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wonderlustlucas · 5 years

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four - hwang hyunjin

⇢ prompt They say good things come in fours. Who? Couldn’t tell you, but they especially do during Christmas. Maybe that’s just Saint Nick. ⇢ pairing hyunjin x female reader ⇢ word count 11.7k ⇢ genre fluff ⇢ warnings swearing. mentions of alcohol & s e x. teenagerz being teenagerz. insane amount of fluff & stupidity. kind of ends w a smutty cliffhanger. ⇢ summary After suppressing how you felt about Hyunjin back in high school, you thought you were done going back on your feelings. Turns out, a little time apart, the spirit of Christmas, and an accidental nap is the perfect cocktail for falling in love with your best friend.—friends to lovers!au ⇢ a/n hello & merry christmas! here is a gift for you all on this very merry day. also, thank you for 1,000 followers! that in itself is one of the best presents i could ask for. thank you for all your kindness & support on my blog & for following me in the first place! it truly means so much to me. i hope you enjoy reading! ♥︎

big tiddy jinny🍯🧸🌟🖇[now] Sorry! I just woke up

big tiddy jinny🍯🧸🌟🖇[now] Whats wrong fool

big tiddy jinny🍯🧸🌟🖇[now] Did u rlly think 12 texts were gonna wake me up?🤦🏻‍♂️ godt damn u on some WACK shit

You roll your eyes in time with each consecutive text that Hyunjin sends, waiting for the lock screen of your phone to blacken after reading them. He’s about as useless as pedals on a wheelchair, you think, ignoring the texts and forcing the device into the snug back pocket of your jeans before transferring the last two excessively packed grocery bags into the trunk of your car with an exhausted huff. Christ, if the bagging lady put one more item in those bags, she would be the one to blame for six cans of soup rolling about the parking lot.

The license plate rattles when you slam the trunk lid closed before hurrying around to the driver’s side and anxiously hopping inside to start blasting the heat. It is obnoxiously chilly for the first of September. Well, not really. Your body is just beginning to get used to the ungodly wrath of summer’s sweltering heat leaving you in a constant state of sweat and nausea for the past three months. Not that you’re complaining, of course. You nearly did somersaults of joy when the morning news reported a temperature of sixty-one degrees with some wind gusts and welcomed the beginning signs of autumn with open arms.

You would never admit to Mom who told yo uon the way out to change out of a tank top or at least wear a jacket, but yes— you are, in fact, cold. But now you have godsent warmth blowing from the vents and the seat warmer on its highest setting beginning to thaw away the goosebumps painted on your skin. Giving your arms one last rub, you lean up enough to retrieve your phone and open the conversation with Hyunjin.

[2:37 PM] YN: please. smell my balls

[2:37 PM] YN: nothings wrong btw. i was GOING to ask if u wanted any specific snacks for tn buttttt someone didn’t answer

[2:37 PM] YN: and excuse u i called too. i may be an idiot but im not stupid

[2:38 PM] YN: ik u would never hear a text when ur having wet dreams of yeji

You stop there with a smug smirk when the three dots on his side appear, knowing you’ve hit his funny bone with this one.

[2:38 PM] big tiddy jinny🍯🧸🌟🖇: Bruh

[2:38 PM] big tiddy jinny🍯🧸🌟🖇 :I’ve literally never have had a wet dream ab Yeji pls stop

You cannot fight your shit-eating grin, thumbs circling over the keyboard in thought as he apparently deletes whatever other text he was going to send when the three dots disappear.

[2:38 PM] YN: mmhmmmm

[2:38 PM] YN: because last time you slept over you weren’t whimpering her name in ur sleep

[2:38 PM] YN: sureeeee

You decide to end your teasing there and continue once you’re home. It is starting to get late, after all, and Mom will begin to worry that the creepy employee always in aisle sixteen has abducted you. Plus, you’re cruel and like to watch Hyunjin suffer. Switching the ringer off, you throw your phone into the cupholder and drastically lower the heat and turn off the seat warmer. It’s starting to feel like a sauna in here, and not in a fun way. Can’t understand how anyone enjoys hanging out in a sauna to begin with anyway, but to each their own, you guess.

In the five-minute drive it takes until you are pulling into the driveway, Hyunjin calls three times. He is incredibly peeved at your lack of a response to his distressed texts and still wound up from your text about Yeji. As if! You’re already a clown not realizing his ever-growing affections for you, but to think he had a crush on Yeji? You’re the whole damn circus!

By the time he calls a fifth time, now sat up on his elbow in bed and strumming an annoyed beat of his fingers at his thigh because he really just wants to yell at you for being the most annoying person alive (and maybe to hear your voice, too), you have brought in the last of the bags and look to Mom who has started to put the groceries away and expects you to half-heartedly do the same.

“It’s Hyunjin. He’s having an existential crisis because I haven’t answered his texts,” you explain to her, unenthusiastically holding your phone as it vibrates against your palm. Half of you wants her to ask to finish putting everything away first just so you can torture him even longer. Alas, such extravagant wishes are denied, because when it comes to Hyunjin, your parents would undoubtedly throw you under the bus just to keep that boy happy. And so, just like any other time, Mom’s undying love for Hyunjin has her dismissing you from the kitchen with a hearty laugh.

“Jesus Christ! What?” You hiss, halfway up the stairs when you tap to answer his call on the last ring.

“Wow! Look who finally decided to answer!” Hyunjin shouts back, the swoosh of his sheets once he finally falls back against his pillow again rustling all too loudly through the phone. “I was driving,” you spit, marching into your bedroom and collapsing against your bed, the same rustle of your blankets sounding loudly into his ear. “There’s a thing called the speaker, ___. Ever heard of it?” He retorts, evidently shutting you up and he knows he won this round if your silence is anything to go by.

“Whatever,” you groan, using all your toe strength to kick the sneakers off your feet by their soles, “what was so important that you couldn’t wait and had to call me five billion times?”

“I had a question. And you hurt my feelings.” Well, shit. You can practically hear and see his pout through the phone and your heart positively swells in your chest at how undeniably, unjustifiably cute he is. You sigh.

“I’m sorry for making fun of you about Yeji. I’m going to do it again but next time I promise I won’t pull the wet dream card,” you apologize frankly; because, in all honesty, it would be worse to say you are not going to do it again when you most certainly will. Bullying Hyunjin is fun, what can you say?

Hyunjin heaves an exasperated breath from his lungs because he knows there is no point in arguing with quite possibly the most sarcastic human he knows and that’s the best form of an apology he’s going to get. Whatever. He’ll make sure to wipe his morning snot and droll on your shirt in the morning. “Anyway,” he grumbles, in the background you hear Kkami bark from a few rooms over, “I was going to ask if you wanted to come over my place instead? I know your parents probably want to see me and stuff but mine are out of town for the night so we can sleep in my bed until like three without Mom waking us up to force feed breakfast.” You roll your eyes. Of course your parents want to see him.

“Plus, Mom just put that grey comforter I know you really like on my bed so we can cuddle all night and watch stuff on YouTube,” he quickly adds as a convincing afterthought. He’s really got his sales pitch going on this one. Truth is, you have only slept in his bed with that stupidly soft blanket twice last winter break, but it’s still sweet that he remembers how much you loved it (aka how quickly you fell asleep and how grumpy you were being woken up because it’s just that darn cozy). Either way, you would never pass up an opportunity to snuggle up with Hyunjin in the comfort of his own bed with his citrusy, floral scent on the pillows luring you to sleep.

“My Mom is going to be heartbroken, Hyunjin,” you tease, “but who cares. You had me sold at sleeping until three. Do you still want me to bring the snacks I got?”

“Oh, thank God. I love your Mom’s cooking but I haven’t left bed all day and I really want to keep it that way. And yes, please. I’ve been eating dry cereal for the past two hours.”

“Hyunjin, have you brushed your teeth yet?”

“No. Didn’t you just hear me? I said I’ve been in bed all day. Eating cereal. When would I have brushed my teeth?”

“You’ve officially taken breakfast in bed to a whole new level, Jin. I’ll see you in a few hours. Oh, and please, you have no concept of personal space so make sure you brush your teeth before I come over.”

“Yeah, yeah. Whatever. Love ya, bye,” Hyunjin promptly hangs up, probably eager to get back to binging whatever drama he’s watching before you lecture him about his hygiene again. Not that it matters, anyway; chances are, it went in one ear and right out the other and you’re going to drag him out of bed later to brush his teeth.

Damn. You didn’t even get the chance to say love you back. Not that it matters.

It doesn’t, you quickly shut down the pesky thought that keeps you up at night and force it back into the storage part of your brain labeled ‘Deal with Later,’ because, really, you’ll have to think about that later. It’s not that you don’t want to think about it yet… you just don’t have the time to stop and really figure out what your feelings toward Hyunjin actually are. Yeah. That’s it.

And now isn’t the time, you tell yourself, scooting up the mattress in order to bury your face in the pillows to suffocate the pounding throb in your head. Hyunjin is nothing special.

Well, no. That’s a lie. Everything about Hyunjin is special. Anyone with eyes, ears, even a nose can sense that. You had quickly found out just how wonderful he is when you met him freshman year of high school. At the time, he was everyone’s sweetheart by the first day, but it just so happened his eyes were all on you.

He was obviously adorable, and every class you had together he always made a point to talk to you and returned your sarcasm with an impressive level of expertise. So, when it came to him asking you to the first homecoming, the answer was yes without a second thought. But during the last slow dance of the night, with his hands gently holding your waist, he at last listened to his conscience and revealed that as much as he liked you, he truly did not want to date in high school. Or right then, at least. And honestly, you were glad; Hyunjin was quite possibly your favorite person you had met thus far, and you would have rather kept him as a friend than commit to a relationship the second month of school and risk losing him later down the road.

And boy, keep him as a friend you did. As it turned out, Hyunjin grew to be your truest, best friend in high school. Sure, you each had your own friend groups, but the two of you were the iconic pair everybody knew. But strictly platonic, despite the rumors and wishes that went around for the next four years. You like to think that neither of you ever developed feelings past what everyone feels toward their best friend— an innocent, wholesome sort of love.

But when had things changed? Hormones, as always, were definitely a big part of it. Hyunjin was always a cutie, but it wasn’t until he grew into his own skin and developed a newfound confidence did you start to see him differently. Until everyone saw him differently. Neither of you missed the way people stared him down, pupils dilating every time he ran his fingers through the black tufts of his hair, hearts aching for some sort of interaction. Or when you started attending parties, groups of girls would fling themselves at him in a blundering disarray, most of which he would turn down with a gentle dismissal that flew over their heads, too drunk to actually care.

But then there were times his dick made the decision for him, desperation and deprivation weighing in on him and you’d watch with a tight jaw as he’d leave the room with the pretty girl of the night skipping after him. You never realized it was only on those nights did you wind up in the back seat of Han Jisung’s car.

But even after the physical attraction sizzled out over time, things were not the same. Hyunjin wasn’t your hidden little treasure anymore. All eyes were set on him and it took more than a glass of water to swallow your jealousy. But why? Why were you so resentful all of a sudden?

It’s hard to share Hwang Hyunjin, you decided. Once established that you were his main hoe and he was yours, it became a significant burden watching others try and get in between. Not that they did it with a malicious attempt to separate you, but it still hurt. You’re selfish, and you admit it— Hyunjin, quite frankly, is the love of your life. Romantic or not, nothing could change your feelings toward him. It goes beyond his unfathomable beauty and spunky personality. Everything about him from his nose to his hands, to his distaste for onions and the way his face scrunches up when he lets out that giggle of his and even to the way he prefers to sleep against the wall but will force you to when you’re over so he can “protect you in case there’s a monster” all mount into this big, giant section of your heart set aside for Hyunjin.

So despite your efforts to ignore the pang of jealousy each time he would find a potential someone or the joy whenever he’d find his way back because “they kept wanting to hang out in the morning even though I said I don’t wake up before noon,” this Hyunjin-shaped hole in your heart seems to only grow the longer you ignore it. Kind of like every medical condition out there: the longer you ignore it, the worse it gets. So, basically Hyunjin is your heart disease.

Yikes. Sounds a lot worse when you try putting it into words.

Well, he won’t be your heart defect for long if he keeps ruining those pearly whites of his by only brushing once just before bed, you chuckle to yourself, rolling to your side at the sudden lack of oxygen between your face and the pillow. There’s a fleeting moment without thought when you unconsciously reach for your phone to check for any notifications before the fattest revelation of them all falls from the ceiling and smacks you right upside the face.

Shit. Looks like you’ve gone right ahead and totally dissected each and every fiber of your feelings for Hyunjin.

Blinking up at the ceiling, the weight of your emotions isn’t as heavy as you expected them to be. Instead, it’s more of a breath of fresh air, as if you have finally accepted the way things fell instead of ignoring them. Your feelings for Hyunjin have always been there. It just took a little effort to get them out.

Nevertheless, it is going to be difficult hanging out with him in a few hours with your exposed emotions still needing to be processed. Especially when he will pull you to his side and keep you nestled there the entire night. Rubbing your temples, you realize it will take some serious self-control to put everything on the back burner and just enjoy the time spent with Hyunjin.

Sighing, you check the time on your phone again. 3:21 and a text from Hyunjin asking if you could bring green tea.

“Mom!” You yell, defeated. “You were right!”

You used to think Hyunjin lived far away. Truthfully, he’s only fifteen minutes away if you go ten over the speed limit. But the only way to get to his house entails driving through the chaos of the mall and town center, which adds an extra ten minutes sitting through traffic no matter the time of day.

Now, Hyunjin’s college campus is two hours away. Well, technically five from you, since you’re almost three hours away in the opposite direction. So you’re lucky if you get to see him once a month with how hectic school becomes and how difficult it is trying to plan to come home the same weekend. Fortunately, it has worked out this semester. And while you should spend this time with your families, they know how much you crave one another’s company as the weeks drag on. The twenty-two minutes it takes getting to each other’s homes is totally worth it.

You expect Hyunjin to tell you to use the key hidden underneath the resin meditating frog statue in the front garden to unlock the front door when you text him you have arrived, but to your utmost surprise, he’s there, awake, to open the door for you.

“Stinky!” You yell, dropping your things on the floor to burry yourself in his embrace, standing on your tippy toes to wrap your arms around his neck in order to really get the full experience of hugging your favorite giant. “Poopy!” He shouts in return, long arms winding tightly around your waist and even going so far as to lift you up a few inches. God. Hate when he does that.

“Why are you up? I thought I’d have to let myself in with you sleeping all your problems away,” you ask, smiling gratefully when he bends down to pick up your bag. “I realized Kkami hadn’t been out all day, so I came down to let him out and find actual food,” Hyunjin explains as he makes way into the kitchen, opening the back door to let said dog back inside. “Aw, poor thing,” you pout, squatting to scratch at Kkami’s neck when he zooms faster than the speed of light to you, “does that mean you brushed your teeth?”

“I did, actually,” Hyunjin snorts right back, scrunching his nose at you before turning away to open the fridge. Sitting on the floor with Kkami in your lap, you take the opportunity to finally get a good look at Hyunjin now that he’s distracted. And of course, he looks good. Really good. Last time you saw him he still was a brunette, a look he rocked during the spring and summer months. This is the first time you’ve seen the freshly dyed black hair in person. Even though he always looks handsome, something about Hyunjin with black hair completely changes his aura. Brings back memories of how badly you wanted him in high school. You shiver at the thought.

And, to top it all off, how he manages to stay in such disgustingly good shape despite his atrocious eating habits never ceases to amaze you. Like, come on. The boy eats worse than a raccoon seven days out of the week, lives off boba, works out maybe five times a month, dances in his free time and still keeps his body in tiptop shape. God, you hate him. His pediatrician probably hates him, too. You even go as far as to sniff the fries in your dining hall and you gain five pounds.

Even now, he looks unnecessarily regal in the baggy material of his sweatpants and flannel. And the warmth of his kitchen’s ambient lighting does nothing to suppress the heavy thumping of your heart. So casual is his dress, yet how immaculate he looks rummaging the cabinets for a snack.

“Are you hungry?” He asks, the familiar softness of his voice shaking you from your daze as he closes the refrigerator door after his unsuccessful search. Here’s the thing: you really aren’t hungry, but Hyunjin clearly is, so if you say no then all he will be thinking about is food until you decide that you are hungry. “Yeah,” is what you say, nudging Kkami off your crossed legs to stand, “I brought green tea and a few snacks, but we could order Chinese food or something. The place near Dunkin’ and the gas station makes bubble tea now, too.”

Hyunjin’s brows shoot up, flashing his boxy smile. “Is it good?”

“I mean, I’ve only had their pork dumplings and mango tea before, and it was pretty good. I don’t know about their noodles or anything, though,” you shrug, moving to stand beside him at the kitchen island. Distracted by Kkami trying to jump onto the sofa in the living room, you don’t look to Hyunjin until the poor dog is successful in doing so. Startled to find him already gazing down at you, your heart truly is not prepared for him to go right ahead and wrap his arms around your waist, resting his chin on your shoulder. Totally not freaking out or trying to overthink his need to constantly cling, you justify his actions by quickly recalling the time he said, “My head is too godtdamn big for my godtdamn body.” More like his head is too heavy because instead of a brain it’s just a chunk of cement up there. He just needs to rest his head sometimes.

Yeah.

“Mm, I don’t know,” Hyunjin hums, swaying your body with his to an unheard tune. By now, any coherent thought has dissipated into thin air and all you can do is melt against him. “Why?” You manage.

“’Cus if we order anything that means I’ll have to get up and get it.”

“Oh my God, Hyunjin, really?” You laugh. Your hands naturally glide to where his are linked at your stomach, pressing to interlock your fingers overtop his. “If that’s the only reason for your uncertainty than I could always come get it, idiot.”

“No! It’s okay,” Hyunjin says, jumping back before you can even process it, “I’m not that hungry anyway.”

“Ohhh ‘kay,” you laugh breathlessly, whiplashed by the whole thing. Good thing you aren’t hungry, because when was the last time Hyunjin turned down food? Blinking at him precariously, he doesn’t seem to notice until one too many seconds of silence pass by.

“C’mon,” he demands excitedly, jumping back into reality, “my roommate told me to watch this anime called Soul Eater but I wanted to watch it with you.” Once again, before anything can even register past every single That Was Cute™ alarm ringing in your brain, Hyunjin is grabbing your bag and reaching for your hand, leading you out of the kitchen and upstairs.

You and Hyunjin binge aforementioned anime until he falls asleep first around 2 AM, only stopping to order food an hour in (he’s an indecisive man indeed), to get up to retrieve it, and to actually eat while catching up. For most of the night, you are able to forget the way his heartbeat against your back mirrored your own in the kitchen. But then, a little while after you fall asleep yourself, Hyunjin unconsciously shifts closer and you spend another hour blinking at his relaxed hand twitching against your abdomen, trying to keep the hurricane inside your heart at bay.

You can’t make it home October. Hyunjin texted you to let you know he was going to be the third weekend in, and you tried desperately to manage your time in order to make it work. But one group project in chem lead to another paper in psych and before you knew it, your roommate was listening to you sob over a boy and curse out your classes.

September left you emotionally wrecked, to be totally honest. You hate Hyunjin and you hate the way he makes you feel and you especially hate how realizing you have a crush on him makes you unsure if everything he does is his way of hinting he feels the same or if he’s always been this touchy and you are just now recognizing it. So, missing a month of seeing your favorite human being essentially means missing another day of trying to decipher which actions of his go in the Friend list, and which go in the Questionable list. And that, my friend, is unacceptable.

You absolutely cannot not go home this month. November is the calm before the storm (the storm being exams looming the second week of December), and while it would be beneficial maybe staying on campus to continue preparing, you tell yourself going home will be just as helpful. Mental breaks, and stuff. Totally not just to see Hyunjin.

Either way, Hyunjin asks you if you would join him on the seventeenth to go to his second cousin’s christening and you absolutely cannot say no when you know how bored Hyunjin gets at family events when they aren’t for him. And so, fast forward to the third Sunday of November and you are ready to pass out ten minutes after entering the church.

“I’m so happy for you two! I always knew you would last into college,” one of Hyunjin’s aunts exclaims, pinching your cheeks but the only pinch you feel is that of your heart.

