#its not entirely a bad thing infact id feel hes been like this so long that going back to the guy he once was would even mess him up more

[manofthepipis]

One thing that I’ve been thinking about is a possible route(?) this story could go, and that is Spamton’s trip to the Ambyu-Lances’s office. And boy do I feel bad for the Addisons because it’s gonna be hell on earth for all of em. Spamton has the mentality of a feral cat and this feral cat is going to the vet in the first time in forever. I don’t think Spamton is a big fan of large syringes, and when you have one of those chasing you down because well, look at him. He’s a walking talking corrupted program. If masters his glitches like Survey says, I can totally see him glitching through the doctors to make his grand escape™️. I feel like all the Addisons are gonna have to be here for both moral support, as well as making sure that he doesn’t attack his doctor. (Maybe they’ll sedate him a little? I know that’s what some hospitals do with rowdy-er patients LMAO, but then the Addisons have a whole new problem on their hands because now Spamton is high as a mf kite or something 😭) the last time I was under anesthesia my doctor said I wouldn’t stop laughing until I burst out into uncontrollable sobs and then I immediately blacked out💀

god a trip to the doctors office would be hell in a handbasket for this guy ;v; because he 100% has the energy of a feral cat finally being checked out

though i think once he gets closer to the addisons he'd agree to go, just to see if he can be set back to normal (spoiler alert: he can't cuz fate has handed his ass the bad luck card from square one) but he immediately regrets it and the addisons have to calm him down

them sedating him would probably be the best course of action as to actually get ANY results (because he will bite and attack on instinct hfjkkdjfkks)

though i feel if i were to write an ambyu-lance scene in the future this is how id imagine it would go:

[perfectionistincrisis]

Life these days!

