#its like 2am i doubt very many people will see this but

[hangmanbradshaw]

20 questions for fic writers

Tagged by @urmomsonfire and I figured I should keep going with the writing questions today!!! (thanks kale, love u)

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 17

2. What’s your total AO3 word count? 796,198 (do we think I can crack a million in close to a year we'll see)

3. What fandoms do you write for? I'm still living in Top Gun summer so I'll just be vibing here for a while

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

i want to brainwash you into loving me forever (nfl fake dating au)

baby, i'm howlin' for you (wolves & foxes au)

i can't stop you putting roots in my dreamland (rival princes au)

loose lips sink ships all the damn time (pirates au)

Love (Suite Love) (my travlor inspired AU lmao)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? I try to!! I'm really behind right now because I get really sucked into writing (and life, been very busy with my social calendar at the moment) but eventually I'll go through and catch up. Writing like this is for community, ya know? Engagement? Making friends, being crazy together, it's the vibe. (Plus every time a comment notification dings, an idea angel gets its wings lmao it's my fave part- talking to people)

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? Unhappy ending? Don't know her. I guess you can make my wish come true just cuz it ends with them deciding to kidnap the president and cyclone being like oh my god

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? it's 2am and i'm cursing your name is pretty stupid sweet but also wanna be your left hand man/iwtby left off prettyyyyyyy sweet

8. Do you get hate on fics? Everyone's always been sooooo sweet.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? *glances at my work from the corner of my eye* yes. just yes.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written? My mummy fic has actual mummy characters. But I've written a lot of like inspired ones? Some loose, some closer. One based off the Mummy, one that's a mummy/national treasure crossover LMAO, one off Jurassic Park, one off Twister, one off Beauty & the Beast kinda, one off princess & the frog, one kinda princess diaries 2/how to lose a guy BUT I actually have an insane idea I came up with recently that would be a uhhhhhhh crossover I guess........I'm giggling as I think about it

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? I don't think so? I hope not.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? some people have asked! So maybe soon.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? nope! but I love to riff with other writers. i'm way too particular about my own work to co-write probably tbh

14. What’s your all time favorite ship? Hangster currently! prev: buddie, destiel, sharpay/gabriella from hsm (leave me alone lmao).

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? if I post I am going to make myself finish but I have some I've never posted that I doubt I'll finish (one's a rivals fake dating destination wedding)

16. What are your writing strengths? I'd say melancholic fluffy humor and banter, others have told me world building and being lowkey emotional

17. What are your writing weaknesses? being concise and angst actually- I struggle with that sometimes

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? Amazing when people can do it, but I tend to avoid writing it since I'm not fluent.

19. First fandom you wrote for? High School Musical and then I took a massive break and started with Top Gun again.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written? I love all my babies for different reasons but IWTBY & That Little Farm are currently my true loves

Tagging anyone who wants to do this, also @paulmezcal as a welcome to tumblr (no pressure you def don't have to do it haha)

[emmythespacecowgirl]

hi emmy!! ♡ I hope you're doing well !! I wanted to ask for a ship, preferably for the Pacific :) um so here's some information on me!

Brief description of my looks; Curly hair that's brown with highlights of blonde and red. It's like a mixture of my parents hair colours. I am tall, 175cm. Fashion wise; Starting to get into more of some sort of punk fashion. I like fashion in general but punk fashion has been especially cool as of late, imo. Band tees!! I wait for the day a pretentious man asks me for songs by the hand; I'll list a whole album to spite the man. My friend calls me her scary dog privilege !! The same friend (I love her sm) labeled my eyes sea glass. My facial expressions are either sorrowful or a bit stand-offish. No in-between.

Personality; As you can tell I can be talkative but in that same sense, I am very quiet. I enjoy observing rather than speaking. I am a bit shy and tend to blush rather easily. Oftentimes, people find me to be therapeutic which has its ups and downs. I have the tendency to act like a leader, it just comes naturally? Especially if there are people much younger than me in a group setting. I love making jokes. I love seeing people smile and enjoy the moment, that's the most beautiful sight. I have photoshopped cowboy hats onto pictures of my friends & set those photos as their contact pictures. I don't think this is a personality trait but I'll say it; I am Jewish. Oh! So important thing to me; Music!! I listen to music all the time. Some bands I enjoy include; the pogues, the clash, second thoughts, the ramones, joy division, stone roses. The list goes on, actually here's a band name that'll make you laugh; "The nipples erectors" um, don't ask me lmao. Anyway!! I'm an equestrian, english discipline. Oh, I love geography!! I'm trying to memorize the world map. I write. Like a lot. I'm passionate about a lot... oh yeah, I suppose I need to mention I struggle with depression & have a baggage that I'd rather not say out loud... but it exists and greatly distorts how I view my body. also if this helps; I'm an infp and type 3 enneagram.

Anyway, thanks!! Mwah!!

Hi babe!! honestly i feel like you and i would be fashion twins irl!! your style sounds so cool ngl <3

I ship you with:

Bob Leckie from The Pacific!

ship theme song: She's My Religion by Pale Waves

okay Leckie lowkey needs and craves a punk bitch gf!!

the man tries so hard to be an edgelord stg

he needs a punk queen in his life!!!

i feel like he would just see you walking down the street one day

and he's just like

"god damn... this girl is my QUEEN"

is it your sea glass-colored eyes that captivated him first?

or your ripped fishnets and doc martens??

who can say???

dude probably writes romantic emo poetry about you at 2am in his bedroom

literally pining after you and he works up the nerve to finally ask you out

like Leckie, you're either very quiet or a chatterbox

no in between

he appreciates your quietness and conversation equally

Leckie thinks its so dang cute when you blush

so he tries to make you blush often

over the most stupid stuff, too!

he loves going on double dates with you and Runner and his gf

or Chuckler and his gf

and your natural leadership tendencies take over

he'll just smile at you stupidly

but inside he's just like

"oh yeah... that's my dang gf >:)"

he's so intrigued by your Jewish heritage

he loves going to Passover at your family's place each year

your parents are totally smitten with him

but his most favorite thing to do with you is to go to the record store on Saturdays

he'll let you pick out as many records as you want

and will gladly buy them for you

depend on Leckie to fuel your music addiction >:)

he loves how passionate you are about everything you do

he considers himself really lucky to know a girl like you <3

also, Leckie is deals with his own certain type of baggage

so he's no stranger to anxiety and depression

he hopes that you'll share your worries and doubts with him

and he'll be open and truthful with you as well :)

[justgotpunched]

I was watching a serial killer iceberg on yt (I found it at 2am it was done with respect to the victims and not like,, yknow hi murderbabes)

But anyway I think we need to talk about how we think and talk about killers and like pwople who commit horrible crimes in the context of the justice system.

We mostly see people who do bad stuff get convicted, thays what gets media coverage. And it is very easy to get caught up in the thinking that the courts are failing and like, yes often the justice systems of our countries fail us a lot (im not gonna go into biases, im white im from a central european country where the majority is white I dont have enough experience or knowledhe to talk abt systemic biases) but the anti justoce system sentiments are visible. Ive seen and heard multiple people advocating for capital punishment or wishing ceiminals got harsher sentences, especially in cases where in said country/place such a sentence is not available (for example, max sentence is lets say 50 years and people wish someone had idk life) as much as its natural to want to see guilty amd bad pwople get punished, theyre still pwople. Many of them did horrible unimaginable ateocities but theyre still people.

Also, we forget that these barriers, the courts just not immediately sentencing someone, the process taking time or someone having their charges dropped because there is "reasonable doubt"are there to PROTECT people. Like I said, we mostly hear about courts in context of atrocious crimes but many if not most people brought to court are innocent, at least of what they have charged against them. There are many instances even in those true crime covered crimes when the police has multiple suspects, or suspects the wrong person. And now we have to ask ourselves, do we want to live in a world where the law DOESNT need to be assured beyond a reasonable doubt that someone is guilty to give them a life. A lot of people rotted in prisons for crimes they disnt commit a lot of people died (which is why I think captial punishment needs to go, also please reasearch how "humane" the methods of capital punishment are, spoilers: theyre not). Which is why I think we need to stop demonising courts, and blaming them entirely for someone getting away. Because courts are not here only to put "bad" people away, they have to find whether this particular individual committed those particular crimes basing on proof and evidence.

Those "failures" where a "horrible human being" is set free have saved many others from unfair imprisonment, we just dont hear about those. So please, think before you say that courts should sentence people more easily, because they really, really shouldnt.

[evans-heaven]

SpaghettiOs ; Eddie Munson

Another Eddie fic because what’s stopping me? This would’ve been up last night but tumblr decided to crash and I lost the entire post 🙃 so, was up until 2AM re-typing it, but if I’m being honest, I like this version better. Hope y’all enjoy 💕

Pairing: Eddie Munson x Fem!Reader (no use of Y/N but teeny tiny hint at size difference)

Warnings: Ridiculously melodramatic content, talk of food, swearing, angst but then fluff (like its gross), opinions about marriage that are not my own, brief description of Chrissy’s death scene, implied smut at the end.

WC: 2.7k

Your boyfriend was antsy, and you couldn’t blame him.

It was really just one thing after another for him during the past couple of days. First, he helplessly watched the queen of Hawkins High die a very macabre and unexplainable death in the middle of his trailer, when he just wanted to make a sale. Then, he fled from said trailer and ended up at the drug dealer Reefer Rick’s boathouse, in fear of what just happened.

Then, for the sour cherry on top of the already shit pie, he found out the authorities were trying to pin this on him. The crime (if a girl having her bones snapped and eyeballs yanked into her skull by some unseen entity could even be called that) took place in the home of the ‘freak’, that was all they’d need to have suspicions.

Not just that, but they were looking for you as well. They probably thought it made sense, you and Eddie were attached at the hip, the ‘anti-it’ couple of the school/town. The police had their suspicions that you knew something about Chrissy’s death-or worse, even played a part in it.

And just like that, hiding out in Rick’s boathouse became all the more justified.

You didn’t even want to get into Dustin, Robin, Steve and Max giving you the knowledge that Hawkins had been home to, apparently, many supernatural events, and they’d been at the center of them. What happened to Chrissy was just another one of those events. Trippy as it was, the group seemed like they were being 100% candid and knew what they were talking about. The people of Hawkins had really begun to feel like their town was cursed, and, truthfully, you had been nursing an unsettled feeling in your stomach for the past couple of years, because you knew something in this town had started to become off.

Maybe the devil had come to America. But it wasn’t D&D, and it sure as hell wasn’t your boyfriend.

That morning, you found he had broken into Rick’s home, unspotted, hopefully. This area was pretty secluded, but still, you didn’t want to take any chances. The house was by a huge lake where anyone could’ve looked across.

You snuck in yourself, and were greeted with the sound of drawers opening and closing, utensils crashing against each other, and cupboards creaking. You entered the kitchen to find Eddie searching through the pantries.

“Hey, babe,” you greeted, gaining his attention. He jumped just a little before he turned around and saw it was you. He smiled, though you could tell it was strained.

“Hey,” he greeted. 

“What are you doing?” you asked.

“We’re out of food, so I came to see if ‘Ol Ricky has anything of sustenance,” he sighed, looking around the dormant kitchen. His normally bright and doe-y eyes were now tired and frantic. He was right though, the initial food supply the gang brought you at first was completely devoured by the two of you. Well, mostly Eddie. Stress eating was a hell of a thing, he’d said to you. 

“Okay,” you nodded. “Hope no one saw you come in here,”

“Doubt it,” he said dismissively. He opened another cupboard and came across a can of SpaghettiOs. He took it out and inspected it briefly, before breathing out “Yep, you’ll do,”

“You sure that’s not expired?” you wondered, jutting your chin towards the can in his grasp.

“It's not like we have much of a choice right now, sweetheart,” he said, and there was a noticeable bite in his voice. He began searching the drawer again, most likely looking for a can opener.

Your eyebrows twitched up a bit. Eddie had never used that tone with you, but you realized that, given the circumstances, you understood. The police were on the hunt for him. He was a wanted man, hiding out in the home of a jailed man. Canned foods that may or may not have gone bad wasn’t something you could afford to worry about, right now. It's not like he could run to the store on his own.

You took a step towards him. “Hey, Ed, I’m sorry-”

“It's okay,” he replied shortly.

You watched him as he found the opener. He placed the can down and was about to open it, when you saw him pause. He audibly inhaled and exhaled a few times, stiff shoulders rising and falling, trying to calm himself down. 

But if he managed to, it didn’t last long. It was like he was a ticking bomb, with 10 seconds left on the countdown from when you entered the kitchen.

It was then you were startled by the tool harshly dropping against the counter. Eddie hunched over, and gripped the edge of the counter so tight his knuckles began to go white, peeking out under his chunky rings. 

“Ed,” you breathed, and came up behind him to grasp his biceps in your small hands to get his attention.

“God, I just-” he began, and you cut him off.

“Ed, shhh, it’s okay,” you said, pressing your cheek to his shoulder.

“Its fucking ridiculous, is what it is,” he hissed, but remained in your grip. “Just because a person has an interest that doesn’t align with the majority, just because they play a fucking fantasy game that everyone suddenly decided to have an issue with. Just because a person looks…different,  it means we’re….I’m….capable of something so…,” he trailed off, not even finding the words to describe it. He just sighed. You listened to him vent, knowing he needed it. When Eddie felt something, he felt it hard. He needed the time to get his thoughts out. 

“We got lucky with Dustin and the others, they’ve seen shit like this before. They know what this really is. Can’t say the same for those glorified security guards. Or the rest of the town,” he groaned. “Its like Robin said, once my name goes public, everyone’s gonna be gunning for me,” he shook his head, his voice becoming weaker as he said, “And now you’re dragged into this mess too,” 

“Hey,” you said sternly, and used all your strength to peel him from the counter to turn him around. You reached up and held his face in your hands, feeling his stubble scratch at them lightly. “I’d be here with you even if Hawkins PD wasn’t looking for me,” you assured him, voice leaving no room for protest. “I’d never, ever let you go through something like this alone, Ed,” you promised, brushing your thumbs against the bags under his eyes.

He just looked at you with no words, lips trembling a little. You did nothing but let him be, wrapping your arms around his shoulders, feeling him nuzzle his head into your neck.

You placed a few kisses on his shoulder, hoping to soothe him. You wanted to say more, wanted to assure him, but of what? The reality of the matter was, Hawkins was paranoid and was looking for someone to blame for Chrissy’s demise. Obviously someone, or something, was responsible, and they seemed to have their minds made up on the culprit. You couldn’t predict the future, as much as you wanted to be right about things being okay. 

“I’m sorry for snapping,” he said into your neck.

“It's alright,” you assured him, you had long forgotten about it.

After holding onto him for a few minutes, you heard his stomach begin to grumble a bit, and you were beginning to feel a little hungry yourself. “Ed,” you mumbled, and he straightened up, looking down at you. You brought a hand up to brush some hair from his face, placing a kiss on his cheek. “Why don’t you go relax for a bit, I’ll make the SpaghettiOs for us,” you suggested, lightly scratching his scalp.

“Yeah,” he mumbled, nodding. “Sounds good,”  he brought his hands to your cheeks for a moment, simply looking at you with an expression you couldn’t read. He pulled away and said “I’m gonna try to get a hold of Dustin, see if he can get us some more food,” he released you and walked off, but not before looking at you over his shoulder. “Food that isn’t a day away from expiring,” he smirked.

You giggled and shook your head, there was your sarcastic boy. 

You heard him speaking into the walkie talkie, calling out to Dustin and referring to himself as “Eddie the Banished”. His voice faded as he got further from the kitchen.

You got the can opened, and lit a pot on the stove. You poured the contents into it and began to stir it up with a wooden spoon you had found. It looked appetizing enough, and as the smell began to enter the air, you realized it wasn’t too bad.

You enjoyed cooking, so this brought you at least a little bit of ease even if you were just stirring a pot. Having grown up with a mother who worked late nights and sometimes wouldn’t come home until the early hours of the morning, you learned to hold your own in the kitchen, eventually becoming quite comfortable in it. Now, at 18, your paycheck from your job at Kinney Shoes was able to get you ingredients for simple dishes, that you either made at home or in Eddie’s trailer. He loved being your taste-tester, and you knew for a fact that he had no proper meal plans if you didn’t show up.

You heard him take a seat at the small table that was just off the kitchen, the chair scraping on the ground. “Wheeler picked up, then promptly hung up on me,” he reported, “So this will have to hold us over til…,” he trailed off and shook his head.

