#its like theyre trying to overcompensate there but

[3416]

i just feel that.. the way everyone was so liberally throwing around ‘we’re all in’ maybe we’d go a little more all in offensively? like i know in the past, the defense and goaltending has been the big complaint, but we’ve got an extremely deep blue line now and no real proven offensive skill toward the bottom should something happen up top?? IDK IDK, i think i was just ready for there to be another trade because holding onto boston’s first round pick and like. way too many dmen on a year you’re going ‘all in’ sounds incomplete to me.

[landoffreaksandfrogs]

whipped up some fancherubs and i know everything about their story and character arcs but by god am i not giving them names.

[ozymoron]

god theres this very popular style of singing that annoys the shit out of me that i hate so so much but i dont know how to convey it in text form

[titobarkvillier]

man. hate to say it but the isles play great without mat

[ghostlypawn]

mad respect to anyone whos favourite season is season 7 bc its honestly not that good you guys just like the personal moments before/after the cases

[decodedparagram]

I'm so worried. I'm so worried. Everything I see looks like "oh yeah Mr peanutbutter is such a bad person on season 5-6" "Mr peanutbutter? Yeah that jackass is as bad as Bojack" AND IM. WORRIED. I DO NOT WANT HIM TO BE A BAD PERSON. IM STARTING. TO FEEL. LIKE I RELATE TO HIM. WHAT IS THISSS

[turnstechgodhead]

ok to the anon thats talkin w me about mental eelness and bro and the "knight of time" line:

id post your entire ask but its Very Long and im struggling to answer all of it in a way that isnt fucking with my head and anxiety so im going to answer with only the character analysis stuff HERE on this post my apologies

for the record i dont even remotely know how to begin tagging this mess down here and i really think itd be better suited for my nsfw blog but yall aint asking about this on that blog which is fair take care of yourselves

JSYK it's stuff about brocal/intrusive thoughts about inc st and c s a SO kids please avert your eyes for my comfort thank YOU

i dont personally have ocd afaik but as someone who Has intrusive thoughts (actual horrifying ones that dirk, gabe and i have to beat back with a stick, not the ones kids think are intrusive thoughts today)

i definitely think that's how bro approaches raising dave; overcompensating for the accusations from his mind and cal[iborn] leading to total icing him out

okay same anon who was asking abt the “i was raising the knight of time” line. you saying “caliborn made [bro] believe that platonic affection is in fact not platonic at all and is instead sexual[the implications when bro is constantly carrying around cal with his arms around his neck btw. insane.]” is fascinating. is this based off the fact that caliborn thinks even hugging or a kiss on the cheek is “filthy?” it makes me think about ocd/bipolar disorder/misc mental illnesses and intrusive thoughts. i have bipolar and im a huge softie for kids but my intrusive thoughts sometimes try to convince me that my affection is somehow sinister.

YES very much

i need to describe to you my thoughts on brocal really quick bc i think that'll help put it in perspective and idk how else to talk about it;

heres the thing

cal is both bro's boyfriend and his fucking family okay

imagine you're a kid and you have this puppet friend that speaks to you using silly words and tells you that you should eat glass maybe :) or cut your fingers off or tear off your own head and hes the only thing thats taking care of you as a person even if hes mean

he tells you that people touching is inappropriate and vulgar and he cant believe theyre doing that in public (but its okay if we hug and cuddle you know?)

but also as you grow up this puppet starts calling you weird shit like stud or hunky or what the hell ever and maybe. youre going to kiss him

this puppet is the only thing you care about because hes the only thing that cares about you youve been with him for years and years and he talks to you and hes all that matters and now youre obsessed with him and you dont know when that happened but you have an obsessive personality anyway

youll do anything for him. (let me kill for you)

hes the only person you love because you dont love roxy this way (consuming, overwhelming, obligating to do what he wants, because he's all you have)

and well shit

if cals telling you that youre a freak for wanting to cuddle on the baby like you did that once (call it the knight it helps keep your distance) then i guess you're a fucking freak because its not even your right to treat it as family anyway; it's bigger than you. it's more than you will ever be and you need to make sure it doesn't fucking die and apparently that involves at least a little bit of affection cal please understand(what a disgusting species)

