#its just that i REALLY REALLY REALLY like felix

[undiagnosedcruelty]

Felix’s Cookies Have a Side Effect

Pairing: roommate!skz x GenderNeutral!reader

Genre: Crackfic

summary: Felix’s cookies were supposed to bring happiness—not turn you into a walking, talking aegyo machine.

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Content Warning: light cursing, crack humor, cursed levels of aegyo, food-based magic gone wrong, secondhand embarrassment, and the emotional trauma of eating unseasoned chicken.

Word Count: 2k

A/N: I WAS PHYSICALLY HURTING WHILE WRITING THE AEGYO PARTS, PLS DONT ATTACK ME FOR THE CRINGE💔💔💔

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EVERYTHING WRITTEN IS PURELY FICTION───NOTHING IS DIRECTLY RELATED TO REAL LIFE EVENTS.

You should have known better. You really should have.

The golden rule of living with eight chaotic men was simple: never consume anything without questioning its origins first. But when Felix presented you with a freshly baked cookie—eyes sparkling with excitement, dimples popping as he all but shoved the plate into your hands—you didn’t even hesitate.

Big mistake.

At first, everything seemed fine. The cookie was warm, gooey, and filled with just the right amount of chocolate chips. The moment it melted on your tongue, you understood why Felix had that smug, cat-who-caught-the-canary expression. The guy knew his baking could end wars.

But then.

It started as a tingle in your chest—subtle, almost pleasant. Then, a strange, fizzy bubbling sensation crawled up your throat, like soda pop had replaced your blood. Before you could even process the weirdness—

"Aegyo mode activated."

"Oppa~~~!" you whined, gripping Han’s hoodie sleeve with both hands, voice unnaturally high-pitched.

The entire room went silent.

Eight pairs of eyes locked onto you. Blinking. Processing.

Han, mid-bite into his own cookie, choked so violently he nearly fell off the couch. Changbin clutched his chest like he had been physically struck, eyes wide with sheer betrayal. Minho? Minho had already turned on his heel and was walking out of the room without a word.

"I—" you started, panic rising in your throat. But once again, the words that escaped your lips were not yours.

"Jisungieeee~~~," you cooed, latching onto his arm like a needy toddler. "I missed you sooooo much today! Did you miss me too~?"

A deep, horrified gasp left your mouth as your hands shot up to cover it.

The damage, however, was already done.

Han collapsed. Not in a dramatic way—no, literally, his knees buckled, and he hit the floor like a sack of potatoes, wheezing so hard he could barely breathe.

"NO—NO WAY," he gasped between bouts of laughter, clutching his stomach. "WHAT IS THIS? WHY IS THIS SO CURSED?"

Seungmin, who had been quietly scrolling through his phone a moment ago, tilted his head and observed you like some kind of foreign lab experiment. "...Are you feeling okay? Did Felix poison you?"

"I DIDN'T!" Felix wailed, his freckles scrunching up in distress. He bounced on his feet, looking wildly between you and Chan. "It was supposed to make them happy! I put extra sugar and—"

"YOU DID WHAT?!" Chan groaned, already dragging a hand down his face, his stress levels visibly skyrocketing. "Felix, what the hell did you put in them?"

Felix pouted, shuffling guiltily. "...Uhhh. Maybe a little enchanted vanilla extract?"

Chan narrowed his eyes, looking like he was seconds away from deleting existence itself. " Where exactly did you get enchanted vanilla extract!?"

Felix let out a nervous chuckle, avoiding eye contact. "Uh… I found this one magic shop online? The sketchy one next to the convenience store?"

Chan’s face blanked. "Felix. Please tell me you didn’t buy cooking ingredients from a store that also sells cursed objects and possibly hexed jewelry."

Felix winced. "... It was on sale?"

The room exploded into chaos.

”I THOUGHT IT WAS A SCAM OKAY AND I WANTED TO TRY IT!” Felix said on his defense, his hands shooting up in panic.

Hyunjin dropped to his knees, laughing so hard he had to clutch the couch for support. Jeongin had his phone out, already recording like a TMZ reporter documenting a celebrity scandal.

