#its KINDA disparaging to see

[gibbearish]

a weird little thing abt me is i will definitely mock shitty ai art but it never feels right doing it about the hands simply by virtue of the fact that a lot of them look indistinguishable from the hands i was doing years ago when i first got a drawing tablet

[snapscube]

So do you have a spoiler free review of the Spider-Man 2 game, for people like me who haven’t bought/seen the game yet? (I lack money so I have to wait for Christmas lol)

I can give you my top-down thoughts yeah!

Gameplay-wise, it's a night and day improvement over the first game in basically every regard. I've heard some mixed opinions on the new gadget/abilities system, and I had my own hang-ups here and there, but once I got a feel for it and started actively looking for ways to cleverly use them and upgrade them it really clicked. The flow of combat is amazing. The swinging mechanics are a MONUMENTAL improvement over Spider-Man Remastered and Miles Morales. Those games had fantastic swinging, don't get me wrong, but they always had the issue of having a pretty intense speed cap and a disappointingly small amount of maneuvers to play with and master. This game introduces not only the web wings, which add a whole extra dimension of traversal to play with, but also still manages to improve the swinging itself more than I ever expected. Tight cornering, loop-de-loops, slingshots, and more are ALL introduced and work amazingly. And on top of it all, the speed cap for traversal is a 3X INCREASE when fully upgraded. And you feel it IMMEDIATELY, because even the baseline speed is so much faster from the jump. The game just plays beautifully in every regard, easily worth the price of entry for that alone.

Story-wise, I've mentioned I have some hangups about the pacing that I'm still working out. I just started a second story playthrough so I'm giving it time before I form any "final" thoughts, but my gut experience was that the first Act comes out the gate firing on all cylinders. The characters feel so alive, the world is breathtaking, and there's a ton of intrigue. But then once you hit Act 2 and 3 things speed up in a way that can feel a bit unnatural. One thing that helps this though is making sure to pace out your playthrough with side missions. It doesn't fix the pacing entirely, but there are so many side missions in this game that honestly feel just as integral and worth doing as the main story. I would say definitely try to do as much as you can to pace out Act 2 a little more with side content, cause much like Miles Morales this feels like the kind of game that lives and dies by its side stories. The secondary cast is incredible, and there's a ton of easter eggs and emotional beats that are integral to the overall picture of this game but just aren't in the main stuff. But the beats that hit in the main story hit REALLY HARD. The game definitely has the common sequel problem of shooting for a lot more and as a result kinda ends up a lot messier. The first game is still more of a quintessentially good Spider-Man tale than this one. But that is NOT to disparage this one at all. It is WORTH experiencing, for sure, I just think maybe it could have used some more polish. But there are a ton of moving parts, so I can totally see how they ended up with what they did.

I have a lot of other thoughts but those are sorta the big two pillars I can easily discuss without encroaching on spoiler territory and without writing basically a whole article.

[year2000electronics]

Honestly my favorite thing about you by far is how you build on aus and fanon of old without being needlessly cruel and disparaging to it. OG reverse falls had a lot of issues, but people tend to get lost in dogging on it as opposed to embracing the beauty that comes with creating new content for it with hindsight and maturity that the fandom of old didn’t have. Basically just thank you for being so kind. Anyway my second favorite thing you do is draw reverse ford like a silver fox you’re so fucking real for that

thank you!! i really do try to be kind and positive about stuff as best as i can when it applies, i know fanon stuff gets a lot of flak for often being derivative or just very shoddy at times but its like. idk. ive always seen the bridge to better fanon being lifting up and supporting what you do like, because the more lamenting that happens the more you end up just sorta chasing this giant invisible strawman of "you guys" who are "making the thing i dont like instead of the thing i like" (as a pretty relevant example, ill see posts pop up in tags complaining about "you guys'" humanizations of a certain triangle... -_- )

because like its true! sometimes fan stuff is dumb. because we're all creating stuff out there so some of its going to be dumb. even some gravity falls stuff is dumb. roadside attraction is dumb. parts of the wendy crush arc are dumb. which is why i want to lift up parts of something i like and when i do point out stuff i dont like i always want to kinda be constructive about why. and i do think that trying to build something i like attracts people! i think they pick up on the passion there! and it just feels so much more rewarding than if i were to complain all day. idk. its all about striking a balance and its something i like to think about and ruminate on a lot as someone who participates in the community of fandom.

its also a bit of a glass houses thing to me, because i dont think i can even claim to have fanon that like, doesnt suck. not in a self deprecating way you just have to understand where im coming from here... because im the type of person who loves to ruminate on how the relationships between people affect them and how it makes their story, which ends up meaning i go REALLY hard on shipping! and someone could point to me and be like "wow youve got Yaoi Brain" or something! and i draw my human bill as a skinny white guy because idk i just Do! and people could call that derivative if they so wished! if i was going around proclaiming that i could 'be better' and 'fix bad fanon' it would just feel ironic to me. because sometimes the art i make isnt perfect too. and im fine with that. its a part of my art to me.

anyways thank you for the ask and the gateway for me to ramble :] i always like talking about this stuff. here's silver fox ford gleeful again

[visualtaehyun]

My running commentary for ep. 6 of Love Sea spans six (!) entire pages in my notes compared to my usual 2-4 so imma toss em all up on here for a change, gonna get back to specific language things in a new post later but i'm too lazy rn to explain any thai in my comments lol (i'll just link y'all previous explanations if applicable 👍 here's to 'teaching' thai by straight-up pushing you into the water and hoping you'll start flapping your arms enough to qualify as swimming lmao)

Rak อ้อน's, smiles sweetly, asks to eat at home to honor mut's cooking

'or bc the feelings have changed already?' MUT'S IN LOVE 😭

Title: ตอนที่ หึงคืออาการของคนมีความรัก

why does rak อ้อน so much omg 😭

bro. when mut stops vi from telling him about prin, saying he'd prefer hearing it from rak once he opens up to him, and vi says: 'Don't let this end as just a transaction.' 🥹 พี่วีเอ็นดูหมุดไปแล้ว she loves her best friend and clearly thinks mut is so good for rak 🥺

soft tone, plink-plank music and a sweet smile but the line- "คุณเพิ่งด่าไอ้เด็กเหี้ยนั่นว่า เอาเวลาว่างไปหาอะไรใส่หัว ดีกว่าเสือกเรื่องของคนอื่น ผมไม่อยากเป็นคนเหี้ยครับ" ("You just told that bitch to invest her time in educating herself instead of being nosy. I don't want to be like her.") lmaooo

