#its 5am we aint thinking that far

[jazartz]

5am thoughts with my sister:

Chinese pokemon trainer that mains a cat he thinks is a pokemon because in Chinese it's literally Mao

Like it's literally just what cats say

So he thinks he has a pokemon named Mao

And everyone tries to explain it's just a normal cat and he's like wtf is a cat this is a Mao

[rudy-redd]

Imabout to post art and i feel the need to prefice by saying that i have reading comprehension skills

[maskyartist]

*kicks door down, scatters my Augustus thoughts everywhere* PSPSPSPPSPSPSPSPSPSPS AUGUSTUS AQUATO STANS CMERE I GOT CONTENT FOR U

to make a long story short, it's 5am and im vibrating with these disjointed ideas i got for Augustus' mindscape so yall get to hear me ramble about it :D it probably wont make much sense? but these are super rough concepts that im just puttin down to see how i vibe with it (and maybe get feedback if yall end up throwin asks my way just sayin just sayin i will ramble MORE if u enable me and i'll do it for FREE)

so yeah enjoy my nonsensical ramblings about the only man i'd trust with my drink ever

a quick note, all of this is post-Psychonauts 2 so expect spoilers :D

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okay so i dont have a catchy name for Augustus's mental world just yet but im considering "Augustus' Anomalies" or somethin i'll get back on that anyways-

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i so badly want Augustus's mind to be a walk down memory lane. the whole place is like extreme platforming, think those super hard final levels in mario or somethin, so yeah this is Raz's home here he's gettin all over the place so easy. the idea is that the further you get, the more you find his repressed memories and feelings, things he's pushed down until he's forgotten so he doesn't need to face them. he doesnt have time for that with 5 kids, his wife, and his Nona around! he's a busy man!

but now? after everything? he only has time to think on his hands. and it's making it much harder to keep it all down, especially since he's just started remembering everything.

in comes Raz (and probably a few others. maybe the family too? or just Trouble Trio i aint sure) offering to do a mental wellness check on his dear ol dad, to clean up a bit and help him think a bit clearer

and to everyones shock, Augustus agrees, offering his mind for Razputin to explore as he pleases. when he's asked he just smiles. it's sad and tired.

"I don't want to hide things." he admits with a shake of his head. "Not after so much was hidden from me. My son deserves better."

so into the mental world we go! :D

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we start in front of a small blue tent, similar to Raz starting in a dark room with just the Caravan in front of him when he explored his own mind, and going through reveals a whole new world. its full of bright lights and colorful displays, rides and games and everything you'd expect to see at a circus. a properly funded circus at least.

however, that's below you. in actuality, you've spawned on a rather narrow platform with a tightrope in front of you leading to Mental Augustus who sits atop it with little issue. talking to him reveals that he's not...entirely "all there". he's still very much Augustus, but there's parts of him missing. in terms of design, he's completely monochromed (and maybe wearing a mask he cant take off? im futzin as we speak) and to bring him back to full color you gotta find these missing parts of him.

there's three parts missing, kinda similar to Cassie's level. but unlike Cassie's level, these arent archetypes that Augustus needs back. they're memories he genuinely can't find on his own. the ones that were either repressed by the Astralathe or by Augsutus's own subconscious to prevent him from feeling more hurt then he already is.

the missing parts are

- Happiness

- Anger

and - Sadness

at least so far. im still feelin it out.

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each section is held in it's own large looking tent that is slowly leading to a Big Top in the center. the level is made up of two sections, a "ground area" with concession stands and a bunch of figments and some mental constructs of people like his family, random carnies he's met when he was in Grulovia, and even some of the psychonauts :D only Milla, Sasha, and Oleander tho. they're the only ones that are important to him atm.

(Milla and Sasha are viewed rather nicely while Oleander seems to be getting the cold shoulder so....Augustus isn't over the whole "trying to kill my son and making him sneeze out his brain" thing quite yet)

the other part is a "sky area" or rather an area that's entirely off the ground, with tight jumps and carefully placed tightropes and trapeze placed all over to get around. on the ground you'll find the Emotional Baggage while in the air you'll find their Tags (to show that Augustus would rather repress his emotions then fully recognize them and accept them yknow?)

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first area's Happiness. the tent is seemingly from the early years of the Flying Aquato's Circus, very well made and well decorated as you head inside. there's a performance going on and your job is to help it move along smoothly since it seems they're missing a few people...

you help set up some balance balls, tie together some tightropes, and adjust the spotlights while the show goes on under you. once everything's in place, the show finishes with a human pyramid which is topped by a young Augustus colored yellow. he smiles all broad and gap-toothed and waves at you until you jump on and land on his hands to finish the show properly

(if you look close, you can see the Gzar and a young Gristol watching the show from these theater seats. they look out of place in the tent, as if they're too....nice looking to be there. but they're there, and they look bored as hell.)

once it's over, Happiness (as we'll call him) goes over to Raz and asks him to take him back now. the show's over, after all! he can't just stay here forever when there's so much more to see! like Bob's Bottles you end up essentially teleporting back to the tightrope the Mental Augustus is still sat at. Happiness essentially tackles Augustus and the man laughs before hugging the young version of himself. a bit cautiously but it gets easier once he actually commits to it. Happiness melts away and Augustus gains some color, but not all of it.

first area complete :D

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aaaand thats all i got rn. unfortunately. this is a super rough idea rn, and it'll be polished a lot before im satisfied with it in some kinda way, but i have a lot of thoughts

so tldr ; Augustus' mind is about digging up old repressed memories, good bad and ugly, and learning to accept them as part of you. even if they hurt, it's worse to ignore it all and let it simmer.

i also would like Maligugustus to be a final boss? but idk m thinkin.

if yall actually read all this im very impressed???? and if u have thoughts on this stuff definitely send em my way cause i have ideas for the Second and Third area and THATS where the angst is gonna hit i assure u

...anyways imma go get some sleep

[dazaily]

todoroki bringing his s/o to an amusement part

my first bnha work... kinda nervous posting this cuz like bnha(?) idk,, but for my manz, i will pull through!! hope u enjoy ^^

description: you and todoroki have been dating for awhile now, but recently he realised he never initiates dates, and so he planned and invited u to an amusement park for a date. 

warnings: gender neutral! reader. fluff. clichéd. i wrote this at 4-5am.

* ·    　 ˚  + 　　　 ·    *  ˚ 

my manz is innocent, like lbr, he aint gonna know shiz abt dating..

sooo, the first few weeks into ur relationship(?) he was alr facing his first crisis.

he felt like nothing changed, despite having transitioned from a platonic to romantic relationship.

and so, being the sweet and clueless lil bean he is, he went to seek for advice from his one and only bestie bakugou, midoriya.

