#its like actually a problem at this point

[grison-in-space]

ding ding ding!!! this is in fact a systematic problem with weight research on health. Medical neglect of fat people is an enormous problem for medical access of all kinds, and some of it is driven by prejudice, some by ableism, some by culture in medicine, and some just by redirected frustration about not being able to control the universe. This makes it difficult to fix.

Fatphobia in medicine isn't the only factor driving worse outcomes for fat people, and we know this because medical preoccupation with body weight has changed (and worsened) over time. the association of fatness itself with early death and lower cardiac health actually started with insurance-driven actuarial assessments detailing health outcomes in the 30s or so, not from actual doctors assessing patients differently at all... but then the actuaries told the doctors and nascent wellness, tobacco, and pharmaceutical companies. Those companies had some ideas for how to market weight loss with their products, so they took up the concept of "public education" about the impending doom of fatness with gusto, and that has fed on itself until the present moment.

The problem is that this is all correlational work, including those actuarial tables and analyses. This work also fails to understand that adiposity is a symptom in its own right driven by the energy balance of the body. That is, different disorders influence the adiposity "set point" of a body (both in terms of how much fat is retained and how much muscle is built). This means that extreme degrees of adiposity in either direction might be especially likely to signal health outcomes from the very sick. And it means that weight can be considered a symptom, not a source of disease. Because correlation is not fucking causation.

Rather than "fat causes illness," consider "illness causes fat", and think of a thousand factors that typically impact body weight: breathing interruptions and depression and depression meds and sleep disruptions and, oh yeah, chronic stress, and acute stress, and lingering trauma. Factors that also, independent of weight, directly influence health outcomes and disease progression. Across a very large scale population with a thousand different common mortality causes, you're going to see massive trends associated with body weight that are driven by the major players associated with causes of death, each of which pulls the mean adiposity change to one side or another with some strength. If your measures are shitty because you aren't controlling for confounds, you're going to miss a lot of strong relationships. And that's a problem, because controlling for confounds means answering questions like "what should this persons baseline be?" (How the fuck do you propose to get that information? It varies! And it is WAY harder and more expensive to get people to adhere to nutrition studies that could test this question, even if you can control their diet enough to be sure.)

Those confounds also include the answers to the question "what other underlying diseases does this person have at this time?" Those diseases might or might not be diagnosed, reported, or even known by the patient or the examining doctor. Some of them will be things like incubating cancers or organ deterioration or weird internal anatomical variation that are easy to miss.

(Smoking is an example of a confound associated with lowering BMI across the board, by the way. The systematic removal of smokers from public health datasets is literally a large driving factor of the skew in the public health risk data, because it removes a whole bunch of people with a known factor lowering their BMI that is associated with a strong underlying health risk.)

Basically, the genesis of weight gain or loss (particularly in terms of recent or rapid changes) may often in fact be early symptoms of underlying disease that can OFTEN be TREATED and/or underlying chronic stress that can OFTEN be TREATED if we as a society give a shit about it. Which makes me even angrier about medical neglect, not going to lie ....

Hey did y'all ever think about that if doctors blame all fat people's medical issues on them being too fat without proper investigation and then feel justified in neglecting their medical concerns, then statistically more fat people WILL develop and potentially die from serious health issues and it might not actually be because of the fat when everything comes down to it

[russo-woso]

Comment || Arsenal x reader

Request | Masterlist

Warning mention of bullying, mental health problems, mention of suicide

Summary You accidentally reveal why you don’t interact with your team

A/N this is a sadddd and angsty one so buckle in

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

“Y/N, you’re coming to the restaurant with us, right?” Katie asked, seeing you try to scurry out of the room without anyone noticing.

Unfortunately for you, Katie saw you and was curious whether she’d see you at the restaurant that night.

To celebrate the end of the year and Christmas, the team had organised a meal out at a local restaurant, nothing much but enough to satisfy the whole team.

You hesitated a bit, you also unaware of your own answer.

You see, you hadn’t always had the best experiences with a team.

Your previous teammates had made a few comments here and there about you.

She doesn’t deserve to get minutes

Why did the club even sign her

Shittiest player I’ve ever seen

Drop her back down to the Sunday league

At first, they were just small remarks that happened every so often, but then it turned to 24/7.

In the changing rooms, over text, on the pitch. Everywhere, anytime.

They were bullying you.

And even when you brought it upon the manager, he just shrugged, ‘that’s banter for you’ he had told you whilst laughing.

Maybe you were just being sensitive. Maybe you were taking it the wrong way. Maybe this was how a team was supposed to play.

From that moment onwards, you thought it was normal.

You didn’t complain about it anymore, just bottling up your emotions so they didn’t have to see it.

It wasn’t until a very poorly played game that you realised just how damaged they’d made you.

You had played the final four minutes of the game.

When you ran onto the pitch, your team was already losing 4-0.

And although you’d impacted the game massively and had prevented two goals in them four minutes, you were entirely blamed for the loss.

You had dreaded walking into the changing rooms after, all your teammates angry at their performances but somehow blaming it on you made it a lot better.

One of your teammates had squared up to your shaking body, their finger pointing at you.

Your breath became uneven as you closed your eyes in dread.

“You were shit today! You were the reason we lost! You were a let down today. You made us lose! Do us all a favour, Y/L/N and fuck off. We don’t need you on our team! You just fuck up our play and make us fucking lose! Nobody likes you, Y/N. You’re a shit player!” She screamed, the rest of the girls agreeing. She finished shouting at you, but was not finished without pushing you to the floor.

You put on a strong face, standing up and grabbing your stuff before walking out.

You walked for miles in the rain, no car, your phone dead, just you and your thoughts.

You don’t remember much from that night, you’d passed out on some bridge for most of it.

But you remembered one thing.

You remember laying on the bridge, your body fighting for consciousness and thinking would it be so bad if you were to never wake up?

Would anyone actually miss you?

You had your mum left but she mainly focused on your older brother more - he’s a lawyer and had kids - no more explanation needed.

You were so close to completely giving up, so close to letting ending everything.

You used all your strength, pulling yourself up and taking yourself over to the edge of the bridge.

The river underneath was violent, the water crashing against its beds with purpose.

You started counting down in your head, dunking it with your heartbeat.

3… 2…

“Dear! What are you doing?” A voice exclaimed from behind you.

You turned with watery eyes to see a woman, 65 maybe?

You looked in her eyes, a solace look in them.

“Please… look at me. I’m a complete stranger to you. You don’t know me, I don’t know you. But what I do know about you, is you have so much to live for that maybe you don’t realise you have. Take a look around. What do you see?” She began, taking a few steps towards you.

“Bushes, the river, trees.” You listed, taking deep breaths steady your breathing.

“Trees. Look how they’re blowing in the wind. They’ve got no control over themselves. They’re being pushed around and they can’t do anything, but one thing that they are doing, is having a tiny bit of strength to keep them standing. A storm may have big impacts but at the end of the day, they go away. What you’re going through now is just a storm, I promise. You’re young, you’ve got your whole life ahead of you. Go travel, go to London, go somewhere you’ve never been before. You’re just stuck in a storm, a bad one, but at the end of everyone is sunshine.”

You listened to her words, taking into account what she was saying.

Slowly but surely, you stepped back from the edge, collapsing into the womens arms.

You’ll never forget that night.

The woman, you didn’t even find out her name, but you knew she was your guardian angel that night.

And although you didn’t completely believe her words, she was right.

You were in the middle of a passing storm.

Not only two days later, you were sat in your managers office being told you were going to another club.

You were given a list of clubs that were interested but one stood out massively, a London club.

You were doing what the woman told you to do, you were going to London.

Which leads you back to the conversation with Katie, your Arsenal teammate.

“Umm… I’ll have to see how tired I am.” You lied, making up a random excuse.

“You said that last time, Y/N.” Alessia pointed out, a playful smile on her face, a completely innocent one which meant no harm.

“And the time before that.” Kyra then added, gently knocking her shoulder into yours.

“Please come, Y/N. I barely know you, it’ll give us time to get to know you.” Steph explained

You hesitated between yes and no.

“Okay. I’ll be there.” You finally said after a few moments.

Everyone cheered, telling you what time to be there and how excited they were that you’d said yes to going.

Maybe these girls aren’t as bad.

—

You were one of the first ones to arrive at the restaurant, not wanting to be late.

Katie and Caitlin were already there and called you over.

One by one, the team filled the table, a buzz filling the air as everyone chatted to each other.

You sat quietly at the end of the table, having nothing really to say.

“What’re you doing for Christmas, Y/N?” Alessia asked, obviously realising no one was talking to you.

