#its just that no ones mouth gets on Guillermo's neck but Nandor's

[bottombaron]

you think that if Guillermo said "vampire" to the human or vampire question, Nandor would have been like 😃 ok. *kills Derek and pounces on Guillermo to turn him properly*

because honestly, i think that was the plan if he did.

[beansprean]

Exit Interview

(ID in alt and under cut)

ID: 1a. Bust of Nandor on a streaky blue background, leaning forward on one hand, the other raised in the air, palm-up. His eyes are closed on a nonchalant expression, head tipped down, as he casually states "Then it is settled. You are officially released from your service." 1b. Reverse shot of Guillermo, leaning forward as he stands from a chair, looking up at Nandor with a hesitant smile. He asks, "...That's it? I'm not your familiar anymore?" 1c. Close up of Nandor's left hand settling on Guillermo's shoulder as he responds, "Not my familiar, not my bodyguard..." 1d. Wide shot of them both standing in profile, facing each other, the background now streaked with gold. Nandor smiles down proudly at Guillermo, hand on his shoulder, and continues, "...but a fully-fledged member of the household. And my friend." Guillermo happily meets his gaze, lips pressed around a smile of genuine joy. 1e. Close up of Guillermo, the panel back to the streaky blue as the background beyond the panels begins to lighten to the grey of dawn. The next 4 panels are no longer square but angling inwards as if pulled together by an unseen force. Guillermo leans his head toward the hand on his shoulder, his own hand rising up to hold it, and smiles wide even as his gaze dips shyly. He asks, "So...what next?" 1f. Reverse shot of Nandor barking out a nervous laugh, gaze fixed on Guillermo as he replies, "What next indeed!" 1g. Zoom out to them both in profile, Guillermo's hand still on Nandor's hand on Guillermo's shoulder. Guillermo grins affectionately upwards as Nandor straightens and takes a step forward, nervous grin still wide and frozen on his face. He tosses out his free hand in some kind of shrug and says, "Well!" 1h. Repeat. Nandor steps closer still, and his flailing right hand comes to rest, very gingerly, on the side of Guillermo's face. Guillermo's hand slides down Nandor's arm as his left hand shifts to touch his neck, smile gentling as he blinks in surprise. Nandor's expression softens as well, head tilting slightly as he moves his gaze toward where his hand rests on Guillermo's cheek and he continues, "Perhaps..." 1i. Repeat, closer. Nandor has both hands on Guillermo's cheeks now, head dipping down so their noses are only an inch apart. His expression is almost dazed, as he murmurs, "Just..." Guillermo tips his head up as well, lips parted, his left hand sliding up Nandor's side. Their hooded gazes are each fixed on the other's mouth. The center of the panel begins to lighten with a white-gold glow as the shape continues to distort, parts of the characters stepping out of its bounds completely. The background behind the panels continues to get lighter, and the silhouettes of flying birds begin to fly in, closer and closer, growing lighter a step ahead of the background. 1j. Repeat. They move closer, Nandor's eyes now closed and head tilted as their noses slide past each other, lips only centimeters apart. Guillermo's hand slides up further to press against Nandor's ribs, gripping, his eyes still open the slightest amount as if to ensure this moment doesn't disappear. The panel lightens. The birds fly closer.

2a. Repeat. The center of the panel bursts into bright vertical beams of white and gold, the border bleeding from black to a wall of light as they close the final distance between them. Guillermo's eyes finally close, mouth pushing into the gentle kiss. 2b. Repeat, a wider shot as the glowing light inside the panel breaks the borders completely, flooding into the background as it begins to turn to streaks of purple and pink, birds now flying through the broken panel walls. Nandor pushes forward to deepen the kiss, hands clutching at Guillermo's face, Guillermo's head tilting back further as he presses himself close. 2c. Repeat, wider shot of them both now freely standing in the background, streaks of light blooming into yellow and orange. Guillermo is leaning back even further, fingers digging into the back of Nandor's shoulders as he is nearly dipped, their heads tilting the other way as the kiss continues. Nandor, expression blissful, smiles slightly into it. 2d. Close up in a panel bordered by light, the colors inside bolder and brighter: reds and oranges on top, blues and purples on the bottom, the center streaked with light. Both a sunrise and a sunset. They have broken the kiss and Guillermo has straightened, but they do not part from each other. Nandor's right arm curves around Guillermo's back and his left cups the back of his head, keeping him close as he nuzzles their noses together with a serene smile, eyes closed. Guillermo pushes up into the contact, flushed and smiling, one hand at Nandor's back, keeping them pressed together, and the other sliding up Nandor's chest. Guillermo lets out a breathy chuckle and whispers, "Yeah. That could be next..." /end ID

[chelsfic]

Leftovers - Part 10 - Nandor the Relentless x Reader fanfic

Previous parts: Masterlist

Summary: Nandor attempts to use his powers of hypnosis to heal the reader’s broken brain, Nadja tries to be a good friend, and Guillermo gets something he’s been waiting for...

Warnings: Smut in this chapter!, Female Reader, Hypnosis, Blood drinking

A/N: I hope you like this part! I thought I owed you guys some smut and fluff after the angst of the last chapter...

---

“You are now under my command…”

Nandor’s voice is rich and thick like chocolate syrup. You feel as though you’re sinking under the weight of his influence, falling into his deep, dark eyes and beneath the surface of his droning voice. Your limbs grow heavy and relaxed. It should be a terrifying experience but instead you feel utterly at peace, relinquishing control. Trusting that Nandor will keep you safe.

The vampire swallows, watching the spirit drain from your face with a qualm of panic in his gut. He can do this.

He keeps his hand raised in front of your face, flourishing it as he speaks, “Attend to my words. You will remember the events of the night of the vampire rave. You will regain the memories that were erased from your mind. And...yeah that’s about it.”

He shrugs and lets his hand drop, bending forward to lean his forehead against yours as he holds your gaze, “And now you will awake with your memories healed and the pain gone…”

He leans away, biting his fist in anxiety as he watches you slowly rouse from the trance.

The nagging ache of your erased memories is gone, but in its place you’re momentarily assaulted with vivid images that flash through your mind’s eye like scenes from a movie. You experience the pulsing music and flashing lights of the rave as if you’re really there. You’re lightheaded and dizzy with alcohol and then...a voice making clumsy rhymes into your ear as hands drag you backwards into a shadowy corner. 

