#its me and my plain black phone covers til the end though

[pseudophan]

feeling like dan howell with my plain black phone cover and default wallpaper

[refuge-au]

>Open the Doctor’s File

Doc: Receive an Invitation

The conference room was small and sparsely decorated, little more than a round table and a handful of chairs in an empty room. The walls were bare, the table empty, and the window that looked out into the hallways covered by blinds.

The window that looked out onto the street, to the east, may as well have been covered too. The only thing visible when you looked out was the greyish hue of smog.

Doc sat in the chair closest to the door on the east side of the table. His arms were crossed over his chest, and his feet were up on the table. He knew his attempt at nonchalance wasn’t fooling anybody, but it didn’t hurt to try.

Etho sat to his right, leaned over the table and absently spinning a rubix cube in his hands. Every so often he’d scramble it and then solve it quickly afterward, seeming slightly disappointed. His left eye was covered in a plain black eyepatch that wasn’t quite big enough to cover the extent of the scarring.

Bdubs sat on Etho’s other side, the drumming of his fingers on the table and the way his eyes flickered from one side of the room to the other every couple of seconds the only things betraying the amount of nervous energy contained inside him.

Beef sat in the last chair on their side of the table, staring at the covered interior window as if he could see through the blinds and into the hallways behind it. His face was expressionless, apparently lost in thought.

No one spoke.

It was the kind of silence they had sat in many times before- part comfort, of being around people who know you better than almost anyone else in the world, and part anxious anticipation. None of them knew exactly what was going to come next.

They had been contacted individually a week or two ago, letters that had no return address slipped under doors or through mail slots. What usually would have been some sort of threat or insult turned out to be a job interview opportunity.

Come to a certain building two weeks from now, the letters read. Tell the receptionist that you’re looking for refuge. Someone will be in to see you shortly.

The most paranoid of the group (Beef) had found out that it was sent by some sort of government official or organization before he contacted the rest of the group to see if they had received the same summons. After a brief discussion, a decision was reached. They would hear out whoever wanted to talk to them.

If things went down badly… as long as they were together they would be able to fight their way out.

Most of the invitation had been true. They found the correct address, and were taken to a room when they asked for refuge… but the person that they were waiting for had not come shortly. It felt like they had been waiting for an eternity- even though his internal clock told him it had only been about twenty minutes.

Ten more minutes, he decided, and then he would leave. If whoever the hell wanted to talk to them was going to be late, they should have told the receptionist to tell them or something. It was basic human decency- although admittedly that did seem to be in short supply these days.

The door handle turned with a click, and four pairs of eyes locked onto it immediately. There was a moment of nothing, and then the door swung open, letting a relatively tall brunette man into the room.

His hair was tied back in a neat ponytail, all brown except for a single streak of white from a large x-shaped scar that stretched across most of his face. It was an old scar, very faded, the chunks of white in his hair and his beard some of the only things left to prove that it was there.

He looked slightly winded as he smiled, shutting the door behind him. “Hello, gentlemen. Sorry about the wait. There was a bit of a… conflict. Downstairs, and I ended up having to sort it out.”

He walked over to the table pulling off his gloves and unwrapping his respirator from around his neck before sitting down across from Etho and folding his hands together. “So. You all actually came.”

“Did you expect us not to?” Beef asked, eyeing him warily, apparently not recognizing him.

“Of course not! A government official contacting you out of nowhere, asking you to come and meet them? The fact that you have enough faith in humanity to come here, despite everything, without knowing anything about why you’re being asked here… it’s amazing.” He grinned.

“Amazing is one word for it, sure.” Bdubs said, leaning forward in his chair. “But uh, who are you, and why exactly are we here?”

“If you’re going to try to kill us, we’ll give you a thirty second head start.” Doc added dryly. “But no more than that.”

The man chuckled. “We’re not trying to kill you, we’re trying to offer you a job.”

A job?

Before Doc could express his hesitation, the man continued, putting a hand to his chest:

“My name is Xisuma Void, Captain Void to most people, but you can call me X. I’m putting together a crew.”

“Like a boat crew?” Bdubs asked, brow furrowing slightly.

“A spaceship crew. I’ve been given a mission- go to uncharted territory, chart it, and start a colony on a planet outside the solar system.” He extended his hands in front of him, gesturing to the team. “I’d like you to come with me.”

For a moment, there was silence.

“…What’s the catch?” Etho asked slowly.

“Catch?” Xisuma asked.

“We’re not from here.” Etho said, and Beef chuckled. “There’s always a catch.”

Xisuma shook his head slowly. “I don’t think… well… how about I just tell you what the job would entail before we decide if there’s a catch or not?”

Doc looked across the table to the others. Bdubs nodded, Beef shrugged, and Etho set down the rubix cube for the first time since he had gotten into the room. X took that as permission to continue.

“Do you remember all those stories in the news about the government funneling money into a secret project?” X asked.

“And everybody was worried that it was gonna be another war.” Bdubs said. “We remember.”

“They were building a ship for this mission. It’s been in progress for years now, but they’ve ramped up construction in the past several months. The ship will be fully built in three months, and the mission will begin no sooner than six months from now.” Xisuma stood, either ignoring or not noticing the way that the rest of the group tensed when he moved, and began to pace up and down the length of the table. “The ship- the Refuge- will exit the solar system in about one and a half years, and then it’ll be four and a half to eight and a half years til we reach Haven.”

“Haven?” Doc interjected. “That’s the planet?”

X nodded.

“Bit on the nose, don’t you think?” Bdubs asked.

X shrugged, not pausing in his pacing. “I wasn’t the one that named it.”

“So what do you want us to do?” Beef asked. “None of us have ever been to space before. Sure, Etho may have been… built for it, but…”

“You don’t have to worry about the space stuff.” X said, stopping and leaning on the back of the chair he had been sitting in. “Just the landing part of the mission. The way that this is set up, there are two smaller groups within the crew as a whole- the ship crew and the colony crew. While the ship crew will transition into being a part of the colony crew once we land, the colony crew doesn’t have to be a part ship crew. It’s unnecessary, and most of the crew mates don’t have essential skills for the trip.”

“So what does the colony crew do during the flight?” Beef asked, his brow furrowed.

“Sleep.” X responded. “We have two cryogeneticists on the crew that will be maintaining and caring for frozen personnel and assets.”

“Which one would we be?” Doc asked.

X looked uncomfortable, as if he didn’t know whether the question was a joke or not. “Personnel… in total, if you decide to take me up on the offer, we’ll have nine people frozen out of a crew of thirty six. Most of the ship can be run mechanically, but we still need the ship crew to oversee everything.”

“And what would we be doing when we get planet-side? What’s our actual job going to be?” Bdubs asked.

“Building, scouting surrounding areas, neutralizing any potential threats, whatever needs to be done, really.” X sighed. “Unfortunately, since a mission like this has never been attempted before, I can’t tell you exactly what we’re going to need you to do. If you accept, I can give you the paperwork that runs through several potential scenarios, but… there’s a lot that we just don’t know.”

“I’m not going to ask you to sign on immediately, but I’d like your responses as soon as possible.” X concluded. “There’s a packet with the receptionist downstairs that has more information-“

“I’ll do it.” Bdubs said, cutting him off.

X blinked. “What?”

“I’ll do it.” He repeated, leaning back in his chair. “It sounds exciting, it’s a chance to travel somewhere without risking being carsick, it’s getting away from everything that’s going on here… and we’re probably not gonna get another chance at this for at least six years, right?”

X nodded.

“I can’t speak for the guys, obviously, but you’ve got one.”

“I’m in too.” Doc decided, taking his feet off the table and sitting up straight. “There’s not a whole hell of a lot for me to do here, not many people that want me here, and somebody’s gotta make sure you don’t get yourself killed.” He said, pointing a vaguel accusatory finger at Bdubs, who rolled his eyes. “I still want the packet, but I’m in.”

X grinned. “Wonderful! And… I suppose, do you want to make your decision now too?” He turned his attention to Beef and Etho.

“I’ll agree… but I reserve the right to change my mind if we start getting ready and things seem off.” Etho said, picking his rubix cube back up and spinning it on its corner. “I may have been made for space travel, but they kept me grounded for a reason.”

“I agree with Etho, minus the spaceman bit.” Beef said. “Also, can we have your phone number, or some way to contact you?”

Xisuma’s grin turned into a softer, warmer smile. “Everything that you’ll need is going to be in the packets. Welcome to the team, gentlemen.”

Computer: Input Command: Show Available Files:

> Open the Pilot’s File

> Open the Doctor’s File (New)

> Continue

[cosmiclatte28]

Home (Baekhyun x reader)

DOMESTIC FLUFF (?) 

ENJOY! 

The jingling sounds of key and door carefully pushed open resonated through the half lit apartment. Baekhyun locked his door and carefully switched on the light. His foot steps brought him to the living room, which surprisingly was not neat. He flashed an apologizing smile when he saw the scattered books, papers, and highlighters on top of the coffee table and to the girl who fell asleep uncomfortably on the couch. 

A book was covering half of her face; Baekhyun giggled at the sight. He gently placed his gym bag on the other couch, took the book on her face, marked the page with a highlighter and closed it down. He bent to greet her with a kiss and gave a gentle stroke on her shining brown hair. The girl did not move at all, in which Baekhyun deducted she had been too tired this week. He shuffled into the bedroom, took a soft blanket and returned to the sleeping girl. He draped the blanket over her, and left to shower. That girl is Scarlet, the lucky girl who stole Baekhyun's heart and the one he's engaged to.

One of the room that Baekhyun loves other than the bedroom is the bathroom. His marvelous girlfriend amazingly turned this place's dull bathroom into a masterpiece. Baekhyun thanked his hard work which resulted this marble walls and tiles. He thanked his sweats for purchasing him a pulsing bathtub, but mostly, Baekhyun appreciated how his girl did the lights and ambience for this room. The dim relaxing lights and candles never failed in calming his nerves down. The pack of aroma oils she kept on one of the shelves helped Baekhyun breathe even lighter. 

Today he realized, it's not late yet to have a dip. It's only 10 (that's why he knew his girl had been tired, for she usually waited til' morning). Baekhyun opened the faucet, walked to the box of oils and chose his companion for tonight. He decided to go with vanilla and a blue bath bomb. He tossed the bomb when the water's enough and stripped down. In less than a minute, he was groaning from the pulses which hit his tired body and softly moaned from the comfort the oils and bubbles gave him. He closed his eyes for a moment, did some deep breathing, and reopened his eyes.

He scanned the room, his heart warming when he saw the things in this room came in pair. The tooth brush, the towels, and the vanity sets. His eyes traveled one more time to the rack of body wash collections Scarlet owns. He frowned a little when he realized her collections had changed. 

Baekhyun remembered seeing bottles of colorful and super sweet smelling soaps, but now it's replaced with plain bottles. He squinted his eyes and reached for each bottles. Reading off the titles and scents. He frowned when he read "aromatherapy edition". Though he admit the smells are wonderful, he tried to get her message. The bottles were labeled like Sleep, Stress, and Love. He returned them and glanced at the scented candles which Scarlet likes to light when she showers. The fun bakery or fruity smells was replaced too with another Sleep candle. He felt something’s wrong. Quickly he finished his bath, washed, and tugged on his shorts.

He walked out of the steamy shower, bare chested, then tip toed to the dining table. He made himself a glass of warm milk and sat down while looking at his sleeping girlfriend. Scarlet has always been a shining, restless ball of energy, with lots of positivity, just like him. But he was late to realize that she was going through a lot. 

Baekhyun's comeback activities have not allowed him to go home early, except today since two members started to feel sick, nor did it allow him to send texts and sneak calls. He tried to remember when was the last time he checked on Scarlet, and he felt bad when he figured out how much of an uncaring boyfriend he is. He looked at the engagement ring on his left finger and then to Scarlet, played a bit with it, and guilt flooded his body.

When was the last time Baekhyun asked how's she doing? When did he call first or texted first? When did he come home to ask her how her day went? When Baekhyun did accompany her to finish her mountain of home works? When did he really act like her man?

The answer was long time ago. It's always Scarlet who started the conversation, it's always her waiting for him. Scarlet's the one who forced her tired body to stay awake, just to welcome tired Baekhyun home. Scarlet's the one who always asked and listened attentively to how his day happened. She's the one who prepared his bath and bed. 

Every morning they still see each other. Drinking coffees and eating breads, Scarlet usually asked him how his sleep was while packing a lunch for her, and him. Not to forget how she always yawned from staying awake to finish her tasks and woke up early to fetch Baekhyun his breakfast and lunch. 

He felt like a shit, had he ever sit next to Scarlet all night when she typed words into her laptop, while chugging on cups and cups of coffee? Rarely. Yes he tried and failed miserably, but Scarlet never for once put a grudge on this. Baekhyun saw her charged phone on the island. He reached it and opened the lock, swiped until he found the calendar widget. He scanned through it and learned that this month is her final exam weeks; that explains the books and papers. He carefully noted down each day's exam. Baekhyun made a small plan on his mind. A small support which he hoped can help her pass the exams.

After finishing his milk, he walked to Scarlet, picked her up and put her down on their bed. He returned to the living room to pack on her belongings for tomorrow's class and tidied up the couch. After noting the clock, he turned off the lights and joined Scarlet to dream land. Baekhyun counted the hours of sleep, its 23.30, his schedule tomorrow starts at nine, while Scarlet's class starts at eight. He will wake up earlier tomorrow, make her breakfast, and walk her to campus. Baekhyun smiled at himself, then after another kiss he closed his eyes.

The sun rays woke Baekhyun up around 6. He carefully left his bed, washed, and walked to the kitchen. He turned the coffee machine on, heated the water, then prepared two cups. Baekhyun yawned as he checked on their fridge, surprisingly there are eggs, hams, and cheese. He threw his head to the counter and smiled when he saw bread. He noted he has to grab groceries on his way home, this fridge won't refill itself.

Baekhyun finished cooking the second egg, when a fresh showered Scarlet surprised him with a back hug.

"Morning bae, sorry for sleeping deep last night," Scarlet kissed Baekhyun's exposed neck.

"Morning too babe, no problem... I saw your tiring schedules, it's okay to fell asleep. I like it better, for you to stay healthy." Baekhyun said as he plated the egg on top of the bread, then topped it with cheese and ham then bread. He turned the stove off and returned the kiss Scarlet gave.

"Hmm the coffee's ready." Scarlet inhaled the sweet smell of coffee.

Baekhyun grinned, "Just sit down my lady; I'll prepare this for you." Baekhyun poured milk into one coffee. He knew her well!

Scarlet took a snap and updated her Instagram.

"What? I'm just going to post this so your fans can day dream on you."

Baekhyun said nothing to this, he's thankful though that even though some fans hated her in the beginning, by today they shifted to support them and Baekhyun's thankful Scarlet has been strong so far.

"Let's eat. Enjoy your breakfast." Baekhyun smiled.

"Thanks Baekhyun." She smiled and delicately finished her portion.

"How's your sleep?" Baekhyun asked this time, and he did not miss how Scarlet seemed surprised and happy he asked first. Gosh why did he not do this before? Seeing her surprised and happy made him happy too.

"Amazing! I dreamed that a handsome prince came to kiss my nightmares away, oh Baek it feels real," She gazed into the space.

Baekhyun giggled and brought his hand to ruffle her hair.

"How's yours?" Scarlet asked back.

They caught up with one another, exchanged small talks on how the comeback is going, annoyed conversation on Scarlet's never ending tasks, planned about visiting their parents, and many more.

