#its just the neverending strive to be better.

[autism-corner]

i should learn how to draw maybe

[flockrest]

Hi, another lurking anon. I kept re-reading "Cooking is Communal" post- sorry if that's not the title. I was very curious on your views of Revali's lonely nature (his personality). He feels somewhat abstract to the rito culture...? Or I might be reading into it too much.. And based on the AU- where he is brought back to life, would Tulin try to look for a way to break that lonely aspect of his? I would ask more? But I do not want to overlwhelm. But thank you so much for the posts you do about the Ritos though, its always an enjoyable experience and makes me think a bit more.

hi, welcome! no need to apologise for anything, very glad the post ( which can be called anything you see fit ) resonated with you to a point where you'd follow up on it! and oh boy. you are not reading too much into it, i have A Lot to say about revali and whatever the heck he's got going on with him and his Issues — of which his loneliness is a huge part of — and how that interplays with his people's culture and his love for them as a whole.

just to preface before we get into it: thank you lots for sending this in and for your kind words!! genuinely, it makes me beyond happy to know that my rambling is appreciated ♡ don't be afraid to ask me more if you'd like, i promise you won't overwhelm me because i'm a verified sucker for discussing meta in-depth!

i touched on this in the tags of the mentioned post but to me, pre-calamity revali does come across as someone who denies a lot of things ( very evident ingame ) and also denies himself of a lot of things — especially when it comes to anything that could be significant interpersonally! there's very clear implications that he's been lonely, if not completely alone, for a great bulk of his life; there are even clearer walls he's built up to cope with this and ensure that nobody can ever see or acknowledge this.

to paraphrase some old disco ramblings: he feels like someone who clings so damn hard onto this image he's carefully crafted for himself to present to others — presented for so long that it's not just a second skin so much as it is something deeply embedded — so that nobody can possibly suspect he is in any way lacking. not in skills, or grit, or the ability to be anything but most especially a champion.

or, you know, in any meaningful company at all.

and he just doesn't have the resources, emotionally or otherwise, to really let any of that peek through? he is so vehemently against this idea that he is not enough for anyone, including himself — admitting that he's lacking in any sense aligns with that. there's this line from when i was still testing him out that still stands out to me because i think it really just captures him in this context nicely:

Revali was born chosen by no one. He learnt, very quickly, to choose himself. And now, here he is.

we will never know for sure what his early life was like! but given the hints, there like. had to be a point where he accepted all the hurts of being alone, where he stopped earnestly trying to seek company and approval and being wanted from/by others because the only constant he had was himself. all he needs, an idea that forms at an early age and follows him into older youth, is himself — he can't be unreliable, he can't be conditional.

i think by that time, his seeking turns into something more like ensuring, if i'm making sense? like i don't doubt he's always strived for neverending self-improvement — half-out of a legitimate want to be better and half-out of a desire for attention — but now he's determined to make a name for himself, to make anything for himself, so that nobody can ever skip their gaze over him again. this isn't look at me, this is don't ever look away.

so he just. won't seriously admit to himself that he wants anything more from anyone pre-botw, which constrains any effort — from others or himself — to get closer, and like...be real with each other. to form an actual relationship. he still feels these desires, he just refuses to acknowledge them and it makes me want to shake him in a jar!! self-isolation at its finest! he puts up grandiose airs and all this pomp, because who else can he trust to do it for him! who else can he trust to see his "real worth", even as that's exactly what he's trying to get others to do! this guy is not okay!!

and! regarding rito village and their culture back then: i don't think it deviates from what i currently have in mind for them, but pre-calamity rito village feels like...it is not the same as post-calamity rito village. i think their flock was definitely bigger in that there were more people present and settled in those peaks in revali's era ( compared to both dineli's or tulin's ), so while core values and teachings remain unchanged, the sense of community does not.

it's always intense, but like. post-calamity rito village had to deal with the severe loss and trauma that calamity ganon wrought with him, which tinges their emphasis on togetherness with a touch of this is essential to our survival ( which may actually be a repeat of what happened with dineli's flock, mid- and post-the imprisoning war ). when revali was born, i feel like the community was much like a rural town with the ties the villagers had with each other; when he died, it was more like a covert — in that the world is suddenly way smaller and everybody is connected to everybody for their own preservation. and this is carried on to future generations, a lasting idea of flocking together is above all a priority, even for their travellers who leave the village behind for extended periods of time. i. honestly think this might count as intergenerational trauma?

( seriously, they are not a long-lived folk, yet the calamity has left such an indelible mark on them?? i'm so emo about how revali did not ask for a memorial, he asked for the flight range because it would be useful for him in the present and also for his people in the future, but they gave him this tragic permanency anyway. it's not a celebration of what he did, it's a commemoration to what he couldn't do; saki literally says, of revali's landing, "so named in the hope that none might forget the events of that horrible day". what a mournful way to frame it?! )

that is all to say: it's very plausible that the rito village revali grew up in would allow a solitary, neglected or orphaned fledgling to slip through the cracks. and maybe it's only initially, maybe it's just too late, maybe the fledgling then coats his own cracks over with a self-made balm and decides he won't let anybody make him feel lonely again and shuts himself entirely off, but. as i mentioned in the other study post, his lack of relationships wasn't always his fault, though it probably becomes so as he grows much older.

AND THE THING IS, revali doesn't stop caring about everyone ( and when i say everyone, i mean his people ). he can't! he can convince himself that he has no care for their affections ( and sometimes, he even fails this. he even fails this. i think about that diary entry where he talks about proving himself to the world when "the world" has done shit all for him, and i think about how a good percentage of his perception of "the world" was still narrowed down to his home then ), but he still loves them a great amount.

( to clarify: he cares for them the way you'd care for someone from a distance. you don't really know them, and you probably or would probably get along with them even less, yet you want to keep them around anyway. )

that's just something he's been raised with, steeped in because it's part of his culture, and also just. he's seen practically everything his village has to offer: perhaps all the worst parts in living through the bitterness of being lonely amongst a flock, but also all the best parts! sorry, i know i went absolutely off on how isolated he must've been and felt, but realistically his life couldn't have all been utterly miserable. fleeting joys are still joys! shallow connection is still connection! that came out harsher than i meant but the point is he genuinely loves his home and culture and people, even if his way of proving it is unhealthy and derives from a place that he definitely needs to go to therapy for ( i.e. his love for them is bound to his perceived self-worth. he has to "earn" his "right" to love them by excelling at what he does best, by being special enough, because he's unconditional with himself but they aren't! they aren't )!!

vaguely related, but this is, for me, why he never stops chasing achievements in combat. like ever. it's why rest/inaction forced by his severe injuries in the au where he survives is debilitating in more ways than one and emotionally frays him to a near-breakdown-turned-actual-breakdown. speaking of that, though!

yes!! yes, yes, tulin would absolutely be doing his best to bring revali back into their fold and make sure he stays there! you can see it in-play in my first thread with buck ( whose positively glorious revali can be found @/galestrings ♡ ); he's a kid who just so wholeheartedly believes in revali's goodness, refuses to not see the best of all his qualities, and so incessantly follows after him to Bond!!

i won't speak too much on this because i do want to continue seeing it play out with any revalis who would be willing to explore this with my tulin, but in connecting with him — even on a surface-level — i imagine that might provide a bridge to connecting with the rest of the village too! ( and it doesn't have to start with tulin, but i like my master-disciple bonds too much to let it not, in the case of my take on revali asflsd )

ANYWAY YEAH, that's what i have to say on this stupid bird vis-a-vis his loneliness!! god if you made it here without skipping over anything, i'm blowing you some friendly kithes. mwah mwah! hope i haven't chased you away with this, i'd love to hear your thoughts and receive more questions if you were so curious! thank you so much again for sending this in!! ♡

[sleepyivoryrose]

All my interests seem to fall into a curse of some kind - Bandai Namco is holding .hack// hostage, Blue Period had an awful anime adaptation (even though the live action one looks really promising, but its not my cup of tea), the GANGSTA mangaka got really sick and couldn't end the series (as far as I'm informed) and now the mangaka of the TAD manga might go to prison...i hope it's fake news, but I've seen in on tumblr and on twitter...

...on the other hand...the animal crossing rumor that next game is going to be completely in a city made its rounds and persisted for quite some time...

Hm....hm....HMMMM!!

Man, I guess it's just more motivation to keep making fanart of some sort.

At least Pokemon and Animal Crossing are thriving as always. You can't mess with the power of cute, no you don't.

---

Right now I am in a bit of a slump, creative wise...like the ocean, it seems to have it's tides. I have been submerged into the depths of it for long enough, it's time to at least try to fight back against...well, against this stagnation.

But how do I do that? I am not strong willed, or very smart, or at least disciplined in some way or another. Organizing myself is also not exactly my forte.

Maybe it's time to work on my drawing and writing techniques. More learning oriented, yknow?

Now I've got at least time, if anything else, might as well to put it to good use.

I tend to be endlessly stuck in the clutches of the neverending cycle of posts of social media.

But how else am I supposed to observe and learn? I could go outside, but my most interesting subject, people, is, well...I'm too socially awkward and not very sly to start people watching. Some might even take offense to being used as reference material. No, I can't do it.

Procastination is the greatest enemy of creative progress. Boredom in itself, on the other hand...

--

One of my favorite books dropped a line once: "Forge your blade in the fires of your wrath, that will be your strength." I'm tired of running from my feelings. I want to feel alive. And I will use those feelings, to run ever forward.

It will not be easy though. Many times I will fall to lethargy and feel hopeless and alone. But I will rise. Sooner or later, I'll get up again, and keep running.

Working with my feelings in a productive matter seems to be the best outlet for now.

Take all this frustration and anger, and produce something meaningful out of it. Confront myself with these ugly manifestations, and gain the ability to not drown in them.

It's scary. Not only because the feelings itself are creepy, but the things and people who provoke these feelings will always be there, and they will not be happy to see my true self.

They seem to forget that my illness is nothing to sneeze at. That I am plagued with thoughts and feelings I wished I could bury ten feet under. Contradictory thoughts and feelings, that slowly convince me that this ugly beast that lurks inside me is the real me.

These are difficult times. And if my old me could at least one thing well, is survive a crisis, acting when everyone is frozen in fear.

Keeping a cool head, even if things seem chaotic and scary at first.

And that's what I will do now. I will strive to be the version of myself I want to be. Even if nobody understands me, or hates me. It's always been like that anyways. I just need to get strong again.

---

But to end this entry in a less intense note...

Last days were rainy like crazy. That makes me happy, the temperature is nice, if, of course, humid, but I got almost used to listening to the rain while falling asleep. It's better than the almost absolute silence there is sometimes. On the weekends, just like this, do happen to be a lot of party people walking by, singing or screaming, completely wasted. It's comforting, as long as you are in the safe haven of your room.

--

Okay, I think that's it for today!

[jameui]

SPECIAL PRESENT 2

Requested

part 1 | part 2 | part 3

PAIRING: Sugar Daddy!Jung Yunoh x College Student!M!Reader (featuring: Bestfriend!Lee Jeno)

GENRE: Fluff, Smut

WARNINGS: Unprotected intercourse, huge age gap, a lot of IMPORTANT flashbacks (i think), daddy kink, sex toys, overstimulation

SUMMARY: You were a striving student in Resonance High and had perfect records. Besides your devotion to your education, you were also gifted with a talent. All these stuffs making your sugar daddy, Jaehyun, proud of you, so he decided to give you a night you won't forget.

He gave Jeno an acknowledging nod for looking out for you for him and carried your smaller body with your legs wrapped around his waist like you were an eight year old. "You asleep, baby?" You buried your head on the crook of his neck and shook them 'no'. "Alright. Cause I don't want dinner going to waste." He made you giggle while you hugged his body tighter that were hanging over his shoulders.

He pulled the door to the passenger's seat and gently seats you down on the comfy chair. He closed the door for you before moving to his side of the car. The driver's. He got inside and made himself comfortable, just as you were putting on your seatbelt. "Are we good to go?"

"Yeap. I'm starving already." You said patting your tummy.

He chuckled with his deep voice that you always find so hot and fascinating. "Were you practicing 'til the late night, again?" He asked you, concern lingering on the tone of his voice.

"Yeah. I stayed with Jeno, though. He was a better mentor, in full honesty." You pouted. "Ah, right. The mentor told me I made him proud." You said like a puppy who was complimented by their owner.

"He did, huh?" He said, before he raised his hand from the steering wheel and patted your head. "I'm more proud of you." You smiled and felt all your insides go giddy as you wiggled cutely on your seat.

You drove through houses and past buildings before you arrived at the older man's house. You were in your first year of college when you ran away from your family's house and moved to a more far off place, somewhere they wouldn't be able to track you down. To support yourself, you rented a room in a boarding house, but had to eventually leave due to you having not enough money to pay for the rent. You tried so hard looking for a job and you did, but it didn't last long. Although, you were paid a good amount of money that helped you with your house renting and food. Of course, you found a very unstable job again, but was fired for your poor performance. Yet again, you were forced to leave the the place you rented and even thought of actually working at a gay bar. Not until you stumbled upon, your now bestfriend, Jeno who offered you a shared room with him in his apartment, which you gladly took.

Jeno was one of your coworkers that you never really got to interact with, so seeing now that he's your roommate, you had to eventually get to know him more and you two grew closer together, becoming the best of friends that you two are now. It was quite coincidental that you two were studying at the same university, so it was a shock for the both of you. You two were roommates 'til the end of your first year, when you met Jaehyun on that faithful day, who was generous enough to invite you to live under the same roof as him. At first, you were very hesitant, but with the agreement he had set between you two, who were you to refuse? Like you said before, you were only up for it because of the money and pleasure.

"Daddy?" You called out to him. In the agreement, you were free to call him anything you wanted if you two were in public, but when it's just the two of you, that nickname should be the one used AND only that. He hummed in reply as his eyes never left the rear view mirror, parking the car in the garage. "Do you ever... er, I know it's a very unnecessary question, but..." You chuckled with hurt on your voice. "... Do you ever get tired of me?"

Jaehyun didn't say anything after he had parked the car. You two only sat there, Jaehyun turning the car engine off, then sighed. "Baby, listen." You were once about to speak again, but he cut you off. "I want to tell you something." The tone in his voice made your heart beat faster, more scared than that recent experience at the dance studio. He held your hand, your eyes falling on them before trailing them up to Jaehyun's who was looking deeply into your E/c orbs. "Don't think of it badly, but a few days into the relationship, I really did thought I wish I shouldn't have met you."

And there it goes. The heartbreak you had always deserved, but his hold on your hand never loosened, rather it tightened and his eyes softening when he noticed your eyes start to prick with tears. "I said, don't think badly about it, M/n."

"How could I not when you're literally breaking my heart?!"

"Baby, let me explain." Jaehyun told you, you letting out a huff.

"Then, explain and if you want to end all this, then just say so. I don't want to get my hopes up." You whined and crossed your arms.

Jaehyun chuckled. "Before I met you, I was always on my desk. Every single day, thinking of nothing, but only work." You side eyed him and huffed, again. "But, now that you're here, you're the only person filling up that space in my mind. All I could ever think of was you and only you. Your smile, your sweet giggles, the way your voice sounded so angelic when you sing, everything about you spiraled in my head, neverending." He softly told you, putting a hand on your thighs that was clothed with the long pants you wore. "You never came to me as just a responsibility anymore. You were my top, number 1, only priority. Now, I regret ever thinking like that."

"Stop, you're gonna make me cry." You shoved your hand on his face to shut him up, to which the older resorted to tickling you. You bursted into fits of laughter not stopping until you two were finally out of breathe. Your eyes locked with each other, your chest heaving up and down, Jaehyun still yet to stop from his chuckling. Once his chuckling died down, you couldn't contain it in yourself anymore and hungrily pressed your lips on his, moving to his side of the car to straddle his thighs.

Jaehyun was taken by surprise from your sudden action, but replied quite faster than you thought. His hands slid down to your ass, kneading it through your pants making you moan in pleasure, Jaehyun using this as a chance to slip his tongue inside your wet cavern mixing his saliva with yours as he danced with your tongue, taking dominance very easily.

His hands went further up your body, sending tingles down your spine making you shudder in your place. He pulled away from your lips, a string of a transparent liquid connecting both of you, whilst his dark brown eyes gazing at you with nothing, but lust deep within those orbs that stared into your soul. "You look so sexy, baby." He told you, before he sloppily placed wet kisses on your jaw, down to your neck making sure to leave hickeys that will be visible for days. The contact of his soft lips on your skin made you sigh shakily from the pleasure he was giving you. He caressed your soft skin from under your large shirt and found its way up to your erect nipples that he always fondly played with whenever you found yourselves in this same exact situation.

An unconscious loud, high pitched noise came out of your mouth, Jaehyun swelling with pride as he smirked, teeth grazing the supple flesh of your neck. "D-daddy.. Mmnh~" You hummed out in pleasure, your hands tangling themselves on Jaehyun's unkempt hair, your head completely empty, but the thought of how the man made you feel so good. "Daddy~"

The way the nickname rolled out your tongue in a very sensual way, earned you a growl from the older male before he bit on that sensitive part of your skin making you scream out a loud moan. He licked on that same area, sucking on it while doing so. Your eyes were half lidded when you felt something under you poke your thighs. He was hard.

Teasingly, you traced your fingers over his clothed member and played with the tip to drive him over the edge. "Stop teasing, baby boy. You know what happens to bad boys, right?" He whispered seductively into your ears, his hot breathe hitting your skin briefly, a minty scent filling your nose.

"Yes, daddy." You nodded your head meekly.

"That's a good boy. Now get to work." He ordered you as you moved back towards your seat in a kneeling position and ducking down to become face to face with the male's crotch. Even from now, you still couldn't get over the fact how he was so huge and how long his dick was. You were still yet to learn how this will fit inside of you. "Come on, baby. Time's a wasting."

You nodded your head submissively and reached over the waistband of his sweatpants and peeled them off only to discover that he was bare on the inside, his sweatpants the only thing that kept his bottom half covered. "Did you expect this to happen, daddy?" You smirked, placing kitten licks on the tip of his semi-erect cock. "You're so hot, daddy." You said, looking up at him while you rested your head on his thighs.

"Baby, please." He begged of you, eyes furrowing.

You smirked before you trailed a small lick from his balls up to his tip, making Jaehyun groan throughout the time he entangled in his hand a fistful of your hair. You can't help, but let a moan slip past your tongue as you continued to place kisses on the head of his cock. You glanced up at him only to see him viewing you with so much lust in his eyes. You understood this as a sign to stop your teasing and wrapped your lips around the head of his cock taking in only a few inches that you could fit into your mouth, using your tongue that sent shivers down Jaehyun's spine as he groaned from the pleasure you gave him.

