#its been so fun i just wish my pain levels were better

[starlightiing]

I'm barely able to hobble my damn ass around this spring fest but its been fun. Petting zoo, car show, old firetruck parade, lots of kiosks and snack stands...

My tiny, nothing, middle of absolute nowhere town put together something super cute. I just wish I wasn't in so much pain and could actually walk and withstand more. I'm drained and we've only been here 4 hours 🥺

But we did have "mini donuts" (the shop keep asked us to scope out the other kiosks and see what their prices were LOL. And we did. They were the cheapest at the fest!)

I only took a picture of one car - it's a Thunderbird. James Bond edition. My fiancé is obsessed with James Bond so I figured I'd show him lol.

I'm ready to sleep until race time now pls 😭

[03jyh23]

🩶⌇nights like these┆choi san

established relationship, idol!san x gn!reader

│synopsis: the one where you are san's priority

│genre: hurt/comfort

│trigger warnings: descriptions of chronic illness, pain, nausea, and emotional distress

│words: 2.4 k

│reminder: what you’re about to read is purely fiction, so let’s keep it separate from reality.

!minors do not interact!

— hi there my lovely people! this one is a requested work that is very important to me! the person who requested it shared their struggles with me, so i put a lot of care and effort into writing this piece. i hope it brings them comfort and resonates with anyone else going through similar challenges. thank you for trusting me with your story. ♡

love, monika ♡

you: sannie, im sorry but im not gonna make it tonight, have fun! love you x

You barely typed out the message and leaned deeper into the soft pillows. You hated feeling that way, feeling completely out of control of your own body. It was as if your own flesh and bones had turned against you, conspiring to ruin the moments you had been looking forward to. Another rush of nausea hit you, stronger this time, and you couldn't help but wrap your arms around yourself, trying to find some semblance of comfort. The persistent and haunting question lingered in your mind: Why were you so out of control? You wished you could muster the strength to push through, to be by San's side, but tonight, your body had other plans. You were helpless against a body that sabotaged all your important plans. You wanted the energy to be with San, to support him and not to disappoint the person you loved yet again, but tonight, you knew there was nothing you could do to feel better. You just needed to lay through it  

After all this time of having this health problem, you learned just how to live with it, so since early morning you tried to push the symptoms aside, focusing on getting ready. It was a routine you had perfected—ignoring the pain, the nausea, the overwhelming fatigue. You had become a master of disguise, hiding your struggles behind a cheerful facade. But tonight, even your best efforts weren't enough. 

Usually, you would go about with your day, that's why you were currently lying flat on your bed dressed in that pretty outfit San bought for you especially for tonight, all ready to go and celebrate with him. Just as you were about to leave, the usual symptoms hit you with the power of a train. It was as if your body had chosen this exact moment to remind you of its frailty, to assert its dominance over your will. Tonight was supposed to be different. Tonight, you were supposed to be standing beside San, holding his hand and cheering for him. You had been looking forward to this night for weeks, planning every detail. The thought of disappointing him weighed heavily on you, maybe even heavier than the nausea. You knew how much it meant to him to have you there, and the guilt gnawed at you from the inside. 

A burning stomach pain flared up, adding to the discomfort. It felt as though your insides were on fire, each wave of pain more intense than the last. You clutched your stomach, curling up tighter, wishing for some relief. The pain was relentless, a cruel reminder of the battle you were fighting within your own body. It was moments like these when you felt most defeated, most vulnerable. 

"Baby?" you opened your heavy eyes only to see San kneeling beside the bed, eye level with you. You didn't even notice you had fallen asleep. His eyes were filled with concern, his short, black hair was styled back, making him look incredibly elegant. He wore a white shirt with the first few buttons casually unbuttoned. His eye makeup was minimal, with just a hint of eyeliner to accentuate his eyes, exactly the way you always liked it. He must have rushed out straight from his dressing room, you thought as you blinked a few times to get rid of the tiredness. 

"Sannie? What are you doing here?" you asked, your voice barely above a whisper. 

San reached out, gently brushing a strand of hair away from your face. 

"I just had a feeling that today is rough on you. You didn't reply to any of my calls, so I rushed home," he said softly, his voice filled with concern and love. "I couldn't just leave you here alone," he said softly. "I wanted to be here for you." 

"I'm so sorry. I didn't want to ruin your night," you whispered, your voice cracking with emotion. 

San shook his head, a small smile playing on his lips. "Hey, don't say that. You could never ruin my night. I just want to be here with you, make sure you're okay," he reassured, his hand gently stroking your head. Tears welled up in your eyes as you looked at him, overwhelmed by his kindness. 

"I just hate feeling like this, being a burden," you admitted, your voice trembling. 

San’s expression softened even more. His fingers traced the few tears that managed to escape your eyes, then he kissed your forehead whispering, "You never are nor never will be a burden." You closed your eyes, feeling the gentle touch of his soft lips against your skin, a tingling warmth spreading through you. The tension in your muscles began to melt away as San’s fingers traced soothing patterns along your arm. You took a deep breath, allowing the warmth of his presence to envelop you. The pain and nausea, though still present, seemed to fade into the background as you focused on the steady rhythm of his touch. 

"But the party?" you mumbled out, "The boys must be so disappointed." 

San shook his head gently, his expression softening even more. "Don't worry about them right now. The boys understood, and Hongjoong reassured me it was all good. What's important is that we take care of you," he said soothingly, his fingers continuing to trace comforting patterns on your arm. 

"Thank you, Sannie," you murmured, your voice barely above a whisper. "For being here." 

He kissed your forehead again, lingering a bit longer this time. "Of course, my love. Always," he whispered back, his breath warm against your skin. You could hear the sincerity in his voice, and it eased some of the guilt that had been weighing you down. "Can you stand up? We need to get you in something comfortable first," San suggested gently, his hands ready to help you. You nodded weakly, grateful for his help as he eased you out of the outfit and into something more comfortable. 

"Is it any better now that you've slept for a while?" he asked, his voice filled with gentle concern as he rearranged the pillows on the bed. He brought an extra blanket, knowing you would likely get cold. 

"A little," you admitted, your voice still weak but filled with gratitude. "But I can feel the migraine creeping in slowly," you added, your voice tinged with fatigue and frustration. 

San nodded, his brow furrowing slightly with worry. "I'll get your medication and some water," he said, standing up to fetch the items. 

"I don't think I can take the medications," you admitted, your voice trembling slightly. "It feels like if I swallow anything, I would just rush to the toilet." 

San paused, his eyes filled with concern. "Okay, let's not push it then," he said softly, returning to your side. His arms wrapped around you, pulling you close to rest your head on his shoulder. You could feel the steady rise and fall of his chest, a soothing rhythm that started to calm your racing thoughts. He began drawing gentle patterns on your back, a gesture that always made you relax, his touch tender. 

You breathed in his cologne and felt your stomach clenching. The scent, usually comforting and familiar, now seemed overwhelming to your already sensitive senses. You backed out from his arms, holding a hand to your face to stave off the wave of nausea that threatened to overtake you. San looked at you with wide eyes, his brows furrowing slightly in confusion and concern before it hit him. "Love, I'm so sorry, it's the perfume? Too strong? I'm gonna change," he said hurriedly, already moving towards the closet to find something else to wear. 

"It's okay, Sannie," you mumbled, trying to muster a reassuring smile. "I just need a moment." 

But San had already swapped his formal shirt for something more comfortable and less scented. He returned to your side, "Better now?" he asked softly, his eyes searching for any sign of relief. 

You only nodded, and he took your hand, guiding you to the bed. "You are babying me too much," you mumbled as you followed in his steps, your voice tinged with a mix of gratitude and mild embarrassment.

San shook his head, a playful glint in his eyes. "Hm...." he scoffed dramatically, "I think I don't baby you enough, though?" 

You couldn't help but let out a small laugh despite the pain and discomfort you were feeling. San's dramatic tone and exaggerated expression brought a moment of lightness to an otherwise heavy night. "Really?" you asked, raising an eyebrow at him, trying to match his playful energy. 

"Absolutely," he replied with a grin, sitting down beside you. "Now, let's get you settled." You settled back into the bed, feeling a bit more at ease with San by your side. The pain and nausea were still there, but somehow, with his presence, they seemed a little more bearable. "Do you need me to bring something?" San asked, his voice filled with genuine concern. 

You shook your head slightly, feeling the weight of his love and care enveloping you. "Just stay here with me, that's all I need," you whispered.

"Alright, I will just put the curtains in case the migraine hits," he said as he quickly darted through the room to the windows. You watched him with tired eyes, the room dimmed as he drew the curtains, blocking out the harsh light that often worsened your migraines. The soft, muted light that remained was much gentler on your senses. 

San returned to your side, his movements gentle and deliberate, as if he were afraid of causing you any more discomfort. "Scoot over," San said softly, a gentle smile playing on his lips. You shifted slightly, making room for him on the bed. He carefully climbed in beside you, wrapping his arms around you. 

"Thank you for being so patient with me. I really needed you tonight," you whispered, your voice filled with gratitude. 

San held you a little tighter, pressing a gentle kiss to your forehead. "I'll always be here for you, no matter what," he murmured softly. San was drawing small circles on your back, your face buried in his chest. Your eyes were heavy, the migraine setting in, and you could feel the pressure building behind your temples. The gentle, rhythmic motion of his hand was soothing, a small comfort amidst the pain and discomfort, allowing you to relax slightly despite the throbbing in your head. 

Just as you began to drift off to sleep, your body started trembling uncontrollably. The sudden tremors jarred you awake, and you felt a wave of panic wash over you. San immediately noticed, his grip tightening around you in a protective embrace. 

"Hey, it's okay, I'm here," he whispered, his voice steady and calming. He gently rubbed your back, trying to soothe your body. "Just breathe, love. I'm right here with you." You focused on his voice, on the warmth of his presence, trying to steady your breath. The trembling slowly began to subside, and you clung to San, feeling a mixture of fear and relief. "Are you feeling dizzy again? Like the last time?" San asked, his voice tinged with concern. 

You nodded weakly, the dizziness making it hard to focus on anything. "Yeah, it's just... everything is spinning," you managed to whisper, clutching onto him. You closed your eyes, trying to steady your breathing as San's presence provided a comforting anchor. The room seemed to tilt and spin, but his calming voice and gentle touch helped you stay grounded. "I'm sorry, San," you murmured, feeling a wave of guilt wash over you. 

San shook his head, his expression filled with love and reassurance. "Don't apologize, my love. You can't control this, and I'm here to help you through it," he murmured softly. "I will keep you safe," he whispered, his voice filled with unwavering determination and love. "Just rest," he murmured softly. "I'll be right here with you." You nodded, feeling the weight of exhaustion pulling you under. San's hand continued to trace soothing patterns on your back, his touch gentle and reassuring. Gradually, your breathing steadied, and you found yourself relaxing into his embrace. 

As you drifted in and out of sleep, you could feel San's steady heartbeat beneath your cheek, a rhythm that grounded you. Hours passed in a blur of half-conscious moments and deep, dreamless sleep. Every time you stirred, San was there, his presence a steady source of comfort and love. You could feel his fingers brushing through your hair, his lips pressing gentle kisses to your head. He held you through the worst of it, never once leaving your side. 

