#its not the BEST thing ive ever written but i am happy with it and THATS WHAT MATTERS

[donutcats]

chapter 5 of my xo kitty fic! give it up for chapter 5!

[mochamadeleines]

Sweethearts and Sweet Dreams <3

“Nothin’?”

“Mhm.”

“Whats behind your back then?”

You sway in place, trying to suppress a knowing smile. “I dont have anything behind my back.” (6.4k words)

tags!! - 18+ modern au! Husband! Joel Miller, Wife! Reader, you guys are happy and in love!, mutual obsession if u squint, lots of exposition im so freaking sorry, pervert Joel if u squint, praise kink joel if you squint, dumbification if you squint, written for those with daddy issues lowkeeyyyyy, written with game joel in mind but could be hbo joel no problem!, lowk i combined the two in my mind, mentions of shy old man joel, housewife! reader (by choice), unspecified age gap but reader is like. thirty? and joels Like...55??, talk about joel taking medication for his anxiety, p in v sex, dirty talk, public sex, outdoor sex, joel has a kink for dresses because i said so? service top joel if you squint, pet names, a pinch of jealousy and possessiveness for fun, playful banter, mentions of maria and tommy and their baby with a made up name Lol, mentions of ellie and sarah (rip), mentions of readers past abusive relationships, talk about joel struggling with substance abuse/addiction and being hospitalized.....Im sure u can theorize why </3, lots of lore ill get into in another fic MAYBE *smirks*, flip flop in perspective, sometimes showing what joel is thinking or what reader is thinking blah blah

authors notes!! - hi there!!! im mocha and this is my first joel fic ever + my first fic posted to tumblr!! im really nervous cuz i havent written anything in months and ive never written joel before so please let me know if you like it!! id love to write more of this au for u guys if theres a demand for it...Thank u for reading!! also barely proof read im ngl. ive been staring at this fic all day im sick of itttt. p.s i dont usually write smut i also kinda do idfk Is this bad or am i tweaking

You step out of the house, morning sun soaking into the roots of your hair and the driveway beneath your feet. Theres a package youve been waiting for. 

You cant contain your grin as you wiggle it out of the hot prison that is your mailbox.

“What the hell are you doin’ out there barefoot?” Joel chastises you from the front door, leaning his elbow on the frame. Joel, your lovely husband of two years. Been together for five. And because of how hard he works, you have the privilege of being a stay at home wife. Some people think that sort of life is stifling, but youve never felt so free. No more jobs you hate, no more financial struggles. Just you, Joel, and your cat, Cement. He likes to pretend it isnt a totally hilarious name for a pet.

You were his first relationship in almost a decade, so it was a lot of work helping him unpack his anxieties about dating, and a lot of work for you to feel safe and unafraid. Honestly? Youve been mistreated by enough men to land you in the psychward.

But Joel never yells at you, he never breaks things when hes angry or threatens to hurt you. He might raise his voice every now and again, but its never because of something you did. Sometimes the stress of life is just too much. 

He works hard, he loves his daughter- daughters- and he would do anything to keep you happy. Whatever you say goes, he says. Even now, you hardly argue. Of course you have disagreements, or off days thatd lead to one of you being especially moody, but the both of you do your best to communicate.

Behind that rough exterior, is someone who just wants to be needed. 

You first met Joel at a youth center you volunteered at, he taught guitar, you taught arts and crafts. Joel says it was your smile and sense of humor that charmed him. It was his singing and southern accent for you.

Your favorite thing about Joel is how soft he gets around you. He says its because you make it easy to be soft. 

Joel was a shy lover at first. He would get nervous just kissing you, or holding your hand. While most people become intimate very early on in their relationship, you and Joel didnt do anything sexual for the first five months of you dated. Sure, you almost did, plenty of times, but he would get so overwhelmed and cut things short. You broke two of your vibrators during this era of your relationship. Embarassing.

You remember your first time very vividly. Joel had worked back to back doubles trying to meet a deadline, and on the final day, after having barely spoken to you for almost a week, you had shown up to his house, unannounced. You were wringing water out of your jacket when he swung the door open. 

“How-” Joel blinks a few times, stepping forward to examine the rainfall. “How long you been out here?”

“Not that long,” You lie and pick up the container you brought off the porch chair. Part of you had a hard time mustering up the courage to even knock on the door. Droplets of water cascade down your chin. “Hi, sorry. I know youre tired.”

He shakes his head, voice soft and warm. “S’fine. Now c’mon, youre gonna get sick.”

Youre seated at the little dining table next to the kitchen now, trying to let the sound of the rainfall ease your nerves.

Joel was quick to grab you a towel, and does the honors of drying your face and hair with it. “Why didnt you jus’ call me? Woulda gotten out of the shower faster if i knew you were gettin’ soaked out there like this.”

“I dunno, sorry.”

“An’ whatd i tell you about apologizin’ all the time?”

“Sor- Uh. Right. Okay.” You tighten your jaw. No more.

Joel moves behind you, now squeezing water out the ends of your hair. “Whas’ that?”

“Oh!-” You peel back the lid, showing it to him. “Old fashion cake donuts are your favorite right? I remember you saying you liked eating them with your coffee in the mornings so…I made these. Youve been working a lot lately and I wanted to do something nice for you.”

Joel gingerly grasps the container from your hands, looking into it. Theyre a warm golden brown, outside evenly fried, and the sweet scent of them hits his nose right away.

“I was just gonna leave them on the doorstep and call you to tell you they were there, but I wanted to see you.”

His adam's apple bobs as he swallows the dryness in his throat. Youre too good for him. 

“Thank you very much.” He presses a kiss to your damp hair. “Now, lets get you into some dry clothes.”

Joel gives you a t-shirt and a pair of his boxers to keep you modest while your clothes wash and dry. 

You wait patiently on his bed for the hot chocolate he promised you before you showered. Theres nothing to watch on the tv, so you just turn it off and reach for the lamp on his nightstand instead. 

He comes in quietly, and sets the mug down beside the lamp. You finally come into focus, clear as day even under the low lighting.

“You uh.. You look nice.”

You blink. “I look nice?”

“In my shirt.”

That gets a smile out of you. 

Joel tips his head towards the mug. “S’hot so, give it a few minutes. Dont want you burnin’ your mouth.”

You nod. “Okay.”

Hes sat beside you now and the two of you sit in silence for a while. Its not awkward, just the kind of silence where both of you want to say something but just.. Cant.

Joel unravels first. “Missed you, y’know. Just been tired.”

“I know.” Your voice wobbles, and Joels jaw tightens like hearing you sound so sad stings him. “I missed you, too.” 

He slides his hand over yours, giving it a squeeze. Its okay. 

“Hey Joel...Can I stay the night?” 

“Sure. Id really like that.”

While you drink your hot chocolate, you and Joel catch up. You both talk about work, and about your new found interest in baking. Joel teases you about your lack of cooking skills, you do the same. Youre both useless. 

When its time to climb into bed, neither of you can actually fall asleep. Joel rolls onto his side, away from you and the window. You follow, curling up like a little cat against his back. The sensation is nice for the both of you.

You speak up after a little while.

“Joel?”

“Mm.”

“Thank you for letting me stay.”

He scoffs, voice thick with exhaustion. “Like I'd force you to leave after you brought me such a nice present.”

You let out a little giggle, “So if i didnt, youd kick me out?”

“Id think ‘bout it.”

You gasp, gently shoving at his back. “Thats mean…!”

“S’really not.”

“Oh yeah? And what if I poisoned them?.”

“Then itd jus' be a regular day of your cookin’ then.” Joel reminds you, lighthearted. Too many times where you left the shells in your eggs or burnt toast or left the bacon on the pan for too long.

“You cant get mad at me for my dark past when you made a perfectly good sirloin taste like horse leather.”

“Ugh. Dont remind me. That was like putting a one-hundred dollar bill into a paper shredder. How do either of us stay alive again?”

“Uh. Digiorno?”

“Digiorno.”

After a few moments, Joels rolling over again, and hes guiding your head to settle against his chest. Your arms wrap around him, and his arms around you. 

“Joel,” You whisper. He hums. “Im cold.”

“S’cause youre not wearin’ any pants.”

“And whos fault is that?”

“Still yours.”

“I was left out in the rain like a sad, sopping wet cat. One that was left in a box all alone with no family…” You pretend to sniffle. “Dont you feel bad for me?”

Joel sighs, not saying anything more except making sure the part of the comforter behind your back is tucked into your side so the cold air doesnt get in. When hes done, you do a little shimmy up his body, and throw your leg over his hip. Oh no.

Hes alert now. Very alert. Be normal. Joel hesitates, licking the dryness off his lips. “Uh. Feel better?”

“Mhm.” You push your face into his throat, cat-like, before settling down again. Hes like a radiator.

Actually scratch that, he cant be normal. 

“Darlin’.” He rasps, patting your back to get your attention.

“Mm?”

“Your leg. Move it.”

A few beats pass. “Why?”

“Because…” Wow,  he didnt think hed get this far. You shift forward and Joel lets out a quiet exhale through his nose, one that couldve been masked by the rain if you werent so close.

“Are you-”

“No! No. Its- Its not what you think-” He cant see your face in the darkness but he knows you feel the semi-hard struggling through the confines of his pants. Lame.

“Joel,” You say, soft. Your hands slide up his arm to cradle his jaw. Lightning flashes into the room, giving you a glimpse of Joels tight expression. He whispers your name back, just as soft.

