#its definitely an ocd thing .but because i havent been treated for my ocd and researching can make it worse sometimes

[shleemies]

>need to go through my loops before bed which can take hours

> need to cut my looping short because I need to sleep to wake up early tomorrow

>resume looping because I'm not done so I can't sleep

>need to sleep so try to stop looping

>okay time to sleep

>resume looping because I'm not done so I can't sleep

>need t

[writers-get-biters]

sooooo tired of feeling bad and shitty and stuck and miserable

fuck my relationship ocd i hate it so much and also fuck being forced to do stuff i dont want by people i dont want to be with sometimes (like now )they get into some sort of fucked up loop where i feel miserable because of stuff in my brain and then theres external stuff which also fucks it up more so then my disabilities become more disabling because obviously and then i get blamed and hurt more externally because of my disabilities that are not! my! fault! and then of course that makes internal shit worse so then im just stuck in the middle forced to pretend shit doesnt suck and actually im fine and actually everythings fine keep being "jokingly" mean to me and pushing my boundaries i dont care i get it its actually really okay if you say something to me that most other people i know offline wouldnt consider mean even though i have told you to stop its okay if you dont stop i guess i guess its fine if no one listens to me and i have to sit in miserable silence by myself because i dont even feel like doing anything that any of my ceters enjoy like drawing or our data entry projects or video games or writing and it doesnt matter i guess that im so stressed because since its from an arbitrary authoritative institution everyone is supposedly fine with that makes it totally okay and actually the real problem is me and i guess im the problem and reason why no one wants to talk to me or communicate with me the way i want to be talked to or otherwise communicated with yeah my bad i guess its all my fault and im supposed to just suck it up and stop complaining and also its creepy and wrong and bad i guess for me to try to cope with any of this the way that i want to and i guess yeah i need to and should be keeping it a secret because otherwise ill make everyone else uncomfortable and thats the worst possible outcome btw no person left behind unless its me in which case utilitarianism is always right and we cant give a shit about everyone yk like someone is always going to be miserable but we should prioritize the most people so if i mention kink (ew) or my other interests (ew) im a horrible really bad person actually because im making other people (more important than me. btw) uncomfortable and upset also i should ignore the fact that i am systematically and systemically being isolated from and kept away from people who might actually show understanding and kindness towards me or be in a similar position and extend the kind of support i desperately need but its cool because you keep saying youre only doing that because im "better than them" and actually youre helping me because "those people" are bad and wrong and harmful and they might make me (simultaneously innocent and guilty) do bad things like drugs that might offer a chance to alleviate some of my pain or transition to a bodymind i& want or be angry or just generally be a "bad person" and not be able to participate in the joys of continuing the chain of oppression and harm. but its fine because its for my benefit actually because you frame it as ""those people" have it so hard and theyre so unlucky (because theyre treated like shit by everyone which is true because people's actions are definitely a matter of "luck") and i just want to spare you from that" how kind of you wow youre so sweet and nice to me right now because i havent violated any of your rules yet what a great person you are because you let me be myself to a certain extent (a tiny little eensy-weensy extent but thats fine because its more than i deserve anyway) and since im being invited to participate in the continuation of oppression and pain it would be pretty rude for me to say no and if i did say no it would definitely justify treating me badly and doing all of the things you do to "those people" to me because im technically actually even worse than "those people" because i could have been normal i could have just accepted your rules (that were literally killing me to follow) (not that you noticed)

and also on the other hand the people arguing against you get to use me as their fun little trick-up-their-sleeve because obviously its ridiculous to treat someone like me the way that you have and will and i can be used as a perfect little pawn

[the ceter who wrote this switched out around here, but before they did, it asked that the others of us post this vent anyway if they were unable to finish or post it]

[spidermanifested]

for “give me a character”: scar fma!!!!

TEARS MY SHIRT IN HALF LIKE JERMA985.

how i feel about this character:

i need to FEED HIM DINNER and TAKE HIM TO A CAT CAFE and PAY FOR HIS THERAPY BILLS

hes everything. he did not deserve a single second of how the main characters treated him. Hes gods strongest ocd warrior and the king of adidas sweatpants and i need to get my fanfiction done so i can give him an epilogue where he has so many friends and two dozen adopted cats and he can gradually transform into a bear in peace

all the people i ship romantically with this character

its So fucked up to me. that scar/greed hasnt taken a foothold anywhere in the past 20 years of this series existing. the possibilities are incredible. you have two people from very different backgrounds on the run from the same government who can never go home again. theyre also, for one reason or another, loath to bite the bullet and call somewhere *new* their home. (wont it just be taken away again? can anything really be permanent for someone like them? do they even belong with humans at all? And So On)

despite these parallels the fronts they put up to protect themselves are WILDLY different. scar would definitely be put off at first by how arrogant and airheaded greed can seem, not to mention his origins and their opposing feelings on chimeras. their stated goals are very different too

but the thing about greed is that. Well. hes SO hard to actively dislike for very long. if you observe him for Any length of time the reality of the type of person he is just clicks and everything gets cast in a new light. scar is very observant! he would get it! and then he would regret getting it. but be incapable of un-getting it. itd be terrible and awesome

& Also, scar is notoriously extremely susceptible to people who decide that they want to hang out with him simply doing so. greed is nothing if not a barnacle of a man. and to top it all off, we have the CANONICAL fact that the first time he sees scar hes like "waow :)"

aside from those two. uhhhhh in my fanfiction scar and bido have had had One conversation alone at night during which they started doing sentimental hand touching without my really intending that, to happen, so. i cant help but Think About It. bido being a chimera-- and a visibly nonhuman one at that-- is a uniquely interesting thing to put next to all of scars Bodily Transmutation Woes i think, and hes also not one to shy away from vocally supporting his friends and i think thatd be good for scar. i dont think circumstances will allow these guys to pass beyond the border of "weird unstated quasiplatonic throuple" in the fic proper, but, maybe . If i put it out into the world. others will see my vision, and run with it... we may only dream.....

i havent watched that far in 03 yet but him and lust Specifically in that version seems preddy good! and then my goofy one is scar/dolcetto. because of adidas

my non-romantic otp for this character

HIM AND MEI!!!!!!!!!!! the best friends of all TIME. im still adamant that their relationship is VERY SPECIFICALLY that of a new step- or adoptive dad and his teenage daughter whos already extremely self sufficient so he doesnt really know what to do for her parenting-wise, but she immediately starts telling him all the drama from school and using him for eyeliner practice and they are both satisfied with this arrangement. theyd both kill a man for each other. it rules

plus i cant not include greed and bido as his co-uncle-buddies in a platonic way as well. because im entrenched in my au and its real to me. marcoh and yoki are there too i guess

my unpopular opinion about this character

he should be legally allowed to do what ever he wants 👍 and its good tjat he killed all those people

one thing i wish had happened in canon

uhhh. mei should have been shown defending him more and not just as a joke. his actions should have been framed as justified and sympathetic instead of having to sit there and get chastised by a bunch of 15 year olds and cops. he should not have been made to work with the military in the first place. wish he got to reclaim his name even if we the audience never get to learn it. and finally every military character he had to interact with should have had to write him a personal letter of apology and given him three hundred thousand dollars