“hey, midoriya, what does one do in a relationship” why am i making him talk like someone from the shakespearean era tf

“oh, um todoroki?? are u asking for y/n? if so, i don't think im not the right person u should be asking,, i mean ive never even been in a rela--”

“well, u were my best choice” 

midoriya notices the absolute chaos they are surrounded by in the 1A dorm 

“ok i may be the best choice.” said in tiny.

so after a discussion that dragged for way longer than it had to be 2 days, todoroki settled on the idea of bringing u on a date to the amusement park.

cute idea right? yes. there's no twist, like i said this is a fluff. 

n e ways, he was an awkward lil bby asking u out, cuz he's not used to receiving or giving affection,,,, he's trying his best.

“um, y/n, are u free this sunday..?”

“sunday, hmm i think i alr have smtg planned..”

“oh, um, well then, its fine, its nothing important..”

if u weren't hit by a pang of guilt, idk what type of monster u are.

“nah, that was just jokes, so whats up?”

and that was how y'all ended up in universal studios japan. usj

endeavour’s bout to be big mad when he realises the missing money from his wallet.

“sHOUTOOOOO!!” >:[

n e ways..

so ur date started with u dragging shouto around the entire park, with the goal of riding every single ride 

ofc he was fine with it, he was happy as long as he got to spend time with u. a simp.

but since u guys went on a weekend, there were way more people than u guys originally expected, like wHOA,,, 

the park was basically filled with people from all over the world, even though it wasn't holiday season..

so ur dreams and hopes of riding eery single ride, may be impossible..

hAH, YOU THOUGHT, YOUR MANZ FATHER MAY BE THE WORST PERSON ON EARTH, BUT HES STILL TOP 2 HERO. 

ur manz got u the express pass.

the one time ur grateful for the existence of his father.

so yall spent the first 2-4 hours just riding every single ride u could possibly find. 

shouto’s probably the type that is willing to try anything, i don't think he’ll be scared of any rides in particular. 

in the contrary, i feel like there'll be rides that he's lowkey excited to ride on, since he never had the chance to enjoy these events and places as a child. cuz of his sh*tty father.

he would ofc try to hide his excitement, but after being by his side for awhile, uve learnt how to differentiate his different emotions, despite his general nonchalant self. 

him being excited, makes u happy, cuz its rare that u get to see these sides of him.

omg pls protect him at all costs,, he needs it,,, he's so precious,, shower him with all the love in the world.

so y'all be running all over the place, until hunger slaps u in the face like that isekai truck that ive been waiting for. 

and so its food time!

“hmm, since were in an amusement park, we should get some hot dogs, churros, oMG and cotton candy!!”

“..what? c-ch-churros?? what are those?”

“holy sh-- u don't kNOW WHAT CHURROS ARE!? we’re getting churros right now.”

“but, i want soba... the cold one”

u ended up getting both. cuz it isn't todoroki without cold soba.

and it was back to running around the entire park riding everything.

but instead of running yallz were walking hand in hand, as if u guys were an old couple taking a stroll in the local park

and instead of the entire park, y'all were just in the harry potter section..

don't judge, its cute. and the food did some numbers to ur stomachs, so u were avoiding some rides till u digest ur food. 

while walking around, the sun was setting creating a beautiful scenery. 

wanting this to be a lasting memory, u convinced todoroki to take a photo together. 

u wanted to take an aesthetic couple photo to show off to other people who were trying to steal ur hunk of a man. 

at first u had asked random passerby to help yalls take a photo,, but being the attention-starved lil bby he is, he felt awkward posing in front of random people. 

which led u guys to just set up the camera on a small ledge with a castle in the bg. 

it was then, todoroki had experience a flashback to the conversation that him and midoriya had. 

“hmm, wikihow says that every date has to end in a kiss, for it to be called successful..”

“is this website trustable??”

“it should be.. anyways just do it.”

coming back to reality, todoroki suddenly felt a sense of urgency, the date was coming to an end, and he hasn't kissed u yet,,,,

at that moment, as the timer of the phone camera was reaching 0, with u and ur wide smile posing for the camera

todoroki gently turned ur head to face his, and he had kissed u, for public display.

ur face immediately turned red, but u eventually returned the kiss, after getting over the shock. 

after separating, todoroki was silent, slightly scared and worried of ur reaction(?)

“why didn't u tell me u were going to kiss me~~ u should've told me so i can at least look good in the photo~~”

“..huh? well, um, i just had he sudden urge to do it?” kinda ooc

he was flustered, confused, embarrassed and giddy all at the same time

but the hugest wave of relief came over him, as he began to relax. 

“well we can just take another photo if u don't like it--”

“nO, i like this photo. but im always open for another kiss.” ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

getting over ur prior embarrassment, u tried flirting with him, returning the bold action he had pulled off earlier. 

“well, i wouldn't reject an offer like that would i..”

surprising u by picking up on the offer u suggested, todoroki gave u another kiss, easily taking ur breathe away.

well, ig this just confirms that wikihow is reliable. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

i can't believe i ended a fic with a kiss,, this is the most cop out ending ive written but im way too tired to write properly rn,, 

˚  ˚ . ·   　 * 　 ⋆  * 　

a/n: hihi, so im kinda nervous posting this, cuz thus far i have only done haikyuu works so like??? i feel like i have an overall better understanding of haikyuu characters and their dynamics, but i wanted to write something for my precious icyhot <3 if this piece does well, ill try and write more about bnha characters. hope it was good!!

[rkyooa]

damn, rookies.

okay children, here we go.

i’m putting this under a read more cause, well, this isn’t going to be completely positive, in fact it’ll probably be a good 50/50 positive and negative. we’ve been asked to write about rookies for this fifth year anniversary. it’s amazing that this rp has lasted so long and seems to be the only active, successful roleplay on tumblr to have any kind of significant longevity, so i feel it’s only right to be honest when writing this. rookies has done a lot for me, and this includes both positive and negative things. each person’s experience is different, some will have really great experiences and some will have really negative ones, some will fall on the spectrum in between. i’m definitely in between. i’m gonna do this in a ‘rookies has taught me blank’ kind of way, just so that i can keep a silver lining in the picture, even with the negative. if you relate, then great, let’s chat and bond over it. if not, i hope my experiences help you so you don’t have to go through any of the same hardships i have. 

