#its not a very good recording. but i love it.

[clarissaexplainingitall]

lancer character extreme ramble edition below but the tldr is yeah yeah everyone makes the jokes about tgirl horus pilots but what about a horus mech that actually does very much trans your gender. character so fun and complex i had to draw a diagram:

the long version:

we had to rework some things due to a last minute module switch (he was going to be a little older and number and due to needing to be in mech school we had to roll the timeline back to immediately after the incident, but in summary:

CALLSIGN: Firebird

The Royal Karrakin Foundries were conducting some experiments on a Horus-pattern Pegasus class unit, referred to as "The Asset" which had a dual-pilot chassis (very very weird).

One particular graduating class at a low level flight and mechanic school academy was targeted and graduates were offered a high paying job requiring a degree of security clearance very far away.

This is what we call a bold-faced lie

On record everyone is just working somewhere far off and deployed on secret tasks. Firebird is aware that there was a number of unquantifiable "mistakes" (there is a lack of appropriate records) that resulted in the death of multiple rounds of test pilots alongside some of the mechanical staff.

Eventually, two graduating students (Aphra and Mavet) were selected as the next round of candidates due to situational proximity of seemingly random biometric markers (CBC, LDL, ESR, CRP-, and some unknown)

This seemed to work, and Aphra and Mavet began to build a coworkerly relationship, though they also had fairly good chemistry, and Aphra at least began to develop feelings for the man.

Both chose callsigns for each other based on a shared affinity for old music - Aphra was CALLSIGN: Faun, and Mavet was CALLSIGN: Firebird

The rationale for Aphra's callsign was never explained to her.

During a test instance, there was what is referred to internally as "The Incident." It is unclear to both pilot and observers what occurred, but the surviving pilot suspects there was a certain degree of raw, hardcore interfacing with something in the machine.

OOC, Mavet made unfiltered contact with the unshackled Ushabti Omnigun and the mech reacted.

Three things happened as a result:

Aphra's corporeal form was reduced into a smear of meat.

The person who was once Mavet was effectively killed - theoretically. It is possible he was incorporated into the Ushabti Omnigun, or one of 20 other options, but what is known to the surviving pilot alone is that his mind was effectively wiped from his corpse. His body also sustained significant blast damage and some degree of permanent neurological injury.

The Pegasus, henceforth dubbed RITE OF SPRING, exploded, incorporating the bulk of Aphra's body into surviving parts of its chassis, eliminating a secondary seat, and patching Mavet's corpse with material from the mech, preserving the mind that was formerly Aphra's in his body.

Legally, Aphra is dead. Metaphysically, Aphra is still around, but would never admit it because legally, Mavet is still alive. He prefers to go by (now his) callsign as he feels if nothing else, he earned the transfer of that name. Firebird is now attempting to reconstruct the Pegasus chassis in pursuit of closure and an attempt to make contact with whatever remains of Mavet.

The Royal Foundaries are overjoyed and consider the experiment a complete and utter success. Mavet was diagnosed with a mild case of memory loss as a result of neurological injury or potential integration of schrapnel. They suspect nothing at this point in time. However, we now have extremely fucked up blood test results due to maybe having a bit of Pegasus meat in us but that's not shared outside the experimental team.... as far as Firebird knows.

And now for the gay pining section of this lancer character:

And this is how the Horus Pegasus-TM made me gay and transgender

What if you can't hate the body you are now stuck in because you loved it before it ever was yours? (It isn't yours)

What if you like it better this way but liking it better feels like an unfathomable sin because This all comes at the expense of someone you never got the chance to love.

We were late on day one of mech school due to guessing our own shoe and shirt size wrong.

Multitrack drifting my body as a prison-temple. Haunting reminder, unfulfilled everything, object of mourning, constant horrible just in your face forever... but you can't change any of it. It's not yours to change and it'd be disrespecting his memory. Blah blah blah blah blah I'm going to go insane.

Current vibe is "everything happens so much" and "can you guys please leave me out of antagonizing the nobility they already hate me and i want to retain my ribs unbroken."

He's retained his own personal memory, etc, personality, but inherited Mavet's muscle memory and preferences. Which is such a blessing-curse because it's like. Oh you never had the chance to ask what food he likes? Well Now You Know. But not because he told you.

