#its like she doesnt quite have down WHY i feel that way but i appreciate that she knows i dod

[tododeku-or-bust]

Almost 28 years, and for the first time in my life someone, unprompted, told me that they noticed it seems like I feel unwelcome in my group, and that i am welcome and people do want me around. Again: unprompted. I didn't ask, I wasn't even aware I was giving off that vibe, nothing happened to make me note verbally I felt like the oddball. Bc I am always the oddball, the one that felt unwelcome or begrudgingly tolerated. I actually cried on the inside a little bit. My eyes stung. No one, at least in person, has ever cared enough.

[homicidal-lingonberry]

Some thoughts on Todd,

he started out as one of my least favorite evil exes, but I think part of that was simply that I could not quite figure out his motivations for a while. what is he gaining from being an evil ex? Why does he cheat on envy and veganism? I think I finally do understand his motivations now tho, and I am appreciating him more for it! and it also makes him seem a lot less jerky.

thoughts are mostly going to be coming from the comic and anime, with a lot of thoughts on his fling with wallace as well.

Todd is basically a pushover who is incredibly out of touch with his own feelings, and overvalues external validation. he is not the type to ever go for what he wants. not purely, not truly. he commits to what he thinks he is supposed to. goes for what he thinks he Should want instead of what he really does.

He isnt a vegan bc he wants to be. he's a vegan bc his father told him he'd never have the willpower to do so! I feel he is also in a relationship with envy bc he thinks he should be. childhood friends, and she wants him? and she's drop dead gorgeous, talented, and successful? he'd be crazy to say no, right?

I think him joining the league was a similar situation. It seemed like what everyone else was doing. so clearly, thats what he should do too, right?

But these arent the things he wants. He places value on these things bc other people do. But these things dont satisfy him, and inside him is an itch to act out in rebellion. the part of him that knows he isnt being true to himself. and he cheats!

He cheats to feel a sense of control over a life that is in no way his own. and I think that is why he feels so much for wallace.

bc why should he be with wallace? why would that be the obvious choice to anyone? It would be so silly to throw everything he has away for some guy he's just met. A guy that most people in his circle would probably consider a major downgrade compared to The Envy Adams.

but he is experiencing genuine attraction!! he is feeling fireworks!! he isnt messing around with someone who is simply a trophy or status symbol. Someone he thinks he should want, but doesnt really. he's messing around with someone who actually gets him going!!

Someone who he is into enough to realize that what he's doing with Envy is absolute bs!!! that everything he is doing is absolute bs!! And he chooses the real desire he has for Wallace, even tho it should seem like the wrong thing to do. In breaking up with Envy to pursue Wallace, Todd is finally Openly doing what he wants, breaking his former pattern of pushing it all down until it seeps out in secret rebellion.

and thats why he stops being vegan as well I think. he realizes its not something he ever truly wanted, he just wanted validation from his dad who was never going to give it to him anyway. And with the new revelation of choice, he quickly casts it aside.

While it seems like he lands in a rough place compared to the other exes, and it seems like wallace fucked him up bad, I think wallace gave him exactly what he needed. Wallace was never going to be the love of his life or happily ever after- Wallace was a wake up call.

Who better to show Todd how to get in touch with his repressed desires than Wallace, a man that denies himself no pleasure, and assertively goes for what he wants? Suddenly Todd can see he is allowed to be unapologetically himself. he doesnt have to be this person he hates being anymore.

What Wallace leaves Todd with is a new foundation to build something true on. One that takes into consideration that Todd is his own person. Its barren, but its steadier than the old one made of lies. and while he's got a lot to learn about himself, I think he will consider his own heart more fully from now on.

Where we see Todd at the end of the anime, he thinks he loves Wallace. But really, he's finally beginning to love and honor himself, and feeling more connected with his own heart than ever. <3

[gamblersdoll]

pussydrunk

in which, Gojo, would confess. MDNI- 18+, oral (fem receiving), head squeezing, mean and angry Gojo, whimpering Gojo, fingering, unprotected intercourse, est relationship?? angst, then fluff

Love was a tragic curse, at least thats what Gojo thought. Gojo believed love wasnt needed in a relationship. no, never.

until you and him started dating, you would always talk about the mysteries of love, and gojo would always ignore it. that stupid, yet attractive smirk plastered on his face. you two started dating for a while, going onto five months, and it was starting to get rocky.

fighting with gojo was like fighting with a wall that was freshly built, one that wouldnt be knocked down. youd grow angry, and gojo would just ignore your anger, your own pain. you two were arguing about head, how youd always go down on him and please him. however, the energy was never matched.

"i just dont give head, y/n." he said with a lazy smirk, peering over his damn glasses. "i dont see why its a big deal, we could just not give head." he suggested, knowing itd piss her off.

"or we could stop fucking all together.." she sneered, folding her arms. she looked to her side, not wanting to look at his stupid , yet, attractive face.

this caught his attention, him frowning and forming a pout. "wait jus a minute, we dont have to go that far." he protested, rolling his eyes.

if you had told gojo's younger self, maybe when he was 22, that here he was, between a girls legs and eating her pussy, hed laugh at you.

"fuck.. you taste so fucking good.." he said, legs thrown over his shoulders as you were devoured by him, "cant believe id pass this sloppy pussy up.. you cream so much when i eat you.." you moaned, gripping at the hair on his head. you were so close, you were grinding on his face, begging for his tongue to quicken. "cum, cum f'me, cmon, cmon!" he encouraged, shoving his fingers in your cunny, feeling the way you convulsed, how you spasamed, how you arched your back and then--

the feeling of his face being splashed against, him pulling away to the mess you created.

"...you just squirted on me." he revealed, still realizing your mess, how heavy you breathed, how fucking pretty your pussy looks. you eventually looked at him, his eyes wide, youd think hes angry.

"im sorr-" you attempted to say, before you felt his two thick digits in your pussy grind against your gummy walls.

"yer gunna do it again, until i say so.." he commanded, you didnt have any choice, not when hes pussydrunk.

"what the fuck do you mean, you dont love me??" you questioned, standing infront of him, folding your arms. you were more than pissed, and incredibly hurt.

"when did i ever say that i did??" he chuckled, hands in his pockets- this motherfucker didnt care, it was beyond him. he quite honestly didnt see the reason you cared, he just wanted you to finish dinner already, its been a long day.

"the shit i do for you, that doesnt mean anything..? the fact i basically have to save your ass sometimes???" you pestered, stirring the pot of the stew. you were growing pissed. the violent pissed, the pissed that you worked so hard to tame, the pissed only for special grades or hardass curses.

"oh no it does and i appreciate it, i always show that, i just dont feel love for you, if i did then that would be bad." he shrugged, "hows dinner coming along?"

youre worried about the stability of your relationship, and hes worried about food. what was his fucking problem??

you slammed the pot into the sink, emptying the contents of what once was dinner, you could go a night without your cooking... he couldnt.

"figure it out, im not doing shit for a man who doesnt give a fuck about me." you spat, walking to your shared bedroom, leaving gojo confused.

he didnt care, you can throw your little tantrum.

until, of course, youd change your social media relationship status to "its complicated" instead of "in a relationship." and once gojo got that message, oh how livid he was.

"what the fuck." he spat at you, gripping your arm as he glared into your eyes. the way his blue pierced into your brown, you would almost be scared , but you werent.

"isnt it complicated? you dont love me and we're in a weird position, so its consider complicated." you chuckled, trying to reciprocate the same energy he had just a week ago. what was his problem?

"youre a fucking brat, yknow? you stopped cooking, you stopped looking at me, you stopped everything." he snarled, leaning his face into yours. why did he care? what did you matter. you were just another girl who he dated, who he lived with, who he fucked, who he ate with, who he actually put effort in his appearance, who he actually give a full kiss, who he made love to-

"youre mine, princess- ohoh fuckk.." he groaned, plowing his fat dick into your pussy, his face in the crook of your neck, humping into you, eyes tightly shut. hearing you moan his name, he moaned yours back. "fuck youre so pretty.. my pretty bitch. oh fuck- fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck..ohmygod fuckkkk..." he whined, hands entwined into yours and spilling into your womb, while he whimpered.. he fucking whimpered, if you didnt cum from then, you surely did now. he wasnt his nonverbal, non noise making self. he let loose for a change, and all it took was for you to take a week trip with collegues.

oh, fuck.

he rolled his eyes hard, sighing while he looked away in defeat, his efforts in not falling in love, failed. just to realize it wasnt the kind of love he felt for geto, wasnt the kind of love at all. and all it took was you to pull away slightly, he put his head on your shoulder, sighing heavily.

"you were right.." he mumbled, holding you tightly. "i.. do love you." he whispered, feeling nervous to say, he couldve costed a good relationship.

"hm." she said, shaking her head and holding him back, "you wan'a kiss?" she asked, she didnt miss the way he perked up. "then say it again, and you can have as many kisses you want." she chuckled.

"love you," he said, trying to kiss her. she dodged it, moving her head to the side , drawing out a groan from his throat. "whaaattt?" he groaned.

"say it right, dont get lazy again." she warned, her own smirk on her face, something he always went feral for, whether she got it from him or he just found it really fucking hot on her face, the way the plump of her lips spread slightly, especially with that damn pina colada lip gloss on-

"i love you, princess. now can i please fucking kiss you?" he almost growled, not waiting for her answer, just smashing his lips against hers.

[stelladess]

I feel a bit annoyed by people saying Firefly is the star rail version of Kallen. As a fan of both characters I feel they got next to nothing in common whatsoever. They dont look similar, they arnt similar people, they dont have similar backgrounds or motives... there is just nothing really. It feels like reducing them to Stelle/Caelus girlfriend (this one is supported by the story but I feel like much of what makes Firefly and this ship interesting gets overlooked, admittedly some of it assumes the theory about Firefly being SAM is true and some lore knowledge about SAM but even without taking that into account Firefly is a great character in her own right) and Otto´s girlfriend (which, as a huge Otto fan, I will say, of course has its own issues and I do not like the romantic interpretation with them, the previous era versions of them are different people and dont count for this imo and there is no evidence at all Kallen of the current era was into Otto and also Kolosten heavily suggests it wasnt even a romance thing for Otto either) I highly recommend people read the prequel comic focused on Kallen, its when Kallen is younger then when we see her in flashbacks, set before meeting Sakura (i highly recommend also checking out that whole story at some point even if it can be a bit awkwardly time gated in game and slightly confusing) in HI3 so her personality/demeanor is a bit different from how she was by then (she is a lot more naive for one) but I think its still a good introduction to see why Kallen is a good character and a good showcase of how she isnt like Firefly at all and doesnt require sitting trough all of Kolosten and several side stuff in game to get to, so its a convenient starting place to see if you want to see more about Kallen. Which I hope anyone reading this ends up wanting to but even if not thats fine and is why I recommend starting here since its an easy read with very nice art and a fairly self contained story. Also if you dont play HI3 and am just curious on Kallen because of what other people are saying. Elan Palatinus: https://manga.honkaiimpact3.com/book/ Some spoilers for Penacony mentioned below here....

Firefly I dont wanna go too deep into character analysis here cause some of it relies heavily on an unproven theory, ill probably write about her more later though. But either way I feel like she is a very well written character, her desire to indulge in some escapism to get a break from her harsh reality with her terminal illness, her determination to find the watchmaker´s legacy despite the risk, her clearly having gotten a lot of experience dealing with dangerous situations despite seemingly wanting to just live a normal happy life, she hasnt been in the game very long (yet, the boss that "killed" her whole gimmick is that you can free the souls it claims so im not so sure she is actually gone, also you can see a Firefly leave her body before she dissolves shortly before Sam shows up...) but she is already very strongly characterized even with her limited screentime. If the theory that she is Sam is also true then it would add an extra layer to her closeness with Stelle in that some lore about Sam suggests Sam was artifically created for the purpose of fighting against the swarm, so she likely would relate to Stelle on account of the whole... being made to fullfill a purpose thing. As a stellaron hunter in this case she would also know about that quite likely so I like the theory. Idunno I just feel frustrated how characters often feel like they get boiled down to just their archetype or role (and sometimes not even any of those but just completely unrecognizable) when they are actually very interesting and well written characters. I want people to appreciate the writing that went into these amazing characters, not just these two but also many other examples but I wont ramble on here. So I strongly recommend people read more about them if at all curious, altough be careful since there are tons of leaks and spoilers in general going around regarding anything Penacony related, so with Firefly it might be best to wait a bit if spoilers are a concern.

[cybrthrillz]

do u hav any wallbeetle/concretebeetle hcs u would like 2 share??

YES. YES I DO.

i like MANY interpretations of concretebeetle so i will be going over some of them (will use he for pest and she for wallter for the sake of convenience)

pest initially thought that wallter was genuinely just a snobby upper class dude whos overbearing and ANNOYINGLY polite. he was incredibly surprised when she turned out to be a really stuck up, selfish and money-driven guy who is very frustrating to talk to for completely different reasons.

money is the only reason why wallter ever tries to get close to pest because she lowkey thinks hes annoying too. she knows that hes very wealthy and she tries convincing him before resorting to straight up stealing but always gets very frustrated because unfortunately for her, pest is a very tough nut to crack, and doesnt just leave his shit lying around his place for people to find. even more unfortunate is that pest knows she has money too and will steal out of retaliation to her attempts to do the same lol

another interpretation i go insane for is if pest and wallter actually loved each other. they both have an appreciation towards construction and intricate builds and the process of building architecture. they both tend to not form attachments to others, albeit for VERY different reasons. pest simply just doesnt feel the need to make any friends or committed relationships because as far as hes concerned, the people in the elevator are just strangers. wallter doesnt think that anyone on the elevator truly understands what's so great about gray stuff and this disinterests her from making any REAL connection to anyone, just some talk and occasional hang outs for the sake of social activity and enrichment.

after many weeks or months of spending time with each other again and again, even though the both of them claim that there are no strings attached, that their motives are purely self sufficient, they cant shake the fact that they both hold some fondness for each other due to some similarities they have. after a hook up they always stay for a bit longer, or stay the night. its nice to them, to feel understood in quite a unique way that dont really experience with anyone else. they end up learning a lot more about each other than they expect, and for pest- maybe its more than he's willing to accept.

pest and wallter do love each other, but they would never admit such. their connection is strictly restricted to hookups, the occasional date. they both have such stubborn emotional walls that they could never tear down and so they pretend that there is absolutely nothing to feel. even though pest knows wallter is sick, and she's not very good at hiding it. neither of them ever bring it up. pest pretends not to care, tries not to think about what it would do to him when the worst happens. they both know that one day they won't be able to rely on the fact that they'll just run into each other again on the elevator. and pest knows that he'll never say a word about it to anyone afterwards.

[bisluthq]

also like, I'd argue eva mendes was zqually as famous as ryan g when she decided to slow down/stop the filming for him, whereas like ryan was always kind of a movie star and while Blake obviously had the massively successful gg thats only one project ane its from a time where tv was considered inferior to film in terms of Acting. Add to that the fact that Blake was quite young even for an actress when she got with Ryan and the fact that she seems to still want to make films, it does read like a career stunted a bit by a relationship which overshadowed her and which is filmed with growing imbalances, which is not the vibe with ryan and eva at all, like even having retired I feel like to this day if she wanted to start again she would have enough good will and respect in hollywood to make it work, and while it may have a bit to do ryan g especially after barbie it would mostly be on her own merit.

