#its like total unbridled joy. its so wonderful
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i have a confession i really like xmas
#its like total unbridled joy. its so wonderful#its winter. theres snow. this means it automatically rules. i like the minty smells and the chocolate. and the annoying upbeat music#my family always celebrated it growing up and because my mom goes all out on everything she'd go all out on xmas#and we have the most fun ornaments . fuck#im craving the winter i need it i need it NOW#i have that reverse seasonal depression where if the sun rises too early i get viscerally upset#so maybe it /is/ just the association with winter andalso the growing up in america in a mostly atheist family .#and also this is so ridiculous but my jewish family came to town for xmas last year and ilove them so much#so now im like YAY YIPPEEE!!! COME BAAAACK
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[SHIMMER] viNCE AND SO MI đâ¨ď¸
meme
Of all places they could've wound up in, a small lake that isn't a toxic dump has to be the most pleasant. There's not a landfill, factory or other polluter in sight â they're well and truly alone with the water. In fact, as he takes his sights beyond the far edge, he can trace its origins up the slope of one of the mountains encasing them and the side of the road they'd parked on a way's back.
To think that just days ago, they'd set out from the miserable wasteland outside of NC, a ways south of where they are now. It's almost like he'd forgotten where those endless roads could actually take him.
Now, it can't take more than half an hour for the sun to sink behind the ragged shoulders of the mountains ahead ...
Tracing the reflection across the water surface back to where they stand, his gaze â as it so often does â effortlessly finds its way to So Mi; and just as their eyes lock on to each other, he smiles. She grins, and he somehow, against his expectations, knows what it means.
Or maybe he's projecting; making it mean what he wants it to mean.
Either way, he throws caution to the wind â his black shirt comes off, and just as he gets to kicking off his shoes, So Mi's jacket piles on top of it. A grin splits his features, teeth flashing in unadulterated excitement; amusement. He feels like a child again; like the eleven-year-old that would later get in trouble for diving into a river downstream from a power plant, or the thirteen-year-old that ended his day grounded for using the family's vehicles for an unfriendly race against the Wraiths.
But this is so much more innocent. It has to be in the face of this total lack of risk. The water looks crisp, clean, and all too inviting to be left unstirred by them!
No one here to tan their hide for disturbing the peace with their unbridled joy while it lasts, anyway.
V laughs and a small flock of birds thrusts up from one of the trees, and he's briefly left to wonder if this is all a dream. He wouldn't be surprised if it was â the setting's almost too idyllic to be real, and his company even more so.
Dream or not, he intends to make the most of it.
Once down to his shorts, he looks So Mi's way again, and the frantic chaos of his glee somehow subsides. It simmers down into something calmer; something centred on his appreciation of their surroundings, of them against this verdant, painting-like backdrop, in fact.
He stands still a moment longer, marvelling at the sight of her â not the amount of revealed skin, but most of all how her gold-streaked eyes catch the citrine light, and how it in turn casts an orange highlight across her purple hair. It could bring a tear to his eye if only he'd let it.
Instead he swallows and approaches, his expression bespeaking the tenderness of his feelings for her. His slow pace concludes about half a step away from her, placing him close enough to her to necessitate the angling of his chin to hold her gaze. His mind's set on keeping them moving, however, so he takes her by the hand ( skin against RealSkinn ), and nods towards the lake.
He saves his words, leading her to gently lapping water, pausing only to process the biting cold at his feet upon first touch. A breathy 'whoo!' escapes him as he stops momentarily. He looks over his shoulder again, finding her ... unflinching.
He doesn't speculate as to the reasoning behind it for too long ( maybe RealSkinn doesn't need to perceive it so accutely; maybe this isn't the first time she's taking a dive into a lake of glacial water ... ). Rather, he sucks in a breath and carry on, walking backwards just to continue facing her â farther, farther; deeper and deeper, until his toes are hardly touching the pebbles below his feet.
Laboured breathing for the first twenty seconds or so aside, he feels fine â alive and energized, in fact. So much so, his former smirk makes a return as he shifts his weight to float on his back, holding on to her hand still.
Coasting by in front of her, an airy chuckle leaves him as he looks skywards.
â You seen those videos of otters holdin' hands while they sleep in the water? â
#yakam0z#â thread / v.#can you tell my playlist took me through a whole range of emotions while writing this JSDFJSJ#anyway this is very unhinged of me ... no i will not be taking questions on the matter thank u#i'm going to be busy daydreaming abt them for the next 24 centuries đ
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When I was new to fandom I was bored by Dany and Jon story. Dany for me was typical fantasy heroine who was winning and getting everything and Jon has basically underdog story which wasn't that new. When I saw the so hyped boatsex I was like eh? I found Arya more interesting and Sansa started to grow on me. It's through jonsa I started admiring Jon and loving Sansa. Also through Sansa and jonsa fandom I realised Dany is a villain which is better than savior of world.
Hi nonny, well you were not alone in seeing Dany as a fantasy heroine (lots and lots and lots of people saw her this way). I suppose Iâd disagree with the idea that she is typical...mainly because she isnât the heroine, and her story is one fantastic inversion of the heroâs journey. I love Danyâs storyline for what itâs doing. Unfortunately, many people donât see it. I also love Jonâs story, especially as this wonderful parallel to Danyâs, except where Danyâs experiences only heighten her sense of âspecialnessâ, Jonâs experiences are constantly forcing him to see and even âlive inâ other peopleâs perspectives. Danyâs arc is about hubris and upholding this idea that she alone deserves unbridled power, while Jonâs is about humility and seeing the inherent value in other peopleâs lives. He pays dearly for his mistakes, especially when he tries to push his friends away and take on the burden of leadership alone (but thatâs getting way ahead of what I want to talk about today).Â
Almost immediately, Danyâs chapters are infused with the language of âspecialnessâ. She is the âblood of the dragonâ, she is the khaleesi, a princess, a queen...and almost immediately, Jon Snow is disabused about any such notions he may have had, even as a bastard.Â
Jon stared sullenly at the smoke rising from the brazier, until Noye took him under the chin, thick fingers twisting his head around. "Look at me when I'm talking to you, boy."
Jon looked. The armorer had a chest like a keg of ale and a gut to match. His nose was flat and broad, and he always seemed in need of a shave. The left sleeve of his black wool tunic was fastened at the shoulder with a silver pin in the shape of a longsword. "Words won't make your mother a whore. She was what she was, and nothing Toad says can change that. You know, we have men on the Wall whose mothers were whores."
Not my mother, Jon thought stubbornly. He knew nothing of his mother; Eddard Stark would not talk of her. Yet he dreamed of her at times, so often that he could almost see her face. In his dreams, she was beautiful, and highborn, and her eyes were kind.
"You think you had it hard, being a high lord's bastard?" the armorer went on. "That boy Jeren is a septon's get, and Cotter Pyke is the baseborn son of a tavern wench. Now he commands Eastwatch by the Sea."
"I don't care," Jon said. "I don't care about them and I don't care about you or Thorne or Benjen Stark or any of it. I hate it here. It's too ⌠it's cold."
"Yes. Cold and hard and mean, that's the Wall, and the men who walk it. Not like the stories your wet nurse told you. Well, piss on the stories and piss on your wet nurse. This is the way it is, and you're here for life, same as the rest of us."Â
A Game of Thrones - Jon III
As soon as Jon arrives at the Wall, his uncle gives him the cold shoulder and goes so far as to verbally reprimand Jon for believing heâd get special favor for being Ned Starkâs son, and then Donal Noye also knocks him down a few more pegs, calling him boy and reminding him that he is no better than anyone else at the Wall.Â
"Yes, life," Noye said. "A long life or a short one, it's up to you, Snow. The road you're walking, one of your brothers will slit your throat for you one night."
"They're not my brothers," Jon snapped. "They hate me because I'm better than they are."
"No. They hate you because you act like you're better than they are. They look at you and see a castle-bred bastard who thinks he's a lordling." The armorer leaned close. âYou're no lordling. Remember that. You're a Snow, not a Stark. You're a bastard and a bully."
A Game of Thrones - Jon III
Two chapters later, Dany is a married woman and riding in Khal Drogoâs khalasar. While she is miserable at the start (and rightly so. She is sold and raped. Iâm in no way pretending that Danyâs life doesnât start out horrible. Itâs far more horrible than Jonâs start to life), she is in a position of power for the first time ever, and lets just say she takes to it just fine.Â
Jorah tells her about ghost grass (that passage deserves its own meta - the writing was on the wall from book one, people), and Dany doesnât want to hear it:Â
"I don't want to talk about that now," she said. "It's so beautiful here, I don't want to think about everything dying."
"As you will, Khaleesi," Ser Jorah said respectfully.
A Game of Thrones - Daenerys III
Jon doesnât want to hear people calling his mother a whore = Tough luck kid, your mother was who she was. Face reality.Â
Dany doesnât want to hear about ghost grass murdering all life = conversation ends and Dany gets to enjoy the beautiful day without others spoiling it.Â
"Wait here," Dany told Ser Jorah. "Tell them all to stay. Tell them I command it."
The knight smiled. Ser Jorah was not a handsome man. He had a neck and shoulders like a bull, and coarse black hair covered his arms and chest so thickly that there was none left for his head. Yet his smiles gave Dany comfort. "You are learning to talk like a queen, Daenerys."
"Not a queen," said Dany. "A khaleesi." She wheeled her horse about and galloped down the ridge alone.
The descent was steep and rocky, but Dany rode fearlessly, and the joy and the danger of it were a song in her heart. All her life Viserys had told her she was a princess, but not until she rode her silver had Daenerys Targaryen ever felt like one.
A Game of Thrones - Daenerys III
Their stories are inversions of each other from their very first pages in AGOT and it culminates in ADWD which is this wonderful deep dive into how these divergent viewpoints color their leadership styles.Â
I donât have time to go on and on about this, but I find Dany and Jonâs stories fascinating and I love them as foils. They just donât make any sense from a shipping perspective.Â
That being said, for the show, I totally bought into the pol!jon theory. That was the only thing that made season 7 fit any kind of narrative sense, and with that lens I didnât mind the season or the boat sex scene, because I thought the lack of chemistry was the point. LOL. Iâm a clown.Â
However you came to Jonsa, Iâm glad you did! I agree. Dany makes a much more interesting villain than she does a heroine. We donât need any more white savior stories. Blech.Â
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in the eyes of the beholder
[ ffxivwrite2021 ] â
[ masterlist ] â
[ prompt #22 - fluster ]
[alphinaud/wol ] â
[ 2,042 words ] Â â
[ post-canon ]
fluster-Â to put into a state of agitated confusion or embarrassmentÂ
they say an artists always inadvertently pours their heartâs true feelings into their drawings.
The apartment has never been this empty - not since the day he moved in. With cardboard box towers stacked high, and a few other empty ones that have yet to be packed, Alphinaud pauses for a moment to straighten himself up and admire the empty space around him, wiping the sweat off his brows.
This has been his home for a good many years, not quite the kind that he would liken to Leveilleur manor back in Old Sharlayan where he grew up in.. but a home nonetheless- with the bonus of knowing his most trusted friends and allies are ever close by, Rising Stones being just a mere stroll away. So he cannot help but to feel a pang of sadness and longing swelling in his heart, especially as he casts a glance out the window to look upon the slow spinning aetheryte that stood in the center of Revenantâs Toll.Â
But, Alphinaud reminds himself, as he finally turns his gaze to look at the young woman standing upon a lalafellin stool in front of the bookcase, her arms stretched high above her head as she grabs at the rows of dust coated tomes and gives each a thorough pat and sweep with her feather duster, that the feeling was more sweet than it was bitter.Â
His girlfriend- or rather... his fiancĂŠe has busied herself with clearing his impressive collection of tomes and scrolls, cleaning them of months of neglect, before sorting and then packing them into the half-filled box next to her aptly labelled with a thick brush pen as âBooksâ. Sheâd even sorted the titles out by alphabetical order, just like heâd requested.
Theyâve been packing since morning now, and heâs beginning to feel hours of prior strenuous labor catch up to him as he stretches his arms and flexes his fingers. And yet Illya seemed to be none worse for wear, for as used to physical strain and tireless work as she justifiably is.Â
Alphinaud takes a second to stop and stare at the woman for a fleeting moment. Her silken white hair that normally cascaded down past her shoulders and waist was now pulled up into a high ponytail and secured with a floral patterned scrunchy, her hair bopping and swaying side to side with every of her movements. Her pink overalls is stained and caked in dust, as is the once pristine white of her shirt underneath - but her dirtied wardrobe hadnât seem to even be noticed at all, let alone bothered the woman.
And as she took her time to take a book by its spine and read the title before quickly dusting it, sheâs merrily humming to the tune of an old Doman piece, volume soft and barely audible, yet soothing as her voice rose and filled the dusty air with an uplifting song.
When the young elezen man finally regains enough of his senses to snap out of his gawking, he can only twist his lips up into a bright smile before calling out her name.
âLiya.â
Her head swivels around instantly, amethyst bright eyes shimmering with immediate affection as she looks at him and mirrors his smile with her own, dazzlingly warm one.
âYes, alphy?âÂ
Her voice is sugar coated and dripping with sickly sweetness that he drinks up like heâs a man starved, heart soaring with an unbridled joy as he catches a glimpse of the ring on her fourth finger, a radiant crystal blossom sitting upon the painfully detailed golden band.
No matter how many times he attempts to fathom the reality of his present, there was always a more rational, disbelieving side to Alphinaud that would struggle to believe it. To fathom the great fortune he must have to be engaged to the woman he loved more than anything in the world, let alone someone who has been his biggest inspiration and source of admiration and motivation for years. And he cannot believe that he will soon be living under the same roof as her.
The Warrior of Light... soon to be his Warrior of Light. Even thinking of her as his threatens boyish laughter and cheers out of him.Â
Snapping out of the revelry of his daydream, Alphinaud gestures towards the metal canister next to her stool, long since emptied and left neglected with its contents drained.Â
âYou must be tired. How about a break? Iâll refill your bottle for you.â
âNo,no thatâs okay-â Unsurprisingly, Illya is quick to refuse his offer with a shake of her head.��âIâm not that tired. Donât let me bother you.â
âItâs not a bother, dearest.â With a sigh, Alphinaud moves over to grab the canister, amused snicker leaving his lips when he looks down at the exasperated pout on Illyaâs lips. âLet me do this much for you at least. I wonât be long.â
Ever a woman who much preferred relying on herself, it took a good many years for Illya to come to terms with accepting her own limitations and weaknesses - let alone entertaning the idea of burdening her loved ones with her troubles... no matter how trivial or small they may be.
But sheâs come far - they both have... and the girl who would once stutter and burst into a blushing fluster is nowhere to be found in the presence of a older, more confident woman, who merely drops her shoulders in defeat before accepting his offer.
âIf you insist, love. Make sure to refill for yourself too, okay?âÂ
With a quick nod, Alphinaud swiftly take his own bottle before leaving the apartment before crossing through corridors past other closed doors and speed walking down flights of stairs to get to the Seventh Heaven.
Bloezoeng greets the elezen with a cheery grin, graciously refilling the two canisters full with a topping of ice cool water while making small talk, asking how the packing was going and even asking the young man to send his regards to the Warrior of Light. Nearby, the wandering minstrel sings as he strums at his harp, and Alphinaud only spares a single seconds glance towards the door leading into the back where the Rising Stones is, before leaving the Seventh Heaven, heavy and damp water canisters in hand.
Alphinaud hadnât been lying when he said that he wouldnât take long - itâd been a total of four minutes maximum by the time he reaches the third floor and walks down the hallway towards the only open door.Â
And yet when when he hears what the voice of his beloved says as he approaches the apartment, along with the tell tale sounds of sketch paper flipping, his blood runs dry in his veins and he feels himself freeze in instinctive panic.
âThis book... it has no title?â
A book with no title.... Oh gods. She could only be referring to one book - the only book heâd kept purposefully hidden away on his shelf between other innocuous books for reasons unknown to all save himself. The only book with a blank cover, the only book with a well used bookmark made from a pressed lily that Illya had gifted him so many years ago slotted between its pages. A book that he had not wanted anyone to find or to see the contents of - especially not her.
âW-wait- Liya! Donât-â He bolts into the room and drops the canisters onto the floor with a responding thud that leaves wet patches upon the wooden planks, navy blue eyes blown wide in terror. His heart pounds loudly in the confines of his tight chest, which then quickly sinks into the pits of his stomach when he stares dumbfoundedly at the lalafell and the wide opened book in her hands.
Sheâs staring down, speechless herself.Â
The pages of the book was not filled with words - but drawings. Black and white sketches created with a fine pencil and quill, soft water colored paintings that left dried patches of color upon the pages, colored line art that had been meticulously cell-shaded with an array of colored ink.Â
It was Alphinaudâs sketchbook- but not the one he carries in his travel bag or has laying open on his desk. He wouldnât go through such lengths to conceal a sketchbook if it had just been that - and his dearest has always expressed how much she loved to look at his art.
But this was no ordinary sketchbook - for countless pages between the lavender purple covers of that book, marked with a bright white flower was filled with visages of the Warrior of Light - of the woman he loved.Â
From a quick sketch of the lalafellin woman with a stern expression as she was lost in her focus upon an embroidery hoop, a more detailed, colored drawing of her in her adventuring garments, long starlit hair radiant against a dark starry night background as she casts her eyes upwards at the sky... and a small painting of her surrounded by a sea of flowers, the gust of spring wind blowing her hair and pink dress behind her as she holds a single flower between her clasped hands as if in prayer, a serene, ethereal expression upon her face.
Illya can barely even recognize those figures as herself- is disbelieving as she flips through drawing after drawing of what was clearly Alphinaudâs favorite model in various clothing, settings and circumstances, in different mediums to boot.
But the one thing that remained a constant was the heart of the art he painstakingly filled the sketch books with, the heartfelt emotions and earnestness he must have felt as he was working on a single page.
There is a saying that says an artist will always inadvertently pour their truest, deepest feelings into the art they create - that a piece of drawing was a piece of an artistâs heart.
Illya could only wonder then, as she stares with heat pooling in her cheeks that spread rapidly to the tips of her pointed ears... what was it that Alphinaud was feeling whenever he held this sketchbook or drew within it?Â
What was it that he was seeing within his wide, observant eyes when he drew her? What compelled him? What will continue to compel him?
She holds his heart in her hands delicately, as if it would break if she were not careful, and slowly closes it before turning to look at the man, who has an equally, if not brighter, darker blush upon his now cherry red face.
âT-that is! I-I.... I was just- I-I-Itâs not-âÂ
Alphinaud was not often a man who got this flustered. Even when he is teased by the likes of Krile and Alisaie who threatened whenever possible and the situation was appropriate to spill unflattered secrets about his past to her, there is a sort of calm elegance to the way heâd diffuse the situation and more often than not lead her away from the two âgossip mongersâ... as he would so eloquently put it. Though, to be fair, years of putting up with that has taught him to be a little more dexterous in navigating forbidden subjects about his time in the Studium around them.Â
But when the blame of the situation was nobody but his own to bear, and it involved a deeply hidden secret heâs kept for so many years from her... itâs destroyed whatever little of his poise heâs pretended to develop over the years... And Illya was absolutely the last person he wanted to have see him in such an unsightly state.
 While Alphinaud attempts futilely to scrounge up a believable excuse, the lalafell has climbed down from her stool and is walking towards him.Â
The afternoon sky is bright, casting sunrays through the window panes and forming spotlights upon the wooden floor, as dust bunnies bounce and float carefreely around the room. Illya steps into the light, and the afternoon rays immediately reflect off her head like cut crystal... and above reddened nose are a pair of shining eyes that gaze up at him, and Alphinaud momentarily forgets to breath as she closes the distance between them and smiles delicately.
âI-If..... If you wanted me to model for you, you... you could have just a-asked me...â
#ffxiv#final fantasy xiv#ffxivwrite2021#ffxivwrite#kiwisffxivwrite2021#alphinaud leveilleur#alphinaud#illya skawi#we've come so far#mine#fanfic
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Lullaby
Oneshot
Reader x Min Yoongi
âş Soulmate!AU
Comfort
Warnings: None
Words: 2K
âł Summary: He canât sleep when youâre awake, crying over the things you arenât.
why hello readers yes i am hyperfixating away from my problems why do you ask
@teawithkpopâ and I had a discussion concerning vaguely psychic BTS that in one eight-hour work shift turned into a full soulmate AU in my head. I made myself cry writing this. (psst, this song goes really well with it, especially once he gets on the balcony)
Please enjoy, and donât forget to love yourself.
Youâre crying again.Â
The sensation of tightness in his chest, head poundingâthis feeling so like drowning sinks claws into Yoongiâs dreams, coiling about his neck until he canât breathe and suddenly heâs staring at the muted darkness of his room, watching his mind carve whirling shapes into the shadows. His mind reels with phantom pain, heartache that isnât his, a tight throat and burdened soul that donât belong to him. He feels sick.Â
Except, and this is always the weirdest part, that he doesnât.Â
Instead, he blinks, eyes heavy, and fumbles for his phone, arm made of granite. The screen is too bright in this darkness, and it takes a moment of blinking, squinting, frowning, before the symbols spearing their way through his retinas make any kind of sense. 2:37 AM.Â
Holding his hand out in this position is something of a task and its job done, he allows his arm to drop limply to the covers, his head following suit with a short breath of exasperation. It isnât your fault. He never blames you. He knows you donât know about the day heâs going to have to have tomorrow. The promotions heâs been getting ready for, the difficult and involved choreography heâs learning.Â
And even him knowing his own schedule doesnât mean heâll be going back to sleep anytime soon. Not like this, not with you rending yourself in two in his head. So, he gifts himself one more moment of stubborn sprawling, playing like heâs still sleeping to a dark and empty room.Â
Youâre crying harder now. He can feel it, that wracking, all-encompassing sense of the world crumbling underneath your feet. The fear of falling, the desperate clawing for any kind of hold on a surface that dissolves in your fingers. This time, the twinge of his heart is his own, twisted with pity and longing. Always longing.Â
Mindlessly determined now, he kicks his legs out from under his covers and crawls off the bed one limb at a time, swaying to and fro. The lights in the hallway are too bright to be turning on at this hour, so he navigates by the glow of various electrical devices in his apartment, ambling his zombie-like way to the kitchen.Â
2 in the morning is a little early for you. Or possibly late. He doesnât really knowâdespite that week or so where heâd managed to convince himself that heâd pinned your timezone down. He flicks the kettle on, fumbling for a mug through the cabinets, some tea, still musing absently, half-asleep, on you.Â
He thought he was dying when it first happened.Â
Halfway asleep one late night, just before he drifted off on top of his covers, phone in hand. His chest suddenly swelled with such immense joy that he actually cried. After the initial shock, the fear of actually, finally, going clinically insane, he elected to ignore it. Told no one, hoped if he just forgot it happened, then nothing would have to come of it. A few days later, he nearly jumped through his ceiling with a sudden flash of anger, red-hot, searing its way through his lungs like righteous fire, first thing in the morning. The warlike shout that had forced its way out of him tore his voice asunder and made recording that day incredibly difficult and awkward to explain. You really have a penchant for experiencing extreme emotion around his bedtime. Heâs already made the mental note to berate you for it, once you finally meet.Â
Once he finally meets his soulmate.Â
The doctors had reassured him that it was actually shockingly normal for celebrities to unintentionally âawakenâ their soulmates before either was aware they existed. Itâs just a numbers game, theyâd said. If youâre plastered across screens and billboards all around the world, eventually, one of the millions who pass by it is going to be yours. And having seen him, somewhere, sometime, youâd been bound to him. Emotional telepathy. The first step in âtotal soul connectionâ, or whatever it was theyâd called it. Anytime you felt anything strong, anytime you experienced something important, it bled through to him, in the form of unchecked, unbridled feeling.Â
Jimin had helped him in trying to narrow the timeframe, chasing this frantic energy that possessed him in the beginning. This manic desperation to find you, culminating in long fingers dug into his hair so hard he could have pulled his brain through the strands, eyes squeezed so tightly shut it hurt, curled into a ball at his dining room table and fighting back the urge to cry until he died from it. Heâd spent three days tracking his groupâs popularity from when heâd first felt you, and ended up with nothing but a sour taste in his mouth and a sick feeling in his stomach at the impossible unfairness of it all.
Yoongi nearly falls asleep on the counter waiting for the water to boil, jumping violently at the click of the tab coming back up. He pours it into the mug, smacking his lips absently, running a sluggish hand through his bangs to try and shift them out his already limited vision. The room fills with the thick sound of water, the smell of fresh tea. He takes a minute to appreciate how nice it smells, whole body stilling, eyes closing, concentrating. A beat passes.Â
He opens them, tiredly, sniffing once and reaching for the mug. Itâs warming against his palm, radiating heat down his hand, his arm. Thereâs a soft, nearly threadbare blanket draped over the back of the sofa that he collects as he shuffles towards the balcony. He pauses to force his feet into the slippers by the door before he slides it open, deciding he could just as well fix them once heâs sitting down. They flop stubbornly against his toes as he walks, situated just barely off from fitting right.Â
Itâs a gorgeous night. Morning. Whatever. The temperature is mild, the air feels almost warm, and the breeze that passes through is gentle. It threads careful hands through his hair, kisses his cheeks, bringing with it the dusky scent of night.
He slides the door shut behind him, shutting him off from the apartment and completely baring him to the view of Seoulâs cityline in the distance. Lights glittering across the river like stardust, casting heretical flares into the velvet above. Buildings rising from the horizon like shadowy hands, reaching out to grasp the heavens in their palms. And all of it reflected in the water, an imperfect mirror of black glass throwing the sleepless eyes of the city back in its face.Â
The company had assured him it was perfectly normal to want to find his soulmate, especially now that youâd awoken to him. But it just wouldnât be feasible. Not now. Not with how things are. He told himself that he wouldâve quit on the spot, but heâs far too practical for that kind of thoughtless drama. And if you were really his soulmate, he knew youâd understand.Â
Instead, he scanned every set of eyes he could in every crowd. Played leapfrog through social media sometimes, when the longing in his chest was especially loud. He had no idea if heâd seen you already. Sometimes, especially when he felt ugly things, he wondered if you were there with him. If you waited for him like he waited for you, chasing ghosts and always doubtful whether you were even going in the right direction.
Heâd attempted to be casual about writing a song for you, but it took very few words slinking out between numb, awkward lips before Namjoon immediately saw straight through him. Good olâ Rational Namjoon smiled that soft smile of his and told him with that soft voice of his that Yoongi would send all the world into a panic, writing a song like that. Heâd end up with enough âsoulmatesâ to populate a small country. And beside, it wasnât something he could do without passing it underneath the companyâs scrutiny and catching flack for trying to sneak. So for now, it seemed, heâd just have to sit here and miss someone heâd never met.
The next pang that screams through him shakes him the worst of all, to his core, and it comes close to taking him out at the knees as he moves to sit on the chair he set up out on the balcony when he moved in. He physically winces at the sensation, grip tightening on his mug, other hand digging blunt, anxiously chewed fingernails into the wicker of the chairâs arm. Hate. Itâs hate that youâre feeling now. Yoongi knows it too well, it bleeds into his own emotions, muddles the line between you.
The excitement youâd clouded his senses with last week made him grin for an entire day, your heart beating inside his ribs like a caged bird.
The fear from a month ago sent him into a panic, had him packing a suitcase before heâd given pause to the fact that he doesnât even know where you are. (Hoseok talked him down from that one; popular theory was that youâd been thrillseeking. Watching a horror movie or riding a rollercoaster. Yoongi wasnât entirely convinced until you âchecked back inâ a little later with a deeply satisfied feeling of content. Heâd breathed a sigh of relief that felt like the first time heâd tasted oxygen in all his life.)
But this emotion has a texture to it that feels all too familiar against Yoongiâs teeth, coiled around his throat. Self-hate. You arenât just crying, youâre losing a battle against yourself. And not for the first time he wishes more than anything that you could be here. With him. Where you belong. Where he could take you into his arms and promise you that you are so much stronger than your shadow. Where he could take up a light of his own and help you chase that darkness away, as best he could, at your side. Where he belongs.
He blinks up at the sky, as if he could watch your thoughts chasing his in the night. He takes the blanket, wrapping it studiously around his legs, tucking it into the sides, bundling up until heâs warm and comfortable and safe. He takes the mug in his hand, sips gingerly at the tea thatâs still just a little too hot to drink steadily.Â
Yoongi looks out over the river, watches it ripple and sparkle, counts the airplanes, satellites, crawling across the domed sky. He notices how beautiful it is. How warm he feels. Secure.Â
He has no idea if heâs seen you yet. He doesnât know if you can feel him.Â
He closes his eyes. He focuses on how he feels content. Safe, and happy. Tea on his lips, you on his mind, hope in the palm of his hand. The world with his voice perched on its tongue, waiting for a new day to share with him. Â
He has no idea how long he sits there.Â
You calm slowly, painfully, clawing first by force into exhaustion. Your emotions, bleeding and ragged and so, so tired, but triumphant for one more night, trail slivers and snippets through his mind as you begin to fade from his grasp.Â
You leave him alone on his balcony, set against a backdrop of manmade stars. His tea has gone cold in his mug now.Â
He sends you one last reach, one last sliver of soft comfort, one last shared moment of pride in your strength, before he gives up. He yawns, decadently wide, and shifts upwards to head back inside, the blanket dogging his steps like he were a weary king with a crown of lead.Â
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love was made for me and you (and you)
originally posted: february 15th, 2019
word count: 22,821 words
rated: teen
beatrice baudelaire/bertrand baudelaire/lemony snicket, beatrice baudelaire/lemony snicket, beatrice baudelaire/bertrand baudelaire
violet baudelaire, klaus baudelaire, beatrice baudelaire, lemony snicket, bertrand baudelaire, kit snicket, the duchess of winnipeg, dewey denouement, olivia caliban, beatrice snicket
alternate universe â modern setting, alternate universe â everybody lives/nobody dies, alternate universe â parent trap fusion, family, romantic comedy, humor, with occasional required sad undertones, screenplay/script format, less of a fic and more of an outline but one hell of an outline, with enthusiastic swearing by yours truly, referenced but very background kit/dewey and duchess/olivia
Summary:
[so beatrice is nicholas, lemony is elizabeth, violet is annie, klaus is hallie, bertrand is the absolute worst at being meredith because he is a Genuinely Nice Person so honestly heâs really not meredith at all, and those parallels are all a little loose anyway because i moved places and conversations and character roles and basically everything around, everyone is just a mess. where is vfd????? i sure don't know.]
