#its been like 4 months whatever
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hey girl check out how hard i can cry
#been meaning to draw them now that ive finished hq ... ueee anyways FDGHD#i think its also a neat art improvement comparison or whatever ASKSKS#i think i drew them as 1st years like 4 months ago? yeadfghdj#ANYWAYS WHAT IF I CRIED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#haikyuu#yachi hitoka#shoyo hinata#tadashi yamaguchi#tobio kageyama#kei tsukishima#sunnysideball#sunnysidedoodles
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I'm not leaving, but u can find me at bluesky, furaffinity and instagram, my username is feliville in all of them
#ive been meaning 2 start posting again on those (or at all on bluesky. i havent posted there#im trying So hard not to be scared;#srry its dumb; this one really is getting to me#like i hope i look back in a few months and think 'omg i was being so dumb 4 being worried !' or whatever
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got the bus into town to fetch my phone but i got there n the repair guy said he'll call me monday bc he found a compatibility error </3 i miss my phone sm
#ooc.#i've been using my friends nans old motorola for like#4/5 months now#n its annoying bc hes got my old iphone 14 but Whatever!
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yeah sure that's how i'll [re]come out
#zymart#zymtalk#rant in the tags ->#okay listen to me this is really important and also i have a witness. this was not intentionally supposed to be posted on june 1st#the stars just aligned for this to be at its funniest. which means its also easier for me to dismiss LOL#i drew this like a week ago after trying to draw a whole like. 5 page comic about it and then stopping it mid-board#bc it was horrifying imagining being perceived that much. so i needed to make it into a joke instead and this was the funniest route#and then i was like 'UGH. UGH!!!! i can not be 20 and deal with this like im 13. if i dont post it by the end of the week#then [the witness to all my rants on this topic. shoutout to twig bc they got the most of it] can joke abt it as if i did anyway'#and now its the end of the week and i looked at the date and went 'oh my god didnt may just start what happened'#'WAIT ITS JUNE FIRST. GOD. THATS TOO FUNNY TO NOT SAY SOMETHING' and who am i if i dont prioritize the bit honestly#in all honesty. kinda hate it! not bc of internalized homophobia but actually bc of internalized arophobia that has somehow been emphasized#after having my brain shift from '1000% aromantic without a doubt no exceptions' to 'just arospec ig lol??'#but tragically as it turns out. you can not just try and self analyze yourself into speedrunning closure.#horrible news for the oscar zymstarz community frankly#SO i needed a way 2 justify shoving this off my plate and into the trash as fast as possible.#im impatient and cant acknowledge my own emotions. its a flaw im working on it#oh and for all the ppl who know the running gag abt 'my allegations' [i do not have any real allegations for anyone not in jems server]:#that was in fact just a running gag for like well over a year and a half. like that was just a long running bit COMPLETELY unrelated to thi#i only started having this weird sexuality shift or whatever not too long ago lol. like long enough to go through 4 of the 5 stages of grie#[evidently bc like. im posting this. i got close enough to 5 to throw in the towel ykwim]#but on 'oscar zymstarz emotional acknowledgement' time that is....... not long.#but yeah ig tldr like. still ace [thank god] just arospec [probably demiro? i hate trying to figure out my own labels] instead of Aro now#idk none of this is that deep but also like it kinda is unfortunately bc i have to actually talk abt it to be able to ignore it ykwim#but i did! we're done talking abt it now! and now i can act like i dont care and try to make jokes about it to speedrun the rest of it#anyway. Happy Pride everyone. Fukign kitty.#side message to jem. by no means does this mean im not still gonna bully you. its a sign of love but also it is you specific bullying 🫶#you are not safe#edit: this is karma for saying 'thank god'. might be demiace too. this is the worst month of my life /j
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If I see one more person refer to OSDD as a whole as a generalization or synonym of OSDD-1B I'm going to snap the wooden bars of this cage in the enclosures of my mouth and crawl my way out of Hell to Find You.
