#its ok im calm im fine
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"It's lonely without Bernard..."
#bravely default 2#anihal#hey now that im over most of my im too depressed to play video games what if i go back to a game#that destroys my emotions with every side character its totally fine and normal and not risky at all#hey what if i commit a crime because i love anihal so much and want her to be happy and the second she shows a smile#she follows it up with such a sad line of ITS LONELY WITHOUT BERNARD#what if you just give me a side quest later to help her beloved pets calm down and then GUT ME WITH THE KNIFE#That bernard used to help protect her its fine good lord im so not normal about these side characters#the only bd2 fanart ive even done is for side characters its just a thing i gotta do ok#sure the four you play as are fine and i like them enough but these side quests and side characters destroy me#i might try to play more ! bc i think i was in ch3 about to hit deeper character lore soon but idk man#im a chronic job leveler and side quest truther i gotta do this stuff first hold on plot#also i drew it on the wrong sized canvas for tumblr dot com and had to extend the canvas#to post and not blur it weirdly
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HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OH MY GOD HI IM SO NORMAL IM SO NORMAL IM SO FUCKING NORMAL
#lord huron#OUUUAAAGH#oh my god ok oh my god it's HAPPENING EVERYBODY STAY CALM#sorry i'm not going to shut up about this for like a month i'm so sorry in advance holy shit holy shit#oh it's SO GOOD ITS SO GOOD ITS SO GOOD#SHAKING HDHDHDHXBD IM SHAKING IM GOING TO PASS OUT#it's cool i'm fine we're good#HOOOUUUAAAAAGHHHHHHH#I NEED TO RUN AROUND IN CIRCLES#Youtube
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Update, i didn't write shit!!! As it turns out i still have one whole day to do it tho sooo i dunno
I do however have these guys i guess. i dont think i posted them yet
#guh#slugs once again because theyre easy and im stupid<3#im#going to throw up at the idea of showing my work to people irl#this is great#the cant do things disorder is infact making me not do things#🎉#uhm#anyways im gonna be not really that ok but its fine#have the sillies that i use to calm down#i love them#so much#unbelievable how much they change my brain#infinity train#ryan akagi#min gi park#rymin#AAAAAAAA#yippee
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i love deadpool and i love reading deadpool comics but i aint gonna lie to you its awkward reading them sometimes when i get mild anxiety from being watched and his whole like. BIT is occasionally talking to the reader. upset sometimes even
#deadpool#wade wilson#snap chats#i dont do well with Surprise Eye Contact from media either. irl im perfectly fine but vaeeljaekl#im sorry wade your suffering is not my joy i swear :(((( ok maybe sometimes BUT PLEAASE IM SORRYYY#I ONLY WANT GOOD THINGS FOR YOUUUU :((#'calm down son its just a drawing' ok the drawing's mad at me for perceiving him what do i do now.#i will be perceiving him at LEAST eight anthologies over simultaneously crying and apologizing. maybe having a giggle or two
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dude theres something abt firefly wedding. marry ur hired killer so u dont die and the love interest is a crazy yandere but also theyre trying to make it work???? before sakoto confesses that shes been playing along and cannot marry shinpei he was like lets talk because youve been off lately is it because of me i dont want to do something that makes you sad because im bad at reading peoples and my own feelings. like even before this its like sakoto going excessive violence is bad! and the whole would shinpei treat anybody that accepts him the same way he says hes in love with sakoto. that perhaps his love for her is not different from loving a child or an animal. what is love anyway (baby dont hurt me- )
