#its been 3 years of this now i cant imagine going back again after we just pulled ourselves out of this fucking trauma

[essential-randomness]

Today has been the hardest day in a while and sometimes it feels all so pointless

[paiges-1vur]

late night confessions… as always enjoy loves <3

you and paige had been friends since the 7th grade. ever since that one day she scored on you in gym basketball everything became a competition, another chance to win at something. you had been inseparable for the last four years. always hanging out after paiges practices, going to see her play at her games, even going on family vacations together. you did absolutely everything together. as a junior at hopkins paige had started to gain more recognition in the basketball world. and she deserved every ounce of it. she was getting D1 offers, coaches flying to watch her play at aau tournaments, all the works. and you were there through all of it. all of the emotions. the smiles, tears, and celebrations.

it was late, almost 1 in the morning and you couldn’t seem to fall asleep. you were just scrolling your phone. you get a notification, and its from paige. “you awake love?” your a little shocked by the love, but laugh it off. paige is always flirting with people jokingly. “yes paigey, what do you want.” yousay sarcastically. “can i come over?” you stared at the message for a second. you cant help but smile at her request. you quickly text a reply. “cant sleep?” followed up with a “yk what sure come whenever” she replies almost immediately. “make sure to dress comfortably, i plan on having lots of snuggles and snacks.” you laugh to yourself and reply “okay paige ill make sure im dressed appropriately.”

she didnt reply for another two minutes. you spent those two minutes staring at the ceiling, wondering why she couldnt just take some damn melatonin and go to bed. you loved her but sometimes she just couldn’t seem to leave you alone. she texted you again. a sefie of her in her car, with sweats and a hoodie on, showing her outfit while she was sitting down. “okay im coming” she texts. you reply quickly, “bet that” and then “those sweats are so cute can i borrow them sometime.” they actually were really cute sweats and they looked really comfy. all of paiges basketball clothes were comfy honestly. you had ransacked her closet too many times to count. she texted back, “if your lucky i can give you them tonight.” the message caught you off guard. what did she mean by that? while your thinking she texts again, “be there in 5” instead of replying you decide to just turn your phone off. you make a quick stop in the bathroom to make sure you look halfway decent before she arrives. your hair stays in the messy bun it was already thrown in, and your paiges hopkins basketball sweatshirt stays on, along with your plain grey low waisted sweats. you look in the mirror, and put a touch of perfume on before closing the light off and going back to your bed.

she ends up coming 10 minutes later than she said she would be. “im here, open the door” she says, when you don’t immediately reply she texts again, “unless i have to climb through your window to see you” you laugh and run to the door opening it. “someones late” you say giggling. “better late than never, love” she replies smiling down at you.

“its really late, why did you come over?” you ask. she responds, “just wanted to see you” shrugging. she gently grabs your hips, pulling you a tad closer to her. “im gonna get cuddles now, hm?” you smile and start to pull away, walking her to your room. “yes paigey lots of cuddles.”

as we walk into my dimly lit room she grins excitedly, pushing you onto the bed gently. she quickly gets on top of you, straddling you. “all the cuddles you could ever imagine right now love-” you look up at her ontop of you “p this doesnt look like cuddling. what are you-” she laughs, gently pinning your wrists above your head as she leans down to place careful kisses along your jaw. “shh, don’t worry about it, babe.” your instantly met with confusion. your intrigued for sure, but mostly confused. “are you okay? i thought we were cuddling but this doesnt look like cuddles” you say as she pauses placing kisses along your jaw. she lets out a hum, nipping at the crook of your neck before responding. “mmm.. i just wanted to have a bit of fun first, doll.” her breath is hot against your skin and you can feel her hands slowly moving down your sides.

you have to speak up. “paige” you say, as firmly as possible. she immediately looks up at you, stopping her kisses momentarily. her hands lay still where they were roaming. “p-paige i thought we were friends-” she bites down on your neck gently before pulling away, looking you in the eyes, her grip on your wrists now loosened. “oh come on love, we are just friends.. having a little fun-” her fingers are now slowly tracing along your abdomen. “well when you said you were coming over i thought this was just another movie night” you explain innocently “you didnt give me any warning. why are you in such a mood, what were you thinking about before you came over?” she pins your wrists down again, holding them tighter. she leans down to your ear, kissing it gently. “mmm.. nothing for you to worry about love.. just wanna have fun.” she rolls her hips against yours just slowly enough to make you whine.

“nothing for you to worry about..” she says again. she smirks and does it again, using her legs to stop you from getting away. “you like that, doll..?” she gently begins to kiss along your neck again. your feeling more and more aroused by the second, but also just as confused. “paige.. were you thinking about me tonight? is that why you couldnt sleep, why you had to text me and come over?” you ask from under her. she laughs quietly before slowly kissing down along your collarbone now. “you know me so well, love~ of course i was.. always thinking about you.” she slowly bites down on your collarbone. she laughs quietly and rolls her hips against yours again, making sure to do it much faster this time. “mm.. you know what i was thinking about.. i just couldn’t stop and it’s your fault~”

your still confused why your friend was acting this way. especially someone like paige who was so close to you. “why all of a sudden were you thinking about me, how is it my fault” you defend yourself, planning to stop whatever shes starting. “you just.. make me so needy at night..” her one hand leaves your wrists in order to gently hold onto your jaw, she slowly drags her thumb across your bottom lip. she leans down to your ear again, her other hand slowly begins to trail down your waist again. “i.. m-miss.. you-” her fingertips gently slide under the waistband of your sweatpants, moving against your waist slowly.

“p-paige what do you want from me?” you squirm under her as she teases you with her fingers. you close your eyes awaiting her answer. she laughs again, noticing how weak you get just from her touch. “i want you, love.. that’s all i’ve ever wanted..” suddenly you think about the last four years of your friendship. has she always felt this way? and why was she just telling you now? she slowly begins sliding her hand under your sweats, but doesn’t go in any further. “is this about my recent breakup p… did you not like him?” you cant help but stop talking and notice her hand creeping down your sweats. she smirks at you, knowing how she has you wrapped around her finger. “mmm i didn’t like him at all love.. always touching you as if it’s his right..” her fingertips tease you, still under your sweats.

“paige” you say, pausing. “i never liked him either.. i always wanted.. something else.” her eyes immediately widen at what you hinted at. your confession catches her off guard. she swallows hard, her grip on your wrists tightening. her hand once again goes back down to the waist band of your pants, this time not just teasing. this time going further than before….

am i evil for ending it off like that?? (yes) im sorry but i got lazy lmao. let me know what you want to see more, or less of from me! ive been on a writing KICK recently so lets see how long it can last. dont be shy to spam anons with any requests/ideas! (also im always up to hear constructive criticism about my writing from you guys! i want to better my fics for you all) please let me know if you liked this, and i cant stress enough how much i love seeing your anons and messages! <3

[amhrosina]

It's Always Been You

Summary: You and Miguel are forced to confront your feelings for one another after a dangerous mission goes awry.

Pairing: Miguel O'Hara (Spider-Man 2099) x fem!Reader

Word Count: 1.9k

masterlist // join my taglist // follow me on instagram & ao3

a/n: i cannot stop thinking about this man ohmygod anyways im overwhelmed by the love being shown for my other miguel fic and cant wait to add more to this community!!! thank you!!! (should i do a part two with smut? like friends to lovers first time?? lemme know <;3)

warnings: friends to lovers, arguing, some angst, love confessions!!!!!, reader calls miguel a name, idiots in love tbh, references to a dangerous situation (but no details i kept it super vague lol), starts to get a little suggestive at the end but is like 99% fluff

Miguel was ignoring you. Not in the usual, self-brooding, grumpy way he sometimes did when he was having a bad day, but in the way that told you he was furious with you. Anger had been radiating off of him in waves since your chaotic return to Nueva York a few hours earlier, and you, along with every other Spider-person at headquarters, was avoiding his workspace like the plague. It wasn’t like you hadn’t tried to console him, but you knew, probably better than anyone, that when Miguel wanted to brood, he would. You would try again later, and eventually you’d make him laugh, and the world would right itself again. It always did.

Spider-Woman huffed, plopping into the seat next to yours in the cafeteria, slamming her tray down hard enough to knock your tablet on its side. Clearly, she was upset about something. 

“Is everyone pissed off today?” You asked indignantly.

She glared at you, shoving a bite of sandwich in her mouth before answering.

“Miguel’s being pissy.” She glared at you. “And it’s your fault.”

“I can’t imagine why. We got the guy, didn’t we?” 

“We both know what you did was reckless.” Her glare intensified, and your annoyance shifted to guilt. It was a reckless move, but it worked. 

“He was being torn to shreds. I did what any of us would’ve done. If he has a problem, he can come talk to me about it instead of hiding from all of us like a teenager.”

Her gaze softened. “He has a lot on his plate.”

“So?” You combatted, annoyed all over again.

“So, I think maybe what happened today scared him, and he doesn’t know how to process his feelings about it.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” You shrugged, refusing to meet her gaze.

“You’re his best friend, and he almost lost you today. Go talk to him.” She suggested, patting your shoulder. “I think it’ll do everyone some good. And I do mean everyone. He’s scary when he’s mad.”

You shrugged her off, finishing your dinner in silence. If Miguel was so pissed, why couldn’t he come talk to you about it? Why, after years of knowing each other, were you still the one approaching him with an apology? Why couldn’t he just say what he meant for once?

But of course, after you finished your dinner and realized, hopelessly, that the only person you wanted to see was, in fact, Miguel, you huffed and began the trek to his office, where you knew he’d still be brooding.

The tension in the building had lessened after many of the spider-people had returned to their own universes, glad to get away from the uncomfortable elephant in the room, but that didn’t stop your stomach from clenching when you rounded the corner into Miguel’s dim, untidy workspace.

He was hunched over his desk, scribbling something down on a piece of paper. From your position, you had a clear view of the damage that had been done to his back earlier that day. You winced, thinking back to the few seconds of absolute terror you’d experienced when you’d seen the anomaly tearing into Miguel’s skin. The claw marks had already healed a little, now just raw, nasty looking scratches down the curve of his spine. 

He turned at the sound of your footsteps, though he had likely heard you coming since you stepped foot out of the cafeteria. Anger flickered in his cold gaze, but he was still here, decidedly not hiding from you, which was a good sign. You stepped into the workspace, setting the extra food you’d bought for him down before fully turning to face him.

“Hey.” You murmured. “Brought you some dinner.”

His gaze flicked from your awkward stance to the box of food on the table. “Thanks.”

Short. Blunt. To the point. You sighed.

“You’re still mad, then?” You asked, crossing your arms.

“Are you saying I shouldn’t be mad at the stunt you pulled today?” He glared, standing to his full height and towering over you.

“I’m saying you shouldn’t be mad at me for saving your life, asshole.” You looked up at him, refusing to back down.

“I had it under control. It was my anomaly to handle.” His nostrils flared with anger. 

You threw your hands up indignantly. “It was our anomaly to handle, and I handled it just fine! In case you don’t remember, I was good enough at handling myself to be recruited by you for this stupid team!”

“What you did was incredibly stupid. The anomaly could have killed you. Don’t you get that?”

“The anomaly was killing you. I did what I thought was best-”

“Exactly. You did what you thought was best and didn’t think once about the team. You risked an entire universe to show off!” He cut you off, slamming his hands on the desk on either side of you, effectively cornering you.

Your voices had risen considerably since your initial arrival, and you were now inches apart, screaming at each other.

“To show off?” You pushed at his enormous chest, vision blurred with a mixture of tears and anger. “I risked an entire universe to protect you, you asshole! Everything I do is to protect you.”

He grabbed your wrists, easily stopping your arms from pushing him again. 

“You could have died.” He grunted, squeezing your wrists.

