#its giving Bella Swan. for real. seek help

[brainjuicey]

there's something deeply unforgivable about the book and tv normal people

[aion-rsa]

11 Diverse Vampire Stories To Read Instead of Midnight Sun

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There’s a very good chance we’re going to read Midnight Sun, the companion novel to pop culture juggernaut Twilight that retells the first story in the Stephanie Meyer YA vampire series from Edward Cullen’s perspective. But we can enjoy something while also being critical of it, and the truth is: our culture deserves more, better vampire stories than what the Twilight saga has to offer. With that in mind, we’ve pooled our collective knowledge to recommend the following vampire stories that have more diverse and imaginative takes on the popular genre. From short stories to book series, hopefully there’s something here for you…

Fledgling by Octavia Butler

A good general rule of life to follow is that if Octavia Butler has written something in a particular genre, you should read it. And that’s as true in the world of vampire fiction as anywhere else. Fledging was the final book Butler published before her untimely death in 2006 and, though it’s technically a vampire story, it’s also a whole lot more than that.

Much in the same way that Butler’s Kindred is a time travel story that tackles physical and psychological horrors of slavery, Fledging is a vampire tale that explores issues of racism and sexuality. In it, a 10-year-old girl with amnesia discovers that she’s not actually a girl at all, but a fifty-something hybrid member of the Ina. Ina are basically what we understand as vampires in this universe – they’re a nocturnal, long-lived species who survive by drinking human blood. They’ve formed something of a symbiotic relationship with the humans they live alongside, using them as a food source in exchange for boosting their immune systems and helping them live (much) longer.

As Shori regains her memories of her former life, Fledging uses her unique situation as an avenue to explore timely issues of bigotry and identity. As a human-Ina hybrid, Shuri has been genetically modified to have dark skin, allowing her to go outside for brief periods during the day, but drawing the ire and distrust of others. As the novel further explores complex issues of family and connection – both the Ina and their human symbionts tend to mate in packs – Butler pokes at Shori’s uniquely uncomfortable position of being the master over one particular group, even as she herself is considered part of something like an underclass within Ina culture. And the end result is something that’s much more than a vampire tale, even as it embraces—and outright parodies—some of its most obvious tropes. 

– Lacy Baugher

Buy Fledgling by Octavia Butler on Amazon

The Coldest Girl in Coldtown by Holly Black

Twilight’s sin was not in trying to make vampires sexy all over again (it’s OK to make bloodsuckers cool), but rather in amplifying the teenage girl protagonist’s desire while blunting her agency. In doing so, Meyer maintained the dynamic of traditional vampire narratives instead of modernizing it. Five years after Breaking Dawn was released, Holly Black redeemed the YA vampire novel with her standalone tale, set in a world where it’s not just one hormonal teenager who’s dying to be a vampire, but all of society craving that sweet sweet immortality.

In Black’s world, everyone wants to be Cold: infected by a vampire bite but neither killed nor made into a fully-fledged vampire. Not until they drink human blood, at least. But in an effort to control the rising population of vampires and Cold people, the governments created Coldtowns, trapping both in a never-ending party town. The titular Coldest girl is Tana, who wakes up after a (very human, very teenage) rager to find almost everyone slaughtered and herself bitten. Fearing that she has become Cold, she voluntarily turns herself in to the nearest Coldtown along with her also-bitten ex-boyfriend Aidan and Gavriel, a vampire who seeks to take down the uber-vampire who rules the Coldtown.

The Coldest Girl in Coldtown is a sly riff on the vampire obsession that took over pop culture in the early 2000s, yet still its own cautionary tale about chasing after a glamorous, self-destructive afterlife. The cast of characters are fully fleshed-out, from a twin with a fangirl blog to Gavriel as an actually suitable vampire love interest to Tana Bach herself, who gets to be proactive where Bella Swan was always reactive. Best of all, it knows that it doesn’t need to lure readers back to a franchise, like vampires returning again and again to feed, instead telling its entire story in one bloody, chilly gulp.

—Natalie Zutter

Buy The Coldest Girl in Coldtown on Amazon

Carmilla by Joseph Sheridan LeFanu, edited by Carmen Maria Machado

A quarter-century before Bram Stoker’s Dracula, a different vampire seduced young women away from the suffocating constraints of their lives by awakening within their blood a thrilling, oft-considered perverse, desire. That it is a female vampire—the eponymous Carmilla, known also by her aliases Mircalla and Millarca—likely explains why LeFanu’s text is either incredibly well-known among niche circles, or entirely absent from pop cultural canons. Yet the moment you read it, its depiction of the heady attraction between innocent Laura and possessive Carmilla is anything but subtext.

