proceeds to eat you out like a fucking maniac, making you scream and shiver in so much pleasure. There were lots of things Jung Jaehyun did well and one of the top things besides academics, basketball, cooking and fucking, eating you out would be included. And it didn't help that he knew your body like the back of his hand.

"Jaehyun! I'm cummimg!" You scream and before he could react, you were trembling, already in your second orgasm of the day. He never stopped sucking on your clit and started fingering you again, jus jabbing at your sweet spot while you were on the verge of your orgasm. You wanted to keep away but he had your hips on hold. Pretty soon, you felt it coming again and this time, you ended up squirting.

He looked pretty proud of himself after you were left a shivering mess. “There we go, good girl!” He smiles, kissing the back of your hand. “I told you I’d make you squirt, right?” The last time you had sex, knowing it’d be while before you could again, the two of you had rented a room and tried every position you wanted to try out and tried finding out your limits. He had made you squirt then and you both were amazed after seeing it once so he had promised you that he would be making you do it again.

“Jihyo’s gonna be so fucking mad when she gets home…” you trail off, still a bit high from your orgasm. “God, I’m dead. I need to find a new roommate.” You take a deep breathe, “also, I think… I’m gonna pass out.”

Jaehyun laughed, “at least let me cum before you pass out!”

“I fucking hate you right now.” You could feel the slight sheen of sweat on your body, besides from the body liquid you just expelled earlier.

“Excuse me, Ms. Y/N? You were the one that wanted this, remember?”

You wanted to pass out but you were sure Jaehyun wasn't over yet and besides, you always wanted Jaehyun’s cum inside you. It wasn't done until he came inside you. “Fuck me now, come on.” He immediately enters you and starts working his hips in a pace fast and hard.

"Fuck! Slow down!" It was too good that you could feel fresh tears drip down your temple. "Wait!!! Jaehyun" You try to push him away to at least slow him down but he holds you tighter and drives into you harder, constantly pressing against your g-spot. It was honestly like his cock was made for your pussy as he’s always hitting the places inside you that made you see stars.

"Ah, fuck! Your pussy so fucking tight for me!" He exclaims, followed with a plethora of curses as he does a steady pace of strong, deep, fast thrusts. He kisses you and holds tight on your breasts, squeezing them.

"I'm cumming!" You scream as you quickly cum on his cock which triggers his orgasm as well, but he keeps his shallow thrusts until he's emptied his cum all inside of you, filling you a few weeks worth of cum, filling you to the brim that some spill out even though his cock acted as a plug.

He stays inside you as the two of you kiss again, lazily this time, so you both could catch your breaths too. "I love you, y/n." He smiles at you, kissing your chin.

You laugh at his sweetness as you focus on breathing to slow down your fast heartbeat. Was it because of his words or your exhaustion? Or both? But you did know the exhaustion was taking over you. You close your eyes, basking in the warmth of his body against yours. Your ears were blocked and you were still trembling but you weren’t complaining.

Jaehyun knew you so he wasn’t expecting your reply and he already knows your answer anyways. Pretty soon, you quickly fall asleep, surprising him. But it was understandable because he made you spent so he cleaned up after you, wiping your body and your crotch with a warm towel and dressing you in panties and one of the shirts he’s left intentionally after he had cleaned himself up. It was the least he could do.

From Jung Jaehyun | 10:30AM

To Cha Eunwoo

So, what are you willing to do for me not to tell y/n I caught you and Jihyo fucking after ur gf made us stop fucking in their dorm? Send me your most expensive skin, Cha and try to beat me!

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gotatext · 5 years ago

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PREFERRED NAME — nora. i think i started going by it in like, 2009?? my full name is eleanor but i hated it n thought it was way too pretentious n i never felt like it fitted me so when i started writing on forums i decided i’d be a nora rather than eleanor and then my school friends called me it and it just kinda stuck, the only person who calls me eleanor is my mum

PRONOUNS — she / her / ethereal being beyond comprehension

AGE — 23 but i tell everyone im 21 because even tho time is literally fake im desperately clinging to that fleeting thing we call youth trying to catch it like smoke in my hands

PINTEREST — i actually have two. this one is my main one where i just cram all my shit n i’ve had it for years and some of its super unorganised. then i also have this one which is one i made for exclusively female characters. it started as mythological figures but now its like, women in literature and the occasional oc as well. variety is the spice of life!

DISCORD — lindsay lohan’s meth#8664

TUMBLR (PERSONAL/MUSE/RPH) — i used to be froseths but now im pvrscphones cos ya gal is a fucking whore for mythology

OTHER SOCIAL MEDIA YOU’D LIKE TO SHARE — oi oi guvna ere’s me twitta. also here’s my letterboxd n my goodreads if anyone still uses tht

MYER-BRIGGS — enfp / infp border .... the classic profile of a lit student

HP HOUSE — hufflepuff, am fuckin mad.

ZODIAC — libra which is a joke because i am in no way balanced but i guess i AM indecisive and a peacekeeper so?

DO YOU BELIEVE IN ASTROLOGY? — i believe it when it says good shits gonna happen in my life and blame it if bad shit happens but i don’t strongly follow it i just find it interesting

HOW OLD WERE YOU WHEN YOU STARTED RPING ON TUMBLR — maybe like 14?? my first rp blog here is literally so embarassing i wrote as clove from the hunger games n my best friend irl wrote cato :/ it was wild

WHAT YEAR WAS IT? — like 9 years ago?? 2010 maybs

NAME A RANDOM ROLEPLAY THAT STICKS OUT IN YOUR MEMORY — me n my friend ellie made this really cool group the summer before we left for uni which was loosely based on a concept mentioned mayb once in the divergent series, but it gave us loads of freedom to make it our own thing. it was called the fringe n it was like..... this dystopian society where people with different genes were cut off from the rest of society n lived in overrun slum cities where different groups had like, a monopoly over weapons, produce, etc.... my character jack was the leader of this lost-boy-esque tribe called the wolf pack who were hunters n used to run across the rooftops wearing the skins of animals they’d killed and engage in tribal rituals with sacrifices to the gods n shit. sounds lame but everyone there was so invested in their character arcs that it was a shame to see it go. but ! it kind of reached its end point so we blew it up w nukes n they all died. tragic.

WHAT WEIRD ANIMAL WOULD YOU HAVE AS A PET IF IT WAS REALISTIC — a fox?? do ppl keep foxes? idk i’ve always just felt a sense of connection w them like when a fox stares at me im like this shit is life i am living and breathing in this bitch.... visceral

NAME THE FIRST SONG ON YOUR DISCOVER WEEKLY ON SPOTIFY OR THE FIRST SONG THAT COMES ON APPLE MUSIC / ITUNES SHUFFLE — everbody party tonight by cobra man n summer girl by haim..... not my usual stuff but big summer chillin vibes,.....

NAME A BOOK THAT YOU READ IN SCHOOL THAT YOU SURPRISINGLY LIKED — lord of the flies and also the handmaid’s tale. one of assignments was to write a chapter from another character’s perspective n i chose moira

NAME A BOOK YOU HATED THAT MOST PEOPLE LIKED — skellig. fuck off with ur asprin ugly bat man i don’t care. also of mice and men. don’t care about the rabbits or curley’s goddamn wife.

