#its been... VERY long its been like . what. 6 or 7 months? crazy

[bekolxeram]

So... I said I couldn't wait for the plane disaster arc to be over, and I still stand by that statement. If you read my blog regularly, you'd know I loved it, the more plane stuff the merrier, but at the same time, it was a huge relief for me to finally be able to move on.

Warning: long rant incoming

I joined this fandom last season because of my love for BuckTommy and aviation, I've made it clear many times before. I saw comments downplaying Tommy's role in the cruise ship rescue, and I thought, well I know a thing or two about how hard flying is, especially flying a helicopter, so maybe I should write something about it.

Fast forward to last month, someone asked me whether Tommy could fly a plane realistically, so I answered it as they asked, realistically no. I can imagine him flying a light plane as a hobby, but never a four engine turboprop military plane that takes 5-12 crew members to fly, or an airliner that's basically a flying computer. I wasn't even aware of the Airport 1975 pilot transfer theory at first, so imagine my shock when I woke up to multiple posts naming my theory by name, (yeah, I said the water bomber in 2x14 belonged to CAL FIRE, I made my first post about this a long time ago, and I don't think anyone from the other side even made the effort to dig this deep, so those posts were referring to me) each with 400+ notes, and many reblogs by people I'd been following, telling me to shut the fuck up. It wasn't even aware that my aviation hc would be anything close to controversial, it deeply upset me and it fundamentally changed my interaction with the fandom as a whole.

I tried putting my more aviation focused posts under a specific tag that people can block if they're not interested, still, like clockwork, some posts popped up in the main ship tag around 6 hours later, digging up old interviews from Tim saying "Tommy did the water drop, just off screen" or expressing their disbelief that there were still people out there who thought Tommy didn't fly the air tanker.

I wanted to explain my reasoning, but I knew it would come across as needlessly confrontational, so I kept my mouth shut. I saw the pilot transfer theory gaining traction, I knew it was too crazy and too expensive for the show to pull off, but I kept my mouth shut. I even leaned into that theory at one point saying Tommy could be flying the helicopter in that stunt, but still the theory was hyped up more and more and its supporters were gradually getting more annoyed by me. I knew I would feel bad whether Tommy rappel into that cockpit or not, because on one hand, I hate that film with a burning passion, on the other, I basically stood back and watched everyone got their hopes way up then witnessed them getting crushed in real time.

Now Schrödinger's cat box is opened, without Tommy in it, I guess there's no need for me to self censor anymore. So here are some stuff I was too afraid to post when people were still deeply invested in their theory, before we all move on from this disaster arc.

The writers don't care about timeline, they can't even get when Tommy transferred out of the 118 right

Tommy supposedly left the 118 right before Buck joined, so 7 years ago, but in 7x09 Tommy said he joined Harbor 5 years ago. My very first post on this site is about this timeline conflict. My explanation was that it takes some years of training before you can even touch a helicopter at Air Ops (in real life LAFD sends you to LAPD for basic training), so Tommy probably only officially transferred to Harbor 5 years ago.

That led to a lot of comments saying the writers just didn't give a damn, they didn't care to google or get their story right, just accept it. But you don't even need to google. The description Tommy gave Buck in the Harbor tour scene was lifted straight from the LAFD Air Ops website, and you know what? If you scroll a little bit further down, you can clearly see the "at least two years of LAFD AIr Operations training line". It takes less than 5 minutes to read it all through.

Tim said Tommy did the water drop, so it's canon he flew that plane in 2x14

Someone pulled out Tim's interview specifically to disprove my CAL FIRE hc. Yeah, he did say Tommy did the water drop:

But I've never heard anyone from the show said Tommy was literally grabbing the yoke, pulling the thrust levers, flying the plane. A C-130 (or L-100 as the civilian variant) is not a single engine water scooper, it's a four engine monstrosity.

The heavier the plane, the faster it has to fly for the wings the generate enough lift to keep it in the sky, right? Well, in order to drop water/fire retardant in an accurate and effective fashion, the C-130 has to fly low and slow enough that the flight crew has to get used to hearing the "terrain! terrain! pull up!" and "stall! stall!" warnings at all time during a mission.

In fact, the C-130 water tanker usually flies behind a lead plane, most of the time a lighter business jet that surveys the area and plots the optimal route for the water drop. It fires a line of smoke to mark out the designated location for the payload, the C-130 behind it just has to release the water/fire retardant once the nose of the plane hit the trail of smoke.

That coordination is extremely cool.

The C-130 takes at the very least 3 crew members to fly: 2 pilots and a flight engineer, no fly-by-wire on this one, but it usually takes even more for a safer more accurate operation.

I can absolutely picture Tommy being one of the people sitting behind the pilots in 2x14. They didn't have a lead plane, so maybe the CAL FIRE guys asked him to pull his weight, since he was the one who asked for the favor and he was also an aerial firefighter, they needed an extra pair of professional eyes anyway. So technically he did the water drop, but he flew no plane that day. (I have a fully developed backstory in my head about Tommy's involvement in that episode, but unfortunately I'm not a good writer, and it'll probably piss people off more than it entertains them. It's about a clandestine mission à la 7x03 and Tommy's meet cute with his ex boyfriend)

If you've made it this far, you probably really like my blog or aviation stuff, and I think you for your support. At one point, I told myself I would leave the fandom behind if I saw one more post telling me to shut up, I got so closed to it. Now, reading post after post saying leaving the newly reintroduced pilot character out of the show's plane disaster arc is a missed opportunity just makes me, I don't know, kind of sad? I've always thought he's just a helicopter pilot, he wouldn't be much help in guiding the crippled jet down anyway, that I was right, but then what? It doesn't feel good to be right this time. I can accept not seeing Tommy working with the 118 on the ground, I can be patient and wait for a week longer for his presence, but accidentally annoying people with what I thought was fun trivia, watching hundreds of them clown on me for taking the show too seriously, for being a nitpicker, for being too obsessive, I don't think I can ever erase it from my mind.

Let's just hope we can all move on (mostly on my part), and I can return to making bad quality humorous gifs about our boys. I'll still post stuff about aviation, now that it's less controversial. If you're a brave soul you can go search for the tag I created for others to block (#aviation realism).

[spideesenses]

Half a Heart → Miguel O’Hara

pairing: miguel x gn!reader

warnings: angsty

prompt: miguel has a difficult time balancing out work and his personal life; you have received the short end of the stick countless of times.

Midnight rolled around & the empty spot next to you remains cold. Your heavy heart aches. You tried not to cry, but once that pinch in your chest comes to light, you can’t help the knot that gets stuck in your throat.

This was the 12th time this month that Miguel had left you hanging without any form of communication. 12th time the two of you had planned for a date & him not show up. You understood that he ran a business, you weren’t entirely sure what the business was, only that you would be safer if you didn’t know & to trust Miguel. Him not showing up was only a portion of the issue… the other part was him not communicating. Would you still be a little disappointed if he did communicate? Yes, of course, anyone would be if plans fell through last minute. But you wouldn’t have to hold onto this sliver of hope that just maybe… he’d make it this time.

You started thinking about how he hardly texted you as it was. You weren’t exactly the clingy type. You could be at times, but as a full-time worker, you understood that obligations come up. To make sure you weren’t crazy, you pulled out your phone. You scrolled, making note of the conversations that you had & all of them, were conversations that you initiated.

Two weeks ago

You — 6:56 AM good morning love, i hope you have a great day today. i miss you so much. i’m off at 5 today. any chance we can order takeout and have a movie night?💕

Miggy Smalls — 7:12 AM Buenos dias mi vida. I should be good for a date night, only I’ll be home at around 9 the latest. That okay with you? Be safe, i miss you xo💋

You — 7:15 AM sounds good. should i order from that thai place up the street?

You — 5:20 PM miguel?

You — 6:01 PM i ordered your favorite. should be here in 2 hours and a half. let me know when you’re on the way home. stay safe

You — 8:10 PM oh! i saw this and it reminded me of you. thought you might have a laugh [attachment]

You — 9:32 PM hey, you on the way? im throwing your food in the microwave so it’s warm when you get here!

You — 11:24 PM haven’t heard from you. hope you’re okay. food’s in the fridge🥺

Miggy Smalls — 2:12 AM Dios mios, lo siento baby. I’ll make it up to you, I promise

Two weeks ago

You — 9:44 AM hi! thinking of you. i miss you😭 little bit extra today.

Miggy Smalls - 10 AM Does my baby need a hug delivered? I’ll stop by with some lunch too.

You — 10:03 AM oh please! and a kiss too, while you’re at it🥺

Miggy Smalls — 11:45 AM Omw baby. Hang tight

You — 2:12 PM thank you for coming to see me today. it was very special to me & meant a lot. i love you

Miggy Smalls — 3:54 PM I love you baby. Of course. Sorry it’s been a while since we’ve spent time together, work can be unpredictable at times

You — 4 PM all good. just try to talk to me more, so i can be understanding, okay?

It wasn’t all bad. Miguel had his moments where he would show up for some cuddles. He wouldn’t stay long, but those moments were sacred to you. You cherished those moments beyond his imagination. Of course you did, you had to with how rare they were.

Tears rolled down your face as you went through your messages. You missed him so much. More than words could fathom. And with every single fiber in your body, you wished that you could stop feeling this feeling. Missing him was painful. It felt like your body was operating without its heart. Like you were walking around with only one shoe.

It wasn’t always like this either. In the beginning, Miguel was the one texting and calling you first. He was showing up to your apartment with food and a movie, or a puzzle he picked up. Actually, one of your first quarrels was how he felt like you weren’t doing these things for him. And you felt like these were things he enjoyed, so you didn’t want to take it from him; so the resolution was you would take turns. But that Miguel feels like he’s millions of miles away, as if he’s a completely different person.

You tried your hardest to distract yourself, but the screaming red light of your digital clock reading 12:56 PM only mocked you. You couldn’t get the time of his day. Could you even consider this a relationship?

The memories slowly peeled away in your head. Good and bad. And you really began questioning if the good really could outweigh the bad.

A shadow drifts across your window, causing you to sit up, immediately wiping your face with the sleeve of Miguel’s hoodie. If an intruder was going to get you, you’d be damned if it were booger-faced crying.

Immediately, your heart starts to pound in your chest; if the intruder didn’t know any better, it’d almost be as if you were knocking at the window. You reached for your bedside lamp, clutching it at the base, raising your arm as the shadowed figure presses their fingers to push up the window. Without hesitating, you swipe the lamp at the unnamed stranger.

“Ow! Babe?” you hadn’t even realized your eyes were closed shut and turned to the side. You peeked your eyes and there he was in all of his glory.

“M-Miguel?” you sniffled. You couldn’t help it. You saw him and your heart tore. The weld in your throat tightened as you swallowed.

“Baby, it’s okay. It’s just me.”