Like Dracula, this Gothic horror novella is presented as a found text, with a frame narrative of occult detective Dr. Hesselius presenting Laura’s bizarre case… but also to some extent controlling her voice. In her new introduction, Machado posits a startling new contextualization: that Hesselius and Laura’s correspondence is not a fictional device, but a fictionalization of real-life letters between a Doctor Peter Fontenot and Veronika Hausle, about the latter’s charged relationship with the alluring Marcia Marén. That their relationship provided the basis for Laura and Carmilla, but that only the tragic parts were transmuted through the vampire metaphor, excising the queer joy of their partnership, further illustrates how these stories fail their subjects. Yet neither is Marén wholly innocent; as with In the Dream House, Machado does not flinch away from imperfect or even violent queer relationships, such as they resemble any other dynamic between two people.

It’s best to read Machado’s Russian nesting doll narrative without knowing much about her motivations. Though it might be useful to consider how she ends the introduction with something of a confession: “The act of interacting with text—that is to say, of reading—is that of inserting one’s self into what is static and unchanging so that it might pump with fresh blood.” Or try running some of these names through anagram filters.

And if that whets your appetite for other adaptations, the 2014 Carmilla web series both wrestles the frame story back into Laura’s hands, in the form of a video-diary journalism project, and makes the Laura/Carmilla romance very much text.

—Natalie Zutter

Buy Carmilla on Amazon

A Phoenix Must First Burn, edited by Patrice Caldwell

A Phoenix Must First Burn is a collection of sixteen short stories about magic, fantasy, and sci-fi that focus on Black women and gender non-conforming individuals. The book features stories about fantasy creatures of all kinds, witches, shape shifters, and vampires alike. What they have in common is that they are stories about and by Black people, and they offer unique takes on familiar lore.

Bella Swan is a great protagonist in the Twilight series because she is whatever the reader needs her to be. Just distinct enough that you can conjure her in your mind, but mostly a blank slate for the reader to step into the story with her, using her as their avatar. That’s a generality specific to White characters. In A Phoenix Must First Burn, the protagonists are Black. This gives them a very particular point of view, and one that isn’t as common in fantasy, and in the vampire tales of yore.

In Stephenie Meyer’s world vampires look like they’re lathered in Fenty body shimmer when they’re in direct sunlight. In “Letting the Right One In,” Patrice Caldwell gives us a vampire who is a Black girl, with dark brown skin, and coiled hair. Sparkling vampires are certainly a unique spin, but the Cullens are still White and don’t challenge any ideas of what it means to be an immortal blood-drinking creature of the night. A Phoenix Must First Burn shifts the lens to focus on the experience of Black folks, and allows them to be magical, enigmatic, and romantic.

– Nicole Hill

Buy A Phoenix First Must Burn on Amazon

Certain Dark Things by Silvia Moreno-Garcia

In the Twilight series, we’re introduced to vampires from other cultures, but they are all very much the same, save for their individual power sets which appear to be unrelated to their ethnicity or nationality. In Certain Dark Things, vampires are a species with several different subspecies and where they come from influences how they look and what kind of powers they have.

Atl is from Mexico and is bird-winged descendent of Blood-drinking Aztecs. The Necros, European vampires, have an entirely different look and set of abilities. Certain Dark Things doesn’t just include vampires from all around the world, it incorporates vampire mythology from all of those places, filling its world with a rich array of distinct vampires with their specific quirks and gifts.

In his four-star review of the book on Goodreads, author Rick Riordan had this to say. “Throwing vampire myths from so many cultures together was right down my alley. If you like vampire books but would appreciate some . . . er, fresh blood . . . this is a fast-paced read that breathes fresh life into the genre.” Riordan, who opened up his literary world to new storytellers and has championed authors of color is certainly a person whose opinion holds weight. Vampires haven’t gone out of style, but the Draculas and Edward Cullens are.

– Nicole Hill

Buy Certain Dark Things on Amazon

Vampires Never Get Old, edited by Zoriada Córdova & Natalie C. Parker

This anthology featuring vampires who lurk on social media just as much as they lurk in the night will hit the bookstore shelves on September 22, just in time to start prepping for Halloween. Edited by Zoriada Córdova and Natalie C. Parker, the collection features eleven new stories and a really fantastic author list, populated with a diverse group of authors from a ton of backgrounds and sexualities. The contributors include V. E. Schwab, known for her “Darker Shade of Magic” series; Nebula, Hugo, and Locus Award-winner, Rebecca Roanhorse; Internment author Samira Ahmed; Dhionelle Clayton, author of The Belles and Tiny Pretty Things; “The Blood Journals” author Tessa Gratton (who also contributed to the super spooky looking Edgar Allan Poe-inspired His Hideous Heart); Heidi Heilig, author of the “Shadow Players” trilogy; Julie Murphy, whose book Dumplin’ was adapted for the Netflix film of the same name; Lammy Award winner Mark Oshiro, whose forthcoming YA fantasy Each of Us a Desert will hit stands just before this anthology; Thirteen Doorways author Laura Ruby; and essayist and short story writer Kayla Whaley.

