#its always been a small sort of problem ive had with writing him!!! so im just trying to be communicative :3

[exspiravited]

i think im going to operate this blog the same as gira's previous blog and have arceus also be a sort of. side character here? instead of putting him on my multi whenever the hell i get around to revamping it lmao

but i just want to say that i write/hc arceus to be FAR more powerful than anything canon has ever shown us and likely ever will show us. the only real threat i can see being to him would be ultra necrozma. even though gira's whole reason and existence is to try to kill him she realistically never would be able to (which is why any plots of her actually being successful go into its own little verse!!). man can legit thanos snap anything he wants to. he has destroyed entire solar systems and galaxies. this isnt me being like 'oh well i just dont want him to lose!!' like. he's god!!!! so please respect my iteration/portrayal :')

i also dont really write arceus a lot since he is such a miserable little bastard and it deals psychic damage to me genuinely. i have to get into a good headspace for him and the thread has to be HEAVILY plotted. also, of course, i will NEVER have him hurt/kill anyone's muses unless given express permission to, which is what i mean by heavily plotted threads. plotting out everything down to a t so i know exactly what im doing and dont step on anyone's toes/cross any boundaries!!

anyways that's all i really wanted to say since ive been thinking about it lately. if you want to use him as a vehicle for angst feel free, people have LOVED having him beat the fuck out of their characters in the past and have genuinely been excited about it happening. and its like okay!! you guys are wild but if youre fine with it!!

ill get around to making both him and elys a page on the blog with info and stuff since they're both be side characters here! elys will likely be more used here than arceus for obvious reasons :)

[theoldaeroplane]

meandering thoughts (reflective style)

with my life seeming to settle a little bit (knock on wood) my brain returns to its favorite dilemma: relationships! how confusing they are for me! how i get crushes all the time on everyone and am too scared of alienating people important to me to do anything about them! operation "just be cool and hot and hope people are attracted to you" does not seem to be working, despite the fact i am both cooler and hotter than ever. i have always given off an unconscious air of "don't interact with me" that I think makes this difficult for people. (probably because I largely don't want most people to interact with me, and because I'm autistic and can't figure out social cues, and because even casual touch with people outside of a very small bubble activates like seventeen goblins in my brain!)

i talked to my therapist about these feelings last week and we're probably going to focus on them moving forward. this was really the year where i realized that the depths of the damage done to me growing up were much deeper than I thought. it's difficult to acknowledge that! it's hard to really look in the eye how much work I still have to do even now.

I've been reading about relationship anarchy and finding it appealing. the trouble of course comes in the practice. my therapist, who's trans and poly and is someone I trust to have good takes on these things, said something like ... "you can just ask the people you want to be closer to if they're interested in exploring a possible deeper intimacy." im both fascinated and terrified by this. sure i can just ask. what if i get told no? ive been told no so many times. it does a number on your self confidence! what if it makes this person who is important to me uncomfortable? what if it pushes them away from me? it's happened before! i can't risk losing what I have!

i suspect the fact my support network is almost entirely friends makes this much more frightening; without the kind of anchor relationship most people i know have in the form of immediate family, expressing interest in changing the relationships i do have kind of feels like fucking around in my operating system's files without a backup. it's sort of funny to be okay with the mortifying ordeal of being known, but being too afraid to even get to it.

relationship anarchy says, do away with preconceived notions of what a relationship "should" look like. kick out the fences and define new borders. fuck your friends and live domestically with your platonic life partner, if you want. this fascinates me. it's something I've been writing into many of my characters' relationships for some time now, without having a name for it. do i want a traditional partner? part of me thinks I do, but maybe that's just a lifetime of social conditioning. what would be the most fulfilling for me? i don't know. it seems like something you can probably only figure out with experience, and right now that's my problem.

i was raised by people who wanted me to "court" instead of date. (My therapist made a terrible face and said oh I hate that for you when I told him this.) i was raised by people who definitely would have tried to get me to read "i kissed dating goodbye" if i had done anything other than have a crush on a gay boy all through high school. I still talk to that guy all the time, crush free even, and he's in a great relationship with another man now. their relationship is strictly romantic; the partner fulfills his sexual needs with other people. i thought that was so cool when I first heard about it. I think it was the first time someone I knew personally demonstrated a functioning, nontraditional relationship. Others have followed. I'm so happy for them! I watch, fascinated, from behind the iron wall I've built for myself while "Hello My Old Heart" plays in the background.

it's Christmas as I write this, and I've got no plans. a few people have checked in on me, because I'm always alone at this time of year. (honestly, the checking in kind of makes it worse. "hey I'm celebrating with my loved ones and I know you aren't, how are you?") that's another complicated topic, but it's been a little easier this year. it's probably to do with both time and the fact that my adhd is being managed for the first time ever; it's common to have increased emotional regularity when that happens. I'm lonely, but I'm used to it, and things will go back to normal soon. It would be nice to have someone to spend it with. i don't know if it's in the cards for me. maybe next year.

I worry sometimes that I sabotage myself. Oh, I'm into this person, but they're in a relationship, or they're straight, or they're ace, or they live far away, or I work with them (as if any of those things are a hard limiter in all cases). I can find any excuse not to express my interest in someone. It's something I'm working with my therapist on.

As morose as this post is, I'm okay. today I'll mess around with my server project and go feed my friend's pets while he's away. I'll spend a lot of time thinking about this and distill my feelings down into something I can overlay onto a character; i see myself most clearly when I do it through a mask. I've got things to cook and a fridge to clean and an indoor bike to ride. There are people who care about me and it's important I try to remember that.

uh, happy holidays! i promise i am okay enough. please don't make me think about it any deeper than that. I really truly hope you have a good one.

[magnoliamyrrh]

I really hate how trauma effected my art. Ive seen many trauma survivors make beautiful art about survival and growth and other really beautiful stuff while i can only make really gross stuff about destruction and hopelessness. I dont like it. Every time i tried to make lighthearted things it didnt feel sincere.

I saw a movie about a disabled person who had an accepting environment and parents who loved him and everyone who heart him learnt from it and became kind to him and he grew up happily. It was around the time my story was really shapping up and i was even starting to be proud of it. But after watching that movie i felt so gross. That story actually gave hope to people but the only thing people will get from my stories is a small echo of my trauma. My brain is too clpuded by pain in order to create anything else. It makes me feel like a bad person. Did you ever go trough something like this?

heyo dear <3 yea i really do get what youre saying. my best friend some weeks ago was saying i need to put my art and writing and ideas out there and it send me down this same spiral, and its still something im struggling w tbh.. it makes me feel like maybe ive got nothing to add but my hopelessness, dispair, endless entrapment and contemplation of pain and sadness and doomfullness and trauma to this world... at least, most of it seems to be that, or it seems at best a fixation on trying to find some sort of grim, melancholic beauty in the rot. and whats the point, when theres already so much of that in the world..? and its made me feel like a bad person too, bc it just further reminds me im not that "ideal" trauma survivor

but. ive been trying to look at it other ways too. i think theres value in your writing and art if it comes from sincerity, and i think theres value in art which is depressing and doomful if its real and from the soul about it

i think it can provide a comfort for people who are much like you and i, at least, i always found that sort of art did.... if anything, while everyonce in awhile i appreciate a movie like the one youre speaking of, theres also many (most times) when even if i find it sweet, i find it.... harder to connect to, harder to resonate with, harder to care about. its nice and all, but i guess i tend to gravitate twoards art which makes my pain feel understood, seen, like someone else out there gets it, feels it too... and i think there really is just as much importance in that sort of art being out there as there is in that more positive side of it i guess ....... kinda like how i find comfort in even you sending this message, you know? you didnt write me some sort of hopeful thing, and yet, its both nice and sad just knowing someone has had these same thoughts and feelings running through their head and struggles w this too

... and.. maybe it doesnt seem like it to you at times, but i think in the first place writing a story, working on it putting it out there is in and of itself able to give ppl hope. bc its making something out of your pain and trauma, using it in some way, channeling it; hell, managing to get stuff out there despite feeling bad and traumatized - thats something

... and really on top of that, havent so many of the great pieces of literature of this world Been that anyway? doom, melancholy, lements, depression feeling haunted trauma endless problems endless tragedy with seeminly no resolution a general feeling of doom and dispair, clearly heavily influenced by these authors own shit.... and yet, they are read by so many people so many times, for both their artistic quality sure, but their relatabilty and realness too, their rawness, so that we can sit with something which understands. if you feel like your story and your writing is all doom and dispair you wouldn't be the first one for sure; plenty of great writers kept that going for decades

...

you cant and shouldnt force art, it should come from the soul. if right now this is how it is bc youre not feelijg or doing better, then it is how it is and it still has value.... and maybe one day, and i really hope so and wish so for you, you'll be better, yea? you will feel more healed, more hopeful, more at peace, in less pain, less tired deep down. and maybe then, your art will change and reflect what you will be feeling inside moreso, you will be making more of that art which feels more hopeful abt things... but until then, i rly think its still worthwhile and meaningful to keep working on what you've been working on <3 its what ive been trying to tell myself too

[midnighteloquence]

um

i actually dont know where im going to with this rant im just gonna type my emotions til im bored (tw: small mention of sh, suicide, mentions of drugs, depression i think??, relationship talk at some point)

recently ive been more tired and more burned out and sad. i dont know why, maybe its my lack of sleep, maybe uts other factors, but ive just been really depressed. not to the point of cutting again, to the point where im just apathetic towards everything. also C at some point texted me checking up on me and telling me to sleep to “remove the sad”. i got confused and asked why, and they said they were scared of me killing myself. am i really that obvious?? they talked about how tired i looked, how sad i looked, the scars on my arms. they talk alot about how i wont open up or talk about what im going through. no matter how many times you critique me for not opening up im still not gonna fucking do it, sorry to break it to ya. why? because im fucking scared. im scared because what if you laugh? what if you dont even care? what if you say some shit like “real” or “me fr” like you always do? i dont want to open up to you or anyone because of those factors.

recently ive been feeling more and more suicidal. ive been rummaging through the pill cabinets in my house, ive been keeping blades in my school bag and around my room, ive searched up ways to kill myself. ive been more and more tempted to write a note, to save just in case i actually do it. i think the only things holding me back is the fear of after death and my family’s reaction. i dont want my mum to cry because i was stupid enough to kill myself. i dont want to leave my brother alone. i dont want them to have to clean out my room. im scared of something that isnt finite, which is why im so scared of death. if there is an afterlife, you have to stay there infinitely. if there isnt, its pitch black infintely. infinite scares me, commitment scares me. its why im not dead

most days i feel like sleeping or bedrotting til morning. other days i feel like trying to find meds in my house that can give me some sense of euphoria. i want to feel a sense of floating. but none of the things in my house provide that feeling.

i dont feel anything from caffeine. its not even that ive grown a tolerance to it, its just that ive had a high tolerance from the start. maybe its because of my dad, since he drinks alot of coffee. i cant feel energised from anything, it sucks. why cant i feel anything over than sheer exhaustion?

and im not even sure if i want all of it to end, because who am i if not ill? if im not ill i have nothing to prove to people, i wont be able to talk about my problems anymore because id be fine.

i feel like all of my friends are going to leave me. its just a huge, lingering feeling thats been there for years. my friends would be better off without me, im not a good person anyways. im not enough, im not pretty enough or smart enough or talented enough or funny enough, my personality is a bore, i dont talk about anything thats remotely interesting, im overall not good enough. they all know that, i know they all know that. they probably have a groupchat without me, to talk about what i said, and talk about leaving me. So why dont you? leave me, ill kill myself and make you regret leaving me while im suffering (this is over exaggerated sorry)

i like this guy but tbh i dont know what itd be like to date him yk? like i would love to date him, but imagining a romance is sort of, impossible i guess? plus idek if he likes me back or if hes just messing with me, and idk how to ask.

also C kept on talking about how id like to make out with him, which ew. not every person with romantic attraction wants to make out with people. some people want emotional intimacy, devotion, the ups and downs of relationships. sure, physical affection is a thing you can experience in a relationship, but its not the only thing. jesus, all relationships have been dumbed down to is sex and kissing and im sick of it. why cant i have a partner to have every aspect of a relationship? to explore our likes and dislikes, to talk about things we havent shared before, to be emotionally committed, to give and receive, to show sympathy, to love a person.

sorry ik i went from suicide to relationships but at this point im just ranting about things on my mind

ive just grown tired of everything, im so apathetic. every day is blurring together, everything goes by so quickly. im turning 14 this year, I thought i was still 10, playing roblox endlessly with my friends while the world spirals into chaos. but no, im a teenager who spends all her goddamn time on her phone talking about how much she wants to kill herself. im scared of growing up to quick, of growing up at all. what if im an even worse person in the future? what if i dont get accepted to that one uni? what if everyone’s disappointed in me? i dont want to grow up this fast. i remember 4 years ago talking to my dad about how much i wanted an account on youtube, and him saying that i had to be 13. i said that it’d take forever, and he said that time would fly really fast. he was right, i picked my gcse options a couple weeks ago, this academic year has flown by so fast. i dont like it

i fear that im not the person my parents want me to be. i listen to music 24/7, my grades arent as good as they could be, im moody and spend my time in my room. i barely take part in my hobbies anymore, im just a mess. im so disappointing.

i ran out of topics so ill end it there, good night everyone (one person)

[phoneybeatlemania-bit-the-dust]

Re: the prompt post: 19, 13, 7 (any!)

7. “You’re a terrible liar.”

December 17th. 1971

John and Paul had taken Julian up to Liverpool; they were staying at Mendips for Christmas, hoping to capture some domestic bliss away from the chaos of being a former Beatle, as well as letting Julian get to know his external family a little better. Since the divorce, Paul had encouraged John to continue seeing Julian most weekends, dropping in on weekdays too, and more recently, start taking Julian for most of the holidays. Cynthia didn’t mind so much, she had a new partner she was seeing so it was nice for her to be able to take a break from Jules every once in a while.

John had in fact almost drifted away from his own kin at one point, but Paul insisted he maintained some sort of relationship with him. His problem was really that he didn’t understand children, he couldn’t relate to or connect to them. A psychologist could spend hours searching the index of his mind, but why bother? What it all amounts to is simply that though John wanted to be able to connect with kids, he just didn’t know how. Paul on the other hand just understood how to interact with kids. Perhaps it was boyish charm ever present in his spirit, but he just understood them far better than John ever could. Still, perhaps they balanced out well as a couple.