But, this time, you wanted to make him feel better. You wanted to know how far you can go. You were determined to exert yourself to your maximum limit, so you took all of his cock into your mouth, not even bothering how much you choked around his dick when he reached further down your throat. Upon this, Jaehyun howled. He didn't expect you to take him whole, since you were basically only playing with the head of his member, so this was rather unexpected. "That's right, baby. Make daddy feel good."

You helped yourself first to fully adjust to his size, swallowing around him that made your throat tighten causing to send pleasure through Jaehyun's nerves making him groan out in pleasure, hissing out cusses that made your ego swell with pride as you started to bob your head painfully slowly for Jaehyun's liking.

Occasionally you would look up at Jaehyun who had his head tilted backwards, eyes shut, sighing from the familiar sensation you gave him while he let you do your work. He would take his head back down to you, to peer over you who sucked on his dick like it was a lollipop. "Fuck, baby. Faster."

You followed his command and went a little faster, earning a groan from the lust filled male as he started to guide your head. You stilled yourself, giving him the signal that he can go at his own pace. And so he did. But, you didn't expect that he'd fuck your mouth at a very rough pace.

You held onto his thighs to balance yourself, your eyes rolling back from how much you felt good with just your mouth getting fucked by Jaehyun. The older male grunted and laughed darkly whispering a few curses, letting out chains of groans and sighs that he couldn't help from passing his lips.

His pace didn't stop from increasing its speed, until it became an animalistic pace that made tears fall from your eyes, face reddening at how much stimulation he had put on your mouth. "Fuck, fuck! Baby, your mouth feels so good!"

He peeked over you and saw your eyes staring back at him, as you felt his dick grow bigger in size from inside your mouth. Your eyes were both locked together as he continued to buck his hips inhumanely inside your mouth. "M/n~ Ah~" He moaned out your name, but he was still not near to reaching his climax as he continued to let himself fuck your mouth. You were sure your throat will be sore the day after, but you could careless. This felt like heaven to you and you didn't want anything to stop you.

He finally stopped his harsh movements, letting you move at a pace you can handle. You used your tongue to swirl around his cock, making Jaehyun hiss, knitting his eyebrows causing the small creases on his forehead to appear. "Hah..."

To drive him over the edge more, you continued to suck on the sensitive part of his cock, which was the tip that was now leaking with precum. You slid your tongue over the slit of the bulbous tip of his dick, tasting the saltiness of the juice he produced with your help.

He was so over his head, that he let out a loud curse when his phone started ringing. "Don't stop, baby." You complied, his hand intertwining with the strands of your hair. You repeated the routine and got no reaction from the older male, but you can clearly see that he was just trying to restrain himself from letting out a moan. Feeling challenged, you bobbed your head up and down on his dick going faster and faster each time his tip hit the back of your throat.

Jaehyun, who was still on his phone, smirked down at you at how needy you are for his attention. So, he placed his hands back to your hair and singlehandedly pushed you you even further that made you let out a choked out gasp, but gradually grew accustomed to it, after he gave your head one final push, burying his dick inside your mouth thick spurts of his cum travelling down your throat, some dripping down your mouth. He thrusted a few more times to ride out his high before he let you pull away with a loud pop.

He finally hung up the call and caressed your cheeks, leaning in to whisper. "You did great, baby." He smiled down at you and that's how you eventually fell asleep, forgetting about the dinner that Jaehyun had prepared for the both of you.

Nonetheless, Jaehyun fixed himself up and carried you to his room. He laid you down on the soft mattress of the bed, pulling the sheets over your body before he gives your forehead a small lingering kiss. "Sweet dreams, my little angel." He said, then got up to to turn the lights off, happily watching you sleep one last time, before he went downstairs to finish his work.

The morning after, just as expected, you felt a sting on your throat every time you swallowed or even talk making your voice sound hoarse from the sore throat you were having. Jaehyun kept on apologizing, even though you kept on telling him that it was alright and that it wasn't his fault, but he still insisted and promised you to cook your favorite meal for dinner. Knowing the taller male, you knew there was no way around this, so you just gave in and nodded your head. He was also kind enough to let you hide his bite mark.

"I didn't know your voice could go that deep." Jeno teased you, poking the side of your ribs.

You slapped his hands away. "Fuck you." Your voice came out airy and raspy, sound almost like a broken croak, making you sigh. "Gah... I feel like I shouldn't have—ah—done that a day before the performance." You said, wincing when you felt that rising pain on your throat as you rubbed them to try and ease the sting that was fucking killing you.

"Guess, it's good that I don't do the sucking." Jeno chuckled that made you widen your eyes.

"Who—"

"Lee fucking Jeno. AH!" A rather harsh sounding voice, emitted from behind the said male, taking his attention before he smiled.

"Nana! You came!" Jeno opened his arms and ran to the boy, but he was pushed away by him making Jeno pout.

"Shut the fuck up, Jeno." He groaned and pinched the bridge of his nose, sighing. "You gave me this sore throat." He glared at Jeno. "And, of course I came. After you fucking threatened me to—"

"Yeah, yeah. That's enough, Jaemin." Jeno said, covering the person's mouth. Jeno took his hand back as quick as lightning, when Jaemin licked on the palm of his hand, a smirk forming on his face. "Gross!"

Jeno was wiping his hands when you rolled your eyes and held a hand at Jaemin for him to shake. "M/n. L/n M/n. A 'friend' of my friend, is a friend of mine. Nice to meet you." You greeted him, Jaemin chuckling at the same exact situation you were in.

"What a top, huh?" Jaemin said, before he shook your hand. "Na Jaemin. Pleased to meet you." He smiled at you while Jeno pulled both your hands away from each other.

"HEY!"

"No. Just no!" Jeno told you both, while knitting your brows in confusion at him. "Jaemin. You're only mine."

"Of course, he's yours. I don't plan on taking him away from you. I just want to be friends." You said in reply to Jeno's statement who pouted. "Besides, I'm not as handsome as you, Jeno, so I can't compete with you."

"I don't mind cute boys." Jaemin crossed his arms, teasing Jeno and probably you, as well as a blush started to paint your cheeks.

"HEY!" Jeno yelled at Jaemin who rolled his eyes before he gave you a wink and walked off. Jeno glared at you and narrowed his eyes. "Mine. Jaemin's mine."

"Then, take him. Geez Luis, Jeno. I already have my own." You stuck your tongue out at him before you went to the studio to change into the costume you were to wear. You waited for your turn, a makeup stylist approaching you to put make up on you. "Oh." You said and the stylist just smiled and started to dab foundation onto your face that matched your skin tone. She gave you a small amount of blush on, giving you an eyeliner and a dark brown eyeshadow to give your eyes a fiery look to match the concept of your performance.

She immediately packed her things up and moved to another student, you giving her a bow as she left. "Wow, look at you. I didn't even recognize it was you." Jeno teased with his arms crossed across his chest.

You gave him a smile and fiddled with you fingers. "I'm actually feeling really scared right now. But, mostly, I can feel the adrenaline rush running through my veins that I could just scream and run out the stage and dance!" You said in glee, until you realized that you had forgotten telling Jaehyun about your performance. "Oh, no. Da—Jaehyun! I forgot to tell him." You groan and checked your pockets for your phone and remembered you left it at home, since you were to excited to even check yourself. You dejectedly sat down on a chair and whimpered.

"He'll be there, M/n. I can tell." Your mentor told you, when he heard your complaints about forgetting to tell Jaehyun, and you immediately lit up and hugged the person.

"Thank you!" You expressed your gratitude, getting the idea of what he meant. You pulled away from him with a wide smile glued stuck to your face.

"Now, you both need to get changed. The opening's 'bout to start." You and Jeno nod your head and went straight to the wardrobe to get change, seeing only two outfits left on the line.

"Just in time." Their dress stylist both gave them what seemed to be like their costumes that was kept inside a black plastic case with a zipper that attached the layer together.

You made your way to the dressing room, one for you and the other for Jeno. You fit yourself just right into the clothes they have assigned for you to wear. You looked at yourself in the mirror and was shocked to see how good you looked on these clothes you're wearing.

You were fit into a maroon loose silk long sleeved polo, the vertical front of the shirt that attaches it together was replaced with laces that stitched around the holes of your clothes' button hole. The sleeves of your polo went further down, just below your wrist, avoiding it from falling by securing it with a button on the hem of the sleeves. For your lower half, you were given tight fitting slack pants that accentuated the size of your bubble butt with your polo neatly tucked inside the waist of your pants. The length of your pants stopped exactly by your ankle, exposing that uncovered area, the wind tickling your ankles. You wore a closed black shoes that complimented the look. You also wore a display lip ring and earring that completed your look, your whole self changing right before your eyes. The gullible and fun you was no longer there, instead it was replaced with a much more unknown version of yourself.

"Damn, I look fine as fuck." You told yourself as you checked yourself out on the mirror that was placed in the dressing room. "Woah..." You said, tracing your fingers on the outline of your ass.

"M/n. You done in there? We're almost up." Jeno's voice called from the busky studio that snapped you from your thoughts and came out of the dressing room. Jeno's head turn to look at you taking in your new look with a lip bite and a whistle. "Damn, bro. You look so hot."

"Thanks, I guess." You giggled, blushing shyly.

A few more compliments later and your group was being called to move to the venue and be at the backstage to prepare. You just stuck to Jeno the whole time going back to the routine a few times to practice and perfect the dance. Jeno was a good friend to the point where he would always be there by your side whenever you needed him. Even at this time, he never left your side and helped calm you down by offering a bubblegum to you, your mind thinking about nothing, but focusing on chewing the gum. Jeno would always initiate a talk with you making you laugh all the time whenever he made faces or make jokes that weren't even funny making it hard for you not to laugh at.

But, it seemed like all Jeno's work went immediately down the gutter when you felt your nervousness come back at once, when the emcee of the opening program started to introduce you to the stage.

Loud cheers and a round of applause were heard as you made your way to the very spacious stage of the place. Your eyes fell to the crowd, feeling yourself break into cold sweat from all the nervousness you felt. It was too heavy that you couldn't—"Daddy?" You smiled when you saw Jaehyun in the crowd and waved his hand at you when you saw your eyes that was happily looking at him. You subtly waved your hand back at him, to which he smiled at, those deep dimples appearing for you.

You got into your position, which consisted of you lying down on the floor, with your right leg folded up, your knee raised up. You had a cutted satin fabric in your back pocket as a prop for yours and Jeno's solo later. You put your hands over your eyes, as a part of your starting position.

Soon, the music started booming through the speakers and you felt your body get trapped to the rhythm of the song as you felt your hands and legs get overtook by the music as you started to gracefully dance to each beat of the song. Jaehyun, with his phone, proudly deciding to film your whole performance.

The first and second half of the song was just your group synchronized dancing to the choreography of what your mentor had taught you and you leading some part of the dance, until the song made a huge turn to a very sensual groove that had only you and Jeno left on the stage. Your solo, with your partner, Jeno, started and everyone in the crowd whistled and gasped, including Jaehyun who felt a little jealous that it wasn't him with you on that stage.

You started with a freestyle by grinding your hips on the cold newly polished floor of the stage, before you were joined by Jeno who stealthily took the fabric from your pocket and slowly wrapped it around your source of vision. He took your chin to turn your head and face him. One hand, not too tightly held the blindfold up only enough, so it doesn't fall, while the other held the back of your neck turning both of you around, so your back faced the audience and he faced the crowd, smirking before he leaned in close to you and staged to make it look like he bit on your neck, then removing the blindfold from your eyes. Then, ending the performance with you falling down to the floor acting lifeless, while Jeno pretended to wipe his lips.

The audience broke into loud claps and shouting out praises in chorus, while Jeno helped you up to your feet giving him a silent thanks and bowed at the people who was watching your performance. You two walked out of the stage and was greeted with hugs from the students feeling like they made a very big accomplishment from how you made the performance very eye catching. "M/n! You were so great out there!"

"Thanks. Jeno helped me a lot." You said, nudging the older, who only chuckled.

"M/n." Jaehyun's voice grabbed your attention, holding his arms out as he smiled at you. You gave him a wide smile and ran to him hugging him with all your might.

"I'm sorry, I forgot to tell you." You voiced out apologetically, pushing your bottom lip forward into a pout and looked up at him. "Sorry, Jaehyun."

"It's okay, baby." He replied, before leaning into your ear. "Because I'm hoping you kept your promise and that's why I have a surprise for you."

You knew what he meant by that, the reason why you were blushing with your eyes wide open. "I.. er.. Yes, yes." You said, playfully punching on his chest. A week prior to today, you had promised to Jaehyun that if you're performance was successful, you'd finally let him pop your cherry, that's why you're blushing so profusely.

"Then, be ready. I'll be seeing you tonight." He whispered one last time before he kissed your cheeks and excused himself since he was still expected at his work.

The whole day, all you could ever think of was what his surprise was and how he would be able to fit his huge dick inside your ass. It was too impossible, you thought, but you were already feeling just as desperate as the older male. You wanted to know how he felt inside you, how he would fuck you 'til the daylight, how he would break your mind and fuck you until you forget your own name. Just the thought of it made you go crazy as you slapped your cheeks and sighed. "Fuck..."

You felt a presence sat themself beside you giving a loud sigh. "So, I'm guessing you're gonna stay up whole night, huh?" It was Jaemin.

You whipped your head at him and looked at him like he was some type of witch or future teller. "How'd you..."

"Gut feeling." Jaemin said.

You didn't know what you signed up for in that time, until today.

It was currently quarter to seven and you were now at the front of the doorstep, not even bothering to say a word. You could only blink your eyes several times, swallowing the large lump that formed in your throat. You let out a deep breathe and was about to put your hand on the knob when the door let out a soft creak and caught sight of Jaehyun who was dressed in nothing, but his boxer shorts. Your hands didn't left the air as you continued to stare up at him, before your eyes fell down his toned abs that were nothing compared to your flabby stomach. "M/n, baby! You're just in time." He smiled at you, but you were still as nervous as ever. Your eyes never left from taking in the view right in front of your eyes, admiring how much his body was so sexy, licking your lips as your eyes fell down his shorts. "M/n."

Your head snapped up towards him, finally out of your train of thoughts. "Yes, daddy?"

"I left your present on the bed, baby. Go check it out." He told you as you did what you were told and moved upstairs to your shared bedroom and saw a pink colored paper bag on top of the bed. You looked at Jaehyun hesitantly, who gave you a smirk and nodded his head up once to the bag to tell you that you should open it. So, you did. And didn't expect to see all sorts of 'toys' inside them.

"D-daddy... these all are..." You managed to let out, these only few words getting the chance to leave your mouth. Your hands trembled, not because you were scared, mainly because you can already feel yourself start to melt and the desperation to just submit to him already.

You felt a pair of arms wrap themselves around you loosely, Jaehyun's hot breathe hitting your neck. He pressed his lips down to your neck and placed kisses that trailed down to your exposed shoulder due to the large shirt you wore that was barely hanging on your shoulders. You tilt your head to the side, giving him more access to your neck as he started to nip on the skin. "Fuck, baby boy." He whispered into your ear, licking your lobe making you sigh in pleasure, as he started to grind his hard on against your ass.

"Ah... daddy.." You moaned out from the feeling of his clothed member on your butt.

He never ceased his movements until he saw your hands still holding onto the bag, his smirk growing wider. "I'll let you pick two, baby and it'll be our special tool for tonight. How's that sound?" He seductively asked you, his lips grazing the back of your ear.

You weakly nodded your head and checked the contents of the paper bag. You were too clouded with the thought of getting pleasured by the older man that you took out whatever you could take in your hand. The chosen items made Jaehyun smirk. "Good choice, baby boy." He moved away from you, already missing the heat his body radiated against yours. He took the bag away from the bed and threw it somewhere in the corner of the room and took the toys you had in your hand. "I gotta say, you have good taste, M/n." He said. "Strip." His voice fell an octave deeper making your knees buckle from his dominating demeanor.

[carlottastudios]

What I Wrote in the Woods while Sitting on a Rock

I walked as if possessed out here, in the woods by my home. I hope that if someone spots me, I look to them like the very picture of the eccentric, inspired poet, the authoress who embraces fully her distinction and status as an outcast from society, who flees like the Romantics of olden France to nature to be free and let her daemons and muses do their work, whispering sweetly to her the words that, in due time, will cause her to be remembered and celebrated by future generations.

But, in truth, I haven't strayed too far from the modern world. If I look up and to my left, in fact, I can see the outline of the houses of my neighbours, and be all too reminded of reality, of the current state of crisis in the world and of how powerless I am throughout it. I who could more easily than others get sick and risk death from this plague. I who, honestly, fears not physical disease as I know how well I've done my part to guard myself from virus and others from my passing it to them. I fear a greater disease. That of being unable to pick up my pen and bringing into the world the wonders in my heart and soul. I fear giving in to the difficulties of the task of turning ideas into written words. I fear lacking the discipline to reach my goals and being reduced to a lazy, lifeless shell of a wannabe authoress who hates herself forevermore for never truly writing and in time.

But I am here now, sitting like a cat perched or a bird alighted on this boulder, in the middle of my beloved native wood that I wish I explored more were I not so deterred by cold. I have been drawn out by the bright sun and the joyful sky which beckoned me from my bedroom, saying "Come, come outside" and filled me with the yearning, the need to grab my pen and book and find some place outside, to run to find a corner where I may sit and write to my heart's content. Here I am in the pleasant balance of warmth and cold, my pages lit by the sun which does not blind me so long as I keep writing. Here I am listening to the wind and the wild animals. Here I am writing this...poem? Story? Drabble of words and thoughts and feelings, guided, surely, by some benevolent daemon of inspiration as well as by my own hand. I must not forget it. After all, these words which my kind guardian muse so sweetly whispers are little more than immaterial thoughts if not for my pen held by my hand and guided by my action and will. We work together, my daemon and I, and it serves to, at least for a time, banish my fears.

They may return again, as is their nature. The battle is long and continuous and almost neverending against one's inner monsters, and my heart goes out to all those who, like me, continue this battle. I think, I hope, I know it will end in our triumph someday. Perhaps it is my naïve youth which commands this thought, but I truly believe that all ends well eventually in this world. No matter the suffering, the evil which I know does exist, the unfairness of life, I still cannot give up my hope. It clings forever to me and is latched on tightly to my spirit. I don't wish to compare it to a flea, for that creature is too annoying and repulsive. Rather, I think my hope like the moss which clings to the rock on which I sit. It may never leave unless some cruel ignorant brute tries to rip it off, and it makes this hard bland thing softer and so much more lovely.

I hope this moss never comes off. I hope my hope never leaves me. I know it cherishes me in return and I trust that it will guide me well in my life. I will nourish it as best I can, and nourish its brethren: my confidence, my love, my joy, my generosity and my passion.