“Why do you even care, Miguel? The anomaly was taken care of, just like it always is. We’ll go take care of another one tomorrow, just like we always do.”

“Because I love you, obviously!” He yelled, releasing his grip on you and taking a full step backwards. Stunned into silence, neither of you said anything for a full ten seconds. He began pacing in front of you, hands on his hips, breathing heavily as the magnitude of what he’d just revealed fully hit him. He paused when he heard you sniffle, and began speaking.

“I love you. Can’t you see that?” He asked, stepping close to you. Tears welled in your eyes, and you couldn’t bear to look up at him for fear that it might be a dream, or worse, a cruel trick of his. “I care because I love you, and I almost lost you. I-” he swallowed thickly, “I almost lost it when I realized what you were doing. And when we couldn’t find you after? That was the worst thirty seconds of my life.” He shook his head, clearing the thoughts from his mind. “I can’t lose you. Do you understand that? You’re mine. I can’t lose you, baby.”

You finally lifted your chin, meeting his gaze. He tentatively cradled your cheeks, wiping away the stray tears that had snuck down your face during his speech. 

“I love you, too.” You murmured, nuzzling into his palm. “But you can’t expect me to just watch while you’re being torn to shreds. I had to do something.”

He nodded, though it clearly pained him to agree with you about it. “I know. And I know you can handle yourself. I’m sorry for getting so angry, but you have to understand that your safety is the most important thing to me when we go chasing after anomalies. And I know that it should be saving the universes that we’re in, but it’s not. It’s you, and it’s always been you. Don’t ask me to change that. It will always be you.”

You blinked up at him in stunned silence, nodding. You couldn’t remember when your feelings for Miguel had shifted to something beyond friendly, but you’d never before allowed yourself the fantasy of him loving you in return. It was something you’d come to terms with months ago, accepting that you’d never get to hold him the way he deserved to be held. But now he was standing with you, holding you, begging you to understand that all of his anger has been out of pure, unselfish love for you. 

“I won’t ask you to change that.” You conceded, a small grin forming on your face, “As long as you promise to at least try to stay out of harm’s way.”

“I promise, but you know harm seems to seek me out no matter what.” His grin mirrored the one on your face. He shifted his head down, stopping only centimeters away from your lips. “If I asked you to kiss me right now, would you?”

“That depends.” You breathed, heart thundering in your chest. “Are you going to be this dramatic every time I save your ass, O’Hara?”

He chuckled, cradling your head in his massive hands. “Maybe. Yes. Definitely.”

You shrugged, nodding. “Okay.”

“Okay?” He asked, eyes flicking between your gaze and your lips.

“Okay.” You bobbed your head once and then leaned in.

He captured your lips in an earth-shattering kiss, exploring every inch of what you offered to him eagerly. His hands roamed the length of your body, pulling you fully against his heated skin. You melted into him, pliable to his every whim and desire, going exactly where he wanted you to go, doing exactly what he wanted you to do. Heat coiled in your entire body, poised to erupt at the slightest touch he offered. You reached forward, tugging at the material around his waist. If he wasn’t inside of you soon, you thought you might explode. His hands wandered below your waistband, too, eager to please.

A loud clunking sound from around the corner had you springing apart, panting, overheated, and completely high off one another’s touch. It wasn’t that you were embarrassed to be seen kissing Miguel. In fact, you were planning on kissing him at every moment possible, if he’d let you. It was the fact that you’d very nearly allowed him to strip you naked and have his way with you in his very public office. He seemed to be thinking the same thing, coming to his senses and adjusting the uncomfortable looking bulge in his pants as the sound of footsteps grew nearer.

“Miguel, you’re going to be in an even worse mood if you don’t just go talk to her. I mean, really, you’re both acting like idiots and clearly love each oth- oh!”

Spider-Woman came into view, waving her hands frantically and then doing her very best to hide the smile growing on her face. You shifted your feet awkwardly, trying your best to look like you hadn’t had Miguel’s tongue shoved down your throat ten seconds earlier. Miguel, as stoic and unperturbed as ever, had simply bent down and returned to scribbling on the paper from earlier, which made you involuntarily scowl. He always looked so cool. It was annoying.

“Am I…interrupting something?” Spider-Woman asked, smirking. Clearly, you weren’t doing a great job hiding anything from her. 

“What was that you were saying when you came in? Something about my mood?” Miguel asked, lifting his gaze to hers.

“Oh, nothing!” She grinned, turning on her heels and leaving the room as fast as she had entered it.

Miguel looked at you, suddenly shy now that you were alone together again. “Wanna bet how long it’ll be before she spills the beans to someone about us?”

You barked a laugh. “I’ll give you my entire paycheck if she hasn’t announced it to someone already.” 

Tag List:

@foxglove-grove @lavnderluv @khaleesihavilliard @alexxavicry @hallecarey1 @km-ffluv @chiaraxtargaryen @trulylavandedarling @D0wnbad @deliciousfestsalad @lilyevans1 @imagineadream @22carolina08 @definitelynotsugar @casualchaoticdevil @peachy-flxwr @nashja @xshewayout @blep--bloop @kpopgirlbtssvt @aynsleywalker @queenofthenoobs @ostricx @horrorflix @anthonymackiehasmyheart

[ilwonuu]

hihi imagine being in a secret relationship with jaehyun as idols and going to a bruno mars concert

and the song finesse comes on and the part where it says « fellas grab ur ladie if ur ladie fine » and that somehow s gets them discovered .???

idk y can like imagine the rest tyy if u do this ✊

THANK YOU FRO YOUR REQUEST <3 I HOPE U LOVE IT

.★ ᦃ ۰finesse. j.jaehyun

summary- you and your boyfriend accidentally reveal your secret relationship.

warnings-affection, slight angst, idol!jaehyun,idol!reader, exposed relationship, kissing, sweet bf jaehyun

authors note-help im so sorry if this is terrible 💔

your boyfriend surprised you with tickets to a bruno mars concert. you were beyond excited. bruno mars and you get to go with jaehyun. you were happy that you got that opportunity. a little nervous about you two being seen together.

“you ready baby?” he asks you as you two are waiting for a staff car to pick you two up. “yes im so excited!!” he pulls you into his arms kissing your face.

“the staff is here let’s go!” he says before you two leave for the concert.

—

you two arrive quickly making it into the venue with all the other attending. you two find your seats waiting for the concert to start.

“it’s gonna be great!” he says looking around you two. he smiles at you adjusting his hat.

—

the concert was something you have never experienced in your life. you were having a great time. the whole time you and jaehyun singing to eachother. as your and jaehyuns favorite song “finesse” starting to play.

you are jaehyun singing and dancing together to the lyrics.

you two getting lost in the moment. as the lyrics “fellas grab your lady if your lady fine” jaehyun pulls you into his arms singing the lyrics to you. causing you both to smile into eachothers touch.

you sing the lyrics back with him holding him aswell. “i love my lady.” he says kissing your cheek. “i love you too jaehyun.”

—

you and jaehyun make your way home after the concert ends. “thank you for taking me baby.” you pull him into a kiss. “of course my pretty baby.” he smirks kissing your neck before he gets interrupted quickly. getting a call from the company.

he makes a weird face at his phone before answering. “hello?” he asks listening shortly to what he is being told on the phone. “what? seriously? shit okay.” you are now beyond confused but slightly nervous about the way he was reacting to the words. “yea okay i’ll say something.” he nods again before putting his phone away.

“y/n..” he says looking at you softly. “whats wrong jae?” you move to pull him into a quick hug. “nothing really just something happened with the concert.” you look at him clueless.

“someone followed us at the concert baby. they took photos and posted them online everywhere. the company says we need to say something.” you are beyond shocked.

you and jaehyun have been dated for a little over a year. you two were happy with your fans not knowing about your relationship.

“what do we do jae?” he shrugs. “hey its okay baby. i know fans can be crazy but i’m not leaving your side.” he rubs your side to give you a little bit of comfort. “the company says that we should release something from us personally.” he sighs kissing your cheek.

“so they don’t care about how you being in a relationship will affect your image jae?” he shakes his head. “i guess not. but what about your love? this is gonna affect you two.” he sighs again. “i know but you’re in a big group. i’m sorry this is just crazy? we we’re having so much fun. the fact that someone followed us is crazy to me!” you say quickly sitting on your bed, jaehyun joining you shortly after.

“i know. i cant believe it. i thought we were covered up enough!” he rolls his eyes before grabbing his phone.

“i can post something on my account. don’t worry babe.” he kisses your head. you nod at his words moving closer to him.

_jeongjaehyun

_jeongjaehyun: i guess this is my way of saying the rumors are true. i love my girlfriend <3

comments are turned off.

“done!” he smiles at you softly and pulls you into his arms. “don’t stress okay? we can adjust to this together okay?” he pulls you into a quick kiss.

[writingstoraes]

begin again 🌷 (split pt. 3)

pairing: charles leclerc/fem!reader

type: instagram imagine, social media au

notes: the long awaited part 3! this took so long only cause i had no idea how i want it to go lol anyway i hope u guys love this one :D lmk what u think!

about: almost a year after your split with charles, fans take a trip down memory lane and wondering why the two of you seemed to have watered things down after soft launching other people months ago. a bunch of rumors also set twt crazy along with speculations at your paddock appearance where you apparently support ferrari.

read: part 1, part 2 (can read on its own, but the parts provide context hehe)

yourusername

liked by isahernaez, lilymhe, landonorris, and 231,298 others

yourusername back at the happiest place on earth ❤️

lilymhe Have fun, love xo

yourbff Looking that good just to watch a race????

tyretactics QUEEN I ALWAYS LOOK FORWARD TO YOU EVERY RACE

charliez1655 miss mam twt is on fire we all miss you 😪

leclercsluv wdym shes almost always at every race ricciardoshooey no they meant w charles lol

yourusername recently added to her instagram story!

Now playing: Charles Leclerc, 2023 Austrian GP, Post-Sprint Shootout Interviews

yourusername

liked by yourbff, lilymhe, carlossainz55, and 210,593 others

yourusername on a wednesday, in a cafe, i watched it begin again

lecslover looking GOOD AS HELL QUEEN

sainzplaylist god shes back to the man shes been soft launching i think i am going to be: sick

1655lecs that might be charles, we don't know 🙏 sainzplaylist yeah i think its time we let that go lol

wagsqueens mam im sorry wym by begin again???

charles_leclerc

liked by pierregasly, finemidnights, carlossainz55, and 982,221 others

charles_leclerc It's nice to have a friend 🌅

tyreexpert u cant tell me thats not y/n 😪 she's his friend after all...

joris__trouche Looking sharp!

lecssainz16 war is over you guys theyre back at it i am in my acceptance stage now

Some months later...

yourusername

liked by charles_leclerc, pierregasly, lilymhe, and 756,293 others

yourusername i am and willl always be your number one fan. words cannot encapsulate how proud i am of you; truly, you deserve all of this and so much more. congratulations, my love ❤️

it's nice to see you running towards me again :)

ps. yes we've been soft-launching each other the past months hahaha

leclercfan AM I DREAMING SOMEONE PINCH ME

livwatchraces i screamed when i saw you guys on the screen!!!

carlossainz55 Aaand they're back 🎉

charles_leclerc Thanks, number one shipper

charles_leclerc

liked by landonorris, maxverstappen, arthurleclerc, and 1,982,384 others

charles_leclerc Sunshine in human form.

A few months ago, I started hanging on to the fact that in good faith and in good time, things will eventually work its way out. Almost a year ago, it seems as if we have closed a chapter but today, we are living proof people who are made for each other can begin again.