There are a lot of YA authors on this list, many of whom crossover to adult, so there’s a good chance readers will find some of their favorite kinds of angsty vampires on these pages, as well as body-conscious vampires, and vamps coming out as well as going out into the night, seeking for their perfect victim—or just looking for love.

– Alana Joli Abbott

Buy Vampires Never Get Old on Amazon

Choice of the Vampire by Jason Stevan Hill

Back in 2010, when I was first getting to know interactive fiction, Jason Stevan Hill wrote Choice of the Vampire for the still-relatively new company, Choice of Games. A sequel came out in 2013, and this year, the third interactive novel, in which you, the reader make the choices, releases. Best played from a mobile device (although you can play in your browser as well), the interactive novels from Choice of Games are always fun (disclosure: I have written a few), and they’re dedicated to featuring inclusive options to let players express their personalities, gender identities, and sexualities within the confines of the game. Choice of the Vampire starts players as young vampires in 1815 New Orleans. In The Fall of Memphis, the story moves to 1873, and rather than facing the concerns of learning to survive their unlife adventures, players get embroiled in the politics of Memphis, where vampires are electing a new Senator, and the Klan is on the rise. 

With the release of St. Louis, Unreal City, the intention is that the two earlier games will be combined into one larger omnibus, so that players can have an uninterrupted play experience of the full story. St. Louis, Unreal City moves the story forward into 1879, in a St. Louis where the first wave of Chinese immigrants and the dismantling of Reconstruction force the city to face its systemic racism. As workers demand greater rights—and rich financiers attempt to keep control of the nation’s wealth—vampires have to continue to hide, lest they be destroyed. But when one of their own lets loose the beast, causing terror in the streets of America, players have to decide how their character will triumph in a changing world. Stevan Hill pours a ton of historical detail into the scenes he creates, making these vampire stories as much historical fiction as they are fantasy or horror. In advance of the release of the newest installment, the first two games have been updated with new material, so if you’ve played them before, they’re worth a replay before you launch into Night Road!

– Alana Joli Abbott

Moonshine by Alaya Dawn Johnson

Like the first two Choice of the Vampire stories, Moonshine, which came out in 2010, embroils its protagonist in the social struggles of its era: the 1920s of New York City. Zephyr Hollis is an activist, devoted to creating equality for both humans and Others, including vampires, despite her upbringing as the daughter of a demon-hunter. She’s immune to vampire bites, which is helpful when she discovers a newly-turned child vampire; if she turns him in, the authorities will kill him, so soft-hearted Zephyr takes the child in and feeds him her own blood. When she’s approached by a jinn, Amir, to use her cover as a charity worker to undermine a vampire mob boss in exchange for his help with the child, he doesn’t explain what he’s after—but Zephyr’s intrigued enough by the idea (and Amir) that she gets involved. If you already finished Johnson’s newest novel, The Trouble with Saints (also set in historical New York, this one during World War II), returning to this earlier novel and its sequel, Wicked City, will be a fast-paced treat.

Buy Moonshine on Amazon

“A Kiss With Teeth” by Max Gladstone

There are not a ton of stories out there about vampire parenting—and fewer that are more about what it means to be a parent, what it means to give up the person you were before (even it that person was a monster). Max Gladstone’s 2014 short story, published at Tor.com, is absolutely a vampire story in the classic sense: a hunt, a victim, a struggle. But it’s also the tale of a vampire, Vlad, who settles down with a vampire hunter, and the changes that settling down create for both of them. How can a parent be honest with his child when he’s hiding something so core to his identity? Even playing baseball in the park requires Vlad to hide his own strength. And how can he work with the teacher to help his son with struggling grades when that teacher is the ideal prey? The idea of being a vampire blends with the idea of hiding an affair, of planning to do something that shouldn’t be done, and then determining whether or not to do it. The way the story is written, it’s hard to tell where it’s going to go, or how two parents hiding so much about themselves can ever be honest with their child—but when it comes to the end, Gladstone knocks it out of the park.

