#its also kinda similar to the feeling of being electrocuted? but i dont think many of you will know what that feels like | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

caffeinatedopossum · 2 years ago

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Suddenly realizing I've had seizures before :0 but this was just the first one where someone who knew what it was was there to witness it (my girlfriend)

That's so cool and definitely not terrifying /s

#for context i dont spasm uncontrollably like people imagine seizures #i think from the outside it probably just looks like im having a bunch of tics and staring intently and being unresponsive #but then afterwards i end up being really confused and disoriented and forgetful #so its been very easy to forget about the seizures i had in the past because i didnt remember them #until just recently when i was like 'huh that felt familiar-'#from my perspective though its like uh idk its really weird #its a bit different every time but just in general #i tend to be unresponsive even if i can tell whats happening around me #i cant talk or control what my body is doing but i know what part is moving (usually jerkinv my head or arms)#my muscles feel either really rigid or really lax #and then my vision gets so weird #everything is sparkly like colorful static and the edges of my vision gets really dark #and there's intermittent flashes of lights or floating shadows #it feels like im extremely focused and very spaced out at the same time #i keep describing it like my brain is smashing all the buttons at once cause thats what it feels like #its also kinda similar to the feeling of being electrocuted? but i dont think many of you will know what that feels like #hopefully you wont at least #i just happen to #its like a weird buzzing just under your skin that doesnt exactly hurt but doesnt exactly not hurt either #it would be like the pain of a constantly tightened muscle- not painful at first but like strenuous to endure ?#and thdn painful if it stays like that or gets worse #i feel like im not allowed to say i had a seizure because i cant go to doctors about it so i cant get diagnosed >_<#but the thing is not bei g diagnosed isnt gonna stop me from having them #yay denial /j #im hoping theyre just dissociative seizures because god i cannot deal with epilepsy on top of everything else rn #and also because i cant see doctors right now sooo #god im exhausted and scared but i feel like those words dont even measure up to how im doing right now #i dont know. im just enduring #thats all i can really do i think #but i hope i dont have to much longer...

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