#its like almost 90 degrees in my apartment when the ac is off

[marsixm]

being the houston mutual means every couple years i just log on like 'hey whats up just experiencing a natural disaster down here. im fine tho'

[hackedmotionsensors]

I didn’t want to add onto that European post about the heat but

OH MY FUCKING GOD. I have no idea why people in different places in the US do not understand how different climates/enviorments  ARE 

D I F F E R E N T. And 100 degrees F in Las Vegas is pretty normal but its NOT NORMAL for the Pacific Northwest. 100% humidity and 90F in Orlando is pretty normal but its NOT NORMAL for VERMONT.

We’re facing a GLOBAL CLIMATE CHANGE a HUGE FUCKING PROBLEM. Our planet is OVER HEATING. If your weather is “really weird for thsi time of year” YEAH THATS WHAT WE’RE TALKING ABOUT.

Let me give you another example.

In Las Vegas NV. One of the hottest cities in the southwest (and not because of the hot babbbeeeessss lmfao) it is MANDATORY that buildings have AC. The HIGHWAYS in the city are built to deal with 100F heat for a good portion of the year. Thats why when it rains the streets go bananas because they aren’t built to deal with regular or frequent rain. Cities with heavy rain tend to have a slight curve to their highways so the rain water slides off.

Los ANGELES is not required to have an AC unit. Los Angeles can get almost as hot as Las Vegas but its not SUPPOSED to. LA should stay in the 70-90s range for most of the year. And often times you can deal with just having a fan or a window unit. But because of climate change its been getting hotter and hotter in LA. People in LA have had to have new warnings for staying hydrated, not over using their AC units or only turning them on during part of the day because everyone started using their AC and cranking them bc of how hot it got and would break the power systems.

And that’s WITHIN the southwest about four hours drive apart.

If you’re in the US and you have some fuck ass attitude about saying people in NORTHERN EUROPE should “just tolerate the heat” I fucking dare you to go into Sweden in your flip flops and bikini during the dead of winter and tell me how you fare.

Northern Europe is NOT SUPPOSED to get as hot as Las Vegas or Los Angeles. Its not SUPPOSED to get as hot as Texas or Florida. 

They don’t have the infastructure in place to take care of those kinds of temps. They don’t have AC units. They’re like the difference between Las Vegas highways and Florida highways where their homes and buildings are built to retain heat because its USUALLY COLD. And its USUALLY HOT here. 

Instead of dunking on someone online who doesn’t live in your climate for not being used to YOUR climate why don’t you make efforts to make sure your people in power are making efforts to help solve this climate problem!!! ESPECIALLY if you have voting rights and live in a state where your person in political power is WILLFULLY ignoring the problem. As Americans you SHOULD FUCKING BE MAKING THIS ONE OF YOUR MAJOR PRIORITIES instead of dunking on Europeans who are dying of heat stroke.

[missjackil]

My Diary to the SPN Finale

Day 4. 

I overslept my alarm and was almost late for work. Normally. I have a terrible time staying asleep. Most of you who message me know Im up at 4am sometimes. My life is very stressful so its very hard to sleep, so when I wake up at 4am I always put the boys on, watch one or 2 episodes and go back to sleep/ Last night and the night before however, I slept straight through and past my alarm. “This is great!” one may think, but I spent all day exhausted anyway. What I think is happening, is that even though my body is too tense to rest, it knows to spend an hour or 2 with the boy's won't help. 

I went to work, forgot what I was doing a bunch of times, and forgot how to do some things I've done a bunch of times. I have to make up excuses, I can't say “My fav show is ending and I'm devastated” or people will think I'm nuts. 

At work, all I want to do is come home. But at home, my kids are breaking my heart, my pets are making me insane, and my house is falling apart, and my “security blanket” now feels like jagged sandpaper on my heart.

I'm not a drug user, nor much of a drinker (socially at best) but how stupid is it, that now I want to do both?  Im actually jealous now of those who can drink or pop enough pills to be numb. My vice is smoking. Yesterday I lit a smoke when I left work and a customer said “That shit will kill you” and I answered “I sure hope so”  Im going to give you all a little background history of me, Its ok if you stop reading now, but follow along if you dare😳

Im 52 and have had clinical depression my entire life. At the very least since I was 4. I dont know how it started but its been there as long as I can remember. needless to say my childhood sucked. Anything that could go wrong did. Im terminally single, unattractive, and perpetually poor even though Ive gone to college twice and have 3 degrees. Ive had 4 failed suicide attempts, my first was when I was 12 and ate 30 +\- asprin which only gave me bleeding ulcers and liver damage and 2 years of therapy that was worthless.

In Jan 2014, my life changed. I came into a good sized inheritance from an uncle who was a retired Army Sgt (mujch more about that I dont know other than he fought in Korea) and was left $50,000. (as were each of my sisters) I didnt go nuts and spend this right away, my daughter, father, and I were living in a decent apartment and  was saving it for a down payment on a house. My sisters all used their money to pay off their mortgages and other bills. I was looking for a nice house to buy, but even with $50K I wasnt sure I could handle the property taxes and utilities that had been previously covered by my landlord. My father decided that stairs were no longer something he could handle, so he moved in with my younger sister, so decided that I would just pay a lot of up front rent on our apt and stay there a few more years, but no, the landlord informed us they were selling in 3 months and there was no guarentee the buyer would want to rent out our unit. 