“Drug blood chillin’... ain’t no villain… just a quick sip, don’t gotta worry ‘bout killin’...”

Pain. Fear. And then a voice calling casually, “Forget it, boo.”

The memories fade and you finally come back to the present, looking up into Nandor’s worried eyes and smiling unsteadily. 

“It worked,” you say and then you’re falling against him, clutching the front of his shirt and shaking like a leaf.

“Of course it worked,” Nandor replies with a chastising tone. “You doubted me?”

You snort into the fabric of his shirt and hold on tighter. He lowers you both back into the coffin and gently closes the lid, groaning as he settles down beside you.

“Everything is alright now,” Nandor sighs. “Isn’t it?”

“Yeah,” you breathe, wiggling into a comfier position and then adding, “Nandor? Do you know a vampire who raps?”

Nandor’s body goes rigid beside you and he growls, “Fu-cking guy!”

---

The next night, Nadja sits in front of the camera with her arms crossed over her chest and a pout on her red lips.

“I have no idea why such a vibrant, wicked little warrior baby would want anything to do with Sir Snakes-for-Brains…” she shakes her head. “He’s like, ‘Oh! I am Nandor the Relentless! Look at my giant balls while I set your hut on fire!’ What’s the appeal?”

She rolls her eyes and throws up her hands. “But my stupid human child wants what she wants. And he has been making her very sad for days. Enough is enough!”

She jumps out of her seat and stalks down the hallway, trailing the camera operator behind her. As she nears Nandor’s door she catches her heel on the carpet and nearly trips.

“Fucking witches again!” she shrieks before throwing open the door to Nandor’s room.

Nadja freezes in the doorway and the camera guy films over her shoulder. 

Nandor has you laid out on the thick, fur rug next to his casket. His face is buried between your legs and your fingers twist into his hair as you arch your back. At the sound of the door slamming open you tilt your head back and shriek, “Nadja!”

Nadja’s face splits into a delighted grin and she swats the camera crew away behind her.

“My mistake, little chicky,” she trills, slowly backing out. When the door is nearly closed she pops her head back in and calls, “I never should have doubted your vicious seduction powers, mortal! You go girl!”

Nandor raises his head, his lips and beard glistening with your arousal and he whines, “Get out of here! Fucking hell…”

---

You hold out for about ten seconds after the door closes before bursting into giggles. Nandor breaks down with you, his brows arching up adorably as he wheezes with laughter. After a moment, he crawls up your naked body and settles down over you. The hard length of his erection brushes against your heated core and you whine a little with need. He rests his elbows on either side of you, caging you in with his strong arms and leaning down to lick a trail down your neck. Goosebumps erupt over your skin and a pleasant shiver runs down your spine.

“They won’t use that in the documentary, right?” you pant, caught between arousal and worry. You jerk your hips a little, seeking some friction, but Nandor presses down to keep you still.

He drags his fangs over the beating pulse in your neck before replying, “If they do I will rip off their heads and set fire to their villages.”

He twists his fingers into the hair at the base of your skull, pulling your head back to bare your throat. You gulp, overwhelmed with the need for him inside of you. In your fuzzy brain you’re not even sure it matters to you if it’s his fangs or his cock...you just need him.

“Maybe--uh, maybe we could try asking nicely first,” you tease. 

“You are going to make me soft, little mortal,” he complains, nudging your legs apart and lining himself up at your entrance. He presses forward just slightly, enough for you to feel the pressure and the promise of his delicious girth.

You reach down to run your hands along his sides, his hips, cupping his round buttocks and squeezing.

“You don’t feel soft to me…” you laugh and then he’s pushing forward, burying himself inside of you with abandon. His mouth falls open and he darts forward quicker than your eyes can follow, closing his mouth on your tender throat and biting down with a feral growl as he slams inside you.

Nandor shuts his eyes, gripped in the heady sensation of feeding during sex. Sex-feeding. If he’d known it could be this good he would’ve taken a human lover ages ago.

Nandor throws his head back, blood dripping from his chin and onto your naked breasts. He grips your hips, rolling his pelvis against you with unnatural speed until your thighs shake around him and he cries out with his orgasm. 

He falls down beside you, gathering you into his arms and tucking you against his chest with a satisfied purr. You tilt your head back and press your mouth to his, tasting your own blood on his tongue.

“Do I still taste good...now that I’m all impure?” you ask, trying for a light tone, but somehow deeply caring about his answer.

“You taste delicious,” Nandor assures you, burying his face into the crook of your neck and lapping up the slow ooze of blood from your wound. He pulls back, smacking his lips and adding, “Sweet and salty. Like one of your human chocolate pretzel snacks.”

A smile tugs at your lips and you duck your head bashfully. He reaches a hand up to brush his fingers through your hair and you hum contentedly at the feel of his nails dragging along your scalp. 

“Well, that’s all you’re getting for now is a snack,” you sigh, sitting up and stretching your limbs, cat-like. You cover your mouth as a yawn escapes your throat. “I need to go bandage this…”

“Unless…” Nandor trails off, looking up at you with his big, liquid eyes full of feigned innocence. You remind yourself that your boyfriend is a 13th century Persian war lord.

“Unless…” you echo, smirking in amusement at him.

“You wish to make your unholy transition this very night!” Nandor enthuses, sitting up with an eager glimmer in his eyes. “In which case band-aids will be unnecessary.”

You roll your eyes with affection and respond, “We talked about this already, remember? My condition?”

Nandor’s shoulders slump and he looks put out as he replies, “Oh...right. You were serious about that?”

---

The camera is pointed at you as you lounge on one of the couches in the fancy room, biting into a green apple and carefully chewing before you reply.

“I told him he has to make Guillermo a vampire first.”

---

“Knock, knock!” Nandor singsongs, poking his head through the curtain that serves as the door to Guillermo’s tiny room. 

He finds his familiar seated on his sad, twin bed with his laptop open. He’s sipping a Yoohoo and listening to something on his headphones. 

“Master!” Guillermo exclaims, pushing aside the laptop and slipping off the headphones.

Nandor smiles awkwardly, his fangs biting into his lower lip, and asks, “Do you have a moment to talk, Guillermo? I don’t want to interrupt your computing machine time…”

“Of course!” Guillermo answers. “Is there something you need?”

