#its almost 5am and im dying
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#so for the last like. as long as i can remember. ive had a shit sleep schedule#mostly like sleep all day and stay up all night kinda shit#but i got sick/burnt out recently and slept for almost two days straight#and somehow it reset my sleep schedule to something normal#like i went to bed at 10pm and woke up at 5am for the last few days#and i havent had to nap#and the not needing to nap is really fucking with me#like im used to waking up. feeding my dog. and then napping until i go to work#i should be napping rn. but im not tired#i dont have to get ready for work for another four hours and ive already been awake for three hours#i went to the coffee shop and to walgreens. im in real clothes instead of pajamas. i did a load of laundry#im laying in bed (its so hot i might be dying) and i just. dont know what to do with my time#im probably gonna do some cleaning and packing because im moving in two months#idk im just feeling some strange type of way because for the last few days ive been. alive#instead of sleeping my life away#its so strange. i got sick. slept for a few days. and now my biggest problem is just fixed? and i can have a life now?#its 70 degrees today and the world is my oyster. what should i do?#i have a list of chores im gonna do. i might walk to the coinstar machine so ill have money#yeah i want to do that cuz im in the negatives in my bank account but i want to get a cool drink before work today#my dad texted me this morning 'noticed your bank account is overdrawn for the second time this week. whats going on kid?'#which is such a sad text to get because i know im broke. thanks dad. lets pls ignore my financial hardships#if you want to make my dad less sad hmu for my venmo /hj#anyways ill probs do that today. get some cash so i can get a frozen lemonade from wawa or something#yknow that post thats like 'seasonal depression seems fake until its 50 degrees in march and it feels like you took a party drug'#i think thats partially whats happening here. its 70 degrees and sunny and my systems dont know what to do with that#i hope youre all having a great day that you dont sleep through. i love you!!
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Husband ended up in the hospital not too long ago. Probably would have died if he didnt. On the way he was making dying declarations. Saying he was sorry he didnt spend enough time with me and the kids. That he was sorry he couldn't do better for me. We made it in time and he didnt die thankfully. But he very well could have. And for a moment it seemed to straighten his priorities a bit. (I know that sounds a bit cold but I bawled like a baby and literally carried this 6ft man being a 5ft lady to the car up a hill its just i try not to think hard about the situation anymore bc i cry every time i do)
His job runs him ragged. His grandpa just died and he almost died yet they won't give him rest at all. They still call him in early and act as if he isnt going through some life altering shit. He can manage to call out for himself and for our kids. Hes always been good about that. But when its for me its happened once. Today I got so sick that I can barely function. Im in and out of the bathroom and have been since 5am. I was able to fall asleep after being on the toilet for almost 2 hours. When I woke up my chest felt like it was collapsing it hurt so bad it was hurting into my back. I took some pain reliever and an almost scalding hot bath with epsom salt to help and it took an hour and a half for it to fade enough for me to fall asleep again. (Mind you this morning I asked my husband to call out for me bc i can barely take care of myself today let alone my kids.) I wake up to find that he was getting ready for work. It was only 2 o'clock and he wasnt scheduled til 5. They called him in early to work at 3. Morning shift needed him bc they would be left with only 3 people and they needed a fourth.. even though somehow they can't manage to put more than 3 people on night shift ever.
I feel neglected in so many ways. And its hard to even be mad at him about it bc I know he has it so hard. But I just want to feel as important is that too much to ask?
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hello everyone it's your local memelord here to say that chapter 16 will be out sometime tomorrow (today i guess??? its like 5am???) and that it will be the longest chapter yet at over 6k words
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right dead wanna do some drawings for funsies not for blogging only but alas im cursed by the worm
#awooo.txt#im aware of the typo just thought it was funny#im so exhausted#12 hours!!!! of working!!!!#literally just walked thru the door and its almost 10pm. been up since 5am#dying. ow
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I realised, once i move out im gonna starve to death
#literally#im dying to eat biryani rn and theres a frickin musical night or qawali night whatever in the neighbourhood ITS ALMOST 5am#AND BHOOK LAG RAHI HAI#BLOODY HELL#I WANNA GET OUT OF THE HOUSE#I CAN NOT BELIEVER I JUST SAID THAT
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#ok it is 4am my friendos ....... rather its almost 5am and i am DYING#tonight was ritsuka emotional night#even though i only wrote like 4 things or smth but progress after being dead for awhile LMAO#idk if ill be on tomorrow but we'll see ;o;#anyways i love ritsuka even if im mildly tired of fgo#goodnightttt ilu all#!!#its fun being back here again when i have motivation heehoo
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#laila babblin#just as a warning again#i just got my first panic attack in....years and i honestly forgot how fucking terrifying it is#im having this problem with my brain and ive had a hunch that it might be adhd/add for a long while now#i started researching and found some lists what the symptons are like and just#started crying#because almost every one of them applies to me esp the add specific#and i did some online tests and they also sais that theres a high probability for something like that going on#i just.....had a really bad day with my thoughts going all over the place and i got bit freaked out and started panicking#so...not fun#my cat started meowing like crazy behind my door bc she probably thought i was dying hah......#she licked my arms and fell asleep on my face so im better now#its 5am i really should get some sleep#i dont know why im writing this i still feel weird uhh hh hh#better day tomorrow (or...today) i hope
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this whole idea is funny for me the tags make this most
Does that mean absol would be good service animals for diabetics or other people who have episodic type issues?
