#its not the BEST thing ive ever written but i am happy with it and THATS WHAT MATTERS

[donutcats]

chapter 5 of my xo kitty fic! give it up for chapter 5!

[mochamadeleines]

Sweethearts and Sweet Dreams <3

“Nothin’?”

“Mhm.”

“Whats behind your back then?”

You sway in place, trying to suppress a knowing smile. “I dont have anything behind my back.” (6.4k words)

tags!! - 18+ modern au! Husband! Joel Miller, Wife! Reader, you guys are happy and in love!, mutual obsession if u squint, lots of exposition im so freaking sorry, pervert Joel if u squint, praise kink joel if you squint, dumbification if you squint, written for those with daddy issues lowkeeyyyyy, written with game joel in mind but could be hbo joel no problem!, lowk i combined the two in my mind, mentions of shy old man joel, housewife! reader (by choice), unspecified age gap but reader is like. thirty? and joels Like...55??, talk about joel taking medication for his anxiety, p in v sex, dirty talk, public sex, outdoor sex, joel has a kink for dresses because i said so? service top joel if you squint, pet names, a pinch of jealousy and possessiveness for fun, playful banter, mentions of maria and tommy and their baby with a made up name Lol, mentions of ellie and sarah (rip), mentions of readers past abusive relationships, talk about joel struggling with substance abuse/addiction and being hospitalized.....Im sure u can theorize why </3, lots of lore ill get into in another fic MAYBE *smirks*, flip flop in perspective, sometimes showing what joel is thinking or what reader is thinking blah blah

authors notes!! - hi there!!! im mocha and this is my first joel fic ever + my first fic posted to tumblr!! im really nervous cuz i havent written anything in months and ive never written joel before so please let me know if you like it!! id love to write more of this au for u guys if theres a demand for it...Thank u for reading!! also barely proof read im ngl. ive been staring at this fic all day im sick of itttt. p.s i dont usually write smut i also kinda do idfk Is this bad or am i tweaking

You step out of the house, morning sun soaking into the roots of your hair and the driveway beneath your feet. Theres a package youve been waiting for. 

You cant contain your grin as you wiggle it out of the hot prison that is your mailbox.

“What the hell are you doin’ out there barefoot?” Joel chastises you from the front door, leaning his elbow on the frame. Joel, your lovely husband of two years. Been together for five. And because of how hard he works, you have the privilege of being a stay at home wife. Some people think that sort of life is stifling, but youve never felt so free. No more jobs you hate, no more financial struggles. Just you, Joel, and your cat, Cement. He likes to pretend it isnt a totally hilarious name for a pet.

You were his first relationship in almost a decade, so it was a lot of work helping him unpack his anxieties about dating, and a lot of work for you to feel safe and unafraid. Honestly? Youve been mistreated by enough men to land you in the psychward.

But Joel never yells at you, he never breaks things when hes angry or threatens to hurt you. He might raise his voice every now and again, but its never because of something you did. Sometimes the stress of life is just too much. 

He works hard, he loves his daughter- daughters- and he would do anything to keep you happy. Whatever you say goes, he says. Even now, you hardly argue. Of course you have disagreements, or off days thatd lead to one of you being especially moody, but the both of you do your best to communicate.

Behind that rough exterior, is someone who just wants to be needed. 

You first met Joel at a youth center you volunteered at, he taught guitar, you taught arts and crafts. Joel says it was your smile and sense of humor that charmed him. It was his singing and southern accent for you.

Your favorite thing about Joel is how soft he gets around you. He says its because you make it easy to be soft. 

Joel was a shy lover at first. He would get nervous just kissing you, or holding your hand. While most people become intimate very early on in their relationship, you and Joel didnt do anything sexual for the first five months of you dated. Sure, you almost did, plenty of times, but he would get so overwhelmed and cut things short. You broke two of your vibrators during this era of your relationship. Embarassing.

You remember your first time very vividly. Joel had worked back to back doubles trying to meet a deadline, and on the final day, after having barely spoken to you for almost a week, you had shown up to his house, unannounced. You were wringing water out of your jacket when he swung the door open. 

“How-” Joel blinks a few times, stepping forward to examine the rainfall. “How long you been out here?”

“Not that long,” You lie and pick up the container you brought off the porch chair. Part of you had a hard time mustering up the courage to even knock on the door. Droplets of water cascade down your chin. “Hi, sorry. I know youre tired.”

He shakes his head, voice soft and warm. “S’fine. Now c’mon, youre gonna get sick.”

Youre seated at the little dining table next to the kitchen now, trying to let the sound of the rainfall ease your nerves.

Joel was quick to grab you a towel, and does the honors of drying your face and hair with it. “Why didnt you jus’ call me? Woulda gotten out of the shower faster if i knew you were gettin’ soaked out there like this.”

“I dunno, sorry.”

“An’ whatd i tell you about apologizin’ all the time?”

“Sor- Uh. Right. Okay.” You tighten your jaw. No more.

Joel moves behind you, now squeezing water out the ends of your hair. “Whas’ that?”

“Oh!-” You peel back the lid, showing it to him. “Old fashion cake donuts are your favorite right? I remember you saying you liked eating them with your coffee in the mornings so…I made these. Youve been working a lot lately and I wanted to do something nice for you.”

Joel gingerly grasps the container from your hands, looking into it. Theyre a warm golden brown, outside evenly fried, and the sweet scent of them hits his nose right away.

“I was just gonna leave them on the doorstep and call you to tell you they were there, but I wanted to see you.”

His adam's apple bobs as he swallows the dryness in his throat. Youre too good for him. 

“Thank you very much.” He presses a kiss to your damp hair. “Now, lets get you into some dry clothes.”

Joel gives you a t-shirt and a pair of his boxers to keep you modest while your clothes wash and dry. 

You wait patiently on his bed for the hot chocolate he promised you before you showered. Theres nothing to watch on the tv, so you just turn it off and reach for the lamp on his nightstand instead. 

He comes in quietly, and sets the mug down beside the lamp. You finally come into focus, clear as day even under the low lighting.

“You uh.. You look nice.”

You blink. “I look nice?”

“In my shirt.”

That gets a smile out of you. 

Joel tips his head towards the mug. “S’hot so, give it a few minutes. Dont want you burnin’ your mouth.”

You nod. “Okay.”

Hes sat beside you now and the two of you sit in silence for a while. Its not awkward, just the kind of silence where both of you want to say something but just.. Cant.

Joel unravels first. “Missed you, y’know. Just been tired.”

“I know.” Your voice wobbles, and Joels jaw tightens like hearing you sound so sad stings him. “I missed you, too.” 

He slides his hand over yours, giving it a squeeze. Its okay. 

“Hey Joel...Can I stay the night?” 

“Sure. Id really like that.”

While you drink your hot chocolate, you and Joel catch up. You both talk about work, and about your new found interest in baking. Joel teases you about your lack of cooking skills, you do the same. Youre both useless. 

When its time to climb into bed, neither of you can actually fall asleep. Joel rolls onto his side, away from you and the window. You follow, curling up like a little cat against his back. The sensation is nice for the both of you.

You speak up after a little while.

“Joel?”

“Mm.”

“Thank you for letting me stay.”

He scoffs, voice thick with exhaustion. “Like I'd force you to leave after you brought me such a nice present.”

You let out a little giggle, “So if i didnt, youd kick me out?”

“Id think ‘bout it.”

You gasp, gently shoving at his back. “Thats mean…!”

“S’really not.”

“Oh yeah? And what if I poisoned them?.”

“Then itd jus' be a regular day of your cookin’ then.” Joel reminds you, lighthearted. Too many times where you left the shells in your eggs or burnt toast or left the bacon on the pan for too long.

“You cant get mad at me for my dark past when you made a perfectly good sirloin taste like horse leather.”

“Ugh. Dont remind me. That was like putting a one-hundred dollar bill into a paper shredder. How do either of us stay alive again?”

“Uh. Digiorno?”

“Digiorno.”

After a few moments, Joels rolling over again, and hes guiding your head to settle against his chest. Your arms wrap around him, and his arms around you. 

“Joel,” You whisper. He hums. “Im cold.”

“S’cause youre not wearin’ any pants.”

“And whos fault is that?”

“Still yours.”

“I was left out in the rain like a sad, sopping wet cat. One that was left in a box all alone with no family…” You pretend to sniffle. “Dont you feel bad for me?”

Joel sighs, not saying anything more except making sure the part of the comforter behind your back is tucked into your side so the cold air doesnt get in. When hes done, you do a little shimmy up his body, and throw your leg over his hip. Oh no.

Hes alert now. Very alert. Be normal. Joel hesitates, licking the dryness off his lips. “Uh. Feel better?”

“Mhm.” You push your face into his throat, cat-like, before settling down again. Hes like a radiator.

Actually scratch that, he cant be normal. 

“Darlin’.” He rasps, patting your back to get your attention.

“Mm?”

“Your leg. Move it.”

A few beats pass. “Why?”

“Because…” Wow,  he didnt think hed get this far. You shift forward and Joel lets out a quiet exhale through his nose, one that couldve been masked by the rain if you werent so close.

“Are you-”

“No! No. Its- Its not what you think-” He cant see your face in the darkness but he knows you feel the semi-hard struggling through the confines of his pants. Lame.

“Joel,” You say, soft. Your hands slide up his arm to cradle his jaw. Lightning flashes into the room, giving you a glimpse of Joels tight expression. He whispers your name back, just as soft.

“This is normal.” 

Its normal, it is! Except for the fact that you guys havent had sex yet. The stress of being intimate is too much, kills his boner in a blink. The longer he waits the worse the anxiety gets.

“I-I know.”

You place a hand on his chest, feeling it pound away like crazy through all the soft muscle.  

“Youve been taking your medication, right?”

Has he?

The silence of him thinking is proof enough. “Joel-”

He sighs, rubbing his eyes through the darkness .“I know, I know. Shoot, Im sorry. I just forget sometimes.”

“Its okay.” The pad of your thumb strokes the tops of his cheek, and you press a tender kiss to his mouth to soothe him.  “...Want me to remind you?”

The softness of your lips has him a bit dazed. “Huh?”

“I said, do you want me to remind you? I can- You know, call you before you leave work. Make sure you take them.”

“You know I wake up at five-o-clock in the mornin’ , right?”

“I know.” 

In a whisper, “Okay.”

Joels rough palms trail down your back and stop at the curve of your butt, finger tips delicately tracing the skin above your shorts. You shiver.

Barely above a whisper. “We dont have to go all the way.”

He says your name again, laced with worry. He doesnt want you to feel pressured. 

You pull your leg off his hip and push yourself up, settling your hands on either side of Joels head.

“Can I tell you something?”

“Yes-”

“-And you cant get all in your head about it. You stay here, with me. You stay present.”

“Okay, okay.” He nods, a bit defeated. “I will stay present.”

“When you...When you say you dont wanna have sex, what is it that youre thinking exactly? I know you said you just get really nervous but I feel like youre not being totally honest.”

