#its a miracle im still here etc etc and another miracle if things work out

[dear-ao3]

the boys are fucking BACK BABEYYY and so am i, your friendly neighborhood saph. hello. today is february 25, 2024 and here we are, back at it again with another update. a very long update. please be prepared for how long this is.

this is, everything you missed if you didn't watch all 24 hours of pre season testing.

now before we get into this. i need you all to note that it is nothing short of a miracle that this update exists. not only did i spill water all over my laptop this week but my apartment ceiling started pissing at the severe unadulterated hour of 6:45am yesterday (and the guy who fixed it was a lewis hamilton fan?? that story is here) and then i broke a jar of peanut butter all over my kitchen. so i am exhausted. i am spent. and i am so tired of writing this update. so please, i beg of you, enjoy this.

now before we can get into the Pre Season Testing Drama, we first need to talk about the sir lewis hamilton thirst trap selfie curse.

what? you might be saying. is that a thing? did you mean to say those words in that order? and the answer is yes.

according to urban legend (and instagram) when sir lewis hamilton posts a thirst trap instagram selfie, someone in f1 looses their job/resigns/gets fired, etc.

lets take a look at the evidence from 2022:

sir lewis hamilton posts a thirst trap instagram selfie: a few days later sebastian vettel announces that he is retiring

sir lewis hamilton posts a thirst trap instagram selfie: a few days later its announced that daniel ricciardo is leaving mclaren before his contract is over

sir lewis hamilton posts a thirst trap instagram selfie: a few hours later its announced that nicholas latifi is leaving williams at the end of the season

sir lewis hamilton posts a thirst trap instagram selfie: a few hours later its announced that mick schumacher is leaving haas at the end of the season

sir lewis hamilton posts a thirst trap instagram selfie: two days later mattia binotto, the ferrari team principal, announces that he is resigning at the end of the season.

now im no scientist. but that seems like some strong correlation.

and sir lewis hamilton posted a thirst trap selfie earlier this week. and we all know what's going on with christian horner right now...

speaking of!!

there is another Rumor afoot in the paddock. the rumor being that christian horner is going to announce that he is resigning on february 28th. this would be just before the season officially starts. and yes, its just a rumor. but as we know, thats how most f1 news starts. as a rumor.

also red bull had a meeting after the first day of testing at their hospitality. it was speculated this was to announce to everyone horner is resigning. horner was at testing. but he was not in his team shirt. interesting.

it also came out that apparently there are over 100 pieces of evidence against horner. ford is mad (as they are going to be supplying red bull with engines) and they want this thing resolved. horner was asked about it at the press conference and he basically said he can't say anything cause its ongoing (and that was before the 100 pieces of evidence thing)

also! apparently horner was offered the opportunity to resign for "health reasons" at the end of last year, before all of the allegation rumors got out. he refused.

but well get back to testing in a moment.

first! some slightly irrelevant but still funny news:

this is not really news but apparently zak brown, mclaren ceo, was a normal guy who went on wheel of fortune when he was younger and won a bunch of money which he used to finance his racing career, which didnt really work out for him, but he had enough connections to eventually much later on become the mclaren ceo. which is. kinda wild. (via the red flags podcast)

drive to survive season 6 came out on netflix on friday. it is about the 2023 season and i haven't watched it yet but apparently lando norris asks lance stroll if he can "wank" yet after his wrist injury

christian horner apparently unfollowed max verstappen on instagram

pierre gasley, the very french alpine driver, posted a photo of himself pulled over and getting breathalyzed on instagram. this was soon after deleted, probably by his pr team, but it was fucking hilarious. and before you get all oH hEs pRomOtiNG dRinKiNg aNd dRiVinG, apparently getting breathalyzed when youre pulled over is just something they do in france.

pierre also apparently knew that hamilton was going to ferrari before it was announced. but he refused to say how. the answer to that is likely that charles leclerc told him, because they are besties. so zhou can keep a secret, but clearly charles cannot

gunther steiner, the disgraced haas team principal, is making a return to the paddock in the form of a member of the permanent presentation team for RTL germany. basically hes going to analyze and discuss the races and all that good stuff. which is great for him!

carlos sainz posted a video of himself making pancakes to an audio clip form an interview last year where he explains how to make pancakes. its funny because the audio and the video actually provide very little instruction for how to make the pancakes.

we found out that when the hamilton to ferrari news broke, lando norris was actually in a cave in vietnam with some of his friends. and when they all got out of said cave and turned their phones back on, his friend said "oh lewis is going to ferrari!" and lando thought that he was playing a prank on him.

the official fia photo day.

god. the photo.

every year they do a Drivers Photo. and it normally looks like a kindergarten school picture:

or they get fancy and do something like this:

well not this year.

this year they decided to make it look like they were all contestants on the bachelorette. if the bachelorette was the world championship.

now i understand this is the first time youve all actually seen all the guys photos on this post. so ill take a minute to tell you everyone's names:

from left to right

valtteri bottas (ass calendar man), carlos sainz jr (proud owner of a Volkswagen golf hatchback), nico hulkenburg (hates when daniel ricciardo says his name), lance stroll (canadian), max verstappen (once ripped down a door for his cats), yuki tsunoda (hates working out in the morning), logan sargeant (a literal florida man), charles leclerc (cannot park a car to save his life), kevin magnussen (his daughter helps him put on his gloves), pierre gasley (has cardboard cut outs of the drivers in his garage), fernando alonso (sponsored by tiktok???), sir lewis hamilton (slaying as usual), lando norris (ok WHO put him next to george russell he looks so small), oscar piastri (reportedly has never used a comb), george russell (man of memes), daniel ricciardo (a car mechanic), checo perez (drives a minivan), zhou guanyu (can keep a secret), alex albon (has an entire instagram just for his pets) and esteban ocon (gave ryan reynolds one of his helmets)

and with all that aside. lets get into pre season testing. grab a snack. get a drink. or maybe go to bed. this is a long one.

first. what the fuck is pre season testing?

pre season testing is the week before the first race of the year. the teams have all revealed their new cars for the season and this is the first time all the cars are together on track. its mainly to test set ups and collect data, kind of fine tune everything before the first race and make sure nothing is going to explode. its also a chance to check out what your rivals are up to and see if youve got a hot chance in hell this year. it takes place over the course of three days, with two four hour sessions each day. each team is allowed to have only one car on track at a time, so they split their drivers between the sessions.

its not really about going As Fast As You Can tho (much to the commentators general chagrin), and all the teams are changing the car set up throughout the sessions (tires, fuel, etc) so you can't really tell whos going to slay and whos going to flop in a season just from testing alone. the commentators all bitch and moan throughout testing though that no one is going Fast, so much so that one of them, jolyon palmer, named the last bit of the day when the track is the best "power hour" where Hopefully the cars go fast. and they made him this graphic for it:

but teams generally dont go as fast as they can because sometimes they like to hide some of their pace to surprise the rest of the grid at the first race.

testing is largely important because the data they gather data to help tell them how to make their car faster for their upgrades for later on in the year. so after testing they're already making upgrade packages for months in advance.

and, as commentator/presenter will buxton said, building and setting up an f1 car is a lot like building ikea furniture. the first time sucks but then it gets a lot easier.

"saph," you might be saying. "did you really watch 24 hours of testing just to write this post?"

yes i did. and i took notes :)

now. as excited as we all are about the boys being back on the track, we also get to hear the commentary. people have asked where they can watch f1. im pretty decently sure you have to pay to watch it (tho if someone knows of a free version throw it in the comments) and i have f1tv pro (which if youre going to pay to watch f1, pay for f1 tv pro because you get to see the onboard cameras and all that good stuff), so i hear the sky sports announcers. for the races i listen to the international broadcast (which Yes may be Slightly Biased but i want to hear crofty ok sue me). and the announcers. well. they have their fun. i also sometimes can't tell them apart when theyre talking cause they all have British Announcer Voices so if i fuck up who said what i apologize.

testing, can be pretty boring. theres long stretches of time where not a lot is happening and they have to make it sound interesting for people, so they talk about nothing (like in vegas where they talked about the plot of oceans 11 for a good 20 minutes and managed to get it wrong) or they shit on the teams.

and before we get started, a quick bit about the tires.

if youre new here, there are Several kinds of tires for f1:

c1: hardest tire c2: still hard but slightly less hard c3: mid tire c4: soft-er c5: softest inter: transitional between wet and dry tires wet: for rain and wet conditions

generally, the softer the tire the faster your car will go because theres more grip. each track uses different tires depending on the configuration and this becomes a bit part of the strategy. for example, for one race the options could be the c1 c2 and c3 and for another one it could be the c3 c4 and c5.

and one more disclaimer: i was mostly listening to testing as opposed to having my eyes on the screen the whole time. so i may have missed a few things. everything in here though, unless otherwise stated, happened at testing.

now ive gone back and forth on how to work through the testing drama, and ive decided to just split it up by teams. the days are slightly irrelevant. and there are some parts where i get into the weeds a little on the car mechanics and set up and everything, but i really tried to make it entertaining. so without further ado:

Visa Cashapp Racing Bulls (RB)

Apparently. the visa cash app racing bulls team doesnt want to be called visa cash app and they also dont want to be called racing bulls. despite the fact that this is their name. the commentators found this very silly. so they're calling the team RB. for racing bulls. again, the commentators find this stupid with one of them even saying that he hates calling them that cause the initials "mean nothing." they went on a tangent about how the team and company is registered under racing bulls so they should be called racing bulls. but alas. they are RB. aparently theyre called rb because it is "more snappy" but rb does stand for racing bulls. though that did not stop them from calling them both alpha tauri and toro rosso (the teams previous names) accidentally. and alex albon was asked what he thought about the rb team and he said "now when we say rb are we talking about yuki and daniel?"

this also sparked, i believe it was will buxton (?), to go on a long tangent about the history of every teams names in formula 1. this ended with the statement: "they could call themselves dave if they wanted" the brand doesnt matter.

then they also shitted on the livery. because it looks a lot like the old toro rosso livery. someone (i dont remember who) said something along the lines of "it looks like they were digging around at the factory, opened a cupboard and were like hm looks like we've got loads of silver and blue paint lets just use that. and we've also got loads of blue pants leftover lets use those in our uniforms"

which is hilarious. but also it kinda does look like that:

other drivers and the commentators though said that, clowning aside, the rb team seems to be doing pretty well. considering that they are sharing a lot of parts and stuff with red bull, this would be obvious. but they could be the dark horse of the season.

laurent mendies, the rb team principal, who may actually be more French than pierre gasley, seemed very optimistic, calm and collected. though i am not sure a french guy with thick black glasses and a curly gray almost mullet would be capable of being pessimistic.

also. their drivers, yuki and daniel, remain nothing short of iconic:

here was yukis instagram story:

and daniel ricciardo had several unhinged moments. including one interview where he expressed the desire to eat a fly for "protein" that was flying around his head. and when he was told the official name of the car (rb vcarb 01) and he said "??? is that what its called??"

daniel said the car is "alright." and he has driven many many red bulls so he knows a good fast car when he drives one. he said that they are definitely not last years red bull and he pretty firmly said that they wont be on the podium next week. the current goal is getting to q3 (round 3) of qualifying. and thats not a fairly hopeful statement from daniel ricciardo. so. perhaps they are just a mid field team.

also we've had an update on zak brown's statement on the partnership that exists between the rb and redbull teams. zak said that technically red bull and rb are currently existing within the current f1 regulations (as in, red bull is not breaking the rules by owning two teams) but he thinks that the rules should change to not allow this, as literally every other sport is not allowed to have two teams at the same level.

Stake F1 Team Kick Sauber

similarly to RB, the commentators also shit on stake. they shit on stake throughout the weekend, the name and the color. but i believe it was ted kravitz (the f1 presenter who often hangs out in the pitlane) said in session 1: "if its got carbon fibre or not, living breathing or not, its flouro green, thats the philosophy down here at sauber" the teams also do something during testing where they put flow vis paint on the car and drive it (to see air flow) and its neon green most of the time, so you can see it, and they were like man. every time a sauber car comes out of the garage i keep thinking whos doing a flo vis test again? but its just sauber!

mclaren even really shit on them in an instagram post (that was quickly deleted and i tried to find it in a screenshot but i could not) where they posted a photo of the mclaren on the track next to the sauber and then the mclaren again covered in flo vis paint with the caption "did stake sneeze on us??"

the name shitting was also present. they decided to call the team sauber tho instead of stake and kick because "thats the name of the team, the others are brands" and yeah, they're correct about that. but in the second session of day 1 one of the commentators stumbled through the whole team name and then said "stake kick sauber, choose your own adventure at that name!"

aside from literally everyone shitting on their name and their color though, they did well. they were flying a bit under the radar, but still doing pretty well. their car notably is the closest set up to last year's red bull, with them copying a lot of the design elements (aside from the nose of the car, which is different). and i know that doesnt mean a whole lot to a lot of you, but basically the car is entirely different than it was last year and since they copied a lot of the elements and shape of the fastest car last year, the hope is that they will have some pace this year.

Williams

now williams, unsurprisingly, had a few problems. on the first day, alex albon was the only car to stop on track and it was due to a fuel pump issue. james vowels, the team principal, explained this very seriously. with the same level of serious that he explained his daughters christmas outfits 2 minutes later.

then in session 2 of day one, logan sargeant spun out with a gearbox issue. which is deeply surprising. and i will tell you why. ive alluded to this before but mercedes and williams have something of a partnership because mercedes supplies williams with some parts (engines, gearboxes etc.) so. Williams made the decision to run the 2023 mercedes geabox in their 2024 car (which is allowed). and that gear box was incredibly reliable. so the fact that theirs fucked out. not so great for williams.

there was also kimi antonelli talk. which ill get to a bit more later in the silly season section, but! james said that maybe they dont want to put kimi in their car anyway. meaning they wouldn't sign kimi if mercedes asked them to. which is! interesting!

and williams changed around their front wing to make it more uwu sexy (faster). though alex albon said that their straight line speed does not seem to be as fast as it was last year. this is not necessarily bad because their car was Only fast in a straight line last year. and as you know. tracks have turns. but this year it seems, at least according to alex albon, that they have "more options" as in the car does more than just go fast in a straight line.

alex also came into the commentary box and chose violence. within 4 seconds of being there he said "may i expose you guys a bit? it smells like champagne in here." he was so committed to the bit of proving that the commentary box smelled like champagne that he brought it up three separate times and even went as far as to sniff the container of wipes that they use to wipe off the mics to see if it was that. (it was not). (the commentators were also so outraged at this accusation that they brought it up at least four more times throughout testing. they determined that it was in fact the alcohol wipes)

they asked alex to predict what would happen next week at the bahrain grand prix. (there is a lap time record that people speculate will be broken next week, likely by red bull) and alex said the following:

"max is going to have a 25 second lead. hes going to go for a pit stop at the end of the race and hes going to go for his fastest lap at the end and break the lap record. [various discussion about him going already being at the bar by the time the other drivers cross the line] or he could be here cause clearly theres the champagne here."

alex also talked about the iconic george russell intro pose from 2023:

so according to alex:

"so i asked the people who filmed that why did you choose that video of george? and apparently i think it has to do with everyone's height that only george esteban and me could do it? thank god they chose george! everyone has that pose i think everyones got it. im sure they could have 20 drivers easily doing the whatever that thing is." and honestly i think hes onto something because landos pose was similar to georges but not as dramatic (likely because hes smaller and his arms probably didnt reach as far as georges do) and this picture got memed to high hell and a half. so. f1 if youre out there. please release the video compilation of all the drivers doing the george russell pose.

aside from all that though. he is excited about williams and about the car and everything that they have coming up. which sounds like it could be promising! but again! its only testing! and their testing kind of went the worst of everyones testing with all the problems that they had.

logan said in his interview that he is still "fighting the car a little more than [he wants]" but that hes excited for what they have coming and that hes hopeful that they will get their crap together and the car will be better because things are lining up as expected.

they also mentioned about 198120928 million times that "logan put on five kilos of muscle over the break and he is feeling very confident in his preparation for the next season" so hopefully he will do better than one single point this coming year.

and, they had this very very flattering angle of alex albon:

Haas

well. they were exactly where they expected they would be. dead last. they also said that they suspected that they would be dead last during their car launch.

there was one fantastic shot of nico hulkenberg in the cockpit holding a pair of pliers. would have loved to have known what he was doing with those.

and on day three kevin was in the car in the garage with a hammer doing Something in the cockpit?? what it was no one knows. commentator speculation was that he was fixing some padding. but it was at the very end of his run. so. hm!

the team principal, ayao komatsu, seemed very optimistic though? and seemed to have a plan? which seems good for them? he did say they had a few random car problems but they were able to run through all of the tests that they wanted to, which is always good.

haas had the most wind tunnel time of all the teams (wind tunnel testing time is determined by your position in the championship and haas came dead last and dead last gets the most time) but they wasted most of this wind tunnel time creating an upgrade package for the 2023 austin race which epically flopped.

haas's biggest problem consistently is the tires. their cars eat their tires. much like the tractors eating luigis radial tires in cars 1. and once they get their car to stop eating tires it will be significantly better for them. cause they have good pace on qualifying days but then it all falls apart on race day because they have to race for longer and the car chomps on the tires. its kind of unclear if they've gotten any closer to solving this problem, though the drivers are optimistic. kevin said that he thinks their tire problems have lessened a little, but we haven't seen race pace yet so whos to really say.

haas though have been pretty low energy. very accepting of the fact that unfortunately, they're probably going to be dead fucking last again.

at the end of day two they did all the stop and start and safety car tests and for the race restart test there were idk maybe 6 drivers lined up for the test and k mags was one of them. all the other drivers decided that they were going to Race Race off the line (trying to pass eachother, full sparks flying, etc) but apparently no one told kevin this. and he was very surprised that the cars were racing.

Aston Martin

they did pretty well. well. perhaps i should say that fernando alonso did pretty well. fernando was up in the top 3 quite a bit and the car, at least according to the commentators, seemed fast.

they spoke to one mike krak, the team principal of aston martin, who said that they definitely want to re sign fernando. when asked if fernando was happy, cause recall that he wanted to see what aston were doing before considering any other contract from another team, said "is fernando every happy?" which is very villain of fernando.

fernando alonso was, however, happy when during the red flag on day 2 he was sitting in his car the entire time. the red flag was upwards of 30 minutes. his seat must be quite comfy because everyone else got out.

there is some speculation that aston martin may have created a rocket ship. were not entirely sure though because most of the cars dont show their full pace during testing. but they do seem to be pretty even with mclaren.

and during his interview Fernando was as pleased as fernando can be. as in he said that the car this year was better than the car last year. which is something when most teams like to be vague. he did though say that red bull is definitely fast and "i think 19 drivers in the paddock now will think that they will not win the championship." and thats a pretty definitive statement. no one said it as directly as this, but it seemed to be the general driver consensus that max and red bull are winning this year again.

Alpine

alpine are happy with their performance. but last year they had a stupid amount of drama, so they are likely to be pleased because there is no more of that. jack doohan, their test and reserve driver, had a lovely conversation with the commentators during day two where he said that basically the team is exactly where they want to be in terms of set up. they do seem solidly midfield though. which is decent for them.

also! alpine put more paint on their car. the nose of it is now more blue. and according to the alpine technical director, the race pace gain of not fully painting the car is .03 of a second. which in formula 1 means 2 or 3 places sometimes. (its a race pace gain because painting the car adds weight and formula 1 is a weight game with the cars and paint is something that often gets sacrificed to make the weight requirement)

they had something pop off of their car on the front while they were driving. which isn't Great.

this being said. they weren't particularly stand out. they didnt bring the softest tires so we didnt get to see their zoom zoom pace, but the commentators seemed in agreement that they might have a lot of work to do. they are hard to place right now in terms of where all the teams line up.

they were talked about the least by far. but apparently they might have the least aerodynamic car of everyone.

Mclaren

reportedly the vibes were "good" in their garage. thats the thing about testing, you have to mostly judge the body language of the teams and if people seem stressed and worried then thats reason for despair. but mclaren seemed mostly pleased.

except of course when will buxton called their car "neon orange" on twitter and they responded back and said um actually No its Papaya. will buxton went on a very long rant during the afternoon session of day two of testing about how the mclaren is actually Not painted Papaya because "papaya is a creamier shade of orange" and he begged and implored the viewers at home to google search "pantone papaya" and compare it to the f1 car.

and i hate to say it. but i think will is right.

they went on another long tangent about color and the absence of color and pigment. and the freaking blue and black or white and gold dress from like 2012. all normal testing talk.

moving on from that. the commentators want lando to win a fucking race finally. so that he can move on from that pressure and get on with his career already. cause hes fast. but until he gets that win. whos to say.

lando also had fastest lap in session 1, .8 seconds ahead of max verstappen, for quite a little. before max went faster than him. for seemingly no reason other than he could. and then max's race engineer (gp) made this lovely face:

which caused many people to be like welp! thats it! were all fucked! red bull is going to win everything again!

(max verstappen also apparently sent that photo of gp to gp after testing and max said that "i sent that footage to him where hes smiling! he doesnt like to be on camera, so he was a bit like 'argh! i shouldn't have done that!'")

but back to mclaren:

they also talked a good bit about lando and oscar. the commentators seem to think they're kind of on a level playing field. now that oscar has a year under his belt and a few podiums, he seems to have found his confidence and he Could be very close in points and everything to lando. this is good. they need a strong pairing to bring the fight to red bull. and mclaren yes always say ohhhh we can't compete with red bull. and then they do. so we respectfully do not listen to a single thing that they say about not being able to take on red bull.

and they also said that oscar is more confident. which is true. in the few media things hes done he seems to actually want to talk to people instead of just follow around lando. kind of a lot like how lando was really quiet his first year at mclaren and just followed around carlos before growing into himself.

oscar also made a bold prediction that fernando would go to merc.

and this technically wasn't at pre season testing but while were talking about oscar being sassy he did this interview and well.

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A post shared by The Fast And The Curious (@fastcuriouspod)

yeah.

aside from that mclaren were dealing with a little bit of porpoising. which is the driver bumping up and down when they're driving. this was a large thing back in 2022 (and the origin of the iconic "change your fucking car" clip from drive to survive). and they had a problem with landos clutch (could have also been the fuel pump?), he had to stop on day 2 and 3 for awhile for them to fix that. but again, the team seemed pretty Unworried.

my personal favorite photo of lando from testing was this one, and since i can't find a real photo of it on the interwebs you will all have to tolerate the garbage quality of the snapchats that i sent my sister:

they do seem Quietly Confident. they did not really do all All Out Fast Lap (they didnt bring the softest tires that you would use for the all out fast lap) so they clearly are confident if they didnt want to test that. though they didnt really do too many laps in comparison to the other teams at testing, which isn't always great. so we shall see.