Then my car died, which was what was getting my daughter and I back and forth to work. Now I have to dip into the money and get a car. I got a $7000 used car that we shared and as soon as the warrenty was up, everything failed. After spending $2000 for repairs and it was still falling apart, I get another one... cheaper this time, but hey, it runs. 

Time goes by, we have 30 days to move out, as predicted, the buyer didnt want to rent our unit out, he wanted to move his mother in. So now Im scrambling to find something to move into in 30 days I find a trailer that seemed like it would be a good fit for just me and my dauhter, lots of room, 2 bathroom a nice yard. Im just about to buy said trailer and the park informs me its been sold because a buyer offered cash. Im like “Ummm I have cash too!” and theyre like “oh.... we were unaware.... but hey we have another one for you” and this one is much smaller, but a newer model so it wont need as much work. With 2 weeks left to move, I reluctantly take it. Now, we move, but with no one and I mean absolutely NO ONE to help us, we left 90% of our belongings in our old apartment because we cant lift shit and neither of us could rent a truck, we only brought what we could carry out. and I had to spend the rest of the money on furnature. Of course I lost my security deposit and also had to pay an additional $2000 for “clean up” of my old apt. 

Fast forward to March 1 2015, Im back to broke but still working my ass off. My dryer is broke, my AC and heater, the back door has been leaking quietly for so long you cant step within 2 feet from it or youll go through the floor. Theres a crack in my bathtub that has leaked under the house and is causing my back yard to slowly sink. My daughter works and together we can afford the lot ren, utilities and food. Nothing extra though. We were saving to start fixing things but trying to decided what was most important, and what was most costly. The dryer is cheapest, the leaky tub and sinkling yard is the most expensive but HAS to be done at some poijnt. I buy space heaters and wall unit ACs but that gives me $300 electric bills LOLOL. However I am introduced to SPN and these wonderful boys that I love instantly, and gives me an escape. Helps keep me sane. 

We get things almost together, then suddenly, my father died from the flu Feb 1st 2018. This day was the worst day of my life, it was also the night Various and Sundary Villians aired and after all the tears with my sisters and trying to get arrange,ents made, ALL I could think of was coming home and just escaping into my boys for a while. And I did, and it was a blessing. However, within a couple months, my younger sister and I are hit with my dads bills. Hospital bills, credit cards, car payments on a H3 Hummer he bought a few months before. My older sisters didnt get hit with this because they’re his step children, just my younger sister and I do. $30,000 of debt split between my younger sister and I. I havent been able to pay on any of it because they dont give me any option for low payments. Its like “$1500 by whatevermonth 30th or we take you to court” My sister is handling it ok because her husband makes $$$ but not enough to help me too. So, right now Im just keeping my house heated and my kid and I fed and my lot rent paid. Soon my wages will be garnished and I wont have that either and it will be all on my daughter. Now, my escape, the last thing in my whole world I enjoy is ending. So yes.... Im hurting. 

[thisalsocouldbejoy]

I have a shirt that now reminds me of fall two years ago – when I pulled it out of a trash bag tied up and sitting in our living room among at least 15 others. Five AM and dark, one of my first mornings of 9 months waking at five AM on Fridays, the whole neighborhood still asleep. The air sticky, all six of our apartment kitchen and living room windows open, with the couch and bookshelves pulled a foot away from the wall. We had two rounds of bedbug treatment those last weeks of summer and into early fall, at least four mice, and a handful of roaches I never saw. 

The night of the second bedbug scare I walked in the apartment, and my roommate looked at me, and I knew. I sank into the seat across from him, still pulled out a foot from the wall and let out a slow, “Nooooooo.” Then I laughed. I laughed and I laughed and I laughed like I hadn’t in months – the laughter I thought had disappeared forever – until he joined in with me and we both let it all release and he finally said: “Bedbugs. Again.”

It wasn’t bedbugs, but they still gave the apartment the full treatment again, and I was on week six of living out of trash bags, when I desperately needed a shirt out of the clean laundry trash bag rather than the dirty laundry trash bag and it needed to be my shirt rather than a roommate’s shirt. I remember pulling the shirt out, slightly wrinkled, in the golden yellow light of the streetlight outside the windows and thinking this would have to do for my students. I remember thinking, “if they only knew….” I went into my room and laid the shirt on top of the tent sitting on my bed to wait until I was ready to dress. 

Eight weeks earlier, on a July night when the temps only sunk into the 90s and the city humidity hung lower in the air than most nights, I looked up from my bed to see a mouse scurry across my radiator and into the shadows. I froze and flashed back to the nights when I was 22 and living off an AmeriCorps stipend just below the poverty line and watched mice run across the kitchen counter a few feet from the futon where I slept. I remembered pulling the covers over my head to keep the mice off my face and feeling grateful for the warmth. But these are stories of another time for another day.

On that July night two years ago, I only knew I would not be able to sleep on my bed in 90 degree heat – because we didn’t have air conditioners – if I had mice in the apartment. So I left my room and went into the living room and turned on the light and sat in the chair with the least surface area touching the ground and waited. And sweat. And thought about getting on the subway just to ride it end to end in the cool air conditioning. I sat all night with the lights on, almost dozing but never quite falling asleep, catching glimpses of the mice crawl out from around the pipes going into the floor that lead to the vacant apartment below us. At 5:00 AM the sun was bright enough to turn off the lights and get into the shower. 

