#its literslly 2 am

[mr-ys-phantasma]

🌙 Moon Phases 🌙

Agatha Harkness X Fem!Reader

Word Count: 1376

Chapter 22:

After Agatha confessed to you, things seemed to be better. With less worry and jealousy in your heart, you found sleep coming for you faster than you anticipated.

Agatha has chosen to rest a little further away from the rest of the coven, and you had followed suit, her warm body spooning you from behind was the lullaby you needed to close your eyes and relax.

Time passed oddly for everyone, no sign of sun or anything to indicate how long the group had been asleep.

The first to wake up had been Agatha, whose dreams were haunted by bitter memories of her past; this time, about Nicholas.

Having almost lost Teen and then having Rio telling her the boy was not hers... it unlocked some dark moments from her past, and unfortunately, not even your presence could truly help.

Thus, she found herself the only one awake; her hand gently brushing your hair as you had subconsciously leaned more on her folded lap and presence.

Agatha observed you as you slept, a small warm smile forming on her pink lips as she observed you; looking so peaceful and trusting her so much... not to mention yearning for her touch, even while asleep.

When she was away, when she was faking a new identity in Wanda's hex; she often felt how empty the bed was. Often, she would lay there, extending a hand and wondering how you were; and if you would take her back when she would come to your doorstep once again.

She had been thinking about you, she was not going to lie but she could not just bluntly confess it. That was not her.

A part of her always fighting to protect her by hiding her weakness by preventing her from confessing how she felt and maybe that was okay because you understood her.

Agatha sensed when someone approached, not surprised to find Rio coming your way. She had not slept like everyone else but had sat down close by, especially after you had fallen asleep.

Ironically, it was her unique danger that had made you snuggle closer to Agatha; a subconscious needed to be closer to her.

Now was it because you were seeking protection or to simply protect Agatha, no one truly knew.

"Funny. I remember you giving me the same smile," Rio commented, her tone a mixture of mockery and maybe even slight jealousy.

Agatha looked up at her. "She came first, and you know it. I had made it clear to you back then, "

Rio scoffed faintly. "And yet you still don't want the three of us as one." She folded her hands in front of her chest. "That's fine by me. Keep your little moon girlie. "

As the Green Witch started to walk away, Agatha dared to move and actually stand up. She carefully walked around your sleeping form and trailed after her former lover.

"I will, but first I want some answers," she said in a hushed tone, making Rio halt. "How do you know her?"

Agatha faced Rio's back for a few seconds before the Witch graced her by turning to face her. They locked eyes as they stood in front of one another, merely a single step separating them.

Rio tilted her head faintly to her side, her thin dark locks following the movement of her head as she did so while she played with the curved knife in her hands.

"I found her," she started, observing how Agatha hung from her every word. "After she took care of those witch hunters. Kept my eye on her, talked... you know the drill. You and I met under similar circumstances. "

"My case was different," Agatha argued. "And you didn't exactly make it clear who you were either."

Rio shrugged and glanced at your sleeping form above Agatha's shoulder. "I wasn't with her, either. She found it out on her own, but I will give her credits for her determination in doing so. "

Agatha frowned. "How did she find out?"

Before Rio could answer, he shouts of Lilia reaches them. It disturbed the silence existing in the forest and was enough to even wake you up.

You took a moment to process where you were, and when you did, you noticed Agatha and Rio standing not so far away; clearly discussing something private.

Before you could ask what had taken place, the distant sound of a howllong wolf reached you, and you swore you also heard a raven as it flew above you.

"The Salem Seven," you exclaimed, standing up so fast that you almost tripped.

You looked at Agatha, whose eyes were wide with fear. She didn't have to say anything as she gabbed her discarded purple coat and rushed towards the coven, you close behind her.

Rio just casually followed, unbothered by the presence of the cursed seven witches that wanted Agatha dead.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As you approached the coven, you heard Lilia explaining to the rest of the witches what she saw and who was after them.

"Scary black dresses?" Teen asked, recalling the creepy figures he saw in Agatha's House before he rushed to find them in the basement.