#News flash! Did you know (near) every section of the DSM-V-TR has a “Otherwise Specified” section?#And that every Other Specified disorder is a form of general symptoms without enough basis or prognosis to become its own diagnosis?#Did No One teach these guys about OSDD-2 OSDD-3 and OSDD-4?#2 is identity disturbance w itense coercive persuasion#AKA mind control changes personalitt#3 is Acute dissociation to stressful events Which is dissociative episodes lasting typically less than a month#So instead of it being chronic theyre just dissociation to an extent where its less tham a month#Typically to one traumatic event and can last as short as a few hours#4 is Disoociative trance which is exactly what it sounds like#Youre in a complete loss of awareness and go into complete autopilot with profound unresponsiveness to stimuli#Hell even 1a is unknown#Where it's all the criteria of Dissociative Identity Disorder but without the formation of separate identity states#But rather seen sort of like “Different Parts” of 1 solitified identity#Can you tell I've been reading my favorite section of the clinical psych Bible (DSM-V-TR)#I just hate when people say everyone with OSDD is a system or whatever NO. THEYRE. NOT. BREAKS PENCIL.#ITS A WIDE RANGE OF SYMPTOMS AND CRITERIA BECAUSE THE WHOLE POINT IS THAT THEY ARE NOT ITS OWN DISORDER.#IM. GONNA. BREAK. SOMETHING. GRAAAAAH!!!
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so ive been to london for the (kindof) very first time as a conscious human being and man it is like. i can’t articulate all the feelings ive been having but its making me REALLY emo because Wow heres a city that seemingly works!
#🦆#like ive traveled to a fair share of places#all of them europe so. its just. jesus#i get why my father as a sad kid living in a communist country would spend literally months on end there working shit jobs#ive been spoonfed the english language basically since i was a toddler and putting it to use was fun#and how is the architecture not fuckign. cube and graffiti type Penis#im not kidding ive learned more on this 4 day trip abt art than#during 4 years in highschool#WHATEVER im so MAD because the reason it’s allowed to prosper is 99% colonialism and it makes me want to rip my skin off because HOW is this#city so. everything. ive never been to nyc but is this how it feels? like the world is so small and so large at the same time#they can just do everything there. make all kinds of shit possible. create functional public transport#especially re: warsaw its soooo fucking funny but also not like its made me feel even worse for her#or maybe like. even more frustrated#because wow we are like so ass#eye twitching. how can you just fucking not utilize the river that YOU ARE PROGRAMMED TO LIVE IN PROXIMITY OF#and its so fucking ugly guyssssss i know we can jerk off to soviet blocks all we want but its a copeeeee its such a fucking cope#like come on how is it possible for random ass town from the prussian partition number 73638468 to STILL be prettier than the fucking#CAPITAL.#how after all these years this city is still a corpse that people just pile the most vomit inducing urban architecture#upon#we cant have anythingggggggg if you want to ser pre war architecture in warsaw you can maybe admire a beautiful modernist cube with shrapnel#holes the size of your fists#everything else that has been reduced to gravel in ww2 is currently making up a very nice park in a different part of town#and whats even the point of building something else if were just gonna get bombed again but this time crazy TWIST its the russians and#another reset for wwa#i’ll probably delete this in the morning srry just had to indulge in a bit of doomerism on a friday evening
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Been crying regularly since June last year but these last couple of weeks damn, specially this one that just ended.