'usually everyone hears about me from someone else' :<

the word subbed as gigolo that rak uses to describe his father is แมงดา - can mean pimp or male prostitute or gigolo but certainly comes from how male horseshoe crabs will cling onto a female's back during mating season, taking advantage of its mate, and is thus used to disparage men who benefit off of women financially

that lil kiss on the top of rak's head? surely fort adding on haha

Vi all alone, looking kinda blue, while mook งอน's, keeps rejecting her calls, and tries to distract herself by going out with friends (one of which is clearly Som Supatsorn from Cosmos <3)

Mut's allowed in rak's room!!!

the way rak manhandles mut into exactly the position he wants to cuddle in 🥹

he really is so cat-like <3

oho. i can already see the commentary coming about how mut started touching rak without consent/while he's sleeping 🌚 don't listen to the haters, p'may, that entire scene was piping hot and this is fiction anyway

love that mut calls them คุณมุก and พี่วี :) really goes to show the difference in familiarity levels

fucking love how shocked both kom and mut are to see each other here 😂 and how dumb-struck and speechless mut is bc he doesn't know how to explain lmao

Mut: "อย่างที่มึงคิดนั้นแหละ กูโดนซื้อมา" - Kom: 🤦‍♂️

lmao rak looks so pouty-jealous AND TATTLES ON KOM TO CONNOR 🤣

so interesting to me that connor and rak use ฉัน/นาย with each other

Kom uses ผม/คอนเนอร์

I can't believe mut just found out that rak and connor used to sleep with each other and didn't connect the dots before djsjshdhw not true actually, I read too much into the dialogue and know now from reading even just the prologue of Love Sea that they're really just best friends

this fight is so funny55555

Ugh i love this. seeing the besties bitching to each other, how comfortable they feel in each other's homes, just everything about their behavior makes it so clear how close they are! (same for kom and mut too)

Vi: "1-10?" - Rak: "หงุดหงิดระดับ 8 อยากง้อแต่กลัวเสียฟอร์ม พอใจมึงยัง" I LOVE THIS

Vi is such a schemester 🤣

love that mut sits by the water as he's stressing about rak while on the phone with kom

I've only had meena for a minute and i already love the girl 🥺 loves mint-choc icecream, calls herself เค้า with ing-ing (and she does so too), the cutest haircut, walking holding hands with her friend, and she really is a clever girl

this actress is so talented for her age wow

Mut honey 🥺 the fact that he starts to ง้อ by disparaging himself like nooo rak would never think of you that way, he doesn't care about the money or contract at all!

nooo the way rak talks to his niece 😭❤️

Meena 😂 i love her

love how น้ารัก sounds so close to น่ารัก :)

she's 13, gotcha

Meena: "งั้น ให้พี่มุกมารับมีนาก็ได้ไง" Rak, smiling: "ไม่ได้ มุกมันตัวแค่นั้นนะ" :>

Meena's reactions are everything 🤣

immediately calls mut พี่

Mut: "ไม่สิ พี่จะทำให้เขา ต้องรัก พี่" ("No. I'm going to make him 'must love' me.") -> throwback to the scene where he said he couldn't possibly ask someone like khun tongrak to ต้องรักคนอย่างผม (or sth like that)

this kid55555 love that she just declares I'm gonna call you น้าหมุด and you've no choice in this lmao, also switching from หนู to มีนา

Mut: "วันนี้คุณว่าง่ายกว่าปกตินะ" ("You're surprisingly docile today.") ว่าง่าย = docile, obedient, submissive, compliant, to listen well!

me, this entire episode: peat's eyes are so gorgeous

"Go ahead and do it." 🙅‍♀️ "อยากทำก็ทำ" = wanna do it then do it/if you wanna do it then go ahead

omg 🥺 "ผมเป็นของคุณอยู่แล้ว" ("I'm all yours.")

🫢 the implication here that mut is fucking rak's mouth HOLY diddly dOO

not only do we get to see that of fucking course was vi fibbing up a storm about her grandma but we also get to hear chanya speak french 🥰

I. Love. This. Show!

[smol-and-scared]

G/t Analysis: Gods Among Mice

Before I begin, I want to say two things:

This post is not meant to disparage anyone or question their value as people, all of this is exploration of linguistics, its cultural implications and potential narratives that could arise from them.

It is not a statement of fact or a claim I’m making.

Also… Let’s put aside the “Step on me Goddess” bullshit that has unfortunately plagued much of the g/t community’s DMs (It deserves to be called out, but not what this is about)

I will be using ‘God’ as a gender-neutral term here.

The God-like power of Size💪

Throughout history, Gods have often been depicted as being physically massive. This makes sense, as physical power is the most easily understood form of power. Likewise, a creature's size is one of the most universally recognized sign of one's physical power. So it's a good way to instantly depict the strength of a God. And these depictions have had a weird memetic side effect: The idea that 'massive size' makes a creature 'God-like'.

This does have a bit of psychological merit. If mountain-sized Giants actually existed, (without our arch-nemesis: 🔥the fucking square-cube law🔥) their full size and strength would be so hard for humans to understand that their power is basically arbitrary. At which point it becomes indistinguishable from Godhood. Also, our primitive lizard-brains evolved to fear much larger creatures. And fearing your gods is a major part of many religions.

Because of this there are dozens upon dozens of G/t fics, comics, etc; where the larger party is compared to or (metaphorically) referred to as, a God. In the case of actual giants and characters growing larger, this makes complete sense and is usually well-suited to the narrative.

But in my eternal quest for more angst™ I’ve recently started to question it’s use in Human/tiny stories. It feels kinda… lazy? I mean, not in the context of the story, many fantastic fics do it. But it just feels like it was copied over from the giant fics and never fully questioned or explored.

Okay, but what if: 🤏 smol.

Now obviously, all of this depends on the exact size difference, scenario and world-building of the story. But I still think it applies to a huge amount of fics who play up the Human/tiny size difference as ‘God-like’.

I personally think If a tiny views their resident human as a God-like figure (with all of the fear and awe that entails) …then they are optimistically delusional.

Because Gods are, in most cultures, special.

I have yet to see a fic where the Tiny is struck by the simple and harrowing realization that the humans they view as unstoppable, God-like entities are... in fact, painfully average.

It’s one thing to live in terror of the massive entity that could kill you in an instant. It’s an entirely further step to realize that there are dozens, if not hundreds of them between you and the nearest human-free environment.