And now I believe my piece draws to a close. My pen runs out of ink, my isolated paradise is welcoming other guests and my father may soon return home with goods that need be put away and stored. I have other things to write of, especially one silly thing for the celebration of fish and fools. I hope it proves more humorous than my self-doubt, old nemesis, believes. Yet I will strive never to forget this. I thank my daemons and most blessed Mother Nature for making me come out here today.

And so on the path of winter do I return home.

.........

This post is different than probably anything you will ever see from me. It's just something I wrote yesterday, like the title says, in the woods while sitting on a rock because I just...I just had to go outside and write something. Especially because, yesterday, I felt I was struggling getting my motivation to write to cooperate with me. Especially since I've got an idea for a fanfic for April Fools'. Plus, I think I was unknowingly feeling down about how crazy the world is right now and how fucked up this world is even without the current craziness. But writing this gave me hope. Just...so much hope and joy and it made me feel so much better. And I was really proud of writing this and the hope and inspiration it still gives me. So I really wanted to post this. I hope it gives you guys the same optimism, hope and joy, and the kind of mini-self-pep-talk, it gave me. Hope you guys are staying safe out there. Please channel your inner Stork and stay inside and avoid people as much as you can. DISCLAIMER: this written piece © me

[getoffthesoapbox]

[VK/VKM] Meaningful Deaths Spring From Meaningful Lives

I’ve been pondering for a while now about the “pureblood dilemma” of the despair spiral. Purebloods all seem to fixate on death and the idea of death and finding a meaningful death, to the point where they become dangerously destructive toward the wider community around them. I had the opportunity to tackle this topic a bit via an anon ask I received some time ago, but I have more to say on the topic and I want to approach it differently in an official post.

This post isn’t a speculation per se; rather, it’s probably more accurate to call it a collection of my own chaotic thoughts on the matter. 

What is a Meaningful Life?

Most people believe meaning is found in happiness, and this appears to be what the purebloods believe as well. The problem with this is that that’s not where meaning is to be found for anyone--most “meaningful” experiences aren’t necessarily happy ones. (An example would be a trying project at work that ends successfully--the experience is meaningful because it helped one grow and expand as a person, but the actual experience was harrowing and tense and full of pressure.) 

Chasing happiness is ultimately a pipe dream because happiness is something that happens to you, it’s not something you can create. This is evident even in the purebloods who attain some form of happiness--Haruka and Juri get tired, Kaname admits that sometimes true loves aren’t enough to keep purebloods alive. And if you make happiness your life, what do you do when you’re not happy? Because a time will inevitably come when you are unhappy--even if you never get sick, a friend will, or you’ll lose something dear to you, or a tragedy will befall you. Suffering is an inextricable part of living. Pursuing happiness and pretending suffering away doesn’t alleviate any of the existential burden of suffering. 

So how do you live a meaningful life if pursuing happiness isn’t the answer? One way is to simply live your life by trying to avoid or minimize suffering at all costs. We see this very clearly with Isaya’s way of life--he minimizes his desires and tries to stay uncommitted to anything in order to erase any attachment to things or people that might cause him to enter the despair spiral. The problem with this way of life, as we can see from Isaya’s example, is that it is ultimately (as Kaname himself would say) “colorless.” There is no passion in Isaya’s life, no joy, no light. There’s not much suffering either, other than the suffering of living through long, neverending days. He has neither light, nor darkness. 

But most people can’t live such a zenlike existence, and even Isaya is searching for a way to die. This is an indication that neither pursuing happiness at all cost nor working to minimize suffering only is enough to give a life meaning. 

Another option we have for gaining meaning is one that actually does leave room for both minimizing suffering and “discovering” (or receiving) happiness along the way: purpose.

Purpose, at its core, is what purebloods should be seeking. But most of them get stuck at “pursuit of happiness” or “minimization of suffering.” Only one pureblood as far as I can tell ever found “purpose.” So, let’s figure out what purpose even is. Purpose is actually really simple and it’s very personal, unique, and individual to each person. The simplest way to boil it down is this: to have a purpose is to aim for the highest good you can conceive of and work tirelessly to achieve that good in spite of the obstacles and suffering you will face. Another way to look at this is the idea of “wishing on a star”--aiming for the highest point you can see in the sky and living your life to reach that point. 

Now, that may sound very similar to “pursuing happiness” but it’s actually not. Working toward “the good” isn’t necessarily something that will make you happy because it’s not easy. The way you craft a purpose actually requires being willing to bear your suffering and the suffering of others and do what you can to alleviate the suffering within your reach. Purpose begins with the simple acknowledgement of life being suffering, and that no matter which way you turn, you will suffer, so you must pick the path of suffering you think most worthwhile. And how is the worth of the path determined? By the “height” of the ultimate goal you select--and it doesn’t matter what that goal is, as long as it’s something that does the following for you: it makes you feel that all your suffering (that you’re inevitably going to go through) will be worthwhile.

In other words, “purpose” has nothing to do with happiness. Happiness happens incidentally when one is pursuing purpose. The truth of life is that even if you do nothing (as Isaya does), you will suffer. Suffering is the only true fact of life--everything is either some form of suffering, or death. (Even happiness itself or love come with suffering--the converse, the fear of loss, always accompanies happiness.) It’s incumbent upon each person to look at the paths of suffering available to them and select the option that will ultimately do the most good, not just for themselves, but for others as well. In more mythological terms, the point of purpose is the selection of the cross (weight) one will bear in the world (suffer) and WILLINGLY lifting it up and bearing it without complaint. 

The longer your lifespan, the bigger your purpose needs to be to accommodate the suffering you’ll encounter (because to live is to suffer). So purebloods have it really hard, because they have to account for eternal suffering. Admittedly, that’s a pretty tough thing to wrap one’s head around, but they do have a few tools available to help them achieve a meaningful life via a purpose. The problem is, only one of them ever figured it out, and she figured it out mostly by accident. 

The tools are as follows (in no particular order):

Think of what would be good for you now, 10 years from now, 100 years from now, etc.

Think of what would be good for you and good for your family now, 10 years from now, 100 years from now, etc.

Think of what would be good for you, your family, and your community now, 10 years from now, 100 years from now, etc.

Think of what would be good for you, your family, your community, and the world now, 10 years from now, 100 years from now, etc.

There are actually only a finite number of answers one can come up with using this method, because it does a few interesting things. First, it separates “you” into you, future you, eternal you. Therefore you’re not planning for just “you,” you’re planning for all the “yous” that will ever exist in the future as if they are different and distinct people. But you don’t stop there--once you’ve figured things out for yourself, you look outside yourself to your family, community, and world now, in the future, and into eternity. (Obviously humans would just do now and in the future, but purebloods need the eternity factor.) Then you orient your life around fulfilling the best possible way of living that accounts for every single one of these variables (obviously making adjustments as necessary and as you grow). If purebloods spent more time thinking about this than whining about how unfortunate they are, they’d probably be in better shape.

TL;DR - Purebloods focus on the wrong thing--happiness or minimizing suffering--in their lives. They should be focusing on finding “purpose” to their eternal suffering and steering their lives by the course of that purpose. Purpose should include more than just the pureblood’s own selfish interests--it should include the benefits to their future selves, their families, their friends, their communities, and their world. Only when they find a purpose that accounts for all these facets of their lives and strive willingly to bear the burden of their own suffering without complaint and try their best to alleviate suffering of their own and others’ will they find the meaningful lives they truly seek. 

When one has a meaningful life, one does not need a meaningful death nor does one fear death. And when the end does come (whether by the cure, or by sacrifice, or by the sword for purebloods), the meaningful life will produce a meaningful death as a natural byproduct. 

Why Purebloods Fail at Living Meaningful Lives

If humanity’s natural state is suffering, with only death to rescue us, how much worse is it for purebloods who can’t even escape the hell of living and have no death to comfort them when they are tired? Pureblood existence is by nature as hellish an existence as one could get--when they’re dissatisfied and nihilistic, they become bloodthirsty monsters like Rido or they can’t even bear the weight of living and take long naps and lose their hope in life like Ouri or Isaya. 

Naturally, the purebloods’ obsession turns not to life, but to death, because it is the one thing nature has denied them. The grim reaper wants no pureblood at his side. They’ll have to go through hoops to reach him. Over time since their inception, purebloods must have doe all sorts of things to try to kill themselves--surely they fought wars over it and tried to commit suicide in all manner of ways. Eventually they found at least one option that seemed to work--turning other purebloods into humans via the sacrifice of their lives. And while this is certainly a meaningful death in some sense (giving a loved one the opportunity to live in the light), it’s not a one-size-fits-all solution for the remainder of the purebloods. 

Because purebloods are so fixated on eternity and death, they become naval-gazers who can only see their own suffering and fail to see the damage they cause those around them via their destructive temper tantrums. A great example is Kaname in Yuuki’s memory from Night 51--Yuuki is a tiny child sitting with Kaname, and he’s unloading his eternal suffering onto her shoulders and naval-gazing about how sad eternity is. He’s not thinking or caring about the burden he’s placing on her, nor is he taking responsibility for his life--he’s only concerned about his own suffering. This is how purebloods pass on suffering to everyone they know--they don’t know how to serve.

Kaname’s a great example here too. During his ancestor days, he would “help” the villagers--but rather than his help being from his heart and out of a desire to serve the greater good he was looking to create for himself, what he was actually seeking was something as petty as “acceptance.” He was placing the burden of his suffering on the villagers, while at the same time stealing from them behind the scenes. When they (rightfully) became angry at his duplicity, he closed himself off from service (which he’d never truly done to begin with) and began the path of wallowing in his pain and licking his wounds that he continues throughout the remainder of his 10K+ lifespan. Not even the Hooded Woman’s clear example helps him see how he should be living his life. 

Complicating the purebloods’ self-centered tendencies is another problem--their charisma. Charismamones mean nobody but other purebloods can be “trusted” because all other beings are “prey” to purebloods and thus are affected by their charismamones. Purebloods cannot have friends among other variants of vampire or human because they can’t know for sure if the bonds are manipulated by their charismamones or not. (This is compounded by master/servant bonding.) However, the reason this is a problem is not actually due to the charismamones--it’s due to the purebloods placing a higher value on themselves than on the ones who are affected by their charismamones. This, again, is something the Hooded Woman is the only one of the purebloods not to do--she never once holds any resentment toward humans or lower vampires for falling for charismamones, nor does she seem to hold any disdain for such bonds. Thus, she doesn’t suffer over it like Kaname, Sara, and the other younger purebloods seem to.

So purebloods have a double punch here on the suffering front--they’re already inclined to be myopically obsessed with themselves and their own immortality and they can’t trust the bonds they form with anyone but other purebloods. On top of this, they become insanely attached to their romantic partners at the expense of all else, which can be a problem (see Shizuka) if that partner is not also a pureblood. These factors all lead to faster despair descents and deep nosedives into nihilism, on top of placing the “burden for happiness” on the shoulders of one person (see what Kaname does to Yuuki--he expects her to fill his world with color for all eternity, a heavy burden to place on anyone).

Fundamentally, purebloods have a misunderstanding of existence and how they should interact with the world because they have so many complexes--they believe themselves superior and inferior simultaneously, they’re obsessed with death and themselves but are also afraid of life and losing their lives, they’re afraid of manufactured bonds but are unable to let go of control, and even when they do form bonds, they’re often with lower level vampires  or humans who have finite lifespans and die. 

It’s really strange that a philosopher never rose out of the purebloods, though maybe this is because Hino isn’t any good at philosophy. But as far as I can tell, a philosopher might have been of use to the purebloods--someone to help them reorient themselves toward living. Rather than being obsessed with death, they should have become obsessed with life--or, rather, how to live a good life for all eternity in a world full of suffering. 

The Pureblood Who Got The Balance Right

The Hooded Woman is definitely the most remarkable of the purebloods. None of the others, not even Yuuki, ever surpass her. She was the first and the last, a symbol of greatness that was lost in time. I often wonder if Kaname was right--he should have been the forge, because the purebloods needed this woman far more than they needed him. Had she lived, perhaps the chaos the purebloods carried with them would have been mitigated. 

Still, this is a woman who had her priorities straight. She lived with purpose and did not sit around merely trying to find personal happiness or minimize her own suffering. She chose her goals and aimed for them no matter the cost. In life, she was fearless but also compassionate and had a huge heart--not only did she love humans, but she also loved vampires! Her “high aim” was to find a way for both of them to exist in the world without bloodshed or animosity. Of course, her first solution was to merely gather all the purebloods and sequester them on an island. But this proved difficult because there were obviously purebloods who just wanted to abuse their predator abilities, and she couldn’t convince everyone to join her. The plan had to be abandoned. 

But did this woman fall into despair and boo hoo over her fate? No, she merely changed directions and began fighting the purebloods abusing their power. She still continued to face suffering head on and shoulder the burden because she knew she was strong enough to bear it. I love the way she calls her parents fragile, and humans fragile. It shows how much she’s thought about the difference between herself and humans, and also how she values her own strength and ability to carry those fragile beings on her shoulders. 

And when the time came to face her death (or let Kaname die), she chose to face death courageously in order to protect everyone and still allow Kaname a chance to find his own purpose in life--a purpose that couldn’t be found in death. She offers her life to the hunters and becomes a weapon for 10,000 years. A tireless, unflagging weapon burning eternally on her own. The only pureblood in history to do so. Even Kaname only burns for 1000 years, and he gets to live again. Only the Hooded Woman saw it through to the end. 

Even so, she never once complains. She never once despairs. She carries on with a bold, brazen attitude and an unflagging, unwavering smile. I mean, heck, just look at that smile on her up there in the header image for this post--of all the major “deaths” in this series, only this woman truly lived and died in peace. I doubt she ever regretted a day in her life, unlike everyone else in this series. ;)

Had the purebloods followed her example, instead of burying her in time and forgetting her, how much happier would they all have been? How much better would their world and society have been, if they’d cheerfully carried the world on their shoulders as she did? 

Meaningful Deaths Spring From Meaningful Lives

When the Hooded Woman died, she was smiling. When Kaname cast his heart into the forge, he was suffering and in pain. Zero and Yuuki both smile when they die, but clearly they both still have regrets as they go--Zero, because he has to leave Yuuki alone, and Yuuki because she’s lost Zero and failed Kaname. 

We haven’t yet seen Kaname’s true death, but I hope he finally achieves what the Hooded Woman wanted for him--a meaningful life which leads to a meaningful death. But he’ll only find that if he can ever find a legitimate purpose for his life, and maybe as a human he can finally discover a purpose worth living 80 or so odd years for. 

But even Zero and Yuuki don’t achieve what the Hooded Woman achieved. Neither of them managed to find happiness for eternity. Still, they obviously get much closer to it than Kaname did before Yuuki turned him. We don’t know the road they take yet, or how difficult the suffering is, or how they choose to bear it. All we can say for certain is that Zero and Yuuki had meaningful enough lives that they could smile at the end of them, though clearly they still had some regrets as their smiles aren’t nearly Hooded Woman quality.

Now it’s Kaname’s turn to find purpose and, through purpose, meaning. Whether Hino’s going to show that or not, I don’t know. All I can say is, it’s clear to me these characters need to stop focusing on only themselves and their significant others and start looking at a wider picture in order to find the happiness they seek--which is really just purpose to make life worth living, with happiness as an incidental perk. Only when they find this can they face death without fear--something Yuuki’s clearly still struggling with even now in VKM. 

Time will tell, I suppose. 

[meditationadvise]

Future Focus Frenzy - How To Chill Out And Arrive

Are you allright with this moment? Or are you currently intending for the next objective, checking the following point off your 'to do' list, planning your following hill to climb? Having goals as well as achieving them is a worthy energy emphasis (much better than being a sofa potato!) Yet when your future emphasis begins placing you in a frenzy, then it's time to take an action back and also chill out. Why? Because way too much striving offers you the 'Large S' ... Stress. Neurophysiologist Physician Rick Hanson has a few tip for you to ensure that you could balance your terrific searches with positive chill-time. This is from the Huffington Message, reprinted here for your convenience.

Relax, You've Arrived

by Rick Hanson, Ph.D.

We invest so much of our time aiming to obtain somewhere. Part of this comes from our organic nature. To endure, animals - including us - have to be goal-directed, leaning right into the future. It's certainly healthy to go after wholesome goals, like paying the rent in a timely manner, increasing kids well, recovery old pain, or improving education.

But it's likewise vital to see exactly how this focus on the future - on countless aiming, on obtaining the next job done, on climbing up the following mountain - can get confused and also stressful.

It's complicated since the mind:

Overestimates both the enjoyment of future gains as well as the pain of future losses. (This evolved to inspire our ancient forefathers to chase carrots tough and really dodge sticks.)

Makes the future appear like an actual thing when in truth it doesn't really exist and never will. There is only now, permanently and also always.

Overlooks or reduces the alrightness of this moment - including the several things currently fixed or achieved - in order to maintain you looking for the following hazard or opportunity. (For much more on just how the brain makes us worried and also frightened, see 'Buddha's Mind.')

Further, this pursuit of the next point is confused due to the fact that the mind tends to transfer unsatisfied requirements from childhood years right into the existing, such as to be risk-free, worthy, eye-catching, successful or enjoyed. These wishings often handle a life of their very own - after the original problems have actually been mostly or even completely solved. We're like the typical donkey attempting to get a carrot held out in front of it on a pole: no issue just how long we chase it, it's constantly still ahead, never acquired. For years I pursued success due to underlying feelings of insufficiency, how lots of success does a person demand to really feel like a beneficial person?

Besides being confused and also complicated, striving is stressful. You have actually obtained to discharge up, activating the fight-or-flight sympathetic nerves as well as its related tension hormones. There's a sense of stress, of bother with a future that's inherently unsure, of entrapment on a neverending treadmill. There's a lack of comforting and also balance that would certainly come from acknowledging the reality of points:

You've in fact currently arrived.

How? Acknowledge the easy truth that you obtained right here, in this area, and also now, in this minute. It may not be best. Assume of the numerous points you have certainly done to come below. At a minimum, you endured high college! You have actually taken numerous actions, solved numerous problems, placed many tasks as well as difficulties behind you.

The word, 'get here,' originates from roots that indicate 'to reach the shore.' As soon as you land, certainly, life is not over, given that the next moment will be a brand-new arrival. But sinking into the sense of having gotten here, of having actually crossed the goal of this moment, is relaxing, happy and should have. And also recognizing you have actually arrived, you currently are more able to turn your attention toward being of real service to others.

To deepen the feeling of arrival, help yourself loosen up right into this minute. Every so often, you can gently say in your mind: showing up ... got here ... showing up ...

Draw on your body to strengthen this experience. Allow each breath land in your recognition: getting here ... got here ... arriving ... Recognize the bite touchdown in the mouth, the dish taken in, the body fed. As you stroll, discover that, with each action, you have reached another place. Know that your hand has reached a cup, that the eye has received a sundown, that the smile of a pal has actually landed in your heart.