Joel stays quiet, idly rubbing your sides. Maybe you are a cat. Just getting to feel any part of you is soothing. “I jus’ want you to feel good. ‘Fraid ill do somethin’ you dont like.”

“You cant assume how I feel, Joel. Being intimate.. It takes time to learn what the other person likes.”

He sighs. “I know.” Youre always right.

Adding on, “Like I said, we dont have to go all the way,” You lean further back, situating yourself on his hips. He lets out a shaky breath when he feels the pressure of your ass through his sweats.

“But, I want to start somewhere. I want to feel you.” 

“Fuck- Um-” Hes shaking now, letting you grind your hips down onto him. Joel cant seem to control the way his hips instinctively push up to meet yours. Youre both becoming of a mess of little gasps and hot breaths and tiny whimpers already.

You hunch forward, guiding his hand under your your shirt- His shirt- letting him feel up the supple skin of your stomach, then the area where your ribs are, then your-

“And I want you to feel me,”

Surprisingly, you did actually go all the way that night.

Your sex life was a bit of a rocky start, but after Joel got over most of his anxiety, you learned quickly just how goddamn insatiable he was. Five years in and he still regularly makes you sore. 

There are a couple things you learned about him and his sexual interests. He loves to take you in his truck, in your kitchen, in your bathroom, on your couch. Other, riskier places. Anywhere that isnt your bed apparently, not that he isnt fucking you there either.

Joel is handsy, so handsy infact it embarasses you to no end, especially when youre infront of others. Thats usually how it starts, too. First he kisses you, then gropes your hips and your ass, and the next thing you know, youre cumming on his fingers. Then hed bend you over, or get you on your back, or make you ride him. Is it really riding if hes just slamming up into you until your brain turns into mush?

He likes that too. Making you not think.

Youd be lying if you said its only ever him. Sleepy morning handjobs before work, whining to him over the phone and touching yourself to his voice, arching your back into him while you're washing dishes, sucking him off after hours in his office.

And while most men prefer lingerie or little costumes, Joel likes dresses. Dresses that are discreet so he can take you in the backyard when he comes home early and sees you gardening. Or when youre both at a friends house and hes had a little too much to drink and finds himself alone with you. Dresses that make it easy to play his favorite game with you. I touch you, and you make sure we dont get caught by being too loud. Joel really is the worst sometimes.

Now, you only ever wear pants when its cold, or to bed or sometimes when youre lounging, like today. Youre in some shorts and a tank top. Otherwise, its dresses all year round, usually retro styles or ones meant for spring. Joels not picky though, he loves any dress on you.

Even if you wear an extremely modest, white lacey sleep dress, looking like some kind of vintage ghost, the man would still keep you up all night. And he has. He said you looked like a princess. You guess you kind of did.

The entire thing is like an unspoken arrangement between you both. He doesnt tell you to wear them, you just do.

And he works hard to spoil you, so why not buy as many cute dresses as possible? 

You got a cute dress today too, on the same day Joel has off. You think its going to be a new favorite of his.

The big polymailer stays hidden behind your back. Be casual. “Uh- Nothing!”

“Nothin’?”

“Mhm.”

“Whats behind your back then?”

You sway in place, trying to suppress a knowing smile. “I dont have anything behind my back.”

“Lemme see then. Show me your hands-”

“Hey, Mrs. Miller!”

Both you and Joel turn your heads to the voice, and only one of you has the energy to fake a a smile. Your neighbor is stopping in his driveway, having come back from a jog it looks.

“Hi, Lee.” 

Joel really, really, really doesnt like Lee. You dont like him either, but youre not one to cause problems. Lee on the other hand, is. Hes a bit younger than you, and a lot younger than Joel. Hes one of those tech dudes with a massive ego, thinks that youll be swayed by his money and his “charm” and youth as if youre some sad housewife in need of saving. Gross. 

And another thing, Lee doesnt even actually live here! Hes here ever so often to visit his dad between, you dont know, tech expos? You forget. Joel believes he started showing up more often to see you. 

Youre walking towards the porch again. Joels looking especially unhappy to see him today, knuckles pulled taut into a fist. His lips stay pressed into a thin line, careful not to let anything slip out. He usually lets you do most of the talking, as much as it pains him. 

Joels really not a fan of the way Lees eyes take a trip up your bare legs. Little shit.

“Out with no shoes again, Mrs. Miller?”

“You know me, Im uh- Im weird.”

“The weird ones do it best.” He smiles, all teeth. It gives you the creeps. His attention is on Joel now. Its like watching a puppy try to one up a wolf. “Right, Joel?”

“Uh huh.” Whatever that means.

“Actually, I've been meaning to ask you something, Mrs. Miller.” Lee crosses into your driveway and you glance briefly at Joel, as if to make sure he isnt going to start growling at the other to stay away. Youre clutching the package to your chest now. 

“Have you ever been to a support group for uh- you know, the spouses of addicts?  I have a friend from work and shes really struggling.” 

Lees tone is sugary sweet, but the fake kind you put in diet soda except that stuff is way better. Joel sighs from the door. You stand there, dumbfounded on the porch steps because what the fuck is he going on about. 

You clear your throat, keeping your voice firm. “No. Ive never needed to.”  

Joels voice cuts in like a knife. “Been clean for almost twenty years now.”

“Yeah but, you know,” He shrugs, squinting a bit under the morning sun. “Relapses happen.”

Joel and Lee are at a stand still, and the moment Joel lets the arm leaning on the frame drop to his side, you know youre in for a lot of trouble. You move quickly towards the door. “We have to get ready for a- uh- a thing? but Im sorry about your friend.”

“Thank you, Mrs. Miller. Im doing my best to support her.” And before he turns away, he just has to be slimy to you. “If you need someone to talk to, Im here for you.”

“No, that really wont be necess-”

Joels slinging a strong arm around you to yank you back inside before shutting the door. 

“Motherfucker,” He hisses to himself, stomping through the walkway and into the kitchen.

“How-” You rub your eyes, letting them adjust to the light inside of the house. You put the package down onto the bar counter that opens up the kitchen and follow Joel to the fridge. “How does he know?? I thought-”

“Been living in this house for decades now,” His expression is tight, brows knitted together while he chugs a bottle of water. “People talk. ‘Specially if I'm being rolled into an ambulance on more than one occasion.” Joel frowns. “Fuck- I shoulda punched him in the fuckin’ face- Do you see how hard he tries so hard to flirt with you infront’a me?”

“I know, love. I was there.” You take the bottle from his hand and set it to the side, then wrap your arms around him. “Try not to let it get to you okay?”

Joel sighs into your hair, giving your body a squeeze. “I know, I know, but jus’ hearin’ him tryin’ta use my baggage to make a pass at you…S’fuckin’ evil.”

“I agree, but I dont want his blood on the driveway.”

“So get it on his driveway instead, got it.”

You giggle and tip your head up to kiss him. The tension eases from Joels shoulders, and he cups your cheeks, letting his worries melt away into your mouth. When the pads of his fingers start to slide under your tank top, youre leaning back. Youll be here for a while if this goes any further.

Joel mindlessly chases your lips, looking a bit pouty now that its over.

“Im gonna start getting ready for the barbecue, okay?”

“This early?”

“I like being punctual.” 

“My brother wont give a damn if were late.” He noses your jaw, pressing a kiss here and there. Your knees are beginning to feel weak. The bastard is trying to distract you.

“But I do. The farmers market opened today, and I promised Maria I'd get her fresh strawberries before we got there, remember?”

“Alright, alright.” He grumbles into your shoulder.

Joel lets you go, watching you round the bar counter to get your package and disappear upstairs.

-

Ever since you came down to a freshly showered Joel, and got into the car with the gift bags you prepared for Maria and Tommy, Hes been staring at you. One wrong move and the drools gonna start pouring out of his mouth.

Your hair is in its relatively natural state, freshly washed and shiny from the oil you put in it. You put on some light makeup, and went a bit heavy handed on the blush to look sunkissed, and topped it off with a flavored lip gloss Joel especially enjoys. 

Now, the dress. Its a pink floral mid-length dress, with a low cut sweetheart neckline and a corset style backing to cinch your waist and push out your chest. The material is thick and pretty, and there are two other layers under the skirt to keep its shape. You have on a pair of little pink pumps with little bows to match. 

The drive to the farmers market is fairly peaceful, the windows are half down and theres music playing at low volume on the radio. You and Joel have different tastes in music, but one genre you can always agree on is alternative rock. 

The weathers beautiful, sun high in the sky, and its not too hot or humid. The day really is perfect. Youre gonna soak up some sun when youre at the barbecue. Hopefully, they made lemonade again too.

Joel has been mostly quiet throughout your shopping. While it would worry some, youve been with him long enough to know that he just has a lot on his mind. What hes thinking about? Maybe youll learn when you make it back home at the end of the day.

You gasp, strolling through the grass to a stand with a mountain of apples. Granny smith, Macintosh, Pink Ladys, Honeycrisp, the works. He grunts, trying to keep the things that are already in your basket steady. You came for strawberries and are going to leave with much more than that.

Joel nudges you softly. “Remember, this is quality stuff, meaning itll go bad faster. Dont get too much.”

“Okay, got it.” You beam, and then begin inspecting the Pink Lady apples first, trying to find the ones with the best color.  He keeps the basket within reach so you can drop your picks in.

"These were Sarahs favorites."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah, it was funny 'cause we started arguin' over these or Red Delicious. I think Red Delicious is better."

"Thats so cute! Hmm. Should we get one for her? A Pink Lady?"

"Uh," He thinks on it for a moment, unsure, but the smile on your face helps him make a decision. "Sure, why not."

You drop two perfect Pink Ladys into the basket, moving onto the next pile.

“Hey, Joel.” You grin, holding out a wrinkled granny smith apple. “This one looks like you”

“Ha ha.” He deadpans, and grabs it from you to put back. In turn, hes reaching for the runt of the pile. A pathetically small one sitting near the bottom. “Now this one looks like you.”

“Does not!”

“Does too.” 

The next stand has golden kiwis, and youre practically dragging Joel forward to try them. You ask for one, and the man at the stand slices it into halves, giving you a plastic spoon to go with. 

You let Joel smell it first. “S’good.”

“Lets see if it tastes good.”

You sink your spoon into it, humming when you see how soft and easy it is to scoop out. In your mouth it goes!

Its tastes sweet, a bit mango-y and fucking delicious. You bounce in place, spoon feeding Joel next. “Oh yeah,” He smiles, smacking his lips a bit to really let the taste settle on his tongue. “Were takin’ some of these.”

You take one, then two, then three and four then five and as you reach for the sixth one, Joels stopping you with a gentle hand. 

“Darlin’.” 

“Right.” 

For the next few stands its just you and Joel trying various kinds of fruit. Starfruit, blueberries, some mangos, and then youre going back to the truck.

“I think my favorites were the mangos and golden kiwis. I hope Maria and Tommy have enough space in their fridge for all of this.”

“They moved into a bigger house, I reckon their fridge s’probably bigger, too.”

“What time is it?” 

You let go of Joels arm so he can switch the basket from one hand to the other. 

