#its as good as its gonna get on this blog because i am lazy as heck

[salemlunaa]

VOID STATE EXPLAINED: HOW TO GET THE LIFE YOU DREAM OF ᥫ᭡

A TELL-ALL GUIDE TO THE METHOD EVERYONE IS TALKING ABOUT

so in my asks i have alot of people going “sai, you always go on and on and on and on about the void and different problems people may have, but you never explain what it is and how to get there”And to be honest with you, most of my posts were meant to be that way because i knew of other blogs explaining the void and my blog was just meant to be follow up posts for those who already knew about the void. Although, now i feel more confident and equipped to explain the void in its entirety.

so strap in for this long ass post because this is a gonna be THE guide (if you can’t tell i’m very excited for this post)

i just wanna say that this post is an inspiration and a remix of all those that have inspired me

1. What is the void?

so as you can see yourself and life right now is you in the physical plane (the notorious 3D) you are experiencing the world as *your name* *your lastname*, and your experience is confined by the way that you initially came into the world, being y/n y/ln . The void, originally known as the “I AM” state is when you leave that experience behind, you leave the physical world behind and become nothing and everything at the exact same time. And doing so you can create and destroy absolutely anything in your experience = your reality which is why people call their destination after the void their “dr”=“desired reality”.

2. Why the void?

This method is seen as very effective and efficient once you know how to do it right because it’s a “method” in which your subconscious mind is in full control, which means you can do absolutely anything and that’s not some conspiracy or belief, it is a fact that when entering this subconscious-based meditation state that you can do absolutely anything, which is why i said that you have the power to create and destroy anything in the physical plane, altering your experience. You can change your genetics, your family and friends, your wealth, gender, where you live and much more. You can also redesign things, like a country for you to live in, your age, your s/o’s age, your memories and just your life in general. Just one trip to the void and all that you dream of is yours.

The void doesn’t have to be pitch black you can design it anyway you like, i see alot of people in my dms and asks, saying that the pitch black scares them, but your void can look anyway you want.

personally i’m not scared but i just wanted my void to look cute so i added pink stars to the pitch black

3. How do i get to the void?

There are many ways to get into the void, you can follow a guided many meditation, you can listen to subliminals or waves, you can simply affirm, you can visualise, or you can simply do none of these and go into the void with just the intent, KNOWING that it’s apart of you. You don’t need any method to tap into the void, all you need is yourself and the intent, knowing it’s apart of you and not some magical fairyland. You can enter at anytime of day, because you’re a god and don’t need to be confined to “time”. “Time” is a malleable concept and i’ll be dammed if you guys waste your days because you only believe that you can tap in at night.

4. Problems people have with the void

3 things: wavering, laziness and putting the void on a damn pedestal

a lot of you guys fail to enter the void simply because you try to enter. all the things i have said about the void make it almost impossible to believe, a golden ticket to your dream life with one trip to the void. And because of the fact that we have been conditioned to believe that we have to work for everything we have, this just seems to good to be true. and you see the void as some magical place when it’s YOU, the void is YOU, why do you think you affirm “I Am”? well it’s because the void is literally the state of you being everything but nothing, it is not a place it is a state, hence the void STATE, the “I Am” STATE. it’s a meditative state and that’s it.

When you enter the "I AM" state, why do you affirm phrases like "I am, I am pure consciousness, I am the void, I am unattached to any reality, I am faceless and formless"? It's because these affirmations align you with your divine essence, your true God Self. However, this practice is often short-lived. You enter this state briefly, and when you don't experience any immediate changes or wake up in the same shitty reality, you begin to doubt. You think, "Why hasn't it worked? I must be doing something wrong. I'll try again tonight." This is what wavering looks like. You declare yourself to be in the "I AM" state, but when it doesn’t immediately manifest, you believe it hasn't worked and attempt to re-enter it repeatedly. This endless cycle of trying can confuse your subconscious mind. Instead of truly embodying the state, you're constantly oscillating, creating inconsistency and doubt.

STOP TRYING AND START BEING, OR YOU WILL GET NOWHERE

the void is the easiest thing ever and it is owed to you, because it is you

you can literally enter right now and have every single thing you’ve ever wanted, with just a meditation state, the void isn’t the one with the power it’s you. The void is inside of you and it is lifeless, the only time it gains any power is when YOU step into the equation. As i once said, the void is your bitch not the other way around.

5. Unhealthy relationships

Although the void is one of the best methods i know, i would hate for anyone to accumulate an unhealthy, toxic relationship with the void. The void is as easy as breathing, i know, but it can be alot for some of us to wrap our heads around due to the way we have been conditioned to think (which hurts my heart more than you know). I see people spend months and years trying to get into the void going through an emotionally taxing experience with it. Although i tell people it doesn’t matter how much time you’ve “wasted” and not to let that discourage you because you could really enter now if you put your mind to it (no pun intended) , if you know that it has been eating you up trying for the void going around a constant cycle, please take a break or use other methods.

now with that i say go, go and redesign yourself, deconstruct yourself and create the new you, start from scratch and make your dream self, go to the void and get your dream life.

don’t try, just be 🌊💋

i really hope you loved this as much as i do, now go get your dream life -salem ᥫ᭡

[jyoongim]

Jyoongim’s Horny Game

Hi everyone! I’m Jyoongim and WELCOME TO THE SHOW✨

GUYS 2K plus????? IM GONNA CRY!!!!

In response I would like to show my appreciation to all my followers for showing love and support my blog and writings by letting y’all run wild!

I saw @okay-babe do something like this and I thought it would be fun and give it a spin hehe! 

✨INFORMATION✨

This is mainly for Alastor x reader requests but any HH character is welcomed (not Valentino he can choke or Husker just because I think of him as a tired uncle lol)

THERE WILL BE NO WORD COUNT - I am lazy sorry guys ;(

There is NO limit on how many times you play!!!

HERES MY MASTERLIST/TAGLIST comment here for future work postings📻❤️

————————————————————————

Here’s how to play!

SPIN THE WHEEL! This color coded wheel will decide the category of your prompt. (Color system is below as well to help)

2.) Select a prompt. SPIN THIS WHEEL! There are 4 prompt lists I have provided to pick from! Feel free to use the prompt list for inspiration MIX AND MATCH prompts if you like.

⚠️limit to mix/match is 2 per request⚠️

➡️Prompt #1

➡️Prompt #2

➡️Prompt #3

➡️Prompt #4

3.) Send in your request per inbox as usual. You can be anon or make yourself be known (your decision).

❗️use correct color when sending request❗️

▶️ I HAVE A COLOR SYSTEM TO HELP US WITH EXAMPLES⤵️

————————————————————————

Below is the color system and what it includes:

🟢: Fluff-sweet,cute, makes you cringe

cuddles, hand-holding, hugs, domestic, kisses, hugs, appreciation, romance, lovey-dovey shit

——————————————————————

🟡: Saucey-fluff but you felt something

Obvious feelings, mutual pining, admission of feelings, keep it cute 

‘example: their hands brushed and they quickly pulled away blushing’

——————————————————————-

🟠: Flavor-you tease!

teasing, tension, banter, flirting, stealing glances

——————————————————————

🔴: Mild-its getting hot!

Sexual tension! high emotions, realization of feelings

——————————————————————

💥: Mild Spicy-oh you like that?

Plot! smut! Introduction of kinks!

——————————————————————

🟣: Spicy-give it to me good!

Usual smut with plot *sprinkle sprinkle*

——————————————————————-

🔵 : Extra Spicy- what did i just read?

smut and no plot 

——————————————————————

⚫️: Uncharted-you need a therapist & God babe

Every single morally gray scenario & kink possible. 

THE SKY IS THE LIMIT!!

(Kinks however ARE limited by writer’s discretion)

————————————————————————

I look forward to see what you guys requests and thank you again for all the love! Xoxo 😘

MASTER/TAG LIST IS LINKED!!!

[shimmerloid-ai]

Introduction - What is VOCALOID?

Hello everyone, Shimmer here! This is my first post in this guide blog thingy. I thought it would be a good idea to explain what VOCALOID actually is before I jump into how to use the software. Otherwise, it would be like baking a cake without knowing what cakes are.

So, let’s start by addressing what VOCALOID is not.

VOCALOID is NOT an anime series. Although Hatsune Miku made cameos in "Dropkick on My Devil!", she never originated from an anime series because she is NOT an anime character.

Second, VOCALOIDs are not those crappy AI voice models. You know, those weird “voicebanks” where you can make Spongebob Squarepants sing "7 Rings" or have Cartman from South Park rap "INDUSTRY BABY"? Yeah, those are actually illegal renditions of celebrity voices without the knowledge of the voice actors/influencers/singers whose voices were used to make the models. You just put the models over an audio track, and boom. Lazy, illegal shit.