“This is normal.” 

Its normal, it is! Except for the fact that you guys havent had sex yet. The stress of being intimate is too much, kills his boner in a blink. The longer he waits the worse the anxiety gets.

“I-I know.”

You place a hand on his chest, feeling it pound away like crazy through all the soft muscle.  

“Youve been taking your medication, right?”

Has he?

The silence of him thinking is proof enough. “Joel-”

He sighs, rubbing his eyes through the darkness .“I know, I know. Shoot, Im sorry. I just forget sometimes.”

“Its okay.” The pad of your thumb strokes the tops of his cheek, and you press a tender kiss to his mouth to soothe him.  “...Want me to remind you?”

The softness of your lips has him a bit dazed. “Huh?”

“I said, do you want me to remind you? I can- You know, call you before you leave work. Make sure you take them.”

“You know I wake up at five-o-clock in the mornin’ , right?”

“I know.” 

In a whisper, “Okay.”

Joels rough palms trail down your back and stop at the curve of your butt, finger tips delicately tracing the skin above your shorts. You shiver.

Barely above a whisper. “We dont have to go all the way.”

He says your name again, laced with worry. He doesnt want you to feel pressured. 

You pull your leg off his hip and push yourself up, settling your hands on either side of Joels head.

“Can I tell you something?”

“Yes-”

“-And you cant get all in your head about it. You stay here, with me. You stay present.”

“Okay, okay.” He nods, a bit defeated. “I will stay present.”

“When you...When you say you dont wanna have sex, what is it that youre thinking exactly? I know you said you just get really nervous but I feel like youre not being totally honest.”

Joel stays quiet, idly rubbing your sides. Maybe you are a cat. Just getting to feel any part of you is soothing. “I jus’ want you to feel good. ‘Fraid ill do somethin’ you dont like.”

“You cant assume how I feel, Joel. Being intimate.. It takes time to learn what the other person likes.”

He sighs. “I know.” Youre always right.

Adding on, “Like I said, we dont have to go all the way,” You lean further back, situating yourself on his hips. He lets out a shaky breath when he feels the pressure of your ass through his sweats.

“But, I want to start somewhere. I want to feel you.” 

“Fuck- Um-” Hes shaking now, letting you grind your hips down onto him. Joel cant seem to control the way his hips instinctively push up to meet yours. Youre both becoming of a mess of little gasps and hot breaths and tiny whimpers already.

You hunch forward, guiding his hand under your your shirt- His shirt- letting him feel up the supple skin of your stomach, then the area where your ribs are, then your-

“And I want you to feel me,”

Surprisingly, you did actually go all the way that night.

Your sex life was a bit of a rocky start, but after Joel got over most of his anxiety, you learned quickly just how goddamn insatiable he was. Five years in and he still regularly makes you sore. 

There are a couple things you learned about him and his sexual interests. He loves to take you in his truck, in your kitchen, in your bathroom, on your couch. Other, riskier places. Anywhere that isnt your bed apparently, not that he isnt fucking you there either.

Joel is handsy, so handsy infact it embarasses you to no end, especially when youre infront of others. Thats usually how it starts, too. First he kisses you, then gropes your hips and your ass, and the next thing you know, youre cumming on his fingers. Then hed bend you over, or get you on your back, or make you ride him. Is it really riding if hes just slamming up into you until your brain turns into mush?

He likes that too. Making you not think.

Youd be lying if you said its only ever him. Sleepy morning handjobs before work, whining to him over the phone and touching yourself to his voice, arching your back into him while you're washing dishes, sucking him off after hours in his office.

And while most men prefer lingerie or little costumes, Joel likes dresses. Dresses that are discreet so he can take you in the backyard when he comes home early and sees you gardening. Or when youre both at a friends house and hes had a little too much to drink and finds himself alone with you. Dresses that make it easy to play his favorite game with you. I touch you, and you make sure we dont get caught by being too loud. Joel really is the worst sometimes.

Now, you only ever wear pants when its cold, or to bed or sometimes when youre lounging, like today. Youre in some shorts and a tank top. Otherwise, its dresses all year round, usually retro styles or ones meant for spring. Joels not picky though, he loves any dress on you.

Even if you wear an extremely modest, white lacey sleep dress, looking like some kind of vintage ghost, the man would still keep you up all night. And he has. He said you looked like a princess. You guess you kind of did.

The entire thing is like an unspoken arrangement between you both. He doesnt tell you to wear them, you just do.

And he works hard to spoil you, so why not buy as many cute dresses as possible? 

You got a cute dress today too, on the same day Joel has off. You think its going to be a new favorite of his.

The big polymailer stays hidden behind your back. Be casual. “Uh- Nothing!”

“Nothin’?”

“Mhm.”

“Whats behind your back then?”

You sway in place, trying to suppress a knowing smile. “I dont have anything behind my back.”

“Lemme see then. Show me your hands-”

“Hey, Mrs. Miller!”

Both you and Joel turn your heads to the voice, and only one of you has the energy to fake a a smile. Your neighbor is stopping in his driveway, having come back from a jog it looks.

“Hi, Lee.” 

Joel really, really, really doesnt like Lee. You dont like him either, but youre not one to cause problems. Lee on the other hand, is. Hes a bit younger than you, and a lot younger than Joel. Hes one of those tech dudes with a massive ego, thinks that youll be swayed by his money and his “charm” and youth as if youre some sad housewife in need of saving. Gross. 

And another thing, Lee doesnt even actually live here! Hes here ever so often to visit his dad between, you dont know, tech expos? You forget. Joel believes he started showing up more often to see you. 

Youre walking towards the porch again. Joels looking especially unhappy to see him today, knuckles pulled taut into a fist. His lips stay pressed into a thin line, careful not to let anything slip out. He usually lets you do most of the talking, as much as it pains him. 

Joels really not a fan of the way Lees eyes take a trip up your bare legs. Little shit.

“Out with no shoes again, Mrs. Miller?”

“You know me, Im uh- Im weird.”

“The weird ones do it best.” He smiles, all teeth. It gives you the creeps. His attention is on Joel now. Its like watching a puppy try to one up a wolf. “Right, Joel?”

“Uh huh.” Whatever that means.

“Actually, I've been meaning to ask you something, Mrs. Miller.” Lee crosses into your driveway and you glance briefly at Joel, as if to make sure he isnt going to start growling at the other to stay away. Youre clutching the package to your chest now. 

“Have you ever been to a support group for uh- you know, the spouses of addicts?  I have a friend from work and shes really struggling.” 

Lees tone is sugary sweet, but the fake kind you put in diet soda except that stuff is way better. Joel sighs from the door. You stand there, dumbfounded on the porch steps because what the fuck is he going on about. 

You clear your throat, keeping your voice firm. “No. Ive never needed to.”  

Joels voice cuts in like a knife. “Been clean for almost twenty years now.”

“Yeah but, you know,” He shrugs, squinting a bit under the morning sun. “Relapses happen.”

Joel and Lee are at a stand still, and the moment Joel lets the arm leaning on the frame drop to his side, you know youre in for a lot of trouble. You move quickly towards the door. “We have to get ready for a- uh- a thing? but Im sorry about your friend.”

“Thank you, Mrs. Miller. Im doing my best to support her.” And before he turns away, he just has to be slimy to you. “If you need someone to talk to, Im here for you.”

“No, that really wont be necess-”

Joels slinging a strong arm around you to yank you back inside before shutting the door. 

“Motherfucker,” He hisses to himself, stomping through the walkway and into the kitchen.

“How-” You rub your eyes, letting them adjust to the light inside of the house. You put the package down onto the bar counter that opens up the kitchen and follow Joel to the fridge. “How does he know?? I thought-”

“Been living in this house for decades now,” His expression is tight, brows knitted together while he chugs a bottle of water. “People talk. ‘Specially if I'm being rolled into an ambulance on more than one occasion.” Joel frowns. “Fuck- I shoulda punched him in the fuckin’ face- Do you see how hard he tries so hard to flirt with you infront’a me?”

“I know, love. I was there.” You take the bottle from his hand and set it to the side, then wrap your arms around him. “Try not to let it get to you okay?”

Joel sighs into your hair, giving your body a squeeze. “I know, I know, but jus’ hearin’ him tryin’ta use my baggage to make a pass at you…S’fuckin’ evil.”

“I agree, but I dont want his blood on the driveway.”

“So get it on his driveway instead, got it.”

You giggle and tip your head up to kiss him. The tension eases from Joels shoulders, and he cups your cheeks, letting his worries melt away into your mouth. When the pads of his fingers start to slide under your tank top, youre leaning back. Youll be here for a while if this goes any further.

Joel mindlessly chases your lips, looking a bit pouty now that its over.

“Im gonna start getting ready for the barbecue, okay?”

“This early?”

“I like being punctual.” 

“My brother wont give a damn if were late.” He noses your jaw, pressing a kiss here and there. Your knees are beginning to feel weak. The bastard is trying to distract you.

“But I do. The farmers market opened today, and I promised Maria I'd get her fresh strawberries before we got there, remember?”

“Alright, alright.” He grumbles into your shoulder.

Joel lets you go, watching you round the bar counter to get your package and disappear upstairs.

-

Ever since you came down to a freshly showered Joel, and got into the car with the gift bags you prepared for Maria and Tommy, Hes been staring at you. One wrong move and the drools gonna start pouring out of his mouth.