“‘Bout…” Hes squinting at his watch. “12:34 in the afternoon.”

“Oh! Guess we got the shopping done sooner than I expected. Hmm. Should we stop somewhere in the mean time?-" You snap your finger when you remember something. "They opened up this cafe that has cats in it! We can drink coffee and play with them for bit! The next fourty-five minutes will go by super fast."

“Youre gonna make Cement jealous.”

You bat your hand dismissively. “Hes not gonna caaare.” 

“Oh yes he will. And remind me again why we named our cat Cement?

“Uh, we were both drunk and had gotten him the day before without a name picked out?”

“A whole year later and we still kept it. Worst pet owners ever.” Joel chuckles, opening the passenger door for you like he always does. 

“Thank you.”

“Mhm.”

The giant basket of fruit goes into the back seat next to the gift bags before Joel slots himself into the drivers seat. 

You fumble with the radio a bit, trying to see what else is on but ultimately landing back on your preferred station. Theyve been playing a lot of Linkin Park recently. Hell yeah. Joel buckles himself in at last, and pulls out of the parking lot. 

“Marias gonna teach me how to make baked chicken,” You hum, gazing outside the window.

“You sure youre not jus’ unteachable?”

“Ha ha,” You lightly shove his shoulder, making him smile. “I thought you loved the meat sauce pasta I learned how to make.”

He settles into his seat more comfortably at the stop light, elbow rested on the window. “Got me with that one. Think I like ground turkey over beef, though.”

“Yeah? Me too. The beef tastes better but the turkey is lighter. Stops me from feeling all sick.”

“Agreed.”

Youre looking out the windshield now. Where did all the buildings go? Youre out of the city. 

“Uh, Joel?”

“Mm?”

“Where are we going?”

“Somewhere to kill time.”

“Yeah but where?”

“Youll see.” 

Your brows pinch together. “I see a whole lot of nothing except for trees."

“Almost there.”

Joel makes a hasty left turn onto some campgrounds. Your stomach starts to twist into excited knots. Is he gonna show you a baby deer or something? Bunnies? He used to be a park ranger for this area, and would tell you stories about all sorts of baby animals hed run into.

The car comes to a stop, and he turns the engine off. Silence.

“So…Were out in the woods to kill time?”

“Mhm.” Joel unbuckles his seat belt and twists into the back to grab the spare jacket he usually keeps there, then gets out of the truck and comes around the back to open the door for you. 

He holds your hand to help you get down from the passenger side, and as soon as both of your shoes hit the ground Joel is on you. 

You dont know where your hands should go, youve kissed Joel a thousand times and yet you still get so flustered when he catches you by surprise. You keep your hands on his shoulders for now, letting him press wet kisses to your neck and shoulder.

“This is new right? The dress?” He gives your ass an appreciative squeeze through the fabric. “Thought you looked so pretty when you came down stairs in it.” 

Your heads spinning. Something about your dress? 

“Woulda been okay if you let me have you earlier.” He pulls away, examining your flushed face cradled by his hand. Every part of you just fits so well in his palms. “Then I thought, why not have you now? We got time to spare.”

“Joel- We- Someone could see us-” You sputter, and Joels already shaking his head with a knowing smirk. He pulls you around to the bed of the truck, popping it open, only pausing to spread open the jacket he grabbed, just having just thrown it in there when he came around to get you.

“No ones gonna come lookin’ for us.” He turns you around, pushing you down onto your front. “As long as youre quiet.” 

Fuck. You really hate this game. At least, you like to tell yourself that.

Blood rushes to your ears while Joels rough palms lift up the skirt of your dress, exposing your ass and thighs to the cool air. He whistles from behind you. 

“Red lace panties?” His fingers dont shy away from tracing along the fabric covering your cunt. “This new too?”

You crane your neck over your shoulder to look at his face. “Uh.. Surprise?”

Joels smiling now, fingers dipping under the lace. “Thas' awfully sweet of you.”

His touch slips and slides around your growing wetness, then trails down to your clit. Your voice wobbles a bit and fuck- fuck hes going too fast. “Joel- Ah-” You whimper and try to push yourself up to look at him but his hand is steady on your spine, keeping you down. 

Smug, “Go on, sweetheart. Keep sayin’ my name. Jus’ like that.”

A whine escapes you when he pulls away, “Nooo.” You push your ass back, as if to entice him. You succeed, because hes skipped his usual routine of fucking you with his hands and is now unbuckling his belt.

Joel rolls you onto your back, and peels your underwear all the way off, bunching it up and shoving it into his back pocket. Your face burns just watching him.

“Think i'll hold onto these for a lil’ while.”

His hands push the back of your knees towards your chest, exposing your heat. Youll never get used to the way he just seems so interested just watching your cunt squeeze around nothing. 

“Thats-” You swallow, pushing yourself up onto your elbows. "Joel.”

“Relax." He coos, "Seen it a thousand times already, and ill be seein' it a thousand more. Get used to it, honey.”

Your attention flickers down to where his dick is about to meet your entrance. Joels nudging you down onto your back again and pulling the top of your dress down to expose your chest. Its when youre distracted that he actually moves to push himself in.

Both of you groan together, and Joel could never get bored of fucking you, not when your cunt just pulses around him everytime hes inside you.

Joel wastes no time fucking you once he eases all the way inside. Youre trying your best to keep quiet. Shit is no easy task. Its like Joel is trying to get you guys arrested.

He props himself up with a hand near your head, and lets the other keep one of your legs pinned open. The moans start to claw out of your throat. “Joel- Joel-” 

“Shh. Thas’ enough.” He growls through his teeth, fucking you harder. “Youre gonna- Gh- Get us caught-”

Something rustles between the trees, making you both freeze. You clasp your hands over your mouth, watching Joel straighten up to look around.

After a few seconds of squinting, Joel can see a few foxes moving about through the trees. Thank fuck. His shoulders visibly relax.

Hushed, “E-Everything okay?”

“Yeah, jus’ some animals.” 

And like that, hes back to it. His dick is going to make your eyes permanently stay rolled into your head. 

Joel is always just so handsome when hes pounding into you. His forehead gets shiny with sweat, and his jaw is tight from clenching his teeth, keeping himself quiet so he can focus on your moans. His face is noticeably redder against his usual farmers tan too. Really, hes just so attractive.

A flurry of yes and harder and fuck spills out of your mouth and into your palms. Not too loud, you try to remind yourself.

“Joel- S’too much-”

“Nah, thas’ not it.” He huffs, humorous. “You can take it. Y'always do. In fact, you love gettin’ your cunt bullied by me, aint that right?” As if to get his point across, he thrust in all the way to the hilt, making you keen. You forgot how to breathe, lungs drawing tight in your chest.

"Fuck," You manage to squeeze out.

Your palms push weakly at his shoulders, trying to ground yourself somehow. His head drops to the junction of your neck and shoulder, inhaling deeply.

“You good?” He checks in, breath hot on your skin. As if your crying isnt enough.

“So g-good, Joel- Fuck- Youre so good.” 

With a little nod, Joels pushing himself up, switching to slow and deep strokes, really digging himself into you, and trying to find that spot he likes to call home.

He massages your chest, then squeezes your sides and your hips and finally, his thumb finds your clit. Immediately, you jolt. 

“Oh fuck-” 

“Quiet.” And he says it to keep the charade going, even though his favorite thing is hearing your sobs.

His thumb rubbing incessantly against your that sweet little nub of yours. You choke, and Joels chuckling, watching the way you squirm, body not knowing whether it should lean into his touch because its too good or away because its too much.

It starts with this firey feeling under the pad of his thumb, then deep inside your stuffed cunt. Youre going to cum. 

Your hands fly to your mouth again, and you get all wide eyed from the sensation. Its cute. Your muscles pull taut, legs locking around Joels hips. Youre wailing into your palm when it happens.

“Good girl,” His voice soothes you through it. “Very good.”

He pets away the fly aways sticking to your sweaty face when its over. Your eyes drop shut while you catch your breath. 

Joels moving again now. He rolls his hips a few times, and thumb is building the foundation of another orgasm in you. Youre shaking badly.

Your words slur too, “Cant- Too soon- Joel- Joel-”

“Another one.” Joel says firmly, but breathless. 

Youre gasping, not sure where to focus your eyes. The trees around you look like theyre spinning. Your attention is back on Joel, whos looking rather satisfied watching you squirm and cry. If thats how wants to play, then fine.

Your hands slide up Joels biceps, and rests on the nap of his neck to bring him down. “Juh-Joel,” You pant, cradling his face with both hands. “Youre so good- The best-”

Oh, Joel likes that one, you can tell by the way he looks away briefly. Shyness. Excitement runs up your spine. Joel loves being told hes doing well. 

“You are- Nghh-” You swallow the drool in your mouth, trying to get the words out clearly. “The best husband I could ever ask for.”

Joel wheezes, head dropping into the curve of your shoulder. “Please.”

“S’true,” You nod rapidly, fingers curling into his hair. “Youre so good to me and-and youre mine and- Joel-  Im yours.”

“Jesus-” He groans, soaking up the feeling of you pressing kisses to his face and up his jaw. 

“Hhah-  No one else can have me, okay? No one- Not even-”

The name doesnt even come out of your mouth before Joels coming to a stop to slip his arms all the way around your middle. With the new leverage he has on your body, hes drilling his way into you. You fucking squeal, rules now long forgotten. Youre a useless ragdoll in his arms and he wouldnt have it any other way.

Your lips are shiny with spit and left over lip gloss, and he can still taste the mintiness in his tongue. Every now and again your eyes drop shut, but his dick just punches into your guts a little harder. Look at me. 

Your brain is mush, just the way he likes it, and youre perfectly pliant in his arms, babbling over how good you feel. Hes kisses along the valley of your breasts now, stopping to suck the flesh of your nipples.

Youre just so pretty. Even when you have bedhead, or youre snotty from a cold, or youre all dirty from working in the garden  youre still so pretty. Including now, all sweaty with you lipgloss all smudged and your mascara starting to run. Youre perfect. 

Joel grunts loud, jaw clenched tight as he gets lost in the feeling of your insides. His perfect little wife.

When he cums, hes doubling over with a loud grunt, getting a few last thrusts in before his spent floods your cunt.

Youre blinking away your tears, now watching the clouds inch along the sky. It really is a beautiful day. You pet Joels sweaty hair, and kiss the side of his temple. Your core throbs faintly. Jesus, he did a number on you.

“Love,” You say softly, patting his back.

“Mm?”

“Get up.” Another pat. “Youre squishing me.” 

Joel backs off to buckle himself up, but you stay seated to catch your breath and adjust your dress. At least it didnt get ripped during all the… Commotion. Not like last time.

“I need my underwear back.”

“Nope,”

“Joel.”

He kisses the center of your forehead and helps you down from the bed and into the passenger seat instead.  “Told you i'm keepin’ ‘em.”

You sputter, “I cant go to barbecue commando!”

“Sure you can.” He pops open the glove compartment and gets out some tissues, hand snaking under your dress again to clean you. You sigh softly at the sensation.