“ ‘til Boccob knows when,” you said nonchalantly, bringing the spoon up to taste the sauce from the SpaghettiOs. 

Eddie’s gasp made your head snap towards him. He stood up, jaw hanging. “Do my ears deceive me?” he asked in that deep, theatrical voice, the same one he used to read that bullshit Newsweek article. He swiftly came up behind you and wrapped his arms around your waist in a snug hold. Amidst your confusion, his action made you giggle and almost drop the spoon. “Did my girl just make an accurate D&D reference?” he asked in disbelief, and you angled your body a bit to face him.

“I mean, it's not like I never paid attention during the many D&D games I’ve sat in on,” you said, smiling, and relishing in the affection he was giving you,. You and Eddie had been going strong for a little over a year now, and in that time, you had attended quite a few Hellfire Club meetings. It shouldn’t have been too much of a shock that you had some basic knowledge of the characters-or, more specifically, Boccob, the God of Forecasting. Although, you were happy you had unintentionally given him an instant mood boost.

“True,” he admitted. He nuzzled his face into your cheek, placing featherlight kisses there. “Nice one, baby,” he whispered, and you were thankful he held your body up, because you were sure your legs would give out from underneath you. That deep voice of his coming out in a whisper was damn near sinful.

“Thanks,” you said proudly, placing a quick kiss on his lips and pulling away before it could deepen, causing him to pout a little. It was hilarious whenever he did that, seeing your rather intimidating looking boyfriend, with his tattoos and black jeans and unruly hair, sticking out his lower lip like a little boy. You snickered at him and wriggled out of his grasp to turn the stove off, the meal all heated up. Deciding not to dirty more dishes than necessary, you just grabbed another spoon from the drawer. “Okay, soup’s on,” you said. 

Eddie rushed ahead of you when you began to make your way to the table and pulled the other chair out for you. You gave him a small smile of gratitude and you both sat down and dug into your processed meal. It was decent enough, and Eddie seemed like he was satisfied. You occasionally gave him a few bites from your spoon, just to make him smile-for some reason he loved when you fed him.

After a while of comfortable silence, he spoke up through a mouthful. “You know, I love doing this with you,”

You quirked a brow. “Eating canned food while hiding from the police?” you snarked.

“No,” he said, failing miserably at keeping a straight face, you just knew he wanted to smile, because you knew he loved your sass. “I meant, eating with you after you cook for us,” he clarified.

You couldn’t stop the flustered feeling that grew at his words. “Ohh,” you mused, and held up another spoonful for him, and he took it. “I love it too baby,” you said sincerely, smiling softly. 

“Seriously, though,” he said after swallowing. “I love it so much I’m willing to throw my very strong opinion that the marriage industry is a scam-powered by social conformity and money hungry businesses-clean out the fucking window if it means I get moments like this,” he gestured to your little set up, the two of you and your pot of SpaghettiOs, “For the rest of my life,”

It was your jaw’s turn to drop. “Do my ears deceive me?” you asked, imitating his words and tone from earlier. “Did my guy just say he’d…conform for me?” you asked, placing a hand on your chest with a purely exaggerated look of shock on your face.

“Hey, fuck it, call me a conformist,” he said, shrugging lightly and lounging back in his seat. Then, he gazed upon you with a look so full of love and sincerity. “But only for you,” he finished, eyes not wavering for a minute, and you knew he wasn’t bullshitting you. 

You and Eddie had never spoken about marriage. You were in High School, for fuck’s sake. And, both of you weren’t exactly big fans of the concept. You just heard Eddie reiterate his own beliefs, and as for you, after watching your parents’ marriage crumble right before your eyes as a little kid, you’d grown up with the opinion that the entire thing was bullshit.

But still, sometimes, you saw the little things Eddie did, and the endearing feeling in your heart would grow, and you would think, “I wanna see that for the rest of my life”. It was the way he would fold his lips in when he focused on something. The little dance he would do when he was excited or fired up. The blush he’d get on his cheeks that he would never admit to when he saw you in the hallway at school. Then there were the bigger things, namely how passionate he would get about the stuff he felt strongly about. It made you think about how badly you wanted to hear this drama king’s speeches about any and everything, again, for the rest of your life. And just wake up next to him, for the rest of your life. It would be quite a while before you were ready for that, but you knew who you wanted it with.

Holy shit, you were so far gone for this long haired bastard.

Wordlessly, you dropped your spoon and climbed into his lap, draping one arm around his neck and placing a delicate palm on his cheek, feeling that stubble again. His large hands gripped your waist as he looked up at you expectantly. You pressed your lips to his without any hesitation. His grip on your waist tightened, if possible, as the kiss deepened, your mouths moving against one another passionately. You poured every emotion you felt into it-love, longing, anxiousness. Even frustration, because this moment should have been happening over some beef stroganoff in your kitchen or in his trailer, not over SpaghettiOs in the halfway dining room of some incarcerated drug dealer. You wished Hawkins PD could see this Eddie, the soft Eddie no one else knew, and realize he would never commit such a gruesome and humanly impossible act.

You broke the kiss, your forehead finding purchase against his as you both panted heavily. You placed your other hand on his cheek, savoring his breath against your lips. It was then you felt it-that growing, tingling heat between your legs

You had been too worried before to even think about sex. But after that moment you shared and that kiss, your heart filled with longing for him, and the distraction laying with him would bring, for the two of you.

And, it was like Eddie read your mind, as he hoisted you up into his arms and carried you over to the couch, ready to satisfy your unspoken needs.

Maybe there would be chaos when he was eventually found. Maybe you wouldn’t be able to prove his innocence. But at that moment, feeling him against you blocked those thoughts from your mind-and you allowed it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The ending feels rushed but I’ve never been good with them anyway😅 hope y’all liked this one, it was a labor of love. I’m gonna go take a nap now 😴

[cinna-wanroll]

Obi-Wan’s Unusual Behaviors Towards Satine Kryze

Ft. 2am character analysis notes

 Obi-Wan Kenobi is hardly a people-pleaser. In fact, it is speculated in Wild Space that he may never have told a single flattering lie in his entire life. Prime examples of this trait would be in the TCW movie, where he has tea and friendly banter with the enemy general- he even winks at his opponent. He unashamedly flirts with Sith assassin Asajj Ventress multiple times throughout the series- even in front of others. He lets himself lose terribly in a fight during the Kadavo arc to buy Anakin and Ahsoka time, and constantly makes snarky/sarcastic commentary. He can be rather blunt, and isn’t afraid to contradict other people’s ideas, views, or tactics. He does this with Anakin throughout the series, with Count Dooku in the Dooku Captured arc, and even with Captain Tarkin in the Citadel arc. All in all, Obi-Wan is a confident man who doesn’t let the judgments of others affect the way he operates. 

That is, until mid-season two. 

Why, Cinna? You ask, voice full of curiosity. You have no idea where this is going. You’re on the edge of your seat, waiting for me to tell you. Are you ready? Do you wanna know? I’ll give you one hint- I never shut up about her.

Yes ladies and gentleman, I’m talking about Satine Kryze. 

You gasp, shocked. 

When she shows up, Obi-Wan suddenly displays multiple uncharacteristic habits. He constantly touches her, constantly checks to be sure she’s safe- which shows doubts in his own abilities as a protector, and he even seeks affirmations of friendship from her. 

He isn’t afraid to look into her eyes, but is shy at some moments, which we almost never see from him in any situation, ever, unless he’s being touched. See: the moment he’s being hugged by a Talz. 

Examples of his shyness around Satine would be the way he looks down after she teases him about falling and dropping her, or when she comments about his beard ‘hiding too much of his handsome face.’ He doesn’t instantly make a snarky or light-hearted comment back to her gentle teasing here like he normally would, instead he asks her seriously why she doesn’t like it. 

“Why? What’s wrong with it?”

Although I would like to note he never truly looses his Obi-Wan characteristics here- he doesn’t shave after she makes the comment, but his questions show that he cares not just about what she thinks of him as a person, but physically as well. 

This adds a softer, sweeter side to the Jedi Master/ my husband, and is an indicator of a difference to all of his other relationships. Upon further analyzation, I have broken Obi-Wan’s stages of relationships into six stages of companionship.

Stage 1- Puts up walls, distant, stiff, snarky/witty, deflective, non-emotional, sometimes chiding. An example of someone in this category might be Sugi, from the Trouble on Felucia arc. (although I mean there is some sexual tension there, its probably because shes also played by Anna Graves who plays Satine, but-)

Stage 2- Friendly, cheerful, lets his guard down a little. Dex would probably fall under this section.

Stage 3- Still a little distant but will show he cares about you in some ways. Will defend you. This is probably where all his work friends go- Yoda, Mace, etc.

Stage 4- Listens to you, checks on you, jokes with you, will give you advice. Ahsoka is a good example of someone in this category. 

Stage 5- Basically Anakin. Will confess his flaws and internal struggles.

Stage 6- Satine Kryze. Cares about what you think. Probably thinks about making out with you a lot.

Now there is another important component of their relationship to discuss- their PDONAs, or public displays of non-affection. 

The over-the-top argument on The Coronet in front of the senators is a perfect example of this. While Obitine may butt heads on occasion alone, their squabbles are usually tedious and are centered around one thing: tension.

Whether it’s the tension of a dangerous situation, physical attraction, or things left unsaid, they take every opportunity to deny their tensions to both one other and themselves. This of course is aided by their intellectual and stubborn personalities, however their private disagreements are a lot more about their concern for one another than they are grandiose like the aforementioned Coronet argument. A good example of this is when Obi-Wan responds to Satine’s comment on him hurting people by fretting:

“You don’t seem troubled that I could’ve been killed back there.”

Obi-Wan could have said so many different things to counter what Satine said, like ‘Would you have preferred I stood by while they ground me/you to bits?’ But no, instead he very directly asks the question, ‘don’t you care about me?’

This is the heart of their personal arguments. However in public, not only are they trying to convince themselves they aren’t in love- they also have an audience. And since they are both stubborn, passionate, and very extra, things explode. 

Obi-Wan isn’t really disputing Satine’s beliefs- he’s known about her political views since they were young. So the argument they’re having only makes sense to me as a young Obitine argument. No, he’s convincing those around him that he could never be with her because they have different interests. 

Satine doesn’t think Obi-Wan is war-hungry, she knows that he’s almost as dedicated to peace as she is, and she’s intelligent enough to understand he just has a different opinion on how peace is achieved in the first place. So when she is accusing him of such things, she is attempting to erase their history and understanding so that their audience won’t know what is going on between them or what went on between them. 

In that episode (Voyage of Temptation) the inner turmoil felt by both Obi-Wan and Satine is palpable, and driven by the rekindled emotions which were never properly burnt out- only unhealthily buried by two emotionally constipated and overly-responsible young people. 

Their desires are coming to the surface after all these years of repression faster than either of them knows how to deal with. So, they attempt old methods of burying their emotions from when they were apart- i.e. convincing themselves they are too different, they have different goals, one of them is incompetent, etc. Except no it’s not just themselves they are dealing with, and the truth is in front of their faces so it’s harder to deny their chemistry and compatibility. 

This eventually dissolves into Obi-Wan becoming more physical with Satine, constantly needing to be around her and not being able to get her out of his mind. 

He is seen watching her defend her world when he’s admitted to disliking politics and has different views. He attempts to comfort her afterwards, even running to catch up with her and grabbing her arm, then later attempting to grab her hand. He seeks her out after she’s been avoiding him to make sure she’s okay and when she says she “didn’t want to worry him,” he replies, “on that count, I’m afraid you failed spectacularly.” 

He doesn’t say, ‘Well, I was,’ or even ‘on that count, you failed.’ 

No, he adds spectacularly, which shows that most likely all he’s been doing is worrying about her. He grabs her by the shoulders and leans his face in way too unnecessarily close just to talk with her.  

He’s shown gazing out the window worriedly while Satine is on the run. He stares at her (which is technically putting her in more danger the longer he waits!) just to watch her and how good she looks in her disguise. He even smiles like a fool at her. He only comes to his senses when police pass by. He sits with his hands close to hers and then when he’s about to enter the senate building he looks back to make sure she’s okay. 

They both touch each other like crazy in every episode, and as I mentioned before, Obi-Wan has expressed how uncomfortable he is with physicality, which shows how comfortable and trusting he is around and of Satine. 

In conclusion: Obi-Wan is soft for Satine.

[neon-junkie]

Duality - Chpt.4

Summary: There’s a handful of things you hate, like the men who continue to pester you at the Saloon after you’ve told them no, or the way strangers look at you when you decide to wear pants. But the one thing you hate that most is Micah Bell. But if you hate him so much, then why are you allowing him to wrap his hand around your neck as he grinds his crotch down against yours? Is he using you? or are you using him?

Pairing: Micah Bell x f!Reader

Word Count: lots idk its multi-chapter

Rating: NSFW

[First chapter] [next chapter not posted yet]

It's funny how Micah somehow guessed the perfect size for your new lingerie. Maybe he's held you one too many times, making a mental note of how each part of your body feels in his hands. You can picture that vividly, Micah explaining to the tailor that your breast size is "this big," as he holds his hands out in a cupping motion. You pray he hasn't actually done that, but this is Micah Bell, after all. You pull on the laces of your new corset, fastening yourself up, and then shrug a pretty yet simple dress on. Today seems pleasant, well, it looked pleasant when you peered through your tent flaps this morning, groggy and half-asleep. There's nothing wrong with being a little vain, and you enjoy putting extra effort into your appearance today, fitting in your new lingerie like a glove, and dolling yourself up to... do chores... At least you're doing your chores in style!

The effort in your appearance hasn't gone unnoticed, as many camp members throw compliments your way, along with curious pairs of eyes that trail over your figure for a few moments too long, not that you mind. The camp women are particularly kind, not that they aren't to begin with, fussing and gushing over how pretty you look. Maybe this is what you needed? a day to doll yourself up and soak up all the compliments you receive? and maybe you'll do it more often, seeing as you're feeling rather wonderful today. But all good things must come to an end... you find yourself at Pearson's wagon, chopping vegetables for tonight's supper, sliding another batch off your chopping board straight into the stew pot. It's a boring job, but it beats scrubbing laundry for hours on end, constantly feeling defeated as everybody's clothes are so stained that it's impossible to get them clean. As always, you're minding your own business, your head dipped down, focusing on the task at hand. Of course, you don't notice your partner approaching, but your ears perk up as he lets out a long whistle. "My, oh my," Micah comments. "I didn't realize it was my birthday, but I appreciate you dressin' up for such a special occasion," Micah flirts as he trails over, leaning his weight against the table. He's eyeing you up and down like a piece of meat, and you notice the way he licks his lips. "Mister Bell," you monotonously greet him, "bold of you to assume I dress for anybody but myself," you jab back. Micah lets out a long and irritating laugh, drawn out for longer than necessary. He peers over his shoulder, checking to see if anybody is nearby, before scooting a little closer to speak directly to you. "Guess you are dressin' for me when you're wearin' the lingerie I brought you," he grins. You double-check your surroundings, and once you're happy with how empty the coast is, you lean across the table, speaking under your breath. "It's a replacement, considering you ruined my last set," you remind him, shaking your head as you speak. Yet again, Micah chuckles. "And I'll ruin this set too," he smirks, and you unfortunately know that's a promise. "And then you'll have to buy another replacement," you tut. "That's fine by me. I ain't short on cash, sweetheart. I'll buy and ruin as many as I like." "I ain't your sweetheart, I told you that last night," you grumble under your breath. You straighten your back, and speak slightly above your normal tone of voice, "now if you'll excuse me, Mister Bell, I'm quite busy here," you brush him off, returning to chopping vegetables. "Oh, I do apologise for taking up your precious time, darlin'," Micah sarcastically replies, raising his hands innocently as he moves his weight off the table. "I'll leave you to it," he says with a soft laugh, then turns heel and wanders back through camp, probably debating which victim to pester next. Your brows furrow as you watch him leave, grumbling to yourself. He knows damn well that neither of you are meant to bring your business into camp, and he especially knows that you're not meant to openly talk about it. Somebody could be lurking nearby, somebody could be on the other side of the wagon, accidentally stumbling upon this juicy piece of information. The camp loves gossip, and something like that would spread like a wildfire. You hate how vividly you can picture it, the faces of everybody scowling your way as they find out that you're sleeping with a pest that you claim to hate. You've had one too many fights with Micah, both inside and outside of camp; imagine how hypocritical people would find you if they suddenly found out that you enjoy his company when nobody else is around. Honestly, what else did you expect? Micah rarely ever keeps his word, and you're surprised that he did when he said he'd buy you replacement lingerie. Oh well, that conversation is done now, and you'll have to keep on your toes around camp, just in case Micah decides to try and pull something stupid on you.