"Come let's get ready. I can walk you to campus today." Baekhyun stood up and collected the dirty plates. He washed them quickly as Scarlet prepared herself.

They're ready. Baekhyun's wearing black and black with a black cap and black masker, on his left shoulder hung Scarlet's school bag, on his right hand the small hand of Scarlet. They walk while enjoying the sun and other couples.

"Baekhyun, I'm sorry if I sound rude.. But can you please return to the pastel and denim looks please? I'm tired of seeing your dark clothes in the laundry." Scarlet spoke.

He did not need to think and nodded, "Sure! I'll dress brighter after this."

Scarlet smiled, "Thanks! It's depressing for me to see your dirty clothes."

Their steps reached the end, Scarlet smiled brightly in front of the campus gate.

"I can take it from here, thanks jagi, good luck with your practice!" Scarlet rose to give a quick peck on his lips and they parted.

That afternoon, practice ended quickly. Baekhyun rushed to the parking lot after changing into a fresh tee.

"Yak, where are you running to?" Chanyeol asked before Baekhyun was gone behind the doors. It is normal for him to rush home, but Chanyeol always asked the details.

"A date probably?" Kyungsoo teased his friend.

"Any special day?" Sehun chimed in too.

"Nah.. I want to go to the market and prepare dinner."

"Wow, did something happen?" Kai asked

"Nothing bad, I just realize I'm not a caring namja..." He blushed

The rest of them laughed it off and just wished him good luck

Baekhyun was thankful today is a Friday and he can leave before 6! Yet he was sure that Scarlet's last class today will end at 6, which gives him enough time to shop and cook.

He rushed to the supermarket nearby the apartment and bought everything needed for dinner and the empty desolate fridge. He restocked the fruits, chocolates, pop corns. He bought home a bouquet of fresh flowers and a letter too.

Once back home, he arranged everything on the refrigerator and began to cook.

Right as he wait for the rice to cook, he arranged the tables and still got time for a quick fresh shower.

Once he he spit the light-blue mouthwash away, the jingles of key made his heart pound.

"Mwoya?" Scarlet gasped in surprise when she was greeted by the dim lit room only from the dining room. She took off her shoes and left her belongings on the sofa. Scarlet stood frozen in front of the dining room.

There stood Baekhyun, all in his boyfriend dreamy look and a bouquet of fresh flowers. Not to mention how perfect his oversized yellow pastel sweater matched his fluffy caramel hair. His eye bags showed naturally how tired he is, no heavy make ups and eye shadows. Just the plain glowing cheeks Scarlet love, to an extend that she will give everything just so his cheeks can glow.

She did not say anything, he was still frozen too, and Scarlet took the moment to melt Baekhyun in her deep meaningful kiss.

"You don't have to do this Baek," she whispered as her lips lingered close to his.

"I wanted to jagiya, here's your flower." He handed her the bouquet.

Scarlet took a deep whiff of the roses and placed it on the vase.

"Wow you cooked dinner!" She giggled as she saw the pile of dirty pans and pots in the sink.

"Don't worry I'll clean them up, before that shall we eat?" He raised his brow.

"One moment!" Scarlet turned to take a quick shower and change her clothes.

She returned only in Baekhyun's oversized baby blue knitted sweater and a messy bun.

"Jja, let's begin" She took her seat and Baekhyun lit the candles.

"I'll bring you to a proper place tomorrow or next week... sorry tonight I rushed.." He shyly said.

"Oh I love this better Baekhyun, anyways your food tastes better than mine! What secrets are you using?" Scarlet ate happily, savoring each spices and sweetness. Baekhyun felt full seeing her this happy. He got it now how mothers felt when their kids finished her meals. It's rewarding.

"Nothing much, I pour my heart into it." He cheekily replied.

Scarlet rolled her eyes on this, "You know what... I owe you something for this perfect surprise. I love you Baekhyun!"

"Well you could thank me with tonight's activity. How long was it again since we did it? Oh damn I've missed your touch." He smirked.

Scarlet's cheeks burned and she finished her glass of water.

"Will you be good for me tonight?" Baekhyun sipped his wine and put on his playful smirk.

Scarlet winked, "We'll see."

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

kiss me in the d-a-r-k .epilogue vi. finale

the day of

Warnings: non/dub con sex (intercourse, oral)

This is dark!(dad)Steve and explicit. 18+ only.

Summary: Things are laid out for the reader.

Note: So this is the last part of the epilogue. I’m not gonna promise a sequel but I will leave the possibility open in the future. Maybe we’ll see our reader again somewhere down the road. But to all those who have read and supported this series, thank you. I appreciate you and I love you. You guys don’t realize how much you mean. I really hope you enjoy. 💋

<3 Let me know what you think in a reblog or like (feel free to leave your thoughts in a reply if you don’t wanna reblog)!

...

On Wednesday, you sat your midterm in the morning and if it wasn’t for your still tender ass, it would’ve been perfect. You walked out confident. You were one of the first to finish and that allotted you a whole hour and a half between the exam and your next class. 

You took out your phone, on airplane mode for the test, and flipped it back into service. Several messages littered your inbox, all from one man. Steve texted last night after your meeting with Bucky but hadn’t shown up to your relief. For once, his business kept him from you. 

You scrolled through the bubbles: ‘good luck, sweetie,’ ‘call me when your done’, etc. His impatience was obvious even though he’d known you wouldn’t see til now. You headed for the cafe below the library and ordered your usual before you hit call.

You sat in the corner as the steam rose from the paper cup and the other end picked up almost immediately. “Uh, hey,” You turned and looked out the window onto campus. The trees were barren and the leaves dried and dying. The city’s first snow was imminent.

“Hey, sweetie,” You could hear him moving around as he spoke. “How was the exam?”

“Good, good,” You bent a leg over the other and sat nervously on the edge of your chair. “I think, at least.”

“Great. You got classes too?” He asked and you rubbed your chin. Should you mention Bucky and the evening appointment. Let him know that you’d been sussed out.

“Till five,” You answered and pushed back your dread. “Mostly review. The rest of my midterms are next week.”

“Well, you got early classes tomorrow?” He prodded. 

“Why do you ask?” You glanced around and blew over the top of your cup.

“Why do you think?” You could hear his smirk. “I’ve got dinner with Kylie tonight. Should be done by eight. I thought maybe you’d wanna meet up after.”

“Oh…” You tapped your fingers on the side of the cup. “I don’t know…” It felt wrong, sneaking in after a visit from his daughter; your friend. “Maybe I should just have a quiet night in.”

“It’s your call but I leave Friday morning. It might be our last chance.” He sounded disappointed despite his nonchalant words.

“Hmm,” You thought and silence buzzed on the line. “Steve?”

“Yeah?” 

“When you leave, is this all...over?” You had to force the last word out. It didn’t want to rise though you knew it needed to.

He laughed softly. It was comforting, not mocking. “Sweetie, we’ll talk about all that tonight. So, how about I pick you up at nine?”

You sat back and swung your leg nervously. “Okay, nine,” You acquiesced. 

“See ya then, sweetie,” He replied smugly. “Oh, one more thing.”

“Yeah?” Your heart fluttered. You wondered for a moment if Bucky had confronted him too. You braced the table and held your breath.

“Check your mailbox.” He said. “And wear something nice.”

“O-okay,” You stuttered as you exhaled, your chest ready to burst. “I’ll see you at nine.”

The line clicked and you set your phone face down beside your coffee. You sat back and crossed your arms. This was all getting very complicated. And messy.

-

Your classes passed slowly. You scribbled down the notes for your review and tried not to let your mind wander. As you walked across campus and headed for the subway, your phone vibrated. You huffed and pulled it out as you walked blindly by the buildings.

‘You free tonight, girl. Party at 10.’ Kylie’s message blinked at you. You stopped and once more a storm of nerves swept over you. Your finger hovered over the screen as you tried to muster your latest lie. ‘Sorry. Studying tonight. Maybe this weekend.’ Her response was quick; terse. ‘Boo’.

As you stood in the middle of campus, the last few days mounted on your shoulders. What were you doing? You were sneaking around like some character on an HBO serial. You should’ve been on your way home to study and not to wait around for you illicit lover. Or thinking about the night you’d just spent with your professor.

You broke from your shameful trance and rushed past the other students. You didn’t want to wait around for the third train of the hour. You reached the platform just as the train was ready to close its doors. You clung to the bar as it sped along the tunnels and counted the stops. 

You had more than enough time to eat before your little rendezvous. Your building was grim as you walked up to it. You almost forgot to stop at your mailbox as you entered and you found a small black box inside. You took it and the monthly university newsletter and head up to your bachelor.

You shoved a thin crust in the oven and sat on your bed as you streamed to your small television. You waited for the timer to tick down and opened the small black box. You rolled your eyes as you pulled out the folded lace. Sheer white with floral embroidery; it offered little cover, if any. The panties were high-waisted and the bra thinly strapped. Steve had more than just another meet-up in mind.

You texted him as you ate your pizza. ‘Really?’ He replied with a winky emoji and nothing else. You finished your dinner, washed your face and freshened your hair. You wore a simple. long-sleeved dress over the lingerie; a blush coloured sheath you still had the tags on. Your legs would be cold but you didn’t expect to be outside much.

As time wore on, your anxiety piqued. You paced in your wedged boots. Second thoughts and eager expectations mingled into a maelstrom inside of you. Your phone buzzed on the nightstand and you unplugged it as the clock read 9:07. The singular text greeted you. ‘Here.’

You took a breath and grabbed your plain black coat and buttoned it up to your chin. Your purse hung from your elbow as you locked the door behind you and tripped down the stairs two at a time. You nearly fell on your face as you emerged onto the crooked walkway and Steve’s rover loomed along the curb.

You opened the door and slipped inside. “Hey,” You said breathily as you buckled up. He leaned over and kissed your cheek. When you were strapped in he grabbed your chin and pressed his lips to yours. He was eager.

“Hey,” He pulled away and looked out on the street. “You look nice, sweetie.”

You smiled and thanked him quietly as he pulled out. 

“Did you eat?” He asked as he stared at the road.

“Yes, I did, dad,” You said mockingly but your voice cracked and died in a deathly silence. 

He stopped at a sign and looked over at you. You shyly glanced over and he smiled the moment your eyes met. “I’d prefer daddy, but whatever you like, sweetie.” Your cheeks burned as he chuckled and you played nervously with a button on your coat.

“I didn’t mean too…” You muttered.

“It was funny.” He assured you as he turned his attention back to driving. “Cute.”

You nodded and kept quiet, afraid of another slip. Freud would be all too excited to be a passenger on this ride. You tilted your head as he turned away from downtown; away from his hotel.

“Where are we going?” You asked meekly.

“It’s a surprise,” He said coyly. “Are you wearing it?”

“Y-yes.” You crossed your arms and kept track of each turn in your head.

When he stopped, you looked up at the high-rise and blinked in confusion. Your apartment was little more than a closet compared to the penthouses housed in this upscale building. You still had no idea what was going on. 

Steve got out and came around to open your door as you gaped. Your heels wobbled beneath you as you stepped out and he typed on his phone with one hand as he offered you his other. He tucked his phone away and led you up the broad steps of the building and past the tall fountain that crested the lawn.

“Steve...?” Your eyes lit up as you took in the extravagance. Well, compared to your digs.

“I told you, it’s a surprise, sweetie.” He let go of your hand and opened the front door for you. 

He was past you in an instant and rang the buzzer with the touch pad. Only a long buzz sounded in response and he opened the next door. You were fidgety in the elevator. The ascent was silent as you peeked over at Steve several times. Only a knowing smirk in response; devious.

As the doors opened, you stepped out into the single floor penthouse. The dark hardwood floors were pristine and polished and the large living room was bookmarked between a tall brick fireplace and a set of glass shelves decorated with degrees, awards, and a menagerie of ornaments.

You stopped as Steve closed the elevator lock up behind you. You turned back to him and shook your head in confusion. He neared and framed your face with his hands as he leaned in to kiss you. 

“Be good, sweetie.” He kissed you again and stood straight. He smiled over your head and you sensed another.

“Why don’t you take off your coats and settle in?” Bucky asked and his blue eyes flicked towards you. “You want anything from the bar?”

You looked between them. Your heartbeat had doubled and you felt light headed. “What’s going on?”

“We talked,” He said cryptically. “It’s all good, sweetie.”

He unbuttoned your coat for you as you stared at him dumbly. He slipped it down your arms and you snapped out of your trance. You watched him hang your coat next to his and turned back to the room. Bucky was behind the bar with three glasses set out.

“So, what’s it gonna be? Gin, scotch, I’ve got some wine.” He offered.

“I…” Steve nudged you and you edge into the living room. Steve passed you and sat on the chaise, his hand patted the space beside him. “Gin and ice is fine, thank you.”

You sat beside Steve and clasped your hands together. You wondered if alcohol was a wise decision but it would help with your nerves. Your mind began to run wild with possibilities. Whatever they had planned couldn’t just be talking.

Steve’s hand went to your lower back as Bucky neared with the glasses. He handed you one and Steve another, and sat with his own on the other side of you. You were trapped between the two men on the chaise. You gulped down half the drink and crossed your legs.

“Slow down, baby, it’s gonna be a long night,” Bucky grinned and sipped from his own glass. “Did you talk to her?”

“I figured there wasn’t much to say,” Steve shrugged. “You want both of us, don’t you, sweetie?”

Your eyes threatened to pop out of your head as you glanced between them. You drained the last of your gin and bent over to set it on the table. “Uh, yeah, I…” You blinked and focused on the ice, “Well, I mean...I…”

“Don’t worry, we’ll take it slow.” Steve assured you. “We just wanna get this all sorted out before I leave. When I’m gone, Bucky will look after you.”

Bucky placed his glass beside yours, the dark alcohol barely touched. His hand went to your thigh and Steve rubbed your back soothingly. You were tempted to drink Bucky’s whiskey for him. Steve took another swig and added a third tumbler to the table. He grabbed your other thigh and both men squeezed as they leaned closer.

“Why don’t you show Bucky your little surprise?” Steve purred.

You tilted your head, confused at first, and Steve’s fingers ran up your back. The lingerie. You nodded and stood, glad to be free of their touch. You looked down at your body and slowly turned to face them. You bent to unzip your scuffed wedges and stepped out of them. Your dress felt thinner as you lifted your eyes to them. Steve nodded for you to go on.

You reached back and tugged down your zipper. As the dress loosened you paused and both men watched eagerly. What were you doing? Six months ago, you were a reticent virgin and now you were in some sordid ritual with these two men. 

The heat of their gaze nipped at your doubts and you pulled the zipper down entirely. You let the sleeves fall down your arms and the swish of the skirts as the dress fell to your feet was your white flag. It was done. There was no turning back.

You dared to look at them. Steve grinned and Bucky’s brows shot up. They both shifted on the chaise and you kept your hands to your sides, nervously waiting for the next move.

“It’s all you,” Steve intoned as he stood. He brushed past you, his hand tickled your thigh and he pinched your ass. You watched as he crossed the room and sat on the couch opposite. He sank into the cushion and draped his arm along the back. “Take your time.”

Bucky’s hand on yours drew you back to him. He pulled you closer until you stood between his knees. You looked down at him as his hands explored your body. He cupped your tits through the sheer fabric, your nipples hardened against his palm. He tickled along your waist and hips and snaked around to squeeze your ass.

“Sit down,” He nodded beside him.

You did as he said without thinking. He turned to you and brought his hand up behind your neck. He kissed you forcefully and pushed his hand between your thighs. You opened your mouth to his as he devoured you and tucked your fingers beneath his belt. He groaned as you clung to the top of his pants.

