#its not really exactly angst since it wasnt something sad

[abstract-crossverse]

Hello! I'd like to make a request.. I need. So I wanted to have a Phobos x Reader done, and I have some small details I'd like for the reader personality, and I'd really enjoy a story with angst! The personality is bold, willing to take risks, but does it to the point of being too reckless, and wouldn't want to be loyal to anyone. This includes Phobos. Other than this little detail everything is free game! Hope this isn't too major of a request though c:

the man, the myth, the legend, the fruit rollup

not at all bestie! Im not really in the mood for angst but I can try my best for u <3/p

Just letting you know there will be fluff somewhere in this, u know me

Midway writing Mask: holy fuck this is long, the rest of the fic will be under the cut!

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Daring - Phobos x Reader // [fic | angst/comfort?]

Its been a good few months since you met the Director, you met him in a battlefield.. well- sort of-

He was taking a small stroll when you bumped into each other, he heard a bit of quiet struggle coming from an alleyway, curiosity taking the best of him, he sneaked over to investigate

Upon peeking in the alleyway, you and two thugs were fighting, you had just accidentally stumbled upon something you werent meant to see, and the first instinct they had was take you off the face of the earth

You didnt back down a single turn, as much as they had done a number to you, eventually you took both of them down by smashing their heads hard together, both falling unconscious on the hard cement floor

As you took a moment to catch your breath, you spotted the Director's red goggle staring right at you

You stepped back as he made himself more visible by walking into the alleyway, clenching your jaw and balling your fists, you knew who he was, of course you did, his 'face' is all over the city

But that wasnt going to stop you from fighting if things went south

"I must say, I am impressed by your resistance to those two." He spoke, voice echoing through the mostly empty alleyway

"your fighting could use improvement, however." With a smirk behind his bandaged mouth, he held back a chuckle

You sneered, face scrunched up in annoyance as you wiped the blood off your mouth with the back of your hand

"what do you care? Dont you have important matters to attend to?"

"shut your mouth, peasent, and know your place." In a blink, he was right in front of your face, roughtly grabing your chin to force you to look up at him before shoving your head back

You grunted as you hit the scraps behind you, annoyance becoming anger, you got back on your feet

"what? the grand Director doesnt know how to mind his own business?~" you mocked, a smirk growing on your face as you glared

"Daring, are we?" His tone darkened as he loomed over you, you crossed you arms "you clearly dont know who you are talking to."

"oh no, I do, I just dont give a shit." You simply stated as you tried to step around him to leave, but suddenly he grabbed your arm, and threw you to the wall, you yelped with a hiss by the impact

When you looked, he was looming over you again, arms placed on the wall beside your head, making both of your faces be extremely close

"oh but you should care, I could kill you right here right now and no one would do anything about it."

"do it. You wont." You glared as you leaned forward a bit, the movement made Phobos' head reel back slightly

The tension around you both was think enough to cut with a knife, neither of you broke the eye contact for what felt like hours, soon enough, Phobos scoffed

"You're too daring, that'll get you in bigger trouble one day."

"I like taking risks."

"your risks are dangerous."

"why do you care?"

"I dont-"

"then why are you trying to scold me?"

That managed to make him reel back a bit again, speechless, you had a point but he wasnt going to back down..

".. I am not 'trying', I AM scolding you."

"yeah but why? Im not a child."

"you sure act like one."

"says the man with cape so long it almost trails on the ground-"

"Shut. Your. Mouth."

"shut me up then."

Your retorts were... Amusing, to him, sure, its a bit annoying but this was quite entertaining, he dwelled in his thoughts, so many ways to make you shut up without killing you... How could he chose one?

No one was around anyway, so his image wouldnt be damaged if he did anything... He focused back on you, quickly placing a hand on your mouth and the other pressing your abdomen againt the wall so you couldnt flail as easy

You were a bit shocked, he actually shut you up, you didnt think he had the nerve, but now youre stuck, bickering didnt seem like such a good idea now that you thought about it. Your hands gripped his wrist, trying to pry his hand off your mouth, useless, how is his grip so steady??

".... Your arguments are childish... But your attitude is of steel, you could prove useful within Nexus Core.."

You could only glare at his stupid bandaged face, growling under your breath "say, why dont you join me? Become an agent, be respected.. win power? Of course it'll pay you very well too."

You struggled within his grasp, finally, he uncovered your mouth, his hands returned to it's previous spots on the wall

"... Thank you for considering me for this position. Unfortunately I can’t accept the proposal right now, maybe if I decide to be loyal to some faction for once I'll consider it."

And as quick as you said that, you ducked, slipped below his arms and out of his trap, making your way out of the alleyway while wiping the dried blood off your face.. damn you really needed some ice

You left the Director there, genuinely too stunned to speak, no one has ever left him like this, or turned down a power offer... Are stupid or up to something? He couldn't tell.. whatever, you loss, dont come crying to him when you need a job

Which leads you to current times, you both bumped into each other a few more times across these months, you both still butted heads a little, snarky remarks and small comments everyone around you both flinched to, and where extremely surprised when the Director did nothing but retort it, usually he'd behead anyone who said such things

Yet, he seemed to humor you, not even the Director seemed to know why he did so, since upon carefully asked, he would always take a moment to think and then shrug it off, ordering the person not to ask about it again. some began spreading a few rumors

'do you think they're together? Like, dating-'

'thats the only logical solution, why would the director not killed them for saying those things?'

'what if they're old friends?'

'what if they're family?'

They spread like fire in dry grass

It was oddly enervating to walk around and hear a few whispers about you and the Director's relationship, you sighed, sipping on the boba tea you had just gotten, keeping a few of the pearls in your mouth and took out the straw on your drink, you turned the the whispering grunts behind you, aiming with the straw in your mouth and shooting the pearls at them

It was hilarious, the pearls struck to their clothes and faces, they panicked at the sudden feelings and frantically patted themselves, you chuckled and shoved the straw back in its hole

A waste of pearls, but a worth it one. You sipped your drink again as you began making your way to the local park, maybe just relaxing on a bench will get you some peace

Passing by an alleyway, you caught something from the corner of your eye, you quirked a brow as you looked into the alleyway, too dark to see anything... Maybe your eyes were playing tricks on yo-

Hands grabbed your arms from the darkness, pulling you into the shadow filled alleyway, you dropped your drink and it splattered on the ground, the only sign that your were even standing there at all

You struggled against the grip, freeing one of your arms and punching the unknown figure, fight or flight kicking in as you frantically tried to free yourself from the person, a smart idea would be screaming, but that could only attract more of this figure's friends

And you were right, for the most part, you felt more hands grab you, restraining you as much as you struggled

"who the hell are you?! What do you want-!!" You yelled, kicking and flailing, however, the only response you earned was hits. They punched your chest once you yelled, you chocked, coughing and wheezing for air knocked out of you, they continued to beat you up;

.

.

.

Phobos was one yet another stroll around his precious city, fresh air is good for you, after all.

As he walked along the sidewalk, he was lost in his thoughts, why did he put up with your attitude?... It was confusing to him, he never put up with that kind of attitude until you came along

You were... Interesting... Daring... No one's ever been so... Reckless, to say such things to him...

Your challenging tone.. your stupid smug grin.. playful glare whenever you decided to snark at him.. the way you crossed your arms and raised your head, not only to look up at him, but as if to say 'I win this argument'... It drove him crazy

He sighed aggravatedly, how dare you cause such an effect on him... What did you do to make him feel this way? Were you a Magiturge and cursed him or something? Why did he feel warm whenever you looked at him? Why did he feel so flustered when you spoke in that- smooth stupid little tone you did when retorting him??

Was he dying???-

The feeling of stepping into something soft and wet snapped him out of his thoughts, he didnt step into dog shit while he wasnt paying attention, did he?

Looking down, he noticed those where boba pearls and tea... He had just cleaned these boots, god damnit..-

His head snapped to the alleyway beside him, hearing the faint sound of grunting and gasping, along with the sound of fists punching something

Once again, curiosity gets the best of him, the sounds sound far, must be deep into the corner... He takes cautious steps in, surprisingly quiet for someone so huge

At this moment he's glad he asked for his goggle to have a night vision mode to it when he did, pressing a small button on the side of his goggle, he blinked as his vision got adjusted to the green hues

At the end of the alleyway, he saw a group of grunts beating up another, restrained by two others, now thats unfair. He turned his head away before he had to double take, looking back- wait... That was you..!

.

... Oh...

Within seconds, he found himself running full speed at the one punching you, charging a puch at the guy, who went flying by the impact and into a wall, his friends who weren't holding you attempted to stab him, he dodged quickly, taking out his sword and beheading them just as quick, turning to the two retraining you, he yanked one by the head and threw him across the alley, they other was stabbed through the chest as they attempted to run away

Oh now that just wont do...

He breathed heavily, fists clenched as he came down from the small adrenaline rush, hearing a soft thud and heavy breathing near him, he looked over, calming down slightly at seeing you just fell from your standing position... He sheeted his sword again

Jesus... The really did a number on you...

Meanwhile, you were internally freaking out, you gasped for the air previously knocked out of you, you wouldnt be able to fight too well in your state if whoever this new figure was tried to kill you

You felt them kneel in front of you, you looked up quickly, just to be met with a bright red light... You knew that light...

"... Ph- Phobos?-.." you chocked out, strained from the pain, you saw the glow of his goggle highlight a few of his own features in the darkness, parts of his bandages and helmet slightly in view, as well as your own face from him looking at you

"yes... I am here, [Name].. my stars, they really fucked you up, havent they?.."

You let out a strained laugh "no shit.. Sherlock..." You said, wiping the blood from your nose with your hand

You felt his hand brush a strand of your hair off your face, your breath hitched as you snapped your attention back to him

Your eyes met, for a few moments, it felt like you werent just beat to pulp, it felt like only you and him existed as his hand lingered on your cheek, you subconsciously leaned into his touch, his hand was so warm...

"... What... Are you doing...?"

He didnt answer, only wiping the blood seeping from the corner of your lips, you felt your blood rush to your cheeks with a strained inhale

You soon felt your eyes heavy, you struggled to keep conscious. Noticing this, he gently picked you up bridal style, that waked up up a bit more

"wh-.. what are you.. doing-..." You weakly gripped the hem of hi cape, feeling being to high off the ground you slightly feared falling, even if he wasnt going to let you fall

"getting you to a medic." He simply responded, and began walking out of the alleyway, you sighed, slightly pushing his chest

"I can- I can walk.." you insisted, he stopped, deadpanning down at you

"you can barely hold yourself awake, I dont buy that." he said in a monotone, then continued walking, you groaned, giving up and just leaning your head on his shoulder, keeping your breathing steady as you relaxed... You felt safe... He was so warm...

You nuzzled into him and closed you eyes, he gently poked your arm with one of his hands

"dont pass out now. I want you alive."

You hummed, looking tiredly up at his glowing monogoggle

"what'd'you mean 'want me alive'..? What'd'ya want me for...?" He seemed to tense slightly, and just kept quiet, you figured he had no answer to that, too tired to argue, you just hummed again and relaxed, sighing quietly... A nap wont be so bad right..?

He wont notice... Right?... You closed your eyes, and almost immediately gave into unconsciousness...

.

.

.

.

You slowly fluttered your eyes open, groaning at your sore body and bright lights in the room you were in... Where even are you?-

You tried to sit up to look at your surroundings, though you felt a hand pushing you gently back down

"dont sit up, you need to rest."

Oh.. yeah, Phobos.

You looked to your side, low and behold, there he is, looming over you with his height as always, you gave him a confused dazed look, he took his hand off once you were fully laying down again and leaned back on the chair he sat on beside your bed, he let out an aggravated sigh

".. do you know the scare you gave me?"

You blinked

"you almost gave me a heart attack when you passed out.. I thought your heart actually gave out..." He spoke in a cold and monotone tone, almost as if holding back anger, or any other feeling from seeping into his words... It kind of squeezed your heart

"d'aww.. was little Phooby worried about me?~" you mocked weakly, a grin on your face with a small laugh, he grumbled, lightly pinching your arm

"do not call me that." You giggled again, he sighed "even after being beaten to pulp, you still have your childish behavior...do you know what that was about?"

"hm? The weirdos? Uhm... Not sure..." Your gaze traveled up to the ceiling as you tried to remember... The fight was most of a blur "... I cant remember..."

"hm.. maybe they tried to kidnap you for blackmailing me over those stupid rumours, extremely poor execution.. amateurs." He scoffed and shook his head, you chuckled, looking back at him with a tired smile

".. thank you."

"hm?"

"thanks.. for saving me back there... Even if I would've gotten control of the situation soon enough-"

"uhuh, sure you would've.. you're very welcome."

He got up, the chair creaking in relief, he held his hands behind his back

"well, I shall leave you to rest.. I believe you know how to call a doctor if anything's to happen." He began to make his way to leave the room, you just watched, slightly upset to see him go. You hummed, gaze returning to the ceiling as you began to doze off again

Phobos looked back at your half unconscious form on the bed, he stared for a moment until you gave into sleep

".... Rest well, [Name]...."

===================================

[misqnon]

i stopped reading usosan fanfic for this (actually i was happy to stop bc it was smut and i wasnt in the mood to read smut but was too lazy to look for non smut)

I KNOW.. PLEASE .. why does only sanji get to be free .. im so sad for them. reiju the literal (former) child soldier and pudding with no one to care for her and love her. i assume theyll come back in the cover stories. .. please oda... pls..

"UR RIGHT NO SHAME….PUTS MY YAOI PROUDLY ON THE FRIDGE" YEAH!!!! YEAHHH!!!!

NOO AHDNSBF.. i can relate though i always do exactly what im warned not to do

"it was all me. next i will be asking the size of katakur- [gunshots]" NOO HOW COULD THEY SILENCE U LIKE THIS ... dont worry I'll ask in ur place

u cant put improper french in ur fanfic!!!!

reading the water 7 arc when usopp splits always kills me inside... it hurts so bad. i hope that if/when sanji and zoro fight, its THAT emotionally impactful. like all the hidden meanings and . angst.. i want good angst. if they do actually get into a fight To The Death, i dont think anyone but luffy could stop them. i could also imagine theyre fighting to the death and like . what stops them is someone in the crew is put into mortal peril and theyre forced to work together (bc that's always how it goes). what they should actually do is sit down and talk about their feelings... with a mediator perhaps....

"but why does shuggy feel like one of the most likely to me." IT DOES TO ME TOO!!! like the subtext... is there... it is so much There.

"that is canon shuggy to me. oda doing it kinda halfheartedly in a roundabout way for laughs but the fandom is popping bottles (we popping the BIGGEST bottles when shuggy happens tomorrow-)" YEAH i think even if this is the case its a win. canon gay old guys??? who have been pining after each other (well mostly shanks pining after buggy) for what .. 25 years?? that would be amazing..

"do u think zoro will get more development of him as a character by the end of the story?" i do!!! i think he needs a bit more depth tbh. like he is a wonderful character and im not saying he should have a sadder backstory or something but. to me rn i think hes a bit more two dimensional compared to the rest of the crew. like yeah simplicity is wonderful but i think to me hes less.. of a simple character.. and more like a character that needs to have more emotional highs/lows. i know i could love him so much more if i just ... knew him better. anyways i think its coming bc there have been some realizations involving his character? backstory? recently. and i assume oda knows that he could use more emotional depth. stoic and aloof characters are fine but i think the real appeal is when u get to see into their mind for a second and understand who they really are as a person

sexualize him to the point the audience wonders if hes actually a woman

thank u for watching my 4kids sanji video. i actually have like 5 videos saved of trace heatfist because he is so weirdly attractive in the 4kids dub but i will spare u. also idk if uve heard 4kids luffy but imo his voice is way better than the funimation dub???

"WHILE CONNECTED to a GIANT PROJECTOR…THIS briefly flashed on the screen before i frantically clicked away. no one saw but i. i did." this is EXTREMELY FUNNY. i really enjoy embarrassing stories because i find my own embarrassing stories very funny (when i tell them to other people)

brainwash everyone into believing sanji one piece is gay in SOME way.. ur doing gods work

i love how not normal u are about him

"(nodding) no go on what animal parts" see if u had read dungeon meshi i could reference it and everything would be so much easier, BUT YOU HAVENT /lh /teasing

ok but i have been obsessed with animals since i was a kid (especially lions and wolves (special interest go brr)) so probably lotta lion parts... because theyre cooler looking than wolves. and also just give me wings for good measure. i want to fly. nevermind that wings are meant for lightweight creatures. these are magic wings. its one piece..

i saw u post abt nightcrawler and i was never really into x men but hes pretty

i stared at the law comic... for.... like... 10 minutes.... rhank u ... for putting that onto my . feed

YEAH HES 6'3. actually hes the shortest warlord, tied with boa hancock. 6 feet tall is short in one piece

"gay art markets" already intrigued.

THATS SO COOL AJJDHSDJ.. i have been to a few anime cons and i dont remember?? ever seeing any law's??? its very sad .. i went the year before last year i think. i did see a huge furry one time (at the anime con). they looked like they were 7 feet tall. it was really exciting. and intimidating. that weird mix of the two. i am 5'3 for reference.. like wow. u are huge.....

"i love ur insane thoughts pls continue to share."

"i will do the same someday when i am less shy and ashamed of my unhinged fandom thoughts" pls do!! share ur own!! (when ur comfortable!!) i will not judge .. this is a judgement free zone. and also a shaming free zone

"such as making zoro amvs to abba in my head on the way to therapy." u are so powerful...

"thats a line my therapist actually said in response to something i did once." ur therapist sounds cool wtf. i never got a cool therapist

YEAH I SAW PPL TALK ABT IT SO I RECOGNIZED THE POSSIBLE CROCODILE.. i saw someone say croc was gonna be... some white dude.. and internally i was crying.. how could u do that to him

thank u for ur sacrifice

(watched the video) omg its prozd!!!! i love stuart.... Stuart.. stuart little.. ???? no wonder he got along with mice

YEAH I HEARD THAT TOO?? LIKE WTF IS HAPPENING... its cuz crunchyroll is funding ...

did my meme image come off as ambiguous. i asked my friend if it was ambiguous and they said no.. but i had nothing wlse....

robin canonically having touched (crushed) franky's balls for an extended period of time is so weird to me. thats what i think abt when i see naked franky..

p.s. i will add u there... my discord is something like. stupid.. stinky... or something... i dont remember. u saw the doflamingo snail just remember that. oh wait i also have my name as my name. ok. i forgot about that.

send me ur sanji pics .

rowan i am honored 

ok that gives me a question tho. i feel like u mentioned sanuso before and im curious. do people?? have ships with characters in them that they dont like?? like before i converted u. i feel like i could never like a ship that had a character i disliked in it. or at the very least i would grow to like both the characters

THE COVER STORIES i didnt think about that!! yes…oda please…i know u havent forgotten about reiju bc u put her in that one really fruity chapter cover with tashigi for some reason…

to all the haters that i dont have….but my silence. for $5,000 a month,

APPARENTLY NOT the french in my fic is all now double checked….to my embarrassment 

TRUE IT WOULD BE LIKE THE USOPP SPLIT…and yea. that moment WAS a lot. i think i teared up. there are a lot of “crewmate almost leaves the crew” moments and i think a fight between two strawhats (which has also happened before! but usually at least one of them is luffy!) could feel similarly. i like ur interpretation of how it could go too…there’s this trope in zosan fanfics where robin ALWAYS is all up in there business trying to mediate them and i both love it and hate it lmao. like yea she probably would notice but also why does she always gotta be ur guys’ therapist….and in canon. for a moment like that. it would probably have to be luffy wouldnt it??

oda: haha guys i made buggy gay isnt that Funny

the fandom: [hooting and hollering]

I AGREE COMPLETELY ABT ZORO. HE DOES NEED JUST A BIT MORE EMOTIONAL DEPTH. MAKE HIM GO THROUGH SOMETHING…stoic and cool characters REALLY DO need a moment where they ARENT STOIC AND COOL to be more well-rounded…and zoro hasnt really gotten that since that one time he cried at baratie like a thousand chapters ago (literally). and that was a very brief moment. he and robin can be similar and enies lobby is what made everyone love her more…when is zoro’s enies lobby. i dont actually need an entire arc like that for him (i mean i'd love that but i dont expect it) BUT AT LEAST GIVE HIM SOMETHING!!

