suna-is-the-loml

[suna-is-the-loml]

afraid of love

pairing: akaashi x reader

wc: 1.1k

genre: angst with a twist :’(

you weren’t stupid but you were afraid, afraid that once its over you’ll never find love again, afraid that you’d never be happy again. 

you were disgusted at yourself seeing how much you clinged onto him, how much you were dependent on him, it just made you more afraid, afraid of what would happen if you let go

you had been watching, staring even at the man you deemed to be the love of your life, the man who can make you cry with just an eye-contact, the man who could assure you that he loves you with a simple glance.

sometimes you wonder, if it had been the man or his eyes you fell in love with, those blue eyes which resembled the ocean, which was endless and filled with unknown emotions, his sharp wit and beautiful mind, if you could describe it’d most resemble a diamond, a straight line of light emerging as different colours, a small trait and he could figure out your entire personality, as much as harmless he looked, his words were as sharp as a diamond, cutting through your tough self resolve, as though it never affected him

you were lonely before akaashi arrived, the world turned a blind eye towards you, yet he stopped, waited until you could see again, see that maybe not everyone is blind.

you were quite jealous of akaashi at times, seeing that he had so many friends he made over time while you were drowning in your tears. sometimes you wonder if they talk to you out of sympathy or talk to you as an intersting person.

it was just another night, the third time this week and the thirteenth time this month, it was another screaming match, words which were never meant to be spoken, spewed around carelessly, having your pride fill in and not apologizing, you had lost count of the reasons he gave for lashing out, you had lost the purpose of being in love.

soon the self-doubts you had buried within came gushing out, drowning you in your misery, do you even deserve love? do you have a reason to exist? do you even have a goal? 

but you were scared to give in to these temptations, knowing well that it would just land another screaming match. maybe akaashi keiji and you weren't just meant to be, maybe you were too scared to get back up after having fallen too deep in love with his ocean eyes

those eyes that held an endless pit, falling from such an altitude is bound to leave you with bruises, some too deep to be mended. but you knew there was no escape, so you felt it was the best to hold on to the best thing to you as you fell, the beautiful view, the beautiful face and his personality.

akaashi keiji- the man who had you hopelessly in love, the man who had you wrapped around his finger, the man who showed you affection just to make up for the fights, and the man you were afraid of

its funny how love is such a fickle thing, something that shouldn't be poked around carelessly, yet holds the greatest and the strongest bond

how it can push you away yet hold you close, how it can change your views easily, and how it sometimes is out of your control

akaashi keiji, his name brought a smile on your face, all the lovely things he had done, all the love he shared, all the smiles he brought you. the feelings of despair and fright were buried deep down, locked where you wouldn’t open it

2 weeks back

“y/n for fuck’s sake leave me alone, i don't want your fucking sympathies” akaashi growled at you in a low voice. it did send you shivers down your spine, but you held up your front, holding it delicately so that it wouldn't break down to reveal your frightened figure

you knew that if you poked around more, he would get more angry, so you muttered a small sorry and went back to the kitchen to cool yourself down.

akaashi took his coat and went outside your apartment. you sighed, it had been like this for a month and you were tired, you knew what would happen next, it was a cycle, and you despised every part of it

how is it that the man made you feel to be afraid of love yet crave it

those eyes which were coated with love, but you were scared to scrape it to find what was underneath. you felt yourself tearing up, excusing yourself in your empty apartment you went to your bathroom to try freshen up and hopefully stop the tears

6th time, it was the sixth time he made you cry last week. well you wouldn't blame him, you knew you were emotionally unstable, still wounded from your past, itching and wailing for you to reopen those wounds, you hated it

you wanted to escape, you wanted a safe place, but such things don't exist in real life, you need to suck it up and move on, but you couldn’t 

you tried and tried but you just failed, it was as if your life was laughing at you for holding out hope

 akaashi keiji, now his name just brought a bitter taste to your mouth

those ocean eyes you fell in love with, were the same eyes that made you question your love for him, that made you question yourself

1 week back

“y/n im so sorry for being so unresponsive and mean last week, you must know that all of those hostile words and behaviour weren't myself, i was filled with spite and hate from my work. its too overbearing but it was wrong of me to take my stress out on you” akaashi told as he ran his fingers trough your hair