WHAT TV SHOW DID YOU RECENTLY BINGE? — im not a big binger bc i find it jst makes me depressed if i watch tv all day but im nearly finished stranger things season 3 n i recently finished euphoria (big rec but proceed w caution as quite triggering content)

FAVOURITE QUOTE — cool girl speech from gone girl. but also “there’s something dangerous about the boredom of teenage girls” i know its like.... such an overused quote but it really encapsulates this kind of feral girlhood that a few of my characters like bridget n greta have tapped into. i also loved the line “i feel like i could eat the world raw” from song of achilles, that really captures this kind of.... pure n childlike enthusiasm tht i wanna achieve w rory

LINK TO A VINE THAT EXUDES YOUR ‘ENERGY’ — this is my energy completely am always covered in glitter n staring broodily out of the windows of ubers at 4am like im in the sad bit of an indie film

DO YOU WRITE OUTSIDE OF RP? WHAT DO YOU WRITE? — uhh.... not as much as i shd.... i want to be a writer so i shd be makin some effort to get my stuff Out Into The World but im just not.... lol. ive done a lot of poetry collections . i wnt to finish a novel @ some point too.

THREE YOUTUBERS YOU STILL TRUST — bold of you to assume i trust any youtubers

A CELEBRITY CRUSH THAT JUST WON’T QUIT — id literally die for saoirse ronan n timothee chalamet :/ chance perdomo also owns my ass.

EVER MEET A CELEBRITY? SHARE YOUR STORY — i once high-fived dani harmer, the actress who played tracy beaker. today my sister text me tryin to make me guess what celebrity she just saw on holiday in wales and for ages she let me think it was timmothee but it was actually bradley walsh from the chase :/

WHAT’S YOUR PICTURE-PERFECT NIGHT? — i am in a bomb ass crop top and mini skirt, several scrunchies in my hair, glitter all over my face, wearing cowboy boots. we eat dinner in a trendy but affordable pub that doubles up as a cocktail bar n then we drink zombies or sex on the beaches n go to a rave where everyone is on the same wavelength n i share drugs with girls in the toilets and we swap numbers knowing we will never text each other but its ok bc in that moment we feel like we are soulmates and everyone is super drunk n touching everyone else n its all very visceral and we walk through the woods when the rave ends and lie in the grass because we wish to suck out all the marrow of life

A CONSPIRACY THEORY YOU KINDA BELIEVE IN — princess diana was murdered

ARE ALIENS REAL? — maybe the real aliens are the friends we made along the way

PLAY ANY PHONE GAMES? WHICH ONES? — love island game im addicted and way too invested in my fictional relationship with bobby, a cartoon

WHAT’S A FILM YOU LOVED WHEN YOU WERE YOUNG AND RECENTLY WATCHED, ONLY TO FIND OUT YOU DON’T ANYMORE — bold of u to assume i remember my childhood. but if we’re talking last 10 years angust, thongs n perfect snogging is so so cringe

DO YOU COLLECT ANYTHING? — pairs of glasses belonging to other ppl when they break / get new ones even though i can see perfectly well.

WHAT’S SOMETHING YOU WANT TO LEARN MORE ABOUT BUT YOU’RE TOO LAZY? — mythology...... always a craving and a wish i’d read like ancient texts but my school wasn’t good enough to do greek or latin or any of that shit n even tho i could read english translations i cant be bothered. also criminal psychology

THREE LANGUAGES YOU DON’T SPEAK, BUT WISH YOU COULD — italian, french and latin

MOVIE YOU’VE WATCHED MORE THAN 5 TIMES — ladybird, about time, angus thongs, shrek 2, what we do in the shadows, the history boys, atonement, coraline, the breakfast club, ferris bueller’s day off

NAME A FICTIONAL CHARACTER FROM TV/FILM/MOVIE/GAME/BOOK THAT YOU FIND YOURSELF PROJECTING ON / YOU RELATE TO — cecilia lisbon. rue in euphoria. alison brie in glow. adam parrish in the raven cycle. richard papen. olivia cooke’s character in thoroughbreds. allen ginsberg in kill your darlings. lily in sex education. holliday grainger’s character in the film animals --- i too am an aspiring writer who never writes and just gets drunk instead .

DO YOU FOLLOW ANY SPORTS? WHO DO YOU ROOT FOR? �� no. cba

HOBBIES BESIDES WASTING AWAY HERE? — i go to the movies basically every day bcos i work in a cinema. im also a voracious reader n i occasionally do theatre or costume making

PLUG A TV SHOW / MOVIE / BOOK / VIDEO GAME / ETC… YOU WISH MORE PEOPLE WOULD CHECK OUT — where the wild things are (film by spike jonze). animals. beats. the book fen by daisy johnson and a girl is a half formed thing by eimar mcbride. andy warhol’s biography from a to b and back again

WHOSE BRAIN WOULD YOU LIKE TO PICK, ALIVE OR DEAD? — phoebe waller-bridge on how i get her life. carey mulligan on how she got to be such a good actress n how i can become her. maybs wes anderson. maybs gillian flynn. i tend to listen to podcasts w the ppl i really wanna pick the brains of.

TEAM EDWARD OR JACOB? — edward :/

LAST MOVIE SEEN IN THEATRE — blinded by the light n i lovd it

DO YOU STILL READ? — when i finished uni i kinda got out of the habit but this week i finished two books so ive set myself the challenge of a book a week.

IF SO, WHAT ARE YOU CURRENTLY READING? — i finished song of achilles yesterday n i also finished call me by your name yesterday. started circe by madeline miller today, im also partway through milkman by anna burns and the plays of annie barker

ON A SCALE OF 1-10, HOW MUCH DID YOU HATE FILLING THIS OUT? – 3 i didnt hate it bcos at heart i am self-indulgent and love fashioning some sense of self when i feel lost in a world that is scary and constantly changing

#wshedtask002

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cindylouwho-2 · 5 years ago

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RECENT NEWS, RESOURCES & STUDIES, May 2019

Welcome to my latest summary of recent news, resources & studies including search, analytics, content marketing, social media & ecommerce! This covers articles I came across from May 3 to May 30, although some may be older than that.

I am out of town June 10-16, so I cannot predict when the next edition will come out, but I will do my best to make it before the June trip. I’ve recently narrowed my reading list so that I can get through it more quickly and post these more often. If you have any suggestions or comments, please let me know!

TOP NEWS & ARTICLES

If you had your entire promoted listing budget eaten up by clicks on an item with “shoe” in the searchable keywords, contact Etsy to make sure you will be refunded.

Etsy was accidentally suspending some shops for not using Etsy Payments, but they are in ineligible countries. Some but not all drop ship or use fulfillment in countries with Etsy Payments, but that doesn’t appear to explain all the errors.

Mailchimp launches a new marketing platform that integrates multiple marketing needs, not just emails. Pricing will stay the same for existing customers for the time being.

On the same topic, here is a study of various email services, and their different deliver-ability rates.

Etsy is being sued after a child dies, strangled by an amber necklace bought on Etsy. [video & article] This is getting a fair amount of media attention. Not covered in many stories is the fact that the daycare employees didn’t call 911 at first, and the day home had more infants that day than they were licensed for.

Better media attention: disappointed in the long delay for the introduction of the Harriet Tubman $20 bill in the US, an Etsy seller designed a stamp buyers can use to cover up Jackson’s face with Tubman’s. “Harriet Tubman” is a trending search on Etsy frequently since these articles, so this media coverage is really bringing traffic to the site.

Amazon is now using packing machines in a few of its warehouses that replace 12 workers each. They have other warehouse automation, too, & just started work on their hub at the Cincinnati airport. If you need any more evidence that diversification is the key to successful businesses, remember that they make the biggest chunk of their profit on their cloud services.

ETSY NEWS

This year, Etsy’s Maker Cities program (US only) has joined up with Mastercard for their grants. Applications are due July 3, and there is a webinar on June 3 with more info and instructions. [links in article]

They’s also extended their Design Awards submission deadline to June 4. Check out their FAQ if you have any questions.