I woke up at 4:30 or 5:00 most mornings that summer – a body that would not keep itself asleep at first and then woke well rested when it became a body that could not carry the heaviness of heartbreak too long after the sun went down. Most mornings I’d wake and feel the heaviness crash over me as I tried to roll over, so I stopped trying to roll over, I stopped trying to get up and out of bed as my first task for the day. Instead, I’d wake and let the heaviness crash in waves and I’d meditate. I had faith it would heal me and it was the only faith I had, so I meditated.

That July morning I did not meditate. I got up and out of that sticky chair and into the shower and finally, finally, finally onto a cool subway car and into the AC at work where I put my head down at my desk and got a full two hours of sleep until my coworkers came in and I started to write emails to deal with the mice. 

I stopped at KMart that evening on my way home and bought a tent. I stripped my bed of its blankets, worried the mice had run all over them, and put a single pillow, a sheet, and a blanket in my tent. I made sure the tent door had a flap with a screen so my fan could reach me and I spent at least the next two months sleeping in that tent. It took the landlords too long to deal with the mice and then the month-only subletter brought in bedbugs (and left with them). I would come home in the evenings, crawl into my tent for a cry, pull my pajamas out of a trash bag in the living room, then crawl back into my tent to meditate and sleep.

I put that shirt from that 5 AM Friday morning away in my closet tonight. I’ll be getting up at 5 AM again to teach in not-that-many days. I’ll wake up in my own apartment, in cool air from the air conditioner, and pull that shirt off a hanger in my closet. My students still won’t know everything – nobody will – but it will still be good enough for them. And it’s more than good enough for me, even if some days lately, I almost miss waking up in that protective cocoon of a tent. 

[vrisrael2013]

HTC Vive Pro 2 VR headset hands-on review

The Vive Pro 2, HTC's follow-up to its commercial-level HMD, is aimed at both professionals and high-end gamers.

The Vive Pro 2 is being marketed as a premium VR solution for gamers, as opposed to the original Vive Pro, which was primarily aimed at industrial and commercial users. I can't say I blame them for doing so. The Vive Cosmos, which replaced the original consumer-oriented Vive, improved the visuals but fell short on several other fronts.

You won't be able to buy the new Vive Pro 2 at your local electronics store. The only way for consumers to get a Vive Pro 2 is through the Vive website. Even so, in the ANZ region, it's only available as a headset — no retail package includes the necessary IR base stations or controllers. They're sold separately, but I imagine HTC intends for the Pro 2 to be an upgrade for those who already have the accessories.

📷

The Pro 2 looks almost identical to its predecessor right out of the box. It's a large headset, roughly the same weight as the original Vive but lighter than the Vive Cosmos (with the Tracking Faceplate). When I first picked it up, the first thing I noticed was how solid it felt. In comparison, the original Vive and Cosmos feel like they're made of eggshells. While I doubt it will bounce, the Vive Pro 2 appears to be built to take a beating.

Two pass-through cameras and a full array of sensors are located on the front of the headset (as opposed to the reduced amount on the Cosmos Tracking Faceplate). An on/off button and a button for adjusting the distance between the lenses and your eyes are located on the left side of the headset. People who wear large glasses will find this useful (although I could still wear glasses and have the lenses right up close without rubbing against them). The IPD (interpupillary distance), or distance between your eyes, can be adjusted with a dial on the right side. When you turn this dial, a cross appears, which aids in finding the sweet spot when you put it on.

The volume controls are on the left side of the integrated audio headset, while the mic mute button is on the right. The audio components can be removed and replaced with a third-party audio headset. A couple of plastic discs are included to keep things tidy by covering the headphone connectors if they are removed.

The Vive Pro uses SteamVR infrared Lighthouse base stations for extremely precise tracking, unlike the base Vive Cosmos, Oculus Rift S, and a slew of Windows Mixed Reality VR headsets. These aren't cheap, and they require a higher level of technical expertise to set up and operate. We already had the base stations mounted to the office walls and a pair of Vive controllers as original Vive/Cosmos owners. While a pain to set up at first, the extra effort pays off because the base stations track the headset and controller with far greater fidelity than any other method.

📷

Putting on the Pro 2 took some time, as it does with most VR HMDs, to find the sweet spot — the point at which your eyes must be positioned over the lenses to see the display clearly. It appeared to be smaller than the original Vive's, but comparable to the Cosmos'. I was good to go after a little careful adjusting.

In comparison to what I was used to with the Vive Cosmos, the Pro 2's stated 120-degree wide field-of-view was fantastic. On paper, the Cosmos has a 110-degree field of view, but in practice, it's closer to 90 degrees. The Pro 2 provided me with a breathtakingly wide vista when I held the lenses as close to my eyes as possible.

Using the ROV Test FOV & Resolution SteamVR environment to check the horizontal and vertical FOV, it appears that the horizontal FOV is closer to 110 degrees horizontal and 80 degrees vertical. In any case, in normal use, both the horizontal and vertical FOVs are sufficient. The horizontal line of sight for a normal human is 124 degrees, and the vertical optimum eye rotation is 55 degrees (which explains why I had to strain to see the Pro 2's 80 degrees). The Vive Pro 2 uses Fresnel lenses, as do all of HTC's HMDs, to keep the lens thickness low. Without the use of thick lenses, tiny concentric rings (raised on the inside of the lens) increase refraction. I'm not a big fan of it. The disadvantage of this technology is that bright objects can cause glare. When the HMD is properly fitted, the effect is reduced, and you eventually grow accustomed to it.