“Nothing much. I’ll probably get a few snacks in and watch some…” you began but soon slowed down your words as you set eyes on someone from across the room.

There, sat your guardian angel, your lifesaver.

“Y/N?” Alessia asked, confused but followed your eyeline to see the woman. “Are you okay?”

“I haven’t seen her in months.” You mumbled to yourself but Alessia also heard.

“Who is she?”

“She saved my life.” You responded, not knowing it would lead to you revealing your secret.

“Oh my god…” Alessia whispered, realising it was a big moment for you seeing her again. “Is she a doctor? Were you ill?”

“No.” You shook your head, your eyes not leaving the woman. “My old team, they used to make comments about me. It started with a few - what I thought were harmless - comments but they continued coming. Over message, in the changing rooms, on the pitch. They made me feel like I didn’t belong there - that I didn’t belong on earth. After the match against PSG—” you began

“—The one where you played a few minutes?” Alessia questioned, you nodding in response. “You played incredible that match. You completely turned the game around.”

“Yeah, I thought that too. But after the match in the changing rooms, I got blamed for the loss. My old teammate pushed me to the floor and the rest of them laughed at me. I ended up walking into the rain and walked for miles. I collapsed on this bridge at some point and I decided to go towards the edge. I was counting down in my head. My heart wasn’t racing, I think it was the calmest I’d felt in years. It was what all my teammates wanted so I was going to do them all a favour. I was going to… I was on seven when I heard a voice behind me. It was her. She saved me.” You explained, looking back to Alessia but seeing 25 sets of eyes on you.

Most of the girls had tears in their eyes, your story hitting them hard.

“That’s why it took so long for to come out with you. It wasn’t any of you personally and I’m sorry if it felt like that but I don’t think I can ever trust teammates again.”

“Y/N, don’t say sorry.” Leah’s breathed out, leaning over the table to take your hand in hers. “I’m so sorry you had to go through that.”

“I know it might take some time to realise but not all teams are like them. If you can, can you please trust us. We want to show you what being in a true team feels like.” Kim told you, rubbing your back comfortingly.

“I’d like that, thank you.”

“We’re here for you, Y/N. Here at Arsenal, we’re not just a club, we’re a family. Whether you like it or not. Some of us - Kyra - can be annoying sometimes but at the end of the day, we’re a family, and that’s the most important part. We’d like nothing more than to be your family from now on.” Lia added, sending you a smile.

“A family, huh? I think I’d like that.” You said, a smile appearing on your face.

“Enough of that now. That’s your past, it’s time to think about the future. And I’m not having you all alone on Christmas so you’re coming with me to my family on Christmas.” Alessia stated confidently, not giving you any choice.

“Alessia, I can’t, it’s your—”

“Ah, no — remember we’re family.” Alessia told you, hitting your shoulder with hers.

“Family.” You whispered quietly, smiling to yourself.

You took another look over to the woman.

She was still talking away to the man she was with but managed to catch your eye.

She sent a wink and a smile over to you.

You took your eyes off her for seconds and when you looked again, she was gone.

You never knew her name, and you didn’t know who she was, but you couldn’t be more grateful.

Not only had she saved your life that night, but she had also brought you a family.

[arom-antix]

Hey, just wanted to reach out to say that I found you pointing out and calling this person was really great and you shouldn't have apologized. It was incredibly true what you said, and to be honest it seems out of touch with the reality of a great deal of the japanese fandom, the nuances and their culture. Also, it was as you pointed out, extreme and may I say rude. I want to mention too that the way it was written, as if entitled of the knowledge and the 'explanation' made it all worse in context of the 'fucked up'. The original poster always gets away by using the 'well-written academic'' statement of their 'metas' as an excuse to do or say and make everyone else agree and if not, uses victim narrative and discourses exactly selecting wording for people to agree on it or feel bad.

I don't know if they tagging you in the way they did made you reblog and apologizing/backing up, but no one thought bad about you pointing it out. On the contrary, a lot of people had been bullied and discriminated by this person when they called them out/disagreed going onto lenghts of sending their friends to harass people, and the other persons can't even defend themselves because they are effectively blocked. To quite a few people in the fandom has been done, even accusing them as 'acephobes' (when they're not) or even Nazis by spreading lies. So yeah, I just wanted to say that. I think you were right to call them out publicly.

Thank you very much for this ask. To be completely honest I agree with everything you said here and don't actually feel bad about pointing anything out. I mainly apologised because I didn't want any potentially poor phrasing from my side to cause unnecessary hostility and because I myself have gripes with this person's behaviour but didn't want to cause a scene.

My honest opinion is that they have a serious issue with taking accountability for their own mistakes and highly overestimate their own intellect. If you're reading this, @thegirlwhorideslikeasamurai, sorry if I seem harsh, but it's true. I saw your post lamenting how you're the only academic meta writer / fan in the fandom and I didn't interact then because I honestly do not care enough to start that drama but with the information Blonndiec has just given me, I think it's necessary that someone calls you out.

You're not an academic. You're not beyond the mental capabilities of other fans. You're actually incredibly childish in your metas and analyses and I am not kidding when I say that I was halfheartedly writing essays more academic than every analysis I've seen from you when I was barely a teenager. I don't know how old you are and I frankly don't care. You're not as clever as you think you are.

Also, don't think I didn't notice that you didn't reblog my correction (link here to my correction and here to their "response" for those who didn't see that exchange) of your post so that you could control what your followers saw of the exchange. You're the opposite of an academic. You control information to tailor the narrative, you don't cite your sources properly if at all, you don't format your posts in anything close to how an academic analysis would be, you make unbased claims, you reference posts and canon material without in any way indicating where that information is from, you reference your own (equally unacademic) metas and your conclusions from them without indicating what post it's from or that it's your own theory this new one is based on and instead present it as a common fact, and I could go on and on and on. Your posts are also riddled with logical fallacies and you talk in absolutes and opinions when there's no canon basis to claim such things. I'm sorry, but that's not academic in the slightest.

To be clear, you don't have to be an academic to post on the Internet. You don't have to be anything at all. You could up front be a genuine idiot with no remorse and that's fine. But when you claim to be an academic and also put down the rest of the fandom for not being on your level, you have to be able to back that up. It'd still make you sound like a prick but at least your arrogance would have a basis. It currently does not.

I haven't personally seen the discussions that Blonndiec is referencing and I'm not going to claim anything definitive (because that would be unacademic of me, take notes) but if what they're saying is true and did happen as described, which I have empirical, if anecdotal, evidence to believe could very well be (a friend of mine has personally been blocked by you after they criticised you without actually mentioning your name which I of course can't prove is the reason for the block but the timing is awfully convenient), you should know that you should be ashamed of yourself.

If there's context missing, feel free to enlighten me and call out any incorrect accusations. You have every right to defend yourself. However, I encourage you to cite your sources since you're such an academic. If you don't, then it's just your word against Blonndiec and anyone else who might comment's word and that doesn't prove anything. Don't misunderstand, acephobia and nazi rhetoric should absolutely be called out but only if it's actually happening. False accusations can ruin lives. I hope you know that.

I'm not a fan of calling people out publicly and, again, thank you for this ask, Blonndiec. But considering many of the issues I've personally seen and those I've been informed of by second hand sources were posted publically, I don't really feel bad about calling this out. I could do a full breakdown of just the insulting "academic" comments alone and how there's no academia to be found in said academic metas and, Samurai, if you give me reason to, I will show exactly what I mean point by point (and academically just to give you an example of even low level academia).

If you respond to this, do it in a reblog. That's what a real academic would do. If I'm wrong and you can prove it, you'd have no reason to not show my post in your rebuttal. If I'm right, you'd have every reason to be upfront about your mistakes and how you intend to rectify them. There's nothing wrong with being wrong but there's a lot wrong with refusing to admit to it in a way that lets others peer review you (academic thing, look it up) and come to their own conclusions about the situation. That's what you did when you just @'ed me instead of reblogging my response. A true academic wouldn't hide a peer review. You'd know that if you were one.

I swing in many academic spaces and yet that doesn't make me any kind of expert and I don't claim to be one because I'm not. But since you want to be one so badly, reblog this with a response and show us all how smart you are. I'm dying to know what your academic take on this is.

[cheraverse]

latte. — kim seungmin 김승민

masterlist ; genre fluff includes barista!seungmin, café, latte, pastry.

“in which you went to your favorite coffee shop for a latte and unexpectedly left with more.”

the wind has been awfully cold today, and you decide to stop at your usual coffee shop for a quick break. a cup of hot latte might chase away the chill–or maybe your favorite barista would.

