#its a little more difficult for the butches but fear of time is based on cure black's silhouette

[sketchmre]

theyll get their own posts at some point but heres the concepts for the other horror magical girls

unnamed, fear of time/cycles (botany/mycology themes)

unnamed (erin or christine?), fear of gore (anatomy/omnipresence themes)

unnamed, fear of caverns/small spaces (spelunker/mineral themes, specifically minerals formed under high pressure)

jesse (legal name brittany), fear of bugs (overstimulation/hive themes)

unnamed, fear of darkness/blind spots (control/loss of identity themes)

(the casual outfits are redraws from 2001-2002 JCPenny/Sears clothing catalogues)

[outoproportion]

“Ya’ll Better Quiet Down”

On femme-phobia and gendered based discrimination in the gay scene.

"In the past two year I've had so many arguments with gay men, specially on a night out when I'm supposed to be having fun, they always try to prove to me that they're gayer than me. 

I had a 32 year old gay man telling me that his life was harder than mine, that I'd never know what he went through, he shouted at me on a bus and he said he thinks I'm going to die alone cause I’m such a bitch. Its true I'd never know what cis gay men experience, and yes I am a bitch.

I told a trans gay man in a bar to stop being transphobic towards a trans feminine person, he had called them a transphobic slur, he then physically attacked me, he poured his drink on my head, but before he did that he said to me ”I’m the gayest person in the world”. He assumed he was gayer than me, as if we’re in a competition, as if the gay bar belonged to him.

A gay man pointed his fingers at me shouting "you're female" in the smoking area of my local gay bar, he did this because I asked him to use "they/them" pronouns for me and he refused because “I’m female”. My heart was racing, he said "I see you as a woman, you're a woman" , I tried not to cry, until he left, then I cried. 

I also cried when the man who poured his drink on me wasn't kicked out by the security guard. The security was a butch dyke, she thought my femininity was disgusting and fake, she told me “I was pulling out a race card”  and that I was making a scene for no reason, after all I’m just a hysterical little girl aren’t I? she had something in common with that man who attacked me, they were both masculine, like most mascs, they  hate and desire femmes at the same time, to them I was just a toy that made too much noise and needed to shut up. But that’s what straight men have told me for a long time, it’s weird facing such backwards and oppressive behaviour in a gay bar, under a “pride flag”. 

A gay man came up to me, he was white, and I’m not, he pointed at me and said “you look like a brown Miley Cyrus” people don’t believe me when I tell this story, but it’s true! I tried to tell him why he had offended me, he denied it, because there’s no racism in a gay bar. we’re too liberated for that! It turned out he was a primary school teacher, he called  me a bitch, then apologised and offered me a drink, I ordered the most expensive thing off the menu, an espresso martini, which I don’t even like, but it was expensive, as I sipped away I told the night promote to kick him out, he got kicked out and I drank my espresso martini while swallowing back my tears that were building up. 

All these incidences have one thing in common, they were all targeted at a brown femme trans person by masculine men. 

My relationship with femmeness has been difficult recently. My femmeness is in a battle with my gender, I’m trans, but I never want to confirm to masculinity to gain more power, but my femmeness constantly leads to being misgendered and mistreated. The problem is not my identity, its femme phobia in the gay scene. 

I’m not the only person who’s affected by femmephobia, femme gay men are also constantly mistreated by the masculine folks, and the same narrative plays in the traditional lesbian butch for femme binary context. 

The big issue we need to address is the fear of femmes. As soon as people realise femmes have a voice, they are terrified of how powerful their voices are. Masc people have always been trying to shut femmes down, for evidence look up Sylvia Rivera’s speech in which gay men disrupted her several times, she tells them “ya’ll better quiet down” , Queer liberation was built by the power of queer femmes and trans women, who fought for days at stonewall riots to keep queer spaces from being shut down. These are the women and femmes that built the liberation that men claim today, and if you’re a man reading this, watch Sylvia Rivera’s speech before you mistreat a femme ever again.