Sidenote, but blake doesnt drink??? how is she friends with taylor

but also I think Eva didn’t do it “for” Ryan like she’s given interviews where she’s very much said she just wanted to focus on the kids while they’re little and she’s in the fortunate position to have been able to afford to do that. She’s also said that in part that came out of deciding to have kids at a later point in life than a lot of other women (she was 40 when she gave birth to their oldest) and being hyper aware that she’s only got the one shot with them and obviously having achieved a great deal prior to that point like idk that it even felt like a compromise in any way. It’s what she wanted to focus on at 40. She does do some occasional things she’s interested in and she wrote a children’s book for example and she posts online and stuff which I think she enjoys doing like I think she has fun making her reels and shit. lol a bunch of her reels aren’t even brand deals, she likes making reels of old timey/Hollywood golden age actresses and literally I think she does this for fun and for no other reason.

Tbh Eva realistically could’ve stepped back from work even if she’d decided to be a single mum at 40 like that’s why idk that she did it “for” Ryan. Obviously it’s easier with Ryan, obviously it’s nicer for Ryan because they can and come visit him on sets and shit, so yea I think he’s very supportive of her decision but like she very much wanted to have sufficient time for her family because she felt she wouldn’t get a chance for a redo and she’d done stuff she’d wanted to for like 20 years before that decision professionally lol and in terms of partying etc so by that point like… she wanted to focus on being a mum.

she’s said actually she might go back to acting again when the kids are older and I agree that she has enough of her own traction that it wouldn’t be in any real tangible way related to Ryan and more like “Eva Mendes returns to the screen” 🤷🏻‍♀️ Like I’m sure she’s still getting sent scripts because she’s Eva Mendes and she could also phone around and see what’s cooking with past collaborators/people she admires or is interested in the work of. As I said, she did promote Barbie and I think that was really welcomed by the Barbie team/appreciated by Ryan because he’s the Ken to her Barbie and all the Kenergy stuff but I do also genuinely think she dug Barbie. She doesn’t generally speaking promote Ryan’s work otherwise. Not because I think she isn’t supportive but because like that’s not her role/job lol and fwiw Ryan’s also not out there selling her children’s book again not because I think he isn’t supportive but because it’s her thing not his thing.

Blake’s vibe does seem a lot more imbalanced, she does still seem interested in work, she had more than just GG but you’re right in that it wasn’t the sort of illustrious career that could see her ringing people up and saying “what do you have for me?” without - also because how entangled their brands are - the person on the other end being like “and so can we count on Ryan R being on board for this?” lol. And she does seem to have done it “for” Ryan rather than just because she wanted to focus on family.

[meringuejellyfish]

tetia is so interesting as right now shes the only apprentice with ultimately no backstory thats been revealed, yet the few moments that are focused on her are very telling of what kind of environment she may have been in before being brought in to the atelier. qifreys atelier and his apprentices have a very prominent theme of being problem children/troubled children (much like qifrey himself) which does have me wondering what tetias background is - im even more curious because of how long we have yet to see anything! also how it seems current arc is weaving tetia in (kind of?)

i love that 42.5 was a bonus chapter but also is one of the few bits of writing that is so telling for why tetia is the way she is and what she values. shes such a special character to me (which to be fair i very much say about all the apprentices) the spectacular thing about the apprentice writing to me is how you can somewhat slot them into specific archetypes (as in, "kind bubbly girl" "rival", etc) but what shines through is all these little things that make these characters feel, to me, very fascinatingly human and unique. people you may have known or been who learn and grow (one of my favorite parts in wha is when the apprentices' have epiphanies. quite wonderful)

but anyway ch 42.5 was crazy to read for the first time like oh this kid most definitely comes from an environment where she could not truly express herself in any way shape or form and cares so so deeply about self expression and making the world a better place. passion is so unbelievably important. she also may be looked down on for creating magic that doesnt seem all that "useful" to most. FOR reference the way that chapter 42.5 goes is tetia being excited about choosing a dress to wear for silver night festival and looking at all the different ones, to which agott is uninterested and says something dismissive - how its stupid, and i really like how tetia immediately goes off on her and talks about how its important to some people, how something small like a bow or a ribbon can change how the world views someone and how they view themself, and i Also really like how agott comes to apologize and takes a moment to form an appreciation for the artistry in her own way. how very sweet. (casual apprentice interaction as in interaction where they arent in a Stressful dangerous situation is something very interesting to me)

and i think agott was also a good choice to clash with tetia in this chapter in how agott has some deeply rooted issues with being perceived and approved of by others, of course contrasted by tetia who tries her best to stand up for herself no matter how unkind the world may want to be.

[infernallies]

oh man. 911 S6B is amazing so far. in a flash was a bit. Hm. Strange. the editing didn’t help either 😭 BUT it was good setup for what was to come!! and then - in another life?? recovery???? FUCKING AMAZING. im so happy with the direction they’re taking the show in!!!!

i still have some gripes with the way it feels like the dialogue is a bit less natural and more platitude-y. their usual back and forth feels forced at times, and it just.. disappoints me. it used to be 911’s strongest point, and it just sticks out so much now. but maybe that’s just me? feel free to tell me if im wrong 🥲

BUCK’S ENTIRE COMA DREAM ALTERNATE REALITY RAAAAHHHHHHH IT WAS SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO COOL the tk dream episode is cool this coma dream episode is cool its so cool how different it is from the usual 911 episode formats IT STANDS OUT IN THE BEST WAY POSSIBLE!!!!!!!! you get so excited when they suddenly change it up it was so strange and fun and awesome….. ASSHOLE BOBBY YOU WILL BE IN MY HEART FOREVER. eugh doug made me nauseous. kill KILL KILL ermmmm daniel was silly. NOT THE DOCTOR ON SURGEON VIOLENCE GOING ON IN THE DINNER TABLE that was funny actually

i immensely appreciate the fleshing out of wendall and bobby’s relationship, and the full circle moment when bobby continued on wendall’s wonderful legacy of always helping when he saw someone who needed it. it is beautiful, truly, and im glad that his death - while absolutely tragic and devastating - lead to the saving of everyone in that rehab center. i was so angry that they killed off a character who i barely knew and was genuinely excited to get to know. but i feel comforted in the fact that it meant something now, that he saved them. that he didn’t go down without a fight. he saved bobby, he saved tamara, and it was all by being a kind, loving, selfless person. I LOVE HIM OK DONT TOUCH ME.

the buckley-han family debacle is - quite something. i dont know why the buckley parents are suddenly nice???? i mean its nice and all but????? where did this come from. chim is right it’s a bit erm suspicious ? but perhaps after jee they did some personal growth, we shall never know.

buckley sibs my everything, overbearing maddie my everything, HER SCHEDULING HER COWORKERS TO CHECK ON HER BROTHER NAHHH SHE’S DOING THE MOST

BUCK FEELING TIRED OF EVERYONE AND GOING TO EDDIE’S HOUSE TO HIDE AWAY GET AWAY FROM ME IM ABOUT TO GO INTO SICKO MODE THEYRE SO INSANE. Shut the fuck up eddie diaz your gayass haircut is making you even more annoying somehow i know it (AFFECTIONATE) (SO MUCH AFFECTION)

theyre suddenly TALKING ABOUT THE SHOOTING?!!???()))( EDDIE REMEMBERS NOTHING BUCK REMEMBERS EVERYTHING FUCK MY LIFE OR MAYBE EDDIE’S LYING AND HE DOESNT WANT TO SAY “i remember that you stared at me like you were the one who got shot” or something fucking gay and crazy like that they should be put down. sorry. love you guys.

ermmmmm wow i love 911 its stupid and dramatic as shit sometimes but i do truly love it and they did so good with buck and bobby im so happy i love them i adore them thank you for everything

[dumbbitchfrommars]

im feeling quite a darkness and heaviness at the moment.

lowkey feel like i need to find a psych again, cause im probably gonna spiral soon.

this was supposed to be an exciting time but instead i feel like crap.

everything is always stress stress stress. i always wonder if this is gonna affect my long term health and mental health - constantly being afraid and anxious and stressed.

i am in debt, that should be my biggest concern right now but its not. i dont care at all. which is a huge thing to say considering my capricorn moon.

nothing really feels worth it, nothing is good enough. nothing is ever good enough. when has it ever? i try so hard to appreciate the little things but its like im always masking this underlying lack of appreciation for everything. life is hard. life has let me down so often... i have let myself down so often.

what did life do to deserve these words? lets be honest for once. no one and nothing has done me dirty. its all in my favour and to help me grow. im the one whos resisting and refusing to change.

i have a list of bad habits and thought processes that are limiting me. its a wonder people have the patience and forgiveness for me. i feel like im not really worth it. i guess when it comes to my family theyre just forced to - theyre my family. we live together. of course they will tolerate me.

somehow feeding into my negativity is not helping. i still feel wrong. like its all wrong and im not allowed to feel this way. ive done the wrong thing and im handling it all wrong. what do i do to fix it?

the tarot told me to reach out to others during this time. to communicate. the one thing i suck most at. yet i dont either at the same exact time. ive learnt how to talk about the things that matter. work. work and... fun. but life isnt all about work and fun. theres ugly stuff too. like my inner world and how underdeveloped and unprepared she is for the real world.

im angry and insecure, yes, we already established that. what's deeper? i dont know how to take care of myself. i want to be taken care of. i am scared of being forced to take care of myself. i am hurt because nobody wants to take care of me. i feel abandoned. i feel neglected. my inner child is feeling neglected. my inner child wants so desperately to be looked after.

i went into a black hole and had no one on the outside to look after me. but thats not true, is it? i had someone to look after me. i was lucky enough to have someone who cares about me to look after me. and i wasnt grateful, because i was upset. i felt id received evil eye. i was suspicious and angry and resentful because somehow it all meant that i was less worthy, less pretty, less wanted, less important, less enough. less pretty less thick less curvy less attractive less magnetic less feminine less desired. its so fucking stupid. its so so so fucking stupid. its all stupid. its all a stupid fucking game made by men who want us against each other and want them to be the prize. i am the prize. ive convinced myself im not but i am the fucking prize.

how did i let it get to this? how come it has come to this? when and how and why did it? when i retrace my steps, can i see how i fell into the trap of negative thinking time and time again until the point of no return? i thought i'd be fine as soon as i had time to myself. but the damage has been done and its gonna take a while for me to return to where i was before. i should be feeling on top of the world. i should be feeling magnificent. and proud. and happy. but i feel like absolute shit. i feel so low. and i feel like i cant focus on anything but the worst experiences from the last few months. nothing good only bad. im being frustrating and stubborn and completely negative and childish.

im so angry at myself right now. i dont know how to fix it. i dont know how to get back to normal in time. theres no time. life doesnt wait for me or anyone. but i still need time. how can i show my face to all my friends and put on a smile when nothing is fine inside? i want to say "no, i cant make it" and take the time to recover. but will i even recover? it just becomes another thing to add to the list of things im disappointed in myself over. im a mess. im chaos. im a child throwing tantrums everything her fuse has run out. because im not able to regulate my emotions until they blow over and all of the sudden im reacting and lashing out and doing things i always come to regret.

i hate feeling like im being treated like a child and yet i act like one.

i want someone to look after me and take care of me and parent me and love me.

but can i do any of those things for myself? for another person? i say how badly i want children but look at me. id be a terrible mother. i can barely take care of myself.

knowing all these things does nothing for me. i need to change. i want to change. but i dont want to either. im afraid of how much work its gonna take. all of the sudden im 18 again and completely overwhelmed and cant handle the pressure of all the responsibility life and adulthood brings. im still grieving the old me. im still grieving the childhood i missed out on... im still grieving the childhood i never appreciated.

my life lesson will be to appreciate it.

and still my ears ring and still my head throbs and i cant cry because i am still disconnected from her. i am her. but i cant reach her. shes taken the reigns and is bulldozing everything i thought i once knew.

theres so much to unpack. i want to learn i want to change i want to grow. fuck its so overwhelming. i feel like shit. i feel like a failure. i feel so weak and immature because i just cant do it. i feel so ashamed because i dont want to be this way. i dont want to be treated like a child i just want your respect.. i just want to be respected. i just want to be heard. listen to me! i deserve to be heard. i deserve to speak up. why cant i just fucking SPEAK UP? why wont you give me the space to SPEAK UP? listen to me! listen to me! listen to me! i might be a child but i am still fucking important! listen to me! how could you make me feel this way? this small? this unimportant? this silenced? my anger is valid but its being channeled in the wrong way. its spilling out because i dont know what to do with and i dont know how to integrate it and i dont know how to share it in a healthy way.

okay. i need to sit with this for one fucking second . its all ive been wanting and asking and waiting for for weeks. so let me do that. okay!? give me a fucking break. fuck.

[stardustdiver]

🌿 What way does your OC show that they care without using words? What way do others show your OC that they’re cared about without using speech?

Wint would either buy or pick up little treats or trinkets while out and about because she remembers that someone likes blue things, this other person likes these snacks, she knows Theia likes forest creatures so any forest themed trinkets are instantly Theia's (including her bluebird earring, pictured below, it was a single earring to the side of the market and not originally for sale while they were trying to figure out what to do with it and Wint was just "I'll take it").

Wint will also always be super protective over Theia, especially during moments like in Rhalgr's Reach and Ultima Thule. She isn't a tank main but she can be if it means protecting her friends.

Wint on the recieving end would probably a similar vein of 'I saw this and thought of you'. Yummy treats and shiny rocks are always good choices, she operates on the autism-bird-gifting rule. Doesn't have to be expensive, just oooh and shiny. Shiny precious stones (like amethyst, quartz, moonstone, opal, labradorite, jade, doesnt have to be cut/polished, raw is just as nice).

Theia would offer a lot of hugs and also just be goofy and silly, she likes making others laugh and smile and doesn't like seeing them sad. But if she is sad, she would try not to show it but you could tell, not quite as chipper and chirpy, and she would appreciate a big hug and/or a nice walk in nature to talk and just think.

Vix would be a problem solver, if theres a problem she can logistically fix (like repair something, buy a replacement etc) she would offer to do so, or get you in touch with a guy who can help you out. Emotional or personal issues she wouldnt be as much of a help but she would again try and offer solutions to help the situation (if there was a solution available for said problem, if its just, "I'm sad can i tell you why I'm sad?" she'll listen but not be sure how to respond).

If she was feeling down she would always appreciate a visit to a big hearty restaurant (not even a fancy one, just some good food), or hang out at the arcade with her friends and sibs/cousins. She's still finding her feet on The Source so she's trying to figure out what fun things she can do on The Source compared to The Fourth, but she's a little bit of a PVP enjoyer. Just out there playing and fighting with people to win a game with no hard feelings attached.

[mueritos]

hmngh. I have therapy today but Im going to bring up what I feel like are my autistic traits to my therapist. Inserting a read more cuz this got long, but if youre autistic, I would really appreciate some input/advice. This is just so long because I desperately am just searching for some sort of validation or anything really, but I guess its also practice to advocate for myself.