When you finally woke, the pain had dulled to a manageable throb, and the nausea had receded enough for you to sit up slightly. San was still there, his eyes filled with concern and relief as he saw you stir. 

"Hey," he said softly, a gentle smile playing on his lips as he looked at you with concern. "How are you feeling?" 

You took a deep breath, assessing your condition and trying to gather your thoughts. "A bit better," you admitted, your voice still weak but more stable than before. The remnants of fatigue lingered, but you felt a small spark of improvement. 

"I'm glad to hear that," San replied, his smile growing a bit wider with relief. "Do you think you can eat something light? Maybe some broth or a bit of toast?" 

You nodded slowly, appreciating his care and the gentle way he always seemed to know what you needed. "I think I could try," you said, feeling a bit more hopeful at the thought of eating something. 

"Alright, let me order something, hm?" San said, giving you a reassuring smile as he gently helped you sit up against the pillows, adjusting them to make sure you were comfortable. 

"Thank you, Sannie," you whispered, feeling a surge of gratitude for his unending support and the way he always put your well-being first. 

San smiled warmly, his eyes filled with love and tenderness. "Anything for you, my love," he said, placing a soft kiss on your lips, his touch gentle and comforting. As he reached for his phone to place the order, you couldn't help but feel a deep sense of gratitude and love for having someone like San by your side, through thick and thin. 

♡│if you enjoy my writing please consider supporting me by tagging and reblogging│

♡│requests are open │

[angelicyoongie]

lovesick • yandere profiles

➝  a/n: thank you so much to anon for this commission!! ❤️ this is my first time writing a yandere profile, so it was a fun challenge and nice little side-project to work on. i hope this will give you all a little more insight into the lovesick boys! ➝  word count: 2.6k ➝ content warning: yandere behavior, stalker behavior, mentions of kidnapping, self-harm, murder, etc.

🥀 NAMJOON ➝ yandere type: overprotective, mildly possessive

Namjoon is overprotective to a fault. But how can he not be, when the illness that ripped his family apart left his mother nothing but a memory and his father a shell of what he once was? Losing a soulmate is pure torture and Namjoon refuses to repeat the same history as his parents. You're too precious, his darling, and there's nothing Namjoon won't do to ensure that you stay healthy and happy. Sure, maybe his methods come off as a little more invasive than caring when he books health check-ups in your name without your knowledge, but he doesn't mind your anger as long as it means that you're all right. 

Namjoon is for the most part calm and collected, but even he has his limits. He can't stand it when his advice or orders aren't followed; when you blatantly disregard your health or put yourself in dangerous situations despite his warnings. Those are the only times he truly ever gets angry – well, aside from when his claim on you is challenged, of course. Namjoon's possessive streak rears its head whenever someone tries to pretend like they know you better than he does, after all, you're his soulmate – his to care for and his to protect. He isn't above hurting someone if it means it'll keep you safe. Murder would be the absolute last resort for him but if it had to be done, then so be it. He'll do anything for you.

There's nothing that makes him happier than when you let him care for you without a fuss, allowing him to pamper you to his heart's desire. Namjoon craves to have you close, to feel your warmth in his arms and your steady breaths against his chest. He won't allow anything to jeopardize that – not even the six other people he shares the bond with. 

You're the most perfect soulmate he could ever wish for and the rest of the world can burn as long as it means you'll be safe, healthy, and happy (with him). 

🥀 SEOKJIN ➝ yandere type: obsessive

Seokjin has always been cynical about his soulmark. How was he supposed to find someone through their shared pain when there are so many people in this world? It seemed impossible and unfair, and Seokjin figured that the chances of ever finding you were slim to none. Even so, there was always a little part of him that hoped that the universe would lead him to his soulmate – you – at the right time. And it did. Seokjin swears he was reborn the first time he laid eyes on you, the pain insignificant in comparison to the joy of finally finding his soulmate. 

He has always been level-headed, thinking his actions through before acting on them, but Seokjin found that when he was faced with you, all of that flew out the window. He just couldn't leave you alone, not when he had finally found you. Seokjin likes to take pictures, to capture your every moment so that it can be remembered forever. Every smile, frown, and pout you make is a gift to this world, and Seokjin loves that the pictures all show off the genuine you, unfiltered and real. After all, you can't put on a fake smile if you don't even know that you're being followed. 

Seokjin has lost track of how many hours he's spent fantasizing about your bond and the life you're going to lead together. His obsessive thoughts are only quelled when he gets to see you, to follow you around; pretending he's taking part in your life as he watches it unfold from the shadows. And now that he finally has you, Seokjin is free to let all of his fantasies play out, to be the perfect soulmate that you deserve. He isn't one to raise his voice or get angry, but Seokjin finds his frustration building when you don't respond to his advances the way you were supposed to – the way he imagined you would. Even so, he doesn't dwell on it for long. His fantasies can always be changed, reimagined, to make sure they capture the real you – just like his photos. 

Seokjin loves spending time with you, indulging in your hobbies, and watching you do things that make you happy. Of course, he hopes that one day the only thing you'll need to make your heart sing is him, but he doesn't mind the wait. You have the rest of your lives to figure that out. You were the impossible was made possible, and Seokjin has no intention of ever letting his angel go. 

🥀 JUNGKOOK ➝ yandere type: mild clingy, mild obsessive

Jungkook always hoped that his soulmate would end up being someone like you. Coming from a broken family that pushed him aside the moment he showed signs of weakness, Jungkook only ever wished for his soulmate to accept him – to love him – like he was. His stutter and shyness didn't define him and yet, there were so many who couldn't look past it. You, however, felt like you were heaven-sent with how you only saw him and not his flaws.

He wanted so desperately to approach you when he realized that you were his soulmate but the insecurities his family had instilled in him held him back. So, he instead watched you from the back of the room, memorizing the way your hair moved and how you would tap your pen against your beautiful lips when you were deep in thought. The classes he didn't share with you were torture, but in turn, it made the moments he caught a glimpse of you around campus even sweeter. 

Truly, the only thing Jungkook wants is to be loved by you. His heart feels like it's bursting with happiness whenever you look at him, your touch electrifying his skin in a way he never thought possible. He used to be dependent on his hyungs for affection but it's nothing compared to the way you make him feel, the way you make his soul glow just by being near. His past has left him starved for your attention and Jungkook finds that his emotions get a little too overwhelming whenever you're not around. He relies on you for stability and love, something that only fuels his mildly obsessive tendencies. 

Jungkook would rather hurt himself before ever hurting you. He might not be willing to go to the lengths that his hyungs are to protect you, but that doesn't mean he can't keep you safe. Jungkook would do anything for you, even if it means sacrificing himself. You're everything to him. 

🥀 HOSEOK ➝ yandere type: impulsive

Hoseok believes that the best-laid plans are those that happen on a whim. The choices he's thought the least about are those that have given him the most; he started his business based on a bet, joined a fundraiser because he had nothing better to do that day and somehow all of it led him straight to you – his other half. Hoseok may not believe in fate but he does trust his gut, and he especially listens to it when he's around you.

Compared to your other soulmates, Hoseok comes off as cold and stoic, his true emotions hidden behind a mask. Hoseok was known to be loud and expressive when he was young but the more he got teased for his outbursts and over-the-top reactions, the more he started hiding them away. Now, it takes a lot of coaxing before Hoseok feels comfortable enough to let his mask slip, a burst of genuine laughter from him so rare it stuns you every time you hear it. 

Hoseok's impulsive nature has worked well for him over the years, but it also means that he often acts without thinking much of the after – like how he would ever be able to explain your drugged drink to a room full of people who weren't equally as sick as him. His quick mood changes make him unpredictable and he's quick to anger when something doesn't go his way. Hoseok isn't above giving out punishment, not if it means you'll learn to never disobey him again. He'll never intentionally hurt you but he's more than capable of giving you a good scare.

Although you may be safe from his wrath, other people aren't so lucky. Hoseok will certainly resort to murder if someone ever dares to lay a finger on you and he'll take great joy in removing them from your sight. 

What Hoseok loves the most is seeing your reaction as he gives you new treats he's created especially for you. There's nothing as satisfying as watching your eyes light up and your smile bloom as you bite into them, praising him for his hard work. Even if Hoseok's feelings and actions are a little convoluted, he does mean well. You're his sunshine, the one person that manages to break through the dark clouds in his mind and he'll do whatever it takes to keep you by his side. 

🥀 JIMIN ➝ yandere type: self-indulgent, obsessive

Jimin spends most of the quiet hours at work fantasizing about you. It started innocent – Jimin was just so thrilled that he had found you that he couldn't help but imagine all of the ways he could reveal himself to you – but as time passed and nothing happened, those thoughts turned a little… dirtier. Jimin thought of all the ways he could show you just how long he's been waiting for you, yearning for you. He knows he can make you feel good, that he can make all of your dirtiest dreams come true, and if by satisfying your desires he also satisfies his own, well, that's just an added bonus. 

While Jimin may love to please you, he's also quite selfish. He doesn't hold back when there's something he wants and he doesn't mind pulling a few strings to get his way. Jimin needs you to pamper him; to tell him how much you like him and how much he means to you. It's the only thing that quells that needy voice in his head, the one that constantly thinks of you and only you.  So really, it doesn't take that much to make him happy. He preens under your attention, especially when you ignore the others to solely focus on him. Jimin loves to be touched and kissed, but nothing beats being intimate with you. It makes Jimin feel special, to be able to experience you like that, vulnerable and needy for only him. 

Due to the nature of his job, Jimin keeps a cool head most of the time. The one thing that will set him off, however, is you lying to him. Jimin can smell lies from a mile away, is trained to spot them, and yet you like you think that you can deceive him. Perhaps if it didn't upset him so, he would find the idea of it funny. Even if you may test his patience and temper sometimes, there's still nothing Jimin wouldn't do to keep you safe. He knows how to use his resources well, how to make it seem like someone never even existed. He's willing to do anything for you, his soulmate. 

🥀 TAEHYUNG ➝ yandere type: impulsive, delusional

Taehyung was raised on the belief that the universe would lead him to his soulmate. His family romanticized the soul-system, never doubting that fate would steer them in the direction they needed to go. Taehyung was the same, and those beliefs were only cemented in his mind when he finally met you. He only caught a glimpse of you that day in the coffee shop but it was enough to convince Taehyung that some part of your soul had recognized him too – and you were waiting for him to make a move. 

Using his programming skills, Taehyung easily hacked your phone. He wanted a way to feel close to you, to make sure he always knew where you went in case something happened. It didn't take long before it wasn't enough – before Taehyung had to start following you home after your classes, just to get a peek at your pretty face. The texts you sent your friends about feeling watched on the way home only fueled Taehyung's desire to do it more – it was definitely a code meant for him, a message that you knew he was there. 

The few times you do something that upsets Taehyung or he grows too impatient from holding himself back, his impulsive nature jumps out. There's really no telling what he'll do – Taehyung doesn't give his actions much forethought before carrying them out. One day he may send you bloody roses because you ignored him, the other he may plot to kidnap you because he's grown tired of waiting. Taehyung is a wild card and there's no limit to how far he's willing to go to keep you with him.  Taehyung's reality may not be the same as yours – he believes that you have liked him for much longer than you actually have – but it still makes his heart beat like crazy whenever you express your love for him. Being able to hold you in his arms is the most amazing feeling Taehyung has ever felt. You're his soulmate, his destiny, and nothing will ever drive you apart. Taehyung will make sure of that. 

