#its cute they grow all the fruit he uses in their massive garden

[mmmatchasims]

[astaroth1357]

Demigod MC Series: Demeter

Have I been using this series to vicariously punish Belphie for the events of Season 1? I cannot confirm nor deny that statement.

Demigod MC Series: Intro, Aphrodite, Hermes, Hades, Dionysus, Demeter

Lucifer

Didn't think too much of the "human" when they popped out of the portal. Sure they had a straw hat and a huge basket full of produce but it wasn’t like they were… Wait… No… Were they…?

Oh no. Oh nonononono, this is not good…!!

Demeter is notoriously doting and protective of her children (see her freakout and breakdown after Hades abducted of Persephone as proof) and they've pretty much done the EXACT. SAME. THING. here!!

It was a mad scramble by him and Diavolo to contact and appease their godly Mother Bear before she came roaring down to Devildom herself to turn them all into barley. Thankfully, Zeus must have intervened at some point because though she was indeed PISSED, she didn't threaten to barge in… yet.

She made one thing very clear. Bend so much as a single hair on her precious child's head and there would be WAR…

The MC received a 24 hour security detail after that. Just Mammon wasn't going to cut it, he needed NO chances. It was a full rotation of Mammon, him and Beel for the entirety of their stay (Asmo and Levi both threw hissy fits at the prospect of babysitting, Satan couldn’t be trusted not to kill them just to irritate him, and Belphie was out for… obvious reasons).

In some ways, it wasn’t so bad. The MC was a very mild sort of person, rather even tempered. He’d dare say they were pleasant, mostly content to just tend to their gardens and be out in the moonlight…

But the problem was, he just could not convince them to stay OUT of nature. Including the forests, which were full of hellish beasts fully intent on gnawing their flesh from their bones… and their specialty was plants, not animals, sooo…

Their habit of sneaking out to wander the woods got so bad that he very nearly considered pulling a Belphie 2 and locking them in the basement for their own good. But Devil knows what damage their mother would do if she found out…

At least they make for pleasant company… And Diavolo seems to like them quite a bit himself so the mortal gets a pass from him. Now if they’d only consider their own safety for a change…

Mammon

They make him a KILLING.

Like, no seriously. Their produce is insane!! He’s never tasted food so good, especially stuff that’s come fresh from the ground! It only took a few berries for Mammon to throw on a straw hat himself and start harvesting! He’s a farmer now, baby!!

Weeellll not quite. He’s still absolutely only in it for the money, but anything he brings to a farmer’s market goes so fast that he can hardly care about the labor! He’s never made this much Grimm in his life!! And it’s totally legit for a change!

He bought himself another car, paid off half of his debt, and even got Levi back that 2 or 3 grand he leant him centuries ago. Really, Mammon’s living his best life and it’s all thanks to MC!

It’s a good thing his blatant grifting doesn’t hurt his relationship with them at all, in fact they seem to enjoy having his help regardless. They bring him drinks on hot days or invite him on picnics and stuff, it’s… it’s really sweet. They’re very nice to him and he appreciates it…

But… COULD YA JUST STAY PUT ALREADY???

It drives him INSANE that they won’t stay out of dangerous places!! After he started caring about them for more than just a meal ticket it only got even worse!!

He’s not usually one for monitoring someone’s every move (that kind of control freak behavior is more a Lucifer thing) but he eventually had to set up familiars around the House just to keep them from sneaking out at night...

What was so interesting out there anyway?? There wasn’t any kind of plant that he could bring them himself! They didn’t have any need to be out there!! 

They’d keep telling him they’d be fine but it’s not like he’s going to actually buy that. They were too… nice to be dangerous or anything so why would he believe them?

No more running off, MC! Please, he’s beggin’ ya!!

Leviathan 

Wait, gardening? Like, being outdoors and stuff? Ew. No thanks, he’ll pass.

That was more or less his first reaction when they showed up and it never really got much better than that…

He admits that they’re friendly and it’s not like he dislikes them or anything, but their thing so far from his thing that they just don’t have a lot in common… you know?

For starters, they get So. Antsy. when they’re inside for too long! He tried to invite them to a marathon once, but they could hardly keep still and kept looking around like they were searching for a window… He said, “to jump out of.” They insisted just for some fresh air, but he didn’t buy it...

They’re nice enough to listen to his rants, but they’re barely ever inside for him to do so and like HELL is he going to leave his room and stand around out there for that long. Ranting is at least a one to two hour engagement! What if he gets hot out there? And have you SEEN Devildom bees?? Hell no!!

He has, however, asked them on multiple occasions to reproduce flowers he’s seen in different anime, especially ones that have a very unique look and they’ve done some real wonders with that!

He can now claim to be the only person to ever own a Ruby-Jade Vine plant, straight from the pages of TSL when it was used to brew tea for the Lord of Lechery during his brief illness and-is anyone even still listening anymore?

The point is, it’s a flower so rare it was imaginary but now HE has it!... or had it for about a week until his utter incompetence of all things plant killed it…

He begged the MC for another but they were out of the plants they needed to make it and would have to go back to the human world to find more… He’s still mourning his loss… Poor Henry 4.0…

Satan

Well… He’s called this MC “salt of the Earth” and he does truly mean it. Take of that what you will.

He doesn’t get much in the way of intellectual conversation out of this mortal UNLESS he’s talking about plants, farming, or botany… Interesting topics and complex in their own right to be sure, but that’s pretty much their wheelhouse and they like it there.

That being said, the feats that they can perform are genuinely mind-blowing! They are the ONLY person he has ever met who can cultivate the Devildom’s own ultra-rare Phantom Orchid, a plant only blooms when it reaches a perfect state of undeath (i.e. both taken care of and neglected just enough so that it's only barely alive. The balance is so tricky to master that one hasn’t bloomed down there for centuries!)

There’s also something just genuinely relaxing about watching them work or helping them in the gardens… More so than he’d ever expected from such a simple activity.

He admits that he’s taken quite a few strolls through the flower-filled courtyard of the Demon Lord’s Castle just to admire its beauty... But anything that they can grow just blows all of that out of the water!

They even taught him several magic botanical techniques so now he can grow some pretty mad plants himself. Lucifer never expected to find that giant Venus Flytrap in his closet, but one was there regardless. 😏

Just… out of curiosity one day, he asked the MC if they could make him a new kind of catnip. Not for any nefarious reason! You know… just for research purposes…

The nip they made was so effective that the House grounds were FILLED with nipped-up cats for a whole month! He was in Heaven!! (and Lucifer practically wiped those plants from existence so he couldn’t get any more… asshole...)

That must have inspired them because they apparently made a demons-only version that they told him about WELL after the fact. Had he known, he probably would have burned the stuff on principle... Do you know how dangerous demon-nip could be to them? Experiment responsibly, MC!

Asmodeus 

Ehhhh, gardening SOUNDS like one of those things that should be super Devilgram-able, but then you realize how sweaty and dirty you get in the process and it’s a huge turn off… Sorry MC.

When they first came down to the Devildom, he thought two things: 1) Such a sweet little flower child, as adorable as they were, would never survive; and 2) even if they could, he would never ever see eye-to-eye with them on the “wonders” of getting all up in the dirt.

Well, he was right about 2, but certainly not 1. Personally, he thinks his brothers worry about them too much, they ARE still a demigod.

At one point he saw a pack of hellhounds almost trample one of their vegetable gardens and they lost it. Word to the wise, never try to take on a child of Demeter in their own garden. Those hounds were wrapped up in rose vines before they could even yelp...

Yeah, the MC would be fine.

That being said, while everybody else clamors over their produce, he thinks that their flowers are really where it’s at!

Taking just five minutes in one of their gardens is something else... He’s never seen blossoms as healthy and immaculate in all the Devildom before! Their beauty could (almost) rivals his own! What they do isn’t just a hobby, it’s an art.

He’s taken multiple pictures with their blossoms and they go viral every time. It’s so rare to actually see gorgeous, petal-filled flowers in the Devildom, most of the native plants are of the man-eating variety.

His only complaint about this MC is that they seem to feel much more at home in work clothes and dirt than they do in any sort of party-look he tries to give them… Cute as they are, they can afford to gussy up sometimes can’t they? Mud and grass stains don’t make for a good look, sorry.

Beelzebub 

Beel gardens and the MC gardens as well. Add on that they seem to be able to grow all manner of fruits and veggies and he likes this one. A lot.

They had just finished apple-picking when the portal nabbed them so they had a massive basket of apples at the time. Naturally, Beel more or less stole the thing on sight, but the apples inside were so juicy and good that he almost shook them down for more on the spot!

Imagine his surprise when they, half pleadingly, explained to him that if he got them some seeds they could just grow more… and it wouldn’t even take that long.

To be clear, the formula he saw was this: Get seeds > bring seeds to mortal > mortal grows seeds > mortal makes endless supply of food….

Congratulations MC, you’ve now earned the sixthborn’s eternal loyalty after a grand total of… two minutes. He didn’t even know their name, but he was willing to take a bullet for them (provided he got more of those apples).

The next several months were spent with Beel attached to them to the hip in some way, but honestly? It was just so wholesome anyway…

If he’s helping in the garden, he never complains. He does most of the heavy lifting and actually likes being out there with them (unlike others...)

Many afternoons were spent sitting under fruit trees and talking. Sometimes, they go to the trouble of preparing a picnic or something but it would always inevitably end with Beel plucking the whole tree clean of whatever ripe (or unripe) fruit he can get his hands on with a smile. 

The MC never minded though. That’s just another excuse to grow more, right?

His only problem was when the MC would sneak out to the forest… especially when they get too antsy and just go alone. 

He HATES it when they do that! How is he supposed to keep them safe if they just wander off?? He knows that they have a special connection to nature and all, but it isn’t safe…

He’s flown in and scooped them back up to the House on numerous occasions and his “talking tos” get sterner after every rescue... Please stay put, MC! He’d have so many reasons to be sad if you were eaten�� 😔

Belphegor 

Okay, he was looking for a capable, if not gullible, human. Not a shoeless flower hippy!

He honestly wasn't expecting much out of this one... Damn their little heart because they did genuinely believed his lies, it’s just that they weren't… well… They were really good at gardening.

… And it grew kind of hard to keep hating them whenever they'd show up just to give him fresh berries or a bouquet to see him smile… He may claim that his heart is made of nightmares and orphan tears, but who doesn’t enjoy being given a batch of flowers? 

Damn their sweetness too… Right to here.

When it came time to kill them he had a heavier heart than he thought he would, but kind of saw it like putting down the sacrificial lamb. Gotta be done to reach better goals... Stiff upper lip and all that.

Unfortunately for him, they had taken to carrying packets of demon-nip with them as a self-defense measure…

He wasn’t exactly sure what he expected when they shouted “Get nipped!” at him mid-attack, but it wasn’t a face full of some smelly herb! Like, really smelly…! Actually, that smelt kind of good… Hold on.

Turns out murderous rage really doesn’t last long after you get what is effectively ultra-strong catnip thrown in your face. They ended up having to go and tell Lucifer what happened themselves because Belphie was way too blissed out on the floor to do anything... They were legitimately worried they might have fried his brain...

He’s told the effects of the demon-nip lasted three days. He doesn’t know, because he hardly remembers any of it... They described him as like he was high on “weed” and “ecstasy” at the same time but he doesn’t know what either of those are either so it wasn’t helpful…

Truthfully, they were so nice to him while he was recovering that he couldn’t even be mad afterwards so all's well that ends well? Either way, he’s sleeping under their orchard trees from now on. It’s peaceful out there...