Finally, this is just common sense, but VOCALOID did not originate from Project Sekai! Colorful Stage! The Cryptonloids (Miku, Rin, Len, Luka, Kaito, and Meiko) have existed long before the game was released; VOCALOID 1 was released in 2004, while the money making machine was launched in Japan in 2020. That is a gap of sixteen years, and if you compare the time between Hatsune Miku V2's release and Project Sekai, we have another thirteen year difference there.

With that being said, what *is* VOCALOID?

The best definition I can give you is that it is a digital singing synthesizer. Basically, it is an instrument, but instead of piano notes, you get vocals.

And no, *this* AKITO is not associated with the Akito Shinonome from Project Sekai.

To advertise this voicebanks and increase their appeal, Crypton, VSINGER, AH-Software Co., Internet Co. Ltd, and many other companies that make voicebanks for this software have cute or hot anime-style avatars designed for their box art. This was a great marketing scheme in my opinion, because wouldn't you be more inclined to purchasing something if it looks aesthetic, kawaii, or epic? Just look at GUMI's design!

Alright, I have a feeling I may have bored most users who are reading this weird info-dump, so I am going to add one final, important point. Remember our wood analogy? Well, we have the workbench (VOCALOID), and the wood (the voicebank(s) of your choice). Making a desk for instance would be like making a cover of a song. But people can make the same kind of desk with an entirely different appearance or texture. Similarly, a lot of producers can make covers of the same song, but they can sound entirely different in regards to their pitch, tone, or melody. This aspect is known as "tuning".

Tuning is basically the process of editing the properties of a voicebank and the notes/lyrics they are singing to create a specific sound. People can tune the same song in different ways. For instance, listen to the original "Rolling Girl" by wowaka, and then these covers. They are all the same song, but tuned in entirely different ways.

Below is the original song:

And these are all covers:

Also yeah, that last cover is mine, it's my blog, I can promote my content if I want to)

I hope that just by listening to these you can see how tuning can vary from individual to individual. Its all a matter of how you control the parameters of the singer.

So yeah, I yapped enough so I'm gonna end this infodump right here. I'm not surprised if you guys are still confused, so I'm going to leave some helpful resources down below as these people are better at explaining shit than I am.

My next post will involve some common terminology used in the VOCALOID community, such as “VSQx”, or “pitchbending”.

Goodbye for now!

[sweetertreats]

Honk

A story about a Clown

Sweet Tooth’s very own lil guy circus, now travelling Kalos! A performance where only one man comes out on top, the clown himself. Aged somewhere between middle aged and “Young as a berry”, this clown will have you wishing you never crossed paths with such an entertaining enemy. He won’t wipe your party without cracking a few jokes along the way. He’s not afraid to play dirty, but for the sake of good showman ship he’ll start off fair.

Which would be fair information if I didn’t write it myself, huh? You never know when the shows gonna start, so make sure you have your tickets ready! Or don’t! You didn’t really have a choice. Participation IS mandatory! My pronouns are He/Him, but if don’t worry about forcing the words out of your mouth when you’re warning your friends about the c-c-c-c-c-c-clown. 

[There is a ref below the lil dude intros ;o)]

What do you think? Good show? Bad show? Be honest. I don’t really like liars. 

What a magnificent turnout! I wonder who’s on the cast list?

Machete: A rather interesting looking Honedge with a bit of edge. Pretty sharp, if ya know what I mean.

Mimo: A Mr. Mime with a wonderful outfit! A Fire/Psychic type with a cute outfit to match her trainer’s, what’s not to love!

Vani: A Strawberry Flavored Vanillite with a very creative name! Cherry on top and sprinkles! 

Pretty Kitty: A sylveon that isn’t really expected to fight, just to look pretty for the show! All dressed up with the cutest little outfit, they’re the perfect distraction for any ambush. (to be designed) 

Dizzy: They say no two Spinda are alike, but they can be if you make yourself dizzy enough! This dude’s all dressed up in his clown best! A classic puffy little outfit that’s sure to make you forget the trainer behind him. (to be designed) 

Squishy: A Banette with a rather silly look to her. There’s no time like the present, and Squishy’s little tricks will have you rolling on the ground with laughter! (to be designed) 

now for some ooc info.

hi! names padfoot! i am an adult, so this entire blog is adult run. this is my first time running something like this on tumblr!!! so i am very excited! Sweet Tooth is adapted from the Twisted Metal series! I say adapted because he has been tweaked just a bit to fit the setting, but he’s still a loveable evil clown either way. everything will be tagged either with basic pkmnirl or rp tags :)

as far as everything goes, the concept of adapting him in this way, his design, and his first three pokemon are all credited to @moderator-monnie and @lazy-charlie ! the current pfp and the forever existing reference art was done by lazy-charlie! 

pfp and banner will be updated with the full cast at some point or another, but for now its just the truck and such. the other three pokemon will be drawn up and posted whenever i’m able to do digital art again, so far now text based description is all you get :( 

dni is basic, no nsfw (suggestive is ok!!!), no type of hate fuelled phobias, no slurs, no zoos maps or drama starters.  if i dont respond please dont get too upset about it, i will try and make responses to everyone that i can but if i miss you feel free to try again! just dont spam. as stated, i am an adult so i do have an adult life i need to tend too alongside this silly little project. 

for now responses will remain text, in the future some may be drawn if i cant find the words for things but we will see!

messages are open for rp requests, story building, or things like that :3 please respect that i am free to deny, block, or ignore any requests that make me uncomfortable. 

yahoo yippie wahoo! little dance! you made it to the bottom! do a little dance!!!

[ibelieveinthejrsupremecy]

‼️EMERGENCY POST‼️

I might potentially be homeless in a week! I don't have enough money to rent any place and I'm trying to reach out to friends and even co-workers for help, tips on this blog would be appreciated!

I'm 21 years old (until November of this year), I'm a trans man, and I'm getting kicked out by two emotionally abusive narcs and I desperately need help financially if I can't find a place to live. At this point, it feels like a life or death situation because I am losing hope for anything in life. Existing is just hard and if I can't find any help, I know I'm gonna do something stupid to myself.

TW: talk of transphobia, self-unaliving/harming thoughts, and emotional/psychological abuse under the cut.

I have been living with these two people for almost 3 years and I have been nothing but miserable. Initially they wanted to help me get on my feet but things changed when they found out I am trans. They have made transphobic comments such as "Do you have a dick between your legs?" "Are you sure you aren't just confused or genderfluid?" "Its your persona, not the real you" and more.

I have attempted to reach out to others about this, but they "don't want to pick sides" and let it happen. I have never felt more alone than I did.

Struggling with chronic depression and anxiety, I tend to lose motivation to even do the simplest things. Things like; showers, brushing my teeth, getting out of bed, remembering to do chores. That has gotten me into issues with my two roommates, always making me feel bad about those things. And when I attempted to explain myself, they would always say "We brought you in when your mom told you to move out, you should be grateful. We work full time jobs, you have more off time than us for being part time, you shouldn't be struggling to remember to do chores. You're lazy, irresponsible, you hardly do anything to help yourself and always say 'oh I forgot' all the time."

They tell me that I take advantage of their kindness and generosity. When I first started to live with them, they say they "allowed" me to cut my hair when I first did it, as if I had no say in what I did with my own body.

Everytime I was happy and in a good mood and said something, they pointed out that it was weird and stupid to say. They constantly made me feel bad whenever I expressed about being in a good mood over something I enjoyed. Everytime they're around, I always felt uncomfortable in their presence like I was walking on eggshells. Just their mere presence always made me uncomfortable.

It's only recently that I started to think of relapsing with self-harm, something I haven't done in probably 8 years? I do have a blade that I use as a self defense going to and from work. I haven't tho, thankfully, but I still think and consider it. I also started to think "things would be better if I was just gone. The people that I live with hate me, so it's a good idea" and thinking that scares me. I don't trust myself to be alone anymore. And if I do end up on the streets, I know I'll do something stupid because it would basically feel like I got nothing to lose.

I used to get so angry whenever they said or did any of these things. But living with them for this long, I'm just tired and more depressed than ever, and today was the final straw.

Today marks the day that they gave me an ultimatum; get my shit together in order to stay or get kicked out. So please, if you're willing to give me a tip on this blog, I would appreciate that a lot because now every. Penny. Counts.

[kindness-and-friends]

//Heya. Mod here. I have good news and bad news

Good news is I'll be pretty blunt with the lore on the souls and stuff! Ask a question about it and I'll probably answer it

Bad news is this blog will be on hiatus :( ill finish the rps tho dw

To put it simply, drama and other projects I need to work on

To put it not simply (This shit is gonna be like a whole essay. Also i didnt proofread it cuz am lazy)

Reason 1: Drama- I honestly don't know what to feel. I started this blog thinking that i can interact with all the underblogs, whatever side they may be on. I kinda wanted this blog to be neutral because I was kinda inspired by underblog���'s. I enjoyed blogs like integrityvictim and such, and followed them (i went feral in some of the reblogs lol) completely aware they were against @/thehumanofjustice. Because I wanted this blog to be enjoyed and disliked by both sides. I wanted this blog to interact with both sides.