Ce sera toujours toi 🤍 It will always be you.

scuderiaferrari We missed you tons, Y/N! ❤️

wagsf1 the queen of all queens is back we love to see it

lecslover it's years later and he still talks about her the same way he always have 🥹

sainzchamp The way theyve been soft launching each other all this time and that one rumor of Charles being with another girl was still Y/N 😭

yourusername sold our apartment already? too bad 😆

charles_leclerc I never actually sold it, if I did, I'd probably buy it back

---------

tagging: @slytherheign, @honethatty12, @siovhanroy, @mehrmonga, @mess-in-side, @leclerc16s, @thelovehypothesis, @dakotali, @aldene-styles

notes: eeee and its finally done! cant believe it took so much time before i finished all three parts lol anyway thank you so much for those who waited for the part three (i see all the asks on my inbox and the comments ehehe) i really just didn't know how i wanted it to go so! i hope you guys love this and lmk what you think <3

[folklorebae]

𝐈𝐧𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐦 𝐀𝐔 - 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐑𝐮𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐬

Spin-off of my rockstar's girlfriend

Cast(s): Rockstar!Eren & Model!Reader

Cw: swearing, reader using she/her pronouns, slight hange x reader, food

A/n: haven't posted anything for months! hope you guys love this one<33

Liked by sashablouse and 4,715,937 others

yourinstagram life recently...

View all 15,725 comments

angelicyn WE MISSED YOUUUU

ynfan23 glad you post this when im still awake

yndaily OMG YOUR PUPPY ISNT A PUPPY ANYMORE. ITS BEEN A LONG TIME SINCE WE SAW HER ON YOUR/EREN'S STORY😭

↳yourinstagram i know! but she's getting smarter and cuter. i love her so much, she's my girl:)

erenfan19 i dont see eren... soo the rumors are true?? :((

↳ynfan24 girl, she's her own person and this is her insta. besides, that man is childish lmao. imagine unfollowing THE Y/N L/N just because she doesn't attend his concert in europe...

14,937 likes

justjared After getting unfollowed by her long-time boyfriend last week, Y/N L/N was spotted walking out of Oscar-winning costume designer Hange Zoe's apartment building this morning. New couple alert?

View all 3,714 comments

ereyn.daily i'm happy if y/n's happy🥲

goddessyn cmon, we all know they've been friends for ages. stop spreading stupid rumor like this

erenfan20 not gonna believe anything till one of them confirm it in front of my face

26,638 likes

paradis.memes Thoughts?

View all 3,926 comments

paradisfan7 Im not believing this shit

erenfan21 she doesnt wanna marry him, im crying😭

↳paradisfan8 she once said she's jo march kinnie😭

↳ynfan25 How do you know she doesn’t wanna marry him? Maybe he doesn't wanna marry her? We don’t know what happened behind the curtain unless Y/N and Eren themselves actually comment on it .

erenfan22 guys, if you read the article that @people posted, at the end they said “Reps for Jaeger and L/N have not commented on the breakup.”

Liked by arminarlert and 3,916,939 others

paradisofficial Paradis World Tour. Antwerp. May, 2023.

View all 9,826 comments

paradisfan9 YOU GUYS WERE SO AWESOME😭❤️

paradisfan10 PLS PLS COME BACK TO ANTWERP ASAP. ALSO THE SURPRISE SONG?!? BED OF ROSES?!?

paradisfan11 so sad cant see you guys perform last night🥲💔

paradisfan12 if you guys dont cover “bed of roses” on your Asia Tour, you're racist.

↳paradisofficial We've agreed that every region will have different song to cover. Thank you for your support😊

↳paradisfan12 OMG I WAS JOKING LMAO (i mean, not really)

Liked by annieleonhart and 2,916,820 others

sashablouse unseen🤓

tagged: @yourinstagram @nicolo

View all 5,919 comments

nicolo 🤍

Liked by sashablouse

conniespringer dude, what were you doing in the first pic

↳sashablouse cause you're just a man 🙄

yourinstagram dont wanna be a third wheel anymore...

11,726 likes

paradisupdatee New Setlist For Europe Tour! I've upgraded the playlist, link in bio.

View all 1,826 comments

paradis.devil see you at accor arena tmrw!!

↳paradisupdatee See you, bby<3

paradisfan13 the fact they didnt cover any song in northern europe countries😀

paradisfan14 I literally flew from brussels to london last month to see them perform AND THEY DIDNT SING BED OF ROSES?!? I WAS ROBBED!!

↳paradisfan15 sameeee i attended some of their shows in us last year and they didn't cover any song 😭

paradisfan16 is this eren's way to confirm the breakup rumors?😭

Liked by carlajaeger and 5,916,028 others

yourinstagram the rumors are terrible and cruel...

View all 29,317 comments

ynln.jpg dont tell me you're in paris...

taylorswift but honey, most of them are true🤭

Liked by yourinstagram

↳yourinstagram patiently waiting for 1989 (Taylor's Version)😊🙏

↳ynfan25 soo the rumors are true?🥲

↳ereyn.daily i'm in spain without s

ereyn.exposing Whatever ereyn does is only for promo. It's a fact that eren is not going to follow y/n or ever going to post her picture on his Instagram again.

↳yourinstagram seems like you guys have been talking about this and tag me in a few posts everyday. but now please, i beg you to stop. it's just negative, i really have no hard feelings towards you. i just know what a beautiful world there is to go out and live in instead of trying to dissect a relationship between two people that you don't even know. i don't need his follow, my name is permanently tattooed to his arm. This is my final comment on this, but i want you to know that it's not meant to offend you. just hoping you can find something else in life to be inspired by xx

↳erenfan23 OMG OMG OMG YESS YOU TELL THEM QUEEN

↳ynfan26 FINALLY PEOPLE COULD SHUT THEIR MOUTH NOW. THESE "EXPOSING" ACCOUNTS ARE ANNOYING AF

↳erenfan24 I think you should've messaged them, instead of calling them out publicly like this. no offense, still love you tho

↳yourinstagram i see why you think that ought to have been a direct message, and i agree. i just didn't considered it. it's all really frustrating, and i'm only human... you guys understand how hurtful assumptions like this can be, especially when they are made about someone i care about a lot. if you guys care about him too, you'll eventually realize that we are on the same team. i apologize if it came off as impolite or rude. i was simply attempting to start a conversation so people would realize that their statements were painful rather than just an "anonymous confession." this cruel internet culture has no benefit for society as a whole. 

19,862 likes

ereynpost “You guys are crazy, you know that? No... I don’t think my girlfriend and I need another dog for now. What about you, Jean?” — Eren laughs as he answers a fan's sign.

USHSSUDSHDUAJSYSHS GUYSSS THE RUMORS ARENT TRUEEEE THEY'RE STILL TOGETHER OMFG!!!!

View all 3,749 comments

its.ereyn Girl, I almost deactivate this account

↳ereynpost PLS, SAME😀

ynfan27 OMG MY EREYN HEARTTT

erenfan25 PARENTS OMG😭😭😭

ynfan28 I can die in peace now, thanks

Liked by mikasackerman and 6,948,163 others

erenjaeger My love, my lady, the most precious human on this earth. I'm really grateful because we have an incredibly meaningful, loving, and fun relationship. As you guys know, this world is cruel and I'd do anything to make her the happiest, but I've failed to do it. I personally love it when people make assumptions or speculations about me, because I know they all wrong. But when people start to say something hurtful to my woman, I can't tolerate it.

Six years of relationship and we have never ever broken up, not even once, if that's what you all really want to know. She's my present and future, she's the one who teaches me how forever feels. The love I have for her only gets stronger and bigger, it's crazy to think about it. Thank you for all the love and support, we really appreciate it.

View all 53,027 comments

erenfan26 I TOLD YOU ALL THEY'RE ENDGAME

ynfan29 how to find myself a man like you😭

erenfan27 oh he is, he really is in love🥹❤️

yndaily the fact that i'll never experience this type of love hurts a lot. but i couldnt be more happier for you two💓

jeankirschtein ngl, at first i did believe you two broke up

↳erenjaeger bro, fuck off

↳erenfan28 LMAO JEANNNN, IM CRYINGG😭😭😭

ereyn.daily As iconic as David Bowie and Iman❤️

↳yourinstagram thank you, but I don't deserve this compliment. also, your comment will boost eren's ego, he'll think he's as good as him

↳erenjaeger why would you say that:(

(+bonus on what really happened lol)

[transmascanakin]

For the varmitech bro au

1. Does Martin remember Chris? Does he know how he could've/should've looked like?

2. How brainwashed is Chris? How much does he actually believe?

3. Do the Kratt parents take any role in the au?

4. Can we get more Tortuga crew??? How does Martin deal with missions alone, how do the others react to him?

Ty for the ask anon ! Honestly some of these questions are things i originally wanted to include in the explanation post but ended up deleting because i didnt want to make it too lengthy so Im glad to talk about them now!

1. Martin doesnt remember Chris clearly, he has some blurry memories and flashes but its mostly the feelings he remembers if that makes sense. Like how he was close with Chris and loved him a lot, the feeling of fear everyone felt when Chris went missing and the despair when no one could give them closure, how lonely he felt after.

He doesnt really know what Chris could look like, maybe he likes to imagine, but you cant really get accurate answers like that. Also with cases like his you often see detectives constructing images of what the missing kids could look like now years later and I thought about Chris getting one of these done but he probably would only do that if he sorted through everything else because while Martin thinks his brother is alive, Chris firmly believes that he died a long time ago. He doesnt really think the image would be useful

2. Hes half brainwashed and half doesnt remember a lot of things naturally because of a traumatic reaction. What he has been told was that they have been through a traumatic accident (like a car crash) of some kind that damaged his brain temporarily and thats why he barely remembers anything from his early childhood and has some memories that never actually happened (the memories of the Kratt family) and he believes thats true because frankly, he has no reason not to. Maybe he questioned it when he was younger, but as an adult your childhood memories get really blurry (especially if youve been through something traumatic) so he kind of just accepted the car crash excuse to be true. He suspects there's something hes not being told but he doesn't even think of him being kidnapped as a possibility

3. A little, yes ! The reason Martin wanted his brothers case to be investigated again was actually because of how bad it affected his parents even after 20 years, which is just the sad reality of missing child cases. This part is unfortunately not that well developped yet, but maybe the Kratt brothers father fell really ill and Martin was worried hed have to pass away without knowing what happened to Chris, or maybe they got divorced after not being able to move on from the incident evem after all that time, ill have to think about it but whatever happened motivated Marin to contact detective Chris.

Either way I do have 2 scenes in my head that include atleast one of them ! The first one is where Chris and Martin go back to Martins childhood home to search the area again, and they briefly talk to mama Kratt who still lives here, and she takes one look at Chris with a mothers eye and thinks "wow he looks exactly like Chris" and although she doesnt believe its actually him she does think its some sign from the universe or idk something sentimental !! I just rhink itd be sweet of her. I also think itd be interesting from the pov of Chris because this is a maternal figure who treats him really nice and he just cant help but notice how different his mom is from Martins yk sad feelings...

Also Chris gets to reunite with his parents after everything goes down :)

4. Hell Yeah!!

Martins missions here are a bit more professional as he doesnt really have anyone to goof around with but he still has fun because he gets to gush about animals to the team.!! (He definitely wishes he had someone with him out in the field) Also i guess the villains are also interesting here because dealing with them alone causes confrontations to drag out, and they also become harder and more serious, especially with Zach as he got a big advantage with 'the crawler'. Aviva does jump in to help a lot but shes a bit limited because at this point she hasnt finished making her own cps yet (this might become relevant later i havent decided yet.)

In the last part I assume you were asking about how they feel about Chris, and they do meet a lot while Martin and Chris are working on the investigation, and Koki actually helps them a lot with her computer skills. The crew also grows pretty close to Chris, i mean he kinda just clicks with them, and he latches onto them a lot as he hasnt really had proper friends before. Like ever. Basically theyre just found family i love them. !!!