“hello,” seungmin’s face lit up as he saw you walked in. the last customer just went to sit with a cup in his hand, “the usual?” he smiled, already reaching for a medium cup and a marker.

you nod, returning his smile, “yes, the usual, please,” you pointed at the pastry display, “and i’d like something sweet, what do you recommend?”

seungmin paused mid-writing on your cup, “oh, since you liked the chocolate danish, i suggest you try the babka,” he gestured at a knot-like chocolate cake.

“that looks so pretty,” you admire the brown twisted cake, “i’d like one, please.”

“sure, eat here? the usual seat?” he grabbed a spatula and a tiny plate.

you quickly shook your head, “no, not today. takeaway—i need to run.”

“no problem,” seungmin flashed another perfect smile as he boxed up your order. he quickly glanced at you, “new haircut?”

your heart flipped as you touched your freshly trimmed hair, “yes, actually. you’re the first one to notice.”

“my honor,” he chuckled, you knew his sweet voice could melt you in seconds. seungmin skillfully brewed your coffee. you could tell he did this a lot, “i haven’t seen you in a while,” he added.

you blinked, slightly taken back, “oh, yeah. i was out of town,” you said, never imagining he would notice your absence, looking at how many customers he usually tends to.

“oh,” seungmin said something under his breath, but the loud hiss of the milk steamer drowned out his voice. you could only catch the word miss and you.

“sorry, what?” you asked, “i couldn’t hear you,” you added, pointing at the steamer.

he tittered softly, eyes still focused on your almost-ready latte, “i just said the coffee shop missed its most loyal latte lover.”

you chuckled, masking your disappointment. you thought you heard something else, “well, sorry, i’ll come here more often, then,” you weren’t lying, though. the cozy coffee scent–and seungmin, obviously–could easily lure you back every day.

seungmin handed your order, his gentle smile still lingering, “i’ll hold you to that,” his fingers brushed yours. there was a fluttering feeling in your chest, as if your heart has stopped for a beat.

you could feel the warmth seeping into your hand as you grabbed the latte and the cake, “thank you,” your eyes met with his, you could see a glint of sparks, “see you tomorrow.”

“actually,” seungmin’s voice stopped you from turning away, “i wouldn’t be here tomorrow.”

“oh?” you froze, brainstorming how exactly you should respond without sounding too saddened.

“i have a band gig,” seungmin hesitated. his eyes searched yours as if he was observing your reaction, “would you like to see me there tomorrow instead?” you could hear a mix of eagerness and hesitation, “only if you’re free,” he added in panic.

“wait,” you tried to process his words, “are you asking me out?” you asked, half-teasing and half-stunned.

seungmin laughed nervously, a pink blush tinting his face, “yes, actually,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck. the sparks in his eyes flickered.

you weren’t sure if he noticed it, but your heart trembled with excitement, “sure,” you could see him shift his weight giddily like a puppy hearing his favorite word.

“great,” seungmin beamed, a hint of relief plastered on his face, “i have my number written on your cup,” there was pride in his words, and you couldn’t help but laugh when you noticed the set of numbers he pointed at.

there was your name on one side, his number on the others, and a neat handwriting, see you latte. you giggled at his weird pick up line as you walked away, “i’ll call you.”

seungmin stood behind the counter, grinning from ear to ear. his brown apron, neatly brushed hair, and the slow wave of his hand urged you to linger. but you returned to the cold street and felt warmer as you kept glancing at his writing on your cup. the quick break to the coffee shop was worth it, especially when you left with more than a latte.

[nefariousnemesis]

okay, so. OP i hope you don't take this as me getting upset, i just get super passionate about pokemon and need to explain to everyone in the audience why most people did not think to do this.

first is the most obvious thing like. it came down to arrogance right? the leaders before this were some of the biggest pushovers in pokemon history. falkner and bugsy. another point is that a lot of people don't really want to use pokemon from past gens unless they REALLY love them.

any way it's time to go over the type of team most trainers would've had at this point. you got your starter, you got your pikachu/mareep, free eevee, flying, and bug poke.

now. here's the problem: barring chikorita (who takes not very effective) and totodile/eevee (takes regular damage), EVERYONE on this team is weak to rock. also who would've guessed a gym leader would have type coverage?? actually. this is a good time to bring up the crown jewel: this ABSOLUTELY ingenious setlist and break it down:

Stomp: a 65 base power move and 30% chance to flinch. not only that, but it's a STAB move making the moves power closer to 98. yeah.

Attract: a status move that has a 50% chance of working every turn. to make things worse, your starter (who would normally be doing the most heavy lifting) is very likely to be male.

Milk Drink: basically just recover/soft-boiled/roost (ok so roost is a bit different) which is VERY GOOD. 50% of max health is even better than any potion you would have access to at this point. also wanted to point out but if you slapped whiney's clefairy before she had a chance to heal it, that means when you FINALLY managed to whittle milktank's health down, she could just heal it with her two potions as well but. why would she at that point when she's got MILK DRINK.

ROLLOUT: oh god. so. it comes to this. here is all the numbers and information on pokemondb.net which i will post now and we can all boggle at the absurdity of these numbers:

so yeah. as you can see the big problem is even when you switch out your pokemon into another one, even if it's something with high defense, as long as the move hits, it has a chance of a OHKO.

(btw in hgss miltank is level 19 instead but in exchange holds a lum berry. just in case you wanted to like. paralyze it or something you gotta do it AGAIN)

miltank is a pokemon that does not evolve so i guess the best way is to describe it is that pokemon with no evolutions have some pretty strong base stats compared to ones that have yet to evolve fully.

here's an estimation of what the machop you would trade IF it was the same level as miltank:

and here's quilava (the starter i chose):

ok, not bad-

NOW THIS IS MILTANK:

as you can see, even if your pokémon were a few levels higher, they're still at a disadvantage here. machop has some low base stats so unless you train and evolve it, its STILL going to be a battle as a turn 4-5 rollout can most likely oneshot it. this is why, for speed runners or nuzlocks the beginning is almost always the hardest just in terms of your options being severely limited and shit like this.

an way just to close this out but this post really unlocked another interesting memory in me. you need drowzee to trade for the machop and like. drowzee in joto was MY FIRST shiny pokemon and i captured it on route 34. i didn't know what it was, but it LOOKED special. reading this post, i wonder if i was looking for drowzee specifically for this purpose?

idk about y'all but when i was playing pokemon as a baby, i did not know defense and special defense were separate. or attack and special attack for that matter, i just saw a move and clicked on it. flame wheel looks cool on quilava and has a higher number than ember, so im keeping it. even though it's attack stat is the weaker of the two. so yeah. machop is the closest to a "hard counter" we would've had for miltank but fortunately whitey's strategy really only works the one time. the best thing to do was level up your pokemon or catch a heracross or quagsire. for full transparency, whitney is the only time i've ever been bested by the game's AI (not counting battle frontier...) but i think that's awesome. it taught me to become more diverse and creative with my movesets. any way i just think breaking stuff down like this is a lot of fun, and i always find it interesting when a community of people all had the same experience.

wait hold on yall didnt just use the machop that resists rollout, is immune to attract from female pokemon, can ko normal-types in like two hits if you just train it a little, and is basically given to you for free in the very same city you fight whitney????

[jessiexflem]

- all-american | jessie fleming x reader

content: fluff, UCLA Jessie! (and Teagan being a butthead)

requests are open :)

“You’re staring again,” Teagan pokes her teammate with the eraser on her pencil.

Heat rises up Jessie’s neck and face as she turns her head to glare at the Australian, “I am not!”

“Oh, whatever,” Teagan scoffs, rolling her eyes, “you’ve been giving her heart-eyes the entire time we’ve been here.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Yeah? Then what’s the answer for number twelve?”

Jessie glances down at her calculus homework, the paper mostly unaltered except where she had scribbled her name in the top corner. 

“Thought so,” Teagan replies smugly, “Gotta get your head screwed on, Jess, our grades depend on it.”

“You aren’t even supposed to be talking right now,” Jessie points at the ‘quiet please’ sign above the librarian’s head before focusing back on her homework, hoping it would encourage her friend to drop the subject.

“Come on, Jess, why don’t you just ask her out?” 

“I thought you told me to focus on our homework,” Jessie sets her pencil down with a huff, “Plus, why would I do that?”

“Because you like her?” the Australian gives her a ‘duh?’ look.

“No, I don’t!” Jessie’s cheeks flush, “What makes you think that?”