Ferrari

ferrari did decently well. with the exception of the drain cover incident on day 2.

now. this is not the first time that a ferrari has fallen victim to a drain cover. the first drain cover incident was in free practice 1 in las vegas 2023. carlos sainz ran over a loose drain cover about 9 minutes into practice, it blew a hole clear through the bottom of his car and delayed the start of practice 2 by i think it was 6 hours because they had to check the whole track again. he also got a 10 place grid penalty for having to change his power unit (even though he clearly didnt have a choice)

charles's run in with a drain cover was not nearly as dramatic. it was a painted over cover on some curbing on the track that got loose and damaged the bottom of his car. not so great. also sets a terrible start to the season for mr leclerc who is Notoriously Unlucky.

notably:

during 2023 charles had a dnf (did not finish) and dns (did not start) and a dsq (disqualified) from starting pole position (first). in his 5 years in f1 he has only finished i think 2 of his home races (monaco) and has never been on the podium there. he gets fucked by the strategy. and during testing he now runs over a drain cover. brilliant.

and one report of the incident framed it like this for some reason:

and the commentators clowned on him a lot during the first day of testing, when max verstappen decided to pass him:

“first move of the year and it was a red bull overtaking a ferrari, who would have guessed”

“poor little charles leclerc already has to be looking at the back of a red bull"

“oo another overtake. charles is getting overtaken left right and center”

but back to testing. this incident caused a red flag about 2 hours and 30 minutes into the first testing session on day two. and they had a red flag for about a half hour or so before they decided that they would not resume the session in order to make repairs to the track. which is very unfortunate for the teams because they only have a limited amount of testing time. they extended the afternoon session to 5 hours to accommodate the time lost during the red flag.

carlos, weirdly, blamed himself for the drain cover situation because apparently he saw it loosen before charles hit it, went to talk to the marshal about it and then charles hit it. ferrari tho were pretty nonplussed about the whole thing though. they had parts to fix it and it wasnt nearly as bad as the vegas incident.

aside from that though, ferrari seemed as confident as they could be with red bull being the insane team that they are. carlos had fastest lap on day 2 of testing and charles had fastest lap on the third day of testing, with max in 4th. and the commentators were pretty convinced that ferrari could bring the fight to red bull in terms of qualifying, not necessarily the race, just like last year. of course, its just testing, this is mostly for set ups and isn't actually representative of race pace. but still!

they interviewed fred vasseur (the team principal) and honestly i was so surprised at how aggressively french he sounded that i forgot to listen to most of what he was actually saying. literally this is the most french man i have ever heard. i knew he was french. but i didnt know he was this french! hes more french than the rb team principal. anyway. what did fred say. i have no idea. i think he said that the car is doing well (but dont have too high of expectations!) and carlos and Charles are doing well. he complimented carlos on handling the lewis hamilton situation pretty professionally all things considered. seriously go look up a video of him talking.

the car seems to be set up more to match charles's racing style than carlos's, but they both got very good laps out of the car and were consistently in the top 3 times. carlos actually had the fastest time of all of testing, which was a 1:29. charles and carlos both seemed pleased with the car in their interviews. carlos was more vague with his answers. when asked what charles thought about testing so far he said “it feels like every winter test which means that we dont know a thing” and then when asked about red bull he said “red bull unfortunately remains quite ahead." which is true.

charles was also asked about his new ep by will buxton during his interview. and when i say asked i mean will said “its testing so we need to talk about the important things. you have an ep out!” an ep that he apparently wrote in a day and a half??? (its called dreamers its very good). and then he was also asked if he is going to collaborate with lewis hamilton on an album next year. because that is a reasonable thing to ask during testing. charles said vaguely that he would talk with lewis about it. so. whos to say! we could get a ferrari album!!!

then the commentators debated what song charles and lewis should duet. and the consensus was everybody hurts by rem. yeah. says a lot.

and, perhaps most importantly, we got our closeup on charles leclercs eyes (which is a staple of any f1 event, the camera guys love giving him a good little zoom moment)

they also talked a good bit about the lewis hamilton to ferrari drama.

and, in case you need a refresher on why this was a wild bit of drama, this instagram reel is a good summary:

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and the general consensus was that if anyone said that they saw this coming, they were lying. they also are pretty convinced that, despite the fact that lewis is not allowed to bring race engineers etc with him from mercedes to ferrari, it would be highly unusual if some people didnt go with him. because in f1 the contracts are "water tight" and theres nothing that money basically can't solve. the person most likely to follow lewis is his race engineer, bono. one of the commentators said that they "can't see lewis putting up with the same radio calls as charles and carlos." this is probably referring to the infamous ferrari radios where they tell charles to stay out on track, then call him into the pits after hes already passed the pit lane or tell him to come in then change their minds once hes already turned in and tell him to stay out. it is also. a fantastic dig.

but also. at ferrari, sir lewis hamilton would be getting back together with fred vasseur, the Ferrari team principal, who he raced for in the junior leagues back in the day, effectively nicely bookending his career. and as they pointed out several times, it will be a good learning experience for charles to work with a world champion of lewis's calibre.

Mercedes

now mercedes. there was quite a bit of discussion around the seat positioning in the car. lewis hamilton wanted the seat further back and they finally put the seat further back. so now its in a set up where he will perform well with it. (looking forward to his time at ferrari next year though, that seat is further forward. this led to a long speculation of Will Ferrari Listen To Lewis, which i think i already talked about in a previous update).

there was also the mercedes front wing. mercedes put a front wing on their car this year that was different than the usual front wing. here we have the 2023 mercedes front wing:

and here we have the 2024 mercedes front wing:

as you can see where those arrows are pointing. the top bit of the front wing closer to the nose is very narrow to make it more aerodynamic and also stay in regulations that both sides of the wing must be secured to the car. still, this could be illegal in terms of regulations. the fia said that they would wait to deliver a verdict on it to see how much dirty air it produces.

they also are now sponsored by whatsapp. and this year they decided to make the radio button on their steering wheel a whatsapp button:

yes. f1 is a very very serious sport.

ultimately though. mercedes showed up. they kinda flopped last year and the car looked hard to drive. but this year they were positively slaying. not as good as red bull were but they were still slaying.

there was a whole lot of talk about the lewis and george situation. will lewis hamilton still be treated as the number 1 driver this year or will they treat george as the number 1 driver? lewis, as we know, is leaving to go to ferrari next year and it will be george carrying the team so are they going to still give lewis the winning strategy?? we dont know. lewis has said that all his focus is on mercedes this year so i think that he thinks that hes still going to be treated as the number 1 driver. george, for what it is worth, said that hes not really concerned about whos getting the seat after lewis because hes already had a top tier teammate, he knows mercedes will make a good choice.

george and toto had some funny moments on the cameras. toto raised his eyebrows at one like he was on the office:

and toto tried and failed to block george from the camera here (this was the only picture of it i could find that wasnt a gif):

Red Bull

ah red bull. well. as predicted they came and they slayed. and this was due to one man. adrian newey.

who the hell is adrian newey you might be asking? he is the chief technology officer at red bull racing. meaning that basically, he designs the car. and he is very, very good at what he does. so good in fact that he has been offered chances to work on space ships and turned them down to stay at f1. according to the commentators the last time he made a bad car was when he was at mclaren in 2003 and that wasnt because it was bad, it was because it was ahead of its time.

apparently. one year red bull was like hey. hey buddy. dont follow any regulations. just make us the fastest car known to man. just for fun.

and he did.

and it was so fast that no one could drive it.

anyway. this is the fit that this man was pulled up in in the garage:

which is nothing short of terrifying in a way that i cannot articulate. everyone else in their team shirts and then this guy looking like a dad who just walked away from a grill, about to kick everyones fucking asses.

but anyway. what on earth have red bull got cooking this year.

well ill tell you. as that is very much the point of this post.

to put it very simply. red bull took the concept that mercedes had in 2022/2023. the very one that mercedes tossed out because they couldn't figure out how to make it work. well. red bull took that and adrian newey said. hm. i can make this work. and then he did.

and this is important for a few reasons.

excuse me while i get into the weeds of car build a little here.

on the sides of the cars are these things called side pods and they regulate the air flow and cooling of the engine and all that good stuff. red bull last year put the intake on the opposite side as everyone else. so this year everyone copied red bull (because why wouldn't they??? red bull slayed last year) and then this year red bull were like hm well were not going to do that. they flipped the intake back on the other side, basically using the old mercedes side pods.

theres a lot more to it than that, but for all intents and purposes, thats what's going on

and everyones like? will this work? what the fuck is red bull doing? is newey getting ahead of himself ala mclaren 2003? only time will tell.

but as commentator/presenter rachel brookes said during day three "if it aint broke dont fix it, unless of course youre adrian newey because then you can make it better."

however, they seemed to have a 2 second lead over everyone in testing, and they really didnt hit a full out race pace at all (likely because they are confident) (the ferraris had faster laps than max did but they were on slightly softer tires) (most of max's runs were on harder tires (they didnt run anything softer than a c3) and they were still passing everyone which is impressive). and. max verstappen did notably say that the car does "everything i want it to." so looks like red bull will be at the front again. and the gap to them is probably larger than anything thinks it is. but who, if anyone, will bring the fight to them?? ferrari, mercedes and mclaren all seem capable of it.

on top of this though, red bull is planning a large upgrade for their car seemingly early in the season (perhaps as early as race 5) which means they could get faster. the gap between red bull and everyone else could really widen. though, its been speculated that the gap wont be As Much as it was last year.

red bull does though apparently blast 2010s pop music in their garage (seemingly the only team that does so?) and general consensus from instagram was that they were playing the darude remix of sandstorm.

also max looked far more comfortable in the car than checo did. which is not surprising but also in a year where checo has to be on his best behavior to keep his seat, thats not great news for him. especially remembering the supposed clause in daniels contract that says he could replace checo if hes not performing early in the season. only problem with that is that historically checo does well at the beginning of the season and then drops off towards the end. but, we saw several times max taking fastest lap of the session, and checo never took fastest lap of the session.

interestingly we heard very little from horner. we did see him in the garage, he was back in his team polo for days 2 and 3 (i think?) but there were no real zooms on him or anything. it would seem though that regardless of whether or not he leaves this year though, red bull are set to win because the car has already been developed and all that. when theres a team principal change theres usually not real changes seen until the following season because of how the development process works.

on day three, about 20 minutes into the first session, one checo perez ran over quite possibly the same drain cover as charles leclerc and loosened it up. again. another red flag. another stop. and it was quite a long stop because they had to come up with a better solution.

and well. it was entertaining to watch them try to get the drain cover back in order at least. one of the commentators noticed that they were hitting a hammer with a screwdriver, which, same.

and several people shitted on drain cover two, electric boogaloo. including our good friend the mercedes instagram admin:

and lando's ln4 twitter account:

the drain cover part 2 incident forced them to combine practice 1 and 2 for day 3 together to ensure that everyone got a fair amount of run time. so it was a 9 hour straight day.

Silly Season Speculation

so so so on top of All That then there was a good bit of speculation on Silly Season. lets get a run down:

-ultimately, the whole silly season hinges on the mercedes seat

-commentators are Pretty Fucking Sure kimi is going to go to merc. but they need to decide if they're doing this for 2025 or later because he still needs to prove himself in f2. but its unlikely that they would sign someone else for Just One Year

-toto is likely Not going to let kimi slip through his grasp like max verstappen did

-recall tho. james vowels (williams team principal) doesnt really want to sign kimi antonelli to williams.

-however, merc needs to make up their big ass minds because the driver market will not move until merc decides whos getting the seat because Everyone Wants The Seat

-carlos it seems has literally every option open to him. sauber potentially but that seems like a long term project and he is in his Peak f1 years and will want to jump into something that will perform with him. he wants to win things. he could go back to alpine. he could go to williams if they perform well. or aston. or even merc.

-reguardless though, it seems like lewis signed with ferrari because he lost hope in merc. there are many instances where he said that "i want this to change on the car, this has to change on the car" and he was right and they didnt change it. and then he wanted a longer contract and they also said no. and he said fuck this im out.

-there was also speculation that the merc seat could be open to anyone. even people who already have contracts. could buy themselves out of it to go to merc. cause a merc seat doesnt pop up often.

-as we know. checo, liam lawson, yuki and daniel all want to second red bull seat. the commentators came up with a great solution to this problem and it was. why dont you just put all of them in the simulator to see whos the fastest? and unfortunately that wont work because as good as a simulator is, it is not a real car and some things do not translate. its still anyones guess who will get the seat.

-estie bestie is confident that he could stay at alpine because he thinks that he is doing well and he has been there for several years already. but he is also hopeful about mercedes because he is actually still under the mercedes umbrella. he was their test and reserve driver for i believe 2019 and he was in the mercedes junior program. there are a lot of people thought who severely doubt that this will actually happen.

-also alex albon is confirmed confirmed to have a williams contract for 2025. so hes off the market.

-theres at least two f2 drivers who might be up for f1 seats: ollie bearman and kimi antonelli, as well as then liam lawson. so potentially 3 people on the current grid could be out of a seat at the end of the year.

and finally. the speculation of What The Order For The Championship Will Be!!!

its widely regarded that red bull are going to be in the top spot again. so there wont really be a fight for first, but there will be a fight for 2 3 and 4. so that puts the upper mid field as being ferrari, mclaren, mercedes and aston martin. the only solidly mid field car could be alpine, same as last year. then the back of the field as haas, williams and stake.

the consensus though was. this is going to be an interesting year. the cars are all probably closer in pace than we think. no one had an absolutely jackshit run in testing. and by summer break, we should have a very close fight for at least 2nd 3rd and 4th playing out.

and with that. im going to take a nap.

thank you everyone for taking the time to read this ridiculously long update im sorry if i got a little in the weeds, there was a lot of info to sort through lol. and i see all of you commenting and sending asks saying that ive converted you to being a fan. im so glad were all having fun here :)

i will see you all next week for the FIRST RACE RAAAAAAAAA and the Official start of the season.

Sorry i tried to scroll past but, i know nothing about f1 other than max verstappen is fast, my dad doesnt like lewis hamilton, fast car goes in a loop and sometimes expodes. Could you give me a crash course in f1 drama? Im very intrigued. Whats the tea as it were?

a terribly loaded question, but i will do my best. i’ve talked about some of the drama before like the red bull second seat and the chronicles of haas but allow me to briefly try my hand at explaining the nightmare that is the upcoming silly season

under the cut we go

silly season is when the drivers go through contract renewals, extensions and switches. usually it’s confined to the first half of the season (march-july) but it has been known to extend all the way to the last race of the season and they like to switch people around at random sometimes. driver contracts are complex, there’s a lot of money involved and basically You Are The Face Of The Team so if you have a shit season then you make the team look bad. but at the same time you could have a shit season because you have a shit car. it’s sticky stuff.

so. there are only twenty seats in formula 1. 10 teams. each team gets two drivers. (there’s also reserve drivers but we’re not going to get into that). who ends up with a contract is largely up to the teams, they can pull the contract out from under people they can also cut you mid season. they’ve done it before.

of the 20 drivers on the grid, 14 of them have contracts expiring at the end of the year. yes. 14. you see how this could get complicated.

so let’s meet the teams.

red bull racing. they came first this year (and last year) in the championship. like aggressively first. like they won the championship by over 350 points. they are definitely the team to beat. but if you end up with a seat at red bull, you do have to deal with max verstappen being your teammate and he won all but three of the races last year. he’s the golden boy. red bull are also notoriously silly when it comes to contracts and famously swap people mid season who aren’t performing.

mercedes. merc is home to 7 time world champion lewis hamilton and they have won the championship a great many times, though not since 2021. they are kind of in their flop arc and their car the last 2 years has been pretty garbage, but they have still made it work because they were able to come in second last year.

ferrari. god help the poor little meow meows with a ferrari contract. ferrari is a notoriously great team and they’re trying to get back to the top again but their strategy every single time has fallen short. to the point where their drivers are the ones doing the strategy in their cars while driving. they came in third last year and have been decently consistent at getting first in qualifying and then getting beat by max verstappen on race day.

mclaren. they’ve definitely worked their way up over recent years. they ended fourth last year and have had some championship wins before but not nearly as many as say merc and ferrari. their team ceo (owner? director?) is a little interesting and their car started out a pile of flaming hot garbage at the beginning of the year but they did manage to get their shit together.

aston martin. they are owned by canadian billionaire lawrence stroll, father of lance stroll (one of the drivers for the team). they’ve undergone several name changes over the recent years (force india, racing point, etc). they positively slayed at the start of the season and then one day they sucked. they finished fifth in the championship.

alpine. the frenchest french team. they’re (i think?) still partially owned by the french government. both of their drivers are french. (their drivers also hate eachother but we’ll get to that. just know they’re in the middle of a modern french civil war). they had the opportunity to have a good rookie driver (oscar piastri) this past year but in a thrilling twitter battle, he publically flamed the shit out of them and went to mclaren instead (and slayed). they're usually solidly middle of the pack. they ended sixth in the championship.

williams. williams has been one of the back of the grid teams for the last many years but they have finally started to get their shit together and don’t quite suck as much as they used to. all of the points this year were scored by only one driver though (except one but we’ll get there). they came in seventh.

alpha tauri. they are the sister team of red bull. so technically redbull owns both teams (meaning they can swap drivers between teams. they like doing this.) they’ve just kind of been There for awhile but they did slay towards the end of the season when one of their drivers led the race for several laps. basically tho, this team is the gateway to redbull. they came in eighth.

alpha romeo. recently renamed to stake f1 team (but sometimes they are going to be called kick sauber. this is a whole other drama post and i’m not getting into it). they’re also just kind of there. generally unproblematic. seems that really great drivers who get ixed out of a contract for a younger driver end up here or young drivers who are in their early years are here before they go to a better team. they ended ninth this year.

haas. oh haas. goofy team. they suck. point blank they suck. they keep loosing sponsors because they suck, they don’t win ever (one time they came first in qualifying last year). they cursed themselves in australia in 2018 by not tightening their tires and its been downhill ever since. they came 10th. their team principle got let go (fired?) who’s to say today.

so those are the teams. it is important to note that:

-there is a cost cap. each team is allowed to spend no more than 135m per year.

-not all cars are equal. some things are standard. they all undergo the same testing. but the cars are all very different. so you can be a good driver but stuck in a shitty car. which makes it impressive if you are doing well in a shitty car.

let’s meet our drivers!!!

starting with the guys who’s contract is not ending in 2024:

max verstappen. 3 time world champion. 26 years old. general beast on the track. he dominated the whole season. he’s currently racing for red bull and has a contract with them through 2028.

lewis hamilton. 7 time world champion. 39 years old. he drives for mercedes. he will not leave mercedes until he retires. he really really wants to win an 8th world championship and is willing to stick it out a few more years as long as merc still believes in him. his contract expires in 2025.

george russell. the other merc driver. 26 years old. hes aggressively british and says thinks like blimey unironically. walking meme. got his merc seat in 2022 right when they entered their flop arc by getting his tractor of a williams to finish second in qualifying in the middle of a rainstorm. his contract expires in 2025.

lando norris. mclaren driver. 24 years old. he has notably never won a race in his five years of formula one (mostly because right when his car finally was good enough max verstappen was 20 seconds ahead of anyone) but he is regarded as Very Good. he has only ever driven for mclaren. and even though there is another year left on his contract there is mass speculation that he will not renew his contract with mclaren after it expires and he may move up to one of the top teams (red bull, merc, ferrari) (tho i think he doesnt hate himself quite enough to go to ferrari). his contract expires in 2025.

oscar piastri. the other mclaren driver. 22 years old. this was his rookie season and he positively slayed. like people compared his rookie season to lewis hamiltons rookie season. he also had the positively funniest start to his rookie year because alpine announced that he would be driving for them (he had been their reserve driver and in the alpine academy) and he posted a tweet that basically said yeah thats false i never singed anything with you and im going to race with mclaren instead (he dodged a bullet) and then alpine tried and failed to sue him for $4m USD. he signed a contract extension with mclaren this year and his contract expires in 2026.

lance stroll. aston martin driver and son of the aston martin owner. hes doing ok, tho there was conspiracy that he wanted to quit and have a tennis career awhile ago. but basically since his dad owns the team it seems that hes guaranteed a seat for as long as he wants one.

so now. moving onto the good shit. the people who have contracts expiring in 2024. hold onto your hats people.

charles leclerc. (everyones favorite slutty little soup can). 26 years old. he is currently at ferrari and he has been since 2019. notably, he was given the longest contract in the history of ferrari after a stellar rookie season at sauber (renamed to alpha romeo, renamed to stake f1) where he got the tractor of a car consistently into the points. having the longest contract in the history of ferrari was a flex at the time, but now its likely how he will introduce himself at therapy sessions. ferrari have fucked this man left right and center up the ass with a plastic lunchroom spork. hes talented, he can drive, and he can drive well. but the strategy that ferrari has absolutely sucks. either something is wrong with the car (see him blowing out his gear box on the formation lap in monaco, his car completely crapping out and spinning into the barrier in brazil before the race even started) or they fuck up his pit stops or put him on the wrong tires and honestly its just frustrating. but will he leave??? likely not. you'd have to pry ferrari out of his cold dead hands and at this rate that might be where this is headed though there has been some minor speculation of him going to another team like merc or red bull, but merc doesnt have any open seats and red bull is a whole other dumpster fire of drama. ferrari are going to have to pay him a boatload of money to make him stay.

carlos sainz. the smooth operator. 29 years old. ferrari driver. previously carlos was at toro rosso (renamed to alpha tauri), renault (renamed to alpine), and mclaren before signing with ferrari. he has been at ferrari since 2021 and has voiced that he would like to stay with them for however long he can. there is speculation that lando might replace him at ferrari (but landos contract is not up until 2025) and there is also some speculation that alex albon might replace him. while charles is clearly the golden boy at ferrari, carlos is slightly slower but also definitely consistent. he was THE ONLY non red bull driver to win a race this past year, in Singapore after max verstappedn was knocked out of qualifying by alpha tauri reserve driver liam lawson (more on him later) and because he basically came up with his own strategy in the car while he was driving.

sergio perez. aka checo. red bull driver. 33 years old. and oh boy here's where we open the can of worms. checo was previously at racing point (renamed aston martin) and it was very near the end of the 2020 (?) season and he was out of a contract. he had a bonkers race where he was knocked to the back of the grid and then overtook everyone and somehow ended up winning (there is more to that story but just trust me) and christian horner, red bull team principle, mr ginger spice and definite disney villain called him and said congrats sir you have a seat at red bull! well. fast forward. hes been causing problems. problems as in crashing a lot, generally not doing great and pissing the crap out of red bull. it is basically guaranteed at this point that he will not be getting a contract extension. there was actually talk this year of him losing his seat mid season to one of the alpha tauri drivers, because remember, red bull owns both teams and they can switch them whenever they want to (and they have!) but ultimately this did not happen. even though checo has a seat at red bull until the end of 2024, its mass speculated that he is going to get switched with an alpha tauri driver, probably daniel ricciardo (more on him shortly) mid season because there is a speculated clause in daniels contract that says that if checo isn't performing well in the first few races daniel is getting his seat.

daniel ricciardo. 34 years old. alpha tauri driver. man oh man what a guy. outside of being the prankster of the paddock, he has one of the most batshit careers of anyone currently on the grid. he started out at red bull and was showing real talent and skill and was on track to win things (and was!) and was there until the end of 2018 when max verstappen (his teammate) started getting preferential treatment and also red bull started having a lot of problems with their engines (which were being outsourced from Renault (now alpine) and another team on the grid) and well very very long story short he made the surprise move of the century and decided to sign with Renault (which makes no sense they're the one with the engine problems) and was there for 2 years before moving again to mclaren where he was reportedly not treated very well and had a hard time driving the car so they mutually ended his contract with them early and he basically retired at the end of the 2022 season and became a red bull reserve driver. then halfway through the 2023 season alpha tauri ixed one of their drivers, nyck de vries, because he wasnt doing well and promoted daniel back up to a full time driver at alpha tauri (which we know is only a step down from red bull) but then he broke his hand in a crash in zanvort (?) and then he was replaced for a few races by formula 2 driver liam lawson (who we will also talk about) and then he came back to finish out the season in alpha tauri after he was cleared. daniel has admitted openly that he never should have left red bull and he was given bad advice to do so. hes towards the end of his career at this point and its well known that he Really Really wants to finish out his career at red bull again. he and max have already been teammates before and they do work well together and daniel is great driver (see his comeback in texas (or maybe it was brazil?) this year). so. Pretty Sure that daniels going to get either an extension at alpha tauri or go up to red bull. thats what we all want. get this man in a red bull we need him there biblically.

liam lawson. now technically liam is not actually a formula 1 driver. hes a formula 2 driver, but he was daniels replacement for five races and there has been some speculation and some confirmed news about him so hes getting included. when he was racing for f1 he was at alpha tauri. hes 21 and looks like he belongs in the movie grease. no one was expecting him to slay in formula 1 and he positively knocked everyones socks off. the scene: Singapore. which, if you'll recall, is the one race that a not red bull driver won. this was largely because liam lawson slayed the absolute game in qualifying. the qualifying part of racing determines what order the cars start in on the grid for the race and theres three parts, the first two parts the bottom 5 drivers each time get knocked out and then the top 10 complete for the last 10 spots. liam lawson knocked BOTH max verstappen and checo perez out of qualifying in the second round by going very slightly faster than them, effectively fucking up red bulls race and allowing carlos to win. and he also scored points in that race, which no one was expecting. now thats all fine and dandy, but here's the speculation: hemlut marko (im pretty sure) (who is somehow decently involved in the decision making at red bull though i couldn't tell you how) said that he thinks that liam lawson will be in an f1 seat no later than 2025. meaning that he will probably get offered a contract this year. and hes already raced for alpha tauri. red bull have sunk a good amount of money into him. they clearly want him. so if he gets offered an alpha tauri seat in 2025, that means theres a good chance danny rics is going to red bull. do you SEE how the plot here is THICKENED

yuki tsunoda. age 23. currently at alpha tauri. and fun fact, the only alpha tauri driver to race there the whole year. he had three separate team mates. he is slaying and hes often slept on. he has a bit of a temper and likes to shout on the radio and also hates working out (they had to force him to move to italy or something to work out, long story) but hes been kinda killing it. he led several laps in the abu dhabi race this year and hes decently consistent. people think theres possibility that he could get moved up to red bull on account of the fact that he is younger than daniel and clearly has more years in him,, but there is also possibility that he might not because red bull like to make stupid decisions. and if he doesnt get moved up to rebel, will he stay with alpha tauri? we don't know.