Probably yeah !! I've seen the idea around that a lot of potentially dangerous workplaces keep absols around as a sort of alarm system, which is probably why they had one in the station in the first place
#okay but htose tags tho#ingone#im dying of laughter#its almost 5am and I just accidentally woke my dogs up
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#listne!!! it's Canon she doesnt feel like she has family (until the end of do//fp which isnt canon on my blog so!!!) it's Canon she feels#alone!!! it's canon!!!! and it's UPSETTIGN to me!!!#how many times do u see her literally hold herself back from expressing just How upset and hurt she is w/ charles!!!! bc she loves him!!!#and doesnt want to lose him!!! how many times can u see her sticking to saying the Bare Minimum!!!#and then shying away from expressing herself even more!!! how many times did u see her w/ her jaw clenched shut overwhelmed w emotion!!!!#she doesn't express herself!!! she's terrified of saying anythign tht will push ppl away / make them leave!!! she's kept Quiet her whole#life for the sake of keeping peace in relationships!!! DID U RLY THINK ANY OF THAT WOULD CHANGE!!!!#esp when she doesn't confront it and when no one Makes her confront it!!!! she's so distant!!! she keeps her hurts buried so deeply!!#and they eat away at her for Years!!!#but she will still love u!!! she will still love u forever!!! it's Canon!!!!#im dying!!!!#ive been cryin for half an hour its almost 5am!!!!#tbd
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fluffy scenarios of kita, akaashi, and iwaizumi staying up with their fem s/o because she's studying for a big exam please & thank you
im serious when i tell u i couldnt stop smiling when i wrote this, thanks for requesting anon <3
kita, akaashi and iwaizumi staying up with their fem s/o because she’s studying for an exam.
—kita shinsuke.
kita is 100% the type of person who has a consistent sleeping schedule
like bitch will sleep at 10pm and wake up at 5am bright and early and fucking gorgeous
you’ll never catch this guy slippin’ (the inarizaki vbc will upvote this statement)
the latest he’ll stay up is midnight which means that hes going to take more of the afternoon and evening to study
you’ll be studying with him in his room and kita will make sure the surroundings are peaceful enough for you to study effectively
he never hesitates to help you with some topics you don’t understand for the classes you both take
sometimes gives you studying tips that are really helpful
you check the time just to see how far you’ve come- its almost 10pm
youre worried about kita because bby has to sleep and you don’t want him to stay up for you !!
“kita?? kita where’d you go?” you’ll call out, thinking he’s already getting ready to head to bed
but you find him in the kitchen and you smell... noodles??? you watch him pour them into two separate bowls huh?
“i know you’ll be staying up late so have some noodles to regain energy.” he’ll carefully glide the bowl over to your side of the table, his black-dyed hair tips were still damp from taking a shower earlier
oof sis were u that focused on ur work that you didn’t realise he went down to cook you sth??
you have your notes in your hands, walking over to the table and sitting down “you’re not heading to bed yet? you don’t have to wait for me yknow.”
he turns the stove off, bringing his bowl of noodles to the table. “don’t you still have a few topics to cover? let’s continue.”
your face goes :O but your heart goes 💓💓💓
unbeknownst to himself, he’ll casually play with your feet under the table while he asks you questions to answer omg :( hes so cute tf
youre basically having a midnight study date with him
he’ll also compliment you when he feels like you’re running out of energy because he knows it gives you energy boosts :”)))
—akaashi keiji.
i firmly believe that this bby is a master at all nighters and does them when necessary
so when 9pm or 10pm hits, you both are in the kitchen making coffee because you know you still have much more to study
you love watching keiji make coffee like sometimes you stop stirring your own just to watch him and when he notices hes like “😳😳 what”
and you just shrug “you’re cute”
i guess keiji’s not used to your random compliment bursts so he just //blushes//
and then u give him a kith because his cute face deserves it
youre also wearing his sweater because he has an abundance of them in his closet and you totally raid it every few days
you guys head back to his room and begin studying again
the night is tranquil and the house is silent, it truly feels so serene when you put aside the thought of your final exams
then you remind yourself of the reality and it feels like shit all over again
akaashi obviously senses your distress so he put a hand on your outstretched leg. the warmth plays with your cool skin, relaxing your nerves a tad bit
it was the little things he did that made u feel better and maybe if you squint a little harder, you’ll know he’s telling you “i love you”
akaashi’s gonna be finished with his coffee within five minutes LMAO hes a fast sipper
youre wondering how hes able to pull this off every few months but i guess everyone has their own secret super power no?
at some point you find yourself dozing off at 1.30
“you ready for tomorrow?” “absolutely not” pfft. akaashi’s gonna think. he’ll drag your ass to his bed so you can sleep properly and avoid straining a muscle
“get rest, love, you should at least be awake for the exam.” is the last thing hear before you fall asleep on his comfy sheets
—iwaizumi hajime.
lots of chaos in the beginning and thats because you two made a stupid joke about godzilla and now you can’t stop laughing like a dumbass every time you look at iwa
“y/n look at me-” “PFFFTTT” its literally the middle of the night and youve probably awoken the dead 🤷🏻♀️ no biggie tho
lowkey makes it easier for you to study because you’re awake awake yknow?
iwa defs likes to take care of you. he’ll pass you a drink to sip on whenever it looks like youre about to lose concentration and asks you from time to time if you feel like youve studied enough
WILL GIVE YOU A MASSAGE but you tell him no because that’ll only make you sleepier
asks you questions about your exam material. he sometimes gets confused by the question because he doesn’t take that class
he actually finds it cute when you have to shut your eyes to think of the answer and when you open them, hes staring at you fondly
its like “😳 is there something on my face you porcupine”
DID I JUST CALL IWA A PORCUPINE
this will lead you two into tickle fights and iwa convinced (not really) you that you should have regular tickle fights because ENERGY and BRAIN AWAKE 👍🏼
“call me a porcupine one mo-” ok this is cute because he tickles a spot that is super ticklish for you and you look- omg- you look so adorable all smiley
back to the studying part haha oh no youre starting to get sleepy
but you don’t wanna sleep yet!! you barely covered enough but iwa’s been watching u study and hes pretty sure you’ve covered the entire book since you started earlier this morning
idk i just feel like it would be nice if you laid flat on his lap and he just asks you questions and you try to answer them
his touch is just very nice and makes you feel safe yknow :)
you end up dozing off most of the time but you do try your very best to stay awake pls stop ur making iwa combust
after fifteen minutes of questions, you’ll surrender, exhausted
“tired?” you’ll hum in agreement and he’ll flip you over just to carry you into bed, tucking you in
#haikyuu!!#kita shinsuke#akaashi keiji#iwaizumi hajime#haikyuu x reader#kita shinsuke x reader#akaashi x reader#akaashi keiji x reader#iwaizumi x reader#iwaizumi hajime x reader#haikyuu fluff#hq x reader#haikyuu headcannons#haikyuu scenarios#hq scenarios#hq imagines#hq fluff#haikyuu
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The Last Few Days.
context: you and vinnie have been best friends since the time you moved into town. literally inseperable. you guys do everything together.