🥀 YOONGI ➝ yandere type: obsessive, very mild overprotective

Yoongi might have believed that music was his first love, but it all pales in comparison to how he feels about you. He was used to spending most of his time dreaming up narratives and poetry that would flow well with his beats, working tirelessly to create the perfect track again and again. There were days Yoongi didn't even see the outside of his studio, but that all changed when he finally found you. He went from barely being home to leaving work on the dot, hurrying to his apartment in hopes that he might get a new update on you from Taehyung. 

Having a gentle disposition and good self-control, Yoongi is surprised to find how flustered he gets around you, his body suddenly reacting in ways it never has before. He finds that his thoughts keep straying to you constantly, dreaming of the dates he wants to take you on and how your relationship will evolve. All of the sad ballads he's supposed to write turn into bright pop songs whenever he thinks of your smile. He loves seeing you happy, watching your thrilled reaction as he lets you listen to his songs first, love confessions being whispered into your ears repeatedly. 

Yoongi knows that he sometimes gets a little overprotective of you. He never wants to hurt you, but if a small punishment can steer you over on the right path, then Yoongi is willing to look the other way. He cares about you more than anything else and so, he's really just acting in your best interest by making sure nothing bad will happen to you. Yoongi wouldn't hesitate to land a punch if he caught someone looking at you twice, but murder is out of the question for him. Luckily that's not something he needs to worry about, not when you have other soulmates who are more than willing to do that work for him. 

You're the best thing that has ever happened to him. Nothing beats seeing your smile, hearing your laugh, or watching your eyes light up as you let yourself be pulled into his arms. You're Yoongi's soulmate – his love – the only person who can turn his rainy days into endless summer. 

[efangamez]

Hey y'all! Here is Efan's quick rundown and review of almost all the cool games I played this year, as well as my Steam in Review!

1. Darkest Dungeon

I've been playing this game for nearly ten years, and I finally beat it this year. Not a 2023 release, but a huge milestone for myself. After a terrible year before it, I made it a goal to face my fears and beat this game. Lo' and behold, I did, and it's one of my own personal gaming accomplishments. It's solidified as the best turn based game I've ever played, but it does have its late-game issues, specifically with the Crimson Court maps and the final dungeon maps. It's just absurd tbh. However, this is one of my favorite games of all time, if not my favorite, and it's a must have for horror fans, HP Lovecrft fans, and turn based game fans. 9.7/10

2. Sun Haven

A wonderful and cute farming sim that scratched an itch no other could scratch. Its characters are fun, the music is solid, the graphics are very bright and fantastical, and the combat was simple yet kinda fun. I really loved the progression in this game too. It still has its issues, such as the late game (it may have been fixed because this game was in early access) and some of the utility of the workbenches you can use. All in all, a very solid farming sim (and just life sim in general tbh) if you like a little bit of fantasy mixed in. 9/10

3. Halls of Torment

My favorite Survivor game. The music, aesthetics, progression, characters, and maps are all different enough to keep you coming back for more. As I am disabled, these games are actually super fun to play because I only have to play with one hand. It was in early access when I played it heavily, so it had some issues like the handling of inventory, some balance issues, and feature creep issues, but they may have been fixed now. 9.3/10

4. Cassette Beasts

A must-play monster battler with an amazing plot, an incredible soundtrack, interesting monsters, and great characters for the most part. If you've been really wanting a game that is reminiscent of Pokemon colleseum but also want that 2d love of the Black and White games, this is a must have. It does have some balance issues (again, early access game when I played), but other than that and maybe some performance issues that are probably fixed by now, it was an incredible game that made me want a 2d Pokemon game more than ever. 9/10

5. Roboquest

A fantastic FPS roguelike game with great gunplay, movement, art direction, and music too. Each weapon feels pretty unique, it has melee weapons (wish there were more though) and a progression system that's really cool. It plays like if Doom Eternal had a kid with Borderlands, and I think plays a bit better than any other RANGED FPS roguelike/lite that I've played. I will say the difficulty settings are really cool, but I think they are a little too enticing due to game balance as of 1.0 due to progression being a bit of a grind. I think that having different endings for each difficulty might be a cool idea, each as satisfying as the other, but I know that can be a pain to develop. 9/10

6. Mortal Sin

A beautifully dark and trippy mostly melee FPS roguelike that takes the intensity of DOOM and the melee weapons of Elderborn and drenches it in a slow-mo filled, heavy swinging fun time. It's definitely the most FUN game this year as I've been craving an FPS melee roguelike for a while. It accomplishes this and then some with pretty cool progression that adds some variety to each game. The art direction reminds me of a more purple and red MORK BORG (fellow TTRPGers rejoice) and I LOVE it. The only issues to me are that the story and lore are a bit boring and lacking, but again it's in early access, so it has time to cook. 9.5/10

7. And last, my game of the year, LUNACID by @stylishkira

What a gorgeous game all around. The music has probably the most atmosphere out of any indie game I've played outside of Darkest Dungeon. Its levelling system is accessible but fun, you can create your own character with their own name and profile picture which I think is SO cool (Mortal Sin should totally do this if it's not too much of a copy). The combat is really fun and the sound design is probably second, once again, to Darkest Dungeon. It was an absolutely magical experience playing this game, and an experience I don't think I'll ever forget. I do think, however, that the ending feels really really rushed, and that sullied my experience a little bit, and the bosses are pretty unbalanced because you can just spam all of your health potions and tank the bosses, but the experience leading up to the ending is amazing. Also, I know the true ending is purposely a little complex, but tbh, if the goal was to have the "true" endings similar to the Souls games, having the final climactic boss (which I won't spoil, but is really cool) be the core of the normal ending, paired with alternate endings WITH that really cool final boss I think, might make the experience a bit more satisfying. It's already kinda implemented, but I loved this game so much that the standard ending just kinda felt....empty. Don't let these critiques stop you from playing this game, however. It's one of my favorites of all time, and I only give these critiques because I love this game so much. This is a MUST PLAY, and for the price, it's an absolute steal and should be priced up, imo. I cannot wait to see where the direction of possible King's Field style games come, because I am THIRSTY for more! 9.6/10

Annnddddddd that's it! Some great other games I played this year were the Demon Souls remake (9.2/10) Shadow of the Colossus (9.3/10), and Bloodborne (for probably the 30th time, and that's no joke, 9.8/10), and Quake (9.8/10).

[seriousbrat]

it’s so interesting to see how the interpretation of teen (boy) behavior in books has changed since they were written. it’s mostly for the better, but i think it does cause some people to refuse to engage in good faith with the source material, or on its own terms. i’ve loved hp since i was a kid, but i had never interacted at all with the fan side of things until maybe a year ago, and it was very odd (on the whole — which is why i’ve mostly just stuck to a handful of blogs with great fics and meta, like yours) to see how a lot of the text is taken now, compared to how my friends and i understood it at the time. i think its totally fair — and good, on a cultural level — to point out that the boy who pulls your pigtails isn’t being cute, and your male friend being in love with you doesn’t mean you owe him anything. but it’s also like … kind of intentionally closing the eyes to how these parts of the story are meant to come across? and i am not coming in here as some kind of “boys will be boys” person, but teenagers are messy in their relationships and their friendships, and more relevantly, it’s very clear what types of dynamics are being presented by the text. and it can be fun to pick apart what kinds of narratives are meant to be taken as romantic in different stories written in different times/places and why, but to look at the story on a story level you’ve got to also work with what it gives you.

Yes I think you make a very good point! I agree and personally I think both Snape and James would be written slightly differently if they were written today. Also, imo there's an element of wishful thinking coupled with naivety (and this has always existed tbf) when people who haven't ever been cis teenage boys try to write cis teenage boys haha. Like the 'closing of eyes' isn't always intentional. I know I keep going on about the Inbetweeners but I literally think watching that as a teen myself gave me an insight that I can never take back about what teenage boys are like haha.

Like this isn't to say that teenage boys are all exactly alike, or that there's some inherent, natural difference between boys and girls in terms of mentality or personality, but there is a social difference, generally speaking, a constructed one that happens because boys and girls are raised and socialised in a patriarchy. It's obviously not universal at all, and that's not even accounting for trans kids and the complexities they face, because even among cis boys and girls or men and women there's endless variety, and gender absolutely does not determine personality, interests, etc. Unfortunately it does influence them, though, that's our reality.

In terms of fiction, especially fanfic, obv one is free to do as they please. But there is such a thing as narrative voice, which can be an important thing to consider. Again when it comes to fanfiction it Does Not Matter that much, it's for fun, but in published fiction (or if you care about quality ig) it just is something you should consider. This is where the 'Men Writing Women' thing comes in, where you read something so obviously written by a man who doesn't understand how women (generally) think or speak or act at all. And in our patriarchal society such usually ends up being offensive and has often been overlooked and accepted when it shouldn't be. I don't think it's helpful to pretend men can't write women either, since plenty of male authors write female characters beautifully and the rest shouldn't be let off the hook. If you can't write women, skill issue and you shouldn't be published.

Anyway it's vastly more forgivable and understandable, and it pains me to say it but I think you can sometimes tell when it's a woman writing a man or a boy too. I will say on the whole I think women are better at writing men than the reverse haha, probably because we've been socialised to empathise with men whereas boys are not taught (by society) to empathise with women. Maybe women even empathise a little too much tbh. Maybe that's the problem, like we subconsciously over-project our ideals onto male characters, making them too nice, too woke, too cuddly, too sweet, because that's what we want to see, and leaving out the nastier elements that are so common. Again, that's not necessarily a problem!! Only if you're trying to create a realistic, effective portrayal of a certain (average) type of teenage boy-- which you don't have to do. I'd raise my eyebrows at an unrealistic portrayal much more in published fiction than fanfiction personally.

And ofc you can always choose to write a character who diverges from the accepted norm, but to do so effectively has to be a deliberate choice and done thoughtfully. For a boy like James, who is very average, the norm, he's decent enough but no Woke Feminist King haha. He's not meant to be.

Anyway, I think that's why the Marauders et al (including Death Eaters lol) are nowadays often portrayed like sweet little babies who all cuddle and take care of each other and respect women LOL. Like whatever, it's escapism haha, it's understandable. But sometimes I do think a lot of these people have never really interacted with many gay men or know what their culture is like. lmao. straight men maybe, but in a limited way. if you've ever had the misfortune to be with a group of cishet men who are talking freely with each other you'll know what I mean. again this is GENERAL. and socially constructed, not inherent. but very common nevertheless.

[magixfairyix]

Trailer Analysis

"Analysis" as if I know what I'm talking about.

Basically, it's me droning on and on cause its fun.

°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

0:03

Bloom looks so cute on her bike ngl! Also love her outfit and the bike.

Also, the canal she's biking past looks cool. So yay, fun scenery.

0:08

Knut's design is pretty cool! He's still giving Knut for me somehow, even though he does look a lot different. I do hope we get to see a tiny bit of his personality.