alex albon. age 27. currently a williams driver. alex albon is another one with a batshit career. he started out his rookie year in 2019 at alpha tauri then got moved up to red bull halfway through the year when red bull decided that pierre gasley wasnt doing a good enough job (more on him later) and stayed with red bull for a solid year and a half until he lost his seat in 2021 to checo. he has been with williams for the last two years and is basically carrying the team. like. williams as a team scored 28 points this year. and alex albon scored 27 of those 28 points. and as we know, williams is still kind of in their shit arc (though they are doing much better. they didnt score any points for a solid 2 (?) years. so this is an improvement.) and if you can get a shit car to perform you catch the eye of bigger teams. now, alex has already been a red bull driver. and he was on the cusp of podiuming two separate times when lewis hamilton ran into him. this (among a few other things) basically killed his chances at getting resigned at red bull because he wasnt ""performing"" and red bull are bitches who love to win. but some people think that red bull should give him another shot. like daniel, hes already been max's teammate and he can definitely drive. but theres also talk he might go to ferrari because ferrari think that he might compliment charles's driving style (or something). but going to ferrari at this point is kind of suicide. so.

logan sergeant. age 23. the only american on the grid. the other williams driver. he just finished his rookie year. he scored a grand total of one single point this season, in texas, and it was because charles leclerc and lewis hamilton both got disqualified because the floor of their car had more wear (by literally less than millimeters) than it was allowed to, bumping him up from 12th to 10th. he has never done better than alex albon. he was also the very last driver to get a contract for 2024, with williams waiting until i think december of 2023 to announce his contract extension. clearly, hes on thin ice. but people have also said that he needs time to get used to formula 1 (other people have pointed out that oscar piastri slayed his rookie season this year and this statement about needing time is largely false). where logan ends up next year though will largely depend on how well the 2024 season goes for him.

fernando alonso. 42 years old. many people like to point out that oscar piastri is actually younger than fernando's racing career. he won tiktok creator of the year (somehow) and is also a 2 time world champion. he retired a few years ago, just to show back up again and slay. during the first half of the season when aston martin had a zoom zoom car he killed it, and then they had problems on top of problems and he didnt do well. except for that one race in brazil where he came in third, beating checo by literally .05 seconds. he hasn't really made any hints about retiring a second time and he is kind of carrying aston Martin right now (he scored 205 points this season, coming in 4th and tying in points with charles leclerc, lance stroll only scored 74 points this year.) and they did have their best year yet this year. (though they are relatively new).

pierre gasley. 27 years old. french. drives for alpine. the french team. previously he raced with toro rosso (now alpha tauri), then got promoted to a red bull driver in 2019, then halfway through the season they decided he wasnt doing a good enough job and he got demoted back down to alpha tauri. then he won a race with alpha tauri just to stick it to red bull. after the great oscar piastri contract twitter war, he was signed as alpines second driver, with Esteban ocon being the other driver (more on him soon). estie bestie and pierre (both french) were childhood friends and now hate each other for unknown reasons and basically feuded on the track for most of the season. french civil war at alpine. he scored 62 points in 2023 and came in 11th. not really sure where he will end up, it is possible that he will stick it out at alpine.

esteban ocon. 27 years old. also french. currently driving for alpine. another one with a silly bonkers career. he started out at force india and had a baller few seasons there but his teammate at the time was checo, and checo didnt really cooperate with him too much and caused some drama that cost estie bestie some places and some points. max verstappen also beat him up in the garage once. thats not really relevant but it did happen. anyway, after the owner of force india was arrested for .... i don't remember what maybe it was embezzlement or bankruptcy or something money related, the team was backed by lawrence stroll and became racing point. but all of that happened mid season and lawrence was basically like look ill back you guys for now but next year my son gets a seat (lance) so one of you two (checo and estie bestie) have to go. and ultimately they let estie bestie go even though he was more consistent because checo had more sponsors and they needed money. so he was out of formula 1 for a few years (but was a merc reserve driver) and then went to Renault, which then became alpine. he did come in 12th though overall this season, just behind pierre. so. will alpine keep both him and pierre and keep the civil war going? whos to say.

nico hulkenberg. 36 years old. haas driver. in his 200+ f1 races he has never been on the podium and he really really wants to be on the podium. unfortunately this will never happen in a haas because haas fucking sucks. and everyone knows it. he is getting towards the end of his career though. though! stake f1 will become the mario Andretti and audi team in 2026 (don't question it) and they have supposedly voiced interest in nico. so we will see if he hangs on that long to end up at audi. for now tough, hes definitely hating it at haas. though, haas are going to have a different team principle next year so maybe that will change things. i have a sneaky feeling through that haas will probably end up with another 2 rookie drivers because everyone else is smart enough to not race for them.

kevin magnussen. 31 years old. haas driver. hes another deeply interesting character. he has had one podium. in his rookie season. in his first race. and none since. kevin started at haas in 2017 and then left at then end of 2020 when he basically got kicked off because the team needed money and they wanted to bring in drivers with more sponsorships. these drivers were mick schumacher and nikita mazepin. so kevin basically was forced to retire after the 2020 season. this went decently well for haas. until russia invaded ukraine right before the start of the 2022 season and, well, nikita was Russian and it was never distinctly proven that his dads company (who was sponsoring the team) wasnt also funding the invasion. so nikita got fired and they were literally like 2 weeks out from the start of the season, down a driver. who are you gonna call? kevin magnussen! and hes been back ever since. but hes clearly getting annoyed with haas. there was one great clip from this year where his car caught on fire and he kind of just stared into to, clearly hoping it would burn for a long time. so the likelihood of him extending his contract is looking slim.

valtteri bottas. 34 years old. currently a driver for stake f1 (alpha romeo, kick sauber, whatever you wanna call it). previously, he was a mercedes driver and notoriously helped lewis hamilton win a great many championships, until he lost his seat to george russell in 2022. there was a rather awkward part of the 2021 season where valtteri knew that he was out of a merc seat the following year and kind of just chose violence. he slayed. then he went to alpha romeo, grew a mullet and made a calendar of his ass. quite the glow up if you ask me. hes also very interested in cycling. honestly though, i have my own personal speculation that hes going to retire at the end of this year.

zhou guanyu. 24 years old. driver for stake f1 (alpha romeo/kick sauber, etc etc). hes doing alright. he just finished his second season, in his first season he was majorly out qualified by valtteri but this past season he managed to out qualify him a good 6 times. which is decently good for the tractor of a car hes driving. its possible that he could get a contract extension, but like logan, its probably going to depend on how the 2024 season goes for him.

and thats all the drivers. theres also a few others i didnt talk about, like some other f2 drivers who want seats and mick schumacher, who is currently a merc reserve driver, all of which could be contenders for f1 seats. but one things for sure. this is going to be the silliest fucking silly season.

feel free to add on and peer review me

[choptop-sawyer]

Hi again 😎💫 im here to dig at ur brain again bcs i. M. Aaa sorry i just love ur stuff but. I have this kinda rly specific storyline type hc area and I'd love to hear any hcs you might get from it if its at all jr thing. But um I keep sometimes thinking back to the idea of kinda, vaguely growing up in the same area as the Sawyers, being childhood friends (and being stupid 2gether, running arount the countryside, ditching school & playing in corn fields) -

But then having to leave in your late teens to school / whatever (I mean 😎 my sappy ass also thinks abt mutual pining w Bobby but you know...... nearly unrelated.......)

Then, later on (Bobbys now Chop Top, Nubbins is..... dead I guess but also >:( maybe not, the family is up to being a mess etc) returning to town to take a break from work or whatever. N meeting up w the family again, i mean, oblivious to the bullshit they get up to but.... yk

This is a bit rambly i should probs have waited to sleep but I can't get the thought of returning to the Sawyer door wearing Bobbys tie dye sweatshirt that hr borrowed u years ago and all the impact of being a former family member bc u were also kind of an outsider or whatever but also the drama of leaving so uwu sksjd

This got so long. All i wanted to ask is: sawyer family headcanons for a childhood friend returning to town after being away for years. Rip.

THANK YOU FOR SENDING THIS god I love the image too of just standing in the doorway,, you're not home, you've changed a little bit, but you still fit into some of the old aspects you know so well they fit you and cover you.

Actually this is great because that fic that I swear exists has pretty much the same premise but!!! I can make this one less tragic than that one. 😎

(This is mostly Chop Top n you centric please don't mind)

Also this timeline is all fucky. I think that as soon as Chop came home from Vietnam the Sawyers had basically uprooted themselves and were living in North Texas because of the... Hardesty incident. But like can we pretend that that never happened they r still there in Newt? Just for this. (Hope you like it!)

Chop Top's Childhood Friend Returns

You don't think you would have turned out the way you did without the Sawyers.

They were the main element of your childhood, a mystery that you had to be a part of. A mystery, because they were closed off. Mistrustful. The sickness of small towns carried to the extreme, because they were mostly alone. The loneliness made them more miserable, the misery made them more isolated. A cycle, a legacy.

So it was a a miracle that you were even allowed to be apart of some of it, but you attribute that miracle to Bobby.

He seemed to think you were as much of mystery as what you thought the Sawyers were. Two kids looking through a small window into another world. But he liked that. He liked that you were something different, something new. From beyond that small world of loneliness that lived in the house.

You learned quickly that he had a desire for anything beyond that world. So he'd invite you out with him, when you were kids, to run free in the tall grass, when you got older, to drive with him to places unknown. He had a knack for finding these odd places, and he always brought you along with the music cranked up loud on the radio.

Bobby told you many times that he wanted to see the world. He had this lust for life that went beyond the restlessness of the young. He also said that he wanted to bring you along with him when he saw the world. You didn't ever mention how that always made your heart skip a beat when he said that.

Maybe you should have. But the past is the past and you can't change that.

You knew the other Sawyers too, but Bobby tended to avoid them sometimes. But occasionally, you got to hang out with them.

Nubbins was an enigma. You didn't think Nubbins was his real name. But that's the only one you heard from him, but the name situation was the least confusing thing. He was the most open person you knew. And yet you couldn't understand him, and decided at some point that you wouldn't ever. But he was fun. His energy was infectious, if he was filled with joy, you couldn't help but laugh with him too. That was Nubbins, so absent of any purposeful deceit that he was almost a mirror, you saw yourself around him, sometimes it was uncomfortable, but other times it was fun.

Bubba was the opposite. He seemed to be legitimately wary of you. Bobby once told you that Bubba didn't like to leave the house, ever. He stayed and did the chores. You wondered if he minded, being stuck with all the chores but Bobby said he didn't. It was comforting for him. Always having something set to do. You only saw him once. Nubbins had made him tag along when he needed him to hang some things from a tree. Bones from indeterminate animals, a clock with a nail through it. You don't think Nubbins actually needed Bubba to reach the branches (he climbed pretty well) but he just wanted his little brother to see his work. Bubba didn't make eye contact with you the entire time. He was wholly focused on his task of helping Nubbins. But he was gentle when he helped his brother, careful, and for that you liked him.

Drayton was... well. He was the one Bobby argued with the most. He was his brother, but with how much age between the two, it was almost hard to believe sometimes. Drayton was the one that everybody in Newt knew the most. People liked him well enough, but they said he was odd behind his back. He knew that. You don't think he trusted anything outside the insular world he and his family had existed in for years, and was at odds with Bobby because he didn't get why Bobby wanted anything to do with the world outside.

Oftentimes you would see Bobby after he and Drayton got into it. He'd be fuming, but he'd smile when he saw you. You'd leave with him whenever he came to you. These adventures were the most fun you had when you were there.

The other times you'd go off were when he'd convince you to skip school. Bobby never went himself. He didn't get the idea of all those kids sitting in classrooms for hours, doing nothing but writing and listening. Why do that when you can find things out for yourself? Get into some trouble? In his mind, he was saving you from a very boring thing.

You two knew the area around Newt well. The fields and the flat expanses were the best kind of playground. Your dreams were still set in them. A kind of sunshine filled melancholy.

Bobby told you things in the grass. His dreams yes, but his own thoughts. On music, on late night radio, on movies, on you. He perhaps thought of you as wonderful as voices on the radio, stars on the screen. He never told you that though. But your name was never far from his mouth when Bobby talked about the things he loved.

You and him loved each other as much as two kids who didn't know how to could. He was always on your mind now, with not much tangible objects to remember him with. A photograph taken by Nubbins, your faces blurred because you were laughing. A button, the pin on the back bent. A sweatshirt, which he tie dyed himself, and gave to you one night. The colors were faded. You never did get to return it.

The years away did nothing to lessen thoughts of him. No, they just blurred all together now, and the stream of the sunshine filled melancholy was almost endless. You needed a break. There was only one place you could think of that could help you with that.

So you came back. All things led back to this place eventually. Newt was dying, or dead. Didn't you see somewhere that when a ship went down, it took everything with it? You didn't want to stay for long. But you had to see all of them, you had to know that they were all not these strange figures you had dreamt up.

You went right to the house. You'd never actually been allowed inside, Bobby just always said something along the lines of 'Grandma and Grandpa are napping upstairs' or 'there's a mess' (never mind that he could care less usually about messes.) But you figured he had had a good reason. Maybe he was embarrassed.

When you knocked on the door, your heart was pounding. And that was all. Nothing happened, no indication that anyone was there. You waited, the sweatshirt was too hot but you didn't want to take it off.

Maybe you should come back another time. You were just about to turn around and leave when the door burst open, almost whacking you in the face. And there (you couldn't believe your eyes you couldn't this was a dream) he was.

Bobby had a hammer raised over his head, grinning, he was poised to swing it down, but then he saw you and he felt as if he was in a dream too.

It's been so long. He thought he made you up, a dream to carry him through misery, and you looked the part, even as you stood before him on the doorway. The light of the setting sun shone behind you, heat waves shimmered in the dusk, and you... you.

Facing each other, you stood, just staring. Over head the sky grew colorful, in the fields the grass whispered in the wind. Nothing had changed. Everything had changed. Bobby dropped the hammer and grabbed for your face, and he held it, fingers digging in so tight it hurt.

"H-hey you." He said, and fell to his knees, releasing your face. You numbly touched the marks his fingers left. Bobby still looked like a man who had seen a ghost.

You called his name, and his eyes looked lost, like he hadn't heard it in a long time. He looked up at you, and you could really get a good look at him. His face was leaner, he looked sickly and wiry, but his eyes were just as you remembered. You sank down to the porch to sit with him.

"Fuck... FUCK I didn't... I- I thought ya'd forgotten all about me... uh.. uhm. Fuck! I mean, r-really! Turnin' up out of the blue like you're some kinda... ghost or whatever... WHOA man... like, ya here to return m-my, my sweatshirt? You're wearin' it, you can keep it! You look better in it anyway... heh, fuck." He rambled on and on, hands tensing and twitching as if they were moving to touch you again, just to reaffirm your existence. Did he know how glad you were to see him? Did he know that you hadn't felt right for the longest time being away?

You forgot all about the sweatshirt, the hammer he had raised with a sadistic grin. You reached out and held one of his twitching hands, and he stilled and stopped talking. There was a peace now.

It didn't seem possible for your heart to feel this full. But it was. And by god, if this wasn't the best decision you made in your life to visit your old hometown, if only just for this moment.

Bobby stood, with your hand still in his, pulling you up. He smiled at you, and you knew you still loved him, and in your deepest heart, you knew he loved you too.

But this time around, maybe you and him could love each other right.

[argumentl]

The Freedom of Expression - Episode 34  'Straight face challenge' at amusement park is very popular.

K: Hi, this is Dir en grey's Kaoru, with this week's episode of The Freedom of Expression. Joe san, Tasai san, welcome. We're kinda seated diagonally today.

J: Yeah.

T: It looks different.

K: Its kinda hard to see your faces when we are seated side-by-side.

J, T: Ah, ok.

K: And we've put these things here.

J: Yeh, these acrylic panels.

K: There isn't much meaning to these things if we are side-by-side, right?

J: Ah, yeh.

K: We were always turning sideways, so this is more appropriate.

J: Yeh, we are being more thorough with our counter-measures, with excellent visability.

K: So, we'll see how it goes today. Um, Hanshin are already finished. *T laughs*

J: But second place is second place, right?

K: At the moment..

T: Yeah.

J: So in the remaining 20-something games, there is a twelve game difference?

K: Yeah.

J: At this point in time?

T: Its a really big difference.

J: There's no way they can turn this round?

K: ...Its probably impossible, yeh. haha

J: Does this mean they won't be moving around in the top three?

K: Won't they?

T: They won't. Not in the Central league. Maybe  in the Pacific league.

K: Oh yeh, the Pacific league!

J: So from now on if the Giants go on like this to get first place, Hanshin will go on to be second?

K: Well, yeah. But, actually, if there is this much of a difference, and then they go on to win their final game, it will be a bit unfortunate..

J: Yeh, that would be awkward.

T: So, I've brought you two something...I had these Koshien masks bought for you.

J: Really?!

T: Yeh

K: You went to Koshien?

T: I asked our Hanshin reporter to get them, so here you are, for you both. They are both different. Home or visitor colours.

J: Oh, Kaoru is already choosing his favourite. Kaoru, you have them both.

K: No, no, I'll choose home.

J, T: Hahaha.

K: Is this ok? Thank you so much.

T: I thought this might raise the mood one last time.

J: Thats it?! No more after this?

K: Ahh, it would be tough.

J: Really?

K: Yeah. I hope...Well, if the Giants don't lose, its impossible. The Giants probably won't lose.

J: It would only be possible if the Giants lost every game from now, and Hanshin lost none?

K: Yeh, they'd have to keep winning. On top of that, they're kinda running out of players.

J: Really?

T: Some of them have caught the virus.

J: Ohh, they caught the virus?

T: There was a group of 8 eating together.

J: Ah, i see!

T: They lost quite a bit of their main force.

K: Yeh, and then they panicked and moved a few players up from the second team.

J: Like these people will come up from the second team, and try to grab the limelight at last?

K: But actually, Fujikawa is throwing in the second team. So there's a chance he might get moved up.

J: Its a possibility, right? Well, lets pray for a miracle at the end.

T: Yeah.

J: But its technically still not impossible, right?

K: Its not impossible.

J: If they kept winning, and the Giants kept losing.

Kami: Um...um...We get it.

J, T, K: Hahaha

Kami: Lets move on already.

J: Ah, you've had enough?

Kami: Yeh, Im just helping you along.

J: Haha, are you? Thank you.

Kami: Cause its impossible.

K: haha

T: Okay, lets move on.

K: Okay, today..

J: Its like 'ding diiing'..

K:...What?

J: Oh, its ok. Nevermind. haha. I've gone a bit funny recently.

K: Ok, Joe, please tell us the theme.

J: Yep! Ok, this is today's story. 'Screaming banned at amusement parks "Straight face challenge" is very popular '. In order to prevent the spread of coronavirus,  parks are asking visitors to refrain from using loud voices or screaming, while using their ingenuity to create fun at the same time. A piece of footage showing people on a roller coaster keeping a straight face has been an unprecedented hit, and another park is using masks as decorations to lighten the mood. 'We are asking visitors to refrain from using loud voices, but have recieved feedback such as, "That would be tough!", or, "Impossible", so the two of us park owners got together and made this exampe video'. The footage shows them enjoying the 70 meter drop, at 130km p/h adjusting threir masks in the front row of the ride car. The 4 min video has even become popular overseas, with over 700,000 views. In May, the Eastern Japan and Western Japan amusement park associations put together some corona prevention guidelines. 'Because there is the worry of droplets spreading when using loud voices, we are encouraging visitors not to shout while riding the thrill rides. In order to created compatibility between operating the park, and preventing the spread of the virus, more strict measures are needed on top of mask wearing and temperature checking.' The slogan 'Scream in your heart' is being used as PR for attractions like roller coasters and the House of Horrors. 'Straight face challenge' has become a hit on social media, with people copying the video of the two guys in a roller coaster, and there has actually been a decrease in the amount of screaming. Furthermore, since July, the park 'Greenland' in Kumamoto, which has ten types of rollercoaster, has been giving visitors stickers in the shape of screaming mouths. They stick them on their masks to get the feeling as if they are screaming. This idea was in response to the comment, 'its not an amusement park if you can't scream'. So, this is quite challenging, right?

K: Its impossible!

J: Right?!

K: A scream will escape anyway, right?

J: Yeh, its called a 'scream machine' cause it makes you scream! (*scream machine = thrill ride in Japanese*). So if you don't scream, its not a scream machine, right?

K: Yeh, im not sure about this. And that thing with the masks at the end..you can't even see it, haha.

J: Haha, yeh, its like just to get into that mood.

K: Really? haha. But you'll scream anyway  right?

J: You do, don't you, Kaoru?

K: Well, I've only been on them a few times.

J: What were you like? Like, 'Yaggghhh!!' ? Or like, 'Urrrghh!'?

K: Yeh, that one.

J: 'Urrghh!'?

K: Yeh, with my eyes shut tight...basically.

J, T: Hahaha.

K: Even just with the wind pressure and the swerving...it gets bad.

J, T: Hahaha

K: I do open my eyes a tiny bit if I want to see what its actually like.

J: Just for a moment?

K: Yeh.

J: Well, this shows that the amusement parks are trying hard, so that people can still come and enjoy the rides.

K: But they will definitely scream though, won't they?

J: Well, there will be people who do.

K: But if you are going at that speed, what happens to the droplets...?

J: They will fly away!

T: Yeh.

K: If there is some sat behind you with their mouth open like this...(*leans to the side with his mouth wide open*)....then....

J, T: Hahaha

K:...it might go in, but..

J: I get the feeling the virus won't go in your mouth if you are wearing a mask and going at that speed. But, yeh, if you're sat there will your mouth wide open, then maybe. haha. Is there really anyone like that?

K: I don't think there's much you can do about it.

J: I wonder what Kami thinks about it?

Kami: Its like Yoshimoto. Yoshimoto Shinkigeki (*comedy tv show*).

J: What?

Kami: Its kinda like Yoshimoto Shinkigeki.

J, K, T: Hahaha.

J: Ah, but if you see this from the outside, it looks like comedy. I think they made this video in all seriousness, but if you look at it from a bit further back, it looks like a joke, and we don't know when covid will start to disappear, but when we look back at this, it will seem quite funny I think.

K: Yeah.

J: But this thing of both owners not screaming, does that mean the ride is not actually that scary?

T: I see. Thats one way to look at it.

J: Its tricky. The selling point for these rides is that they make you scream, so if you are able to get on it and not scream, doesn't that mean its not very scary? Its difficult to figure out.

Kami: I like that title though, 'Straight face challenge'. Its good isn't it?

T: You could do the straight face challenge with all sorts of things, right?

J: Ahh, yeh. For example?

T: Like when watching movies, or soccer or baseball...

J: Ah, I see. You could watch a horror movie and try not to look scared, or a comedy movie and try not to laugh etc.

Kami: Its more fun when you are not allowed to do it, right?

J: Yeh yeh yeh.

Kami: You get more of a thrill out of it if you are told you are not supposed to do it.

J, K, T: Yeh.

K: Joe, you should try this.

J: Hahaha. I would probably scream straight away, like 'Yaaaaaghh!!'

K: Haha

J: Like we just talked, lets ask for some ideas for an easy straight face challenge we could try, not from Tasai, but from the viewers.

T: I see.

J: I mean, we could get on a rollercoster, but that might take a long time. If there's anything more simple we could do...

T: Like 'Electric shock straight face challenge'..

K: Electric shock?? Wow, he started off with the easy stuff, then straight to electric shocks. In that case maybe a rollercoaster is better, haha. *1

T: Yep, Electric shock straight face challenge..

J: I think it would it work though. It would work,  right? Us getting on a rollercoaster.

K: It wouldn't work, haha.

Kami: A straight face challenge at a concert would be good though, wouldn't it?

J: Yeah.

Kami: If you said, 'No using your voice', someone is bound to, right? Or maybe not?

J: It wouldn't work at a Dir en grey concert though, would it? Even if you said that, they would start screaming at the first song.

K: Well, its like that at lives.

J: Yeah.

Kami: I guess Dir en grey can't do that, yeh. Like, when conveying those kind of lyrics..wouldn't it be tough? If you said, 'No speaking or shouting, and keep a straight face'.  Even of you kept a straight face, it would seem like a joke.

K: Hmm, they'd just be watching only, right? The feeling of taking part would fade away.

J: It would, it would....Well, rollercoaster 'straight face challenge'!....?

K: Will you do it?

J: Lets do it!

K: No, no, we can't..

J: Ok, lets do tickling!

K: Ok, we'll do it now (*reaches hands out to Joe*)

J: No, haha. I already laughed!

K: Hahaha

T: It takes more strength to not scream.

K: Isn't there anything else we could do? For a straight face challenge?

J: How about eating spicy food?

K: Wasn't there something with mustard or something on it before?

J: There was! That was in Osaka. I got it on my face, and sneezed, like 'heeeh!!'.

K: Hahaha

T: Wow, haha.

Kami: Um, how easy is it to make individual expressions, amidst these restrictions? *2 Can you do it?