#the way its shinpei who wants to talk and communicate when all he knows is like killing??? ok👍 im fine and normal#the way its like the marriage is less abt actual marriage and more abt i want you to relyand care about me i want you to love me#which is what sakoto wants too#from the staft chap 1 its like oh sakoto wants to be married to somebody she loves and loves her in return#like like. Im normal.#twitter wasnt kidding they invented love in 2023#yeah shinpeis a crazy yandere and its unhealthy or whatever but they’re trying!!!!#and its taking me out#my favourite part abt firedlt weddinf is fr just them talking#i think they have such good chemistry#that shinpei is very intense and sakoto balances him out#but she also has the capacity to be intense too#like it seems that when shinpei is doing crazy yandere things or being rlly intense sakoto is the calm one? or much less intense#and when like chap 12 when sakoto is crying and shes feeling intense feelings shinpei is the calm one#i say calm as in “calm” yk because he fr was just trying to look as indifferent as possible the harder she started crying#idk. idk. firefly wedding fr is somethinf.#firefly wedding#claude txt
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(not quite logging back in just venting dont mind me <3 ill reply to everyone later mwah)
#i guess the worst thing about allllllll the times my mother tells me im crazy is that i know she's right lol#like the instant overwhelming need to sh whenever she says it or in fact every time we fight should be enough to confirm it 🤡#like i legit wont calm down until i physically hurt myself preferably also drawing blood. this is not Sane Person Behaviour#anyway whatsapp just spent a few minutes crying curled up on the floor in the kitchen pulling my own hair trying to ✨Not SH✨#because its stupid idiot motherfucking summer and everyone will See#and ended up doing it regardless lol#and its so funny cause like literally the moment i do it im perfectly fine and mentally and emotionally stable again 🥰😇#anyway i love my mom she's great but she did ruin my entire life and me as a person too#and basically all my adult problems can be easily traced back to my psychological nightmare of a childhood#except i cant blame her for that either because she didnt have it easy and she raised me on her own (and unmedicated too)#while my dad didnt really even get many occasions to ruin me on a fundamental level (like he sure did use those few chances he had but yknow#not nearly as many as my mom got)#so i cant just blame my mom and let feminism lose like that#anyway. she should never have had children and i there's nothing i regret more than her husband dying instead of me#ok logging back off byeeeeeeeeee
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#ok so update#i had the eye surgery#dude said it went well but we wont really know for a bit#im prob gonna get more info tomorrow when i see him for a follow up#i kept telling myself my phobia prob just made the anticipation worse and the actual thing would be okay#but it was so horrible#triggered my eye phobia and my claustrophobia#i mean it was fine but the things i could feel and see him do to my eye#even without pain and with some iv calming shit#oh i hated it#and it started with them giving me so many drops and one of them the nurse was like ‘oh you might feel pressure like a headache from this’#yall i thought i was gonna throw up from the pain and i was like tf ????? cos i deal with chronic pain i have threshold#and when thr surgeon finally came to see me i mentionned that i was dealing with a lot of pain from this#and he goes yeahhhh thats normal. young people react p#pretty badly to that one. a lot of them pass out.#……….#anyways didnt pass out didnt throw up go mel#me*#but yeah at least its done#im gonna have nightmares about this#about moi
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its only 1.43am why r the birds tweeting. do thwy want me to kill myself
#its ok bcs im fine now. im fine . im calm . im going to sleep soon#blue.txt#today was a day of killing myself mentally 100 times in 100 different ways
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oh I was going through it yesterday…
#lemon man talks#I still am but oversharing Sal lore on that one post’s tags calmed me down#I think only Len saw the post so. Hey Len nothing happened yayy I’m ok that was all a Sal angst filler episode#I’m fine!! Haha#Im too lazy and tired to delete that but yeah#Its just. Things im gonna be fine
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ITS BEEN A FUCKING WEEK. PASS THE DETRITUS