He pulled your legs apart and dragged his fingers along the crotch of your pants. You moaned and he slid his fingers beneath the fabric. He pushed between your folds and circled your clit. You parted and gasped at the sudden tingle.

He slipped from the chaise and to his knees. He came up between your legs and continued to play with you. He hooked his fingers under the panties and pulled them aside as he replaced his hand with his mouth. You were entranced by the sight of him knelt before you. His dark hair was streaked with silver but thick. You leaned back on your hands as he teased you with his tongue.

Your eyes were drawn to the other side of the room. Steve hadn’t moved. His eyes sparkled as he watched intently. You closed your eyes and let your head fall back as you sank into Bucky. He licked and suckled as his hand crawled along your thigh. He traced around your entrance and shoved two fingers inside. Your legs tensed and your nails dug into the cushion.

He curled his fingers and you moaned louder. His tongue never stopped as he started to move his hand. The last of your insecurity disappeared and you could think of was the whirlwind of nerves spiraling around your core. You latched onto the back of Bucky’s head and pushed him deeper as you beckoned your climax closer. He hummed as his tongue lured you onward until you were shaking and sputtering in unyielding ecstasy.

He didn't stop until you were out of breath and mewling. He lifted his head and let your panties go. "Lay down, baby."

You pulled your legs up and spread out on the chaise as you came down from your high. Bucky stood and undressed as his eyes roved your body. He was thicker than Steve, his stomach not as toned but still in good shape. You realized you'd never seen him naked despite your lurid meetings.

He climbed up with you, again between your legs. He grabbed your legs and pulled them up to rest against his chest. Next he gripped you hips and dragged you down the chaise. His tip pressed against you and slipped between your folds.

He entered you and let out a long breath. You whined as he bottomed out. A flood of relief flowed through you and you reached back to claw the end of the chaise.

As he began to thrust, the chaise groaned and world seemed to quake beneath you. Each time he rocked his hips, he sped up just a little; faster, deeper. Your moans kept time with him and your voice rose in a symphony.

Your eyes rolled back and Bucky held your ankles against his shoulders as he hammered into you. Your back arched and you growled like an animal in heat. Your voice, his, the sound of your flesh together, drove you wild and bloomed in a paralysing orgasm.

Bucky's hand slipped down to your thighs and pushed your legs higher. He pounded into you and grunted louder and louder as he neared his peak. You egged him on as you reached around your hip to touch his thigh. 

He let go of your legs and pinned your hands beside your head as he raised himself on his knees. He fucked you harder as he held you to the plush cushion and you whimpered as another explosion shook your core. 

He sank into you with drawn out thrusts and snarled. He pulled out and released your wrists. His cum shot out along your pelvis and along your pussy. He spread it between your folds with his cock and leaned back on his heels. Satisfied.

"Bring her over here," Steve's voice scared you. You'd forgotten he was there. 

Bucky, panting and sweaty, took your hand and pulled you off the chaise. You followed him blindly, your head in a spin. Steve stood too, as methodical in undressing as Bucky. He smirked as Bucky sat you down and you slumped onto your side.

Bucky backed away as Steve lowered himself onto the couch. He pulled your leg up as he slid between you and the back of the couch. He hooked his thick arm under you and draped your leg over his. He played with your thrumming clit before he lined himself up with your entrance.

He impaled you slowly. He breath whisked across your cheek and he continued to play with your bud as he moved inside you. 

"She was a virgin, you know that?" He said to Bucky as he rocked his hips. "When we met. She's still tight, isn't she?" He nibbled your ear and growled as Bucky's shadow loomed in your peripheral.

"A quick learner," Bucky remarked. 

You barely heard their little aside. You were too bound up in this bliss to care. That voice in the back of your head was smothered by that louder one which had taken over of late. 

Who cared if they were using you, you were using them too. You enjoyed it just as much and why shouldn't you? Sex was sex and you were only human.

You lifted your head as Bucky neared and sat on the other end of the couch. He shifted so that your head was in his lap as Steve continued to fuck you. He turned your head and forced your mouth around his cock. He was still a little soft but quickly stiffened as you began to bob your head.

You found it harder to keep your mouth working as Steve's fingers and cock stoked your core. Bucky held the back of your neck to keep you from pulling away. You hummed around his cock and squeaked as you came in a series of twitches.

Steve turned you onto your stomach as Bucky stayed in your mouth. Steve pinned your legs with his thighs as he pounded into you and the cushions bounced under you. Their grunts were deep and rhythmic. Hypnotic, even.

"Ah, fuck, sweetie, I'm gonna cum," Steve growled. "Shit." 

He slammed into you one last time before he pulled out. He came on your pussy and added to the mess you'd become. Bucky didn't stop, didn't waver as he guided your mouth up and down his length. You pushed yourself up just a little and tended to him fervently.

"Shit," Bucky swore and caressed the top of your head. "I'm gonna cum all over your face, baby. Come on."

He tugged on your hair and you removed your mouth with a pop. You stroked him with your hand and his cum spurted out along your lips and cheeks and dribbled down your chin.

You let go, out of breath, and Steve pulled you up by your arm and let you pant against the couch. You were shaky, numb but oversensitive, your vision hazy and yet vivid. You tasted Bucky's salty cum and your fingers dipped between your legs to feel the slickness there.

"Do you understand, sweetie?" Steve spoke softly as he pushed your hair back and kissed your temple. "When I leave, Bucky will take care of everything you need. Can you be a good girl for him?"

You nodded dully and your eyes lolled over to look at Bucky as he leaned back and sighed. Steve's hand fell, traced the line of your collar bone, cupped your tit, and walked along your stomach to the top of your vee.

"You want another drink, sweetie?" He coaxed. "A little break?"

You blinked and licked your lips, the cool cum was sticky. You placed your hand on Steve's and pushed it between your legs. "I don't need a break."

[lovelyrocker]

Love Is Blind Ch.24

~ RPF

~ Characters: Jensen Ackles, Lexi Ackles(OFC), Jared Padalecki, Jesse(OMC), Bethany(OFC), Dr. Turner(OFC)

~ Pairings: Jared x Lexi(Sorta,kinda)

~ Warnings: Talk of Suicide, Talk of Alcohol abuse and Drug abuse, Slight Smut, Angst(of course), Mental Health Situations, 

~ Word Count:7,288

~ Un Beta’d - All Mistakes are my Own

~ *FEEDBACK IS GOLD*

Love Is Blind Masterlist

<Previous Chapter

Lexi had been in the hospital for going on seventy two hours. Other than the four hours Jared had left to clean up and try to sleep, Jared didn’t leave Lexi’s side. Between the blood loss an overdose, alcohol poisoning and her heart stopping, her body was going to need more time to recover. When Lexi woke she’d worked herself into a panic attack in Jared’s arms. Out of fear of putting stress on her already delicate heart,the nurses came in and sedated her in a mess of of rushed apologies and greetings of relief and tears. 

Lexi’s anxiety took over the minute she saw the bandages on her wrists, giving her a short lived calmness of seeing Jared. The realization of what she had done smashed into her like an anvil. She was filled with sadness and regret that she’d been so stupid. She wanted to apologies but couldn’t speak. He throat was raw and every sound felt like needles. 

The next twenty four hours Lexi woke  underwent dozens of tests. Neurological, to make sure her brain function was normal. Physical, to see how she was about to function. But most importantly, psychiatric. She spoke with a Psychiatrist for a bit, not saying much. She was still groggy through most of it and her body hurting from being shocked after her heart stopped.

Lexi was sedated again, resting, while Jared and Jensen sat diligently at her bedside. “You’ve been here for a while. Go home and get some rest.” Jensen told Jared.

“I’m good.”

“Jare,”

“Jay, I’m fine.”

“Go home, see your kids, eat, sleep.” Jesen lifted a hand when Jared went to protest.  “Don’t even. Doctor said she’ll be out til the morning, at least.” He looked down at his watch. “It’s nine pm. Go. I got this for the night.”

“Promise me that you will call if she wakes up?”

“You know I will.” Jensen assure his friend.

~

It was eleven PM now. Jared stopped by Genevieve’s t see the kids for a bit, then swung by Danneel’s to say a quick hi and pick up a few things from Lexi’s  room he’d thought she’d like.

Jared sat in his bed with Lexi’s journal in his hands. Why did he take it from her room at Jensen’s? He remembered the day he gave it to her. It was in Jensen’s trailer a few days after her sixteenth birthday. He had searched for weeks but couldn't figure out what to get his best friend’s little sister. He’d seen her journaling on set one day and noticed she was nearing the end of the small notebook. So he looked at all  the nearest bookstores but never saw anything he thought she would like. They were either too small or too bulky. Too plain, to girly, nothing that fit her style or her personality. That’s when he took the internet and design her a journal. One she could add to, one she could carry with her easily. She’d never used another journal since. 

He tapped his thumb on the cover of the black leather debating whether or not he  wanted to read it. Did he have it in him to invade her privacy? Would he like what he would read?  Lexi was currently laying half sedated in a hospital bed with four inch cuts on both her wrists. Now was not the time for privacy. Now was the time to find out why. More so, what could he have done to stop her. He opened it to a random page and began reading.

 I woke up this morning and for a split second I didn’t hurt. Then I remembered I’m 2200 miles from Jared. That’s when the empty sinking feeling set in.

He swallowed hard and flipped a few pages over.

Today was another bad day. Jensen keeps trying to talk to me but after what he did, I don’t care what he has to say.

Jared stood placing the journal down and went to the kitchen. When he walked back into his room he had a glass and a fifth of whiskey. He had decided that if he was doing this he was gonna need some liquid courage. He turned the pages to the beginning and began again. He mostly flipped and skimmed through reading over the entries.  It was mostly school, work, college choices, school boys, friends, normal teenage things. The handwriting was  different. Softer more carefree. Then he scanned a page that made him pause. 

I have a big problem. I think I have a crush on Jared.

He gave a small smile and kept reading.

Very cliche’ I know! Little sister having a crust on her brothers bestie. But it’s weird, i’ve never looked at him like that until I moved to Vancouver and I have no idea why. 

Then again, how could I not have a crush on him? The man is fucking gorgeous! 

Jared gave chuckle and flipped a few more pages.

I think I’m losing my mind. No way in hell was Jared flirting with me, right? It's in my head, it has to be! He is like  16 - 17 years older than me. That's almost two decades!! But then he looks at me with those piercing eyes and I suddenly forget how even breath. And when he touches me, my whole fucking body is electric. 

Jared let out another chuckle. He knew she made him feel like that but didn’t know that so early on, she felt the same way. 

I’ve never thought a kiss would make my heart literally stop. I feel like that everytime he kisses me. That can’t be normal, right? And I know he wants to take things slow but God, I want him. I know he wants to respect Jensen and I know he is scared because he has WAY more experience. But when we have sex its something that Ive never felt before. Even when we had sex the first time it was so different from with Chris. 

Jared paused just seeing Chris’ name on the paper. 

With Chris it all seemed rushed. Like he couldn’t wait to fuck. It was all pulling and rough. More focused on what he wanted.  Jared was different. He was gentle and careful. I could tell he wanted me but he also wanted to feel me. He took his time and made me feel like I was everything. He still does.

Jared downed his drink and flipped through a few more pages stopping when he saw the handwriting change again.

I hate feeling like I can’t control my life! Every always know whats better for me. Jensen knew better when he made me and jared break up. Jared knew better when he told me to leave and basically forget about him. What about me? What about what i want?! At least chris gives me the benefit of the doubt. He gives me the chance to make up my own mind.

Jared looked at the date and saw it was about three months after she’d moved to L.A. She was diagnosed around this time. He could tell the differences in her handwriting. It was a tell tale sign of her moods and her ups and downs. Jared adjusted his position and several folded papers slide out of the folded back of her journal. 

Dear Jared, I'm above the clouds right now on my way to Austin. My chest aches because all I can think about is you. I know Jensen thinks he is doing the right thing but how can it be right if you and I are hurting this much? The main reason I guess i'm writing is to let you know I get it. I get why you told me to go

Jared swallowed hard pouring another glass of whiskey before finishing and moving on to another paper.

Dear Jared, 

Today didn’t hurt as much. I miss your text messages and phone calls. 

Dear Jared,

I finally got out of the house for a few hours today. It wasn;t bad. Went to a movie with some friends. I was missing you by the end of the night. No one to tell my night to.

Dear Jared,

Tom reminds me so much of you! Gen came by with the kids today and even though she looks at me like she wants to kill me, I’m happy I got to see the boys.

It was letter after letter that she wrote as if she would be having a conversation with him. This was how she coped with not having her best friend anymore. Even though she knew she probably would never mail a single letter, she still wrote and told Jared about her days. The letters went from almost daily to a few a week. Then every few weeks until she left for L.A. Then the handwriting changed again. 

Dear Jared,

L.A. is nice. I’m sure it would be better if you were here with me. I’m managing to deal with everything pretty well. 

Dear Jared, 

  I saw Chris today. He is doing well and getting help.

Dear Jared,

I want to tell you how much i’ve missed you, how much I still love you. I’ve thought of the day you;d be standing in front of me again so I could tell you. But when I saw you I was so mad!

Jared fought back a tear as he kept reading.

You were worried I would recent you for being with you but truth is I recent you for not being with me.

Jared swallowed hard as he flipped to another letter. He saw one dated the night before she hurt herself.

Dear Jared,

  I’m sorry. For being so mad at you. For pushing you away. For such a headcase and making things difficult. I wish things would have been different. That they could have been different. Maybe things were supposed to happen this way. I don’t know. All I do know is you were one of the best things to happen to me. And I want you to know that I love you and none of this is on you.

Always, Lexi

She was saying goodbye. He took another long sip from his glass emptying it. Jared flipped through another handful of of letters and a few more pages of her journal before getting up from his bed, dressing and heading back to the hospital.

~

The nurse walked into Lexi’s room at six am with an I.V. bag of fluids. She was quiet as she walked through the room as to not wake up Jensen who was sleeping on the small couch in the room, feet propped up on the edge and his head on the other, arms crossed over his chest.  And, Jared was on his side next to Lexi in her bed. His head nestled close to hers on the pillow, arm resting across her belly, hand on hers. 

The machine beeped and Jensen blinked awake looking over at the nurse.  “I’m sorry, sir.” The young nurse whispered.

“It’s fine.” Jensen whispered back sitting up the couch squeaking waking Jared.

Jared climbed out of Lexi’s bed and looked at the nurse. “Everything alright?’

“Yes, sir. Just hanging more fluids.” The nurse said to Jared as she pressed a code into the machine. “Her vitals are staying steady.” She told Jensen as he stood next to the bed. “I have a few papers that need signing. I have two contacts on her list?”

“That’d be me.” Jensen raised a hand.

She held the clipboard in her hands. “Which are you, Mr. Ackles or Mr. Padalecki?”

Jared and Jensen both looked at the nurse then to one another in surprise. “SHe has me as an emergency contact?” Jared questioned. 

“More than that.” She looked at the papers in front of her. “You’re Jared Padalecki?” Jared nodded. “You and Mr. Ackles are on a form stating that if anything happens to Ms. Ackles all legal and Medical decisions are to be made by the two of you.” She showed Jared and Jensen a copy of the legalized document. “How are you two related?”

“I’m the brother he’s her boytoy.” Jensen told the nurse casually. “Ma’am when was this document made?”The nurse pointed at a date. “That the year she moved to L.A., look Ellie even signed as a  witness.”

“You didn’t know about this?” Jensen asked him and Jared shook his head. “I’m sorry,” Jensen told the nurse. “What do I need to sign?”