[bensportfolio2017-blog]

Film Studies - Queer Theory

Queer Theory - the investigation into the positive and negative representation of the LGBT community within media, such as, film, television, and literature.

Self-identified Queer Artists and Filmmakers

Dustin Lance Black (born 1974) Black is an American screenwriter, producer, and LGBT activist. He came out as gay when he was 17/18, and in May 2016, he married openly gay Olympics diver, Tom Daley. Throughout his career, he has created several popular LGBT-oriented films, including:

‘Milk (2008, directed by Gus van Sant)’. Black wrote the screenplay for this film, which was based on the life of gay rights activist, Harvey Milk, who eventually became the first openly gay person elected to public office in California. Sean Penn portrayed the main character, who won an Oscar for Best Actor, for his role in this film. Black also won an Oscar for his screenwriting credits.

‘J. Edgar (2012, directed by Clint Eastwood)’. Black wrote the screenplay for this film, which is about the life and career of J. Edgar Hoover, who was the first Director of the FBI, and was rumoured to be either gay or asexual. Leonardo DiCaprio portrayed the titular character, and he gained mostly positive reviews on his performance of the historical figure. The film was also praised on its story, direction, and production; Todd McCarthy from The Hollywood Reporter wrote “This surprising collaboration between director Clint Eastwood and ‘Milk’ screenwriter Dustin Lance Black tackles its trickiest challenges with plausibility and good sense, while of its controversial subject’s behaviour, public and private”. 

Ian McKellen (born 1939) - McKellen is a British actor and LGBT activist. He has been openly gay since 1988. He has always been a massive activist for LGBT rights, and he campaigns regularly to gain equality for his community. He is the co-founder of Stonewall, which is an LGBT rights lobby group in the United Kingdom, who currently are working towards equality for LGBT people at home, work and schools. He is also the patron for LGBT History Month, Pride London, Oxford Pride, GAY-GLOS, The Lesbian and Gay Foundation, and FFLAG. He hasn’t starred in any recognised LGBT-subject films; however, he has starred in huge film franchises such as:

The X-Men series, in which he starred as the elder version of villain, Erik Lehnsherr/Magneto.

The Lord of the Rings/The Hobbit series’, in which he starred as wizard, Gandalf the Grey/Gandalf the White.

Jonathan Groff (born 1985) - Groff is an American actor. He came out as gay in October 2009. In his career, he has starred in several different LGBT-orientated media, such as:

‘The Normal Heart (2014, directed by Ryan Murphy)’, a TV movie about the rise of the HIV/AIDS epidemic in New York City in 1981-84. He portrays Craig Donner, a young gay man who dies suddenly of suspected gay-related immune deficiency (GRID), which was later known as AIDS.

‘Looking (2014-15)’, a comedy-drama series, about a group of young gay friends living in San Francisco. He portrays Patrick Murray, an openly gay video game designer.

Representation of LGBT characters in film

In 2013, GLAAD (Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation) started to release the Studio Responsibility Index, which is an annual report of statistics on the representation of LGBT characters in films produced by the six major production companies (20th Century Fox, Paramount Pictures, Sony Colombia, Universal Pictures, the Walt Disney Company, and Warner Bros.), in the previous year.

In 2012, 13.9% of films released contained lesbian, gay, and bisexual characters. No transgender characters where portrayed. But, only 28.6% of these films, had LGBT characters as major characters.

In 2013, Lionsgate Entertainment was added to the list of major production companies. 16.7% of films released involved LGBT characters, with the majority starring in comedies.

In 2014, Focus Features, Fox Searchlight, Roadside Attractions, and Sony Pictures Classics were added to the list of studios. This year, 17.5% of films included lesbian, gay, and bisexual characters, with no identifiable transgender characters. This year, Warner Bros. was the most inclusive studio, with 32% of their films were LGBT-inclusive.