Notes:
back in march 2018, the good the iconic the legendary the CLASSIC ace attorney parent trap au came back on my dash and I decided to rewatch the parent trap a few days later, and as I was watching it, I thought, âi wonder how that would work with asoue, and lemony and beatrice, and of course with them getting together with bertrand,â because I will of course ship the three of them together in any fic I can, but I told myself âgirl, you cannot write this fic. you have too many other fics to write, you canNOT write this fic.â
I then told myself, âwell, yeah, okay, but that doesnât mean I canât outline it.â
and then the outline spun wildly out of control, to the point where i was never going to write it as a full actual fic because it wasn't going to work like that anymore, but also to the point where it had a life of its own and was in my opinion somehow still worth reading like an actual fic. this is over 20k of a lemonberry ice parent trap au half-fic/half-outline/half-weird-script/wonderful mess of conversations and headcanons, and I genuinely hope my weirdly detailed ramblings (and unapologetic swearing) bring people as much unbridled joy as they bring me. I wrote this with the intention to have fun, and I hope!! you have fun too!!!
I think you can get through this with a working knowledge of the parent trap movie (1998 version) but a thorough knowledge is also very good
title obviously corrupted from love by nat king cole
.
lemony and beatrice, young and definitely foolish and definitely in love but totally not thinking this through, marry (fairly soon after college) and beatrice has twins, violet and klaus (violet is two minutes older, their birthday in this splits the difference between (what I personally image to be) their canon birthdays, so thatâs, what, january 8th or something???? first I had it as the 3rd but nick and liz marry in the movie on january 8th and I was like âwell thatâs not too big a change to make in the name of a good referenceâ).
not long after, their marriage dissolves (for, well, pretty much canon reasons???? I mean like with less accusations of arson and criminal activity. lemony has Radical Commitment Issues and beatrice is Impulsive and Angry and Not Taking Anyoneâs Shit and honestly how they made it through marriage and having kids with all those problems completely in tact and never doing anything about them is anyoneâs guess, love is Occasionally Not Cool), they divorce, and lemony takes violet and beatrice takes klaus.
they both leave The City which I have always imagined as new york even though iâve never spent a second there in my life, but anyway, beatrice does go to california (she likes the weather, but she does not end up in sanfran (danhanâs hometown) â the part of me simultaneously obsessed with a different fandom is screaming santa barbara!!!! but no iâm going to stick with the movie and say although sheâs not in a vineyard she is in napa), the idea of lemony just being in england as like, a concept, and especially with a broken heart, is hilarious to me
kit: do I have to confiscate your copy of keats?
kit: do I?
kit: do I, lemony??????
beatrice raises klaus with the help of the duchess of winnipeg (and ramonaâs delightfully sentimental and frankly adorable wife, olivia caliban, I will sail this ship single-handedly I guess) (what is ramona doing in california????? OH MAN DO I FINALLY GET TO BUST OUT THIS LINE I TOOK OUT OF THE BAYBEA FIC
ramona: have you seen winnipeg lately???
ramona: thereâs not much for me to duchess over.
actually itâs probably that ramonaâs mother is still alive in this (otherwise what would be the POINT of everybody lives/nobody dies modern au???? fucking fight me) and she takes care of winnipeg and ramona was like ââŚ...canadaâs not doing it for meâ and her mother was like âcanada doesnât do it much for anyone, dear.â and ramona skedaddled to california with olivia, which worked out because they have banging careers as artists out in california.) (ramona paints (she likes watercolors and pastels), olivia actually writes historical fiction lesbian romance novels (where everyone also lives!!! she writes an on point jazz age novel only everyone lives and itâs great) (why historical fiction??? olivia is a sucker for romance and loves big sweeping romance epicsâŚ.and ramona) (are her books just. period piece self-inserts with her and ramona??? well why the FUCK not), they are bothâŚâŚâŚ..really too good for this world.) (anyway bea has zero (0) family with which to raise klaus so ramona and olivia offer to help her out. out of the goodness of their hearts and long-standing friendship, not because they have any experience raising a child. they do not. have any experience.)
and lemony raises violet with the help of his sister. kit and dewey get together earlier, and have their daughter earlier (violetâsâŚ.five or six when sheâs born?), and name her (obvs not beatrice) bernadette (I have Specific Reasons for naming her bernadette, however that is in my giant list of bernadette headcanons, which is a whole other Thing). beatrice is an actress (klaus canât act for shit, sorry), lemony is a writer (violet doesnât have a poetic bone in her body, sorry). (but violet can act and klaus is pretty good at putting words together.)
ELEVEN YEARS AGO BY, or, well, eleven and a half, I guess, eleven and a half delightful years filled with the following â
-lemony and beatrice fervently denying they ever married each other and trying to forget the other even exists, what do you mean you have photographic evidence, we were definitely not married
-ramonaâs mother briefly going to california to tell three grown women how to change a diaper
-klaus, age one and a half, crawling up the staircase in their house all by himself to get to the library, beatrice promptly dies out of sheer terror
(true event. I did that.)
-violet getting ahold of a wrench at the same age and fixing one of the loose bars in her crib
(not a true event. I did not do that.)
-dewey and jacques, trying to fix the curtains in violetâs room, immediately and silently agreeing to never tell lemony they were The Worst Uncles In Existence for five seconds for accidentally dropping the wrench in violetâs crib
-beatrice training herself not to do a double-take every time she sees klaus with a book because he looks fleetingly like lemony, just for that second
-lemony lulling violet to sleep with a variety of accordion songs, violetâs favorite is his rendition of what he says is âa song about spending a day on the beachâ but is actually why I cry by the magnetic fields (particularly danhanâs rendition of it with ben gibbard.)
-hey I never said they were successful at forgetting each other, especially when the kids were kids
-a truly harrowing number of childrenâs birthday parties
-kit snicket, who firmly kept her maiden name, going through what she called ��The Chillest Pregnancy In Existence, Look At Me, Iâm Completely Fucking Calmâ in the middle of labor
-klaus going through a period where he only read poetry, which caused bea and ramona and olivia to speak in rhyme for a week
-violet insisting she could fix the toaster and promptly not fixing the toaster because nothing was wrong with the toaster (it just wasnât plugged in.)
-beatrice appearing in a number of plays, klaus being enchanted when sheâs in les mis and reading the book but, in fact, only finding the outrageously long sewer chapter interesting
-violet trying to write a poem for lemony for fatherâs day and rhyming âorangeâ with âmortgageâ
that summer, they both wind up sending violet and klaus to the same summer camp excursion, because what sort of comedy would this be without the wildest coincidence ever, honestly
kit drops violet off at the camp a la martin â will lemony get on a plane?? that is a resounding No (also he would have just cried the whole time. the whole time. the. whole. time.)
however lemony is the one who does the âfruits, vegetablesâ thing, only before violet leaves, and he gives her a million hugs and honestly doesnât want her to go to camp oh my god, itâs only because violet tells him heâs sort of squishing her that he stops hugging her, lemony is???? like the most concerned parent of all time
kit, meanwhileâŚ.
kit: I was going to give you a new dart set but I was informed that they would not let you through customs.
violet: uncle dewey told you, didnât he.
kit: I married a real killjoy, violet.
I honestly cannot think of a scene for klaus to parallel hallie meeting glasses and tie dye girl while getting her duffel bag. I thought of putting the quagmires in this but I think thatâsâŚ...pushing the identical envelope a little here (wouldâve been worth it though for the brief note I used to have here that was just isadora shouting âHOW DID THEY TAKE SO LONG TO REALIZE THEY WERE RELATED THEY LOOK EXACTLY ALIKEâ)
iâm sure they hang out with like-minded people before running into each other, itâs a good camp and they literally never talk to those other characters again anyway, which is, a real shame
we can all at least rest assured that klaus gets to camp in once piece regardless and doesnât have a conversation about darts and airport customs, anyway beatrice, ramona, and olivia each smuggle a deck of cards into his suitcase as a surprise and he has three card decks and impresses all the other kids in his cabin with a giant architecturally sound house of cards made to resemble thoreauâs cabin at walden pond
hey annie and hallie are both allergic to strawberries and KLAUS AND VIOLET ARE ALLERGIC TO PEPPERMINTS
before they meet thereâs probably a moment like with marva sr and the strawberries (I just had a horrifying thought that JEROME is the camp counselor (esme is nowhere in this. olaf is nowhere in this.) and thatâsâŚâŚâŚâŚ..awful, but, as I was writing the following scene, you know who I wrote him more like?????? arthur fucking poe, what did I just fucking do, honestly poe is a WORSE choice butâŚ...well
mr. poe: we have peppermint brownies today!
[I just saw someone on the food network make peppermint cheesecake brownies and I want them so bad]
klaus: oh, iâm allergic
mr. poe: oh, well, please live
mr. poe: I cannot perform cpr
klaus: âŚâŚâŚâŚâŚâŚâŚâŚâŚâŚâŚâŚâŚâŚâŚâŚâŚâŚâŚâŚâŚâŚâŚ.shouldnât you maybe â
mr. poe: for your own personal safety and especially my own iâm going to have to ask you to step away from the brownies
[violet shows up on mr poeâs other side]
violet: oh! peppermint, iâm allergic
mr. poe: another â didnât I just see you? how did your hair get longer that fast? thatâs not an allergic reaction, is it?
violet: âŚâŚâŚâŚâŚâŚâŚâŚâŚâŚâŚâŚâŚâŚâŚâŚâŚâŚâŚâŚâŚâŚâŚ...i donât think thatâs â
mr. poe: iâm going to eat this entire brownie pan to save lives, but also because I want these brownies
he came out more like show!poe instead of book!poe but, I do not care, no one cares about mr. poe.
SO, violet and klaus eventually do meet and have practically zero immediate animosity, also through fencing!!! lemony and bea are both canonically badass fencers but I stand by what I said in fight me, that lemony is the better fencer, and violet wins. klaus concedes his loss to a talented fencer. they take off their masks and are like WHOA WE LOOK REASONABLY SIMILAR
violet: I donât know, I think your eyes might be little farther apart than mine.
klaus: oh, donât worry, iâll probably grow into them. it can take some time before people really grow into their faces.
however this does get them talking and they find out they have so much in common! theyâre like, âyou like books and only have one super weird parent??? what a coincidence!â
then they find out they both play cards. (this stays, cause poker games are gold and I am reasonably sure watching the parent trap so much as a kid was what instilled this love of âhilarious poker gamesâ in me because I used to jam them into my fanfics all the time.) (also explains why I only know two poker handsâŚ.)
they hold an (amicable!) poker game that night with all the campers, and they do like a round robin tournament sort of thing and swap tips all night until itâs just the two of them facing each other, and klaus wins. (lemony is Pretty Good at cards and definitely taught violet BUT youâre damn right bea taught her kid how to count cards. not that klaus wins through cheating, he also has a natural talent and beaâs impeccable poker face. klaus also hangs out with ramona, who has repeatedly kicked lemonyâs ass at cards as well.)
since they still have to wind up in the isolation cabin (because how else are they going to secretly plan swapping identities with NO GODDAMN COUNSELOR noticing???), CARMELITA is at camp and busts them for the poker game. she got eliminated pretty early in the game and camped out outside the cabin the rest of the kids were in waiting until someone won and then got mr. poe.
mr poe: gambling is not for children! unless of course you have a verified accountant or, perhaps, an established banker who wanted to embark on a personal journey and decided to run a camp for small children but has always wanted to go back and manage money again because, you know, even after the two scandals, I was good at â but we donât have time for this, violet, klaus, itâs very irresponsible to try and get adults going on a tangent to avoid your responsibilities.
violet and klaus: but we didnât â
mr poe: iâm afraid that I have no other choice but to send you to the isolation cabin.
carmelita: cakesniffers in the isolation cabin!!! CAKESNIFFERS IN THE ISOLATION CABIN!!!!
ohâŚâŚ..that was painful.
AT LEAST THE CABIN IS LIKE A NICE GOOD CABIN AND NOT the orphan shack, also like how far into the woods is the isolation cabin???? do the marvas really just leave kids out there?????? come on, marvasâŚ..
and so our heroes get stuck in a windy lil cabin out in the woods.
what do they do when they hang out there, since they have Zero Animosity???? talk about books. read books. klaus does sketches of various local leaves. violet rewires the lamps so they donât flicker and rigs up the windows so they donât bang open in the middle of the night. the only thing they argue about is how to make toast, which isnât even IN the cabin (unless violet makes something into a toaster), whatever
does klaus have a stuffed animal like cuppy???? damn straight he does. because why the hell not. (some boys play with dolls? SOME BOYS HAVE STUFFED ANIMALS)
iâm being really basic here but itâs a teddy bear BUT bea made lil wire glasses for it because klaus got glasses when he was real little so she thought heâd feel better if his favorite stuffed animal also had glasses (bea wears glasses but she HATES wearing them although I think after klaus gets glasses she tries to wear them more because bea is supportive as hell) (she needs new glasses though like theyâre still these big thick black frames from her goth phase and she hates them but she hates the idea of an eye doctor appointment more) (bold of me to assume bea has ever honestly stopped having a goth phase, thoughâŚ)
oh gosh what is the bearâs name
whatâs something like super nerdy but cute for a small book-loving child to have named a bear
oh no, he names it kenneth. bea reads baby klaus the wind in the willows and he names his bear kenneth and this is so cute. I canât fucking handle this, oh my god
honestly I am one of those people who thinks oreos w/ peanut butter would be pretty disgusting. (I mean, without the cream in the middle, sure, that probably tastes good, but like, with the cream and the peanut butter???? no) their snack of choice isâŚâŚâŚâŚ.hey isnât there a snack in penultimate peril at the picnic itâs mentioned they like
or is just because I have that particular book within three feet of me, iâm gonna check
okay, it does mention that klaus likes custard eclairs, violet makes a smoked fish sandwich and wants to try the chocolate spread. maybe they just like oreos, sans peanut butter. I like oreos. (also, you canât stash eclairs in a suitcase.
olivia, staring at a series of freshly-baked custard eclairs and a collection of tupperware containers: âŚ.do you think I made too much??
ramona: olivia, heâs â heâs just going to summer camp.)
ANYWAY, how do they realize theyâre siblings???? like???? how do
do they have half pictures in this??????? I think thatâs honestly going to be the easiest way
like, of course lemony and beatrice would have a wedding picture, and they are both absolutely extra and dramatic enough to have each otherâs half
it probably is still a âsitting at a table, staring lovingly at each otherâ sort of thing, lemony in a white suit and beatrice in a suitably extravagant but actually still somehow very low-key for her wedding dress (thereâs a lot of tulle though, likeâŚâŚâŚ..layers of tulleâŚâŚâŚâŚâŚâŚâŚâŚâŚ..), their color scheme flower-wise was red and white roses because like, what fucking else would they pick at that time (they are only JUST convinced by like, jacques, probably, to do red/white instead of red/black, beatrice personally wanted purple/black)
kit gave violet the picture of beatrice, because while she hasnât spoken to beatrice since her brotherâs divorce, she does think lemony and bea could stand to talk to each other
(although I headcanon kit as the kind of person to firmly forget about past romances and put them behind her THROUGH ANY MEANS NECESSARY this is not strict asoue canon, and she always liked beatrice, anyway. lemony and bea breaking up isnât like kit and olaf breaking up, which, iâm not even gonna try and touch in this)
klaus found the picture of lemony when he was reading through anna karenina (beatrice forgot she put it in there when she let klaus read it) and figured immediately that it had to be his father, and he kept it (maybe he showed it to ramona, who was like, âyep, that was your father. goodness, I forgot how awful his hair looked back then.â)
theyâre probably reading some book about geography (klaus is into geography at the time)
klaus: my mother says that for my birthday next year, sheâll take me on a trip to see the famous hinterlands sunset.
violet: my fatherâs shown me pictures, but he agrees that itâs a lot prettier in person, but heâs also not one for planes.
klaus: well, I donât believe hinterlands are technically confined to one geographical area, iâm sure thereâs more than just in california â here, iâm sure there must be more information in the index.
violet: whenâs your birthday, klaus?
klaus: january 8th.
violet: !!!! thatâs my birthday!
klaus: !!! that is an extraordinary coincidence.
I never said these kids were smart.
klaus: violet, whatâs your father like?
violet: heâs kind of quiet, but heâs very kind. oh, I have a picture of him â well, sort of â
she pulls out from one of her own books a picture of lemony, from behind, sitting at his desk at his typewriter, absolutely no recognizable features present whatsoever
violet: he didnât know aunt kit was taking the picture, otherwise he wouldâve turned around.
violet: actually, even then he probably wouldnât have? he insists heâs not very photogenic.
violet: what about your father?
klaus: iâve never met him. heâs â my mother doesnât talk about him much, but I got the impression that they divorced shortly after I was born.
violet: oh, gosh. iâm sorry, klaus.
violet: âŚ.sometimes I think I get that impression too, about my parents.
klaus: iâm sorry too, violet.
and if this were a snicket novel, insert soft, gentle explanation about divorce and commiseration and finding kindred spirits in your friends and how sometimes love does not work out and the affects we donât realize it has on the children who watch it happen or see the aftermath and are left with the gnawing wonder of what went wrong and how violet and klaus each wonder, a little, what the cause was, and it can be very lonely, at the end of the day, to know that even if you have one parent who loves you very much, there is someone out there who may not love you at all, and never got the chance to know you to love you, and an even deeper part of you that wonders â no matter how young you were â were you the cause of it?
violet: oh, but I â I have a picture of my mother, my aunt kit gave it to me â I have it in my suitcase
violet: /gets up to get the picture
klaus: I, I have a picture of my father, too, in fact I think itâs stuck in this book somewhere in the back, I didnât want to forget it
and
as violet goes to sit back down with the picture of her mother, the half-picture of beatrice from her wedding day, klaus pulls out from the index the half-picture of lemony from his wedding day
and they are
STUNNED
to realize
this is, of course, the exact same picture.
thereâs a lot of hugging and crying.
so they realize theyâre siblings!!! and then decide try to figure out what the hell even happened with their parents, because now that they know theyâre fucking related and still somehow wound up meeting each other they realize that there has to be some incredibly detailed story behind the reasoning for their parents splitting up and now they have not just proof but an actual opportunity to find out and maybe, just maybe, get their parents back together in the process!!! it worked once!!! it could work again, why not!!!!!
AND SO THEY DECIDE TO SWAP PLACES. (contrary to hallie having the idea, it occurs to them at the same time.)
meanwhile
for the past, say, YEAR, or so, bea has been seeing bertrand, a friend from her childhood (just narrowly managing to keep it from klaus BECAUSE it will involve A Conversation About Lemony and Commitment and Marriage and Things Not Working Out and Falling In Love With Someone Else and look bea is good at a lot of things but itâs a really heavy subject for her that even after eleven years she hasnât quite figured out how to parse, so sheâs really been putting off trying to explain all of that to klaus, in a case of her vastly underestimating her son [bea you see all the books he readsâŚâŚ.talk to your son]), and things are going well between them and they love each other a lot and!!! they decide to get married.
how do they meet up again??? bertrand winds up going to one of her plays completely on accident. heâs been on the other side of the country for years and years and he happens to go to napa and hears about this play happening and heâs like âwell that sounds really neat!â because bertrand had a short-lived theater career in high school and doesnât act all that much anymore but appreciates a good play! who doesnât appreciate a good play??
(bertrand played lieutenant frank cioffi in his senior year production of curtains to rave local newspaper reviews. bea, meanwhile, gave a stunning performance as carmen bernstein [esme wanted to be carmen so fucking bad and sheâs never forgotten that bea got the role instead, and that would not even factor into this au even if esme WAS in this au] [esme was, instead, jessica cranshaw (if it was a small school she maybe doubled as bambi), ramona was niki harris, olivia played johnny harmon, olaf wasâŚ...daryl gradyâŚâŚ..which pains me to write cause the guy I had a crush on in high school played daryl, josephine and ike played georgia hendricks and aaron fox, jacquelyn and gustav were head of stage crew, lemony supported them all from the audience â unless lemony was sasha????!!!!!!!! okay lemony was totally sasha.]) (wow I got unnecessarily invested in their high school drama club.) (IS THEODORA THE DRAMA ADVISOR?????? oh my god. oh my god sheâd be so bad at it but so good. iâm dying.
theodora: snicket you need to FLOURISH your baton with MUCH MORE GUSTO
lemony: I am going to flourish this baton right up your â
bertrand: HEâS DECIDED AGAINST IT THANK YOU MISS MARKSON)
(hey you ever write a parallel thatâs so good you hate it????? olivia is johnny. olaf is daryl.)
(I usually headcanon bertrand as two years older than bea and lemony but for the purposes of this au theyâre all the same age â however bertrand joined drama club first, and I picture lemony as more of a band kid than a drama kid, they probably just pull him in for curtains.
was lemony drum major???? I want to say âhell noâ but I also want to say âmost cryptic drum major ever, lead the most bizarre championship performance in the schoolâs history, somehow still wonâ) (I wonder what song it was to???? that right there is where my secondhand band knowledge conks out.) (but if I HAD to supply âbizarre, cryptic song for championshipsâ I would probably pick like, david lynchâs dark night of the soul or something, idk.) (but like, listen to it and just imagine it with marching band instrumentsâŚâŚâŚ.i kind of like it. iâm kind of digging it.)
ANYWAY BERTRAND LOVES SEEING PLAYS and he goes to see it and he has NO IDEA bea is even in it and heâs like SUPER THROWN to see her but also???? really excited! itâs been eleven years!!! he can talk to her!!!! he finds her after the play and bea immediately drops whatever she was holding and is just like???? absolutely breathless to see him again (itâs been ELEVEN YEARS, cats. oh god no itâs been more like FIFTEEN YEARS since bertrand has seen bea cause they havenât spoken since high school oh no that hurts even MORE). a giantass hug is involved. bea spins bertrand around. they make plans to see each other later. then they start hanging out, and they like, reconcile from their weird high school fallout and have a really neat relationship)
(so
the high school fallout
lemony and bea and bertrand were all delightful friends since they were kids (well, lemony and bea were, bertrand moved to town and joined their class when they were freshman in high school). they all had stupid crushes on each other, uggg. there was. an incident. at the end of their school escapades that resulted in a falling out with bertrand (maybe they had an idea of how they all felt and just couldnât or werenât ready to figure it out and it sort of. drove a wedge between them. not on purpose, it was just the way it happened to work out, with teenage emotions and refusing to talk about things and uncertainty. lemony+bea and bertrand went their separate ways after graduation, lemony and bea married right out of college, bertrand does his own thing, life goes on.) (maybe there was like some prom drama about who was gonna take who and who asked who first or something (at my junior prom, I was ready to kill the guy I asked who turned me down for that very reason). I mean thatâs legit???? prom drama is incredibly legit. why is there so much drama at prom??????)
(honestly after going back and writing the production of curtains and remembering the (specifically romance-related) drama I witnessed happening among the drama club at my high school (I wasnât in drama but I had a startling number of friends who were) iâm surprised they had the drama at prom and not in the middle of drama club, but iâm still going to stand by âprom drama.â)
(and I feel like it was prom drama of the type thatâs like, low-key there and A Thing people think about but no one talks about or addresses so the whole night is real awkward and you worry something is gonna break out at any second but nothing does but youâre still obsessively on your toes about it. like, that simultaneously high-strung just-there high school romance drama angst thatâs just this ever-present layer coloring everything that people say and do, hyped up specifically because itâs PROM. they probably all danced with each other and the dances were all cut short because of Feelings and Awkwardness and no one knew what to do, the whole damn night.)
and like, bertrand, going off to college and a little heartbroken but unwilling to try and do anything about it, is upset, but bertrand is also bertrand âsweetest man aliveâ baudelaire, and honestly he wants them to be happy (bertrand isâŚâŚ..very non-confrontationalâŚâŚâŚ.and it is honestly his downfall, he likes to have fun and be nice and kind, and to acknowledge scary things is to actually deal with them and that scares bertrand so much, he buries a lot of things â so do bea and lemony, and in fact all of vfd, but in very different ways. bertrand has achieved a sort of Chill⢠that bea and lemony just do not have) so he just goes on with his life, he does date other people but nothing ends in marriage, he becomes a librarian in maine and is actually only in california originally for a few months to help manage some of the collections at local libraries. then he runs into bea and he doesnât like INTEND for a romance to happen (and neither does bea, which I also firmly stand behind for their canon romance too), he still planned to leave at the end of the few months, but it happens and bertrand feels a lot more secure in himself and his feelings about people than he did in high school and they really do love each other, a lot
oh he went to college for library science!!!! obviously lemony majored in lit and bea majored in theater and music)
(OH NO WAS BERTRAND AT THE WEDDING?????? oh no bertrand was not at the wedding. I mean heâs certainly invited but bertrand âsweetest man aliveâ baudelaire is also bertrand âvaguely heartbroken, does not want to interfere, can actually honestly only take so muchâ baudelaire and he says that heâll be unable to make it. sigh. I want to say he sends a sweet wedding gift or even just flowers but man that makes me so sad to think about lemony and bea getting that on/around their wedding day and THEM being sad and iâm too sad now, bertrand does not send a gift. (heâs torn up about not sending a gift for some time. years later, walking through an antique shop, he is struck with the âYears Later But Still Feels Like It Just Happened And Oh Shit Why Did I Do Thatâ brand of Lingering Awful Anxiety⢠about all that.)
HE DOES NOT KNOW ABOUT THE DIVORCE until he meets up with bea and she tells him.
bertrand: so howâs lemony????
beatrice: ahahhahahhahahhahhahahhahhahhahhahhahahaaaa!!!!!!
beatrice: ahahaha
beatrice: ahaha.
beatrice: âŚâŚ.oh you genuinely do not know oh shit iâm sorry
(I wanted so badly to put in my âbertrand and olivia were good cute friends and actually are penpals and like lemony and ramonaâs ongoing card game they have an ongoing checkers gameâ headcanon but it just. wonât. fit. in. here. cause why wouldnât olivia have told him about the divorce???? I mean itâs beaâs thing to tell, NOT oliviaâs, but to occasionally write to bertrand for YEARS and never mention she and ramona live with bea?????? I think thatâs a little much.)
(does bertrand ever try and convince bea to reconcile with lemony???? I feel like at this point in his life he WOULD but bea would have very early on and very firmly vetoed that. and bertrand wouldnât necessarily be happy about it but respects her wishes. not because he wants bea all to himself. but because bertrand is also quite frankly still. a little nervous re: navigating relationships. like heâs for sure A LOT BETTER at it now but like!!!! especially with lemony like bertrand is TERRIFIED of seeing lemony again. he really is. I think he thinks lemony blames him for stuff even though lemony does not. and I donât want it to seem like bertrandâsâŚâŚâŚ.just sort of swooping in and taking bea and not letting her talk to lemony????? cause itâs not that, itâs not that at all
they do really love each other
and just because bertrandâs grown as a person doesnât mean heâs PERFECT
and bea certainly Does Not want to talk to lemony
itâs just, nick never mentions to meredith that hallieâs a twin and meredith HATES hallie and annie anyway, but bertrand does not hate kids and I just wonder, has bea told him about violet???????? like why wouldnât she????????
so I mean yeah they probably have talked about it, and probably still came to the same conclusion, bea Does Not want to talk to lemony either, just, not right now, and yeah bertrand isnât delighted about it but heâs like âalright, okay.â because he still understands her reasoning and for all his talk he really doesnât want to talk to lemony either
but itâs, I think itâs a thing, in the back of their minds, a worry that hits them sometimes, have they done something wrong, trying to forget)
(and this is why planning takes so much time because I always have so many stupid questions about characters)
(when bea and lemony were young and in college and extraordinarily drunk they would come up with new titles for bertrand, because they forgot they were trying not to talk about him
beatrice: bertrand âbest hair this side of the mississippiâ baudelaire
lemony: bertrand âsmooth handsâ baudelaire
beatrice: bertrand â
beatrice: wait do you mean like, his legit hands or like what he DOES with his hands
lemony, trying very hard not to think about Doing Things with Hands: âŚâŚ..both
lemony: I definitely mean both
beatrice: good, I agree
beatrice: bertrand âi WILL dance the charleston and no one will stop me and I do not careâ baudelaire
lemony: bertrand âsoftest reading voiceâ baudelaire
lemony: no no, wait, bertrand âBEST reading voiceâ baudelaire, remember when he read ee cummings
beatrice: bertrand âi read lord of the flies and cried at the endâ baudelaire
lemony: oh bea are you complimenting him or being mean
beatrice: lemony I read lord of the flies and threw it out the fucking window when that kid killed piggy
beatrice: that was a compliment)
(ee cummings is because I have a scene in another fic where bertrand reads âmaggie and milly and molly and mayâ to beatrice and lemony and goshâŚ..i hope I get to use it at some point, it was a beautiful scene)
(they probably stop talking about bertrand like, sophomore year of college, idk, it just gets too hard and they become really miserable drunk nineteen-year-olds about it, and thatâs not cool) (AT LEAST THEY HAVE THE WHEREWITHAL TO DO THAT)
ANYWAY, back to violet and klaus, who are still at camp and have decided to switch places!
ultimately, violet (like hallie) is supposed to find out how bea and lemony got together, and klaus (like annie) is supposed to find out why they broke up
violet cuts her hair (sheâs a little bummed because she likes her hair but at least it wonât get in her way when inventing) and pierces klausâs ears (klaus is so UP FOR THIS heâs very excited, also he keeps himself calm during it by telling violet the history of ear piercing) (these kids are either canonically very good at rationalizing or itâs just me radically projecting againâŚ..or both), klaus practices wandering around without glasses (he bumps into EVERYTHING), violet practices how to fucking wear glasses and not die (she falls over EVERYTHING), of course violet already has an appreciation for books but she has to get the definition thing down (and growing up with lemony âa phrase which here meansâ snicket left her with a pretty unorthodox idea of word meanings sometimes
klaus: so an optimist is someone who sees a positive side in any situation, like â
violet: say, if their arm was bit off by an alligator, a pessimist would say, âahh! my arm!â and an optimist would say, âwell, this isnât too bad, no one will wonder if iâm right or left handed now.â
klaus: âŚâŚâŚ.what sort of person is our father
violet: heâs very specific about words.)
klaus has to figure out?????? how to invent on the fly????? (heâs seen beatrice macgyver a million things together but heâs still not sure how she does it) and the two of them teach each other about their lives, beatrice and lemony, ramona and olivia and kit and dewey and bernadette
violet: bernadette is really delightful, but you need to watch out for her
klaus: well, she is six years old â
violet: no, I mean, she can appear at a momentâs notice, and I donât know who taught her how to pick locks, because I certainly didnât and father canât pick locks, but she can do it in under seven seconds.
(jacques taught her how to pick locks (he also taught violet). I donât know where vfd fits into all this or if it even does in this fanfic but like, just try and tell me these guys donât still act like absurd spies in any universe anyway.) (also I think lockpicking is, in general, a handy life skill, even if you arenât living the absurd spy life.)
klaus: mother is, um
klaus: a little embarrassing
violet: how so?
klaus: she once scaled a ten foot wall because I forgot my lunch.
(ramona: hey so why did becoming a parent rob you of your top-notch secrecy skills?