Also, the scars on him! Yes!

(I gave him scars in my rewrite that he got from the Trix, cause evil villains. I'm just going to pretend that's why he has them. Let me be delusional XD).

0:14

Kinda wish Bloom's pink top over the mesh one was yellow, but eh, she can be a pink girlie. She still slays.

0:17

The stars on her pants remind me of the hearts in her season 3 top. OH WAIT! There were also stars on her season 1 pants.

0:21

The fire looks badass.

0:28

STELLA LOOKS SO PRETTY! Like, just her hair even is so beautiful!

Don't mind her sceptre. No big feelings on that, but glad she has it.

The outfits slay! Stella's back in orange!

I just love this frame. Stella and Flora look amazing.

"We're here for you," they say, and Bloom mentally being like:

'Am I getting kidnapped?'

0:32

Alfea is gorgeous! I kind of like it a bit more than the original (sculpted the original years ago, so this one is going to be a pain to sculpt, but aNyWaYs).

0:33

Glad to see crop tops returning.

Also, that blurry image of the girl with bleached blonde hair and black clothing slays. Don't know who she is but her outfit slays hard.

Also different fashion styles. Some people are wearing dresses, some crop tops and pants, etc.

0:35

That random fairy's fairy form is so pretty.

Also... THE GATES (I think they're the gates or a smaller gate to a field) are shiny and pretty and yes!

0:36

The library kind of reminds me of the library in Magic Guardians/Fairy Guardians (on Roblox). It looks gorgeous!

0:38

Flora's jacket is a NEED. It's pretty!

Also, love her accent.

0:42

Opinions on the Winx's designs, cause I never thought about this.

Tecna: 6/10. Pretty good. No strong opinion.

Aisha: 7.5/10. It really fits her.

Stella: 9/10. LOVE.

Musa: 8/10. Not perfect but I still like it a lot.

Flora: 8.5/10. Slays.

0:46

Hiking outfits/swamp outfits look so nice! Glad we'll see them in the swamp outfits again, so maybe it'll be a similar occasion to what was in ep 4 of season 1.

0:49

I'm guessing this is back in Gardenia. This doesn't look like the type of school gym Alfea would have.

So Bloom might go back to Gardenia after finding out she has magic, as she arrives in the gym out of a portal. A dark-looking one at that so...

An evil thing behind that, maybe?

0:50

THE TRIX YES MY DAY HAS BEEN BLESSED.

Okay, reeling in the gay panic. The portal they're walking out of looks pretty much identical to the one Bloom arrived in the school gym out of, so maybe the Trix are behind Bloom going there.

Icy: She's gorgeous. Nothing to say. Her initial fits so much into her hanging jewelry, and I love all the little shinies. Her hair is also so nice.

(Fuck I'm gay)

Stormy: Her dress and the design of it are SO good. The shape of it and the corset (I think) just slays!

I'm not a gold girlie except twice a month, so I'm biased as hell, but I feel like her jewelry would have looked better in silver or a grey pink. Icy's jewelry is more light blue than silver, while Darcy's is silver with a purple sheen (I think).

Maybe even a rose gold.

Darcy: AHH she pretty. Love her jewellery. I don't love her design as much as the others, but with seeing the pants as well I think I'll like it better. Her highlights seem really thick and I think they'd look a bit bitter thinner, but don't despise it.

(Also the Trix's evil laugh, like, have mercy on my gay soul)

0:52

Stella's sceptre slays. She looks like a badass.

0:55

Faragonda looks really good. I might even like her a bit more than the 2d, but more so on the same level.

0:57

The specialists are back!

Sky looks like he has a hairstyle more like in season 5. Just a helmet of hair, but then again, it's a blurry image.

0:58

Brandon looks pretty good!

Also (I think that's Riven) is here. But can't see much with the image and how he's tiny.

0:58

THE TRIX ARE SLAYING AGAIN.

Icy has her cape back!

OKAY! We can see Darcy's full outfit (a bit blurry but anyways).

Love her bellbottom pants and her outfit does look better when the full thing is visible. Her hair also looks better in this angle and a bit more natural.

Stormy has BOOTS. Also, her pink tights return.

Icy's ice attack looks amazing. I love how it looks.

1:09

Ahhh love this scene. Glad its in the reboot.

Also love the dragons on Bloom's jeans.

°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

All in all, I'm exited for this reboot and I think it'll be really good!

2025 here we come!

[squeaksinc]

2023 creative year in review! 💦💦

The most stand-out thing to mention was this was arguably my most active and productive cosplay year...maybe ever? its incredibly uncommon that I can handmake 9 costumes in a year, but on top of that, 7 of the 9 were also custom designs, which is pretty wild.

costume-wise, i learned a stupid amount of skills and really pushed what i was comfortable with. IMO the best from the year are the collector, knives, pupet, and nekomancer at least just from a craftsmanship perspective. I try not to brag or be an ass, but I am genuinely very proud of those. they posed fun creative challenges that kept me engaged, and I'm happy with how they turned out!

the other side of the coin is although last year was my most dormant cosplay year, other crafts were super active....and the reverse happened this year _(:3」∠)_ i didnt really draw much at all other than making cosplay designs, and other physical media didnt get much time to shine either. I made some plushies, but they were lackluster, and I think I made maybe one unfinished figure lol. but I did try BJD making and loved it!! I made 4 this year and have plans to do more haha.

thats the upbeat overview, the readmore is going to be a more negative perspective so proceed with caution haha.

More than anything I wish i had more time to do art and build up Stitch in The Ditch/more OC work, but honestly this year was also objectively insane in the non-creative front. like i hit the worst patch of chronic pain i've ever had/found out my abdominals have been ripping themselves apart and bleeding for the past 10 years lol/had to go to the hospital like THREE!!!! goddamn times and now i'm dealing with the news i'm going to need abdominal surgery, got a teaching promotion/award, got my physics masters, utterly INSANE family happenings, had gastroparesis for 2 months and couldnt eat more than 200 cal a day in that time which caused all my blood levels to crash and i'm still reeling from it, and of course, have just been Cashually working goddamn 60-80 hours a week in an experimental physics lab in the background during all of this which is driving me to the point of madness- suffice to say i hit my limit like months ago lmao.

like looking back i know i should be happy and proud i did so much but i cant help but feel disappointed and wishing i had done better quality stuff. honestly, i know i goof about how hard work is, but its really really getting to me. i've always been happy with my ability to juggle so many things and preserve my ability to have a cool job, make cool things, and independently take care of myself, but work is month-by-month morphing into more of a monster thats just been suffocating everything else out. I really dont know what next year will look like, as i've been wearing thinner and thinner i'm noticing a trend where I just dont have the energy that I used to to do anything outside of my job.

I bring this up because on paper I should be happy with what I made, but I still feel like im in a stand-still. I made a lot of costumes, but tbh they were low quality/lackluster. like the number went up, but the quality didnt and I couldnt do much of any other art things. I couldve, and shoulve, been able to make much better work this year than I did, but it didnt happen as a combo of being snuffed out by my job physically and mentally.

in 2023 I got a head start/built up momentum from the beginning of the year that carried me through when things got insane in spring/summer/currently, but I'm already starting 2024 from a low point. yall. im so tired. im so goddamn tired. like its funny to goof about how much I do but its catching up fast and i think this is going to be the year when I just cant keep up anymore. Its hard to talk about since the "being crushed to death by your job" topic isnt one people want to engage with, and unless you're experiencing it first hand its hard to understand what living like that really means.

for 2024, i know theres no way I will be able to match this same number of costumes, but my goal is no matter what I want to start making things that are more solid on a construction level. fewer projects, more polish. also doing more non-cosplay stuff like world building and dolls would also be awesome. will that happen??? lord only knows. honestly usually these predictions/goals go haywire but this is also more of a response to external things outside of my control so ???? ??????? we'll see lads

[dreamsy990]

ok so i finished bbs so time for thoughts!!!!

god this game has. issues. its my least favorite so far and im not saying its BAD im just saying it could be. better

i realize i was supposed to play terra > ven > aqua but i went in order of who i was least excited about to most so i did terra > aqua > ven. also i was super underlevel as terra and aqua so when i got to ven i grinded to level 10 the moment i was able to and then breezed through the whole game

i dont wanna say that i think the game should be shorter but i do think that its not very enjoyable for like 80% of the runtime. like i think most the worlds are boring idk. im not a very big disney person but usually the worlds are pretty interesting but this time around it simply Did not hit and i think it couldve been better? idk man. a few worlds were really good like all of hollow bastion as ven is super fun like i love seeing the org cast theyre just endlessly fun. seeing ansem tw in the ending did make me very angry though i hate that guy

this whole game is a downer and i knew that going in but still like. holy shit its depressing.

i love the main trio they are such a fucked up family i love their dynamic its honestly the best part of the game. also vanitas is a joy but also he is a total fucking wimp i could beat him up in real life. also fuck terranort! that about sums up my thoughts

hate the command system id honestly rather be doing coms card game at least that required some level of thought. i hate how the game can just rip the command i just made right out of my hands that is SO rude. also ima be real i still dont know how to play command board i never read the rules

honestly the game isnt that fun i didnt really enjoy it it kinda felt like a chore to play a lot of the time. i tend to be chronically underlevel in games and tgis is the game where i felt it the hardest so every once and a while i had to just set aside a couple hours to grind and like. i enjoy a challenge so i dont mind being underlevel but this was just painful i simple Could Not. also FUCK terra if i ever have to play as him again ill throw up and die.

the opening is my second favorite so far and the story is pretty good when i know whats going on

decent game. 6.9/10 if they axed the whole command system id give it a 7.5. i think it works better in concept than in execution and replaying the exact same worlds 3 times over gets stale pretty quickly. i wish they cut out some worlds as other characters like you cannot tell me deep space ventus was necessary. solid game though

[rallamajoop]

Theme, character, and a few more thoughts on the RE4 Remake

So, having played the Resident Evil 4 remake, I had a ton of fun – but in the end, I think it worked better for me when they remade this game as Resident Evil Village instead.

As every gaming outlet on the net has already told you, there’s a lot to recommend this title. The gameplay is terrific, new!Leon is still stupidly endearing to me, and there are so many little details in his character animation that I love to bits (seriously, he and Ashley actually managed to make me feel guilty about making them run back through the pouring rain hunting that one treasure on the map I’d missed – it’s that good).

But story-wise, I can only wish they’d had the guts to remake this thing a little harder. And while I have sunk a truly stupid number of hours into getting every achievement in RE8, RE4 seems to have tailored its own post-game ecosystem specifically to turn me away. And that's just a little disappointing.

The full RE4 experience is roughly twice as long as Village, but it feels like it has about half the actual plot. Most of what happens once you leave the village area feels like padding, the game spinning its wheels to fill in time. The lore makes less sense the more I try to get my head around it. Parts like Ada’s role feel so unfinished I can only hope there’s more coming in DLC. And despite token attempts to link events thematically to RE2, the result probably works better if you haven’t actually played the RE2 remake lately.

And while you can always say, “C’mon, it’s RE4! No-one remembers that game for the plot!” I’m left going, well, sure, but they remade Leon’s story in RE2 so well! And everything that left me wanting here was stuff they did just as well in RE8 – which was already basically a stealth remake of RE4. Was it so unreasonable to hope they could pull off the same here?