And what if the Tiny realizes that their human isn’t even average? Imagine their horror when they realize that the person who is so big and powerful that they can barely even grasp it… is some 4’ 3” (~130cm) little stick? And the average human could snap ‘their human’ in half like a stale fuckin’ Cheeto.

Objectively, the Tiny knew this. They knew that the human they live with was small and weak compared to the others. But they never had an opportunity to actually understand it. And nothing gets that message across like seeing the 'God' of their tiny little world casually picked up and playfully carried on someone’s shoulder.

And It still gets worse...

Depending on the setting, the Tiny may not know or feel connected to any kind of civilization (A borrower colony, a scavenger camp, etc). This is especially true if Tinies are rare and/or oppressed.

And if that Tiny were to realize how average their 'God-like' human was? It would break them in the most pitiful way.

Because that ‘God’ isn’t a god. They’re average. They have a job. They have hobbies and friends. Things that this Tiny could never even dream of having. And that’s normal. That’s expected. They get to live, instead of just survive. Because they’re a person and that’s what people do.

And if their ‘God’ is just a person-

“Then…what does that make me?”

In conclusion:

I believe a character referring to someone as a God/Goddess implies that the speaker is a ‘person’ and they are looking at something greater. It’s ‘Normal’ looking up at ‘Godhood'.

But given the right story, plus a healthy amount of fear and awe. I think many Tinies would start to understand how small they are. And that they’ve been looking up at ‘Normal’ the whole time.

[goginaporter]

in honor of people saying that gina doesn’t deserve to be gabriella because they aren’t similar, I’m gonna do a post celebrating gina + showing exactly why she’s fit to play her. I wanna say that these arguments are pointless because it doesn’t matter if gina is like gabriella or not because at the end of the day she's acting. however, gina and gabriella are cut from the same cloth so onwards!

starting with the obvious, at the beginning of hsm and s1 respectively, gabriella and gina are new girls who have moved to east high. not only that, but they've moved schools several times with their single mother, never staying in one place for too long

gabriella encourages troy to do musical theater. after singing with him on new year's eve and then coming to east high, she sees troy's potential and passion for the theater and pushes him to do it. with gina, though her intentions are initially cunning, it's her words that keep ricky in the theater club, not his desire to win back nini.

gabriella is pretty resistant to forging close relationships because of being used to moving all the time, but meeting troy helps her to get out of her shell. the same happens with gina and ricky

both gabriella and gina have incredibly impressive accolades in their past (gabriella with scholastic decathlon and gina starring in annie as a child)

people often say that gabriella is very sweet and almost passive, the latter of which does not describe gina at all. however, gabriella never allows anyone to walk over her. additionally, gina is very sweet and I would argue is the kindest character on the show. below are just some examples of that.

the way that gina is with ricky deserves a whole post on its own, but the way she encourages his talent constantly throughout the series, supports him and helps him process his feelings surrounding his mom, and is generally one of his biggest supporters is so sweet I love their love :’)

her baking gluten-free cupcakes for the theater kids at ashlyn's thanksgiving party and for opening night, despite flying across the country in the latter scenario <333

speaking of s1 opening night, stepping into the role of taylor to help kourt's anxiety despite not being an east high student anymore

constantly affirming ashlyn when she cast doubt on her casting as belle

joining kourt and ashlyn to audition to counter lily's bullying, even when she could've auditioned alone and accepted lily's words that didn't disparage her. also her defending all of her friends!

helping to calm everyone down during the storm and organizing their response to ensure that they'd be okay

this one is kinda sad, but putting her hopes and dreams aside (starring in the musical, living with her mom, choreographing the show, her feelings for ricky) to make her friends and loved ones happy

planning carlos's quince for him and choreographing a whole dance as a gift for him

helping ej with the morning show thingie + encouraging him about himself post-duke

connecting nini with her music producer brother to help her friend with her music career

the grace she extended ej during their relationship throughout s3 (and with the whole date scenario in the s2 finale), including organizing a camp prom-posal for him

the mentorship role she kinda fills for emmy

supporting ashlyn throughout her ensemble crisis

changing the camp movie night to kourt's favorite film to soothe her anxieties and homesickness, helping to fix the stuff backstage for let it go after channing messed with it, and just really all of kourtgina's friendship

there are probably a bunch of other examples but gina is an angel and I'm sick of people acting like she's some awful person for the couple of things she did in the first half of season 1, things that were no worse than all the other main characters' actions. wrapping this up by saying that gina deserves to play gabriella because she's incredibly talented and will knock the role out of the park.

[penguinkyun]

chapter 161 review

cw for attempted suicide in this chapter

honestly i was actually so relieved on getting the full context for the scenes because oh thank god aqua stabbing himself wasn't played for shock value

official confirmation that yeah hikaru was behind the deaths in the series but what i cared about most was whether or not he was implicit in ai's death and what this chapter basically says is No He Was Not and i'm totally fine with that!

the general read before we got the the whole cascade of reveals was that hikaru spiralled after ai's death anyway (although im also happy yura isn't retconned kasfjdks justice for her) + it felt kinda weird to pull the He Was Totally Innocent of Everything when we have chapter 109

ignoring whatever 160 tries to imply with 15yo hikaru manipulating nino and ryousuke though lmao thats incredibly stupid. hes not responsible for their actions especially not when he didn't even do anything? he was heartbroken what is he just supposed to do. not wallow? im just taking that as nino trying to push responsibility onto hikaru to take the heat off her actions just like she blames ai in 158

honestly the whole mystery reveal and timeline is so fucked its genuinely difficult trying to make sense of any of it in a way that doesn't damage the themes of hikarus character purely because both are just so inconsistent

in the same vein it feels very ehhh to have hikaru disparaged like this and barely receive any sort of sympathy (even in 160 which. no really how was ai's death his fault) especially when hes a csa victim

this also makes 153 and 154 kind of lose a lot of impact? like hikaru trying to kill ruby doesn't really make sense especially when you factor in the phone call in 158 where he's actually trying to turn himself in. the way i've been reading this whole scenario is that aqua finds out about rubys attempted murder sometime between the concert starting in the evening and the whole knifeproof vest debacle happening in the morning and spiralled in a combination of hoping his revenge was over and having it ripped away from him + his guilt that since he'd let kamiki go this happened (because he knows about yura) and came to his own conclusions and that he's heavily projecting onto hikaru

unfortunately crow girls dialogue puts a wrench in things. we'll see how this goes

anyways. the back half of this chapter was so good i actually almost forgot my complaints about the hikaru + mystery inconsistencies. my earliest predictions for aqua's revenge had actually been that he'd attempt suicide in order to frame kamiki because there was no actual "evidence" for any of his other crimes so. imagine my surprise when this chapter came out LOL

also i do have to get this one out of the way but making sure rubys reputation stays clean would be hard to do when it comes out about who kamiki being a serial killer as is implied by the movie??? (incl. killing ai but like. when did this happen. in the movie. did aqua add a post credit scene or smth?? offscreen no ko) but maybe it would work if the lie is sold about kamiki being responsible for ais death??? im reaching here

i was so worried when the initial leaks came out that aquas murder-suicide attempt was for pure shock value because in conjuction with earlier chapters it didn't really feel like aqua's character was at a point where he'd do this, even if it would be in character for movie aqua

but no! the prior sequence with aqua acknowledging every relationship in his life with tenderness and love and the soft, rueful smile on his face (god he looks just like ai im shaking) as he says he'd abandon it all. in tears. come on.

