#its not even four oclock yet
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attroxx · 5 months ago
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between the coolers / freezers at my job going out & my tire going flat for a 3rd ( or maybe 4th time i cannot remember ) today has been a day.
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quirkycritters · 1 month ago
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Game Night: CHAIN ATTACK!!!
i am,,, withering away but ITS DONE ITS DONE IM FREE FROM THE CURSE (<<< still haunted by wips) clocking in at 32+ hours, this sucker has been getting pushed around for 10 months-
while theres some things i would have done differently if i could redo this from scratch, i still had a BLAST cramming in as much detail as i could tolerate >:) some highlights / cut ideas / ramblings are below the cut, but please zoom for details! (if tumblr doesnt shred it to bits)
gonna be real i locked so hard onto drawing ripped jeans that i forgot i could have just shoved legend into a skirt and called it a day
SOCKS. SOCKS. the amount of Joy anytime i figured out how to personalize them with game references: legend (hibiscus), twilight (ordon goats), and four (force gems)
i WAS going to put time in a turtleneck, but had an epiphany and started digging for the most obnoxious hawaiian shirts i could find,,, ft. a sea flower (wind waker) and a saturation boosted plumm (twilight princess)!
yeah so warriors got the sweater instead of the skintight shirt, sorry gang
speaking of if i ever say im going to draw a cableknit sweater again, somebody PLEASE shake some sense into me- warriors sweater was a NIGHTMARE since my art program has an astonishing lack of good brushes (and yet here i am still using it)
MOST of the text has been modified using the twilight princess cipher because yeah. i was procrastinating shading. also the other ciphers were in japanese- times shirt is cropped, but reads "its 5 oclock somewhere"
winds lobster shirt :) that is all i just think its neat
wilds jacket :) link w(ild) 2017, aka the release year of botw
jewelry! sky has the fireshield earrings, and wild has the amber earrings~ could barely squeeze the bombos and quake medallions onto legend, and wind got the joy pendant
hyrule :D embroidery on his sweatpants because i was struck by whimsy- also i 100% thought his shield was purple tinted for weeks while drawing this because the page i used as reference was set at night, and i was originally basing his sweater on his shield- scrapped the cross pattern after several failed attempts but kept the color ^^
the chips are bbq because im biased (reads "crisps" in twilight princess cipher for no real reason except whimsy)
bless my dearest homie for game reccs because the og plan was to have them all be loz games! titles include wii sports resort, elebits, super mario party, smash bros ultimate, just dance 2016 (its box art is colorful ok), and myth makers orbs of doom (I HATE THIS GAME WITH EVERY FIBER OF MY BEING, as i should, anyways i should play it again). four is suggesting orbs of doom, buddy aint even playing,,,
kinda was hoping to play around with hair colors and skin tones a bit more, but again, see the hour count- ill get em next time surely,,, also blue vs violet eyes for legend already had me in decision paralysis
the whole gang was gonna have friendship bracelets with color combos based on dynamics i found neat but oops! didnt finish the layer :')
thats a wrap! didnt yap about everything but im curious what yall catch onto- anyways surely ive learned something about biting off more than i can chew (<<< lying liar who lies)
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hello-yue-here · 3 years ago
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im in a loving mood rn send me asks so i can compliment you i wanna spread the love
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kodzukuroken · 4 years ago
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Seasons change, but people... Do too I guess.| Chapter 1, Watercolour Cats
Genre: Angst, Slow Burn, Friends to Lovers
Summary: You and Tsukishima had been friends for years but upon the arrival of a very special invitation, your relationship takes a sudden change. Will your long-harbored crush for your best friend finally come into the light? Or will your relationship be altered for good?
Aka, Reader is an artist who is in love with Tsukki, there's angst, there are laughs, there are three established captain relationships! What could a person want?
Pairings: Tsukishima Kei x Reader (Kuroo Tetsuro x Kenma Kozume, Bokuto Koutarou x Akaashi Keiji, Daichi Sawamura x Sugawara Koshi)
Warnings: Drinking, Swearing, Eventual Smut
Read on Ao3 | This will update before Tumblr
This is the second chapter! I really love writing this story, there are currently 5 chapters out on AO3, so if you’d like to read past this chapter that’s where you can do it! Enjoy!
You screeched, audibly screeched when you’d first opened the beautiful pearl coloured envelope with gold embossed letters on the front. It was exactly what you thought it might be, but that didn’t mean that you could contain your excitement any easier. Inside the envelope was a card littered with small watercolor paintings of cats (your handy work, by the way) with beautiful gold lettering that read:
“Dear (Y/L/N Y/N) you are cordially invited to the wedding of your friends,
Kuroo Tetsurõ and Kenma Kozume.
Saturday 18th at 3’oclock.”
Below was the information about RSVP and plus-ones, but you knew all the information already; you were just excited that the invite had finally arrived. You’d known that Kuroo was going to propose for months but just hadn’t had the right opportunity yet. You also knew that the only way he could agree to Kenma going ahead with a real wedding was if he planned everything in advance so that he didn’t have to worry about meetings with florists or bakers. So that's what he’d done, with the help of you and a few others Kuroo had planned his and Kenma’s entire wedding before he even popped the question. Of course, there was no doubt in anyone’s head that Kenma would say no. He and Kuroo had begun dating right after high school and it was about time that they made some kind of commitment. But once every detail was planned and every deposit had been paid, the only thing left for Kuroo to do was to ask. You’d begged him to call you when he eventually popped the question, but he’d just laughed and said
“I love you (y/n) but I think it would kind of ruin the moment if I suddenly celebrated my engagement by calling you. I’ll send out the invites the next morning, you’ll know by the end of the week”. And that you had, the invite had arrived in the mail the very next day after Kuroo had said he would propose, and you could not be giddier.
You took out your phone and called the most recent contact in your phone, the phone trilled for a second and then a very bored voice picked up.
“I told you not to call me at work, I don’t have time to chat with you during the day,” Kei said, but made no attempt to hang up the phone so you proceeded.
“Kei! Did you get it? Did you get yours?” you squealed. You could hear him tensing up at the tone on the other end.
“And what exactly is that I’m supposed to have got?” He asked as if this wasn’t something you’d both been waiting for for weeks. Well, more so you than Kei, but he’d had to listen to you talk about it constantly.
“Your invite Kei. Did you get your invite?” you heard him click his tongue and the shuffle around his desk a little. He read the same words that were on your invite out loud.
“You are cordially invited to the wedding of your friends, Kuroo Tetsurõ and Kenma Kozume.”
“Yes!”
“I’m not going,” he replied completely uninterested in your excitement. You scoffed,
“You abso-fucking-lutely are Tsukishima Kei” you knew he would be difficult about this, even though he helped plan the fucking thing.
“It's all unnecessary. They’ve been together for years, why have a party now?”
“It’s not a party, Kei. It’s a wedding ” you clarified.
“Same difference, besides who puts cats on a wedding invite. Their heads are weirdly shaped too.”
“I drew those cats you asshole!”
“I know,” you could hear the smirk in his voice.
“Keeeei” you begged.
“No”
“Pleeeeeaaase,” you begged again. He was silent this time and let you continue “We haven’t done anything fun in months. Besides, you’re Kuroo’s friend too and I know for a fact that he wants you there, plus-” you paused.
“Go on,” he pressed as if he already knew what was coming.
“I think this will really help me get over Ren,” you say. You can feel him rolling his eyes, Ren was your boyfriend of the past three years and you’d broken up just over a month ago. You were devastated when it happened but never really got an explanation as to why it did. Kei had found you after a couple of days of no replies sitting on the floor of your apartment weeping. He’d sat with you all night, letting you vent, before sending you to shower and buying you dinner. You hadn’t talked about it since then.
“Oh my god”
“It's true!”
“What does that have to do with me?” he asked, you could hear him typing on his computer now. He’d obviously realized that you weren’t going to let him get back to work.
“Because Kei! It's a wedding, I can’t go alone, that would be pathetic!”
“So you’re asking me to be your date now?” there was a small amount of evil delight in his voice, but you didn’t waver.
“Yes, I suppose I am.” He paused and you waited in the silence.
“Fine, but you’re paying for gas and buying dinner when the food is crappy” you squealed again and he huffed.
“Thank you Kei! You’re the best!” He didn’t reply, just hung up. You stood in your quiet apartment beaming to yourself, you had to call Kuroo.
You spent what felt like weeks planning for the wedding. Finding the perfect gift, making sure that Kei actually had something nice to wear, you even made him come along to help you pick out a dress which he was the opposite of thrilled about. You were about four dresses deep when you finally came out in a small dark green number, it hugged your waist well and the skirt was plenty full for a wedding.
“What about this one?” you turned to Kei who was sitting in a chair just outside the dressing room tapping through his phone boredly. He took one fairly indifferent glance at you and said
“It’s good.” You sighed and smoothed the fabric against your palms, in his defense this was the best answer you’d gotten all day.
“Really?” you asked, “you don't think its too-”
“Slutty?” he interrupted an evil grin on his lips. You hit him across the back of the head.
“I was going to say revealing” you turned to look at the back of the dress, it did cut a little shorter than you’d usually like. You sighed and waited for him to reply. He looked you up and down again and rolled his eyes.
“It’s shorter than the rest, yes but not by much. Plus it's a summer wedding” a rather pleased smile grew across your face. He saw how delighted you were with his genuine reasoning behind the choice.
“I’ve been around you long enough to know what kinds of things you like to hear,” he said plainly “Don’t start thinking that I actually care about what you wear.” But you just kept your bright smile and bounced back into the dressing room to change. You had your dress, now all you had to do was actually get him to go.
When you got to the wedding that day, you weren’t exactly shocked at how beautiful it looked. Rather, you were just reminded of the incredible taste that Kuroo had hiding somewhere in the back of his dumb jock brain. The wedding was simple, minimal flowers with lots of white and small red accents everywhere. Both Kuroo and Kenma wore black with small red hibiscus in their lapels. The ceremony was short, intentionally you figured so that Kenma didn’t have to stand in front of so many people for too long. But he looked probably the most relaxed you had ever seen him while not sitting in front of his computer, it was pretty amazing really. You and Kei sat near Bokuto and Akaashi, one of whom cried the entire way through the ceremony. You’d laughed quietly when Kei turned to Bokuto next to him and whispered
“I never pegged you as the romantic type Bo” Bokuto looked at him through teary eyes and nodded his head in response. Akaashi laughed and placed his hand on Bokuto’s to calm him a little.
Before you knew it the ceremony was ending, and just as the priest was finishing up his last words you turned to Kei and asked him something softly.
“You don’t actually believe that do you?” you asked, just loud enough for him to hear.
“Believe what?” he asked in a low voice.
“What you said on the phone before, do you really think that weddings are unnecessary?” He thought for a moment, and then shrugged just enough for you to see.
With that, Kuroo and Kenma were kissing lightly and a small blush was rising in Kenma's cheeks, the whole room erupted in applause and the two began to walk down the aisle. As you rose to leave, Kei’s lips found their way to your ear again
“I suppose it works for some people, you know if you find the right person.” The words sent electricity down your spine, what was he insinuating?
The reception was a little more Kuroo and Kema than the wedding had been. There was apple pie instead of cake and a small row of arcade games in the corner of the room, something that Kuroo had been insistent on in order to do something for Kenma. After everyone gave their speeches and the “surprisingly not the crappy” food was served ( Kei’s words not yours). Everyone began to make their way to the dancefloor besides the two of you and a few others. You watched as Bokuto swung Akaashi around wildly while Akaashi merely complied with whatever his boyfriend was doing with a small smile on his face. There were a few of the guys from Kei’s old volleyball team here, but he made no attempt to talk to any of them. It wasn’t until a tall boy with dark hair and freckles made his way over to the table that the two of you even noticed he was there.
“Yamaguchi!” you cried, completely delighted. He smiled kindly and wrapped you in a hug.
“It’s so good to see you!”
“You too (y/n)! It’s good to see you too Tsukki!” Yamaguchi paused for a response.
“Hey” Kei offered and you rolled your eyes. Yamaguchi just chuckled.
“You haven’t changed Tsukki I can tell you that” you laughed along with Yamaguchi before it was Kei’s turn to roll his eyes at you.
“I’m getting a drink, do you guys want anything?” Yamaguchi shook his head, but you offered to go with him. The two of you headed to the bar, pushing through the large crowds to a man in a vest and tie who was serving the drinks. Kei ordered for the both of you and you stood close to him you both watched the bartender make your drinks.
“You could be a little nicer to Yamaguchi you know,” you said it lightly but he knew you were serious.
“I was plenty nice,” he replied, his eyes on anything but you.
“Kei, he was your best friend i-”
“Yeah, in high school, but we’re not in high school anymore are we?” he was a little more pointed this time, and you felt it in your chest.
“So what? We were friends in high school and we still are now, or is that not what we are?” Kei was silent for a minute and met your eyes with his golden ones, you could see that he was thinking but you weren’t exactly sure about what.
“No,” he replied.
“No?”
“No, that's not what we are. You’re just the crazy girl who seems to have never left me alone since first year” he smiled into his newly freshened drink and you scoffed.
“Well that's just rude,” you whipped your head around dramatically, trying to act outraged. You heard him chuckle and it made your cheeks warm.
Then you felt his finger tapping your elbow, you sighed and tried to look distant and dramatic.
“I’m not talking to you until you apologize Kei,” you said and suddenly felt him pressed close to your back. Your heart raced and blush rose up your neck as you felt every inch of him pressed against you, if you didn’t know him any better you would have thought he might be enjoying it as much as you did. With that, he leaned down to your height and brought his mouth to your ear for the third time today.
“Let’s dance.” Your eyes widened as you twisted around, you looked at his face that had returned to it’s normal height.
“You don’t dance,” you said, eyes narrowed. He sipped his drink again.
“No, but you do and it’s a wedding.” You still looked unsure so he rolled his eyes “Plus it’s a slow song which is safe and it will get you to stop sulking” you couldn't argue with that.
You let him guide you over to the dance floor where everybody else was swaying in each other's arms. You smiled, a little nervous, you always liked to dance at parties but you were never much of a slow dancer. But you let Kei pull you in effortlessly and place his hand on your hip and hold your other hand in his. You brought your spare hand to his shoulder and let him guide you around the dancefloor slowly. For someone who didn’t ever dance, Kei was surprisingly good at it, it had even left you a little flustered when he managed to spin you around flawlessly in time with the music. You smiled up at him, and figured your look must have been an intrigued one because he asked,
“What?” you held your tongue for a minute but figured it was safe to address it.
“You can dance” your voice had more disbelief in it than you intended and Kei rolled his eyes.
“It would seem so, yes”
“I didn’t know you could dance” he spun you around again before you could say anything else and then came close to your ear again.
“There’s a lot you don’t know about me (y/n)” your breath hitched in your throat before you brought your head to rest on his shoulder, deciding it was too dangerous to antagonize him when he had you in such a state.
When the song ended, Kei stopped and you looked up at him. His golden eyes looked softer than you had ever seen them, the light of the hotel ballroom bouncing off his glasses just enough to make them twinkle. Your heart swelled as you thought about the last seven years of your friendship together and finally, the words he’d said to you at the wedding earlier that day returned to your head.
“I suppose it works for some people, you know if you find the right person”.
Your heart stopped, how could you have been so stupid.
He was just about to ask if you were okay when you grabbed his hand and mumbled something that sounded like “Come with me”. Before you knew it you were out in the quiet hallway, the music from inside muffled by the large doors, it was cool out here and you shivered a little from the sudden change.
“(y/n)?” Kei asked, he sounded a little annoyed but confused more than anything.
“Just, give me a second Kei,” your own voice was muffled in your ears. Everything suddenly felt completely hazy but also clear as day. God, how could you be so stupid? All these years you’d been trying to preserve your friendship, thinking that Kei had no interest in you whatsoever but you knew now that wasn’t true. He’d come with you tonight, he’d laughed with you and held you while you danced together. He liked you.
~
“(y/n)? We can go, leave, if you’re not having a good time” he began “seriously if you’re going to be we-”. He was cut off by your lips crashing into his. He was tense for a moment, completely confused as to what the fuck was happening. But when he felt your hand lace into his hair, he relaxed a little. You stood there holding each other in a kiss for what felt like an eternity before breaking away to breathe. You looked deep into his eyes and smiled, your eyes were filled with tears. But Kei was too dumbfounded by what had just happened to even notice, he looked on at you blankly trying to process what had just happened.
“Kei?” he looked at you for real this time, fully coming to terms with what had just happened. You’d kissed him.
“I can't do this” he heard himself saying before he could even think about it.
“What?” he knew you’d heard him. “Kei what are you talking about, isn’t this what you wanted?”
“Yes,” he replied without hesitation. Fuck, what was he doing?
“Then what’s wro-”
“We can’t. Not now, I can’t” before he knew it he was backing away from you. He cursed himself as his arms disconnected from your waist.
“I’m sorry,” you said, you were crying fully and his heart tore in two, “I thought this was what you wanted”. You were looking down at your shoes now, just like he used to watch you do when you were younger. God, he was an idiot.
“I’m sorry (y/n), I just ca-”
“ Can’t. I fucking get it Kei” you spat at him eyes averted. He’d never seen you look this broken in his life and he’d caused it. You turned away from him and began to shake, all he wanted to do right now was hold you. Hold you, and apologize and kiss you again, but he couldn’t. After another beat of silence, you sniffled and turned your head just enough so he could hear your broken words.
“Just go Kei. Leave, please”. His heart shattered at the finality of your words, but he did as you said and left without another word.
~
After you heard the large door to the wedding swing shut behind you, you began to sob. You tried to stop yourself, you told yourself to breathe, but any air that came out of you was broken and hitched. At some point, you had managed to walk yourself over to the large spiral staircase nearby and perch yourself on the steps, before crumbling into tears again. How could you have been so stupid? Of course, Kei didn’t want you, you’d been friends for years if he was in any way interested in you by now he would have done something. God you were an idiot. In one night you had managed to lose your best friend just by giving into a feeling that you’ve been harbouring for years.  You thought about how sad he looked, how confused and shocked his face was as you pulled away. You thought about how your heart shattered when he pulled his hands from your hips. What the fuck had you done? You’d ruined everything.
You sat for what felt like forever, weeping silently to yourself when eventually you heard the doors to the wedding swing open again. There was a small part of you that had prayed he’d come back. That he’d just been scared and that he really did want to be with you, but you weren’t so lucky. You looked up from where you sat and there in the doorway was Bokuto, the smile fading from his face as he saw the tears coating your own. He rushed over to you.
“Hey, hey, hey, what happened are you okay?” he sat next to you and put a hand on your knee, but the sudden comfort just made you cry even more.
“I-it’s K-Kei” you managed to get out after a few minutes.
“What happened? Was he an asshole to you? God that fucking guy” Bokuto put his arm around you and began to curse Kei out, but you shook your head.
“N-no, it was me. I r-ruined it Bo” you sniffled your head resting on his chest now.
“Ruined what (y/n)?” he asked innocently as if your whole world hadn’t crumbled around you not ten minutes ago.
“Us. Me and h-him, everything we had. It’s gone.” Bokuto sighed and pulled you in closer.
“Don’t be crazy, you guys have been friends since high school. I’m sure it wasn’t that bad” you shook your head again.
“I ruined it, Bo. I ruined it”. Those were the only words you managed to get out for the rest of the night. At some point, Bokuto had carried you up the spiral staircase of the hotel to a room. He placed you on the bed lightly and then sat down on the one next to you.
“Stay here with me and Kaashi tonight, we’ll keep an eye on you”. You nodded, too weak to protest. He sat on the bed next to you for a while, just watching. Eventually, your eyes grew too heavy for even tears to fight off and you fell into an unrestful sleep.
The next morning, you awoke to dappled sunlight dancing across your face. For a moment, you had completely forgotten what had happened between you and Kei last night, it wasn’t until you heard a familiar voice whispering somewhere nearby that it all came flooding back.
“I don’t know Kaashi, she wouldn’t say. She just kept saying she’d ruined things” it was Bokuto. You cringed and tried to squeeze your eyes closed even tighter to make it go away.
“Do you think he tried something?” it was a different voice now, one a little softer than Bokuto’s, you heard Akaashi sit down on the bed next to you.
“No, I doubt it, Tsukki’s an asshole but not that type” there was a silence, you figured that they were looking at you. This was as good a time as any to make your presence known. You sat up slowly and groaned a little. You were met by Akaashi’s soft eyes, and Bokuto’s expecting ones.
“Hey,” you said, voice a little hoarse from all the crying last night. Akaashi handed you a warm mug.
“Here, tea will help” and smiled up at him softly.
“Thanks, I’m sorry if I intruded on you guys last night” you took a sip of the tea and tried to focus on how warm it made you feel.
“Oh don’t worry about that” Bokuto said, a little too loudly for your sensitive head, “we’re just worried about you that's all”.