Etsy released a summer update to their spring/summer trends guide, with some useful search data. Clothing shoppers are interested in vintage styles, “with Etsy searches for “70s” and “90s” up 26% and 7% year over year.” I summarized the earlier report here.

In case you missed it, Etsy released their first quarter financial report for 2019, & I summarized it in the Etsy forum.

In related news, Etsy ranks 3rd in USA Today's list of the top 20 fastest growing retailers in the world, even ahead of Amazon.

Some businesses are competing based on delivery speed, but Etsy is able to do well with much slower shipping. (That’s a nice feature in an article they didn’t write; not all good promotion is paid.)

I can’t remember if I posted this interview with Etsy chief financial officer Rachel Glaser before, so here it is again. [audio file/podcast and short text excerpt. Please note I have contacted Etsy about the photos & search comment, but they have not yet replied, other than with the usual links to Etsy’s search guide.]

Short piece on Etsy’s approach to diversity. Spoiler alert - they like it, and the article links to other materials demonstrating why this is the best approach for businesses.

SEO: GOOGLE & OTHER SEARCH ENGINES

If you want to get your website or blog material ranking faster, Moz has some tips for you. Note that the first part in particular contains advanced-level technical tips, but most of the rest is easier to grasp for non-techies. It’s worth a skim!

But don’t break Wikipedia rules to get your images on top - North Face got caught doing that, & had to apologize. But “[f]rom Leo Burnett Tailor Made's original statement, it seems the agency was anticipating such a reaction to the North Face effort all along. In stunts like these, the ensuing controversy and attention around it can be part of the overall campaign goal and strategy.”

Once your website starts getting Google traffic, it is not unusual for growth to start to slow or even stop completely, but there are things you can do to avoid that.

Despite many people insisting that longer blog posts are necessary for good Google ranking, there is no ideal length for a blog post.

Here’s a good list of free SEO tools; note that some are paid tools that have a limited free version.

Links on other high-quality websites still matter to Google. (Most of us won’t be able to do the link-building that this test did, but the test demonstrates how much the links are worth. So if you aren’t ranking, realize that other people linking to your page is probably a big factor.) Some of your pages might fit perfectly on a resource page/site, if they answer a question or uniquely fill a need. You can find link opportunities on Twitter through following certain hashtags and engaging with the users.

Google search results now include podcasts. “This feature doesn’t only search for the title or meta data of the podcasts but also can search for the audio – as Google transcribes them — directly within the podcast show itself.”

As of July 1, Google will use the mobile version of all new websites for their index, so make sure that you have a good mobile set up on any new websites (or old ones, for that matter, since most web traffic is mobile these days).

There was a possible Google search update around May 9, then May 22, and now maybe May 29th. Google updates its algorithm a lot, if you hadn’t already noticed. "To give you a sense of the scale of the changes that Google considers, in 2010 we conducted 13,311 precision evaluations to see whether proposed algorithm changes improved the quality of its search results, 8,157 side-by-side experiments where it presented two sets of search results to a panel of human testers and had the evaluators rank which set of results was better, and 2,800 click evaluations to see how a small sample of real-life Google users responded to the change.” (and some people think Etsy tests a lot LOL)

CONTENT MARKETING & SOCIAL MEDIA (includes blogging & emails)

Have popular content on one platform/site? You can repurpose it to use elsewhere, for maximum reach. It’s less work than coming up with brand new ideas all of the time!

Micro-influencers may work best for most businesses, because they can speak directly to your target market.

There are proven ways to get more social media followers; it’s not just luck.

Up-to-date infographic on the ideal sizes for social media images, by platform.

Facebook announced several upcoming plans at their annual developer conference, including a desktop redesign. Facebook has also changed the video algorithm to favour posts that people watch for longer, and to disfavour posts that are just repurposing old video.

Tweetdeck is rolling out more updates, including emojis and the ability to set up polls within the app. I use it, & I like it - I wish they had a phone app!

If you are using LinkedIn, you may be missing some great tricks to get more attention.

ONLINE ADVERTISING (SEARCH ENGINES, SOCIAL MEDIA, & OTHERS)

Here’s how you can get better results out of Microsoft ads (formerly Bing ads)

There was a bug in Google ads stats for April 30 & May 1st; they are working on fixing it.

Google advertising can be very confusing, so here as some tips on mistakes you should avoid. [video with transcript] They also recently announced some upcoming changes.

Etsy shops can only buy their own Google Shopping ads through Etsy’s program, or you can let Etsy buy them for your shop, but if you want to advertise your website, here is a great starter guide.

Chrome is giving you more control over cookies so that you can avoid more targeted ads. Some point out this is not necessarily as user-friendly as it sounds - it means Google can stop other companies from tracking their ad performance while Google has all those records through Chrome & other tools.

Facebook is also giving users more control over tracking for ads, & advertisers are not happy.

STATS, DATA, OTHER TRACKING

You are going to be surprised that Russian search engine Yandex has a really good Webmaster tools package.

ECOMMERCE NEWS, IDEAS, TRENDS

Some people are comparing Walmart’s new online wedding shop to Etsy, "with tons of personalized wedding gifts to buy on a budget.”

The coverage of Amazon’s big announcement about one-day shipping with Prime (in the US) mostly missed the fact that Amazon can already deliver to 72% of the US population in one day.

Amazon employees told some third-party sellers that religious items were banned from the site - but it wasn’t true.

Big Commerce now has a plug-in for Wordpress blogs.

As promised, Zibbet has added Etsy to its integrations, which allows you to list on Zibbet and it will automatically be added to Etsy as well. This is only going to be useful once they add other platforms (since Zibbet has no traffic), so shop around if you are interested in this sort of tool, as other companies are doing the same things. Indiemade websites completely integrate with Etsy, for example, and they have more website tools.

BUSINESS & CONSUMER STUDIES, STATS & REPORTS; SOCIOLOGY & PSYCHOLOGY, CUSTOMER SERVICE

With increased discussion of free shipping on Etsy recently, this is a good time to review some of the more recent studies & surveys on the topic. One US report from January shows that buyer expectations in this area continue to increase. Shipping cost is a big factor in purchase decisions, & shipping costs are a common reason for cart abandonment. There are a variety of ways to calculate how to offer free shipping without losing money. (Thank you to Rebecca for the last link!)

If you want more shares on social media, this study on the top 5 reasons people share things online will be useful. But Americans are now more engaged by mobile games than social media, which has implications for app development and advertising.

Googly eyes make people donate more.

Smaller online businesses tend to make very specific types of customer service mistakes that harm your ability to compete. Although there isn’t always much you can do about the fact that “37% of customers expect a response within an hour“.

Can everyone read and understand your web page? Easy-to-understand English is an important aspect of accessibility.

Help Scout produces some fabulous material on customer service; here is a great article on value propositions, with examples, and another on how to collect customer feedback, including analyzing your stats package to see where customers are having trouble with your site.

MISCELLANEOUS (including humour)

Trend alert: more professional women switching purses for backpacks.

You can now control how long Google retains data on you.

You can also join the class action against major US telecom companies that sold your location data.

Another example of a company getting people to post photos so it can develop facial recognition technology.

Some businesses are offering products & services based on your DNA & other biological markers.

Most people worldwide over the age of 15 have a cell phone, although not all are regular users.

If you are concerned about internet privacy, & hate tracking, the browser Brave may be worth a look. (I haven’t tried it yet, but it comes well-recommended from various tech people I respect.)