Only it wasn’t.

[arcvmonth]

ARC-V Month 2023 Prompt List

Starting June 15th, all works under these prompts are to be accepted and reblogged here. Any form of content is welcome, and so are late submissions! Scroll through the prompts, take your pick, and most importantly- have fun!

(Don't forget the tags and the @arcvmonth mention, though! We don't want your post to get eaten by Tumblr, now do we?)

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Day 1: Lights, Camera, Action... Duel!

We're starting off light and sweet with a simple introduction day. Present yourself, the type of content you do, or the charaters you'll be working with- anything goes, just let the audience know of you in your own way!

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Day 2: Kahyoreigetsu

Flowers, Moon, Winds, Birds. Four wonders of nature, gentle and pure, and four matching bracelets around the wrists of one girl each. For the first time in too long, today's show stars our very own quartet of Bracelet Girls, so be sure to celebrate those beautiful sweethearts!

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Day 3: Duetto of Duelist and Spirit

The primary principle of Entertainment Dueling is to become one with your cards, to put on the best show ever in tandem with the monsters in your Deck. Show us your favorite cards today, and the story behind your partners of choice!

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Day 4: The Merriest Band of Misfits

With such a diverse world and a massive ensemble, it's only natural for interesting chemistry to be found between quite a few characters in this show, and today is all about those neat little dynamics! Show us your favorite unconventional gang of idiots, stick them in one place, and let the chaos commence!

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Day 5: Action Magic - Overpass

Whoops, someone seems to have mixed up our cast's scripts! Bracelet boys? Riding Duel King Kurosaki? What is this?? Whatever shall we do?? Show us your wildest swaps today- be it roleswap, bodyswap, or whatever else you can think of!

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Day 6: Understudy Spotlight

You ever see a character and instantly like their vibe... only for them to disappear into the background for all eternity? Well, here's your chance to take them out for a little spin! Show us your favorite background character today, and give them the shoutout they deserve!

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Day 7: Of Amores, Per the Prophecy

That's right, today is the day to celebrate your favorite ships of all time! Show us your sweet OTPs, OT3s, or any sort of polys, and spread the love all around!

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Day 8: The Regular- ah, Standard Show

Standard dimension day! Give a shoutout to all those unique duel schools, or the chill and cozy atmosphere of Maiami City, or the original motley crew from the olden days of the very first arc! Every journey has its beginning, and this one is as good as they come.

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Day 9: Light Across the Aether

The ARC-V story tends to be something of a mixed bag at best, but today, we only look for the best things to find within this bag. Show us your favorite story arc, episode, or even a singular moment of greatness!

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Day 10: Take Five! ....Or Ten!

First free day! The momentum is slowly ramping up, but to carry on with a good show, one must take a breather every now and then. Take the day off to talk about whatever, make any work you want, or just chillax and wait for what comes next.

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Day 11: Legacy For the Future

ARC-V featured five Duelists from all across the previous spin-offs, each bringing an interesting twist to the show, and a curious few differences from their original selves. Today we celebrate those legendary legacy Duelists- them, and whoever else may have been among them in another world.

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Day 12: But You Still Take the Damage

Meme day! Get silly, go crazy, be cringe and be free! ARC-V is a circus of odd puns and bad jokes and dumb gags that never get old, so go ahead and toss out all your funny gold!

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Day 13: Abyss Beneath a Smile

No one is born evil, and yet some choose to let go of the light in favor of embracing the other side, for reasons one may find to be rather baffling at first glance. Today is all about these oh-so-villainous figures, so show us your favorite antagonist of choice!

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Day 14: Halfway to Heartland Tower

Xyz dimension day! Who doesn't love a good city that shines like a literal beacon in the night? Heartland certainly has its charm, and so does its lovable cast. Even in the face of adversity, they continue to inspire hope in every way they can, and that sure is something to celebrate.

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Day 15: Salt For the Salt Lord!

Remember the mixed bag, and how we looked for the best of it last time? Well, now's the time to take a look at the less favorable parts of the story. Show us your least favorite arcs, episodes, or a certain pet peeve you had with the show- let the salt flow and flood the whole land!

(We'll mop it up by tomorrow, don't worry ;D)

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Day 16: Actually, He Would Say That

Look, we all like our cast with their pros and their cons, but sometimes there's just something... missing, when you look at canon portrayal. Some more depth. Some trivial details and silly nitpicks, to add to their flair... which are exactly what today is all about. Show us your weirdest little headcanons and most random thoughts!

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Day 17: A Salad of Heavenly Proportions

Four dimensions, four summoning methods, four heavenly dragons.... and of course, four quarters of a whole idiot. Please give it up to the kiddos, the twinsies, the complete and utter dorks of all time: the Yuu-salad boys!

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Day 18: D/D/D - Different Dimension Day

Canon divergence, modern settings, fantasy, sci-fi and series fusions...yes, ladies and gentlemen, today is the day. It's time to throw canon to the wind, because we're making our own stories through the wondrous magic of AUs!

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Day 19: My Heart Beats 'Till Overdrive

Synchro dimension day! We are here to visit the city of speed, spectacle and freedom!... or the lack thereof. Progress is a non-linear road, but our daring riders are working their way there, so do give them their due credits today!

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Day 20: We Interrupt Your Schedule for A Commercial Break

Free day 2: electric boogaloo! We're well into the swing of things by now, but a short stop is due before we move on to the final stretch! Perhaps you could mention some of your favorite creators in the fandom, or just roll around with anything else you're working on. There's also the option to simply take a day off- we even have some popcorn for those who want to just sit back and watch the show.

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Day 21: League of Dueling Seriously

Or LDS for short- no, not the school, the Lance Defense Soldiers. Today we celebrate the single most chaotic group in the whole show- yes, it's the Lancers' time to shine!

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Day 22: Prismatic Rare, Prismatic Pair

"Man, these two are such an adorable pair! Lemme just look them up- what do you mean, there's no content for them??"

Sometimes, one must dig pretty deep to find those rare, hidden gems, so show us your own gem of a rarepair today!

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Day 23: Back At Class, They Never Taught A Thing

Fusion dimension day! Beyond the shores of Academia lies a trove of possibilities, and the same goes for the walls of the ornate castle as well. Every student and teacher has a story to tell, and together they weave quite the curious tapestry... though what is there to be seen in such a creation is up to you alone.

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Day 24: Oh. My. G.O.D

Manga day! Loathe as we all are to remember that last panel, the manga is actually surprisingly good otherwise. It introduces a handful of new faces while reimagining old ones, and has a nice underlying message that makes it well worth celebration overall.

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Day 25: Woe, Angst Be Upon Ye

Oh, would you look at that? Today we are gathered here for the express purpose of hurting our poor little meow meows and giving them more trauma on top of their existing issues! How fun!

... alright, fine, they might get a happy ending. No promises on that front, though.

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Day 26: Action Magic - Crossover

Oho? What's this? Our cast has been given an entirely new script!! Such curious mixes can create infinite possibilities, each more intriguing than the last. Show us how you're crossing over ARC-V with other media, and let's dive into a whole new world today!

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Day 27: Square Zero

Original dimension day! Very little is known about the place where it all began, but this is a blessing in its own right, for it lets us explore what may have been with greater freedom. Pray tell, how do you picture this world to once have been?

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Day 28: Hey, Who Hired This One?

Strangely enough, an anonymous figure has shown up to the performance today! Whoever might that be? Well, the answer is yours to decide! Introduce us to your OCs, and let them roam the world alongside the rest of the cast.

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Day 29: Into the Games!

While the anime and manga may be over and done with, it so happens that our beloved characters still exist in several games, and are even getting further development and chances for interaction! Let's talk about how YuGiOh video games have been handling ARC-V in the past, present, and future.

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Day 30: Curtains Down

Final day everyone, woohoo! It's certainly been a ride, and reaching its end feels more than a bit surreal, but now that we're here... it's high time we do the curtain calls.

Tell us your favorite days/works from this year's ARC-V Month, or as always, do with the day whatever you will. Here's to another great event next year... 'till then, ladies and gentlemen!

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Extra Prompts:

1) Time Pendulumgraph

Hey, who fast forwarded the timeline- wait, isn't this four years before the start?? Looks like we're dealing with some weird chronography here, so show us your pre/post-canon ideas today!

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2) Guest Appearance

A wild VIP guest has appeared! Take one character from outside the series, and thrust them into the ARC-Verse while hoping for the best. Anyone goes! Literally anyone. Go wild.

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3) Doodlebook - Uh Uh Uh!

A sad truth of this world is that we do not hold the power to materialize cards out of thin air when pushed against the wall... however, what we do have is the ability to create the card concepts ourselves! Pop out a few custom cards of your design today!

[cash-legacy]

all of them. answer all of the questions. every single one! okay love you mwahhhhh :D

okay. i know this is a joke but i am going to take you seriously. VERY long post below the cut

1) what’s the last screenshot you’ve taken for your story?

(for an extra post, not for a main story post)

2) describe your story in three words or less

gays do arson

3) describe (insert character here) in three words or less

aphrodite: nosy lesbian girlfailure valentine: evil but sexy

4) how did you choose the name of your story?

for chapter one - originally, it was supposed to spend much more time dealing with aphrodite, you know. figuring out what happened At The Falls. like i said, i didn't plan this shit out well, and we quickly got distracted with other stuff. *sigh

5) how do you choose your characters’ names?

as part of my mission to keep this legacy somewhat lighthearted, and because they're descended from an ultra celebrity, i make a point of giving all the cash-es goofy names. margarita is an alcoholic. rhythm and verse were the children of thorne bailey, a musician. aphrodite and valentine were born on love day. canis and lupin are werewolves... etc.

6) how long have you been working on your story for?

i started posting it on my main in september of this year, but i was playing for about a month or so before then!

7) whats the biggest risk you’ve taken with your story? did it pay off?

NOT PLANNING ANYTHING! NO IT DID NOT!!!!! RAHHH!!!!

8) what about your story are you proud of?

that all my friends are as into valentine as i am :) actually though just that people seem interested in it? idk i made this sideblog because i felt bad about spamming my main blog with screenshots all the time, and it's been so rewarding to see a few people take interest in my evil occults.

9) what about your story are you looking to improve on?

answered here

10) is your story fully planned or are you still working things out? is there a definitive end?

answered here

11) why have you decided to tell this story? are there any messages or meanings within it?

i decided to post it for the reasons above, but the story itself is like. it's a love story, it's just not a romantic love story. there aren't enough of those. it has always been and will always be about aphrodite and valentine.