this was honestly so good to read with how ruby focused his speech was in 160. because. aqua has so much love and care for every person in his life that he spends at least half the manga screaming crying throwing up from how much he just cares.

god. that whole sequence has me kicking my feet. crying. shaking in my boots.

so happy for taiki mention!! aqua considering him as part of his family!! the mini arc of taiki and aqua going from "yeah don't call me brother though" to beach trips is. ough. now let ruby have some bonding with taiki too cmon

i had to take a minute to scream into my pillow when aqua said he wanted to call miyako "mom". aaaaaa he sees her as his mother!! its such a good callback to 155 when miyako called him her son to his face. he wanted to say it back and tell her he saw her as a mother too. wailing. man. miyako lamenting about not being able to be as close to the twins as she wished and being upset about it because she wasnt their actual mother but here aqua reciprocates that love!! shes his mother!!!

it would have hit a lot harder if we saw miyako more in movie arc though but thats been a complaint for a while now askfdjsdks

now all thats left is for aqua to call ai mama too. come on. you can do it.

god it is so so good to see aqua wanting to make it up to akane and start over as friends with her. their mutual respect and care doesn't diminish just because they're no longer dating and aqua specifically acknowledging that he messed up and wanting to get back on equal grounds with her because she is very important to him, with and without the romance! she was the first person he ever fully admitted his revenge to! i'm just happy to see that akane doesn't fade out of importance to aqua just because he's romantically interested in kana. he still wants to have a good relationship with her. augh.

aqua is romantically in love with kana and while that already confirmed in 150 it sure is great to see it double confirmed in this chapter by aqua himself. and its those dreams along with wanting to be a doctor and supporting his family that just makes it really heartbreaking when he abandons them

god the artwork in this chapter is so damn good mengo is on fire like usual. aqua's rueful smile as he explains what he's about to do, and the way the smile stays on his face, a version of one of ai's horrible smiles that she has during her death and its. augh. yelling crying i want to wrap him in blankets

he looked so much like ai i physically flinched

i said it before but like everything about aquas sequence in this chapter his dreams, his rueful resigned smiles, his love for everyone in his life combined with the absolute loathing he has for himself, the self hatred and guilt that makes it near impossible for him to see himself as truly valued by the people he loves to the point he'd give up everything for them...this is truly aqua and thats what makes it really utterly heartbreaking when he does finally use the knife

guess his answer to goro in 150 is this huh

i don't want to make any predictions for what's going to happen in the next chapters but i will say that i don't really want either hikaru or aqua to die. not only is it unnecessarily traumatizing for aqua if he survives and hikaru dies, but its also just a cop out if hikaru does tbh. it would feel cheap and not meaningful in any way and also reflects really badly on hikarus arc as a whole. hikaru should make good on his promise for making it up to ai, but i dont think he should die doing so

anyway. that was certainly a chapter whew

NO BREAK NEXT WEEK IVE DREAMED OF DAYS LIKE THIS

[vampiricsheep]

(tagged by @commander-wame and @mystery-salad, thanks! <3)

Ty for the tag @herald-of-aurene !!

tagging @bird-bureau @commander-winterberry @norn-knot, @the-desert-beast and any other besties that haven't been tagged yet

(art by @/comander-winterberry, thank you again!!)

-- B A S I C S

Name: Shadow Nicknames: "the edgehog" by a rather disparaging friend (Keith) Age: ~25 Birthday: June/july 26th (shit's happened enough that he honestly can't remember the month, just that it's one of the J's) Race: Human Gender: one of those he/its Orientation: dudes Profession: just trying to get by, man (unemployed)

-- P H Y S I C A L A S P E C T S

Hair: glossy, if often greasy or dirty, black with dyed red ends Eyes: normal human black. sometimes you'll catch a glimpse of something feline and golden, though Skin: a light tan with golden undertones Tattoos/Scars: nothing of note. most scars are shallow and mostly healed to the point of having to actively look for them to see them

-- F A M I L Y

Parents: doesn't know em, orphanage baby Siblings: same as above In-laws and others: same as above Pets: none

-- S K I L L S

Abilities: more of a curse than ability honestly but when he sleeps its spirit inhabits the body of a jaguar. it's the same spirit so he maintains memory, thoughts, and control across both bodies Hobbies: carving soap with a shitty pocket knife. used to do parkour but it fumbled and hurt his shoulder pretty badly once

-- T R A I T S

Most positive trait: It's pretty versatile and rolls with the punches. Most negative trait: Easily irritated, often seems in a confused state that's frustrating for both it and anyone that's not close enough/compassionate enough to be patient. very low standards; once ate a live mouse for twenty bucks

-- L I K E S

Colors: dark black-green, overpass grey, rich red Smells: Monstera houseplant leaves (if you get your face up in them you'll know what I mean), grapefruit, tobacco Textures: glossy waxy leaves, stretchy denim, concrete Drinks: honestly? limey hard tap-water and really weak beer. He drinks Monster energy drinks but he doesn't really like the taste unless he's delirious.

-- O T H E R D E T A I L S

Smokes: nah Drinks: had a phase but it's expensive so he really only does it if someone else is buying and doesn't seek it out anymore. preferred poison is cheap beer Drugs: nope. just made things kinda worse all around when he tried em Been arrested: a few times. mostly shoplifting or petty theft, but there was a time when he was falsely accused of passing out drugs and another really bad time where he was investigated for murder. it wasn't him though

[number-1-kuaidul-fanboy]

Okay as much as I disparaged it before, I actually really enjoyed episode 125.

Aside from the obnoxious "omg Yuhi and Zeyet are on a date!" bullshit that I hate on principle for reasons I'm not bringing up again, it was an enjoyable episode. It was overall silly but the non "date" jokes mostly landed for me, some without even full context.