“Bo” Akaashi snapped trying to be quiet about it.
“It’s ok, I appreciate your guys’ concern,” you said, setting you tea on the side and getting up to stretch. Akaashi nodded and sipped from his own mug.
“Are you okay then?” he asked, you hadn’t expected the question to hit you so hard. You plopped back down on the back.
“No,” you could only be honest here, they’d already seen the kind of state you were in last night. Bokuto sighed and came to sit next to you,
“You have to tell us what happened (y/n), did he do something?” you shook your head hard, you didn’t want there to be any confusion as to who was at fault here.
“He didn’t do anything, it was me” Bokuto looked confused because he knew Kei, and he knew the kind of asshole he could be and he never expected that you could have been the one to cause this damage.
“I kissed him” you peeked over to look at both Bokuto and Akaashi, but they were both staring at each other silently.
“And that's bad because?”
“You don’t understand Bo, I kissed him and I didn’t say anything at first I thought he liked me, between the wedding and the dress and the dancing” you were on your feet pacing around the room now “and then what he said, a-at the reception I thought it meant something”.
You looked to Bokuto and Akaashi for some kind of understanding but you were left with two vacant looks. You sighed and leaned back against the wall.
“I led him out into the hall after we danced, and I kissed him” you closed your eyes, replaying everything in your head “and he… he rejected me. He pushed me away and said he couldn’t. I tried to push him for a reason but he just kept saying he couldn’t. And then he left”.
You looked at Bokuto and Akaashi again and now their faces looked solemn. You laughed bitterly
“I never should have assumed he liked me”.
“(y/n) no!” Bokuto said Akaashi put his hand on his boyfriend’s knee attempting to calm him, but it was to no avail.
“It’s Tsukki, he’s always had feelings for you! The two of you belong together!”
You were completely taken aback by Bokuto’s words, you’d know you’d always thought these things secretly but you had no idea that anybody else could see it. But then you remembered Kei’s face after you asked him why, he looked so confused and betrayed he couldn’t possibly have thought the same things that you and Bokuto had, you were wrong.
“He doesn’t want me, Bo, I ruined it” tears began to sting your eyes again, luckily Akaashi interrupted just in time.
“Why don’t we take you home yeah?” you nodded and the two guys pulled you into a smothering hug.
“It'll be ok, (y/n). You guys will figure it out” you couldn’t make out which one of the guys this had come from, but dear god you hoped they were right.
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captain-kingliamsqueen · 5 years ago
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Morning Workout! - Liam x Mc
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Pairing: Liam x MC
Word Count: 2804
Masterlist
Warning: Curse words 😂
 ASK IF YOU WANT TAGGED! SORRY IF I MISSED ANYONE!
I always notice every single spelling mistake or issue after I’ve posted…so apologies in advance! 
Tags aren’t working so I will be tagging in the comments.
It was early in the morning when Riley woke to an empty bed. Nearly every morning Liam would wake early to go for his morning workout. Riley climbed from the bed and made her way over to the window as she looked out at the palace gardens, she watched him doing push ups. Riley made her way to the kitchen where she began preparing breakfast for the two of them, by the time she was finished, Liam was just getting back to the apartment. He made his way over to the breakfast island where Riley stood pouring them two cups of tea, he wrapped his arms around her waist from behind as he nuzzled his head into her shoulder. “good morning beautiful” he whispered as he placed a gentle kiss against her cheek.
“you’re all sweaty” she smirked
“mmm you love it” he chuckled causing her to giggle
“how was your workout?”
“it was great! nothing like some fresh air first thing in the morning”
“I missed you this morning” she whispered
“mm I missed you too, now…I can’t help but feel hungry when I smell whatever it is that’s cooking” Liam smirked
“you have a herb and tomato omelette”
“it smells amazing” he whispered
Once Riley had put out the food onto plates and Liam placed the cups of tea at their seats, they both sat down to eat.
“how are you feeling this morning? did you sleep well?”
“I couldn’t get comfortable all night; my legs were and still are killing me”
“you didn’t say anything last night, what happened?”
“okay don’t laugh…but it’s my palates and yoga…I’ve never felt so much pain in my life” she giggled
“from palates and yoga?” he smirked
“I knew you would laugh; I’m being serious, I think I over done it, I must have pulled a muscle or something”
“okay, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t laugh…I just didn’t think you could pull a muscle doing something like that”
“you are so lucky I love you” she laughed to herself “have you ever done yoga or palates?”
“no, I haven’t” he replied as he took a sip of his tea
“then you wouldn’t understand how much muscle and strength actually goes into it.”
“it can’t be that bad surely”
“oh…you don’t think it’s that bad? I bet you couldn’t last a full week doing my fitness routine”
“a bet huh?” Liam smirk “I think if I have to do your routine you should do mine, and what happens if I successfully complete the challenge?”
“I will do whatever you want in the bedroom” as soon as she said it, he placed his fork down on the plate and looked at her with a smirk.
“anything?”
“Anything” she smirked “but…what if I succeed?”
“if you successfully complete the challenge, I will relieve you of your duties as queen for a whole week”
“a whole week? No meetings…no obligations?”
“nothing but free time”
“deal” they both reached out and shook hands.
“starting tomorrow” Riley smirked
“why tomorrow?”
“my legs hurt too much today” she laughed causing him to chuckle.
The next morning Riley awoke to Liam nudging her. “stopppp…what is it?” she groaned refusing to open her eyes.
“you need to get up” he mumbled
“no, leave me alone…crazy person” she mumbled as she pulled the duvet around her a little tighter
“it’s time for your morning workout”
“five more minutes…I need to sleep…if I get up, I’ll be cold”
“nu-uhh come on, time to get up”
“eugh fine” she groaned, half asleep, as she climbed out of bed, then headed for the bathroom.
Liam frowned as fifteen minutes passed and Riley didn’t return from the bathroom. He couldn’t hear water running so she wasn’t showering or using the tap…he couldn’t hear her moving around. He sighed as he pulled the duvet back and climbed out of bed
“fuck its cold” he groaned. He gently knocked on the bathroom door then awaited a reply…nothing.
“Riley?” he called…again…nothing he pulled the handle down and opened the door, calling her name as he did.
“rile-” he chuckled at the scene in front of him…Riley sitting on the toilet, with her elbow leaning on her leg, and her head cradled in her hand, hunched over, sleeping.
“Riley!” he called with a laugh as she jumped awake.
“Liam!!! Why are you so mean to meeee” she moaned as he walked away shutting the door behind him, then he headed back to bed.
Just a few minutes late Riley emerged from the bathroom with a deathly glare for Liam as she went to the closet to dress in her fitness wear.
“Liam?” she called
“shhh I’m sleeping” he grinned with his eyes tight shut.
“what time is it?” she asked
“six am” he smirked
“SIX OCLOCK ARE YOU CRAZY!! THAT’S CRAZY PEOPLE TIME!!! THE SUN ISNT EVEN UP YET!”
“we made a deal, you do my routine, I do yours”
“fuck you” she smirked as she walked towards the bed.
“you know you want to” he grinned “you could easily just give up now and we can stay in bed for a little bit…maybe do a little of the activity afore mentioned”
“as tempting as that is…I will not forfeit this bet…nope” she smirked as she leaned down and placed a kiss on his lips. “I Love you”
“I Love you too…now go…you’re already behind schedule” Liam smirked as he watched her walk out the room.
“enjoy” He chuckled as he drifted back to sleep. It was about forty five minutes after Riley had gone that Liam awoke again. He climbed from the bed and stretched then made his way to the window, it was just a few seconds later that he spotted his wife running through the garden. Liam made his way to the bathroom then back to the bedroom where he changed into his fitness wear. he eyed Riley's yoga mat in the corner of the wardrobe then shook his head. I don’t need a mat.
He moved the living room table back to give him some room, then he picked the television control up from the sofa. as soon as he pressed the tv to come on, Riley's newest yoga DVD came on the screen. As the DVD began, he stood himself in the middle of the space he had made.
“alright everyone today we’re going to start at the back of our mat, in our child’s pose.”
Liam watched as the woman on the screen kneeled onto her mat, so he copied her, kneeling on the floor.
“feet and knees together, interlace your fingers behind your back, then open up as you look up towards the sky, inhale…exhale. Take the chest all the way down forehead to the floor and your arms up as high as possible.”
“what on earth is this…” he mumbled as he attempted to copy her. “this isn’t exercise”
“slowly rise to kneeling position, keeping your fingers interlaced. Open the chest, arch the back, slightly look up…exhale and take it all the way back down to your child’s pose”
“this IS a child’s pose...” he huffed as he done as told.
The woman done the same routine four or five times before moving onto the next.
“arms reaching up, releasing the fingers, then sinking back over to child’s pose this time reaching forwards. Moving onto all fours, and up into downward facing dog.”
“I really hope no one comes in here right now” Liam chuckled as he moved into the position, he done as the woman told and he went from that pose to a plank pose then back again. He watched in amazement as the woman on the screen asked him to reach his right leg up to the sky and hold the three-legged dog pose. I don’t think I bend that way. he didn’t give up, he done as he was told. Giving out a huff when she asked him to bend his right knee and move his left elbow to the floor, then he was to start circling his leg.
It was about twenty minutes into the DVD when the woman asked him to move into the bird of paradise position. His face dropped when he seen what she wanted him to do
“what on earth is this! Do I look like a contortionist?”
As much as he didn’t want to…he done it anyway.
Just seconds later, the was a knock at the door then it opened.
“if that’s anyone but riley” he mumbled as he looked up expecting his wife he was met with Drake with a smirk on his face.
“what the fuck are you doing?”
“Drake!” as Liam went to move out of the pose, he struggled and fell forwards landing on the hard floor with the thump.
“eughh” he groaned as Drake laughed
“when did you start doing yoga?” he laughed
“I made a bet with Riley she has to do my workout routine and I have to do hers.”
“oh really? Well I hate to break it to you but, ive been in the stables since five this morning checking on the new foal, Riley’s sitting on the bench right under the window, eating a sandwich…every fifteen minutes, she gets up and runs past the window” Drake laughed
“that sneaky little…just wait.”
“what are you gonna do?”
“I’m not sure yet.”
After Drake left, Liam showered then dressed for his day before heading out to his meeting, Riley had done the same when she returned not long after he left.
by the time Riley had returned it was hitting seven o’clock, Liam was not long returned from his meeting as well. As she walked into the apartment, she couldn’t hear anyone at all.
“Liam? Are you home?”
“I’m in here” his voice carried through from the bathroom. She took off her shoes then followed the sound. Once she reached the bathroom she smirked. There he was lying in a bubble bath
“wat’cha doin?”
“I’m relaxing…you can come and join me if you’d like”
“mmm that sounds like a great idea” she quickly tied her hair up, then undressed before making her way over to the bathtub. She watched as Liam moved his legs slightly for her to climb in and sit between them, she didn’t fail to notice the grimace on his face as he moved his muscles.
“is everything okay?” she asked as she climbed in, sitting in front of him, leaning back onto his chest, letting the heat of the bath relax her muscles.
“yeah, everything’s fine” he smiled, as she turned and placed a kiss on his lips.
“how was your day?” she asked him
“oh, it was great… how were your meetings?”
“they were fine, I made the deal with the ambassador”
“that’s great” Liam whispered as he wrapped his arms around her torso.
A short while later, the two climbed out of the bath and headed for the bedroom to get ready for bed. As they walked out of the bathroom, Riley noticed a slight limp in Liam's walk.
“are you sure you’re okay?” she asked
“yes, I think I just slept funny or something”
Riley knew Liam was aching from the yoga, she also knew he would never admit it, so she thought she would coax it out of him. whilst she was in the walk-in closet finding what she was looking for, Liam was in the bedroom, with just a towel wrapped around his waist, looking through his chest of drawers.
“Oh, I forgot to ask, did you work out?” she asked with a smirk as she opened her lingerie drawer and pulled out a lace bodysuit.
“yeah, I did, I done it as soon as I got back.”
“and how did it go” she tried not to let him hear her chuckle
“it was alright”
“so, you didn’t have any issues at all?”
“nope…not at all”
“good” she smirked as she appeared at the closer door in just the bodysuit. “then you won’t mind if we…” Liam's eyes bulged out of his head when he seen her standing there. There was no way he was going to be able to “perform” up to standard with the pain he was in…he was aching in places he didn’t even know he had. riley grinned as she slowly made her way over to him. she wrapped her arms around his torso from behind, running her hands up and down his chest a she placed gentle kisses against his back, she moved her fingers to the top of the towel and undone the fold that was holding it in place, she smirked as she watched it fall to the ground. Riley's hands slowly made their way down towards his thighs, she watched in the mirror as he closed his eyes. Not my thighs, not my thighs…
“Riley…” he moaned.
She took his hand in hers, then guided him over to the end of the bed, she climbed on, and sat herself at the top of the bed waiting for him to follow. She watched as he stood at the end of the bed not moving. With a smirk she gently ran her hands down over the lace suit, she watched as she physically seen him gulp.
“well…are you going to join me?” she asked
“I…um…. I…no”
“no?” she asked exaggeratedly, before getting on all fours and crawling to the end of the bed, stopping in front of him, she moved to her knees, so they were at the same height.
“what do you mean…no?” she asked as she placed her arms over his shoulders, then moved forwards placing a passionate kiss on his lips, then moved to his neck, then his chest.
“Riley…I-”
“what is it, Liam? Tell your queen why you won’t make love to her…”
“dammit Riley I can’t!!!” he stepped back. Riley threw her head back in laughter.
“why?” she laughed
“because I’m aching all over…what the hell did you do to me!” he tried not to laugh.
“and why are you aching all over? Come on, I wanna hear you say it”
“because I hurt myself doing yoga!”
“AHHAA I TOLD YOU! I TOLD YOU, YOU WOULDN’T LAST A WEEK! admit it! my work out is just as hard as yours!��
“alright! Alright! I was wrong…I’m sorry…I will never doubt your methods of exercise again!”
“that’s right! You thought it would be easy because it just looks like silly poses but in actual fact…they are harder to do than your work out altogether.”
“I’m sorry” Liam smirked
Riley stood from the bed with a smile “I’ll be back in a moment, go lie down” Riley whispered
“where are you going?”
“to get you a hot press for your legs”
“you don’t have to do that”
“just lie down, sweetie, I’ll be back in minute”
That next morning, Riley was again woken to Liam giving her a dig.
“you’re crazy…leave me alone…let me sleep!”
“we made a deal”
“Liam…I already proved my routine is just as bad as yours why do we have to keep doing it”
“well if you don’t want your week free of any duties”
Riley groaned as she threw the duvet back and climbed out of the bed, she dressed then headed outside.
Liam waited ten minutes then climbed out of bed, he stood at the window and watched, drake’s theory was confirmed, dead on half past six Riley ran past the window, she looked up and seen Liam watching, she smiled and waved then carried on. Liam then made his way to the bathroom, taking the bucket from the under the sink, he filled it with cold water then carried it out to the bedroom window, He then made his way to the kitchenette where he opened the freezing taking out the huge bag of ice, he had lifted from the kitchen downstairs, the day before. He carried it to the bedroom, ripping open the top he emptied the contents into the bucket. He grinned as he opened the window, and leaned out, looking down, three floors below, there lay on the bench was Riley, laying back reading a book. Liam smirked as he lifted the bucket to the sill, holding it so it didn’t fall.
“you look a little warm after all that exercise sweetie! Let me help you cool down!!!!” he laughed as his wife looked up at him like a deer in headlights, he smirked as he turned the bucket upside down, emptying the contents over her, Laughing as she attempted to move but clearly wasn’t fast enough.
“LIAMMM!! THAT’S FUCKING FREEZING!!!”
Within five minutes, the apartment door flung open, revealing a soaked Riley, with Bastian standing not far behind her with a smirk.
“good morning, my love” Liam smiled as she glared at him.
“did you have a good workout?”
95 notes · View notes
qitwrites · 7 years ago
Text
happy birthday dearest @ryugazakkis ♥. here’s a small textfic from your precious oikuro college!au. Hope you have an amazing day ⌒°(❛ᴗ❛)°⌒
Kuroo: we’re out of eggs
Oikawa: and?
Kuroo: buy some
Kuroo: youre out loafing anyway
Oikawa: first of all, fuck u
Oikawa: secondly, im not loafing, im buying our face packs for this weeknd
Kuroo: ok, understandably important business
Kuroo: but Bo is craving my omu rice
Kuroo: and theres no eggs in the fridge
Oikawa: fyn. u both owe me.
Oikawa: i need to walk an extra 468m to reach the grocery place
Kuroo: do i want to knw y u have such an accurate measurement of the distance?
Oikawa: ……
Oikawa: i get bored easily
Kuroo: u need new hobbies
Oikawa: once again, fuc k you
~
Oikawa: <link attached>
Oikawa: <link attached>
Oikawa: <link attached>
Oikawa: <link attached>
Kuroo: wtf is this
Oikawa: proof
Kuroo: of wat?
Oikawa: the existence of aliens you imbecille
Kuroo: im sorry, but im still not a believer tofu
Oikawa: traitor
Oikawa: y r we frnds?
Kuroo: because u love meeeeee
Oikawa: -.-
~
Kuroo: tooru
Oikawa: hmm?
Kuroo: i miss home
Oikawa: we get a break in two weeks
Oikawa: hang in there
Oikawa: im out rn
Oikawa: ill bring the ice cream
Kuroo: youre the best
Oikawa: i know
Kuroo: asshole
Oikawa: theres my tetsu-chan
Kuroo: <3
~
Oikawa: it’s fascinating, really
Kuroo: wat is
Oikawa: the way my face twists when someone says ushiwaka within 100 feet of me
Oikawa: bo snapped a pic
Oikawa: <image>
Kuroo: meme worthy
Kuroo: truly
Oikawa: honestly
Oikawa: the man manages to make beauty lyk mine look stale
Kuroo: that’s to say
Kuroo: u have any beauty at all
Oikawa: pfff
Oikawa: tetsu-chan please
Oikawa: ur a lot of things
Oikawa: and i mean A LOT
Oikawa: but blind is not one of them
Kuroo: ass
Oikawa: i don’t see u disagreeing
Kuroo: ���….
Oikawa:  (✿´ ꒳ ` )
~
Kuroo: wat do u wanna watch 2night
Oikawa: well
Oikawa: im kinda in the mood for horror
Kuroo: i was thinking the sameee
Kuroo: saw 2?
Oikawa: yaaasss
Kuroo: also pizza
Kuroo: hawaiian or pepperoni
Oikawa: pepperoni pleasee
Kuroo: done done
Oikawa: thanks :*
~
Kuroo: oikawa
Kuroo: oikawa come on
Kuroo: tooru
Oikawa: i don’t wanna talk rn
Kuroo: i know it sucks to be fighting with iwa
Kuroo: bt just calm down and think abt it from his perspective
Kuroo: and dnt ever forget
Kuroo: he loves u
Oikawa: ……
Oikawa: i know
Oikawa: i just need time
Kuroo: i know
~
Oikawa: dnt forget
Oikawa: we’re running tomorrow @ 5:30
Kuroo: i hate u
Kuroo: every single cell in my body
Kuroo: prays fr your untimely demise
Kuroo: is the sun even up that early
Oikawa: .______.
Oikawa: tat’s the point u idiot
Kuroo: i hate u
Oikawa: im aware
Oikawa: ill knock on ur door til u wake up
Oikawa: just saying
Kuroo: ur existence is sevearly regretted @ the moment
Oikawa: dnt be late darling
Oikawa: u can thank me later
Kuroo: go to hell
Kuroo: preferably before 5:30 in the morning
~
Oikawa: KUROO-MOTHERFUCKING-TETSUROU
Kuroo: yes dear?
Oikawa: will u
Oikawa: fr the love of all that is good and pure
Oikawa: stop changing my bg’s
Oikawa: to posivitely atrocious selfies of urself????
Oikawa: i had to show my prof something on my cell
Oikawa: and that picture just blares up at us
Oikawa: and ive never felt so horrifyingly embarrassed
Oikawa: his eyes Kuroo
Oikawa: he looked so betrayed
Oikawa: his hatred for me in that moment
Oikawa: could prob burn a hole through wood
Kuroo: brb
Kuroo: crying so har d rn
Kuroo: ur prof saw?
Kuroo: omggg
Kuroo: ◝( ′ㅂ`)و ̑̑
Oikawa: rot in the depths of tartarus
Kuroo: just as long as u wont be there
Oikawa: 🖕
~
Oikawa: kuroo
Kuroo: yeah
Oikawa: correct me if im wrong
Oikawa: bt did u just walk into class in your kitty pajama bottoms?
Kuroo: yeah
Oikawa: wit ur hair unbrushed
Kuroo: yeah
Oikawa: without shaving or even remotely grooming
Kuroo: yeah
Oikawa: zombie mode activated?