  By the time evening rolls around, your body is exhausted. You've fastened your corset a little too tight this morning, although at the time it felt comfortable. After slipping into something loose and cosy, you start your final chore for today - guard duty. Lenny makes a passing comment about how tonight is quiet and boring, as always, and wishes you luck as he hands you the rifle.

Lenny was right, this is boring. You're currently leaning against a tree on the outskirts of camp, the rifle gripped loosely in your hands; you can feel yourself nodding off, your head dipping and your eyes falling shut. Unlike others, you try to take your jobs seriously, so you push your weight off the tree, doing another lap of the camp in an attempt to wake yourself up.

As you pass by a lantern, you take out your pocket watch, checking how long you have left before you can finally crawl into bed. It's 2am, one hour to go. You make your way down one of the paths leading into camp, eventually dipping off into the trees once you meet the entrance; you never normally trail this far from camp, but why not shake things up a bit?

"Fancy meetin' you out here," Micah comments out of nowhere, making you jump out of your skin, almost dropping your rifle.

"Shit, Micah!" you snap at him, "why you gotta scare me like that?"

"Ain't you on guard duty? you ain't doin' a very good job," he snickers, leaning his weight against a nearby tree, his hands resting on the waistband of his pants. Usually, Micah would rest his hands on his gun belt, but he's stripped of most clothing tonight, wandering around in his simple pants, shirt, and hat.

"I must be more tired than I thought, I'm surprised I didn't notice a buffoon approaching me," you jab back, rolling your eyes at his comment. No doubt, Micah has been stalking you for some time, waiting for the right moment to give you a sudden wakeup call.

"Oh, doll, you poor thing. You want me to go and warm your bed up for you?" Micah taunts, making you grip your rifle tighter. He lets out a chuckle, noticing how angry you look, even through the darkness of the trees.

"What is it with you?" you snap. "Did you really come out here just to pester me?!"

"Mhm," Micah agrees with a nod. He shifts his weight off the tree, taking a few steps over to you, bridging the gap. Before you can swat him away, his hand is pulling at your neckline, peering down your blouse. "Why ain't you wearing the lingerie that I brought you?" he asks, pouting dramatically.

"Off," you command, slapping his hand away. Micah begins to laugh, and without thinking, you slap him across the face, cutting his laughter short.

"Oooh," Micah sighs, giving his cheek a rub. "Not very friendly tonight, are we?"

"I ain't very friendly to anybody who puts their dirty paws on me," you grunt, and turn heel, attempting to walk away. Micah reaches out to take a hold of your wrist, his grip tightening when you try to shake him off. "Doll, I only came out here to let off some steam with you."

"You really think I'm gonna fuck you after that?"

"Yep."

You let out a long, defeated sigh. There are two options presented to you: you can either turn down Micah and let the next hour slowly trail by, bored with nothing to do, or you can enjoy his unwelcomed company, tiring yourself out before bed.

"Alright, but let's make this quick," you agree, pulling your wrist free from Micah's grasp.

There's an awkward pause, both of you staring at each other, as if you've both suddenly forgotten how to initiate sex. Micah then waves his hands about, and orders you to bend over against a nearby tree. "We ain't supposed to do this in camp, that was part of the agreement," you comment.

"This ain't in camp, it's in a forest, sweetheart," Micah corrects you. Well, he's not exactly wrong...

You roll your eyes and let out a huff, but prop your rifle up against a tree. Your skirts are bunched up to your hips, reaching beneath them to pull your undergarments down, letting them settle around your thighs; you then turn to question why Micah is stood there awkwardly.

"I was just enjoying the show," Micah replies with a shrug. He begins unfastening his pants as he approaches, palming at his cock with one hand, whilst the other dips between your legs to slide a finger over your slit.

Micah slides his fingers over you a few times, before slipping a digit in, slowly working his finger in and out. His head dips down to catch your lips, lightly kissing you, enjoying the soft whimpers you make against his lips. He doesn't bother sliding another finger in, and moves his hand away to nudge you against the tree.

Your hands rest on the trunk, and you peer over your shoulder to watch as Micah holds your skirt up around your hips, his other hand slicking his cock against your folds. He's clearly in a rush as he doesn't bother teasing you for long, instead, slipping his cock in and slowly sheathing himself inside you.

Micah mutters something under his breath as he grips onto your hips, and pulls you back onto his cock, pushing himself as deep as he can go. He holds himself there as he lets out a long, deep groan, followed by starting his thrusts, jumping straight into a quick pace. You feel something tap against your foot, peering down to see Micah tapping at you; you know what he wants, so you spread your legs wider, arching your back, gripping onto the tree trunk for support.

This needs to be quick. You dip your hand down between your legs, rubbing at your clit, building your orgasm with Micah's help. He's quieter than usual, the sound of skin against skin filling the air, and hopefully not echoing all the way back to camp.

A hand weaves its way around your waist, and Micah pulls you upright, your back pressed to his chest. He speaks in a deep, husk voice, almost growling into your ear. "I am a little disappointed that you ain't wearing my fancy lingerie, means I'll have to wait to cut it off you," he comments, still attempting to thrust into you, despite the awkward position.

"You ain't even got your knife on you," you say with a laugh. Your laughter is cut short as Micah moves his hand to your neck, gripping oh-so-perfectly, just how you like it.

"I'd use my bare hands, but I can be patient, I'll wait," he says with a soft shrug.

Micah manages to make do, bucking up into you, your hand still rubbing your clit. His thumb removes itself from your neck, only to be replaced with his lips, sucking and kissing your skin so hard that you know it's going to leave marks. You mutter his name, and Micah pleasantly hums as a reply. "Come on, sweetheart," he urges, picking up the pace, and chuckling at his pun.

Your back may be hurting, but you roll your head against Micah's shoulder, moaning away. Only your moans are cut short as you suddenly orgasm, tightening around Micah's length. He quickly removes himself from you, almost shoving you out of the way as he pulls out, spilling himself over the forest floor. "Hell," Micah mutters under his breath, finishing up, and then tucking himself away.

"Pretty," Micah comments as he lightly slaps your ass, just as you're pulling your undergarments back up.

"I know," you smugly reply, and Micah giggles at your comment. He reaches in his back pocket, fishing out a packet of cigarettes, and offers you one. Rather than using one of his matches, you light yours on the end of Micah's, blowing smoke in his face on your first exhale.

"Petty," Micah grumbles, "c'mon, I'm sure your shift has finished by now."

"You can walk ahead, Micah. I ain't risking being seen wandering into camp with you."

"Alright, suit yourself," he shrugs, turning heel and heading back to camp.

You watch him go, wandering off into the darkness, disappearing into the trees, the light from his cigarette eventually fading black. It's too dark out here to check your pocket watch, but after a handful of minutes, you finish off your smoke, and assume it's time to wake the next person up for guard duty.

The walk back to camp is quiet, as always, and for some reason, you're looking out for Micah as you enter camp. He's nowhere to be seen, probably wandered off down the shoreline, and you can't help but scold yourself for being so curious as to his whereabouts.

You shake your head, trailing over to your tent after passing the rifle over to the next camp member on watch, and soon fall asleep, despite the stinging sensation on your neck. 

[cottoncandyjester]

Your blog is an absolute delight to browse through <33333

I adore your OCs. They all have their individual quirks and seeing you write them is a treat.

If you are accepting requests, I was wondering if you could do some reverse comfort for your OCs? Where they're not having a good day and their s/o comforts them.

I love yandere content but I am still a sucker for that good wholesome stuff :).

I absolutely love this

Also Was unsure if I should add salem in this cause a lot of people sent hate about him since i Introduced him cause he's disgusting but i did add him cause I love him and he needs love and support

Story contains: some angst, talk of self harm, fluffy fluff, soft boys

Theodore

You've never seen theo angry ever since you two got together but today he seemed to be stressed out, he was studying for a test and from the sounds of it he was going crazy. You walked towards the room only to hear a loud crash which made you jump and you rushed in

Theo had thrown his glasses across the room now sitting in the chair with his head in his hands a shaky sigh escaping him.

"im never going to get it, damn it.."

You looked at the papers scattered about and it looked like some intense stuff, you walked towards theo and hugged him from behind.

"take a break.."

Theo chuckled lightly before he leaned back looking in your eyes, it was clear he hasn't slept in a while.

"you know i can't do that angel, you get to bed though it's late"

You moved onto theo's lap which he allowed, he shivered lightly at the stern look in your eyes since he never seen you look this serious. He tried to settle your worries by giving you soft kisses on your neck but it seems you weren't easy to sway.

"theodore, I want you to get into bed with me and sleep right now."

The male sighed and looked at the clock on the study desk seeing it was about 2am, he did want sleep but he was far too worried about not passing to even think about it.

"sweetie, I have to study. How will I be a good husband if I don't finish college?"

"who says you arent already a good husband?"

Your words shocked him and he stared at you with a confused look before you lovingly wrap your arms around his neck and planting a soft kiss onto his lips.

"you're perfect theo, you don't have to constantly prove it okay? Don't ever doubt that."

Theodore was silent after that and he buried his face in your neck with a low hum, he truly didn't deserve you.

"you think I'm perfect?"

"of course I do, I love you so come and get some rest"

Theo decided to give in and lay down with you and for some reason when he did all those worries drifted away.

Hikaru

Hikaru didnt have time feeling sad, he was a model not to mention a public figure. He never lets you see that side of him unless it's to lash out at you but he onky does that in anger. Today was different, he was quiet today which Definitely wasn't like him

"hey, [y/n]?"

You looked up from your phone to look at the male who just got out the shower his hair still damp and he only wore sweatpants

"what's wrong? Want me to dry your hair again? You should put on a shirt before you get sick"

Hikaru said nothing and simply walked towards you and hugged you close making you both fall back on the bed, the shocked you and you started to pat hikaru on the back trying to get him off.

"h-hey! Are you okay? Are you sick?! Hikaru?!"

"I'm..sorry I'm really sorry, [y/n] dont leave cause I'm really sorry"

He was making zero sense and it only concerned you more but you heard sniffling which made you now freaked out so you softly pulled him back seeing tears rolling down his face.

"hey, why are you crying? What's wrong hikaru?"

The male sat up now sittinf on his knees and he kept his head down letting his hair cover his face as he tried to stop crying.

"I know you dont really love me, I'm mean and cold and awful. You want to leave don't you? But- but I don't want you to go! Im sorry I don't know how to love you i just don't know!"

Hikaru sounded an absolute mess and you didn't know where this was coming from but he simply out the male close into a hug letting him nuzzle his face into your chest as you played with his slightly damp hair.

"yeah, you are mean and cold..but I love you. You can be so sweet and really fun to be with, hikaru Im not going to leave no matter what"

"r-really? No matter what?"

"of course! After all without you my sense of style would be a mess!"

You heard a muffled chuckle escaping him as he hugged you tightly now resting his head on your chest

"you're an idiot."

With a cocky grin you poked his cheek earning a hushed whine of discomfort from you which you found adorable

"but I'm your idiot, so you're stuck with me!"

Axis

Axis is the type where he will tell you when he's sad, he's a crybaby so he will absolutely let you know when he needs comfort. So when the male popped up while you were thinking about what to do for dinner you figured he was feeling down

"what's wrong ax?"

"artblock..I have to come up with a new piece but i have nothing"

You gave a small hum before stopping and turned around wrapping your arms around him.

"well, how about we go on a date tonight we can go out to eat and do a bunch of fun stuff.."

"like fireworks?!"

You sighed loudly at your boyfriend's obsession with fireworks and decided to please him and his wishes

"we can get sparklers and small stuff okay?"

Axis smiled brightly and kissed your cheek over and over.

"date night date night!"

He started chanting like a child and you couldn't help but laugh at his antics but you were glad he wasn't sad anymore.

Prince

Prince hides his insecurities very well with flirting and smooth words, he likes you to think that he's all okay. you noticed he was far more clumsy today with things, it went from simply dropping things to full on tripping and falling.

Prince winced as he tripped and fell ontop of you earning an annoyed huff from you as you glared up at him for of his weird behavior that he brushes aside like its nothing

"prince what the hell is going on? You're being weird today"

Prince looked down at you before letting out a loud groan before nuzzling his face into your neck feeling quite embarrassed

"I'm scared..of our future"

"why would that scare you?"

Prince picked his head up and had a slight pout before he glanced away being unsure of how to put his words together.

"you're my first real serious relationship..what if I screw up?"

"oh princey.."

Your soft cooing made him even more embarrassed and he groaned while laying his face in your chest.

"you're amazing and great and I'm just..me!"

You simply messed with his hair finding his remark to be pretty dumb but you excused it cause he looked far too cute when pouty.

"prince, I love you forever and ever you aren't going to screw it up"

After a few minutes of silence he popped up and hopped to his feet with newfound energy

"you're right! I mean I'm pretty great! I bet you wanna marry me cause I'm so handsome!"

Well he was definitely back to normal

Yuki

It honestly took you weeks to figure out yuki was upset cause he is the master of hiding his emotions. He never shows many emotions besides a smile when around you or a glare when around strangers.

of course he doesn't talk about his feelings at all either so you are blissfully unaware of how he feels, until he slipped up and finally broke.

You had come home from shopping when you noticed how quiet the house was which was normal but it had an eerie feeling to it.

"is he taking a nap? Hmm.."

You went to the room and opened the door to see yuki curled up in the bed, the light were off and he was pretty quiet so you assumed he was sleeping but as you started to get ready for a shower when a muffled sniffle made you turn back to yuki and you walked to him before softly moving the blankets only to get a slight sight of tears before he buried himself deeper into the pillow to hide.

"y-yuki?"

"go."

You sat on the bed now fully invested in helping him but you had a feeling you knew what was wrong, you softly rubbed his back seeing that he was sweaty and slightly shaking.

"you have a nightmare?"

There was silence before he nodded and you simply laid next to him facing his back and softly touching his back your gentle touch being enough to cheer him up.

When he turned to face you his eyes were puffy yet had bags under them, his hair was a mess and he was breathing harshly from fear.

"wanna talk about i-"

"no."

You gave a sigh and simply cuddled against him and closed your eyes, his body stiffened but quickly relaxed before he held you close and closed his eyes

"just rest then. I'm here now okay?"

"mhm.."

Yuki smiled as he buried his face in your hair taking in your scent and feeling his body settle against yours. He didn't need words of comfort or huge signs of affection this was all he needed..you being here helped him far more than any words can.

Salem

When salem breaks down it's heartbreaking and intense, he gets into these PTSD triggered panic attacks to the point where he just loses it.

You had left the house and left him alone, it was only for a few hours but when you came back the bedroom was trashed and salem was freaking out curled up in the corner.

"b-bad boy, very bad super bad..I've been so bad I'm so sorry sorry sorry sorry"

"salem!"

You rushed to him and sat on your knees infront of him seeing fresh bruises and marks on his face, he probably hurt himself again.

"salem, baby look at me"

"b-bad boy..bad boys deserve death"

He was definitely not listening and you totally needed to snap him out of it so you did the one thing you could think of...you slapped him.

It wasn't too hard but he definitely looked up at you in shock now focused on what you had to say.

"you're not in that dark place anymore salem, you're here with me and no one is dying okay?"

"b-but I'm a sinner, I'm disgusting, revolting, i-"

You cut him off by selling your lips against his roughly kissing him and settling him down.

When you pulled back you gave him a stern gaze not letting him spill anymore degrading words out.

"listen to me salem. I love you and all your weird quirks! I don't care what anyone else says you're my boyfriend and I love you more than anything okay?"

"y-your lips t-taste like sugar.."

With that he leaned forward trailing his tongue over your lips with a shaky laugh

"thank you, [y/n]"

[azucanela]

SOME WORDS ARE BETTER LEFT UNSAID

SUMMARY: In which there is an unspoken agreement between everyone not to discuss the clear chemistry between the manager and the captain of the Nekoma Volleyball Club. Until one day one of them gets tired of the silence.

WORD COUNT: 1.7K

WARNINGS: trust issues, denial, insecurities, everyone needs a hug, angst? 