K: Oh, you're talking about lives?

Kami: Yeh.

K: Well, im not sure..We've never done it. Well, we've done a no-audience live, but otherwise, Im not sure. Normal conditions are best.

Kami: From the audience's perspective, it would fill their heads with all sorts of things, right? Like, 'Can't I use my voice?' or, 'Can I stand up?' ..

T: They have a lot of extra things to think about.

J: But basically, if you go on a rollercoaster, or to a live show or a comedy show, the whole point is releasing your emotion, isn't it? And in a situation where you can't do that...Well, they're trying to appeal to people to get on the rollercoaster and try hard not to scream, but the basic purpose of this ride is to make people scream, so this kind of contradiction just looks funny from any angle. And if you look at it from further back, like Kami said, it is just like comedy. So its quite a difficult to idea to express. It somehow just ends up looking like a joke no matter what. If you don't add any further magic ingredient to it, your original message won't get across.

K: It gives people more to think about.

J: Yes.

K: The inner workings of it. But I think you can still enjoy it at an amusement park.

J, T: Yeah.

T: As entertainment.

J: Thats why, at lives...

K: Yeh...it would be a bit...

J: You can't make it into comedy, right?

K: Well, yeh, in our case.

J: Its very difficult.

K: Well, this was a conversation bringing forth various problems.

J: Yes.

K: Ok, well, lets end here for this week. Please subscribe. Thank you very much.

*1 Think this is what he said here, he was speaking very fast.

*2 Think im missing some meaning here.

[thegradus2]

Well if you want me to keep going outside of tags ill gladly obige bc boy do i have so many THOUGHTS. These bitches are gonna be stuck on a space ship together for however long theres so much that can happen like for example:

- idk the character from miracle nikki obvs but what youve laid down is already so interesting bc im just imagining these 2 otherworldy beings (even if theyre human theyre still otherworldly ig xD) explaining what the deal is and suddenly the Trash Nobel cale henituse pipes asking actually useful questions like “is the culture different than ours?” And “do they speak the same language as us or do we have to learn a new one?”

- cale is mia for like three days, making the henituse worry frantically, before he shows up with aforementioned documents, books, pie-charts, graphs etc etc on the population, culture, language, etc. cale thinks its the most normal thing in the world and he tries to lock himself in his assigned room to work on it further. He is very surprised to find people not avoiding his existence

- eric is tasked with finding out what the fuck. Cale is like “its very simple really” and then rants for about 2 hours about how to do population analysis and what hes found earth is like “i mean i managed to do it when i was 8, its just that now im doing it based off actual numbers instead of novels and gossip” “what do you mean. Cale henituse, WHAT DO YOU MEAN.”

- alongside with finding a bunch of music, cale finds out abt earth fashion after a week and he tries out a different of clothing style every day: rocker chique, old money, new money, preppy, dark academia etc etc (“cale what… what are you wearing” “on earth they call this fashion aestheric ‘bratzcore’ and its very ‘trendy’. Apparently they show a lot more skin in south korea than in roan.”)

- cale likes carly rae jepsen

- i think the trash cale suddenly mellowing out and actually being friendly with the new people would freak people out. Lily takes it as a chance for her to get closer to cale herself, but basen is initially too shy and hes very jealous of aeon and marina. Cale is still under the impression that people dont like him (his trash act was superb after all) so hes very surprised when suddenly his siblings wanna hang out a bunch

- also idk if people can die on this ship but im sure that at some point people would try to kill eachother (cough, venion, cough). Cue murder mystery, cale solving it way too quickly and alver wanting cale to work for him rlly rlly badly (ive made another post sorr of like this but rehashing plots is my specialty LMAO)

- cale finds out about the earth hobby ‘bedrotting’ and is absolutely delighted. Eric and his family are incredibly worried that hes suddenly staying in bed all day and just looking at the ceiling after being active with his earth research for ~2 months. They think he is depressed. He isnt and has everything under control. (Hes totally depressed 💀)

- cale eventually decides to work with alver bc he thinks alver would be the best person to introduce their worlds’ population to the earth population when they arrive. They work on immigration plans together, like planning out housing matters, making korean language courses (especially for all the kids, no matter what class they were originally from), culture courses, actually maybe they just make a whole curriculum for people to distribute and learn. When alver asks how much korean cale knows, cale can already write whole sentences. Alver doesnt know why hes surprised at this point

- maybe some slowburn ogalbecale after they find they work together so well and them spending time together ;0

- Eric: “cale, this is an intervention. You made a whole personality for yourself, and youve insinuated that your alcoholism and anger issues were from a similarly crafted persona. Talk to us!” Cale: “I dont see the problem?? My friend alver over here has been doing the exact same thing so it cant be *that* concerning” Tasha: “…alver, this is an intervention-“

- concensus: YOU IDIOTS YOU CAN JUST BE YOURSELVES STOP TRYING TO ALTER YOURSELVES SO PEOPLE WILL PERCEIVE YOU A DIFFERENT WAY THATS MENTAL ILLNESS BEHAVIOR. ESPECIALLY YOU CALE GOD SO HELP ME…

- i have no idea if this would be bad worldbuilding but idc i had this thought where maybe even tho obvs their status doesnt mean much anymore (at most its just leftover social customs staying in place somewhat) everyone gets their own credit card with rhe amouny of money they had in their og world digitalized. The henituse go from completely neutral to the most powerful family (bc they have the most money). The crossmans also have a lot of money but alver knows his family is gonna have issues w him so hes extra relieved to have connections with cale

Ngl, the Ark of Miracle Nikki sounds like the perfect way to get characters transmigrate from a world to other.

I mean, imagine most people from TBOAH getting suddenly teleported into a massive (techno? magic? fashion inspiration fueled?) flying ship, which can travel through the space-time, because "your world is doomed because of an asshole. We're so sorry. Please feel free to use the facilities and rest until we arrive to your new home".

Besides, I would really like to have og!Cale befriend Aeon and Marina. They would get along, specially having in count that "new world" means their nobility is nothing. He wouldn't need to hide himself and they aren't from his world, so no precoinceived ideas.

Besides, Marina is a kid. Og!Cale would look at this cheerful lively kid and wouldn't be able to hold back his big brother instincts. "She's a lot like Lily when she was a toddler", he probably would think. (Because, yes, I headcanon that og!Cale spent a lot of time with Lily when no one was around and she was still "too young to remember". Lily isn't sure whether she dreamed it all or not)

And imagine Aeon introducing modern music to og!Cale. Og!Cale, who may had learned music when he was a kid (classic noble kid activity), liking many of these various styles of music, all so different from the elegant ones the noble likes and the vivid ones he heard at the streets and bars. Then Marina telling him that Aeon also writes songs, but warning him not to listen them in a way too serious tone (she's such a gremlin).

And between all that you still have the tboah characters aclimatizing to the idea of a new world, fixing relationships, and planning what to do now that their status mean shit (poor royal family. Ha.)

Just a transmigration story where the characters have time to talk with their family and adjust before being send to other world.

Maybe the world they're going to is the Soo's Earth. One that is on its way to recovery, but has way less population than before.

[onthepageoftears]

Hold Them Closer ~ Ch.10 [Jaskier x assassin!reader] || Witcher

A/N: hello all! I’ve been a bit busy with school, so im going to try my absolute best to stay on schedule with these chapters. there are only a couple chapters left (gasp) but I just thought id put a warning here that I might be a day late posting etc. also, this is pretty much a filler/goofy chapter, but still I hope yall enjoy!

Your kind words and reviews mean a lot to me, so please don’t afraid to leave a message/comment!

Summary: The past is not something you can truly escape from.

Warnings: mentions of killing/death/murder/blood, some fighting, slight gore, language, violence, memoriessss

Words: 2,112

Please Don’t Plagiarize My Work!

The fire crackled gently in the cave, its embers floating up until they disappeared in the darkness. The four of you sat around the fire, Theodora aimlessly throwing in stick after stick to keep it going. She was quiet now that you were all sitting in the nighttime, and you wondered what was going through her head.

Your thoughts were interrupted by Jaskier’s low voice next to you. “I cannot be-lieve this kid just willingly came to a monster’s nest.”

You looked over at Theodora, making sure she couldn’t hear you. When she didn’t make any sort of comment, you leaned into Jaskier’s side to lowly whisper, “At least she’s safe.”

“Yeah, after she threw herself into danger.”

You raised your eyebrows, slight amusement crossing your features. Jaskier pouted at the fire in front of you, his brows furrowed in irritation. “Why are you so on edge? She’s just a kid.”

He turned to you with a sigh, “Exactly.”

It was then that you realized Jaskier was, in the simplest terms, worried. Obviously, you all were — having to go find a kid at a monster’s nest wasn’t something you wanted to do every day, much less not knowing what you would find when you got there. Though Theodora was pretty well trained, she was still young. Digging a grave was hard enough, but a small grave was, well, awful.

This worry wasn’t unfamiliar with Jaskier — you remembered how he acted with Lilla, the little girl you all saved from bandits not long ago. Theodora was completely different, of course; where Lilla practically latched onto you and Jaskier, Theodora made sure to stay several feet away — and brandish her sword while doing it. Perhaps that was why he worried so much: people who held a strong exterior often were much weaker inside.

You huffed, pulling one of your knives out and tracing the edge delicately with your finger, “Kids do stupid things. I’d’ve done the same.”

Within a millisecond, Jaskier’s attention shifted, his worry turning to curiosity. “Oh, do tell.”

You shifted uncomfortably under his strong gaze. “What is there to tell?”

Jaskier’s guffaw had now gained the attention of both Geralt and Theodora. You glared at him for making a big show, but still, you smirked. He placed himself purposefully on the ground just slightly in front of you, his eyes sparkling despite the darkness.

“You cannot tell me as a trained killer and adventurer, you have no stories of rebellious youth.”

“You’re an assassin?” Theodora’s emphasis on the word ‘assassin’ threw you off.

You blinked, shaking off the feeling while straightening your posture. Pointedly ignoring Theodora’s question, you spoke, “Okay. What kind of story would you like to hear?”

“Something wreaking of blood, sweat, and action.” Jaskier waved his hand in the air. “So…a bedtime story for young Theodora will do.”

“That’s Theo to you.”

“Okay.” You took a deep breath in, ignoring the way Theo glared at Jaskier’s back while you searched your memories for a good story. You smiled when the perfect one came to mind. “I was around thirteen, I think. It was winter, so me and my uncle were staying in the city to try and scrounge up some work. We moved around a lot otherwise, but he wanted to make his mark on the guilds there.”

You shuddered at the memory, Rauf’s many dealings running through your mind. You quickly pushed them away, instead remembering someone else from your recent past. “My friend — Joneta, who I only saw once in a while — she was in the same city as us. Whenever we were together, it was inevitable that we’d get into trouble. Stealing, pranks, mixes of the sort. But nothing that I’d do now, of course.” You looked pointedly at Theo, who rolled her eyes.

“We were sitting around at one of the guilds, bored out of our minds. Joneta suddenly stood up, saying we should go to the notice board and find a small job, something that could get us enough coin for some stupid card at the market.”

Jaskier nodded, “Gwent. Classic.”

Theo glared at the bard, “Will you shush.”

“Children, please. I’m telling a story.” You ignored the glares and closed your eyes, letting the memory overtake you.

Joneta’s grin was mischievous. Whenever she got that look — the look that always preceded the two of you getting in loads of trouble — a fluttery feeling rose in your chest. Even though you knew it meant no good, the chase for adrenaline and action always enticed you — especially in winter when you had nothing else to do.

You squinted at the girl in front of you,“What kind of job will we take?”

“The little ones never give enough coin. We have to do something risky. Something dangerous.”  

Your stomach did a flip. You knew if Rauf found out the two of you were going to do something stupid, he’d have your head. But you also knew that he would rather you be doing the said stupid thing safely.

So, you nodded your head at Joneta, silently standing up and gesturing for her to follow you. Because if you were going to take a dangerous job, you would need the proper weapons to do it. And getting those weapons was a risk on its own.

“You stole weapons from the guild?” Jaskier asked, bringing you back to reality.

You shook your head, a small smirk forming on your lips. “I took them from Rauf.”

Theo scrunched her nose in confusion, “Who is Rauf?”

“The uncle.” Geralt added, his voice surprising you. You honestly hadn’t realized he had been listening, and listening so intently. His elbows were resting on his knees as he leaned forward slightly. He played it off by throwing another stick in the fire, but you knew his interest had been peaked.

Jaskier clicked his tongue from in front of you, drawing your attention back to him. “You’re telling me you stole weapons from your uncle to go take a job that could very easily get you killed?”

“Yes, exactly that.” You tilted your head, “May I continue?”

“Please.”

“Thank you.” You cleared your throat, for once reveling in the attention the group was giving you. “Now, where was I…right. I stole Rauf’s knives.”

It was a miracle that you made it out of the guild without getting caught. Rauf was in some sort of meeting, and no one seemed to pay mind to the two little kids scampering around unsupervised. You and Joneta even snuck past the gate’s guard while he talked to a fellow assassin. It was way too easy, and you knew that Joneta would want an even more dangerous job just because of that.

The notice board of the city wasn’t far. By the time you got there, snow began to fall, leaving you and Joneta shivering in your spots. But still, you both searched the board for something good.

“There!” Joneta pointed before snatching a flier off the board. “‘Drowner stuck in ice near the river. Hefty reward for its head.’”

“Sounds good to me,” you said, the adrenaline warming your frostbitten skin.

The two of you ran through the streets towards the river, your determination making people jump out of the way. The area near the river was quiet, probably because of the rumored drowner nearby.

You and Joneta stopped at the edge of the bridge, eyes searching the ice cold water.

“We need to get a better look,” Joneta said, running over to the staircase that led to a platform closer to the water.

“I don’t like this.” Jaskier sighed, immediately being cut off by Theo’s groan.

“Then don’t listen.” She waved you on to continue despite Jaskier’s glare. You bit your lip, but continued on.

As you and Joneta looked all around the bottom area, searching for the drowner, you began to feel uneasy. You frowned, watching the river flow smoothly in front of you. The notice had said the drowner was stuck in ice, but the river wasn’t iced over anymore. Your stomach churned at the realization, but before you could say anything, Joneta let out a scream.

You turned around in an instant, seeing Joneta struggle against the drowner’s grip. It growled at her from the water, its hand clasped around her ankle. With little hesitation, you pulled out one of Rauf’s knives, getting ready to slice the drowner’s hand.

Before you could, Joneta yelled,“No, we have to lead it out!”

“Are you crazy?” You breathed, your heart jumping in your throat.

Joneta pulled gently on her own leg, trying to coax the drowner out of the water.“We have to kill it!”

You scoffed at her, but realized that leaving the drowner here would only put other people in danger. You ran over to Joneta, grabbing under her armpits to pull her further from the water. The drowner kept its grip on her ankle, letting the two of you drag it onto the platform.

As soon as it was out of the water, it pulled Joneta from your grasp, crawling on top of her with its slimy teeth bared. She kicked at its legs but it didn’t budge — quickly, you slid out from under her and grabbed at its shoulders, wincing at the cold skin as it fell to the side. You readjusted the knife in your hand, and with one swift jab, you stabbed the drowner square in the face.

“Fuck.” You breathed, stepping away from the now dead creature.

Without a word, Joneta snatched the knife from your hand, bringing it to the drowner’s neck. She sliced into its cold skin, sawing back and forth with determination. You grimaced, watching as your friend beheaded the thing that just tried to kill her.

You looked at the group around you with a shrug. “And then we brought the head to the shop owner and got the reward. Plus a used Gwent card.”

“Bullshit.” Theo’s eyes narrowed at you, a mix of awe and disbelief hidden beneath them. “There’s no way that actually happened.”

You snorted. “If only. My uncle had me clean out the local horse’s stables for a month because of it.”

The night was silent once more. You looked between each of your group — Theo, now frowning at the idea that your story was real, Geralt, who was stoic as always (but you could see he was amused, if not impressed) — and, Jaskier, who winked at you once you caught his eye.

He clapped his hands together, bringing the silence to an end. “Well. That was a lovely, lovely story. Are you feeling sleepy now, Theo?”

“Fuck off.”

You smirked at the two, standing from your spot on the ground. “I’ll take first watch.” Leaving the sound of low bickering and a crackling fire, you walked to the edge of the cave, hand on the hilt of your sword.

With a deep breath, you let yourself remember Rauf, even if you didn’t want to.

Your uncle was furious when you got back to the guild. He stood in front of you, his brows creased in a frown, arms crossed over his chest.

He had been staring at you for a while now. At this point, you wished he was yelling, maybe even giving you a whack on the head for what you did. But his eyes remained situated on you like they were frozen solid, forever indebted to giving you a disappointed glare.

When he spoke, you nearly jumped from your seat. “How did you do?”

Now it was your turn to frown. You looked up at your uncle, eyes narrowed. He didn’t ask if you were okay, or why you did it — he asked you how.

You cleared your throat, feigning bravery under his glare.“I did well. Took the drowner down on my own.”

His brow was still creased when he nodded. And, just like that, he left the room without another word.

By the time the memory faded, you realized you were inspecting one of your own knives. Not long after that day, Rauf found a blacksmith to make you some of your own— the very ones you still held.

You sighed, placing the knife back in your sheath. No matter what you did, you would never be rid of the man you called your uncle. He was everywhere you looked, even when you slept. All you could do now was try to be nothing like him.

You leaned against the cave wall, looking up to the night sky where the stars shined brightly. You hoped, that after all of this, after all you’ve been through — you would find your mother. And soon.

———————————————————————————————————

Let me know your thoughts!

[yellowbluemoonshine]

Bnha 277; The boy who is being Left Behind

Lets talk about chapter 277.

War arc vs Gentle Arc;

First, THIS

Source; https://twitter.com/CDCubed/status/1279821074373283841

Most people pointed that they looked like Allmight and Afo but i think that scene is clearly is more like Gentle vs Deku fight.

Deku vs Shigaraki is really looks like Deku vs Gentle but difference is Deku is the one who is up, like he is kinda in villain pose or like he is the one who is trying to supress him.

Remember that Gentle is also Deku’s foil just like Shigaraki. In spor festival arc, Deku fight it to protect Eri’s smile and other people’s hard work while now Deku is fighting with another Eri.

After their fight, Gentle was redeemed and they both realized that they are kinda similar too. (Which in Izuku and Tenko’s case, their similarities are more, their origins are literally same.)

Also Deku realized that how Gentle’s existence is a light for someone else so maybe in the future, he might realize that Shigaraki’s existence is light for some people too (league).

Gentle was saved (a villain who was saved by a hero) and after the fight, he wished that Deku’s feelings can reach out to others.

(Like since their pose is very similar,and clearly meant to be parallels, maybe, those scenes might be hints for the the future encounters between Deku and Shigaraki.)

Shigaraki’s smile & Dehumanization by Proheroes;

First, it started with Miruko who enjoy by killing noumus, dead people who were kidnapped and tortured. She called Shigaraki as thing.

Aizawa who is ready kill the cat that Shirakumo/Kurogiri wished to save.

Then, there is another hero who call Shigaraki as monster, only because of this smile.

He doesnt smile to mock heroes, he smiles cause it hurts.

Shigaraki always give this reaction to pain. Smilling is how he express his pain.

He laughed when he was tortured cause he can not handle the pain of that surgery.

He smiled when the thinks he is about to die cause he was scared.

He also smiled when he remembered his origin, his worst trauma.

And Shigaraki’s smile is how he express his pain. This is also norrmal reaction for real life trauma,abuse victims.

Source; https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/healing-trauma-s-wounds/201509/why-clients-smile-when-talking-about-trauma-part-1

Also i already mentioned before how Shigaraki’s sitution is similar to Pop’s sitution from Bnha. So this is not the first time that Endeavour tried to kill a victim who should have saved.

And also Shouto is not here, yeah but Endeavour would want him to be here. Probably reason is he still wants him to carry his legacy. Notice; unlike Gran Torino or Aizawa, he didnt even say them to “stay away from Shigaraki”. Bringing children to war, fighting with them is not a big deal for Endeavour cause he is used to raising a child soldiers.

This guy is hero who supposed to save people. He is also Nana’s friend, also someone who knows a lot of things about him. He is the one who decided to neglected Nana’s son. So its also his responsibility but insteda of facing his mistakes, he didnt just dehumanize him but also he blamed Shigaraki for everything.

Let me remind you. It’s not Shigaraki’s fault for being Nana’s grandson, borning with a decay quirk, being ignored by society, being kidnapped by Afo..etc. Shigaraki’s all life is out of his control and not only he suffer more and more but he is also blamed for existing.

“Your existence brigns pain”, well, tell this to League, to people like Twice. To them, meeting with Shigaraki, league is the only blessing thing in their life.

(Even kids are blind. Tokoyami is blinded by hero society, he thinks what Hwaks did is right, thats probably why the chapter name is “Dark cloud”. Deku who wanted to save everyone fights with another Eri.)

Rejecting Nana and Afo;

Most people are happy to see that Shigaraki rejects them but unfortunately, despite rejecting them, Shigaraki also cant let them go at the same time.

Shigaraki ‘s biggest desire is freedom, a little agency but he is someone who always carry the burden of his past. Despite destroying them, he keeps remembering them againd and again.

Even after he destroyed them (because they rejected Shimura Tenko), he still take the hand besides him.

Shigaraki cant reject his family cause he cant get rid of this guilty feeling that he he had to be punished for what he did so he has to remember. So Shigaraki destroy his memories but then, he will come back to them cause he believes he had to be punished, he cant just continue his life after what he had done.

Then, we see that Afo is trying to take Shigaraki’s will, full control of him but this is too much even for him.

Look how he feels gratefull the person who ruined his entire life. Shigaraki is fighting for little agency, for his will, for the power he gained (remember how Shigaraki had to endure those full of hell-horrible surgery for this power).

Despite rejecting Afo, he is saying “i wanna be greater than you” like Shigaraki doesnt want to be Afo, yeah but he is trying to be his successor, he is still carrying his legacy anyway cause to him, he owed this to him.

Look at how he is still going after One for all, despite saying that its his own will. Shigaraki is not the one who wants One for all. Its Afo. Shigaraki is living his life for the sake of Afo. He still does what Afo wanted him to do.

(His face is not happy smile face, he is smilling cause he is afraid of loosing his will.)

Afo goes far to take Shigaraki’s only agency and Shigaraki still doesnt reject him completely. He doesnt even see this as betrayal, like this is normal to him. His only reaction is “No, this is too much.” like you already took a lot but no more. Shigaraki wont reject Afo completely. he will come back to him eventually cause thats how he used to.

Shigaraki was abused his all life and he is trapped with cycle of abuse, he will eventually return to his abuser’s hands. Despite rejecting and trying to escape from them, he will come back to them.

Shigaraki cant get out of this prison by himself but its impossible for him in those conditions. Shigaraki’s biggest desire is being treated as person but he cant see himself as person cause he was never treated as person.

(This is also i believe that will chage later when one hero saves im and league, the people who saved by Shigaraki tell him that he is not a thing, his existence is not destruction, that meeting with him is a miracle for them.)

Shigaraki was dehumanized by Afo and Ujiko.

He was dehumanized by random people he never met before.

He was dehumanized by heroes who should have saved people. He is abandoned by everyone.

Overhaul Arc vs War arc;

This was mentioned by a lot of people how this arc is opposite of overhaul arc. Since this was mentioned, i wont mention about it a lot. Just a summary;

- Heroes came to save Eri in overhaul arc, heroes came to kill Shigaraki in war arc.

- Heroes/teachers are worried about sudents in ovrehaul arc, heroes /teachers are bringig students to the war and focusing on revenge/destruction in war arc.

- Overhaul experemented on human, Eri and heroes defeated him by saving Eri and her power. Ujiko expremineted on many people, heroes killed all the victims of science and they also tried to kill Shigaraki. They didnt even really Ujiko and they didnt dehumanize him the way they did with Shigaraki, despite Shigaraki is the one who is victim here.

- Overhaul’s arc’s victim is Eri, This arc’s Eri is Shigaraki. Heroes won that arc with saving Eri, heroes are loosing in this arc cause they dehumanized Shigaraki. (Narrative punishment for heroes cause they didnt act like heroes).

- Extra; In overhaul arc, Nighteye was killed by a villain and Uraraka understood the meaning of the life, this became her own motivation to save people, just like Deku. In war arc, Twice was killed by a hero and Toga understood the meaning of life, this became her own motivation to destroy hero society, just like Shigaraki.

Conclusion;

I think meaning of this arc is to show that how far heroes can go, how they are not different from what they fought, like the true face or lets say dark side of heroes, hero society. How much they are blinded by system and dont realize what they did is horrible but also how they saved people depends on to their situtions. Saving Eri and destroying another Eri, only because one of them cant cry like another. since Shigaraki cant cry and cant ask for help, i wonder how they will see his pain.