“No, not at all,” Nandor sits down gingerly on the edge of the bed, awkwardly toying with the hem of his cape as he searches for words. “It is what you are needing, maybe. Guillermo, you’ve been a very good familiar to me… I know I have not always been the easiest vampire to work with…”

Nandor pauses for a beat, looking expectantly at his familiar until Guillermo takes the hint and rushes to insist, “Nonsense! You’re...you’re not difficult at all.”

Guillermo’s eyes flash to the camera and instantly dart away again. 

“That’s kind of you to say. But it’s true, I’ve been demanding and… maybe even a little insensitive to your needs. You’ve worked for me for many years and now, I think it’s time for a reward that reflects your service and loyalty.”

Nandor stops and watches Guillermo with a glint in his eye as he waits for his familiar’s reaction. For his part, Guillermo can’t help glancing at the glitter portrait hanging over his desk with trepidation as he asks, “Is it another...craft?”

Nandor scoffs and barely suppresses a grin as he answers, “No, Guillermo. It’s even better than a glitter portrait. I’m going to make you a vampire!”

Whatever reaction Nandor expected, it wasn’t this. Guillermo’s face lights up for a brief instant and then his eyes roll into the back of his head and he collapses into his pillow in a faint. 

Nandor jumps up, leaning over his prone familiar with a frown and exclaiming, “Oh no! He’s died already!”

---

Guillermo awakes a few minutes later, blinking his eyes open to see his master looming over him and flicking droplets of Yoohoo onto his face. 

“Oh, good, you’re not dead!” Nandor says mildly, sitting back and waiting for Guillermo to regain his faculties.

Guillermos’ voice comes out breathless, “You...did you really say you’re going to make me a vampire?”

Nandor smiles, congratulating himself on the surprise as he answers, “Yes! I’m really going to make you a vampire, Guillermo. Tonight. If you’re ready…”

“But…” Guillermo shakes his head slowly, trying to process this news. He’s delirious with happiness but after so much disappointment he can’t help but be skeptical. “Why now?”

“Eh…” Nandor grimaces awkwardly and flicks his eyes to the camera. “It may have been a condition of turning my human into a vampire...She won’t let me turn her unless I do you, too.”

“Oh…of course,” Guillermo sounds dejected and his shoulders slump forward. 

“Unless you no longer wish to become a vampire…” Nandor moves as if he’s about to leave and Guillermo jumps forward, practically throwing himself into his master’s arms.

“No! I want to be a vampire!” he insists, desperation in his tone.

“Very well,” Nandor throws his cape over his shoulder and turns toward Guillermo, “Prepare yourself!”

Guillermo, trembling with nerves and excitement, tilts his head to the side and answers, “I’m ready, master.”

---

A/N: Heeeeyyyoooo, I couldn’t let my baby, Guillermo, have another Jenna incident. I hope you guys liked this chapter! We’re closing in on the finale.

Tags:

@festering-queen @kandomeresbitch @strangestdiary @glitterportrait @scuzmunkie @redwoodshadows @sarasxe​ @rileyomalley

[nandoor]

(so i may have went & wrote a short lil scene set after 2x05 / colin’s promotion where nandor actually apologizes to nadja for, y’know, burning her village down...)

...

Nandor had always enjoyed Nadja’s company—and, even now, despite the wedge that he had inadvertently pushed between them, he could not deny that Nadja was dear to him and had been one of his only friends for nearly a century now. He had originally gotten along with Nadja before warming up to Laszlo, her fun, easygoing nature and charisma tethering Nandor to her long before he even realized that he saw her as a genuine friend. Unlike with most vampires he encountered (though he was loathe to admit it), there had rarely been an awkward moment between them—very little fazed Nadja and for that, he was grateful.

She took each of his eccentricities in stride, even encouraging some of his more newfound interests. A passion for taxidermy, for instance, was something Nadja and Laszlo shared with him—his boar, Barry, had been a one-off acquisition when he had taken it from a victim’s home, unable to part with the smiling beast and its ivory tusks. When he finally got around to displaying it, he was surprised to see that Nadja, inspired by him, had taken the initiative to move her own taxidermy animals from storage and placed them in her bedroom, enshrining them in glass as if she were making a museum of sorts. Later, at Nadja’s behest, he too added to the décor of the shared living places within the house, his other favorite contribution being a grizzly bear that resided near the fireplace in the music room.

In short, Nadja cared about him—even at his worst, when he knew he was being as petulant as an unruly child, Nadja was there to be a voice of reason. She never lied to him, her blunt honesty a refreshing change from his time as a warlord, where honey dripped from everyone’s lips and no one, not even his own flesh and blood, were brave enough to disagree with him, to steer him off the path of destruction he seemed hell-bent on walking until it was too late. Nadja, in her own sharp but well-meaning way, could get him to snap out of any downward, self-destructive spiral with a well-placed kick at his shin or barbed comment that ultimately revealed a genuine truth about himself that he hadn’t realized before. 

She—along with Laszlo, if he were being honest—tethered him to the present when he felt like slipping into the vast ocean of time, his memories as deep and treacherous as a sinkhole.  Loneliness was a dangerous thing for vampires, after all, and while the ache remained, it did lessen when he was around his housemates. And it was hard to feel lonely or out of place when he was sandwiched between the pair, some bawdy comedy playing out on the computer device in his lap, courtesy of Guillermo. 

Perhaps that was why his heart now felt as if it was being skewered on a pike every time she looked at him with a cold, disappointed gaze. Metaphorically, of course, as he had told Guillermo; he’d been stabbed plenty of times on the battlefield before his turning that he knew this pain was different. The cut of a blade was a severe, sharp pain that brought the world into focus, everything just a little too loud and bright for the brief moment before the blood began to pour out. But all nonfatal wounds would eventually heal, scar tissue deadening the nerves there, the pain now a memory made physical, something carried in secret underneath his clothes. 

But this pain? He could not hide it—how much the guilt did eat away at him once he tucked away some of his bravado and pride. Alone in the dark confines of his fur-lined coffin, Nandor had spent the better part of the day wracking his memory, searching through centuries of memory for the mental image of Nadja’s little village, for the yellow flag that was burning in the painting.

He could not find it. And, though he would never admit it to anyone else, he felt a pang of shame at not being able to remember the conquest of Nadja’s village. It was just another pillage, another place he did not bother to learn the name of before it went up in a plume of smoke. At some point in his time as a soldier, the number of dead, the lives destroyed, stopped having a meaning. He killed because he was good at it, because it was what everyone expected of him, because destruction came as naturally to him as breathing.