Clearly she is misinformed, or just prone to jumping to conclusions but yet again, you can’t really blame her with how couple-y you and Hyunjin are. Past the single tunnel vision of your gaze, you watch her smile falter when Hyunjin goes rigid beside you and oh my God this is the most embarrassing moment of my life, his whole family thinks we’re dating and here we are still stuck in each other’s friendz—

“I’m glad you think so, imo,” Hyunjin suddenly picks up, sneaking an arm around to rest his hand on your hip, tugging you close, “I don’t know what I’ll do if she ever decides to leave me.”

It’s nice to think that he means it, to imagine that you are here not as a tag-along but to join him in a family ceremony because you are part of the family. The thought turns your blood to sugar and everything surrounding you falls apart; you listen to the rest of their conversation without processing it, the precise detailing in the marble pillars blurs into a mass of white, and you still feel his strong hold on the curve of your waist yet you are lost in the swam of possibilities.

How lovely it would be to live up to her assumption. To ‘last into college’ as a couple, not as best friends. To be able to call him yours even when you’re not together, to come home and kiss his lips, to sleep in his bed and it mean more than the laziness of blowing up the air mattress. At some point, he leads you into the third pew to sit beside his parents, and when you greet them with a hug all you can think about is them viewing you as more than their son’s friend.

God, you hate it.

You’re not as religious as Hyunjin and his family. But for the first time in years, you find yourself looking to the crucifix during the service and praying to whoever is up there to give you some strength and patience, because Lord do you need it.

Hyunjin is a funny guy.

Or so he thinks.

It’s not that he isn’t funny. It’s just— compared to your friends Minho or Changbin, he isn’t at the top of the list. When you think of Hyunjin, the first words that pop up are soft, loud, and dramatic.

It’s not that he isn’t funny. He’s just weird.

Insanely, ridiculously weird. For example, the time he called Jeongin a vitamin. Or the time he slapped half a bottle of sunscreen on his face. Or his random bouts of dancing at inappropriate moments. Just to name a few.

After the Baptism, Hyunjin acted like nothing happened. Didn’t even bring it up. Not even a joke. After the ceremony, you joined his family for a luncheon, which just involved the two of you being weird and making peculiar dancing videos on SnapChat with the swirly filter and complaining about school for a few hours until he drove you home. Obviously you stopped for food again on the way.

But that was it. Things went on as normal, and you returned to campus later that night and forced the whole experience to the back of your brain. It was officially grind season, and grind season meant studying for exams. No parties. No boys. And certainly no Hyunjin.

You both were home for winter break in the blink of an eye. And in normal Hyunjin style, he sort of vanished for the first week. Probably catching up on his strict sleeping schedule, you presumed, and accepted the fact that it was going to be a few days before you saw or even heard from him. The only anticipation you felt was wanting to give him his Christmas gift.

After what seems like an eternity away from Hyunjin, you get out of the shower on this fine Saturday before Christmas to find a slew of texts from him.

[5:52 PM] big tiddy jinny🍯🧸🌟🖇: Aloha mamacita

[5:52 PM] big tiddy jinny🍯🧸🌟🖇: How do u feel about getting froyo tn

[5:52 PM] big tiddy jinny🍯🧸🌟🖇: We can get fat and then u can sleepover aaaand

[5:52 PM] big tiddy jinny🍯🧸🌟🖇: We can stare at the wall for a few hours

[5:52 PM] big tiddy jinny🍯🧸🌟🖇: And

[5:53 PM] big tiddy jinny🍯🧸🌟🖇: *cough*

[5:53 PM] big tiddy jinny🍯🧸🌟🖇: Exchange Jesus gifts

See? Weird. Who wants froyo when it’s thirty degrees out?

[5:53 PM] YN: “aloha mamacita”

[5:53 PM] YN: uHmmmMMM

[5:53 PM] YN: im down mr president

[5:54 PM] YN: why do u want ice cream in winter tho. don’t u want like

[5:54 PM] YN: hot chocolate or seomthing

Obviously not. Two hours later, Hyunjin arrives to pick you up for froyo despite all your efforts in convincing him maybe you could take the train to the city and watch a light show, or simply drive around and swoon over the rich people houses and their Christmas decorations. He didn’t budge. This leads you to your second question of the day: why is it that when you threw on sweats for the occasion you called yourself a hag, but upon entering Hyunjin’s car you make a mental note of how hot he looks when he’s wearing the same exact thing? You groan at the thought. It’s because it’s Hyunjin, of course.

“Bonjour, mademoiselle,” he greets, flicking your forehead once you settle into the seat of his Subaru WRX because he’s a hotshot and likes to flex that he can drive a manual. Not really— the car is absolute garbage by now, having been his Dad’s old car (his Dad likes to flex too, apparently). However, Hyunjin takes care of it enough for it to seem five years old instead of ten, and, either way, watching him work the stick shift is unexplainably hot.

You swat his hand away. “Drive, bitch,” you huff, twisting to buckle yourself in. Once he’s reversed out of your driveway, you glance back to find him fighting against a devilish smirk.

“So,” you start once he has navigated out of your neighborhood. His brow twitches up. “Are you taking Hawaiian and French at school? You’ve been throwing quite a lot of languages at me recently.” Hyunjin shoots you an unamused look. You return it with a wrinkle of your nose.

“Anyway,” he ignores your teasing, pausing to switch gears for whatever reason so he can make it through a yellow light, “how did your exams go?”

“Well, you know…” You trail off, looking to your window. It feels a lot later than eight o’clock. With it getting dark so early in the evening nowadays, it feels as if nighttime is always following you.

“You know… what?” Hyunjin interrupts your daze, concern laced in his voice. “They were fine. I passed everything, I’m just worried about my major,” you explain sadly, barely glancing at him before you are turning back to the window to stare at the moon. Must be nice being a moon. Just get to hang out in the sky watching everyone and being watched.

“I mean, if you want to switch, now’s the time. Better do it now before the second semester,” Hyunjin advises, wise as always. Not really, but he’s right. “What are you thinking of going into?”

Yikes. He’s going to kill you.

“Nursing,” you blurt.

“Oh my Lanta, ___, are you serious?” He groans, stopping at a convenient red light presenting the perfect opportunity for him to smack his forehead on the wheel. Dramatic. “How are you gonna manage that? You’ll practically be two years behind everyone else!”

“I know,” you sigh, throwing your head back on the headrest, “that’s the problem. Bio just isn’t doing it for me. I don’t think I can spend the rest of my life in a lab watching mitosis. I need something more rewarding, so theoretically nursing is a perfect start. I don’t know, though.”

“Why don’t you switch to interior design or something? We could get our own HGTV show, ___,” he says, but you don’t meet his gaze when he glances over because beneath his words, you can sense some serious hopefulness. Interior design would be cool, but you’ve never considered that as a career choice. You once helped your parents pick out everything when they redid a bathroom at home and that turned out great, but as a major?

“I don’t know, man. I’ll have to talk to my counselor about it, I guess,” you shrug, pulling the hood of your sweatshirt over your head and tightening the drawstrings until the material covers your eyes, “why can’t you audition to be a K-pop star or something? I could be your manager. Heck, even your makeup artist. I’ve done your makeup before, remember?”

Hyunjin laughs, loud, and the sound sinks deep into your heart and makes you feel warm all over. Stress? Gone.

For the next few minutes or so, the ride is comfortably quiet. At some point, he turns on the radio and Mariah Carey’s “All I Want For Christmas Is You” floods your brain and reminds you to look forward to exchanging Christmas gifts later. God, you hope he likes it. You really went out on the sentimental gifts this year.

Hood shielding your vision, you jump when his large hand suddenly comes to grab the top of your head, squeezing hard and you imagine he’s trying to press some hopefulness into your brain. “Hand on the penis stick, Hwang,” you bark, blindly reaching for his own head across the way and pulling his ear when you do so. Good Lord, you hope no one can see into the car because… what.

Hyunjin lets out a giggle this time, reaching to pull you into a headlock and even though he’s got your head shoved up against his sturdy chest and goes on to give you a noogie, you’re stuck being all high and loopy on the sound of his happiness. And hey, it’s nice to know you’re the cause of it.

“We’re literally parked, idiot. If you had your hood down you would’ve realized,” Hyunjin snickers, releasing you after watching you struggle for a few seconds. Jerking away from him, you swiftly pull back your hood. “Oh,” you laugh, reading the flashy Yogo Factory sign above the building in front of you, “you could’ve just told me instead of watching me bask in misery.”

Hyunjin suitably ignores your moaning and groaning by getting out of the car and standing in front of the car, illuminated by the headlights. Why? Why must he look so scrumptious in his black hoodie and grey sweatpants and four-year-old white Nike sneakers? He has no gosh darn right!

After fixing the mess he made of your hair, you at last join him outside the car, shooting him another glare and moving ahead of him to open the shop’s door without waiting for him. “From now on, we have to start texting each other what we’re wearing before we go out, ‘cus this looks a little ri-donk-ulous,” Hyunjin whispers in your ear as you make your way to the cup selection, trying to ignore all the stares you— no, he is getting along the way.

“What do you mean?” You ask, plucking two medium sized cups up before turning to look at him. Then you look down at yourself. Oh. Looks like you’re both wearing the hoodie from junior spirit week. “Nice.” Just Couple Things™!

Back to Hyunjin being weird— why did he drag you all the way out here just to get a cup of chocolate frozen yogurt and maybe half a scoop of peanut butter chips?

Meanwhile, he watches in absolute disgust as you blow through your own dessert. Vanilla yogurt with probably every topping offered because you physically cannot make a decision, especially when they have chunks of cookie dough up there.

“So,” Hyunjin starts, trying not to look you in the eye considering you look like a goblin shoveling globs of diabetes down your throat, “have you talked to Jisung recently?”

You choke on a Fruity Pebble at his inquiry, prompting him to reach across the table and slap your back a few times until your esophagus is cleared. “Ugh,” clearing your throat one last time, you take a few sips of water while shooting him a glare. Jisung? Really? “How dense are you?” You hiss unintentionally.

Hyunjin raises his hands in defense. “Just a question.”

Yeah, just a question. Dumbass. “I mean,” you laugh awkwardly, “not really. We have a streak on Snap and sometimes we’ll talk occasionally but I don’t text him every day or anything. How about you?”

He shrugs, concentrating instead on stirring his yogurt into a goopy mess. “Eh. We still use our group chat a lot but that’s it. He’s too busy making music in Malaysia.”

You chuckle at this, picking out the boba from your own cup and leaving the rest now that it has started to look like something sold at the Chum Bucket. “That sucks,” you offer, not the best at giving him consolidation, you opt for linking your feet around his own in some weird act of intimacy, “isn’t he coming home for the holidays, though? I’m sure you can all have a reunion soon.”

“Yeah, he is,” Hyunjin hums, suddenly too focused on trying to escape your trap under the table. Annoyed Hyunjin is cute. “Stoooop,” he whines, kicking at your shins before breaking into boisterous laughter at your relentlessness, “I will not hesitate to throw this cup at your face.”

“Yeah, right,” you scoff, “I’d like to see you try.”

At this, Hyunjin drops his stupidly long arms beneath the table and easily captures your foot by the ankle, pulling hard enough for you to slip down your side of the booth. “Hyunjin!” You shriek, panicking slightly at your sweaty hand’s insecure grip against the leather. You’re going to fall. You’re going to fall flat on your ass underneath a table at a frozen yogurt place because the boy you like pulled your foot too hard. Fantastic. Ignoring you, he starts to wiggle your shoe off your foot no matter how hard you try to squirm out of his relentless grip. “Stop trying to eat my toes in the middle of Yogo!”

Finally, he releases your foot, letting it fall limp against his thigh.

“God,” you huff, breathless as you squirm back up your seat, cheeks burning ferociously, “you are such an ass.”

Behind the playful smirk he fails to hide, something darker glints in Hyunjin’s eyes and it makes your heart skip a beat. Then, “We should go.” The suggestion makes the heat of your blush scorch even hotter down your neck and you instinctively turn away, only to find the customers on the other side of the shop watching you with just as perturbed looks. Fantastic, part two.

“Okie,” you squeak out, blinking after him in complete and total bewilderment as to what just happened when he gets up to throw his trash away. Whatever. Following after him, you too toss your cup out before quickly finding your hand engulfed by his larger one as he leads you back outside, the sudden sharpness of the cold air bringing tears to your eyes. You desperately want to ask him what that was about, or why he’s acting so sneaky, but you stay silent, too afraid your voice will come out shaky and vulnerable. Instead, you let him tug you into his side and try to keep up with him no matter how badly your knees threaten to buckle with each glance you sneak up at him.

It’s silent when you enter the car, watching warily as he reverses out of the parking spot and maneuvers through the lot. Your heart rate seemingly cannot slow itself down, adrenaline taking the place of oxygen the longer you stare at him, at the concentrated scrunch to his face, at the cute tip of his button nose and at the swell of his lips and you distantly wonder what would happen if you pulled him into a kiss at the next red light.

In the midst of your daydream Hyunjin clears his throat, bringing you back to reality and you realize with a startle that he has caught you. Jesus Christ! What has gotten into you? You mentally smack yourself upside the head, instantly turning away from his cocky little gaze and staring straight ahead in search of something else to focus on. “___,” he sing-songs, slow and sensual and entirely demolishing the walls you have built around yourself. It is at this red light you wish to simply open the door and run.

“Yes?” You manage, wincing at how small your voice sounds and while looking out his window instead of into his eyes, you notice him grip the steering wheel hard enough to turn his knuckles white. The tension is insurmountable, weighing in heavily on your chest and you desperately wish to arrive home, even though that means having to survive the next twelve hours with him. Anything is better than the small confines of his car.

“What do you want to do when we get home?” He asks, cool as a cucumber. You pale. It is a dangerous question and you do not know if he realizes that. “Um,” you cough, scooting to sit up straight, “whatever you want.” You whisper the last part, genuinely petrified because you have absolutely no idea if your brain is twisting everything to make it seem like Hyunjin is flirting or if things are totally normal. No idea.

“Hm,” he offers, tilting his head in thought, “we shall see.”

Yeah. We shall.

The rest of the ride is quiet, comfortably or uncomfortably you cannot say because you are too busy trying to calm the Spongebob burning office scene occurring inside your own head, hopelessly telling yourself that everything is fine, Hyunjin’s fine, you’re fine. Just pretend like nothing happened, you tell yourself when Hyunjin pulls into his driveway with practiced ease. “Ugh,” he groans after retrieving your bag from the back seat, and you watch with a raised brow as he skips up to his porch, yelling, “I have to pee!”

“Begone with you, piss boy,” you tease, holding the screen door open for him as he struggles to unlock the storm door and pulling on one of his hoodie’s drawstrings just to annoy him. “Stop,” he growls, low and playful but nevertheless sending a swarm of butterflies to your tummy. You ignore him. Finally unlocking the door, Hyunjin shoves the keys into his pocket and seizes your wrist, yanking your arm down with enough force to nearly topple you into him. “Why are you being so annoying tonight?” He frowns at you, nose and brows scrunched in irritation and it is only because of his proximity do you finally soften up.

“Sorry,” you pout back, bringing your other hand up to boop his nose, “I just missed ya.”

“Ew,” he snorts, stepping past the threshold and kicking off his shoes. You follow suit, closing the door behind you and clicking the lock into place as Kkami comes sprinting over. “B-R-B,” Hyunjin announces, presumably bouncing away to the bathroom.

“Oh, boy,” you huff, squatting to pick up the fluffy little dog and hugging him close to your chest, “your dad is making my life very difficult.” Pressing a quick kiss to the top of his head, you put Kkami back down and grab your bag before heading upstairs, knowing Hyunjin is going to take his grand old time and probably take a shit while he’s at it. Plus, you’re impatient and dying to take your bra off.

Aside from what light his Gudetama nightlight offers, Hyunjin’s room is ultimately left dark. Here’s the thing: he used to have a lamp on his dresser, but then he took it with him to college and only brings it home for summer because he’s lazy and sleeps the majority of the time he’s home, anyway. Instead, he put up his little remote-controlled Christmas tree in addition to the lava lamp he has beside his bed. Perfect. For Hyunjin, at least.

Switching both of these on, their subtle glow offers just enough to keep you from banging your toe against something. It’s happened one too many times. Hyunjin’s room isn’t messy— he really isn’t a messy person to begin with, but he will reorganize the furniture in his room fifty times a year and you never know where the crooked leg to his bedside table will be to ambush your pinky toe.

Setting your bag onto his bed, you excitedly fumble past all your layers and unclasp your bra, maneuvering out of it with a delighted exhale just as Hyunjin begins his ascent up the stairs, steps creaking loudly under his heavy trudging. “I’m an idiot,” he grumbles, leaning against the doorframe to catch his breath.

You don’t bother to look at him, opting to quickly retort instead, “We been knew.”

“Ugh,” Hyunjin groans, exasperated, and you finally turn to him after successfully jamming aforementioned undergarment into your bag, “anyways. I don’t know why I didn’t just come up here, because I have to wash my face anyway and you do too and now we’re both going to have to share a sink.”

“Aw,” you coo, tone dripping with sarcasm as you pat his arm, “poor baby has to share the bathroom.”

“I’m actually going to strangle you,” he sighs, nevertheless following after you into the bathroom.

“Kinky.”

Hyunjin glares, unamused as he opens a drawer for his pink bow hairband and your striped pink and blue one that he bought for you, but keeps here for sleepovers. Yeah. He throws it to your face. “Sorry,” you offer, pulling the soft headband up to hold your hair back, “I’ll try to stop. I’m just so used to annoying you.”

“Clearly,” he scoffs, flashing his stupidly cute teasing smile and in your head, you imagine raising a white flag in surrender— he’s got you, he’s won, it’s over. Time to call it quits and head home. Evidently shut up (for now), you offer him a roll of your eyes before turning on the sink to wet your hands before pumping out some of his scrumptious watermelon face wash. Maybe if you scrub hard enough, you’ll manage to rinse away all the overwhelming thoughts of the night, too.

Barefaced Hyunjin is immaculate. Well, Hyunjin is immaculate twenty-four hours out of the day, but barefaced, freshly washed, hair messy, ready for bed Hyunjin is immaculate, and you are one of the few people lucky enough to see this eighth wonder of the world as often as you do.

Now, maybe it has something to do with the unexpected ambiance the light from his laptop, Christmas lights, and lava lamp have created together that makes him look so unfairly beautiful at this given moment. Or, you’re just insanely pussywhipped and looking for an excuse. You try not to think about it.

“Why are you so squirmy tonight?” He asks, frustrated enough to interrupt Kermit singing ‘Shawty I don’t mind’ playing from his laptop. “I’m not,” you defend, a weak argument indeed, given that you have just finished adjusting your position beside him for the umpteenth time.

“I mean, four female Ghostbusters? The feminists are taking over! I’m an ad—”

“___, you’ve touched my dick like four times. Don’t try and tell me you’re not squirmy. What’s wrong?” Hyunjin interrupts a second Vine, and even goes on to talk over ‘I have the power of God and anime on my side!’ like a lunatic. Oh Christ, you have? Surely you would have noticed. “Sorry,” you mumble, embarrassed as you bury your face into the curve of his pectoral and instinctively move your leg settled between his away, “I’m just hot, to be honest.” Technically, it is not a lie. Hyunjin’s family definitely keeps their thermostat at a higher temperature than yours and you always manage to sweat your ass off every time you come over. This time, however, you are certain it has more to do with the assault your heart is facing rather than your sweat glands.

At the sound of his tap against the spacebar to pause the video, you wordlessly and reluctantly sit up from your comfortable spot beside him in order to rid yourself of your heavy sweatshirt. Now, here lies the problem. Sweatshirt: off. Nipples: out. Realistically, Hyunjin has seen your boobs a number of times over the past few years, and even if he hadn’t, he probably wouldn’t even bat an eye. But right now, your heart is on the line, you’re embarrassed and you’re trying to play it extremely safe.

You toss the hoodie to the floor and nestle right back where you were anyway, slinging your right arm over his torso and ignoring his sharp intake of breath when you snuggle closer. “Better?” He asks, voice strained and it literally makes you nauseous. “Yep.”

He resumes the video. You had started early in the night watching Pom Poko, which unsurprisingly ended with the two of you crying at the bittersweet ending, then moved to TikTok compilations on YouTube to cheer up before moving on from them and onto the classic Vine compilations. You paid good attention for the most part, chuckling along with him to ‘What up, I’m Jared, I’m nineteen and I never fucking learned how to read,’ ‘Bruh chill, I don’t know why you in a big time rush,’ and all the other absolute comedic masterpieces. But after the fourth or fifth video of the same six second clips with an occasional rare one, you began to grow bored and decided to do what you do best: admire Hyunjin.