“The first two. It’s consent to treatment for the neuro exams and the other is for billing.”

Jensen signed the papers and the nurse left then he shifted his attention to Jared. “You really didn’t know.”

Jared looked up from Lexi. “Not a clue.”  He gave her hand a squeeze. “She is always full of surprises.” 

“What time is it?” They heard a raspy mumble.

“Lexi?” Jared looked down to see her squirming in the bed. “Hey, baby girl.” He cooed.

“Can I get some water?” She asked trying to sit up

“No, no, don’t sit up.” Jared held up his hands.

“Don’t push yourself.” Jensen handed her a cup with a straw.

Lexi sipped the water and handed the cup to Jared who placed in on the small rolling tray. “How do you feel?” Jared asked. 

“Tired. Kinda groggy.” Her eyes focused on her hands in her lap, instant tears welling. “I’m so sorry,” Both men were at her side in an instant, arms wrapped around her tightly. “I didn’t, I-I just wanted the pain to stop.” She sobbed into Jensen’s chest.  “I couldn’t stop it. It was like I couldn’t breath, my chest was so tight and heavy.” Lexi wet on looking up at Jensen. “I felt like I was on autopilot and once I’d done it, it all just went away.”  She looked between them. “How could I be so stupid?” 

“You’re not stupid, you’re sick.” Jared pulled her close.

“Lex, why didn’t you tell us you were bipolar?” Her brother  took her hand.

“Things were calm and good. For the most part.” She wiped her eyes leaving her head on Jared’s shoulder.  

Two more days past and Lexi began to regain her strength, slowly. She managed to get by with no brain damage but suffered from headaches. Her heart was undamaged as well but the doctor still insisted she remain taking this as slow as possible.  Her mental health was a different story.

“Hey, Jay.” Lexi spoke gaining both Jared and Jensen’s attention. “When can I go home?”

Jensen sat on the edge of her bed and took a breath. “I kinda been wanting to talk to you about that.” He took Lexi’s hand in his and looked her in the eye. “I talked to the doctors and they think that you should go to a place to get some help.”

“You want to send me to a mental hospital?!” Lexi shot up in the bed.

“No, no.” Jared said quickly sitting on the opposite side of her. “It’s a treatment center-”

“You’re in on this, too?!” She looked at Jared horrified.

“Baby girl, listen to us.”Jared said calming her as he placed a hand to her cheek.her face. “It’s not a hospital. It’s a treatment center, kind of like a mental health rehab. The doctors want you to get back on the proper medication and dosages. For that to happen you need to be monitored for a few days or so.” She shook her head in protest as tears threatened to spill from her eyes. ��We would never send you somewhere if we weren’t absolutely one hundred percent sure it was a good place and you would be taken care of and safe. It’s run by the same doctors that run the practice I go to. I wouldn’t trust you with just anyone, you know that.”

Lexi looked from Jared to Jensen knowing this wasn’t a discussion. “How long?”

“Two, Three weeks, at least.” Jensen said with a small exhale.

Lexi shut her eyes as a single tear escaped. “Where?” She asked swallowing hard as she looked back at them. 

“Like I said, here in Austin. We’d be able to visit you while in treatment.” Jared told her.

~

By the next afternoon she was being shown to her room at the Austin Recovery Center. It was the last place she wanted to be but she knew it was something she had to do. Her room held two beds and was plain. The building was on the outskirts and on several acres of beautiful full green pastures. In fact, the place reminded her of an old ranch, without all the animals. 

Lexi spent the first few days in her room trying to be okay with the fact that she was away from the people that kept her sane. She’d cry then she’d get angry then she’d cry again. 

Her new shrink, Dr. Turner, was a brunette woman that had a bubbly personality. Reminded Lexi of herself a few years ago. Dr. Turner suggested Lexi began taking Lithium again and wanted to make sure the dosage was correct. Three session with Dr. Turner a week along with group every day. Lexi didn’t like the idea of group too much. She didn’t like telling her therapist things much less an entire group of people she didn’t really know.

Which brings her to where she is today. A week and a half of being in treatment and she still hasn’t opened up much. In group she hasn’t opened up at all. So she sat quietly in her chair, knees up to her chest, listening as the other patience spoke.

“I wanna know why the new chick never talks.” Jesse, a young man, early twenties, long, dark brown layered hair nearly to his shoulders and light blue eyes spoke. “Do you think you’re better than us?”

“Not at all.” Lexi shifted her eyes to him but moved nothing else.

“She speaks!” Jesse said lifting his hands. “I was starting to thing you didn’t have a tongue or something.”

“I just don’t like talking to people I don’t know.” Lexi answered still not lifting her head.

“Well, you’ve been listening to us babble for over a week. Don't you think you know enough to share a little?” Jesse asked moving his dark hair away from his face.

“What do you want to know?”

“Is Lexi your real name or nickname?” A girl, Bathany, a bottle blond, very thin, asked across the circle.

“Nickname.”

“What’s your real name then?” Jesse asked.

“Alexia”

“That’s pretty, why change it?” He asked.

Lexi simply shrugged. “A nickname my brother gave.”

“Why are you in here?” Bethany asked again. “Aren’t you a model or some shit?”

“Language.” Dr. Turner, who was leading the group that day, spoke.

“I did model, yes.”

“Then, why are you in here?” The girl asked again. “Isn’t your brother like really famous, too?”

“Yeah, he is.”

“You say that like money and fame fixes shit.” Jesse said towards the other girl.

“For some people it would.” The girl spat. “So why are you here. You’ve been sitting in group for almost two week and said nothing. You never talk outside of group either.”

Lexi looked at Dr. Turned who nodded her head as a sign of motivation to speak. “I tried to kill myself.”

“How?” Jesse asked sitting forward, curious.

“I  drank a bottle of whiskey, took a handful of vicodin and slit my wrists.” 

“Damn, you really wanted to get the job done.” Bethany said with a grin.

“Okay, that’s enough for today.” the Doctor spoke.

Lexi sat on the grass looking out at the flower filled fields across the property. The wind was warm against her skin as she watched the birds fly.

“So, you care for company?” Jesse said walking up.

“Sure.” She looked up at him as he sat down next to her.

“What are you doing out here alone?” He asked looking at her.

“I like the view. Jesse, right?”

“Yeah.” He nodded looking at her carefully. 

“How are your cuts?” She asked pointing to his bandaged forearms.

“Better. You?”

“Okay, I guess.”

“You really tried to kill yourself?” He asked bluntly as Lexi gave him a nod. “How and why?”

“I told you in group.”

“That was a watered down version.” He told her.

“I drank a fifth of whiskey then walked over to my-” She paused and corrected herself. “A friend’s house and took a handful of his pain pills. After sitting on the floor I took his razor and just cut.”

“Why?”

“I just didn’t want to feel anymore.” She looked at him. “The minute I heard my friend’s voice I knew I’d made a mistake but it was too late.” She took a breath. “Does that satisfy your curiosity. Is it enough info to run back and tell the little bitchy blonde in hopes of getting in her pants?”

“I-”

“I am not stupid. I learned how to read people years ago.” She turned her attention back to the field.

“Maybe I just changed my mind on that.” He was clearly intrigued.

“You’re not getting into my pants either.” She said with sass.

“Wow, you are a feisty one, aren’t you?” Jesse gave a cheeky grin.

“You have no idea.” A deep voice came from behind them.

Lexi turned to see Jared standing there with his hands in his pockets and a visitors tag clipped to his shirt. “Jared?” Lexi stood looking at him her heart began to race at the sight of him. The last time she saw him she was still in the hospital. “What are you doing here?! Oh, Jared this is Jesse, he is in my group. Jesse this is Jared-”

“The friend?” Jesse said with a smile looking at her. “Hey, nice to meet you.” Jesse extended his hand to Jared.

Jared shook his hand. “You too.”

“I’ll leave you two.” Jesse turned walking away.

Lexi turned to Jared and he gave a hesitant, nervous chuckle, clearing his throat. “Can I- can I hug you?”

“Of course!” She wrapped her arms around his shoulders.  “My God, I’m so happy to see you. I’ve missed you.” 

“I’ve missed you too.” He leaned his head on hers. He took a step back and looked at her. “You, you look good.”

“Liar,” She looked away trying to hide her redding cheeks. “I look like crap.” 

“Nonsense.” 

 “Come on, let’s sit.” She guided him to a bench.

“Seriously, you look great. Your cheeks are a perfect pink.” He said giving her cheek a small touch. “How do you feel?”

“Tired mostly. I have these really bad headaches. Doctors say it could be from my meds or from the trauma of all that happened.” She fiddled with her hands in her lap. . “I- I like the beard.”

“Yeah?” He ran his hand over his facial hair. “We finished filming like a week ago.”

“Ahh, so it’s hiatus beard time.” She said with a smile tucking her hair behind her ears.

Jared saw the bandaged on her wrist and gently took her hand. “Are you healing okay?”

“Yeah. They’re just itchy.” She looked up at him. “How about you? How are you with all of this?”

“I’m good.” He spoke and she gave him a look, a look he knew well. A look letting him know she didn’t believe him. One look and he gave in. “Alright, I lied. I’m worried about you.”

“I know.” She placed her hand upon his cheek. “But, you don't have to. I’m okay. I feel a lot better being on medicine again. It was adjusted to higher dose last week.”

“That’s good. I’m glad you’re sticking to the doctor’s instructions.”

“I should have never stopped taking my meds. I felt good. I figured I was better.”

“A lot of people do that. That’s why they tell you talk to a doctor before stopping your meds.” He placed his hand on hers. “Oh, Jay told me to tell you he misses you and you need to get your ass better so you can come home.”

“I’m actually surprised he wasn’t here with you.” She gripped his hand a bit. “He has been here every visitation day since I got here.”

“He called me and asked if I would like to come see you. I asked if he was coming but he said I could come just me.”

“Really?”

“I was just as surprised as you.” Jared told her.

 Lexi nodded. “I’m glad you came. So, Are the kids good?”

“Yeah. They actually ask about you a lot.”

“Awe, I miss them.” She smiled.

“Oh,” He pulled a few pictures out of his pocket. “I have something for you.”

It was all photos  of the kids playing at his place in Austin. “Oh, look at them!” She boasted. “They’ve gotten even bigger.” She said as she flipped through seeing different picks of Jared and Jensen with them as well as Danneel and Genevieve.

“Odette is starting to crawl.

“Is she?” Her eyes sparkled. “And the twins?”

“Are just like Jensen in every way.”

“Poor Danneel.” She giggled flipping through the pictures still. “It’s only been a few weeks but seems so much longer.”

“Tell me about it.”

“Here you go.” Lexi handed him the photos.

“Oh, no, those are yours to keep. I asked the doctor and she said it was okay.” He looked around and reached into his jacket pocket. “Actually. I have one more for you.” He handed her a picture of the two of them together from when they were together. 

Lexi looked at the picture of the two of them snuggled together outside by a fire. One of the few times they had gotten to be outside like that together. “This is one of my favorite pics of us.” 

“‘I know.”  He smiled down at her, the glimmer in her eyes filling his heart. “That’s why I brought it.”

“Thank you. It means a lot.”

The two hour visit went by a lot faster than they’d liked. We they hugged before he left, Jared held on a little longer, a little tighter than he needed. Just the feeling of having her in his arms, so warm and full of life. It’s what he needed after finding her cold and lifeless in his bathroom. Lexi could see in his eyes the longing he felt.

 Lexi sat in Dr. Turner’s office watching as the doctor settled into her position across from her. “So, you had a visitor today.” The doctor began. “Who was it?”

“Yeah, Jared.”

“How do you know Jared?”

“He’s a friend. Also my brother’s best friend.”

“Oh?” Lexi nodded. “Is that all?” The doctor challenged. “Just you and your brother’s friend?”  

“I don’t know what we are to be honest.” She said looking down at her hands as she picked the remaining nail polish off.

“Why is that?”

Lexi looked at her therapist and took an audible breath. “What I tell you can’t leave this room, right?” Lexi eyed her. 

“As long as you or anyone else isn’t in any danger, that’s correct.”

“So if I tell you some stuff that happened like two years ago, even though it’s not really bad but some people may not approve, you can’t say anything? Right?”

“Unless you’re hiding a dead body someplace, no.” Dr. Turner chuckled.

“Okay, um, Jared and I have… history.” She looked at the doctor. “Like romantic history.”

“I see. Why do you see that as a problem?” The doctor scribbled something down.

“Because I was a minor at the time. I - mean sorta but not really.”

“Oh?” Her eyebrow lifted.

“Not Like a kid, but I was seventeen the first time we slept together.” Lexi’s hands were sweaty as she rubbed them on the knees of her pants.

“How old was he?”

“Thirty two. And I know that sound really bad.”

“Lexi, why are you jumping to defend this to me? That’s legal.” The doctor asked as she wrote in her notebook again.

“Because,” She sighed with an eyeroll.  “I know what you’re thinking and what you want to say even though you can’t say it.”

“Is that so?” The doctor studied her for a moment. “Lexi, do people know about and Jared’s past?”

“A Handful of people.”

“Did they react unfavorable?”

“My brother threatened to have him thrown in jail for statutory rape.”

“You brother who is his best friend?” Dr. Turner added.

“Yeah. But that’s not the worst of it.” Lexi scoffed.

“I’m guessing the world wind love you told me about was Jared?” Lexi nodded. “Tell me What happened?”

“See, I was living with Jensen and Jared up in Vancouver where he worked. When he found out he made me move back down to Texas and forced us to cut all ties. When really hurt because Jared was my friend, he was my person, you know?” The doctor nodded. “And things just went south after that.”

“How so?”

“Well, first my sister-in -law Danneel through a party with Jared’s ex wife and Jared had to be there for support and all. That night we ended up sleeping together and the next day Jay found out. It was bad. That night Jared broke up with me for good.”

“That must have hurt you.” 

“It did.”

“When were you diagnosed?”

“A few months after I moved to L.A.” She watched as the doctor shook her head and wrote. “Why?”

“Lexi, can I be frank with you?”

“That’s kind of your job.”

Dr. Turned put her book down and leaned forward a bit. “When you’re symptoms began you were focused on Jared. That’s why you didn’t notice them. You were young and in love and it's easy to misplace the highs and lows.”

“So you’re saying, you’re saying I wasn’t in love I was sick?!” She looked at Dr. Turner neary horrified.

“No, no! That’s not what I'm saying! Not at all! I’m saying it seems to me, Jared kept you grounded. When you were forced to cut contact, you lost your anchor.”

“So you’re saying this is Jensen’s fault?” Lexi asked even more confused.

“I’m not saying that, either.” Dr. Turner held up a hand. “Do you feel like it’s Jensen’s fault?”

“No! I mean, I was mad at him at first but I understood and I’m over it now.” Lexi pushed her long, now auburn hair back from her face. “That was the first and only time I’d ever really been that angry at my brother. See, aside from Ellie, Jared was my best friend.”

 “And with Ellie off at college that left Jared. You began to go down and you had no one to catch you so you spiraled.” Dr. Turner” explained. “Lexi, tell me, when you hurt yourself, where were you?”

“Why?” She asked with a small shake of her head.

“You were at Jared’s?” The doctor saw the look of confusion growing on Lexi’s face. ‘Weren’t you?”

“How did yo-” Lexi shifted in her seat. “Uh, yeah, I, I to his house when he wasn’t home.”

 “Why?”

“Because I felt safe?” Lexi answered with no hesitation but paused, a look of extreme horror on her face and tears in her eyes. “And he, he found me.” 

“Did you want him to be the one that found you?”