Burger King has trolled McDonald's in ads & social media posts for years, & it can be pretty funny. “When McDonald’s abruptly and surprisingly lost its trademark on “Big Mac” in the EU earlier this year, Burger King couldn’t help but rub some salt in the wound. BK’s Swedish operations decided to celebrate for a day by offering a menu of “Not Big Macs” such as “The Like a Big Mac, But Actually Big” and “The Big Mac-ish But Flame-Grilled of Course.”

#seo #search engine optimization #search engine marketing #etsynews #analytics #stats #social media #contentmarketing #ecommerce #smallbiz #cindylouwho2newsupdates

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angrygoatgirl · 7 years ago

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have you heard about that eating disorder diabetics get when they purposefully don't get insulin so they can lose weight? I'm trying so hard not to start it, but it's like an urge inside me. I'm not "fat" but I would say I'm a little chubby. I really want to lose about 15 pounds before college, but every time I start to exercise and eat right I gain weight since my blood sugar is low all the time no matter how many adjustments I make. Do you have any words to offer me?

This is a topic I have often thought of writing about, but never had the courage to post. Anonymous, I’m doing this for you, please listen:I know exactly what you are talking about and exactly how you feel, because I’ve done it, it almost killed me, and even though I nearly died from it, I’m sometimes still tempted. It’s called diabulimia (if you don’t already know) and while not yet officially recognized as an eating disorder, it is finally gaining the attention of the medical community and even the media; the BBC did a brief documentary on it recently, which I haven’t yet seen. Diabulimia falls under the bulimia umbrella because restriction of insulin is used as a form of purging; one doesn’t have to induce vomiting to have bulimia, as some people think – people may have exercise bulimia (overexercising as a form of purging), use laxatives, or other purging behaviors. For us type 1s, insulin restriction is a unique option. The first and most important thing to know is that you are not alone. You are not alone. And that is worth more than you may realize. In a survey conducted by Joslin Diabetes Research Center, one third of type 1 women admitted to having manipulated their insulin in an attempt to lose weight. Yes, you read that right: one third. And that is self-reporting, which means it’s probably lower than the real number. The statistics on the incidence of eating disorders in both men and women with diabetes have not yet been nailed down, but the evidence does show that people with diabetes also are much more likely to have eating disorders than the general population.

To understand one of the possibilities why this is the case, here is a quotation from Ulla Kärkkäinen, a Finnish research nutritionist, defining disordered eating:

“Eating is disordered when a person arbitrarily decides when they are hungry or full, regardless of how they are feeling; weighs themselves constantly; or drinks non-caloric drinks to keep from feeling hungry. Eating can also be considered disordered if a person meticulously plans each meal long into the future, counts calories and weighs foods, follows an excessively strict diet or cuts certain foods from their diet…”That is the treatment for type 1 diabetes. Whether or not we eat is dictated by a number on a meter, not by how we feel. Meals are planned and food is measured and weighed so that we can dose properly. What and when we eat is almost always at the forefront of our minds, literally so we won’t die. Our bodies are constantly being measured to see whether results are satisfactory. Add to that societal misconceptions about diabetes, the tendency of insulin to make some people gain weight, the recently discovered direct effect of insulin on dopamine levels, and the multitudinous other factors that can make weight management harder for diabetics, and you’ve got a perfect storm. So I’ll say it again: you are not alone.The first time I experienced diabulimia I was fourteen. I didn’t have a word for what I was doing, because the word hadn’t been invented yet. I just knew that before I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes, I was losing weight and feeling good about my body, and after I was diagnosed and started taking insulin, I gained weight and felt ugly and fat. It was the mid 90s and heroin chic was in, the pressure to be super thin was already overwhelming for any girl, but added to that was the pressure not to conform to diabetic stereotypes: I didn’t want the ignorant kids who thought I got diabetes from eating too many sweets to be validated. I knew rationally that my chubbiness didn’t make them right, but reason couldn’t change how I felt. I was too afraid to restrict my insulin for more than a few days, though…or maybe I was too strong and had not yet been worn down enough? I don’t know. It wasn’t until my twenties that I really went for it. Like you, I wasn’t fat. I was athletic with maybe 10 or 15 pounds of chub that I would have liked to have shifted. My family life was difficult. I was broke and on my own. I had no insurance and was already rationing insulin to try and make it last. I didn’t know at the time that burnout is common for diabetics, but I was suffering my first burnout. I was completely worn down by life and by diabetes, and I just wanted to be able to control one thing. Just one. So I started manipulating insulin. I took control by refusing to control my diabetes.And, oh how I rationalized it! I would take my long-acting and skip the fast-acting, I was still taking some insulin, that was surely better than none, right? I was riding 300s and 400s, but it wasn’t 500s or 600s, so it couldn’t be that bad, right? I’d had perfect A1Cs ever since my diagnosis – that was over a decade! What could a few weeks of high sugars really do? Other people were out of control of their diabetes all the time, and they were still okay. There were type 2s walking around with high blood sugars for years not even knowing! And when it started to work and the weight just fell off, it was easier and easier to rationalize. “Just five more pounds,” I’d say. “Just ten more pounds and I’ll stop.”Of course, one of the side-effects of high blood sugar is extreme hunger, so my eating habits became harder and harder to control. I craved carbs like never before. A whole pizza, an entire box of cereal, two dozen Oreos couldn’t satiate me: and the more I ate, the thinner I got. I never binge ate before the diabulimia, but my body was starving, and so bingeing became a thing for me…especially since it just made me lose more weight. I hadn’t gained control, I’d lost it. Completely.One morning at 5am, after three months of rationing insulin and rationalizing my diabulimia, after a night of nonstop vomiting…I realized I was dying. I was so sick, I lost seven more pounds THAT DAY. I could barely breathe and my heart felt like it was going to explode, trying to pump the sludge that was my acid blood through my veins. I asked my roommate to drive me to the Emergency Room, but before I left, I stepped on the scale and felt really good about how much weight I’d lost. I’d gone from someone whose chronic illness necessitated disordered eating to someone with a full blown eating disorder. And the eating disorder had taken me over.I spent the next 3 days in the ICU wearing an oxygen mask, catheterized, a massive hematoma on my arm from the excruciating arterial blood draws, searing potassium being delivered via IV to the other arm. Five IVs in all. They told me if I’d waited just a few more hours I’d have died. I’m not telling you this in an attempt to “scare you straight”, though. You know the risks as well as I did. Sometimes knowing the risks and even having lived them isnt’ enough. Eating disorder wouldn’t be a mental illness if it was rational. What you may not know is just how quickly and easily and how TOTALLY it takes you over.So I’m going to tell you the one thing that keeps me from going back to diabulimia when I am really struggling: diabulimia doesn’t really work. The minute you start taking insulin again, the weight comes back with a vengeance. It is a fleeting fix – the high blood sugar might as well be the high of heroin or meth: you feel better in the moment, but when you come down off that high it is hell, and everything that pushed you to try it the first time has just been made worse.I’ve been struggling with eating disorders ever since, though I’ve not resorted to diabulimia again. Sometimes, like I said, I feel so down that the only thing keeping me from it is knowing its effects are temporary. I even checked myself into one of the most renowned eating disorder treatment centers in the country…sadly, there is little known about treating eating disorder in type 1 diabetics, and the traditional treatments for eating disorders are in direct contradiction to the treatment of diabetes. In the end, their attempts to help me only made me worse. With hard work and help from a sympathetic endocrinologist and diabetes educator, though, I’ve been recovering. I’ve even gone a few years at a time with the eating disorder tamed. I still have relapses, though. While I can never know for sure, I think that if I had never tried diabulimia, I would never have developed any full blown eating disorders.You asked if I had any words for you and it saddens me that I have so many, and that so few of them are good. I don’t think it is hopeless, though: I have lost weight in a healthy way with diabetes, and without my eating disorder taking control. It was harder for me than for people without diabetes, but it can be done. I’ve had periods where the eating disorder was barely even there. I learned that weight really wasn’t even the real problem, and learned that there were other things to focus on for my mental and physical health. And even though my treatment experience was mostly negative, I took a few really positive things from it: the realization that my eating disorder didn’t have to define me, the realization that I wasn’t alone, and that it was okay to ask for help. You see, just as the stereotypes about diabetes are mostly wrong, so are the stereotypes about eating disorders. Eating disorder is seen as the ailment of the young, white, middle-class, anorexic chick. But the truth is, there was every kind of woman in that treatment center: women from age 14 to 64, of every ethnicity and religion, rich and poor, rail-thin to morbidly obese. And there were so many women there whom, had I not known they were struggling with eating disorders, I would have thought totally had their shit together, were confident, were admirable. Knowing that such admirable women were facing the same struggle as me made me hate myself less. You are not alone. Your weight doesn’t define you, and it certainly isn’t worth developing an eating disorder and potentially losing your life. If you need more help, ask for it, but remember that you have to balance your mental health with your diabetes, and don’t let anyone tell you one is more important than the other. They are both necessary.And that is it. There is no easy solution to this problem, there is not a moral or neat ending to this story, there isn’t a tidy little bow to tie this shit up with. I just hope that you will read my experience and spare yourself going through it, because it’s not worth it.