[angel---eater]

something something bro being groomed by lil cal (caliborn -> LE, caliborns Feelings[tm] about calliope, calliope describing them as siblings even tho cherubs dont have that concept) => every single strider then struggling with intrusive incest thoughts and poor judgement of normal family/friend boundaries, very much including bro

like they just dont know what those are so they overcompensate and dont try to interact with e/o at all, because even clapping e/o on the shoulder feels like a massive crossing of whats a normal family interaction. even though theyre not a normal family at ALL anyway! dave and dirk, bro and dave, a!bro and dirk, dont actually know each other. they spend the entirety of homestuck + the epilogues + beyond canon not actually knowing each other. and also not really trying because its too much, its too scary to even approach. so again, they overcompensate and dont approach at all. because any amount of intimacy no matter how benign and small feels contaminated

so then weve got dave with his list of who he knows would most likely incest-elope. which might be a joke and might be real and is probably actually both. bc dave jokes about whats bothering him like, all the time

[corey-beepington]

You're Deltarune animation got recommended to me randomly today and it was amazing! What was the Pink Addison about to say when the Blue Addison was leaving the cafe?

Thanks for enjoying. I guess this is where I dump my addison hcs.

I like to think Pink is all bark no bite, like that guy who does care but wants to look cool since hes the best seller of the addison "group" so heavily overcompensates by being well

a bit of a jerk.

But not to the other ads in his group when theyre feeling down, especially Blue who he knows has been shook since Spamton left (I hc the addisons as a polycule and Blue was especialy close with Spamton, THEY ARE NOT RELATED IN MY HC) . I wanna think Pink actually tries to help him through the situation but cashes in a little too hard on spamton's misfortune since he believes Spamton ditched them and when Blue becomes visibly upset, he realizes he probably accidentally triggered Blue

Really from this ramble, He wanted to apologize.

//Spoilers is you havent seen the animation

Now from a director standpoint, this scene also exists to foreshadow the future scene where Blue reaches for Spamton to try to get him back before Spamton succeumbs into the madness.

As Blue also is exposed to the madness.

Its 5am

I hope you enjoyed this ramble

[jamsofdeath0]

sometimes I think about that video I watched a long time ago of someone reviewing/rating generally just talking about their thoughts on Kirby air ride having played it the first time as an adult. they didn't particularly like it. thought it too simplistic for a racing game. but it always rubbed me wrong they didn't play it with a single other person. Kirby air ride is a party game above all else. playing it alone is a venture of masochists and challenge runners (masochists with style). it's in no way the intended format. does that make the game bad? the fact you cannot truly enjoy it by yourself without making your own rules for it? I'd say I've had fun playing air ride alone but only when achievement hunting. giving myself a task and trying to fulfill it.

but then that isn't me making my own rules for it. that's me playing an intended mechanic but by myself. so perhaps it's more accurate you won't get any fun out of it by yourself if you haven't had fun in it before. no one's going to pick up the game and start achievement hunting. but if someone's had enough fun with it with friends they might try and do that by themselves.

another person called air ride the precursor to Battle Royales. I wanted to be offended because ew but they're not really wrong. What is city trial if not the running around and collecting power-ups part of a battle royale? You run around finding weapons (rides) and power-ups for said ride. You fight whomever you come across and race to events. After 3 to 8 minutes depending on your settings you play a mini game.

But ive had more fun with air ride then just about any batyle royale? Is it bc its casual? bc its kirby? I would assume it's because it's the less people and perhaps couch co-op has a thing to do with it. 100 people is just overcompensating. 4 to 8 (or perhaps 50 if you truly must go big) is alot more fun. And when they're in the room with you that just adds infinite value.

so Kirby air ride isn't a fun racing game. but in the end it's more of a party game. trying to label it as simply a racer would be like labeling Mario party as a strategy game. not technically incorrect but I don't think most people would wholly agree.

So is the original opinion that the game isn't very good invalid because they played the game wrong? By themselves instead of with a friend? Perhaps its invalid to call it "bad" when you werent looking at it through its intended lens. A telescope isnt broken bc you looked through the wrong end. But that doesnt mean you're wrong for not having fun with it. Fun is a personal thing. And one cant be blamed for not KNOWING they were looking through the wrong end. That the game theyre playing only truly hold value with another person to enjoy it with.