[not necessarily, though, I mean, she does a great job scaling the ten-foot wall in complete secrecy. bea just, has a lot of love for her son, and is VERY OBVIOUS ABOUT IT, is the thing]
beatrice: ramona have you SEEN my son
beatrice: I will take a BULLET for him
beatrice: preferably in a non-critical area so we can hang out afterwards.
beatrice: but if I have to embarrass the shit out of him to make sure he eats, I WILL)
violet: father is the same way, a little. he keeps crying on the first day of school and I donât have the heart to break it to him that I might be too old for that.
klaus: mother calls encouraging phrases from the car, which I think she does to prevent me from walking into school too fast.
violet: you know, they really sound like they were made for each other.
(lemony and bea, like, separately, are such legit disaster parents and I love them, they love their kids so damn much.)
the last day of camp comes, and it is time for them to officially swap places â violet goes to beatrice, klaus goes to lemony!
klaus recites book themes to himself the whole plane ride to england to keep himself calm because heâs trying not to think about how worried and excited he is!!! heâs going to meet his father for the first time!! truth be told, he knows pretty much nothing about lemony, even after talking to violet!!! ITâS A LOT FOR ANY KID TO TAKE IN, to suddenly think âyeah this was a good plan â oh fuckâ
anyway, he meets kit at the airport, because kit is there to pick up violet. (kit and violet do not have a secret handshake. they have, of course, dart-throwing contests. of course that doesnât make sense in an airport, but whatever. thatâs their thing.)
why does kit pick klaus up at the airport instead of lemony??? I mean kit is in martinâs role but sheâs NOT martin, you know, sheâs lemonyâs sister and definitely does not wait on him, but she does drop violet off at camp anyway, although in the movie thatâs to prevent elizabeth (and nick) from showing up until the kids switch for Maximum Emotional Impact, but like lemony is obviously not THAT fucking busy he canât pick up his own daughter
I had the thought that like kit is maybe his manager (on the side, otherwise she hasâŚ.god some other job)??? does that work for a writer???? iâm a writer and I donât even know. whatever. and kit maybe scheduled a reading that day by accident months in advance and couldnât change it, or it runs long, so she has to get violet (klaus) from the airport
(moxie is still his editor, only she lives way out of town and they send angry emails to each other all the time about his work)
also ties in with hallieâs scene where she looks at elizabethâs vanity and says sheâs super cool about the wedding dresses cause I love that scene a LOT and I want klaus to think his stupid dadâs cool!!!
kit: violet, I am all for the beginning of your teenage rebellion with this new hairstyle but I should inform you that your father may just die.
klaus: you think he wonât like it??
[read: YOU THINK HE WONâT LIKE ME]
kit: heâll probably come around to it. heâs still at his reading, do you want to surprise him?
klaus: !!!!!!
klaus: yes!
the reading is huge. I have no damn idea what lemony writes in this au, definitely not danhanâs stuff cause itâs not his vibe, but he still writes the picture books (although there are YEARS between them irl he wrote the composer is dead and the dark for bernadette before she became, in her words, Too Old For That Sort of Thing although she still secretly really likes them and reads the dark every night before she goes to bed. bernadette, in contrast to babybea, is fucking terrified of the dark but tries to like rationalize it out by thinking through the science of light or something, and then by just rereading the dark), oh he probably like, okay so he canât just write asoue but he probably writes some other great childrenâs book series with the same sort of writing style and moral discussion, and the picture books
and violet told klaus he wrote stuff and bea likeâŚ..knows he does and refuses to talk about it but reads ramonaâs copies in the middle of the night (and then has to stop doing that cause it bums her out too much), but klaus has no idea about it or how good it is and heâs so impressed, sitting at the back of this giant giant theater, and klaus loves books, he loves them with all his heart, and to sit there and see his father, for the first time in his whole life, doing something that klaus thinks is so incredibly cool
klaus: wow.
okay, so, the damn relief and happiness on lemonyâs face when he sees kit and klaus
has he been imagining terrible airplane accidents for the past week? weeks? MONTHS??? yes he has.
he sees them once he gets offstage and immediately runs at this child (or, at least, definitely fastwalks.) and sweeps klaus up into this giant giant hug
klaus is!!! overwhelmed by the amount of sheer unadulterated love in this hug oh no iâm crying
putting aside that heâs pretending to be violet, this is the first time he gets a hug from his father and even if lemony thinks heâs violet klaus is still the one getting the hug and itâs just, a lot, man, itâs a lot, that scene in the movie where elizabeth hugs hallie is exactly the vibe right here god itâs so fucking sweet
lemony: oh, goodness â what happened to your hair?
klaus: I â I cut it. do you â
lemony is in the process of remembering that scissors and haircuts exist, heâs a little blindsided here
lemony: no, no â haircuts are things that happen, at one time or another, to all of us.
lemony: iâm just so happy that youâre back.
he just. hugs klaus again. god I canât handle how much lemony loves his kids. klaus is really emotional and IâM really emotional I have to move on
on the ride home (kit is still driving)
lemony: so how was it at camp?
klaus: /frantically thinking of how heâs going to pull off something violet would say now that heâs HERE and has to act like her and decides to just be honest and hope it comes out okay
klaus: I had a lot of fun; the outdoors are incredibly pulchritudinous.
lemony: /thoroughly convinced that the outdoors has finally instilled violet with a greater poetic sense
I NEVER SAID THEIR PARENTS WERE SMART EITHER
do you know how wild the plot of this movie really is, when you get down to it, parents not recognizing their kids wtf have I done
violet can act pretty passably as klaus, but klaus, even employing beatriceâs acting techniques, just canât act. but the one who finds him out is bernadette, like half an hour after he gets home.
[you can tell what scenes originally started this outline because theyâre actually written like scenes, this was one of them]
[bernadette stares at klaus with wide, curious eyes over the top of her book. âyouâre not violet,â she says.
the bottom of klausâs stomach drops clear out. âwhat?â
âviolet doesnât squint when sheâs confused,â bernadette says. âshe frowns and puts her hair up. and itâs something sheâs used to doing, so even if her hair was cut, sheâd still reach for a ribbon, out of habit. youâre klaus. shouldnât you have glasses? mother says aunt beatrice wore glasses.â
âhow â how did you know about me?â
bernadette rolls her eyes. âi know everything,â she says loftily, for a six year old. âi can read, after all.â]
bernadette is the best kid. so I love babybea so much but babybea in canon is likeâŚ..still very on point but very quiet about it, because sheâs grown up with really so little interaction with people????? sheâs like a really subdued kid because sheâs had to be so independent and do so many things herself. and sheâs got her firm, almost unshakable optimism. so bernadette is still very quick and clever but a LOT more precocious about it and pretty boisterous for six years old and just. even more like kit than babybea is. her optimism is a little moreâŚ..sharp in this. I donât think she understands embarrassment, as a thing that people experience, because she sure doesnât. sheâs just like, âwell why donât you just try again??????â and itâs so great to see that inherent commitment to existence in a six year old
(an important sidenote from my bernadette headcanon list, though, is that she really does just read everything. she reads cereal boxes and magazines and reports and all the papers on lemonyâs desk and really just absolutely anything she can get her hands on, and sheâs easily bored so she goes looking for stuff sometimes and sheâs good at putting things together, so thatâs how she knows about klaus.)
[âiâm not gonna tell anybody,â she says. âi wanna see what happens. uncle lemonyâs kind of lonely, you know? and aunt beatrice â when they talk about her â always sounded really nice.â]
bernadette makes it her MISSION to help klaus act more like violet and cover for him as much as she can
bernadette: you need to walk different
bernadette: and hold yourself a little taller
bernadette: here, keep this wrench in your pocket, violet likes wrenches
bernadette: and this ribbon!!! she didnât give you any????
bernadette: oh, make sure you stare off into the distance while eating and think about machines or something
klaus: how do you notice all these things???
bernadette: ?????? doesnât everybody?????? sheâs your sister, you two didnât follow each other around to try and pin down how you act????
klaus: âŚ..do you do that, bernadette
bernadette: regularly. I can impersonate anyoneâs footsteps. except my motherâs, because I think she keeps wearing different shoes on purpose. iâll show you sometime.
so, armed with This Random Wrench and a lot of acting details that he canât process very well, klaus HANGS OUT WITH LEMONY
so klaus spends a lot of time in the library in lemonyâs house (which also doubles as lemonyâs office, itâs big enough that he and violet can take separate corners and know each otherâs there but not run into each other if they donât want to (especially good for klaus pretending to be violet because no one has to see him TOTALLY FAIL AT INVENTING)), and it has so many books and klaus is so thrilled
klaus has to try and bring up bea and find out how they met, only, DISCREETLY
[gosh this one is a lot harder without âso doesnât designing all those wedding dresses make you think about getting married again?â, especially because the truly spectacular âf wordâ line doesnât make sense with lemony but what can you do]
he probably goes up to lemony while lemonyâs at his desk because klaus figures, the easiest way could be to relate to something on the desk
AS purposeful narrative coincidence LUCK WOULD HAVE IT lemony is looking for something in his desk and you know lemony keeps the most inconsequential things and has accidentally dug out his plaque for âone semester of cheerleader participationâ
klaus, immediately thrown by this news: you were a cheerleader?
lemony: mm? oh, my, I forgot about that.
he smiles at the plaque and dusts it off and my heart is m e l t i n g
lemony: yes, in high school. I wasnât the only boy on the team, as a matter of fact. a â a friend of mine did it with me.
klaus: why were you on the cheerleading squad?
lemony, trapped in this conversation now: well â your mother was on the soccer team. I was not what you would call athletically inclined at the time, so I joined to support her.
klaus: !!!!!!!
klaus: my â my mother?
this was a fact he did not know about beatrice, as a matter of fact
lemony, realizing that children are going to be curious about their parents and, well, okay, itâs been eleven years, I probably wonât see beatrice again (ahahahahaha.), and my child deserves to know: yes. she was very good at soccer, among other talents, although she didnât last very long in her soccer career.
klaus: why not?
[if this man was PAYING ATTENTION he would have noticed for sure that klaus is much more straightforward than violet.]
lemony, remembering that time beatrice launched herself across the soccer field and accidentally tackled the assistant coach and dragged him through the mud: she and the coach disagreed on some of the physical aspects of the game.
klaus, dying to hear what lemony���s going to say: what was she like?
lemony, immediately remembering the details of their divorce but also a series of Shenanigans from their school days that he should never repeat to anyone, then resolving to be kind about it: very charming and resourceful.
lemony: she had a great deal of verve.
lemony: I see a lot of it in you.
klaus is touched, IâM touched, god fucking dammit
klaus resolves to leave it there and decides to dig around lemonyâs desk later for other things about bea and lemony when lemony isnât looking
which he promptly does, that night.
klaus sees his typewriter and pictures of kit and jacques and thereâs probably one of ramona (in a drawer) (sorry, ramona.) and in a secret compartment in the desk is a pic of bea (maybe one of bertrand too?) (definitely one of bertrand too) and some letters from bea (klaus recognizes her handwriting)
(watch it be something like, some stupid candygram she sent him for valentineâs day that says dear lemony, [the content of this candygram has been censored by the school administration] love bea!!!!!) (bea gets detention for a week for the content of the candygram.) (the second candygram gets through but itâs only because bea writes it so thoroughly in code that the school administration, at a passing glance, cannot see how raunchy it is. but also very heartfelt. it is genuinely heartfelt.) (so of course he has some from bertrand too. because bertrand sent everyone a candygram. theyâre all so friendly but so sweet and so cute and bertrandâs just breaking my heart in this whole fic I love him so much) (theyâre stuff like, iâm so happy weâre friends! happy valentineâs day! i made sure this candygram doesnât have anything that will conflict with your peanut allergy! like some fucking NERD and iâm SOBBING) (because you know bertrand was on student council and helped with the candygrams, bea and lemony were definitely not on student council)
(bea: what gets me is that they still sent it!! they censored my loving sonnet about your ass but they still sent it!!!!!!
bertrand: I guess nothing stops true love?
lemony: or, nothing stops beatrice mariner. [youâd have to kill me before I conceded to âbeatrice kornbluth.â anyway one of kornbluthâs pen names was mariner so thatâs my compromise.])
klaus thinks the candygrams are so fucking embarrassing and also had no idea his mother was capable of such language but then again, no, she is, but he also thinks theyâre charming and evidence that lemony still has feelings for beatrice, if he kept them!!
heâs, intrigued, a little concerned, but not very worried about this mysterious picture of a strange man and his own candygrams, although klaus concedes they too are very sweet.
MEANWHILE, back in california
bea is so so so so so excited to pick up klaus (not knowing itâs violet) from the airport, like she manages to sit still for most of the wait but in the last half hour she just sort of bounces around the airport and buys a series of irritating, tasteless teas (âfuck this tea is so bland yes iâm ordering another one, ramona, donât judge meâ) and reads the same newspaper over and over again and when the flight comes in sheâs ECSTATIC, MY GIRL IS BOUNCING ALL OVER THE PLACE
sheâs the kind of likeâŚâŚ...vaguely silly but a little (a lot) overprotective (?) parent
like beatrice is the one SHOUTING AT THE TOP OF HER LUNGS WHEN SHE SEES HER KID CAUSE SHEâS SO THRILLED, sheâs just very vocal about how much she lovesâŚ.
[I actually rewrote some of bea in this (or, changed the amount of capitals I had her using) because, like, bea is delightful and charming and very smooth but sheâs also got such passion for life, she loves to be delighted and she loves to laugh, and sheâs so smooth and sarcastic but like!!!! I love beatrice when sheâs having a good time, but I got worried that she was leaning too silly in this which. irritated me.
like, in canon I feel like she is incredibly mischievous but once she gets married and has kids, sheâs still very on point and loves her kids very openly but she becomes a lot more straight-laced because sheâs so intent to protect them, so much so that I think she loses a little of that mischievousness. but considering the fluctuating capacity of vfd vibes in this au, I think she is a little moreâŚâŚ.loose in this. the other thing about bea is that her veneer of perfection is her best acting job of all time, and divorcing lemony and being a single mother and raising klaus puts a big dent in that and makes her even more determined to try and wring as much joy out of life as she can without letting people know how much she has to deal with]
violet, upon getting off the plane and seeing beatrice: oh.
beatrice: look at youuuuuuuuuu LOOK AT YOU!!! youâve got everything??? all your limbs???? nothing broken????
she says all this while like running straight at violet and patting her down and then giving her the biggest hug of all time. violet is engulfed in this hug and!!! she thought her father gave tight hugs but this is something else
I think lemony puts a lot of warmth in his hugs but beatrice puts this endless amount of joy, along with love, into her hugs, and violetâs life up until this point has been very low-key and surrounded by adults who excel at deadpanning their dialogue so this is!!! very strange but very exciting!!! because violet herself also has this very bright enthusiasm that other people in her family donât have the same way she does so as much as itâs so different to meet beatrice itâs really cool!!!!!
[for the record, bertrandâs hugs exude safety]
re: pierced ears
beatrice: oh, ramona and olivia are gonna be real upset.
beatrice: they definitely wanted to be involved in your first rebellious teenager act.
beatrice: then again, so did I??
violet: doesnât that defeat the purpose of a rebellious act?
beatrice, going in for a side-hug: âŚ...i missed that snark so much
does beatrice have a dog???? sheâs really not a dog person. neither are ramona and olivia (dogs scare olivia. in fact, most things scare olivia. the toaster scares olivia. sheâs so nervous and I love her.) (itâs less of a josephine fear and more of a âplease leave me alone!!!â sort of startled fear, is how I see it)
if there is a pet, ramona and olivia have a cat that olivia named annabelle, and sheâs a sweet, all-white cat who loves cuddles. she does not even care that violet isnât klaus. sheâs just like, âthis person has arms!! this person can cuddle.â annabelle is the best, most chill cat. (although I headcanon that bea is allergic to cats â but that was just cause I was allergic to cats, and now that iâm not allergic to cats????? GUESS ITâS FREE REIN NOW) (anyway the cat is still ramona and oliviaâs.)
so bea has to introduce klaus (violet!) to bertrand, and, oh, bea
she really has been putting this conversation off for quite some time, and she decides to just, go for it, as sheâs driving violet home
beatrice: klaus, thereâs, thereâs someone iâd like you to meet
violet: who?
beatrice: an old friend of mine. weâve been talking recently, and he means a great deal to me, and if you donât like him, then thatâll be it, but â I really want him to be a part of our lives, klaus. I know itâs a big change, but Iâd like you to give him a chance.
violet is REALLY, REALLY THROWN HERE because she and klaus are supposed to get their parents back together!!! this isnât supposed to happen!!! this is supposed to be a happy ending without this NEW CHALLENGER (UNACCEPTED!!!!), how is she supposed to ask about lemony now???????
violet: oh, um
violet: well, I would like to meet him
she resolves to be HARD AND UNCOMPROMISING when she meets bertrand, but, well, then she meets bertrand fucking baudelaire. bertrand âsweetest man aliveâ baudelaire. bertrand âjust desperately wants to make a good impression on his fianceâs sonâ baudelaire. god I love him. what a guy.
especially because bertrand really does just want to make a good impression, and he knows klaus is into geography right now so he brings this absolutely impressive atlas as a gift
not as an attempt to bribe klaus into liking him, but to show that heâs supportive of his interests!!!!
bertrand, sweetest man alive, shaking violetâs hand: iâm so excited to finally meet you!!
violet, blindsided by the sweetest man alive: oh, thank â thank you. itâs very nice to meet you too.
bertrand: I heard you were into geography, so I brought this atlas for you! I hope itâs alright.
violet, holding the biggest, heaviest atlas sheâs ever seen in her life: oh. thatâs very kind of you.
they spend some time looking through it because it has so many cool details
he stays for a while and then bows out gracefully because he cares so much, hello iâm dying, and then beatrice asks violet what she thought
violet: I â
violet: I liked him a lot.
beatrice: are you sure? because I swear, itâs fine, klaus, if youâre uncomfortable, itâs absolutely okay, itâs â
violet: no no! itâs fine!
[read: ITâS NOT FINE]
violet: I have thisâŚ.atlas, now.
beatrice: you could kill a man with that.
violet: probably! I probably could.
beatrice: âŚ.so itâs okay?
violet: âŚ.itâs okay, mother.
[read: ITâS NOT OKAY BUT WHAT ELSE CAN SHE SAY HERE] [hey you know when you take out how much of an awful person meredith is you are left with a lot less humor in this situation.]
beatrice: I donât know what I did to deserve a child like you, klaus.
cue good, squishy hug.
[personally I cannot fathom marrying someone else and having twins and raising one of them and not trying to have a relationship with your other child because you didnât want to work things out with first spouse, but I never said I myself was smart either, in what I chose to write (I NEVER SAID I TOOK THE EASY WAY OUT)
anyway, I do think when bea says that, she thinks about it for a second
that (as far as she knows) this is klaus, sheâs known him his whole life, and she had so little time with violet and maybe she would be sweet and clever too and she doesnât know
she doesnât know!!!!!!!
and it tears her apart for a split second that she doesnât have everything and before she can let it eat her alive she shoves it down and forgets about it like she does with everything else and just, moves on] [time is a scary thing â if this much time has passed, what can you do? do they care? is it easier to do nothing or does that hurt more? does it even matter when both parents know their kids donât know about their sibling or their other parent (or as far as they know at this moment)??? does that possibly make it even a little easier????] [anyway.]
because of bertrand â or, not necessarily bertrand, but more, âwedding shenanigans,â but also, yeah, bertrand â violet also spends comparatively little time with beatrice
she wants to dislike him on principle, but canât because heâs just???? so nice!!!! he talks seriously to her about her parents and about her (well, klaus) and really wants to get to know her (well, klaus) violet is begrudgingly impressed. violet thinks klaus would be really impressed too. but sheâs real worried about what means for lemony and beatrice
especially since they did this not only to get their parents back together but to spend time with the opposite parent, like!!! violet has spent practically zero (0) time with bea to get to know her!!!!
so she holds off for a little bit and just genuinely hopes bertrand will somehow be less nice
this is hard, when bertrand helps bea make dinner ever night (klaus was VERY EXPLICIT that beatrice allows NO ONE in the kitchen when sheâs cooking so thereâs that) and he talks so damn OPENLY to violet about being a presence in her life
bertrand: klaus, I hope you donât think iâm intruding in your life.
violet: I understand where youâre coming from when you say that but remarriage is in fact a part of life that occurs with some frequency.
[not only death and taxes, but haircuts and remarriageâŚ.]
violet: mother said you were an old friend, though?
bertrand: yes, we went to school together.
violet: if you donât think itâs too rude of a question
violet: you strike me as the type of person who would have had a high school sweetheart and I am perhaps a little concerned that you didnât marry my mother earlier.
inside, violet is cringing but itâs a very klaus line.
bertrand: !
bertrand: oh, well, we didnât date each other in high school.
violet: ! you didnât?
bertrand: no, there was â
bertrand has been. avoiding these feelings for some time. but heâs so struck by them that he has NO poker face in this situation
bertrand: â it just didnât work out at the time, thatâs all.
but fuck violet is absolutely stunned by that look on his face
sheâs never seen someone look so heartbroken before and she is, concerned, but thatâs mostly ignored in favor of the sheer stress of the situation
and violet does actually get kind of angry!! about bertrand being such a good person!! she starts to get really frustrated!!! like I picture this happening over, maybe a week
she hates that she canât tie her hair back and her thoughts are all jumbled and that she has to wear glasses and she misses her dad and she loves beatrice a lot but NOTHING IS WORKING OUT LIKE SHE WANTED IT TO
and she has to wear klausâs glasses and keeps taking them off when sheâs sure no oneâs looking to rub her eyes man I want to give this kid a hug
but she also wants to make her mom happy!!! fuck this is a mess
violet: heâs been â a lot kinder than I thought he would be.
beatrice: yeah, he has that effect on people.
beatrice: when we were in high school, we called him âbertrand âsweetest man aliveâ baudelaire.â
beatrice is viscerally reminded of Being Drunk In College and tries to shrug it off
however, violet, growing up with two detail-oriented snickets, does not miss a single thing
violet: we?
beatrice: oh, you know â nicknames, nicknames stick, klaus, everybody calls everybody things!!
violet: it just sounded as if you wereâŚ.
violet: /casts around for the correct grammatical term, sheâs committed, but comes up with nothing because hell even I donât know, apologies to my grammar professor from college
violet: âŚ.using âweâ to mean just you and someone else and not necessarily lots of people.
beatrice is actually vaguely suspicious to hear Less Technical Grammar but chalks it up to the situation
beatrice: well, I mean, we had friends, of course â ramona and olivia!! thatâs!! thatâs who iâm talking about!! thatâs all!!
violet remembers that ramona gave klaus his half of the wedding picture, and klaus told her what ramona said, that ramona didnât like lemonyâs hair at the time, and violetâs done the math, she knows how old lemony and bea are and that she and klaus were born not long after they left college, and with this sudden but persistent reluctance to talk about An Additional Person from high school from both bea and bertrand, violet is terribly suspicious that there could, in fact, be much more to this than she initially thought
beatrice: donât forget, we start looking at hotels for wedding reception venues this week, okay?
violet: okay.
so, that night, violet, now alerted to the possibility that there could be a connection between bertrand and her father, and also DESPERATELY HOPING THERE IS ANYWAY BECAUSE THAT WOULD CAUSE HER SO MUCH LESS STRESS, goes digging
she grew up with bernadette for the past six years (and has also seen lemony create giant information webs to map out books), VIOLET KNOWS HOW TO GET INFORMATION AND PUT IT TOGETHER
she starts looking for yearbooks â they all went to the same school, for years, they have to be somewhere, but violet canât find anything in the library, or ramonaâs studio, or oliviaâs office, or beatriceâs hiding place (the kitchen), and then looks through their desks for papers or plaques or photographs or anything that could give her a hint (nope)
if there is one thing sheâs learned from bernadette, but also her father, itâs that the best place to hide something is usually in plain sight, which leads violet back to the library, pulling out boring-looking books to see if anything is stored behind them or in them (still nope)
this leads to violet CLIMBING THE BOOKCASES to reach the top shelf because adults are taller than her and put things on high shelves
and lo and behold, there it is, the senior year yearbook.
violet has a HEART-STOPPING MOMENT in the downward climb (which sheâs doing one-handed anyway) where she almost steps on annabelle who she hadnât realized was sleeping on a shelf and violet is TERRIFIED but annabelle, chillest cat in the worldâ˘, just yawns at her and picks a different shelf
annabelle is no sammy.
so, curled up in a library chair, violet finds not only pictures of beatrice and bertrand and lemony in the yearbook, but also a giant section of papers that fold out from the back cover where apparently lemony had more than the average length of a yearbook comment to say to her
violet, vaguely skimming this hardcore romantic comment, incredibly used to her fatherâs verbosity: yes that sounds about right.
and she finds a (significantly smaller but still lengthy and painfully heartfelt) signature from bertrand nearby, that definitely reads as a guy in love
but sheâs still not sure how they feel about each other now, like a few yearbook signatures are no indication of how a person feels over eleven years later, so sheâs still nervous about this and decides to sleep on it
this takes the whole night, violet is exhausted in the morning
now re: chessy unpacking hallieâs (annieâs) suitcase in the movie, itâs not that ramona did the same, but when doing the laundry earlier she did notice this weird amount of ribbons stuck in the lint filter/in pockets/pant legs/sleeves
and she barely even thinks anything of it at first and asks olivia and olivia has no clue and sheâs not asking beatrice because beatrice has so much on her mind and ramonaâs like ââŚ.hmmm,â and goes to talk to klaus (violet)
ramona: hey klaus, I keep finding ribbons everywhere and I just wondered â
violet, in the process of running her hand through her hair cause sheâs tired and processing a lot and misses being able to tie it: /JUMPS
violet: oh
violet: bookmarks, iâve been using them as bookmarks
[actually violet has a million ribbons because lemony never wanted her to be without one, and it was so natural for violet to bring them with her she just legit forgot she wasnât supposed to have them, like hallie with cuppy]
ramona, vaguely concerned: âŚ.yeah, your mother used to do that
ramona: anything wrong with your hair?
violet: oh, no, not at all!
ramona: everythingâŚ.going okay?
violet: yes, absolutely!
[the thing about violet acting as klaus though is that she can get like his speech patterns down but her own natural cheeriness still shows through in the places where klaus is in general quieter]
this is gonna get discussed right after this but ramona knows violet ties her hair up to focus because lemony told her in a letter, years ago
so ramona frowns and walks over to her and ties her bangs back with one of the ribbons, and violet just so visibly relaxes
ramona, incredibly emotional: oh
ramona: violet?
violet: âŚ.yes.
ramona: so I canât necessarily abide by breaking up a marriage but HECK YEAH iâm down for helping you reunite them. beatrice got me in the divorce and itâs very irritating just writing to lemony, which he actually hasnât done for a while, now that I think about it.
violet: why donât you just visit him? iâm sure heâd love to see you.
ramona: he makes me send the letters to a post office box. I do not know that manâs address.
violet: âŚâŚ...that sounds about right.
(bea still does not find out until the hotel shenanigans, though.)
(I love âbeatrice got me in the divorceâ like thatâs fucking hilarious, cause I picture ramona as lemony and beaâs best friend so when they arenât together itâs likeâŚ...well, what happens to ramona???? WHO DOES RAMONA HANG OUT WITH?? WHO GETS CUSTODY OF RAMONA)
(but also like, wtf lemony and ramona write to each other and bea never finds out???? I mean ramona was their best friend so like yes I think they do keep in contact but then does ramona never tell lemony about klaus????? and for them to write to each other and ramona to get these letters and BEA IS IN THE SAME HOUSE??????? I canât tell if this is just angsty or poor thinking through on my part
but like ramona has to know for the reveal scene here to work out right, otherwise sheâd never guess specifically violet
unless I rewrite the scene, but? nope. iâm committed to this ribbon reveal. I like it a lot. fuck it.
THIS WAS WHY I TOOK OUT BERTRAND AND OLIVIA AS CUTE PEN PALS auuuuuggggggg
I donât know I mean. it is weird and stretching this (already shenanigans-filled) fic a little but. I donât think itâs the WORST illogical thing I can stick in here. and they are friends, they can write to each other, just, yeah, probably not a lot and they actually probably donât talk about the kids a lot, cause then lemony would know about both kids and since r wouldnât tell bea she was writing to lemony bea wouldnât know anything at all about violet and THATâS whatâs not good (although r telling lemony about klaus is cute iâm gonna have to nix it here. no can do.), so yeah r probs never brings up klaus and lemony rarely brings up violet, he probably only mentions the ribbon thing back when she was really really young because of how much it reminded him of bea and lemony was One Sad Man in his twenties trying to cope with the emotional reality of raising a child that reminded him of his wife and needed to tell someone
that is a lot of weight on ramona though and she doesnât say anything but lemony apologizes for bringing it up in the next letter anyway and actually after that they probably talk a lot less cause itâs hard on both of them)
(writing is hard! writing is hard.)
ramona: so whatâs your plan now?
violet: first, I have to make a phone call.
VIOLET CALLS KLAUS, keeping in mind the concept of time zones a little bit better than hallie and annie
violet: so, it turns out that mother is engaged????
klaus: engaged????? to who?????
violet: this man named bertrand, and, honestly, klaus, heâs such a nice person, he brought me, well he brought you, an atlas â
klaus: oh. that is very nice.
violet: itâs the sort of atlas you could probably use to incapacitate a reasonably-sized adult.
klaus: wow.
violet: and mother said that apparently she knew him when she was younger, and they get along so well, but â
klaus, remembering the picture he found with the extra candygrams: wait
klaus: is he sort of tall, and thin, and blonde
klaus: and sort of, idly optimistic
violet: yes! although I would say moreâŚ.calmly steadfast
klaus: hmmm
klaus, trying to describe bertrandâs facial expression in this picture: disarmingly kind?
violet: humorously honest?
klaus: I think father has a picture of him in his desk!
violet: !!!!
[myth: confirmed!]
klaus: and some notes from high school from mother and him!
violet: !!! klaus, based on some other things iâve found, I think all of them might have had feelings for each other.
klaus: !! that makes a considerable amount of sense here. if they all still do, that could make this much easier.
violet: but we wonât know for sure unless â
bernadette: who are you two talking about???
klaus: BERNADETTE
violet: bernadette, are you on the extension again
bernadette: well why wouldnât I be?
bernadette: it sounds like you guys are talking about bertrand.
violet: how do you know who bertrand is?
bernadette: dad talks about him all the time???
bernadette: well, not when uncle lemonyâs around
bernadette: he sent dad that book of poetry that mom immediately burned
bernadette: the elephant guy?
violet: âŚâŚ.oh, now that you mention it! thatâs right!
klaus: wait why did your mother burn the book
violet: aunt kit has very little patience for certain poetry.
klaus: she doesnât like john godfrey saxe??
violet: itâs a big deal, itâs best not to get into it.
violet: look, I think what we need to do is get everyone together and sort this all out.
violet: weâre scouting hotels this week for the reception, you can come here and meet up with us at one of them!