"When Agatha killed her original coven..." Lilia started.

Once again, Jen had to comment. "By stealing their power." She added, making you wonder what Agatha did to her to have such hatred and anger against her.

"Because her own mother tried to have her executed." Rio suddenly added, having managed to reach the coven around the same time you and Agatha did.

Even though she was further behind.

You didn't stay nor bothered to question, somehow having an explanation already.

After all, it was Rio you were thinking about.

"Are you really defending a noted serial killer, you creepy lurker?" Jen asked, taking a few steps closer to Jen.

Something seemed to snap within you. You were not sure if it was Jen negative attitude, her tone, or the unnecessary name calling, but you found yourself standing between her and Rio.

"Back off, Jen. Direct your attitude elsewhere for this is not the point" you barked, one hand extended to keep Rio further behind you while your other had a single digit pointed at the Potions Witch.

She pulled her head faintly, surprised by your outburst and sudden change of character for the new Witch. After all, just a few hours ago, you had been glaring nonstop at her, and now you were opening defending her.

Jen opened her mouth, feeling insulterd and ready to serve you some attitude as well when Teen interfered; once again, stopping things from escalating too far.

"Come on, someone finish the story." He said, glancing at the rest of the coven.

Lilia took her gaze from you and focused on the boy. "When Agatha murdered her sister witches, she spared their young children."

"Yeah, and then they became a feral, hive-minded coven bent on revenge." You argued, showing where you stood on the topic.

"Whoa, ah!" Agatha exclaimed as she finally managed to wear her coat, all this time comically fighting to put the second sleeve on. "The moral of the story, kids, is always finish what you started. Also, mercy is overrated. All right, everybody, pack up your shit! Let's go!"

You started to fix your tie that you had loosened before you slept and buttoned up your black vest while everyone gathered and wore their stuff.

Before you were even fully ready, you had to run and follow Agatha; only to hear the same wolf howl from the path up ahead.

By instinct alone, you chose to run the opposite way, but the sound of a raven made you realize you were practically trapped.

"What about a hexenbesen?" Teen suddenly suggested, earning negative answers from everyone but you.

"Guys, I think we -" before you could voice your opinion and perhaps persuade them to change their mind; the Salem Seven did it for you.

An inhumane screech reached you, like claws against a board or wood. Your hair stood on end in response, and you all had this innate feeling of pray caught in the line of sight of a predator.

"No, brooms are great," Agatha exclaimed, and you hummed in agreement.

Chapter 23

[powerpolyculeshowdown]

Do you have recommendations for shows/books/whatever with canon/basically canon polyamory?

ok the only media w officially canon polyam i personally consumed are Iron Widow and Hades.

Iron Widow is a mecha scifi/chinese fantasy book, it has pacific rim mechanics, so it takes 2 ppl to pilot the mecha but its more dystopian in that the pilot (male) usually drains the life force of his concubine (female). the mc has a guy shes interested in from the start but she pushes him aside to seek her goals to become a concubine pilot (theres a very good reason for this but i dont wanna give too much away) ends up being forced to work w the most dangerous pilot (spoilers hes actually a misunderstood sweetheart and i love him), her first love somehow finds his way back into her life so he can be their ally and its very clear from the first time he meets the other guy that this bitch is bi af. At one point he literslly saves their lives and i wont elaborate on that cause again spoilers but someone mentioned it in a propaganda ask. They canonically fall in live w each other and start dating. Please look up the trigger warnings first cause theres some heavy subjects addressed in this book. The book itself has trigger warnings listed at the start so if u find it at a book store u can check them this was too.

Hades is a roguelike videogame w dating sim mechanics (ish) -you give gifts to characters to learn more about them, and theres two romance options but you can romance both at once, they're both aware of and okay with it, hinting that they mightve had a past even before zagreus was born (its greek gods one is death incarnate the other is one of the furies, they've basically existed since forever)

From the submissions I got:

ive been told Leverage is like the korrasami of polyam, as in they were as polyam as they could be in a show from 2010, so it sounds like its canon but not explicit because they couldnt get away with that.