“Well, for starters, we’ve been sitting here for over an hour, and you haven’t noticed that I moved your calculator underneath my notebook” Teagan chuckles, “Not to mention, any time you see her, she’s all you can talk about for hours. ‘Y/N’s so smart, Y/N showed me how to do this in lab, Y/N wasn’t in class today, and I missed her so mu–’”

“We’re just lab partners, that’s all,” Jessie shakes her head. 

Teagan crosses her arms, tipping her chair onto its back legs. She narrows her eyes at her roommate, a cheeky smile tugging at her lips. “Alright, so if you insist you don’t like Y/N, you won’t mind if I ask her out on a date?”

“You’re ridiculous.”

“But you don’t like her, right? So, you wouldn’t be jealous?”

“Go for it,” Jessie replies dryly. She knew there was no way Teagan would actually ask you out, she barely knew you. She wouldn’t even know who you were if she hadn’t (annoyingly) crashed one of your study sessions during midterms last semester. 

Putting her head down, Jessie redirects her attention back to her neglected math problems. The assignment was due at midnight, and she managed to make zero progress. Copying the numbers from the first question, she starts working through the equation until she realizes she needs a function on her graphing calculator.

“Can I have my calc–” Jessie stops mid-sentence as she looks up to see Teagan waving you over to their table, “What are you doing?!”

“You said I could ask Y/N out, so I figured I’d catch her as she was leaving.”

Backpack slung over your shoulders, you weave your way toward where the two were sitting. You notice Jessie’s posture tense as she whispers frantically to her teammate. Catching her eye, you direct a smile at your lab partner.

“Y/N!” Teagan greets cheerfully, “Done studying for the day?”

You shrug, “I should probably look over my ethics study guide a bit more, but I could feel my brain going numb and figured it was time for a break. What about you two?”

“Well, if you’re needing another study break later this week,” Teagan starts. Intrigued by what she had to say, you didn’t notice the color drain from Jessie’s normally rosy cheeks. “We were wondering if you were free Saturday afternoon? Jessie and I have a game at 4, and we wanted to invite you to watch.”

Jessie, realizing she was subconsciously holding her breath, let out a deep exhale. 

“I’d love to! I haven’t been able to make it out to one yet,” you say as your phone begins to buzz in your hand, “I’ve got to head out, but text me the details, Jess?”

Jessie nods rapidly, her brain unable to form a coherent answer. She watches you walk away, feeling Teagan’s eyes burning a hole in her cheek. She didn’t even have to turn her head to know that her friend had the biggest smirk on her face.

“So, if I ever think that my lab partner’s getting asked out on a date, should I look like I’m about to puke, too? Or are you going to admit you have a crush on the girl?” Teagan teases.

“I hate you,” Jessie mutters, glaring at her.

“Bet you can’t wait to show off your first team All-American skills, huh? You better practice what goal celebration you’re going to dedicate to her.”

“I’m done talking to you.”

“Jessie and Y/N, sitting in a tree, K–”

“Just give me my calculator back.”

--------------------------------------

Jessie was having a horrible game. She couldn’t remember the last time she played this poorly. Constantly losing the ball in the midfield, getting outrun and out-muscled by her opposing mark. Her head was running a thousand miles a minute, and the only thing she could focus on was that Y/N was sitting front row. 

It was the opposing team’s corner, and Teagan was shouting directions, ensuring each of her outfielders had their mark. The ball gets served in, and Jessie goes up for the header, making contact square on her forehead. However, instead of directing the ball out of the 18, her body was angled slightly toward the goal, meaning the ball veered toward Teagan instead. Luckily, it hit off the post and fell to their teammate, Hailie’s, feet, who cleared the ball toward midfield.

“Jessie, what the hell?” Jessie hears Teagan shout from behind her.

The halftime whistle blows, and Jessie couldn’t get to the locker room faster. Before she could reach her cubby, Coach Cromwell pulls her off to the side.

“Fleming, do you want to explain why it looks like you’ve never touched a soccer ball before in your life?” Coach Cromwell raises an eyebrow at her. 

“I–I don’t know, nerves, I guess,” Jessie gnaws on the inside of her cheek, unable to make eye contact with her coach.

“Well, you better get your nerves sorted by the end of halftime unless you want to get benched for the rest of the game.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Jessie nods, keeping her head down as she shuffles to her locker. Teagan, assigned the cubby next to her, frowns at her, brows furrowed with concern.

The second half went smoother for the midfielder. Her tackles were timed better, and she had better possession of the ball. The game remained tied at 0-0, UCLA pushing the ball into the opposing half of the field. Hailie sent a ball into Jessie’s feet, and she dribbled down the sideline, the opposing winger closing in on her. Faking left, she got the opponent to bite, leaving her a hole for Jessie to slip the ball between her legs. The crowd went nuts, you included. Jessie laid the ball off for her teammate, Ashley, who took the ball into the corner drawing a defender so the Canadian could make a run in. Ashley crossed a low-through ball into the box, which Jessie met at the top of the six, slotting it into the bottom-left corner of the goal. 

You jumped to your feet, cheering as loud as you could. Noticing Jessie scanning the crowd, you give her an overexaggerated wave, to which she acknowledges with a smile. The game ends 2-0, Ashley tacking on another goal in the final two minutes. Waiting for Jessie and Teagan to complete their “good games” and post-game huddle, you stick yourself by the fence in a spot where they could easily find you. 

“Y/N, you made it!” Teagan exclaims, jogging over, Jessie not far off her heels. 

“Wouldn’t have missed it for the world,” you beam, “you guys did awesome! Great goal, Jess.”

Jessie’s cheeks flush as Teagan throws an arm around her, “She nearly had two.”

“You’re never letting me live that down, will you?” she groans, trying to avoid Teagan’s soft punches to her ribs.

“Teagan!” the three of you turn to see Hailie motioning Teagan back over to the bench, giggling, “Come here!”

“I’ll be back,” Teagan says, shooting Jessie an obvious wink before running off. Jessie throws her hands up in protest, grumbling something under her breath. She turns back to you, cheeks still red.

“Um, thanks for coming to watch,” she smiles sheepishly. A few yards behind her, she can hear Teagan making loud, fake coughs. Their conversation from the other day flashes through her mind. “I still have to shower, but would you, uh, maybe want to get dinner? With me, I mean?”

“Teagan and Hailie, too? Or, are you asking me out on a date?” you grin.

“I–well, I mean,” Jessie stammers, her face hot. 

“Because I’d much rather it be a date,” you assure.

Relief floods through Jessie’s entire body. “Then it’s a date.”

[enka-antix]

OKAY I THINK I GOT IT (maybe-)

The pills could either be inmortality pills or some sort of concentrated Samadhi fire fuel thingy (more likely) to keep the Samadhi ‘contained’ within wukong (its too busy burning the pills/wukong’s inmortalities to go escape and burn the universe), this would still hurt wukong, and explain his weakness (the pills being barely enough to keep the samadhi from killing him), while making sense with the ‘wukong is getting cooked with no fire’ (CONFIRMED) comment. Either way, the samadhi fire has a really high chance of being the unstoppable object because of that comment in one post (‘the samadhi cant be actually supressed, what else do you do with something so volatile’) thus, the unmovable object has got to be the pills (their meeting causing all the health problems for wukong).

what you all are mainly missing is one big factor.

So I'll give another bit of info. In the og timeline wukong had no such pills nor did he think he needed them. It was laozi who pointed out that thing wouldn't work out the way he wanted :)

Once you have the why, it makes the how easier.

[opinion-haver]

these replies perfectly summarize how we got to the issue of devaluing human connection in the first place and how this post is pretty much exacerbating the issue:

“yall are so dumb” - this sentiment writes off an entire population of people who are struggling. literally destroying human connections directly. and i think that in and of itself is dumb

“this is sooooo dystopian” -its pretty obvious how people running to ai therapists fullblown sucks and is dystopian but one must not forget that pointing at an issue isnt actually addressing it, especially when the comparison is rooted in nostalgia.