“sexualize him to the point the audience wonders if hes actually a woman” already there babes 🫡 just doing my part

DID. DID THEY ACTUALLY CALL HIM TRACE HEATFIST IN THE 4KIDS DUB…ARE U SERIOUS RN…IVE NEVER HEARD THAT BEFORE PLEASE SAY SIKE. i just looked up luffy’s voice as well AND I LIKE THE VOICE ITSELF A LITTLE BETTER?? BUT THE VOICE ACTING IS….HM. 

THE GALLERY I WORK AT IS SUPER CHRISTIAN I THOUGH GAY SANJI WAS GONNA GET ME FIRED ZJBFVHDCSKJ it was. it was so funny afterwards tho. i will share embarrassing stories like my life depends on it

“i love how not normal u are about him” 

IM SORRY MY FRIEND KEEPS TRYING TO GET ME TO READ DUNGEON MESHI BUT IM TOO BUSY READING ONE PIECE 😭😭😭 lion…and wings…so u want to be a griffin 👁️

not 6’3 and shortest warlord. dkjnvkjnfvkj

i love the gay art markets. also NO LAWS?? I THOUGHT HE WAS SUPER POPULAR…DIDN THE BEAT OUT ZORO IN THE POPULARITY POLLS ONE TIME

“i will not judge .. this is a judgement free zone.” WRONG bangs my sanji gavel. 

my therapist IS very cool she makes fun of me but in a good way and also makes me laugh. and i make her laugh. bc i am ridiculous. i got very lucky

i dont think theyve made any casting choices for s2 publicly yet so…we will See..

STUART KILLED ME but so did “HIS NAME IS LUFFY! THAT’S Monkey Luffy” its been playing in my head. also sanji’s love for mice/rats makes me fucking insane bc its the cutest thing on earth. that scene where he’s completely enamored by a rat that’s sitting in a woman’s shirt and he is completely ignoring the woman. for the rat 😭 SANJI LOVES MICE MORE THAN WOMEN CONFIRMED-

no but i saw clips of that scene and about cried. same to that mouse wedding he attended in a drawing request oda did kfnvkjd. can u imagine the first time they get rats in the galley and they’re all expecting sanji to freak and kill them and then they walk in and he’s made them tiny stir fry and is calling them cutesy names. they would be like. 😮

also all the fan content ive seen where ratatouille is his favorite movie. ANYONE CAN COOK!!!!! 😭

AMBIGUOUS?? I DONT THINK SO? I liked it. we turn a sad into a frrAAANKKYYYYYYYY

and god i try not to think about it but also. ROBIN WHYYY WAS THAT THE FIRST THING YOU THOUGHT OFFFF SHE IS INSANE. SHE’S SO WEIRD.  

EVIL(ER) CROCODILE NX KJDC

I ADDED U ON DISCORD!!!! sanji pics…breathes in…i will add a couple more here but. should i send some on discord as well. is that how i break the ice. images of sanji with his ass up in the air (my collection)

also check out how much this dude can cry!!! (laughing but also crying):

[kageyuji]

shortening his name except he thinks you called him another guy’s name

⤷ oikawa, bokuto, atsumu, suna, mattsun ; [gn!reader]

GENRE/WARNINGS: comfort(?), angst if you squint hard enough, mild swearing

NOTES: i will literally offer my hand in marriage if you reblog. and thank you to @/sugawaaras for giving me the idea for mattsun’s <33

━━ OIKAWA

even though he tried to be confident, in reality, his self confidence sat on a throne built from things he told himself in the mirror and compliments he never believed

so its not a surprise that his first reaction just... isn’t one. he’ll stop and replay it over and over again in his head to make sure he’d heard you correctly

and then his heart breaks — it actually hurts him, makes him feel like he can’t breath, and before he even knows it theres tears in his eyes

of course, he knows you’re never supposed to let the reason you’re crying see you crying

so he attempts to act like he’s more annoyed than that he just had his heart just obliterated

it’s not a secret though. through the pain in his eyes, anyone can see the shattered remnants of what was once his heart

“ru, can you grab my phone for me?” you called to your boyfriend from the couch, remembering that you’d left your phone in the other room.

it was quiet for a moment; not long enough for you to ask if he was okay, but long enough that the silence was odd. you heard heavy footfalls again, then saw oikawa standing just inside the room with a clear look of betrayal on his face.

“what?” you asked him, wondering if he was kidding around. you hadn’t done anything, there was no reason why he’d actually be upset with you.

as he stepped closer to you, you could see the tears whelling up in his eyes, and you were left to wonder what was wrong.

“what’s wrong? tooru, hey, are you ok?” your voice was much softer when you spoke this time. your heart dropped when you saw him step back at your step forward.

“so now you can call me by my name?” you think his voice was meant to be low and hostile, but in his struggle not to cry it came out strangled and cracked.

“what did... do you mean ‘ru?”

“yes! who the hell is that? if you wanted to-“

“no no, babe, your name is tooru. the last syllable of your name is ru. it’s just a shortening of your name, not someone else’s.”

you watched his lips form a smile and he let out something like a laugh, seemingly at his own confusion, and then the tears finally fell.

he’d walked into your arms soon after, with his arms wrapped tightly around you and his face buried in the crook of your neck

“sorry... sorry for not trust- trusting you, i just-” his sentence was cut through with sharp breaths and hiccups, and then finally stopped with your own voice.

“it’s alright, i didn’t mean to scare you. we can cuddle if you want, hm?”

he was already struggling to keep himself from fully breaking down. but when one of your hands came up to pet his hair, a whine left him — you think it was supposed to be an ‘mhm’ to your offer — and his hands gripped tightly at your shirt, his arms around you getting tighter.

━━ BOKUTO

he doesn’t miss a beat, immediately looking up at you to wonder if he’d heard you correctly

it’s just a small spike of anxiety at first, but the more he lets the foreign name resonate with him, the more it makes him worry

he has to build up the courage to ask you who the other guy is, because he can’t do it right away, he’s way too nervous

he looks so sad as well, puppy dog eyes looking at you, seemingly just slightly worried

unbeknownst to you, his heart is pounding in is chest and with each passing second, it runs the risk of shattering

“‘taro!” your voice was a giggle as he left little kisses all over you. they weren’t nearly enough to leave hickeys, just little pecks across your face, your neck, your chest.

as soon as the name left your lips though, he stopped, golden eyes snapping up to look at you with a pain you’d never seen in them before.

you could tell he was definitely upset about something, but you had no idea what it could be. hell, the way he looked at you, it was almost as though you were the reason.

of course, you were unaware that bokuto’s first thoughts went to rintaro, middle blocker from the famed inarizaki. suddenly he was thinking of every time you’d ever spoken about the team, said how many fan girls they had, how many games they’d won.

he wanted to say something. he really wanted to ask what you’d meant. but the words seemed caught in his throat.

it wasn’t long before he couldn’t take it though, and he pushed the words out, despite the alarms going off in his head and his heart immediately jumping to his throat.

“who is ‘taro?” you didnt think you’d ever heard him sound so small. so timid, so close to his voice cracking with the tears he was holding back, so... scared.

“you? who else? i can call you kou if you’d prefer that though. you don’t have to look so upset.”

bokuto smiled then, relaxing the weight on his arms enough so he was on top of you. he supported himself enough not to crush you, but there was nothing more he wanted in the world right now than to be held by you.

━━ ATSUMU

he liked to consider himself a tough guy. he liked to.

but there were times whenever his support fell, leaving his world to crumble in his hands, slipping through his fingers no matter how hard he tried to hold it all together

and when thought he heard a guy’s name that isn’t his own come from you, it felt just like one of those times

he was asking what you’d meant before his mind could even properly register your words

and by that point he didn’t care enough to replay the name in his head, his mind already caught up looking for the things he’d done wrong, the things he hadn’t done.

“oh, ‘umi, if you want to we can go to th-”

“what the hell?”

it surprised you how much venom laced his words, despite the fact that you’d done nothing wrong. the thought that he was being sarcastic or joking with you crossed your mind, but atsumu wasn’t exactly the best actor.

he couldn’t fake the look on his face, couldn’t fake how his heart had seemingly stopped just from the look in his eyes.

“what do you mean?” your voice was soft when you spoke now, no longer so nonchalant.

he lips pressed into a thin line and he set his jaw in frustration. it took him taking a deep breath to finally say, “you called me ‘omi.’ if you like-”

“tsumu.”

“no, i heard you, you called me omi. if- if theres...” he never finished his sentence. there was already a lump in his throat and he knew that if he were to say anything more, he’d cry.

“no, no. i called you umi. like your name just a little bit different.”

his face was drawn in a look on confusion. his eyes studied you, trying to look for any sign of you lying. but he trusted you, of course he trusted you.

he came over to hug you, his arms wrapped tightly around you. you heard him sniff, but you knew he’d deny crying if you asked him.

“i love you,” his voice made him sound so small, it was a level of weak and vulnerable you’d not seen from him.

“i love you too.”

━━ SUNA

the words “stay calm” had never been repeated in his head to himself so much

well, it was more like a string of curse words with “stay calm” thrown in occasionally, but he’d never felt so scared

the look on his face is annoyed at first, but it quickly starts to shift into one with a little more worry

he’s terrified, in all honesty. but he’s already told himself he’s not going to let you see that

“taro, can we stop by a corner store on the way home? i need something.”

your voice had been so calm. so why did it feel like his heart had just been ripped out of his chest?

he knew you hadn’t meant to. but why you’d even slipped and call him by another name in the first place worried him. it took him only a few seconds for his mind to land on bokuto koutarou.

bokuto koutarou, one of the top aces.

“well fuck you too i guess.” his tone may have been confused with one of anger at first, but you could tell that wasnt it. anger is a secondary emotion, you knew in reality he was hurt.

the only problem is, you didn’t know what. from his words you knew it was something you’d done. but there was nothing that came to mind.

“sorry? what did i do?”

suna hesitated for only a second before asking why you’d called him by another name. he took a deep breath immediately after speaking, your silence only breaking his heart more. as though it wasn’t already destroyed.

but your silence was born from shock and confusion, not being caught like suna had assumed.

“taro. like rintarou. like your name. who else would i be talking about?”

“uhm. koutarou? i don’t know, forget about it.” he’d never felt like a bigger jackass before; he never swore at you.

you smiled a little at his words and walked over to hug him. he hummed at that and pressed a small kiss to your temple, then buried his face into the crook of your neck.

“i didn’t mean to-”

“it’s ok, rin.”

━━ MATTSUN

he had to stop for a moment to let it sink in before he could react

after that there were too many emotions rushing through him to do anything for another few moments

in fact, his silence coupled with the distant, betrayed look on his face was somewhat unsettling

it takes him longer than he would like to question you, but it’s because he’s already preparing to collect his shattered heart after one of his worst fears becomes true

“why are you here?” mattsun heard iwaizumi’s voice and he smiled a little to himself, knowing that he must have been talking to you.

he’d been waiting for you all day, it seemed like forever since he’d last seen you. the only thing he wanted right now was to hold you.

“oh, i’m here to see ‘kawa!” you said happily. mattsun could hear the smile in your voice without even seeing you.

you were here for oikawa. of course you were here for starboy oikawa tooru, of course your boyfriend was just a stepping stone.

he was still frozen when you rounded the corner. the look on his face was concerning, you couldn’t remember the last time — if there ever was one — he’d looked absolutely terrified, the last time he looked so hurt.

“mattsun... are you ok?”

he didn’t answer you. it took him a few moments before he could finally speak, and even then his voice was different than it usually was. it was... pained? betrayed? whatever it was, you knew it wasn’t mattsun.

“did you really come here just to see oikawa? what happened to me being your boyfriend?”

it took you a few moments to try and understand what he was talking about. you’d never said that. hell, you always came for mattsun, not once had you ever spared oikawa a thought.

“no, babe. i said ‘kawa’, as in matsukawa.”

he seemed to melt at your words. that expression disappeared from his face, his body untensing. he moved to pull you into his arms, holding you close to himself with a desperation he’d not had before.

him thumb rubbed soothing circles on your back. you could tell he wanted to say something. but then he stopped right before the words left him, instead opting to make a joke to lift the mood.

“good, i was about to kick oikawa’s ass.”

“...we were having a moment.”

[nahoyaglock]

WHEN I STOP BREATHING..

pairings! ushijima x reader

summary! sitting on the beach, so close to each other they can hear each other’s heartbeats. They both smile and they watch the world end right in front of them, reminiscing on all they’ve been through together. Why does the end of the world look so beautiful?

genre! angst

word count! didnt bother actually counting so ill estimate maybe 2000+

warnings! end of the world, death, murder mention, slight ooc ushijima idk its the end of the world so pff

a/n! uh idk i wanna hurt people, sorry if this is bad i havent written in a while :p i feel like the beginning was really good, the middle was ass and the end was okay but hoh im happy enough w this. I also cried writing this ngl lmaoo also did not fix any errors so my bad

You knew it was coming, you both did. New reports, articles, it was trending on all social media platforms. It was unavoidable, what could you do but waste away your last few days, watching old shows you watched as a kid, harsh knocks and cries from your doors from friends and family. You couldnt face them, you just wanted to drown out the thought of what was coming the next few hours of the day.

You had woken up and sluggishly dragged yourself from the comfort of your bed to your dirty kitchen, littered with dirty dishes and some uneaten food that youd try to make, but didn't have the stomach to eat. Your phone rang atleast every hour or two, many unanswered calls and long voicemails you couldnt bother to listen to.

There was a knock on your door, and you sighed, not wanting to bother with facing the person at the door. You turned on your heels, about to head to your room when you heard the voice call out to you.

"y/n."

Out of all the people why did it have to be him. You bit your lip and let out shaky breaths. You took another step, freezing at another set of knocks. The last persom you wanted to see was your boyfriend.

"y/n let me in or ill tear this door down." His voice was stern, laced with seriousness and slight concern. You wanted to open it, let him in and crumble into his arms, but it hurt so bad.

"Go away." You spoke, loud enough to be heard through the door, but not loud enough to be a yell.

"y/n."

You hesitantly walked to the door, unlocking the bottom lock, the top lock remaining unlocked, too bothersome for you to have delt with anyways. At the sound of the click of the locks he opened the door with quick motions, while also being careful not to knock you over.

At the sight of his big frame you felt like the world had just stabbed you through the chest 28 times. You backed up with quick steps are your boyfriend reached out to hug you, scared that his touch would break down your facade. You tripped over your own feet, landing hard on your butt.

"Ush.. Ushijima," you started, not knowing exactly what you were trying to say, "Please dont touch me."

His heart sank when he saw you, lifeless and so frail. He guessed you havent been getting much sleep- or maybe too much sleep, and not eating as he took a quick glance towards the food littered kitchen counter.

It wasnt any better for you, seeing your normally cold and calm boyfriend with a worried expression and eye bags that made it obvious he hasnt got much sleep either.

You pull yourself up, your eyes boring through your boyfriends abdomen as you bit your lip, trying to think of what to say, and to also keep yourself from falling apart. "What do you want?"

"y/n. Dont be cold to me." It wasnt a question, but it wasnt a demand. "Sorry," you mumbled, leaving you two in silence for a while.

"Ushi, you should go home," you said, feeling your heart race, every second you spent in his presence, under his gaze, killed you. "You should call Tendou or something."

"Toshi." He said, making your head shoot up, looking him in his eyes, seeing a tear roll down his cheek, his face remaining mostly emotionless, fear slightly present in his eyes. "Please keep calling me Toshi."

You felt a pang in your heart, suddenly the reality of things hitting you. You were the only one going through this, you knew this but never gave it more than a mere thought. He was scared, he didnt know what he was doing, he just knew to find comfort in you, like youve told him to for many years into your relationship.

"Toshi," you breathed, reaching up to wipe the tear from his cheek, "Toshi lets go somewhere."

You never felt the need to go outside, wanting to be isolated, but being here with your boyfriend, you felt like running away, wanting to escape from the dark pit of your home. "Lets go to the beach"

"y/n–"

"Lets go. Lets go, right.. right now Toshi," you felt as if though youve felt shoked by lightning, like you suddenly got hit with some sugar rush.

"We dont have time–"

"We do Toshi, we do, we do," you saw the corner of his lips raise up into a small smile. He hated seeing you like this but he was glad you were more alive than you were minutes before. You knew this, what he was thinking, and you knew his smile had so much sadness behind it, "we have time, lets go, lets go!"

You grabbed his hand and dragged him out of your apartment, not bothering to change from your days out clothing or close the door behind you. It wouldnt matter in another hour anyways.

The ride there was mostly silent, songs playing quietly on the radio. You watched as you passed through the town, the streets were slightly empty, stores looked run down, some stores even tore up and empty.

"Has it been like this since.. since the announcement?" You mumbled, earning a hum for Ushijima.

"Yeah, yeah it has." He knew that you didnt go out, and he was slightly grateful for it. The world went to shit after the announcement, many lootings, murders and other various crimes being commited.

"Im glad your safe Toshi," you spoke into your palm.

"Im glad your safe too."

The ride went on in silence until you got to the beach. You both climbed out of the car, the beautiful blue sea sparkling under the sunny sky. It was funny how such a depressing day could look so so beautiful.

"Hmm, this is the beach we went to with the team our senior year, remember?" He asked and turned to face you. The fear in his eyes was much more evident in the light, along with signs of personal neglict. He hasnt been taking good care of himself either.

You walk around the front of the car to grab his hand, your small hands tracing light circles on his rough palms before linking your hands together, giving him a comforting squeeze. "I remember."

He let out a shaky breath he didnt know he was holding in, and you two found a nice spot on the beach to sit and watch the sky. "Toshi, do you remember the time goshiki got gummy bears stuck in his nose?"

He looked at you, and his face softened, "yeah. Yeah i do." He let out a small chuckle at the thought of his old teammates. "Do you remember when Tendou took my water bottle and filled it with really sour lemonade?" He asked, you could hear his voice unravel into a more comfortable tone, instead of one holding in so much hurt and fear.

"Ha, i actually helped him with that you know?" You spoke up, a small grin on your lips as your boyfriend grabbed your waist, pulling you closer to him. "We'll its okay, because it was 2 years ago."

It had been 2 years. 2 years since you had become shiratorizawas manager, 2 years since you made the number 1 ace fall head over heels for you, 2 years since you had went on your first date with him.

"2 years, its been so long." You laid your head on Ushijimas arm, feeling tired. He wrapped his arm around your shoulders and placed a kiss atop your head.

"Thats when we first started dating," you spoke, shoulders shaking with a small laugh, "i would've never imagined to have the nations number 1 ace fall so madly in love with me." You laughed and turned to your boyfriend to continue your teasing, but stopped when you saw him looking back at you.

He couldn't respond with anything more than a mere chuckle, tears now streaming down his cheeks. You bit your lip, scooting closer to him so you were in his lap, wrapping your arms around his large stature.

"Toshi, I love you." It was no more than a whisper and he placed a warm, loving kiss to your temple, rubbing your back softly as he let out a shaky laugh.

"y/n god, you make it so hard not to cry." He whispered in an unstable tone, resting his head atop yours. "I love you too."

This was how it was, clinging to the other and sharing old tales of your days spent with Ushijima and the boys, tales of times tendou had snuck out of the dorms and got caught by washijou, or when goshiki cut his bangs too short, or how Ushijima brought your parents a half eaten watermelon as a gift.