MEANWHILE, kit finds bernadette on the extension, for an honestly longer than usual length of time (bernadette does eavesdrop regularly), and also klaus on the phone in general (and violet rarely uses the phone, like, as a phone. usually sheâs taking the phone apart), and really, nothing gets past kit fucking snicket. (you know kit denouement does have a great fucking ring to it, but as I said before, just try and tell me she didnât insist on keeping her maiden name when she got married.)
so she goes and finds klaus and hears the end of the above conversation and is like âoh shit, they totally switched on lemony and bea, what badass kidsâ
[what if she tries to corner bernadette first
kit: bernadette, I didnât know you knew anyone to call on the phone.
bernadette, without missing a fucking beat: I called the international operator to ask about time zones, but she caught me up in a conversation about soap operas and whether or not their use of sudden death is considered theatrically cathartic or not.
bernadette: I told her it happens way too often for it to be cathartic.
kit is too impressed to counter her. kit loves her daughter so fucking much.]
so then she sort of shows up in klausâs doorway when he goes to leave the room after the phone call, arms crossed over her chest
kit: is there something youâd like to talk about?
kit can be outrageously intimidating but kit is also, actually, a pretty good parent
kit, significantly more gently: just between you and me, klaus.
klaus: âŚ..maybe.
kit: come on, letâs go for a walk. you can tell me all about it.
klaus: itâs a long story.
kit: well, good, I like long stories.
klaus: are you going to tell father?
kit: donât you think you should tell him?
klaus: do you think heâll be upset?
kit: oh, not at all. more with himself than you, anyway. once, violet was responsible for wiping out the electricity of the whole city, and he gave her two slices of cake for dessert and said he shouldâve bought more books on electrical wiring.
lemony is appropriately concerned and horrified and thrilled to see his son, like, oh my god, but the moment is taken over by the urgency of the situation because klaus says he has something to tell all of them that cannot wait
[forgive me for not writing that one out.]
klaus: so it seems like mother is getting married
lemony: oh
lemony: well
lemony: like haircuts, marriage â marriage comes to all of us, at some point â
klaus: to bertrand?
kit, lemony, and dewey: /STUNNED, DEAD SILENCE
kit: oh my.
dewey: what are the odds?
lemony: I think I can die now. I believe iâm ready.
bernadette: why donât you just go see them and work this all out???
lemony: bernadette, I donât know if life works like that.
bernadette: uncle lemony, youâre going to ruin all my bright-eyed optimism.
dewey: sometimes I think I didnât have anything to do with you at all, bernadette. I think you just sprang, fully-formed, from your motherâs head.
kit: donât be vulgar, dewey. âŚ.thank you, though.
kit: but really I donât see any other way to sort this out than by going to see beatrice and bertrand.
[this was one of the very first conversations I wrote for this and I am still very attached to it, even though I find dewey so hard to write, I havenât yet figured out how I think he functions with these guys, especially kit, which I should maybe have done sooner but, what can you do.]
[also I feel like it just makes more sense in this for them to KNOW bea is engaged]
[Iâm putting this in here because honestlyâŚâŚâŚ.in the movie once elizabeth realizes the switch she does not spend nearly enough time hugging hallie constantly or getting to know her, I get that seeing your ex-husband for the first time in eleven years is A Lot but YOUR DAUGHTER WHO YOU HAVENâT SEEN IN ELEVEN YEARS AS WELL IS RIGHT FUCKING THERE] [also makes up for not writing klaus revealing himself as klaus, iâm so sorry.]
lemony: klaus?
klaus: ?
lemony: I â please donât think that I didnât love you. because I do, and I have thought about you every second of every day, I promise you. and there are many things that I should have done as your father, and many things that I cannot make up to you, but I want you to know that whatever happens with this, I have always loved you. and I am sorry.
so iâve always pictured that klaus (besides looking reasonably like bea anyway, in any universe) gets angry like she does, and bea gets that sort of like, quiet cool hatred that turns into full-blown shouting really quickly and she will pull no punches and just fucking give it to you!!!!! and klaus has some sort of version of that and like look I put a lot of thought into âadult problems fucking over small children as those adults fervently avoid those problemsâ when I wrote babybea so like
man, of course klaus can be angry at his parents for like???? never trying to work things out???? this is the first time in almost ten years heâs seen his father and his sister and he has an aunt and an uncle (and another uncle he hasnât even seen!) and a cousin he never knew about because of lemony and bea being stubborn and stupid and recklessly young!!!!! I think violet is honestly less mad about it (well, she gets a little mad about it later on, but like, being raised by lemony, she has this weird way of trying to rationalize things while feeling really guilty about it, but thatâs scenes away from right here â or she just? maybe internalizes it more.) but klaus is like, heâs not totally angry but like, as himself, face to face with lemony, lemony talking to him like a parent and about klaus and not about bea or violet or shenanigans or anything, like, yeah, heâs a little angry that itâs justâŚ.taken this long and that lemony and bea are so stupid
klaus is an angry crier. and an angry hugger. so thatâs what he does.
like itâs hard to suddenly have a relationship with a family member whose neverâŚ.been that to you before or made themselves available like that or just generally been there at all, and as much as I want them all having a good time, bea and lemony have some shit to work out with their kids
THEY HAVE A GOOD HUG, IS THE POINT
and I want to say that like they spend some time together after this andâŚâŚ.yeah they probs do itâs just gonna be weird re: the previous paragraph soâŚâŚ.maybe they just sit around and read and occasionally point things out to each other, that sounds chill and legit, doesnât ask a lot of either of them
SO, that brings us to, later that night, when lemony can Officially Panic
kit: so
kit: you seem a little tense, brother mine.
lemony: I am NOT going to break up a marriage between two loving people who care about each other and happen to have incredibly pleasant facial features and are two people I myself still care about a great deal despite not having seen either of them for a lengthy amount of time
lemony: weâre only going to switch the children back, and I will talk to beatrice, about something, and I donât have to say anything at all to bertrand, and thatâs going to be it. thatâs all. nothing beyond that.
kit: that would be a more powerful statement if you werenât packing every single fancy tie you own.
lemony: really.
lemony: weâre not going to think any more into this.
lemony: thatâs all weâre going to do.
lemony: which tie should I wear?
kit: well, definitely donât pick one of the ones youâre strangling in a death grip.
(hey, where is jacques in this??????????? wish I knew)
(heâs probably regularly out of town, maybe he happens to call home and bernadette is the one to pick up the phone and sheâs like âweâre going to see aunt beatrice, I think weâll be back in a week or something?â and then immediately hangs up because dewey calls her for something, and jacques is left, miles and miles away, standing in a phone booth and wondering if, perhaps, he should maybe visit his siblings more often so they donât go tearing off to california
jacques: kit what the hell is going on
kit: what, didnât bernadette tell you?
lemony: ask him what tie I should wear
kit: weâre embarking on the adventure of a lifetime, jacques, itâs your own fault that you decided to go out of town this weekend, I really donât know what to tell you
lemony: ask him what tie I should wear
kit: /sighs
kit: what tie should your brother wear
jacques: the one with the single blue stripe, it brings out his eyes, what are you two doing
kit: really, jacques, you need to pay more attention
kit: lemony, he says the one with the blue stripe
lemony: oh, good. tell him heâs a lifesaver.
kit: lemony says youâre a lifesaver, although I have yet to see real proof of this, however I will consider changing my mind if you happen to bring me a souvenir. please remember that I could use a new set of nice, engraved fountain pens. also our plane is leaving soon and we need to pack, so bye, loser
jacques: âŚâŚâŚâŚâŚâŚâŚ.
jacques: what did I do to deserve this)
(jacques, in any universe, is eternally pained by his siblings)
this being a rehearsal dinner brings it very close to, you know, an actual wedding date, and the thing is, I have planned a completely different wedding-related fic, weddings are EXPENSIVE AND, YOU KNOW, TIME-CONSUMING, PLANNED IN ADVANCE, ALL THAT SHIT
but the whole reason thereâs a wedding in the parent trap in general is because, if meredith and nick are just dating, thereâs no commitment, marriage means COMMITMENT and A TIME CONSTRAINT and meredith wants his fucking money
so yeah bea and bertrand ARE engaged and planning to get married and plans have happened but the idea of this being so close to the rehearsal dinner makes me sad about all those âyeah iâm gonna have to cancelâ phone calls someone is gonna have to make, which is, well, pretty silly, but still, I Hate feeling uncomfortable esp when reading things like that (or even just, thinking of them in advance)
and that is why they are scouting hotels for the reception. (donât ask me where the denouement is. I do not know.)
so bea + co get to the hotel first, and the only people who know lemony + co will be there are violet and ramona
ramona, hanging back to talk to violet while bea and bertrand and olivia (she has a good eye for decorating.) go ahead: do you know what youâre going to do?
violet: well, I thought maybe we would just
violet: all bump into each other?
violet: and go from there??
ramona thinks thatâs an exceptionally courageous take on this and that, yep that girl sure is beaâs daughter
[yeah bea still has NO IDEA ANY OF THIS IS HAPPENING ramona is A+ at keeping secrets
meanwhile, sometime later-
olivia: you didnât tell me?????
ramona: olivia, I love you dearly but you canât keep a secret to save your life
[oh, yikes, re: legit asoue canon]
olivia: âŚâŚ..okay, you have a point.]
it is at this moment that lemony + co arrive, and bertrand, who had backtracked for a moment because he realized he dropped a pen, immediately runs into dewey, who had stopped near the door to examine the hotel brochures and ambiance in more detail (you can take the boy out of the hotel but you canât take the hotel out of the boy)
[based on penultimate peril, I always thought bertrand and dewey were very good friends and had bonded over absurd poetry, and, of course, based on kit burning the poetry book, are still in contact â thereâs much less of a sense of forced distance between bertrand and dewey, because deweyâs just lemonyâs brother-in-law and bertrand was friends with dewey first so theyâre still good friends but like most adults they have a hard time committing to keeping in contact regularly especially with the distance and havenât physically seen each other for some time]
so they bump into each other â
bertrand: dewey!!
bertrand: itâs been ages, what are you doing here, how are you!!!
[dewey denouement, much in the way that olivia caliban canât keep a fucking secret, cannot fucking lie.]
dewey: oh, um
dewey: you know
dewey: hotel conference!!
dewey: kit wanted to travel!!!!
dewey: weâre traveling FOR a hotel conference!!!
dewey: WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THESE CURTAINS, BERTRAND
bertrand: âŚâŚ..dewey, youâve never been very good at lying.
dewey: no, no I really havenât.
dewey: forgive me for everything, bertrand.
bertrand: you might have to be a little more specific.
beatrice: bertrand, have you â dewey??
dewey: oh no
beatrice, remembering dewey and kit are married, suddenly battling sheer terror the likes of which she has never experienced: howâŚ.how are you
dewey: I could be better. I could definitely be better.
beatrice: is kit here?
bertrand: I believe theyâre here to look at the curtains.
dewey: weâre definitely here to look at curtains.
beatrice: âŚ.they donât have curtains in england
dewey, grasping at straws: notâŚ.like theseâŚ.?
MEANWHILE back at the ranch, lemony backtracks outside because he dropped a pen, narrowly missing three adults awkwardly talking about curtains
olivia: beatrice, weâll be late for the wine tasting if we donât go soon.
beatrice: oh â well, dewey, it wasâŚ.nice to see you
dewey: please, go enjoy your wine.
bertrand: /waves good-bye!!!!
klaus and bernadette, hiding behind a nearby ficus, because bernadette thinks fast and has her own specific idea about how this should go and it doesnât involve her relatives meeting again because of her father talking about curtains: wow.
violet: /narrowly avoids getting swept up into the wine tasting, darts for the elevator to try and locate klaus + co
MEANWHILE back at the ranch, upstairs, in their hotel room
lemony: why did I think I could do this
lemony: how do I approach a couple here to scout locations for a wedding reception?
kit: âŚ.you approach them
dewey: donât talk about curtains, maybe.
lemony: iâm not â dewey, what do curtains have to do with this?
dewey: trust me, just donât talk about them.
there is a knock at the door. lemony has seen death. this is it, for him.
anyway, itâs violet.
klaus: violet!
violet: klaus!
awkward sibling hug sincere sibling hug!!
violet: klaus, please take your glasses back.
klaus: oh, thank you. my spare pair just doesnât feel the same as these.
lemony: violet!
now, seeing the two of them together, he can absolutely tell the difference between them. ainât that just the way.
lemony hugs his daughter like sheâs going to disappear right out of his arms and then hugs klaus for good measure and he has to try and ignore the true roller coaster of emotions that puts him through and then tries to look very stern.
lemony: iâm not disappointed in the two of you but I cannot believe you switched on your mother and me. that was veryâŚ.
lemony is not good at being angry at his children, he has no real concept of it.
lemony: âŚ.clever. it was very clever.
violet and klaus are very proud but find it in themselves to try and look a little chagrined. they donât do it very well.
violet: father, you really need to talk to mother.
klaus: and bertrand.
lemony: both of you know about bertrand??
klaus: you and mother are very transparent about him.
MEANWHILE back at the ranch, at the wine tasting
ramona: what do you think?
beatrice and bertrand, equally lost in thought about the presence of dewey, the implied presence of kit, and the possibility of the presence of lemony: hm??
bertrand: oh, yes
beatrice: wine
beatrice: /downs entire glass
beatrice: /sets down glass
beatrice: not that one.
bertrand, who has been holding the same glass for the past twenty minutes and has no idea which wine that even was: definitely not.
MEANWHILE back. at. the. ranch.
lemonyâs children have such boundless courage (I have hurt myself so many times while writing this fanfic with the occasional too-on-point line and this in particular wounds me these kids are so strong and so important and wonât take no for an answer compared to their parents and get the chance to get their parents to FIX THINGS and oh no iâm gonna cry) and have dragged him downstairs to the lobby, with the INTENTION of having him run into bea and bertrand
lemony: this is not going to work out â
violet: nonsense!
klaus: itâs going to work perfectly.
meanwhile, bea and bertrand leave the wine tasting
bertrand: âŚ.did we come to a conclusion, about the wine?
beatrice: no, I donât think so.
bertrand stops by the bathroom to wash his hands for something to do as heâs consumed with thoughts (not about wine), beatrice is in a daze as she goes through the lobby, violet notices her but sees sheâs not with bertrand and decides she has to stall
violet, rushing over, purposely trying to block beatriceâs view with varying success: mother, how was the wine tasting?
beatrice: oh, it was â
did you remember violet gave klaus his glasses back?
beatrice: klaus, what happened to your â
and, well.
beatrice looks at her so hard and processes kit and dewey being here and then it fucking hits her like (forgive me. forgive me so hard.) a harpoon to the chest
beatrice: âŚ.violet?
violet: yes.
beatrice: but â how â
klaus, appearing next to her: itâs a truly fascinating chain of events weâd like to tell you, but â
hey! beatrice is stunned and horrified! and grabs her daughter into a hug, knowing now that itâs her daughter and has been this whole time and!!!! she feels so awful with herself for not noticing but is also trying to not make a big deal out of it and startle violet by sobbing uncontrollably on her shoulder but beatrice is simultaneously devastated and filled with so much love and sheâs for sure going to break apart now
beatrice: and klaus â
sheâs hugging them both now, itâs very good.
beatrice, in tears: you two are lucky youâre so cute
violet: mother, thereâs someone weâd very much like you to talk to.
beatrice knows somewhere in the back of her mind that itâs lemony but is also not even thinking of lemony because, her children
klaus: /tries to wave lemony over
lemony: /trying and failing to hide behind a ficus, have you seen a ficus, have you seen lemony
violet: /ALSO WAVING
beatrice canât miss that for the world.
beatrice, while turning around: what are you two â
imagine, if you will, lemony snicket trying to hide behind a potted ficus that hits about mid-chest.
also imagine, if you will, two people who divorced over eleven years ago, still have too many feelings about each other, split up their children for their stupidity, have been trying to avoid the knowledge that both of them are there for the past hour, and are now confronted with the reality of their lives right in front of them
âŚâŚ.besides the ficus.
lemony, stepping out from behind the ficus: hello, bea.
this is a headcanon iâve long held, since I first started writing asoue fanfic, but, bertrand and lemony say âbeaâ differently, especially in canon, like particularly in canon, so itâs like less so here but lemony still says her name with so much love, and bertrand says it with love too but lemony has known beatrice for so so long and here they are after years apart and here he is saying her name again, and he never ever ever expected to say it like that again, he never even DREAMED of saying it to her again, but itâs real
beatrice: lemony snicket.
violet: as nice as this is for us â
klaus: â weâre going to allow you three the time you need to discuss assorted events.
at this moment (of course), bertrand reemerges.
bertrand: bea, I â
he sees violet and klaus rushing off, looking delighted, and bea and lemony standing there still trying to process words, and then thereâs bertrand, frantically thinking âabort mission, ABORT MISSIONâ
because. the way they turn and look at him, in tandem, like they did all the time in high school, immediately makes bertrand feel like theyâre there, back in high school, back at prom, hereâs the two absolute loves of his life standing in front of him and bertrand is filled with delight but also fear because, here it is, they all have to deal with it now
(all of them are thinking that, the three of them, standing there, there is not a single trace of jealously but instead there is so much love and regret and itâs, heart-wrenching)
and here is where he loses all his Chillâ˘.
bertrand: you know what, iâm gonna â go â
bertrand: /trips over a chair
lemony: oh â
beatrice: bertrand!
bertrand: totally fine, still alive, iâm â they have such a nice gift shop, you know, iâm â iâll be there
bertrand: /high-tails it practically out of existence
beatrice and lemony: âŚ.
lemony: he â he still has a very nice running form.
beatrice: yeah, I think so.
lemony: well, bea
lemony: or does everyone call you beatrice now?
beatrice: no, no, bea â bea is fine. bertrand still calls me bea.
[beatrice starts to laugh. âitâs â man, itâs funny, isnât it?â
lemony smiles at her. âwhat is?â
âiâm going to marry your high school crush,â beatrice giggles, âwhoâs still â still in love with you.â she stops. âyou know, thatâs actually really not as funny as it sounded in my head,â she says, frowning.]
they have dinner!!! and talk. about. stuff. do violet and klaus recreate the night lemony and bea met or the wedding or something????? idk honestly. like at least they didnât get married UPON MEETING I MEAN LIKE COME ON (although somehow that is very them, but, come on, this backstory is good and solid and I love characters that grow)
maybe they just pool their allowances and give their parents a banging night out (which is pretty much just. dinner.)
beatrice: I see that cut on your forehead healed up nice
lemony: yes, anna karenina left very little lasting damage â
both: â except to anna karenina.
they pause, and then just, fucking burst out laughing, this is a horrible old joke for them that they made up when they were in school because anna karenina was the biggest book either of them owned (neither of them were particularly interested in war and peace) but was somehow sort of light and if you dropped it it really didnât do much damage, which they thought was funny re: the size of the book and the subject matter
beatrice throws it at lemony during the fight that ends with their divorce and itâs the first time it actually hurts something
lemony: so, how is bertrand
lemony: I donât think iâve seen him since â well, since before the twins were born.
beatrice: oh, heâs â heâs doing really, really well. heâs a librarian, and â we keep joking about how many more books klaus and I will be able to read. lemony, heâs got the magazine editions of hammett â
lemony: w h a t
lemony: does he even have the â
beatrice: yep. he has the unfinished story. iâve seen it.
lemony: I knew I liked that man for a reason
THERE IS SUCH A WEIGHTY PAUSE.
lemony: that is, hammett, obviously. I mean, the continental op is one of the quintessential fictional detectives, and hammettâs novels â
beatrice: you did like him, didnât you
beatrice: when we were in school, you looked at him the same way you looked at me.
lemony: oh, no
lemony: I looked at you with a rapt adoration and I looked at bertrand like he was a puzzle I couldnât solve. I have that on good authority from my sister.
beatrice: oh, right, right.
lemony: âŚ.but I did, didnât I. I did like him very much.
lemony: I donât think anyone disliked him.
beatrice: that wasnât quite what I asked, lemony.
lemony: âŚ.what do you want me to say, bea? that I saw him there, with you, and couldnât even find it in me to be jealous because the sight of you two together made me so unbelievably happy that I forgot how to breathe? that I â that I wondered, for a moment, if, twelve years later, we could â if I â
lemony: âŚ.i donât believe this conversation is supposed to be about bertrand.
beatrice: âŚâŚ.no, I â I suppose not.
lemony: that day, when you asked me to leave â
beatrice: you mean when I shouted at you to leave.
lemony: I was trying to be kind.
beatrice: lemony, I for sure shouted at you.
lemony: no, bea, I â I thought things would be better if I left. if you didnât have to put up with me, because you clearly didnât want to. and I didnât make it easy for you, back then. there were many things I overlooked about both of us, things I hid from both of us, things I should have talked about with you. and I didnât.
beatrice: âŚ.oh.
lemony: I thought that loving the person that I wanted you to be was enough for the person that I wanted to be. obviously, it wasnât, because you asked me to leave and I left. I never even looked back.
beatrice: âŚ.lemony, I donât think anything wouldâve been enough for either of us. I asked a lot of you, too. I didnât want you to see anything bad about me, and you didnât, but the longer we were like that, the more I just â the more I really hated you for it. you just saw what you wanted to. and, well, what I wanted you to. I think I kind of hated me, too.
beatrice: sometimes, I think, what wouldâve happened if weâd stayed together and I donât know if I like that either. not that it was â okay, what we did. because it wasnât. and we mightâve changed or we mightâve fucked up even worse, I donât know, and iâll never know.
beatrice: but lemony, seeing her now, I regret every single second I havenât spent with her because of it.
lemony: I know.
beatrice, whoâs a little angry cause she hates when lemony says that to her and her temper gets away from her: do you?
lemony, whoâs just regretting all his life choices and knows he fully deserves beatriceâs ire: âŚ.iâve missed so much of his life.
beatrice, voice breaking: âŚ.yeah.
man, these are some really miserable parents.
beatrice: we should â I donât know, you know, what weâre gonna do, with â us â but we should â they, they should see each other. we canât do that to them again.
lemony: I agree.
beatrice: you know, we have some pretty clever kids. I would never â okay, maybe, but I donât know â have had the balls to switch places with someone on the other side of the world.
lemony: we do, donât we?
lemony: I know we didnât do a great deal right, but, maybe we did, with them.
beatrice: âŚ.yeah, maybe we did.
beatrice: not every day two people have kids like ours.
lemony: âŚâŚ.can I be honest with you, bea?
beatrice: âŚokay.
lemony: iâm glad they switched places. iâm â iâm glad I got to see you. and bertrand. and you.
beatrice: iâm glad you came, lemony.
[all these conversations starring two people steadfastly trying to avoid that they are still in love with each other but also trying to really acknowledging they have Real Problems, brought to you by one (1) woman struggling to get two characters to talk about their problems but also the idea of introducing a third person into their already rocky relationship, donât mind me just casually dying over here, this was harder than I thought]
beatrice, feeling the weight of this conversation and knowing they done fucked up in the past but also desperately wishing she and lemony could go back to where they were before only better and just trying to figure out where theyâre gonna go from here, girlâs doing her best here, and you know what, so am i: so, um
beatrice: fuck, marry, kill
beatrice: continental op, nick charles, sam spade.
lemony, going through incredibly similar emotions: âŚ.
lemony: do you want me to give my virtue to one man and then marry another
beatrice: why do you always take this game so literally
beatrie: I am banging nick charles, but I am marrying the continental op for job stability, and I am killing sam spade where he stands
lemony: bea, no, you canât just kill sam spade like that
lemony: how about, I take the continental op to dinner, I have a pleasant night with nick charles â
beatrice: I like that weâd both fuck william powell.
lemony: weâve both seen william powell. no one wouldnât.
lemony: but sam spade, though, I donât think itâs so clear cut as all that â
theyâve really!! grown a lot!! theyâre really trying to talk this out!!! a little, at least!!! be adults!!!! talk like they didnât eleven years ago!!!!!! theyâre so stupid and theyâre trying so hard!!!! my kidsâŚâŚâŚâŚ.
this is definitely not the only conversation theyâre gonna have about this, like itâs Good that theyâve said this but thereâs. a lot more they need to talk about and will probably talk about, just not right now
anyway, LATER â
the continuing saga of two people Not Talking and then Talking About Certain Things and then Inadvertently Talking About The Things They Didnât Want To And Not Quite Realizing It
lemony: at the hotel
lemony: you, ah, said something about bertrand
beatrice: !!!!
beatrice: ooo, we are talking about him, hmm?
lemony: bea.
beatrice: fine, fine. yes, that heâs still in love with you.
lemony: is he really?
beatrice: I think he is.
beatrice: you still didnât really answer me before, when I asked if you still felt the same about him.
lemony: âŚ.does it matter, if youâre going to marry him?
beatrice: of course it matters! iâm not â iâm not marrying bertrand to, prove a point or anything, or â say I like him better than you, I â iâm marrying him because I, I love him, but I donât â thatâs not all there is to this.
beatrice: I mean, we didnât get divorced because of bertrand, that was all on us, but â seeing both of you, sometimes I feel like â maybe â we â maybe we couldâve made it work. not if we had bertrand, but with him. now.
beatrice: and, and thatâs a lot, to ask you â I know â itâs a lot to ask both of us, especially after everything, but â do you?
lemony: âŚ.bea.
beatrice: lemony.
lemony: âŚ.i feel that, in the interest of the past eleven years, we should perhaps talk to him before I make a concrete decision about that personal feeling.
beatrice: well, thatâs â thatâs a wise choice.
they are, quiet, for a while
itâs a lot to think about, you know?? thereâs a lot to this
lemony: âŚâŚ.but I think I do.
beatrice: you think you do?
lemony: I think I do.
beatrice: I think I do, too.
there is a little more silence because theyâre like â!!!!! well thatâs SOMETHING REALLY BIG TO THINK ABOUTâ especially because they havenât like totally committed back to a relationship with each other and there is!! still!!! so!! much!!!! but, theyâre thinking about it now, and theyâre, sort of floaty-happy because itâs like, wow, wow, this is a possibility, they can
maybe
push it, a little, and see what happens, maybe maybe
lemony: well, you should, you are marrying him.
beatrice: shhh, you are ruining the rhythm.
lemony: I think â
beatrice: you think?
lemony: itâs been known to happen.
beatrice: mmm, I donât think so
[itâs hard to tell because thereâs generally very little concept of outside action/feelings when getting down scenes this way but these few lines are supposed to be v cute and soft and just the tiniest bit flirty]
lemony: trust me, I have had many a thought.
beatrice: well, I think â
lemony: you think, now, do you
beatrice: I do indeed, lemony snicket.
[god. lemony wants to kiss her so fucking bad. beatrice wants to keep teasing him until he does kiss her. theyâre very close. he just. smooths her hair behind her ear and takes a step back.]
lemony: I think we should talk to bertrand.
beatrice: yeah. we should. we should probably do that.
MEANWHILE.
I want bertrand to bond with these kids with all my heart so thatâs what fucking happens while bea and lemony are dealing with their problems
they play a rousing game of scrabble. itâs usually a game I give the snicket siblings because of their vicious playing styles (which is just based on me and my brother playing scrabble) BUT I love scrabble a lot and I think itâs super cute if bertrand hangs out with violet and klaus and they play board games, itâs distressingly endearing to me, violet trying to sneak in names of inventors on the board and klaus being insistent on following the rules of the game and bertrand trying to come up with a sufficient compromise
bertrand: okay, so, last names are allowed, but only if you can also include the first initial, initialisms by themselves are not allowed, and foreign words and phrases are on a case-by-case basis, providing I can translate it and youâre not trying to put down something inappropriate.
klaus: what about scientific names?? can I put down binomial nomenclature
violet: hey how do you spell binomial
klaus: b-i-n-o-m-i-a-l
violet: oh, how neat.
violet: /puts it down on the scrabble board
klaus: âŚ.
violet: :)
bertrand: it looks like you can put down binomial nomenclature.
bertrand: but yes, I will allow actual nomenclature, klaus.
klaus is deathly quiet for the next few turns until he manages to put down nomenclature. (which I think is achievable, with enough luck.)
klaus: actual. nomenclature.
violet: so thatâs how itâs gonna be, huh
bertrand: okay, references to previous conversations are no longer allowed, letâs try this again
eventually they stop playing the damn game and come up with their own wildly specific set of rules for playing scrabble, and bea and lemony come back to a lot of paper and a lot of scrabble tiles and violet and klaus sitting on either side of bertrand on the couch, helping him write this rule list
and bea and lemony want to comment about how theyâre not even playing scrabble, but watching bertrand interact with their kids and be so soft and patient with them is the most distressingly heartwarming thing theyâve seen in a long time
they both have the immediate thought of âholy fuck I wanna kiss that man,â which is followed by âholy f u c k maybe a relationship between all of us could workâ
lemony: bertrand.
bertrand: ?
lemony: could we talk?
there is no camping trip! instead we got NEARBY HOTEL SHENANIGANS and THREE PEOPLE ON A DATE AT A LOCAL FAIR, TRYING TO FEEL THINGS OUT
imagine your average carnival-fair sort of thing with Rides and Games and Absurd Amounts of Cotton Candy and That Super Salty But Still Real Good Popcorn
bertrand and lemony arrive first and bea specifically gets there late so bertrand and lemony can actually talk, because honestly this is the only time I can see in all this that these two would be able to talk to each other uninterrupted
and they all know theyâre there for the weirdest date ever but bertrand still feels the need to clear the air
bertrand: lemony, I donât want you to think that I was waiting your marriage out or anything, I didnât even know you two werenât together until last year, and I didnât even intend to see bea, it just happened on accident â
lemony: bertrand, itâs fine.
lemony: beatrice and I arenât married anymore, you donât have to explain anything.
bertrand: âŚ.sometimes I feel like iâve wanted to explain everything to you, for the past fifteen years.
[bertrand âbreaking my fucking heart againâ baudelaireâŚâŚ.]
bertrand: thatâs â silly, isnât it.
lemony: no. I donât think so.
bertrand: I never got the chance to say it. well, actually I donât think I ever let myself say it, because I had plenty of chances! especially at prom, I couldâve changed everything! but you and bea were so â I wanted you two more than anything else in the whole entire world, but I didnât want to hurt you two or what we had. I think I did, though.
bertrand: and, and I really shouldnât blame myself or anyone for these stupid mistakes that happened when we were just kids, because we were just kids!
bertrand: I mean, weâre right here, right now, and iâm â iâm really looking forward to this, lemony.
