#its not self harm
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#i saw a tag that said#'Wild whumpers get your soup'#and now thats in my brain forever#after all#i LOVE soup#anyways#can you tell ive given up on angsty tags?#lol#linked universe#linkeduniverse#lu fanart#lu wild#whumptober 2023#whumptober#blood#its not self harm#but i can see where people might think it is so#self harm
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lead balloon (the tumblr post that saved me)
if this comic resonated with you, it would mean the world to me if you donated to this palestinian family's escape fund.
--
no creative notes because this isn't that kind of comic.
I know I don’t owe any of you anything but I still felt compelled to write about my long term absence. And I feel far enough away from the dangerous spot I was in to be able to make this comic. I have a therapist now, and she agreed that making this could be a very cathartic gesture, and the start of properly leaving these thoughts behind me. I am still, at seemingly random times, blindsided by fleeting desires to kill myself. They’re always passing urges, but it’s disarming, and uncomfortable. I worry sometimes that my brain’s spent so long thinking only about suicide that it’s forgotten how to think about anything else. Like, now that I've opened that door for myself, I'll never be able to fully shut it again. But I’m trying my best to encourage my mind in other directions. We'll see how that goes.
I am still donating all proceeds from my store to Palestinian causes. So far, I've donated over $15K, not including donations coming from my own pocket or the fundraising streams which jointly raised around $10K. In the time since I made my initial post about where this money would be going, the focus has shifted from aid organisations to directly donating to escape funds.
If you'd like to do the same, you can look at Operation Olive Branch, which hosts hundreds of Palestinian escape funds or donate to Safebow, which has helped facilitate the safe crossing and securing of important medical procedures for over 150 at-risk palestinians since the beginning of the genocide.
#cw: suicidal ideation#cw: suicide#cw: self harm#cw: mental health#cw: depression#i made the balloon the main representation of my self destructive urges for a reason but im not going to explain it#i tried to keep a lot of the details in this vague#it would be my worst nightmare if this comic encouraged someone to hurt themselves#so. please dont#for a long time even the thought of making this comic felt so insipid and narcissistic#with the state of the world as it is#having the only threat to your life be yourself felt so privileged and trite and shameful#but doing this comic made me sit down and process things in full#and im just. very grateful i didn't give in to my thoughts back when i sincerely felt i'd be more useful to the world dead#i also feel the need to say that this wont represent everyone's battle with mental illness. its unfortunately different for all of us#there is no fix-all#and im afraid this might be one of those comics that either resonates a lot or misses the target by a mile#i made it for myself foremost. and now that its done im glad i did it#thank you for reading#and please stay alive#stillindigo art#stillindigo comics
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It's never enough it's never enough it's never enough
#windyart#comic#the hollowridge disaster#knife#adriel#hes there again in the most abstract way possible#uhhhh#eyestrain#self harm#for that one page bc its preddy obvious#even if i accidentally covered it up a little#ummmmm turn ur phone brightness on for this one tee hee#that first link is comicfury the second link is the song!!!#blood#gore#just in case#long post#maybe???
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THIRTEEN 2003, dir. Catherine Hardwicke
#thirteen#thirteen 2003#thirteenedit#filmedit#movieedit#fyeahmovies#filmreel#doyouevenfilm#filmgifs#2000s#self harm tw#drugs tw#y2k#gifs*#evan rachel wood#nikki reed#catherine hardwicke#idk who to tag in this sry#this film had a lot of impact on me bc it came out when I was about 13 and tbh 13-year-olds had no business watching this#the directing choices make the setting of tracy's downward spiral disturbing and its super good unfortunately#it makes sense that catherine hardwicke did this film and twilight she loves a crusty cool toned filter and nikki reed
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i get that it's a fantasy, and i know most people mean it in the context of fantasy, but some corruption stuff on here doesn't feel like it's respecting the difference between play and reality. if you feel ashamed, afraid, disgusted, or in any way bad about a sex act you did or the kinks you're playing with, either before or after the act, the answer is not to "just edge and corrupt yourself more until the feeling goes away!" you can do genuine harm to your mental health that way. i worry a lot about the number of people, usually subs, who express what looks like sincere fear or unhappiness about a kink or the like who are met with waves and waves of strangers telling them to just do it more until they like it.
