#its fine 馃檭
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You know the dysphoria is dysphoria-ing when none of the shirts you wear are right so you keep switching them out and your shorts are wrong but they're your only pair and it's too hot out for anything else and then you keep looking and your face is wrong and your hips are wrong and your thighs are wrong and--
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it has been 0 days since our last life-threatening nosebleed
#eeeuuuuggghhhh#the steroid nasal spray the dr gave me has been helping a lot but also my blood vessels jist explode every now and again now#its fine 馃檭
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Im going to miss the pride parade near me this year :( I've never gone and was really excited about it :(:(:(
#personal post#i volunteered to work that day partially bc i forgot and also a coworker is having her bachelorette party#idk what time her party is but most of my other coworkers are going but i wasnt explicitly invited :(#but its a morning shift? so like. one of them /could/ work#and also! i asked my closest work friend a month ago if she wanted to go with me and she agreed!!#im just. bummed out#and left out#its fine 馃檭#i think theres a festival after? idk if im gonna go. im pretty down rn#i should go.
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the other kind of sister daniel for @psychicmoth's absolutely giant brain 馃檹 no this outfit wasn't from a lingerie site, she is a PROFESSIONAL thank you 馃槆
#i have deliberated posting this here all day after putting it on twitter last night#i am ~going thru it with the things i draw rn#just a mild crisis its fine! 馃檭#dnp art#phan art#phanart#daniel howell#sister daniel
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The wedding is out, and I am slowly being killed with cuteness the longer it goes in, why are they all so cute and sweet and just AH!!!...
Who wants my version of wedding fits?
#redacted asmr#redactedverse#redacted david#redacted angel#redacted asher#redacted baaabe#redacted wedding#ITS HERE ITS DONE AND I AM SO HAPPY!!!!#I'm fine 馃檭#asmrist fangirl signing off
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I wanted to become a warrior with Hyuuga. I could work as hard as I did because Hyuuga encouraged me.
#gingaman#seijuu sentai gingaman#sentai#super sentai#saya#hyuuga#trans!saya headcannon?????? trans!saya headcannon.#ft. pointy ears because i cannot and will not be stopped#i'm doing fine over here i promise 馃檪馃檭馃檪馃檭馃檪馃檭#its important to *throws up* its important for a warrior to know their flowers#(saya rebuffs anyone that insinuates she is interested in hyuuga romantically not because she's 'hiding the truth'#its because she's the only one that knows he's aro/ace thank you for coming to my ted talk)#i like to think that while the other boys were busy babysitting hikaru#saya was spending a lot of time with hyuuga#i could go on and on forever but instead i am going to go to bed lmao#please watch gingaman#2024 art tag
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chief seo showing up with a FUCKIN SWORD btw just so you all know if you even care
#chief seo hey its me your#Number One Fan#just letting you know um i'm free tonight haha#just throwing it out there#this is cool i'm fine#馃檭馃檭馃檭馃檭#the worst of evil#screencaps coming soon stay tuned
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doctober day 13: photo album
'an assortment of mini drawings will be easy,' they said... 'it will be quick,' they said e_e; anyway unlucky 13 means a bit late post ig! heres hoping it was worth the wait :P
bonus, bc i think he would lol:
#my arts#my sketchy wip arts#back to the future#bttf#doctober#doctober 2023#doc brown#emmett brown#clara clayton brown#jennifer parker#marty mcfly#einstein brown#copernicus brown#erhardt brown#jules brown#verne brown#doc literally hung up/talked to pics of scientists in his house so i think im justified in saying they go in the family album 鉁嬶笍#clara *a schoolteacher trying to homeschool her kids*: this is fine 馃檭#(side note the brown household is DEFINITELY babyproofed guys dont even worry abt it =3=)#anyway. things that were a pain in the butt: that pic of where the gravestone used to be. IT WAS SO HARD TO MAKE IT OBVIOUS WHAT IT WAS T_T#also i just really wanted to redraw the clock pic/that erhardt portrait really bad so hehehe this was a good excuse >:3c#also also 55 doc trying to read copernicus' mind before marty shows up. my beloved ;_;#and finally. rockstar marty :) if any lil guy deserves to live his dreams. its him <3#anyway YAH docs family <3333333 loves of my life fr <333
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i dont think i like it when books (or any media in general tbh) introduce characters with their gender and pronouns :|
Ann Leckie novels sort of did this? but in a way that didn't bother me. idk what the different is but when Val introduced himself in Once & Future I just. Kind of groaned about it. I don't remember details about Hell Followed With Us, but I think I felt similarly there? idk. It might also be a thing I personally have to unpack but for now :/
#bookbird babbles#ezra reads once and future#its fine so far its silly and fun#it reminds me of rick riordan novels#which is neither good nor bad it simply is#could also just be my brain is soup lmao#covid vax has been unkind to me 馃檭
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#ok im making one more dot post and then i am (hopefully) getting off tumblr and going to bed#liam payne#death#i do suggest not reading tbh because its just gonna be waffle. anyways#ive distanced myself from the boys for years for a multitude of reasons. mainly that they did things that disappointed me and i realised the#way i was attatched to them was unhealthy. so for the most part i listened and enjoyed the music and didnt pay Much attention to anything#else. and like liam. i always liked him in the band days because to me he was the underdog. the underappreciated and probs less stanned one#out of all of them. and when youre a fan i do feel like a lot of us just wanted them all to be appreciated. idk. but anyways yeah i did feel#for him. due to him backgroud growing up. his talent. etc etc. even though he wasnt my fav. and even when he did something wrong my teenage#self still defended him like my life depended on it. (embarassing) anyways. his solo music while it was not my fav i still occasionally#enjoyed. its just over produced pop like it was fine and i found it fun. in terms of him as an actual person by this point in his career i#didnt pay attention to him or the others that much anymore#and like. yeah as of recently as more stuff came out about him being kinda weird and rude and abusive 馃檭馃檭馃檭 that was kind of the final#straw for me! like in terms of me giving a fuck about him. if he eventually came around cool but i wasnt gonna wait around for it.