I dont think I've ever cried so much in my life
#not even when i was fresh out of whatever the fuck that was with that guy#and this time is like a lot of things crashing out#its a lot of stress response too imo#but still like obvioisly a big part of it is still my season#i guess im grieving like normal ppl grieve their parents/spouses/kids#but im grieving a dog so ofc it looks like too much for a lot of ppl#but im a bit of a psycho so my feelings for ppl arent like that#but that dog was almost my whole life especially during the pandemic when he started to get sick#and just before i was able to secure a bigger income to look after him he dies#and the fact that he waited for me to pick him up and waited for me i. the morning after i had gone exercise#i loved him so much and he loved me so much and im so certain ill never have a love like that in my life again#and a part of me just cant wait to reunite with him again truly also bcos world is ending literally#so the future is this thing i do out of obligation/need/social duty but its not something i believe in at all#and then my other dog and my head fucking with me in health related issues/anxieties#so i wouldnt be feeling all sensitive over this issue with thos guy (clearly this is too much emotional baggage hes up for fun times)#and seems to be having fun elsewhere which sure and again if his missus is fine who am i to feel like that#idk i feel like im putting more emotions into it than i should and its making me feel bad/stupid#sprinkle what would be completely irrelevant and whatever if it wasnt for my current stew of emotions and yeah#i feel stupid bad and pathetic#lmao at autocrrect for season i meant my son#the fact that mohini is all abt opening the hips is helping to this too i guess#i started bawling my eyes out at 8:45am at the fucning bus stop#and it all started with the rtp guy not stopping when i was running late which sure id had been mad abt and talk shit abt the guy#but this time i started crying so hatd and ????#feeling very tempted to do what mo ameer did in his comedy show abt going to church for confession#cheaper than therapy and honestly i just need to talk to someone and let this all out#should i go to therapy? duh we all do genius but i have no interest in sparing money for that atm#also matching with a therapy would take multiple tries and not willing to spend 4 times over 1000 pesos for that#that money has to go to other places that are actually more important#and god willing I'll finally be able to start doing it at the end of this month or beginning of the next
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did the math of my embarassing kpop past and i spent [redacted years] supporting the most purposefully boring men available like spitefully giving me nothing bec theyre sick in the head (aquarius men) like connor can lose every competition imaginable like not even a rock paper scissors win and i will still be seated for it ✋
#sol_txt#lolllllllllll so ? like i was a baby calling grown men babies#i think…. let me see#bigbang before they own the criminal lottery#kwon jiyong i will see U in hell#i think svt but it was mostly bec i had like a mingyu / woozi conspiracy in my head 😭#i liked monsta x for one month#i think nct since the start#like jaehyun and taeyong were on polar opposites of the solspectrum but still#jaehyun is still baby… to this day… so funny to me LOL#nct dream social justice warrior before they broke my heart by making bad uninteresting not even public friendly or unfriendly music#i didnt like enhypen at all not even the sunoo stuff was enough#txt since the start too 🙄 soobin is the gay boy of my heart to this day#cringe and embarrassing but free#mostly i had ggroups phase but i felt so bad objectifying them like LOL#i was a wanna one stan too ;-; got so high i started crying about kangdan#theboyz but it was like a juyeon/younghoon/sunwoo conspiracy that i made up#AND NOW FINALLY ✋ rise and realize 😓#i hate 99% of their titles and they only have titles save meeeeeeeee#nct wish is cute but bad music too#ggroups are like. aespa and newjeans#im still waiting for my haerin pc 😓 its been 4 months#then i think i was an izonegirl too but i cant get into lsf for whatever reason#loona is a sensitive topic for me#mostly i was into girls generation i think
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im punching and punching and punching my anxiety today
#[static]#man i need a new job but im gonna try my best to stick it out for the next year and a half so that im 'vested' -#- or whatever its called for my little tiny 401k money lmao#im starting to get anxiety about work on my days off more than usual#they just changed it from 5 years to 6 years fjgkdlghd#and im nearly at 5 years#also i think im gonna try and stick it out with the full time up until October and i'm going back to 4 days a week for my sanity#and also theyve been cracking down on ppl missing work and the winter time i have to call out a couple times a month for snow#they used to be understanding about it but it sounds like they arent anymore :)#in one breath they'll be like 'yeah it's no worries we work at a grocery store who cares! we're stacking cans this isn't life or death'#but the moment you gotta leave early due to snow so you can actually make it home in one piece they get butthurt lmao#mind you I have put my car in a ditch BECAUSE of work doing this to me and i ended up missing a week + covering repairs because of it#like ... would you rather i go home 2 hours early or miss 4-6 days of work and be in debt :)#and the answer is the 2nd one for them lmao i fucking hate them