Hmph :) So i have never..no let me write that in caps! So i have NEEEEVEEERRRRRRR (aha👌) felt this before. Like no, no its not cause i dont have a good vocabulary or something or like im not good with words or something, i mean those are not the reasons. But but i REALLY REALLY find it impossible to describe -IN WORDS- how much I feel for him. Like you know how somethings bugging you..Oh well everything bugs me.. And i DIEEE to tell him..But i cant🙃 So idk I just talk to myself maybe or like atleasr i have words i can use. But like those stuff are wordless. He means so much to mee.. And God!!!!!!! You have no idea how restless you feel when you have to keep such strong feelings suppressed within you! So normally I had some stuff to do. Like arranging my room, my clothes, my shoes, my stuff n all and i thought ill do them towards the end of vacation or in other words after my bro leaves which is like in 10 days but then i already feel like vacations ending. Now i dont mean that in a 'dramatic' way like you know, how your whole life every vaaction when its ending theres this sadness or happiness, well that depends. But like i mean there is some emotion you have towarss it and its like a "thing" like OH noo or oh yaaaayyy *dramatic* vacs almost over!!!!! Bleh -- yeah that ^ isnt there anymore. Cause like now im more of living life one day at a time. Like sure as hell i have plans/ dreams for future but when im 'living' a day at a time and you know that saying about how lifes a 'journey not a destination' - well ive been hearing it SO much since i was a kid. As in its such a mainstream quote that i just took it as something cheap and tacky w/o ever even realizing what it wants to say. I mean ok i do understand ehat it means but only now i can realize the 'depth' of it after experiencing life a bit. I think it means to say that life is ongoing, it will forever be until ofcourse we pass away. But like, then 'passing away' is the end point aka destination BUT nothing else before that is. So since passing away is certain we can ignore it and say that theres no 'destinatiom' in life. What we usually mistaken as destination are our 'dreams/ goals’ in life. But no, they are not destinations or end points. They are your targets. You want them, and yes you will adjust your life in order to focus and head towards your targets and youll be fighting for it and eventually you will reach it one day but. Your life will not end there. It does not end there. You keep living. New problems may come up. New targets will arise. So you see? Life is ongoing. May be these days youre living life but its not anywhere close to your dreams/ goals but BUTTTTT your life right now is also AS REAL as the life youre always picturing in your head. IT. IS. AS. REAL! so yeah life is ongoing. Its vacation now but yeah it wont be anymore and its not just the fact that it wont be vacation anymore but to add to that itll be SUPER hectic but yeah thats life and then before you know it therell be a vacation and then itll end and blaablaa. Life goes on!!!!! And you need to be okay with it and face anything that comes in your way with an open heart! I said face it. Means sometimes you need to accept, sometimes fight, sometimes struggle, sometimes cherish. Aha soooo ok lets get back to what i was sayin :3 Yeah so i mean its almost a month left, and for me i kind of feel like vac almost ending and i just dont really want to keep sruffs like cleaning and organisjng for the week before uni will start. So i did it this week. Also i kind of eat now. Like 'listen to my heartc typa eat. Like not apples and almonds and tea all day! So i also need to work out and so i decided this week i was going to focus on arranging my room, washing my scarves and all and my shoes and stuff and working out and eating and chilling. So well im not really done with it but its going ok. Also the reason i feel like vacation's almost over is because i finally came to know which 'rotation' i am going to start with in 4th year! So its like normally in 4th year there are 4 rotations. Surgery, Pediatrics, Internal Medicine and OB Gyne. So the females get the first 2 rotations that i mentioned above in semester 1 and the males get the last two. And in semester 2 females get last two and vice versa! Now within females/ males - you divide into 2 large groups. So 2 female groups - one starts semester 1 with surgery the other starts with peds. And similarly for males. So the whole batch is divided into 4 larges groups and at any time of the year all the 4 rotations are going on with different groups. Now lets talk about any ¼ group. So in that one group, theres roughly around 50 girls for example & they will start with lets say ‘surgery’. So now among those 50 girls, theyll need to make smaller groups of 5 members each so like 10 small groups of surgery. And now this 5 girls will be together for the whole rotation in the hospital. They go to see patients together. They meet the doctor together and everything. Only once a week there is ‘academic day’ on any specific day depending on your rotation and on that day all the 50 girls will have class at uni and like its a long day usually till 5 with many lectures by doctors. Aha so to summarize, that's how it all works! Now the thing is. People have preference. Like which rotation do you want to start with? Surgery or Peds? Haha Also, the thing is you dont get to decide! You just randomly form two big groups of equal number of girls and then they will assign a rotation randomly! But then people have preferences! Like some wants to start with surgery & some with peds. Now both has advantages & disadvantages! Surgery - ok this is hard! Its a fact, not my opinion! And it doesnt just end there! The doctors who teach surgery well let me rephrase..The “surgeons”! Well they're “surgeons” so they kind of expect you to know how everything works in the hospital right from Day 1 & they are less friendly, they teach less and expect you to know more! But if surgery is your 1st block how will you possibly know how things go in the hospital! So yeah you need to be alert always! Ok but the good side to starting with surgery is that since youre starting with it right after vacation youre all energetic and motivated and all and you can give it the attention and energy it really demands! But with time you seriously feel less motivated and its harder to study for uni! Well that is no excuse to slack off but then yeah in order to not slack off you need to work harder and harder! So thats the thing! Surgery is just easier to handle if started first but then the surgeons are the problem! Now peds. So yeah the things goods & bads of peds is the opposite of surgery! The doctors are extremely friendly and they teach but but peds is boring. Infact i personally hate peds and obgyne! So yeah! Now at first i wished i start with surgery but then with time I wanted peds. Cause like I really want to work hard for each and every block and so the timing of the rotation shouldnt matter! Whenever whatever comes, i have to face it and ace it! Simple as that. So if i start with peds I will also be able to start with friendly doctors and will have enough time to get to know how things work in the hospital rather than having surgeons who expect you to know everything on day 1! BUT BUT thats just my preference which switch from surgery to peds and anyways final say is not in my hands AND TO ADD TO THAT, more than what i preferred, i honestly left it more to Allah to give me whatever He thought was best for me. So like id say peds sounds good, but then I wouldnt like baaaaaadly want it and all like id be fine with either because im praying to Him to take care of it and help me through the entire path! Aha. So I got surgery! And i didnt feel bad even for a second. I mean. Oh surgery? Ok yeah cmon show me what you got!!!!!! :3 haha So yeah cause like now ik ill be starting eith surgery and then later peds. And like i mean just imagine like vacation started end of May and since then until beginning of this week youre completely clueless wth youll start the next year with and all is kinda confusing and then you finally know youll start with surgery. OHHHH! HOW COULD I MISSS THIS OUT. Like SURGERY!!! You GET IT????? Surgerys the REAL DEAL. i mean surgery is my thing. I never joined med school thinking ill be a ‘doctor’! I entered med school thinking ill be a ‘surgeon’ inshaAllah. AND it has never changed! So yeah! Now i never said it i think, but, i chose medicine because IN MY OPINION this is the most realistic way in which you are doing something for humanity which ultimately contributes to your religion i.e. to Allah and therefore for your own self for the Hereafter. I am aware that there are a zillion other ways to do so but i think this is number one on the list. Or if not 1 at least in the top 10! Now it doesnt end there. So first, i chose “medicine” for this reason. Now, yeah it doesnt end there. I want to be ‘involved enough’ in doing the job that i need to use to -use my own hands- to do so!!!! And thats nothing but surgery! Yeah! Thats basically what im about :):):) Aha okay so i started typing and then i keep talking talking talking and now idk what i wna say. Im all over the place looool Okayyy i need to go now! Just one thing i missed oh! Him. There's SO much of emotions stuck in me. SO Strong.. I dont think I have ever felt for him, or can ever feel for him AS MUCH AS I feel for him right now.. ❤

[calvinlepesh]

Purpose? Purpose.