Kuroo: yeah
Oikawa: alrighty the n
Oikawa: ill get u coffee wen your class is done
Kuroo: blessed
Oikawa: monosyllabic bastard
~
Kuroo: u doing anything for the upcoming long weeknd?
Oikawa: i wanted to go home
Oikawa: bt my parents already planned a trip
Oikawa: so no
Kuroo: ok then youre coming
Oikawa: where
Kuroo: bo and i have planned a road trip
Kuroo: call iwa too
Oikawa: that sounds like fuuuun
Oikawa: o(≧∇≦o)
Kuroo: i know 
Kuroo: ρ( ̄ヘ ̄ メ)
Oikawa: iwa says yessss
Kuroo: awesome!
Kuroo: don’t forget sunscreen this time
Oikawa: it happened ONE TIME TETSU
Oikawa: let it go
Kuroo: u were pink for a week and half
Kuroo: im neve r letting that go
Oikawa: go fuck a trumpet
Kuroo: tempting
Kuroo: bt no thanks
Oikawa: y haven’t I blocked u yet jezuz
Kuroo: u keep asking urself that
~
Kuroo: <voice note>
Oikawa: from all that screaming and yelping
Oikawa: im assuming bo wants curry?
Kuroo: yas
Kuroo: me 2 actually
Oikawa: do we have any ingredients/
Kuroo: uhhh
Kuroo: i think a moth just flew outta the cupboard
Oikawa: ……
Kuroo: yeah ill go shopping
Oikawa: good idea
Oikawa: and take that hyper active eternally hungry puppy wid u
Kuroo: his name is bo
Oikawa: just goo
Oikawa: shooo
Kuroo: going going
~
Kuroo: sometimes i wish
Kuroo: the aliens had taken u
Kuroo: wen we offered u to them
Oikawa: same kuroo
Oikawa: same
Oikawa: (。•́︿•̀。)
Kuroo: wanna try again ?? ???
Oikawa: we’re too sober
Kuroo: not if i can help it
Oikawa: ill bring the tequila
Kuroo: i approve
~
Kuroo: Tooru
Kuroo: it’s not your fault
Kuroo: no matter what you or anyone else says or thinks
Kuroo: it’s not your fault
Oikawa: i am weak
Oikawa: so pathetically weak
Oikawa: coach should fucking bench me
Kuroo: open the door
Kuroo: I have wine, chocolates and bubblewrap
Oikawa: …..
Oikawa: I love you.
Kuroo: I love you too.
Kuroo: youre good enough
Kuroo: dont doubt that
~
Kuroo: daisho’s resemblance to reptiles
Kuroo: makes me truly believe in the existent of mutants
Oikawa: well, he’s certainly
Oikawa: whats the wor d
Oikawa: slimy
Kuroo: bo wants to strangle him for touching kei-chan
Oikawa: ill join him
Oikawa: my poor iwa-chan is suffering wid him 2
Kuroo: ugh
Kuroo: i hate him
Oikawa: i know
Kuroo: bleh
Oikawa: Netflix and cuddle?
Kuroo: Netflix and cuddle
~
Kuroo: <missed call>
Kuroo: <missed call>
Kuroo: <missed call>
Oikawa: wt actua l FUCK
Oikawa: its 3 AM
Oikawa: y u do this
Kuroo: i want tacos
Oikawa: ok just to put this in context
Oikawa: u have woken me at ass oclock in the morning
Oikawa: 2 get fucking tacos
Oikawa: hve i forgotten anything?
Kuroo: and churros!!!
Kuroo: im craving something sweeeet
Oikawa: im gonna kill u
Kuroo: yeah yeah no prob
Kuroo: see u in 5
Oikawa: …….
Oikawa: i want chocolate filled ones
Kuroo: attaboy
~
Oikawa: i think the four extra months ive spent on this planet
Oikawa: has given me this undeniably invaluable insight of the world
Oikawa: im sorry u cant ever experience this kurooo
Kuroo: that’s alright
Kuroo: i see things in a way diff from u
Oikawa: how so????
Kuroo: i mean
Kuroo: i am 3.4 entire cms taller
Kuroo: the view is simply breathtaking
Oikawa: ……
Oikawa: fuck u
Kuroo: ✧٩(•́⌄•́๑)
~
Oikawa: hey
Oikawa: wen u free?
Kuroo: i got tomorrow evening off
Kuroo: what’s up?
Oikawa: i wanna work on that spike wid u
Oikawa: also blocking practice with bo
Kuroo: im game
Oikawa: good
Oikawa: we need cooler hand signs too
Kuroo: tots agree
Kuroo: we’ll brainstorm alright?
Oikawa: sounds like a plan
Oikawa: ೕ(•̀ᴗ•́)
~
Kuroo: code ET
Kuroo: i repeat
Kuroo: CODE ET
Kuroo: which means i am VERY sad
Oikawa: got it got it
Oikawa: ill meet u at the regular spot in 10
Oikawa: and ill bring bo
Kuroo: and my hoodie
Oikawa: and your hoodie
Kuroo: cookies and cream?
Oikawa: ye s plis
Oikawa: bo will have mint choco
Kuroo: got it
Kuroo: come fastly
Oikawa: almost there
~
Oikawa: just for 10 mins
Oikawa: ill only practice serves
Oikawa: i swea r
Kuroo: for the last time
Kuroo: NO
Kuroo: you are going to rest your knee till its better
Kuroo: even bo is mad this time
Kuroo: he wont let u on this court either
Oikawa: can i watch?
Kuroo: nope
Kuroo: focus on healin g
Kuroo: idiot
Oikawa: ……
Oikawa: im sorry
Kuroo: don’t be
Kuroo: we miss u too
~
Oikawa: i may not say this all the time
Oikawa: but your existence is appreciated Kuroo
Oikawa: thank u for coming into my life all those many years ago
Oikawa: and dealing with my stream of bullshit
Kuroo: likewise
Kuroo: <voice note>
Oikawa: pfff
Oikawa: tell bo I love him too
Kuroo: will do
Kuroo: oh bt w
Kuroo: Tooru?
Oikawa: yeah ?
Kuroo: i still don’t believe in aliens
Oikawa: F UCK YOU
Kuroo: I love you too
Kuroo: ♥♥
381 notes · View notes
gyrlversion · 6 years ago
Text
Determined shoppers queue for worlds biggest Primark in Birmingham
Power cuts have plunged the world’s largest Primark into darkness and left shoppers stranded on escalators just hours after the new 160,100sq ft megastore flung open its doors for the first time.  
Thousands have descended on the new flagship branch in Birmingham city centre today, eager to get the first glimpse of the enormous shop which features three restaurants, two coffee kiosks, a ‘Primarket’ and the widely-anticipated Disney cafe 
But the grand launch suffered a setback as a technical glitch left punters momentarily fumbling around the aisles amid a brief blackout. 
Fortunately, the power outage was only temporary and the lights have now come back on to the relief of the scores of people who have flocked to the store. 
Scroll down for video 
Power cuts have plunged the world’s largest Primark into darkness and left shoppers stranded on escalators
The grand launch suffered a setback as a technical glitch left punters fumbling around the shop amid a brief blackout
The hype among fans of the bargain retailer electrified yesterday when Primark released sensational drone footage showcasing the five-floor store which will employee almost 1,000 staff. 
One Primark fanatic even ranked the launch as one of the best days in her life and likened it to weddings and giving birth to children.  
Karen Smith, 60, a stay at home mum, said: ‘I was here since 9 o’clock. I’m very excited. I can’t wait to see all the Disney departments.
‘My first stop will probably be the Disney store and my first buy will e something from the Disney homewear collection.
‘When they tell you the best day of your life is getting married or having your children, it’s not, it’s when you’re there for the opening of the biggest Primark in the world.’ 
And 23-year-old Sammy Smith, who said he was heading straight for the Harry Potter section, agreed that it was the greatest day of his life.  
Many have been camped outside the new flagship branch in Birmingham city centre for hours to guarantee entry to the enormous shop which features three restaurants, two coffee kiosks, a ‘Primarket’ and the widely-anticipated Disney cafe
Some Primark fanatics even ranked the launch as one of the best days in their lives and likened it to weddings and having children
Around 5,000 people are expected to turn up on Birmingham high street for the grand opening at 10am today
Today’s opening of the Birmingham branch is set to smash the record for Primark existing largest store by 5,000sq ft, topping Manchester’s 155,000sq ft structure
But the excitement has worn off on one shopper who woke up in the early hours of this morning to avoid getting stuck in the large crowds expected to descend on Birmingham today.
Carla Sharp, 33, a composite laminator, said: ‘I’ve been waiting since 07.55. ‘I think it’s going to look like a normal Primark just a bit bigger really.
‘I’m not really excited for it- we got up at 3’oclock because we were planning to get here at 4 o’clock this morning but it was so icy, I just couldn’t.
‘My first visit is definitely going to be Disney- the quality of the Disney stuff is probably better than in the actual Disney stores sometimes. I’m definitely excited for the Disney stuff and children’s wear.’  
Today’s opening of the Birmingham branch is set to smash the record for Primark’s existing largest store by 5,000sq ft, topping Manchester’s 155,000sq ft structure. 
Around 5,000 people are expected to turn up on Birmingham high street for the grand opening at 10am today.   
Sarah Miller,50, a nurse said: ‘I’ve been waiting for about half an hour and oh my God I’m excited!
‘I think it’s going to be amazing, I’ve already looked online and I can’t wait.
‘My first stop is going to be Disney and I’ll buy something from there but I don’t know what yet.
‘It’s the largest in the world, it’s amazing, I’ve come from Worcester to be here early this morning.’
Karen Smith said: ‘When they tell you the best day of your life is getting married or having your children, it’s not, it’s when you’re there for the opening of the biggest Primark in the world’
Incredible footage showcases the sheer scale of the enormous shop, which is the world’s largest Primark 
The covers are off! The world’s biggest Primark will open its doors to the public today for its grand opening
The incredible footage reveals the five floors of the massive shop, which promises to feature amazing fashion for amazing prices 
Laura Jackson, 25, had been queuing outside ahead of the 10am launch and said: ‘I am very excited for it. I’m a massive Disney fan so I want to see the Disney cafe. I don’t know where to start from. We want to go first and see how it is.’ 
A number of lucky ‘friends and family’ members were given the opportunity to have a look around the new superstore earlier this week, with one saying ‘no expense has been spared’. 
‘It’s going to take on the Bullring as the city’s number one shopping destination,’ gushed one excited visitor. ‘It’s an amazing shop compared with what was here before.
Teagan Smith, 31, a civil servant in the queue, said just before 9am: ‘I’ve been waiting for half an hour.
‘From the pictures online, I think it’s going to look like pretty clean cut, big, great, better than most of the stores in the area probably.
‘It’s going to be interesting to see what’s in there and obviously the Disney cafe.
‘I don’t know whether to go straight to the Disney cafe, check that out and then come back.’
The Disney cafe, which features interactive tables for children to play with, is one of three restaurants on the site; the others being the Mezz restaurant and the Primarket cafe.
Also on site is Duck & Dry Xpress, Primark’s largest ever beauty studio for nails, make-up, hair, eyebrows and lashes, as well as Mills barbers for male customers. 
The new flagship superstore in Birmingham city centre boasts five floors of fashion as well as a new Disney cafe, a stylish hair salon and barbers and a custom T-shirt printing lab
By 11 o’clock, some of the early punters were already leaving the store and were generally very positive about their trip but warned that the launch had been very crowded.   
Pensioner Aileen Harris, 70, said: ‘It will be lovely when you can see what you can get, it was really busy and the music was too loud but the clothes were beautiful. 
‘I got what I wanted, I came with my sister, she’s still inside. I got some new bedding, I have a new bed and wanted some new bedding.
‘It’s also nice material, it was £27 for the duvet, the sheets and pillowcases.
‘It’s very easy to navigate, it’s all arrowed, but it was just too busy, I’d probably come back in a week when it’s calm down.
‘It’s really nice, there’s enough stuff to help, I enjoyed it it’s got nice things, especially for the young ones.’
Sarah Lasuba, 45, a cleaner said: ‘It is amazing, it’s really very big inside, it s not difficult to go around. I bought four pairs of leggings for £2 each, it’s a normal price.’
Mrs Hall, 73, a pensioner said: ‘It’s an absolutely brilliant store, there’s loads to choose from, you can spend too much money.
‘At first it wasn’t easy to get around but I don’t think it would take you long. I think you’d need a good couple of hours but I don’t have time for that.
‘Where I’ve been and what I’ve seen I thought it was really brilliant. I liked everything, it was all very well laid out.
‘I bought some shorts, T-shirt’s and a dress. The prices were really good, the biggest item I bought was the dress for £18, but it is embroidery only so that’s a fair price.
‘I bought two pairs of pants of denim for £6 each which I thought was very good value.’  
The Disney cafe, which features interactive tables for children to play with, is one of three restaurants on the site – the others being the Mezz restaurant and the Primarket cafe
Much of the excitement focused on the megastore’s Disney cafe which has cartoons of Mickey Mouse plastered across its walls.  
Eve Doffey, 40, civil servant said: ‘I just got here, I’ve only Been waiting for ten minutes. I’m very excited, my first stop will probably be the Disney cafe.
‘I think it’s going to be like going to Ikea , you buy loads of stuff you think you don’t need.
‘It’s once in a lifetime thing,you live here it’s your city.
Emma Ailsworth, 26, a retail shop worker, said: ‘I think it’s going to be awesome. I’d definitely get something from Disney first.
‘It’s the worlds biggest primark , you’re not going to see it again.
Tina Hannon, 36, head housekeeper for the premier inn said: ‘I just got here, I think it’s going to be amazing.
‘I’m a little bit excited to see what’s inside, see how they’ve done it. My first stop is going to be Disney and I’d probably buy something from Harry Potter.
One visitor to the store yesterday said it’s going to take on the Bullring as the city’s number one shopping destination
One visitor said the shop, which has three eateries, is ‘truly transformational’ and will be the top destination in Birmingham
The central escalator block at the heart of the building is emblazoned with slogans like ‘Hello Brum’ and ‘find your amazing’ lit up in neon blue. 
There are also digital window displays to entice passing shoppers, as well items from its latest clothing range dedicated to Harry Potter, which first launched in September 2017. 
Find your way around Birmingham’s new Primark superstore
Floor 2: Kids, lingerie, Primark cafe with Disney, toilets
Floor 1: Womens – clothing, accessories, shoes – Home, Custom Lab T-shirt printing, Primarket – tech, stationery, toys – Primarket Cafe, toilets
Floor 0: Womens – clothing, beauty – Duck & Dry Xpress Beauty Studio, Exit to High Street
Floor -1: The Mezz Restaurant. Coffee Kiosk, toilets
Floor -2: Mens – clothing, accessories, shoes, Mills Barbers, Coffee Kiosk, Exit to Moor Street
The garments worn by mannequins, unveiled yesterday, suggest Primark’s favourite shades this season will include yellows, greens, creams and browns. 
There’s even a custom T-shirt printing station, where Disney fans can get their own text below an image of their favourite character on official Disney tees, which start at £5 for children’s sizes. 
A visitor on yesterday’s members tour told Birmingham Live: ‘It’s the same with official Barcelona T-shirts, which could be 30 or 40 euros abroad but which I think will be less than £10 here.
‘The shop is truly transformational. It will be the top destination in Birmingham.
‘Children will love going through the Disney archways shaped like Mickey Mouse ears on their way in to the themed cafe.’
The infamous Primark changing room queues should also be a thing of the past, with the main changing area boasting 32 cubicles, and you’ll be able to do a refund or exchange at any till in the store.
There are also facts about the flagship store’s hometown dotted around the walls, with one reading: ‘Birmingham Museum and Art Gallery holds the largest collection of Pre-Raphaelite art in the world.’
The Disney cafe, which has archways shaped like Mickey Mouse ears, is bound to be a hit with adults and children alike
As well as its stylish Duck & Dry beauty salon, there’s also a Mills barbers for male customers
A Primark spokesperson previously told how the store will create more than 500 new jobs in the area, while 430 colleagues will transfer from its existing location in Birmingham
There are digital window displays to entice passing shoppers, as well items from its latest clothing range. The garments worn by its mannequins, unveiled yesterday, suggest Primark’s favourite shades this season will include yellows, greens, creams and browns.
A Primark spokesperson previously told how the store will create more than 500 new jobs in the area, while 430 colleagues will transfer from its existing location in Birmingham. 
They added: ‘The store will have the latest trends in womenswear, menswear and kidswear including footwear and accessories, as well as lingerie, beauty and homeware,’ said the spokesman.
‘In addition to amazing fashion at amazing prices, this store will have many new features. 
‘The store will also have a personalisation service, recharge seating areas and free WiFi.’
The store will have the latest trends in womenswear, menswear and kidswear including footwear and accessories, as well as lingerie, beauty and homeware
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topicprinter · 6 years ago
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A couple months ago I asked for growth advices on this sub, it highly motivated me to discuss with people offering neutral feedbacks and advices as it wasn’t based on dogmatic and pre-formated models.Know I want to talk something that I think will benefits beginners entrepreneurs.Grab a cup of coffee and make yourself confortable, this one may ended to be a long thread ;-)Most of time we tend to talk about strategy, partnerships, sales etc, but what we tend to ignore or at least very few time express, is the entrepreneurship hard parts.I started to work on something that I until recently called my « project » almost four years ago.It all started with an idea and three people willing to work together.Unfortunately it didn’t goes according to the plan and we had to separate, I’ll not goes into details here as you can easily find the related topic where I explained that in great length.All in all, I kept contact with one of the three people we were back then and which is a close friend of me.From time to time we continued to talk about this project and to work on it separately as we followed our own careers path each other.Few months from now while hanging at a bar we decided that those years to sparely work on this project and the experiences we gained through our careers gives us maturity and a stronger basement to jump into the adventure for real.So, all in all, what changed since back then?I started to wake up at 4 O’clock in the morning a little bit more than a year and a half ago (Back in the army/early career situation \o/) and to embrace long and hard day of work.I cleaned up everything that cluttered my days and productivity such as way too regular laziness and procrastination.Don’t make me wrong here, procrastinating is good for entrepreneurs, it’s a great time where you’ll be able to think of you business, imagine and create new things or just evade a bit, but I was way too much procrastinating through my days and really spend precious hours.Regarding my 4 O’clock routine, I wont lie, it hurt, especially at the beginning when you took a nasty habit to wake up at 9 or 10 in the morning.But yet it’s rewarding in a magnitude that I wouldn’t have believed if not tested myself.First of all, it give you times, and that’s is the most precious thing that you could earn.Usually as soon as the alarm ring, I power on full light, it force you to immediately jump out of the bed. Once I’m up, I take the first 30 mins to read the news that are interesting for my business or useful to build it, to read my mails and answer those who don’t need an extensive response. That first 30 mins help me to light up my brain.Then I take a shower, it’s really important as it warm up your body and wash all remaining bit of sleepery.At this point it’s usually 5 in the morning, I grab my stuff and head to the office.As I got 30 mins of daily commute, as I’m lucky to live in a place with public transport services I can take advantage of that time to work on articles or documents that I wrote in order to sustain my business.5’30 I arrive at the office, and here is an important thing to know:As my business is in its early stage, I still have a regular job that hopefully I love, with a supportive employer which allow me to work on my own business at the office, until I don’t use our company intellectual properties or assets in order to build a concurrent company, and that I’m fully committed to my day job from 10 to 5 in the afternoon.As I’m not working on the same business that my employer we got a deal that let me 4 hours and a half to work on my product.So, during this time, I usually work on two aspects, the product development itself, and the business development. Usually I start working on the development part of things as the news and my commute gave me some ideas or answers to fast forward on issues that I’m stuck with from the previous day. Then I switch over to the business part of things as soon as I’m stuck with tedicious problems that would require me more than an hour to debug.As soon as 10’ is ringing and that my colleagues arrive, I immediately stop working on my business and fully jump on my regular job tasks and meetings until 5’ in the afternoon where I usually grab my bag and get back home.As on the morning, I use my commute time to look for information regarding the problems that I faced or questions that I’ve got regarding the business. That also usually the time where I’m syncing with my associate in order to avoid working on the same thing and be able to help him on its topics from a fresh eye perspective and he do the same on my problems too.Once arrived at home I immediately switch off all electronic devices (Except if I’m on my job on call night watch) and slow back down by cleaning the appartement, throwing garbage and cooking a bit. Once all of that is done I take a shower and head to bed with a book. At this point in time it’s usually 8’30, reading for 30’ usually gave me enough time to goes asleep for 9’ in the evening.All in all, the hard thing about such routine is to force yourself out of the bed, be strict about it and stick to the planning.As I don’t want to burnout of that routine I exclusively apply it from monday morning to friday morning and keep all my weekend free and available for social interactions with friends and family.I also give me room once in a month to get a drink or diner with my fellows at work as some are friends and that I do my best to get my business out of the road in my regular job context and don’t ostracize myself from our company culture which is really positive and warm.Sooooo, is such routine hard? Yes, it is, especially after that much time having another completely different one. Especially when you’ll have to be strict about your lifestyle and schedule in order to don’t mess with your health.Is that routine dangerous? I will not give you bullshit here. It absolutely can be if you’re not strict about your sleep time and don’t get an healthy life.I guarantee you’ll get in trouble in a month if you mess up.You’ll gain weight like never before, start to be depressed and I don’t even talked about health incident that you can trigger, so don’t mess up the your sleep and stop eating dirty and fast food. Don’t put too many salt/fat and extras within your dish. Stop drinking anything else than water or coffee/the, especially avoid alcohol and all soda or sugar full drinks.But is that routine rewarding? Oh boy! Definitely ! In an order of magnitude!Not only will you gain tremendous amount of times to achieve things, but you’ll gain peace of mind and find yourself more relaxed.Only few people are awake at that time. You’ll gain a less noisy environment, less crowded public transportation, roads and coffee shops :-) You won’t be in a hurry anymore and so less stressed by insignificant fear to miss an appointment or arrive late at work.One more thing to add, don’t use that routine because your ears about it in some random motivational videos. Do it on purpose. Do it because you need time to achieve something and feel that having a regular 9 to midnight life isn’t satisfying in regards of what you want to achieve. But don’t do it because it’s trendy.If you’re fine we your current schedule and lifestyle that’s fine. It’s perfectly fine to be a 9’ O’clock person and that won’t decide whether or not you’ll be able to build something important or have success in your life/career.However, if you feel you running out of time and always find yourself saying that you don’t get enough time to do things, I feel it’s worthy to try it for real and to for yourself to be committed on it.I hope this post will give you some appropriate answers and a good insight about this time management method.