[meowsticmarvels]

hello mcsm community. this is a repost of a long ass twitter thread i made so i apologize in advance if its formatted weird (and sort of disorganized). but heres some of my Thoughts and analysis on radar. i have much more to say than just this of course but HERE WE GO! radar insaneposting tumblr edition. long post incoming (i worked very hard on this)

ANYWAYS!

- he idolizes the new order and puts them on a pedestal above himself a bit. i mean from some dialogue it's clear he doesn't have the highest opinion of himself but he treats the new order smiliarly to how they felt about the old order in thw wither storm arc

- i have mentioned this several times but the "prison radar" thing definitely comes across to me as him trying to overcompensate (and mimic those he sees as "strong" like petra and jack) sort of. like if you contextualise it with how a lot of the characters called him weak an episode prior and it definitely seemed to have an impact on him its like. yeah. especially being thrown into a situation like w/ the sunshine institute and the whole iron breathtaker thing that has Got to fuck you up. idk i jusy see a lot of people take that at face value like "oh look he's being silly" when it comes across to me as more like insecurity ig?

- hes so autism its unreal

but yeah the whole thing kinda fucks him up

ig the only thing thay kinda bothers me is that arc doesnt feel finished. and also jesse can ENCOURAGW him to act like someone hes not??? OH AND. id like to point out this thing also involves him trying to break his own strict patterns which is p interesting to me. by this i mean the "disregard my bedtime! break whatever rules I feel like! within reason!" he seems to feel that in order to become stronf he has to be like. less caring of the rules w/e but the "within reason" line and the fact that he dislikes things being disorganized still is like. he doesnt Want to act like this. he doesnt seem to like thag but he feels iys the only way he can be strong and adapt to such a lifethreatening situation (to act like someone he clearly isnt)

another point id like to make is his relationship with Stella. it isnt really explored past this one scene in episode 2 of s2 but god there's a lot to unpack here

"you'll never change" - has stella... always been like this?  even when radar worked under her (which HAS to be at least a year before s2 bc apparently he's been working for jesse for about a year)

 also she calls him a "quitter" which. 1. has a negative connotation meaning that she Does Not Approve of him leaving 2. implies he quit of his own accord. this isn't normal former boss/former employee interaction though something definitely happened. like theyre both Weirdly Hostile and this is never brought up again....... ehat happened.

also "he doesn't even know how to use a sword" this part stuck out to me but Considering this thing i noticed a few months ago about how the mcsm world is very. survival oriented and people who can slay powerful monsters (i.e. old order) are looked at with high respect. so basically she's calling him weak here which is. Huh. also "you don't know anything" girl what happened.... why does radar feel he has to prove himself like that...

"id be careful about counting on him for anything" what did she mean by this. did radar fuck up in some way unintentionally and it pissed stella off or something??? because something clearly happened and im very sad this is never explored further bc this is a fucking interesting plot point.

also. the last image...... this is so fucking interesting regarding radar as a character because it does actually provide context for the whole prison radar thing. like holy shit this says a lot. the first line kinda shows his insecurity already. he's aware people don't believe in him and think he's weak and a coward, but he's going to try anyway. he feels he has to prove himself kinda.. like "you'll see! i can do it watch!" and considering his behavior in this episode it shows. he's overcompensating for that fear and trying to prove that he can be enough to make a difference. especially shown by how he reacts when "Vos" tells him he's not up for the task. he's trying, it isn't enough, so he decides to mimic his heroes and pretend to be someone he isn't (which... unfortunately half the cast doesn't take seriously)

the second line proves my points more. "im not the person she thinks i am anymore" raises a lot of questions on what happened ofc but there's also the "I can be different. Braver. If that's what the situation requires... I'll do it." and guess what! he *does* do that! a combination of pressure from people telling him that he can't do it and he'd just get hurt in the process and is too weak and cowardly to really do much + the stress of the situations he's thrust into seems to sort of catalyze his decision to put on the "prison radar" persona and pretend to mimic his heroes and act strong to not only make a difference and mean something but also to survive The Horrors . but he doesn't want to do this, that isn't who he is as a person, moreso what he feels he has to do. also thinking of pne line where he says something abojt the "incredible misery in the world crushing down on you". like this is a random throwaway line?? clearly the entire situation of s2 is Getting to him but he never really gets to Express that

