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Why I have always hated going to piercing and tattoo shops

Why I have always hated going to piercing and tattoo shops, and why we need more women and queer led salons.

The first time I went to get a piercing was when I had just turned 15. It was a salon in Newcastle, back in the day when the punk and goth scene was pretty big up there. Now days instead of intense white foundation everyone has turned orange, but that’s not the point. I went with my friend to get a piercing, I was getting my ear pierced and she was getting her nose pierced.

It felt like such a big deal, like I was rebelling, even now 8 years on my dad still hates my piercing.

The guy who was doing the piercings was very intense, he had all the piercings you could think of, he even had a leg corset style piercing which I thought was the sexiest thing ever, back then I was an emo, and a skinny white dude with unnatural black hair and loads of piercingns would have been my dream boyfriend. But I was 15 and he was maybe 30, so he didn’t even notice me which is good, but also to

Him considering all the piercing he had getting my ear pierced was just not as exciting as it was for me.

I was so full of excitement that when he pushed the needle through I may have had my first orgasm! Who knows

When I got home my dad didn’t notice it but when he did he was very angry which determined me for a couple years to get my cheeks and back corset piercing to piss him off. I’m glad I never did tho.

I never thought I would get a tattoo, mainly cause it would upset my parents

But also i was scared

My dad thinks only two types of people get tattoos

Criminals and white people

But the first tattoo I ever saw was on my dad’s uncle’s arm, that said Love , in Farsi. Very orieignal and sweet right?

The first tattoo I got was a correction tatto to correct a mess that had been made by a home tattoo which was basically a random green line

At the tattoo salon, the man who tattood me had no patience and wouldn’t listen to me , he over charged me and gave me a shit cover tattoo that needs to be covered again or lasered off! It really feels like when white men want to tattoo or pierce brown people specially those who come across as women they have no patience or care about our bodies.

It’s a strange sense of mansplaining and misogyny. It’s as if they’re like “oh look you’re lost in all aspects of your life because you don’t know what colour ink you want, and I don’t want to help”

The intimidating energy that emerges from some of the Male tattooist and piercers started being unbearable for me.

I only noticed that this was actually real and not in my head because of a great Male piercer I once met at a salon, he was a lovely Scottish man in Edinburgh and had the patience to talk to me for over 30 minutes about a dermal piercing I wanted, he explained everything about how the procedure is done, and how long it takes to heal, and how it is removed. He wasn’t intimidating,  he was simply doing his job at informing me about my decision. He did such a great job at making me feel comfortable and informed that I decided the piercing wasn’t for me.

And that’s when I realised that men can be un-intimidating and good at their jobs, sometimes!

But one man isn’t enough, and I refuse to be tattood and pierced by misogynistic racist men ever again! Only last weekend I went into a well knowown piercing shop and asked to have a jewellery changed, and all the feelings of intimidation came rushing back, as the only male in the shop was a white man who was completely tattooed in black ink (and if you’re considering this don’t do it because it looks massively racist) and treated me like I was an idiot! I really didn’t want him to serve me, but was too worried about him lashing out at me even more than he already had, that I didn’t complain. It was so interesting to see how differently he treated a Male customer who was white and had far more piercings than me, at least they were part of a cult I was never going to be let into , a “I’m white and try to be cool cult” and I frankly

Don’t want to be a part of either! I just want the same respect that white men get. For someone who had the tattoos and piercings that were originally invented by indigenous people of colour, he made me feel like he was superior because he was so “punk”, like he didn’t know femmes of colour are always more punk than he could ever be, and all the things that make him cool and different came from cultures that weren’t his (not mine).

I’ve only ever been to one female and nonbinary owned salon, and it was the best experience I ever had, I had my second and best tattoo done by artist Uve Kid, anamazing talented queer tattooist and illustrator, they made me feel so comfortable and respected my opinion about the design, it felt so cathartic,

Specially since I got a tattoo to remind myself of my own strength having just left an abusive partner.

And this proves to me that we need more places like that, places ran by and for women and non binary people tired from toxic masculinity. Getting a tattoo or a piercing is a very intimate procedure and sometime can be very healing and powerful, it’s so important to have full control of the situation and trust the person who’s putting needles through your body.