Cause in this chapter, he showed his pain, he was distracted by Afo, pretty much was fighting for his own will, he was literally cried (yeah its crying, remember how his smile is no differen tthan his crying, its obvious that he was suffering) but heroes, all of them, even Deku ignored it.

So since this is the story of how Deku became the greatest hero and there is a clear set up for to fix the flaws of society, i think something will happen to change their perspectives. But it has to be something different like that they will feel so regret that what they have done, especially what they have done to Shigaraki. Since they are heroes.

(I might edit a little things later but for now, thats it. This became random cause i wrote analysis before but i accidently deleted it :’/ so i had to write different version of it again. Well, i hope i didnt forget to write anything. )

[theskyexists]

ive bought harrow the ninth and am now attempting to reread act 1 so that i may understand it better

ianthe clearly proposes that Harrow not get herself killed trying to bring Gideon back - reading it over again. instead to take the future and somehow?? be really powerful together and forget about their cavaliers. but harrow says no

im once again struck with how offhand this book introduces the concept that the empire goes out to deliberately kill planets over a couple of generations

now im not sure....there also seems to be an implication that there’s no aliens - because they say only humanity has a soul - but client planets were said to rebel - i guess the human colonisers rebel against central solar system command sometimes? but then what enemy does the Cohort fight? possibly it’s just bigotry that they think aliens dont have a soul

but like - they find LIVING PLANETS and then - kill them slowly. to the extent that they need to move the entire population. WHAT? why do they do that??? just so they can do some bone tricks???!

what the fuk

so how did the planets get murdered again? and which solar system planets could really have been said to have had enough life to have a soul?? cos like, only one of them is really known for that

why did God give Harrow the choice to go back home TWICE if he was never going to let her?

once again, why mess with the Hand candidates if God was always gonna come for Cytherea? just to mess with him more?

yeah - harrow keeps hearing and saying ortus ninegad but the rest of the world remembers gideon.

Harrow truly is totally mentally shattered AND time is totally fucked up

but sometimes in the fake-ish timeline Harrow remembers but doesn’t remember Gideon - like how she notes that there were two womb-bearing members of the Ninth who were the right age...but only elaborates on herself

for some reason - Harrowhark remembers Ianthe’s arm ripped from her by Cytherea - but now it’s whole. for some reason

that letter is still so what the fuck

‘like you did the last time’ - hm harrowhark sewed Ianthe’s lips shut? how did she come by the power?

is ianthe - calling Harrowhark God?

throughout the first act, they keep referring to time, having too much time, or not mastering time, or not having enough time, ‘this time’ etc.

the eggs you gave me all died - that’s DIRECTED at Harrow, is my theory

ok but the planet revenants come after Lyctors and also God (- God became God when? at the Resurrection) before the Lyctors happened - God was still at Canaan House - despite the Revenants already coming right...

is Teacher criticising god and lyctors for leaving Canaan House lol?

ok so yeah Canaan House WAS part of a ‘last sacrifice’

ok so - Harrowhark is a little resurrection miracle. This implies that God killed a lot to resurrect the Houses.

wow God is being a very dad to Harrow

Blood of Eden - BOE - they turned their back on the solar system. now they hate necromancy. in other words - when the solar system died, God resurrected it - but before that point some humans had fled - lived. and they can see what absolute fuckin horror necromancy is ACTUALLY

so what im getting is...maybe...god resurrected humanity by killing the planets...?

i just realised that Ianthe has taken Gideon’s place as the smartass in the room - the counterweight to Harrow’s portentousness

what the fuck do augustine’s comments to Mercy mean???? why is she unloveable? why would he say that God doesn’t need her? and why is it obscene that Augstine calls God John? What is the dangerous game she’s playing? What was the foul implication??

‘Then that is your downfall’ OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Harrow BURN!!!

what i don’t get is - the Cohort is an army - when they land they die because they’re being killed by an enemy at the front - NOT in pure sacrifice for thanergy. so why does only the death of humans and planets produce thanergy. why is the death of the enemy not good enough? they don’t have fuckin souls?? they MUST be complex life. and doesn’t a planet produce a constant stream of thanergy? but i guess it’s not dying enough - generally its life maintains itself in ecosystems.....unless a fuckin lyctor ‘makes the juice flow’ i guess!

sometime in the next book there IS gonna be a ‘are we the baddies’ meme. muir loves memes and she stuck skulls on absolutely EVERYTHIGN. Like WHY THE FUCK would you colonise planets if you gotta kill them for it? LOL????

huh? augustine just said that they can’t use necromancy when in the river - but mercy mocked harrow for having hypothermia ? implying her fundamental failure was not being able to necro while in the river? Harrow’s inability was what was wrong partly right?? oh no ok it’s how Harrow tried to compensate for her body going lights out while in the river. alright. that was written confusingly

how and why is this a completely different story???

The Sleeper.......is Harrowhark? the suit is too close to what she was wearing killing the asteroid. and the sleeper is lying on ‘something’. oh they just straight up say it lololol

ortus got into trouble 19 years ago...hhmmmmm wasn’t Gideon 19??? huh? which is why Mercy started at Harrow’s peculiar YELLOW eyes that Harrow can’t see herself i think

‘i do things face to face’ ortus says after stabbing harrow. HUH? why go for a stab if decapitating would have done the job? just to give her a small chance to fight back? (face to face?)

why not tell God that ‘his’ attack dog is trying to kill you?

why does Ortus the First want me dead? ‘who?’ ---uh. has she forgotten him completely (time shit) or is she saying the wrong name? mercy wouldnt reply like that then right?

she told him and he’s like - oh well guess you gotta just get through repeated almost-successful attacks on your life. ???? THANKS GOD!!!

‘you, with your unfortunate memory for poetry’ HA! i love how we are reminded that she knew all the fuckin damn books nearly by heart which is insane!

Teacher suggests his dying at least three times a day?? hahaha what?.........................is this purely a meme reference. is that meme the mental image im supposed to have of Teacher??????????? is this trying to say that this meme was preserved in the amalgamation of human life that is Teacher?? oh my god....

no.....palamedus and camilla....did old Harrow really kill them.....

seems like all the murders were consensual maybe?

it’s probably too straightforward that Harrow created and alternate timeline and made for a Harrow Lyctor without Gideon dying and kicked her to the original? maybe she took Ianthe and Coronabeth with her bc she needed Ianthe’s help

is this Cytherea or Dulcinea? Pro seems real this time. why does Dulcie call Pal and Cam strands and cords?

did muir put in a fuckin secondary school S - muir’s just like - im gonna put in all the memes as a nod to ancient human culture

still no idea what the messages are that Harrow is getting

This Harrow is so goddamn sick. I mean she was sick before, but at least she had Gideon. Really do feel that that helped her. now she didn’t have that -- AND she’s getting slapped with trauma another five times

if ortus can undo the thanergy of her own bone then why not simply crumble HARROW into dust? cos there’s a core of thanergy fusion in her that he can’t undo?

FLKJDFKLJSDLFSD fucking IANTHE ‘Wow! Not how I imagined this happening, at all.’  FUCKIN HELL

Harrow with her fucking fucked up dramatic inner monologues about weakness and Ianthe comes in with this shit. she really is doing Gideon proud here.

Did love Harrow’s musings about how only a truly idiotically obedient Cavalier would be the only one to keep to a vow of silence. HAH! nice one muir

‘have you taken the time to rest lately?’ asks God, YOUR FUCKING SAINT IS TRYING TO KILL HER IN THE FUCKING BATH YOU IDIOT AHAHAHAHA

JEZUS FUCKING CHRIST - try and be normal Harrow! try and make some soup and read a book! Harrow: *does and then hyperventilates hidden under her bed after 86 hours of zero sleep*

she was trying to remember what cutlery did. why is this so goddamn funny hahahaa. this book has ONLY been Harrow being in extreme states of misery ALL THE TIME both mentally and physically to the point of death

GOD IS HAPPY THAT SHE MADE SOUP AND DOESNT EVEN FUCKIN NOTICE SHE’S NOT SLEPT FOR A WEEK SOMEHOW THIS IS THE MOST HILARIOUS SHIT

thats what you fucking GET you piece of shit god! you push a prodigy teen to the brink and she fuckin explodes your lyctor and feeds you her fuckin marrow. maybe you shouldn’t have ignored her goddamn fucking understandable distress

SHE FUCKIN HITS HIM WITH THE FUCKIN TRUTH what an IDIOT of a God. he truly doesn’t understand mortality anymore huh

I LOVE HOW MERCYMORN CONTINUES TO MAKE HARROW YOUNGER IN HER HEAD AHAHAHAHAHAHA she’s only nine years old!!!hahahaha

naturally God focuses on how - wait- actually harrow is truly an INSANE necromancer - INSANE

still no idea what the fuck is going on in the not-past

aww. ianthe’s scent soothes harrow now. begrudgingly of course.

i thought this was gonna be lovely angsty harrow/gideon but naturally that did not happen

harrow is comfortable! first time in the whole book! one moment of comfort!!!

‘love my twin, also murder’ tridentarius pffjlfjdljf

‘how i crave your honeyed words’ hah

wow this scene sure is weirdly sexual with these similes lol ‘as though she had shyly undressed for you’ ok there Harrow you about to chop her arm off calm it probably sex repulsed thirsty teen

i do love how....there is this theme again that’s everybody underestimating the main character - who is actually a prodigy. Gideon had that with the sword and Harrow also has it with being a Lyctor now

it’s so telling that these Saints would rather be shits to these babies than help Ianthe grow a new fuckin arm

i dont see why Ianthe can’t work off this bone construct which is her own stuff and put some flesh on it since SHES A FLESH NECRO?

Ianthe that’s super gay

wow muir really never delivers on full gay does she??? i dont mind but i think it’s so striking hahaa

how are Harrow and Ianthe still hung up on the Saint of Duty? i mean, if they dont have him against the RB they’re dead anyway

why is the First going through rain and ice?

Harrow haunted? naawwww

i cant help but like mercymorn though - she cares. it’s soured ages ago but she cares.

awww Harrow needs Ianthe to sleep

Ianthe constantly poking Harrow for her prudishness is so goddamn funny.

‘It’s the type of energy i wish to take into my future’ AHAHAHAHAHAAH IANTHE MY GOD

‘i always forget you were an honest to go nun ... and six years old to boot if you listen to mercymorn’ HAHAHAHAHAHA

‘you look good enough that im proud of my handiwork but not so good that i’ll be consumed with lust and ravish you over the nut bowl’ fpdfjsdfkjsd this is what harrow means with crude japery and yet....

mercymorn has started to call harrow three years old. i will NEVER tire of this gag

all of the blood of eden stuff happened in the past 25 years??? god was on the erebos, but he also remembers ortus kicking the commander out of an airlock? that was in the last 25 years??

Ianthe‘s carressing the nape of Harrow’s neck. hmmhm

its honestly super weird if you think about it for more than 10 seconds that theyre talking about their cavaliers whom they murdered (im still not sure if all consensually) ten thousand years ago (!) and how hot they were that just seems.....fucked up

Harrow is like WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!! basically all the time but especially now. yep well that was to be expected i guess lololol

Harrow being painfully frozenly fascinated by (god having) sex and deeply repulsed is very Harrow

oh nooooo well that was a perfect kiss between them really

the funny thing about Harrow is that though she is so completely fucked up - just like Gideon - she is fundamentally a helper.

why wouldn’t Harrow have thought of blood wards! she knew he could only bleed thanergy! it;s the first thing i thought - just use not bone wards then!

ortus thinks anastasia is in Harrow - which makes me think - why does he think that’s possible?

mercymorn now calls Harrow a two-year-old. i am waiting for embryonic genius

so did they use the river to get to the planets theyre killing?

Harrow feels the peace and pleasure of a stroll through nature that she has come to kill

oh my god - Harrow somehow saved Cam and Pal is still attached to the mortal plane!!

Harrow helps Cam risking herself entirely just like that. yknow as she does

i wonder if Pal has realised that Harrow is not who he remembers

i think he realised once he realised haz mat suit was Harrow also...

ianthe xo’d harrow.....lol

im sad that original harrow is definitely dead.... :( loved her. guess gideon’s not coming back either. not sure how the second adept survived. she didn’t survive in the original timeline either. but she was ‘killed’ in the other - just like coronabeth..so that means soemthing

this whole ‘flashback’ stuff to Canaan House is Harrow being in the River the whole time. the cold temperatures, the blood, the creatures theyre fishing from the sea that apparently abominations

after all, we’ve just learned about river bubbles and a haz!harrow that can change their parameters.

all the people ‘dead’ she’d not spoken to much or at all beforehand. like they’re NOT real, in the River. the only one not like that is Dyas...

the fact that the narrative keeps calling Dulcie, Dulcie means she’s really Dulcie.

there’s giant organs falling from the ceiling. this is definitely the river

they talk about time AGAIN

the Body is the devil who let herself be used to complete the work of Teacher and the Lyctors in his mythology....hmm. and when they realised the price (AFTER? the work was done?) they wanted her dead but he buried her....SHE allowed them to become Lyctors?? I still don’t understand why the heck that was necessary

the king is dead, long live the king. hmmmm

Harrow comes onto a hallucination of the devil who was her first crush with the voice of her parental figures and the eyes of a love interest she can no longer remember - which is actually not precisely a hallucination probably - and gets summarily rejected lol OUCH (the Body didn’t mean it that way ofc)

Harrow is so repressed on every single front but definitely sexually

I love Mercy

so there is death beyond death. does everybody go into the river and become a mad horrid ghost? like - is that everybody’s fate? how awful

ok so God DID resurrect the planets also. ? but like. then why are there resurrection beasts?

what does resurrection mean? and who killed the planets in the first place?

BECOMING NONE HOUSE, LEFT GRIEF

oh.....my god.

ARE YOU AND IANTHE BEING SAFE!!?!?!?! HHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA

HIS BODYGUARD IS THE DEVIL??

so the destruction of Earth somehow made God? as though it was something that simply followed from it

A.L. was destroyed in the first assault? Of an RB

so the RB’s were happily running off in the other direction until they decided to fuck around and kill their mates to become immortal and powerful - then the RB’s turned around and came towards them - which meant leaving the planets God had resurrected forever.

what the fuck god??? hahahahaa

God always seems so likeable goddamn.

Harrow is such a dramatic bitch. Affection??? JUST KILL ME!!! KILL ME!! LET ME SMASH THE GLASS SO I CAN KNEEL IN IT AND BLEED ALL OVER THE FLOOR!!!!

Harrow goes into her fun kid's game of not dying to traps.

But she instantly calls him father. OH MY GOD

HE DOESNT BELIEVE HER!!!

'then that will be your downfall' - is what Harrow said to Augustine AND IT WILL BECOME TRUE FOR THEM ALL

to be dismissed like that where it hurts most - to have God Dad dismiss her only slip of comfort her only pillar of truth in this crazy old world

'nobody had watched you leave'

SOMEBODY HAD - I love all the deliberate references to Gideon

Temporal lobe!!!! Again the temporal lobe!!!

So why was it again that Harrow refused to be locked in with the Emperor?

So isn't God gonna check out Harrow's temporal lobe? He's just gonna let that mystery go to its death?

WHAT THE FUCKKKKKKKKK

Muir what the fuck??!!!!!!!!

Oh it was.....a hallucination?

Always love how this dips into genuine horror sometimes

What's weird is that Lyctors seem made for the task of going into the river and killing Resurrection Beasts - instead of the other way around.

So say - that the sword somehow holds Gideon's soul (we've just learned that that's possible from Pal and also Ortus trying to get Pent to summon his grandma by his sword) - does it not make sense that Harrow 'for some reason' stabbing Cytherea's corpse with it transferred it to her? Or maybe it's SOMEHOW Anastasia if Ortus was macking on her. But Ortus thought HARROW had/was Anastasia.

IANTHE WANTS TO MARRY HARROW - HAHAHAHAAHAHAHA

Every fucking chapter doesn't make things any clearer. This is worse than Gideon the ninth

Hello???? Am I reading a canon alternate universe roleswap au??? What the FUCK is going on. This is like - if they hadn't gassed the 200 and her parents instead adopted Gideon for her clear necromantic gifts which nobody noticed somehow the other time round

I do love how Aiglamene was the sole source of slight comfort in Gideon's life. And Crux was Harrow's - apparently in any sequence of events.

Harrow is tumbling through timelines. But how can you do that just by messing with the lobe?

WHAT!! WHAT!!!

Is this...is this what I think it is??? Is thi

The fanfic roots are STRONG in this one. In fact I believe I've READ this fanfiction

Harrow's temporal fever dream (in the river?) HAD HER (Decidedly Not) VYING FOR 'HER DIVINE HIGHNESS' hand, which is either the Body or Gideon or both lololol. Seeing as the previous had Gideon as the main unnamed titled character - I bet it's Gideon ahahaaga

A fucking. COFFEESHOP AU. OH MY GODDDDDDDDDDDDD

We've had roleswap, 'ball' au, and coffee shop au populated by the ghosts of the dead LOLOL,

I knew it!! I knew that they were ghosts and that they were in the river!!

Ok so but when did Harrow shoddily create the bubble? When she adjusted her memories at the start? When is this. Ah Harrow has the same thought hahaa

So the stage is a - she was building her memories while sleeping?

Why is that she cannot access her lyctorhood like this...

I just realised that Harrow's mind made the party food taste like SALT based on Ianthe's cooking!!!! Hahahaha

THE NARRATOR IS GIDEON. But it doesn't sound like Gideon though

There's more to the work than simply preserving Gideon's soul though. There are next steps that Harrow prepared for that Harrow doesn't know about yet

Who was the sleeper and why was it in Harrows riverscape of memories that she ACCIDENTALLY??? made

Ok she sounds like Gideon NOW

Gideon no it's not because she didn't want you! It's because she wanted you to live!!!!!

And she succeeded....your soul is INTACT in her body!!!! You're protecting her with full consciousness!! How the fuck. And why didn't that happen before when she went to the bubble?

Are the ghosts of the contestants happy that they got pulled out of the River briefly? Or were they so briefly in there they couldn't remember?

She returned them to the RIVER???? is that really such a kind fate????

Something has gone wrong in the River - yeah because why r all these ghosts going insane and stoppering it up like slib

Do love how Muir has found a way to give these characters more screentime

I actually said 'oof' when Harrow screamed at Ortus - oof that really is embarrassing. GodDAMN Ortus you stepping up with the emotional support!

I've EVEN read the damn fanfic in which they switched bodies. My god.

A. L. apparently is thought to wander about still. I think she's the body....I do believe she's the body. That's why the Lyctors are scared of her

She thought - what. Mercy is talking about blood of Eden's commander. What is going onnnnn still!!!! Mercy is the traitor I guess. But how is blood of Eden connected to the ninth house and the body?

Why is Mercy awake on the mithraeum and not in the River anyways?

Gideon.... And the commander were in cahoots? So did A. L. and Anastasia an the body and the commander all have the same eyes?????

What the fuck is going on indeed.

Cytherea seems to have had a plan B for getting revenge on the Emperor. Or something had a plan B with her corpse as the main weapon.

If guns are so effective against people why aren't they still used.

The messages are from the commander. I.e. Gideon's mother. I.e. Anastasia? We never explicitly did learn how she met her end no? Gideon was convinced that Anastasia had taken the baby. It just seems incongruous how the Emperor spent like 80 years on the Erebos and the Lyctors were faffing about - meanwhile there was this drama going on in the last half century?

I love Abigail Pent. Love that I got to see more of her.

I'd honestly forgot that Judith was alive by the end of all of that shit

The sleeper is -the sleeper is Gideon's mother. Also. She's haunted by her mother. SOMEHOW. what the fuck? They couldn't drag her spirit back from the river they said!

'you wizards never learn' there's a whole modern regular sci fi world and culture out there! Or maybe it's just a. L.

Is it? Or is it Anastasia? Or is it the commander? Or are they the same thing?

The sleeper wants Harrow's body. Somehow invaded it - probably from the river? - which means its Anastasia or the commander. Which means that whatevers possessing Cytherea is someone else.

In retrospect - Harrow's coldness to Ianthe talking about - to what her - seemed nonsense at the time - in the very first part - doesn't quite fit.

Oh my fucking GOD Gideon is fighting Ianthe for messing around with her fucking girlfriend - who is HARROW, who actually, Ianthe wants to marry.

They just went from ramping up to a serious fight to Gideon dropping Corona's name and suddenly they're like - ah we got more important priorities actually.

Augustine's first thought at thinking a.l./the body (?) is in Harrow is John - and the Second is Joy!(mercy?)

'How I was gonna have to take showers with all your clothes on.' fuckin Gideon hahahaha

Wonder if Ianthe truly believes what she's saying - that Harrow was trying to rid hersel of Gideon. It's preposterous. It's just hurtful talk.

GIDEON REALLY THOUGHT THAT LOOK TO MEAN THAT HARROW DIDNT LOVE HER??? THIS IS A CONSTANT BARRAGE OF ALL THE ANGSTY DRAMATIC SHIT IVE BEEN YEARNING FOR

Oh my fucking god Gideon calling Ianthe out for being in love with Harrow in the most iconic way ufsojdjdodnd 'she wants the D - the D stands for dead'

Crazy brain-mutilated Harrow sure made it seem that way I can tell ya that!!

Hahahahahaha Ianthe remembering Harrows prudish Ortus/Cytherea shit. Amazing

Aw Gideon really went and fell right into the cavalier/bone mistress shit huh. And trying to shield Harrow - well as noted before - very necessary because harrow has been having a godawful miserable time - mostly because of herself.

Gideon appreciating Ianthe's pun xD

Love how neither of them position themselves as the love of Harrows life but instead as inexorably attached to her by the sheer role they play in her life - they don't dare aspire to what they think they can't get.

Muir realises this is gonna end up as a Gideon/Harrow(/theBody)/Ianthe ship right?

Oh WOW THIS IS AMAZING. nonius the legendary nonius!!! Come to protect Harrow!!!

For some reason the Sleeper can manipulate the rules of this River bubble and doesn't seem surprised about it

If all her cavaliers were this excited for death, she was definitely the problem.lololol. somehow Harrow, you inspired undying loyalty in even a person that you treated abominably

Yeah Harrow you slowpoke. If the Sleeper can adjust the rules - so can you

If the sleeper was not Harrow's invention - but planted itself - then they're very lucky it got to the ghosts that weren't actually there - first.

So it was the commander....a portrait in a shuttle of blood of eden - can only be the commander. And redhaired? There are too many red haired people in this book!!

It's nice how all these ghosts got to have lasting impact from beyond the grave

NONIUS KNEW ORTUS/GIDEON?

Ok so ....there's the bed of the River with stoma. But there might also be the other side.

Did Harrow really not account for steps beyond her plan to mutilate her brain?

Is this book really gonna go: fuck you Gideon will die anyway ?????

But.wait. the sleeper had a two-hander. Where did that go???

I don't get it. If they go into the river - won't they also go insane?

SO NYAH!!!!!???

Ok but - what? The Commander ALSO -somehow - took over Cytherea's body?

'did the ten billion give you that too' I KNEW CANAAN HOUSE HELD EVEN GRUESOMER EXPERIMENTS AND SACRIFICES THAN LYCTORHOOD. God is made of ten billion souls. I think they killed humanity on earth to spare it 'slow inexorable apocalypse' and used the power to make the Empire from the resurrected. There was an extremely vague implication by Teacher to the amount of souls violated in Canaan house in the first book.

So God knows the commander went for the ninth house? Firstly, how. I don't understand how Anastasia fits in here!!! It would explain though how the commander

So the commander found the ninth house - and she died right? They tried to call her spirit but couldn't. But she became a revenant?

Ah. God THREW the bomb.

A fuckin wake me up inside joke jskdjskdnd

So Mercy and Augustine ( not Gideon ?) had all turned against God? And they were working with the commander to -... Make a baby????? And then evacuate the houses???? (For when God dies - there being a risk that Dominicus would go out I guess)

Make a baby/body to lever the one who lies in the tomb into....?

Love how the book foreshadowed Mercy and Augustine manipulating and lying to God - and turns out they did that on much bigger scale

They....meant to kill the baby to break the blood ward?

'The woman who I was pretty sure was my mother, wearing the body of the woman I'd had a crush on, who in turn had been wearing the identity of a woman she'd murdered -' KSNFKDJDKFJJFC

So why did they want this consistently characterised as kindly and humane god dead?

GIDEON THOUGHT IT WAS HIS!!!! But he called Wake Anastasia then????

They really are the same???

