#its internalized atp
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to this day, i Still call that man henry du bois.
#kismet talks#im sorry henry- i mean harry (read thing i said while typing this)#my gf is super into disco elysium. i started playing it myself#and i Still get his name wrong#its internalized atp
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âLet people ship what they want!â Let queer people have representation
#or the âItâs implied not canonâ they legally canât make it canon#if you ship them with anyone of the opposite gender Iâm gonna assume youâre either fucking stupid or homophobic#I actually donât gaf that itâs just fictional characters and ships. youâre erasing representation and completely ignoring all their i#implications#ran out of space sorry#its crazy too bc theyâre always the âfiction doesnât effect realityâ mfâs and then they get offended by black edits#itâs crazy too bc itâs always the straight ppl that are saying that itâs not homophobia as if THEY get to chose what homophobia is and isnâ#or the queer people that ship it just seem to act like internalized homophobia doesnât exist#I swear some of you are actually fucking stupid I canât be making this shit up#all their defenses are the same bullshit excuses#atp it seems like theyâre just trying to act as stupid as possible until you just get mad and give up#robin#robin hsr#honkai star rail#robin honkai star rail#hsr aventurine#aventurine honkai star rail#kakavasha#the only time robinhill is acceptable is when the hc for Boothill is as a non man#maybe you see him as a he/him lesbian or something idk#but this ofc isnât directed at those ppl ^^#hsr#penacony
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can russia and north korea just nuke us already this is hopeless
#sorry to be so fatalistic on main i just have zero faith in the american public atp#i just rly wanted to believe that more americans couldve used this opportunity to prove to the rest of the world that we arent all a bunch#of sensationalist/conspiracy-driven/aggressively braindead/violent/bigoted alt-right lunatics#& i never had much faith in kamala & walz to begin with obviously im incredibly cynical towards these status quo gatekeepers and the#downright impotence of the neoliberal democratic party#but this wouldve been an easy swerve away from dozens MORE of horrible awful inhumane policies that will ultimately vanquish#the quality of life for the entire american working class like myself and our already pisspoor education system and our lousy#climate change policies and impossible living standards#but no unfortunately there is no way in hell for americans to prove even a modicum of intelligence or worth we're all basically suicidal#and despite my own immense yank bashing tendencies and complete disdain for our government i really wanted this country & my ppl to defy#our own reputation of being so fucking stupid and backwards i really did. in the tiniest little place of my heart was legitimate hope#& a tiny bit of patriotism thats now been squashed completely & this was just another large-scale international humiliation that we legit#voted that guy BACK IN after everything that has happened the last four even eight years. its unbelievable.#again obviously i dont like kamala but it still wouldve been a grand opportunity to stall against what the gop is already destroying#and with push and shove we could have made slight progress forward as a country and try to protect our social programs#be it as flawed as they are and with enough support we could have strengthened them a little. make drugs less expensive. continue forward#with clean energy decreasing our use of fossil fuels even more.#protect our education system so the up and coming generations could receive higher standards of learning than what the rest of us had#NO ABSOLUTELY NOT. im too poor to continue living here and im too poor to fucking leave !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#SORRY THIS WAS EXTREMELY EXTREMELY EXTREMELY LONG THANK U FOR READING IF U DID MY BRAIN FEELS LIKE MUSH RIGHT NOW SO I DONT KNOW HOW#INTELLIGIBLE THIS MAY OR MAY NOT BE#and if this makes anyone mad @ all then ill just delete it cuz by god i dont need more grief and self hatred !#txt
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Im soooo fawking tired I'm NOT in the mental headspace for this fucking exam even my ego is taking a nap rn otherwise I'd be like I'd rather die than embarrass myself infront of this professor
#its just 10 marks in the large scheme of internal assesment and this teacher is doing THEEE most#like the people coming back from the viva are about to cry#atp idgaf i think#p
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Why does Jaime not fit as Tywin's heir, or it's not in his nature -- as you say. Very interesting stuff.
Jaime is a very romantic character. Tywin can be delusional too (not that this is synonymous with romantic), to absurd levels, trying to achieve an idealized legacy, but he is not an idealist in the way that Jaime is at all. They also have very distinct values and ways of looking and reacting to the world. Remember when he told Jaime this:
"You cannot eat love, nor buy a horse with it, nor warm your halls on a cold night," she heard him tell Jaime once, when her brother had been no older than Tommen.