12) do you actually play the game or do you just use it as a storytelling medium?

i do play! my game is so stuffed full of cc and broken mods that its incredibly laggy but i play anyways because i'm a masochist

13) from basic planning to a finished post, how long does that take you?

i don't have a good answer for this one, i usually do posts in batches, and i'm always planning in my head so uh.. . . ???? i have no idea. sorry :(

14) do you have any regrets about your story so far? if you could go back in time, how would you fix these?

answer here

15) what have been the highlights of creating your story?

seeing @grimwoods thirst over valentine in various sexy christmas outfits

16) what about the process do you enjoy?

ive found that (when i can be bothered to do it) i actually really like finding poses and posing sims. i can't make my own yet but i find it super satisfying to arrange them just how i like.

17) what about the process do you hate?

PLANNINGGGGGGGGGGGGG (are you tired of hearing me say it yet?)

18) choose a song that reminds you of your story

19) choose a song that reminds you of (insert character here)

aphrodite:

valentine:

20) choose your favourite shot from your story so far

answered here

21) choose your least favourite shot so far

the really terrible ones haven't made it out of my screenshots folder, but allie's face here drives me crazy. she looks like she's about to sneeze. and this hair really did not suit her. i hate this image so much.

22) choose a favourite character from your story so far

sofia is so special to me. i don't usually like to make townies super central to my storylines, even in normal gameplay, but they were an exception for some reason. although i'm not sure we're going to see much of it in ch2, their dynamic with valentine and the wildfangs is soooo interesting to me <33

23) choose your least favourite character so far

answered here

24) are there any characters who remind you of yourself?

answered here

25) what inspirations have you drawn on for your story?

chapter one is HEAVILY inspired by gravity falls, only murders in the building, and heathers. it was originally supposed to have much more of a retro ghost-hunting vibe, but i lost track of that in my eagerness to move the plot along...

26) have other sim stories inspired you?

answered here

27) what genres would you describe your story as?

mystery + dramedy

28) if you could reproduce your story in another medium (movie, novel, comic, etc.) what would you choose and why?

answered here

29) what would your story’s rating be? (G, PG, M etc.)

probably in the realm of Mature just based on language? they swear a LOT. but the actual content is more pg-13. it's violent but its not like... super Dark you know..

30) if you were leaving simblr and had to choose another creator to continue the story for you, who would you ask?

if i could make @thebramblewood continue it i'd die happy. i think the tone and style of her work is so wonderful and i think it would mesh well with my plans :3

31) drop some random trivia about your story

margarita had a secret affair with sofia for a few years before they got married to verse :)

32) give a light spoiler

33) recommend another creator’s story!

@abitlikelemon's Pancakes Decades Challenge, which they do almost entirely cc-free. it continues to blow my mind, and is always making me want to go back to historical gameplay

[infamousbrad]

I Voted

I voted Monday morning the week before the election (Halloween week, as you can see from the selfie), Got there 10 minutes before the polls opened, got out 50 minutes later, no troubles except my usual complaint about mediocre disability accommodation.

I meant to vote 6-7 days ago. As soon as I made up my mind to do so, my anxiety disorder reared up, hard; I haven't slept more than 3 hours at a stretch for over a week. My nervous system is doing everything it can to keep me from leaving the apartment at all.

Some of this happens every year the first time it drops below 35F at night and stays that way until well after the last time in the spring. I have a nearly lifelong phobia of freezing temperatures. But this year is worse.

Almost every election day I bribe myself to vote by hitting the breakfast restaurant closest to the polling place, treating myself to a nice big breakfast that I don't have to cook or clean up after. This time my early-voting location was a city library branch a couple miles north of here. The bus route between us is reliable and frequent, and almost half the old diesel buses have been replaced quieter, better smelling, more reliable electrics and got me there fine.

Before voting, I was having a nice breakfast in a kinda-hipster restaurant neighborhood that's very popular with the nearest university, lots of kids between classes having a nice brunch. The street between us has finally had its final redesign announced with construction starting next year; by the next election, thanks to our progressive-majority city council and nominally progressive mayor, we'll have a roughly 8 mile protected bike lane with bump-outs at every intersection to stop speeders from speeding in the parking lane, the number one source of pedestrian and cyclist fatalities in that stretch.

Yeah, the parties are both trying to fill me with dread but I haven't seen or heard a single campaign ad from either party in years; I don't listen to broadcasts and uBlock Origin is that good.

So why the ambient dread? Why the thrice-nightly nightmares? Why does it feel like a friend of mine used to describe the movie Cabaret: "long, dull, and full of nazis"?

I thought about it over breakfast and while walking from there to the polls, and my only guess is that it's because of what didn't happen after January 20th, 2021. There's nothing new about the center right party in the US being taken over by crazies who drove it off of a cliff. That's why the original Democratic Party is still here but the center-right party is on its third name. But all three times before, when the treason was revealed, there was so much revulsion that most of the traitors were primaried by moderates, when the moderates and surviving crazies ran in the general they were trounced as the suddenly horrified voters and eventually most of the moderates defected to the Democratic Party for at least an election cycle or two.

What horrifies me is that January 6th, 2021 wasn't a bridge too far. That they looked away, that they erased it from their memories, that they justified it and they're not shy at all why: no matter how awful the revived America First movement is, no matter how increasingly overtly fascist it is again? They hate the Democrats that much more than they hate the nazis.

Which whether they win or lose is still a problem. It's like the analogy of the pizza party: three of your friends vote for ham, you and one other friend vote for sausage, and two of your friends vote to kill and eat you personally. No matter how that vote turned out, you have a problem!

Like that Carsie Blanton song I reblogged a month or so ago said. In pursuit of energizing their base with fear, political consultants have persuaded our country that there are only two kinds of Americans. Not two kinds of politicians, not two kinds of parties, but two kinds of Americans: dumb whiny rednecks with tiny dicks in the exurbs and remaining rural towns, and ugly nasty commie bitches in the cities and inner ring suburbs, and the two tribes are at war, and whether you like it or not, you're one or the other.

Gods, I wish the culture war would end. We have bigger fish to fry and that more urgently, no time left to fight each other. And I know I'm not the only one being driven literally crazy by it.

[spaghettificationandpretzels]

A Voice Through the Nothingness Part 12

I'm sorry this took me so long, life has been crazy and I haven't had the brain space for this. Please remember to comment, it really helps me.

Series Masterlist

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11

Contains: This is still a slow burn, fluff, angst, hurt/comfort, descriptions of past domestic violence, protective Billy.

4.0K words

Comment if you want to be tagged or follow #a voice through the nothingness.

“The real world is where the monsters are.”― Rick Riordan, The Lightning Thief.

Hazel flattened her skirt again and nervously chewed her lower lip. The man at the front desk smiled when he saw her and stood up."Hello Ma'am, I'm Gunner, I'm assuming your Hazel?"

She nodded, "I am, you're here late, I thought you guys finished at five thirty?"

He shook his head. "We have people here at night, I'm usually somewhere else but Billy wanted me to wait here to take you to his loft."

She smiled. "That was nice of him, are you too friends?"

"Yes Ma'am." He stood up and gestured toward a set of doors, "When you're done for the night, Billy will buzz me and I'll take you back to your car."

She shook her head as she followed him through the courtyard. "Thank you Gunner but I'm sure I can find my own way back."

He sighed. "Alright, Billy just wants you to be safe."

She smiled. "I know, thank you for getting me here, and please, call me Hazel."

He swiped his card on the elevator and smiled. "Sure Hazel, this will take you right up to Billy's loft. I'll be back to take you to your car when you're ready to go home."

She chuckled. "I see there's no dissuading you. Next time I come, I'll bring you some cookies to say thank you."

"I'd love that Hazel." He walked away and the elevator doors closed. After a short trip, the doors reopened, and Billy's loft greeted Hazel with all its black furniture and exposed concrete walls.

He was in the kitchen fussing over a pot, his suit swapped for henley, a simple pair of jeans and a t-towel thrown over his shoulder. He looked up from the stove with a smile and walked over with his arms open. Hazel wrapped her arms around his body and relaxed his embrace as Billy's warmth surrounded her.

He was so happy to see her. "Did you get up here alright?"

She nodded. "I did, Gunner was a big help."

They parted and She took a deep breath. "Whatever you're cooking smells amazing."

He smiled. "Roast duck breast with polenta and Morell mushrooms and a garden salad, dessert is a surprise. I wanted to go all out like you did but I didn't want to do too much and screw it up."

She grinned. "What are you talking about, that sounds amazing. Do you need any help?"

He shook his head and walked her to the kitchen counter. "It will be done in half an hour. I would have had a drink ready for you but you're early."

He pulled out a chair, and she sat down with a sheepish smile. "I'm sorry, I wanted to be punctual but I went a bit too far."

"It doesn't worry me." He headed to the fridge and pulled out a judge, "Since I know how much you like strawberries I thought we could continue with our fresh juice trend?"

She nodded, "Yes please." He poured the pink liquid into a glass and placed it in from of her, "How's work been?"

"Since I saw you two days ago and talked to you yesterday? Work's been great. Thank you for sending over that modified questionnaire, you didn't have to do it so soon." He figured she did it to keep herself busy, and judging by how tired she looked, she still wasn't getting much sleep.

She shook her head, "It's alright. Was it helpful?"

Billy nodded and returned to the stove, "Hell yeah, we're going to hand them out on Monday. What about you, anything crazy happen yesterday?"

"No, it was an easy day on the ward. I got some good news, though," He raised his eyebrows, "I'm doing so well in the triage course that they think I'll be done a month sooner."

"That's amazing Hazel. I looked into that course, it's very hard to get into." He knew she was far smarter than she led on, he just wondered why she was so reserved about it.

She was grateful he was looking elsewhere because she was sure the shyness would be all over her face. "I just study hard, there's no great skill about it."

He huffed, "You should be proud of yourself, studying hard or not, they don't accept many people."

There was a pause before she responded. "I'll be happy when it's done and I can help more people." He felt a tang in his heart at her tone, he knew it well, she didn't think she was good enough.

He turned enough to meet her eye, "Well I'm proud of you." She smiled at him and he turned back to the pot and with a few more stirs, it was done. "Dinner will be ready in a minute if you want to wash your hands."

She was up and heading towards the sink. "Do you need help setting the table?"

He shook his head, "Nope, take your drink and get comfortable, I'll be there with the food in before you know it." Sure enough, the moment she was settled, he came over with two plates in his hand. He placed one in front of her before sitting in front of his own. "Please, dig in."

The duck skin cracked like glass and the meat cut like butter. She was barely able to hold back the moan as she took a bite, the buttery polenta and the earthy mushrooms complementing the duck perfectly. "This is so good."

He smiled. "Thank you, it's not as good as yours though."

She shook her head. "No, this is great. You're a very good cook, I can't wait to see what you made for…"

BANG

She jumped out of her skin while he barely flinched. "What was that?"

He could see the panic on her face. "It was just a car backfiring, it happens all the time here."

She placed a hand on her chest to slow her racing heart. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to overreact."

He reached out and grabbed her hand. "You didn't, don't worry."

