#its just hitting really hard i cant quite describe it

[gekritzelz]

'Spend the rest of my life with what could have been

And I will die in the house that I grew up in

I'm homesick'

[just-some-guy-joust]

alright, as requested and promised, my explanations for why everyone on side b got into the tourney

once again making the note that i was desperate for women that weren't blatantly written by a misogynist and it influenced a couple choices

starting with the most argued about characters again

mob (mp100): 1 submission, good description. "he has powers he can't be just some guy!" NOT WHAT THIS TOURNEY IS ABOUT. mob is a kid. he's just a kid doing his best. like the whole plot of mp100 is that he's just some kid isn't it??? i haven't watched it i can't argue the details but he is a very good example of just some guy

rung (transformers): 1 submission, good description. submitter got extra points for being the longest submission and being so sweet to me. rung is like, God, or something but he doesnt Know That so he's just living a perfectly normal life. he's so average people regularly forget who he is or what his name is. from the submission, "He's just the definition of 'some random kind guy you bump into in the hall and then completely forget about two hours later' I really don't know how to explain it."

han solo (star wars): 2 submissions. its like his whole thing. the rest of the team is a princess, a jedi, man i don't know the rest i haven't watched star wars in years but they are all supremely not some guy, and han's just some cunt with a van to drive them around in. yeah he's got his own shit going on but also. i dont remember how it actually went down but he really feels like he just stumbled into the plot and now he can't leave

ok now the rest of the characters under the cut

carol kohl (cateotw): 1 submission, good description. the description really moved me and i have GOT to watch this show at some point. carol lives on an earth that's going to end in a few months and everyone is trying to make their last months exciting and happy and getting to do what they've always wanted to. what carol wants to do is keep working an office job and continuing her routine. the show does not shame her for this, it's just who she is. and man..... as a chronically ill person who's had to think about that kind of thing. that really hits hard.

jaehee (mystic messenger): 1 submission. the woman situation is fucking dire. i will admit she seems to be written the way she is because of misogyny n shit but at least this submitter actually acknowledged it. mystic messenger is i believe a dating game and her route involves dealing with her shitty boss and quitting her job. the other routes have fucking wild shit going on but jaehee just quits work

paul matthews (guy who didnt like musicals): guaranteed entry

emma perkins (guy who didnt like musicals): 3 submissions. one person described her and paul as "guy4guy" and i was so enamored with this concept i gave her a guaranteed position. she works at a coffee shop and seems to not give a fuck that she's in a musical and needs to sing. major "i cant wait to clock out and go home" vibes

su moting (god troubles me): 1 submission. the child of a monster and a god so she was just born a regular human. that's so fucking funny. she has some wild roommates (a "phone god" and a "cat monster") but she's got a normal office job so she's not even around them much on weekdays

satou hiroshi (saiki k): 2 submissions. canonically the most average guy. perfectly average in every way. average grades, weight, height, family, etc etc etc. as average as possible

chilchuck tims (dungeon meshi): guaranteed entry

michelle nguyen (wtnv): 1 submission. i mean. its fucking night vale. that place is fucked. and yet michelle just runs a record shop and loves her girlfriend good for her

tad strange (gravity falls): guaranteed entry

colin robinson (wwdits): 1 submission, personal bias. he's an energy vampire that feeds off peoples energy so he will ramble to them for 6-12 hours about taxes. has a regular office job because what better place to find miserable people to torment. prides himself in his ability to be just some guy

bard (wandersong): 1 submission, friend bias. they're the protagonist of the game but they are not the hero of the story. they're on a quest to save the world but destiny does not care for them. they are trying so hard to bring people joy and that in turn is what makes them actually able to succeed. they are not a hero, but they are a friend

usopp (one piece): 1 submission, friend bias. i will be honest you i avoid one piece at all costs but he gets a pass for my buddy. unfortunately none of the info they gave me actually stuck in my brain so my explanation is gonna suck ass but he seems very scared and very weak compared to everyone else and everyone knows he's the just some guy of the group

nick carraway (great gatsby): 1 submission. i do not remember reading this book for school but idk that seemed like a correct vibe check and i wasn't gonna argue with it

link (oot): 1 submission, personal bias. SCREAMS. WAILS. POUNDS FISTS ON THE FLOOR. I LOVE HIM!!! i am extremely mentally ill about most editions of link being just some guy but i agreed heavily with the submission saying oot is probably the best example. HE'S JUST A KID!!! he thought he would never have to grow up because he was a forest kid too but then he did have to grow up what the fuckk

kazooie (I MADE HIM <3): he is my oc and i love him so fuckign much

connecticut clark (florkofcows): guaranteed entry

samwise (lotr): 1 submission, personal bias. only here because he refused to let his friend have to deal with this alone. its the whole point of the story, that hobbits are the just some guys of the world. that these hobbits were just normal innocent men now trying to end a war. and sam is the most just some guy of the bunch

hitomi (madoka magica): 2 submissions. only one that isnt a magical girl. im sure there's more to it than that but i haven't watched madoka in years and the submissions didn't give me anything else so that's it

junpei iori (persona): 1 submission, friend bias. persona characters can get fucking wild but he seems to be the resident normal dude. and tbh i just can't stop thinking about this part of the submission

tomoya (ensemble stars): 2 submissions, good descriptions. ok so like. ensemble stars has like 50 main characters or something i dont know i dont go here. tomoya is the Only One that's normal. he's just trying to be a teen idol and his defining character trait is that he is tomoya and he is here.

peter sqloint (jrwi): 1 submission. i have listened to a bit of this and while i did have to put it down cause it wasn't really my thing, peter must've made an impression on me because the Only Things i can remember from what i listened to was just how bizarrely normal peter is. yes he has the angel of retribution inside him urging him to kill the gods but his life goal is to buy a new log for his pet lizard and his job is to sort rocks and its his favorite thing. sometimes you have to wonder if peter is even aware of whats going on or if he is too busy thinking about cool rocks to notice

cabbage merchant (atla): 3 submissions. i dont care. but very few characters actually got 3 submissions so i let him in. i was trying to avoid characters that clearly just existed for a bit or are simply background characters with nothing else going on (they count as just some guy but its just not as interesting to me) but he made it in anyways.

marta cabrera (knives out): 1 submission and that submission was ME because im THE ONLY PERSON WHO GETS IT (/silly). i cannot fucking believe no one else submitted her im so fucking mad her being just some guy is literally the entire point. spoilers for knives out, SHE'S A GOOD DOCTOR. SHE'S JUST A GOOD DOCTOR. SHE NEVER DID ANYTHING WRONG!!! she was always just some guy no matter how much everyone else wanted her to be something different. i love her

greg universe (steven universe): 1 submission, good explanation. he's just stevens dad <3 he lives in his van and is an ok musician and he's very content with his life. he's hanging out

mishima (persona): 2 submissions. he's just one of your classmates. this is signifcant because other supporting cast characters have a lot of their own wild shit going on. mishima is your classmate and he's trying to help the phantom thieves look cool on social media. thatse it babey!

gingerbrave (cookie run): 1 submission, good description, personal bias. ok so its a gacha game about cookies that run. gingerbrave is the mascot and the most basic guy you can get. he's a cookie and he runs. and he's very sweet and i like him <3 he loves his friends. anyways google like any other character in the cookie run franchise and you'll understand.

arthur dent (hitchhikers guide): 2 submissions. honestly i don't have strong opinions on him and he's got a fuck ton of propaganda on the post im skipping this

elsen (off): 1 submission, friend bias. i am enamored by how this is like a species of normal guys. they are meant to reflect the struggles of average normal people. they have office jobs and a fuck ton of anxiety so you can see how they reflect that <3

tadano hitohito (komi cant communicate): 2 submissions, good description. HIS NAME LITERALLY TRANSLATES TO "JUST A PERSON" THAT'S FUCKING AWESOME I HAD TO PUT HIM IN

[wangxianficfinder]

Fic Finder

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1. Not sure if this is ff or itmf, because there is a specific fic I lost, but also just want a general trope. I'm looking for fics where WWX's resentful energy is into/gentle with LWJ, and LWJ welcomes it, like allowed it to touch him, touches back, maybe they use it during sex. It doesn't have to be right away, just him eventually accepting that the resentful energy is an extension of WWX. (Particularly looking for a post 13/16 year fic with this idea and WWX being shocked over how unbothered LWJ is about it, bc he still thinks LWJ hates him. Also something to do with LWJ's scars and the energy making the not hurt? Idk feel free to split this into two asks!)

FOUND? the described story sounds like the anteroom of golden age by everythingispoetry (M, 92k, wangxian, canon divergence, disability, recovery, mental health issues, grief/mourning, hurt/comfort, families of choice, developing relationship) where resentful energy m akes LWJ's scars hurt less, though it's only one event towards the end of a long story which is itself the last of a series!

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2. hello i hope you all are doing great! im looking for a fic where jgy's crimes were exposed in a discussion conference i think. and he was trying to tell jc about the golden core transfer to keep the spotlight off himself but jc already knew and he told the conference himself. im trying to remember the plot but alas. thank you for all you do it's very appreciated ♥️♥️♥️

FOUND! A Narrow Bridge by FrameofMind, Jo Lasalle (Jo_Lasalle) (E, 700k, WangXian, Time Travel Fix-It, Canon Divergence, Slow Burn, Getting Together, First Time, Pining while fucking, Burial Mounds Settlement Days, Angst with a Happy Ending, CQL Verse, almost everybody lives/almost nobody dies, epistolary-ish, canon-ish side pairings, radishes) sounds like it could be narrow bridge. Wei Ying doesn't want to tell JC but Lan Zhan insists and they argue about it. If that sounds familiar? It happens very far into the fic.

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3. A) Hello! Looking for this fic: Just before he dies, Wei Ying sees Lan Zhan being severely injured (really bad wound through the chest). When he resurrects later on, he's certain that Lan Zhan is dead, and he's pissed about it. But Lan Zhan isnt dead, and they find each other. Its a darkish fic with wangxian being quite in love but kind of a murder couple. Lan Xichen is kinda bad here. Meng Yao gets his head chopped off. I cant find it anywhere, it might've been deleted... Help? 😳

B) Looking for this fic: It happens during the Burial Mounds settlement days. Lan Zhan comes to visit. Someone attacks Wei Ying with a spell but Lan Zhan protects him and is hit instead. It starts de-aging him little by little (mentally not physically), taking back a few years at a time. (I think every time he sleeps he loses more years...) Wei Ying takes him back into the settlement as he tries to cure him. Lan Xichen joins them at some point... I can't find it! 😢 @dreammaiden21

3A)

FOUND? you soothe me just to torture me again 🔒 by PrismaticAvocado (M, 4k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Dark WWX, Dark LWJ, Dark LSZ, Dark LXC, Dark LQR, jc is honestly not that much darker than in canon if at all, Murder Husbands, Torture, Homophobia, WangXian Get a Happy Ending, almost everyone is bashed somewhat except for wangxian and a-yuan be warned, JC Bashing, WWX Lives, BAMF WWX)

3B)

FOUND! Rosemary and Thyme by The Silverfish (ZephyrAndTheSilverfish) (T, 45k, wangxian, burial mounds settlement days, memory loss, talismans, hurt/comfort, angst w happy ending, fix-it, recovery, panic attacks, fluff)

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4. Hello, I'm looking for a fic where Lan Wangji raises the Lan disciples to express their emotions healthily. I remember it ends after WWX's resurrection with Lan Wangji crying really hard.