Minho, who had initially left, walked back in just to shake his head at you in pure, silent disappointment—before promptly turning around and leaving again.

Meanwhile, you were suffering.

Your body felt possessed. Every movement unnatural, exaggerated—your arms automatically folding into uwu poses like you had been forcibly programmed into a kawaii anime character. Every attempt to speak came out in a ridiculous, saccharine tone, as if you had become a walking, talking aegyo machine.

You clenched your fists, desperate to fight it. "Hyunjin, you—" Hyunjin raised a brow, intrigued.

"...You're sooooooo handsome and talented~~!"

A beat of silence.

"NOOOO!" you shrieked, slamming both hands over your mouth in horror.

Hyunjin’s eyes widened. His lips trembled. He backed away like you had just summoned an ancient evil. "I—I don't like this. Take it back."

Seungmin was crying with laughter, clutching Jeongin’s shoulder for support. "I've never seen something so cursed in my life."

"Felix," Chan exhaled, pressing his fingers into his temples like he was getting a migraine. "How long does this last?"

Felix chuckled nervously. "Ehhhh… maybe a few hours?"

"A FEW HOURS?!" You collapsed onto the couch, face buried in a throw pillow, your tiny, adorably furious hands gripping it for dear life.

Jeongin wiped a tear from his eye, still wheezing. "Wait—wait—so they're basically stuck in perma-aegyo mode?"

You lifted your head to glare at him. Or tried to. Unfortunately, your body decided to puff your cheeks out like an angry hamster instead.

Jisung lost it all over again, doubling over with laughter.

"I’m gonna die," Changbin choked, wiping at his eyes. "This is the best day of my life."

Felix, now feeling at least a little guilty, reached over to pat your head. "At least you're super cute?"

Your soul screamed inside your body.

Chan sighed so deeply it sounded like he was giving up on life. "Alright, Felix, you and I are figuring out how to reverse this."

Felix nodded furiously. "Right!" Meanwhile, the rest of the members? They were thriving.

Seungmin had already started editing the footage Jeongin took, adding dramatic background music. Hyunjin sat in a corner, staring blankly at the ceiling like he had just witnessed a full-blown exorcism.

Jisung? He had opened up a notes app and was typing every cursed phrase you had said for future blackmail.

From the other room, Minho’s voice rang out: "If this isn't fixed by tomorrow, I’m moving out."

Your life was ruined. And all because you trusted Felix’s cookies.

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Chan was a man of solutions—not problems. So, after gathering all the members into the kitchen, he stood at the center with arms crossed, looking like an exhausted single father trying to discipline eight feral children. His jaw was tense, his brows knit together, and his fingers tapped impatiently against his bicep as he exhaled through his nose. "Okay. We need to fix this. Felix, what do we know about enchanted vanilla extract?"

Felix, who had been nervously shifting from foot to foot, rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. "Uh… it's supposed to enhance positive emotions? Like, amplify happiness. But I think maybe… I added too much?"

"No shit," Minho deadpanned, cradling a mug of black coffee like it was the only thing keeping him from spontaneous combustion. He took a long, slow sip, his eyes half-lidded with pure resignation. "This entire situation is proof that I need new roommates."

Changbin, ever the problem solver, raised a hand. "So, what if we make them eat something really bitter? Would that cancel it out?"

Jisung perked up, eyes lighting with mischief. "Oh! Like how people shock themselves out of hiccups! Maybe we just need to surprise them."

Hyunjin gasped dramatically, placing a delicate hand over his chest like an aristocrat in distress. "We should SCARE them! Like… like drop a fake spider on them or—"

"Absolutely not." Chan shot him down immediately, the dad-mode in full force.

"Wait, wait," Seungmin interrupted, eyes gleaming with something sinister. "I saw this thing online where if you eat raw garlic, it resets your taste buds. What if we force them to eat something super strong?"

Chan turned to Felix with an arched brow. "How do we feel about this?"