 She has said in past sessions that if I were autistic i’d be too “high functioning”, but I didnt have the knowledge or words or the introspection then to explain myself better. Ive been reading, taking lots of tests, watching a lot of videos, and reading up on autistic experiences. I relate to quite a bit of it and it has been both validating and equally as confusing. I keep doubting myself at every little thing, like doesn’t everyone feel like this? But i am an introverted possibly autistic person surrounded by friends who are extroverts with adhd, and the differences in our experiences has always been normal to me through the “introvert vs extrovert” perspective. Still, I wore my noise cancelling headphones to a music festival in my home town when out with friends and I felt like it really helped me calm down from the noise and the massive amount of people. Ive been letting myself rock when Im doing things, even if my mom points it out and tells me to stop. Ive been saying no to social gatherings for months now under the guise of “i have work to do”, but really its because I genuinely don’t know how to talk to people when its more than 3 of us in a gathering. I end up getting overwhelmed when people are talking over each other, and its always been worse when they’re drinking. I can handle my extrovert friends sober, but drunk is another story. Suddenly I feel the urge to cover my ears when someone says something a little too loud, I cringe when they speak over each other. I’ve had past experiences of people being excited/loud and I want to cringe from the noise and cover my ears, but I can’t because that would look rude. I don’t express myself the same way as others, and I am constantly confused by questions like “are you excited for __?” or “are you sad to be leaving ___?” No? I’m not, I genuinely don’t know what excitement feels like. I like when things have a start and an end, and I will never feel sad for something to end. I’ve stumped my friends and family when I told them I didn’t feel anything toward studying abroad, toward university, etc and etc. Sure I can feel momentary excitement and happiness, but it’s always been internal. I stress when I receive gifts because I worry I don’t look happy enough.

Like...it’s not normal for people to become irrationally angry or agitated when people burst into my room while Im drawing, right? It breaks my focus, and it’s so frustrating because now I can’t go back to what I was doing. I get irrationally angry when people express their happiness or excitement, because I don’t understand it. It confuses me, like why can’t you keep that inside like me? The last time I expressed true happiness was when I saw an email for a potential client, and I stared shaking my hands. It felt so good, but I would never do that in front of other people. “I’m excited” isn’t even part of my vocabulary is what I say often, but it’s true. It doesnt make sense to me to let everyone in the room know how im feeling. My emotions are very stagnant and I often don’t feel what I am actually feeling until theyre at extremes. I struggle with eating on time or if theres no routine. It’s why summer has always been the worst for me, because theres no longer classes or planned breaks for me to follow. I have mental schedules for each day and if they don’t get done or are disrupted, I get really upset because I expected for things to be done. I wasn’t always good at group work, and I had to learn really hard to be a good leader and not take control of everything. Most of my language and body language is based off what I learned from watching TV, and I remember struggling to be understood by others because of that and because of my speech impediment, which I still struggle with now. I remember getting in trouble in school over things that I thought were socially acceptable because I saw them being done in shows, like being “mean” to people. I followed rules very strictly and other kids found me annoying for it because I would snitch on them for it. I only really ever had one close friend up to high school, where thankfully I found a group of people who were just as weird and as queer as I was.

I constantly get asked if I’m okay because I look upset or sad. Apparently my RBF is that strong, because people have even been intimidated by me. I don’t look people in the eye when I am walking around, I kinda just stomp around because I’m faking being confident because I get so anxious by people staring at me. Eye contact has felt invasive for a long time, especially by strangers. I need large amounts of alone time to feel okay. The worst was when I was working 8am to 9pm for a BIPOC/Queer four day program for my campus. That was literal hell. I have never talked to so many people for so long in my life, and I hope I never have to ever again. I didn’t know it wasn’t normal for someone to get so socially exhuasted that you just withdraw completely. I couldn’t fathom speaking after a few hours, getting words out felt literally painful. All I could do when I got home was sleep and do it all over again. If someone tried talking to me when I got home, I was agitated and couldn’t control it. We had to take group photos and I couldn’t even fake a smile; my face muscles hurt and they began twitching. My inability to fake emotions has always been a problem, and Ive had facial twitching from trying to smile in the past during parties and other gatherings. I also feel like I hurt people when I tell them I dont miss them. I don’t think Ive ever felt like Ive missed anyone. I am perfectly fine on my own, and I think my independence makes other people feel like I dont love them. I struggle in romantic relationships because I feel like I dont show affection in a very traditional sense. Light touching feels awful, but when my boyfriends lays on top of me, it’s like I’m at peace and it feels awesome.

idk. I cud go on and on about this but my ignorance toward social situations, my sensory issues that I cant hide anymore, my difficulty with feeling emotions, and I suppose the way my intelligence was always used as a way to ignore all of these issues; it all has been catching up to me. Maybe it was the pandemic. I loved being at home, but the lack of routine made me depressed. I love wearing masks so people dont look at me and I can hide my deadpan face. Idk. Its just been a bit overwhelming lately as I let myself slowly be more in tune with whats happening. I dont know if i want an official diagnosis, but I guess I just want to feel like im not a freak for being different than my peers. Ive always felt behind them

If u read this far pheww thanks but now u know a lot more about my pysche than some of my friends haha. Its just been hard because my friends are starkly different than me, even if they are ND as well.

o well. guess ill figure things out

[mercy-burning]

Move This Along

Part of Mercy’s 1k Celebration: A collection of Spencer Reid x Reader requests to celebrate 1,000 followers.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!Reader Summary: After months of waiting, Spencer decides he finally wants to have sex with Reader. Category: SMUT (18+) Warnings: Language, sex (oral sex- female receiving, virgin!Spence, penetrative sex, unprotected sex, creampie) Word Count: 5.6k

Full Request: “...so a smutty oneshot with like virgin!spencer but im talkling like baby spence. and hes super blushy and cute but then when it happens its rlly raunchy and therws a lot of dirty talk. and like reader doesnt work at the bau but theyre close friends. and like she goes out to a bar with him and the team and they tease him so then she takes him home and literally fucks him after a movie or smth idk...” — @mggscumrag

MASTERLIST | 1K MASTERLIST

NOTE: It took me forever to figure out how I wanted to do this, but once I did, it came out so quickly! I hope it’s to your liking 🥰

***

The first time she went out to meet Elle's friends from work, Y/N found herself absolutely nervous, and she wasn't sure why. She was always great with meeting new people, but for some reason, the prospect of meeting her next-door neighbor's co-workers seemed to really do a number on her.

She remembers how anxious she'd been, constantly worrying that they wouldn't like her, not to mention they were all probably super smart and strong and intimidating, just like Elle. Anyone who aided in putting away serial killers, rapists, and other monsters had to be just about the most intimidating personality there ever was.

But as Y/N soon learned, that wasn't quite the case at all.

To be fair, they were all intimidating in their own little ways, though it was really easy to forget about that when she was laughing with them, sharing drinks and stories, and exchanging phone numbers to stay in touch.

That's how she and Spencer had come to be good friends. Despite how obviously shy he was whenever they saw each other, the two of them managed to have conversations on just about everything. It usually happened that he talked and she listened to whatever he was teaching her, but she'd always add on the occasional, "Wow, I didn't know that," or "That's really fascinating." All of which she could tell he was surprised at and appreciated.

And since the first time they met at Elle's birthday party, the night she met the whole team for the first time, they'd been practically inseparable. While Y/N was good friends with the whole team, save for Gideon, who always seemed to like it better by himself, her relationship with Spencer seemed to even surpass the bond she'd built with her neighbor-slash-best friend.

Elle even told her as much one Saturday night, as the two of them were driving to the bar to meet up with everyone for a few drinks.

She'd mentioned it as a joke, but Y/N was instantly apologetic.

Elle only laughed. "Don't apologize. Actually, I think it's good that Reid has another friend outside of work. You're good for him. And you know, I think he has a little crush on you."

Warmth rushed to Y/N's cheeks, and she tried to hide it but failed miserably, causing Elle to give her a knowing smile. "Y—You don't know what you're talking about, Elle, it's not like that."

"Oh come on, it totally is. You give him the light of day when no one else does, he talks about you all the time, and everyone at work knows it."

She paused. "They... do?"

"Of course they do, we're all profilers, but it doesn't take one to see how obsessed that boy is with you. I think you should go for it."

Y/N would have been lying if she said she hadn't thought about asking him out. But in the end she had always figured it was a little weird, being that she was friends with all his and Elle's co-workers and she'd kinda been adopted into their family of sorts. But hearing what her neighbor was saying... She started to think differently about it.

"You really think so?"

Elle nodded. "Absolutely."'

"Okay," she replied with an excited smile. "Maybe I will, then."

A week later and the two of them started dating. Y/N always thinks back to the first few weeks of their relationship, how adorably shy and blush-prone Spencer was, even after they'd been together for some time. They spent almost all their free time together, and it still seemed like he was nervous to be around her. He'd assured her on multiple occasions that that wasn't the case, but Y/N still wondered why he hadn't fully warmed up to being around her.

Especially in public. Oh, in public it was worse. Y/N clung to his arm, and his face immediately got red. What confused her the most, though, was that every time she pulled away to make him more comfortable, he pulled her back in, seemingly desperate to feel her warmth.

In the end she and Spencer had grown to develop their own little communication system for public settings, something to let the other know when something was really wrong, and when to ask if the other was comfortable.

One night everyone was meeting after a rough case somewhere in Denver, and Y/N offered to buy everyone drinks once Spencer had called to tell her they were all back. It wasn't out of the ordinary for her to do that, but it had been a while, so everyone was quick to except. Well, mostly everyone— Gideon as per usual went his separate way, and Hotch was eager to get home and see his family.

Y/N was waiting for them at their favorite bar downtown when she heard a loud squeal that sounded a lot like her name. Sure enough, it was easy to spot a very yellow-clad Penelope Garcia headed straight towards her with her arms stretched out for a hug when she turned around. The smile she adorned was instantaneous as her arms came out a well, embracing Penelope with a large hug that almost knocked the wind out of her.

"I missed you!" she exclaimed, still hugging Y/N and swaying them back and forth a little. "I mean, I know I don't ever travel with the team, but because of that we should hang out more."

"Next time I need some company, I know who to call."

Y/N spotted Spencer then, behind Penelope and patiently waiting for a greeting. She smiled at him and whispered, "Hi," to which Penelope must have heard.

She quickly released her from their embrace and stepped out of the way. "Oh! I'm sorry, I'm keeping you from your boy wonder."

She laughed as she transferred from Penelope's arms to Spencer's. He muttered a little, "Hi," into her hair as she squeezed him and shoved her face into his neck. If she had to bet, he was probably red as a tomato right now with how close her mouth was to his neck—it was his weakness and she knew it. And just to tease him a little bit she quickly kissed up his neck, his jaw, and placed a decent peck on his lips before pulling away and grabbing his hand.

Despite the shy smile and the blush adorning his cheeks, he squeezed her hand tight and kept her at his side like they would die if they weren't touching at all times.

Everyone gave little greetings to Y/N as they all made their way to a large booth near the back. Y/N was sitting on one side with Elle to her right and Spencer to her left, while Derek, Penelope, and JJ sat across from them. Y/N got them all their preferred drinks, and a beer for herself, which Spencer couldn't help but find oddly attractive.

He glanced over at her as she took swigs from the bottle as the night progressed, and for whatever reason the sight made his insides all warm and tingly. And when she used her unoccupied hand to grab his under the table, rubbing gentle circles over the inside of his palm with her thumb, he'd never felt more in love with another person. He wasn't even drinking any alcohol, yet his head swam and his heart soared all the same, every bone in his body humming with euphoria at just the mere thought of her.

He must have been staring a little too obviously, because Derek kicked his leg under the table, pulling him from the lovesick daydream he never wanted to leave.

"I can't tell if those are cute ol' puppy dog eyes or bedroom eyes," Derek laughed, and everyone laughed right alongside him.

"Oh, stop it," Penelope said, swatting his arm. "He's obviously just very in love with her, what more could you need to know?"

"Oh, come on, tell me you're not curious to know how they... operate."

She smacked him harder this time, and everyone laughed.

Knowing her boyfriend didn't really care for the spotlight, especially when it came to their relationship, Y/N squeezed Spencer's hand under the table in reassurance. She drew a question mark in his palm, their signal for, "Are you uncomfortable?" And he responded by drawing an "X" in her palm, their answer for, "No." She laced their fingers together then, and set her beer down.

"Morgan, our sex life isn't any of your business," she stated simply.

Spencer felt his stomach churn at the sentence, if only because said sex life was, as of late, non-existent.

He and Y/N had made out a lot, sure, but the one time they did try having sex, he made it about ten seconds being inside of her before he finished, and since then he'd been kind of embarrassed about it. They only ever made out since then, because before it ever got that far he stopped it, nervous that he'd disappoint her.

And now his non-existent sex life was the topic of conversation, and if anyone picked up on it, he would have felt worse about the whole thing.

So, he didn't stop himself from speaking. "But if you must know, it's great."

Y/N's hand tensed up in his, and she looked over at him, shock marinating in her eyes. To anyone else it would have looked like she was surprised he'd even bring it up, but he knew she was most likely more curious to know why he'd lied about it.

Their friends laughed regardless, Elle adding a curious and joking, "Care to elaborate?"

Ready to change the subject, Spencer shook his head. "Nope."

"Yeah, actually I think we're gonna head out early," Y/N added. Spencer was suddenly worried he'd made her upset, but she rubbed gentle circles into his hand that reassured him everything was okay.

He got out of the booth and Y/N followed, as their friends grumbled.

"Oh, come on, we didn't mean to embarrass you guys," Derek said.

"No, that's not it," Y/N said as she threw on a light jacket. "You just reminded me how much I'd like to operate with my boyfriend since I haven't seen him in a few days, so we're leaving. Have a good night."

Spencer felt searing heat rise to his cheeks as he turned around and ushered Y/N out the door, accompanied by low whistles and claps from their friends.

***

The two of them were sitting on the couch now, Y/N having just set down a couple classes of water.

"Sorry if you wanted to stay," she said quietly, playing with her thumbs. "You know we don't... actually have to operate if you don't want, obviously, I was just looking for something to say..."

"Oh, Y/N, I know. Don't worry about it. Really, I... I was the one who even brought it up, I should have just let you handle it."

She looked up at him with a small smile. "Why.. did you bring it up anyway?"

"Well, I... I guess I just felt embarrassed. And I know what we do together isn't any of their business, but I was just... I really was thinking about how much I love you, and when Morgan brought it up, I felt like I wasn't... living up? To your expectations? I don't..." He sighed, unsure how to properly articulate how he was feeling. "I don't know. I just thought about the last time we tried having sex, and I felt embarrassed about it, that's all."

"Oh, honey," Y/N cooed, scooting closer to him and bringing her hand up to brush some of the hair from his face. "You know, you... don't have anything to prove, right? I know how much you love me, and you don't need to be having sex with me to show me, I hope you know that."

Still, he couldn't bring himself to look at her face. "I do," he choked out, pulling at the hem of his shirt. "I'm... I'm sorry."

Y/N's tongue clicked, and she leaned into him, wrapping one of her arms around his neck and placing the other across his lap. She held him tight and kissed the side of his head. "Don't you ever be sorry, unless you cheat on me. Then there will be something to be sorry about."

He laughed at her joke, turning his head to brush his nose against hers. "I love you."

"I love you, too," she whispered, giving him the lightest of kisses on the lips.

When she pulled away, he leaned in again, kissing her a little harder, and she gladly reciprocated. With every passing second, all of his worries started to melt away like the snow to her sunshine. Within every kiss was an emanation of outpouring love and comfort that warmed his soul and gave him the confidence to try something bold.