It is such a deeply funny line to me. It is at the core of how Tywin seems to operate as an individual. And he is telling this to the character named Jâaime. The character whose actions are always driven by some aspect of love: be it love that is destructive and prejudiced, or love that is beautiful and altruistic. Like one of his defining character thesis statements is: âThe things I do for love.â The point is that Jaime was always a character with a romantic view of things, especially at the start. His feigned cynicism and nihilism cannot even hide this aspect of his character once we finally get into his disillusioned and blackpilled head. Even when you read the prose in his chapters his descriptions are laced with romantic language. Tywin is so caught up with the image of Jaime, the ideal masculine archetype, that he completely ignores the major issues present with Jaimeâs nature and how incompatible it is with Tywinâs outlook on life. Jaime is absolutely not a good candidate to be his âcold ruthless and pragmatic with perfect authorityâ heir. This is why Jaime ends up giving it all away for the KG, and ruins all his plans. He does this for love. He also cares relatively little about being the head of his family and his main motivations are everything that does not fit with so much of Tywinâs outlook. Jaime is concerned more with abstract concepts like honor, chivalry, and love etc than power and politicking. It is also very apparent how distinct they are based on Jaimeâs relationship to his siblings and the guilt he feels over Rhaegarâs children and how he reacts to the brutality and cruelty done to Hoat for example. He also keeps running from Tywinâs legacy. First, he gives it all up because he loves Cersei. Then, when he comes back handless, Tywin celebrates like fucking finally, and then Jaime is like nah Iâll stay KG actually, and gets disowned #epic style. Then, he frees his brother because of guilt and because he cared about him unlike Tywin. This is also an action that leads to Tywinâs death. All of his children keep dooming him because he tried to mold them into something that they are not. He wanted Cersei, a passionate, ambitious, and fiery individual to be a submissive tradwife political pawn. He wanted Tyrion to be hidden with no influence or real power, repressing the immense potential that Tyrion has. This is why they are all destined to destroy him and what he has built in some form. (also, I think this idea is also ever present in how Tywin tries to change the twin swords into pure crimson, and how they physically reject it: link, it speaks to Tywinâs failure to mold his legacy into what he wants it to be, as well as the inability to cover up the darkness (ripples of blood and night) with pretty crimson, but I think it also showcases how he fails to mold all his tools, be it Joff, Jaime, Tyrion, Cers) Even when Jaime seeks to emulate his father because he believes his strength is needed to offer protection to his family, he fails at it. There are numerous anti parallels all throughout AFfC and especially his ADwD chapter.
#jaime lannister#asoiaf#valyrianscrolls#ask#tywin lannister#this is also y the lannister project at the riverlands is gonna fail hilariously badly#jaime was less preoccupied with crushing his enemies and more preoccupied with his oath and his internal transformation and weighing and#reflecting his values#this regime is built on fear#thats the only tool that would have worked atp#diplomacy trust etc etc is a no go#nobody wants the lannisters nobody likes them#its either that fragile violent subjugation or its a lost project#jaime dooms it there lol#and thank god he does#he managed a peaceful change in power but thats just a bandaid on this doomed regime#like lets not be delusional here#this is the groundwork that tywins supposed high iq methods created#violent subjugation where u kill everyone or nothing#it was always gonna be a doomed peace#obeying his father was always pretty low on jaimes âso many vowsâ speech lmfaooooo#the reason he even tries to emulate him is not what a lot of ppl think it is lol#talked about it a lot before
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Don't you just hate the feeling where you feel like you're brain is being eaten alive every moment you spend on your papers and table and you can't jus stop because it's exams tomorrow and your grades aren't even on the passing shit because the course has been brutal on you as a fucking foreign student? Yeah. that's me rn The only thing actually keeping me from 'doing' something is that I want to see Jinwoo flourish more as a beloved character and Zayne. I need to listen to Zayne's heartbeat asap before I combust and have a mental breakdown
#â â Ë Â° đâ kyunnya speaks#i just need freedom atp#this country has done nothing more than torture me#its fcking brutal on an international student who was halfway late into the semester#i fcking hate this place#i should have stayed home#i feel so destructive rn#idt comfort will work well I just wanna die
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//thinking abt sa possibly being the Reverse of jinhsi and being a Resonator for a fucked up/volatile Calamity grade td and realized
What If
What If
said TD is non-zero reactionary/defensive over Sa, and it's nebulous synchronizing with her is less raw chaos or even just being oblivious to her existence and trying to help her in its own fucked up way via Overclocking because she's so goddamned repressed traumatized AND heroic she refuses to anger/stress relief in any way thats healthy :')
(...smth smth maybe why her home region/sector has so many reports of TD sightings thats just blaming oshifams Ghosts for shit, but also has no Actual td sightings, somehow-- bc It protects the town it wants to send to hell)
#mun babbles //#about // sasume#turns it around in my head yk#its absolutely a giant kerberos/cerberus mfer bc ofc it is but like#smth smth being the embodiment of everything sasume hates and FEARS about herself#and to 'win' against it is not to kill or dungeon herself but to comes to terms with it and accept it#(the hardest part tbh is internalizing her childhood abuse bc jfc she is Forever ignoring the fact it Was that for sm reasons)#less 'you are not a monster' (she will absolutely think youre just naive etc atp)#and more 'you are a monster but no less loveable' (completely hamstrings her inner logic for her self hate etc)#belated bonus points bc it arguably goes back to the tales of the black sheep ???#bc what if the sheep had the power to be the 'shepherd' (threat)
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Hancock asking for a ton of food lmao
#THEY GAVE MY BOY EYEBROWS!!!!#luffy looking at that paper NOW that its been 1 square centimeter for a week#BOY!#chopper is in the south blue wtf. how is he gonna get with the others#also he thinks they are dead. amazing#they just want to make him cry atp#pray for sanji and hus ugly ass green shirt#the sakura petal stuck on his eyebrow ahekahskaheka i cant#this is how the right imagines trans people to be like. forced feminization sanji. he is so scared bc internalized transphobia.#you know im right#see they are telling sanji he is like them lmao#A COMMENT SAID SANJI ALWAYS MENTIONS ZORO NO MATTER WHAT HES TALKING ABOUT ahjdahsk#and they are right and they should say it!!!!#talking tag#watching one piece#episode 419
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sunghoon when youâre sick
pairing: sunghoon x gn!reader headcannons!
cw: cursing, mentions of chicken noodle soup (the food not the song), married life, getting sick/colds, hoonie my bae
wc: 1k
- okay so i feel like because heâs on the ice a lot
- heâs cold
- like in en-o-clock ep 20 behind he said it had been a while since he was on the ice so he was cold but that just means whenever heâs performing heâs not cold or not that cold at least
- and heâs acclimated to ice rink temperatures right?