Felix winced, looking like a puppy that had just been scolded for chewing a shoe. "I mean… it could work…? But if the magic is emotion-based, we might need something even stronger than just bitter food…"

"Like pain," Minho said casually, not even looking up from his coffee.

Silence. Everyone slowly turned to look at Minho. He blinked. "What?"

"hyung," Jeongin whispered, shaking his head in disbelief. "You scare me."

Before you could protest, Seungmin struck like a viper, shoving a whole spoonful of wasabi into your mouth without warning.

Your soul left your body.

The moment the fiery paste hit your tongue, your entire existence was reduced to a single, unrelenting sensation: PAIN. Tears instantly welled up in your eyes as a molten inferno exploded across your taste buds, searing every last ounce of joy from your being. Your back arched like you had been struck by lightning, fingers twitching violently.

The room went still. Everyone leaned in, watching with bated breath.

And then—

"Omooo, it's so spicy~~~!" you wailed, hands flapping dramatically like a wind-up toy. "My tongue is burniiiiiing~~! Oppa, save me~~~!"

Jisung collapsed.

Hyunjin face-planted onto the floor, muffling his screams of laughter into the hardwood.

Chan just dragged a hand down his face, looking like he aged ten years in ten seconds.

"Felix," he sighed, voice drained of all life, "get back in the kitchen. We need a Plan B."

After the failed wasabi experiment, Chan had officially had enough. He stood at the counter, gripping its edge like it was the only thing tethering him to sanity. His shoulders rose and fell with deep, controlled breaths, the way one might prepare before dealing with absolute nonsense—which, unfortunately, was his life now.

"Okay," Chan started, voice firm, arms crossed. "Clearly, pain isn’t working."

"You don’t say," you grumbled. Or at least, you tried to. Instead, what came out was: "Aiyaaaa, I’m so tiiiiiiired~~~ Someone carry meee~~!"

Jisung had to physically hold himself up against the counter, face buried in his arms to muffle the wheezing sounds escaping him. Hyunjin, still recovering from the previous attack on his sanity, simply turned to face the wall, as if that would somehow shield him from the horror.

Seungmin, still recording, zoomed in on Chan’s soul leaving his body.

"Felix." Chan turned to him, voice dangerously calm. "We need a new plan. Now."

Felix winced. "Okay, okay! So if the enchanted vanilla is boosting emotions, we need to counteract it with something that suppresses them!"

Jeongin raised a brow. "Like what? Depression?"

Felix perked up. "Actually, yes!"

The room went silent. Minho blinked. "You want us to make them depressed?"

"Not like that!" Felix waved his hands. "Just… we need to feed them something that dampens emotions, kind of like a sedative."

Seungmin hummed, tapping his chin. "So… bland food?"

Felix nodded. "Exactly! If we give them something so dull that it cancels out the hyper emotions, maybe it’ll balance things out!"

Jisung perked up. "I have an idea."

Fifteen minutes later, the kitchen was filled with the scent of… absolutely nothing.

Felix, Chan, and Seungmin had prepared a dish so mind-numbingly boring that just looking at it made everyone feel empty inside.

Boiled chicken.

Plain white rice.

Unsalted, unseasoned, completely dry steamed broccoli.

Not a single grain of salt in sight.

Han looked at the plate in pure horror. "This is evil."

Changbin poked at the chicken with his fork. "It’s so… pale. It looks like it’s never known happiness."

Hyunjin leaned down and sniffed it. "I smell nothing. This is worse than death."

Meanwhile, you sat at the table, arms crossed, pouting aggressively. "Hmph! Why do I have to eat this yucky foooood~~? I want something yummy~~!" Jisung physically had to leave the room.

"Eat." Chan shoved a spoon into your hands.

You glared at him. Tried to. Your body betrayed you again, making your eyes go big and watery. "Oppaaaa, feed me~~!"

Chan slammed his hands on the table. "EAT THE DAMN CHICKEN."

With great difficulty, you took a bite. The moment the flavorless abyss of boiled chicken touched your tongue, something shifted. Your fingers twitched. Your uwu posture straightened. The bubbling sensation in your chest fizzled out.