if you like [insert any kink here] but find that you feel gross in a bad way every time you do it, that's your body telling you that something isn't working here. it doesn't mean that you're bad or your partner(s) are bad, it just means that right now that kind of play isn't safe for you. maybe you need to work through some things in therapy and then it's fine. maybe it's something you can continue to fantasize about but it's not something you'll ever be able to safely play with IRL. maybe you just need to tweak the scene to avoid some specific triggers. the answer is not to keep forcing yourself to play in a way that leaves you feeling empty and hurt. that is self-harm.
again, i know that a lot of this shit is fantasy and people are just pretending, but if it isn't. if the porn you're watching or the play you're trying really does consistently make you feel ashamed or sad or gross or wrong, don't listen to the freaks who tell you to ignore your body's warning signs. take care of yourself.
#wren speaking!#i really do feel like this shit can be so dangerous#theres just so many young people on here and particularly the ones into hard kinks#are always flocked to by freaks who will encourage this flavor of self harm like its nothing#please take care of yourself. please do not ignore it when your body says 'i dont like this'
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Exit Strategy - Murderbot
Alt version with a different quote and blood under the cut
Network Effect - Bharadwaj
#the murderbot diaries#murderbot#self harm#self harm implied#blood#wound#I have finally gotten the confidence to move this out of discord purgatory and share it with the public#yes I know it specifically stated the logos were on its inorganic parts#and that it probably would have retracted or closed off its blood vessels before trying this#but angst#Also I drew this before I finalized my design for Murderbot#the claws are staying though because I am a filthy furry who hates drawing normal hands and fingers
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wish there were more self harm discussion/harm reduction spaces where it's actually destigmatised and not just a self-professed "safe space" that will chase you out if you don't express yourself according to a useless formulaic script or stereotype
#🐉#like i know no one can help me at the end of the day. its my choice what i do to my body.#but i get urges that i really wish i could express to anyone just to be understood and get them off my chest#without worrying theyll think im disgusting and shame me for daring to even think of doing that to myself#ughh.#self harm mention
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what if i gave rise leo BPD...
his anger manifests in the form of self-sabotage and self harm. he asks donnie to sound proof his room when they get to the new lair so he can wreck it without concerning everyone else. before that he'd sneak to the surface and wreck an already messy alleyway
his self harm is recklessness. he gets hurt in fights as much as he can and still get away with just a "please be more careful" lecture from raph
speaking of raph, his oldest brother is his favorite person. so when raph starts to brush him to the side and distrust him, he doesnt take it well. when he does something to impress raph and all he gets is "finally..." thats when he disappears for hours and comes back home with sore arms and usually some scrapes and many bruises
he becomes a medic because they can't ignore him if he helps them. plus he can get better at hiding his breakdowns if he can take care of his own injuries
he wants to be in the spotlight so bad until the spotlight shines on him and suddenly his skin fits wrong
splinter and raph brush it off as teenage hormones. donnie shuts it out. mikey is the first person to realize leo's moods aren't normal, but he doesnt want to confront the fact the bpd comes from trauma, so he tries to support leo as best he can
april doesnt realize how much leo's mood shifts until she spends a night in the lair and realizes that leo isn't as hyper as he presents himself. he tries to mask, but he's too tired and the sudden silence from leo throws april off. it creates a rift between them. even when leo is happier around april, she knows somethings wrong- knows its not quite as genuine as she thought.
she spends more time around donnie than leo and leo thinks its for the best. eventually all his brothers- all his family prefer spending time with someone thats not him. he tells himself its for the better- the less time they spend around him, the less likely he'll be upset around them and end up making them upset
leo convinces himself he's meant to be alone and puts his all into being the team medic and spends the rest of his time alone and dissociating. he hates being the leader- having everyones eyes on him all the time. watching him. waiting for him to mess up- to act out- to prove they were right not to trust him
.... idk.. just a thought
#rambles#hi its projection hours because yesterday was absolute shit#self harm#bpd#borderline#rottmnt#rise of the tmnt#rise leo#rottmnt leo#borderline leo#vent#<- just in case cuz all of this is projection#if i catch anyone talking shit about this disorder in the comments ill fucking fight you#bpd is fucking ass and the only fucking relief is living vicariously through my favs so im gonna do that#leo has a family and is rarely ever truly alone so theres your happy ending#might make him hypersexual as well but if i do anything with that its not gonna be on this blog
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the 141 recovering brainwashed!soap but he’s just a shell of his former self; never speaking, never moving without orders. he never even blinks; just stares straight ahead with his unnatural green eyes.