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allofbeercom · 6 years ago
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‘Progress is painfully uneven’: Baltimore, 15 years after The Wire
From its first episode in 2002, the HBO TV drama documented the poverty, politics and policing of a city. We visit its memorable locations and talk to the people trying to rebuild scarred communities See more of JM Giordanos photographs of Baltimore locations used in the wire here
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In black jacket, checked shirt and white trainers, eight-year-old DAngelo Preston is riding his bike while his sister, Alicia, 11, gives chase. They are playing outside the Baltimore Montessori public charter school, where they would be pupils if they had the chance. Their teachers dont yell at them, says Alicia matter-of-factly. Their teachers let them do whatever they want.
Alicia aims to be a maths teacher when she grows up; DAngelo wants to be a professional football player. They live barely a minutes walk from the Montessori school but, having lost an enrolment lottery, instead take a daily bus to Dallas F Nicholas elementary school, which has fewer resources. The siblings father, Shawn Preston, 38, a mechanic, says: It has a good reputation and I wish more local kids could go. I tried to send Alicia but they told me it was all filled up. I was disappointed. I thought they could have got her in there somehow: were in the neighbourhood.
This is Greenmount West, a community striving to put distance between itself and its portrayal in one of televisions most indelible dramas: The Wire. The Montessori school building was previously home to a beleaguered government school and starred in the fourth and arguably finest season of the show. A nearby design college is still recognisable as where the corner kids hung out. A couple of houses near Prestons were used during filming. Even the name DAngelo strikes a chord as the name of a principal character in the first season.
But as the disappointment over school places illustrates, progress is painfully uneven. While some parts of Baltimore are thriving, others have gone into reverse. In 2015, the death of an African American man in police custody triggered widespread unrest, while the total murder rate of 344 was the highest per capita in the citys history. Last year the figure was 318. In 2017 so far (up to 10 May), there have been 124 murders, outstripping Chicago and putting Baltimore on course for its bloodiest year ever.
Michael Olesker, an author and former Baltimore Sun columnist, says: Its turf wars. Its a battle for street corners. Youve got 18-year-old kids killing each other. Many are from broken families. Wed like to think art can move the world but this problem is so intractable on so many levels its going to be with us for a long time.
This was the world of The Wire and it is still very much intact. From June 2002 to March 2008, the epic HBO series mapped the citys geography, society and soul, charting the never-ending street battle between cops and drug lords. It was a study of the havoc wrought by the drug war on trust between black communities and police. Its hard-boiled realism included a scene of four minutes and 40 seconds in which the dialogue between two detectives consists entirely of 31 fucks, four motherfuckers and one fucking-A.
Bodie and DAngelo Barksdale (right and second right) in season one of The Wire. Photograph: BBC/HBO
The Wire never won an Emmy award or gained a mainstream audience; its acclaim rests largely with critics and fans, including Barack Obama, who named it his favourite show. It stands undiminished in the cultural pantheon. In 2015 Jonathan Bernstein wrote in the Guardian: The temple of the US one-hour TV drama has four pillars: The Sopranos, The Wire, Mad Men and Breaking Bad, novelistic shows that indicted America for its failures but refused to condemn their complex, emotionally crippled leading men.
When British actor, director and writer Kwame Kwei-Armah moved to Baltimore in 2011 to head the Center Stage theatre, he had not seen The Wire so he caught up via iTunes. Recently he met its creator, David Simon. I think its magnificent television, Kwei-Armah says. I think it was voted one of the best pieces of television of the 00s and, as a document, it will be remembered. Baltimore was just a metaphor; it depicted post-industrial America.
The Wire was intricately, unforgivingly plotted, capturing the prosaic nature of police procedural work, the brutal dynastic politics of drug kingpins and the corruption and grubby compromises of civic life. Simon has memorably said: Our model when we started wasnt other television shows. The standard we were looking at was Balzacs Paris or Dickenss London, or Tolstoys Moscow.
Befitting a novel, the characters were richly realised archetypes that leapt off the screen. There was the hard-drinking maverick cop Jimmy McNulty (Dominic West), the world-weary detective Lester Freamon (Clarke Peters), the aspirational, smooth gangster Stringer Bell (Idris Elba), the quietly heroic recovering addict Bubbles (Andre Royo) and the enigmatic, gay Robin Hood figure Omar Little (Michael K Williams), whose distinctions include a facial scar, quaint turn of phrase and being Obamas favourite character.
And in police detective Kima Greggs (Sonja Sohn), we had American TV dramas first major portrayal of a black lesbian. In a phone interview, Sohn recalls: I cant say that I thought she was going to be iconic in any way, but I do think she has become so. I think she is a character I started seeing a lot more in cop shows. Whos the tough female cop, person of colour?
I think its unquestionable the impact that the show has had not only on my career but many of the principal cast. The climate was very different at that time than it is now in terms of the availability of roles for people of colour in the business. So it was quite an anomaly to see a show that would require a predominantly black cast. That in itself was unusual and something that caught the attention of us all.
But there were detractors, she adds. One thing that was disappointing was the city officials. They really were not pleased with the depiction of Baltimore and some of them took the storylines personally. David has always said the issues and stories of The Wire exist nationally.
Bodies hangout: DAngelo Preston, eight, outside the Honey Carry-Out store the spot where Bodie was killed in season four. Photograph: JM Giordano
Baltimore is the Maryland city where Francis Scott Key wrote The Star Spangled Banner, Edgar Allan Poe is buried and, in 1910, the first residential racial segregation law in any US city was enacted. Once a thriving port, hundreds of thousands of small, two-storey terraced houses were built in the Victorian era as the population climbed to a million. But since the mid-20th century that number plunged and now stands at 614,664, according to the US Census Bureau the lowest for nearly 100 years.
The series, though mostly set in the west of the city, was largely filmed in the east because the number of trees in the west made it awkward to shoot through changing seasons. Numerous houses still lie abandoned and boarded up, a few with roofs collapsed under their own weight. Pavements are cracked and smeared with graffiti. Broken bottles and other rubbish pile in gutters. On a typical Sunday afternoon, a patrol car crawls by, an officers tattooed arm trailing out of a window. At night, strobing police lights are alarmingly routine.
In Greenmount West, at what was Bodies corner in the series, customers have to be buzzed in to the Honey Carry Out convenience store. Inside, most of the products M&Ms, Starburst, Skittles, earphones, Butterfinger, Almond Joy, Mounds, KitKats, Snickers, Hersheys, Dove soap, Colgate toothpaste are piled behind bulletproof glass like an art installation. All transactions are final. No refund, says a scrawled sign. Making a purchase requires placing money on a turntable, which revolves to exchange it for the product, a process reminiscent of jail.
Nearby, when we approach one resident, he explains that he returned here last year after a stretch of 24 years in prison and does not want to talk.
Yet this neighbourhood, designated an arts and entertainment district, is slowly but surely gentrifying. The school had shut down in 2001, before The Wire film crew moved in. The building was vandalised, had asbestos and copper pipes removed and was used as a homeless shelter in the winter of 2007. The following year, the Montessori school took over.
Today the colourful jungle gyms and live chickens in its backyard are a world away from the grim vision of ill discipline and desperate teachers seen in The Wire. Allison Shecter, its founder and director, says: We have younger kids here whose parents come from every zipcode in the city. We do bring kids in at every age. They come in when it [their schooling] isnt working : they have a hard shell so it takes a while to win their trust. Even when they come in at eighth grade, its transformational.
The Montessori has 425 pupils and a waiting list of 1,200. It draws pupils by lottery from across the city, many from middle-class homes, while kids in the surrounding, struggling neighbourhood often do not make it and go to Dallas F Nicholas instead. The dynamic has provoked debate about parental choice, the lack of resources for government schools and the dangers of rivalries.
Shecter, 47, says: Families are looking for choice. If there are schools struggling, I think looking at why schools are struggling and helping them needs to be the answer rather than pitting them against each other.
She acknowledges that Greenmount West continues to have problems. Its still very much a neighbourhood in transition: there are still drugs and gangs. There was a hold-up with a gun at eight oclock yesterday morning. Crime in Baltimore is out of control.
But Tina Knox, 57, whose nearby backyard also featured in The Wire, is upbeat. At one point in time this community was down to nothing, she says. You dont know if a fights going to break out or theyre going to start shooting. But once they started tearing down the vacant properties, investors started coming in, buying the houses and fixing them up. The community is coming back up. Now you couldnt pay me to live in any other neighbourhood.
Cuttys boxing gym: the building that housed this location is now derelict. Photograph: JM Giordano
Her friend Stewart Watson has lived here for 15 years and runs an art gallery. Today she is out walking her two great danes. I didnt watch The Wire because I felt I was living it, Watson recalls. It wasnt relaxing to me because of what was happening in my community at the time. The one about schools would probably break my heart.
The closure of the school was a heavy blow, she recalls. All the kids got sent to other schools. Not having a school in the neighbourhood was really tough. It changes the dynamics of the families and breaks up the camaraderie of a neighbourhood. It was the school where Tina went: that kind of loss you cant recover from.
Watson, 48, is optimistic but also worried about the future of Greenmount West. There are difficulties with the gentrification process that any community has. Gentrification is a half-dirty word. Ive said if it means I dont have spinning bulletproof glass up the street, thats great. Its about whats fair and accessible: the racial divide that plagues this city were still trying to figure out.
A short drive away, reminders of that divide are everywhere at some of The Wires most fondly remembered locations. The boxing gym where Dennis Cutty Wise (Chad Coleman) gets back on the straight and narrow is abandoned, its windows broken, cesspools and debris on the concrete floor, the silhouette of a boxer painted on the wall a reminder of its ghosts. (There is talk of a food co-op moving in.)
The TV repair shop that was run by drug kingpin Proposition Joe and the bar that belonged to Omars confidante Butchie have both closed down. Michelle Sponaugle, 53, whose father owned the latter, says: It makes me sad. I used to work behind the bar. We had a good clientele but the crime got rough down here. My father had a gun put to his head a couple of times so we put up a bulletproof wall.
And the convenience store where Omar, the seemingly invincible stick-up man (You come at the king, you best not miss), was gunned down by a boy has vanished altogether after a blaze set off by the unrest of 2015 and the construction of an apartment complex for the elderly. Over the road is a park bench that proclaims without a hint of irony: Baltimore: the greatest city in America.
One of its occupants, Alfred McDaniel, 59, says he never saw the series because he does not watch TV. Time is too valuable to waste so why would I do something like TV? Im in a house that should be condemned, so why would I watch TV? Im in court trying to get them to fix it. I need surgery but Im trying to deal with the rats and the mice. Where I live, the stupid landlord wont even fix the goddam door.
McDaniel, a home repair man on medical leave, is in his fifth home in five years in the city. I aint seen no improvement in Baltimore. You call the police to report a crime and they tell you theyre not going to file a report, so what police can you depend on in this city? So the next person who breaks in your room, you should kill them.
Beside him is John Williams, 56, who used to work on the docks, which featured in the shows second season. He says: Baltimore is struggling the same. Its good for some people but if you live on this side of town its not that good. Houses have been vacant a long time so theres no reason for homelessness in Baltimore. The city could try to renovate these houses and make them affordable to people.
Sonja Sohn (detective Kima Greggs) now helps children break the cycle of crime. Photograph: Icon Sports Wire/Corbis via Getty Images
Williams says that, in his first week as a resident of Baltimore in 2013, some 35 people were killed. The cops are overwhelmed to a certain degree. Relations are strained. The community doesnt believe in the cops. There are people who know who committed murders but they dont want to come forward. Youve got murderers walking among you and its dangerous, basically. If youre working as a taxi, youve got to be careful where to pick up.
Similar sentiments are expressed in another neighbourhood by Janet Worsley, 57. They still have gangs and mobs. You take your life in your hands if you walk these streets at a certain time of night. If I get off work, I walk home, but to come out otherwise? No. She describes an incident when her car was stopped by police. All I could do was humble myself: Sorry, officer. Im still afraid for my son being mishandled by police because he has a mental illness.
For Sonja Sohn, such issues resonate with her own childhood and remain intensely personal. After production wrapped on the fifth and final season she co-founded ReWired for Change, a Baltimore-based nonprofit organisation that works to help young people break the cycle of crime. It often uses cast members and material from the show to get its message across.
For a while, it seemed this portrait of a city in crisis might sting officials into action, but the power of art has its limits. Sohn says: I think that the city leadership did begin to make an effort to look at the issues that The Wire brought to life, particularly because of the fourth season, which focused on the children and the schools.
As much as the city leadership couldnt stand The Wire, they were forced to address the issues because, I believe, they wanted to prove that their city was better than what was depicted. So ultimately The Wire impacted this city in a positive way in my opinion.
But then came a hammer blow that appeared to destroy any putative gains made in crime reduction and community-police relations in Baltimore. Freddie Gray, a 25-year-old African American, died of neck injuries suffered in police custody in April 2015. The city erupted in weeks of mass demonstrations and a day of rioting. Six police officers were charged in connection with Grays death but none was convicted. A justice department report found a huge racial disparity in enforcement, especially in stops, searches and discretionary misdemeanour arrests, including those of people congregating on street corners. It also observed that residents believe there are two Baltimores one wealthy and largely white, the second impoverished and predominantly black.
Sohn says: I was not surprised but the most visceral reaction I had was one of support of the people. I was so tired of pounding the pavement, of spending my extra time and extra dimes to help lift up under-served communities in Baltimore. After I started the nonprofit, I started to see how challenging that work is, and I also started to see how it quite possibly is this never-ending clusterfuck. I had stepped away to reassess how I could be useful, in fact, when the whole Freddie Gray situation happened.
When I saw the people rise up and express their anger in the way that they did even though I did not want the city to burn down, I did not want lives to be lost the very core of me said, what else could they do to get your attention? To let you know you serve them? That you have not served them for decades, and theyre not tolerating it any more? They put you in office, the city taxpayers pay their salaries, and theyre not being served. And when talking no longer works, what else do the people have?
That part of me said, burn it down, burn the whole motherfucker down. If theyre not going to fucking listen, burn it. Theres that revolutionary radical in me. But at the same time thats more of a sense than it is an intellectual choice Im telling people to make. Im saying yes, act from that sense. We dont want them to take it literally but I see you acting from that sense and, symbolically, this is what we need to do. We just need to find a way to do it differently.
Relations with the police remain strained despite efforts and initiatives on both sides. Sohn is eager to dispel the myth that young men hanging out on streets corners or residents sitting on stoops outside their homes are all selling drugs. I think what people dont understand is when you live in these communities, this is your tribe, this is your home, the streets are a part of your property, its a part of your culture.
Omars death: Alfred McDaniel, 59, stands across the street from the location of the shop where Omar was shot dead in season five. The building burned down during the riots following the death of Freddie Gray in Baltimore in 2015. Photograph: JM Giordano
We sit on the stoops, we say Hey! to Miss Mary down the street and see the little kids coming home. If theres a fight, somebody jumps off the stoop and runs and breaks up the fight. We might not use drugs or deal drugs but we know the drug dealer, we babysat him when he was eight. Or maybe we know hes 20 and hes dealing drugs but we went to school with him He was in my eighth grade class. These are just people we know. We know your mama, I date your sister, she cool.
Whats going on on the street isnt always drug dealing. Its a community thats gathering and taking care of itself. If you dont understand it and youre only looking at TV, what youre thinking is people are dealing drugs and everybodys just depressed and sitting on the stoop drinking beer. And though that may be there, it is certainly not all of whats there. Theres a community gathering and communing with one another.
Nevertheless, the toxic mix of drugs, firearms and joblessness chronicled by The Wire in 2002 still persists. Last month, the mayor of Baltimore, Catherine Pugh, appealed to the FBI for extra help to combat the soaring homicide rate, explaining: Murder is out of control. There are too many guns on the streets.
Rafael Alvarez, an author and screenwriter who worked on the show, writes in an email: The rich and cruel supply of American fucked-up-ness will never run dry in Baltimore, so yes, The Wire could be made 15 years after it originally aired. I suspect give or take 50 homicides and a new wave of corruption and ignorance it could be made again 15 years from today.
Olesker is similarly short on optimism about the citys future. I think you could do the same show today. Its still out there on the street corners: you can go to countless neighbourhoods and see street after street of abandoned houses that have sat there for years.
Youve got all these kids who are rootless, who dont have families, who are joining gangs. Theyre figuring out very early the game is stacked against them. Theyre not going to get to college like middle-class kids do, so they have a choice: they can work in McDonalds for $10 an hour or they can make multiples of that from the drug trade, and theres no mother or father around to tell them otherwise.
Indeed, Donald Trumps pledge to be a law and order president stressing blue lives matter rather than black lives matter, and his attorney general Jeff Sessionss retro approach to tough sentencing only seem likely to fan the flames in Baltimore, a majority black, staunchly Democratic city. The Wire was sometimes accused of implying that its characters were locked in a hopeless cycle; events seem to bear out this sense of fatalism.
But Kwame Kwei-Armah offers hope. One of the things Ive learned since Ive been here is that people of Baltimore care about Baltimore in a rather profound way. Im talking about the philanthropic community in particular: they actually put their money back into the community. Community means something, and Im not just saying that to blow smoke. We had to raise $36m in order to renovate our theatre and we were able to do that in what is a relatively small city. Were not the only people out with a capital campaign. Actually, after the uprisings of 2015, there was a lot of money that came from within Baltimore to start looking at creating solutions for the problems that are endemic here.
Sonja Sohn, too, feels some optimism. Ive been around, Ive been on the planet a little while, she says. I never trusted the establishment anyway so the face we are seeing now is not a surprise, and Ive also been around long enough to see people and movements come and go. By no means do I believe that evolution goes backwards. Evolution goes forwards. No human being can defy the laws of nature, so Im not worried about Donald Trump and Im not worried about Jeff Sessions. Im on my mission, Im on my grind, Im on my purpose and we are all collectively moving forward, I guarantee you that.
from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/progress-is-painfully-uneven-baltimore-15-years-after-the-wire/
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trendingnewsb · 7 years ago
Text
The shorter your sleep, the shorter your life: the new sleep science
Leading neuroscientist Matthew Walker on why sleep deprivation is increasing our risk of cancer, heart attack and Alzheimers and what you can do about it
Matthew Walker has learned to dread the question What do you do? At parties, it signals the end of his evening; thereafter, his new acquaintance will inevitably cling to him like ivy. On an aeroplane, it usually means that while everyone else watches movies or reads a thriller, he will find himself running an hours-long salon for the benefit of passengers and crew alike. Ive begun to lie, he says. Seriously. I just tell people Im a dolphin trainer. Its better for everyone.
Walker is a sleep scientist. To be specific, he is the director of the Center for Human Sleep Science at the University of California, Berkeley, a research institute whose goal possibly unachievable is to understand everything about sleeps impact on us, from birth to death, in sickness and health. No wonder, then, that people long for his counsel. As the line between work and leisure grows ever more blurred, rare is the person who doesnt worry about their sleep. But even as we contemplate the shadows beneath our eyes, most of us dont know the half of it and perhaps this is the real reason he has stopped telling strangers how he makes his living. When Walker talks about sleep he cant, in all conscience, limit himself to whispering comforting nothings about camomile tea and warm baths. Its his conviction that we are in the midst of a catastrophic sleep-loss epidemic, the consequences of which are far graver than any of us could imagine. This situation, he believes, is only likely to change if government gets involved.