here we go

rookies has taught me resilience. it’s the first thing that comes to mind, because as much as this community has some amazing people who are supportive and uplift others, there is some really toxic stuff that has happened within the walls of this roleplay. sometimes it’s out of our control, and bad stuff just happens, and that’s okay, so long as we pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and move on. upon joining rookies, i had made yooa and hugo. hugo was a muse already conjured and in the works before he had officially joined, and he was in all honestly, made specifically for a friend’s muse here. yooa was plotted to have a long term ship from the get go as well, and both ships were integral parts of their muses. i lost both of them, nearly at once, and it quite literally took a chunk out of me. i never blamed the roleplayers for doing that, because i understood why they needed to leave. getting upset at them wouldn’t have changed anything either, so i just accepted it. i won’t say i didn’t suffer from it though, because i most certainly did. for a while i had no idea what to do with hugo. yooa, she had a bit of a purpose, because she wanted to be a model and an idol, but hugo especially was so hard to come back from on. failed ships or people leaving happened multiple times after that as well, but because of the initial loss of people i thought would never leave, the impact wasn’t nearly as bad, i was able to weather it and accept it, and move on ic. now i’m so understanding and don’t really get hurt when i lose ships or rp partners, i’m able to just be okay with it and look forward to the next ship or thread or endeavour. i’ve applied this to strictly ooc things as well. i’ve lost friends within rookies. people have stopped talking to me because of things that have happened concerning rookies. it sucks, i don’t like it, but i accept it. i’m becoming more and more thick skinned and level headed by the day. i can take blows and dish back kindness now, and i’m pretty proud of that. the only thing i’m still struggling with is the amount of netizen smack talk or belittling that suho got during the mgas. everyone loved to hate him, and while it’s just unofficial ic stuff, it did still get to me, hence why i stopped writing on my own netizen (and have since even deleted her account). the reason that specifically got to me is very unique to my situation. yooa and hugo got signed after what’s considered pretty long waits. there have been longer, obviously, but 8 and 6 months is still pretty long. they were both signed quietly as well, and haven’t had any special trainee projects or debut notices or anything like that, they’ve simply had their training as private trainees and that’s been it. i’ve never complained about that, because i get that others have been here longer than me, are more deserving of the spotlight, or sometimes that’s just how the cookie crumbles. i had a third muse before suho that was taking even longer to get anything. she had an audition with kt that failed, that’s about it, and i had had her for a pretty long time (rip rkyukji i miss you terribly but your true fc is dead and reubvleiwubds i just can’t play you cause of it otherwise you’d still be here kicking ass and taking names). now, she didn’t get scouted with chococon and i did complain about that, but in retrospect i realized her charisma was way too low to be street casted hence why i made suho with his insane charisma level and percentage.

CHARISMA IS THE MOST IMPORTANT SKILL, ROOKIES TAUGHT ME THIS, IT’S THE ONLY REASON SUHO WON AND IF YOUR MUSE HAS LOW CHARISMA YOU BETTER FIX THAT OR YOU’LL BE WAITING AGES AND AGES TO GET SCOUTED AND ONLY KT WILL TAKE YOU. LITERALLY LEARNED THAT ON YUKJI AFTER READING AN OLD POST ABOUT WHICH SKILLS EACH COMPANY SCOUTS. 

anyways, suho doing well on the mgas and winning was the very first time any of my muses had ever been in some kind of spotlight, really. for the first time ever i was genuinely being rewarded, and everyone was just shitting all over it. had yooa or hugo gotten something special i probably wouldn’t have cared that the netizens were always like ‘idk why suho is special, what’s with this junmyeon guy, he aint even talented, he’s not that good looking, etc.’ but because it was the first time something special was being done for me as a mun here, i took it to heart. it was like i wasn’t allowed to enjoy it, because someone else’s muse wasn’t the one in the spotlight. i still remember waiting up until 5am to see who the winner was, and when it came down to suho and haknyeon the tlist blew up with support and rooting for haknyeon, and then when suho was announced the winner? dead silence. i had never felt so hated within this roleplay before, and i felt the need to say sorry for him winning. bianca worked very hard to give all of us, and me, a very special experience, and all i could feel was remorse and regret by the end of it, which i’m sure wasn’t her intention. carly mentioned not understanding why i thought everyone hated suho - this is why. the moment one of my muses had some kind of attention or spotlight, people were mad, upset, whatever. it... really sucked. i feel really anxious and nervous whenever i mention his mga win in a thread now cause i’m worried i’m upsetting someone with it. i still have to work on this, but hopefully i become resilient to this too. i’m sure, if and when yooa or hugo becomes public or debuts, that the netizens will have things to say about them as well, and i just have to be prepared for it to be bad. people will be petty, they’ll be mean, it’s just how life is sometimes. all i can do is correct my own ways and try to build up a thick skin to it.

rookies has taught me dedication. a bitch has done her trainee replies and evals on all three muses every single week since each other has been signed. that’s right, i do fucking 6+ replies a week, every week. that’s sort of unheard of (except for kyle lol) and it’s shown me my unhealthy level of perfectionist tendencies i have, haha. my non-trainee threads have really fallen to the wayside, which sucks and i need to fix that, but after i’m done all of my trainee replies i’m just so tired. i’ll work on it, i promise, but a bitch is tired she does her replies every week cause she won’t be able to sleep if she misses an opportunity for an achievement she wants. i have goal pages set up on each muse that shows which achievements and what levels i want for them. i update them with my point pages every week, and boi there’s a LOT on there that i want to do. missing a week? it makes me panic because that’s another week on top of everything that i’ll need to get my muses where i want them. the fact that suho is so chillaxed about his training and debuting helps so much because my perfectionist ways reflect in yooa and she will literally murder me if i miss a week on her. i also started an rkresource thing (that i desperately need to update) and even though the mods probably have their own version of it i still kind of like seeing where everyone is at. i’ve got some competitiveness in my personality so part of me really wants to see my muses raise in rank in some areas. it kind of keeps me motivated? and i hope that it does for other people as well, haha. it’s not pinned to my twitter anymore but i think someone posted a link to it in the rkresource tag so! its the leaderboard doc. i also update my points every week cause i need to know where my muses are at, which apparently is also really rare? not even kyle does that lol but i know if i leave it i’ll get lost and mess up the tracking so it’s really just for my own sake of being bad with numbers. i lowkey add everything up now and then to make sure i’m on the right track. 

rookies has taught me how to keep muse. yooa is my longest running muse by far. not many know this, since i’ve been around nearly two years now, but i’m actually notorious for getting bored and losing interest in a muse. i’ve had a lot of muses in my time, more than 100, or even 200 at this point. they always sort of completed their story though, and i’d get so bored on them that i’d go inactive or drop them. these muses in rookies have goals, purposes, aims, and they don’t die. yooa is such a strong muse, as is hugo (suho is eh tbh but he’s there), and i know there’s still so much more for her to do and accomplish, so many paths to explore, and i deeply thank rookies for giving me a place where i can have two whole muses who refuse to die no matter what. that’s such a rarity for me, so thank you rookies. you’ve given me two very precious muses that i love with all my heart. no matter what happens ooc with other muns or even the mods, my love for these two muses keeps me from leaving and dropping, i could never do it.