Sure, ‘Come get yo juice!’ followed by the loud smash of the oven made you smile, but you found the flashing lights casting shadows beneath Hyunjin’s eyes and lips much more fascinating. Of course, this is not the first time you have been held so close to him. But it is, however, all too easy to get lost in the sight of him and you’ve noticed recently that you are in desperate need of a map. Whether it’s due to your time away from him or simply an appreciation for untouched beauty you do not know.

Even now, your gaze flickers to his laptop once you hear ‘Get to Del Taco,’ but having already watched it five thousand times you tilt your head upward to catch Hyunjin’s silent giggle at ‘free-sha-voca-do.’ It’s a vicious cycle, really, going back and forth between wanting to simply enjoy the night and realizing enjoying the night lies totally in Hyunjin’s presence. And so, you continue to fall into this trap each time until you pay no mind to the videos at all, basking in the brilliance of Hyunjin’s joyous smile and the warmth his happiness makes you feel. It is this thought that slowly tugs you to sleep, a fight to keep your heavy eyelids open lost until finally, you give in to the comfort and allow yourself to drift off to the sound of ‘Step the fuck up, Kyle.’

You think you are dreaming.

You think.

“___,” the softness of Hyunjin’s voice at the crown of your head eases you from the clutches of sleep and you stretch your locked limbs before curling further into his side. “We didn’t open presents.” Even though you can’t see him, you can hear his pout, and you realize you must be awake to hear the disappointed words caught sluggishly between his lips so vividly. You hum, hesitant to open your eyes because you really want to go back to sleep. Just for a little while. And so, you ask, “What time is it?”

“Just past two,” he whispers.

You hum again, trying to formulate a sensible sentence in the parts of your brain still asleep, “We can… wake up at four. And open gifts. Okay?”

“Okay, weirdo,” Hyunjin chuckles to himself, sliding lower down the mattress after shutting his laptop.

You think you are dreaming.

You think.

You can’t remember ever falling asleep facing each other. But yet again, your brain is clouded beyond capability and now, you know for certain you are dreaming. Hyunjin never faces you.

Blinking slowly, it takes a few seconds for your eyes to adjust to the impenetrable darkness and you struggle to make out the features of Hyunjin’s face. You know you are dreaming, and so you tug him closer, throwing a leg over his thigh and an arm over his waist. Even in your sleep, you feel the sadness pricking at your heart, for even it knows this is only what dreams are made of. You like to make the best of it.

“You know I love you, Jinnie, right?” Your voice comes out funny, drawn out and mumbled like your tongue is numb and you fight the urge to feel for yourself.

“Of course I do. I love you too.” His reply surprises you. You thought he was asleep and, either way, hearing such fond words from him puts your heart at ease. He must be misunderstood.

“No. I mean like… I like you, love you. Like I want to kiss you… kiss you good morning and before bed love you. Send you hearts and take stupid couple pics and… go on dumb dates love you. You know?” Your words feel garbled and incomprehensible the longer you go on, trying to express how you feel when nothing is real proving to be increasingly difficult. God, if only you could do it when things are real.

You start to feel yourself slipping as he mutters a reply, mind in free fall and fuck, fuck, fuck, he’s whispering and you can’t hear him but you are too tired and helpless to wake yourself up to hear it. No, too lost in the next dream to go back. You can’t tell what is real and what isn’t. Christ, were you awake? You can’t tell. All you know is that you are warm, so, so warm and letting sleep take over you once more is the best answer to all your questions.

Hyunjin always says he hates waking people up. Because he’s normally the one needing to be awoken, whenever the roles are swapped he doesn’t know what he’s supposed to do.

This time, however, he takes it upon himself to repeatedly smack your face with his pillow. Not a fun experience when it’s coming from someone who fails to recognize his own strength. “Jesus, fuck! Okay!” You hiss, the cloud of sleep abruptly ripped away from you with the slap of his pillow against your skin. Arms raised defensively in front of you, you catch his next swing and tear the pillow out of his grasp to shield yourself all before you have even opened your eyes. When you do so, with the blatant intention just to find where he is and hurl the pillow at him, you are met with the harsh light from his ceiling fan and have to squint past the stinging white light to see his shit-eating grin.

“Was that necessary?” You groan, undeniably annoyed and wanting to glare at him more but needing to rub the ache out of your eyes. “Yes,” is all he says, reaching for your bag and catapulting it to you. He is incredibly lucky you are quick enough to catch it before it thumps against your head. What has gotten into him? Did he eat an entire bag of Pixy Stix while you were asleep? You watch, still dazed from sleep and reeling from the whole pillow smacking attack, as he flings open his closet door and turns back around with two neatly wrapped boxes. You squint to make out the dancing Santa T-rex wrapping paper.

“Oh,” you chirp, understanding, and you unzip your bag to retrieve the large box taking up the majority of space, “thanks for waking me up. I’m surprised you remembered. Did you stay up?”

A rosy blush burns its way across his cheekbones. Odd. “I, um— yeah. No, actually,” he stutters, really odd, given he was bouncing off the walls not even thirty seconds ago, “I set an alarm. You made me sleepy.” Hyunjin sits beside you once you have scooted over, leaning against the wall and crossing his long ass legs. He keeps his eyes trained on the boxes in his hands. “Oh,” you hum, looking to your own gift and suddenly wishing for the mattress to swallow you up, “sorry. I haven’t gotten as much sleep as you on break so far.”

“I don’t think anyone ever has,” he jokes and you finally look to him, sharing a cheeky smile before he gets all shy again, tongue darting out to wet his lips, “um, Merry Christmas, ___.”

It’s a simple phrase, but it makes your heart swell. “Merry Christmas to you too, Hyunjin.” Leaning over, you wrap your arms around his shoulders in an awkward side hug, but still end up feeling all drunk and loopy on love when he eagerly returns the gesture, arms curling around you.

“Okay,” you huff, sitting back, “me first.” You dramatically hold your gift out to him, jittery and nervous all over. Buying for Hyunjin is always hard. He’s just so easy to please, but when you want to do more than just please him it’s a constant battle trying to decide how far out you are going to go for him each year.

You watch impatiently as he tears the wrapping paper open first, and then finally lifts the flaps of the box up. “Aw,” he whimpers, pulling out the quokka plushie and attached certificate, “you adopted a quokka for me?”

You grin when he hugs the soft stuffed animal to his chest, the weight on your shoulders partly lifted from his positive reaction. He reaches back into the box, brow scrunched in thought as he regards the framed picture. “The First Day…?” Hyunjin asks, perplexed as he reads the title above the constellation poster. You scoot closer, leaning over to look it over once more. “This was the constellation of stars on our first day of freshman year. The day we first met.”

“Oh,” Hyunjin sniffs, “that’s really awesome, ___. Thank you. This is coming with me to school.” At this, he hugs you again, probably to hide the tears you know are threatening to spill because Hyunjin is Baby and cries every year. “Anything for my favorite fake Aussie,” you smile, leaning your head on his shoulder as he reads through the quokka adoption letter.

“Okay! Your turn!” He exclaims, setting his gifts back into the box and passing you the smaller one of his. He catches your curious glance to the second one he keeps by his side. “We have to open this one together.”

“Christ, okay. Looks like I’m gonna be crying tonight, too,” you sigh sadly. “Ooh,” jumping ahead of yourself, you wiggle your eyebrows at the white box before you, “Hyunjin if you bought me a Fitbit… I swear to God. How many times have I said I am not working out with you?” However, once you finish tearing open the wrapping paper you find it is not, in fact, a Fitbit.

“It’s not a Fitbit, idiot,” Hyunjin scoffs a second too late, waiting for you to slip the lid off the box. “They’re bond touch bracelets.”

“Explain,” you murmur, enamored but confused at the two little house arrest looking bracelets.

“So basically, we each wear one,” Hyunjin starts, taking one of the bracelets out and a burst of color blooms across its small screen at the motion, “and if you touch it, mine vibrates and I ‘feel’ your touch.” As he explains, he buckles it around your wrist, twisting it so it lies correctly. You silently take the second one and help it on him, brain too caught up to actually say anything.

“Try it,” Hyunjin whispers, suppressing his excitement.

You gingerly bring a finger to the little screen, tapping it once, twice. Nothing happens. Frowning, you try again, tapping and holding, then a second time, and finally— a strip of pink light appears and the bracelet gently vibrates as you tap and hold a random pattern. In response, the bracelet on Hyunjin’s wrist lights up blue, buzzing in the same pattern.

“Oh, Hyunjin,” you sniffle, fighting back your own tears because you refuse to let yourself ugly cry in front of him, “this is amazing. Now I can annoy you year-round. Thank you so, so much. I love you so much.” He hums, pulling you close when you turn to give him a proper hug. To your utmost surprise, however, instead of letting go he curls one fist into your side and helps swing your legs over to straddle his lap. “Oh.”

“___,” Hyunjin sighs thoughtfully, fingers playing with the sleeves of your tee, “I love you, too.”

You nearly spit up your coffee. If you were drinking coffee. Instead, you’re left with a dry mouth and a slack jaw at his words. Huh?

Glancing to the constellation picture peeking out of his box, and then to the matching bracelets you both wear, you find your mind reeling trying to make sense of it all. Yeah, you say the forbidden L-word to each another all the time, but most certainly not with you on his on lap and his lips mere centimeters away. The answer is so obviously clear as day you have trouble believing it.

“Fuck,” you laugh all of a sudden, as soon as the realization hits you, “I wasn’t dreaming, was I?”

Hyunjin lets out a joyous giggle, hands linking behind your back. Unable to hide his smile any longer, he clarifies, “You were not, madam. We literally just finished talking about when we were going to open gifts and then I got ready to sleep. Two seconds later you dumped your heart out to me, but when I answered, you were asleep.”

“Bruh,” you wince, hiding your face with your hands, “I am so sorry you had to deal with that.”

“No, don’t be,” Hyunjin comforts, reaching to tug your hands away. Your gut does somersaults when he intertwines his fingers with yours. “I was actually, uh, planning on doing some sort of confession to you anyway, but then you went right ahead and did it for me. So thanks for that.”

“Wow,” you chuckle, trying to wrap your mind around it all, “does that mean you, ahem, perhaps like me too?”

“No, I just got us really couple-y long distance relationship bracelets, pulled you onto my lap, and kissed you because I just want to be friends.”

“You didn’t kiss m—”

The sly little fucker interrupts your retort by quickly dipping down to press a fat smooch to your lips, missing miserably and you don’t know if he did it on purpose but you quickly fix the problem, releasing his hands to cradle his jaw and tilt his head the right angle. Finally, finally you kiss him, breathing in the smell of him like some sort of aromatherapy and whimpering into his mouth when his tongue swipes against your own. It is like nothing you have ever experienced, the taste and feel of him making you tremble and igniting a burst of electricity through your veins. You could kiss him forever, you think, sucking on his plump bottom lip greedily until he finally pulls back, desperate for air or trying to reel himself in you can’t say.

“You have to open your other gift,” Hyunjin reminds, chest heaving, and your gaze follows his long fingers as they comb his hair away from his forehead. Automatically, as if kissing Hyunjin once grants you some kind of free pass to do the same, you brush a few stray strands away from his face before leaning back to admire him. “Stoooop. You can’t do that and not expect me to kiss you again. Open. Your. Gift.” Hyunjin whines, squishing your cheeks and turning your head away.

“Okay, don’t blame this on me,” you huff, reaching for the second box before jabbing a finger into his chest, “you, sir, need to stop being so beautiful for like, two seconds.”

He scoffs, helping you rip off the wrapping paper, “You’re the beautiful one here.”

“Ew,” you wrinkle your nose, most certainly not used to Hyunjin dishing out such compliments, “this is too Hallmark Christmas movie for me. Let me open my gift in peace, ugly.” This box, unlike the bracelets’, is simple cardboard and when you lift open the lid, a brown leather book looks back at you. “You remember Up?” He asks.

On the leather, it reads Our Adventure Book in mismatched colors. “Yeah,” you whisper, flipping open the cover to find two baby pictures glued on the paper, one of Hyunjin, and one of you. At the top, it’s labeled ‘Before Shit Went Down.’ You laugh.

On the next page, there are random photographs from middle school, and then finally each other’s eighth grade graduation portraits. Then, written at the top is ‘Here It Begins,’ followed by a selfie he randomly took with you a few weeks into school freshman year, and then some from homecoming. Silently flipping through the rest of the book, your tears flow freely now, touched beyond comparison at all the photographs and all the memories accompanying them. Some are from large events like prom, others from random moments you don’t even remember, but each and every one comes together to form a special mold fitting perfectly into that Hyunjin-shaped hole in your heart.

The last picture is from the christening last month. Of course, it isn’t one of the nicer photos his mom took of the two of you, but a SnapChat selfie with the flaming sunglasses filter. He’s mid-laugh and you’re pressing a kiss to his cheek. Funny thing is, you don’t even remember taking it.

The page next to it is blank, aside from what’s written at the top of the page. “Togetha Foreva,” you read aloud, voice choked up and God, you cannot fathom how gross you look right now. “What the fuck, man!” You sob, punching Hyunjin’s shoulder before wiping your nose and cheeks with the back of your hands. “I didn’t sign up for this cock and ball torture.”

Hyunjin laughs loudly at this, pulling you into a hug and giving you a few seconds to recover. “Hyunjin, this is like… seriously the best thing anyone has ever done for me, holy shit. God, you Pinterest son of a bitch, this is such a good idea,” you groan, flipping back through the pages and getting teary-eyed all over again, “I can’t express how much this means to me, Jinnie. Thank you, really.”

Flashing that toothy grin of his, Hyunjin tugs you to lie back down with him and tilts your head up to press a much more accurate kiss to your lips. “I meant what I said before, ___,” he murmurs, “I don’t know what to do without you, and I know we only get to see each other once a month but I can’t keep living as just friends. You’re so much more than that. And I hope all the pictures we add from now on will show this new chapter of our lives. If not, well, then I guess I’ll just burn the book.”

“Are you asking me to be Kkami’s official poop-picker-upper?”

“Yes. Wait— what? No!”

You break into a fit of laughter, only to be interrupted with him pinching your side and causing you to let out a yelp. “Hey!” You bark, jumping closer to him and away from his hand until, finally, you give in to your self-indulgence and go right on ahead in swinging a leg over his hips and pinning him beneath you.

“You ruined my serious love speech, ___,” Hyunjin pouts, face scrunched up at you.

“I’m sorry, baby, go on.”

You pause, blinking slowly at him. He blinks back, the silence in the air weighing in heavily as both of your two brain cells bounce around trying to figure out what did you just call him?

“Never mind,” Hyunjin says, voice a low rumble of thunder as he reaches for your hips and easily flips positions, “I think you’re on the same boat.”

You laugh, tilting your head back and eyeing him indignantly. Fuck, he looks unfairly delectable hovering above you.

“Okay, how many more times do I have to tell you I love you for you to formally ask me to be your girlfriend, stupid?” You scowl, bringing your hands to cradle his neck, thumbs brushing delicately against his jaw.

“Call me baby again and we’ll see about making that happen.”

You raise a brow, tugging his face closer by the chain of his necklace. “You’re lucky it’s Christmas, baby.”

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curious-menace · 4 years

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Have I really ever requested one thing of you (the pegging telltale Riddler h/c)? Time to change that; let's see how the Eddies would respond to being told by their partner that they're a "bad boy" and "need to be punishment" (sexually, of course) - Pegging Anon.

I really enjoy these kinds of asks. honestly just give me a blank check for mayhem, unleash me upon the riddlers like a plague of locusts

nsfw below the cut

Arkham! Riddler

please be careful with this riddler. He has problems reading peoples tone and if he thinks youre angry at him you're liable to send him into a panic.

he really doesn't like dirty talk. dont call him a slut or a whore or anything like that. Not only is it demeaning and humiliating( 2 things this riddler doesnt deal well with) its just a terrible way to get him to do what you want.

again, the idea of punishment in a sexy setting is a turn off for him. He’s afraid of being strangled or choked and he doesn't find being hit sexy.

to put it simply, this riddler reacts better to the carrot than the stick. if you want a good reaction out of him, praise and affection work better. call him a good boy, give him pets and rewards.

IF you were to coax him into it, safeword, soft restraints and reassuring from you that everything will be ok, he’ll still probably cry. he might enjoy himself but the emotional stress will still leave him in an utter state.

i know some people use BDSM to cope with trauma but maybe dont try this on him. pitch the idea and let him mull it over. dont bring it up more than once or twice and let him decide

he always needs a lot of aftercare. he needs to be constantly reassured, not just after sex, that you love him , that he’s done well. lots of kisses and soft words and let him rest from the heavy stuff for a little while.

Blacklight riddler

another riddler you need to tread carefully with. he’s a kinky shit but like...a soft kinky shit who bruises easily.

He wont need coaxing. its either a hell yes or a hell no and you shouldn't push that. He likes sex games but he’s got trauma, sometimes something that was fine yesterday is triggering today so please be gentle and respectful with him.

He doesnt mind being called a bad boy, just not too often. mix it up and don't patronise him all the time . you can tell him off without treating him like a kid.

he likes edging and orgasm denial as a punishment. just dont ruin his orgasm or he wont let you do it again.

please don't ever hit him during sex. a playful thump on the arm when he’s telling a bad joke is one thing but if you touch him roughly during the act, even if he knows its coming, he finds it triggering.

He’s pretty exclusively a sub but don't think that means he’s into punishment all the time. mostly he just likes his dominant to take care of him.

BTAS Riddler

i feel like it would throw him for a loop. he’d be confused as all hell, even if you said it in a sexy voice he might not get the message.

he’d probably scoff at the idea. the notion that he’s anything other than perfect is laughable. he’s certainly not some sort of bad boy. you should sit on his lap and get him on the same page as you. watch his mouth go dry and his eyes go wide as you explain all the things you're going to do to him for being bad. he’ll do his best to stay composed but we both know its you who’d be wearing the pants by the end of the conversation.

he’d want to be tied up. he’ll be gibbering and rambling the entire time, desperately trying to stay in control of the situation. He’ll try to do things for you but a gentle reminder that you’re in control and if he doesn't anything he’ll be punished more will have him biting his tongue.

I think humiliation works best on this one. im imagining something with rope or his suits since he’s so fond of them. maybe try and make him cum while still clothed? maybe some shibari under his suit jacket? i’ll let you decide.

he doesnt have a safeword bc he thinks its strictly a bdsm thing and refuses to admit he’s into that. he prefers to use the traffic light system. although you probably had to teach him that. before hand he was using some nonsense riddler made system involving humming different songs. ode to joy for fun/keep going and vivaldi winter for slow down. you will have to gently explain what a batshit insane idea that was.

Original Riddler

I imagine he’d be into it, moreso initially than the others. He doesnt have so much emotional baggage and he’s game to try anything once.

I dont know if he’d find the idea of punishment sexy but he’ll try it for you. he’d probably just prefer you to frame it as impact play or degradation or whatever “just because” you wanna try it. something about it being a meant as a punishment just seems weird to him

he does like being called names but in a cute playful way. he’s not liable to take offence at anything you say, inside or outside the bedroom but digs at his appearance do sting a little. even if youre “in character” so to speak when you say them. just reassure him after that you dont really think those things.

He’s one of the tallest riddlers and also has zero shame so you’ll need to be inventive when thinking of punishments. tying him up could actually hurt him with his circulation, he runs around in glittery spandex all day anyway so good luck trying to humiliate him.

Because he is so tall and strong, its hard to hurt him. you could try spanking him, ask him to count out the spanks and listen as his voice gets higher and more unsteady with each one.

actually in that note and given his penchant for dress up maybe you could try sub/dom roleplay? pretend you're a doctor/nurse or something and you're punishing him for his bad diet? if the punishment thing doesn't work out at least you’ll both get a giggle out of it.

Telltale Riddler

Oh he is absolutely going to fight you on this one “i think YOU'RE the one who needs punishing , love.” . if you want to punish him you’ll have to fight for that right

he’s never really subbed before he met you. He’s happy to show you how to punish a sub but he really needs practice letting someone else hold the reins.

he pretends he doesn't like dirty talk. if you get him riled up and start whispering filthy things in his ear he’s going to melt a little.