“Youre the worst.”

“I am indeed the worst.” Joel pulls the seatbelt over your chest and clicks it in. “You can tell me all about it on the way to Tommys.” 

[foodiegoogie]

what friends are for

sirius black x fem!reader ✮ 3.95k summary: you’re an overthinker at its finest; sirius is an overdoer when it comes to saving you from you and your thoughts. cw/tags: no use of y/n, highschool!au, biker!sirius (mentioned), too long for its own good,, nothing too heavy <3 also the teachers r still called professors here bcoz yes !

note: DAMN FINALLY ive finished this 😭 tho its still a little too long for my taste .. i am kinda proud of this :> this was a recycled thoma request, but since i kind of serve to the marauders audience now,, i decided to give it to sirius 🥰 happy reading! 🫶🏼

Having an overly active brain was both a blessing, and a curse. You loved your creativity and intelligence, and they definitely showed in your report cards. What you didn't like was how often you thought about simple, small matters, and then thought about it some more, and then some more after that. You were an overthinker at its finest. Everyone who knew you well enough would agree that you were a non-stop thinking machine, and they all hoped you would cut yourself some slack and give yourself a break.

“That’s easier said than done,” you’d say to them. Oh, what you wouldn't give to stop being a self-sufficient, but also self-pitying brainiac! 

But, as they all say, old habits die hard. That is why here you are, in class, watching your teacher collect your test papers and slowly getting into the routine of asking yourself the questions—the what-ifs, did-Is, and the like. 

You were bouncing your leg up and down restlessly while chewing on your bottom lip, looking very deep in thought, when you felt something hit your head lightly. A crumpled ball of paper landed in your point of view, breaking you out of the trance from overthinking. Picking it up, you opened it and smoothed it out to see what was written inside. 

You look like you just murdered someone and are now burdened by your guilty conscience.

Despite your sour mood, you managed to let out a snort and a soft smile after reading the line. You could recognize the flawlessly cursive handwriting anywhere; it belonged to your good friend, Sirius Black. And knowing him, you knew better than to come up with a snarky reply and retaliate. Getting caught chit chatting with someone like him during class hours could land you in detention, especially now that the teacher inside your classroom was the one and only Physics Terror, Professor McGonagall.

So, you crumple the piece of paper back into its ball shape, and stuff it into your backpack. A few seconds later, you feel something hit your head again. The culprit? Yet another crumpled ball of paper, now sitting on your desk. Letting curiosity get the best of you, you open it up and read what's written.

Ok, rude? Guess you can forget about getting my help cuz I know a good place to bury a body :)

Softly chuckling to yourself, you shook your head and wondered why you were even friends with someone as bizarre as Sirius while you put the crumpled paper in your bag. For a while, you didn’t feel anything light hit your head like you expected. But just as you were about to spiral into another endless stream of self-doubt, you were hit again with a crumpled ball of paper. 

Slowly, you turned around in your seat to glare at Sirius. You meet his eyes doing the same thing, and then gesturing impatiently at you to open the piece of paper he just threw at you. You stuck your tongue out at him out of spite before finally opening the piece of paper.

Y R U NOT TAKING ME SERIOUSLY?!

The sentence was written in bold black letters, underlined a bunch of times, and the punctuation marks at the end were twice the size of the letters. Having read the ridiculous note, you let out what might have been the loudest cackle you have ever let out in your highschool life.

You hear your name called out loudly by Professor McGonagall, in a stern tone that could only mean one thing for you. It felt absolutely mortifying to have your classmates' eyes on you, seeing their pity and amusement appear on their faces. 

"You'll be seeing Mr. Filch for detention after class," She said, zeroing in on you with her piercing glare. If looks could kill, you'd have been dead in your seat by now, and Sirius could use his knowledge of good places to bury dead bodies so he could bury yours. "I hope you'll learn your lesson in your time with him." 

"I will, Professor," You replied, the embarrassment reflecting in your voice.  Great—not only were you unsure about your grade for this class, but now you had one more thing to be worried about, as well as overthink about.

Unable to take on your classmates’ pitying looks on you, you crossed your arms on your desk and laid your head down against them, hiding your face from the prying eyes of your classmates. You could not handle any more humiliations. But you also thought that nothing could possibly be worse than the situation you put yourself in.

Then, you were proven wrong.

All of a sudden, you heard your classmates murmuring around you. Lifting your head up to see what was going on, you saw a paper plane glide smoothly through the air before it landed perfectly on the stack of test papers Professor McGonagall was currently grading. 

To some of your classmates, what happened afterward took less than a minute. But to the rest, including yourself, it seemed like eternity with how carefully Professor McGonagall dropped her pen, and took off her glasses. She picked up the paper plane and opened it up, narrowing her eyes at whatever was written inside. Unfortunately, none of you ever knew what was written inside. But you all knew that it wasn't any good, judging by the twitch in her eye and the frown on her face.

"Who does this belong to?" She asked, her displeasure clearly heard in her voice and seen in the glare she gives everyone in the room. A beat passes, and suddenly everyone is pointing fingers to someone sitting at the back of the classroom. 

Though you had a hunch on who it was they were pointing at, you hoped that you were wrong; that it turned out to be some other classmate of yours who had rotten luck just like you. Then, you were proven wrong… again.

You turned around in your seat just in time to meet the mischievous eyes of your raven-haired friend. He even took the time to throw you a playful wink before clearing his throat dramatically. 

"Good morning, Professor,” Sirius began, his hand closed in a fist like it was holding something near his mouth. “This is your captain speaking. It seems like my aeroplane experienced turbulence and crashed in your area. Terribly sorry, rookie mistake! Rest assured that I'll comply with whatever punishment you subject me to for the matter." 

"In that case, good, because you'll be serving detention alongside your classmate here," Professor McGonagall nods in your direction. "I hope you'll both learn something about rudely disrupting the peace and quiet during class hours with unnecessary distractions." She smiled, although anyone could tell it wasn't to be kind. Then, she returned to her previously interrupted task of grading test papers.

Rolling your eyes, you sighed. Of course, he'd get himself into trouble, you thought. You turned to look at him, catching his attention, and mouthed the words, "What'd you do that for?"

Sirius shrugged in reply, a cheeky smile on his face before mouthing the word, "You."

—

Genuinely, you have always wondered how you managed to land yourself a place in Sirius’ life as one of his closest friends. It was one of the things you’ve thought about over and over, but have never really gotten to the bottom of. Nevertheless, you will always be grateful for having a friend like him, even if he does give you a headache sometimes.

It turns out that serving detention wasn’t as bad as you expected it to be, having been assigned under Mr. Filch’s orders of tending to the flora and fauna stored in the school greenhouses. In fact, you were actually kind of enjoying it, and Sirius being with you totally wasn’t a part of the reason why. 

“You know, this actually isn’t so bad,” He remarked, spraying the lavenders with some water, a faint smile on his face. “I thought we’d be somewhere organizing Sprout’s herb collection or something.”

You laugh at his statement, “Not gonna lie, I expected something boring, too. But this is pretty nice.” You beamed at him, looking away from where you’d been adjusting potted plants accordingly where the sunlight was hitting. 

“Who knew we’d be so good at gardening?” 

“I know, right?” 

Sirius chuckled in reply, and you joined in with him, taking the time to look at him before returning to your task. He looked especially handsome whenever he laughed; eyes crinkled by the edges with amusement, his pearly whites on perfect display as he smiled. It also certainly didn’t help that on top of the black leather jacket he wore, he was wearing an apron, and a bandana tied around his hair which pushed it back to act as a headband, revealing his forehead which glistened with a thin layer of sweat. 

Sirius Black looked ridiculously handsome, and you didn’t need to think twice about that, because it was a well-known fact.

At that moment, you were so caught up in staring at him that Sirius caught you in action. It was already too late to look away and feign indifference for you as a smirk had started to make its way onto his face.

“Take a picture, it’ll last longer,” He practically purred, his voice taking on a deeper, more flirtatious tone than usual. Your brain loses its ability to function momentarily before you quickly wracked your mind for a snarky retort. 

“How original,” You quipped, trying to hide your momentary lapse in brain function at his unexpected tone. Sirius lets you get away with it, hiding a subtle smile of amusement to himself. 

Turning back to a pot of chrysanthemums you’d neglected briefly, you decide to change the topic. “So I was just wondering,” You began, a curious lilt to your voice. “What’d you write on that paper plane you flew to Professor McGonagall?” You queried as you turned to face him again, placing your hand on your hip.

“Oh, psh, that old thing?” Sirius waved it off dismissively as he wrapped up with his task of watering the flowers. “Just a little piece of an opinion I’ve been meaning to tell her.” 

“And just what was it you were meaning to tell her?” 

Before he answered your question, he took the time to take his bandana off, wiping the sweat off his forehead with it. Then, he fixed his hair - running a hand through it and ruffling it up slightly. Inwardly, you had to admit, you almost forgot what you were talking about as you shamelessly watched him be… hot; and like he knew the effect it had on you—which he most likely did—he smirked at you. Again. 

“I told her that dogs were better than cats,” Sirius smiled wickedly. 

You gasped in horror. “No, you did not.” 

“Oh, yes I did,” He said as-a-matter-of-factly.

“You know how she feels about cats, Sirius!” 

“Precisely the point, darling.”

To some, it would seem like something off of a controversial debate, like if pineapples belong on pizza for example. But to everyone who really knew Professor McGonagall well, saying things like that was just a recipe for disaster—with disaster meaning serving detention, of course.

“No wonder you ended up here,” You shook your head in disbelief at him. 

“Buuut, like I said, it’s not so bad here,” Sirius opposed, untying his apron from the back and behind his neck. “Plus, I’ve got good company.” He winked at you before hanging the apron on one of the hooks attached to the wall of the greenhouse.

You didn’t— no, couldn’t reply to him, seeing how you were caught off guard with what he said. But it wasn’t like Sirius wasn’t good company for you, no. There was never a dull moment with him by your side. In fact, if it were someone else you were stuck with in detention, you wouldn’t have agreed with him earlier that serving it wasn’t so bad. And frankly speaking, if serving detention just meant extra time to hang out with Sirius Black, then you wouldn’t mind disrupting the peace and quiet of class hours every now and then.

Though that would certainly look bad on your report cards, so you mentally chastise yourself for even entertaining the thought. But you couldn’t deny that there was some truth behind it, at least. Or more than some.

“Let me walk you home?” Sirius asked as he regarded you with a certain gentleness in his grey eyes. You felt like melting on the spot, right then and there, as he lingered by the doorway to the greenhouse, waiting for your answer. 

But you managed to pull yourself together, and smiled at him. “Sure.”

—

On some days, you would have just taken the school bus home, and Sirius would have just gone on his motorbike. Though in the past, he’d asked you countless times if he could give you a ride home, of course, because it was quicker and more cost-efficient than taking the public transport. But with the way your face blanched at his offering, and the way you kept spewing facts upon facts about how motorbike riding was dangerous (Sirius tried to reassure you that it wasn’t for very obvious reasons), he settled for walking you home instead. 