Those last moments spent with laughs and tears, kisses and hugs, warmth and comfort, those were your best memories. Despite the fate to cross you, Ushijima and everyone else in the world, you felt like you could smile for the first time.

You would smile alot, but it felt different this time. You convinced yourself that it was just because you had been withering away for the past days, but you knew it was because you felt free.

You had no worries in the moment with your lover, you didnt need to think about getting up for work the next day, or how you would afford next months rent. You felt like the largest weight had been lifted off of you, and you could really smile for the first time.

There was a slightly rumble if the ground that had made you and Ushijima go silent. You pulled away from your spot in the crook of his neck to look at him, fear still in his eyes.

"I dont wanna die," he chuckled out, "but im not sad." He drew small shapes into your hips with his thumbs, looking onto your laps instead of your face, and you just stared at him.

His usually stoic face was calmed, relaxed, his jaw unclenched and his eyes soft. You hadnt seen so many emotions from your boyfriend so much, it was almost scary. But he looked so gorgeous, he was your world.

"Wakatoshi Ushijima, you know," your placed your hands on both sides of his face, "it doesnt matter what happens to this world, because," you placed a passionate kiss to his lips, the tears finally falling from your eyes, "you, you're my world Toshi."

He let out a noise that was similar to a choke, tears rolling down the apple of his cheeks as he placed his forehead to yours, letting his shoulders shake with hard sobs. Loud crashes, screams and car alarms had let you know it was coming, the end of the world.

The last thing you saw was Ushijima, smiling snd crying, mouthing out one last 'I love you'.

Why does the end of the world look so beautiful?

© tomura-heart — all rights reserved. reposting, modifying, or copying is not allowed. do not translate. do not read my writing as asmr. do not plagiarize.

[suna-is-the-loml]

two days

pairing: tsukkishima x reader

genre: slight fluff then slight angsty???

word count: 1.3k LOL

a/n:  i am in love with salty frenchfry and this is cringe station so enjoy this really badly written fluff +angst or something bye <3

yes i love the number 3

3 years, 3 whole years kei spent loving you, yet his dumbass still hadnt confessed till today, today of all days,that is 3 days before you were leaving.

he was hurt, he wanted to tell you he loves you, he couldnt muster the courage to do so. quite ironic for someone who is salty asf LMAO, he always had a soft spot for you, he knew you were someone important to him, he just couldnt figure out how.

he thought he knew you so well, or so he thought.

he didnt know you were in too deep for him too, he didnt know youd take a bullet for him, he didnt know you got jealous everytime some other girl flirts with him, he didnt know how much you defended him, he didnt know you rejected the confessions for kei. (kei being the dumbass thought you rejected the confessions because you wanted to concentrate on your sport). 

he wonders how many minutes he spent adoring you, how many seconds he spent loving you because how much ever that was, he knew it wasnt enough. he loves you. a lot. and you deserve all the love

he wanted to tell you.

you are vvsmart but dumb enough to not realise your best friend was in love with you big time. you knew your goodbye party will involve alcohol sO you had it 3 days before you left because you hated hangovers.

you wanted to confess to kei. whats the probability that he would like you back?, the worse thing he could say was “i never want to see you again’’ which works because you were leaving japan anyway.

the day after the party- today seems good, its perfect actually, you message him

“hey, wanna come over? :D”

kei looks at his phone, as your name popped up in his notifications he felt himself smile.

sure :)

kei knew he had to say it today, its either today or never

you took a deep breath. ‘tell him today’ you told yourself.

it was around 7pm when he finNALLY came over. kei had your favourite chips packet with him. smiling at him fondly you invited him to your room. it was natural. everything felt home with kei.

you wanted to confess but you wanted to see how he feels about you first- atleast maybe an idea.

“hey kei, guess what?”

he looked at you with a twinkle, he smirked as he looked into your eyes.

“i am in love with someone”

‘huh? what? love? does she like no ‘love’ someone ? oh, not me thats for sure’ kei’s mind ran spewing thoughts. he was not able to say anything. he was surprised. no surprised was an understatemeant. he was seething with jealousy, pity, sadness, betrayal, he could feel his heart break into two. he kept a stoic face and whispered ‘‘oh?’’ with his eyes no longer being in contact with yours.

you smiled, you knew, you knew what he was feeling, afterall you have felt the same so many times whenever someone flirts with him. you knew he liked you but you wanted him to confirm it. you whispered “kei? is everything okay?”

kei finally looked at you again, “y/n”

“i love you” kei finally said. he closed his eyes and turned away from you, he was scared to see our expression.

“aww kei, i love you too” you said as you reached out to hold his hand. he immediately took it and squeezed it. 

he looked at you again with the same fond expression “ no dummy i love you in a romantic way, i am in love with you”

you looked at him with a dumbfounded expression “ kei i am in love with you too, in a romantic way”

he felt his adrenaline pushing himself towards you, as if on instinct he cupped your cheeks and kissed you. he kissed you softly hoping the kiss would convey how much he loves you.

he whispers against your lips “you have no idea how much ive wanted to do this dummy”

“kei, i’m gonna leave in 2 days” you remind him after a steamy makeout session

his face immediately falls

“what are we kei”

“i dont know best friends to lovers trope?” he said hoping to avoid that topic. the fact that you, his love is finally with him and that you will be leaving you in two days.

you laughed and then pulled a serious expression “ kei tsukishima, what are we” you asked squeezing his hand.

“hmm, lemme think about it” kei taunts you, you pulled out your best puppy dog eyes and pouted at him and he had the audacity to smirk at you. you turned away from him and stared at the corner because suddenly?? it?? seemed?? interesting??

you felt yourself pulled to his lap. he looked at you, his eyes filled with love he whispered “ y/n i love you a lot but i-” you interrupted him with a kiss, “i know kei, its gonna be hard but can we fall in love for the night atleast?’’

“yes y/n we can” he said lovingly.

its been exactly 16 months since you’ve left. 16 months since the magical day- the day he kissed you for the first time,the day he confessed to you, he remembers every minute of those two days.

he sighed and plopped on his headphones.

now playing- lets fall in love for the night by finneas

Let's fall in love for the night And forget in the morning Play me a song that you like You can bet I'll know every line

he remembers how you both fell more in love the last two days. he remembers the day you shared the playlist you made, mainly consisting of finneas’s songs. he saw how happy you were when you listened to your playlist commenting on how its a masterpiece. he remembers the day he realised he was in love with you. he remembers your ‘jamming’ sessions as you both sang your hearts out.

he closed his eyes as he remembered the day your first boyfriend kissed you, how he was seeping with jealousy, how he badly wanted to be your first kiss. it was then he realised he loved you. revisiting his memories with you always calmed him down, you stole his heart afterall.

keeping in touch with you has been a little difficult considering college and the different time zones, yet you both tried to keep in contact with each other

I'm the boy that your boy hoped that you would avoid Don't waste your eyes on jealous guys, fuck that noise I know better than to call you mine

he remembered how your first boyfriend tried to stop meeting him and how your ex sometimes crashed you both hanging out together at your place. kei knew that your ex was jealous, yet you stuck by him considering that was your first relationship. after you broke up, you were sad and he was there to comfort you. he was always there for you.

he knew what was the best for you, but he also knew that you werent his. he couldnt stop you from dating who you want.

You need a pick me up I'll be there in twenty five I like to push my luck So take my hand, let's take a drive

he remembers the late night calls and how he would show up at your door exactly in 27 minutes when you call him over. he remembers how you used to persuade your parents so he can stay over for the night, he remembers how you used to cringe at the cheesy romcom scenes, he remembers how you fell asleep on him,he remembers how happy you were when you finally got your favourite college acception letter. he remembers how happy you were when karasuno reached nationals. he misses you a lot.

I've been living in the future Hoping I might see you sooner I want you riding shotgun I knew When I got one right

he was so happy found out he was significant in your life. he imagines a life with you by his side, he imagines smaller versions of you both running in the house. he knew it was going to be tough, so after around 7 months, he ghosted you for a whole month. you were hEARTBROKEN. did you go wrong somewhere? does he not love you anymore? overwhelmed with anger and heartbreak you ghosted him back. but he didnt even try to hold a conversation with you, he didnt ask any questions, he didnt call you too. was he done with you? was this it? you were done, done being heartbroken and done waiting.

but ghosting you just made him miss you more. was it a bad idea? he wanted to hear your voice so bad but he knew it will just make him miss you more, instead he started to concentrate completely on college and tried to remove you from his mind, he tried removing you from his life, but he couldnt, not a single minute goes by without him remembering the little things about you. he knew he was gone from your life when you ghosted him back. 

 he wants you, he wonders if you feel the same way he does. have you moved on?have you found someone else? did you fall out of love with him? 

he wanted to move on but he was hopeless, hopelessly in love with you,

how he wished he could relive those two days forever

a/n again?: JSJSJSJSJS THIS became longer than i expected?? the second slight angsty part was heavily inspired by let's fall in love for the night by FINNEAS ahh i love his songs sm  

[embrassemoi]

(1/8) You're really out there publising new chapters in such a short amount of time and each chapter is better than the last one!   I'm seriously in awe of your talent! It's so difficult to pick a favorite chapter but this one might be one of my favorites. First of all, I loved what you did with the chapter title, whiskers literally taking padfoot's place in the order they were named on the map. It was sirius' worst fear and it happened. Also Remus and mc's chemistry is so great. I'm a big fan

I've had so much inspiration and free time this past week! and I'm going to start getting really busy this upcoming fall so I want to try and upload as much as possible!

(2/8) of how naturally their friendship and relationship grows and how different their dynamic is compared to mc and sirius. The way she was braiding his hair in common room and the way map practically flirts with her. Their little moment in the halloween party was so great as well, mc (who is dressed up as mcgonagall) drunkly playing with remus' (who is dressed up as FILCH) is probably one of my favorite moments in the sbtmas. Speaking of the costumes, I wish I was a good artist so I could draw

yeah! it's always a struggle to write two different dynamics when it comes to a love triangle because you don't want it to be:

a) the same

b) have it be unfair (although rn it's kinda unfair but hey, sirius will have a chance)

c) please both remus and Sirius stans (its been hard bc sirius stans are so mad with me rn LMFAO its kinda hilarious. I'm sorryyyyy! I SAID SLOWBURN DIDNT I? I WASNT LYING)

and oh my gosh - this chapter was literally so fucking fun to write and I think that really showed in my writing this time. the map - omg - since it's technically remus' magic for his little messages, the map is unable to insult her and I think it's just so cute :)

and I think dressing up as the professors would be so fucking cool! actually, fun fact - this idea was originally supposed to be for fifth year. Sirius was supposed to be McGonagall and MC was still supposed to be a cat but I obviously flipped shit around. for seventh year - I've had their costumes all picked since I started writing and I CAN'T FUCKING WAIT TO WRITE IT MY GOD

(3/8) a fanart of them. Lily as a 20s flapper, marlene as carrie, dorcas as dorothy (it's official, dorcas is the cutest person in this entire series) and sybill as the crazy cat lady (hands down best costume)! And of course marauders as teachers. Remus as filch was son unexpected yet brilliant! I almost died when marlene started flirting with mc for a grade and james called her hot (and also mcgonagall took a photo with her, minnie and marauders era students is always so fun to read about. Can

THE FACT that you would even think of making drawing fan art is literally the most ego-filling thing ever. woah. Thank you for even just mentioning that lmfao.

also, I love Dorcas. I love her. I adore her. the version of her that I created in my head - I'm obsessed. the same goes for Lily. omg I can't forget to mention Marlene! omg I'm a mess. I love them all.

(4/8) you imagine her keeping all of those memories in a box and looking at them after most of her students from that time period die in the war.) Peter had some really good costume ideas after all. But honestly, thank you for... giving peter a personality. In most fics he's just there, only eating in the background (similar to movie!ron). But in sbtmas he's so great and has a great sense of humor (he got his hands on a pen and chose to write "evans' bitch on james' face, an icon). I feel like

okay, that hurt my feelings. I can just picture McGonagall getting teary eyed as she stares at a picture of the Marauders after the second wizarding war, wishing she could have saved her students.

(5/8) this is going to make his betrayal so much better when it eventually happens. I mean, I was genuinely disturbed when james started to talk about how sneaky he was (famous last words). I loved all of the pranks they did in this chapter as well. The exorcist music and ballpoint pens were so creative (and they gave us that adorable scene with dorcas and nifflers) and also... funny. I feel like in a way, it showed how much marauders learned from "The Prank" and matured because of it. Last year

Peter was a marauder through and through. he was just as sneaky as the others, brimming with personality and just as smart. maybe not in academics, but the fucker had strengths in other areas. It was such a pet peeve of mine when they didn't include him in the fics I used to read. idk, sbtmas is everything I guess I wanted in a fic that I didn't get 💀 (I sound a bit egotistical here. If it comes off that way, I don’t mean it to)

(6/8) their halloween prank with spiders was a bit cruel. But this time, it's somethig that would make everyone laugh and maybe a bit annoyed, but still less harmless. Everything was funny and great and honestly, while I was reading this I was laughing the entire time... until I got to the "five years" part! Now that was cruel! You really did used costumes and pranks as a distraction and hit us with the angst! One second I was laughing and the next moment I was having an existential

oh definitely and I'm happy that you caught on to the change in severity from their pranks!

(7/8) how we have no idea about what future will bring and you can never know how much time you will have with your loved ones before it's all taken away from you. But I guess that's the appeal of the marauders era, we all know about the tragic ending they will have but still want to learn about their hogwarts years. And of course the song you chose perfectly captured that. It's halloween 1976, exactly five years before lily and james' death. And they have no idea about how they only have five

(8/8) years together. James and lily was laughing along with peter! There was something so beautiful yet disturbing about the innocence they have and you captured it beautifully. I can imagine sirius, sitting by himself somewhere, thinking about how he lost his friends and not having any idea about the tragic things that'll happen to him (or how he'll try to break into hogwarts on halloween 1993 to kill one of his friends). Okay now I made myself even sadder, I'll just shut up. -🌸

aw, sirius :(. I obviously didn't add him in this chapter but while writing, I imagine him to be in Padfoot form, silently watching the fireworks. just thinking. :((((( I just made myself sad again :( I think I even wrote a small blurb of that part but I can’t remember if I deleted it. If I didn’t, I’ll totally upload it to the outtakes eventually

[outcast-thingz]

Hello, my lovelies! I'm not going to lie, I'm really nervous about posting these stories... but hey, you miss every ball you don't swing at right?

Pairing: Tsukishima X femReader

Summary: You've had a crush on Tsukishima for the longest time and your friends know this. You thought you were pretty obvious but apparently not since he got a girlfriend and it wasnt you. Who needs that tall blonde idiot anyways it's not like you life depends on him liking you back. Right? Sure, but it still hurts...

Warnings: fluff, angst

~You Dummy~

‘At least it’s all about you-ou-ou-ou-oooo~; I think the blondes are done with fun; At least it's all about you-ou-ou-ou-oooo~ ; I think the blondes are done; we're all too cool for fun’

       《 "Hey Tsuki~!" You greet the tall blonde. He shoots you glare for the nickname.

"Don't call me that, Shorty" he jokingly retorts

"Fine, sky tower" you shot him back a glare. You stick your tongue out playfully and giggle while he smirks rolling his eyes at your childish antics. A sigh and familiar voice came from behind you,

"Sometimes you two worry me. I can't tell when you guys are actually angry with each other." It was Yamaguchi.

"And hello to you too." You greeted. The three of you start walking to lunch. "If you really can't tell just listen to the names. If you hear our real name you know we're angry. Me saying Tsuki  doesn't count because it's a shortened version therefore still a nickname." You clarified, "isn't that right tree top?" 

"Whatever Halfpint" he rolled his eyes playfully. The boys start walking to lunch with you skipping beside them.》

       BRRRRRING. The sound of the bell startling you awake. You let out something resembling a chuckle at your own stupidity for thinking it was real. It’s been a month since you two had your fight and he seems to have forgotten your existence. Whenever you’re around him he will look everywhere but you and if you try to talk to him his only responses are ‘mhmm’, silence, or he changed the subject. You shook your head and slapped your face to pull yourself out of these thoughts. Other students stared in concern,

“y/n, do you have anything to add to the class?” the teacher asked from the front of the room. You shook your head slightly, “then, please refrain from interrupting the class.” other students giggled and the teacher continued the class. Unfortunately, slapping your face was a fruitless effort because soon enough those distracting thoughts came back. You didn’t even remember moving to the next class let alone reaching the end of the day. When you came out of your haze you realized you were in the boy’s volleyball gym. 

“Hey y/n, it’s been a while. What are you doing here?” Yamaguchi greeted. Your eyes weren’t looking at his eyes but rather through them.

“I don’t know… I guess I came here out of habit. I’m going to go-” You mumbled before a thought hit you

‘I go blonde when I'm sad, Blew motivation I had-’ you always went to him when you couldn’t get something off your mind. 

       “Hey, we’re about to start stretching. Ah- y/n, didn’t think I’d see you here shorty.” His voice called to you like a siren. One look at Tsukishima is all it took and your heart was a ship at sea crashing into the rocks.

‘To make my still-beating something, Not hurt that bad’ You couldn’t bear it, seeing that smile on his face. So, your gaze cascaded to the floor.

“Somebody looks happy.” jealously dripped from your words.

“What can I say pipsqueak, some things have changed.” he chuckled. It bothered you, 

‘How can he act like nothing happened? He’s been ignoring me for weeks and now he’s suddenly Mr. Sunny Disposition?’ a growing anger stirred itself in the aching pot in your heart. 

“You know for someone who’s been acting like I don’t exist you seem to be talking to me pretty easily right now.” you hissed. Tsukishima shifted his stance. 

“...Speaking of that, I’m glad you came because I wanted to apologize.” Apologize? aPoLoGIzE!? The pot in your heart bubbled with seething anger. He has no idea what it’s been like for you, watching him laugh and smile around some other girl. How much it hurt to see her do what you couldn’t, get that stupid blonde to like you back. The pain of seeing him draw further from you. All of those hurtful memories flooded your mind.

‘Haven't been home in some months, I haven't loved myself, Just watching friends online, Look like they need some help’

It was almost dizzying having these emotions, any emotion really in weeks.

“Pipsqueak?” he reached his hand out to touch your shoulder and you shoved it off. Tears ran down your cheeks, steam blew out your ears, and that boiling pot of poisonous anger spilt,

“Do you have any clue what I’ve been through!? You do realize you are the only person I talk to when something is wrong, right!? I haven’t been able to talk to anyone about my feelings and do you know what ignoring does to someone?” He was left speechless.

“y/n maybe you should calm d-” Yamaguchi cautioned.

“NO! I’ll tell you what it does Tsukishima. First, it acts like a blade and it stabs you in the heart. A new one appears and makes its mark for each time you’re ignored. Eventually, you can’t feel the pain anymore because here’s a little secret about those blades, the tips are dripping with a poison called apathy. I haven’t felt anything but empty for weeks!” You fumed. “It's a horrible feeling. Being yelled at for doing something I thought was normal for us and not knowing why until I saw you and her together. And do you know what made it worse?” You lifted your eyes so that they met his. He stayed silent. By this time the rest of the boys had stopped what they were doing and were just as speechless as Tsukishima was. “If you weren’t ignoring something I said you would change the subject and it would always be about you.” You advance towards him. “It’s. All. About.” you jab his chest with each word, “YOU!” you bellowed as you shoved him. To everyone’s surprised Tsukishima almost fell. 

“Y/n..” He spoke softly and you could tell he was hurting. You could see him screaming he was sorry behind his eyes.

“I never asked to have feelings for you, even though I thought I pretty obvious with all the nicknames I gave you and how I would always lightly punch your shoulder and giggle after you told a joke or even how I joking called you a dummy when those rare moments something would go over your head.” a tear ran down your cheek. Nothing, not a word from anyone.