It started with incorrect pronouns. Then our small group of underblogs had a vote I wasn't involved in nor knew anything about and out of nowhere human is the 'leader' of the underblogverse. I never liked that idea and I expressed my feelings about it before. Luckily more people can join, but nobody has. I do like the concept of @/underblogmanagement, it's a way for people to interact with others and develop their blogs. But its too early. If anything it shouldn't be called that, it shouldn't have been introduced the way it was, and it shouldn't be made now. If we want to make something like this we have to make it bigger and have every single fucking underblog lend a hand.

I wanted to stop when I got the death threats. I thought that maybe, just maybe, it was a fan of the underblogs trolling, and it wasn't actual underblogs hating me. I still think it is. I also wanted to stop when the shipping got too bad. I didn't want this to be like @/undertaleolive that was known as nothing more than being Clover's 'girlfriend'. I don't get as much asks as I used to, and I know the lot of them are from thehumanofjustice or deputyclover (im not dumb.) The only time this blog can be serious is when I make it serious. I chose to let the anons kill Willow so it could be serious. I chose to let Clover kill Willow so it could be serious. I chose to give Willow those hallucinations and give Xeon a concussion so for once this blog wouldn't just be meme asks and roleplays with close friends of mine. I feel limited.

I think underblogmanagement is dumb. I think this rivalry is dumb. I think this blog is dumb. I think the creation of a whole new tag is dumb. I think the fact that only a portion of human's friends and followers is what makes up my follower count is dumb.

I wanted to be an underblog💛 with a story, not whatever the fuck I am now

Reason 2: Other projects - I'm giving the majority of my focus and motivation on this blog. Any motivation and creativity I have for art and writing gets thrown into here with no recognition. I have other things I need to place my focus on. As @/infinitrix, may know, I haven't updated my askblog in 2 months. Instead of drawing art for that blog, I'm drawing art for this one (only to get like 2 notes). Instead of writing dialogue and lore for that one, I'm writing it for this. If the only people who'll actually see what I post are my friends, I think this blog is nothing more than a waste of motivation. I need to focus on other things, and always worrying whether I have rps to finish or art to make isn't helping at all. The majority of art requests on my main are about this blog, too, and I want to work on art that isn't related to this. The only blogs whose lore I enjoy and would like to know more of are Whisper's, Winnie's, and maybe more that i don't interact with. I do think that if there's only a few people really trying to make their blog interesting while the rest is just shits and giggles, it's useless. I put together lore and relationships and art, and it hardly gets any notes. I can say the same for @/apatientwind who makes amazing art that doesn't get notes, and @/whisper-the-human (im eating your writing style ourgh. Keep up the good work :3). And yeah. Im giving up

I'll finish the last two rps I'm in and then leave. Don't try to start any new ones, I wanna make this quick

So I will finish what's unfinished, and possibly this will become a blog to ask about the lore. Maybe one day, when I figure everything out and have more motivation, I'll get back to this. But that won't be soon.

Ill be active on @goldeneclipsee if there are actually fans out there that arent my friends and moots.

Bye.

[slytherinshua]

omg zanna!!!

firstly omg babe congrats on 1.5k!!!! youre growing so fast :( secondly the fics you rec-d had me dying (ftom cuteness ofc) amd just omg :( ty and thirdly youre really adorable!!! ofc i look up to you have you seen your blog???? babe your writing has me crying into my pillow at (exactly) 4:02 am. But genuinely the way you write is just so <3!!!! Its really really comforting. Im really envious because anything i write sounds like a first grader write it (in a happy im proud of you way!!) and ofc dw abt it that was def my fault shouldve thought that through but yeah ofc you can call me sprout!!! Also again omg zanna 1.5k!!!! and for the event how many groups do you like (this includes casually stanning too) and omg tws!!!! ( My children :( ](so idk but whenever i stan a new group automatically four positions form in my head: (idk im weird) of theres the two basic, bias and bias wrecker/s and then theres emotionally closest to and special place in my heart so ig my question is for like all or any of your fav kpop groups whod you put where?) Happy valentines day!! Happy carat day!!

-🌱!!!

SPROUT!! i get so happy when i see you in my inbox eskdjks

omg i'm glad you enjoyed them 🥹 i wish i could've gotten some more but my tumblr is always dry except for moot fics and i don't read much nowadays 💔 except for real books damn...

WHAT NO WAY MY WRITING MADE YOU CRY??? 🤨🤨🤨🤨 but thank you :(

i'm sure its much better than you think sprout :( and believe it or not, everyone starts out writing like a first grader, but the more you practice the better you become!!! and you can also put in effort to try to learn techniques and stuff but i'm too lazy for that tho i do def want to improve my writing style so we'll see :D

aww it's okay tho we're on good terms now!!! so don't worry abt that <33

okay how many groups do i like?

okay so txt, verivery, onf, victon, seventeen, astro, skz, the rose, enhypen, mcnd, newjeans, lucy, billlie, sf9, &team, red velvet, ive, bts, the boyz, viviz, n.flying, xdinary heroes, xg, boynextdoor, le sserafim, mamamoo, p1harmony, riize, wei are kinda the groups i can say i stan

got7, ateez, shinee, pentagon, nct (all units), are groups i casually enjoy and know the first 3 esp pretty well for members as well!!

im enjoy a lot of soloists and i would love to get into some other groups that i listen to occasionally as well (cix, oneus, cravity, ace, e'last etc)

i'm also familiar w gidle, itzy, twice, oh my girl, akmu, blackpink, monsta x, aespa, nmixx, exo, zerobaseone, and some more but don't consider them to be on my stanlist yet

so i think i stan 29 groups, 15(ish) soloists, and know 16ish other groups rly well !!

who would you put in the positions bias, bias wrecker, emotionally closest to, and special place in your heart?

ooo that's a rly interesting question!! i'm gonna do it just for my ult groups i think... and maybe svt too skdjks since they were ults

so for txt

bias - taehyun bias wrecker - hueningkai emotionally closest to - soobin or taehyun special place - taehyun... KSJDKS

for onf

bias - yuto, minkyun bias wrecker - seungjun emotionally closest to - minkyun (he rly likes cats what can i say) special place - etion :( i love him so much

for verivery

bias - gyehyeon bias wrecker - yongseung emotionally closest to - hoyoung maybe? special place - minchan

and for svt bonus yayayay

bias - joshua, dk bias wrecker - wonwoo emotionally closest to - woozi special place - jun

happy valentines and carat day to you as well <33 sry i didn't get to answering this yesterday cause i was BUSY WITHOUT DEVICES RIP BUT WE'RE HERE NOW <33

[featherghoul]

You good?

Lee!Terzo x Ler!Omega

Warnings/Disclaimers: Comfort angst, strong language, parental issues, empty threats of murder, slight cardiophilia, and Google Translate Italian because I've been too lazy to keep up with Duolingo.

Word count: 1,563

//Author's notes

Holy shit, my first fic on this blog. No idea how well it's gonna do, but fuck it, let's gooooo! A quick thing I want to mention that I think is mandatory: any work of fiction I create centered in this fandom will never be about the people behind these masks, but about the characters they portray. With that being said, I hope this fic is enjoyed by at least one person. Another thing I wanna mention is that I do not proofread for whatever fucking reason—probably laziness— so there's probably mistakes here. Be patient with me. ;;

With a huff and a grumble, swearing and cursing in his native Italian under his breath, Terzo entered Omega's dorm unannounced and flopped belly first onto the ghoul's bed right next to him, who was practicing on his guitar, strumming whatever popped into his head. Omega's pointed ears perked up upon hearing Papa Emeritus the Third enter, though they quickly pinned back when he saw the mortal's disheveled state. "You good?" The ghoul asked as he paused and looked over his shoulder to face his human partner, who gave no response to him, lying limp on the bed, breathing deeply. "Terzo, is everything okay?" He asked again, a bit more insistently as he rubbed Terzo's shoulder.

"Just fucking peachy." Terzo grouched, his voice muffled due to his face being buried into the mattress.

"You don't seem fine." The demon replied as he stood for a moment to put away his guitar, putting it back on its stand so he could give his Papa his full attention. "What's got you heated?"

"Nothing! It's fine!" Terzo grumbled again, his tone more annoyed than the last response.

"Come on, talk to me, babe." He scooted close to the Anti-Pope, rubbing his back, "What's the matter?"

"...Fucking—" Terzo let out a long, loud groan as he flipped over onto his back, removing his mitre to comb a black leather gloved hand through his hair, "I'm so sick of the way I'm fucking treated by Nihil and Sister!"

Omega sighed as he pulled Terzo's head into his lap, running his black claws through his mate's dark hair that had subtle streaks of silver which showed his age, listening to Terzo get his ranting out, his pointed tail twitching as it hung over the edge of the bed.