The girls from Amphibia are apparently in a similar situation, heavily implied canon, someone told me it was confirmed by people who worked on the show, but i dont think its explicitly stated.

The Kane Chronicles apparently also has canon polyam, although its 2 bodies, cause I think one of them has a god in him or something? I never read the books, but I was told Sadie (i think thats her name? The girl) is in love w both of them, and kinda dating both too i think?

I dont know if Singing in the Rain is canon but theres that kiss gif that got prrtty popular on tumblr where kathy kisses one of the guys then the other, so it looks canon? or at least implied canon?

Sense8 as some people have mentioned has 1 officially confirmed to be canon throuple, 1 that has a lot of hints to confirm but a lot of ppl see it as a gay couple w a very supportive friend ig and someone else said in general because of the plot u could kind of see the 8 of them as a big polycule, although that one isnt canon

HoneyWorks/Heroine Tarumono is one of those songs turned novel turned anime. i dont think its confirmed canon but theres a lot of stuff pointing to the possibility, you mightve see @non-fantasy telling me about them in a few asks. im obsessed and ive yet to watch anything

Penumbra Podcast: Second Citadel has Rilla/Sir Damien/Lord Arum, i also haven't listened to this one but a lot of people told me rilla and damien were in a pre-established relstionship, both got crushed on lord arum separately, talked about it and worked things out to now be a canon polycule

im She-Ra (netflix) theres a trio that is implied to be a polycule at the end, a lot of ppl called them canon in the notes but i dont personally ember it being confirmed? i am very forgetful tho. It's Rogelio/Kyle/Lonnie, unfortunately they lost the prelim round

I believe people submitted some others that were canon but im very forgetful so i cant remember right now

[dullahandyke]

Ok hi no more constantly spamming u w liveblogs. Heres one big dgs liveblog

God this game fucking loves the rumble controller. It's so so constant I'm thinking of turning it off... I'm a ds girlie I'm not used to this terror

[ID: Ryuunosuke Naruhodou's blank face.]

^ help me when he went from supremely nervous to still waters when he realised he didnt know your mans name... not a single brain cell in there

Also I'm playing w the jp voices because duh (asougi would NEVER be british) and I love ryuus 'HAI' so much... hes so intense

Asougi hates the British it's awesome <3 go king criticise the government for caving to pressure in order to appease global superpowers

Also I cant help it whenever the asougi dating sim image (you know the one) comes up I Cannot take it seriously.... bro I remember the gimmick blog it's over at that point

Also asougi literally calling ryuu 'partner'... usually I'm not one for 'theyve been dating the whole time' but truly asoryuu boyfriends is the realest... they have a bond found only between 2 gay people from before the stonewall inn was even a twinkle in the mob's eye

THE READING SPRITE WHERE RYUU IS JUST SHUFFLING PAPERS TOGETHER... he is such a mess I love him

HOSONAGA ALERT!!!! HOSONAGA IS HERE!!! now to attempt to disentangle him from my minds main impression of him, from a bad imagines post where hes a catboy maid mewling into the bedsheets

Also I love that the first witness we get is straight up dying of tuberculosis. 'This is what the olden days were like, right. Everyone coughing up blood'

Oh boooo the 'pun' Japanese names... I'll kill u dead his is khura'in all over again

AUCHI LITERSLLY CALLS ASOUGI A BOY NEXT DOOR???? Literal homosexuals...

Also you just know asougi would love unionising. Yes boy exercise every right you are given regardless of the pushback from those for whom it is inconvenient

God ryuu is so nervous and sweaty... when he slams his hands on the bench and they make an audible splat becsuee of how sweaty he is and he nervously looks at them to make sure hes not fucked up...