His hands threaded through her hair as he drew her in closer, and instinctively, she climbed over his lap, resting her hands on his shoulders as he gently probed her mouth with his tongue. The sound of her sigh as she opened up to him and allowed him to fully explore her mouth with his made his stomach bubble and tense.

This would be about the time where he'd stop, telling Y/N that they should slow down, and she'd sweetly oblige and stay cuddled into his side as they drifted off to sleep.

But tonight he didn't want that.

Tonight he wanted more.

While one of his hands remained in her hair, gently massaging her scalp, the other snaked down to her lower back. He gently slid his fingers under the fabric of her shirt and pressed his palm flat against her, pulling her closer to him with a desperation that both shocked and excited her.

Deciding to test the waters, Y/N rolled her hips, feeling him jump slightly underneath her, followed by a whine that vibrated her mouth and sent a low hum of pressure through her stomach.

Still, she pulled away.

Well... She tried to.

When she pulled her face away from him, Spencer used the hand in her hair to bring her back, tilting his head in the other direction and continuing to kiss her with enough passion for the both of them. And it didn't help that the sound she made when he did it spurred him on. She whimpered loudly into his mouth, and the hand on her back involuntarily slid down to grab her ass.

"Hey," she managed to get out when he pulled away momentarily for air. "Hey, you don't... We don't have to really do this if you don't want. I—I don't want you to think that what happened earlier means we have to have sex."

"Y/N..." His hand gently kneaded her ass, and against her better judgement, she rolled her hips again, sighing out against his lips. "I don't want to put it off any longer... Really, I... I want to. I want to show you how much I love you."

She kissed him softly again, bringing both of her hands up to cradle his face. "You already do. Every day."

She was giving him an out, and Spencer appreciated it. But with the way his insides were practically melting away at her presence, he knew more than anything that this was what he wanted.

"I know," he said. "But if you don't mind, today I'd like to show you a little extra." And then he kissed her deeply again.

Her hands tightened on his face, right before they slid up and through his hair. She gently tugged at it, and he let out one of the most delicious sounds she'd ever heard. For future reference, she relished in that sound, in that feeling, and made a mental note to try it out some more when they got further along in their sexual path.

But tonight, she would let him call the shots. He was finally ready to try it again, and seeing how confident he grew in his touches and kisses when she submitted to him, it was the simplest decision.

So she remained on his lap until he made another move, encouraging him with whimpers and languid rolls of her hips against his. Her hands grew frenzied in his hair when he dipped his hand past the waistband of her jeans and underwear, sticking his fingers in only about a knuckle deep. The warmth of his hands against her bare skin sent shivers down her spine, which she let show by involuntarily grinding down on his lap.

Spencer groaned deeply more than whined this time, his grip on her hands gripping tighter to her backside. He forced himself to remove his mouth from hers long enough to breathe out, "Bedroom. Please."

As much as Y/N didn't want to get off of his lap, she knew that what waited for her in the bedroom would be worth the momentary loss of complete physical contact. So she peeled herself away from her boyfriend, grabbing him by the hand, and lead him to her bedroom.

Once the door was closed, he was on her again, caging her face between his large hands and capturing her lips in another heated kiss. They moved backwards until she hit her back against the door, and the second their movement stopped, Spencer used their standing position to press his full body weight into her, their legs tangling together.

Meanwhile, Y/N was trying to figure out where to put her hands. She wanted to brace them on his chest, but it was pressed tightly against hers. So they wandered over his back, but she couldn't decide whether to place them under his shirt or on his butt. Or maybe she wanted to grip his arms to feel the veins as they strained against his skin from holding her face. The possibilities were quite endless.

So endless that they were even surprising—Spencer noticed her wandering hands and promptly decided to place them where he wanted, which was apparently above her head. He removed his hands from her face and pinned her wrists to the door above her head, and she huffed a breath as he pulled away to speak.

"Is this okay? I wasn't too... too rough?"

The concern swimming in his lust-filled eyes drew a little whimper from her throat as she struggled to find the right words. But finally, she settled on, "That was so fucking hot..."

Relief flashed over his gaze right before he grinned. His fingers flexed against her wrists, and even though she couldn't see them, she could imagine how it looked. And it really was fucking hot.

Seeing the expression on her face, Spencer leaned forward again and kissed her one last time. Their lips moved together hungrily, dancing in perfect synchronization, the music being the frantic beating of their hearts.

And then he started to trail his kisses down her jaw and neck, keeping her hands firmly pinned to the door. Usually she was the one to explore his neck with her tongue and teeth, but this time he wanted to try it for himself. Mirroring what he'd felt her do to him hundreds of times over, he soaked in every single sound she made, from the little whimpers of pleasure to the soft, choked whispers of his name dancing over her lips. And when her hips canted forward, searching for any kind of friction, he decided to grant it to her.

As his kisses moved down along her collarbone, his hands gently slid down with him, over her arms and then down to the bottom of her shirt as he kneeled in front of her. He lifted the shirt slowly, each new inch of exposed skin being met with soft kisses until it reached her breasts. He reached up to palm them over her bra while he trailed his kisses downward again.

Even though she was wearing jeans, he pressed kisses to her legs anyway. She squirmed under his touch, and the feeling made his heart soar.

"Please, Spence," she huffed, bringing her hands down to lay overtop of his. She felt the tendons and veins in his hands as they squeezed her, and with everything she had, she tried not to beg him to use them in more interesting places. She wanted to let him take his time, to be a vessel for his exploration, but it was growing harder every second to be patient.

Thankfully he seemed to get what she was feeling, because his hands slid out from under her shirt and rested at her jeans. "Can I take these off?"

The fact that he even asked when she so clearly begged him to do it made her heart swell. "Please do," she chuckled, though it turned into a choked sigh when his fingers actually started undoing the button. And at the sound of her zipper going down, she could have come undone right there.

He pulled her jeans down slowly and helped her step out of them. And she thought maybe he'd take the next step and do the same with her underwear, but he opted to use his mouth instead.

With gentle kisses, he traced the hem of the fabric all the way to either side of her waist. And then he looked up at her with curious eyes and shifted his face, pressing his nose right up against where her clit would be. Her hands immediately went to his hair, but he grabbed her wrists again and laid them at her sides. "Do you want me to move this along?" His voice wasn't teasing as much as it was genuine curiosity.

Still, Y/N resisted the urge to tell him yes. "I—I want you to do whatever feels right. Tonight's... about you. What you want."

"Well, what I want is to make you feel good. So, again... Do you want me to move this along?"

Every time his lips moved, they brushed up against where she desperately wanted him. And it was killing her. So, she nodded vigorously. "Yes, please," she whispered.

And with that, Spencer released her hands and used his fingers to gently rub her over the fabric. The contact made her shiver visibly, and he took that as a good sign. So he wasted no more time and replaced his fingers with his tongue, fluttering his eyes closed at the taste of her. And he knew that once the thin fabric was gone it would be stronger, but even then he was thoroughly wrecked.

He kept lapping his tongue over her, feeling her panties get wetter with ever second, and he only finally removed them when she started grinding her hips closer to his face, desperate for more.

When he did finally bring his tongue to fully taste her for the first time, they both let out the filthiest sounds, months and months of build-up starting to come to a head. He tasted her like he would an ice cream cone, and for the first few moments his eyes remained closed, all his focus on this brand new sensation. But he wanted nothing more than to see her react to him. So he opened his eyes and continued his ministrations, pupils blowing wide at the sight of her above him.

She was panting, her mouth hung open and her tongue just barely peeking out over her bottom lip. Her eyes remained shut, though Spencer could tell she was struggling to open them. With a tentative flick of his tongue over her clit, he took notice of the little gasp she made, and he knew he'd found it. So he repeated his action, providing small kitten licks to her clit as she picked up her breathing and clenched her hands at her sides.

He picked up the pace then, taking note of every little thing that made her cry out or jump with pleasure until she was clutching his hair. He was sucking on her clit now, his middle finger gently sliding in and out of her when she spoke.

"Oh, fuck, keep doing that. I'm... I'm almost..."

He felt her tighten around his finger as she started careening off the edge, and he did his best to keep his eyes on her face, because it had practically been haunting him, wondering what it would be like to see her come undone at his mercy.

To say it was better than he could have ever dreamed was a severe understatement.

Y/N's head leaned back against the door, her chin jutted out so he could see the beautiful contours of her chin and neck. He saw her throat contract as she moaned out his name, saw her chest heave as she struggled to catch her breath, and best of all, he felt her flutter around his finger and mouth. And if that was high inducing, he couldn't wait to feel wat it would be like to replace them with something else.

The mere thought had him trembling.

He pulled back when she huffed out an over-stimulated, "Okay, please, please stop, oh..."

Though it could just as easily have been a painful sentiment, the hungry, dazed look in her eye suggested otherwise.

Spencer stood up and brought his finger to his mouth, still caught up in her taste before she ripped his wrist away and kissed him, threading her fingers through his hair and moaning into his mouth.

Before he could get lost in it, though, she pulled away and nodded. "Okay. I think you're wearing too many clothes."

He tilted his head down in a little flush, and with the help of Y/N, his shirt peeled away from his body and joined her pants and underwear on the floor.

Y/N mirrored his actions, kissing gently down his jaw, neck, and then down his torso. Her hands wandered his bare back as she sunk to her knees. But when her hands moved to his belt, he stopped her.

"W—wait."

She peeled her hands away and looked up at him. "Are you okay? Do you want to slow down?"

He visibly swallowed, and she could read that look on his face that he got whenever he was embarrassed to tell her something. "N—no, I... I want... the opposite, actually."

"I don't follow..."

"Well, I know that... if you return the favor, I won't last very long, a—and I... I don't want to wait anymore."

Y/N smiled, standing again and bringing her hands to rest on his shoulders. "So you're saying you... want me to move this along?"

Spencer smiled at her recollection of his words. "Yes, please."

They travelled to the bed then, Y/N taking off her shirt and bra when they got there, and leaving her completely bare to him. She sat down and reached for his belt, looking up at him as he stood.

"I'm clean and on birth control, do you still want to use a condom? I have some in my table drawer."

He thought about it for a moment before shaking his head. "As long as you're sure."

Y/N undid his belt quickly and threw it to the side, making work of his button and zipper with a smile. "Oh I'm so sure..."

The way she said it made his dick twitch, images running through his mind of how it would look seeing her filled and dripping with—

Her hand was palming him through his underwear now, and it was all he could think about. He had already been hard before, but now it was tilting on the precipice of painful pleasure. So he stopped her, taking a deep breath.

"Lay down?"

"However you want me," Y/N answered, positioning herself on the bed so she was leaning back, her head nicely laid out on the pillows.

Spencer swallowed and removed his underwear before climbing on the bed and kneeling over her. Her legs were already wide, feet flat on either side of him as he positioned himself and got ready.

She reached out and gently grabbed his forearm, a gentle smile on her face. "You ready?"

"Mhm," he answered with a curt nod, bringing himself forward to run the head of his dick through her wetness. They both sighed at the feeling, and Spencer knew he was in trouble.

It was finally happening, he was getting another chance to have sex with her, and if he didn't last long again, he was going to—

"I love you," Y/N said reassuringly, rubbing circles into the hand that rested on the inside of her thigh.

He looked into her eyes and saw that love radiating from them. It warmed his insides and gave him the confidence he needed to finally, slowly push into her as he whispered, "I love you, too."

Once he was fully sheathed inside her, he let out a large breath, leaning down to brace his arms on either side of her head. The pressure of her clenched around him was overwhelming in the best way possible, and he never wanted to move.

But he had to.

She stroked his hair, pressing soft kisses all over his face, and whispered, "I love you."

With those three words, Spencer had the courage to pull back and then forward again, testing the waters and more accurately, his limits. He picked up a slow pace that burned him from the inside out, every muscle and vein in his body on fire with the knowledge that he was finally, properly making love to the woman he was pretty sure he wanted to spend the rest of his life with.

But he was holding back. Y/N could tell. He glided through her with ease, sure, but his eyes were squeezed shut like he was concentrating, like he was pacing himself and trying to hold on to this feeling.

She moved her hands down to his back and lightly ran her fingernails over the skin, feeling him tremble under her touch.

"You feel so good, Spence," she whispered. "So perfect for me..."

The words made his hips stutter just a little, and Y/N knew then what the hesitation was.

He wanted to go faster.

So she moved her fingers lower, cupping his ass and scratching featherlight circles into the skin as she moaned. "You like when I talk to you, baby? Does hearing my voice help you out?"

Spencer choked out a groan as he opened his eyes and saw how feral she looked. Her pupils were blown wide, her mouth was pouted cutely, and she smiled as soon as she saw him bite his lip.

"You wanna go faster?" she cooed, digging her fingernails a little harder into the flesh of his ass. "Hmm?"

"F—fuck, Y/N... I..."

"You fuck me however you need to, baby. Don't hold back. Just let it all out."

He groaned out then, his hips picking up speed. She felt the relief and the tension rolling off his body as he finally gave into his urges, and it was just about the sexiest thing she'd ever witnessed.

"That's it, baby... Don't stop... Give it to me, let me feel you..."

He leaned down and kissed her then, pumping into her harder and harder with every second. She moaned out against his mouth, swallowing all his breaths and grunts. Meanwhile her fingers gripped his ass harder, relishing in the feeling of his muscles as they aided in fucking her.

His mouth pulled away as he shoved his face into her neck, and she sighed. "You're doing so good, baby. Fuck... " His hips kept moving, and she clenched around him hard, hoping to gauge his reaction.

Sure enough, he groaned against her neck and canted his hips harder. Every thrust forward now was so deep he hit her g-spot, and the sensation made her sigh with a smile. "That's fucking right, baby... Just like that, don't stop, don't stop. You fe—el so... ohhh."

Her words lit this fire in him that was impossible to put out. His body was hers for the taking, and so he'd give her everything he had. Which is why he picked up the pace and fucked into her as hard as he could, dangerously close to finishing.

"Fuck, Spence, I'm gonna... —na..."

Y/n's moans turned into a quiet scream as she came, clenching tightly around his dick and digging her fingernails into his ass. Her eyes squeezed shut with the swirling patterns of fireworks exploding behind them, meanwhile he twitched inside of her and lost it at last. As she came down, she helped him hold himself there, deep inside her as his cum spilled over in warm increments. They both moaned out at the feeling, all their tension easing and dissipating.

By the end, all that was left between the both of them was a thin sheen of sweat and murmured promises of "I love you."

They could have fallen asleep right there. Y/N's hands slid up his backside, over his arms, and then to the back of his head, combing gently through his disheveled hair as he pressed loving kisses to the patch of skin where her neck met her collarbone. He was still inside her, unwilling to leave the warmth she provided, and she did nothing to object.

"How are you feeling?" she finally asked, opening her eyes.

Spencer tilted his head up to look at her, his heart once again swelling at the adoring look in her eyes. "I'm great."

She laughed, and he laughed with her. And they were silent for a few moments before he spoke again.

"So, uh... What we just did is what we're counting as our real first time together, right? Like, the other time doesn't count?"

Y/N laughed again, pressing a kiss to his forehead. "If you want to count this as our first time, then yes. I'd be more than happy to agree with you."

"Good. This was much better."

Even though she would never hold their first first time together against him, she was inclined to agree.