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5. hello dear mods im in need of your help again. im looking for a fic where wwx finds his uncles who are his father's brothers, also apparently he comes from a rich family. he's already married to lwj iirc by this time iirc. i can't recall the plot so idk what tag to search or what compilation it's in 😭😭 thank you very much for all you do

hey im 5 on the latest fic finder. sorry but i don't think that's it im pretty sure it's a finished fic. also wwx meets his paternal grandmother but she has dementia iirc. thanks for the suggestion tho

hey #5 again sorry again but that's still not it. T_T the wei clan isn't a cultivator family but a merchant family so wcz was actually rich before becoming a cultivator iirc. and when wwx's uncles found out what happened to wwx they withdrew their business in lanling. also idk if i remember it right but it seemed part of a series? thank you for your efforts i also liked the fics you suggested anyway so it's still a win

NOT FOUND! 🧡 Stunted, Starving Juvenility by TomatenMark (E, 548k, WangXian, WIP, Fix-it of sorts, Talisman master WWX, Not JFM Friendly, Study Arc, Getting together, Fluff and Angst, Engagement)

NOT FOUND! places under the sky by narie (T, 17k, WangXian, Background Relationships, Canonical Character Death, Family, Found Family, literally but also metaphorically, Funerary Rites, Post-Canon, Family Dynamics, Grief/Mourning)

FOUND! Keep Holding On by abCEE (M, 316k, JC & WWX & JYL, wangxian, canon divergence, role reversal, YLLZ JYL, yunmeng sibling dynamics, good uncle LQR, sunshot campaign, PTSD, established relationship, angst w/ happy ending) wei ying's dad comes from merchants family. He and Lan Zhan and a-yuan visit them. That part was somewhere in the middle of the fic / I don'r remember the specific chapter (i think around 35/36)

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6. Hey there, I'm searching for a wangxian fiction on ao3.... but unfortunately, I don't remember much of it. All that i know is that it is a long fic and that Wei Ying is not hated by the Cultivation world. Wei Ying also gets a title, which is similar to Lan Zhans. It was like the Light Bearer (obviously LZ) and his Light Source (that's the title WY got). Also, they got their happy ending (and I think WYs' relationship to Jiang Cheng was not good at the sunshot campaign :/ ?). Thanks in advance :D

FOUND? I'm Going Out (Gonna Make A Name For Me And You) by cosmicmilktea (T, 16k, wangxian, post-canon, chief cultivator LWJ, Mentor WWX, intersect relations, slow burn, sickness)

FOUND? Light Source by abCEE (M, 31k, wangxian, canon divergence, not Jiang friendly, fall of lotus pier, no golden core transfer, sunshot campaign, established relationship, canon-typical violence, medical inaccuracies, no demonic cultivation, accidental baby acquisition)

FOUND? Light of Stars (and the Destroyer) by Sanguis (T, 22k, WangXian, Legends, Arranged Marriage, Pining for your spouse, Adoption, Canon Divergence, Married Couple)

FOUND? 🧡 the river brought you here by chilianxianzi (Not Rated, 11k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, POV Outsider, Amnesia, Past abuse, Strangulation, Found Family) I think the fic is - The River Brought You Here. (Feng Huo, Beacon)

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7. Hello! I'm hoping you and all your lovely followers can help me, but I think the fic I'm looking for has been deleted.

The title was something like Happiness is peeing your pants, and the author something like wwx_sparkles, but I don't think I'm spelling the author's name correctly. The fic was about Emperor!LWJ and guard!WWX, who drank too much the night before, and needs to borrow the emperor's chamber pot. Sexy times ensue.

If anyone knows the fic or the author, or has a copy, I'd be very grateful! Thanks for all your hard work, this blog is a treasure ♥️

I’ve got bad news for you; w_wxsparkles has left the fandom, deleted their AO3 account, and emptied their Twitter. If you persevere, that story (and you got the title right) is available on the Wayback Machine.

the work number was #28129026. https://archiveofourown.org/works/28129026

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8. Hi! I'm looking for an Ao3 one shot that takes place after wwx's death. It's about how Jiang wanyin and lan wangji need to stay away from each other during conferences. It all started when jiang wanyin made a comment about lan wangji's robes saying he looks like he's mourning his wife. And it set off lan wangji and he seriously aimed to hurt jiang wanyin for that comment. I remember he swung at a pillar and collapsed it. He only stopped because Lan shizui called out to him. TYIA!

FOUND! Better than a Mouthful of Blood by mondengel (T, 1k, gen) and it is locked to archive accounts

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9. I watched wangxian toxic lover FF video in YouTube I want read this ff please can you search the ff story I'm try find this story but never find it's request please can you find

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10. Hi! Thank you for all your help in finding all these good fics! I've found so many excellent stories based on your recs and findings ���️ If it's not too much trouble, could you please find a fic in which wei ying was faking his orgasms and lan zhan found out bcs he walked in on wei ying? Thank you

NOT FOUND! Wei Wuxian’s Shameless revenge, a Tumblr comic by @pakhnokh, elaborated in The Sweetest Morsel to the Mouth That Ever Was Cooked in Hell by Silvarbelle (E, 14k, wangxian, Mojo’s post)

NOT FOUND! Lie Back and Think of Yunmeng by sophie_448 (E, 8k, WangXian, Arranged Marriage, Observed Consummation, Dubious Consent, Public Sex, Exhibitionism, A/B/O Dynamics, Boypussy, Vaginal Sex, ambiguous historical fantasy setting, referenced Wei Ying/others for ~educational purposes, Faked orgasms, chastity examination)

FOUND! if there ever was a perfect couple this one qualifies by wildwestwind (E, 4k, wangxian, F/M, gender changes, smut, anorgasmia, rope bondage, consensual non-con, gentle dom LWJ, lack of communication, fluff) this is maybe left field since it is a m/f fic but the description reminded me a lot of this one

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11. Do you know the title of a fic where Wei Ying changes into a woman due to a pill he took from a black dog that was frozen in an array. It took him back in time and he decided to help the sunshot compaign from the sideline so no one knew of the demonic cultivator. He runs into lan Zhan who realizes it’s Wei Ying and follows after him. Wei Ying claims ayuan as his son. I’ve read it before but have lost it. Thank you in advance for any help! @minniemickey1987

FOUND? 今非昔比 Jīn fēi xī bǐ by XieJianRou (Not rated, 119k, wangxian, time travel fix-it, fem WWX)

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12. Here am I bothering you guys again, lol. I'm looking for a fic that takes place in a world where people are decided as doms and subs. I think that Lwj was a dom and Wwx a sub. Wwx is having a sub drop at the burial mounds, so Wq sends a letter to Lwj so he can go help get Wwx out of the dropping. Some misunderstanding happens, and it ends with Lwj having a dom drop, but wwx doesn't notice and sends Lwj away, but Wq noticed Lwj was dropping, and when she found out Wwx sent him away, she scolded Wwx and told him to go find Lwj before something bad happened with him.

FOUND? A Gesture of Companionship by Khashana (E, 5k, wangxian, bdsm au, burial mounds settlement days, dub con, spanking, scratching, no lube, inappropriate use of gusu lan ribbon, sex pollen vibes, fuck or severe consequences, going nonverbal, sub drop, top drop, angst w happy ending)

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13. I have completely lost track of a fic, and I hope you guys can find it for me since I have given up. So it was a War prize wangji fic, though I don't remember if it was tagged that or not. It was actually primarily in LXC's pov. Everyone was at a conference in Lanling, and LXC had heard a bunch of horrible rumors about what LWJ was supposedly suffering, but then wangxian came in looking swag af, and LXC kept checking over and staring at LWJ to assuage himself of the worry when LWJ looked fine. Then there was a bit where NMJ got sat at the table with them in a Jin attempt to provoke him or WWX into trouble, and it failed. Then there was a break, and everyone went shopping, and WWX kept going on and on about LWJ and everyone by the end of it realized WWX was a dork and stupid in love with LWJ. I think this was multi chapter? But that's everything I can remember.

Thank again for your help!

Asker from 13 on ff, it is not Love, in fire and blood. Like I said, the fic was entirely from LXC's pov and at no point did it switch to or from that. It also entirely takes place at a banquet. Other scenes I remember is that when LWJ and WWX appeared, LWJ was described to have a long train on his coat, later during the banquet LXC makes note that LWJ is eating some chicken that WWX had put on his plate and that LWJ's cheeks look chubby since he'd last seen him. WWX had also never met NMJ before.

I don't remember if it was a long one shot or a chaptered fic, but if it was chaptered it wasn't very many, like 4 or 5.

NOT FOUND! love, in fire and blood by cicer (E, 360k, wangxian, Bottom LWJ, Arranged Marriage, political scheming, Gratuitous Domesticity, Mutual Pining, EXTREME SLOWBURN, Bottom LWJ) might be "Love, In Fire And Blood" It is a war prize au and when wangxian re-enter society they are both dressed to the nines (LWJ notably not wearing his Lan whites) and there is a focus on Xichen being worried for his brother. But the whole fic is not from Xichen's perspective.

FOUND! Cessation by devinokaze (T, 6k, wangxian, canon divergence, YLLZ WWX, fluff, LXC pov)

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14. Hello fic finder, I don't know if you are still finding fics but i've been trying to find a wangxian fic where wei wuxian was raised by his mother cangse sanren and sends a letter to the cultivation saying she is coming down the mountain. Lan Zhan and Wei Ying meet in a forest and end up adopting Xue yang, Moxuanyu, and A yuan. Meng Yao is cangse sanrens disciple in this fic and wen ruohan isn't causing trouble. Wuxian cross dresses in this fic and its not jiang friendly. Please can you help me

FOUND? Resplendence by FrozenMarVel (E, wangxian, JYL/JZX, JC/LXC, different first meetings, love at first sight, fluff, rogue cultivator WWX, crossdressing, flirting, fix-it of sorts, smut, WIP)

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15. Hi! I wanted to ask about a fic where lwj wakes up one morning and sees wwx sitting on the floor, crying, wearing the same clothes he was wearing the previous night because he found all the letters lwj wrote to him in those 13 years and read them. I read smth like that and forgot the name😭 @angrybagginshieldbakery

FOUND? no better version of me by idrilka (E, 8k, WangXian, Established Relationship, Love Letters, Tender Sex)

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16. Hi, I'm looking for a fic, the only thing I remember was that (due to time travel shenanigans perhaps?) WWX was absent for the investigation and fight of the waterborne abyss and as a consequence LWJ died. I think WWX only found out about it a long time later. Does anyone remember this fic? Thank you! A big thank you also to the mods for putting in the time to manage this blog!

I've read #16! I think it was caused by LXC going back in time, he could only change one thing, and decided that LWJ and WWX shouldn't become close, and so doesn't let WWX and JC come with them to fight the abyss. He then goes back to the future only to learn that LWJ died.

FOUND! Alternative Choices by StarClearWaters (Readoutloud) (T, 20k, wangxian, LXC/WQ, pov LXC, protective LXC, time travel, temporary character death, butterfly effect, mpreg, panic attacks)

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17. Hi! I'm actually looking for 2 fics! A) is LZ goes to burial mounds w/WY the lan elders start arguing through rules on a mountain with LZ eventually WY gets involved. B) is LZ had left the lan for a few years(?) and the elders, LX,&LQ try to get him to come back- the fic focuses on rules and how LZ breaks them, like it mentions him braiding beads into his hair and i also remember that LZ & WY had a wagon full of children! I love all the work you all put in on this blog! LOTS OF LOVE @chubbypotato23

17A)

FOUND? A War of Stone and Silence by kitsunealyc (T, 4k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Burial Mounds, Lans Being Crappy Communicators, Wall of Discipline, Remix)

17B)

FOUND? Unpack your heart by Terri Botta (Isilwath) (T, 22k, wangxian, 1st in series, canon divergenec, romance, everyone lives au, LWJ stays at Burial Mounds, not lan elder friendly) the part they remember starts in chapter 3

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18. hey! im looking for a modern fic where i believe wwx is married to mm and he meets lwj later.. they have an affair of sorts?? cheating was one of the tags i think. it was around 15-25k, angsty but a happy ending.. thats all i got lol. Thank you for your help!!!

FOUND? We Take Our Vows Seriously by JJSIN2020 (E, 30k, WangXian, Modern AU, LWJ is Married, WWX is not, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, emotional comfort not in your spouse, Eventual Smut, Lime spritzers, that's the drink, too bad if you don't like them)

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19. Fic finder request, please! 🙂 A modern au where WWX had created a security pc program and was pretty rich. He lives with the wens and is friends with NMJ and NHS and gets spooked early into his relationship with LWJ and runs away to hide in a hotel room. No one can find him until NHS bribes a restaurant worker and then convinces WWX to go back.

FOUND! Come Around and Stay by trippednfell (M, 160k, wangxian, modern, slow burn, kid fic, found family, it gets worse before it gets better, PTSD, blood and injury, dissociation, trauma, angst w happy ending, musicals, alternating pov, JC & WWX reconciliation, hurt/comfort, panic attacks) the scene described is in chapter 10

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20. Hi! I’m looking for a fic where Wei Wuxian travels back in time to the Cloud Recesses and immediately tried to kill himself by jumping into the river in the Cloud Recesses. He survives and then there is a scene where he uses some sort of empathy to show Lan Wangji and Nie Huaisang what happened to him that lead to home being there. I would appreciate help finding it, though I understand if you are too busy

FOUND? Without end by barisan (M, 70k, wangxian, major character death, time travel, suicide attempt, hurt/comfort, depressed WWX, protective LWJ, good uncle LQR, bad parents JFM & YZY, not YZY & JFM & Jiang friendly, implied/referenced child abuse & self harm, BAMF WWX, WIP)

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[lullabyalikpoptarot]

in some skz readings it sounds like some mmebers are either stuck in the past or have a sort of woe is them mentality whilst others seem genuinely ok with having their activities and schedules the way it is even if they felt mistreated or controlled in the past. is there any skz memebr that is genuinely consistent to read on, ofc i expect them to all have ups and downs but thats something they cant control so do any members seem stuck on victim mentality often or inconsistantlly

i notice that in the docuseries i have been watching a lot of the trainees seem to always say things like they will work harder and train harder ik this is common in sk for trainees but they have such an insecure unconfident and almost scared mindset which isnt good to go into if they truly cared about being famous and its not even jusr about fame at all even idols themselves are hit or miss when describing their experiences its either one extreme or the other if theyre mentioning all the bad things but they still personally endorse and chose to endorse an idol / trainee lifestyle is it not bit hypocritical of them to say oh well pls pity them?

thats the bit i find hardest with ppl in the public eye its because theyre put on a pedestal too and i try to understand but at the end of the day we really dont understand but they expect normal ppl to "get it". they can work hard but if they dont personally treat themselves like humans not much else we can do or say to that is there? its how their culture is over there. i also think trainees fail to admit that they realy dont all need to be famous and thats ok too but they dont admit it in themselves and almost force themselves to endure such hardships and all the "pressures" was supposed to make them work "harder" for their goals and dreams of fame and success. its rather double edge sword.

people think its always the fans expectations but its also the idols mental attitude that really does them no favors like no resting when theyre sick, no taking better care of their health. fans are just spectators at the end of the day the idol is still very much their own responsibility and theyre only victims of their choice just as much as anyone else is. it really feels that they look down on being normal too. oh they dont want or cant bare to be a normal person, i get some genuinely are suited for being on the stage but even so they have such a scared or scarcity mindset and often come across as being hella insecure themselves which isnt a bad thing its normal and relatable yet at the same time it still feels like theyre a bit contradictory themselves. skz imparticular try to appear normal but after they have reached such popularity u really cant take it back and i think they seem to forget that a lot esp in their readings. sorry for my rant but what do you think?

its one thing to be like idols are humans too but yh idols are also their choice their health and wellbeing is on them and their team only. if someone desire to be seen a certain way they really cant expect to not be pressured to be a certain way does that make sense? i watched that documentary of how they put a new group together but it doesnt make any logical sense to me. they kept saying what was so wrong about it but then if it was so wrong they still havent quit it at the same time they keep going further as they can because they wanted to be as known as they are?