It may sound strange, but I believe the lenses are too far apart. As the binocular effect is disrupted, you may notice a circular shadow in the middle of your view if your eyes become tired or if the lenses are positioned too far away from your eyes. This happened to me a few times.

📷

The default settings for the Vive Console software are an automatic resolution and display frequency, which may not be ideal. The Vive Console does have the option of manually applying one of five settings: Performance (2448x1224 @120 Hz), Balanced (3264x1632 @90 Hz), High (3672x1836 @90 Hz), Ultra (4896x2448 @90 Hz), and Extreme (4896x2448 @120 Hz) are the four different types of performance. I'm not sure why there isn't a 3672x1836 @120 Hz option.

The Vive Pro 2 has a pair of 2448 2448 low persistence LCD panels, so these resolutions are the combined resolution of both eyes. I couldn't get a resolution higher than 3672x1836 at first. Display Stream Compression is required for the 4896x2448 resolution (DSC). This is a visually lossless compression built into the DisplayPort 1.4 standard that allows for the large amounts of data required for 5K resolutions to be transferred. This means you'll need not only a powerful GPU to access the Ultra and Extreme settings, but also one that supports DSC. The Vive Pro 2 is, of course, backwards compatible with DisplayPort 1.2, allowing it to work with older equipment at lower resolutions.

After some back-and-forth with the Vive engineers in Taiwan, I discovered that I needed to unplug one of my three monitors (which was overloading the GPU driver) in order to achieve the Pro 2's top performance settings. With the Pro 2 running at 4K 3672x1836 resolution, I was already impressed. My mind was blown when I turned on 5K (4896x2448).

TheBlu was the first thing I tried on the Vive Pro 2. The first thing I tried on the original Vive was this immersive underwater VR experience. I was standing on a reef 20 meters beneath the sea's surface, watching as realistic-looking fish darted around me. It was just as incredible as the first time I saw them, but without the pixelated screen door effect this time.

With modern graphics cards favoring higher resolutions, the Pro 2's higher fidelity image at the Extreme setting didn't result in the performance hit I expected. In most VR applications, the crisp visuals were complemented by a framerate that didn't skip a beat.

Because of the higher pixel density, gauges and readouts in Microsoft Flight Simulator were clearer, with virtually no performance loss when using the game's default VR settings. The scenery and airports looked well-defined and photoreal as I looked out the window of my plane over California. Not only were the gauges in Digital Combat Simulator (DCS) easy to read, but I couldn't make myself sick doing spins and loops because the framerate was rock solid. It was incredible to fly over Las Vegas in a UH-1 chopper. It's not all about the games. While HTC recognizes that the technology is sought after by the high-end gaming community, the Vive Pro 2 is designed as a commercial/industrial VR solution, according to the company.

Because of the higher resolution and wider field of view, watching movies on the free Bigscreen app feels like you're sitting in a cinema. Previously, I've found that watching movies in VR, particularly 3D movies, has been a skewed experience with washed-out details. All of that changes with the Pro 2. I was able to present in a hosted room using the desktop, which was crisp and readable in VR for a potential audience, thanks to Bigscreen.

The Pro 2 also comes with detachable earphones that reproduce audio reasonably well. However, it didn't seem as loud as previous Vive HMDs. I used to be nearly deafened by the Deluxe Audio Strap for the original Vive. When there was no other sound, the provided review unit had a quiet AC hum. It wasn't a deal-breaker for me, but I could hear it. The dual microphones are adequate for chatting, but I wouldn't use them to broadcast or record professional audio.

The Vive Pro 2 will be an over-the-top extravagance for most users. It's quite pricey at AU$1299/NZ$1449 for just the headset. If you already own an original Vive or Vive Pro, as well as the base stations and controllers, the Vive Pro 2 is a good upgrade. Owners of the Vive Pro 2 can keep their existing Base Station 1.0 and Vive controllers or upgrade to the updated Base Station 2.0s, which can be purchased separately. You can even use Valve's Index Knuckles controllers for fully immersive per-finger tracking if you can find them.

HTC's Vive Pro 2 is the step up from the Vive Cosmos that I had hoped for. It isn't cheap, but it should appeal to gamers who want the best VR experience possible. The unit is durable and uses a VR system that is widely used in the industry. I see the Pro 2 becoming standard not only in VR arcades, but also in a wide range of commercial and industrial VR applications.

Virtual Reality, Augmented and Artificial Intelligence 2021 specialist Amit Caesar wrote the article. Send me an email: caesaramit@gmail.com

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[theoriginalivyannazimuth]

Because Reddit is having issues this is my submission to Malicious Compliance. Mostly so I can copy paste it later

Hello reddit, today I will tell you a tale of romance, betrayal, and smipublic streeking.

(WARNING THERE IS A LOT OF BACKSTORY FOR THIS SO ITS A LONG POST)

I don't go here much as I usually watch RSLASH and /Start and tend to prefer to lurk rather than post (unless its to promote my youtube) but I thought you may like to hear this, so here I go.

I don't usually put my real name online but some people may know me as LadyAzimuth (hi guys!)

I am 23 and my mother and I have always had a rocky relationship; by which I mean that she was mentally abusive to me and physically to my older sister back in the day. Now not to be rude but my mother has always had some mental problems which is why I ignored a good amount of the BS she did.

When I was young and spending the weekend at my father's i spilled some fries witch ketchup however and immediately began sobbing and apologizing for making a mess and going into full panic attack mode. My father calmed me down and asked me some questions which made me come to the realization that I was being pretty heavily abused by my mother.