Walker has spent the last four and a half years writing Why We Sleep, a complex but urgent book that examines the effects of this epidemic close up, the idea being that once people know of the powerful links between sleep loss and, among other things, Alzheimers disease, cancer, diabetes, obesity and poor mental health, they will try harder to get the recommended eight hours a night (sleep deprivation, amazing as this may sound to Donald Trump types, constitutes anything less than seven hours). But, in the end, the individual can achieve only so much. Walker wants major institutions and law-makers to take up his ideas, too. No aspect of our biology is left unscathed by sleep deprivation, he says. It sinks down into every possible nook and cranny. And yet no one is doing anything about it. Things have to change: in the workplace and our communities, our homes and families. But when did you ever see an NHS poster urging sleep on people? When did a doctor prescribe, not sleeping pills, but sleep itself? It needs to be prioritised, even incentivised. Sleep loss costs the UK economy over 30bn a year in lost revenue, or 2% of GDP. I could double the NHS budget if only they would institute policies to mandate or powerfully encourage sleep.
Why, exactly, are we so sleep-deprived? What has happened over the course of the last 75 years? In 1942, less than 8% of the population was trying to survive on six hours or less sleep a night; in 2017, almost one in two people is. The reasons are seemingly obvious. First, we electrified the night, Walker says. Light is a profound degrader of our sleep. Second, there is the issue of work: not only the porous borders between when you start and finish, but longer commuter times, too. No one wants to give up time with their family or entertainment, so they give up sleep instead. And anxiety plays a part. Were a lonelier, more depressed society. Alcohol and caffeine are more widely available. All these are the enemies of sleep.
But Walker believes, too, that in the developed world sleep is strongly associated with weakness, even shame. We have stigmatised sleep with the label of laziness. We want to seem busy, and one way we express that is by proclaiming how little sleep were getting. Its a badge of honour. When I give lectures, people will wait behind until there is no one around and then tell me quietly: I seem to be one of those people who need eight or nine hours sleep. Its embarrassing to say it in public. They would rather wait 45 minutes for the confessional. Theyre convinced that theyre abnormal, and why wouldnt they be? We chastise people for sleeping what are, after all, only sufficient amounts. We think of them as slothful. No one would look at an infant baby asleep, and say What a lazy baby! We know sleeping is non-negotiable for a baby. But that notion is quickly abandoned [as we grow up]. Humans are the only species that deliberately deprive themselves of sleep for no apparent reason. In case youre wondering, the number of people who can survive on five hours of sleep or less without any impairment, expressed as a percent of the population and rounded to a whole number, is zero.
The world of sleep science is still relatively small. But it is growing exponentially, thanks both to demand (the multifarious and growing pressures caused by the epidemic) and to new technology (such as electrical and magnetic brain stimulators), which enables researchers to have what Walker describes as VIP access to the sleeping brain. Walker, who is 44 and was born in Liverpool, has been in the field for more than 20 years, having published his first research paper at the age of just 21. I would love to tell you that I was fascinated by conscious states from childhood, he says. But in truth, it was accidental. He started out studying for a medical degree in Nottingham. But having discovered that doctoring wasnt for him he was more enthralled by questions than by answers he switched to neuroscience, and after graduation, began a PhD in neurophysiology supported by the Medical Research Council. It was while working on this that he stumbled into the realm of sleep.
Matthew Walker photographed in his sleep lab. Photograph: Saroyan Humphrey for the Observer
I was looking at the brainwave patterns of people with different forms of dementia, but I was failing miserably at finding any difference between them, he recalls now. One night, however, he read a scientific paper that changed everything. It described which parts of the brain were being attacked by these different types of dementia: Some were attacking parts of the brain that had to do with controlled sleep, while other types left those sleep centres unaffected. I realised my mistake. I had been measuring the brainwave activity of my patients while they were awake, when I should have been doing so while they were asleep. Over the next six months, Walker taught himself how to set up a sleep laboratory and, sure enough, the recordings he made in it subsequently spoke loudly of a clear difference between patients. Sleep, it seemed, could be a new early diagnostic litmus test for different subtypes of dementia.
After this, sleep became his obsession. Only then did I ask: what is this thing called sleep, and what does it do? I was always curious, annoyingly so, but when I started to read about sleep, I would look up and hours would have gone by. No one could answer the simple question: why do we sleep? That seemed to me to be the greatest scientific mystery. I was going to attack it, and I was going to do that in two years. But I was naive. I didnt realise that some of the greatest scientific minds had been trying to do the same thing for their entire careers. That was two decades ago, and Im still cracking away. After gaining his doctorate, he moved to the US. Formerly a professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, he is now professor of neuroscience and psychology at the University of California.
Does his obsession extend to the bedroom? Does he take his own advice when it comes to sleep? Yes. I give myself a non-negotiable eight-hour sleep opportunity every night, and I keep very regular hours: if there is one thing I tell people, its to go to bed and to wake up at the same time every day, no matter what. I take my sleep incredibly seriously because I have seen the evidence. Once you know that after just one night of only four or five hours sleep, your natural killer cells the ones that attack the cancer cells that appear in your body every day drop by 70%, or that a lack of sleep is linked to cancer of the bowel, prostate and breast, or even just that the World Health Organisation has classed any form of night-time shift work as a probable carcinogen, how could you do anything else?
There is, however, a sting in the tale. Should his eyelids fail to close, Walker admits that he can be a touch Woody Allen-neurotic. When, for instance, he came to London over the summer, he found himself jet-lagged and wide awake in his hotel room at two oclock in the morning. His problem then, as always in these situations, was that he knew too much. His brain began to race. I thought: my orexin isnt being turned off, the sensory gate of my thalamus is wedged open, my dorsolateral prefrontal cortex wont shut down, and my melatonin surge wont happen for another seven hours. What did he do? In the end, it seems, even world experts in sleep act just like the rest of us when struck by the curse of insomnia. He turned on a light and read for a while.
Will Why We Sleep have the impact its author hopes? Im not sure: the science bits, it must be said, require some concentration. But what I can tell you is that it had a powerful effect on me. After reading it, I was absolutely determined to go to bed earlier a regime to which I am sticking determinedly. In a way, I was prepared for this. I first encountered Walker some months ago, when he spoke at an event at Somerset House in London, and he struck me then as both passionate and convincing (our later interview takes place via Skype from the basement of his sleep centre, a spot which, with its bedrooms off a long corridor, apparently resembles the ward of a private hospital). But in another way, it was unexpected. I am mostly immune to health advice. Inside my head, there is always a voice that says just enjoy life while it lasts.
The evidence Walker presents, however, is enough to send anyone early to bed. Its no kind of choice at all. Without sleep, there is low energy and disease. With sleep, there is vitality and health. More than 20 large scale epidemiological studies all report the same clear relationship: the shorter your sleep, the shorter your life. To take just one example, adults aged 45 years or older who sleep less than six hours a night are 200% more likely to have a heart attack or stroke in their lifetime, as compared with those sleeping seven or eight hours a night (part of the reason for this has to do with blood pressure: even just one night of modest sleep reduction will speed the rate of a persons heart, hour upon hour, and significantly increase their blood pressure).
A lack of sleep also appears to hijack the bodys effective control of blood sugar, the cells of the sleep-deprived appearing, in experiments, to become less responsive to insulin, and thus to cause a prediabetic state of hyperglycaemia. When your sleep becomes short, moreover, you are susceptible to weight gain. Among the reasons for this are the fact that inadequate sleep decreases levels of the satiety-signalling hormone, leptin, and increases levels of the hunger-signalling hormone, ghrelin. Im not going to say that the obesity crisis is caused by the sleep-loss epidemic alone, says Walker. Its not. However, processed food and sedentary lifestyles do not adequately explain its rise. Something is missing. Its now clear that sleep is that third ingredient. Tiredness, of course, also affects motivation.
Sleep has a powerful effect on the immune system, which is why, when we have flu, our first instinct is to go to bed: our body is trying to sleep itself well. Reduce sleep even for a single night, and your resilience is drastically reduced. If you are tired, you are more likely to catch a cold. The well-rested also respond better to the flu vaccine. As Walker has already said, more gravely, studies show that short sleep can affect our cancer-fighting immune cells. A number of epidemiological studies have reported that night-time shift work and the disruption to circadian sleep and rhythms that it causes increase the odds of developing cancers including breast, prostate, endometrium and colon.
Getting too little sleep across the adult lifespan will significantly raise your risk of developing Alzheimers disease. The reasons for this are difficult to summarise, but in essence it has to do with the amyloid deposits (a toxin protein) that accumulate in the brains of those suffering from the disease, killing the surrounding cells. During deep sleep, such deposits are effectively cleaned from the brain. What occurs in an Alzheimers patient is a kind of vicious circle. Without sufficient sleep, these plaques build up, especially in the brains deep-sleep-generating regions, attacking and degrading them. The loss of deep sleep caused by this assault therefore lessens our ability to remove them from the brain at night. More amyloid, less deep sleep; less deep sleep, more amyloid, and so on. (In his book, Walker notes unscientifically that he has always found it curious that Margaret Thatcher and Ronald Reagan, both of whom were vocal about how little sleep they needed, both went on to develop the disease; it is, moreover, a myth that older adults need less sleep.) Away from dementia, sleep aids our ability to make new memories, and restores our capacity for learning.
And then there is sleeps effect on mental health. When your mother told you that everything would look better in the morning, she was wise. Walkers book includes a long section on dreams (which, says Walker, contrary to Dr Freud, cannot be analysed). Here he details the various ways in which the dream state connects to creativity. He also suggests that dreaming is a soothing balm. If we sleep to remember (see above), then we also sleep to forget. Deep sleep the part when we begin to dream is a therapeutic state during which we cast off the emotional charge of our experiences, making them easier to bear. Sleep, or a lack of it, also affects our mood more generally. Brain scans carried out by Walker revealed a 60% amplification in the reactivity of the amygdala a key spot for triggering anger and rage in those who were sleep-deprived. In children, sleeplessness has been linked to aggression and bullying; in adolescents, to suicidal thoughts. Insufficient sleep is also associated with relapse in addiction disorders. A prevailing view in psychiatry is that mental disorders cause sleep disruption. But Walker believes it is, in fact, a two-way street. Regulated sleep can improve the health of, for instance, those with bipolar disorder.
Ive mentioned deep sleep in this (too brief) summary several times. What is it, exactly? We sleep in 90-minute cycles, and its only towards the end of each one of these that we go into deep sleep. Each cycle comprises two kinds of sleep. First, there is NREM sleep (non-rapid eye movement sleep); this is then followed by REM (rapid eye movement) sleep. When Walker talks about these cycles, which still have their mysteries, his voice changes. He sounds bewitched, almost dazed.
During NREM sleep, your brain goes into this incredible synchronised pattern of rhythmic chanting, he says. Theres a remarkable unity across the surface of the brain, like a deep, slow mantra. Researchers were once fooled that this state was similar to a coma. But nothing could be further from the truth. Vast amounts of memory processing is going on. To produce these brainwaves, hundreds of thousands of cells all sing together, and then go silent, and on and on. Meanwhile, your body settles into this lovely low state of energy, the best blood-pressure medicine you could ever hope for. REM sleep, on the other hand, is sometimes known as paradoxical sleep, because the brain patterns are identical to when youre awake. Its an incredibly active brain state. Your heart and nervous system go through spurts of activity: were still not exactly sure why.
Does the 90-minute cycle mean that so-called power naps are worthless? They can take the edge off basic sleepiness. But you need 90 minutes to get to deep sleep, and one cycle isnt enough to do all the work. You need four or five cycles to get all the benefit. Is it possible to have too much sleep? This is unclear. There is no good evidence at the moment. But I do think 14 hours is too much. Too much water can kill you, and too much food, and I think ultimately the same will prove to be true for sleep. How is it possible to tell if a person is sleep-deprived? Walker thinks we should trust our instincts. Those who would sleep on if their alarm clock was turned off are simply not getting enough. Ditto those who need caffeine in the afternoon to stay awake. I see it all the time, he says. I get on a flight at 10am when people should be at peak alert, and I look around, and half of the plane has immediately fallen asleep.
So what can the individual do? First, they should avoid pulling all-nighters, at their desks or on the dancefloor. After being awake for 19 hours, youre as cognitively impaired as someone who is drunk. Second, they should start thinking about sleep as a kind of work, like going to the gym (with the key difference that it is both free and, if youre me, enjoyable). People use alarms to wake up, Walker says. So why dont we have a bedtime alarm to tell us weve got half an hour, that we should start cycling down? We should start thinking of midnight more in terms of its original meaning: as the middle of the night. Schools should consider later starts for students; such delays correlate with improved IQs. Companies should think about rewarding sleep. Productivity will rise, and motivation, creativity and even levels of honesty will be improved. Sleep can be measured using tracking devices, and some far-sighted companies in the US already give employees time off if they clock enough of it. Sleeping pills, by the way, are to be avoided. Among other things, they can have a deleterious effect on memory.
Those who are focused on so-called clean sleep are determined to outlaw mobiles and computers from the bedroom and quite right, too, given the effect of LED-emitting devices on melatonin, the sleep-inducing hormone. Ultimately, though, Walker believes that technology will be sleeps saviour. There is going to be a revolution in the quantified self in industrial nations, he says. We will know everything about our bodies from one day to the next in high fidelity. That will be a seismic shift, and we will then start to develop methods by which we can amplify different components of human sleep, and do that from the bedside. Sleep will come to be seen as a preventive medicine.
What questions does Walker still most want to answer? For a while, he is quiet. Its so difficult, he says, with a sigh. There are so many. I would still like to know where we go, psychologically and physiologically, when we dream. Dreaming is the second state of human consciousness, and we have only scratched the surface so far. But I would also like to find out when sleep emerged. I like to posit a ridiculous theory, which is: perhaps sleep did not evolve. Perhaps it was the thing from which wakefulness emerged. He laughs. If I could have some kind of medical Tardis and go back in time to look at that, well, I would sleep better at night.
Why We Sleep: The New Science of Sleep and Dreamsby Matthew Walker is published by Allen Lane (20). To order a copy for 17 go toguardianbookshop.com or call 0330 333 6846. Free UK p&p over 10, online orders only. Phone orders min p&p of 1.99
Sleep in numbers
Two-thirds of adults in developed nations fail to obtain the nightly eight hours of sleep recommended by the World Health Organisation.
An adult sleeping only 6.75 hours a night would be predicted to live only to their early 60s without medical intervention.
A 2013 study reported that men who slept too little had a sperm count 29% lower than those who regularly get a full and restful nights sleep.
If you drive a car when you have had less than five hours sleep, you are 4.3 times more likely to be involved in a crash. If you drive having had four hours, you are 11.5 times more likely to be involved in an accident.
A hot bath aids sleep not because it makes you warm, but because your dilated blood vessels radiate inner heat, and your core body temperature drops. To successfully initiate sleep, your core temperature needs to drop about 1C.
The time taken to reach physical exhaustion by athletes who obtain anything less than eight hours of sleep, and especially less than six hours, drops by 10-30%.
There are now more than 100 diagnosed sleep disorders, of which insomnia is the mostcommon.
Morning types, who prefer to awake at or around dawn, make up about 40% of the population. Evening types, who prefer to go to bed late and wake up late, account for about 30%. The remaining 30% lie somewhere in between.
Read more: http://ift.tt/2weQZrI
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shg11 · 7 years ago
Link
Leading neuroscientist Matthew Walker on why sleep deprivation is increasing our risk of cancer, heart attack and Alzheimers and what you can do about it
Tumblr media
Matthew Walker has learned to dread the question What do you do? At parties, it signals the end of his evening; thereafter, his new acquaintance will inevitably cling to him like ivy. On an aeroplane, it usually means that while everyone else watches movies or reads a thriller, he will find himself running an hours-long salon for the benefit of passengers and crew alike. Ive begun to lie, he says. Seriously. I just tell people Im a dolphin trainer. Its better for everyone.
Walker is a sleep scientist. To be specific, he is the director of the Center for Human Sleep Science at the University of California, Berkeley, a research institute whose goal possibly unachievable is to understand everything about sleeps impact on us, from birth to death, in sickness and health. No wonder, then, that people long for his counsel. As the line between work and leisure grows ever more blurred, rare is the person who doesnt worry about their sleep. But even as we contemplate the shadows beneath our eyes, most of us dont know the half of it and perhaps this is the real reason he has stopped telling strangers how he makes his living. When Walker talks about sleep he cant, in all conscience, limit himself to whispering comforting nothings about camomile tea and warm baths. Its his conviction that we are in the midst of a catastrophic sleep-loss epidemic, the consequences of which are far graver than any of us could imagine. This situation, he believes, is only likely to change if government gets involved.
Walker has spent the last four and a half years writing Why We Sleep, a complex but urgent book that examines the effects of this epidemic close up, the idea being that once people know of the powerful links between sleep loss and, among other things, Alzheimers disease, cancer, diabetes, obesity and poor mental health, they will try harder to get the recommended eight hours a night (sleep deprivation, amazing as this may sound to Donald Trump types, constitutes anything less than seven hours). But, in the end, the individual can achieve only so much. Walker wants major institutions and law-makers to take up his ideas, too. No aspect of our biology is left unscathed by sleep deprivation, he says. It sinks down into every possible nook and cranny. And yet no one is doing anything about it. Things have to change: in the workplace and our communities, our homes and families. But when did you ever see an NHS poster urging sleep on people? When did a doctor prescribe, not sleeping pills, but sleep itself? It needs to be prioritised, even incentivised. Sleep loss costs the UK economy over 30bn a year in lost revenue, or 2% of GDP. I could double the NHS budget if only they would institute policies to mandate or powerfully encourage sleep.
Why, exactly, are we so sleep-deprived? What has happened over the course of the last 75 years? In 1942, less than 8% of the population was trying to survive on six hours or less sleep a night; in 2017, almost one in two people is. The reasons are seemingly obvious. First, we electrified the night, Walker says. Light is a profound degrader of our sleep. Second, there is the issue of work: not only the porous borders between when you start and finish, but longer commuter times, too. No one wants to give up time with their family or entertainment, so they give up sleep instead. And anxiety plays a part. Were a lonelier, more depressed society. Alcohol and caffeine are more widely available. All these are the enemies of sleep.
But Walker believes, too, that in the developed world sleep is strongly associated with weakness, even shame. We have stigmatised sleep with the label of laziness. We want to seem busy, and one way we express that is by proclaiming how little sleep were getting. Its a badge of honour. When I give lectures, people will wait behind until there is no one around and then tell me quietly: I seem to be one of those people who need eight or nine hours sleep. Its embarrassing to say it in public. They would rather wait 45 minutes for the confessional. Theyre convinced that theyre abnormal, and why wouldnt they be? We chastise people for sleeping what are, after all, only sufficient amounts. We think of them as slothful. No one would look at an infant baby asleep, and say What a lazy baby! We know sleeping is non-negotiable for a baby. But that notion is quickly abandoned [as we grow up]. Humans are the only species that deliberately deprive themselves of sleep for no apparent reason. In case youre wondering, the number of people who can survive on five hours of sleep or less without any impairment, expressed as a percent of the population and rounded to a whole number, is zero.
The world of sleep science is still relatively small. But it is growing exponentially, thanks both to demand (the multifarious and growing pressures caused by the epidemic) and to new technology (such as electrical and magnetic brain stimulators), which enables researchers to have what Walker describes as VIP access to the sleeping brain. Walker, who is 44 and was born in Liverpool, has been in the field for more than 20 years, having published his first research paper at the age of just 21. I would love to tell you that I was fascinated by conscious states from childhood, he says. But in truth, it was accidental. He started out studying for a medical degree in Nottingham. But having discovered that doctoring wasnt for him he was more enthralled by questions than by answers he switched to neuroscience, and after graduation, began a PhD in neurophysiology supported by the Medical Research Council. It was while working on this that he stumbled into the realm of sleep.
Tumblr media
Matthew Walker photographed in his sleep lab. Photograph: Saroyan Humphrey for the Observer
I was looking at the brainwave patterns of people with different forms of dementia, but I was failing miserably at finding any difference between them, he recalls now. One night, however, he read a scientific paper that changed everything. It described which parts of the brain were being attacked by these different types of dementia: Some were attacking parts of the brain that had to do with controlled sleep, while other types left those sleep centres unaffected. I realised my mistake. I had been measuring the brainwave activity of my patients while they were awake, when I should have been doing so while they were asleep. Over the next six months, Walker taught himself how to set up a sleep laboratory and, sure enough, the recordings he made in it subsequently spoke loudly of a clear difference between patients. Sleep, it seemed, could be a new early diagnostic litmus test for different subtypes of dementia.