[lemony, much like me, is momentarily dazzled by how fucking genuine bertrand is]
lemony: so am I.
lemony: âŚ.i kept those candygrams you sent me when we were all in high school because they were remarkably sweet and I treasure them dearly
bertrand: !!
lemony is so nervous and I love him and you know when you get nervous and you just sort of spill weird secrets to people, especially when itâs the person you like???? thatâs that
they look at each other for a moment and then start laughing and itâs the kind that starts kind of soft and then theyâre just rampantly giggling and being dorks and I love them both so damn much okay
and because they havenât regularly seen each other in you know fifteen years they spend some time. talking about their lives. thereâs a lot of things they donât know about each other!
lemony and bertrand like make a vague show of trying to win bea some prize and they suck and they stand to the side and talk while bea wins herself a prize and she runs back over to them and just looks so proud of herself, winning thisâŚâŚ.thing (itâs very much âi donât know if itâs a duck or a panda, but I want one.â)
lemony: is it aâŚâŚ.hmmm
bertrand: âŚ.those are cat ears, right
beatrice: what, no, theyâre wolf ears
lemony: it has webbed feet, though
bertrand: itâs a platypus! oh, no, not with all those feathers.
lemony: it could easily be a duck, I suppose
beatrice: BUT THE EARS
bertrand: a penguin!
lemony: a grackle
bertrand: a goose!
beatrice: THE E A R S
lemony and bertrand share an obnoxious amount of cotton candy, and honestly itâs the date they all shouldâve had in high school, a date that wouldâve changed everything, and man, theyâre having so much fun and maybe they could do this, lemony has never been so happy and bertrand is just this ball of delight and, itâs really beautiful, and beatrice is for sure thinking that and sheâs having such a good time and sheâs so happy
but then
she thinks, what if it DIDNâT change everything, what if they all got together in high school and tried to make it work and really fucked each other over, would they have been able to do it?? what really wouldâve happened??? and theyâre adults now, theyâre better people but they have so much more to think about, there is so much more at stake now and beatrice is fucking terrified about what could happen, all of a sudden
and sheâs been terrified for years about all the terrible things that could happen to klaus or her or ramona and olivia and even their stupid cat and sheâs still trying to hide it so well and she does, sheâs happy and creates such a good life for her son but she is so scared and she canât keep running from it anymore by being impulsive or silly or shouting all the time, she has to face the reality of the situation that she really has to think this one through, what all three of them are going to do about this
she and lemony still have so many problems, and they both know that, they all know that!!! they arenât going to solve them right away!!! and with bertrand there, maybe itâll be harder!! maybe it wonât be easier!!! not that bertrand immediately makes things easier, in any universe!!! but especially here!!! you know!!! what if they donât talk about anything because heâs there??? what if they avoid talking about everything so much in trying to be happy that they irreparably fuck them all over??? itâs been so long since all three of them were together, what if they canât do this!! what if their kids donât like them together, what if none of them can get along??? suddenly there are a lot more variables to this, and seeing it happen, bea is struck by everything theyâre going to have to fix and all the ways it could go wrong and itâs not good
beatrice: âŚ..what are we doing?
beatrice: and â and what if it doesnât work out, this time?? what if we all try this and we canât do it??
bertrand: do you think that little of yourself?
beatrice: no.
beatrice: iâm thinking about, what if I break my kidâs hearts, even worse than I already have? I canât do that, not to them.
and, they get it. they love each other so much but this story isnât about just the three of them anymore.
bertrand and bea decide not to get married. and even though they all know they still love each other, lemony and bea have violet and klaus to think of, so they all decide it would be for the best to go their separate ways.
violet and klaus are not happy, by any means. they are not happy to pack up all their stuff and know that nothing is going to work out, and it hurts, a lot, man
klaus, picking up his books: I really respect our parents and their chosen additional life partner but donât you think they can be a littleâŚ..
violet, jamming her toolkit into a suitcase: stupid?
klaus: I was going to say stubborn
klaus: but stupid works too.
so they all say good-bye :( lemony, violet, kit and dewey and bernadette go home. (bernadetteâs real upset no one got back together. she hides it well but she just sort of crams herself into her seat on the plane on the trip home and is just super bummed. I love this lil kid.) (I fondly remember when this outline was nowhere near over 20k and was just a short little thing and bernadetteâs scenes just monopolized itâŚ.)
the thing I love about bea raising klaus is that, and I also feel this for canon too, klaus gets so so much of beaâs anger and short temper
like violet is a lot more calmer in the take no shit category but klaus will, like his mother, flip a table
klaus: mother, that was the most foolish thing youâve ever done and you know it
beatrice: !
beatrice: donât you â donât you use that tone with me, klaus
beatrice: I am your mother
klaus: and youâre just going to let my father and my sister walk away from us???
beatrice: I â itâs more complicated than that!
klaus: how??
beatrice: klaus, would you want me to risk this, everything we have, on the off chance that your father and I could maybe sort out our differences?
klaus: you didnât seem to have that many differences!
beatrice: thereâs a lot of things you donât know, klaus!
klaus: then tell me! youâre the one whoâs always telling me I can do anything, and I just think it seems pretty rich of you to decide that that doesnât apply to you, or that I donât get to know everything about the people who are supposed to be my family!
klaus has a point, here, and beatrice realizes that, so she decides IN THAT INSTANT that, okay. fine. itâs time to do something about this and she can do something about this.
SO SHE GOES TO BERTRAND
bertrand: bea, what â
beatrice: I canât â look, I canât do this to my kids either, okay, I canât keep them apart anymore, what â why did I think that was such a good idea in the first place??? so I wouldnât see lemony?? so I wouldnât work things out between us, because we were fucking kids when we were together and, and I sacrificed my relationship with my daughter because I was so petty and selfish, and iâm doing it again, bertrand!! iâm letting myself do it again after everything we all talked about because iâm so fucking scared but I â I canât do this to myself, you know? I want â I want things to work out this time. with all of us. I want to make it work and iâm going to make it work and iâm going to go get my daughter and lemony, and I want you to come with us, if you want to come with us.
klaus, leaning out of the car window and shouting at beatrice and bertrand, who are standing on the steps of bertrandâs place: if I may interject, the plane we intend to catch does leave in half an hour, so you two should maybe hurry up a little
klaus: not to ruin your moment or anything!
bertrand, desperately: I want things to work out, bea, I do. but what if you were right and we canât â
beatrice: iâm right about a lot of things, bertrand baudelaire, and iâm right about this.
bertrand, nodding and trying not to smile too much: âŚ.okay. okay.
MEANWHILE
violet: âŚ.are you mad at me?
lemony: what â violet, I could never be mad at you.
violet: but I â I went behind your back, and I tricked both of you, and I wasnât even thinking about what you wanted, it â it was just what I wanted, and that wasnât okay, I shouldnât have interfered with you and mother at all, I feel so awful â
lemony: none of what happened was your fault, violet. not at all. it was mine. iâm sorry that I kept so much from you. it was incredibly unfair to you, and to klaus. I should have told you a long time ago.
violet: I never got to ask before, but why did you and mother get divorced?
lemony: âŚ.we were very young, and very impulsive. and, also, incredibly scared. thatâs not a good combination when youâre trying to make a life with someone.
violet: you two seemed to get along a little better, now.
lemony: well, eleven years is a lot of time. you get older, and you realize the mistakes you made in your youth couldâve been dealt with a lot more easily than you previously thought. you realize you wereâŚ.
violet: stubborn?
lemony: stupid.
violet: what made it not work out, this time?
lemony: you also realize there are more important things to think about than yourself and what you want.
violet: !
violet: father, I didnât want you to â
lemony: it wasnât your call to make, violet.
violet: but it was yours about whether or not I get to see my brother? you were only thinking about what you wanted, too!
lemony: âŚ.
violet: âŚ.that was rude of me, iâm sorry.
lemony: no â donât apologize, violet. please.
violet, still very angry but also just sad and concerned about how lemony has, in the intervening time between these two conversations, said very little: I thought bertrand was nice.
lemony: bertrand â bertrand is very nice.
so they get back home.
lemony: what would you like for dinner?
violet: I donât think iâm all that hungry, father.
lemony: no, neither am I.
and lemony just sort of, wanders into the library with his hands in his pockets, because heâs somehow more miserable than heâs been in quite some time, and heâs expecting to just sit around and stare at his typewriter and not get anything done for the rest of the night or really for the foreseeable future, and the library is filled with so many books and so much stuff but it feels so empty to him now, and lemony himself feels empty and horrible about everything and he just stares at the floor without really seeing anything at all
AND THEN
klaus, sitting in one of the library chairs: father, did you know that the concorde gets you here in half the time?
[I just kept the line. I thought long and hard and could not for the life of me think of any other jazzy lil line.] [although yes sadly the concorde no longer exists]
[hey, if lemony and violet are here, and kit and dewey and bernadette were with them on the plane, whoâs driving the bus who let bea and bertrand in the house???? cause in the movie itâs gotta be the grandfather
jacques, who had stopped at lemonyâs house hoping that he could catch them before the flight but obviously not catching them, who stayed to water the plants: /exiting the house
beatrice, careening out of a taxi: JACQUES HOLD THE DOOR
jacques: !!!! beatrice?? what are you â
bertrand: weâll have to tell you later, thereâs no time!
jacques: bertrand????
klaus really only has time to wave.
all three of them: /BOLT PAST JACQUES INTO THE HOUSE AND SLAM THE DOOR SHUT, leaving jacques out there in the street
jacques: âŚâŚâŚ.]
anyway
lemony, STUNNED: klaus?
violet, dashing into the room because she heard her brother: klaus!
klaus: ideally we wouldâve figured this out before you left, but when you did, we were not completely happy about it.
lemony, still trying to collect himself: you â
and thereâs bea and bertrand, standing there, real as anything! really there!! in his library!!
and lemony walks towards them, because this isnât a matter of, chasing anyone, itâs all of them coming together like this
beatrice: this is gonna work. the three of us, this is gonna work.
beatrice: what do you think?
and the thing. about lemony. is that what he wants more than anything else in this whole fucking world. is a family. particularly in canon, being separated from (reasonably dead) parents and growing apart from his siblings and losing those connections to people, he so desperately wants something thatâs his and his own and that he can keep stable by himself
and I think he still feels that way even in whatever fucking world of an au this is, and of course he wants to be with bea and bertrand and to have klaus and violet because he loves them but he is also massively craving that stability of having his own family and like really having it this time, not fucking it up because heâs young and stupid and just as impulsive as bea
THE POINT IS THIS IS A LOT FOR HIM, OKAY, THIS MEANS SO MUCH, to get this!! second chance at all the things he totally fucked up before, PLUS the loves of his life!!!!
and like!!! thereâs bertrand. thereâs bertrand!!! standing there and reaching out to take lemonyâs hand and lemony takes beaâs and bea takes bertrandâs other one and. the road they had to take to get here wasnât. the best. all the time. they all made mistakes. some. worse than others. and this isnât the end, right here, thereâs still gonna be things they have to work out. and itâs gonna be okay because thereâs beatrice and bertrand and lemony. theyâre in the same room and no oneâs scared.
lemony: yes.
beatrice: yes???
bertrand: yes?
lemony: yes.
thereâs a lot of good hugging, people are kissed, comments are made about chapstick flavors, lots of laughter, violet and klaus are tearing up and thrilled beyond belief, everything is beautiful!!!!!
klaus: I canât believe â
violet: â we actually did it!
and, of course, beatrice was right. about everything.
the following amount of time is filled with â
-lots of arguments.
-mostly between bea and lemony.
-although bertrand has his fair share of arguments with both of them.
-violet and klaus donât speak to each other for two weeks under the pretense of disagreeing about a bookâs theme but really because theyâre not sure how to act around each other now that theyâre both there, theyâve lived their whole lives as only children and this is what they wanted but itâs also something they didnât think about having to adjust to
-thereâs also this immediate reluctance to listen to anything bea and lemony tell them because they have to get used to parents now, too
-parents who arenât currently super functioning as parents
-thereâs a lot of second-guessing peopleâs intentions
-why did you say that?? the hell does that eyebrow mean???? you picked that song for a REASON and fuck you for that!!!! you donât trust me to drive, do you???? I KNOW HOW TO MAKE A SANDWICH FOR MY CHILD THANK YOU VERY MUCH
-that sort of thing.
-in varying shades of seriousness.
-i know it sounds mostly like just bea screaming there but trust me the sentiment is shared by all of them in various ways and actions
-they donât do it in front of violet and klaus though
-NO ONE KNOWS WHERE THEYâRE SUPPOSED TO LIVE NOW, do they stay in england or all go to california??? do they go somewhere else???????? what even (I donât even know)
-(they probably do stay in england though. thatâs what I was picturing while writing this.)
-violet and klaus do adjust to no longer being only children and realizing they have someone their age to rely on now who understands them
-they make blanket forts where violet designs these stands that will hold books up and periodically turn the page so they can lay on their backs and read and not worry about moving
-klaus reads up on inventors so he and violet can talk about them
-they argue with bea and lemony a little about weird things because violet and klaus are trying to figure out where they are with their parents now and how theyâre supposed to act and bea and lemony are trying to figure out how to coordinate parenting while wanting to kill each other
-they institute family game night and try to best each other in cards or scrabble because they can handle that
-bertrand, of course, is in a very awkward position at this time
-like heâs around but he canât take sides because thatâs Weird and heâs not that kind of person anyway, and he wants to be there but he doesnât quite know as what
-like, he was gonna marry bea!! and now heâs not. and he loves lemony!!! but he canât do anything about it because bea and lemony have problems to work out!!! and bertrand loves both of them!! and they love him!!! they know they do!! he knows they do!!!!! but everything is very uncomfortable!!!
-like, bertrand needs to be on equal footing in this relationship too!
-he hangs out with dewey a lot and they become Poetry Buds again
-he participates in family game night
-bea and lemony are worried that bertrand is only going to see himself as like a peacemaker between them when he isnât because he never has been and realizing that bertrand is a huge official permanent part of their lives now is a big thing for them
-hi, my nameâs lulu and writing the navigation of relationships is hard!!!! itâs so fucking hard
-the three of them watch movies wednesday nights â bertrand picks the movies and he picks these really sweet romantic ones (cause thatâs just the kind of movies he likes!!!) and itâs unbearably great
-they mean to watch the thin man movies (the ones with nick charles aka william powell aka the guy lemony and bea would both fuck if they had had the opportunity) over a series of weeks but wind up marathoning all six of them one night (and it takes all night)
-none of them can function the next day
-bertrand: I get it. iâd do it with nick charles, too.
-beatrice sings herself hoarse during a play rehearsal and canât talk for a week
-she canât sleep one night and lemony finds her in the kitchen and makes them both tea and they salute each other with the mugs
-bertrand takes up writing limericks and leaves them around the house and lemony finds one in the shower and slips from laughing so hard
-bertrand, in the hospital: I couldâve killed you with poetry
lemony: I mean, all things considered, itâs not the worst way to go. itâs better than next to a pile of books I was meaning to read, which I always thought to be much more likely. slipping in the shower because of a charming limerick about shoes? itâs not all that bad.
bertrand: I donât know whether to take the compliment or be worried about how youâve considered how youâre likely to die. please donât die.
-beatrice shows up at the hospital and throws the stuffed animal from carnival night at lemony
lemony: oh, you didnât have to give me yourâŚ.ahâŚ.
bertrand: âŚ.moose? have we guessed moose?
beatrice: the earsâŚâŚâŚ.
-things get, better
-they take turns picking up the kids from school
-some kid: gee violet how come your mom lets you have two dads
violet: just lucky, I guess
-lemony helps beatrice rehearse her lines and they straight-up make out for an hour instead
-lemony and bertrand make dessert once a week and routinely end up covered in flour
-there is a household debate on âwhat species is the stuffed animalâ and âwhat are we going to name it,â moderated by kit
-violet puts on a one-woman play that she and klaus wrote about hedy lamarr for her schoolâs talent show and receives a standing ovation
-lemony and bea and bertrand are in the front row and beatrice is full-on sobbing during the standing ovation
-they get bertrand a new record player for his birthday and all three of them dance to his records the whole night
-yes they ARE all falling in love with each other all over again it is very important to me that theyâre all on the same page when they do that
-violet and klaus make bertrand a âbest additional parentâ mug because they donât quite know what to call him (they havenât figured it out yet), like violet makes him a fucking mug in her glassblowing class (you ever seen someone glassblow a mug??? itâs great.) and klaus does this beautiful calligraphy label for it
-bertrand cries immediately, for the next hour of his life, and just carries it around because he doesnât know where to put it
-beatrice: aww, that was so sweet of you two, to make â does that say âadditional parentâ
lemony: I believe it says âadditional parent.â
violet: we did also consider âgreatest poetâ but that had less of the feeling we wanted.
klaus: we do realize that âbestâ is truly an unquantifiable concept, because thereâs no one out there ranking parents, but we thought it was the most fitting.
itâs after that that they all decide to get married.
later on, sunny is born!! and sheâs very upset she missed out on all these shenanigans.
[jacques comes back to find so many people in his brotherâs house.
kit: well jacques, you really should be home more
lemony: yes, find a nice person
lemony: âŚ...or two
kit: settle down, stop looking so surprised.
lemony: kit your daughter just leapt off the bookshelf and tackled my husband
kit: and am I surprised? no.]
[also jacques does not buy his sister a nice new set of engraved fountain pens.
kit: so did you get me a souvenir or not, jacques
jacques: souvenir? I thought you said
kit: JACQUES WE ARE ADULTS DONâT YOU DARE BEETHOVEN ME
jacques: edward lear
jacques: hereâs this book of delightful nonsense poetry.
kit: how could you]
[while bea is pregnant with sunny â
bertrand: what about sunny?
lemony: bertrand baudelaire.
lemony: you come into my house.
lemony: you marry my wife.
beatrice, across the room: I married both of you???
lemony: and you have the audacity.
lemony: to suggest we name our daughter after our high school drama teacher.
bertrand: okay but your reaction isnât necessarily a no]
#i actually did NOT fix the double spacing on this -- i thought it actually looked very nice double spaced on the blog page????#especially with how long it is#asoue#a series of unfortunate events
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Who Are You Again? / 2019! Richie Tozier Imagine
Request: could you maybe do an IT 2019!Richie imagine set during the reunion like your others where the reader and Richie were together as teens and reader stayed in Derry like Mike so when the losers come back reader is really happy to see Richie and tries talking to him a bunch ect and Richieâs being nice because he DOES know reader but doesnât remember everything until it all comes back to him, or something?? idk, iâm bad at asksđÂ
and: @barnesbabes hey lovey! how have you been? could I request something 2019!richie tozier fluff with a male reader? I have a more specific request but I think Iâll leave that for another day :)Â
This is such a dream, thank you lovelies! <3
Starting to step into the restaurant, your heart beats painfully hard in your chest, glad to be stepping out from the inky darkness of the townâs chill night and into some kind of warmth. As you enter the Jade of the Orient, stalling slightly as you swear you feel eyes burning into the side of your face, you look behind you quickly, searching into the deserted street for some kind of movement but the only thing you feel is a flash of pain in your palm, a reminder of the promise you made many summers ago. You had wished, prayed for years that you could forget that promise, forget all the memories of him, Richie Trashmouth Tozier, the boy with the buck teeth and glasses too big for his face, the boy who had left you all those years ago, but that was your curse. Your burden to bear. You still loved him with all your heart, but Derry needed you, and something in your brain would never let your mind falter from the task at hand.
Perhaps there is hope yet, you think. Perhaps Derryâs, and your abandonment was a temporary thing, that the universe would bring joy and life back this place. You just needed to bring the magic eight back together.
âHey, Eds, what the hell happened to your fanny pack?â
As Eddie turns away from the fish tank, a little more hyped than he should be both in total terror and the slight relief his heart still feels at having escaped Myra, of having been taken back to the one place he always knew where he belonged, where he was always destined to be, his mouth twitches into a smile as he sees you standing gingerly next to the giant gong, letting out a breath you didnât know youâd been holding in.
Looking around at the three boys you had spent nearly every day of your childhood with, the boys who look back at you with equally devoted and terrified eyes, a smile twitches at your lips and you run over to them, engulfing them all into the biggest, tightest bear hug youâve had since the day they left Derry.
âWhy the hell did you guys never visit Mike? Or, hell, even me?â
âTo be honest y/n,-â
âw-we didnât r-e-ember.â
âI donât even remember forgetting this placeâ, Eddie chimes in, biting his bottom lip as he looks at you with nothing short of unbridled terror.
âYeah, itâs like coming back to a place you never left, right?â Swinging round, you smile as you see Bev standing in the entrance way, a smile not having made its way onto her lips yet as her hands gingerly play with the strap of her backpack, slight tears welling in the corners of her eyes.
As the ripples of the gong fill the otherwise silent private room with a dull thudding beat, itâs final shrill crescendo making you wince back a little into Eddieâs maroon jacketed arm, youâre surprised to look round and find the boy who had owned your heart all those years ago looking back at you, as if you were looking into a mirror. The two of you just freeze, standing on the slightly stained and sticky carpet as if in the middle of a Western movie, both of you afraid to draw first and speak in case of ruining this moment. Hell, you donât even realise for the first few seconds Ben was standing next to you at all, and as Richie fumbles his hands back into his pockets you feel like he doesnât either.
âY/n? Oh Jesus, hey Y/n. Itâs been way, way too long, nearly thirty years huh, and yet here you still are. Like a dream. Like you never left. Like Iâm fifteen again, oh god, Iâm going to be sick.â
âOh god, beep beep Richieâ the rest of the guys groan out, laughing timidly amongst themselves as they move to sit down, but thankful for the little sliver of familiarity the moment had allowed them to revel in before the more serious business began, before playtime was over and they had to face up not all of them came here for a pleasant little reunion dinner. Richie bangs his fist against his chest, fighting back the nausea that licked against his tender throat like someone had shoved embers in his mouth.
Shoving past Ben, Richie comes sliding over to you, his sleek black shoes nearly tripping him up on the carpet with the grace and skill of a new born giraffe, his desperation to be near you again evident in every movement as his hands fumble onto your shoulders to upright himself, reminding you of the scared brash little boy you used to know. The boy who, at the age of fifteen, would never leave your side on the bright days you used to cycle down to the quarry. The boy who would lie next to you on the stony gravel that cut into your skin, a thin blade of glass clenched between his teeth as the radio blares next to his ear, slight chuckles erupting from his mouth as he listens to his favourite comedy radio show like a rusty tuba being played for the first time in years every time Richie guffaws, not a care in the world. The boy who in reality lay there, afraid to move in case you would run away from him, scared that he meant nothing to you as he threw heated little side glances your way whenever he thought you were looking down at the emerald water, the shy little smile on your face making his heart starts performing back flips and raising his mouth in a dopey grin. The boy who would sit up, a soft look lining his blank face as he raises a finger  to push his glasses back up the brow of his nose before saying, âhey, y/n, um, can I talk to you for a second?â, only to push himself forward onto the palms of his hand and press a short and tender kiss against your lips, pulling away after a few seconds to fiddle with his hands as a rising blush covered his cheeks. The boy you had spent the last thirty years crying over whilst he slowly forgot you.
Yet here he was, a man standing in front of you looking exactly as you had remembered, just a little more exhausted looking and with a lot more stubble. He glanced back, wringing his hands in a familiar and subconscious frightened action he hadnât done since that day at the quarry, glancing down at you over the tip of his black rimmed spectacles, his eyes searching yours, little flickers of gold swirling in their dark mix that you had forgotten about.
âIâm sorry-Iâm sorry I never wrote, or called very often like I promised to. I did write some jokes about you, if that makes you feel any better?â
He scratches against his neck as neck as you stare up at him, wondering whether to take him seriously or not.
âRichie- did you, did you forget me?â
He starts to blubber, leaning his head back and sliding his glasses back up his nose but you interrupt him before he starts blabbering, âitâs alright if you did, thatâs just what happens when you move away from Derry. But I didnât. I didnât.â
He glances shyly at you, wringing his hands before letting out a shaking breathe and taking the seat next to your legs, shrugging off his jacket. He leans over to his left to pull out your seat, hitting the cushions with a small pat as you lower yourself down suspiciously.
As the night progresses, and Richie downs more shots, dropping the glasses to the floor with a light clink, laughter fills the room as the food slowly decreases and decreases. But Richieâs heart eyes grow only more and more, his mind beginning to fill in blanks he didnât realise had been missing as he looked over at you from the rims of his glasses, watching the dips of your cheek, the way your eyes still sparkled as brightly as when you were stupid children playing street fighter.
âHey. y/n, is the arcade still here?â
âYou remember!â
âOf course I do, how could I forget where we had our first date.... And our second, and our third.â
âGod, you were soo romantic.â
âHey, I took you to that new ice cream parlour for out fiftieth date!â
âYeah, because Eddie had given you a coupon!â
You giggled, a bright, starry sound that seemed to knock Richieâs mind back into his sixteen year old self. It was a reminder of all the summer days by the quarry he had spent telling stupid jokes to try and get you to laugh and notice him. It felt like being back there again, but this time, he actually was being noticed. He shoved you lightly in the shoulder with a thankful smile, leaning down quickly to kiss your forehead before you shove him with a kuagh. Looking back over to your side with hot glances, as Bill and Bev start wrestling each other, he notices your eyes had a softness to them, there was something so welcoming in the rich doe colour that swirled like comet tails, deep set in your face and wiser than when he was young, than he remembers, but still as beautiful. Richie felt just a little more lost, a little more at home, each time they met.
Richie feels the heat rise to his cheeks as you looked in his direction. He could feel they were still on him, burning into his cheeks with a silent confusion but light hope.
âI remember it all, you know Y/n. How could I ever forget you? My first love... and my only one.â
Richie glances over at you as his words falter off, his breathing becomes softer, the pensive look melting into a smile as his body squirms just a little as his muscles relax. There is something about that gaze of his, as if in that moment their souls have made a bridge that can never be broken again.
âYeah, I still love you too, Richie.â
His heart thumped so hard that he swore it was audible, his knees knobbling underneath the table as the others start to natter warmly again, filling the room with a familiar warmth that ripples over Richieâs skin, not even realising the long coming declaration of eternal love that had left his mouth, not realising two soulmates had finally reconnected, had finally realised it had been each other all along. That their hearts, no matter how far apart, had always belonged to the other.
#it 2019#it chapter two#it chapter 2#bill hader#richie tozier#richie tozier imagine#richie tozier x reader#richie tozier fluff#bill hader imagine#it 2019 imagine#it 2019 fluff#it chapter 2 imagine#it chapter 2 fluff#it chapter two fluff#finn wolfhard#it 2017#it movie#it movie imagine#losers club#losers club imagine#eddie kaspbrak#bill dembrough#bev marsh#mike hanlon#ben hanscom
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Jojo Rabbit (2019)
Who says you can't laugh about the Holocaust? Certainly not Taika Waititi.
The Hunt for the Wilderpeople directorâs latest film Jojo Rabbit, set in Nazi Germany with a fanatical Hitler youth at its center, is uproarious, funny, and anything but glib. The story follows 10-year-old Jojo Betzler (played by the effortlessly charismatic and magnetic Roman Griffin Davis), who idolizes Adolf Hitler so much that Hitler (played by Waititi) has become his imaginary friend, popping up like a proverbial devil-on-oneâs-shoulder during random moments of turmoil to comfort and counsel our budding young Nazi.Â
Jojoâs dedication to the cause is unwavering. Thanks to some imaginative Nazi propaganda, Jojo is convinced that his purpose is to exterminate Jews, whom he envisions as winged creatures that eat children and hoard anything shiny. Alas, after playing cavalier with a grenade at Hitler youth camp, Jojo suffers an accident that renders him unfit to keep training with the other children, including his best friend Yorki (played by the adorably precocious Archie Yates). Heâs promptly sent home, where his angst grows due to being isolated from his Jew-hating peers. To add insult to injury, he discovers that his mother Rosie (Scarlett Johansson) has been hiding a Jewish girl in their home. Outraged and beside himself with indignation, Jojo hatches a plan to get rid of the Jewish girl, seizing it as an opportunity to prove himself as a true Nazi believer to his peers.Â
Jojo embarks on quite the character arc, and Waititi once again proves that he is a masterful director when it comes to working with children. His ability to elicit the purest, most delightful performances from child actors is amazing (just as he did in Hunt for the Wilderpeople), and the audience swiftly finds themselves endeared to Jojo and the rest of the cast. Performances from everyone were delightful, with Waititi allowing each actor (such as Johansson, Sam Rockwell, and Rebel Wilson) to bring their signature flairs to their characters. While the film is approached mostly as a period piece from an aesthetic standpoint (with costumes, set design, and color palettes largely faithful to the period), Waititiâs deliberate choices in making it anachronistic serve two purposes: to punctuate the satire, and to help make what should be a very sobering subject matter more approachable.  Â
The story, a loose adaptation of the book Caging Skies by Christine Leunens, while quirky and sweet certainly doesn't shy away from the real horrors of the holocaust. Itâs a tightrope walk to juggle humor and atrocity, but Waititi makes it seem natural. He also knows precisely how to tug at heartstrings without being melodramatic. Jojo Rabbitâs triumph is ultimately in its ability to treat the topic of ideological extremism with the ridicule it so often deserves while at the same time provoking interesting questions about why people get sucked into blindly following charismatic demagogues, entrenching themselves in hate-filled cults, and spouting toxic ideologies. The best part? Waititi does this with so much thoughtfulness and nuance, all while serving up an entertaining, poignant story.Â
By the end of Jojo Rabbit, youâre not raising your pitchforks screaming about the injustice of the Holocaustâthat would be rather trite. Instead, youâre reminded that humans are complex, multi-dimensional, and capable of both immense kindness and unbridled terror. Itâs a celebration of peopleâs capacity to change their minds. More importantly, itâs a reminder of the beauty of comedy and how laughter can be the best medicine during turbulent times.Â
(Moreâincluding spoilersâunder the cut)
What I love most about Jojo Rabbit is the depth of each character and how thereâs so much to dissect and unpack for each one. Beginning with Jojoâwe learn that not only is his father far away, in danger, fighting somewhere on the frontlines, but that he also lost his older sister Inge. Weâre never told in full detail what happened to her, but the main takeaway is that her death, coupled by the absence of Jojoâs father, were tragedies that may have propelled Jojo to seek out the philosophy of the Third Reich. Itâs not uncommon for young fanatics to get swept into hate groups when they are at their lowest points. When youâre angry or feeling helpless and lonely, itâs easy to externalize your pain and find someone to blame, whether itâs an entire gender, people of certain ethnicities, or members of a different political party. Itâs simpler, you see, instead of owning oneâs problems and acknowledging that the world doesnât revolve around you. By making boogeymen out of people who are easy targets, we assert control over the senseless things that happen in our lives. Itâs a way to feel powerful.