In 2015, 17.5% of films included LGBT characters. In these films, there was 1 transgender character, and 47 lesbian, gay and bisexual characters.

Queering the canon

Queering the canon is the theory that characters in film can be assigned as being LGBT, judging by their personality, actions, metaphorical storylines, and the characters they associate with.

Walt Disney Pictures, is mainly used as an example of having non-explicit LGBT characters. Disney have always maintained a positive relationship with the community, as they were the first company to extend healthcare benefits to the partners of gay employees. They also host regular pride festivals at their theme parks. Therefore, the company and their films have always been the subject of gay theories about characters.

Films that include confirmed or suspected LGBT characters are:

Ursula from the film, ‘The Little Mermaid (1989, directed by Ron Clement and John Musker)’. The character of Ursula, is a suspected lesbian or bisexual woman. This is because she resembles the popular drag queen, Divine. Her personality also reflects this. Some viewers also interpret the character as an overtly male ‘butch’ lesbian, who represents the evil of homosexuality, and wanting to turn the innocent, Ariel into a lesbian woman.

Timon and Pumbaa from the film, ‘The Lion King (1994, directed by Roger Allers and Rob Minkoff)’. The characters of Timon and Pumbaa, are suspected to be in a gay relationship. This is reinforced in the fact they have a ‘married couple’ type relationship. They go through popular LGBT struggles, of being social outcasts and gay adoption. They are also negatively represented as they are the flamboyant comic relief for the film. 

Elsa from the film, ‘Frozen (2013, directed by Chris Buck and Jennifer Lee)’. The character of Elsa, is portrayed as a young girl who was born different to everyone else. Her parents hid her away, because they feared they would be judged, and she would be rejected by the world. When she reveals her ‘icy powers’ (a metaphor for her being a lesbian), she is called a freak and cast out of her home into isolation. Multiple elements of the story, can be metaphors for coming out, and suppression of her sexuality from her parents. Her bedroom acts as her ‘closet’ which she eventually comes out of, and her parents tell her to ‘conceal, don’t feel’. All of these elements indicate to the character likely to be a lesbian. She even has a ‘coming out’ song – “Let It Go”, in which she says ‘Let It Go, Let It Go. Turn away and slam the door’ and ‘I don’t care what they’re going to say’. Elsa is also a good representation of women, as she is the only Disney princess not to require a love interest to survive.

Films with an LGBT subjects and characters‘

The Rocky Horror Picture Show (1975, directed by Jim Sharman)’ - This film is about a young couple who, after their car breaks down in the rain, seek help at a castle, where they come across a group of strangers celebrating an annual convention. They meet Dr. Frank N. Furter, a mad alien transvestite, who creates a living man for his own sexual desires. This film was written by Richard O’Brian, who is openly transgender. He also starred in this film as Riff Raff, the house handyman. This has become a cult film for members of the LGBT community, including their allies, as this film would regularly bring everyone together, disregarding their sexuality, dressed up in stockings and heels, to participate in screenings of the film in movie theatres. The popularity of this film and similar films helped to bring LGBT rights to mainstream media, and to the attention of the public. Most of the LGBT-orientated films of the 20th Century were usually about the HIV/AIDS epidemic and other gay-related issues, whereas this film depicts the gay community in a friendlier, more accepting way.

‘The Perks of Being a Wallflower (2012, directed by Stephen Chbosky)’ - This film is about a young student called Charlie, who suffers from clinical depression because of childhood setback. He is very shy and finds it difficult to make friends. When he meets two fellow students, Patrick and Sam, he is invited along to several social activities with them. The film carries on telling the story of their friendships and of Charlie’s depression. The character of Patrick, is openly gay, and is in a secret relationship with Brad, a closeted football player. They get caught kissing at a party by Charlie. Later on, Patrick and Brad are caught having sex by Brad’s dad, who then kicks out Patrick and beat up his son. Brad is then forced to tell his friends that he was jumped, to hide the fact that he is gay. The next day, Patrick walks past Brad and his friends, and Brad shouts out and calls Patrick a ‘faggot’, which provokes Patrick to ‘out’ him to his friends, who then beat up Patrick, and he gets saved by Charlie, who beats up all the friends then blacks out. This film was subject to mainly positive reviews, commenting on the strong cast performances, and “heartfelt and sincere adaption” of the 1999 book it was based on.