I cant think of a specific he’d like or something he’d find egregiously offensive, so i think you've got a blank cheque for mayhem here. do what you like and he’ll tell you then and there if he’s into it or not.

but no blinders or restraints though. he’s claustrophobic after being in that icebox. He IS an escapartist mind you. even if you put him in something he’ll have wiggled out of it before you can blink . he MIGHT tolerate something just there for aesthetics or because the fabric feels nice, like maybe his tie or your hair bow tied loosely around his arms.

in the same vein, he’s sensitive so maybe you could lightly torture him with some sensory stuff. ice cubes or wax play?

Zero year Riddler

i Cannot stress to you enough what a horny fuck this one is. at the mere MENTION of sexy punishment he’s like “oh yes punish me ive been bad “ wiggling his ass in the air like a target. will call you Daddy regardless of your gender because we all know he has issues.

He’s 100 percent going to lean into it, goad you and taunt you to punish him more, get angrier or hit him harder. he gets off on the pain, yes but he also just really enjoys being an insufferable shit.

“EDWARD THIS IS PUNISHMENT YOU ARENT SUPPOSED TO ENJOY IT” - you, probably.

i dont think the traditional sexy punishment things will work on this one. youre going to have to get creative. like tell him you are in charge of his wardrobe and death traps for the week.

something that MIGHT work would be forcing him to wear a toy or even just some lingerie under his suit. He’s going to be embarrassed as all hell because this riddler is a big buff cheeto puff who takes his appearance seriously. BUT he cant deny the thrill of maybe the lace poking out over his waist band when he bends or the outline of a bralette being seen under his shirt, isnt a little arousing.

please dont be surprised when he turns around a week later and pulls this exact same shit on you.

there you go nonnie ! this one was quite a lot of fun! i have a rule of trying not to write more than 6 points for each but it was hard to compress down this time around. so much variety in personality and temperament in the one character there's a lot to write about

got something you wana talk about? send me an ask or a dm! im always game to talk about our favorite curious menace 💚💜

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reaperkaneki · 4 years

Text

finished the finale ending and [redacted]’s ending which means that, aside from a couple bad ends and the best epilogues (saved thise for after), i’ve finished all the guys’ routes :)

i have to say, i really liked this game. it has pretty much every feature i ask for in an otome (except a flowchart, i guess, im very lazy so i prefer flowcharts to chapter select, but that’s strictly a personal preference):

- 5+ routes (i maintain that the absolute minimum for an otome is 4 plus a secret/true end), which piofiore hits almost exactly

- characters are adults who... uh, fanservice, thanks. i am looking disrespectfully. i can’t relate to teenagers anymore and it makes more sense for everyone to be an adult seeing as they’re established, distinguished, competent mafioso. it makes the setting more realistic and yeah maybe i wanna see ikemen flirting in adult ways, i have the right!

- i would say this game hits a good ground between character and romance and plot. it’s not as gripping and well paced and full of suspense as, say, cxm, but it has its moments. the plot is more there to prop up the romance than it is for itself, bht there’s a fair bit of interesting political/economic intrique and power struggles. it has a semi-enforced route order for a reason. i still think it was an odd choice to put dante as one of the first routes and gil as the last, seeing as dante’s the lore heaviest and gil is comparatively lighter and softer with very little conflict, but the last route directly branches off of his, i guess, specifically because of that.

- all characters change roles depending on what route you play. this is a good thing, as it means we see sides to them we wouldn’t see if they were, friendly or vice versa, but it also means that they can seem weirdly ooc if they’re an antagonist. (orlok’s route comes to mind, everyone was holding the conflict ball in that one...) still, everyone has the capacity to be reasonable in certain circumstances, and that helps to humanize even the side characters who sometimes seem to only be there to stir up conflict (like the twins, who as antagonists are creepy twin children who see murder as play, except actually they’re super cute and fun children who take a liking to lili... who also see murder as play).

- a wrap-up during each ending that tells us what happened to most of the major characters. sure, it’s all very well to end the route on a kiss or whatever, but, like, what happened, how did they finish resolving the situation? piofiore gives that for all of its full endings—best, normal, and bad, which i definitely appreciate. it also makes it more obvious the difference between the normal and best endings: it can all come down to a single choice (or two, or more if you’re shitty at games like me).

- short stories in gallery, which is extremely typical and also bare minimum but nonetheless appreciated. pretty much every otome has this or an epilogue, because, like, c’mon, gotta give the fans some sugar after the end of the route!

- speaking of sugar, post-best end epilogues! i haven’t played any yet because i’m Savoring them, but there’s nothing wrong with more fanservice and more detail on What Happened Next. if you’re counting, that means three pieces of post-best end content (the wrap-up after the credits, the short story, and the epilogue).

- actual, fleshed out bad ends that aren’t afraid to get Real Fucked Up—and bad end epilogues! the tragedy is real and it is palpable and maybe even delicious. or just plain horrible, take your pick. i wish more games had continuations of their bad ends! it’s so good!

- one big thing that pissed me off is how to get endings. the status indicator isn’t very helpful at all—it will pretty much only show differences once you’re locked into an ending :/ plus there are two stats for each guy, your typical affection stat and then a stat unique to each character. once again, no distinct indicator that this second stat even exists. the choices can also get oblique and counterintuitive; i must’ve gotten nicola’s bad ending like five times :/ this might be a bonus to some people, since it’s not just (click) oh that one didnt give me a heart icon, i’m gonna reload (rinse and repeat), it actually requires a little effort.

- [big spoiler territory] a secret character. i love secret characters. they’re great. their routes do vary wildly in execution—they’re usually either super rushed and short, and disappointing, or they’re the final true route—and i think piofiore hits in the middle. on the one hand, they made the antagonist a route, every otome game should make the antagonist a route if he’s a hot ikemen with an a-list voice actor. i love love love that (and honestly, most of the characters become antagonists in any route but their own, especially yang, who is by definition a card-carrying villain and once again, thank you oiofiore for this trash man’s route).

on the other hand, by virtue of splitting from chapter five of another guy’s route, and being a secret character who doesn’t show up as himself in any other route, he doesn’t get a ton of time to get development. he also falls victim to a lot of “traumatic past excuses murder” kind of tropes that are tired and gratuitous. (but seeing as the rest of the cast has probably killed even more people than him, i’m willing to let that slide.) i still genuinely enjoyed his romantic ending (helps that he’s, like, phantom of the opera meets count of monte cristo ughhh) and am looking forward to his epilogue :) [/end major spoiler]

all in all, good game! enjoyed, would recommend, has plenty of content for what it is. the darker themes are there, and it doesnt shy away from things like torture, character death, and such, especially in bad endings, but it wasn’t suuuuper dark (aside from the bad endings). it was pretty fun.

#piofiore spoilers #i marked the big spoiler section with brackets but otherwise mostly spoiler free #this is general thoughts and things that set this game apart. i would rec piofiore for sure :)

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fatphrodite · 5 years

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you’re not an advice blog or anything but i just like the vibe you give off so maybe you’ll understand my problem? i’m a fat girl who feels like i’m not “correctly” fat, you know? like, my face is fat and my hands are chubby and our bodies are similar but you’re just a million times more beautiful than i am. do you ever feel that way, or do you know what i mean? my body just naturally IS this way and i don’t know how to feel better about it.

I wish I could respond to asks like this with something obvious and concise that could fit on a bumper sticker, but I feel compelled to touch on the weird messy tangled super tangential psychology which results in these kind of feelings, maybe in an attempt to help people who feel this way also get to the root causes and deconstruct them. I want to be thorough and wholly understood, and candid about my own experience! but i’ll spare mobile users by putting everything under a cut.

i rarely feel the sensation of seeing someone who looks like me, thinking theyre beautiful, while thinking i am not, anymore, and that has a lot to do with rewiring my brain over the years. instead i see someone who looks like me and I think theyre hot then my brain’s response is “if (theyreHot) {me=Hot;}" BEEP BOOP

I do still sometimes feel “incorrectly” fat because...…. im covered in old stretchmarks, my boobs sag, my belly sags, even my arms sag, im riddled with cellulite, my face is chubby and I have a double chin. the feeling of being “incorrectly” fat is absolutely the result of a definite beauty standard even in spaces that have an alternative ideal to our overall society’s beauty standard. we’ve all been poisoned aight, standards are being reinforced everywhere, like even the actual chunky/fat plus size models, who aren't just straight-sized models with padding, don't have double chins. even though youd be hard pressed to find an average person their size without one. popular plus sized Instagram models have the “acceptable” amount of cellulite, do NOT have fat faces, tend to be the “acceptable” hour glass shape naturally and/or get liposuction to be “idealized plus size” in the body and in the face. so how do you accept your body when youre unconsciously consuming constant reinforcement that it has “flaws” and have consumed that reinforcement for decades?

I think the answer is going to vary from person to person, and for me it varies even moment to moment. There are moments where the only way to cease those thoughts is remembering that this vessel DOES NOT EXIST for visual consumption, it DOES EXIST for piloting me thru Disney world + experiencing the tastiest of foods, and as long as I can do that, nothing else matters. which is you know, objectively true, but I also do very much have a strong desire to FEEL pretty, to FEEL acceptable, to FIT IN THE BEAUTY STANDARD, because of so many years of being punched down and made to feel inherently ugly/unacceptable. It’s hard to feel pretty and accepted not only because mainstream society sees your body as inherently ugly, but also you simultaneously feel like youre not even ideal in the realm where youre “supposed” to be ideal (such as fat admiration communities).

So these are the things which continue to help me accept myself, my perceived “flaws”, and feel good about myself --

: focusing on surrounding myself with imagery of beautiful fat people who share the traits that fall outside of the existing plus size beauty standard. I intentionally avoid reblogging too many irl plus sized people with thin faces, super perky rounded fat, smooth hourglass shapes, minimal cellulite, flat tummies, because I don't want to reinforce those toxic ideals for my followers OR my own subconscious. as a side note, I also enjoy makeup and makeup videos and I gravitate towards makeup youtubers with rounder faces and plus sized bodies, like smokey glow and rawbeautykristi, like damn i can be glamorous with a beat face AND have a double chin! it also helps that theyre both entertaining AF to watch and listen to.

: involving myself in an FA/fat positive community. whether that's posting pictures of myself or dating or otherwise engaging with people in the community. as ive said before you should not hinge self esteem on other peoples opinions of you, but when you believe you as a whole or some trait you have is inherently ugly or unacceptable, having verifiable proof to the contrary, in the form of other peoples opinions, can aid in rewiring your brain to think more positively about yourself. I personally can assure everytime *I* see a double chin or chubby hands (among several other specific traits) it makes my heart flutter because of the cuteness. no matter what shape, fat distribution, whatever your vessel exists in, there are hundreds and thousands of people who will genuinely, wholeheartedly remind you how lovely it is, and many more out there who look like you who want to be able to see themselves represented as a figure of beauty (if that at all makes sense). Parts of me that were once difficult to accept or I used to overly-criticize have become either things that no longer even cross my mind or things that are specifically viewed as attractive/positive traits because of community involvement. and on that note, straight up I would never date like, a normie, and by that I mean someone who doesn't love fat bodies. special, positive, loving attention towards the parts you've been conditioned to think are wrong or conditioned to be ashamed of, is healing. I could not be with someone who liked/was attracted to me despite my body.

: therapy. this solution may not apply to you at ALL or you may not realize that it applies to you. it depends on the degree to which you struggle with self image. you might not even know you have something like body dysmorphic disorder (which will cause things like hyperfocus on perceived traits) or you might not realize youre committing self harm (mentally bullying yourself, scrolling through Instagram/social media to torture yourself, starving yourself/overexercise, obsessive mirror checking and self-criticizing, among other behavior). the things ive already said can also aid you in stopping these types of self harm (personal experience: unfollowing/blocking any social media that i used to torture myself, fat positive/FA communities helped me to stop exercising myself to death, wg/eating kinks helped with eating disorders) and i know there are quite a few other people who have healed from doing similar things.

something specific id like to note about my experience with therapy and the concept of self acceptance. a piece of advice given out by a LOT of fat bloggers to aid self confidence is “fake it til you make it” right. and that's also like, a version of a real thing I learned in real therapy. shutting out negative thoughts and replacing them with a contrary, positive mantra until your brain rewires, until you believe it. its a tool you can use in accepting the parts you struggle to accept, and beyond the neutral implication of that, glorifying them. the human brain has an interesting reaction to repetition. the more you repeat something the more you believe it. whether that's something negative or something positive. its a lesson to keep in mind even if therapy isn't something you want or need.

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mianix · 6 years

Text

Gift Fic for FoxHughesArt ~ “PDA at the DPD”

My very good friend FoxHughesArt just posted their first Reed900 artwork and was kind enough, since they knew Reed900 is my fandom love, to share the WIP with me before they posted the final piece. I was so inspired, I had to write something for them and this is it.

Alex ~ thank you so much for chatting with me over the last couple of months. For letting me chatter on when I’m sad and letting me do the same for you. Your art is lovely and inspiring ~ Just like you. 💙

“PDA at the DPD”

As they walked into the DCPD, Nines felt anticipation.

Gavin had once told him this particular part of his day was better than his morning coffee. They would get up, feed the cat and carry about getting ready for work as any working partners might do if they found themselves staying over with one another. But the moment they found a vacant elevator, there was electricity in the air between them.

Gavin liked a bit of pretense and Nines indulged him in this, because it seemed to end in benefit for them both.

“Fuckin’ thing follows me everywhere.” Gavin said annoyedly to the officer who checked them through the security gate. Nines remained silent, watching, as usual. Gavin turned to him. “What are you looking at RoboPrick?”

“A middle aged man with a smoking addiction, foul mouth and a receding hairline.” Nines replied simply. He saw Gavin blush, his eyes narrow and Nines felt a small twinge of victory at catching the Detective off guard. He enjoyed teasing him and found Gavin liked to be teased in more ways than just verbally. Nines opted to walk through the terminal, ignoring Gavin as he did and it had the calculated effect. He could feel Gavin’s eyes on him as they came to the elevator doors and he felt static run through his skin.

Nines stepped inside and felt Gavin’s eyes watching him still as he turned and casually pressed the button that would take them to the homicide department. The Detective’s heart rate was elevated and that made his bio components hum sweetly. The moments ticked by as the doors slowly shut and the moment they did the two found themselves tangled in one another.

Gavin pushed Nines against the wall, kissing him deeply with a measured grin on his face. Nines let him lead, because it seemed to please him so early in the morning, but he also knew once they were done for the day it would be Gavin submitting to him.

And they loved their routine… Oh yes.

“Did you really mean that shit about my hair?” Gavin asked in between deep, messy kisses. He was grinning though, good humored about the jab at his ego.

“Only about 84 percent.” Nines replied and Gavin pulled back to narrow his eyes at him. Nines only leaned in and whispered against his swollen lips “Any hair loss can probably be attributed to me, Detective.” Nines continued as he wound his fingers into Gavin’s hair and pulled back, getting a startled gasp, then grin from him as he leaned down and kissed him slowly and calculating.

“Keep that shit up an we’ll be-” Gavin began, but was cut off as the elevator stopped prematurely.

Without warning, the elevator doors opened and they were able to right themselves before an interloper from another floor stopped their progress. Nines was able to easily compose himself, but Gavin looked so flustered the officer who entered had given him an odd look.

“What the fuck you looking at?” Gavin had barked, face reddening further. The man turned away and the three stood awkwardly as the elevator ascended again.

Nines cast his eyes sideways and saw Gavin’s hand mere inches from his own. A new idea formed and he reached out to take hold of it, only for Gavin to snatch it away. Nines raised an eyebrow at him and noted Gavin looked annoyed, shaking his head at him, then indicating the officer in front of him.

Gavin waited till the officer exited to his floor and the elevator began its ascension before turning to Nines.

“Don’t do shit like that in front of people.”

“I’m not allowed to hold your hand or I’m just not allowed to do it in front of co-workers now?” Nines asked and felt annoyed either way.

“We work here. It’s unprofessional.” Gavin mumbled, face still red from the make out session they had just had. Nines narrowed his eyes at him.

“You didn’t seem to share this same opinion a moment ago when you were letting me sample the coffee from the back of your tongue.” Nines replied and felt a small victory at the vivid blush that overcame the Detective’s face at these words.

“That’s different. No one can see us in here.”

At this, Nines stared at him pointedly, but Gavin was avoiding his eyes now.

A part of Nines knew, of course, that this shouldn’t be bothering him near as much as it actually was. This was their workplace, after all and public displays of affection weren’t exactly encouraged. But a simple hand hold behind a person’s back who wouldn’t even notice?

He thought often about moments like this one where he was denied simply because it proved inconvenient for the Detective. No matter his own personal wants. He’d caved in pursuit of a happy medium, because he knew that Gavin wouldn’t. He never did. Nines was tired of it.

Gavin must’ve noticed the shift in mood, because he leaned forward and put his hand to Nines’ face to draw him back to him. Nines only stared, unaffected when Gavin leaned in and tried to kiss him.

“I’m sorry, Detective. But as a place of business, such actions would be highly inappropriate.” Nines said evenly, almost robotically.

“Are you serious?” Gavin asked as he pulled back a ways. But the answer was plain as day on Nines face. “Whatever.”

Gavin turned and shoved his hands into his jacket pockets as they made their way to their floor. Once the doors opened he didn’t even wait for Nines as he stepped out. Nines figured Gavin might throw a tantrum about this, as he usually did when he didn’t get his way, but there was no way he was going to be the one to cave this time. In fact, as he saw Connor walking over to him, he decided that there was a much better alternative at hand.

“Everything okay, Nines?” Connor asked, side glancing Gavin who walked by him without a word.

“Of course. Do you have a minute? I’d like to go over a case with you before I get started on my own daily briefing.”

“Sure thing.” Connor replied, but Nines knew that Connor was onto him. This was a Gavin code between them, meaning he needed to discuss the Detective or needed help with something regarding him. They would huddle at Connor’s desk, pouring over some random file, but would converse inside their heads. If Gavin suspected as much he never said. Only Hank seemed to catch on.

“You guys working on a GV200 error?” Hank asked with a smirk as he sat back in his chair.

“GV600 actually.” Connor replied with a grin.

“Shit. That bad huh? I don’t want to know how high up that number can go.” Hank said as he turned to look at Gavin. He was working at his terminal, but he was obviously stewing over their conversation.

[RK800]: You do realize he might be very angry at you about this later?

[RK900]: He’s much more fun when he’s riled up.

[RK800]: Be sensible. You could just try discussing this like adults.

At this, Nines leaned back in his chair and looked towards Gavin.

“Excuse me, Detective. Could I speak with you for a moment?” Nines called across the bullpen. Gavin didn’t reply, only put up his middle finger at them. “It’s very important.” Nines continued and Gavin set down his coffee so his other hand was free to flip him off with both hands. Nines turned to Connor, knowing he proved his point.

[RK800]: Plan B then?

[RK900]: Plan B it is.

Nines knew the Detective well enough and despite his hard persona, he was weak for specific things and Nines was one of them. He also knew that Gavin didn’t believe anything that he could not emotionally feel. If he wanted him to be the first to cave, then he’d need to remind him of what he was missing. A plan began to formulate and, despite the very real chance Gavin would be even angrier at him, the other possibilities of what could come of this were so enticing that Nines could not consider any other alternative.

After conversing a bit with Connor, Nines moved to his designated seat and began his morning briefing via terminal. No sense in slacking off work. He felt Gavin watching him, trying to capture his attention, but opted to ignore him. After a time, paperwork was dropped off on his desk and he took the opportunity to finally address the Detective.

“May I borrow a pencil, Gavin?” Nines asked as he looked up to find Gavin tapping away furiously at his phone. The man’s eyes moved from the screen to his and narrowed, but he opted not to answer him. Although cute, Gavin could never play this game quite as well as Nines did. “Too bad, I guess you’ll have to finish this paperwork entirely on your own.”

“You have arms, don’t you? Get it yourself asshole. I’m busy.” Gavin grumbled as he let his eyes go back to his phone.

Nines could’ve simply reached across his desk, over to Gavin’s, and plucked a pencil out of its holder. It was within his reach, but an idea was forming, so Nines instead stood and walked around the desk to stand behind Gavin. He leaned down, reaching his arm out over the Detective’s shoulder as the side of his face lightly touched the helix piercing on the back of his ear.

He felt the Detective tense, as he knew Gavin would, considering he often reacted to Nines playing with this piercing under both leisure and intimate circumstances. If Gavin wanted to object he could have, but he sat still.

“I think…,” Nines stated in a low voice right next to Gavin’s ear. “Hmmm…,” He continued, letting the rumble of his voice vibrate through the delicate metal piece as he prolonged this torture. He idly picked up one pencil after another as if it was a very important decision. “This one looks…sturdy.”