“Y/n.. I-” He sighed, “please if you just let me-”

“Let you what? It’s been a month Tsukishima, A MONTH! The worst part is,  I thought you knew…” you stammered. More tears ran down your cheeks. “I never wanted to be thinking this loud I never asked about the when, why or how; I wanted privacy, routine and everything between; While they're just finding me out; I never wanted to be thinking this loud.” You screamed. 

      The room was filled with a suffocating silence that would occasionally be interrupted by your sniffles. 

“..y/n.” his voice gentle but wavering. He reached out to wipe your tears,

“ No one cares how I feel but at least It’s all about you!” You cry as you swat his hand away and punch him in the chest. You huffed and puffed for a moment and when you look up to see the shock in everyone’s faces. When you finally gained the courage to look at Tsukishima again you too were shocked. You had managed to hit him hard enough that he stumbled and hit the floor. The damage had been done and there was no taking back what had been said. The bubbling pot was empty of anger. Its waters had been replaced with guilt, regret, and heartache. Feeling empty was one the but this? It was like you were drowning with chains around your limbs and a cement block tied to your feet. “Tch” You spun around and sprinted away. One foot in front of the other. 

“Y/N!” the others call out for you but it was nothing but fuzzy words fading behind you. One foot in front of the other is all that you mind focused on as your heart tied more cement blocks to itself. 

‘I think the blondes are done with fun; At least it's all about you; I think the blondes are done; We're all too cool for fun’

      Tsukishima knew exactly how you felt when you ran off. That feeling of the weight holding down his chest as he cursed and screamed at himself mentally while you were yelling at him. The punch was like a thousand knifes slicing through his heart. 

‘No plastic or paper can take her or make her; Shake from the fact she's my world devastator’

‘Get up… get up damn it.’ he scolded himself as she ran off, ‘Get up and run after her… You’re going to lose her forever.’ Yamaguchi walked in front of the self-disgusted blonde and extended a helping hand, 

“Tsuki?” the worry hit Tsukishima hard. He scrambled to his feet ignoring his friend’s hand.

‘You… I think the blondes are done; We're all too cool for fun’

“Y/N” Tsuki screamed out as he ran after you. For once in his life he let his tears fall as if for them to act as a symbol of his shame and guilt. 

‘I go blue when I've had; A break at home to breathe’ 

He screamed out your name once you were in his sights. It felt like you were a world away from him. Even so, he pushed himself further, faster, and harder with every step he took. 

“Damn.” he curses under his breath rain began to pour. It didn’t take long for the roads to get slippery and you found yourself slipping. You scrambled to your feet once again and continued running a little longer. The weight was becoming too much causing you to slow down with each step until you were at a complete stop. Seconds later you could feel Tsukishima’s arms wrap around you tightly. You couldn’t find the muscle to push him away, you just wanted to disappear so the pain would stop. “I used to crave a getaway, Now I don't wanna leave” His lamented, “I broke up with that girl a week ago because I realized I was only dating her to get my mind off of you. I pushed you away because I didn’t think you would ever like me back. I’m sorry, and I know that sorry means nothing right now but… I was stuck at home for some months, I didn't love myself, Before we sold out shows, Before I needed help…” His voice increasingly cracks and waivers with every word. He pushed you back so you could see his face. “I never wanted to be thinking this loud, I never asked about the when, why or how; I wanted privacy, routine and everything between, while they're just finding me out; I never wanted to be thinking this loud” They two of you stared into each other’s pained eyes. He leaned over and placed his forehead on yours, “I’m an idiot..” He admits as his tears roll off his cheeks falling onto yours. A giggle worked its way out of you between blubbering tears,

“That’s right... you dummy.” you wrapped your arms around his neck and pulled him closer so your lips could collide. He is happily surprised by this and decides to tighten his wrap around your waist so he could spin the two of you around once. Once your feet hit the ground the two of you stand there for a few minutes both in silence and in each others arms. To be honest, the two of you were lucky it was raining so hard, no one wanted to be out driving in that weather. There you two stood on the road. The rain softens but doesn’t go away. The lamppost turning on qued your want to leave. Fingers intertwined and swinging back and forth as the two of you walked home together.

“Were you really crying?” you tease and squeeze his hand once,

“Must have been the rain falling off my face.” he squeezed back. 

‘At least it’s all about… us.’

[nctzendreamz]

Crazy, Rich, and They Hate Me :: Finale

Jaehyun finally takes you home, but he forgets to mention that his family is the richest in South Korea.

Part One  Part Two  Part Three  Part Four  Part Five  

Part Six  Part Seven  Part Eight  Part Nine

Jaehyun x Reader ft. NCT

Genre: Angst/ Fluff

You and Jasmine had ran to eachother for a lot of things. Boy problems, girl problems, health problems, money problems; any problem. But as you stood infront of her door, the audio of the doorbell making your ears ring even worse. You didn’t want to be here.

This had to have hit too close to home, right? I mean, during your whole friendship it was a running joke that the two of you were the complete opposite, when in reality you were more alike than either of you had wanted.

You knew if you just pulled up, sad attempt to confess what just happened, you wouldn’t be able to open your mouth. You were guaranteed to make up some lie about how his mom officially forbade you to be in a relationship with Jaehyun, so you told her the whole story as you walked to this destination.

Before an hour ago, you felt so pretty. Usually you hated red, but that way Jaehyun’s eyes just couldn’t leave your body made you feel a confidence you hadn’t felt in too long looking so dressed up. You hated him now. You knew it wasn’t his fault. But you did. You never wanted to see him again.

A now familiar sight to you, the door slid open, but the Jasmine you had known all your life wasn’t behind the door. There was nothing but pure sympathy in her eyes, and she opened the door at a slow place. She clearly didn’t know exactly how to react, not that she was supposed to.

“I’m so sorry.” Her voice trembled.

Tears were the only source of communication you could give her.

“I’ve been gone a month, Jangmi. A month!” Minjun screamed, clearly fuming as he paced back and forth around their eerily empty mansion.

Jaehyun hadn’t had such a moment since he was a child. No one in sight except the three of them. No workers running around, ready to do whatever they asked. Not even the smell of dinner from his grandma could be scented. And his dad being here? This couldn’t be real.

“What is that supposed to mean?” His mother argued, staying seated on her velvet loveseat. Her and her son both silently agreed that they couldn’t be near eachother right now. She was on one side of the seat, while Jaehyun had completely rose when she arrived to the scene, unable to look her in the eye.

“I told you that Jaehyun was serious about that girl, didn’t I?”

“Was I supposed to take you seriously? Hm?” She protested loudly, her voice raising in volume with each word. “Why are you yelling at me when you should be yelling at your son!”

“My son?” He scoffed. “You mean our son.”

“You know what I meant.”

“Our son found a woman that he loves. What’s the problem?”

“Did you not just hear what I told you?” She accused. “Her life will completely ruin our reputation. Every single thing the world thinks our son is, will crumble as if it was never there. Why can’t you see that!”

Jaehyun was trying his best to keep up with the heated discussion that echoed through his childhood home. But the only thing at the forefront of his mind was you. A nervous habit he had formed after falling in love with you; his body rocked back and forth, and his fingers couldn’t remove themselves from the grip of his teeth as he thought about all the terrible things that could’ve happened to you in the last hour.

He had never hated himself until today. Why did he bring you here? He should’ve just kept you a secret. He should’ve flew for the festivities, and came back to you tomorrow morning, where your life would still be intact. Your self-esteem would be at its normal level, where all he had to worry about were things that he could fix with his kisses and sweet nothings.

His bloody hands had been wrapped all alone, although in any other situation, his mother would’ve taken care of it. They probably would’ve joked around about his bruises, or something similar. That was the mother he knew. This vile, angry beast that he watched approach his father with sharp fingers wasn’t who he loved.

He didn’t want to be here anymore. Even in the bask of his fathers glory who was clearly fighting for him, couldn’t make him want to be here. His life was over, and not because of your news. It was because he knew; he fucking knew clearer than ever now that he had lost you for good. And it was his fault. All those times he tried to be the good guy, not trying to start any conflict. For the sake of you, and him, and your serenity, but it was doing nothing.

He let this happen, and now he had to pay the price.

He stood up abruptly, the both of his parents stopping their arguing to stare at him. He looked broken. He didn’t need a mirror to see that. He felt it. He felt too many things right now. If he didn’t go into his room right now, he didn’t know what was going to happen.

“Where do you think you’re going!” His mother spat. How bold of her. If anything, she should be begging for his forgiveness, but she couldn’t even stuff her pride.

“Jangmi, let him deal with everything that just happened. Let him breathe.”

“No. He needs to hear what we’re going through simply because of him. You came home expecting good news, but now we’re broken.”

Jaehyun continued to take gentle steps forward, remembering your own techniques for calming down. He never thought things like this worked, and he was correct in this theory.

“Your mother is—

“Mom! I am angry at you! More than angry!” He yelled suddenly, shaking the house. The minute he had to use his diaphragm, the burning of his nose took it as a signal to let the liquid drip from his eyes. “Do you not realize what the fuck you just did to me? Are you really that blind? You ruined the best thing that’s ever happened to me. And I let you.” He trailed, looking at his higher power in embarrassment. “I let you.” He giggled through his tears now, looking nothing less of a psychopath. “You, the cousins, Yuna, grandma, everyone here. I let you guys trick me into believing you could be saved. I watched you destroy everything she had going for her when she came here, and I let you.”

“Son...” his father attempted to approach him, but Jaehyun snapped his shoulder away, making him flinch at once.

He wanted to say so many more things. Things that he didn’t mean, just so his mother could feel the hurt that was making his body pulse. But he decided to keep walking, knowing he wouldn’t be stopped this time.

Days had passed, and your phone had been off for the same amount of time. You wanted no parts in seeing any pictures of you and him. You didn’t want to see all of his apologies. You wanted to go home.

“Y/N, you need to eat.” Jasmine would say everyday. Even Heechul, who always had a snarky comment was being extra sweet to you, making you little pastries that were said to soothe you.

You’d always eat just enough to protect yourself from any true damage you could do to your body. You would always feel as if you had to throw up, but it would never actually happen. You knew it was all in your head.

The silk sheets that rested on your body were so uncomfortable right now; more proof that this life wasn’t for you. They were making you so hot.

“Y/N.” Jasmine’s soothing voice whispered into the large space of her many spare bedrooms, one you had happened to choose. You expected her at this time, with a tray of your favorite snacks. But when she appeared infront of you, she was empty handed. “We need to talk.”

You couldn’t deprive her of that. Neither of you had spoken about what you learned, and you truly believed it was because neither of you knew how to approach it. You weren’t ashamed of being adopted, and you hoped she knew that. Your lack of eating, and showering, and good hygiene in general wasnt because your true parents. It was because you knew you and Jaehyun were officially done. And you knew you were probably going to ruin his life, as his mother was just too spiteful. She would probably get the information out just because he was surely fighting your love; even through all of this drama.

Just to make him look bad, she’d do it.

“Do you have any questions?” She questioned awkwardly, fiddling with the rings she never took off. A gift from her new family, she explained.

“No.” Was all you could say, unable to look her in the eye.

“I hope you’re not ashamed. Or see yourself as less than because of what you know. You still have great parent—

“Jas.” You whispered in a purely sincere tone as your eyes filled to the brim with tears, “do you think I looked at you differently because you’re adopted?”

“I just—I know it’s not ideal. And I didn’t come from good parents and I just—“ Her voice cracked, and for the first time in your life, you were watching her cry. Her fighting spirit had her refusing to be in your arms, but you didn’t listen to her silent wishes. You snatched her up just as she had when you were on her doorstep about to have a mental breakdown.

“I have never looked down on you. To be exact, I’ve always looked up to you. I know you had your demons, and things that upset you, but you were always positive. I always wondered how you could be like that. How you could be so damn strong even though you had every right to be pissed off at the world.” You kissed her forehead, hating the way you were mimicking Jaehyun’s every move right now. “I love you, Jas. And so does your family. I hate that you met them later than you wanted, but what do I always say?”

“That everything happens for a reason.” She choked out.

“Exactly.” You took a deep swallow, knowing that was slogan but wanting it to be un-true in your case. You didn’t want this to be what fate wanted. You wanted there to be mistake in that foreign world. A mishap. But as you continued to dwell on your thoughts, you didn’t have positive feelings on it. No optimism.

You woke up the next morning with Jasmine in your bed, her tears still stained on the pillow beside you. Today was your last day before you had to take your flight, but you couldn’t just leave.

You turned your phone on, knowing it had a chance of practically blowing up from all the texts you knew you recieved. They were all from him. Every single one.

Twelve missed calls. A no exaggeration—twenty separate text messages from him. They started off so concerned, begging you to answer the phone. He was explaining that he just needed to hear you voice to make sure it was actually you responding to him.

As you continued to read, he told you that his father was here, and that he finally told his mom off. He confessed that even so, he felt no better, because he was weak. He didn’t say everything he wanted to say, and he wanted to go back in time to say everything over, better.

He then went on to tell you how much he loved you. He seemed to be arguing with himself, as he kept mentioning that he wasn’t enough. That it was he who didn’t deserve you, and he hated how terrible he was with words. He was trying to fit all of his love for you in a text message, and believed he was failing.

Even as the days skipped, he updated you about his day. He said he wouldn’t eat until he wanted to, which was never. His apologies were never ending, and your heart was close to its end.

He told you he was crying, and couldn’t stop. He told you that he cried so much that he had thrown up, but that he needed it. That it made him feel better for all you had gone through for absolutely no reason.

You couldn’t read any longer, feeling sick to your stomach as you knew he was telling the truth. A man didn’t do all of this for a woman he didn’t love. At least, not a man like Jung Jaehyun.

But love didn’t matter anymore.

You texted her, setting a time and place. She argued, saying that it would be best if you just came to the house.

Unlike every other time you were at the Jung residence, you weren’t dressed up today. Even with the preaching you planned to do in just a few moments, you couldn’t help but to feel so insecure. So less than.

“Y/N.” Was all she said when she let you in. “As you can see, he’s not here. I wasn’t lying.”

“I didn’t think you were.” You whispered, looking at your toes.

She didn’t look good. Now more than ever could you see the resemblance between the two of them. His dimple always shined at you when he was happy, but the exact same one was now moped out, cause being because she had her lips sucked in. It was the kind of expression one wore when they didn’t know what to say.

“So, what did you have to say to me?”

“You know I love Jaehyun, right?”

She was quick to answer. “Yes.” You knew she wasn’t going to miss a beat just yet.

“Do you think Jaehyun loves me?”

“Yes.”

“Then why did you fight it so hard? Why wasn’t love enough for you?” Your tone was surprising gentle considering the words you were speaking. You preyed around her home, eyeing all of the artwork you never got to admire because you were always being bullied when you came here. Their family portrait actually read them to be great people.

“Because love isn’t enough. Do you know how many people in the world love eachother? If we married just for love, the world we be in a deeper hell.”

“So you don’t love Mr. Jung?”

“I got lucky.” Her voice waivered. You couldn’t see her facial expression. You didn’t want to look at her just yet.

“Lucky how?”

“Me and Minjun were soulmates who happened to come across eachother. We had love and the resources.”

“So you’re saying that if you didn’t have the resources, you shouldn’t have been able to marry the man you love?”

Her trailing of your moves stopped, as she could finally understand your game. She obviously didn’t like it. “Say what you want to say or get out of my house.”

You turned around from the splash art you were observing deeply, staring straight into her cold eyes. If you didn’t know any better, you’d assume she had no soul. But you knew that wasn’t the case. She just didn’t like you.

“This will be the last time you see me.” You confessed, and you saw the way joy sparkled in her eyes. It hurt, even though you should’ve seen it coming. “And I know even right now you’re planning my departure, and trying to figure out who should really be Jaehyun’s bride. Who actually deserves him. Your choice. But never forget, that it was me, a poor girl from Los Angeles that is the reason that you will get your son back.”

She seemed shocked at your strong words. She clearly thought this was a bold claim from the way her eyebrows connected immediately, scoffing in offense.

“You can say what you want about me. And you can say what you want about our relationship, but your son is in love with me. And I know that eats you up inside, but read my lips when I say that we were in love. And we made eachother happy. I will always love him.” Your voice cracked, but you quickly sniffed to pull it together. “So ten years from now when you have little grandchildren running around, making everyone in the house laugh, but Jaehyun’s sitting in the corner and you just can’t seem to understand why he looks so unhappy, know it’s because he’s thinking about me, and about how this could’ve been us if only; you didn’t make me leave.”

“You watch—

“I’m giving you what you want. So I hope your happiness continues to override his own. And I hope that whoever he does marry doesn’t have to go through half the hell I did.”

And with that, you left. Even with her yelling after you. Even when you wanted to badly to turn around, and run upstairs, because you knew he was listening. You knew he heard every word, and would probably go to cry again. But you had to. They got what they wanted. And now you had to sleep. You had a flight in the morning.

You forgot how hot the California sun could be. Especially on a day like this, where you were already in such a horrible mood, nothing felt right. At the same time though, it felt so good to be home. Even though you had only been here for a measly three days, it was so refreshing to not get weird stares and judge mental looks from people who didn’t even know you.

The streets were busy as always, people walking across the road to get to other shopping centers, but your focus was on the familiar diner that now brought you horrible memories.

God, you remember how excited you were when he told you about Johnny’s wedding. It had never even crossed your mind that it would be the last time you saw him, and the last time you would ever call him your boyfriend.

“Y/N! How was the trip!” The owner yelled in an enthusiastic tone, clearly missing your buisness.

“Good.” You responded simply, sitting down at your usual booth.

“Just good? And in that tone? Who died?”

“My relationship.” You chuckled sadly, feeling it all rush back to you at once. All the memories of you two wouldn’t go away.

“Don’t tell me...”

“Yeah.”

You hated that you sounded like this right now. This was exactly how you behaved before you met Jaehyun, and he made you bloom into this so-called beautiful human being. You always shut down.

You couldn’t see what the older man was doing. Out of your peripheral, you could see him whispering to the cook in the back through the tiny window they used to communicate.

Jaehyun hadn’t texted or called since your conversation with his mother. Maybe he hated you too. Everytime your phone would ring, or vibrate, you would rush to it praying it was him. You were so broken. All it would take is one more text, and he could have you back.

Gusto—the owner of your favorite eating place, sat across from you now. He had your favorite milkshake in one hand, and an abundance of fries in the other.

“Thought you might’ve wanted this.”

“Thank you.” You laughed, trying your best to be happy. Or at least look it.

“Listen to me doll,” his hand reached for your chin, lifting it up from its grip on the food. “I don’t know exactly what happened, but I do know that you are a very strong girl. You know, your dad was just like this. When him and your mom would get into it, he’d come in here.”

“Did he really?” You sniffled, being reminded about the problems you had to deal with now. You were still trying to figure out a way to approach your mom about it.

“Yeah. And he would get this exact milkshake too.”

As it had been for the last few minutes, the bell connected to the door rung; indicating someone had swung it open. Probably some teenagers who had just came from the rink.

You put the straw to your lips, knowing that the taste of Oreo mixed in with chocolate would soothe your scrambled mind even if it was for a few. It didn’t feel the same now that Jaehyun wasn’t sharing it with you, but it was still so delicious. You hadn’t even realized that Gusto had risen from his position in front of you.

Your breathing unconsciously got deeper and deeper, trying to take in all the familiar smells of LA. One deep breath, and your heart stopped. You choked on the cookie that was so close to going down your throat.

It was him. He was here.

“Jaehyun—I—

“I know you have a million things you want to say to me.” He whispered. His hair was its usual messy nature, and he was no longer in a polo, or suit as he had been during your whole trip. His grey sweats made your heart beat for a few seconds at a fast pace, but his eyes finished the job.