- (and self projecting here but i myself am very cold all the time and it takes me a long time to get warm but i never get hot-?)
- so i feel like maybe one day its raining
- or the heater is broken and you have to suffer
- and youâre both on the bed, scrolling through your phones, but youâre shivering
- but sunghoonâs used to it
- only issue? he is not a raging furnace
- heâs a block of ice
- âsunghoon iâm cold.â
- ây/n, i canât help you.â heâs just honest w/ everything atp
- âyes you can! cuddle me.â and youâd forcibly grab his arm and tangle urself with him
- you come to the very shocking realization that sunghoon is literally colder than the temperature outside.
- you pull away IMMEDIATELY and scowl at him
- he shrugs as if to tell you âi told you so.â
- heâs not offended he just accepted that he will never be warm
- man knows youâre just trying not to become the ice cube that he is
- omg sunghoon emotional brick and ice cube look at myâŠshape skills go
- so youâd go back to becoming one with the blankets but it doesnât work and youâre like âhoonie :((â
- âyes dear.â sunghoon rolls his eyes, looking over at your covered figure nonetheless abd adjusts your blankets for you
- âcan we cuddle, the blankets arenât working :((â
- sunghoon probably gets an eye workout with how many times he rolls his eyes
- but he⊠L words uâŠso âokay. come here.â and he puts his phone down on the nightstand and gives you a hug
- internally he would laugh at your antics but he knows youâre just cold and he obviously wants to help but
- mans literally -2 degrees in body heat idk what to tell u
- but after a while you warm up the blankets EVENTUALLY get hotter
- u probs fell asleep and your body heat increased so youâre warm now
- he falls asleep too
- u end up with a COLD and heâs fine btw
- through the coughs and sniffles you blame him for not being your personal fireplace
- he goes âwe slept together???? and you cuddled me??? for three hours??? fyi you could have gotten more blanketsâ
- âwhy canât this man just spoonfeed u chicken noodle soup like a good bfâ
- âcan i at least have a kiss?â you pout at him underneath your blankets, even though the heater is in perfect working condition, and sunghoon feels himself falling harder for you everyday
- you are just so DAMN!!! CUTE!!! he can only handle so much until he says fuck it and puts a ring on ur finger
- omg married life with sunghoon or wtvâŠ. NOT blushing
- âno. iâm going to get sick if I kiss you too.â
- âI AM SO SICK OF U!â /j
- ur stupid play on words makes him laugh and he gives in w/ a small peck :>
- even though ur hating him for not being cute and cuddly he just canât get sick
- he has a competition coming up! sunghoon canât be under the weather when heâs already under ur spell >:
- âtake your medicine goddamnitâ but itâs lovingly scolding you as he pushes the weirdly cherry flavored liquid down and follows up with a cup of warm water
- always has tissues on hand
- youâre in the car? tissues. youâre in the kitchen? no babe donât use the paper towels to blow your nose itâs too rough on your skin
- if you want to cuddle he will say no
- I MEAN EVERY OTHER TIME HE JUST SITS THERE AND LETS U DO WHATEVER U WANT
- âguess this is my life nowâ
- âi canât believe you wonât cuddle with me :(â
- âi cant believe you got sick despite hugging me and still having three blankets.â NO CHILL
- sunghoon simultaneously makes fun of you but will take care of you
- if heâs not home expect a sticky note or a voicemail
- âahh, sorry for ringing your phone so early, i hope youâre getting your sleep <33 just wanted to call and make sure you drink the water in the bottle next to you, i warmed it this morning before i left for practice, and thereâs some food in the fridge that jay brought over yesterday. hope you feel better soon i love youâ
- alexa play fighting bleeding losingâŠno matter what i do by txt
- yeah heâs so sweet heâd stop the teasing bc he knows you hate being sick and doesnât want to make it worse for you
- sometimes you wake up and you literally canât breathe??
- breathing through nose era when!! /j
- youâd try to get your work done, hoon alr called sick days off for u but you have nothing to do at home so you get your laptop
- âHi honey,â Sunghoon greets from the doorway, quickly kicking off his shoes and entering your bedroom. âI brought you some tea, Heeseung said it would help you since his mom gave it to him. Do you want some right now?â You nod, coughing with the quick and unexpected movement of your head.
- Sunghoon comes back with a steaming cup of warm golden tea, and blows on the top before letting you take a sip. âBe careful, itâs hot.â And you dismiss his words before youâre hissing at your burned tongue.
- u donât catch a break huh
- you finish the cup of tea by the end of the night and sunghoon comes to give u a little forehead kith before telling you to sleep
- tmr u wake up and you can BREATHE again
- which gods did this why do you finally feel like a functioning human being
- ANYWAYS THOUGH!! Sunghoonâs competition is in two hours you donât have time to waste hello?
- Outfit with hoodie, giant puffer jacket, and a turtleneck, and the thickest pants known to mankind
- driving to the rink where heâs competing and watching him with a giant lovesick grin without him knowing youâre there
- you give him a hug when heâs done
- happy at first and loves to see you, but wants to make sure youâre okay
- You both go home and heâs like âhalf of that outfit is mine.â
- yeah. heâs not wrong. anyways.