They burnt all that nip though. It’s some strong stuff...

[nonasidesstuff]

the dimension travel au

aka Virgil’s terrible, horrible, no good, very bad week

so this is like half bullet fic half outline half word vomit but here it is!

this is based on a set of art drawn by @greenninjagal-blog that you can find here with the original version of this au

i dont mind if anyone wants to use any of these ideas just tag me/send me a link if you do!

this got SUPER LONG so its going under a cut

ok lets start with

virgil

his world is medieval-with-magic

the magic here tends to take on different elemental forms depending on the user

people who use magic are called witches

his is storm based (lightning, rain, wind, etc) and is good for both offense (shooting fucking LIGHTNING at someone is great in a fight) and gardening (the ability to call rain at will is pretty nice)

he can also make potions but in his world ANYONE with magic can make potions

the thing is,,,,, magic is illegal in the kingdom he lives in

so when he found out he had magic at like age 11 he fucked off in the middle of the night

he found another witch (a water witch) fairly soon after he left and they taught him how to control his powers and how to make potions

also how to hunt bc hed planned on living out of cities

5 years later hes 16 and has learned all he could and leaves to go to the woods in the middle of nowhere

his teacher had told him about a cottage they had built in a clearing in the woods and said he could go there bc they were leaving the kingdom

they left behind a lot of books on magic and he learned more reading those

the cottage was actually in pretty good shape? the roof was a little leaky but the furniture inside was fine

the outside was a nightmare though. overgrown plants all over

as the years went on he restored the area around the cottage and found a bunch of neat stuff

like a vegetable garden that had been overgrown and wild but still had healthy plants he could cultivate for food. there were also some spice plants that had gone out of control that he harvested and dried for later use

he found out the woods around his home were full of berries (wild strawberries and blackberries. shhhhhh idc if they dont grow in the same places this is a Magic World) and discovered that one of the trees in the clearing was actually an apple tree so yay fruit!!!!

so he was living the good life

cut to 3 years later

hes 19 now and a full-blown weather witch and potion maker

he has sectioned off his garden into 3 parts: spices, vegetables, and potions ingredients

unfortunately some ingredients just wont grow well in a garden and have to be harvested from the wild

virgil realizes hes running low on a couple of said ingredients and decides to make a run to the patches of potion herbs he knows of

he only gets halfway there

a swirling blue-and-yellow vortex opens up 20 feet in the air to the right of him and something falls out

something human shaped

holy shit its a PERSON

he rushes over to make sure this person is okay and.

they have reddish brown fox ears?????

and a reddish brown and grey tail????????

he pokes one of the ears and it twitches

holy shit theyre REAL????!!!!!!!!!

he gathers up this person and takes them home

he puts the strange person in his bed and tends to the minor injuries they obtained from falling 20 feet

this is when he realizes that this person is dressed,,,,,, very strangely

now, people in virgil’s world have some freedom in what they can wear. they can wear whatever the FUCK they want. virgil is partial to dresses and skirts himself

but what this person is wearing is different. the material was like nothing hed ever seen before and in a strange style

(it suits him. its really cute)

he slept for a little over 9 hours

(virgil slept on the floor)

and when he woke he was disoriented and woozy

so he ate a small meal and drank some water and fell back to sleep for another couple hours

when he wakes again, he feels much better and is able to introduce himself

“I’m Patton Baker! Where am I?”

patton

his world is like if you took every single magical girl/boy anime out there and mashed it into one world.

so its chaotic

theres aliens/demons/monsters attacking every other week

this attracts magical creatures like a magnet and they start giving magical girls/boys powers. these are called magical guardians

these people are public figures and are treated the same way idols are in our world (not allowed boyfriends/girlfriends etc)

its a tough job

patton became a magical boy when he was 14 and has been for the past 3 years

the powers his magical guardian are able to give are based off of endangered or threatened animals (yes im sort of copying tokyo mew mew shhhhhhhhhh)

patton became infused with the dna of the island fox

his transformation is triggered by a small tattoo-like marking given to him by his guardian. it’s on the base of his neck

he Absolutely has a magical girl transformation

when he’s transformed, he has the ears and tail of an island fox as well as claw-like nails. his hair is the reddish-brown of the fox and his eyes are silver

his outfit is light blue with silver and white accents and dark blue sleeves

when detransformed he has blond hair and blue eyes

his magical boy weapon is a bow that he can shoot arrows of light from

his group was based out of florida and has been going strong for about 15 years. magical teens come and go as they gain their powers and retire or, tragically, lose their lives fighting

at the moment there are six people including patton

their most recent foe is a monster that has the ability to make people and things disappear, and they’re not sure what happens to them

theyre fighting this thing at night when it happens. the creature has already taken the streetlights out and the teens are fighting in heavy darkness. patton, who has better night vision due to his fox genes, sees the monster about to grab the leader, and strongest, of their group

and he makes a choice

he pushes her out of the way and gets grabbed by the monster instead.

there’s a single moment of searing pain and then the world dissolves into swirling lights and dizziness

when he wakes he’s in a strange house. he introduces himself and the person who’s taking care of him introduces himself

he’s told he fell out of some sort of portal and virgil tries to help him figure out where he is in relation to his home but. virgil doesnt recognize any of the places patton is talking about. and patton doesnt recognize any of the ones virgil says

virgil asks patton about the fact that He Is Part Fox and patton talks about the magical system back home and thats when they realize theyre dealing with dimension travel

patton stays in bed for the rest of the day and by the next hes feeling much better! so he helps virgil around the house and they get to know each other

the day after that, virgil remembers that he really needs those herbs, so he tells pat hes going out for a bit to gather them

he gets about a quarter of the way there when Another Portal Opens and dumps out a person. this time right in front of him

this person is also wearing odd

clothing, but in a different style than pattons

he checks to make sure theyre not injured (they knocked their head a bit but other than that seem fine) and carries them back home

the person is unconscious in virgil’s bed for a couple of hours longer than patton was, but he wakes up entirely coherent

he introduces himself as “logan croft”

logan

his world is one full of magic

magical creatures of all sorts live there and magic is a welcome part of society

there’s elves, fairies, merfolk, unicorns, any you can think of

magical schools are also big parts of it

people who have mastered their magic to the highest degree are called mages

everyone else are called wizards

the way magic works in this world is with spells (think harry potter but without wands)

some people are born with more magic than others and as such have a harder time controlling it when it manifests at around 10

so theyre sent to magic schools where they learn how to safely do so

if they want to stay at these schools after they learn control then they move on to higher forms of magical education to continue learning

logan is one of these students

he was born with a MASSIVE amount of magic and when it manifested he. accidentally leveled his house

everyone was fine!!!!!!! but the poor boy had absolutely no control

so he stayed at a school for people with high amounts of magic and by the time he was 13 he had enough control to leave if he wanted to

of course this being logan he Absolutely wanted to keep learning so he moved on

he was so good actually that he ended up in the best magic academy in the world

he consistently learned magic at a faster rate than his peers and so by the time he was 18 (people normally didnt until they were like 21/22) he was a mage in all but name

so he was ready to take his mage exam

the mage exam is considered both easy and the hardest and most dangerous thing you could do

its easy in the fact that you only have to cast a spell correctly

its hard and dangerous bc its a spell that NO ONE outside of historians have ever seen before and you only have 10 minutes to memorize it. things go wrong Frequently

needless to say there arent many mages and people tend to either quit before reaching that stage or fail

and failure can be painful

so logan decides to take the mage exam

the spell they are given is a long string of words dug out of an ancient book of spells and historians arent entirely sure what it does

so ofc its given to the best in the academy

logan takes his ten minutes to memorize the spell and begins chanting

now in this world, when spells are used a runic circle made of light appears under the person casting

small spells have small circles and bigger spells have larger and brighter ones

the one this spell called forwards was massive and so bright that it blinded the exam practitioners (i think thats the word?)

when the light died down logan was gone

theyre unsure whether it went right or wrong but unfortunately theres no trace of where logan had gone so theres no way to see

when he wakes hes somewhere he doesnt recognize and is being taken care of by two people

they all introduce themselves and logan gets the story about what happened to him

and he realizes hes in a different dimension with different magical rules

naturally he wants to learn everything

so he and virgil have long discussions about the differences in their magic systems

(with patton chiming in every once in a while with how bonkers magical girl powers are)

after logan gets back on his feet virgil really REALLY needs those herbs and so he decides to go back out

logan tags along this time bc he wants to see the differences between the flora and fauna of this new world

they get about half way there and once again.

a portal opens

its light blue and yellow

virgil goes “jesus christ AGAIN??????? am i a MAGNET for these things??????????”

and a person falls out

theyre another animal person. this time with scales covering the side of their face and down their arms

virgil and logan carry this whole other person back home and as soon as they walk in

patton is like “janus????!!!!!”

janus

turns out

janus is from pat’s world!!!! and the same mg group!!!!!

he became a magical boy about a year before pat did and was merged with the dna of a golden lancehead viper

so hes been a mg for like 4 years

his outfit is white with yellow bows and a black cape thing with a yellow inside. his scales are bright yellow and his eyes are heterochromatic. one is a normal eye (brown) and the other is a bright gold color with a snake-like pupil

his marking is on the inside of his left wrist

his weapon is a set of knives made of light that he can call at will and either slash with or throw

he and patton got along rather well in the current time

in the past, they,,,, didnt

it wasnt violent but they were kinda snippy at each other and janus was aggressively sarcastic which pat Did Not Appreciate

but after working together for a few years they got to know each other better and saw each other through low points in their lives and became close

janus was still a sarcastic little shit but now its more playful

he likes to suggest “pushing it down a flight of stairs” for any problem

“man i have a big math test tomorrow with a mean teacher that i didnt study for im screwed”

“push it down the stairs”

“the teacher or the test?”

“yes”

he will also aggressively remind you that Self Care Is Good And Needed

(“patton youve been patrolling for hours every night this week. go sleep”

“but i-“

“go 👏 to 👏 sleep 👏”

“bu-“

“go sleep or im going to knock you unconscious and THEN youll sleep”

“ok fine”)

anyways the dimension monster came back and despite the whole group being more careful, it got janus

luckily (to every one else) this time they managed to defeat it

once again, the pain of dimensional travel fucking SUCKED and janus was unconscious for about as long as patton was

he woke and ate a small meal and fell back asleep for like an hour

when he woke up that time he was shocked and happy to see patton

they reunite and everyone gets to know each other over the next couple days

and then virgil remembers that he STILL HASNT GOTTEN HIS HERBS and they all decide to tag along when he leaves to get them

virgil just like sighs and said “nothing better happen this time i swear to god-“

and they make it most of the way there!!!!! virgil feels a little hope!!!!

then another portal opens

its red and green

(virgil: “GODDAMMIT”)

this time TWO people fall out

the group gather up the two portal people and take them home to heal bc

holy shit they are in bad condition

theyre unconscious for a solid 2 days

Roman and remus

their world is BAD yall

the world is very scientifically advanced, and a group if scientists decided that they wanted to prove the existence of alternate universes

and they did!

but they accidentally opened a portal to a hell dimension and they couldnt close it

so the whole world became an apocalyptic nightmare

this happened when the twins were 15

theyve been surviving on their own in an apocalyptic hellscape for just over 4 years now

remus is the close range fighter with a variety of Large Sharp Knives and roman hangs back and snipes the ones going in for remus’ blind spots with a modified rifle. or if he has to fight closer range he has a modified pistol

roman also is the one to carry their medical supplies bc remus did Once and never will again

they travel together bc even though they cant stand each other some days (remus makes gross comments a Lot and roman likes to complain about the lack of conditioner)