Anyway since we're here this is why the naming went the way it did:

Rite of Spring as the ballet about a person chosen to lead their own sacrifice and consumption by the earth. Points also for the funky choreo and ungodly music and riots resonating with Horus Weirdness. That one line about the lead ballerina dancing, instead of out of love of leaping, as if she hates the very ground she stands on. The mental breakdown barely avoided during the choreography. The multiple people quitting production.

The unfathomable pitching of the bassoon. The superimposing of a dominant 7th on a major triad half a step higher. Alternating 2, 4, 2, 5, 1, 6, but notating in 8 sometimes. How many times do you want to change signatures and tempos? Yes. What do you think about constantly going in and out of 5/16. Let's do 444 time signature changes and oh a delicious bar of 11/4. Fuck it, submelody referred to as the Sentence of Doom.

Firebird callsign is 1 bit phoenix joke (why it was retained) and 1 bit it also being a production involving the ruination of a man's career and several marriages. The endless searching in some versions for the live bird based solely on one tail feather. Faun is for the prelude to the afternoon of, because both involved Nijinsky and were the fucketh around with ballets.

Everybody say thank you to Frank Bidart

[gabessquishytum]

Friend got me hooked on this oswaldxour oc concept we've been passing back and forth to make more and more deranged lol

Anyway dreamling but Dream is a crime boss who runs a club frequented by rich guys and criminals. It's neutral ground. Hob is a server there. Dream gets pervily obsessed with Hob who's always gently refused his advances which makes dream want him even more. In revenge dream makes him wear different, more revealing costumes to the other servers. I'm thinking shorts so short his hairy arse was exposed, translucent blouses, or shirts cut low enough to expose most of the hoboobies, or slinky little mini dresses

Hob would very much like to keep his job, as his criminal record makes it that this is the only work he could find, and obeys Dream.

Until one day Robin gets sick, or his scummy landlord jacks up rent trying to get Hob to 'pay in kind', or maybe even both, and Hob goes to Dream for a loan. Let's just say Dream makes him earn every red hot penny with interest for all those months Hob refused Dream

I do love these scenarios where Dream is powerful and fucking terrifying and Hob is still just some guy.

Hob is trying SO hard to keep on the straight and narrow for Robin's sake. He's a good dad - Robin is always clean and well fed and dressed nice, and he always gets to school on time. Even though it means that Hob runs himself ragged and hasn't had new clothes in so long, he's getting holes in all his shirts. His job sucks but at least he can work nights and be around for Robin in the morning and at school pickup time.

It's a precarious life and it really doesn't take much for it to fall apart. The rent goes up, and Robin needs medicine for a nasty chest infection. Hob can't really pick up more shifts at work because he needs to be at home with his sick son. He's sold everything else and it suddenly occurs to him one night that fuck it, he might as well sell himself too.

So. He goes to Dream and he swallows his pride, and he begs. He begs for Dream to help him out, just a couple of hundred to cover the month's rent and antibiotics. Dream listens with utter joy and pleasure in his heart. Finally, his darling has come to him. Of course Dream will help. He pays 6 months of Hob’s rent and has his men transfer little Robin to a private clinic where he can recover properly with all the meds he needs.

It's a lot more than Hob had expected. He knows that he'll have to pay. As Dream hands him a new outfit (its lingerie - a push-up bra, stockings and suspenders. The whole ensemble is red, the colour of Dream’s ruby pendant), Hob is trembling. He lets Dream touch him. The truth is, he'd love to be kissed and romanced, but he knows how bad Dream is. He fully expects to be roughly used and hurt in all manner of ways.

But he gets a hell of a surprise. Dream is cruel, yes. But his cruelty comes in the form of relentless pleasure. He makes Hob cum on his cock until he's overstimulated and screaming, and then he does it all over again. He doesn't leave a single bruise but he wrings Hob dry, leaves him twitching and barely conscious, and then takes even more. Its a sweet torture and Hob is totally helpless. The worst part is, he's totally ruined for any other man. Now he's obsessed with Dream. Now his life will never be normal again! And of course, Dream won't go easy... he'll make Hob beg again and again.

Dream's darling is finally his <3

[lordofthesoups]

Books yippie!

The war of the worlds by H G Wells. This is one of my favourite books ever. Best ending of a sci fi story ive ever read. I own four copys of it, one of them a comic. I also have a poster of the Thunderchild on my wall and the cd for Jeff Waynes musical version was the first cd i ever bought (i also have it on record) (im normal about this book i promise) (i love it so so much).