But enough hand waving. Let’s talk specifics. I’ve already talked Luis. So it’s time to talk Leon and Ashley.

I have so many mixed feelings about RE4-remake!Leon. So many.

In so many ways, he just works. He’s not the same Leon of RE2, but he’s changed in ways that make sense given several years of special ops training. He's taken several levels in badass and he's a lot more jaded, but at heart, he’s still a sweetheart who does this work because he wants to help people. And yet people who know him still call him ‘rookie’, still insinuate he hasn’t changed, and it’d be nice if that was something the game was more interested in exploring.

But while RE2 was inarguably the biggest day of his life to date, RE4 ultimately feels like just another day at the office for new!Leon: beat the bad guy, save the girl, fail to figure out what the fuck Ada’s deal is, go home. Nothing that happens to him in RE4 feels personal. Everything that’s changed him between RE2 and here has already happened, off-screen, and I can’t help but wish we were telling one of those stories instead.

It's not for lack of trying. RE4 opens on a heck of a thesis-statement about Leon: what he’s been through since RE2, hints of conflict with his current employer (“I was ‘asked’ later to join a top-secret government program. Not that I had a choice. The training, the punishing missions, almost killed me.”) There’s also one hell of a mission-statement about his feelings on the Raccoon City incident: “If I could just forget what happened that night, the pain, even for a second, this time, it can be different.”

That’s great as an opener! First question: different how?

What difference here is worth celebrating? This time Ada got away, blatantly alive and with the prize in hand, not even pretending she wasn’t using you? This time you got to save the little-infected-blonde-girl (who-was-only-involved-because-of-her-parents’-career-choices) yourself, instead of Claire doing all the real work? This time you rode out the explosion with only one other survivor for company instead of two? You still saw more people die than you saved! You still left a whole infected-and-dying population behind when you left! Seriously, what’s supposed to be different here?

The game seems to want us to believe that saving Ashley is enough to make it "different." On my second playthrough, I even caught Leon repeating that line, ‘it has to be different this time!’ as he carries her into Luis’ lab. But this doesn’t land for me, because – again – Leon got out of Raccoon City with Claire and Sherry. Claire didn’t need a whole lot of rescuing (much as I gripe about her story, she objectively achieved a whole lot more than Leon did), but she certainly appreciated his help. RE4 even shows us a shot of them all walking off into the sunrise together in its Raccoon City flashback.

The lore surrounding this franchise suggests that post RE2, Leon becomes almost family to Sherry ‒ you'd really think she'd count. I’m sure there’s an angle you can find somewhere where Leon would feel like saving Ashley is ‘different’ enough ‒ guilt isn’t a highly logical emotion ‒ but it’s really not coming through for me. And that makes the game's whole thesis statement feel awfully hollow.

Some other token thematic attempts are made: on the boat with Ada, Leon says, “you try to save one person, you get a hundred more killed.” Well, in the process of saving Ashley, they got Luis, Mike, and both those Spanish cops from the opening sequence killed. Saddler and his cult do get wiped out in a way more definitive way than Umbrella did in RE2 ‒ and that surely saves more lives in the long run than saving just Ashley ever could ‒ but that doesn’t seem to be what "has to be different" is going for. This is a lot like my issues with how Jill’s PTSD was dealt with in RE3 – we’re just vaguely waving at a past conflict as a way to lend nebulous weight to the present, and hoping the audience will fill in the blanks without further prompting. This is not how successful theming works!

Really, what makes this so disappointing to me is that it’s not like Capcom has never done PTSD-backstory well. See, as exhibit A: Resident Evil 8. Game opens with multiple reminders that Ethan is still dealing with trauma from RE7, the feeling that he ‘never really left the Baker’s basement’ – and as the story progresses, we learn that in a very real sense, he never did.

The reveal is the answer to a mystery that's been teased repeatedly since RE7, and coming to terms with it is a vital part of Ethan’s character arc. Though plenty is still left to the audience’s imagination, the pieces are all there. Ethan’s no longer in denial about how much his experience has changed him, but what matters to him hasn’t changed. If he’d come out of the Baker’s basement still human, he’d never have survived long enough to save Rose ‒ hell, there'd have been no Rose at all. There’s no going home again for Ethan, but he’s at peace with that. It’s really that simple: give us specifics, and specifics that make sense.

Ultimately, I think trying to frame RE4 as RE2-but-different was a mistake. The original RE4 wasn’t conceived that way, and the remake hasn’t been remade hard enough to make it so.

That doesn’t mean there’s no Leon-centric thematic material to explore. That opening also sets out a wealth of great potential surrounding Leon’s ‘not that I had a choice’ position. Build on the conflict between the Leon who’s out here trying to save a girl’s life, vs the Leon who’s out here trying to protect US political interests. Play with the idea that he’s still being used by the US, just as Ada was using him back in RE2! Let the enemies point out that Leon is as much a puppet of the US administration as the ganados are puppets of Saddler! Fucking do something with Krauser: one of the very same people who put Leon through all that ‘training that almost killed him’ has turned around and decided that their job is a sucker’s bet ‒ that should be a thematic goldmine! And then let Leon turn around and tell them all to go to hell. It’s all right there, c’mon!

The game toys with the question of whether Leon’s changed since RE2 – Krauser says he hasn’t, Ada says he hasn’t – heck, even Luis’ final words, a guy can change, right? are poking around the edges of similar themes. Leon’s problem back in RE2 was never a failure to save people, it’s getting too caught up in other people’s power plays to make any real difference himself. Is that still true here? It's really not clear.

Similarly, it’s so easy to imagine Leon was chosen for the job in RE4 because he’s got such a hero-complex he’s obviously going to work hardest to keep Ashley safe – because no, Leon may have taken a dozen levels in badass, but at his core, he hasn’t changed. But I’m pretty sure he’s going to be okay with that, just as long as he’s changed enough to be able to get the job done.

And think how much more it should give Leon and Ashley to bond over too, when… oh, right. Time to talk about Ashley.

The general buzz about remake!Ashley has been overwhelmingly positive. She’s so much better than the infamously-annoying original!Ashley, she feels like a real person now, people legitimately care about protecting her, and so on. And I sure as hell don’t want to tell anyone they shouldn’t like new-Ashley. She’s not annoying. I didn’t dislike her as a character. But the longer I spent with her in this game (and you spend more time with her than another other non-Leon character), the less she felt like an actual person to me, and the more glaring it was just how little I knew about her.

Here’s what we do learn about Ashley. She’s a college student, apparently 20 years old (she doesn’t really look that old, but what the hell, there are 20yos who look like Ashley, let’s not get stuck on this one). Her father is the president of the United States. She develops quite the crush on Leon over the course of the game (and who can blame her?) Leon handles this as deftly as you could ask for under the circumstances – he doesn’t want to lead her on, but he also doesn’t want to shut her down any harder than he has to. Ashley is understandably terrified, but coping with it with enough composure to keep her head most of the time, and the one time she does freak out and run off, it leads to one of my favourite scenes in the game – where Leon comforts her, and gets to show his gentler side.

Over the course of the game, she gains a certain level of confidence – in herself, and in Leon’s ability to protect her. All that talk about being his partner and wanting to become an agent like him is probably just her crush showing, but again, Leon treads a careful line to validate her as much as possible without ever really saying yes.

And this is all fine, but nothing really changes in Leon’s feelings about Ashley as they spend more time together. He’s 100% there to protect her before they met, and after spending all that time with her, sure, same deal. That’s his job. Nor does Ashley herself really get to change much. In her early chapters, she's already capable of smashing a window to save Leon from a burning building. By the end, she's... still completely helpless to save herself without him. Nothing really pays off.

Alright, now let me tell you about Ashley.

Ashley is a fucking political prisoner, a pawn to people who see her only as a means to an end, and yet the notion she’s in a situation any bigger than herself never enters the picture. At an age when a girl should be earning some independence, she’s going to be officially pigeonholed as her father’s daughter in the minds of the entire world. For four to eight years of the past and/or future, she’s going to be one of the most important and over-protected people on the planet. And yet, within the last day or two, all that security failed. People she and her father trusted – heck, that the whole US government administration trusted – betrayed them. She’s been kidnapped out of the blue, presumably bundled into a plane and flown across the world to some hick-village in rural Spain.

Surely Ashley should have some kind of opinion on all that, right?

There are all sorts of plausible reactions someone might have to this kind of situation. She could blame herself for not taking security more seriously. She could blame her security team for letting her down; her dad for putting her in this position, the possibilities go on. The game does vaguely wave in the direction of Ashley having (reasonable) trust issues when Leon first appears, given she attacks him with a candlestick and runs off, but then she, well, sees some ganados out the window, and everything is forgotten? It’s all over very quickly. Her only opinion on her situation is that she doesn't want to be taken over by a parasite. Such character!

Later in the game, we discover that Krauser was personally involved in her abduction. Ashley never gets to have an opinion on this. Did she know Krauser personally, or was he just pulling strings from a distance? Wouldn’t she have questions for Leon about his relationship with Krauser? Wouldn’t this have been a great opportunity to expand on Leon’s barely-a-footnote history with Krauser and that whole messed up political conspiracy ‒ even to talk about why Leon was trusted enough to be sent on this mission alone? Well, too bad – we’re on the back foot of the Ashley-two-step throughout both Krauser’s appearances, so Ashley’s not around. And Krauser’s own motivations are apparently no more complicated than "wants to be more macho than everyone else." What a damn waste.

Beyond the initial section set in the village itself, it’s disappointing how much of the plot of RE4 basically comes down to: Ashley gets captured, Leon rescues her, rinse and repeat. There are variations, sure (Ashley freaks out and runs off, Leon has to find her, Leon gets trapped, Ashley has to free him) – but the overall pattern gets pretty monotonous. Ashley frees Leon, then immediately gets captured. Leon tries to rescue her, but fails, and is thrown down a hole. Leon almost catches up with Ashley, but she’s being moved to the island. Leon finds Ashley on the island and rescues her, finally! Ashley swiftly gets captured again. Leon rescues her, again. But don’t you dare let Ashley get carried off by one of those goons out of sequence, that’s an insta-fail state. What, you think this is a situation where the bad guys can just carry Ashley away with impunity? Ha.

This is what I really mean when I say it feels like this game is just spinning its wheels for so much of its runtime. There is some additional plot surrounding Luis to break things up a bit, and a few allusions to the idea Ada’s up to something, somewhere, with a grand total of 4 named boss-villains popping up to monologue and/or fight you. But they're all kept pretty rigorously segregated from one another, like cast members who will no longer appear in the same scenes for contractual reasons. 'Wants power' or 'is under mind control' is as complex as the villainous motivations get.

The villains of RE2, 7 and 8 all had their own relationships, conflicts and internal power struggles, all presented for you in cutscenes and dialogue, and the result created some of the most memorable characters of the whole franchise. In RE4, you're lucky if you glimpse a vague hint of history in a document somewhere. C’mon, game, you’ve put Sargent Rambo and Midget Napoleon on the same team, and I don’t even get to see how much they must hate each other? That’s just not fair!