While that had quickly become an almost regular occurrence for the both of you, Sirius always made sure to ask you first, despite the fact that he would have to go back for his motorbike parked at the school after. Knowing this, you tried very hard to kindly refuse him at first. But over time, you found yourself saying yes without a second thought.

At the same time, you refrain yourself from giving it much thought. It was simply a kind gesture from a really good friend of yours, and that was that. 

A devilishly handsome, fiercely loyal, and incredibly caring… friend of yours. 

Walking home with Sirius never fails to make you feel better after a long day at school. The both of you are instantly engaged in meaningful conversation, debriefing the events that occurred during the day. You like to think it’s a mandatory routine by how often you do it, how often it happens, and how natural it feels. It’s definitely one of, or maybe the best way to de-stress and relax after spending a whole day just studying and working. 

If only he could keep the teasing to a minimum, though. 

“I’m just saying, you know,” Sirius said, shrugging nonchalantly as he walked beside you. “You didn’t have to laugh that hard.” 

You scoff in disbelief, the sarcastic reply bubbling up in your throat. “Oh, I’m sorry. I thought you liked it whenever I laugh at your jokes?” 

“Never said I didn’t, love,” He responded, voice softening at the term of endearment used. “But you could’ve been saved from Minnie’s wrath if you hadn’t done that evil cackle of yours that you call a ‘laugh.’” Sirius chuckled slightly as he spoke, reminding you both of your embarrassment. 

“Okay, first of all, rude,” You shot him a half-hearted glare, a smile threatening to come alive on your lips. “And second of all, it’s your fault that I accidentally laughed out loud during class.”

Sirius scoffed immediately, taking full offense as he turned away from you. “‘Accidentally,’ she says.” 

“What? It’s true!” 

“So I suspect you must have ‘accidentally’ found me funny, too?” He air-quoted. 

You let out a sigh, feeling exasperated and slightly frustrated by his consistently witty replies. It seemed like Sirius never ran out of energy when it came to your banter, filled with incessant teasing (coming from Sirius himself most of the time, of course) and lighthearted jabs at each other. But even with your patience increasingly wearing thin with him, you found yourself looking forward to the banter every time. In spite of his knack for getting on your nerves more often than not, you liked sharing it with him. It was almost as if it was something only you and Sirius shared - intimate and unique to your dynamic.

“Whatever, Sirius,” You settled for a dismissive response eventually, rolling your eyes as you did so. Though you knew that he would take the piss out of you again for your lack of a snarky retort.

But to your surprise, the boy only chuckled in amusement, kicking a few pebbles and leaves out of the way as the two of you continued to walk. You didn’t think much of it, passing it off as a likely thing for people to do when they walk on sidewalks riddled with objects in the way. 

(But little did you know about Sirius’ true intentions, though.)

After a moment of comfortable silence, you decided to speak up again. 

“Hey, so I was wondering—”

Sirius interrupts with a snort of laughter. “When are you not?” “Please shut up and let me finish.” “Alright, alright. I’m sorry,” he said. Though with the ever so present smirk on his face, and the hint of mirth in his eyes, you couldn’t tell if he was truly sorry. “What were you wondering about in that pretty head of yours?” You paused for a moment, thinking of how to phrase your question. Sirius gave you a brief glance, curious about what you were thinking of that had you pondering like this.

“Why’d you do it?” You finally blurted out.

“What do you mean? You’re gonna have to be a bit more specific than that for me, love.”

Sirius earns the sweet sound of your chuckling, and he zeroes in on the slight flush that appeared on your cheeks, betraying your embarrassment.

“I’m talking about earlier, Sirius. During Physics? When you flew that paper plane to McGonagall?”

His lips formed an O shape as he came to the realization of what you were referring to. And as if the reminder was nothing but a lighthearted one, Sirius snickered to himself.

“And? What about that?” 

You sigh, internally wondering how on earth he could find such a thing so amusing. Sure, perhaps Professor McGonagall had developed some sort of fondness or a soft spot for Sirius over the years he’d acted against her in his mischief. But the fact still remained that McGonagall was not to be taken lightly to, especially not during her class. 

“I was just wondering why you would do such a thing. I mean.. it was certainly unprovoked, don’t you think?” 

“‘Unprovoked,’ you say? Is that what you really think?” 

There’s a shift in his tone this time around when he spoke, though there still remained the unmistakable, and ever so present hint of a tease in his voice. You studied his face intently as you thought of a response. 

“Yeah. I mean, whatever did you do that for?” 

Sirius sighed, though you couldn’t tell if it was out of frustration with you or exasperation. “Didn’t I tell you already? I did it for you, you daft woman.” 

You resist the urge to scoff at his remark of you being a supposed daft woman. “I thought you were just messing with me there when you said that.”

“‘Messing with you?’ Why would I—“ He cut himself off with another sigh. 

Oh, so he’s frustrated, you realized. 

“You know, for someone whose mind runs a thousand miles per hour, you can be really clueless sometimes.” 

You let yourself scoff by then, feeling indignant. “What are you on about now?” 

Sirius almost smirked at your words, and you knew that by the twitch at the corner of his lips. You tear your eyes away from them, focusing on his eyes instead. 

“Come on, you’re a smart girl. Surely, you know why I did that, and why I risked detention?”

Deep down, you had an inkling as to what he was telling you. But you refused to acknowledge it aside from the fact that it was downright ridiculous. After all, you firmly believed yourself to be out of Sirius Black’s league. Your dynamic was synonymous to one of those Paramore songs that went, “He was a punk, she did ballet. Can I make it anymore obvious?” 

And as if he could read you, and sense your inner thoughts, Sirius sighed for what seemed like the nth time of that moment. Though now it had sounded almost… sad? 

“Shall I spell it aloud for you, then?” He broke the silence, his voice deeper and tinged with seriousness. 

“Yes.” Please. For my own sake. 

He takes a deep breath first, although the both of you didn’t know for what exactly. But it felt like it was necessary for Sirius, and so—

“I did it for you, ‘cause,” He paused, seemingly trying to push the words out of his mouth. Why he was forcing them out, you didn’t know. “What friends are for, right?” 

Well, admittedly, that kind of stung you inside. For a moment—a fleeting, hopeful moment—you wanted Sirius to say that he did it for you, and that was that. Just for you. For the sake of keeping you company, and letting it be up for interpretation on whether it was done under platonic intentions or… not. 

“Yeah,” You nodded, mentally chastising yourself for ever expecting such a thing. “What friends are for.” 

Sirius is looking at you pensively, noticing a hint of your disappointment in the way your smile didn’t quite reach your eyes, and in the way you looked away from him as you replied. He wondered why.

But, ever the one to cheer his friends up, Sirius clears his throat to catch your attention, his grey eyes glittering with mirth. 

“And besides,” he added. “You would’ve gone mad if you served detention all alone. You’re kind of a danger to yourself here, love.” He ruffled your hair playfully as he said this, eliciting a smile from you. 

“Hey! It doesn’t get that bad, you know,” You defend yourself, fixing your hair with your fingers. Sirius helps you out by tucking the wayward strands of hair, covering your face, behind your ear. 

He snickered. “Trust me, love. I know how bad it can get.” 

In truth, Sirius has always found it endearing—your knack for getting a little lost in your head more often than not. But he was also one of those people who wanted to grab you by the shoulders and shake some sense into you, to tell you to give yourself a damn break. So, he’ll take any chance to distract you from your thoughts. And if that meant angering McGonagall and serving detention, he didn’t mind at all. 

The rest of your walk home goes easily after that, the lighthearted atmosphere returning despite the momentary shift to the slightest, almost imperceptible indication to the feelings you harbored for each other—though unacknowledged on both sides of the party in fear of losing the other.

Although, Sirius suspects that he’ll be brave enough for the both of you one day to bring these feelings into light. 

In the meantime, he’ll let you get away with your acting aloof and coy about it. He’ll gladly wait until you’re ready to hear what he’s always wanted to tell you. 

So, as the two of you bask in the orange hue of the afternoon sun, walking down the path to your home, you don’t realize that it’s only a few steps away until you’ve reached your destination. You were getting carried away (again) with ranting about tomorrow’s quizzes, and Sirius is trying (again) to calm your anxieties, and reassure you. 

At the very same time, he realizes the increasing distance between the two of you and your home. He doesn’t make a move to tell you, and you simply don’t notice.

( ♡ )

[elrondapologist]

RoP season 2 episode 5

Thoughts and opinions, because I have nowhere else to ramble about it Heavy spoilers below the cut ofc

Oh so, so we came back to Annatar and Celebrimbor, didn't we? And we begin to see the cracks! The end of the episode was heartbreaking; it is already easy to see the results of Annatar's manipulations and how it takes its toll on Celebrimbor. The poor elf just wanted to make a cute arts and crafts project (~~better than any made before~~) and now his "best friend" NOT ONLY outwards lies to him about dwarven rings, but also tells his protege that it was her master who she saw in the shadow realm? WHAT? Masterful.

I love it already looks like Celebrimbor is leaning a little bit back, looking into Annatar's eyes a little unsure. I was surprised by Annatar's boldness in this episode... I expected more cute smiles and sweet words. But I suppose the main reason behind it lies in time constraints. Time constraints that are also heavily noticeable in different parts of the narration; mainly, the Numenor situation. I was kind of displeased with episode 3 for the whole plot about Numenor being so shallow; it lacked the emotional stakes for me, it felt too rushed, too sudden; we as an audience seemed to lack the appreciation of golden times of Numenor to feel moved by its potential fall. But the shrine scene, if I catch you shrine scene

That was a moment when suddenly I became invested in the Numenorian plot; mostly because of the beautiful portrayal of Elendil by Lloyd Owen, but also because suddenly with the Valandil situation the whole thing became personal. It was actually surprisingly great. I am still of the opinion that this whole coup piece of plot would oh so benefit from being written a little more subtly (the motivations behind it were really hardly developed), but as for what we have in this adaptation, I loved this scene. Although I screamed with Elendil at my screen for Valandil to choose differently. AND NOW ELENDIL WILL THINK IT WAS BECAUSE OF HIS ORDER HIS SON'S BFF HE HIMSELF CALLED SON IS DEAD DEAD Captain, oh my captain The captain scene was also beautiful, because it was an exception to one thing - is it only me or this show has some serious problem with taking lordship quite… seriously? What I kinda got tired of in the plot is everyone disobeying their lords all the time; when I saw this tired face of Gil-Galad I thought he really deserves to have his scowl, it seems to be the worst position to be in Middle Earth right now: a king.