Couple that with the many MANY years of physical abuse (I was bi in the late 90s and early 2000s and it wasnt legal to marry where I am until 05 so I got my ass kicked alot) and that made the perfect cocktail of dependence and silence.

My mother would constantly tell me I was being dramatic when I was heavily suicidal, dumb when it turns out i am dyslexic, and a cry baby when I would have anxiety attacks. Of course that all stopped when she got diagnosed for almost everything I have.

This may seem like useless information but I need you to understand why I act the way I am in this situation.

Now I have always been obedient. When her mother died i was in my teens and ended up having to raise my 2 younger siblings while my mom and stepfather were in a different city (will be referred to as L henceforth for privacy )

I ended up doing worse in school (I was already having issues because COULDN'T READ) and having to give up doing karate which was the closest thing to therapy I had. I had gotten a few awards for rising through the ranks quicker than others and my teacher thought I could have been a teacher in a few years time if I had continued the way that I was.

Now note, I never asked for a thank you. I believe that you should do your best to help other when they need it and it is ridiculous to demand thanks for it, but I do expect the base level of respect.

My mother only respects herself and her reputation.

I was working at a famous Canadian coffee shop (the one from the memes, you all know what one) for 2 years and I and everyone else was abused for years at it. I stayed longer than 70% of the people working there. This place was the worst. AC didn't work in the summer and it got to about 45 -50 degrees in there, of course we weren't allowed water breaks.

This place also did not want anyone to ever log their injuries. My friend logged a slip that resulted in her being in a hip brace and they cut her hours from full time to 1 4 hour shift a week for it. It was because of this and my being used to being abused that I didn't log a injury I got while trying to open a stuck fridge door.

I have bad knees so I ended up having them lock up while I tried to yank this door open underneath the deli counter causing my kneecap to pop off and my leg to collapse causing a v shape going outwards with the knee. I can't explain it well, but suffice to say, knees do NOT work that way. This is an injury that causes me pain almost every day of my life now, and because I was bullied into not recording it and it was almost 2 years ago now with everyone who was there having quit, there's nothing legally I can do.

I ended up leaving that place when an older lady who had been written up 7 times and not fired dispute almost attacking customers numerous times, screamed at a customer I was helping causing me to have a panic attack. I went to the back and was having a breakdown when she stormed in, threw the clipboard that holds the schedule at my head and punched a bookshelf beside me. I knew nothing would be done, so I left.

It was freeing for all of 5 minutes. Like a weight off my shoulders. Like when you're in a car crash and when you open your eyes, it was just a fender bender.

And then my mother demanded rent.

I had already paid my rent for the month (it was only about the 5th of April) and she was demanding next months rent "just to be sure"

Of course the next month comes around and she demands more rent, even though I paid in advance and went into debt to do it.

This was the beginning of the end.

My stepfather told her she was being ridiculous and to drop it so I could find work. And she did, for a bit. Now I currently live in K. K is a largish city that's only an hour away from Toronto on the 401 and even with the minimum wage being 14 an hour in Ontario, you still can not afford a 1 bedroom apartment in the ghetto here off 1 persons wages.

On top of that there aren't enough jobs to go around. Every single interview I've gone to has had no less than 5 other people to interview aside from me and that's on the low end.

So I've been jobless since April.

Fast forward a few months and my mother and stepfather break up. She and him had been together for 19 years and she has been cheating on him for 7 moths with her vocal instructor who is also a mutual friend of theirs.

They decide that they want to co-parent as to not disrupt the children's lives. Which would be acceptable if that was the case and not just a cover story so the kids don't worry.

The truth is, my mother sold her share of her company because she (like a whiny child) couldn't get along with her.

I mean admittedly she is a plastic prep who never grew out of it but I digress...

So she sold her part of the company and is taking payments of about 1000 a week for 2 years I think?

Rather than putting this towards the rent, shes been spending money like it's going out of style.

Since then she has bought a grand fucking piano which she's still making payments on, a whole ass horse and is paying for monthly board for her. She eats out nearly every single day and drives across cities numerous times a day in her giant gas guzzling ford truck.

To top it off, she attempted to ride said horse before properly rehabilitating it (it had been neglected and underfed so she was antsy and none of the saddles fit correctly) so it threw her.

Kali, I love you, you beautiful mare you, but you sent my mother to destination fucked, and I don't appreciate it.

She landed on her ankle, shattered it, nearly twisted it off completely and broke the leg bone clean in half. She nearly lost the leg due to infection and 15 months later we are still looking at about 10 more months of recovery if all go's well.

Now just because we live in Canada, doesn't mean this is a cheap endeavor. In fact my step father had to double his workload in the business he owned to make up for it, and the household is still having some issues (I'm not saying we are broke, because the lights are on and everyone is comfortable but we have to live by the dollar at this point.)

So money has been coming up a lot recently and has been another way to demean me and manipulate me and make me feel like trash.

The money is the reason why she want's to co-parent, because otherwise she most likely would not be able to support herself with how shes hemorrhaging money and cant work. (Physically she can, she just would prefer not to and to go out every day and night to party and bang her boyfriend. Did I mention she still hasn't legally divorced my father and still has his last name?

So a week to the day that they made the separation announcement, she gets my stepfather to tell me for her that I have to leave.

Because she wan'ts somewhere to sleep that isn't the couch.

And to "help me out" I could sleep on the couch until I find a place and maybe my family from L can help.