They weren’t swollen. If you didn’t know any better, you would even say he was happy right now. His eyes were filled with sincerity as his scent hugged you all around.

“Usually people say that when they met their soulmate, they had no idea that they’d love them as much as they did.” He began, taking your hand into his own. “But when I met you, I swear I knew. I called Johnny and told him I had met my wife. He laughed, but I knew it was true. I knew you were the one, Y/N.”

Neither of you could notice, but the crowd began to form, clearly seeing something coming that you couldn’t.

“And still, right now, I look at you and know you’re the one. No matter what anyone says. No matter who tries to stop me from getting what I want, it’ll never happen.” He sighed, reaching for his back pocket and slowly skimping down to one knee.

“Jae...” you trailed off, emotions trying to come out from your eyelids.

“Let me finish.” His voice was wavering, a clear indication that he was incredibly nervous. “I love you, baby. Every damn thing about you, I love. I love how much you love to stay at home, doing absolutely nothing. I love how strong you are, even when you don’t have to be. When every damn thing in the world is trying to get in your way, you kick it down, and I admire you. I can’t even properly get my words out because their aren’t enough words to describe you. Hell, I even love the excessive amount of ketchup you put on your fries. All of that makes you, and I want it for the rest of my life.” His hand was shaking now, but he still managed to open the box, revealing the ring that was seemingly forbidden in his family. His grandmas ring was standing right infront of you.

“Oh my goodness.” Was all you could breathe out, clutching your chest for support.

“Please, make me the happiest man in the world, Y/N. Let me show the whole world who I love. Marry me. I can’t live without you and I know you love me just as much. Please.”

The hell you went through was trying to replay through your mind like your favorite song, but you had to block it. It didn’t deserve to win in such a moment, and all your focus was on your boyfriend. The man who you would die for.

“Yes. How could I say no?” You choked out, letting him place the ring in your finger as you bounced around like a child, immediately jumping into his arms as he held you tighter than he had ever held you in your whole relationship. His face nuzzled into the crevice of your neck, and even in this crowd of people, you couldn’t save it. You had to kiss him.

“I love you, Y/N.” He whispered as you two embraced once more. “And I meant it when I said I always will. No matter what.”

“No matter what.” You cooed with a head tilt, pressing a teary kiss to his plump lips once again.

This was fate. This was how your story was going to end. It may have hurt like hell to get here, but you were going to marry the love of your life, and you didn’t care what anyone thought about it. Neither did he.

A/N: Wowwwww it’s crazy how long this series has been going on. I am so appreciative of the love y’all gave this, and I am truly sad to see it go. I know you guys probably hated this as the final part, but I plan to do an epilogue soon and also a surprise conversation between two people that I think you guys would enjoy. Thank you so much and I can’t wait for you guys to see the things I have planned next.

[floatingpetals]

Peace and Quiet?

Pairings: Steve Rogers x Reader

Warnings: Angst-ish, language, the reader makes a poor decision, fluff as well  

Word Count: 5900+ 

Request: “I seriously love your longer one shots! Could you please do a Cap (or Bucky) + reader, where the reader is kinda loud/outgoing because of not wanting to be forgotten or something? And the reader figures they make him uncomfortable and shuts everyone out, leading to him confessing he likes the reader? Fluff please?” @homeybadger

A/N:  Wow so uhh, this has been a request that’s been sitting in my inbox for sooooo looonnng. No seriously, like super long. I feel so bad that it’s taken me just now to get to it. I wanted to do something nice with it, but I just couldn’t get it right, then I forgot it was there and then I remember and scrapped the whole thing. I hope you enjoy this story and I hope the length makes up for it! I did not mean to take so long on this! I hope you all enjoy!! 

**I’m also debating on doing a second part, but it all depends on the feedback I get. So please let me know what you think! ❤

Gifs not mine, credit to the creator!

“Oh, bad luck. You landed on Boardwalk,” Sam smirked, a giggle beginning to bubble in his chest as the rage that was settling on Y/N’s face across the table. She glared at the double dice, a freaking snake eye, that had been against her the entire game. “And if my math is correct, with my three houses you owe me $1400. And from the looks of your very sad pile, you’ll have to sell everything on top of declaring bankruptcy.”

“I hate this game!” Y/N screamed, throwing down the $300 hundred she had left.

“Hey, don’t hate the game!” Natasha shot back, grinning behind her beer bottle. Y/N shot her glare.

“Oh, shut up! You and Clint have been cheating the entire time and you know it!” she growled. Clint gasped but was cut off by a sharp jab in the ribs by Bucky. He grumbled and pulled out the chance cards he had stashed away, and nudge Natasha to pull out the money she had hidden away. “See! This game sucks!”

“Now, now. No need to go all green on us.” Tony grinned. Bruce made a noise before letting out a puff of air. Irritated with both the game and how smug everyone was acting, Y/N exploded with a primal battle cry.

“Fuck this game! You people are all cheaters!”

Everyone had enough time to grab their drinks off before Y/N flipped the table, the pieces flying everywhere. Bucky and Wanda both doubled over in their seats, howling when Y/N began to scream at Tony, who jumped up and was yelling back at the same volume. Clint and Natasha were grinning like idiots as the mayhem grew. Bruce rolled his eyes when Sam jumped in, normally the tone the room shifted would set him on edge, but this wasn’t unusual. The only person that wasn’t reacting, save for Vision who had no idea why tensions were so high over a silly game, was Steve.

He had decided to sit this game night out. After the Mario Party debacle, he wasn’t ready to jump back in the ring. Thor spun a wheel and tossed a dart to cut someone’s stars in half. He landed on Y/N’s. While she was once in the lead, that cut her stars in half and she was suddenly in last place. That was fine. It was when she was hit by Bowser, who Tony was playing as when they managed to let him loose of his little prison that she flipped her lid. The team got a kick out of her raging at the games, and all banded together to see how quickly she could snap. Steve, however, didn’t see the charm in it.

To put it lightly, Y/N was a lot to handle. She was everywhere all at once to begin with, her voice carrying through walls. There wasn’t a single mean bone in her body, aside from her intense competitive streak. She seemed to win over anybody. Steve still wasn’t sure. He’d admit, she was sweet and everyone else seemed to love her. Steve thought she was cute too, sometimes she would fall asleep on the couch and he’d find himself taking advantage of her stillness to stare. But she never stopped to breathe once it seemed. He couldn’t recall a time where she wasn’t talking loudly about something or practically bouncing off the walls from excitement. She was a lot more than he was used to. Y/N made his head spin. It wasn’t terrible, but it was a bit exhausting after a while around her. It also didn’t help that sometimes her power manifested with her growing emotions. Which is what was happening right now.

“You’re the one who wanted us to play this stupid game!” Tony accused, rolling his eyes.

“Did not! I specifically said that I thought it was a stupid idea because I always end up flipping a table! You’re the one who then said we had to play it since learning that bit of information.” She countered pointing a finger at him. Tony stopped, a sly grin spreading across his face.

“Oh yeah.”

“Ugh!” She grumbled. “You people are so frustrating! Why do you do this to me?!”

“Because it’s fun.” Tony grinned, his eyes flashing with glee. That was the wrong thing to say. Now Y/N really was angry. She grits her teeth and balled her fists at her side. If this was a cartoon, she’d have steam coming out of her ears she was so angry. Unbeknownst to her, her powers started to manifest with her mounting fury, afflicting the others in the room.

Y/N’s power was special and even a bit strange considering how specific it was. Since she could remember, Y/N always had the gift to control the aura around her to suppressed others authority and leadership skills. It was a power that had come handy in her life, but also hindered her more than it helped. She had a rather strong grip on it at all times, but sometimes that control slipped. Tony’s face paled, and everyone else around her started to shift uncomfortably.

“Uh-Y/N.” Wanda reached out, her fingers gently brushing against the back of Y/N’s arm. Wanda flinched, the contact enough to send her the full force of Y/N’s strange power, but she fought to stay strong. Y/N blinked, quickly realizing the shift in the room was because of her. Her shoulder’s dropped and the suffocating aura surrounding her disappeared. The room sighed collectively in relief.

“See. This is why you shouldn’t poke the bear.” Y/N huffed, crossing her arms against her chest. Tony chuckled and shook his head.

“It’s nice to know you’re aware.” Sam let out a laugh as well, grinning widely at her. She grumbled under her breath and turned to sit back in her seat. As she did, she scanned the room and noticed a spot empty. Standing straighter she glanced around the room.

“Hey, where did Steve go?”

The group collectively turned around, just now noticing the empty seat their Captain once took up as well. Bucky frowned and shot a look to Natasha, who seemed on the same page. Slowly, he turned to back to Y/N.

“Uh... Maybe he decided to turn in early.” He tried. The team seemed to take it, albeit skeptically. He had been doing this a lot lately, getting up at disappearing without a word. No one wanted to say it aloud, but they all noticed it happened around the time Y/N came to the team four months ago.

Y/N stilled, her eyes hardening for a split second before they seemed to glaze over. Shaking her head, she heaved a sigh.

“I’m gonna turn in early too. Sorry, this little outburst just took a lot out of me.” She said, stepping over the discarded pieces and was out of the room before anyone could argue. The room had shifted into a subdued atmosphere, everyone thinking the same thing.

“Someone needs to talk to him.” Wanda murmured. Bucky nodded, letting out a sigh.

“I’ll talk to him.” He said. The rest all murmured in agreement, slowly trickling out the room since game night clearly was done for the evening. They could only hope tomorrow would end on a better note.

~~~~~~~

Y/N sat on her bed, clinging to her favorite stuffed animal wondering just where she went wrong. Since she joined the team a few short months ago, she had been trying her best to get close to the rest of her teammates. Naturally, she was a bubbly person. But her gift made it harder for her to get close to anyone. Her parents thought it was odd, the power came from nowhere when she hit the age of three. It took them time to figure out that it wasn’t because she was incredibly intimidating and that she was unintentionally suppressing their confidence level.

They spent years taking her to doctors and specialists that might be able to help her control her powers. It wasn’t without consequences. Because she struggled for so long to control her powers, she spent a lot of her life unintentionally hurting those around her.

Her classmates didn’t know what exactly, but they knew something was wrong with her. She spent the majority of her school years alone in the corner, shunned from taking part of anything in her classes. If anyone tried to give her the benefit of the doubt, something always went wrong. They were terrified of her. The fear turned to indifference and eventually, they paid her no mind. No one wanted her in their lives. But for Y/N, she wanted nothing more than to be accepted and included.

Which might explain why she was the way she was today. It took years to master her control, but she did it. And now that she was an Avenger, she was surrounded by people who were like her. Special and unique. Nowhere else could she be herself as she could here. This was her last chance of being free and she never wanted to be forgotten.

It didn’t take her long to win over the others. They were more than aware of what she could do. Not a one batted an eyelash, no one shrank away in fear they’d be subjected to the smothering fear she could plague them with. If anything, it fascinated them. She was the one who they’d send in to interrogate. Whether on location or in a holding cell, it didn’t matter. Her power was a gift to get the tightest of lips to talk. For the first time in her life, Y/N felt as though she had finally found her calling.  

Y/N was proud of how far she had come. It was years of uphill battles and year left in the shadows. But now, she had it all, friends, her family and a job she loved. All except the acceptance of Steve. He was polite, but he always had an air of discomfort around her. Not with anyone else, just her. Y/N hated to admit it, but it hurt.

Since the day she met him, Y/N fell hard. Who couldn’t though? He was charming, cared for his friends and protective of his family. But for some reason, he just didn’t seem like he enjoyed being around her. Perhaps, she thought, it was something she said to him. She couldn’t recall anything that might set his teeth on edge, but she was at a loss.

Letting out a heavy sigh, Y/N set her stuffed animal down on the bed and swung her legs over the side. She knew she shouldn’t dwell too much on it. He could very well be in a bad mood, and it could confidently only be when she’s in the same room. She snorted. Yeah, that was it.

No, she thought, there was something more about it. Thinking back all the times she noticed he’d got running, realization hit her like a freight train. Every time he ran, it was because of something she did. It was her. A broken sob crept it’s way up her throat. She was the reason, that was the only thing it could be. Steve Rogers, the man who unknowingly held her heart in his hands, was uncomfortable with her. She clenched the sheets of the bed and held back her tears.

Y/N had to change. Her behavior had always been a problem, she knew that. She was so terrified of being left alone and forgotten again, she let her eagerness go too far. Falling back on the bed, she stared at the ceiling and came to a life-altering decision.

~~~~~

“Hey! There you are!” Natasha grinned motioning Y/N over to her mat. “I was wondering if you’d ever show up or if I’d have to go up to pull you out of bed.”

Y/N didn’t respond with her usual quip, just sent her a tight-lipped smile and a soft apology. Natasha blinked her lack of typical response slightly off-putting. Where was her boisterous hello and never-ending pouts of energy? It was one of the fun things about working out with Y/N first thing in the morning. This wasn’t usual of her at all.

“Okay.” Natasha drawled, looking over Y/N to try and decipher her new attitude. “Well, let’s get started on stretching you at, then we’ll get on the mat to spar.”

Y/N wordlessly nodded, moving over to where the yoga mats were laid out waiting for her. Natasha took up the spot next to her, keeping her eyes especially close on Y/N. Aside from her uncharacteristically quiet demeanor, it didn’t seem like there was a hair out of place on her. Although, her movement seemed a bit on the robotic side. Y/N was just going through the motions, getting done with her stretches before wordlessly making her way over to the mats without a glance to Natasha.

Natasha sat up and watched Y/N leave without a word, flabbergasted. Things seemed fine last night, aside from Steve’s abrupt disappearance. As far as Natasha knew, Y/N had gone straight to her room to sleep. And everyone was either here in the gym or Tony and Bruce in the lap. So, what happened to Y/N?

“Hey, you okay?” Natasha asked, catching Y/N’s elbow.

“What do you mean?” Y/N tilted her head to the side, brows furrowed.

“I don’t know,” Natasha said slowly, her gaze narrowing the longer she stared at Y/N. “You just seem… off today.”

“Oh.” She uttered simply. “Yeah. I’m good.”

Pulling her arm away from Natasha, Y/N wandered over to where Sam was now standing with Bucky. Their smile grew at the sight of her, both unaware of Y/N’s new behavior.

“Good morning sunshine!” Sam beamed at her, wrapping her up in a hug. Y/N let out a faint giggle as she hugged him back. Bucky grinned and tilted his head in greeting.

“Morning doll. You sleep okay last night? I didn’t hear your snores through the paper-thin walls last night.”  He teased, nudging her with his shoulder. Y/N huffed but surprisingly bit her tongue.

“Morning Bucky. Yeah, I slept fine.” Y/N shrugged, her face showing little to no emotions. “We ready to get started.”

Both men were stunned, completely thrown off by her sudden change. They shot Natasha a startled look, who could only shrug. She hadn’t the faintest idea either what happened. Y/N wasn’t supplying them with anything either, so all they could do was continue as if nothing was wrong. It didn’t mean they weren’t going to question her later of course.

Getting done with their training was odd, uncomfortable even. Y/N didn’t speak unless spoken to, and even then they were short simple answers. There was none of her usual spunkiness that fought back with each quip Sam sent her way. He even tried to rile her up, he almost pulled out all the stops in a hope to gain a reaction from her. But she didn’t move an inch. Bucky tried to get her to react when he threw a punch harder than necessary her way. They thought they had her, there was a spark of fury in her eyes after she picked herself up, but she quickly wiped the expression on her face.

In the end, Y/N went through the motions, doing what needed to be done without her usual flare. At one point, Wanda had even commented on how unusually quiet she had been. When Y/N left to head to the locker room, she cornered Bucky and Sam.

“What did you two do?” she hissed, jabbing a finger in Sam’s chest. He made a noise in the back of his throat offended at the accusation.

“What the hell makes you think we did anything?” Bucky crossed his arms across his chest. Wanda turned her narrow gaze to Bucky.

“Well. Something happened to her. And I know Natasha wouldn’t do anything to hurt her.”

“Oh and we would?” Sam snapped, shaking his head. “We didn’t do anything to her Wanda, she was like this when she came in.”

“He’s right.” Natasha interrupted, siding with the two men. “She’s been like this all morning. I have no clue why.”

The door the locker room opened, Y/N walking freshly out of the shower and a new change of clothes. She stopped short when she saw all four eyes locked on her across the room. Awkwardly, she waved to them before heading to the exit. Right as she reached it, Steve swung open the door, towel in hand. His steps faltered and a tight-lipped smile passed on her face.

The group couldn’t see her face from where they stood. All they could see was her nod her head once before stepping around Steve with a wide berth to head out the exit. Steve was left stunned. It wasn’t normal to not have his ear talked off when it came to Y/N. Blinking rapidly, he wandered over to Bucky, brows furrowed in confusion.

“What she say?” Wanda asked. Steve’s mouth fell open to answer but couldn’t find the right words.

“Uh… Nothing.” He shrugged.

“And you don’t find that strange?” Wanda asked the group, pinning each of them with her stare. Bucky bristled at the insinuation, his hands balling into fists.

“We never said it wasn’t. We just have no idea what’s wrong with her.” He snapped, stepping up with his back straighter and shoulders set. Wanda glared right back, red seeping into her eyes. Natasha wiggled her way between them, grumbling under her breath.

“Alright. Alright, enough.” She held her hands out to both, pushing them back. “Wanda, we have no clue what happened. Y/N walked in like this. It’s probably nothing and she’s just having an off day. Why don’t we just let whatever happened run its course and see how she is through the rest of the day. No point on biting each other’s heads off when we all did nothing wrong.”

The group grumbled their agreement, still not at ease with how the morning had turned. Steve was just as concerned as the rest. It was odd that she didn’t greet him with her megawatt smile when he walked in the gym, and it was odd how her face seemed to tighten at the sight of him. All he got this morning was a tight-lipped smiled before she ran out the door. What was even odder was the fact that she seemed to give him as much space as possible. As if she didn’t want to get too close.