Consider old hopings, old drives, that absolutely may be satisfied, a minimum of to a reasonable extent. (And if not fulfilled, possibly it's time to allow something go as well as go on.) Can you brighten up regarding these? Or can you accept that you have come to a place this moment which contains unsatisfied goals as well as unmet demands? It's still an arrival. Plus it's a 'coast' that probably several good points regarding it whatever's still undone?.

In the inmost feeling, assess that each minute arrives complete by itself. Each wave arrive at the coast of Currently total in its very own right.

Arriving ... showed up ... arriving ...

Arrived.

Notice something deeply today and also practice the medical professional's showing up, arrived, getting here workout, after that share your experience and exactly how it aided you 'chill out' in the remarks below.

[assenavlp]

V’s Hot Takes - 3

And so it's Monday. The beginning of another so-called "week" in this neverending existential nightmare, where one day blends into the next, differentiated only by what's on TV, tonight.

I was planning on toning things down today. Apparently scones touched a nerve and scared some people off, yesterday, but then I filled up on my weekly Sunday Marathon of House episodes, and I decided "f*ck that noise"! So without further ado, my fellow a$$holes....

Welcome back to V's Hot Takes™!

#3: Metric....

Oh, no, she isn't gonna...oh, yes, she is...

Metric in the home kitchen is highly f*cking overrated. And by overrated I mean, a pain in the f*cking a$$!

I grew up in the '70s, in Canada, where Metric was introduced into the school curriculum alongside the Imperial system, so I, like most Gen-X Canadians, am able to function with both. There's even a meme for that. (Plus I learned real math, not this "new math" bullsh*t that turns what should be quick and intuitive shortcuts that one learns once one actually understands math, into ridiculously convoluted formulas.)Some things work better with Metric. Others are better with Imperial.

Yes, yes, Metric is all lovely in its simple logic and uniformity, blah, blah, blah, and for science, it's perfect. One might think that I, as someone with OCD, would appreciate that sort of thing. However, I am also a creative thinker. Imperial works on an intuitive level. That's how it was designed....based on the measurements of body parts and such, however messy and imperfect that is. Yeah, I can never remember how many feet are in a mile either. Who cares? We're not talking engineering or city planning, here.

Besides, there's beauty and logic in fractions. I hated taking math in school, but since I did, and since I spent a hell of a lot of time learning those fractions, I'll be damned if I'm going to put that skill to waste!

"But it's so precise!"

Unless you're working in mass production, you really do not need that kind of precision. Seriously. Even for sourdough. You heard me, b*tch. Zip it! Cooking shouldn't be like a bloody episode of The Anal-Retentive Chef!

Everyone's moaning about the overly-long cooking blogs, these days, like everyone's suddenly forgotten how to scroll. A recipe that's all in Metric...or even worse, all in Mass...with no conversions to Imperial, though? That's what triggers MY back-button finger. Buh-bye.

There's an article from The Atlantic going around at the moment that mentions the old notion that hyper attention to measuring, in cooking, is a female trait. I grew up hearing that and it's crossed my mind in recent months as I've seen many, male and female, who have latched onto weighing everything to the last nanogram on a digital scale. Barf. Whether it's a female trait or not, I think there are different factors at play...experience in the kitchen, confidence in one's own skills and palate, and whether the crowd one is cooking for is finicky or hyper-critical, etc., and whether they (or oneself, for that matter) 'allow' one to be creative and accept the failures that can be part of the process. (ie. You don't have to cook for a controlling d*ck.)

"But cooking is an art and baking is a science!"

Yeah, that's an old one, too. Of course there's truth to it. You can't just wing your baking soda into something willy-nilly and pray that it turns out. I think the two styles can and do co-exist, though. The Yin and Yang of the kitchen...or the Reese's Peanut Butter Cup conundrum: you got your science in my art... you got your art in my science...I am an improvisational cook (and baker) and add a swoosh of this and a handful of that, but I also follow a specific recipe when I am looking for a specific result. When I am creating a recipe, I measure to set a benchmark for further experimentation and improvisation...

I digress.

Maybe you disagree but 2/3rds of a cup, 3/4ths of a cup...half of that is 3/8ths...which is also 6Tbs....it's just easier to remember than 150ml or 175ml or 350ml of this and that. The divisions are too small and TOO uniform. It's boring...it lacks distinctive markers to trigger easy recall. It's harder to differentiate items in a list of ingredients. Supposedly the theory of different learning styles has been discredited, but that's my learning style.

"Weighing solves everything."

Oh, my f*cking God, it's so tedious. There are only a few things I regularly use a scale for in my kitchen; like chocolate pistoles, when I make ganache or mousse; or carrots and bananas, when I make cake. The notion that you can't achieve consistency without using Mass is ludicrous. Yes, there are things like humidity and room temperature that affect many ingredients, but no amount of weighing is going to save you during extreme weather changes if you don't have a controlled indoor climate. In addition to the science of it all, there's a certain familiarity and finesse one learns through experience. There's a deeper understanding that comes from the mistakes.

And there's this strange sort of arrogance...that those of us who have been cooking and baking all of these years have been doing it wrong; that we couldn't have possibly successfully made anything without having used the Metric System!

Maybe part of the problem is that we have a generation who has grown up without home-ec classes (they should bring them back, for girls and boys, both, this time...and anyone differently-gendered), and a culture that has looked down on home-cooking, striving for convenience - so that we can work, work, work ourselves to death - and now suddenly everyone's trying to make up for all those lost years, all at once, and being hyper critical in this regard makes up for the lack of experience? "A poor craftsman blames his tools"? Who knows? That's just a theory off the top of my head.

Whatever the case, you'll pry my vintage Imperial measuring cups and spoons out of my cold, dead, f*cking hands! 

https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2021/04/when-did-following-recipes-become-a-personal-failure/618085/ 

March 22, 2021

[ununniliad]

Writer’s Block Person #35: “Morphology”

One of Writer's Block Person's lesser-known heroic weaknesses is seasonal depression! So in the midst of the darkness of winter, we find them curled up in a chair, under blankets, a sun lamp shining in the grayness of the day, headphones over their ears. Their eyes are closed, and their head is back in blissful relaxation, hair spread out over the cushions, a little, private smile on their lips.

Then there is a deafening crash as a thirteen-year-old Egyptian boy holding a copy of Proust's A Remembrance of Things Past smashes through the window.

Writer's Block Person flailed, returning to past tense as they threw off the blankets and leapt to their feet. "Who what when where why!?"

"Writer's Block Person!" the thirteen-year-old shouted, pointing dynamically at the nonbinary hero. "It's time to... oh, dear, you weren't wearing pants under there."

"Habadaga!?" WBP grabbed the blankets and wrapped them hastily around their waist. "The Earth-20 version of Library Lad? What are you doing here? Why didn't you knock!?"

"I did knock!" said the Lending Librarian of Lawful Good. "Why didn't you get up!?"

"Oh!" Writer's Block Person shook themself out. "Sorry, I was just listening to the transformation theme from Ultraman Geed over and over again."

"Ahhh."

"It makes my brain parts happy."

"Good! But I have an important message for you!" Library Lad summoned up as serious an expression as a goofy teenage nerd can. "By my role as an incarnation of Thoth, patron of pictographic communication and scribe of divine law, I bring you a crucial mission!"

"Um..." Writer's Block Person blinked, spine stiff, eyes wide. "Crucial in a 'people are gonna die' way, or a weird goofy metafictional way?"

"The second one!"

"Oh thank goodness." WBP flopped back on the couch. "Yes, please, missionify me!"

"Right!" Library Lad pointed off into the distance. "If the LNH is going to survive as a storytelling setting, it needs to join the modern internet! And you know what that means?"

Writer's Block Person thought about it for a second. "That means... a dawning realization that the corporate push for more and more Marketable Performance has outstripped our determination to make our systems robust and secure and now we need to deal with a world populated by brittle devices just waiting to be taken over by the next exploit?"

"I mean..." Library Lad blinked, sagging. "I mean, I guess, yeah. Jeez."

"...oh!" Writer's Block Person shook themself out again. "Uh... sorry." They scratched the back of their head sheepishly. "Depression and stuff."

"Yeah, um... that's okay..." Library Lad scratched his head awkwardly.

"Would you like a drink of water?"

"Oh! Yeah, that'd help, thanks!"

Library Lad sat down on the couch, hands in his lap, while Writer's Block Person shouted "HENSHINSPIRATION!" and transformed so they wouldn't be pantsless. They came back with a glass of water and Library Lad gulped it down.

"Mmmmm..." Library Lad wiped his mouth with the back of his arm. "So yeah, I was just gonna say - to join the modern internet, you gotta have emoji!"

"Ah!" Writer's Block Person smacked their fist into their palm. "Of course! But how do we get 'em? It's hard to stuff Unicode into a medium defined by ASCII text."

"That's where you come in!" Library Lad opened his big canvas bag and pulled out a piece of old papyrus. "The Scroll of Logos!"

"Ooooh, ahhhh~"

"Take its power, Writer's Block Person, and you will unlock the power of emoji, allowing for toyetic new forms!"

Writer's Block Person reached out to take the Scroll of Logos, but then shied back. "Um... toyetic? Are you sure about this? Because y'know, the last time someone tried to merchandise emoji--"

"--it was The Emoji Movie, I know." Library Lad waved his hand dismissively. "But any actual merchandise that comes from an LNH story is probably going to be a Dvandom-style kitbash, so it's fine."

[For those not up on model kit lingo, a kitbash is the act of taking pieces from many different model kits and combining them into your own creation! More broadly, it refers to the customization of toys, including action figures! - Ed.(UE)]

"S'pose so!" Writer's Block Person grasped the Scroll, and there was a flash of shimmering light. The book-shaped belt buckle of their outfit moved, metamorphosed, pages turning, and the Scroll shifted and slipped in and joined them. Writer's Block Lad posed stylishly!

"Now," said Library Lad, slipping into Lecturer Mode, "you're not getting a bunch of emoji-forms at once. It's more fun if it's paced out, after all. But there's one that you - being you - get for free: The basic 'heart' emoji, with the power to temporarily clear negative thoughts, and also banish dark magical influences."

"...I've, um." Writer's Block Person stopped posing. "...are you saying I'm going to need to start banishing dark magical influences?"

"Look." Library Lad held a finger up in the air. "Just because the usual narrative of both Western and Japanese superhero media involves getting a power-up and then immediately... immediately finding yourself in a situation where you need to use it... um, doesn't necessarily... um..." The finger lowered. "Hm."

Writer's Block Person glanced left, then right, then leaned in and whispered. "Library Lad, give it to me straight. We're not, like, turning into a real action-adventure series, are we?"

Library Lad blew out a breath. "I have no idea. I know you're basically the avatar of Drew's creativity right now, something they can do and try to turn off all worries about Doing The Thing Right Proper. They get caught up and held back easily if they're trying to do A Big Serious Plot, so you wouldn't think they'd give that to you... but..."

Writer's Block Person nodded. "But they're always trying to push themselves and find new ways to do the stuff they like. And boy do they like magic hero adventure." They shook their head. "Well... it's not like I don't like that, considering I am them. So if this is my new destiny..." They posed dynamically. "I'M READY!" They held up their glittery purple pen. "EMOTICONVERSION! CODE POINT HEAVY BLACK HEART!"

They clicked the top of the pen and were surrounded by a swirl of pink and red hearts! They spread their hands above their head and a red Valentine's Day-style heart appeared between them. They lowered their hands to their chest; the heart flipped over and slammed into the heart-shaped amethyst in the center of their chest, which shone with crimson energy. The purple of their armor turned to pink, black bodysuit turning white with red hearts polka-dotted all over it. The catseye-glasses shape of their visor turned into hearts, and their pointy shoulders became heart-shaped as well.

They landed on the floor, posing dramatically... then jumped up and clapped their hands. "Oh man, this is cute as fuck! I feel energized and fashionable!"

"I don't get it, but if it makes you happy, I'm glad!" said Library Lad, smiling.

"Heck yeah! It's time to get indulgent! Bring it on, dark magic!" Writer's Block Person threw up a vee.

[A scene transition in an issue of Writer's Block Person? You better believe it! - Ed.(UE)]

There is a drive that catches humans in its grip. The drive to take control. To take as much control as you can and more, neverending.

This drive is not a lust for power, for lust implies desire, implies enjoyment, implies passion. it is a goal, an end point, free of passion and ultimately, free of meaning.

There are worlds out there. Strange worlds, where the physical is a metaphor. Worlds of flowing emotion, where drives of this sort can crackle through their fluid structure and take over.

Shuffled in among these worlds is a world of fluid beings, animated by this drive, acting on this drive, striving ceaselessly to take control. Some humans called these beings demons. Some humans tried to make deals with them. Some humans regretted that.

And now the attention of that world is on this one. And that attention is a pressure, the fluid emotion pressing heavy on the walls, and beginning to break thru...

[twelvehousemoon]

Pluto Through the Houses

Where do power struggles occur in your life? What are you protective over? Which aspects of life do you obsessively think over? What situations bring out your inner strength, and inspire you to transform?

Pluto in the 1st House: Having a like Pluto in the ascendant will give someone an intense demeanor, and others may find you quite mysterious. This can be an attractive trait, as others are curious to know what’s going on inside your head. You come off as strong and independent, a natural leader, and possibly very unique. The ascendant intensifies Pluto’s energy and you may find yourself focused on Plutonian things other than most, such as change and transformation, the taboo, or personal power. Like Pluto in the third or 9th house, there may be an urge to understand Plutonian matters that can be confusing, such as death. Even though you present yourself powerfully, your ascendant sign and aspects will also determine how powerful you really are. There is also a unique ability to completely drop a personality and move on to a new one, as many people with this placement accept change as a part of life and enjoy the transformations they undergo. You are probably secretive to a degree, which gives you an enigmatic energy that may fascinate, or intimidate, others. You may struggle with power, or find yourself wanting to control others. Either way, power and change are going to be an ongoing theme throughout your life, but in the end your experiences have the potential to make you stronger and result in tremendous inner growth.

Pluto in the 2nd House: As the 2nd house rules material possessions as well as finances, it is possible that people with this placement will undergo many changes in this area throughout their life, however they will typically work to teach lessons. Some people will have a secretive and possessive attitude not only towards their money, but also to their personal belongings. You may be overly obsessed with their finances or have a large amount of greed, or simply just protective of their material objects and have a strong sense of ownership that could, consciously or unconsciously, be associated with your personal power. The power of Pluto in this house gives one a strong ability to financially strategize and have a natural desire to earn money. You may be able to financially prosper through research, science, psychology, or other similar fields. You may associate having money as well as material objects with your own personal security, and it’s possible to become overly materialistic. Sharing is probably not your strong suit.

Pluto in the 3rd House: With this placement, knowledge is power. These individuals have a natural curiosity and instinctively search for the hidden meaning behind every message they receive. You have the ability to communicate extremely well and convince others to see your point of view because you speak with such strength, power, and clarity. You have a uniquely powerful mind and probably question almost everything you hear. Your ability to read between the lines makes you an intuitive communicator as well as a great learner. Those with Pluto in 3rd may become very frustrated when they are unable to cover the truth about something because of their neverending thirst for knowledge. Sometimes negative thinking can become an issue, as these people also have a fascination for the Plutonian aspects of life and may become obsessed with the negative truth they uncover. You’re constantly asking questions and wondering “why” and “how” after everything people say. As the 3rd house represents siblings, there could be power struggles there, but other planets and aspects will dictate how strong that is. There may be a need to find a deeper meaning in life in order to feel satisfied.

Pluto in the 4th house: As the cusp of the 4th house is the Imum Coeli, the planets that reside there often represent one’s early life, home environment, and parental upbringing. Pluto in the 4th house can represent an upbringing with tension or power struggles within the home. One or both parents may have been manipulative and controlling, or possibly just very intense. In the early life it’s possible there was a power struggle between your parents, which you may have internalized. When hitting puberty, the power struggle may have been between you and your parents. However, if there are benefic planets in this house or a well aspected Pluto, this is not always the case.  You may be more comfortable expressing their power in an intimate setting rather than showing it to the world. You may be protective of their home or loved ones because security is important with this placement. Since Pluto represents transformation, there could have been many changes in the home setting or changes the family went through as a child. Pluto can represent death, and some with this placement lose a family member early in life. However, this “death” may not always be literal. There could be a great loss suffered by the family, or a divorce, etc. You may have learned to be secretive or protective due to your upbringing.

Pluto in the 5th house: As the 5th house represents creative expression and various forms of pleasure, those with this placement often have unusual skills or interests along with a powerful sense of creativity. You take pride in your creations and often approach them with a serious attitude, simply because they’re important to you. You often express yourself in a dramatic way that often draws people’s attention towards you. Often there is a strong desire to throw yourself into your creative endeavors with power and enthusiasm, but there could also be fear and tension that stand in the way at times. Since the 5th house’s pleasure extends to the area of romance, these people have an intense approach to partnership and desire a very intense, passionate, and often sensual energy in their romantic relationships. Some people with this placement may place too much emphasis on sex when it comes to relationships and need to find another outlet for the vast amount of creative energy they hold. If your attitude in love isn’t so intense, you probably attract partners with Plutonian qualities. You may have a fear of being betrayed by your partner. If you have kids, they will most likely be unique and there could be a lack of understanding in the relationship, however these people will throw everything they have into parenting and strive to influence their children for the better.

Pluto in the 6th House: The powerful energy of Pluto here causes one to be gifted in self analysis in areas such as their personal health and well-being. They may be very drawn to self-improvement and enjoy growing and achieving through life. Caring for yourself and others will prove crucial in inner growth. Or, if this energy is very undeveloped, or there are malefic planets also present in the house, you could simply be a hypochondriac. Another important thing to those with Pluto in 6th is their work. You are an excellent problem solver and you actually seem to enjoy searching for a solution to issues that may come up with work or school. You have the ability to throw much of your energy into your work endeavors, however you may become a workaholic or overly obsessed with your work or school output. You may fear criticism when it comes to this area of your life, simply because it’s quite important to you. However you have the ability to encourage others to take on difficult challenges, especially those you go to school or work with. Healing may be something you’re interested in, and if so, you have very strong power in this area with natural abilities if you choose to explore it. Some with this placement are better off working as a leader in their profession because they may resent being told what to do by their superiors.

Pluto in the 7th house: This placement frequently represents power struggles within relationships with others. You may find yourself drawn to partners with Plutonian traits, people who are intense, those who you perceive are powerful, and possibly obsessive or jealous. Or on the contrary, close partnerships may bring out these traits in your own personality. The passion and intensity of close relationships may appeal to you, or it may fear you, as you can be resistant to sacrifice your own personal partner for the sake of the relationship. The various themes of power struggles regarding close relationships can manifest themselves in different ways depending on the other planets in the 7th house, aspects to Pluto, and of course the position of other planets like Venus and Mars. Nethertheless, you crave a deep connection with your partner as well as a strong bond. Relationships will be intense because individuals with Pluto on the descendant radiate natural intensity. As Pluto can also represent where we strive for growth and change, a lot of inner growth can be found within your partnerships with others. You enjoy relationships that inspire you to grow and transform different aspects of your personality for the better, which makes it understandable why people with this placement are often attracted to those who they feel are powerful.