Gavin’s vitals had elevated and Nines smirked to himself when he turned ever so slightly to see Gavin’s face bright red. The hands holding the phone were gripping it tightly and his jaw was clenched. He was trying so hard to keep his eyes forward. Time to get his attention.

Through precalculation, Nines knew the right angle to let go of the pencil as he pulled it back so that it would land, almost perfectly, between the Detective’s thighs on the chair. As calculated, it did just that and Nines began to reach down to grab it when his hand was stopped by Gavin just as his fingertips feathered over the seam of his jeans.

“I’ll fucking get it, asshole.” Gavin said, but his voice was higher than normal and that only pleased Nines more.

“Are you sure, Detective. I have arms after all. Don’t I?” Nines said, mimicking Gavin’s own words. Gavin lifted the pencil up quickly and Nines barely hid his own amusement as he took it from him. “Thank you, Gavin.” He whispered as he pulled back, letting the side of his cheek run along the side of Gavin’s as he did so.

When he made it back to his desk, the look on Gavin’s face gave him great pleasure. A beautiful shade of red, as well as his ears. The same shade he saw often when Gavin was overwhelmed by him physically and emotionally. Gavin’s eyes met his and he stood up, walking off in the direction of the bathrooms.

To think, it was still only early morning and he had hours of ideas planned for Gavin. He only hoped he wouldn’t cave too quickly, as Nines shivered at the thought of prolonging this sense of control for as long as he could.

Gavin Reed was going down.

Gavin splashed cold water over his face, dipping his hand back down to the faucet and filling again to repeat the action until his face settled into its natural tone. Phckin androids…

All this because he didn’t want to hold Nines’ hand? When had his partner become so damn particular about this stuff? It was one of the things he liked about Nines, his no nonsense, no strings attached approach to everything. So why now was he being so pushy about this PDA shit?

Gavin looked at himself in the mirror and his mind drifted to a few moments ago. There was a lingering scent on him from Nines, which Gavin didn’t think androids could have smells, but Nines did. The more he thought on it, it was a mixture of elements from his apartment. So, to Gavin, Nines smelled like home. When he realized what his own thought just was he felt his face redden again with embarrassment. Nines smelled like home? Get a grip Gavin, phck…

He knew, of course, what Nines was doing and he decided he wasn’t going to fall for it. If Nines could avoid and ignore him, then so too could Gavin. He wouldn’t give him the pleasure of flustering Gavin again. He psyched himself up in the mirror, took a couple of deep breaths before he walked out of the bathroom.

He expected to see Nines sitting at their desks, but he was once again huddled with Connor over at his desk. Gavin watched them with a frown. Did he talk to Connor about what happened in the elevator? The two were close as brothers and Nines had told him plenty of times when he couldn’t seem to adjust to some social interactions it was Connor he relied on.

“What about me? I can teach you lots of stuff about social interactions.” Gavin had said at the time, slightly hurt Nines wouldn’t come to him. Nines though lifted a brow at him.

“Forgive me Gavin, but the only social interactions I feel I can learn from you are the kind of things I’ll save for people I don’t wish to interact with. If I need schooling on the proper ways to flip off people, I assure that you’ll be the first one I seek out.” Nines had said in reply, but Gavin had found that funny and only laughed.

That was another thing Gavin liked about Nines. His blunt wit was attractive as all hell and Gavin didn’t mind taking a few blows to his ego. He couldn’t even be mad at him and usually if he was it wasn’t for very long.

The one saving grace, as Gavin saw it, is that this lover’s spat would likely be forgotten by the time they went home tonight. Here they were partners, but at home, they were whatever the fuck they wanted to be and Gavin loved that. He didn’t have to be mean Detective Reed and Nines could stop being so damned uptight and instead come unbound and undone.

At this thought his face reignited. His mind was flooded with Nines face, flushed blue, mouth parted…

“Phck.” Gavin breathed as he grabbed his coffee cup and went to refill it. If he wasn’t careful he might have to make a run for the men’s room, but this time for a completely different reason. He opted to ignore Nines unless absolutely necessary for the job. Then, when the day was done and they headed home he’d be generous and let Nines apologize to him for being a dick. Maybe draw it out for a little bit of extra attention in the bedroom…

Ego restored, Gavin walked confidently to his desk and grudgingly started doing paperwork, making sure to keep his eyes off of Nines.

The day passed by slowly without Nines constant intervention in his work day. He went to lunch with Tina instead, but opted not to mention their spat. As much as he loved Tina, she tended to side sometimes with Nines on specific things. So he let her talk about the newly deviated receptionist android she’d been going on about for a month. It was kinda cute to see her crushing so hard and he did his due diligence to encourage her to finally just ask her on a date. There was not much else he could do.

Afternoon came and went and Nines continued to remain by Connor’s side, pouring over documents and reviewing evidence down in the evidence room. Every time Nines walked by him he ignored him, hoping he might glance his way, but his attention was completely on Connor and Gavin felt himself sulking every time Nines refused to look at him.

Finally, Gavin had enough when his watch showed 7:47pm and Nines made no move to leave. So he stood and stretched, figuring he’d venture down into the evidence room himself on the pretense of a case he was working on to see what the hell they were up to. As he began to walk though, they emerged and Connor called out to him.

“Detective Reed. It’s late, you should be heading home.” Connor said and at this Gavin’s eyes turned to look at Nines.

“What about you?” Gavin asked.

“Connor has asked me to remain for a time to go over additional evidence that was found for his current case. They’re bringing it down now, but it’s a ways out of Detroit, so head home without me and I will catch up with you once we’ve finished here.” Nines replied coolly.

Gavin just stared at him, trying so hard not to show his disappointment. In a moment of weakness he heard his voice announce his obvious insecurity.

“You’re coming home tonight, right?”

The words were out of his mouth before he could stop them. Phck!

“I’m not yet sure, it all depends on the-”

“Whatever.” Gavin said quickly to mask his growing apprehension. He didn’t wait for a reply, just walked back to his desk and collected his bag. He thought he heard Connor call after him, but he didn’t care. He just wanted to get away.

He felt his eyes sting a bit, but managed to compose himself. Why the hell did that hurt so much? He realized that since he became Nines life partner that he’d never went home alone. He’d not fallen asleep without Nines beside him. So Nines so casually denying him this comfort hurt. Like he had lost something in the exchange of words.

Gavin’s drive home was in silence. He didn’t want to listen to the radio and coasted his way home in a haze. His mind wouldn’t stop overthinking everything. When he arrived home he was greeted warmly by his cat, Dick, who danced around his ankles for want of attention and food. Gavin obliged, soaking in the affection the cat offered as a substitute in Nines absence.

A few hours into a few bad movies and TV shows Gavin checked his phone. 11:23pm and still no word from Nines. Despite everything, he was worried. He opened his messenger and clicked the name “RoboPrick”.

[TrashHuman]: You coming home soon?

He smirked slightly at seeing his username permanently changed because Nines refused to tell him how to change it. To anyone else it would seem they hated each other, but in all honesty these were terms if endurement.

[RoboPrick]: At present we are analyzing over 230 various types of dirt to calculate which one was found on a boot at a crime scene. This particular sample has ground mica found in it, so we’re cross referencing drilling plants and other possible locations against this particular type.

[TrashHuman]: Is that a yes or a no ya prick?

[RoboPrick]: The task will likely take all night between the two of us, so no. I will meet you at the office in the morning.

[TrashHuman]: Whatever.

Gavin tossed his phone off to the side, feeling pissed but figuring there wasn’t much he could do about it now. Boy would he make Nines pay for this tomorrow. What if he called himself in sick and refused to open the door if Nines tried to come see him? Then he remembered the time he fought with Nines and the android had completely removed his door from the other side with a simple screwdriver, breaking his lock in the process…and later his bed frame.

Gavin blushed and resigned himself to going to bed and work tomorrow. He figured he wasn’t going to hear from Nines again, but then his phone went off again.

[RoboPrick]: <3

Gavin felt his face redden even further, that small emoji meaning more to him in that moment then the sender could possibly understand. He stood and padded his way into his bedroom, crawling into his bed and realizing he was missing something.

“Dick? Here kitty, kitty, kitty!” He called out in the usual way he addressed his feline friend. The cat was normally found following him around the apartment, but he noticed that the cat stood outside the door looking in at him. “Get in here asshole.”

Gavin tapped the empty side of the bed and the cat came to jump up. But instead it stood on its hind legs, front paws on the bed as it observed the empty side that typically held Nines. Dick looked at him, then meowed. Gavin realized that the cat often fell asleep ON Nines, or laying between them. The android could turn up his body temperature and the cat had fallen in love with this feature. Just like Gavin, who had relied on Nines being here for things to feel normal, Dick too seemed reluctant without him present.

Instead, the cat wandered the apartment yowling all night for the android that was nowhere to be found. Eventually, before sunrise, the cat jumped up beside Gavin and curled up in Nines’ vacant spot. Gavin, who often suffered from insomnia, pulled the cat close to provide him the warmth he was obviously missing. The cat purred in his arms and the vibration coming from the cat seemed enough to make him feel like Nines was there. So he finally slept.

Gavin coasted through his morning barely feeling it. His morning coffee was bland without whatever the hell it was Nines did to make it taste like liquid sex, his ride in just made him irritated because without his partner there to focus on he noticed how many stupid people were driving the streets of Detroit. It was so rainy out he was practically soaked as he ran into the building. Then, worst of all, he had to face the elevator all on his own. Gavin stood and looked at it for a while and when it opened its doors to him he felt cold. He turned, instead, and took the stairs.

Only when he reached the doors leading into the homicide department did he feel a little life returning to him. He would see Nines and maybe the android had forgiven him enough to stop with the games.

But it wasn’t the RK900 that greeted him as he entered, but Connor, wearing gray sweatpants and a DCPD hooded sweater.

“Good morning, Detective Reed.” Connor said jovially.

“What’s with the outfit?” Gavin asked, not use to seeing Connor in anything but his android issued uniform.

“Ahh, yes. Well, you see. Nines and I got up early this morning to scout some potential sites for the ground mica we found last night when it began to downpour. Our clothing was completely soaked through before we realized it. So I’m wearing this today.” Connor replied, a slight blush on his face.

“Don’t you two even know when to come in out of the rain?” Gavin asked, rolling his eyes. Cyberlife could’ve at least equipped them with common sense. Oh well. “Where’s Nines?”

“Locker room.”

Gavin left Connor behind and stood just outside the locker room doors. He was trying to psych himself up to talk this out rationally with Nines. He wouldn’t give in, of course, but surely Nines felt how bad his night was without Gavin there? He felt his stomach sink at the thought of what if Nines felt no difference at all? What if he never even gave Gavin another thought after he’d left? This worked Gavin up alright, but it was not rational at all.

“Nines! Where the fuck are you? We need to talk.” Gavin called as he slammed the door open and stepped inside the locker room. It was, for the most part, vacant.

“Back here, Detective. One moment please.” Nines called out from the back of the room.

“No one minute please bullshit, we’re talking about this n-” Gavin began as he stomped his way back to where he knew Nines would be, only to stop dead in his tracks at the sight that awaited him.

Nines stood, tall and lean, in nothing but a towel. His skin was still wet, gleaming under the harsh lighting from above and as he turned to view Gavin his hair was a soft mess of curls with one fierce gray eye peeking out from beneath. This wasn’t work Nines, but leisure Nines.

Gavin swallowed hard as his eyes went to every inch he could memorize, because Nines was fucking beautiful like this. His hair curled when he didn’t set it back with gel and Gavin’s heart swelled to see him so off guard. Especially after the terrible night he’d had.

“I can’t sleep.” He had told Nines when they first got together, confiding in him about his issues with insomnia. Nines had lain down with him and recited his favorite books from memory so Gavin could fall asleep, cheek pressed to his chest as the drone of his biocomponents and the hum of his voice emanating from there soothed him. He’d not had another sleepless night, not since last night.

Other times he’d run his hands through Nines hair, messing it up so it could curl over his eye just as it was now. The way it would caress his face as Nines hovered over him and how warm it was against his lips as he gave in, gladly, to his demanding lover. Always a look of such tenderness behind those curls.

Gavin felt a rush of warmth, such affection that he was overwhelmed by it.

“Yes, Gavin?” Nines asked as he waited for whatever it was Gavin had originally meant to say. But for all his bravado, he couldn’t bring himself to argue with Nines about this. Because he fucking missed this and him, but he didn’t know how to just fucking tell him. So he turned, without a word and walked back out into the main area of the department.

As Gavin stepped into the bullpen he heard a clattering of noise coming from the very center and noticed Fowler trying to get everyone’s attention.

“Listen up everyone. Lieutenant Anderson has something he wants to say. Pipe down Philips!” Fowler said, pointing his death glare towards an officer who was still talking. “The floor is yours Hank.”

“Thanks, Jeffrey.” Hank replied, then cleared his throat when he realized all eyes were on him. “Today marks an important milestone for the DCPD. Not only has crime decreased in the last year, but solved cases are up. While I stand among you good men and women who work tirelessly for the city of Detroit and its people, I think we can all agree that this is due in large part to the tireless efforts of our android counterparts who work at our side willingly.” Hank said with a pause, before continuing. “One year ago, today, the first android prototype of his kind walked through the doors of Jimmy’s bar and found himself a royal pain in the ass.”

The room laughed and Gavin noticed that Connor, while smiling, was blushing a bit.

“I wasn’t pleasant, or even baseline decent. But he persisted. Not only did he stay by my side when chaos reigned, he stayed with us once he had the choice to leave. He was a major figure in the history books who could’ve gone on to do great things, but instead he chose to remain my partner and all of our friends. So I wanted to thank him and mark his one year anniversary so he remembers just how appreciated, needed and loved he really is here.”

Hank pulled up a small bag from under his desk and set it in front of Connor.

“Some of the guys pooled in to get you this.” Hank said, fondly watching the emotional roller coaster that was Connor’s face. At this, Gavin noticed Nines had joined him, watching curiously.

Connor looked around, obviously not use to such attention, but he reached into the bag and pulled out a small box. He opened it and his face immediately lit up.

“We got you a new coin, but this one is one of a kind. Just like you Con.” Hank said warmly. “Look at the inscription on the back.”

“Faithful friend. Great humanitarian. Lover of Dogs.” Connor read aloud and there were a few chuckles from around, but a few silent tears as well. Connor, among them. “I don’t know what to say. Thank you. I will cherish this.”

Connor stood and put his hand out for Hank to shake, a sign of respect, but Hank wasn’t having it. He took Connor’s hand and pulled him into a tight embrace. Connor accepted it and nearly lost his composure as his fingers grasped to the old man’s jacket.

Gavin looked around and saw his co-workers smiling, Tina Chen recording the moment on Hank’s phone and even Fowler was grinning from ear to ear. Gavin turned and looked at Nines, who was smiling so big it was a sight to behold. And Gavin understood, because as he looked down to see Nines’ hand right next to his own all he wanted in that moment was to slip his hand into Nines’ and show him and everyone that he loved and appreciated all the small things Nines did to make his life better than it ever was before him.

Gavin slowly moved his hand, so close to Nines he could feel the warmth it radiated. At the last moment though, Nines lifted his hand with the others and clapped as Connor turned from Hank to grin widely at them all. Moment gone, Gavin lost his composure.

He turned and grabbed Nines by the lapel of his jacket, turning him towards him and kissed him full on the lips in view for everyone to see. He didn’t care who saw or if it was proper etiquette. He wasn’t going to waste another moment doubting. Nines was startled, but eased into the kiss naturally. Because that’s what this was. Fucking natural. Gavin pulled away from Nines, still holding his lapel as he addressed his aghast co-workers.

“You see that fuckers? Nines is MINE. I fucking love him. We make out, we have sex and it’s fuckin great! If any of you asshats has any problems with that then I got a fist I call ‘no fucks given’ to introduce your face to.” Gavin said in quick succession, daring anyone to cross him.

The room was deadly silent, awkward even as everyone just stared. Tina had turned Hank’s phone on them and no doubt recorded the whole damn thing. GOOD. Then a voice rang out over the silence.

“No one gives a shit you’re gay for Nines Reed!” Fowler said, chuckling.

“Everyone knows about your make out sessions in the elevator, asshat!” Tina chimed in.

Gavin stood, dead still and narrowed his eyes at the room.

“Are you a moron Reed? This is a Government building. There’s camera’s everywhere you dumbshit.” Hank chimed in and Gavin noticed a few nervous chuckles starting up around them, turning into an uproar.

Still clinging to Nines’ jacket, Gavin leaned in closer to Nines as he glowered at the room.

“Did you know about this RoboPrick?” Gavin whispered to Nines.

Nines leaned in and circled Gavin protectively in his arms, pressing a smirking mouth to the side of his head.

“Of course I did, Detective. Don’t play coy, you did too… It’s all part of the thrill.” Nines replied and Gavin felt his face burn, red hot. Without a word, he pulled Nines along towards the elevator.

“Reed! It’s only 10:30 in the morning, where the fuck do you think you’re-” Fowler started, but bristled when Gavin only lifted up his hand and flipped him off without even turning back.

Go show Alex some love:

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You can visit my AO3 for anything I don’t currently post to Tumblr, which is a multi-chapter Reed900 fic currently ongoing. Thanks for reading! 💙

#gavin reed x rk900 #reed900 #gavin reed #rk900 nines #gavin x rk900 #dbh rk900 #gavin900 #gavin army #dbh gavin #detroit being human #detroit become human #fanfic #dbh nines

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tumblunni · 5 years

Text

Why is gyan amakano so cute. It should be illegal. I hate how he has such a huggable design and then his character is totally wasted on being half super evil jerkman half Every Fat Stereotype Simultaneously. Like seriously how did this even HAPPEN

Artist: ok so ive drawn this round softman in a cute lil fancy tuxedo who always carries lollipops in his back pocket

Writers: ah yes, the perfect Irredeemable Murder Cannibal Man

Or like..

Writers: we need an Irredeemable Murder Cannibal Man

Artist: dont worry bro i got ya *draws a big circle with a happy face*

Or of course theres the alternative universe where nobody involved in this project ever noticed that this character design looks fuckin precious, but i dont want to live in that world

And then he's only in!! Two episodes!! And theyre so weird and not great!! Its like they kept changing their mind whether he was meant to be funny or scary. Goes from "ha ha a fat man enjoys cookies" to "he literally wants to make cannibal cookies out of humans" to "but ha ha look he's cosplaying as the genie from aladdin, lets go back to laughs now".

And also they made him be a huge jerk to Are Bacchino and that pisses me off!! Its already a bit shitty that they made a character whose entire "joke" is that he has ocd/germaphobia and its meant to be funny? Somehow? That he has this mental illness? And is frequently exposed to stuff that terrifies him?? Funny how???? But then theres a really rather disturbing montage of Gyan punishing his sidekick by straight up triggering his phobia and YIKES MAN sorry thats even more evil than the cannibalism! Also why was it drawn all overly detailed and Saw-esque?? Why did we need so much art effort put into showing dirty feet and a guy being forced to stick his hand in a shit filled toilet. Was this someone's goddamn fetish or something???

So yeah. Upset.

U P S E T T I. R E G R E T T I.