No matter what they do, they can never really escape the mindset of the culture. It is about doing the hardwork, struggling, keep pushing forward, not complaining, listen to your elders and shut up mentality, and fit into the narrative. Showing any signs of weakness and flaws is frowned upon, so it is understandable that they try their best to show their best selves, even if it doesn’t reflect reality. As a whole, appearing a certain way is important to them. It is how it is there. How the idols act is a reflection of the society as a whole, as you did mention, so we got to recognize that is just how it is there. As an outsider, I would struggle to survive in this environment, but if you are in it, that is all you know and they got to survive somehow. Kpop did a good job of glamorizing Korea, but it isn’t what it is cracked up to be, just like how they do with the States, or any country, like Northern Europe too when these countries also have their downsides. Critiquing others and pointing out what is wrong is a thing in Korea, more so when it comes to looks and work, this is a thing in Asia as a whole. This is nothing that can be changed, unless the people in the culture change it.

[swamp-gremlin]

My Old Nick hc's, interpretation, analysis, and other odd bits PT.1

Part 2

This is long overdue but I feel I oughta get something out of the way. I've had a incredibly aggressive special interest in him for like 3-5ish years and at some point in writing hc's I just started making shit up(I mean isn't that just hc's are?) because I really just took a guy with a whopping 14 lines of dialogue and just started sprinting.

I'm choosing to actually leave a few things out as I wish to explore those ideas more in This isn't over Jack, Ill probably swing back around to this after I wrap that up. In the mean time if you wanna swap ideas I'm down(please please please pleaseplea)

Turns out I hit text limit with this oh my lord, ill post pt2 tomorrow, i'm sorry

Can't think of anything particularly triggering in this but i'll warn it gets just kinda bleak

Human turned Fae- I will not elaborate, this will be explained later...

would actually break your legs if you called him a fairy

I've never actually pinned down any specific powers for him for some reason? like i just cant think of like any that i could write/ illustrate that wouldn't feel too gauche... So I just kinda nebulously imaged so weird fae-fuckery type of magic- though I think the most compelling interpretation of his powers was in Scouts Australian Christmas (pls go read it, its a really good fic)

Gay, but I cant imagine he's like particularly out about it; like its a iykyk sorta think because I definitely feel there probably some shame or internalized homophobia there (smth smth homophobic senator caught in a gay bar joke)

Autistic, but most definitely not diagnosed- he would become absolute incensed if you suggested it, like "There is nothing wrong with me, I am normal" but you can tell that he knows there's something "wrong with him" but he has no idea what and is incredibly afraid of even attempting to confront that

Can't imagine there's a moment where he's not masking, he doesn't understand his own limits and will keep doing things until he quite literally can't anymore

Probably has some ~effeminate~ interest he's deeply embarrassed by, but like in all reality its very normal and even if it was thats not a bad thing, he just makes it a big deal for no reason

STRADDLING the line between infodumping and mansplaining

Could be genuinely into a topic but he's just so condescending about it

High functioning alcoholic, kinda in that 50s/ rich way but it's very obvious he has a problem but everyone always brushes it off as "thats just how he is/ things are"

Nick could honestly just be summed up in his impact as a *a systematic bad thing happens again and again* "thats just how things are, get over it" sorta thing or a "Heart warming: student raises funds to prevent orphans from being sent to orphan grinder" and then no-one questions why the orphan grinder exists in the first place

He has been meticulously constructing his public image/ brand as "Old Nick"/ "The Spirit of Australian Christmas"

He is a liar, but he's a very good liar

His accent is fake, his laugh is fake, his public lore is fake and he's not even Australian he's British! (Which is arguably worst thing he has done)

He's basically been voice training to keep up a modern australian accent for years now, but his real accent is more of that 1700s british (which actually sounds different from modern a modern britsh accent) but sometimes he's has moments and his accent slips (mostly when he's yelling)

Has practiced his evil villain laugh so hard, like its a good villain laugh but if you listen hard you can tell its not real

Genuinely so fucking embarrassed by his actual laugh which i can only describe as if a goose that has been smoking a pack a day was being strangled to death

I kinda go back an forth on Nicks upbringing sometimes, because I kinda feel I went the kinda overplayed sorta tragic backstory; but also growing up in 1700s England was probably not fun if you weren't rich and also have you ever met a miserable boomer who does the whole "kids these days are too damn soft back when I was a kid *recounts an incredibly traumatizing event*!" Thing? Yeah he probably does that a lot and it makes everyone kinda uncomfortable

Maybe orphaned? Probably had brothers because he has strong younger brother "your oppressing me by giving me a task" energy (btw this relates to a super stupid hc that im not gonna share because its incredibly dumb)

Expressed a lot of attention seeking behavior from a young age, would purposefully get into trouble so someone would notice him

This behavior followed him into adult life and it would just keep getting worst and worst, like getting into bar fights that he would definitely lose and petty crime

Eventually he just kept ramping up the severity of his crimes till he actually had a warrant/ bounty placed for his arrest

To avoid getting arrested he became a sailor in his late 20s and jumped between ships and trades up until his 50s/60s

Eventually he was arrested and then get shipped off to Australia

After a few months he stuck there he was like "actually, fuck this" and started plotting an escape

He stole a boat and with his previous knowledge from being a sailor he was so full of himself he thought he did single-handedly sail and navigate back Britain or a British sympathetic colony and then lay low for the rest of his life

Of course he didn't happen and due to the fact he is stupid he got stranded in antarctic and the rest is history

If you wanna know how we got from "random crusty criminal" to "Spirit of Australian Christmas" you have to stick around for my shit ass comic and videos fucker

anyway where was i, Nick proceeded to twists that into "Yeah i totally meant to do discover antarctic, even though i was a 1780s peasant who would have not have even known that antarctic was even thing" he kinda sorta dropped the rest of it and made up more shit Homelander style

I don't believe that Nick was like well off in anyway when he was still mortal, and despite being just bludgeoned over the head with the effects of classism and a nightmare capitalist hell society he developed this horrible idolization of the rich and developed this almost "by your bootstraps" mentality but with like the brutality rich bushiness owners would treat there workers, where he though if he became horrible and ruthless he could trample and climb on the backs of his fellow men till he made it to that oh so coveted high society life.

probably doesn't help he would do absolutely anything for money either

and the thing is he made it, he's just unfathomably rich(that is till all those gambling debts catch up to him...) he got what he wanted, he got he's gotten all the money and attention he could have wanted... and yet he's miserable, nothing will ever be enough for him.

Throw back motif that's still my favorite- "decaying luxury". Nick is like obviously rich as fuck and yet just refuses to fix anything, like his sweater has so many little holes in it he just stopped bothering to fix, he's patched his pants so many times, stairs worn down to the point the rug is thread bear and the wood is dented, intricate arsenic and lead laced wallpaper that's now water damaged and peeling, his favorite chair's seams are ripped, and the stuffing and springs are just compressed and flat to the point its not even comfortable to sit in anymore. Like he can fix it, he has the money, and yet he just won't for some reason.

Oh speaking of arsenic and lead- mans is just absolutely FULL of lead, arsenic, asbestos, any other harmful thing the Victorians where just absolutely HUFFING

tangent on a tangent, i really associate him with the Victorian era despite him being born in the 1700s, maybe its the child labor, maybe its the stupid chops, he just looks like he should be in super tall neck-line and doing coke for a headache

Nick is just both incredibly self absorbed but also so fucking insecure, like very big insecure man makes his problems everyone else's problem and take his out on other people to feel better about himself energy

He's just so vain too, like i image he's just obsessed with himself and his image, probably doesn't help he's quite literately has been decomposing for like the last two centuries (IT WILL BE EXPLAINED WHY LATER I PROMMY) so he just has this like incredibly extensive Patrick Bateman ass self-care routine so he doesn't get moldy

[fagsystem]

Quite a long post as this is a mixture of my and Fearne's thoughts. Fae wrote the part under the -, but asked for me to reword what fae meant to be clearer.

When it comes to the discussion of CDDs and certain alters being disabled in ways the rest of the system is not, people often times do not acknowledge that it is the CDD itself that is playing a major role in that disability.

Fearne struggles with the ability to communicate. The rest of the system is able to far easier and clearer than fae is able to. While it is likely being autistic plays a part in this, it is the dissociative barriers that are what inhibits faer from accessing the skills the rest of the system have.

Fae believes that it is important to acknowledge the fact that it is the CDD itself that is disabling. For example, in the instance of alters who cannot speak in a verbal system, it is not being nonverbal that is the culprit behind that disabling symptom, it is having a CDD. Fae believes it is important to recognise that, both to ensure that those who are actually nonverbal are not spoken over, but also because it is a disabling symptom of a disorder that should be acknowledged and spoken about.

As an alter in a system who is disabled in ways others are not, fae wishes to open up the conversation about how that is a real thing that pwCDDs experience. Not because they have disabilities the body does not, but because they have CDDs.

-

since the topic of 'nonverbal' alters in systems have come up, i wanted to talk about how i dont really see people talk about how cdds can be disabling because certain alters cant do stuff the others can.

im one of our hosts now. and i struggle to communicate a lot. and this is partially because of our autism symptoms pretend as me as an alter, but its the DID that makes me unable to access the skills the rest of us have. like. the others know what they feel better than i do, and can describe it. i dont know if im sad or angry about a certain person in our life, i just know i want to hit them with a car. and i cant explain why. because i also dont want to. but the fact that i dont want to makes me want to hit them with a car even more. which. is confusing.

and i struggle to put words together. typing these things is taking so long, so much longer than when someone else in our system does it. every single word is an effort, and putting it together is hard. but im not able to be coherent at all really went verbally trying to say it, so. i dont know.

i just think that we should talk about it more.