“these people are pitiful”- another strain of thinking people are so dumb. its patronizing. if you cant find shared humanity— if you cant see within yourself a version that would succumb, you dont understand the problem.

honorable mention: the tools introduced above lend a very fun look into how ineffectual the system is and how these tools dont address at all the reasons why one would speak to an ai therapist in the first place.

worksheets: if i was going through a breakup or panic attack or some shit equivalent you would be absolutely kidding me to think that i would open up a worksheet. im suicidal not a masochist. zero humanity in that response.

chart-games: i find these useful, i even made a modified in-browser personal guide just for myself. but the issue is that most of the times conscious malaise isnt often cured by just eating or drinking just because you forgot. and thats if you remember to go to the website when youre doing badly in the first place. if im in hell im checked the fuck out.

finch: as a daily user of finch, i know directly how helpful this tool can be. it pairs the dopamine rush of games with executive function, like so many other gamified trackers out there. i like the data analysis personally, reflections are so useful to knowing yourself from day to day. but its very much trying to monetize your self care. to gate some of its tools behind a premium subscription because (paraphrase) “you deserve self care” is insidious as hell. and the ways it treats you is patronizing. i know youre dressing up a cartoon bird but i dont think helping the bird discover it likes baby shark is particularly salient to the aging tumblr userbase

ok so ive complained a whole lot. but in order to put money where my mouth is, whats the solution?

well obviously! to foster human connection of course. if these people dont know what real human connection is like its because nobody has BEEN real human connection for them. and vice versa— if you strawman these people into mindless idiots then clearly you dont understand their psyche.

in lieu of an ai therapist, reach out to a gd friend.

if you dont got friends, go make em. its ez. outside is easiest— show up to some kind of local thing or the other. it doesnt have to mesh with you completely but learning about Hetero Jessicas worklife balance is way more illustrative of human reality than chatgpt. but outside is not the only way. go ping someone random. get over the initial fear. fall in love with strangers. learn about their cats and trade cat pictures or some shit. its not easy but its worth it. hell, if you want to dm me i might even reply, if im not busy.

solidarity saved me. it can save you too.

guys. please

[keferon]

"It would be a tough contest in that moment to tell whose smile is brightest."

Swindle meets Blurr for the first time.

------------------------------

Swindle throws his coat over the back of a chair and waves at the bartender for a drink.  It's been a long day.  Too long for Swindle's taste.  These are the hard days. The days that throw into question all the money that mecha has brought flowing into Swindle's accounts.  Because these are the days where he actually has to work to ensure that money keeps flowing – to ensure that mecha doesn't crumble into darkened ruins.

Swindle sighs as his drink is placed in front of him.  Investors meetings and government supervisors.  What a fiasco. 

When the reports had first made their way up from engineering all the way to his desk (well Onslaught's desk, technically, and then Onslaught had brought it to his desk), he had hardly believed what he was reading.  A way to make a mech that could move at speeds beyond what had been speculated to be the upper limits of maneuverability. Mecha would be the first, the best.  Way ahead of any possible competition.  This mech would ensure that mecha was the name in every headline and the front of every government contract for this war.

It all seemed so clear, so simple that Swindle had had his doubts.  The science he didn't care about.  At the end of the day, the engineering reports were all just theories.  And Swindle had learned long ago never to bet on something that seemed too good to be true (though he would on occasion strongly encourage others to do just that; their loss, his gain).

But then engineering had actually produced a prototype of their mythical mech design.  And everything had become very real very fast.  Investors were swarming.  Governments were watching.  Things had been looking so good.  Until today.

Today had been the first series of prototype tests.  A disastrous series of prototype tests.  Because the one thing neither engineering nor Swindle had accounted for was that a mech was useless without a pilot. 

And the pilots in testing hadn't gotten anywhere near close to the prototype's full potential before losing control.  Every.  Single.  One of them. 

The investors hadn't been impressed.  Swindle might have still been able to salvage the situation, flash some reassuring smiles and talk them round that this was just an early design and there was still so much potential for the future.  But then the last pilot had crashed the mech so badly that fires had to be put out – literally – across the testing hangar.

The investors and the government contractors hadn't liked that in the slightest.  There had been talks of safety standards and getting external regulators involved.  Swindle had spent the rest of the day and into the night, putting out the metaphorical fires that burned on long after the remains of the crash had been hauled away and the pilot had been patched up.  Damage control. 

He had at least managed to forestall a final judgement on shutting down the experimental mech technology.  But, that didn't leave a lot of opportunity and came with its own set of challenges.  Namely challenges in the shape of Shockwave.  Shockwave, who had offered to solve all of Swindle's problems, make them disappear under the guise of scientific and medical advancements.  Shockwave, who believed the only way forward was to not just to push to the limits of humanity, but to surpass them.  That his science could do that and more.  Make humans into pilots that were faster, stronger, more durable.  Pilots that could be brought back from even the brink of death.  At what cost?  Swindle often wondered.  At what point, if Shockwave had his way, would he take the human out of humanity?

Swindle needs this opportunity, needs to overcome these challenges.  He might have been skeptical of the new mech feasibility at the start.  But today…today they had come close enough he could already see it – see the extra zeros piling onto the end of his bank account, see the way mecha would be transformed by that kind of spotlight and publicity.

He stares into the depths of the glass for a moment, then takes a long slow drink.  It's as he sets the glass down that the car pulls up outside the bar.  The stop itself is a spectacle – made with such speed and precision that Swindle notices half the bar turning to watch along with him.  The car itself is enough to make Swindle whistle under his breath.  And then the driver steps out, crosses the few steps of pavement, and enters the bar.

Swindle isn't sure he believes in a higher power.  And even if he did, he isn't sure what it is that he ever would have done in his life to earn this kind of miracle.  As for luck – Swindle doesn't count on luck.

But maybe that's what this is – a good turn of circumstance.  Because the man who just walked through the door is Blurr – the Blurr of F1 racing fame.  Easily the fastest F1 racer in history.  Possibly the greatest the sport has ever seen or ever will see. 

The man hasn't been seen around this part of town before – hasn't been seen much at all since his last racing crash outside of recorded promotions and scheduled interviews.  And now more than half the bar is staring as they recognize who's just walked through the door, some people starting to get up and move forwards – forming a small crowd that Blurr has to make his way through.

In spite of himself, he finds himself being drawn closer as he watches the gleaming smiles that Blurr throws around the bar – smiles that seem genuine enough to even reach the man's eyes.  Swindle watches Blurr sign autographs, pose for selfies, and shake hands – waiting for the moment when the man's patience grows thin, when the smile starts to slip and he starts to push his way faster through the crowd.  Only it never comes.

Swindle smiles as he brings his drink back to his lips.  His own patience is wearing thin by the time Blurr finally reaches the bar, though he keeps the smile stretched across his face.  Swindle watches how Blurr sits, how he orders his drink, his posture, his mannerisms -- sizing up the man and his movements.  He knows of Blurr, but he doesn't know Blurr.  And he will only get one chance at this.  That he's getting a chance at all, still leaves Swindle slightly in awe.  The potential number of zeros this could possibly add to his bank account combined with the experimental mech technology leaves him bordering starstruck.

Swindle makes his way casually down the bar – not too fast, not too slow.  This needs to look natural, genuine.  And it surprises Swindle to realize that what he's planning to offer Blurr is more genuine than it is fake – a deal they both might benefit from.

Blurr looks up at Swindle with a smile that nearly causes the words to stick in Swindle's throat before he can speak.  But Swindle is a professional.

"Blurr?" he asks.  "I'm Swindle."

"Yes," Blurr replies.  "And do you want an autograph or a photo or a handshake?"  From anyone else, Swindle thinks the question would come across with undercurrents of barely concealed irritation.  But Blurr somehow makes it sound like an exchange with an old friend.

"None of the above.  I want to offer you a job," Swindle says.  "May I sit?"

Blurr nods, still smiling, though his gaze drifts across the bar as Swindle takes a seat next to him.  That won't do, Swindle thinks.  He wants – needs -- Blurr's full attention, his interest.  He doesn't have it now.  The average individual probably wouldn't even realize.  But Swindle considers himself far from average in the art gauging people and gaining their confidence.  He can tell when someone is faking their way through, knows the signs -- because no one does it better than him.  Or so he had thought until he met Blurr.

"I run mecha," Swindle says.  His smile broadens as he watches Blurr's gaze sharpen.  Got him.

"And what would a company like mecha want to hire me for?" Blurr asks.  "I'm not an engineer.  I'm not a soldier."

"Well--" Swindle starts slowly.  Draw him in.  "I – we – have a problem.  A problem you might be able to help us with.  We've built a mech."  One of Blurr's eyebrows raises. 

No shit, Swindle thinks Blurr must be thinking.  "State-of-the-art, top-of-the line technology," Swindle adds.

"And there's a problem with that?" Blurr asks.

"Yes.  The mech is fast.  Faster than fast.  Faster than any of our pilots can handle.  And all the best technology in a mech is no good without a pilot."  Words that Swindle had thought to himself, and then had shouted at him repeatedly through the day's crisis meetings.  As though that fact hadn't already made itself glaringly obvious by the results of the mech tests.