(Extended thoughts below)

I liked getting to see more Zeyet, she's firmly second favourite Darkman for me, and Zwijo was weirdly enough the most likeable he's ever been in the whole show within this episode. I wish they used his seriousness about dueling for more lighter sillier moments like this episode did. It's not something you might expect from him but at the same time, it makes perfect sense and I like it. I really do WANNA like Zwijo again despite my problems with his character this season.

Anyways, the real stars this episode were Yuhi and Yuamu. This arc as a whole has been one of the best, if not the best so far for giving these two focus and miraculously, development that doesn't have one twin overshadow the other. Yuhi appeared much more in this episode than Yuamu, it was his episode, but Yuamu has been getting a lot of time to shine as a villain in this arc and even the beginning of this episode, she had that amazing scene with Yuhi that I discussed in its own post.

To summarize, she's acknowledging, even if it's mostly internally, that what she's doing is a big deal, and that she's hurting the ones she loves, as well as herself. It almost seems like she doesn't want to do this either, but feels it's her duty. So she wants to at least have her final duel as herself with her twin brother. It's selfish in a way, but compellingly so.

And Yuhi this episode, while his conflict seems shallow and silly on the surface, is really just him running from the terrible fact that his sister is about to... not die exactly but she is about to erase the memories that make her who she is to become a different person. Like dying and being reborn, just like the function of the card she intends to use to do so...

It's really compelling and interesting and makes me like both these characters and their siblinghood so much more. I'm really glad the arc has revolved around them so much. It's kinda lead to Yudias comparatively getting shafted but I have a feeling the next episode will address that.

So overall, I genuinely thought this was a great episode, and a really compelling further character exploration for Yuhi and Yuamu. I'm... excited yet nervous to see what the next episode does.

[alicentsgf]

the bond between rhaenyra and alicent is crazy. by the point the dinner happens and viserys dies theyve been enemies longer than theyd been friends. everyone has perfectly good reasons to think they would no longer care about each other. otto is the only one truly paying attention, and therefore he kinda knows. hell, even alicent and rhaenyra seem to be taken aback by each other at times. the years they spent living at the keep together must have been insane

this is the thing though (and i've said this before and i'll say it again!) - we're given plenty of evidence to suggest rhaenyra and alicent were so built into each others lives prior to alicent marrying viserys that they were basically one entity. alicent was rhaenyra's childhood companion they were always together, like to the point of unhealthy codependency lmao, thats just the nature of it; it was just them, no other playmates or classmates or friends. just them. together. always. likely from a very young age. and we know they were at least some form of in love with each other, i think thats been confirmed enough at this point for me to say that without needing to argue my point.

and then they get torn apart and maybe dont say one genuinely kind thing to each other for years. but the issue is they only hated each other so much because they loved each other so much first. every unkind act is based in 'i loved you and you betrayed me', 'i loved you and you hurt me', 'i still love you and apparently it doesnt matter' and they can never really hope to reconcile the amount they loved and depended on each other because they never get any closure for it so they just keep loving each other underneath it all and using that pain to foster their resentment of each other. their shared past is just a gaping bloody wound and its never going to heal.

and you're right its not actually that surprising that so few people see the truth of it because rhaenyra and alicents past is only kept alive in them and openly disparage each other for decades and they never speak about their past to anyone (that we see). as ive pointed out previously daemon and criston are their respective confidantes and theres no way they would feel comfortable sharing any of the lingering positive feelings they have for one another with either of them.

and sorry for the tangent but just linking back to my earlier posts today: i do still think the evolution of their relationship was a bit rushed/whiplash inducing (as quite a few elements were, that was the sacrifice made to keep the pace up). they came back too easily from the brink in a way that seemed overly narratively advantageous to rhaenyra - but regardless their story still holds up in a way i cant help but find ridiculously compelling. i still think making this change was a great way to critique the nature of the source material because now you have these two women at the centre of this story who are unquestionably victims and had so little choice and i know some people dont like that because its uncomfortable or w/e and certainly the execution leaves a bit to be desired but to me it just seems unrealistic for them to be anything else? look at the world they live in. the reality they face. we see time and time again in our own world women strive to collaborate and build bridges and men tear them down and pit women against each other and i dont think its reductive or psuedo-feminist to make that phenomenon a central aspect of this story when its set in such a heavily patriarchal world.

[malleablemusic]

unfortunately, my boyfriend unironically listens to weezer, and has caught wind about this blog. after a month of trying, he has successfully convinced me to use this album for this week's blog. let the record state that i have heard island in the sun before, as aquamarine is one of my favorite movies in the entire world (for anyone wondering, he will now be watching that fantastic piece of cinematic history with me in exchange for this post). anyways, here's my review of weezer's self titled album:

don't let go: 3/5 stars

i love when a man sings "ill be down on my knees" for some reason its just so vulnerable

loving the simp energy he is giving, whole song is just begging so far

this is transforming me into a 14 year old boy with a spiky haircut, learning guitar in my room, suddenly i want to play basketball in my driveway

his voice is very classic, especially for the music genre, but doesn't feel unique enough for me

photograph: 2.9/5 stars

i always love clapping in songs, especially in an intro

such a fun beat, i could dance around my room to this

i think he just liked getting to repeat "re-erect it" over and over

hash pipe: 4.6/5 stars

oh okay raaaangeee!!!! is this a completely different singer

feels like such a different vibe than the first two

what happens when that 14yr old spiky haired kid gets older and gains access to marijuana lmao

i didn't know weezer could be angsty this is great

"you've got your problems / i've got my eyes wide / you've got your big g's / i've got my hash pipe" he's truly speaking words of wisdom

island in the sun: 5/5 stars

it is very hard for me to separate this song from the film that means so very much to me (aquamarine) so i simply will not be

the pure joy and light and love this song exudes its insane

i am instantly transported to a beach, in a bikini and big shirt, hair damp and sun-bleached, off a margarita and dancing in the sunset

i am obsessed with the guitar solo and need to learn how to play just for this

the way he sings "we'll never feel bad anymoreeee" !! IM HEALED

crab: .1/5 stars

okay continuing with the beach theme

brb googling what it means to crab?

according to the internet they're just complaining about the women. ok way to let me down after one of my favorite songs ever

is this just a man upset a woman won't sleep with him

"crab at the booty / 'taint gonna do no good" shutttt uppp ! just shut up (:

this is really gonna lower the album's average huge L for them

knockdown dragout: 2.5/5 stars

lyrics are kind of giving nothing, repetitive

i do enjoy the guitar, they always eat with that, but this is kind of boring

smile: 2.8/5 stars

i like his little belting when he sings "'cause i don't wanna break"

the guitar solos in this album !! even the short ones, so good

follows the common theme i see of wanting a girl to give him a chance...