My family who most live off of welfare and minimum wage jobs in the shit end of town.

She didn't tell me when I was to leave, despite me asking her, I assume it was because I can be pretty scary when I am angry and screaming, I'll admit. I learned from my stepfather that I had to be out within the week.

I have to leave, with less than no money because my mother cheated on my stepfather.

Some people wounder what they are worth, money wise. I found out I am worth 500 CAD and some middle aged balding white man dick. How lovely.

So of course I have a total melt down. My friend took me in for a few days because I was on the edge of suicide and still am and couldn't be in the house anymore.

So I've contacted my family in L and am making arrangements to leave and its been a week to the day. Things are slow going as I find someone who can host me on their couch until I get on my feet so I'm on borrowed time.

I got frustrated as since then my mother hasn't said a word to me and has pretended I don't exist so I asked her what the hell she expected from me and how she could act like this.

I got this response. "Just take your shit and go"

OK.

I have a large room, most of the rooms in this house are large so its quite a bit to pack but I've got it more or less.

(Pic here The Packed Room )

In said room I have a lovely wooden bedroom set given to me from my grandmother before she died, as it was in the bedroom I always stayed in when I was at her house. There's a bedside table, bed with a nice head board and a large vanity with a huge mirror.

I never had anything as nice as that before grandmother so I made sure years ago with my stepfather that when I move, its going with me.

On top of that, i have a large old desk that used to be in the office before my stepfather upgraded, a TV which was gifted to me, 8 bookshelves that I saved from being tossed years ago, lovely purple blackout curtains with black flowers on them and a matching lamp and a leather futon couch which is actually quite classy and a PS4,3 and 2. (she occasionally games so I know she's been eyeing those)

I know my mom. I know she wants everything inside of here and will fight tooth and nail for it. But not only is everything in here mine and the accumulation of years, I have my stepfathers permission to take everything, because it is mine.

Take my shit and go? Ok. I will. My friend's grandfather is offering to store my stuff in his empty rooms because he is the kindest old veteran you'll ever meet. I'm taking EVERYTHING.

NOTHING will be left behind.

I hope she enjoys sleeping on the floor because I know for fact we don't have a spare bed.

And as I'm just taking my shit and going, Ill make sure to not tell her about how the very large window super heats the room in the summer at 3 in the afternoon and is almost as cold as the outside is in winter because it was never properly installed. I'll also neglect to tell her where the window leaks when it rains to put down towels so mold dosn't start growing. I'll neglect to tell her about how the wifi doesn't reach up here most of the time so she will have to wonder if her tech is broken.

Unrelated but she REALLY cares about what other people think and that's why I had the thick curtains.

The week is up in a few minutes so I took down MY curtains. Because I'm just taking my stuff and going right?

So I hope out neighbors don't see my chubby while butt undressing to sleep. I used to sleep naked.

I think I'll do that tonight.

TL;DR:

Mom gave the sacred succ to a person she shouldn't have, kicked me out with no warning, so now her one legged ass will be sleeping on the floor of the fancy room she traded me for and will have to answer questions to the whole cul du sac of middle aged upper middle class stuck up moms that she runs the community facebook page for about why her daughter was giving the neighborhood a strip show.

Also she may freeze / sweat to death before she figures out the window is fucked.

Will update once I'm gone about her reaction. Thanks for reading and remember:

Some times you just gatta do what you're told lol.

[apartyofone]

Boxing Day

Reliving some of the moments from last week:

We landed in Portland late Sunday afternoon. Decided to stay at a hotel instead of my brother’s hot, sweaty house. (People in Portland don’t have AC so 90 degree days are rough). Found some good western Mexican food - wish this existed in the eastern US - and settled in for a good night of sleep to make up for the time zone changes.

The next day - Monday - dawned bright and clear. August is always the best month in Portland as you can finally count on hot, dry summer days. But weather was the last thing on my mind. This was the day we needed to start the process of separating, organizing, keeping, tossing and otherwise dismantling the material possessions in my Mother’s life. I now think of it as a family Boxing Day event.

The staff of her assisted living apartment were incredibly helpful for us. While my Mom had passed in a hospital bed rolled into the main room in her tiny apartment, when we arrived all of the furniture had been moved back into its original place. Upon entering the place there was no clue of what had transpired just a few days past. It was almost like looking on a still life painting of someone’s life. Pictures in place. Her cluttered desk just the same. The meds and other things she had on a table next to her favorite chair untouched. I almost expected her to walk out of her bedroom and greet us..... 

The kids and I went to work quickly and quietly. All her pictures were laid out on her bed. Her desk was organized and emptied. All her bric a brac separated into one closet. Her clothes were taken out of a dresser and armoire and put into the other closet. 

After a few hours were were mostly finished. It surprised me that - in just a few short hours - we had completely disassembled the long and rich life of a complex woman into a few piles and boxes. Of course in her various moves leading up to her time in Portland she had down-down-downsized so much already. As I type this I’m looking around my own living room, knowing this same kind of contraction is coming in my own life. Hopefully not for a awhile.

By the middle of the afternoon we were finished. We had picked out a few things that the kids and I wanted to ship back east. We bought some shipping boxes, bubble wrap and tape and completed the job. A quick trip tot the UPS Store and we had finished our part. 

I came back one more time to drop off her room key. I took  one more look at her place. What used to be a home was not yet vacant. The her spirit and soul had been packed away. For good. Forever.