[sirenofthegreenbanks]

thoughts shaking around my head since my last post but yeah i think thats why im still so struggling with writing a pure novel zzs in fic. one big part of his characterization is that he misinterpretes non-transactional, unconditional acts of kindness and love towards him, and it gets worse the more personally involved he is. he is so bad at correctly interpreting it it makes the narrative sometimes incomprehensible. ive been having fun with this and technically i dont struggle with it, but i just cant bear to write a zzs who sincerily believes others wouldnt treat him as human. its too. like it hits too close to home i cant. zzs from the show is kind of better at this, but the one from the novel is just aaaall over the place. there is an infinite amount of misunderstandings between him and wkx, im certain as the years go by and im rereading tyk again and again, i will find even more. some are easily to spot, some are incredibly hidden. its hard to judge because wkx is super ambigious in most things he does, and zzs is not wrong for a fact (but hes also not entirely right!). its easier with zcl, who is a child and just wants to be loved. wkx has soooo many agendas of his own, hes like a cake he has layers. ugh!!!!!! just thinking about writing fic that imitates tyk's storytelling techniques (smth that sparks joy!) and describe a thousand different instances of this, going really into the depths of How Bad zzs actually is at this, how shit, and where it stems from, that he is Not Well and Hasnt Been For A While, makes me want to throw everything over the banister and just quit outright

[hwaightme]

Okay i'm here as promised buckle up because i have A LOT to say!!!

first lemme just say that i wanted to read the beginning quickly before going to work but i ended up powering through the whole thing i literally could not put it down. during the whole thing i was literally thinking is the kind of shit that should get published. so beofre i ramble into oblivion

i divided my comment into 3 points

first, oc really hit home on this one. like when you wrote that she born into heartbreak and nutured by it i felt that so hard. from the get go i felt really close to her. and what you was were describing felt so real. she didn't feel rushed or superficial she felt like a real character with background and history. so yeah amazing character development

second, the pacing of it all was outstanding!! like it was impossible to stop reading. i was literally held hostage by this fic yes it was THAT good! every event the was progressing the story flowed naturally nothing felt rushed or dragged on. it was just the perfect rythym!!!

third, T.H.E S.M.UT. girllll i cannot believe it was your first smut!!!! like brooo omg the amount of times i almost threw my phone across the room just to get a breather... honestly when they were back in the club and mingi just blurted "use me" i literally LOST. IT. the tension was through the roof!!! i was legit kicking my feet because i was just going insane. and what followed was just to die forrrrrr everything was perfecttttt princess mingi is the absolute best!!!!!!!

and that cliffhanger girl we live in a world where we need part 2 of this masterpiece. like im really NOT the romantic type at all but you got me so in my feels so much that i crave a good ending. like i loved so much peeking throught the cracks of oc's thick armour. mingi def has the power to get her to bring her guard down. of course as an author myself there absolutely no pressure! creative process cant be forced but just know if this happen ill be there literally barking lol

okay so thats all thanks so much for this amazing ff ! sorry for the typos im legit just typing and not thinking

Hello there! Am I tearing up? Why yes I am ;~; This really is leaving me speechless. To borrow Shakespeare's words from Twelfth Night: “I can no other answer make but thanks, and thanks, and ever thanks.”

I am reading and rereading your comments and it honestly feels surreal. I so deeply appreciate what you have written and what your thoughts are about 'Use Me', and before I go and sob a lil bit from the sheer glee and how overwhelmed I am (in the best sense ever), let me try my best to answer you <3

As someone who adores literature in all of its forms, I am beyond honoured that you feel this is the type of work that should be published. Really, I have no words other than the fact that I am blown away and am so grateful.

About the OC, what you wrote about the feeling of depth and of connection with the character is so unbelievably meaningful to me. I greatly enjoy work that delves into exploring the psyche and the emotional landscape of personas, and attempt to learn bit by bit about how to incorporate that; proper character development, as well as having good pacing are both major goals for me, so I… quite literally… shouted into the horizon when I read your kind words about that. I am sitting here beaming at the screen <3 (because I am held hostage by your ask I literally want to print it out and hug it and am giving you a virtual hug right now)

As the song goes: THANXX (and gracias, and all translations of it)!!!!! Ahah yep indeed it was and I am seriously really honoured that the tension and the flow of the scenes were that kind of an experience <3 (and princess mingi for the win ;))

This is the highest form of praise, right here, and okay you know how I said 'tearing up' yeah I am fully boarding the feels train, you say you are in the feels? Okay what is your seat I am about to be in the carriage thank you so much!!!! ;~; Really grateful for your understanding nature and for your kindheartedness and for the time that you took to read and to share your thoughts with me and really… I think… a part 2 could very much be a (high) possibility now ;) as you say, it may take a little longer, but I would love to dive in deeper, and see how the relationship in 'Use Me' will be changing, how the past can haunt just about anyone, and if, given time and effort, people can heal, and learn to both love and live.

From the bottom of my heart, I thank you so much for your words, the inspiration and motivation. Much love, big hugs and wishing you all the very best and more <3

[mslorelai]

I fucking hate christmas.

Let me rewind a bit. It isn't just that day that I hate, but all the cold days. I have SAD. I've suffered from it for many years, and most of those years I have pushed through alright. Obviously, as here I sit.

This year my change of circumstances have it hitting me exceptionally hard. After the accident, I've not felt the same for a single day. I've not had sharp pain or some kind of short disorientation or loss of thoughts or rationality at least for a few minutes a day. The three different therapies a week for two months helped quite a bit, but they didnt put me back to exactly where I was. Not like I was in an amazing place before, but still not good.

So the therapies are over, and the last doctors visit related to the accident was had. I will freely admit that since the event and coming home in march, everything has been much harder to cope with anyway, but the accident has really done me in mentally and physically. I broke down after so many years of fighting it and asked for depression meds. i told her I dont want to be the person who goes through a hundred meds just trying to get something right, especially after all the meds I have to be on now bc the accident that I am less than pleased about.

she gave me zoloft, and Ive tried it for a couple months paired with the double boost of anxiety meds, and it has literally done zero. no bad, no good, no single thing. so i stopped, just went on with the others, and really at this point I feel as if I am being devoured emotionally by some unseen being from the inside. I was thinking about how incredibly depressing this christmas has become, not just for my internal crazy person emotions, but for external stuff too that has nothing to do with myself directly. Suddenly, I was hit by that falling Acme piano during a rainstorm on a sunny day indoors.

Right this moment I am shaking profusely and cant stop. Anxiety meds down the hatch! Waiting...trying so hard to shake this feeling like at any moment, I am going to snap. I am right back to 2018. I've not met the deceased spouse. My kid is still away. I have that flood of memories swirling around the thought that once he is back on his feet and doing well and doesnt need mom to help him navigate life, once my sweet Brown goes, I no longer have a reason to live, and at this point I am so ready to be done.

Flash back to today, right now, and i remember telling doc that I dont want to kill myself, i just need something to take the edge off, and I couldnt really describe what the edge needed to be removed from until now. I am desperate to crawl out of the absolute void of nothingness. The deepest of all blacks. The iciest of the supernova booms. You would think they would be hot, and maybe they truly are, but to me they are polar vortex cold. I need to be pulled out from the crunchy ice littered deepest royal blue ocean that is so deep that not even the angler fish can find me. I am asking to be pulled from this. I am clawing to stay out of it with everything i have and its so hard.

Its hard to stay out when, simultaneously, I want to be consumed so that it all abruptly ends. no big drama for anyone else to deal with. Just quick, back to the original plan from before I got married was seventeen seconds from being brain matter squash on the ground.

If you ask me if I want to kill myself, I will always answer no. However, at this point I am not opposed to speeding up the train on the way to the station. I really really really just want this to be over with. Fuck christmas, it's always sucked anyway. Fuck this empty desperation in my stomach. bring me the void. it has to be less painful than life.

[rek1s-headband]

Hello may i request reki angst taking place after episode 7 with a fluff ending?

➯ A/N: Thank you for the request! I’m sure after episode 7 we all need a little bit of Reki comfort. Let’s all give this boy some much needed loving:)

A question for those of you who watched the recent episode: how are we feeling?

➯ Character: Reki Kyan x Reader

➯ Warnings: Shouting, implications of a panic attack

➯Word count:1.7K

“Someone who deserves you”

You could feel yourself struggling to keep your balance on your skateboard, the rain beating down on your figure. Reki hasn’t been answering any of your texts, and had been very distant with you in school, so you’d decided to ride up to his house to see what was wrong. Any time you asked him if he was alright in school, any time you’d beg him to tell you what was making him look so upset, he’d simply ruffle your hair and tell you not to worry your pretty little head about it, that there was nothing wrong. You were his s/o, surely he’d tell you if something was wrong? You’d asked Langa if he knew what was up with Reki, and he’d simply shrug, telling you reki had been kind of off with him as well.

Your thoughts were abruptly interrupted as you hit a stray pebble, sending you flying over your board and hitting the floor with a thud. You heard your board roll away, heard someone stop it and pick it up. Looking up, you saw none other than Langa Hasegawa himself walking over to you. He looked concerned, but as he got closer to you, he was wearing what could only be described as a look of pure despair. He put your board down beside you, tears quickly collecting around his eyes.

You were off the floor in an instant, pulling him into your chest, swaying the two of you as langa quietly sobbed into your shoulder. You could feel your hoodie begin to get soaked with rain and his tears, holding him impossibly tighter and playing with his hair in an attempt to calm him down. When his shoulders stopped shaking, you pulled his head out of your shoulder, holding his face in your hands and using your thumbs to swipe away his tears that were beginning to gather again.

“Langa,” you say it gently, but there’s a firmness in your voice that holds enough importance for him to hold in his third hiccup within a minute. “What happened?” The question was barely out of your mouth before his grip on your arms tightened, and he began talking 90 miles a minute.

“It’s Reki, he—I went to his house because he seemed off today and I wanted to know what was wrong, but he wasn’t there so I waited until he came home, but he didn’t show up for ages and I thought maybe he was busy but then it started raining and he came back and he looked so sad, I just wanted to figure out was wrong, but he started shouting a me, saying I was gonna break our promise to not skate against Adam. And I know I told him I wouldn’t skate against him, but its just so exciting and I know I need to beat him if I’m gonna get better, y/n, I need to. But Reki doesnt see that, he just thinks I’m gonn get hurt and-“ you placed a careful hand over his mouth, effectively shutting him up.

“Langa,” you repeated yourself, urgency prevalent in your voice this time. “Where is Reki now?”

“At his house. His mom thought he was with me, can you believe that? He wouldn’t tell me where he was, though. He looked all roughed up and hurt, I just wanted to make sure he was-“ once again, poor Langa’s rambling was cut off, this time by you getting on your skateboard and riding off to Reki’s house. You could tell both boys were clearly hurting, but Reki was all that seemed to fill your mind as you sped down the road to his house. As you began to approach his house, you could make out a small figure leaning against the wall, head in his hands, and soaking wet. Why wasn’t he inside? You saw his head perk up a bit when you got off your skateboard, only to hide his face when he realised it was you, tears also streaming down his face. You knew something was wrong, so why the hell did he try and keep it from you?

Reki didn’t have much time to compose himself or try to explain what was going on before you were marching up to him and flinging your arms around his neck. He stumbled back slightly from the impact, tensing up a bit, before finally letting go and wrapping his arms around you, burying his face in your neck. You kept him there for a little bit, before he was slowly pushing you off him, not daring to look you in the eyes. You looked him over, seeing his multiple bruises and rips in his clothing. For once it was him who couldn’t seem to get a word out, and you who couldn’t seem to stop talking.

“What the hell was that? Why did I run into Langa on my way here, and why was he so upset? Why are you so upset? What’s been going on the past coupe of days, you’ve seemed so sad, and I just wanted to make sure you’re okay, but you’ve been so distant and you keep telling me you’re okay, when you’re clearly not okay, so why the hell would you keep it from me? And your clothes, did you fall? Why would you...Reki?” Your questions slowly faded out as you watched Reki slump against the wall, refusing to say a word or look you in the eyes. You got closer to him, a quiet “Reki..?” passing your lips. As you got closer, you heard how quickly he was breathing, heard him quietly repeating “I’m sorry” over and over. You placed your hands on his face, forcing him to look at you. “Hey, Reki, look at me. Its okay. It’s me. I’m not mad at you, I could never be mad at you, no one is.” You could feel his breathing slow down a bit, but he didn’t stop shaking. “Please, talk to me.”

He stood up straighter, taking one of your hands in his, looking away from you once again. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” When you gave him a look of curiosity and concern, he let out a shaky breath, continuing to speak. “I didn’t mean to worry you, I just—I didn’t want to hold you back, any of you. Maybe,” he looked at you for the first time in what felt like forever, “maybe you’d be better of if we weren’t together.” He gave you the fakest smile you’ve ever seen as you felt your heart fall into your stomach. “You should find someone who can keep up with you. Someone who deserves you”

Oh.

So that’s what it was....

“Reki....” you pulled his chin up to look at you, tears pooling in both of your eyes at this point. “Is that how you really feel?” You thought he was having a hard time after Langa had gotten better at skateboarding, but any time you questioned him he simply perked up, claiming he was delighted with Langa’s “newfound fame.” But now you were certain of it. “You know we’d never, ever leave you behind, right? We love you, all of us do!” You stopped to wipe a tear away from his face, feeling his shuddering breath on your face.

“It’s just that,” he pulled away from your hold, pulling his arms in around himself. He took a step or two back, tilting his head back to look up into the sky, rain pouring onto his face. “It was me who started skating first, he’s barely even started! And now he’s beaten two of the top competitors, and he wants to go against the founder of the whole thing? It’s not fair, it was my thing, and now he’s got all the recognition! I dont even care that he’s gotten good, I couldn’t be happier. I just dont want this to all get to his head and leave me! Or worse,” he made his way back over to you, putting his hands on your shoulders, “what if he gets hurt, and he quits skateboarding and I’m alone again? I can’t do it again, y/n, I cant lose another friend.” He collapsed into your arms, and you could feel him begin to cry again. For someone who was always such a ball of enthusiasm, this was heartbreaking to watch unfold. You held him close to you, pushing your hands through his sopping wet hair, making a mental note to force him to take a warm bath later.

You began to trace patterns on his back as you felt him calm down a little, poking his head out from where it was hiding. “There’s no one in this world I’d rather be with than you, Reki, so you can cut the ‘someone who deserves you’ shit. I’m yours, and you’re stuck with me whether you like it or not” you gave him a soft smile as he began to wrap you in an embrace, the persistent rain still beating down on the pair of you. He placed his hands on your hips, looking down on you with what could only be described as a look of pure adoration.