- celebratory dinner! he kisses you many many times thanking you for coming out to see him
- happy to finally cuddle again, holding you close now they youâve recovered
- he got sick the next day.
â
f for sunghoon. thank you.
#enhypen#enha#enhypen au#enhypen fluff#enhypen imagines#enha fluff#enha imagines#enha x reader#sunghoon#park sunghoon x reader#park sunghoon angst#park sunghoon#sunghoon fluff#sunghoon x reader#park sunghoon fluff#enhypen sunghoon#enha scenarios#enhypen scenarios#sunghoon imagines#sunghoon enhypen#sunghoon fanfic#park sunghoon imagine
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So about this fjdkfk
I am now Aiming for 100k so . Trust I have a whole council of heid enjoyers keeping me going i Will finish this eventually
Tried writing a cute lil 2 chap hurt/comfort hotchreid fic and now its looking more like 4 chapters of slow burn angst ummm my bad yall LMAO ill have it done eventually!!
#ive been â3 chapters away from the end!â for the past 5 chapters#i have so many ideas and i have to do all of them#im leaning into it now#im trying to double my previous word count pb#which was 51k#its a very realistic goal atp#so much catholic guilt and internalized homophobia so little time#these might be the two dumbest idiots ive ever written im so obsessed with oblivious hotch#heid#hotchreid
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its so frustrating how difficult it is to get employed rn,, ive sent like thousands of applications since agust of last year and none of them called me back, even went to an interview and it went great only for them to not call me back đ im dying, i need a job but no one is hiring wtfffff!!! !
goddddddd fucking tell me about it. even though my current job is toxic as fuck im dreading when the temp contract runs out and im back in the job hunt. i've tried really hard to adapt this mindset of like detachment when it comes to interviews and stuff because honestly most of the time you could be the perfect candidate and they''ll still ghost you. the job market is LITERALLY impossible rn and even the most qualified people are struggling so pleaseeee i know it's easier said than done but try to practice the skill of not taking it personally. and it is a skill like it will take time and patience to build up the mindset and that thick skin but it is possible. anyway a lot of places just put out ads to see what's out there with no intention of hiring or put out ads even though they're hiring internally/ already have a person in mind for the role........and atp most places are looking for someone with two degrees and 10 yrs experience and 30 different skillsets who can juggle the responsibilites of 5 different titles all under one entry level position for absolute minimum pay.......it is utter madness !! obviously it's a good idea to reflect on each interview and try to like optimise how you present yourself to the interviewer but most of the time it's just good timing and luck when they actually pick you. nothing to do with your abilities or who you are!! wishing you all the luck in the world on your job search, totally understand how crushing it is x
job interview guide / thread of real job interview tips
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4th times the charm (atp iâm js saying anything) gavi gets transported to morocco for a game, BUT while heâs there thru the shops he sees this BEAUTIFUL moroccan princess and they fall in love đ»đ
⊠- stadium lights in casablancan nights
summary: gavi is called for international duty against morocco and finds love in the stands.
warnings: none!! however thereâs a slight plot chance that was dmed to me afterwards xx
writers note: i love this idea and donât â4th times the charmâ me mate your last 3 requests were diabolical?? who would read culpa mia but w gavi and snow white but gavis the princess?? đđ also did someone say overwriting đ±
word count: 2k
The overwhelming roar of the crowd in Casablancaâs Mohammed V Stadium was quite deafening, but that made gavis pulse raise even more. His heart raced not because of nerves, but for the fact that he wants to prove himself. Back in the world cup 2022 he scored a goal against costa rica that showed that he wasnât just another kid from la masia, he was truly a star. However, a few matches later his first world cup dream came to a crash. Round of 16 vs morocco.
As the anthems faded to an end and the refs whistle blew, he jogged into place and let the game get into its usual rhythm, clear chances, passes, tackles and fouls. And there it was. a goal! Perfect goal may i add by lamine yamal. The stadium erupted into cheers as gavi made his way to the corner flag to celebrate with his teammate, not only internationally but from his club thatâs always been by his side.
However, this wasnât just a normal celebration, something pulled his gaze upwards, and thatâs when he saw it, her. Throughout the wave of opposing fans, one face stood out to him, a gorgeous girl, hands gripping the railing with her jaw dropped. It was obvious she wasnât cheering for spain though, her kit and flag proved that inference. Yet her gaze found his, holding it for longer than it shouldâve.
Eventually, half time pulled around as gavi made his way to the locker room. But that didnât stop him from looking for her though. She hadnât moved from that spot, instead she was stood up, laughing with her friends leaning against that very same railing, but her focus wasnât on her friends. Her gaze was on the pitch, as if she was looking for something, making gavi wonder if itâs him that sheâs looking for.
Pedri, who was standing right next to him, nudged him and said, âFocus hermano, sheâs way out of your league.â, in a teasing tone, making gavi smirk but no response came out of him. He knew this wasnât the last time their paths would cross.
The final whistle blew, the score ending in a 2-1 narrow victory to Spain, with players exchanging handshakes and shirts. Even though they had a successful match, that didnât shift his mind from the mystery girl, his eyes shifting to her every couple of minutes.
After plucking up the courage to approach her, he noticed her still laughing with her friends, her smile lighting him up.
Without giving it a second thought, he jumped over the barrier, passing security and approached her. Some may call him cocky for the confidence but she noticed and found it amusing that he tried to get her attention. Although security refused to let him get any closer, he ushered her to come closer, and she complied, with her friends teasing her.