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Your post about The Most American Sandwhich just made me imagine Leonard as an American... Leonard scuttling about at a Walmart parking lot, trying to fit all the food he bought in the trunk (enough to hermit away for the next few weeks begote he has to restock again)
this is a bit late but this has me WAILING........ american leonard, what groceries will he buy........ do you think he would treat him also to The Most American Sandwich
now introducing: the U.P's youngest resident
also during the process of scribbling in his hoodie i looked at it and almost started crying
#gu6chan's doodles#leonard drakengard#drag on dragoon#drakengard#this is so FUNNY bc i shit you not my dad used to do a similar thing growing up except on a monthly basis#like i used to HATE going over to live with him bc going from nürnberg; one of the most populated cities in germany to laterally no one#living within walkable distance + my dad only leaving for groceries once a month BY HIMSELF it was literally just woods i HATED it#just miles and miles of trees......... i used to treat it like a goddamn vacation and get dressed up in my best clothes whenever he said i#could come to the grocery store with him but by the time i came out he'd normally leave to go by himself by that time anyways 😭 fun times#luckily not everyone was that isolated as me but i will say if ive learned anything about northern michigan/The U.P every parent is just as#insane fansjcjsmsnd also people WILL just go missing out of the blue???? usually really young kids whose parents are touring or elderly ppl#with alzheimers or so. though they also do get the occasional Normal 20-30 year old every other hunting season 😭😭 last year a 72 year old#guy went out with his dog and only the dog came back and we STILL haven't found the dude. theres no way hes alive now since it was JUST#reaching winter when he disappeared but like. i wonder where he is. its CRAZY up here#anyways the UP is even more insane and I'm glad I don't live over there because holy FUCK.#every visit has been an absolutely surreal experience#that fact and the guy who just up and walked into the woods i mentioned were both vague inspirations for this little detail spread lmaoooo#that and the fact that a LOT of people up here and ESPECIALLY in the UP are either drug dealers or sex offenders who are trying to find#somewhere isolated to get away from the police (re: insane parents) that or some crazy shit in their past theyre trying to run away from#all this to say: leonard is prime candidate for weird little U.P hermit who just suddenly walks into the woods one day and#1. is never seen again#or 2. his decaying corpse is found facedown in a river 4 years later. is it suicide? foul play from whatever he was trying to get away from#in his past that led him to the UP to begin with? no one knows. they all forget about it within 3 weeks#speaking of decaying; this is not to be confused with my unfinished drafts for silent hill leonard whose been decaying there for months...
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overall i think movie sonic being redesigned was a good decision but sometimes i wish they had never done it with how annoying people are about it with the constant spread of misinformation about how/why it happened + this attitude people have gotten from it thinking they can get anything they don't like in a movie or show or game changed if they complain on twitter enough regardless of what exactly they're wanting changed or how close the release date is or what company is making it or whatever
#so many people who do not have the power to change whatever youre mad about#have been harassed in the name of bullying them into fixing it like we did with sonic. like what the hell#remember when people decided sonic frontiers was bad very early on and were harassing people who worked on it or were excited for if#and were like ''well it worked with the sonic movie so its ok !!!''. what is wrong with you people#also people saying it over things that just cant be changed#i remember like 3 or 4 months before the live action monster high movie came out people were making the sonic joke for the millionth time#even though filming had already been finished and a lot of progress was made on editing too#and the things theu were wanting changed would require restarting the whole thing#even though it had a set release date of october and they definitely wouldnt meet that deadline if they redid the entire movie#its not the same!!!! not everything can be a sonic movie situation!!!!#dont even get me started on people just lying about the whole thing being a marketing stunt#and im not saying dont criticize movies ever just stop pretending everything can be a sonic movie situation
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hmm. i either have a tooth infection, a /very/ poorly placed wisdom tooth, or a nondescript growth under my gums . but this seems like a problem for some nebulous Later Me
#vwoop.noises#its been swollen forrr . 4 days maybe when i first noticed it#PSA. if you have a chipped tooth. Maybe uh . Address that#Idc though whatever. They are going to be mean to me#^ Could have addressed this like at least 8 months ago and just let it happen
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Finally returning home from the war(being abroad for a month+) today. I am *not* excited for the transit journey I'm about to have to endure. It's funny tho cause all I can think about is just "man I wanna go home and redecorate"(I bought a billion posters)