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[hitoshisbabygirl]

Author's Notes ♡:Sooooo I wrote this once with no mythological background and it was so blank because one I half read and two it had no pizzazz. So here I am...enjoying this collab wholeheartedly. For some context the readers dad is Dionysus, yknow the festive, wine maker? So I tried to incorporate that with being a potions maker! Rappa is based on a mix between Behemoths and the Kusarikku, so i wanted him just a big and a bull man hybrid but not fully a Minotaur! I hope whoever reads this enjoy it as much as I did writing it! (Also I’m slowly realizing how much I hope this man)~ bunny ❥

Here’s the lovely masterlist of the others beautiful arts!

Warnings : NSFW again! (◎_◎;)

A use of pet names l, uh some heavy size kink (if you know who I based him on, also is one of my kinks showing yet) , Needy Rappa, breeding, Light cursing, a bit of a pussy job, female oral and a bit of overstimulation.

Word count : About 6.5k (ooof) !

Paring(s) : Bullman! Kendo Rappa x F!Reader

Summary : Being a demigod had perks, you could travel, you had god and goddesses as siblings and family members and of course the power! But what happens when you have to help a stubborn farm...pet?

Enjoy ♡

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Growing up as a demigods daughter who owned a garden on earth was one experience. All types of people, gods, goddesses and hybrids needed her experience with all sorts of plants and other things from nature ; rather it be for healing medicines , a bouquet for an upset lover or for help with livestock growth, [ ] and her parents helped with every little working class they could. As [ ] went from child to young adult she was used to her fair share of men from every place asking for her attention. A human asking for her hand and giving her the bare minimum, a god, wanting to make her a goddess, or just simply flirting to warrant her attention. But alas to them all she gave them no leadway, keeping her same polite smile and overall sweetness to each and every person she dealt with. On a warm day in the heavens as she walked the sky castles grounds she ran into a farmhand, one she remembered worked for Demeter approached her hesitantly, his eyes wandering to the young maidens “U-uh M-miss [ ] right?” The male asked her , her eyebrow raising as a silent answer “Lady Demeter would like to speak with you, she need some help but she did not tell me exactly what” he said with a bow and soon turned to leave. Wondering what the goddess could want she headed to her ranch, watching the cattle and other animals graze. Suddenly the door swung wide, revealing the deity to her “[ ] my favorite niece how are you love!” The tall woman sing songingly yelled, hugging the wide eyed girl “Hello Auntie Dem, im quite alright! Uhm, what seems to be the problem? One of your hands came to get me” [ ] said as she took in the ranch home her harvesting aunt had, all sorts of gains, wheats, fruits and more spewed about in her living room “Ah yes! Your father told me how great youve become with your potions and mixes of herbs, being the daughter of Dionysus im not surprised! I told him to let you grow and do more now look at you, serving us gods and mortals alike!” Demeter went on, handing her confused niece a large apple as she took one for herself. Becoming her to a table by the window they both sat, eating on their fruit as she explained her issue.

“You see, i have a lot of cattle, different kinds, different kins and legacies, but im a bit stuck. My favorite mare, had a child a little while ago and he seemed to just be your average bull at first….but..as time went on he out grew his father, my prized minotaur bull and even his normal cow and bull family.” Taking a glance to the field they watched as the minotaur children and some sheep danced and played, other average cow cults running to join. Sighing Demeter continued “Hes a hybrid, my prized minotaur as his father and well, my biggest and prized heifer as his mother. He wont come out of the shed, doesnt deal with his other kind, minotaur or not. Hes around your age now, getting to be his prime but..he wont converse in the fields. Both his father and mother voiced concerns to me about his health but when i checked on him, hes fine! Fields away under a sun and away from my younger and ready cows! I dont get it! Maybe because hes more human than he is bull, he does have a human face and even body, just taht everything below is...well bull. Tail, those wonderful breeding-” “Auntie!” Before she could finish [ ] was hushing the woman, waving her arms “I get it i get it Bull bottom human top i dont need to hear about his loins!” She pleaded.

Laughing, the goddess reached to a pile of hay, whistling to feed some of the nearby cows “Ah you silly girl, I was only gloating about my finest bull yet! I even tried bringing him mortals but...he crushed them, saying they were too small. Every single one! Younger older it didnt matter, he wanted nothing to do with them and just squashed them like a bug under his hoofs! I'm at my wits end, Im not sure what he needs, and hes so large i cant just let him walk around the palace place, he intimidates the clerks and huffs when talked to!” Dramatically laying against the table she looked to the thinking girl, her eyes shining with an idea “Hey auntie, how about you take me to him, i can see if hes loss any weight or seems sickly anywhere. Where do you think hed be at this time?” [ ] asked “Ah you brave girl, what time is it, almost high noon? He might be in the field but its the one with my giant tree that he likes” Demeter responded, pointing to a large tree up a few fields with nothing much around it but luhs grass. “Doesnt even matter if i put up a fence, he walks on two legs so he just hops over it” She sighed again as the duo headed outside.

Seeing a tall minotaur coming towards them [ ] stopped along Demeter, her goddess aunt speaking “Ah Milvor, how are you and Altine?” “Lady Demeter and I'm guessing this is [ ], we are fine. The misses is in the field now, seeing if she can see our boy” He said. Realizing that this was the after for her case [ ] spoke up “Uhm sir have you noticed anything amiss with er-” “Kendo, his name is Kendo” The Minatour said “Ah yes with Kendo, anything seem to be hurt or missing from his way of life” She asked. “Well..not particularly. Hes always fought some of the other males here so bruises and marks are a common thing we see from him. Besides a broken horn he doesn't have anything major going on. Just that he refuses to be around anyone here. Even us at times when were out with the others” He said solemnly , looking at the girl. Grabbing her hands he pleaded “Please, help our son? I know he can be rude and dismissive but down there our sweet boy is in there, were worried sick about him” Milvor said, a sad moo coming from his approaching wife “Miss i do appreciate you checking on him, I just hope he'd be home soon” A half cow women spoke , coming beside this Kendo’s father “Well i'll do my best, it doesnt sound like hes too hurt or anything serious so i'll make sure to try and get him to be with you both” Giving a reassuring smile [ ] started off, heading to the tree at the top of them hill. Just before she got far Demeter called to her, handing her sweet wheat “Heres some of his snack, he sometimes will come back if we offer him more” She said. Taking the wheat and putting it in the side of her flowing peplos. Soon with enough treading uphill , she got close to the tree , soon seeing a tail swish from in front of the tree. Hesitantly she walked forward before seeing hooved legs, also covered in black fur, pop out from the tree. Placing a hand at the side that had no person on it she peeked over to in fact , find a rather giant back in the sun, small flecks of freckles on the toned skin. Holding her gift closer she walked to the male before hearing a snort “ ‘M tellin’ ya Elinor I dont want nothin’ to do with ya, go on, go back to the heard” A rough and deep voice said, a larger hand coming up to wave off whoever was behind him. Feeling a bit bad for this mysterious Elinor and offended, she was brushed off [ ] walked closer , standing at the ends of his legs until the male growled. “I told ya to-'' Stopping himself from yelling once he turned around he was surprised to find not hybrid named Elinor but in fact the small [ ] her eyes widening as amber ones looked down “Yer not Elinor” He said as [ ] giggled “And im guessing youre Kendo” She said as the bull sat up, cruising his legs and the curious woman in front of her. “Whos askin?”

He huffed as [ ] looked at him as she did the same , sitting across from the hybrid “A…. doctor of sorts. Your parents, along with Goddess Demeter asked me to come check on you, see how youre doing” she said as he huffed again “ ‘M fine, now why did they send you” He said as he watched her pull things out, paper , a quill, ink and is that..? Pointing to the bustle of wheat he called out “Is that… for me?” Blinking [ ] looked at the almost childish Kendo, smiling as she untied the snack “It is for you, I heard you liked it. Brought it in the hopes youd talk to me?” She questioned, holding a piece out for him to take. Hesitantly he did, gnawing at it as he hummed in delight, his tail swishing. “ So uhm… Doc what do want to know” He asked, watching as the smaller girl touched his chest and arms, squeezing lightly as she wrote down different things “If ya wanted to touch me ya shouldve asked” He teased, taking his own hand to her face. Felling he face warm up she moved back, poking him with a finger “Now now be good im just seing if youre injured. Besides that horn, do you have anything broken or doenst feel well?” She asked as she waved a pisces of wheat, making him focus. “Nah, im as fit as a fiddle” Side eyeing his response she still gave him a piece , hearing him hum in delight as she wrote more notes.

“So no injuries, no pain , nothing?” shaking his head he continued to eat , taking some pieces from her bundle as she reached for the uneatten pieces “Hey! No you get these as a reward for answering me not to eat at your leisure!” She scolded. Reaching as far as she could she grabbed at his hand before he lifted them higher, smirking “Well miss doc i want what i want, and I want my snack” He said before she grabbed his arm, poking a manicured nail at it hand “Well Kendo ill let you have it if you tell me whats wrong, without covering it up deal?” Feeling him flinch at her poking she did it again until he moved away , glaring at her through his bangs that hung low “Fine! Stop poking me though, ya nails hurt! And theres nothing wrong, i just dont like ‘em cows! They stink!” He said as he knelt closer, moving her from his arm. “They stink? How old are you 5? Why do they stink!” [ ] huffed back as he chewed more of his treat, looking to the flustered girl “Im 22 in human years little girl , and like i said they stink! Reeks like open sores and meat” He said as he kept eating , laying in the sun. Thinking over his words it dawned in her what he could be talking about “And what do i smell like Kendo?” [ ] asked, catching the half bull off guard “I dunno, you dont stink, Neither does lady Dem” He said as he turned to her. Leaning over she gave him a piece of wheat again but this time, pushing herself a bit forward, watching as his body shook before he took the piece , eating it. “Well Kendo, my name is [ ] and ill be checking on you moreoften okay? I need to run down to the house but ill be back if that's okay with you?” Silently he shook his head, watching her run off as he opened his still crossed legs, feeling himself unsleeth as he groaned ‘Shit...now why am I gettin turned on’ he thought to himself, rubbing away what he could before the girl came back

As soon as she got to the farm she was met with the eyes of the worrying three, the first to speak being his mother Altine “Oh! [ ] youre back!” She said, the bell on her neck dangling as she ran to the fence “How is my boy? Kendo is he alright?” she asked as Demeter and Milvor came soon after for the report “Well maam i can confirm he is healthy, not is wrong with him the only thing is..” [ ] hesitated as she looked at them “He might have a heat approaching, is this his first one by any chance?” SHe asked as they all looked at eachother, Demeter speaking up “Well not exactly, this is why I kept bringing mortals up here, he wouldnt mate with the cows, and even other hybrids! Nothing! Hed turn his nose up at them all and go back to that field. He actually broke that horn of his fighting a bull from a neighboring farm who wanted to cow that was trying to get his attention” Demeter said, sigh as she saw her nieces blank face , afraid she overwhelmed her “Its alright if you dont think hes fixable [ ] i can-” “No hes fine. I can help him, and i think it wont be that hard either” [ ] said, giving the group a smile. “Watch him for a few days for me , im gonna go back up there with him, see how he is then come back in a few days with some of my things, ill stay here as long as need be to help your son” She said as she gave them all a smile, going inside to get her something to eat. Soon she hear her aunt appear, shuffling about to give her a basket to put her things in “Here, Im so gald helping him is a easy fix” She said sighing happily as she continued “I know he should mate on his own time, but im more concerned for his heath of it all, he doesnt even release into anyone or even by himself” Glancing towards her auntie she took in a breath before saying something “Well, i know it has to be bad now, he even said the er, cow women here stink, so their hormone have to be covered with other bulls or maybe he genuinely doesnt see appeal with them” [ ] said. Thinking it over Demeter gave her an almost alarming look “Well if thats the case just as you arrived he asked me what i was cooking, that something smelt good. I told him I didnt have anything and he just retreated back to his part of the barn before leaving for the field again.” Slowly [ ] realized she might be in for more than she imagines but brushed it off. “Interesting..” She said as she took her full basket “I have an idea, im gonna see if his heat hits its peaking times in a few days, I do plan on staying here if youd have me here?” She asked as a delighted look spread across Demeter’s face “Of course dear child! I missed having you around! Your Father was bad at bringing you over, him and his festivals” Demeter huffed before she poked her nieces cheek “Besides! We can have a girls night, or well er, weeks depending!” She said as the laughed together “Well it's a deal!”

Heading back up the hill she saw that Kendo had moved, facing a running river as he sast in the sun once more, looking content. [ ] smirked to herself before grabbing some of the things she had ; a brush, a lavish soap and a towel. Heading to where the behemoth of a hybrid laid she noticed his ear twitched, before he opened an eye to look back at her. “Hey Doc, ya back.” He said as she gave him a smile, sitting beside his head “Why yes I am. You seem to be enjoying yourself” She teased as he smirked, turning to face her. “Well i do enjoy the sun, keeps me warm nd my hair soft.” Looking him over again she noticed that his hair was always up in a bun but his bangs covering his eyes, a different hue of color, more of a rustic red than his black furred legs. “Well about that...Im gonna give you a bath!” the giant bull flinched at her words, seeing the happy look gracing her face “Oi now look, ‘m fine i dont need no bath” He argued as she pouted “Why sure you do! I know you dont go when the others get theirs, and if that bun of yours is any indication, you need to wash all of that dirt and grime off. Now let me help you” She barked back, pointing the soft looking brush towards his face. He stood up, now overthrowing the girls height as he pointed a finger at her “Now look, I like being this way, it keeps those girls offa me if you clean me now they wont leave me alone!” [ ] sighe before stepping closer, pointing her own small hand at his face, moving closer “Now you listen to me Kendo, I have things to help keep them off of you, this is for your own health! I can leave you here, dirty but your hair and fur is gonna get so matted theyll have to shave you!”

At hearing a potential that hed be shave Kendo flinched, moving his bangs so his soft eyes could meet her determined ones “Theyll shave me? Ion wanna be like the sheep” he said she she gave him a satisfied look. “Well go into the water then and ill make sure you wont!” Reluctantly he sighed, walking into the river as she followed behind, pinning her longer robe so it wouldnt get too wet as she sat at the side of the river. Holding a hand out she waved him closer, the male coming to her as she undid his hair. To her utter surprise it fell down his shoulders, stopping just short of his waist. Gently she pushed his bangs back to see his pretty amberish eyes looking up to her [ ]’ed ones. He had a typical Bull hook through his nose , the gold shining in the warm sun. He was quite handsome, sun kissed skin and a clear face, broad shoulders and a nice body. Even with his mostly human body his horns, tail and ears were bull, on top of his legs and...neithers , that were covered in fur. Softly she traced a scar under his eye, the wound slightly tender as he jumped from the touch. Going to her wrist she tied a string to hold his long bangs up, a giggle falling from her lips as he almost looked like a younger child getting a bath “What're you lookin at me like that for” He huffed as she laughed more, pushing his face together “You look like an upset child is all. Now go ahead and dip in the water for me , ill scrub you after.” Listening to her, Kendo dropped watching as some of the debris and dirt washed off around him as he stood up, shaking his hair “Good enough?” He asked as she shook her head, pouring some of the sopa on the brush as she started to was his chest,making sure to scrub him as clean as she could from land. Sensing her struggle he reached to her, lifting her over his body as she squealed “Sorry, you were just strugglin so i thought i'd help you” Kendo said as [ ] hesitantly started to wash as much as she could, tapping his arm anytime she needed to move. Being up there did help, she was able to was his horns and his hair, revealing the rust orange and copper hair underneath. Surprised she ran her finger though it, giving him a shy smile. “See dont you feel a bit better?” She asked as he shyly nodded, noticing how her clothes clinged to her chest. He reached to put her back on land, coming out of the water himself as he allowed her to scrb his legs and hoofs, the dull black fur coming to life as he watched in awe. She didnt mind helping him, still came to bother him when he said he didnt want help and now she was bathing him. Kendo mulled over how helpful she was, and realized she was more comforting than most. After scrubbing his hoofs shiny she tapped his legs, signaling she was done.