After this, sleep became his obsession. Only then did I ask: what is this thing called sleep, and what does it do? I was always curious, annoyingly so, but when I started to read about sleep, I would look up and hours would have gone by. No one could answer the simple question: why do we sleep? That seemed to me to be the greatest scientific mystery. I was going to attack it, and I was going to do that in two years. But I was naive. I didnt realise that some of the greatest scientific minds had been trying to do the same thing for their entire careers. That was two decades ago, and Im still cracking away. After gaining his doctorate, he moved to the US. Formerly a professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, he is now professor of neuroscience and psychology at the University of California.
Does his obsession extend to the bedroom? Does he take his own advice when it comes to sleep? Yes. I give myself a non-negotiable eight-hour sleep opportunity every night, and I keep very regular hours: if there is one thing I tell people, its to go to bed and to wake up at the same time every day, no matter what. I take my sleep incredibly seriously because I have seen the evidence. Once you know that after just one night of only four or five hours sleep, your natural killer cells the ones that attack the cancer cells that appear in your body every day drop by 70%, or that a lack of sleep is linked to cancer of the bowel, prostate and breast, or even just that the World Health Organisation has classed any form of night-time shift work as a probable carcinogen, how could you do anything else?
There is, however, a sting in the tale. Should his eyelids fail to close, Walker admits that he can be a touch Woody Allen-neurotic. When, for instance, he came to London over the summer, he found himself jet-lagged and wide awake in his hotel room at two oclock in the morning. His problem then, as always in these situations, was that he knew too much. His brain began to race. I thought: my orexin isnt being turned off, the sensory gate of my thalamus is wedged open, my dorsolateral prefrontal cortex wont shut down, and my melatonin surge wont happen for another seven hours. What did he do? In the end, it seems, even world experts in sleep act just like the rest of us when struck by the curse of insomnia. He turned on a light and read for a while.
Will Why We Sleep have the impact its author hopes? Im not sure: the science bits, it must be said, require some concentration. But what I can tell you is that it had a powerful effect on me. After reading it, I was absolutely determined to go to bed earlier a regime to which I am sticking determinedly. In a way, I was prepared for this. I first encountered Walker some months ago, when he spoke at an event at Somerset House in London, and he struck me then as both passionate and convincing (our later interview takes place via Skype from the basement of his sleep centre, a spot which, with its bedrooms off a long corridor, apparently resembles the ward of a private hospital). But in another way, it was unexpected. I am mostly immune to health advice. Inside my head, there is always a voice that says just enjoy life while it lasts.
The evidence Walker presents, however, is enough to send anyone early to bed. Its no kind of choice at all. Without sleep, there is low energy and disease. With sleep, there is vitality and health. More than 20 large scale epidemiological studies all report the same clear relationship: the shorter your sleep, the shorter your life. To take just one example, adults aged 45 years or older who sleep less than six hours a night are 200% more likely to have a heart attack or stroke in their lifetime, as compared with those sleeping seven or eight hours a night (part of the reason for this has to do with blood pressure: even just one night of modest sleep reduction will speed the rate of a persons heart, hour upon hour, and significantly increase their blood pressure).
A lack of sleep also appears to hijack the bodys effective control of blood sugar, the cells of the sleep-deprived appearing, in experiments, to become less responsive to insulin, and thus to cause a prediabetic state of hyperglycaemia. When your sleep becomes short, moreover, you are susceptible to weight gain. Among the reasons for this are the fact that inadequate sleep decreases levels of the satiety-signalling hormone, leptin, and increases levels of the hunger-signalling hormone, ghrelin. Im not going to say that the obesity crisis is caused by the sleep-loss epidemic alone, says Walker. Its not. However, processed food and sedentary lifestyles do not adequately explain its rise. Something is missing. Its now clear that sleep is that third ingredient. Tiredness, of course, also affects motivation.
Sleep has a powerful effect on the immune system, which is why, when we have flu, our first instinct is to go to bed: our body is trying to sleep itself well. Reduce sleep even for a single night, and your resilience is drastically reduced. If you are tired, you are more likely to catch a cold. The well-rested also respond better to the flu vaccine. As Walker has already said, more gravely, studies show that short sleep can affect our cancer-fighting immune cells. A number of epidemiological studies have reported that night-time shift work and the disruption to circadian sleep and rhythms that it causes increase the odds of developing cancers including breast, prostate, endometrium and colon.
Getting too little sleep across the adult lifespan will significantly raise your risk of developing Alzheimers disease. The reasons for this are difficult to summarise, but in essence it has to do with the amyloid deposits (a toxin protein) that accumulate in the brains of those suffering from the disease, killing the surrounding cells. During deep sleep, such deposits are effectively cleaned from the brain. What occurs in an Alzheimers patient is a kind of vicious circle. Without sufficient sleep, these plaques build up, especially in the brains deep-sleep-generating regions, attacking and degrading them. The loss of deep sleep caused by this assault therefore lessens our ability to remove them from the brain at night. More amyloid, less deep sleep; less deep sleep, more amyloid, and so on. (In his book, Walker notes unscientifically that he has always found it curious that Margaret Thatcher and Ronald Reagan, both of whom were vocal about how little sleep they needed, both went on to develop the disease; it is, moreover, a myth that older adults need less sleep.) Away from dementia, sleep aids our ability to make new memories, and restores our capacity for learning.
And then there is sleeps effect on mental health. When your mother told you that everything would look better in the morning, she was wise. Walkers book includes a long section on dreams (which, says Walker, contrary to Dr Freud, cannot be analysed). Here he details the various ways in which the dream state connects to creativity. He also suggests that dreaming is a soothing balm. If we sleep to remember (see above), then we also sleep to forget. Deep sleep the part when we begin to dream is a therapeutic state during which we cast off the emotional charge of our experiences, making them easier to bear. Sleep, or a lack of it, also affects our mood more generally. Brain scans carried out by Walker revealed a 60% amplification in the reactivity of the amygdala a key spot for triggering anger and rage in those who were sleep-deprived. In children, sleeplessness has been linked to aggression and bullying; in adolescents, to suicidal thoughts. Insufficient sleep is also associated with relapse in addiction disorders. A prevailing view in psychiatry is that mental disorders cause sleep disruption. But Walker believes it is, in fact, a two-way street. Regulated sleep can improve the health of, for instance, those with bipolar disorder.
Ive mentioned deep sleep in this (too brief) summary several times. What is it, exactly? We sleep in 90-minute cycles, and its only towards the end of each one of these that we go into deep sleep. Each cycle comprises two kinds of sleep. First, there is NREM sleep (non-rapid eye movement sleep); this is then followed by REM (rapid eye movement) sleep. When Walker talks about these cycles, which still have their mysteries, his voice changes. He sounds bewitched, almost dazed.
During NREM sleep, your brain goes into this incredible synchronised pattern of rhythmic chanting, he says. Theres a remarkable unity across the surface of the brain, like a deep, slow mantra. Researchers were once fooled that this state was similar to a coma. But nothing could be further from the truth. Vast amounts of memory processing is going on. To produce these brainwaves, hundreds of thousands of cells all sing together, and then go silent, and on and on. Meanwhile, your body settles into this lovely low state of energy, the best blood-pressure medicine you could ever hope for. REM sleep, on the other hand, is sometimes known as paradoxical sleep, because the brain patterns are identical to when youre awake. Its an incredibly active brain state. Your heart and nervous system go through spurts of activity: were still not exactly sure why.
Does the 90-minute cycle mean that so-called power naps are worthless? They can take the edge off basic sleepiness. But you need 90 minutes to get to deep sleep, and one cycle isnt enough to do all the work. You need four or five cycles to get all the benefit. Is it possible to have too much sleep? This is unclear. There is no good evidence at the moment. But I do think 14 hours is too much. Too much water can kill you, and too much food, and I think ultimately the same will prove to be true for sleep. How is it possible to tell if a person is sleep-deprived? Walker thinks we should trust our instincts. Those who would sleep on if their alarm clock was turned off are simply not getting enough. Ditto those who need caffeine in the afternoon to stay awake. I see it all the time, he says. I get on a flight at 10am when people should be at peak alert, and I look around, and half of the plane has immediately fallen asleep.
So what can the individual do? First, they should avoid pulling all-nighters, at their desks or on the dancefloor. After being awake for 19 hours, youre as cognitively impaired as someone who is drunk. Second, they should start thinking about sleep as a kind of work, like going to the gym (with the key difference that it is both free and, if youre me, enjoyable). People use alarms to wake up, Walker says. So why dont we have a bedtime alarm to tell us weve got half an hour, that we should start cycling down? We should start thinking of midnight more in terms of its original meaning: as the middle of the night. Schools should consider later starts for students; such delays correlate with improved IQs. Companies should think about rewarding sleep. Productivity will rise, and motivation, creativity and even levels of honesty will be improved. Sleep can be measured using tracking devices, and some far-sighted companies in the US already give employees time off if they clock enough of it. Sleeping pills, by the way, are to be avoided. Among other things, they can have a deleterious effect on memory.
Those who are focused on so-called clean sleep are determined to outlaw mobiles and computers from the bedroom and quite right, too, given the effect of LED-emitting devices on melatonin, the sleep-inducing hormone. Ultimately, though, Walker believes that technology will be sleeps saviour. There is going to be a revolution in the quantified self in industrial nations, he says. We will know everything about our bodies from one day to the next in high fidelity. That will be a seismic shift, and we will then start to develop methods by which we can amplify different components of human sleep, and do that from the bedside. Sleep will come to be seen as a preventive medicine.
What questions does Walker still most want to answer? For a while, he is quiet. Its so difficult, he says, with a sigh. There are so many. I would still like to know where we go, psychologically and physiologically, when we dream. Dreaming is the second state of human consciousness, and we have only scratched the surface so far. But I would also like to find out when sleep emerged. I like to posit a ridiculous theory, which is: perhaps sleep did not evolve. Perhaps it was the thing from which wakefulness emerged. He laughs. If I could have some kind of medical Tardis and go back in time to look at that, well, I would sleep better at night.
Why We Sleep: The New Science of Sleep and Dreamsby Matthew Walker is published by Allen Lane (20). To order a copy for 17 go toguardianbookshop.com or call 0330 333 6846. Free UK p&p over 10, online orders only. Phone orders min p&p of 1.99
Sleep in numbers
Two-thirds of adults in developed nations fail to obtain the nightly eight hours of sleep recommended by the World Health Organisation.
An adult sleeping only 6.75 hours a night would be predicted to live only to their early 60s without medical intervention.
A 2013 study reported that men who slept too little had a sperm count 29% lower than those who regularly get a full and restful nights sleep.
If you drive a car when you have had less than five hours sleep, you are 4.3 times more likely to be involved in a crash. If you drive having had four hours, you are 11.5 times more likely to be involved in an accident.
A hot bath aids sleep not because it makes you warm, but because your dilated blood vessels radiate inner heat, and your core body temperature drops. To successfully initiate sleep, your core temperature needs to drop about 1C.
The time taken to reach physical exhaustion by athletes who obtain anything less than eight hours of sleep, and especially less than six hours, drops by 10-30%.
There are now more than 100 diagnosed sleep disorders, of which insomnia is the mostcommon.
Morning types, who prefer to awake at or around dawn, make up about 40% of the population. Evening types, who prefer to go to bed late and wake up late, account for about 30%. The remaining 30% lie somewhere in between.
Read more: https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2017/sep/24/why-lack-of-sleep-health-worst-enemy-matthew-walker-why-we-sleep
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viralhottopics · 8 years ago
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Can I forgive the man who raped me?
Thordis Elva was raped aged 16. Years later, she emailed Tom Stranger, the man who raped her, beginning a raw, painful healing process documented in their book South of Forgiveness. In this extract, they meet to find a way forward
Thordis Elvais from Iceland and known to Icelandersas a writer, playwright, journalist and public speaker. She was voted Woman of the Year 2015 by the Federation of Icelandic Womens Societies in Reykjavik for her work on gender equality, and has written a celebrated book on gender-based violence, 2009s mannamli (The Plain Truth). She currently resides in Stockholm, Sweden with her partner Vidir and their son.
Tom Stranger is Australian. He met Elva when he was 18 and on a student exchange programme in Iceland, and the pair had a relationship. Since then, he has worked in various sectors (community services, youth, outdoor recreation, charity, construction, and hospitality). For now, he is working as a landscape gardener and lives in Sydney with his wife, Cat.
From: [email protected] Sent: Saturday 21 May 2005, 5.38am To: [email protected] Subject: Words for you Thordis, I dont know where to start. When I saw your name in my inbox, my spine went cold. My memories are still as clear as day. Please believe me when I say I have not forgotten what I did, and how wary I have to be of myself. I dont know how to reply. I want to call myself sick (but I know I am not), I want to say that you are so strong, so strong to be able to write to me and recall the events and my actions. I want to thank you for not hating me, although Id like you to. It would make it easier for me. Without looking for a scratch of sympathy, I want to tell you that the events and emotions I was party to in Iceland have replayed in my head many times, usually when I am by myself for any length of time. They flash past me, vividly accurate, and then, shortly after the denial and positive character reinforcement, comes the question: Who am I? It is a dark part of my memory. Ive tried to suppress it. But this is not about me. Whatever I can do or offer you, I am more than willing. The question is where to go from here. You tell me. Tom.
*****
After eight years of analysing the violent past and its consequences in a written correspondence, Thordis and Tom decide to meet up in the middle, between their home countries of Iceland and Australia, looking to face their past once and for all.
Day one, 27 March 2013
The taxi picks me up at a quarter to five and takes me to the bus station, where Im booked on the fly-bus. The grizzled taxi driver, hoisting my suitcase into the trunk with a smooth manoeuvre, asks me where Im going.
To South Africa.
Oh, really? To Johannesburg?
No, to Cape Town, I reply, still in disbelief at my own words despite the time Ive had to adjust to the idea. It would be an understatement to say that the proposed meeting has been on my mind. Its reverberated in every step when Ive gone out for a run; its been in every breath of cold winter air that scraped the insides of my lungs; its soaked the wet washcloth I used to clean my sons sticky fingers. And Ive tried my best to push it out of my mind when making love to my fiance, enjoying his warm skin against mine.
After all, that would be a highly inappropriate time to be thinking about it.
From the moment the destination was set, I adapted to a new calendar before or after Cape Town. The last time I bought deodorant I automatically deduced that I wouldnt have to buy another one until after Cape Town. Yesterday, when snuggling down with my three-year-old son to do some painting together, spending quality time with him BC momentarily appeased my guilt for leaving him for 10 days to travel halfway across the globe to face a man from the past without any guarantee of the outcome.
Something tells me that parents of young children are not meant to take such foolhardy decisions. Thats the reason I gave up my dreams of parachuting when I fell pregnant with my son. Then again, throwing myself out of an aeroplane at 7,000 feet carries less emotional risk than taking a trip down memory lane with the man who turned my existence upside down. Because it wasnt an unknown lunatic who tore my life apart all those years ago. Who turned down the offer of medical help for me, even though I was barely conscious and vomiting convulsively. Who decided instead to rape me for two endless hours.
It was my first love.
My mothers eyes flew wide open when I told her that I was travelling alone to South Africa to meet up with the man who raped me when I was 16. She strung together a series of hair-raising worst-case scenarios before letting out a sigh, looking at me with loving reluctance, and adding: But I know its pointless to try to talk you out of things youve set your mind to, dear. Shortly thereafter, my dad interrupted my packing when he dropped by for a coffee. Despite my attempt to break the news to him in the gentlest manner possible, it didnt prevent him from freaking out. He lectured me in a thundering voice about how I was jeopardising my life for an utterly ridiculous idea.
But I have to finish this chapter of my life, I said softly. My cheeks were on fire.
Finish this chapter? he repeated, appalled, and jumped out of his chair. You dont need to travel across the globe to finish anything! This whole idea is a big pretentious drama, thats what it is!
His words hit me right where it hurts.
Youll have no control over anything. Nothing but your thoughts! Nothing else!
What do you mean? I asked, confused. Ill obviously control my actions and whereabouts.
No you wont, dear, he hissed. You cant always. If you could, then that wouldnt have happened.
We both knew what he meant by that, even though weve never talked about the incident that changed everything. In recent years, Ive spoken widely and publicly about my status as a rape survivor (though, until now, never identified the man who raped me) yet my father and I have never discussed that fateful night. He has never asked and Ive always assumed he doesnt want to know.
I sat up straight, aware of my glowing cheeks. If you reduce me to victim and him to perpetrator, I can see how this seems incomprehensible to you. But were much more than that, Dad.
He scoffed loudly before storming out of the kitchen.
I leant against the wall and let the air out of my lungs slowly. Goddamn it. I knew this would be hard, but bloody hell.
My father appeared again in the doorway, pacing up and down with frustration I knew was fuelled by fatherly love. How can you be sure youll finish anything with this nonsense? This may just as easily be the start of something else entirely! The distress in his voice made it sound like a threat.
I sat alone in the silence my father left behind and watched the dust settle. In a way, I think were both right. This trip will surely mark an end to a certain chapter of my life. What sets me apart from my father is my belief that in the next chapter, I wont be the victim any more.
Day two, 28 March 2013
The screen in the seatback in front of me shows a blinking plane over a map. According to the timer, Cape Town is just 29 minutes away. The butterflies in my stomach nose-dive, as the time seems way too limited considering how many questions are left unanswered.
Goddamn it, what if I cant forgive him? Am I ready to let go?
Frustrated, I scroll through the folder on my laptop, searching for something to calm my nerves. I was level-headed enough when I suggested this trip, wasnt I? In an attempt to recover my faith in this risky undertaking, I read through my own proposal:
You may need a lifetime to forgive yourself for what you did to me. That is up to you and you take however long you need, independent of anyone else. I, however, am climbing a different mountain. And I am getting very close to the top. I propose that in six months time, we meet up with the intention of reaching forgiveness, once and for all. In person. It is the only proper way for me to do it, I feel. No letter can ever compare with face-to-face communication. And after all weve been through, I think it is the most dignified and honest way to finish this chapter of our story.
I sound so calm, so fucking reasonable. How is it possible that this was written by the same person now hyperventilating in a plane 30,000ft over South Africa, full of nerve-racking doubt?
Reading through his reply, Im somewhat comforted that he, too, felt conflicted:
Ill admit that I was floored by your request to meet up. Fearful, anxious, cautious, paranoid. You name it, it all came swarming in. But youve asked, and you sound like you are making vital ground towards something very special for yourself. So of course Ill agree to see you. After much thought I do think it will be beneficial, and an opportunity for myself to air face-to-face some long held words and for us both to look to close some doors. I want it for you, Thordis, as you seem strong, open and ready to see me and move forward. I want it for me because Im so very sick of being sick and seeing myself as unlovable, and believe I can move on if I could just look you in the face, own up to it and say Im sorry.
Forgiveness is the only way, I tell myself, because whether or not he deserves my forgiveness, I deserve peace. Because Im doing this for me. My forgiveness is white-hot from the whetstone, and its purpose is to sever the ties, because if I can let this go, once and for all, Im certain that my overall wellbeing will benefit greatly. Self-preservation at its best.
Day four, 30 March 2013
Its seven oclock when we buy ourselves a drink at the hotel bar and sit down by a table facing the garden, readying ourselves for the hard talk. The windowpane clatters loudly, and an endless stream of staff crossing the room distracts me to the point where I give up. What do you say about us finishing this conversation in my room?
He looks at me, shocked. Are you sure? Youre comfortable with that?
Im sure that itll be easier to have this talk if we get proper privacy. Its tough enough as it is.
Tom radiates ever-increasing anxiety as the elevator climbs closer to the 12th floor. Unlike him, my emotions have calmed down.
Almost serene, I step out of the elevator. Theres no turning back now.
He buries his hands in his pockets as I fish my key out of my bag in front of my hotel room. Putting my hand on the doorknob, it morphs into the white plastic door-handle with the keyhole that haunts my dreams. Within me, everything falls silent. Ready? I ask myself.
Without hesitation, I turn the key.
Tom follows me inside my room, takes a look around and smiles nervously. Not bad.
Sit wherever you like. Im going to make some tea.
Thordiss student ID from around the time she met Tom. Photograph: Courtesy of Thordis Elva
He sits down on the edge of the bed while I busy myself with the kettle. From the corner of my eye, I notice him closing his eyes and straightening his back, as if hes steeling himself. When the boiling water hits the teabag at the bottom of the cup, Tom begins the story in a hoarse voice. I wore my golden shirt that evening. I didnt know it was customary to get dressed up for a dance in Iceland, and I didnt have anything fancy. The son of my host family took me to an exclusive store and helped me choose the shirt. I thought it was the peak of cool, at the time. The striped trousers were a present from my host sister.
He accepts the steaming teacup from my hand and stares into it for a moment before continuing. I remember how excited I was when I bought the ticket. I remember that I was with my friends Carlos and Ben when we met you outside the dance. You were pretty drunk when you arrived.