âHola, did you enjoy the match?â, he asked in almost a whisper to avoid attention from others.
She tilted her head, and her lips formed into a smile, laughing to herself and replied with, âEven though Spain won? I guess soâ she said in a playful tone, with her soft accent coming out.
They exchanged names however it caught Gavi off guard.
âWait you donât know my name?â asked Gavi in an almost concerned tone.
âNo, I know your name.. I just wanted to hear you say it.â she said, her soft smile widening.
âGaviâ he said, chuckling, in a quiet voice.
Her friends called her from behind and she glanced back, reluctant to leave. âLooks like I have to go..â she said.
âWait.â Gavi said quickly, removing his shirt, and handed it to her, the faint smell of grass clinging to it. âSomething to remember this match by.â
She took the shirt, her fingers brushing his for a small second, âGracias, Gavira.â she said, making his heart race.
There was one thing he knew for certain, he had to see her again.
The next few days in Casablanca was an absolute blur for him, media videos, training sessions and team meeting, but she couldnât get out of his mind. Her smile, her laugh and how her gaze lasted for longer than even she wanted it to.
Thatâs when he realised, it wasnât the match, it was her.
After hours of practice, the team had some downtime before their flight back to Madrid. Gavi found himself roaming the streets with Pedri, just so he didnât seem like a loner.
âSo youâre really attached to this girl, hermano?â, asked Pedri almost with genuine concern.
Gavi sighed and yet again, didnât have a reply for that and continued walking.
Thatâs when he saw her, for the second time, except she was alone in a small cafe.
He hesitated for a moment, Pedri staying outside, as Gavi made his way over.
âMind if i join?â he asked, grabbing a chair from a nearby table.
She looked up, surprised as a smile was spread across her face. âGaviâ she said âHow come youâre not with your team?â
âI mean, I was..â he said, taking a seat opposite her. âBut I figured iâd explore some more. Seems like I found the right placeâ
She raised an eyebrow, clearly amused. âSo you spend your free time chasing random girls that you see during matches?â
He smirked, leaning back into the chair, âOnly the interesting ones.â
She laughed softly, her fingers absentmindedly tracing the edges of her teacup. âNot sure if thatâs flattering or too forwardâ
Gaviâs smile softened, âA bit of both, cariño.â
âWell iâve seen you play, youâre good. But iâm sure you know that by now.â
He chuckled, âI donât need compliments, but iâll take themâ
She smiled again, âSo whatâs a footballer like you doing in this small cafe in Casablanca?â
He looked out the window for a second, and then back at her, âI guess iâm looking for things that matter besides footballâ
Her gaze softened, âAnd have you found that yet?â
âIâm getting closer.â he paused, âListen, I donât know how long iâm gonna be here, but I want to see you againâ
Unsure of how to really respond to that, she said âMaybe. If youâre lucky.â in a mysterious tone.
And thatâs when he knew he wouldnât be leaving this city any time soon.
Due to the weather in Spain, their trip extended a few more days, but she didnât need to know that.
On the last night of their stay, Gavi slipped away from the hotel and didnât tell anyone, not even Pedri that he was going back to that very same cafe.
The night air was cooler than he expected but the night life still stayed active.
It wasnât that long until he saw the cafe again, although it was late, it was still open and a few people were still in there.
He hesitated for a moment before entering again and the owner looked up at him and said,
âGavi, right? Youâre here for someone I figured, and if so youâre in the right place, habibi.â
Gavi, uncertain by her words, followed her over to the table, where he saw here for the third time.
He sat opposite her, letting his eyes linger on her for a second before she broke the silence.
âGavi, I thought you wouldnât turn up.â, she said, following with the familiar smile that Gavi loved.
âI couldnât stay away.â he replied
And to that she chuckled and said, âYouâre a lot more complicated than i thought Pablo.â
He grinned, trying to hide his emotions, leaning back into his chair, âIâve been told.â
She stood up and said, âListen Gavi, itâs getting late, I need to get going, and you should too.â
âWait,â Gavi said âCan you please see me play again.â, he asked in an almost pleading tone.
She looked back, with an unreadable expression and said, âAnd you think iâll say yes?â
âI was hoping that youâll surprise me.â
âMaybe.â
And with that, she left.
A few weeks passed by, and the memory of you lingered in his brain. He hadnât seen her since that night in the cafe, but your time together was the only thing on his mind.
Now he was in the MontjuĂŻc, at a home game for laliga, as the stadium was packed with culers from all over the world as usual. But this match felt different.
As the game kicked off, Gavi instantly fell into the usual match rhythm yet his thought remained on her.
There was a small pause in play, as he re adjusted his socks, someone caught his eye. It was her.
There she was, in the VIP section, her barca scarf tucked around her shoulders.
He froze for a second, his heart hammering in his chest. She was no longer a memory, she was there in real time. Eventually, he snapped back into focus.
The scoreline was 1-1 and he knew that he needed to be the change that he wanted to see, so he took a risk and shot it in the direction of the net, bracing himself for the result. And there it was, a goal to put barca in the lead.
Pablo sprinted to the corner to celebrate and he looked up to see her in the stands with her hands over her mouth in shock. Then she smiled, her face full of pride. He noticed that, and made a small gesture, pointing towards her.
After the match was over, he saw her waiting with security by the players exit.
âYou made that goal look easyâ she said, her voice with a teasing tilt.
Before he could answer that, he had a question in his head.