“All right! Now that youre all clean and such Ill make sure you stay this way okay Kendo?” [ ] said as she went back to the basket, pulling out two apples. The bull in question watched as she came back to him, handing him the other one “Here ya go! Thought you could use something sweet” kendo took the apple from the girl, before biting into it, thanking hier softly as they sat in silence. Soon [ ] spoke up, breaking their silet aurora “So...ill be around here the next few days or so, ill probably stay longer, giving how nice it is” She laughed, looking at the curious male beside her “Dont be afraid to ask me for anything okay? Im here to help you” With that Kendo nodded, going back to the apple. Quietly Kendo touched her arm, making [ ] look to him as an unfamiliar look went over his face. Gently herself, [ ] put her hand on his, shaking her head as a signal for him to talk. “Would you mind...pettin me?” he asked before [ ]’s eyes went wide. Now feeling a bit more embarrassed he spoke up again “I have problems going to sleep, ‘ts why i like it out here in the sun, its warm , nd comforting…” Pausing he continued after he got his words together. “You do the same thing like the sun. Youre warm...comforting.. And make me feel sleepy...so if you pet me...ill be comforted to sleep..its what my mama did, but im too big to be in her lap” With that kendo finished, glancing to the girl who gave him a soft look “Of course i can! I have to get pick some more clothes up but once i get back, I can stay with you out here.” Shaking his head Kendo looked back to the river “Ya dont have to sleep outside with me just...put me to sleep” Unable to stop herself [ ] hugged his arm, looking at him through her lashes “Oh cmon you big baby, I dont mind it! Havent slept under the stars since i was a kid!” Brushing off her dress she ran a hand though his thick locs of hair, giving him another warm hug “Ill be back before sundown, now you be good” And with that he watched as his new found friend walked down the hill.

As promised she brought a blanket and joined him, laying under the tree as the large male went to sleep on her lap, contently humming as [ ] ran her fingers through his hair, making Kendo groan as he fell asleep like mentioned, hugging her thighs as he slept the most comfortable he had in weeks. Watching the hybrid sleep she saw all types of scars, some down his back , others on his chest. A few on his arms and only one on his face, plus the broken horn. He obviously got himself into different groups of problems, but he was sweet, not as curt as he expected. Running her fingers down his back she watched him shiver, going to wrap his arms higher around her torso. Giggling as softly as she could [ ] started to braid his hair back in his sleep, the moving under her ceasing as he was well resting once more. Thinking to herself ‘ If he’ll be like this it should be a breeze to help him.’ Oh how wrong she was.

A few days passed with little to no incident , [ ] going around helping with the daily chore and hanging out with her deity auntie. As the two of them sat in the living quarters, drinking a mixed juice that her father set them they heard a bell appear towards the window, it being Kendo’s mother “I'm so sorry to bother you , but i think something is gravely wrong. Kendo is whining in the shed, earlier he even started to-” Before she could finish a thumb came from his shed, followed by a groan “and that, he's been head butting his room” sitting up [ ] looked to his shed, seeing the door shut but large banging still coming from inside “Hey Auntie, is it alright if we could move him to the other field? I dont want his lashing to accidentally hurt anyone here” Coming besides [ ] Demeter chewed at her lip, thinking “Well, if we can stop him then yes, I'd get the boys to move it quickly”. With that answer [ ] got up, heading to the rocking shed. Taking in a breath she knocked, hearing that the groans subsided. The door slowly creaked open, showing a heaving Kendo “[ ].....?” He whispered, looking over her body as she reached to his forehead, pressing her hand against it. Hot, way too hot. “Kendo, sweetie come with me okay? We’re gonna go to the fields and we're gonna move your shed there okay?” Silently he nodded, coming out of his place. He was gasping, chest heaving as his eyes swirled a darker color than normal. Taking the outstretched hand of [ ] his larger fingers curled against it, following the light pull of the girl. Softly, He nudged her back “ ‘M hot..” he said as she looked back at him, making sure the fever wasn't wearing him down. He gave her a weak smile, rubbing the back of her hand “ ‘M alright princess, just hot” Kendo said as she noted how his voice dropped octaves. “Well theyre gonna bring a bigger shed for you out here and ill check on you every hour. Does anything hurt?” [ ] asked as they walked up the hill “Nah, but my horns are ackey.” “Is that why you were bashing them on the shed?” “Yeah...its like trying to scratch an itch you can reach” Kendo sighed, seeing his usual tree coming into view. As the duo got there he dramatically fell under it, pulling [ ] with him. “K-kendo! Careful!” she fussed as he let go of her apologizing as he drifted to sleep. Soon some of the workers had started working on the new roomed shed for him , finishing just before sundown as they would inform Demeter of where she was.

Gently pushing the deep sleeping boy from her lap she went to his new place, checking everything out. It was more of a small home than a shed, filled with a huge bed and a nice aesthetic to them, the touch of the goddess laced through the look of the place. Going around to sort some of the things they brought for Kendo, [ ] felt a presence behind her “whats all this..” the groggy bull said, ducking down to walk into his lavish bedroom “Your new home! I had them build something spacious but also not overwhelming, and these white are just so lovely.” [ ] kept talking as she soon felt two large arms wrap around her torso “ Ya did this for little ol me..?” He whispered as she ran a hand over his forearm. “I did...you need somewhere to relax in this state” She responded, trying to get from his grasp as he tighten it “Uh uh dont leave...tell me whats wrong with me doc..why cant I stop feeling hot...and anytime you come around I...cant help myself” He ended with a groan , burying his face in the shorter girls neck “Well once im sure of you being in a state of need ill be back okay? Just...relax for me and i promise ill be back.” finally convincing him to let go of her waist, not without a pained groan as he went to the bed, hazy eyes glancing over the short dress wearing girl “Get some more rest okay? Im gonna get something to eat and ill be back in the morning. Call me if you need me okay?” [ ] said as he just groaned a meek response, turning to his side.

Earlier the next morning [ ] woke up to an empty house. Stretching she found a neatly written note with some food on the table

Dearest Niece, Im currently headed to your Uncle Poseidon's place, I should be back some time later ; an update on Kendo, hes been begging for you all day, wont let anyone touch him or check on him. He should be awake now but do be warned ; He’s a lot more scatterbrained than usual

Auntie Demeter

Reading over the note again [ ] sighed, putting on her more comfortable and workable dress as she headed up to his new little house on his hill, the sound of groaning and whines coming to her ears as she got to his door. Seeing it ajar she pushed it open slightly, the place dark except from a crack of light coming from the window. Going to the shades she opened them, hearing a hiss from the bed. “Kendo its me..[ ]?” She called out as the wild set of hair came into view. He was even more disheveled, eyes filled over as he looke to the girl before growling, crawling out of the bed to her. With a gasp she was in his arms, body shaking as she was met with unnaturally feral eyes from the boy. “You left me yesterday..” he rapeseed out, burying his face in her neck again as she grabbed at his thick neck “Kendo honey, i told you id be back this morning didnt i?” She calmly said as he held her tighter, pushing her chest to his “Dont care, ‘ts too long” Realizing why he was so needy [ ] tried to reason with him “Well im sorry love, here lets sit down on the bed” Trying to get him to move she walked forward only to feel something large and hot push into her bare thigh. Nervously she looked down only to be faced to what she feared it was ; His hanging member. A wicked laugh came from above her as she was met with his ever lust driven eyes, a hand of his going to cup her ass and pull her closer “See what you left me with? No matter how hard i fuck my fist i cant cum, it wont come out” He whined and burried his face again, rocking himself on her thigh “Please ill do anythin..youre the only one who sgotten me like this...the only one i want..[ ] please princess help me” Overwhelmed but the situation she tried to pull back, eyes searching his “K-kendo youre getting yourself worked up relax-” Without warning he picked her up, making her screech as he brought her crouch to his face, inhaling as he whimpered, reaching down to his growing dick “Fuck you smell good, like flowers...and sweets..” Letting his tongue roll out he sucked over her panties, making her squeal as she gripped his messy hair “N-no kendo put me down i need to help y-you!” She moaned as his tongue flicked over her clit, a mutual groan coming from both of them. Soon a hard tug to his hair resonated, cause him to put her down as she barely touched the floor, hand grabbing his biceps “Kendo please, please sit down youre overworking yourself.” Trying to calm her racing heart she saw how hazed he was, his hand coming to wrap around his visually throbbing head, stroking himself as tight and fast as he could, looking at the awe struck girl infront of him. His hips lifted up as he was chasing a high but he soon groaned, thrusting meekly in his fist “I-I cant, fuck I cant do it doll, ‘t hurts...p-please” Finally snapping from her haze she got closer to Kendo, hand still trying to milk himself as she put her hand over his, stoping the motion.

“K-ken..ill help you okay? Youre gonna rub yourself raw at this pace..” nervously [ ] pulled his hand away, precum coating it as she gulped. He was huge, red and swollen tip curved in the right places. Even with his bull heritage he was still humanly manageable, but with a lot of work to try and get it to fit. With her staring at the intimidating size it twitched , curving up to his belly button as he gave her a lop sided snarl “ Cmon darlin, he... er, we need you . ya keep staring make me feel a bit exposed” He laughed as [ ] gave her own light chuckle. Facing her fears she wrapped a hand around his tip, a hurting yelp falling from Kendo at the touch made her eyes flicker to him but what she saw was pure lust, eyes blown with his tongue licking over his lips “Y-yes finally...shit I-i can feel somethin” Kendo couldnt help himself. Reaching down he grabbed her other hand , wrapping them tightly around his tip as he thrusted between them. “Mhmm im cumin, im gonna cum o-oh shit” As soon as she twisted her wrist to help him he felt himself twitch , spurts of warm cum splattering on [ ]’s face and the floor a he gave her a nervous laugh “S-shit doll face yer good...im sorry i couldnt hold it in..” he said shyly as [ ] gave him a sympathetic look, stroking over his still throbbing head. “[ ] please...can I fuck you? I-I promise ill go slow its juts the smell of you is..mhmm intoxicating” Kendo pulled her up from her knees, pressing his mouth against her clinging panties ,pulling them with his teeth. [ ] squeaked, grabbing his hair as he pushed her hips closer, trying to lick her. “W-wait ill take em off” Pushing at his shoulders she pulled the piece he had in his mouth out, sliding the flimsy lace as she came a bit closer, a growl coming from his lips as he pushed her dress higher, finally able to taste her. Throwing one leg then the next on his shoulder kendo fell back, making her fall onto his lips.

[ ] let a pitched moan come out, startled by his rummaging in between her thighs , his diligent uskcing on her clit taking a toll as she came, bucking her hips onto his mouth. Swallowing her juices Kendo flipped her on her stomach, pushing the fabric of her dress up and over her shoulder to release her covered chest, now exposed “mhmm i want more of that sweet nectar baby why dont you give it to me?” whispering in her ear and now bucking his even harder dikc between her small lips [ ] started to panic “K-Ken wait I dont think youll fit!” ignoring her thrashing Kendo looked over her body, seeing how she shook at every stroke of his tip against her sopping core “I told ya ill be gentle, hold still [ ]...i wouldnt hurt my mate” The heaviness of those word took over [ ]’s body as she looked back to him, only to see the save behemoth size push against her ring of muscles. Agonizingly slow he pushed, letting his tip slide in as he pushed each small inch he could in, a whine falling from them both. Once he was halfway in he slowly thrust his hips, causing the girl to yelp “I-its alright i got ya okay? Youre fine...its okay im here” Constantly praising her , Kendo was able to slip more into her, each mini thrust pushing him a bit closer to her, the sounds of squishing and pleasure filled moans filling the room. Becoming overwhelmed at almost being full [ ] pushed her hips back to take the rest, making Kendo yelped and [ ] moaned, the sudden feeling of him bottoming out almost too much as he placed his hand on her stomach, feeling him brush her cervix. Swinging his hips more fluidly he started to pounder her even more, gripping her neck as he pushed her deeper in the bed “Fuck yeah i knew youd be my perfect little minx, taking me so well i cant wait to see you swollen with my babies” He huskily whispered , the stretched out girl too blissed at taking him whole to care about his words.

“I bet youd love being my mate, wouldnt have to lift a finger for anything , id take good care of ya..” Continuing his beating against her cervix he felt something strong hed never felt before, a blind need to cum hitting him like a train “mhm..please let me breed you, this pussys’ mine, all i ever wanted...ill make you a cute little house wife hm? Make you swell with cute little us running about.” Feeling her weakening clench over him he reached for that bundle of nerves, switching his hips to hit even deeper, his throbbing dick pushing against that sponge in her walls. Crying out [ ] fell lower, feeling him slip impossibly deeper as he sped up.” Cmon [ ] , babygirl cum for me..give me it..t-then i can give you what you want yeah? Fill ya to the brim so you can bear me a strong child….”Finally at that the little sense of control snapped coming from a particularly hard push and roll of her clit she was whining , grabbing the arm beside her head as angry red lines welted up. Feeling her hit her peak Kendo got to his knees , nursing her bud as she tried to tug him away, thighs shaking as teary eyes looked down to his fierce lust filled one. As soon as she started whimpering and pulling her hips away he stopped, scrubbing his tip along her folds as he entered without too much pull, [ ]’s mouth falling open “Mh..i'm so close baby...just wanted to look at you when I fill you full..” Kendo felt his tip twitch, making his hips stutter as he picked his pace up again, watching as her arms went are far as they could to his back, stretching his shoulders as he came with a growl, and almost audible sound of him pumping in her heard as she weakly pulled him closer, their lips meeting in a intimate kiss.

With care he pulled from her lips, seeing her eyes fill up again as he kissed tears away “Its alright...its okay ‘m here princess...its alright..I didnt hurt you did I?” Kendo asked as he looke at her slightly bulged stomach, a satisfied smirk on his lips “ Hey [ ]...” He started as she gave a weak hum he continued “Be my mate..I know i didnt ask before filling you bu...id be honored to make such a caring woman my mate and wife...treat you just like my father does my mom..…” He said, nuzzling her cheek before [ ] pulled his face up, kissing him lightly as she gave him a tired smile, rubbing his cheeks “I-id be honored to be your mate..take good care of me okay? Or Auntie Demeter has your head..” Laughing he kissed her lips again, sealing their new deal

[kaz11283]

46. “I’m in love…shit” with Loki. If you are still wanting requests. No pressure your stuff is amazing!

46) I'm In Love....Shit

I think I'm in Love

Summary: you and Loki spend some time together, later while talking to Thor in their mothers garden Loki comes to realize that he is absolutly in love with you.