(roman once found an old bottle of perfume and dumped it on remus’ head. in retaliation, when they were relatively safe remus found a dead squirrel and chased roman around with it for a solid 15 minutes)

theyre still twins and theyre all each other have left

currently, roman and remus are running from a creature that caught them off guard while they were sleeping

it had managed to get a few good hits on them before they managed to fight back so they both have a couple injuries

roman has a long slice down his arm and remus has some real bad claw marks down his back

the two of them find a building they can hide in while they wait for the creature to move on and discover that its some sort of science lab

they decide to explore for a bit bc they have 0 braincells between the two of them

what they dont realize is that this is one of the labs that the scientists were using to build their dimensional machines

what they do realize is that the monster found them and it starts chasing them through the facility

the two of them are in really bad shape

malnourished after living on just what they can find for 4 years, both bleeding profusely from open wounds and various injuries from other run-ins with the creatures

they arent able to run as fast as they usually are able and so they get cornered in a room with a large machine

they back up to it to stay away as long as they can and

one of them presses a button

the machine behind them whirrs to life and the two are sucked into a portal oh so similar to the one that ruined the lives of everyone on their world

roman wakes first

he wasnt hurt as badly as remus so the portal didnt take as much out of him as remus

everyone introduces themselves and roman has the his first full meal in. a long time

(he might cry a lil bit but shhhhhhh)

and now that hes awake, virgil can give him a potion to help speed up his healing

thats when romans like “holy shit MAGIC?????”

bc there was none on his world

and they all talk and get to know each other

(the other four are Horrified at how awful his world was

bc like, patton and janus’ wasnt very good either but it wasnt an apocalypse

the next day virgil leaves logan in charge and FINALLY goes and gets his GODDAMN HERBS

nothing happens this time :)

and when he gets back remus is awake

hes fed and virgil gets him a potion too

the two heal and just kind of marvel at the fact theyre safe for the first time in years

also that theres GODDAMN MAGIC!!!!!!!!!!

they still can’t believe theres actual magic

the five dimension hoppers eventually meet thomas, virgil’s talking magic cat

(virgil: “he can think and talk like a human hes not my cat”

thomas: “im totally your cat stop denying it”)

he decided to wander around the forest for a while (he does this often) and only got back after all of the portal shit ended

he is the only cat with magic and says he ALSO fell out of a portal but it was a few years before he met virgil

i dont really know what happens after this

maybe they go try to figure out how to get home?

maybe they decide to stay and live in the woods for the rest of their lives

 maybe they decide “you know what? FUCK the government” and stage a coup to make magic legal

 whichever it is definitely has a lot of found family goodness

can you tell i started running out of steam like 3/4 of the way through

[everlarkbirthdaygifts]

Happy Birthday, jbsaucy!

Today, we wish a Happy belated Birthday to @jbsaucy! We hope you had a wonderful day back on Nov 16, and celebrated in style. To bring the Birthday feels back around, @ally147writes has written a story just for you!

AN: I am so sorry for the delay, @jbsaucy! The ending would just not cooperate with me at all! I took your soulmates au prompt, then found a wonderfully extensive list of soulmate scenarios on one of those OTP prompt blogs on here, and picked one that really tickled me to write - I hope you’ll like it, too, even if it does get a tad dramatic in the middle :)

Unedited and unbeta’d - please forgive any glaring errors.

Katniss

Cool

The plants growing on the trellises on either side of the garden path reach out to her with tiny, curling trails. Not enough to be a hindrance, Katniss thinks as she kicks another tendril off her ankle, but to play. The plants never respond this well to her. That’s more Prim’s thing. They tug at the end of her braid and curl around her fingers. Some tear the ripe fruits from their vines and hold them out to her until she sees fit to take them. Kind of cute, maybe, if she gave a crap.

“Uh, thanks?”

 She stows the plants’ offerings in her satchel bag, alongside the rest of the herbs she foraged from the nearby woods, and trudges up the path towards the small cottage she shares with Prim. A steady plume of smoke billows from the chimney. Lavender, vetivert, and chamomile; a sleeping potion Prim often prescribes her patients.

 She yawns as soon as she steps inside. Has Prim’s sleeping concoction always been so strong?

 “How’d you go?” Prim calls from the kitchen.

 “Fine, I guess. I found the wild strawberries you were after.” She kicks her boots off near the door and makes her way into the kitchen. “The plants are friendly today.”

 “Really? They were kind of quiet when I was—” Prim looks up from her slow, constant stirring, glances out the garden-facing kitchen window, and drops her ladle with a splash. “— Holy crap, Katniss! What did you do to them?”

 “What, nothing!” Katniss scrambles to her sister’s side and follows her gaze. The plants are triple the size they were when she walked up the path, greener and lusher and laden with fruit. Even as she stares at them, some seem to be growing even more, right before her eyes. In the space of seconds, a vine of tiny, green cherry tomatoes grows to size and bloom a bright, cheery red. The flower bed where Prim cultivates the most requested medicinal plants overflows with colour and scent Katniss can pick up form behind the window glass.

 “I didn’t do anything to them,” she says again. “They don’t even like me that much!”

 Prim lets out a little laugh and wipes her hands on a small towel hanging over her shoulder. “I wish they did that for me. I reckon I could have been waiting forever for the pinkroot to bloom, but still. Was it like this in the woods, too?”

 Katniss shakes her head. “I don’t think so. Not that I was really looking back, though. A lot of animals were following me, too.”

 “I bet if you went back out there now, there’d be overgrowth all over the path you took.”

 She leans a little further, over the stove, towards the window. The plants seem to grow a little faster with the gap just barely narrowed. The warm scents of the potion billows over her, and her eyes dip. Her grip on the edge of the bench goes slack. It’s warm… so warm… “Yeah…” she slurs. “Maybe.”

 “Hey, what are you — What the fluff! Katniss, get back!” Prim cries. With surprisingly strong hands, she shoves Katniss out of the kitchen into the small hallway. Katniss lands flat on her back on the firm, unyielding stone floor, more wide awake than ever, and watches as Prim scurries for the lid to slam atop the overflowing pot. The pot Katniss almost just fell in. She furrows her brow; the contents of that pot weren’t so much as simmering before, were they?

 “Jeez, Kat.” Prim holds out a hand and pulls Katniss back to her feet. “Are you all right?”

 “I’m okay, I think.”

 “What did you do?” Prim breathes.

 “I don’t know?” she says, though it sounds more like a question. “I just… it wasn’t boiling like that before, was it?”

 “No! I simmer it down to half its volume before boiling so it doesn’t make a mess. You know, like it just did!” Prim sighs and wipes the spilled with the edge of her apron. “It shouldn’t have hit you so hard so soon, though, and definitely not just by smell. What is up with your magic today?”

 “I don’t know!” She buries her fisted hands in her trouser pockets. “It’s never… the only time it’s ever been this weird is when I was little.”

 “Ooh, maybe you’re about to meet them!” Prim says, nudging Katniss with her bony elbow.

 She scowls. “Meet who?”                    

 “Your soulmate, silly! Your magic’s gone haywire; that only happens when they’re close.”

 “What the hell are you talking about?”

 “And when you meet,” Prim goes on dreamily, “your magic will escape from you in a burst of colour to twine with theirs, binding your souls together forever.” She sighs; Katniss fights the urge to gag. “So beautiful.”

 “You actually believe that crap?” Katniss lets out a barking laugh. “There hasn’t been a confirmed pair of soulmates in centuries, if there ever was at all.”

 “Well, if it’s not your soulmate — and you’re no fun at all, by the way — you’re probably just coming down with the flu.” Prim wrinkles her nose. “I’ll brew you something, just in case.”

 “Medicine or bottled pheromones?”

 “At this rate, I think either would cure you.”

 Prim sighs again and stares down at the pot, the remains of the potion now a thick, gloopy mess stuck to the bottom. “There’s no more vetivert left to make more.”

 “Want me to go to the apothecary and get some?”

 Prim quirks a brow at her. “In your state? You sure that’s a good idea?”

 “Can’t get any worse than staying here, right?”

 “But what if your soulmate gets any closer? You’d be a danger to yourself and everyone else.”

 “I’m sure it’s just a cold, Prim.”

 “In any case…” Prim darts out of the kitchen and down the stairs to the small cellar where all her potions are kept in carefully labelled bottles in neat, orderly rows. Katniss follows a few steps behind, and as soon as she reaches the final step, Prim shoves a small, blue bottle in her hands.

 “You should drink this first,” she says before Katniss can say anything.

 She pops off the lid and sniffs it. Lemon and thyme. “What is it?”

 “A suppressant,” Prim says. “Should keep your magic nicely wrapped up for the next half hour or so.”

 Katniss stares between the bottle and her sister. “And that would be a good thing?”

 “For the time being, I think. You won’t be able to actively cast anything, either.” Prim trails off, thoughtful. “Although, if it’s leaking out of you like this…”

 Katniss snorts and tips the potion back in a single, neat motion. “I’ll be quick, then.”

Peeta

Warm

 It’s not that unusual, he tells himself, his soaked arms crossed over his equally damp chest.

 It’s a bakery where woodfire ovens are used every day. It’s not that far outside the realms of possibility that the fires might shoot clean through the chimney like a gigantic birthday candle. It’s a fire in a fireplace; where else is it meant to go?

 It’s also not that strange that, because of said fires, the dough would rise so much and so fast that it would spill out over the sides of the bowls and land on the benchtops in soft, sticky lumps.

 Or that whole batches would burns after only seconds in the oven, that yeast would literally die, and that sweat would drop off him at a rate quick enough to fill a swimming pool in seconds.

 Okay, Maybe it’s a little bit weird.

 There’s not even anything he can do about it. Once the dough is on the ground, not even the most thorough spell-work in the country could make Peeta think it fit to serve to the magical public. Even if he takes the breads out of the oven before they become a charred mess, the insides are still sticky and raw. And the fires? Well, the only thing he can do about that is put them out, and that’s not an option, considering they’re kept stoked by the combined efforts of the Mellark family powers.

 “Er, Peeta?”

 His father stands in the doorway of the kitchen, looking about as great as Peeta feels. His greying hair is matted against his head, and his jolly pink cheeks are flushed so red and his panting breaths so hard that Peeta might be concerned if he wasn’t convinced he was a mirror image.

 Peeta swipes futilely at his forehead. “Yeah, Dad?”

 “Do you, ah…have any idea what’s going on?”

 He shakes his head; the movement makes the room spin. He clutches the edge of the bench, but his hands slip too much to gain any purchase. “I have no idea what’s going on.”

 His father quirks a brow. “Peeta, if this is your magic playing up again like last week —”

 “— I’m not doing this!” Peeta furrows his brows and glances at the steam rising from his hands. Were they doing that before? He thinks he would remember them doing that before. “Not… not consciously, anyway.”

 His father frowns. “Are you feeling sick?”

 He almost laughs. “I don’t think I’d be able to tell in here anymore.”

 “Maybe you should head home, just to be on the safe side.”

 “Then it’ll just be you all afternoon.”

 His father waves him off. “I’ll close early. It’s not like there’s anything to sell, and that massive flame shooting out the top is certainly doing its part to keep customers out.”

 Peeta waves at the sticky counters. “The cleaning, though?” God, he’s delirious. “It’s so much mess?”

 His father’s eyes almost twinkle. “Are we magic, or are we magic? I’ll be fine, Peeta.”

 “But I can help?”