Not forcing yourself to consent to the situation because you want to prove that you cannot be intimidated, like I’ve tried in the past.

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requested by shimonseka

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“Ya’ll Better Quiet Down”

On femme-phobia and gendered based discrimination in the gay scene.

"In the past two year I've had so many arguments with gay men, specially on a night out when I'm supposed to be having fun, they always try to prove to me that they're gayer than me. 

I had a 32 year old gay man telling me that his life was harder than mine, that I'd never know what he went through, he shouted at me on a bus and he said he thinks I'm going to die alone cause I’m such a bitch. Its true I'd never know what cis gay men experience, and yes I am a bitch.

I told a trans gay man in a bar to stop being transphobic towards a trans feminine person, he had called them a transphobic slur, he then physically attacked me, he poured his drink on my head, but before he did that he said to me ”I’m the gayest person in the world”. He assumed he was gayer than me, as if we’re in a competition, as if the gay bar belonged to him.

A gay man pointed his fingers at me shouting "you're female" in the smoking area of my local gay bar, he did this because I asked him to use "they/them" pronouns for me and he refused because “I’m female”. My heart was racing, he said "I see you as a woman, you're a woman" , I tried not to cry, until he left, then I cried. 

I also cried when the man who poured his drink on me wasn't kicked out by the security guard. The security was a butch dyke, she thought my femininity was disgusting and fake, she told me “I was pulling out a race card”  and that I was making a scene for no reason, after all I’m just a hysterical little girl aren’t I? she had something in common with that man who attacked me, they were both masculine, like most mascs, they  hate and desire femmes at the same time, to them I was just a toy that made too much noise and needed to shut up. But that’s what straight men have told me for a long time, it’s weird facing such backwards and oppressive behaviour in a gay bar, under a “pride flag”. 

A gay man came up to me, he was white, and I’m not, he pointed at me and said “you look like a brown Miley Cyrus” people don’t believe me when I tell this story, but it’s true! I tried to tell him why he had offended me, he denied it, because there’s no racism in a gay bar. we’re too liberated for that! It turned out he was a primary school teacher, he called  me a bitch, then apologised and offered me a drink, I ordered the most expensive thing off the menu, an espresso martini, which I don’t even like, but it was expensive, as I sipped away I told the night promote to kick him out, he got kicked out and I drank my espresso martini while swallowing back my tears that were building up. 

All these incidences have one thing in common, they were all targeted at a brown femme trans person by masculine men. 

My relationship with femmeness has been difficult recently. My femmeness is in a battle with my gender, I’m trans, but I never want to confirm to masculinity to gain more power, but my femmeness constantly leads to being misgendered and mistreated. The problem is not my identity, its femme phobia in the gay scene. 

I’m not the only person who’s affected by femmephobia, femme gay men are also constantly mistreated by the masculine folks, and the same narrative plays in the traditional lesbian butch for femme binary context. 

The big issue we need to address is the fear of femmes. As soon as people realise femmes have a voice, they are terrified of how powerful their voices are. Masc people have always been trying to shut femmes down, for evidence look up Sylvia Rivera’s speech in which gay men disrupted her several times, she tells them “ya’ll better quiet down” , Queer liberation was built by the power of queer femmes and trans women, who fought for days at stonewall riots to keep queer spaces from being shut down. These are the women and femmes that built the liberation that men claim today, and if you’re a man reading this, watch Sylvia Rivera’s speech before you mistreat a femme ever again.

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Homophobia’s shit! Transphobia is shittttt

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When you have to kick straight out of the club

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Cant stop me now

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You can now order my zine on etsy :) 

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This zine is brought to you by freelance part time artists.

Please consider making a donation to the zine via paypal: Katyjalili@gmail.com

This zine is brought to you by freelance part time artists. 

Please consider making a donation to the zine via paypal: Katyjalili@gmail.com

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me best friend Umber and I do shoots together and its the best way ever to practice self love and softness <3

I struglled for so long with make up because I only never knew how to experiment with it and use it to express a gender that wasnt womanhood, Umber is the person who helped me a lot with these feelings, and now I love wearing lots of colours on my face and on a good day I can still feel gender queer and hot! 

check out Umber’s work here: https://www.brownbeautystandards.com

follow them on Instagram @brownbeautystandards

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