Pluto in the 8th house: Here, Pluto is at home and its energy is intensified and strengthened. You are fascinated by Plutonian aspects of life and have a very high level of intuition, even possible clairvoyant abilities. You’re skilled at reading others, even though others have trouble reading you! Your interest in all that is taboo, dark, and mysterious can lead others to question what’s going on inside your head. This attraction to such unusual things might mean you attract unusual experiences. This placement causes you to crave the deeper meaning in life, and you often find yourself interested in the way the universe works. You are able to understand the motives of others and gain a deeper understanding of people than most. You are also gifted in the art of transformation and you feel as though you can transform yourself whenever you want. Your ability to transform your inner self is strong and you are also gifted in self-control. Your healing abilities are powerful with this placement. When it comes to sex, those with Pluto in 8th may crave intense sexual experiences and passionate affairs. A nontraditional approach to sex is common because of your craving to experience intense and unique aspects of life. If there are power struggles, they may be financial struggles shared with a long-term partner.

Pluto in the 9th house: Similarly to Pluto in 3rd, those with this placement have a powerful curiosity and desire to uncover the truth in life. Pluto in 9th enjoys learning and seeks to find the deeper meaning in life. You want to know the purpose of life, and without one it’s difficult to feel satisfied. You don’t follow religion or philosophy blindly and refuse to believe an idea that has little evidence to back it up. What you do believe in is important to you and you can be very defensive about your ideas if challenged in this area. The beliefs you carry are often unique and you’re a very individual thinker. You are confident in your beliefs because you understand the harm of blindly following others ideas, and because you know how important the truth is. You can be an extremely persuasive speaker because of how powerful your beliefs are. You enjoy convincing others of your ideas, although you may become frustrated if you are ignored or dismissed, because you know (or think) you’re probably right. You may undergo many transformations throughout your life regarding your views on philosophy and religion. Travel may inspire inner growth and transformations, as well as higher education.

Pluto in the 10th house: This is a powerful placement that can indicate success when it comes to one’s career and professional setting. People notice you because you have a powerful presence and stand out. This placement indicates an ability to be very ambitious when it comes to excelling in a professional environment. There is a natural ability to apply your determination to your career related endeavors. You’re a natural leader, and that’s how others see you as well, but you may resent authority and being in the position of a subordinate. This could cause tension in relations with authority figures, as you probably feel you don’t need others to tell you what to do, and you’re probably right. You have a natural sense when it comes to responsibility and your powerful presence as well as strength can make you a very persuasive leader. Your career may be very important to you, or if not, your reputation, causing you to protect these aspects of your life. You may undergo many changes regarding your career throughout your life, and have the ability to drop one endeavor and pick up a completely different one.

Pluto in the 11th house: The relationships you form with others may be very intense, and your friendships and social settings will most likely undergo many changes throughout your life. This area could offer great opportunities for inner growth if channeled properly. There are two possibilities for social extremes- having an obsessive attitude regarding friends or social groups/clubs, with a large amount of intensity in this area in life OR you may have a major aversion to socialization or being a part of a group of friends. Being a part of a group may lead you to feel threatened, question your strength/power, or you may have conflict with friends and/or socializing. The intensity can easily be found both repelling and attractive by these individuals. Since this is obviously conflicting, look at the contents of your 11th house for further clues. A benefic planet here, or possibly a well aspected Pluto, will cause more favorable themes of power or power struggles; while malefic planets and disharmonious aspects may cause someone to develop an aversion when it comes to socializing and being a part of a group. Another trait with this placement is that you are probably comfortable with change. Having Pluto in the house of Aquarius gives you an individualistic vibe that others pick up on, and it inspires you to think of social change that would benefit society. Some people may view you as strange, but you probably don’t mind being unique. You get that society has to change and occasionally even fall apart in order to progress and reach necessary levels of development, even when other people don’t.

Pluto in 12th: As Plutonian energy is already secretive and protective, and 12th house energy is what we consider vulnerable and in need of protection, Pluto in 12th is an intensely secretive placement. You probably hide your strength or powerful thoughts from other people in order to protect them! You enjoy having power but don’t need to broadcast it to the world. In fact, you actually prefer calling the shots from behind the scenes. You most likely don’t need others to acknowledge your power in order to feel validated. Another thing about you is that your emotions can manifest themselves very intensely which can be difficult to handle. The good part about this placement is it indicates a great potential for intuition and clairvoyant abilities. You are naturally spiritually gifted, and may test yourself from time to time because your desires can be very intense. Simply by withholding from a bad habit to prove to yourself you don’t need it, your power increases. Although, know that you are at risk for developing unhealthy habits such as drug or sex addiction. You are probably drawn to escapist methods of coping, which can act as a slippery slope for 12 house placements. It’s best to try and maintain self awareness regarding all things Plutonian, as the 12th house can cast a veil of haziness over the planets it contains, making them difficult to interpret. Your passion can make you reckless and take unnecessary risks, and you need to learn to express your more powerful emotions in a healthy way. Spiritual endeavors may be of special importance to you, and are probably great for your inner growth. 

this is one of my first posts! if you liked it feel free to check out my blog  ❤

[anautisticdragon-blog]

Marvel vs. DC

I've wanted to write this one for a while, but I'm going to sum it up before I begin: DC does diversity and social issues better than Marvel could manage in its wettest, wildest dreams.

That's going to annoy fans. So let's even include my personal bias, just as a disclaimer: I'm really not fond of Marvel's lack of continuity, nor am I a fan of Bendis.

With Morrison's New X-Men, Grant looked at the problems which plagued the X-Men and how every time the books would just go back to telling the same stories. He wanted to unshackle these books from that curse, and he set up the means to do precisely that.

He weaved everything together so masterfully, Corporation X, the second mutant boom, the much needed nod to how mutants aren't all just these beautiful poster models, et cetera. Honestly, how can you stand for the downtrodden if you come across as the one per cent?

Being an X-Man must've had an amazing dental, physical, and mental health plan. No one dared to even be anything less than a perfect icon of the status quo, it was basically what Magneto always wanted. It was really quite difficult to distinguish between what separated him from Xavier.

Grant fixed that. Mutants could be less than beautiful and that was okay, mutants didn't always need to have MacGuffin powers and that was okay too. Then, at the very end, he edited the Marvel Universe to remove mutant prejudice.

That's wild.

It's the end goal of everything they'd just been striving for since the '80s, and the reason they had been locked in this neverending cycle. Now the X-Men could tell new stories. Stories about how it was okay to be interesting, diverse, and not just a living god. It was incredible, I had more hope for the X-Men at that point than I ever had.

Marvel retconned it with the very next issue. Prejudice returns, everyone is beautiful again, and every gift Grant gave them was generally pissed over. Marvel hates continuity. They're so wantonly, gaggingly desperate to tell exactly the same stories over and over and over again.

One of the worst casualties of it all was Beast. Before Morrison, Beast was nothing more than a one-dimensional, Silver Age character. Grant gave him a third-dimension, a dichotomy. Certainly, it was a bit of an old trope (Grant loves those), and yet he used it to give Hank McCoy depth he'd never had in all his years as an X-Man.

Bendis took that away. No more feline Beast for us, no more dichotomy, no more third-dimension. Hank is just a Silver Age airhead again.

Marvel is basically Groundhog Day. This is their problem and I promise you this will all tie together and go somewhere. This Groundhog Day syndrome is at the root of all of Marvel's problems, and why DC are trouncing them right now on every story-telling front.

So, they did it with Iron Man, too.

Tony Stark was always weirdly technophobic for what could only be described as a self-made transhumanist. In the Marvel Cinematic Universe, you can see him operating on himself to give himself upgrades. Not in the comics.

Warren Ellis was the first to set out to fix this -- Extremis. Extremis was pretty okay. I'd say it was definitely a step in the right direction, but Tony still had this technophobic edge to his personality that caused dissonance in anyone who had any minor level of familiarity with technology.

Tony seemed oddly unfamiliar with the tech he'd supposedly been building. Had it turned out that -- in fact -- Tony was just a pretty face, and the real tinkerer and putterer was hiding in his shadow? That would've been interesting!

They didn't go that way, though. So they had to cure Tony of his technophobia. From Extremis we moved onto Matt Fraction's run where Tony really learned to trust technology; In fact, it proved to be more reliable and faithful to him than people did. His distrust moved away from technology to authority, government, and powerful figures like the Mandarin. This provided a strong focus, it provided the reader with reasons.

It reminds me of Mark Waid and Eobard Thawne. Eobard, the Reverse Flash, was just a two-bit Silver Age airhead of a villain. Just evil because evil, no more to it than that. Waid fleshed him out by having him become an obsessive stalker, a crazed fan whose vision of Barry Allen was so idealised that the real Barry couldn't live up to it.

This gave Eobard Thawne a reason to be Barry's villain. Similarly, Tony's newfound distrust of very powerful people and authority gave him a reason to distrust a self-styled, preening, entitled figure like The Mandarin. A character who fancifully imagined himself as an emperor.

It also allowed Tony to explore technology and realise that he wanted to spend more time simply working on it and helping to create heroes to combat men like The Mandarin than showboating hismelf. It set up the scene for both Rhodey and Pepper to replace him as Iron Corps.

Continuity! Evolution! A bold new di--RETCON! Now Tony's a technophobe again who was starkly (heh) terrified of his old technology and went back to sticks, rocks, and showboating because that's what Tony does at Marvel.

And this brings me to why I dislike Marvel. You might've heard that their editors actually blamed their push for diversity for their waning sales. It couldn't have anything to do with this Groundhog Day syndrome of theirs. No, no no no. Of course not. It has to be diversity, right?

Well, no. And, weirdly, yes? You see, their attitude toward diversity is inauthentic. It isn't genuine. I think everyone's catching on. That black kid who's going to be Iron Man? That's Cat Beast, you see? Soon to be replaced by technophobic Tony, completing the cycle.

The new Lady Thor? Cat Beast. Falcon as Captain America? Cat Beast. It'll all revert. It's because they don't actually have any passion behind it. Why did Falcon become Captain America? Oh, he and Steve Rogers had an argument and now he's wearing Captain America's uniform because reasons.

Then he got Cat Beast'd, now he's Falcon again. Steve Rogers is Captain America again. Groundhog Day, everyone! It's Groundhog Day!

Lady Thor? Lady Thor is there because... Um, er, other realities? Reasons? No one really knows, but everyone knows that it's a gimmick. It's not really intended to stick. She'll get Cat Beast'd, and ultimately replaced by Man Thor again.

I mentioned the Iron Corps, right?

This is because of how DC handled things with the Green Lantern Corps. The best example I've seen yet of HOW YOU DO THIS RIGHT.

Hal Jordan? He's being a space cowboy. John Stewart? He's leading the Green Lantern Corps. Your old favourite lantern? Heavily featured in the Green Lantern Corps. New, young, diversified lanterns? Meet Cruz and Baz!

DC does do it wrong, occasionally. I feel like what they did with Barry and Wally was just a massive clusterfuck. That Barry is still present as the League's only speedster is depressing, it's very much contrary to the Lantern Corps and it feels a little Marvel-y, to be honest. It's all about the editorial staff pushing their tastes.

So DC isn't perfect. No. Are they doing almost everything better, regardless? Heck yes! Do you care about social issues? Check out Green Arrow, Batgirl & the Bird of Prey. Do you want diverse characters? Cyborg, Blue Beetle, New Super-Man and many others have you covered. Do you long for nuanced stories that cover a character's life outside of being a hero? Superman has you covered. Do you want old-fashioned superhero comics? Action Comics, Justice League, and Detective Comics have your back.

DC is inclusive. And... AND AND AND... DC never, ever Groundhog Days. If DC does something? Then it sticks. This is why I respect them so god damned much. Even if it's begrudgingly, sometimes. You know? They deserve it, they really do.

The New 52 was a failure, they knew that. So, what's to be done about that? Reboot it and just forget it ever happened? No! Do something really clever and make all continuity matter, forever! That's what DC had done up until the New 52, so it's not that unexpected, but it is refreshing.

They could've been cowardly and just set the clock back to a pre-52 state. They did actually have some pieces in place for that (Waverider, Pandora, et al). Instead, they did something much, much more compelling. They made it all matter. So any new characters they'd introduced and fleshed out? They got to stay, along with the old stable!

And that's why DC will always be better than Marvel. I mean, you know, along with the fact that I don't think that DC has featured nearly as much snuff porn and women getting kicked in the vagina as Marvel has given us (thanks, Bendis). So that's also a feather in DC's cap.

Plus, when a woman is empowered in DC comics, it doesn't just feel like a silly, colourful, 'this is my l'il Universe which is separate from everything else' gimmick (looking at you, Squirrel Girl, sorry). They really are there, in the prime reality, and working to make a difference.

Batgirl & the Birds of Prey is better than just about anything that Marvel has done in its long history. So we're back to being inclusive, can I talk about that some more? Young readers? You've got young, experimental comics with the Young Animal and Wildstorm imprints. Gay audience? You're covered, too! Especially notable, here? Apollo & Midnighter.

When DC does it, it feels authentic, real, and genuine. They put a lot of heart into the story, to set things up. It's a long, drawn out process of handing over the mantle or switching focus. Sure, they screw up occasionally but for the most part they get that right.

It's not BOOP DIVERSITY GIMMICK, which is very much Marvel's schtick. It's why no one is satisfied with Marvel, not even an old, haggard "SJW" like me. I see Marvel's insensitive, tacky gimmicks for what they really are.

If Marvel cared to understand how to do this even remotely right? Apollo & Midnighter, Batgirl & the Birds of Prey, Shade the Changing Girl, New Super-Man, and... Doctor Endless.

Oh. My. God. Doctor Endless. Here's why I'm inspired to write this. It's not just a tacky BOOP DIVERSITY GIMMICK thing, it's not a magical one issue replacement of an existing character. They put in the effort to create new characters that people would care about, it shows DC cares.

Marvel, by comparison, feels like a soulless corporate machine. They're doing diversity not because it's ethical, or inclusive, or it makes people feel good, but rather because they think they're widening the net to sell more of their hugely overpriced comics.

If you replace five existing characters with LGBTQ versions BECAUSE REASONS (without any actual reasons) in a one issue span? It's meaningless. It’s insulting. It doesn't carry any weight or gravitas. It's hard for people to get behind that as their new hero because it all just happened so suddenly that it feels like a trick, they're feeling like Marvel will tug the rug out from under them the moment those characters lose popularity. They'll be gone as suddenly as they appeared.

Inauthenticity, a lack of genuineness, and just an air of being con men. Along with an inability to ever change, evolve, or grow. This is what I think of Marvel as being, now. Like I said, they had some really obvious chances with X-Men and Iron Man to grow. They could've launched off of Matt Fraction's stories to set up an Iron Man Corps, it would've been glorious. They could've had a number of Iron heroes, each with their own fleshed out story which is separate from Stark's own. No tackiness or gimmicks needed.

And you know Marvel is going to just Cat Beast every diverse character. Give it a couple of years and no one will ever remember any of these people they invented over a one issue span, no one will remember that Falcon was Captain America because it happened and it was gone again so quickly that it was forgettable.

It's Groundhog Day, everyone! A really gimmicky, shady Groundhog Day!

There are actually a lot of characters like that throughout Marvel's history, who've either been forgotten or have lost most of their development due to Marvel's love of the reset button. DC only flirted with the reset button once and it almost doomed them. They learned from that.

So now that Doctor Endless is here, they're now here to stay. They're always going to be in the DC Universe. Everything is. Grant fucking Morrison is in the DC Universe as The Writer or somesuch. Yankee goddamn Poodle and Captain Carrot are still present. I LOVE IT.

With Rebirth, DC has made a stand. They're not going to use the reset button to fix the time they -- thanks to some poor judgement -- flirted with the reset button. They're leaving that thing well, well alone.

So while Squirrel Girl enjoys a short stint of popularity as one of Marvel's gimmicks (and this kills me because I adore Ryan North and love his writing), off in her own Universe? Black Canary exists in the Green Arrow, Birds of Prey, and Justice League of America books being generally just the most kick-ass woman ever.

I used to be such a Marvel fan, it's funny. It's just that I began to notice their over-reliance on that bloody reset button back in the '80s. It got boring by the '90s and I was fed up of it. Morrison's X-Men and Fraction's Iron Man gave me some, infinitesimal glimmer of hope, but...

I watched DC continue to grow, grow, and grow. I mean, I'd always had some love for DC thanks to the DCAU and the Justice League, but I was iffy about the comics because they took away one of my favourite characters as a gimmicky stunt (and that felt like a very Marvel thing to do). With Rebirth? I couldn't stand it any more.

I can forgive DC for its one, flawed, gimmicky stunt. The horrible, egregious error that was the New 52. I forgive you, DC. It's okay. It really is okay. You've done everything to make up for it.

However, Marvel is doing reboot after gimmicky reboot all the time. GROUNDHOG DAY, EVERYONE! All of those new first issues, and nothing ever, ever changes. It's just a new issue one to tell exactly the same stories, just with a shiny, new gimmick! And when diversity and social issues are their shiny, new gimmick? I feel especially dirty.

DC is as authentic as Marvel is just a soulless, corporate beast who's only in it for the money. Yeah, sure, DC is a company, too. Owned by Warner Bros and definitely also in it for that money, but it feels different. You can tell by reading the comics, it really feels genuine.

If DC has a book featuring women? It'll often be written (and sometimes drawn) by women. If DC has a comic book featuring minorities? It'll often be written (and sometimes drawn) by those same minorities. This is really obvious with New Super-Man, Batgirl & the Birds of Prey, and so, so, so many others. It really shows.

And there are just too many honest-to-god genuine things going on at DC -- for those who pay attention -- for me to think it's all just a bunch of clever ploys to draw in the money. There's too much effort. If you're just doing it for the money, you do it like Marvel, and you'll succeed all the more. Marvel is simply better at making money than DC comics has ever been.

Sorry, DC.

But DC comics puts out some damn good comics. And they're trying. It's not gimmicks, they are trying and I can tell. I love them for trying.

You need only look at Doctor Endless to fully understand why DC are trying, whereas Marvel is just taking the piss (and your money).

It genuinely reminds me of the Nostalgiasaurus Parx thing I was talking about, recently. Where it turns out that the tyrannosaur had feathers and scales, it wasn't merely scaly as has been incorrectly reported so frequently of late. When people heard it really might've been a Nostalgiasaurus Parx, though, instead of a Tyrannosaurus Rex? Well, it was like their football team had won, or something. Fireworks, celebrations, people crying in the streets, riots. Crazy shit.