‘Moonlight (2016, directed by Barry Jenkins)’ - This film is about the main character, Chiron, and his difficulties he faces, relating to his race, and sexual identity, which includes his physical and emotional abuse that he received whilst growing up. The film is presented in three different parts, Little, Chiron, and Black. ‘Little’ tells the story of young Chiron, who is a withdrawn child, who lives with his drug-addicted mother, Paula. He befriends drug dealer, Juan, and gets bullied at school by fellow students, who called him a ‘faggot’. ‘Chiron’ describes Chiron’s teenage life, as he avoids bullies, and spends time with Juan’s girlfriend, after Juan dies. One night, he spends time with his friend, Kevin, they eventually kiss and engage in sexual contact. The next day, Kevin beats him up reluctantly. In ‘Black’, Chiron, who is now adult, sells drugs. His mother is in a rehabilitation centre. He goes and visits Kevin, who after talking for a while, go back to his house and Chiron breaks down, Kevin comforts him and they embrace. This film received huge critical acclaim, gaining an Oscar for Best Picture, being the first film with and all-black cast, and LGBT theme, to do so.

‘Call Me by Your Name (2017, directed by Luca Guadagnino)’ - This film is based on the 2017 novel which has the same name, and was written by André Aciman. It is about the gay relationship between 17-year-old, Elio, and his father’s student, 30-year-old, Oliver. When this film was aired at Sundance Film Festival, it gained huge acclaim and mostly positive critical reviews. Rotten Tomatoes gave the film a rating of 98% which was based on critics and public reviews, which had an average rating of 9.1/10. The site describes the films as “a melancholy, powerfully affecting portrait of first love”.

Representation of LGBT characters in Hollywood films

Ever since the beginning of Hollywood, there has always been controversy over their negative representation of homosexuality. Critics and activists would usually focus on how portrayals would often demean and try to silence the LGBT community.

At the beginning of Hollywood (1890’s to the 1930’s), homosexuality was usually presented as an object of mockery and laughter. Films regularly used the archetype of ‘the sissy’ – which were feminine men who usually have delicate emotions. This was popular, and was used as a source of amusement for the viewers. However, this was not a negative representation, because it was in the middle of masculinity and femininity.

In the 1930’s to 50’s, Hollywood was criticised by religious and homophobic groups, because films would apparently contribute to immorality. Therefore, the Hay’s Code was introduced. The Hay’s Code was a system of self-censorship that mainly affected the representation of homosexuality. During this time, films were unable to include openly gay characters, so instead homosexuality would be included into the character’s mannerisms and behaviour.

During the 1960’s and 70’s, the Hay’s Code was loosened. This was during the dawn of the gay rights movement, and because gays and lesbians were becoming more vocal and visible in society, therefore representation became increasingly more homophobic. Gay characters were portrayed as dangerous, violent, predatory, and suicidal, shown in films such as ‘Midnight Express (1978, directed by Alan Parker), ‘Vanishing Point (1971, directed by Richard C. Sarafian), and ‘The Boys in the Band (1970, directed by William Friedkin).

In the 1990’s, Hollywood improved their representation of LGBT characters. Films such as, ‘Philadelphia (1993, directed by Jonathan Demme)’, ‘To Wong Foo Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar (1995, directed by Beeban Kidron)’, and ‘In & Out (1997, directed by Frank Oz)’, proved that audiences can and do enjoy films that have gay and lesbian characters. But, the film industry was still cautious of their representation of gay characters, themes, and experiences. Because Hollywood films were designed to appeal to as big an audience as possible, producers were scared that gay and lesbian themes would offend audiences, and potential investors.