I’m ruining it, he realized, stepping out of his coffin unaided just after dusk. I could lose Nadja if I don’t do something soon.

When he finds Nadja alone in the fancy room, he immediately goes to her, knowing it was better to act now while he still had the courage to do so. The words tumble out of his mouth in a flood of sincerity as he sat across from her, voice strained with the guilt he could no longer pretend didn’t exist. “Nadja… I’m sorry about what I did to your village. Truly. Is there anything I can do that will make you feel better?”

Perched on one of the armchairs, Nadja raised a brow, placing the book down on the table beside her. She crossed her leg, fingers lacing over her skirts as she tilted her head in thought.

“Well, I’d like if you’d rip your heart out and serve it on a platter. A fancy, golden platter. None of that crock you’d display at a garage sale.”

“…I’m not sure I can do that,” Nandor eventually replied, gaze glued to the floor. He didn’t dare look up, not ready to see the disgust in Nadja’s eyes yet again. Surely she hated him. He couldn’t even blame her; it was thanks to his pillaging that her village became a home to inhospitable creatures such as vampires, why Nadja lost her human life to a vampire masquerading as a snake, latching its teeth into the soft flesh of her neck.

Nadja bared her fangs in a pitying sneer, reaching over to cup Nandor’s cheek with a gentleness that confused him. Her touch itself almost startled him—it wasn’t that Nadja didn’t show physical affection, but it was usually much more subdued and quick. A pat on the shoulder, a brief touch of his knee, a playful shove, even a lazy hand trailing through his hair after a night spent inebriated on drug blood. This close, Nandor was forced to look at Nadja’s face, to see the small curl of her lips as she clicked her tongue loudly, thumb stroking the skin just above his cheekbone.

“You stupid little donkey, I was kidding. I forgive you. So stop with the pouty face. It doesn’t suit you.”

“Really? You’re not doing the leg-pulling?” 

Nadja nodded. “Yes. I know you can’t change what happened—I just wanted an apology.”

Nandor brightened instantly. “So we are okay-A again?”

“For now,” Nadja agreed, pulling her hand away. It took a great deal of effort for Nandor to remain seated, the stirrings of loneliness once again dredged up in the face of possibly losing one of his only friends. “Really, Nandor, I was more upset that you hid the truth from me. I thought we all agreed to be honest with each other, even if it may hurt at first.”

“I just didn’t want you to hate me,” Nandor admitted. “I should have burned that painting long ago—but I didn’t. I couldn’t. I didn’t know why, but maybe it was because I actually wanted you to find it one day.” 

Nadja chuckled dryly. “How very stereotypically mannish of you. Instead of talking about your feelings, you decided to hide them until they nearly got us killed by Colin Robinson. Next time, just bloody tell me what’s going on in that pink mushy brain of yours so we don’t die… again.”

“Well, when you put it like that it does seem rather foolish.” Nandor replied, grimacing in a way that only the tips of his fangs were visible. 

For a while, the pair lapsed into a companionable silence. A tension Nandor hadn’t realized he’d been holding in his shoulders began to ease away as he leaned back in his chair, sighing.

Nadja pressed a manicured nail to her chin, brows furrowing. “Now that I think about it… even though you did destroy my village, you did this while you were human. And vampire Nandor isn’t the same as human Nandor, is he?”

“That is true,” he replied, hands placed gingerly over his knees as he toyed with the ring on his left thumb. “You could say that I was a different person back then. Almost like I didn’t do it at all!”

Nadja, agile as a viper, swung her leg out to kick Nandor in the shin.“No, that was still definitely you, you silly, cowardly weasel of a vampire! You can’t pawn off your guilt to your human ghost self!”

“Oww! Okay, fair enough. Yeesh,” Nandor admitted, rubbing at his leg with a sour look which quickly morphed into thinly veiled fondness. They would be alright--it would take time and genuine effort on his part, but hopefully he’d regain Nadja’s trust eventually. And I’ve got all the time in the world to wait, he thought to himself. When he smiled warmly at Nadja he was pleased to see her smile back, fangs shining in the glow of the candlelight. 

Unbeknownst to either vampire, Colin Robinson hovered patiently at the door, eyes gleaming blue for a brief moment before returning to their usual color. He gave an unhappy look to the cameras.

“Well, there goes my all-you-can-eat buffet,” he began, shaking his head in disappointment. “But hey, buffets come and go. Vampire roommates, on the other hand, are forever. So I can’t say I’m all that upset—besides, this just gives me more of a reason to make Guillermo listen to my interpretive jazz solos which I’ve recorded on tape for everyone’s auditory pleasure.”

Not even the boom mic operator could resist giving a weary groan at the energy vampire’s words. 

[junkratsadstuck]

I posted 8,890 times in 2022

That's 5,220 more posts than 2021!

146 posts created (2%)

8,744 posts reblogged (98%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

merryvrismas

cfo-of-antifa

dingdongyouarewrong

leelubell

griffithsucks

I tagged 4,365 of my posts in 2022

#video - 814 posts

#ofmd - 513 posts

#animals - 494 posts

#wwdits - 425 posts

#gif - 411 posts

#cat - 249 posts

#succession - 188 posts

#wwdits s4 - 168 posts

#jerma - 147 posts

#homestuck - 141 posts

Longest Tag: 136 characters

#this is exactly what i want. corporations cannot force me to look at their ads but i would love to look at ads from a fellow tumblr user

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

today’s the day! jerma’s going to shove an entire baseball up his ass, on stream!

536 notes - Posted August 19, 2022

#4

the process of watching our flag means death for me was like: oh okay, there's a woman pirate who disguises herself as a man, i can project a trans identity onto that. and oh, here’s a character who’s gay but he’s just there to be laughed at, at least it’s some representation in a side character. and oh, the two main male characters are growing very close, maybe i can find other people on the internet who interpret that as romantic.

and then Jim is actually revealed to be canonically nonbinary and played by a nonbinary actor? and Lucius is shown to be incredibly emotionally intelligent and one of the most valuable members of the team? and the two main characters actually DO have romantic feelings towards one another?

the queerness of this show is an integral part of it that cannot be divorced from its plot, and it’s not played for a cheap laugh. it’s depicted in such a genuine and kindhearted way. i feel like i’ve been living off of scraps of representation for so long, and i’ve been presented with a full banquet and i can hardly figure out what to do with myself.