"They both treat me like I'm some fucking incapable toddler!— Like I have no fucking clue on what I'm doing!" His mismatched eyes glared up at the ceiling as he spoke, his brows furrowed, "For once, I just want them to tell me where I am and where I should go instead of telling me what I'm doing is wrong! I want him for once to tell me I'm doing at least something right!" His eyes began to become a bit glossy. He sighed again, "Omega, you and the others know how hard I try to push this band and The Message forward in the right direction. You know how hard I try to stay on The Path, but it's so fucking difficult when the messages they want me to put out doesn't match what I feel needs to be said… It's so difficult when my best will never be good enough for The Ministry…" He started to choke up a bit.

Omega softly shushed him, caressing the smaller male's cheek with his knuckles. "They're fucking douches."

"Especially my fucking deadbeat of a father." Terzo let out a shaky sigh as he reached his hand up to clasp Omega's, kissing the ghoul's palm.

"He can fuck off. He and Sister both can fuck off. I think you're doing fucking incredible, and fuck them all if they can't see that. You've been doing your best, and it's gonna pay off. Like that Grammy, huh?" He smiled softly at Terzo, but frowned again when the only response given to him was a slight shrug.

"...I want to see them all fucking hang," Terzo growled after a moment, "I want to fucking strangle them…" He balled his hands into fists, though they soon released as Omega gently clasped them in his, kissing the mortal's knuckles. Terzo exhaled once more, "I'm fucking sick of this shit…" He closed his eyes, pulling away one of his hands to rub at his temple.

"Hey, I know exactly what will make you feel better." Omega grinned, his wolf-like fangs showing.

"What?" Terzo mumbled. When he got no reply, he looked up at his partner, noticing the look he was given. "...Oh, fuck you!" Terzo jolted up, glaring at Omega, "No! Fuck that!"

"Come on!" Omega snickered, "You can't deny that it helps!" His tail swayed behind him.

"What about my dignity!?"

"What dignity? You lost it when you started dating me!" The demon laughed softly as he scooted close to Terzo again.

"It's embarrassing!" Terzo argued still, backing away until he was almost falling off the bed.

"So? It's just us. No one else needs to know what we do here." Omega reasoned, his tail thumping a bit against the bed. Terzo was silent for a second or two as he glared at Omega before sighing, his face sweltering beneath his papal face paint. He crawled back over to the large demon, laying across his lap.

"I'm gonna fucking kill you when this is over..." Terzo grumbled.

"No, you won't." Omega snickered as he ruffled Terzo's hair, which made the small mortal huff and attempt to blindly fix his hair. "Ready?" He cracked his knuckles, the sound making Terzo tense. Before the Third Papa could say anything, Omega immediately began gently wiggling his claws into Terzo's sides, making the smaller man jolt and gasp, frantic giggles soon following. "Pfft— W–Wait!! I—Hahah— wasn't ready!!" Terzo brought his gloved hand to his mouth, trying to muffle his laughter and mask his smile.

"Well, if I didn't start now, you would never be ready!" Omega reasoned, pausing to attempt to grab Terzo's wrists. "And don't do that! I wanna see that pretty smile!" He huffed as Terzo tried to fight back, the Anti-Pope slapping at the ghoul's hands.

"F–Fuck you!!" Terzo snickered, letting out a panicked gasp as his wrists were caught and pinned down above him, unable to pull them away. He sank as he gazed fearfully at his partner with smiling eyes, giggling nervously. "...A–Abbi pietà!" His voice cracked, making Omega chuckle.

"Hmmm… No, I don't think I will." The ghoul grinned deviously as he walked the claws of his free hand up and down Terzo's ribs and side. At first, Terzo tried his hardest to hold in his reactions, his face scrunching as he did the best he could to keep himself from cracking, but that did no good as he broke less than four seconds later, Omega grinning triumphantly as Terzo crumbled. 

"There's that pretty sound." The ghoul murmured as the room quickly filled with Terzo's laughter, though it was clear he was still trying to hold back.

"Asshole!!" Terzo barked out through his laughter while he tried to hide his face in the pit of his elbow, not wanting to give his ghoul the satisfaction of seeing him break.

"Oh, don't be like that! You enjoy this!" Omega began to scratch lightly at the mortal's stomach, slipping his large hand beneath Terzo's papal robes to get as close as he could to bare skin. "F–Fuck off!!" Terzo swore again at Omega as his laughter increased in volume, now kicking his legs out as an attempt at coping with how badly it tickled. "No! You need this!" Omega scratched above Terzo's belly button to tease the poor mortal, which had the desired effect of making Terzo more frantic and try to suck in his stomach. "You're obviously stressed the fuck out and that needs to be fixed."

Terzo shook his head as he laughed, snickering as he kept trying to hold back. "It's— Snrk!— It's torture!"

"No, it's not. You're being dramatic. Think of this as a sort of intense massage!" The demon suggested as he scratched just right above one of Terzo's hips, making the human shriek. "N–NO!! NO, NO PLEASE!! NOT THERE!! OMEGA!!!" Terzo began to buck, much to the ghoul's amusement.

"Yes there!" Omega teased in a singsong-y tone, "This is the grand finale! It'll be over soon, babe." Omega's touch grew lighter and slower as he remained at that spot above the mortal's hip. This only made Terzo more hysterical, black tears now running down his cheeks from how hard he had been laughing.

"O–OMEGA, PLEASE!" Terzo squeaked, "I'M DYING!!"

"You seem very alive to me." Omega chuckled as he shook his head at his mate's dramatics, his claw slowly picking up speed and pressure before both of his hands at once attacked Terzo's hip bones, the smaller of the two now screaming with high-pitched and flamboyant laughter, thrashing about in Omega's lap and nearly falling if it wasn't for his boyfriend catching him. Terzo could no longer speak at Omega now, only being able to mouth pleas and curses at the other. Though, after what felt like an eternity, but was really about fifteen seconds, Omega let up, ceasing his attacks to allow the other to breathe and calm back down as he held him, bringing Terzo's head to his chest as he rubbed and patted his back. He chuckled alongside Terzo's leftover giggling, squeezing the other tightly and protectively.

"You good?" Omega smiled softly at Terzo, who nodded and tilted his head up to face him, his makeup smudged and his face stretched with a wide smile. "...Y–Yeah… Huff… I'm fine… Puff…" Terzo responded as he still gasped for breath. Omega gently massaged Terzo's scalp as the small mortal pressed his ear to Omega's chest, listening to the ghoul's heartbeat to help him calm down.

"... I'll get your ass later for this…" Terzo groaned, still embarrassed, which earned him a chuckle from the large demon.

"I'd like to see you try."

[flecks-of-stardust]

¡¡Hola, Stardust!! Esta pregunta es opcional, te la envío en caso de que quieras escribir algo en chino hoy.

Cuando escribes alguna historia, ¿te gusta pensar en qué patrones de habla tus personajes tendrían si los escribieses en tu idioma? ¿Qué personajes te imaginas que usan mucho "slang"?

Que tengas un lindo día c:

hi fran

finally getting around to answering this but! i am using this to share more about the characters of IWSY! because yes.

i've actually,, never really thought about my characters speaking cantonese before, bar one character? but i specifically made her because i wanted to see myself and my origin in a story, and she's for a very different story i haven't talked about on this blog. for the IWSY characters i've never done it before, but tbh it's comforting to think about it. i'm gonna put the rest under a cut because this is pretty long.

the baby group is the easiest to answer for. they're all intended to be kids (or, well, 'kids.' relatively speaking.), so slang is going to be pretty common for them, especially slang that's currently used. anything vulgar is free game, but really it's just about like. modernity, i guess? my classmates were very crass when talking to each other LMAO and that's kind of how i think the baby group would be. loud, chatty, every three words a slang term is thrown in, etc. des and prayer i think are the ones to use the most slang as well. des because... des. i don't know how to explain that, it's just right, and prayer because it will Absorb whatever it hears into its vocabulary. so in a way it's des' fault i guess FKJGS

i don't actually have examples of the slang they'd use because i myself don't know jackshit about the slang because i live under a rock 👍 but that's how innocence is as well. they and moth use slang the least, but they don't Not use it. these two are just generally the quietest, and cantonese is. ah. loud. :D it depends obviously! but cantonese is definitely part of those languages where if you're talking cheerfully and excitedly someone that doesn't know the language might go 'hey why are you arguing?' and that's definitely a thing that des and prayer and grace, sometimes, will run into, but usually innocence and moth are quiet enough that it never comes up for them.

silver is the one who uses the ~fancy~ words because he's a fucking nerd. everyone makes fun of him for it. they love him but they dunk on him for it fJKNJKSD but he'll fire back readily, it's all in good fun. second place for fanciness would be grace, but silver definitely wins on this front. they're both pretty eloquent for sure, and would just know more literature and so more, like, idioms than the rest of the baby group. silver just does it more, and grace does it when he's being dramatic. though granted, he's dramatic pretty often.