Paul unlocked the door to the home - he’d just from his dads, visiting some family. He didn’t bring John with him today (though he would in a few days’ time), because his father still wasn’t comfortable with the arrangement – though he’d have to get used to it, because John and Julian weren’t going anywhere.

“‘M back!” He chirped, shaking the snow off from his shoes.

“Were in ‘ere Macca…” John called out – his speech was slightly slurred, so that of course provoked a few questions in Pauls mind.

Entering the living, he couldn’t help but notice the bottles of beer scattered across the table. His lips plastered into a small grin as he asked, “Have you been drinkin’ love?”

“No…” John denied cheekily. Putting on a faux queen’s accent, he added, “I most certainly have not.”

“Well, I dunno about that. Think all those bottles might suggest otherwise.”

“They’re not mine.” John said with an attempted nonchalance. He was acting as though they were still teenagers, getting caught bunking school only to pop off down the pub.

Turning to Julian who lay upon the carpeted living room floor, Paul said, “What do you think Jules? D’you think yer da’s been drinkin’?” Jules nodded his head with cheeky grin overstating his face, “I saw him!” he said.

“Oi - I told ye not to tell on me!” John snapped, though with no real anger in voice.

“John, it has to be said, yer a terrible liar. I mean, yer truly crap mate.”

“Yeah, well, I never would’ve been caught if Jules hadn’t told on me.”

“Christ John,” he looked around him just to ensure a certain someone was not following behind him before continuing, “im not Mimi, im not gonna tell you off you know.” He picked up the shopping he had bought – Mimi had asked for a couple things – and as he walked into the attached kitchen, he joked, “Besides, think you might be old enough to legally drink by now.”

Following him into the kitchen, John started, “So what’d ye get up to with yer da’ then?”

“Nothing much y’know; just catching up with him and Mikey.” Paul said casually as he unloaded the shopping in his bags onto the table. “Mike’s girl is pregnant, d’you know.”

“Boy or a girl?”

“Dunno yet. They’re hoping for a girl, but they don’t mind so much either way. Da’s girl, Angela, is excited to have some grandkids on the way though.”

“Yeah, well – she might wanna lower her expectations for us. Don’t think we’ll be pushing out any of our own anytime soon.”

Paul dismissed this, continuing, “She’s lookin’ forward to meeting Jules in a coupl’a day’s time.”

John appeared to ignore this, asking with a smirk and sly rhetoricism, “Yer dad still doesn’t like me, does he?”

“Well, I wouldn’t say he doesn’t like you, but y’know,” Paul whipped him a smile as he continued unloading the bag, then added, “don’t think you’re his favourite Beatle.”

“If only you’d gotten with George or Ringo,” John quipped back sarcastically, as he made his way through the small kitchen, over to Paul. He placed a hand on Pauls waist, and brought his other hand up to his hair, to fiddle flirtatiously with the dark locks. “‘M sure he’d be content enough for you to marry either of them.”

Paul let out laugh, “Don’t think he’d be too happy with me marrying any guy to tell you the truth. ’Sides, don’t think George or Ringo would want me.”

“Definitely not George.” John joked back, still twirling his fingers through Pauls hair.

“That reminds me actually, I wanted to give him a ring soon. Wish him merry Christmas and that.”

“We’ll do that later…” John said as he angled Pauls face, bringing him in for a kiss. With some tender passion they kissed in the ever-familiar kitchen, embracing the delight of domesticity - but shortly after, they were sternly interrupted by a shrill from Mimi of, “John, I will have none of that in my house.”

Pulling away from Paul, he groaned, “Alright, Mimi,” though his tipsy voice still remained relatively unburdened. Paul stood there smiling, and fidgeting with Johns hands until Mimi said, “That goes for you too Paul. None of this silliness in my house.”

John just rolled his eyes in response, “Like a bloody boarding school in ‘ere.” he whined, but Mimi ignored the retort.

Dragging Paul into the living room, he kissed him once more as he pulled him down onto the sofa. They made out a little, embracing one another like adolescents, with Paul resting himself on half on the sofa, half on John’s lap – and John entangling his hands around his lover’s legs.

But Paul, being the more responsible of the two, broke away at last to ask, “Where’s Jules?”

“Why’s it matter?” John moaned.

“I don’t want him to see us like this.”

“He doesn’t bloody care!” John insisted.

“I bet he does - how’d you like to walk to walk in on yer own dad neckin’ it with someone?”

“I have walked in on me dad neckin’ it, and I didn’t give two shits-like.”

“Yeah, well, Jules is different,” he added a mocking, “plus, Mim’s isn’t standing for any of yer ‘silliness’ now.”

“Always eager to please the in laws aren’t ye Macca.” John said defeatedly, as Paul crawled away from his lap.

***

Look, I dont even care that its June. I like Christmas. I wanted to write a Christmas fic. I dont even care, im shameless!

Also, ive got quite a few other requests and like, im working on them I promise, but I always like to put in effort y'know so who knows when they'll be out haha. But ill try get another one out today <3

[patchdotexe]

explorers of arvus: heaven’s brazier / 1.11.21

HOWDY DOODY TIME FOR ARVUS NOTES

seeing as i post these so rarely: these are the notes i take for the d&d campaign im in with jorb, michael, solar, nyx, and penn! you can find the rest of my notes in the explorers of arvus tag on my blog. woohoo

- FIRST SESSION OF THE NEW YEAR LETS GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

currently nonverbal. boy howdyi h ope this wont be a problem. this is fine hold on ive figured out how to make wordpad fucked up and evil. nice. okay time to wait for everybody to assemble ITS BEEN SOOOO LOOOONG also i got to meet audrey! that was pretty poggers

time to head north to the swamp! to cure the plague. as a reminder, one time taure helped somebody sell drugs. NORTH! LETS GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO north of us is a radical jpeg. the radical jpeg is this huge tower! prolly heaven's brazier, then. pog solar: hey does it look like this? [sends a screenshot of a ?cragrock tower? from betweenlands] michael: ..........no.

oops uh oh we didnt . consider being stealthy. this is surely fine

found a small settlement of some sorts! like, right out front of the tower. TIME FOR EVERYONE OT INVESTIGATE

nyx: I FUCKED, jorb: what did you say??? nyx: i said i fucked! leo: WHY ARE YOU FUCKING?

oh man i shoulda read my notes from last session. fuck shit damn. okay this is fine, michael gave us a recap im just Really spacey

AWW! CRABS! or, uh, lobsters. a bunch of lobsters buried themselves here! four feet tall mounds o' mud containing Lobster Friends. they might not be friends actually.

OH GOD I VIBE CHECKED OUR MICROPHONE okay its fine. everything is fine

charlie poked one of the lobsters and everyone got mad BKJDFXGBF OH SHIT THE ALDANI TALK OH SHIT THE ALDANI LOOK WEIRD-- POH MY GHOD MICAHELELEEEEE MICHAEL michael has lil crab claws

okay so the aldani are . a lot. theyre not hostile! theyre also terrified of us and we have no idea how to react. i love them, actually

okay these lobsters are totally being manipulated. time to talk to a false god that's eating the aldani! basically theyre really happy that their god whose name ive forgotten how to spell (fjolnir?) has returned to free them from their lobster curse. except im pretty sure he's just eating them. time to talk! the aldani are very excited about all this but man i do Not trust like that. he's talking in oldtongue, which is neat! oh shit he speaks common too, pog. so far taure and thorne are committing diplomacy

charlie woke up yrel to ask them about fjolnir! i love yrel. yrel didnt actually have any info but any moment i get to interact with yrel makes me habby.

fjollnir is claiming to be a shard of the true fjolnir, and honestly this explanation hes going on does sound legit? i mean hes still definitely killing the aldani but he sounds like hes Trying. silje presses x to doubt

I Pet Silje

okay yeah fjolnir straight up killed the other guys. sucks. guess we gotta tell camp vengeance to Not Go Here

IN THIS HOUSE WE FUCKIN HATE HALVKAR fjolnir hates him too! big pog. sounds like halvkar is up northwest! also apparently the witch has the power to fuck with our minds, so that's... great. also we're not allowed to go east bc theres some sacred city (haedbar?) and fjolnir would rather we Not. also fjolnir doesnt know anything abt the vision, so. welp

man, i want cookies.

GODSPEEEEED YOU BEAAAUTIFUL BASTAAARDS

please no shrek. i do not desire this.

oh hey ive only just discovered that roll20 updated character sheet layout! or at least just moved the currency part. neat. god i wish i had cookies rn i cant stop thinking about it. FUCK ONCE WE'RE DONE ITS GONNA BE WAYYYY TOO LATE TO GO TO THE STORE AAAAAAAAAAAA FUUUUUCK and id have to change out of pajamas. this blows

thorne and silje bonding time! summer: silje looks at you and says ROLL PERSUASION. OH GOD THORNE ROLLED A NAT 1 THIS IS A TRAGEDY attempting to bonding time anyway! bonks thorne and silje together. now kiss OH SHIT OH FUCK A RIVER DRAKE OH GODDAMNIT

oh goddamnit sieron just burned all his spell slots on making healing elixirs (as he does before every long rest). fuck shit damn. OH GOD THE DRAKE ATE SILJE, THIS SUCKS (it didnt kill silje but it did a SHITTON of damage)

sieron is using the wand of wonder! aaaaaaaand HE'S GOING TO BLIND ALL OF US. GOD DAMNIT sieron blinded himself and thorne................. but hey, he blinded the drake at least! also kali. f kali

CHARLIE GOT TO USE DRAGON'S BREATH chose lightning element bc i didnt want to light any scenery on fire dfgkjgh but !! fuck yeah!! didnt have a good damage roll but im just Glad To Do It

silje is being eaten by the drake! silje says Fuck This and stabs the river drake with the blade of the river drake! OH NICE also bc he kinda exploded with blood at the start of the encounter he gets to enchant his sword with blood hunter magic stuff w/o spending health on it! that's pretty pog. god that was Super Cool, silje just sliced up the drake WHILE STILL BEING BITTEN DOWN ON what the fuck my dude

OH FUCK I FORGOT TO ROLL FOR WILD MAGIC nbd we good. got a 3. charlie will not explode today

HEY WHY THE FUCK CAN TAURE DO LIKE 40+ DAMAGE IN ONE TURN oh my god. taure what the hell. DUDE WE FUCKED UP THAT DRAKE SO BAD oh my god holy shit.

GOOD NEWS, SIERON HAS HEALING ELIXIRS

silje has chugged like 3 healing elixirs. good for him!

@ audrey: what does kali main in overwatch [update: michael’s PREVIOUS roommate is the one who played kali. i have no briancells]

we're gonna butcher the river drake! we cant find any salt because all the league players are back at camp vengeance. we did make a good meal though! fuck yeah temporary hitpoints

michael: always happy to activate your trap card, my dude.

hm. we forgot salve was a mechanic we were using. good news is we bought so much that we dont need to worry about it! we paid money to ruin a gameplay mechanic. charlie will not get the plague today

sieron: look! its a frog! charlie: HOLY SHIT, ITSA FROG

sieron i swear to god.

thorne found a weird bird! and then we got derailed talking about fallen london. (the weird bird was a weird batperson!)

fen hill... 2! (we have arrived at the witch's house and there's a big ol tree! and we purified fen hill by helping out the dryad.) OOPS MICHAEL FORGOT A MAJOR PLOT POINT this is what happens when we play like five times a year. womp womp. ill admit i have no idea when charlie's plot stuff is gonna come up bc everything happens So Much REWIND TO CAMP VENGEANCE taure's hair is gold! on the summer solstice! oh boy, and michael is gonna dm solar some info bc thorne rolled a nature check. okay so taure had a vision at Some Point about a tree, and also something about changing of the seasons, and i do not remember any of this and have not reread my notes so oops. WELL AT LEAST IM WRITING IT DOWN NOW

anyway so the witch can probably fuckle our brains so we're trying to be cautious for once in our lives. WILL HOPE'S GUARD SURVIVE THE NIGHT? NEXT TIME, ON EXPLORERS OF ARBUS! ..............im leaving that typo

[deathboundinautumn]

THE POSITIVE & NEGATIVE;  Meme.

Mun & Muse

fill out & repost ♥ This meme definitely favors canons more, but I hope OC’s still can make it somehow work with their own lore, and lil’ fandom of friends & mutuals. Multi-Muses pick the muse you are the most invested in atm.

tagged by:   @foxcharmed​ (ily) tagging:    oof this is a longer one so ima tag only a few people @rock-you-like-a-hurricxne​, @niflheimqueen​, @tacitusauxilium​, @finalhxaven​, @dxfiedfxte​, and anyone who wants to do it, steal it from me (I wont tell if you dont ;) )

MY MUSE IS:   canon / oc / au / slightly canon-divergent / fandomless / complicated.

IS YOUR CHARACTER POPULAR IN THE FANDOM?   YES? / NO. (I’m not entirely sure? I know he’s generally well-liked in the fandom)

IS YOUR CHARACTER CONSIDERED HOT™ IN THE FANDOM?   YES / NO / IDK. (I’m pretty sure people think he is)

IS YOUR CHARACTER CONSIDERED STRONG IN THE FANDOM?   YES / NO / IDK. (Yeah he's pretty fucking strong, just most people dont use him because you only have him for like a month :/ )

ARE THEY UNDERRATED?   YES / NO / IDK. (I wouldn’t say they are.  I mean the persona 3 fandom is already small as it is and everyone seems to like him so)

WERE THEY RELEVANT FOR THE MAIN STORY?   YES / NO 

WERE THEY RELEVANT FOR THE MAIN CHARACTER?   YES / NO / THEY’RE THE PROTAG. (In vanilla game not as much but in other mediums that tell the story (which are also canon) yes they are)

ARE THEY WIDELY KNOWN IN THEIR WORLD?   YES / NO. (just a homeless orphan) 

HOW’S THEIR REPUTATION?   GOOD / BAD / NEUTRAL. (Depends on who you ask.  The other members of the Senpai squad would say he’s the goodest boy.  But others call him a criminal/vagrant/troublemaker and all sorts of things.  Shinji prefers his reputation to be leaning towards the bad side as he’s more likely to be left alone that way)

HOW STRICTLY DO YOU FOLLOW CANON?   —   I have a very very hard time breaking canon.  The big thing being his fate on Oct 4th, its very hard for me to not honor that.  I like that his story has a beginning, a middle, and an end.  I like how his sacrifice impacts the rest of the group.  I try to honor that this is what the character wanted and by not letting him have it that im cheapening his sacrifice.  That being said I do have my own headcanons about things but I would say theyre hardly canon divergent.