The room held its breath.

You swallowed. Slowly, cautiously, you opened your mouth and said, "That was disgusting."

Silence.

Then—

"IT WORKED!" Felix cheered, throwing his arms in the air.

Hyunjin collapsed onto the floor, hands covering his face. "Oh my god, it’s over."

Jisung was still laughing, but now in relief. "I was gonna have nightmares about that."

Chan exhaled the deepest sigh of his life. "Felix, never again."

Felix chuckled sheepishly. "No more enchanted ingredients. Got it."

Minho clapped a hand on your shoulder. "Let this be a lesson. Never trust Felix’s cookies."

You shuddered. "Never again."

Moral of the story: never accept food without questioning its existence.

[dark-lord-of-awesomeness]

Illusion cat stan and illusion wolf accidentally get caught and taken to the pound and then they work together and free all the animals

Ford: WE NEED TO GET OUT OF HERE, this is too cramped and my very human body is not supposed to be squished into a tiny cage made for dogs, I’d say even if I was a wolf then this is definitely still unsuitable for my hypothetical species!

Stan: Eh I wouldn’t say this is that bad, surprisingly this more well funded and treated than most prisons I’ve been too

Ford: Exactly my point Felix- (does a double take) HUH?! YOU HAVE BEEN WHAT NOW?!?

Illusion cat and wolf twins would waste so much time doing things and asking each other "now what does this look like to you?" Fiddleford would show up before they really even started looking into breaking their curses, because they'd be too distracted laughing at each other and all the things their Illusion selves were doing.

The fight about stealing would quickly get derailed into them trying to grab each other, and then laughing at how it looks, because Ford thinks he's holding a cat, but to Stan it looks like this wolf is grabbing his hand in its mouth.

They get caught and go to the pound, because neither of them think about how to other people they're just two animals and not people. Stan's not even in a crate, he's just has his hand in one and is laughing hysterically about how everyone thinks he's trapped, even Ford. Then they both burst out laughing when his cat illusion glitches through the doors but all Stan did was pull his hand out.

The angst of finding out they're each other's brothers is overshadowed by them laughing at Fiddlefords confusion about two animals writing notes to him.

[miraculouslbcnreactions]

Regarding that scene on Werepapas, what a coincidence. My friend just finished watching the series up to season 5. While he agrees that the writing is far from ideal, while discussing Representation, he didn't get that Adrien is a senti! Only Felix. He felt that it was ambigous. He hopes that maybe Adrien was made thanks to the Peacock but without him being exactly a senti (he still can't exactly explain Gabriel's influence).

With Werepapas... I was astonished, and I don't know if my friend's theory might not be as farfetched... we are giving the writers too much credit, right?

(Post that spawned this ask)

I think it's perfectly valid to be on the fence. I wouldn't put money on Adrien being human, but I wouldn't put money on him being a sentimonster either. He probably is, I wouldn't hold hope for him to not be, but it's not explicit canon and that does matter to a certain extent.

There's a rule in story telling that no one is really dead until their body is show and that applies to more than just death. Any twist isn't truly canon until it's explicitly stated in the text and Adrien's status has never been officially stated. It's only strongly hinted at. This was likely done with purpose because this show is aimed at children. You don't go the subtle route with five-year-olds. They don't know enough about story telling for that to work.

Writers use this hints only trick for a variety of reason, but when it comes to writing in long running shows, the most common reason is to keep the story from having to commit to something before the writers are sure about it as they don't know how many seasons they'll have to write and what plot points they want to use. Right now, the writers can backtrack Adrien's status without retconing anything since he was never said to be a senti. Same goes for Kagami. The only canonically confirmed senti is Felix.*

This noncommittal tactic where nothing is confirmed in canon isn't a writing style I love, but it does have its place. Reveals generally should be teased out over time and not given after the first hint. Tease it out too long, though, and it's no longer solid setup and payoff. Instead it's just an annoying stalling tactic. When it passes from good pacing to stalling tactic is highly subjective and depends on how complex the reveal is. Adrien's status isn't remotely complex and was setup all the way back in season four, so I feel comfortable saying this has gone from the story slowly teasing out the reveal to a stalling tactic which is very much in line with the show's writing style. They're dragging the love square identity reveal to death. I will not be shocked if this gets the same treatment just to keep people watching in the desperate hope that they can finally get some clear answers. It's how show's like Miraculous work. There's not enough here to actually tell an eight-season story so we get this instead.