now ofc like i mentioned this arc is in no way perfect. it's fucking interesting but it feels unresolved and forgotten by episode 5 along with the other characters completely ignoring the fact that that isn't who he is along with jesse even praising that in some dialogue options. like the writing of this kinda confuses me because everything radar says and feels up to that point implies that it's a façade built to be what others want him to be and as a stress response but some later things kinda treat the way he acts as a Good Thing and like ???? like i get it if they wanted to do the "being more courageous" arc sure. fine. but this doesn't seem like it was simply written as that. he does Not usually act like how he does during the "prison radar" thing and its just never addressed. which fucks me up bc this is personally one of my favorite character arcs of mcsm due to how complicated and insane it is + hes one of my favorite characters ever and i relate to his issues a lot but instead thw writings kinda ????? but yeah. its always bothered me really but to be Fair mcsm was hit by a lot of budget cuts that affected the plot like dont even get me started on the scrapped assistant to the warden who sesms to be meant to be the antithesis to radar kind of... and im p sure some episodes had different writers. so yeah this sucks but it isnt gonna piss me off that bad I just wish his arc was handled a bit differently. might potentially write something or w/e about this but anyways if you read this entire thread 1. you're insane 2. we do a little trolling. follow me mcsm truthers

original tweet thread here: https://twitter.com/rival_trevor/status/1659130820999753730?s=20

[alstroemerian-dragon]

man. thinking about how the survivors all desperately need new hobbies

like. okay. sonia’s a great example. off the top of your head what are her hobbies? probably learning about and researching true crime and the occult, and watching j-dramas/anime, right? but if you really think about it, her fascination with japanese culture very much feels like her just desperately wanting to fit in and massively overcompensating. so while i do think she probably enjoys those shows, theyre definitely not as popular in her kingdom as she claims (not that im saying she’s lying on purpose, just that. well, when you feel embarrassed about someones reaction to you liking something, sometimes you’ll try to make an excuse for why you do yknow), and plus, its not like they have access to a lot of entertainment media for a while post program. as for the occult/true crime stuff…

look me in the eye and tell me junko did not use that against her. do you really think junko enoshima would not see a girl obsessed with the study of serial killers and not try and warp that into a fascination with her?

i think that stuff leaves a bad taste in her mouth now. and after committing and being complicit in the committing of the kind of crimes she used to be fascinated by, its kind of hard to find the joy in that anymore, yknow? the occult stuff could maybe still be enjoyable, but with how often it feels like there are ghosts lurking around every fucking corner and her dreams are filled with screaming corpses its kinda hard to be fanciful about that stuff.

so. girl needs some new hobbies.

its not much better for the others, either. akanes hobbies were basically working out, doing parkour, eating, and sleeping. the first two are downright impossible for the first several months after waking up, and for the foreseeable future any kind of physical activity is going to be, to an extent, difficult just due to how much chronic pain and weakness she’ll probably suffer the rest of her life. she can get to a healthier weight and a stronger muscular build, but its not going to change the fact that she gets out of breath and sore much faster than before. as for eating… well. thats gonna be a sore subject for a while. so all she has left is sleeping, and sleeping all day is, as ive been told by many people, kind of a depression symptom? and theres no way the others would sit back and let her do that.

girl needs some new hobbies!

kazuichi, from what we can tell, had a few more normal hobbies. in game you can find him gaming with chiaki, and he seems to enjoy coming up with schemes and plans for silly stuff, but overall he just loves his tinkering. he may be the ultimate mechanic but first and foremost he just loves fucking with machines and engines and finding out what makes them tick. but even that isnt gonna work anymore. sure, he could game. if they had any fucking consoles. or a working computer network. or any games. but none of that is happening for a while, if ever. as for his tinkering, it’s gotta be a similarly sore subject to sonia’s training and tutoring as a princess. its too closely linked to what he did as a despair, too closely linked to his talent, to not make him feel like screaming when he smells machine polish. i think he definitely could get back to a point where it genuinely brings him joy again, and before that he definitely forces himself to use his talent and knowledge because they need it, but. its a complicated problem.