empty.
but ghost can't accept that.
price and gaz can't stand watching ghost torture himself day after day; visiting soap in his cell for hours at a time, trying anything he can think of to bring back his sergeant.
he shows him pictures of the 141 but soap thinks he's being given targets and moves to eliminate them before ghost stops him. he brings him his journal, tries to trigger his innermost thoughts and feelings he never shared with any of them, but after he reads it, soap summarises it like he's giving a mission briefing. impersonal.
cold.
it's late when ghost finally calls it; low and defeated after another long day of being stared at with eyes that don't see him. he isn't thinking when he pulls his mask off and harshly scrubs over his face, grinding his palm into his eye.
"don't worry, johnny; we're still fixin' each other's problems," he promises, little more than a whisper as he tries to summon the energy to leave johnny behind. again.
he pushes himself to his feet, his hand on the door handle when-
"what's my problem?"
ghost freezes, something like grief - something achingly closer to hope - chilling him. he slowly turns and though soap is still starring ahead, there's a faint light in his altered green eyes.
"the mask," he forces out. "take it off."
he knows there's no way to remove the mask - the muzzle - from his sergeant's face. it's too high-tech, even for them; the biometric scanner too advanced for any bypass they know of.
it's just another way he's failed him; bringing him home still bound in their enemy's chains.
soap- jolts; a sharp, almost painful looking flinch jerking his body.
"show my face?" and his voice has changed; no longer the monotone delivery that's haunted ghost's every waking moment.
it's smaller. uncertain. recollection of a memory half-destroyed.
"yes, johnny," he breathes.
soap moves unprompted for the first time since they found him; running his finger along the edge of the muzzle where his skin bulges from the pressure, half-visible scars hidden beneath the harsh metal.
"ugly," he murmurs.
ghost immediately shakes his head, almost stumbling back to the table; haphazardly throwing his mask on it. "quite the opposite," he insists.
it doesn't matter if he has no lower jaw left at all; johnny could never be ugly in his eyes.
agonisingly slowly, soap's eyes shift to the mask. he takes in the balaclava and hard shell skull like for all the times he's looked at it since his rescue, he never truly saw it. his lids fall in less of a blink and more stage curtains closing; slow, heavy, requiring effort and no small amount of strength to open once more
"good... to see you again..." he trails off, his hand shifting up to the top of his shaved head; nails digging unforgivingly into his scalp
"simon," ghost finishes for him; that horrid grieving hope tearing at his heart
soap's fingers flex and a drop of blood trails down his forehead, over the ridge of his nose to catch on the muzzle. "s-simon..."
his nails dig deeper, the drop falling to the table just to be followed by more and ghost aches to stop him but he's terrified to interrupt him. terrified to lose him now when he's so close to something.
soap's bloodied nails scratch down the crown of his head, following the line of his stolen mohawk until they come to rest on the back of the muzzle and ghost's heart drops.
they can’t get it off.
they can't get it off and he doesn't know how to explain that to soap; doesn't know if he can stomach watching soap pull at the monstrosity holding him captive, the inevitable bloodbath as the edges cut into his skin.
"show my face," soap repeats.
"johnny..." ghost begins weakly, reaching out to him but he doesn't know how, doesn't know if he even should-
the muzzle clatters onto the table.
the biometrics they couldn't bypass, the fingerprint they needed that they were so sure belonged to makarov.
it belonged to soap.
how cruel to torture him with freedom he didn't understand he could take; didn't even understand he could want.
just the kind of sick game makarov loves.
ghost doesn't know what's louder; his heart pounding in his ears or the long, uninhibited breath soap takes.
his eyes fall shut as he leans his head back with it, the blood still dripping down his face as he straightens through his exhale. his lower jaw is a mess of scars where he fought against the previous iterations of the muzzle, the corners of his lips cut through and cracked.
but the green in his eyes is duller; that light sparking brighter as blue struggles to break through the glow.
ghost's never seen anything so beautiful.
"good to see you again, johnny."