 “Peeta, the fire, and the heat, and everything else that has gone wrong with the bakery this morning only started when you arrived. Pardon my saying so, son, but I don’t particularly want any more of your help today.”

 He says it all with a wry smile, which only looks a little out of place of his father’s bright red, glistening face. Peeta nods, braces himself against the edge of the bench once more, and pulls the apron from around his head.

 “Peeta?” his father calls as he’s heading for the door.

 “Yeah?”

 “Might be best to avoid the car today, what with this crazy fever you’re running.”

 “I’m not sick!”

 “You’re certainly something. Head home, Peeta. I’ll check in on you later.”

 As soon as the door closes behind him, a cool breeze douses Peeta’s face. He lets out a sigh, and the jet of flames shooting through the chimney stops, leaving only a thick trail of smoke in its wake.

 He’d be almost relieved if his hands weren’t still steaming.

Katniss

Warmer

 Though she doubts (hopes?) anything will happen, Katniss walks to the nearby town. The suppressant Prim gave her hurts something deep within her with every step she takes, but at least there’s not another jungle growing in her wake. Only a few flowers bloom before her eyes, along with a pair of chubby-cheeked chipmunks which stare at her like she’s the moon, sun and stars all wrapped into one. Katniss scowls and walks straight past all of them.

 A tall plume of smoke billows on the horizon from the town, wafting out and around like a massive toadstool. The air is thick with the smell of it, and something else like burned bread.

 The bakery, maybe? That’d suck. The cheese-buns from there are to die for, and she’s not the only one who thinks so. Just last week, Katniss went in and almost got into a fight with the little old lady behind her when she bought the last half dozen. She sure hadn’t meant to make the fox stole around the woman’s neck come back to life. And she hadn’t meant to get so rage-filled at the woman’s audacity to come between Katniss and her cheese-buns, either, but something shot through her that day. Might have been the ridiculous heat in there that day, making everyone a bit crazy.

 Kind of like today.

 She could have sworn it wasn’t this hot when she left. At least, not magma-levels of hot, anyway. Each step towards town feels like she’s heading towards an active, gurgling volcano. Her braid sticks to the back of her neck, and even shedding her jacket does nothing to stop the sweat dripping and pooling down her back. If anything, the heat gets worse and worse alongside the pain inside her. It’s like being lanced through the gut with a white-hot skewer.

 There’s not enough time to panic. She collapses face-first to the grass. It turns from dry and crisp to green and cool beneath her. A few shy violets peek through the dirt as though to check if she’s okay, but she’s got no words; they’ve boiled and dried on her tongue.

 Before she closes her eyes, though, something even more horrifying greets her: a human figure engulfed in flames. Is she delirious? Is it real? Not real? They lumber closer, and her boiling world goes black.

Peeta

Hot

 Peeta gives his car a wide berth and shoves his hands in his pockets as he darts down the street. Smoke rises out of the sides like he’s stashing lit cigarettes in there. He keeps his head down and refuses to meet anyone’s eye. The sooner he gets home and douses himself in ice water, the better.

 God, he’s still so hot! The bottoms of his boots melt into the pavement and leave great, sticky prints in his wake. His finger prickle with a weird sort of heat he can’t understand until he pulls his hands from his pockets and finds tiny flames dancing over his fingertips.

 “Holy shi —!” He whacks his hand against his leg and waves it through the air, but it only seems to encourage them. They aren’t painful — a little tingly, maybe — but it doesn’t stop him panicking when they spread over him like a robe.

 Someone screams. Somewhere. Behind him, maybe, or all around. He’s not sure what else to do. His boots melt off him completely, and his clothes aren’t far behind. Peeta sprints for the nearest exit out of town and runs until he can’t see life anymore.

 Until, he thinks, he finds death.

 A slight figure, a girl, he thinks with inky-black hair, lies face-first on the ground. Her shoulders aren’t moving, and in a perfect circle around her is a patch of bright grass with small, colourful flowers. As Peeta gets closer, the grass grows higher, the flowers bloom larger, all while the flames coating his body reach further and further to the sky.

 He drops to his knees beside her. The grass doesn’t so much as flinch away from the heat of him.

 He can’t begin to explain why it feels like everything in his life has led up to this moment as he reaches out with a flame-covered hand. “Hey, miss? Are you all —”

 It’s like an explosion within him, like all the heat was a catalyst for his own personal, magical Armageddon. His magic erupts and spills out in a flash of flame and colour, swirling with something calm and green that smells a little like lavender. It’s like the very best fireworks show, full of colours he’s never seen before. He feels it all in the powerful rush of his blood, in the firing synapses of his brain, the happiness wending its way through him now… he could die at this very moment and be absolutely content.

 He’s got no idea how long it lasts, but when it’s over, so is he. He chokes out a gasping breath and collapses beside her.

 XXX

 Peeta doesn’t know how long he’s been lying there. He almost expects to be lying in a crater, but a cursory pat of the ground proves it’s all intact. And less green than before, too. Even the flowers that were there before are gone.

 But the girl is still there, her head propped up on her hand as she surveys him with eyes like shiny silver coins. She jumps when she sees him watching her back. She’s a little pale from their ordeal — so is he, he’d guess — but a blush blooms bright on her cheeks at being caught staring. He grins at her. She’s gorgeous. And she’s… he doesn’t know how to describe how natural her presence is beside his. Like she was meant to be there the entire time. His head and heart are so calm just watching her, whoever she is.

 “Who are you?” she asks.

 “Peeta.” He coughs and moves so he’s sitting up. “You?”

 She follows him. “Katniss.”

 “Katniss,” he repeats. He smiles at her. “Pretty name.”

 “Thanks.”

 “Do you have any idea why… I mean, you were out when I found you.”

 She nods. “And you were on fire.”

 “Yeah, that’s… yeah, I was.”

 “And then, after…”

 “You saw all that?”

 “No, I just kind of felt it. Like all the magic in me just exploded.”

 “It was the same for me, too. But I feel… great, actually. Stronger. Better than ever.”

 “Me, too. I feel… incredibly peaceful. Strong, too, like I could do anything.”

 “Any idea what it all was?”

 She opens her mouth, closes it, stares at the ground where another tiny flower, a dandelion, peeks through. She smiles at it and says, “Peeta, you wouldn’t happen to believe in soulmates, would you?”

 He watches her for a long, immeasurable moment before telling her, “I don’t know,” He takes her hand, thrilled that she lets him, and it sparks in his. “But I think I might now.”

[tomatosaucek]

The Archive

My friends and I have kept a record of our favorite quotes we've texted to our group chat since high school and I feel they must be shared so enjoy.

everything is wrong in the world but adam sandler makes it right when he dies there will be no god for he was the closest thing we had to one

we have full control over our youth

why the fuck r u on my wet wipes

in the end he has a lot of good qualities he just doesn't show them off/wear them well its like a guy with a bunch of fancy watches and stuff yeah those r nice things but why the fuck r u wearing 20 watches

except his shit hol is one shitty vacant manone beautiful shitty vacant man

how long was your child hair

I hope d.o is gay and his massive cock goes to waste cause all he does is take it up the ass

AND YOKO IS BY HIS SIDE WHILE HE SHIFTS REALITY

my theory that you dont really love someone until you catch a glimpse and see that they look exactly like a fucking foot

maybe it's just u small titted freaks that need to be trapped in a polyester prison

no I want to be spun the fuck around like a rotisserie chicken

now my throat is even tighter thanks putin

whisper me to sleep rap monster fuck you

you'd be shocked by the capabilities of a Farm Fresh Boy

THERE ARE RULES TO THIS DADDY SHIT AND THAT BITCH IS WALKING A FINE LINE

the thin layer of my sanity peeling away like cheap wallpaper

DO U WANNA SEE AN ONLINE TEMPER TANTRUM

sm is the constrictive cotton around their cocks not letting them erect their own dreams

my pussy did a backflip and participated in olympic swimming

who needs snail secretion cleansers when you can use the birth juices

I like how naruto wears bright fucking orange so everyone can know to get the fuck outta the way

gucci is a fucking mad man

on a lighter note i think asahi is addicted to crack

that is not a leg that is a 90 degree angle

OH YOU'RE SO GOD DAMN EDGY DOUBLE FUCKING DENIM

we've created the best things -

sliced bread

the wheel

the car

skeleton porn

negative asses have turned into bouncy houses

the stars were not ready nor could never foretell the likely-hood of this manslaughter this pure unadulterated mass suicide in the form of a venomous snake bite that latches to the soul of anyone unfortunate and pitiful enough to consume it and like the apple to eve it is that which corrupts the mind and snatches the body a dark empty thing that leaves nothing but putrid filth in its wake promising the sweetest of fruits only to deliver more and more misfortune

your dad is on the brink of destruction

socrates is a bitch, descartes is a bitch, plato is a bitch, aristotle..... a bitch. let me read facts, these men are an embarrassment. a scientist was like "atoms and stuff" and socrates was like "no. there are only 4 elements ;)" and people were like "source?" and he was like "i know everything" YOURE WRONG YOU ASS! socrates was useless. he shouldnt be studied.

ELMO ADVANCED

FUCK THE KETCHUP KIDS

KISS KISS FALL IN CUNT

S͊̍ͧ̕҉̧̟̰̲̰̥ͅU̞̥͈ͨ̎ͣ͋̚C͓̞̿ͩͬ̇ͪͫͨͫ͊Ķ̛̜͍̹̣̯̘̖͖͗̍ͥ̾̾͗͋̓̚L̞̥͖̹̙̲͓̯ͧ̆̾͆̈̏ͯ̔̀E̤̞͂ͣ̀̇̎ͮ̂͂̀̚͞ ̥͇̙͖͉̞͎ͥ͗ͣT̨͊͂ͦ͏̪͇Iͦ̿͋ͭ̽ͥͭ̊͏͏̤̻̮̬ͅM̲̭̲͇̟ͯͪ̽̄̽ͬ̍E̾̆͑͒̈ͫ́ͭ͜͏̲͎

why cant people milk their own babies

my god is so cute and he makes it look so good 😊

I need to find some teeth

Pre rubber boy stabbing himself under the eye ball hole

flavor boy at ur service

I finally used my natural essence on a whole pizza

I see chemistry between kookies jungle balls and my nile river delta

Twin dads

Gastric exorcism at 30,000 feet

Bungle up, squire

HOW CAN U WASH UR HAIR WITH INGREDIENTS MEANT FOR ASS

what if little baby naruto turns into a terrorist

THEYRE GROUPING GOOD LITERATURE AND SCAT IN THE SAME CATEGORY

FUCK ME UP MANTIE MAN

[joon voice] big tit exclusive

combined sweat sympathy

we made it. we're a feminist

ROAD RASSSSHHHHH

Scramble club: the moment everyone arrives everyone scrams away at full speed

not safe, freddie’s watching (freddie from icarly)

I HATE THIS SCAT MONSTER . THIS CASTRATION CATASTROPHE

is this what you want Patrick Star?

DONT FUCK OKAMI

my dad shits in the crystal clear florida ocean

imagine taeil growing a full bear

IM LOOKIN FOR YOU, HITLER.

B L E N D T H E

L U M B R I C O I D E S

MY LOAD IS GONNA TRIGGER THE NEXT BIG BANG

lobotio: lobotomy personified

YEETUS THAT FETUS

erectile poopage

wheel!!

of!!

foreskin!!

kanye columbus handing out yeezys with meezys to the ugandans

he took the last scoop of grammy’s mash potaties . kill him...

STICK SHIFT ON MY DICK TIP UH

Stroller was only 27 when he got suckled on by icejjfish. Feel Old Yet?

because there are always pregnant people, the average number of skeletons in the human body is higher than one

Allow Me Access To Your Groin,Gunt.