– Alana Joli Abbott

Queen of Kings by Maria Dahvana Headley

The visual of Cleopatra dying with a poisonous asp clutched to her breast is an iconic, Shakespearean-tinged bit of history that we all learned in our ancient Egypt history units. However, Headley’s debut novel gives the queen a bit more credit, by reimagining that instead of going all Romeo and Juliet after the supposed death of her lover Marc Antony, she strikes a bargain with Sekhmet, goddess of death and destruction who has nonetheless begun fading away due to a dearth of worship. In Shakespearean fashion, things go awry when Sekhmet seizes control of Cleopatra, transforming her into an immortal being and transmuting her revenge into a literal bloodlust.

Unable to die, with her lover still slain and her children in danger, Cleopatra must battle the dark force within her urging her to drain others of their lifeforce and let loose Sekhmet’s seven children (plague, famine, drought, flood, earthquake, violence, and madness) upon the ancient world. What’s more, she also has to contend with the mortal threat of recently-appointed emperor Caesar Augustus and the three sorcerers he has rallied to fight the queen-turned-demigod. Drawing from Egyptian mythology to contextualize various familiar vampire tropes (the aforementioned bloodsucking, aversion to sunlight, and weakness for silver), Queen of Kings reinvigorates the vampire mythos through a historical figure who deserved to exist long beyond her mortal lifetime.

—Natalie Zutter

Buy Queen of Kings on Amazon

Carpe Jugulum by Terry Pratchett

Sir Terry never met a trope he didn’t take the opportunity to parody, but his Discworld take on the vampire mythos is more love bite than going for the jugular. His Magpyrs embody the classic vampires, with all their subgenre trappings, but also are an example of how a supernatural race seeks to evolve beyond its bloody history and try something new. To be clear, these Magpyrs are still in it to drain humans dry, and they’ve developed cunning methods of doing so: a propensity for bright colors over drab blacks, the ability to stay up til noon and survive in direct sunlight, a taste for garlic and wine along with their plasma.

But the clash between the youngest immortals, who seek to overtake the mountain realm of Lancre as their new home, and dutiful servant Igor, who misses “the old wayth” (he’s a traditionalist down to the lisp), reveals a tension familiar to any long-ruling dynasty or established subculture: Change with the times, or adapt but lose what makes you unique? In struggling with this intergenerational dilemma, the Magpyrs find the perfect opponents in Lancre’s coven: Granny Weatherwax, Nanny Ogg, Magrat, and Agnes—four witches who find themselves taking on different roles within the mother/maiden/crone dynamic as life changes force shifts in their identities. Between these relatable personal conflicts and a hall of vampire portraits that pays homage to Ann Rice and Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Carpe Jugulum gently ribs the vampire subgenre rather than put a stake through its heart.

—Natalie Zutter

Buy Carpe Jugulum on Amazon

Do you have any vampire story recommendations that challenge the traditional tropes of the genre in interesting and diverse ways? Let us know in the comments below.

The post 11 Diverse Vampire Stories To Read Instead of Midnight Sun appeared first on Den of Geek.

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[all-of-the-imagines-for-eve]

I Got You Beat ~ Paul v/s. Jacob (Part One)

A/n: heavily focused on Friend!Bella, Paul x reader. I started this with intentions for a completely different story and it kind of turned into something else entirely because I really can’t write a story without a happy ending. I’m fragile okay?

Pairings: Jacob Black x reader, Paul Lahote x reader, Reader x friend!Bella Swan, Bella Swan x Edward Cullen, (slight) Bella Swan x Jacob Black

Word Count: 4467

Song Suggest: “I Think I Got You Beat” from Shrek the musical is the song that prompted this, but it’s just for the mood of it, not the lyrics lol.

MASTERLIST

I think I got you beat, I think I got you beat!

Y/n and Bella had been friends since the beginning. They were neighbors and despite the distance that there was between them, Y/n was often at the Swan's house to help clean or make meals because her mom was usually gone and her dad was long out of the picture and Charlie had kind of taken her under his wing. Y/n also showed Bella around on the first day of school and kept away the creepers. She tried to warn Bella about the Cullens... but Bella listens to no one. Not even the Cullens.

Bella knew that Y/n was dating Paul Lahote, someone from the rez she'd never met. The girls would stay up late during sleepovers or on the phone talking about their boyfriends and how in love they were. Then Y/n pulled away from Bella and suddenly she went MIA altogether. Bella went to her house only to find out she and Paul had broken up. Y/n wouldn't give any details and Bella left it alone, understanding that everyone had their secrets and there are some things you just can't tell other people. Especially when it came to love.