[fultas01]

Hello reader 🙂

As you may be aware, it’s currently summer! That means heat here in Moldova, and generally a lot of it with very little to no (more likely no) airconditioning. Just this last week, everyday was above 90 degrees Fahrenheit. *Note, this is a reeeeeeally long post.

Europe on one August day

Last summer, I spent my time learning Romanian and sitting in technical sessions where we discussed how to be a teacher (I honestly don’t think I learned much in these sessions, just due to my background in education). So, as this summer drew closer I was faced with the question: what will I do this summer? So today I’m going to talk about some of my exploits up to what I’m currently doing and planning.

Well, for me, summer began May 31 as the school year closed. Here in Moldova, the chool year begins on September 1st, with the First Bell ceremony, and ends on May 31st with the Last Bell ceremony. I love these ceremonies because they are a great symbol of how the school year has changed the community. It neatly book ends the school year and gives school a high level of importance in the community. Community members are invited to these ceremonies and both students and teachers dress formally for these occasions. Students share their appreciation for their teachers at these ceremonies with flowers from family gardens or florists. I was present for the final bell ceremony at school where we recognized all of the different accomplishments of our students, and said goodbye/good luck to the graduating class. I was able to say bye to some of my seniors and hangout with my partners for the last time for a couple of months. Then, I took a hot rutiera (between the months of May and October there are only hot rutieras) to Chisinau to pick my parents up from the airport.

That entire day I had been trying to message with my parents to check on their travels, however that was difficult as they had to wait for wifi (and as people who are not necessarily tech savy, they often did not connect with it when it was available). So I ended up at the airport, just hoping that they had made all of their planes and that I would be seeing them in the next hour. Sitting down to wait for their plane to arrive made me realize just how excited I was to see them. It had been just over a year since I had seen dad last, and exactly a year since seeing my mom last.

When they walked out of the doors into the main airport I called for Mom (which in an English speaking country might have been dumb, but I was probably among a small number of English speakers, and we were surely the only native speakers in the airport. After the teary hugs, we left and they were able to get their first real glimpse of my current home.

*I’ll go into actual details of this trip in a separate blog post.

We spent 4 days in Moldova, two with my host family in Gordinesti, and two days in Chisinau where they were able to meet some of the other volunteers that I have been luck enough to serve with. From there we had a whirlwind vacation across Europe hitting: Berlin, Frankfurt, Vienna, Salzburg, Venice, Milan (kind of), Djon (kind of), and Paris. We traveled by train through 5 countries as we worked our way around the continent. But our 14 days together came to an end too quickly for each of us. On our final morning together we taxied it to Charles De Galle and I had the weird experience of watching my parents leave. It was surreal seeing them leave and know that I won’t be seeing them in person for another 13/14 months. Then I waited in the airport to for my flight (which was muuuch later in the afternoon, but I still made it back home much faster than they did).

After I returned to Moldova, I spent some time in the capital trying to recalibrate to speaking Romanian full time again. Then I went back to my village for two week to plan for my other activities them summer. During these two weeks I hung out around the house, made plans on what I would do next (The Launch event, and camp). I also slept like the freaking dead. I slept for a good 10 hours a day. Waking in the late morning and falling asleep around midnight or 2 am every night.

My next planned event for the summer was an event that I was working to create along with seven other volunteers. This was called the Launch Event, and its goal was to bring the new volunteers and older volunteers together in one place. The older volunteers were given the opportunity to share information about their regions, and talk about a topic that interested them. Along with presentations, we also shared volunteer groups with the new volunteers so they could find ways to be involved with different campaigns across the country.

My group planned this event for approximately 2 months, and when the day finally came together I was happy to see it unfold. Of course this day also happened to be a hundred degrees with an unreliable breeze and held on the second floor of an air-condition-less building. Leading up to the event I spent the night in the capital, and that morning I had gotten lost in the city. Even though I have lived in Moldova for almost a year at this point I still found myself in a completely new area because I left my apartment so happily and I confidently turned the a different way thinking it would be a short cut (nope!).

With the lack of AC and the overall stress of the morning before the event I can’t really remember if the event went well or not. People have told me that it did, so I’m going to say it was at least some what a success. I’m pretty sure all the M32s are going to remember about me is my shouting to get their attention and some manic energy that I had towards the end. Oh well!

That night, I said a final goodbye to an M30 friend who had finished her service. She was planning on leaving in the next few days to go home, so I gave her hugs and wished her well, while trying not to tear up.  Her leaving was a sign that others would soon be following, as the older volunteers (the M30s) were beginning to close out their service.

Thinking about this, the changing of the guard, really sucked. So, that night and for much of the next day I just hung out and moped. Not the best use of my time, but what are you gonna do? Some times you just need lazy days So I laid in bed and moped, until one of the friends I was staying with came home and convinced me to get out of bed and be at least semi-productive and help her prepare for the dinner party she was throwing that night in our apartment.

  The dinner party was to celebrate a successful Launch, welcome the beginning of camp GLOWTOBE (which started the next morning), and really just to say hi to some friends. We had two Moldovans over, and 5 volunteers including myself. While I couldn’t help with the cooking (not a cook, and my friend didn’t seem like she wanted to teach me right then), I was able to keep everyone entertained with music, buzzfeed quizzes, and just my charming personality. 😉

With a successful dinner behind us we spent the rest of the evening putting things together for camp, packing, and dancing. Why dance? Uh, why not??? We played music until some time around 1 am before our most responsible people (not me, obviously) finally grounded us to our rooms to sleep for a couple hours before camp in the morning.