“No, no, I just wanted to be somewhere I-I,” She quieted not being able to speak. The doctor saw her emotions flashing in her eyes as she recalled that day. “He sounded so far away but I could hear him screaming my name.” Her lip quivered as she spoke the sudden unexpected wave of emotions came down on her. “I could feel him grabbing me and begging me to wake up.” That’s when she broke. “Oh God, how could i do that to him? How could I let him find me like that?”

Dr. Turner moved  next to Lexi and held her. “Because you had no control at that point, it was your illness, not you.”

“He had crap he has to work through, too. How could I be that selfish?” Lexi looked up at her.

“Lexi, when you aren’t medicated and your illness takes control, it’s not you anymore. I’m sure he knows that. If he is as educated in mental health as you say, i’m sure he knows.”

Lexi’s mind was spinning. She’d always wanted to keep Jared safe. She never wanted to drag him into the mess she called a life. She felt as if she’d betrayed him. As if she let him down in the worst possible way.

That was the last time Lexi talked to Dr. Turner in recovery. That breakthrough was what Lexi needed to truly clear her head. She was released from the recovery center but wasn’t ready to be on her own yet in L.A. Although Ellie would be there, she felt she wasn’t at the point to be around all her old triggers. Since her mom and dad were traveling a lot due to her father’s work, Lexi opted to stay at Jensen’s instead of being home alone in Dallas. Lexi much preferred to be around family than alone in a huge house. Not to mention Jensen wouldn’t take no for an answer. 

Lexi would continue to see Dr. Turner in office one to two times per week and ground at least once a week. More if she felt she needed. Her group was similar to an A.A. group. Except instead of drinking the people were anxiety ridden. depressed self harmers. They even had sponsors of a type, “buddies”. Your buddy would depend on you in his/her times of need and vise versa. It gave them responsibility for their actions.

It had been two days since Jared was back in Austin having started filming again, and he still hadn’t contacted Lexi. So, being curious, that afternoon she made her way down the stone path along Lake Austin till she came up on Jared’s backyard. 

He was sitting in a wicker patio chair with his guitar in his lap. Lexi smiled as she walked up the path listening to him strum. Standing just feet away she stopped and watched him for a while. When he glanced up and saw her he stopped playing. “Lexi.” He placed the instrument down and stood. “What are you doing here?”

“I got home a few weeks ago.” She said with her hands in her back pockets. “I thought you would have stopped by when you got home the day before yesterday, but-”

“I was- I did..” Jared shoved his hands in his pockets. “I pulled in the drive but never got out of the car.”

“How come?”

“I didn’t know if I should. I didn’t want to mess up your recovery.” He admitted looking at his feet for a moment. “I’d only seen you the one time in treatment. I didn’t know if you-”

“If I’d be pissed at you now?” 

“Yeah.”

“So, you tell me you won’t push me away this time and you help me then completely disappear after I get released?” She waved a hand.

“You heard that?” He asked in disbelief. “You heard what I Said when you were unconscious?”

Nodding her head. “Most of it, yeah.” She took a step toward him. “Jared, can we talk?”

“Yeah. Come in, I’ll get you something to drink.” He motioned to the door as she followed him in. “Beer, soda, water?”

 “Water is good. I’m kind of staying away from alcohol for now.” 

 “Of course.” He shook his head in realization as he grabbed a water from the fridge. “I’m sorry, I-’

“It’s okay.” She smiled softly taking the bottle of water from him.

They sat in the living room, Jared making a mental note of her physical condition. Her cheeks held a pink tone again and her lips were back to their red shade. She seemed to have more charisma in her although she did have a cautious air about her.

Placing her bottle down she looked at Jared and raised her hand to his cheek for a brief second before grazing along his stubble. “You look good, Jare.” She told him with an exhale.

“Are you okay?”

“Jared, I came here to tell you how truly, unbelievably sorry I am.” Jared gave her a confused look. “I didn’t think about how finding me like that-” Taking a pause for a breath she looked up at him. “I’m so sorry I did that to you.” She tried to hold back the tears that insisted on rising.

“Don’t be.” He told her. “I’m not.”

“What? How could-”

“Because if I wouldn’t have found you then you wouldn’t have been here today. I rather deal with that then putting you in a casket, do you understand me?” He told her holding her face between his hands. “Listen to me.” He gained her eyes and focus. “I heard you. I heard you before the paramedics came in. You said you were sorry.” Tears threatened to rise in his eyes. “You said you wanted to take it back.”

“You could hear me?” Her voice a whimpered cry.

“Always.” He pressed his forehead to hers. “I’ll always hear you, baby girl.” Touching his lips to hers for a moment he pulled back and looked at her. “Lexi, I love you.”

“Jared,” She looked down finding it hard to concentrate or even breathe looking into his eyes. When she glanced back up his eyes drew her in. His touches, swift and calculated, felt like fire through her body when he touched her. “My God, I’ve missed you.” She whispered between sweet, simple kisses.

In a mess of pulling and grabbing, they traveled up the stared to his bedroom dropping clothes from the door to the bed. All Jared wanted was to be inside of her again. He needed it like he needed air to breath.

Sliding into her Lexi gripped his arms burying her face into the crook of his neck, the scent of him filling her, heating her already heated flesh. She tangled her fingers into his silky long hair giving a slight tug, her hips rising from the bed as Jared grinded into her never letting the bodies part. Sweat beaded his forehead as Lexi pushed away the hair from his eyes, his lips finding hers easily.

~

Now they lay in his bed with the hot Texas sun shining in through the balcony windows. Lexi sat up, the sheet still pressed against her body knees to her chest. Jared laid with an arm behind his head and his other stretch out caressing her bare back with his calloused fingers.

“What are you thinking?”He asked her.

She stared into the bathroom. “How stupid I was.” She looked back at him. “How much I’ve screwed up over the past few years.”

Jared leaned forward pressing a kiss to her shoulder. “Don’t apologize for being sick. That’s something you couldn’t control.” Lexi looked into his eyes and a pang of guilt hit her. “I miss this. You and me, being together.”

“Me too.”

“But Jared, I have to be honest with you.” She faced him. “I’m not supposed to get involved with anyone for a while.” Looking down she felt Jared’s fingertips grazing her bare arms. “It’s part of my therapy.”

Leaning back he looked up at her. “I know.” Her eyes darted to him. “Well, I didn;t know but I had a feeling it would be.”  He Cleared his throat shifting to the edge of the bed. “Listen, why don’t we get dressed and head downstairs.” He slid into his Saxx and grabbed his shorts. “I’ll meet you down there in a bit. Take your time.”

Lexi dressed quietly and made her way down stairs thoroughly confused. Rounding the kitchen she heard Jared talk and stopped just within ear shot. “Yeah, she’s okay.” She heard Jared say. “I promise I'll bring her back later.” Lexi took a step closer trying to see if she could hear who was on the other line. “Jay, i’ll keep her safe.” Jared turned and saw Lexi standing there. “I gotta go.” He pulled the phone from his ear and looked at her. “How much of that did you hear?”

“Were you telling him you just got done nailing his little sister?” She said hoisting herself up on the counter. 

“No, I wouldn’t-”

“It’s a joke, Jare.” She said with a smile. “So what was this? Just a quick hit before it's too late?” She eyed him. “What’s going on? If you knew I had conditions to my treatment why didn’t you stop what just happened?”

“Lex,” He grabbed her hand and pulled her from the counter and sat her in chair at the breakfast nook. “Listen, I need to tell you something.” He walked to a drawer and opened it. “I took your journal.” He held he worn book in his hand.

“Why?” She looked up from where she sat unsure what he was about to tell her. “Why would you do that>”

He placed the book on the table and sat next to her. “When you were sedated, I - I read it.”

Lexi looked down at her hands feeling her anxiety bubble to the surface. “You did?”

“And I found the letters.”

She stood from the table feeling mortified as she carefully pushed the chair beneath the table. “I should, um I should go.” 

“Wait, no.” He stepped closer to her and placed his hands on her arms.

 She backed away crossing her arms over her chest. “Please don’t.”

“I’m sorry.” He held up his hands. “I- I just, this isn’t going how I thought it in my head.” He huffed.

“You’re having conversations in your head but, I’m the one that just got out of the nut house.” She shook her head. “Hell of a match, aren’t we?” After everything her sarcasm remained.

He then ran a frustrated hand over his face. “Can I explain? Please?” He held out a hand for her to sit back down with him and she did. “I’m trying to tell you that I get it.” She gave another unsure expression. “I just,  I didn’t, I didn’t know I was, that you, ugh, damn it” He ran another frustrated hand over his face. “It was the same for me as it was for you.” He finally got the words out. “You kept me calmer, my anxiety was less, I felt like I could function on a whole new level when we were together. Even my bad days were good.” His confession poured out catching Lexi off guard. “I wanted to tell you that I know how it felt. It wasn’t just you. And, and being with you today, It was good to feel that again. Even if I know it won’t last.”

“Wow.” Lexi let the word out in an exhale. “I, uh, I think I should have went with that beer.” She chuckled.

“What? I, I mean, you’re not mad?” He asked astonished.

“Jared, if I was to trust my deepest more personal thoughts to anyone,” She reached taking his hand. “It’s you.”

Jared still held a guilty look. “I’m still sorry I invaded your privacy.”

“If you can forgive me for what I did, I certainly can forgive you for being so concerned.” Jared smiled at her and her heart fluttered. “Now what?”

“We focus on you getting better and know i’ll be here for whatever.”

“Jared you know I-”

“You don’t want me waiting for you, I know.” 

He kissed the back of her hands. “Just focus on you, okay?”

Next Chapter>

TAGS: @saxxxyjared @xostephanie @onethirstyunicorn @dreaminemz @squirrelnotsam​  @jbbarnesgirl @thevelvetseries​

[captnbarnesrogers]

The 5 Times Harry Styles Was Just Harry

Pairing/Characters: Harry Styles x Reader Warnings: Swearing, angsty-ish, oral sex (FR) Summary: In short, Harry is sweet, friendly, protective, attentive, and loving. Word Count: 4.3k+ A/N: Hope y’all like this!  

Harry Styles likes to consider himself a simple man. Excluding the fact that he’s an internationally known superstar. But he doesn’t really like to take to that label. It shouldn’t be mistaken that he doesn’t love his job because he does. He loves to perfom. There’s nothing more exhilarating to him than to be up on stage, singing his songs and his songs being sung to him right back. He’s grateful. But he is, nevertheless to himself, just Harry. Human.

He walks in the streets of New York City, the cold wind of fall sneaking its way through his jacket, the barely-there-heat of the sunlight striking through his sunglasses. He stops by a nice cafe, almost dimly lit as it always was, and enters it. He stops just in front of the cooler, looking at the options of croissants, muffins, cookies and such. He settles on a blueberry muffin and a latte. He waits in line behind a girl who seems to be scattering her things atop of the counter.

“Sorry, I just- Give me a sec.” He can tell she feels bad although the line behind her wasn’t at all long, it was just him. She sighs and looks down, placing her hand on her forehead, “I think I might’ve left my wallet at home. I’m sorry.” He takes a step in front of her and hands the cash to the cashier. She looks up at the man who’d just paid for her coffee, giving him a stare which could only mean ‘thank you’. He nods as she puts her things back into her bag; a few receipts, a little black book, some pens and her phone.

“Hi Harry.” Cassidy the cashier greets, “Just the usual?”

“Yeah, thanks, mind addin’ a blueberry muffin with tha’?”

“Not at all.” She replies with a smile. The girl, who Harry’s paid a coffee for, waits for him to grab his order. She’s hesitent. Just for a moment though. As he walks out, she chases after him.

“Harry?” The wind blows against her face, making her hair fly just across it. Harry turns around to be met by your soft features.

“Yeah?”

“I just wanted to thank you,” you gestured to your take-away cup, “life savior, you are.”

“S'all good…” Waiting for you to answer with your name.

“Y/N, my name’s Y/N.” You lend out your hand for him to shake, in which he does, “How can I pay you back?” He pauses for a moment and smiles.

“Jus’ don’ forget yeh wallet next time, though, I won’ hold it against yeh if yeh do, I won’ complain.” You giggled and nodded as he walked away.

Harry is sweet.

As soon as you stepped out of your bedroom door, a doe-eyed, Alexis (your college roommate) standing just outside, a smile widely plastered across her almost perfectly tanned face, you knew she needed something. You stared at her questioningly and walked straight past her but as you expected, she followed you like a lost puppy.

“What is it Alexis?” You asked, pouring some over-boiled coffee into an over-used mug.

“So, um one of the frat houses are hosting a party-” When the words left her lips, you laughed.

“What’s new?”

“Well I actually got invited this time.” You raised an eyebrow, asking who had invited her, “Foster Harding…”

“The star quarterback? What is this? A chick flick?” You laughed, sipping at your hot beverage.

“Y/NNNNNN, pleaseeeeee! It’s one party!” Alexis grabbed your arm and shook it. You sighed and walked away.

“I can’t, I have to study for the in-class case study, Lex.”

“C’mon, Y/N, there’s booze, food, boys… and BOOZE.” She hugged you and squeezed you tight, “Pleaseeee, pretty please?” You sighed once more and smiled at her.

“Fine, we need to be back before twelve, okay?” She squealed and jumped around.

“Yes! Okay! You got it!”

By nine o’clock, you were both ready to go. You chose to wear some jeans and an off-shoulder top with some chucks while your roommate decided on a dress and some heels which you knew she would regret later on that night. The frat house, which you both agreed to travel by foot on, was not even ten minutes away, seven minutes if you walked at the slowest pace. The fresh breeze felt so calming against your skin which was only to be ruined by the humid air inside the frat house. Heat and sweat surrounded you both with a touch of extremely loud music. Alexis dragged you through the crowd by hand and led you at the couches by the stairs. Two men stood up when they saw you both emerge from the crowd. One man, with almost angelic features, familiar to you already. He held his hand out for you to shake, the music in the background becoming slow and quieter.

“Y/N, this is Foster and Harry, Harry and Foster, this is Y/N.” You shook both of their hands and smiled at them.

“We actually kno’ each other.” Harry interjects. Alexis’ eyes widen and looks at you.

“Really now?” You nod your head.

“Hi Harry.” You hadn’t noticed before but he had yet to let go of your hand. You pull away softly and smiled at him. He gestured you sit down next to him.

“Well, Foster and I are gonna get some drinks, you guys want some?” Harry lifts his red cup and you shake your head.

“So, how are you?” You ask, making conversation with the curly headed man before you. He nods and smiles, taking a sip from his red cup.

“A’ve been alrigh’, tourin’ an’ stuff is busy, but I finally get a break from it all and get t’visit some mates.”

“That’s good.”

“Wha’ ‘bout you? Been bringin’ yeh wallet around I see.” He points at your purse, dangling from your wrist. You giggle.

“Yep, lesson definitely learned.”

“Do yeh go here?” He once again takes a sip.

“Colombia?” He nods, “Yes, I do.”

“Wha’s it like?”

“It’s good, just normal college stress but other than that, I’m doing pretty well.” From then on, you both couldn’t stop talking but from what you could hear, you were the only one who was talking, and he was listening.

“Okay, I feel like I’ve been conned.” He looks at you with concern in his eyes, “You’ve been listening to me all night and I’ve just been running my mouth, I mean, I don’t even know the first thing about you except that your name is Harry.”

“Wha’ d’yeh wan’ t’kno’? M’an open book.”

“Well, who are you? Other than that guy from One Direction that everyone pawns over.” He laughs, his eyes slightly squinting.