“What the hell did I do to deserve someone like you”, he gave you a soft smile, before leaning down to give you a desperate, passionate kiss. You reciprocated immediately, running your hands through his hair once again. You stayed like that for a while, pressing long, open mouthed kisses to each other’s lips. You felt him let out a quiet sigh, pulling you even closer to him and gripping onto the back of your hoodie. When you finally pulled away, he kept his hands on your waist, yours still playing with the ends of his hair at the back of his neck. He looked down at you, a dopey grin plastered on his face.

“I’m not going anywhere, Reki Kyan. None of us are. You’ll never be alone as long as we’re by your side.” You kept your face close to his, your breath mingling in the middle. You pressed one last kiss to his forehead, pulling away from him. “Now lets get out of the rain, you’re gonna get sick.” He followed you down the path to his house like a puppy, a fond smile never leaving his face. “And you better talk to Langa as soon as you get out of that damn shower, I’ve never seen that guy look worse than he did than he did leaving your house.”

“Shit”

[quirklessidiot]

Title: first meetings [ii. the small pink-haired boy] Genre: just angst, drama, romance, historical fiction Pairing: Sorcerer!Sukuna x gn!sorcerer!reader (heian era; pre-curse sukuna)

Synopsis: in which you befriend the slave boy you’re supposed to spy on.

Warnings: not canon stuff, future dark themes,, smoll manga spoilers, slavery, whipping, mentions of rape, language and violence Notes: im kinda back i guess skksks also these are pretty much random au’s of my own take of sukuna’s back story uwu, theyre arranged in no particular order and you can read them in any order. This started out as a random one shot and i couldnt get it out of my head lol ksksksks, def not canon btw but it is canon that sukuna used to be an all powerful sorcerer before he turned to the dark side or smthng.

lil dictionary: non-person-  usually what they called slaves during the heian era.

masterlist [for other parts] ;; taglist 

“That’s beautiful.”

Contrasting to your rather clean and prestigious appearance, the young boy was dressed in rags and had dirt painted on his face. You could tell by his uncommon red eyes that he didn’t want you here nor did he even want to be associated with you.

“...the boy is rather prideful.” your otosan recounted a few nights before, you’d usually have conversations like this since you were quite close with him and he did like to confide you with these things,“but he has spirit, he’d be good for a ward.”

“What are you doing here?” He spat, being a part of and the sole heir of your family meant you were also treated with dignity and respect, it seemed like this boy wasn’t afraid of anything or anyone, this made you grin wildly much to his disdain, “Oi, stop grinning like that. You’re creeping me the fuck out.”

“I’m Y/N.”

“And I don’t care.” 

“Has anyone told you that you’ve got quite the temper?”

“Well, has anyone told you that you’re being an annoying bitch?” he bit back, five minutes into your first meeting, this strange boy seemed to want to get furthest away from you. He seemed to be rather ignorant to his overflowing cursed energy, your father was right, this boy was definitely no joke. 

“That’s sad.” You pouted, “All I wanted to say was how beautiful that Kimono is.”

“I was at a store, looking for some clothes that best suited you when I saw a young boy of your age…” your otosan narrated, “Who had a rather high cursed energy, he seemed unaware with it. He works as an errand boy, I believe, he carries heavy clothes and silk… His looks are hard to miss Y/N, so I’m sure you won’t miss him...try to talk to him…”

The boy looks up to you, completely annoyed, “Well, you said it. Now fuck off, yeah?”

You chose to ignore him and just bend down to his level, you had no training for today so you might as well join the boy for a moment since you had time to kill, “You know, if you keep keeping that attitude up, you might scare the customers away.” you mumbled, loud enough for him to hear.

“Yeah?” he clicked his tongue, “Looks to me that you aren’t even here to buy anything.”

“He seemed rather…” Your otosan described, “perplexed...so you might as well go in my stead…”

“Ah.” your grin doesn’t seem to fade despite his rather rough way of speaking, “You just seemed around my age so I got interested.”

“No shit, now buzz off. I got no time for kids like you.”

He talks as if he was older than you, it’s no surprise. Boys like him tend to think they know quite a lot.

“Do you wish to tell me your name now?”

He was silent for a moment.

That’s when realization dawned upon you, why he seemed perplexed around your otosan, why he thinks you were an annoying buzz, and why he couldn’t reply when you asked for his name. You feel yourself inwardly cringe at your mistake, it seems like the boy your father took interest in is a slave with no name, “Twenty.” he mumbles, shrugging nonchalantly.

“What?”

“They call me twenty.” he recounts, his voice is still rough around the edges, remaining uncensored by his identity.

“Right…” you tilt your head, “Twenty…”

“You’ve got silks to bring to the next town, boy!” a loud voice calls out, cutting you short, making the pink-haired boy put the pretty kimono down and back for display. Without even sparing you a glance or a word, he retreats to the back and you’re left squatting there alone. You watch him from behind, specifically at the bandages that peeked through his wrists.

The boy had piqued your interest to the point that you made it your weekly agenda to visit him and a-some-nights agenda to watch over him. He still ignores you and seems to be annoyed by you every time but he doesn’t seem to be doing anything about it so you just sit there. 

You were also still in awe by how much raw energy he possessed, you’d ask your otosan if he knew any sorcerers with lost children because it surely seemed as if this boy wasn’t ordinary.

“Just keep an eye on him,” was all your father said as you watch the boy close up shop late at night from on top of a roof, “He might make a great sorcerer and shift the tides.”

Your otosan was not one for gambling on people but it seemed like he made a large bet on this boy. 

As usual, you’re watching over him close up. It’s late and the owner of the place walks out, a pipe on his lips. Right then and there, he slaps the pink-haired teenager right at the face, “You should’ve joined the customer awhile ago in the dressing room, boy.” he growls, “It would’ve been quick…”

You feel the negative energy emit stronger than ever and your grip on your knife is tight, “Don’t get involved, Y/N.” your otosan’s warning echoes in your head, yes your otosan may have been interested in him but he was never one to dwell in human affairs, saying they were annoying and a mess to clean up.

“...It seems like the lesson a few nights ago wasn’t enough.” you snap back to reality and watch his boss stretch out a whip with its pointy ends and you feel your blood run cold. 

‘Don’t get involved-’

You ignore your otosan’s words in your head and throw a stone right at a nearby sign, resulting in a booming clang, making the cat nearby yelp outloud. The pink-haired boy jumps on the spot and so does the older man at the sound.

“Ah fucking-” the older man curses, tucking the whip back in, “No food for you for three days. Know your fucking worth, non-person.”

Your grip on your nodachi lessens as you let out a sigh of relief, whatever legal terms your father must be talking about needs to be done quickly.

On the next day, you’re on your way to visit him again. Carrying the bento box that you know he’ll refuse again because of his ‘pride’ yet you stop dead on your tracks when you find his owner and an older man talking, Sukuna seems to be standing behind them, looking quite uncomfortable.

It didn’t take two and two to guess what was going on, the amount of cursed energy leaking on him was strong so you could only guess this was the man who wanted to get his way on him yesterday. Your nose crinkles in absolute disgust, “Don’t get involved-”

Once again, you ignore your otosan’s words.

��Hey!” You call out, you see his red eyes widen, “What are you doing?”

The older man frowns at your sudden appearance, “None of your business brat. Now go home-”

“I said,” You repeated, your voice dangerously low, “What are you doing to him?”

“He’s a non-person, kid.” his ‘owner’ growls, you notice his hands dangerously close to his whip, “A fucking slave in simpler terms, now get the fuck out before I beat him and you.”

“You don’t scare me.” Your eyes are narrowed, truthfully, no one ever scares you. You were the heir of your clan. It was to be expected and drilled since your curse energy manifested when you were five that fear would come last, “Now unhand the boy.”

“This bitch-”

“Now, now.” The other man smiles, cutting the pink-haired boy’s ‘owner’ off,  “Maybe I can take that young child with me too. After all, they seem to be good friends. Two is better than one…”

You watch the other older man snake an arm on the young boy’s shoulder and you could feel the fear leaking out, it was harder to mask and hide now. 

“Is it alright to put a little scar on’em? So that they’d know-” He gets ready to take out the whip while your fists are clenched, this would be easy. You could get away with this later, at least you’d take the boy away from this place and help him control his energy after. 

Yet before you’re able to land a blow, the pink-haired boy yells at you to move as his ‘owner’ takes out a whip to whip you.

For someone who didn’t seem to like your presence, he was rather quick to defend you, having his face get hit in the process by the sharp whip. Your eyes widen in surprise, “Ah, shit… Y/N, run!” he yells but you’re staring at his very bloody face.

It would obviously leave marks like the wrists and who knows which parts since he was always covered by that very loose raggedy kimono.

You clench your fists tightly and look up from his blood features, the ‘owner’ stops on his tracks when he meets your very cold gaze, “Do you know who you just messed with?” you asked, “You really think I won’t tell my otosan that you planned to make me your prostitute?”

“Y-Y/N, jesus christ just fucking run-” he tried to stutter out, any evidence of the prideful and strong boy who tried to shoo you away was now gone.

Yet like the stubborn child you are, you ignore him and instead take out your family seal and drop it in front of them, ignoring the pink-haired boy’s plea’s and watching the two men in front of you turn white as a ghost as they see the nameplate, “My name is Ryomen Y/N.” You stated, voice loud and clear, “And you better hope that I’ll let you out here dead or me and my otosan will hunt you down for the rest of your life.”

taglist [if your name is crossed out, i cant tag you!] @shinhiromi ;; @hcn421 ;; @airybnb ;; @coldbookworm ;; @kristineyoshaii ;; @frankenstein852​

@iguessimastannnow

[calumthoodshands]

2021 Writing Self-Evaluation!

thank you @burstingsunrise and @daydadahlias my dear friends this is terrifying for my baby writer ass but i guess i’ll try! Under the cut

1. Number of stories posted to AO3: seven

2. Word count posted for the year: 164,489

3. Fandoms I wrote for: 5sos only!

4. Pairings: so far we’re cake exclusive but well i’m caught up in a story since literally march so

5. Story with the most Kudos/Bookmarks/Comments:

all of them and surprising to no one, are from Days in the sun. i sometimes lose my mind a little when i look at the number of kudos being over 100. how. how!! and so many comments!! over 30!! bat shit insane. i’m glad people like it but it does stun me every day

6. Work I’m most proud of (and why):

i’m gonna name two bc the reasons are different. Dits, because it’s the biggest fic i have written and ever will write, bc i managed to keep a story up in over 130 k words without losing the plot, bc i myself love the world i created in it. everytime i finish a chapter i’m baffled at myself that i’m actually doing this. that i’m writing this fic for soon a whole year.

the second one is probably The easy way out. it’s in no way a particularly outstanding fic, its not long or incredibly short or anything, but i’m proud of how it came to be. i wrote it in one go in just a few hours, i got the exact vibes across that i wanted, and it even did quite well for some reason. i like it a lot

7. Work I’m least proud of (and why):

i do have a fic i am not proud of but i dont see a point in mentioning it

8. Share or describe a favorite review you received:

okay i want to mention several people bc im me and these all made me cry

starting off with megs @igarbagecannoteven bc seriously every comment she leaves on dits makes my heart hurt bc theyre so detailed and really make me believe that i’m not just doing nonsense but actually. like. having an effect on people with what i’m writing. i appeciate it more than i can put into words

second of all was that one time i got a random ask from c @soggyburgers and it was in the very beginning still and out of all fics, about my sad fic high above the city lights. i couldn’t believe someone actually read my stuff. and thought it was good. i seriously think about that message almost every month at least once. i’m still sorry i made you cry, c, i hope you’ve forgiven me

third, and a must for me to mention is the playlist des @cakes-curls made all by herself for dits. when i tell you i cried for half an hour. that my fic had such an impact someone would actually sit down and invest the time to find songs that fit the fic and the vibes????????????????? i’m. i can’t. i’ve talked about it a lot of times already and still dont know what to say to express how much it means to me.

9. A time when writing was really, really hard:

i had a huge writer’s block at one point. i think it took me a month to finish a 3 k word chapter. but also right now, i was struggling with the new chapter for dits, then i was gone over new years, and i have so much to do and i cant sort my thoughts enough to get any further. i’m incredibly frustrated atm. i also constantly think about how i dont give characterisation enough thought.

10. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you:

probably the first kiss in dits! i had it planned completely different in the beginning, only for it to take not only WAY TOO MANY CHAPTERS but also to happen in a completely different setting.