#howling#had a lvl 1 trauma at abt 720#which sucks but we were managing fine#call er back at 750 as protocol to ask if theyve transfused and if theyll need more and to make sure they have a t&s ordered#secretary confirms that both units were transfused + they wont be needing more (lol) + a type and screen WAS drawn just not ordered yet#ok cool. all i have to do is wait for the specimen so i can crossmatch the units#im chilling in bloodbank doing bloodbank things#meanwhile. er calls the front desk (blood bank has a separate phone line. they specifically called the lab line instead)#lab assistant takes the call (like normal). theyre not sure what er said exactly but theyre planning to transfer the patient somewhere#and mentioned 'something like mpp???'#midnight tech was upfront and overheard. immediately asked if they meant MTP#lab assistant wasnt sure but said she had asked if er wanted to talk to blood bank (aka me) and they said no#both the assistant and the tech assumed that they DIDNT actually mean mtp because that would be fucking bonkers#if they casually mention it to a lab assistant and NOT FUCKING BLOOD BANK#and i didnt hear about this phone call until like maybe an hour or two later btw#anyways. yeah no they called an MTP#thats always fucking awful but they DID bring down the t&s partway thru#patient had no history and the only other specimens on file were drawn at the same time#so i order a confirmatory type to make things easier later on. it needs to be drawn by either the nursing team or by a lab assistant#screen is negative so at least we only need to do an immediate spin crossmatch on everything#we get all the units emergency issued + the platelets are ordered and issued normally after the t&s is done since it doesnt need a xmatch#er cancels the mtp. theyve transfused 6 out of the 8 units we sent them. two remaining units being sent to or#or is told directly that the mtp was canceled and that theyd need to call a new one if things escalate again#ok. things are calming down. its fine. i got all the xmatches done and theyre all compatible which is great#we get in a delivery from arc of platelets bringing us back up to 6 on the shelf (we need 5 on hand tomorrow morning for an open heart)#(at this point i find out about the phone call i mentioned earlier)#i get a call from or. my heart sinks immediately#or nurse says they need 2 rbcs and 2 platelets and theyre sending someone down RIGHT NOW to pick it up#we still hadnt gotten that confirmatory btw#im too stunned to say anything else so i just go ok. and hang up
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MCD Gene is overprotective and snaps at people for Myst Gene and Myst Gene softens him up. He doesn’t need to be on guard all the time, especially when it’s just the two of them.
mys gene is like "someone called me a slur today lmao" and mcd gene is instantly "i need their name, their home address, their-"
#❄.txt#ask box#'jeez calm down its fine im ok *kisses him*' '...... ok *implodes'#you would think that after this has happened a million other times i wouldve expected this by now. yet i am still shocked and surprised at#the fact that im genuinely shipping it#sorry guys but LISTEN ok theyre everything. to me#mcd gene knows mys gene can take care of himself. that doesnt stop him from giving people the coldest stare known to man when they try to#bother his boyfriend
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guy is going outside..... will he survive??
#friends =w=bb#i was already very brave yesterday bc i talked in the group chat!! but its still so scaryy#were going into a big cityy#which is literally all fine and good =w=b no problems there i like walkingg i think.#rn whats scary is meeting up bc im taking the train and theyre all driving togetherr..... so idk where im supposed to meet uppp#waughh#ive also got work right after thiss so. thats fun =w=bb#its finee im strongg 6=w=9#sillyposting#ok a cool person sat opposite to me this is awesomeee#were good =w=bb#im like. sooo calm rn.#ok time to stop thinkingg#=w=
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how am i still blogging from here. miracle of miracles
#top 10 things that scare me number 1 user gerardwaist reblogged my post. scary!#its ok. its fine im calm
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...