Itachi mariachi

THE MIX OF ANIME AND MOUSE IS FORBIDDEN IN THIS HOUSE

Little mik NEEDS sasuke's rod

the whistling quintuplets

garden trotting conundrum

Jazzercize at 1 am

hangin in the splash zone

festering jersey

hanging eric nam from the rafters

boney eats a whole tree

pein in the pet shop

the thrusting sailors

screamin' sicilian

deep whoy

completely vincent

drake josh cock pop

jay parp fucks a bistro

constant zenith

harlequin jazz

Jealous of my Father's Leg Hair

biological hazard

bobby marayo (baby mario)

PYLON PETE IN TERMINAL 5

rick suffers

Incomprehensible adhesive

mega wasp in the common room

Sculptures, but Worse.

Jay park fucks a moth

it ain’t about christ anymore it’s about SYNTHESIZERS

jesus vs. the synthesizer

[brightlycoloredteacups]

Her Name Is Flora

Pairing: Poe Dameron x OFC

Series: TBA

Summary: The keeper of the garden just so happens to BB-8′s best friend, and he’s determined to get her more. 

Warnings: None for this Chapter.

Tags: None

BB-8 had a secret. Poe wasn’t so sure he liked his friend keeping secrets from him. His best friend, flying partner, the one constant in his ever-changing life, was keeping something from him. It sat like a bad taste in his mouth. Still, Poe didn’t ask, it wasn’t his right. If BB wanted to share that information with him, it would have done so a long time ago.

           Every night, at exactly midnight the little droid would roll off to some unknown corner of the base and stay out until the crack of dawn. It would bring back a single dried flower each time. In their shared room, BB-8 had its own little corner, completely with a shelf to put stuff it enjoyed on. This shelf was now entirely covered with the flowers. Some big, some small, some medium sized, all different colors. The robot would lovingly rearrange it each day, giving each blossom it’s time to shine.

           Poe had to wonder if BB had a droid it was particularly fond of that returned it’s feelings. But he figured droids wouldn’t give each other flowers, maybe something else, but not flowers. Then he figured BB had a human admirer. Human-droid romance were unusual, but not unheard of. If it made his friend happy, who was he to judge? Still, he had to ask, he was too curious not to. He made a promise to himself, if BB-8 didn’t want to talk about it’s little secret, he wouldn’t push it.

           “Hey buddy,” Poe says, looking at the droid getting ready to leave. “Where, uh, where do you keep getting those flowers from?” BB’s happy chirps relieved him of the worry he was prying into his friend’s privacy. Flora! BB-8 tells him. Her name is Flora, and she’s my bestest friend in the entire galaxy, aside from you, of course…and Rey, and Finn. “Flora, huh?” BB gives an affirmative chirp. Poe feels like he knows that name. Someone mentioned it a million times somewhere before. He simply can’t put his finger on it. Maybe he’ll think of it much later, when he’s half asleep. “Well, why don’t you invite Flora over for dinner sometime? I’d love to meet her.” BB excitedly agrees, rushing out of the room, going to ask this mystery woman right away.

*

           Flora is the only living thing allowed to tend the plants in the Garden Center. She has an innate skill to bring life, seemingly from thin air. Some of the herbage that had been planted required a delicate touch, and a massive amount of knowhow to grow efficiently and effectively. Soldiers needed food, recreational activities, and medicine, thus, the Garden Center was born. The center was sectioned off into three parts, two of them open to the public. Each was affectionately named by Flora. The Viewing Gardens, the Farmers Corner, and Medical Site.

           The Farmers Corner was a place for people to pick their own food. Fat fruits hung from trees, vegetables grew luscious in the deep rich earth, herbs a plenty were found in cute little pots labeled accordingly. There was a plant for everyone’s taste, alien and human alike. One could often see children darting between vegetables, playing games of tag, or squirting each other with water guns. Parents often watched with a sense of peace and joy.

           The Medical Site was where all the medicinal plants grew. It was closed off from the public. Only she and her droids were allowed there. Every medical breakthrough in the galaxy had some basis in botany. What the medical droids couldn’t give the Resistance, she could. Her tonics cured the worst strains flu in a few hours, her poultices knit skin back together almost as quickly as a Jedi, her powders killed pain without the consequence of addiction. Through the careful compounding and innate understanding of chemistry, she’d helped keep the Resistance running for as long as she could.

           The Viewing Gardens, however, where her pride and joy. It had a dream-like quality to it, thanks to artfully low lighting, heavily scented air, and beautiful bright colors. Lovers came to this section to kiss under artificial stars. They declared ever lasting loyalty to each other. The haunted wraiths war made of people came there to find a moments peace from their demons. Those that had lost someone, came to grieve in the warm embrace of mother nature. It was a place of calm, warming love that she’d worked hard to create.

           Currently, she was in the Medical Site, having finished her routine chores. She’s tending to a thick, slimy mass of blue algae, floating rather bloatedly across the scummy surface of an artificial pond. She’d been trying for months to get the algae to bloom, they were essential in a lotion that soothed the aches of muscles. A great deal of soldiers needed it for their feet, backs, and arms. Only was it today that the algae had come through for her, and with what magnificence! Not one inch of the glowing green water on which the algae grew could be seen. She checks her notes, figuring it must have been the protein mix she’d cooked up that did it.

           She’s scribbling away in her notebook when BB-8 comes rolling up to her, chirping happily. She looks up, smiling at him. “Hello my friend,” She says, watching the ball come to a stop next to her. “They’re doing wonderful today.” She continues, nodding towards her blooming algae. “I’ll collect them later on, for right now, I have research to conduct.”

           She stands, grabbing the cane place beside her. BB beeps in concern. “Just a little stiffness.” She says, soothing its worries. They walk together in silence. Her laboratory is on the other side of the compound. It’s slow going for her, but she likes it underneath the stars. The infinite black of space mottled with stars and moons and suns always gave her comfort. It reminded her that she wasn’t so alone after all.

           As is her custom, she stops at the door, looking up. She closes her eyes and sends a wish out to the stars. It’s the same wish, night after night. A friend, I want a friend. Then, she slips into the cool, white expanse of her lab.

           Her droids come online as she hits the light switch. The room is filled with happy whirring, being, and even screeching. She says hello to each of her companions. “Hello,” She says, smiling, “Hello Starlight, hello Sunray, hello Moonbeam. And a special hello to you, Whiskey.” The aged droid in question grunts but doesn’t say hello back.

           Like the well-oiled machine they are, they all roll into their stations and get to work. Whiskey brews a pot of tea for Flora to drink through the night. Flora settles in to look over the data. Even though she has old droids with top of the line processing, they can only interpret data, tell her the facts. She’s the one that puts it all into practice. Whiskey sets the pot of tea in its usual spot, pouring her a cup. “Flo,” He says. “When are you going to take me out among the stars?”

“As soon as General Organa allows me to borrow an X-wing.” Whiskey growls, mechanical and menacing. “Sometimes it’s better to ask for forgiveness rather than for permission.”

“Whis, the general has done a lot for us over the years, the least we can do is not cause her any trouble. We’d still be in that trash heap if it weren’t for her.” Whiskey gives another annoyed groan but leaves her alone. He totters off to his own corner to paint. BB settles next to her, watching everything that goes on.

           It likes being in the lab. The calming drone of intense work, Flora’s humming, sometimes singing, allows the droid to relax. Not to mention the sheer gentleness with which Flora treats it endears it to her. It will often simply roll around, looking at the work others are doing. It’s so different from the hustle and bustle usually surrounded by its other friends.

           Tonight, however, Flora notices BB’s restlessness. “How was your day BB?” She asks. BB is delighted to tell her all about it. She tries as best to tune it out, feeling guilty as she did so. BB’s stories were all about Poe Dameron, the one man she had the unfortunate pleasure of having the hugest crush on.

           Poe was everything she’d ever read about in stories. Charming, handsome, clever, quick witted, intelligent, and most importantly of all, he was kind. He’d come in the viewing gardens late at night. As the Commander of the Resistance, he had the clearance to do so. He’d wander the plants, brow furrowed in angry thoughts. Sometimes, he’d just sit for hours upon hours, looking a head of him, remembering things he didn’t want to remember. Flora longed to kiss that furrowed brow smooth. She wanted to tell him things would be alright, and that he could always find comfort and warmth in her, he could tell her anything he liked, and she wouldn’t shy away from it.

           More times than she liked he sent her diving for the nearest cover of foliage. She hated sitting there, watching him, feeling creepy all the while, but if she moved, he’d discover her. And that would be a fate worse than death. She’d watch from the shadows as he’d take a new flame and introduce them to his favorite tree. “Shara Bey,” He’d tell them. “That’s her name.” They laughed at him, thinking he was just trying to be funny. Things would get awkward when they’d figured out he was serious. He kissed a few of them before he told them. It always sent jealous pangs through her heart. They wouldn’t last long. Silly little Flora, she’d tell herself, silly, silly little Flora. Poe Dameron doesn’t even know you exist. There was simply no use in getting all riled over him. Besides, he deserves to be happy.

           BB pulls her from her reverie rather forcefully by inviting her to dinner. She chokes and sputters on her tea. Whiskey looks up, concern lacing his mechanical voice, “Are you alright?”

“Fine,” She gasps, holding her chest, “Fine, I’m fine. Everything’s fine.” She looks about her for a towel to clean the splashes of tea. Once she regains her composure, she looks at BB, trying to think of how best to answer him. “I would love to go to dinner with you,” She admits, “But I can’t.” Well, why ever not? “You know why,” she says, not bothering to point out the obvious flaws that covered every inch of her.

           She could handle the stares of pity, horror, and hatred from strangers, but to have Poe look at her like that? She’d wither and die on the spot. She couldn’t risk it, her dreams were more important to her than reality, in dreams she was allowed a measure of comfort. BB-8 beings to protest. Poe wasn’t like others, he’d like her, because she was BB’s bestest friend, and Poe was BB’s friend too and that automatically made her Poe’s friend, and would she please, please, pretty please come with him to dinner? Poe would love her, it was sure of it.

           Poe would love her. The thought was laughable. Even if it was possible, the rumors that would circulate the relationship. She can hear them now. “Poor Commander Dameron, tied to that useless little thing.” Other hurtful things clouded her mind. She knew first hand what rumors could do to a relationship. Best not put Poe through that, not even being just friends was an option. “No, BB-8, I’m sorry. I won’t go to dinner with you.” A sad beep follows it argues no more. BB settles in for the night, quietly wracking its processors for an excuse to get her to eat dinner with him and Poe. By the time the night is over, and the droids are all in their charging stations, BB hasn’t come up with a single idea.

*

           When BB rolls in at dawn the next morning, Poe is still rubbing the sleep from his eyes. He has a long day ahead of him, but he wanted to wait until his friend came in with the good news. “Well?” He asked, letting out an incredible yawn. She won’t come, is BB’s response. Poe watches as the droid dejectedly takes out it’s dried flower. With the same loving tenderness as the mornings before, BB-8 arranges the flowers in a new configuration. “Aw, buddy, I’m sorry. Did she say why?” BB freezes in the middle of its arrangement, trying to figure out the best way to answer his question.