A/N: please excuse any errors made i wrote this at 4AM, but hey creative juices are flowing during the oddest hours of the day so. also our king kenma makes an appearance so its worthy reading i swear

There was an unspoken agreement between the notorious manager of the Nekoma Volleyball Club, and the Captain. Though her beauty rivaled that of the Karasuno manager, no one addressed it purely because they knew the way Kuroo Tetsuro looked at her. No matter how many movies there are about unspoken feelings, none of them could compare to these two. The shared looks as they sat in class, bored. Kuroo would make sure she was eating properly, she would ensure he was staying hydrated when staying after school for Volleyball. Kuroo helped her pass any and every science class by tutoring her when necessary, she helps him pass his foreign language class. The texts, the late night calls, the times when one would ask the other to come over and they would, no questions asked. Taking care to slip out of the other’s bed at 4AM to make sure they didn’t get caught. Silent, intimate moments.

Kuroo was sitting on the couch, flicking through channels, moving between Netflix and Hulu in search of something good to watch. She was making popcorn when he got bored and left his seat on the couch to enter the kitchen, leaning his shoulder against the wall to watch her movements. She was slicing fruit, and a block of cheese waited next to the cutting board as she did, waiting for the popcorn to finish. Her hair was down, and she was wearing one of his shirts. It was oversized on her, covering her thighs. He was smiling as he moved from his spot against the wall up behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist and burying his head into her neck. She hummed in response, leaning back into him as she continued to cut the fruit.

For a moment, he could pretend that they weren’t just friends. Because this definitely is not something friends do. Friends don’t hold hands, much less hold each other, they don’t look at each other the way Kuroo looked at her, they don’t care for eachother, not like this.

“Are they dating?”

He’d get asked this question constantly. Kenma would always shake his head, tell them no, they aren’t. Though they are most certainly two of the most in love people he knows. His best friends weren’t even dating, and yet he still felt like the third wheel. How ironic. Now Kenma wasn’t one to interfere with the lives of others, but it was getting ridiculous, so he tried to get involved, once.��

He didn’t bother looking up from his game as he asked, “Why don’t you tell Kuroo how you feel?” Pausing only once to gauge Y/N’s reaction.

She didn’t seem startled, or shocked, in fact, she laughed, “I don’t like Kuroo, silly.” Y/N had told him. “He and I are just close friends, besides you know I’m not looking for a relationship.” She had mentioned this in the past, most people assumed it was because she had feelings for Kuroo. Smart people knew it was because she had feelings for Kuroo.

Kenma raised a brow, “you both act like you two are in a relationship.” Was his response, putting his game down, “and it hurts him because he knows it's not real. If you really don’t feel that way for him, don’t lead him on.”

This statement seemed to hurt her as she became defensive, “I have told him countless times to consider the offers from all the girls in this school, believe me. I agree with you, he shouldn’t wait for someone who doesn’t feel the same.” She paused, hand tapping the table anxiously, “good thing he doesn’t feel anything beyond platonic feelings for me.”

Kenma knew she wasn’t dumb, not by a long shot. Top of her class, heading off to an amazing college, no doubt. Yet, her words seemed so stupid. “You must be blind.” Came his blunt answer. Anyone could see how Kuroo felt for her.

She scoffed, “there’s simply nothing to see. He doesn’t like me, I don’t like him. Why would he like me?” Y/N was staring at her hands, trying to ignore the discomfort Kenma was causing with his prying. Her tendency to overthink doing her no good as she sighed, “I do hope he finds someone, he deserves it.”

It took Kenma a moment to realize that Y/N was trying to convince herself, not him, and it took him another moment to realize that she was truly wondering why Kuroo would like her. And he knew she was being honest, she had tried to get him to go for other girls, but he never had out of loyalty to her. She had even been in one relationship during their first year, the two were going strong for a while.

Until they weren’t. And Kuroo ended up punching the guy in the face. 

When Kenma asked Kuroo if he liked her, he just sighed. They both knew the answer. Kuroo had slept around a lot in their first year, but that had come to a halt more recently. At one point he even tried for a long term relationship with one girl.

She didn’t like Y/N. So that didn’t last.

And now that Kenma had just turned into his neighborhood, bidding you two goodbye as he headed home, just like he did everyday during the walk back from Volleyball practice, the atmosphere felt awkward. Something felt different today as Y/N and Kuroo walked down the path together, his eyes following her figure as he stayed practically glued to her side.

If she was honest, yes, she liked Kuroo. Loved him even. But there were several issues with that, one being that Kuroo is her best friend. She had found someone she could talk to, about any and everything. No filter necessary. No matter how gross, or sad, or weird it was, they could discuss it. She knew she could trust him 100%. Yet, each time he broached the possibility of a relationship she shut him down. She was scared of losing this comfort they had, they would break up eventually. Even if they didn’t things would be different. And in the back of her mind she wondered if he’d leave her. The one constant in her life, gone.

She didn’t like change.

Another issue was that they would graduate at one point. And then head off in what would likely be two very different directions, literally. She had her sights set on a prestigious American college, he just wanted to study Chemistry. Maybe they’d stay in touch, maybe they wouldn’t. Potential time differences caused by living in different countries would make it a struggle and so would conflicting schedules, and stress. And even now, he already had volleyball and school to worry about already.

It would be easier for them both if they just didn’t get together. Which is why, when she realized how comfortable they had been getting, she tried to slow things down. A lot. She started sitting next to Kenma during lunch instead of Kuroo, and began hanging out with the other Volleyball boys far more often. She had been far less physical with him, avoiding most contact with him in general. Taking a rain check each time he asked to hang out, avoiding his calls as often as she could without seeming off. She had been distant, to put it simply.

She missed her best friend, but she knew she couldn’t call him that at this point.

Kuroo had noticed. He always noticed. He noticed the way she got quiet when someone commented on how she was a little too passionate about something, so he asked her about it. He noticed how she’d forget to eat during lunch sometimes, so he would give her a protein bar. He’d notice how when she was nervous, she would bite her nails, or tap her foot at a ridiculous speed. He noticed how when she was sad, she tried to feign joy and boost the morale of those around her, but she still seemed more reserved in a way.

He noticed her. In all her glory, the smell of her shampoo, the scent of her perfume, the glow of her skin in the sunlight, the way her nose crinkled when she laughed her real laugh. How her eyes seemed to shine when she talked about her dreams, the crease in her forehead when she was concentrated. The tears that brimmed her eyes when she talked about certain scenes from her favorite shows and books.

Which is why he got scared when she stopped sharing these things with him, when she stopped giving him hugs, when she stopped calling him at 2AM even though he knew she was awake because of her messed up sleep schedule.

So, as they walked together, he decided this needed to end.

“We need to talk.” He said, eyes on her.

She raised a brow, “what about?” God, she hoped playing dumb would work, but she had tried that with Kenma, and it hadn’t ended all that well. Then again, Kenma did end up dropping the subject, though it took a few tries. 50/50 success rate. What could go wrong?

She watched as Kuroo rolled his eyes, “you know what.” He replied, “also you have been avoiding me.”

She shrugged, “I’ve been busy. I do have things to do, a life. Outside of you.” She held her backpack straps significantly tighter as she spoke, “sorry if you’re feeling neglected.” The words came out meaner than she had expected, and Y/N suddenly found herself feeling guilty as she continued down the street.

“Y/N.” He came to a stop, and she walked a few more steps before stopping as well. Taking a deep breath as she looked upwards, towards the sky. Turns out a lot could go wrong with a 50/50 success rate.

“Kuroo.” Her voice sounded a lot like a warning. “Some things are better left unsaid.”

Thought the finality in her voice hurt, he couldn’t help but scoff, “don’t be ridiculous. I mean, look where that’s gotten us-”

“Kuroo, please.” She turned around to face him, “don’t.”

His eyes locked with hers as he replied, “I’m in love with you.” And now it was out in the open. The thing she had so desperately tried to hide. The feelings she wanted to pretend didn’t exist. 

Y/N inhaled sharply, fidgeting with her hands impatiently, she just wanted to get home. She had always hated confrontations, perhaps that was the reason why she said it. It could’ve been one of the reasons she’d been repeating to herself since their second year. Or maybe the words that left her mouth were true.

“Too bad I don’t feel the same.”

No, they weren’t true. She just wished they were.

[voidcat]

–The Life Cycle of a Butterfly

Characters: Daichi Sawamura / f!Reader

Genre & Word Count: fluff & 2.9k

requested by anon:

Would you do a fluff Imagine for Daichi Sawamura where proposes to his HS sweetheart infront of Ukai’s shop because it’s the place of a lot of their relationship firsts like he realized he had a crush on her when they were first years running to each other after their clubs (she played soccer), where she told him she loved him after they lost to Aoba Johsai third year, got yelled at for kissing in front of when they found out they were going to the same university, etc? Your Bo fic got me ❤️

A/N: song rec for the fic is a Nocturne of Chopin’s. also pls keep it in mind i did the ending at 2am so there may be few sentences w/o verbs that slipped my attention.

Sakanoshita Store is a familiar place for many. A meeting point for teens, a store full of wonders for kids and a vantage point for Karasuno High, especially for the sports teams.

It is the place where you first hung out with your new teammates, some of whom you’d become life-long friends in the future. It’s where you found your second family and felt at ease, discussed tactics and laughed about funny memories.

For you, Sakanoshita Store was where you first laid your eyes on the infamous team, though unaware of it at the time, they managed to attract your attention. An usual after-practice snack, you and your friends had crowded the place. Upon entering and seeing there were no absent tables, they had bought whatever they came for and left. And in their absence, there was an air of unease. “Hey, who were they?” you asked one of your friends but the curious expression on her face made it obvious she hadn’t noticed them.

The next day in class, a stroke of silver hair you recognized from the store. “Hello Sugawara-san.”

“Oh, hi (Name)-san. Did you need something?”

“Yes, actually... I was wondering, which club you were in?”

“The boys’ volleyball club!” “Since when Karasuno has one?” The face he makes sends regret through your bones. With a soft giggle, hand scratching his head, he offers a sad smile; similar to the air they brought with them the other night.

“Well the club surely didn’t meet the expectations we had but Daichi-san has hopes for the future.”

The way he says the words gives you hope too, for their club and future success. “Who is, Daichi-san?”

“Square chin, broad shoulders, very nice back? Never captured your attention?” “I will… make sure to look for him next time. Thank you, Sugawara-san.”

“Please, you can call me Suga.”

Suga was right that day, because once Daichi Sawamura captures your attention, it’s downhill from there on.

Exchanged greetings were awkward at first but in a short time, you two would take the time to greet one another and ask how you are. With it began small talk, usually outside Sakanoshita Store, snacks in hand, standing like that for god knows how long.

“So what sports are you doing?” “Soccer!” His face a mixture of surprise and amusement, a moment you hoped would be engraved in your memory forever. Playing the sly, you invited him to one of your practices and he invited you to one of his. Working out and exchanging tactics and suggestions on health were a given after that.

When Suga invited you to the first of many study groups to come, you were none the wiser. “Hey (Name)! I’m holding a study group tomorrow for the upcoming exams. Would you like to join?”

And for your luck, it’d always be the seat next to Daichi or across him that was empty. They either liked to meet up earlier; Suga, Daichi, Asahi-san and Kiyoko-san, or Suga would tell you the time few minutes late for you to show up last.

No complaints though, as fierce as he is on court, Daichi was expectedly good with classes too. He would take the time to explain things patiently if anyone ever needed help, seeing that side of him would make you feel you were included in on a special event. One too delightful to watch and fluttering you in the process.

Firsts is something you experienced quite a lot in High school.

First low grade, first time you had to stay up all night to study, first time you had a bad game and first time you had someone in the audience that you cared for deeply. The first goal you scored was in the very same match, the finishing blow to the game and your winning point. It was the first time Daichi hugged you with an iron grip.

The first time you had snacks at a time so late was when you joined the team. Practices going longer than planned and starvation coming over the lot of you, Ukai’s store is where you all would [go].

The first time Daichi realized his feelings towards you may be bigger than anyone could foresee, it was another late night after practice hangout. As the chill air brushed your cheeks and left clouds of steam in its presence, you were having an energy drink, thanking him for it. One sip and your face was taken over by a new emotion, the surprise of tasting your favorite fruit in the drink, you asked how he knew and he just shrugged with the same small smile of his; a hint of knowing was hidden there but “Dumb luck.” was all he said.

As he started taking notes of what you like and what ticks you’ve got, the small details spilled during study sessions; you found yourself doing the same for him. Study group leading to study dates after an unexpected proposal one evening; a joke with a hint of serious in it.

“Hey have you been to this café downtown? The one that opened recently? I’ve heard they make discounts for couples, we could pretend to be one if you’d like.”

Pretending was easier than asking, little plays for gentler dreams, to avoid the possibility of stern truths and harsh rejections. Something close to disappointment passed through his face but he shook it off quickly, offering a big smile and a nod, “It’s a date, then!”. Oh how the both of you hoped for the words to come true hereafter.

Juggling on the thin line of what-nots, teasing remarks from your friends could not be escaped. And with people who don’t know you two, assuming you were more than just friends, it’d make things more sufferable occasionally. The close calls and the brushing of hands, his breath tingling your cheeks and your eyes watching him with an ever-lasting spark whenever he wasn’t looking around…

Safe to say you were always there for one another, could talk about anything and everything, a shoulder to cry on and a chest to bury your tears deep, a rooted support system at the matches and great consolation for any kind of losses.

Although fights and arguments rare and in-between, one came by after the biggest game of that time, ending with the victory of Aoba Johsai’s epic win. The morale was down, the third years now more lost than ever, for they were so close, fingertips almost grazing at what they’ve been chasing after for the last three years. As everyone started to leave one by one, back to their homes, it was only Daichi and you left behind, back at where it all began.

Frustration clear from his face and the air around him, you reached out a hand, only to stop midair, not touching him, grazing his shoulder or offering a soft pat. It was clear that wasn’t what he needed. Putting on a face of the strong leader for so long, doing the best he could to keep the team up and hopeful; it took everything in him to hold himself together. You wanted nothing more than to help him stay together, stronger than before, than ever.

Consoling words falling short at one point, it was clear he didn’t want to hear.

“Why do you even care so much about this? It’s not like our team faces a great defeat at the beginning, you are not the flightless crows, the depleted ones fallen out of their strenght-“ “Because I care about you, you idiot!” You didn’t mean to yell but maybe it was better to put it out like that.

For the first time in the past hour, his face softened to something new, curious and tender. The “why?” hanging from his lips could be heard from the silencing weight on the street.

“Because I care for you. I love you, can’t you see, how much it hurts me? Do you think I can’t feel your pain and anger right now? Your disappointment and doubts eating at your guts?” Hands acting on their own as words came out of your mouth, you held him in a gentle grip as you kept going.

Aware of the tears gathered at the edge of his eyes, you were numb to yours until he wiped away yours with one step, one touch.

A second step and he was hugging you tight, pressing to himself as much as he can. As if the world around you was reaching its end and he wanted to shield the both of you no matter the consequence. Words mumbled into your hair, you didn’t need to hear to understand what he was trying to say.

Seeing you hand in hand, it was Suga first to cheer on you. A little “Took you long enough!” coming from him didn’t go unnoticed and you could only laugh in response. He did have a point after all. Knowing that, he wouldn’t miss any chance he could get to brag about how it was him to get you two together.

“So our loss to Seijoh was a plan of yours as well?” Daichi said one day and Suga toned down the bragging about being the best wingman.

Joining the club on their practice matches whenever you can was more than just an excuse to see your boyfriend. Getting to see the improvement of your underclassmen made you feel like a mother who first witnessed their baby walking and running. Still doing your best to encourage them whenever you can, you were there with them ‘til the very end.

As school drew near, the immersing? Fear of separation hovered over. It was without a doubt you all would keep in touch but there was something saddening about having to leave high school behind and begin a new chapter of your lives. No more cozy lunch breaks with your friends, you could never get to enjoy the sudden taste of spotting Daichi across the hall during your breaks, waving at each or blowing kisses at one another. No more after school practices together, farewell joint work out sessions and early practices.

With the ever pressing matter of this, all you could was to live in the moment, enjoy it fully and through, take as many mental pictures as you can, laugh your heart out until tears come out and Suga’s face hurt from smiling so much, until Kiyoko cracks down a smile and joins in on your schemes, Asahi watching the rest of you with worry…

And Daichi by your side, almost all the time. Suga would say you two were attached by the hip. On the walks home, you’d offer him your arm and he would pull you to himself instead, an arm wrapped around your waist, your head on his shoulder, inhaling each other’s scent and watching the sun set.

When the awaited time came at last, first thing you did was to run to him, yelling where you would be going for studying. Joining on your joy and little celebration dance, he pulled you to himself and wore the same proud smile he always had whenever his thoughts lay on you.

“Let’s have a treat like always to celebrate!”

“You mean- Ukai’s store?”