863 notes - Posted March 27, 2022

#3

minecraft keeps adding new stuff and i keep ignoring all of it. i don't want to check out new creatures i don't want to fight the nether dragon i don't want to go to the nether i don't want to collect fancy blocks i want to dig a GIANT!!! FUCKING!!! HOLE!!!

955 notes - Posted March 2, 2022

#2

thinking about guillermo wearing a white turtleneck to nandor’s wedding… and how brides wear white veils that get lifted for a kiss to mark the beginning of a lifelong partnership… and how we know guillermo dreams of pulling aside his collar so nandor can press his mouth to guillermo’s neck and turn him into a vampire…

1,123 notes - Posted August 10, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

edward teach is so funny he ends episode 5 realizing he's attracted to stede, so then at the start of episode 6 he makes stede stab him with a sword. he really said ohhhhh i like this guy i am going to get him inside me by whatever means necessary. gay people please learn how to deal with your feelings

2,387 notes - Posted April 23, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[chelsfic]

Leftovers - Part Five - Nandor the Relentless x Reader Fanfic

Previous parts: Masterlist

Summary: Nadja sneaks the reader to the vampire rave and things go--predictably--sideways. As in, the reader is in danger! Featuring more Nadja/Reader bonding and some snuggling with Nandor. The reader is feeling more and more at home with the vampires and maybe even starting to see the allure of the vamp life...

A/N: Hey guys! Really read the warnings here. This chapter has some serious angst! I Hope you guys enjoy it and thanks forever for commenting and reblogging--it means the world!

Warnings!!: Memory loss, Hypnosis, Drug use, vampire attack, angst, hurt/comfort

---

You’re seated at the top of the stairs resting your chin in your hands and watching the rest of the household bustle around the front hallway as they prepare to leave for the vampire rave. Nadja is dressed in a stunning midnight black gown studded with sparkling gemstones. You decide that you must have dreamed about her promising to take you because she doesn’t even glance in your direction as they start to file out the front door.

Nandor tries to catch your eye from below but you stubbornly turn your head. You don’t know how it’s possible after living here for such a short time but it hurts to be left out. Even Guillermo is tagging along. You’re the only one being excluded and it stings. 

Nandor refuses to let you sulk in peace. He walks up the stairs towards you and your treasonous eyes track his progress, drinking in the image of him in his tall boots with the cape flowing out behind him. His legs are long and thick and your fingers twitch with the urge to reach out and touch him. He stops a few steps down and you finally look up at his face. 

“Stop this moping around!” he orders with a whine in his voice. “The whole house smells like sad human.”

“Take me with you, then!” you demand, standing to your feet. For once you’re actually taller than him. “You’re taking Guillermo!”

Nandor shakes his head, “Guillermo is a familiar! They’re off limits to other vampires. You’re just…”

He stops himself from completing the sentence so you do it for him.

“Just...food?” you supply and you’re aggravated to feel tears stinging your eyes. 

“Yes!” Nandor blurts, somewhat oblivious to the way your face crumples. “And I’m not going to spend the whole party guarding you from other vampires!”

You retreat back towards your bedroom with a disgusted shake of your head. 

“You’re horrible!”

---

“It wasn’t really a punishment, not inviting the human to the rave party,” Nandor sits in a tall-backed armchair and looks into the camera. “I was more worried about another vampire eating her…”

He’s silent for a beat, looking off to the side in contemplation.

“But Nadja is a bad influence! The human is becoming very insolent!”

---

You’re deep into your sulk and watching Netflix on your laptop when a scraping sound from the window interrupts the gloom. You look up but, of course, you can see nothing through the layer of newspaper pasted over the glass panes to keep out sunlight. The scraping starts up again and this time it’s accompanied by the faint sound of something flapping up against the glass.

You creep up to the window, body tense with anticipation, and you slowly peel off a piece of newspaper to peer out into the darkness.

THWACK!

You flinch backwards as a bat flies into the glass, squeaking and flapping its wings to be let inside.

“...the fuck? Are you serious!?”

You’re either about to find out that vampires turning into bats is a real thing...or you’re about to get rabies. You heave the solid window open and the bat glides inside, exploding into a cloud of black vapor and appearing as Nadja, looking cool and completely nonchalant.

“You can turn into a bat!?” you screech, forgetting your foul mood at once.

Nadja flips her wrist at you, “Of course, my cheeky darling. That’s, like, the most basic power for a vampire. Very simple.”

“Wow...” you marvel under your breath, eyes wide with admiration. Could she be any more cool?

“Now, come to my crypt, baby human. I’ve laid something out for you to wear,” she snaps her fingers and turns on her heel, expecting you to follow obediently. Which...you do.

Now that she’s really here to take you to the rave, of course, you’re awash with second thoughts. Maybe Nandor was right...maybe it’s too risky.

“I don’t know, Nadja...won’t it be dangerous? I mean, Laszlo said it’s basically a feeding frenzy, right?” you hate how diffident you sound but--hey--on the other hand you really like being alive.

“Pshh, don’t worry about that, human,” she scoffs. “I won’t let anyone eat you. Besides, most of those humans will be fine. You don’t want to drink too much drug blood. You only take a little sip and then erase their memory.”

You stay silent as she leads you into the crypt. You know from experience how disorienting “a little sip” can feel…

But your qualms fly out the window when Nadja holds up the dress she’s selected for you. 

“What do you think, darling? You will look like a real little baby vampire in this…”

It’s a floor-length gown in shimmery black and silver brocade with a high neckline and short sleeves trimmed in lace. It’s like nothing you’ve ever imagined wearing and your mouth drops open in awe. Nadja grins and pushes it into your arms.

“Put it on and then I will do something with your hair. Don’t worry about bloody, stupid Nandor. He’s just being a pig dick because he wants to do sex with you but if he does, it will ruin your blood.”

“Wha--how--?” you choke in surprise. “How do you know that?”

“Oh, sweet, stupid human,” Nadja croons and cups your cheeks in her hands. “Nandor is as obvious as a turkey strutting around and waving his feathers in your face. He smells like desire whenever you are near him. Very distinct, very nauseating. He’s just too dumb to know what to do about it.”

Your shoulders droop. It’s obvious Nandor is interested...it’s just a question of whether he’s more interested in you or your blood. You think you know the answer.