She sighed. "I'm sorry, I feel like I've ruined the night."

He ran his thumb over the back of her hand and shook his head. "No, you didn't. I don't blame you for being on edge, you have nothing to be sorry for."

"Thank you." She took a deep breath, "Good work on the salad, by the way, it's lovely."

He smiled. "Good, I think if I failed at a salad, I should never be allowed in the kitchen again."

She chuckled. "I would have to agree with you on that one."

He looked over her face, underneath the weight of her worry, there was such affection in her eyes. "I made an apple pie for dessert, I know I said it was a surprise but I can't wait."

Hazel smiled. "I love apple pie."

The night rushed by and he found himself using all his self control not to ask her to stay a little while longer. It's not like she had to take the subway, he could drive her home but she would have insisted and he didn't want her taking the subway late at night.

She leaned against the wall next to the elevator with a slice of pie in a box. "Thank you so much for tonight, it's been so long since someone other than Lizzy has cooked for me."

He smiled, "You're a delight to cook for, I've never had someone complement my food so much."

****

Hazel was surprised at how ready she was as the IT man set up the courtroom feed. Tammy, the head of her department, stood there with a soft smile on her face and placed her hand on Hazel's shoulder. "If you want to go home after this you can, we all understand."

Lizzy nodded. "I'll take you too, we can eat some ice cream and binge watch animal planet."

Hazel shook her head. "No, this man isn't going to take another second away from me. I can do this."

Tammy smiled. "Yes, you can."

Billy, Frank, Karen and Curt arrived soon after in their best attire, Billy didn't even have a hair out of place.

Tammy shot Hazel one last smile. "I'm over in the next room. We're here for you no matter what happens."

She smiled. "Thank you." She sat at the table with everyone next to her and waited for the feed to light up, her heart rate rising with every passing second. Billy's hand landed on hers and rubbed soothingly when her legs started to bob and before she knew it, the courtroom was filling the screen.

She took a deep breath as the board read the proceedings and then it was Hazel's turn to talk. "Theodore Parker once said 'The arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends towards justice.' I stopped believing that a long time ago. Mr Cambell should have been gone to prison than a lot longer than he got but seven to nine and I tried to put him out of my mind, I hoped that he would be a different person when he came out."

She took another deep breath and stilled her shaking hands. "He has not been in prison long enough to change and we all know he hasn't done any programs. We all know why he's coming up for parole, he's turned on someone. I just wished someone stopped to ask me what I wanted, and if the man who tried to kill me should even be given the chance to get out so early."

Billy could hear the rage coming from her voice. "I'm asking you to make the right choice and say no today, I'm asking you to acknowledge that something horrible was done to me and that I deserve justice."

Resolve came over her face as she met eyes with each member. "Please don't let his one self serving deed undo him trying to kill me. Thank you for your time."

She muted the mic and sat back down, and Billy's hand returned to hers. "You did really well."

She shook her head. "You saw the looks on their faces, he's giving them a big fish, they're not going to listen to me."

Karen cast a glance at Frank who nodded. "I have an idea if you're up for it?" She nodded. "There's no way they can legally let him out, I asked Mat. He turned state's evidence to the point to negate such a serious charge he should end up in witsec. If he gets out, do you want me to do some digging? The Bulletin would love a story about something like this."

"Yes, I would. If he gets out, people need to know so he doesn't get away with it." She couldn't think of anything better, being marked as a rat would ruin his life more than any conviction.

"Done." She was comforted by Karen's surety, somehow she knew that Karen would get the real story out there.

The feed lit up soon after and everyone turned their attention back to the screen. "Miss Moreau, we will be deliberating for quite a while. You should go back to work."

She sighed. "Thank you."

The feed went black and she took a deep breath. "I'm going back to work. There's is no point in worrying about what might or might not happen and the ER needs me."

She expected pushback from at least one person but she never got it, and Billy stood up with a smile. "Do you and Lizzy wanna come over and watch the fight with us tonight?"

Lizzy smiled. "Curt already invited me, I said yes."

Hazel smiled. "I would love to come."

Frank grinned. "That settles it then. We'll see you ladies tonight."

****

Hazel felt a weight lift off her chest as she got into Billy's car at the end of her day. "He's not out yet, you don't need to fuss."

He shook his head. "I'm not fussing. You've had a long day, you shouldn't have to take the subway."

She sighed and relaxed into the seat, "Thank you."

He noticed how she chewed on her lip as the ride went on. "Has someone called yet?"

She shook her head. "No, I would have told every…" Right on time, her phone rang. "Speak of the devil and he shall appear, or call as it were."

She put the phone on speaker without thinking and she knew by the DA's sigh what his next words were going to be. "I'm sorry Hazel, he's out. He's not allowed out of his state and he has to wear an electronic bracelet so he won't be coming into New York."

"Why?" She didn't mean to sound so upset.

"He turned on someone." There was a pause and the DA took a breath, "He turned on the AB, the danger he was in and how much he gave was the reason they let him out."

Billy huffed. "The fucking Aryan Brotherhood, just when I thought he couldn't get any worse. We'll all know he wouldn't have info if he wasn't up their asses in the first place."

"You must be Willam." The DA sighed, "I can assure both of you that Mr Cambell will not cause you any trouble and if he does, he will go back inside for breaking a restraining order that was filed on your behalf when he was paroled. If he contacts you in any way, please let us know."

She nodded. "Sure, thanks anyway." She hung up without letting him get in another word.

"You good?" He knew she wasn't but it didn't hurt to ask, he wasn't going to push her.

She shook her head. "I'm upset but if he cuts that bracelet off, I'll have enough warning to do what I need to do.

He smiled softly. "You're really brave, you know that?"

She shrugged, "I don't feel brave right now."

He could hear the shake in her voice. "That makes you even braver." He took one hand off the wheel and linked his fingers with hers, "I'll stay with you until you're ready to come to my place. I want to feed Barry again anyway."

She nodded. "That would be nice, thank you."

****

Billy smiled as Barry munched in the clams. "They're making my tank now, I can't wait until I can put all the plants in. I've had a lot of fun sketching the layout."

Hazel shook her head. "I can't believe you're a fish person."

He tilted his head. "Really, what kind of person do you think I am."

"Cats, I feel like you and a cat would get along great." She paused like she was shaking off more emotions. "I love cats, but I can't fit one in here. I figure I'll get one when I finally get a home of my own."

"You know, I think you might be right." He huffed to himself, "I'm gonna do some research."

"I knew it." She sighed. "Just let me hop in the shower and change into something that I can lounge around in a. and then we'll go. I've got some snacks in the freezer, should I bring them?"

He nodded. "Hell yeah, we always get pizza but I'm not turning down free food, especially if it's yours."

"Ok." She took a deep breath. "Tell me everything is going to be ok."

He closed the gap between them and grabbed her hand. "Everything is going to be fine, I'm not going to let anything happen to you."

****

"These pre shows are so full of bullshit, why do they need to puff their chests out so much."

Hazel sighed. "Because Lizzy, they need to hype up the crowd. It's why they're so mean to each other during press too."

Billy chuckled. "We're about to get a contact with a fighter, you might even see us at the next game."

Lizzy glared at him. "So we're not invited?"

"Don't listen to him, Billy's just being an ass." Frank said it with all the affection in the world.

Billy huffed. "Of course you guys are invited if they give us tickets."

Hazel stretched out and her thigh ended up getting inadvertently pushed against Billy's but he made no room to move away. Curt glanced over briefly from his shared loveseat with Lizzy but didn't say anything, rather, he nodded towards Frank, who slung his arm over Karen's shoulder to pull her close.

It seemed Billy and Hazel enjoyed the contact because Billy mirrored Frank's action and threw his arm over the back of the couch. "Who do you think will win tonight?"

Hazel shrugged. "Montana. Baker is too slow for his hands and he's ground and pound is shit."

"Yeah Bill, I got to agree, Baker isn't going to get far." Hazel appreciated Frank's support.

Billy grumbled. "Montana is a heel, but yeah, he's going to win."

The TV started to flash and the lights in Billy's loft went from dimmed to totally off. "Wow, and I thought to TV coming out of the wall was cool."

Lizzy chuckled. "You are so easy to impress Hazelnut."

"Am not." She took a piece of popcorn and lobbed it at Lizzy's head. "It is cool."

Lizzy shook her head. "Real mature, throwing food in someone else's home."

Billy smiled. "Nah, plenty of popcorn gets thrown around here, you should see Frank when he watches baseball."

Curt huffed. "Can you all shut up. It's starting."

Hazel pressed her lips together to stop herself from smiling. "Sorry Curt."

Everyone turned their attention back to the TV as the fighters came out and after their introductions and the ref shouting the rules, the flight started. It wasn't over as quick as everyone thought it would be and as it went on, Hazel drew closer to Billy until they were cuddling while fists hit faces.

Hazel tapped Billy's chest excitedly as the fight neared its third round. "Wow, it looks like Baker might win."

Billy fought the urge to peck her temple. "I think you might be right."

Sure enough, just as the fight entered its third round, Baker scored a knockout and the crowd went wild. "Good for him, you can tell he worked hard to get there."

Billy always admired how Hazel always acknowledged someone's hard work. "We'll see who he fights next, after this it's anyone's guess."

Frank sighed a slapped his legs. "Well ladies and gents, it's pretty late so Karen and I are going to head home."

Lizzy rolled her shoulders with a groan, "I should do the same." She turned to Curt. "You wanna come with and stay the night?"

Curt smiled. "You bet I do."

An awkward silence filled the space as everyone started to get ready to go and Billy took a deep breath before addressing Hazel. "Maybe you should stay the night, with everything that happened today and all. I have a guest room."

"Yeah, alright." Billy was shocked she didn't give him more pushback. "It will be good to know someone is just around the corner."

He smiled. "I'll show you where you gotta go."

No one said anything as everyone said their goodbyes but Lizzy made sure to thank Billy for his kindness as he wished her well at the door.

****

Hazel settled into bed wearing one of Billy's old PT shirts that he had so kindly lent to her. She looked around the guest room, it was almost as big as her whole apartment and it wasn't lost on her how much safer she felt as she rested back on the pillows. 

Knock knock

"Come in."

He popped his head through the door and walked a few steps into the room. "I'm right next door so wake me up if you need anything." 

She nodded. "Thank you Billy." 

"You think you'll be able to get any sleep?" He knew the answer already. 

She sighed. "I'm not sure but this mattress is very comfortable so we'll see."

His fingers itched to get closer. "I hope you get some rest but like I said, if you can't I'm right next door." 

She smiled. "Thanks Billy. Goodnight, sleep well." 

"Goodnight Hazel." 

****

It was strange, Hazel was wide awake but all she wanted to do was fall into the sleep that was scratching at her brain. There was no dripping tap, no fights outside her window, just a soft, soothing sound of the wind rustling the trees in the courtyard outside her window.