Ada’s role in this game feels like such a missed opportunity too. The final note she and Leon end on in RE2 could have gone in so many directions (how much did she genuinely care about him? Was she just bluffing by lowering her gun?) if they’d only had the sense to play into it. But RE4 seems to have picked up the tune a few verses earlier, back at ‘Ada’s evil and using Leon without a care’, and just keeps on repeating that until the scene fades out. Leon gets no answers. Maybe Ada sees him as slightly more than a useful tool, but who’d know? Ada’s just… there. Remember Ada? She’s a thing that happens to Leon sometimes.

But there was still the potential to do so much more. Tell me more about Ashley, to begin with! What’s her relationship with her father like? What’s she studying at uni? How well did she know her security team? Does she even know what country she’s in? Let her and Leon bond over their positions as human pawns in political schemes so much bigger than them as people. Let someone wonder if it’s better Ashley dies than comes home infected. Let the goal of saving-Ashley come into conflict with the goal of defeating-Saddler! Let Leon question his superiors' priorities! It's all right there to play with, I promise you!

Heck, let Hunnigan (or some other official voice in Leon’s earpiece) disagree with him at some point. Delve deeper into the scale and implications of Krauser’s betrayal! Contrast him with Luis – they’re on virtually opposite tracks as people who’ve switched sides, but they’ve both made more meaningful decisions about who to work for than Leon ever has. Let me feel all the different interests at conflict here – between Luis, Ada, the US government, Krauser’s rebellion, and Saddler’s cult, there should be enough of them. Let Leon question what he’s doing there – saving one girl or saving the whole US administration, but ultimately just saving one girl. And if you still want to tie it to RE2, it doesn’t have to be about it being different, it can be about Leon feeling like he’s made a difference this time. There’s got to be something you can find here that’ll resonate.

Going by the general reception to the game, these don’t seem to be issues that have bothered the masses. Given how revered RE4 is in gaming history, I can well believe there was real resistance at Capcom HQ about to trying to rework it more than a relative minimum, without trying to build any real thematic weight into what originally worked as a fairly cartoony rescue-the-princess caper. It’s still got great gameplay and some lovely character moments – I wouldn’t dream of debating that. But as a whole, RE4 felt thematically empty in a way I didn’t get from RE’s 7, 8 or Leon’s story from the remake of 2. If anything, it reminded me more of my problems with RE3 or Claire’s story in 2 – there are ideas here, but what they add up to is less than the sum of its parts. And that’s a disappointing feeling to come away with.

The remake still has a lot going for it. But remade a little harder, I can’t help but feel it could’ve been so much more.

[matoitech]

What are your top-3 werewolf tropes (popular or obscure) or things you wish to see more in stories about/with werewolves?

ooo rly interesting question and surprisingly tough for me to answer.. i think 'tropes i hate' are probably easier to identify LOL but for some tropes i like hmmm:

i tend to enjoy werewolf transformations however it goes in that universe's werewolf lore, whether its painful and bone breaky and screamy or painful but feels good afterward or magical and painless or whatever, i think theyre all cool and they can all say a lot abt how u want ur werewolves to be viewed and what ur trying to say w them. i think my personal favorite is like, there is some level of pain but more than anything its a RELIEF to get to shift so its worth the pain. theres lots of things in life like that and growing up i could relate a lot to feeling like i was ready to burst out of my 'shell' as in body into who i REALLY was. on multiple levels lol

pack as being a better version of family was a huge one for me as a kid. i didnt have a good home life or childhood so i dreamed of finding out i was a werewolf and getting to run away and live in the woods as a wolf with a group of ppl that loved me, that was better than 'family' and meant more. tho it should also be stated this was more like a fantasy scenario for KID me; as an adult i love political dramas in fiction so complicated pack politics seem really fun to write now. i still wrote them to an extent when i was younger into my werewolf stories too but more than anything i had the dream of it being like a total freedom and actually getting to be loved as who you really were thing. i also like werewolf universes where they DONT rly have either packs of groups that function as packs, whatever works for the narrative and lore the best, but i loved the whole pack thing a lot growing up

i love werewolves being able to be used to represent so many things.. this isnt rly a trope in particular but i love the expressiveness and creativity and originality and fluidity their stories can have and i think its rly cool how many ppl can be compelled by them and attracted to the potential in these stories. theres so MUCH you can do w them that goes incredibly underutilized. if i wanted to always write a different way of looking at or approaching or relating real human experiences to werewolves, or even just slightly different ways the werewolves function (and you have so many different KINDS of werewolves; dif levels of animal and human mind combo as a four legged wolf, furry anthro werewolves, beast werewolves, etc) i would never run out of material or alternative ideas. thereis so much that can make a werewolf story a werewolf story and a werewolf a werewolf. theres so many personal reasons ive always loved and felt connected to them. this is partly getting into the 'what id love to see' thing, but just HUGE massive potential in writing abt stuff like disability for example that u just never see. werewolves r smth ive always rly deeply loved a lot and been fascinated with and i think it shows in how like Personal me talking abt werewolves tends to get lol. this wasnt rly a trope but im counting it

for more things i want more in werewolf stories.. lots of stuff specific and niche to me personally lol, but i want them to stop being so goddamn cisgender i think werewolf stories r one of those things where the way gender is handled is so unneccessarily bad SO much of the time for no reason i can see. i guess ppl want to be '''realistic''' to animals but gender does Not work like that for animals so theyre just being annoying for no reason. theres a lot of gender essentialism in a lot of werewolf stuff? which is incredibly grating. and obviusly shitty

anyway as a dif thing one of my biggest qualms w werewolf stories is that i rly dislike the incorrect 'alpha' dynamics + crazy aggression of the pack members against each other like werewolves r Biologically Evil thing that shows up a lot in werewolf stories by ppl who dont know anything abt wolves or wolf pack dynamics, or just dont care i guess. i dont care abt 'alpha/omega' shit at all i never write that kinda stuff. so i want more things that Dont use that. lol

id love to see more werewolves who Like being werewolves lol. being realistic abt like the pros and the cons here but there is NO reason why there r so few stories abt werewolves who actually like being werewolves or at least like some aspects of it. theres not enough furries writing these things i guess. oh i forgot to mention i like never think of lycanthropy as a 'curse' unless im writing it For A Reason. other characters viewing it as a curse while the werewolf doesnt, thats another story. i think its just boring and too like horror werewolf tropey to me. being able to turn into a wolf man is not a curse what the hell thats like the coolest power ever. i see ppl complaining abt how werewolves r 'too happy to just realize they have cool powers and start killing ppl they dont like for fun, i want to see them be SAD abt it' but i dont actualy see the 'enjoying murdering for fun' a lot in media so idk what theyre talking abt. i guess horror, maybe, where the werewolves r the villains? i see way more of them moping abt how hard it is to be cursed to be a furry. bite ME then if you hate it so much

i could keep going but i am gonna cut myself off now lol, tysm for asking! i could say lots more but its 2 am lol

[penguicorns-are-cool]

Wish reaction (yes spoilers)

So first of all, it's really not bad like idk what y'all were talking about. Like compared to all the good Disney movies, it's pretty mid, but it's still a good movie. They fumbled the story structure a bit, the message is about as strong and clear cut as you'd expect from a children's movie, the songs are kind of mid and while they're very good they just miss the mark, and the comedic timing is kind of shit honestly, but it's still a good movie that's enjoyable to watch and will be fan-theory fuel for a very long time

it's still really good, very anti-authoritarian too, like so very anti-authoritarian

now for the spoilers stuff

It starts with the storybook opening which I don't think fits super well and is starting to get a bit overused in my opinion but it fit well enough and was fun so whatever. It was a good way to establish the level of suspension of disbelief we should have for this film and it does its job so whatever

That exposition song though was amazing and I love it so much omg

also how Asha starts the tour with "Hola, Shalom, and Salaam" like yes 1300s kingdoms in the Iberian Peninsula would have Hebrew Arabic and Spanish speakers. And how Asha refers to her Grandpa as Saba. Honestly tho I'm not sure if that's just his name or what cause literally everyone calls him that. Points if that's not his actual name tho. Also just a moment to appreciate the diversity of the main band of characters. Those characters are from all over Afroeurasia. And if anyone tries to argue that it's unrealistic you can just point to the silk road. And also the main supporting character is disabled and uses a crutch.

Then we go on to the interview and some appreciation for this song please

And also how when they're singing it Magnifico is controlling the wishes and moving them around while Asha is looking at her Saba's wish and it really shows the difference in the two of them. Magnifico wants to protect his power at all costs while Asha wants to protect her Saba. and omg what a way to subtly show Magnifico's corruption and greed for power. Then when Magnifico has his first mini tantrum about Asha asking him to grant Saba's wish and if he won't grant it will he at least give it back. I think that Asha should've sat with this new information for a bit longer before realizing how bad this was but then we wouldn't have seen Magnifico being a manipulative child about it and it was completely in character for Magnifico to do that which would also make Asha realize how bad it was faster. So like, it messed up the pacing a bit I think but whatever.

that dinner with Saba and Mom was amazing. the denial from Saba and the uncomfortableness of the whole scene and Asha's pain at the whole thing. great scene and it's followed by this song that's just amazing. only critique about it is that at the end when she's singing "to have something more for us than this" for some reason the "this" is like spoken and I think that was a weird choice (derogatory)

And the wish scene was great with the tree that she and her father would sit on, next part though I'm not such a huge fan of. There's the whole thing with her Dad was a philosopher who talked about the stars and later there's like a throwaway line that he believed everyone was made of stars. And I love that actually that whole idea and it has such huge implications for how magic works in every single Disney movie that I will talk about later. but it was so poorly included in this movie. Like all we get are a few throwaway lines about it and the "I'm a Star" song which is honestly kind of mid and is super forced in. As much as I love the idea, I think the movie would've been better if they didn't explain the magic as everyone is a star and instead just didn't explain it and leave it up to suspension of disbelief. It seems like there used to be a lot more scenes that talked about it but they got cut at some point and replaced with "I'm a Star"

Anyway though moving on, I don't like Valentino's voice. yes it's funny to see such a deep voice come from him but it just doesn't fit.

Also star is so funny and cute but omg they don't have to have a new joke in every scene. very few of those jokes had good comedic timing and quite a few of them ruined emotional moments and killed all the tension. Like Star is hilarious don't get me wrong, but we shouldn't be laughing at Star's antics when big dramatic evil is going on it takes away from the drama.

Moving on to Magnifico tho. He's an amazing villain for what he is. He's a pure evil villain, he's an authoritarian monarch whose motivation is power and the thing that pushes him to absolute corruption is his entitlement. He's literally like, stop questioning me I'm a good leader so shut up, and he's using real life authoritarian rhetoric about how now he needs to use desperate measures even if it means using the forbidden magic that'll like eat his soul and goodness or whatever. He's pure evil, he represents a real life evil of authoritarianism, he acts like all the people in real life who have temper tantrums because they feel entitled to more power and don't like it when people point out their flaws or have questions they can't answer. and "This is the Thanks I Get" is the perfect song for that

and some people are doing this song dirty by sharing that one clip that's supposed to be funny and show how much of a man-child he is but only works at all in context. People should be sharing the ending of this song which is so much better in the movie and has amazing animation and is so dramatic and evil. Like throughout this entire song he's just singing about how he's such a good leader and everyone should thank him and never question him while he's also kicking and smashing and killing mini versions of the kingdom's citizens.