“Everyone pawns ov’a me?” You nod, hand over your mouth to cover a laugh, “Well, i’s a hard question, innit?” He starts to gaze over the now almost empty fraternity lounge. He looks back at you and smiles softly, “I like everythin’ t’be simple, I like coffee in th’mornin’s, m’favourite colours are blue an orange… When m’not workin’ m’prob’ly talkin’ t’Gemma, m’sister, or m’mum.”

“You are a very simple man, Harry Styles.”

“Thanks, I try t’be.” You looked down at your phone, 3:22 AM.

“Shit!” You stood up and looked around for a sign of Alexis who, right now, was nowhere to be seen.

“Wha’s wrong, love?”

“Time slipped away, I don’t know, it went so fast, I have a case study this morning.” You unlocked your phone and began ringing Alexis who failed to answer your call three times, “Alexis is supposed to be coming home with me.”

“She’s prob’ly with Foster.” He gently put his hand on your shoulder to calm you down from your frantic movements, “I could walk yeh home? Could always jus’ find m’way back, yeh live on campus, yea?” You nodded, “C’mon then.” He took you by the hand and let you outside where the air you were met with was cooler than the hours before. You both start walking and Harry notices your hand, rubbing your arms to warm yourself up, “Cold?”

“Just a bit breezy.” You chuckle. He takes off his plain black jacket and covers your shoulders with it, “Oh, thank you.”

“S’not a problem.”

“How long have you known Foster?” You turn to him.

“No’ too long, couple’f years, met him through a friend, he’s a cool kid.” You nodded, “Wha’ ‘bout Alexis? How long’ve yeh known her?”

“We met each other at orientation day and then we were put in the same dorm room, been best friends ever since.” There was a comfortable silence when you walked up the steps of your dorm, “Well, this is me.”

“This is you.” He chuckles, almost nervously if you observed it right.

“Thank you for walking me home.”

“I’s’all good, I really liked talkin’ with yeh, talkin’ so much tha’ yeh forgot wha’ time it was.” You giggled.

“I should go inside.” He gestured to the door.

“Go for it.” You waved him goodbye and began to trek up the stairs to your room. You went to go scratch your shoulder, only to realise that Harry’s jacket was still slung over you. You gasped and began running back down, meeting Harry going down your doorsteps.

“Harry!” You called out, making him turn around.

“Yeah?” You took off his jacket, handing it to him.

“Your jacket.” He looked down at it and smiled.

“Keep it, give it back when I see yeh again.”

“What makes you think that we’ll see each other again?”

“Nothin’, jus’ hopin’ you’ll forget yeh wallet when yeh come by the café tomorrow.” You laughed.

“Okay, ‘til we see again?” He nods and smiles before walking away.

Harry is friendly.

After your final exam, relaxation washes over you. Of course, Alexis suggests that you, Foster, some of Foster’s friends and herself should go out and get drunk to celebrate. An offer you could not refuse after the stressful years’ worth of work and never-ending panic attacks.

You all start the night off at a party in one of the frat houses, aiming to get a little buzzed. When the buzz started, you all left to visit a nearby bar, the aim, by now, to get absolutely plastered. Dimmed lights provided by two lamps behind the bar and fairy lights scattered fashionably against the walls and windows, decorated the almost too-crowded bar. You followed Foster, who was holding Alexis’ hand, towards a table in the corner. You felt a hand graze your backside, making you shift around to be met by Chase and Leo, two of Foster’s friends. They were both seeming to be chatting to each other, so you disregard the feeling bubbling inside you. A loud cheer disrupted your thoughts and as Foster shifted to the side, you were met by Harry’s eyes. The buzzed feeling throughout your body left so suddenly when he smiled at you. Your thoughts were once again disrupted when Chase slipped his hand around your waist, making you flinch and almost lunge forward. You nervously chuckled and pulled away from him to hug Harry.

“Hi!” Almost to cheerfully, you slapped yourself mentally.

“Yeh look good, love.” He comments on your skirt, turtleneck and chucks.

“Thank you.” Chase and Leo suddenly and forcefully move past you to introduce themselves to Harry who gives you a warm smile and them a restless but friendly greeting face. Foster, Chase, and Leo move over to the bar to grab everyone some drinks whilst Alexis goes to the toilet. You sit down and face Harry who couldn’t keep his eyes off of you. He notices your nervous jitters.

“Yeh okay, Y/N? Everythin’ alrigh’?” You nod, “Sure?” You nod again. Chase is the first one back out of the three of them. He places a drink right in front of you and his arm slings across your shoulder. Harry looks at the guy next to you, almost staring him down if you will. He felt uneasy around this guy, he couldn’t imagine how you would’ve felt with his arm around you. Chase pushes the drink towards you which was unusually bubbly.

“Actually, Chase, I’m taking a break for now, I’m feeling a bit sick, thanks though.” You push the drink away from you.

“C’mon, Y/N, don’t be such a party pooper.”

“I’m not,” you take his thumb between your forefinger and thumb and unsling it from your shoulders, “I just don’t want that drink and I can buy drinks for myself.”

“Whatever.” He says, taking a sip of his beer. You smile at Harry who was intently staring at Chase. You tap him with your foot, making him acknowledge your sweet smile. You stand up and walk to the bar. As you wait to be served, Chase appears right beside you, “I just bought you a drink, why don’t you drink that?”

“Not really a fan of vodka sodas.”

“Tell me what you want, I’ll get it for you, just go sit back down.” His smile was sluggish, a sign that he was beginning to be intoxicated. You shook your head.

“I’ll just get my own drink, it’s fine.”

“Why are you being like this, Y/N?” He slams his drink down on the bar top.

“Like what?”

“Rude.” You scoff.

“I’m not being rude, Chase, I just don’t want a fucking vodka soda!” Suddenly his hand was around your waist. He pulls you over to him. His breath smelling like beer and straight whiskey, “Chase, let go of me, you’re drunk.”

“You look so pretty, baby, you’ve been giving me the eyes all night.” Your palms meet his chest trying to push him away, “Come home with me, Y/N, I’ll show you a good time.” He leans forward, his lips puckered, and suddenly he was pushed away from you.

“She said let go, mate.” You hide behind Harry. His eyes were furious when the light at the bar shone on them. You held onto his arm.

“Harry.” You warn softly. You notice the drink Chase had offered you moments ago in his hand, untouched.

“I’d move away if I were you, man, this doesn’t involve you.”

“It does now tha’ you’ve tried t’kiss, m’friend when she clearly doesn’t wan’ anythin’ t’do with yeh.” Chase rolls his eyes and shoves Harry, “Yeh fuckin’ drunk, I suggest yeh go home.”

“Chase, go home.” You say firmly.

“Whatever, you’re a 2 outta 10 prude anyway, Y/N, you’d only be good for a pity fuck.” You feel Harry tense against you which made you squeeze his arm, gesturing that it was okay. Chase leaves, struggling to walk and as soon as he was out of the bar. You let out a big and much-needed breath. Harry turns around and caresses your cheek.

“Are yeh okay, Y/N?” You nod. He calls over a bartender who takes the drink away, “I knew somethin’ was wrong, m’sorry I didn’t tell him t’fuck off earlier.”

“You’re not obliged to.”

“But I wan’ t’.” He engulfs you in a hug, “It’d hurt me if somethin’ happened to yeh, lovey.”

“You’re too sweet, Harry.”

“Nah, I just like yeh an’ I care ‘bout yeh a bunch.” He kisses the top of your head. You pull away and look up at him with a smile.

“You like me?” He rubs the back of his neck and chuckles nervously, “I like you too, Harry.” He leans into you.

“Yeh okay with this?” You nod. He steals a kiss from your lips and smiles into you.

“God, that was good.” You say as you pull away before capturing his lips on yours once again.

“If anyone tries t’do tha’ t’yeh again, I’ll rip em t’shreds.”

“Go for it, tiger.” You laugh, pulling him in for another kiss.

Harry is protective.

It’d been a year after Harry asked you to be his girlfriend when you finally moved in with him. He was so happy when you said yes. You still remember the smile on his face and the way he lifted you up and kissed you all over. It really is true what they say, you don’t know a person until you live with them and up until you moved in with Harry, you thought you knew everything about him. But when you finally got to sleep in the same bed every night he was home, you discovered more things than you bargained for, though you were never regretful of it.

The door opened and your boyfriend, a man who was a sight for sore eyes, walked in and engulfed you into a hug, kissing your temple.

“Wow, you’re feeling extra loving today.” You giggle, placing a kiss on his cheek.

“Wha’? I can’t give m’girl a bit o’ lovin’?” You offered him a cookie which you had made that morning. He opened his mouth and you placed a cookie in between his lips for him to bite. He grabs the cookie as he bites it and compliments your baking, “So, when we first properly met-”

“At Foster’s party?” He hummed in response.

“Well, I ‘ave a surprise for yeh.” From the inside of black trench coat, he produced a brown paper bag. It was all too familiar to you. It had a chirpy bee on the front, waving ‘hello’.

“No way.” You grabbed the paper bag that was dangling in front of you and laughed in surprise when you opened the stapled bag. You pulled out the black and yellow tights and laughed, covering your mouth.

“I remembered yeh talkin’ ‘bout these tights tha’ night so I went on a hunt.” You jumped him and he wrapped his arms around you.

“This is amazing, thank you, Harry.” You pulled away from him, eyes flickering from his eyes to his lips. He caught on so quickly to your innocent little stare and smirked. He captured your lips between his and lifted you up onto the counter. He couldn’t care less about the fact that you squirmed when he touched underneath your thighs, complaining that they were “too big” or you were “too heavy”. He didn’t care. He loved every single inch of you. You felt his breath against your neck, making you laugh due to a ticklish spot, “Harry!” You laughed.

“Am absolutely not sorry.” He smiles against you.

“I know.” He licks a stripe up your neck, making you roll your eyes back. You feel him suck your skin, “Babe, I need to not turn up to my internship like I’ve been attacked by an octopus.”

“Fine, I’ll leave it in places they can’t see.” He trails kisses down your chest, your hands bunched up in his hair as you tremble in his hands. His hands were warm, his mouth pulling away from you as he lifts up your top, throwing it on the floor and going back to his assault down your shivering body. Your legs wrapped around his waist when you leaned back onto the counter, his lips still going down. You panted heavily when he rested his lips just above your pelvic bone. He looked up at you and smiled devilishly before licking his lips and pulling down your pyjama shorts. You inhaled sharply when he kissed your hooded nub before sucking at it. He lays his tongue flat and quickly licks up over and over again. You pulled his hair and cried out when his tongue delved into you, “Harry!” He rubbed your clit with his thumb as he flicked his tongue inside of you, “Oh god, oh fuck, oh fucking- OH MY FUCKING GOD, Har, Har, Har, I’m gonna cum!” His fingers dug into your quivering thighs, you gripped his hair tightly and cried out when you released all over his tongue. You panted and chanted out his name, his hand gripping your breast.

“Yeh so fuckin’ beautiful, pet.” You sat back up and kissed him passionately. He pulls away and whispers an ‘I love you’ against your lips. He bends down and grabs your top, passing it to you which made you look at him quizzingly.

“Don’t you want to?...”

“I ‘ave t’make a very important phone call but best yeh believe if yeh not on the bed an’ ready by the time I get back, tha’ arse will be red raw.” You kissed him once more before he steps out onto the balcony.

Harry is attentive.

Harry couldn’t have forgotten. You’d both been planning it for weeks while you were both in bed, whilst one was yelling out ideas from the shower. Today, there was not one phone call, one tweet, or one text. You couldn’t help but be a little upset. Harry couldn’t have forgotten your birthday. After all, he kept telling you it was the most important event of the year for him, “more important than Christmas an’ New Year’s combined”.

Harry dropped his bag by the door when he came in and sighed. You weren’t in sight and he just wanted to cuddle you. He called out your name but no response. He walked through the lounge room and through the kitchen but no sign of you. He stepped into your shared bedroom and saw you lying down scrolling through your phone. He slipped under the covers with you and wrapped his arms around you but you didn’t acknowledge his existence at all.

“Tried callin’ yeh when I came in, yeh di’n’t answer?” He points out, kissing your shoulder.

“Didn’t hear you.”

“Oh.” Cold. You were so cold towards him, “Tha’s alrigh’”. You kept scrolling through your Instagram, refusing to receive his small and soft touches, “Wha’dya wan f’dinner?”

“You pick.” He pulled away from your warm body and sat up. Confusion flushed upon his face. Had you had a bad day? Had he done something wrong? He did let you know he’d be out early to head to the studio. He couldn’t figure out why you were being so cold towards him. Next thing he knew, you’d thrown the covers off of your body and left the bedroom. He followed you into the kitchen almost instantly and he stood by the arch facing the sink and bit the inside of his lip. You filled the kettle with water and set it down to boil. You began to make your coffee, pulling out the coffee granules, sugar, and milk, only to be gently shoved over by your boyfriend.

“I’ll do tha’” He suggests. You shake your head and grab the mug, mixing everything together. He was so confused. He couldn’t handle it, “Did I do summat? Why yeh so angry at me?”

“I don’t know, Har, did you?”

“M’not a fuckin’ mind reader, lovey.” You sighed and poured the boiling water into the mug. You wanted to cry. He had completely forgotten.

“So much for the most important event of the year, huh?” You retorted, walking away back to the bedroom. He stood there in confusion. His thoughts interrupted by the alarm on his phone probably reminding him to call work or something. As he goes to turn off the alarm, his eyes widen, and he smacks himself.

Be home early to make Y/N’s Birthday Dinner – Don’t forget the Ben & Jerry’s Phish Food!

“Fuck!” He stood in the middle of the kitchen with a realisation; not only did he forget the Phish Food, but he had completely forgotten your birthday.

When you heard the door close, you let out a sob. This was your first major fight, the one that made you cry. You’d had smaller and pettier fights before, but nothing to the point where you had tears in your eyes. You get that he’s been busy and you’re usually super understanding, but you felt unimportant. You had no right, you felt, but you knew he’d think otherwise. Before you knew it, you had slipped into a short nap, tears still flowing out of your eyes.

You were woken up by kisses being pressed on your cheek. He tried to kiss away the marks of streaming tears from your eyes, but you couldn’t help but turn away. He hugged you tightly with the covers in the way.

“M’so sorry, lovey, m’baby love, m’so so sorry.” He whispers between chaste kisses against your neck, “I di’n’t mean t’forget, I promise.” You laid still on your side. There was a large space where you faced, and he used that opportunity to slide into that space and look at you face-to-face. He felt like a failure when he saw the streaks of tears again, “Talk t’me, lovey, please.”

“It’s fine, Haz, I get it, you’re busy, I’m so-”

“Don’t say it, I’m sorry, I forgot, I was payin’ more attention to m’job than m’girl.” He kissed you, smiling softly when you finally kissed him back, “I love yeh, baby love.” He pulled the cover off of your body after he stood up and carried you bridal style to the dining room. Your eyes widened and your covered your mouth as you laughed in surprise. You look up at him and he meets your adoring stare, “S’the least I can do.” He kissed into your hair.

“Thank you.” You whispered as he set you down on the dining chair where you were faced with a candlelit dinner. He walked over to the freezer and pulled out a tub of ice cream, “Phish Food!” You squealed, clapping your hands like a happy child.

“Yeh favourite.” He sat down across from you and looked at you longingly before telling you what was on the menu for tonight, “Carbonara and your favourite cake which we can eat with the ice cream later.”

For the rest of the evening, Harry was nothing short of his charming self. Stolen kisses here and there, soft touches against your thigh.

“I love yeh more than I could eva show, Y/N.” He leaned over and kissed you softly, “But I hope, m’more than enough.”