Oh my god I know what they're gonna say. Gideon is the daughter of God. WHICH HARROWS FUCKIN ROYALTY AU FEVER RIVER DREAM FUCKING FORESHADOWED HAAHAHAHAHHAA

Isn't it fucking ironic that God told Harrow that - HE WANTED HER TO BE HIS??? WHILE GIDEON HIS ACTUAL DAUGHTER WAS SPINNING INSIDE HER CHEST LIKE A LITTLE NUCLEAR FUSION REACTOR

They've been trying to kill him for more than 500 years???? Did mercymorn actually genuinely learn the extremely fine knowledge of the body for THIS purpose? How many thousands of years ago did they decide to kill god?

A fucking DAD JOKE

GIDEON REMEMBERING HOW SHE USED TO TELL HARROW HOW HER OTHER PARENT MIGHT BE THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON IN THE WORLD SO STOP PICKING ON HER

I am fucking DELIGHTED I AM SO GODDAMN OVERJOYED

It segues into a reminder of how shit their childhoods were and how their suffering had them lash out at each other endlessly and how it made Harrow suicidal and shit though - which is great

ALECTO'S EYES. THE A. FOR A. L.

A. L. The cavalier of God....but she walked. She had a body.

Ohhhhh. That's why they betrayed him. That age-old hurt. Ten thousand years old but still the bane of their existence, the seed of their madnesses. The loss of their cavaliers. Oh how did they manage to keep that from him?

I honestly thought - is Mercy saying she knows he killed humanity? But that's not what she couldn't have forgiven?

But why did he hide it? Why did he hide the perfect way? ('it would be easier' why???)

Ah. Yes. The expansion, why would the Emperor do that?

Uhhhhh. Couldn't Mercy have done that all along??????????????????????? Couldn't Mercy have killed God all along? That was both a trick and utterly sincere.

Augustine and Mercy were trying to do the right thing..... Mercy.... :'( Augustine was right. God is much less sentimental than he seems.

'im not even mad that you failed to either fix or put down Harrow' hm guess the constant kill quest HAD come from God after all. What a goddamn bitch of a man

What was the original plan? Unleash a. L. ? And then what? How would that help with the whole Dominicus going out problem?

Had God ever really thought to make up for all the bullshit he put his Lyctors through. He seems so affable and human but he's caused so much suffering. He's as good at manipulation at them - better!

The resurrection beast can't kill him, but he let his Lyctors die to them one by one anyway. So why??

Why are they punching each other in the River? They can use theorems right? God could blast Augustine to pieces same he did mercy?

Yes! It's true! Pyrrha and Gideon both exist in the same body - foreshadowed by his cavaliers build. There was something so fishy about it.

I love how Gideon has exactly the same response as me: what the fuck. Pyrrha??? Gideon??? What the fuck??? Why did they BOTH have an affair with their enemy??? So ok. Pyrrha stayed underground from Everybody for the thousand years. SOMEHOW their compartmentalisation let her pop up in his body regularly and not just when Gideon remembered her - because the hadn't fucked up his brain. But then how did THEY do that.

This absolutely galactic balsiness

The stoma thinks John is a resurrection beast. Might it be.....because he's..... A revenant. A 10 billion souled kinda- revenant ? A bit like.....Harrow is? Which is why he felt kin to her? Which is why he compared her creation to Resurrection?????I've really gotta reread those messages from commander wake.

A fucking jail for mother meme. Jail for one thousand years. Gideon how do you know this one????

I KNEW Ianthe would do that. Knew it. She doesn't want the system to die. Coronabeth is still out there. Well guess what - she's on the opposite side babe. Ok I realised that Gideon's mum apparently stuck to Gideon and then the sword? But also did Harrow manage to break the blood ward because of of her proximity to Gideon? Did Harrow uhhhh get put into a pocket in the river? But the emperor wasn't murdered!!! Fuckin chapters kept lying. They're on a hold planet. Finally - we meet the people. Alecto and Camilla and Corona? And Judith.? Did Alecto somehow do a time twisty around to come save Gideon at that moment in the river? Once again nothing much more is clear.

[shriekbackmusic]

Collaborations #1 (’Shriekback are Seeing Other People’)

Well, collaboration is everything really innit? No man is an island, not even the ones who pretend they are. That’s what I reckon.  Merging somebodys’ talents and energies with yours. What a thing. The very stuff of life.

Still, it can be a fractious business: politics will come into it. LIke: who’s in charge here?  Who gets to say whether your bit is better than my bit? And how do we work that shit out? A microcosm of the world or what?

Undeterred, we  seem to do it (collaborate) quite a lot. And these are some pretty successful tunes, I would say. Good for us. Bold and resolute Shriekback! 

So there’s Hope, right?

(BA)

MART’S TRACKS:

DROP BY DROP Barker/Burridge

Taken from my Album" Water and Stone." Exploring my rolling Gtr and groove in 7 with the wonderfully talented musician cellist Emily Burridge.

Inspired by the miracle of water, its rhythm, its music, its journey, its myths, its poetry and beauty 

FLYING SAUCER Barker/ Roedelius/Noah1

Lovely to have met and worked with the master of Ambience, Hans Joachim Roedelius for the Album Fibre.

Recorded up in the hills of Shropshire with George Taylor (Noah1) and Jez coed

This piece was inspired by my riff Im playing on the Hang Drum, hence the title "Flying Saucer"

GOLDEN MOON Barker/Young

Taken from my mini Album”  Blue” Talitha Rise.

This was my first big endeavour into the musical spiritual world and  collaboration with Jo beth young.

We are joined on the Riti by Juldeh Camara.

PILGRIM`S WAY Barker/Adams

My new project/collaboration still ongoing with the mighty talent of Justin Adams .

This first piece inspired by ancient walks.

This new whole album partly inspired by the writing of Robert Macfarlane "the old ways"

SANDLINES. Barker/ Adams

Second piece inspired the Ancient paths of the desert. 

THE LAKE Barker/Young taken from the album" Abandoned Orchid House” Talitha Rise

Another collaboration with Jo beth Young and another piece in 7!

Intense, energetic and rich with riddles.

THE SELKIE. Barker / Pynn

Second Piece taken from my Album "Water and Stone”

Inspired by the Myths and stories of the Selkie. With the magical multi instrumentalist Nick Pynn on Violin.

CARL’S TRACKS:

Words Fail Me

with AMANDA KRAVIT

(Barratt/Marsh)

David Barratt and I were introduced to Amanda by John Mrvos, one of the A&R team at EastWest Atlantic in New York (Happyhead’s label) - she was his girlfriend and he wanted to get her recorded, basically, so we came up with this. Dave had done some kind of publishing deal that allowed him to sample the company catalogue, hence Ravi Shankar playing sitar all over it. Backing vocals by Bill Clift; some of the drums sound like Jim Kimberley, sampled from HH sessions  (1992ish.)

The Longest Goodbye

with BILL CLIFT

(Clift/Marsh)

I’ve written loads with Bill under various banners, of course. This is a mid-90s demo recorded in Bill’s flat in Greenwich. BVs by Stella Clifford and Marilyn Gentle, bass (I think) by Gary Brady… not sure who did the wibbly organ. This song was later recorded by Bill’s band Fuzzbuddy, re-titled Killing Me Now - it’s just been re-released as part of their Complete Studio Recordings compilation.

THE PALACE DOGS

with GEOFF WOOLEY

I’ve collaborated with Geoff Woolley since Out On Blue Six, and in school bands even before that. These two tracks, from around 1995, are both built from sampled TV shows (and therefore subject to all sorts of potential copyright issues…).

Queen of Peoples’ Hearts

(Marsh/Woolley)

The self-styled QOPH’s Panorama special, cut up and pumped up with added Dario Argento and a spot of Jeremy Paxman. The Original is all-electronic; the Guitar Version has not only mine and Geoff’s rhythm bits but some wildfire lead from Steve Bolton (Atomic Rooster, Paul Young, The Who etc. and currently fronting the mighty Dead Man’s Corner). Take yer pick.

Crazy Dames

(Marsh/Woolley)

The main voice and piano on here are from a 1961 Twilight Zone episode called The Midnight Sun, in which the Earth is knocked out of orbit and is spiralling towards the Sun… it gets hot. Other vocals by Stella Clifford and Marilyn Gentle.

GASWERKS

The Ying Tong Song

(Milligan)

Basically the same format as The Palace Dogs with the addition of Bill Clift, whose idea it was to knock out a dance version of The Goons’, er, classic. Dig that crazy rhythm, indeed. We were told the novelty song market was a hard one to crack… by the singer of Black Lace, who should know, I suppose…

WOOLLEY/MARSH

The Girlfriends Of Dorian Gray

(Barratt/Marsh/Woolley)

David Barratt came up with the conceit of a modern Dorian Gray who preserves his youth (or immaturity) not by having a grotesquely ageing portrait in the attic but by having an ever-changing string of girlfriends who absorb the consequences of his many flaws and are discarded one after another. Dave sketched out the chorus and then proposed that he, I and Deni Bonet (NY-based violinist and writer that we’ve worked with on various projects) should write our own versions of the story, possibly with the idea of creating some kind of meta-version combining them all. That never happened, but I like the track Geoff and I came up with and the lyric is nice and tricksy - shades of Costello, maybe, if I say so myself.

You’re The Only One

(Marsh/Woolley)

A re-write of a Happyhead demo, switching New York electronica for some 90s Britpop vibes, it sounds like. Bit of a kinky ménage à trois scenario with reasonably loud guitars. Nice.

BARRY’S TRACKS

The Frances & Martine poems, with Hilda Sheehan (2014)

part 1: GLOW, GOOSE, CORN-REMOVER

part 2: COAT, ARM, KNOB OF BUTTER

I met Hilda Sheehan - through the (surprisingly vibey) Swindon poetry scene when I was stationed back there for 10 years in '04.  She was often the star turn at their spoken word events and, I thought, had the mark of a real artist in that she came with her own self-contained world (’magical realist Northern UK kitchen sink’, if I had to describe it).

I thought it would be fun to 'set' (as they say) some of her poems to music and so I did. From Hilda's considerable oeuvre, I picked the Frances and Martine series - I liked F&M's mutually abrasive dependence - the key ingredient in any sitcom - and the succinct and sometimes brutal nature of each of their adventures. 

Dame Hilda Sheehan

The Anaxaton6 EP with Mike Tournier (2013)

I first worked with Mike Tournier (Big Mike as opposed to Little Mike - these were Flukes' Contrasting Mikes at the time) as producer on their OTO album c.94. Techno outfit Fluke apparently liked them some Olde Shriekback (they had worked previously with Wendy and Sarah) and thought I might add something to the project. 

It turned out that producing a techno band is every bit as awkward as you might imagine (there’s only one computer screen for a start) and we abandoned the collaboration after I'd failed to insert myself into Fluke's process in any useful way (sandwich run doesn't count).

Anyway, we stayed in touch and collaborated rather more successfully on a Fluke/Shriekback tune and performance for MTV.  

It was the redoubtable Julian Nugent, Fluke's manager, who got in touch - in 2013 to suggest that Mike and I might like to try knocking up a tune together.

I liked the idea of this straightaway. Mike can produce huge, hi-torque productions and I had an idea of a songwriting approach which I though might complement this. The vocalist would be recognisably the bloke out of Shriekback but CG’d with florid new appendages. I fancied some mad-as-a-rat lyrics (Welcome to their secret sign: Boola Stack! Haunted Lego of the Mind! Boola Stack!) but the music would be slick and vivid and solidly crafted because that's always how Mike rolls. Thus you get something quite absurd being taken very seriously which is, to my mind, the best thing you can possibly have.

extract  from the sleeve notes:

BONE MARAUDER tells of a pure love, painful engorgement and hog sorcery. 

JUJUGRID (GO LIVE!) wrangles with hedonic guilt, ecclesiastical turpitude and leaves everything else the fuck alone. 

BOOLA STACK! - There are so many things to say of Boola Stack that to ennumerate them insults us both.

NO FOOL BOLETUS... let's just be clear about this: you got nothing to hide, there's no need to worry. Be lucky.

Michaele don Turino and Bleary Android are the naked mortals chained to the husky obelisk of ANAXATON6 

Anaxaton6 has some videos here:

https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=anaxaton6

Mike Tournier

[dangermousie]

All the 2020 kdramas I am interested in (and a few I am not)

DEFINITE

365: One Year Against Destiny (MBC) - I am excited to see Lee Joon Hyuk get a lead role and Nom Ji Hyun needs to work more. Plus, time travel!!!!

Alice (SBS) - Joo Won is back in what looks like a complicated tale of love and time travel and noona romance. YESSS!

The Allies - Time for a Green Hero (KBS) - weird title, but a sageuk about the hero growing into a leader against the Japanese invasion sounds up my alley before his, I am sure, inevitable demise.

Can This Person Be Translated (tvN) - Hong Sisters dramas don’t always work for me, but they always get an automatic look-see.

Eighteen Again (jTBC) - I love Kim Ha Neul and I hope it’s a steamy romance for all those “she is tooooo old for her leading man (Lee Do Hyun)” naysayers.

Half of a Half (tvN) - Park Hae Jin and Chae Soo Bin as an OTP yesss. 

Here - Noh Hee Kyung is beyond amazing as a writer and the cast (Lee Byung Han, Han Ji Min, Shin Min Ah, Nam Joo Hyuk) is insane!

Hyena (SBS) - Joo Ji Hoon!!!!! And the teaser looked slick.

Idol Doctor - an idol who sleepwalks and his doctor is a premise that would have made 14 year old me scream in glee.

Itaewon Class (jTBC) - I have developed quite a thing for Park Seo Joon recently, I love revenge, and there is gonna be food! Bring it on!

I Will Find You On a Beautiful Day (jTBC) - Park Min Young, Seo Kang Joon, Lee Jae Wook? I need to look no further. But it also sounds like a healing slice of life romance, yum. 

The King: the Eternal Monarch (SBS) - Lee Min Ho in a heroic fantasy tale penned by Kim Eun Suk, and also with Kim Go Eun and Woo Do Hwan in the cast? It’s my dream come true.

Memoir of the Man (MBC) - I like the leads a lot (Kim Dong Wook and Moon Ga Young) and I have discovered that romances with odd premises (he remembers everything, she forgets most important moments) tend to work really well for me. 

The Most Beautiful Moment in Life (tvN) - second chance romances with older protags are my fave thing, and when it stars Lee Bo Young and Yoo Ji Tae - my heart!!!

Oddball (MBN) - description is hella confusing but I always check out all the sageuks.

Psycho But It’s OK (tvN) - “ A man who denies love and a woman who doesn’t know love defy fate and fall in love, finding their souls and identities in the process. “ Yes please. Also, Kim Soo Hyun doesn’t do anything for me (I know I know) but he always picks good dramas.

Sandbox (tvN) - Suzy and Nam Joo Hyuk in what sounds like a sweet romance. I happen to like both - they have a warm on-screen vibe and good chemistry with their costars. Also (and that is not a slam), a sweet-natured romance sounds like something that plays to their strengths and avoids their limitations (thoughts of either in an intense melo or sageuk would give me hives, but there they will be perfect.)

Ssanggab Cart Bar (jTBC) - a food stall for the dead? Color me intrigued enough to want to check it out; plus Hwang Jung Eum usually has a very good taste for picking dramas. 

The Story of Gumiho (tvN) - Lee Dong Wook as a male gumiho! Jo Bo Ah as his eventual lady love! Fantasy and romance and a very happy Mousie!

Superstar Miss Lee - heroine and another lady swap souls, there is a chaebol possibly played by Yoo Seung Ho, etc etc. Sometimes I am just in the mood for a good, old-school crazy drama. 

Train (OCN) - yes, an OCN drama made it on the list, is it a parallel world? Nope, but a parallel world where OCN makes romances may be involved since it stars Kim Jae Wook (OMG yes) as a detective trying to protect his dead love in a parallel world where she is alive. Will miracles never cease? 

Welcome (KBS) - and the award for the most insane premise goes to!!! L is a cat (!!!!) who, and I quote, “mastered the art of transformation into human form.” He hooks up with his owner (!!!!!????!!!!) There is so much insanity in this, that I am already riveted, though not necessarily in a good way.    

Youth Report (tvN) - I know little about that one but Park Bo Gum has consistently picked dramas I like.

MAYBE

City of Stars: no idea if this one is happening but Ji Chang Wook playing an astronaut sounds interesting. Though he doesn’t always pick the best dramas (hello there, the awful Melt Me), he’s always fun to watch!

Danjong, the Young King (MBC) - any sageuk is at least a try but I literally found zip about this one.

The Game: Towards Zero (MBC) - honestly, the yes/no will depend on whether there is a romance. Someone who can see a dead person’s last moments pairing up with a lady detective to solve serial murders is very far out of my jam (and someone give Im Joo Hwan a leading role dammit, the man is wasted playing the inevitable serial killer) but Taecyeon is adorable even if not the best actor and I would brave this genre if he and Lee Yeon Hee (an underrated girlcrush of mine) are allowed to be a couple.

Late Night Snack Man and Woman (SBS) - bizarre title but I am fond of Sung Hoon despite his less than consistent choice of projects and a conman (who hopefully gets redeemed) sounds fun. I also think the hero pretends to be gay (!?!?!) which I haven’t seen as a major plot point since Personal Choice which could either be fun or bad, who knows.  

Memorist (tvN) - I like to watch Yoo Seung Ho but I don’t care for mysteries. Still, it’s on tvN so maybe there will be romance.

Money Game (tvN) - banking and money scheming rarely works for me, but sometimes can be a smart thing, plus I have got to check out Go Soo being back on my screen!

Penthouse (SBS) - the insane writer of The Last Emperor and Temptation of Wife. An experienced cast of my favorites with Lee Ji Ah, Shin Sung Rok and Eugene. It will most likely be a trainwreck I will ditch halfway but hope springs eternal. 

The Search (OCN) - the star of Nokdu in the DMZ? Yes!!! But OCN does no romance so my enthusiasm is diminished.

Secret - I like Park Hae Jin and Jo Bo Ah well enough, but mainly because I am damn curious if this baby will ever air!

So I Married an Anti-Fan - this a prefilmed drama that seems to find a home nowhere which means its probably not good, but the premise of an idol having to shack up with his anti-fan for publicity is too amusing for me not to at least want to peek if it actually does air. 

Touch (Channel A) - I have an oddly hormonal attraction to Joo Sang Wook (I love the really sexy middle manager look, sue me!) but idols and make-up artists and all that are not necessarily my jam. It depends on the execution.

Unique: Chef Moon - I love Eric to bits but when I start reading the description of a chef dedicated to organic cooking, I start to fall asl...zzzzzzzzz. 

WHHHHYYYYY

Hi Bye Mama - I adore Kim Tae Hee, but the premise of a dead wife and mother who comes back for 49 days to her grieving family, presumably including sad children and husband who is only now beginning to recover sounds like one only a genuine masochist could love. 

My Holo Love (netflix) - a lonely woman hooks up with an AI. Between the fact that Absolute Boyfriend poisoned me for an AI romance forever, the fact that the heroine has face blindness (isn’t that so 2018?), and that the description includes the extraordinarily maudlin “drama is filled with stories of heartbreaking loneliness and tear-stained love,” I will pass.    

Que Sera Sera - out of sheer trainwreck curiosity because I adore the original and why remake a drama that’s only a bit over a decade old, and with relative newbies. 

What’s Happened in Bali - if it ever gets made that is (please no.) The original is amazing but they are not repeating the Jo In Sung - So Ji Sub - Ha Ji Won casting miracle and there is no need for a remake; plus this drama is something that makes sense in 2005 but less so in 2020 and just generally leave a classic alone, people. 

[ofjunkrcts]

OKAY HI u guys have no idea how pumped i am for this!!!!!! i almost NEVER pick up second characters so u know that means i gotta whole lot of love in my heart for this girl :’) let’s jump right in i’m so excited!!!!!!!!!

part one: the backstory!!!!

what the fuck is up im coming at u HOT with another Hot Fucking Mess say hello to my mfn BABYGIRL frankie rivera

yes frankie is a nickname no u probably don’t know what her full name is bc undersharing is the name of the game baby

born on the wrong side of the tracks…… literally! technically the trailer park she grew up in wasn’t Actually an ashmont mailing address bc heaven forbid 100% of ashmont residents aren’t stupid rich! but thanks to the wonder that is school of choice, frankie still went to ashmont high school w the gang way back when!

(sex work tw) she was raised by her single mother who was a community college dropout when a random ass hookup ended up in her being pregnant! her mom has worked two jobs all of frankie’s life to afford the basics, being a waitress at a bar by day and also a stripper by night to make that money and provide for her daughter! and even though they barely BARELY ever had enough to make ends meet, frankie’s momma is her whole HERO so watch ur mouth

because she didn’t really have much growing up and because her mom’s demanding work schedule left her with very little supervision, she resorted to petty theft at a pretty young age. sometimes it was to get things that she or her mom needed, like medicine from the gas station down the street. sometimes it was to get things that she wanted, like if she wanted fresh fruit for breakfast. and, eventually, she ended up stealing because it was what everyone expected from someone “like her”

by the time that high school came around, frankie’s tendency for theft had surpassed means of survival and had, instead, had turned into something that she couldn’t stop herself from doing. she stole clothes, makeup, accessories, art supplies, anything and everything that the world of rich kids around her made her believe that she needed but couldn’t afford on her own and she quickly found that she couldn’t stop herself

the idea that she was constantly being judged by people who looked down on her, constantly believing that there were a set of expectations she would always be held to, constantly being seen as nothing and constantly having to prove that she wasn’t worthless — all became recurring themes in her life

the first person frankie met who changed her life was a man named mel carson, the owner of carson’s automotive shop. when she was fifteen, frankie got caught attempting to shoplift from the pharmacy of the convenience store and, really, she’d just been lucky that mel had been there and convinced the owner of the store to let her go with a warning, paying for what she’d been trying to steal. and then he’d really saved her life by offering her a job at the shop

the second person frankie met who changed her life was her art teacher, junior year. coincidentally, it was another instance where she thought that she was going to end up in trouble with the law. she’d developed a love for art at a young age, but it had always seemed untouchable until the day that she began to express herself through graffiti. it was her art teacher who found her spray painting one of the back walls of the school and, instead, of reporting her to the school or to the ashmont pd for vandalism, he looked at her and saw the talent and the passion with which her work was carefully completed. he convinced her to start taking classes, gave her a place and supplies to work in his classroom, fostered her interests and encouraged her to stick with it

she did and, by some miracle, she ended up at st e’s on a scholarship for her art after spending a year at community college, which she never thought would have happened to someone like her. opening her college acceptance letter, with her mom looking on and beaming with pride, was the first time in her life that frankie truly felt like she might be able to amount to something

now she’s out here at st e’s chilling, working at the art gallery, also running a “technically illegal because you don’t have any certification” underground auto shop in the junkyard just chilling !!!!!!! 

PART 2: PERSONALITY

as far as her personality goes, frankie can probably best be described as being single minded to the point of recklessness. she has been held accountable for very few things in her life, never really had a lot of responsibilities, was never held to a very high standard, often got away with things she shouldn’t have without seeing repercussions, etc. because of that she’s always been a bit flighty and had a difficult time seeing the full extent of the consequences of her actions 

this probably..... best displays itself in her tendency to be...... overly flirtatious with uhhh everyone all the time she is so TERRIBLE about it she is so so flirty n so so ........ Like That. i dont mean 2 be that person but like........ female danny/female noah. thats her ladies!! ready n willing to sleep w anyone at almost any moment in time 

but shes super gay so jot that down xoxo

ANYWAY. it isnt that she’s not empathetic bc she IS. she gets Way Too Attached to people and then backs out before she can fully commit bc..................

she’s also a BIG TIME commitment-phobe, terrified of letting people in and seeing the parts of her that she keeps tucked away under a cool, icy, collected exterior which mostly stems from the fact that she has a lot of repressed contempt towards people who have always viewed her as lesser because of her status, social standing, etc

i might be biased but??? i love her and think she’s a good person still??? like deep down she’s such a sweetheart she really is, she likes to just hang out in the junkyard and and go through trash that people threw away and pick out pieces of things that can be built into something new and beautiful

she’s super sentimental deep down but will throw punches if anyone tries to say that, she doesn’t give a SHIT if she’s only like 5 ft tall she will fight

she’s a baby and strongly identifies in the “junk” of the junkyard n wants someone to put effort into her to make her beautiful the way that she does to everything else and that’s on that 

OKAY. PLOTS

basically i have some in my brain already but im gonna do the tldr version of them rn so that i can POST THIS. 

first of all, GIVE HER SPICY CONNECTIONS PLS kiki is the loml n my girl but shes 2 sad 2 b spicy ever in her life so LET ME HAVE A SPICY GIRL PLS

FRIENDS!!!!! she would live and die for her friends SO VERY MUCH give her some sweet wholesome plots esp someone who was perhaps her friend back in the day 

“EXES” and i put it in quotations bc its... highly unlikely that frankie was ever 1000000% committed and in a serious relationship (OR maybe she was maybe ur character was the 1 exception that broke her heart) BUT THERE R SO MANY POSSIBILITIES FOR THIS TO GO MESSY

also she needs ROOMMATES. WHO WANTS A ROOMMATE!!!!!!!!!!!

um????? hateship?????????? didnt get along??????????// still dont get along??????????? 