There was no light coming from under her door, no matter how hard she strained her eyes, she couldn't see anything which didn't help because she had no reason to go and see if Billy was still awake so she could have company in her insomnia.

She flipped over again and huffed, she didn't know how she could be so tired and so awake at the same time, and then she heard it, a soft whimper coming under her door. She listened and it came again and before she could stop herself, she was out of bed and rushing towards Billy's room.

She pushed open the door softly and peered in as the nightlight in the hall flicked on and drifted into Billy's room. He was fast asleep but his face was fixed into a grimace.

Hazel waited there watching him, unsure if she should wake him but he let out something that sounded more like a scream and she made her choice. She walked over to him, sat at the end of the bed and placed a hand on his calf before saying his name softly until his eyes shot open and his chest heaved.

"Billy, you're alright, you were having a nightmare." His eyes locked on her and he relaxed. "You're ok."

"Thank you. I'm sorry if I woke you." He sounded so regretful.

She shook her head, "No, I couldn't sleep anyway."

"Shit, I'm sorry. You wanna come and sit with me for a bit?" He knew he shouldn't be asking but he couldn't help himself.

"Alright, I think we could both use it." She climbed into bed next to him and pulled the covers over her legs, "What were you dreaming about?"

He swallowed. "Getting hurt. It wasn't a bomb this time. I swear sometimes the dreams are worse than the real thing."

She reached out and placed her hand on top of his. "You wanna tell me more about it?"

He blinked and stared into space for a moment before responding. "I can't remember it. It was there one minute and now it's gone." He sighed, "Dr C said that was normal."

She nodded, "Yeah, it is."

"My face hurts." He hadn't meant to say it but she responded anyway and he felt her hand brush the scar on his cheek.

"It's just phantom pain." The warmth of her hand chased away the strings of agony and he felt his eyes grow heavy.

"Thank you." His tired brain couldn't fight the urge to nuzzle into her palm and she smiled as the tension left his body.

She took a deep breath as a wave of exhaustion hit her. "We're both really tired, how about I spend the rest of the night here?"

He forced his eyes open and looked over her face in the barely there light from the hallway, there was no hesitation on her face. "Ok."

He got up and closed the door before hopping back in bed and fluffing the pillow behind her. "Thank you."

He smiled. "It's alright. Are you sure about this?"

She nodded. "Positive. The way I see it, we're friends and we're close, this doesn't have to mean anything more than that unless we want it to."

"Yeah, yeah I think that sounds about right." She went down first, lying on her side facing him as he did the same. "Is this alright?"

She reached out and took his hand. "This is great. Goodnight, again."

He chuckled softly as sleep came over him. "Goodnight again Hazel."

Part 13

[theroadtosomewhere]

Writer Interview Game!

Tagged by @azapofinspiration yippeeeeeeee

When did you start writing?

Mmmmm.... first story I wrote properly was in 2014, little primary school lad who got marked well on a story in class and it ended up on a lil notice board which little me was like oH. It was a 10 year old's excuse for a horror story but it does make me laugh to think that I went from that to wattpad within months, back when it wasnt behind a paywall. My first original was on wattpad in maybe 2016 and after that I was really into LoZ and BBC Sherlock so there was some fanfics there. My longest (unfinished) original story was built off a plot that I created for a LoZ fanfic and I was still very active in writing it up until three years ago, so there was a solid 6-7 years spent with that lol.

End of 2022 I started reading abt skk on ao3 without ever having watched the show (shoutout athena and moxie p sure i read some of yours first lmfao every skker ever) and started writing my first few skk fics without ever having watched the show OR read the manga. Before that though the thing that got me onto writing for/on ao3 was Narumitsu!!! my babes one day i will finish that first fic (blackmadhi yesssssssss if you wanna see my cringe from pre bsd thats it lol).

Are there different themes or genres you enjoy reading than what you write?

god..... too many..... its been a long time since ive sat down to read properly, and even during school i would not have considered myself a book nerd by any means (mostly because i was juggling time between school and extra-curriculars.)

Is there a writer you want to emulate or get compared to often?

When I was in highschool, my writing style (based on the original mentioned above) was compared to Marcus Zusac before I'd even read a book of his. That was pretty nice. Same with Neil Gaiman but that is too high praise for me to accept considering i now write either about gay lawyers or gay mafioso x ex-mafioso soooooooooooo. not sure any of that would come through in my writing these days.

Can you tell me a bit about your writing space?

Literally write wherever I can. In my room, at my desk, on the bus or train, during breaks at work and in class at uni (responsible i know). Wind, rain or shine, if i have an idea (or not even) i'll jot down an idea or vaguely edit something. The process is process-ing!!!!

What’s your most effective way to muster up a muse?

Hehehehehehehe......maladaptive daydreaming..........

Are there any recurring themes in your writing? Do they surprise you?

I LOVE THIS OKAY. SO. typical projection stuff incoming. I feel like most if not everyone has a highschool horror story and up until like a year or so ago i was like!!! it wasnt that bad!!!! (it was, emotionally at least). The aforementioned original story and its characters changed a LOT overtime lol. when I hit my last year of highschool, i'd had some time away from writing and when i read over it, it was crazy to see not only what my mental state had been through my writing, but to see my own coping mechanisms written between the lines before i even knew what they were/that i did them! Won't go into too much detail about that but I did experience dissociation and anxiety etc which I only began to address in my last year of school, so going back and reading it with a clearer head was like wow okay. that was real!

That being said! Hurt/comfort my beloved. The unloved being loved. Second chances. Do with that what you will.

What is your reason for writing?

Initially i started writing for fun, but during highschool as things got a little worse, i fell into the characters i created and i can look back now fondly and think...thank you. i still dont know if i want to touch the story because its one of the last things i have left from a time past that may not have been positive, but the experience of writing and developing the characters alongside myself back then is just sighs :') sometimes i miss that girl.

First for enjoyment, second as a way of staying sane, and now i'd say its a mixture of both. My writing is my love letter to whatever I'm writing about. I do love sharing too. Right audience and all that :)

What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

I've been told that I can write particular characters' inner voices quite well, which is always a compliment :')

I think my own strength as a writer is also the weakness, which is to say that a project is never finished. Even when there's something out there and up on the interwebs for people to see, there's a good chance that if you check back months later, something has been edited or changed. I do have issues with perfectionism at times, but weirdly enough its not a negative thing when i apply it to my writing. I enjoy the process of seeing the stories i write change.

How do you feel about your own writing?

Good most days. I experiment quite a bit with ideas and writing styles/formatting so I will leave it at that lol.

Tagging @calmlb and @samtheboyfailure if y'all want :)

[toiletology]

Knowing the 17 exist is the first step

G = 7, O = 6, D = 4 = 17

Funny my moms new dog she just got she named Truman. I think we have established the importance of the 17 up to this point and how it creates the shape of a door. We can endlessly extrapolate upon this number and find more mathematical or logical proofs of its importance. From the Holy Bible to Pi 3.14 to the numerology of our letters.

The numbers 1/7 = 0.1428571428571429 makes is not the most important part. Just knowing it exist is the first step to escaping the matrix and your 3D limitations.

Everything boils down to BELIEF, you must beLIEve in the LIE. I had to LIE to myself for a very long time for many years. I didn't want to accept what was happening to me was actually happening. Everyone around you will call you crazy, you need medication etc. Everything and everyone around you will tell you are WRONG. And what you are believing is INCORRECT.

Just be a good little sheep and follow the herd. The problem with that is I never liked listening to authority. I think my longest civilian job outside of the army only lasted 5 months. I knew there was something wrong with the world I just couldn't put my finger on it. Luckily my OCD for understanding the truth out weighed every other thing in my life including family life, health, social norms, relationships, etc. I've actually never been on a vacation before and here I am at the age of 40.

Yes I have been very obsessed with seeking the truth. Now that I finally found the Holy Grail I am sort of picking up the pieces of my life and trying to repair the damage I caused by being so obsessed with this journey. Luckily I am single with no kids and the only beings relying on me is my 2 cats. I am exercising a lot more since my health plummeted coincidentally a week or two after getting baptized at the age of 33 in 2018. I got diagnosed with Bechet's Disease which causes inflammation of the blood vessels. I was in an out of the ER 5x that year, I won't go into the details but it was pretty bad.

It can cause all sorts of ailments but it can go into remission. I've fixed 90%+ of my health problems by just using a foot stool in the bathroom, making homemade kefir and drinking yerba mate. The last part of correcting my health is increasing exercise and cardio. I have created a Bechet's Disease Research group on Facebook and I do believe I've narrowed down the causes. One part is the lungs I smoked off and on from the age of 19 up to around 31. Another is not exercising enough, gut microbiome (was damage due to long term antibiotic use in 2010 which started my first symptoms of Bechet's), the adrenals and I believe phosphates in the foods plays a big part which affects the kidneys. Astragalus is supposedly one of the best herbs for the kidneys.

I notice a big improvement in my energy levels when I take my multivitamin, magnesium, chlorella/spirulina and get more sunlight. https://amzn.to/4ducxFE

I thought God hated me especially since all these underlying conditions manifested right after being baptized. Looking back now I realized it was an important physical and mental test of rebuilding myself and learning how to repair the damage I did to my body. God sent me the answers that I needed to solve my health problems and rebuild myself. I was actually experiencing shooting pains in my abdomen for months around 2020 and I was 1 day away from going to the ER for it.

I prayed to JESUS on Friday night and the next day that shooting pain magically went away. I was able to make that pain completely disappear once I added a stool for my feet in the bathroom and started incorporated homemade fermented kefir into my diet. The stool helps by lowering your cortisol and stress on your organs.

Now your probably saying, so you were healed after praying to JESUS and now you want us to believe in this Toilet God fantasy you're weaving? Exactly! During my 11 year trials I was attacked by a lot of evil. That evil demonic energy would actually laugh at me and make fun of me for calling out to JESUS for protection or help. Like oh God here he goes again calling out to Jesus to save him... But in the end I always did the same thing for protection. Until this last time in 1/7/2023 where I was finally able to push higher past the jeSUS avatar and realize they are there to hide Gods ultimate truth. Don't get me wrong there is a great deal of power in JESUS name but they are not the ultiMATe truth.

Jesus or the Jester is a better name. Gods true persona is one of a clown or jester entity. The energy that flows outwardly from the Vesica Piscis or the vessel of the fish (Jesus fish) is a CLOWN energy. God is closer to that wink or that JINX than JESUS. God embeds a lot of their truth spread out through all religions and spiritual practices. Its just most of it gets diluted overtime to the point it becomes no longer helpful. This is why GOD wants to bring Toiletology to the masses. The world needs a wake up call. With more and more moving away from God a joke/parody religion is the best method to bring their truth like a trojan horse in disguise!

How can a silly parody/joke religion created by a comic book writer actually have any Godly truth within it?