SELL YOUR MUSE! Aka try to list everything, which makes your muse interesting in your opinion to make them spicy for your mutuals.   —   -pulls out homeless son from the dumpster- look at him, look at this burnt cinnamon roll.  He may be just a grumpy ol sour-puss but deep down there’s a heart of gold that can’t help but shine through.  Despite his reputation, my boy is wholesome and caring who will always go out of his way to help those in need even if he’ll deny it every time.  Just because he’s crunchy on the outside doesnt mean he aint soft on the inside. -tosses him back in the dumpster-

Now the OPPOSITE, list everything why your muse could not be so interesting (even if you may not agree, what does the fandom perhaps think?).   —  Boy I sure hope you like building character relationships at a snails pace because hoo boy is it gonna take a long ass time for you to get anywhere with this boy.  Opening up? What’s that?  How to do?  He doesn’t want to get to know you or your muse.  He just wants to be left alone so he can die in peace.  Don’t bother him.

WHAT INSPIRED YOU TO RP YOUR MUSE?   —   I dunno.  I replayed Persona 3 and just really really liked him.  Been in the RP game for a few years at that point and decided, meh fuck it.  If I don’t like it, I’ll just delete.  

WHAT KEEPS YOUR INSPIRATION GOING?   —   His struggle is something I hold very near to me and really cut me deep and still does.  Also all of you who think of me and wanna do things with me and my interpretation of Shinjiro <3

Some more personal questions for the mun.

Give your mutuals some insight about the way you are in some matters, which could lead them to get more comfortable with you or perhaps not.

DO YOU THINK YOU GIVE YOUR CHARACTER JUSTICE?   YES / NO / I SINCERELY HOPE I DO? (I believe that I do/am very confident in my portrayal)

DO YOU FREQUENTLY WRITE HEADCANONS?   YES / NO / SORT OF? (I think about them alot but seldom write them down.  Maybe I’ll start since Im actually starting to use tags to organize stuff)

DO YOU SOMETIMES WRITE DRABBLES?   YES / NO (Yep yep yep.  Somethings start as drabbles that make it into the thread (-cough the flashback of Mitsuru leaving the dorms in a thread I have going with @niflheimqueen​-))

DO YOU THINK A LOT ABOUT YOUR MUSE DURING THE DAY?   YES / NO

ARE YOU CONFIDENT IN YOUR PORTRAYAL?   YES / NO / SORT OF? (tons of praise throughout the year from the community has made me confident that my portrayal is well-liked)

ARE YOU CONFIDENT IN YOUR WRITING?   YES / NO / A LITTLE BIT. (sometimes when I’m on, I’m on.  Other times I look at my writing and am just like ‘dude find a different hobby’ but I keep on keeping on and the highs have been way better than any low ive gone through.

ARE YOU A SENSITIVE PERSON?   YES / NO. / SORTA.

DO YOU ACCEPT CRITICISM WELL ABOUT YOUR PORTRAYAL?   —   Aye if its constructive hit me.  But if you’re just hating then that’s not much use to me.

DO YOU LIKE QUESTIONS, WHICH HELP YOU TO EXPLORE YOUR CHARACTER?   — Fuck me up with this shit

IF SOMEONE DISAGREES TO A HEADCANON OF YOURS, DO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY?  — Sure, though I haven’t really had that happen before

IF SOMEONE DISAGREES WITH YOUR PORTRAYAL, HOW WOULD YOU TAKE IT?   —  Live and let live.  Throughout the years there have been other Shinji’s out there who’s interpretation I’ve looked at and been like ‘nah this aint it chief’ but hey you know what’s real easy to do?  Not give a shit, live and let live.  So if someone didn’t agree with it, I wowuldn’t much care if they liked it or didn’t  its my interpretation and if they have a problem with it and make a point to come at me about it in a way that isn’t constructive then I’d say they have the bigger problem.

IF SOMEONE REALLY HATES YOUR CHARACTER, HOW DO YOU TAKE IT?  — I’d be sad because he’s a good boy.  But again, if you really dont like him that much you don’t have to interact :’)

ARE YOU OKAY WITH PEOPLE POINTING OUT YOUR GRAMMATICAL ERRORS?   —   Ye, I make em a lot sometimes (especially if Im tired or something else).

DO YOU THINK YOU ARE EASY GOING AS A MUN?  —  I think so?   I haven’t been told that I’m not easy going and I’ve always felt very approachable.  I don’t always respond to dm’s but that’s because sometimes I’m busy but im always down to talk ooc.  It’s fun :’)

[lizzodorito]

quick vent

because i legit have no where else to put this sort of feeling and just.. writing it in a book or a doc just... isnt as cathartic. Hope this just fades into the void, please dont bother reading it.

Hey. screw proper grammar and spelling I just need to get thihis out.

my name is liz and hoenstly fuck this website because last time i actively used it for something other than mandolorian memes or sims mods/cc my ex boyfriend was fucking stalking me on it and catfishing me and comfort me by sending me those ask lists and i... i dunno if im over that. Fuck you Sven.

not the point, just wha t I have to think about every single damned time I find myself here no matter what.

I am so lonely. I dont have many friends at all and the ones I do are out to use me or not Get Into It with me, thouhg fair because im a shit load of a lot to deal with i guess. other friends i have are pretty backstabbing and they refuse to properly grow up and LIVE and THINK FOR OTHERS AND ALSO THINK FOR THEMSELVES WITHOUT IT HAVING TO BE DEFINED BY HOW PROUDLY TERRIBLE THEIR MENTAL HEALTH IS FUCK

And then i get shit for it

love being used guys hell yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah  no i dont i hate it so much literally when was the last time anyone loved me right outside of my family and even so its not like my parents treat me well. mother you may have improved drastically,  but similar to my self esteem, its still very much BELOW PAR and i hate having to witness both.

I am so lonely.

I go so long without saying any word sometimes, its a wonder i stil breath, although sometimes when i was young id forget to.

why is it that i get more depressed when i come back to the family home

does anyone else understand being family oriented to a family that really for the majority doesn’t treat you the same?

The voice in my head wont stop. it wont stop telling me all  the ways i have potentially fucked my budding friendships with my new friends isha and matt 

how am i a person who shares so little yet so much

BUT MY LORD THANK YOU these are people who... who are considerate and are processing what i am saying and are thinking of me

but how fucked up am i

and will that push them away

im often distasteful but all the same complex and layered and so useful and so interesting

and that’s why often enough it seems people dont put in the effort, or frankly, dont give a shit about me once i requrie effort, though their “care” for me beofre then was only for their own benefit.

im exhausted 

One of my best internet friends was raped and i was the one who revealed that to her and she just didnt realize it yet and i havent been able to fall asleep without thinking about it

i have needed to cry for over a week now and i haVent gotten to still i am so sad i am SO SAD

I am so charming yet cannot help being alone no matter how enjoyable i am for others to have around

Matt

He makes me question if im asexual

But I am only a human

porbably deifntieyl still asexual

but too much all the same 

Im just lonely and touch starved probably (more than usual to be clear) and want to be hugged and loved and he’s so smart and we talk for hoours and comfortably, for me, occupy eachothers’ space we talk for 

hours.

this is becoming poetry.

I feel like i am beginning to sound like a hobo johnson broken record

stop being poetic fuck off liz

he;s so 

I havent been hopeful like this in people for a long time

we went to a museum to support isha (she had to do a project that invovled socializing so ya know the inrovert crew (though i dont know fi matt considers himself one)) and we just were togeter (in rather close proximinity) just speaking in accents, partly hoping to excite the strangers crowding everywhere about “foriegners” being here at the exhibit... but i think it was mostly just for us. for our fun 

because voices is what we like to do

i love voice acitng 

he committed to it, i fell out of it more times than he did and he gets more specific with accents than i do

he likes what i do

he loves the characters and my many talents

he loves my writing

he wants me to join his dnd campaign over the summer with his friends

is it for me?

does he want... me

or just my character maggie that everyone loves

he wants me to join the campign he’s in npw with his friends, as he’s a player character and not a dm as he would be over the summer

he doesn’t quite get how lonely i am

i worry i made him and isha uncomfortable last night... i joked about actually being loved properly

he immediately looked at me strange, me not realizing the joke was taken as truth

“Liz, is there something you need to talk about?”

“Oh! Oh, well, um...” hi i come from an abusive family and you both dont realize how much it meant to me that you wanted me to come and are consitently telling me and thanking me for coming because... you’re telling me im good company and its been so long since i have had real friends or gone out with friends and ACTUALLY FULLY AND COMPLTELY HAD A GOOD TIME OH MY GOSH YOU DONT EVEN KNOW I AM SO SHY ABOUT ALL OF THIS BECAUSE HOLY FUCK I CANT EVEN ASK HOW I BECAME SUCH A BASKET CASE BECAUSE I ALREADY KNOW I ALRWADY KNOW I ALREADY KOW I ALRADY KNOW AND I HAVENT’ GOTTEN TO REALLY TELL ANYONE IN SO LONG WITHOUT THEM LEAVING ME 

its been so long since ive been understood by a peer

(hi my name is liz and i am weepign right now)

“No, not yet at least.”

*isha laughs and it joined by matt soon. I’m smiling comfortably. I genuinely have a soft, contented hope i might get to tell them at least some of it one day.*

“not yet at least! sorry matt you have to be at least a level 4 friend to learn the tragic backstory”

thank you isha for lightening the mood

thank you for making the joke so many people who gave less than a fuck about me got offeneded at and confused when i made it so often years ago.

my comment was laughed off, we continued to watch the critical role espidoe i had missed

soon it was just matt and i. isha was to bed.

just him and i, and i, like id been all night (concious but making the decision to pipe down and trust the people around me), was all curled up, very relaxed and off my posture, sinking into the couch. MAtt was always upright ish. sometimes hed sink a bit or rest his hips on their side curl a little rest his head, but not as intesely as i did

sometimes he’d scoot closer to me, sometimes hed scoot away. sometimes hed move his legs so our knees would touch. i dont mind (not because i was finding it romantic, im not twelve, i just am understadning of the small situation we are in and its a knee for crying out loud) i wonder if i was taking up too much space with the way i’d sit comfortaly. I wonder if he thought so.

i would be lying if i said i didnt imagine us actually having contact with eachother. cuddling platonically.. on multiple occassions.

I have an imagination that thinks of everything and so many scenarios all at once and all the time after all

i was comfortable with the idea but

it would be a bigger lie to say i wasnt absolutely and perfectly content wiht the way it did go.

i dont thiink i will ever know if he was comofrtable on that couch or more so if it was me he was comfortable or uncomfrtoable with. 

I will respect him to tell me.

he;s good at eyecontact and its comfrotable enoguh where i dont have to look away (it’s been a problem i never used to  have recently)

I’d peek up at him when he’d talk to me

i felt young again

when the stream was over he got up to leave.

i dont know if we daudled. dawdled? yep thats the word

i dont know if we did

we made small talk

shitty jokes that he declared wouldn’t be the last thing we said to eachother that evening

i agreed.

the last words that night were goodnights.

me with my raspy evening voice from a day full of talking and him with a look over the shoulder from the hall as the door closed behind him

he was obviosuly very slap happy sleepy as he was talking about the light not being too bright in the hall (to his happiness)

it was a nice night

when was the last time i went to bed so happy? thanking God over and over and praying for my friend i mention way earlier

i didnt even have to drown my insomnia with a youtube video

i just went to sleep

2 am

i hope the weather continues

- jaques cruzio, pink panther

now im just in bed

at the family home

not my dorm

fighting my depression (its been three hours, i was getting exhausted by 9:30 due to it) as i rest

i was curled in a ball, slumped and face planted, arms slumped when i decided i need to talk to someone, or say something mroe than what i vented to my little sister (small bits about how lonely i feel and how i worry ive fucked things up) hours ago

and here we are 

12:14 am

just some broken twenty something asexual with a mind that’s usually over sixty talking about the amazing people i met two weeks ago while in the background i think about the girl i used to be the boss of (online moderator work) and how she’s essentially in love with her idea of me and how i make her feel... and not just for me.

i am mysterious and cool and smart and hot and talented and useful to her.

I want to be complex and dedicated and helpful and pretty and so skilled and hardworking and wanted for me.

i want to  be considered and deserving and im hoping that isha, matt and my other two roommates can help start to fill that hole in my life

because, God, so far they have so much potential for it in my eyes

(so far)

thanks for listening, void.

actually feeling quite a bit better. the misery is still lingering, i wonder if i should cry more. But, i can breathe easier and my eyes dont feel dead. I just am tired and am prepared to enjoy things again.

proabbly will watch claire from BA make jelly beans.

or the Noel Miller guy isha told me about.

I dont know if it’s appropriate if i downloaded matt’s contact into my phone from when isha put us both in a groupchat together and i hope its not weird and i hope maybe he did the same, but by God i dont think i’ll be texting him first.

i like in person better.

with anyone.

always have

i have so much more on my mind

[valhallamercury]

bassist | boh rhap!john deacon x female!reader

Summary: Ever since you’ve met John, you’ve happily thrown yourself down the rabbit hole of falling in love with him. And honestly, how could you resist? He was kind, sweet, and not to mention handsome. Now the only problem: getting to go on a date with  A/N: The requested part two of secretary, so make sure you read that before reading this! This was so much fun to write, tell me if you’d guys would like a part three! :) Warnings: none, except that this is unedited.  Tag list: @lizgarxo @josephhmazzello @tv-saved-the-teenage-girl Word count: 1,994

After your first encounter with the dark-haired man, you had practically thrown yourself into a pit labeled “in love with John Richard Deacon.” Could anyone blame you though? Every time John came in with his friends to record their album, he always made sure to stop by and talk to you. He would tell you about the album and the boys, and you would tell him about how work was going and your pride and joy, which was your cat named Fleur. On bad days, he would make you smile. On some days, he brought you flowers, on others he brought you tea with compliments written on the cup. You dreamed of the day John would ask you out, and each day you would be let down when he didn’t. But you wouldn’t give up.

You sat at the front desk, organizing papers for Mr. Foster that needed to be done before noon. You checked the clock again. 10:34. You’ve got this, Y/N, why are you even worrying about it? You know you’ll have these done in 10 minutes, You thought to yourself. You knew the real reason behind your stress, though you wouldn’t admit it. You hadn’t seen John’s sunshine face in three days, making you worry that you had said something to upset him. A tap tap tap against your desk made your thoughts end. 

You looked up, seeing a familiar smiling face. You’re little sunshine was back. 

“John!” You exclaimed happily, his fond smile becoming contagious against your lips. “I haven’t seen you in a while, I was starting to worry something had happened.” You admitted, resting your head against the palm of your hand. Y/N, your papers, a voice in the back of your head nagged. You decided to ignore it. 