When Bella's birthday passed and Edward left with the rest of the Cullens, any traces of him completely disappearing except the wisps of them in people's memory, Bella basically died. Even worse than Y/n who had at least gone to school, Bella wouldn't even respond to people. Y/n was worried sick, putting her own feelings aside to tend to her friend in every way she could think to. But no matter how hard she tried, nothing ever worked.

Jacob Black and Y/n had become friends through Bella, even though Y/n refused to answer any questions about Sam and his gang. The two finally got Bella out and going, though her sudden taste for adventure didn't seem to be any healthier than the sitting around and zoning out. Things seemed to be going well for a while and Y/n was happy to see Jacob and Bella getting closer. Bella was sure Y/n didn't know about the vampiric activity in her past but... sometimes she wondered.

Just as everything was finally setting toward the happily ever after ending finale, Jacob dropped out. Bella broke down all over again and Y/n was there to hold her. Bella couldn't help but think Y/n wasn't all that surprised though, even when they found out that Jacob had joined Sam's gang and that things were really weird. Every time Bella tried to bring it up Y/n would simply state that she hadn't been as close to Jake as Bella was and that she had come to terms with it sooner in order to be there for Bella.

Bella wasn't having it.

"You can't go to Jake's!" Y/n wailed, finally snapping after an entire hour of going back and forth with Bella.

The two girls were millimeters apart. "Why not?" she demanded.

Y/n grunted, her teeth grinding together as she breathed through her nose, trying not to say too much. "He's in a gang now. He's separating himself from us. Did you think maybe he wants you to leave him alone?" Instantly Y/n felt bad. Bella looked as if she'd been slapped. "Look," she breathed. "I'll go with you to Jakes house. We'll talk to him." Bella smiled. "But if he says to go away, we drop it and move on okay?" Bella glared. Y/n moved closer, sighing again. "You've been through absolute Hell, I know... but if he needs space, you have to respect that. Okay?"

After a second, Bella nodded then quietly added, "If he leaves..."

"Then I'll be right by your side," Y/n eased. The girls shared a tender look before moving to Bella's truck, getting in. Y/n knew what would happen. They would turn them away and Jake would know that Bella was in good hands because Y/n did know more than Bella even realized. More than Bella knew. Y/n knew about the vampires and the wolves and the Volturi ad the stories and the truth behind them. She knew everything because at one time she had been in a forever relationship with Paul Lahote... until everything was ruined.

Y/n pushed that out of her mind though and watched the road as they got closer to the Black house, praying to anyone she could thin of that Paul wouldn't be there.

- Reader POV -

Of course, I couldn't have luck with anything ever.

The situation spiraled far beyond what I had thought would happen. I got Billie to let us in at least since I only needed to give him one look to communicate I had a plan. He told us that Jake was asleep and that's when everything spiraled out of control. We were planning on waking him up in a bit since Bella refused to leave without hearing the word out of Jake's mouth, but then THEY showed up.

I saw them before Bella did, my hand flying out on instinct a second before Jared whooped to let Billie know they were coming, probably for Jake. Bella didn't even register me as her eyes landed on Sam and the pack. One second she was next to me and the next she was gone and I had only the option of chasing after her. We were a foot away from the pack before I grabbed Bella's arm pulling her to a stop before she reached Sam. "Bella no!" I kept my eyes down, desperately avoiding looking at them. I still felt their eyes on me though.

Bella ripped her arm out of my grasp but didn't move as I clung onto her, her eyes landing on me finally and the traveling to HIM, realizing the situation I was suddenly in. My equivalent of Edward was not even a foot away... But she took yet another selfish moment and stepped forward, seeking answers. "What did you do to him?" She sneered.

"What did we do?" His voice made me seize up. "What did he tell you?"

I grabbed at Bella but she continued to pull away from me and we moved steadily closer to the boys. "Nothing! He won't tell me anything. He's- scared of you!" I flinched as Jared busted up laughing, pissing Bella off even more. Except I knew what was funny, and I was growing steadily more uneasy. My stomach turned and twisted and I was sure I was about to throw up any second. "You think that's funny?" Bella seethed.

Someone stepped forward. "You don't know anything, Isabella Swan. Go home before you get into real trouble." I found myself unable to stop her when she stepped up and slapped him.  wanted to slap him myself, before Bella had a real reason to do it. The repercussions sent me flying forward though as Paul began to heave and hiss. I pushed Bella backward, my arms flying wide as I blocked her from his view, locking eyes with him. He stepped back and so did I as he wolfed out. I froze, unable to move. I had never seen him shift before.

We stood face to face, my eyes filled with awe and his with anger. "Y/n!" Bella and Jake screamed behind me. None of the other boys moved to stop or back me up though, and Jake soon settled for wolfing out behind me, sending Bella screaming my name again as he moved to my side, nudging me. I still didn't budge.