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hazohazahazbro · 7 years ago

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Black Coffee Love Pt. IV

Pairing: Reader x Seb

Featuring: Sebastian Stan

Warning: fluff

Prompt: your favourite coffee shop happens to be the place he takes shelter from the rain.

Song for the imagine here: (x)

Previous Parts:

Part I

Part II

Part III

”-okay, I’ve really got to go now. But I will see you in three days Baby. Three days! We will watch all the Netflix you want and drink all the coffee we have. Love you Babydoll.”

The phone beeped as the voicemail ended. You pulled the landline from your ear as you placed it back onto its stand, staring wide eyed at the device. His voice still hummed through your ears as your lips slowly started to twitch into a grin.

“Yes!” You suddenly cheered loudly into your empty apartment. Twirling around in a rush of glee. “Yah, baby! Three fudging days!” The cheering continued as you danced around the kitchen. Your smile never faltered as you were suddenly thrown to the floor as your fuzzy socks slipped on the hard wood.

Landing with a thud, you went quiet for a moment, doing a self-analysis to make sure you weren’t hurt, and then you burst into laughter. You were too excited to see your boyfriend to care if you were hurt, anyway. It had been almost three months since you’d last seen each other. Facetime calls had not been enough for the both of you, as Sebastian begun filming his latest movie. You were overly ecstatic about your boyfriend’s accomplishments that you didn’t care if you saw him for six months on-end.

You had been keeping yourself busy to not think about him too often. You would feel lonely at night sometimes, but then you’d pull out your lap top and start writing or get lost in yet another novel that lined your shelf of books. This would lead you to staying up well past five in the morning, and being extremely tired at work the following day. But you’re mind would be filled with too much need-of-sleep to think about the boyfriend that was thousands of miles away.

You crawled to your feet slowly, looking around the tidy apartment, taking in the silence of everything. Sebastian and you had been dating for nearly two years and he was onto his third major movie roll. He had been cast as The Winter Soldier in the Captain America movies. He didn’t decide to tell you until after you’d begun dating. Since the cinematic world wasn’t really your favorite subject, you hadn’t gotten around to watching any movies, or Marvel movies for that matter. So before the two of you even met at the small cafe, Sebastian had already filmed his first Marvel movie. And had just finished the second recently before he met you.

It shocked you when Sebastian had told you he was a famous actor. You knew that he was talented in the field of acting and being in front of a camera - but he never mentioned that he walked on the red carpet and went to A-List parties.

He told you about his previous roles in small movies and you were awestruck further. At one point, the two of you had spent an entire weekend binge-watching all the movies and TV shows that he played a roll in.

“You really don’t watch any TV? Movies?” Sebastian asked in awe. His crystal blue eyes watching you in amazement and adoration.

“No. More of a book person, remember?” You asked cheekily, sitting across from him at the dinner table that Sebastian had helped you prepare. He smiled down at his lap at the comment.

“Of course I do, Doll. It just still surprises me everyday.” He said, taking a sip from his red wine. Your head tilted in confusion as you watched his dark hair fll back as he moved the wine glass to his lips.

“What does?” You picked up your own glass of wine and stared at it quizzically, awaiting his response.

“How incredibly sharp-minded, smart, and sophisticated you are.” He said, placing the wine glass back down, staring at you with his smoldering blue eyes and stubble, that always seemed to be the same length. You blushed at his comment, trying to hide your smile with taking a drink from your wine glass.

“Thank you,” the words were incoherent as the wine slid down your throat in a warm fuzzy feeling. It was rare you drank wine, but when you boyfriend brings home a large bottle of red, you have to indulge. Sebastian watched you with squinted eyes. You placed the glass down, and stared back at home, slowly licking the wine from your lips.

“How was work today?” You asked, deciding to change the subject since you recognized the look on Sebastian’s face. And your body wasn’t prepared for anything since the previous night.

He smiled at your diversion. “Really good. Finished our last scene, so now I’m all yours until my next role.” Sebastian said, pushing his empty plate to the side so he could lean his elbows on the table.

“How was it? You didn’t punch anyone did you?” You joked, pushing your own plate to the side. Sebastian laughed softly, shaking his head at you. His hair bounced lightly as he did so. It was slightly greasy from his shooting today, and you knew the character he played was tough, and sometimes he would come over to your apartment with dirty hands - as if he was picking up dirt all day.

“Only a few times,” he winked at you. The action sending a vibration through your body. One that you enjoyed feeling.

“Do I get to know more about this movie, yet?” You asked, leaning forward further onto the table - attempting to interrogate your boyfriend. He followed your actions and leaned further on his side. His cologne reached you in the motion of his movement and you fell into a heavenly bliss before his voice drew you back to the present.

“Okay, Doll.” He said. “It’s a great roll, part of a previous movie I was cast in in 2011.” Sebastian started. Your eyes wide as you anticipated what else he had to say.

“I play a friend to the main character, Captain America.” He said, watching your reaction as you absorbed all the information.

“Wait, like the Captain America from the comic books?” You asked suddenly, staring at Sebastian in surprise. His smile brightened his features as he laughed at you.

“Yes, like the comic books. I play Bucky - the Winter Soldier.” You stared at him for a moment before jumping up from the table. He watched you quickly, his face looking dumbfounded at you. An expression you adored on him.

“Are you serious? No way! Sebastian, that’s incredible!” You frantically waved your arms around in glee. “I can’t believe it. Why didn’t you tell me sooner? That’s so great! I’m so happy for you!” You continued to ramble without realizing it until laughing Sebastian came to stand in front of you, grabbing your flailing arms.

“Okay, okay.” He laughed, his arms holding your own to your sides. “Calm down, (F/N).” His breath fanned your face, the rushing heat filled your body with an ache. You stared up at him, never being used to his height.

“Seriously, I’m so proud of you.” Your voice was taught dry. His close proximity was making your head fuzzy. The two of you had only been dating for two months and every time he got close - it still made you light headed.

“Thanks, Babydoll.” He smiled, pulling you in for a hug. Your heart was going a million miles a second and you could barely breathe as he held you. You could feel his own heart beat against your cheek as your own arms encircled his torso.