It was the first time Id ever tasted rum, I tell him. I didnt know how to drink alcohol. Nor did I know how to smoke, even though I took a drag from the rolled cigarette you handed me. I just wanted to impress you. And after the ensuing wild cough, I wondered if perhaps that wasnt a cigarette, I remind myself.
I lost you the minute we stepped inside, Tom continues. Carlos and I went straight to the dancefloor. I remember feeling happy and carefree in that sweaty pile of people. Then someone told me you werent well, you were in the ladies.
My mind replays the awful scene from the bathroom stall. The stains on my new dress. My hair wet from hugging the toilet. My fear and wonder as one spasm after the other wrung my body out like a dishrag. The repeated promises that Id neither drink nor smoke again if I were only allowed to survive this night. And finally, the desperate wish for my mom to come save me. I fucked up, Mom. Im sorry.
Tom frowns. I felt it was my duty to go and check on you. So I went in and climbed over the partition, into your cubicle. I held your hair back while you vomited, and I thought I was going to be sick as well. Then you flopped to the ground and lay there, motionless. I remember carrying you out.
He pauses and looks away. Before I have a chance to tell him how grateful I was when he appeared like my mother incarnate to save me from an untimely death on the bathroom floor, he grimaces bitterly. Then I couldnt be bothered to look after you, Thordis. I dumped you on Ben and left you with him. You were slumped on the chairs outside the bathrooms and he stood there, stooped over you, as I went back to the dancefloor.
I look at him in surprise. I thought youd taken me straight home.
He clenches his jaw. My only thought was that this was the only Christmas dance I was going to experience in Iceland. I was selfish and didnt have any concern for you. In the end, I felt guilty that some other guy was looking after my girlfriend. So I scooped you up in my arms and carried you up the stairs, in a foul mood because I had to leave the party.
And the security guards stopped you on the way out because they wanted to call an ambulance for me as I was dangling from your arms, foaming at the mouth. They thought I had alcohol poisoning.
Id forgotten that moment but I dont doubt it, he says in a low voice.
Tom Stranger in 1996, the year he went to Iceland. Photograph: Courtesy of Tom Stranger
I remember that part vividly because for a second there, I thought youd take their advice, I respond, looking down into my cup. That Mom and Dad would get a call from the hospital saying that their 16-year-old daughter was lying there with alcohol poisoning. I imagined being grounded for life.
Id known for three years by then what it is to drink to excess, and Id seen many of my friends at various stages of drunkenness. I just thought you were wasted. I didnt think you were in real danger, he says.
Whatever it was, it had me paralysed and unable to speak. But I heard you loud and clear as you refused the offer of an ambulance, telling the security guards that you knew me and would see me safely home.
He nods, his complexion strangely pale. The taxi was white, I recall. I told the driver your address I remember letting us into your house. But what I dont remember is what I did with you while I struggled to unlock the door.
You draped me across your shoulder while you rummaged round in my bag for the keys.
He raises his eyebrows. Really? Like a sack of potatoes?
I nod.
He swears at himself quietly. And I remember your entrance hall, the shoes on the floor. From memory, past the coat hooks there were some stairs on the left, leading up to the kitchen and your parents area. Your room was through on the right. He stops and swallows.
I remember taking your clothes off.
I remember it too. My gratitude when he removed my vomit-stained dress. My relief at having my feet freed from the high heels. My frustration for not being able to utter a word of thanks. My lack of understanding when he continued to remove my underwear. Why my panties? Why?
My stomach muscles reflexively tighten as I prepare for the blow.
He stands up, moving restlessly, and walks over to the wall opposite the bed. I undressed you completely… He falls silent and hangs his head. The wind howls pitifully outside the window.
Tom begins to cry.
I wish I could tell you why I did it, Thordis.
Did what?
Raped you, he says, quietly.
This is an edited extract from South of Forgiveness by Thordis Elva and Tom Stranger (Scribe Publications, 12.99). To order a copy for 11.04 go to bookshop.theguardian.com or call 0330 333 6846. Thordis Elva and Tom Stranger will be speaking at the Royal Festival Hall as part of the Women of the World festival on 11 March, and at the Bristol Festival of Ideas on 13 March
People were quick to judge I wasnt angry enough: what came next for Thordis and Tom
Standing in stark stage lights, with five cameras directed at me, I recently found myself on a stage, telling an audience of 1,200 how Id been raped when I was 16 years old. Next to me on stage was Tom, who raped me after a dance at our high school. Together, we gave a TED talk that summarised a 20-year long process, whereby Tom shouldered responsibility for his actions and the way they impacted our lives. It was viewed nearly 2m times in the first week and the overwhelming reaction was positive and supportive.
In the talk, I described the violence Tom subjected me to, how I spent years wanting nothing more than to hurt him back, how I found a way to part with the anger that nearly cost me my life, as well as rid myself of blame that I like so many other survivors wrongfully shouldered.
Tom described how he felt deserving of my body that night, without any concern for me, and consequently convinced himself that what he did was sex and not rape. The following nine years were marked by denial, in which he did his best to outrun the past, until I confronted him in a pivotal email that changed our lives for ever.
Ive been asked why I didnt press charges immediately, and the simple answer to that question is that I was a 16-year-old girl with naive notions about rape. Rapes were committed by armed lunatics, the kind of sensationalised monsters you saw on TV and read about in the papers. The fact that Tom wasnt a monster, but a person who made an awful decision, made it harder for me to see his crime for what it was. That way, the demonisation of perpetrators in mainstream media got in the way of my recovery. By the time I was able to identify what had happened to me as rape, Tom had moved to the other side of the planet, far from the jurisdiction of the Icelandic police. At the time, 70% of rape cases in Iceland were dismissed, even when the perpetrator could be interrogated and the survivor had documented injuries, neither of which were the case for me. Therefore, pressing charges would not have been a fruitful process, and the only option I felt I had left was to bottle up my pain and anger. Studies show that very few survivors have a clean-cut story in which they went straight to the authorities after being assaulted, put the blame squarely on the perpetrators shoulders, healed their wounds and moved on. For most of us, life after violence is a messy ordeal. We dont go to the police because were too confused, scared or doubtful that well get help. We blame ourselves and obsess about things we couldve done differently. We numb ourselves with alcohol/drugs/sex/food/work, or we turn to self-harm to relieve the emotional pain. We continue to see our abusers and pretend that nothing happened, because facing the truth is overwhelming. We develop PTSD and mental illness. We stay silent about what happened out of fear that well not be believed, or worse, blamed for it because we did something wrong. No wonder, really. In reality, the only people capable of preventing rapes are those who commit them, and yet were told from an early age that we can avoid being raped by dressing and behaving in a certain way. This culture of victim-blaming also fosters the idea that there is a right way to react to violence. Had the survivor only worn something else, not smiled so widely, not gotten drunk, fought back (more), screamed (louder), gone straight to the police, not feared their attackers retaliation if theyd only done that, everything wouldve worked out differently. Victim-blaming deepens the shame that many survivors feel and lessens the likelihood that they speak up about their experiences.
youtube
Watch Thordis Elva and Tom Strangers TED talk.
The reality is that there is no right reaction to having your life ripped apart by violence. I knew that my collaboration with Tom would be controversial, and the reactions of internet trolls didnt surprise me. But I am concerned with how quick some people were to judge the wrong way in which I worked through my experience. I wasnt angry enough, I shouldve pressed charges, I was setting a dangerous precedent, I should be ashamed. Although I made it clear that my forgiveness wasnt for my perpetrator but for myself and that without it, I wouldnt be alive, I was still told that I should not have forgiven.
This worries me. I worry about my fellow survivors who are at risk of internalising the misconception that there is a standard reaction to sexual violence, with the conclusion that they didnt react in the right way. To you, I want to say that you did nothing wrong. The way in which you carried on with your life may not have been clean-cut, it may have been messy and incomprehensible to those who dont share your experience, but it was your way to survive a trauma. Nobody has the right to tell you how to handle your deepest pain.
And as the title of our story South of Forgiveness suggests, forgiveness played a pivotal role in allowing me to let go of the self-blame I shouldered, largely due to the victim-blaming culture I grew up in. And yet, forgiveness is not the core of our story, in my mind. The core issue is responsibility.
I understand those who feel discomfort and even outrage when hearing and seeing Tom on stage, knowing that hes perpetrated sexual violence. At the same time, given how prevalent this type of abuse is and how under-reported a crime it is, were in all likelihood seeing and hearing from perpetrators on a daily basis the main difference being that we dont know theyre perpetrators. They could be the people we went to school with, who greet us at the grocery store, who direct the films we watch, get elected to public office, run entire countries and live right next door. Given the low reporting and conviction rate, most of them will never have to take responsibility for their actions in an institutional sense. This does not lessen the gravity of their deeds.
By the time Tom had confessed to his crime, he couldnt have done time for it even if he wanted to, as the statute of limitations had passed. As a result, our case fell through the cracks of the legal system, like so many others, but it didnt lessen our need to analyse our past and place the responsibility with the person to whom it belonged: Tom. We also did our best to answer questions that are rarely posed in the public discourse about rape, where more focus seems to be on the survivors attire, behaviour, whereabouts and sexual history than the perpetrators culpability. And as frustrating as it is, I understand it to a certain extent. Because in the public discourse, the only people speaking about the violence theyve been party to are the survivors, usually. Which is why we only have their stories to dissect, their details to scrutinise. Did she say shed been drinking that night? This tradition of one-sided scrutiny blindsides us from looking at the behaviour of the person responsible, the perpetrator, to whom the focus needs to shift.
I am not sharing the story of how I processed the abuse I endured as a set of recommendations for others.
My story is a unique account shared in the hope that it can aid a public discussion about sexual violence.
As a society, it is our duty to fight against violence. And as individuals, we have a right to heal from it.
Read more: http://bit.ly/2lUbi8H
from Can I forgive the man who raped me?
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trendingnewsb · 7 years ago
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The shorter your sleep, the shorter your life: the new sleep science
Leading neuroscientist Matthew Walker on why sleep deprivation is increasing our risk of cancer, heart attack and Alzheimers and what you can do about it
Matthew Walker has learned to dread the question What do you do? At parties, it signals the end of his evening; thereafter, his new acquaintance will inevitably cling to him like ivy. On an aeroplane, it usually means that while everyone else watches movies or reads a thriller, he will find himself running an hours-long salon for the benefit of passengers and crew alike. Ive begun to lie, he says. Seriously. I just tell people Im a dolphin trainer. Its better for everyone.
Walker is a sleep scientist. To be specific, he is the director of the Center for Human Sleep Science at the University of California, Berkeley, a research institute whose goal possibly unachievable is to understand everything about sleeps impact on us, from birth to death, in sickness and health. No wonder, then, that people long for his counsel. As the line between work and leisure grows ever more blurred, rare is the person who doesnt worry about their sleep. But even as we contemplate the shadows beneath our eyes, most of us dont know the half of it and perhaps this is the real reason he has stopped telling strangers how he makes his living. When Walker talks about sleep he cant, in all conscience, limit himself to whispering comforting nothings about camomile tea and warm baths. Its his conviction that we are in the midst of a catastrophic sleep-loss epidemic, the consequences of which are far graver than any of us could imagine. This situation, he believes, is only likely to change if government gets involved.
Walker has spent the last four and a half years writing Why We Sleep, a complex but urgent book that examines the effects of this epidemic close up, the idea being that once people know of the powerful links between sleep loss and, among other things, Alzheimers disease, cancer, diabetes, obesity and poor mental health, they will try harder to get the recommended eight hours a night (sleep deprivation, amazing as this may sound to Donald Trump types, constitutes anything less than seven hours). But, in the end, the individual can achieve only so much. Walker wants major institutions and law-makers to take up his ideas, too. No aspect of our biology is left unscathed by sleep deprivation, he says. It sinks down into every possible nook and cranny. And yet no one is doing anything about it. Things have to change: in the workplace and our communities, our homes and families. But when did you ever see an NHS poster urging sleep on people? When did a doctor prescribe, not sleeping pills, but sleep itself? It needs to be prioritised, even incentivised. Sleep loss costs the UK economy over 30bn a year in lost revenue, or 2% of GDP. I could double the NHS budget if only they would institute policies to mandate or powerfully encourage sleep.
Why, exactly, are we so sleep-deprived? What has happened over the course of the last 75 years? In 1942, less than 8% of the population was trying to survive on six hours or less sleep a night; in 2017, almost one in two people is. The reasons are seemingly obvious. First, we electrified the night, Walker says. Light is a profound degrader of our sleep. Second, there is the issue of work: not only the porous borders between when you start and finish, but longer commuter times, too. No one wants to give up time with their family or entertainment, so they give up sleep instead. And anxiety plays a part. Were a lonelier, more depressed society. Alcohol and caffeine are more widely available. All these are the enemies of sleep.
But Walker believes, too, that in the developed world sleep is strongly associated with weakness, even shame. We have stigmatised sleep with the label of laziness. We want to seem busy, and one way we express that is by proclaiming how little sleep were getting. Its a badge of honour. When I give lectures, people will wait behind until there is no one around and then tell me quietly: I seem to be one of those people who need eight or nine hours sleep. Its embarrassing to say it in public. They would rather wait 45 minutes for the confessional. Theyre convinced that theyre abnormal, and why wouldnt they be? We chastise people for sleeping what are, after all, only sufficient amounts. We think of them as slothful. No one would look at an infant baby asleep, and say What a lazy baby! We know sleeping is non-negotiable for a baby. But that notion is quickly abandoned [as we grow up]. Humans are the only species that deliberately deprive themselves of sleep for no apparent reason. In case youre wondering, the number of people who can survive on five hours of sleep or less without any impairment, expressed as a percent of the population and rounded to a whole number, is zero.
The world of sleep science is still relatively small. But it is growing exponentially, thanks both to demand (the multifarious and growing pressures caused by the epidemic) and to new technology (such as electrical and magnetic brain stimulators), which enables researchers to have what Walker describes as VIP access to the sleeping brain. Walker, who is 44 and was born in Liverpool, has been in the field for more than 20 years, having published his first research paper at the age of just 21. I would love to tell you that I was fascinated by conscious states from childhood, he says. But in truth, it was accidental. He started out studying for a medical degree in Nottingham. But having discovered that doctoring wasnt for him he was more enthralled by questions than by answers he switched to neuroscience, and after graduation, began a PhD in neurophysiology supported by the Medical Research Council. It was while working on this that he stumbled into the realm of sleep.
Matthew Walker photographed in his sleep lab. Photograph: Saroyan Humphrey for the Observer
I was looking at the brainwave patterns of people with different forms of dementia, but I was failing miserably at finding any difference between them, he recalls now. One night, however, he read a scientific paper that changed everything. It described which parts of the brain were being attacked by these different types of dementia: Some were attacking parts of the brain that had to do with controlled sleep, while other types left those sleep centres unaffected. I realised my mistake. I had been measuring the brainwave activity of my patients while they were awake, when I should have been doing so while they were asleep. Over the next six months, Walker taught himself how to set up a sleep laboratory and, sure enough, the recordings he made in it subsequently spoke loudly of a clear difference between patients. Sleep, it seemed, could be a new early diagnostic litmus test for different subtypes of dementia.
After this, sleep became his obsession. Only then did I ask: what is this thing called sleep, and what does it do? I was always curious, annoyingly so, but when I started to read about sleep, I would look up and hours would have gone by. No one could answer the simple question: why do we sleep? That seemed to me to be the greatest scientific mystery. I was going to attack it, and I was going to do that in two years. But I was naive. I didnt realise that some of the greatest scientific minds had been trying to do the same thing for their entire careers. That was two decades ago, and Im still cracking away. After gaining his doctorate, he moved to the US. Formerly a professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, he is now professor of neuroscience and psychology at the University of California.
Does his obsession extend to the bedroom? Does he take his own advice when it comes to sleep? Yes. I give myself a non-negotiable eight-hour sleep opportunity every night, and I keep very regular hours: if there is one thing I tell people, its to go to bed and to wake up at the same time every day, no matter what. I take my sleep incredibly seriously because I have seen the evidence. Once you know that after just one night of only four or five hours sleep, your natural killer cells the ones that attack the cancer cells that appear in your body every day drop by 70%, or that a lack of sleep is linked to cancer of the bowel, prostate and breast, or even just that the World Health Organisation has classed any form of night-time shift work as a probable carcinogen, how could you do anything else?
There is, however, a sting in the tale. Should his eyelids fail to close, Walker admits that he can be a touch Woody Allen-neurotic. When, for instance, he came to London over the summer, he found himself jet-lagged and wide awake in his hotel room at two oclock in the morning. His problem then, as always in these situations, was that he knew too much. His brain began to race. I thought: my orexin isnt being turned off, the sensory gate of my thalamus is wedged open, my dorsolateral prefrontal cortex wont shut down, and my melatonin surge wont happen for another seven hours. What did he do? In the end, it seems, even world experts in sleep act just like the rest of us when struck by the curse of insomnia. He turned on a light and read for a while.
Will Why We Sleep have the impact its author hopes? Im not sure: the science bits, it must be said, require some concentration. But what I can tell you is that it had a powerful effect on me. After reading it, I was absolutely determined to go to bed earlier a regime to which I am sticking determinedly. In a way, I was prepared for this. I first encountered Walker some months ago, when he spoke at an event at Somerset House in London, and he struck me then as both passionate and convincing (our later interview takes place via Skype from the basement of his sleep centre, a spot which, with its bedrooms off a long corridor, apparently resembles the ward of a private hospital). But in another way, it was unexpected. I am mostly immune to health advice. Inside my head, there is always a voice that says just enjoy life while it lasts.
The evidence Walker presents, however, is enough to send anyone early to bed. Its no kind of choice at all. Without sleep, there is low energy and disease. With sleep, there is vitality and health. More than 20 large scale epidemiological studies all report the same clear relationship: the shorter your sleep, the shorter your life. To take just one example, adults aged 45 years or older who sleep less than six hours a night are 200% more likely to have a heart attack or stroke in their lifetime, as compared with those sleeping seven or eight hours a night (part of the reason for this has to do with blood pressure: even just one night of modest sleep reduction will speed the rate of a persons heart, hour upon hour, and significantly increase their blood pressure).
A lack of sleep also appears to hijack the bodys effective control of blood sugar, the cells of the sleep-deprived appearing, in experiments, to become less responsive to insulin, and thus to cause a prediabetic state of hyperglycaemia. When your sleep becomes short, moreover, you are susceptible to weight gain. Among the reasons for this are the fact that inadequate sleep decreases levels of the satiety-signalling hormone, leptin, and increases levels of the hunger-signalling hormone, ghrelin. Im not going to say that the obesity crisis is caused by the sleep-loss epidemic alone, says Walker. Its not. However, processed food and sedentary lifestyles do not adequately explain its rise. Something is missing. Its now clear that sleep is that third ingredient. Tiredness, of course, also affects motivation.
Sleep has a powerful effect on the immune system, which is why, when we have flu, our first instinct is to go to bed: our body is trying to sleep itself well. Reduce sleep even for a single night, and your resilience is drastically reduced. If you are tired, you are more likely to catch a cold. The well-rested also respond better to the flu vaccine. As Walker has already said, more gravely, studies show that short sleep can affect our cancer-fighting immune cells. A number of epidemiological studies have reported that night-time shift work and the disruption to circadian sleep and rhythms that it causes increase the odds of developing cancers including breast, prostate, endometrium and colon.
Getting too little sleep across the adult lifespan will significantly raise your risk of developing Alzheimers disease. The reasons for this are difficult to summarise, but in essence it has to do with the amyloid deposits (a toxin protein) that accumulate in the brains of those suffering from the disease, killing the surrounding cells. During deep sleep, such deposits are effectively cleaned from the brain. What occurs in an Alzheimers patient is a kind of vicious circle. Without sufficient sleep, these plaques build up, especially in the brains deep-sleep-generating regions, attacking and degrading them. The loss of deep sleep caused by this assault therefore lessens our ability to remove them from the brain at night. More amyloid, less deep sleep; less deep sleep, more amyloid, and so on. (In his book, Walker notes unscientifically that he has always found it curious that Margaret Thatcher and Ronald Reagan, both of whom were vocal about how little sleep they needed, both went on to develop the disease; it is, moreover, a myth that older adults need less sleep.) Away from dementia, sleep aids our ability to make new memories, and restores our capacity for learning.
And then there is sleeps effect on mental health. When your mother told you that everything would look better in the morning, she was wise. Walkers book includes a long section on dreams (which, says Walker, contrary to Dr Freud, cannot be analysed). Here he details the various ways in which the dream state connects to creativity. He also suggests that dreaming is a soothing balm. If we sleep to remember (see above), then we also sleep to forget. Deep sleep the part when we begin to dream is a therapeutic state during which we cast off the emotional charge of our experiences, making them easier to bear. Sleep, or a lack of it, also affects our mood more generally. Brain scans carried out by Walker revealed a 60% amplification in the reactivity of the amygdala a key spot for triggering anger and rage in those who were sleep-deprived. In children, sleeplessness has been linked to aggression and bullying; in adolescents, to suicidal thoughts. Insufficient sleep is also associated with relapse in addiction disorders. A prevailing view in psychiatry is that mental disorders cause sleep disruption. But Walker believes it is, in fact, a two-way street. Regulated sleep can improve the health of, for instance, those with bipolar disorder.