rookies has taught me loving friendships. i have met some very special people here. they are few, honestly, but they are gems and i would never have known them without rookies. the person who has impacted me the most, honestly, is clara @rkwendy / @rkjohnny. this girl, i don’t think you guys realize how beautiful of a person she is. we aren’t best friends, but we’re close. clara has listened to me bitch, both about real life and things within rookies, even people she cares about, and she has not left my side or held anything against me. there are so few people in this world that could do that. she didn’t even push me to like anyone she liked, she let me realize my faults and errors on my own and she was supportive and proud when i realized them and voiced that to her. i try my best to be there for her as well, but i don’t know if i’ll ever be able to be there for her the way she has for me. i’ve got an extremely beautiful ship with her as well, that i hold near and dear to my heart, because as mentioned before i get bored easily, so doing slow burn ships has never been my forte, but wendy is just such a beautiful, layered, intriguing masterpiece of a muse that hugo and i fell completely in love and have been hooked ever since a year ago when the burn first started. it doesn’t matter how fast or slow the replies come, the muse is still there and strong for the ship and i am so thankful to her for being an amazing writing partner. another friendship that has impacted me, and i dont think she even knows or realizes this, is rose @rklisa / @rkyeri / @jinsoulrk. we started out really rocky, and we had some issues that were a good chunk my doing. literally, i came at her over the pettiest, stupidest thing (and i realized she was even right to begin with lol i was such a dumb ass), and then there were things ic that i was taking to heart ooc and it became an ooc issue. i didn’t really handle that well either. the reason i’m mentioning this is because it taught me to see my own faults and own up to them, and even try to change them. if i hadn’t been dumb, rose and i would’ve probably started getting along a loooooong time ago, cause the ironic thing is she and i like a lot of the same groups and share a lot of the same opinions both on irl groups and songs, and ic and ooc rookies things. i’m very excited to be among the new gen royal girls with her and to hopefully have our muses (WHO ARE FINALLY GETTING ALONG! YAY!) debut together one day. that’s obviously way off since luxe debuted this year, but eventually it’ll happen, and i look forward to the queens of sexy concepts yooa and lisa owning the stage together. i’m not mentioning many people because i don’t think there’s a need to. i’m just singling out people who have impacted me and taught me things (minus the mods, that’s sort of their job when muns go astray. thank you carly @taeminrk, lol, you taught me a valuable lesson too when i came at you over something i shouldn’t have and i still regret that to this day. i appreciate you forgiving me for that.) i will also mention ani @rkmiya / @rkmin / @rksohee / @rkchungha because she helped me through a really tough time when i was triggered (unintentionally) by someone in a group chat. we bonded a lot through that, and she’s been there to listen to me rant and complain ever since, haha. she also made me feel very welcome when hugo first joined nova, she hyped me so much and it meant the world to me because it made me feel like people were excited to have me around and to roleplay with me. i had heard horror stories about nova so i was really scared when i decided to have hugo sign. i was tweeting out ‘anything but nova’ during that whole thing but then he got nova and i wanted to cry, die, and pee myself at the same time. i ended up deciding to go for it (it’s only TWO YEARS LOL) and it ended up being the best decision ever. i started off on the right foot though and that’s all thanks to ani. i owe her big time for that. lastly, i’ll mention nic @rknahee / @rkjei / @rkobon. why, you ask? because she has restored my faith in people being trustworthy. especially recently, rookies was teaching me not to trust people. i’ve been very vocal about not being okay as of late, but people kept taking me for granted and just doing whatever they wanted and expecting me to still be there at the end of it no matter what they did. it’s been getting really tiresome and annoying, especially when those people get shocked and upset when i finally put my foot down and express my hurt. nic has taught me that there are people out there who genuinely care and will be there, and can be trusted. she’s gone through similar things to me with other muns, so maybe we’re both just jaded and tired and we can’t be bothered and that’s why we get along so well and trust each other so much. there are days where i wish i could take all of her pain and just put it on myself so she can smile and be happy and not worry about anything. she’s a genuine sweetheart and whoever comes for her will feel my wrath!!! i love her a lot, and always will <3 there are some people i’ve known since before rookies who are still my good friends now. lyn @rkxsnn / @rkavery (your damn urls i swear to god), jen @yujurk, and stef @rkohsehun, don’t think i forgot you guys. i love you to the moon and back. lyn is my ride or die, soulmate, best friend. jen is someone who reteaches me the value of not giving a shit all the time. stef is my fucking wIFE and i will mURDER for her. y’all are great, mwah, i love you <3

[[ amendment! i can’t believe i didn’t mention kyle @haseulrk / @seulgirk / @rksejeong. probs cause you’re a mod too and i was trying to stay away from that cause i don’t want to seem kiss ass LOL but you’ve been a wonderful friend that has taught me it’s okay to rely on people sometimes. i want you to know you can always rely on me too, whenever you need it. you’re a candle in the darkness, with you there will always be light <3 ]]

rookies taught me anxiety. aight, now here’s some of the nasty negative stuff i was talking about. rp in general has given me anxiety, something i never had or experienced before it. rookies festers it a lot, sometimes to an unhealthy point. i can’t help it, rookies is part of me now, i’ve invested so much time and effort into this place, so i can’t leave, even when the place is literally affecting my health. it sucks when i need an escape from all the bs happening in real life, and then i come here and it’s just more stress and hurt, and that’s when the anxiety rolls in cause then i no longer have a safe space. that’s just not the point of rookies, and i doubt the mods want that to be the case for anyone. it’s just tough when there are people i know i won’t ever get along with here, people i know who don’t like me for whatever reason (and still hold a grudge to this day even though they talk about how people shouldn’t hold grudges) or stuff like what happened with suho in the mgas happens, and i can’t do anything about it. mods can only do so much too. i kind of just expect people to not like me at this point? and i worry myself into a place where i feel like the whole world is against me. it’s super unhealthy, but honestly i don’t know how to fix it, it is what it is. it’s a part of me and my rookies experience, and it probably always will be, so like a lot of other stuff i just have to accept it. there are muns that i’m trying to get on better terms with and i hope i get good outcomes like i did with rose (she made the first step though i don’t take credit for that). for some of them, though, it’s very clear there’s just no reconciling, or their personality will just always clash with mine and there’s nothing to be done about it. all i can do is stay civil and keep striving for better outcomes. and i gotta remember to breathe. 

rookies has taught me clarity. i’m way better at seeing where i’m going wrong now. within the past year i notice that when i’m upset i’ll go and bitch in a safe space, or at least what i think is a safe space, but when that person i bitched about bitches about ME and it gets back to me i’m upset about it. kind of hypocritical, and i realized it. so i don’t hold grudges or confront or anything. everyone gets annoyed with people whether they’re close or not, and bitching about them sometimes doesn’t mean we hate them or they hate us. we just gotta VENT sometimes, you know? in retrospect i know i’ve come off as two-faced in some situations, but i’ve learned my personality really well and i know that if i want to tackle a situation with a level head and clarity, i need to blow off the steam out loud elsewhere first. i need to yell to someone who is impartial and won’t lecture me so i can get that off my chest, then go to the person in question and be calm when talking things out with them. in the moment clarity and level-headedness is slowly but surely starting to come as a result of this, and it’s mostly been situations in rookies that has taught me this. 