When youâre young, there are so many things that are out of your control. Youâre caught in this torrent of everyone elseâs decisionsâyour parents, school, your peers, society at largeâand youâre looking around, flailing and hyperaware, that youâre living what is supposed to be your life and yet there seems so very little that you have ownership of. That's Jojoâs story. Not only is he caught in the middle of a war, but heâs grappling with some seriously heavy shit: an absentee father, a dead sister, a craving for acceptance from his peer group and, ultimately, a longing for connection that is rooted in positivity rather that hate.Â
At first that connection seems to be cultivated by his mother, Rosie, who is literally and figuratively the most vibrant character in the film. From her bold, striking fashion sense and rouged lips to her joie de vivre, Rosie is, to quote Mulan, a flower that blooms in adversity. Even during the bleakest of times, she finds ways to uplift her son, whom she can tell is hurting. Her bursts of energy, her ability to find excitement and enthusiasm even in the most mundane of things, her rally to dance in the face of tragedyâall were reminders that dwelling on hatred and sorrow, while easy and sometimes necessary, is a crutch in a balmâs disguise. We must always forge ahead and seek hope when all feels lost, like âstaring a tiger in the eyesâ, as Rosie would say. Thatâs why, despite the risks of being caught by the Gestapo, she housed a Jewish girl in her home. In some small way, she was doing her part in the resistance against a hateful movement. While Rosie says sheâs never stared a tiger in the eyes, her act of defiance came at great risk to herself, and thatâs true courage.
In one of the most heartbreaking scenes in the film, Jojo is wandering the streets when he notices a bright, blue butterfly fluttering against the backdrop of hate-filled propaganda smattered on the city walls. He chases it wistfully and accidentally stumbles on the gallows in the middle of the town square. All the audience sees, hanging from the gallows, is a pair of legs with bright-colored shoes, and our hearts immediately sink. Itâs Rosie. Waititi leads up to this shocking moment during a previous scene, while Jojo and Rosie are hanging out by a river. Rosie makes fun of Jojo for still being unable to tie his own shoes. Sheâs skipping gleefully on top of a concrete wall, with the camera trained low at Jojoâs eye-level, so the audience sees a shot of her shoes as she taps into a merry little dance. Waititi counts on viewers remembering this quiet scene to make what follows truly devastating. The effect is quite heart-stopping, and itâs impossible to want to reach out and give poor Jojo a hug as he cries out and wraps his arms around his dead motherâs feet. Itâs then that Waititi makes his message known: Yes, thereâs plenty to make light of in the world, but you can do this while also acknowledging that thereâs plenty of darkness. Itâs an impressive balancing act, and Waititi does it with so much wonderful exuberance and earnestness that itâs tough not to commend.
Viewers notice that the more Jojo focuses on the positive things in his lifeâhis mother, his new Jewish friend Elsaâthe less we see of his imaginary friend Hitler. And this is a deliberate choice by Waititi to prove a point: when you are consumed with hate, youâll want to constantly keep feeding it because itâs comfortable and easy. As humans, we have a biological negative bias that we rely on as a means of survival. The very idea of entropy exists as a reminder that it takes more work to put things in order, to be good, to rise above, than for things to decay and distort and devolve. The more you fill your life with things that bring you joy, fulfillment, and contentment, the less youâll rely on poisonous literature and toxic people. While this isn't exactly an epiphany for most of us, one may applaud Waititi for the inventive way he delivers this message. Â
Another delightful character who, on the surface, seemed to be solely there for comedic effect, was Sam Rockwellâs Captain Klenzendorf, whoâs tasked with whipping up these little rascals into Nazi-fighting shape. From the very get go, we sense that this manâs commitment to the Nazi cause is entirely for appearancesâ sake. From his clandestine romance with his right-hand man (played by Games of Thronesâ Alfie Allen) to his soft spot for Jojo, the audience is led to believe that this man is merely pretending to be a hard-ass because thatâs what you were expected to do, else be accused of treason to your nation. One could assume his affection for Jojo had something to do with being able to sympathize with the young boy after Jojo is relegated to doing simple jobs due to his injury (Klenzendorf claims he was benched from the frontlines because of an injury that led to him having a dead eye). But itâs toward the end of the film where we fully realize the totality of his character. In an earlier scene, Jojo is bullied by some older boys into killing a rabbit. They jeer at him as he wrestles with the decision to kill an innocent animal. Heâs torn between wanting desperately to ingratiate himself into his peer group and staying true to the part of himself thatâs kind, pure, innocent, and staunchly against needless violence. The music builds as we lean forward in our seats waiting to see what Jojo does. He decides on an act of mercy at his own expense, releasing the bunny and yelling at it to flee from danger. Unfortunately, before it has a chance to escape, the bunny is snatched up by one of the older boys, who wrings its neck in front of all the young boys to see.Â
At first this seems like a scene thatâs simply supposed to be an obnoxious display of bravado. But Waititi calls back to this scene towards the end of the film twice. Klenzendorf arrives at the Betzler household when it is being searched and ransacked by the Gestapo, who suspect Rosie has been aiding Jews. Jojo is terrified, not just to be discovered as traitors by the Gestapo but for Elsaâs (the Jewish girl they have been hiding who has now become his friend) safety. To get ahead of the situation, Elsa emerges from her hiding place and pretends to be Jojoâs dead sister Inge. When the Gestapo demand her paperwork, she shows them Ingeâs old ID card. Klenzendorf immediately intercedes, grabs the ID from her hand and demands that she variate her identity by stating her birthday. Elsa stammers in response. âCorrect,â Klenzendorf confirms flatly. The Gestapo consider this acceptable and vacate the premises, none the wiser. We discover immediately that Elsa had actually given the wrong birthdate, and Klenzendorf could have outed her right then, but decided not to. He was helping the bunny escape.
In another scene, when the Allied troops march into Germany and start rounding up all the Nazi soldiers, Jojo (who has a Nazi officerâs jacket on) is mistaken for one of them. He runs into Captain Klenzendorf, who creates a commotion by wrenching the Nazi jacket off of Jojoâs back and pushing him away, telling him to flee while yelling at him for being a dirty Jew so the Allies donât execute him. It was an act of sacrifice from a man who recognized himself in the young boy. Klenzendorf saw Jojoâs gentleness and purity of heart and knew this kid needed to live. He released the bunny, stared a tiger squarely in the eyesâat the expense of his own life.
Jojo Rabbit, while certainly laugh-out-loud funny and full of amusement, is a moving story about heroism from a group of people who rarely ever get acknowledgment for their acts of bravery. These were Germans who defied their FĂźhrer and their Aryan brotherhood at great risk to their own lives. While these acts will never erase the horrors of the Holocaust, itâs a reminder that people are complicated creatures, capable of miraculous acts of mercy and horrific deeds of violence. It implores us to think about how some of the people that get caught up in hate groups are hurting deeply and just looking for something to blame their pain on. It definitely doesnât excuse their actions or the bile they oftentimes spew, but it merely reminds us that behind every caricature is a human being in pain.Â
Even if you see Jojo Rabbit and donât think itâs that deepâyou may say âStarr, itâs just a comedy about stupid Nazis, itâs not even a true storyâ. What is true about it is that we live in a world of grey, and while it may be simpler to put people in buckets of black and white, hero and villain, good and bad, more often than not we are all just hurting in some way. Whatâs true about it is that we have more in common than we have differences and ultimately, everyone regardless of race, creed, sexual orientation, craves the same thing: freedom; Freedom from the burdens that we carry on our shoulders, from dead loved ones to strife and war. Freedom from the fear of persecution for being who we are. The freedom to wear whatever we want, screw whomever we want, and to dance like no oneâs looking.Â
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Grilling: The Next Generation
I'll admit it. I'm a total porch jockey. Anyone who drives by my house on the weekend will likely see me sitting on my back deck working on my computer (like right now), smoking my pipe (like right now), or grilling (like yesterday). But my favorite of these is definitely grilling. And as I said, I participated in that favorite past time yesterday, but it was a whole new experience for me. Why? Because, for the first time in nearly a decade, I cooked on a new grill, and the experience was bittersweet. You see, the last grill I bought was eight years ago when my wife and I first moved back to Missouri from Virginia. Since then, my humble Kenmore gas grill has given me countless memories and mountains of delicious food. But nothing is meant to last forever, and grills are no exception. I knew I would have to say goodbye eventually, but I had no idea how much it would affect me.
It was a slow fade. First was the electric igniter about five years ago. No biggie. Matches did the job just fine. Then the heat shields crumbled. An easy replacement. Grill covers came and went, and I saw the creeping rust and increasingly unstable base as endearing character traits. Even it's inability to get over 400 degrees was just a minor nuisance. But when the warming rack literally fell in half, I knew it was time to say goodbye to my old friend. Thus began my search for a replacement. And gosh, did I have a hard time deciding.
As I said, I'd grilled exclusively on gas for the majority of my adult life, so it's what I was comfortable with. I knew the hot spots. I knew its strengths and weaknesses. And I loved the ease of use. But I was ready for a change. And so, I had two options in mind: a pellet grill or a dual gas/charcoal combo. I researched countless brands and variations online. I pestered my co-workers and patients for a solid week (bless their patience). And still I was no closer to deciding. It was like comparing apples to oranges. But in the end, a couple of factors led me to a decision.
Remember when I said the electronic igniter was the first thing to go out on my gas grill? Well, as much as I loved the diverse options of a pellet grill and the idea of getting that delicious smoked flavor with the push of a couple of buttons, pellet grills right now rely heavily on a slue of electronics. Igniters, thermostats, and augers, oh my. So much so that most have some form of motherboard to control their fancy gizmos. And even though I keep my grills covered religiously, they do sit outside all year. And I really hated the idea of having to replace essential components. For me, simpler is better.
The second factor was the wood pellet itself. It's the fuel that makes pellet grills possible. They pack all of the flavors of various wood chips for a fraction of the cost because they're essentially the sawdust byproduct of furniture manufacturers. They're waste that's put to good use, and they wind up being cheaper than charcoal and even gas. But the little secret that Traeger doesn't want you to know is this: you don't need a pellet grill to use pellets! Throw a handful on top of your charcoal and you get all of that smoky goodness without the fancy technology. But what's that you say? The mess and time that charcoal requires doesn't compare to the quick, easy use of pellet grills? Well, yes, that's true. But that's what ten-dollar smoker boxes are made for. Fill one up with pellets and throw it on top of your gas grill. Problem solved (okay, not completely. I'm aware that it's hard to replicate the raw smoking power of a pellet grill or a dedicated smoker, but my solution is a reasonable one).
So now that I knew I'd be happy with a duel-fuel grill, all that remained was to pick a brand and style. There were only a few that I found with the massive amount of cooking surface that I wanted, and the variations between them were negligible. In fact, as I compared, it seemed that most used a lot of the same parts. Like, the exact same parts. So much so that it got me wondering if they came from the same manufacturers. I couldn't find any proof online, but the fact remained: instead of comparing apples to oranges, I was now comparing apples to apples. And I was ready to stop comparing them and start grilling them (if you've never grilled apples, you're really missing out). So after work last Thursday, I felt like a Viking returning from a successful conquest when I brought home a $300 Char-Broil side-by-side with 1,000 square inches of cooking surface. And then I pulled it all out of the box on Friday and felt like a child staring at a 1,000-piece Lego set.Â
But I didn't let it intimidate me. I put on some tunes, cracked a cold one, and got to work, knowing all of my efforts would soon be worth it. And four hours later (after assembly and rubbing the whole interior down with margarine to "cure" everything), I stood back and admired the newest member of the Winch family. I mean, sure, it was already past dinnertime, which meant we had leftovers, but I was ready to break that bad boy in the next day. And the anticipation was more exciting than Christmas Eve.
Needless to say, my Saturday was a day to remember. One thousand inches of cooking surface. The left side was what I knew: clean, even propane. And the right was unexplored territory: raw, unbridled charcoal. And things got out of hand in a hurry. Waaaay too much charcoal and pellets. My chicken was burning within minutes, even with the vents closed and the charcoal basket as low as it would go. But I adjusted. I buckled down and harnessed the storm. And it was glorious. Every inch of that cast iron was filled with meats and veggies of the most heavenly varieties. And everything landed on the plates with better flavor and texture than I've been able to attain for years. And the critics agreed.
And I think that's the main reason why this has all been so important to meâmy family. They always look forward to Daddy's grilling. It brings them joy, and they tell me as much. And for any husband or father, having a family's praise is the ultimate joy. It's what it's all about. All the hard work. The long hours and the time away from those loved ones. It's all worth it to see them appreciate you. And grilling has always been a surefire way to win over their hearts.
As I said, nothing is meant to last, and I know the grill I bought won't outperform a Weber or a Traeger. But when it does finally collapse into a pile of rust, maybe I'll want something different. Maybe the pellet grills will have more options and lower price tags. And until then, I'll honor the memory of my trusty Kenmore by creating new memories with my Char-Broil. So from my porch to yours, happy grilling.
#grilling#barbecue#traeger#webergrill#smokedmeat#pelletgrill#gasgrill#charcoalgrill#momblr#dadblr#mumblr#'merica#summer#char-broil#dual-fuel
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Reunion
  Henry throws on his favorite shirt, a concert tee that he got at an Arlo Guthrie concert some years back. Pulling the shirt over his head, he eyes the bottle of ale that sits on the kitchen table. Reaching out with his left hand he grabs the bottle and takes a long pull from it. Friday night and not a thing going on. Luckily.   With the drink in his hand he walks over to the living room window and takes a peak at the great outdoors. Folks arriving for a CYO event at the school across the street. Looks like a basketball game as he spies on the young girls showing up in their cheerleader outfits. Some adults walking in and a young man about 20 has his head stuck into his cell phone, texting as he moves straight ahead. Henry closes the curtain tight and walks away quite glad that he is not playing a game of basketball tonight. As much as he complains about the loneliness of his life, he has adapted to it and some nights, such as tonight, he is glad for his solitude lifestyle.    The television is on but thankfully muted while the record player spins the vinyl album around at 33 and a third. A collector of sorts, he stops and stares at his records. A massive amount that must be well into the thousands. His father started him out young to the pleasures of music and he never looked back. His dad left him his old records from the 40's to the 70's when he passed away. Alphabetized, he goes down to one knee to look through the Z's. Pulling out Frank Zappa's first album he takes the record from its sleeve and stares at the grooves that the needle reads. Henry can, and will spend hours now gazing at his collection with pride bursting up through his soul. Nothing can or will make him as happy as rummaging through these records and trips to the Salvation Army for more is his true joy in life.    Stopping only to gather up a plate of nacho's and a few beers, Henry has just spent the complete Friday night alone with his records. He plans to leave the house tomorrow morning for a trip to the local hotel where a huge record sale will be going down. Once a month there is a gathering of all types of venders selling off their albums and other music related items. Henry looks forward to this with unbridled glee. He takes to the computer and after seeing there was not one email waiting for him he begins to compile a list of albums that he must have and hopefully he will be able to find them there. Some records he just never stops looking for. Years and years he has waited for somebody to sell them off. A Beatles record nicknamed the Butcher Album due to the cover showing the Fab Four dressed as butchers covered in raw meat and doll parts. A true and rare collector's item. He saw one once when he was visiting his sister in California. He had it in his hands and as he always does, he smelled the inside of the cover. There really is nothing finer than the scent of an old record Henry believed. The asking price for the album was a hefty 1000 bucks which he did not have at the time. He has saved up for the day it would appear to him again. He would not miss out on it twice.   With the need to take a piss Henry, drunk now, as he always is on the weekends, stumbles to the bathroom. Holding on for dear life he lets out a long sigh and out of the blue the telephone rings. He usually unplugs the fucking thing on the weekends but he must have forgotten.  The answering machine pick up. It is a woman's voice and it is unfamiliar. Without washing his hands, Henry walks to the bedroom to hear the voice say goodbye and then the tape rewinds. Who the fuck could that be? Henry presses play and he listens in carefully.  "I'm looking for Henry Coda. If this is the wrong number I apologize but I really want to find him. This is Anna Baez. I went to school with Henry back in the 80's and I would like to invite him to our schools 25th anniversary. It's this upcoming weekendâŚseven days from now and it will be a ball. So Henry, please if you could join us at the school at 7 in the gymnasium⌠I would be thrilled to see you again. We all would. It will be a blast. I hope this is the right number. Call me at 722-5733 to let me know if you can come. Thanks and goodbye."   Christ. Anna Baez. Henry takes a long drink from the bottleâŚkilling it and he heads to the bookshelf to pull out his senior yearbook. The cover says Binghamton Central High School. It has been years since he has looked at this thing. He takes a seat on his bed and opens the book. He flips through the pages with a bored look on his face until he comes to the page he wants. Under his nose is a picture of Anna. A blonde beauty that was quite popular in school. Unlike Henry she excelled in school, running for class president and winning. A cheerleader and if he remembered correctly, she was crowned prom queenâŚa prom in which Henry did not attend. His book was signed a few times and he reads a few. "Have a great summer HenryâŚsee you at the college." "Henry, keep playing that guitar and I am certain you'll be top of the pops in no time." "You are one weird fellow man. Don't change."   Henry never ended up going to the local community college and he never made it to the top of the charts. He was still weird and he has barely changed since the 80's. He closed the book and placed it back on the shelf. He remained on the bed thinking of school. How he hated it and most of the kids thereâŚexcept for one girlâŚNancyâŚor Nan for short. Nan, he had the biggest teenage crush on. She was always friendly with him but she was dating the same guy from their freshman year right up to the senior year. They were friendsâŚshe was kind to him and although her boyfriend hated him she didn't care. She was nice. Rising from the bed he began to think about her. Nan, I wonder if you are even still alive and if you are I bet you have fourteen kids and a beefcake husband. He wandered out of his room and made it to the kitchen to grab a fresh beer. Cracking it open he heard the needle hit the label on the record he was playing and he knew it was time to flip it over.   Playing the Stones now he could not get his mind off of that girl. Nan. Henry hardly left his house for any kind of social event. Skipping family reunions and the like. But thisâŚthis could beâŚinteresting. He wanted to see Nan and that was the only thing that made him pick up the phone to call Anna back.   She answered right away and sounded genuinely pleased to hear from him. She told him that he was all set. That it was to be a casual party and that he could bring a friend or spouse if he wanted to. Henry asked how many people have signed up to go and she told him that it will be a packed event. "Expect at least a hundred kids to be there. It will be lots of fun. And Henry, feel free to bring some of those records of yours with you. I bet we would all like to hear them." After saying goodbye and hanging up Henry crawled into bed and found himselfâŚdrunk and daydreaming about Nan and just what he could say to her. It made him nervous just thinking about it and soon he blocked it out and fell asleep with the full bottle of beer next to his head. âââââââââââââââââââââââââââââââ           After about four beers Henry was ready to leave for the reunion. Dressed in khakis and a seersucker shirt he bent down to tie his shoes when he felt the urge to throw up come over him. He ran to the kitchen sink and made it just in time. Four beers down the drain, all sudsy and wiping tears from his eyes he went to swig some mouthwash around in the bathroom.    Outside now Henry tucked the cuffs of his pants into his socks and jumped onto his bicycle. The school was only a few blocks away and it was a pleasant night. He had no intention of trying to impress anyone there. His bike was fine and he enjoyed riding it more than driving anyway.    Along the way there his nerves grew worse and he checked the time on the side of the bank on the corner. 7:15. He was late and he did not care. He toyed with the idea of not showingâŚno one would miss him anyway but NanâŚhe was dying to see what became of her. He stopped his bike in front of the tavern Rocco's and parking his bike on the side of the building. He went in. "Henry! Long time no see my friend. How goes it?" Rocco extended his hand and Henry shook it with a weak smile on his face. "Get me a cold one please Rocco. Lord knows I need one tonight" "What's the big occasion? You got a hot date tonight? If you do, bring her here. I'd love to see the kind of girl you could pick up Henry."    The bartender, a black guy with muscles that would put Schwarzenegger to shame cracked the top off the bottle of Bud and handed it to Henry. He took hold of it and brought it to his mouth and drained half of it in a mere two seconds. His eyes darted around but he found himself slowly calming down. The television above the bar was on showing some soccer match and the jukebox was playing the old Turtles tune.. .'Happy Together.' "Henry, it's been a while, a few days now perhaps since you last walked into my establishment. What's been happening to you? You depressed? Did a fire destroy your record collection or something?" "No. Just been busy is all. Listen Rocco, I need your advice here. I'm now headed to my 25th reunion at school and I am rather nervous about it all. There is a girl thereâŚor a woman now and I really want to talk to her but I am a social dud. I have no idea what to say to her. What's a good ice breaker? Something that won't make me look like a total dick head. Just a little dick head." Rocco smiled and said " Ah Henry, you seeing an old flame tonight? Some girl who used to give you hand jobs in the basement? Something like that eh?" "NoâŚnot at all. Just a girl who I was friendly with. Though I have to admit that I dreamed of her and those hands giving me some relief. I don't know. I can't think of what to say to her when I see her. I need your help here."  Rocco pulled up a stool and thought for a while. "What did you guys used to talk about in school? Back then. What did you talk about?" Henry thought for a while and he said `music.' "Ok, then you talk about that. Just say that you heard an old song on the radio and that it made you think of her. She'll be pleased to hear thisâŚhopefully and there you go. You'll be off to the races." "But I never listen to the radioâŚall those commercials and that terrible hip hop music they play now a daysâŚIt gives me a headâŚ" âThen, forget the radio partâŚjust say you heard a songâŚsomewhere⌠and it made you think of her. Just wing it from there. She'll want to know what song and then you'll be in a real conversation and I bet it will be the first one with a woman for quite some time. Am I right?" Henry sighed and took a drink from the bottle. "Yeah, music, that's kinda what I had planned on anyway." "That's all you ever talk about actually Henry. This is the first conversation we've had that wasn't about music or music related. You must really be nervous." "Yeah, I am. What time is it Rocco?" "7:30." "Shit, I gotta go. Thanks for the help. I appreciate it, man."   Rocco wished him good luck and said that if he gets lucky with the girl to bring her over to the bar so he could see what all this nervousness was all about. Henry killed his beer and slammed the bottle down on the bar with a determined thud. He stood and with a wave left the bar and found his bike waiting for him. He climbed aboard and began his trek to the school. ââââââââââââââââ-    Inside the gymnasium it was sweltering. He was informed at the front desk, where old Anna Baez was sitting, that the air conditioners were on the fritz and to expect it to be a little warm in there. Warm? It was horrible. Henry went immediately to the bar and ordered a beer. A nice cold beer would really hit the spot and maybe calm his nerves a bit.   Drinking, he looked down to his name tag. Henry. Who the hell is going to remember me anyway? This is a mistake. He had a few friends in high school and they all went to universities and left him in his hometown alone and friendless. Sure, he knew some of the guys and gals at the record conventions but he wouldn't be able to really call them friends. He was a lonely guy who simply loved his records and beer. He looked up and watched all the people milling around and some dancing. A few guys whom he recognized as old jocks were standing at the bar, drinking and laughing, without a care in the world. Henry felt the sweat dripping down his back and he flapped his shirt a few times to get some air in there. His ears pricked up when he heard a Duran Duran song playing and he was just about to head over to the DJ booth to talk to the guy about his CD's when he saw Nan walk in. The light from the gym was weak at best but he knew it was her although he could not read her name tag. My goodnessâŚthere she is he thought to himself. I'll just wait for a while to let her mingle with the people that she really wanted to see and then, then he would walk up to her and reintroduce himself to her.     Henry wiped his brow with the back of his hand and struck up a conversation with the DJ. They shot the shit for a few minutes when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned around and saw Nan smiling ear to ear. "Henry CodaâŚmy GodâŚyou look exactly the same. You really do. My goodnessâŚhow are you?"    Henry's shirt was sopped with sweat as he opened his mouth to return her greeting when a group of guys walked up to Nan and began to talk excitedly to her. Henry shrunk back to the DJ booth and just stood there watching them enjoying their conversation. I wish I was normal he thought to himself. I wish I could talk and feel carefree with others. Instead I am a sweating fool all alone with social anxiety and a drinking problem. He took a swig from his plastic cup and turned around to stare at the wall.   A few minutes passed while a Van Halen song played. Henry began to recall the time he had bought the album which this song came from when he heard a woman's voice say something. He turned around to see Nan staring at him. "HelloâŚanyone home? I've been trying to get your attention for a minute now silly. Daydreaming about music I bet. This Van Halen song sure brings back the memories don't you think?" "I was just playing this song a few days ago actually. All in all it's a great album with very little filler. Sure, a few of the songs aren't all that great on it but not many records from that period were masterpieces. You know what I mean?" Nan smiled at him and told him that he has not changed all that much from 25 years ago. Henry smiled and tried hard to think of something to say to her. He decided to ask her about her life now but she spoke first. "So tell me HenryâŚtell me about your life. Are you married? Is your rock and roll wife around here somewhere?" "Wife? Ha, noâŚNo wife. Never. Never was married. You?" "Well, remember Davey? My boyfriend in school? We married after college and 10 months later we were divorced. Still to this day I have no idea what went wrong but that band of gold on my finger just cursed us. It was something else, I'll tell you, I won't be walking down the aisle again, you can count on that." Henry looked down at her finger and even in the bad light he could see that she was not sporting a wedding ring. "Gee, I'm sorry about that Nan. GeezeâŚwill he be here tonight? Davey?" "No, he moved to Washington State after our divorce was finalized. I haven't seen him in years now. No kidsâŚthank God." "OhâŚwell that's good I guessâŚdivorce can really be hard on kids; at least that's what I've read in magazines and all. SoâŚyou live around here?" Nan answered his questions and boy was there a lot of them. Henry at times felt like he was interviewing the poor girl but he really had nothing else to say to her so he asked questions. Query after query but she didn't seem to mind at all. They talked for a while when he realized he was in dire need of a drink. He tried to back step a bit to get closer to the bar hoping that she would follow himâŚslowly but two steps back into his plan she stood right there, not moving an inch. He would have to ask her if she would like a refill on her wineâŚor what appeared to be wine. Maybe it was punch. It was red and that was all he could tell. In a break in the conversation he asked her if she would like a refill and that he could really go for a cold beer in this stifling heat. "I know! It's so hot in hereâŚI can't stand it. Want to go outside for a bit? I could use some fresh air and besidesâŚand don't tell anyone but I am dying for a cigarette." "Outside? Certainly. I'd like that. I'm beginning to melt in here. Please just let me refill my beer here. Can you wait?" She nodded her head and Henry went to get a beer. Turning to Nan he asked her if she was good. She replied that another cup of wine would be great and she handed him her now empty cup. "âŚA nice cold Michelob and a wine please Jerry."   The bartender filled up the two glasses and they headed outside. On the way to the front doors Nan was greeted with many hellos. Henry couldn't remember her being so popular in school. It was mighty crowded and Nan grabbed his arm and pulled him along and he was happy to be lead away out of there. Outside the cool air was a Godsend. They both needed the cool night air on their hot skin. "Now this is much better, don't you think Henry? So, tell me nowâŚback in school you loved music more than anyone I've ever known. You ever made a career of it? You in a band or anything?" He felt like he was letting her down as he went on to say that not only was he not in a band but that as a career he chose media marketing. "What exactly is that Henry?" "You know those jingles you hear on the radio? I write them. I make commercials for the radio and television." "Oh my, how interestingâŚanything I would know?" "You know Champs Fried Chicken? The chain of chicken places? Well that one ad..the one that goes:
`ChampsâŚis the place to be when your down and hungry, a dollar 99 is all you got? you'll dig our chicken, you'll dig it a lot.'
I wrote that." "Holy shit Henry, I know that song! It's the catchiest tune like ever! WowâŚI'm with a celebrity here!" "HaâŚwellâŚit pays the bills. It's not going to get me a gold record but I suppose I can't complain." "Well, I think it's awesomeâŚsimply awesome Henry. I'm not as famous as you but I guess my job is okâŚI sell real estate in North Carolina. I'm not rich or anything but like you, I can pay the bills."   Henry found himself relaxing a bit. The cool night air did him well and he found that he could keep up his end of the conversation. He went in a few times to refill their drinks. He was feeling alright by the time of his 7th beer of the night and Nan was really knocking the wine back. They talked about many things and a few people even recognized him as they made their way out of the gym to return home.   Around the time of Nan's fifth cup of wine she realized that the party inside was dying down. "I should really go back inside and mingle a bit more. You wanna come along with me? There has to be other people you want to see besides me." "Not really, NanâŚin fact the only reason why I came to this high school heat wave was to see you. You were always so nice to meâŚdon't think I've forgotten it these many years later." "Oh Henry, that's so nice of you to say. ShootâŚI should go back though. You sure you don't want to come with me? I'll buy you another drink." Henry thought about it and decided not to go in. "I'm sorry Nan but it's really too hot for me in there. I'm going to head to Rocco's for a nice air conditioned beer." "Sounds splendid. OkâŚI understand. "It was nice to see you again NanâŚreally. Take care now." "I will. Thanks for visiting with me. I had a ball. Enjoy Rocco's" And with that they hugged each other goodbye and went their separate ways.
   Around 1AM Rocco was placing the chairs up on the tables when there was a knock at his front door. He checked the time on his wrist and went to tell them he was closed. Through the door he saw a woman standing there. "I'm sorry Ma'am but I'm closed now. I open at 9 if you still need a drink in the morning." The girl was swaying a bit but managed to steady herself. "Is Henry there? Henry Coda? I'm a friend of his." Rocco opened the door and told her that she just missed him. "He left about 10 minutes ago. You don't happen to be Nan are you?" "Yes..why?" "Oh boy was he going on and on about you. You made quite the impression on him tonight. He usually only talks about music but not tonight. It was Nan this and Nan that. Sorry you missed him." "Yeah, me too. Please tell him I stopped by ok?" "I will. Goodnight." And with that she turned away and headed back to her waiting taxi. âThanks for waiting. Please take me to the Serling Hotel.â  The driver nodded and turned the key in the ignition and pulled away from the tavern.  Nan, drunk⌠rummages through her purse as the taxi speeds through the early morning darkness as the car radio plays an REM song and Nan smiles to herself as she zips up her bag and quietly sings along to the tune as it plays.  Â
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Doorways, Part Three
yikes get prepared to do some reading yâall iâm surprised at myself lmao
hope you like it!!
tagged: @countessmissyshortâ
(word count: 2714 | pairings: none | cw: self-deprecation)
PART ONE | PART TWO | PART THREE | PART FOUR
Virgil slowly shut his door until it latched- donât slam it, donât upset Patton any more than you just did, you idiot- and sighed deeply, leaning against it for a moment before heading over to his bed and tiredly clambering in. Thomasâ emotional state was significantly better- dark mood beaten out for now- but Virgilâs was spiraling downward pretty quickly. The realization that he had a bad mood- that he was the one of the four that harbored most bad moods- only made it worse.
He rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling, eyes glassing over. In his own mind, he felt like he was digging through a treacherous landscape, batting away at the thickening fog he could feel rather than see and ripping his feet from the sticky swamp below. Icy tendrils tried to wrap around his wrists and ankles, but he sluggishly worked his way through the dreary dampness, feebly trying to evade his-
-...evade his purpose.