The three days went by painfully slow as you distracted yourself with rearranging your book shelves and buying new throw pillows - something you did when you were antsy or bored. It was a bad habit, since you spent more money than you had. The house was spotless clean, and you’d prepared dinner, it was keeping warm on the stove, and you decided to read a book while you awaited Sebastian’s arrival.

It was hard for you, but patience was one thing you had, aside from being antsy and fidgety, you didn’t complain and you could wait for hours before you’d go insane.

Suddenly, the door to your apartment clicked and you heard shuffling of boots. You placed your book down and turned around on the couch to face hall that led to the door. Your hands twitched as you heard the grunt of someone taking their shoes and coat off. Your bottom lip drew between your teeth as you waited. It took only a few seconds before your broad-shouldered boyfriend came into view. Your heart began to hammer in your chest and your breath was sucked from you.

his dark hair was long, and it fell in front of his face. He had stubble, which you knew from the selfies he would send to you while filming. He walked further into the room, until his eyes landed on you, frozen on the couch.

“(F/N),” he breathed out in relief. Suddenly, you were mobile again and you jumped over the back of the couch, almost falling to your face in the process but sticking the landing. Sebastian acted quickly and soon you were smothered against his chest. His shirt smelling of him, and he smelt like home to you. Something you missed more than you could imagine. Both of your breathing was uneven as you held onto one another.

“Hey, beautiful.” Sebastian mumbled into your hair. Your grip tightened around him for a moment before the both of you pulled away. You looked up to see him smiling down at you, his hair falling into his face.

“You smell good.” Was all you could manage to say as your mind swarmed with multiple thoughts. He laughed at you, the feeling vibrating through your body.

Sebastian didn’t say anything more as he moved his hands from your waist to your face, holding you to look up at him. His lips were on yours in seconds, the feeling always felt like the first time, and it sent fireworks throughout your body, nearly knocking you off your feet. You’d missed the feeling of his soft lips on yours.

“It’s good to have you back.” You mumbled against his lips. You could feel his smile against your lips as you puled away to look at his soft, yet tough features.

“Being back is even better.” Sebastian said, kissing your forehead before pulled you with him into the kitchen. “And, it smells delicious in here.” He added, letting you go so he could wander over to the stove.

“Oh right, I made dinner.” You had almost forgotten that you cooked previously. The stove was keeping it warm, and good thing, since it probably would’ve been freezing by the time you remembered.

“Ah, I’ve missed your cooking.” He lent over the stove to observe what you had made - his favorite. You snorted from beside him as you watched his broad shoulders turn back towards you.

“Filming is great and everything, but coming home to you is even better.” He said, making you look at him in adoration. You wanted to melt at the moment, with everything going on. Him, being home, the words he was saying to you, and his touch, the way he looked, all of it.

“Sebastian,” you started, feeling yourself getting emotional.

“Hey, Babydoll, don’t cry okay? No crying tonight.” He assured, pulling you in for another hug, which you gladly took. Trying to stop yourself from crying. It was something about being around him that made you so emotional.

“I’m sorry. I can do this. No crying.” You responded, making him laugh. He kissed the top of your head before turning back to the stove, making sure to keep an arm around your waist.

“I was thinking we could go for coffee tomorrow?” Sebastian asked, peering at you over his shoulder. “At the cafe?” You knew exactly which cafe he was talking about and you immediately nodded your head.

The cafe was practically a tradition for the two of you. It was where you both met, and where you both discovered the deep feelings you had for each other.

“I would love that.” You said, kissing his stubbled cheek, leaning your body against his.

“Me too.” Sebastian added, the warmth from his body enveloping you in a comforting way you’d hopefully feel for as long as you live.

okay so i decided to make a part IV. it was really random i know but i was sick all day and watched Marvel movies all day long and just like

why the hell not, right?

so, here it is - the final part. (hopefully, unless i decide to randomly write a fifth)

Prompt List I: (x)

Prompt List II: (x)

MASTERLIST: (x)

Tag List:

@mytrueself @making-chocolate-pudding @cattrout @snowball-entity @skeletoresinthebasement @moonlightimagination @bleulady01 @winchestererica @tomsbeb

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onlylovekpop · 8 years ago

Text

I’m Back!

Hello, everyone. Sorry I’ve been MIA for a little while. The past few weeks have been a little hectic for me. I’m closing drabble requests now and have received lots of good ideas. Thank you to all of those who submitted! Also, two of the requests have turned into oneshots (this is a rare thing, but sometimes I get carried away and it happens lol.) The oneshots will be a pirate!au with some smut for Jimin and a dance camp smut with Yugyeom. I’m also finishing up my first Jungkook smut oneshot that I started working on ages ago and involves Netflix and chill. Hehe. Hope you’re all doing well and please look forward to the upcoming drabbles and oneshots! :)

(replies below the cut beware im drinking vodka while i answer to make my responses more interesting hehe (actually im getting as drunk as i can to deal with my vengeful uterus which is very unhappy i have not conceived any spawn this month and is giving me cramps from hell) you may notice my spelling grammar and punctuation get worse as you read please dont hold it against me)

anonymous asked: Hi Leigh we haven't heard of you since you mentioned having knee surgery the next day and I had this really bad feeling I hope you are ok? For some reason I am genuinely concerned and I don't know why so I hope everything went well??

Yes, all is well! I healed in pretty good time and am already out and about again. It’s a surgery I’ve had before so I knew what to expect and nothing out of the ordinary happened. Thank you for checking on me. Sorry if I made you worry :)

omg-mystarx-neoctech asked: Hell YES JOOHEON.

I SAY THIS ON A DAILY BASIS!

anonymous asked: Can I just say I fucking love the layout and look of your blog. Also I just read one of your smuts and holy shit im deceased.

Thank you! I’ve been revamping some of the pages but I only have a few of them done, so a few things may be blank at the moment. I changed it so fics are listed by member instead of type I hope that’s better but if anyone has opinions on the layout please let me know :)

anonymous asked: OKAY BUT THAT JOOHEON SMUT WAS FUCKING DELICIOUSLY SINFUL. I'M HAVING HEART PROBLEMS.

Jooheon himself is deliciously sinful tbh. I have heart palpitations every time I see a pic of him wearing tight pants. Or just pants in general. i aint never seen such pretty thighs before

neon-flamingos asked: I read Rhythm and omg i criedddddd it was so good i just can imagine Jooheon saying all those dirty thingssss my vayjayjay cries

look i recently saw that vid of him speaking english and his accent is so good which means i can totally hear him in my head saying all them naughty english things this is not good what have i done my lady parts also cry HELP

anonymous asked: Everyone is talking about the Jooheon smut and I'm here still crying because of how hard Chained up hit me

oh god that was not my best work but im glad you enjoyed it the thing never got edited i hope its not a hot mess haha sorry markiepooh but it still got the job done i think hehehe

anonymous asked: A part of me regrets reading Underworld AF....but it was such a good read too... that last chapter HURT but it was a good hurt

oh no dont regret reading it! that makes me sad! its a long ass fic i dont want you to get to the end of it and think holy shit i wasted so much time reading that horror flick i tried to bring it full circle in the end im glad you thought it was a good read i panicked for a second haha

honeyheonie asked: HOLY FUCK!!!! I have sinned. 'Rythm' was 👌👌👌👌👌

me too darling ;) thank ya

anonymous asked: Do you have a quote or prompt list we could use? :)

i do not. i leave it up to you guys that way you have lots to choose from

topaz-and-turquoise asked: For some reason, I only just got to binge-read the last 3 chapters of Underworld. Leigh. LEIGH. YOU ARE THE QUEEN OF BTS-GOT7 CROSSOVERS. YOU ARE THE QUEEN OF CROSSOVERS. THE QUEEN OF ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE AU'S. OF ALL AU'S. YOU ARE THE BEST AT WRITING TENSION AND HEART-WRENCHING SCENES AND THE COMPLEXITY OF PEOPLE AND JUST HOLY FRICK YOU'RE AMAZING. THANK YOU FOR THIS. I KNOW YOU ALREADY KNOW BUT THIS IS MY FAVOURITE KPOP FANFIC OF ALL TIME. I'M SAD IT'S OVER BUT I'M SO SATISFIED. YOU ARE THE BEST.