_____________________________________________________________
*BZZ*
*BZZ*
*BZZ*
"bro whos texting me at;" you look at your alarm clock to see it hasnt even gone off yet.
"ugh its literally 5am" you groan
turning on your phone to look at who texted you, you are blinded by the brightness of your phone screen
"Jesus"
you look at your messages
*15 New Messages from: Asshat*
*5 Missed Calls from: Asshat*
*3 New Voicemails from: Asshat*
looking annoyed you respond to Vinnie with:
"vinnie i swear if you arent dying im literally going to kill you, its 5am what do you want?"
you really hope its something important because you are absolutely exhausted
*From Asshat: meet me at Freddy's in 15 ;)*
you roll your eyes at your phone and sleepily get out of bed and start getting ready to meet Vinnie at a local burger joint
Vinnie has been your best friend since you moved here. he was the first person you met and the first person you clicked with.
you've always had a feeling hes had a small crush on you but you've always had a small crush on him as well, so maybe it was just you hoping he did.
walking out the door you remember you forgot to put your favorite perfume on, which was his favorite too.
you head to Freddy's and see his mazda rx7 sitting in the empty parking lot.
"BOO!"
Vinnie jumps out from the bushes scaring the life out of you
"holy shit Vinnie, dont do that oh my gosh. damn near smacked you"
laughing he says "should have seen your face, shit was hilarious"
you and vinnie do the handshake you guys created on the first day of meeting eachother. no one else knows it besides you two. its your guys' little secret.
"so why was my beauty sleep interrupted?"
"im sorry, you really do need your beauty sleep"
you hit his arm "thanks asshole"
"im kidding gosh, anyways i wanted you to come with me and see something."
"oh yeah? what?" Vinnie always likes to suprise you with things, sometimes they are good, other times they aren't.
"this time its going to be good i promise."
you and Vinnie walk to his car and head to where ever hes taking you to.
it takes you a second but you figure out where you guys are going.
the skate park.
"why are we going to the skate park vin?"
"shhhh you'll ruin the surprise" he says acting like it'll spoil something for you
you look at the clock and see that its almost 6 meaning the sun is going to rise soon.
"is he taking me to watch the sunset?" you think to yourself "i think he is, awww how cute. no. ew. gross. cringe. but it really is cute"
you dont know how to feel about it.
"we are here" he says parking the car on the top of the hill
the two of you get out of the car
you look over and see this beautiful view
"holy shit vinnie, this is gorgeous."
"i told you it was going to be a good surprise"
you are honestly speechless. its one of the prettiest sunrises you have ever seen.
"hey come sit by me" vinnie says while sitting on the edge of the cliff
you go over and sit by him, taking your sandals off not wanting them to fall off.
"can i tell you something y/n?"
"are you going to tell me that you are pulling a big prank on me and then when i go home my room is going to be covered in sticky notes or something?"
he laughs and says "no its something ive wanted to tell you for a while"
waiting for him to tell you, you say "...go on then" and gesture at him to tell you impatiently
"so you know how we've known each other for a couple years now?"
"mhm?"
"and you know how we are like best friends right?"
you sigh "just get to the point vinnie"
"never mind ill just tell you later"
"no wtf just tell me i wont judge or anything"
he hesitates for a second and then looks back at you
"fine, y/n i like you."
you starting laughing thinking he isnt being serious. why would he like you?
"HA nice one thats funny"
"what? oh yeah haha it was a joke me liking you? ew no"
the two of you walk back to his car and you try to sneak a picture of him because he looks really good today.
you look back at the picture and realize he looked directly at the camera.
"fuck" you say under your breath
"what"
"nothing"
you decide to delete the picture and grab the aux cord
"what are you putting on?"
"i dont know ill just shuffle my liked songs"
Love on Top By Beyonce starts playing
"this is gonna be fun"
he turns up the song and starts bopping along
you start yelling the lyrics "BABY ITS YOUUUUUU YOU'RE THE ONE I LOVE YOU'RE THE ONE I NEEEEEEEED"
vinnie bursts out laughing and joins you "YOURE THE ONLY ONE I SEEEEEEE COME ON BABY ITS YOUUUUUU"
"OOOOOO GET IT!!"
you both sing along to songs all the way back to your house. screaming the lyrics as loud as you can, and doing those awkward dances.
"y/n" vinnie says before he drives away
"yes?"
"imma tell you a secret"
"go for it"
he waves his hand telling you to come to his window
you roll your eyes and walk to him
leaning into the window he grabs your face and kisses you
he drives off and yells "see you later y/n!!!"
you stand there not knowing what to do
"he kissed me." you say surprised. "OMG HE KISSED ME! WHAT THE HELL?"
*BZZ*
your phone goes off and you see its a text from vinnie
*New Message from Asshat: you know you liked that ;) anyways im going into the town to hang out at the skate park after dinner with austin, KJ, and rem, you should grab your board and hang out with us for a little if you're not busy then*
you text him back saying you'll be there.
heading back inside your mom asks where you were sounding worried.
"oh im sorry vinnie took me out to see the sunrise"
"y/n. youre supposed to tell me where you are going and when you are going" your mom says with a dissapointed tone in her voice.
"i know mom im sorry."
you walk into the kitchen to make yourself lunch and ask if you can go to the skate park after dinner.
"yeah thats fine, thank you for asking this time."