“Why not? We should have as many Karasuno snack memories as we can there.” Seeing the unease on your face, Daichi placed a kiss on your head and leaned in for a hug.

“Come on. My treat.” With a quick nod on your part, he grabbed his jacket and the two of you were on your way out. Your feet practically skipping, you couldn’t contain your enthusiasm and started rambling off about anything you could spot on the way, hands never stopping once.

“Hey! Wait a second. You never told me where you got in!”

“So… hungry… cannot- talk…” He said in a rather mimicking voice, low, his unoccupied hand reaching out to a nonexistent table of feasts, clearly impersonating the many times you’ve done the same thing to him.

“Okay, so be it. I can wait!” At your words, he shot a grin your way and pulled you further to himself.

By the time you reached Ukai’s store, purchased anything you craved and got out- another request of Daichi’s, “For old times’ sake.” he simply said. As you were busy unwrapping, his eyes lingered on the store and the trees around, each stone and person passing by.

 He speaks so quietly, you don’t register his words at first: “It’ll feel weird coming back here as college students. I’ll miss seeing through the eyes of a crow.”

Your hands coming to a halt, you look at him, at his eyes and the corner of his mouth, and he doesn’t keep your expecting eyes waiting. “But it’ll be a new beginning for us. Visiting again as the students of (University Name) this time.”

Turning back to face you, with the same smug grin of his, it catches you off guard, even if only for a second. Food be damned, you throw yourself at his arms, the very same ones you found consolation and comfort many times before, and before either of you can realize, you lock your lips, Daichi holding you in his arms, spinning you around.

It feels so normal and natural yet magical, another first in the chamber of joy and the course of living, in the cycle of life and everything. As everything else around you seems to tone down, colors faded back into the background as well as the sounds, you are startled by the shout, a little too familiar. Offering Coach Ukai a sheepish grin, you pull Daichi by his hand and run off to where your feet guide you; the laughter coming from the both of you ringing in the air, bubbling up in your chest and making you feel.

The cycle rounds up again and you take on the new step, from now on comes new beginnings, each one a new adventure test, new taste to try, to drink, run and yell, scream and dance.

It always leads back to certain places engraved in your lives. The same café you first went for an impromptu date, the same park you had a picnic, the familiar front of Sakanoshita Store, the same benches you’ve sat together many times before and fell asleep many more…

Be it a celebration after the tiring week of finals, or a study date gone rogue, a party to celebrate one’s birthday or just a quick run-down the store due to an emergency craving; it always rounds back to the same places, although new settings come once in a while to be joined.

Seasons pass, people come and go, things change and flowers bloom.

The waters wash down the worries just as hit against the rocky cliffs, sharpening some and softening the others, the breeze gently grazing your cheeks and the sun leaving little kisses.

Another day of walking together, nothing particular in mind to do and you find yourselves in front of the Sakanoshita Store like many times before.

“Do you want anything?” you ask Daichi and he just shakes his head. Whispering “I’ll be out in a minute.” you go in.

By the time you are out, Daichi’s attention seems elsewhere, gazed focused on far away, on something that’s not even here. Breaking out of the trance upon hearing your steps, he turns to face you, an expression you haven’t seen in a while, at least not directed at you.

“(Name)-“ he begins, “The past years I’ve gotten to know you, live with you and by your side, they have been the greatest years of my life.” Your breath comes to a pause, unsure of what will follow his words.

“And ever since I’ve met you, you have become a butterfly in my heart. In my stomach, exciting me with your presence; in my mind, entrapping? My thoughts and ideas; flowing in my blood like the oxygen and filling my heart with emotions I could never imagine be true.”

Holding your hand with his, in a manner he has done before, his gaze follows your fingers and trails up back to you. “And just like a butterfly, my life has entered a cycle. A mere caterpillar meeting you, chrysalis never seemed so easy with you, and with that I’ve emerged as someone bright new. Over and over again. Each moment we’ve shared, a new cycle; each day coming to an end, the cycle would carry us back here; each tender memory now engraved in my heart is a gift from you and my days I’ve spent with you.”

Another deep breath and he adds lastly. “So thank you. For giving me this opportunity and letting me live through so many lives, more chances than a butterfly could ever have.”

As your heart stammers in your chest, torn apart on how to feel and what to say, you just stare. “I… I don’t understand-“

“My butterfly-“ Daichi says as he squeezes your hand, “Would you be so kind and allow me to experience more cycles by your side, take me into your heart and life, share a leaf for now and ever?”

When put out like that, it seems clear as day, as the sky above you in that very moment. And all you can say is to let out a “Yes!” and throw yourself into his arms, like you’ve always done.

[briefololtragedy]

A small light in the darkness

Oneshot that popped into my head.

Pairing: Sakura x Shisui

Rating T, mentions of war and PTSD

Summary: Shisui couldn’t recognize himself anymore. What was the point anymore. After a night of poor sleep Shisui decides to go to a local coffee shop, meeting a certain pink haired student for the first time.

Word count: 1971

His heart started to race, flashes crossing his mind, he could feel the sweat starting to cover his body. Shisui shot straight up from his slumber.

“It was just a dream. Not real. I’m back home. I’m safe. My family is safe.” Shisui kept repeating to himself. He was no longer deployed, he had come back home a few months ago. Shisui was supposed to be deployed for 6 more months, but he ended up taking shrapnel to his eyes in an explosion.  Thankfully he didn’t loose his eyesight, he was told he was lucky. Shisui didn’t feel lucky, like his sight his life was blurry. Shisui had spent almost a month in the hospital following multiple surgeries. Even there some of the noises triggered memories that were not pleasant. Dr. Tsunade had seen the signs he was exhibiting and placed him into therapy.

He felt like a shell of what he used to be. Shisui couldn’t bring himself to joke, when he did he would remember the faces of the men who didn’t survive the explosion. They were all gathered around one of the fire pits they set up outside, the men had gotten letters from home. One of them was showing off pictures of his new daughter, a bright smile on his face. The solider was due to go back home in a few weeks. Instead of being hugged by his adoring wife and getting to hold his daughter for the first time, he went home in a body bag instead. No cute video to be taken of him seeing his family. Instead she would stand on the tarmac with the other wives. Dark thoughts were overtaking Shisui. He would have traded places with …Asuma, that was his name, in a heart beat.

What did Shisui have to go home to? An empty one bedroom apartment. His cousin Itachi was preparing to get married to his high school sweetheart. Shisui felt his hands begin to shake. Venturing out to his balcony he reached inside the potted plant to grab his pack of cigarettes. It was a bad habit he picked up during one of his deployments. It was still dark out, around 2am. The lighter providing a hypnotic glow as he went to light the cigarette. It burned as he inhaled the first drag, but it reminded him he was alive. As he looked around it was blurry, he forgot his fucking glasses. The blurriness of his surroundings started to take him back. The yelling, the smell of everything burning, how he couldn’t see. It was a surprise attack, no warning.

He let out a yell. Hopelessness overcame him. Before he knew it he was on the floor rocking back and forth. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. Why couldn’t he do anything right. Why couldn’t he protect his men. All he wanted was to make sure his family remained safe. That his cousin didn’t have to worry, he deserved to live a life with his loving sweetheart as his younger brother tried to best him. He didn’t want anyone to suffer, he would take all the suffering if it meant others could be happy.

Shisui had to take calming breaths. His heart rate was slowing down. The shaking slowing down. He still could feel the unexplained worry. Was Itachi alright? Shisui grabbed his phone looking at the last message Itachi sent.

‘Just got home from the office. Izumi is making dinner. She says I can’t have any more sweets before the wedding. Stay safe and don’t forget your therapy appointment in the morning.’

Itachi was safe. He was where he is supposed to be. Shisui looked at the time, it was almost 5am. His attack took 3 hours from him. It wasn’t the longest attack, but also not the shortest he has had. Shisui decided to change into sweatpants, a simple T-shirt, and his running shoes. He hoped a run would help clear his mind.

10 miles. Shisui had run 10 miles. His legs ached, his chest was tight, but it was a good feeling. The tingling of his muscles was a welcome feel. He felt more in control of his body. Jumping into the shower to get ready for the day it was like washing some of the memories away. He knew he couldn’t wash them away for good, but even a few moments would suffice. Brushing his teeth he cleaned the mirror and looked at his reflection. He could barely recognize the person staring back at him. He felt older than 33, he could see his scares around his eyes, so faint, but a reminder of his failures. ‘Don’t go there Shisui, don’t ruin your work this morning.’

After getting dressed Shisui looked at the time it was almost 8. He had plenty of time to get some coffee before his therapy session. It had been a while since he last sat in a coffee shop drinking a cup of coffee, watching people hustle and bustle with the start of their day. Mind made up he grabbed his keys and headed out.

Leaf Coffee and Tea was a local shop Downtown, close to his apartment and his therapist’s office wasn’t too far either. Ordering a simple black coffee Shisui settled down into the worn leather chairs by the large windows. He was able to see the pedestrians walking down the street along with everyone in the shop. Men and women in suits came in ordered their drinks and then looked impatient as they waited for their orders. Feet tapping on the floor and occasionally glancing at their watches. He heard a bunch of giggling high school students at one of the large tables in the center of the coffee shop. It was hilarious to see some of the college students glare at the group as they studied.

Shisui reclined his head back, taking a moment to close his eyes and take everything in. The noises around him were almost comforting. He could hear odd bits of conversations. Then he felt it. A pressure on his shoulder. He jolted up, on high alert.

“Excuse me sir. I didn’t mean to startle you. Is there anyone sitting in this chair?” The voice was soft. He looked to his right and paused. The sight before him was familiar for some reason. He had gotten use to the desert that surrounded him, the lack of color. However, it seemed there was no lack of color with the person standing before him. She had navy stockings on, a grey skirt that came mid thigh, her blouse was a dark forest green. But it wasn’t her outfit that packed the color punch, but the girl herself. Her eyes could put a forest to shame with how green they were. Did trees weep, jealous of the emerald color. Her hair was gathered in a braid it looked like, but he had no clue what type, small pieces framed her face, he wondered if she dyed it that pink. When he went to look at her face again and noticed the pink eyebrows and eyelashes he had no doubt her color was natural. She looked like a nature spirt walking around disguised as a person.

“Uh… sorry I didn’t catch that.” Shisui felt like he wanted to kick himself.

“I wanted to know if this seat was taken. There are no more open places to sit. Are you waiting for anyone?” She didn’t look annoyed. She had removed her hand from his shoulder. He then noticed that she carried her own cup of coffee, but also a really heavy looking book.

“No. I’m not saving the seat, please sit down.” She moved like a ballerina, so graceful. Graceful until she flopped herself in the seat.

“Thanks! I got here later than I expected and my usual seat was gone. This coffee shop tends to get pretty busy. I blame my idiot roommate, she silenced my alarm, said I needed to stop studying for a moment. I adore her like a sister, but we have different priorities….” She kept talking and then trialed off.

 “I’m so sorry! I started to ramble, don’t mind me sir.” A blush spread across her cheeks. Good she looked so young, maybe late teens early twenties. He felt like a perv.

 “No problem, it’s nice to have some company. “ Smooth, very smooth. She relaxed at his words. Shisui hadn’t felt this relaxed in…well he couldn’t remember when.

 “Did you just move to the area? I haven’t seen you here before.” She didn’t look up from her textbook as she spoke.

 “No I’ve lived here for some time. This coffee place is new to me. I haven’t been here before. “ his coffee was almost gone as he looked into his cup. He wanted to savor these last few sips and the company he was with. Here he was just a man, talking to a woman (hoping she was closer to the early twenties mark).  

 Before she could ask more questions he spoke. “What are you studying for? That is quite the book you got.” Man could he sound more like an old man.

 “Oh this is just a review book. I’m in my last year of medical school and have to take test before applying to residency. I like to come here and study for a change of scenery.”  She started to pull out a bag full of highlighters, pens, and post its. How could one person need so many pens.

 He didn’t know how to respond. His people skills were getting to almost Sasuke level bad it seemed. He could hear a ringing and then realized it was his phone.

 “Hey Itachi. Yes I’m fine, I went to get coffee this morning. Yes I won’t forget. I have 30 minutes before I have to be there. Who died and made you my mother?” God why was Itachi such a mother hen! Well Shisui knew why and appreciated it most of the time. In all honesty he almost forgot he had a therapy session soon.

 “Yes I can come over for dinner tonight. Do you need me to bring anything? Got it. “ Shisui realized that the woman’s eyes were on him.

 “Sorry about that. That was my cousin. I should probably get going soon.” He looked at his coffee, it was empty. Disappointment filling his cup instead of coffee.

 “Your cousin Itachi, he wouldn’t happen to have a brother named Sasuke would he? “ Don’t freak out Shisui, don’t freak out. She doesn’t look like a stalker.

 “Yes he has a younger brother named Sasuke.” His voice was full of apprehension.

 “Oh my! You must be Shisui! I have been friends with Sasuke since college, well more like Naruto initially dragged him to all of our group gatherings. “ She knew Sasuke and was friends with him, yep he felt like a pervert. However, that meant she was more around 25 and not as young as she appeared.

 “I should let you go to your meeting. I’m Sakura by the way.” She held her hand out. His heart started to race again, but this time it wasn’t surrounding unpleasant flashbacks, but nerves. God his hands were sweaty. The moment their hands touched, everything melted away.

 “ I guess that means I’ll be seeing you around.” Shisui had hope for the first time surfacing. A small light was starting to break through all of the darkness.

 As Shisui walked out of the shop he couldn’t help but look back. She was sitting with her legs folded under her engrossed in her studies. The way to his therapists office wasn’t the heavy march it has been in the past. Maybe he could see if Itachi and Izumi would have Sasuke and his friends join for one of their dinners.

[cuddlepilefics]

Whumptober Day 21 – Airport

Fandom: Stray Kids

Sickie: Jisung

Caregiver: Chan (mostly)

 Jisung’s POV.:

It was 2am and I couldn’t sleep. Our next tour is starting tomorrow and we’ll have to get up early to catch an early flight. I had already been a bit fidgety the last few days, the thought of maybe getting mobbed at the airport was stressing me out. Sometime in the afternoon my stomach had started to hurt and Chan had made me some chamomile tea. He had told me to go to bed early and try to distract myself by listening to music. It hadn’t really worked, now hours later my thoughts were still racing and I hadn’t gotten a single minute of sleep yet. The stomachache hadn’t gone away either. It had only increased and my stomach was now turning nauseatingly. I felt like I was about to be sick and tried to calm that feeling by taking slow and steady breaths through my nose. It seemed to work, at least for half an hour, before I climbed out of bed and hurried to the bathroom as quietly as possible. I closed the door behind me and knelt down in front of the toilet. A cramp shot through my abdomen and I bit my lip to suppress a whimper, rubbing small circles on my tummy. Somehow now that I was up, nothing was happening, so I got up again, shuffling into the kitchen to get some water. Taking tentative sips, I tried to ease the churning but the water turned out to have been a bad idea and I was soon kneeling in front of the toilet again. I gagged softly over the undisturbed water but nothing came up. With the next gag I could taste my meager dinner. I felt it right there at the back of my throat but it just wouldn’t come up. I tried pressing my hand into my tummy but aside from a dry retch nothing happened. Sighing I leaned back against the bathtub and tried to take deep breaths. My hands were shaking and I was close to tears, how should I get through our journey like this? What if I throw up in front of all the fans and cameras at the airport? My breathing quickened and I was soon bent over the bowl again, this time heaving up a bit of the few bites I actually managed to force down at dinner. I choked, sending myself into a coughing fit which only triggered another gag. There goes the rest of my dinner I guess. After this I only managed to bring up small amounts of bile, only becoming aware of how little I had actually eaten now. My stomach was hurting just as badly as before but I pushed myself up, flushing the toilet. I brushed my teeth and splashed a bit of water on my face while leaning against the sink weakly. Stumbling back to my room dizzily, I collapsed onto my bed. Great, we’d have to get up in an hour but I didn’t think I’d fall asleep anyways. At this point I wasn’t so sure that my misery was purely caused by my nerves. Sure, I had stomachaches from anxiety before, even to the point of feeling nauseous but I had never thrown up because of it. Also, the dizziness was unfamiliar. The longer I lay there, the more I was getting convinced I had caught some kind of bug and the thought of having to get through the day ahead while being sick only frightened me more.