Your hair is in its relatively natural state, freshly washed and shiny from the oil you put in it. You put on some light makeup, and went a bit heavy handed on the blush to look sunkissed, and topped it off with a flavored lip gloss Joel especially enjoys. 

Now, the dress. Its a pink floral mid-length dress, with a low cut sweetheart neckline and a corset style backing to cinch your waist and push out your chest. The material is thick and pretty, and there are two other layers under the skirt to keep its shape. You have on a pair of little pink pumps with little bows to match. 

The drive to the farmers market is fairly peaceful, the windows are half down and theres music playing at low volume on the radio. You and Joel have different tastes in music, but one genre you can always agree on is alternative rock. 

The weathers beautiful, sun high in the sky, and its not too hot or humid. The day really is perfect. Youre gonna soak up some sun when youre at the barbecue. Hopefully, they made lemonade again too.

Joel has been mostly quiet throughout your shopping. While it would worry some, youve been with him long enough to know that he just has a lot on his mind. What hes thinking about? Maybe youll learn when you make it back home at the end of the day.

You gasp, strolling through the grass to a stand with a mountain of apples. Granny smith, Macintosh, Pink Ladys, Honeycrisp, the works. He grunts, trying to keep the things that are already in your basket steady. You came for strawberries and are going to leave with much more than that.

Joel nudges you softly. “Remember, this is quality stuff, meaning itll go bad faster. Dont get too much.”

“Okay, got it.” You beam, and then begin inspecting the Pink Lady apples first, trying to find the ones with the best color.  He keeps the basket within reach so you can drop your picks in.

"These were Sarahs favorites."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah, it was funny 'cause we started arguin' over these or Red Delicious. I think Red Delicious is better."

"Thats so cute! Hmm. Should we get one for her? A Pink Lady?"

"Uh," He thinks on it for a moment, unsure, but the smile on your face helps him make a decision. "Sure, why not."

You drop two perfect Pink Ladys into the basket, moving onto the next pile.

“Hey, Joel.” You grin, holding out a wrinkled granny smith apple. “This one looks like you”

“Ha ha.” He deadpans, and grabs it from you to put back. In turn, hes reaching for the runt of the pile. A pathetically small one sitting near the bottom. “Now this one looks like you.”

“Does not!”

“Does too.” 

The next stand has golden kiwis, and youre practically dragging Joel forward to try them. You ask for one, and the man at the stand slices it into halves, giving you a plastic spoon to go with. 

You let Joel smell it first. “S’good.”

“Lets see if it tastes good.”

You sink your spoon into it, humming when you see how soft and easy it is to scoop out. In your mouth it goes!

Its tastes sweet, a bit mango-y and fucking delicious. You bounce in place, spoon feeding Joel next. “Oh yeah,” He smiles, smacking his lips a bit to really let the taste settle on his tongue. “Were takin’ some of these.”

You take one, then two, then three and four then five and as you reach for the sixth one, Joels stopping you with a gentle hand. 

“Darlin’.” 

“Right.” 

For the next few stands its just you and Joel trying various kinds of fruit. Starfruit, blueberries, some mangos, and then youre going back to the truck.

“I think my favorites were the mangos and golden kiwis. I hope Maria and Tommy have enough space in their fridge for all of this.”

“They moved into a bigger house, I reckon their fridge s’probably bigger, too.”

“What time is it?” 

You let go of Joels arm so he can switch the basket from one hand to the other. 

“‘Bout…” Hes squinting at his watch. “12:34 in the afternoon.”

“Oh! Guess we got the shopping done sooner than I expected. Hmm. Should we stop somewhere in the mean time?-" You snap your finger when you remember something. "They opened up this cafe that has cats in it! We can drink coffee and play with them for bit! The next fourty-five minutes will go by super fast."

“Youre gonna make Cement jealous.”

You bat your hand dismissively. “Hes not gonna caaare.” 

“Oh yes he will. And remind me again why we named our cat Cement?

“Uh, we were both drunk and had gotten him the day before without a name picked out?”

“A whole year later and we still kept it. Worst pet owners ever.” Joel chuckles, opening the passenger door for you like he always does. 

“Thank you.”

“Mhm.”

The giant basket of fruit goes into the back seat next to the gift bags before Joel slots himself into the drivers seat. 

You fumble with the radio a bit, trying to see what else is on but ultimately landing back on your preferred station. Theyve been playing a lot of Linkin Park recently. Hell yeah. Joel buckles himself in at last, and pulls out of the parking lot. 

“Marias gonna teach me how to make baked chicken,” You hum, gazing outside the window.

“You sure youre not jus’ unteachable?”

“Ha ha,” You lightly shove his shoulder, making him smile. “I thought you loved the meat sauce pasta I learned how to make.”

He settles into his seat more comfortably at the stop light, elbow rested on the window. “Got me with that one. Think I like ground turkey over beef, though.”

“Yeah? Me too. The beef tastes better but the turkey is lighter. Stops me from feeling all sick.”

“Agreed.”

Youre looking out the windshield now. Where did all the buildings go? Youre out of the city. 

“Uh, Joel?”

“Mm?”

“Where are we going?”

“Somewhere to kill time.”

“Yeah but where?”

“Youll see.” 

Your brows pinch together. “I see a whole lot of nothing except for trees."

“Almost there.”

Joel makes a hasty left turn onto some campgrounds. Your stomach starts to twist into excited knots. Is he gonna show you a baby deer or something? Bunnies? He used to be a park ranger for this area, and would tell you stories about all sorts of baby animals hed run into.

The car comes to a stop, and he turns the engine off. Silence.

“So…Were out in the woods to kill time?”

“Mhm.” Joel unbuckles his seat belt and twists into the back to grab the spare jacket he usually keeps there, then gets out of the truck and comes around the back to open the door for you. 

He holds your hand to help you get down from the passenger side, and as soon as both of your shoes hit the ground Joel is on you. 

You dont know where your hands should go, youve kissed Joel a thousand times and yet you still get so flustered when he catches you by surprise. You keep your hands on his shoulders for now, letting him press wet kisses to your neck and shoulder.

“This is new right? The dress?” He gives your ass an appreciative squeeze through the fabric. “Thought you looked so pretty when you came down stairs in it.” 

Your heads spinning. Something about your dress? 

“Woulda been okay if you let me have you earlier.” He pulls away, examining your flushed face cradled by his hand. Every part of you just fits so well in his palms. “Then I thought, why not have you now? We got time to spare.”

“Joel- We- Someone could see us-” You sputter, and Joels already shaking his head with a knowing smirk. He pulls you around to the bed of the truck, popping it open, only pausing to spread open the jacket he grabbed, just having just thrown it in there when he came around to get you.

“No ones gonna come lookin’ for us.” He turns you around, pushing you down onto your front. “As long as youre quiet.” 

Fuck. You really hate this game. At least, you like to tell yourself that.

Blood rushes to your ears while Joels rough palms lift up the skirt of your dress, exposing your ass and thighs to the cool air. He whistles from behind you. 

“Red lace panties?” His fingers dont shy away from tracing along the fabric covering your cunt. “This new too?”

You crane your neck over your shoulder to look at his face. “Uh.. Surprise?”

Joels smiling now, fingers dipping under the lace. “Thas' awfully sweet of you.”

His touch slips and slides around your growing wetness, then trails down to your clit. Your voice wobbles a bit and fuck- fuck hes going too fast. “Joel- Ah-” You whimper and try to push yourself up to look at him but his hand is steady on your spine, keeping you down. 

Smug, “Go on, sweetheart. Keep sayin’ my name. Jus’ like that.”

A whine escapes you when he pulls away, “Nooo.” You push your ass back, as if to entice him. You succeed, because hes skipped his usual routine of fucking you with his hands and is now unbuckling his belt.

Joel rolls you onto your back, and peels your underwear all the way off, bunching it up and shoving it into his back pocket. Your face burns just watching him.

“Think i'll hold onto these for a lil’ while.”

His hands push the back of your knees towards your chest, exposing your heat. Youll never get used to the way he just seems so interested just watching your cunt squeeze around nothing. 

“Thats-” You swallow, pushing yourself up onto your elbows. "Joel.”

“Relax." He coos, "Seen it a thousand times already, and ill be seein' it a thousand more. Get used to it, honey.”

Your attention flickers down to where his dick is about to meet your entrance. Joels nudging you down onto your back again and pulling the top of your dress down to expose your chest. Its when youre distracted that he actually moves to push himself in.

Both of you groan together, and Joel could never get bored of fucking you, not when your cunt just pulses around him everytime hes inside you.

Joel wastes no time fucking you once he eases all the way inside. Youre trying your best to keep quiet. Shit is no easy task. Its like Joel is trying to get you guys arrested.

He props himself up with a hand near your head, and lets the other keep one of your legs pinned open. The moans start to claw out of your throat. “Joel- Joel-” 

“Shh. Thas’ enough.” He growls through his teeth, fucking you harder. “Youre gonna- Gh- Get us caught-”

Something rustles between the trees, making you both freeze. You clasp your hands over your mouth, watching Joel straighten up to look around.

After a few seconds of squinting, Joel can see a few foxes moving about through the trees. Thank fuck. His shoulders visibly relax.

Hushed, “E-Everything okay?”

“Yeah, jus’ some animals.” 