Steve turned to the door, his brows creased and mouth in a tight line. Something was going on with Y/N, but who was he to worry about her?

~~~~~~~~

Things hadn’t gotten much better with Y/N over the next few days. She had stopped taking part in the loud discussions that always managed to start up in the kitchen or the living room. Her words were short and few in between, but she didn’t seem upset. Just much more subdued than usual. When someone would speak to her, so would she. But it was never the same volume as before.

Sam and Clint both made it their mission to get her to snap. They did everything from switching her sugar to salt in her coffee to going into her room and putting baby powder in her hair dryer. Nothing worked. She would just sigh and turn her back to them, shoulders tense. They thought she’d give up and go back to her old ways, but nothing worked. Not even Natasha could get her to admit what was wrong.

Steve, however, was taking her attitude change harder than the rest. Don’t ask him why he didn’t even know. He thought he’d prefer her at a lower decibel, he assumed she would be more manageable and easier to get along with. But this, this wasn’t what he thought it would be like. To him, it almost seemed creepy. This wasn’t the Y/N he had come to know. The wasn’t the same woman in the slightest. It was as if someone else swapped personalities with her.

Y/N hadn’t shown any improvement in her attitude in the field either. Actually, she seemed to be less productive now. One of the ways she managed to get people to confess was using her power and then releasing it. There she’d act like a good cop, bargaining with them for information and if they didn’t give her what she wanted, she’d switch her powers back on again. Now, she just threw herself into it. There was no build up, no false sense of security.

Just last week they needed information about the next hit Hydra ordered. They apprehended one of the agents and sent in Y/N to get out the information when he wouldn’t fess up. The team assumed the old Y/N would come out now that she was in the field. Instead, she walked in and used the full force of her powers on the man. She was already so powerful, but she had a strong grip on her control. When her power flared to life, even with the thick walls it suffocated everyone.

The agent instantly started sobbing, blubbering like a small child before it grew to mindless screaming for mercy. As it turns out, her power can actually break the human spirit and shatter their sanity into a thousand pieces. It only affected the man in front of her, but it still rattled the rest of the group. Steve was furious.

“What the hell was that?!” He snarled, dragging Y/N into a conference room. She blinked, her face unmoving despite the rage rolling off him in waves. Tony, Fury, and Maria both sat around the meeting table, their mouths pulled into thin lines. She tore her gaze away, refusing to look at anyone in particular as Steve raged on. “You ruined any chances of getting information out of him!”

“Actually Cap, she ruined any chance of him being a normal human being again,” Tony interjected, pulling up a hologram of the doctor's report. The mental status report had been sent in a few moments before Steve dragged her in. The poor man couldn’t remember his name let alone the information they needed.

Y/N pinched the bridge of her nose between her fingers and let out a heavy breath. When she opened them, their faces hadn’t changed a bit. Settling on a point at the table, the brief glimpse she caught of their expressions was burned in her mind. Steve was livid, Tony seemed borderline irritated with a hint of amusement, while Fury and Maria both had a hard expression that told her she was in for it for the next few weeks.

“Look. I’m sorry. I let a few personal matters get to me and clearly, I didn’t handle it well.” She said calmly. Steve flinched at how lifeless she sounded when she mentioned her personal matter and shot Tony a concerned look. Tony tilted his head in acknowledgment, he too aware of the pain she seemed to be suppressing. “I can’t promise it won’t happen again by accident, but I’ll make sure to put more training in to ensure it doesn’t.”

Fury shifted in his seat, folding his hands on his crossed knee. His single eye narrowed as he looked her over and gave her a curt nod.

“See that it doesn’t agent. Dismissed.” He said curtly. Y/N’s eyes fluttered shut for a spilt-second before she jerked her chin and spun at heel to leave the room. After the door shut behind her, Fury grunted.

“What did you people do to her?” He accused, leveling Steve and Tony with a stare. Both men frowned and glanced at the other.

“We didn’t do anything.” Tony snapped, narrowing his eyes. Steve set his hand on the back of a chair and sighed.

“She’s been like this for almost a week now. This is the first time she’s actually admitted something wrong.” Steve replied, his brows furrowing at the tightness in his chest at the idea. It wasn’t like Y/N to keep everything bottle up inside her like this.

“Well, whatever’s wrong with her, fix it,” Fury ordered. “She needs to be in complete control and that can’t happen when her minds on other things.”

Pushing back the chair he stood, Maria right behind him. Not waiting for a reply, he grabbed the folder off the desk and briskly left the room with Maria following. Steve flinched when the door snapped shut behind them. Tony scoffed.

“You can get rid of that sad puppy dog look, Captain.”

Steve frowned, his head snapping up to Tony.

“What’s with the tone, Tony?” He asked. Tony rolled his eyes and leaned back in his seat.

“We all know you don’t like Y/N, you put up a good front though.” He waved a hand absently. “But when you dart out of a room anytime she comes in, or you won’t sit to talk with her when she comes to find you, it gets pretty noticeable.”

Steve stood taller, his mouth drawing into a tight line. He opened his mouth to argue, but it dawned on him. He hadn’t been the most welcoming person to Y/N in the few months she’s been here. Was that really how everyone perceives him? Tony smirked and shook his head.

“To put it simply; you’ve been an ass to our Y/N, and I wouldn’t be surprised if it was something you did.” Groaning softly under his breath, Tony stood and grabbed his tablet. Steve’s face fell, the notion her change might have been because of him made his stomach turn. Tony clapped a hand on his shoulder, his mouth pulled into a tight line. “Like Fury said, we’re going to fix this. But don’t worry. We won’t waste your precious time.”

At that, Tony left Steve alone in the conference room, the sting of his words lingering behind. Steve’s shoulder slumped. Maybe this had been his fault. But when? How? He really didn’t think it would have been that big of a deal to leave early after the game. Maybe he thought wrong and she did take it wrong. That wouldn’t mean this complete 180 though, would it? It wasn’t the first time he escaped a game night gone wrong, and she didn’t seem upset them. Perhaps it was something else. That had to be it. He really hadn’t done anything wrong, at least he didn’t think he did.

“Hey FRIDAY,” Steve called. Immediately, the AI system responded.

“Yes, Captain?”

“Go back to the last game night, the one with monopoly, did anything happen to Y/N between the time I left, and she went to bed?” He asked. Silence met him as the computer searched the data.

“No, it doesn’t seem like anything happened. She never left her room once she entered either.” FRIDAY replied. Steve frowned, even more, confused than before. So if there wasn’t anything that happened to her then what was with change?

Clenching his jaw, Steve knew he needed to get to the bottom of this. Not just as a Captain to his team, but as a way to make up for being such a shitty housemate. And maybe even as a way to start an actual friendship with him. Now that he’s seen this side of her, he realized how judgment and close-minded he was. He needed to find her and talk with her.

~~~~

Y/N had just stripped out of her suit and into her PJs when there was a hesitant knock on the door. She frowned. She wasn’t expecting anyone tonight, especially not after she just got her ass handed to her. Reluctantly she went to open the door and was surprised at the person on the other side.

Steve stood there awkwardly, his hands in his pockets. She blinked and took a step back.

“Uh… hi?” she greeted cautiously.  Steve smiled hesitantly and shifted from foot to foot.

“Hey. Can we talk?”

“W-Why?” She clutched on the handle and shifted behind the door in an attempt to hide behind it. Steve noticed and his smile fell. He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair.

“I know I’m the last person you want to talk to. I’ve not been the most welcoming and I want to apologize. Can I please come in?” He asked earnestly. Y/N was caught off guard at his sincerity. Nodding numbly, she pulled the door open and let him in her room.

Steve glanced around the room, noticing the number of pictures she had hanging up on her wall, pretty fairy lights cascading down the walls illuminating each photo. Her comforter was a light lilac with stuffed animals on the bed. He eyed the little knickknacks matched the rest of her décor on her desks and shelves adding to the warmth and homey feel her room had. Realization hit him that he really hadn’t taken the time to get the real her.

“Go ahead and have a seat.” Y/N waved to the bed before sitting on the other end. Steve sank into the plush mattress, taking a moment to look over Y/N. She refused to make eye contact, to busy wringing her fingers together to notice him staring. Once again, he was struck by how beautiful she was, and how poorly he handled everything.

“Look Y/N, I don’t know what happened the past few days and why you’re acting different, but somethings changed. We all can see it.” He said. Y/N opened her mouth to argue but thought better of it. Steve continued on. “I don’t know what happened, but it hurts all of us to see you like this. It’s like you’ve lost a huge part of yourself and we’re seeing this empty shell. I mean, Sam and Clint both are losing their minds because what ordinarily would work on getting you riled up is doing nothing. And Bucky’s beside himself, Natasha and Wanda are worried sick, and Tony is pissed because-.” Steve stopped short, his face twisting into a pained expression. “He thinks I’m the reason.”

Y/N tensed, her breath catching in her throat. It was minuscule, but Steve caught it. He sat taller and his stomach sank.

“It is because of me.” He whispered sadly. He tore his eyes away from her to stare blankly at his hands. Y/N closed her eyes but didn’t deny it. “I’m sorry. I know I’ve not been accepting. I didn’t mean to hurt you though.”

Y/N nodded slowly, biting her lower lip as he kept talking.

“Truth is, you intimidate the hell out of me. I’ve never met someone who was so sure of themselves and so incredibly proud about it. You held nothing back and you’re so willing to put your heart on your sleeve, I kind of envy you a little. People loved you right of the bat and your just so sweet inside and out. I mean, you didn’t let anyone tell you to chill out before. Which leaves me to ask, why now? Why did I affect you so much that you changed everything about you?”

That caused Y/N’s face to heat up. No way was she going to admit it aloud! It was already embarrassing enough Steve knew he was a reason why she changed, but for him to know what the full reason was mortified her.

“Y/N.” He gently took her hand in his, the corners of his lips turned up. “You don’t have to tell me. I just want you to know that no matter what you think, I don’t hate you. I never did. Matter of fact, I really like you. More than I thought. It didn’t hit me how much I’d come to admire and appreciate your take on life until now. I miss hearing you bicker with Tony about the best brew coffee first thing in the morning or when you and Bucky gang up on Sam. I know Natasha and Wanda miss having their best friend. And game nights will never be the same without you threatening and then following through with flipping a table.”

Y/N giggled and ducked her chin. His grin grew, finally seeing a glimmer of her former self.

“I’m not asking you to forgive me for how I’ve behaved. I can only ask you’ll give me a chance to make up for being such a shitty person.” He grinned.

“Language, Captain.” Y/N teased.

“Is that ever going to die?” Steve groaned and rolled his eyes. “Wait you weren’t even there!”

“I know but hate to break it to you, it’s here for the long haul.” Y/N giggled and shook her head. Steve’s laughter joined hers, his smile stretching from ear to ear. He titled his head to the side after a beat before letting out a sigh.

“So, are you going to be okay?” He asked hopefully. Y/N let out a deep breath, for the first time all week feeling lighter. She was so drained from keeping her emotions in check, it took every ounce of her strength not to react to the attempts at making her snap. She knew it was ridiculous trying to change, but she really thought it was for the better. Turns out, it not only damaged her but everyone she loved.

“Yeah. I think I’ll be okay.” She spoke confidently. Steve patted her thigh and quickly stood.

“Good, because Tony discovered some new game called The Jackbox Party Pack or something along those lines.” He extended a hand and waited for her to take it.

“Wait, right now?” She asked surprised. He nodded and took her hand.

“Yup. Come on. Team bonding time.”

Y/N laughed, letting him pull her up and drag her out of the room. He looked at her over his shoulder, his breath catching in her throat at the way her face lit up from her grin. Turning back quickly, he hoped she didn’t notice the way his ears turned pink. He was an idiot for not taking the time to get to know her. He wasn’t going to ruin his chance with her a second time. Maybe it wasn’t going to easy, but for Y/N he knew it would be worth it.

Perma Tag: (CLOSED)

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(Let me know if I missed you, the strike means I can’t tag you for some reason.)

Steve Tag: (Open)

@biologik / @screamimalive / @ahsokastarwars / @bucky-smiles / @robfangirl /

(Let me know if I missed you, the strike means I can’t tag you for some reason.)

[kyber-kisses]

Long Gone

(Gif not mine, credit goes to owner)

Steve Rogers x Reader

A/N: The Avengers Endgame trailer kind of killed me, as did angsty sad boi Steve so I felt inspired to write this.

Warnings: Slight IW spoilers? Angst. might be a little cheesy

Summary: When Y/N went missing a year before Thanos arrival Steve Rogers broke. His teammate and the person he held most dear was gone and he was never able to find her. Everything changes after the snap. What happens when a mysterious figure enters the compound and changes Steves life all over again?

  Steve should have told you. God he should have told you how he felt. He should have done it long ago. So why didn't he? It was obvious: Fear. How could someone as brilliant and beautiful as you ever understand and care for a man as broken as him? Steve Rogers was a great deal of things but a romantic partner was not one of them. He had nothing to give and with you, god with you all he wanted to do was hand you the world.

When you disappeared months before the Name Thanos ever reached the Avengers Steve was distraught. He went against Nat and Sam and tried desperately to find you, but around each corner was another dead end. And when Thanos reached earth and wiped out half of all life, that's when Steve really lost all sense of hope. If he couldn't find you then, he sure as hell wouldn't be able to find you now.

That was 3 years ago. 3 years, 17 days, 12 minutes, and 34 seconds since Steve last laid eyes you. Your beautiful y/e/c eyes, and bright smile. Not to mention your laugh. God your laugh made his heart swell. There was no doubt that Steven Grant Rogers was utterly in-love with you. Nothing could ever break that, not even your absence.

Steves head hung low as he sat at the kitchen counter in the Avengers compound, a now cold cup of coffee held between his calloused hands. His eyes drowning in the brown liquid that was being held in your favorite mug. He did this often and it broke his remaining team-members hearts.

Nat leaned against the doorway, taking in the state of her dear friend. She could see that all hope and life had slowly drained from the Captains eyes.

“Steve, you really should get some sleep.” she spoke up, slowly stepping into the dimly lit room. Without tearing his eyes away from his fixed point in the mug the once mighty super-soldier spoke up.

“Whats the point Nat? Even if I try ill just wake up to nightmares a few hours later.”

Nat walked around the counter to place a hand on his shoulder.

“Steve, y/n wouldnt want you to be wallowing in your guilt like this.”

Steves grip on your mug tightened to the point of his knuckles turning white.

“Well Y/n not here, is she Nat? If she was she would be exactly the same way, do you want to know why? Because we failed. We vowed to protect the earth and its people and we failed. And the cost? The cost was half of all life, not just here but across the universe.”

She could see the tears forming in Steves blue eyes, and for the life of her she couldn't find the right words to say. She had always seen the way Steve looked at you, and to be honest she had never seen a person more in-love. You were his backbone, his crutch as he was yours. Natasha Romanoff wouldnt dare tell Steve Rogers what you felt towards him because she knew it would just break him more and she knew it was your secret to tell. As she tried to find something to say, her thoughts were interrupted by a shrilling beeping sound echoing down the corridor. Her hand fell away from his shoulder as both head shot upwards.

Before either of them could register their movements, both of them were dashing down the hallway towards the noise. The sound led them back to the lab in which they found Bruce hunched over a computer.

“Banner what is it?” Steve stalked forward towards the scientist who pushed his glasses back onto the bridge of his nose.

“Its the perimeter sensors. One of them went off on the east side of the building.”

Steve and Natasha shared a look before turning heel and leaving, but before they could pass through the doorway, Bruce was stopping them.

“Woah, woah, woah we have no idea what passed through the perimeter. We need to be careful.”

Nat turned to look her friend in the eyes.

“No offense Bruce but weve gone up against an numerous alien armies as well as a robot one. I think Steve and I can handle whatever this is.” Before the duo could even let Bruce respond they were already walking down the hallway.

As they walked through the compound towards the front doors, Steve, for the first time since the snap took notice in how different the place he had lived so many years in felt. In the beginning it was full of light, and life. It was full of energy. But now, now it was cold and eerie. It was deathly quiet. The remaining members all had their quarters in the west wing of the compound. It was the only place where the lights were used. No one could bring themselves to enter the rest of the compound, it only brought back memories of their fallen friends and team-mates. So the electricity was shut off and they ignored those areas as if the ghosts of their friends still stalked the halls and lounges.

This was the first time in a long time Steve was truly alert and aware of all of his surroundings. He always jumped at any chance to distract himself from the memories of you that plagued his mind all hours of the day.

Natasha pushed open the set of doors in front of them that led to what you had always called the lobby.as they entered, they stopped dead in their tracks. Even though the lights were off, the natural light from outside filtered in through the once shining floor to ceiling windows. The sky outside was overcast and a light rain beat down against the glass. But that's not what called their attention.

A figure stood inside the lobby, back turned to them and eyes presumably scanning the skies. An umbrella was placed delicately against their shoulder as their other hand rested at their side. Steve could tell the figure was a woman due to her subtle curves and small hands. The woman’s trench coat was a deep black. So dark it almost felt like it was sucking Steve in.

They didnt have to make a sound for the woman to slowly turn around and lock eyes with Steve. It was as if everything went into slow motion. It was you. Y/n y/l/n the greatest love of Steves life, and the missing piece of his heart.

Steve was frozen in place, his eyes taking you in and seeing how you had changed. Your hair was darker... and shorter, maybe a little choppy. he wanted to move, but he was frozen. Frozen with fear and shock. finally your name came tumbling out of the super soldiers lips.

“Y/n?”

At the sound of your name, the pain in your face melted away and was replaced with a warming smile that spread across your features. You let out a sigh, knowing your mind wasnt playing tricks.

“Steve.”

And then you were rushing forward with tears in your eyes, wanting nothing more than to feel him. As you did Steve stepped into a sprint, running toward you. And then you were there. Diving into his arms and wrapping yours around his neck. His arms winding around your waist as you both fell to your knees. As you buried your face in his neck, you could feel his tears on your skin. You inhaled. He still smelled the same. coffee and his tea tree shampoo.

You could have stayed like that forever but you didnt. You pulled away from Steve, looking into his eyes. Doing so made you tear up again. He looked so worn. He looked tired. Steve placed his hands on the side of your face, brushing away the stray tears with his thumbs.

“Oh my god, I thought I lost you. I thought you were dead.” his voice quaked as tears kept falling. “Your alive.”

“Yeah Steve, im alive. Im here now.” You rubbed your hands against the back of his neck, calming him.

“I never told you.” He continued, “ I never told you how in-love I am with you. I never told you how much you mean to me. How ever since I met you, you have been my home.”

You froze, your mind in complete shock. Steven Grant Rogers loved you?

You reacted quickly, leaning forward and smashing your lips against his. He was stunned for a moment before you felt his lips move against yours in sync. He tasted like peppermint. You pulled away to look at the brilliant man in front of you.

“I love you too.”

Part 2?

[spidey-babe-parker]

Fragile Line

chapter 5:

oh, holding my breath

Inspired: Beauty and the Beast 

Featuring: Bucky Barnes

warnings: angst, tears, sadness, oh and yeah smut happens... finally.

an: So it’s been forever and a day, and I’m sorry about that. There might be one more chapter of this if people like actually want epilogue chapter. Also Infinity War totally didn’t happen in this story for many reasons.

 I’m starting almost done with a Drunk Bucky Barnes college au mini series, that I’m trying to finish so that’s going up soon. Oh and the next next fairy tale inspire story is going to be the modern day little mermaid story with Steve Rogers and Bucky is going to pop up in that.

Series Masterlist: links are broken, the series masterlist is in my masterlist. The link is in the bio.

Lydia listened to what Steve has told her to do. She got down to Amsterdam and checked into a hotel with nothing but her duffle bag and purse. She watched as the feud between Iron Man and Captain America played out in front of the world.

After the constant coverage it got to the point, she couldn’t watch it anymore.

She couldn’t believe all of this seemed to be happening over Bucky. Who was being framed for something he didn’t even do.

She went into to town to find a bookstore so she could find a something to reader to keep herself distracted. She avoided seeing newspapers or watching TV. She didn’t want to read the horrible things that everyone was saying about Bucky Barnes. She saw over and over again he was being referred to as the assassin the Winter Soldier. She couldn’t wrap her mind around the fact that some people considered him to be a killer. The man who rescued her who seemed more afraid of himself didn’t seem like the man who would kill people. She knew he had a dark past but she knew he didn’t have any control over who he was or what he did. He wasn’t the monster they were making him out to be.

It had been two weeks since she last saw Bucky, and she missed him. She missed constantly having him around even if they didn’t talk much. She just felt safe being around him and she like his presence. On the fifteenth day they had been apart she opened the door to her hotel and found a flip phone with a text on it. It simply read “meet me at the café rose at 8:30am”. She didn’t have a doubt in her mind that it was Steve finally coming to let her know she could leave. That night she nervously sat around. She was worried Steve was going to tell her something bad happened to Bucky. That night she didn’t get much sleep, she tossed and turned and a dream about being with Bucky again.

She got dressed and headed into town in the early morning. At eight thirty she walked up to Café Rose to find Steve Rogers sitting outside with a baseball had on and sunglasses. Slowly she walked over and sat down across from him. She could tell something was wrong, he just looked sad.

“Morning,” he softly said.

“Morning,” she replied not exactly what else she should say. She hadn’t ever talked to Steve outside of the time Steve found her in Bucky’s apartment.

“Before you ask, he’s safe and hidden away from everyone,” he looked over at the girl who seemed to be on the verge of tears right in front of him.

She let out a soft sigh and nodded her head knowing that him being hidden away was for the best.