i keep rambling on and on, this post has been super huge haha, but i guess the main point i’m making is that rookies has taught me a lot of self growth. am i perfect? nope, and to paraphrase a recent conversation with my dear mother, i don’t want to be perfect, i have flaws and i like them, but i also am proud of the person i am becoming. if you hate me or dislike me, that’s perfectly fine, if you like me or love me, that’s fine too. if you’re indifferent, great! lol. rookies has taught me to accept all of it. it’s kind of sucky that rookies has taught me to just accept all the bullshit in life, but in a setting like this it’s hard to escape all of our flaws being concentrated and emphasized here. muses are a part of us and it gets pretty sensitive. having everything so concentrated and intense here, though, has taught me to be more resilient and accepting, and i get to apply that to real life. it’s also made me pessimistic, and to paraphrase a recent conversation with my asshole brother (who is super slytherin and waayyyy more optimistic than i am, and i’m a freaking gryffindor and pessimistic af, who is the real set of good guys rowling? i’m also a ravenclaw though so maybe that’s got something to do with it lol) that makes me dead wrong and i need to look into that, cause everyone inherently wants to do good. i wish i could see things like my brother lol but i’m jaded. one more thing to work on? maybe next year i’ll be more optimistic. if you’ve read all of this, holy hell go get a life friend, but thanks! let’s chat and plot sometime, because we all know rookies aint going anywhere~

sincerely, roe

@rkyooa / @rkhugo / @suhork

[legion1993]

i hate horror movies, but now i feel like i have been in one

A/N: i cant believe that i almost watched the Exorcist for the first god damn time in my life... but anyway my big thing is what little i saw in clips of the movie terrified the living daylights out of me... for this story i took a different approach, you could kind of say i did it as a Supernatural DCEU crossover... plucking the reality we all know and ‘love’ and twisting it into an obscure viewpoint. feedback appreciated... this is for @thing-you-do-with-that-thing ​ Kari’s Supernatral Halloween Challenge... this is for you girl!!!!

pairing: Jensen x reader

prompt: “what an excellent day for an exorcism.” ~The Exorcist (1973)

word count:

masterlist

its been several months since it happened, since you & your fiance found yourselves not where you had been but found yourselves in a most terrifying paradox... 

but thats way past where i want to start my story, let me take you back to the day it all happened... warning what i am about to tell you may be something that most people would find most horrific and completely bizarre...

Jensen & you for like 3 months now had been going through the motions of being a newly engaged couple... Planning the wedding was slow, steady and stressful.

Jensen is the love of your life, you believe that everything happens & everyone comes into your life for a reason. 

Jensen: “babe i think you would look good in any sort of honeymoon attire...”

Jensen said as he came up behind you wrapping his arms around your shoulders placing chaste kisses along your neckline as you browsed some lingerie for your honeymoon...

Y/N: “well i dont think any of this is gonna get any of the big wedding details done. dont worry about what i’m going to wear on our honeymoon love... lets worry about how big of a reception hall we will need...”

so far the plans for your wedding consisted of little to no ideas except on the theme you guys wanted...

Theme: Superhero (based off of the Batman & Catwoman wedding)

you and Jensen throughout your relationship had decided that you guys were like Batman & Catwoman. one of the features of your wedding included a creepy church, similar to the one in Gotham City.

this week you guys decided to check out a few candidates for churches, you guys wanted something creepy yet do-able to fit the entire bat & cat scenario.

Jensen: “babe are we really sure that this Bat & cat scenario is gonna work?”

Y/N: “i am confident that this is going to work, besides we can’t always count on everyone else to plan everything for us... besides this first place is supposedly haunted which sounds gotham-esc.”

Jensen: “babe you’re terrified of anything haunted. are you sure a haunted church is where we want to get married?”

Jensen knew you all too well, he was right, you got scared way way too easily.

Y/N: “Jensen you’re right this is gonna terrify me to shit, but as long as your there i feel safe. now lets go and see what we can do about finding our wedding ceremony venue.”

Jensen looks at the road and notices a thick cloud of fog rolling in.

Jensen: “babe does something feel off to you? like did it just get really foggy?”

You look up from your book of ideas and notice the road becomming really foggy.

Y/n: “yeah it did umm.. lets throw on the GPS, get to the venue and find a hotel..”

after an hour of following the GPS you guys arrived at the venue, from the looks of the outsie it looks very promising.

Jensen: “this almost looks like the real deal, almost like an exact replica of the gotham cathedral.”

thats of course when the fog cleared, revealing you guys to actually be in Gotham City. thats when you guys enter’d the cathedral grounds, confused beyond belief by the sudden change in your surroundings but there was trouble that would soon befall you.

for stepping into the church, both of your appearances shifted almost immediately. almost like you were in a really messed up movie or something.

Jensen: “this is so stupid what the hell happened? how the hell did we get here?”

Y/N: “trust me babe i’m just as confused as you right now... but it loooks like we have our roles to play.”

you & Jensen now fully examining your wardrobe understood, you guys were stuck in Gotham City but looking like Selina Kyle & Bruce Wayne. the scariest moments in life are watching your first horror movie or being in the hospital with a loved one whose dying. but being trapped in a city where lunatics run free and looking more like batman and catwoman take the cake.

Y/N: “Babe i recognize this, usually for things that are unusual i was gonna do everything possible to get this venue but it will be alot worse if this is what we are gonna be. Jay we need to do something, we need to hide Gotham’s 5 hours of terror act is about to begin.”

ah yes the 5 hours of terror, Gotham implemented an act or a lay a while after both Arkham asylum & arkham ciy failed to contain all the crime. the GCPD implemented together with the judges panel at the courthouse came up with the idea to allow 5 hours where crime is completely legal between the hours of midnight and 5am.

Right now in Gotham or wherever the hell you were it was 11:56pm... when you and Jensen left the car it was barely 6pm.

Jensen: “trust me babe if something is gonna go...”

at that moment an alarm sounded, which was immediately followed by a bunch of sounds  filling the air, you & Jensen left the car locking it running into the church.

Jensen: “babe, i love the venue if we ever make it back to our reality, we are so picking this venue! now, you had said that the church was supposedly haunted...”

it was time for you to give your fiance the history lesson of a lifetime, its not everyday you get to explain something rarely known to anyone!

Y/N: “this church was built in 1790 by the Pseudo-Immortal Mister whisper, who designed the place using Gothic architecture to imbue it with magical properties, so it could trap massive amounts of souls. his plan was to release a deadly plague through the cathedral’s glass that would contaminate and kill most of Gotham’s population, but he had to wait hundreds of years to accomplish this... when the time came Mr. Whisper was stopped by Batman & the plague was removed from the cathedral by the GCPD... it has also been the sight of several demonic entities and of course suicides...”

Jensen now very impressed with your knowledge started to take a walk through the cathedral. you spun round in the center of the cathedral.

Y/N: “its so pretty here, this building is amazing, despite its unruly original purpose. this architecture is incredible! Jay, i want this to be where we say our vows... but the first hour barely started its gonna be a long night.”

Jensen: “well lets get settled...”

as soon as you guys got settled, a bunch of low intense growls could be heard surrounding you both on all sides. turning around both of you saw that you were surrounded by all the horrible main badies from every part of gothams horrific past.