“No, no, I’m perfectly fine. Really. We’ve just been so busy with the album, haven’t had much time to chat.” He explained shyly, rubbing the back of his neck with his hand. 

“Well, I’m glad to see your pretty face again. I’ve missed our little talks.” You smiled fondly at John, seeing his face light up to a bright pink color. It was a fun little game you liked to play: see how many times you could get John to blush. It definitely wasn’t one-sided though, for there were many occasions where Mr. Deacon had made your face go hot. 

“I’ve missed them too.” John returned your smile, leaning his elbows against your desk as he conversed with you. You could tell something was off though; he looked as though he was trying to tell you something, but just couldn’t find the words. Finally, he spoke again. 

“Hey, Y/N, I was wondering, what time do you get off?”

Your heart skipped a beat. Was this finally your moment?

“I’m actually off tomorrow.” You replied, trying to remain ‘nonchalant sounding’ but you could tell that it hadn’t been too convincing. 

“Well, what a coincidence! The boys and I have a day off tomorrow as well from pumping out songs for the album,” His signature dorky smile and pink cheeks returned, “I was wondering... well, I was wondering since we’re both conveniently off, if maybe you’d like to hang out tomorrow. Like, well, a date.” 

It took all the strength in you not to jump up and down in excitement in that very moment. But, you controlled yourself. That didn’t stop the big smile stretching across your face though.

“I would love to go on a date with you tomorrow, Deaky.” You cooed. He grinned, a soft chuckle escaping through his lips. 

“Great! Great.” He coughed, trying to calm his enthusiasm. “There’s this great tea shop I know that we can meet at,” He began, pulling a sticky note from your desk and writing down the address of the shop. He handed it to you, a bright smile across his features. You happily took the sticky note, folding it up and putting it in your jacket pocket. 

“I’ll meet you there around 10-ish?” You asked, practically bubbling over with excitement. He nodded quickly, checking the time on his watch.

“I must be going, but I guess, I guess I’ll see you around?” He guessed giddily, slowly backing up as he walked backwards down the hall. You nodded, giving him a small wave. 

“See you tomorrow, Deaks.” 

He grinned, turning around completely as he ran down the hall. You watched him run, seeing him pump his fist up in delight. You saw his three friends come out from behind some furniture of the main lobby, congratulating him. You giggled behind your hand before looking back down at your paperwork once more. 

☆━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━☆

Tap, tap, tap, tap

You blended your base in with your fingers, making sure everything was smooth and even across your face. Even in the most stressful of times, doing makeup had always calmed your nerves. However, you couldn’t stop the butterflies fluttering across your stomach or the way your face would heat up at the thought of John and the date that was in less than an hour.

You tapped a soft powder across your face, setting the base. You smudged a shimmery eyeshadow across the lids of your eyes, brushed mascara through your top and bottom lashes, and ran a clear mascara through your brows to hold them down. You applied a thick clear gloss across your lips, swiping some off your skin when you went a bit over the lines. 

Now the only problem you were faced with: what to wear. Everything you tried on just seemed to either be too much or not enough. You finally decided on denim overalls that were embroidered with elegant pink flowers, a long-sleeved pink and red striped shirt, and red Chuck Taylor All Stars.

“How do I look?” You turned, looking at your cat Fleur, who laid sprawled out across the bed. She lifted her head up, letting out a soft meow, before laying back down. You took that as a sign of approval. 

You only had fifteen minutes or so to get to the tea shop, so you decided to head out early. 

You made your way through the bustling streets of Britain, before finally stopping in front of the quaint little shop. With five minutes to spare, might you add. 

You looked around before spotting John’s familiar long locks. The man had his head in a book, tapping his finger along to the beat of some song as he read. You smiled a bit to yourself, shaking his head. You walked over, standing in front of his booth. 

“Is this seat taken?” You asked playfully. John looked up at you, a fond look appearing across his face. 

“It’s all yours.” He joked back, making you giggle. You sat down across from him, crossing your ankles out of habit. Your Gran had made sure that you always remembered to cross your ankles, not your legs. That was the proper way to do it, you could practically hear her remark. 

“This place is lovely, the scenery is so quaint and cute.” You remarked, smiling as you looked around. The shop was decorated like some sort of Woodstock-esque design. There were posters of the Beatles, Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, and many more artists. It had flowers of all sorts of varieties hanging from pots and vases across the store, giving it a lovely dash of color in all the right places. The room smelled of different variations of tea, all of which smelled exceptional. 

“Well, I remembered you telling me so much about how much you loved tea and flowers, so I thought this might be a good place to go.” He said softly, looking back at you shyly through his lashes. You felt your face heat up. No one you had ever been with had been this considerate. 

“You’re sweet, Johnny.” You smiled, resting your hand on your chin as you looked at the flower vase in front of you. “They really should switch the dandelions with those pink asters. The pink would compliment the goldenrods better.” You said, looking at the flowers in front of you. John raised his brows, but his smile never leaving.

“You really know your stuff, huh?”

You looked down at your feet for a moment, letting out a chuckle. “I guess you could say that. I’ve been wanting to be a florist since I was young because my Gran was a florist. She taught me all about different flowers and the way things would compliment each other and all sorts of things. My parents didn’t really think I should become a florist, they said there was no money in it and that people don’t buy flowers anymore.” You shrugged, looking back up at the dark-haired man who had been listening intently. “Besides, if I had been a florist, I would’ve never met you.” 

He smiled at you warmly, glancing at the vase. “Well, I think you should go for it. There’s no shame in trying.” He appealed, looking at you with his soft brown eyes that made you melt. “You’d be perfect at it. You have a cat named Fleur, for God’s sake.” He teased, a playful grin tugging at his lips. You giggled, rolling your eyes playfully and gently tapping his foot with your own. 

“Do not make fun of my cat, Deacon.” You scolded jokingly, a laugh escaping from the two of you. Once the laughter settled down, it was your turn to listen intently. “Well, since you know everything about me, why don’t you tell me things about you?” You asked, arching one of your brows. 

He raised a brow in return, his chin resting on the palm of his hand. “Well, what would you like to know?” 

You tapped your chin, thinking for a moment. “Favorite color? Favorite music artist? Hell, you haven’t even told me what instrument you play in your band.” 

“Well, my favorite color is black. Favorite musical artist? Probably Hendrix or the Beatles. And I play bass.” He spoke softly, looking into your eyes as he spoke. 

“That’s all?” You said as you looked at him, gently tapping his foot with your own. “C’mon, Deaks, there’s gotta be more to you than long hair and a pretty face.” 

His cheeks turned pink, tapping your foot with his in return. “Pretty face, huh?” He blushed, your feet now in an all right war with each other. “I was born August 19th,  1951. I have a band with my best mates, Freddie, Brian, and Roger. I like electronics. I love soul and funk music. I love to tinker. Doesn’t really matter with what, but I’m always fiddling with something around the studio. I also know that I’m on a date with the girl of my dreams and talking to her makes me nervous and giddy at the same time.” 

You felt your face heat up, you knew immediately you were giving the man heart-eyes. “You truly are wonderful, Deaky.” You smiled, reaching over and timidly placing your hand over his. He smiled, interlocking your fingers as he returned your fond gaze. 

You turned to face the window, seeing the rain pour down against the window. You took a deep breath, turning back to John with a sad gaze. “I should be going soon, before the rain gets any worse.” 

John frowned, glancing outside. “I’m not letting you walk home in the storm. It’s too awful.” He began, glancing down at your interlocked hands, before looking at you once more. His cheeks had turned an even deeper shade of pink. “My place isn’t far, if you’d like to stay there for the night. Only if you’d like though. Otherwise I could surely walk you home.” He added quickly, looking down at your hands. 

You smiled a bit at him, reaching over with your free hand and grabbing his other. He looked up at you, and you gave him a loving look. “What are we waiting for, Deaks? Let’s go.” 

[ezragold]

With a Little Help from My Friends

A/N: Happy last-day-of-Pegoryu-week! Let’s celebrate by reading... day 2′s prompt... No one ever said I was good at preparing things, okay. AO3 link: [here]

Day 2: First Date

Title: With a Little Help from My Friends

Rating: Teen

Summary: Ryuji has successfully asked Akira out! Now if only he could figure out something special for them to do. All of his ideas just feel like their every day routine, and he’s pulling his hair out trying to come up with a way to make it special. All of the thieves seem to have their own ideas of the perfect date, 90% of which are entirely unhelpful, as Ryuji soon realizes.

[ THURSDAY, 6:50PM ]

crossbonez is online

crossbonez has entered The Dungeon of Unspeakable Acts

crossbonez: GUYS I NEED HELP

crossbonez: ALSO WTF WHO CHANGED THE CHANNEL NAME

palette-cleanser: There’s no need to yell about it.

crossbonez: YOU CAN’T HEAR ME SMARTASS

killerqueen: Futaba renamed it and I can’t figure out how to change it back. What’s wrong?

memejed: me! muahaha!!!! you’ll never figure out how to change it back!

memejed: boo makoto types too fast :(

palette-cleanser: Futaba, naturally.

palette-cleanser: Oh.

memejed: lmaooooo

crossbonez: ok ok is akira in this chat??

yougimmethecrepes: I mean technically

yougimmethecrepes: but I think he’s had this channel muted for like a month

killerqueen: Understandable.

crossbonez: o sick

crossbonez: OK SO I ASKED HIM OUT AND I NEED ADVICE

yougimmethecrepes: OMG RYUJI

memejed: GHIDNDOSKFHSKX WHAAAAT

killerqueen: !

yougimmethecrepes: DID HE SAY YES??

palette-cleanser: My most heartfelt congratulations!

crossbonez: of course he said yes wtf guys

crossbonez: why wouldn’t he, i’m a catch

memejed: so’s a big ol slimy fish

memejed: its perspective

crossbonez: can we ban her?

killerqueen: She’s the room admin.

memejed: IM ADMIN MY CITY NOW

memejed: HECK how do u type so much faster than me????

crossbonez: OH MY GOD CAN WE FOCUS ON ME PLEASE

palette-cleanser: something tells me you wouldn’t allow us the chance to do anything different.

yougimmethecrepes: go ahead Ryuji, what’s up?

crossbonez: i didn’t think about what we should do on the date so i kinda panicked when he asked and told him i had everything taken care of but i don’t

crossbonez: ive never taken care of anything in my life

crossbonez: please help yall know im not smart

yougimmethecrepes: omg THAT’S what ur worried about??? HOE ur best friend is a dating expert. I gotchu

crossbonez: lmfao ann youve never been on a date

yougimmethecrepes: maybe not

yougimmethecrepes: but i have seen so many romcoms

crossbonez: oooooo my god Kill me

crossbonez: wait holy shit have any of you even been on a date before

crossbonez: NOW YOU ALL STOP TYPING

crossbonez: this is the worst i hate my life

yougimmethecrepes: yusuke if you say anything about painting my nude as a date i’ll block you

palette-cleanser: There was that time when Ann came to the old studio in order for me to paint her portrait.

palette-cleanser: It was already half-written when you sent that.

yougimmethecrepes: OHHH MY GOD

palette-cleanser: I didn’t want to just let the reply go to waste.

yougimmethecrepes: BLOCKED

palette-cleanser: :(

killerqueen: Okay.

killerqueen: I’ll DM you, Ryuji.

crossbonez: oh thank god

[ THURSDAY, 7:04 PM ]  

[ killerqueen has sent you a message! ]

killerqueen: Firstly,

killerqueen: good for you, asking out Akira! That was really brave. How did it go, if that’s not too intrusive?

crossbonez: fine I think?? morgana kept cockblocking me but he got bored of watching us watch bad movies and left so

crossbonez: i just kinda

crossbonez: asked

crossbonez: and he said yeah

crossbonez: so now im dead and going thru w the date is my hell

killerqueen: Okay, relax. Obviously he wouldn’t have said yes to the date if he wasn’t already interested, so you already have that going for you! The worst part is done.

killerqueen: All you have to do now is think of something special for the two of you to do together.

crossbonez: yeah that’s basically the part where my brain stops

killerqueen: Fair. What’s your budget?

crossbonez: uhhhhhh

crossbonez: uhhhhhhhhhhh

killerqueen: Ryuji.

crossbonez: is free an option

killerqueen: Oh, god. Okay.

killerqueen: I didn’t realize you hadn’t planned for this in… any capacity.

crossbonez: OF COURSE I HAVENT ITS LIKE YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW ME

crossbonez: I DIDNT THINK OF THE MONEY THING OK

crossbonez: I WAS SORT OF FOCUSED ON NOT THROWING UP ON HIM AS I ASKED

killerqueen: Message received.

killerqueen: I’ll see if there’s anything cheap going on in the city this weekend.

crossbonez: thank you ugh

crossbonez: was this a bad idea

killerqueen: Asking out Akira? No, of course not.

crossbonez: sigh

killerqueen: Lying to Akira about having the entire thing prepared and planned out? Yes, without a doubt.

crossbonez: COOL THANKS MOM 

crossbonez: GOD

[ crossbonez left the conversation. ]

 [ THURSDAY, 7:29PM ]

[ palette-cleanser sent you a message! ]

palette-cleanser: Are you still taking advice for your date?

crossbonez: the answer is technically yes but i can’t say i’ve reached the point in my life where i’m ready to take dating advice from you

palette-cleanser: I shall try and keep my advice more general, then.

crossbonez: just don’t say the word beauty

palette-cleanser: You should consider the benefit of surrounding yourselves with beautiful things. I can only imagine a relationship increasing in intensity when the couple is surrounded by overwhelming beauty.

palette-cleanser: In my defense, my reply was half-written when you posted yours.

crossbonez: what the hell would overwhelming beauty even be man

crossbonez: am i sposed to find out which flower gives him boners like what am i doing here

palette-cleanser: that is up to you! And Akira, I suppose.

palette-cleanser: I was, of course, referring to your beautiful surroundings being up to you. Akira getting an erection is less-so in your hands.

palette-cleaner: …I did not mean for that to become a double-entendre but I suppose that’s also appropriate to your situation.

crossbonez: hoo boy you are this close to my block list lemme tell ya

palette-cleanser: Please don’t, my contact list is very short as it is.

palette-cleanser: Back to the topic at hand,

crossbonez: yeah plz

palette-cleanser: What are some things that Akira finds beautiful?