she calls ME QUEEN! thank you thank you I SQUEAL A LOT AT THIS im actually sad its over too. but im content with it. I HOPE IT IS FOREVER YOUR FAVE you stuck with me through the whole thing thank you i love you

statetheobvious04 asked: I've long been a follower for your underworld series and Jesus christ it's one of the best series of read ever. The storyline was so gripping and full of love and loss that by the time I finished the last chapter my chest was heavy and I nearly cried. Idk how you did it but I feel like I've personally lived through minas insane and perilous journey and felt every single emotion as if it were my own. It's een a while since I've read the earlier chapters but I feel like if I do il start 1/2 2/2 sobbing. You are such an amazing and talented writer that this story deserves to be developed into a book or movie but eve then those may not do it justice. But honestly, thank you so much for sharing and writing. And I’m so happy mina finally got the life she deserves and that everyone else managed to find peace in Iceland 💜💜💜💜

THIS MAKES ME HAPPPY YOU DONT UNDERSTAND HOW CAN I DESCRIBE MY JOY AT THIS MESSAGE you make me cry thank you for loving mina and thank you for supporting the story and thank you for telling me how it felt to read it i love you <3

anonymous asked: hi leigh! I have a question. I hope it doesn't come across the wrong way, I'm just curious! May I ask why you're not taking exo requests?

you’re good honey :) honestly im just not in an exo mood at the moment. i still write for them i still even have a baekhyun oneshot in my drafts idk im just not feeling like writing for them for drabbles at the moment if that makes sense

anonymous asked: Do you still open the drabble request?

they are closed now.

anonymous asked: I'm a Yoongi at heart but your story Underworld made my heart 'boom boom'. Seriously this is the best mafia /zombie apocalypse AU I have ever read and I read a lot of fan fiction. Keep up the good work. PS: Some drabbles based on Underworld wouldn't hurt. PSS: If you don't understand the heart boom boom reference , go see the latest Buzzfeed interview of BTS.

i can’t help but only hear got7′s boom boom boom though haha im down for underworld drabbles i think i mentioned before that any gang!au drabbles i do will be in the underworld universe before the zombie outbreak so far i only have the one for bambam i would link it but im too tipsy for something that level right now sorry :D

anonymous asked: I fucking love your angst writings, they get me emotional aha

thank you i love angst i like toying with emotions ehehe

anonymous asked: Underworld is amazing!!! One of the best stories I've read, even though it has me crying from Paris all the way to the end.😭😭😭😭 You done good. 😁

we dont talk about paris haha jk that one hurt too much thank you darling that its one of the best you’ve read means the world to me :)

anonymous asked: How can you write like thattttt!!!! I adore you. I'll always be your follower 💖

AND IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOUUUUUUUUUUUUU and i’ll always be here! i promise <3

anonymous asked: Who is that in your header gif?

It’s Suga :)

thewriterpixie asked: *squeals* I just finished reading the Suga father/daughter date drabble! It made my day!

Thank you! I love that one so much :)

anonymous asked: Okay I was reading Wake Up and Play with Me and for some reason it reminded me of their song Paradise?¿¿ Now whenever I hear it I'm gonna associate it with this smut xD

Ooh i like the sound of that! i really love Paradise but I think Sign is my favorite on the album but how do you get your question marks upside down i thought the room was spinning for a second i kid you not lol

anonymous asked: Your Jooheon smut got me looking at Jooheony at a different way now 😏 thank you for writing such a quality one shot! You're one of the best of the best!

YAS come to the jooheon side we have thick thighs and adorable dimples you will not regret this ;)

taecmekai asked: hope you are ok and recovering well from your knee surgery :)

i’m okay! gained a few pounds from being stuck on the couch for a few days but idgaf hehe ;) i’ll get back to yoga when i feel like it

coppertopging asked: I just finished Underworld. holy crap the emotional coaster you took me on! I read the last 7 chaps today & i couldn't stop crying. I didn't when Jae died, but his 'funeral' got me with the reactions from everyone. & then Hobi?! That was the most painful. I had to stop & pull myself together. Yoongi made me laugh a little with his delivery. My favorite part of the ending was the Jk/Yugy part. The only thing I felt was missing was more detail into Namjoon & Jin. But this story was amazing!!!

yeah hoseok was the hardest for me too. i wanted to keep anything namjin related kinda vague and open to the reader’s interpretation that’s why there wasn’t much material there but im very glad you enjoyed the story thank you :)

anonymous asked: holy fucking shit. it's 4am and i just finished reading Underworld and i'm crying so hard there's so many emotions i'm feeling. thank you so much for that masterpiece. it's the first work of yours i've read and omfg you're talented as fuck. i'm actually a bit speechless still tbh it's only fully processing to me ...hobi... he's not even my bias but i'm crying so hard i need help wow SO MUCH LOVE FOR U AND UR WRITING THO

omg i cant believe you stayed up that late to read it i wish i could do that but in my old age i dont bounce back that well anymore (i just turned 27 and am very upset about it) anyway THANK YOU this makes me very happy

danphilandstuff asked: OH MY FUCKING GOD RHYTHM WAS SO FUCKING GOOD THANK YOU SO MUCH ITS ACTUALLY HOW I IMAGINED HIM TO BE IT FELT SO REAL IT WAS ACTUALLY THE BEST FANFIC IVE EVER READ IM CURRENTLY READING YOUR MASTER LIST. you're actually such an amazing writer thank you so much (Could I request more Jooheon fics? ((If you want and have time)) )

i will never stop writing jooheon fics. you have nothing to worry about there haha. WHAT DO YOU MEAN ITS THE BEST FANFIC YOUVE READ IT WAS SUCH A RAUNCHY SEX FEST I SHOULD BE ASHAMED lol just kidding no but in all seriousness THANK YOU I LOVE YOU IM GLAD YOU LOVED IT I HOPE YOU KEEP COMING BACK FOR MORE MUHAHA

anonymous asked: (1/3) Hey lovely! I came across your blog today after reading your monsta x all in one shot and i just wanted to say thank you for writing something so incredible! it had me gripped from start to finish and it was honestly one of the most (2/3) well-written pieces ive ever read, I would love to be able to write at your standard one day. I cant express how grateful i am, it put me through so many emotions and i actually had tears in my eyes at one point! So yeah, apologies for this (3/3) being so long but i just wanted to express my gratitude and say that you are an amazing writer :) x

oh my goodness this was ridiculously lovely. i am very proud of All In and how it turned out. i hope to finish the sequel soon. i keep getting writers block on it and i dont know why but anyway. thank you for sending me this and im thrilled that i could write something you enjoy very much. you are too kind thank you <3

#replies

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twoscoopsofrecovery · 8 years ago