When you think everyone keeps telling you what to do and don't listen to your orders do not worry... There are like five other lords, kings and queens that have the same treatment, one queen is even I believe trapped in her tower after a coup, so it really could have been worse. The last thing about this episode: the dwarves I was kinda unnerved of how quickly the rings negatively impacted king Durin? I did not like the idea of rushing this process that much BUT I really enjoyed the explanation behind it, the idea that it is because of a direct will of Annatar and that he would gaslight Celebrimbor into thinking it was his fault. And it works! The greed and pride and deception as making the ring faulty. And the pride that keeps Celebrimbor from admitting it; the FEAR that he accidently did something not perfect, but even bad; that he may not accomplish the dream, but live the horror. (Well, Tyelpe-) The dwarves. I was to write about the dwarves! It was as always solid visually and in terms of characters, Disa is still a queen and Durin IV really needs to have his emotional Elrond back. I was trying to be upset upon the choices of king Durin, but somehow I was too happy upon him welcoming his son back to be angry. I will still regret it, I fear. 

Watcher of the deep? Also: Elrond run was epicTM

Run Elrond Run Final notes:

although as ever i have my issues with it, I loved the episode ofc

the only minus? One running Elrond scene was not enough, please, more Elrond next!!!

Annatar/Celebrimbor and dwarves plots are solid still

Numenorian plot tries his best

and as once kind of delivers

feel free to share your opinions or correct me in any way, but please let's be civil

in ao3 fashion sorry for any mistakes, I am not a native English speaker and it shows lmao

till next week, maybe? Possibly? If I have as much to say as for this episode XD

Thanks for your attention

[st4rshipr4nger]

things that help me//helped me minishift!! first im going to go over things before the methods and then yk yeah

i know alot of people dont like scripting, or just prefer not to do it but i enjoy doing it and it gets me pretty motivated because I know where im going more so than before when i just yk knew where i was going, i use notion scripts personally

but thats pretty well known so anyway what i was saying in response to that anon that my lovely mutual sent me was that i get my journal and i would write down affirmations for example 'i am happy in my dr, i am loved in my dr, i love my dr, i am shifting constantly, i shift everytime i breathe, i shift everytime i blink, i shift everytime i move, etc etc' and i would just write those down over and over repeating. I did that for like three days I wanna say and i minishifted to my umbrella dr and heard pojo knocking on my door, and even though that isnt how my umbrella dr is now because ive switched it up alot since then i might make a seperate post for that I STILL HEARD POGO. AND I SHIFTED EVEN THOUGH I PHYSICALLY JUMPED UP AND SHIFTED BACK. and i felt my couch turn more into a bed and the air smelled different and everything. So yes!! write down affirmations if you think it will help and even just to try it out.

make a pinterest board, a music playlist, consume the media that will make you feel closer and more at home with it !!

now for methods and how i do them//pair them up with eachother

void state method x affirmations x julia ??? method sort of

so i put a subliminal on throughout the day sometimes if i feel like it i just find one of youtube and i journal,,, then when i actually want to sit and try to shift i lay down, i personally lay down on my back because laying on my side trying to shift is UNCOMFORTABLE to me,,, then i do the void state part which is just detaching yourself kind of in my head i repeat 'i am pure consciousness' and 'i am not attatched to any reality and i can shift whenever where ever i please' mhmmhm and then once i do that for a while and i feel like i can move on, my body is asleep and i cant really like ...feel anything thats when i move on and start saying the affirmations that i had written down in my journal! and thats just what i do you can count when doing the void state method i know that can help stay like focused if youre into that.

remember its okay to let your mind wander, when youre told to stop thinking of something youre just gonna end up thinking of it more, so think about things and then let them go when you get distracted!

i hope this helped i tried to word it as best i could if you have any more questions just ask

MUCH LOVE!!!!

@v1trum

[kaeyapilled]

hey! your kaeya takes are so real!!! I was wondering if you had any good fic recs?? I want to read something that has good kaeya characterization (+bonus if it's ragbros that isn't just them crying and hugging it out like you were talking about) and am tired of scrolling through tags

!! omg thank you im so honored to hear that people like my takes lol

fic recs huh!! i have some!! do you mind it if most of them are about child kaeya? (i hadnt realized how many of my bookmarks focused on his childhood until i went through them all lmao) hopefully it isnt all stuff youve already read before! here goes:

A Horse Makes for a Stable Life by FollowerofMercy – Wanting to test the boundaries of his host’s goodwill, Kaeya asks for a pony for his birthday. He didn’t expect Crepus to deliver. Or, the story in which things get uncomfortably real for young Kaeya.

do you like kaeya and crepus interactions!! because this fic explores their dynamic in suuuuch a nice way that felt very refreshing to see portrayed!! perfect ratio of hurt to comfort in my opinion. overall quite lighthearted compared to my other recs though lol. good exploration of kaeyas inner conflict since a young age. yeah i love it and recommend it

I'm gonna miss your love when it's gone by imaginarypasta – A selection of scenes from Kaeya's childhood related to his relationships with his fathers, and all they have led him to be.

this one is so good!!!! i feel like its rare to see kaeyas biological father portrayed as anything other than a heartless asshole, and this fic explored kaeyas relationship with him in such a nice manner that makes for a very melancholic and. i guess bittersweet story that takes into consideration the nuance of the situation in a way that i really dont see super often. the parts about kaeyas relationship w crepus are also really well done i love it. oh and the khaenri'ah lore the author takes some liberty with is really really interesting!!

not bad for a walk on death's doorstep by b_attery – Fear is a knife’s edge. Fear is a killer. Fear is how you know you’re still alive.

my bookmark of this work said "literally the best kaeya character study ive ever read" and honestly i still stand by that. the word flow is great and the exploration of fear as such an intrinsic part of kaeya's life and as the driving force for most of his actions and feelings and responses. it's so good!!! this one contemplates kaeyas childhood both before and after his arrival in mondstadt and goes until after diluc's return. absolutely recommend it!!

Hundred-Watt Light by pepperjuice – A story about ten years of contingency plans and holding your own hand. (Because how else are you supposed to live with a weight too big to hold all alone?)

this. this rewired my brain forever. this holds the title of best kaeya character study ever along with the previous one i talked about. definitely mind the tags because it primarily deals with suicidal ideation and thoughts so, if that's a trigger then it's best to not read this one lol but still it is SO good and it explores kaeya's inner conflicts and awful coping mechanisms after having such a heavy burden thrusted upon him at an extremely early age with no good support of any kind. i absolutely love this fic it's very dear to me and i think about it sooo often it truly altered my brain chemistry

things fall apart by kernsing – Happy eighteenth, Diluc.

finally some ragbros content! sadly it isnt the reconciliation you asked for it's about when things fell apart. this is one of my favorite ever renditions of how it all went down on That Day - it reshaped some of my own headcanons, actually. this one is more from diluc's pov than kaeya's, and it's written really really well, and explores diluc's grief over his father's death in SUCH an amazing and interesting way!! and the way it parallels kaeya's own emotions and that is exactly what causes them to fight is extremely tasty i loved it. read it it's good

okay i can probably find some more but this is enough for one post i think. deeply sorry for not delivering the good ragbros reconciliation content.. i tbh haven't gathered a lot.. but i hope you and whoever else reads this enjoys these! thank you for the ask <3

[samioli]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

Saw this on my dash and there was permission for anyone who writes fics to do it, so I'm doing it!

1. How many works do you have on A03?

41!

2. What's your total A03 word count?

271,531! I'm pretty proud honestly, never thought the number would get so high! Also I'm pretty sure the smut alone is over 100,000 LMAO

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Mainly Ace Attorney at the moment!

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

like a warm embrace

rough around the edges

wait (they don't love you like I love you)

where there is a flame (someone's bound to get burned)

hold onto me ('cause I'm a little unsteady)

WOW honestly i didnt know the last one was so high!! That was my first ever aa fic.

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I try to! What ends up happening is that I respond pretty well at first, but then i get overwhelmed and stop replying :(( And then by the time I'm ok again, i feel like it would be weird to respond. Please know i read each comment and it means the world to me!!

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Definitely 'burning the memories (that might have redeemed you)' since its a fic that takes place during 1-2 and before edgeworth's character development. I STILL HAVE THE HAPPY ENDING SEQUEL IN MY DRAFTS LMAO. I hope to finish it one day!!

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Not sure! Most of my fics have happy endings.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Nope, not hate at least. Ive gotten some backhanded compliments before, but never flat out hate. Thank goodness for that.

9. Do you write smut?

Too friggin much

10. Do you write crossovers?

The closest ive ever gotten is a WIP where its a low-key Good Omens and Ace Attorney crossover, lmao

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Thankfully no!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes! What's new pussycat was translated into Chinese recently!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Nah, I would be open to it, though!

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

Nrmt for real. They make my brain go BRRRRRRRR.

15. What's the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

There's a lot, lmao. Probably the sequel to I am not a vessel for your good intent.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Dialogue I would say. Dirty talk too, in smut.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Descriptions😔

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

Nah, not my thing.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

The Flash lmao

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

I'd have to say Flame! That's my baby, and I think it has some of my best writing and pining in there.

I'm tagging @sapphire-wine, @majoringinsarcasm @sandboxer

@rage-against-the-dying-of-light, @apprenticeofdoyle and anyone else who would like to do this!!!

[ladder-ghost]

Good morning and Happy Friday! You are an incredible artist! I've been browsing your work (on here and on Pillowfort!) and I am amazed by your mastery of anatomy and how you infuse character in each of your pieces.

First, I saw through the #sdv elliott tag how you were asking about drawing other fans' farmers. If you're still interested, I happily offer up mine! You can DM me for references if you so desire.

Second, I want to know more about Elliott and Connor. What's Connor's story? How did he and Elliott get together? What do they love best about each other?

And correct me if I'm wrong, but I've inferred from some of your art that he is a tengu, or at least a related entity. That's so neat! Tell me more about that. 😁👍

Hee hee heee this came out so long lmao I tried to be concise but I’ve written the epistle of Connor and Elliott lore😩

(And I would love to draw your farmer I’m gnawing at the bars of my enclosure like a rabid animal)

Connor is certainly similar to a tengu in the sense that what he’s based on is a similar mischievous spirit fae species type thing. I combined two Caribbean myths for him, chickcharnie and gaulin wife.

Linked some info on the two, but I’ll say the gaulin wife telling here isn’t the exact one that I remember, there’s this one telling that has a song in it that the wife sings “oh what a foolish man, he married the gaulin” BUT IVE BEEN LOOKING FOR WEEEEKS I can’t find it it might be lost media🥲. I also can’t remember the EXACT way that version went since I heard last it when I was like- 11 lmao. But the concept is pretty much what’s in this version.

SO that gets us to Connor, I wanted him to have the whole monster bird fae elements of the chickcharnie to have a reason to be feared or distrusted by his home town, but I also REALLY love herons (hence the gaulin bride) and the whole jingle from that tale. So I was like, what if everyone around them (mostly from Connor’s home life because bird man cryptid is par for the course in pelican town I think lmao) would think Elliott to be like, crazy for wanting to be with a fae. So they’re like a twist on the myth where instead of the man seeing this perfect spouse that turns out to be a trick, everyone else EXPECTS a trick but they’re just hopelessly in love.