And like that, hes back to it. His dick is going to make your eyes permanently stay rolled into your head. 

Joel is always just so handsome when hes pounding into you. His forehead gets shiny with sweat, and his jaw is tight from clenching his teeth, keeping himself quiet so he can focus on your moans. His face is noticeably redder against his usual farmers tan too. Really, hes just so attractive.

A flurry of yes and harder and fuck spills out of your mouth and into your palms. Not too loud, you try to remind yourself.

“Joel- S’too much-”

“Nah, thas’ not it.” He huffs, humorous. “You can take it. Y'always do. In fact, you love gettin’ your cunt bullied by me, aint that right?” As if to get his point across, he thrust in all the way to the hilt, making you keen. You forgot how to breathe, lungs drawing tight in your chest.

"Fuck," You manage to squeeze out.

Your palms push weakly at his shoulders, trying to ground yourself somehow. His head drops to the junction of your neck and shoulder, inhaling deeply.

“You good?” He checks in, breath hot on your skin. As if your crying isnt enough.

“So g-good, Joel- Fuck- Youre so good.” 

With a little nod, Joels pushing himself up, switching to slow and deep strokes, really digging himself into you, and trying to find that spot he likes to call home.

He massages your chest, then squeezes your sides and your hips and finally, his thumb finds your clit. Immediately, you jolt. 

“Oh fuck-” 

“Quiet.” And he says it to keep the charade going, even though his favorite thing is hearing your sobs.

His thumb rubbing incessantly against your that sweet little nub of yours. You choke, and Joels chuckling, watching the way you squirm, body not knowing whether it should lean into his touch because its too good or away because its too much.

It starts with this firey feeling under the pad of his thumb, then deep inside your stuffed cunt. Youre going to cum. 

Your hands fly to your mouth again, and you get all wide eyed from the sensation. Its cute. Your muscles pull taut, legs locking around Joels hips. Youre wailing into your palm when it happens.

“Good girl,” His voice soothes you through it. “Very good.”

He pets away the fly aways sticking to your sweaty face when its over. Your eyes drop shut while you catch your breath. 

Joels moving again now. He rolls his hips a few times, and thumb is building the foundation of another orgasm in you. Youre shaking badly.

Your words slur too, “Cant- Too soon- Joel- Joel-”

“Another one.” Joel says firmly, but breathless. 

Youre gasping, not sure where to focus your eyes. The trees around you look like theyre spinning. Your attention is back on Joel, whos looking rather satisfied watching you squirm and cry. If thats how wants to play, then fine.

Your hands slide up Joels biceps, and rests on the nap of his neck to bring him down. “Juh-Joel,” You pant, cradling his face with both hands. “Youre so good- The best-”

Oh, Joel likes that one, you can tell by the way he looks away briefly. Shyness. Excitement runs up your spine. Joel loves being told hes doing well. 

“You are- Nghh-” You swallow the drool in your mouth, trying to get the words out clearly. “The best husband I could ever ask for.”

Joel wheezes, head dropping into the curve of your shoulder. “Please.”

“S’true,” You nod rapidly, fingers curling into his hair. “Youre so good to me and-and youre mine and- Joel-  Im yours.”

“Jesus-” He groans, soaking up the feeling of you pressing kisses to his face and up his jaw. 

“Hhah-  No one else can have me, okay? No one- Not even-”

The name doesnt even come out of your mouth before Joels coming to a stop to slip his arms all the way around your middle. With the new leverage he has on your body, hes drilling his way into you. You fucking squeal, rules now long forgotten. Youre a useless ragdoll in his arms and he wouldnt have it any other way.

Your lips are shiny with spit and left over lip gloss, and he can still taste the mintiness in his tongue. Every now and again your eyes drop shut, but his dick just punches into your guts a little harder. Look at me. 

Your brain is mush, just the way he likes it, and youre perfectly pliant in his arms, babbling over how good you feel. Hes kisses along the valley of your breasts now, stopping to suck the flesh of your nipples.

Youre just so pretty. Even when you have bedhead, or youre snotty from a cold, or youre all dirty from working in the garden  youre still so pretty. Including now, all sweaty with you lipgloss all smudged and your mascara starting to run. Youre perfect. 

Joel grunts loud, jaw clenched tight as he gets lost in the feeling of your insides. His perfect little wife.

When he cums, hes doubling over with a loud grunt, getting a few last thrusts in before his spent floods your cunt.

Youre blinking away your tears, now watching the clouds inch along the sky. It really is a beautiful day. You pet Joels sweaty hair, and kiss the side of his temple. Your core throbs faintly. Jesus, he did a number on you.

“Love,” You say softly, patting his back.

“Mm?”

“Get up.” Another pat. “Youre squishing me.” 

Joel backs off to buckle himself up, but you stay seated to catch your breath and adjust your dress. At least it didnt get ripped during all the… Commotion. Not like last time.

“I need my underwear back.”

“Nope,”

“Joel.”

He kisses the center of your forehead and helps you down from the bed and into the passenger seat instead.  “Told you i'm keepin’ ‘em.”

You sputter, “I cant go to barbecue commando!”

“Sure you can.” He pops open the glove compartment and gets out some tissues, hand snaking under your dress again to clean you. You sigh softly at the sensation.

“Youre the worst.”

“I am indeed the worst.” Joel pulls the seatbelt over your chest and clicks it in. “You can tell me all about it on the way to Tommys.” 

[elrondapologist]

RoP season 2 episode 5

Thoughts and opinions, because I have nowhere else to ramble about it Heavy spoilers below the cut ofc

Oh so, so we came back to Annatar and Celebrimbor, didn't we? And we begin to see the cracks! The end of the episode was heartbreaking; it is already easy to see the results of Annatar's manipulations and how it takes its toll on Celebrimbor. The poor elf just wanted to make a cute arts and crafts project (~~better than any made before~~) and now his "best friend" NOT ONLY outwards lies to him about dwarven rings, but also tells his protege that it was her master who she saw in the shadow realm? WHAT? Masterful.

I love it already looks like Celebrimbor is leaning a little bit back, looking into Annatar's eyes a little unsure. I was surprised by Annatar's boldness in this episode... I expected more cute smiles and sweet words. But I suppose the main reason behind it lies in time constraints. Time constraints that are also heavily noticeable in different parts of the narration; mainly, the Numenor situation. I was kind of displeased with episode 3 for the whole plot about Numenor being so shallow; it lacked the emotional stakes for me, it felt too rushed, too sudden; we as an audience seemed to lack the appreciation of golden times of Numenor to feel moved by its potential fall. But the shrine scene, if I catch you shrine scene

That was a moment when suddenly I became invested in the Numenorian plot; mostly because of the beautiful portrayal of Elendil by Lloyd Owen, but also because suddenly with the Valandil situation the whole thing became personal. It was actually surprisingly great. I am still of the opinion that this whole coup piece of plot would oh so benefit from being written a little more subtly (the motivations behind it were really hardly developed), but as for what we have in this adaptation, I loved this scene. Although I screamed with Elendil at my screen for Valandil to choose differently. AND NOW ELENDIL WILL THINK IT WAS BECAUSE OF HIS ORDER HIS SON'S BFF HE HIMSELF CALLED SON IS DEAD DEAD Captain, oh my captain The captain scene was also beautiful, because it was an exception to one thing - is it only me or this show has some serious problem with taking lordship quite… seriously? What I kinda got tired of in the plot is everyone disobeying their lords all the time; when I saw this tired face of Gil-Galad I thought he really deserves to have his scowl, it seems to be the worst position to be in Middle Earth right now: a king.

When you think everyone keeps telling you what to do and don't listen to your orders do not worry... There are like five other lords, kings and queens that have the same treatment, one queen is even I believe trapped in her tower after a coup, so it really could have been worse. The last thing about this episode: the dwarves I was kinda unnerved of how quickly the rings negatively impacted king Durin? I did not like the idea of rushing this process that much BUT I really enjoyed the explanation behind it, the idea that it is because of a direct will of Annatar and that he would gaslight Celebrimbor into thinking it was his fault. And it works! The greed and pride and deception as making the ring faulty. And the pride that keeps Celebrimbor from admitting it; the FEAR that he accidently did something not perfect, but even bad; that he may not accomplish the dream, but live the horror. (Well, Tyelpe-) The dwarves. I was to write about the dwarves! It was as always solid visually and in terms of characters, Disa is still a queen and Durin IV really needs to have his emotional Elrond back. I was trying to be upset upon the choices of king Durin, but somehow I was too happy upon him welcoming his son back to be angry. I will still regret it, I fear. 

Watcher of the deep? Also: Elrond run was epicTM

Run Elrond Run Final notes:

although as ever i have my issues with it, I loved the episode ofc

the only minus? One running Elrond scene was not enough, please, more Elrond next!!!