I'm so mad they wasted a cool character deisgn and cool concept on such a shitty execution. Like even the plot could have been cool? They could have got a lot more episodes out of the idea of these two runnibg thru fairytale books and cosplaying as different classic villains. And if theyd just made a damn decision and gone with either funny cute or scary bad then it could have worked! Personally i am voting for funnycute obv course. But also thatd work best with this plot, it would have been better if it was just a low stakes goofy adventure with something like "oh this dude wants to find the legendary magic wish thingie to wish for a lifetime supply of chocolate and our heroes wanna wish for something actually important so thats why they fight". Could have even added some drama cos like he doesnt know the thing is actually dangerous and then what if he ends up possessed by it and you still get a fight with him thats pretty high stakes without having this weird inconsistant personality thing. Could be quite a dramatic twist to suddenly have comedy villain man as a genuine threat! Ans could be a way to resolve it all with friendship cos you could have Are Bacchino teaming up with the heroes to save his boss and then Gyan is like "whoa i guess you guys were 100% right all along" when he gets saved from his own bigass mistake and all. And then THE GAMES COULD ACTUALLY MAKE HIM PLAYABLE PERHAPS, JUST SAYIN

Also PLEASE rewrite like every single thing about the relationship between the two of them. Please take whoever said "yeah gyan should outright torture his one and only friend with a messed up Saw movie ocd-triggering machine" and throw them out the window. Consider this: what if..they were actually...friend. Like i feel they'd have enough comedy potential already just from being a "rival mafia" thats literally two people who are ludocrously incompetant at everything they do and only ever succeed at (literally) stealing candy from babies. Play up that side of things more! No need to throw random super evil shit at the funnymen to make them seem more intimidating, theyre at their best when theyre not intimidating at all. And you could still have the same gag of the fairytale world forms always being Gyan as some sort of classic villain and Are as a talking carpet or whatever, like just say thats how the magic works instead of Gyan doing it on purpose to be a jerk. And you could even still have Are being the funny underdog just from sheer bad luck instead of being purpisely mistreated by every single character in the entire cast. Or have it that Gyan is just a bit of a bumbling idiot boss who doesnt notice his mistakes and Are is like the hypercompetant sidekick who always ends up taking the consequences of those mistakes because he's like an overportective bodyguard. Which could also be a way to establish some cute friendship moments! Like i dunno someone's about to throw a pie at Gyan and Are does an overdramatic diving save and a whole fake death scene from the sheer horror of getting banana cream frosting on his suit. "Boss...go on without me..." *cough choke* And Gyan is like *equally overdramatic tears* "He made the ultimate sacrifice! I will avenge him!!" *charges forward to fight the heroes and just gets easily beat up like usual* And then its like *even more continually dramatic narration* "and the boss was beaten and bruised, but he carried me for miles through wind and storm" *over footage of like ridiculously impossible heroic adventures thay clearly didnt happen* And then it just cuts to the two of them sitting at like...ye olde fantasy laundromat. Are sobbing like "oh boss i'll never forget this" and Gyan is just like *thought bubble* "i wish i got to eat that pie tho"

I dunno maybe im naive but i just think shows are generally more fun when characters actually like each other and have motivations beyond self interest. Obvipusly not EVERY character has to be like that, but nobody is ever kind at all in the damn anime whether theyre villain or hero. And also specifically these sorts of minor role villains can benefit a lot from being fleshed out this way to become way more memorable! Like gin and kin became way better in Psychic Specters when they got the added trait of loving and cherishing their little brother. (To the point of it being a literal battle power that made their horribly hard boss fight even worse, lol!)

Also just...plz dont make a man so cute if hes meant to be big badness. Like seriously Are looks scarier than him and Are is like the least scary man to ever have those scary ass eyes! Smol depressed man with ocd and tol round lollipops friendo. I WANT TO LOVE THEM

Im gonna just cross my arms and sit here stubbornly hoping for The Anime/Game Effect to kick in. Like 99% of all characters in the anime are jerks and even when anime originals end up cameoing in the games they tend to become generally nicer and more well developed as people. So fingers crossed for a yw4 appearance thats full cute and 0% cannibalism!!!

Seriously fuckin.. CANNIBALISM

Why does the anime do that so much as a "funny" "joke"? The episode where Jerry murders a sentient dessert yokai in graphic gory detail still haunts me. "Ha ha its funny because technically theres no blood so we can show her gasping for breath with a hole in her lungs as a man eats her corpse" Did they put the entire budget into that one death animation??? Oh no cos they saved at least a little of it for the Herbiboy Gets Murdered By A Lawnmower episode T_T

Anime why u be this way.

#gyan amakano #i wonder what dub name theyd give these guys if they made it into yw4 tho?#apparantly are bacchino is a pun on al pacchino + germaphobia #but i dont know if theres any pun behind gyan's name #i can only speculate that it might have been based on the real name gianno

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agirlinhell · 5 years

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just a casual reminder that:

THIS BLOG AND ITS MUSE CONTAIN PRETTY MUCH ALMOST EVERY MAJOR TRIGGER. THIS BLOG IN ITS ENTIRETY IS EXTREMELY TRIGGERING. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

If you proceed to read this blog’s content after the multiple content warnings that I present in the blog’s rules page, you are responsible for whatever happens. I informed you of what is present. Do not try to claim I did not give you an adequate warning.

I write a lot of “horrible” shit. I literally write a sweet and innocent girl turned assassin and killer in her own right in the apocalypse for a muse - there’s very little I have an issue with writing in detail. This blog is riddled with mature content. With that said, I won’t be roleplaying with anyone under the age of sixteen. This should be obvious but just because I write disturbing content DOES NOT MEAN I SUPPORT IT.

On the topic of Clementine, she is a very morally grey character - she is neither good nor evil. She will not always be kind and sweet to your muse. She won’t always do the morally “right” thing. She will not hesitate to resort to murder, manipulation, blackmail and torture if it means getting what she wants.

Please don’t have your muse presume to know what Clementine is thinking, unless if your muse is some kind of telepath. Just because you know what going on OOCly, it doesn’t mean your character knows. Characters who seem to know more than they would is irritating and really annoying. Clementine is very charismatic, persuasive and secretive and as such, it is difficult to know exactly what she’s planning or thinking.

My Clementine has been - and still is - very lonely, and did not have friends or family for most of her life, as everyone else had either betrayed her or died, and even with her friends and accomplices, most of her friendships were merely for survival purposes. It’s fairly easy to forget that the timeline of Episodes 3 through 5 of Season One lasts only about four days. In the space of less than a week, Clementine has lost everyone she’s ever loved. She finds her parents infected, Lee is either dead or infected, and every single other person Clementine has come to rely on and know in the past three months — everyone, from Duck to Lily to Kenny to Ben and everyone in between — has died systematically over the course of a few days. Omid and Christa are the only ones who survived, but she had only met them during that four day timespan. It gets even worse as the seasons progress and this is no understatement in the slightest.

Clementine is age eighteen-nineteen and over in her default verse, as it is set post-The Final Season. With that said, most asks will be answered when Clementine is an adult, unless if the ask specifies for a specific verse.

For the love of all that is good and holy, DO NOT STEAL MY HEADCANONS FOR CLEMENTINE.

There are people I have a lot of threads with. It's inevitable that sometimes it'll appear as if I only reply to one person or the same 2-3 people simply because they're the only ones I have a lot of replies from. If you can't handle it looking like I've only responded to so called "faves" all day, when I owe you less than 5 things, don't follow me.

While Clementine in the majority of her verses is a human, there will be alternate universes where she is a vampire, werewolf, crossroad demon, shapeshifter/druid, deity, etc. and because of this, she will be very powerful and in some scenarios, even overpowered in the case of her deity verse. However, I do not powerplay/godmod/whatever else. It’s hard for some people to grasp, but for example, in my vampire or deity verses, Clementine does not give a shit about yours enough to waste her energy on them. For example: I have a verse where Clem is a goddess, and yes, she could know everything about your muse, but trust me -- she’s not going to act like it or even acknowledge what she could know. She doesn’t care to go through your muse's brain to figure out what they’re thinking. The only real metagaming you’ll see is deity!Clementine knowing your muse’s name when they haven’t given it out. I will IM the fuck out of you before I do some crazy shit with her anyway. I only ask you don’t act as if she is not a powerful goddess in said verse - because she is and she will destroy a muse that pisses her off.

Have a rules page and an about page for your character. I don’t care if your character is canon. I will not follow you if I can’t find an about section. Linking to the wikipedia/whatever page of your canon character does not count.

I don’t follow people who post ooc a lot. Blog updates, headcanons, activity notices, etc are not ooc per say but an excessive amount of them can be.

I have a really big issue with people who post super negative stuff all the time. I’d rather not have to deal with your problems on top of my own, thanks.

I absolutely will not follow you if I have to put in a ton of effort just to make it so I can actually read your information. I don't give a fuck about the "aesthetic" - just give me something to work with.

I do not follow every single blog one person has. It feels like you’re taking up a ton of my dash/followers, and it drives me insane.

I don’t follow people who are only here for shipping. If you're here just because you want to ship with Clementine, you came to the wrong place. My Clementine is not just a shipping facet.

If we do not interact within three months of becoming mutuals, unless if there’s a hiatus on your part, I will softblock/unfollow you. Interaction means a starter (or ask) and a reply. If I write you a starter and you never respond, it is not interacting.

The more we talk ooc, the easier it is for me to reply. It makes me more comfortable writing with you, and I often chat about our muses, making it a lot easier to come up with ideas and giving me a lot of muse and inspiration for our threads.

Memes can be awkward and harder for me to answer if we’ve never interacted before. I understand that a lot of people prefer memes as a means of getting things started, but I would really rather plot if you’re trying to get a thread of any substance going. I don’t mind starting with a meme, but I can almost guarantee you it’s not going to go very far if it’s our first thread.

Don’t pester me for replies. Feel free to remind me about a thread by liking my last reply to it or sending me an IM, but I will be really annoyed if you remind me more than once or twice within a month.

If I don’t like the post, I didn’t see it. Please tell me about it.

I’m a part time college student with shit mental health and confidence issues. I can be slow as hell some days and fast as fuck on others.

Once a thread is longer than two paragraphs (medium sized), it sometimes takes me 948728923660700 years to gain motivation for it. It will literally exhaust the hell out of me, but I am not against longer threads, in fact, I totally encourage them. It just takes me way longer to gather muse, time, and motivation to respond to them. If we have a longer thread together, I expect you to be patient as hell. Obviously, I will not mind waiting forever for your reply either.

I'm not going to bother with a million poorly slapped together ships for the sake of the muses involved "being cute" together. Most ships will need to be plotted, yes, even canon ships like Louis/Clementine and Violet/Clementine. My muse is not going to like yours without special circumstances and an extra push from me, especially since Clementine is demiromantic and demisexual.

I almost always answer asks in the form of a starter (questions are the common exception). Don't feel obligated to continue every ask I respond to.

Please, for the love of god, like a starter or ask response if I post it for you. I hate not knowing if you saw it or not. I will send it to you if you haven’t liked it within a few days of being active.

I have discord if for whatever reason mutuals want to speak to me outside of tumblr’s IM system - I also RP on discord - it's for mutuals only and you must let me know who you are beforehand.

#OUT OF THE APOCALYPSE. ( ANGIE SPEAKS. )#( PSA. )#( note: this isn't directed at anyone in particular!! )#tw; long post

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nightfayre · 5 years

Note

hi im the anon ! i dont remember what i said >

and I’m alarmed by the fandom mentality. Maybe HT means good - but how would we know? we don’t have access to his thoughts - but we must judge his actions, and his actions are for the least very troubling. It’s always abt coercing Mo and not respecting his boundaries. I see the trope “when she says no, she means yes” here and once again, the fact the fandom swallows it uncritically (bc HT is a poor, hot tortured boy) is alarming. Forcing Mo to wear his gift stinks of “this is my possession, don’t mess wt him” 2/5

Maybe im pessimistic n its actually to protect him by distance, but once again he totally disregards Mo’s will. What if he doesnt want to be protected ? what if he doesnt want to be an object to be pass around between self-entitled psychos ? The first step to protect and help someone is by listening to them. I hope Mo will react strongly and will tell HT that by saying this, he’s no different from She Li. And i hope that would provoke HT to self-reflect a lot - smth he lacks tremendously. 3/5

That being said i love HT and tianshan! And what i love is how realistic and flawed they are. Theyre both hyper violent, distrustful, and severly lacking in communication skills. Im thrilled to see how theyre going to evolve -for the better or the worse, both is good for me. But i’m very disappointed by the fandom reaction like “ooh how cute hes possessive it means love!” or “actually its not bad doing HT doing that bc his intentions are good”. 4/5

And I will be vry, vry disappointed if OX decides to follow this trend and to not show how this kind of actions is detrimental to their reliationship and use the tired and dangerous trope of “being violent means that you care”. I trust them to be more nuanced than that bc until now they are great at drawing grey relationship. So yea i hope next chapter, tianshan plunges (before being better). Anw sry for the rant, and plz continue the good work !! 5/5

phew. there’s a lot to unpack here – but I agree wholeheartedly with you. since this post is already kinda long, I will put my answer/explanation under the cut!

the parts that I bolded in your asks are what I intend to focus on in this answer. strap in, because this is going to be a long one.

before anything, let me put a disclaimer: I love He Tian. I love Guan Shan. I love Old Xian. I love tianshan, and I love where they are headed in the manhua. does that mean I also love where tianshan are right now? no, it doesn’t. and I’m here to explain why I look forward to their potential rather than their current relationship’s dynamics.

one of the hardest parts about being in a fandom is being able to separate fiction, reality, and morality. this is especially hard when a fandom is as old and endearing as 19 Days, and when you fall in love with & are rooting for all the characters. furthermore, 19 Days is not a tragedy. of course, when Jian Yi disappears, it will be tragic. but otherwise the majority of the manhua is a comical, romantic slice-of-life plot. as such, it’s easier for what would usually be seen as blaring issues/problems in tragedies to be disregarded for comedy or, in some cases, romance in a comedic, romantic slice-of-life.

this is exactly the case with tianshan. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: He Tian’s current relationship with Guan Shan is not healthy. he doesn’t listen to Guan Shan. he doesn’t respect his personal space. he doesn’t know where to draw the line. he doesn’t know how to properly communicate with him, and thus resorts to violence or threats. tianshan just have a problem with communication. and, sure, maybe it can be chalked up to the fact that they’re young and stressed and don’t know any better. but that excuse is almost as bad as the “boys will be boys” excuse, and that doesn’t make it any better nor does it justify their actions.

He Tian’s idea of relationships is so twisted, and as I talked about in a previous answer, it can probably be stemmed back to his trauma with the puppy Cheng took away from him. I won’t get too deep into that since I explained it in detail in that answer, but keep this in mind nonetheless: He Tian grew up in a family of violence, distance, miscommunication, and lies. it’s all he’s ever known, and that’s what he’s applying to his relationship with Guan Shan. does that make it right? no, absolutely not. but he’s learning.

when Guan Shan had a panic attack at the restaurant, He Tian learned that people aren’t robots/pawns to use at his disposal and rather have their own strong emotions/backgrounds that shape them. thus, he brought Guan Shan home without a word. when he had his night terror and woke up to Guan Shan holding his hands, He Tian realized that there are parts of Guan Shan he still doesn’t know and, potentially, an aspect of their relationship that they’ve only started to uncover. thus, he thanked him without preamble and with a bowed head.

what I’m trying to say is that He Tian does have good intentions at times, but not always. he’s learning as he goes, because god knows he didn’t have a family to teach him how healthy relationships should be. there probably is a part of He Tian that only wants to protect Guan Shan against She Li, but he certainly doesn’t show it in the right way. he acts possessive because he knows that if he doesn’t, he’ll lose what he loves (*insert flashback to the puppy*). again, does that make it right? hell no. jealousy and possessiveness are not cute and are entirely unhealthy in a relationship. the fandom should view them as such, but should also keep an open mind when considering He Tian’s background.

and honestly, the reason why I’m focusing so much on He Tian right now rather than Guan Shan is because if it were up to Guan Shan, he would’ve dropped He Tian within the first few days (maybe even hours) of meeting him. but because of He Tian’s persistence, Guan Shan has no choice but to be involved with him and retaliate when He Tian verbally/physically/emotionally attacks him. nonetheless, Guan Shan has tried to walk away from He Tian on multiple occasions when He Tian’s teasing became too much, and on those occasions, He Tian has given in. (ex. I can’t find the exact chapter, but there is a chapter in which Guan Shan refuses to use He Tian’s fork to eat He Tian’s leftovers, and he gets up and says, “I’m going home,” to which He Tian replies, “Fine, fine, I’ll buy you new food.”)

so yes – tianshan certainly have flaws. He Tian holds too much power, and Guan Shan can’t catch a break. the fandom romanticizes their interactions, but if you take a moment to think realistically and recognize that character flaws are essentially bad but also critical for character development, then there is an even balance in the readers’ relationship with the manhua. don’t support He Tian’s violent interactions with Guan Shan and claim “omg He Tian loves Guan Shan sooooo much when he forces Guan Shan to do XYZ,” but rather support the fact that he hasn’t physically manhandled/harmed Guan Shan in many chapters. support and celebrate He Tian’s development, not his flaws.

and as for what you said about Guan Shan telling He Tian that he’s “no better than She Li”? while I don’t think He Tian is truly as bad as She Li, I actually think that would be a painful, great, and pivotal moment in their relationship. after all, the most consequential scene in tianshan’s relationship thus far has been the kiss. at that moment, Guan Shan had told He Tian outright that he disgusted him and to leave him alone. since then, I don’t think He Tian has ever looked so… taken aback. unsettled.

and guess what? their relationship has only gotten better since then, and He Tian hasn’t touched him like that again.

I don’t know, anon. it’s a tough call. I think tianshan have a lot more chapters ahead of them, and I don’t think Old Xian will allow them to end on bad terms. actually, I don’t think Old Xian will allow them to end on the terms that they’re on right now. they can only improve from here on out, but how Old Xian will go about showing that improvement is unknown to us. there are many paths this story can take, but rather than worrying about what might happen, let’s focus on the here and now. let’s focus on the problems at hand, and let’s focus on the development the characters are undergoing.

don’t ignore the wrongness/cruelty of characters’ actions, but don’t romanticize them either. if you do, you’re only doing a disservice to the character’s personality, existence, and the author’s intentions.

(and as for this newest chapter specifically: I see why people can get excited about He Tian telling Guan Shan to wear the earrings. He Tian wants to verify to both himself and She Li that Guan Shan is with him now. that Guan Shan is no longer under She Li’s control. who doesn’t love a little verification of their OTP’s relationship, especially when it involves an enemy?

but at the same time, it’s unhealthy. Guan Shan doesn’t have a say. he’s being handed around like an object. I don’t think this is pessimistic thinking; I think it’s the truth that no one wants to acknowledge/hear. but I’m not saying that tianshan is wrong in this chapter; I’m saying that He Tian has good intentions, but he’s not showing them correctly. and there will be a chapter in which he does show them correctly, but we must travel this rocky road before we get to that point. patience is key, and I cannot wait until He Tian and Guan Shan reach that moment of clarity. you can’t have light without the dark.)

#19 days #tianshan #mailbox #anon

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19possums-blog · 5 years

Text

On tianshan relationship and their fandom, i guess ?

hello there @nightfayre !! Im the 5asks anon lol (the one abt the last chapter of tianshan). I wanted to thank you for your answer and continue to rant in your askbox but i figured it was so long that mb it would crash ur box lmao, so I... kind of created a blog..... hm. well theres no bad reasons to create an account is there lol ?? (also is there no way to send a long ask ?? why is it so limited :(( )

So once again thank you for anwser, and what an answer ! You raised many points i didnt think about and that was very interesting. I knew i would be glad to hear your thoughts ! the rest under a read more coz i think its going to be looong lol

(( To do a sort of disclaimer : I despise fandom discourse and im more of the mentality “let ppl enjoy what they want as long as it dont hurt real life ppl”, and “dont like dont interact”. So everything im going to say is not an attack against anyone, but just a way of prolonging a manhwa that i like. Most of all, i want to emphasize that at the end of the day, its just a manhwa : it doesnt justify being mean or aggressive towards other real life ppl. If you find yourself raging while reading fandom wank, just stop reading, block, and go outside a little. My way of enjoying the manhwa is to be analytical, to criticize (positively and negatively) and to look at the material source as well as the fandom in itself ; if its (understandably lol) not your definition of fun, this post may not be for you !))

Ur totally right in saying that the hardest thing is separate morality, reality and fiction. I hope my asks didn't come across as a 'u shouldnt like tianshan bc its not morally good'. There is a lot of puritan push back on tumblr lately, and im totally against it. Everyone is free to like/ship what they want ; reading only ‘morally good’ literature wont prevent you to become a nasty person - i would argue itd be the exact opposite, as your spirit wont be trained to think critically or to evaluate a situation (and every situations is always grey) by your own means. Also, its important to separate fantasies/what you like to read and who you are/what you do. To be embarrassingly honest, and like many people, one of my sexual fantasy is rape ; but in my real life, im in a queer anarchist collective that actively fights against rape culture and defends rape victims. That is why i dont have a problem with SheLI/Mo shippers (or even HeCheng/SheLi shippers) even if its not my cup of tea, but i would have a problem if in real life (irl) ppl would say to irl Mo that irl SL is good for him (or if they wouldnt find it wrong that a irl 30yo Cheng is involved wt an irl 15yo Li). I digress.