My life was perfect til that day. I didn't even have a clue of how good off I was. Disrespectful, ungrateful, angry, but truly, sad. "From the beginning of my time or from the realization of the universe?" Very bold question I ask myself currently. How do I want to convey my knowledge? How do I want people to percieve what i will tell them? How will I word my stories and thoughts in a way that is too hard for normal people to understand? Can I? From the beginning it is! Now, Born Valentines day 1999 was chubby cheeked enthusiastically loved and cherished Lepesh. Born in Minnesota cold. Raised in Minnesota cold. Lepesh knew hot summer fun, running through the sprinklers, water balloon fights, Football, Basketball, Ice cream trucks, Chalk on the side walk/driveway, Biking with neighbors around our nitche. Biking by myself to the gasstation for candy. Waking up in the middle of the night to play video games in the basement, Getting caught waking up in the middle of the night to play video games in the basement. Lepesh knew winter fun. Snowboarding, Snowfuckingshoeing, Sleding, Snow tubing, Snowball fights, Huge snowmen, Snow forts along the cul-de-sac snowwall created by the huge cool snow plow! Wow! I thought to myself  mouth wide open with a smile, as the large plow on the front of the truck bursted through large mountainous snow mounds with ease. Creating wonderous mounds of snow in every frontyard across the neighborhood. Building snow forts and then having a war with snow balls. The point is my childhood was filled with fucking joy and happiness. It rocked man and Im super happy that it happened. I couldn't imagine this shit happening to me before.. Well before it happened. Its 2008. Its december as I sit on the couch with my brother and my parents..... well wait here theres a little more first. February 14th 2008 Im nine years old today. Im in Mr.Larsons fourth grade class. I enjoy creative writing, recess and lunch. although I didn't write much. I really love football and sports around this time. I decided to be a cowboys football fan when my dad said I could choose cause hes too nice to force me into being a Vikings fan. My parents especially my mom but definitely my dad aswell. Let us choose what we wanted. Which I disagree with now and will certainly not allow my childeren to decide what is right. Although Im sure I will at some point definitely not in elementary what the fuck?! Anyways. Decieded to be a cowboys fan cause my dad hates them and loves the Vikings. Which I now love today. Anyways. Im in the car with my whole immediate family driving. I ask where we're going or what we're doing. While heading west in the car my dad tells me we're going to Wisconsin and we're gonna stay the night at a hotel. The entire car ride their my dad is messing with me and im furious. Im certain today if I was in the passenger seat during the exchanges between my father and I I'd be laughing my ass off. But almost at the same time sad and angry of how ungrateful and disrespectful I probably was to my father. Idk maybe I just pouted, which I did alot lol.. anyways We finally arrive after probably an hour or so drive west, not infact in the direction of Wisconsin to a large farm in eastern Minnesota. 'There's nothing here' I thought to myself. It wasn't a desolate farm but damn near close. Large housing for live stock aswell as people. My father then reveals that im going to be getting my own dog for my birthday. I immediately light with excitement and smiles. Joy pulsing in my heart. Ive always wanted a dOG' i think to myself as I turn to my brother with excitement. I can only imagine how wide and big my smile and cheeks were to this day. Entering into the large barn with my family. Me, my brother, mother , and father all enter the barn to the amazement of dogs and insulation lol. From the outside it almost looks like a overly large stereotypical red barn, however the inside has another side to the story. Carpeted floors off to the left held the petting area with already free roaming dogs. while the right side of the room looked as if they did paper work and forms and whatnot. Going right wasn't even a thought in my head. LEFT. Headed for the dogs im stopped by my mom who is greeted by the worker/farmer. Im not even listening to her. I want a fucking dog. Moments go and my patience already thin is thinner. It takes alot for me to blow up even as a child. The problem was the things building up my 'meter of rage' as a child shouldn't have been. Anyway. Finally I head over to the dogs climbing the little fence even a little small for me already tall for my age. Immediately I spot an adorable smaller black dog. I kneel down to sit with it and attempt to hold it. Only to kneel right into a huge carpet puddle newly accompanied by its main ingredient dog piss. Nice. As i tell my mom she just laughs and tells me to be careful. Its what I did worst and least often. Unfortunately that was one of my biggest issues. After looking for awhile. I now realize my dad was probably ready to leave after 10-15 minutes definitely longer than that but Understandable nonetheless. After probably 35-45 minutes of trying to find a dog that didnt shed and was actually good looking. My mom had been carrying this one dog in paticular for a decent amount of time. Asleep in her arms as if a child beautifully sleeps my savior..... The car ride home Hank held the dog the entire time. Almost sinisterly which him being an older brother. acceptable, however frowned upon. Uncharacteristically careful I am as I hold my new dog. Smile from cheek to cheek and thats a long distance lol. Still carefully holding her i slowly bring her and a blanket along with hank to the basement. Where I lay out the fluffy green blanket and set Katy ever so gentely down. Standing next to my brother stareing almost in a daze like trance. We have a dog!' We were so happy. Hank and Lep happy? Together? very rare nowadays. I would certainly come to forget of such times even now almost a foriegn concept of us being so happy together. Now back to the OG storayyy............ Holding katy close weilding her support almost as a weapon to defend myself from such an awful thing. Its happening' I feel it' i just know' its happening' We are able to create our own reality because we (humans) designed a very primitive (in comparison to the universe) way to communicate how we feel. Speech. Speech is very important. Its our first amendment here in the US. say whatever u want. Pretty much. our speech is primitive because it doesn't describe things that we are uncertain of. We have to choose in our speech whether to Have no Idea Agree disagree yes no. Now of course there are exceptions to that. But not to normal people. Normal people can't understand this. If you are reading this right now and are lost for words but think you're 'awake' so to speak. just listen. This is a huge secret to life. Huge. It may change ur life over night. The best part about it is you get to decide. Ask yourself. Am I going to be open minded to what this man has to say? Ask yourself do I want whatever he says to be true in my life?... Just so I can touch as many people as possible and help the (working class which im apart of} hear me out. You may think im fucking crazy or that idk what life even is either and you're right I don't but all you have to do IS ACCEPT THAT WHATEVER IS/WILL/HAS EVER HAPPENED, Happened because you decided it was going to happen. Before you were even born. Before anybody way born. The best part about it. Is that it is unpredictable and it is fueled and directed DIRECTLY from our speech. Whatever you speak out loud for example say I said and I have. I want to fucking die. and I meant it. I really mean it. If you don't mean what you say then learn to do that before anything. Before u start this really take the time to realize ur worth not as a person but as you. Cause you created everything in your world. The best part you created it that way cause thats the way it turns out best for you. I hope atleast. Think about it. You get through everything. most things people kill themselves over. You're trying to make yourself strong for some reason possibly? or maybe catching myself up to everyone else cause I had such a nice and spoiled childhood? Past karma current karma. Thats what gets me. Theres no way a god created this world. But i could've created this world. Maybe im evil just like the world a little bit deep down. I am. Definitely a little evil. Its apart of my soul. Its apart of everyones soul in my world maybe not as much on some people and Ill never know why that is and I don't need to cause, I trust my judgement. It may be wrong sometimes but im still alive today for some reason that I decieded. thats the beauty of myself I truly never know what im gonna do each day specifically. Ill know if im gonna be tired or up for another 5 hours. Cause I will be and Ill feel it. Ill know when i need to fucking pee. But I never know what mindset is right or true for me. partially cause i have shitty short term memory and bad hearing and vision and a bad liver. im 19 lol. Anyway. Basically the secret is speak what you want and mean it everyday. You'll know if you dont want it as badly some days. you might even miss a day. All you're trying to do for yourself by doing this is getting yourself into a routine where you put those '(vibes) or Speech and words/ Communication. Communicate with your universe. Speak how you feel. Speak what you want. Speak how you're going to get it. Even if you're thinking theres no fucking way thatll happen. Theres no fucking way im ever going to pass through college. theres no fucking way id be able to get through law school. I can't be a chef I've hardly cooked. are my common misfires. Misfires however very common after the first few days to weeks will disapate if you PUSH ON! Just like you always have! This is what you were waiting to find. You created the world it is today for yourself today to see this and reconize for yourself today. That you're doing this wrong. Since starting my program I live with partial contentment as a human being. However I personally keep myself open to negative thoughts and wishes periodically to balance my life. However as for most of u assume this is rather stupid but selfless nonetheless. The reason I hold dark as I hold light is because this is what I decieded and this was meant to happen. The decision made by the creator of my universe which is me to write this to you and share what I have learned to help better your lifes for the benefit of them I do not know what I or they gain from this because it is beyond my comprehension aswell as yours. It could be for something of the lines of in 200 years cause I told you these secrets and my experiences and helped you better your life over time and you benefitted and you passed onto your childeren. that no your family lives on in the future 200 years from now. and they're good people. maybe not all. But if taught correctly and this isnt a cureall for everybody. But it significantly helps better improve overall mood and life tolerance in your life. It doesn't work immediately. It isn't gonna take it easy on you just cause you know now. In fact. If you are not open minded currently do not read because this idea sent and recieved and read and processed by a closed mind. Blocks the process from ever having the ability for your mind to hear and read properly as an openminded individual would.