#cw self harm#self harm#guess who’s still on a brainwashed!soap kick!#the ending of wall-e but make it ghoap#you know when walle resets & eve brings all of his stuff he showed her at the beginning of the movie and its the song that brought him back?#fun fact i dont actually like callbacks all that much#i think they can be cheesy and kind of shoehorned#and unless its done a decent amount of time after the initial thing it can feel rushed and inauthentic#but im all over them when it comes to amnesia aus#its the ‘im with you til the end of the line’ effect#but the reversal of ghost finding so much comfort and safety in his mask#being confronted by soap whos been forced into one against his will to strip him of his autonomy and humanity#it makes me froth at the mouth i swear#muzzles in general make me feral#i am not immune to the dog analogies#coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt#we’re a team. ghost team#soapghost#ghostsoap#ghoap#simon ghost riley#ghost cod#john soap mactavish#soap cod#cod fic#save post
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so. that final run through the house, huh.
#the file name for this is infact 'fuck u looking so crazy for“ which i thought of immediately after drawing this expression#because damn#anyways haha. kicks a rock to the side. how u guys doing...#in stars and time#isat#in stars and time spoilers#isat spoilers#my art#um.#tw self harm#tw scopophobia#idk. if you know the game its self harm and even then in this its just like. non graphic bc pretty stars. lol#idk man
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vampire au- damage control
#cw self harm#cw off screen self harm#cw blood#cw injury#cw reopened scars#shadow blushing is not romantic its shame#sonic the hedgehog#sth#shadow the hedgehog#sonic au#vampire au#sonadow#< only tagging bc they are partners at the time of this happening
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something to recognize that choosing recovery again and again is difficult work, and you are not weak for faltering
#comics#hey proud of myself for completing a multi page comic even if its not that long#i realized i tend to operate under made up rules about the art in a comic being super consistent and it limits me#so i tried letting myself be looser with it :>#i hope this makes sense let me know what u think i feel so incoherent lately#hope everyone is doing well !!! havent been v active but i just got a flatbed scanner so i should be able to post some drawings soon :O#been UNWELL super unemployed i am in the slime i am seeing the skull#digital art#autobio comics#ask to tag#self harm cw#self harm tw#addiction cw#addiction tw
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[ cw: death mention / strangulation mention / stabbing mention / blood mention / self-sacrifice / codependency mention in tags / ]
I think a lot about how common it is for Raph to be the one to have direct focus put on him when Leo gets into all his near death experiences.
Like, when Leo is thrown off a building, it’s Raph who’s right there jumping after him, not even thinking about the consequences to himself when he does. When Leo almost gets skewered by the Krang, Raph’s right there to take the blow and send Leo to safety without a second thought. When Leo’s being strangled to near death, it’s a Krangified Raph doing the job, doing exactly what Raph would never, ever want to do. When Leo is telling Casey Jr to close the portal, it’s Raph who tries desperately to convince Leo otherwise.
Likewise, Leo is consistently very single minded when Raph gets forcibly separated from them. Both when in the sewers and by the Krang, Leo is dead set on finding Raph first and foremost.
I also think it’s interesting that during each of Leo’s near death experiences, the lightheartedness of his words during them goes directly hand in hand with both how close Raph is to him physically and how much danger Raph is also in in that moment. From a literal “I told you so” as Leo’s falling away from Raph to a soft joke about how “hero moves” are Raph’s style - both of these are on the more morbidly carefree side and both of these notably take Leo farther away from Raph and, in turn, have Raph not in immediate danger.
On the other side of things is the apology from Leo, heedless of the danger he himself is in as he seriously and genuinely speaks to a Krangified Raph face to face. Then there’s Leo’s freezing and desperation as Raph takes a hit meant for him and sends just Leo to safety, leaving Raph himself behind. Both of these involve much closer proximity and Raph being directly harmed - these together make Leo much more vulnerable in his words and actions, something not even the threat of death can make him.
These two care about each other so much, and they’re way too much alike for their own good.