But then again this confusion about fiction/reality/morality is at the core of the tianshan fandom -and many fandoms. I dont know about you, but i grossly see 3 types of ‘trends’ depending on how ppl interact with the source material :

1.The ones who think you cant like something while being critical of it. I love 19 days but I think there are flaws in it, beyond tianshan dynamic (like how OX handles the transition between funny and dramatic moments –I think its badly done). It doesn’t mean I personally hate OX and wish harm to their family oc. Worse than this, the ones who, because they dont like certain things in 19 days, feel free to harass OX on their social media. Here its a confusion between fiction and reality and a lack of critical thinking.

2. the ones that loves Tianshan because they think it fits the trope “Dark, handsome, tortured violent boy who is violent towards fragile, sweet, pure cute boy because he loves him” and the typically associated trope “the pure boy will change the violent boy by the pureness of his heart”. Aka the most common yaoi trope. Again, if it pleases people to see Tianshan like this, good for them and i hope they have a nice time reading 19 days. Lets face it, I love really bad yaoi and books. Its just not how i see tianshan at all, but to each their own. I just have a problem when these ppl insist that its an ok behavior to have in real life and say things like “possessiveness is a proof of love” uncritically (hint : it isnt). For me, its the difference between enjoying fast food (thats okay), and wanting to force everyone to eat fast food and to find it pleasurable (not okay).

3. the ones that think what you like in literature defines who you are, and so in order to be a “good person” you have to only like “morally good litterature” -there are the ones I personally find the more interesting bc they can ask good questions. But alas, in most cases its just puritanism badly disguised and currently they are in all fandoms. Lets not delve into the issue of this statement : what is ‘morally good’ ? who are in the authority to proclaim what is good ? how can you recognize what is ‘morally good’ if you dont see what is ‘morally not good’ ? is it literature’s responsibility to educate its audience ? do literature have to point out “watch out audience what just happened is not okay” as if we were brainless children ? whats more important : what you like reading or what you do irl ? .... Okay i totally delve into this lmao. Here its a confusion between fiction and morality and a rejection of critical thinking : we could say its like when the Catholics prohibited women from reading bc it would pervert them and think of the children).

Returning to the specifics of what we've been talking about : so in this last case, you (generic ‘you’) think that you are a good person ; so you have to read morally good literature. So in this case, fandom isnt just a harmless hobby, but a proof of how you are morally good, imagine the stakes ! But alas, you happen to like 19 days and most specifically tianshan. You said (@nightfayre ) that you judge Tianshan unhealthy as they are now, and i wholeheartedly agree with you, so im not going to discuss why since you already explained it so well. So, what happens when you like a morally not good ship, but you think liking morally dubious things makes you a bad person ? You bent over backwards to explain that, in fact, this ship is morally good, to protect your integrity. And thats why, in 19days fandom since the last chapter (and its the same thing with every chapter where flaws of HT are revealed!), there are many posts going around “hm, in fact, what He Tian did is good ! i know it can seems like hes a violent asshole who dont respect MGS because he punches him, threatens him, and dont listen to him, but hm.... in fact its because he’s nice...” and then they do mental gymnastics to justify what is, obviously, not morally justifiable. And i find its a pity because, my guy, my buddy, nobody is going to throw you tomatoes if you like a morally dubious character, and also bc nothin is morally good ! everybody does what they think is the best in ‘problematic situations’ ! and thats what make life interesting ! and so, 19 days interesting ! The flaws of HT (and MGS) are what drawn ppl to his character, bc it makes him real, its makes him contradictory, we can project ourselves in him, and we can see a complicated character with awesome latent potential. And yes, treating someone like a territory bc you care about them is a flaw lol. (on this subject : i saw ppl saying that its protectiveness and not possession : if you protect someone like you would protect a territory, then its not a healthy protection. you deal with a human whose agency you must respect, contrary to a territory).

MGS and HT are the product of what happen to them in their early childhood and then their adolescence. Like you said, they grow up in a violent, twisted world, where being emotionally distant is the norm. I would even say that they are expected to conform to the standards of (toxic) masculinity : channel all your emotions into anger, caring is being weak and feminine, prove your worth by your physical strength, be in control in all ur relationship, etc. I would say thats why Mo is so hostile towards HT : HT challenges his masculinity, by seducing him (everyone know that the biggest fear of macho men like HT and Mo is being considered gay -_-) and being stronger than him. Lets face it, Mo has kind of a homophobic issue, like all the boys. Between JY who tells HT its disgusting being told hes handsome by a man (at the beginning of the manhwa, i hope by now he had grown out of it), or Mo who tells HT he isnt happy that a guy is on his bed or who desperately wants to prove his heterosexuality by saying he likes all cute girls to his baldy friend... HT is more nuanced, but at the end, when he ‘seduces’ Mo, its always predatory. He doesnt let himself being vulnerable and he aggressively touches Mo even without his consent. For me, its a way of proving his domination, not his interest (and when i say that, i dont mean that HT is not genuinely interested in Mo -just that his actions dont translate this). ZZX is the only one who seems to have a healthy relationship with his masculinity lol, but then hes the healthy one in all aspects (thats why i dont like his character and am not invested in zhanyi, even if irl i would love to be his friend).

With all that being said, oc HT wont know how to adequately express genuine concern and interest in Mo ! This sort of social interactions is not something you just know, its smth you learn. And in HT and Mo’s cases, nobody was there to teach them -we could even say that ppl in their life made them unlearn caring behaviors. So HT does what he does best : he fights and forces, and is surprised when Mo thinks (obviously) HT is evil. And also, like you said, Mo will never be (at least how he is now) a driving force in their relationships bc he will always run away from bonding with ppl. So here we are, HT being the only driving force in their relationship, the same HT who only knows violence. No wonder that their relationship is like this...

As it is, i feel like tianshan is kind of in an impasse right now. One or the other is going to have to evolve if we want to see their relationships changing. Either HT learns how to care without being violent (seems complicated if Mo doesnt challenges him, bc HT isnt going to realize this without feedback since its how he has always functioned), or, more likely, Mo is going to be honest with him and tell him that his behavior is hurting him. Though more probable, I dont see it happening anytime soon : for one, Mo isnt capable of seeing when he is hurting emotionally and what is hurting him ; and also, bc Mo doesnt know any other language than violence, not unlike HT. I think its smth most of the fandom ignore, how violence is smth that HT and MGS both have in common, and how if HT wasnt violent, MGS certainly wouldnt consider him at all.

Anw im excited to see where OX is going with all this ! Like you said, the forced kiss was pivotal to their relationship, so im kind of hoping it would be the same here ! I just hope they wont... do like usual and just put a funny chapter and ignore this latest development.....

OMG i wrote soo much and there is so much i still want to say.... i think im going to do a second post... sorry about the spam lmao

( @nightfayre : i dont know how this site works yet, is @ you alright ? will it show you my post in your notif or should i send an ask ? bc i want you to see my answer, but i dont want you to feel pressurized to respond or interact or anything !! above all dont feel pressurized, i was sad last night when you wrote ‘im sorry to not answer more quicly’ bc you should answer at your own rhythm or not answer ! your blog is a hobby, not an obligation, so dont feel bad to not do more when yo already do much !! )

#19days #19 days #tianshan

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lesbianskylor · 6 years

Note

*slides you five bucks* holly,,,,holly,,,pls give me greenlove headcanons,,,,the world Must Know

greenlove hcs

so . greenlove is this super poly ship a lot of my friends and i came up with. we basically all made an oc and plopped them into a poly ship with lloyd uwu

so, ill explain the ocs to you first!

micah (owner - tumblr: witchlightsands ao3: whichlights) he/him bi flower boy. he a flower boy baby!!!! hes a flirty mess of a bi and is constantly supportive of lloyd. also he loves puns. bastard nerd

rhian (owner - tumblr: cynicalmiles ao3 - cynicalmiles) nb she/her ace pan. she has the elemental power of magic! she also has two dads (nyx and max) and a bro named jayden (owner - tumblr: lightning-jay23 ao3: lightning_jay23). good at makeup. the shortest lol. she’s in the exact middle of the bastard/nerd/dumbass/valid scale

myan (owner - tumblr: qibliwinter/lesbianskylor (HEHEHEHE ME) ao3: hollyus) he/they pan. depending on the au, he’s a vet student or a volunteer or owner of a shelter! he has a dog named scritch and he’s pretty much, besides micah, the most normal one of the greenlove gang. valid nerd

bo (owner - ao3: Nagasha) she/her grayace demiro. she’s a coolass serpentine (hypnobrai)!! she grew up in a group of serpentine girls and she met lloyd at a p young age. probably the most down to earth one of the group. at the very top of valid nerd

ver (owner - tumblr: terezi-kin) he/they demiboy polysexual aro. ABSOLUTE meme trash. ASKJNDLSDFDK jokes are like, his defining personality trait at this point honestly. tall bitch but not the tallest. chaotic good dumbass bastard

celestien (owner - tumblr: iwillheckingfightyou/anywaylloydgarmadonistrans ao3: i_will_fight_you) nb they/them and arospec multisexual. tol long haired redhead, punches transphobes. they have two moms

also: here are more specific ship names

micah/lloyd - brightshipping

rhian/lloyd - emeraldshipping

rhian/micah/lloyd - sparkleshipping

myan/micah - m&mshipping

thats,, kind of all we have so far rip

OKAY - now we get into the actual hcs (which im SORRY miles youve probably heard them all in the discord nsdjkfldk)

rhian and myan are the shortest of the group, celestien and ver are the tallest

SO, rhian and myan totally ride on their shoulders and have a nerf gun fight

(in the circumstance his family is an owner of a shelter) myan and micah totally meet before meeting the others because myan has a shelter that’s like across the street from micah’s flower shop

at some point micah adopts a cat named skittles from the shelter and he cries when he first sees her bc shes so cute.

she’s around 2 years old and she’s a brown tabby with a white muzzle, paws, tip of tail, chest and stomach

she’s affectionate af

lloyd used to be single as fuck before greenlove and everybody made fun of him, so when he gets SIX WHOLE DATEMATES he laughs in their face

after the whole harumi fiasco the ninja DEFINITELY keep their eye on his datemates.

kai, to all of them: hey? hey! you hurt lloyd i hurt you

nya: (pulls out her samurai x dual swords) ill let you figure it out!

cole: ok yall seem chill but if you ever treat lloyd badly…youll regret the day you were born. anyways who likes video games here

jay: you better watch out…you better watch out…yOU BETTER WATCH OUT… YOU BETTER WATCH

zane: (gives off sense of intense protecting of lloyd)

anyways, it is eventually proven that the greenlove squad are all also extremely protective of lloyd (esp after all the shit he went through) and would never hurt him intentionally so all the ninja become cool with them

greenlove is the lloyd protection squad.

all of the greenlove squad minus lloyd: i am the lloyd guardian. guardian of the lloyd

the ninja: morro quivers before them!

greenlove gang minus greenie to morro: FUCK OFF

ver constantly tortures micah with memes and jokes

though,,, they do bond over puns

ver: you wanna go?

lloyd: yea

ver: on a date with me?

ver: OH YOU DO

ver: OHHHH

lloyd: YOU ACT LIKE I FELL FOR A CUNNING PRANK IM YOUR BOYFRIEND YOU EGG

lloyd: turtles turn up

myan: hell yeah go turtles

lloyd: dead on beaches

myan: oh dear god

greenlove: (just doing shit)

ver: wait

ver: so bo’s a snake person yeah

bo: …well, the term is serpentine, but..yeah??

micah: yea- oh god ver no

ver: we’re all scalies

bo: oh, um? i dont quite get what you mean, but his name is skales! not sure how he would react to you calling him, uh, skalie?

lloyd: (wheeze)

myan has, lots of grandchildren and children

(hint: they’re all animals)

myan, when a cat gives birth: hey guys look! its our 34th grandchild :)

rhian’s basically besties with nya

whenever she goes out on a date with lloyd, nya does her makeup, and kai does lloyd’s makeup (since nya and kai are makeup masters obvs)

any love song that’s sweet and nice: plays

all of the greenlove members simultaneously: HOLY SHIT ITS OUR SONG-

celestien: happy one year babe!

ver:

ver: im 18

celestien is ur friendly neighborhood anarchist :)

they have a discord with the ninja & co (aka adding on skylor and pixal) named “0 days since our last nonsense”

ver: @everybody

kai: i will kick your ass if you tag everybody again

ver: @here

kai: bitch

ver: (feigning innocence) but you didn’t say dont tag here :) :)

kai: fucker

nobody ever. ever. EVER gives ver mod/admin permissions. it happened once and theyll never make the same mistake again

my hc shortest from tallest is rhian, myan, bo, lloyd, micah, ver, celestien

celestien when they’re around tiny animals: (tearing up) you are so small? i could crush you? you’re just? so tiny?

micah dramatically during christmas: ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS , IS YOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUU

bo: micah i know you’ve been telling us this again and again for the like past 6 hours?

ver: you know what’s my music taste? youtube channel historyteachers.

ver, yelling at the top of their lungs: this plague is bubonic! B-U-B-O-N-I-C

ver: im factkin with the lady thats always singing in those videos

he listens to it so much that all his s/os can recite renaissance man to you on instant if you asked them to

myan: love is dead. you leave me as i lay here sick and festering. you have betrayed me

lloyd: woah whats up?

myan: my dog stole my fuckign popcorn

their older siblings/parents trade embarrassing stories about them and its just terrible for them but really amusing for their older siblings/parents

kai (lloyd), nyx, max (rhians dads), the reols parents (micah), myans parents, vers parents, the snake girl gang (bo), and celestiens moms: (cackling evilly)

bo: so, i was doing this and my friend-

micah: wait

bo: what

micah: oh my god myan and rhian rhyme,

rhian (before they started dating): writes her name on something

myan: holy SHIT THATS HOW YOU SPELL IT?

celestien nickname cel and rhian nickname rhi cause its cute

thATS MY HCS FOR GREENLOVE WHICH I LOVE!!!!!!!! sorry for taking for fucking ever

also if yall want to request hcs then Sure but from now on with hcs being put onto my inbox ill take them as suggestions- meaning, ill delete them if i dont feel like doing them (if you ask off anon ill post privately that i dont want to do it, if on anon ill just delete it lol)

#lloyd garmadon #lloyd ninjago #ninjago oc #oc x canon #ninjago #ninjago headcanons #cynicalmiles #ask

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elusianknight · 7 years

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hello! i only played dragon age inquisition once but i'd like to know what's the beef with cullen and why people dislike him, or if you could maybe point me to a post that explains it? i'd be grateful, thank you for your time :D

@dalishious has written much on this, and much better and more concisely than I (im SORRY THIS IS SO LONG), so definitely check out her literal CULLEN MASTERLIST here.

Long post incoming, my friend! Here’s my personal explanation, but check out that link too for more examples / concrete evidence lol.

Okay, here’s my honest opinion on the subject.

So the first game, Dragon Age: Origins. You can pick from six (seven) origins, and two of those are the Mage origin--the only difference between them is that you can play as either a human, or an elf. All the other origins are dependent on race (dwarf commoner, human noble, city elf, dwarf noble, Dalish elf).

I chose an elven mage on my first playthrough, and you start out in this Circle of Magi--so like, the big tower place w the mages. Specifically, Kinloch hold, aka the place Cullen was at.

As you play through the origin story of your character, if you’re a girl, it becomes clear that he has some weird crush on your character. Some people thought this was cute, but that’s overlooking some real, uh, problems with it, to say the least. He says that he would, literally, kill you if you failed the Harrowing (a test every mage has to take to evolve from being an apprentice to a full Circle mage). BUT, he says he’d rather not. So I guess people think it’s sweet that he’d regret killing you, despite doing it willingly...?

Later in the game, you come back to the Circle, and shit’s well and truly fucked. Demons everywhere, lots of dead mages and templars all around. But toward the top of the tower, you find Cullen in some weird magic circle thing. He’s just sitting there, hunched over and mumbling to himself. Apparently he’s been ~tortured~ as he says in DAI, but all it seems is that he was shown visions.

And if you’re playing a female mage, those ~visions~ are of your character.

He says they’re “taunting [him] with the one thing he always wanted but could never have, using [his] shame against [him]... [his] ill-advised infatuation with her, a mage of all things.” Now, I honestly don’t remember if this is just me imagining things or if this actually happened, but I’m rather sure he ALSO will make an additional comment about how she’s an elf, too, as in, just another thing to be ashamed of. But I think the rest of the dialogue speaks for itself.

The woman who wrote the origin, Sheryl Chee (she wrote Leliana, too, in all games) was confused when people thought he was cute (back in the days of DAO, way before DAI). She said the only sort of romance Cullen would have with the female mage Warden would be something “quick and violent” and just “to get her out of his system.”

One of the possible ending slides in Origins will mention that Cullen killed three apprentices back at the Circle before he left Kinloch Hold. This is the ending slide that I got on my first playthrough of the game.

So that clearly colored my opinion of him, but also, when I played DAO i was struggling w my sexuality a bit. Like, I think I knew I was gay, but I was dealing with homophobia from myself and my family, and I certainly didn’t feel good about it. The romance with Leliana and my warden honestly brought me to tears at parts because it was so wonderful to see a relationship between two women portrayed as something so sweet and normal (well, as normal as it could be. considering they’re fighting to save the world and all that stuff). So Cullen’s creepy comments were definitely NOT appreciated.

And that's aaaaaaaaaall just in Origins.

In Dragon Age II, regardless of what ending you got in DAO, he moves to the city of Kirkwall (where Hawke goes to) and is somehow promoted to the Knight Captain... the second-in-command of Meredith Stannard, the Knight-Commander of Kirkwall. And if you thought Kinloch Hold treated their mages bad, then hooooo boy, do you have another thing coming! Because the Circle in Kirkwall is literally called “The Gallows.” And rest assured, it lives up to its name.

Mages are hunted down and turned Tranquil (made into empty husks devoid of emotion)... illegally. If a mage passes their Harrowing, Chantry law apparently states that they can’t be made Tranquil, at least without a very good reason--it’s considered a last resort, of sorts, because it leaves the mage alive but unable to use magic (or dream, or have emotions). But in fact, it’s not a mercy at all. It’s used as a form of control and widely abused in Kirkwall. This leaves open room for any number of abuses, because Tranquil are all about ~logic~ and no emotion and what that boils down to is them doing anything, anything, that Templars tell them. And of course that’s taken advantage of--demonstrated by the fact that a Tranquil mage in Inquisition will tell the Inquisitor that she wouldn’t want to be cured, because she didn’t think she could handle what happened to her while she was Tranquil.

Anyway, back to Kirkwall. Meredith keeps up a horrendous system of abuse of mages, such that if you walk near the gates of the gallows you hear people being tortured, like whip lashes and, iirc, screams of pain. At the end of the game, Hawke can side with mages or templars, and if you side with the templars, Meredith will kill Hawke’s mage sister unless you explicitly stop her.

And in the end, Cullen sides with Hawke against Meredith, because she’s lost her mind to Red Lyrium... but here’s the thing.

He’s her second in command. He could have prevented some of the abuses in Kirkwall--or if anyone could have questioned her authority, naturally, he could have. But he didn’t. Not until the last moment, when he sides with Hawke at the end... as in, sides with the unstoppable force (Hawke and co.) that’s torn through the city anyway. If he stood with her, he’d have been cut down for sure.

Finally, Cullen doesn’t even get over the mage warden EVEN in DAI. If the Warden romanced Leliana, and if he didn’t romance the Inquisitor, he will ask Leliana about the Warden. The first part makes sense, but the second part kinda confirms that he is literally still thinking about the Warden in such a way. Which is at least kind of creepy. It’s been ten whole years.

In the broader scheme of things, a lot of this boils down to the fact that he is a Templar infatuated with a mage. He held direct power over the mage in question (literally tells the mage warden he’d kill her but feel sad about it???) so there’s not really any way for their relationship to have ever been equal, even if it wasn’t predatory to begin with (her being his charge directly).

Because, as we know, Cullen can romance a mage in Inquisition. And it is creepy as hell. Like, “you’re okay because you’re not like other mages” kind of creepy--calling her an exception, rather than an example, of her people. There’s other things in DAI--like how he never ACTUALLY apologizes or takes any sort of blame for what he did in Kirkwall--but check out the link because I avoided him as much as I could in DAI lol.

#anti-cullen #cullen hate #ramen hair #HOO BOY this got long #long post #victoriancuddler

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comicteaparty · 6 years

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March 11th-March 17th, 2019 CTP Archive

The archive for the Comic Tea Party week long chat that occurred from March 11th, 2019 to March 17th, 2019. The chat focused on Raison d'Etre by Cloud Fourteen (Funari and Leigh).