11. A favorite excerpt of your writing:

i literally can’t if anyone has suggestions hit me up i’m too tired and there are too many words

12. How did you grow as a writer this year:

i mean. i started this year. i learned how to write. how to make sentences flow. those kinda things. basics

13. How do you hope to grow next year:

I really wanna keep an eye on characterisation and i really really need to broaden my vocabulary

14. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc):

actually, i think all the writers in the club. the fact that we have a community where you can ask the most stupid questions, where you can always ask for advice, even just reading what other people write and ask about. but also just reading their fics in general. meg’s and molly’s cake fics and jess’ were so good they were the last push to get me into fic writing. but also special mention to molly. thanks for always answering my dumb ass questions no matter when or what and helping me w fic ideas <3

15. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year:

oh definitely. i was in france!! i was where the magic happens!! but also just personal perceptions of things and preferences, but i won’t specify anything. i cant afford to be perceived even more

16. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers:

write. just write. dont be afraid of ideas going to ‘waste’. dont be afraid of writing things u can’t do. if you dont post it, who will know about it? no one but you. always write it down, no matter how small the idea. u can always edit, but u cant get ideas back.

17. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year:

i have several fics i want to write, but as long as im on dits still, i dont have the brain capacity to work on other longer projects. i would love to write the neighbour fic, or the ballet fic.

18. Tag some writers whose answers you’d like to read.

I’m probably the last rn so if you read this and wanna do this pretend i tagged you!!

[crowtrinkets]

Your Weary Widow Marches

A Gender Neutral MCxFelix fic in which our dear barista educates their teacher and shows him some music from their home.

I’ve never really written fanfiction before but I thought Id give it a shot. The formatting looks weird on my end so if it looks weird after posting I apologize I couldn’t figure it out. Hope you enjoy!

—-

The crackling fire and pages being turned were the only sounds heard for the past few hours. Felix and I sat on either side of a couch placed in Anisa’s office silently reading our respective books. I’ve been in Astraea for nearly a week and had I known that Felix’s teaching method would be done via reading books the size of an encyclopedia I probably would have chosen Sage or Anisa instead... probably

I glance up at Felix, he’s sitting with legs crossed slouching on the arm rest of the couch, glasses on and enthralled in his book. I'm leaning with my back against the arm rest facing Felix, peering at him from behind my knees. I watch as his eyes scan the pages, partially hiding behind my book so he doesn’t notice me stare. I rub my eyes, dry from the endless reading of Astraean history. I know plenty of history and lore from this world thanks to countless hours of playing Last Legacy and stalking forums, but I don’t think I could’ve convinced Felix of that without having to explain what video games are let alone the internet. He thought if I were to learn magic I should at least know part of its history and it’s contribution to their society. 

Despite spending some time with Felix I'm still amazed at the attention span he has for reading. I scan the room trying not to move too much lest I be scolded by the warden. I glance over at the high back chair across the room. The one Anisa sat me in after my jaunt through Felix’s portal and painfully onto Anisa's desk. My mind begins to wander. 

I’ve only been here a short time but I feel like I’ve adjusted well. I wonder what's happening on Earth. Does time pass the same at home like how it does in this realm? World? Alternate universe? I still don’t exactly know how to explain my predicament. Has anyone noticed I'm gone yet? I wonder if I’m on the missing persons list, someone at work will have noticed I didn’t show up for my shifts. I cringe slightly at that last thought, my open book now resting on my chest. Ah damn it, I’m definitely fired aren’t I. How am I gonna pay my bills.... and my home, I miss my bed....my plants. SHIT MY PLANTS. I bring my hand to my face and cringe, my beloved house plants they’re going to wither away in my absence. Fate is such a cruel mistress.

“Bored of reading are we?” I slightly jump at Felix’s comment. I bring my hand down and look at him. Staring at me through his glasses a smirk on his lips. I flush slightly and close my book.

“No I just, got to thinking about Earth, and my life, I guess I’m just a little home sick,” I mumble out those last words. I want to be honest with Felix but I don’t want him beating himself up for my situation. I mean yes he is the reason I’m stuck here but I don't hate him for it. Felix frowns and closes his own book.

“Ah... I am sorry about that, I-“ I sit up interrupting him.

“No no no, I'm not mad at you, I’m actually quite enjoying my time here. I mean I don’t have to make drinks for annoying customers everyday here,” I force a laugh but it comes out awkwardly. Felix gives me a quizzical look. I then realize, with the amount of times he calls “dear barista” I just assumed he knew what it meant. “Yknow, my job? A barista?” Felix flushes and avoids looking at me.

“I must admit.. I do not actually know what that is,” I cant help but chuckle, the great necromancer Felix, is embarrassed to not know something.

“Well my dear teacher," I emphasize the word teacher mimicking the way he calls me, "allow me to educate you on some Earth information,” I sit cross legged and scoot closer to him book in my lap. Felix adjusts to face me properly and removes his glasses. I clear my throat and smile at him. “My part time occupation of being a Barista, requires me to make drinks for customers and sell them, more often I make coffee but sometimes people order tea. We sell pastries as well,” Felix gives me yet another confused look.

“All you do is prepare drinks and flakey confectioneries?” I nod in response with a smile, I can only imagine what he assumed a Barista was. Felix chuckles and runs a hand through his hair, “All this time I thought it was something more complicated, you described your customers as being annoying? I am assuming you do not like this particular job?”

“Well, I don't hate it but the customers can get a little rude and for the dumbest reasons too. One time a woman threw her drink at me claiming I added 3 1/2 shots of espresso and rather than 3,” I laugh to my self looking back at the memory, chuckling more when I see Felix’s horrified expression.

“A woman... threw a drink at you? Because she deemed it made incorrectly? I did not except Earth customs to be so. . . Barbaric,” Felix looks at me astonished and confused but all I can do is laugh. “And why are you laughing? Are you alright did she hit your head when she assaulted you with a beverage?” Felix is now standing while I clutch my stomach in pain, the combination of the story and Felix’s confusion is too much to bare. After a minute I manage to calm down enough to speak.

“No no, she did not hit me in the head, I’m just laughing cause it was funny, well at the time it wasn’t but my co workers took pictures and I looked ridiculous. I can laugh about it now,” I wipe a stray tear from my eye as I recount the experience. Thank god her drink was iced. 

“Picture?” Felix chimes in. I try to think of how to explain how photography works but I come up with an idea.

“Why don’t I show you?” I stand handing Felix my book and I jaunt over to Anisa’s desk. I let her peruse my backpack because she seemed so interested in my “Earthly items” as she called them. I walked back over and sit on the floor, patting the ground next to me so Felix can join. 

“You known there is a perfectly good sofa right next to you, I don’t understand why you wish to sit on the ground like we are mere children,” but despite his protests Felix sits next to me still clutching our books. I rummage through my back tossing the other items to the side. My wallet, a flyer, a jacket, that granola bar which has definitely crumbled to pieces in its package. Until I finally find it, my phone. My first night here I instinctively tried to use it, forgetting I am now stuck in a world without wifi or cell towers. In an effort to hopefully conserve its battery I hard shut off my phone I did not think I would need it but now is an opportunity for me to educate Felix about my world rather than his and tell him a little about myself. Really I just want a reason to prolong my time from reading anymore history. I hold the power button and silently pray. Please have some battery left, please please. Felix is leaning towards me, his face inching closer to mine, I glance at him studying his expression. He looks confused, and curious at the same time, there's a slight scrunch in his brow like he’s trying to seem like he understands what I’m doing, but I know he doesn’t. In that moment his eyes meet mine, I turn my head to fully face him, a blush creeps up his face and I can feel mine begin to warm as well. “Felix-“

BING

We both jump at the sound of my phone turning on. Damn phone, well I guess I kinda asked for that. Felix sits back and clears his throat.

“Um, what, what is that?” His voice wavers slightly but I choose to ignore it to save him some dignity.

“Its my phone, on Earth nearly everyone has one of these. You can use it to communicate with other people, take pictures, look things up, and listen to music.” I begin to unlock it and open my photo album.

“You can communicate with other people? On this... this flat brick?” Felix points accusatory at my phone the scrunch in his eyebrows have intensified creating deep crevices on his forehead. I nod while I scroll through trying to find the photo. 

“Yup and take pictures, such as this one,” I turn my phone to face Felix revealing the image documenting the after affects of being assaulted with coffee. He leans over to get a better look. In the picture I'm standing by the cash register, soaked through my clothes in an extra large coffee's amount of liquid. The brown liquid stains my apron and the parts on my white shirt poking out from underneath. There's smeared whipped cream going across my shoulder up my neck and partially along my jaw, and the scowl on my face could kill a man. The instant I show the picture to Felix he plants a hand over his mouth to stifle his laughter. He turns away in an attempt to hide his amusement but I know he wont last.

“Im-I must apologize I did not mean to laugh but, but the look on your face is hilarious,” Felix faces me again trying to hide his smile with the back of his hand. I start to chuckle, I turn the phone back to me and swipe to the next picture. Its a similar picture but in this one my co worker put whipped cream on top of my head, something about it “completing the look”. When I show this picture to Felix it breaks his terrible attempt of remaining poise. He laughs loudly, and it’s extremely contagious. I laugh along with him reminiscing in his beautiful laugh. Every once in a while we calm down until we look at the picture and we start up again. After a bit I’m able to calm down enough to speak.

“Don’t feel bad for laughing, at the time I was pissed but my co workers cheered me up and now I have these memories to laugh at,” I start to look through my album again as Felix calms down from his laughing high. I find more pictures to show him. Some are of me at work with my co workers, one picture of me laughing as I held a dog that jumped through the drive through window. I show him more pictures, some are of earth sunsets which Felix claimed to look like they belong in a painting. I also show him a picture of some Geese I saw while on a walk, and then a picture of said Geese chasing me. This gets Felix to laugh again but not as hard.

“You lead an interesting life on Earth, it seems similar to Sage you are also prone to provoke others into attacking you,” I roll my eyes at Felix’s joke and give him a friendly shoulder bump. Its at this moment I realize how close he’s sitting. Our books set aside and Felix is leaning on one arm politely looking over my shoulder at my phone, I can tell he doesn’t really understand how it works but it seems he’s enjoying this moment to much to ask. In an attempt to keep the sweet moment I change the subject.

“Hey do you want to listen to some Earth music?” With a nod from Felix I close the app and instinctively go to press my streaming app. Damn no Internet. I think for a second and remember I have some music I bought in times before streaming apps existed. I find the app and open it. Dear god my taste was cringey. I scroll through the songs until I stumble across a less than embarrassing song. “This is a classic where I come from, everyone has heard this song at least once. I lay back onto the floor so I can properly listen to the music. Felix looks at me and awkwardly lays down as well, I click on the song allowing it to play.

Just a small town girl

Livin' in a lonely world

She took the midnight train goin' anywhere

Just a city boy

Born and raised in South Detroit

He took the midnight train goin' anywhere

Felix gives me a puzzled look but I just shrug and look up at the ceiling. I close my eyes and take in the song as it plays. If I concentrate hard enough I can imagine my self back on Earth. Sitting in my room listening to 80s music while I do laundry or cook my dinner. I start to feel nostalgic again but I try not let my emotions take over. The song ends and I pause it before it plays the next song. I roll onto my side and rest my head on my hand.

“So what’d you think?” I beam at Felix, I genuinely want to know what he thinks of Earth music, and more specifically a song that I am quite fond of. Felix is laying flat on his back, he ankles crossed and his hands laying on his chest. He looks nervous to be laying on the ground next to me but has made no attempts to leave.

“I thought it was... interesting to say the least. It had quite a captivating story although I was confused when the subject changed multiple times, and what exactly are they trying to “not stop believing” in” Felix does air quotes and seems genuinely enthralled in the “story” of the song. I smile and start to look for another song. 

“How about you choose the next one?” I tilt my phone towards him. Felix sits up at my question.

“I dont feel very well versed in Earth music though,” He mumbles. I shrug at his comment.

“Just pick one with a name that sounds interesting to you” I show Felix how to use the phone and hand it to him laying back down. I peek at Felix, he’s holding the phone in one hand and is scrolling with the other, he’s holding it like an old man. I watch his face, he’s thoroughly looking at every single song title and determining whether they are interesting or not. I find it... cute, his concentration face is cute. Oh if he caught me staring I know he would become a blubbering blushing mess, I mean I would be too. I close my eyes again as I wait for him to pick. 

“This one seems interesting,” I hum in response, but when Felix says the title out-loud and panic seizes through me. I sit up and shout WAIT but I'm too late. He already pressed it. And then I hear it.

That dreaded, infamous G note. Felix turns towards me surprised and hastily hands the phone to me, I pause it before another note can play.

“Hells MC what will that song make my head explode or something??? You nearly made my heart stop.” Felix takes a deep breath with his hand on his chest.

“I'm sorry, that song its kind of embarrassing actually,” I can feel myself flushing, I look away in embarrassment at the fact that I had that song downloaded and the fact that I nearly sent my teacher into cardiac arrest.

“Embarrassing how?” Felix looks at me puzzled. I open my mouth to speak but then stop. Hold on a second, Felix doesn’t know this band, let alone what an emo phase is. Well judging by his raven skull necklace he does but not in the way I do. I guess it wouldn’t be so bad if we listened to it. I do still like their music. But god did it HAVE to be this song. I clear my throat and look back at Felix.