Slowly my emotion came back to me as I ached to reach my hand out and run my fingers through his fur and my face twisted in pain, my eyes tearing up. Paul saw the look in my eyes and moved back, whimpering quietly. I turned away, my blood rushing in my ears s I took off as fast as I could. Bella called my name yet again but I didn't stop even for a second. I kept running and running until I was far in the woods and my lungs were screaming. My foot caught on something and I went tumbling, the tears knocked out of me by the jerking halt before I ever hit the ground.

Pushing myself up,  tried and failed to swallow my sobs. They disobeyed me, ripping through my body and into the air. I sat on my hip, twisted so my palms lay flat on the ground, holding me up. My head tilted forward, hair dangling as my body shook with sobs. A hand rested on my shoulder and I looked up to see Jake. There was no hiding my pain so I simply gave in, letting my shaky elbow give out. He caught me, moving into a sitting position so he could hold me to him. We sat for a long time as he rubbed my back and soothed me. When I finally calmed down we separated so I could wipe my red, puffy face dry and try to look presentable. "I'm sorry," I croaked. "I tried to get her to let it go-"

He sighed, shaking his head. "It's Bella," he reasoned. I nodded ad that was that because that's all we needed. An avalanche couldn't have stopped that girl if it tried its hardest. He looked at me as I played with the foliage. "Your ankle okay?" He motioned to my foot twisted in what I could now see was a root. I nodded, tugging it out gently and then crossing my legs applesauce style. After another pause, Jake spoke again. "I guess this means that Sam can't keep Bella away anymore. Which means that Bella and I might work things out, be together... Even if we stay friends, though, she'll be around a lot."

I sighed, covering my face with both of my hands. "Jake..." He nodded, understanding even before I continued. "I can't be around him. I can't keep things going the way they are. I couldn't even be near him. Look at him..." I dropped my hands, looking at him as he stared at the ground. "I won't be another Leah."

Jake nodded again, wordless. Neither of us spoke for a long time. "Bella's getting the rundown from everybody else. I'm sure she'll have questions." My face scrunched up and he reached out to take my hand comfortingly. "She can take you home and if you need any help... I can tell her not to ask."

Shaking my head, I said, "No. She has a right to know and honestly, I'm tired of lying to her." I stood then, offering my hand. He chuckled, jumping to his feet. Once he was standing he threw an arm over my shoulders, pulling me into his side.

We began walking. "You want a piggyback ride?" I snorted but when he stopped, turning his back to me, I knew he was serious. Honestly, who would turn that down? So I hopped on his back ad he began running, jostling me purposefully to make me laugh. By the time we reached Emily's, I felt completely better. Jake was tired and he had a new sort of darkness about him, but at his core, he was still the fun, light-spirited ray of sunshine I knew at his core. We walked laughing and shoving each other. I dodged him just as we crossed the door threshold, running backward right into a warm body.

My laughter died in my throat as I turned around, coming face to face with Paul. "S-sorry," I muttered. I moved to Bella before he could respond. Jake followed after me, taking my hand to soothe me. Despite what I'd told Bella, Jake and I were actually really close and his presence helped a lot. The rest of our stay was spent by Bella, who organized a sleepover at her house. We left Emily's and went back to hers. I only got a goodbye hug in with Jake before I was being whisked off. Right as I pulled away from him, our eyes locked for the first time that night, which I would only realize later.

He stumbled back but Bella was pulling me out the door and I brushed it off as nothing. He was probably more tired than I realized. We were in Bella's truck and she started it quickly, something obviously on her mind. I swallowed, my knuckles gripping the arm of my chair and trying not to look too terrified as she drove like a crazy person. The driving wasn't really what scared me though, it was what waited at the destination we were headed.

As expected, the second we were past her dad and in the confines of her room, she was questioning me. "What happened between you and Paul?" When she saw my pained expression she scooted closer, her hands grasping mine. I sighed, closing my eyes. All she really know is that he moved on. I had lied, saying that he just didn't care about me like that anymore and it had been too weird to be friends so we broke up and moved on from each other. Or at least, he had moved on from me. "Y/n I know you lied about something, because the look he gave you tonight.... He looked like he wanted to rip out his own heart or something. There was so much tension and pain between you two..."