Also I love how hes always raising his hand... hes so proper

I dont think any of these guys know what a beef cutlet is. Tho nosa giving ryuu food recs for after prison is fun

HOLY FUCK I GOT AN ACHIEVEMENT FOR LRESSING A STSTEMENT LETS GO!!!!!!!!! so hyped for this

God I love ryuus default fact he has the gentle and loving eyes of a cow

SAMURAI WITH A MISSION PLAYING YESYEYEYSYEYSYEYSYESYS WHOPOOOOPOOOOOOOWOOOOOOHOO ASOUGI ILY

OH FUCK OFFFFFF NOT HOTTA CLINIC.... WE NEED 2 GET AWAY FROM THAT FUCK !!!!! *sprays hotti w bug spray*

Help me examining the medical card is so funny... ryuu vc I Hate Doctors I Havent Been Sick Since I Was 5 I Am Immune To Every Disease

Also bubbles is lying down near me shes so cute sleeping... conked out

Also elaborating on the gayness of rhe 'partner' thing, it's mostly bcos of the little pause asougi always does before saying it... its novel and risque innit

Ok I just got up to the first trial break and according to this YouTube video that's only like halfway thru the trial... its nearly midnight I am Not continuing until tomorrow... see u fucks then <3

[confessions-official]

TW for obsession, stalking, abuse mention, murder/assault mention

im stalking my past stalker.

(summarized retelling) a couple years back, i had a friend who would stalk me and was obsessed with me. he was abusive, manipulative, unpredictable, and would constantly threaten my friends and i. he brought knives to school on two separate occasions and tried to kill my at-the-time girlfriend. due to nearly identical class schedules, i felt incredibly unsafe and walked on eggshells on a daily basis. he was very easy to provoke. i have diagnosed PTSD from everything that happened with him. after everything, he enrolled in online school and i have not seen him in person in 2 years.

recently, it came to my attention that he will be coming back to school in person full time. this knowledge has caused me to heavily spiral, with nightmares about him practically every other night. he consumes my every waking thought. the only thing that has been able to ease my nerves and make me feel in control of the situation is stalking him. every day, several times a day, i check his social media accounts just in case he updates them. he is very active on pinterest, so i check every time he updates his boards or posts a new pin. the other day, he posted a picture of himself in a classroom. i knew it was at my school.

i think this is where i went too far. online stalking is relatively harmless, but i took it a step up. during my lunch period, i walked through every single hallway and opened every single classroom door of my entire school to find the room that the picture was taken it. i thought that i found it, but the teacher in the room began questioning me, so i was unable to investigate further. i decided it wasnt enough for me. i snuck into the guidance office and went on a guidance counselors computer. i looked up his last name and found all of his scheduling information. i wrote the schedule messily on a sticky note, before booking it out of the guidance office. now, i know where he is at every time of every day. it makes me feel safe knowing i can reliably avoid him now.

ive realized that im doing the exact same thing to him as he was doing to me. im stalking him, and to a much greater extent than he ever stalked me. im obsessed with him. he is the only thing ever on my mind. i am in a constant triggered state with all this information i work so hard to dig up. does this put me at the same level as him? on one hand, obsession is obsession. on the other, he was obsessed with me romantically, whereas my obsession with him stems from... like... an obsession with avoiding him. i want to know everything about him so that i can make sure we never cross paths again. if it were a different situation, i could easily use this information to track him down. but im specifically using it so i can plan where ill be at what times to avoid seeing him.

things have escalated a bit, though. through the course of this, ive been searching for all the little gifts he would give me. holding these things in my hands brings me a very strange sense of comfort. its weird, because im literslly scared shitless of him and he was abusive to me. despite everything, its so soothing to hold something and know that he held it at one point, too. i cant explain it, and i know its contradictory and irrational. part of me wishes i could just go through all his belongings and take them for my own. i just wish i could take his clothes, just to be able to smell him. i forgot what he smelled like and i just wish i could remember. i wish i could wear his jewelry. i cant comprehend this strange attachment i have to him, paired simultaneously with my intense need to be as far away from him as possible. i dont know.

i know that this post is very long. i just needed to get this out somewhere. thank you to anyone who read to the end.

 

[your-friendly-neighbourh00d-fag]

a nightmare on elm street, my bloody valentine, rosemary’s baby?