Ive mentioned deep sleep in this (too brief) summary several times. What is it, exactly? We sleep in 90-minute cycles, and its only towards the end of each one of these that we go into deep sleep. Each cycle comprises two kinds of sleep. First, there is NREM sleep (non-rapid eye movement sleep); this is then followed by REM (rapid eye movement) sleep. When Walker talks about these cycles, which still have their mysteries, his voice changes. He sounds bewitched, almost dazed.
During NREM sleep, your brain goes into this incredible synchronised pattern of rhythmic chanting, he says. Theres a remarkable unity across the surface of the brain, like a deep, slow mantra. Researchers were once fooled that this state was similar to a coma. But nothing could be further from the truth. Vast amounts of memory processing is going on. To produce these brainwaves, hundreds of thousands of cells all sing together, and then go silent, and on and on. Meanwhile, your body settles into this lovely low state of energy, the best blood-pressure medicine you could ever hope for. REM sleep, on the other hand, is sometimes known as paradoxical sleep, because the brain patterns are identical to when youre awake. Its an incredibly active brain state. Your heart and nervous system go through spurts of activity: were still not exactly sure why.
Does the 90-minute cycle mean that so-called power naps are worthless? They can take the edge off basic sleepiness. But you need 90 minutes to get to deep sleep, and one cycle isnt enough to do all the work. You need four or five cycles to get all the benefit. Is it possible to have too much sleep? This is unclear. There is no good evidence at the moment. But I do think 14 hours is too much. Too much water can kill you, and too much food, and I think ultimately the same will prove to be true for sleep. How is it possible to tell if a person is sleep-deprived? Walker thinks we should trust our instincts. Those who would sleep on if their alarm clock was turned off are simply not getting enough. Ditto those who need caffeine in the afternoon to stay awake. I see it all the time, he says. I get on a flight at 10am when people should be at peak alert, and I look around, and half of the plane has immediately fallen asleep.
So what can the individual do? First, they should avoid pulling all-nighters, at their desks or on the dancefloor. After being awake for 19 hours, youre as cognitively impaired as someone who is drunk. Second, they should start thinking about sleep as a kind of work, like going to the gym (with the key difference that it is both free and, if youre me, enjoyable). People use alarms to wake up, Walker says. So why dont we have a bedtime alarm to tell us weve got half an hour, that we should start cycling down? We should start thinking of midnight more in terms of its original meaning: as the middle of the night. Schools should consider later starts for students; such delays correlate with improved IQs. Companies should think about rewarding sleep. Productivity will rise, and motivation, creativity and even levels of honesty will be improved. Sleep can be measured using tracking devices, and some far-sighted companies in the US already give employees time off if they clock enough of it. Sleeping pills, by the way, are to be avoided. Among other things, they can have a deleterious effect on memory.
Those who are focused on so-called clean sleep are determined to outlaw mobiles and computers from the bedroom and quite right, too, given the effect of LED-emitting devices on melatonin, the sleep-inducing hormone. Ultimately, though, Walker believes that technology will be sleeps saviour. There is going to be a revolution in the quantified self in industrial nations, he says. We will know everything about our bodies from one day to the next in high fidelity. That will be a seismic shift, and we will then start to develop methods by which we can amplify different components of human sleep, and do that from the bedside. Sleep will come to be seen as a preventive medicine.
What questions does Walker still most want to answer? For a while, he is quiet. Its so difficult, he says, with a sigh. There are so many. I would still like to know where we go, psychologically and physiologically, when we dream. Dreaming is the second state of human consciousness, and we have only scratched the surface so far. But I would also like to find out when sleep emerged. I like to posit a ridiculous theory, which is: perhaps sleep did not evolve. Perhaps it was the thing from which wakefulness emerged. He laughs. If I could have some kind of medical Tardis and go back in time to look at that, well, I would sleep better at night.
Why We Sleep: The New Science of Sleep and Dreamsby Matthew Walker is published by Allen Lane (20). To order a copy for 17 go toguardianbookshop.com or call 0330 333 6846. Free UK p&p over 10, online orders only. Phone orders min p&p of 1.99
Sleep in numbers
Two-thirds of adults in developed nations fail to obtain the nightly eight hours of sleep recommended by the World Health Organisation.
An adult sleeping only 6.75 hours a night would be predicted to live only to their early 60s without medical intervention.
A 2013 study reported that men who slept too little had a sperm count 29% lower than those who regularly get a full and restful nights sleep.
If you drive a car when you have had less than five hours sleep, you are 4.3 times more likely to be involved in a crash. If you drive having had four hours, you are 11.5 times more likely to be involved in an accident.
A hot bath aids sleep not because it makes you warm, but because your dilated blood vessels radiate inner heat, and your core body temperature drops. To successfully initiate sleep, your core temperature needs to drop about 1C.
The time taken to reach physical exhaustion by athletes who obtain anything less than eight hours of sleep, and especially less than six hours, drops by 10-30%.
There are now more than 100 diagnosed sleep disorders, of which insomnia is the mostcommon.
Morning types, who prefer to awake at or around dawn, make up about 40% of the population. Evening types, who prefer to go to bed late and wake up late, account for about 30%. The remaining 30% lie somewhere in between.
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viralhottopics · 8 years ago
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The Letter I Wrote To My Future Husband 3 Days Before God Revealed Him To Me
“Three days later, this boy happens to walk into my church. I had met him three years prior, yet in that moment God showed me something different.”
ByTiffany Langford
Okay, I know this may sound a little cliche, but just give me a minute to explain.
As of lately, my house has been a tornado. After nearly five years of marriage, Kevin and I have decided to follow wherever God leads, so we are making an out-of-state move.
Anyone who knows my 13 month old daughter knows she loves getting into everything, so when I found her with a piece of paper going to her mouth, it was no surprise.
I had been packing away important papers and sentiments the day before, but when I picked this tiny piece of paper up I realized it was the letter I had wrote to my future husband exactly three days before God revealed to me the man I would marry.
The odd thing about this is I had been planning on eventually writing a blog on this topic, so when this happened, I knew it was God giving me the go ahead.
As a senior in high school nearing graduation, I found the commitment I had made to God at the age of 12 more challenging than it had ever been.
For years I felt like I was in hiding no dates, no prospects, nothing. I knew I wasnt ugly, but when I prayed that prayer of God, save my heart for my future husband, He took me seriously, even though I was just a child. It was almost like He was saying, Ive been waiting for you to ask me just that, Ive got you covered.
Any guy I had talked too even came close to dating came to a screeching halt every single time. I would pray and ask God to lift up what I felt like was a curse (the binding prayer of a 12 year old), but He stuck with His promises to me, even in the times it got so hard to maintain my heart and purity.
I had spent my entire teen life chasing after Jesus. I would being lying if I said I didnt want to date, because I did, but ultimately I wanted to take my teen years and just solely chase after the main pursuit of my heart.
My friends were all dating, and I felt like the oddball.
A lot of people told me my standards were too high, that Id end up old and alone.
That was the nicest of the criticism I received for being publicly open about my decision to wait for God to bring me the man HE had set aside for me.
So there I was, a senior in high school who had never kissed, never even held anyones hand, and never been in a relationship.
I said no to guys I knew were no good for me. I said no to good, Christian guys. I didnt always want to say no. I felt like I stuck out like a sore thumb by being this way, I just wanted to be normal, like other girls.
For the first time in a long time I had came to peace within myself. I realized I was still young and had a lifetime of living, serving, and loving Jesus before God brought along my Boaz. I didnt expect it anytime soon, so I just decided to be at peace within myself, and trust God that in His timing He would bring everything I need.
Just remembering this period in my life brings back a smile to my face. The burden of trying to do it on my own was lifted. I knew it was out of my hands, its not like I could pick someone better for myself than God could anyways, and I knew what a mess I would make of my heart if I rushed ahead.
So I sat down on a cold night in December of 2010 and wrote this simple, yet prophetic letter to my future husband.
To my future husband,
Even now, I am still going to hold out for you. You are so going to be worth it. But I have decided to stop looking for you and to just focus on God, He will bring me to you in the right time. Its funny that you actually exist, you are a real person, (who is probably asleep right now.) And I know God has you saved for me, just like He is faithfully saving me for you.
I love you and I am doing my best. My heart is already yours. I am going to stop searching elsewhere because I know you are going to be so much better than what I have planned.
Love, Your future wife
Its funny how God works.
Three days later, this boy happens to walk into my church. I had met him three years prior, yet in that moment God showed me something different.
He was someone I felt spiritually tied to, and I couldnt really grasp why. A handful of times we would pass by each other in public, and I felt so drawn to his spirit. I still remember the day we ran into each other at a local Walgreens. I didnt know his name, but I knew His fire for the Lord. Walking out of Walgreens that day I prayed, God, please give me someone with a heart like that.
As time went on, I became caught up in my life. My senior year alone consisted of four school transitions, and my life as a teenager was hectic to say the least.
But next time we ran into each other, he invited me to come hear him preach sometime and we exchanged numbers. From there things escalated beautifully.
I decided to invite him to my church. I thought he was amazing, but I thought I didnt have a chance. As we sat there, I remember just seeing love in his eyes, such a humble, sweet spirit.
Then after so many nights of begging and pleading God to give me a yes to all the boys I thought were so right for me only to find out there was a reason He always gave me nos, I heard God say something I had never heard Him say before.
He whispered to me, Hes the one.
Umm, okay God. Theres nooo way you just told me that.
I convinced myself that I was crazy, besides why would a guy like that be interested in someone like me?
But not long after that, he asked me out on a date to my surprise. He was crazy about me (longer than I even realized), and we fell in love.
Now, sitting here at 5 oclock in the morning in 2016 I am in tears, thanking God for preserving me, even when I doubted His goodness and promises.
My husband proves to me daily that the decision he and I both made to wait on each other was one of the best decisions we couldve made.
I thought I couldnt fall harder in love, but here I am, less than a month away from our five year anniversary, and I am deeper in love than Ive ever been.
True love really does exist, and so do Gods promises.
I will never regret that day I cried out, Take all of me Jesus! Make me into whatever you need, and give me whatever I need.
God knew the simplest desires of my heart down to the letter, and stored up an abundance of blessings for me just from simply asking and committing.
When you become radically in love with Jesus, you realize He is concerned about every area of your life, especially the person you will marry. He desires to give you good things, but they have to be in His time. Abba is so in love with you, and so proud of you.
You are His treasured, chosen child. Dont doubt the goodness of God. Dont doubt His promises.
Hold onto the hope He has placed in your heart, I promise you will regret all the times you ever doubted Him.
Let us hold tightly without wavering to the hope we affirm, for God can be trusted to keep his promise. Hebrews 10:23
**See more from Tiffany on her blogWaiting For Your Boaz or connect with her on Facebook.
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viralhottopics · 8 years ago
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Exclusive: Bestselling author E. Lockhart to publish a new YA novel
Image: delacorte press
Bestselling author E. Lockhart has a new YA novel hitting shelves this fall.
SEE ALSO: Read an exclusive excerpt of Jeff Zentner’s upcoming ‘Goodbye Days’
Announced today, Lockhart’s Genuine Fraud will be released Sept. 5 by Delacorte Press, and imprint of Random House Children’s Books.
Edgy and inventive, Genuine Fraud is an instantly memorable story of love, betrayal and entangled relationships that are not what they seem. Lockhart introduces readers to the story of Imogen and JuleImogen, a runaway heiress, an orphan, a cook and a cheat; Jule, a fighter, a social chameleon and an athlete. This is a novel about intense friendship, a disappearance, murder, bad romance, a girl who refuses to give people what they want from her and a girl who refuses to be the person she once was. Who is genuine? And who is a fraud? You be the judge.
Lockhart is a staple in the YA world, and she’s perhaps best known for her haunting We Were Liars, a deluxe edition of which will be published this May.
MashReads spoke to Lockhart about Genuine Fraud, her career, and her advice for 2017. Then read on for an exclusive excerpt of her upcoming novel.
When did you first know you wanted to be a writer?
I read Joan Aikens The Wolves of Willoughby Chase in third or fourth grade and immediately began writing novels about Victorian orphanages, windswept landscapes and cool uniforms.
What draws you to writing YA books?
In young adulthood, people separate from the values and embraces of their families of origin and begin to define themselves as individuals. That process of separation and self-reinvention is extremely interesting to me. Genuine Fraud is very much a YA novel, even though it doesnt take place in high school.
Is your writing process different depending on the genre youre writing?
Genuine Fraud is a psychological thriller, and the only other such book I have written is We Were Liars. All my other books are comedies! The thrillers have intricate plots that require more planning.
Genuine Fraud sounds a bit like an oxymoron. Do you have a favorite oxymoron?
Film producer Samuel Goldwyn is often quoted as saying, I never liked you, and I always will. My new novel is in something of the same spirit.
Genuine Fraud is another suspense novel, like your emotional bestseller We Were Liars. Can you give a hint as to the emotions readers are likely to have?
Both books have twisty plots, but with Genuine Fraud youre unlikely to need a tissue. Rather, I recommend Rolaids and seltzeryoull want a strong stomach.
Youre known for writing incredibly strong and complex female characters, particularly Frankie Landau-Banks, who is seen by many as a feminist icon. The women in Genuine Fraud seem to be in a similar vein. Do you feel you have a responsibility as a YA writer?
Thank you. I am a feminist, most certainly, but my responsibility as a novelist is not to provide role models. My responsibility is to try to write something that feels true to me on some emotional and intellectual level. I write to make a piece of narrative art that represents the inside of my head. I hope that if I have done so well enough, people will respond to it.
As its a new year, what is your advice for your readers for 2017, both for life and for aspiring writers?
Raise your voice. Its an everyday practice. As a writer, as an activist, as a friend and colleague, student or teacherraise your voice in protest, in apology, in curiosity, in praise, in self-expression.
What were some of your favorite books of 2016?
I read a lot of travel stories and novels written in the nineteenth century. I read cookbooks and middle-grade fiction and comic essays. But Genuine Fraud is a complicated portrait of an extremely difficult person, and a twisty thriller as welland here are two 2016 books I read while I was revising it that fit that same description and are incredibly juicy: Girls on Fire by Robin Wasserman is an adult novel about young women behaving more than badly, raw and gorgeous. My Sister Rosa by Justine Larbalestier is a YA novel about a boy whose younger sister is a psychopathchilling and thought-provoking.
Image: Delacorte press
It was a bloody great hotel.
The minibar in Jules room stocked potato chips and four different chocolate bars. The bathtub had bubble jets. There was an endless supply of fat towels and liquid gardenia soap. In the lobby, an elderly gentleman played Gershwin on a grand piano at four each afternoon. You could get hot clay skin treatments, if you didnt mind strangers touching you. Jules skin smelled like chlorine all day.
The Playa Grande Resort in Baja had white curtains, white tile, white carpets, and explosions of lush white flowers. The staff members were nurselike in their white cotton garments. Jule had been alone at the hotel for nearly four weeks now. She was eighteen years old.
This morning, she was running in the Playa Grande gym. She wore custom sea-green shoes with navy laces. She ran without music. She had been doing intervals for nearly an hour when a woman stepped onto the treadmill next to her.
This woman was younger than thirty. Her black hair was in a tight ponytail, slicked with hair spray. She had big arms and a solid torso, light brown skin, and a dusting of powdery blush on her cheeks. Her shoes were down at the heels and spattered with old mud.
No one else was in the gym.
Jule slowed to a walk, figuring to leave in a minute. She liked privacy, and she was pretty much done, anyway.
You training? the woman asked. She gestured at Jules digital readout. Like, for a marathon or something? The accent was Mexican American. She was probably a New Yorker raised in a Spanish-speaking neighborhood.
I ran track in secondary school. Thats all. Jules own speech was clipped, what the British call BBC English.
The woman gave her a penetrating look. I like your accent, she said. Where you from?
London. St. Johns Wood.
New York. The woman pointed to herself.
Jule stepped off the treadmill to stretch her quads.
Im here alone, the woman confided after a moment. Got in last night. I booked this hotel at the last minute. You been here long?
Its never long enough, said Jule, at a place like this. So what do you recommend? At the Playa Grande? Jule didnt often talk to other hotel guests, but she saw no harm in answering. Go on the snorkel tour, she said. I saw a bloody huge moray eel.
No kidding. An eel?
The guide tempted it with fish guts he had in a plastic milk jug. The eel swam out from the rocks. She must have been eight feet long. Bright green.
The woman shivered. I dont like eels.
You could skip it. If you scare easy.
The woman laughed. Hows the food? I didnt eat yet.
Get the chocolate cake.
For breakfast?
Oh, yeah. Theyll bring it to you special, if you ask.
Good to know. You traveling alone?
Listen, Im gonna jet, said Jule, feeling the conversation had turned personal. Cheerio. She headed for the door.
My dads crazy sick, the woman said, talking to Jules back. Ive been looking after him for a long time. A stab of sympathy. Jule stopped and turned.
Every morning and every night after work, Im with him, the woman went on. Now hes finally stable, and I wanted to get away so badly I didnt think about the price tag. Im blowing a lot of cash here I shouldnt blow.
Whats your father got?
MS, said the woman. Multiple sclerosis? And dementia. He used to be the head of our family. Very macho. Strong in all his opinions. Now hes a twisted body in a bed. He doesnt even know where he is half the time. Hes, like, asking me if Im the waitress.
Damn.
Im scared Im gonna lose him and I hate being with him, both at the same time. And when hes dead and Im an orphan, I know Im going to be sorry I took this trip away from him, dyou know? The woman stopped running and put her feet on either side of the treadmill. She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. Sorry. Too much information.
Sokay.
You go on. Go shower or whatever. Maybe Ill see you around later.
The woman pushed up the arms of her long-sleeved shirt and turned to the digital readout of her treadmill. A scar wound down her right forearm, jagged, like from a knife, not clean like from an operation. There was a story there.
Listen, do you like to play trivia? Jule asked, against her better judgment.
A smile. White but crooked teeth. Im excellent at trivia, actually.
They run it every other night in the lounge downstairs, said Jule. Its pretty much rubbish. You wanna go?
What kind of rubbish?
Good rubbish. Silly and loud.
Okay. Yeah, all right.
Good, said Jule. Well kill it. Youll be glad you took a vacation. Im strong on superheroes, spy movies, YouTubers, fitness, money, makeup, and Victorian writers. What about you?
Victorian writers? Like Dickens?
Yeah, whatever. Jule felt her face flush. It suddenly seemed an odd set of things to be interested in.
I love Dickens.
Get out.
I do. The woman smiled again. Im good on Dickens, cooking, current events, politics… lets see, oh, and cats.
All right, then, said Jule. It starts at eight oclock in that lounge off the main lobby. The bar with sofas.
Eight oclock. Youre on. The woman walked over and extended her hand. Whats your name again? Im Noa.
Jule shook it. I didnt tell you my name, she said. But its Imogen.
Jule West Williams was nice-enough-looking. She hardly ever got labeled ugly, nor was she commonly labeled hot. She was short, only five foot one, and carried herself with an up-tilted chin. Her hair was in a gamine cut, streaked blond in a salon and currently showing dark roots. Green eyes, white skin, light freckles. In most of her clothes, you couldnt see the strength of her frame. Jule had muscles that puffed off her bones in powerful arcslike shed been drawn by a comic book artist, especially in the legs. There was a hard panel of abdominal muscle under a layer of fat in her midsection. She liked to eat meat and salt and chocolate and grease.
Jule believed that the more you sweat in practice, the less you bleed in battle.
She believed that the best way to avoid having your heart broken was to pretend you dont have one.
She believed that the way you speak is often more important than anything you have to say.
She also believed in action movies, weight training, the power of makeup, memorization, equal rights, and the idea that YouTube videos can teach you a million things you wont learn in college.
If she trusted you, Jule would tell you she went to Stanford for a year on a track-and-field scholarship. I got recruited, she explained to people she liked. Stanford is Division One. The school gave me money for tuition, books, all that.
What happened?
Jule might shrug. I wanted to study Victorian literature and sociology, but the head coach was a perv, shed say. Touching all the girls. When he got around to me, I kicked him where it counts and told everybody who would listen. Professors, students, the Stanford Daily. I shouted it to the top of the stupid ivory tower, but you know what happens to athletes who tell tales on their coaches.
Excerpt copyright 2017 by E. Lockhart. Published by Delacorte Press, an imprint of Random House Childrens Books, a division of Penguin Random House LLC, New York.
Read more: http://on.mash.to/2jOItND
from Exclusive: Bestselling author E. Lockhart to publish a new YA novel
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