I hope that makes sense

So Connor has 2 sisters, Cara his “twin” and Khipz their younger sister. If you’ve ever seen that writing prompt where a fae asks a mother to pick which is their real child vs the fae’s copy and she responds like “they’re both my children” that’s kind of what happens here. I think it fits considering chickcharnie are known for like, kidnapping and luring little kids into the pine forest, fun stuff, so a baby swap sounds about right.

The real twin was stillborn/terminally ill, but their mother has connections to the local fae through her family (grandpa from the actual canon) having a good relationship through the time they lived in the valley. So she begs for a way to save the kid, and they grant this favor by doing a little swap, they take the baby and give her Connor.

The father is not quite so tolerant to fae activity, so he DOES NOT vibe with Connor, pretty much seeing him as like not really theirs, but ofc Connor’s a baby he has no way to understand the hostility here. But he’s willing to let him pass as long as he’s able to keep up appearances. This man is all about reputation and appearance, he wants that white picket fence life, hes a major business man in their town he expects perfection. But the cultural context of the fae being dangerous and uncontrollable he does not want people to know that he’s connected to that. So they raise Connor to suppress his magic and such, he has to keep up appearances as fully human, perfect little identical copy of his twin (which includes being raised feminine since the original expectation was two girls so that’s what Connor’s default appearance was)

At a point though a kids going to start developing their own persona, so once he hits teen years he’s not really comfortable being constrained to copying Cara. He’s allowed to shift his presentation to his current male presentation, but it does kinda throw a wrench in his dad’s perception of him. Every disagreement and every personal decision is more and more strain as Connor’s less willing to conform, which raises his dad’s concerns about his nature as a fae. Not to mention he becomes more of a liability reputation wise because the harder he tries to control Connor the harder he pushes back, babe is prone to reckless behavior (but really in the childlike skipping class and launching a dirtbike off a ramp into a lake or something way), and their dad does NOT know how to handle it besides meeting that energy with anger especially if he’s roping his sisters into his antics.

ENTER STAGE RIGHT OUR BABYGIRL ELLIOTT

I love the concept of him being an ex-trust fund rich kid that left to pursue his own desires. So they meet in like 9th grade or so, when their parents are meeting to discuss whatever business deal they’ve got going on. And they hit it off so much cuz they’re both starting to explore being their own person and discontentment with expectations and conformity, but at this point Connor does not tell him that he is not human due to fear that he might have the same disdain that his own dad has, especially considering even his SISTERS don’t know. His mother’s been telling him all these years you can’t let anyone know, we don’t want anyone to get hurt right? It’s just not the right time, I imagine there’s an element of him fearing HIMSELF a fair amount, especially since he’s not in practice of taking his bird forms. All of his focus goes into keeping that side of himself suppressed.

But time passes and yknow young love, they’re close friends and romantic feelings start showing up, they end up sharing their first kiss and Connor is unable to stop himself from just letting all those inhibitions go. He suddenly sprouts little baby feathers and the starting nubs where his horns would grow in, tail wagging a mile a minute, but while Elliott’s taking this in because WHAT HAPPENED Connor’s dad finds them in whatever room they’d snuck off to and man is LIVID because as far as he’s concerned his biggest insecurity just got outed and being fresh to his investors son, what are they gonna think of him, so improper, how dare you. He gets dragged off to get berated and such and gets banned from being allowed anywhere near the company lest he cause more problems.

Elliott loses contact because like, neither of them have any means of contact and then he gets sent off to a boarding school to finish high school, and he brushes off the whole thing in his memory like maybe I was just hallucinating. Fae aren’t common around the city so he wouldn’t be too aware of that being an option.

Connor has the whole thing in the back of his mind like oh he probably freaked out and hates me now just like father dearest said he would, especially since Elliott never got the chance to react beyond the initial shock.

DECADE PASSES

I mentioned before in his last lore post that there’s more mounting hostility and eventually Connor decides to cut off completely, his mom gives him grandpas land so he moves to pelican town.

And like imagine his shock to see Elliott there, standing on that bridge, he’s internally freaking out then he turns and smiles at him with the opening line “oh you must be the new farmer everyone’s talking about, it’s a pleasure” and he politely kisses his knuckles and it’s like a complete parallel to their first kiss where he just loses it all over again. And like in that time he’s had other relationships other flings, and he thought he was in complete control because NEVER after that first time did he ever have a slip up again, then Elliott comes along and just KNOCKS EVERY WALL DOWN with a fleeting GREETING of all things.

Then there’s like this pause of realization from Elliott of oh my god it’s you.

I’m so unwell for them. Elliott gets his proper explanation of him and it’s like, the first time he’s not pressured to have to hide himself anymore, he thinks it’s **fascinating** and beautiful not something to be feared and reigned back. So they get to rekindle that long lost friendship and all those feelings come tumbling back into the equation.

They definitely build their relationship off emotional support and shared experience, two bros against the world frfr

[erwinsvow]

SUIT THE MOOD OF MY SOUL WAS THE BEST OMMGGGG I CAAANNNTTT MY ENTIRE BEING WAS THRROBING WITH UR PHENOMENAL AND EXQUISITE WRITING I CANNOT FANTHOM HOW U LIVE AFTER PUBLISHING IT😭😭 UGUUGHHHHH if ever u make a part 2 pls put me in the tag list hehe im acc desperate bcz its so good im not lyinggg!!!! i love u so much i might js b captivatef w u ily 🥺

omg this is the sweetest msg in the entire world stop!!! omg youre so nice and kind to send this. i am soooo happy you loved suit the mood of my soul its really one of my favorite things ive ever written too! im crying <3 thank you for the support and love it means so much

im not sure abt part 2 but i will tag if it ever comes out!!! <33333 i love u omg stop im gonna cry<333

[osarina]

You are genuinely such a brilliant writer, waterloo is one of the best things I've ever read. If I had read it without any context, I would assume it's a very highly praised book written by some smart poet or something, not a fanfiction about an anime. I was already sad whenever I thought of beastzai, but now I'm gonna cry whenever I think of him 😭 everything about beast is just so sad and unfortunate 😞 I also have a question, and I'm not sure if this has been discussed since I only recently found your account, but are your other dazai x reader fics part of the Waterloo series? Like they're all different universes? Hopefully not since that would mean reader dies in all of them 😞🙏 (waterloo au where both reader and oda live and they work on publishing books together and dazai is happily part of the ada when? 🤭 /hj) SORRY FOR RANTING I just am absolutely inlove with your writing style and I'm definitely going to be thinking of Waterloo 24/7 while crying 🫶

lovebug :(((( i'm ACTUALLY going to weep you're so sweet i want to perish, my heart is so warm & fluttery. you are so sweet actually i think ive read this ask more than a dozen times.

beast truly is so tragic like. idk man everything i think of it i get so depressed like beastzai was so lonely and did everything he could to protect oda (and reader :P) and he couldn't even live long enough to read oda's book :') the one thing he wanted :') like beastzai will always be my roman empire truly i miss him so desperately

only the fics under the waterloo masterlist are part of waterloo universe! pmreader is its own universe (they're happy there, don't worry <3)

AND DON'T EVER APOLOGIZEEEEEEE I LOVE ASKS I LUV RAMBLING WITH YOU GUYS I ADORE YOU SM

[sillyyywrites]

STARES AT YOU.

Hiiii Bonez !!!!!!!!

Wanna write somethin’ sweet for me?

like uh uh uh just uh just DCA (any) being oh so very nice to meeeee (or y/n). WANT UH WANT ENCOURAGEMENT FROM DCA (like im doing soso good at life and making good decisions.)

/nf of course!!!! (And I will write or draw something in return if you want tee hee. LIKE AN ART TRADE BUT ITS WRITING AND/OR ART :00000)

You don’t need to draw/write anything slime!!!!

Oouuugh what if i was evil (positive) and made it a massive timeskip in my au cause i dont wanna build up friendships in writing (i will do exactly this)

Gender neutral pronouns and no use of y/n and please read this as platonic!!

Divider credits: https://www.tumblr.com/cafekitsune/727305515676418048/pattern-banners-galaxy

You walk into the daycare, a little tired, but you’re functioning. You walk down the stairs, not really noticing the power outage or taking any mind to it, you’re just zoned out. You open the massive doors that look like a castles doors and walk inside. You hear little ‘clicks’ and ‘clacks’ from a few directions.

“You can’t scare me anymore, moon. Im to used to this.” You say as you don’t really wanna deal with a jumpscare so early in the morning. You hear little ‘clicks’ closer, and closer. “Are you okay?” They ask as it descends and unhooks themselves. “You know you’re doing great, okay? You got a few animatronics who care, and you.. somehow.. got me on that train.” He isn’t letting you not think that today.

“Hmmm.. let’s look at your tasks together, okay?” He says, not gonna let you do these tasks alone anymore. “It’s fine, moon, I can do this.” You say to him, you’re used to the tasks of cleaning up, checking generators, the other repetitive tasks you do everyday. “I am not asking you if you want help, you’re getting help.” Well, they’re still a little intimidating.

“Fine, not like I have a choice anyway.” You respond to it. A little while later you’ve finished checking the last generator to make sure it’s functioning and won’t randomly burst into flames. “They’re all fine.” You say, hearing a little ‘clicks’ as you turn to look at moon, who is visibly happy, a little hard to tell if it’s genuine with that unmoving permanent smile on his face, but they seem happy. “Where’s the cleaning supplies?” You ask moon as you crawl out the colorful Play-place.

“Already done, we didn’t feel like waiting for you.” He responds to your question. “Wowww, i mean, thank you, but wowwwww.” You jokingly act like you’re upset. “You did good, Starlight.” He tells you. “Thank yOU- WHAT ARE YOU DOIN-“ You raise your voice as he forcefully yoinks you out the Play-place and carrying you like a burrito (if that makes sense?) and carries you to a little nest of pillows and blankets, and drops you on it. Before you could even process anything you’re burrito wrapped and trapped in coziness!

“What are you doing.” You ask moon, slightly annoyed he didn’t warn or ask you before he picked you up. “Your work is as good as done, you deserve a reward for doing your best, and I’m proud of you, Little star.” He tells you as he curls around you a little bit as he continues, “Plus, I miss wrapping the kids up and hugging them to sleep, it’s a win-win for both of us.” It’s a little funny, having a animatronic that’s been called terrifying and snarky.. just being sweet with you and telling you that you’re doing good.

“You’re doing good, don’t stress about something you’re doing perfectly on, you’re loved.” He’s clinging to you and telling you positive things, that’s one way to just allow yourself to relax. And not long later you’re both asleep, as the lights flick on.

im normal about them why do you ask :3c (i am not normal about them)

I enjoyed writing this! Fastest ive written ever (1 hour)

Hope you like this slime🔥🔥🔥

[det395]

det395 2023 fic recap

this year i wrote 172,177 words in total across approximately 19 WIPS (15 fic, 4 original) and i posted 12 fics amounting to 205,547 words

first of all, my favourites, my children, my pride and joys...