#i cant believe its been 5 weeks.....#1/12th of this year spent on a different continent very cool!#but yes i just want to go home and completely change my room#i miss my space yknow ;(#i bought 2 nando hats and a little poster...its time to make a shrine 😍#they need to release a mini model of his car so i can add it pls#i wanna buy a mini helmet but god theyre so expensive and i just spent a lot over the past month#i wish i bought more at hanger-7 tbh vielleicht a max helmet or smth :/#but then i just went on to spend so much money at the gp so its fine its whatever!#still find it funny that i bought comparatively way more at the mucha museum vs the gp#but the gp i spent more ah....#anyways back home i go! finally back to my cave...#omg wait also#i only got like 4 hours of sleep#bcs i got distracted by a new strollonso fic....#catie.rambling.txt
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pros of living with another cosplayer: enables and encourages each other to work on our costumes and has fun doing it together cons of living with another cosplayer: forget to do my other hobbies
#im exaggerating abt the cons its really nice living w someone as enthusiastic abt it as i am :)#its just what ive been up to the past few days#we've been doing a lot of problem solving and research and stuff bc its our first time making specific armor pieces#also when i lived with my parents it was almost impossible to start my projects before a month from whatever con i was going to#and here me and my roommate have just started getting ready for sakuracon in the spring#which is so nice. ive stayed up til like 4-5am thursday of the convention trying to finish WAY too many times in the past#( if anyones curious we're doing zagreus and melinoe hadesgame and a soul eater villains group w other friends :) )#‧ miscellaneous. → 「 out. 」
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try SO hard to be not soooooo negative... i feel like ive been a little too negative at least here on my main lately. i mean not that i have to post a specific way i can do what i want on my blog but i do want ppl to not look at things and go wow this guy wont stop complaining... but also i hardly even use my main so it ends up being where i jsut dump thoughts i have and since my neutral and positive thoughts end up on my sideblog most often since thats the main thing that i think abt joyfully as of late it means the rest ends up being some degree of a bummer. id rb here but my weird organizational rules my brain made up forbid it. i should post bugs or something though. maybe more orignal art. i havent made too much original art and most of it is a mess. i should srb that oc stuff i posted like a month ago or smth
#the complicated issue is that i want to be a pleasant presence but i am also lacking meds i need to feel like normal#and have been lacking them for like. checks watch.7 months#not too long in the grand scheme but one was a med id been on successfully for 4 yrs so#BUT. gonna get that figured out soon#the complicated fine line of wanting to be at least slightly open abt my emotions through a sincere use of my blogs#to simply post whatever i want vs also not wanting to just be kind of unpleasant and spend too much time making posts abt shit i dont like#here uhhh let me think of smth nice to end this post on im sure i can think of smth#one of my cats is really invested in one of the dog toys we have and has been for yrs#she carries it around the house and meows#in particular she tends to being it to me or as close as she can#meaning if i fall asleep on the couch i often wake up to the dog toy up there w me#or when i sleep in my room i keep the door closed so shell drop it outside my door for me#shes very sweet. kinda rude to the other cats#shell walk somewhere but do a massive detour midway thru to walk up to one of the other cats to smack them#and will jsut keep heading to her destination like she didnt just do that#shes really nice to people though. very insistent on cuddling its super cute
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crazy that its almost been a full year...
#wooooow. shit; time flies dude#man. just wow. i like my life a lot right now i think more than i did like#when was it#oh in abt a month or 2 from a year ago#well i have a lot more friends now and this is very good#i still look to improve#sorry for the sudden 'dwelling on past actions post'#i just remembered that a moss crew member and some other guy blocked me in like 2021 and i Genuinely Do Not Remember Why#like im pretty sure that if they blocked me it was something i did but i genuinely do not remember What i actualy did#which is kinda scary bc now that moss is back its more likely(kinda) that ill encounter them again#and idk if theyd be like offended that i dont remember bc i dont even remember the severity of it or just be like 'that was like 4 years+#+ago who give a shit' LOL????#genuinely no clue . stupid ass memory is ass#does not help that that was the situation we realized systemhood in#a lot of long rant tags tonight but whatever#tldr; saw a remaining ask in my ask box and remembered its been a year since a friend break away . and i like moss but something happened+#+at some point and now im scared of a guy because i cant remember soemthing i did 4 yrs ago . and if it was severe id feel worse 😭😭😭
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