Sorry for making this so long haha I just love talking about this au... I hope these answers satisfied!

[kakashisenppai]

hi! welcome back! may i request some dad!kakashi hcs?

omg just thinking about dad!kakashi makes my heart melt, i originally thought about him having a daughter but i think you can read it as it was a boy just aswell, and i imagine them being like 3-4yo. anyway, hope you like it! let me know what you think!!!

dad!kakashi who everyday wakes up early to make them breakfast, most times just simple animals shape pancakes that he knows it will make them smile.

dad!kakashi who cant never say no to them, of course he didn't want them to be spoiled but he couldn't deny anything they asked. playing with dolls? yes. dressing up as characters? sure. tea party? of course. playing in the mud? absolutely. drawing on the wall? make sure to hide it from you.

dad!kakashi who didn't think he was going to be a good father when you told him you we're pregnant, but couldn't imagine his life without your children now.

dad!kakashi who always took you two on walks by the creek, one hand holding yours and the other one on his pocket, watching carefully your children walk in front of you two, always getting distracted by their surroundings. most times his ninken were there too, and while you and him sat on the grass and enjoyed each other presence, they would play with your kid and you two would just watch it in pure bliss.

dad!kakashi who always carries them when they're asleep, holding them carefully and slowly walking back home, not wanting to wake them up after consuming so much energy after playing all day.

dad!kakashi who reads for them every night before they go to sleep, always making sure to change his voice in certain characters lines.

dad!kakashi who every night tells them 'i love you' before giving them a forehead kiss and making sure their puppy plush were there for them to hold at night.

dad!kakashi who sometimes does not wakes up early, but gets woken up in his favourite way instead, with your kid happy voice jumping on the bed and a caressing kiss on the cheek from you.

dad!kakashi who don't rush his kid way to the academy, if they want to be a ninja just like their parents its okay for him, he would teach they everything they wanted to know, but at the same time making sure they're happy and enjoying their childhood just like any other kid, no pressure at all.

dad!kakashi who loves just sitting on the couch, you three together plus the dogs, under the blanket and watching a movie peacefully on rainy days.

dad!kakashi who on the same day when the lights goes out because of the rain, tells histories to your kid, most of them about him and you, and how after so many years loving you he finally made you reciprocate his feelings, which you always corrected him saying you always did but he was too 'silly' to notice.

dad!kakashi who on the nights they would wake him up, afraid about the monster under the bed or hiding on their closet, he were always there to calm them down and to make sure there weren't any monsters, even threatening the said monsters if they dared to scare his kid again.

dad!kakashi who most of his days he liked to spend his time holding you tight, watching the little piece of love you two created together, not believing how he got so lucky.

_________

"but dad what if they come back?" he had been asked, watching the concerned look on his kid face.

"if they come back me and mom will be here to protect you pup, and they would have to deal with a very angry me for scaring you again, they would be in trouble for sure" he said stroking their hair.

"what are you going to do with them? are they going to be grounded?"

"worst, pup", he looked in their eyes with mischievous smile on his face "i'm gonna make them eat all the broccoli we have on the fridge".

"oh my god" they said afraid for the monsters.

[moxielynx]

@whatudottu hihihihiiiii so ur ramblings about tetrax has me wanting to talk about tetrax cause i will take any opportunity to talk about him

d-23 tetrax is cool even if he didnt speak much in the episode, honestly d-23 ben deserved to be smacked around a little (/J /J that kid is like 13 😭), the twist that they were actually the good guys this whole time was great, especially since sixsix was also working with azmuth, which was a nice perspective

i like to imagine that d-23 tetrax is actually a total sweetheart and didnt actually like fighting ben since ben is just a dumb kid who doesnt know any better (even if he is a stubborn brat)

im pretty certain that petropia in the reboot is perfectly fine because for a while Vilgax wasnt. Vilgax, so he couldn't have hired Tetrax to steal whatever that crystal was from petropia then destroy it, so reboot tetrax is just what happens as a result of Tetrax not facing the consequences of his actions so now he's a MEANIE!!! but the dad instinct is still there judging from the way he interacts with Ben in "Mutiny for the Bounty"

as much as i prefer classic tetrax i really like that they went with a completely different approach with reboot tetrax, and like it makes sense too considering theres no way petropia would be destroyed in the reboot as well if vilgax couldnt do it (if petropia were to also get destroyed in the reboot then that would be so funny cause that basically means the planet is fucked no matter what 💀💀), its really cool to see that this might be what tetrax was like before working for vilgax and makes me really think about how different each version of tetrax is, and only makes me even more depressed that we never got prime tetrax in Omniverse, especially since there could've been so many moments where tetrax could've showed up

classic tetrax obviously isnt as cruel and uncaring as we see in the reboot or as he said when he was telling ben about his backstory because if he really didn't care as much but was like "okay this is fucked up i need to get my act together" then he wouldn't have looked so distraught watching his planet fall

i refuse to acknowledge the change in reaction in uaf tho cause it fucking SUCKED they cant just turn him into this stoic fucking guy after he literally shows up and shakes ben like a rattle, that and also they obviously didnt gaf about his backstory cause in the og backstory you can tell petropia's destruction was YEARS, probably decades ago cause he had those back spikes and even a different outfit but in the uaf version its just the same exact model THEY DONT CARE ABOUT TETRAX LIKE I DO!!!!!!

uaf tetrax made me so sad because i was already insane about the idea of dadtrax because of Secret of the Omnitrix, but when tetrax first showed up in uaf he picked up ben and for some reason my first thought was "omg is he going in for a hug" only to have that ripped away from me when he just straight up starts shaking ben around like a ragdoll 😭like imagine you dont see a guy for like 6 years, last time you saw him he helped you save the world/galaxy, and the first thing he does is fucking shatter you for no reason (or at least appears to be no reason), and all you get from it is a "sorry but i had no time to explain", like thats crazy, the REAL tetrax would never harm ben that is his SON !!!!!!!! and then after the single episode we had of tetrax and even petropia we just. never see him or the planet ever again. like we could've had so much world building for petropia and they decided to just throw it out like it was nothing

tetrax is genuinely such a cool character and its horrible how underutilized he is in every show, like yeah he was in 2 (technically 3 counting the reboot) movies but that doesnt really make up for how little we really saw him, especially since like i mentioned earlier prime tetrax wasnt even in OV which is probably the biggest missed opportunity in history, and the strangest part about it is that we got plenty of episodes exploring different planets and even a whole other system (galactic monsters special) so it was literally the perfect opportunity to write an episode about petropia and how its holding up

also never apologize 2 me about rambles, especially rambles about tetrax, i fucking LOVE reading people's silly little thoughts on things they like :3

[sugar-omi]

Incoming ramble I wanna hear you’re thoughts on this cause it’s been on my brain for a little bit and it’s got me in my feels

K so I forget if it’s in the step 3 prologue or in the Drive moment but either way when on the topic of Cove leaving for Nevada every now and again and choosing how your MC feels about it there’s the option to choose that it makes you sad and nervous specifically because the little 8 year old in you (who remember was probably HORRENDOUSLY lonely) was scared that Cove was gonna leave and never come back

Now that option alone already gets to me (cause I relate to it hard cough cough) but just imagine the MC actually confessing to Cove about that fear!! Obviously the MC doesn’t want to make Cove stop going cause yknow he’s literally going to see his own mom but MC also can’t deny that there’s that sad lonely little kid inside their head who just doesn’t want to be left alone again so they’re kinda just stuck in the dilemma. But soon enough after feeling well enough to admit it they finally tell Cove about it and get to actually work it out!!!

It just- AUGH ITS GOT ME EMOTIONAL MAN I CANT-

cove would actually feel so relieved omg bc it makes him sad too and he misses you, ofc ik he says that no matter what but I think he also worries abt leaving n nevering coming back

very traumatized from the move after his mom n dad divorced n he tried to run away bc he missed krya, yk 😟

reassures you that he'll always come back, and that if that did happen he'd prbly try to run away to see you LOL

would offer to take you with him!!! if you're dating ofc you need to work it out w his mom a bit more than necessary but she wouldn't mind if you stayed over or came to hang out w them

I imagine krya spends a Lotta time at work anyway since she can't be on leave the entire time he visits, so she'd be relieved that he has someone to keep him conpany

he talks abt you so much anyway, it's like you're basically there w them already

if you can't or don't want to go with him, he'd video call you sm more

sends lots of pictures n texts and voice messages

tells you basically everything abt his day and sends gm and gn texts

NO VOICE MESSAGES

omg...

coves sleepy, raspy voice saying "good morning" (

sounds like this, would even call you sunshine like sonny did!!!😭😭

I'm falling apart

mmm if he's gone a long time he'd prbly even come see you, or meet you half way

which is stressful bc he has a long drive but he would bc he's crazy abt you

omg gives you a shirt of his.

BUYS MATCHING SHIRTS

omg and asks you what you're wearing every day until you say that shirt n he wears it like "omg!!! what a coincidence!!!!" babe we know u did it on purpose PLEASE

sends you flowers

n by send you flowers I mean asks his dad to pick up some flowers and deliver them to you

sends his dad money too but cliff would prbly pay for them once or twice bc he thinks this is so chge n send the money back to cove so cove is like "dad!!!" n just makes an order on his card bc his dad is so stubborn😭😭

cliff is actually in love w your guys relationship he's so happy,,, pls

I should write some hc's on how cliff feels abt you guys dating bc my man's is so happy!!!! pls. OK anyway

OMG YOU VIDEO CALL N EAT TOGETHER

will ask what you're eating n have the same thing if he can

OMG HE PICKS UP ONE TIME AND HE'S RUNNING ACROSS THE STREET N HES LIKE "WAIT DONT EAT YET I GOTTA PICK UP THE FOOD"

n you can just see his chin, the sky and then it's like kinda black n then for some reason u can see the floor and then he's like "sorry" and he starts running back to his car AGAIN

and so he delicately places the phone down n is panting n just goes, "sorry. I'm ready now" *throws his head back* "omg gimme a minute... man. climbing thru your window really came in handy"

KISSES THE SCREEN

big "mmmmwaahhh!!!"

or tiny "mweh", no in between

falling asleep on the phone too

WOULD TUCK THE PHONE IN.. OMG STOP IT

he's totally normal abt you I swear

[jazzyblusnowflake]

Why not move? I’d never stay in a country that treats its women this way. And you working for the government indirectly supports that. Good luck.