I guess that some of us want to preserve the status quo no matter what, right? Some just want to uphold that, keep it steady, no matter how much jury-rigging they have to do, no matter how much Don Quixote-esque self-delusionary nonsense they have to engage in just to keep the world as this overly simple construct that they already knew everything about.

Others? Well... I imagine that this is a scale, where it kind of slides and it has extremes. But on the other end of this sliding scale? I imagine that people will become more open-minded, they'll actually want a constant evolution of change borne out of an ever growing understanding. They can accept that the world is changing around them. There are likely traits and quirks that get swapped between and around to dictate where on this scale a person sits, but that's how ultimately it seems to be.

It also, quite interestingly, ties back into the toxic ideals of perfection that some people have and how problematic they are. And the importance of valuing being humble and understanding diversity instead of just upholding the status quo as some kind of holy default state that must never, ever be questioned.

Marvel kind of does the status quo thing. Yeah, they have gimmicks, and tomorrow it'll be a new gimmick, but they're doing the same kinds of stories they always have. Miles Morales comes along and could serve as the Spidey on the Streets role that people enjoy, allowing Peter to slip into the background as an older person and enjoy a family life, perhaps even take on a team leadership role. Growth, yo! But, no... Peter's still a small-time bank robbery solvin' sort of guy. Which makes Miles Morales utterly redundant, since that's what they brought him in to do.

So Morales was a gimmick. Peter being a teacher, then Peter being a CEO? Gimmicks. Nothing will stick. Ultimately, Peter's always going to be dealing with gang bangers and hoods. He's always going to be stuck at that frozen point in history, never to evolve, grow, or change. And that's Marvel.

Which is... why I prefer DC, and that's that, I guess?

[footprinting]

Tarawera 2020 ✨

"So Emma, how does it feel to have so many people you care about running this weekend?".

In an immensely thoughtful few seconds, Nico zoomed right into the heart of everything.

We were in Rotorua to run Tarawera. Friday had been filled with festivities. Saturday was to be the big one. We had a rare few minutes chilling at our shared house of dear friends, in between one activity to another.

It had been a whirlwind of a week. A week previously I had hopped on a plane to see my sister in Perth - and more specifically, her with her newborn wee girl. Winnie was 11 weeks when I visited. She's perfect. We had precious days together just being, and besotted by this tiny niece. After four days: back to Wellington. Sleep. Drive up to Napier. My brother had arranged for all of us to see Elton John at the Mission, in particular for my Mum. Spectacular. It was a colourful rainbow of joyfulness and festivities - no black t-shirts to be seen - and we immersed ourselves in the warmth and music and drank it all in from the grassy field. Then a through the night drive from Napier to Rotorua, arriving at 2am. Sleep. Up again. The weekend was ready to begin. A few of us headed down to the expo and squeals of enthusiasm welcomed people from far afield, with a particular highlight being Marieve from Canada. We leapt and hugged and exclaimed that this could barely be real. It was a feeling that was to continue. Family had shone bright that week. Treasured friends radiated that same meaningful brightness.

Its been three weeks since that weekend. I keep trying to write a race report. When I think of the weekend the numbers and details fade away. It's the feels that stay with me. Love. So much love. Highs. The highs that were stratospheric. Lows. When I hear someone had to quit from the event, or when my heart falls to my feet with worry for someone else who's not doing well. Thankfulness. For all the helpers. Bewilderment. At learning to accept help. And then: more love.

No pain. No pride. No rah rah rah I'm amazing. I read a book about ultra running this week. It missed a point. It was about pushing and striving and being hard. But nothing of what it means to build a family of people who gravitate toward these same meaningful journeys we go on. And that's the real story I want to tell. Nor is the photo of a medal or a jump or a selfie. It's of a torn up hand, raw; holding two gifted daisies in wonderment from two cheering kids.

(Here's the disclaimer that you're going to need a coffee, an Ultra IPA, or a big swig of electrolyte to last the distance on this read. Settle in!)

Friday was magic. Zooming around the race check in and expo and seminars and friends was like a trail running Disneyland. I could feel myself getting nervous for Chris and for Rachel, both in for the big dance of 💯 with me. Marieve called BS on my thinking: "Hey! You're racing tomorrow! Look out for you too!". She settled my mind for the better. Strong friends know to look out for strong friends. We found quiet oases of time. We had prepared a lot back in Wellington, and this helped gift us spare hours and relaxing. Bed. Early. Reasonable sleep -- never excellent the night before -- and we woke before the 3.50am alarm.

Saturday started with a series of familiar steps. Shower. Coffee. Bircher muesli. Whispered conversation. Our bags for the day re-checked. Out the door we went. In the dark we walked the fifteen minutes to our 5am bus. The drive reminded us the scale of the journey ahead of us. Winding roads took over an hour to the start line. It rained. We were grateful for this: not too hot, and the first rain for this scorched town since Christmas. The start line was a colourful blur of people, many focused on toilet logistics. We assembled on the start line. We were ready. We look into each others eyes, Chris especially, and with Rachel, we grasp each other with meaningful words. We set off.

I was calm. It was surreal, being back in this field, where I had been three times previously. Always a finish line to amazing days. This time was the beginning. We wound ourselves around fields and the trail. Two figureheads were clapping and cheering on the edge of a high up field: Paul, the race founder / beautiful human and Kerry, previous winner / coach extraordinarre / comedian and these guys are two of the biggest hearts around. Both have been gateway drugs for us into trail running and I admire them immensely. "Hey Paul! Hey Kerry!" I yahooed up at them. They both returned with a HEY! EMMA! and Kerry yells "Right folks, run with her today, she's the cheeriest runner around!". On we weave in this dreamlike but focussed state. They are new trails we're running when we get past the fields. Beautiful. I see great whirlpools of deep water alongside the weaving track. It's going to be warm today but we're still comfortable. We get into the foresty road after 5 or so kilometres. I'm excited about this section. My legs start moving more easily, eager to settle in to some happy miles.

And then. Kilometre 9 or 10. On a piece of gravel barely the size of a fingernail. I'm flying. I go down. I'm up and running again before I dust myself off. The guys around me got a fright, as much as I did. "I'm getting the fall out of the way for today!" I jest. Adrenaline keeps me going. It stings. My sunglasses are done for, the front of my clothes dusted up. I wash myself off a bit at the next aid station. This is a return of a shakiness that's bugged me since the end of last year, a previous fall on a trail. It's ok. I recalibrate. I'm feeling ok and I know I'll be fine, alongside the need to be careful.

Kilometres 10 through 35 tick along happily. It's flowing and beautiful. Never boring. The light is already rising over the trees. My phone is purposefully tucked deep inside my bag. I absorb it all instead. The flowy paths. The cheer and vibrancy of the aid stations. The banter. People ask me sometimes what I do not to get bored when I run. So many hours! They say. But this was all encompassing. Connected. I dove into conversations in my mind that I needed to have, and occasional ones with trail friends.

At kilometre 35, Tarawera Falls, it gets a bit more technical, and again going through Tarawera Outlet. It is magestic at the Falls. Those deep, dark whirlpools. I run past one amazing vista after another. At the fifth or sixth jaw dropping viewpoint I relent. It's time to get a picture. The trail running fairies will give me demerit points if I don't capture this magic. And so I do. On we go. Each of these aid stations is such a lift. People! Colour! A hive of activity and people looking deep into your eyes offering help.

Through Tarawera Falls to Humphries Bay to Lake Okataina, kilometres 35 to 58, is the most technical of the day. Gorgeous, tricky, playful trail. I'm slower than usual here. I charge my watch during this section; biffing it into my bag in it's entirety with the charger. I hear it chirrup with each kilometre. But I don't need to see the pace. People are slowing, tired, grumbly sometimes. One person behind me audibly swears every time she hits a tree root. Which is very often. Loudly. Distracting. I zoom on a bit to get ahead. I'm ticking along and managing energy all ok. I realise here that my time goals have galloped on. I won't hit the number I had in mind. And that's ok. I make peace with it. The day is more important. Later I reflect on this: was I not hungry enough? How much more could I have done? But I'm at ease. It's ok. I settle in. I'm more than half way, relaxed, and I've still got some work to do.

I see the sign indicating an aid station up ahead, cruising into Okaitaina at kilometre 58. For the people that have run Tarawera: we recognise this aid station sign in a nanosecond. It is magical. The simplicity of red lettering on white background simply saying 'Aid Station, 200m' brings with it floods of endorphins, a feeling of possibility, and the knowledge that people will be on the other side of that sign. I am floating now, skipping along the end of the trail as I reach it. There's something more here though. A megaphone. A women in a wedding dress yahooing at me through the megaphone. Hallucinations??Nope. This could only be Lesley, spectacularly inspiring fearsome badass lady and coach extraordinarre Lesley! We each leap and embrace and squeal and then she runs in her wedding dress to help me with what I need, talking to me through the megaphone the whole time. What do I need? How am I feeling? Hurry the heck up she says, we'll sort you right out! In a blur of joy I'm getting my stuff, being covered in sun lotion by a lovely lady. ("This reminds me of looking after kids", she says with handfuls of sun lotion and I say it must be my childlike glee). I see a really special colleague at my left elbow, who's supporting a friend. I ask how her day is doing, how her friend is doing, and before I know it I'm being chased right out of the aid station by Lesley. Chop chop she says, get right out of here! On I go to chase the next hill, the last 2 minutes a blur of people and wondrousness and noise and hilarity. That was the first aid station all day of supporters (alongside volunteers) and I realised even more then how much I valued their company.

I head into Western Okaitaina Walkway. The next section is the longest of the day, 16-17 kilometres. It will be a slog. Except it's not. Not too bad. I had literal nightmares after I ran this twice the first year, the first ultra ever and in a tropical cyclone, an apocalypse of mud that was neverending. I would wake for years later being right back there, skiing in ankle deep sludge. I'd remember the feeling of standing in the shower afterwards, all my clothes on and even shoes, the mud still stuck on me. Now? It's a beautiful winding trail. Birds chirrup as do cicadas. There's dense bush and flowy trail. Sure, it takes work. But it's special. And I'm grateful for the tree cover and a reprieve from baking sun. It could be hotter, or more barren. I get it done.

Afterwards someone says to me: you couldn't have a constantly negative attitude running ultras, could you? The positivity must help. And it does. Positivity alongside realism. Sometimes you get tired. You problem solve. You keep on. You're in it for the big picture. You embrace the ups and downs. I realise here what I've got Chris into, and Rachel too, each running their own days behind me. I feel guilty. They'll be so tired. It's so long. I'm tired too. I'm doing the maths on the course and I'm already seeing it will run a little long. But there's work to do: I focus on keeping my feet flowing and running within my abilities. I recognise some of the trail, and always find new bits I'm seeing as if for the first time. Each brings with it sets of memories. And onwards I go.

I reach Miller Road, after 17k through the up and over of Western Okaitaina Walkway. "Heck am I happy to see you!" I exclaim, and I'm not the first that day to say so. I fill myself up with ginger beer, being careful to keep things simple with food, I'm getting closer to the finish line now (at 75k) but there's still a long way to go. I see a couple of running heroes waiting for a friend of theirs: one heckles me, one heckles him for heckling me and with kindness. It feels good to run downhill on the gravel road. I belt it a little bit. These legs still work. My mood has stayed mainly high for the day. There'll be wobbles every so often. But all solvable. I see so much of the beauty. I feel so bloody lucky to be out here. The only thing I have to do is keep moving.

I come into Okaitaina campground where we camped last summer, and on next to the magnificent new boardwalk around the lake. My feet have been scratching at me. You don't mess around with these things: if it's almost a problem now it will be a problem in a few kilometres and then a Very Big Problem a few kilometres after that. I had meant to change my socks at Okaitaina before I sped out of there like a racecar in a highly tuned pitstop (led by Lesley in a wedding dress). I have spares in my bag. So I take a seat at the next opportunity, peel off my shoes and socks, wipe off my feet, and luxuriate in the ridiculously amazing fresh socks. Plus a quick message to Chris (I love you and I hope you're having an amazing day and here is where I am and things are good) and my friend who'll be waiting to join me (I'm running late I say, I'll be there as soon as I can!). A selfie is a must to a group of girlfriends. And: all this takes 7 minutes. Seven. The best. Could I have kept on without it? Of course. Might it have bitten me later by not changing? Likely. Was it worth it for my mind? Hell yes.

Off I zoom (lol - off I creak) further around Lake Okaitaina, then Okaitaina township, then into Tennant's Track, then on to Blue Lake. I'm always in awe of the thousands of hours volunteers are investing into the event. And so many marshalls sitting on corners are doing exactly that through here. I notice and I thank them and I keep on. Tennant's Track is pretty cut up and rooty, and there's lots of concentrating happening. I pop out near Blue Lake - and there are supporters! - yay! Maybe it's 20 kilometres to go now, and this is all feeling more possible. Around Blue Lake I go, maybe slower than ever, with a highlight being when I hear Stu Milne at my elbow. "Gidday Emma!" he says, as he speeds into view. Holy shit! my blurred mind exclaimed, Stu - you're winning the miler?? It wasn't far off: he was the pace runner for the first placed 100-mile runner, and the two of them floated along these smooth delightful trails at a speeding pace that I'd run a fast 10 kilometres in.

I come into the Blue Lake aid station, again to familiar faces, and again so grateful for the people that give up their weekends to help us in ours. There's a photo Julia took of me coming in here and I'm full beam, OMG PEOPLE and in realising the end is nigh. I know the trail from here and I am already looking forward to seeing more people I love. The sun is low as I run through the Redwoods. The light is very special. It's paradise. Still very hard. But there's no doubting it's special here. I look down at my watch and I know that there are more hills to come. But on we go. We got this. Bending around corners and over hills. Onwards. Through here there is a cluster of three people, of an adult and two kids. Each kid gives me a single daisy. Great job! they say. I almost lose it in a flurry of emotion. I high five them and thank them hugely. I promise to carry the daisies with me. They are in my palm for a long time, and then in my pack pocket. These are the things I remember.

On and on deep into the Redwoods. And then. We're getting there. The aid station is further than I remember. Now I can see the cars and hear the music with the people. With this there will be 7 kilometres to go. I am already anticipating seeing Kate's face, her energy as we run together for that last bit, what it means to share that time after she's been waiting. I get there. I see her! But hang on: there are more people. Abi is also going to run. Jaime, Nico, Richard and Julia are all there too. What's happening?? They are there to cheer and yahoo, especially. This lifts me so high that I feel like a whole new person, a new day, a new run. Off we set in our trio. "Tell me everything about your day!! How are you?? I can't believe you're here after already running the 20 today!!" I say, I want to know everything and hear everything and drink in their own achievements of what they've done. (Also fun tip: asking questions is a super great way of getting your breath back a tiny bit). Along we gallop, them steering me in the right direction and cautioning me of all the various bumps and dangers and mile markers of how far to go. I feel cocooned and accept the help. I feel like the luckiest ever.

There's more.

Lindsay and Mel are on a corner. They leap up and down. They have their running shoes on. They are here to join us. We are now a fivesome.

The sun is reaching the lake now and the water is ablaze with pink, reflecting the glowing skies. The light is otherworldly. It's like a storybook. And with these Queens. The best.

Michelle joins us in a field. All these people have already crushed a race of their own - and are running, again, a quietly planned flourish to end this shared day. We're collecting people! Then Mal. Jaime. Nico. The pace is getting faster and faster, we're almost there, and faster still when they tell me the beer tent is closing. (Jokes. But it helped). Nine of us round the corner into the finishing chute. We're there. I leap over the finish line and in the background you can see people. The crew. My loves. Hands held up high in cheers. We did it.

Kerry is on the finish line commentating, a book end to the day. He was there at the beginning and here he is on the finish line. I thank him. This is not a day of sleep for him, nor much even in the month prior. He's a cornerstone to many peoples journeys and has been part of mine in recent years. We share words. I thank him for making friends on that bus all those years ago on the first Tarawera: You think you've come for a run, he said, but you are going to stay for the people.

Around the corner into the aid tent I go and I want to zoom right out to hang with these cherished people (and to lay horizontal in the grass). Want do you want to do now? I say. And I realise there's nothing else to do. Nothing we have to. But to be. And they spoil me like heck, with those minutes and those hours following being about sharing in the day. Of all our days. I get a shower. We go out for dinner. I get a nap. We go back out to that majestic last aid station.

My voice is scratchy from so many hollers and cheers at the 2am cheer party. This is the final aid station where we spend over two hours. I see Marieve in her last few kilometres, and Rachel, and then Chris. CHRIS! We run the end of his day together too, a story all of it's own, and a very meaningful one. He finishes. We leave the finish line as the sun comes up. It's been more than 24 hours since we woke the day previously.

What a day it had been, in between.

It's never about the day. It's about everything that comes before it, and the learnings, and the relationships that flourish to make it what it becomes. That's what keeps us going back. And that - I don't say this lightly - changes lives.