           She doesn’t think she’s pretty like you. Poe laughs. “I’m far from pretty BB, but thanks for the compliment.” The bot whirrs annoyedly. You know what I meant! It snaps. It goes to it’s charging station, done with this conversation. “Well, is she?” Poe asks, finally getting up. “Not as pretty as me?” No! BB argues, running into his leg in irritation. She’s amazing and beautiful and perfect. She’s super smart and kind and gentle and I really, really wanted you to meet her. Poe looks at the droid in surprise. The only other person BB ever gushed about was Rey or Finn. This Flora person must be rather important to it. Poe was impressed.

           “Maybe we should bring dinner to her then?” BB’s piercing shriek of acceptance is all Poe needs to know. “Alright, how’s tonight sound?” It’s sounds great. Poe nods. “Look BB, I have to get some work done, but you come up with a plan, and when I get back, we’ll go ahead and cook up the biggest, most delicious dinner the Resistance has ever seen.”   BB-8 agrees happily, then settles in for a few hours of charging. Tonight was going to be spectacular.

[maudanouk]

PROLOG

MARGOT

Tears overflow my cheeks and from my vanquished eyes a sudden shower falls.[1] The drops form a trickle, a flow, a torrent. Forty days and forty nights of continuous and universal rain.[2] Waves are in excess, everything runs to the sea. [3] No possible action of any flood could thus have modelled the land, either within the valley or along the open coast.[4] A flood that leaves everything in a state of confusion[5] forming a great briny mass searching for direction. The sea by its motion, detaches from its bottom an infinity of plants, shells, slime, and sand, which the waves and winds continually drive towards the shore. [6] There is a stone in the sea called the oyster. A stray grain of sand finding its way into its shells is enough to spark a new beginning. The Oyster comes out of the sea early in the morning ahead of the light, and, opening its shell, it swallows the heavenly dew and the rays of the sun and moon and the light from the stars above. And thus is born the pearl, I am born, from the most high celestial bodies.[7]

LENNY

(Thrusting the flat knife between the two shells) I keep praying for You to make something happen so why this awful, crawling feeling that nothing ever does?[8] (he turns the knife forcefully) God does not shout. God does not whisper. God does not write. God does not hear. God does not chat. God's infinite silence…[9] (the two shells crack open and he draws out the knife) The oysters valves are standing open and a pearl lays between them, a wonderful sight and notable, for no pearl in all history could be compared with it at all, either in size or in beauty.[10] But her beauty does not lie in the perfection of the sphere, nor in symmetry. She is irregular, ovoid, curved and lumpy. One moment it did not exist, the next moment it was full blown in my mind, as though it had been there all the time and needed only the bursting of a soap bubble veil to show it.[11] All this time I sought for truth and unity and now all that matters is her proud glow that strives for contradiction and multiplicity. 

ACT I

EXT. GARDEN - DAWN - ABOUT BEES AND HONEY

LENNY arrives at the WITTGENSTEIN HOUSE. Here is the garden and around it some flower beds, a space cultivated for flowers for Margot, to make a spray for her hair, to perfume the sheets.[12] Naturally, […] only the apple tree interests him, tempts him: he can see its flowers.[13] He walks towards the tree. The WITTGENSTEIN HOUSE is observing him. As LENNY reaches for one of the blossoms a bee flies out of it.

WITTGENSTEIN HOUSE

Once on a June evening, in those long gone years when the ends of days sank into silence, I was waiting for a total eclipse of the sun on a terrace facing a garden, overlooking the foliage of a maple tree.[14] And I thought of you Lenny. In the sudden darkness I saw you, hidden behind a veil, the massive walls of the Vatican Palace. A faceless silhouette.

LENNY

It’s all different now she has revealed herself only for a short moment but I saw my reflection in her pearlescent luster: functioning, utilising, thinking in causes and effects, logically evaluating and analyzing. But what if I want to walk for hours and weeks without a destination. What if I want to know what the month of march brings for an Aquarius. What if I want to miss her for no better reason than that I love to be fucking emotional.

WITTGENSTEIN HOUSE (hesistates)

When i watched the total eclipse of the sun that summer evening it soon became dark and an eclipse wind, like a wave, had risen when suddenly from the neighbouring house burst forth a sort of wild dance, with the strange, biting, astringent sound of Pan’s pipes. Young people were celebrating some festival, they had confused shadow with twilight and were playing as night fell. However much one knows about it, the veiling of the sun’s light is disturbing and transports one to another world. [15] I saw you cover up in darkness and now i see you longing for the sun. This is a complete inversion. And in this twilight a party shall rise so that the heart, that obscure, celestial flower, undergoes a mysterious blossoming.[16] That is the only way great loves stories are born and I don't want any more part time believers.[17]

LENNY

But how can i find Margot in this city still so strange to me?

WITTGENSTEIN HOUSE

She’s the bee and you are her honey. What does Margot like?

LENNY (looking at the flowers)

Margot likes wind in her hair and salt crystals on her skin, lace and hoodies, rings on her fingers and flowers in her hair, black panthers and partridges, walking barefoot on wet grass and wearing mid calf boots, day dreaming and ADHD, dancing underground and sleeping in white sheets, Los Angeles and Palermo, birch trees and skyscrapers, gel nails and knitting, equal rights and mini skirts, cabrios and umbrella pine trees, Fellinis Roma and Mario Cart, seashells and pinecones, Zorra by Bad Gyal and playing the Bach Suite Nr. 1 on her Cello, passion fruits and rough fights, oranges and jeweled persian rice, fig trees and Coke, dry white wine and soft cheese, creaky parquet and soft carpets, ....

WITTGENSTEIN HOUSE

The mask does not hide the face, it is the face.[18] Your new face should combine all these elements to a story and make a lot of noise.[19] [...] the veil of mystery you profess to hang before their eyes, serve but to stimulate their curiosity[20]. In being everywhere and nowhere [...] the object of much social curiosity[21] People will pay attention to it, speak about it, remember it. You’ll be EROS and I will be the embodiment of your story the place where all elements manifest in a happening. A great feast all the Margots will want to attend.

ACT III - THE INVITATION

INT. MARGOTS MURCIELAGO - AFTERNOON

A downpour of summer rain patters on the front window.  MARGOT is waiting at a red light. Her phone buzzes and she opens the message.

@ YUNGPAPA:

“My darling friends, there’s one spectacular party in the making! Join us tonight at the Wittgenstein House to another glass of wine under fig trees, eating fresh fish on soft carpets next to blossoming anthuries. Glowing cheeks from dancing till dawn. Bring a delicate, floating, spring bouquet of florets in new leaf green, cherry blossom pink, and marigold yellow[22] and we’ll serve everything else. XOXO”

ACT IV - THE PARTY

EXT. THE CITY - SUNSET

THE HOUSE WANTS TO BE KNOWN

The rain had stopped. The water evaporated on the hot asphalt and left a sultry summer evening air. AVAs cabrio is speeding down the Ringstrasse with its roof folded down.

AVA (lost in thought)

Do you think YUNG PAPA will attend the party today? I wish we’d find out who’s behind all this uproar.

MARGOT

Some weeks ago we’ve never heard about him and now he's everywhere.  Noise, ruckus, rumors spread.[27] I’ve heard the parties are supposed to be unique in its kind and his face, enveloped by a more or less dense veil[26] has sparked many suspicions. I think he looks like Hauru, wearing drop earrings made of rubies and emeralds combined dripping down[27] his lobe, his blonde chin length hair making him the cynosure of all eyes.[27]

EXT. THE SITE - SUNSET

THE HOUSE WANTS TO BE SEEN

The garden is enlightened by the colourful lights emerging the windows. The WITTGENSTEIN HOUSE is radiant and reaching in all directions, emitting visual, audible and perceptible vibrations. The air is full of petals twinkling through the air giving off a smell of orange blossoms. A car enters the SITE. AVA and MARGOT step out of it. Instantly they are surrounded by an electric atmosphere. On inspecting the entrance facade, you can discover a series of metaphors and symbolic signs.[29] It would be too strong to call this fantasy a portal to Hell, but it is surely no entrance to a Heavenly Jerusalem[30]. AVA and MARGOT join the stream of guests walking through the garden towards the WITTGENSTEIN HOUSE greeting, kissing, hugging.

INT. THE ENTRANCE - SUNSET

THE HOUSE WANTS TO FLIRT

The party begins as people are moving in, gathering in the entrance hall and taking a stand up cocktail.[31] There is champagne, caviar and fireworks.[32] Ahead, some distance from the entrance, is a great mural of brilliant color.[33] Opulent Ornaments, heavy textiles, reflecting surfaces.

WITTGENSTEIN HOUSE (whispering to the Lenny)

First impressions are made. About me as the entrance always affects the impression of the whole house. And especially Margots first impression of you. Is she here?

LENNY

I see her in the hundreds of eccentric bouquets that the guests have brought along overflowing the room. I see her in that mans excessively long fingernails or and your lining flickers with golden mosaics and indirect lighting from above.

WITTGENSTEIN HOUSE

Yes you are right. I’m discovering my dramatic side. I want to dance, twist my elements, feel the motion and sensuality. I flirt and wink at the guests with my dizzying array of rich surface treatments.

MARGOT

Ava! Look at this man sitting on the seashell sofa in the garden. He’s knitting all alone while everybody else is clinking glasses.

AVA (teasing)

Why don’t you bring him a glass of wine. I know it, I feel it, and you will say it.[35]

MARGOT (concentrated)

You just know me too well and yes, he is cute.

EXT. THE GARDEN - SUNSET

THE HOUSE WANTS DRAMA

MARGOT walks over to the LENNY. Rising up in a warm haze, the innumerable modern statues towered on their pillars half way up the golden webs of sunset.[36] The garden is a collection of living beauties, rare plants, exotic flowers and fruits. The trees are old and high. Long white cotton cloths are blowing in the wind, rendering shadow plays. LENNY is sitting in the seashell sofa sheltered from the wind, warm sunbeams begin to play. [37] MARGOT hands him the glass.

MARGOT (laughing)

Hello strange man, what are you knitting?

LENNY

Some of the more exotic plants have to be taken indoors for protection from the cold night air and swaddled in thick woollen garments.[38]

MARGOT We have, indeed, become a flower growing people.[39] You seem pretty passionate about your plants. I like it when people care. About anything actually.

LENNY

When, on a summer evening, the melodious sky growls like a tawny lion, and everyone is complaining of the storm, it is the memory of the Meseglise way that makes me stand alone in ecstasy, inhaling, through the noise of the falling rain, the lingering scent of invisible lilacs.[41] Or when I reach out to touch a fragile tree and blossoming spicules float downwards and fade, each with its clear, tiny tinkle.[42] These are the moments I cherish most and that’s why I care.

MARGOT (hesistating)

But for me love is not only loving and caring. I don’t want my house to be all light and soft. It starts getting fun when you have contrasts, contradictions and drama. It can be raucous, low, full, pleading, vulgar, sharp, cutting, jovial, harmonious, commanding, harrowing, seductive, explosive or irritated[...] noble, high pitched, servile, majestic, ample, sick, affronted, clothed in silence, echoing with the sea or forest, undercut by the twittering of birds, howling like a wild beast, [... ]asking questions and saying come here. [43]

LENNY

Until now I’v only got to know a more one-sided monotonous love but thats another story.

MARGOT (excited)

Oh look over there! A black panther is prowling through the peach trees!

INT. SALON - NIGHT

THE HOUSE WANTS TO BE DIRTY

Food is being served in the salon. The huge chandeliers had dimmed spread a diffused multi coloured light from the tiny nucleo bulbs that bespangle the vaulted ceiling [44] The materials in which the WITTGENSTEIN HOUSE presents itself come from the everyday domestic sphere, much having to do with ornamenting the body: copper and brass wire, buttons, beads, baubles, hooks, eyes, straps, false fingernails, makeup, hair, ribbons, lace, thread, shells, feathers, and bones. The amulets are fetishes, beautiful ornamental objects, and they are connected to the fetishism of architectural representation.[34] Billows of smoke of several hookahs hang in the air. People sit on couches of brocaded silk, leaning on a cushions[45]. Chattering and cricket chirping fill the air.