Okay so

i've been mulling over this ever since it came to my inbox and i've been trying to find a way to answer this and NOT be impolite or improper because i am aware that not everyone knows the complications of straight up moving to a different country, as it is not as simple as just moving to a different STATE, like the US, [and to be fair i've heard that even THAT could be stressful] and as someone who has LIVED in 3 countries and has visited another 5+ countries, let me tell you that your question is extremely ignorant and insensitive and straight up hurtful to all the people who both DONT want to leave their communities here and also the people who DO want to leave but are too poor to do so.... because our country, due to the prohibition by good ol' murica has now the lowest money currency value on the PLANET, and we have been suffering in silence for DECADES- with NO way to transfer money into our country- [donation campaigns are usually a scam, pay attention to those please] so in short? we are poor as absolute FUCK-!

and the process of moving somewhere else is already hard enough for people who DONT have as much financial issues, let alone US.

what exactly would anyone propose we do? when we dont have the money to request for any sort of visa, nor to get a house in a different country, nor food, nor for studying, living, getting medical or MENTAL health help- etc etc etc???

and reports of smuggling people out of the country usually come back as human trafficking or the gov blew them up or killed them somehow? idk this has actually happened with a PLANE once-

the only way to leave this country is being filthy rich, fucking LUCKY, or just a very very VERY smart student which again more often than not requires both money AND luck to get accepted in any university... so again.... no money!!!

like im sorry for snapping but here i am being told "why don't you leave" as if i haven't tried to find a way all my life, as if its some sort of sick joke- i cant, i fucking CANT!- i have family members i care about and wouldn't want to leave- other countries treat us like garbage thanks to online media portraying us as monsters- i cant spend another 10 years to study shit all over again just to send a letter to foreign universities with barely enough luck because im NOT that smart at all!! and it reminds me of when i look at my dad and say i wish we lived somewhere else and he looks at me like "then leave" in the cruelest way imaginable because he KNOWS we cant fucking leave due to him being a diplomat-

every country has its own culture and history and communities that they value and want to protect and stand by, so people cant just LEAVE, and even if they do, more often than not, other places would never accept them or appreciate them the same way their own country would. Like did yall tell black people to leave america after the BLM movement when George Floyd got killed? this is our home and we need to stop saying "then leave" and start saying "we need to start fixing this shit"

we are so fucking tired. please stop saying "then leave" if you just "don't want to help"...

as for me working for the gov, my dad is already a diplomat and keeps me away from doing anything against the regime, and also i'm considered one of the LUCKY ones in my country, who has a job that ensures a constant pay since the first semester of UNIVERSITY. im one of the few that could actually have a meal at night without worrying about what i'm going to eat tomorrow, and at the same time i teach kids from the inside to not take shit from the gov. i consider myself VERY lucky.

we aren't playing a videogame to take shallow black and white SIDES- even the protesters have destroyed privet properties and peoples cars and etc etc, and some people straight up want the monarchy system back as if that very system wasn't the entire reason that half of our countries riches and history isn't in the BRITISH museum today instead of their homeland!! this shit started over the freedom to WEAR what we want not to HURT everyone in blind rage!!!

Please never say "just leave" to anyone else ever again, especially to someone who doesn't even know if they'll live another day stepping out of the door, let alone drive all the way to an airport or the country boarders or something.... if they even HAVE the money to go that far.

So thankyou for reading and being concerned in your own way but id rather stay here and die in a country that doesn't accept me as a WOMAN than to live a futureless life in a country that wouldn't even accept me as a PERSON.

[causenessus]

hi my dearest loveliness !! good evening afternoon OR morning I HOPE YOUR DAY IS GOING WELL TODAY!! AND I HOPE YOUVE EATEN!! i literally just woke up (it’s 3pm…. my parents literally watched me come out of my room and were like ???)(you just woke up???)LMFAO BUT BUT i’m back to work tomorrow so i wanted to sleep in a lot today(I HAVE A 9-5:30 RIGHT OFF THE BAT)(MY WORK HATES ME??)but omg i just saw the ask from sav(sorry am i allowed to call her that too)(IM SORRY IDK) and i was like AWWWW “you and your mango anon” I AM NESS’ MANGO ANON idk why i thought it was so cute and sweet like YOU GIGGLE AND READ THEM?? THATS SO CUTE?? IM GONNA EXPLODE?? but let’s all yap together this is yap central(a safe place for yappers)

omg last night i got so many notifs if you answering every ask bat to bat and I FELT SO BAD BECAUSE I WROTE A LOT YESTERDAY BUT YOU STILL ANSWERED EACH ASK WITH LIKE SO SO MUCH PASSION??(idk if that’s the right word) but you always answer each ask with ur heart like non of it is halfassed(sorry am i allowed to swear)(IVE BEEN REFRAINING FROM SWEARING BECAUSE IDK I DONT THINK IVE SEEN YOU SWEAR OUTSIDE YOUR SMAUS???)(or idk i’m crazy i think i’m crazy)

I WOULD SHARE WHAT CONCERT IT WAS LIKE I WAS GOING TO but i was like omg i’m gonna dox myself LOL BUT actually you know what’s so funny i don’t even live in the states(LORE DROP) ALSO DECLAN MCKENNA?? THATS SO COOL THAT YOU GOT TO SEE HIM i think he’s on tour again right now?? or just performing right now (I THINK) im pretty sure i saw on ticketmaster! i would 100% go but literally my bank account is decreasing a little too much for my liking and it’s time to lock in and go ultra saving mode LOL BUT OMG MITSKI??? stop it if i was rich i would 100% fly over to your state and buy tickets for you and me and we could go together and have our losing dogs moment(on repeat by eggy always in my heart)(literally one of my fav smaus LOL)

ness i will read every single part of your response LITERALLY I WILL READ AND ABSORB EVERY PART SO do not worry your pretty little head(as i said this i imagined myself tapping your head with a pretty little fairy stick)BUT OMG ME AND YOU WORKING AT ILLEGAL AGES(actually actually hold on)okay because i started working my retail job when i was 15 but i was like a week away from turning 16 but they accepted me anyways? idk it’s kind of silly but i remember saying i was 15 but turning 16 in a “few days” (i think it was a week and a bit) and they were like mmmm okay! here’s your training days blah blah blah LOL listen i really wanted a job… i always felt bad asking my parents for money so i was like you know what ILL get my own money(here i am 2-3 years later still trapped in retail)also i totally get the hostess thing because my friend works at olive garden as a hostess and like it SOUNDS SO STRESSFUL? because like… you’re kinda in control of how much tips a person gets? (if that makes sense) and it just feels ITS TOO STRESSFUL FOR ME TO FANTOM LIKE i cant i feel like im too much of a people pleaser where id just be like oh! oh you don’t want this table? okay! oh i have you too many tables? i’m sorry! my bad! let me do it! ALSO IDK i hate fixed schedules like i like the random rotation every week LOL like it’s kinda a surprise!! like omg what days am i working today type of thing you know! BUT OMG THEM KEEPING YOU ON STANDBY IS CRAZY AFTER YOU QUIT LOL they love you so much they want to keep you <3 i can’t blame them <3 ness is a very lovable person <3 but restaurant environments are different from retail idk how you do it like I APPAUD YOU AND EVERY OTHER RESTAURANT WORKER because like dealing with hangry people everyday like… i already deal with impatient customers which make me wanna pull my hair like i remember one time during this rush we had everyone on cash like everyone on the tills right and this guy came up to my till and he’s like “yall need more workers” LIKE CANT YOU SEE EVERYONE ON THE TILLS RIGHT NOW??WE ARE TRYING OUR BEST !! and i was deadass like “haha sorry….. would you like a bag for 50 cents?”

ALSO YOURE SO BUSY WHAT?? your schedule is so jacked up HOW DO YOU DO IT??? like literally uni + job AND THEATRE??? and also the fact that you have more than one job?? PLS PLS PLS EAT AND TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF LOVE YOURE GONNA BURN OUT </3

omg if i worked lights with you it would’ve been so so so much better like i’m not discrediting the light people i worked with BUT it was the fact that they were a year younger right so they didn’t really know what they were doing since all our light crew graduated and for some reason people didn’t like doing lights as much? so they were just first years doing lights and i had to help out a bunch and kind of guide them BCUZ IDK WHY MY TECH TEACHER DIDNT DO IT RIGHT so i had to focus on sound PLUS helping the lights people which i don’t really mind too much when we’re just having rehearsals but like during shows i was a little more stressed because they weren’t that confident and was always asking just to make sure and it was 100% not their fault of course but I WAS STILL STRESSED and doing my hardest to help him while trying to also keep track of where the play was(sorry very messy)(i too am like you and i do NOT proof read these whatsoever) IF I COULD I WOULD DROP EVERYTHING AND FLY THERE !! we could be the light + sound duo because i literally miss my tech days like i lowkey thought about doing it in uni but IDK WHY I DIDNT !! I SHOULDVE !! also another suna smau would heal me (LMFAO NO PRESSURE) BUT I LITERALLY LOVE ALL OF INARIZAKI?? like they all have my heart(especially kita and osamu like oh my god)BUT OH MY GOD IF YOU DO I THINK ILL CRY LIKE “OMG THATS ME GUYS” “I AM MANGO ANON !!!” BUT you have sooooo much stuff lined up so DO NOT WORRY TOO MUCH!! what you’ve been giving right now (TRY AGAIN AND TONICS <333) is already so good like the idea and concepts AND IM SO EXCITED FOR THEM TOO AHH

THE CAST NOT BEINF ABLE TO PROJECT THEIR VOICES ARE SO REAL !!! maybe i’m just saying this because i only did plays in high school right so it was a bunch of kids right but it was soooo frustrating because like SPEAK UP but also the fact that some cast got better mics than others? like tell me why i can’t hear this lead but i can hear this random person playing a citizen like?? BUT LITERALLY WHEN MICS DIE I LITERALLY WANNA JUST FALL TO THE FLOOR LIKE and the director is just like “keep going” LIKE DONT KEEP GOING WHAT? I CANT HEAR? like i literally feel like i have to focus my energy like some type of anime character to my ears just to hear a SNIPPET of what they’re saying but then sometimes i get in trouble for missing cues </3 LIKE I’M SORRY IT ISNT MY FAULT LIKE MAYBE GET BETTER SPEAKERS AND MICS?? also not you literally running the whole tech crew like rewiring the motherboard and climbing stuff like ness mvp tech girl LOL BUT I GET NOT WANTING TO THINK ABOUT THOSE TIMES LIKE i swear all tech/cast crew environments are SO toxic like i literally remember one of the cast fainting because like we literally got no breaks at all so she was probably overwhelmed with the lighting and everything else then that’s when the director was like ok… let’s take a break like YOU THINK??

ALSO YOURE SO RIGHT if the previous men i’ve talked to is on tumblr reading cutesy little haikyuu x femreader stuff THEN THATS ANOTHER PROBLEM(NO STOP I LITERALLY GIGGLED SO HARD WHEN YOU SAID THAT LOL)(everytime i read your responses im always smiling and giggling like i always reread it too LOL) but omg ness… the quarantine online gaming breakout season is such a canon event like BECAUSE ME TOOOOO LOL(we are so soulmates) mine was a mix of minecraft and roblox and I LITERALLY MET A WHOLE GROUP ONLINE TOO IT WAS CRAZY the ptsd flashbacks is so real but THATS SO GIRLBOSS OF YOU LIKE YES!! CALL MEN OUT ON THEIR SHIT!!(sorry swearing again) BE NO MANS PEACE!! i will literally find him and politely beat him up for you <333 TIME FOR LORE DROP AND IF THE PERSON READS THIS THEN ??? WELL ??? oh well LOL but anyways so i was in this little online group idk i kind of just found them through twitter and i was like WHY NOT so i became friends with this guy he went by socks(discord names are so real)and like we got really close right and like he was the only person i really VC’d with (AND AND TO BE FAIR I THINK ITS BECAUSE WE WERE LIKE THE BABIES OF THE GROUP) like we were the same age while everyone else was like 19-25ish now(idk what i was doing hanging out with them as a minor but oh well)(i’m 18 now so it’s ok!)(but i literally don’t talk to any of them now LOL)but i remember this one specific conversation where he was like teaching me spanish?? because i don’t know i was teaching him viet too so it was just a silly little thing and i translated it(this was through texts like i still have the screenshot LOL) and he basically confessed to me through text in spanish right then afterwards they were like JK JK JK!! IDK idk if it was real or not but we drifted a lot after that so idk! sock if ur out there !! im sorry !! to be fair though they didn’t give me a chance to reply because i had to translate it then when i came back to the chat they were like IM JK IM JK SO idk! I GUESS WE’LL NEVER KNOW!! also i will def report back when i get a poke bowl but im very very picky about the way i eat raw fish bevause sometimes it’s okay but when there’s an overwhelming amount i kind of get scared and im like hmmm maybeeee.. not this time… LOL It really depends for me!! but maybe ill try the imitation crab one if i see it!