Virgil had told Thomas he hated working hard, and he meant it. Dealing with all that negativity all the time was exhausting. He had to do it whether he wanted to or not- whether he could or not. It wasnât like any of the others could ever do it, though- Patton could handle some of the emotion, but would eventually revert back to his much better happy-go-lucky self. Roman could, maybe, but heâd tire out too quickly and race back to his own realm of wonder and adventure. Virgil wouldnât have blamed them, either. Who wouldnât leave this mess if they had the change? Who would possibly want to-
Stop that. He shook his head quickly, attempting to dispel those thoughts, internally ripping himself away and stumbling backward. He just needed to calm down and not let Thomas feel any of this. He just needed to beat this down and hope it would eventually grow tired and leave on its own accord, successfully suppressed.
It wouldnât happen, though- he knew that. It was pervasive, and insistent, and exhausting, and-
A knock at the door shook him from his thoughts and he peered at it, puzzled. A glance at the clock (the one on his desk that told him the actual time- not the one spinning wildly on the wall) told him quite a bit of time had passed since breakfast.
â...Come in?â he called, sitting up slightly. The handle turned and in came Logan, peering around momentarily before stepping in. Virgil frowned.
âLogan?â It wasnât like the logical side to come to his room- or, well, anybodyâs.
âHello, Virgil. I wanted to talk with you.â
Virgil swallowed. âListen, if this is about breakfast, Iâm sorry- I just-â
Logan shook his head and moved to sit in the desk chair. âIt is about breakfast, but Iâm not necessarily here requesting an apology.â
Virgil leaned against his pillows, glancing away. â...Oh.â And then- â...So what are you here for?â
âIâm mainly here to ask about you. Are you alright?â
Virgil sighed. âIâm fine, Logan. I just- a bad mood was settling in. It was kind of a lot to handle. Iâm getting the hang of it now.â
âThat is good to hear.â
Virgil stared blankly across his room as it was quiet for a moment. He found himself staring at his other door. Plain. White. No decoration to speak of.
â...but not good to hear if itâs not actually the whole truth,â Logan added quietly. Virgil turned to him for a moment before looking away, unable to hold his gaze.
â...Itâs just-â Virgil scrambled for the words- â-just- why me?â
âWhy you what?â
âWhy am I anxiety?â Virgil asked, misery evident in his voice. âI didnât ask for this. I didnât ask to be created. Thomas just wanted an antagonist, but people liked me, so I stick around. I never wanted-â
He broke off, forcing the lump in his throat back down, and gestured helplessly to his dark, cobweb-covered room.
â...We never asked to be ourselves either, Virgil.â
âWell, yeah, but-â Virgil shook his head. âItâs not the same. Itâs fun to be you. Iâm- Iâm a burden.â
âWhat do you mean?â
âI mean- look at you guys! You wear a necktie and glasses and- youâre so brilliant and witty and sassy. Roman is- is dressed as a Disney prince, for crying out loud, heâs the ultimate hero. And Pattonâs so- just so- cheery and bubbly and happy and wears the silly adorable polo and- and the cardigan, and just- and here I am, with black eyeshadow and an oversized hoodie and sloppy hair, and if I could ever conjure up anything it would- probably be storm clouds and embarrassing photos and exam papers with failing grades on the top. My point is- why would any of you three ever not want to be yourselves and want to be somebody else?... What could ever be wrong with being one of you?â
Logan was silent. Virgil glanced back over at his closet door, falling onto his pillows in defeat. A heavy, dejected silence hung in the air. The shadows on the ceiling above Virgilâs head slowly began to spin.
â...Roman is dangerous.â
â...Huh?â Virgil whipped his head around to stare at Logan, who was looking at his hands in his lap. The shadows even seemed confused- those over the bed slowly dissipated. What?
âThomas has said it himself,â Logan continued. âIf he only listened to his most wonderful, romantic, fanciful thoughts, he would be setting himself up for heartbreak. Imagine if Roman had more unbridled influence- if he were left unchecked by you, or me, or even Patton. Thomas would have these huge, mountainous, ridiculous dreams dashed all the time by reality. âŚDo you remember the phone call?â
Virgil shuddered. How could he forget? The phone ringing, Thomasâ face of horror, Roman wailing for him to pick it up, his own terrifying voice- Get rid of it, get rid of the phone now!
â...Yeah. I remember.â
âRoman doesnât know when to hold back. You helped Thomas through that one.â
âThat was a moment of sheer desperation. And you were gone. Well- not gone gone, like you said, whatever,â he corrected as Logan opened his mouth to interrupt. âYou werenât there to stop the first call from happening in the first place. And besides- Roman was just doing what Thomas wanted.â
âWhich is rewarding, yes. But sometimes, what Thomas might want isnât what he needs⌠which brings me to Patton.â
âPatton?â
âYes, Patton. Where Roman can be dangerous, Patton is- unpredictable. If Thomas only listened to Patton all the time, or even listened to him much more, he would exhaust himself being happy to everyone all the time and doing what everybody else wanted from him. His own necessary productivity and ambition would come to a screeching halt. Patton is actually constantly being suppressed or morphed or has to watch Thomas lie about his feelings while heâs struggling through them. And when he does take the time to work them out- well. Filming those Moving On videos hurt Patton deeply, as you saw. That took a lot out of him because Patton kind of- well-â Logan took a breath. âHe prefers to cherry-pick his way through Thomasâ life, bounding from one positive emotion to another, no matter how fleeting. You know how he is conversationally- always saying whatever comes to his mind, interjecting randomly with things that donât always make logical sense- it shows Patton is subject to whims and fancy. He is totally ungrounded. You and I convince Thomas he needs to work through more difficult feelings in order to better understand himself. You and I- rather ironically- both know repressing emotions isnât good for him.â
Virgil mulled over this a second, taken back by Loganâs brutal criticism of the fatherly side. â...But Patton just tries to keep Thomas happy.â
âExactly. He tries to keep him happy all the time. As wonderful as happiness is, it shouldnât be a constant. It is unwise to make joy your baseline. But I-â Logan stopped.
Virgil glanced over at him again. The logical side seemed to sag slightly in the desk chair.
â...youâŚ?â
âIâŚâ Logan sighed, glancing at Virgilâs desk. âI used to, but- if Thomas listened to me all the time now⌠he would most likely almost never be happy.â
Virgil blinked. âWoah. What?â
âThe other two bring the sunshine- not just a whole lot of it. Sure, I helped Thomas through his education quite a bit in the past- guided him towards his ambitions and goals, but- his goals are changed now. They certainly arenât as academic as they once were. Which is fine! Absolutely fine. But.â Logan gave a short laugh. âImagine if Thomas had never tried making videos, stuck to a chemical engineering career, and watched his Broadway dreams fade away. We all know how miserable that would make him⌠and because of that, I⌠well, at times I feel as though I am not much use anymore.â He exhaled slowly, a defeated smile on his face. Virgil frowned deeply.
âI used to be much more in control, as you know. I had to learn to give the reins over to Roman- to ignore Thomasâ education, everything he worked towards for so long, as Thomas shifted his chemical engineering career to the backburner and went full-throttle on the extracurricular I used to quite honestly hope was fanciful and fleeting. And that transition⌠As unemotional as I may be, Virgil, that was- that was terrifying. That was heartbreaking. But it made Thomas so happy.â
Virgil froze. What is going on?
â...Didnât that make you wonder?â He blurted out suddenly. âIf Roman being in charge- if you werenât there- if that would have made Thomas happier all that time?â
Logan shook his head. âI used to. But I was wrong.â He glanced up at Virgil, smiling as he did.
â...But- but how? You just said-â
âI said the transition was difficult. I said it made Thomas happy. And sure, Thomas had hard times growing up. But did I keep him from being happy back then? No, of course not. Quite the contrary. I realized, then, that Thomas utilizing my strengths had made him happy- capitalizing on that love for the rainforest and transforming it into a potential lifelong career. Using Romanâs interest and guiding it into this plan helped Thomas in the long run. His discipline in his education helped him in other areas- and Virgil, thatâs how you help him, too. Youâre not always at the forefront- you rarely ever are. You do your best work helping Thomas quietly in the background.â
Virgilâs brain was spinning. He was quiet for a long moment.
â...how do I help him?â
âWhen you shoot down one of Romanâs wild ideas, itâs because youâre thinking long-term. To use a very Roman-esque metaphor, you see the chinks in the armor before he rides into battle. Roman only complains when you do so because his ego prevents him from seeing the issues himself. Youâre there to protect him and Thomas both.
âAnd when you make Thomas practice his lines over and over, when you give him the butterflies in his stomach backstage, when you fear failure- itâs not because you want him to mess up. Itâs because you want things to go perfectly, for Thomas to do his very best, for his fears not to come to fruition. And that is important to note.
âVirgil, when youâre afraid of a breakup, of losing friends and family- itâs because you donât want Thomas to get too attached to something that might not always be there. You are attempting to be a cautionary tale before itâs ever written. You work against Patton and Roman simultaneously- you carry that weight- because you donât want them to get hurt by their own ambitions.â
âJesus, youâve put a lot of thought into this, Logan.â
Logan grinned broadly. âThat is what I do best. Just- think of us all like- say, a bike. Roman and Patton are the handlebars- they can pull Thomas in certain directions and guide him where he wants to go. You and I are the training wheels- making sure the turns arenât too tight, that he doesnât lose his balance. When Thomas is aware of us, when he also takes us into consideration, he makes sure he doesnât take a road too bumpy or uneven.â
âBut if weâre training wheels, doesnât that mean Thomas- at some point- wonât need us anymore?â He winced once he realized what he had said. â...Sorry. That was probably a bit too close to what you mentioned earlier.â
But Logan simply shook his head again. âYouâre forgetting a few things- first, that some people can ride bikes without using the handlebars, too. Second, Thomas is a child at heart- a toddler using training wheels isnât too far of a metaphor stretch. Third- Thomas still doesnât know how to ride a bike. The man made a vine about parkour and nearly shattered his wrist falling on purpose. Do you really think heâs going to ever hop on a bike without a little extra support?â
Virgil couldnât help the loud laugh that burst out of his mouth before covering it quickly. Logan looked immensely proud of himself.
âAnd I thought you said the other two brought the sunshine,â Virgil teased. Logan blinked, caught off-guard by Virgilâs statement, before smiling softly- then his face turned more serious.
â...There is another thing I wanted to discuss.â
Virgil swallowed. Pattonâs dad lectures were one thing. But a Logan lecture? Heâd never heard of one, and it scared him a little bit.
âRoman tells us those stories because he knows we canât experience them.â
â...Yeah. I know.â A bitter taste was back in Virgilâs mouth. He looked down again.
âNo- you misunderstand. He is not boasting. He is sharing.â
Virgil glanced up sharply. â...What? Whatâs the difference?â
âNone of us could truly follow on one of his adventures, and Roman knows that. He has the imagination and the bravery, the ego, the voice of narration, the knowledge of how to follow a plot steadily. We would either fail the quest, create plot holes, or never write the story because we wouldnât know which direction to take it. Roman tells us these stories of grandeur so we can also experience them. Just like how Patton loves us all so much because he knows how hard it can be for us to love ourselves, fundamentally. Just as I am here for you, right now, being the voice of logic and reason. Just how you question our decisions for us, point out faults before they bring about our demise, and worry so we donât have to. Personifying worry and anxiety- and to a degree, self-preservation- is not an easy task, Virgil. It is a steep order. It takes a lot out of you- but you are strong enough to handle it. You were made to handle it. Just as I was made to handle challenges of intellect. Just as Roman was made to handle creative block and self-doubt. Just as Patton was made to handle heartbreak. Thomas made you because he couldnât function without you- and you have a two-video story arc to prove that, Virgil. Remember that.â
Virgil blinked hard to clear the fog from his eyes. He silently fiddled with his jacket zipper, Loganâs words bearing down on him in the quiet. He glanced up at the other side.
â...Thank you, Logan.â
Logan straightened his tie and glasses, sitting up in the chair. He nodded at Virgil.
âNo, really. I- I had never thought about it... that way. You did, though- and you didnât have to share that with me, but you did, and I⌠I⌠I really appreciate it.â
âYou have helped me before, Virgil. I was simply returning a long-overdue favor.â He stood up from the chair and moved to exit, but not before turning back.
â...Oh. And Patton told me to tell you that you should apologize to Roman. I believe he said something akin to, âYou canât really wound Romanâs ego, but if you could, that would have.ââ
Virgil smiled. âOf course Patton would say that⌠and heâs right. Iâll go. Thanks again, Logan.â
Logan smiled back. âGlad to be of assistance.â
A/N: ...in my defense, Logan's a bit of a chatterbox... goodness i love him for it thoÂ
(this was partially my own ridiculous mind-dump headcanon on how Virgil is seen as so necessary- itâs not just that heâs also good, itâs that too much of the otherâs isnât the best, either. sorry if the train of thought derails quite a bit in there. writing loganâs dialogue is a major brain stretch in that I have to take my own words i want him to say, make the sentences long and rambling, and spice them up intellectually, which is so fun!- but can get messy)
comments and critiques are always appreciated :) and if you want me to tag you let me know!
#sanders sides#doorways#virgil#logan#roman#patton#mine#an extremely talkative logan#and a very grateful virgil#...i may edit this in the future#it's a /lot/ for logan to be saying on his own#we shall see
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Ancient runes- Freyas aett [plural. Aettir]
meanings of these first eight runes were essential components of life for the Nordic people and are symbolic of nurturing and concerned with concrete matters of daily life. are particularly helpful as supporting and assisting forces, which can be added to spells to enhance or otherwise assist their effects.
FEHU
Cattle, wealth Owning cattle and gold were ways to raise yourself through the ranks of tribal society
The richness and gain of spirituality and happiness
Schreiberâs corrections, Fehu stands for fortune in both the material and immaterial sense of the word.
Merkstave, Fehu represents the opposite: loss [both personally and materially] as well as the negative forces that come with wealth: greed and poverty.Â
Magical use of FEHU
 can use Fehu in a practical aspect to stabilize our magic and reduce the chances of backfire and side effects.
For added protection
do not make the mistake of trying to find a loophole to Gampâs Principle Exception of Wealth with this rune.
 URUZ
Aurochs [horned cattle], water
Bravery, strength
Schreiber noted the pictographic translation to be that of a Graphorn, which is incidentally the symbol for the number two in arithmancy.
Merkstave, Uruz speaks of slowness, dullness, and potentially even cowardice depending on how it is combined with other runes.
Magical uses of Uruz
can be used to bolster and enhance the effects of a spell, though precautions must be taken as side effects can also be juiced up. For this reason it is not uncommon to find Fehu and Uruz inscribed together.
I feel itâs important to note while itâs still early in your magical career that you should be very careful with the kind of magic you are doing. Nothing exists in a vacuum, and every spell has some consequence, whether you are aware of it or not. This is the Law of Unintended Consequences, and it states that every action has some unintended or unforeseen reaction that may be positive (i.e. luck, goodwill), negative (backfire, unnecessary harm), or neutral (the benefits and negatives cancel each other out). It is vital to keep this in mind with all of your spellwork but with runes especially; you will come across examples and texts throughout your time in this course where misuse of runes has resulted in some very unfortunate circumstances, and you would be wise to learn all you can to avoid following in those footsteps.
 THURISAZ
Giants jotun
Thor, god
magical use of Thurisaz is associated with change, constructive conflict, and defense.
To strengthen offensive spells
Strong defense
Schreiberâs corrections tell us that the standard form of this rune is used to denote the giant race, and it has been used in this sense on maps to mark the territories of giants. This use eventually became so common that the rune assumed the more general meaning of danger as well.
Merkstave, Thurisaz represents unbridled destruction and danger, as well as unresolved conflict. Thurisaz is most commonly used in its merkstave form to bolster defensive spells and decrease destruction caused by offensive spellwork. As noted in your textbook, this requires a great deal of skill and concentration as the defensive spellcaster must keep both the spell and the rune in mind while building the defenses.
ANSUZ
Aesir God or gods
Spiritual magical
Higher power
Merkstave, Ansuz speaks to delusion and misunderstanding, and it may be used in conjunction with memory and befuddlement charms to increase their effectiveness. However, when used on Muggles, Ansuz can cause the spell to overpower the mind and leave the recipient generally incapable of higher cognitive functioning. It was declared illegal by the Ministry of Magic in 1939
Magical use of Ansuz
divinatory tools and spell craft. It may also increase the effects of communicative devices
RAIDO
To ride
Journey
Raido is significant in the use of magical transportation, and the original portkeys were in fact small rune stones inscribed with Raido that allowed witches and wizards to travel from one village to the next. Raido does not just represent physical journeys, but also spiritual and life journeys.
Upright, it may indicate positive changes while merkstave may represent chaos or stagnancy. As with all runes, read Raido in context with other runes to understand the precise meaning.
Raidoâs magical effect is most notable in transportation spells, as it helps to stabilise them. It can, for example, reduce the effect of Portkey-sickness if inscribed onto the Portkey before activation. Unfortunately however, there is no evidence to suggest that Raido reduces the risk of splinching while Apparating.Â
Kenaz
ďżź
     Standard       Merkstave   Variant
Schreiber follows the Muggle interpretation for Kenaz, which is disease, and extends it to also include magical maladies. There is some speculation in the divinatory aspects, however, that may suggest a more accurate reading is âtorchâ (we will talk more about this particular rune and its divergent meanings next year), but when it comes to using Kenaz in spellwork, the primary effects noticed are in relation to health and disease.
Like Thurisaz, Kenaz is used mostly in its merkstave (rightward-facing) form to promote vigour, health, illumination, and creativity. Used upright (or leftward-facing) in its standard form, Kenaz associates itself with weakness, ill health (often mentally), and confusion. Â
ďżź
Kenaz lends itself to potion creation more so than wand work. For hundreds of years, potioneers have carved the rune into cauldrons and phials, and even St. Mungoâs has Kenaz placed around the wards to promote health. It has been suggested that the late Potions Master, Severus Snape, used Kenaz to enhance the efficacy of several of his signature potions. Certainly for anyone desiring to become a healer, this rune may be of great use when performing your duties. (In the picture to the right, we see Kenaz upright, which suggests the brewer had ill-intent.)
Gebo
ďżź
Gebo, as the Muggles understand it, means âgift.â Sophia Schreiber opted to leave interpretation of this rune open, as little is known or understood about Gebo. âGiftâ is possibly an all-inclusive word for theorized interpretations such as sacrifice, companionship, and generosity; those are generally the accepted understandings.
Merkstave, Gebo may represent the dark side of these qualities: greed, loneliness, and selfishness. In an effort to make our lives more difficult as translators, upright and merkstave Gebo look exactly the same, and translating this rune correctly requires a great amount of context.
Using Gebo in spellwork is not recommended. Runologists are still arguing over the practical aspects of this rune and nobody is quite sure of the effect it has. In my own research, I suspect it was used in spellwork during times of perfect planetary alignment, possibly with human sacrifice to seal the work. Since all of these forces are incredibly powerful, these were spells most likely meant to bring destruction to rival civilizations or influence the course of history within a kingdom. As such, you should never use Gebo in your work, lest some undesired consequences result.
Wunjo
ďżź
Upright             Merkstave      Variant
Schreiber and the Muggles both agree on the basic interpretation of Wunjo: joy. This rune deals specifically with emotional states, and healers at St. Mungoâs often place Wunjo in wards with mentally unstable patients to bring calm, happiness, fellowship, and clarity.
Merkstave, Wunjo represents the opposite: sorrow, anger, delirium, and debilitating mania. Wunjo works to enhance any spell that requires emotion to function, such as the Patronus Charm (which requires happy memories).
There have been several instances throughout history of Wunjo being used, both positively and negatively. It is said that the former Headmaster Albus Dumbledore placed the upright Wunjo around his office, causing a sense of calm and happiness to overtake those who entered. On the other end, Morgan le Fay, the infamous witch of the Middle Ages, is rumored to have used the merkstave Wunjo to depress those around her, ensuring her total power during her reign. From the tale of a rebellion mounted against her, we can learn that upright Wunjo can effectively cancel out merkstave Wunjo, allowing whole peoples and areas to immediately begin to feel like themselves.
 Conclusion
We have yet again come to the end of another lesson. Remember that your midterm will be held after the lesson next week. You will have time to study, and it will be open note. Next week we will cover runes 13-18, which you will also be tested on in a separate quiz. Before I see you next week, take a look at Chapter Four: Heimdallâs aett. For today, you have a quiz on the runes we studied as well as the vocabulary covered in this lesson.
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Vocabulary
Aett: Set of eight runes dedicated to one particular Germanic god. There are three aettir in the Elder Futhark.
Freya: The Norse goddess of beauty and fertility.
Law of Unintended Consequences: Every action has an unforeseen positive, neutral, or negative effect.
Merkstave: Â Literally âdark stickâ; refers to a rune drawn or shown in an inverted or mirrored position.
Standard or Upright: The normal form of the rune.
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Image credits: Rae Elliot (horn, cauldron on table)
Original lesson written by Professor Genesis Starfight
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190. Someone told me once that to create true art you must be willing to bleed and let others watch. (with Jackcrutchie please? Also what ships are you okay with writing so we know which ones we should send in, if you dont mind me asking? )
[Iâm comfortable writing pretty much anything! The only people I write together exclusively are Jack and Crutchie (I wonât write Javid or Crutchie/Spot, for example.) But other than that, send me whatever! This piece has a trigger warning. They is a little bit of talk of self harm. No graphic depictions or anything, but itâs there.]
190. Someone told me once that to create true art you must be willing to bleed and let others watch.
Art had always been Jackâsescape. The feeling of paper beneath his hands, watching his feelings come tolife on the page in front of him. Swirling colors together, putting them ontothe canvas. It was a comfort, a way to express the things that had happened tohim when he was young.
Jack hadnât always beencalled Jack. When he was young, he had been called a different name, a wrongname. He had felt wrong too. His mom had made it better. She didnât care whathe wanted to be called. She called him Jack and she loved him so much, givinghim crayons to express himself. Everything changed when she died. Suddenly hewas Jessica again and his mommy was gone. He felt wrong again. The dresses hisfoster families forced him into, the name they called him, the pronouns theyused, it was all wrong and horrible. He lashed out, he was angry at the world. Therewas one family that was worse than the others. They were sugary sweet when hissocial worker was around, but when she left they were horrible. They made himgo to âcounselingâ which was really just their pastor telling Jack that if hedidnât stop pretending he was a boy, he would go to Hell. They forced him towear dresses and skirts every day. The worst thing they did, however, was takeaway his art. He wasnât allowed anything that could write in his room. If hehad homework, he had to do it sitting at the kitchen table. He turned tounhealthy ways of coping. The scars that remained on his arms and legs wereevidence of this. When his social worker found out, she went ballistic. She gotJack out of that house and he was placed in a new home, his forever home.
Meddaâs house was sodifferent. The first day he arrived, he knew that within minutes of walkingthrough the door. Jack had his own room, to start. His desk was the highlight.It had art supplies on it. Not a ton, just colored pencils and charcoal. But itwas so much more than he had been able to have in years. He started high schooland he was able to enroll in Drawing and Painting. It was life changing. Histeacher was amazing, he encouraged Jack in everything he did. He pushed him tobecome a better artist. When Jack set his sights on the Rhode Island School ofDesign, he half expected his teacher to laugh at him. Instead, he helped Jackdevelop his portfolio.
âArt,â Mr. Denton toldJack, âis being willing to bleed and let others watch.â
Jack took those words toheart. He drew what had happened to him all those years ago, reopening woundsthat had scabbed over long ago. He drew faint memories of his mother, based onthe few pictures he had left of her. He drew his world during the time he hadnâtbeen able to draw. He was accepted on a full scholarship. Those four yearschanged Jack. He saw art differently after it and he did art differently. Hecould see more than just the shapes and lines that made up a piece. He couldsee the unbridled emotion, the pain, the joy that went into each piece. Hisemotions fueled his art, pushing him to do better, to share in an intimate withpeople what had happened to him. That didnât pan out as a career at first. Hehad no idea what to do with his degree after he graduated. He did politicalcartoons for an online magazine, took commissions online, and worked other oddjobs. The starving artist was a reality for him, there were many days when allhe could have to eat was a package of ramen. When a gallery contacted him aboutshowcasing his pieces, he was floored. A professor had recommended him. So hehad gotten to work. He only had half the amount of drawings he needed and onlya quarter of the paintings. His first opening was nothing less than a success.He sold all his paintings and nearly all his drawings. After that, itsnowballed. More galleries wanted to show his work and more people wanted to buyit. He was a success, in almost everyoneâs eyes. He didnât have to work oddjobs to make ends meet, he moved into a better apartment, he didnât have to worryabout going hungry.
It was four years afterhe graduated college that Jackâs life turned upside down. It was a galleryopening, full of stuffy people that Jack couldnât stand. He had to wear a suit,which made him uncomfortable. He was never good at this side of things. Hisstudio, in paint covered clothes, thatâs where he shined. He stood in thecorner, nursing some drink probably worth more than Jackâs entire outfit. Hewent back out to mingle after a moment, tugging on his tie gently.
âWouldnât do that if Iwere you. People will think you donât belong.â A voice said behind him, lightand teasing.
Jack turned, searchingfor the source. His eyes landed on a sandy haired man that looked to be aroundthe same age as him, dressed far too casually to be a guest. He was wearing agrey blazer with a white t shirt underneath, along with jeans and a pair ofconverse. Jack noticed the camera, then the press badge around his neck. Aphotographer. âMaybe I donât. Maybe I snuck in.â
The man laughed. âConsideringthat your signature is on the corner of all the paintings, I highly doubt it.âHe held his hand out. âCharlie Morris, but you can call me Crutchie.â It was onlythen that Jack noticed the silver crutch tucked under his arm. The man-Crutchie- grinned. âYouâre wondering if itâs demeaning. Yes, but itâs betterthan having people call me it behind my back.â
Jack nodded slowly. âMakessense. How did you recognize me, Crutchie?â
Crutchie shrugged. âIâvebeen to a couple of your gallery openings before. Iâm a fan.â
Jack nodded again and glancedat the time. There was still an hour and a half before he got to make his exit.He looked around the room, observing the people. Most were rich, boring snobsonly there because they wanted to appear cultured. There was the occasionalcollege student, some obviously forced there by a professor but also some wholooked genuinely interested in the art. It was always an interesting blend ofpeople at these things, people from totally separate worlds colliding over onecommon thing. He heard the click of a camera and turned back to Crutchie.
Crutchie shrugged. âSorry,itâs my job. My editor would kill me if I didnât come back with at least onegood shot of you, considering Iâve been to three of your openings and gottennone.â
Jack nodded again, takinga sip of his drink. âNo worries.â He sat down on one of the benches, pattingthe space beside him. âWant to interview me too?â
Crutchie sat down, shakinghis head with a laugh. âNo, not that type of reporter. Iâd rather capture themoment in a picture than in words.â
Jack looked over. âThatâsâŚoddlybeautiful.â
Crutchie grinned. âIâvegot a knack for oddly beautiful.â He snapped a picture of the crowd gathered infront of one painting. It was one of Jackâs favorites. It depicted the sunsetting over the city of Santa Fe. Jack had traveled there the previous yearand loved it. The air felt cleaner, the people were friendly. It was sodifferent from New York, with its constant hustle and bustle. He loved the citybut he often wondered what it would be like to live somewhere else, somewherecalm. The rest of the night passed much like that, Jack and Crutchie makingidle chatter while Crutchie took pictures of the art, the people, and Jack. Atthe end of the night, Jack felt slightly disappointed. Usually he tried tosneak out early but he stayed until the end, Crutchie making the time passquickly.
âThanks. Tonight wasactually fun.â Jack said as they collected their coats. âCrutchieâŚcan I getyour number? Maybe we could get a cup of coffee or something.â
Crutchie grinned. âThoughtyouâd never ask.â They exchanged numbers and went their separate ways. Thatnight, Jack began a new piece. It was a depiction of two men standing closetogether, all while a crowd swirled around them.
One coffee date turnedinto two and then three and then they turned into dinner dates until finally,almost two months later, Jack asked Crutchie to be his boyfriend. They werelaying on Jackâs couch one night, Jack nearly asleep. Crutchie was staring athis laptop, looking at something quite intently. Jack didnât know what. Hishead was pillowed against Crutchieâs chest, curled between the other manâslegs.
âJack?â Crutchieâs voicebroke the silence, one hand stroking through Jackâs dark hair gently. âCan Iask you something?â
âMhmâŚâ Jack mumbled,pressing his lips to Crutchieâs neck.
âIâŚIâm looking at yourpaintings.â Crutchie bit his lip. âWhy are some of them soâŚdark?â
Jack sat up then, lookingat Crutchieâs laptop. One of his older paintings was on the screen. A youngboy, trying to climb out of a hole while dark hands pulled him down. He wincedslightly. He hadnât told Crutchie anything about his past, not really. He knewJack was adopted and that he was transgender, but that was the extent of it. Jacktook a deep breath, trying to figure out how much he should say.
âSomeone told me oncethat to create true art you must be willing to bleed and let others watch. IâŚIwas four when my mom died.â Jack began. âShe was a good mom, Crutchie. She didnâtcare when I said I was a boy, she encouraged me even. She called me Jack. She lovedme. When she died, I was too young to really understand. I just knew that shewas gone and I had to live with other people. People who werenât as nice aboutthings. They called me Jessica and made me wear dresses and stuff. That wasmost of my foster families, I went through quite a few. The worst was when Iwas twelve. TheyâŚThey made me go to therapy, which was just their stupid pastortelling me that if I didnât stop my âsinning waysâ Iâd go to Hell. They made mego to their church every Sunday and I had to wear dresses and skirts to schoolevery day. The mom did my hair with these stupid bows and she put makeup on me.TheyâŚThey took away my art. I wasnât even allowed to doodle. If I did, I wasgrounded for a week. They thought that art was driving me away from God. SoâŚIstarted hurting myself. That went on for about a year. My social worker foundout and she got me out. Thatâs when I went to live with Mom.â His voice wasshaking slightly, he had sat up fully and his head was bent, staring at theground with his hands clasped in front of him. It was easier than looking atCrutchie.
âWhen I started schoolafter I went to live with Mom, I got to take art classes. The art teacher wasamazing. Mr. Denton. He cared about me. Heâs the entire reason I kept doingart, heâs the reason I got into school. Without him, I wouldnât be who I amtoday. Heâs the one who told me that I had to use my pain in my art. Thatâs whysome of my stuff is so dark. That pain, IâŚI have to try and expose it. Everytime I draw or paint or anything, I have to try.â Tears were swimming in hiseyes, he tried to hold them back.