I was pulled from my thoughts when Chan came in to wake us, gently shaking the maknae I was rooming with. Jeongin disappeared to the bathroom to get ready and Chan sleepily sat down next to me, noting how I had already been awake when he came in. “Did you sleep?” I shook my head silently and he wraps an arm around my shoulder. “Do you want to have breakfast with the others?” – “I can’t eat right now”, I whispered shakily and he nodded in understanding. “Do you want to talk about it? Maybe saying it out loud will help” I took a deep breath: “I’m afraid that we’ll be stuck in a crowed again and there’ll be so many people, I don’t want to throw up in front of them and all the cameras” My voice started to break. “Hey, we’ll be right there with you, ok? At no point I’m going to leave you alone, I promise. Does your stomach still hurt?”, he tried to calm me while hugging me sideways. I nodded pitifully and he sighed. “Don’t worry about throwing up in front of them, you’ve never thrown up from anxiety before so why would you do now?” – “Did earlier”, I whispered as a tear rolled down my cheek. Chan frowned and stroked my back. “We’ll make sure to get you straight to the hotel, as soon as we arrive. It’ll be quiet and just us, you can lay down and catch up on the sleep you lost tonight, yeah?” I knew he tried to help but it didn’t really help. “Hyung, I don’t think it’s just anxiety. You said it yourself, why would I throw up from it now? I can’t do this…” – “Sungie, I’m sure it is and I’m sure you’ll be fine as soon as we’re there. Trust hyung, alright?” I gave up on trying to make him understand and just nodded defeatedly before getting up to get dressed.

 Chan’s POV.:

My heart really ached for my dongsaeng and I knew today would be hell for him. He was frightened of the crowds of people inside airport buildings and not having slept beforehand didn’t make it easier. Now it had even gotten to the point that he threw up from his nerves. If I only knew how to help him, sure, I’d stay closely by his side the entire time but I doubted that would be enough. I got ready and grabbed a bite for breakfast with my other members, while Jisung got dressed. When he met us at the door, he looked pale and shaky and everyone smiled at him sympathetically. During the car ride to the airport, Felix and Hyunjin tried to distract him with funny songs they had saved on their phones. Their success was mediocre as he constantly kept one arm wrapped around his middle and the smile he had put on never really reached his eyes.

When we got out of the car, I made sure to walk right next to him while also keeping an eye on the rest of our members. They were also staying close-by, like we had discussed during breakfast, Minho flanking Jisung’s other side. We made sure he was right between us and always had at least one hand on his back, so he’d feel us being there. The youngers had made it their mission to distract as many cameras as possible, smiling and waving cutely while blowing kisses. They really did their best to take most of the attention away from Jisung’s discomfort, while we tried to get through all the checks as fast as possible. Thankfully we made it to the waiting hall in our terminal without any incidents. Jisung had been smiling the entire time and I was certain he had fooled all the people around us, Stray Kids being the only ones able to see through his facade. There were far less people waiting at the terminal and finally having the space to breathe, we loosened our formation a bit, relaxing slightly. So it totally took me by surprise when Jisung suddenly darted off to the closest restroom. Shooting Minho a look, saying “keep the group together”, I hurried off after him. As soon as I opened the door I heard retching and found my dongsaeng in the stall closest to the entrance. He was bracing his arms on the walls on either side of the small stall. I placed a hand on his back and he drew in a shaky breath before doubling over with a harsh gag. He coughed spitting into the bowl before. “Shh, it’s alright. It’s only the two of us”, I mumbled rubbing his back. If I could only calm him down, his stomach should be giving him a break. It didn’t seem to work very well as another heave brought up a small wave of only stomach acid and I remembered, that there was nothing for Jisung to throw up. He had skipped breakfast and had apparently already thrown up his dinner last night. I sighed trying to steady him as he retched dryly. “Sungie, you’re empty. Just try to breathe, everything’s fine”, I assured patting his back as he choked on a panting breath. Still coughing, more bile spilled from his lips and he started to sway a bit, so I wrapped one arm around his waist making sure he wouldn’t fall. Trying to catch his breath, he straightened back up, holding onto the sides of the stall to keep his balance. He spat into the toilet one last time before flushing its contents. Turning to me he dropped his head and I wordlessly pulled him into a hug. He still looked weak and shaky so I kept supporting him when he washed up at the sink and I walked him over to the sitting area. Most members had decided to check out the duty-free shops but Minho and Hyunjin had found two rows of free seats facing each other. I let Jisung plop down next to Minho and Hyunjin got up to hand him a bottle of water and a mint, they all had figured what was going on by now. Jisung thanked him quietly, pulling his hood up. Minho grabbed his jacket, folding it into a square before placing it on his lap and motioning for Jisung to lay down.

 Jisung’s POV.:

Chan had kept his promise, he was there the whole time, even when I emptied my stomach in a tiny and disgusting public restroom. Not having anything in me hurt badly as the acid burned my throat but at least Chan was the only one to witness my misery. When we exited the restroom, I still felt really dizzy and had to rely on my hyung to keep me upright. Luckily, Minho and Hyunjin had gotten some seats off to the side, where it was a bit quieter. I gladly accepted the water Hyunjin handed me and it soothed the burning in my throat, the mint finally ridding my mouth of the vile taste. Suddenly the exhaustion from not having slept last night hit me again and my head felt really heavy. So there was only little resistance in me when Minho motioned for me to lay down on his lap and I was soon curled up over three seats with my head on the jacket in his lap. He then started to play with my hair and actually managed to relax as I tried to forget about being in public. I was starting do get a little drowsy till Minho shifted his hand from my hair to my forehead. “Aish, Sungie. You’re burning up.” – “He’s feverish?”, Chan asked, walking over and putting a hand to my face too. “Told you ’s no’ jus’ nerves”, I slurred tiredly and wrapped my arms around my achy middle. “I’m so, so sorry, Sungie. I just have listened to you. Sorry for not taking it seriously, I should have kept in mind that you know your body best and are most likely able to tell the difference. I’m sorry”, he comforted me, running a hand up and down my arm. “’S ok, hyung”, I whispered shivering slightly. He grabbed his jacket that was tied to his backpack, covering my torso with it before rubbing both hands up and down my arms. “Try to get some rest while we wait, yeah? I’ll search for the others and see if there’s maybe a travel- pharmacy here so I can at least get you some antacids or something”, with a last pat on my shoulder he was gone and I whined quietly before Minho stroked my hair again and I burrowed myself further into his touch.

With 45 minutes left till boarding I nodded off completely drained from my earlier ordeal and glad that my hyungs were here to look out for me.

[teentitanimals]

Carrie Kelley in the Batfam

I freaking love Carrie Kelley, she’s so awesome. I desperately wish to see more content of her (I say, never even having read the comics she’s in- so sue me, I’ll get to it eventually). So, I’m taking it upon myself to write how I think she’d function with the rest of the Batfam! In ‘my’ version/understanding of the Batfam, she becomes Robin when Damian is AWOL. She quickly assumes the identity of Catgirl after Damian returns (angry, of course), and then eventually becomes Batgirl when no one else takes that mantle.

I personally view Carrie as someone who’s really, really eager to have a true family, and if she gets to kick criminals’ asses to have that family, then that’s just a big bonus. In basic, I see her as someone who’s very outwardly bubbly, energetic, eager to please, full of determination, enthusiastic, and somewhat stubborn, but has layers of doubt and anxiety expertly pushed down (as is the Bats’ way). In more depth, I see her as someone who knows what she has to do, and will do it no matter what. When she’s given an order, she will go through with it. When she needs to lead, she will. When she needs to follow, she will. Still though, she is inexperienced and untrained compared to the others, both on the physical side and emotional side. While she can put on that facade of coldness, strictness, when she no longer needs that mask, she can break down. For example, when she unhesitatingly punished that Batboy (Mutant guy) for killing some one, but later cried about it. She does what she believes needs to be done in the moment, but can often doubt or regret afterwards, when it’s safer to do so.

Anyway, here’s how I view her relationships with the Batfam! I might do this with some of the other Batfam as well, like Duke :)

Bruce - Carrie instantly views Batman as a parental figure. Her parental figures barely even remember she exists, so when Batman finally accepted her temporarily as Robin, she immediately started to view him as a positive adult role model in her life. She’s always very eager to impress him and relishes in every moment she’s near him, but she can get super anxious when he’s silent, often interrupting it as him ignoring her, just like her real parents do.

Alfred - Carrie loves Alfred, no surprise there. Who doesn’t, after all? She’s only seen her grandparents a few times, so it’s much like what she did with Bruce, instantly viewing him as a grandfather figure. She loves getting him little gifts and enjoys helping him with the work he does around the manor. She would spend every moment telling him how much she appreciates him, if she could.

Selina - She’s a bit hesitant with Selina, because she doesn’t really know much about the woman past her sort of being Batman’s “lover” and also a criminal dressed in a catsuit sometimes. She wants to view Selina as a mother figure, but she gets nervous and shy around her. The two do bond over a love of cats and dogs, though. (I actually have an idea/AU where Carrie becomes Catgirl but as Catwoman’s ‘sidekick’.)

Commissioner Gordon - She has a good amount of respect towards the Commissioner, along with a certain amount of pity. Sometimes, when she’s able to, she’ll prompt him to tell stories to her, and just sit down and listen. She wants to know him better, maybe become like uncle and niece, but she doesn’t really know how to do that.

Kate - Carrie takes well to Batwoman, admiring and respecting her a great deed. She adapts easily to viewing Kate as an aunt. She isn’t as eager to impress Kate like she is with Bruce, but she does value her opinion a lot. Carrie really enjoys hanging out with Kate outside of their masks too, and finds her to be really fun and cool, especially compared to Bruce- although, she would never tell Bruce that to his face.

Dick - Carrie was really, really anxious for Dick’s approval. No, not for being Robin, but rather for being accepted into the family. He was the eldest sibling. The first sibling. Needless to say, getting his immediate acceptance was so relieving it was almost addicting. And, not to mention, Dick was the first person to really hug her in a long while. A full on, arms wrapped around, tight squeeze, warm, loving kind of hug. She about cried on the spot. An unfortunate side effect is that having Dick hug her and seeing him hug everyone else made her Dick’s rival as the most touchy-feely of the Batfam. At least the fam has better luck escaping Carrie’s hugs than they do Dick’s.

Barbara - Carrie also was really anxious for Babs’s approval as well, this time more focused on being a Batgirl than with being accepted into the family. The two aren’t super close, or super chatty, but Carrie always appreciates Babs’s easy and quiet acceptance of her. Even when Carrie feels ignored and forgotten by the rest of the family, she can always count on having Babs simply just greeting her, or sending her out on a mission, just a casual acknowledgement of her existence. In return, Carrie also enjoys giving her small gifts from time to time like she does with Alfred.

Jason - She was a bit nervous initially meeting the infamous Red Hood, but she covered it well with guts and confidence. After she overcame her wariness of him, she definitely tried a bit harder to impress him, viewing him as the ‘cool older brother’. Jason isn’t all that touchy-feely with her like Dick, but every pat on the head, shoulder or back feels like ‘He Accepts Me as His Little Sister’ heaven to her. The two don’t always mesh well together, but they don’t have any animosity or history between them, so it’s easy for them to get along well.

Cass - Cass both fills Carrie with anxiety and love. On one hand, Cass is often very silent, and that really activates Carrie’s ‘She’s Ignoring Me, She Doesn’t Care About Me’, but on the other hand, Cass is very warm and comforting, even without words. Carrie would compare her to a ‘blanket’- warm, soft, comforting, always there for you, even without saying anything, but sometimes when it gets too hot (too silent), you need to get rid of the blanket until its colder (too loud) again. It’s an odd simile, but Cass finds it amusing. Cass more than makes up with her silence with many friendly pats and hugs to her new little sister (which Carrie was ecstatic to find out Cass viewed her as such almost as immediately as Carrie viewed her as an older sister).

Luke - Carrie doesn’t see Luke or Batwing all that much, but she kind of enjoys that. It’s like having a distant cousin you see on holidays that you get along well with. It really solidifies the whole ‘family’ thing for her. She likes hanging out with his siblings, too.

Harper - Harper, too, is more like a cousin, but one Carrie is just in awe of. She definitely wants to get to know Harper better, but they haven’t found the time too.

Tim - She often finds it hard to get along with Tim. Not that they clash heads or anything, it’s more like an awkward silence (and you know by now how much she hates silence). Carrie is loud and energetic even without coffee, yet Tim sometimes can barely stay awake even with coffee. She also isn’t as good with tech as the other, having less experience and access to even the more simpler digital devices due to her parents neglect of her and her childhood. She admires his intelligence and skill greatly, and often feels inferior to him because of it. It’s weird, because she also knows and acknowledges that the rest of the Batfam is greater than her in most skills simply due to more experience and training, but for some reason Tim’s skills make her feel worthless and unimportant to the family. Still though, the two find ways to get along, even if it is just something as minor as Carrie offering to get him some coffee and watching him work. Tim has offered to teach her more on tech too, which she’s pretty eager about, even if a lot of it flies over her head.

Steph - Once again, Steph is one of those people Carrie highly admires. Steph was, after all, both a Robin and Batgirl like Carrie too. Plus, Carrie just really loves Steph’s personality, humor, and wit. She’s the older sister Carrie wants to impress the most. The two got along immediately, personalities bouncing well off each other, like an echo chamber but better. Steph greatly enjoys having a little sister to teach ‘girl stuff’ too, and is happy to pull Carrie along on any trips to the mail, or to paint nails with her and Cass. Inviting Carrie to watch reality TV and musicals with her and Damian. Their text messages between each other consist solely of memes and random ramblings done at 2am. Bruce often has to separate them on patrols or missions, because Steph brings out Carrie’s ‘lack of brain cells’ side, making her more eager to just jump head-on into danger without a proper plan or instructions to do so.

Duke - She and Duke are both the ‘new kids’, but Duke knows just a little bit more about the Batfamily than her. He enjoys showing her ‘the ropes’ when getting used to the family’s insanity. She’s more rambunctious and eager to join in on the chaos than he was, but they can still bond over giving each other those little glances of ‘Are you seeing this too? I’m not crazy right?’ and ‘They can’t be serious.’ Carrie enjoys the more calmed down energy she can have with him. Everyone else in the family’s high energy brings out hers, but Duke has that perfect balance that she appreciates. Even someone as eager for familial attention can be overwhelmed at times. Sometimes they just enjoy calmly, casually talking about whatever, relaxing as they eat, or read, or watch TV.

Damian - Damian is by far the one Carrie admires the most. She’s the one she craves the most acceptance from, and Damian being Damian, it’s very hard to get it, especially since she was a ‘copycat’, a ‘temporary replacement’, a ‘little girl scout looking at the big leagues’ to him. Despite Damian’s many, many insults and jabs and overall disrespect to her, she took it as best she could in stride, not wanting to upset him further. Much like Jason was Tim’s Robin, Damian was Carrie’s Robin, the one she looked up to. It’s why she so easily gave up being Robin and became Catgirl when Damian came back. It was his role, and Carrie didn’t mean to ‘steal it’ from him, or to ‘replace him’, just to help Batman when he didn’t have anyone else. It takes awhile, a long while, but Damian begins to warm up to her, slowly, slowly, accepting her as his sister. Eventually, he actually becomes pretty protective of her, after all, Robin and Batgirl are just as iconic a pair as Robin and Batman. Despite Damian being younger than Carrie (in my eyes), Carrie views him as a protective older brother. They enjoy taking care of all their pets and animals together, and complaining about school to one another, and crashing on the couch after a long day, watching random shows until they fall asleep and one of their older siblings has to carry them to their respective beds.

[edelwoodsouls]

all roads lead - ch.2

When his mother dies, Stiles runs away, straight into danger - only to be saved by Peter Hale. Seven years later, after burying their alpha, Stiles and Malia return home.

Word Count: 2,065 | Also on Ao3 | Other Chapters: 1, 3, 4, 5,

Chapter 2: BOOKS

The bus drops them on the outskirts of Beacon Hills, and as it retreats back down the forest-hemmed road Stiles feels a desperate urge to run after it and beg the driver to take him back to New York.

Instead he swallows the fear that beats like his heart in his throat, and turns to face the sign in front of them, which reads Welcome to Beacon Hills, Please enjoy your stay in large, rust-marred letters.

Past that is the road into town, crowded by dense trees which tower into the sky on both sides. Stiles used to feel so at home in the woods, with their hushed magic and teeming life hidden just below the surface. But these woods are menacing, oppressively quiet but far from silent. These trees are old, centuries of memories imprinted in the whispers of their leaves and cracks in their bark.

"We've come this far." Malia's voice is like a shot in the quiet, cold air, snapping Stiles from his thoughts.