crossbonez: man i don’t know

crossbonez: uhh

crossbonez: good coffee

crossbonez: big ass cheeseburgers

crossbonez: cats probably

crossbonez: hes got a risette poster in his room but i think that’s less because shes hot and more because someone gave it to him and he was too nice to throw it out

palette-cleanser: None of that sounds particularly beautiful…

crossbonez: OH WOW DOES IT NOT

crossbonez: REALLY

palette-cleanser: There is no need to raise your typeface at me.

crossbonez: sjdjcickgmsoakfb

palette-cleanser: ?

crossbonez: nothing dont worry abt it

crossbonez: im gonna go see if i can buy something beautiful for ¥200 

palette-cleanser: Many beautiful things in life are free.

crossbonez: you got an example to go with that inspirational quote?

crossbonez: duuuude?

palette-cleanser: I appear to be losing connection

crossbonez: oh my god dude

palette-cleanser: I can hardly read what you’re writing

crossbonez: thats not how that would even work

crossbonez: i cant tell if ur trolling me or not

[ palette-cleanser has left the conversation. ]

 [ THURSDAY, 7:49PM ] 

[ yougimmethecrepes has replied to your message! ]

crossbonez: plz tell me ur just invisible

crossbonez: ur my one last hope and god is that saying something about how my standards have fallen

yougimmethecrepes: doing homework

yougimmethecrepes: you still peeing your pants over date night?

crossbonez: you still willing to give bad advice?

yougimmethecrepes: imagine me swiping all of my school work off my desk onto my floor because if my math grade didn’t ride on this I would have done that

crossbonez: aight

yougimmethecrepes: also my advice is fantastic shut up

yougimmethecrepes: okay, lets start easy. What’s the budget?

crossbonez: im in high school and not a part time model

crossbonez: my budget is negative

yougimmethecrepes: ooooh

yougimmethecrepes: got it

yougimmethecrepes: arcade? you can just use small change and stuff

crossbonez: we go there ALL THE TIME thats not a date

crossbonez: that’s like going to the ramen shop or something

yougimmethecrepes: uh……batting cages? Movie?

crossbonez: i cant ask him on a date and then just do shit we do normally! how is that a date???

yougimmethecrepes: How is it not a date?? You guys always have fun doing that, how is it less fun on a date

yougimmethecrepes: OH WAIT NO I got it

yougimmethecrepes: bathhouse

crossbonez: shut up no

yougimmethecrepes: hey, it’s not my fault you gave this absolutely no thought whatsoever

crossbonez: UGH I KNOW

crossbonez: WHY IS THIS HARD

yougimmethecrepes: I KEEP TELLING YOU THAT IT DOESN’T HAVE TO BE

yougimmethecrepes: YOU’RE MAKING THIS A PROBLEM

[ crossbonez has left the conversation. ]

 [ THURSDAY, 8:25 PM ] 

[ memejed sent you a message! ]

crossbonez: no

memejed: before you say anything

memejed: jdcjdjnfdkdkf

memejed: dammit how do all of you type so fast

memejed: it’s like I don’t even know myself any more

memejed: is it my tiny hands

crossbonez: i do not want dating advice from you

memejed: well then it’s a good thing I don’t have any for you then ISNT IT

memejed: I just wanted to tell you that Akira just got home and he’s smiling a lot and it’s gross and weird and most likely your fault, so

crossbonez: oh that’s

crossbonez: nice to hear thank you jhgjfyjuh

memejed: he just told sojiro about the date and sojiro offered to grab him condoms hahAHAAHAH

crossbonez: OH MY GOD

crossbonez: DONT TELL ME THAT SHIT

memejed: IM ACTUALLY GONNA CHOKE LOLLL

crossbonez: I HOPE SO

memejed: >:(

memejed: I don’t even get why youre so nervous he’s obviously out of his mind happy to go out with you

memejed: whatever you guys do he’ll be down

memejed: just don’t do any stupid shit like try and show off or act like a tool

memejed: which I realize may seem daunting for you

memejed: but I believe u may have it in you, maybe

crossbonez: I just have no idea what to do without us doing the same shit as always

memejed: whats wrong with doing the stuff you guys always do? Routine is comfy

memejed: comfort is the enemy of anxiety

memejed: well, comfy, and a good pair of sweatpants

memejed: *and valium

crossbonez: you dont think he would mind doing shit we do all the time?

memejed: oh my god are ALL boys as stupid as you??? how has the species survived for so long

memejed: just hold his hand or something and he’d let you push him in front of the subway!! Like, that probably shouldn’t be your go to option, but just

memejed: he ALREADY likes you. you don’t need to impress him or anything

memejed: consider yourself lucky, because like, idk how you swung that

crossbonez: I agree with you too much to get mad at that

crossbonez: wow

crossbonez: akira agreed to go out with me, you gave me advice that wasnt steaming dog shit

crossbonez: maybe i should buy a lottery ticket lmao

memejed: LMAO ur luck stat isn’t THAT high yet

memejed: see if sojiro comes through w the condoms first

crossbonez: okay and NOW im leaving

memejed: BE SAFE!!

[ crossbonez has left the conversation. ]

 [ THURSDAY, 9:22 PM ]  

[ HaruOkumura sent you a message! ]

HaruOkumura: Good, you’re still online! 

crossbonez: hahaha what happened to ur screenname?

HaruOkumura: The company’s social media adviser suggested I change it for professional purposes………..

crossbonez: lame

HaruOkumura: Yes apparently “BigBangIsPeople” is not an appropriate username for the incoming CEO of Okumura Foods.

HaruOkumura: I thought it was funny :(

HaruOkumura: But anyway! I’m glad you’re still online! Makoto texted me and told me about yours and Akira’s date and I wanted to say congratulations and I’m so happy for you!

crossbonez: thanks! tell makoto to quit snitchin tho

HaruOkumura: Will do! I just wanted to talk because Makoto said you were very stressed out and seemed sort of unprepared

crossbonez: im okay now i think

crossbonez: futaba helped me out

crossbonez: weirdly

crossbonez: i mean im still sweating all over myself and the idea of actually meeting up with akira for the date in question makes me want to gag but :) im fine

HaruOkumura: oh my :o

HaruOkumura: Have you decided what the two of you will do?

crossbonez: yeeaaahhhh i got some ideas i think?

HaruOkumura: I do as well!! Would you like to hear them?

crossbonez: hey i am always up for not thinking

HaruOkumura: That’s great!! Okay, what is your budget currently?

crossbonez: gkhskdfkjlghlrihvoirhgiu

crossbonez: kjghsiuergtiughpijiuprughtuislrhgiulth

HaruOkumura: Uhm?

crossbonez: I THINK IM GOOD LMAO THX HARU

HaruOkumura: Oh youre welcome! Let us know how it goes!

crossbonez: yeah sure if i dont die first!

[ crossbonez has left the conversation. ]

 [ SATURDAY, 02:41 AM ] 

[ JokersWild sent you a message! ]

JokersWild: Hey

JokersWild: I know youre probably asleep because it’s like fuck o clock in the morning and why wouldn’t you be

JokersWild: But I cant sleep because I made myself some antianxiety coffee when I got home haha

JokersWild: (futaba calls it estresso but I can’t call it that because it’s so clever it makes me mad I didn’t think of it first)

JokersWild: but I had a really good time tonight

JokersWild: and you seemed kind of worried all night so I wanted you to know that

JokersWild: and idek if you were worried because of us(?) or if there was something else going on and now I just seem like kind of an asshole for assuming it was about me

JokersWild: but whether it was or it wasn’t I had fun

JokersWild: and

JokersWild: I’m really happy you asked me out

JokersWild: and just…… you don’t need advice from anyone on how to like

JokersWild: woo me yknow?

JokersWild: I had notifications turned off but the number of messages in the group chat kept ticking up so I lurked for a second

JokersWild: I don’t know what anyone ended up telling you but you didn’t need it

JokersWild: you don’t have to impress me. I ALREADY like you.

JokersWild: so, that’s that

JokersWild: this coffee is very strong and obviously my inhibitions are non existent right now so I’m going to bed before this turns into a confession

JokersWild: or more of one

JokersWild: lets, like, do this again? I want to keep doing this with you

[ JokersWild has left the conversation. ]

 [ SATURDAY, 02:54 AM ] 

[ JokersWild sent you a message! ]

JokersWild: also oh my god thank you for not freaking the fuck out when that condom fell out of my jacket I SWEAR TO YOU I did not put it there and when I find out who did I am going to unmake them

JokersWild: okay goodnight

[ JokersWild has left the conversation. ]

[ghoulstars]

im only posting this bc i desperately need to exorcise this thought somewhere bc it wont fucking leave me alone

those of you who know me personally or follow my instagram know about this but for those of you who dont: in a horrible turn of events, our plan to put down our geriatric yellow labrador retriever dixie was unfortunately and unexpectedly doubled today to having to put down our 3 year old engam bulldog, bean, as well

when we got him in mid december, 2015 he was barely out of puppyhood, we found him wandering around near the highway at our local gas station with a collar and no tag, trying to jump into two out-of-towner girls’ car. my stepdad intervened bc they couldnt take bean with them obviously, and brought him home instead.

we put up lost dog flyers everywhere all over our very small city, in an attempt to maybe see if someone would indeed come forward for their dog. we knew he wasnt just a stray because of his collar.

almost right off the bat, we were told by a woman who worked at the gas station that there was a man who lived in the trailer park just across the road, located behind the pancake diner. you can see it from the gas station parking lot. she told us that he had a lot of dogs that he typically kept chained up outside in poor conditions, and beat them regularly. to us? it seemed totally reasonable that that must’ve been where bean came from, given the fact he was a dog and we found him literally less than 50 feet away from where this fucking man lived.

no one came forward to claim bean. we kept those flyers up for months, we only put them up to begin with knowing he may have been thrown out by (or escaped from) this disgusting man just because there was the possibility that it wasn’t his dog, but someone else’s. as well as the potential for legal intervention if this fabled abuser found out we had technically stolen his dog (and full disclosure, fuck him for what he does, i hope all his dogs get stolen like they need to be, i myself was not fond of the idea of just giving the dog back to this creep if he was indeed the owner but i was only 16 at the time so there wasnt much i could do)

with no one claiming bean, after those months passed, we decided that he was ours now. flyers were taken down, we gave him his collar and nametag, to be real he’d already been named by us in the first few days we had him. he was going to be ours no matter what; my mother always told me its a rule that if you name a stray, and do it quick before anyone can object to keeping it, it’s yours now. that’s your pet, with it’s new name.

so we carried on with our lives, now having not just one dog, but two. it was a bit iffy with my stepfather keeping bean since we didnt technically need to manage two dogs at the time, but we still did it anyways because we loved him, the little bean man.

but here’s where my problem lies and this is why im writing this now: as time went on and we continued to have bean as our pet, some stuff about the original suggestion that he belonged to an abusive older man who lived in close proximity to where we found bean wasnt adding up

due to dixie’s failing body, she would sometimes lose control of her bowels inside the house, which was becoming unacceptable when she stayed in overnight. so, she stayed outside. she and bean bonded, so they stayed outside together too. (and for clarity here, i know what some of you might want to say, but we knew very early on that bulldogs do not do well with heat or isolation. we also know that dixie probably shouldve been put down years ago, but here’s the trouble: my stepfather would not let us euthanize her. she is his dog technically, and the thought hurt him so much that he would not agree to it for YEARS. dixie and bean were too attached to separate them for long periods of time like they would be if we kept bean inside mostly and her outside mostly; that would’ve been cruel in its own special way. we put pools out for bean and visited with both dogs for as much as we could outside, bathed them, put fans out for them in the summer. our only option to give bean the main love and care he needed was, and of course we had other reasons to do this, to put dixie down, which was where we thought we were finally going to be by tomorrow, but thats not what happened, as you can tell)

as to be expected, bean sometimes found his way inside, mostly by applying his american bulldog traits to memorizing when unfamiliar guests would come over and bolt in the house. he did this enough times and very recently we were letting him stay inside instead of taking him back out, and all of these experiences combined, we noticed something: bean was housebroken. he was out of practice with it, and did not know very well how to communicate that he needed to go outside to use the bathroom, but he did know what to do. he would run to the door if he had to go, not always making it, but still, he was housebroken. he only marked furniture once while inside, in his entire lifespan thus far. that was a red flag to us, but especially my mother, who realized this skill of beans directly contradicted the statement that he was probably kept outside, chained up, starved, and beaten by the trailer park guy. not to mention, bean came to us in nearly perfect condition to begin with, just skinny. no patches of fur gone, he was the opposite of skittish and aggressive, no bruises, nothing. just a loving, bouncy, stupid bulldog mix

this, im not sure if im correct about this, but it stands out enough to me that i feel its worth mentioning: bean is not a mutt of any kind, and his breed contradicts those types of breeds most people who abuse animals come to own; usually large breeds, breeds inaccurately known for aggression, and breeds used by abusers to make aggressive bc they know the fighting power of these dogs (pitbulls, american bulldogs, etc). bean is an engam bulldog (english/american mix), which is a very obscure mixed breed dog to begin with and especially obscure where i live, and as we all know english bulldogs are short, stout, fat little things that can basically do no harm whatsoever. they also have a history of inbreeding to look how they do. i know this man may have just seen ‘bulldog’ and snagged him thinking he’d be aggressive, but that does not sit right with me for two other reasons: bean’s conformation (body structure) and coloration. there is nothing about bean that suggests he was bred to be used for fighting, or that he’s a true mutt, or anything of the sort. his body type literally resembles that of show dogs, and his fur coloration is highly unusual because he’s blue. obviously not literally blue but the type of blue-grey you can find in animals, typically seen in cats. bean’s coloration is almost NEVER found in ANY breed of bulldog, it is INCREDIBLY rare that he looks like this. his condition in which we found him, his housebrokenness, his color and his body formation lead, in me and my family’s opinion, to an alternative opinion: he belonged to someone that got him because they wanted a dog as a pet, not to beat, and they either bred him themselves or bought him (probably from a pet store or breeder) for his color and conformation. 

but why would they dump a dog this valuable? my mom said this to me earlier, sobbing after she returned from the vet today, and this is my whole reason for writing this insane fucking novel of a post: whoever dumped bean threw out a sick puppy, and on purpose.

bean hasnt been injured or contracted an unvaccinated illness or anything like that. he had been experiencing extreme stomach distension for the past month, whereas he was losing weight everywhere else on his body. he had also been vomiting. but he wasnt depressed, or lethargic. maybe his personality was a little off but not so much it was horribly noticeable, and at that, he was still eating regularly everyday. we came to the conclusion he had parasites, though ive always been terrified something more serious was going on (i dont get listened to though).