Crutchie was silent for amoment. He slowly set his laptop on the coffee table, then wrapped his armsaround Jack. âJackâŚâ
âIâm sorry.â Jack mumbled.He pulled away and wiped his eyes. âI shouldnât have laid all that on you.â
âJack, Iâm yourboyfriend. Iâve laid plenty on you.â Crutchie brought his hand up and wipedJackâs eyes carefully. âThatâs what Iâm here for.â He kissed Jack softly then,pulling him closer. âI love you.â
Jack froze. They had beendating for three months and hadnât yet said those words. Jack knew though thathe loved Crutchie. On a certain level he thought that maybe he had fallen inlove with Crutchie that first night, at the gallery opening. âI love you too.âHe murmured, turning and kissing Crutchie more firmly. He clung to Crutchie,the only person he had expressed to in words everything that he tried to say inhis art.
Over the next  few years, artcritics and fans would debate a change in Jack Kellyâs style. It was lighter,happier. The colors were more vibrant. It was a subtle shift, something thathappened over a long period of time. Most people liked it, some didnât. Jack couldnât care less either way. Theyall seemed to agree that Jackâs change seemed centered on a person, a blonde man whofeatured in his sketches and paintings often.
#jackcrutchie#jack#jack kelly#Crutchie#crutchie morris#charlie morris#newsies#fansie#fansies#newsie#carrying the banner#king of new york#tw self harm#my fic
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Dia de Los Muertos
Day of The Dead: A Celebration Iâll start off by saying that I canât give any formative opinions on my Dia de Los Muertos experience because I didnât experience much of it. (Albeit seeing a few dressed up people here and there). I spent it like a miser in his cave, watching people enjoy it from afar. And there was some aspects I couldnât get to grips with. Like leaving food outside or leaving it to not be eaten. This, in my home country, is the ultimate sin. Because of our experience with the famine in Ireland, despite having similar harvest traditions and catholic syncretism (which I will talk about), leaving uneaten food is something we could not capably do, even if we tried. Honestly, I donât have much interest in the ritual itself, although I can appreciate its significance for Mexico and what it teaches us about the melding of two disparate cultures. It relates a lot to my own Samhain festival in Ireland, which is largely believed to be the main precursor to Halloween. Dia de Los Muertos is a three-day celebration which is philosophically about the continuation of someoneâs existence past their physical state into an Otherworld. The motivation behind these celebrations is that it gives Mexicans an opportunity to share collective pain by subversively making it a joyous occasion, to communicate to their dead children and relatives, to retain pre-conquistador traditions, and to syncretize with the modern Halloween. Of course it is difficult to say if the motivations of people can solely be this, as rituals are collective but subjective experiences. By this I mean, while the main rituals exist, the ofrendas, the pan de los muertos, etc, there is a communal acknowledgement that this is fundamentally about loss, and the salvation of immortal existence. The Ancient tradition used to be celebrated much earlier; and for a month. Which is why I think the catholic syncretism was so successful. It was successful because perhaps it was a sensitive subject for many, and the replication and intervention of catholic entities would have been a very fluid process, I imagine, like the replacement of saints for deities. Of course, the Spanish had the paradoxical problem of coming up against something which was stateless, well, at least a state that they were not used to. The traditions of the pre-Conquistador people were in fact ubiquitous and not as uniform or regimented as the Spanish had experienced with their own religion. And of course, the Catholic dominance as a European equivalent meant that they were accustomed to the powerhouse of the church exercising total control, whereas the complexity and depth and detail of Mexicoâs practices made it difficult to understand what or who they were. My own personal cultural experience of this is Catholic intervention in a Celtic society such as Ireland. The polytheistic complexity of our rituals and our similar view of the afterlife meant Christianity had to syncretize a lot of the traditions. The pagan propitiation of the Aos Si (evil fairies basically), was replaced with a reproduction and reigniting of Catholic saints. Of course, Iâm glad that the methods of spiritual propitiation retain today, in Mexico and in Ireland. The whole world still likes the idea of Halloween coming into contact with our native cultures simultaneously. And it is simultaneously. I kind of like the idea that the modern, more pop culture equivalent of everything can exist alongside the older traditions. The Halloween we know is an obvious commercialization of the ideal Harvest fest, making it a thing of horror and fright. Which is also funny because it is a kind of petulant outlook on the whole affair. One thing I love about Dia de Los Muertos is that it is a very unashamed view of the whole affair of death. While other cultures are more grave, Mexico has this wonderful, unbridled celebratory attitude towards the afterlife and the conclusion of this current reality. The European equivalent is about concealing the flesh and concealing the idea that the dead were human. Here, skulls decorate everything and skeletons dance in joy. That difference is truly fascinating to me. Had Catholicism been totally allowed to dominate, perhaps we would have a different and more grave festival. But perhaps it has. One of my biggest sadnessâs was when I was once walking through a shopping center along the Paseo de la Reforma. They had instantly replaced an ofrenda with a giant, absurdly big Christmas tree. Iâm reluctant to be a blue pill taker in all this, but come on. Could you be more obvious about your neo-liberal agenda? Itâs a shame cultures and traditions get sidelined to be replaced by the falsity of the modern world. Perhaps Christmas has more significance here, but Iâm reluctant to say people care anymore. I donât think they do. Perhaps with our more engorged sense of identities we have no room for the traditions of the past. But then I saw Coco, and all is well. Perhaps the transition of rituals from one form to the other is the only way they can feasibly exist, albeit as a version slightly different to its predecessor. I was told that the skullface thing is a relatively new concept, but could you imagine this festival without it? For me, alteration is good provided it is done with the original intent in mind. With the skullmasks I see what Dia de Los Muertos sets out to achieve; making the barrier between alive and dead more permeable. It is an ironic and clever interpretation of a preexisting and ancient practice, and the original beauty of this festival loses nothing as a result. It is the inevitability of change.
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Reunion (a short story)
  Henry throws on his favorite shirt, a concert tee that he got at an Arlo Guthrie concert some years back. Pulling the shirt over his head, he eyes the bottle of ale that sits on the kitchen table. Reaching out with his left hand he grabs the bottle and takes a long pull from it. Friday night and not a thing going on. Luckily.   With the drink in his hand he walks over to the living room window and takes a peak at the great outdoors. Folks arriving for a CYO event at the school across the street. Looks like a basketball game as he spies on the young girls showing up in their cheerleader outfits. Some adults walking in and a young man about 20 has his head stuck into his cell phone, texting as he moves straight ahead. Henry closes the curtain tight and walks away quite glad that he is not playing a game of basketball tonight. As much as he complains about the loneliness of his life, he has adapted to it and some nights, such as tonight, he is glad for his solitude lifestyle.    The television is on but thankfully muted while the record player spins the vinyl album around at 33 and a third. A collector of sorts, he stops and stares at his records. A massive amount that must be well into the thousands. His father started him out young to the pleasures of music and he never looked back. His dad left him his old records from the 40's to the 70's when he passed away. Alphabetized, he goes down to one knee to look through the Z's. Pulling out Frank Zappa's first album he takes the record from its sleeve and stares at the grooves that the needle reads. Henry can, and will spend hours now gazing at his collection with pride bursting up through his soul. Nothing can or will make him as happy as rummaging through these records and trips to the Salvation Army for more is his true joy in life.    Stopping only to gather up a plate of nacho's and a few beers, Henry has just spent the complete Friday night alone with his records. He plans to leave the house tomorrow morning for a trip to the local hotel where a huge record sale will be going down. Once a month there is a gathering of all types of venders selling off their albums and other music related items. Henry looks forward to this with unbridled glee. He takes to the computer and after seeing there was not one email waiting for him he begins to compile a list of albums that he must have and hopefully he will be able to find them there. Some records he just never stops looking for. Years and years he has waited for somebody to sell them off. A Beatles record nicknamed the Butcher Album due to the cover showing the Fab Four dressed as butchers covered in raw meat and doll parts. A true and rare collector's item. He saw one once when he was visiting his sister in California. He had it in his hands and as he always does, he smelled the inside of the cover. There really is nothing finer than the scent of an old record Henry believed. The asking price for the album was a hefty 1000 bucks which he did not have at the time. He has saved up for the day it would appear to him again. He would not miss out on it twice.   With the need to take a piss Henry, drunk now, as he always is on the weekends, stumbles to the bathroom. Holding on for dear life he lets out a long sigh and out of the blue the telephone rings. He usually unplugs the fucking thing on the weekends but he must have forgotten.  The answering machine pick up. It is a woman's voice and it is unfamiliar. Without washing his hands, Henry walks to the bedroom to hear the voice say goodbye and then the tape rewinds. Who the fuck could that be? Henry presses play and he listens in carefully.  "I'm looking for Henry Coda. If this is the wrong number I apologize but I really want to find him. This is Anna Baez. I went to school with Henry back in the 80's and I would like to invite him to our schools 25th anniversary. It's this upcoming weekendâŚseven days from now and it will be a ball. So Henry, please if you could join us at the school at 7 in the gymnasium⌠I would be thrilled to see you again. We all would. It will be a blast. I hope this is the right number. Call me at 722-5733 to let me know if you can come. Thanks and goodbye."   Christ. Anna Baez. Henry takes a long drink from the bottleâŚkilling it and he heads to the bookshelf to pull out his senior yearbook. The cover says Binghamton Central High School. It has been years since he has looked at this thing. He takes a seat on his bed and opens the book. He flips through the pages with a bored look on his face until he comes to the page he wants. Under his nose is a picture of Anna. A blonde beauty that was quite popular in school. Unlike Henry she excelled in school, running for class president and winning. A cheerleader and if he remembered correctly, she was crowned prom queenâŚa prom in which Henry did not attend. His book was signed a few times and he reads a few. "Have a great summer HenryâŚsee you at the college." "Henry, keep playing that guitar and I am certain you'll be top of the pops in no time." "You are one weird fellow man. Don't change."   Henry never ended up going to the local community college and he never made it to the top of the charts. He was still weird and he has barely changed since the 80's. He closed the book and placed it back on the shelf. He remained on the bed thinking of school. How he hated it and most of the kids thereâŚexcept for one girlâŚNancyâŚor Nan for short. Nan, he had the biggest teenage crush on. She was always friendly with him but she was dating the same guy from their freshman year right up to the senior year. They were friendsâŚshe was kind to him and although her boyfriend hated him she didn't care. She was nice. Rising from the bed he began to think about her. Nan, I wonder if you are even still alive and if you are I bet you have fourteen kids and a beefcake husband. He wandered out of his room and made it to the kitchen to grab a fresh beer. Cracking it open he heard the needle hit the label on the record he was playing and he knew it was time to flip it over.   Playing the Stones now he could not get his mind off of that girl. Nan. Henry hardly left his house for any kind of social event. Skipping family reunions and the like. But thisâŚthis could beâŚinteresting. He wanted to see Nan and that was the only thing that made him pick up the phone to call Anna back.   She answered right away and sounded genuinely pleased to hear from him. She told him that he was all set. That it was to be a casual party and that he could bring a friend or spouse if he wanted to. Henry asked how many people have signed up to go and she told him that it will be a packed event. "Expect at least a hundred kids to be there. It will be lots of fun. And Henry, feel free to bring some of those records of yours with you. I bet we would all like to hear them." After saying goodbye and hanging up Henry crawled into bed and found himselfâŚdrunk and daydreaming about Nan and just what he could say to her. It made him nervous just thinking about it and soon he blocked it out and fell asleep with the full bottle of beer next to his head. âââââââââââââââââââââââââââââââ           After about four beers Henry was ready to leave for the reunion. Dressed in khakis and a seersucker shirt he bent down to tie his shoes when he felt the urge to throw up come over him. He ran to the kitchen sink and made it just in time. Four beers down the drain, all sudsy and wiping tears from his eyes he went to swig some mouthwash around in the bathroom.    Outside now Henry tucked the cuffs of his pants into his socks and jumped onto his bicycle. The school was only a few blocks away and it was a pleasant night. He had no intention of trying to impress anyone there. His bike was fine and he enjoyed riding it more than driving anyway.    Along the way there his nerves grew worse and he checked the time on the side of the bank on the corner. 7:15. He was late and he did not care. He toyed with the idea of not showingâŚno one would miss him anyway but NanâŚhe was dying to see what became of her. He stopped his bike in front of the tavern Rocco's and parking his bike on the side of the building. He went in. "Henry! Long time no see my friend. How goes it?" Rocco extended his hand and Henry shook it with a weak smile on his face. "Get me a cold one please Rocco. Lord knows I need one tonight" "What's the big occasion? You got a hot date tonight? If you do, bring her here. I'd love to see the kind of girl you could pick up Henry."    The bartender, a black guy with muscles that would put Schwarzenegger to shame cracked the top off the bottle of Bud and handed it to Henry. He took hold of it and brought it to his mouth and drained half of it in a mere two seconds. His eyes darted around but he found himself slowly calming down. The television above the bar was on showing some soccer match and the jukebox was playing the old Turtles tune.. .'Happy Together.' "Henry, it's been a while, a few days now perhaps since you last walked into my establishment. What's been happening to you? You depressed? Did a fire destroy your record collection or something?" "No. Just been busy is all. Listen Rocco, I need your advice here. I'm now headed to my 25th reunion at school and I am rather nervous about it all. There is a girl thereâŚor a woman now and I really want to talk to her but I am a social dud. I have no idea what to say to her. What's a good ice breaker? Something that won't make me look like a total dick head. Just a little dick head." Rocco smiled and said " Ah Henry, you seeing an old flame tonight? Some girl who used to give you hand jobs in the basement? Something like that eh?" "NoâŚnot at all. Just a girl who I was friendly with. Though I have to admit that I dreamed of her and those hands giving me some relief. I don't know. I can't think of what to say to her when I see her. I need your help here."  Rocco pulled up a stool and thought for a while. "What did you guys used to talk about in school? Back then. What did you talk about?" Henry thought for a while and he said `music.' "Ok, then you talk about that. Just say that you heard an old song on the radio and that it made you think of her. She'll be pleased to hear thisâŚhopefully and there you go. You'll be off to the races." "But I never listen to the radioâŚall those commercials and that terrible hip hop music they play now a daysâŚIt gives me a headâŚ" âThen, forget the radio partâŚjust say you heard a songâŚsomewhere⌠and it made you think of her. Just wing it from there. She'll want to know what song and then you'll be in a real conversation and I bet it will be the first one with a woman for quite some time. Am I right?" Henry sighed and took a drink from the bottle. "Yeah, music, that's kinda what I had planned on anyway." "That's all you ever talk about actually Henry. This is the first conversation we've had that wasn't about music or music related. You must really be nervous." "Yeah, I am. What time is it Rocco?" "7:30." "Shit, I gotta go. Thanks for the help. I appreciate it, man."   Rocco wished him good luck and said that if he gets lucky with the girl to bring her over to the bar so he could see what all this nervousness was all about. Henry killed his beer and slammed the bottle down on the bar with a determined thud. He stood and with a wave left the bar and found his bike waiting for him. He climbed aboard and began his trek to the school. ââââââââââââââââ-    Inside the gymnasium it was sweltering. He was informed at the front desk, where old Anna Baez was sitting, that the air conditioners were on the fritz and to expect it to be a little warm in there. Warm? It was horrible. Henry went immediately to the bar and ordered a beer. A nice cold beer would really hit the spot and maybe calm his nerves a bit.   Drinking, he looked down to his name tag. Henry. Who the hell is going to remember me anyway? This is a mistake. He had a few friends in high school and they all went to universities and left him in his hometown alone and friendless. Sure, he knew some of the guys and gals at the record conventions but he wouldn't be able to really call them friends. He was a lonely guy who simply loved his records and beer. He looked up and watched all the people milling around and some dancing. A few guys whom he recognized as old jocks were standing at the bar, drinking and laughing, without a care in the world. Henry felt the sweat dripping down his back and he flapped his shirt a few times to get some air in there. His ears pricked up when he heard a Duran Duran song playing and he was just about to head over to the DJ booth to talk to the guy about his CD's when he saw Nan walk in. The light from the gym was weak at best but he knew it was her although he could not read her name tag. My goodnessâŚthere she is he thought to himself. I'll just wait for a while to let her mingle with the people that she really wanted to see and then, then he would walk up to her and reintroduce himself to her.     Henry wiped his brow with the back of his hand and struck up a conversation with the DJ. They shot the shit for a few minutes when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned around and saw Nan smiling ear to ear. "Henry CodaâŚmy GodâŚyou look exactly the same. You really do. My goodnessâŚhow are you?"    Henry's shirt was sopped with sweat as he opened his mouth to return her greeting when a group of guys walked up to Nan and began to talk excitedly to her. Henry shrunk back to the DJ booth and just stood there watching them enjoying their conversation. I wish I was normal he thought to himself. I wish I could talk and feel carefree with others. Instead I am a sweating fool all alone with social anxiety and a drinking problem. He took a swig from his plastic cup and turned around to stare at the wall.   A few minutes passed while a Van Halen song played. Henry began to recall the time he had bought the album which this song came from when he heard a woman's voice say something. He turned around to see Nan staring at him. "HelloâŚanyone home? I've been trying to get your attention for a minute now silly. Daydreaming about music I bet. This Van Halen song sure brings back the memories don't you think?" "I was just playing this song a few days ago actually. All in all it's a great album with very little filler. Sure, a few of the songs aren't all that great on it but not many records from that period were masterpieces. You know what I mean?" Nan smiled at him and told him that he has not changed all that much from 25 years ago. Henry smiled and tried hard to think of something to say to her. He decided to ask her about her life now but she spoke first. "So tell me HenryâŚtell me about your life. Are you married? Is your rock and roll wife around here somewhere?" "Wife? Ha, noâŚNo wife. Never. Never was married. You?" "Well, remember Davey? My boyfriend in school? We married after college and 10 months later we were divorced. Still to this day I have no idea what went wrong but that band of gold on my finger just cursed us. It was something else, I'll tell you, I won't be walking down the aisle again, you can count on that." Henry looked down at her finger and even in the bad light he could see that she was not sporting a wedding ring. "Gee, I'm sorry about that Nan. GeezeâŚwill he be here tonight? Davey?" "No, he moved to Washington State after our divorce was finalized. I haven't seen him in years now. No kidsâŚthank God." "OhâŚwell that's good I guessâŚdivorce can really be hard on kids; at least that's what I've read in magazines and all. SoâŚyou live around here?" Nan answered his questions and boy was there a lot of them. Henry at times felt like he was interviewing the poor girl but he really had nothing else to say to her so he asked questions. Query after query but she didn't seem to mind at all. They talked for a while when he realized he was in dire need of a drink. He tried to back step a bit to get closer to the bar hoping that she would follow himâŚslowly but two steps back into his plan she stood right there, not moving an inch. He would have to ask her if she would like a refill on her wineâŚor what appeared to be wine. Maybe it was punch. It was red and that was all he could tell. In a break in the conversation he asked her if she would like a refill and that he could really go for a cold beer in this stifling heat. "I know! It's so hot in hereâŚI can't stand it. Want to go outside for a bit? I could use some fresh air and besidesâŚand don't tell anyone but I am dying for a cigarette." "Outside? Certainly. I'd like that. I'm beginning to melt in here. Please just let me refill my beer here. Can you wait?" She nodded her head and Henry went to get a beer. Turning to Nan he asked her if she was good. She replied that another cup of wine would be great and she handed him her now empty cup. "âŚA nice cold Michelob and a wine please Jerry."   The bartender filled up the two glasses and they headed outside. On the way to the front doors Nan was greeted with many hellos. Henry couldn't remember her being so popular in school. It was mighty crowded and Nan grabbed his arm and pulled him along and he was happy to be lead away out of there. Outside the cool air was a Godsend. They both needed the cool night air on their hot skin. "Now this is much better, don't you think Henry? So, tell me nowâŚback in school you loved music more than anyone I've ever known. You ever made a career of it? You in a band or anything?" He felt like he was letting her down as he went on to say that not only was he not in a band but that as a career he chose media marketing. "What exactly is that Henry?" "You know those jingles you hear on the radio? I write them. I make commercials for the radio and television." "Oh my, how interestingâŚanything I would know?" "You know Champs Fried Chicken? The chain of chicken places? Well that one ad..the one that goes:
`ChampsâŚis the place to be when your down and hungry, a dollar 99 is all you got? you'll dig our chicken, you'll dig it a lot.'
I wrote that." "Holy shit Henry, I know that song! It's the catchiest tune like ever! WowâŚI'm with a celebrity here!" "HaâŚwellâŚit pays the bills. It's not going to get me a gold record but I suppose I can't complain." "Well, I think it's awesomeâŚsimply awesome Henry. I'm not as famous as you but I guess my job is okâŚI sell real estate in North Carolina. I'm not rich or anything but like you, I can pay the bills."   Henry found himself relaxing a bit. The cool night air did him well and he found that he could keep up his end of the conversation. He went in a few times to refill their drinks. He was feeling alright by the time of his 7th beer of the night and Nan was really knocking the wine back. They talked about many things and a few people even recognized him as they made their way out of the gym to return home.   Around the time of Nan's fifth cup of wine she realized that the party inside was dying down. "I should really go back inside and mingle a bit more. You wanna come along with me? There has to be other people you want to see besides me." "Not really, NanâŚin fact the only reason why I came to this high school heat wave was to see you. You were always so nice to meâŚdon't think I've forgotten it these many years later." "Oh Henry, that's so nice of you to say. ShootâŚI should go back though. You sure you don't want to come with me? I'll buy you another drink." Henry thought about it and decided not to go in. "I'm sorry Nan but it's really too hot for me in there. I'm going to head to Rocco's for a nice air conditioned beer." "Sounds splendid. OkâŚI understand. "It was nice to see you again NanâŚreally. Take care now." "I will. Thanks for visiting with me. I had a ball. Enjoy Rocco's" And with that they hugged each other goodbye and went their separate ways.
   Around 1AM Rocco was placing the chairs up on the tables when there was a knock at his front door. He checked the time on his wrist and went to tell them he was closed. Through the door he saw a woman standing there. "I'm sorry Ma'am but I'm closed now. I open at 9 if you still need a drink in the morning." The girl was swaying a bit but managed to steady herself. "Is Henry there? Henry Coda? I'm a friend of his." Rocco opened the door and told her that she just missed him. "He left about 10 minutes ago. You don't happen to be Nan are you?" "Yes..why?" "Oh boy was he going on and on about you. You made quite the impression on him tonight. He usually only talks about music but not tonight. It was Nan this and Nan that. Sorry you missed him." "Yeah, me too. Please tell him I stopped by ok?" "I will. Goodnight." And with that she turned away and headed back to her waiting taxi. âThanks for waiting. Please take me to the Serling Hotel.â  The driver nodded and turned the key in the ignition and pulled away from the tavern.  Nan, drunk⌠rummages through her purse as the taxi speeds through the early morning darkness as the car radio plays an REM song and Nan smiles to herself as she zips up her bag and quietly sings along to the tune as it plays.  Â
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Kelly Moran Interview
Kelly Moran
Photo by Timothy Saccenti
Composer, producer, keyboardist and multi-instrumentalist Kelly Moran made an early name for herself in New York collaborating with dance performance and composing for long-term John Cage collaborator Margaret Leng Tan. It was with the 2017 album Bloodroot that Kelly Moran began to reach wider attention. Now, on her Warp Records debut âUltravioletâ she continues to interpret these wealth of inspirations into a sound all her own and pulls off a nearly impossible feat: the annihilation of experimental musicâs imposing, esoteric, Ăźber-academic status quo in the name of pure, unbridled intuition, of human joy. âUltravioletâ plays to a wide, arresting array of stylistic influences: dazzling inflections of jazz and dream pop, classical composition and black metal, darkness and light, encapsulated in a single, mystifying LP⌠We talk to the delightful Kelly Moran about overcoming anxiety, running daily and her beloved cat WendyâŚ
TSH: How valuable is it between projects for you to turn your brain off and reset with a new approach towards your music?
Kelly: I think itâs good for anyone whoâs in a creative discipline to examine what their process is every couple of years. Itâs key to revisit how you approach doing things just so you donât get stuck in a rut and continue to make the same thing, which is a problem that Iâve had for years. I always had the same approach to everything and I felt like I wasnât growing as an artist. However, when writing new music lately Iâve been finding that the methods I used for âUltravioletâ are not really working for me right now. I feel like I need to constantly defamiliarise myself with my musical habits and set to default again. Itâs good to step outside of your comfort zone and see where it takes you.
TSH: Tell us more about your latest EP entitled âOriginâ...
Kelly: With the exception of one track, all of the pieces on âOriginâ came before âUltravioletâ, hence the name. This EP predates âUltravioletâ and almost all the songs are the actual demos that I improvised, recorded and had been working with. The versions of âAutowaveâ and âWater Musicâ that you hear on âOriginâ are the actual versions of those songs.
TSH: Is your music impacted much at all by the current affairs in America?
Kelly: Well, living in America, our politics have been shit for a long time. We had a bit of a break with Obama but things have been bad since Trump took office. People thought great art would arise out of the political turmoil with Trump in power, but it didnât. I find that politics in general is distracting and overwhelming for me. I need to separate from the current political state - not in a way that I donât know whatâs going on - but I have to knowingly detach in a way because if I donât, it can be really difficult to even exist because of how shit and terrible it can be out here. For me, when I pursue art and music, itâs mainly an escapism from the dregs of reality.
TSH: Does being immersed in music help you to overcome your anxiety and stress hurdles?
Kelly: At times, yes. A lot of my anxiety in the past was about performing or not reaching my potential and maybe not working hard enough, but I feel like Iâm in a good place with all these factors now. I feel very confident as a composer and with my musical abilities. It is funny though because I suddenly have a much bigger platform after being signed to Warp. I do feel more exposed to the world in many ways than I wasnât before. I am now dealing with new anxieties that I have to contend with...
TSH: What sort of issues have you been facing?
Kelly: Well, now that Iâm a little more known Iâll get a lot more weird messages from people online. For example, during the recent Warp 30 announcement I got so many random DMs and rude Twitter messages. Also, sometimes if I read the YouTube comments for my music videos people say stuff like âIs this what Warp has become? Itâs going so downhill.â Itâs weird because people never used to reach out to me to say random things like that but in the past year itâs happening more regularly. Iâm dealing with these little new problems now.
TSH: It must still be so rewarding that individuals connect with the way that you communicate your music...
Kelly: Yeah, itâs a double edged sword I guess. It is nice when people connect to my music - it really is great. I mean I try to be an accessible person on social media. I try to be very open and speak with people directly when people tweet at me or send me messages, but sometimes I do feel very emotionally drained by it. There are messages I donât want to have to respond to, in addition to the mean messages. The thing about the internet is you can get a thousand nice comments and one bad comment, but youâre gonna focus on the bad one, haha! Iâll have to just develop a thicker skin.
TSH: What do you recall about fleshing out the excellent track entitled âHelixâ?
Kelly: Like all of the pieces on the album this one started out with improvisation. The original piece I created of âHelixâ was very exploratory because I had figured out how to play piano in a more percussive way where I was alternating between my hands. This discovery of me playing the instrument in this new way led to a very minimalist pattern that drives this song. The improvisation has similar patterns to what you hear on the original version and I ended up transcribing it trying to be as accurate as possible .When I recorded it I listened back to it and streamlined it a little bit. To me, figuring out the underlying chord progressions that I was implying in addition to figuring out a bass progression really gave this piece direction and drive - it was so crucial.
TSH: Did you select âRadiantâ as the album closer quite early on?
Kelly: I kind of knew it would be the closer because I like ending albums on a gentle note. I like for the last song to be the most simple and like its saying goodnight to people - sort of like sending them off with something delicate. âUltravioletâ was already an intense record and not many of the tracks are relaxed so I wanted to give the listener a break as the record was ending. Itâs funny because the original of this track was more busy and hectic; it had more piano arpeggios and additional melodies.
TSH: How important is running to your daily life?
Kelly: Itâs very beneficial. Iâm one of those people that really strives off having a structured schedule. Unfortunately for me I picked a career that really does not enable this whatsoever, ha! For me, running is the one way that I can have this sort of consistency to my schedule. I strive for this factor, especially when I go on tour. I always bring my workout clothes and itâs an added bonus if I stay at a hotel with a gym. I just think the endorphin rush you get from running and also having a ritual a day helps me to get in the right mental space.
TSH: Are you still listening to a lot of hip-hop when you run?
Kelly: Haha! I havenât actually been listening to much hip-hop whilst running recently. Iâve been listening to Aleksi Perälä, who is on Aphex Twinâs record label, as well as K-pop and even some Miley Cyrus from the Black Mirror soundtrack.
TSH: Is it hard to leave your cat Wendy behind when you go on tour?
Kelly: It really is! Itâs definitely one of the most challenging parts for me because Iâm very attached to her and sheâs my little daughter. Unfortunately, I have a high maintenance cat who doesnât like many people - she only likes me. So I feel really guilty when I leave for my travels as I think sheâs not getting the right attention. Sheâll stay with my mom and sheâs been warming up to people but sheâs not a friendly cat at all. Iâve had her for 5 years and only been travelling for the last year or so, therefore she must be wondering whatâs going on. I never used to leave my apartment and now Iâm out of the country every month. I guess I have to earn that money if Wendyâs gonna keep eating those fancy feasts!
TSH: Being a huge figure skating fan, how proud were you to witness the great Yuzuru Hanyu win Olympic gold on your birthday?
Kelly: Yes, he won his second Olympic medal on my birthday. I remember watching him win and being like âHoly fuck! This is absolutely incredibleâ. Itâs funny because for my birthday party the next day I had a bunch of friends over and we were drinking and listening to the new Oneothrix Point Never record whilst also watching recaps of the figure skating.
TSH: What factors do you mostly consider exploring when it comes to collaboration?
Kelly: Well, there are so many artists that I look up to and respect that I would sell my right arm to collaborate with someday. When I first got signed to Warp the first thing I thought was if I ever have an opportunity to collaborate with someone else from the label that would be so cool. I basically worship everyone on this label. The kinds of collaboration that are important for me is to work with people that Iâve looked up to and who are respected. Iâm also really interested in working with people who are just completely different from me and can push me outside of my comfort zone. For my next record I want to have a few collaborators from totally different genres to enable interesting results.
TSH: What matters most with your musical endeavours as you look ahead?
Kelly: I think my biggest drive is to keep improving and to keep surpassing myself. I always try to hold myself to what my own standard is. My goal is for my next album to be even better than what Iâve put out before - I want to push myself to reach new places musically. A lot of people describe me as a pianist who does prepared piano but in the actual timeline of my musical activity prepared piano actually occupies a very small part of that timeline. Itâs really only been 3 years in my entire career that Iâve worked with prepared piano. Thereâs this part of me that wants to show people that I can do a lot more than that. As a pianist I feel really free because there are so many ways that I can translate what I do to other genres, it would be very easy for me to do techno, hip-hop or even black metal. I feel that my biggest strength is my malleability as a performer and as a composer, so I just want to show people that I have many different sides as an artist and not just one thing as people know me as now.
Kelly Moran - âIn Parallelâ
Kelly Moran - âWater Musicâ
Ultraviolet
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