"I don't think we thought this through." Stiles replies. He's right, of course. It's only been four days since Malia stumbled across the article which mentions his dad - the sheriff of Beacon Hills closing yet another thought-unsolvable case only a handful of weeks ago - while she was searching for any remaining members of Peter's elusive family, or a trace of her mysterious mother. They packed light, buying a ticket on the first bus to California that very night.

He has no idea what he's doing. What could he possibly say to explain the last nine years to the father whose death he mourned almost a decade ago? How can he face what Stiles running away so soon after losing Claudia must have done to him?

"We can't turn back now." Malia sounds so sure of herself, so without doubt - it's a trait Stiles has always been jealous of, now more than ever. "And besides, we need to tell the Hales that Peter is dead."

"Pretty sure they already thought he was." Stiles snorts derisively despite himself. "Either that or they'll be glad to hear the news. There's a reason he refused to talk about them."

"Well then I want to meet them and punch them in the face."

"Sounds like a plan," Stiles concedes, a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips as he squeezes Malia's hand.

"Let's go then." She shoves him playfully, and he promptly trips over his own feet, landing with a thud beside his rucksack. "How can you be a big, bad alpha werewolf and still be clumsy?"

"Guess I'm just talented that way."

"It's a very impressive talent."

He takes a mock bow as he stands. "Thank you, thank you. I'm here all week."

Malia rolls her eyes and starts walking towards the town, leaving him to scoop up his bag and scramble after her.

~~~

Half an hour later finds them standing in the library in the centre of town. It's small, considering it's the only one in the entire town - low roofed and darkly lit, shelves stretching as far as the eye can see.

This would be Peter's idea of heaven. Stiles can imagine him - a less broken, teenage version of him - curling up behind the stacks, going through book after book, determined to read the whole damn library.

Even the smell, of old books and ink, reminds him of Peter.

Stiles blinks rapidly and forces himself to focus on the task at hand: research.

He's always been able to trust in 2AM internet spirals to find any information he desires - his aversion to Peter's dusty old tomes of lore is one of the things they argued over most - but of course these things can never be that simple. The Hale fire is a thing of mystery, its details buried under confusion and wrapped in conspiracy - almost as if someone went to great lengths to obscure the facts.

He wouldn't be surprised if that someone had been Peter. Know thy enemy, he would always say, a favourite refrain heavy with the weight of experience. What better way to fight an enemy than to make yourself unknowable?

They don't even know how many people died in the fire, how many survived. How long Peter's excruciating coma lasted. How he ended up stumbling across Stiles, sweeping him and Malia up in a whirwind of pack and safety and home. It wasn't something Peter prefered to dwell on, and even Malia never pushed.

Stiles tears his eyes away from the bank of admittedly ancient computers, turning regretfully to the newspaper archives, and gets to work.

It takes far longer than he'd like. His attention span has never been a trusted thing, either flitting between things like a bird or doubling down on one and letting the world fall away. As a wolf the impatience, the frustration, only grows.

What little he knows about the Hales is information he's collected, hoarded like gold in the tiny morsels he's been able to gather along with any information about Beacon Hills. The Hale family, a long line of wolves settled in Northen California. Settled there for a reason, the grapevine insists, though none can remember why. Power. Magic. It alls boils down to those two inextricable things, in Stiles' experience.

And then came January, 2005. The Wolf Moon. A family gathering gone awfully, terribly wrong. He finds, buried, in the wrong box, the newspaper for the day after. Electrical fire, the headline claims, though it is too soon after the incident for such a judgement to have been made. Eleven dead - the number burns into his eyes, and for a moment he's lost in imagining it, those last moments, the smell of ash on the wind. He feels sick.

Finally, he finds two names: Laura and Derek Hale, Peter's niece and nephew. The only other survivors of the fire. A passing mention in a middle page column announces them leaving Beacon Hills.

Leaving Peter.

A sudden flush of anger takes Stiles by surprise. He has to squeeze his eyes shut to hide his flickering irises.

They left him. Alone, in agony, paralysed, and they fled, tearing away the one thing which might aid his healing. The warmth of pack, of family, replaced only by the burning memories of a house and life ablaze.

He'd known the story was bad, but still. Stiles feels sick, imagining how awful those months must have been. He feels hollow enough with one burnt and broken pack bond, cold in a way no fire could warm - but he has Malia, and her connection burns inside him, a guiding lantern in the dark, softening the edge.

Peter had a pack of thirteen reduced to two in an instant. And then those two lights had wandered far into the dark where even their glow would be useless.

No wonder he'd been so broken. No wonder he'd clung to Malia, to Stiles, like lifelines that might vanish like so much smoke.

Malia wanders over to his desk and seats herself on top of the table, ignoring the poisonous look the librarian gives her. "You're spiraling," she says shortly.

He pushes the newspaper article towards her. She wrinkles her nose - he's sure she would rather put her own arm in a vat of acid before having to read - but nonetheless skims over the words, a frown settling between her brows.

"Nothing we didn't already know," she says eventually, with a nochalance he knows is fake. Malia doesn't understand a lot about social cues or human interaction, but pack loyalty holds a close place in her heart. Shot at for most of her younger years by hunters, chased by other creatures in the Beacon Hills Preserve, abandoned by her own father for being too animal, too inhuman - the only safe haven she's ever known is Peter and Stiles. Her pack, always there, without question or demand.

Stiles sighs and nods, leaning to rest his forehead on her knee. She combs her fingers absently through his hair, and the gesture settles something inside him.

He's so tired. So lost. He feels as if he hasn't stopped moving, thinking, panicking in years. Was it really only weeks ago that he'd made a deal with the devil, let a fox crawl into his skin to save his pack, only for it to make a home there, to lead to that pack's very decimation?

And you'd do it again, he thinks, and he can't tell if the voice is a lingering other or his own. But he knows it's true. Better a quick and bloody death from the claws of mindless trickery than a slow and excruciating torture at the hands of hunters.

He wants to curl into a ball in the woods and never move again, but he forces himself to look up at his beta, his best friend, his sister. They've picked a direction to move, and until they can find steady ground again, it seems easiest to simply follow.

"Where to?" Malia asks, sensing his thoughts. Sometimes he wonders whether their pack bonds share more than connection, emotion, warmth. Then again, Malia knows his scent, knows his mind, perhaps better than she knows her own - as does he for her. They are in tune in a way deeper than words can surmise.

"The Hale house," he says slowly, "...or my dad's."

"Charred ruins and a possibly hostile pack of werewolves, or the grieving father you abandoned to alcoholism. Tough choice."

"You really know how to put sparkles on everything," he snipes. She tugs his hair almost painfully in response.

He weighs the options in his head for a moment, makes a show of thinking, but his heart has already decided. "My dad," he says. "He might be able to tell us what we need to know about the town. Give us the history, the inside track."

"And he isn't supernatural," Malia reads between the lines like they're the whole goddamn book.

"Yeah," Stiles admits.

He's had enough of the supernatural for a lifetime.

~~~

Unfortunately, life can never be that simple, and things have changed in the almost-decade Stiles has been gone. He knocks on the door of his old house, ignoring the ghosts of a buried past which curl around him. He doesn't dare wander directly into the sheriff's office, isn't sure how he'd handle that many guns and the overwhelming smell of death; only now, facing this monument of his buried regrets, he's not sure that's any worse-

The door swings open, and he finds himself face to face with a girl around his own age, all angles and dark hair.

She smells sharply of wolfsbane and iron.

He flinches back in surprise.. "You're not the sheriff."

"Last time I checked, yeah," the girl laughs. It's a nice sound, entirely at odds with the scent of violence on the air. "I'm Allison. My family moved here last year- this used to be the sheriff's house, though. Are you looking for him?"

Words fail Stiles entirely. Everything here is so wrong, on so many levels.

"We are," Malia steps in smoothly. "Could you tell us where to find him?"

"Have you tried the sheriff's station?"

Malia gives her such a deadpan glare even Stiles would cower under its full intensity. He's impressed by how long the girl - Allison - lasts before wilting, scrawling an address onto a post-it note and handing it over with a bashful smile.

He's never seen such an effective wolf in sheep's clothing.

Except perhaps himself.

He nods wordlessly at her, not trusting himself to speak, but as they turn to leave Allison speaks out. "What do you want with Stilinski anyway?" Her tone tries to sound benignly curious, but there's an edge to her voice, a personal concern that strikes him as odd.

Stiles pauses a moment before answering. "I owe him something, and I'm here to pay my debts."

The words are more true than he'd like to admit in their vagueness. He has no idea what he'll say, what he'll do, what he wants, he just knows that the path leads to his father, and that's where he has to follow. To talk. To explain. To fight. To apologise.

Something.

Nevertheless, the words have the desired effect - he tastes Allison's suspicion on the air and smiles, grabbing Malia's hand and walking away.

He's always loved courting danger a little too much.

[omxriis]

               hi   guys      !      this   is   something   i’ve   been   tossing   back      &      forth   in   my   head   for   a   lil   bit   ,   but   the   fact   of   the   matter   is   that   my   muse   for   mari   was   starting   to   run   low   ,   but   i’m   a   mess      &      don’t   wanna   let   go   of   him   asdfjkns   ,   so   i   decided   to   revamp   him      !      or   more   accurately   ,   bring   old   mari   back      !      so   below   u   will   find   his   old   biography      (      thank   god   i   still   have   his   old   intro   up   sdfgkjfsd      )      as   well   as   a   little   update   bc   he   needs   smth   to   give   him   a   kick   up   the   ass   :/   this   shouldn’t   rly   affect   most   of   my   plots   but   if   u   would   like   to   plot   smth   w   him   ,   pls   let   me   know      !

&& .   announcing   his   royal   highness  ,      (      𝐎𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐈   𝐌𝐀𝐋𝐀𝐂𝐇𝐈   𝐙𝐔𝐋𝐔      )      ,   the      (      𝟑𝟎      )      year   old      (      𝐂𝐑𝐎𝐖𝐍   𝐏𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐂𝐄      )      of      (      𝐁𝐎𝐓𝐒𝐖𝐀𝐍𝐀      )      .   he   is   often   confused   with      (      𝐌𝐈𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐄𝐋   𝐁 .   𝐉𝐎𝐑𝐃𝐀𝐍      )      .   some   say   that   he   is      (      𝐂𝐀𝐏𝐑𝐈𝐂𝐈𝐎𝐔𝐒      &      𝐎𝐔𝐓𝐒𝐏𝐎𝐊𝐄𝐍      )      ,   but   he   is   actually      (      𝐃𝐄𝐁𝐎𝐍𝐀𝐈𝐑      &      𝐅𝐀𝐈𝐓𝐇𝐅𝐔𝐋      )      .

trigger   warnings   :   brief   mentions   of   death      &      illness   .

*    𝑺𝑻𝑨𝑺𝑻𝑰𝑺𝑻𝑪𝑺   .

𝐅𝐔𝐋𝐋   𝐍𝐀𝐌𝐄      &      𝐌𝐄𝐀𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒   :      omari      (      god   the   highest      )      malachi      (      my   angel      )      zulu      (      heaven      )      .

𝐍𝐈𝐂𝐊𝐍𝐀𝐌𝐄𝐒    :      mar   ,   mari   .

𝐀𝐆𝐄   :      thirty   .

𝐁𝐈𝐑𝐓𝐇𝐃𝐀𝐘   :      4th   of   august   .

𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐑   :      male   .

𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐍𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐒   :      he   /   him   .

𝐙𝐎𝐃𝐈𝐀𝐂   :      leo   af   .

𝐑𝐄𝐋𝐈𝐆𝐈𝐎𝐍   :      christian   .

𝐎𝐂𝐂𝐔𝐏𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍   :      crown   prince   of   botswana      (      self   -   proclaimed   professional   pain   in   the   ass      )      .

𝐋𝐈𝐊𝐄𝐒   :      writing   ,   reading   ,   being   in   social   situations   ,   solving   problems   ,   traveling   ,   annoying   his   siblings   .

𝐃𝐈𝐒𝐋𝐈𝐊𝐄𝐒   :      loud   eaters   ,   obnoxious   people   ,   big   insects   ,   being   responsible   for   his   actions   .

*    𝑨𝑬𝑺𝑻𝑯𝑬𝑻𝑰𝑪𝑺   .

bare   feet   in   mornings   ,   neatly   folded   clothes   ,   an   organised   shoe   closet   ,   messy   sheets      &      an   unmade   bed   ,   missed   calls   at   2am   ,   highlighted   passages   in   a   book   ,   dogeared   pages   ,   unanswered   texts   ,   tucked   in   shirts   ,   unfinished   books   ,   warm   tea   ,   warm   jumpers   from   the   dryer   ,   odd   ceramic   mugs   ,   hidden   springs   of   water   ,   worn   out   military   boots   ,   fallen   leaves   during   autumn   ,   poetry   at   midnight   ,   sleepy   morning   voice   ,   unsent   letters   .

*   𝑩𝑰𝑶𝑮𝑹𝑨𝑷𝑯𝒀   .

               when   botswana   gained   its   independence   in   1966   ,   it   seemed   as   if   things   were   going   well   .   the   democracy   they   had   built   was   stable      &      it   appeared   as   if   the   land - locked   country   had   no   problems   ,      &      for   a   while   it   hadn’t   but   after   a   few   years   the   peace   in   the   government   started   to   dwindle   .   too   many   people   wanting   too   much   power   ,   somebody   said   .   they   jumped   in   feet   first   without   any   real   clue   how   to   run   a   country   ,   said   another   .   but   over   time   the   uninterrupted   tranquility   became   obsolete   .   botswana   was   slowly   going   down   a   sinkhole   until   1985   ,   when   the   south   african   king   titled   his   eldest   son   ,   arno   zulu   ,   the   king   of   botswana   .

                the   change   shook   the   botswanian   government   to   the   core   ,   a   change   that   it   needed   .   at   first   the   people   of   botswana   weren’t   sure   how   to   react      —      this   new   monarchy   was   something   nobody   had   expected   .   but   the   newly   crowned   king   had   ambition      &      he   had   stride   .   he   had   a   set   vision      &      a   set   plan   to   follow   ,   all   the   while   he   was   kind   to   his   people      &      a   fair   ruler   .   it   didn’t   take   as   long   as   he   expected   for   the   botswanians   to   settle   under   his   rule      (      not   being   given   the   south   african   throne   was   a   huge   knock   on   his   confidence   as   a   royal      )      so   the   speed   his   country   settled   was  ��comforting   .

                however   ,   the   king   could   never   forgive   his   father   for   throwing   away   his   right   to   the   throne      &      instead   promised   it   to   the   youngest   of   the   zulu   heirs   .   this   bitterness   ,   however   subsided   into   a   more   a   more   subtle   distaste   as   he   settled   into   his   new   role      &      a   short   few   years   later   ,   he   was   married   to   a   libyan   princess      &      not   too   long   after   that   ,   she   fell   pregnant   with   their   first   child   .   the   pregnancy   wasn’t   easy      ;      there   were   a   few   complications   along   the   way   but   after   only   8   months   of   carrying   him   ,   omari   malachi   zulu   was   born   .

                omari   wasn’t   by   any   standards   an   extraordinary   baby   .   his   birth   was   easy   ,   all   things   considered   but   as   the   first   born   child   of   the   king   of   botswana   ,   he   had   responsibilities   he   never   even   knew   he   had   .   the   country   accepted   him   with   open   arms      &      celebrated   his   birth   in   an   ornate   fashion   .   after   all   ,   he   was   the   first   born   child   of   their   first   king   .   streets   were   decorated   with   the   botswanian   flag      &      music   filled   the   streets   for   days   after   .   the   prince   was   a   vision   ,   as   many   called   him   .   he   looked   strikingly   similar   to   his   father   ,   even   small   features   like   the   dimples   in   his   cheeks      &      the   crease   between   his   eyebrows   as   he   smiled   .   for   months   botswana   was   full   of   joy      &      that   joy   started   to   bring   the   country   back   into   the   state   of   peace   they   had   at   the   very   start   of   their   independence   .

                   the   birth   of   their   future   king   gave   them   hope   .   stability   .      &      in   turn   they   treated   their   leaders   with   grace      &      kindness   ,   living   in   harmomy   .   it   was   almost   idyllic      ;      omari   grew   up   in   a   world   where   everyone   was   at   peace   as   opposed   to   just   a   few   years   before   he   was   born   .   he   had   everything   he   wanted      &      was   treated   with   respect   ,   so   he   treated   his   people   with   respect   in   return   .   he   grew   up   in   a   loving   household   ,   full   of   books      &      all   the   learning   tools   a   young   heir   could   need   ,      &      although   his   professor   was   hard   on   him   ,   omari   did   not   let   this   harden   him   .