Harry is loving.

MASTERLIST

PERMANENT TAGLIST:

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[vicepoems-blog]

A collection of poems by a space alien named Abby

A twig lies in a sea of leaves Surrounded by the others Some cling the whole year round, to trees O’er fallen twigs, they hover Fallen down, ground leaves dye brown- no wind to carry lovers. Breeze blew by and knocked her off the branch, now sits here, smothered By mud, dust, sticks, rain drops, soft licks- as beaks pull back the covers. Digging through dead to search for life, to keep the wings a-flutter Twigs lack a comfort nest to rest when nature brings on thunder. ——————— Spinning downward Whirlpool drowning Bitter breezes Trees are frowning

Clocks tick faster Pressures mounting Pale as plaster Heart beats, bouncing

Flashing forward Day dreams bounding Where thoughts are bright With more profound things No present, past Sustain resounding Wood turns to ash Mind stuck in lounging Feeble attempts to accept surroundings Sweet struggles shift soul into higher grounding.

———————

Feather blowing in the wind Drifted close, a breeze-blown friend Felt you as my fingers bent Softness surrounding a slightly snapped stem I wake up cold, dreams of a gem Made up a mold, filled in split ends Carefree energy holds sweet things, as friends Strive to brush off, with clashing intent. Aiming to find, though passing of time Strength to overcome this misalignment Try to find reason, but can’t compile this Classic diversion of defiant Values envisioned, blind-state of content Drown in feelings sparked through wine and Sell them off as cheap consignment Try not to let drive fall behind, then Wake up to find how far the time’s bent Words allow to redefine, vent Sorting through jumbled letters, intertwining when Stacking rows and columns of rhymes, hence Attempts to make sense through unproved science From afar, I’ll hold you in the highest A cloud above the desert’s dryness.

———————

(When I don’t feel like writing, sometimes I make puzzles. The following poem is a mashup of several that seemed to fit together.) Cycles continue, much like the seasons Reflecting through fall, letting go when the leaves bend Unlike springtime sun, spreading soil to plant seeds in Trying not to give in- to feelings short of reason. Leaves trickle to the ground from the treetop, so tall Hanging from a limb, fearing the fall Exhales turn to mist as I gaze all the stars Perched high and pretty but they’re still so far. Not much of a singer- Though rhymes form through fingers No matter how loud, soft notes often linger Drawn out, sustained; though the spark's released like lightening As water retreats, tsunami wave's heightening. That which lifts you up Can also bring you down But which feelings should you trust When the sun comes back around?

——————— Flower moon envy as May nears its end  Full- Glowing green grass, feelings break, begin to bend  Filling up the night sky- hypnotizing sphere Glares down with a cross-eye, though it’s up I peer

Wind breaks the silence- an unknown car creeps by Try to be compliant, try to let go, though with night Comes unwanted feedback from the corners of the mind Ideas from tiny seed sacks grew too big- no longer mine

Sky so bright with moonlight- Cannot hide it from the blind Perhaps I hold on too tight- With no reason to the rhyme This will dissolve one day- As the moon, it wanes Hoping to forget the times love was confused for pain

Cycles continue- much like the seasons Reflecting through fall, letting go when the leaves bend Warm springtime sunlight, spreading soil to plant seeds in Trying not to give in- to feelings short of reason.

———————

Rays shine onto your skin Comforting bliss Feeling lingers through the evening  Hovering mist The next day wake Sensations replaced By a stinging cold chill Warm in the face That which lifts you up Can also bring you down Which feelings can be trusted When the sun comes back around? ——————— Time goes by so slowly, that time can do so much Light travels so quickly, stars fades within my clutch Pleasure blocked by pain Words dumbed down to bluffs Ever hiding ‘neath the surface Run out of feelings I can trust.

———————

Lingering in space comprehending the flying of time The stars within night’s blackness gleam like silver on a dime Lying under covers, confined- Am I the one committing the crime? Why hide trapped in space, when I could break free flying? Later perched on the rooftop alone, nothing to prove, only nature’s soft tone Sentimental space cadet searching for home- hair dancing through soft winds blown Sitting lonely in silence, patience, compliance- mind journeys through skies like a dove Searching for guidance amidst the horizons, hoping fear will not keep her from love.

——————— Problem, solution, climax, revolution Confusion, illusion, psychosis, delusion Impairment, improvement, resolution As seasons spin round like a lazy susan.

———————

Of the lovely letters that make up the words Like feathers make up the wings of a bird A good man told me these beautiful things The flow of the sentences made my heart ring “It was no pleasant accident Going over the facts again In my head, writing like I have a sack of pens No happy coincidence, more like synchronism Collective consciousness shines; light beams from a prism Our lives defined by choices executed Relationships of love or others ill suited The prism reflected through eternity & fate Life holds surprises like flowers to a vase. One of these days you’ll be something great But first you must open the eyes on your face.”

———————

Some fade away Into the dark, they go Toward their own light Surrender to their own flow Not all paths coincide But I’m happy to have seen The light in your eyes Hope you know how much it means. Wishing you well on your journeys And accept this here divide We’ll meet somewhere in the middle When the tide isn’t so high. Perhaps during a full moon Within glee our gloom Reconnect once we’ve slept it off Once we’re back in tune.

———————

A seed not meant to be planted in the ocean But sprouted anyway, leaking toxic notions Molecules multiplied, infesting as erosion Rippled- butterfly effecting- cold water encrosion.  Never meant to happen Though thought maybe it’d make sense To drop the seed into what gives it life Not knowing the expense Too much, too little, split-end bow to a fiddle In attempt to build one up, one succeeds to belittle.

———————

The earth spirals Through one universe, of many Just a drop into the ocean To a millionaire, a penny Two strange combinations Of stardust combine Weaving webs of fate together All threads intertwined Shifting the energy Surrounding the subconscious Thus aligning fates awaiting No need to be so cautious.

———————

I fell through a haze Of polluted vapor Landed in a daze Of cursive on paper Slid down a rainbow, as prisms bent light, Led by a breeze, concealed from plain sight. Leaves trickle to the ground from the treetop, so tall Hanging from a limb, fearing the fall Exhales turn to mist as I gaze all the stars Perched high and pretty, but they’re still so far.

———————

Nights spent in silence Staring through glass A fish-eye lens view; Distorted mask All things unmoving Not living, just still Monotonous existence In attempt to refill. A knock on my door Creating vibrations; Stir up a breeze In my imagination. Numbness ceased; Then turned back- Hesitation As I started to see ‘Tis mere infatuation.

———————

Although I feel a failure Only hope to succeed All the times pushed over I got up off my knees Yearning to feel enlightened But must water the seed To grow from a mere speck in soil Into a Redwood tree. Although I’ve been mistaken I try to try my best ‘Cause after blind risks taken I accept past regrets; Stepping stones to evolve Tree limbs grown to climb As the world quickly revolves ‘Round its axis like a vine. Although I’m still a lonesome Girl within a home A recluse with my piano Used to being alone No room for late night phone calls Or knockings on my door Refuse slip or fall Into traps- No more. And although sometimes I cry, Listen to music til I hear- Laugh away my tears And let the sorrow die. Although I still look back On what could have been I know I am still young And wise deep down within. Although life’s in the process And I fear what’s coming next, All around I look for kindness That’s when I feel my best.

——————— Can’t shake it off Try to walk a straight line Taking utmost care The burrs still bind Needle of a pine Let our true colors shine But all that you saw Was a thorn left behind Thought the perfect combination Of stardust combined The universe had Shown its signs But stars realign as You discard your kindness Search for your new Highness And push me aside.

———————

Dandelion fluff floats in the wind Bouncing off obstacles thick and thin Sticking around in puddles, on bark Then the sun evaporates or erosion sparks

Pushing the fluff on with the rhythm Of life, the torus, ohms, prisms It’s all a part of something intertwined Like a ware to the silver; needle to the pine.

The cycle flows on, the fluff comes to a halt Intentional, like the laws of Gestalt? Is it at a standstill for all time, or will life Come out of this fluff like the stars in the night?

The seed is attached to the wings of this thing That carry it far as if on pogo springs It drops onto the grass Sits for a little And sighs when the time passes without a dribble

Of water to push it into the soil Now at a standstill, seed yearns to uncoil Sprout the roots deep into the earth Serve the purpose for which its mother had birthed

———————

Flower in a vase Sits by the window Sunshine to gaze Lounging in limbo

Soft, colorful- to the eyes, appealing Delicate, thoughtful, petals gently peeling Down the stem- day by day- wilting and jaded Drying up- life source evaporated

No soil to expand roots into the earth Rock ceiling, glass bottom, what is it worth? Forgotten, downtrodden, trapped- caught in- can’t blossom Temporary eye candy- since the store it was bought in

Displayed the beauty, marked it cheap, providing extra bonus seeds Flower in a vase, nothing more to see But a dry stem and some fallen leaves.

———————

Mind tells me I’m tired Due to my lack of sleep My chest has been on fire Since I got up to eat As breakfast settles in I merge onto the highway Just half an hour late Lounged in bed to make the dreams stay I step into the class To take notes with my mind Making note of face expressions Others often turn a blind Cheek- Like they aren’t there For it’s common occurrence To focus on the teachings Rather than the ones a'learnin’ I gather up my bags And I head straight for the door Thinking for a second, that the class was just a bore Although I know its purpose, and what teachings are for I suddenly remember, to this day, there’s so much more. I stroll out to the side walk As I wave a friend so-long Until next time, do yours, I mine, And find where we belong. Now speeding down the road With some music and caffeine I suddenly remember That I had the strangest dream. What it was, I don’t recall But it made no sense at all If only I’d remember Before I walked out of the hall The path we take to re-awake To glide out of the realms Which guide from subconscious Peaceful to overwhelmed. Walking up the driveway I miss a couple beats My skirt just blows up with the wind While cars pass on the street. Taking note I shouldn’t mind For nothing could’ve changed The instant that had just flown by One moment, no exchange. I laugh it off, take off my socks, and sit down for a minute I think of you, energy blue, your head, what thoughts are in it? Distract my mind, step into time, this time within the present Realize I’m no longer tired; the moon is waxing crescent. The day has been repetitive, yet everyday is new Each and every day on earth creates a better you Negative and positive effect our everyday But the way in which with cope with both speaks all there is to say.

———————

Memories Consequences Hopping through Barbed wire fences All alone, forever will I long for someone here to fill The gap within this lonesome space Have reason to fill an empty vase Never going to settle For a broken loop pedal Or unspoken words Evaporating from a kettle Repeating back all that was left in the past- The roads that led to this place on the map Grateful for this life beyond what I conceive I dream of the day one will share it with me.

———————

Water rushes, violent currents Collects stems, leaves, chaos divergent Dreaming of times, amidst the verdant Open fields-  Divine permanence. Focus, though undeniably nervous Forgetting all reasons to serve the purpose Crashing like current waves seen on the surface No more room to misinterpret. As so above, ever so below Underneath is where roots start to grow The surface crumbles- Aligned dominos Spiraling up- Arpeggios Sadness lingers, rhymes form through fingers Pianissimo- Soft notes often linger The fight inside strikes out like lightening Retreats on the surface; tsunami wave heightening. Eyes leak- Letting them flow, ‘cause I can Tears rolling down- catching them in my hand Feeling them land, running down from my fingers Too wet to play keys, I let the sustain linger I knock one time, two, but no knob on the door Sometimes it feels nice to lie on the floor No sense in sitting in soft, cushioned seats Discomfort distracts as the flashbacks retreat.

———————

A door opens from behind I hear it, but must keep Walking my feet forward Afraid to miss a beat. Should I turn around? Ignore the sound? Drown it out- unclaimed lost and found? It calls me back, yet on I walk Foot scrapes by an unseen rock I trip, I fall, then turn on back ‘Though the unknown lies beyond black Shadows creeping through the creak Instinct overrides fear- yet cannot speak. Will the black shadowed mystery lead to a light? In our own universe, we’ll take off in flight. You could be my string, but I am the kite Striving to soar- Though scared of the height Above clouds is where sun shines the brightest Where the moon hypnotizes The stars shine, ignited Turned me on like a light switch Heart’s being guided Intuition ignited Why must I fight it? ——————— Flowers in the spring Hang from trees where birds sing Their whistling songs ring Like a guitar with twelve strings. The petals white and soft Wind blows, stems sneeze them off They cover the driveway In a perfect world, the trees could hold on To their leaves; all that’s gone But cold air breaks the bond The leaves must move along. Much can be learned from the nature of the petals Letting go of the bass only allows treble To sing with ambience- glockenspiel metals Melodies must reach their peak long before they settle. The flowers turn to soil and the water turns to rain To pour down on the garden, rebirth’s infinite change No allotted range, no bird feeders hang- Tossing seeds onto the ground; no limits or restraint. ———————

Life blossoms Along with the trees As summer approaches Sweet humming of bees So much to let go So much to take in So much to remember Memories set in Surrounded by love And new found joy Spiraling up Like a hula hoop toy Sipping tea from a cup As we sit in the grass Sweet emotions erupt Like a volcanic mass ——————— You know what it feels like to Be an option lacking chance? But I’m not being lied to ‘Cause we both know where I stand I hopped onto the back burner You fiddled with you pants Perhaps I’m a slow learner Never fit your puzzled plans Improvised, laid out by the thought process of your dick Melting me a little bit; it also makes me sick Running ‘round through sacred squares- still I’m here, yet you lack Respect to ever turn around and see who’s looking back Burner holding heat- You lie, asleep Furthest from fresh meat, though when bored, you make that leap Regardless of your mind games and seldom-proclaimed conceit We both know I’m that shiny thing you never wished to keep.

———————

Erasing drawn lines, I step back in time, imaginary lenses

In attempt to commence contrasting life paths, land beyond the fences Throughout time, the reasons and rhymes thought up to numb our senses Fall through the mind while seasons and time fly like the light, while prisms bend it It’s sad as can be how the earth and the seeds live on, yet so pretentious Going about the day like we’ll get another, yet you’ll never know just when it Will all go black, like wings of a bat- never cherish a moment to mend it. Feeding the fire that taints our spirit Search for an answer as though we’re near it Feeling the chaos before we can hear it Take in reflections- staring into mirror bits Spread on the ground as vibrations, sounds Travel on through; collectively resound Down they crash, reform to the sea Waves of music caress the weak As the strong let go and minds wander free United by projected energies.

———————

[cuddlysmii7y]

All Dressed Up (Halloween Fic)(High School AU)

“Is it okay if I bring my exchange student with? My mom said I need to include him more.” Craig asked.

“Yeah sure, we can get a better discount at the fair with a larger group.” Brock said

“Which kid did you end up getting anyway?” Marcel asked.

“The Canadian.” Craig replied.

“Wait, you got that one?? I thought you had like Brian, seeing how you’re both Irish.” Tyler stated

“I’m not really Irish though.”

“You said you were from Northern Ireland!” Scotty jumped in.

“I am! But that’s British, not Irish!”

“Same fucking difference!” Marcel yelled.

“No its not!”

“Shut up, you idiots! We still need to plan this shit!” Evan yelled back.

[bwprowl]

I’m back with a big bevy of brand-new toys spied at this year’s SDCC! The pop-culture ‘con’s media ubiquity means that all sorts of stuff could catch my eye, with standbys like Transformers, Marvel, and Star Wars showing up next to obscure old license homages and weird new Ninja Turtles crossovers. Aside from that, the toys from the next Kamen Rider series have started surfacing, and more Machine Robo remakes are up for pre-order. Plus some clearanced old fashions you might want to snap up now. Welcome back to Tuesday Night Toys!