night is just chill, as it usually is. it and innocence are just chill vibes generally, with moth usually in that corner as well. night isn't quiet though, that's something else. just chill. probably has the nastiest mouth though actually. night would curse your family out in a very mellow tone and not bat an eye :D

as for day, she's much, much older, so her speech patterns are going to be more reminiscent of someone who's approximately in their 60s. her pronunciation will be different, with less 'lazy' sounds, so like there's a more clear separation of /l/ and /n/ phonemes and also the nasals are more distinguished. she also, by default of being older, sounds a bit more fancy, like she's sometimes. less direct about what she means i guess? but it's also because of how much she knows and the experience she has. she's easy to talk to still, she just markedly talks Different because she communicates with what is common in her generation. it's basically like talking to your grandparents. i guess. actually idk if that's applicable generally, but for me talking to my grandparents was always a little different. something something chinese culture i guess, idk. also regarding slang, idk she probably uses slang from her generation. no idea what it'd be though.

for reference, the approximate human ages i'm working with here have innocence as around 19, the triplets (des, silver, and night) being 18, grace and prayer being 17, and moth being 20, almost 21. these are Very rough approximations that don't match up to the actual age difference between these seven. day is somewhere in her... early 60s i guess? mid 60s maybe? to compare with the timescale in rain world:

unparalleled innocence — first came online in late 1515 clandestine question, nine silver linings, no mournful night — came online in mid 1522, in that age order. they were turned on only a few cycles apart each, so they consider each other to be the same age mist on the horizon — came online in 1503 gracious mercy — came online in early 1529 one final prayer — came online in late 1528 delight of day — powered on in 808

for reference, pebbles came online in 1509. these 8 are all part of the final generation, while day is part of gen 1. also, my generations are probably pretty different compared to a lot of other people's headcanons. moon and wind are gen 18, sig is gen 19, and suns is gen 10. there's more generations and different generation cut offs. the point here is that day is Very, very old, and the baby group are really really young.

[slowdripsunrise]

BOOK REVIEW AGAINNNNNNN yippee i have actually been reading... not a lot but well i am ! kinda forgot about this blog ok thats not true i was just lazy and didnt want to write a post. well anyways heres a big post for all the stories i read there are 4 - things have gotten worse since we last spoke by eric larocca, paradise rot by jenny hval, soft science by franny choi, and the country will bring us no peace by matthieu simard ! spoilers under the cut

ok first i read things have gotten worse since we last spoke because i wanted to go on a little kick of reading weird crazy people books at 3 am. and i did! chose this one because i saw it was very short so. anyways i thought this was.... okay. i think what made it a little worse off for me is that i already knew about the whole parasite thing from tiktok, so it wasnt that crazy to me when it actually happened. gonna be honest i do Not remember how the book ends at all so i dont even know if it was satisfying or not. was my experience worsened by it being 3am and me not having any thoughts at all? probably. would i do it again? yeah. i was a lil bit disappointed in the apple peeler part too... i thought it was going to be more relevant than it was unless there are some hidden symbolism meanings motifs going on that i didnt get... actually now that im thinking about it big long unbroken peels of apple + a big long probably worm-like parasite? next to each other thats kinda cool. other than that thought i literally just had now typing this out i didnt see anything else. omg speaking of seeing the tagline and also its mentioned in the book, "what did you do today to deserve your eyes?" crazy ass fuck sentence. i kinda love it actually and this is maybe where i would have like to see the apple peeler come in. she takes the apple peeler to her face and peels her eyes out of her head idk. also i feel like either on tiktok/goodreads they were supposed to be ballerinas? but that wasnt mentioned at ALL? i might be misremembering but that also could have been a cool little anecdote. anyways all this to say i thought the book was alright. i was entertained for like 2 hours. my favorite part of this experience was going on goodreads after and seeing a one star review of the book that just said "men stop writing trauma porn about lesbians." which is SO FUCKING FUNNY. because 1 im pretty sure the author is nonbinary, so hes not a man. 2. WHO IS GETTING OFF TO THIS. sorry i do absolutely not see any fetishization here, and also i think they write stories like this in like collections,, so there are probably people other than lesbians in them. idk i just thought that was funny. jesus christ this is getting long and i'm only 1/4 done. i pity anyone who opens this.

next i read paradise rot by jenny hval, which i had heard was dubbed the "bisexual piss book" intriguing and also a short little story i read at 3am. i did like this one, i thought it was fun and interesting and im a big fan of rot. just in general. vibes were on point. this book was moist. however, not as much piss as i expected. as in like quantities on page. they did talk about piss a lot and by they i mean the narrator. not as horror-esque as i thought it would be but i did like it! ohhh to simply rot away...... would not recommend this to normal people and i like that about it.

soft science by franny choi !!!! really liked this! im going to be honest i do not remember more than one poem from this collection. but i do remember liking them !!! sorry i think i need to train my brain to like and remember poetry more. and not just like the ones from tumblr webweaves even though all of them slay.

finally i read the country will bring us no peace by matthieu simard. i liked this, thought it was super interesting,,, ok i didnt think it was super interesting i thought it was good. god i am trying to program myself out of academic reviews of stupid dumbass books i was forced to read. this isn't like that at all. anyways i thought the whole grief aspect was done very well, the sadness at knowing literally nothing will work or come together to make your life go back to the way it was, go back to being whole again. and that deep deep sadness of not only losing their daughter but also the life they had before, the life they had with each other,,, losing all hope. it definitely got to me i did almost cry i think. i think i have more to say about this but i don't remember it. oh well. i thought the vibes of a hostile small mountain town were cool ! i think one of my favorite scenes was when the lavoie's kid falls from the antenna and they are just standing there doing nothing and simon has to go save him... idk the fact that they were shown as perfect parents for their perfect children and how not great they actually were <- this thought is dumb and obvious you get what im saying. one of my main issues is that the ending did feel rushed... and i was a bit confused,,,, the last line "a bird starts to sing" i couldn't tell if that was meant to be marie and simon hearing birds in the afterlife, in the woods by the bowling alley? or was that just the birds in the town finally starting to sing? because if its the latter i don't really get how simon and marie dying would bring the birds back.. the town is still dying and tragedies will still happen... idk its probably the birds in the afterlife but oh well. ok final thought i think but i think the title in french is interesting. it's called "ici, ailleurs" which means "here, elsewhere" or more like "here, something better. here, a new beginning." i like that, obviously it's what the book is about, and idk i think the translator did a good job at conveying the message. i think i would read this book again but in french, mostly to practice because my french is shit but i think since it only really stays in one setting, there's not a lot of characters, concepts are pretty easy to understand, i think it would be fun !!!! ok im done those are my reviews of all the books ive read in the past week or so thanks to anyone who reads this whole thing you are crazy. peace and love

[catboybiologist]

Alright, this is going to be a ramble that's been pent up for a very, VERY long time. And fuckit, its gonna have some specific details, but I have so much rage about this that I don't even care anymore.

I'm gonna take a moment to brag, because I promise it'll be relevant.

Most people following one of my blogs probably consider me physically fit. And hell, I am proud of my physical accomplishments. I'm a very strong swimmer. I'm extremely "naturally" good at ocean swimming and freediving- during my introductory freediving course, I exceeded the requirements for two certification levels above me, and I've tried to maintain that skill. I'm not as "naturally" good at through hiking and climbing, but I was able to dedicate myself to it for a bit and easily did routes such as the HST, Rae Lakes loop, and "self-made" routes through other parks this summer. I'm looking to the JMT and others in the near future. I'm no boulderer, but I scramble over rocks and logs with ease. I'm far better at all of these things than an average human being.

But here's some other fun facts:

I've never had a mile run time below 10 minutes. I only have one below 12 minutes, and that was when I was actively training and pushing myself to it. This is below the average mile time of a man in his 50s.

I have to tap out after doing a pitiful number of jumping jacks.

I've never participated in an organized sport.

During PE and team sport activities I was forced to participate in growing up, I was always the person picked last, and was clearly the worst of the bunch.

So let's talk about this. CW, medical stuff ahead.

Take a look at these:

These are two surgical scars on either side of my left ankle.

When I was a preteen, I had a nasty twist in my ankle that fractured my ankle's growth plate. I was on crutches for a while. Even with physical therapy, still walked with a limp afterwards.

My doctor was confused at my recovery, and also thought that my fall was too minor of an incident to cause the damage it did. Eventually, follow up X-rays and even an MRI of my foot were done.