"Y/N!!!!" your little sister yells
"what livy" you say annoyed. she does this a million times a day
"im bored"
"then go outside or something"
"i dont want tooooooooo"
"well i dont know then figure it out on your own"
"UGH" she says as she stomps off
finishing your lunch you decide to go upstairs and take a nap not only because you are tired but because you want to see vinnie again
"y/n!" your mom yells from downstairs, "dinners going to be ready in about an hour"
with dinner being in an hour you take a shower and start to slowly get ready to go to the skate park. you decide to dress nice knowing youre going to see vinnie AND his friends.
you hurry up and finish dinner as soon as your mom says its ready
you kiss your mom on the cheek, grab a hawiian roll, and your skateboard and head to the skate park.
on your way there you text vinnie to let him know youre coming
*New Message from Asshat: bet me and the boys are already here see you when you get here :)*
just looking at the smiley face he added at the end of his text made you smile
when you get to the skate park the first person you see is vinnie
as he skates past you he hold out his hand to do your guys' handshake. you do it every time you see each other. he smiles.
"hey y/n! hey guys this is y/n"
vinnie introduces you to his friends and they all surround you.
"hi guys! ive heard wonderful things about you guys"
"you care if i put on some music?" one of vins friends ask you
"no no no we need music please"
after skating for a few hours you start to get tired and decided to head back home
"no y/n stay a little bit longer" vinnie pleads
"vin i cant im tired and i need to go home"
"bye y/n! it was nice meeting you!" his friends say to you
"it was nice meeting you guys too! goodnight vinnie ill see you tomorrow"
"goodnight y/n text me when you get home okay?"
"haha i will dont worry. byeeeeeeee"
as soon as you arrive home you text vinnie like you said you would
*To Asshat: i made it home safe dw dw. im going to bed now, text me when you get home. goodnight asshat :)*
*BZZ*
*New Message from Asshat: i'll text you when i get home too, goodnight loser sleep well ;)*
you set your phone down and drift off to sleep.
*The Next Morning*
after waking up to your alarm you look at your phone
*Zero New Messages*
seeing vinnie didnt text you, you decide to text him instead.
*To Asshat: good morning vin, you never texted me so i wanted to make sure you got home safe. text me when you wake up :)*
you go about your day as any other day, but you find yourself checking you phone to see if vinnie texted. he never did.
this isnt like him to not text you all day especially if you guys hung out the night before. a bunch of scenarios start flooding you head on what could have happened.
"maybe he lost his phone, or he broke it. maybe he didnt get home until super late and is still asleep."
all of these ideas are dumb.
worried about vinnie, you call his phone.
it goes straight to voicemail.
"Hey! its vinnie and y/n is here too, sorry i didnt answer im probably doing other things like playing outside or playing video games. ill call you back later!"
its the voicemail you two made when he got his first phone. you guys sounded so little.
instead of leaving a voicemail for him you call his mom.
"Hello?"
"Hi Mrs Hacker its y/n"
"oh hi y/n i was about to call you actually."
"is everything okay? like is vinnie okay?"
she pauses.
"Mrs hacker?"
you hear her start crying. it sucks when adults cry.
"Mrs Hacker is everything okay?"
"oh honey, Vinnie is in the hospital."
"what happened? is he okay?"
"no hes not."
you call vinnie again, with tears streaming down your face you leave a voicemail.
your voice is shaky.
"Vinnie please answer the phone."
you call again
"VInnie im serious. if youre playing some kind of joke on me its not funny"
and again
"Answer the phone Vin. stop messing around. you have me worried."
and again
"Dont do this shit. stop. answer the fking phone vin."
leaving message after message, blowing up his phone, you decide to go to your mom and tell her what happened.
she already knew before you.
"ARE YOU SERIOUS?? YOU KNEW? AND DIDNT TELL ME?"
"y/n i didnt want you to worry"
"OF COURSE IM GOING TO FKING WORRY ABOUT HIM"
you never curss at your mom and you feel bad whenever you do. this time it was different. she knew he wasnt okay but she didnt tell you. that made you mad.
"y/n calm down please"
"im going over there."
you start walking to the door but your mom stops you
"no im going over there right now mom. MOM HES HURT HES NOT OKAY I NEED TO BE WITH HIM"
livy, your little sister, walks downstairs after hearing all the yelling. it was past her bedtime.
"why is everyone yelling?"
she sees you crying with your car keys in your hand
"y/n where are you going?"
"im going to vinnies house."
"nowhere. she isnt going anywhere liv go back to bed"
"im going either way."
you storm out of the house and get into the car.
you drive to vinnies house to see his parents there with the cops.
"y/n! omg im so glad youre here" Mrs Hacker says as she hugs you.
"what happened is he okay?"
"we dont know, all we know is that hes in the hospital. we are about to leave please, come with. he would want you to be there with him."
you agree and go with to the hospital.
when you get there doctors directed you guys to where he was staying. you see tubes of all kinds going in and out of him. it looks like something you would see in a show.
"is he going to be okay?"
you overhear the conversation his parents are having with the doctors while sitting at the edge of his bed.
all of a sudden you hear his mom burst into tears. hes not going to make it.
you let his parents talk to vinnie and say everything they need to. after they finish they gesture to you telling you its your turn.
"y/n. youre here." he says. his voice is all raspy and gone but it cracks when he says here. you can tell hes glad to see you.
"of course im here. what happened v?"
"i dont know, i was driving home and all of a sudden i see a flash of light coming towards me. i blacked out and ended up here. i think i crashed or something. im going to be okay though."
after he says that, tears start flowing from your eyes because you know he isnt going to be okay.
"y/n dont cry its okay. pretty girls dont deserve to cry. ill be okay i promise"
"vinnie i love you. i always have and i always will. youre my best friend and i dont know what id do without you."
"y/n dont think about that. im not going anywhere" he doesnt know how bad of a condition hes actually in. he doesnt have much longer.
"i know you arent" you lie "i love you. just please know that. i always have. when you said you liked to today i thought you were joking because why would you like me, but then you kissed me and i realized you werent joking."