*Do NOT quote Twitter at me. Twitter is not only not canon, but Twitter "canon" has been retconed and contradicted by actual canon on several occasions. In Twitter canon, Luka is two years older than Juleka and that's clearly not true in actual canon. It's why I try to avoid using Twitter as a source. There are times when I feel you basically have to acknowledge it because it's the only source for any sort of explanation for some nonsensical but important thing canon did, but even then I never assume the statement is truly canon. It's just the closest we can get to canon at the given moment. Which is embarrassing because most viewers are not checking Twitter to understand this show for children!!! The text should speak for itself on all major bits of lore. Twitter should be reserved for fun but pointless facts like what Ladybug's suit feels like.

[felixsslutwife]

lixies quote of the day #11

skz felix smut warning for this one, also its kinda a short storytime lol

so basically some annoying ass nerd mf who sits at my table in class (we fight basically every 2 minutes) was holding a pencil n then he said "i wonder if this pencil would fit down lixie's throat"

so i was thinking abt felix n like without thinking i just said

"yk what else would fit down my throat"

n before i could even answer my first question my friend said

"felix?"

n like. how did she know. HOW DID SHE KNAURRRR

mind reading shit istg

i also then told my friends that i wanted felix to choke me (with his cock) n put me on a leash n i think theyre concerned for my mental health hahahahhahueeuehueehMWAWAHHAHAHAHAHHAA

[transthatfag]

should've hate fucked ngl.

[jinikaris]

dominATE world tour

↪ hongkong d-2 // 250119 ©

[fiendishartist2]

redraw of this post from bunnyfarm's release

kofi|instagram

[ibetittering]

Going back to my roots

[youreyeson1y]

how i think the last skz meeting went:

jyp: okay so jisung just dyed his head blue, felix is back to black and hyunjin just became bald.

jyp: so who's gonna be the blond one now?

skz: ???

jyp: yknow? THE blond? y'all have had a blond for so long, skz feels incomplete without a blond member. so, who's it gonna be?

sunshine twins: well, we just dyed our hair

chan: i'll be wearing a beanie anyway

changbin: i just recovered from the green, i ain't gonna dye my hair for a long time now

minho: but my hair is so long and lucious and healthy now 🥺🥺🥺

jeongin: i had a light colour during ate

seungmin: 😃

jyp: ok...

hyunjin: whatever, i don't even have hair anyway at this point

[matryoshkalex]

ive been so disconnected from kpop so i only realized skz was coming back like. half an hour before the comeback but in celebration heres some old OLD realism pieces of felix, chris, and hyunjinnie :D i havent done realism in a whiiiiile since these but i started another piece a bit ago and really wanna get back into finishing it

these are kind of my pride and joy tbh

these are always the works people stop on when scrolling through my art folder, especially the felix one and it just fills me with this strange sort of pride i dont feel super often because. yeah. that took a Long Time and im really proud of it!! the one of chris was going to be my submission for an art competition my senior year of highschool but covid hit and sadly the comp was cancelled but still. i cant believe ive had these sitting in my folder for so long

[dominickearney]

i have a very self indulgent cattonquick feminization fic idea, but i don't think i'm gonna write it. i still really wanna find other ppl who might be into it though so. ideas below

oliver poisoned him, but felix didn't die. oliver flees saltburn while felix is in the hospital, scared of possible retaliation or worse. his excuse is everything "hitting too close to home", as the cattons still are unaware of his actual home life. he comments on how overdoses are much too common for him and he can't handle seeing felix in such a state.

felix never sees oliver again.

until he returns to school that fall anyway.