Every. Single. One. Of the bones in my ankle, and some in my feet, were covered in hairline, spiderweb looking fractures. I had abnormal growths and bone spurs (cue the Trump jokes). The MRI revealed the culprit: a bridge of cartilage in my heel, partially fusing my ankle joint. The end result was a reduced "springiness" and impact resistance in my ankle, as well as reduced flexibility both left/right and up/down. So when my foot tried to flex too much, or encountered an impact that it couldn't properly accommodate for… all of that extra force and flexing was going through my foot and ankle bones instead.

Now under normal circumstances, this probably would've been totally fine. If excess, repeated impact weren't applied, or I didn't flex it improperly on a regular basis, and in general, I just quit whatever I was doing when my ankle started to get sore, it would just be one more quirk of my body that I had to watch out for for the rest of my life.

Jogging was exactly the kind of repeated impact that stressed it out. It hurt. A lot. I knew something was wrong. I pleaded PE teachers and coaches for something, anything else to do.

But after a while, something else started to happen- since I was limited by my ankle, and not my cardiovascular health, I never got my heart rate up in PE. I never worked on any kind of physical health. And it started to slip.

So in addition to pain, I was starting to huff and be overexerted to the same level as everyone else for those pitiful 12 minute mile times. And so, of course, the PE teachers thought I was just being lazy, and just needed to work harder to improve those times. I just needed to push myself harder. Clearly it was just how much and how effectively I was training that was the problem.

I had extensive orthopedic surgery when I was 15. My ankle was opened on both sides, the bones pried open, cartilage cut out, and a titanium plug inserted to ensure that the gap between joints stayed open.

I spent pretty much the rest of my teens recovering from that. Physical therapy, pain meds, the works. It impacted my mental health a lot as well, of course.

It all started to work, however, and ~1-2 years out from the surgery, I was fully ambulatory and mostly pain free. By undergrad, it was a quirky fun fact- I could joke about being a cyborg because of that little scrap of titanium. It still bothers me from time to time, even today, but I know my limits and basic home PT techniques well.

I was still attending PE the entire time. I had some accommodations, but they were essentially just the teacher saying "alright, you're still running the mile, but I'll be lenient on grading you". I had the doctor's notes. I had the meetings with administrators. I had the paperwork to back me up.

But a lot of mental damage had been done. I had already internalized being the "physically unfit" and "lazy" kid. I took no care for my physical health. I thought I was a lost cause.

I always like hiking and swimming, but once I had the ability to explore my options, I started leaning more and more into them. And hell, I found out I was quite good at them. Nowadays, I can't do them daily, but I do them as often as I can, and try to do semi-frequent exercises adjacent to them- weighted stairs and the like.

I'll never be champions at them. When I swim directly downwards in freediving, I "spiral" down because of the asymmetry in my ankle flex. My ankle was also the first thing to give out nearly every day on the trail, not in a dramatic way, but in a "hey, probably time to make camp for the night" kinda way.

High school and middle school PE actively prevented me from doing that. I was too exhausted and in too much pain to explore any exercise options that weren't something I was specifically forced to do by the class.

Discovering my form of exercise was part of my mental recovery. But let's extend this a bit further.

What if I didn't? Or couldn't? I cannot fucking imagine going through the mental beatdown of having a disability during PE during as a teenager, internalizing that in your ego, and having a piece of your self worth tied to it. Hell, even when no disability is involved. What if your value is so intrinsically tied to your weight, and the fucked up, wildly inaccurate idea of "health" that this system puts on kids? It's fucked up. I know I'm privileged to be ambulatory now, and to actually have forms of exercise that work extremely well for me.

The true mental healing wasn't getting physically good at the things I do, or exercising well. It was trying to free myself from arbitrary metrics of physical fitness as a measure of self worth.

Maybe I'm being dramatic. Maybe my situation is too rare, or too specific, or too tied into other confounding factors in my life to matter. Maybe it became a bigger problem in my head because I was going through other stuff at the time as well.

But I don't know. Even considering all of that, even trying to remove that all from me, even trying to look at all this neutrally, I just can't see the value in PE- at least, not the way its conducted in most US schools. It doesn't contribute to student health. It doesn't give students a physically active break during their day. And in some cases, it actively hurts people.

Fuck PE.

For research (and due to my own grievances):

Reblog for bigger sample size (or don't, but I will be yelling at you from the sidelines)

[onepersonproject]

One Person Project

Hello person who somehow came across this post.

I’ll add at the outset that I’m not a writer, so there won’t be generous posts that can give anyone anything to think about. English is not my first language either, so I apologize for any mistakes.

I created this blog because I want to change my life. Tumblr is a website, I think, created for this type of shit. I don’t expect anyone to read it, because it will be my virtual diary, but if anyone comes across this page full of trial and error and is willing to help me in any way – with advice of course – I’ll be more than happy with that.

But maybe I'll introduce myself first.

Hi, I'm Anna. I'm in my mid-20s and two days ago I decided to change my life. But seriously. I don't stand out in anything special, in fact, I'm such a boring person that no one really notices me. And that's my problem, too.

My life is boring (shocking, isn’t it?). Every day I go to work, and then I come back and go to bed. The days off are not much different, because I actually spend the whole day at home doing nothing.

I have no hobbies. I've never found anything that would interest me enough to take care of it. I've made a few attempts to get interested in something, but they've always failed.

I don't have any friends. Because of my shyness, which kept me through high school, even though I tried to overcome it, I didn't make any close connections. Although I am now more open to people and can talk to them normally, I am no longer able to make any real friendships. I won't even mention another relationship.

I don't like myself. I don't like the way I look, I don't like the person I've become over the years. I don't like my laziness, my spitefulness, my quick irritation and nervousness, and the fact that I wasted my teenage years on nothing while other people at my school were making memories.

I graduated from a master's degree in a field that may have interested me a little, but it's not promising at all. I consider myself a stupid person, and I don't think any degree would change my mind. Maybe I'm retarded for my age, I don't know.

I consider myself a failure. I keep everything to myself, because I am ashamed to tell my family about my inner thoughts. I think they'd laugh at me or wave at me and say there's bigger problems in life. And I know it is, because OF COURSE there are bigger problems in the world, which you can see even on television or on the Internet. But for me, this is an important matter, after all, my life is at stake, right?

I have no desire to live. I can lie down for a couple of hours watching movies or sleeping and that way I lose a good few days a week. I don't know how to encourage myself to do anything.

My state of health is a joke. I eat junk food that should have eaten my guts a long time ago. How I'm still holding on, I don't know.

And lately I've been thinking about my life. Why isn't everything going the way I want it to? Why doesn't anything change? Why doesn't my life look like the lives of the people from my school?

I know, it doesn't look like that 'cause I'm not doing anything.

It's getting more and more frustrating. Because do I really want to spend my whole life like this? Going to work and coming home and doing literally nothing? If one day I have a family, and my children or grandchildren ask me about my younger self, what am I going to tell them? That I was so lazy and reluctant to live and that I didn't do anything about it?

But what I'm talking about, how I can start a family? With this lifestyle, I'll never meet anyone.

It makes my heart very heavy. And although I made a few attempts to make some small changes – writing diaries, meditating, doing some manifestations (not suitable for this I guess) – I quickly lost the desire to continue. My "every day" diary changed to " every month" and later "every couple of months".

And I think the frustration with this state of life is reaching its limit. I really need to make some changes, or I'm gonna get stuck in this nothingness mode, and I'm gonna end up having a grudge against myself for not doing anything about it. So I thought that maybe such a virtual diary would be better than a paper one (I think I even prefer to write on a keyboard). And maybe somehow there'll be someone who'll have some advice for me on how I could change things a little bit. So I will put here from time to time, maybe more often, maybe less often my progress – the bigger ones and the smaller ones.

Officially I am starting my “One Person Project”, where I will finally pull myself together and fight for myself.

If someone somehow came across this post and even read it to the end - I want to thank you. And I hope I haven’t ruined your day because of my funny “new year, new me” type of post type. Or night. Wherever you are.

(And please no malicious comments, I know I'm pathetic. I accepted it a long time ago, let's move on).

[raccoon0001]

November 20th, Monday 20:38

So, first of all, hello, Im Raccoon, well at least i would like to be one. Im 17 years old and i frequently write down my thoughts when i feel sad or angry in a pink notebook by my bed, for the past four maybe three years.

And lately i have been thinking of just trying to write down my thoughts everyday, about how i feel, to know what i am even feeling, and that I'm not just overwhelmed and impulsive at the moment. So i don't ruin my next week or day by obsessing over that one boy that smiled that one time at me or was funny. Because in reality he doesn't like me and i need to step down and realise that, but maybe he does and everything is not a big fat lie, but it is. At least for me, mostly. Everything, almost, everything is fine in my life, except for being kinda fat and not having a real, single boyfriend in my 17 years of living. I know that is not that much and what i am even worrying about, because i have the whole life ahead of me(i dont see myself living past 20). Well could kind of imagine it, but because of one thing and another i always thought i would not live past 18, but now i am 17 so its quite possible i will live past 18, dont really know what will happen afterwards.