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re·cov·er·y  a return to a normal state of health, mind, or strength.  I wouldn't say I'm in recovery, but I also wouldn't say I'm fully in my ed or addiction at this point. I feel like I'm re entering recovery. But this time fully and honest, and I think that is why it is taking a little longer to surrender. When I do surrender I am doing It fully and completely. Two months back in treatment. Three months since I last wrote, so as assigned I'm writing again. An assignment I actually don't mind, I get to do what I love. A lot has happened. I've found myself kicked out of my parents house, yet again, jobless, broke, living with friends. Seems to be the norm. My mood has been extremely unstable and my behaviors are out of control. Well, sort of. I stopped purging. Since December 20th, when I finally came back to rosewood, I've only purged once. Which, is crazy because before I came in I was purging everything I ate. So major improvement there. Readmitting myself was this whole process. Due to health reasons it took longer then expected. My doctor found I had pancreatitis, which freaked me out to no end and back and motivated me to start eating a little bit before I even got back into treatment. Which, was insanely hard. My first two to three weeks back, I couldn't finish a single meal. It was humiliating to some extent, I felt completely incapable. With restricting, I haven't really been. There's this grey area in my brain where if I don't have the means to eat and if I don't have money, I don't have to eat. Which, was a bit of a problem maybe a week or two ago but I've seemed to improve with that one. So I guess my behaviors aren't out of control; I haven't purged, meal plan compliant, I don't binge, I don't use laxatives/diuretics/diet pills, I don't over exercise. Where does the problem stand then? Easy: my drinking. I'm in a constant debate with myself lately. Do I have an alcohol problem? A year ago I would've instinctively answered yes, I am an alcoholic. Today, well, I am not sure how to answer that question. I've drank a couple times now since being back. I'm supposed to be sober, everyone is supposed to be sober while in a program like this. My rational is: if I don't have a problem, I shouldn't have a problem staying sober for the duration of my stay at rosewood. But I find myself trying to sneak around the rules to drink. Is it a problem? I'm not too sure. When I drink I don't do so excessively, just enough to get decently drunk. Which, if you know me, you'd know its pretty easy for me because I basically have zero tolerance. So, again, I ask, where is the problem? The problem that I am encountering is not the actual alcohol it's self, or any drugs, or anything tangible for that matter. I do not think I am physically addicted to any substance currently as it stands. What I am addicted to, is escaping. And that's where the problem lays. I can't handle my reality, I want to get plastered, and forget about the shit show I call my life. I'm still terribly depressed and it keeps coming and going in waves and I can't really take it anymore. My life is currently rotating between, I want to kill myself and I'm writing a suicide note, to, my life is amazing and I love everyone so much and I'm so grateful for what I do have and people are inherently good. Which, is exhausting. A wave of sadness hit me the other day. Partially due to concerns, partially because of no reason. The other night I spent most of the evening with my boyfriend. I almost went into a flash back and started disassociating but was able to pull myself out of it before it had happened. He was extremely supportive and understanding, which was extremely comforting while I was in a more vulnerable place. When I got back to my friends place that I'm staying at, I was texting him, and something had come up. I've found myself scared to think about what things would be like with out him. Which, is insane because I haven't thought that about someone since my ex who I dated for almost two years. I don't find myself pushing him away, if anything I'm scared because I know I'm becoming attached, and commitment is scary, but I want it so badly. So, relationship wise, I'm extremely happy with where it's going. I'm very grateful I met someone who gets me and is there for me. It's going on the right direction, I'm in love, I'm happy, communication is there, things are good. So abnormal for me, but hey I'll take it. It's good and exciting. But, i miss my mom. My sisters, my brother. I know I have family, they're there, just not there right now. I have other family, family of choice vs. family of origin. I have people around me that help me out and are there for me. But I still miss them. So much. Before I readmitted me and my mom had probably the best mother daughter relationship I could of ever asked for. We had very real conversations about life; the good the bad, the nitty gritty details of addictions and my eating disorder. My mom confided in me and I the same. I miss my mother terribly. I miss my sisters and their beautiful sun-filled smiles. Sophia and her innocence. Audrey, who finally felt comfortable enough telling me her deep 5th grade coming of age secrets. Leo, who was just beginning to trust in me once more. I miss them. I miss them so much it hurts and I try not to think of it. So I won't talk about it anymore. I guess over all everything has improved and become more complicated. Still Canadian though, that's a major stress for me. But, I think I have figured out a way around it. I can get an F-1 visa, which is a student visa. Of course I'd have to take out loans to be able to go to school, and probably be in debt for the rest of my life, and after I'm done with school my visa is up and I cannot switch visas to something more permanent. So, it would just be delaying the process of going back to Canada. Which, at this point, I don't mind too much. Who knows where I'll be in four years. Four years ago I definitely didn't think I'd be back in treatment for a second time. Nor did I think I'd be alive at 20. At 16 I thought by time I was 18 I'd be dead. And "If I make it to twenty I'll have dentures" which didn't exactly happen. So yeah, maybe things have improved. I don't have much to complain about right now. Well, I have tons to complain about, I'm just choosing not to, because I'm not so sure how that'd serve me at this point. Wallowing in my own self pity doesn't help much anymore. I realize I need to get up, and move forward. I need to take action. It is my life and I do want it to be better then it has been. Ive recently reconnected with an old friend. I'm extremely grateful for her, as she has been there through the most depressive points in my life, and still has stuck by. She is family, and I love her dearly. Talking to her more recently I've realized how much I have changed, although I feel as though I haven't. We used to be a little group, me, her, my ex who is her step brother, her best friend, and her boyfriend who is now her husband. We used to do everything together. Before I had initially started treatment I lived with her because, well, my parents kicked me out. She had taken me in and for about two months we were this happy little family, until my suicide attempt. Which I regret so terribly and hate myself for putting them all through. When I was 18 I had an episode where I slit my wrists and hoped to die. Instead, my ex came into the bathroom where I was attempting to do so, and then a few minutes later, the rest of everyone. They rushed me to the ER and I was admitted to the psych hospital about twelve hours later, where I had never felt so alone. I spent five days in the hospital and then went to reasons inpatient for my ed because like my friend had said "be honest about your eating disorder". They had stayed with me while I was in the ER and the entire time she had been saying to be honest. And honestly if I didn't listen to her I probably never would have gone to treatment. So ash, if you're reading this, thank you. Thank you so much for everything you've ever done for me. I love you and you're a huge part of why I ever decided to change and learn to live. My parents always told me growing up that friends never last and family is forever. I'm upset, I'm hurt, I'm angry. Where the fuck are my parents now? If family is forever where are they? All I have is friends at this point. Which, again, I am so insanely grateful for. I don't know what I would be doing with out any of you. The people I choose to surround myself around are the people who actually stick around. Who knew, if you surround yourself by good people, good things happen. In my relapse this last time around, someone had asked me why I was killing myself over making my parents happy. At that time I wasn't exactly too sure what they meant and why they would say something like that. I was upset and hurt by it. But looking back just three months I completely understand that statement. Unfortunately, if I want to recover and live my life, I have to be separated from my parents. I love them so much. I love them to the moon and back. I have so much respect for them and would never do anything to hurt them. I think they are amazing people, but right now as it stands I have to love them from afar. And I'm coming to a place of acceptance with this. I think this is manageable at the point. As far as my visa goes, I've decided to get my F1. A student visa. I'll take out a loan and pay for school. I'll probably be in debt for the rest of my life but at this point, I do not care. All I'm doing is going to school for cosmetology and honestly, that's not that much money. So I need to finish high school. Which is on my list of things to do. This week I'm going to figure out how/where to go to get my transcripts. Or if I'm just going to take my GED. Also this week I'm going to meet up with a friend on Sunday and see if I can get a job anywhere. I'm excited honestly things feel like they're moving forward finally. And that's because of me. Because I finally decided to stop crying and wallowing in my self pity and actually get up and do something. The good news is, everyone else's voice is out of my head. I'm a lot more clear on what to do and how to do it.

#ed recovery #ed treatment #adulting

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