                as   a   child   he   had   always   been   a   free   -   spirit      ;      he   was   intrigued   by   the   idea   of   traveling      &      had   read   about   all   the   places   in   the   books   from   the   palace’s   library      &      from   strangers   who   had   stayed   at   the   palace   in   passing   .   he   was   quite   content   ,   he   had   a   certain   mischievousness   which   often   caught   the   guards   out      &      a   long   string   of   jokes   that   could   keep   people   laughing   for   days   .   however   ,   for   a   child   living   in   such   a   large   expanse   it   was   incredibly   lonely   ,   so   it’s   to   be   expected   that   when   his   brother   was   born   ,   omari   was   over   the   moon   .

                the   pair   were   like   two   peas   in   a   pod      ;      where   you’d   see   one   ,   you’d   no   doubt   see   the   other   following   not   too   far   behind   .   they   grew   close   quickly      &      omari   was   fiercely   loyal   to   his   younger   brother   .   however   ,   much   like   any   ordinary   older   sibling   he   could   be   difficult   .   although   he   wasn’t   nasty   ,   he   was   a   bit   of   a   tyrant   .   causing   ruckus      &      playing   pranks   on   his   brother   was   omari’s   favourite   pastimes      &      although   they   had   their   disagreements   ,   he   did   it   with   love      &      there   was   very   little   omari   wouldn’t   do   for   him   .

                when   his   brother   was   born   ,   omari   learned   a   lesson   in   sharing   .   when   his   sister   was   born   ,   he   learned   a   lesson   in   protection   .   growing   up   he   was   educated   on   how   to   run   a   country   successfully      &      how   to   be   a   good   king   ,   but   nobody   taught   him   how   to   be   a   good   brother   .   sometimes   he   could   be   intolerant   to   who   he’d   often   call   the   ‘ bonus   zulu   children ’   just   to   irritate   them   ,   but   despite   his   annoying   habits   his   siblings   were   his   best   friends   .   they   filled   the   empty   void   that   would   otherwise   still   be   hollow   in   the   palace      &      on   stressful   days   ,   they’d   be   the   ones   to   aid   him   in   unwinding   .

                the   pressures   of   becoming   king   one   day   didn’t   truly   hit   full   force   until   he   hit   his   teenage   years   .   he   was   expected   to   set   a   prime   example   not   only   for   his   country   but   also   his   siblings   ,      &    although   he   did   a   good   job   at   being   generally   liked   by   his   peers    &      the   like   ,   he   realised   soon   enough   he’d   have   to   get   out   there      &      represent   his   country   ,   so   that’s   what   he   did   .   he   started   travelling   the   world      &      meeting   new   people      &      after   a   while   ,   he   went   to   college   .   someone   had   briefly   suggested   a   college   in   portugal   so   he   decided   to   go   there   ,   studying   literature      &      modern   language   .

                it   was   here   where   he   met   barbara   de   bragança   ,   being   in   college   at   the   same   time   as   she   was   getting   her   degree   .   due   to   his   royal   status   he   was   invited   to   stay   at   her   college   home      &      after   taking   the   opportunity   ,   the   two   quickly   became   close   friends   .   he   completed   his   education   in   portugal   before   he   jetted   off   to   carry   on   exploring   the   world   ,   however   he   never   lost   touch   with   barbie      &      he   started   to   become   more   responsible   as   he   prepared   to   one   day   be   king   .   while   on   his   travels   he   learned   a   lot   about   different   cultures      &      could   strike   up   a   conversation   with   anyone   over   anything   .

                give   or   take   a   few   years    &      his   family   asked   him   to   get   engaged   to   the   princess   of   hungary   ,   fanni   croÿ   .   the   arrangement   was   strange   given   they   already   had   a   history   but   due   to   it   being   for   the   benefit   of   botswana   he   agreed      &      then   they   were   engaged   .   however   ,   just   as   they   were   starting   to   figure   things   out   the   engagement   was   called   off      &      out   of   his   confusion   ,   omari   took   off   without   a   word   to   anyone      &      has   been   m.i.a   ever   since   ,   only   keeping   in   touch   with   a   short   selection   of   people   .

*     𝑷𝑬𝑹𝑺𝑶𝑵𝑨𝑳𝑰𝑻𝒀   .

omari   is   a   lover   of   adventure      &      experiencing   new   things   .   people   might   call   him   a   thrill   seeker   ,   but   he   just   believes   that   a   life   without   experiencing   everything   you   can   isn’t   a   life   worth   living   .   he   enjoys   learning   new   things      &    is   always   keen   on   hearing   different   opinions   to   benefit   his   own   ,   however   he   can   come   across   as   being   quite   opinionated   when   it   comes   to  ��his   own   thoughts      &    he’s   not   afraid   to   speak   his   mind   ,   which   sometimes   got   him   into   trouble   when   he   was   younger   but   has   earned   him   great   respect   as   he   grew   older   .

                in   general   ,   omari   is   kind      &      thoughtful   .   he’s   been   influenced   a   lot   by   his   father’s   way   of   ruling   the   country      &      is   a   firm   believer   that   you   should   treat   people   the   way   you   expect   to   be   treated   ,   but   he’s   not   afraid   to   stand   his   ground   when   he   needs   to   or   protect   those   that   he’s   closest   to   .   when   it   comes   to   his   family      &    his   close   friends   ,   omari   will   go   to   the   ends   of   the   earth   for   them   even   if   it   was   just   to   bring   them   a   pretzel   from   europe   .   he   values   them   a   lot      &      is   extremely   loyal   to   them   .

                however   ,   omari   can   be   quite   flaky      &      fickle   .   when   it   comes   to   making   decisions   regarding   his   country   ,   he’s   very   clever   in   his   approach    &    makes   sure   it’s   the   best   decision   but   when   it   comes   to   his   personal   life   ,   he’s   not   very   good   at   all      &      often   has   to   seek   advice   from   other   people   just   to   make   the   correct   decision   .   he   dislikes   situations   that   are   too   messy   ,   which   is   one   of   the   few   reservations   he   has   about   being   king   because   he   knows   he’ll   be   stuck   in   some   but   he’s   working   on   his   habit   of   fleeing   before   the   situation   gets   too   bad      &   instead   striving   to   resolve   them   .

                he   can   be   pretty   mischievous   ,   since   when   he   was   younger   he’d   often   play   pranks   on   the   guards      &    his   siblings   just   to   ,   as   he   used   to   say   ‘ pass   the   time ’   so   although   he’s   someone   you   can   trust   with   your   secrets   ,   he’s   not   someone   you   can   trust   not   to   scare   the   living   daylights   out   of   you   the   next   chance   he   gets   .   he   loves   to   have   fun      &    is   slightly   worried   that   when   he   becomes   king   all   the   fun   he’s   having   now   will   no   longer   exist   ,   but   following   in   his   father’s   footsteps   is   something   he’s   always   been   keen   in   doing      &      seeing   how   well   he’s   doing   pushes   him   to   do   the   same   .

                although   his   father   isn’t   so   bothered   anymore   by   the   fact   that   he   was   ,   as   omari   sees   it   thrown   to   the   side   for   his   younger   brother   ,   omari   is   extremely   bitter   about   it   .   even   though   he   loves   botswana      &      its   people   ,   he   still   heavily   believes   that   since   his   father   is   the   oldest   of   the   zulu   heirs   ,   he’s   rightfully   in   line   for   the   south   african   throne   so   the   fact   that   his   uncle   ,   who’s   little   over   ten   years   older than   him   never   fails   to   stir   up   troubling   thoughts      &      now   that   his   grandfather   has   fallen   ill   ,   he   sees   this   as   an   opportunity   to   start   conflict   with   his   uncle   .

*   𝑼𝑷𝑫𝑨𝑻𝑬   .

ok   i’m   literally   just   gonna   bullet   point   the   things   that   have   changed   for   him   bc   i’m   too   lazy   to   go   back      &      edit   this   entire   bio   sdfkjdnsjkg

but   u   guys   already   know   gramps   is   dead   ,   which   means   ayo   is   king   ,   which   means   the   cousins   failed   in   their   attempts   smh

mari   was   slightly   bitter   after   the   coronation   ,   but   it   only   lasted   for   a   short   while   ,   bc   news   hit   him   that   his   father   wasn’t   very   well   ,   which   meant   that   mari   would   have   to   step   up      &      do   more

i’m   gonna   say   to   save   confusion   that   he   just   wasn’t   doing   enough   .   he   rarely   got   involved   with   political   moves   ,   so   that’s   crucial   now   since   his   father   can’t   cope   as   usual

so   i   don’t   rly   know   how   this   will   affect   him   ,   it’ll   either   make   him   kick   his   ass   into   gear      &      do   shit   with   his   life   or   he’ll   get   so   stressed   he’ll   have   a   break   down

WHO   KNOWS

[all-things-skam]

Title: I don’t want you to see me like this

Ship: Skam France | Lucas Lallemant and Eliot Demaury (Elu)

_______________

When Lucas returned from his coffee rendez-vous with Lucille, Eliott hadn't budged much from where he was when Lucas left the flatshare. He was curled up on himself, facing the window. Behind him, the covers were left in the same way that Lucas had pushed them when he got out of bed.

A smile curled on his lips, content to see that Eliott was still there and hadn't left while he was gone. After waking up three times out of four without Eliott by his side, a part of Lucas is always a bit paranoid that he'll flee without warnings - again.

Removing his jacket, he noticed that everyone was still asleep. What did he expect, it was Saturday morning. Mika went clubbing till 2am, Manon was at Emma's and Lisa...well, Lisa was a big sleeper. She would sleep all day if she could.

Taking advantage of the morning quietness, Lucas crossed the living to sit on the pull out couch, installing himself beside Eliott, back propped against some pillows, and pulled out his literature textbook, making good use of his spare time. He had a test coming next week and he'd rather not fail. Especially so close to the bac.

Mika emerged out of his room around ten to make himself a cup of coffee. His eyes were barely open as he stumbled into the kitchen, still tired from his night out. He saw the young couple from the corner of his eyes, Eliott sleeping soundly and Lucas reading, and smiled. Coming home to seeing the two sleeping on the pull out couch had been a nice surprise.

It was about noon when Lucas felt Eliott stir on the bed. He put down his textbook and caressed Eliott's back gently, encouraging him to wake up. The older one moaned in protest, not ready to wake up yet. Lucas chuckled fondly. The previous times they had shared a bed, Eliott was always up first and he never got to experience this.

Eliott blinked his eyes open, groaning at the sunlight coming from the large window of the living room. He rolled over to avoid the light and hid his face into Lucas's blue pillow for a moment, recovering from the harsh brightness.

The hand on his back ceased its movement and Eliott glanced up, catching Lucas's eyes on him and immediately looking away. ''I need to leave,'' he declared, voice hoarse and small.

''What? No.'' Lucas pulled his eyebrows, scooting closer. ''Stay,'' he added, almost begging. He hadn't seen Eliott in almost a week, Lucas wasn't ready to let him go.

He shook his head, messy hair sticking up here in and there from turning around during the night. ''I have to go. I have to go see my parents.'' Eliot paused, releasing a breath. ''I've worried them enough.''

His disappearance gave them quite a fright. Ever since his parents moved and allowed Eliott to live by himself in Paris, their daily worrying about their son had increased. They didn't doubt Eliott could take care of himself for daily life things. He knew how to cook - semi-cook -, do laundry and vacuum clean. What they were worried about was him spiraling out of control and having a manic episode while by himself. Or, his destructive thoughts winning.

Having ran away before, Eliott had learned to leave his phone at home. It's not like it was charged anyway. The device was probably still on his nightstand with very low or no battery life. The texts and phone calls were easy to ignore, but Lucille had once found him through 'track my phone' and Eliott hadn't been happy about that.

From that day on, he made sure to leave it at home.

Last night, though, Eliott wanted to be found. But, not by anyone. He wanted Lucas to find him. And he did.

Now, as the demons inside his mind had calmed down, he felt bad for worrying his parents. He still didn't want to see them, feeling suffocated by their overprotective behavior, but they deserved to know he was safe.

''They know you're here,'' Lucas informed. ''With me.''

'Lucille told them,' he almost added, but figured Eliott didn't want to hear about his ex.

Not saying anything, Eliott sat up, holding the yellow comforter against his stomach, fingers clutching the soft fabric as memories from La Petite Ceinture flooded his mind. Lucas running up to him, hugging him, kissing his face and drying his tears. The long bus ride to the flatshare and Lucas holding him in the bus. Lucas helping him out of his wet clothes and getting him dry ones before making the bed for them. It all started flooding in and a lump formed in his stomach.

As much as Eliott would've liked to stay at the flatshare with Lucas, leaving was the best option. The only option. He felt good with Lucas and he didn't want it to change. His bipolarity had caused many losses in his life and he doesn't think he could handle losing what he has with Lucas.

There was not doubts, Lucas was strong and had lots of will regarding their relationship, but would he be able to handle it? Being in a relationship with someone who is bipolar isn't a walk in the park. Most of the time Eliott wasn't even able to handle his own dark thoughts and impulsive behavior. How could Lucas?

''I...I can't stay here.''

The insistence bothered the young one. Why was Eliott so keen on leaving? Did he not feel good here, with him? Did he change his mind about them?

Lucas scooted down on the bed and sat so he could face Eliott. ''Why do you want to leave so bad?'' he demanded, searching for Eliott's eyes, the blue-gray irises dull in color. ''I'm not forcing you to stay. I just want to understand.''

Eliott swallowed thickly, his Adam apple bobbing. He had never felt more naked than at this moment. So little people knew about his mental illness and he had never talked openly and honestly about it to anyone before. It was a taboo subject, something he kept from everybody.

Sensing his uncomfortableness, Lucas laced their fingers together as he stared into his empty eyes, still red from last night's tears that stained his cheeks.

''I don't want you to see me like this. All...sad and down,'' Eliott admitted, ashamed of his uncontrollable behavior. ''This is the me I hide from people, the part of myself that I hate the most. T-the part of myself I hate so much that I almost took my own life one year ago...'' Eliott's voice cracked and his bottom lip quivered, eyes filling with tears at the memories.

Heart breaking at the heavy confession, Lucas wanted to pull Eliott in his arms and squeeze him tight. Instead, he squeezed his hand and kissed it.

''I don't expect you to be happy all the time. Even I am not like that. It's humanly impossible,'' Lucas rationalized. ''I don't care if you're lively or down. I'd rather have you here and sleep all day than not having you in my life at all.''

A tiny smile curled on Eliott's lips. It wasn't a full smile, just a curl of his mouth, but it was enough.

In order to lighten up the air, Lucas nudged him. ''You liar.'' Eliott frowned at the sudden accusation and the brunet pursued. ''I thought you couldn't sleep next to me, yet, here you are, taking naps.''

Eliott rolled his eyes. ''You're an idiot.''

Lucas beamed at his boyfriend. ''I'm your idiot.''

In any other circumstance, Eliott would've cringed and shoved him away, but, as they sat in bed, bathing in the sunlight and warmth of the blankets, Eliott accepted his boyfriend's dumbness. It's not like he was any better with the cheesiness. After all, he was the one who texted Lucas song lyrics and made drawings with their spirit animals.

''What should we do now?'' Eliott asked.

He didn't feel like doing anything beside sleeping, not having much energy, but didn't want to make Lucas watch him sleep all day.

''I think that we should say 'hi' properly,'' Lucas suggested, having not had his good morning kiss yet. ''What do you think?''

Despite how grumpy he could be in the morning, Lucas was such a needy baby with Eliott. Always asking for morning kisses and cuddles.

It was okay though, because Eliott was the same.

''I can do that.''

Lucas leaned in and they kissed, sweet and loving, Eliott's fingers releasing their grip on the blanket, feeling his anxiety leave his mind as their lips touched.

''Good morning.''

Lucas chuckled, brushing their noses together. ''It's past noon. It's no longer morning.''

Eliott shrugged carelessly and pressed his face in Lucas's shoulder, the familiar scent of Lucas filling his nose as he nuzzled the grey fabric of his shirt. He had missed him so much. This week apart had been difficult for Eliott. He had been forced to detach himself from Lucas completely although he was craving his touch. He wanted nothing more than to be close to him, to be held by him during his deep and lonely sadness.

The gesture made Lucas smile.

He will always come back to you.

Be there for him. But, only when he wants or needs it.

Lucas wrapped his arms around Eliott and pressed sweet kisses on his cheek and jaw, responding to his boyfriend's demand of affection.