Its kind of a dilemma i know to love someone u need to first love yourself and shit, but i really hate myself most of the time, i hate how i look, i hate how lazy i am, i hate stressful i am, i hate how sick i am...yada yada yada. I know there are physical things i am able to fix, but how do i know i just wont regress? Even now im imagining how this blog or whatever this is, is gonna get popular, and be turned into inspiration for poems or people, but after all this text is just my personal feelings, about myself, for myself, that dont really make sense sometimes, because my native language is not english lol and im typing in a hurry and then gonna prob put a pretty background or something and post it if i get the courage, well its a very big probability nobody is going to read this ever, bcs lets honest who reads blogs these days..

always the artist never the muse" i have been very attached to this quote(dont know who is the author) i even begun last year attending professional art school, so i will probably never be the muse even how much i want to be one. Its almost the same with taking pictures, im always taking pictures of others and there are almost never anyone taking picture of me without asking. Well i dont really like people specially taking pictures of me, because of how ugly i look, but still, i dont know. Theres this one friend who takes pictures of me, because that of other things that that person does makes me think im gay or that she likes me, because shes gay. I think im not gay. Like i would prefer a guy fucking my brains out not a girl, but i could never imagine anyone fucking me, mby i can.. hmm not rly, maybe because i have never been fucked, or my imagination is kinda weak. Well i am in art school so i thought it should be good, but lately, well after that thing in 2018 april, I think i have been in this one giant art block. Maybe i need to go to a therapist, to sort things out, not really sure.

I wish sometimes i was a boy. And i think i stink right now, fully emotionally and physically. Whats up with that.

I must have too many dreams and too little motivation.

I dont think i should have continued art, its too much, im not even good at painting, if i actually started practicing more maybe i would, but i think im still worse than most of my peers. And in this school there are mostly girls here and i know almost nobody outside the school and town bcs i didnt even live here two years ago, the ppl who have lived here their whole childhood dont even know where to turn to get a shortcut!

My goal this evening was to paint something, but somehow i started writing a blog..

I think i should have been better of dying that day in 2018. Im not good of a person and i dont really know if ill ever change. What does actually happen after death? Has anyone thought of that? I kind of think after you die its just all pitch black and then u suddenly open your eyes and there you are as your first memory u can think of at 10 years old or whatever, like 'snap' and there you are, but dont know who you were or who you will be. I kind of want to get into biology, but idk if a have the commitment for it.

Two days ago when i was a home visiting my family, after sauna, I was sitting by the table with some other cousins at my grandmas house and one of the older cousins, who was kinda drunk btw, asked me if i had a boyfriend, i thinking already of crying and just jumping down a building calmly said: "no, do i need one?". i want one.

I think my mom is homophobic, but. i also think that im not gay, but i will probably never get a bf, because ppl these days are very obsessed by how other ppl look from the outside mostly or i just dont know a lot of ppl and real life is not like the movies or manga that i read in my free time, that i should stop reading, maybe that would solve everything.

Also by wishing that i was a male, because it really seems to be bit easier to be a boy, how the world looks at you, and how theres a lot more chance of no rejection. Maybe im just living in my small minded world and have not that many ppl with different opinions on life that would make me understand that the world works differently. A lot of ppl around me also believe we are born to fulfil our one mission here on earth, i still dont see mine here, like ppl would be fine if i went and died and go on with they're life normally, because im just this one little spec of dust besides other 7 billion dust pieces, that separately are a nobody. Maybe my family would be devastated, but prob would be prepared for this kind of event about me and i think it would be much easier for my mum if i died, she worries too much about me.



Im just lonely.

A selfish bitch.

[moemoemammon]

I just found ur blog and read thru some of ur stuff and im in love !! Ur writing is nice to read, and always gives a nice picture of the situation

If its aight, could u do some headcannons for the demon bros Finding out mc goes real hard on housekeeping ? Im talking fast and good cleaning, does chores without problems, propably even cleans after them (totally doesnt mother them in anyway), all without complaint, mc just cares

Housekeeper MC!

(Feat. GN!MC and the Demon Bros)

✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦

Lucifer

The fact that he didn't have to shove a mop and bucket into your hands like the evil stepmother has him like 👀👀

Out of every person he's met, you and Barb are the only ones that actually enjoy cleaning? And now he's wondering if you've been influenced by him in some way because got damn are those floors sparkling-

Ever since you've arrived, the house has been immaculate. But as much as he enjoys that, he worries that you aren't leaving enough chores for his brothers to do.

They're gonna be lazy at this rate, especially if you keep cleaning up after them like that. He's planning to sit you down and have a good talk about how you should rest a bit, and- D...did you polish his desk????

"MC... as grateful as I am to you, I thought I asked you to rest? You don't have to clean every little thing in this house. You're here as our guest, and more, so I won't have you behaving like a maid. But if you're that interested in keeping your hands busy, you may feel free to maintain my desktop. It looks as good as new, thanks to you."

Mammon

Oh, so you're one of THOSE types, huh? The goody goodies that like to make everything clean and sparkly, huh?? Well don't expect him to help ya!

Was an asshole at first. Made messes to see if you'd clean them, tried to dump his chores on you, etc. But now that you've stolen his heart? Yeah, he wants you to sit down.

You're messing up your hands with all that time spent scrubbing crevices and dusting ugly old paintings, when you could be spending time with him!

Tch, that's it! If it's chores that're keeping you from looking his way, he'll just finish them before you can do anything! Checkmate!

"You're always scrubbin' somethin'! Let my brothers take care of the messes, while YOU sit down and watch this movie with me! Ain't no point in watchin' it by myself, so I ain't takin' no for an answer!" "Huh?? Waddya mean 'when was the last time I vacuumed'??"

Levi

Oi oi oi...! What do you think you're doing with that feather duster?! You don't think you've got the right to approach his figures with it, do you?! WRONG!

But you quickly discover how ticklish Levi is, and he squirms out of your way while watching in horror as you... delicately handle every figure? And dust them from top to bottom, without so much as an accessory out of place..?

Wait... are you seriously okay with picking up all that trash?? S-some of it's sticky from all the junk food, and- Gah! Don't go messing around in his closet!!!

Yeahhh Levi doesn't let you clean his room lmao. It's way too stimulating to watch you carefully touch every surface in his room... I-it's like you're heaven everything with your presence, and...

"S-so yeah! The only things you're allowed to clean are the figures and the outside of Henry's tank! Nothing else, got it?! Anything more and I seriously won't be able to handle it...I won't even be able to sit still in my own room......." 👉👈

Satan

Satan found it funny how willing you were to take up every little chore there was to be done in the house and he's got to admit, reading is much more enjoyable in a tidy environment.

But what he REALLY wants to know is how you managed to dust off every single book in the house, his room included, without him?? Knowing?? And you've done every shelf as well, cleaned out the cobwebs behind it, and even repaired that little tear in the upholstery of his favorite arm chair????

Has also deduced that you're probably the maid character in the books that knows everything. Actually, you're a lot like Barbatos. What secrets are you hiding human 🔫

Just kidding. But yeah, when you insist on dusting his room, he follows you around the room and watches you. You know, just in case you fall or something falls on you! No other reason.

"As much as I like having you here all to myself, it makes me feel bad watching you do that by yourself. Why don't you we clean together? We'll get it done twice as fast, and when we're finished, I'd like to read a book to you. You remind me of a certain character from a murder mystery novel I've started."

Asmo

Eeehhh?!?!? You've seriously managed to organize both his endless skin care product collection, and his ENTIRE wardrobe?!? You're amazing...!

And you don't stop there. You were more than happy to clean his tub for him and everything, and you know how hard it is to get oil off the side of a tub, right? You're a lifesaver!

Asmo casually pawns off his chores too you. Oh, he just did his nails! Can you do the dishes? Ah, he just bought this outfit. Can you take out the trash? He's about to go out with his friends to a party, so be a dear and take care of the common bathroom for him?

Lucifer scolds the shit out of him every time he catches him doing that. You're welcome. But don't think Asmo won't repay you! He'll give you so much love, you'll be drowning in it! Figuratively or literally, depending on your preferences-

"Fufufu... if you wanted my attention, you should've just told me! You didn't have to go tidying up my shoe collection, but I'm happy you did~! If you keep spoiling me like this, I might not be able to keep my hands off of you! Unless... that's what you wanted?"

Beel

Things tend to get pretty messy with Beel around, with the trail of crumbs he always leaves in his wake, and how he manages to get every surface he touches sticky. But you must be a miracle worker...

You're like a living roomba, and his ravenous appetite is no match against your cleaning skills! You seem to predict when the food bits will fall, and it's thanks to you that he can eat without a care in the world!

It's actually kind of scary, though. He'll drop a bite of his sandwich and move down to retrieve it to eat, and... it's gone. Poof. Into the ether of the garbage can...