IDK. MY BRAIN IS SO SCATTERED BC I AM SO EXCITED N FEELING CRAZY BUT!!!!!!!!!!! ILY

[almightanna]

cisfemale — ever hear people say ANNABEL DE LA ROSA looks a lot like ADRIA ARJONA? I think SHE is about 30, so it doesn’t really work. The AUTHOR / BALLET INSTRUCTOR has lived in Livingstone for SIX MONTHS. They can be DILIGENT, but they can also be CYNICAL. I think ANNA might be A TIER 1 SHEPHERD. ( snot goblin. 20. est. she/they. )

i’m sry this took ... so long to put out ... ive been rly lazy these past few days but !! she is Here and she is Ready. i haven’t played her in a few months and last time she was a junior in high school so !! forgive me. but she’s a very old muse and has gone thru ... several fc changes. anyways !! please give this a LIKE if you’d like for me to slide into ur ims. 

TW: POVERTY, DIVORCE SORT OF, CAR ACCIDENT, TRAUMATIC INJURIES, MENTIONS OF DEATH, GRIEF.

a e s t h e t i c s

falling feathers darkened at the tips, leather jackets and pinstripes, red trenchcoats and plaid skirts, worn ballet shoes covered in dust, smudged eyeliner and unruly hair, boxing gloves, ornate canes and pain medication, bandaged hands, classical music floating throughout an empty ballroom, bomber jackets and cropped tees, spilled ink and stained hands, glasses skewed, sneers and jabs, constant fighting, smog in a city, spotlights and encores, piles of books and a long line, backless dresses and sitting alone at a bar, wariness.

general info !!

full name: annabel maritza de la rosa

nickname(s): anna, annie (hates), anna banana (father, exclusively)

b.o.d. - october 31st. scorpio child.

label(s): the catalyst, the charlatan, the crepehanger, the minefield

height: 5′7″

hometown: nyc, ny

sexuality: bisexual

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biography !!

born to two high schoolers who never married, mathías de la rosa and leonora nieves. they were head over heels for each other - when mathías graduated he took up two jobs alongside community college to support their family, until leonora graduated and took on the arts.

growing up was tough - living in the city wasn’t cheap, leonora’s art rarely sold and the two often went without eating in order to provide for annabel. as a child she’d often wear hand-me-downs from extended family.

was taught to be a hard worker and it was reflected in her schoolwork - anna excelled in all her classes but especially english. her love for writing grew at a young age, and as a child she saved up enough money to buy herself proper journals. 

the only thing that she grew more passionate towards than writing was ballet - she caught the image of girls flying through the air and landing on their toes in the window of a dance studio on a walk home from school one day and that was it - something clicked inside of her.

that same day she would spend hours prancing about their tiny apartment, trying to mimic what she’d seen. it was easy to spot the passion anna had for the dance - and within a few months they had saved up enough money for a month’s worth of lessons.

anna was ecstatic - her slippers were old and found in the back of a thrift store by an odd miracle, but she put her all into the lessons regardless. she was quick to pick up on each move, and by the end of the month it was clear that anna had a natural talent.

leonora picked up a job in order for them to keep affording the lessons, month after month - they weighed down on their pockets, but it kept anna happy.

flash forward a few years - life was good. money was still a struggle but they were tight knit.

or rather, anna thought they were tight knit.

mathías and leonora split up when anna was twelve - an event that rocked the young girl’s world, something that she couldn’t understand. they had kept up a front of love when anna was home from school or ballet - but behind doors, they had been growing apart.

anna viewed their separation as leonora running off with another man - an art collector who had a fascination with leonora’s paintings. she viewed this as the end of the world. she viewed this as the death of love.

when anna was twelve, she swore she would never fall in love - refused to believe in its existence. she couldn’t wrap her mind around the simple separation.

her father got a third job in order to keep up with payments, and anna pushed herself in both ballet and school - not being able to handle an empty apartment. she decided to get a job - to help ease her father, but was too young.

so anna decided to do what any average 12 year old would do. she started scamming people.

she’d sell store-bought lemonade as if it were homemade, stole ceramics from art class and sold them to neighbors. she found an old girl scouts uniform in the back of a goodwill and for the next month, she sold knock-off girl scout cookies from the dollar store - going door to door.

her personality had changed drastically - anna went from a sweet, optimistic girl with warm brown eyes and an infectious laugh to cold, calculated, and downright cruel. she knew what she wanted and how to get it.

she got an invitation to a prestigious private school, full scholarship, before she hit high school - originally wanted to reject it as the thought of being surrounded by new york’s richest teens was appalling, but their ballet program was a one-way ticket into the american ballet theatre. anna ultimately accepted the scholarship.

high school was immediately hell for her - pretentious rich kids who all shared a collective brain cell and her secondhand uniform being a prime target for them.

ballet got extremely competitive - anna was a threat to every dancer in their program, bullying and sabotage became standard - but anna retaliated when possible.

this all, however, suddenly stopped when anna picked up her latest scam: faking psychic. through a small network of ‘bees’ she’d pay to gather information (gossip, rumors, etc. etc.) she was able to accurately ~see~ into students’ past, present, and potentially future affairs. the money was very worth it.

from that point forward, people were intimidated by her.

when anna was 16 she was handpicked to join the american ballet theatre’s studio company, alongside 11 other lucky individuals. her dream from that point forward was to become the youngest principal ballerina for abt - and she was going to start by winning over the role of clara in their production of the nutcracker.

she was 17 when she was chosen, much to the dismay of the other girls. she had momentarily quit her ‘psychic’ business in order to dedicate the entirety of her time towards rehearsals & practice.

the final week before her first performance as clara, anna got into a car accident heading home after another tiresome rehearsal. knocked unconscious, anna woke up three days later with no recollection of the accident - and her leg freshly operated on.

it was a devastating event that should had killed her - maybe she would had been better off if it had - but instead, it had effectively destroyed any chances of her dancing professionally.

it took two months of extensive physical therapy for anna to walk again - now relying heavily on a cane.

with ptsd and depression weighing heavily on her shoulders, anna turned back to writing - mostly as a coping mechanism, but it soon became the fierce passion it once was when she was younger.

for the remainder of her high school life, anna dedicated the majority of her time towards recovery, her writing, and directing her school’s theatre productions. oh - and claiming that almost dying had given her the gift of mediumship. it wasn’t too far off from her psychic claims - her peers believed it well enough to either stay away, or pay her for a small amount of comfort.

went to columbia after graduation on a full scholarship - it’s one of her few sources of pride - where she earned her dual degree in english & investigative journalism ( mostly because she didn’t know what she wanted to do )

wrote and published a book based heavily on her experiences as a scholarship student at a private school - YA fiction, essentially - mostly just to dip her toes in the water and become established as an author. surprisingly - the book was a hit, and has written three more in the form of a small series. she also wrote a small book on what it’s like being a ‘psychic medium’.

annabel only came to livingstone after the apner family had left her a hefty email - pleading with her to connect to their dead son. it was in livingstone that annabel heard of the watershed app - and it was from there that her interest was peaked. she immediately found herself involved as a tier 1 shepherd.

she’s partially there to take notes - to learn as much about the app as she can - and partially to strengthen and build her side-business, though she had thought she was retired. the con, however, is too great to resist. essentially - she wants to become a high enough tier to learn the dirt on everybody, and then use that for her psychic business. 

decided to become a dance instructor due to her experience as a ballerina, but because she can’t really ... dance, has assistants that help her.

personality !!

lives in a semi-decent apartment downtown where the elevator would break every other week until she threatened her landlord and it was magically fixed permanently  :^)

that being said - she’s not the friendliest person. knows what she wants and how to get it, and will not hesitate to use people or push them out of her way in order to achieve her goals.

her cutthroat nature was the reason for her success in academics and dance - her students are all terrified of her, and rightfully so. she teaches dancers between the ages of 16-24. while incredibly hard on them - she’d rip someone a new one if they tried to hurt any of her students.

horribly stubborn - if she’s got an idea of you already in her mind, then it’s hard to convince her otherwise.

still uses a cane - in fact, she can’t really walk without it - unless she wants to be in pain.

it’s sturdy, ornate, and pretty fucking solid. doubles as a weapon if need be - has definitely ... hit people with it before, though she’s calmed down now that she’s older.

used to be very angry, very defensive as a teenager and young adult - is still the same, just ... less intense. will not hesitate to speak her mind and let her opinions known - especially in the face of injustice.

doesn’t really have the best ... relationship with authority, mainly because of where she was raised and her con-artist businesses. tends to be snarky and sarcastic to anybody in charge - or really, anybody in general. 

pretty distrusting, pretty emotionless on the outside, doesn’t like to be seen as weak or somebody to be pitied. keeps herself closely guarded and doesn’t really let others ‘inside’ due to her own comfort levels.

swore off love when she was 12 and during a fluke mid-twenties, wound up engaged. called off the engagement when she found her groom-to-be and her bridesmaid-slash-cousin together. very classic - very re-enforcing of a few of her greatest fears.

she’ll sleep around but dating is out of the question, for the most part - she’s been on a few blind dates, a few casual get-togethers - but she’s always the one to break things off. is more of a careful hook-up kind of gal.

still does her psychic medium business !! sometimes she wonders if she’s a bad person because of it - but ultimately, it’s on her customers for believing in all that nonsense anyway. anna herself is a skeptic - doesn’t believe in anything unless she can see it and feel it.

her apartment is still half-packed, half-unpacked, because she honestly cannot be bothered. got out the essentials and that was it. still has her ballet shoes, still has all of her awards for competitions she’s won - they’re just in a box tucked away somewhere labeled ‘do not open’.

is actually ... a pretty sentimental person, doesn’t take anything she’s got for granted, and is hugely appreciative of her father. sends him money when she can. hasn’t spoken to her mother in years - pretty sure she’s got a step / half-sibling or two but she’s never met them. 

a lone wolf and likes it that way, but she isn’t super opposed to friendship - even if she won’t necessarily call anybody a friend. appreciates others who are similar to her - got their head on right, and knows what they want in life.

has a pretty bad fear of driving - will uber if she needs to go anywhere - even then, being in cars makes her pretty anxious. still has ptsd-induced panic attacks, though she’s managed them pretty well.

doesn’t really do drugs! will smoke weed to ease the ache and her nerves, but otherwise she only takes what is prescribed for her. doesn’t drink anything hard, either. big fan of beer and wine. probably gets wine drunk home alone late at night ... like ... two times a week.

goes between being high strung and uncaring - she’s not especially moody ( rather, is just consistently angry for whatever reasons ) but she definitely tries to bottle everything up.

probably keeps pepper spray on her at all times, even though she’s got her cane. has a gun in her apartment, cat ear brass knuckles on her keychain. she’s not paranoid, she just likes being prepared.

kind of wants to write a novel based off of watershed so! she takes a lot of notes - tends to be very observant.

has a soft spot for children, animals, and soft women. kind of person who will put herself in the line of danger in order to protect others - even if she doesn’t necessarily know them too well.

also the kind of person who’ll set something on fire - or do something because you’ve told her not to. incredibly spiteful when wronged. will raise hell if need be.

morally ambiguous tbh.

wanted connections !!

maybe ... a roommate? i imagine her living alone but i also like the idea of having roommate so :^)

she’s sort of new in town so ! acquaintances. people who’ve seen her in town and are curious. people who’ve seen her like ... kick someone’s tire in a small fit of rage or spend 20 minutes trying to coax a cat into coming near her so she could pet it.

fans of her books !!

someone from new york who recognizes her from whatever !! whether it’s from newspaper details of her incident, her legacy at her private school, someone who went to the same college as her, her legacy as a ballerina before her incident, etc. etc.

has taken up boxing recently - so somebody whose helping her at the gym?

someone who tried to like. help her cross the road or something because they saw her with her cane and she yelled at them so now they’re in this weird spot.

students !! if somebody does ballet - she might be teaching them.

alternately, one of her assistants !!

someone she’s soft for for whatever reason :/

hookups !! preferably mid-20s to like. late-30s. she’s not a cougar, i’m sorry :(

somebody who wants her to be a cougar. and she just has to keep rejecting them.

customers who come to her for psychic readings and like. comfort in the form of talking to the dead.

people skeptical of her !! maybe trying to ruin her in some way.

other shepherds. someone higher up that she’s trying to manipulate in some way for her own benefits.

a drunk one night stand that neither wants to talk about.

a pregnancy scare with another, separate one night stand! it turned out to be nothing, but there was some. weirdness. between them afterwards.

a blind date or two dnfjgkmh

someone she ghosted :/

someone she’s like, protected from a creep at a bar or a club ! and now they feel indebted towards her and she’s just like uuuh no. stop.

annoyances !!

like ... maybe a pal or two, or three. mainly just people she gets along with !!

on the other end - something where they just. despise each other for whatever reason. pure hatred.

hatred but make it sexy.

a dealer because even though she can get medical marijuana ... it’s good to have a lil extra on ya :)

people She’s suspicious of for whatever reason - someone she caught doing something. suspicious. untrustworthy.

someone where their mail keeps getting mixed up.

uuh really im down for anything !!

[marsixm]

edit sorry this post is both long (if the readmore fails i am truly truly sorry) & longwinded im just reflecting and thinking; (another edit: u can probably just read the tl dr and get it)

anyway allow me to spin some very personally based theory here for a mo while i put off/warm my fingers up from the cold in preparation to email my therapist

so growing up i had, i think only, het ships, but i never quite had the ones you were (narratively speaking) “supposed to” have

in most media i recall when i was a kid, there were like, 2 diff structures of character romance plot arcs in media i consumed, there was the main lead and 2 best friends model, where thered be the star of the show who had outside romantic leads and the 2 best friends (who were always a boy and a girl) would have their secondary romance, OR there were ensemble shows where there was a more clear romance set up between the main boy and main girl, then side characters whod pair off in whatever ways ended up happening. in the first, see: hannah montana, the second, see: zoey 101. obv this isnt a hard rule and there were loads of exceptions but like, lets just say i tended not to care for the romances set up for the main girls in the trio models, or quite as hard for the main boy and girl in the ensembles, and in general if there was an obvious romance between two leads i either didnt care or outright hated it

basically i never liked the ships they set up for us in straight media, as a kid (namely, a girl) i liked being that “ew pink!” “i hate valentines day” sort of contrarian, but what i remember actually disliking was the predictability of it, because i clearly still shipped characters, so it wasnt /really/ that i hated romance, per se

looking back on it i think it was probably or at least to a degree more like that i hated the hetero expectation of it- i can nit pick down to more specific examples of why i disliked the main pairings (kataang, for example, i thought was weird bc katara acted like a mother/older sister figure to aang, and i didnt feel like there was romance between them at all except where it felt shoehorned in) - maybe it was also that i thought it made more sense for a main character to be with someone they clearly already spent a lot of time with and not some random new hot boy in town (i very distinctly remember shipping miley and oliver on hannah montana, and i believe that was the first time i ever read fanfiction @ age like... 11 lol) as is often the case w like these things.

theres another level to this though, which is that i notice i tended to ship characters who were more vaguely similar to each other, like, physically (ie, similar heights, or hair colors mainly) obviously this is funny now since my main pairing is johnlock which is such a physically different ship we can construct them from basic shapes and colors and theyre still recognizable as who they are, but i have some thoughts about this- but i think there might be two interesting things about this again in retrospect

first of all, this sounds silly ik, but shipping the vaguely similar ones as a child’s way of queering heterosexuality is an interesting concept and not that difficult, like, two boys are also vaguely similar to each other in a similar way a boy and a girl with the same hair color and height might be, which is something i thought of a while ago

the other way in which this is really interesting to me now, that i think might have been more actually pertinent to myself as a trans child, is that i think i shipped the characters i did in an attempt to morph the concept of boy and girl? to find the boy counterpart to every girl??? that second one makes more sense actually. anyway, i digress

2 start off i definitely had gender feelings starting from a very young age so i think these observations ring more true than just reflections, PERHAPS

so the first thing i remember shipping, ie wanting them to be together, thinking about it an inordinate amount of time outside watching the films, even imagining them eating ice cream together in their pjs (i was NINE DHFJGghfkg) was jack sparrow & elizabeth swan from potc (basically my franchise of choice as a kid bc i never read harry potter) now this doesnt quite fit the “visually similar” thing bc actually orlando bloom looks more like kiera knightly and is prob due to them like making out in one movie, but i think this works for the “shipping as gender expression” theory, because elizabeth swan dressed up as a boy, spent most of that movie wearing boy’s clothes, etc- meanwhile jack was a wacky pirate which like hello duh i’d want to be. so i wonder if beyond the fact that they kissed and flirted, there was something to this concept of me wanting two characters to be together, meant i wanted to marry together two conceptual things happening with two characters, or absorb the cool dude and the boyish girl characters into each other to make one whole archetype for myself? i likewise shipped aang and toph (toph who, normally doesnt really have anyone to be shipped with, since she likes sokka but he has a gf) who we all know is the VERY boyish girl character, so boyish im p sure her actually being a trans dude later in life is a p decently accepted headcanon (i dont actually delve into aatla fandom though so i can only hope) 

another thing about this ship thing, is most of my ships had brown hair (like miley and oliver), just like i always have, and in certain cases the girl character would look a LOT like me (i also shipped logan and quinn on zoey 101, which to my surprise n delight actually came true later (although looking back im like... 11 yr old me is glad they made out a lot but adult me is like uhhh why were the kids on this show making out a lot? anyway thats another issue) and i def was a weirdo girl with glasses and long brown wavy hair) which sort of further fuels my feeling that this was an attempt by my brain to do 1 of 2 things, if my own involvement really was a greater motivating factor in this thing, 1. ship MYSELF with a boy (which is like def possible for my gay kinnie ass, but not quite my thesis here) or 2. morph these boy and girl counterparts by imagining them together, seeing them together, etc

for example, i realize now, when i was a kid i drew an avatar sona for myself and said sona looked an awful lot like how id imagine a katara/zuko fusion would be, and the fact that i shipped zutara (very hard lol) was what lead me down this thought path rn

i feel like even to me this concept sounds weird and far fetched but like, gem fusion made enough sense for someone to write with its clearly, usually, romantic implications and we all “get” that, so whom knows???

another thing ive noticed while writing this is for a good few of these ships you can argue the boys in them can be read gay, like jack sparrow and zuko and aang, which feels even more strongly like me trying to marry my gay boy feelings to my tomboy realities [thinking emoji]

the biggest reason i think this makes sense to me is because when i was 10 i became obsessed with the idea that this boy i was friends with and i were secretly twins separated at birth, like i was so into the concept that we looked alike, i like hoped and wished so hard for it to be true, i wished a christmas miracle would happen for fucking real and a magic door in my house would open and be his new room and itd all work out perfectly! and you might think this was a manifestation of my difficulties with my family and wishing to leave it, but in my dream world my parents were still my parents and he came to live with us- which makes me think the obsession of ME looking like this BOY was a manifestation of my gender feelings, which i think can maybe be traced to this concept of pairing a visually similar, possibly gay, brunette boy to every brunette and/or tomboyish girl

anyway. if you actually read all of this id love it if you lmk somehow (doesnt need to be a like) like this is clearly very long and strange but i hope it makes sense. i think i stop myself a lot from ever commenting on gender or theory or whatever but i am a living breathing trans person who has experienced things and i have opinions and i dont think im claiming anything destructive with this lol i think its not unusual to reflect on the way you interacted with the world as a gay/trans kid

also im obviously not saying that shipping straight things is somehow inherently queer, im not trying to retroactively claim something about straight ships, like, those two characters are still functionally straight, and i definitely also shipped probably all of them for normal shipping reasons (although, kid ones, so less “oh theres a lot of ACTUAL romantic subtext between these two” but rather “oh theyre friends and would be cute together!” (or like they kissed and i was like O: )) but im just trying to theorize about something its possible my tiny trans brain was trying to express- and who knows maybe im not the only one!

anyway i guess the TL;DR is: when i was a kid i had a lot of “unconventional” straight ships- i already observed that i eschewed the main canon pairings in kids media in what was probably my tiny baby brains rejection of hetero culture, but i also actively shipped side characters who looked like me, and also looked like each other (ie, both tall and brunette, a boy and girl counterpart of Each Other) OR characters who seemed to be a gayish boy and a tomboyish girl, and im theorizing that maybe the reason that was was my tiny trans brain wanting to gem fusion those two together because of my Gender Feelings and fuse the boy with the girl and this desire manifested in shipping therefore thinking about a lot these pairings of boy and girl counterparts

[alphaedd]

What's your opinion about the red leader/tord design?

ohhh, I’ll give it to you with pleasure anon ! I hope you’re ready, long rant ahead bc im an art student and that means, I’m Overly Technical, I Throw Personal Opinions Around, And I’m Probably Too Mean For What Eddsworld Is

for those who did not see it :

anyway

so let’s start with starters. shape. when you first look at the design you notice immediatly : it’s triangles and rectangles (aside from the lonely ass knee pads. and belt which are just “shield” coded) what the fuck this mean ?? well, triangles = DANGURUS, S H A R P n shit. you get it, the codes for danger and stabby shit. it’s also the code for hierarchies n such cause pyramids. this guy is high in the hierarchies, this guy is made to step on people and shred them. curvy + pointy = teary. simple designs maths. its ideal for cartoon characters who are pretty outside = inside coded. after, ngl, they went /super basic/, whats “expected” when you go with that. rectangle legs and feet, triangle torso, square jaw, yadda yadda… they laid down the stereotypes and called it a day.

now let’s see the colours, which are treated pretty much the same. you have classic black for darkness, evil and death, classic red for blood, war and yadda yadda, eletric blue for electricity and basic robot aesthetics, gold for power and wealth and royalty, and of course because tord is a basic tankie bitch who wears the communist colours. theyre p average but at least they aren’t at full saturation so-

anyway. next layer of rant. the “themes” for the clothes. ok its just, obvious magneto copycat with a mix of the clothes from typical centurion outfit but robot and your average modern army clothes. we get it, honour, strenght, war, evil, yadda yadda. extra average. looks like the phantoms from the zelda franchise too. symetric but not too much cause arms. and tbfh they bother me- the robotic one just…. doesn’t make sence ? you have precise groups of muscles that are set in a precise way to move one way or another. and this arm simply just doesn’t respect them at all and they dont seem to be any sort of functional whatsoever in their setup. I’m not sure how he could lift his arms with his shoulders pillons setup this way. I also fail to understand how the robot exoskeleton on the other arm works, and I honestly find it God Damn Ugly like bitch ! that aint following no movement whatsoever. it’s fucking shapeless, yikes ! yea point being, nice try but it’s super average and the arms would need a Lot of work. also capes are terrible in modern fights because they get stuck everywhere and if there’s wind they can make it harder to be stable which is shit if you need to aim at stuff but w/e.

however, what’s interesting is a winks about the previous stuff, namely the black hoodie. it’s funny cause tord’s developpement went a bit like this, when you look : nerd who faps at hentai and loves guns -> asshole who doubles as miracle scientist with dreams a little too big to be good -> kylo ren- okay okay that was a joke. but point stands still, total dictator who is a little too edgy for his own good, literally wants to rule the world as an absolute god. it’s very stereotypical but if they had made part 2 of tord’s developpement a lil more funny, I bet it’d have gone well. they switched tones and its where it just didnt work. eh well.

so yeah summed up, its a very average design. hard to distinguish from your average mary sue. but, guess what ? mary sues can be pulled off with the right universe. they can go and make him a villain that smashes everything with little thoughs and… itd be perfectly in line with what he did previously. I mean, cmon. we’re talking about “I moved in the house of my ex friends and bugged them for ages and bullied them and blew up their house when i couldve just pretended to come for a visit of a day or just broken in to get the robot and be done with it, aka im an edgelord doing unecessary shit just for the sake of wrecking stuff”. of course that guy would want overdone outfits that barely look functionnal ! of course hed be like these stereotypical brute leaders ! hes a walking parody of them- after yeah, couldve done it better. couldve either pushed the evil even deeper into the stereotypes to make it ridiculous just like that outfit. i could see it with the new costume. that or, tord trying to be evil, but his outfit just… keeps getting in the way. stepping on the cape/getting it stuck in doors, barely being able to move his arms, constantly suffocating under the headgear, etc… could work. but I can’t see tomska make it work, sorry. i say a lot of things here but ngl, I’m 90% sure they didn’t think of even half of what I said when they did the design. so lol.

anyway, hold my faygo. i have the rep of being a wizard able to make anything look good n hot. so sit down and watch while i demonstrate. see also : tweaking a lil the design

(didnt turn as good as planned so will give another shoot tommorow. i still cant draw hoodie hoods fdjskdjdsk)

Big Sib, [06.02.18 23:30]he goes out and poledances in the same outfit, probably

[jojosbunnyadventure]

I was wondering how you made the rabbit cage where you got the materials etc

lumber, cable ties, hinges, nails, linoleum tiles, superglue, screws, mechanical screwdriver, (optional) hand saw- home depot

storage cube grids- probably better to order these online, but we got em at bed bath and beyond.

make sure you read all the steps here before starting, since it’s hard to include all the information you need in one step and you might do something too early and have to undo it. i also probably forgot stuff...its hard to remember everything i did.