âYou came all this way, why?â He said, his eyes searching for hers.
âI wanted to see if youâd keep your promiseâ
âAnd did I?â
âYes.â she replied with a subtle smile.
It had gotten to the point where they finally exchanged numbers, making his heart flutter.
The next laliga match was against sociedad which was quite a big match if you think about it. He had just completed his pre game superstitions until he received a message
âi heard youâre not as bad as they say, wanna prove it? đâ
He grinned, feeling a rush of excitement.
âi thought i already did thatâ he typed back.
âokay, meet me at the cafe tomorrow.â
He arrived at the cafe as soon as the match was over and he was lost in thought. What were they? He knew they werenât a fling but he didnât know what to label it.
âYouâre earlyâ she said as she walked in.
âCame as soon as the match endedâ he replied.
âOkay Pablo, iâm gonna start off with why i asked you to come here. Youâre the first guy whoâs come into my life with a smile and a promise. But iâm not interested in that.â she started.
He leaned in, âWhatâre you interested in then.â
âSomething real.â
âSo am I, and iâm not going anywhere.â
âSo prove it.â
And with those three words, the barrier between them was broken.
They went for a walk on the quiet streets of Barcelona, the night air brushing their faces. Neither of them spoke but the silence was enough for the both of them.
He turned to face her, âListen. I donât want you to go, just stay.â
She looked back at him and said, âGavi.â
He didnât let her continue because he felt like he already knew the answer to that and closed the gap between them.
Eventually, she found her way into extending her stay and renting an apartment in Barcelona to stay wiyh Gavi
Months past until they decided to make it official to the public, they both figured it out, the fame and distance.
One evening, they both sat on the balcony until he turned to face her.
âSo this is what iâve been looking for. Iâve finally found what matters besides football.â Gavi said.
She smiled back at him, realising that this is all she wanted too.
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Lane's thesis around the emergence of eukaryotes (and why it was necessary for complex life) seems to be this:
Bacteria (both kinds, archaea and eubacteria) have pretty strict energy limits in terms of growth. One big constraint here is genome size: the more genes you have, the more energy that gets spent on protein synthesis. But the smaller your genome, the faster you replicate, which is important given how quickly bacterial generations turn over; replicating fast is a big advantage. You can pick up any new genes you need from the environment, thanks to lateral gene transfer. This is why bacteria don't have a lot of junk DNA.
You could try to scale up the size of the cell to increase the size of the membrane, which would allow you to produce more energy. But the volume of the cell scales with the cube of its size and the surface area with the square; and, for obscure reasons, it seems like there is a strong evolutionary pressure to keep the genome near the energy-producing membrane. So what you effectively get is a big dead area inside the cell (a vacuole, in some species of huge bacteria), lots of extra copies of the genome, and no extra energy for your trouble (each copy of the genome is a copy of every gene, which requires more energy to support).
Compare chloroplasts, which often have complicated, folded up membranes to facilitate photosynthesis--and also lots of copies of their genome floating around.
You could imagine breaking the genome up into plasmids, rather than copying every gene, and only putting extra copies of the genes needed for respiration near the cell membrane. But then you need complex transport systems (which require energy), and there's no evolutionary pressure for size for its own sake that would encourage you to develop such a complex transport system to support a large bacterial cell, in aid of maybe in the future developing an ATP surplus.
Eukaryotes didn't evolve to produce extra ATP, they evolved to get a consistent source of hydrogen, for cell growth. The endosymbiont provides the host cell with all the hydrogen it needs, and in return the host cell provides a stable environment for the endosymbiont.
In this safe environment, the endosymbiont's genome is free to shrink without limit, down to the absolute minimum number of genes needed to support respiration. Many genes will move to the nucleus of the host cell; others will simply be lost. But this produces an ATP surplus! All of this ATP needs to be used--if the whole pool of ADP gets converted to ATP, respiration stops (bad!), and free radicals accumulate which fuck up proteins and DNA and can kill the cell. So this excess of ATP encourages the host cell to find uses for it--like a cytoskeleton and internal transport mechanisms and new organelles.
Unlike the plasmid scenario, every step of this evolutionary process confers some benefit on both the host cell and the endosymbiont.
You might wonder, given the benefits, why this only happened once with mitochondria! This is sort of related to the fact that all apparent intermediate cells, like the archaezoa, are actually subsequent, reduced forms of the true eukaryote rather than being offshoots of the process of eukaryote development: the early eukaryote would have been genetically unstable, and small in population size. There was strong selection pressure to quickly converge on a single form (the eukaryote LUCA), and intermediate forms would have been quickly outcompeted and driven to extinction. Likewise, this was a feat not soon to be repeated: eukaryotes got lucky.
Endosymbiosis dumped a ton of introns--self-replicating genetic parasites--into the host cell. Some of these could have been from endosymbionts that failed to thrive in the host cell, and when they died dumped their genetic material into the host. We still sometimes see mitochondrial DNA segments invading and disrupting nuclear DNA.
The eukaryotic genome was able to tolerate the invasion of bacterial introns because of the benefit the endosymbionts provided; but initially, the result was a genetically unstable cell. The nucleus evolved to separate the nuclear DNA from ribosomes, giving time and space for spliceosomes to remove introns from transcribed RNA. Excess lipid synthesis from having both bacterial and archaeal enzymes for membrane formation helped promote the creation of the nucleus (and other membrane-bound organelles).