#listen. sometimes. when i get emails pertaining to a specific project i worked on that nearly broke my brain. i just stop what im doing#and start playing Losing My Religion by REM. and i wish the person emailing me could see me face down at a table listening to thay song#mostly its fine. its just when someones trying to manage the data files so i kno im gonna have to go back thru and update my code#for a bunch of tiny stuff and its like: does this sound ok? and i just dont care so much that i want to start screaming#and then at the end of the day i hike up a fucking mountain going over what im gonna tell a therapist when my insurance switches#and im gonna say it in a way thats v calm and agreeable but i want to scream and tear my hair out. or maybe i wont b agreeable. i wasnt#last time i was in a therapist office but that guy deserved it and i wasn't being that bad#ugh. im just mad bc working on my stuff makes me so miserable that when i stop its like wow im no longer in agony. cool#coool. fun times. becoming increasingly apprehensive abt how im gonna try to b more healthy abt working while taking on triple#the responsibility with a phd project and being a student and being a TA. i mean. ill try but its gonna b fucking interesting#ugh. had to bust out the burnout playlist. which like. when u try to look at other ppls burnout playlists they all suck#theyre all like former gifted kid burnout Playlists and im like fuckkk offfff. why do u not have the incredibly specific vibes that im#looking for? i just demand the perfect burnout playlist and somehow nobody puts No Surprises on there#like what??? y not? its a song abt being so totally saturated that youve had enough. a heart thats full up like a landfill. a job that#slowly kills u. bruises that wont heal. how is it not THE burnout song? but whatever. i listen to too much radi0head.#ugh. but now my burnout playlist is becoming too much like my My Brain Doesnt Feel Too Good playlist#listen. i just need to curate playlist so that they can express the feelings for me#unrelated
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wait
what if i chose aang or sokka or zuko or bumi as a name
#i can do whatever i want forever after all#anyways i think im gonna tell mom to call someone else to watch the atla show with us#itll be more fun#and her sister is staying over so we could watch together! :D#and i dont have to lose the experience of watching it with dad#after he watches it and i watch it w mom we can rewatch it together :)#im glad i found a solution#sometimes i just need a fluffy blanket and a little bit of time to calm down#OK NOW DAD IS PUTTING IT ON HIGH VOLUME AND ITS NOT HELPING#ITS ONLY MAKING ME MORE AWARE THAT I'M NOT WATCHING 1ST TIME WITH HIM#AND ITS GIVING ME SPOILERS#ok convinced him to lower it#ok. ok#were doing fine#and i found cool names
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the thing with autism right. is i know if i was having a full mental health crisis what i would end up doing is going to the emergency room and being like "hello, my name is (x) birthday (y), um i was hoping to talk to you about potential mental health inpatient care? i'm currently having a mental health crisis and don't think i can be trusted on my own" like if there's one thing i can be sure will live on in me no matter how hard the brainworms try. is my fucking customer service voice
#like itll be busted as fuck because ill be freaking out but you bet ill be sobbing my way through verbally drafting an email#ive done it before‚ like im a frustrated crier and once i start crying i cant turn it off so ive had a couple times where i had a breakdown#at work‚ cried about it a lot‚ and my lead pulled me into a meeting room after i calmed down to check in#and as soon as i started talking it just started again so i had to be like 'sorry th-this is just something m-m-my bod-dy does‚ i-i'm calm#m-mentally but i just c-cant turn this-is off‚ just try to i-ignore HIC it and f-f-focus-s on the w-wwwords‚#(tired of crytyping so just mentally fill it in yourself in everything else i say)#n they offered me more time to chill but im like no really i genuinely am calm‚ i calm down wayyy before my body does its gonna#keep doing this on and off all day‚ it takes hours for it to fully calm down and is on a hair trigger the entire time#so thinking about this will make it kick back up again no matter what unless we talk tomorrow‚ so if youre ok with bearing with me then cool#and theyre like. dang ok and just focused on what i said#or much more recently i was talking to my roommate‚ stopped‚ held up a finger + stood there silently for ten seconds‚#then was like 'sorry about that‚ i think i have to throw up. excuse me for a moment. what was that? oh gotcha yeah i'll message you if i#need anything‚ thank you'#and just typing it out like that it sounds like i was fine and just saw it coming a ways away. however that is not the case#i had had my covid booster and some other vaccine earlier that day‚ lost 5 vials of blood‚ eaten Nothing‚ drank only#acidic-ass apple juice‚ and had just hit my vape too hard#keeping it in once it made its presence known was a feat of will the likes of which have never been seen before#and still my sentences prevail
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