(for the horror asks)

HEEYYYY!! thsnks for the ask :D

a nightmare on elm street: top 5 fav songs rn?

well for the purposes of this, i'll exclude my like. long time always favourites because y'all know those ones.

1- heartbreak feels so good [fall out boy] getting into fob finally and.... wooooowa. these guuysh are good......

2- 19 [pencey prep] i love pencey prep soooososososo` much idc fuck all o f you

3- brother [gerard way] iooouuguuhh.. . feeling;..s . ouhc,. ouch ouch,.

4- golden days [panic! at the disco] ok im not a massive panic! fan but... . just this. this one speciic song. hrngg . its also on my films soundtrack so ive been listening to it a lot. and yeah. its . ..

5- past lives [ls dunes] hooooooly fucking fuck where do i START. I LOVE THIS ALBUNM!!!!! MCR FANS JUST MAKE THE LEAP DO IT I KNOW LISTENING TO NEW MUSIC IS HARD NBUTZ1!!!!!!! THESE GU=YS!!!

my bloody valentine: are u in a relationship/do u have a crush?

no relationship but i do have a crush. which is. super embarrassing for me i Am built different i prommis.e like,. it is literally just a girl you have seen those before. chilll. anyway,.

rosemary’s baby: what’s something everyone else loves, but u hate?

well this one we know, but taylor swift. im just. soo salty that her sobng is the most popular fob song on spotify right now. go away. i hate the swifties at my school SOOOOO MCUHHHHHH RAHGHHHHH SHUT THE FUCK UPPPPPP . the wayt hey talk about 'eMo'S' im literslly goign to murder someoen HER MUSIC IS MIDDDDDDDDDD

anwyays. im norrmal.

[translesbian-w-catgirl]

what kinda pets do you have that 1: understand how jobs work and 2: why does your cat hate you???

i get its a common misconception but a lot of cats will only *hate* you if they never enter the same room as you, attack or run away when you get close, and domt like being touched

breaking your stuff? wdym *your* stuff? also you never used the glass jar full of coins anyways, and it made a cool sound when it broke

peeing on your couch? and why exactly is the sand pit better?

you wsnt me to *look you in the eyes* when im in the same room as you!?!? THATS A UNIVERSAL SIGN OF AGGRESSION!!

why am i upset when ypu pick me up or touch me sometimes?? because youre 80 tiems my size and strong enough to kill me accidentally, and also i never gave you consent

theres still cats that ARE mean, but they dont really think of you as peasants or serveants, more just buddies. you give them food for free, so they hang out, and when they "ignore" you theyre eother bored of your company, which you are GUARANTEED to feel about another human at some poimt even if yoi love them, or wanna do something else

does it help if i also say literally every single cat has such a unique brain they could all {and i mean every last one} be diagnosed with autism? would it help if everyone said i resembled a cat a lot and every reason they gave was literslly just my autism?

[winterline13]

There’s something so super cool but also MEGA NUTS about watching someone attempt the DECA Anvil because as someone watching I can only IMAGINE what it’s like for her actually completing it. But also knowing that she IS doing it and IS doing so well makes me so proud and happy!!! I am so stinking happy for her you have no idea

And also I won’t shut up about racing and triathlons and ESPECIALLY the DECA right now so I need to expand my audience and tell more people so take a seat I’m about to ramble incomprehensibly for a while about this race

One of my family friends (LoriLyn Hicks AKA Iron Hicks) is trying the Wisconsin DECA Anvil right now which is 10 IronMan triathlons in 14 days. She’s halfway through now, just finished the bike and onto the run!

But to really lay out just how INSANE that is, it’s a 24 mile swim, a 1120 mile bike, and a 262 mile run. In 336 hours (or 14 days).

It took her about a day to do the swim. And nearly 6 days to do the bike portion and she’s onto the run now. She’s aiming to be the 16th female athlete to complete the DECA.