“He’s not hurt at all?” she asked knowing there had been a big fight in an airport in Germany.

Steve sighed and her heart dropped at the thought of him being hurt. “He got pretty beat up and his metal arm gotten taken off.”

She gasped and reached up to cover her mouth. She suddenly wanted to cry at the thought that he lost his arm again. “Is he okay?”

“Yeah he’s fine I took him somewhere where he can get a new arm and he’ll be okay,” Steve sounded so calm and it was making her feel better about the situation.

“Where is he?” she asked.

Steve let out a heavy sigh and looked down at the table that had a coffee sitting in front of him, “Lydia I can’t tell you that unfortunately. I can’t let anyone know where he is. I can only keep him safe if nobody knows where he is.”

She knew he wouldn’t be able to tell her, but there was a part of her that wished he could, “is he still having nightmares?”

He shook his head, “no he won’t anymore. Where we took him, they’re going to fix him and take away what Hydra put in his mind away.”

Her eyes grew wide and started to brim with tears, “please tell me you’re not gonna wipe him.” She felt bile crawl up her throat at just the thought of someone wiping Bucky again, when he was just getting some of his memories back.

Steve’s own blue eye grew wide as he reached across the table and placed his hand on top of hers, “oh god no, I will never let that happen to him again.” He paused for a moment. “Were trying to get him back to being normal Bucky. I don’t want them to ever be able to trigger him again.”

She nodded her head trusting Steve. From what she had read in the last two weeks, Steve and Bucky were childhood best friends. She knew that he cared for Bucky as much as her.

“What happens from here?” she asked knowing that Bucky was never going to be in her life again. It was finally time for her to go home to the states for a while. She just needed to hear what Steve thought she should do.

“I’m going to go into hiding and you should probably leave Europe for a little while. If anyone ask about your time in Romania don’t let anyone know you knew who he was.”

“Okay will do.”

-&-

She had been home back in the states for about two months. She moved back into her parent’s house. When she first came home, they asked her loads of questions of about her time in Romania. She didn’t tell them much other than she worked in a café. She worked on restarting her life back in the states. She had just started working at a coffee shop in her town. Her life was simple and she knew that, but since coming home she felt like something was missing. She knew it probably had to do with the fact she never actually got to say goodbye to Bucky. The last time she saw him was the morning in the safe house after they shared a kiss. She had fallen in love with the man that saved her life, and now here she was having to live her life acting as if she had never met him.

She often heard people talking in the coffee shop about Steve Rogers and Tony Stark. Every time she heard Steve’s name, she would help but listen in at the thought that maybe they might mention Bucky. After everything had originally happened Bucky’s picture was plastered across magazines most of them referred to him as the Winter Soldier one of the deadliest assassins to live. It always made her sick to her stomach reading about him, because she knew the Winter Soldier wasn’t truly Bucky. That was who the people who wiped him turned him into. She hated that people didn’t know the Bucky she knew, and they never really would.

Three years later

Sitting in the kitchen at her parent’s house she was listening to her parents talking about her birthday that was tomorrow. She hadn’t even actually thought about her birthday her mind had seemed to be in other places recently.

“What are your birthday plans Lydia?” her mother asked grabbing her attention.

“What?” she looked up from her coffee that was sitting on kitchen table in front of her.

Her mother gave her an unamused look as she knit her eyebrows together, “Lydia have you even been listening to me or your father?”

“Sorry I zoned out,” she picked up the large cup of coffee and brought it up to her lips. Her eye looked at her mother who gently shook her head at her daughter.

“Did you want to have dinner tonight with us?” she asked her daughter.

Nodding her head, she gave her mother a half smile, “yeah I’m going out tonight with some friends and people from work tonight. So, tomorrow is perfect.”

-&-

Walking into the crowed bar with some friends and coworkers, she couldn’t help but wonder if she made a mistake by going out. She wasn’t ever a person who enjoyed going to crowed bars, and she wasn’t sure why she thought going to one with all her friends to celebrate her birthday would be a good idea.

Standing at the bar next to her friend Allie she was listening to her go on and on about her cousin who she thought would be a great match for Lydia. Allie had been a friend of hers since high school, and she was on a mission to find Lydia a man, even though she had told her often she wasn’t interested in dating. Allie like everyone else had no clue about Lydia’s time with Bucky. She just assumed that Lydia didn’t want to take because of her terrible break up before she left to move to Romania.

“Lydia you and Kyle would get along amazing, why do you at least go on one date with him?” Allie asked before taking a sip of her cranberry and vodka.

“Allie I’m not interested in dating,” she sighed looking down at her drink that was sitting on the bar.

“Come on Lydia one date wouldn’t kill you,” Allie wasn’t ready to give up on getting her friend to go out on a date.

“Allie maybe another time,” she picked up her drink and walked over to the table where the rest the group was sitting.

Allie followed behind her friend, and shouted to the group, “someone buy the birthday a shot we need to get her drunk.”

Lydia did nothing but roll her eyes as she sat down at the table. Moments later some of the group were waving down a waitress to order her a couple shots. She groaned as two shots of tequila were sitting in front of her. Taking both shots, she shook her head as the gold colored liquid slid down her throat.

Soon she was being dragged on to the dance for in the corner of the bar and was dancing with some friends. The gold liquid left her feeling slightly tipsy, few people offered to buy her drinks, but she turned them down not wanting to get drunk. As the clock struck midnight, she said her goodbyes to her friends telling them she couldn’t stay out super late because she had family stuff to do the next morning.

Walking outside she hailed a cab. Luckily the bar she was out wasn’t too far from her apartment. The warm feeling of the alcohol flushed through her system as she walked up to the elevator in the lobby of her apartment building. Clicking the button, the doors to the elevator opened and walked inside alone. Leaning against the wall of the elevator she couldn’t help but wonder if she should have maybe stayed at the bar for another hour, but for some reason she wasn’t really in the mood to celebrate her birthday. As the elevator doors opened as stepped out into the hallway. She saw a man in a hoodie standing in front of her door and she suddenly got nervous, she was tempted to go back to the bar instead of walking up to the man. Before she could even decide what to do a familiar face turned and looked at her.

Her heart jumped at the sight of Bucky standing at her door. Her eyes went wide as her eyes locked onto his icy blue ones. Without even thinking she took off running down the hall towards him. The second she got to him she wrapped her arms around him holding his body close to hers. “Bucky,” she muttered as tears started to slide down her face.

“Lydia,” his metal hand rubbed her back holding on to her.

As she held onto him tightly afraid if she let go of him, he would disappear again. Her body shook gently as she held on to him.

Pulling away from him slowly she looked up at him with watery eyes. She was still in a state of disbelief that Bucky was standing in the hallway in front of her apartment. She reached up placed her hand on his scruff covered cheek. A soft smile formed on his lips as his blue eyes stayed lock onto her eyes.

They hadn’t said a single word to each other, other then their names. She still seemed to be in a state of disbelief that she was with Bucky again, and he was shocked that she wasn’t mad at him for leaving her.

Leaning down he rested his forehead against her taking in her presence.

She wasn’t even sure what she should say to him right then. She had no clue where he had been for the last three years, and even though she thought about him often. She was constantly trying to remind herself that most likely she was never going to get to reunite with the man standing in front of her.

“I’m sorry I left you and never said goodbye,” he whispered breaking the silence that was between them.

She closed her eyes pushing back the tears that had formed between them. Reaching up he rested his hand on her cheek, and his thumb reached up an brushed the tears off her cheek.

“You didn’t have choice,” she said softly.

“Can we maybe go inside and talk?” he asked pulling away from her.

Nodding her head, she reached into her purse to pull out her keys. Bucky took another step away so she could the door. Walking side she set her purse on the floor and walked over to the couch in the living room. Bucky followed behind her and sat down on the couch next to her.

They stared at each other for a long moment neither of them exactly sure what they should say to each other. She reached over and rested her hand on thigh, and gave him a soft smile.

“I’m assuming you have a lot of questions,” he said softly knowing that three years had passed since they had seen each other and she had to have some questions.

“How did you find me?”

“Steve tracked you down for me,” he reached over and rested his hand on top of hers and gently squeezed her hand.

At the mention of Steve’s name, she couldn’t help but wonder if Steve had told Bucky that she thought she loved him all those years ago. She couldn’t lie that even with three years passing she was pretty sure she loved the man that was sitting next to her.

“Did he tell you that he met up with me after Germany?”

He nodded his head, “I asked him to make sure you were safe. I had him check on you occasionally.”

She nodded her head not exactly sure what else she should ask him, she was still completely blown away by the fact that she was seeing him again. “Are you still having nightmares?”

He shook his head, “no, they were finally able to take away what Hydra put in me.”

He gave her a gentle half smile that suddenly gave her butterflies.

“This might embarrass me, but did Steve possibly tell you how I felt about you?” her heart raced at the thought of Bucky rejecting her feeling she felt for him three years ago, especially since she still had those feelings.

Slowly he nodded his head, “he told me about them a little while ago. He also made sure to bring you up often. He knew you were one of the only real things in my life in the last seventy years.”

Tears started to slide down her cheek slowly, “when he found me that day, I honestly thought I was never going to see you again. We had shared that kiss that morning and I thought things were getting better for you…” she paused for a moment reliving that morning. “I should over never ask for you to go out and get fruit. We might have had more time together,” she couldn’t help but cry feeling suddenly guilty.

“Hey,” he reached up placing his hand on her cheek so she was looking up at him. “We were living on borrowed time. If I didn’t go out that morning, I was eventually going to go out again, they were going to find me at some point. I’m just glad that Steve found you and not someone else.”

She nodded her head and asked him the one thing she needed to know in that moment, “are we on borrowed time right now?”

He shook his head, “no I’m not going anywhere unless you ask me to.”

“Okay good because I’m not ready to lose you again.”

“Lydia, just so you know, I felt the same way you did back then.”

She couldn’t help but smile. Reaching up she placed her hand on his wrist that was resting on her cheek, “do you still have those feelings?”

She needed to know, even if he didn’t it wouldn’t change how she felt then or now.

He nodded his head, “you’re still the realest thing that has ever been in my life.”

“That makes me feel better knowing that I’m the only one with those feelings,” she said softly causing him to smile.

“Are you single?” he asked completely out of nowhere.

Her brows furrowed together as she gave him a confused look, “yes, why?”

“Because I would like to kiss you again, but I want to make sure you’re not taken.”

Her eyes lit up at the thought of them sharing another kiss. “I would love for you to kiss me.”

Without another word he leaned forward and connected his lips to hers for a gentle kiss. His lips moved against hers slowly as if he was testing the waters. Pulling away from her he couldn’t help but smile, he had waited a long time before he was able to see her again, and here he was being able to kiss her again.

“I have missed you so much,” she whispered.

“I missed you too, I know I have been gone for a while, but they fixed me.”

Even though they had taken out what Hydra put in him, Bucky was still left with what he had done under his control. He felt a substantial amount of guilt for the people he had hurt because of Hydra.

“Why does it sound like you don’t feel like you’re fully fix?” she asked knowing that by his tone he still sounded guilty.

“I will never be able to forget what I did because of them. Even being wiped I’m still left with the memories are coming back,” he sighed.

“Hey, we’ve been over this, you weren’t in control you aren’t a monster. You didn’t do those things,” she sighed shaking her head.

“I know, that’s what Steve reminds me of all the time.”

“Bucky what happens now?” she asked needing to know if eventually he was going to leave again.

“I don’t exactly have a plan, I asked Steve to track you down. I told him I needed to see you, I wasn’t sure if you had a boyfriend or something, but needed to see you again.”

She smiled, “I’m glad you tracked me down, because in the last three year I have thought about you often.”

He reached up and pushed a piece of hair behind her ear and asked, “where were you tonight?”

She let out a heavy sigh, “I went to the bar with some friends to celebrate my birthday.”

His eyes went wide at the mention of her birthday, “it’s your birthday?”

She smirked at how caught off guard he sounded, “well technically since it’s after midnight yes it’s my birthday.”

“I wish Steve would have told me that I would of brought you a gift,” he sighed feeling suddenly stupid that he didn’t know this information.

“I don’t really need a gift. See you again is enough,” she leaned forward and pressed her lips to his again for a soft kiss. She wrapped her arms around his neck pulling him close to her, she didn’t think she would get over the fact that she was able to kiss him again. Pulling away from him she looked over at the clock to see that it was one in the morning. “Did you maybe want to stay the night? It’s late and I’m exhausted, but I’m not ready for you to leave again.”

He nodded his head, he couldn’t lie he thought about the nights he shared wrapped up in her arm held close against her curvy body.

“I would really like to stay the night.”

Standing up she reached over and laced her fingers with Bucky metal fingers and led him down the hallway towards her bedroom. She dropped his hand and walked towards her dresser to grab her pajamas.

“You can sleep how ever you want. If you want to sleep in your boxers,” she as she walked towards the bathroom so she could take off her makeup and get ready for bed.

She removed her make up and washed her face and changed into her pajamas. Walking back into her bedroom she found Bucky sitting on the edge of the bed in nothing but his boxers. Walking over to him she moved to stand in front of him, he looked up and smiled at her. He never in his wildest dreams thought he would see her again, let alone get to share a bed with her again. Reaching up he gently took her hand and pulled her closer to him. Standing up he moved to press her lips to his for another kiss.

“How are you even real?” he asked wondering how he found her.

“I’m pretty average at most,” she whispered as his hands moved to her round hips.

He shook his, “you are far from average Lydia. You are perfect.”

Before she could even say anything sat back down on the bed and pulled her onto his lap so she was straddling him as he sat on the edge of the bed. Reaching up he held her face in both hands staring at her.

“I don’t know what happens tomorrow, for all I know you could kick me out and tell me to leave…” he paused for a moment to stare into her eyes. “But I would love to share one real night with you.”

“Bucky I would never kick you out and tell you to leave,” she leaned down and connected her lips to his for an intense kiss. Their lips moved together as if they need the other to breathe. Her fingers tangled in his long hair hold him close to her as his hand gripped her round hips grinding her against him. There tongued moved together as she rolled her hips gently against him. His lips moved from her mouth and started kissing down her jaw. As his beard tickled her skin, she couldn’t help but moan at the feeling of his lips against her skin. His metal hand pushed her shirt up exposing the metal of his touch to her bare skin. The cool metal sent a shiver down her spine in the best way possible. Tilting her head back she gave him more access to her exposed skin.

Pulling his lips away from her skin he reached down for the bottom of her shirt. Pulling it off he couldn’t help but groan at the sight of her bare chest in front of her. He licked his lips before his lips moved to kiss her collarbones, before working his way to her bare chest. His lips kissed her sensitive skin as she grinded her hips against his grown bugled.

“Bucky, I need more,” she moaned.

With his lips ghosting her skin he spoke, “I didn’t come to see you with the intention of this happening.”

“I know you didn’t, but I need all of you,” she sighed as his lips peppered kisses across her skin. “I have missed you so much, and I just need all of you.”

He pulled his lips away from her skin, and in one quick motion stood up holding Lydia’s curvy body as if she weighed nothing. Her eyes went wide as he held onto her. She attempted to have him put her down but before she could say something he said, “you weigh nothing to me, quit freaking out.”

He moved and laid her down on the bed. Reaching up to her curvy hips he hooked his fingers into the band of her pajama shorts and panties, and pulled them both down in one quick motion. Laying on the bed completely naked in front of him she sat back on her elbows and watched as Bucky removed his boxers leaving him naked and proud in front of her.

“Do you have a condom?” he asked sounding slightly nervous.

Nodding her head, she moved to reach into the top drawer of her nightstand and pulled out a foil packet. Holding the foil packet out Bucky took it and tore it open and slowly slid the rubbed down his length. She watched with lust filled eyes as he pumped his length a few times before crawled into the bed. Lying next to her he connected his lips to hers for a searing kiss as his flesh hand moved down to her sensitive mound, his finger slid up and down for slit a few times before his fingers did lazy circle on her bundle of nerves while their lips moved together. He was attempting to give her some foreplay before. Pulling his lips away he continued to move his finger against her bundle of nerves causing to moan her name.

“Lydia what to you want?” he asked lying next to her.

“All of you,” she moaned.

Pulling his fingers away from her, he moved so he was hovering over her. She reached down and helped line him up with her entrance. Slowly he slid in and she gasped at his size, it had a been a really long time since she had sex. She was going to need a moment to adjust to his size. Once he was fulling in, he stilled for a moment giving her time to adjust. Her head rolled back as she took a deep breath and then looked up at Bucky who was staring out with lust blown eyes.

“Are you okay?” he asked feeling suddenly worried at the was hurting her.

“Yeah I’m fine, I just need a moment,” she said giving him a soft smile. He leaned forward and pressed his lips to hers for a soft kiss. “Go head and move,” she said with his lips still brushing hers.

With a slowly roll he started to move his hips against hers. Her hands moved up to grip his back as he continued to move into her. Groaned as his hips thrust into hers picking up the pace slightly. In all the time that had passed since they had last seen each other, he didn’t think he would ever get to be with her. In his mind back then he thought that they might event sleep together, especially after they had kiss, but then again, he wasn’t sure if she ever would want to do this with him.

“Bucky,” she moaned.

“Baby,” he groaned dropping his head to her shoulder. He started placing wet kisses across her bare skin. She moved her hands down to his butt pulling him as close as possible with every thrust. His teeth gently dragged across the skin of her shoulder as he moaned her name. He was getting close to the edge and he needed her to finish before him.

“Are you close?” he asked.

“Yeah Bucky,” she moaned as he picked up the pace.

Biting her bottom lip, she rolled her back moaning. Her fingers dug into his tone butt pulling him closer. With a few more thrust he pushed her over the edge. Her hands moved from his but up to his face pulling him closer to her so she could kiss him as she rode out her high. She moaned into his kiss as he rolled his hips a few times before hitting his own high. With a couple sloppy thrust he rode out his high before stilling his hips as he kissed. Pulling away from her he rolled off her and laid on the bed next to her. Silently he discarded the condom, and reached over to pulled her curvy body close to him.

She was left in a dazed state as she curled up next to him.

“Don’t ever leave me again,” she whispered as she was coming down from her high.

“I won’t ever let anything take me away from you again,” he leaned down and pressed his lips to the top of her head.

All my taglist are open. Let me know if you want to be tagged in the Steve Little Mermaid Modern day AU story.

@thisismysecrethappyplace @minahraven @lokilvrr @justreadingthesefanfics @inmyworstlies @shlach @imanaesir @theinsomniacsblog @unhealthyobsessionwithmarvel  @acebelle @nerd-without-a-cause @captain-rogers-neighborhood @sadancing @theonelittleone @all-of-the-little-infinites @thepandadrawer @hermione0919 @tnupsweetpie  @learisa @kgcurtis30 @alwaysbandslut @ruckystarnes @sarahsassafras13 @jessicao19 @breezy1415 @violetrose90201 @jamesbarnesappreciationsociety @iamthemaskhewears @lapels123  @explorer–of–the–unknownn @coal000 @thorsstorms @libbymouse @asadmarveltrashbag

[crimsonsalutations]

shoutout to everyone who followed me expecting reblogs and got Daniel’s 24/7 R76 Talkshow

niceteeth-nastysmile  replied to your post “WHILE i’m mad here’s another hot take: i hate hate HATE how the r76...”