"y/n why would i joke about that?" he asks sounding confused
the doctor tells you he only has a couple minutes left. you look at his parents and they tell you its okay to keep talking to him. they want you to be the last one he sees before hes gone.
"because i like you too vinnie and i just didnt know why you would ever like me, so i didnt believe you."
"y/n ive liked you since we first met. i wanted to spend the rest of my life with you and only you."
hearing him say that made you choke up. the tears start forming in your eyes again.
"you will vinnie. you will i promise. im not leaving you."
he smiles at you and you smile back.
you lean over and put your hand on his cheek.
"i love you y/n"
"i love you too vinnie. i always will."
he takes his final breath.
and just like that, hes gone.
as soon as you get home you start looking at all of the old pictures and old videos you have of him. from his birthday to being on vacation with him, to old pics from ft, or just dumb pictures. anything you can find.
you grew up with him. he was your best friend, the person you loved the most, the shoulder you needed to cry on, his shoulder for him to cry on. he was your everything, and you were his.
dont be sad that he gone. enjoy the memories you have with him.
#vinnie hacker x y/n#vinnie x reader#vinnie hacker#vinnie hacker x reader#vinnie hacker x you#vinnie hacker imagine
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Update: I was not Fine
I'm fine I'm fine I'm going to be fine
#wow i should have listened to the bad vibes this was BAD#stuttered during every conversation i had#almost nothing in common with his friend#they kept looking at us weirdly for being so touchy and hhhh YIKES#worst seats in the house by far couldnt see ANYTHING unless knelt down sticking my head over the barrier which is highly uncomfortable#forgot to tell them both that the show is Kinda Heavy so when all the SUICIDE FOLLOWED BY IDENTITY THEFT AND EXTREME LYING happened they#both looked at me like what the fuck did she take us to#and they said they enjoyed it but hhhhhh i dont think they did#missed my train by two minutes#next one at 5am#goes halfway across london because its the only other train home#THAT ONE ALSO LEAVES WITHOUT ME#has panic attack#in waterloo#so now my favourite abba song is ruined#herty sorts out a way home for me as im freaking out because oh my god he didnt sign up for this what the fuck am i doing this isnt on him#gets on train to Basingstoke but gets off at Hook because thats where he told me the quickest cab should be#.......#hook is a tiny villiage and all cab services are shut#next train at 5am#panic attack number two#waits out in cold alone with slowly dying phone for 2 hours#guy comes to deliver newspapers to the station and i ask for a lift#he agrees to take me to basingstoke where there might be actual cab services open#my roomates call and freak the fuck out because i didnt want to wait THREE MORE HOURS ALONE IN THE DARK AND COLD#JUST TO GET 3 TRAINS AND 2 BUSES HOME WHEN I WOULDNT ARRIVE TIL HALF 7 IN THE MORNING#waits for taxi at Basingstoke next to a couple who fights for a solid half a hour (Fuck you Henry Ella deserves better)#gets in taxi#IT COSTS 50 QUID#okay ive run out of tags check next reblog cause im MAD
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If i get one more rimmel london shake mascara ad im going to kill myself
#theyre all the 30 second unskippable ones and im going to scream#not to mention i really dislike that actress??#she just has a really#mean face#like i feel like she could ruin my life if she was in high school with me#ghhgdhdgh#its almost 5am i should sleep anyway#but hghh i want to watch rt vids#im dying squirtle#bullshit talking
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I left a yelly comment because it was like 5am and I haven't gotten the time to process yet (i binge studied for two weeks and your fics are the first non-study shit ive read in a long time and the absurdism and philosophy made me so happy). BUT. About TCF. It rang very true in some ways to me, as someone from a 3rd world country because we... we are constantly under crisis. The apocalypse? It happens all the time. There's never money and sometimes theres LESS or theres a coup or a riot and-
And i'm young but i've already lived through one major national crisis that has WRECKED my fam when i was a baby and I'm now the age my parents were last time and I'm living through an even worse socio-politic-economical crash. And I was talking with my dad about this, who lived through a dictatorship and 4 crisis, about how idk how im going to move out or when and i was like "it just feels like the worlds ending" and he laughed and went "the worlds always ending. we just... keep going" (2/)
It's not a special notion, what he said. But. It made me think. About my country and my people and my family and how everyone has lived through so much helplessness and yet they keep choosing when they lack choice. Like, we can barely control our own natural resources or our land or our presidents without external intervention. Imperialism. But yeah, ppl still... fight so much yknow? And they are aware of it. They keep going. And your fics, specially TCF, reminded me of that. (3/)
IM SORRY IM RANTING SO MUCH BUT LET ME PRAISE YOU! your fic (your story, goddamn!) made me think of that. Of my dad. How the world's always ending but people keep going anyways, how they still try to change at least a little bit just because its the decent thing to do, just because why not? It's not about being an individual hero. It's collectivity and organisation and just... facing the storm togheter. Building a shelter. And I know you're asking questions, not solving them but thank you. Truly.
OK IM DONE I DIDNT MARK IT BUT IM DONE!!!! Just... thank you. I'm not a specifically cynic person (nor a faux positive one) but I just... i'm thankful. I'm touched. Hope you have a really nice day. Truly
Yes!! YES!!!
Thank you so much for these asks, and for sharing. I really enjoy hearing how people’s lives and experiences act as a lens through which they read my stuff, and people always have incredibly interesting perspectives. Thank you for sharing yours - it’s really valuable.
Something that’s always stood out to me in TMA is the resilience of people. Awful, terrible things keep happening to people, and they just get up, dust themselves off, and keep living anyway. Even when it’s hard or not worth it, almost every TMA character makes the decision to live and try to live well. It’s an essential part of being an Avatar, especially for Jon’s arc - that you choose living painfully over dying peacefully. Jon made the decision to hurt others and live instead of die - that’s important! As ol Jonny Sims said, TMA is about those compromises and choices we have to make, when there is no one good answer.