Y/N: “uh, Jensen, we may want to leave now...”

Jensen: “Y/N, look at your belt!”

you look down and see a whip along with several other things...

Jensen: “maybe that will be useful..”

you pulled out the whip & felt yourself becoming very familiar with it, almost like you had used it before. you struck it against the ground in cross strikes, making everyone back away...

Scarecrow: “dont think that this little whip excuses you from anything, Selina, kill the bat...”

you knew what to say, but you had to make sure Jensen knew there was no disrespect & that this wasn’t real...

Y/N: “now now crane, we don’t need to do anything hostile after all i wasnt the one who used your fear gas the wrong way... isnt that right Dent.?.”

Two-face: “thats it pretty kitty, your gonna die, i’m not even gonna consult my coin...”

Scarecrow: “dent, is what the kitty says true?”

Two-face: “yeah its true but i didnt do it alone.”

Scarecrow: “well it seems that we are at an impass...”

Y/N: “i have an idea, you deal with these infidels and i can leave with the bat in peace...”

Scarecrow just looked at you, you were scared but you were prepared, you also were putting on a brave face. It was hard to be brave when up against some of Gotham’s most formidible foes.

Scarecrow: “you know Kitty, your love for the bat is a little concerning and on tonight of all nights you choose to align yourself with this bat over your own kind...”

you laugh & begin to feel your inner feline when you realize that playing the role of your character may help you to survive. with a purr you back right up and end up against Jensen.

Y/N: “crane darling look. we all know that you are just a paranoid psycho but if you have any sort of humanity left know this. i aligned myself with the bat cause we are in love...”

Jensen now understood what you were doing why you said what you did and after everything that happened it was clear that you were still you...

Jensen: “Selina has a point, we are in love in fact we would like for you guys to leave so we can continue our romantic evening...”

Two-face: “i dont think scarecrow would allow that... then again he has always been clueless... aint that right kitty...”

now with Two-face looking at you violently, you began to wonder what he was reffering to then like a ton of bricks it hit you...

Scarecrow: “what is he referring to kitty?”

Y/N: “he is referring to how i have helped batman put some of you in the past... but i didnt say anything to save my own hide. i said what i did, i technically lied to save the bat... i lied to save him cause like me he roams alone searching for our next prey or you know happiness but our cause has always been the same.”

at that moment scarecrow released his fear gas on you. your worst fears were realized all over again... but at the same time as the fear gas hit you a demon possessed you...

it was only Jensen who seemed to really notice the difference, who seemed to realize that you were not you...

Jensen (through his hands over his nose/mouth): “what did you spray her with? was that black stuff part of it?”

Scarecrow: “what are you talking about? bats, i would answer fast if i were you.”

Jensen took 1 very strong look at you as scarecrow was generous enough to hand him a gas mask so Jensen could breathe.

(*yes i know this story doesnt make much sense right now, but it will soon in one way or another all the pieces will fall together 1 by 1...*)

Jensen (through gas mask): “there are rumors of this church being haunted is that true...”

Scarecrow: “of course its haunted, but that doesnt mean... wait, you said black stuff right...”

Jensen (thru gas mask): “Yeah, why?”

Scarecrow gestures to Dent who approaches Jensen with a glower to his face.

Two-face: “come with me bats..”

Jensen (through gas mask): “crane watch her like a hawk...”

Jensen followed Dent to the security room, where he then was able to see what happened all but 5 minutes ago...

Jensen: “okay theres the fear gas, and theres a black smoke. its real, its all real...”

Two-face: “what the hell is with that black smoke bats...”

Jensen: “thats what i’ve been trying to tell you... Selina is not only in danger of the fear gas but also from a demon possessing her... Dent as a favor for an old friend can you get crane to lead everyone out of here so i can expel this demon?”

Dent: “okay bruce i’ll do it but on 1 conditon...”

Jensen: “whats that?”

Dent: “put me back in prison far away from crane and his band of bad guys...”

Jensen: “fair enough but why do you want to be away from them?”

Dent: “cause crane wronged me... and he wants to kill me... crane said he was going to tear me in 2 if my “coin” ever got out of line again.”

Jensen: “fair enough but promise me you will try to turn over a new leaf old friend...”

Dent: “will do old friend...”

Jensen & Dent now walk out of the security room & back to the others... you or rather your body had now become very very flexible as Crane was trying to get you off the wall...

Crane: “okay she is seriously messed up...”

Dent: “crane we need to get out of here, on to the next location while the night is still young.”

Crane: “your right dent, it seems we are at an impass bats... tell you what we will go and let you deal with the cat, but know this: on the day you marry dont expect any mercy from us for that day will bring your death.”

Crane & everyone else left, Dent followed last leaving a note with his location on it with Jensen as per to their arrangement... Jensens eyes kept tracking your very fast movements as he  looked for something that he could possibly do to save your life.

thats when he saw it, laying on the ground, your whip it must have fallen from your grasp when you were hit with the fear gas and a demon.

Jensen: “baby, i’m so sorry about this...”

Jensen ran at it sliding as he picked i up. he began looking around the interior of the church till he spotted it, the holy water. (this next bit is not entirely thought out i just hope it works...)

Jensen: “hey demonic bitch, your possessing my fiance & THATS NOT OKAY WITH ME... now with every last breath in me i’ll save her. now prepare to fry bitch...”

Demon(in your body): “always the hero, never the villan, i’ll make your fiance tear your body to shreds, you know she’s awake in here she’s screaming for you to save her. she’s also very scared. if your thinking about going for that holy water, dont cause i’m not done playing with yoou yet...”

before she said her last word, Jensen was already on his way to the basin of holy water with your whip. Jensen tossed the whip in the basin to let it saturate the whip.

Demon (in your body): “you son of a bitch that is gonna cost you your life.”

Jensen: “not in my fiance’s body it wont... cause your not gonna be round much longer...”

as you got closer, Jensen timed it out so he would pull out the whip just as you got to him.

Jensen: “taste this you demonic bitch.”

Jensen pulled out the whip covered in holy water & flung it at your lunging form making sure that you were done up in the whip covered in holy water.

Jensen: “babe if you can hear me through that demon, fight it, i cant loose the only girl ive ever loved to some lousy demon. come back to me & forgive me for this babe.”

Jensen took your form and slammed you to the ground taking the rest of the whip and wrapping it round your neck forcing your body to look at him.

Jensen: “exorciamous te, omnis imundus spiritus, omnis satanica potestas, omnis incursio infernalis asversarii, omnis congregato insecta diabolica, ergo draco malidicte, eclesia secura tuam facias libertate, te regamus, audios bitch...”

at that moment the demon left your body, you were now unconcious, which made Jensen not only release the whip from your neck, but also made him kneel beside your body.

Jensen: “babe, babe, come on wake up please, baby please... i love you...”

Jensen at that moment kissed you & thats when both of you woke up with a jolt in the car on the side of the road.

Jensen: “did you also...”