Because of the intron situation and overall genetic instability, the mutation rate of early eukaryotes was high, selection pressure was immense, and there was a lot of variation in the population--just the circumstances which, in mathematical models, favors the emergence of sexual reproduction.
Lateral gene transfer is of limited use as genomes get bigger, and sexual reproduction, with the genetic recombination that occurs during meiosis, makes individual genes much more salient to evolution, as opposed to just whole genomes.
The individual steps for the evolution of sexual reproduction are not so clear, but the mechanical precursors of both the segregation of genetic material and the fusion of cells are attested in prokaryotes. Various effects arising from natural selection also tend to favor two sexes, anisogamy, and the inheritance of mitochondria from only one parent. Handling mutations and the specialization of tissue, and the separation of cells into somatic cells and germ line cells, also led to the evolution of senescence.
the evolution of sex, incidentally, also favors moving as many mitochondrial genes to the nucleus as possible, so more beneficial versions can be selected for. there's no way to repair the mutational load of genes which remain in the mitochondria, and do not recombine.
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The River Jordan and Sweetpea are electric engines on the first railway on Mars.
River Jordan was the first one built, being the product of a collaboration between the nations who established the colony.
Sweetpea was donated by a coronal aerospace guild and assembled onsite. Her parts were imported and her blueprints were crownmade, so her visage is coronal.
Visage and the nature of living transport
Engines take the image of their creators. Their faces are not organic, and are more like a vessel for helpful senses and communication tools.
They come alive soon after they are built, once out of eyeshot for any moment. Attempts to stare at a new engine to see it stir are foiled somehow (blinks, saccades, CCTV malfunction, momentary lapse in attention). Not all engines come alive, as their animacy is often (but not always) decided by the intent of the builder.
Living engines can assess their circumstances and make judgements based on them. They are useful in volatile situations as an expert second opinion on conduct and design, and are capable of sensing external and internal problems quickly.
In calmer periods, they may not get adequate stimulation, and their personalities may interfere with their efficiency. For this reason, railways have their preferences when they build and purchase engines.
The facial material ends at the surface of the machine and is inscrutable in compositionâthe material appears to be made of itself, and is unusable for any other purpose besides as an engineâs interface with the world. If damaged, the material heals. If removed, it disappears. The conceptual self-referentiality of enginesâ faces, souls, and senses deter scrutiny.
Living machines exist as a fact of the universe. Their animacy is cloaked in an analysis-averting antimeme.
Human Engines
Engines designed and built by humans possess dual-pinhole pupils that dilate into an elliptical shape, granting them a broad field of view and tolerance of rapid changes in light levels (such as in going in and out of tunnels). Deep set zygomata allow them to look directly to their sides, and with the dual-pinhole setup, they maintain some depth perception in monocular sight. Their pupil shapes are hidden by their black irises, which absorb glare. They can see clearly to their front and sides, but canât see up or down very well. A tapetum lucidum retroreflects incoming light back through their retinas, granting them vision in darkness. The nictitating membranes and long eyelashes protect the eyes from dust.
The chemicals engines are capable of detecting are relevant to their purpose, e.g. distinguishing coal, gasoline, diesel, and wood fires from their smoke but not being able to distinguish or detect food smells. Similar to how cats, obligate carnivores, have lost their ability to taste sugar due to its absence in their diet, but can taste ATP for its presence in meatâengines can parse environmental and industrial scents, but will have wildly varied responses to food and fragrant compounds, often being unable to notice them.
To investigate an aroma, they slightly lower their bottom lip to take air into their vomeronasal organ located behind the upper incisors.
Engines do not require oxygen, but if debris enters the nasal passage, human engines will sneeze to:
Ensure their voice resonates properly,
Keep their olfactory facilities clean, and
Indicate to engineers that particle buildup may have occurred in other places, such as the boiler tubes for steam engines.
Crown Engines
Just as the tongue is the only colored object on a human engineâs face for distinguishability, so are the teeth on coronal engines. The positions of the upper and lower jaw indicate tone, functioning in communication similarly to eyebrows.
Coronal engine eyes consist of an armored cornea surrounded by a cuticle and muscular eyelid. The cornea moves with the help of the embedded eyestalk supporting it. The cuticle is lubricated with an oil-based film and is less susceptible to irritation than the aqueous solution on human engine eyes. The undersides of the eyelids and surface of the cornea are covered in setae, preventing chafing and reducing airflow on the cornea. The hairs catch debris and are combed out by the lids with a puckering motion.
To make up for unenhanced vision by human engine standards, coronal engine hearing is advanced, allowing the listener to pinpoint sound sources through triangulation of the four inner ears. Coronal engines, too, channel sound through their incisors and into their internal ears via the acoustic windows at the hinge of each jaw.
Coronal engines achieve their sense of industrial smell through the gustatory papillae that line their choana and pharynx. They supplement their olfaction by introducing cool air behind the heat pits inside their nares.
Coronal enginesâ thermoception is more efficient than living crowns, as coronal enginesâ faces do not produce heat nearly proportional to their mass.
Conversely, the tines heat up significantly hotter than the crown average for unambiguity in temperature tones. The origin of the tine thermal energy appears to be redirected from excess produced by the machinery, or from the faceâs temperature directly.