the guy needs some new fucking hobbies.

and of course… fuyuhiko.

fuyuhiko… doesnt have any hobbies.

like okay can you think of a single thing from the game (or fuck even the anime) that implies that he has anything he actually does For Fun. he has a sweet tooth. hes dedicated to his clan. he went to the zoo with peko one time. he got in fights at school. thats… those arent hobbies. fuyuhiko doesnt have any hobbies!!! someone get this boy some fucking knitting needles or a book to read!!!! please!!!!!!!!!! i think it would genuinely help him a lot to have something to do instead of just sitting and stewing in his own trash fire of a brain speaking from experience. learn to sew, read some fantasy novels, learn to play the guitar, something. im begging you.

and hajime is his own fucking can of worms.

he probably had hobbies before the Horrors. right? he probably played some video games, maybe liked martial arts films, maybe sketched in the margins of his notebooks. rode his bike sometimes. but now? nothing keeps his interest that long. everything becomes monotonous after a while, and sure, sometimes thats the draw. with stuff like fiber crafts the point is sometimes making it muscle memory so you have something to do with your hands. but other times its not. and his ability to basically excel in most things you put in front of him has to be so fucking boring after a while. a lot of the point of having hobbies is that you arent perfect. the draw is learning, is getting better. even reading can become nothing when any nonfiction book has knowledge in it you already know and any fiction book you can intuit the ending from the first few pages. he probably reads Lightning Fast now too, so it cant hold his interest for long.

he probably has to constantly be switching hobbies and outlets. cant stay on one thing too long, or the ennui starts to set in. that sounds miserable.

someone get these kids some hobbies, man

[i-maybe-exist]

📌 📃 for the media hyperfixation game! you can talk about whatever u wanna talk about :)

im talking about the twenty one pilots lore >:3

📃 what is the plot of your hyperfixation? and is it a movie, game, show, etc?

SO!!! its a series of music videos + a lore dump/explanation video (which you can watch here its only an hour long and also they all fuck), telling the story of a guy called clancy. there are other songs on that dont have music videos that are also about it, but most of the main story is primarily told through the mvs. theres also letters from an arg that they did + a concert livestream but theyre not Crucial to understanding the plot yknow

and VERY basically the plots about clancy trying to escape from a horrific city called dema, ruled by a group of bishops. he finds a rebellion group called the banditos, who break him out of dema again, but he gets dragged back to dema again + forced to perform and write propaganda music. eventually, he escapes, and gains the same mystical power that the bishops abuse. he uses it to fight back + spread the idea of rebellion to other citizens of dema, before making a final stand and defeating the bishops! but its still left on a cliff hanger because tyler joseph hates me personally

📌 how did you find your hyperfixation?

oh this is long-

i knew about their really popular songs from blurryface (ride + stressed out), but i didnt start listening to them until middle school!! the friend i carpooled to school with suggested their music to me and i listened to them and trench came out like-later that year im pretty sure! i wasnt quite sure what the lore was at the time (partially because trench is the first album with lore so Nobody knew what the lore was at the time) but i thought it was really cool :3

once i got to high school i sort of fell off, but i still poked my head in the fandom when tøp was doing lore shit (like the scaled and icy livestream). i heard about their newest album, clancy, coming out, and listened to overcompensate, but didnt really get back into them until i went to one of their concerts a few weeks ago!!! and it was so SO much fun and then i rewatched all the old music videos + all the new ones and now im. very not normal

[affinitystoryblog]

so these questions were initially an ask but i accidentally published the ask before i was done answering. luckily i had copied what i had written before i deleted the incomplete answer, but here is the answers! i do not remember what the last one was, so unfortunately i can only give u these ones.

--------------

break: What would cause your OC to break down completely? What do they look like when that happens? Has anyone ever seen them at their lowest?

Sinie

SO ACTUALLY there is a major story event that takes place late book 1 that changes sinie's character for a while. book 2 sinie is not going to be the same as book 1 sinie....i cant say what the event is because i think its too much of a spoiler. but sinie fuckin loses it. goes dark. corrupted by her own emotions. itll be the lowest anyone has ever seen sinie. the event, and her actions resulting from how it affects her, will change her forever.