New Stuff: Bi-Mon-Sci-Fi-Con

It’s weird to think that San Diego Comic-Con is a regular hotspot of new toy reveals nowadays, but that’s just the world we live in. Virtually everyone from NECA to Funko had stuff on display, so here I go with the big stuff that really caught my eye.

We’ll start, as usual, with the Transformers. After months of speculation with no leaks or hints or anything, the new Power of the Primes line was finally shown to the world, and it’s kind of a doozy. Titan Masters are now Prime Masters, turning into little armor emblems for larger figures, and they ride around in little remade Pretender suits, a great way to bring that concept back. I just want to line up an army of these little dudes, particularly any from the Masterforce end of things.

Legends class is the same as it has been, mostly recreating Mini-Bots, a new Beachcomber being the one they showed off. Deluxes and Voyagers seem to include components to be Combiners again, but Hasbro didn’t say anything about that so everyone be sure to act surprised when they confirm it later. These include really neat-looking new little Darkwing and Dreadwind, a new Jazz (with no door-wings!) and a deliciously thick Starscream (whose proportions were what really prompted everyone to conclude that he’s a secret Combiner torso).

And the biggest one of course was the Leader Class Rodimus Prime, who actually features a full Deluxe Hot Rod toy that folds up and combines with the trailer to form the big guy. It’s a sweet-looking return for a character who hasn’t really gotten his due until now, and it turns out ALL the PotP Leaders are going to utilize that type of gimmick. It’s pretty well my jam, and I look forward to seeing all of them, including the fan-voted Optimus Primal who was confirmed as well.

(also a metric shitload of the rest of the line was leaked just a few days later but we are definitely not supposed to talk about those yet)

On Hasbro’s Marvel side, there was plenty to like too. Spider-Man continues to be a force, seeing the rad-looking Spider-Punk variant from Spider-Verse get a Legends release, along with a pretty sweet new Mysterio (check out the effects on that fishbowl) and a very nice-looking Lizard BAF. There are other really appreciated entries including Songbird, a new Namor, friggin’ Deathlok of all people, and even Gwenpool! Yeah, my flavor-of-the-month fan-favorite may be looking a bit more Beyruth than Gurihiru in this version, but she does have her phone and penguin backpack, which makes for a pretty good effort in my book. Maybe now I’ll keep an eye out for Marvel Select or Figure Complex to take a shot at her.

And they had a decent amount of Star Wars Black Series figures on deck as well. Though I suspect they’re waiting ‘til we know more about Episode VIII to show off stuff from that one, there’re still a few stragglers from VII that need toys, and they had those here with Maz Kanata and General Leia! I still need a Maz toy for how much I enjoyed her in the movie, maybe I’ll pick this one up.

A surprise reveal Playmates had was another Ninja Turtles crossover entry, this time with the boys cosplaying as the Ghostbusters. They look like a neat enough idea, though the most amusement so far has been all the people who think, with the exception of Donatello as Egon, that different Turtles should be different characters, but being unable to decide on *who*.

Four Horsemen had more of their ongoing Power Lords remake line on display. Now here’s a line I’ll never be able to get into properly, but these designs are all just way too cool not to show off. There isn’t nearly enough plain-crazy alien toy stuff these days, but at least Four Horsemen can always be counted on for impressive sculpts.

And as I’ve already loudly shown off, Bandai confirmed that they’ll be doing the Psycho Rangers in their Power Rangers Legacy line. Given that these were some of the first things I asked for when the line started coming out, and that they’ll be including their individual weapons PLUS parts for a BAF Alpha 5, these are pretty much must-own for me. And I really gotta get on tracking down the remaining Space Rangers. At least the Silver Ranger was also confirmed for the line. I really can’t wait for 2018 now.

Finally, this wasn’t at SDCC, but a couple weeks back new pics of the toys for Kamen Rider Build (that’s the guy comin’ up after Ex-Aid) started making the rounds. The belt has this hand-crank thing going, and it uses trinkets called FullBottles to transform, which appear to have actual liquid of sorts in them. What this means in the long run for these things is uncertain, as is if Bandai actually wants us to drink these little things.

The gimmick action figures were also seen, showing off the neo-W-style half-n-half combination feature. They actually work about how I expected them too, and look pretty good doing it. I’m already excited about this series based on the slick aesthetics alone, so this’ll be another one I keep my eye on.

Wishlist: Spacy Jones

It’s always nice when another set of Action Toys’ Machine Robo figures goes up for pre-order. Relief, almost. “Oh good,” you think, “Those surreptitious GoBots remakes are still going on.” Up this go-around are Shuttle Robo and Missile Tank Robo, or Spay-C and Blaster to yours and mine. Spay-C was a pretty popular character from the ol’ GoBots series, so I predict she’ll do well (she’s the one I want most). Blaster is mainly known for sharing a name with a much more popular Transformer and for coming in a couple different-color variants. This version recreates the orange version, and I can’t tell you if they’ll do a quick repaint into the green version later. I at least appreciate Blaster in the same way I do, say, DC superheroes that have the same name as Marvel superheroes, or vice-versa.

You might also want to know that Target is making moves to reset their toy aisles again, so that means clearancing of old stuff. Of particular note is the ever-rotating Star Wars section, and Rogue One being old hat means the Black Series figures of its heroes Jyn Erso and Cassian Andor have been knocked down to less than five dollars, with the intent of clearing them out as effectively as the end of that movie did. Dark? Maybe, but hey, at least it was enough for me to finally grab that Jyn I’ve been waffling on for nearly a year.

On Desk: That Jyn I’ve been waffling on for nearly a year

I mean, I didn’t MEAN to neglect a decent-looking SW toy for so long. But as much as I enjoyed it, all the things I did pick up from Force Awakens left me with a bit of Star Wars burnout, and while Jyn certainly *looked* really really cool, actually seeing the movie left me just kinda eh on her character (I…didn’t latch onto any of the R1 crew the way a lot of others did. No, not even K-2S0). But hey, for five bucks I’ll take a sweet-looking Rebel spy gal.

She is a cool toy, with a layered, well-sculpted outfit that captures the grounded grittiness I enjoyed about Rogue One. The optional hood-scarf-thing is a nice touch, and if her face-sculpt maybe looks a little too…Ellen Paige for the character, it still rounds out the design well enough in toy form. Plus I’ll always love that pistol.

I don’t really have any desire to pick up the rest of the R1 crew in Black Series form (not even the similarly-clearanced Cassian). But Jyn shall make a solid addition to the little corner of a Star Wars display I’ve got going. She can party with my myriad Captain Phasmas.

And you can party with all that SDCC knowledge, everyone! I’m sure there was other stuff there that you thought was cool that I didn’t manage to think to cover, but whatever your favorite was, I hope you have fun with it. I’ll see you next time!

[pyre-prism]

Fanfic - First Impressions at 4AM, Pt.1

Apparently, there’s no better time to meet someone than early in the morning...

Fandom - Batman, including headcanons Characters - Edward Nygma; Jonathan Crane Timeframe - Pre-Costume Other Notes - I have never been to a coffee shop in America, so I’m guessing, here...

Part Two

Edward barely paid any mind to the ambient noise in the coffee shop. The laptop in front of him held most of his attention, one hand periodically reaching for the cooling coffee to the side to bring the cup up to his lips, only for him to remember that he actually didn’t like the beverage as much when it was cold. That’s not to say that it was too noisy in the small space, but there was enough to provide a pleasant static of sorts to focus his thoughts through.

The pale red-haired man had come to this open-from-three-in-the-morning-‘til-midnight hole-in-the-wall several times since returning to Gotham City, especially during the early hours of the day… such as now. It was one of the few things he remembered in the slightest of pleasant lights from before he’d taken a scholarship in Metropolis several years earlier; the cosy wood-panelled walls had sheltered him from more than a few turbulent rollercoasters of reality in his teenage years, and he had truthfully been glad to see the corner table furthest from the door had been vacant when he entered. Over the course of his many visits, it was now practically his table, after all… and was certainly more ‘his’ than any spot in his father’s old hovel…

But, he was allowing himself to be distracted.

The bell above the door chimed, pulling Edward out of his thoughts and drawing his eyes up to look at the newest arrival. It was –unsurprisingly– someone he didn’t recognise. The man was very tall and very thin, dressed in a cheap crumpled suit. All in all, the man looked… rather worn and even quite… ‘brown’; his clothes were a generic mixture of plain browns making up a too-short ensemble coupled with a white button-up shirt that had to have seen better days, his briefcase looked like it had once been black but had since given way to an array of horrific scuff marks, his hair was a deep auburn mess that stuck up from his scalp like caramel-coloured thatching, his skin was tanned so darkly that it was almost a wonder the man wasn’t walking around with leather covering his body instead of regular human skin –plenty of scars, too, which tickled annoyingly at his curiosity.

Edward’s green eyes tracked the newcomer’s actions, watching him scan the shop with a piercing blue stare for a moment, searching for an open table. The man’s stare locked onto him, and Edward smiled –silently daring the stranger to do something, anything, about it. He raised an eyebrow when the other merely smirked slightly and picked his way through the place to claim the table closest to his own.

“It’s not polite to stare,” the taller redhead stated once he was seated and his briefcase had been placed almost delicately on the tabletop. There was a note of wry amusement embedded deeply into the man’s voice, and it made Edward grin slightly. “You look like a regular; their coffee any good?”

“Oh, quite. Though, I can’t say I much care for it after I’ve been distracted so thoroughly for so long.” He held up his cup for emphasis. “I think this one has… gone about half an hour without being simmered… but then, that wasn’t technically the fault of the staff.” Edward’s fingers danced across the keys of his laptop for a few seconds before he shut the machine and returned his attention to his impromptu conversation partner. “By the way, my name is Edward.”

The scarred man paused, weighing something in his mind for a moment before giving what he could only describe as a micro-shrug. “Jonathan.” One of his hands reached out for Edward to shake –it was large, especially compared to the man’s bony wrist, with long and thin fingers that any musician or surgeon would sell their soul for. “Do you often bring your work to a place like this at four in the morning?”

“There are worse choices. At least this one’s in the Burnley district, rather than the Cauldron.” Edward replied with a fully-realised shrug of his own after giving Jonathan’s hand a firm shake. “What about yourself? With you carrying something like that around,” he nodded at the man’s briefcase, “you’ve got to have some form of ‘work’ in there.” Jonathan’s expression… flickered –for lack of a better word– between bemusement and attentive curiosity, his eyes snapping to the leather case then back to him.

“Sometimes. Even in this day and age, there are things that work better on paper.” Jonathan said at last. “What sort of work do you do?”

They were interrupted by a young waitress coming over to the thin man’s table. “Hey there, what’ll you have?” she asked, pulling a notepad and pen out from one of her apron pockets.

“Hm… well, coffee, for starters. Black, and—…” a sudden yawn struck him, “…quick as you can, please, darlin’.”

The twang that had crept into the previously-impeccable Gothamite accent had Edward arching an eyebrow for the second time that morning. Miraculously, however, he managed to keep his mouth shut while the girl took the order and tottered off to fulfil it. He waited for all of a minute before the urge to say something overwhelmed him. “What about you, what’s your ‘story’?”

“What, you a journalist?” Jonathan asked, blinking, then shook his head. His voice was back to the Gothamite accent, slipping into it like a well-worn glove. “You first, Edward.”

He offered a quiet chuckle. “Very well. I suppose you could say that I’m a glorified security guard for people’s invisible lives.”

“There are a couple of ways that could be taken…” A low hum accompanied the statement, and it was quickly paired with a surprisingly-blank smile –Edward was actually impressed at just how much the man’s expression didn’t say.

“Ever heard of cyber-safety?”

“Personal security in a digital medium, yes?” was Jonathan’s response.

“I… well… Yes, but…” Edward sighed. “How very textbook… Let me guess, you’re a teacher?”

The tall redhead’s face twisted into a dark scowl for a second before smoothing out into a mere frown. “I was.”

That caused a nagging feeling in the back of Edward’s mind to flare up, as if there was something he should be connecting the dots between… between that and something else he’d absorbed at one point or another. However, he shoved it closer to the end of his mental waiting list, deciding to ponder the topic after he was alone once more. “And now?”

Jonathan sighed, although the tiny smirk that wormed its way across his angular features lessened the effect somewhat. “Now, I work at Blackgate. I used to split my time between the university and the prison, before… that. Although, I’ve been hearing talk that they’re thinking of getting the old asylum back up and running –might see about switching over to it, if it happens.”

“Why not just stay at the prison, rather than take an entirely new job? Most people would prefer the stability.”

“The patients would be more interesting.” Bony shoulders rose and fell in jerking motions that somehow looked almost natural on the taller man. “The stranger, the better… and yet there’s only so much variety in those on death row, for example.” The waitress returned with Jonathan’s coffee, and he offered her a smile. Edward snickered inwardly as she returned the brittle expression with a cheery but tired smile of her own, wondering just how gullible she was, to see something like that as either warm or friendly. “Much obliged.”

“It’s only natural to prefer a challenge, if you happen to be fortunate enough to sit on the more intelligent side of the playground, isn’t it?” Edward paused. “So, you’re a psychiatrist, hm?”

“Yes.” Jonathan smirked around his drink, oozing an almost obscene amount of pride at the fact.

Edward inspected him a little closer. “You look a bit young… Doesn’t that sort of profession generally keep you in training wheels until you’re thirty or more, supposing you go to it first rather than some other occupation?” Another shrug and a non-committal grunt were his only answers. “Still, it’s almost amusing… You and I are –in a way– in the same business.”

“Mmn? How so?”

“Let’s just say that I paid for my coffee with second-hand dirty money.”

He watched the other redhead turn Edward’s words over in his mind. “So, police, then?”

“Head of the Cybercrime Division, as of… oh, eighteen hours ago, actually.”

A chuckle burbled in the thin man’s chest. “Didn’t peg you for that kind of ‘glorified security guard’, to be honest. You look more like a stereotypical librarian.”

Edward snorted. “Oh, so the conversation’s going down that route? Well, in that case, you look like a stereotypical farm-boy trying to make it in the big city.”

Jonathan shook his head. “I guess I walked into that one, didn’t I?”

“You did. Blindly.”

A muffled ringtone suddenly interrupted the both of them, and Edward smirked as his new acquaintance started, set his cup aside and fumbled with the latches on his briefcase for a few seconds before getting the case to open. He leaned forward, trying to get a glimpse at its contents, but Jonathan’s hands were quicker, snatching the ringing phone out and closing the case in one quick sequence of motion.

“This is Crane… What? He’s… oh, for the love of… Double the dosage. Yes, I know what I’m… Fine! I was going to be on my wa—… Yes, I know what time it is; you’re the one who called me. Alright.” He cut off the call with perhaps a bit more force than was strictly deserved, gave the small machine a sour grimace, then tucked it into an interior pocket of his suit jacket. A moment later, and he’d poured the remainder of his coffee down what had to be a cast-iron throat. “Well, it was nice talking with you, Edward, but… duty calls.”

“Not a problem.” Edward shrugged. “It was rather pleasant to have someone to talk to who’s closer to my own level.” He smiled. “I’m usually here for the early morning lull… perhaps we’ll catch up again some other time, Doctor Crane?”

Jonathan chuckled wryly. “So you caught that, did you? Perhaps… perhaps.”

And with that, he stood, dropped a few bills onto the table, and –with a single jaunty wave– left the shop, briefcase tightly in-hand…

It didn’t take Edward very much longer to do likewise… not including finishing off his cold coffee.