I believe very firmly that people are REALLY GOOD at surviving! You’re right - no matter how bad things get, or how terrible the situation seems, life goes on. The worlds ends and we wake up the next day. I think this first started hitting me around COVID, and you can tell how dramatically COVID affected my idea of the apocalypse - an apocalypse where everything’s different, where everybody lives in constant fear and misery in a way so different from the way they once did...but hey, we’re living. People are still memeing, still taking care of their kids, still playing with their dogs. People have survived the worst conditions imaginable in life throughout history (as I’m sure you know), and they still somehow got up and did their work. Even on a personal level - I had a conversation with a friend the other day where I remarked about how many times I’ve felt in my life that I can’t handle something, that I can’t do it, that I can’t make it through the next day or do this task or graduate or get this job or whatever. But I always do. Every time I say ‘I can’t do this’ or ‘I can’t handle this’, I always end up waking up the next day anyway. I’ve survived every day I’ve ever had! And I’ve survived some DAYS! Weird how that works out!
Season 5 in TMA is Hell (It is really basically hell, I have feelings on this). People sinned in one of 14 ways, and they’re being punished for all time because of it. But my approach to the apocalypse (written before I started listening to S5), was that it was just a new world. More dangerous, definitely more terrible, way more fear demons, full of monsters and urban fantasy and everything...but a world, where people live, if not thrive. Nobody’s thriving, in Jon’s world - but people are surviving, because not even Jonah Magnus can take that from them. I kind of dislike in S5 how people are just trapped in a nightmare or a dream, it’s so stagnant and perpetual. It’s very scary, but I wanted to build an urban fantasy type world, and it’s important that those worlds feel livable and exciting. The world in TCF, as Helen said, is simply different. Life always seems to get harder, because men like Jonah Magnus turned it into a capitalist hellscape and exploited it for himself, but far worse has happened and we aren’t dead yet!
And Jon, who is the utterly privileged class, who reaps every benefit of capitalism there is, looks at this oppressed world that he created and decides that he doesn’t want or need it. And then he rips the chains from the world and gives it back to humanity. It doesn’t fix everything - but it gives people a fighting chance. Which is all they need.
Thanks for the ask, and thanks for sharing your story!
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so here’s my lover secret session’s story... 02/08/2019 london 🏹🇬🇧
i got my dm on twitter on july 16th at 5:15pm and i looked at it thinking someone was trying to boo boo the fool me and it was really gonna say something like “stream ME!” so i opened it not thinking much of it and my heart literally SANK when i saw it was actually REAL. i got the phone call 4 days after from a girl called sara who was from Taylor Nation, she told me everything and i was literally in the storage room in work crying.
so it’s finally august 2nd.. i got up at 5am cause i literally had 4 different trains and 2 ubers to catch, when i finally got to my hotel it was around 11am, i checked in and got ready and went to the meeting point. i was literally the first one there so i panicked thinking i was at the wrong place but more people started to show up and immediately everyone formed little friendship groups who they seemed to have stayed with the whole day which was insane. i met lisa and emma which i’d recognised from twitter because we’d been following each other for so long and then georgia, evie & shiv all came over and we all just bonded and instantly became friends and realised we we’re the brits of the group, there were SO many international fans and it was amazing seeing people come from all over the world! our group was first on the bus and i’m not sure why but we were literally all crying like wtf was going on?? we drove past a few ambulances thinking ‘that’s gonna be our ride home after tonight’ cause at this point i’m like dying and then we finally got to THE HOUSE.
we all go inside, the ME! playlist was on, there was a huge moose head on the wall which we all became really intrigued by, a huge mirror to see ourselves ugly crying, there was food & drinks and little m&m’s with ‘lover’ and hearts on them and i have no idea what was going on in my mind at this point, like i didn’t know what to expect.
so then we all go to the living room we’re there was a bunch of cushions on the floor and a chair and speakers in front of us and i KNEW what was about to go down lads, it’s about to happen, we’re about to hear lover and i just wasn’t ready and i was sat THERE in front of the chair and a few minutes later... SHE COMES OUT FROM BEHIND THIS DOOR LOOKING LIKE LIKE AN ACTUAL GODDESS THAT JUST STEPPED OUT OF HEAVEN AND I DEAD ASS DIED RIGHT THERE THINKING ABOUT THAT AMBULANCE I SAW EARLIER ON CAUSE SHE JUST WASNT REAL. so she’s like “welcome to the lover secret sessions” and the noise that came out me was actually not human at all. she played half the album the first and kept apologising for ranting and going off topic which was so funny, she’s so adorable i was literally in awe. then was like “we’re gonna take a break so you can all go the bathroom, have a drink and stretch your legs” and then mentions she’s made us treats and everyone’s like OMG and she’s literally like “it’s just rice crispy treats i dyed in heart shapes” and it was just the funniest thing bc she’s just so sarcastic but they were the cutest things and just knowing she spent time making them was honestly insane. like i ate a rice crispy heart treat..made by taylor swift? sounds fake. so then as she’s passing them around, she’s goes into the garden and starts talking to everyone and thanking people’s parents and let everyone on her trampoline and just shouts “THESE ARE MY KIDS” with a glass of wine in her hand and it was such a taylor swift moment. it was just surreal like wtf? imagine bouncing on taylor swifts trampoline? i would’ve went on it but i wasn’t about to break my neck before listening to the rest of the album x
okay so we go back in to listen to the rest of the album and throughout the whole album listening part, i just kept crying and she kept looking at me and smiling and singing and i was just bloody in shock. there was one point during a song we’re me and georgia we’re holding onto each other crying and she just looks at us and tilts her head and gives us the most warming smile. right there we both died together it was unreal. but the album HOLY SHIT every song was INSANE. i found it so hard to pick a favourite so i have 3, this album is literally her BEST, and this coming from a speak now stan🤝 i was just the happiest i’ve ever been, it just seemed like a dream. seeing her sat there in front of me so happy and in such a good place, feeling so proud of this album and these songs just made my heart feel so full. what i was feeling in that moment is unexplainable. just pure happiness like i knew life doesn’t get any better than this... right it’s time for the meet and greets and everyone goes back in to the other room whilst they got ready and people started queuing then to go in and meet her, she spent so much time with every single person and seeing everyone’s faces coming out that room was so magical. the event was supposed to be over at 11pm and it’s literally 1:30am when it was my time to meet her. she’d literally been meeting people for HOURS and is 2 and half hours past the end time and she didn’t even mind. everyone was so eager to go inside that me and the girls decided to wait till the end.