Y/N: “dream that i was possessed by a demon and you choked me with catwoman’s whip covered in holy water and somehow we ended up in Gotham city and say scarecrow and others... yes i did but how...”

Jensen shrugs his shoulders...

Jensen: “what an excellent day for an exorcism, hey babe?”

you didnt answer but your head spun round in a 180... this sight scared the living hell out of Jensen.

Jensen: “not again, we are going free you from this demon forever babe i promise...”

driving as fast as Jensen could he got the rest of the way to the church parking lot, where your body in response gave a low hiss, causing Jensen to open his door and get out of the car.

Y/N (possessed): “please dont pretend like im still your fiance sugar. you know she’s screaming in here for you right. she wants you to save her. but i’m not gonna let you...”

Jensen: “i’m addressing the entity in my fiance who the hell are you & why are you in my fiance?”

Y/N (possessed): “my name is not important, but my boss has plans for your wife’s body... he plans on breeding her body to make a million more of me...”

Jensen: “your boss is a sick psychotic bastard and he can leave his dick in his own ass... now follow me if you want to kill me...”

Jensen ran into the church where it became reality that you would soon follow.

Jensen: “excuse me priest but i have a situation.. my fiance is possessed by a demon and i need help... do you guys have chains or something that i can use to save her...”

Priest: “well we did find something in the center of the church the other day... maybe you can use it to save your beloved...”

Jensen watches as the priest goes around the corner and comes back out with the whip, the one from the dream... The priest’s yes widen as your possessed form comes bounding through the doors of the church... Jensen reaches his hands out as the priest tosses the whip to Jensen. 

Jensen: “can you bless this baptismal pool so i can save my fiance...”

The priest nods knowing what Jensen was going through and the terrified look on his face the priest knew that only love could bring about the clensing that is needed to save the fiance of this young man.

Priest: “of course try to lure her over here...”

the face that the priest was blessing the pool and believed Jensen in the first place was a miracle. Jensen stood right at the alter blocking the priest and what he was doing. making sure he had the whip hidden your body started to run up the aisle.

Demon: “im gonna skin you alive...”

Jensen: “not once im through with you...”

thats when the plan took place the priest took a 2 second leave of absense to hide nearby so Jensen could use the whip to trip your body into the pool... the demon possessing you shrieked  as it hit the water, Jensen jumped it after your form, the priest came back out using his latin he sanctified the water and the area surrounding it to help expel the demon from your body.

Jensen: “Priest you may want to look away now, cause what i need to do is not gonna be pretty.”

Priest: “do what you need to do its to save the one you love God isnt going to discriminate for this action...”

Jensen nods and unleashes the whip around your neck, your body once more shrieked... Jensen pulled your body down into the water and started the exorcism stage again.

Jensen: “baby im gonna save you, may God have mercy on my soul for drowning the possessing demon from my fiance. exorciamous te, omnis imundus spiritus, omnis satanica potestas, omnis incursio infernalis asversarii, omnis congregato insecta diabolica, ergo draco malidicte, eclesia secura tuam facias libertate, te regamus, audios bitch...”

after about 4 minutes of Jensen holding your convulging body in the water your form stops moving... Jensen pulls your body out of the water and watches as the priest comes back with a blanket...

Jensen lays your body on the blanket as he carries you out of the water. 

Jensen: “forgive me father for i sinned in your house.”

Priest: “no need to seek forgiveness my child, you were saving the one you love, i appreciate your courage and bravery.”

Jensen smiles lightly as he starts chest compressions on you... after 5 minutes you start choking & coughing up water and your breathing is eratic... but Jensen wraps you in the blanket bringing you into his worried grasp.

Jensen: “thank you priest i cant ever thank you enough...”

Priest: “no need my son thats what im here for... now what had brought you both here in the first place.”

Jensen: “we were searching for our wedding ceremony venue...”

Priest: “i would be honored for you both to use this church as your venue for free... the happiness of having you both married is how you can thank me...”

Jensen: “thank you thats very generous... is there any hotels near by where i can stay at with my love.?.”

Priest: “of course just 3 miles up the road... tell them John sent you...”

Jensen stands up holding you against him...

Jensen: “knowing that the love of my life is alright is good enough for me...”

with you still wrapped in that blanket now craddled in Jensen’s arms Jensen places you in the front seat buckling you in as he shuts your door going and climbing in on his side he dares not mention anything to you.

to this day you know only what you were told by Jensen A.K.A your husband.. yes you got married not but 3 months later... it was a magical time... but what truly happened that day still haunts both you & him.

~in each of us is a darkness, sometimes we can fight it, sometimes we cant... in the end we all have a choice, to keep fighting the darkness, or to let it win...~

[ua-monoma]

[[ hi here’s a text convo me and dani were having during the iimono text convo woohoo feelings ]]

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 4:16 AM

iida's definition of alright is "im not completely hurting to the point where it is hard to do or think abt anything else"

rickyLast Sunday at 4:17 AM

THATS A BAD DEFINITION IIDA

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 4:17 AM

if he can do his duties without being hindered he's "alright"

rickyLast Sunday at 4:18 AM

like tbh monoma's big feels rn are like 

 1) i wanna communicate but it feels like iida doesnt actually communicate with me ever 

2) i wanna be honest but it feels like iida isnt being honest with me 

3) i've been opening up a lot which im! proud of!! i can face my emotions now! but iida isnt facing HIS emotions with me and i thought uHh being a couple means we do that together so i guess i'll go fuck myselfsdfskhdgbg

but ALSO from an outside perspective iida Does Communicate and Is Honest... way more than monoma perceives it but monoma sucks. at being able to identify it

A L S O he cant stand iida taking care of him so much sfhgbsfbhsg hes starting to feel rly coddled and he Does Not Like It

and thats largely just cuz hes so unstable and feels guilty about it now that hes more aware of it and wants to either just shut down and stop emoting around iida or, like, he wants to get to take care of iida if/when he ever breaks down cuz then it'll be Equals

kdfgdfhbdfgs i just had a hunch and it was right, monoma is actually older than iida sdfbjhgs

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 4:22 AM

WAIT HE IS

HES OLDER,

rickyLast Sunday at 4:27 AM

but yeah i think the other thing is that monoma wants stuff from iida but like has not been able to rly voice it (i feel like this is the first time he has ever talked like This Much about emotional bullshit) but also TBH he feels brushed aside every time iida gives him one of his lil speeches

cuz he doesnt respond very well to positivity and also will just latch onto the negative aspects

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 4:30 AM

WOW then u have iida whos just like "dude im not a fuckign mind reader tell me what u want"

rickyLast Sunday at 4:30 AM

WHICH I KNOW BUT HE'S WORKING ON IT.....

iida: communicate pls monoma: ok heres a big rambling post about stuff i feel iida: ok thats nice. can you communicate with me pls tho monoma: I JUST DID HSDFKGGBDFSG I'LL JUST GO FUCK MYSELF THEN I GUESS--

^ is how he feels

also hes scared of the Boyfriend Conversation

which i think i've told you before, hes scared cuz of the sex addiction thing but also,

ppl keep coercing him to sex and he doesnt wanna date iida and then be coerced into Officially Cheating,,, pseudo cheating isnt acceptable either but at least like,,, hes Technically not betraying him,

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 4:36 AM

THE RAMBLING THING isnt clear to iida bc its like yes that is how he feels but he is not telling me What He Wants From Me

rickyLast Sunday at 4:37 AM

YEAH thats what i noticed today +_+!!!