simple pages: 2.8/5 stars

yup okay another song asking a girl to give him a chance - truly, i get it, and this is a valid form of art you go sir, i just do not see myself listening to this kinda music

i do enjoy pining every once in a while do not get me wrong

another bangin guitar solo

feels like i don't have much to say about this..

glorious day: 3/5 stars

angsty nerdy boy decides its time to finally make a move and ask a girl out

i like these kinds of weezer songs more, the "grittier" sound

giving angry high school band in a battle of the bands competition

o girlfriend: 2/5 stars

i think what i don't like about them is while their sound is good and i enjoy it, the lyrics are truly so generic and not special

i think I said this in an earlier post, and i am not trying to be disparaging, but an AI chatbot could've easily written this in 30 seconds- i just don't believe he's actually hurt and grieving a love, i want to feel the artists genuine pain, this does not sound like a man torn apart

sadly, i was very underwhelmed by this album. to my partner's credit, this is not his favorite of their work, so maybe i will give the rest of their music a try eventually, but for now that was very mid (aside from the perfection that is island in the sun) and i'd give the album 2.7/5 stars.

[phoenixradiant]

Writer Questionnaire

My thanks to @paeliae-occasionally for the tag! This gets pretty long so I'm putting it under the cut

About how long have you had your writing tumblr/writeblr?

Dunno, probably a bit over half a year at this point? Was it around February?

What led you to create it?

@ theidealistcynic (not actually @-ing him but he doesn't have a nickname like I do so) had one and he saw some people being less vague than he was and was like "Hey Fen here's a place where you can anonymously rant!" So now I'm here.

What’s your favourite thing about the writeblr community?

Probably the way we can joke about each others' characters. I don't do it too too much because I've gotten aspects of my mutuals' characters wrong before, but it's always fun either way.

What’s one thing you’d like your mutuals to know about you?

If you ever want real-life advice, I'm always willing to oblige. Can't promise it'll be helpful, but I'll try. You're all people with lives, same as me, and I'd be remiss not to try to help when I can.

Is there anything you’d like to see more of on your dash?

I actually made a post about this awhile back, but I'd love to see more unprompted rambling. I run across a lot of tag games, which are great, but not as great as someone choosing what they want to talk about for themselves.

Which wips or writing projects are you noodling about, lately?

I'm actually sworn to just the one until I finish Act II at the very least. Which means it's Kelovir, has been for awhile, and will be awhile longer.

How long have you been working on them?

This is a pretty loaded question to be perfectly honest. I've been working on the prose draft for a bit over a year and three-quarters at this point. But the larger world it's set in has been lodged in my mind for over a decade. I suppose it came to fruition in what can reasonably be called its current form in late 2021/early 2022.

Do you remember what inspired them/what got you started?

No. Ink runs through my veins, light resides in my lungs, lifting me into the sky to see worlds and powers beyond our own. It just sort of happened, kinda like how you just happen to think some things taste better than others. I prefer to write rather than play sports or draw. It's always been that way, I suspect it will always be that way.

How much time, in your best estimation, do you spend thinking about them?

Too much for how little I write.

When someone asks the dreaded, “what do you write about,” question, what do you usually say?

I'm an antisocial prick to 97% of people, so I don't often get asked that. My non-writer friends and family are all decently smart avid readers, so they're familiar with a decent number of fantasy classics and figure that's what I write because that's what I read. Among my writer friends we're all SSF writers, so we don't bother asking for generics. If someone asked that question right now, though, I'd probably say something along the lines of "A fantasy story about finding purpose in a world hellbent on destroying it." Most people who don't know what fantasy is proceed to disparage it if I bother to explain, so I leave off the explanation usually.

Name any characters you created. side characters, protagonists, antagonists, characters who’ve never been written, your first original abomination; whomever you’d like!

Hmm. I'm going to name Jikolovor. He's a very minor character who shows up for one scene with Maiph and Lycoris, but he has a lot of backstory importance for Radiaten specifically. He's an odd fellow who is very big on order and intentionality. He doesn't think of emotions as bad, but they must be in agreement with reason, and he doesn't hate freedom, but thinks it must be bounded to certain moral lines.

Who’s the most unhinged?

Kesh Anyraz. Unfortunately his whole personality is being unhinged so that's hardly an interesting answer. Cellic gets pretty unhinged for a bit there, but he comes out of it, so the character who was once on hinges that has since become unhinged would probably be Anesaru. She's just sane enough to be really dangerous, but just insane enough to... do what she does as a villain (spoilers).

Who comes the most naturally for you to write?

Cellic feels very comfortable to me because I understand and enjoy him. Kar is comfortable-ish because his narration style and speaking style is very informal. Narra isn't ever very comfortable, but her difficult moments are never as difficult to write as the other two either. As to non-PoV characters, Radiaten has a very consistent personality and shares my sensibilities for when is appropriate to quip, so he's about as close to a personality self-insert as I get. So not super close but you get the point.

Do you ever cringe at them?

Only when I'm intentionally writing them to be cringeworthy. Other than that, I have an actor's sensibilities when it comes to earnesty in art. I cringe at real life far more often than I do at my characters, not because people in real life are earnest, nothing against that, but because I'm socially inept and even I can see how tactless and out-of-place they are.

How much control do you feel you have over your characters? do they ever “write themselves,” refuse to cooperate, or do things you didn’t expect? to what degree? are some less cooperative than others?

I'm a student of the "driver's seat" school of art, so I'm in control the whole way along. Characters can nudge me certain directions, sometimes I decide on the spur of the moment to add an extra scene or something, but ultimately I decide on the start and end points and most of how they get there. Sometimes that changes, but individual characters are never the cause of that. It's always two or three characters in confluence or, more often, a more thematic moment. I'm pretty good at wrangling my characters into shape... it just sometimes means writing new scenes takes awhile.

Do you enjoy people asking questions about your characters? and do you have a preferred means of receiving said questions? for example, as asks, as replies, as reblogs, as tag notes, as comments on ao3, etc.

Nods in laconic appreciation.

What makes you want to follow another writeblr account? do you follow ‘em as you see ‘em, or take time scoping out the blog to make sure you align with its content? do you follow based on wips, or vibes?