A place you can never go (85k words, fandom: Hannibal)

(and its informal prequel and alternate pov companion piece)

this fic was my #1 pride and joy of the year, and likely will be for a long time to come. i started writing this fic in August, 2022 and it became a whole different creature from my original idea but i am beyond happy with how it turned out. i think it is the best thing ive ever written. i have a really warm and fuzzy feeling looking back on it, despite the angsty concept lol

Put a little love here in my void (53k, fandom: Interview with the Vampire)

I posted this fic as i wrote it not expecting it to get much attention, which made this one a bit overwhelming and confirmed to me that i much prefer to have my fics totally pre-written before posting. that being said, it was one of the most satisfying stories to write! almost every chapter gave me trouble and almost every time i figured it out in the end in a way that just felt right. i fell off of this universe a bit before i could add more to it, but i suspect season 2 of iwtv might be motivating...

and onto the rest:

The Locked Tomb

Place me in my casket tonight - Harrowhark-centred with a lot of angst

The princess with a sword - 10k words of just messy lesbian sex

Interview with the Vampire

Don't be shy, go on ahead and take the whole set - short little Claudia exploration, the poor girl

Hannibal

To build a fire - cozy yet sinister bedsharing wip, man i should really try to finish this fic while the chilly weather is here

The killing moon - sex, violence, and body horror oh my! i finished this up from the previous halloween and im glad i went all the way with it

Black Butler / Kuroshitsuji

Ascend and try again - a silly, indulgent fic based on an anime episode. miscommunication with these 2 is so fun

The moon's a skull, I think it's grinning - a more plot-driven 'case' fic with lots of trauma exploration. i am so drawn in by the dark themes in the manga and i really enjoyed researching for and writing this one

The Last of Us

A rotten summer, a rotten hope, dear - being emotional about Ellie & Joel 🥺

Black sails

Regardez-moi - Max and Eleanor my beloveds. a preview into what my ao3 might look like in 2024. black sails has taken over my mind and heart...

i wrote rather sporadically this year, falling off of things when life got busy. for this next year (which i know will be busy) my goal is to write more consistently, even if each daily word count is pretty low

[formula-fun]

Hi!!

I’m dropping by to compliment you on your writing bc it’s all encompassing and just sucks you into the story and makes you feel the whole range of emotions. I’d be happy if I could write only half as good as you do.

But I want to highlight one thing in particular.

It’s about ‘If I had words’ (especially Max’s version). It is one of the best things I have ever read, in fan fic and published words. (I re-read after I saw Alice’s art.)

Even though (this sounds negative but I promise it isn’t!) you write omega Charles/bottom Charles it never comes off as condescending or emasculating. It feels like they are equals in your fic (equally in love, equally gone for each other, equally in charge, equally submissive/dominant) which is something I do not find often in Lestappen fics (anymore) where Charles is an exclusive bottom/omega. It’s also a reason why I can barely read omega Charles/bottom Charles anymore because in my perception a lot of depictions of Charles I find belittling and degrading.

I am aware this is not fair. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, can have their own taste in reading and writing but the negative depictions of Charles rubs me the wrong way.

Thank you for sharing your gift with all of us. I am so looking forward to the pacific rim au!! <3

hiiii thank you so much!!! <333 i really dont like comparing myself to other writers for....a lot of reasons honestly, but this is really kind!!

this fic definitely came out of a time when a lot of the men in my life were treating me like shit and i felt like i might have to just accept that this is how life is (plot twist: i did not have to accept that). i felt really angry and betrayed all the time, and i could never tell if i felt so unsafe because of something in my own head or because of the reality of the situation (again, plot twist: it was because a few people were just assholes). so long story short, the whole series is about people wading through those expectations and the shitty realities of the way people see them and realizing that in the end it doesn't change their own realities of what they themselves want and who they themselves are

and idk maybe i just project like mad onto these people jkdkjdfj but its sort of a late coming of age story as well. a lot of their relationship has to do with that part of getting older where sex and relationships stop feeling like playacting and start feeling deeper. at some point you stop loving people by imitating the way you've seen other people love, and you start loving them the way that you want to. and if that means nasty dirty slightly humiliating sex then that's great, because it's real and genuine and it's a triumph for that reason

so im glad you've picked up on all that because it's definitely central to what the entire series is about!! i want to end tho by saying i also love nasty objectifying smut and ive written a decent enough amount of it by now. i seek it out pretty regularly. i enjoy exploring these people as characters and discussing political themes, but i also enjoy reducing millionaire athletes to whimpering squirming little chew toys. a balance to life is so important

[autisticlancemcclain]

every wip wednesday i vote for orphan au and i am here to beg yall to please, just this once, let orphan au take the win. please. its done nothin wrong to yall but the angst is so sweet and the story is such a novelty for the vld fandom. please. its done yall nothin but happiness, and i believe yall can help me let orphan au win. i am being so brave about this, and now you can too! please vote orphan au.

Hi jackie, i love orphan au and i am rallying for it. even if you do not post this, know every time, i cross my fingers and keep rootin for orphan au. one time soon, it will win. i very much believe in one of the best vld fics ive read in quite the while. be greeted kindly, xxx

this is actually making me emotional bc i LOVE the orphan au, it’s genuinely one of my fave things i’ve ever written, but i thought y’all only tolerated it. so. to have it spoken about so kindly makes me want to say fuck wip wednesday and write an update for it actually

[jils-things]

happy new year! ; my farewell letter to 2023.

last year, ive written a similar farewell letter to 2022 and i want to make this a little tradition - so here's my second one <3

okay, so - wow. first of all, just wow.

this might be incredibly bold to say, but i think this has been my best year to be alive (i promise you i do not want to sound corny about it, but i really think 2023 was amazing for me.) of course, many things happened. im at my last year of senior high before i go to college, which is very scary but i hope i can be brave for it. school has been actually very generous to me recently, despite a few minor setbacks that looked very major when i was going through it, but overall it was very generous to me. but irl rambling is boring, so let's talk about my selfshipping blog!

last year, i had a verrrry firm grip on a previous f/o that im 100% sure old followers know - though im a little sad I can't find that spark to focus on him again - the shift in media has helped me find new f/os that i can say has been incredibly memorable to me. as we all know, im in a very INSANE pokemon brainrot since november or october(?) of 2022 and it has still remained heavily active in my head right now - which i honestly didn't even know i had the full capacity of doing! I don't know what magic this game did to me but i promise you im so happy i revisited this game again.

i would talk about how grateful i am to everyone has been supportive and sweet about my romantic f/os but i think the best highlight of my blog is my newfound love for my familial f/os - before that, i never had a single one on my list because i was simply quite disconnected to the family love concept, but after indulging myself in pokemon - i would come to discover pokemon adve.ntures, or poke.spe for short hehe. i have so many fond memories of finding myself wanting to read more and MORE - i would have every chapter downloaded beforehand just so that i can read it in my spare time, not even school that demanded my attention would stop me from sneaking my phone to quickly read through the manga LMAOO - but consuming the media itself wasn't enough, i needed people to understand the ROLLERCOASTER of emotions i had while reading and well, i think its very clear who those people were, the ones who came to save my miserable ass from (insert shocking scene in poke.spe) AHSJHSHSJSJS you know who you are and i appreciate you forever and they - i kid you not, helped me create something wonderful!

but of course, the video games were just as amazing. would you believe me if i told you i played gens 1 to 7 in one year? that's how much i adore the game and i still have yet to catch up to other games like the spin offs :] im not sure how to end this statement but. im so happy appleshipping and memoryshipping exists 🥹 i usually don't like thinking that they'll be with me forever because i believe nothing lasts for eternity but i just wanna say that they were just ... im just so contented 🥹 again, all of this actually would not have been so impactful to me if it weren't for my awesome mutuals hearing me out about it and supplying me with even more ideas - these mutuals would also end up becoming such loving friends of mine that helped me get out of my comfort zone and im still happy they're around (hi guys!) 💚

oh! and, what a surprise, i never thought id have an oc f/o! i initially thought that this was so impossible to do but?!??;?! it just happened i guess!!!! i keep surprising myself this year 😭

ok now here's the obligatory art summary for the year 💥

literally the best thing i ever done with my art is try using csp and it actually really helped me change the way i draw, and i even managed to cross out a few items in my last year's resolution thanks to it! i still bounce between using ibispaint and csp but i certainly improved!

the last thing im forever grateful about are the people who has been consistently supportive of my art - especially the commissions, i can't stress it enough how much it has helped me outside and it allowed me to go beyond my comfort zone when it comes to my drawing skills :']] thank you all so much

and finally, big thank you to everyone who sent me nice letters to my tree 🥹💚 its a gentle reminder that im actually ... pretty cool ig 🥹 and if you didn't send one, that's also ok!! you're still cool for reading this mwamwa

again im so bad at ending posts like these but cheers to a new year and let's hope it'll be better for everyone. 💚🫡 goodbye 2023!

[slightlyunconventional]

I’m ngl lmao I genuinely did like a quintuple take when I saw your tags on the “what do you remember by as a writer?” post say it might be a long shot bc you haven’t written a ton. I think your fic masterlist is one of the longest I’ve ever seen on snzblr, and the fics are sooo good!

From time to time, I’ll go back and reread some of my favorites or just all the Sh/ado/w and B/one fics (despite never having seen or read the series!), and I always end up being extremely tempted to try getting into the fandom sometime just bc your fics are so enjoyable and you make the characters, their dynamics, and little glimpses into the plot/missions/etc seem so fun! They always come to mind whenever I see the names Ka/z or In/ej anywhere lmao

“Bound” is probably the one I remember best and, ig I’m not sure on the Statistical Accuracy, but I honestly always tend to think of it as one of the most iconic fics in snzblr, esp since I remember seeing it be reblogged a lot and people absolutely dying in the tags lmaoo. One of very few fics I know by name without even needing a second to try to remember it. And I’m usually really not a pollen girlie! But it’s SO well-executed and hot. “Tease” comes to mind for me a lot when thinking about snz while hiding scenarios, esp ones where 1+ character has supernatural/magical abilities

Generally, I definitely remember your writing for being SO good with characters teasing/flirting/being charismatic and smooth (all things I feel like can be really hard to pull off!), kink!chars, struggle to keep composure (love seeing all the ways in which Ka/z, resident composed and collected man, ends up disheveled and a lil pitiful lmao), power dynamics, snz while hiding, wide variety of causes and scenarios that are all bangers, and snz that is Very Well Done and I am Looking So Respectfully at ahdjhajdhsjsba

Oh. My. God. hi

this is genuinely such insane high praise i am seriously about to cry reading this 😭but oh my god yes 100% watch s/ab its well worth it i love it so much ajshsjd

AND LIKE??? this actually means so much to me you’ve complimented me on everything in my writing that im always unsure about SO IM SO. AAHHH RN!!!!?!!!? i always struggle with dialogue and trying to make characters seem “natural” i guess?? like when it comes to how characters actually act i always sort of hit a brick wall so it genuinely makes me so happy and reassured to hear that it Isnt Actually That Bad !!

and yeah i think bound is probably one of my favourite things ive written . ever so it makes me so happy that you also like it AAAAHHHH NO STOP THIS IS THE SWEETEST MESSAGE IVE EVER HAD i appreciate you so much