Then Asha brings her Saba's wish back and I wish he had a statement or something before about how horrible this was so we could've seen his perspective change right then and there but even so it was such a beautiful scene. And when Magnifico found them and crushed Asha's Mom's wish so much drama so much heartbreak. and Asha's realization of just how bad this situation of Magnifico "protecting" all the wishes was.

Also, we later learn it was Simon who turned her in and I think the movie did him dirty because it didn't show or tell us why he did that until the end. I wish there was sometime when he at least had a line about how worried he was at some point and how desperate he was to believe in Magnifico, just to give us a better idea of his mindset and why he gave Asha up. There could've been a point made here about how the people who buy into the dictator's propoganda do so because they're desperate and how those people are often the easiest to hurt even if they don't realize it.

Also that little reference to Peter Pan, Mary Poppins, and Magnifico crushing true love. I was almost laughing out loud in the theater I swear

Also quick appreciation for Dahlia. She listens to Asha and is like, idk exactly what's happening but I trust you that this is important. Like she's trusting her gut and her gut is right and she gets the whole friend group together and ready to help Asha. I wish the friends got more time though and a bigger role cause honestly I think one of the biggest shortcomings of this movie is the lack of subplots. Asha and Magnifico are the only characters who have actual arcs and backstories and I think that's a crime actually cause that was a great friend group that should've gotten a chance to be at least a little more known.

then that final scene with the opening of the roof and then the plot twist with Magnifico and Simon. Like I actually thought that was Magnifico that plot twist was well done. I do think there were a few too many jokes in that scene that ended up taking away from the tension but overall great scene. and when Magnifico came in and trapped Star while we were under the impression that they were safe for at least a little bit longer.

Then Magnifico takes star, makes the sky cloudy so no one can wish on stars, takes away all the wishes, and traps every person in the kingdom and starts holding them down and draining them or whatever. like look at that the monarch has turned authoritarian and is now holding everyone down so they can't resist so easily and can't even hope cause they can't see the stars to make a wish. And then they make a wish anyway cause they're all together and can make new combined wishes. I love how the revolution happens here cause it's not pretending to portray an actual revolution or anything it's very metaphorical and is just trying to say that we're stronger together than alone and if we all stand together we can rise against authoritarianism and corruption.

Only thing is that afterwards Amaya becomes the queen and while I love Amaya I don't like that. the entire movie is showing how monarchy lends itself to authoritarianism and this monarch got corrupted so easily look at that then at the end there's just a new monarch. I saw something about how there was an earlier concept where Amaya was evil too and I would've honestly preferred that. Like they didn't have to show the new government or leaders and I think it should've been left open-ended especially if the other option is gonna be just a new monarch.

I also didn't like how they went out of their way to say Magnifico was completely irredeemable. Like I get that he was never gonna have a redemption arc and this is a childrens movie with a pure evil villain so it's not gonna have nuance, but I think the idea that someone can be pure evil is kind of dangerous and they could've said he no longer has the capability to be a good leader or something.

Now into the implications about magic in Disney. I'm pretty sure that canonically all magic in all of Disney comes from Rosas. Because in every Disney movie with magic there's always a connection to stars. Cinderella says a dream is a wish your heart makes then there's the big Disney song, "when you wish upon a star." In tangled the sundrop flower is a drop from the sun so it comes from a star. Peter Pan is in Neverland and to get there you fly towards the second star to the right and there's pixie dust which based on Wish I'm pretty sure is just stardust. So now with Wish it's telling us that yes, all magic comes from stars and also all living beings are stars. And it also told us that Rosas at this point is the only place you can go to get your wishes granted magically and I don't think that's a coincidence. I think that based on this we can just say that if there's a magic thing in Disney and it's not explained why it exists or where it came from, we can assume it came from Rosas and the stars.

Also I've seen people talking about the original concept ideas about evil couple Amaya and Magnifico and shape-shifting star-boy love interest. I love the idea of evil villain couple and it would've helped with the authoritarian message for Amaya to also be evil and it would've just been so cool to see. And as for shape-shifting star-boy love interest. I think it would've been cool to see shape-shifting star-boy but I love that Asha doesn't have a love interest and this is in no way a romance. I wish that the friends got more attention and I think star-boy would've taken away from that. Can't wait to see y'alls fanart with star boy and Asha tho

Anyway though the movie was pretty good and I expect to see some fucking fan theories. I think that this is gonna be like Encanto in the sense that in theaters people are shitting on it and saying it's bad but once the movie hits Disney+ it's gonna blow up. I've been wanting to see a Disney movie take place in the Mediteranean for a while and this did not disappoint. Like don't expect a Disney masterpiece Disney is still neglecting their animation quite a bit and it's showing, but don't expect trash either like you will enjoy watching this.

[promisinininining]

post project rambling

blood spills over is finished!

The whole thing has been planned from the beginning, but the exact scope of it kept creeping and creeping until it went form something I thought I could finish in around 5k words, to 10k, to 20k, at which point I gave up trying to estimate the length it would end up at. The last part (five of pentacles, reversed) ended up being longer than the previous parts added together, sitting at 26 out of 47k. Oops! That's longer than the previous longest fic I'd written on its own! It was only supposed to be a little thing to tide us over until the final part but ,,. uh, well, I got carried away a little. I had only written parts 1 and 2 before I started posting, and at that point I thought I was mostly done, so I thought it was safe to do so. (As an addendum, I did start posting because of my cute little stalker digging up my old accounts and sending abuse to those inboxes, where I hadn't closed anon off yet, so it was a bit of a spite fuelled adventure at the beginning.) I don't normally like to post things before they're finished because quite frankly I didn't trust myself to actually finish it, but I guess because I had a clear ending in mind, I was able to get there eventually.

I am not used to being in such a big fandom, so the support has been a completely new experience, and it's honestly been a little overwhelming (in the best way possible). I have been on the struggle bus these past few monoths with moving to a new house and a ton of unexpected bills on top of it, and I don't think I would have been able to get to this point without my friends and reviewers. I've met so many wonderful people, and it's been fun being in a fandom that isn't just me and my best buds.

About the story itself, there were a few deleted scenes that I wished I could put in, but ultimately decided against. Goro was initially going to physically meet Rumi, for one, but it didn't quite fit, and it felt like it was distracting from the main story too much, which was ultimately Goro finding something to live for. There was definitely not enough time for him to learn to love himself in just the short space of time where the third semester took place, but he has the rest of his life to learn how to, surrounded by people who are willing to show him by loving him back.

Sumire's relationship with Goro is also one that I really wanted to play with, especially as two extremely cynical people who don't really interact in canon. I feel like it's easy to just see Sumi as someone who's peppy and a little airheaded, but she's also extremely depressed, and put her entire existence on fulfilling her sister's wish, much like Goro's existence is based on killing Shido. I think they would understand each other intrinsically on a level that is very fun to explore, beyond "well we both love pego". Also, Atlus what the heck did you do with her. Give her to me. Let me sort it. I didn't think it helped her character any by being kidnapped for a week then beaten up and suddenly being like "wow you're right I can live as myself now". She needed to find that inner strength herself, with a little nudge from Goro who recognises the same pain. Of course, Goro's solution was "kill the person responsible" and Sumire can't reaaally do that with a hit and run, but she has a better support system than Goro and can learn to channel that more productively. If it's gymnastics, or something else entirely, I don't know.

I don't want to go too deep into the details with futaba and haru because this is already getting QUITE LONG, and I'm certain that there are only going to be a few people who have read this far, and those people already know how I feel about their relationship. I mean I was pretty clear in the fic itself, it's one of the less subtle things, I think; Futaba is the youngest, and she's extremely traumatised, and people have been enabling her bad behaviour by indulging it. It's 'helpful' rather than invasive, and okay, it saved Akira's life... but I do think there was definitely a better way to do it than bugging his phone. (Actually, another thing I didn't get to touch on is how the Thieves blatantly used Goro for their own plan regarding the interrogation room rather than attempting to understand him or his motives, perfectly fine with manipulating him back to thinking he's manipulating them, and how much that would fuck up someone who already has a complex about being used... but that's for another day and another fic, I think).

Finally, Maruki: this man is fucked up. I know it's easy to see him as sympathetic when he has the best intentions, and wants to 'help' people, but intentions don't matter when it comes to hurt and abuse. You can intend to be a perfectly kind person and still abuse your power over them. Don't get me wrong, I love him dearly, he's such a fucked up little skrungley boy, but he's definitely not the wet cat that he looks like at first glance. He's a researcher, forward in his field of cognitive pscience to the point where he awakened his own powers by himself, and has been shamelessly abusing his position as a therapist to get more information for his own gain (which, I emphasise, is to control the lives of everyone ever so that nobody suffers again) from the main cast.

Anyway, before I sign off, I will put out there that I have been thinking about Strikers, But With Baby Rei On Board. It's been spinning in my head since I finished. it's not going to happen (I refuse to do an entire game rewrite--just the third semester was an entire Thing, and I hate rehashing canon scenes), but hopefully you can glean some fun and entertaining thoughts about it. If you do, let me know! or don't.

A'ight, that's it from me. Thank you for reading. It's been... well, not long, but I feel like my writing is a little dense and requires some re-reads to fully experience it, so it FEELS longer than it is. Either way, I am kissing gently every single one of you who have made it this far down my massive ramble. Thank you, truly.

MIS

[otakween]

Digimon World: Digital Card Battle (1999) - End game thoughts (20 hrs in)

Yay, this was really fun and easy to beat! Honestly, that's how I like my video games, I just want to chill at the end of the day, not stress out. There were one or two battles that presented a slight challenge and that's good enough for me.

This game had so much charm and was a fabulous companion to Digimon World 1. It's kind of like its quirky and more casual cousin. Kind of baffled that there isn't a fan translation (that I could find) because it's honestly a pretty short game with not a lot of dialogue.

I'm going to do a little bit of post-game poking around, but here are my immediate thoughts after beating it.

Notes:

-I wonder if the lack of localization is 100% due to the Hitler stuff (which...fair) or if there's more to it than that. I get that it would have been difficult to cut that part out entirely, but maybe they could re-skin things to look less sus? I dunno...too late now.

-I was so happy with all the stats they give you during the end credits, that was such a nice touch! They gave me my playtime, how many times I saved, what decks I used and how I used them. Interesting stuff. I feel like TCG are for stats nerds lol (the only math class I enjoyed in high school)

-It was really cute how they recreated all of the scenes from the game with CGs. Of course, it would have been nice if those were just in the game proper, but oh well :/ it was fun looking back on all the battles and quirky events

-So...the Japanese was a bit tricky for me to follow, but it seems like this whole game had a gag plot? Like you spend the whole game trying to get to Mt. Infinity to retrieve a "bug card", but then you get to the final boss and he's like, "Huh? Who are you? What's going on? I've never heard of a bug card in my life." And then Betamon (who came with you for moral support) is like "oh yeah, I dropped that card and it was blown away by the wind to the top of this mountain teehee." Lol. So really, there was no villain...I guess. Really the MC and Babamon are the assholes for destroying Machinedramon's home for no reason.