"They're speculating at this point the mech is so fast that it's beyond the capabilities of any human to control."  He sets the bait, waits to see if Blurr takes it.  He doesn't wait long.

"You want me to pilot it."  Blurr says it as a statement, not a question.  "How much are you willing to pay?"

Swindle lights up a little inside.  Blurr is a man of like-minded priorities. 

"However much you want," he counters.  "Assuming you can actually drive the thing."  Swindle is confident that whatever Blurr asks for will be an inconsequential fraction of the profits mecha is about to rake in from this deal.

Blurr nods, seemingly satisfied.  "We'll work out the details at your offices, after I get a look at this supposedly undrivable mech.  If it's as fast as you say…."

There's something like longing in Blurr's gaze, Swindle thinks.

"If it's as fast as you say, you've got a deal.  Let me get my hands on that mech, give me what I ask for, and I won't just show you speed – I'll show you how to make it fly."  Blurr holds out his hand to Swindle, and Swindle shakes it.  It would be a tough contest in that moment to tell whose smile is brightest.

OOOOUUUHHH I LOVE IT

Also I can’t stop imagining Swindle and Blurr sitting there like

Swindle: Smiles shiny

Blurr: Smiles shinier

The entire bar: gets flashbanged

Kdodofkfnhtrhgsffsgdvdvdvcwdd

[reverieblondie]

What if Raphael teleported himself to Tav and she just so happens to be completely naked? Like they haven't really begun courting yet, and BAM! Now he is in her home and he is seeing the object of his affections interests in all of her glory when he wasn't expecting to.

Bonus points if Tav is super calm about it - minus any initial surprise - and just sighs and casually goes to start covering up, maybe while saying "So what can I do for you, Raphael?" or mumbling something like "And this kind of thing was why I asked Korrilla to tell me when to expect you. So much for 'that would never happen'... "

You can decide what happens from there.

A/N: Thank you for this ask! I actually have made this ask a part one to another ask that will be its part two. ( I hope that makes sense! ) Anyway, sorry for the wait and hope you enjoy! Starts off steamy but the ending is more silly. MDNI! 18+ only!

Oops...

He tries to focus on the show in front of him. Raphael crosses his legs. Lounging back in his chair, he intently watches as Harrlep makes the moaning tiefling bend over on all fours. 

These are always his favorites when a client so enamored with him is rewarded with Haarlep. It's the perfect cycle, the client is rewarded for their loyalty, Haarlep is fed, and Raphael gets to feel the ghost of pleasure on his cock as the person is beautifully ravaged. Always so captivated as sharp claws traced down their backs letting beautiful drops of crimson cascade down their skin and decorated his satin sheets. Then there is the musical sound of horse wanton moans with desperate cries of more. 

But today… It's doing nothing. 

Even as Harrlep yanks on the man's tail, making him scream and rut himself back on the incubus's  cock faster. It still stirs nothing; Raphael looks down at his crotch, where he feels everything but nothing in making it swell. He's never had this problem before, and now he's bored of this show.

"Stop, stop," he commands, making Harrlep pause their thrust. 

Haarlep sighs, rolling their eyes while pulling the man's tailback, keeping his ass warming their cock. "Do I need to remind you about critiquing my fucking again?" 

Raphael sneers at the incubus, "No. I'm simply bored." 

Haarlep smirks, leaning down to the man, lifting his head by the horns to face Rapheal. The man's dark eyes are full of tears, his cheeks flushed and panting for breath. "Hear that, darling? You're boring the master…" 

Their words of cruelty taunt as the man's cock throbs, precum drooling out as he lets out a sob. Haarleps's hips started to roll again at the delicious sound and the feel of his quivering. Incubus are always so torturous to their meals. 

Raphael waves a hand before Haarlep can resume their pace, "Go take him somewhere else; leave me alone." 

Haarlep hums, continuing to tease their current meal, til a cruel smirk twists to their lips. "So sorry, pretty boy, but Raphael would have preferred to watch a little mouse instead."

They snap their fingers before Raphael can yell at Haarlep and disappear with the man. They will take all they can from him to get their fill. Raphael has been rather neglectful to his incubus as of late… but to mention you of all people…

Raphael twists his chair to face his desk where contracts sit, waiting in their draft forms. It takes no effort from him to pluck up one of the rolls of parchment and find the contract he had written just for you. You're so clever, having never signed it, much to Raphal's annoyance. Though his mind still lingers back to you. And though your name is not here, it still echoes in his mind. Haarlep, as insufferable as they are, does have a point… Raphael longs to see you, to see you in his bed… though he wouldn't be just watching on the side, Raphael would be the one tracing his long nails down your body, the one to be thrusting you into submission as your body sweats and quivers to take all of him. 

The mere thought of it makes his body grow hotter, and his cock finally twitch. Raphael rolls his eyes at himself; those thoughts get him to stir. 

Not only has Raphael been thinking of your body and how it could be twisted for all of his pleasures, but he also just wonders about you and what you're doing… He could send Korrilla to spy on you, though he doesn't know if he could merely be satiated with retelling your daily happenings. No, he wants to witness it, watch as you wake, follow you as you stroll through the city, and see your wit and quick nature to the worms that dare test you or flirt with you.  

The thought makes him sneer. He needs to get eyes on you; the sooner, the better. Standing, Raphael makes sure his hair is fixed, and his clothes are present. Once he deems himself suitable, he snaps his fingers and lets the blaze transport him. 

Raphaels is already practicing what he will say once he sees you again, but as he's transported to you and finally sees you, all of that rehearsing goes out the window. When the cambion, after all this time, finally gets to see his little mouse, he gets the privilege of seeing her in all her natural glory. From the steam and water running down the curves of your body, it's clear to him that you have just gotten out of the bath. The other thing he observes is that you don't seem all that surprised to see him.

You eye him up and down before rolling your eyes and reaching for a towel. "You have impeccable timing, Raphael..." You wrap yourself up and stroll over to the cambion. "What can I help you with, Raphael?"

Raphael feels his whole body approach him. You could help him with things... but those desires are forced to wait.

"Mouse, I'm hurt. How do you know this isn't just a friendly visit? "

A scoff leaves your throat as you turn away from him, dropping your towel as you do behind a Changing divider. "You don't do friendly Visits in my experience..."

 Raphael tsk. "my, you are cynical.."

You come from behind the divider in a simple outfit, and only you can enhance it into something beautiful... You fold your arms over and do that slight frown that drives him mad... "What have you come for?"

You... he Wants to say, but he bites his tongue.

Raphael is trying to keep his cool facade and does some quick thinking.

"Well, mouse, if you must know... I'm here for your home."

You look at him confused, "My home? Why?"

Raphael steps forward, carefully brushing your hair from your shoulder. "The house of hope has been... busy as of late... the screams, the questions from servants, Haarleps... loud feeding... it's all so distracting... even a devil needs an escape."

"Why my home?"

Rapheul smiles at the simple question, "You have always been my favorite client's mouse."

A Smile threatens to curl to your lips," so you want to use my house as an escape? What if I'm not here?"

"I can find my way around..."

"What if I'm here

"I wouldn't mind, it is your house…"

You think momentarily, "What if I bring a guest over?

Raphael Shrugs as his fingers trace your skin, "Tell them I'm your roommate ... or your lover…

Raphael feels you tremble, "What's the catch?"

"No catch, just sometimes unexpected company." 

You think long before nodding, "Fine, but I have some terms for you to follow." 

"Deal." 