#god this whole thing feels so dramatic but i need to get it oit or i Know i will not be at peace lmao anyways#so yeah come to hearing about his death which. i hear about because of trin lovell on twitter like. shsvshs. anyways my reaction was#disbelief and just... nothing? like i said in my brain i had just disregarded him honestly. and even now i still just feel speechless.#to summarise my feelings. fuck him for how he treated his ex and probably other women as well. but also. he was my boy. he'll always be a#part of me. and it feels weird that hes just. gone. he suffered a lot with addiction and pressures etc and its just. sad that hes gone now.#that he never got to get better. and he wont get the chance to. im sad for his family. and anyone else thats gonna be affected by this#im always gonna remember him.#and thats all i have to say. honestly part of me feels SO dramatic for even typing all this out but here we are.#if anyone has read this far and wants someone to talk to im more than happy. and also just wanna make clear that i am fine#le text post
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Just when I think the day's going well, I crash a golf cart
#summer camp tag#ace is a mess#i do not have a drivers license and i havent even been behind the wheel in like 4 years since i stopped lessons cus of the pandemic#the day was going fine i got loads done didnt feel like i was irritating my director too bad#doing some paperwork for her and she says when im done well take the golf cart out while its not currently raining#im like ooh fun never been in a golf cart before i see the higher up staff in them im not gonna say no to chilling in a golf cart#i did not realise that meant i would be driving esp when she asked if id been in one before and i said no#she then asked if i could drive and i said not really thought that would be it#cus i was supposed to be studying for my theory before working towards my practical#but no she insists im driving and first off i gotta reverse outta this bay now at least i didnt have to think about gears#but i hate tryna figure out how to turn whilst in reverse in mess with my brain im not great with shape visualisation#we do all our stops its fine for the most part a lil too fast going down some of the hills#and some tight turns but my turns were always like that cus im too busy focusing on the most immediate thing#we get back i park fine and then shes like oh actually there are some more stops we can make so i reverse and turn back out#do our two stops with only minimal confusion about direction then as i go to park into the bay we came from#shes like oh actually park in the bay closest to the health centre and what i should have done was reversed and adjusted my angle#instead i drove directly into the supporting beam separating the two bays 馃檭馃槶#i immediately turn the cart off and expect her to switch with me instead shes like laughing it off oh it was just a little bump it was fine#im like it was not that was a loud ass bang i feel so bad and then she lifts up the light cover i broke off saying its just a scratch#and i feel worse so pf course thats when the camp director comes out to check on the noise and i dont think ive ever worn a guiltier look#but theyre both laughing it off oh just having a little driving lesson :) and i am mortified#she gets back in the cart and shes still insisting that its fine and i should still park after that which i do with great trepidation#but there are no more problems and the lights still work but the cover does need fixing and i just oh my god#ive never crashed before never clipped or scratched a car so of course id crash the golf cart trying to park of all things 馃槶
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not me realizing what caused my flare up and why it hasnt gotten better 馃槶馃槶
#its my SHOES#the insoles r completely trodden down now and causing pain 馃槶馃槶馃槶馃拃#as if i can afford new ones this late in the sneakers season#i use skechers arch fit bcos theyre literally the only shoes ive tried that doesnt cause me massive pain from feet up to shoulders#and the insoles r done for now (which i feel is silly that i didnt realize sooner)#im looking @ alternative insoles for a lower price since the shoe itself is technically fine. but u cant buy the skechers insoles seperatel#(fuck u capitalism) but spending that kind of money on insoles that might not even work is also p terrifying tbh#ill see what i can do but for now im basically cuffed to the bed whenever i Dont have obligatory engagements with the irl outside world#my brain is sooooo fried i might as well be put in a medically induced coma 馃槶馃槶馃槶#arfids still rly bad too but tbh its easier now that i dont move a bunch? require less sustenance energy 馃檭馃檭馃槶#abyways sry for my rant. im holding out nd miss u all so so so much !!!!!!#these r the longest words ive written for a while. im surprised im so coherent rn#nohr.txt
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i'm this fucking close to walking out at work i fuckimg can't do this anymore
#they don't care about us#they don't respect us#they don't care about our safety#i can't#i can't fucking do it#i have been trying so hard to ignore the problems and focus on the good and it's been FOUR MONTHS#and i can't do this anymore#shelving units full of cans are going to fall on us#and the owners say 'they all wobbles like that its fine'#NO ITS FUCKING NOT ITS A SAFETY HAZARD#i'm leaving ealry today bc work is making me suicidal again 馃檭馃檭馃檭馃檭馃檭#i need to leave#i need anything else at this point#fuck#work rambles#ignore this#not stargate
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I'm sad and anxious - ask me anything! send horny anons! Bug me about my wips (you're never bugging me I love talking about my writing)!