WHICH IS JUST SO NUTS LIKE THIS IS SUCH AN INSANE RACE THAT THERES ONLY BEEN 15 OTHER FEMALE ATHLETES THAT HAVE COMPLETED IT?????? AND I KNOW THE LADY TRYING TO BECOME THE 16TH FINISHER???? SHE HELPED ME STUDY FOR MY ACT AND MY DAD AND I GO RIDE WITH HER ON THE WEEKENDS SOMETIMES??????? LIKE I KNOW THIS INSANE BADASS ATHLETE?????? THATS SO COOL

But also just the sheer amount of training that went into this for her was WILD. She attempted the Quint Anvil last year which is HALF of the DECA. While she did DNF because of miscommunication she still got SUPER CLOSE to finishing it was wild. And there’s been Years of training leading up to this year’s race. I remember just a couple years ago when I was part of her support team during one of her training sessions for the Triple Anvil and NOW SHES DOING THE DECA HOLY MOLY

Like even just doing ONE IronMan triathlon is a huge deal. It takes some athletes a whole day just to complete ONE full IronMan and recovery time afterwards could be up to a week. Like just ONE IronMan is already a huge accomplishment and something to be super proud of completing. AND LORILYN IS DOING 10 OF THEM IN 2 WEEKS. THATS INSANE THATS SO INSANE LIKE WHAT

BUT ITS ALSO SO COOL!!!!! THAT SHES ABLE TO DO THIS AT ALL!!!!!! I AM LITERSLLY SO PROUD OF HER YOU HAVE NO IDEA

There’s just SO MUCH preparation for the athletes that goes into this kind of endurance race it’s so cool. Years of training and working up to it. And for the support team behind the athletes there’s so much that goes into meal prep and rest planning and coaching their athletes along with ensuring that their athletes are emotionally and mentally doing okay. Even just when I was support team for her training it was wild just how much goes into it from the back end to ensure everything runs as smoothly as possible even when things outside our control go wrong.

Which is even more wild because the athletes doing the DECA this year have been battling MONSTER winds during the whole bike segment. 12+mph winds in some cases which is AMAZING as a tail wind. Like you can FLY on that tail wind. But the route the athletes have to take to bike is a loop. So at some point that tail wind becomes a head wind and that SUCKS. THAT SUCKS SO BAD when I ride if I’ve got a head wind of only a couple mph I’m struggling (ignoring that I have a super heavy bike vs LoriLyn’s super light tri bike), so I can only imagine how bad a 12+mph headwind is 😭

BUT ANYWAY LoriLyn is AMAZING I am SO PROUD OF HER and I need everyone to know that

If anyone wants to follow along with her progress they have racer tracking here; https://runsignup.com/Race/Results/138197/IndividualResult/bNfz?resultSetId=484943#U46019484

And Mammoth Endurance is posting updates on their Instagram a couple times a day !! So definitely worth checking that out :D

If anyone who reads is religious and prays, prayers for her overall safety, health and emotional wellbeing are super appreciated 💖 It’s a super tough race for sure.

GAH IM SO PROUD OF HER !!!!!!

[neoplatinum]

ok hi ningning anon here.. i claim this emoji now 🪷

i have a dilemma. aespa is coming to aus for their synk tour and i wanna go but i literslly have exams a few days after the concert which id have to fly to another state for. but like its Worth It right.. like when else am i gonna see my girls . and money comes back! (its all def gonna cost over $600 w flights, accomodation and tickets😭) . i can fail some exams right..:,/)2!&

new anon!!!

hi 🪷,

hmmmhmmm i hear u 🤔

and babes u came exactly to the right person. the world could be ending the day of the aespa concert and i would STILL tell u to go. as someone who has seen them live yeah u need to go, they're so pretty irl 😍

think about it like this, a year from now which memory is going to stick more, that exam or seeing your girls. that's how i always justify it. cost wise i hope its within budget for you girlie. 😭

[insideheadvoice]

i have anxiety that im getting a chest infection, i hsd my first one ever last year that lasted a month and 2 weeks off work and i know "its just work" but im literslly the last one standing right now for all of december and i am STRESSED about it. actually care about my job and it needs me right now for us to actually run our activities that so many people rely on

[transfemlogan]

On the topic of allowing r/r events on the tss event hub, i find that unbiased information is like. Incredibly important. I think people should be able to critically think and use the information around them to come to their own conclusion (i hate, hate, hate people who r like "just trust my word" or ppl who, when u ask them a polite question in regards 2 different sides of a "debate", they r just Super Aggressive. Like you all r lame) .