Annatar/Celebrimbor and dwarves plots are solid still

Numenorian plot tries his best

and as once kind of delivers

feel free to share your opinions or correct me in any way, but please let's be civil

in ao3 fashion sorry for any mistakes, I am not a native English speaker and it shows lmao

till next week, maybe? Possibly? If I have as much to say as for this episode XD

Thanks for your attention

[st4rshipr4nger]

things that help me//helped me minishift!! first im going to go over things before the methods and then yk yeah

i know alot of people dont like scripting, or just prefer not to do it but i enjoy doing it and it gets me pretty motivated because I know where im going more so than before when i just yk knew where i was going, i use notion scripts personally

but thats pretty well known so anyway what i was saying in response to that anon that my lovely mutual sent me was that i get my journal and i would write down affirmations for example 'i am happy in my dr, i am loved in my dr, i love my dr, i am shifting constantly, i shift everytime i breathe, i shift everytime i blink, i shift everytime i move, etc etc' and i would just write those down over and over repeating. I did that for like three days I wanna say and i minishifted to my umbrella dr and heard pojo knocking on my door, and even though that isnt how my umbrella dr is now because ive switched it up alot since then i might make a seperate post for that I STILL HEARD POGO. AND I SHIFTED EVEN THOUGH I PHYSICALLY JUMPED UP AND SHIFTED BACK. and i felt my couch turn more into a bed and the air smelled different and everything. So yes!! write down affirmations if you think it will help and even just to try it out.

make a pinterest board, a music playlist, consume the media that will make you feel closer and more at home with it !!

now for methods and how i do them//pair them up with eachother

void state method x affirmations x julia ??? method sort of

so i put a subliminal on throughout the day sometimes if i feel like it i just find one of youtube and i journal,,, then when i actually want to sit and try to shift i lay down, i personally lay down on my back because laying on my side trying to shift is UNCOMFORTABLE to me,,, then i do the void state part which is just detaching yourself kind of in my head i repeat 'i am pure consciousness' and 'i am not attatched to any reality and i can shift whenever where ever i please' mhmmhm and then once i do that for a while and i feel like i can move on, my body is asleep and i cant really like ...feel anything thats when i move on and start saying the affirmations that i had written down in my journal! and thats just what i do you can count when doing the void state method i know that can help stay like focused if youre into that.

remember its okay to let your mind wander, when youre told to stop thinking of something youre just gonna end up thinking of it more, so think about things and then let them go when you get distracted!

i hope this helped i tried to word it as best i could if you have any more questions just ask

MUCH LOVE!!!!

@v1trum

[swordsmans]

hello, sorry to bother! I'm not sure how to start this, but I just wanted to say that I have thought abt Freight for /years/. I happened to stumble on my subscription to it from literally 10 years ago and figured I'd check your profile to see if you're still writing! and I was so pleasantly surprised to find you still kickin' and creating :') I remember finding Freight when it was still on chapter 2 and how closely I followed your updates. it was the first fic I can remember ever becoming invested in- like... I used to sit in bed at night and think about your au and all the parts in it! those versions of the characters- /your/ versions- were so near and dear to my heart as a young teen, and even 10 years later, I still think about your fic all the time.

I guess I just wanted to take the time to say that you have made a lasting impression on someone. the stuff you create matters. YOU matter. this story will forever be a part of me, I'm sure of it, and I am so grateful to have those fond memories of your story!! I still think about it all the time, and before tonight, I've always wondered if you continued writing and sharing your talent with the world. I'm genuinely relieved to see that you're still in this world, my friend :] and that you never stopped creating.

I wish nothing but the best for you- All the good fortune, happiness, and peace to you <3

hi hey hello howdy :3

first of all, you're not a bother. if you're not sure how to start, then i'm sure as hell not sure how to respond! full disclosure, I've been sitting on this ask for almost five months now, and--well, when i read it, i cried. and every time ive sat down to respond after, ive also cried. i am (in fact) a bit weepy right now, but im going to lean into it. ironic detachment humor is OUT and genuine emotional engagement with the things that move us is IN and i printed this out and im going to put it on my wall

this is a gift. you are a gift. thank you so much for reading my work, and thank you so much for stopping by to share your love with me. freight is twelve years old now and thats insane to think about. i wrote before but it's the story that made me a writer and it will always be something im so proud of (and owe so much to) even if it will never be finished in its current state.

i think all writers, authors, creatives, whoever create to communicate something through their work--it's different for everyone, but no one makes purposeless art. every story is unique, but I've always written for the same reason: because life is big and hard and empty, and i am terrified of being alone. maybe it's self-aggrandizing but to know that you can still, like, hear my voice a decade later--that i wasn't a teenager yelling into the void because i was scared, that someone was there to listen--and that they're not alone still, that part of me, because youre still listening to that voice, to me, because even if im older i'll always be an accumulation of everything ive always been. i cant articulate it. or--i could, but then this reply would be a thousand paragraphs long. so just. like. thank you.

thank you for reading my stuff, and for loving it, and for reaching out after so many years just to say hello. im sixteen and crying, and im twenty-eight and crying, and yeah it was fanfic but it was art, and it was real, and it had a purpose, we're both still here to remember it, and that's everything.

[earlysunshines]

idk if anyone has told you but i js wanted to say that your works are so beautifully written, like you make everything so descriptive and really realistic which gives me the chills. when i read fluff from other author's works, it's still good and simple but my only thoughts are "omg fluff, this is so good!" however when i read yours, i actually take my time to read your work carefully because the way you describe everything so vivdly is so well. even the responses of the people in the fic are so realistic because i can genuinely imagine them saying/doing something like that. i really love your slowburn fics because you take the time to actually make it feel like there's a connection in the storyline, just like shows. like when you wrote the danielle x y/n fic where they were doing volunteering work was just so top tier since we get to know how the characters are in the fic; their personality, how they react about something. sorry idk how to explain 😞😞 but its just that some people rush their works and i feel like there's isnt any connection in it because they rushed it so much that we couldn't exactly understand anything if ykwim. for example, some authors are writing angst but there's barely any description and it's just so rushed that im thinking "oh that's not really that sad" because there wasnt enough for me to deeply picture each moment and analyze the characters emotions and thoughts. BUT WHEN YOU WRITE IT, i feel like my heart clenches and i acrually start crying BECAUSE IT'S SO SAD AND PERFECTLY WRITTEN, the pace, the charcters, the description, the plot, everything is so WOW. You know how when people die in shows, you're not sad enough to cry for them because there wasn't much to the character or anythign that you could relate to, but some shows have you bawling your eyes out because the character was so amazingly written with their personality, their death, their backstory, etc; IT'S THE SAME WITH YOUR FICS LIKE GOD YOURE AN AMAZING WRITER AI am so deadass when i say you're my favorite author in this entire platform because if i ever feel like i want to read something that I can really picture everything, i go to your account😭😭 i'm sorry if this didn't really make sense, i couldn't put my praise into words.

i read this over like three times because i am baffled and in shock and literally so joyous after reading this like this is genuinely so sweet im laying in bed looking like an idiot while smiling at this you are SO SWEET WHAT THE HELLLL!!

these are some of the sweetest, best, most wonderful compliments i've ever received especially because i've been sooooo iffy with my writing, i've been kind of doubting some things ive been writing because i felt like my qriting lowk got worse LOL but omg... after seeing this i'm realizing that maybe thats not it.

i am especially so hesitant when it comes to angst bc i am noooot confident in my abilities but everything i try to do and implement in writing to evoke thse angsty feelings is lowk proven to be workign after your reaction bc i do spend a lot of time building characters personalities and whatnot + story building, general background lalala bc i think it's rly important adn UGH im so glad you appreciate that and oh my god im like wow so taken aback this is so sweet

and everything that you said about rushing and being confused like i REALLLY try my best to make things make sense and provide connection and oh my gosh i literally cant this feedback is so sweet like WHAT idek what to say like im just rambling oh my god this is so sweet WHAT THE FREAAAK

what im trying to say is im really glad you took the time to explain how much my writing means to you and how much you like it and responses like these genuinely give me so much motivation and make me so happy and im really glad my writing evokes the feelings i really want it to despite my doubts. i am really happy. thank you. you are so sweet i'm glad you enjoy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[kaeyapilled]

hey! your kaeya takes are so real!!! I was wondering if you had any good fic recs?? I want to read something that has good kaeya characterization (+bonus if it's ragbros that isn't just them crying and hugging it out like you were talking about) and am tired of scrolling through tags

!! omg thank you im so honored to hear that people like my takes lol

fic recs huh!! i have some!! do you mind it if most of them are about child kaeya? (i hadnt realized how many of my bookmarks focused on his childhood until i went through them all lmao) hopefully it isnt all stuff youve already read before! here goes:

A Horse Makes for a Stable Life by FollowerofMercy – Wanting to test the boundaries of his host’s goodwill, Kaeya asks for a pony for his birthday. He didn’t expect Crepus to deliver. Or, the story in which things get uncomfortably real for young Kaeya.

do you like kaeya and crepus interactions!! because this fic explores their dynamic in suuuuch a nice way that felt very refreshing to see portrayed!! perfect ratio of hurt to comfort in my opinion. overall quite lighthearted compared to my other recs though lol. good exploration of kaeyas inner conflict since a young age. yeah i love it and recommend it

I'm gonna miss your love when it's gone by imaginarypasta – A selection of scenes from Kaeya's childhood related to his relationships with his fathers, and all they have led him to be.

this one is so good!!!! i feel like its rare to see kaeyas biological father portrayed as anything other than a heartless asshole, and this fic explored kaeyas relationship with him in such a nice manner that makes for a very melancholic and. i guess bittersweet story that takes into consideration the nuance of the situation in a way that i really dont see super often. the parts about kaeyas relationship w crepus are also really well done i love it. oh and the khaenri'ah lore the author takes some liberty with is really really interesting!!

not bad for a walk on death's doorstep by b_attery – Fear is a knife’s edge. Fear is a killer. Fear is how you know you’re still alive.

my bookmark of this work said "literally the best kaeya character study ive ever read" and honestly i still stand by that. the word flow is great and the exploration of fear as such an intrinsic part of kaeya's life and as the driving force for most of his actions and feelings and responses. it's so good!!! this one contemplates kaeyas childhood both before and after his arrival in mondstadt and goes until after diluc's return. absolutely recommend it!!