Announcement: I havent been very with it these past few days and I feel like I have been slacking in a way. I have been so busy that by the time I finally get home and I am able to relax a pass out because I am so tired. I am trying to get better at this though and I am trykng ro work out a schedule for Fire and Ice maybe set a day of the week for that and just do requests durimg the rest of the week. I love you all and thank you so much for the love that you guys give me!!! 💚💚💚💚

~~~~~

"Darling! It was absolutly hilarious." Loki laughted looking down at you.

"It was not and you know that very well Loki!" You said reaching up pulling a twig from your hair. You and Loki had decided to go out and ride since it was a pretty spring day and there was nothing else to do.

"Come here and let me help you." He pulled you to a stop so that he could help pull leaves and twigs from your hair. "You should have held on tighter." He smiled pulling the last of it from yojr hair.

"You should mot have slapped her tonmake her run off, Mr. Mischief." You said playfully smacking him on the arm.

"Watch yourself my dove." He warned stalking over to you.

"Oh what are you going to do about it Mr. Trickster?" You laughed pulling up you dress so you could take a few steps back. "This whole prowling thing doesnt intimidate me like it does your other fair maidens." You laughed loudly. He stopped and stared at you.

"My Lady y/n for you to think there are other besides you I would rather spend my time with." He placed a hand on his heart. "Why, you are absolutly right." He took off after you while you squealed with delight and ran away.

You ran from him up one of the paths that lead between the orchard and the castle walls. There were hidding spots all through there were the two of you use to hid when you were younger, the tall bushes being the perfect hidding spot to keep out of view from him. As you two chased and played you didnt realize there were two others observing.

Thor and Frigga warches from the balcony of her quarters as the sounds of screaming and laughing rose to them.

"How long do you think it will take for them to realize how in love they truly are?" Thor turned to his mother.

"Son, they have been doing this same song and dance now since before they were teenagers. Sometimes it takes a while for somethingblike that to become obvious." She answered leaning onto the rail.

"It is very obvious to others." Thor was happy that Loki had you but he knew that his brother wanted more he could tell by the way his eyes would light up when you were around.

"Though it is obvious to us it may not be as obvious to them. They are simply best friends that spend every hour of every day together." She sighed. She had taken you in and had let you start training with the other ladies working on how to be a princess.

"I dont understand allmother why I should start these. I am not fit to be a princess." You stated after your first class.

"But one day you will be. You may even rule over the kingdom." She said with a knowing smile.

"Thor, call for your brother please, it is time to start preparing for the banquet tonight." She placed her hand on his shoulder and gave a final look down to the garden where you and Loki where laughing loudly after he had caught you.

"Yes mother." Thor walked off.

"Loki! Mother wanted to let you know its time to start gettkng ready for tonight." Thor yelled through the garden trying to find the two of you.

"Ah, Lady Y/N, will You be joining the festivities tonight?" Thor bowed to you.

"Yes, I do hope you save a dance for me, will you Thor?" I asked smiling up at the blonde prince.

"As long as Loki doesn't stab me for it, I would love nothing more Lady Y/n." He took your hand and kissed the top of it.

"I shall see you both later." You curtsied and walked away.

"Brother," Thor smiled placing a hand on his brothers shoulder. "Does my eyes deceive me or could you possibly have a crush on Lady y/n?"

Loki moaned looking at Thor. "For the thousandth time, I do not have a crush on her. She is my best friend, someone I can talk to. Vent to when everything in the castle is just to much."

"Then I guess it would not bother you to bad to know that Fandral has asked if she would be attending tonight." This caused Loki to stumble slightly. "Said that if she wasnt escourted by anyone he could possibly have a chance to 'get to know her tonight'."

"Y/n wouldnt give that oaf the time of day much less attend anything with him. She has more class than that i dare say." Loki rolled his eyes.

"Well he hasnt asked her yet. Saod he figured he would wait till tonight and just meet her there. Said he couldnt wait to see just how pretty she looked." Thor gave Loki a sode ways glance and smirked.

"She can do so much better than him. She has better taste in book, though I doubt that he can even read," he tutted, "more grace, she is a wonderful listener, and he cant even dance that well." Loki stopped in front of his chamber doors.

"Loki, is that jealousy that i am sensing from you?" Thor raised an eye brow.

"By Norns, no Thor. It is not. I simply worry that she will be stuck with him the rest of the night and not be able to get away from him." He opened his door and walked inside his room. His heart was pounding, he did feel jealous. He was jealous that the time he would normally be spending with you would be spent with someone else. The only smart thing for him to do was to get ready and meet you.at your quarters so that he could escort you there and keep Fandral away from you. Of course time wouldnt work in his favor that night.

When you had arrived at your chambers you noticed a box with a note on top of it with Thors messy handwriting.

Lady y/n, I decided to take the liberty and pick out a simple dress for you for tonight. Though I realize that you must already have one but when I had seen this one I knew that i had to get it for you. I know the one you chose must be just as beautiful as you are i would greatfully appreciate it if youncould wear this one.

You rolled your eyes at thw thought of Thor picking out a dress for you, red and gold, he is by no means quarting you butnhe would do that type of thing just to get under Loki s skin.

When you opened the box the first thing you noticed was a beautiful golden chain that you assumed would go around your head, with an emerald that would sit lightly between your eyes. You removed more of the paper and noticed the dark green hues from the dress, when you pulled it from the box you noticed that the skirt hit midthight and the sleeves had cuts in them the material hanging from your shoulders to the ground. Next to the box was yet another note feom Thor.

Just go with it and lets see how you like it, the matching shoes are shoved under your bed. Dont worry thank me later by dancing with me.

You could see his face in your mind, picture him winking at you. You would surly kill him for this, or at least step on his feet.

After you finished pulling your hair half up and half down with a few braids falling from the side and finished your makeup you took a deep breath and stepped out of the door. You didnt understand why you were nervous but you were, its wasnt like you had never wore green before but this time it was different, this time there was nothing but green. It looked as if you were trying to say something.

You had always liked Loki, you has been friends since you were kids. Loki was your best friend, he was kind, caring, giving, compassionate in things that he truly cared about. You could talk to him about anything and he would listen, what you loved more than anything isnthat when he was with you all of his guards were down, you were the only one that got to see that side of him. You knew in your head though that he would see it as a compliment from his best friend as he sanced the night away with numerous other girls vying for his attention.

"You look....lovely?" Fendrel glanced at you as you walked into the dinning hall. "Might I be lucky to have a dance before you are snagged away by one of the princes?"

"Of course you may." You smiled holding your hand out to him. "You have always been a good lead Fandrel."

He took you spinning you onto the dance floor were some couples parted to make room for the two of you. He placed his hand on your lower back and pulled you closer to him. "You are quite a beautiful woman Lady Y/n, any man is lucky to be able to spin you around the floor." You blushed looking away from him, as you scaned the room you noticed Thor and Loki quietly talking to themselves. Loki looked handsome in his royal outfit, black and gold elegantly intertwining woth each other causing the emerald green to pop and to being ojt his eyes.

"Honestly brother, if she had planned on coming with him why did she have to wear my color? She knows by now what that stated." Loki rolled his eyes looking back to you and Fandral twirling around the dance floor.

"Maybe she didnt think much about it. You do realize that it is simply a color? There are many others here wearing it also." Thor said grabbing two glasses of wine and handing one to Loki.

"You truly are an idiot if you that she just so happened to pick out something like that, that just so happened to be my color. She wanted to make a statement." He handed his glass back to Thor and walked down the few steps leading to where you were dancing not noticing the small smile on Thors face.

"You know you are just as mischievous as your brother." Frigga came to stand beside him causing him to jump.

"Mother, I have no idea what you are talking about."

"Of course you dont son, just be careful, you could possibly be playong with fire on this one. Once they find out it was you setting this all up there no telling what they might do." Thors face dropped at the thought of the two of you teaming up aginst him.

~~~~~~~

ANNOUNCEMENT: OK Annon, I havent put the "I think I'm in love" prompt in this one because in all honesty this one I got carried away on and it was getting so long! I am making a part 2 and will add the link in once I am finished with it, i may actually have time today or tonight to start on it. Thank you so so much for the request and I love that it actually took me away and I didnt even realize how much I had wrote until I looked at it this morning! Keep an eye out for part 2 coming soon!!!

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[twatshag]

♤ Sakusa kiyoomi's night terrors ♤

Unfaithful. Oh it was just a dream. But why did it feel so real...

Genre: fluff to angst and then back to fluff, smut

Pairing: TIMESKIP both characters!!!!!sakusa x fem reader (in dream atsumu X READER)

Warnings: smut in dream, you cheating in the dream (you wrong for dat sis😩)

M DNI!!!

HIS POV small glimpse of your pov as well

—----------------------------------------------—

What a day. I sighed looking at the clock it was only 5 pm. Y/n was going to be here at 8 pm. I cleaned and already bought groceries for dinner.

I'm quite satisfied with how things looked around the apartment. As of lately y/n decided to bring me some plants and decorations everytime she visited, because in her opinion my apartment looked lifeless and bland.

I smiled softly thinking about tonight. I'm going to ask her to move in with me today. I mean I hope she doesnt mind. Maybe she'll be taken back by my sudden request or oh god what if she rejects me.. ?

I gulped trying to focus on the show I was watching and pushing back all the negative outcomes. She told me about this show during one of our phone calls and told me that I'd definitely enjoy it. She knows me so well, god I can't wait to tell her how much I appreciate her today.

As of lately I've been gathering up the courage to finally tell her that I'm ready to have intercourse with her. She's been so loving and patient this whole time I can't imagine how sweet she is for waiting up 6 months for me. I couldn't imagine if there was anyone who'd be so willing to respect my very picky boundaries but there she was.

I can't help but think about how it would feel for me and her being so close together. And becoming one. I blushed deeply at the thought. After all there Is one benefit of her not living with me.

That's not seeing me blush like this tsk. I bet she'd give me that smug smile and ask if I'm okay. I rolled my eyes thinking about her smug smile.

I never really asked if she's had.. intercourse with someone before. What if I wasn't good enough to satisfy her expectations..? What if.. she rejects my offer? What if I hurt her during it ? Oh god I don't want that. My head plagued me with bad thoughts about the idea of trying to satisfy her and failing miserably.

Y/n is absolutely gorgeous, all my team mates seem to love her and hell I really hate the way that stupid setter of a team mate looks at her.

I can't help but get jealous because she seems so comfortable with him. Sometimes I even find myself comparing the alternative realities of her being with him instead.

He's easy going has no stupid boundaries and he probably has a ton of experience to satisfy her.. my heart clenched at the thought of her leaving me for him.

I pushed those thoughts back once again. I looked at the clock it read 5:30 pm. Maybe I can dose off and when she comes around I'll tell her everything that's on my mind. I can't keep on post poning things.