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 4:38 AM

its like monoma is offering his stance but not a solution or a compromise

rickyLast Sunday at 4:38 AM

monoma doesnt rly know that's what he's supposed to do hjbsjfsg

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 4:38 AM

does iida have to spell it out

rickyLast Sunday at 4:38 AM

y es

like, the last thing iida said kind of made monoma be like

wait lemme look at it again

ok he said he wanted to know the reasons behind his actions and monoma was like,,,,wha--

cuz... 1) theres like never actually a reason and 2) he didnt know iida wanted that from him

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 4:40 AM

H

rickyLast Sunday at 4:40 AM

like monoma barely even recognizes half his actions cuz theyre all based on impulses and tbh if nobody pointed them out he'll just move on like nothing's happened

like he compartmentalizes,,, s o much,,,,,, and then represses it like instantly like TBH

like barely anyone talks about monoma's growing alcoholism so he just keeps doing that, and no one has had the chance to tell him to stop communicating with villains so he kept doing that too but like. Because it wasnt pointed out he barely has a problem with it and can function fine

everyone harps on him for the sex stuff tho so he's just like Drowning In Guilt

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 4:44 AM

is there literally-- any way iida can actually help him because, i just , wow

rickyLast Sunday at 4:44 AM

sfjgkdfg 

iida: here's a list of questions to communicate with, pls answer monoma: dissociates instantly 

whOH YEAH DEFINITELYi know that sounds all depressing sjhsdfghthe fix is honestly super easy tbh

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 4:45 AM

HE ASKED TWO WHOLE QUESTIO-jvhcfdjsjcxsdjhds

god im glad there is indeed a fix

rickyLast Sunday at 4:45 AM

I WAS TYPING UP MORE META I HAVENT GOTTEN TO IT YET

monoma's problem is literally just that he doesnt have the vocabulary for, like, anything

what he wants is an open relationship but he doesnt know what that is and TO BE QUITE FRANK his only knowledge of one is fucking sen and kosei

so like, he's only hesitating so much cuz he doesnt know how to voice what he wants cuz Tbh monoma hates not sounding smart and being emotive means bumbling around like an idiot

he still feels brushed off tho,

iida bls be sad around him more

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:02 AM

IIDA DOESNT LIKE BEING SAD

its weird for him

he always like

how do i put this

he takes his sadness, pisses on it, and sets it on fire

rickyLast Sunday at 5:02 AM

oh God i just realized iida is doing the same thing the guy i was gay for did FUCKMeJFBJHFBGDG

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:03 AM

oh he pissed on his  sadness too? worm

rickyLast Sunday at 5:03 AM

he did the 'im alright is actually crashing and burning in super slow motion for months at a time' thing

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:03 AM

iida is hollow more often than he is sad

1JDCKCDSNHSDSNDSCJ

rickyLast Sunday at 5:05 AM

meanwhile i had the loudly has breakdowns and then gets upset about being taken care of despite him insisting because of his Fetish for taking care of people thing

me: glares at iidas Fetish

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:06 AM

ok this is more of a hc but

iida likes taking care of ppl bc his parents rarely took care of him uwus

o hes like

rickyLast Sunday at 5:07 AM

CRIES

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:07 AM

being the Dad and Mom he never had

rickyLast Sunday at 5:07 AM

waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

see that Sucks cuz my hc is that monoma was raised to be as self sufficient as possible as Fast as possible which meant wow we aint got time for emotions fam just Put Them In A Box

oh is the box overflowing, put the BOX in a BIGGER BOX

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:08 AM

emotionally stunted boys sure are great

rickyLast Sunday at 5:08 AM

i k r

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:08 AM

only in theory tho,

rickyLast Sunday at 5:08 AM

LOL

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:08 AM

irl i wouldve just

choked them

rickyLast Sunday at 5:09 AM

sobs angrily about iida

share your emotions biiiiiiitchhhh

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:09 AM

hits the back of monoma's head

rickyLast Sunday at 5:09 AM

hEY

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:09 AM

just tell him what u want u stupid fuckJCDFJDSSD

rickyLast Sunday at 5:09 AM

HE WANTS YOU TO SHARE HIS EMOTIONS HSFBGJHFGS HE SAID THAT!!!!AND IIDA WAS LIKE, NAH

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:10 AM

IIDA ISNT RLLY THAT SURE OF HIS EMOTIONS EITHER THATS WHY!!!

HE THINKS HES THIS BUT HES ACTUALLY SOMETHING ELSE

rickyLast Sunday at 5:10 AM

THATS MONOMAS PROBLEM TOO YOU BUTT DFHBSDFGJGSG

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:10 AM

FUCK

rickyLast Sunday at 5:11 AM

OHMY

GODSTRANGLES THEM BOTH

IIMONO: FEELINGS?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!???????

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:11 AM

w iida its more like. he knows deep down but he doesnt , think , its important enough , to be addressed

rickyLast Sunday at 5:11 AM

i i d a b l s

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:11 AM

"as class rep i must be a leader before anything else!!!!!"

rickyLast Sunday at 5:12 AM

monoma is honestly like 'iida help this is the very first time in my life i have felt Guilt what am i supposed to do with this!!!!!!

iida: whats wrong monoma: IM SAD????  WHY DIDNT ANYONE EVER TELL ME WHAT A CONSEQUENCE WAS iida: ,

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:14 AM

JXVCDJXCDSAHJSDSDJ

rickyLast Sunday at 5:15 AM

and t b h he kind of is like, automatically expecting like... a Reward for getting this far but iida just kind of keeps being like 'okay cool. and what else'

and monoma is like HJSFBKHBFGS THAT TOOK ME 3 WEEKS TO FIGURE OUT B L S

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:28 AM

fuckcdncnddxjsn

rickyLast Sunday at 5:28 AM

,,,, in person or continue the text

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:29 AM

CCCCONTINUE...they rarely text god pls

rickyLast Sunday at 5:30 AM

TBH YEAH...

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:30 AM

iida has no Time for his phone he needs to read 30 chapters ahead so he doesnt fall behind!!!

rickyLast Sunday at 5:30 AM

monoma is Traumatized by all their other text convos so he doesnt--

im including the times when i post this btw because God Damn i love that its likefucking 5am over here

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:31 AM

GO TO BED?

rickyLast Sunday at 5:31 AM

this is 500% a 'im sad texting my bitchass pseudo bae about my feelings at fucking sunrise after they kept me up crying all night' conversation

whats a bed