My biggest peeve with the fandom behind this ship is the massively dense amount of people that oversimplify both of these characters, strip them down to basic cookie-cutter yaoi boys and completely disregard what makes them interesting. They're old vets with (likely severe) PTSD, vigilante complexes, life altering physical trauma (including the super soldier program) -- dude I could write an essay. The dynamic is awesome but everyone ignores ittt

yeah, I have problems with this too, like, they have one of the most unique relationships in the whole game and people waltz into the ship and create content that feels like it’s not even r76. and i mean. i cant really fault people for wanting their weird porn; you see that in all fandoms, all communities as a matter of fact, and if someone wants to write porn of the 2 hot dudes they saw in passing in ovw fanart that they know nothing about... well I’m not going to try and stop them, but I can and will laugh at their characterization, lmao.

but even so, there’s some people who are like... dedicated to the characters to an astounding degree and yet they insist on writing them so weirdly. i think one of my main problems with r76 fic, to say it in the fewst words possible, is people write them too nice. the ‘sad dads’ thing is cute and all, but i think people take it too far sometimes. they’re 50+ year old war vets, war machines, who are tired and violent and angry and pissed at the world that ate them up and spat them out when they outlived their usefulness and people...... write them as cute dads. I mean. I wont tell them no. but. it feels like a disservice to their characters.

(plus people who hate angst and love r76. it’s weird. like walking into a knife museum and saying you hate knives. why are you here if you hate knives???)

pcturtl replied to your post:

“WHILE i’m mad here’s another hot take: i hate hate HATE how the r76...”

A comparison we can safely make is Gabe tends to be a logic driven planner, while Jack tends to act more on instinct (with Overwatch/Ana/Gabe being 80% of his impulse control). Something so many people give Jack guff for is that he *hesitated* to save the girl, but given the choice, Gabe probably would have prioritized the objective. Disagree about the intentionally nonlethal ult though since it's limited to body shots. He probably wouldn't care if it killed them or not.

yeah, that is one of the few assumptions we can make, though the intricacies of that dynamic (ie. how it changed over the years, to what extent jack/gabriel are impulsive/tactical, etc) aren’t so clear, but I mean nothing is clear in this fuckin lore.

and YES that was actually what I saw that made me mad in the first place. Someone was saying 76 kills all over the place and reaper only shoots at those who shoot first (which is. wrong?? hes an assassin? do people know what an assassin does?). and it was so wildly wrong i got mad. lol.

And yeah, Gabe is tactical to an extreme degree. I’m quoting off the top of my head here, but in-game, his kill line for every non-overwatch player is ‘that was a tactical error’ which i think speaks volumes. Hana. Lucio. Fareeha == tactical errors in his head. doesn’t even refer to them as people. (and i think jack has a similar line but it isnt used in the same context? I’d have to check.)

He’s very tactical & very apathetic towards the world, I mean the only things I can say for sure that he cares/cared about are jack, ana, and blackwatch,and maybe jesse. honestly cant say if he ever gave a shit about overwatch, and my guess leans towards he didn’t. 

working somewhere for 30 years doesn’t mean you care about it as an organization, you know? the same goes for talon: we have 0 proof he cares about talon either. 

people try to use the bit in infiltration where he doesnt shoot That Dumbass who knocked himself out as proof of his goodness (whatever that means exactly) and its like... That Dumbass put himself out of the equation. why waste a shell on him if he wasnt interfering with the mission any more? reaper isnt excessively violent, as much as he cackles about death and whatever, and it seems like if something doesnt directly benefit him or benefit something he cares about, he doesnt care whether that thing or person lives or not. (like overwatch, like that guy who knocked himself out, like the recall agents. he just doesnt care)

re:  the jack ult, correct me if im wrong but i dont think that just because an ult works a certain way in-game doesnt mean it works that exact way in the cinematics. like genji cant actually deflect hanzo’s ult with his own ult the way he does in dragons. 

and i think that’s less jack caring about the ~*sanctity of life~* or giving a personal rat’s ass about los muertos jackasses, and more of an instinctual thing for him. like in the beginning of hero, when the one guy calls ‘come out and fight perro’ jack couldve easily shot all 3 of those guys and called it a day from his hiding spot. it’d be easier and faster and less of a risk for him. but instead he comes charging out, gun under one arm, and punches one of them in the face.

but at the same time we also saw him kill at least the guy with the minigun, and probably a couple others. off the top of my head, i think only half of them walked  drove away from that confrontation alive. if jack can get out of a situation without killing i think he would, but i also think he wouldnt hesitate to kill if it came to that. especially when it comes to ‘bad guys’ like los muertos

i think i’ve mentioned this before, but gabe’s and jack’s respective fighting styles can be summed up with ‘gabe=shooty shooty die’ and ‘jack= smacky smacky concussion’ with exceptions, of course

[bintrbl-blog]

INTRO: YNWA

Genre :: Angst  Pairing :: Taehyung x Reader Warning(s) :: Strong Language, Violence, Drugs reference, Some Sexual Content (mostly later in the story) Author here~~ I hope you enjoy this series TuT im working hard on it i swear, PT 1 is a little bit of a mess just bare with me <333 Ok ily all

12 years ago Loud crashes and bangs rumbled in the lower area of a some what drab house. The creaking of floor boards was loud against the crash of plates and chairs being thrown about. This was your lullaby, your drunken mother throwing fits, combating your older sister as she struggled to get her to take her medicine and sleep.. Usually these fights lasted no more than an hour, but tonight it felt like an eternity. You, 8 years old at the time, pulled your gray covers up to your nose, tear soaked cheeks burning with anger and sadness. The frantic sound of your creaking stair caught you by surprise. The door to your bedroom flung open before quickly slamming shut, the lock clicking. You pulled your covers over your eyes, closing them tightly as you heard your drunk mother screaming from the base of the stairs. Your sister stumbled towards your bed, taking you in her arms to embrace you, "Y/N, look at me" She pushed your hair from your face, looking at your doll like features, such a young child... "Just go to sleep ok, no matter what you hear just sleep" She kissed your forehead softly, tucking you in... She stood, despite your begs for her to stay she opened the door, clicking the lock and shutting it once more...

"You bitch what did you tell her!"

"Nothing, go drink yourself to sleep!"

"Im not a drunk!"

You had enough, you pushed yourself from your bed grasping your school bag, slinging it over your shoulder, you took a blanket in arms... You quietly tiptoed to your window, opening it causing it to creak softly.. Lucky for you, your living room/kitchen area was more like a luxury basement (meaning it was underground) so you could carefully step out of the window.. Once you did you took off down the road, you didnt look back, not even for a moment. You ran all night, sleeping on a bench near your school, the only place you knew in town besides the slums you lived in.. "Y/N-ah~ Wake up you cant nap outside silly!" a little boy's voice echoed in your brain, prying you from your sobbing slumber. You linked your eyes open, wincing at the light in your eyes.. "Taehyungie?" you grumbled pushing yourself up, wiping the crust from your eyes.. "Come on Y/N-ah its time for school" He said gripping your wrist, pulling you towards the building.. Taehyung was too a boy of a not so good past, only having his sister and her shit bag of a boyfriend. Always pushing him around, hitting him, yelling at him... You two lived in the same ratty neighborhood and had been friends since you could remember... You yanked your hand from his grasp "No Tae... I-I cant go to school.." You turned away heading towards town when you heard his bag jingling behind you-

"Well i guess ill just have to come with you- where are we going?"

"i dont know.."

Present Day-

"Y/N BRING ME SOME TOILET PAPER" The yell echoed from the bathroom of your apartment, you rolled your eyes at the call. You and Taehyung, ever since that day, had been together, when your sisters found you, when  you graduated, when you got jobs, met your bestfriends, entered college, and now in this apartment.. You werent dating, but you were very close, if that wasnt obvious enough-

"UNDER THE SINK TAEHYUNG I TELL YOU THIS EVERY TIME, I swear you shirt wayyyy to much" You heard the cabinet door slam then the flush of the pipes, the door to the restroom creaking open. "I heard that you know" Taehyung huffed adjusting his belt. He wore a blue leather jacket, black jeans, and a white crew neck t-shirt. You only chuckled at him, the boy smirking at you as you walked closer to him. You gripped his jacket at the collar, adjusting it so it folded evenly, moving your hands to smooth out the leather on his shoulders. "I know, you were meant too" you smirked up at him, he only offered a roll of his deep brown eyes as he playfully nudged you. You chuckled turning on your heels heading for the kitchen. "Y/N-ah you should get dressed, we are meeting the boys for dinner rememberrrr?" he cooed to you from the doorway of the long horizontal hallway which had your bedrooms, bath, and a small closet. You turned towards where is voice was, the small open area of your apartment was quite simple. A couch, small coffee table, a lamp, tv, and a large bean bag chair was all that took up the living area. As for the kitchen it was simple, the counter covering the small wall near the entrance of your apartment, an L shaped bar area branching off along the wall the hallway entrance was located on. Of course you had your fridge, oven, sink, but other than that was a small fold-able table with 2 plastic chairs. You looked to where your balcony was located, a wall of windows with a rickety old sliding glass door. Out side the vertical shades was another small table and two chairs, just for when you too wanted to laze about. The walls were a meek off white, faded in age, the floor scratched but still a deep brown...

"Hello? Y/N?"

"Oh yeah, i should change"

A few hours had pasted, you all had finished your dinners and you were now sitting at a long table just hanging around, 6 boys, not including Taehyung, were seated around you. Along with 2 girls, clung to the arms of Jungkook and Jimin. It hurt a little to see them laughing a kissing, that emptiness in the pit of your heart ached everytime. However, Taehyung was there to remind you he had your back... You were seated close the wall, a close friend Yoongi sat on your right, Taehyung to your left, and in the three seats in front of you were Jin, Namjoon, and Hoseok.. Leaving the love birds at the far left side. The boys were all talking and having fun, reminiscing about the old neighborhood you all lived in, the school you went to which was now shut down, even the old park you all played in... You were all so grown up now, but they all agreed the one that neer changed was you..

"Y/N is still as quiet as she was in school"

"Yah! She really still is"

You just smiled, resting a hand on Taehyung's knee, he offered you a smile as you rested you head on his shoulder. The whole night you had been pretty quiet, the only thing crossing your brain was how many times you beat Tae in games of rock paper scissors you held under the table.

"so are you two a thing?" The girl linked to Jungkook asked, gesturing to you and Taehyung.. You just looked at each-other for a moment, smiles creeping onto your faces as you both busted into laughter. Your loud chuckles echoed in the drab and rather empty restaurant, the girl, Jennie, was rather new to the group, so this sparked a confused look on her features. Through loud chuckles you spoke "Oh nooo, Taehyungie is my bestfriend" You wrapped your arms around him, hugging him tightly "Yeah Y/N-ah and I are just friends"

"Shes too cute for Taehyung anyways" Yoongi said slyly, craning his head to smirk at Taehyung, they always teased eachother. Even when you all were younger, Yoongi was 2 grades ahead of you and some of the others. But him and Tae always playfully butt heads, especially over you.. You found it cute, even now, knowing they couldnt possibly be serious... right?

"Hey now" You said gently shouldering Yoongi as you settled back against Tae, you played with his long fingers, gently tugging them and moving them, in your own little world.

'Tae youre drooling over there' 'am not' 'are too'

'stop fighting like children' 'youre not my mom Jin' 'might as well be'

You looked up at them all, heart strings being yanked in all directions as they all talked, "Joonie" you said softly, reaching your hand out to touch his. He looked at you a bit puzzled, smiling, cocking a brow. His dimpled tan cheeks a little red from your sudden touch, "Ah, Y/N what is it?" He asked leaning back in his seat, his gaze was always so seductive, even when just casually speaking, it was a quality about him no one could take away really-

"Why dont we go explore the old school or something, we havent really gone on an adventure and Jin's truck has enough room"

"Ah that sounds fun!" the boys all rejoiced in agreement, however Jennie shifted a bit looking at Jungkook, then to Jimin and JiSoo, she seemed to whisper something to them before standing, "I-I think i might just go home" You almost forgot, Jennie wasnt from around here, so she didnt go to school with all of you... You felt embarrassed, reaching across the table to grasp her wrist, "Hey, Im sorry, itll be fun we can show you around" You said smiling softly... It took a bit of convincing but before you knew it you all piled into the truck, You, Taehyung, and Hoseok sitting in the Bed of it while the others crammed into the cab.

As the car pulled into the abandoned parking lot and everyone made their way out of the truck, you yourself jumped out of the back, only to be confronted by a horrid scene. You felt your heart stop as a few figures came towards your group. The man in the middle of them stood with immense swagger, wearing a black crew neck, navy blue ripped jeans, and some sneakers... You knew exactly who he was by his slicked back blond hair which was under a backwards cap..

"Y/N, Hooligans, Fancy meeting you here~"

to be continued

[broukuto]

i wanna talk about trans girl oikawa

(putting under read more because this is a Lot. i’m using she/her pronouns for oikawa. and also warnings for like generalized angst, mentions and light descriptions of anxiety, depression, dysphoria. this is loosely inspired by my own trans experience)

so oikawa probably didn’t have the Word For It growing up and in adolescence but definitely knew that she was meant to be something different. she couldn’t quite figure out what or why.

volleyball proved to be a great distraction because all that mattered was that she was good, if not great. a great volleyball player, full stop. however she pushes herself too hard to be perfect at this, that she ends up hurting her knee during her second year.

in high school, despite being the most adored and chased after by girls of her peers, oikawa began developing more feminine traits; manners of speech, quirks, even things seen as “girly” like hair and skincare. which to oikawa, was extremely important - still, 17 and not quite found the Word for what she was feeling, knew that it was important for her to be able to control at least this aspect of their physical appearance. 

it’s not that she ever really hated her body - it served a function, to play volleyball well. but she didn’t love it. it was very easy for her to dissociate and compartmentalize that aspect of herself as to sort of make up for the generalized unease and underlying dysphoria she was always feeling. 

 things didn’t really click until she got her first girlfriend, who was expecting a boyfriend from oikawa. it wasn’t that she wasnt attracted to her, but she always found herself being more jealous of her, than anything. she was the first girl oikawa really knew and could get to be around up close and often - and that’s when it all clicked. oikawa wanted to be her, or at least, just like her. 

oikawa realized the feelings she always had, was because she wanted be a girl, deep down. and things felt right, as if a thousand questions had been answered. but still, it didn’t quite make the “apartness” oikawa felt from hajime and the team that she’d always felt. though they were always friends and oikawa did her best to be a great captain, she didn’t always feel like one of them. 

she didn’t know how to relate to the “guy things” they’d talk about, though oikawa was still physically male. and now knowing that she was transgender, only furthered the divide. 

hajime had been her best friend since infancy. they shared everything together since before they could remember. so it was an easy decision to want to tell him. one afternoon, hajime comes over and finds oikawa wearing lipstick. he laughs and tells her she looks dumb (of course he thinks this is just his Guy Friend messing around and doesn’t Know, please don’t hate him). Oikawa, testing the waters, teases and asks if hajime doesn’t think they would make a pretty girl. Hajime scrunches his face and says “Ew of couse not.” Something in Oikawa breaks, she goes to the bathroom to scrub off the lipstick, and they never talk about it again. Hajime doesn’t know, or else he wouldn’t have made fun - that’s what she tells herself, but it doesn’t make it easier to want to now.

the years pass. they graduate high school, they go to different colleges. oikawa passes the time with classes and volleyball. the easiest and time-tested distraction from The Gender Problem. however in her senior year, she decides to retire early. the knee problem from high school is flaring up again and if she’d like to live a life without irreparable damage, she’s advised to stop. 

it hurts because volleyball has given her years of joy since middle school. and now only does she have to figure out who she is outside of this Amazing player, now she can’t ignore The Gender Problem. it’s one thing to flirt and be ~feminine and pay the part of everyone’s gay best friend - but that’s not who she is. she doesn’t want to be the flamboyant gay friend. 

depression and anxiety began to settle in as a result of the gender dysphoria. and guilt. how could she do this to her parents? her family? her friends? they all had expectations for oikawa that did not include this. could it be easier to just accept being Male for the family? was one person’s happiness more important than her own? there was always a clear cut and defined vision of who oikawa was, as presented to the outside world, that greately overshadowed  who oikawa wanted to be. how could she just flip the script like that and make people learn a whole new person? was it worth it?

these are questions that oikawa obsessed over

oikawa and hajime grew apart during their last year of college. hajime still played volleyball and oikawa effectively fell off the social map. they emailed sometimes and texted occasionally, but it wasn’t close to how it was. hajime begins to get worried about his best friend. the person that used to text him 17 times in a row within two hours barely responds to his texts after 2 days.

it’s a little after their university graduation that hajime is able to go visit oikawa because he can sense that something isn’t right. when they talk on the phone, oikawa sounds resigned, tired, and really just sad. though she insists that nothing is wrong. and when hajime presses, she gets mad - rather than deflective as usual - and ends the conversation. hajime has known oikawa for too long not to know that something serious is going on. 

when they see each other again, it’s been almost a year since they’ve last been in person together. oikawa is thinner, bags under the eyes from insomnia, hair longer. hajime simply asks what’s wrong, and it’s enough for oikawa to break and have a full blown anxiety attack that scares hajime to death. when he’s calmed her down enough, oikawa sleeps for almost a full day. hajime stays the whole time. 

they’re laying in bed, like when they used to have sleepovers in middle school. when oikawa wakes up, hajime is there. he doesn’t ask again what’s wrong. oikawa says, “iwa-chan, i’m a girl...i’m not....i don’t feel...i’m supposed to be a girl.” 

hajime is in shock, but tries not to let it show. he simply rests a hand on oikawa’s neck, a sign of comfort. “Shitty-kawa, why didn’t you tell me?”

oikawa tells him about the day with the lipstick. hajime barely remembers, but oikawa can remember every detail - down to how many clouds were in the sky, what food her mother left on the stove, and how many seconds it took to scrub the lipstick off. 87. 

she tells him that she knew he didn’t really mean anything bad by it, and that if he knew, he wouldn’t, or at least hoped, that he wouldn’t have made a joke like that. but oikawa had spent the years being around boys. she’d heard all the jokes, all the “locker room talk”. and it scared her to death. she couldn’t live with the idea of her favorite person thinking of her as a joke, or worse something bad or depraved, and not wanting to be friends anymore. so she kept it a secret, for him, for their team, for their families. 

what oikawa doesnt expect from hajime then, is to cry. at first she thinks he’s crying out of anger or disappointment, as she’d always feared. but then hajime pulls her into his chest and apologizes. “i’m so sorry you had to deal with this on your own for so long. i’m so sorry you thought i’d hate you.”

hajime then says he thought oikawa was just really really gay and was fine with that too, but admits that this does make more sense. he remembers all the times oikawa would scoff at hajime, or the other team members doing something Manly and Stupid like “ugh, Men.” 

after that it becomes easier. hajime and oikawa become roommates in a new city. over the first few months, oikawa begins using a new name, dressing as a girl more and more - starting with around the house, little trips to the store, and gradually more and more until she’s permanently comfortable being a girl in public for the world to see. her hair has grown long, and hajime absolutely eats his words when he stupidly said that she would make an ugly girl. oikawa smugly declares that no one can be as perfect as she - a gorgeous specimen in all genders.

oikawa doesn’t begin hormone therapy until after she comes out to her family. she doesn’t want to feel like she’s keeping secrets any longer. it’s hard for her family, at first, as expected. not exactly opposed or against, just shocked is all. her father says that he just began to accept her as an effiminate gay man, but her impressive sports career made up for it. He and oikawa’s mother are from a different generation and these things are still new and they don’t quite understand, but oikawa is still their child. 

shock is what oikawa expected. disownment is what he assumed - though his family says they could never. the fact of it is, oikawa still lives in a culture where being transgender is still a work in progress. but his family, parents, his sister, and nephew, all agree to try and get to know the new oikawa, and its the best she can hope for for now. 

at 25, it’s hard to know when oikawa and hajime begin dating, but it seems they always had been. not just recently, but since they were kids. they’ve always loved each other, only now it means something more. one thing oikawa was always afraid of, when even thinking about pursuing her feelings with hajime, was that hajime would still view her body as male. but they work at that too, trust, relearning, time, all of it. it all works out in the end. 

(also i was thinking high key abt oikawa becoming a model but wasn’t sure how to fit this in the au, alas

the end