#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rottmnt raph#rise raph#rottmnt leo#rise leo#honorable mention to the time Leo desperately tried throwing himself into harm’s way to get to Karai#and Raph is the one who has to pull him back#I also think that it’s interesting how both of them go about self sacrifice#because wow they both have problems with it#Raph’s tends to be immediate reactions not even thinking as he throws himself over his bros#Leo’s are often shown to be ‘for the greater good’ (said greater good often being his family)#once again I am saying that post movie these two would likely have codependency issues#considering Raph’s already present acute seperation anxiety and Leo’s immediate memory of Raph standing over him bleeding#another thing to mention is how Future Leo’s actual death still falls into the whole ‘morbidly lighthearted words’ category#I also wanna point out that in Many Unhappy Returns the trust that Leo wants so much does NOT come from Splinter but from RAPH#side note but in regard to the fighting that Raph and Leo were up to during the time between the shredder and the krang#I think it’s interesting that it’s NOT depicted as screaming matches - very blatantly not this actually#also also! I totally love how the movie parallels Oroku Saki and Karai with Raph and Leo respectively#there are so many parallels in general in this show+movie it makes me froth at the mouth#and because it breaks my heart - the beginning of the movie had Raph getting angry at Leo and lashing out at him#the end of the movie has the Krang very very angry at Leo and lashing out at him#both of these times has Leo ‘ruining’ a mission so…bad parallels#in the movie as well there’s a Krangified Raph who beats Leo senseless#so I have to wonder if Raph and Leo just…can’t roughhouse anymore#else Leo would flinch or Raph would be so scared to accidentally hurt Leo like he was already used to do before#then suddenly their usual dynamic of Raph never having to be softer with Leo is thrown on its head#worse is if they’re so terrified of this dynamic leaving that they power through their own sufferings to maintain it
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but also like. guys you don’t need to leave the minecraft youtube community bc one person is bad to clarify. like. shelby is a minecraft youtuber. a lot of her friends are minecraft youtubers. those friends are supportive and as far as we know all believe her. the vast majority of minecraft youtubers are like. fine. this shit is something that Happens because Abusers are Manipulative, going to another hobby will Not shield you from anything and you’re not immoral for liking something bad people also liked. which is. one of the biggest video games ever. like in this situation no one was knowingly harbouring an abuser and it seems everyone was supportive. this is just a case of some people being shit, not anything to do with mcyt. hell, the guy hasn’t been on minecraft in like a year lmao.
i fully understand why the content might be uncomfortable to you guys now but like, please don’t self flagellate and cut yourself off from an entire genre of media because of one guy again. i saw that happen after the dream stuff and a lot of people ended up losing important things because they made rash decisions and felt like they Had to leave. but please. take one deep fucking breath. this has happened before. this has happened so much before, and in ways far worse than this. because abusers, unfortunately, exist. you should not feel guilty for being manipulated by a manipulative abuser, don’t blame yourself. do what you have to, but please, please keep in mind that the majority of minecraft youtube is fine. it is fine to continue engaging with it. it’s fine to be manipulated by an abuser and it’s not your fault. please don’t make rash decisions and end up losing things you care deeply about and being unable to get them back. distance yourself all you want, but please be careful to not do so out of emotional self harm from the guilt. that’s something this fandom encourages far too much- even outside of this- and it’s unhealthy and anyone expecting it of you is cruel.
#mcyt#abuse tw#i guess this is discourse idk but like#this happened two years ago and the amount of people who realised cutting themselves off from All mcyt was self harm and came back#only to have lost a lot of content they created and valued because they wanted to punish themselves for trusting a predator#and like. you’re victim blaming yourself. obviously you are not anywhere near as much a victim as The victim#but being manipulated into supporting abusers is still something that is an action they take to harm others#Being used as a tool to silence others unknowingly is a cruel thing and can be traumatic to go through#its honestly really concerning as someone working on their own emotional self harm to see it. like this isn’t about anyone in specific but#guys. emotionally self harming isn’t helping. you don’t need punishment. breathe and think through things.
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#in stars and time#in stars and time siffrin#isat#isat spoilers#in stars and time spoilers#isat siffrin#tw self harm#or like its implied?#this is post game so hes bandaged up#in stars and time isabeau#in stars and time odile#in stars and time mirabelle
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#22.01.23#3239#ok here's a real bummer one i'm sorry that this is so fast after i resume posting. bad timing#just very lousy day etc i'm fine. finer than that#its all just implied but i'll try to add tags warnings just in case if i can do it right i never the right format hang on#self harm#cw self harm#negativity
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