[manmodeactivate]

My coming out letter (FTM)

This is long af but people wanted to see it so here it is :)

This letter may be a surprise to you but there is no better way for me to explain these things. Over the years I’ve been through some tough patches as you may know but without knowing why. You may have been told of some eating troubles a few years ago and even now (not so much of a problem now though). Even told about self-harm and thoughts of suicide (years ago). You even may have tried to guess the main cause for the struggles as I didn’t have the voice or knowledge to tell you myself. Sexuality is my guess as to what you think it has been… But I had worked that out when I was in year 7 or 8 so that wasn’t the source of my struggles (by the way dad I do like girls mostly at least). Yes I do still like girls but there’s so much more to it that I couldn’t figure out till now. The topic of gender.

I was a tomboy when I was little as you know but I started to realise something was off when puberty hit. I have been thinking about my gender for years now but kept pushing it away because I felt crazy or that I didn’t deserve to live because I was a freak. I felt as though there was a checklist of sorts to be transgender. I was scared as almost everything did stereotypically fit. But that doesn’t mean that I am or not based on a few stereotypes, this was something I had to work out myself without the influence from a third party. No one could tell me if this was who I am or not, only I could and I now know that this is who I am. It was hard for me to come to terms with and took me years. I didn’t want to be seen as a freak like you probably see them but that’s because I didn’t understand. I researched constantly and it helped me understand myself. I’m not trans because of the media or because its ‘trendy’, it’s very serious and I wouldn’t be telling you if I wasn’t absolutely sure. It may seem to you that it is becoming trendy but people are just feeling more comfortable about being themselves in this generation as people are more accepting now than 20 years ago. I am more than willing to go through social harassment, and other negative things to be happy. I really need to do this and know I will need to go through transition. If you really want to be certain we could see a doctor or gender therapist. I wouldn’t wish this life upon anybody as it will be difficult but I need to be happy. The reason I want to pursue this is for my happiness and not just feel like shit for the rest of my life.

I became envious of the boys when they started to grow taller, their voices deepened and when they started to grow facial hair. In turn I began to hate my own body and where the fat distributed itself to. In year 9 I started not to eat so the fat would leave my hips, thighs and chest and it worked a little bit but it was toxic. I had always wanted short hair but mum hated that I wore boy’s clothes already so I didn’t want to make that worse. I’ve stopped shaving because it helps me to feel more masculine and comfortable with myself. I dreaded when I had to get a bra, the material mark of being female. Making my chest more prominent and visible. Disgusting for me. I feel extremely disconnected from that part of my body in particular. My chest is also easily perceivable by other people and hard to ignore from my point of view making it one of the more difficult things to deal with. Now I wear a binder that I have kept hidden, and wash it by hand in secret when I can. Binding is when the chest is flattened by the use of a binder. I have never and will never use bandages to bind as they can cause serious injuries. The binder I use I bought through a friend and have been using for a few months. It’s from a company that makes binders specifically for transgender people called GC2B and I have been trying to wear them only for as long as advised. It just looks like a sports bra with extra fabric on the bottom, like a tank top. Wearing a binder really helps me to feel more comfortable with the top half of my body. When I shower I have to move the mirror and close my eyes 90% of the time as I don’t want to see my body. And now my name. Over time my dislike of it has grown. Not that it isn’t a good name in general but it’s too feminine for me to a point where I can’t say it myself. Hence why I don’t answer the phone because I don’t want to have to say my name. I hate to go out places and buy things in fear I’ll be seen as female so I avoid any social interactions that aren’t necessary. I’ve also avoided a job for this reason I don’t want more people calling me things that hurt me and with a job it would come from two places, the public and co-workers. School alone is enough as by the end of the week I’m overwhelmed and it just slowly builds up over time. It’s also why I shut myself away because I need to recover from this invisible verbal stabbing I get every day.