I grumpily woke in the morning and began getting around. My friends laughed at my childish pout, but understood that I am not a morning person (really, any time in the am is not my time). So we got around slowly for camp then left to head to the northern bus station to meet the other campers and counselors.  We stopped by Peace Corps to drop bags off that were not going to camp, only for me to realize that I had left my phone at the apartment. I had to taxi it back to the apartment (which while we were on the way, one of my friends received a call from another volunteer to inform me that I had left my phone at the apartment).

We finally arrived to the bus station about 10 minutes late and met up with a group of waiting kids. We all hung out pretty much silently (there was some conversation, but for the most part the early morning and first meeting shyness kept the conversations pretty minimal). As more and more people filtered in we began to talk more and loaded the bus to go to the camp. Here, I lost contact with my bags because some awesome (not sarcastic) Moldovans decided to help me out by grabbing my stuff and putting it on the buses for me.

On the bus ride I slept pretty soundly, helping make up for the fact that I had probably only slept 5 hours the night before. and when I woke up we were at the camp and the week was ready to begin!

GLOWTOBE (Girls Leading Our World/Teaching Our Boys Excellence) is an initiative started by the Peace Corps that gets youth involved in many different areas. We focus mainly on gender equality and leadership; however, we also talked about volunteerism, diversity, team work, and how to address community issues. I think this camp, and other events held by GLOW are super important to bring new values and perspectives to the youth of Moldova, and enable us to (hopefully) make a positive impact on the future for this nation.

The week was spent working with the campers and counselors in sessions, playing sports, working in teams, eating, and just hanging out. I was a part of the Egyptian team (each team was name after a past empire), and my team was, of course, the best. We started we week out strong by coming up with a dance to show off at the talent show, which bonded our team. The next days, we worked on creating a hilarious video about diversity, talking smack, and just generally laughing and having fun. Did we get a whole lot of work done in team time? No, not particularly. Does that matter? Nope, not one bit.

During this week, I also realized that I had the best partner in crime. My partner counselor, who took things as seriously as I did (which was, not at all) and went along with all of my crazy schemes. One of which was on day two, when I stole two other teams’ flags. If you were at camp, I want to point out that I started this game of capture every flag, and my partner and I ended up stealing half of the flags without anyone suspecting a thing. 😉  He agreed on helping me hide the flags without me saying a word. He climbed high into a tree and duct taped the flags in.

Another amazing moment with my team happened as they cheered us on as I, and my partner-in-crime came together and performed “Thrift Shop” at the talent show. I talked him into this the day of the talent show, and we literally listened to the song two or three times before we got on stage and performed. The entire time, I couldn’t help but think: why did I do this???

After camp, we went back to Chisinau, where a friend sold me his guitar so I could use it this up coming school year. With guitar and two bags in hand, I returned to the village for the first time in around 10 days. When I got there it was late, but I was happy to see my host family again before passing out from an exhausting week. Over the next 4 days back at site I slept for close to double digit hours every day, and tried to beat the heat by staying inside during the day. I walked around my village approximately 5 times, learned 3 songs on the guitar, and was in general pretty bored. I had nothing else really planned for the summer, so now it was just time to hangout and see what would happen.

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The week I came back to site was also the last week that my pseudo-site-mate was going to be in Edinet (he is not in my site, but he is in my raion, so he is the closest other volunteer to me). So, I took some time and went to have dinner with him and meet some English speaking Moldovans who joined us. As it turned out, one of these Moldovans had just spent a year studying in the US and the other Moldovan was getting ready to leave to study in Michigan for a year. I was super excited to find out that she would be near my home state and we spent the lunch talking a lot about what the Midwest and America in general is like. I bonded with the Moldovan who had spent a year in America by talking about Starbucks and other food stuffs that you can’t find here in Moldova.

Once I said goodbye some of my M30 friends after they COSed, I was able to go and help facilitate a learning session with a group of the new volunteers (the M32s). I worked with a Peace Corps staff member to open up a dialogue about promoting gender equitable practices in the classroom and shined a light on some of the things that they as teachers or students noticed about teaching practices and how they could improve them. I think this session went really well, as there was a lot of open discussion, and the participants seemed engaged (though, I remember PST, and I could fake caring with the best of them, so who knows!).

Coming back to site after saying goodbye to more M30s, and meeting new M32s has made me think about what I want to do with the rest of my summer. I don’t want to spend my days sleeping, I want to be able to do something. So, I have continued practicing the guitar, hung out with my host family, and I am trying to work on a grant update the library in my community. At the beginning of August I went to a party called a cumtrie with my host family.

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A cumetrie is a party for the birth of a child. It’s similar to having a baby shower after the baby is born and baptized. The whole day lasted 23 hours for me from starting with me getting up and having my hair done, lunch, hanging out at the house, then the hours long party at a restaurant. We ate lots of food, toasted to the baby and family, gave gifts, danced, and played games. It was a lot of fun, while it was suuuper long and I ended up pretty grumpy by the end of the night.

After the party my summer was a little boring again, then we finished the summer with my group having our Mid-Service Conference, which happened about a week ago. Now, I have celebrated my second Moldovan Independence day here. And in a few days I will begin my second school year here.

  Until next time!

Angela ❤

Oh-oh Those Summer Nights Hello reader 🙂 As you may be aware, it's currently summer! That means heat here in Moldova, and generally a lot of it with very little to no (more likely no) airconditioning.