they avoid each other all semester. felix sees him around campus still. oliver's hair is starting to get longer. probably because felix isn't around to tell him what looks good anymore.

felix tells his friends and farleigh that he's mad because oliver left while he was recovering. nothing about him lying.

felix knows oliver tried to kill him. he's mad at himself for missing him. he's mad at himself for not caring.

they return after holiday break.

it's more of the same. avoiding each other, sometimes making awkward eye contact. oliver doesn't talk to anyone, has no friends seemingly. felix always sees him alone. not even the weird blond guy follows him around anymore. his hair's past his ears now. he tucks it behind sometimes.

felix gets drunk at the pub like always. he can't stop thinking about oliver the whole time. how evil he is. how much he wants to hurt him. his eyes. his lips. how much he misses him. his hair. felix leaves. doesn't bring a girl home with him. goes to find ollie instead.

ollie's in his dorm of course. where else would he be?

oliver answers when felix knocks, then tries to close it out of fear when he sees who it is. felix stops the door with his hand, shoves his way inside and onto oliver's bed.

oliver nervously follows, but keeps his distance.

"i need to talk to you"

"felix-"

"shut the fuck up, ollie. you left me to die, least you can fucking do is shut the fuck up"

oliver shuts up. felix feels sick. there's a moment.

"why did you do it?"

"do what?" felix makes a face. "honest to god felix i haven't the slightest idea what you're talking about"

felix's voice changes. "ollie."

that breaks oliver. he rushes up to him on his bed, pleading with felix for forgiveness, making his excuses, declaring his love. felix finds it as pathetic as it is endearing. his face remains neutral as he watches his former best friend and attempted murderer grovel at his feet, pull at his pants and beg for forgiveness.

felix finally speaks. “i don’t forgive you.”

oliver is shattered. "felix..."

he looks at oliver, looks in his eyes. he's always gotten attention, sure, but he's never had devotion like this. it's intoxicating, watching someone look up at him like he's a god, like he possesses unwordly powers.

he pushes oliver's new, longer bangs out of the way, gets a good look at him. he runs his thumb along oliver's bottom lip. oliver is hesitant, but he takes it into his mouth. felix pulls him open. oliver just sits there, pillar still, looking up at felix in adoration. always fucking looking up at him. a glob of spit falls from felix’s lips into oliver's waiting mouth. oliver closes his eyes, clearly being overtaken by pleasure, and swallows it. he's accepted his only chance at redemption.

"i will never forgive you." felix doesn't believe his own words, but needs to say them.

he pulls oliver into his lap (not as easily as he had hoped). oliver's shaking, but keeps his hands at his sides.

for a second, felix thinks about fucking oliver tonight. it's unfamiliar territory, but he's been around bisexuals his whole life, even if he never thought he was one. and maybe he's not, looking at oliver. not just his hair, his hands are so much smaller than felix's own. he's so much smaller than felix in general. fucking oliver would basically be like fucking a girl.

"you grew your hair out."

"i didn't really..." felix pushes a loose bit of oliver's hair behind his ear. "do you like it?"

felix nods. he wants to kiss him. god, he wants to kiss him, but oliver hasn't earned it yet. they have so much to talk about. too much, but at least for now, they have a mutual understanding.

tldr: felix is beating himself up for missing oliver. felix copes with his feelings by treating oliver like a girl. potentially cracks his egg? or is it a devotion thing? who knows!

[symerr]

more headmates, you never would've guessed it.

[mxtwister]

Yes I know they're all bisexual but just for fun <3

Flags are colour-picked from the cover art!

[felixisfruity]

speaking of change. girl who still cant figure out her pronouns

[nightmare-foundation]

Honestly would anyone care if I infodumped about my world building headcanons surrounding my RWBY ocs and the Great War (specifically centering on the King of Vale and kind of going into the Arcs)?? Because I have a billion random little headcanons because I went. Too far building on my ocs

[dono-cho]

drew a Felix body headcannon like, quite some time back with a friend and realised I didn't do one with Cyber (I'm...SO sorry Mr.Cyber you're not wearing muscle Ts for me you big nerd 😔)