INT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

THE HOUSE WANTS TO DANCE

After eating the WITTGENSTEIN HOUSE starts playing Promiscuous Girl by Nelly Furtado. Slowly the room is filled with curiously dancing people. Tossing their hands in a wanton and lascivious manner. One man imitates the movements of a kangaroo grazing in the woods, whilst a second crawled up, and pretended to spear him.[46] LENNY and THE WITTGENSTEIN HOUSE feel MARGOT penetrating them and start dancing along.

WITTGENSTEIN HOUSE (dances irregularly curved from concave to convex)

♪ Promiscuous girl

Wherever you are

I'm all alone

And it's you that I want. ♪

LENNY

Our most intimate gestures move to sounds, we dance.[47] Absurd, peculiar, mad, fantastic, bizarre, eccentric, capricious, whimsical, laughable, and also charming. [48]

WITTGENSTEIN HOUSE (opens the ceiling to reveal a hundred sparkling stars through the moving branches of the wind tossed apple tree blond, tawny, copper, golden, straw yellow, orange, ochre, sand or tan, multiplying the straight, centred, short rays, piercing and sharp like the trill of a bird. [49] The signs of the Zodiac are moving from east to west and go round the world in twenty four hours.[48] A strong wind starts rising.)

♪ Promiscuous boy

You already know

That I'm all yours

What you waiting for? ♪

LENNY

Minute promptings coming from everywhere, in quality, dimension or intensity, on every wave length make sensibility tremble, fluctuate and sweep and dance randomly over the spaces.[50] I look at Margot and even while she speaks the waves wash over her lips, and down into the deep she plunges. The sea breaking free.[52] WITTGENSTEIN HOUSE (Motion grows, as a wave grows white when the wind begins rising[53])

♪ Promiscuous girl

You're teasing me

You know what I want

And I got what you need ♪

LENNY

Time stands still where space folds in on itself. [54] The sea gives birth to a tidal flow […] a rhythmic current emerges from the disorderly lapping of waves, music surfaces in this place. [55] Here the body rises above disorder, here Margot rises above the waves, even more complex in her multiplicity than the nautical sound of waves breaking.

WITTGENSTEIN HOUSE

♪ Promiscuous boy

Let's get to the point

Cause we're on a roll

Are you ready? ♪

LENNY

However much one knows about it, the veiling of the sun’s light is disturbing and transports one to another world. Lying on the moving floor, shaken by the movement of the waves [56] I am in danger of drowning.

MARGOT

I thought you’ve learned how to swim till now.

LENNY

I am a moving, active body, expressing in exertion, movement, gesture and dance, rather than in sensibility alone.[51] I’ve learned to swim in this flood of confusion. And the ship will not resemble merely a ship, but also the sea itself, even to its hull and sails being composed of waves.[52] The obscurity is long; here is the dawn; the cock crows to the Sun God.[53] And beyond the reach of water, beyond wind, cold, fog, light and dark even beyond noise, […] the house protects us just as the belly of a vessel separates us from the cold of the sea. [54]

[1] Seneca, Complete Works

[2] Da Vinci, Notebooks

[3] Serres, The Birth of Physics

[4] Round the World

[5] Buffon, Natural History Vol 2

[6] Buffon, Natural History Vol 2

[7] Physiologus

[8] Serres, The Five Senses

[9] Aquinas, Summa Theologica

[10] Procopius, History of the War Books Vol 1

[11] Asimov, Complete Robot Anthology

[12] Serres, The Parasite

[13] Deleuze Guattari, A Thousand Plateaus

[14] Aquinas, Summa Theologica

[15] Serres, Branches

[16] Hugo, Les Miserables

[17] The Young Pope

[18] Deleuze Guattari, A Thousand Plateaus

[19] Serres, The Parasite

[20] Rousseau, Collected Works of Jean-Jacques Rousseau

[21] Foucault, The History of Sexuality Volume 2

[22] Kassinger, Slime

[26] Deleuze, Cinema 1 The Movement Image

[27] Serres, Troubadour of Knowledge

[27] Rand, The Fountainhead

[27] Hovestadt Buehlmann, Quantum City

[29] Hays, Architecture Theory since 1968

[30] Frankl, The Gothic

[31] Schumacher, The Autopoiesis of Architecture Vol 2

[32] Carter, Anthony Blunt His Lives

[33] Ockmann, Architecture Culture 1943 1968

[35] Asimov, Complete Robot Anthology

[35] The Young Pope

[36] Proust, In Search of Lost Time Vol IV Sodom and Gomorrah

[37] Wollstonecraft, Complete Works

[38] Proust, In Search of Lost Time Vol II Within a Budding Grove

[39] Gothein, A History of Garden Art

[41] Proust, In Search of Lost Time Vol I Swanns Way

[42] Asimov, Complete Robot Anthology

[43] Serres, The Five Senses

[44] Asimov, Complete Robot Anthology

[34] Hays, Architecture Theory since 1968

[45] The Book of the Thousand and One Nights

[46] Darwin, Voyage of the Beagle Round the World

[47] Serres, The Five Senses

[48] Wittkower, Born under Saturn

[49] Serres, The Five Senses

[48] da Vinci, The Notebooks of Leonardo da Vinci

[50] Serres, The Five Senses

[52] Serres, Genesis

[53] Virgil, Aeneid

[54] Serres, The Five Senses

[55] Serres, The Five Senses

[56] Serres, The Five Senses

[51] Serres, The Five Senses

[52] Foucault, This is not a Pipe

[53] Serres, The Parasite

[54] Serres, The Five Senses

[43] Serres, The Five Senses

[ramblinganthropologist]

31 Days of Fanfiction - Day 4

Topic: A pairing I don’t ship. Pairing mentioned: Cullen x Dorian (not shipped), Dorian x Inquisitor (very much shipped) Summary: The gossip’s been getting juicy in Skyhold as rumors fly of secret affairs between key agents. Inquisitor Adaar’s heart can’t take much more of this. However, what he thinks is affection may just be a desire for a good game. Sometimes it just doesn’t pay to be adorably dense.  Word count: 2026 ---

“Did you see the way they looked at each other in the garden?”

“It was positively scandalous. I'd dare wager the Commander fancies him.”

The damn Orlesians were at it again that morning as Kaaras entered the hall, ducking just in time to avoid his horns colliding with the top of the door frame. Despite polite requests to go the fuck home, there they were, chatting away like they owned the place.

Maybe he should've considered a less polite request with more expletives.

“We've all heard the rumors about Ser Pavus. He's probably stringing the poor Commander along. Such a dear, he has no idea what he's in for.”

Someone waved their fan in front of their face as the rest giggled like they were reading through the latest edition of The Randy Dowager Quarterly. That's what someone's life was to them, nothing better than tawdry entertainment.

It would've made him sick if his stomach wasn't so busy sinking into his shoes.

Kaaras tried to ignore the rumors, of course. Often times he was so busy being pulled in every direction that he didn't have the time to really think on them. This one followed him like a bad habit, smacking him in the face whenever he got the chance to breathe.

They weren't... were they?

Truly, he had never paid attention. It was no surprise that his so-called Commander was one of his least favorite people in the Inquisition. To put it bluntly, he hated the mother fucker with everything he had in him. It seemed impossible that someone he was so fond of could get along with such a cancerous sore.

And yet, when he entered the garden, there they were. Cullen and Dorian sat across from each other, the chess pieces set out in front of them. From the overhead view, the mage was losing rather badly with not much hope left for victory.

“Are you making your move or forfeiting then?” The commander was smiling, the scar over his lip stretching with the effort. With the fur on his cloak and his puffed up demeanor, he quite resembled the cat that begged outside the kitchen for scraps, only he wasn't nearly as cute or useful.

Dorian chuckled, and the sound made Kaaras weak in the knees as he clung to a wall for support. He considered the board for a few moments, before toying with one of the pieces in front of him, not quite moving it all the way.

“I'm thinking, Commander.”

“You said that the last time I beat you.” When Cullen chuckled, it had the opposite effect. “Winner buys the next round?”

Behind the wall, Kaaras bit his lip hard and slumped. They had progressed to drinks. What else had he missed in his attempts to close up the massive hole in the sky? At this rate, he'd be fixing a much more dire crack in his heart. However, he never made a sound, and instead shifted away from the game. Somewhere, someone probably needed him to do some task.

He never saw how the game ended, but the aftermath was written all over Dorian's face later. The mage was deep in thought, so much so that he bumped into his secret admirer. Their difference in size meant nobody went flying, but the sudden contact still made the qunari's heart race.

“Oh, forgive me. A certain queen keeps tormenting me.” A smile slid across Dorian's lips as he made himself proper. “Is something the matter, Inquisitor? You look rather depressed.”

Kaaras had never been good at keeping his feelings to himself. He was no Jackel, nor could he hide them with a smirk and a quip like Akri. No doubt he looked like shit, bouncing about from room to room in the main building to try and keep himself busy.

“There's a lot on my mind.” It was harder to put a smile on his face, and it pulled. “Er, how's the research going?”

It was almost painful, watching the life explode into the mage's eyes. While good breeding a lot of social training helped with most things, deep down Dorian was just as big a nerd as his brother when it came to magic. It was charming, in its own weird way, but right then he wished he would've said nothing at all.

“Glad you asked, I think I found something that might help us out.” Dorian was turning on his heel, heading towards the library. He only stopped upon realizing he was alone, and then turned back towards the qunari. “Are you coming?”

Maybe in his dreams.

Still, Kaaras couldn't help but follow along as they left the main hall to travel towards the library. Here, without the eyes of the great hall among them, it felt easier to breathe. It wasn't perfect, but it helped smooth things out.

“I thought of it during my chess match with the Commander, actually. The way he waves those pieces around got me thinking.”

The crack in his heard was audible, but Kaaras kept moving. He kept his eyes on the approaching door; once, a relative had told him it was the easiest way to hold back tears. Worst came to worst, he could blame it on some allergy.

“Oh, I didn't realize you two were so close.” He attempted the friendliest tone he could, cursing when his voice wavered somewhere near his damned head tone. There was soon a dent in his tongue as he waited for the response, bracing.

Honestly, Kaaras hadn't know what to expect from the remark. Maybe he could've seen Dorian's face turning blotchy, or he would turn away. He could have even changed the subject, showing for a brief moment a rare flustered sign. All of them would've killed him, but they would have been understandable given the subject matter.

Instead, he got laughter.

Dorian was laughing – not at him, it didn't seem anyway. The wonderful sound filled the room for a brief moment, leaving a tingling sensation down the qunari's spine when it left all too soon. At least it left a smile on the mage's face as he allowed one last chuckle.

“Hardly, it's just he's the only one I can play chess with since a certain someone refuses to learn human rules.”

This was accompanied by a light nudge to the side that sent Kaaras' heart straight into his nose so fast his head spun. Suddenly, even with Red Templars and magisters from the dawn of time about, the world didn't seem so bad.

Still, there was some sass required for that remark, and he found it a little easier to talk. “It's not my fault you've decided to do odd things with the keepers.”

“Oh don't start that again, last time I got into that argument it lasted an hour and I'd gone hoarse.” Dorian chuckled again. “We're getting a bit off track though. There's a certain book I need to show you before anyone else gets their hands on it.”