“its okay babe i understand, take rest now you must be tired” you mumbled as you fell asleep

akaashi sighed, he knew you were fragile, that information just fuels his anger more, what was he doing with you

what was it you were afraid of? was it the underlying future, or the broken past? you wanted to cry, scream, yet you couldn’t

akaashi keiji had you wrapped around his finger, sometimes his name brings you a smile, sometimes a frown, sometimes you fall into the never-ending well of over-thinking

the man had you on his palm, you wanted to escape, but you didn't know where to, you were certain that your future without him would be twice as hard

fuck akaashi and his fake sympathy

fuck him and his presence to make you feel so small, like a pawn, merely alive for his entertainment, to make you so frightened about the future and the present, to make you feel safe

was it really him though? was it him that made you question?

again you were stuck in the cycle, afraid to go deeper so you keep running in circles. maybe you were afraid of love, or of the future

[suna-is-the-loml]

1. fall in love - miya atumu - angst

2. two days - tsukishima kei - fluff if u squint, angst

3. fall for you - semi eita - fluff

4.  afraid of love- akaashi keiji-angst

<3

[suna-is-the-loml]

fall for you

wc: 669 ;)

a/n: can i just say i love semi so much he is so f(pardon my language)ucking underrated!!! i love claudia by finneas so much and this fic is slightly based on that song :D 

pairings: semi x g/n reader

genre: fluff? idk

I think you're gonna change my plans With those emerald eyes

Semi could get lost in your eyes forever, the eyes which show him everyday that he is loved, the same eyes that he fell in love with, the same eyes that paved your way to his heart.

It sounds quite cliche but if the first thing that he fell in love of yours were your eyes, the same eyes that couldn’t keep his feelings for you hidden. Oh how you changed his plans, he smiles to himself, how you found out his guitar and forced him to play you a song.

He remembered your eyes were filled with adoration and pride, the fact that your boyfriend was so talented.

“You play the guitar, really well, and yet I DIDN'T KNOW?? When were you planning on telling me?? I’m hurt” petty dramatic you sighed

Semi was baffled, he didn’t know that you’d be hurt by his little secret. “Baby, i’m sorry please look at me”

But you were a petty queen and you didn't budge, although it wasn’t that big of a deal, a part of you was still quite broken.

Semi sighed, he knew you too well, he knew that he’d be forgiven but still he wanted to apologize, which resulted in an hour long cuddle session filled with apologies and love

But you don't even understand How much they're on my mind

It’d be a lie if he says you aren’t on his mind every single minute of the day, if all his songs weren’t about you, if he doesn’t see you in every single thing, if he doesn’t fall in love with you everyday again

He was like a puppy madly in love always on the lookout for your affection, headpats? gladly, forehead kisses? yes please, sidehugs? kisses? hugs? just holding hands? He needs them all and loves them all

Feels like I'm breathing in and out without permission

Waiting on your badges by the phone

He still gets mesmerized by your smile, how your eyes shine or how you play with your fingers, he adores you, no he feels that you bless him everyday with your gaze, he feels ecstatic whenever you acknowledge him, he feels his adrenaline pumping whenever you call him, he feels himself floating whenever you talk, it might seem like a harmless puppy crush but he is crushing hard. 

I might be headed in the opposite direction But I'd love to drive you home

He will drop anything anytime for you, no matter where he is or what he is doing, you need him? He is running to you, he sneaks into your dorm all the time, surprising you with hugs and kisses, you are always there for him. Endless cuddle session and those cute study dates where you both don’t study, supporting each other in all the ways.

Basically you both simp for each other openly, you both were lovestruck, you both gambled all your love to each other and you both won.

Oh, I'm in trouble now Come kiss me black and blue Might last another round But I'm bound to fall for you

The story of your first kiss seems super cliche, there was a sunset in the background, picnic basket in hand and flowers in other, but somehow semi hurt himself while setting the picnic up and you both had to run to the nurse in your school where you fell clumsily, cue to both of you stifling your laughter while en route to the infirmary, laughing your lungs out in the infirmary, you tried to get a hold of yourself, Semi thought to himself, ‘ god, i wanna marry them’ as he smiled, you stopped laughing when you saw semi smiling like an idiot, and then boom both of you leaned in and shared a peck before both of you became a blushing mess!! 

We're undercover now I don't know what you do Just know I love it now I'm bound to fall for you

<3

[suna-is-the-loml]

two days

pairing: tsukkishima x reader

genre: slight fluff then slight angsty???

word count: 1.3k LOL

a/n:  i am in love with salty frenchfry and this is cringe station so enjoy this really badly written fluff +angst or something bye <3

yes i love the number 3

3 years, 3 whole years kei spent loving you, yet his dumbass still hadnt confessed till today, today of all days,that is 3 days before you were leaving.

he was hurt, he wanted to tell you he loves you, he couldnt muster the courage to do so. quite ironic for someone who is salty asf LMAO, he always had a soft spot for you, he knew you were someone important to him, he just couldnt figure out how.