I was quiet for a few second, but I knew she wasn't going to let it drop because we both knew I needed to talk about it. Finally, I whispered, "He imprinted on someone else." She was stunned. "We really were so in love and being around each other just hurts, so much. Because he knows exactly how I think and the feelings I felt for him. We knew each other so well. It still is so engrained that we can still read each other. He still remembers how he felt about me and all the things that happened between us but his feelings changed- he can't help it." I shook my head. "I hate imprinting. We would have been happy for a long time, if not forever. We WERE happy. I took the whole wolf thing in stride and he said that he wasn't even mad I wasn't his imprint because obviously I was perfect for him. I had been there since the beginning. Since before..." My voice cracked. "And then he saw her." Bella squeezed my hands and I sighed, shaking my head as I met her half worried, half angry gaze. "Well, he seems really happy now. Kim I think her name is. No one told her about me and Paul. I mean she knew that we were dating when Paul first met her and she knew that somewhere along the way we broke up and then that they got together." I scoffed. "He tried to just be friends with her, but the more they talked, the further they got... I broke up with him. I knew it was coming and I was tired of feeling less like his girlfriend and more like someone simply blocking him from being with her."

Bella's shoulders sagged as she looked at me, pained. "I'm so sorry, Y/n. I know how you feel and that's-"

Ripping my hands away from her, I rolled my eyes. "You have no idea how I fell," I sneered. "Bella, Edward isn't Paul. You want to really know why Edward left? Do you think I don't know what happened at your birthday party? Do you think I don't know why you came home with ripped clothes and bandages? Who attacked you Bells? Which Cullen?" She had frozen in shock. "Alice? Emmet? Edward? Jasper?" She flinched as Jasper's name and my expression grew even darker. "Edward left because he knew that a human and a vampire could never be together. You're a lamb and he's a lion- it's literally against nature. Like me dating the food my mom makes for me at night. It's WRONG and the only way it wouldn't be wrong is if he turned you into a Bloodsucker too. Paul became a wold because of the blood running through his veins, triggering a reaction because of those damn vampires you love so much. His change was because of nature. He left me not because he was scared he'd kill me but because he was pulled away by some werewolf bullshit. It wasn't his choice and it wasn't a clean cut. Our situations are completely different- son't EVER assume to understand me." I shot to my feet, grabbing my jacket from the floor where I'd ditched it upon our entry into the room not even half an hour ago. I stopped in her doorway, turning back to look at her. Her eyes were trained on her bed, wide and too still to be alive. "It would be good for you to get over him Bella. Paul and I... we were a healthy relationship and it could have lasted a normal lifetime. Neither of us would have had to change to be with the other long term. I had a perfect future laid out for me and then it was taken away by Fate or science or whatever God may or may not be above. You think losing Edward sucks?" She flinched but my anger was too hot to give way now. "Sweetheart I think I've got you beat." And like that, I spun around and sped down the stairs and out the door as Charlie called my name to try and figure out what was wrong.

The walk home was cold and long and dark. I didn't even make it halfway before I stopped, knowing I couldn't go home. I couldn't go back to the room where the presence of Paul and Bella were both so strong and prominent. I couldn't go back where I would be haunted by the two people who I suddenly yearned for the most.

Why had I said the things I did to Bella? Even if there was a small bit of truth to them, Bella still was hurting and Edward had still loved her. They had been torn apart by nature despite love the same way Paul and I had been. Nature refused us, even though we were in love.

My feet suddenly curved and I found them taking me across the street and into the woods. I loved it here. Alone, stretching forever. There was no Bella or Edward or Paul here. Just shadows and trees and underbrush. I walked, absentmindedly tying my jacket around my waist instead of putting it on like a smart person. I suddenly felt like I was looking for something... Or maybe a LACK of something. Is this how it had been for Bella when Edward had left her alone in the woods like the Grade A dick he was? Is this how it felt for her when he was suddenly gone and she started running, screaming, looking for him? Calling his name, knowing he wouldn't call back?

Anxiety started to crawl up my throat as the cold air sunk into my very bones. Suddenly I was running, tripping over things as the darkness and my watery vision combined to make me completely blind. I cried out as I tripped, my palms landing harshly on the dirt. I felt something slide along my palm and a sharp stinging let me know that whatever it had been had cut into the skin where it had met my hand. I pushed myself back up, running again. I ran and ran and ran until my throat and lungs were searing with pain and my legs shook underneath me, pleading to give in. There was a point in sprinting when your body had reached the point it thought it's max was. When it tried to stop and collapse and calm down- this came sooner if you weren't used to running. I knew that if I pushed farther, refused to slow down and just kept going, it would fade. The adrenaline would kick in and mask the pain and the reached limit and suddenly you'd be pumped with more energy and be able to go even further. I tripped again, immediately scrambling to my feet and running again as I didn't want to lose my ability to keep going. An animalistic sound turned through me. It was meant to be a scream but it ripped through my throat and into the air, higher and sharper and angrier and more pained than just a scream. It was more like a howl or a guttural screech. My shoulder caught the trunk of a tree and I gasped, blinking as pain shot through my arm.