Hundred-Watt Light by pepperjuice – A story about ten years of contingency plans and holding your own hand. (Because how else are you supposed to live with a weight too big to hold all alone?)

this. this rewired my brain forever. this holds the title of best kaeya character study ever along with the previous one i talked about. definitely mind the tags because it primarily deals with suicidal ideation and thoughts so, if that's a trigger then it's best to not read this one lol but still it is SO good and it explores kaeya's inner conflicts and awful coping mechanisms after having such a heavy burden thrusted upon him at an extremely early age with no good support of any kind. i absolutely love this fic it's very dear to me and i think about it sooo often it truly altered my brain chemistry

things fall apart by kernsing – Happy eighteenth, Diluc.

finally some ragbros content! sadly it isnt the reconciliation you asked for it's about when things fell apart. this is one of my favorite ever renditions of how it all went down on That Day - it reshaped some of my own headcanons, actually. this one is more from diluc's pov than kaeya's, and it's written really really well, and explores diluc's grief over his father's death in SUCH an amazing and interesting way!! and the way it parallels kaeya's own emotions and that is exactly what causes them to fight is extremely tasty i loved it. read it it's good

okay i can probably find some more but this is enough for one post i think. deeply sorry for not delivering the good ragbros reconciliation content.. i tbh haven't gathered a lot.. but i hope you and whoever else reads this enjoys these! thank you for the ask <3

[vryivs]

fanfic writer interview

thank you @tiesanjiaoshenanigans

How many works do you have on AO3? 52

What's your total AO3 word count? 571, 768

Your top 5 stories by kudos/likes:

Tangerine, Macaron (seongjoong)

the dirt that you're made of (yanqing)

恋の予感 (the longest path to us) (seongjoong)

If I Can Leave One Memory (sansang)

the stars are here (seongjoong)

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? yes!! i usually go through my comments right before i upload a new fic or chapter, just because that's easiest

What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending? god um ok. one sec. it's definitely 白镜 - White Mirror. tragic lesbians... most of what i write has a happy or at least ambiguous ending but this one follows canon so it's a tragedy instead

What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending? oh man! tbh it's probably 恋の予感 (the longest path to us) again. although nearly everything i write ends happy

Do you write crossovers? not rlly... they just don't appeal to me that much so I've never written them. i dont read them either

Have you ever received hate on a fic? nope! considering how long ive been writing it honestly kind of surprises me--its not even like i write particularly safe stuff either. i figure that maybe its because so much of my work is so personal that a people tend to maintain good etiquette and dont talk shit directly to me

Do you write smut? If so, what kind? yes. the cinematic kind lol. last time i wrote something explicit was fine, but i much prefer writing smut in a more literary style? not sure if that makes sense. the writing equivalent of close shots and fancy camera angles and lens flare, although that doesnt mean that i cant be crass when i want

Have you ever had a fic stolen? i dont think so, but its not like i check

Have you ever had a fic translated? nop! someday i want to get good enough to translate my own hsr work into chinese just bc so much of what i write is influenced by reading and learning about chinese culture and linguistic quirks, but that wont be any time soon

Have you ever co-written a fic before? yes!! several actually. lonely 'til you hold me was a collab with a pinch hitter for the event it was for. then i also wrote on my old account Accursed Spawn with @shineoftherainbow which to this day i am obsessed with

What's your all-time favorite ship? oh man... i am fickle and my tastes change by the week, but i think i will always have a soft spot for einsla, even if i dont write them much

What's a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will? never say never but probably the seongjoong royalty au. i had it planned and everything but then people started discoursing around eden and the planned ending i wrote was potentially too topical, so i waited and then i lost steam.

What are your writing strengths? flow i think? ive always been pretty good at keeping things moving at a good pace. i edit myself a lot (and practice editing on some actual published books too!) so its become second nature to chop and change and move things around.

What are your writing weaknesses? actually writing. just kidding. probably that when i get stuck on something i tend to focus only on the fact that im stuck and cannot continue until i have unstuck myself

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic? depends on what is meant my this! if it's about honorifics in dialogue (eg, hyung, -chan, dajie etc) i support it, since a lot don't translate well to english. Same with terms of endearment like -ito and -ie. if it's whole dialogue, it really depends. am i supposed to be able to understand the dialogue? is it something that could've been written just as well with 'he says, in [language]', does the author understand what they're writing, is it a text based or verbal conversation? does the pov character understand what's being said? (personally the best way to have dialogue in other languages is if the pov character isn't supposed to understand it. but always be aware that a native speaker of that language may still read the fic)

What's a fandom/ship you haven't written for yet but want to? kiamei! i love my lesbian mothers.

What's your favorite fic you've written?

白镜 - White Mirror. lets go lesbians! i really enjoyed writing in this style

tagging: @shineoftherainbow @himbodevotee @nicenightmare13 @morifiinwe @marichild @linhuine

[samioli]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

Saw this on my dash and there was permission for anyone who writes fics to do it, so I'm doing it!

1. How many works do you have on A03?

41!

2. What's your total A03 word count?

271,531! I'm pretty proud honestly, never thought the number would get so high! Also I'm pretty sure the smut alone is over 100,000 LMAO

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Mainly Ace Attorney at the moment!

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

like a warm embrace

rough around the edges

wait (they don't love you like I love you)

where there is a flame (someone's bound to get burned)

hold onto me ('cause I'm a little unsteady)

WOW honestly i didnt know the last one was so high!! That was my first ever aa fic.

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I try to! What ends up happening is that I respond pretty well at first, but then i get overwhelmed and stop replying :(( And then by the time I'm ok again, i feel like it would be weird to respond. Please know i read each comment and it means the world to me!!

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Definitely 'burning the memories (that might have redeemed you)' since its a fic that takes place during 1-2 and before edgeworth's character development. I STILL HAVE THE HAPPY ENDING SEQUEL IN MY DRAFTS LMAO. I hope to finish it one day!!

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Not sure! Most of my fics have happy endings.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Nope, not hate at least. Ive gotten some backhanded compliments before, but never flat out hate. Thank goodness for that.

9. Do you write smut?

Too friggin much

10. Do you write crossovers?

The closest ive ever gotten is a WIP where its a low-key Good Omens and Ace Attorney crossover, lmao

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Thankfully no!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes! What's new pussycat was translated into Chinese recently!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Nah, I would be open to it, though!

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

Nrmt for real. They make my brain go BRRRRRRRR.

15. What's the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

There's a lot, lmao. Probably the sequel to I am not a vessel for your good intent.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Dialogue I would say. Dirty talk too, in smut.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Descriptions😔

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

Nah, not my thing.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

The Flash lmao

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

I'd have to say Flame! That's my baby, and I think it has some of my best writing and pining in there.

I'm tagging @sapphire-wine, @majoringinsarcasm @sandboxer

@rage-against-the-dying-of-light, @apprenticeofdoyle and anyone else who would like to do this!!!

[lemongrass--tea]

Good morning and Happy Friday! You are an incredible artist! I've been browsing your work (on here and on Pillowfort!) and I am amazed by your mastery of anatomy and how you infuse character in each of your pieces.

First, I saw through the #sdv elliott tag how you were asking about drawing other fans' farmers. If you're still interested, I happily offer up mine! You can DM me for references if you so desire.

Second, I want to know more about Elliott and Connor. What's Connor's story? How did he and Elliott get together? What do they love best about each other?

And correct me if I'm wrong, but I've inferred from some of your art that he is a tengu, or at least a related entity. That's so neat! Tell me more about that. 😁👍

Hee hee heee this came out so long lmao I tried to be concise but I’ve written the epistle of Connor and Elliott lore😩

(And I would love to draw your farmer I’m gnawing at the bars of my enclosure like a rabid animal)

Connor is certainly similar to a tengu in the sense that what he’s based on is a similar mischievous spirit fae species type thing. I combined two Caribbean myths for him, chickcharnie and gaulin wife.

Linked some info on the two, but I’ll say the gaulin wife telling here isn’t the exact one that I remember, there’s this one telling that has a song in it that the wife sings “oh what a foolish man, he married the gaulin” BUT IVE BEEN LOOKING FOR WEEEEKS I can’t find it it might be lost media🥲. I also can’t remember the EXACT way that version went since I heard last it when I was like- 11 lmao. But the concept is pretty much what’s in this version.

SO that gets us to Connor, I wanted him to have the whole monster bird fae elements of the chickcharnie to have a reason to be feared or distrusted by his home town, but I also REALLY love herons (hence the gaulin bride) and the whole jingle from that tale. So I was like, what if everyone around them (mostly from Connor’s home life because bird man cryptid is par for the course in pelican town I think lmao) would think Elliott to be like, crazy for wanting to be with a fae. So they’re like a twist on the myth where instead of the man seeing this perfect spouse that turns out to be a trick, everyone else EXPECTS a trick but they’re just hopelessly in love.