I'm starting to realize now that I have done the crucifixion slowly over this past 11-12 years. Going through these past battles especially the one in fall 2023 where I had to fast for 40 days into another 40 day battle was hell. It honestly felt like I could keel over at any moment. I keep talking about how to reach my level of understanding you need to do this 11 year journey as well. I been asking God about this lately, how can the average person handle this without experiencing everything I have over my entire life? My time in the army, at war, my paranormal experiences when I was a teenager, my intuition and constantly searching etc.?

I am realizing now that I may of already done the work for y'all. And all that is left is for you guys to harmonize off of my words and the message I am bringing to you through Toiletology or my "ministry." I am mostly just an artist, I am no savior figure. I am just somewhat good at creating great art that may resonate with a large amount of people. I also don't like a lot of attention and tend to avoid people. You can find me alone and in hermit mode 99% of my life. I have spent much time in solitude trying to understand God. Many years just quietly meditating and not much else.

My one friend I was training last December in 2023 for a few weeks said he could feel the sauce/slack or the ACE as I like to call it. The drugged out energy you feel when you are on the right track and harmonizing with God perfectly to reach your full potential. It took me 10+ years to feel that on my own. If what my friend was telling me it means that you guys made not need to go through all the grueling test God put me through. My friend was willing to join the church and I actually promoted him to the second rank while he was here with my fencing saber. You may get a watered down version of this 11 year journey and basically ride my coat tails to the top or through the gates of heaven. Because I can provide you with all the answers you seek without you doing any of the work. Maintaining 4D awareness requires an insane level of belief. I imagine you will still have battles you must overcome to reach the level of belief required. Toiletology I believe will accelerate this process for you. Everyone is already on this journey, they just don't realize they are. Toiletology is like a compass/map that can point you in the correct direction you should be looking. To better help you navigate this tangled web that God weaves.

The main thing this journey has taught me is mastery of being insane. You need to be so insane that you actually go around the swing set inside out and become sane again. Basically being so bat shit insane but still being a "normal" functioning human being. Not mindlessly bumbling nonsense all over the place.

The truth is not that complicated. There is a higher level of awareness or reality. It is possible to tap into this reality and extra senses. Its definitely more than 6 senses, but the 6th sense is definitely your ability to communicate telepathically. Accessing the Akashic Records, lucid dreaming, astral projection or remote viewing you could probably lump all into this same 6th sense.

I think its all connected, it all begins with developing your pineal gland. I am still developing new abilities and strengthening the ones I have now more and more. I still don't fully know what the upper limit of these abilities will be yet. No I don't think I will ever be able to fly in the physical world, but I do fly a lot in my dreams. Maybe astral projection flying is real in the astral realm. I haven't done that yet, so I am not sure.

It is possible to "meet" with others in the "mind" if you have the skill to connect telepathically so that you both can share, connect or bond with each other in this shared mind. You can't force yourself into another's mind, only if you both are trying to connect to each other will your thoughts and memories start to flow together. It can be kind of weird thinking another persons thoughts and vice versa. It is possible to pick up on a persons thoughts in close proximity.

One time at the movie theater I hat a black wool Amish looking hat and heard this guys thoughts where he said in his mind, "I should wear a hat like that." I responded out loud, "Might as well." And they looked at me perplexed, smiled and walked away laughing. These connections aren't so much being telepathic yourself, but God allowing these connections to happen since they can't be forced. No matter how good you think your telepathic skills are. If its meant to be it will happen.

Needless to say I am still fairly new to these enhanced capabilities. I am just 100% in full belief they exist because I use them and practice them daily for years now. I know anyone can reach these same abilities as I am not that special or super smart. Though I have my moments and sometimes my intelligence does feel like it has major jumps or increases quite a lot. But it does shrink back down and makes things difficult again. The brains neuroplasticity or ability to change and grow seems unlimited. You know what they say if you don't use it you lose it.

Most humans have limited beliefs in their God given abilities. Maybe they grew up with everyone telling them they aren't that smart so they started to believe that. Self defeating thoughts can really dim your light. It can be hard to believe in yourself even when everyone around you doesn't want you to.

That is the true challenge for me and for Toiletology. Figuring out the best methods for helping everyone reach their full potential and unlock their supernatural abilities and connect perfectly to God so they no longer need my guidance or training. The basic foundation is love, honor, truth and respect. Point blank if you aren't operating at least at that fundamental level everything else will never work.

I was thinking maybe you guys need to bring on your "spiritual helper" which was the start of my elven/eleven year journey. I am still waiting for more guidance and knowledge from the Toilet God. All I do know is there is power in the ranks of Toiletology. There's power in just joining the church, there's power in helping it grow. There's power in making a daily conscious effort to believe what I am saying is actually true and/or possible.

It all starts first with making that FREE WILL conscious decision to explore this as a new avenue for your spiritual growth. The 17 (doorway) exist to reach these higher realms. Believing is the hardest part. Toiletology will show you the correct method for living in harmony with God. As well as developing your spiritual powers/defense so that you can start to make the transition into 4D.

ALL I can say is buckle your seatbelts because your in for a wild ride Dorothy and Kansas is going bye bye! I am not exactly sure the full potential and power of Toiletology quite yet, only that I made the journey and have embedded that Jesus-esque power into the church I have created.

I guess we won't know until I start getting some more disciples...

Interestingly half of 432 Hz = 216 or 27/117/49/64

[alegator]

hiii everyone :D i miss tumblr so bad and the ability to make long form blog posts ugh twitter is not the same plus the site and app are literally so shit. even though the tumblr app is not much better sometimes!! ive decided i want to post more on here to continue my little virtual diary…. I love the tagging system and most of all, love being able to look back and read my own updates!!! it’s crazy how it can help me recall the exact feeling of that moment… it feels special :) Twitter is great for quick fleeting thoughts so i wanna make lengthy life posts on here as a little time capsule, so i can have fun looking back and reading all my posts 10 years from now (if this site still exists. but i joined in 2011 and its still here so who knows). plus ive been posting my entire life on here for YEARS so who cares i will be vulnerable and over share and shit!!!!!! as is tumblr tradition… fuck it if youre my cousin on my homestuck side you can have my SSN.

moving on, here are fun life updates:

- celebrated my 11th anniversary on Feb 14th with the love of my life, Tenma!!!! i have been affectionately calling it the 7/11 anniversary since it’s been 11 years together, but also 7 years married 🤯 it actually fucks me up so bad that 2017 was 7 years ago like. genuinely lol FUCKKK HOOWWW 2017 should’ve been like 3 years ago. we choose to get married on the same day Tenma asked me out, which is also Valentine’s Day, and it was the best decision of all time for SO many reasons. maybe i will make a fun big post detailing those thoughts that another time!! we spent our anniversary day trying out a new coffee spot (so cute and SO pink omg), taking photo booth pictures at a new spot, exploring cute shops, and having an insanely delicious set menu i think maybe 6 courses? at a very fancy restaurant. i think 3 years ago we tried a new restaurant on our anniversary w their set Valentine’s Day menu course and it was so good, fun, and the best way to try out new foods so we’ve kept it going and i LOVE IT!!!!! i am already excited to see what tenma picks out for next year lol. finished the night by watching In The Mood For Love at our favorite local movie theater and i LOVED the movie, the whole end until bedtime we were just talking about it and dissecting it together. i love our life!!!!!!!!!

-tenma and i went to disneyland at the end of February for our anniversary trip!! ive gone before but they haven’t. IT WAS SO FUCKING FUN i am not a Disney fan at all but i love disneyland idk it’s just fun as fuck… um my feet were fucked afterwards lol but so worth it. one day at disneyland and the next at California aventure i wanna go back already but most importantly, tenma was already talking about wanting to go back and that makes me so happy bc it means they really enjoyed it!!! yay!!!! they even went on rides they thought were really scary just so we could try them together just once and that filled my heart with joy. then we also got to meet my online friend and had hotpot together. DELICIOUS i want to go back and explore LA next time and see more friends!!!! we are maybe planning a trip to San Fran in a few months though as the consulate is there to get my passport so that will take priority over any other trips☝🏼

-I GOT MY GREENCARD YEAGHHRHRHFJF!!!!!!!! ok actually i got it last year lol i wasn’t sure if i should put that on here but actually im so happy so fuck it!!! and then we celebrated by having a fancy dinner and I shared the news w the waiter who said he also did the same process w his wife! and yes i cried when i got my greencard idc i am HAPPY! crazy bc i got DACA for the first time in 2013 and then in 2023 i got my greencard… it’s been a fucking rollercoaster. and tenmas been there literally every step of the way…. Tenma is my rock I love them so much im crying typing this bc of how much i love them and how much they always support me and augnfngnfmg

-concerts this year have been Sonic symphony, kikuo/bo en/gus, Hannah Diamond, and hatsune miku (mikuexpo 2024)!!!!!!!! i loved all of the concerts genuinely so fun and next month i am taking my youngest sibling to a concert of a guy I don’t know but they love him so we will go and have a blast 🫡 idk if I’ll buy more tickets to more concerts but even if I don’t, it’s been a really really good year concert wise and i got to experience so many fun shows i never thought i would see live before!!

-spent time with lovely friends and celebrated old friendships and new ones yaaaay i love my friends and im blessed to have a good support system and I can’t wait to see what new friends I make in the future….

-I have a cold rn and took nighttime meds and unfortunately they are starting to hit so it’s time to say goodnight to tumblr…

If you read this far ummm ok weirdo… lol just kidding but i will try and post my lil life updates and pics more often so that not all my posts are like. months worth of writing… or maybe I won’t and the next time I make a post will be in a year idk!!!! this site is full of so many memories both good and bad and it’s dear to my lil heart, even if the feel isn’t the same since everyone mass migrated to Twitter, I want to come back here more often and make new memories whenever I can. goodnight 💤

[zipegs]

twenty questions for fic writers!

tagged by @cedarbranch thank you so much!!

tagging: @valentinsylve @wastrelwoods @shachaai @chaotic-plotter @thedarkmongoose

@luvbef @abstracteeveewrites @det395 no pressure though!!

1. how many works do you have on ao3?

28! back in the good old days (especially when i was mostly writing oneshots) i used to be able to do one work a month but now i'm a lot slower and much more sporadic. definitely think i can break the 30 mark this year though!

2. what's your total ao3 word count?

212,146!