“Nothing, it’s nothing I was just being dramatic,” I stifle a laugh. “We can listen to it, I actually quite like this band,” Felix nods and turns to face my direction, were now both sitting cross legged and I press play on the song. I smile a little as the song plays and close my eyes again. I cant even remember the last time I listened to this song. My mind begins to wander again, to my younger years when I first heard this song.

 I was such a try hard back then, wanting so badly to “be different” but also to mend the emotional pain I was going through, and this band really helped me through it. This song is a little more narrative than the last one so I hope Felix would like it. I can’t believe I freaked out like I did god he must think I'm crazy, or maybe that lady really did hit my head when she threw that drink at me. As the song plays I silently hum to it, quiet enough so that Felix might not hear. I drink in the lyrics and instruments and it feels like I'm listening to it again for the first time. 

The song ends and I open my eyes again to pause the music before it plays another one.

“So what did you think of tha-“ before I can continue I'm stopped by the sight of Felix’s face. His eyes are misty and his nose is colored pink. Was he... was he crying? Felix looks at me and his eyes go wide. He quickly turns away and rubs at his face.

“There-there is quite a lot of dust on this floor, honestly you would think Annie would have any sense to clean in here every once in a while,” I cant help but smile, wow he really is a goth child. 

“It’s ok Felix, this song makes me cry sometimes too,” Felix side eyes me and sniffles.

“I-I was not crying, yes I admit the song was... moving to say the least…. But, but I will not be mocked by you for my emotions,” Felix turns to face me again refusing to meet my eyes, his voice turning accusatory. I scoot closer to Felix and place a hand on his shoulder. He looks at me astonished and slightly flushed, either from the contact or the crying, I mean dust, I will never know.

“Congratulations” I say with a smile. Felix’s puzzled look twists even more.

“What ever are you talking about,” Felix questions.

“You’re emo now,”

[worldserasingandcreatinginmymind]

Home | Part Two

Pairing: 13!Doctor x Daughter!Reader, Graham x Reader (platonic)

Summary: while the fam are away, you and the Doctor have a mother/daughter bonding day

Word Count: 

Warning: none?

A/N: as always spelling and grammar is not my strongest skill so please be kind :)

Part One | Masterlist

- - - - -

The control room was unusually quiet. 

Living on the TARDIS for the past month with The Doctor and her three human companions, you’d gotten used to the sound of constant conversation. That’s why you liked going for your morning swim in the TARDIS pool room, it gave you a chance to get away on your own for a while. It’s not that you didn’t like being around them, its just after travelling alone for so long it was a shock to the system to now be travelling and living with four other people. 

Walking closer to the central control panel, towel in hand catching the water droplets falling from your post-swim wet hair, you spot The Doctor down in the hatch under the floor messing with various glowing wires. 

“What are you doing?” You ask, making her jump and she hits her head. “Sorry” you apologise, stifling a giggle as she rubs her hand against the point of impact on her scalp. 

“Just some basic maintenance on the old girl, making sure she’s ready for our Doctor Daughter bonding day” she says with a massive grin as she climbs back up on the main deck and closes the hatch. You look at her slightly confused.

“But, what about the others? Where are they?”

“Dropped them back on Earth while you were swimming. I do that every so often, give them a day to check in with friends and family and do whatever it is humans do. Usually get bored and travel 24hours ahead to pick them back up again but not this time. Me and you are going to have fun. So what do you want to do?” 

She stares at you expectantly like an excited puppy and you just look back at her, bewildered. 

“um…” you look around the TARDIS as you try to think of something to say and something catches your eye. A small tank full of liquid bubbling away and floating in the liquid… a severed hand. “What the…? Why do you have a hand in a jar?” You ask, making your way over to study it closer. 

“Oh that? I got into a sword fight with the leader of the Sycorax on Christmas Day and he cut off my hand. It grew back though. Anyway-”

“No hang on. That is not enough information. I want details. Who are the Sycorax? Why were you fighting them on Christmas Day? Do you even celebrate Christmas? How did your hand grow back? Why did you keep the old one?”

“It’s a long story”

“That’s fine, we’ve got a whole day. This is what I want to do today, I want to stay in the TARDIS and listen to your stories”

“Really? All the planets and galaxies we could be exploring and you want to sit here listening to me?”

“Absolutely! You’ve had such fascinating lives, I want to hear about them. All the planets you’ve saved, bad guys you’ve fought, people you’ve befriended. Everything… Please?”

She studies you for a moment then smiles, taking a seat on the steps.

“Fine. Make yourself comfortable, we’re going to be here for a while”

— — — — 

Almost three hours passed in the blink of an eye. You weren’t just listening to the Doctor talk, you were imagining it all. In your mind you were right there with her, fighting Daleks and Centurians and all sorts. But it wasn’t all fighting. She also told you about the fun times she’d had with past companions. She was just finishing telling you about a woman named River Song. 

“Wait… so, you're married?!” You exclaim

“Technically yes, but it’s complicated”

“You married the daughter of one of your companions…?”

“Like I said, complicated. Anyway-” she changes the subject “did I tell you about the time a woman in a wedding dress appeared in my TARDIS? One minute she’s walking down the aisle, the next minute she’s here. She actually ended up travelling with me for a bit, great woman Donna”

“Donna? The same Donna who was with you when I was created? That Donna?” 

“Yeah thats her. I forgot you two met”

“I loved Donna! She was so kind to me, I thought about her a lot actually while I was travelling. Can we visit her?”

The Doctor’s eyes suddenly fill with sadness and for a moment you think…

“Oh, did she-? Is she…?” You ask awkward, not quite able to bring yourself to finish the question. The Doctor looks at you confused before realising what you're asking.

“Oh! No! No no, she’s alive, she’s fine. She’s back on Earth with her family, married now too. She’s happy”

“That’s great” you breathe a sigh of relief “then why did you look so sad? You scared me!”

“She doesn’t remember me. She can’t ever remember me, or she will die.” 

“I, I’m so sorry” you whisper sadly

“She saved the universe and she has no idea.”

“What happened?” You ask but when The Doctor looks at you you realise she might not want to talk about it “I’m sorry you don't have tell me-”

“No it’s okay. She touched that” she gestures to the hand in the jar “and absorbed Time Lord DNA. She was human, but had the mind of a Time Lord. All that knowledge, it’s too much for any human. It was overwhelming her, killing her. So I went into her mind and erased it all. The knowledge, the adventures, me.”

“I don't understand. You went into her mind? How?” 

“Time Lord trick”

“Can I do it?” You ask and she studies you for a moment, thinking. 

“I’m not sure. Maybe. Try it” 

“What?”

“Try it now. With me.” She turns her body to face you and takes your hand, bringing your fingers up towards her face. “Focus. Empty your mind, and focus on trying to see mine.”

She gently pushes your hand till your index and middle finger are pressed against her temple and instantly your eyes close as you feel a strange sensation wash over you.

“I see a long corridor, lined with open doors” you describe

“That’s it. Choose one and look inside” she instructs quietly

You do as she says, and go to a door. You peek inside and see The Doctor with the fam, dressed in old fashioned clothes dancing with people you’ve never seen before.

“That’s the time we met Mary Shelley and Lord Byron. Strange night” 

You laugh and she tells you to try another door. You do and this time you see a man wearing a bow tie and a fez waving a mop around. 

“Ah that was when I exploded the TARDIS, creating a big bang to reset the universe.”

“Wait, that’s you? What are you wearing?!” You laugh and she gets defensive.

“Hey, bow ties are cool!” she protests

“I was talking about the fez”

“Also cool- just shut up and go to a different door”

You walk further down the corridor and stop at a door when you spot a man you recognise. Your father. He’s sitting on the floor cradling another wounded man. You hear him shouting at the man to regenerate, but he dies. You step away from the door as the Doctor sobs, clutching the dead mans corpse. It’s hard to see him like that.

“I’m sorry you saw that, I should have shut that door” the present Doctor says and you remove your hand from her face, opening your eyes to look into hers.

“Who was that?” 

“The Master, another Time Lord.”

“Another Time Lord? There are more? Can we visit them? Ooh, can we go to your planet-”

“No”

“Why not?! I want to see where you grew up, meet your family-”

“I said no” She says more firmly, startling you as she abruptly stands up and walks away “end of conversation”

“This isn’t fair! I’m one of them I have a right to meet my relatives!” You protest.

She spins around to look at you with such anger in her eyes you barely recognise her.

“No you don’t! You are nothing like them and I will never take you there so just leave it!”

She goes to the TARDIS control and starts fiddling with buttons before reopening the hatch she was working in this morning and climbing back down. She restarts working on wires and you silently watch her for a few moments before getting up and walking off down the TARDIS corridor to your room. You curl up in your bed and try to block out the Doctor’s harsh words. Instead you imagine what the other Time Lords and their planet would be like. It’s not long before you drift off into a light sleep. 

— — — — 

You're awoken not long later by the sound of the TARDIS engines, signalling that you were travelling. You rush out of your room back to the control room in time to see the fam coming back on board. The Doctor greets them in her usually cheery way but you cant help but feel hurt that she jumped forward to pick them up early. So much for Doctor Daughter bonding day. You quickly turn on your heels and go back to your room before anyone spots you. But someone does. 

A few moments later there’s a knock at your door and Graham pokes his head in.

“Alright cockle?” After the mix up during your first meeting Graham had actually become like a father figure to you and you found yourself confiding in him a lot. “What are you doing?” He asks when he spots you packing your few belongings into a backpack.

“Leaving. She clearly doesn’t want me around so-”

“Wait! What are you talking about?! Y/N stop!” He grabs your hands, stopping you from packing anymore and forcing you to look at him “What happened?”

“I asked her to take me to her planet, introduce me to the Time Lords. She got angry and shouted at me and then she skipped forward to pick you guys up early because she doesn’t want to spend time with me.” Your voice cracks slightly and you look away. 

“She does want to spend time with you Y/N, she’s just… awkward. Listen, we’ve all asked her multiple times about her home and every time she either shuts us down or changes the subject. She’s very private about all that stuff”

“But I’m her daughter! I’m the one person she should want to share that stuff with. Instead she told me that she’ll never take me there because I’m not a Time Lord.” You take a deep breath “What if she’s right? What if I’m not a real Time Lord? What am I?”

Graham sighs and shakes his head. 

“I don't know love, only you can answer that. And you know what, who cares if you're not some fancy shmancy Time Lord? I don’t. Ryan and Yaz don’t. We love you just the same, because you're amazing.” He places his hands on your shoulders and looks right into your eyes “You're Y/N! And that’s more than enough” he smiles at you.

“Thanks Graham” you give him a small smile “sometimes I wish you were my real dad” 

“A boring old man like me? Nah you don’t” he laughs “you unpack that bag and join us when you're ready okay?” 

You nod and he leaves the room. You replay his words in your head and sigh, unpacking your stuff again. When you're finished you head out into the control room and spend the rest of the evening chatting to Yaz about what she got up to with her family. 

— — — — 

The next morning you get out of bed early and get ready for your daily swim. You walk down the quiet corridors towards the pool room. The fam are still asleep at this time of morning so the TARDIS is nice and quiet. When you reach the pool you're surprised to see The Doctor stood waiting for you. She looks at you with an awkward apologetic smile as you walk over to her. 

“Never seen you in here before” you state emotionless.

“I want to show you something” 

“In the pool?” 

“No. I knew you always come here every morning and I needed to see you before the fam wake up”

“Okay?” You shrug

“Come with me” 

You follow her back out of the pool room and to the control room. She walks to the TARDIS door and steps out. You stop when you reach the door, cautiously looking out at where you were. 

Before you was a planet unlike any you’d seen. But it was on fire. The sky burnt orange as dark smoke rose from what was left of the buildings. You looked at The Doctor with confusion. 

“Welcome to Gallifrey. Home of the Time Lords” she holds her hand out to you and you take it, stepping out onto the dusty burnt ground. 

“This is your home?” 

“What’s left of it. It was destroyed.”

“By who?” You shake your head, unable to believe what your eyes are seeing.

“The Master.”

“Why? Why would anyone do this?” You feel your heart sinking the more you take it all in. Even though you’ve never been here before, it hurts to see it like this. 

“I don't know” she replies honestly, as she notices the tears filling your eyes “This is why I didn’t want to bring you here. I didn’t want you to see this. Not because I don't think you're a ‘real time lord’ or because I don't want to spend time with you”

You turn to her shocked, how did she know-

“Graham” you whisper to yourself

“He told me how upset you were. And then he told me off for causing it. I’m sorry Y/N. I shouldn’t have snapped at you, I shouldn’t have taken this out on you. It’s not your fault. And you're right, you do have a right to know who you are, and where you come from. I will try to be more open with you.”

You look into her eyes and smile at her as you pull her into a hug. After a moment she pulls away and smiles back at you.

“Take as long as you need here then come back inside, okay?”