-Speaking of gag plot, most of the plot of this game is on the very silly, toilet humor side. A majority of it is tracking down toilet paper and finding the culprit of who is breaking all of the toilets. In hindsight, this might be another reason this didn't get localized...

-So Babamon was Rosemon all along...okaaay. I didn't really get this twist because Rosemon switched back and forth between her two forms throughout the game before the bug card (which supposedly cause the transformation) was destroyed. Maybe it was a Fiona from Shrek situation.

-I was a little sad that I got all of these great "Sevens Cards," but then didn't want to use most of them. The only one I really ended up using was the holy one because it gave my digimon +1000 HP. Everything else seemed too risky to use. Honestly I used the same deck without many changes for 90% of the game. Kind of lame, but editing decks was sorta painful in how time consuming and clunky it was. It seems like arranging a deck would be a lot more fun IRL though, I kinda wish I had some actual cards to fool around with.

-I was surprised to see that there's no Analogman in this game. I guess that just goes along with this being a much chiller, parallel universe.

-I physically can't 100% this game (because of missable battles), so I'm just going to take it easy for post-game stuff. See how many more cards I can get and do a couple more battles. Excited for this game's sequel!

Despite the weirdo storyline and questionable content, this was one of the better Digimon games so far. Due to my high levels of enjoyment, I'm giving it a solid 7 out of 10.

[ashes-of-ailell]

back on my 'ashe has ghosts like dimitri does' bs to say that I like to think, when ashe confronted that bishop in falling short of heaven, that for a moment, just a small moment, his own ghosts got the better of him.

that bishop is the only one who ashe reacts to on that level. and ashe is the one who, quite firmly, states first that 'lonato's blood is on (their) hands.' from a purely game dev standpoint, it's probably that way to save time, just a fun thing for players who decide to brave the fog - but from a story standpoint...

do you think they have history? do you think that maybe that bishop would visit castle gaspard? do you think ashe recognised them? do you think he would sneak around, as children do when they're bored, and overhear little parts of their conversations? do you think that bishop ever spoke to christophe? the bishop didn't recognise ashe, but that doesn't mean ashe can't recognise them.

do you think ashe ever thought the bishop was strange? do you think that, if he did ever see them, he found it odd that they were around christophe so much just before he was executed? do you think he recognised them as he ventured through the fog, remembering them to have been speaking a lot to lonato before he left for the monastery? do you think he realised in that moment?

do you think he heard their voices get louder as he got closer? usually they kept quiet but now they were loud - 'its them, they promised us, they tricked us-' and ashe approaches, speaks to the bishop, sure that they were a part of this, but the more they talk the louder their voices get in his ear. and then he shoots. and he shoots again. but it isn't enough. usually ashe wishes a peaceful death upon those he takes aim at - he wants to be a knight, one who enacts justice for the people and protects others, he can't kill for a selfish reason, that's wrong - but he can't bring himself to here, no, he wants the bishop to know the pain he felt, the anger he didn't want to admit to feeling building up and their voices are so loud, encouraging him to let arrow after arrow fly and strike true but it's still not enough-

he doesn't know what exactly happened after that. all he remembers is suddenly having this rush, a feeling of becoming. aware. of himself again.

there's a dagger in his hand. it's the one usually sheathed, attached to his uniform belt. he's kneeling over the bishop. they aren't moving, probably haven't been for a while. there's red, both vibrant and dull, everywhere. it's all over the bishop, his hands, his blade, the grass. he stumbles as he tries to get up, as the reality of how brutal he had allowed himself to be, what he had allowed himself to do, sets in. he looks around for his bow, finding it against the roots of a tree nearby, probably thrown aside hastily in whatever disturbing state he had found himself in.

he feels ill. he's horrified at what he had done. he's meant to be a knight, someone who fights for the people and takes down enemies with honour and respect - there was nothing honourable about what he had just done. nothing that justified it, nearly every part of himself is screaming, upset, guilty, disgusted. but there's also a small, very small, but very frightening part of himself, he decides, that feels a sick sense of catharsis, unable to feel bad about what he had just done. it terrifies him that such a part of himself can even exist, but he knows it does, he can't lie to himself. and he hates it.

he promises himself in that moment that should anything like this happen again, he'd stop himself. he wouldn't let the voices grow too loud. it's not really them - it cant be. they wouldn't want him to do something like that, that he knows. they're distortions. shadows of people he loved, still loves. he won't let them control him again, he hates what they drove him to do, and he hates the part of himself that feels lighter because of it.

he can't let it happen again. he won't.

[fizzingwizard]

I can hear the fireworks going off at the Tenjin matsuri. Thought about going but knew it would be hot, huge, and crowded, and anyway already planning to go to a smaller festival in a couple weeks.

Glad I didn't plan to because i absolutely would have backed out. I'm next level exhausted. Got weird muscle pain that I can't describe. I know I pulled something in my shoulder, but there's also head to toe soreness more like being sick than anything else. Not really any other symptoms except some vertigo earlier so we'll see.

Lots and lots and lots of teachers out sick and it's the first time this year I've seen my boss look panicked trying to figure out how we're going to meet teacher studio ratios. We did it, but mostly thanks to the unpredictability of student absences. I was asked to work overtime again. I've been making sure to take my breaks today and yesterday because I can feel how exhausted I am even though when I'm running around I usually don't notice it till I have a chance to sit. Also I'm done with those evaluations, although I still have a lot to do before the end of August.

Yesterday it was just me and my new young coteacher all day. The kids were difficult in the morning, but lovely after lunch. Today was the opposite. It was me and my experienced coteacher, plus a sub, and the kids weren't just lovely, they were amaaaazing in the morning. I have three kids who are behind the rest of the class: not understanding the daily routine, freaking out over minor transitions, running in circles non-stop, kicking, shrieking... that sort of stuff. During lessons one of them can sit and the other two usually can't. Every year we have kids like this and every year I wish we had training and support to care for them better.

But we do our best, and today, for the very first time ever, two of those kids not only sat through the entire lesson, but they actively participated. They only recently started to be verbal, and today they were talking and answering so clearly. One has never understood attendance. When I call their names, the kids raise their hands and say "I'm here." This student always runs up to me. Every day for four months, no amount of encouragement and modeling and watching other kids and even hand-holding has convinced her to do anything except run to me when I call her name. But today, she did it. Not only did she raise her hand, but she said "I'm here" perfectly. I was floored. Honestly could have cried.

And on top of that, a second kid, who has been probably my most difficult this year, was also able to do attendance very well today. It's not the first time for him, but he generally refuses, and today not only did he do it well, but he joined in every activity without any help, and spoke on his own without needing me to guide him through the words. I have been feeling across the board that my kids' bonds with me have been getting stronger, which is typical after being together a few months. But even though I'm not new to teaching ECE, I tend to forget at the start of a new year with new kids just how long it can take for all the kids to feel comfortable and start coming out of their shells. The majority of kids are fine from the start, so it's easy to be worried about what I'm doing wrong when the handful who struggle seem to keep struggling for months. It's especially challenging since they tend to be nonverbal, and even when they can talk, are just too young to know how to describe what they're feeling. Now we've been through a full quarter together and my kids are seeking me out first when they're upset, and also when they just want to have fun. They're recognizing me as the person who helps them with their problems, not just some buzz kill who doesn't let them hit each other with toys :P It's a big pick-me-up tbh, especially after last week's tantrum. And I felt that the tantrum student became closer with me after going through the tantrum and its aftermath as well. One of the very rewarding parts of teaching this age. I get a lot of stress and want to cry a lot, but when kids start to hit those goals and are happy and enjoying themselves, as well as enjoying their teachers, I remember why I still don't really want to do anything else.

And a bit of silliness to end: Before going home with her parents today, one of my kids came over and showed me her finger, where she'd put a toy like a ring. I admired it, but figured out she actually wanted me to remove the toy. So I tried... and it wouldn't come off x'D poor thing was starting to get upset. I didn't want to yank too hard and hurt her! I can't believe how tight she got it on her finger. But I did manage to get off without needing to find the pliers, lol, and she went home happy. I would ask why she put it on her finger in the first place but I know the answer was "she's three years old, it fit her finger, therefore on her finger it goes" XD

[fangirlstorycreator]

Terry X Reader

Context: John made fun of you during your period, so you and Terry put him to the test

You were just at the end of your time of the month, sat at home after finishing work at the dojo. Terry came in a little later after you, as he had some paperwork to do, and you were doing the dishes when he came into the house. "Hey sweetheart" he says as he gives you a hug from behind and kisses your cheek. "How was your day?" "Eh, could have been better, I wont lie" he seems concerned. "Why? Did something happen?" You dry your hands and turn to face him. "Its just John. He really annoyed me today. Made me feel like I wasnt doing my job well enough" "well what did he say exactly?" "He said that I shouldn't have had to take time out during the day to take painkillers and refill my hot water bottle. He said that it was just a little pain, and I should just get over it and get back to work" Terry does not like the sound of this, his face tells a picture. "He really said that to you? God he can be a real asshole sometimes. I'm sorry that happened sweetheart" he pulls you in close for a warming hug, and kisses your forehead. "You didnt deserve that, I will have a word with him" "I just wish he could understand what it's like" Terry smirks and looks into your eyes. "Do you know what sweetheart? I think I have an idea..." The next day, you, Terry and John are all at the dojo. "Terry why did you ask me hear? The dojo isnt open today" "I know John, but I asked you hear to have a talk with you. I know what you said to Y/N. She is your work colleague and she deserves respect. You dont understand what she has to deal with each month" "come on Terry, they're just a few cramps. How bad can they be?" You and Terry both give eachother a look. "Well John, your about to find out" john looks confused at Terry, and you bring out a white box, with a small remote and little stick on wires. "This is a period cramp simulator, and your going to try it. Y/N has tested it already. It does feel very similar to how cramps are. When she tested it, she had to stop at level 17 out of 20. That is what she feels every month. And you are going to experience what she feels" John looks a little sheepish. "Uhh Terry..." both you and Terry just raise an eyebrow, showing your not going to take any bullshit from him. "Uuugghh fine" you place the wires on his lower stomach, and pull his shirt back down. You start off slowly, levels 1 to 5 he seems to be playing it cool. "Yeh this-this is nothing really" he begins to twitch and break a sweat on his forehead. So you go up another 2 levels, and you can see he cant last much longer. "Im- I'm fine, uuuuhhhhh, this isn't nice. I dont like this. Have you tried this Terry?" He chuckles. "I actually did give it a go before you got hear. I managed to get to level 11 before I tapped out" "11! Hhsss ouch!" You can see tears in his eyes, right before he gives up. "Alright! Alright! I get it, please turn it off!" You press the stop button and John instantly relaxes. You walk up to him and put an arm on his shoulder. "Can you understand now John? You went to a lower level for 2 minutes. I have pains double that for days in a row. That's why it hurt when you said that to me the other day" he nods his head, to show he understands. "I'm sorry Y/N, I didnt know you had this much pain each time" "it's fine john, now, I have a question...would you like some chocolate?" John smiles. "I actually would, yes" you then all burst out into laughter.