I follow people who I consistently see making or reblogging posts that I'm interested in. Simple as that. I suppose I can be a bit stingy with my follows, but a lot of it is that I don't want to find out they made one good writing post and then spend the rest of their time complaining about how everyone they know irl except them is a selfish bastard who deserves to be bound, gagged, and thrown into the ocean (yes I have someone in mind, no it's not any of you, don't worry). I am, I have discovered, a more plot-focused reader than a lot of people, and so I appreciate writeblrs who talk about their story as a cohesive unit, rather than just plot or just characters or just world. The weaving of all that together is definitely something I look for.

What makes you decide against following?

Oh whoops probably should've saved part of last question for this one. Ah well. Openly hostile and ungrateful people, mostly. Show common courtesy and you'll be fine.

Do you interact with non-mutuals often?

I mean... Do I?

Okay, so I looked into it, and I do routinely interact with a few non-mutuals, but I follow all three of them. I don't remember the last time I interacted with someone who I am not now following (actually I think I reblogged one writing advice post about dialogue tags). So not much, but sometimes, I guess.

Solid meh

Do your mutuals’ characters occupy space in your noodle?

A couple of them do. Not all of them, but a decent number. There's like a critical mass of information after which they can reliably stay in my head. The ones who I hear more about are the ones who take up occasional residence in my imagination.

This was fun! NP tagging @the-ellia-west, @pluppsauthor, and @somethingclevermahogony!

[hanzajesthanza]

i'm w/ my folks rn so i can't watch your essay today BUT just know that i'm rly excited about it and i'm glad you managed to make it! i'm always daydreaming about essays on various topics so it's super impressive to see someone make a long one on something they cherish. And ALSO tbh... not to disparage good videos, but the witcher yt essay space feels kinda. Like That because it crosses over with dark fantasy/hc's fans/misinterpretation of the books so i'm so happy to see your take on it. I'll probably send a reaction in the comments/ask to show my appreciation when i get to it. have a nice day and congrats!

ah thank you so much!! it means so much to me that people have kept this essay on their mind and are eager to watch it :') hope you enjoy when you snag a chance to watch it!

also i'm glad my work speaks to you!! whatever i'm making, i'm doing it because i feel like i can bring something unique or less spoken about, and contribute to the conversation in a positive way. if all there is to say has already been said, why bother?

this is why i did not make a video mentioning netflix for a very long time, even though i wanted to talk about it, because i felt everything had already been said, critiqued, done. but when i put together the research about the origins of the witcher with the problems which netflix ran into, well, it just suddenly made sense, and was a unique take i hadn't seen before. and i could finally say something that wasn't coming from negativity, but curiosity.

with the videos i've done so far (well, this only makes two (2) lol, so not very many at all), i've done them from my heart and without putting pressure on myself to try to fit in to any specific scene or space, which also made working on them very enjoyable as i could be creative and focus on storytelling, not worrying about how it will be received.

in that regard, i was honestly really inspired by the very people and publications i talk about in the video.

the success of fantastyka and the witcher were not out of nowhere, but were reflecting a broader interest which no one had pursued with such forte and so consistently prior to their creation. (in my personal journey, i'm still working on the 'consistency' bit...)

at the same time, while trying to make something people would like, they also did not change to make themselves as consumable as possible. they embraced their genre, their niche, and they were unapologetically themselves, creating for the people that would be interested. (this caused multiple rifts and disagreements within the fandom, some of which i myself even feel strongly about, but), the work found audiences, audiences which were strongly moved and impassioned, who would probably never forget some of these things.

on the flip side of this, with netflix's example, which i talk about later in the video, what i saw when people try to cut pieces of themselves off in order to fit in, is that they eventually hack themselves to bits, lose their identity, and thus, memorability and place in people's hearts.

so it's interesting, in that the research and core argument of this video actually structured its creation and reason for existing in the first place.

[drac-onion]

"I made this!"

So I have a bit of an unhealthy relationship with art.

I would never call myself an artist, but I would never disparage someone for doing the exact same thing I do and then call themselves an artist. An artist, to me, is someone who makes art. Simple as. Sure, you could more minutely define it as someone who makes a living from art, but you could also argue that the specificity of that would fall under whether or not someone calls themselves a professional artist. Meaning that they do it as their profession. (IE: a paid occupation, usually involving prolonged training and/or formal qualification.)

So, by that rule, I'm an artist because I make art (sometimes), but not a professional artist, because I don't make a living from it.

I suppose I could call myself a writer, too, but let's not get too into the weeds on etymology and labels. I'm some rando that makes art (sometimes) and writes (sometimes, and I even post sometimes too! [keyword: sometimes])

I'm pretty apprehensive about posting things I've made because of weird vulnerability I feel around it. Cuz like, I tried my best (or maybe its just a quick n dirty something or other for a laugh) and now that thing is going to be out for anyone to see? Spooky.

Well, I'm going to try to change my mindset and post things that I made cuz I made them, and if other people see them, great. If not, then it's for me to look back on anyway. It's not about likes or reception or anything. Just for me to look back on. It's just a scrapbook that I just so happen to put somewhere for others to look at if they want.

I recently went through my PC and located everything I've ever made and put it one spot. It's organized by year, and it was kind of wild to see how far I'd come in some regards.

There's some pictures I took of my sketchbook from when I was following Mark Crilley's art tutorials. Some attempts at pixel art (some of which aren't half bad, tbh) and some sketches I made in that old Sketchbook app for android. I actually had to hop on my old deviantart for some of it (oof) since I couldn't find the original files. They're probably on an old laptop somewhere, but I couldn't be bothered to pull the hard drive and dig for it.

I can really pinpoint my artistic motivations and pursuits in each year.

2013: Pixel art (just the worst pixel doubling and uniform outlining, yikes!)

2014: Traditional art and youtube tutorials, along with some pixel art here and there)

2015: I could only find one drawing from 2015 (had to grab that one from facebook...YIKES) and its a not-too-shabby drawing I did from reference.

2016: Following along with a Bob Ross episode in Mario Paint. This one actually looks really good. Maybe I'll post it one of these days, cuz it's kinda neat.

2017: Bought a drawing tablet with the money I made from working. Downloaded Sai and tried drawing from figure references. Some of it is really bad, but some of it shows an understanding of figure, which is kind of impressive in hindsight.