Csilla

this one is a little harder for me to answer, because i havent thought of something like this for csilla like i have for sinie. csilla is...a little stronger than sinie tbh. she can handle darker emotions easier, given that she's been an outcast and lonely most of her life. she isnt sheltered necessarily, just kept on a tight leash. she feels her mother doesn't love her, she adores her father but he's often times too busy to make any actual time for her so he overcompensates by spoiling her in any way he can, and her and her brother have an estranged resentment for each other.

the one that really brings out the best in her is everett. sure, everett is kinda just doing as programmed and trying to woo csilla, but damn does she fall for it. she's a hopeless romantic, and everett is everything she could've ever wanted in someone. he makes her laugh, hes attractive, he gives her attention, comforts her, they have a lot of similar interests, he is always taking her out to do new things she never dreamed of doing trapped by the shackles of her parents expectations. he makes her feel free. so tbh, i actually think a perfect scenario for this would be everett's betrayal. (idc about spoiling this since i mean itll be obvious its gonna come out once i start the arc) i mean, idk if i would rly call it much of a betrayal, more of a reveal that he was a spy but lbr, he's gonna continue doing what mommy (agitha) says until his heart finally tells him to do whats right. (i have a feeling that everett will be on their side before agitha, but i havent fully figured it out yet...) so there'd be a bit of time where everett's heart is in limbo and csilla would be sitting in her room rotting away bella twilight style until it was all resolved.

guilt: What is your OC guilty about? How do they handle their guilt? Do they try to avoid guilt, or do they accept it?

Sinie

again, the big story event that sinie goes through at the end of book 1 will cover all of this. she's definitely gonna marinate in her negative emotions for a while, coping very very badly. she cuts her hair off. not a spoiler u guys have seen short haired sinie tons of times if ur familiar with this blog. i just decided tho...i think i want her to go full throttle and shave it all off. i think she'd eat.

Csilla

see, i love asks like this because i dont normally think of stuff like this for csilla like i do sinie because im used to sinie being the protagonist like she was in beta affinity, but i need to treat csilla with that same respect cause she's equally the protagonist. theyre both the main character because u cant have this story without one or the other. and this stuff makes me think for csilla.

so anyway, i dont know how to answer this question off the top of my head, SO lets psychoanalyze csilla!

she's shy and introverted, but she's also still a nerd; she likes art and music, dance, videogames even though she doesnt play much herself, anime and cartoons (sinie does end up getting her into "kiri kyu-kyu-cute!!") but she also kind of doesnt know how to have friends. she was outcasted for being the weird witchy kid growing up in a bougie all girls private school, and we ALL know how hardcore middle school girls bully. i havent fully thought of how all of csilla's history with bullying went, but it definitely affected her to grow up alone and isolated.

she probably would feel guilty for liking witchcraft and being interested in magic, it being ingrained in her head that its weird and creepy and dangerous. and running with that, she would probably feel like an absolute freak for being a magical girl. ive kind of already depicted csilla calling magic freaky and she is shown to be scared of it.

(shown in chapter 1)

(and then a couple times in chapter 2)

csilla is the one who insists they keep their magical identities a secret, partly because i personally dont want too much of the world suddenly being exposed to magic rn, (hence miko, who takes them to a place they can be destructive) but also because csilla is embarrassed. notice how she calls it "wacky". she does admit it was awesome, but thats really mostly sinie's influence. csilla does still love wacky things, she was just abused into feeling guilt about liking these things. she can be more free with sinie who is OPENLY expressive about her love for magic and their newfound powers.

so i definitely think csilla should go through an identity crisis of some sort, battling her feelings of feeling like a total freak and then feeling like she has a purpose. csilla is a little more logical when it comes to magic, its not supposed to be real. no one would believe them anyway and she's terrified of being considered the freak in a place where she can start over.