STEP ONE(measurements and preparation): first we measured the space that the cage was going to go. it is not an easy cage to move around once constructed unless you detach the floors/cut some of the cable ties, and even then it is pretty cumbersome. to move it on carpeted floors i have had to use furniture sliders. keep this in mind before building the cage: is it going to stay in that spot? will you be moving soon? do you have carpet or wood floors? theyre all things to consider before you start. if you have wood floors you will want something to go under this cage because it is likely to damage the floor otherwise.

STEP TWO(buy storage cube grids, do more measurements): after you’ve measured the space, you need to know the dimensions of the storage cube grids. they dont all come in the same size, so i can’t provide this to you. the reason you want the dimensions first is so you know what size to cut your lumber. i watched a youtube video to see what materials i would need, and in the video they cage was four grids long. after measuring the space and buying the grids, i decided that it was better if i made ours three grids long. as you can see in the post, it is also two grids wide, and each cage section is two grids tall. the goal was to make a big cage for two rabbits, so it is four grids tall in total. each section of the floor(except for the bottom one) has grids supporting it as well. this means we used 56 grids for the entire cage.

STEP THREE(purchase wood and other materials): the wood needs to be untreated wood. no processed woods with glues in them. likely the rabbits will chew on them so its better not to risk them consuming any weird chemicals. you can use treated wood for the bases,(especially if it’s lighter wood) since the rabbit will not have access to that part. it will be covered by the grids and the floor tiles. when cutting the lumber, you’ll want to make it so the base floor section fits inside the grids. the grids will sit on the floor around it. the floor sections will also need a sort of lip around them to attach the grids to. it’s hard to describe so just look at this picture to see how the wood sections go.

as you can see we messed up cutting the lumber on one side, so we just had to put it together as best we could. also youll notice the ramps are some kind of particle board material...i wasnt comfortable with that so i took them out later and we have yet to replace them. it’s been a tough year financially and i cant drive so i haven’t made the trip out to home depot to get new wood...we also haven’t adopted another rabbit yet for the same reasons. jojo has been using the bottom section of the cage and that alone is huge enough for me to fit inside pretty comfortably so i’m not too worried about him having limited space for a while.

STEP FOUR(floor tiles, then put all the wood together): you will want stick-on linoleum floor tiles to cover the floors of the cage. this is just to make sure things are more sanitary if your bunny pees on the floors. pee will probably still get on the sides of the wood if your bunny is not litter trained, but there is nothing you can do about that. basically just install the floor tiles as you would in your kitchen, with the edges flush against one another so your bunny can’t dig them up. i would reccomend you use superglue(the kind that works on these materials) around the bottom edges for added security. depending on what kind you use, the glue will take time to cure. this applies to every step of the project, but make sure the room is well ventilated. between the the wood and the glues, it might build a strong smell in a small room. this is something you want aired out before you put bunnies in because theyre more sensitive to fumes than we are. after we were done the smell was strong enough for us to notice, but it did go away eventually.

once the floor tiles are secured on, you can drill the wood sections together. don’t put the floor tiles on afterwards or you will have an awkward time getting them in there. since the tiles are thin they are easy to drill through.

STEP FIVE(attach the grids together): the grids themselves are secured together with cable ties. this might seem structurally unsound, but it really works if you use a lot of them. you will most likely use over a thousand cable ties in the process, so get a big bag. it doesnt hurt to have extras. just lay the grids out on the floor and tighten each section together. for added security, make an “X” shape with the ties at the corners. for the horizontal-laying grids that support the floor sections, make sure to attach them together with as many cable ties along the edges as you can. when it’s all put together it can support the weight of the wood and it’s very secure. if you want to take the cage apart you will have to cut some of the cable ties with a wire cutter. IMPORTANT- make sure you don’t attach all the grids together before putting the wood in or you’ll have to cut the cable ties again. we did this. woops. for the doors, just make sure a section of the grids in the middle is only attached with cable ties on one side. you can use a binder clip or something to lock the doors when they are closed.

STEP SIX(construct the wood pieces together): you will need a mechanical screwdriver to screw the wood together. i would also recommend having a hand saw in case the wood was cut too large at the hardware store...you really dont want to make the trip all the way back out there. it’s good to have the exact measurements written down when you get the wood cut so there arent any mistakes, but as mentioned we messed it up somehow anyway. it works as long as the wood is secured together properly and fits inside the grids. drill holes on the outer lips and put cable ties through them to secure the grids to the floor sections.

STEP SEVEN(ramps): the ramps need to be long enough so that it isn’t too steep for the bunny to climb up, and they need to be wide enough for the bunny’s body to fit onto. we don’t want bunny to fall. we nailedd thin, rounded pieces of wood(it comes in long sticks at the hardware store, dunno what its called) at short intervals up the ramps as a sort of grip for the bunnys feet. they dont have pads at the bottom of their feet so i think this makes it easier to climb up. you will need door/gate hinges for the ramps to attach to each floor and to drill them on. i would drill the hinge to the floor part first, then attach it to the ramp. looking at the picture our cage is actually two separate cages stacked on top of each other. we plan to cut a section out of the second “floor” and add another ramp to it later. you want to do this during construction if it’s going to be one entire cage from the start.

STEP EIGHT(check your work): make sure everything is secure and attached. the finished cage should be really strong and sturdy. clean the floor sections of any wood shavings, residues or plastic from the cable ties before letting bunny in the cage. the tiles make the cage easy to clean, using a dustpan and then wiping down with an animal-safe cleaner like nature’s miracle. hopefully bunny will use the ramps and climb to the other sections of the cage. if they dont do this eventually, consider getting wider ramps or something to make them easier to get onto.

sorry i could not make the instructions more clear. let me know if you have questions! it has been several months since we built this so im fuzzy on the details and mightve forgotten something. look up “rabbit cage storage cube grids” on youtube and you might find similar projects. i got the idea from watching one of these and tried to follow it, but we had to improvise some of the details ourselves. it took three days to put together and then several weeks afterwards airing out the room when we realized we had left the cage in there to build up fumes. but jojo loves the cage now.

[haeroniel-doliet]

gah another 5 am post eh fellas

fuck i really wanna do ballet. i really rarely become obsessed (if ever) with anything, but for once i’m so so so so soso wanting to do ballet. so bad. i know i might hate it bc im fucing not musical at all, so not in shape, so not comfortable or etc. but at least im 18,(wait fuck 19 now)  and not 45 trying to get in it all stiff and stuck and i think based on all the sweet positivity to adult ballet starters beginners and sure i wont perform professionally but fuck man i dont think i need that. i just want that grace and flexibility and elegance and gah itd be fabulous. i mean even now im pretending to look for turn out and walk around the house like they do in point shoes and i try fix my posture tothe advice by a ballet dancer youtuber who ive been watching so much of. i just i really wanna do it. 

saddest fucking thing is guys, that i could’ve had the chance to go to the fucking royal ballets adult absolute beginner classes. in london. i could have. fuck. u wanna know what happened? i found out about it like a month or two ago and was fucking psyched bc its one of those things that just is too good to be true. the best company in uk?? w adult classes? while im in london?? yeah id have to miss a few weeks bc. whoops i gotta go back up to do my exams,but i couldve at least done a few weeks, come back and done a few last so i’d have had the best opportunity to give this a go in the best environment and then have a kindling to go off with to other available ballets. and not start with some barely managing person in a shitty studio thing. idk. sure so i tell my parents so fuckin excited bc look! its possible! but yeah its expensive, wouldve been abt 90 pound w me being a student and id have to miss 3/10 classes. but still! thin of it gah its making me so sad happy. sad bc guess its now sold out. of fuckin course it is. i told my mom and she just was uhmm ohh i dunno i dunno, oh its adults i could do it, and thinking that maybe getting her involved would mean i have a better chance of going, dont care much for her company but if shed take it as a bonding thing hell, i’ll probably do better than her in class and minor confidence boost as well as if they all others are old old i wont be alone. and she could pass over what they learned when im up in scotland. Guess that was a fuckin mistake. she got all nervous and self concious and put it off with a we’ll see we’ll see about it im thinking. and making it a whole thing like instead of me wanting to go so bad and offering for fun that shed join me, as if im trying to pressure her into doing it and would only go along to make her feel better. uh.... fucking wrong! im so mad actually. bc of course, no matter how often i mentioned it she wouldnt take it seriously to even consider booking me in! no no of course not we’ll see. and then i check before im coming back, dreading and being right that yep. theyre fucing sold out. of course they are its such a fanstastic opportunity! my only fucking opportunity! when ever again am i going to live in london with weeks free to go participate in that? when ever again? never. theyre moving out of london this summer and fuck. just doing some research and the scottish ballet is in fucking glasgow. yes i was supposed to get there if i hadnt been so shit with studying for my exams. (sure i wouldnt be doing archery and wouldnt have all the other wonderful things i now enjoy in aberdeen but fuck its frustrating) and ofc. aberdeen seems to have: one shady dance company that offers ballet fusion. not adult ballet classes. another shady school that practices at robert gordons that have no website nothing. no info how to sign up or if they have adult classes or when its so stupid and weird. maybe ill have to contact them directly idk. sure my uni has a what seems to be a thriving dance society that i have a glitched out membership for. (its 50 pound a year and i have cerrainly not paid that) and i guess they do ballet on the side. but again from a glance around, looks its only intermediate. not beginners. dont think theres that many uni age girls who just wanna start ballet now. 

so it looks bleary. even in finland, i cant understand body parts in finnish so that might just be frustrating if i could even find a place that offers it. not that i’ll have long at all in finland. ill be there barely a month before heading back to uni and i come back holidays. if i wanted to take one of these eleven week courses, i think id have to geta fuckin liscence and a car and drive to glasgow 3 hrs both ways for a class once a week and that sjust stupid. im so fucking mad about this missed opportunity. like my muscles are itching and aching to do it. my legs want to work out in ballet positions. they just rly do. yeah maybe ill have to start doing barre at home from videos to try ease that, but its not gonna be the same and ill do it all wrong bc i have no teacher to direct me or anything. correct either. sure if i had done it and loved it i might still be mad that i have no opportunities to continue like i want to, but at least id have that expereince and could keep practicing at home based off of it.  i am genuinely upset okay. upset betrayed disappointed sad twitchy and ugh. sure tickets go on sale today to swan lake after exams. and by fuck will i go see it. and ill get all the background before it and know it inside and out before i see it (already kinda do) and i will love it. ill bemaybe more upset and more twitchy that i cant do it, that i cant be lie them and that rly sucks. i really really wish by some miracle the school would offer summer courses so that i could just, get myself after exams into one. also another frustrating thing not quite so pressing on my mind is how my dad wants me to get summer jobs, maybe even two. one here and one in finland. sure it should theoretically be easier getting it here, esp. since im 19 now and yeah. i could work in a cafe or store just to get money and have smth to put on a cv thats not 2 weeks. but i dunno i dont particularly want to, i was hoping in london i could get the most of it culturaly (considering ive been a pouting and sad whailer whos not done anything for the last two years) then again i have p much no friends here so if i did go work somewhere theres a slight chance thered be someone i get along with and could hang out w. or visit if i needa back in london. i dunno. things are weird. sure i could try get an admin job w nhs like some lady suggested but its one of those too much responsibilty things, consdiering im shit with work i kinda would prefer to do some physical job like stacking shelves in a shop bc im good at that. but thats not gonna help me in the future. money yes, but cv building or careers wise? nah. i should owrk in hospitality or smth i dunno even i can barely get thru my work to pass rn so  i dunno about job searching. im jsut a mess am i not. regardless maybe i should look if theres other ballet schoolsin london. be desperate, get a job and a ballet class going over summer and do art on the free time i guess. 

okay so fer now ive found a course for like fucking 156 pound thats a 2 day full days course that looks mad cool for having different classes to learn vocab and etc and then a bit of fucking swanlake like yooo.. best thing its in like july but thats also possibly bad bc its july 28-29 and july 30 we move out. man it could be cool tho. then they offer there as well a taster session p much every other week and then a full 8 weeks of class p near by to me. sure this is specifically taught by a man and id prefer a woman but, i guess. since its ideal timing and place. and i got wondering why thats 150 and the national ballet wouldve been abt 90 and i guess there i get concession and it wouldve been only 6 classes considering the dates they had off. i should rly ask if they do do concession bc 150 is a bit steep still. for 8 classes thats almost 20 pound for 75 mins. its kinda insane. theres probably more companies i havent looked at but there is one other thats like a drop in thing 10 pound cash each class and thats a 90 mins so it might be better. ofc. obv. fault being that its drop in so being an absolute beginner w likely a lot older adults idk how id fit in or keep up or get hte most of it. i think ill go try it once regardless. then when back in abdn ask around for taster sessions and beginner ballet. worst comes to worst i wait another 4 years till i get to a big enough city that they have a nice ballet company and somewhere i can live like an adult but also get in on adult ballet and enjoy myself. maybe my industrial placement city will have  a ballet company idk. 

all i know is that im a bit obsessed and everyone says to go for your dreams etc. and as much as i enjoy archery (slowly gonna dedicate to it) and aikido (though training can be frustrating and training with old men isnt that fun) and ice skating is another less of a dream but in the same realm as ballet. that im gonan get new skates for and give it a better try. i just think ballet could  be so fucking rad and im sad that its not so easy rn. and that my mom fucked me over. for that one course that couldve been cheap and amazing and mindchanging. to go to the ballet knowing what some of it feels like would be great. sure id love  a chance to do some after as well u know. ofc it sucks it might cost a couple hundred over summer to these hobbies and i feel iffy spending 180 on a quality waterproof jacket. sure. they spend it but, im v concientious and dont wanna spend much of their money esp cus im not making my own. i guess logically, i should put a bunch of effort to getting thru this term rly well without lies and get a sumemr job. that way, i could theoretically take loan from my parents  and pay back with summer job money w some left over to do as i like with (yeah i should save it for sensible shit but idk) also considering how nice i am my dad might not even want me to pay back. look i dunno. thats an idea. be good, be rewarded w ballet classes and an unstrained relationship w my parents, joyously move back to finland and start next term w a clean slate, hopefully more help and new determination into hobbies. maybe i wanna do 4 sports since i never did much as i was younger. tho sure, i did aikidos cousin taekwondo. ive shot a bow and arrow whenever i had a chance. ive skated since literally like 3 yrs old. and i used to take a form of dance a alot younger. sure no musicality but i think the exercises would be great for my knees and legs and butt and torso and posture. htese are fun sports since i dont like to work out. and since im not comfortable enough in myself to go swim. 

[bartsugsy]

then why would you want aaron to be with him? or do you not like aaron either?

Aksjsjsks oh u know me anon, a true aaron hater 😂😂😂

im dying

WELCOME TO MY TEDX TALK TBQH HERE WE GO

i think, i mean first of all, aaron obviously loves and wants to be with robert, but can’t be at the moment because there’s a baby and also tbh because robert needs to get his god damn shit together

aaron… clearly doesn’t care that much about the immorality behind the shit robert pulls. aaron’s morals are sort of just as fucked up - in mean, they met THROUGH CRIME. they’re both sort of awful. rob is a lot more shameless about it but aaron robbed home farm and kidnapped lachlan all by himself, for instance 😂 he’s a true dingle, that one. since they got back together, aaron’s concerns have usually been, in canon, more along the lines of: pls don’t let robert put himself in jail and also does robert love me enough

on the first point, see: ssw and “i could lose you”, the police questioning rob about withdrawing the money to pay ryan, the argument over breaking lucky out of jail.

on the second: everything about the rebecca saga - i think aaron actually understood that rob was using her for her connection to the whites and the chance to get some more money (see: the talk in the back room after finding out about the kiss) but that didn’t stop him from feeling uncomfortable about it and so the question was always this awful mix of - does he love me enough to stay faithful and does he love me more than he loves money and scheming?

and that’s been the sticking point. canon has shown robert actively dropping scheming with rebecca/making money for aaron (aaron’s birthday) and also obviously there was that whole BURNING 10K thing smh - robert does love aaron more than he loves money and power but at the same time, oh boy does he love money and power! and he makes some fucked up choices around them.

the actual issue of why they broke up is more around obviously rob knocking up rebecca - which happened more because rob was genuinely angry at aaron, angrier than he’d been in such a long time. i’ve spoken about this so many times, but as far as robert was aware at that moment, he’d spent all this time struggling without aaron, unable to sleep, pouring money into a lawyer to try and get him out early and here’s aaron, disregarding all of that, taking drugs and threatening his chances of early release

and aaron going to prison? that’s something aaron did by himself (and ok also finn) that hurt robert and liv. a lot. that’s something that affected them both horrendously that was aaron’s fault. i have a friend whose dad punched someone at work which led to him getting fired and his mum literally up and left him - that level of violence against others really can break up relationships. aaron put someone in hospital and went to prison for it and robert chose to stay and didn’t hold it against aaron - until that one moment of weakness, where everything was a little too much, and he allowed himself to really be angry at aaron for putting them in that situation - and he fucked up massively. because he’s an idiot. and also probably because he has some issues around putting aaron on a pedestal sometimes and seeing aaron itching for more spice and being really very, horribly, awfully human was very very difficult for robert at that moment.

like. aaron put someone in hospital and robert barely said a word to aaron about it. that’s insane. and mirrored in a lot of ways in aaron’s initial reaction to staying with robert after the reveal and finding out about the baby. they both have the worst communication issues and also they are both so desperate to stay with each other that they overlook things that need to be talked about and dealt with. and that’s what’s been getting them in trouble since the moment they got together properly.

anyway, i’m literally more sympathetic towards the ons than i am basically anything else robert has ever done e v e r, which is ironic because that’s the one thing that fucked up robert’s life and ultimately pushed aaron away.

and ok let’s look at what aaron knew, from his side, that was expressed in canon, in the most simplistic form we can:

robert was angry at aaron for taking spice and slept with rebecca to hurt him, regrets it massivelyrebecca is now pregnant and not getting rid of the baby and also not leaving the village or going anywhere robert doesn’t want the baby but also is sort of fucked up about itaaron wants to be with robertaaron thinks robert would be a good dadaaron wants robert to spend time with his child if that’s what robert wants (because he very much loves robert)aaron doesn’t want rebecca to spend time with robert and does not know how to handle the fact that the baby is a reason why that has to happenin fact, rebecca being around is a constant reminder of the worst parts of robert and all those parts that he gave into earlier this yearand she has clearly expressed to aaron that she wanted to steal robert from him aaron has no real reason to trust that robert wouldn’t end up with rebecca despite everything because aaron is only human and its natural to be insecure about ur partner spending time with an ex who they kissed and also slept with in the last yearaaron wants to believe that robert only wants himaaron pushed most of that resentment on rebecca moreso than robert because that was an easier option for himultimately, he also resents robert and it doesn’t take much pushing for him to take that anger out on robert as well as rebecca, with almost deadly consequencesthe whole situation, likely in conjunction with the fact that he’s already experienced a lot of trauma earlier that year in prison which we are reminded of with the jason call back when aaron tries to buy spice again, is horrific for aaron’s mental healthaaron removes himself from the situation - both because he himself is struggling and because he almost killed robert - he says that he doesn’t need this and neither does robert.

i know i’ve seen a lot of people say that robert was the one who was bad for his mental health but it was so so so much more the situation as a whole than it was robert - and the situation was borne out of robert’s horrible decisions and god damn is that why robert needs to sort himself out and stop making horrible decisions on impulse whenever he’s feeling emotions that are hard to handle

- aaron needed to do it, because aaron was in a place where he was reacting with dangerous levels of violence every time he was upset at or about robert

and now robert needs to do it, because…. well, look at the little fucker, throwing himself into getting control of home farm as if that’s going to fill the emptiness in his chest, without any regard for anyone else’s safety or feelings. it’s a miracle no one has died yet (again) as a result of robert’s recklessness and carelessness over the lives of other people - and there have been enough close calls. this isn’t like… a cry of help to aaron though? this isn’t about rob trying to get aaron back lmao. it’s about him thinking he’s lost aaron for good and so deciding to do exactly what he was doing before aaron came along - which was slowly getting home farm and all the money and power that comes along with it. only this time, he’s acting almost deranged, because… well, he’s having a breakdown isn’t he?

for aaron and robert to get back together, aaron needs to continue to be in a place where he won’t resort to violence and robert needs to wake up and realise that being careless about people’s lives and doing what he’s been doing etc etc isn’t a good way to live + whatever else they’re gonna have him face up to lmao

but like? if robert stops being a dick and chasing after money and power at the expense of all the good things in his life (which - if anything could ever teach him that that’s not as emotionally fulfilling a way to live as being with your family and the man you love, i feel like this situation might)? i don’t see why aaron wouldn’t be happy with robert? they’re in love with one another and people can change and better themselves and lbr aaron literally said himself that he still thinks of himself as being in a relationship with rob because emotionally they’re both totally committed to one another.

robert may be a terrible human but he loves aaron and he’s spent a lot of time trying to be better for aaron - he’s saved aaron’s life over and over, is someone aaron wants to spend the rest of his life with, is someone aaron slips work to spend his entire day with, makes aaron laugh, loves aaron’s sister, someone who decorated an entire insane and beautiful house for them to live in, is someone who couldn’t sleep in their bed without aaron in it, someone who thinks that aaron is beautiful inside and out, someone who threw a surprise wedding for aaron because he was panicking about going to prison and needed something to ground him a little, someone who devoted all of his time and energy to supporting aaron through one of the toughest fucking periods of aaron’s life without asking or needing anything in return

robert is awful to most people but most of the time he tries like hell to be the best he can be to aaron and most of the time? he succeeds

sometimes he doesn’t and those are the moments where we internally slap him upside the head but like… that’s also how relationships work, usually

(but also thank christ rob is getting the redemption coma or whatever bc he needs it)

and aaron loves him back - even after everything, aaron defends robert to people, he truly believes in the best parts of robert because he’s seen them, as well as the worst parts - and he’s forgiven the worst parts because that’s what aaron does and that’s not a bad thing or a weakness or something he needs to be gently pushed out of, that’s a beautiful quality in a human being tbh fuck everyone who doesn’t appreciate and respect aaron’s capacity to forgive whilst still sticking up for himself and making sure no one walks over him, because he absolutely would never let anyone walk over him, not even robert - aaron knows his own mind and his own heart and he’s going to do whatever he’s going to do, fuck what anyone else thinks and if that means believing that robert is deserving of his forgiveness, i don’t think that’s something that makes him weak nor is it necessarily even something that takes something away from aaron, that’s hard for him to do or makes him lesser in any way. idk i’m a forgiving person and i get how against the odds easy that can be sometimes, even if it’s not necessarily the best idea always 😂

IM GETTING OFF TRACK BASICALLY AARON LOVES ROBERT AND ROBERT LOVES AARON AND THAT WASNT ENOUGH FOR THEM THIS YEAR - EVERYTHING IMPLODED AND SOMETIMES IT WAS AARON’S FAULT, MORE OFTEN IT WAS ROB’S FAULT AND GOD SOMETIMES IT WAS THE WORLD JUST BEING RELENTLESSLY SHITTY TO THEM AND PILING ON SOME MORE PAIN

BUT WANTING AARON TO BE WITH ROBERT IS NEVER NECESSARILY AS SIMPLE AS “I DISREGARD AARON’S FEELINGS IN FAVOUR OF ROBERT’S” BECAUSE I SECRETLY HATE AARON, BECAUSE TO ME, AARON’S FEELINGS ARE ALWAYS INEVITABLY GOING TO BUILD BACK UP TO WANTING TO BE WITH ROBERT

AND I HAVE A LOT OF RESPECT FOR AARON’S FEELINGS HENCE THE JUSTICE FOR AARON’S FEELINGS 2K17 MOVEMENT THAT I KEEP HAVING TO BRING OUT

but it’s just that that decision to be together again doesn’t necessarily have to turn into the hell that 2017 was for them both

🤷🏻‍♀️ they can be better than that and they can genuinely make one another happy - they just need a better run at it, with less awful impulses towards violence or infidelity or what have you

(and also it’s a soap and their relationship is hella entertaining)