so evie had just come out and now it’s my turn. i almost fainted, i was so dizzy and nervous and WHEN I TELL U I WAS PETRIFIED TO GO INSIDE, I ACTUALLY MEAN IT BECAUSE I WAS STOOD OUTSIDE THE DOOR REFUSING TO GO IN FOR ABOUT A MINUTE CAUSE I COULD JUST SEE HER STOOD THERE AND I WASN’T READY BECAUSE LIKE I’VE DREAMT ABOUT THIS MOMENT SINCE FOREVER. emma and lisa we’re stood there laughing trying to force me inside as well as a girl from TN. took me a good minute but i finally walked in, i walk over to her trying not to cry AGAIN and she’s stood there smiling at me and she says to me “it’s tyler isn’t it?” and i was like JDJSKDJD “yeah 😭😭😭😭” cause i didn’t think she knew who i was and i was just randomly picked by TN??? she then pulled me in for the biggest hug and i just felt like this is it, i’m gonna bloody pass out. I TOLD HER THAT WAITING IN THAT QUEUE TO MEET HER WAS LIKE WAITING FOR THE ELECTRIC CHAIR and i was like why tf did i just say that omg but she laughed and was like “omg hahaha it’s like waiting for the electric chair that’s so funny” then i gave her the lover necklace i’d gotten made for her so we had matching and she kept saying how much she loved and how beautiful it was. then said “i love your necklace” with a little smirk because i was wearing her ‘TS’ initial necklace and my heart just went HDAJHDJDDH. then she asked did i enjoy the day and i was like of course??? it was so amazing i couldn’t stop crying and she was like “aw i had so much fun, i love doing these” and then she asked how i’d gotten here and i told her that i had to take 4 trains and she looked so shocked and thanked me for doing that and asked if i was travelling afterwards and i told her i had a hotel and she goes “omg good, PLEASE don’t talk to any strangers” and i’m just like YEAH OF COURSE ANYTHING FOR U MISS SWIFT :’)))) i hugged her about 3 more times and i asked her about tour, and how she found me and she said she’d found me on tumblr and literally said “its tylovestaylor right?” and i was just like WHAT. THE. ACTUAL. FUCK. IM SCARED. cause i barely use tumblr because i’m the only one who reblogs myself??? and i’d gotten my dm on twitter so my mind was like wtf is going on right now?? i told her i changed my url and she said she’d follow me 🥺 then says “so do you wanna like... take a picture together or something?” YEAH OF COURSE, IM A BIT OF A MESS RN BUT ABSOLUTELY. she asks what i wanted to do for the photo like stand, sit, go near the piano? and i told her to choose because my mind was just all over the place and she says to me “i think one sitting down with our legs crossed over acting all (then does some pose) and stuff” i just couldn’t believe what was actually happening. we sit down next to each other and she grabs my hand and i’m just holding her and the photographer takes the photo and she tells me to have a look to see if i like it and i said i looked so bad and she goes “ITS SO CUTE, YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL AND PHOTOGENIC” then the photographer told me i was really photogenic and tay goes “SEE SHE EVEN SAID IT” did taylor swift..who invented photos and beauty... just call me beautiful and photogenic? surely not. so we took one more pic and she said she loved it so i loved it😭😭😭 we got up and hugged again and i just kept saying i love you and she told me i was beautiful and i was like SO ARE U???? and then i told her that i still don’t believe she’s real and she laughed. we hugged again i told her i loved her as i was walking out she shouts “please get home safely” and i said “have a safe flight wherever you’re going next” at the same time and she laughed and was like “OMG THANKYOU?” and i walked out and the emotions i was going through oh my god. i’d just met my favourite person in the entire world? like never in a million years did i think i’d ever meet her let alone get handpicked for secret sessions. i was in so much shock like it wasn’t real. that never happened? i’m still in shock now and literally crying writing this. she was so lovely and welcoming and spoke to me like she’d known me forever.
AND AFTER ALL THAT, SHE DECIDES SHE WANTS ME LITERALLY DEAD AND LIKES MY POST ON HERE FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER. RIGHT AFTER I’D MET HER.
i couldn’t get over how beautiful she is, inside and out like i already knew that but seeing her in real life is so different, she’s literally flawless and so cute and delicate and i’ll literally die for this woman. thankyou so much, from the bottom of my heart @taylorswift for choosing me out of 100m+ fans, i’ll never understand why i was chosen but i can’t explain how grateful i am. it was by far the best day i’ve ever had in my 18 years of being alive, nothing will ever come close to that moment. i cant wait for everyone else to hear this album, i miss you and your hugs already and i forgot to tell you because my mind was blank but i’m insanely proud of you and will support you forever. promise.
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i can feel myself breaking
prompt; lie to me - 5 seconds of summer
link to music video
summary: based on lie to me by 5 seconds of summer. colson and y/n broke up and he wants her back. lots of flashbacks and colson have a mental breakdown.
word count: 1,313
warnings: really fkn sad, mental breakdowns
I saw you looking brand new overnight I caught you looking too, but you didn't look twice You look happy
3rd person's P. O. V.