AND UR SO RIGHT ONE DAY I WILL COME TO YOU AND I WILL BE UR GUARD DOG AT WORK !!! i’m glad yesterday was better! hopefully it keeps getting better, i will fight off the bad omens for you ness i will stand in the front lines fighting them off I COULD NEVER BE DISAPPOINTED IN YOU but i will be a tiny tiny bit upset because I WANT YOU TO EAT WELL AND TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF !! eggs and toast is so real but don’t worry :( a meal is a meal and you did good by getting up and making yourself something small! little steps are okay, i will be here along the way so don’t worry! take your time <333 I HOPE YOU HAVE A GREAT REST OF YOUR DAY!! (it literally took me an hour to write this because now it’s 4:30)(BUT i did eat in between writing) I HAD RICE AND CHICKEN YIPPPPEE!! i had to take a little break to eat then i continued writing LOL(but so real on saying ill go back but you never do because … me too)(i’m too lazy to look back on what i wrote so ill just trust myself) (mango anon loves you very much pls take care of yourself) (ALSO) i just realized i could make the font smaller (thank you again sav for the idea) so it would be easier to scroll pass these LOL BUT ANYWAYS MAKE SURE TO EAT AND REST WELL !!! xoxoxoxo

HELLO MY LOVE!!! MY DAY WAS PRETTY OKAY!! BESIDES THE CAR CRISIS OFC 😭😭 AND PLEASE WAKING UP AT 3PM IS SO REAL I'VE DONE THAT BEFORE </33 AND ESPECIALLY IF U WORK A 9-5:30 TOMORROW DEFINITELY GET ALL THE SLEEP YOU CAN GET!! REST UP AND TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF PLS <3 MAKE SURE TO DRINK LOTS OF WATER AND BRING PLENTY WITH YOU TOMORROW AND PLEASE EAT!! and don't apologize at all you're def okay to call sav sav as well (i'm pretty sure!!) AND YOU ARE MY MANGO ANON <33 AND I LOVE U SM!! AND I LOVE UR PARANTHESES LMAO THEY'RE SO CUTE <3 YES YAP CENTRAL!!

AND omg mango anon i just have to tell you like how honored i am <3 like i feel so seen by you!! the way you see the passion in my writing and like notice that i don't curse outside of my writing pls :(( my face is literally going :((( rn /pos i try not to curse outside of my writing just bc it's not my thing!! but ofc you can and like sometimes i still do!! definitely do whatever you want AND SORRY FOR ALL THE NOTIFS YESTERDAY AND TODAY SINCE I'M DOING THE SAME THING LMAO 😭 i'm the one that lets them bunch up so dw about them at all!! and mango anon i genuinely love talking and replying to you so so much AND I'M REALLY SO THANKFUL FOR EVERY ASK FROM ANYONE SO OFC I'LL BE ANSWERING IT WITH PASSION!! I GET WHAT YOU MEAN ENTIRELY AND I'M GLAD THAT GETS ACROSS WELL <3 I JUST APPRECIATE YOU ALL SM <3

AND YOU DEF DON'T HAVE TO SAY WHAT CONCERT YOU WENT TO!! I WAS WORRIED ABOUT LIKE THAT DOXXING U OR SOMETHING bc i had no idea you didn't live in the states!!! i definitely automatically assumed that and that maybe u had went to a different state since we were in the same timezone for a little bit but that makes total sense and that was my bad for assuming 😭😭 BUT AA YES!! I'D LOVE TO SEE HIM AGAIN AND MAYBE I WILL <3 LIKE HIS TICKETS DEF ARE NOT BAD PRICING AND HE'S AMAZING!!! i'm just insanely broke and like ik he's touring with sabrina carpenter rn or something??? which is super cool and good for him!! and sabrina's cool but i don't think i'd enjoy or be able to afford her concerts 😭 and that's okay!! maybe my tickets were cheap the time i went to see him bc it was a little more niche <3 AND AAA YES I WISH WE COULD SEE MITSKI TOGETHER!! the entire crowd would be in tears over i bet on losing dogs like that's our national anthem FRFR!!!!

I WAS IMAGINING THE PRETTY LITTLE FAIRY STICK WITH U thank you for tapping my head <33 AND I ALSO READ ABSORB EVERYTHING U TELL ME SO PLEASE YAP AS MUCH AS YOU WANT!! AND DON'T EVEN WORRY ABOUT SMALL FONT IF YOU DON'T WANT TO <3 YOU DO WHATEVER YOUR PRETTY LITTLE HEART DESIRES!!! (i am giving ur heart a kiss rn mwah <3) BUT PLEASE THE ILLEGAL JOBS FR SOME PLACES BE CRAZY AND THEY STILL GET AWAY WITH IT!!! BUT YOU GET IT EXACTLY like at the restaurant i often work at we often just have a rotation with no server sections bc it's pretty small (i'd only be forced to do sections when i worked with my manager who made me want to DIE and made me cry once i literally ran out and cried next to a steakhouse across from us) and so basically i just sit people at random tables (i always ask them like "is this table okay?" and i'm not really asking them like girl i have better things to be doing than escorting you around this restaurant trying to see what table tickles your fancy the best. i just ask them so i don't sound super forward like "THIS IS YOUR TABLE SUCK IT UP." yk??) and whoever's turn it is next, they get it so i'll tell them like "table three for two people" so like I REALLY DO NOT CONTROL WHAT CUSTOMERS A SERVER GETS BUT THEY ALL COME AND COMPLAIN AT ME FOR HOW BAD THEIR TABLES ARE (probably bc they're trying to guilt trip me or be passive aggressive) BUT LIKE WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO ABOUT IT?? I'M NOT PURPOSELY GIVING PEOPLE BAD OR GOOD TABLES LIKE 😭😭 and i'm sure it's even worse at places like olive garden which are way bigger! and you have to work with other hosts and more people so best of luck to your friend she's doing amazing <3 AND YOU GET IT!! LIKE IT'D PROABABLY BE NICE TO HAVE A FIXED SCHEDULE BUT ALSO I COULDN'T DO IT I LOVE BEING SCHEDULED ON RANDOM DAYS EVERY WEEK I NEVER KNOW WHAT'S COMING also the guy who told you you guys needed more workers??? THANK YOU SIR FOR STATING THE OBVIOUS!! I HAD NO IDEA, LET ME, JUST A PERSON WHO WORKS HERE, NOT A MANAGER OR ANYTHING, GO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!! IN FACT, WHY DON'T YOU JUST PUT ON AN APRON AND START HELPING SINCE WE NEED MORE WORKERS!! CONGRATS YOU'RE HIRED!!

THANK YOU SO MUCH MANGO ANON 😭 I ALREADY FEEL SO BURNT OUT I'M REALLY HOPING THINGS WILL CALM DOWN AFTER SEPTEMBER IG (WHEN I STOP WORKING TWO JOBS) OR BY NOVEMEBER AT LEAST (WHEN THEATRE IS OVER) BUT WE'LL SEE </3 i'm sure things will continue to come up but i fr just want to lay down and sleep until 3pm like u did today 😔😔 that sounds so nice </3

AND PLEASE WHY IS YOUR TECH THEATRE STORIES THE SAME AS MINE like i was a run and props kid until my school's musical sophomore year where we got these three boys who all wanted to do tech and we had too many run and props kids so i was like "yk what. let me go to lights so that hopefully u three can be together" which didn't even work out bc one of the boys got thrown into lights with me while the other two were on run and props but were on opposite wings LMAO and so that was my first show doing lights which i did board op for because it was also our last show of the year which was also our like senior who knew everything about lights' last show so after that she GRADUATED and i was the one left to figure everything out 😭😭 and then the year after we lost our senior that knew everything about sound so my senior year was a STRUGGLE omg...bad times. but then i left that department a mess bc i could no longer care. like that lights kid wanted my job so badly? fine, fend for urself bro i'm not teaching u anything (sorry i am spiteful against that kid still LMAO) I ALSO THOUGHT ABOUT DOING TECH IN UNI!! my junior year i was fully planning to go to school to get a bfa for lighting design (new grounds was such a self insert for me LMAO) and my tech director literally pushed me to do it but then i decided i really did not want to be in these toxic stressful environments for the rest of my life 😭 BUT IF I HAD YOU!!! I DEF ACTUALLY WOULDN'T MIND <3 WE WOULD BE THE BEST DUO EVER I KNOW IT!! WE'D BOTH KNOW HOW TO DO OUR JOBS AND THAT WOULD BE LITERALLY GROUND BREAKING!! i mean even just reading ur stories i could feel the stress of like managing EVERYTHING i am so sorry for u mango anon but i am with u completely and from one tech mother to another, thank u for ur services 🫡 (i say tech mother bc WOMEN IN STEM!! in my entire four years of high school our top of the mill techies were always girls until we had this one run and props guy ruin it 🙄 he's actually the same guy who i used to like and the one who my mutual friend tried to get us to go to prom together but like i would NEVER UGHGHGH sorry he's also so frustrating to deal with i need to stop thinking about those times and this is exactly why i didn't actually go into theatre for school LMAOO) BUT YES AAA!! I WILL UPDATE YOU ON THE SUNA TECH SMAU AND I LOVE ALL OF INARIZAKI TOO <33333 haruichi furudate really put his whole budget into that team like please everyone on there is so pretty and beautiful and amazing and pookie shaped i love them sm <33 AND LOWKEY i was feeling like a stage manager reader (probably usually audio head but is stage managing this show) x lights head suna...bc i think that'd just be a crazy dynamic of her lowkey being in a higher position than him and he's just teasing and messing with her the whole time..BUT IDK and ik like theatre works differently in college but THIS IS MY WORLD AND WRITING SO I'LL DO WHAT I WANT!! i also have absolutely nothing actually planned out for the smau so who even knows LMAO THANK YOU FOR TELLING ME TO TAKE MY TIME </3 THERE'S DEFINITELY SO MUCH I NEED TO DO AND TOO LITTLE TIME UEFBIEWIOEGLN

BUT I'M GLAD U HAD THE SAME EXPERIENCES WITH PEOPLE NOT STRUGGLING we did this one horror play (which was SUCH a mess. okay let me just say this. our stage manager full on just gave up like halfway thru and would sit next to me reading vampire books and so same lights kid that kept trying to steal my job decided that it was "UP TO HIM" to save the show HIS WORDS EXACTLY I REMEMBER HEARING ABOUT THIS when literally the entire show was going fine and so basically he was like overthrowing our stage manager and was taking it upon himself to stage manage instead and give cues and just OMG THAT SHOW WAS A MESS BUT ANYWAY) and our main character just would NOT project like she was always cranky the musical we did that year she would just not sing or talk and we were like bro...ur in a musical BUT ANYWAY she wouldn't project we literally ended up hanging a mic and putting a little speaker in the booth so we could hear her bc like it was so important that we heard her lines but we couldn't when we were in a booth behind four windows and a closed door 😭😭

AND HELP YOUR ONLINE STORIES??? I GIGGLED READING ABOUT HIM TEACHING YOU SPANISH AND YOU TEACHING HIM VIET BUT ALSO THE ENTIRE FRIEND GROUP BEING OLDER WHEN YOU WERE A MINOR WAS CRAZY BUT I CAN'T EVEN JUDGE BC THAT WAS ME TOO 😭😭 I FEEL LIKE THAT'S HOW IT ALWAYS IS FOR ME I'M LIKE ALWAYS ONE OF THE YOUNGEST PEOPLE IN A FRIEND GROUP but i cannot imagine what that guy was thinking (i LOVE DISCORD NAMES HOLD ON LET ME GO FIND THE NAME OF MY GUY i think he changed it bc it's froge now...but ANYWAY IT WAS SOMETHING LAME AND SO WAS HIS ROBLOX USER IT WAS PROBABLY SOMETHING LIKE DARK KNIGHT IDK) but i cannot imagine the stress socks was going thru </33 i bet he sent that and then u were like "oh let me go translate it!" and then he was like "OMG SHE DIDN'T RESPOND AND SHE WENT OFFLINE SHE HATES ME" and just flipped and said "jk" bc THERE'S NO WAY THAT WAS JUST A JOKE LIKE U DO NOT TEACH PEOPLE CONFESSIONS LIKE DID THE TAMING OF THE SHREW TEACH U PEOPLE NOTHING THAT IS SO OLD SCHOOL!! (i also never proofread these and just go on tangents and for that, i am sorry </3)

BUT I ALSO DON'T LIKE RAW FISH DW AT ALL!! like they have a hawaiian poke bowl too or something with all raw tuna and i'm like...yeah i'm good actually... and so my only other choice is imitation crab unfortunately 😭 BUT I HOPE YOU FIND SOMETHING GOOD AND LIKE IT!!