as it turns out, i was right. mom took him in today, the day before dixie was set to be put down, for his deworming pills. what she got instead was a diagnosis of possible lung cancer. his blood work was normal, which is unusual in animals with cancer, but he still had nodules on his lungs that highly resembled cancer. his heart was also severely enlarged due to heartworms, and his stomach was so distended because it was full of fluid and blood. they did send his blood off for labs, but even if his lungs were fine, he was going to die anyway (they got a second opinion from another practice and they also agree it was probably cancerous). he has a 15% survival rate for only the very first heartworm treatment, which will cost $500. nothing lives very long with an enlarged heart to begin with. we don’t have that money, and for a treatment that will definitely kill him? i dont even know why he has so much blood and fluid in his digestive tract. bean, a dog who is only 3 or 4 years old, has an enlarged heart, lung tumors and fluid/blood all in his abdomen. the vet was apparently stunned that a dog this young could have this many potentially (and one definitely) fatal health problem(s).

i now fully believe that whoever owned him before knew he had all these issues, or that he was going to develop them. i think it makes sense. i also think they’re cheap, cruel fucks who didnt want to shell out that much money to take care of him, or pay to take him to a shelter/sanctuary, and so what did they do? they did what many people these days very regularly do when their new pet has become undesirable: they fucking dumped him on the side of the road and booked it. took his nametag off and everything, to make him look like a stray. they left him for some well meaning, animal loving family like mine to find him, not know anything about these preexisting health issues, and assume he’s healthy enough; maybe just needs a few more vaccinations and a worm and flea treatment. he showed no signs of lung cancer or heart problems in all his life up until this past month, and he’s still so young. i will even go as far as to say that he himself may be severely inbred, which could be the cause of these health issues. given his specific posture and color, and that he’s a bulldog, it’d make sense. it seems like he came from some kind of breeder to begin with anyway.

so now that ive said that and got it all out of the way, i want to leave an open letter to the hypothetical cunt that did this to us and bean:

i hope god fucking strikes you down where you stand. i hope every single day of your miserable fucking life, you think about where he ended up, if he’s still alive, if anyone found him, if he ever got hit by a car or died alone of cancer and heart failure in a field somewhere. i hope you feel guilt for leaving him knowing he’d develop cancer and that he had heart worms, and knowing you did it BECAUSE of that. i hope you never fucking forget about the fact that you threw an INNOCENT LITTLE PUPPY out on the highway because you just didnt want to have anything to do with his illnesses, and i hope one day you find out what you did to us and this innocent little boy. he’s such a good fucking dog, he is so patient, kind, loving and gentle, and when he has bursts of energy to play he fucking goes, and now he has to die barely halfway through his lifespan because of your fucking negligence. he is laying outside on the porch right now, uncomfortable with fluids and blood backing up his intestines, coughing and huffing just to try and breathe. at the very least, if he were taken to the right shelter, he couldve been fucking cared for and given treatments to extend his life as much as possible, or at least given hospice care for however long he could live, which has now been shortened to 3 or 4 years. if you yourself knew this dog was inbred or you inbred him yourself, fuck you. i hope you get run over by a fucking truck. this breed can live from 12-16 years, that’s a LONG time for a dog like him, and you had to fucking ruin it all because of your own fucking preferences; you wanted the perfect dog. and you could’ve had him if you’d grown a fucking heart and actually gave a shit about animals beyond how they look aesthetically; as well, if you fucking actually gave a shit about your animals HEALTH and wanted to maintain it instead of apparently assuming he’d just be fine and healthy with all his vaccinations and that’d be the end of it. you do not deserve to own an animal if you dont even want to acknowledge it will sometimes need medical care, how fucking heartless are you? we never had enough money to take care of dixie’s failing health, and we always knew it’d be better to put her down, but my stepdad kept refusing. you had enough money to fucking breed or buy a blue show-quality engam bulldog and you still wouldnt fucking care for him after you found out what problems he had. fuck you. eat shit and die. i hope you never find peace from the guilt of knowing you fucking killed what became our dog because you’re selfish. my mother is physically sick with grief. i am physically sick with grief. i feel so bad that it’s as if i have the fucking flu. i was trying to talk with my mother about this situation earlier and i had to rush to leave because i felt like i was about to throw up if i didnt. everyone in this house has cried so much today it’s disgusting. 

the only thing good about this is that bean came along for dixie when she needed him most, and became her helper and provider, giving her company and being a literal post to lean on for when she couldnt see where she was going. they’re going over the rainbow bridge tomorrow morning together, and in a way, this is probably the best outcome. at least bean wont have to grieve. dixie can see her old companion again (who died from a ruptured tumor in 2014) and bean can meet him, and they can all play and be together in that field in the sky. 

my family will never have another dog again because of this pain this has caused us.

[overbakedone]

1

this is the first time i've ever started writing my thoughts and feelings anywhere before. this is not easy.

instead of writing things and then deleting it all because its not good enough or it sounds stupid i'm just going to write it now and stop backspacing. i guess i should start with where i am in life right now so there is some perspective.

im 25, im a bakers apprentice, i live with my parents, i have a girlfriend, lets call her ‘C’ who for the first time feels right to me despite everything, i barely have any friends, they don't ever want to see me, i don't have much time in my life right now, i work all night and struggle to fit sleep into my schedule. but things are really the best they have ever been for me. i just started an AFL 9′s competition, weird i usually have no confidence going into these things and will either quit after the first practice or not even show up, i really kinda enjoyed it and am excited for next week.

i've wanted to start writing anything for a few months now, i guess now i have some time. time is so fucked up, i wish there was more of it, i wish i could sleep without wasting my day, i wish i didn't have to compromise sleep for everything but i do, i guess its part of being a baker, its a job i am loving and i think i've found my life passion but it has its ups and downs. my partner C expects a lot of my time i guess, she can be very needy at times, demanding almost, sometimes i feel pressured by her to sacrifice my sleep, personal plans and hobbies and interests for her, but i know what she feels, she wants the same thing i do. she has problems making friends, or keeping friends, she feels isolated and alone, and she wants my companionship, and i want that too and despite anything i feel in the moment i always feel happy about her at the end of the day.

i should be grateful for the relationship i am in right now, i really should be grateful for a lot of stuff, my parents for allowing me to stay here still, being so supportive and also allowing and accepting of me and really tolerant of the shit i do. ok so i do smoke week every day right so that's already something to do at home that's difficult, i'm pretty sure they know and don't care or even agree that my life has been better since i started smoking, fuck i used to be on antidepressants, i took one every day at a certain time, it made me feel a bit better, ok sounds just like smoking right, expect when i didn't take this pill i got nausea, headaches, severe episodes of depression, i couldn't eat my appetite was so fucked up i was eating one meal a day and it was like a piece of bread or takeaway food. since the smoking started i've found some actual passion in life, i don't feel like a useless number anymore i guess.

one of the things on my mind always is my friends, since i was in highschool i havent really had a group of friends, i feel like i am a social person but then when it comes to it i feel like i just get burned. a lot of my old friends turned out to be secretly hating me and not wanting me around, some sort of pity friendship, i was an asshole in my time and honestly was not a good friend myself, do you pay for the dumb shit you do as a teenager, the people you fuck over go from your life completely yet new people you meet do the same things to you like they know. i had/have a long term best friend, J, we had been mates for years, we worked at my old job dominoes together for a bit, and kinda hung out a few times, but not until we got into PC gaming together did we form a bond. after that we would chat every day, play games together, watch the footy together, go places even though he lived across the city from me. one thing that changed massively in my life was i quit drinking alcohol, and then i felt like all my friends both disagree with my choice and resent me for it, like for some reason i have to take the same drugs they are taking at that time to be their friends. so J has just grown more and more distant, i get that we are older now, we both have partners, jobs that take a lot of our time, but then when we hang out or talk he seems disinterested, more interested with his friends that i introduced him to (from our discord server) and has seemingly replaced me, none of these guys i really like at all, in fact the only one of the new group i like is the one girl in it because she actually has interesting things to say.

fuck that was a paragraph, i guess i should talk about alcohol.

alcohol has fucked up my life, i cant repair the mistakes and stupid things i did while drinking alcohol, so they are there, i guess its just talking about it left. to start off, when i drink alcohol i have a hard time finding my limit, i feel like i swing from nothing to completely blacked out, puking, sobbing and basically hating myself very quick, i feel sick for days after drinking, barely able to eat, leave bed, move, i feel so nauseous and tired, its so fucked up what it does to your body, but oh your mind is even worse. i've broken off relationships, cheated, threatened people, gotten into fights, brawls, got my arm broken, hurt myself repeatedly, gotten arrested and a criminal record that may prevent me from going to canada next year, and is currently delaying booking flights, ive missed work, shown up drunk same clothes no shower to work, but the main thing that alcohol does to me is makes me sad. alcohol makes me so fucking sad, it makes me reach into the deepest pits i can think of and brings out all the emotions that are in there, my ex being the main one. every time i used to drink id think of her, call her, text her, go on her facebook, look up her instagram her twitter, fuck it drive my car to her house to see if her cars there like that does anything or means anything just fucking alcohol is so stupid. i never want to feel like that again, i never want to sabotage my life, sabotage and self destruct my relationships, but i guess losing my friends is the thing i have to take in consideration. australia is a fucked up place, where drinking heavily is the social norm and if you don't get fucked up or even have a beer with mates you're a loser.

i just want a deep connection with my friends. when i was in newcastle with my partner, i  met her friends there that she had been living with, despite the fucked up things that happened to her there, she lost a lot of friends herself and a long time friend, had trouble finding new ones, trouble fitting in, the friends she had there were the most honest and truly welcoming, connecting people ive met, and i miss that. i miss having a friend you can just, go over to their place, sit around for 3-4 hours talking shit, laughing, listening to music, relaxing and sharing stories and shit. weird that people can have such an effect on you in a short time. the life i live here is full of making plans, only for them to be cancelled, inviting friends over, for nobody to show up, cancelled plans all the fucking time, i've never been asked to just come over and chill, never its always some group thing that i'm invited to as well. i even try talking to them about this, i told a group of girl friends i have, i miss you all and haven't seen you in so long, we need to have a casual hangout, and the message was almost completely ignored, i asked them all to come to mind to watch the grand final, the house was free, i got a big projector screen, big comfy couch, live central right in the middle of everyone, nobody even replied or brought it up again, yet the second someone else that lives in the far corners of perth brought it up everyone started chatting about their plan to go. so if that's not my friends making it obvious they don't want to see me, they only include me then thats fucked up. i don't know what to say, this happens all the time, my 21st birthday i invited 65 people, and less than 15 people showed up. its hard to keep trying, always trying, i always try to make social events, i always ask friends what they are doing, when they can see me, make plans, they get cancelled, they are busy, they say they're coming then don't show up, most of the time i never hear a word too, they just dont show and don't even apologize, is that a fair thing to do, yeah sometimes i dont go to my friends events, i'm too fucking tired or just don't feel like going, somethings come up, i tell them straight away i cant make it i'm sorry this has come up, yet i don't get the same courtesy.

am i an unlikable person

the guys at work seem to like me, so i started a baking apprenticeship, basically i started watching great british bake off and picked it up as a hobby, making cakes and stuff, actually i should go back. so i used to work in some shitty small software company in the city, 9-5, peak hour traffic, office drama, workplace bullies, understaffed, overworked, red tape and bullshit everywhere, i quit after 2.5 years for mental health reasons, i made a lot of money but had to move on, so i spent a year off , it was only supposed to be a few months, go on a holiday road trip with my then partner, S, she broke up with me via a text message right after eagles lost to melbourne at home, basically the footy game was more disappointing, we had a shit relationship, i think i resented her, i cheated on her, yeah i'm an awful person and deserve everything, she was an emotionally manipulative person, terrified of her own body and sex, tried to dominate my life and change me, im glad we broke up. so i stayed unemployed for a long time, over a year, barely looking, until i found this baking apprenticeship, not only did i apply for the job and write a completely custom cover letter (im so fucking lazy i usually close a job application the second it requires anything more than an apply button) AND i called back a few weeks later when i heard nothing, well turns out that call landed me the job, the apprentice they hired instead of me was useless, had no passion and was a slow worker. so i got the job, and basically have been killing it ever since, i get a lot of praise at work (lots of criticism too) baking is one of those things that takes time, its all about time, so i got a lot to learn but i am actually confident once in my life, holy shit i have a job i like and am good at. is this the dream?> lol 

so today i started writing my feelings down, and its kinda felt good, but i'm exhausted now, and my fingers hurt, so this is the end of my first post, i hope nobody reads it, its really just for me but i don't know. 

thanks for listening   i guess 

[angelblumes]

food ment. Helllooooooo ugh would you like me to beat her up perhaps end up like her namesake, og mischa?(jk im not a (cannibal)) time to bust out the therapy voice tho , you will find your people and they will love you. Ok. ok wtf is happening? are we like the same person or something? wellbutrin buddies ❤ my room needs to be clean and moved the whole sha bang but I cant😔 life needs to be lived and such. I hope you arrived safely and happily and that everything is slightly better for you than it was last message and that you didn't get too carsick. my power went out today for like 3 seconds everything turned off everything , it usually takes alot for that to happen for my house just because its old and other reasons that I dont actually know. I've had a jam out session yesterday, it was so relaxing 😌 🙌 danced my little heart out to them guys I told you about. There's something abt the murders in hannibal that just does it for me... the artistry of it all. I love it when we talk outside of the 5 daily things too!!! hey, did you get that 'you're so mature for your age' as a kid or 'you've got an old soul' ? whats ur thoughts on that? I personally cant really imagine saying that to a kid maybe its a generational thing? ok 🙄😁 I like commentary ive been watching reactions? on youtube its a guilty pleasure, also I've been getting into some reality tv. Wife swap is crazy I love it alot and then the dating ones because ofc. whats one of the 1st reality show you remember watching and not hating? Honey Boo Boo and I Am Jaz (I think?) were my top two choices of reality. maybe a rewatch is in order for me. ok daily things um a guitar got brought into my house today i... its very.. it made me weirdly happy I love music and its instruments. thank goodness tbh my med were just a little later than usual, the pharmacy gave me emergency 3 days for they can figure out whats up because this is the second time we are having the same problem 😅 I had the best brownie of my life, it was store bought but like from the bakery fav dessert. I got this "new" shirt on so comfy, its tie dyed splattered different blues with an astronaut and nasa logo in white, its cute but also like 3? sizes too big (its a hand me down) dont worry abt the guy if a next time happens ill be ready for it 💪 it will go down, I personally know the man's family I will ruin his life if it comes down to it (we live in a town idk if it's small)or realistically just sic my family onto him. I found out my cousin has a gf now and is apparently very much happier than she was with her ex man (who made awesome cheesecake btw off topic tho) gay people stay winning, I did not know she was not straight tho so happy little surprise 😁 jeez its a lot of words uh I hope you're doing good and you had a good sleep and other nice stuff happen to you and you had a good trip🌷🤟🤙❤