I hope that makes sense

So Connor has 2 sisters, Cara his “twin” and Khipz their younger sister. If you’ve ever seen that writing prompt where a fae asks a mother to pick which is their real child vs the fae’s copy and she responds like “they’re both my children” that’s kind of what happens here. I think it fits considering chickcharnie are known for like, kidnapping and luring little kids into the pine forest, fun stuff, so a baby swap sounds about right.

The real twin was stillborn/terminally ill, but their mother has connections to the local fae through her family (grandpa from the actual canon) having a good relationship through the time they lived in the valley. So she begs for a way to save the kid, and they grant this favor by doing a little swap, they take the baby and give her Connor.

The father is not quite so tolerant to fae activity, so he DOES NOT vibe with Connor, pretty much seeing him as like not really theirs, but ofc Connor’s a baby he has no way to understand the hostility here. But he’s willing to let him pass as long as he’s able to keep up appearances. This man is all about reputation and appearance, he wants that white picket fence life, hes a major business man in their town he expects perfection. But the cultural context of the fae being dangerous and uncontrollable he does not want people to know that he’s connected to that. So they raise Connor to suppress his magic and such, he has to keep up appearances as fully human, perfect little identical copy of his twin (which includes being raised feminine since the original expectation was two girls so that’s what Connor’s default appearance was)

At a point though a kids going to start developing their own persona, so once he hits teen years he’s not really comfortable being constrained to copying Cara. He’s allowed to shift his presentation to his current male presentation, but it does kinda throw a wrench in his dad’s perception of him. Every disagreement and every personal decision is more and more strain as Connor’s less willing to conform, which raises his dad’s concerns about his nature as a fae. Not to mention he becomes more of a liability reputation wise because the harder he tries to control Connor the harder he pushes back, babe is prone to reckless behavior (but really in the childlike skipping class and launching a dirtbike off a ramp into a lake or something way), and their dad does NOT know how to handle it besides meeting that energy with anger especially if he’s roping his sisters into his antics.

ENTER STAGE RIGHT OUR BABYGIRL ELLIOTT

I love the concept of him being an ex-trust fund rich kid that left to pursue his own desires. So they meet in like 9th grade or so, when their parents are meeting to discuss whatever business deal they’ve got going on. And they hit it off so much cuz they’re both starting to explore being their own person and discontentment with expectations and conformity, but at this point Connor does not tell him that he is not human due to fear that he might have the same disdain that his own dad has, especially considering even his SISTERS don’t know. His mother’s been telling him all these years you can’t let anyone know, we don’t want anyone to get hurt right? It’s just not the right time, I imagine there’s an element of him fearing HIMSELF a fair amount, especially since he’s not in practice of taking his bird forms. All of his focus goes into keeping that side of himself suppressed.

But time passes and yknow young love, they’re close friends and romantic feelings start showing up, they end up sharing their first kiss and Connor is unable to stop himself from just letting all those inhibitions go. He suddenly sprouts little baby feathers and the starting nubs where his horns would grow in, tail wagging a mile a minute, but while Elliott’s taking this in because WHAT HAPPENED Connor’s dad finds them in whatever room they’d snuck off to and man is LIVID because as far as he’s concerned his biggest insecurity just got outed and being fresh to his investors son, what are they gonna think of him, so improper, how dare you. He gets dragged off to get berated and such and gets banned from being allowed anywhere near the company lest he cause more problems.

Elliott loses contact because like, neither of them have any means of contact and then he gets sent off to a boarding school to finish high school, and he brushes off the whole thing in his memory like maybe I was just hallucinating. Fae aren’t common around the city so he wouldn’t be too aware of that being an option.

Connor has the whole thing in the back of his mind like oh he probably freaked out and hates me now just like father dearest said he would, especially since Elliott never got the chance to react beyond the initial shock.

DECADE PASSES

I mentioned before in his last lore post that there’s more mounting hostility and eventually Connor decides to cut off completely, his mom gives him grandpas land so he moves to pelican town.

And like imagine his shock to see Elliott there, standing on that bridge, he’s internally freaking out then he turns and smiles at him with the opening line “oh you must be the new farmer everyone’s talking about, it’s a pleasure” and he politely kisses his knuckles and it’s like a complete parallel to their first kiss where he just loses it all over again. And like in that time he’s had other relationships other flings, and he thought he was in complete control because NEVER after that first time did he ever have a slip up again, then Elliott comes along and just KNOCKS EVERY WALL DOWN with a fleeting GREETING of all things.

Then there’s like this pause of realization from Elliott of oh my god it’s you.

I’m so unwell for them. Elliott gets his proper explanation of him and it’s like, the first time he’s not pressured to have to hide himself anymore, he thinks it’s **fascinating** and beautiful not something to be feared and reigned back. So they get to rekindle that long lost friendship and all those feelings come tumbling back into the equation.

They definitely build their relationship off emotional support and shared experience, two bros against the world frfr

[erwinsvow]

SUIT THE MOOD OF MY SOUL WAS THE BEST OMMGGGG I CAAANNNTTT MY ENTIRE BEING WAS THRROBING WITH UR PHENOMENAL AND EXQUISITE WRITING I CANNOT FANTHOM HOW U LIVE AFTER PUBLISHING IT😭😭 UGUUGHHHHH if ever u make a part 2 pls put me in the tag list hehe im acc desperate bcz its so good im not lyinggg!!!! i love u so much i might js b captivatef w u ily 🥺

omg this is the sweetest msg in the entire world stop!!! omg youre so nice and kind to send this. i am soooo happy you loved suit the mood of my soul its really one of my favorite things ive ever written too! im crying <3 thank you for the support and love it means so much

im not sure abt part 2 but i will tag if it ever comes out!!! <33333 i love u omg stop im gonna cry<333

[osarina]

You are genuinely such a brilliant writer, waterloo is one of the best things I've ever read. If I had read it without any context, I would assume it's a very highly praised book written by some smart poet or something, not a fanfiction about an anime. I was already sad whenever I thought of beastzai, but now I'm gonna cry whenever I think of him 😭 everything about beast is just so sad and unfortunate 😞 I also have a question, and I'm not sure if this has been discussed since I only recently found your account, but are your other dazai x reader fics part of the Waterloo series? Like they're all different universes? Hopefully not since that would mean reader dies in all of them 😞🙏 (waterloo au where both reader and oda live and they work on publishing books together and dazai is happily part of the ada when? 🤭 /hj) SORRY FOR RANTING I just am absolutely inlove with your writing style and I'm definitely going to be thinking of Waterloo 24/7 while crying 🫶

lovebug :(((( i'm ACTUALLY going to weep you're so sweet i want to perish, my heart is so warm & fluttery. you are so sweet actually i think ive read this ask more than a dozen times.

beast truly is so tragic like. idk man everything i think of it i get so depressed like beastzai was so lonely and did everything he could to protect oda (and reader :P) and he couldn't even live long enough to read oda's book :') the one thing he wanted :') like beastzai will always be my roman empire truly i miss him so desperately

only the fics under the waterloo masterlist are part of waterloo universe! pmreader is its own universe (they're happy there, don't worry <3)

AND DON'T EVER APOLOGIZEEEEEEE I LOVE ASKS I LUV RAMBLING WITH YOU GUYS I ADORE YOU SM

[sillyyywrites]

STARES AT YOU.

Hiiii Bonez !!!!!!!!

Wanna write somethin’ sweet for me?

like uh uh uh just uh just DCA (any) being oh so very nice to meeeee (or y/n). WANT UH WANT ENCOURAGEMENT FROM DCA (like im doing soso good at life and making good decisions.)

/nf of course!!!! (And I will write or draw something in return if you want tee hee. LIKE AN ART TRADE BUT ITS WRITING AND/OR ART :00000)

You don’t need to draw/write anything slime!!!!

Oouuugh what if i was evil (positive) and made it a massive timeskip in my au cause i dont wanna build up friendships in writing (i will do exactly this)

Gender neutral pronouns and no use of y/n and please read this as platonic!!

Divider credits: https://www.tumblr.com/cafekitsune/727305515676418048/pattern-banners-galaxy

You walk into the daycare, a little tired, but you’re functioning. You walk down the stairs, not really noticing the power outage or taking any mind to it, you’re just zoned out. You open the massive doors that look like a castles doors and walk inside. You hear little ‘clicks’ and ‘clacks’ from a few directions.

“You can’t scare me anymore, moon. Im to used to this.” You say as you don’t really wanna deal with a jumpscare so early in the morning. You hear little ‘clicks’ closer, and closer. “Are you okay?” They ask as it descends and unhooks themselves. “You know you’re doing great, okay? You got a few animatronics who care, and you.. somehow.. got me on that train.” He isn’t letting you not think that today.

“Hmmm.. let’s look at your tasks together, okay?” He says, not gonna let you do these tasks alone anymore. “It’s fine, moon, I can do this.” You say to him, you’re used to the tasks of cleaning up, checking generators, the other repetitive tasks you do everyday. “I am not asking you if you want help, you’re getting help.” Well, they’re still a little intimidating.

“Fine, not like I have a choice anyway.” You respond to it. A little while later you’ve finished checking the last generator to make sure it’s functioning and won’t randomly burst into flames. “They’re all fine.” You say, hearing a little ‘clicks’ as you turn to look at moon, who is visibly happy, a little hard to tell if it’s genuine with that unmoving permanent smile on his face, but they seem happy. “Where’s the cleaning supplies?” You ask moon as you crawl out the colorful Play-place.