But all of the mods on that blog hate r/r & "proshippers". I actively speak out against them on this blog & im never including r/r in anything on here. Bcuz theyre fucking weirdos*!! Its gross. Shipping incest is literally SO WEIRD. Theres a difference between depicting "taboo subjects" in media & not necessarily telling you that it is "bad" bcuz thats not how media works VS getting off to it as a 30 yr old fandom mom in the bluey fandom.

But i want 2 keep track of all events in the sasi fandom. Its an archive. Its supposed 2 b a resource.

But also i dont want it 2 sound like were supporting incest, were just keeping track of information. We all dislike r/r.

In the words of my friend, "ethics and morality vs importance of information" (wow this is just like that one sanders sides episode, "the mind vs the heart" wher—)

*they r weirdos, however so are some antis. the entire debate however is so unnuanced its so lame.

[steevejr]

not to b controversial in the mental illness fandom but mania..................feels good sometimes

[starvingagainiguess]

anorexia is genuine misery

i keep getting high and eating too much food lol. its not even that i want to eat it weed makes me kinda repulsed by food but the hunger pains are too much and i get so dizzy and my parents always say i look sick so in the past 3 or 4 days ive been eating over 1200 calories and i decided im gonna stop smoking until i lose 7 pounds cause 7 is the lucky number and i need to fucking chill. I watched a kinda scary movie about anorexia but it literslly did nothing to me like even though i know the risks and i watched my sister on her deathbed because of it i just will not stop. i feel like kinda hopeless for recovery like i cant imagine ever wanting to fully recover cause i always come back like its an addiction to the feeling of starving at this point and it has a lot less to do with my body image even though i definitely have raging body dysmorphia . im just venting because this shit is really fucking sad but i feel so good ? if that makes any sense. like mentally im so upset that im so trapped in this but i feel like im really achieving something by fasting and working out and taking freezing cold showers and all that even though im not achieving anything im just destroying my insides lol. i hate my loose skin so much. i hope it goes away soon or ever it makes me look just as fat as i did when i was “recovering”. this disease is truly so evil. i feel so sick in my brain. also off topic but i feel so guilty for saying that i’m bisexual because i have bipolar 2 and it makes me hypersexual and my bi friend told me that she doesn’t believe im actually bisexual because “i would hookup with anybody” but i have a crush on this girl i think but now i feel so invalid lol. wtv gonna try to do some homework bye

by the way i am not in any way at all trying to romanticize anorexia incase it comes off that way i wouldnt wish this upon my worst enemy. i hope everyone seeing this survives and gets better one day. im here for anyone who needs help or somebody to talk to. try to stay safe <3

[fruitbur]

dude being in the mcyt fandom is WILD I have found out i am fucking shorter than anyone and this is also my first time ever getting christmas messages even tho i have literslly been on tumblr since 2016 smxnmsxb

WAIT I THOUGHT WE WERE AROUND THE SAME HEIGHT??? 5"2-5"4 ARE YOU SHORTER THAN THAT???

BRO SAME!!! I DIDN'T REALLY HAVE FRIENDS ON HERE UNTIL LAST YEAR BUT EVEN THEN WE DIDN'T SAY MERRY CHRISTMAS TO EACH OTHER!!

