#its been a while since ive written anything so im a tad rusty i hope yall can forgive me

[amethyst-allium]

To Etho, it feels like every square inch of his front half is on fire.

It all happens so quickly that he barely has time to process what’s going on. One moment the air is being sucked out of his lungs and the next, he’s lying in the grass at spawn. 

There’s a loud ringing in his ears and a migraine pressing against his eyes when he finally wakes up. Sunshine beats down on his face and he can still feel the faint stinging of his skin across his front being incinerated.

He takes a slow, deep breath and readjusts himself. The stinging fades, the ringing quiets, but never truly leaves his head. 

Joel is an idiot, he thinks.

He gets to his feet and goes to find his things. This is their first death.

It feels like riding a rollercoaster the second time. Well. The pit in his stomach, moreso. Maybe a little of the thrill, but perhaps that’s just Etho’s penchant for ridiculousness. There’s always that moment of freefall right when your car has juuuust tipped over the edge. Right when your stomach flies up into your throat and takes your breath away. Like maybe you’ve barreled right into a wall. Or a carefully secured creeper blows your limbs off.

Then the doom sets in and you raise your hands and scream, either from delight or fear. Usually a little bit of both. That’s when things really kick off, your stomach drops and your body tingles from the rush of adrenaline. 

That’s how their second death feels. Like falling. 

It’s the hitting the ground part that gets Etho the most. The force of his body splattering against the dirt and grass. The impact. 

He can still feel the pressure when he wakes up, this time in his and Joel’s bed in the Relation Ship. He sucks in a breath and, trembling, gathers himself again. He can feel the sense of anguish in his partner as the gravity of their situation dawns on Joel. 

They’re red.

Etho realizes he has been gripping the sheets for a little too long now and the muscles in his fingers have tensed. Joel is apologizing profusely, but the ringing is back and Etho can barely make out his own thoughts, let alone Joel’s sputtering. 

He can taste death, he thinks.

It hides under his tongue, peeking out to watch the world spin. It’s metallic, not unlike blood, but not quite the same. It feels… 

Well, Etho would rather not think about that, and for once, he’s letting himself just not think. 

That was the thing about Etho, he was a thinker. Intelligent, tactical. Sure he loved to indulge in a bit of chaos here and there, okay maybe a little bit too frequently, but only ever just enough that nobody could really question why anybody would ever feel intimidated by him. Plus who wouldn’t want to indulge in a little bit of blowing things up for fun?

But death poked at him. Prodded with his emotions. It tastes Red, Etho thinks. He’s thinking again, and he thinks… wouldn’t it be fun to not think so much some more?

After all, Etho’s the one who’s gotten them this far. He’s the cautious one, the ‘Joel for the love of god use your shield’ guy. The ‘If you take damage I’m taking damage to remind you that this is a survival game, Joel’ dude. 

And wouldn’t it be nice to just… let go?

So he does. Etho closes his eyes and exhales slowly. He relaxes. Something shifts between them and even Joel grows silent. Etho’s always up for a little chaos, right?

Joel has gone completely stiff, Etho can feel it, and after a very long moment he slowly sits up. A small smile begins to prick at the corners of Joel’s cheeks. Etho leans back and puts his hands behind his head.

Death tastes like a little bit of fun, Etho thinks.

After all, he had not been able to play as a red life for very long, before. He had been a little too good at surviving as a green. And, well, see, Joel was a terrible green life. But he was also a very good red. 

Sure, he has a knack for dying quickly as a good little green, but when he’s allowed to become fully unhinged well.. That’s when the fun can begin, isn’t it? That’s where Joel shines the brightest and Etho recognizes this. It was a red Joel who ended his last series, wasn’t it? 

Perhaps it’s better to have him as a soulmate this time around, Etho thinks.

Joel’s smile has grown wider by now and Etho can just hear the cogs turning and the schemes being planned. 

They have sand and paper and … oh it’s going to be so much fun! 

“Etho.”

“Yes, Joel?” Etho does not look up from his position, resting against their headboard.

“I think, maybe we should get our things back. What do you say?” There’s something a little sinister wrapping around his words and even though Joel is speaking them, Etho can taste them on his own tongue, and they taste quite familiar.

Metallic. Almost like blood, but not quite.

Etho smiles, a small, delighted smile. 

“That’s a lovely idea, Joel. Just lovely.”

Joel is brilliant, he thinks.

They’re going to have fun, he thinks.