Kaaras felt a hand on his back guiding him along as the mage continued chatting. Words were lost on him in that moment as he could hear his heart pounding in his ears. Maybe he was smiling, maybe he was red. Either way, the afternoon had just gotten a lot better.

If only all rumors turned out that way.

---

“Bullshit.”

“I'm telling you, Krem, I've seen it happen!”

Jackel was on her second mug of something she would only call the Dalish surprise. She had hidden away in the tavern that afternoon and had found herself among the Charges, swapping both stories and bullshit with a side of mead. Even with Bull away on some business, it was one of the better places in Skyhold.

Up on the back of his chair, Krem snorted into his bottle. “Lavellan, I can't see any dwarf trying to fly.”

“Well, they did. Got pretty far too before they hit the ground. Last time I checked they were still working out the kinks.” Her cheeks puffed as she sipped from her mug. Apart from his lack of belief, she was feeling pretty good.

What shook up her boring afternoon was when the side door slammed open. Jackel felt her eyebrow journey towards her vallaslin as Kaaras sprinted over, practically radiating heat. She ran the mental checklist as he ran. Wasn't hurt, didn't look to be dying, but she wasn't sure what was wrong with him. That didn't make her comfortable to say the least.

He didn't look upset, though. There were no tears, and she was pretty sure he was smiling. It was pretty hard to tell why, though, because of how damn red his face was. And here she had heard tomatoes didn't grow this far north.

When he slowed down to stand next to her, he was practically bouncing. The floor shook for the briefest moment, but the wooden boards held. It was good they did, or Jackel might have found herself among the casks and bottles, swimming in some brew like a piece of fruit that would be somebody's dessert in a couple months.

It sounded amazing but she didn't want to experience it first hand.

“Something up, Kaas?” She hazarded words as he eventually sat down in a chair next to her. The bouncing continued, but it was mostly manageable. She just had to hold her mug away from him so it didn't spill.

Kaaras was positively beaming by the time he got the words out. “He doesn't like Cullen!”

Obviously. Anyone with eyes could have seen that, and even some without. However, her beloved cousin was what she would have affectionately called as dense as a stone when it came to people's romantic intentions. That he was just discovering this now was an added benefit.

“Well, what do you know. Pavus has taste after all.” Jackel made a mental note to pay him a visit sometime after midnight in the near future, perhaps with snacks. She was pretty sure she knew where he stayed, and if not a good friend of hers could fill in the gaps, maybe provide the key to the mage's tower if her picks melted like they had the last time.

The bouncing was getting a little annoying though. “Are you going to get something to drink, or is this just to help aerate the shit?”

She had heard Dorian use that word in relation to booze before, and the fact it made Krem snort into his drink only made it better. Much to her disappointment, Kaaras did stand, carefully though so not to hit his head on anything.

“I actually have to go see Josephine about something but I just had to come tell you.” He reached down, squeezing her in a tight hug before heading for the door. “I'll tell you more later tonight!”

Jackel got her breath back sometime after he left. Shaking her head, she turned back to Krem. He was chuckling as he put his bottle down for a brief moment, maybe to catch some of the left over bouncing effect.

“You're right, he is dense.”

“Thank you! Nobody believed me when I said it last time!” She sulked into her mug. “It's going to take months if I let him do things his own pace.”

That meant months of watching her cousin sigh and mope over whether or not the mage held affection for him when she bloody well knew he did. Bluntly, she just didn't have time for that. There were more important things to be done, like eating cake.

Krem shook his head at her brooding. “Going to interfere, then?”

“Hell yes I am. I leave them alone and they might be dancing around things well into next year.” She drained her mug, then stood. Jackel was a woman with a plan, and that required some rope and a couple cookies before nightfall.

If she did this right, she might cut the brooding time in half, and Skyhold would be better for it.

[ookamirinchan]

Spring Break Part 2: Kuala Lumpur

(Don’t forget to read Part 1)

---------------

The third day of our trip--our last in Singapore--was fairly uneventful. We woke up mid-morning, ate breakfast at our hotel, and headed out to a huge complex near the highway called Golden Mile Complex, where we caught a bus bound for Kuala Lumpur.

Ordinarily the bus ride would take about 4-5 hours. But we failed to factor in a major thing--immigration. It took us an hour to get to the bridge between Singapore and Malaysia, and we sat in traffic there for another hour, just waiting for our bus to pull up close enough to let us out. Then we stood in line for another hour to get our departure stamps. We filed back into the bus, crossed the bridge, and immediately pulled off again to wait in the (thankfully) less crowded Malaysian immigration line. We were through there in about 30 minutes, and finally, finally we were on our way.

We arrived in Kuala Lumpur around 7 and the bus dropped us off in front of a huge shopping center called Berjaya Times Square. After a bit of confusion with the complex public transit system, we boarded a monorail bound for KL Sentral Station, where we caught the LRT to our hotel. We checked in, visited 7-11 for dinner, and went to bed.

Our first morning in Kuala Lumpur, we woke up early and headed back to KL Sentral to catch a train up to Batu Caves. These caves are essentially the #1 thing to do in Kuala Lumpur according to the internet, and we were both pretty excited to go.

The Batu area, which is about 45 minutes from KL, is known for the many caves that can be found in its massive rock faces. Most of the caves have religious artifacts and stories in them, and the main one has a proper temple as well.

When we first arrived, we paid to enter a smaller cave first. This one had dozens of statues depicting a hindu myth, and we spent quite a while walking around and reading the descriptions about all of the statues. We climbed some steps to the top of the cave and then returned to the entrance, ready to head to the main attraction.

On our way, we got distracted by monkeys. Turns out, there are monkeys everywhere in Malaysia. There was some kind of celebration or worship service happening at a temple near the cave we had been in, and there were people with food everywhere. And where there is food in Malaysia, there are always, always monkeys. Most of the Hindu people were feeding fruit to the monkeys, particularly bananas. They were so cute we had to stop and take a few pictures.

When we finally made it through the monkeys, we walked for a little while and soon came to the main cave in Batu. The main cave is pretty hard to miss...out front there is a 43-meter tall statue of Lord Murugan, the Hindu god of war. And beside him there are 272 stairs leading up to the cave’s entrance.

We stopped for selfies and a water break before heading toward the base of the stairs. We had both dressed modestly and passed the dress code check all the foreigners were going through, but as we bypassed the line where foreigners could pay to rent proper clothing we were accosted by a local who handed us each a bucket of sand.

“What do we do with this?” We wondered.

The man who gave them to us gestured up the stairs. “Take. Take.” He said.

So we took the buckets. And then we climbed 272 stairs while carrying large buckets of sand. 

We still don’t know why...?

When we got to the top, there was a big pile of sand and a bunch of buckets sitting next to it still filled with sand. There weren’t any people there, though. So we just kind of awkwardly dropped the buckets and went to the temple.

The temple was pretty cool, but we didn’t stay there very long. Instead, we went back down about half way before stopping off at a third cave, called Dark Cave. You could pay a small amount to take a tour inside the cave to see some cool bats and insects and stuff, so we did that to pass the time.

After the cave, we finished our descent, bought a few souvenirs, and had lunch at a nearby restaurant before catching the train back to KL.

Then we began part two of our day, which was supposed to be us touring the cultural buildings around the city. We visited Jamek Mosque, but it was closed for construction.

Then we went to the Sultan Abdul Samad Building. Also closed for construction.

And as we walked past the textiles museum that was also closed, we gave up on the culture stuff and visited Central Market--aka souvenir heaven--instead.

Really we were just going to walk around for a little, maybe get some ice cream, and then move on. But while we were there, we decided we might as well do some souvenir shopping for our coworkers since there were so many cheap food souvenir stalls. That took a while, and then we went upstairs to buy some clothes because those skirts and Aladdin pants are really cheap and comfortable. And then we went in search of a money exchange place because my friend hadn’t anticipated so much shopping. And then we got something to drink. And then we finally decided we’d spent enough time and money at Central Market, walked toward the exit, and discovered that it was pouring rain. (Welcome to the tropics, the sequel.)

So we wandered around a bit more and stopped to get our feet nibbled on by some fish.

Then it was still pouring, and we got dinner and discussed what we’d do the next day if our afternoon plans got rained out.

Then it was still raining, but not too much, so we went out and headed toward Chinatown.

We only walked around in Chinatown for a bit, both of us full already and completely shopped out. We walked back to our hotel, passing a nearby durian cart and promising to return the next night to try it. We dropped off our many purchases and then went back to the station. It was night, and time to visit the Petronas Towers.

So I guess these towers are a symbol of Malaysia or something. You couldn’t hardly move in Kuala Lumpur without seeing *something* that had a picture of the Petronas Towers on it. So we took a 20 minute LRT ride out to the towers, wandered around aimlessly for a while trying to figure out how to get out of the towers, and finally discovered the park near them. While we were there, there was a lovely light show happening on the pond, so we watched that for a little while. 

Then we took some pictures of the towers and headed back to the hotel only 20 minutes after we’d arrived.

Thus ended our first day in Kuala Lumpur.

---------------

The second day was equally as interesting as the first.

We walked from our hotel through old Kuala Lumpur Station and past the National Mosque (also closed, go figure) before heading out to the day’s main attraction, the Lake Gardens.

The KL Lake Gardens are the place to be if you like the outdoors. The garden is massive and filled to the brim with parks for your enjoyment. Our first stop was the Butterfly Park, where we spent about an hour and a half wandering through a large enclosure filled with over 5000 butterflies. We got some really good pictures, including one of Malaysia’s national butterfly.

Next we went to the Deer Park. Which wasn’t so much a deer park. Because it only had 3 deer. And a bunch of enclosures with  A LOT of chickens. For some reason. We don’t know why. And we didn’t spend long there.

And next was the main attraction at Lake Gardens, the Bird Park. This is the world’s largest free-flight walk-in aviary. That means all the birds are just kind of hanging out on the sidewalk with you instead of in cages. It was a lot of fun. We spent almost 3 hours there, and ate lunch at the extremely overpriced restaurant, too.

When we finished the bird park, we noticed the clouds were rolling in, and so we decided to skip the orchid garden, the botanic garden, and the actual lake in favor of our rainy day plan. We took a taxi out to Berjaya Times Square and went up to the fifth floor where we paid to enter the largest indoor amusement park in Malaysia, where we spent the afternoon riding tacky carnival rides to our heart’s content.

Once our stomachs couldn’t take any more abuse, we left the park and headed back to KL Sentral for dinner. And we stopped at the durian cart on our way back to the hotel, where we both tried the fruit for the first time. It was quite the interesting experience. Didn’t notice the infamous smell so much. The taste wasn’t bad. But the texture was like eating a mushy banana. Weird. But I could see how people might grow to enjoy it.

It was early, but we went back to the hotel. I stayed there, Skyped Mom for a bit, and read. And my friend probably went back out to Chinatown or something, I don’t know. All in all, it was a really nice last day in Malaysia.

--------------------

In all honesty, when I threw Malaysia out there as a destination for our trip, I wasn’t expecting to enjoy it. I figured I might as well check it off the map since it was so close to Singapore and Cambodia, but really, I’d never heard anyone say Malaysia was a nice place to visit. 

But amazingly, it wound up being one of my favorite places I’ve been to. I could definitely see myself going back one day and really exploring the countryside and rain forests. Honestly, Kuala Lumpur was beautiful, modern, and cheap with tons of stuff to do, and we had an amazing time.I was sorry to leave, but happy to head on to the second half of our trip--Cambodia.

(Don’t forget to read Part 3!)