he thought he knew you so well, or so he thought.

he didnt know you were in too deep for him too, he didnt know youd take a bullet for him, he didnt know you got jealous everytime some other girl flirts with him, he didnt know how much you defended him, he didnt know you rejected the confessions for kei. (kei being the dumbass thought you rejected the confessions because you wanted to concentrate on your sport). 

he wonders how many minutes he spent adoring you, how many seconds he spent loving you because how much ever that was, he knew it wasnt enough. he loves you. a lot. and you deserve all the love

he wanted to tell you.

you are vvsmart but dumb enough to not realise your best friend was in love with you big time. you knew your goodbye party will involve alcohol sO you had it 3 days before you left because you hated hangovers.

you wanted to confess to kei. whats the probability that he would like you back?, the worse thing he could say was “i never want to see you again’’ which works because you were leaving japan anyway.

the day after the party- today seems good, its perfect actually, you message him

“hey, wanna come over? :D”

kei looks at his phone, as your name popped up in his notifications he felt himself smile.

sure :)

kei knew he had to say it today, its either today or never

you took a deep breath. ‘tell him today’ you told yourself.

it was around 7pm when he finNALLY came over. kei had your favourite chips packet with him. smiling at him fondly you invited him to your room. it was natural. everything felt home with kei.

you wanted to confess but you wanted to see how he feels about you first- atleast maybe an idea.

“hey kei, guess what?”

he looked at you with a twinkle, he smirked as he looked into your eyes.

“i am in love with someone”

‘huh? what? love? does she like no ‘love’ someone ? oh, not me thats for sure’ kei’s mind ran spewing thoughts. he was not able to say anything. he was surprised. no surprised was an understatemeant. he was seething with jealousy, pity, sadness, betrayal, he could feel his heart break into two. he kept a stoic face and whispered ‘‘oh?’’ with his eyes no longer being in contact with yours.

you smiled, you knew, you knew what he was feeling, afterall you have felt the same so many times whenever someone flirts with him. you knew he liked you but you wanted him to confirm it. you whispered “kei? is everything okay?”

kei finally looked at you again, “y/n”

“i love you” kei finally said. he closed his eyes and turned away from you, he was scared to see our expression.

“aww kei, i love you too” you said as you reached out to hold his hand. he immediately took it and squeezed it. 

he looked at you again with the same fond expression “ no dummy i love you in a romantic way, i am in love with you”

you looked at him with a dumbfounded expression “ kei i am in love with you too, in a romantic way”

he felt his adrenaline pushing himself towards you, as if on instinct he cupped your cheeks and kissed you. he kissed you softly hoping the kiss would convey how much he loves you.

he whispers against your lips “you have no idea how much ive wanted to do this dummy”

“kei, i’m gonna leave in 2 days” you remind him after a steamy makeout session

his face immediately falls

“what are we kei”

“i dont know best friends to lovers trope?” he said hoping to avoid that topic. the fact that you, his love is finally with him and that you will be leaving you in two days.

you laughed and then pulled a serious expression “ kei tsukishima, what are we” you asked squeezing his hand.

“hmm, lemme think about it” kei taunts you, you pulled out your best puppy dog eyes and pouted at him and he had the audacity to smirk at you. you turned away from him and stared at the corner because suddenly?? it?? seemed?? interesting??

you felt yourself pulled to his lap. he looked at you, his eyes filled with love he whispered “ y/n i love you a lot but i-” you interrupted him with a kiss, “i know kei, its gonna be hard but can we fall in love for the night atleast?’’

“yes y/n we can” he said lovingly.

its been exactly 16 months since you’ve left. 16 months since the magical day- the day he kissed you for the first time,the day he confessed to you, he remembers every minute of those two days.

he sighed and plopped on his headphones.

now playing- lets fall in love for the night by finneas

Let's fall in love for the night And forget in the morning Play me a song that you like You can bet I'll know every line

he remembers how you both fell more in love the last two days. he remembers the day you shared the playlist you made, mainly consisting of finneas’s songs. he saw how happy you were when you listened to your playlist commenting on how its a masterpiece. he remembers the day he realised he was in love with you. he remembers your ‘jamming’ sessions as you both sang your hearts out.

he closed his eyes as he remembered the day your first boyfriend kissed you, how he was seeping with jealousy, how he badly wanted to be your first kiss. it was then he realised he loved you. revisiting his memories with you always calmed him down, you stole his heart afterall.

keeping in touch with you has been a little difficult considering college and the different time zones, yet you both tried to keep in contact with each other

I'm the boy that your boy hoped that you would avoid Don't waste your eyes on jealous guys, fuck that noise I know better than to call you mine

he remembered how your first boyfriend tried to stop meeting him and how your ex sometimes crashed you both hanging out together at your place. kei knew that your ex was jealous, yet you stuck by him considering that was your first relationship. after you broke up, you were sad and he was there to comfort you. he was always there for you.

he knew what was the best for you, but he also knew that you werent his. he couldnt stop you from dating who you want.