i think playing with this idea early on is better, so ill go through and edit some chapters and then keep the theme in mind for future chapters for consistency :)

oc ask meme

[viewedooc]

saw a comment on a youtube video about how the time aspect wore dave down and a DIFFERENT comment on a DIFFERENT song about how hes giving up time travel good (which i did not read before having him give it up i swear. i feel vindicated) and someone linked the page / read through that a little

so supposedly the beta session lasted a day but dave played at least three days going through time loops, and thats just the alpha dave, not counting all the ones that died or were doomed

i think it works as a parallel for his anxiety and tendency to overthink, probably leaning into some obsessive compulsive issues

like i think that's how his brain worked. he's able to throw out paragraphs of rambling because the spigot from which his stream of conscious flows is smashed permanently open so he's always in his head, distracted, thinking of things to say and possibilities and fears and doubts. running through it in his mind trying to give himself the best chance at success to overcompensate for his deep, deep, deep insecurity it's not the dead part of the dave that scares him. he's used to dead things (in jars) it's the failed part.

(someone remind me to talk about the parallels between his time aspect and interest in wet specimens later)

having to weigh all those decisions and outcomes and decide which ones were more favorable really took a toll on him. like letting jade shoot him (he wasnt afraid of his death he was afraid of jade being hurt)(having to leave his sister behind alone in a doomed timeline to save her in another.)

it's too much knowledge and executive power. the human brain is not built to experience life that way (which is why caliborn makes such a potent lord of time - his brain IS wired to work that way - vicious and cyclical)(whereas for aradia it was like a second chance that was genuinely hers and not taken from her or controlled by a weird horny freak)

i think the moment he gives it up is the moment he realizes he can do more for everyone just being present in the moment. both in terms of time and his maladaptive daydreaming. or his internal panicked searches for the Correct thing to say which is also Very Cool and Funny (which he'll never fully give up but he can learn to say something beautiful and true or even cringy and silly once in a while)

i think it also contributes to his deep unabiding love for his brother because he knows dirk is weighing all the options too. he knows none of them seem great or possible. he knows they're gods who are going to live to see black holes die. he knows that on the graph of the timeline between the birth of the universe and the death of the final black hole, he hasn't moved a nanometer. theyre not even babies theyre zygotes.

the cruxite egg was such a good metaphor because itll hatch when its ready. it takes time. let it do what it does.

davebot experiences all points in time simultaneously so where we would see a moment, followed by a moment, followed by another moment, it's like he has the whole picture in his head from start to finish and enough quiet time to ponder it all and he's cheerfully nihilistic. assigning "good" and "bad" to any moment is pointless because you stretch out the whole tapestry and it's beautiful. you can't just cut out the upsetting parts. find beauty in the threads and the hands that wove them

[jemmo]

also can i just say that now that we know what went down between jaewon and eunji, it makes her behaviour all the more understandable and all the more unforgiveable. bc she is compensating. she knows she did something bad and hurtful and the guilt of what she did makes her overcompensate in her behaviour with jaewon. she is both more flirty and pandering but also more demanding and needy and harsh, all to try and make up for what she did when the only way to start atoning for it is to be honest and admit it. instead, when jaewon breaks up with her, still thinking he doesnt know the truth of the matter, its almost like she gets offended. like he doesnt know what i did, and i keep telling him its not true, why would he do that? why doesnt he believe me, or trust me? yet she is the one that has already broken trust, she is the one lying. and its all the more reason for her to turn against jihyun, bc not only is jaewon moving on with someone else, not only does he represent what she lost, but he has this pure, innocent, honest air which is everything she’s not, and it makes her dislike him all the more bc she cannot avoid those things about herself. and it even makes jaewon returning to her more understandable, bc when he is self-sabotaging, when he does think the worst of himself, maybe he thinks this is all i deserve, a woman who cheats on me and lies to me and makes me feel like the bad guy, it all feeds in to him taking blame that doesnt belong to him. her whole thing is wanting to win, but this is not someone beating her, this is a loss she inflicted on herself and she cant deal with that. in a way, its like a twisted parallel of jaewon, the way their behaviour overcompensates for something they dont want to admit or accept, except jaewon needs to accept that he is blameless while eunji needs to accept blame. and i love that seeing this new light to her actions makes them no better, in fact it kind of makes them more horrid, but theyre horrid bc you understand where they’re coming from, and it makes it easier to see how she can go about becoming a better person. its like she’s humanised by us seeing the full extent of her wrongdoings, bc now she isnt some faceless evil, she’s a person who needs to learn how to treat people better and be willing to admit she isnt perfect. and i hope she does.