The Truth by terry pratchett. Its my comfort read. Contains my first ever blorbo william de worde. I love it so much. Its about newspaper coming to ank morpork and is a really good stand alone read.

Also tery pratchett: Monsterous regiment. Its about a girl who goes to war pretending to be a boy set in what is essentially the disks version of Transylvania. My second comfort read. Its very gender and makes exelent points on sexism and the futility of war all wrapped up in Terrys marvellous writing style.

I assume youve read the portrait of dorian grey by oscar wilde already but im putting it here anyway. Fun fact, I took my name from it.

The locked tomb series/gideon the ninth by tazmin murr (i did not check the spelling please dont kill me). Romantic not in a romance way but in the way the victorian poets were. Lesbianism off the charts. It taught me bone facts. Its one of the books that changed me fundamentally.

Roadside picnic by Arkady & boris strugatsky. My current read, ive cried thrice over the main character. Sci fi with the premise of what if aliens came down to earth but didnt give a fuck about us did their business and then left and what happens in the aftermath of that. Its just fucking amazing. I love it.

If you can get your hands on it i would also recommend the manga of Nausicca by Hayo Miasaki. Its set 1000 years after an apocalyptic event called the seven days of fire where the world was wiped clean after which a toxic jungle made of fungi inhabited by giant insects grew. The main character is a princess of a group on the edge of this jungle but are also duty bound to fight on the side of the kingdom of tolmekia in their fight against the dorok empire.

Its beautiful and another one of my favourite books ever. One of the reasons why i want to study mycology, i would get a tattoo of one of the insects from it. Even if you dont wanna read it/cant find it i would recommend watching the ghibli film of the same name. It goes upto the first chapter of the book but is absolutely amazing.

Then if you fancy some non fiction

fighting proud by stephen bourne which is about gay men in the first and second world wars and is just an amazing read. I cried a lot. I intend to return to it to be able to think about Charlie Dowd

Mutuals!! Hi besties!! I am on my knees humbly requesting your finest book recommendations.

[jennyfromthebes]

sometimes being a tmg fan is discovering a recording of a song that's been played literally one time ever and being torn between wanting to share it with everyone and wanting to keep it just for yourself for a little bit longer

[obibail]

"Still not helpful."

[lemon-wedges]

Some process gifs of my paintings this year!

[katabay]

original thief series basso & garrett :)

ngl, it's about quality over quantity for me. an npc can have a total of three minutes of screen time, but if they have a cool name, they can live rent free in my head and I'll spend several hours trying to decipher drawable features from a blurry screenshot of pixels

there is a vague hint of a story here, and that's because every time I try to play thi4f, I get incredibly frustrated with how Not Fun the game play is. like, is the story good? well. but it has a PLAGUE. that should've given it instant 'I'll replay this once a year' status in my heart, but the game play sucks so bad that I've never finished it. I can't believe Not Fun gameplay beat out my obsession with narrative plagues.

anyway, the idea is basically if the original era had a game with a plague centric narrative and some other stuff I liked out of thi4f thrown into a narrative blender, with a heavy dash of horror thrown in because some parts of the thief games were scarier to me than entire dedicated horror genre games.

⭐ places I’m at! bsky / pixiv / pillowfort /cohost / cara.app

[torchstelechos]

Thinking about ISAT and how the party treats Bonnie throughout the game, which is to say they protect the child to the death. But they also respect the child and try to explain things to them they dont understand which makes me get so emotional because they care!! so deeply for Bonnie's safety!! And during the "let's stop fighting segment" you can really see how much they want to protect Bonnie and how much they love them and I just. Get so misty eyed over it, cause can you imagine knowing your loved that deeply? The horror, the trauma, the feeling of safety that must bring? The care finely balanced between love and resentment Bonnie must feel? God, Bonnie is going to realize how much was going on behind the scenes years from the end of game and I would love to see what they think of it all

[sendmyresignation]

i think there's really something to be said about how there has never been a record i've encountered where people wanted justification or excuse to refuse to acknowledge the intention and seriousness of the project itself like danger days by both defenders and haters. i find it so incredibly bizarre and strange and partially fascinating.

[xxplastic-cubexx]

now i aint ever had no one on the enemy team call me out.... lol ...... abysmal they say this right as the mvp screen pops up too.....

[just-a-girl-with-a-pistol]

Me? Deciding how my art should look? Pleaseeeee who do you have me for? A sane human being?