MANGO ANON I LOVE YOU SO MUCH AND IT WAS SO GOOD TO HEAR FROM YOU <3 I ATE A BAGEL HALFWAY THROUGH THIS AS WELL (you can probably tell when i started eating it bc i was only typing with my left hand and probably didn't use as many crying emojis for a bit LMAO) AND I LOVE TALKING TO YOU!! I LOVE YOU <3 AND I HOPE YOU'RE DOING WELL!! I LOVE CHICKEN AND RICE AND I WILL MAKE SURE TO TAKE CARE OF MYSELF AS LONG AS YOU TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF!! DRINK LOTS OF WATER AND GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR SHIFT TOMORROW!! <3

[credulouscanidae]

had a breakdown yesterday

because i am just so over this countrys fucking healthcare and i just want my goddamn medication that i was happily on for 5 years

make any progress here feels like pulling teeth

after all this bullshit of what documents i need, after providing everything, i was told before christmas i needed my gender dysphoria diagnosis in order to get an appointment w the endo cuz he refused to give me an appt

i finally track the diagnosis down, send it to their office.

dont hear back for weeks, send a follow up email asking if they received it and sent it again

dont hear back, assume its just cuz of christmas etc

ring them yesterday asking for an update and the endo had apparently sent a letter to my gp on the 28th dec STILL refusing me an appointment because now apparently the diagnosis isnt even good enough.

had i not rang up, i wouldnt have even known that decision. im so fucking sick of these places flying over patient's heads making decisions without telling them. and thats apparently a very common problem with the nhs.

its something something the endo only has the dysphoria diagnosis and not all the other medical history that i gave to my gp. so now i have to wait till thursday to see my gp, and evren is helping me collect all the info so we can just...essentially, resend my case from scratch

the denying of the appointment is what broke me. i have never, EVER, experienced this until moving here. even evren says its a bit weird that he doesnt just book me in and ask to send all the info beforehand. its probably the high demand and lack of available appointments id imagine.

i just. im so tired of fighting this. every single attempt i make at getting closer to my hrt, i get kicked back 3 steps. i got my hopes up for weeks, thinking, YES, this diagnosis is the last bit of evidence they need, i can finally get seen to, only to be essentially told it's not good enough and that i cant be seen to.

i am 7 months overdue. i havent had a shot since march 2023. i have been trying to get this sorted since april. all year i have been told no no no. this is the last attempt before we say screw it and go private. but even then, the endo who is refusing my appt is like, the only private/public endo within an hours drive (i'll be willing to go further ofc), and apparently id have to go through the whole psych evaluation all over again. and theres still a waiting list, albeit smaller than the nhs one.

i am desperate. i have always understood obviously, but in these moments i can fully empathise why some trans people give up and end their lives over this.

5 years of being on t, made me forget the desperation i felt pre-t, and how agonising it felt. now? it's like that times a thousand. now that i am caught in this mess, and how much it makes me break down into hysterical sobbing....

im not surprised i dont want to be perceived, feel like a shell of my former self, dont want to engage with the world, on top of all the other reasons. i dont feel real.

fuck thsi healthcare system i swear

[personallylivingeasy]

Best Friends For Pause

It started. The thing that everyone wanted, everyone joked about, everyone assumed. The inevitable romance between my best friend and me.

it started after going out drinking one night. He, his roommate, and myself - as we had done so many times before. But for whatever reason this time was different. For him. As we get back to my apartment and his roommate falls asleep he says, "can i kiss you?"... i immediately said no. I walked to the bathroom to get ready for bed and as i'm taking out my contacts i think... what am i doing, this has been a thought i have pushed and pushed away for months. I walk back to him. Hes sleeping, head in the dog bed. Its now or never, i think and i wake him up and say "it's not like i've never thought about it." that wakes him up.

We stare at each other a moment, both in shock i imagine. Or maybe he was working up the courage to say what he says next. Or does next. I can't exactly remember which came first. He tells me that he started having feelings for me again but knew to never act on it. That he told his roommate but they both agreed that it was best to keep it under wraps as he knew I didn't share the same feelings. I'm silent. listening. He goes on to say "you know i think you are gorgeous and funny and smart, but we also want the same things in life. We both don't want kids, we both don't care about marriage, we agree on things politically and socially. it would be so easy with you" The whole time he's talking I can feel myself blushing and smiling because he's right. We are aligned on almost all things.

He leans forward and we kiss. A deep kiss. A twelve years in the making kiss. His hands are in my hair, holding my face. We come up for air and he says "that was a really good kiss, i haven't had a good kiss like that in a long time...and it didn't feel weird" I agree, it didn't. But i was still a little drunk, and i'm majorly confused. So i ask "what are you hoping happens now?" He looks at me and says "if you wanted to move forward we'd be dating by tomorrow afternoon."

"and if i don't?"

"I am still winning. I got to say all of this, you get to know how i feel. and hopefully we can still be best friends"

We kiss again. more intensely.

We break. He carries on saying "if we start dating, i don't think we'd ever stop. that would be it. I'd be done." he is saying all the right things. this they write about in stories and I'm...panicked? nervous? confused? I don't know, but whatever it was it wasn't enough for me to stop. He tells me that he can see us getting engaged and never marrying, that it would be so easy together because he knows me and i know him. and he's right, i know it. but am i ready?

we go to bed. my bed. my best friend and i. and we're kissing and touching. and touching. and touching. feverishly. like this has to happen, needs to happed. so much so that my shirt doesn't even come off. he drinks me up fills me up and it doesn't feel wrong or weird.

we lay there facing each other. talking quietly. what are we doing, is this really happening, what if tomorrow this is a mistake? we fall asleep a little after 5am.

His roommate opens the door, "i got us an Uber they'll be here in 3 minutes." that's it. he gets up and leaves.

we don't talk to two days.

Thankfully. my mind was reeling. how could he? i just got here! i haven't been here 4 months! I'm seeing someone. HE'S seeing someone. i don't know how i feel. i cant tell anyone. or at least no one that knows him. those two days i spin.

Monday he texts me "want to get dinner and talk. i can pick you up"

i get in his car and im immediately laughing out of nervousness. giggling and saying "this is so weird" a phrase i can't seem to stop saying. we go to dinner, laughing, joking, talking as we always do. talking about everything except the matter at hand. Finally, we finish our beers, our food, and another beer until theres nothing else we can use to stall.

So i start "i think its a no for right now, but not for forever" i say rushing through. He stares at me nodding, waiting for me to continue. "i agree that we would be a great couple but i can't go into this with only logic when the feelings haven't caught up yet. It's not fair to either of us." He said he understood and laughed that at least i don't have to see him for awhile - hes going on deployment for 5 weeks.

During those 5 weeks we text as normal, a hint of flirtation but nothing extreme. During those 5 weeks that first night processes. as the days go on and i'm talking to the friends who have never met him i realize he is all i'm thinking about. That i miss him. That i want this. But how do you go back after having said no? to my dismay it didn't take much.

weeks later when he is back from deployment, he invites me out with his roommate and his roommate's girlfriend. A double date? hardly. we were heading to a dive bar. But i found myself getting ready as if i was going on a double date. I wanted to look good. look hot for him. nothing is different. i'm different. Im sitting by him on the bar stools and for the first time in 12 years, im nervous around him.

We wrap up the evening and he asks if i want to go back to theirs.Uber from there. I say yes. this is normal, typical night out with them. We always do this right? the roommate and his girlfriend go off to their room. he and i are on the couch talking, laughing. and suddenly kissing. kissing hard and fast and breathless. We go to his room to finish what we started. Now i'm laying there, in my best friends bed. Naked. it happened again? I wanted it to happen. i was happy it happened.

We start talking again, what are we doing where do we go from here what happens if it doesn't work. then we get quiet. both admitting that this is scary. we are jeopardizing our amazing friendship by doing this. He admits that he's scared of losing me. I admit the same. he admits he likes me. I admit the same. Then i say "okay then, we full send it". possibly the dumbest way to say "i want to give this a shot, i think it's worth the risk". I have never been good at expressing my feelings. i'm working on it.

we get to stay in our little bubble for just a day or two. we have to break it off with the people we had been seeing. His more serious than mine, requiring more than just a text. He asks to take a couple days after the breakup to decompress and feel like a "bad person for doing this to someone he liked". I agree. He takes his time.

Days later he texts me asking to come over. Midday. On a weekday, a work day. Odd. I'm so nervous. I'm certain that he isn't going to end things before they even start but god what if? What if we did all of this, admitted all of this....for nothing.

He tells me that he spent the week having anxiety attacks. that he has a few things he wants to talk to me about.

He wants to take things slow. i agree. He mentions going on 8 month deployment, that i just moved here. we agree that i have a community of friends here. that i'm strong. I'm independent, i'll be okay.

Then he says, "how did it change from a no to a yes, are you settling for me because i'm here?" my heart sank.

I explain saying that "for so long everyone joked about you having feelings for me. So i put up some very thick walls to avoid any confusion of me reciprocating those feelings just in case. Obviously we've gotten closer and i wondered what was on the other side of that wall, but i pushed it away. Then when you said something you opened the door. That first night i got to peak in. during those 5 weeks i walked through. It just took me a minute to process." I'm trying my best to articulate feelings changing. "just because i wasn't ready then doesn't mean i'm not ready now. I'm not settling. I don't feel like i'm settling. And i don't want you to ever think that that could be true." With that we hug and kiss goodbye with promise to meet up later.

The following weekend i go over to his place and we have a roommate game night with the roommate and the girlfriend. I text all my friends breaking the news "We're Dating!!" disbelief, shock, and then a resounding "FINALLY".

I'm high on this feeling. I'm with someone i trust immensely. I love being around him, laughing with him. Its us hanging out as friends with a little extra. Admittedly it's a little weird making the change from friends to lovers. Cheesy but that is what's happening. And we talk about how weird it is. that it''ll get easier over time, it's just new.

He goes on deployment again, this time for 2 weeks.

During this time we email. He has ultimatums given at work for his next job....in Virginia. He's stressed. I try to support, but it feels obsolete. I take it as him being overwhelmed and let him use me as a sound board.

He gets back in town, says his anxiety is through the roof. I tell him to take his time i'll see him when i see him.

Days later i get the text "hey i can come over after my run" its noon when he comes over. I'm so excited to see him and so nervous. I've missed him? i've missed him.