“Y/N!?” She knows that voice from anywhere. She mentally groans. “Colson?” The girl turns around and plasters a smile on her face. “How are you?” She asks as he leans in for a hug and kisses her cheek. “I’m good, how are you?” He says looking her up and down. He couldn’t help but notice that she looks brand new. New hair colour, new fashion style, new personality almost. But damn she looks good. Although, it was almost as if she changed overnight. He didn’t mind at all. “Not bad, not bad. So what are you doing here tonight?” She pries as she looks for something to get her out of the awkward conversation with her ex-boyfriend. Currently, the two stand in a nightclub surrounded by the smell of sweat and alcohol. “Just finished a tour so we’re having a bit of a congratulatory party night ya know?” “Normal stuff for you huh?” She says in a snarky tone, clearly still a bit sour from the breakup. The heavily tattooed man is clearly hurt by her tone but chooses to ignore it. He knows he hurt her in the past and he deserves her attitude. “I guess,” He mutters in shame. “So what are you doing here tonight?” “I’m here for a friend’s birthday,” She pauses. “My boyfriend actually,” She wonders if the statement will affect the man she once loved, she tells herself she doesn’t care what he thinks but everyone knows she still does. “Oh, congrats!” The man fakes a quick response to hide the hurt, but the girl knows him all too well. “Well, I better go. I’m running late,” She smiles and hugs her ex-lover once more. “It was good to see you Y/N,” He admits. “You too,” Lying through her teeth, nice Y/N. And with that, the girl walks off to meet her friends and the man walks off to meet his. The girl takes one last glance at him and he notices, she knows he does. She looks happy, he thinks to himself.
Flashing back to New York City Changing flights so you'd stay with me Remember thinking that I got this right
Y/N's P. O. V.
New York City. A city of wonders and new experiences, yet instead of exploring it I'm lying in a hotel room with my boyfriend. Of course, I don't mind though. I sit up and put both feet on the ground. I huff and push myself up, only to have arms wrap around my waist and pull me back to my original position. "Don't get up please," He groans. "Baby I have to pack, I've got a flight home in a few hours." "No, stay." I turn around to look at him. "There's no point, you're leaving for your next stop on tour and I have school dummy," I pout and poke his cute nose. He scrunches it in annoyance. He likes to keep his hard fuck boy demeanour all the time but we both know he's soft on the inside. He abruptly gets up and grabs his phone.
"Hey, Ash, can you change Y/N's flight to tomorrow? Before we leave for the next stop," "What are you doing?" I whisper yell at him. "You can? An hour before our flight? OK thanks, Ash, yeah. Love you too," He puts his phone back down and pulls me into a cuddle. "There. You're leaving tomorrow." He nuzzles his face into my neck. "You're unbelievable," I chuckle. I've got this right. The right one for me.
Now I wish we'd never met 'Cause you're too hard to forget While I'm cleaning up your mess I know he's taking off your dress
Colson's P. O. V.
I sit in my shower, fully clothed and arms wrapped around myself. I sob into my knees. "I can't believe I let her go. I let the only woman who I ever loved go. And it was all my fucking fault!" I punch the tiles and split my knuckles. I keep punching until the tiles are cracked and my hand is numb. "I'm so fucking stupid!" I choke out and continue crying. My breath is short and my chest is tight. "I feel like I'm fucking dying, I hope I do for fuck’s sake! I wish I never fucking m-met her!" I scream in between hiccups. This is so pathetic. "You're too hard to forget!" I yell as if she can hear me. "I have to clean myself up, your fucking mess! Ah!" I punch the tiles again. I'm alone at home crying in the fucking shower while he's taking off her dress. My girl. She's mine.
And I know that you don't But if I ask you if you love me I hope you lie to me
Y/N's P. O. V.
I groggily open my eyes as I wake up to loud knocking on my front door. I groan and get up. I make my way to the door, checking my phone in the meantime to see its almost 5am. Who the fuck is at my door at this time? I open it to see Colson standing there. He gives me a blank look but I can tell that he's been crying. "What are you doing here? Are you okay?" I ask as I gesture for him to come inside. "I-I just needed to see you. I'm sorry." He whispers and wraps me in his arms. I'm uncomfortable but I hug back, not wanting to be rude or provoke him. I take in the familiar smell of cigarettes, weed and his customized cologne. We just stand there holding each other for a few minutes before I pull away. "Seriously Colson, you just woke me up. Can I do anything to help you? Otherwise, you need to leave," I tell him. I don't want to be rude but I only got home a few hours ago from my boyfriends birthday party at the club so I'm exhausted and still a bit tipsy, to be honest. He turns away from me, runs his hands through his hair and lets out a long shaky breath. He turns back around with tears in his eyes. "What's wrong?" I ask. "Do you still love me?" "Colso-" "Do you? If you're going to say no, just lie to me. I just need to hear you say it," He hiccups, tears running down his face at this point. "This is inappropriate Colson. You know I can't answer that," I move forward to put my hand on his arm but he hits it away, not hard but it still hurts. It hurts my heart. "Lie to me and say you do," He cries. "Please." "No. Please leave my home," I begin to get fed up. "Y/N, please! I-I need you," He speed-walks past me and out into the rain. I watch him punch the nearest wall. "Fuck!" He screams. "Colson stop!" I scream back at him. I run in his direction, getting soaked in the rain. "Just tell me you love me!" I can see the tears through the rain and it breaks my heart. I grab his body and pull him close to me, wrapping my arms around him and stroking his back. "I-I'm so sorry," "I love you, Colson," I say, trying to calm him down. He falls to the ground, pulling me down with him. I start crying too as we just sit on the ground holding each other. "I love you Y/N. I just need you to know before I'm gone," He mumbles. "What are you talking about?" I cry into his shoulder. I can feel myself breaking, all the healing I did becoming redundant. "I love you."
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i enjoyed writing this and loved it the other day but now im not too sure, let me know what u think?
tagged: @2dead2function @s-j-g-x @verywellfandango @mayaslifeinabox @Onlybadthingz @PumpkinQueenest19 @feeding-into-darkness @xxkellsvixen19xx @lovemythsworld @xwhitewalkerx @deanwinchersterswife121
if u want to be tagged in future posts
#machine gun kelly#imagine#colson baker#prompt#writing#est#love#break#sad#write#fanfic#fanfiction#hotel diablo#rap devil#slim#rook#dub
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