“Already done, we didn’t feel like waiting for you.” He responds to your question. “Wowww, i mean, thank you, but wowwwww.” You jokingly act like you’re upset. “You did good, Starlight.” He tells you. “Thank yOU- WHAT ARE YOU DOIN-“ You raise your voice as he forcefully yoinks you out the Play-place and carrying you like a burrito (if that makes sense?) and carries you to a little nest of pillows and blankets, and drops you on it. Before you could even process anything you’re burrito wrapped and trapped in coziness!

“What are you doing.” You ask moon, slightly annoyed he didn’t warn or ask you before he picked you up. “Your work is as good as done, you deserve a reward for doing your best, and I’m proud of you, Little star.” He tells you as he curls around you a little bit as he continues, “Plus, I miss wrapping the kids up and hugging them to sleep, it’s a win-win for both of us.” It’s a little funny, having a animatronic that’s been called terrifying and snarky.. just being sweet with you and telling you that you’re doing good.

“You’re doing good, don’t stress about something you’re doing perfectly on, you’re loved.” He’s clinging to you and telling you positive things, that’s one way to just allow yourself to relax. And not long later you’re both asleep, as the lights flick on.

im normal about them why do you ask :3c (i am not normal about them)

I enjoyed writing this! Fastest ive written ever (1 hour)

Hope you like this slime🔥🔥🔥

[gayteddy]

2024 was a really terrible year but a few really good things happened that made it all worth it. and so im glad that ive been able to survive and continue living and i hope 2025 is a little easier to get through but regardless we will all be okay<3

commence nightly teddy journal

the year started out really rough with me being in and out of work and then finally getting fired in early summer. and honestly the second half of the year truly felt three times as long i feel like its been a full year if not more since i got fired. not a couple months.

got denied for disability + reapplied and am now halfway through the process again.... reconnected with my step mom which? was not Terrible. a very loaded thing to be sure but. im okay with our relationship right now. i guess. JKLFDJGKDFJG

i started working with my current therapist this year too and shes been so wonderful. i feel like ive been able to make a lot of meaningful progress on processing stuff and its helpful for me to have a Scheduled Time to sort of ground myself every week. its easy for me to get caught up in my thoughts if i dont have "a reason" to lay everything out.

my younger brother became homeless and temporarily moved in with us this year which. has been very stressful and upsetting. and kind of triggering as well. i wont go full vent in here but ive been homeless before and so it brings up a lot of bad memories. but hes doing okay and working on getting a job + housing.

i didnt Meet alynn this year but we got together at the very end of last year and being able to be with him for this year has been amazing. ive learned a lot about myself through our relationship and have been able to do so many creative things with him and jude its been a dream.

me and jude hit 5 years this year too which is so crazy. i will truly never understand people who complain about their partners or talk about how hard it is to live with them bc living + being with jude has always been the most natural thing in the world to me.

stella turned 2 this year! getting her was the best decision ever she brings me so much happiness and joy every single day. shes my precious baby and i adore her so so so much.

and finally and possibly the biggest thing that happened this year. i started a new pain medication that also works as an antidepressant and finally came out of a depression i didnt even know i was having. for the last like 3 years ive struggled to do anything creatively. i havent written or drawn and ive struggled to interact with my interests at all. and i just kind of assumed i had changed as a person and that was who i Was now.

and so breaking out of that literally changed my entire view on life. im creating art again. im drawing and writing and Talking. im making new friends. im talking to existing friends more. this is truly the best note 2024 could possibly end on. i feel full of hope for next year and for the things ill be able to do.

im scared for this upcoming year but im hopeful too. because i know even if more bad things happen ill still have the good things too.

[angelmichelangelo]

Hey! 👋

I saw your post of having a hard time today, so hope this helps!!

I am about to ask you a series of questions, (of which you have the right to refuse to answer if you’re not comfortable), and hopefully this will help distract you. 😁

1. Who is your favorite TMNT brother to write fics about?

2. What fic that you have written are you the most proud of?

3. How many medical-based TMNT fics have you written?

Now enough about what you write- let’s get to know you a bit better. :)

1. What is your favorite color?

2. Have you ever watched a sunrise before? If so, where and when? (If you can remember!)

3. What is your favorite snack while you work?

4. Does your closet consist of lighter or darker colors?

5. Do you have any pets? :)

6. Are you aware that your fics make so many people very happy, and have touched all of our hearts in ways we can’t well describe? (I WILL make fanart GOSHDARN IT- There’s just SO MANY Fics to choose from HAHA)

7. Do you have any OCs that no one in particular could draw? 😁

Hope this helps you, Angelo! (Is it alright if I call you that?) You got this!! Hang in there, and remember to take things slow. Run your race at your own pace. 💙

~ Melissa

hello there friend! :) thank you very much for this ask!!

to answer your questions!

1. i would say that mikey or leo is my favourite to write just because they have a special place in my heart 🥺

2. i’d say the fic im most proud of would be my glass turtles fic. it was a lot when i was writing it and maybe the only tmnt fic ive ever had hate on?😅 but it’s a fic that i am really glad i stuck with and put out there :)

3. i love me a good sick!fic !! and any whump fics are just like. pure gold to my heart lol — i do quite enjoy writing sainw fics were mikey loses his arm or i have a soft spot for epileptic rise mikey after the movie events :) but i plan on more medical based fics because it’s all i know lol

and as for me !!

1. i love the colour orange :) my bedroom is orange and everyone told me it would look silly but it’s so warm and glowy and makes me feel so safe :)

2. i had a really amazing opportunity to go to thailand just before the 2020 pandemic where i stayed in a little villa on a beach. i was having pretty bad jet lag and woke up early nearly every morning i was there and would just go sit on this quiet, empty beach with the warmth on my face as the sun came up. this was just a few months before my life got really hectic with family members becoming ill/dying and i just appreciate that i got to have that to kind of hold onto, in a way. to always remind me of the goodness in the world <3

3. i have a terrible habit of underrating at work 😬 but sometimes the kitchen staff are nice enough to make me up some potato croquettes that are just so so nice haha

4. my closet is a complete mismatch! :D i dont really have a set style of pretty much anything in my life so its a healthy mixture of lights and darks and all in between :)

5. i do!! i have a black cat that is just the sweetest lady in the whole world :3 she likes to sleep under the blankets curled up next to me and chew on my hair lol

6. oh 🥺🥺🥺 that really does mean so much.. i love writing fic and have done for the last, like 10 years ive been active in fandom spaces online. i have so much fun interaction with people through them and whenever someone tells me what it means to them is just like, maybe possibly the best feeling in the world. i appreciate that so much, thank you. (and any and all fanart is just gonna make my heart explode in the best way possible)

7. i don’t have any OCs for tmnt really. i mean, a long long time ago i had a fic idea of another turtle that reunites with them as is like. a motherly kind of figure but that never took off the ground and i haven’t really revisited it in like the last 8ish years lol but who knows! maybe 2025 will be the year of OCs!!

and it’s perfectly fine :) you can call me angelo, angel — i know a few people have and i think it’s really sweet :’) thank you so very much for this ask, im holding it very close to my heart <33

have an amazing day, thank you again !!

[det395]

det395 2023 fic recap

this year i wrote 172,177 words in total across approximately 19 WIPS (15 fic, 4 original) and i posted 12 fics amounting to 205,547 words

first of all, my favourites, my children, my pride and joys...

A place you can never go (85k words, fandom: Hannibal)

(and its informal prequel and alternate pov companion piece)

this fic was my #1 pride and joy of the year, and likely will be for a long time to come. i started writing this fic in August, 2022 and it became a whole different creature from my original idea but i am beyond happy with how it turned out. i think it is the best thing ive ever written. i have a really warm and fuzzy feeling looking back on it, despite the angsty concept lol

Put a little love here in my void (53k, fandom: Interview with the Vampire)

I posted this fic as i wrote it not expecting it to get much attention, which made this one a bit overwhelming and confirmed to me that i much prefer to have my fics totally pre-written before posting. that being said, it was one of the most satisfying stories to write! almost every chapter gave me trouble and almost every time i figured it out in the end in a way that just felt right. i fell off of this universe a bit before i could add more to it, but i suspect season 2 of iwtv might be motivating...

and onto the rest:

The Locked Tomb

Place me in my casket tonight - Harrowhark-centred with a lot of angst

The princess with a sword - 10k words of just messy lesbian sex

Interview with the Vampire

Don't be shy, go on ahead and take the whole set - short little Claudia exploration, the poor girl

Hannibal

To build a fire - cozy yet sinister bedsharing wip, man i should really try to finish this fic while the chilly weather is here

The killing moon - sex, violence, and body horror oh my! i finished this up from the previous halloween and im glad i went all the way with it

Black Butler / Kuroshitsuji

Ascend and try again - a silly, indulgent fic based on an anime episode. miscommunication with these 2 is so fun

The moon's a skull, I think it's grinning - a more plot-driven 'case' fic with lots of trauma exploration. i am so drawn in by the dark themes in the manga and i really enjoyed researching for and writing this one

The Last of Us

A rotten summer, a rotten hope, dear - being emotional about Ellie & Joel 🥺

Black sails

Regardez-moi - Max and Eleanor my beloveds. a preview into what my ao3 might look like in 2024. black sails has taken over my mind and heart...

i wrote rather sporadically this year, falling off of things when life got busy. for this next year (which i know will be busy) my goal is to write more consistently, even if each daily word count is pretty low