Nadja senses the morose train of your thoughts and she interrupts, “But if he sees you in this? He will tear the hair from his chest in anguish until you let him ravish you! Trust me, girly. I know what I’m talking about.”

---

Nadja tucks your hand into the crook of her elbow and leads you up to the doors at the back of the building. A burly vampire stands before the entrance and holds up a hand as you approach.

“Password?” her voice is deep and gravelly. Goosebumps course over your arms and you tuck yourself closer to Nadja.

Rather than respond verbally, Nadja flashes her fangs which seems to be good enough because you’re beckoned through the door right away. Once inside your senses are immediately overwhelmed. Music pours over you, the bass pulsing through your bones. It’s dark except for the flashes of strobe lights and the neon glow of dancers decked in glow sticks and covered in luminescent body paint. Before you’re even out of the doorway someone lurches up to you with a small tube of paint in their hands and presses a finger to your cheek, drawing a heart on your skin. Nadja shoves them away with a curse.

“Fucking, cheeky human! I should kill him for touching you,” she growls.

You’re too busy taking in the sights and sounds to be perturbed. You just pat her arm and yell over the music, “It’s fine, Nadja!”

The vampire shakes away her annoyance and leans into your ear with a giddy grin, “Let’s party, baby.”

Nadja moves through the throng like a queen, expecting the masses to part before her. And they do. You follow along in her wake feeling a bit like a fraud in your borrowed finery. But you suddenly flash back to your early derby days when you’d been petrified of actually going out and skating in front of a crowd of people. Your sister skater clunked her helmet with yours, spit out her mouth guard and said, “Fake it till you make it!”

You lift your chin and for a moment you imagine what it would be like if you were the predator stalking through the night in search of weak, mortal prey. And suddenly it feels like the crowd is parting for both of you.

“Oooo, this looks like a tasty little morsel!” Nadja exclaims, eyeing a petite girl in her 20′s dressed head-to-toe in blinding neon colors. Nadja glides up to the girl and waves her hand in front of her face as she drawls, “You will come with me into the bathroom.”

You trail after them, not wanting to let Nadja out of your sight knowing that there are other vampires here hunting within the crowd.

Nadja clears the bathroom with a wave of her hand and an imperious command. You stand to the side and watch as she takes the girl in her arms and buries her fangs into her soft neck. It should be shocking and terrible but...you’re not bothered. Why aren’t you bothered? Watching Nadja make her attack is like watching a lioness take down a gazelle. She’s powerful and deadly, yes, but also impressive. 

She throws her head back and her blood-stained lips part in a dazed grin. The girl in her arms starts to squirm away and Nadja tightens her hold, drawing the human in with her gaze and speaking just one word, “Forget.”

You watch the girl’s eyes glaze over as Nadja releases her. She stumbles out of the bathroom and back out into the crowd. 

“What if another vampire decides to bite her?” you worry. All these people--yourself included--seem suddenly so fragile and vulnerable in the face of a vampire’s power.

“So?” Nadja asks. She’s licking her lips and swaying a little where she stands, obviously feeling the effects of the drug blood.

“So?” you echo. “So...she could...die…”

Saying these words out loud to your vampire roommate sounds suddenly daft.

Nadja snorts and then she’s overcome with giggles. She leans into your side as you make your way back out onto the dance floor.

“My silly human...you feel bad because you’re still human. I get it. But...you’ll understand eventually,” she says the words directly into your ear so as to be heard over the music. 

“When we...you know,” she mimics biting you and then puts her own wrist to your mouth. You want to ask her what the hell she’s talking about but she’s suddenly dragging you into the center of the dancers and urging you to dance with her. 

The night flies by in a blur of dancing and stalking and drinking. Nadja finds you a “human alcoholic drink” after considerable pouting when you tell her you don’t want to do any party drugs. There are cases of beer and hard cider stacked in one corner and you lose track of how many drinks you have as the evening goes on. You feel pleasantly loose-limbed and giggly. At one point you see Colin feeding off someone in a quiet corner and he sends you friendly wave even as his eyes glow with hungry power. But more and more people pack into the space as the hours go by and it’s so crowded you don’t run into anyone else from the house. You certainly aren’t searching the crowd for a tall, handsome warrior standing head and shoulders over the others.

Certainly not.

Nadja’s just finished feeding from a yummy young man and you’re leaving the bathroom once more when you finally bump into Laszlo.

“My darling, ferocious beast!” Nadja cries, throwing herself at Laszlo, who’s wearing a crown of glow sticks.

Laszlo catches her in his arms and mauls her mouth in a lewd kiss.

“My goodlady wife! At last! Where have you been? I spent twenty minutes fondling a coat rack before I realized it wasn’t you!”

“I’ve been escorting my pet human,” Nadja giggles and reaches out to pat your head. “Cute little human.”

You’re as drunk as you’ve ever been so the insult flies over your head. You rub your face into her palm and smile. Nadja turns back to her husband with a feral snarl and bites into his lips. 

“Come and ravish me, husband,” she growls, pulling him back towards the bathroom. She turns to you as an afterthought, “Wait right here, human. This won’t take long.”

“Hey!” Laszlo complains.

They disappear into the bathroom and you’re left standing by the wall riding a wave of happy drunken delirium and watching the glowing colors swirl around you.

---

Something’s wrong. Something bad happened but whenever you try to recall the details your mind goes blank and a headache twinges at your temples. 

But you know in your bones that something is wrong. 

You can’t bother Nadja and Laszlo while they’re desecrating the bathroom and Colin Robinson is no longer lurking in the corner where you’d seen him. Anyway there’s only one person you want right now. Only one person who can hold you in his strong arms and make you feel safe but you can’t find him in this horrible, pressing crowd. Your face is wet with tears that you don’t even remember crying but now you’re crying again. Big, racking sobs that hurt your throat and you’re shouting his name, trying to be heard over the deafening music.

When you finally spy his broad shoulders under the blood red velvet cape you break into a sprint and collide with his back, wrapping your arms around him and clinging to him without a care in the world for how pitiful you must look.

Nandor stiffens and turns around in your grip. When he finally sees you, your face stained with tears and the collar of your dress torn and soaked in blood, his face darkens and he feels the loose, merry hold of the drug blood leech from his body as fury takes hold.

“Who has done this?” his voice is a low, angry hiss. 