TIME IS MEANINGLESS, IT FEELS LIKE ITS BEEN 1000 YEARS SINCE MARCH

[vamqires]

someone yell at me to finish my hw pls im begging you

[haneys]

I miss overwatch. *stock booo sound and tomatoes start flying towards me* ok but seriously I've been having a lot of nostalgia towards the overwatch 2016-2018 golden age lately. it was the first time I was in a "fandom"/community for realsies and also the moment when my english was good enough to Engage with fan works amd the fans themself so it felt so new and fun. Beautiful fanart was literslly everywhere, all the Big Blogs were being into the game, people were writing think pieces and character studies. The way the fandom worked overtime just to fix ow's plot holes for them and tried to make sense of the broken lore. Overwatch fan Songs and the HEIGHT of meme gameplay montages, heavily edited and with SFM intros and such. I got to befriend/mutual few artists that were kinda big in the fanów and then watched drama that caused a part of a zine to die unfold from the INSIDE.. AND THE WHOLE ZINE FIASCO I don't remember the name of the zine but it was the first and only zine I ever paid for and it turned out to be the BIGGEST scam in the history of overwatch fandom. The legacy that zine flop has. The way mchanzo started genuelly as a crack ship out of the blue and somehow grew into the BEHEMOTH it was and completly took over the fandom and everyone was so done with it and #not like other girls by not liking it. the HUGE "hang the fool" drama where the biggest (genuelly enormous) mchanzo fic with the biggest fan following was weirdly fucking racist and also a shit characterization of all the characters. hang the fool getting its whole zine help. the anti hang the fool movement and people starting to call it hold the fart. literally the discourse was so big. the way people were waiting for bliz to add a black woman to the game, fights broke when they added orisa (some people argued it counts BDBCJS....) and then eventually we even got the fucking hamster before a black woman hero. ashe albino drama. the fandom piecing together that symmetra is autistic and the ow team actually confirming that. Actually literally anyhting Michael Chu did on the twitter, constantly dropping random ass lore tibuts that were creating even more plot holes so people argued whether what he's saying should be considered canon. All the Papa Jeff memes... him doing the yule logs where he sits in a chair for 12 hours non stop i think, streaming the whole time. Genji's i need healing. and my own memories... My mom getting the book of overwatch for me as a Christmas gift (it was so expensive) and other gear... having matching ow Facebook meme pfps with mt best friend. watching the cinematic with my dad and explaining the lore to my mom and how she's tooootally like Ana... My account getting stolen 3 times *shy*. Man...

I dont even remember it all because i wasn't there in the trenches due to language barrier and me just getting into a fandom for the first time but I've been thinking about it all a lot especially since Blizzard is speedruning it's own death atm. I even thought about making like a retrospective-like video like some out there on YouTube where I could go over everything I remember and research, just getting the history, rise and fall and my thoughts out there but erm 1 I litersly would rather die than give blizzard any sort of positive attention, which even if I started I hope they Die the video wpuld probably do 2 I wpuld actually have to know how to write a video essay and also how to use even the most basic video editing software. which I am clueless about. I could do a semi decent power point presentation but that's not the same 3 who asked + nobody cares + L + the nostalgia is clouding your vision + cringe

can i confess something

[mothmanseye]

Thinking earlier and i wish i were out. Im so scared to come out as bi to anyone that literslly only 2 people know and i KNOW thats okay but i have friends who are out and im scared to even come out to them. I dont understand why im so scared about it? I dont think anyone would react badly. I guess i dont want my family to know mostly even though i know they wouldnt hate me or anything, my stepmom just has a way of making me feel weird about things. She tries to make it seem csring but its like the way she does is like she knows its just something weird and she doesnt want to offend me but then it makes me feel worse. I came out to her in 8th or 8th grade and then told her that i wasnt actuslly bi snd was just confused hecause she made me feel weird about it, but i am completely bi and i completely love women and men and i want a girlfriend so bad. I mean not right now since i have a bf but i one day want to have s girlfriend, but i cant if im not out. And i cant tell anyone ive dated because im scared about the fact that everyone thinks bi people cheat more or will certainly cheat which is FALSE and deeply upsets me and i guess thats one reason im scared. Also im 18 and i dont want people to treat me weird because they never saw me as a wlw. Like fuck i just want to be OUT and be COMFORTABLE about it. Damn.