2018: Some more Bob Ross pixel art. I followed along with the same video as in 2016, but in Aseprite (the demo, so I only have a screenshot of the finished product because you can't save in the demo) and damn, it's still one of my favorite things I've ever made in Aseprite. Especially for only being 4 colors (GB green palette)

2019: Some more Sai stuff. Probably all done in the same session, but it's not the worst I suppose. I'm pretty inconsistent when it comes to focusing on art. I tend to get pretty distracted when I'm not immediately good at something. (And now I know why, although hindsight is 20/20)

2020: Uh? Couldn't find anything from 2020. Given what occurred that year, that's not all that surprising TBH.

2021: Some music I made and a doom level I made. This was sort of my intro to making levels for games. We had to make a game pitch for a school project and I went all out on making a demo. I think I clocked my hours and it was well over 40 hours put into the level alone. Made a custom weapon sprite any everything. It's pretty cool.

2022: My intro to working in 3D and making youtube videos. I started in Gmod, making simple animations, before eventually swapping to SFM for stills. Then a friend asked why I didn't just learn Blender instead, so that's what I did. If you know me from twitter, then you've probably seen these. They're NSFW, so maybe don't go digging if that isn't what you're into. That was sort of where my unhealthy relationship with social media and art began, because I started focusing a lot on views and likes and reception for things instead of just making things I wanted to make. (Mostly because I was surrounded by and learning from actual professionals, who do it as like, a job.) Sure there were things I made because I wanted to make them, but for the most part, I was going for the popular thing and wanting to "get big" at the time. Cringe, I know. Such is life. You live and you learn. Some of the best I made during this time was cuz I wanted to make it, and those are the ones I'm most proud of to this day.

2023: Burnout city! Unemployment will do that to you. Sure I worked on some stuff here and there, but I really burnt the hell out. Ended up working on some Doom levels and some little things here and there. Making a titlecard for a friend's youtube video, a cover art for a HM2 level, finishing my second reload animation, and a couple blender things. 2022 felt so productive in comparison, where did it all go wrong? (Oh yeah, the weird obsession with views. Right.) Then I got into writing that summer and I've sort of kept up with it. AO3 says I wrote 93k words that year, so that's not nothing. (I promise I'm working on another big project. It's just...hitting some creative snags. Again. Such is life.)

2024: The current year. I'm...trying to get back into making things for me. Writing things because I would read it. Drawing things that I would look at, or that I find interesting. Once again, I'm sort of trying to game my attention problems by not focusing TOO hard on one thing at a time. Otherwise I'd never finish anything, and while I'm not concerned about having things to post to social media, it does feel good to look back and see things you've actually finished. It's better to finish something and have it be like 50% of what it could have been than never reach 100% and then it just lives on as a reminder of your inability to finish things. I'd rather call something done and move on than obsess for ages over "what could have been." Or maybe I'm just waffling because I'm still trying to shake my weirdness. Bah. Some stuff I make might never see the light of day, but that's kind of a shame. I like making things and sharing them with other people. It's fun.

That's really the operative word of this whole ramble.

Fun

I do things because it's fun. I should want to do things because they're fun. Of course that's easier said than done when you have my specific brand of brain problems, but ya gotta catch the wind in your sail when it blows, right? (If that even makes sense.)

So yeah, here's hoping that this weird ramble convinces me to post things. Not because I want to get clicks or likes or engagement. But because I want to remind myself of how fun it was to do.

Like that Kolibri doodle I posted yesterday was something I did for fun. I though it'd be fun to do, so I did it. Simple as.

So here's to fun. Let's do stuff for that, and forget about clicks. I'm doing it for me. If you happen to like it, then more power to you. But I wanna have fun for me.

Yeah.

(Watch me then never post anything because my interests have waned and I hyperfixate on something else and then have to look at this post in a few months and cringe at the thought.)

But hey, nobody else is reading this anyway.

Right?

[pilferingapples]

apaladinagain

#he is literally not stupid!!!!#his priorities are different from societies and he is acting on that#in a logical and joyful way#every time we see him??#he's still at uni by choice because it's a great situation for organizing!! and also other forms of radical joy!#fuck off he is not stupid (affectionate) let alone any other kind#what he's got a type of brilliance that's disparaged by the cop in your head

artsymoth

#he's not stupid he just knows how to have fun

shadowofmoths

#he's literally not stupid.#hes very smart. AND wants to punch things.#rel contains multitudes okay?

pilferingapples

#show me where in the text Bahorel is stupid.#Show me where he's even a LITTLE stupid.#by god and anime I will argue this point forever#will this poll be our Denny's Parking Lot at 3am#I kinda feel like it SHOULD be#you know#for the vibes

shitpostingfromthebarricade

#Bahorel is actually hella smart#he just misuses abuses or very intentionally refuses to use his knowledge when he thinks it'll be fun or interesting#French Romanticism is such a fun and wild movement#also it requires p much every CW but if you ever wanma get more of a feel for Bahorel#Champavert by Pétrus Borel is SO good#like even its concept of ''immorality tales'' is like ... so good#but again: it has murder racism s/a suicide infidelity and injustice of all kinds#so if that is not something you think you're up for maybe it isn't the Borel book for you#(but also if it is get the translation by Brian Stableford)#(Brian is SO good with translating and footnotes and clearly just enjoys his job and the era and the authors he translates)#(and also apparently the other main translation is dogshit)#bahorel#also we don't ever get any canon indication that Bahorel is big or beefy#it says he is always down for a ruckus#but that doesn't mean a fist fight#it doesn't even mean he'll win#you know who was also always down to fight? pre-serum Steve Rogers#I maintain my HC of Fezzik!Jean Prouvaire and Inigo!Bahorel stature#but this to say that even if he was dumb (he's not) he doesn't even fit the other specifications!!!

everyonewasabird

#...#h#how is this a question#if hugo were smart enough to know what bahorel was talking about les mis would be a better book

hello squad solidarity XD

[awesomehoggirl]

15!!

15. how has your identity changed over time?

flip flopped between bi and lesbian for years but am most comfortable with lesbian now. i never at all felt attraction to men like my friends did, i would kinda go along through jokes bc i wanted to fit in LOL and only ever with fictional characters i could never stomach real guys. met a guy who was the kind of guy i thought id be attracted to and tried to go through with it but was so icked out i didnt even get to that point ☠️. i even came to uni planning to try and experiment with guys to see if i could maybe like them but again in the end i could absolutely not go through with it (and also got with many more women and was like Hell fucking yeah i want this forever). was a weird journey and ive always struggled feeling confident in my identity bc i was disparaged by a family member when i first came out (the classic 'its a phase' but phrased much grosser and it was just such an upsetting interaction, even though this person is now super supportive) and my brain fixated on stuff like that by nature of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder but i do feel like ive come so far with feeling comfortable in myself and my identity :)