[lesbianshadowheart]

the lack of fandom insanity about aloy hzd is crazy to me.....she was literally born of immaculate conception to be the saviour of a world that doesnt want her. she was the loneliest girl in the world the first and last of her kind. while gay

[qoldenskies]

I know it’s normal to his character but there is something so sick and twisted about how in CC we see Leo using white lies to joke. It’s a one-off joke but these lines:

OH THEY DROVE ME INSANE. Leo is so good at acting and manipulating and gaslighting, and he uses his skill with it so gently with Donnie most of the time, especially because Donnie is worse than picking up on subtexts/takes people more at their word than most. Like—Leo is so careful about not leaving Donnie out of the joke, and in turn Donnie trusts Leo to make it so he can always tell when something is a lie. It’s like Leo has a blade and is gently tapping Donnie with the flat end to make him laugh, and Donnie doesn’t even twitch because Leo’s never so much as nicked him.

And then Leo tells him he’s crazy. He’s hysterical. He’s being weird. You’re making things up and losing your tools. Yeah you really were in the wrong “but thanks ilysm.” You were only in the closet for a few hours. God you’re terrible at taking a joke. Leo stabs him over and over again and Donnie doesn’t even realize it because Leo’s never so much as nicked him so Donnie doesn’t realize he was being cut into until it was killing him. Just. Oohhh Donnie trusted him entirely with his little heart and Leo squeezed until it stopped moving.

YES THIS!!!!!!! and then in ME leo chooses to lie to him again, even though it's something he's so guilty about doing because he was the main one responsible for the gaslighting (he was the ringleader of it all, something about how he already fell into a leadership position before it was even put on his shoulders being so apparent here, especially as someone who motivated/hyped the others up,,,,,) because he thinks he's out of options, that its the only thing he can do to make things a little better. he's perpetuating the cycle he's trying to break out of as a self-fulfilling prophecy; does the intent even really matter when its so clear the effect is going to be the same? was there any right answer?

even though its definitely a cognitive distortion created from the tragedy of what happened, maybe leo did have somewhat of a point when he said donnie trusted him too much. he laid out the means to his own undoing on a silver platter and refused to take it away even as he bled out on the floor; for such a complicated person, donnie makes his love so simple and unconditional, and that's fine, of course, as long as nobody goes out of their way to hurt him--- that's how the family's always functioned, hasn't it? as terrible as raph was under the effects of the curse, he was correct when he said that things only work in their family when everyone plays their part. its interesting how easy it is to push over one domino and let the rest fall, how fragile peace can be with just one slip-up, one mistake... it almost reminds me of something else that happened =)

[unriding]

EVIE !!!!!

I SAW U USE MY ART AS UR THEME SO I WANNA DO A REMAKE !!! mostly cause the other one was full of mistaks hurrrrr orz

keeping the color palette the same so itd still fit + use softer shading so convey how soft u are + moze is now IN UR HAND !!!! >:3

oh nick :’)

[moomin279]

Did Harold and Andy have dinners? Did they talk about Jude? The son that they were both desperate to help, the man who wouldn’t be helped.

Did Harold and JB meet up? Did they talk about Jude or did they avoid the topic completely?

Was Willem so drawn to Jude because of Hemming? If he’d saved Hemming would he have still been so desperate to save Jude?

Did Malcolm, JB and Willem ever really feel how badly Jude loved them? How badly he needed them?

Did JB forgive himself? Did JB forever blame himself? Did he cry when he painted Willem listening to Jude tell a story?

How long did Harold live with alone with Julia post Jude? Did Julia die first? Did Harold feel how Jude did, like everyone who loves him leaves? Is that what drew them to each other? Both of them understood the difference between the law and Justice because both had seen the unfairness. Did Harold relate to Jude in that way? Did Harold have a troubled childhood himself? Did he see the cycle repeating with Jude?

Obviously they all loved Jude but did they also see themselves in how he was running from the hyenas, how us readers do? Did they see the parts they hate about themselves?

Did JB regret painting Jude after Sickness?

How much did they all regret not asking more of Jude?

Did Anna’s wife think about the broken boy she sent to college and never heard back from? Did she try to find him?

Did any of them notice, how we do, how Saint Jude is the patron saint of lost causes?

[shima-draws]

Suddenly got the inexplicable urge to watch the Cats musical again. And then I remembered this ask I answered on my sideblog and giggled like an idiot