3. what fandoms do you write for?

right now it's hannibal and the heu. i have also written for star trek aos, the terror s1, and supernatural, and will probably revisit some or all of them at some point in the future

4. top five fics by kudos

A Treatise on Touch (or Lack Thereof) (Star Trek AOS) - 883 Murphy's Law of Cohabitation (Supernatural) - 594 to the victor go the spoils (Hannibal) - 578 of all acts for which you must atone (Hannibal) - 554 kalos kagathos (Hannibal) - 522 my two crack fics coming in first! lmao. just goes to show that being silly and self-indulgent can pay off 😂 especially considering that top kudos'd fic is rated T! also was a surprise to see my terror yuletide fic coming in the number six spot, since that's a much smaller fandom compared to the others i've written for (or it was, at least. i know it's grown a bit since i started there)

5. do you respond to comments?

yes, all of them! unfortunately i'm an even slower comment responded than i am a writer but i do respond to each and every single one eventually. i appreciate people leaving the time to let me know they enjoyed my work so much and i definitely want to show that. plus i just enjoy the conversation!

6. what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

well! the book of jonah (hannibal) is definitely high up there, as are some of the oneshots in take the longing and give it a name (the terror). oh also ad finitum (the terror) and maybe elegy (the terror)? some of those (and a few i mentioned) are more bleak horror endings but the hartnell death oneshot in take the longing and give it a name and ad finitum are definitely just straight angst

7. what's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

a lot of them have happy endings, and some are just fluff oneshots! but i'm gonna say A Treatise on Touch (or Lack Thereof) for its very slight angst and eventual supremely happy ending.

8. do you get hate on fics?

i do not! i've found a nice little niche i suppose lol

9. do you write smut?

yes! i used to hate it but since joining the hannibal fandom i've started enjoying writing smut and dabbling in pwps. actually most of my recent work has been pwps dkfhdgh

10. craziest crossover?

i haven't done anything crazy i fear! my only crossovers have been heu.

11. have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that i've noticed! i've had one suspicious incident of concept-ripping BUT it could have very well been a coincidence, so overall i've made out well!

12. have you ever had a fic translated?

yes i have!! Stacy_likegravity translated A Treatise on Touch (or Lack Thereof) to Chinese and Jane_Ka translated i am my beloved's (and my beloved is mine) to Belarusian.

13. have you ever co-written a fic before?

i have not. i used to be too much of a control freak to consider it—the thought alone was off-putting. now, though, it's something i'd love to try with a writer i'm comfortable and have a rapport with.

14. all time favorite ship?

you can't ask me that because my current ship always is my all-time favorite!!! so, yeah, gotta say hannigram.

15. what's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

mmmm i have a bunch! there's an old supernatural horror fic i had about anna milton being a terrifying and off-putting child (thanks to, you know, once being an angel) that i'd love to finish and spruce up bc i felt really good about it at the time. that's five years ago now though so who knows if i'd feel like the writing held up!

16. what are your writing strengths?

i think i'm pretty good at setting and description—establishing a place and/or feel/tone for a piece. i like to think i'm pretty decent at capturing speech patterns but i do find dialogue a lot harder than narration personally.

17. what are your writing weaknesses?

i tend to get rambly and overexplain when it's unnecessary (and sometimes gloss over what i should space out a bit)! pacing isn't always the easiest for me and i'm not great at story structure.

18. thoughts on dialogue in another language?

i don't mind it, as long as it's easily navigable! i used to be all for the hover-translations people would do but now i love linked footnotes. scrolling up and down for translations can be a little taxing for me personally.

19. first fandom you wrote in?

phantom of the opera. i tried my hand at writing a phantom/christine sex scene way back when and got about as far as "her corset 'magically' became undone". needless to say that never saw the light of day! first published fandom was a galadriel lotr oneshot i posted on ff.net (completely forgot about that until right now, actually lol)

20. favorite fic you've written?

i think i have to say the book of jonah, because i'm really proud of that one!

[caluski]

happy 1 year anniversary to one of the best summer albums out there that ive ever known. thank you temples for creating exotico

to properly celebrate such a joyful occasion, i have decided to rank songs of the album from my least to most favorite with a tiny bit of absolutely useless commentary. lets get to it

16. Meet Your Maker.

i dont get this song. sorry!!! no fucking idea where they were going with the instrumental... its super strange. the ONLY skip on the album for me.

15. Giallo

it's okay honestly. well its fine, but nothing more than that for me. I dont exactly dislike it, chorus is just kind of strange. but in general it's not bad! just not something i feel anything in particular for.

14. Time is a Light

they tried something else with this one, but i am not sure w h a t were they going for exactly. chorus feels like an echo of gamma rays, but the rest is... well. but i do really like gamma rays so its not that bad. feels a little too long tho. what's up with the last minute feeling so... um, can this be over already?

13. Oval Stones

we're getting to the good ones!!!!! oval stones is really pleasant. i like how chill it is compared to most of the album.

12. Slow Days

again the chill one. actually i find it weird that its not the closer of the album. it would be a perfect closer! listening to it really slows you down (not in a bad way) so its strange to have oval stones + slow days followed by crystal hall. im not crazy about albums doing that, kind of throwing you off the rhythm... my perfect album order would be sorted in the way that wakes you up, and then calms you down by the end.

11. Head in the Clouds

okay, i do understand why it's after crystal hall - obvious interpolation going on there, down to the very same lyrics ("can you feel it coming down?") and i do LOVE preludes, interludes, whatever, transition tracks in albums, that is GREAT. but my issue is once again with the slow, slow, fast, slow pace again. if not slow days, i think that would also be the perfect closer.

10. Inner Space

i don't really have anything to say about this one. its good! i like it a lot! but for some reason, despite being like, in a bit of a calmer tempo, it makes me a little bit anxious. not in a bad way exactly, its just a good song for when im troubled about something.

9. Movements of Time

THIS SHOULDVE BEEN THE OPENING TRACK!!!!! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!!!!!!!!! WHAT!!!!!! its literally the PERFECT opening track for this album. its SETS UP the mood. HOW IS IT A CLOSER???? and i love the ... organ sound that they have going on in this one?? its really cool.

8. Crystal Hall

oh ohhhhh this is where it starts getting really hard to rank them.... Crystal hall is really good but also really short!!! why is it so short? under 3 minutes???

7. Gamma Rays

yeah i understand why this is the most popular. i mean i dont think its the best, but yeahhhhh.... its so good. literally perfect for "soaking up the rays"!!!!

6. Cicada

a big fan of so much reverb in this one. it especially makes the album so... summer specific, reverb is so summery! maybe because of how it makes everything sound like a song played on an open air music festival.

5. Liquid Air

if it couldn't be movements of time, i understand why liquid air made it as the opener. theres the anxious vibe going on again - which i do really like, in general im enjoying the theme of this album although im not really the lyrics kind of guy. and this one, its strange because its almost 6 minutes long, but it doesnt feel too long. or repetitive.

4. Fading Actor

ouuughhhhh this one is one of my absolute faves. it actually grew on me SO much, because at first i didnt pay any attention to it. but once i got it, it hit me sooooo hard, it remained on repeat for like MONTHS after summer ended.

3/2. Exotico + Sultry Air

i cannot i CANNOT judge them separately. in my heart they come together as one. and yet, they are two different tracks, which makes me love them even more. im really obsessed with the way it is composed, just absolutely amazing. the BRIDGE is especially the reason why i adore it so much. its SO good. and then theres sultry air!!!!! its the PERFECT postlude, like literally i think my favorite postlude in any album ever. like end credits to a movie. no notes!!!!!!

1. Afterlife

yeahhhhhhhhhh the only reason i even gave the album i listen in the first place. love at first sight!!!!!!!!! absolutely stunning. love the tension building up followed by the amazing bass... and okay i do have issues with the order of this album, but i do get why they put it by the end - its a truly perfect payoff even for the weaker parts of the album. best listened to on full volume... once had the joy of listening to it on a real good quality professional speaker set and my god. its like its MEANT to be blasted from the roof of a building. god i hate the fact that its produced by sean ono lennon. it had no right to be this fucking good.

[unhitches-similes]

20 Questions for Fanfic Writers

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

13 (current penname)

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

122,174 (current penname)

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Under my current penname: Marvel/MCU, Stargate SG-1 & Atlantis, and Miraculous Ladybug--but I have ideas for fics in other fandoms!

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Eidetic Image (T) Marvel

The Stand-In (G) Marvel - Stony

How to Avoid Thinking (E) Marvel - IronHawk

You Wanna Go (on a Date with Me)?! (T) Marvel - Stony

Change is All (T) - SG-1

5. Do you respond to comments? Why? Why not?

Yes, absolutely. That said, it can occasionally take me months to do so, especially on my older works, because I leave them in my inbox and hoard them like a dragon because they make me so happy.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I really should write more angst, tbh... that said, the only fic I currently have that can really be called angsty and ends without a happy ending is Worse Than Myth.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I would say Eidetic Image has a happy ending, if you don't count the teaser/cliffhanger that is the epilogue. Otherwise probably Change is All?

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I've been writing fanfiction in some form for 20+ years and posting for nearly as long, so I've definitely gotten a few hate comments over the years, but nothing on any of my recent stuff. In part because I'm not that known, probably.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yes, and it really depends on the muse.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I don't really write any crazy crossovers, although technically, most of my Marvel fics are a fusion of various Marvel sources (MCU, 616, etc.) and I've also got a crossover between SG-1 and Atlantis, but they're really the same fandom families and don't really count as real crossovers, imo.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge and it's my hope that I never do.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

I had several translated under my previous penname, but none of my recent stuff; I've divorced myself from the fandom in question.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Under a previous penname, yes.

14. What’s your all time favourite ship?

Asking a shipper's favorite ship is cruel and unusual, but it's probably almost definitely IronHawk or Stuckony. Also Spirk. I also really love the Lovesquare in all its permutations.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I don't have an WIPs currently being posted for this very reason. So many ideas. With my motivation and butterfly brain, I'll never finish them all.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I'm pretty great with dialogue and emotive scenes, I think? I'm not sure--please let me know!

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Not actually writing even though I really want to. I also struggle with action scenes, but everyone says they always come out fine, so I'm not sure.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Oh. Oh, this is a bad question to ask me.

Listen, if the readers are supposed to understand what's being said, then freaking write it in the same language as the rest of fic and italicize to indicate it's in a different language. If I have to go hunting for a goddamn translation, or scroll back and forth to the mf-ing notes, when I'm supposed to know what's being said, odds are very high that I'm going to simply stop reading a fic. It's bad writing. Yes, I said it. It's bad writing--it's your job as a writer to make sure a reader can understand what they need to without making them jump through hoops. If your "aesthetic" matters more to you than making your narrative readily accessible to your readers, you need to rethink having another language being spoken. That said, if readers aren't supposed to understand what is said (or it's obvious/doesn't matter in the case of, like, spells or something), or you work the translation into the story right away, I'm all for it. Those are the only times I find it acceptable to actually have another language that's spoken written in a language different from the rest of the narrative.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Cats (the 1998 video, not that 2019 monstrosity)

20. Favorite fics you’ve written?

I'm really rather proud of Eidetic Image despite its numerous and varied flaws, as well as The Seeds of Great Enterprises. I also really had a lot of fun writing my Miraculous BFF-swap story Crushes and Antics.