You can still rest once in a while though, you know? Beel offers to help you with the cleaning, and he's more than happy to let you climb up his shoulders to reach those high places. It makes him happy to know he can lend a hand.

"MC, I already cleaned over here so you don't have to do it. I cleaned there, too. That means you don't have anything else to do, so why don't you have a lunch break with me? It's not good to work so hard all the time."

Belphie

Belphie's one for the more observant brothers, so your clean freak habits didn't go unnoticed. He didn't know if you were obsessed with cleaning, or if you genuinely enjoyed it, but at least you were doing it without a fuss?

And man did you do a good job. Everywhere you cleaned was left with the lingering smell of vanilla and lavender, and... you know, the smell is making him sleepy.

Every pillow his head touches seems especially fluffy, too! When he found out you made a regular habit of washing and fluffing them, and they smell amazing... He feels like he's laying on a cloud...

He won't admit it genuinely, but he really does love what you're doing with the place. It makes him feel a little fuzzy inside when he finds his pillow on his bed, freshly laundered and soft to the touch. He clings to it extra tight those nights.

"You know if you keep this up, I might prefer the pillows to your lap. Ah, but don't worry, I don't really mean it. There's no way a pillow could replace you, no matter how good it smells. I think."

[osamosa11]

*cough* here i am 1223423 years later as usual ... but here we go hehe (also im too lazy to deal with the font sizes i apologize in advance)

nine albums or songs I've been listening to lately x nine people I’d like to get to know better x tag game with no name

1. why did you choose your url? once when i had hopes and dreams my purpose in life was to find a miya twins enthusiast willing to twin usernames with me ... chaatsumu and osamosa because miya atsumu & osamu + samosa chaat .... but alas it never happened so now im osamosa on here and my ao3 is chaatsumu and just matching with myself like a loser /J /LH KASJDHNK

2. any sideblogs? if you have them name them and why you have them. my dude. i barely have one blog much less a sideblog JBHDSJKSB

3. how long have you been on tumblr? gmail says 2021!! i haven't actually posted/interacted outside of liking before this month though (it's evo's fault yall are now subjected to my presence JHBDC)

4. do you have a queue tag? i just learned how to reblog .

5. why did you start your blog in the first place? sigh i was gonna make it for fic recs when i started and then promptly abandoned it like everything else that doesnt remain in my attention span for over 5 minutes JKBHDC

6. why did you choose your icon/pfp? nan feng!!! beat up because he deserves to be bullied!!! /affectionate

7. why did you choose your header? pretty fictional people !!! bullying nan feng !!! sqx is my wife !!!!

8. what’s your post with the most notes? my sunflower fx art teehee <333 (she's at 69 votes rn actually ... we all know what that means *waggles eyebrows and then cringes*) but im so emo about him and sunflowers so it makes me v happy :3

9. how many mutuals do you have? idek how i would go about checking this but i probably have like . maybe 8 followers if that idk and i follow all of them back im pretty sure

10. how many followers do you have? refer to above hehe

11. how many people do you follow? mmm around 35?

12. have you ever made a shitpost? i shitpost on twt enough, the world wouldnt be able to handle me there and on tumblr

13. how often do you use tumblr each day? once or twice if that?

14. did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? ive spoken to maybe 3 in total but theyve all been super super sweet <333 yall are so nice . i have been getting slandered and bullied by my friendo mi for years who also happens to be my mootie here tho someone save me /j

15. how do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this’ posts i dont think ive come across this ?

16. do you like tag games? always appreciate the opportunity to yap * nods sagely*

17. do you like ask games? once again idk what this is JKDVBSDB i know what asks are but game...?

18. which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous? basically everyone ever is more famous than me so i think all of them are hehe

19. do you have a crush on a mutual? nope!

20. what is the last song you listened to? saturn - sza is playing rn hehe

21. what are you currently watching? link click live action! also remembered the tgcf donghua exists and watched all fengqing fight scenes yesterday LOL

22. sweet/ savoury/ spicy? i love love sweet and spicy!! preference depends on my mood hehe

23. what is your current relationship status? single pringle, just as it has always been !

24. what is your current obsession? fengxinfengxin and also my oc that evo knows about teehee ACTUALLY . GO READ THEIR FIC WITH HIM IN IT RIGHT NEOWWW ITS BEAUTIFUL ITS EVERYTHING THE UNIVERSE HAS EVER NEEDED

25. what are nine albums/ songs you've been listening to lately?

good days - sza

sunflower - rex orange county

alive - kehlani

best friend - laufey

the things you leave behind - maruwhat & anthony lazaro

the ballad of lucy gray baird - rachel zegler

blue neighborhood - troye sivan

manta rays - chloe moriondo

you were good to me - jeremy zucker, chelsea cutler

@beemilo @rampagingnoble @sugisyakult pokes you with a stick (v lovingly hehe <33) if you wanna do this !!!

nine albums or songs I've been listening to lately x nine people I’d like to get to know better x tag game with no name

(thank you for the tag @lianhuajing !!)

1. why did you choose your url? uh. it was a play on "rose tinted glasses"

2. any sideblogs? if you have them name them and why you have them. nope!

3. how long have you been on tumblr? I think 2022? i knew about it before, just never bothered to make a blog

4. do you have a queue tag? don't kill me, what's a queue tag?

5. why did you start your blog in the first place? I had some Thoughts about Blue Lock and wanted to post meta for it

6. why did you choose your icon/pfp? uhh Flora.

7. why did you choose your header? Reo is one of my Blorbos and I just really liked that panel of him

8. what’s your post with the most notes? probably the "do you download fics" poll

9. how many mutuals do you have? about 20? i don't remember

10. how many followers do you have? 120?

11. how many people do you follow? 91

12. have you ever made a shitpost? yes. i think.

13. how often do you use tumblr each day? an hour?

14. did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? nope

15. how do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this’ posts meh. some of them are funny i guess

16. do you like tag games? yep! it's nice interaction

17. do you like ask games? i do! but uh. it's a silent empty void here. an echo chamber, if you will.

18. which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous? i have no idea but i see @kingsandbastardz a lot in the mlc community

19. do you have a crush on a mutual? nope

20. what is the last song you listened to? 若梦 by 周深

21. what are you currently watching? i just finished The Double! probably starting on Dashing Youth next

22. sweet/ savoury/ spicy? savoury!

23. what is your current relationship status? single

24. what is your current obsession? The Double,,,,

25. what are nine albums/ songs you've been listening to lately?

若梦 by 周深

如故 by 张碧晨

如初 by 张碧晨

借过一下 by 周深

万物不如你 by 张杰

Our dawn is hotter than day by Seventeen

Hitorijana by Seventeen

my music taste is kinda...i tend to stick to a few artists...

26. tagging (no obligation to do this!) @randomingoftherandomness @good-vs-evo @chrysofightme @bbcphile

[akaisenhatake]

okay i feel like this needs to be said more in the hphm fandom.

[ and before you're gonna come at me after reading this do know that im giving my own opinions and im not good with words too so if i said something wrong just lmk without being mean ]

so first of all, i know yall haven't been getting attention or noticed for your works and yeah honestly i get it buddy, i think almost everyone has had this happen to them at least once while staying here, and its been happening for a while now

it just sucks when you know you've spent so much time from days to weeks to get your character's profile done only for it to be eating dust, or spending sleepless nights working on an art piece or a story writing that you're proud of only for it to barely get any likes or reblogs, boy that definitely hit deep in the feels

another thing i noticed is popularity

its pretty normal to get jealous of someone who got popular for their art though, some of them started off pretty strong.

i guess what i didnt like most was how some of the people who became mutuals with the popular bloggers only to get their art but not because they like them as a person

as petty as im gonna sound now, the underrated bloggers are just gonna get pushed further and further away but no one is to be blamed for this.

but do hear me out fellow hphm bloggers

i am here to remind you that its okay to feel petty about it, its okay to feel down because your content isnt getting the attention you wanted it to have. as they always say, a human's needs are never enough, you would constantly give yourself higher expectations.

but also remember that the amount of attention you get dont always determine your talent. its hard to accept the fact people may not like reading your writings or art or edits, and that makes you think you're bad at what you're doing. but i promise you its not.

for as long as you put effort into your work, there will always be someone that appreciates it. who knows, someone might keep coming back to your blog to admire your art or read your stories to sleep, you might've even made someone's day better because of a fluff content you posted months ago. the amount of notes you get doesnt tell you how many people saw your work, because like me, im lazy to like or reblog everything i see.

so, just keep doing what you do best, dont stop putting effort into your stuff, because in the end you're mostly doing it for yourself. once you're happy and proud of it, thats what matters.

oh and another thing

do interact with each other more fellow hphm bloggers

it wont take too long to send them a compliment, or ask them about their characters, or even ask them how their day went <3

well im gonna stop here

please do reblog so the people who may need this will be able to see it. stay strong buddies

here's avery to make your day/night a little better :)