But what does being transgender mean? By definition it means a person not identifying with their birth-given sex. For me specifically I am a female to male transgender person (ftm/ transman). This means I was “born in the wrong body” as they say. There are 7 billion people on this planet so its impossible for everyone to fall into the two stereotypical binary genders. Gender isn’t as simple and limited as what we are told as kids. It is very complex and it is found that for example a transman has the same brain patterns as a biological male. Interesting right? This is a very real thing. Gender and sex are two different things, sex being biological and gender being what’s in your head. These two are often lumped together when they are two completely different things. One does not necessarily dictate the other just like in my case. I couldn’t imagine my future for the longest time because being a woman or butch lesbian it just made no sense to me. Even to be labelled as a lesbian made me feel strange so I just labelled myself as gay. It was still extremely foreign. But then it just clicked when I imagined myself as a male.

For me to be comfortable with myself in the future I would need to medically transition. Some different parts of medical transition include hormones, top surgery (mastectomy) and bottom surgery. There is no ‘the surgery’ that’s required and medical transition is a choice not a necessity. For me I would need top surgery and hormones to be comfortable with myself which would take a lot of time and cost a lot of money. For hormones at the moment the most common method is an injection around every week or two for the rest of my life. As you know I hate needles but I would love to be stabbed in my arse for the rest of my life if it means that I can become the person I want to be. Top surgery costs A LOT of money ($10 000 give or take a few thousand, increasing over time) but I really need to do it at some point as I can’t bind forever. Other parts of transition are social and physical. Changing appearances like clothing which I have pretty much already done and getting others to use different pronouns and names. For a name I was thinking Nathan would be easiest as you could just start calling me just Nat and gradually warm up to a new name. if you have any other suggestions just let me know and we can talk about other options. I just thought it would be easier and I don’t mind the name. It will take time to use the correct name, whatever it ends up being and the correct pronouns. We can also discuss how we will tell other people too. I know the future will be a big concern but I have tried to think it through extensively. All these changes would greatly improve my mental health and self-esteem allowing me to be the best version of myself.

I can assure you I am not confused and I am still the same person with the same personality. You did nothing ‘wrong’ to cause this and it is not your fault. It is most certainly not a phase and I have not been brainwashed. When I wasn’t even born you wouldn’t have minded if I was born a boy or a girl so it shouldn’t matter now. Just because I’m trans it doesn’t limit me from falling in love or having a family, it’s just more difficult. There are other people that know from teachers to friends and all are accepting, some even had a hunch before I told them. Think of this letter as me finally opening up to you and trusting you fully and the start of a journey you both can accompany me on. Try and be understanding and willing to learn. I know this is very difficult for you and I’m just as scared as you. This is very much unknown territory for you but we can work through this together. It will be a gradual change but I hope you will put the effort in to try and understand, help and support me. Don’t think of this as you losing a daughter but gaining a son. I chose to tell you this in a letter to allow you to process and think about this before you ask questions. This I believe gives me the opportunity to explain myself fully and gives you the time you need to soak in the information given. Don’t immediately contact me after you have read this, (a short text is okay if you need but please don’t call me) discuss it amongst yourselves and then we can set a time where you can ask questions or discuss this further. If you think negatively about me being transgender just let me know in a short text and you can tell me to leave for a few days if you are angry. Please don’t attack me in anyway as this has been hard for me to tell you and this subject makes me feel vulnerable, at least for the moment. I will still live my life the way I want to, with or without you but I’d very much rather have you both at my side. I have also made a playlist of videos about other people’s transitions, common misconceptions of transitioning and hormones and other useful pieces information to further familiarise yourselves with what I’m going through and hope to go through. All you’ve wanted is my happiness. This is what I need. Help me find my happiness.