I closed my eyes long forgotten about the show playing in the background as I waited for her.

~~~~~\\~~~~~~~~~~\~~\\\~~\\\\\~~~~~~\\\~\~~~~

My eyes shot open as I heard muffled sounds in my apartment. Just what the hell was that?

I groaned as I sat up and looked at the clock it read 6:50 pm. Could she have arrived early?

The sounds were coming from the bedroom I smiled softly as I heard her beautiful voice. A voice that's so gentle when talking to me, so soft when she notices the way I slump from a long day of practice. Everything I've ever wanted in a woman. Was mine to keep and cherish.

I peeked through the crack and I noticed someone hovering over the bed. Smiling I opened it more to see what she was doing.

"Oh god yes yes tsumu right there." I felt my heart rip out of my chest. There she laid in my own apartment,in my own bed. With him. On top of her kissing her neck and thrusting into her.

She clung to him harder than she's ever clung to me.

Her mouth hung open and the so beautiful voice was now a curse I was hearing.

He kissed her neck hungrily.

"Ya feel so good angel-so fucking good." He quickened his pace while kissing her disgustingly his tongue gracing her so beautiful skin and infecting it. "Tsumu- aghnn mmhm yes-God fuck yes- yes y-ea-s." I wanted to scream, to move and tear them apart, to burn the whole apartment down hell even to avert my eyes but I couldn't.

Everything I've loved sat there being caressed by another man. That man was not me.

That man was someone better than I'll ever be.

Her gaze fell on me. Tears perked up my eyes looking at her stone lust filled eyes.

She gave me a smug smile.. That smug smile that was always so playfully displayed looked much darker than ever. No hint of playfulness or mercy. No hint of fake innocence as it once had.

"You've always been such a burden sakusa." I flinched at her tone and the mention of my last name, while that man was kissing her neck hungirly, thrusting into her as if I wasn't even there to begin with. That I ceased to exist in his world as of now.

Everything went silent for a moment, her whimpers became muted from the way the faux blonde thrusted into her as she spoke the next words.

"I never loved you. Sakusa. Me and you both know that atsumu was always the righteous man for me. You good for nothing replaceable freak."

And with that I was pushed back into the sofa my eyes shot open as I stared at her face above me cheeks flushed red from her shower she looked so beautiful but my heart it ached from what I saw. Did he see her like this too? She shrieked and stepped back.

"jesus christ kiyo! What the hell ?! are you psychic? I was about to wake you up!"

Kiyo... a name she always called me when things were serious. But the worry and softness that concealed her voice was not enough for me to accept what I just saw as an illusion.

I stood up pushing past her acting like she's not even there. I despised her existence with all my heart yet I can't help but repeat those words in my head. She's right I am replaceable. I'm a freak and I'll never be able to find love.

"Hey what the hell?! I'm talking to you, you know mister sleepy head!" She followed me into the kitchen trying to get me to talk to her, god her presence made me want to vomit.

I grabbed a glass and poured water into it and as I began to drink it to calm my nerve down before I lost my composure that was literally hanging by a thread right now.

I felt her hand on my back and to say the least i wanted nothing but to get her filthy hands and presence out of my life right now.

"Omi..what's wrong you kn-"

"Don't fucking touch me." I hissed, venom lacing my tone as I averted her gaze because seeing her made my heart clench.

Everything that I always wanted was in the arms of someone else. But why keep me around? Why hurt me like this?

I felt her staring at me wide eyed and from the corner of my eye I could see that she looked at her hand.

"I'm sorry are my hands di-"

"They're fucking filthy you disgusting bitch." This time I looked her in the eyes. Her eyes widened at my tone. She deserved it. She did this to herself what the hell was she expecting?

me to welcome her back after she just tore my heart apart ? After she was....with him? In my fucking bed? Infecting it and my life with the pain?

"Omi you don'-"

"Get out."

"W-what? Wh-"

"I SAID GET OUT!" I slammed my hand on the counter and she flinched "get the hell out of my apartment you filthy-" not even finishing my sentence I suddenly felt cold and wet

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YOUR POV

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If there's anything that life has taught me it's that whenever someone was angry DO NOT stay around them. For the sake of the both of you.

As I entered kiyoomi's apartment having a spare he was sleeping peacefully on the sofa making me smile softly. Deciding to leave him rest until I took my clothes off showering and then coming back to the living room to wake him up.

I couldn't help but notice that he was shuffling as if he was in pain i frowned and I decided to reach to shake him awake just as I was about to do so to my surprise he just jolted awake and now here we are.

He was being extremely mean and I think that I know what was going on he was shouting at me with a tone I've never recognised before.

The advise of leaving someone angry long left my mind and the glass of water now emptied in omi's face.

He stared at the ground with such pure anger and hate shocked that I had the nerve to even do such a thing after whatever the hell he saw or heard.

I sighed

"What ever dream y/n did just know that I'd never do to you. When you're ready to talk to me about it I'll be in your balcony. I'm sorry for.. throwing water in your face but you need to understand that I had no other choice." I scratched the back of my neck awkwardly putting the glass down on the counter in case he wanted to drink one more time before facing me. And with that I left and made my way to his balcony.

Whatever he saw must've hurt him deeply for him to react that way I thought I sat down looking at the beautiful sight of Tokyo breathing in its air smiling softly at the sounds of the lifeful city.

Whenever he's ready he'll come to me.

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Back to his pov

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She... threw water in my face. Suddenly I feel more awake. And guilty. God I feel so guilty. It was just a dream.

And I thought she'd... I have to fix this.

Panicking on how the hell i was going to word off 'sorry i had a dream where you cheated and I was so sure you did it so I screamed at you ' to her I filled the glass of water and drank it going into the bedroom sighing and letting a few tears spill while changing my wet shirt.

At times like this I'd truly begin to wish that I was like everyone else.

That I wasn't a very cautious man who was so blunt and had a comeback for everything but the man that could've made her life better.

I put on my slides and my hand hovered over my balcony door. Watching her city gaze smiling softly to herself.

At times where she would come over she always insisted on drinking coffee in my balcony at night.

At first it sounded so silly because I wouldn't get to sleep the whole night but instead i slept better and happier more fulfilled.

"Staring isn't nice you know?" Her sweet voice cut my train of memories and I opened the door clearing my throat.

God how awkward where the hell do I even begin to apologise i feel so guilty and dumb for even doubting you.

I sat next to her.

"You cheated on me.." she snapped her neck so fast it felt like it broke wide eyed. Before she could even speak I reassured "in my dream."Her expression softened she nodded listening to what I had to say.

"It felt so...real.. I walked onto you and atsumu.. and you told me that I'm a burden and you n-never loved me." I couldn't face her. I couldn't even look at her because of my ignorance and insecurities it truly was a pathetic sight for her to witness me this way.

Hot tears streamed down my face as I sniffiled.

"I know you always assure me that there's no need for me to be jealous or worry about him but it felt so real. I know that you'd be better of with someone who understood you better than I did. Act better than I did..hell even not doubt you because of something like this. "

my heart clenched at the next outcome. That being Her actually leaving me. I opened my mouth to speak only to be cut off by her "can I touch you?"

I looked at her nervously nodding like a small child as she pulled me into her arms hugging me while rubbing my back.

"I'd never dream of leaving you Kiyoomi. Yet alone be in someone else's arms.." I clung to her worried that if I didn't she'd leave me.

I cried softly against her repeating apologies while she rocked me.

"Hey hey Shh omi.. it's alright I know you didn't mean any of it. Besides I can't believe dream me cheated on you and with nasty ass atsumu out of all people" she fake gagged.

Making me laugh tearfully against her chest pulling away to look at her and she cupped my face in her hands making me look deeply in her so beautiful love filled eyes. Something dream her didnt have.

"There hasn't been a day that's passed where I don't thank god that you chose me out of everyone else omi. I'd be so stupid to throw away everything that you've given me." She smiled at me so sweetly it gave me toothache "i dont care if there are people out there who have no boundaries and arent afraid of germs and hell can touch me no matter what because those people arent you. I'd never ever lay in someone's elses arms kiyo..you're the one for me you know that right?" She looked back at me searching for a confirmation that I believed her so I nodded gently "It's always going to be you omi.. okay? I'm not going anywhere and you're stuck with me sadly." She giggled while a few tears were threatening to spill from her eyes my heart clenched this time because of her sweetness and care.

"I wouldn't mind being anywhere as long as it's with you y/n" I smiled at her as I brought my hand to her face and kissed her. The taste of her lips were always so intoxicating. So addictive.

And at that I knew it'll be okay. I loved her so much, with every muscle and bone in my body. But it was okay because so did she.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~\\\\\~~~~~~

"How do you want the pork chopped?" I looked at her from my counter while she confusingly stared at me "omi... I don't eat pork." Oops I forgot that. And now I'm embarrassed that I did. "O-oh yeah sorry." Fucking idiot.. I thought to myself.

She giggled and hugged me from behind and kissed my shoulder peeking from the sides watching me as I chopped the pork. Smiling at her so familiar warmth.

"No need to be embarrassed you're not the only one who forgets it all the time you know" I rolled my eyes at her observant habit still smiling at her warmth but I wont let her slide that easy so I'll tease her "says the big baby who's clinging onto me like a baby koalo." She giggled against my back sending shivers down my spine. "Yeah its your fault that you're so handsome and cuddly." I chuckled at her reasoning she hummed as if she was in thought. "Oh yeah, Omi you wanted to talk to me about something was it me cheating on you in your dream or something else ?" She teased.

I got a bit stiff At the thought of even asking her to move in with me. She backed away from me as I turned around.

"Y-yeah.." she raised an eyebrow at me "so which one is it?" She asked eagerly crossing her arms "I-uh,," why was this so freaking hard to ask I scratched the back of my neck avoiding her gaze. "Move in w-ith me...?" I mumbled softly I felt my face heat up as I attempted to ask her that half ass effort.

She smiled that one smug smile I loved to see so much but I'll never tell her that.

"Speak up I cant hear you omi" I rolled my eyes at her and turned my back continuing with chopping up the pork. "Guess you dont want to.." I mumbled earning a small gasp from her and to leech onto me from the side hugging me tightly "no no no sorry I heard you yes I'd love that, actually I've been dying to move in with you but I can't just ask hey I'm going to move in with you so make room for me in your closet" she giggled and kissed my cheek lovingly making me smile. I looked up at her as she smiled so hard at me teeth and everything. She leaned in to kiss me.

Now or never.

"I'm also ready to have sex with you." I moved away to the freezer to grab something I can make her leaving her hangingon thin air. She almost choked on nothing blushing immediately.

"YOU WHAT NOW??" I smirked at her loud voice and shock.

"Is chicken okay?" And now her face turned sour in disbelief. Possibly redder too.

"YOU CAN'T JUST ACT LIKE YOU DIDN'T JUST SAY THAT!"

"I guess chicken it is" I shrugged smirking at her.

"KIYOOOOOOMIIIII"

At the end of the day i always knew that home was always going to be right here with her around me. I'm one lucky man to have her around me. But I've hit bulls eye with her love for me.

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Kiyoomi made you chicken soup that day. And he decided that today was the day to give you his all let's just say.. his insecurities weren't right at all about him. Even saying that he totally satisfied you wasn't enough to describe the feeling you felt. Now sakusa has grown addicted to how you feel around him. My guy is whipped and extremely horny for you.

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A/N: I LITERSLLY FELL ASLEEP IN THE MIDDLE OF WRITING THIS AHAHAHAHA anyway I feel like this isn't my best work yet but I hope that you guys liked it ;(;( I feel like there's not enough his pov content so I decided to make it his pov also this isn't my best work so I'm sorryyyy im insecure rn pls I hope yall enjoyed this thank you so much for reading !!

-kira

[misslolasynastry]

Celebrity Synastry Analysis

Married at First Sight - Season 13

Ryan and Brett

Couples' Synopsis 🗯: Brett (yes her name is Brett) is a more liberal pop-chic, glamour, outgoing type of woman. Ryan is conservative, country music, outdoorsy, camo hunter, introverted guy. So far up to episode 11, they arent really into each other but they get along okay. You can tell that there isnt much of a spark, yet they still participate in activites. First day of the wedding, they were like oil and water as Brett felt uncomfortable with Ryan's lifestyle and views as she grew up in a more socially relaxed upbringing. Ryan is more quiet and soft spoken so although he peeps things he doesn't say much. Brett leads most of their activities together and although she is aware of their differences she's modest and optimistic about it. They dont argue theyve just sorta accepted how different they are and casually press on. They look more like coworkers that dont talk much. Ryan has gone on to say that he doesnt feel a connection with Brett and so he doesnt put in much effort toward the relationship. I created a poll amongst fans asking if they think Ryan's lack of connection is valid OR should he try more to make it work as Brett does? The results were 55% with 75 participants leaning towards them just not being a good fit. I agree in that regard.

Below is an example I give for basic synastry clients. One thing astrology doesnt account for is having a connection, as 2 people can be completely incompatible yet still crave each other in a love/lust way. Ive also seen couples that had highly compatible charts but they werent interested in each other. However, despite lacking a natural bond, theyre more likely to come to appreciate one another over time due to how naturally smooth things are. Synastry is more for analyzing the differences in 2 persons' behaviors and personality, as well as how they interact with each other. Youre able to see where you disconnect and where you have similarities. I do them for couples, family members, and best friends.

🌞 Sun - Leo * Scorpio

Represents what each person takes pride in and is the core of their personality. They are incompatible here because they view life and take pride in very different things. Their Suns also create a square aspect which intensifies how polar they are. Leo Suns are more extroverted and take pride in the joys of life, creativity, romance, independence, and things that encourage spontaneity and challenge. Scorpio on the other hand is a deeply emotional intimate sign, as an empath are often more introverted in relationships and prefer a slow and steady intensity. Scorpio is also more a codepenent sign as they feel at their best an most powerful when theyre in charge and can command change in their surroundings. This doesnt work very well with an independent Leo Sun as both of them are fixed (stubborn) signs, one emotional/sensual and the other more playful/fiery. You could see this on their wedding day as Brett felt out of place while Ryan couldnt figure out why Brett couldnt just let go and enjoy the moment.

🌛 Moon - Virgo * Cancer

Represents how each handles emotions, feelings, the way they feel nurtured and nurture others. They have compatible moon signs as their zodiacs are both introverted, sensual, slow and steady, as well as sensitive. Virgo moons are the organizing perfectionists so they tend to pick apart everything they sense and how theyre feeling. As an earth sign theyre very grounded but at the same time are constantly trying to perfect their relationships with others. If youre paying attention to the little details, they will love you for it. Cancer moons are the motherly type and at times codependent because if they care for someone they will try to protect and "mother" them. As an empath they are very sensitive to the feelings of others and do things to try to keep the peace. Because both are introverted, slow paced, and sensitive emotionally this pairing works well. You can see as Brett and Ryan are talking that they feel comfortable with each other especially when sharing their feelings.

🗣 Mercury - Cancer * Libra

Represents the way you communicate, process information, and the key to what goes on in a person's head. They are incompatible here because they process information and communicate very differently. There is also a square aspect which indicates being more prone to misunderstandings as well as having alternate viewpoints on many topics. Those who watch the show can see that they have very different social lives and beliefs. Cancer is more sensitive, family based, an emotional speaker, and empath. Cancers are in a way more dreamy and poetic conversators. They are sensitive to the things others say and fear hurting other's feelings as well as hearing harsh words. Libra is more intellectual, analytical, extroverted, and social. Librans are peacekeepers and enjoy light hearted fun conversation, they arent afraid of blunt direct speaking but dont take well to conflict. However in ways both individuals are people pleasers as these zodiacs feed off the other person, in order to respond in a way they think is acceptable. Ryan prefers a communication style thats more emotional poetic and intimate, while Brett wants someone to joke with and is engaging to have a good time. They dont really talk much and as you can see, Brett engages him more than the other way around. Ryan doesnt feel emotionally connected so often opts out of conversation unless its deep.

💝 Venus - Libra * Sagittarius

Represents your creativity, romance style, inspiration, and foreplay. They are compatible in this area as both zodiacs enjoy this more light and fun essence when doing different activities together. Libra Venus tends to love social activities and things that bring a bit of challenge in to the mix, having a peaceful loving relationship is important to them. Sagittarius is the spontaneous optimistic adventurer, enjoying someone they can grow with and exchange ideas. And because both are able to let go and have fun, theyre able to spend time with each other despite differences. You can see this in the show as both Brett and Ryan still participate in activities together while other couples struggle more.

😡 Mars - Capricorn * Libra

Represents the way you respond to conflict, what motivates you, and the style of sex you prefer. They are incompatible in this planet as they resolve conflict in very different ways. Capricorn the fatherly hardworking zodiac can be more withdrawn and stern, seeking to take some time to calm down before trying to resolve things. They approach conflict by way of hardwork, discipline, structure, conservatism and law. Capricorn Mars play by their rules on whats right and wrong and can have a traditional stance on things. They can get emotional and defensive of what they deem to be law. Libras dont mind approaching conflict head on, because when resolving they tend to remove emotions and analyze the situation. Theyre considered the best judges of the zodiac due to their ability to find balance and bring harmony. However, Libra Mars can be people pleasers and kinda passive about things. If they feel the other is uncompromising they will withdraw. Although Ive never seen them argue, I can predict that Ryan is more on the sensitive side and very matter of fact, while Brett may attempt to get her point across then cave-in once Ryan is noticeably uncomfortable. Although they may be able to trigger each other in the mood by way of Venus, Capricorn mars prefers more slow and steady lovemaking, while Librans like things more fast paced and fun in the bedroom. Im willing to bet that Ryan enjoyed Tantric yoga more than Brett did.

When it comes to aspects traditionally I would break down them all, but when first looking at someone's chart in a basic synastry standpoint, I analyze longevity factors first. Such as aspects to Saturn, Pluto, North Node, and at times Juno. But to keep this shorter, I'll stick to the 3 major aspects. Conjunctions, Trines, Squares

😇 Saturn Trine North Node - support each others growth through maturity and discipline

👥Saturn Conjunct Uranus -traditionalist vs nonconformist, the unexpected and practical nature of each other is beneficial, but feelings of restriction or unpredictability can crumble the relationship

💣Saturn Square Moon - saturn sees moon as overly sensitive while moon feels restricted. It grows worse over time as each feel misunderstood, its up to Saturn to reconcile this issue by being more attentive.

😇Pluto Trine Sun - encourges confidence, positivity, and has a transforming effect on each partner, mostly Sun

😇Pluto Trine Jupiter - optimism remains through difficulty which allow both to persevere through challlenges

😇Pluto Trine North Node - pluto has the ability to transform and empower North Node on their path to success

💣Pluto Square Lilith - good intentions can get lost in the mix as pluto person attempts to transform liliths obvious struggles

😇North Node Trine Mercury - Mercury stimulates North Node's intellect regarding their purpose and karma in unexpected ways.

👥North Node Conjunct Jupiter - optimism and a sense of purpose motivates each other. This can help them succeed in things they do together.

💣North Node Square Neptune - the future of the relationship can be very cloudy, they may seek to look at each other for inward healing and North Node will lose patience for it all

💣North Node Square Venus - indicates differences in where each person wants the relationship to go, Venus prefers lighthearted fun and romance while North Node takes their path more serious.

📒 Final Thoughts: Based on their compatibility and aspects, there isnt much spark or longevity between them. And they may never quite align for that reason. They could attempt to work through these problems but for a lack of connection on Ryan's end, hes less likely to try to make it work. Brett is at least open to it but having different lifestyles and alternative desires for a relationship will make it hard to move forward. This is why having a mutual connection is so important in a relationship because both partners at least have that glue to try and make differences work. The only thing theyve got going for each other is the ability to understand each other's emotions and have a good time. But when examining aspects, Ryan still views Brett as overly sensitive and not disciplined in her reactions. Even if they did press on with their relationship, they may still find it dull, just based on the lack of fun aspects in their synastry chart.

🧜🏽‍♀️ For inquiries regarding synastry charts please visit my profile introductory post, email misslolasynastry@gmail, or shoot me a message. If you'd like me to analyze a celebrity couple im open to doing so as long as you have both birthdays on hand. I can also analyze family members as well.