"Y/N WAIT!" Just as the voice screamed I finally hit past that limit mark and the adrenaline exploded, especially as my fear spied as suddenly another person was present in the area next to me where there had been no one before. I pushed further, pumping my arms as hard as I could to go as fast as my human limitations would allow. "Y/N PLEASE!" It was far closer than it should have been and I felt my heartbeat spike as pure fear coursed through me. Who was it? A vampire? Oh god oh god oh go-

Suddenly there was nothing under my feet and I was tripping, falling. I crashed down the side of some hill and crashed into some kind of water that was deep enough to cover my whole body when I sprawled out on the bottom. My body was aching and my lungs were wailing as I fought to the surface and to the other side of the water, trying to claw my way up the other side of the ditch I'd fallen into. When my fingers started to erupt in searing pain I stopped, clutching my hands to my chest and blinking hard as I tried to clear my head. There were so many demanding emotions in my body and now that I'd stopped running, my body refused to move even a single muscle. I swayed on my feet. What had happened? My shoulder and fingers and palm hurt and I shivered, wet and out in the cold. What was wrong with me? Why didn't I just go home?

Sobs burst out of me, my eyes shutting tight as my body shook, all the emotions I'd so long kept inside pouring out and flooding like a dam broken. Anger. Fear. Hurt. Betrayal. Loss. Sadness. Resentment. Jealousy. Worthlessness. Confusion. Hopelessness. Desperation. Longing. Wanting. Wistfulness. Regret.

A warm hand rested on my shoulder and I shrieked, skittering away from it as I whipped around, eyes wide. Jake was suddenly in my line of sight, stepping back with his hands up, fingers open and palms facing me. His face was broken and twisted in concern. I couldn't comprehend him being here. I was supposed to be alone... "Jake?"

He took a step toward me, small but purposeful. "Y/n... Bella called me because she had a bad feeling. Wanted to make sure you were okay. She said that she wanted me to go find you because I'd have better luck than she would, even if you were home... She was scared something had happened to you. When your tracks branched off from your path home, intot he woods, and I heard your scream... That's why I'm here." He spoke slowly and softly, holding my gaze as he helped me to make sense of what was going on. I nodded, the shivering coming back as the shock faded. We stayed quiet until the adrenaline faded, leaving me weak and shaking and about to collapse. I reached out for him and he was instantly holding me, scooping me up and holding me firmly against him. I sighed as his warmth enveloped me, pressing further into him. "I'm going to take you to my house and get you cleaned up before taking you home okay?" I weakly nodded.

He walked in silence, carrying me all the way to his house as if it was no big deal. I wondered if wolves had speed even in human form - it seemed to take far less of a time than it would have taken me before we were at his house. Or maybe I was just falling asleep, half conscious as I stared into the dark woods ahead of me. What would have happened if he hadn't found me?

As promised, he sat me on the table and patched up my shoulder and hands before letting me take a shower to warm up. When I got out he had left my clothes on his bed in a pile, freshly dried. Except my shirt which was a bit shredded if I remembered properly. He had one of his shirts next to the pile of my own clothing. I smiled, drying off and then getting dressed. I felt weak, my feet dragging as I left the room and my eyelids drooping as I made my way out of his room to find him. The second I opened his door he was at my side, catching me as I swayed, nearly loosing my balance. "'M sorry," I mumbled, pulling him close to take in more of his warmth. He felt different than he had earlier. Somehow his presence was more comforting, more familiar. The thought passively nudged into my groggy mind. Had I not wanted to go home because Jake wasn't there? I'm sure that it wouldn't have felt this comfortable and safe and welcoming and warm. No way.

He rubbed my back. "It okay." He paused. "Do you want to go home now?" My hands gripped his shirt harder and I heard his smile as he spoke next. "I'll call your parents, ask them if you can stay here instead. I'll say you called me after you got hurt or something. Promise to get you back tomorrow..."

I smiled. "Yeah I'd like that."

He guided me to his bed. "Okay then you get some sleep, alright?" I nodded, humming. He pulled the blankets over me after I lay down, smiling softly at me.

"Don't leave me," I begged softly. "I don't want to be alone."

His smile seemed strained. "Okay. I'll sleep right here in the floor. It wasn't what my groggy brain was demanding but if I scooted to the edge of the bed then I could see him on the floor on the little makeshift bed he'd made out if extra pillows and blankets and that was enough for now. I fell asleep warm and safe and even, dare I say.... happy.

Thank you Jake.

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