[topicprinter]

Hello everyone,Recently I have just finished the book "The Startup of you” and I find it a very interesting read. I myself want to become an entrepreneur myself in the future, so it hits me quite hard.As a habit, I summarize this book after I read, and I want to share it with you here. Please excuse my grammatical errors…————————Lessons in a nutshellIn an era where the whole world focuses on the extravagant success of entrepreneurs, Hoffman and Casnocha have brought in a fresh insight on how an entrepreneur can be redefined. It turns out that a person doesn’t have to appear on Forbes’ cover to be an entrepreneur. If one knows how to nurture her/his career path, she/he is no doubt an entrepreneur.In this summary, you will explorewhy everyone has innate entrepreneurial talentswhy being a life-controller is so importanthow to bloom the entrepreneur potentialChaptersIt’s time to let your entrepreneurial instinct bloomIf you want to gain the market, sell something others can’ABZ planning: Always spare an escapePlanning doesn’t take a day; it takes a life“Instead of better glasses, your network gives you better eyes”Not all networks are the sameDon’t let strangers through the door, except for luckRisk: What you avoid can be your biggest opportunityIntelligence is not for show; it’s for learning1. It’s time to let your entrepreneurial instinct bloom“Everyone is an entrepreneur.” The saying doesn’t mean that everyone can, or should, start a company. However, the core value of entrepreneurship lies in the ability to invent and create, which, coincidentally and fortunately, all people are inherited from their ancestors.The definition of “start-up” - a term that is closely related to “entrepreneur” - needs clarifying. It doesn’t necessarily have to be a company or a business of any kind. When our ancestors created caves, the caves were their “start-up,” or the “product” of their creativity. To pursue your dream career is to build a start-up.Why should everyone establish and develop a career or start-up? Needless to say, one’s profession is what helps a person thrive. As the world changes day by day, it’s increasingly difficult to have an assuring and long-lasting career path that guarantees a happy life. Knowing how to create and maintain a career is more crucial than ever before.Because a career is no different from a start-up, entrepreneurial strategies can be adopted when you build a career. Entrepreneurial strategies may include many action plans, but the most important strategy is keeping a positive mindset. Tell yourself that you’ll never give up. Failures are frequent, and success never comes overnight. As long as you keep learning, improving, striving and growing, success would finally come.Quote: “Whether you’re a lawyer or doctor or teacher or engineer or even a business owner, today you need to also think of yourself as an entrepreneur at the helm of at least one living, growing start-up venture: your career.”2. If you want to own the market, sell something others can’tGlobalization comes with both opportunities and threats.The labor market expands rapidly, leading to an increase in high-quality labor. Higher job opportunity for one person means lower chances of success for another. That’s why everyone needs to develop a unique selling point to increase his or her competitive advantage in the job market.Three elements that make a strong competitive advantage are assets, aspirations and values, and market realities. One’s unique selling point can be sold to the market only when these puzzles perfectly fit each other like one fine picture. Therefore, it’s necessary to evaluate the competence of each piece of the puzzle in order to make a perfect portrait of yourself.Assets are what a person owns. They can be physical assets, such as cash, credits, housing, etc. They can also be knowledge and soft skills such as communication skills, public speaking skills, critical thinking skills, etc. Assets would be the first thing that other people see when they look at you and get to know you.Regardless of how many assets a person may have, personal growth cannot be achieved without aspirations and values. Aspirations are the “deepest wishes, ideas, goals, and vision of the future,” regardless of the external world or existing assets. Core values are a part of aspirations: they are what a person considers the most important in his or her life.Aspirations and values serve as the petrol that keeps a person going. If assets are what a person possesses at present, it is aspirations and values that perfect the assets and shape that person’s future. It’s always more motivational to pursue what you are passionate about rather than what you feel forced to follow.The final piece of the puzzle is the market realities. Assets, aspirations, and values only work when put into the right marketplace where you are welcomed. Make sure that the market that you choose is favorable for you to develop to your inner potential. Sometimes, a market that no one but you has thought of, despite being a risky choice, can be the competitive advantage you need.Quote: “No matter what the demand, you’re not going to be most competitive unless your own passions and strengths are in play.”3. ABZ planning: There’s no easy escape without preparationFlickr is considered one of the best web tools for storing, managing and sharing photos in the world. Since its birth in 2004, it’s been consistently developing with more than 5 billion images stored on the websites and 87 million subscribed accounts. However, when it was established, its original plan wasn’t how it seems today.The website was originally a multiplayer online game called Game Neverending created in 2002. Online games at that time supported only a few people playing at the same time, but the developers of Game Neverending wanted to involve hundreds of players at once. They started to create groups and instant messaging on the website to increase interaction. Eventually, they added a function that helped to share screenshot pictures during the game among players.The final add-on surprisingly overshadowed the main purpose of the game in popularity. It was at that time that the developers had to consider dropping the original plan or continuing it. In the end, they decided to part from the original plan and continue with a brand new plan. That was how Flickr became one of today’s most effective photo-sharing platforms.In the career market, situations like Flickr’s frequently arise. Difficult decisions in decisive moments have the power to change a person’s or firm’s destiny. Therefore, these decisions should be prepared firsthand. ABZ planning would support you in carrying out this difficult task.In ABZ planning, the letter “A” stands for Plan A: Aim and Fire (and repeat). Plan A makes use of your assets: develop what you’ve got at the moment and implement them. It includes a string of aims and actions you can immediately implement once you’re ready. When executing plan A, failures frequently occur, but it’s okay. What matters is that you have to try as hard as you can without giving up.When plan A doesn’t work anymore, it’s time for a change - plan B. Plan B is ignited when you pivot using knowledge and experience you’ve learned from failures while conducting plan A.Sometimes plan B is simply an updated version of plan A; sometimes, it is totally different. No matter what, make sure that plan B would help you better to the market compared to the previous plan.If nothing works, plan Z in ABZ planning is the exit plan. Like a lifeboat, plan Z should be much more certain than all previous plans so that it can save you from drowning and ensure your safety. However, bear in mind that floating on a lifeboat doesn’t mean that your life is over. Plan Z is not the end; on the contrary, it is the opening for a new, better plan A.Quote: “There is no beginning, middle, or end to a career journey; no matter how old you are or at what stage, you will always be planning and adapting.”4. Planning doesn’t take a day; it takes a lifeABZ planning is not a kid’s bingo game. It takes a lot of time and consideration to make a practical plan while minimizing potential risks. There are several criteria on which to build this plan.Firstly, build your plan based on your competitive advantage. It’s essential, therefore, that you find your unique selling point before jumping into creating a plan.Your assets would help you build hypotheses, for example, “I’m good at Maths, so I’ll be a financer at Wall Streets.” Each hypothesis should lead to a proper action plan, which would later become different ways of implementation in plan A.Soft assets - knowledge and soft skills - are much more invaluable than hard assets like spending power. Soft assets help people build and maintain their careers in the long run, and they need frequent improvements. Whatever you decide to do next should utilize your skills and broaden your knowledge.The best way to learn is through experiences. Sometimes it takes a little risk to test if hypotheses can become facts, and it’s every entrepreneur’s responsibility to take a risk. However, it’s better to make reversible, small bets rather than risk it all. It’s a part of plan Z - always spare yourself an escape.Use time wisely. Never wait until it’s too late to do something. For instance, you can build plan A and plan B simultaneously rather than consecutively. The first step should be a firm but also a flexible one so that there can be many choices for the next steps.Finally, try not to tie yourself to a specific employer. It’s not bad to be loyal and completely passionate, but flexibility is what makes ABZ planning so useful and feasible. More importantly, maintaining an identity - or retaining the unique selling point - requires you to be yourself, not your employer. Don’t let the position own you; own it instead.Quote: “ABZ Planning isn’t something you do once early in your career. It’s a process as important for someone in their forties or fifties as for a newly minted college grad.”5. “Instead of better glasses, your network gives you better eyes”“World-class professionals build networks to help them navigate the world.” There is a reason why humans have been forming communities and groups ever since they were born millions of years ago. Aside from providing a sense of belonging, surviving in groups creates better proficiency and protection for everyone in the community.If teams are important to individuals, individuals are equally important to teams. A team cannot succeed without its excellent individuals, just like how individuals need support from their teammates to shine their light. Therefore, it’s important to know how to deal with relationships, especially during your career development path.An important principle everyone needs to remember is that giving is receiving. A networker will seek advantages of being friends with another person, while a relationship builder will ask himself what values he can bring to others. All essential and long-lasting relationships are and should be built based on sincerity rather than taking advantage of each other. So, you should be a relationship builder rather than a networker.A relationship that isn’t frequently taken care of is a fragile relationship, no matter how strong it was at the beginning. No one wants an out-of-the-blue email after a long time without contact, so spend time maintaining contact with others. People often fear that they would disturb the other person, but that’s not the case. Anyone would appreciate a friend that takes the initiative in the relationship.The power of social media in the modern era cannot be denied. It doesn’t cost much time or money to make frequent contact on social networks such as Facebook or Twitter. However, it should be noted that the virtuality world isn’t enough. Whenever possible, try to invite people over for lunch or dinner.It’s sad but true that not every relationship lasts forever. In certain situations, there would be no use trying to keep a relationship. The best way to solve the situation is to let the relationship slowly fade away rather than actively delete it. By doing so, trust can remain, and the relationship can still be reactivated at the appropriate time.Quote: “Relationships are living, breathing things. Feed, nurture, and care about them: they grow. Neglect them: they die.”6. Not all networks are the sameIt’s necessary to understand the networks that you want to build. Between personal relationships and professional relationships, it is professional relationships that increase the opportunities to develop a career and improve ourselves.Professional allies are the ones who come first to your mind when you need advice. These people can be your seniors, colleagues, or even juniors at work, but they share a similarity: they’ve earned your trust. Allies are the people on whom you can rely for their consultancy.Allies are so whom you can proactively share and collaborate. They have something in common with you, they share some similarities and interests with you, and you know they’ll work well with you. These traits are vital to figuring out if a person is a right partner for you.Finally, allies are the ones that mean more than just ordinary colleagues to you. You call them friends, defend them, promote them, help them, and stand up for them. A true ally, or in this case, a true friend, would do the same for you. That’s how you realize whether you have made the right allies or not.Weaker ties and acquaintances form an entirely different network. They are people with whom you maintain a friendly relationship without being too close, and you don’t necessarily actively know them. Believe it or not, they are the ones who bring you the best opportunities.Let’s say you and your friends share many interests, which means what he knows is likely to be what you’ve already known. Acquaintances, on the other hand, don’t know you that deeply. Thus, they’ll introduce to you the most unexpected chance, which is both risky and worthwhile.The important key to bear in mind in building relationships is that the networks need to be both broad and deep. While the breadth of relationships helps people reach as many suitable opportunities as possible, the depth of them is what keeps people survive and make the best use of those opportunities.Quote: “There are various types of relationships in personal and professional contexts, from intimate friends and family to polite coworker contacts to medium-strength trust connections. Each type of relationship is different.”7. Don’t let strangers through the door, except for luckSuccess begins with opportunities. Networks and all of the necessary skills are built to wait for the right opportunities. So the question to raise here is: what kind of opportunity is everyone looking for?George Clooney was a B-class actor for twelve years despite his good looks, natural talent, and hard work. It was not until 1994 did he come across his life-changing opportunity: an overly-costed gritty medical drama named ER. There had never been such a drama at the time, so it would be a huge risk for Clooney to accept the main role. But he accepted it anyway. The result was an astounding career that hardly any other actor can dream of.Clooney’s story is an example of having a breakout. “Breakout” is the term implying the unusually rapid growth. There’s no ultimate success without luck. Luck only counts for 1 percent in one’s success, but that doesn’t mean it’s not important.The most important criterion to find and generate career opportunities is to nurture curiosity. Getting used to the question “why” in whatever situation is an important habit. Learning to be curious enhances critical thinking by helping people examine each hypothesis carefully before making a decision.Remember the importance of creating and maintaining relationships? It is one’s networks that bring the best breakout opportunities to that person. The number of possibilities is rather synonymous with the number of people you can connect to.That’s why being in a group or a community plays such an important role in one’s career path. If joining an existing group isn’t what you want, consider creating your own group with specific characteristics that you want to develop and spread within that small community.Creativity and boldness must always exist in any entrepreneur. Great opportunities seldom fit any body’s schedule. Being bold or you won’t ever have the same moment again.Quote: “There are always breakout projects, connections, specific experiences, and yes, strokes of luck—that lead to unusually rapid career growth.”8. Risk: What you avoid can be your biggest opportunitySometimes, risks mean opportunities no one would expect. Risks are a permanent part of life - that’s why being friends with risk, instead of being its enemy, is the best way to deal with and take advantage of it.In a career context, risks are “the downside consequences from a given action or decision and the likelihood that the downside actually occurs.” It is the other side of the coin that always exists; it is the reason why in ABZ planning, there are so many back-up plans supporting each other. In fact, entrepreneurs are bold risk-takers. It takes them years to figure out a list of tips to deal with and take advantage of risks.Almost everyone tends to overrate risks. Humans were born with three main misconceptions to keep them survive, and one of them is overestimating threats.Paying attention to potential threats is necessary, but they can often be exaggerated, especially in situations where people encounter them for the first time. That is when you need to calm down and estimate the risks carefully.There must be a reason that ABZ planning has Plan A and Plan B with numerous implementations before going to Plan Z. When conducting the ABZ plans, remember not to freak out and jump from one plan to the next too quickly. You should first see if how serious the current situation is, then figure out whether it can be reversed or improved by any chance before deciding to change the plan.Some circumstances imply risks to others, but not to you. It’s your mission to critically assess all the probabilities and make your own decision. Moreover, questionable situations can also be the best opportunities. In conclusion, being bold and calm will help you win against yourself.Quote: “There’s competition for good opportunities. And because of that, if you can intelligently take on risk, you will find opportunities others miss.”9. Intelligence is not for show; it’s for learningEntrepreneurs don’t only create, they also learn from their creation process. It is the ability to learn actively and synthesize information that gives that person the most potential to be the best in his or her chosen field. These ultimate skills would determine if a person wins or loses in the end.Gathering information in the business context is often called “gathering intelligence.” Intelligence in this context is “actionable, timely information on all facets of the business.” In other words, intelligence is what makes up a person’s skills and experience, and is shaped through learning and self-improving.Learning from others is the best type of learning. The best way to earn intelligence, therefore, is through one’s networks. Again, this is another reason why building relationships is so essential: it plays a role in almost every aspect of building a stable and successful career. The stronger and broader is a person’s networks, the more he is going to learn.Pulling the right information, or intelligence, from your networks, is another skill that needs enhancing. Before asking questions, regarding the breadth and depth of your relationships. No matter if you ask a mass number of people at the same time or each individual, consider the status of those relationships carefully before thinking of questions.It is vital to know how to ask good questions. A vague or too broad question would be difficult to answer, and it can even show that you’re not thinking critically before asking. Make sure that your question does not annoy the questionees, and don’t ask things that are too obvious.The final step would be synthesizing information. It’s important to spend time rearranging all the information you’ve got into one big neat picture. Only by doing this can others’ information become yours. To sum up, “good synthesis is what makes the whole worth more than the sum of the parts.”Quote: “How you gather, manage, and use information will determine whether you win or lose.”SummaryIn the end, there is no fixed list of tips that guarantee one’s success. Every person is an entrepreneur, which means everyone should have his or her own way to shape his or her life. Consider this book as a guideline for you to explore your entrepreneurial potential. The rest of history is in your hands.——I have a few more summaries if you'd like to read. DM me your email and I’ll share with you my GDrive :)

[fricklefracklexpress]

Is There Life After Idol? (2014)

"True beauty is something that attacks, overpowers, robs, and finally destroys." - Yukio Mishima

Finding a mysterious idol game, one man glimpses heaven... and is then cast back down to earth. Can anyone hope to recover from love? By Nacchi. Lyrics translated by Honya.

Part I: Baby maybe Koi no BUTTON

The alarm clock rings. Another day. Another sunrise, another empty promise, another agonizing cycle of seventeen-thousand breaths – no, not agonizing.

Even that would be an emotion. Even that would be better than this.

I turn to the clock. It is ticking, far too slowly, as seconds fall off my life. Each click sounds another moment between me and the self I've always wanted to become, widening an eternal gulf. But, of course it does. Humans begin dying the moment they're born; it was naïve of me to think dreams would be any different.

Next to it, in a shattered frame, a single worn photograph.

So, tell me, Hanayo. How am I supposed to go on living when there's nothing left to live for?

Of course, I already know the answer to that. That was the price I paid for my ambition; in embracing that single glorious dream, I had to have known that my recompense would be this purgatory – the greatest curse, to live beyond success.

It was only three months ago. It feels like an eternity now; those days are separated by the void we call “finality”, forever shining on the other side of the cosmos. I was still a legitimate human being then. I can see the transformation in my mind's eye: the weight dropping off, the stubble taking root, the gauntness of body and soul beginning to manifest. Under the steady pressure of time, the corpse rots; the glowing life is forever snuffed out, and hope sluices from the frail frame as it decays.

Do not pity this cadaver. It is already dead, without soul or humanity. It has been dead since it chose to strive for ecstasy. Perhaps that emotion was itself fatal, overloading a system adapted only to a monochrome series of days.

No. Ecstasy wasn't fatal; it was addictive. Within that moment of contact, it had cruelly intertwined with my essence, become necessary for survival.

And then, it had left.

When I had discovered the game, it seemed like a divine windfall. Free of charge. Free of judgment. Just a fun little diversion, a swirling menagerie of tiny delights. I quickly became hooked, and as I spent more and more time with my idols, I had less and less to dedicate to my job, my family, or myself. My wife grew envious. I could see the darkness overtake her, as she began to resent my new happiness. She was “concerned”, and she made it her mission to destroy every bastion of solace I could find. She wanted to go to bed when I was playing; she wanted to talk about my work when I was playing; she wanted me to make dinner for the kids while I was playing.

One day, I simply abandoned everything. I blocked every number I could think of, stepped out into the rain, and called a taxi. I traded my once-comfortable home for a tiny apartment. No matter; the home had become a cage. Full of distractions from the only thing I cared about anymore: My idols.

I began to sell off my possessions. I felt no attachment to the material world anymore. My suit could buy me around 100 Loveca gems, my watch 200. When I had sold everything I owned, I returned home for the first and only time. Someone had changed the lock, but I could make out the silhouettes of my wife and kids gathered around a television set. I left.

Then, the unthinkable happened. I achieved a high enough rank to unlock new content instantly, and had collected and idolized every girl. Certainly, I could have waited for each update, exhausting each new content as soon as it arrived – with my near-unlimited supply of Loveca, I could play forever. But... I couldn't bear the wait. I couldn't bear returning to my normal life. Watching the anime and consuming all possible content sustained me for one sleepless week. But then that was over too, and it seemed I would have to confront reality.

I couldn't do it. I secured a prescription for sleeping pills, hardly a difficult task given my exhausted state but the only time I had left my apartment in months.

As I sat in bed, gazing up at the constellation of characters I had pinned to my ceiling, I had one last thought of comfort: people used to think that when you died, you became part of the stars. Perhaps...

As I shivered, the container of bright, sugar-coated capsules rattled in my hand. Candy for adults.

Rebirth. That was another ancient belief. The glorious hope that when you faded away, you would remanifest in some other form – thus life was not something to be wasted and discarded, but a constant stream wending its way through the fabric of the cosmos. If I were reborn, I knew I would want to become an idol. But even in reincarnation, would that be possible for a soul like mine?

My lips parted slowly as I gathered my will for the final act.

Honoka, Kotori, Umi, Rin, Maki, Nico, Eli, Nozomi... Hanayo... Here I come.

I tipped back the container, and waited for the darkness to descend.

Part II: Bokura no LIVE Kimi to no LIFE

I awoke groggy and drenched in sweat, as if from a bad dream. The scent of cherry blossoms filled the air, clearing my hazy mind.

Behind me, I could just make out an imperious tablet attached to the red wall.

“Otonokizaka High School”... Could it be?

I looked down at my hands. I didn't look any different. Maybe a bit healthier than I remembered, better-rested, but still undeniably me. What was going on?

“Heyyyyyyyyyyy!”, a voice called from across the courtyard. That voice...

Nozomi Tojo was standing before me. Shocked, I tried to think of something to say.

“You're my least favorite girl,” I tried. Shit, bad choice.

She either didn't hear me, or pretended not to.

“Nabocchan, we've been waiting for you!”, she sang. Nabocchan was the username I had chosen. “Are you ready to manage us and direct live performances?”

I felt like I was receiving far too much information, far too quickly. But it didn't matter. I had trained for this more than anyone else. I had been born to do this. I nodded.