You nod and she walks back into the TARDIS, closing the door behind her. You turn back to look at the planet before you, taking a few steps closer. You take a seat on a small mound of burnt grass, bringing your knees up to your chest. You fold your arms over your knees and rest your chin on them, staring out at the planet imagining what it would have once looked like. 

“Beautiful isn’t it” an unknown male voice beside you. 

You look startled at the man who is now sat next to you. 

“Who are you?”

“Me? Im the one who created this masterpiece. You can call me… Master”

Then suddenly everything is dark. 

Part Three

[latetaektalk]

hi there ^^' i'm... kinda new to this whole tumblr thing and have been wanting to write on here for a while but this huge place is kinda scary sometimes haha ;; do you have any writing tips or tricks that would be good to know for newcomers? (also your music taste is immaculate, i love it)

hey love 💕 first of all, welcome to tumblr!! its a fun place,, youre gonna love it, and learn to hate it lol second of all, thank you for complimenting my music taste 😳

now im not quite sure if you want only writing tips or writing blog tips, so ive included tips and tricks for both!

WRITING BLOG TIPS :

have a masterlist. this might seem stupid and obvious, but ive seen people with no masterlist. people are lazy, so if they cant access your writing easily, they will just click away.

have a clean theme. aesthetics are important. they are. people love clean and easy to navigate themes. again, people are lazy, so if you make it easy to click through your blog and get to your writing, youll increase the chance of people reading your stuff!

how to get your work show up in general. putting links in your fanfic might lead to your story not showing up in the search. ive also heard that a banner thats too big can cause that. even using too many tags can lead to your work not showing up. its complicated.

the first five tags. im sure youve heard abt this already but the first five tags are the tags that will actually show up! so if someone follows #bts fluff and you tag your fic with that, your fic can show up on people's dashes as a recommended post!

tag accordingly. speaking of tags, please tag accordingly! theres nothing more annoying than finding a jimin fanfic in the taehyung fanfic tag. i really discourage you from mistagging your stories. if im scrolling through the taehyung fanfic tag and find a jimin fanfic, it makes me want to not read it. just tag your fics accordingly.

reblog your fics. i mean it. seriously, reblog them as much as you want! people live in different time zones or sometimes forget abt wanting to read your stuff, so reblogging it consistently for a week or so to get it on people's dashes helps!

teasers and taglists. i recommend doing both! teasers help to get people excited for your story and taglists ensure that people will read it, or at least remember to!

dont stress abt notes. now, this is less of a tip but rather something i just really really really want to tell you! i know youve heard this before, but please do not stress about notes. tumblr fame does not exists! it doesnt matter if your writing gets 2 notes or 300 or 5k notes! i do understand how getting a lot of notes can be motivating (every fics deserve all the love in the world by the way!!) but in the end, it should not be your motiviation to write. focusing on notes will ruin writing for you. it will. the amount of notes your fic will reach has nothing to do with how good your writing is. dont let something as superficial as notes ruin the fun of writing for you. its seriously not worth it! write for you and no one else!

WRITING TIPS :

write self indulgent fics. i seriously think all fics should be self indulgent. writing fics should be fun, so please write whatever you want! also, theres no such thing as an overdone trope. if you want to write a fake dating enemies to lovers fic, please write it! you might think there are already a bunch out there and its not worth writing another one, but youre wrong! there isnt one out there thats been written by you yet. go write it!

make playlists. now this is a bit specific to me because im absolutely obsessed with music, but making playlists that fit the mood of the fic has always helped me while writing and gotten me out of writers block before!

take your time. writing is freaking hard and when writers block hits, theres rarely ever something that you can do. try not to stress too much abt it! it happens to the best of us!

balance dialogue and detail. its important to find a middle. if im reading a fic and theres paragraph after paragraph after paragraph of detail, the chance of me just skipping that part is really high. because even though i love detail, it does get boring. so use dialogue to spice it up!

reading. okay, this sounds weird because youre asking for writing tips, but reading seriously help your writing so much! if you wanna improve your writing skills, reading a lot is going to be key. now, im not saying reading is necessary, but i do think that it can help you to better! whats even more important though is that you try to analyse people’s writing while reading. when i say you should analyse people’s writing, i do not mean you should write an entire analysis of a book, but to take a second and think to yourself how the authors just did that. how did they convey oc’s sadness? why did they just describe the weather? whats the purpose of this scene?

switch up sentence/paragraph length. shorter sentences/paragraphs = emphasise something and pick up the pace. longer sentences/paragraphs = slow down the story and allow for more detail. its important that you do a mix of both. utilise the length to your advantage. a well placed short sentence/paragraph can pack a lot of punch and turn your sad story in a heartbreaking one.

outline your fics. look this is very personal again because some people dont like to outline their fics, but i recommend outlining your fics. and when i say outline your fics, you can do it as little or as much as you want! it can be a few notes, or a long list of every detail you want to include. i just want you to know where this story is headed. its so easy to write yourself in a corner and trust me, you dont wanna end up there.

allow yourself to be free. this connects to the previous point i just made. even though i do recommend outlining your fics, i am also a firm believer of taking the story somewhere else if you feel like it. ive scrapped complete outlines before. half of the scenes i write also arent in my outline at all. you dont have to stick to the outline. if you think that a specific scene would add something to your story, then please go ahead and write that scene. just always remember where youre headed and dont loose focus.

have fun. i just really wanna reiterate this point again. its just so important to me that you have fun while writing! seriously. its just fanfiction. it should be fun. go crazy. i support you!

okay bub i hope this was helpful 💕 if you have any other questions/want more tips/want me to elaborate on something, please just hit me up! my ask box is always open!

[thequeenb]

In love With My Enemy

Poppy x MC

Have you read those cheesy novels? Yes the super romantic ones, i know you did dont lie. That's the best way i can describe what is happening right now. Poppy holds a puppy in her hands rubbing its belly happily, she hasn't seen me yet and i am actually glad. I can't hear the conversation between her and the guy that works here but her laughter fills the room and my stomach turns at the sight

Its the first time i see Poppy so free, she must feel right at home. I smile approaching slowly, she turns around changing her expression completely, adorable Pops

"Aww i didn't knew you had a soft spot"

Poppy rolls her eyes but i can tell she is trying to hide a smile "If you tell anyone about this i won't hesitate to end your career, kick you out of Belvoire and make your life miserable"

Oh wow she didn't even shutter, that's impressive, should i be turned on or scared? Maybe both? My gaze falls to the adorable puppy in her hands and i can't help but pet its little head

Her eyes soften for a moment and all i can do is be fascinated and surprised by this new side of her

"My daddy bought me this animal shelter when i was eight years old"

"Oh..um nice? Is that what rich people do when they want a pet?" i tease her but her eyes seem to get distant and i think i might just hit a sore spot, damnit

"I wanted a puppy but my mother didn't allow pets inside the house so daddy got it for me. Its nice but i don't think they quite understood my point of view"

I look around noticing we are left alone and the crew is probably getting ready for our shooting. I reach to place my hand on her shoulder but i stop my hand mid air, remembering that we are actually enemies but are we?

Her gaze falls to my hand as i pull it back and i don't know if it's my mind playing games but i can see a mix of relief and disappointment in her eyes.

She lets the puppy down walking towards a room, i guess that's my cue to follow. I can now see the height difference between us and i smile to myself, she is so cute really

She leads me to a room filled with pink pillows, small pet beds and toys. She rans her hand on a shelf where several pictures are framed beautifully, why would she bring me here?

"It used to be my favourite place here, because no one could interrupt my thoughts" she holds a frame in her hands gesturing at me to approach closer

"This was my first pet, her name was Lucy" she taps at the glass and awww its the cutest thing have ever seen really. Its a beautiful brown Pomeranian and oh my god

"Is that little Poppy?" I gasp actually surprised by how innocent she looks. Of course she is wearing designer but the look on her face is.. genuine happiness and it made me think..I haven't seen Poppy smiling this way ever

She yanks the frame putting it carefully back "I shouldn't have shown you" Did i just made her shy? Damn where is the real Poppy? Is this her kind twin sister?

"Oh come ooooon you were beautiful since a kid hm?"

She looks me in the eyes and i can sense a rouge colour forming on her cheeks. She walks past me sitting on an extremely pink couch. I don't know if i should sit next to her or stand where i am but she pats at the spot next to her and my heart starts racing

"Sooo, this place is amazing I don't see why you didn't want it" i rest my head on my palm watching her intently

She sighs looking at me without hesitation this time "My parents were never around when i was growing up, so i really wanted a company. But they always had to do everything in their own way"

The puzzle is starting to get solved as i learn more about her past. I see pure vulnerability when i look at her in the eyes. In her own way she makes me feel special and I won't take that for granted

"Do you wish you could grow up in different circumstances such as mine?" I curiously ask

"Is this a trap?" She raises her eyebrow and i roll my eyes

"No, i am a great listener i am just trying to understand you"

"Why would you want that?"

Yes Bea, why would you want that? Aren't you suppose to hate her guts? If yes why is your heartbeat quickening? Why is your mind racing?

She notice i take time to respond and to avoid this awkward silence she finally speak "Can i imagine myself without designer clothes? Hell no"

I chuckle, good job Pops "That was a nice way to deflect my question"

Poppy smiles and its the cutest thing i have seen all day despite the cute animals here "You dork" she leans closer and her eyes widen in realisation

"I won't judge you, in fact i knew you were mean for a reason" i can now see her eyes sparkle and all i can do is sit back and admire her

Today she is very beautiful and her perfume fills my nose. I can see that she put extra effort this afternoon, is it the commercial or is it the fact that she planned for us to be alone? To be honest i kind of wish its the second option

"I asked you to help me bring Chloe down not become best friends"

"And who told you that i want to be your best friend?" I smirk daring to take her hand in mine. At first she just stares at me but doesn't pull back

"No one deserves to feel alone during their best years. When i was growing up we didn't have a lot on our plate but i got to spend time with my mother at the farm"

I can feel tears forming so i wipe them away knowing well i will look weak. Since i got here i miss my hometown more than anything in the world, the smell of the earth, the fresh air, everything.

"Oh right, because spending time with pigs covered in dirt sounds so much fun" Poppy responds ironically and for a moment i regret opening up, that until she pats my hand

"I..i wish i had a simpler childhood" she admits and i can clearly see tears ready to roll down her perfect face

Before she can wipe them away i place both of my hands on her cheeks wiping each tear away. Her eyes are closed trying to avoid my gaze but she suddenly pulls back stunned

"I- we shouldn't even talk about that Farmsville! Ugh you are annoying"

Its obvious that emotions aren't something she is fond of but i am trying my best to make her understand that feeling sad and nostalgic is normal

"Hey, hey! Not now that we made progress damnit" i pull her closer to me and that's when my breath catches

"What are you--"

"Take a deep breath and look at me" Even though she is about to protest she swallows hard doing as i said so

I take her hand placing it where her heart is. At first she looks at me confused but then i press it against her

"Can you feel your heart beating? That makes you human, humans are capable of having feelings. Therefore its normal to have emotions even more normal to need to rant about something that troubles you, do you understand me?"

I get lost in her eyes and her lips part wanting to respond but words cant describe how she is feeling. She takes a shaky breath and without thinking twice she closes the distance between us with a kiss

She press her body against me sighing happily, eagerly. She caught me off guard but i quickly set a pace. Poppy is starving for affection so i make this experience soft and gentle

I stroke her hair as my thumb runs circles on her cheek. I feel her shudder, overwhelmed by all the emotions she is feeling at once. I can't help but smile against her lips and she does the same

"Nobody ever talked to me this way" she says breathless

I rest my forehead against hers sighing "You deserve so much more than you think you do"

Aaaaaaand we had to be interrupted of course. Someone knocks at the door and Poppy jumps snapping back to reality, god damnit.

"Miss Min-Sinclair are you ready?" A man asks and i roll my eyes. Good job buddy we were having a moment!

"Y-es i will be out in two minutes" she can barely speak a sentence and i smirk to myself

"Go out first i need a moment" she pushes me towards the door, oh so now she forgot everything i said?

"But--"

"This is not a time for questions go go go!" Aw frustrated Poppy is sweet

I reached the door but I stop turning around to smile at her "We aren't done yet" and like that i step out of the room leaving a clearly confused Poppy behind.

Every possibility and every thought of her fills my mind as i step out of the room. She is different i knew it but i never thought things could end up this way. I smile to myself picturing a future with Poppy and i wont stop until i tried everything i have, i am coming for your hand Queen Bee, not your crown so be aware.

Tag list: @lolimugly @origmansello @greatestflirt-hero @mvalentine @otakufangirl-12 @sugarplumpnhoneybun @princessstellaris @coldbatfriendroad @indecisive-choices @i-loveeveryone @kiara-36 @ognenniyvolk @somewillwin @it-lives-in-braidwood-manor @ghalind @justastranger-passing @nydeiri @simpforpoppy @sergeant-pepper-loves-choices @dibberdipper