Extramodal senses
Engines are capable of listening from within their cabs with greater acuity than mere conduction of sound through the body would suggest. Other unsubstantiated sensory abilities include:
Discernment of water/fuel quality within the framework of taste though intake alone
Somatosensory awareness in the entire body, not just the face
#BOA#the railway series#<- my cover all tag#the river jordan#sweetpea#crowns#my art#speculative biology#This is an AU of my sci fi story#thomas and friends
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CW: slight slight nsfw at the end cuz this got away from me
I would have loved to see Sam having trauma from mystery spot. Like u watch ur brother die a million times, then spend months without him trying to hunt down the one who killed him to bring him back and u walk away from that FINE??? Like no
Would have loved to see Sam napping in the impala while dean drove and suddenly âheat of the momentâ comes on the radio and Sam shoots up and grabs dean so suddenly that dean swerves a little. Deans like â??? Wtf Samâ and Sam is like âturn that off!!â And deans like âcmon Sam Asia isnât that badâ but turns it off anyways cuz Sam is clearly upset about it.
Theyâre in a grocery store when âheat of the momentâ comes on and Sam freaks out again and atp deans srsly concerned cuz like Asia isnât his fav but its not THAT bad.
Sam canât seem to let dean out of his sight, especially in parking lots and deans like â???â Cuz yea theyâve been through some shit so dean gets the clingyness but itâs getting ridiculous
So after Sam freaks out about âheat of the momentâ for the 11th time dean just straight out asks wtf is up and Samâs like ââŠu remember that mystery spot thing while backâ and deans like â..yea?â And Sam admits heâs still a bit wired abt it but heâs fine and Dean doesnât have to worry about him and dean internally is very much worrying
So as a way to comfort Sam, dean starts sticking to his side more and eventually it gets to the point they start sleeping in the same bed and dean says itâs just cuz âthe only room left was a single so we have to shareâ and Sam internally is like âwe never share even if thereâs only one bed Wtfâ but he lowkey appreciates it cuz it does make him feel better
And at one point Sam wakes up and dean is spooning him and Sam is weirdly okay with it even tho theyâre usually never this touchy unless one of them had a close call or came back from the dead.
And Sam knows Dean knows that theyâre cuddling in their sleep and they know the other knows but they just donât speak on it and both feel better cuz of it
And deanâs still like âIâm only doing this cuz Sam needs itâ even tho heâs def enjoying it too
And then one day sam wakes up to deanâs hard on against his back and short circuits. Cuz. Heâs not grossed out and heâs starting to feel himself harden a bit too which isnt just morning wood. And. Wait. Is he into this? Omg. Heâs into this. Oml.
And heâs so embarrassed that he sneaks out the bed before Dean wakes and dosent bring it up. Unknown to him dean also wakes up at one point and feels Samâs morning wood against his back and is also weirdly turned on my it.
So theyâre both crushing on the other and not talking about it until one night theyâre both a bit tipsy and theyre settling in for the night and Sam feels deanâs hard on against his back and is like âr u turned on rnâ and deans about to get defensive but then he sees the tent in Samâs pants and is like âur turned on too!â And it finally clicks for both of them and suddenly theyâre rutting against eachother and making out
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Sorry while I was running errands I was thinking more about this, but like...they really really really not only could have but imo should have done the Guillermo/Canon Capital storyline seasons ago. Guillermo literally leaves the house and the vamily several times over the seasons and while the Canon Capital storyline is still very similar to his stint with Celeste I think it did help to give Guillermo and Nandor a new perspective on themselves and their relationship, so it has it's own kind of unique edge. So why, why, why did they wait this long to do something like this? Why did they have him 'leave' several times just to whip out an actually productive outcome to that repetitive plot at the eleventh hour? We could have done the Celeste thing, the vampire-change fakeout and then Canon Capital thing and then had maybe even a couple of seasons to explore them trying out the new vigilante dynamic (wHICH I HAVE WANTED FOR YEARS NOW). I don't know all the BTS lore, so for all I know it's possible they were hoping to do more with it in future seasons and then got cut off at six, but STILL. Why did we waste so much time treading water with these characters over and over and over again when CLEARLY we had a way to give them something more productive and interesting to do with each other? Like don't get me wrong, I loved that last episode and the nandermo moments very much but it's a little frustrating and disappointing to know this was in their back pocket and could've been done SO MUCH EARLIER. But honestly a lot of this last season feels like they were treading water with conflicts we've already resolved and filling up episodes to pass the time rather than address plotlines that have been left hanging (of which there are so many- Jenna? What happened to her? Even if Beanie couldn't return bc of schedule conflicts or whatever we could've at least had a mention from Nadja of what she's up to these days idk. The Vampire Council really were just...cool with them killing other vampires, there wasn't a bigger storyline there? And ig the whole 'taking over the new world' thing was resolved with the popping of Jerry's head which is...unsatisfying to say the least- could still be addressed in the last ep but that's A LOT to hang on what, 25 mins?).
lol sorry I'm not trying to go FULL negative nancy here but like others have said I think it's possible to both love something for what it is and acknowledge its failings. I'm going to enjoy this last ep for whatever it ends up being but MAN, the more I think about it, the more I see these baffling, obvious missteps in potential and I cannot fathom why the writers/powers that be thought that having the characters run around in a hamster ball with the same rehashed plots over and over was better than what they're doing now, what they could have done. I get the whole thing about vampires and a lack of change but shouldn't we, as the audience who is sympathetic to them, want to see them grow? Deal with different conflicts, both internal and external?
idk I'm just ranting/thinking out loud atp, and the show's not over yet so we'll see what they do in this last one, I'm just setting my expectations accordingly. Like someone else said, if nothing else we can fix it in post (fanworks lol)
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