You just shake your head and bury it into his chest. You don’t have any answers for him. 

“Guillermo!” you hear his voice shouting over your head but you’ve retreated, narrowing the world down to the feel of his arms wrapped around your body. Safe. A faint question stirs at the back of your mind. Are you safe here? With him? But...yes, of course you are.

You’re outside the building now, sitting on top of a stack of wooden pallets with Guillermo and Nandor standing before you. Your mind is still buzzing with alcohol consumption and the heavy, empty echo of hypnosis. Nandor tries to fix your dress. The collar is torn and it gapes open revealing the tops of your breasts. You’d surely be mortified if you weren’t currently retreating into your own psyche. He finally gives up with a huff of annoyance and unclasps his heavy cape, dropping it onto your shoulders and wrapping it securely around you. You clutch the fabric in your shaking hands and pull it tighter. It smells like him.

“I need to know who did this,” Nandor mutters to no one in particular. “I will unleash hell upon them. I will snap their neck and stab them with a thousand stakes. I will--”

“Master,” Guillermo interrupts. “She’s been hypnotized…”

“I can make her remember,” Nandor answers and turns to you with his hand raised in front of your face. 

A sudden, intense fear claws up your throat and you grab his hand with both of yours, pushing it away and shrieking, “NO!”

You scramble backwards and nearly fall off the pile of pallets in your desperation to get away. Nandor grabs your shoulders to steady you and you’re shaking under his hands.

“Leave my head alone,” you whisper. Your eyes are wide, haunted and unseeing. 

Nandor continues to hold onto you, rubbing circles into your shoulders and whispering nonsense comfort words. When you’ve finally calmed down he moves to raise his hand up once more and Guillermo shouts, “Master!”

“I can make her feel better, Guillermo!” Nandor shouts back. He looks back at you and the defeated slump of your shoulders and growls in frustration. “Fine! Fu-cking guy…”

He gathers you in his arms, tucking the cape more securely around you and bending his knees in preparation for flight.

“We’ll see you at the house, Guillermo,” he calls and then he’s launching you both upward and soaring into the sky.

The abrupt weightlessness is enough to shake you slightly from your stupor and you squeal in fright, clutching onto Nandor’s lapels for dear life.

“We’re flying!” you cry, looking down at the city lights below before screwing your eyes shut in alarm. “Don’t drop me!”

“I’m not going to drop you,” Nandor scoffs but he looks a little chagrined at the memory of his familiar’s fall during such a flight. 

You wind your arms around his neck and wrap your legs around his waist, clinging onto him like a koala and periodically shrieking like you’re on a rollercoaster. When he finally touches down on the front steps you’re still attached to him with a death grip.

“We’re home, human,” he murmurs, smoothing his hands over your hair. “You can let go…”

You shake your head against his shoulder and utter a muffled, “No.”

Nandor’s rage over what has been done to you is a simmering fire in his belly but now he also feels something unique: a swelling in his chest that feels like pride. You sought him out for safety and protection...and he wants to take care of you…

He walks upstairs to your bedroom, cradling you in his arms all the way. Once inside he lowers you onto the bed and you finally let your grip on him loosen. 

“I’m going to get your bite ointment and some towels to clean your neck,” he whispers and you don’t miss the way his lips curl back from his fangs at the sight of your blood spattered skin. But he ignores the urge to cover the offensive bite with one of his own. 

He leaves for a few minutes and when he returns his arms are laden with bath towels and bandages. You sit with your legs dangling over the side of the bed and mutely observe as he tends to the wound with a gentle touch.

His eyes stay on his work and his jaw clenches as he finally breaks the silence, “You disobeyed me, human. And I’m not happy about that.”

He uses a wet face cloth on your neck and shoulder, cleaning away the dried blood before he applies the antibiotic cream. Your head is still spinning and you can’t really say if it’s from the alcohol, the hypnosis, or the terrifying flight, but you don’t have the energy to reply.

He rips open a band-aid wrapper and continues, “But I’m sorry this happened to you. You’re...special to me. And... I’d be very sad if you died.”

Nandor leans back on his heels and you look into his soft gaze. He looks more open and vulnerable than you’ve seen him and you suppose this admission is as close to a declaration of his feelings as you’re going to get from the vampire.

“Thanks, Nandor,” you reply, tugging the edges of his cape around you.

“I’ll leave you to get changed…”

---

Nandor is standing by his open coffin looking a little lost without Guillermo to tuck him in. He turns in a circle and with the faintest exhalation extinguishes all the candles lining the room. He’s just climbing in when you appear in the doorway, dressed in a pair of basketball shorts and an oversized t-shirt. You hug your arms around you and lean against the door frame not meeting his eyes.

“Hey…” you trail off, unaccountably bashful about your request.

Nandor’s eyes trail down your bare legs before flicking back up to your face.

“Hello, my little one,” he greets you. “Do you need me to tuck you in? Guillermo isn’t back yet…”

Does he think Guillermo tucks you in at night? Oh, has he...ordered his familiar to do so? It’s kind of adorable and your lips tug up in a smile. He’s an ancient, all powerful vampire who needs to be tucked in every night...er, day?

“No, I--” you clear your throat and start over. “Can I sleep in your coffin? I don’t want to be alone…”

An increasingly familiar warmth floods Nandor’s chest and he smiles revealing his razor sharp fangs, which should really be more terrifying to you, but who are you kidding?

“Come, my mortal,” he stretches out his hand and you take it, stepping up into the coffin and settling yourself around him, no longer even pretending that this is anything other than some serious undead snuggling.

He turns onto his side and spoons up behind you, snuggling with his face buried into the crook of your neck so he can breathe in your sweet scent. He reaches up to take the handle on the inside of the coffin lid and gently closes it over you both.

“You’re safe now, my mortal,” he breathes, dropping a light kiss on your shoulder.

And...you are. With his arms around you and his comforting weight at your back you feel as if nothing can harm you. Nothing, that is, except maybe for him.

But somehow that doesn’t worry you. You bring your hand up and twine your fingers with his, lifting his hand to your mouth and pressing your lips to his knuckles as your eyes drift shut in exhaustion. 

“‘M safe with you, Nandor,” you echo and there are other words, unspoken, that drift through your thoughts as you fall asleep.