Featured Comment:

Chat:

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- WEEK LONG BOOK CLUB START!

Hello and welcome everyone to Comic Tea Party’s Week Long Book Club~! This week we’ll be focusing on Raison d’Etre by Cloud Fourteen (Funari & Leigh)~! (http://raisondetrecomic.com/)

You are free to read and comment about the comic all week at your own pace, so stop on by whenever it suits your schedule! Remember, though, that while we allow constructive criticism, our focus is to have fun and appreciate the comic. Below you will find four questions to get you started on the discussion. However, a new question will be posted and pinned everyday (between 12:01AM and 6AM PST), so keep checking back for more! You have until March 17th to tell us all your wonderful thoughts! With that established, let’s get going on the reading and the chatting!

QUESTION 1. What has been your favorite scene in the comic so far? What specifically did you like about it?

QUESTION 2. What do you believe are the nature and origin of Sachiko’s secret powers that make her Kregor’s target? What, if anything, might they have to do with Allie? What about the powers has supposedly killed Sachiko’s ancestors?

Funari (Raison d’Etre)

Yo! Funari here and I will make the time to check on messages this week when I can! Leigh and I will joint-answer through my name. I'll make sure to note when Leigh is answering :3 (ex. Leigh currently says "hello ") We can't wait to hear your thoughts!(edited)

RebelVampire

QUESTION 3. At the moment, who is your favorite character? What about that character earns them this favor?

QUESTION 4. Why do you think Yukina was so insistent on going to France after Sachiko and Koyomiko disappeared? In what ways has she or her life changed that might help or hurt her future goals? What is up with her new memory powers?

RebelVampire

1) im gonna name two cause i can and nobody can stop me. the first more serious one is the scene where kregor shows up for rie and then the fight rolls out. ive really come to appreciate how the event is laid out since things go from great to bad to whoops life changing catastrophe. its made especially sad just cause rie and sachiko were so close to kind of resolved their spat but whoops, no resolution for anybody. it was just a great scene that really upped the stakes and kind of changed the course of the path in a was that was refreshing and unexpected. the second scene im gonna pick is that small like 2 page scene where kregor is sick and elianne told him to rest. Like...legit did not expect that. As far as their relationship has been shown, it seemed angry and more boss/employee. But apparently Elianne cares a little bit about Kregor and i just love that. 3) right now its koneko. Cause Koneko's motivations and origin is a mystery i want to see delved into now. Koneko seems to be pulling lots of strings in the bg and this has really got me intrigued. And selfishly i just basically love a good mystery character who is definitely immensely more than they appear.(edited)

RebelVampire

2) So umm, going with Occam's razor on this theory. It seems most likely some ancestor of Sachiko got down with an umbrian probably. Some umbrian who was probably related to Elianne. Or maybe even Elianne cause who am i to judge how old Elianne is. I 100% think Allie is the manifestation of the powers and they're just all kind of shadow related. I just assume the ancestors were killed because theyre not the sort of powers the human body is supposed to be able to handle. 4) Honestly, I don't have good theories about the france choice. Although I do think that it might have been emotionally driven. Like people who suffer really horrific events usually don't want to be in places that remind them of it. So it makes sense Yukina would just want to gtfo of there. And France is at least semi familiar and has Cassandra. I think in terms of life change, I think shes just mostly matured more. So in essence is more fit to handle some of the emotional complications of what she needs to do. As for the memory powers, well, she is biologically Sachiko's daughter or so has been confirmed. And if Sachiko has weird powers that get her hunted, it stands to reason Yukina probably inherited something too. Something that might be muddling her normal Ascendant powers perhaps. But I definitely think she'll find a way to use it to help Sachiko and Koyomiko.

Funari (Raison d’Etre)

Koneko is a beloved character for sure. He is cute, he is cuddly (great for comfort!) He is...also apparently kinda good for saving lives!

And I had to look up what Occam's Razor was oop. But that's what Google is for! It IS a rather interesting take. We like to mix simple reasons within some complex ones to keep folks guessing. Is this one of the simple ones? We'll have to wait and see how it unfolds Though the "Elianne is litterally related to Sachiko" theory is one of the more popular ones even within the C14 server so you're not alone there!

Funari (Raison d’Etre)

One thing we can confirm, though, is that, yes...Yuki moved to France to get away from the bad reminders, the bad memories. Sadly it was just too much after the incident happened...The move wasn't an instant cure, either, but over time, it helped. She did meet a new girlfriend there!

snuffysam

One thing I'm curious about is when Allie first started appearing, how Sachiko reacted to her new powers, and so on. We haven't seen the shadow powers in any of the journal flashbacks in Part One, and we know Yukina's memory powers didn't start manifesting until recently, so maybe there's a connection there.

Alternatively, maybe Kregor REALLY goofed up that torture prison spell he used on Sachiko that one time and accidentally gave her some of Elianne's power.

Funari (Raison d’Etre)

Special 5 is a pretty fun read regarding that :3

http://www.raisondetrecomic.com/uastitle.html (for those that have read at least up to Ch 5, otherwise it's spoilers~)

Funari (Raison d’Etre)

The question hasn't been fully answered, but hints have happened for a bit, kinda leading to Part 2 (which will finally explain it...over time, heh)(edited)

Funari (Raison d’Etre)

A lot of the stuff since Chapter 5 has been with the help of Leigh. She's a really good writer that can put all these ideas together well while still keeping some things secret until "the time is right". I had a direction I wanted to go with this, but tended to get too wordy or expositiony at times. She helped reel that back a bit and organize it.

She's also good at working with what she's given even if it's not a lot, and boy, did I give her a hodge-podge of stuff from Part 1 lol But it's coming along nicely, I think~

She said she loves that @RebelVampire was surprised and enjoyed the sick!Kregor-Elianne interaction from Ch 6

Funari (Raison d’Etre)

If you guys don't mind, we would like to add our personal answers to Question #1~ For Leigh, it's a tie between two scenes in particular. One is Elianne's "I CAN'T LEAVE THIS PLACE!" scene in Chapter 6, especially the cats in the background as it's happening... and Nozomi's spectacular toss of Miko in Chapter 4 ("GET OUT")...especially when you consider how small Nozomi is (she's almost 5 feet tall exactly) As for me...it's kinda hard to pinpoint just one or two xD But I think I kinda like Special 3 in general. Especially for this page alone

RebelVampire

QUESTION 5. What has been your favorite illustration in the comic so far? What specifically about it do you like?

QUESTION 6. Do you believe that Yukina will be able to save Sachiko and Koyomiko? How might the lessons from the journals help Yukina in this endeavor? Do you think she still has more insight to gleam from them?

Funari (Raison d’Etre)

Journal lessons, huh? > :D (SFW, just a little silly; a recent question answered)

AV-chan

Here's some of my inputs but I'll have to answer what I can still remember. In regards to Yuki's powers, I sense that it's either an evolved form of Sachiko's powers or branch type since Yuki does need to touch someone to activate it. Who knows what surprises we'll see I think I mentioned a fav scene before but I'll input another recent one that I liked... It's the specials where Miko was training to get buff again and Nozomi taunts her until she goes all out

That answer is really funny and cute @Funari (Raison d’Etre)

Funari (Raison d’Etre)

Oh yes. GET IN SHAPE!! (We hope to get the final part out soon but it has a good pause point atm!)

Funari (Raison d’Etre)

We're really enjoying the Yuki's powers theories by the way!

snuffysam

6) You know, I'm not sure Yukina will be the one to save Sachiko and Koyomiko. The animal buddies seem to be doing a decent job already, and I'm not sure they'll recruit some kid to help them. Though she could use her powers to restore their memories once they're rescued?

RebelVampire

that just makes me picture yukina slamming the door dramatically saying "I'm here to save you." and then everyone and the cats are just having tea saying nah we good.

Funari (Raison d’Etre)

Lmao

That's a pretty hilarious image xD

Funari (Raison d’Etre)

Aaand...a picture happened.

RebelVampire

omg thats great XDXDXDXD

Funari (Raison d’Etre)

Thank you

RebelVampire

QUESTION 7. Which characters do you enjoy seeing interact the most? What about their dynamic interests you?

QUESTION 8. Who exactly is Koyomiko’s pet cat and why did Elianne call him a renegade? Who is his white haired companion helping him? Why are they helping? How is Elianne a key to Shiva’s vengeance?

Funari (Raison d’Etre)

Leigh: CAT QUESTION! :D

RebelVampire

5) definitely this one from the climax before the time skip. http://raisondetrecomic.com/chfivep40.html I love the use of the silhouette cause it really contrasts well with the yellow. i also like the angle is from over kregor's shoulder so it kind of makes the sort of distance view that really forces you to be in awe of this immensely show of power. 6) I'm kind of in the same thinking as @snuffysam in that Yukina will help restore their memories while the cat folk do the heavy lifting. Cause they really have done the hard part of getting them away from Elianne, cause now Elianne's only retaliation is to send Kregor. and well...Kregor has the cant even do one job disease it seems since he only even got sachiko and koyomiko by complete accident. XD I do think the journals might help though. Maybe it'll be like the Butterfly Effect or Life is Strange where she accesses memories by reading them.

RebelVampire

7) Probably Nozomi and Koyomiko, even though its been a while since then. On the whole Nozomi interests me as a character cause she seems to have changed the most significantly from when she was a kid to when shes an adult. And its really interesting to see the effects that those around her have had on her and how those relationships have changed. 8) I feel like Koneko is like some guardian who broke with society to stand against Elianne specifically. Or that he was somehow related to the people who originally imprisoned Elianne. Which if it's that latter one, I assume the other companion not Shiva is part of the same group. Shiva maybe too in a way, but I feel Shiva is trying to strike at an old acquantaince of Elianne's, cause maybe Elianne's past deeds were bigger than just her. Like she fell in with the wrong crowd or something. But to summarize, I think theyre like some fringe group about protecting people from people like Elianne who are less touchable maybe. As for why helping, I think Koneko is actually just pretty selfish and wants to save Koyomiko no matter the cost.

Funari (Raison d’Etre)

Leigh: (re: question 8 with @RebelVampire ) that was the point with Nozomi actually! Glad to see the comment on her. She is definitely a complex character and will be shown more in upcoming parts

Nozomi has a lot of concept sketches plotted out and has been a big focus behind the scenes, heh~

Funari (Raison d’Etre)

And, while we can't spoil, we can confirm that the light-haired companion to Koneko is the Celestial version of what Koneko is (which has been mentioned as being some sort of Umbrian)

Very similar characteristics, yet they both have some tiny variations~

Which DOES make one wonder....if the butter-cat can shift into a human form, does that mean Koneko has one, too?

RebelVampire

yes O_O

there is not a doubt in my mind he can

well could

cause i believe its either he wont or he cant anymore

i am just waiting for the day its real and then you flood the world with all the human pics O_O

Funari (Raison d’Etre)

Hehehheheh

RebelVampire

actually tbf creators do a lot of what if pics so even if its not real there may be human pics someday

so you know what

my win regardless

Funari (Raison d’Etre)

Leigh: It helps that you know he's going to be a handsome devil :p

RebelVampire

its true XD

Funari (Raison d’Etre)

Leigh: I mean, come on, look at him:

RebelVampire

QUESTION 9. What sorts of art or story details have you noticed in the way the comic is crafted that you think deserves attention?

QUESTION 10. What did Elianne do in the past that got her trapped and considered unwelcome in Umbria? What do you think she intends to do if she gets free? What’s in it for Kregor?

Funari (Raison d’Etre)

Oooh, the art questions are the most curious

RebelVampire

9) One detail I think deserves attention story wise is Koyomiko's changing use accent. I find it vastly interesting that she has it as a kid/teen, doesn't have it as an adult, and then suddenly has it again post memory loss. It's a real curiosity and makes you wonder if the loss of accent is actually a conscious effort on her part everything. But also I just enjoy the consistency in that since doing consistent changes in accent in this manner can be an easy thing to forget. Art wise, I love the details in Rie's design that always seem reminiscent of a fox. Like the pointy tooth or pointy ears. Like even her hairstyle somehow invokes that feeling of fox, and I love that. 10) I feel like Elianne was just power hungry and delved into forbidden stuff. Like not world take over domination. But more just was like didn't draw any lines of ethics and wanted power for the sake of power? Mostly this theory stems from she doesnt strike me as a world domination type. Since so far her goal consists of "id just like out of this cave plz and thank you." I think the first thing she'll do when she gets free is go to starbucks so she can savor ordering her own coffee. And then ya know, plot revenge against those who imprisoned her or get her powers back if she gets free sans powers. As for Kregor, IDK man. Maybe he just likes money or maybe he deserves employee of the year award for being the most loyal employee ever.

Funari (Raison d’Etre)

The little details: Miko's speech patterns

Funari (Raison d’Etre)

Sachiko's head movements as an adult (phone doesn't have spoiler tags) is another thing we made sure to note

€heshire777

You can do spoiler tags on mobile, just put || on both sides of it.

like so

Funari (Raison d’Etre)

Well just in case it doesn't work (have had update issues before), I managed to be vague anyway lol

RebelVampire

truly a beacon of inspiration to minions everywhere XD

QUESTION 11. What do you think are this particular comic’s strengths? What do you think makes this comic unique? Please elaborate.

QUESTION 12. How might Koyomiko and Elianne’s powers being opposite be significant to the story? Do you believe this gives Yukina an advantage in some way since she’s also an Ascendant?

Menchi

Finally found my way here, but I'll start by answering the two newest questions: 11. Frankly the strength of the comic so far has been continuing a story that feels unique compared to anything I have read before, juggling the feel of a slice of life story while building up to a big adventure. Also I'd like to throw in how surprising it was for plot to progress, the signs there for the story to go further but the bait and switch about how the story would progress was certainly amusing. :)

as for 12: I had not given it that much thought before now, perhaps in a "Only I can defeat you kind of way", though from the story so far that might be too obvious. ^^ but i could see Yukina being very effective at least in nulifying and protecting others from Elianne's abilities.

Funari (Raison d’Etre)

@Menchi - Leigh is to the one to compliment with that. She has done an amazing job with the storytelling and coherency. Inks have gotten much better thanks to her too!

Menchi

heh, you been a good team together ^^

Funari (Raison d’Etre)

Thanks. Means a lot. I had these ideas for a long time but she helped put it all nice and coherent~

Also the theories about Yuki (all of them)give us life

Menchi

Then begin the Yuki is the true bad guy theories xD

Funari (Raison d’Etre)

Ohhhhnoooo

Menchi

Yuki goes pure evil, Rie has to bring her back from the bring, cue feel good story of the year xD

Funari (Raison d’Etre)

YuRi shipper ;p

Menchi

i admit it :p

Menchi

1. Now thats a tricksy one, but I would say my favorite storyline is at the start of chapter 3, when (without spoiling too much in case people drop in) the certain parts of the story start to cross together much more, and their involvement together became much more apparent. That it wasn't just a story that was looking into the past.

2. I am still holding to the belief that her father is some kind of Umbrian, or perhaps something else altogether... that or her father played with forces he cannot comprehend. :P For the other parts of this question I am unsure, but I am very curious to see where they go with these plot threads.

snuffysam

we do know at least one dad that lied about being an umbrian

could very well be two

i think the most unique aspect of the comic is its story structure. the first part is technically told entirely from yuki's perspective, but she's finding out about the past through others' recollections. and they're also potentially unreliable narrators, as seen through the chapter where koyomiko and nozomi argue with each other over the story of their meeting. it really gets into those themes of memory that I hope will be explored further in part 2

Funari (Raison d’Etre)

Oh, Kazuo....He was definitely in some huge trouble...

I mean, can you imagine how that first secret came out based on what Nozomi said in that Interlude?

snuffysam

was caught sniffing a dog in the park

Funari (Raison d’Etre)

Kazuo: Oh, I love you Nozomi Nozomi: I love you, too. Let's get married. Kazuo: Okay! (few months later) Nozomi: Oh, Kazuo, I'm pregnant! Kazuo: Oh....Um, I guess it's about time I told you that I'm actually a kitsune. Nozomi: WAT

snuffysam

AND HE DIDN'T EVEN MENTION THAT HE WAS ROYALTY OR THAT HIS FIRSTBORN WOULD BE TAKEN AWAY AFTER GRADUATING HIGH SCHOOL

he's in the doghouse for sure

Funari (Raison d’Etre)

Hoooooo boy

Funari (Raison d’Etre)

Also a minor correction: Rie is the second kid Understandable to think it was 'firstborn' since that's how the trope usually goes but Hiroki is safe xD

snuffysam

ah yes that's true

Funari (Raison d’Etre)

Nozomi had Rie knowing full well at that point that her kids were going to be halflings but then THAT happened and he kept it a secret when he really shouldn't have!

RebelVampire

QUESTION 13. What are you most looking forward to in the comic? Also, do you have any final thoughts to share overall?

QUESTION 14. What other changes do you believe the time skip has brought? In particular, what do you think has happened to Rie in regards to her decision about the NKP and her destiny to be her clan’s Inari?

RebelVampire

11) I think the comic's strength is its use of personal perspectives. Like whether its Yukina, Miko, Sachiko, or any other character, the comic does a really excellent job of switching to different perspectives at the right time to continue the story in emotionally compelling ways. It also makes the perspective changes worthwhile since each one youre always learning about each character on a more personal and intimate level that really helps connect you to them as the story ramps up. 12) I think it's gonna help when push comes to show since at the very least, yukina and koyomiko can probably defend themselves better against elianne compared to others. but other than that, im not seeing it have a big effect other than saving everyone's neck at the right time. 13) right now im just looking forward to seeing rie again and see what time skip rie looks like. and im just curious how everything worked out for her. also, human koneko. 14) I have an honest belief that Rie wants to stay in the NKP, but that shes struggling to get out of family obligations at the moment. And that she might have found a way, but it is tedious and drawn out. as for other changes in general, i feel like the NKP in general might have changed their policies a bit or something. at the very least, i hope they had a super big poster of Kregor that says "NKP's most wanted." which kregor brought to elianne to express his popularity.

Funari (Raison d’Etre)

Ascendants are an interesting bunch. We're slowly learning more about them in the recent pages. At least, via quick comparison-like comments between folks involving Cassandra and Yuki's dad vs. Yuki and Miko(edited)

As for Rie, well, she's been shown in her adult form in recent updates ;3

snuffysam

i feel like rie wants to stay in the nkp, but that goal may waver slightly after sitting through all of tomoko's lectures...

i think there might be a strained relation between the nkp and umbria going forward. because, like, kregor was caught and sent to the umbrian courts, right? and yet, he was able to get out and snatch miko & sachiko. so the policy of "let umbrians deal with umbrian criminals" has some holes in it.

at least from nkp's point of view

Funari (Raison d’Etre)

Hmm hhmmm

The lessons are important...but they sure are funny. Poor Rie xD

Funari (Raison d’Etre)

You know who is someone we want to show their reaction to what has happened since chapter 5? Rin. The founder of the Favreau-Tokyo Clanhouse, Sachiko's mom, Yuki's grandmother. She will appear soon once we're done with the hiatus but one wonders how she took it

Funari (Raison d’Etre)

Well, it's past midnight where I'm at and I figure the chat has quieted for the week, so with that, I'm gonna at least post this little thank-you doodle to those who stopped by this week before I forget. Thank you very much for the interesting questions and commentary!

snuffysam

thank you for being here and participating in the chat! it's always cool to see a creator at the tea party!

Funari (Raison d’Etre)

I try to whenever I can. I liked the week-long style better because I didn't have to make sure to take time off like I had to for the Thursday one xD This one I could jump in whenever I was available despite work in the way.

And Leigh was also here, at least in spirit. I just relayed her all the comments as they happened :3 She "answered" a few times, but for the most part, our reactions were too similar this time around to really do the separate comments

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- WEEK LONG BOOK CLUB END!

Thank you everyone so much for reading and chatting about Raison d’Etre this week! Please also give a special thank you to Cloud Fourteen (Funari & Leigh) for volunteering the comic and creating it! If you liked Raison d’Etre, make sure to continue to support it via some of the links below!

Read and Comment: http://raisondetrecomic.com/

Cloud Fourteen (Funari & Leigh)’s Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/Funakounasoul#_=_

Cloud Fourteen (Funari & Leigh)’s Ko-Fi: https://ko-fi.com/A473RGN

Cloud Fourteen (Funari & Leigh)’s Twitter: https://twitter.com/c14comics

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