HELPPP u are an angel. thank u❤️. and right exactly. normalize thinking fictional murders are artistic or something . thinkin abt how i used to think criminal minds murders were interesting but never had the right words so i'd just be like "woah he *kills them weirdly*? cool"😭. BUT YEAH i did get that all the time omfg "ur so mature for ur age!!" like thanks it's because i have issues and problems 💀....hmm i hate reality tv HAHA. this gc i'm in was just talking abt wife swap the other day how crazy !! idk if i've EVER liked reality tv .... i like watching commentary abt it (like uhh cody ko's stuff) but watching it myself... nope😭. daily things lets see!!! i went to the baltimore aquarium:) i was exhausted tho. saw that a tiktoker i like (hello fem will graham cosplayers...) went there a few days before me. how funny! i wish we had met and fallen in love or something. i went to bed at 5pm yesterday and slept til 3am. then went back to sleep from 6am to 10am. i think my new adhd/anxiety meds are the cause. sadly. cuz they work! but by making me too tired to be nervous or start thinking too much🥲. i'm tired 24/7 already and thats not helping LOL! i had this fancy meal ok multiple fancy meals and it was really nice. i got chesapeake chicken (haha like chesapeake ripper am i right?!?) and it had crab but i'm crazy i'm crazy i didn't eat the crab. the texture was soooo bad. anyway at another place i got a burger bc i'm lame i don't eat seafood (besides shrimp. which i am allergic to.) and i ate almost the whole thing and my friends mom said she was proud of me😭❤️. i always feel so guilty after eating a lot and that made me feel good. i've started watching more vampire video game play throughs. what can i say. vampire masquerade: bloodlines did something to my brain where i like vampire games now. it's the same guy which is cool. i dont like finding new youtubers becuz i've never kept up w whose problematic or not... like what if i get really into someone and mention it and someone's like oh yeah he preys on women. wtf. like umm cry? is he a youtuber? is he evil? cuz i was looking for a pathologic gameplay and he had one and i was like hmm... he sounds familiar. he has probably done something ? maybe? mm lastly.... i read this hunger games hannibal crossover WEEKS AGO but it's just still on my mind. i don't particularly love the hunger games but it's only bc i don't really know a lot abt it. i enjoy it but i've only seen the movies and read the first book (until rue died. never picked it up again after that! i cried a lottttt) and there's like an absurd amount of hannibal crossovers. i guess bc hannibal would totally rule in the hunger games. like come on a CANNIBAL? the uh.. capitol? they'd go crazyyyy for that. the fic itself wasn't even that groundbreaking or anything i have a lot of criticism for it tbh but it opened my brain to the concept. i have another one opened in a tab but it's super long so i haven't made much headway. i want one where it's like.... the one where the old winners come back for a game! and then they escape😈. but in the one i read will and hannibal sort of just escape anyway in a normal hunger game. like ok cool but i don't think that's plausible. but then how would it work ? like could will win a game on his own? maybe i should write my own fic. but then i'd have to understand what happens in the hunger games /j. ugh ok i was thinking abt that one scene where idk they do the little hand signal thing and drag katniss away and go to shut the door like right as they shoot that guy in the head. THAT WAS SO CRAZY. or when katniss shoots the lady instead of president snow and then everyone just descends on him💀 i feel like there's a level of nuance and understanding that i just don't have so i say "woah! cool :)" i hope ur doing well too ily❤️❤️💗

[lokbobpop]

Energy

energy. [ ĕn′ər-jē ] The capacity or power to do work, such as the capacity to move an object (of a given mass) by the application of force. Energy can exist in a variety of forms, such as electrical, mechanical, chemical, thermal, or nuclear, and can be transformed from one form to another.

Energy is from Greek energeia "activity, operation," from energos "active, effective," from en "in" plus ergon "work." Specialized senses of the word energy include the power that comes from sources such as heat or electricity, and the ability of sources such as heat or light to do work.

Energy ener gy en er gy en erg y

Writing the word energy

This whole world word has been all about supply energy to the elite in the heaven existence that sit we have have had endless time of over and over again pain turmoil sadness we have all experienced so much pain hell its not come to am end and it feels like who how did I allow this for millions and millions of year to happen to me how did i not see what i was doing why didnt I stand up before why did I lefty my thoughts trapped me to believe i was so small wheni was so large i was =like god all this time and never knew it for well anu i see i hold something against him but i did allow this to happen i see i need ot get over this as I have revenge of he should spend years stuffing the way so many have suffer ed in there li if has he seen this does he really know what we have been though why he just turned a blink eye does he is he sorry for what he did im never heard an apology or should there ever be one but i do see if he can get over what he has dont for millions of years than i can for sure because what he did was so wrong and i assisted him by living in my own fear.

Reading energy

Im am mostly energy a eat my energy to move i need food and water all the time to live where ther was a time we didnt need anything an we will move back to this of no energy needed and i look forward to watching this happen being a part of this to happen to put things back to how they should be.

All my personalities are energy based thats all they are i created them and then let the mind use them to guide my life so i did have ot take responsibility for all my chooses i just let the mind take over and i never saw until Desteni what i was doing i never saw how this affected me my physical which i love so much now how it has been through hell and probably some parts will never heal but thats ok i can still heel my still ove me and all of me until we all love each other this can be i can make it be for mw and all.

Power to have no power in your phone or in your car or something you need ot plug in ot i get energy and not having any power to support you but be full of energy your self but cant utilize that energy as it was for another lol

The build up of energy where you build it up to a point and you let it go with anger energy and you scream and shout and you let others know how angry you are how much energy you have built up within yourself and hear me roar ive dont this so many times with my husband and my daughters let lose rage basically energy ive not delt with and unleashed it on all of them and trin now carries this energy i passed on and she needs my help which i will support her with.

Electric energy bill cost so much money its 300buck a month here and little bit less in in oz when we should all have free energy for all it should be free.

I have no energy at the moment because ive don’t so little of the last 10 months but sit around i just doesn’t have enough to do much more than this is like ive run myself down to a standstill i cant do anything everything makes me feel tired a 5 min walk is just to the bus stop and im worried it will take months to get back to normal plus all my ailments the moment my knees my feet even my ankles yesterday i dont feel physically great for sure its like my body is saying you’ve done so much this is how it is for me stop what you are doing now help me get over it.

Saying energy

Fear of not getting back my heath and energy

Energy bills

Thoughts of im always tired will this go away or will i always be tired will my physical recover from the energy I have put apon it will it heal and will i be back to normal.

Reusable energy is the only way to go stop the fossil fuels we dont want ot need these types of things its over we need free reusable energy we need to stop the government’s pushing these sort of corps onto us no more fuel no more coal enough.

I need ot build my energy up slowly bit by bit to get better.

Sf

Does this definition support me no fear of planarity problems with the energy we use fear of not stopping all my energy sometimes comes up until i take charge of it fear of my physical having no energy and not heeling the anger of energy i had released on trin which she now carries

Energy emerge me

Energy

To move one physical within to feel myself within the physical to ground myself in the physical to embrace all i am with calmness self determination os self change within a moment

To let other accumulation pass through me and out not to land within me or on me not for me to hole it but just be aware of it.

I will live this word with supporting myself by using my energy to support and feel my physical to get fit to feel batter to move myself accordingly whats best for all i will use it wisely.

[thorne93]

The Right Path (Part 6 - FINAL)

Prompt: (From request) Hi! I was wondering, would you it be okay to request a Charles Xavier x telepath!reader? Where they have a mind link since their ability first showed up and so they already know each other even before theyve actually met and then he finds her when he first uses Cerebo and he and Erik go to her first?? Its an idea ive had for a while, but im not nearly an amazing writer like you!

Word Count: 1683

Warning: language (maybe??), child abuse, mental and physical abuse, depression…

Note: I LOVED this request. Thank you for sending it in. I am so sorry it took so long to write. I hope I did it justice dear. Plus, thank you for the super sweet note ; ) Beta’d by none other than @like-a-bag-of-potatoes

Forever Tags: @capsmuscles @cocosierra94 @essie1876 @magpiegirl80 @letsgetfuckingsuperwholocked @harleyquinnandscarletwitch @iamwarrenspeace @marvel-imagines-yes-please @superwholocked527 @myparadise1982sand @missinstantgratification @thejemersoninferno @rda1989 @marvelloushamilton @munlis @thefridgeismybestie @bubblyanarocks3 @random-fluffy-pink-unicorn @hardcollectionworldtrash @igiveupicantthinkofausername @kaliforniacoastalteens @feelmyroarrrr​ @kaeling

James McAvoy:  @bohemianrhapsody86 @lenawiinchester

Charles Xavier: @bohemianrhapsody86 @lenawiinchester

Right Path: @polkadottedpillowcase

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You and the team worked tirelessly for a handful of days. You helped ease Erik’s mind when he got too upset, you helped calm Banshee before he tried to fly, giving him a bit of confidence that he needed to fly. You and Hank talked chemistry and biology, while you and Raven discussed her crush on him when he wasn’t around. Charles trained with you every day, and each time, the two of you had such chemistry and bonded so well, it nearly drove you mad.

Other than that, Charles and Hank assigned you to help train everyone. You would get inside their head, ease fears, help them see what was holding them back, and then you’d work with them. It was becoming quickly apparent that you were Charles’s right hand. Yes, he and Erik made a great team, they were pretty much your leaders of the pack, and you didn’t want to deny or invade on that. However, when it came to keeping uniform, you were the better choice.

You dealt with all sorts of obstacles of your own, dealing with the others, and even with Charles. He asked you to help him train as well, which felt incredibly foreign, but you loved to be of any service to him. You realized you had thought about your feelings around Charles numerous times, not on purpose, and you were sure he’d heard you, but you’d never admitted it out loud to him. Now wasn’t the best time. Not while everyone was gearing up to fight Shaw.

Raven had confided in you about the thing that Hank had said about being beautiful, she also told you that now she had feelings for Erik. At first, yes, you had a bit of a crush on Erik, but now, now he was just a good friend. Charles was the only man for you and he would always be, even if he didn’t return the feeling. So you let her cry on your shoulder, as you tried to explain Hank’s thoughts. You informed her that if she felt more comfortable around Erik then she should be with him. Erik was a lot stronger on the “mutant and proud” front than Hank, and that’s all Raven had ever wanted -- acceptance. So Erik would be the obvious choice for her. She told you of her plan to seduce him and it made you blush and squirm a tad, but ultimately you gathered your senses and told her she should do whatever will make her happy, whatever she won’t regret. She had kissed your cheek and bounded off to set her plan in motion.

Charles had confided in you about Erik’s personal vendetta, the one he’d seen in your mind.

“I saw it too,” you confessed. “But can you blame him, Charles? He shot his mother right in front of him.”

“I know that,” he said, pacing his bedroom as you sat on the end of his bed, watching him. “I don’t want to get there to stop Shaw and Erik is so blinded by rage and hate that he blows the whole thing. Do you know he asked me if I was naive or arrogant?” he asked, nearly rhetorically. Usually he was never this upset, but then again, his newest and closest companion was giving a stance, a hard one, against an idea that everyone felt very strongly about.

As a mutant, it wasn’t a political debate. Not one that some people felt strongly against the humans, some felt strongly with the humans, and someone was neutral.

No.

No, when it came to the stance of “Are you for or against humans?” there was only one answer to be had. A side to pick. You and Charles believed in humans like Mr. Nobody and Moira. Erik believed in humans like Shaw.

“What did he actually say?” you wondered, knowing Charles was upset.

“He said, ‘Are you really so naive, as to think that they won't battle their own extinction? Or is it arrogance?’.”

You nodded. “Charles...You won’t change his mind. He’s been through too much to believe humans can be good. It would take an act of God for him to see that they aren’t all the same.”

“That’s my fear, is that they are,” he confided.

“You think they’re like Shaw?” you questioned as he walked over to you and sat down next to you, your legs practically touching.

“No,” he stated, seeming exasperated. “No, but I know how people are. People are just like animals, when they’re hurt, they lash out. Someone like Moira might be okay today, while we’re helping them, but if something goes wrong, are we suddenly the problem? The thing that needs to be cast out?”

Your hand found his as you gave it a squeeze. “That will always be a question we have. But we have to have faith that not everyone is like that. How can they trust us if we don’t trust them?” you asked. “It has to start somewhere. It needs to start with us. No matter what happens tomorrow, or in ten years, or in twenty years, we can’t give up hope. There will always be non-mutants that will stand beside us and fight with us, not against us...We just have to get through the ones that want to fight us first.”

“How do you have so much hope? You’re upbringing was nearly has heartbreaking as Erik’s. How can you have faith after all this time?” he wondered with curiosity.

“You,” you said without much thought or hesitation. “You were my beacon for so long. I held out hope that we’d meet. You came to me in my dreams over and over, without fail. You could’ve given up on me, on meeting me,  you didn’t know anything about me, but I’m willing to bet, something within you made you want to come back to me. Somehow, Charles, we’re linked, and not just because we’re telepathic. But because you somehow knew I needed you in my life. If people like you exist, mutant or not, then I have to hold out hope. You’re proof that it’s real. That having faith pays off.”

A small v formed between his brows and a wild look swirled into his eyes before he lurched at you, his lips crashing on yours, taking you by complete surprise.

The feeling of pure electricity lighting up your body, from your lips down to your toes. You’d dreamed of this moment for as long as you could remember, and now that it was here, you felt light, floating, dizzy, nearly ethereal. His lips were softer than you ever imagined, but they were firm, the feeling behind his lips determined as ever. Somewhere you were vaguely aware that his hand was resting just above your elbow. All too soon, the kiss ended, but you were far from sober from that kiss.

“I---uh--” you stammered, your mind and body not quite caught up to what was happening.

“That was…better than I ever imagined,” Charles breathed with a bit of a joyous laugh in his voice.

“You liked it?” you asked, a tad embarrassed and nervous about your lack of experience.

“I loved it. I want to do it every day for the rest of our lives,” he said in a low voice, a giant grin painted on his face as his slender hand reached towards your cheek to cup it.