The next few weeks flew by like a dream. I scouted, formed a group, and carried out a few minor performances. The bond between me and the others grew; I had become part of their world, just as they had become part of mine. Looking back, those were the only days of my life where I was truly happy.

All too soon, the big show had come upon us. We were asked to play in front of the whole school, during lunch – this would be the performance that made or broke us. Truly, an Expert Mode- worthy gauntlet. Our setlist covered the three aspects of idoldom: Pure, Smile and Cool – more specifically, we would start with Mogyutto "love" de Sekkinchuu!, continue with Aishiteru Banzai!, and end with Wonderful Rush. The required LP alone would make this show require a veteran idolmaster. It would require... Me, Nabocchan, the rising star of the idol world!

The performances demanded such attention that I hardly remember doing them. The set passed by as a flurry of circles, a neverending string of commands... But I rose to the task, and by God, my girls didn't miss a beat.

What I do remember is the celebration afterward. We had made it. We were a recognized idol group now, and Otonokizaka High had been saved – and it was all thanks to me.

As I was hoisted up by my legion of beautiful girls, the sun shone down upon my face, and I finally understood – this was the meaning of life. To give it your all, and achieve your dreams. Just like these idols had been singing about all along.

I smiled, raised high above the crowd. The wonderful afternoon was so warm and comfortable, and I had worked so hard on the performance, that I dozed off right there.

Part III: Snow Halation

Painful consciousness invaded my mind, a familiar feeling now. My head felt like it had been split in two, and my stomach was in agony. Something smelled awful.

I opened my eyes to find that my face was caked in vomit, my pillow stained with dried bile. Small capsules littered the floor, and half-digested ramen was spread across my sheets.

I rose slowly and gingerly tiptoed to my phone. I had to use up my LP for today, in order to regenerate them as soon as possible.

LoveLive booted up as it always did, and Hanayo appeared.

“White rice is so amazing,” she cried. “I wonder how it gets so white...”

The same greeting as always. Had nothing changed?

I called her name, but she didn't respond. We were apart again, flung across the banks of the Milky Way. The thin glass screen was an impermeable barrier, separating me from happiness for all of eternity. I broke down there, swiping my framed photograph of Hanayo off my end table. As I wept, I slammed my phone again and again into the ground, making choking noises, as if to release the hope trapped at the bottom of Pandora's Box.

When I stood back up, I saw that my screen was broken, and my idols were gone. Outside, the first snows were drifting gingerly down. My legs buckled, and I embraced sweet oblivion.

Idol. A figure of devotion, representing divinity. A receptacle for emotion, yet one incapable of reciprocating it. How could I have been so foolish...

I tried to call up my wife, to explain my mystical calling. To explain the only time in my life where I had been worth anything. She hung up.

No one would believe me. None of them could stomach the truth that even someone like me could be something at one shining moment, that even I could touch my dreams momentarily. It was of no consequence. As winter faded and the snow melted, it was time for me to leave behind my empty shell.

It was Christmas Eve when I stepped out into the world for the first time in what seemed like eternity, and the last time for all of eternity. As if bearing a sacred ark, I held the Best Live! Collection disc. The streets were decorated for the new year, aglow with lights and awash with festive cheer. The snow shimmered in the winter sun as I stepped upon its virgin surface, defiling the white perfection.

Without really knowing where I was going, I found that I had traveled to my old home. Did I want to see my kids? My wife? Or was it simply muscle memory?

Regardless, fate would not be so kind. Other people had taken up residence there, a young couple. I wondered what I must look like to them, with only a moe T-shirt and boxers to stand against the biting winter air. They hung at the window for a moment, promising human contact, then they too faded away, the curtains sweeping shut. I had yet again been denied the warmth of companionship.

I kept walking, until I found myself in a park. The streets were empty, and the grass buried by heavy snowdrift – it was like the surface of the moon. I looked at my CD one final time, then snapped it in half. The plastic's edge was razor-sharp, and as I touched my hand to it, a sudden warmth burned against the chill.

The warmth comforted me. I saw a thin stream of crimson trickling from my fingertip, quickly losing its heat.

I held the CD against my neck, its curvature gently cradling my delicate flesh, and pulled in a single, fluid motion.

Like a child, I tumbled into the fresh snow. It blushed at my presence, a deep red. I felt absolutely relaxed. The clear sky was truly beautiful.

Laughter welled up deep inside me. I was going to return to my idols, where I belonged. Though I couldn't form the words anymore, I mouthed them, singing along to a few choice lines:

...Before I knew it, my “True emotion” had grown so large.

...It’s painful only seeing it as a dream!

...Shall I name this heartrending pain “Snow halation?”

...It’s vexing but it’s a pure-hearted devotion called love.

[vidmrkting75038]

Maximize Your AdWords Budget for Small Businesses

Maximize Your AdWords Budget for Small Businesses

Most small businesses have only have a small chunk of change for their advertising, which means you cannot afford to be wasting your money in ineffective areas. This post will help anyone with a small advertising spend in AdWords to narrow their target audience in Google search results. Following the three sections will make sure your ad is there at the right time and place for the right customers.

Setter-and-forgetters can skip this post. This is for those that want to take actionable steps to up their advertising game and maximize their precious, hard-earned moola.

Danger Zone: Use These at Your Own Risk

There are certain features you want to avoid while running Google AdWords, unless you want Google making the decisions for you. Many of the suggestions in this article can only be implemented when not using these settings. If you want to take that next step with your AdWords account, its best to leave these alone.

AdWords Express Account

Google offers AdWords Express for quick account set ups for those who do not have much time on their hands. You give Google three lines of information about your business and an ad, and they handle the rest. Sounds appealing, no?

This is the ultimate no-no if you want to have control over your marketing strategy. Although you are getting up and running fast, you have no say in your keywords you will be advertising on and cannot use cool functions, like ad scheduling and location targeting.

If you already have an AdWords Express account and would like to upgrade, you will need to get in contact with Google. Here is a link to get you started.

Search Network with Display Select Campaign Type

This campaign type works similarly to “Search Network only”, but takes your search ad copy and places them on web pages relevant to your keywords across the internet. There are two issues with this campaign type:

You have no way to limit your budget between Display and Search ads, because budget is controlled at the campaign level. Display ads typically use up their budget much faster than Search ads and bring in less relevant traffic.

Reporting and analyzing the data is more difficult with the overlap. This is key in making smart marketing decisions.

To keep it straight, use the “Search Network only” and “Display Network only” campaign types, instead of using “Search Network with Display Select”.

Standard Campaign Subtype

After separating your Display and Search campaigns, you will want to be sure that you are not using the “Standard” campaign subtype, and instead are using the “All Features” subtype. As the subtype name suggests, “All Features” allows you to use all the tools that AdWords makes available. “Standard” is meant for easier set up, but does not give you the ability to maximize your accounts potential.

Narrow Down Your Targeting

Google AdWords is an endless wall of advertising space. You have so many places that you could hang your ad on the wall, but every person who inquires about it costs you money, even if what they were looking for is in a different city or they are using a homograph of your service to describe what they want.

Luckily there are ways to curtail these inquiries and make sure you only reach serious buyers.

Only the most serious of buyers

Ad Schedule

Within each campaign setting, you can create bid adjustments for different times of the day and days of the week. If your business only runs during specific times, then you can use this feature to run your ads only during these times. You do this by decreasing your bid adjustment by 100% during the times you do not want to show your ad. This could be helpful if you are a B2B company that only wants to run your ads during regular business hours, when you have people near the phone, ready to pick up for interested customers.

Alternatively, this feature can also be beneficial during busier times of the day when you want your ads to be more aggressive. You can bid higher during the times and days of the week that your business is busiest. Just be careful, if you have any other bid adjustments stacked on top of each other, these will be multiplied together to a maximum of 900%.

Location Targeting

Many small businesses do not operate worldwide, so it does not always make sense to target someone on the other side of the globe. Similar to the ad schedule, you can select specific locations to target in the campaign settings.

Here you can target cities, regions, states, countries and more. You can even target a specific radius around a location. So if you were running a local ice cream store, you could limit your ad to only those within five miles of your store.

Device Targeting

Every good advertiser has a strong call-to-action in their ad. Whether it is to fill out a form, to make a purchase, or to sign up for a newsletter, there should be an action you want a user to make once they have clicked your ad.

The ability to complete this action can be impeded by the device that the users are using. For example, filling out a long application will likely not be completed on a mobile device or making a phone call for a restaurant reservation is more likely to happen on cell phone.

We can use bid adjustments at either the campaign or ad group level to prefer either computers, mobile phones, or tablets. These bid adjustments can also be used to exclude a device type entirely, just like the ad scheduling bid adjustments.

If you are unsure which device works best for your conversions, let all the device types run and use the Segment feature to see how your campaigns/ad groups/keywords perform for each of the device types.

Long-Tail Keywords

Choosing the right keywords can make or break your AdWords account. For Search campaigns, they are the tool of communication with Google to place your ad on the expansive advertising wall. To use your AdWords budget effectively, it is best to give Google keywords that have high intent and are directly relevant to your business.

Keywords with high intent tend to be long-tail keywords. These are keywords that include additional detail about a product or service. Here is an example, where the keywords on the left of the graph are generic, high volume keywords and the ones on the right are long-tail keywords:

Long-tail keywords not only tend to convert at a higher rate, they also have the tendency to cost less per click, because they have less competition. This is how you are able to get more bang for your buck with long-tail keywords compared to the high volume short-tail keywords. Ubersuggest.io and Answer the Public are great tools to help you find long-tail keywords.

Keyword Match Types

Another way to keep out the lower performing traffic is by using more specific keyword match types. Keyword match types tell Google how broad they can extrapolate a keyword. For example, the broad match keyword coffee mug might match into search queries about coffee beans or the average consumption of cups of coffee. Broad match keywords can be a great way to find new keywords for the account, but unless you have a large budget, you will feel better knowing you did not spend money on a click searching on national statistics on coffee consumption.

With a limited budget it is best to stick to exact, phrase, and modified broad match types. If you stick to these 3 match types you are ensuring the keywords that you are using have to be contained somewhere within the user’s search queries.

Don’t forget to add negative keywords whenever you find search terms that you don’t want to spend your budget on!

Always Strive for Continuous Improvement

Now for the neverending story of AdWords: testing. The best way to improve your account is to always test ad copy, landing pages, bidding strategies, and more and then compare the results to past performance. The more you learn, the better, even if you find out the test did not work. At least you learned something.

Don’t let your account get stuck in a performance rut

There are many important metrics that you will want to try and improve upon when trying to maximize your budget’s effectiveness, like conversion rate, clickthrough rate, and cost-per-click, but one you might not have been aware of is your keyword’s Quality Score. This metric determines how much you are going to have to bid for specific locations on the page. An advertiser with a Quality Score of 10 would have to bid 1/10th the amount as an advertiser with a Quality Score of 1 for the same ad position. Every point that you can boost your Quality Score will make you that much more competitive and save you some extra dough for more clicks.

You can increase your Quality Score by improving your ad copy relevance to the keywords you are targeting, increasing your expected clickthrough-rate of an ad, and improving the landing page experience. Simply put, you can increase it by experimenting with different ad copy and by testing new landing pages.

Whatever you are testing within the account, always try to keep all variables within the experiment constant besides the variable you are testing. So for example, if you are testing ad copy, try to only test either a Headline or the Description Line, never both at the same time. By doing this you can attribute the differences in the performance to a specific change and take action from what you have learned from it.

If you are spending money with AdWords, you might as well take full advantage of its capabilities. Setting up the bare minimum is better than nothing, but you are not going to make your account more effective by letting the account sit there unchanged month over month. Hopefully, you can take a few of the suggestions from here, apply them, and take your new, hard-earned conversions and learned customer behavior to the bank!

http://ift.tt/2gXPADC

[duilawyer72210]

Maximize Your AdWords Budget for Small Businesses

Maximize Your AdWords Budget for Small Businesses

Most small businesses have only have a small chunk of change for their advertising, which means you cannot afford to be wasting your money in ineffective areas. This post will help anyone with a small advertising spend in AdWords to narrow their target audience in Google search results. Following the three sections will make sure your ad is there at the right time and place for the right customers.

Setter-and-forgetters can skip this post. This is for those that want to take actionable steps to up their advertising game and maximize their precious, hard-earned moola.

Danger Zone: Use These at Your Own Risk

There are certain features you want to avoid while running Google AdWords, unless you want Google making the decisions for you. Many of the suggestions in this article can only be implemented when not using these settings. If you want to take that next step with your AdWords account, its best to leave these alone.

AdWords Express Account

Google offers AdWords Express for quick account set ups for those who do not have much time on their hands. You give Google three lines of information about your business and an ad, and they handle the rest. Sounds appealing, no?

This is the ultimate no-no if you want to have control over your marketing strategy. Although you are getting up and running fast, you have no say in your keywords you will be advertising on and cannot use cool functions, like ad scheduling and location targeting.

If you already have an AdWords Express account and would like to upgrade, you will need to get in contact with Google. Here is a link to get you started.

Search Network with Display Select Campaign Type

This campaign type works similarly to “Search Network only”, but takes your search ad copy and places them on web pages relevant to your keywords across the internet. There are two issues with this campaign type:

You have no way to limit your budget between Display and Search ads, because budget is controlled at the campaign level. Display ads typically use up their budget much faster than Search ads and bring in less relevant traffic.

Reporting and analyzing the data is more difficult with the overlap. This is key in making smart marketing decisions.

To keep it straight, use the “Search Network only” and “Display Network only” campaign types, instead of using “Search Network with Display Select”.

Standard Campaign Subtype

After separating your Display and Search campaigns, you will want to be sure that you are not using the “Standard” campaign subtype, and instead are using the “All Features” subtype. As the subtype name suggests, “All Features” allows you to use all the tools that AdWords makes available. “Standard” is meant for easier set up, but does not give you the ability to maximize your accounts potential.

Narrow Down Your Targeting

Google AdWords is an endless wall of advertising space. You have so many places that you could hang your ad on the wall, but every person who inquires about it costs you money, even if what they were looking for is in a different city or they are using a homograph of your service to describe what they want.

Luckily there are ways to curtail these inquiries and make sure you only reach serious buyers.

Only the most serious of buyers

Ad Schedule

Within each campaign setting, you can create bid adjustments for different times of the day and days of the week. If your business only runs during specific times, then you can use this feature to run your ads only during these times. You do this by decreasing your bid adjustment by 100% during the times you do not want to show your ad. This could be helpful if you are a B2B company that only wants to run your ads during regular business hours, when you have people near the phone, ready to pick up for interested customers.

Alternatively, this feature can also be beneficial during busier times of the day when you want your ads to be more aggressive. You can bid higher during the times and days of the week that your business is busiest. Just be careful, if you have any other bid adjustments stacked on top of each other, these will be multiplied together to a maximum of 900%.

Location Targeting

Many small businesses do not operate worldwide, so it does not always make sense to target someone on the other side of the globe. Similar to the ad schedule, you can select specific locations to target in the campaign settings.

Here you can target cities, regions, states, countries and more. You can even target a specific radius around a location. So if you were running a local ice cream store, you could limit your ad to only those within five miles of your store.

Device Targeting

Every good advertiser has a strong call-to-action in their ad. Whether it is to fill out a form, to make a purchase, or to sign up for a newsletter, there should be an action you want a user to make once they have clicked your ad.

The ability to complete this action can be impeded by the device that the users are using. For example, filling out a long application will likely not be completed on a mobile device or making a phone call for a restaurant reservation is more likely to happen on cell phone.

We can use bid adjustments at either the campaign or ad group level to prefer either computers, mobile phones, or tablets. These bid adjustments can also be used to exclude a device type entirely, just like the ad scheduling bid adjustments.

If you are unsure which device works best for your conversions, let all the device types run and use the Segment feature to see how your campaigns/ad groups/keywords perform for each of the device types.

Long-Tail Keywords

Choosing the right keywords can make or break your AdWords account. For Search campaigns, they are the tool of communication with Google to place your ad on the expansive advertising wall. To use your AdWords budget effectively, it is best to give Google keywords that have high intent and are directly relevant to your business.

Keywords with high intent tend to be long-tail keywords. These are keywords that include additional detail about a product or service. Here is an example, where the keywords on the left of the graph are generic, high volume keywords and the ones on the right are long-tail keywords:

Long-tail keywords not only tend to convert at a higher rate, they also have the tendency to cost less per click, because they have less competition. This is how you are able to get more bang for your buck with long-tail keywords compared to the high volume short-tail keywords. Ubersuggest.io and Answer the Public are great tools to help you find long-tail keywords.

Keyword Match Types

Another way to keep out the lower performing traffic is by using more specific keyword match types. Keyword match types tell Google how broad they can extrapolate a keyword. For example, the broad match keyword coffee mug might match into search queries about coffee beans or the average consumption of cups of coffee. Broad match keywords can be a great way to find new keywords for the account, but unless you have a large budget, you will feel better knowing you did not spend money on a click searching on national statistics on coffee consumption.

With a limited budget it is best to stick to exact, phrase, and modified broad match types. If you stick to these 3 match types you are ensuring the keywords that you are using have to be contained somewhere within the user’s search queries.

Don’t forget to add negative keywords whenever you find search terms that you don’t want to spend your budget on!

Always Strive for Continuous Improvement

Now for the neverending story of AdWords: testing. The best way to improve your account is to always test ad copy, landing pages, bidding strategies, and more and then compare the results to past performance. The more you learn, the better, even if you find out the test did not work. At least you learned something.

Don’t let your account get stuck in a performance rut

There are many important metrics that you will want to try and improve upon when trying to maximize your budget’s effectiveness, like conversion rate, clickthrough rate, and cost-per-click, but one you might not have been aware of is your keyword’s Quality Score. This metric determines how much you are going to have to bid for specific locations on the page. An advertiser with a Quality Score of 10 would have to bid 1/10th the amount as an advertiser with a Quality Score of 1 for the same ad position. Every point that you can boost your Quality Score will make you that much more competitive and save you some extra dough for more clicks.

You can increase your Quality Score by improving your ad copy relevance to the keywords you are targeting, increasing your expected clickthrough-rate of an ad, and improving the landing page experience. Simply put, you can increase it by experimenting with different ad copy and by testing new landing pages.

Whatever you are testing within the account, always try to keep all variables within the experiment constant besides the variable you are testing. So for example, if you are testing ad copy, try to only test either a Headline or the Description Line, never both at the same time. By doing this you can attribute the differences in the performance to a specific change and take action from what you have learned from it.

If you are spending money with AdWords, you might as well take full advantage of its capabilities. Setting up the bare minimum is better than nothing, but you are not going to make your account more effective by letting the account sit there unchanged month over month. Hopefully, you can take a few of the suggestions from here, apply them, and take your new, hard-earned conversions and learned customer behavior to the bank!

http://ift.tt/2gXPADC