You need a pick me up I'll be there in twenty five I like to push my luck So take my hand, let's take a drive

he remembers the late night calls and how he would show up at your door exactly in 27 minutes when you call him over. he remembers how you used to persuade your parents so he can stay over for the night, he remembers how you used to cringe at the cheesy romcom scenes, he remembers how you fell asleep on him,he remembers how happy you were when you finally got your favourite college acception letter. he remembers how happy you were when karasuno reached nationals. he misses you a lot.

I've been living in the future Hoping I might see you sooner I want you riding shotgun I knew When I got one right

he was so happy found out he was significant in your life. he imagines a life with you by his side, he imagines smaller versions of you both running in the house. he knew it was going to be tough, so after around 7 months, he ghosted you for a whole month. you were hEARTBROKEN. did you go wrong somewhere? does he not love you anymore? overwhelmed with anger and heartbreak you ghosted him back. but he didnt even try to hold a conversation with you, he didnt ask any questions, he didnt call you too. was he done with you? was this it? you were done, done being heartbroken and done waiting.

but ghosting you just made him miss you more. was it a bad idea? he wanted to hear your voice so bad but he knew it will just make him miss you more, instead he started to concentrate completely on college and tried to remove you from his mind, he tried removing you from his life, but he couldnt, not a single minute goes by without him remembering the little things about you. he knew he was gone from your life when you ghosted him back. 

 he wants you, he wonders if you feel the same way he does. have you moved on?have you found someone else? did you fall out of love with him? 

he wanted to move on but he was hopeless, hopelessly in love with you,

how he wished he could relive those two days forever

a/n again?: JSJSJSJSJS THIS became longer than i expected?? the second slight angsty part was heavily inspired by let's fall in love for the night by FINNEAS ahh i love his songs sm  

[suna-is-the-loml]

fall in love

pairing: atsumu x reader

genre: angst angst angst lmao

character count: 2.7k

a/n: my first workk?? idk how tumblr works tbh anyway i’m a sucker for angst and i am a bad writer but i am hopefully looking to improve :D

p.s this is slightly inspire by fear of the water by syml (song)

atsumu stared at the wall in front of him, the same wall you and him decided it would be fun to paint. oh how he missed you dearly, he missed your scent, your smile, the way your hands roamed in his hair to untangle it. god he would do anything just for you to come back.

but atsumu waited, he felt you would come back to him right? he knew he hurt you yet he thought maybe if you come back, he would never let you go, if you would return, he would never want for more.

your eyes were red and puffy from crying but hidden underneath your makeup, smile looking so geuine yet so fake. he didnt know how much he had hurt you. how much you cried everyday missing him, and blamed yourself. you blamed yourself because you should’ve known. you knew that he wasn’t for you. he wasn’t the one.yet you fell in love with him knowing that he is going to be your first heartbreak. you wanted to cry everytime you heard his name but you kept a straight facade because you hear his name almost every 5 minutes, must suck that your first heartbreak was someone famous.

you tried everything to get over him, you moved away, changed schools, blocked him on all social media, blocked his number and basically ghosted him. yet there was a tinge in your heart, what if- he was the one? what if you made a mistake? what if you never find someone better than him?what if you could never fall in love again? what if you never move on?

but he hurt you constantly, when he thought the relationship was happy, when he apologized for missing dates, when he rejected all walks to home from practice, when he couldnt come to the competition you worked so hard for, when you couldnt reach out to him because he was ‘busy’, when he ignored you to seem ‘cool’.

you were tired, you were tired of being the only one making it work. no you were EXHAUSTED.when he asked you if you could give him some ‘space’ because you were being too clingy, that was your last straw.

‘tsumu, i dont think this is working, i’m breaking up with you’. atsumu’s eyes widened and before he could process what had just happened, you had turned your back to him, he wanted to speak yet all he could do was make weird shapes with his mouth.

he knew you werent gonna turn back. you made your choice, your decision. he knew you werent gonna come back to him, yet he waited, he wanted you back so bad.

‘i’m sorry’ he managed to say in a whisper, you looked at him with a tired smile, ‘ i know’ you said to yourself. 

but you knew deep down, no, you cant go back to him,

sorry tsumu but goodbye forever