“I’m in love with you,” you said, quickly as if you were ripping off a bandaid. You had to say it. You’d been putting it off, but with the impending war, you were tired of waiting. Tired of waiting to be yourself around someone. Tired of putting your feelings away for other people.

You were so afraid to look at him. To meet his eyes. You were so afraid of rejection, it wasn’t even remotely funny. You wanted to rant and say it was okay if he didn’t love you back but you kept quiet, letting him gather his thoughts.

After a moment, Charles suddenly said, “Y/N, I love you too. Look at me,” he gently commanded and you obeyed. “I have loved you from the moment we met. And not because I could read your mind, although that was part of it, but because you’re good and pure and compassionate and wise and smart and kind...You’re so many things, Y/N. You’re everything anyone could ever want in their life. More importantly, you’re everything I want. I know we’ve only known each other for a handful of weeks, technically, but I feel so connected to you. I want to spend a lifetime with you, getting to know you, getting to help you, having you help me with mutants.”

“But...we hardly know each other,” you prompted. Yes, you loved Charles. Yes, you wanted to spend your life by his side. Yes, you knew you’d never tire or fall out of love. Yes, you knew it sounded crazy. But you knew how you felt. Charles could just be infatuated.

“Read my mind and tell me I’m not serious,” he challenged with determined eyes. “I know it’s highly unorthodox, but when has anything about our relationship been normal?” he questioned with a bit of humor in his features.

“Never, I suppose,” you admitted.

“Right. And it doesn’t have to be now. I know I want you, I know I love you. I don’t need to know your favorite color or favorite band to know that I loved the girl whose dreams I visited for three years,” he assured, his eyes searching yours. “So if you’re willing to be something more...so am I.”

“I am. I’m more than willing.”

“Good,” he breathed before planting a lingering, soft kiss to your lips. “Me too. I think this is a good path for us.”

“I know it’s the right path,” you assured, your hands resting on his arms, staring into his eyes, finally happy with your life. Finding where you fit in, and with whom, with a perfect man by your side. You could take on the world.

[queen-of-deans-booty]

All Hell Breaks Loose Part One- Part 2

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Word Count: 2,091

Warnings: Typical Supernatural violence, language, angst, minor character death, blood, you know the usual

Author’s Note: I do not own anything from Supernatural. All credit goes to their respective owners. If you’re a junkie for this sort of thing, then a tag list is the right thing for you! If you want to be a Queen, I’ll add you to that list too! Any and all comments on these are appreciated. I really want to hear what you guys think about this one!

AHHHH This season is almost done!!!!! Just ONE more episode left! If you’ve been catching along with this series, this and the next episodes is what I wan to hear your thoughts on!

Feedback is the glue that holds my writing together.

Tags at the bottom

“Sam, please tell me you’ve read about that kind of demon before because I haven’t.” You said, stopping when everyone was outside.

“I think that was an Acheri which is a demon that disguises itself as a little girl. However, that doesn’t tell us where we are,” Sam said, looking at everyone. You looked at Andy who wasn’t paying attention.

“Andy, you with us?” You asked.

“Yeah, just wait a second… I’m still working over the fact that demons are real.” He said with a huff. You nodded and Sam took the lead as he walked through the town.

“Sam, why don’t we just leave? I’m sure there’s a road that is kind of near us somewhere.” You said, walking a little in front of him.

“I knew it was a good thing we didn’t kill you,” Jake said with a smile. You rolled your eyes but kept your mouth shut. “I like her idea.”

“That demon might come back. Plus, how can we leave when we don’t know where we are?” Sam said, stopping in front of an old bell tower. On top, a rusty bell was hanging by a wooden structure.

“That’s an old bell.” You said, noticing just how much rust was on there.

“I’ve seen that bell before. I think I know where we are: Cold Oak, South Dakota. It’s a town that was so haunted, every single person fled.” Sam said, looking at everyone.

“Swell. Good to know we’re somewhere so historical.” Ava said, sarcastically.

“Why in the world would that demon or whatever put us here?” Lily asked.

“I’m wondering the same thing.” Sam muttered.

“You know what? It doesn’t matter. Clearly, the only sane thing to do here is get the hell out of Dodge.” Lily said, scoffing.

“Wait, hold on. Lily, the only way out is through miles of woods. Plus, we don’t know if that demon will come back or if there is more of them.” Sam tried to reason with her but she wasn’t having any of it.

“He’s right, Lily, we should stick together.” Jake started to say but Lily interrupted him.

“Don’t say “we”! I’m not part of “we”. I have nothing in common with any of you.” Lily said, backing up a little from the group.

“Okay, look, now I know…”

“No, you don’t know! I accidentally touched my girlfriend.” Lily said, getting emotional. You frowned and bit your lip, feeling bad for her.

“I’m sorry.” You said, breaking the silence, making her look at you.

“Whatever. I feel like I’m in a nightmare, and it just keeps getting worse and worse.”

“And you don’t think we aren’t in one as well? I watched the life go out in my own mother’s eyes because of me. Because I was supposed to be dead instead of her. How do you think I felt? So, don’t think for one second, your life could be worse than ours when you know nothing about me or Sam or even Ava, Jake or Andy. Because you don’t. Now, the best thing is sticking together. Do I make myself clear?” You said, glaring at her. She stared at you, trying to figure out if you were joking but when she decided, she sighed.

“Fine.” She said, crossing her arms. You nodded and walked ahead of the group, the rest of them following you.

“So, in the meantime, we are looking for iron, silver, salt, or any kind of weapon.” Sam instructed.

“Salt is a weapon?” Jake asked.

“Yeah, it is with demons.” You said, making him look at you.

“Well, let’s hope food is a weapon because I am starving.” Andy said. You chuckled but didn’t say anything as you walked into a building to start looking for things. You thought it would be best to start with the building that looked like a café or a diner since salt would hopefully be in here.

You’ve been searching for a while now, partnering up with Sam and Ava since you didn’t trust any of the other people.

“You really think Dean is okay?” Sam asked you.

“I hope. I can’t even imagine what he’s thinking right now or where he is or who he’s with.” You said with a sigh, seeing a knife on the ground. You bent down and picked it up, examining it. You handed it to Sam and he took it, wiping off the dust. You looked over at Ava and frowned when she seemed to be in pain.

“Ava? You alright?” At the mention of her name, Sam looked over at her in confusion.

“Yeah, I don’t know, just a little dizzy.” She said, rubbing the sides of her head.

“Are you sure it’s not some kind of vision?” Sam asked.

“No, it’s more like I would kill for a sandwich right now. I can’t remember the last time I’ve eaten. Don’t worry about me. I’m fine.” She said with a sigh.

“You guys!” You heard Andy say from outside. “I found something!” You, Ava and Sam rushed outside where Andy and Jake stood. Andy smiled as he held up two bags.

“Salt!” He said with a smile.

“That’s great, Andy. Now we can all… Wait, where’s Lily?” Sam asked, noticing the group had one less person.

“Lily?” Ava called out.

“Lily!!” You yelled but no response was given. It was dead silent but then, out of nowhere, you heard the giggle of a little girl come from nearby. You didn’t want to know what happened but you had to and so the group followed the noise to the old bell.

You gasped in shock when you saw Lily there, hanging by a noose from the bell.

“Oh, my God! Okay, that’s officially— Sam, she’s dead! She’s dead! You said we were chosen for a reason. That is not chosen! That’s killed! Okay, we have to get out of here.” Ava said, freaking out.

“No, Ava, we can’t. She wanted to leave but she was killed for it. I don’t think there are multiple demons here. I think it’s just the one and it’s not going to let us leave.” You said, looking at Sam since he always knew what to do.

“Alright, it’s trying to attack us so we need to gear up for the next attack.” Sam said.

“Gear up? I’m not a solider, I can’t do that.” Ava said, her eyes wide.

“Well, you are now. You kind of don’t have a choice unless you want to die. You see, Sam and I have been doing this all of our lives so it’s best to listen to us.” You said to her, earning a grunt.

“I’ll get her down.” Jake said, already on the job.

“I wish I could call Dean. He’d know what to do.” You said, biting your lip. You got tears at the thought of him scared and alone.

“Wait just a second,” Andy said, realizing something. “I’ve never tried it long-distance before, but do you have anything of Dean’s on you? Like, something he touched?” You looked at Sam and he shook his head. You bit your lip and took off the flannel you were wearing.

“This is his shirt.” You handed the shirt to Andy and he did this thing. He closed his eyes and concentrated really hard, clutching the shirt tightly. He handed it back to you and you immediately put it on, missing the warmth it gave.

“Did it work?” You asked.

“It should have.” Andy said with a shrug.

“Well, then I guess all we can do right now is get ready for the next attack.” You said, noticing that Jake came back to the group.

“So, what else do we need?” Andy asked.

“Iron would be great. I saw some barn have iron bars on machines. That will work.” You said with a shrug, looking at Sam.

“Alright, I’m going to go with Jake and get those bars. Y/N, why don’t you go with Ava and Andy to salt some of those houses.” Sam suggested.

“No, Sam, I’m going with you.” You said, leaving no discussion. He sighed and he nodded, taking you and Jake with him to the barn while Ava and Andy left to the houses. You walked inside the barn and sighed when you saw how much harder it would be to get the bars off.

But that was no problem for Jake since he strolled past you and to the machine, ripping off the iron rods with his bare hands. You and Sam stared at him, stunned.

“Oh, don’t worry, I’m not Superman or anything. It’s no big deal.” Jake said, shrugging it off.

“Not a big deal? You just ripped that thing off with your bare hands.” You said, lightly scoffing.

“Well, it started when I was in Afghanistan. You know, the headaches were always common but then the accident happened. A guy flipped his vehicle and got pinned underneath. I just lifted the damn thing off him like it weighed nothing. I had no idea what was going on but everyone said it was just my adrenaline.”

“I’m guessing there is more to the story?” You said, taking the rods from him.

“Yeah, I bench-pressed 800 pounds, stone cold calm. I never told anyone, of course.” Jake chuckled.

“Wow. Overwhelming.” You said with a nod. You realized now that he could have killed you if he squeezed hard enough on your throat.

“Listen, I’m sorry about earlier. I was scared and when a demon tells you to do something, you do it. I don’t want to kill you. You seem pretty nice.” Jake apologized. You bit your lip, sensing something off with him but you needed to work together and being suspicious won’t help that.

“I appreciate it.” You said with small smile.

“And look, I appreciate what you and Sam are doing.”

“What are we doing?” You asked.

“Keeping calm. Keeping them calm. Especially considering how freaked to hell you two really are. I’ve been in some deep crap before myself. I know the look.”

“We’ve been doing it a long time so keeping calm is kind of our façade that we manage to uphold.” You said with a dry chuckle. Sam didn’t say anything else and he sighed, gathering the rest of the weapons Jake managed to break off the machines.

You two left the barn and walked to the house that Ava and Andy would be setting up. It was getting pretty dark out and you needed your sleep or else you wouldn’t be able to do your job properly. After lining the areas with salt, everyone sat on something remotely comfortable. Sam was the first one to be out like a light.

“You know, Ava, I don’t know if Sam told you this but there is something you should know about your fiancé.” You said to her, whispering so that you didn’t wake Sam.

“What is it? Is he okay?” She asked, worried for him.

“When we went back to your house to look for you, um, he didn’t make it. I’m sorry.” You said with a sigh. She started crying, upset over the news. She didn’t say anything but went to bed, crying herself to sleep.

You sighed and laid on your makeshift bed, deciding it would be best if you got some sleep like the rest.

“Wakey wakey.” You heard a voice call out. You groaned, opening your eyes a bit. It couldn’t have been morning already, you just went to sleep. When you caught the figure who was calling you, your eyes widened and you scrambled to get up.

“Sam!” You yelled, looking over at am who was still sleeping. You frowned and looked back at the yellow-eyed demon.

“He can’t hear you.” He said with a chuckle.

“What the fuck do you want? Here to kill me, again? Because look how well that turned out for you last time.” You said with an eye roll.

“You know, I could and that would be fun but I don’t have to. One of these other people will, when I’m done with them. You see, only one of you are getting out of this town and it isn’t going to be you.” He said with a sick grin.

“I’m going to fucking kill you.” You growled.

“Yeah, I would love to see you try when you wake up.” He chuckled, taking a seat on an empty table.

“Get out of my head.” You said with a glare.

“See you in hell.” He said with a grin.

The Queens:

@maddieburcham1 @ginamsmith​ @mogaruke​ @whit85-blog​ @inlovewithbja​ @spn67-sister​ @kdfrqqg​ @jarpadandjensenaremyheroes​ @roxyspearing​ @supercalifragilistic26 @mishamigose​ @cobrakai1967​ @essie1876​ @wishedworld​ @crispychrissy​ @laqueus-ludovicus​ @nostalgic-uncertainty​ @jerk-bitch-and-an-angel​ @potterhead1265​ @starswirlblitz​  @untitled39887​ @ta-n-ja​ @deans-fallen-angel-boy @scarletluvscas @notnaturalanahi​ @tahbehonest​ @stay-in--place​ @dreaminofdean @posiemax​ @donnaintx​ @mikey1822​ @alexandriajanae4​  @li-ssu​ @just-another-winchester​ @obsessivecompulsivespn​ @emoryhemsworth​ @newtospnfandom​ @mizzezm​  @goldenolaf25​ @jessikared97​ @wh1sp3r1ng-impala​ @charliebradbury1104​    @queen-of-moons-peace-out-bitches @becs-bunker​ @atc74​ @lemonchapstick​

The Dean Beans:

@akshi8278​ @mega-mrs-dean-winchester​ @winchesterandpie​ @spn-dean-and-sam-winchester​ @carribear31​ @tacklesackles​ @oreosatmidnight​ @not-naturalfangirl​ @missselinakitty​ @iam-a-cutiepie​  @kristendansmith​ @milo-winchester-4ever​ @jensenackesl​ @codyshany316​ @pheonyxstorm​ @helllonearth​ @juniorhuntersam​ @pouterpufftrain​ @ruprecht0420​ @shut-ur-face-and-get-in-the-car @carriemichelle2012​ @aubreystilinski​

Series Rewrite Junkies:

@helllonearth​ @amyisabellal​ @deanwnchstr​ @caseykitten6​ @quixoticcat​ @supernaturalblogging​ @notmoose45​ @crowleysminion​ @mina22​ @tahbehonest​ @hadleymcallister2177 @destielsangels​ @spnhybrid @oreosatmidnight​ @valerieshubin​ ​​ @seninjakitey @flyonlittlewinchester @aubreystilinski​ @rocketqueeens​  @emilygracespellins​ @earthtokace​