We go to my bedroom and he sits on the floor, i sit in my vanity. "what do you want to do today? nothing, watch a movie?" Looking at the ground he says "nothing, no movie, actually we need to talk." Somehow i wondered. I wondered if his not seeing me the moment he got off deployment, or the next day or the next day, was a bigger thing going on. somehow i'm so calm, i let him talk and talk without interruption. Letting him get his thoughts out. He tells me his anxiety is horrible and it's taking him down. That when this has happened in previous relationships the person he turns into is mean and distant. That i would hate him by the end of it. He would ruin our friendship if we don't stop seeing each other. He tells me he wants to preserve our friendship at minimum. That he respects and cares about me too much to let this go down a path that ends in us hating each other.

i say thank you. Thank you for looking out for our friendship and for me. I tell him how sorry i am that he is going through this and that this has to happen. his face is red, he tells me how sorry he is how horrible he feels for doing this to me. for some reason I'm not upset. my heart hurts, but for him. Even in this moment he looks like he is in pain. i tell him that i have to ask the questions that immediately pop up that i know are silly. Does that mean we did all this for nothing? Did you chase me for ten years, get me, and decide you got what you wanted and now you don't want it anymore? He tells me he isn't sure if we did this for nothing, but that he in no way feels that he got the "prize" of me and now doesn't want it. I know this, but sometimes you need to hear it out loud. He explains that he is getting on anxiety/depression medication. He has appts with psychiatrists. He wants to start seeing a therapist. He just can't do that with me. He can't be a good boyfriend or partner to me while he fixes his brain.

"i want you to be completely honest with me. do not tip toe around my feelings. Is this a breakup or do you want to try again when you're better?" i ask my heart is still. if he says breakup...i don't know what i'll do. "i'd like to try again" "i would too".

"but i can't ask you to wait for me. I go on deployment every other month and then for 8 months straight. that's almost a year. I can't ask you to wait for me. i would understand." I'm smiling a goofy smile "i don't want to date anyone else. I'm not going to be sitting waiting. I'm going to be living my life. I don't want to date anyone else". and i don't. what am i supposed to do? get on the apps? start going on bad dates and asking questions to people i don't care about? that sounds horrible. So i'll wait.

through these talks we break and make a joke and laugh a bit. stopping the laughing and starring at each other with sad eyes.

I move to sit on the floor next to him and he pulls me into his side resting his head on mine. "this is the biggest fumble of my life" he says. I turn to him and say "you're not fumbling...its a different football term" of course having no ending to that sentence. "False Start" he says. Perfect. that's exactly what this was. a false start.

I lean against him and were silent. i'm starting to get sad realizing what this really means. that i don't get my friend and i don't get the guy i'm falling for. and it might be a year before i get that man back. "it's going to be weird not talking to you every day" i say. He kisses the top of my head. "what if we do checkins, check in with each other every now and then once i start feeling better?" now that i can work with. I turn and look up at him, i'm starting to cry. Tears are streaming down my cheeks and i'm wiping them away annoyed. "sorry i didn't mean to cry" he tells me not to feel bad for crying, that he almost started crying while starting the conversation. His face is red again and i'm certain he is welling up. but i can't look at him to be sure. His hand is on my face brushing away strands of hair over and over again.

"so we just put this on hold. on pause?" "on pause with check ins" and so it's decided. We take the break. we hug multiple long hugs goodbye. He leaves.

I'm sad but i'm not crying. maybe i was in shock? In shock for what just happened or in shock that i didn't freak out? it settles in and i think to myself god how lucky am i? this man want to protect me from his mental health problems that he can fix. i feel so cared for so respected and protected. So loved. and so i think, what's one year apart if it means we can have a lifetime together?

My friends think i'm insane for being so calm. and maybe they're right only time will tell. But in my heart in my bones in my gut in my whole being i know it isn't done. I know we will come back together stronger. He'll be better and i'll be better for the time apart. I'm so calm because i know him. He knows me. he has loved me for 12 years. and I him. our friendship has been long distance, on hold during other relationships, and we still find our way back to each other. I have no doubt that this is no different. I feel so proud of him. as much as i want to be there holding his hand through this medication process, i know i can't be. I know this is a journey he needs to take by himself. He needs the time to do this his way. and i need to let him do that. I think he could be my forever person. I could be so lucky. I want him now, but i want him better more.

I do wonder if i'll hear from him sooner rather than later. if, when his dads in town, he calls me to meet him. but i also wonder the what if's that are negative. what if this is stupid of me to think this is just a pause? but then i remember who this is. how much he cares for me. How he wouldn't lie to me to make me feel better in this situation. this is my best friend. Who i love! who loves me! even if it is just as friends right now. there is a love there. I just trust him. i've never felt so sure and calm and right about something in my life.

I guess i'll look back at this in a years time and see what's happened. Good luck future me i'm wishing you the best

[fangirlstorycreator]

Hey Bestie 🖤 I thought about a Max Parish scenario for you to write, cause I obviously adore your writings. Imagine we are his physiotherapist when he is in the wheelchair. And we work over month with him but then we're having a holiday and can't finish his therapy. And after a few month he comes back surprising us that he's walking again and asking us for a date cause he fell in love with us? I think he would be so cute. Take your time Bestie 🖤 🖤 🖤

Of courses bestie 🤗 thank you, I'm so glad you like my stories 💚 I hope you enjoy it 😊

You had been a physiotherapist for many years now, and had dealt with many different injuries on a variety of patients. However, your new patient was a bit of a handful. His name was Max Parish, and you were to give him mental and physical support after an accident happend, rendering him unable to use his legs. Luckily, it wasnt anything to major and with the right exercises, he should be back on his feet within a few months. You would help him onto his feet and guide him across a little platform that had a handrail on both sides, so he was able to hold himself up.

At the start, he was very down, and he felt quite depressed about the whole situation. He just wanted to shut the world out, but you had seen this before with your other patients, and understood why he was feeling like that. But you were calm and patient with him, allowing him time to get to know you and trust what you were doing was for his best interest. And before you knew it, he spoke to you, and treated you like a best friend. He was funny, and clever, and always made you laugh and smile. He wasnt like any other man you had met before, most men you knew, including previous boyfriends never made you feel happier that you do around Max.

He had that vibe about him, and you really enjoyed his company. Even to the point where you developed a crush on him. How couldn't you? His personality was so much like yours, and he was very tall, handsome, beautiful eyes and had stubble, you loved a man with a little stubble around his face, it looked sexy. He was nearly at the end of his treatment, only about 3 weeks left to go, when you had to break the news to him that another physiotherapist will be taking over. "What do you mean another physiotherapist? Why cant I complete my treatment with you?" "I'm sorry Max but I'm afraid this is the last day I'm going to be with you. You see I booked a holiday last year and I'm going tomorow night" "Where are you going?"

"I'm off to Greece for a month. My sister is getting married over there and when the wedding is over, she is going to another part of the island for her honeymoon, and she needs someone to take care of her 3 girls while shes away. So yeh, I'm on babysitting duty, but in a place where there is sun, sea and plenty of icecream's to keep them happy" "Well that sounds really great" But then his face turns a little sad. "I have to be honest, I dont want another physiotherapist, I like being with you" "As do I Max, but at least we have one more session before I go. Now, let's get you out of that chair" You both carry on with the session, and when its finished you both say your goodbyes.

You spend the next month in Greece, enjoying your sisters wedding and looking after your nieces. And once she came back, it was time for you to head back home. After a few days, you were back in work and ready to start your working day again. It was around about 1 o clock, just after your appointment with your second patient when you were sat at your desk typing out an exercise plan for one of your new patients. When there is a knock at the door. "Come in" you shout out, your very surprised when the door opens and Max walks in to your office, hes no longer in the chair.

"Wow Max look at you! Your all better, it's nice to see you again" "Its nice to see you too, I thought I'd drop by and you know, show you how I'm doing" He says playfully, while stretching his legs out and bending them, showing off his moves. This makes you giggle. "Well I'm glad your doing much better Max, but I must say im just a little confused? Your not in a wheelchair anymore, why are you back?" His full attention is back onto you, and he moves his hand to his head, removes his hat and is trying desperately to tidy up his hair. "Ah yes! About that! Well the thing is Y/N...I wanted to know if you were free for a drink tomorow night?"

Your a little shocked, you still had a crush on Max but you didnt think he liked you back. "Really?" "Yes Y/N. I uhhh... I wont lie, I've been crazy about you since we met. You were so patient with me when I was being a completely grumpy pain in the ass, and visiting you every Thursday was the highlight of my week" His kind words instantly make you blush. "I think your so beautiful, inside and out. And I'd love a chance to get to know you more and hopefully see if there is something hear. But uhhh if, if you dont want to..." You smile happily at him and say "Well, technically I shouldn't be going out with my patient" "Oh, oh I see..." You lean across your desk and smile at him. "But...your not my patient anymore....are you?" A proud smile spreads across Max's face. "Yes Max, I'd love to go for a drink with you" "Awsome!" Then you both share a laugh, before exchanging phone numbers, ready to make plans for your date.

[smollilbaby]

274TH DAYS

mylove ღ Happy 9th months together!! Its literally few days after what i did. Before i continue, i want to say that im sorry once again for lying to you. I know i shouldnt have , but i just did. Im sorry for not listening to you. 3 days before our day, i lied to you. The day where my world trembles, not knowing whether there will still be US or not due to my lies. I hurt you, & we fought till we didnt talked for hours. Honestly i wasnt prepared for anything. Its not even like wtv flows let it flows. I was so in fear that you might leave me. Honestly i couldnt imagine if things were to go south, like what am i going to do next...

But, im so glad and happy that you give me chances again. Chances after chances, what did i do to deserve these, abby? ღ

And i know, its gonna takes time to trust me again, i understand that. I'll try my very best to earn that trust back again from you. I will do everything in my power to make u trust me again. The reasons that i started off this tumblr again, its because i believe this is the place where my words are being thoughtful and makes u feel much more appreciated ღღ Im sorry for the months that i didnt update these, i didnt have the peace and time to brain this, but i sure this time round, i'll find time to update. Maybe the day that i fucked up, probably the time i pikir jauh want to keep my baby so i need to prove my words with my action ღ

Lets go back to the main ones instead.

Happy 274 days my princess ღღ Its been 9th months since we're together. Can u actually believe how fast the time flies? Lepastu nnt tahu tahu je dah setahun ayang ღ Tapi sebelum tu, lagi 3 bulan kita nya 1st anniversary. Lagi 3 bulan tu jugak, birthday i!! Dia mcm ibarat dpt 2 hadiah, satu hadiah birthday, lagi satu hadiah anniverysary, which is u, mybaby! ღღ

Baby, i would like to thank you for everything. Thank you for making US work until today and in the future too. It takes two hands to clap, and thank you for clapping hands with me. Even after your parents found out about us, i'd still loves you like even more now, like i wont let you go. Biarlah parents you tak suka, janji u suka dan bahagia, im happy ready. You're all that i need in my life baby. You need to know that i cant and i wont let you go. I want to hold you till forever, even tho forever doesnt exist, i'd still want and need you my love.

You're the reason that im smiling daily!! You're the reason that makes me happy 24/7. Youre the reasons that i feel so much loves. Thank you for the loves and cares you gave me ღ Thank you for showing whats true love and what its like to be happy. You're the reasons for everything we've achieved so far! And i believe theres always more to come for us!

We're going to see each other for years now, so just bare with me okay love? HAHHHAHAH

Anyway, i cant promise u the best, but i'll try my best to be the best one yet in being yours. I'll prove to you that im worth of your time and love given. I really loves you so much and i dont want to lose you, ever again. You've been a part of me, but now you're inside of me. You're my heart and my soul. Without you, i couldnt live. I need u to breathe, you're my strength and my happiness. You're me.

And with that, thank you for the 274th days together, and still counting ღ I wish us nothing but the best together! In the future, if theres obstacles, we're going to go thru it together. Its us against the world baby. I love you so much! ღღღ

To many more months and years together, cinta!

#274th #somuchlove #eternity