[thathomestar]

played through the black mesa blue shift mod, up through the xen chapter since that's all they've released so far. the mod aims to remake the entirety of blue shift in the style of black mesa, and boy howdy does it deliver on that, for better and for worse.

they actually establish a couple supporting characters, more security guards and scientists, which is nice. in the original game it was basically just dr rosenberg, so more named characters is a good change imo. feels like you're actually rallying people together to fight your way out of black mesa.

a weird thing this mod does is take away player control sometimes. i can understand it for specific sequences, like when the elevator crashes at the beginning or when you first teleport into xen, but it also does it for some mundane things too, like inserting a keycard into a switch. why? half-life's whole thing is letting the player be in control the whole time.

the first few chapters are well paced, but it starts feeling like its padding a bit when you go off to find dr rosenberg. you have to do this whole song and dance moving a train back and forth and turning it around properly on turntables to bust him out. they could have cut out some of the tedium there a little.

my problems really start when it comes to the xen chapter. the original blue shift xen chapter lasts for roughly 30-40 minutes for a first time player, though someone like me was able to speed through it in under 15. with the black mesa mod, they have stretched out the runtime of this chapter to 3 hours.

it starts off pretty strong, you're making your way through xen, taking in the sights and finding all the stuff the previous science teams have left behind. about 90 minutes in i was wondering when i'm gonna get to the focal point relay thing, the whole reason calhoun goes to xen in the first place.

but instead you keep detouring through black mesa outposts and alien factory things and it just gets so long in the tooth. it'd be one thing if you get to one of these places and you're there for 5-10 minutes at most, but you typically spend over 20, sometimes even 30 minutes at these places.

there's one bit where you inexplicably decide to jump on the back of one of the giant flying manta rays and it flies around for like 15 minutes like an autoscroller section until it gets shot down by alien railguns, and then you spend 30 minutes making your way over to and destroying the railguns. and the whole time i'm just like... when are we getting to the focal point thing.

so finally you get to the focal point relay and turn it on but it gets jammed by a signal so you spend another 40 minutes blazing through ANOTHER alien factory so you can blow it up and you make your way back to the focal point thing and the portal's open but alien controllers keep telekinetically grabbing you and yanking you away from it... and it's just so exhausting. i got burned out.

not to mention the weirdness with how they handle vortigaunts. so in black mesa they do this whole thing in xen to show that the vorts are slaves and don't actually want to fight you, but calhoun never encounters any of that stuff. for the first 2/3rds of xen in this mod, vortigaunts are constantly trying to kill you non-stop. then all of a sudden they don't attack you anymore. why? because i, the player know they're not really bad? why would calhoun know that? it doesn't really make sense to me.

xen is cool. i like xen. if you told me "we're adding more xen to blue shift" i'd be like alright that's cool. but 6-8 times more? that's way too much. xen in blue shift was never meant to be a long trip. calhoun was supposed to get in, find the focal point relay, align it, and leave, not go on a grand alien gallivanting adventure. that's for gordon to do.

[whatdidtheydotomygirljinx]

the problem is that it's so hard to really analyze anything about arcane, and draw any conclusions about the story, because of the way it was written and conceived in the first place.

to the people who're like "yeah season 2 was bad, but season 1 was a MASTERPIECE in story writing and PERFECT in every way", that's just not true. the cracks were already there in season 1. there's multiple things, especially overarching ones, that just don't add up, and several ways that the story progresses that seem like odd choices. the thing was that, to me, the rest of it was all so good... the small details, the contained scenes were so well done, so detailed, so touching, that i really believed that maybe those cracks were just hiccups after all, and it's not a big deal, and maybe they'll even make a lot more sense and all get tied up with a nice little bow in season 2 (ha)

to me, at this point, it seems obvious that the way season 1 came into being was that these three idiots (who should never be allowed to write anything ever again) wrote a script, that was so terrible that riot had to bring in help to fix it for them (cause they were that incapable) and then someone got handed their slop and told "save this as much as you can, but keep the main points the same", and save it THEY DID! but the overarching plot is still the original one. which is why there's this dissonance all across it.

season 1 often seems like it's trying to tell two different stories at once. the example that comes easiest to me is jinx's transformation from powder to jinx post time skip. to the people i know irl who watched it, me included, the difference between these two is jarring, to the point that it just doesn't seem realistic that powder would change that much. this is what most people's reaction to her transformation was. like, sure, she changed... but jinx is almost a completely different person. and we can sit here and analyze all we want, and say yeah, but look, in ep2 min37, powder laughs when an enforcer is hurt, so that shows that she is indeed attracted to violence even at this age, but like... first of all, im at this point fully convinced that these details were put in specifically for that, to attenuate the valley that is between powder's character and jinx's, and I also honestly feel embarrassed that i even have to do all of this at all.

other notable examples are whatever is going on between jinx and silco in their relationship. like, yeah, he was actually a good father to her... but actually, there's something weird going on between them... but actually, no... he was better than vander, but actually he was worse than vander and was actually the cause of everything bad in jinx's life..... and on, and on, because the literal story itself never actually makes up its mind on what it wants the relationship between these two characters to be. same as it never makes up its mind on whether powder was a cute, innocent kid who was just manipulated by silco, or if powder was born like that and was just looking for an opportunity to release her inner jinx. same way as it never makes up its mind on whether vi is a devoted sister, who would do anything to get powder back, as she herself says, or if she actually thinks this new enforcer chick she just met is kinda cooler, as her actual actions would indicate. does silco adopt jinx because he sees himself in her, or does he intend to use her as a weapon and then later on grows to actually care about her? there comes a point where "this is a complex story" just becomes an excuse for "we were actually working with three different ideas at once and we never really decided on which one we were gonna do and we kinda just prayed it would all work out somehow"

the one thing that arcane season 2 has on season 1 is that it doesn't suffer from any of these weird identity issues. it's bad and simplistic but it's bad and simplistic in its entirety and it doesn't ever seem interested in being anything else. the story has no continuity or congruence issues, except of course for the ghost of season 1 that haunts it, and especially haunts the writers, who so far have displayed nothing but dismay for the story that actually made this show so acclaimed, and have done all they could to bury it as much as possible in season 2.

now, personally, im a big death of the author truther. even more so in cases like these, where we're dealing with teams of people. power struggles happen in studios, and in writing rooms, and at every level of production. and these three people that have taken credit don't seem like the most emotionally (or intellectually) mature individuals.

so, to solve all these issues, just know that when im discussing or analyzing arcane, im going off the interpretation of the events that serves the story the most, and that leads to the most meaningful narrative and the one that is most worth telling. all of this weird lee and overton slop that snuck in im gonna be completely ignoring.

[freakenomenon]

What upsets me is people reducing ted into toxic yaoi twink when a huge part of his character is his attraction to Ellen as well as dehumanising her/putting her on a pedestal, how he suddenly plays hero for her despite his history of sucking up to racist rich people etc. They have way too cool of an ACTUAL TOXIC dynamic to explore for ted to be reduced into .. tedam abuser x victim fetish content. Basically I agree with u <3

YOU FUCKING GET IT. both ellen and ted are such interesting characters and together they are generally worse people as a result and nobody. talks about that.

nobody talks about how ellens ( mostly of self inflicted, mostly due to a fear of being incapable ) loneliness and lack of real support in her past life mixing with teds absolute NEED to be needed and obsession with being desirable is like the ultimate reason why they would never work out outside of AMs influence ( alongside ted being a bigot, obviously. )

and teds dehumanization of ellen , as well as his obsession with being her savior ( despite being THE ABUSER ) is ESPECIALLY present in his psychodrama. ( and basically explicitly stated to us in the manual i.e. "Then I remember Ellen screaming in her coffin-cage. I call out to her again, offering encouragement. I don't want her shaken up too badly by her present ordeal. I can still use her." ) its baffling to me that nobody else realized how blatantly and morbidly fetishizistic ( thats not a word but just go for it ) teds view of ellen is there. viewing ellen as some defenseless and helpless damsel who is bed-stricken and begging for him to help her. when. she was FORCED into that position by years of abuse and a weird reversal of her own trauma responses BY HIM and the other men is. Just. Gestures to that.

ALSO. something thats also interesting to me is that ted never mentions ellen success in her career or her financial/corporate status. once.

something something ellen worked so hard to make herself into something and despite her trauma, became someone educated and hard working and enabling/excusing people like ted who actively dumb all black women down to helpless dumb bimbos who only know sex and sass is. actively being a part of the problem idk.

point is, ted is not a good guy. and thats what makes him interesting there is no point in defending his behavior, just embrace it. you'll be happier i promise.