---

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@festering-queen​ @glitterportrait​ @kandomeresbitch​ @scuzmunkie​ @redwoodshadows​

[chelsfic]

Midnight Snack - Nandor x Guillermo ficlet

WWDITS Masterlist

Summary: (Response to the September Nandermo writing challenge: Capes!) Nandor runs into a 19-year-old Guillermo late one snowy December evening and thinks he’d make a tasty midnight snack. The problem is that Nandor doesn’t like it when his food is crying. Also the kid isn’t wearing a jacket and it’s FREEZING! Fucking guy…

Warnings: Fluff with angst, brief mention of homophobia

—

The virgin standing at the bus stop looks delicious. Short and round with a sheen of oil on his forehead and acne dotting his cheeks. His spectacles reflect the glare of the streetlamp as he shivers against the frigid December air. The vampire notes, with disdain, that he wears only a thin button-down shirt to protect himself from the elements. Delicious and stupid, he thinks.

Nandor dances on the wind, nearly invisible as a mist floating amidst the snow. When he’s hovering directly behind the man, he transforms back into his vampiric form. Now only inches away from the little human, he can feel the man’s body heat bleeding away into the chilly air. His fangs elongate and he hisses in pleasure at the prospect of tasting that sweet, thick heat flowing into his mouth. 

The man startles, whipping around with wide, frightened eyes. Nandor notices for the first time that his cheeks are wet with tears and his pretty brown eyes are bloodshot. The man’s gaze flicks over his face, lingering on his leering mouth and razor sharp canines.

“Oh…” he says with a loud sniffle. His face crumples and more tears leak out. “This figures. You’re here to kill me?”

“That was the idea…” Nandor’s lips turn down into a nervous frown. “What is the matter with you?”

He doesn’t make a habit of chatting with his food, but he really hates feeding off crying victims. The sadness lingers in him all evening.

The man’s pouty lips quiver and he looks up at Nandor with such open sorrow and surrender–it’s like he’s asking to get eaten. Yeesh!

“It’s…stupid,” he murmurs, hanging his head.

“Yes, probably,” Nandor agrees. He draws himself up, squaring his shoulders and truly looming over the little man. “Do you think you could stop crying while I…you know…”

He holds up his clawed hands and bares his fangs in a cartoonish impression of a vampire attack. The human snorts out a laugh and Nandor begins to worry that there may be something not quite right with this one. 

“I’ve just had a really bad night…”

Nandor’s shoulders slump and his face falls in disappointment. “Oh, well…we don’t have to get into it if–”

The little guy’s face scrunches up as a loud sob wrenches from his throat. A particularly strong gust of wind cuts through him and Nandor notes with dismay that his teeth are chattering. At this rate he will be frozen before Nandor gets a taste!

“You are very inadequately dressed, human,” Nandor remarks. He holds out the heavy velvet folds of his cape and wraps them around the smaller man, effectively hugging him to his chest. “This is just to warm up your blood, you understand.”

The human is staring at him, his brown eyes sparkling. Snowflakes light on his warm cheeks, melting into specks of glitter. “O-of course,” he agrees, but he’s smiling like a fool. 

Nandor sighs, “So, what happened then? To ruin your night?”

He regrets the question almost at once when the man’s face falls again. He responds in a small, trembling voice, “I really thought Andy liked me, you know? He invited me to this party tonight and I got all dressed up–” Nandor grimaces at the human’s pitiful raiment. “–but…it was a fucking joke to him. Him and his asshole homophobe friends. I w-went in for a kiss and they…”

The man covers his face, hiding the tears that overtake him as his voice trails off. Nandor doesn’t know what a homophone is, but he understands being tricked. How many times has he responded to an invitation only to find out he’s been lured into a semen-stealing trap by witches?

“They hurt you?” Nandor prompts, his voice is husky and low. He finds himself pulling the little human closer and feeling unaccountably protective over his midnight snack.

The human nods, burying his face into Nandor’s chest and letting his tears soak the material of his tunic. “I ran away. Forgot my jacket. Missed the stupid bus. And now… on top of all that, I’m about to get eaten by a vampire when I’ve spent my whole dumb life dreaming of meeting one of you!”

Nandor smirks in amusement. What a strange little human he’s caught. He shakes his head and asks him why, why on earth, would he wish to meet a vampire?

“Because!” the man takes a half-step back and gazes up at Nandor with open awe on his cute little face. “Because you’re powerful and wonderful and mysterious! Because I’ve wanted to be one of you since I was thirteen years old and I read my first Anne Rice book! Because you live forever on your own terms and you don’t have to be scared when you walk alone at night or worry about getting beat up just because you like boys or or…a thousand other things!”

The human is getting worked up, his breath coming quickly and his face flushing with emotion. Nandor’s lips part involuntarily as he scents the rich, virginal blood rushing through this man’s veins. How easy it would be to strike, wrenching the man’s head to one side and tearing into his tender throat. Nandor pictures it and his arms tighten threateningly around the man’s soft, fragile form. The human goes still and lets out a little squeak.

“You could…you could turn me. Drink my blood and make me into a vampire,” the man says breathlessly. “Please.”

Nandor rears back and frowns incredulously. “I don’t even know your name!”

“It’s Guillermo,” he breathes, pressing his soft body against Nandor and wantonly baring his neck just as the bus pulls up with a squeaking hiss of its air brakes. The door folds open and bathes the pair in sickly fluorescent light

Nandor holds his cape in place with one hand as he brings the other around to wave in front of Guillermo’s hopeful face. “You will tell me the location of the party.”

Guillermo gives him the address, speaking in a dull monotone. Nandor drops his hand and the cloud lifts from Guillermo’s mind. He gives the human a wide smile, fangs on full display before stepping back and reluctantly removing the protection of his heavy cape.

“Go home, little Guillermo,” Nandor instructs in a tone of self-important beneficence. “Enjoy your human life for a while longer.”

Guillermo looks utterly stricken as he watches the vampire back away. “Please! Will I ever see you again?”

“Hey kid!” the bus driver barks, momentarily drawing Guillermo’s attention. “You getting on or what?”

Guillermo holds up a hand and turns back to the vampire but he’s gone, leaving nothing–not even footprints in the snow–to prove that he’d ever been there at all.

—

Nandor soars through the snowy night sky, the wind running icy fingers through his hair. He smiles as he watches the little bus, with Guillermo inside, make its way through the dark, dangerous night. It turns down a side street and Nandor presses onward making his way to the address the human gave him and looking forward to a midnight snack.