Thank you so much for tagging me, @hamsteriffic! <3 I think I shall give a poke to... ahhhhh--anyone who sees this and might wanna do it as well! I lack the temerity to ask anyone apart from Hamster or Waffle lol

[soopscoop]

life adventures log 6

january 7, 2024

you could’ve sworn you made one of these a few months ago. not the prior one but a secret, lost log, erased from the naked eye and hidden between the pixels and code of the tumblr universe. its gone. or you’re crazy. you don’t even remember what was in the post lol, but you know for sure that you were up at 3AM cooking up something great.

its the new year! lots of things have happened since the last log. firstly, school was a delight. it was so refreshing to be in classes you actually had interest in. hopefully you’ll bring the same energy to the next semester. you’re finding more friends in the major and growing more in what you want to do. more on your future job later.

you feel as if your circle of friends has grown smaller and larger all the same. its like you’ve made more friends, but the number of close, talk-and-text-a-lot-to group feels like its getting smaller. maybe. or maybe you feel like there are more people that you’re friends with that you wish to talk and text a lot to now. options are growing!

the winter break has most definitely been an eventful one. you’ve had family over for the entirety of it, making it your main priority, without much time for anyone or anything else. although you’ve enjoyed your time back at home, you will not be mad that you’re headed back to school. your introverted bones ache for solitude, although you’re sure you won’t feel this way for long. give it like two weeks lol.

you gained a lot of weight over the break…. like damn girl!!!! you’ve set a goal for yourself. its a far off and a long term goal, but you hope one day you can do a pull up! this is a secondary goal, second to the one of losing however many pounds. fifty for sure. this year is to get to the 100s. embarrassing! the gym at your apartment complex is closed for renovations, but there are plenty of options. this year is for growth and discovery.

speaking of this year, you are turning TWENTY. in the past you’ve been wary of the number. however, now you’ve found a newfound spark and hope. this year is going to be great. this year you’ll pursue (hopefully) all the things that you’ve wanted to. you’re hoping to start the webcomic! you’re gonna get a job finally and get money (currently dead ass broke). you’re gonna love your school and love your friends and maybe even love someone? crazy! the future is bright! your twenties have never looked better! you’re gonna be rich and successful just like you always wanted. here’s to the next decade, darling!

back to your future job: the future is definitely moving closer to you very quickly. there’s plenty that you are excited for in this upcoming decade, but the whole career scene is filled with doubts and uncertainties. you still aren’t 100% sure that speech therapy is what you want to do, but at least the percentage is larger than it was with nursing. during your classes last semester you started formulating a plan. well, not a plan per se, but a more solid idea of what you want to be. in this field, the dream is to work with trans patients. my niece is to help them in their transition, mainly with voice and the surgery for their optimal voice. like isn’t that so cool. amazing even. working with kids was the initial plan, but this feels so much cooler. you’re currently not sure how to get there, but this year you’ll start finding ways how!

back to the whole losing weight thing: you’ve challenged mom and your sister to losing one pound every two weeks. you recently (re)watched that one CGPgrey video about maximizing misery and in the video he mentions that making shorter, more easily obtainable goals is better for encouragement and feeling like you’re achieving more rather than a long term goal. something like that. keep up with this, okay?

closing thoughts: you got this babes. live your best life. there is a good life ahead of you and you know it. keep up the good work!

songs:

tulips - stranger club

paler, still paler - bo en

with high hopes and regards,

past you

[littlejammything]

Me rambling about diet and exercise :p

Trying to transition myself into a state of mind of making sure my body is well taken care of has been challenging.

I have been dealing with body dysmorphia and a very restrictive eating disorder for sooo long...

I'm 25, 26 in just another 7 months... and I'm sick of driving myself crazy over my body and food!

So, instead of not eating, I'm trying to make sure the things I do eat are natural, healthy, and filling.

Making sure I'm more satiated by adding instead of subtracting. Adding fruit where I can, any veggies where I can. I need the nutrients and instead of binging on processed foods it keeps me fuller and I know I got some fruits and veggies in my system for the day. Not only is that good on its own but it's a lot easier for my body to digest and I don't get so bloated.

Getting exercise almost everyday, although I'm not in the gym at the moment. I'm just doing at home body weight basics like push ups, squats, leg raises for the core, etc. and at least a mile on the treadmill, running and walking. Today I did 2 miles.

I just want my body to feel healthy and capable. Not feeling dizzy, nauseous, having poor focus because I'm starving myself.

Oh yeah, and drinking plenty of water. Did no fucking realize how absolutely shitty you can feel when you're dehydrated HAH so I'm drinking AT LEAST 80 oz of water a day, although i usually drink around maybe 125 oz or a little more per day.

Before this year, i was basically starving myself almost everyday. I had gotten so used to it that a lot of the time, I didn't even feel hungry. And it wasn't too too bad all the time, but last year was pretty bad.

I gained some weight this year! Just a few lbs, because of eating like a normal person lol but also from eating a lot of fast food and junk :p it wasn't so much maybe like... 6 or 7 lbs. but a bit of that is muscle I've noticed.

And since I've cut the majority of that shit out of my diet and keeping exercise in my routine I've dropped maybe like... 3 lbs this past month I think. 2 or 3 it really just depends on what time of day I weigh myself and if I had just eaten, yknow.

Also, weighing myself is something I try to NOT do, because of my eating disorder. But it is nice to know here and there. I mean, there are still some issues with this, because i weigh 115-116 at 5 feet atm... so im pretty normal to be so worried about this all. I was like 112 at the beginning of the year lol but I looked really thin and I didn't have the bit of muscle I gained that I have now.

Once I'm able to go to the gym consistently (work schedule is a bit all over the place right now), I really want to prioritize eating enough protein to gain more muscle mass, though. So, that'll bulk me up and I'll be stronger :o)

[satsumaspeach]

WORDS I'LL TREASURE FOREVER

January 25

You are my only romantic fiction

February 13

Well I don't know, I enjoy you

March 28

If I am a sapiosexual flirt the answer is you

April 19

Don't be sad though, think what you have achieved in the last few months. Your much better off than you were and you only narrowly missed out on this job. Not because you couldn't do it but becsuse they preferred another candidate for their own personal reasons.

Not entirely, but you are a friend who I would not wish to hurt

April 27

Always a good choice is my favourite as well x

April 29

Make the most of it you deserve it.

Don't cry, toast to your success and go to bed more than satisfied with all you have accomplished.

May 3 (Chicken Wings)

Saw that on TV and thought of you

May 5 (Maria Ressa)

The thought of my two favourite Filipinos working together lol

Well I had faith in you so eventually I believed that you would change your mind

May 17

It's been a long day for me too. I think you'll like this one https://youtu.be/seZMOTGCDag get some rest and enjoy and sleep well

Its very chilled I listened to it this morning and thought of you.

May 29

Hi Ri I am fine, my weekend is still going and is a good one, I managed to achieve what I needed to yesterday and was busy fixing the garden. I have heard people say before how reading an old book is like revisiting an old friend but not being a reader of books its not something that I have experienced. I am glad you enjoy it though. Why do you say your existence is stagnant is it because you are still yearning for change or because you are missing something? I found that when I was younger I would think about doing great things, but growing up and growing older is a process of coming to terms with the limitations of life and the constraints of this world, realising what actually is important. So find your place in this world, enjoy it and continue to flourish because I know that your existence can never be stagnant x

June 3

Morning Ri x, hope you are well. How has your week been? Have you connected with the real world a bit more. I would ponder that on my trip into London each day. Please remember I am always wishing for the best for you x.

Thats okay I thought a lot about messaging you but based on your previous reply I thought maybe I give you a little time. I kind of thought thats why you hadn't messaged.

June 4

Morning Ri, I am not sure if it is a long or short 6 months. So much has changed since we first spoke but it also doesn't feel like that long ago. Its very suprising what an awkward conversation can lead to and sometimes its the unexpected things that give us the greatest joy.

June 7

You have to remember alcohol is a strong social drug

Lol, the trick is to drink a little, which is good for overcoming anxiety and involves you into their social customs…. but not too much.

June 9

Well there is questions about most efficient and flexible way for governments to meet the needs of people, but by creating federal states there is a risks… such as fueling those areas want for independence or increasing the divide between areas

July 7

Keep excelling and using your muggle born magic lol

July 10

I wil toast the girl for swatting up better than even the swattiest of swats 🍻

July 14

I would say always take positive steps, if you are unsure of your current work the answer is not to step backwards but find a way of taking another step.

Personally I don't think your reasons are strong enough to make the decision to go back. You were overworked,your colleagues were lazy they relied on you too much, you worked crazy hours, you horrendous travel and no expenses.

Also, going back seems like an easy option… its certainly an easy option for them. However recruiting you to the same position doesn't make me think they value you as much as they should and once they have done that where is the progression, where is the incentive for them to proactive in helping you progress.

Also, going back seems like an easy option… its certainly an easy option for them. However recruiting you to the same position doesn't make me think they value you as much as they should and once they have done that where is the progression, where is the incentive for them to proactive in helping you progress.

What you should have learnt after quitting is that you have talent and those talents are saleable. Be the ambitious and driven person that you are.

July 15

Not everyone no

July 26

Hopefully your life is clicking again where you can find comfort in both your personal and professional life.

August 4

I think you are more successful than you realise, I am pleased that finally you feel appreciated at work. I hope that this vindicates your decision to battle through for a bit longer and proves that you arethe person that she hired 😀.

August 9

I hope you will figure things out. Our conversations correlate with a big change in your life and I believe a very positive one. Relationships are often formed and grounded by shared experiences, so aside from lust, thats how more meaningful bonds are created.

August 10

The problem is its not the movies and the world is not ideal, no matter how much you can try to be okay and pretend to understand… really how are you supposed to feel. Especially when you would not have done the same thing. In the movies romance conquers all and love is something that shines through and is even strengthened by adversity. I completely understand how terrible such a thing is and the damage that it can cause. But you get have continue on, find new meaning and eventually be brave enough to trust someone again.

And thats the cruelty of it a mental scar that is not visible to anyone but you.

August 11

It would be easier if you were a slut, but you may be lonely and weird and have misplaced beliefs, but above all you are caring

Well I don't think it will be easy to forget you.

You are a complication, not what I originally expected

Something I shouldn't exploit

Someone so open to be loved and to love with the fullness of their heart

September 2

I do realise. I like your deeply affectionate nature. However it also worries me because in searching for affirmation you show that you are vulnerable and fragile. I wish you could just be Ri and enjoy life, confident in how great you are (but not big headed lol). The question is what am I a friend, a part time lover or a projection of your wants and desires. I think it has been a muddle of them all. I am not sure what I can be for you, or what is best for you. I would just like you to be happy.

[op-grand-collection]