[mymoshangthoughts]

the amount i wanna explore the immortal alliance is just So Much

okay there are LAYERS to how i feel about these events

because look guys, so far as we understand, airplane is a pretty normal dude. a bit of an internet troll (ok a lot of an internet troll), a horny writer, and an immature punkass who's completely shameless, but like... he's not a mass murderer ya'll.

it KILLS ME that we never got an airplane extra about the immortal alliance because dude HOW HE FELT ABOUT THAT IS A LOT

yeah, he's grown up in this world and yeah he might have had no choice either via the system or via mobei jun or a mix of both, but its absolutely bonkers to be able to just walk off "yeah, a bunch of CHILDREN died in really brutal ways directly because of my influence". like shen yuan was wracked with guilt for years and he only 'killed' one kid and he knew that kid would walk it off.

and i dont buy the explanation that airplane wasn't treating pidw like a real world because frankly... i just dont think that makes any fucking sense if he was born there. yeah, it's gotta feel a bit wonky and unreal with the system in his head, but dude he was BORN here. suspension of disbelief that this world wasn't 'real' wouldnt last a few years, much less several decades. the sheer number of people he would have met, interacted with, and knew were REAL wouldnt make it possible. i do think that he made a huge effort not to get attached to anyone, knowing that bing-ge was gonna kill the fuck out of basically all of them, but theres a big difference between "ahh yeah that guy is gonna die so imma try not to get attached" and "lol ive lived in this world for thirty years but i dont actually think any of this is real"

so look, theres two possibilities for airplane's reaction:

he really does have a seriously fucked up side of him thats 100% okay with murdering children

he was VERY not okay with what happened but he had no choice and he's just Coping the best he can

there's also some answers in-between, but fuck i need to know this answer so badly because knowing the answer to how airplane reacted to the immortal alliance is SO character defining and it drives me insane. characterizing a person who can justify children dying because "not my problem, idc" versus someone who's horrified and traumatized over the part they played in child murder IS KINDA A BIG DIFFERENCE

personally, im coming to a headcanon somewhere in the middle. because tbh none of the airplane extras really spend any time addressing him feeling any sort of guilt over the situation. which does make it seem that he really does have a seriously dark side to him. and he did walk off his fellow disciples getting murdered by mobei jun very easily. but also, i headcanon that he is just the Master of compartmentalizing shit that fucks with him. cant deal with the events of the immortal alliance? thats fine, imma just put those feelings in a box and Never Think About Them.

i actually like to think that airplane's issue with the immortal alliance is the exact reason that mobei jun showed up in person. airplane is doing the immortal alliance thing because the system isnt giving him a choice and he's trying Very Hard not to think about "oh wow, theres gonna be a lot of junior disciples dead by the end of this haha, wow, they look so young ahhahaha, did teenagers always look like toddlers??? bc this is fucking me up REALLY FUCKING BAD" and mobei jun notices that something is Really Wrong with airplane and he cant decide if he's worried or suspicious of airplane's behavior

so he decides to show up in person, just to make sure shang qinghua isnt gonna pull anything but also that the idiot doesnt die while he's acting So Weird

but i think that airplane is like hyper pragmatic

so he's horrified in the planning stages and maybe even in the execution stages, but once it's over he's very much "they're already dead, theres no changing that, theres no point agonizing over it" and its not that he's OKAY with what happened but he literally cannot justify tearing himself apart over people who are dead because that isnt going to help anything. they're not alive to see him upset over it and even if their ghosts could see him, they're not gonna really feel better over dying bc "the guy who killed me feels really bad about it"

i also think that the years airplane spent growing up as shang qinghua play into it A LOT. he's had decades to come to terms with the immortal alliance happening. he knows its a major plot point, it's basically one of two major plot points that shang qinghua has a part in, and the system is unlikely to let him get out of it. so he's spent a longgg time numbing himself to the reality of "im going to murder dozens of children"

this is all my speculations tho and i just wanna rip my hair out that we dont have an immortal alliance extra!!!!!! i just want to KNOW instead of guessing where his head is at. literally, if he doesnt feel any guilt over murdering children, that's kinda a Big Deal characterization-wise. and if he does feel guilt but he doesnt express it thats ALSO a Big Deal characterization-wise!!!

I JUST WANNA BE ABLE TO ACCURATELY PORTRAY HIS PERSONALITY FFFFUUUCCCKKKK I HATE THIS

anyway, im obsessed with the idea that mobei jun is the one who notices when airplane is Not Okay even when he's compartmentalizing like crazy. like airplane is so far down his hole of "its nbd and idc" that he actually believes it. he has to believe it to be able to live with himself. but the way he's fucked up shows up in other ways, maybe he's more forgetful than normal or scattered or clumsier or some mixture and mobei jun just Knows something is wrong, even when he doesnt know exactly what that wrong thing is

and like it becomes this thing where sometimes mobei jun knows airplane better than the little shit knows himself. airplane is so busy lying to himself to cope with his new reality and mobei jun sees through the lies that airplane believes.

but heres where mobei jun hits a problem lol. like, he knows theres something wrong, he knows how to read shang qinghua suupperr well, but does he know what to DO about any of that? absolutely not lmfao

"hm. qinghua is not okay. i should beat him four times today" LIKE THIS MAN DOES NOT KNOW HOW TO HELP EVEN WHEN HE UNDERSTANDS THE PROBLEM AND THAT'S HILARIOUS TO ME

like mobei jun shows up to the immortal alliance like "qinghua has been in pain over this. i'll show up unplanned and beat the shit out of him in front of everyone. that'll help."

i just think these two are an absolute disaster area and i love it

btw i am desperate for mobei jun's pov during the immortal alliance okay because LOOK

I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT IT ALOT

AND IM CONVINCED THAT MOBEI JUN /DID/ HAVE FEELINGS FOR AIRPLANE DURING THAT INCIDENT

BUT ALSO

ITS COMPLICATED

like i dont think mobei jun is simping like binghe, i think he's got some weird mixture of denial and affection and frustration and pining and hatred and suspicion thats all mixed up in all the best ways that during that time he is super in love with airplane but he's also got a lot of other Complicated feelings toward him AND I JUST WANNA SEE HIS POV TO PROVE MY HYPOTHESIS SO FUCKING BADLY WHY THE FUCK DO WE NEVER GET HIS POV IMMA SCREAM

mobei jun's fb status "its complicated"

airplane's fb status "single"

mobei jun: ...........im going to murder him. im going to murder him in his sleep. omfg i hate him so fucking much. WTF DO YOU MEAN SINGLE, YOU ASSHOLE

[na-oras]

Jinx's sacrifice and water theme

« Ever wondered what it’s like to drown? Story of opposites. There’s peace in water. Like it’s holding you, whispering in low tones to let it in. And every problem in the world will fade away. »

Interesting detail to notice about this beautiful last scene of Jinx, is that impression as she's caressing what's left of Vander in Warwick, they're under water.

You can even see some bubbles rising from Jinx, which are what's left of her tears, like air bubbles from breathing underwater. Her cheeks seem slightly puffy, as if she were holding her breath.

Soundtrack of this scene, Wasteland of Royal & the Serpent, seems to hang and muffle slightly on this precise passage, as if it were to be heard from Jinx's point of view, underwater.

But what is the point of creating this illusion of being underwater when they are actually in free fall ?

This highlights the ambivalence of this scene, both gentle and tragic. On the one hand, it softens an act that is actually very violent, involving a double suicide and murder, to convey its ultimate tenderness (Jinx sacrifices herself for Vi and out of love for Vander). And on the other hand, it recalls a theme that was addressed by a character who is particularly connected to Jinx : the experience of drowning as described by Silco.

Silco, in season 1, says this :

« Ever wondered what it’s like to drown? Story of opposites. There’s peace in water. Like it’s holding you, whispering in low tones to let it in. And every problem in the world will fade away.

But then, there’s this thing… in your head, and it’s raging. Lighting every nerve with madness. To fight. To survive.

And all the while this question lingers before you: Have you had enough?

It’s funny. You could pass a lifetime without ever facing a choice like that. But it changes you forever. For that, I thank you…Old friend. »

In Silco's case, an underlying rage and drive for survival is portrayed as the ambivalence of the peace felt when swallowed by water. This is not the case with Jinx here, whose sacrifice is constructed as suicide, the opposite of any drive to life.

This parallel evolution from a survival impulse to a cessation of all will to live could be seen as a continuation of Jinx and Silco's conversation about breaking the cycle of murder. By giving up the fight for survival, Jinx seeks to stop a killing to call for another killing.

This could also indicate, in line with the theory that Jinx covered up her suicide and ran away, that Jinx, by drowning, is seeking to bury her old chaotic and violent personality, to be reborn as a new person changed by the experience of drowning.

This theme of transformation through water is also developed by Silco in the scene where he places her in water to let Powder die and Jinx be fully born.

I don't have much more to add, except that I appreciated this leitmotif and the strength of its recurrence concerning the characters of Silco, Jinx and even Vander, and the effect of softness that it creates on Jinx's final scene.

[aleisters]

a lot of the time i'm very patient with being one of four people on this website who actually likes darby becuz whatever you cannot change people's hearts and it's not that big a deal. like i follow people who really hate darby and that's fine they usually just don't post about him because they have better things to do than post about a guy they vehemently dislike. i'm even mutuals w some of them its cool, i assume they have him blacklisted and just deal with my blog disappearing from their dash for pockets of time

but it is actually annoying watching stuff get made that deliberately excludes him as much as possible even though he is a focal point of that match or moment. or people reblog him to tag it shit like "eugh i hate darby so much!" because they don't have a strong enough backbone go reblog a different fucking gifset if they have that big a problem with him. like, come the fuck on