#i tried to find a thing to reblog but my brains no working so good at the moment 馃檭#im fine you dont gotta freak out but a distraction would be lovely 馃挏#its lusty lords day its a day for thirst not anxiety!
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Hira's year in medical review:
Me, August 2023: *experiencing extreme fatigue, fainting spells, mood swings, sudden and drastic increase of suicidal thoughts, and intense hair loss*
P.A: let's do blood work
Me: ok!
Bloodwork: *normal except for prolactin*
Doctor: sometimes that's a fluke so let's retest
Me: ok
Bloodwork: *exactly the same*
Doctor: your values are higher than normal range, but not high enough to be in range for a pituitary gland tumor.
(P.A: go see an endocrinologist and get an MRI, that might be indicative of a pituitary gland tumor.) <- bless this person and only this person in particular
Endocrinologist, seen earliest available which was January 2024: *wants to retest blood work instead of ordering an MRI*
Me: ... ok
Bloodwork: *the same*
Me: can we please do an MRI now?
Endocrinologist: Well. Your values are above the normal limit, but it's highly unlikely that's it's a pituitary gland tumor because they are not high enough for that. Let's retest blood work in four months.
Me: ...................... ok
Bloodwork, May 2024: *THE SAME*
Endocrinologist: hmm, I recommend an MRI
Me: *gesturing angrily*
MRI, June 2024: 馃帀 pituitary gland tumor 馃帀
Doctor, when I went in for something else: I doubt your endocrinologist will want to treat that, we typically don't treat adenomas that small
Endocrinologist, who took 3 weeks to review my results: I recommend just monitoring. It's highly unlikely that this is causing your symptoms, it's too small for that.
Me, July 2024:
#like im sorry but 'highly unlikely' =/= 'impossible'#sure it might be rare but like thats not a reason not to check it out???#idk wtf is with this resistance to treat it#like SO WHAT if in the majority of people a microadenoma of that size doesnt cause symptoms?? all individuals are different#like y'all didnt even think i had one because it was atypical presentation so maybe that's the case with my symptoms too#what would it hurt to do meds for it?#if i do meds to shrink it and my symptoms resolve; great!#if i do meds and my symptoms dont resolve? thats also great! it means we've ruled one thing out#and can continue exploring why THE FUCK my body is acting the way it is#why wouldn't you want to rule things out if you can?????#the healthcare in this country is so fucking broken#its been almost a year since i went in for my symptoms and still no resolution#ive lost about 2/3 of my hair at this point. ill probably have to chop it off if it keeps going like this#not even gonna talk about the fatigue#nor gonna talk about my sis's current experience where an untreated infection (not for lack of her trying to get it treated!)#is potentially now developing into something more serious. like kidney stuff. 馃檭#(and they apparently have no record of the labs she submitted 馃檭馃檭 so she's gotta go do it all over again otherwise they wont give her meds)#it's okay. its just nausea to the point she hasn't really eaten in days and constant pain and dizziness. difficulty standing#but its fine right lmao#ughhh#dont mind me im just frustrated beyond everything and need to yell into my little corner of the void#withoutwords
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Just finished She-Ra Princesses of Power and I'm sad to say that clearly this fandom is not for me 馃槄
#i found the ending to be abrupt... really couldve used an epilogue#went to AO3 and it was mostly Adora/Catra stuff which is fine but their romantic relationship was kinda ??? for me?#and i was not actually expecting glimmer and bow to confess???#then i went to tumblr and its full of people bashing catadora and people bashing people who bash catadora#like. guess thats the end of She-Ra for me 馃檭
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