#its 2am and im not sure what else to add but

[silverpsychedelic]

An OG fanmaren I've had who is getting is much needed update, this is TWiLiGHT (I've been meaning to change his name for years but I still haven't found anything that sticks)

TWiLiGHT was created in an attempt to replace NiGHTS, and seemed to be a worthy candidate due to housing massively powerful flame abilities which he could channel with (somewhat) ease. However, due to being rather clumsy, and having a similar affinity for kindness to humans that NiGHTS had, Wizeman was very quick to grow wary of the new first class. He didn't really stand a chance against Wizeman's impossibly high standards, and was ultimately deemed a failed creation. After a particularly nasty situation involving another Nightmaren that led to a large chunk of Nightmare's castle being destroyed, TWiLiGHT was 'scrapped' and his ideya/soul was locked away by Wizeman, where it remained for a very long time.

I adore the design of Mecha NiGHTS (unused mechanic found via datamining of NiD) and so I decided to make my own bootleg version of it 😂 I will try and draw the whole suit at some point

Twi's abilities can be handled fine enough on their own, and most of the time he wouldn't rely on them unless absolutely necessary. But, Wizeman likes flaunting his firepower, and so a specialized suit was designed for him and rigorously tested by TWiLiGHT through more and more brutal means. Eventually he developed a technique that saw him utilize his pyrokinesis and speed in a way that could be as devastating as a meteor strike.

As you can see, he does go through a massive change from when he was first created, to when he was resurrected along with a bunch of other imprisoned souls in order to help usurp Wizeman once and for all.

[reductionisms]

okay hi. how are you! you mightve noticed me liking and reblogging millions of your gintama posts. to which i say... teehee gomen? ;^__^ just wanted yo say i love the way your analysis and also the gintama math posts?!!!??!!! not saying im getting everything because im not (<- studied math for 3 years but not in english so i dont understand some of it) but yeah its was a nice approach. and im saving them to read later again when its not 2am

now for the ASK: have you thought about making a pinned post of all your analysis/the gintama math series? i would love to have them in one place

and the second ask: i noticed you and another blog (joleetwo i think?)(im planning on stalking all their gintama posts too. when it's not 2am) talking about gintoki = shouyo. would you explain it a bit? or if you already have, can you send the link?

THANK YOU!!!

hi!

tyyy, you flatter me too much... tbf even though i study math im pretty bad at it so i dont get everything either& half of what i write is abuse of notation lol

as for mathematics posting, unfortunately ive been sick on and off for the last 3 months and also very busy, so i didnt get to continue the tama series (im hoping to add it eventually, but right now its just the first installment). my other misc gintamaposting, including math posting (everything is math posting to me even if it isnt), is under “goose tag” in my archive if youd like to check it out. there’s also this compendium* i made of things i think are gintama math posting from other gintama mathematicians i love and admire. (*from early 24 so not updated since then- so not comprehensive)

as for shouyou=gintoki, i havent written on this specifically since it’s just something i carry with me always… in the first, in 519-20 when takasugi sees shouyou in his eye, in the next panel he sees gintoki in that exact position. to me, the first time i watched that, it just sort of clicked.

philosophically, gintama has this theme of what makes someone human. i feel like humanity here must be given to you by someone else (you have to be Named by them)— and it sort of aligns with the passing of promises (4devas, coan flashback)— that is, the passing of someone’s will. jirocho promises otose’s husband to protect kabukicho, which is otose’s husband’s will, and then gintoki promises jirocho to do the same, etc. similarly, gintoki upholds shouyou’s promise to protect their friends— which i am inclined to think is at least partially constitutive of shouyou’s person. that is, shouyou strove against utsuro to love and protect humans, which is what differentiated him from utsuro and eventually made him human (through gintoki, who makes him human). so gintoki receives shouyou’s promise, which is shouyou’s self (“a samurai is one who disciplines their weaker self”—follows this promise—self tied to promise), and on the cliff he acts it out. ie, by participating in shouyou’s will gintoki becomes shouyou. as do many people in gintama. and none at all. anyways unfortunately im sick and low energy so this is a bad explanation but hopefully that makes sense? Im sure joelle has written on this as well, as a heads up id just check with him to make sure he’s okay with spam notifs before going through his blog.

ty for the mathematics love since i love mathematics posting, & have a wonderful day!

[sillybloodyr4t]

hi yes hello I am back from the pits of hell

gonna yap a bit since I feel like yall might like to know where I've been

short explanation: at my aunts house and she wouldn't let me get on my laptop bc I was up at 2am on it and also I fucking hate it here

So erm. My aunt got upset with me bc I was up at 2am on my laptop. It was understandable I guess, but everyone usually goes to bed at midnight like what-

The next morning she told me to get off it, but then said "You know what? Let me see something real quick 😊😊😊" ...what kind of teenager who spends a shit ton of time on devices wouldn't be freaked out by that?? So I was like Ok... what do you want to see...

This BITCH. OH MY GOD. She kept gatekeeping what she was going to do, so OF FUCKING COURSE I was scared. I kept asking what she wanted to do with my laptop bc I kind of have trust issues with my devices (I dont trust people with my devices bc there is a high chance theyre going to see something and think its weird or whatever), and when I said that I had trust issues with this kind of thing she got OFFENDED because I didn't trust my 'dear aunt' who totally wouldn't take a look at just my pfp and ask me a million god damn questions. If she found out about this place she'd be 'concernend' and whatnot (She has a 'problem' with the LGBTQ+ pretty much).

She then said that the way I was acting was like someone who has an ADDICTION. She then ranted and shit about how heartbroken she was that I didn't trust her enough to randomly take my laptop and do whatever the hell she wanted with it. She said she "was just going to look at the clock." Yk she sure as hell wasn't acting like that was what she was going to do.

Not only did she do that shit, she's been making me stress the fuck out about school next year.

Basically, she's been saying "if you dont change this you're going to get bullied". I already know that I'm an ugly and wretched little human. MUST you rub it in??

She has also been commenting that the shit I wear AND WORE FOR A GOOD PORTION OF LAST YEAR made me look like a lesbian. This is the same woman who said an outfit I picked out for a dance made me look like an 'adult lesbian'. She has also said that "Lesbians don't like it when you dress like them, They will make you cry" BITCHHHHH DO YOU EVEN KNOW ANY LESBIANS??? TF??

ANDDD She even said at one point that I need to 'tone down my stomach'. EXCUSE ME?? I have woken up several times feeling nauseous because I haven't been eating breakfast. I HARDLY EVEN EAT BETWEEN MEALS HERE. I am LITERALLY not eating as much as I usually do!! What the fuck do you mean??

This isn't even the first time she's basically body shamed me.

My cousin did say that my aunt believes that all girls in high school need to be skinny because my cousin didn't really eat much and had some health issues when she was in high school. (she's a college graduate btw).

Might add more to this if I can remember what else she did so far bc Im lowkey lazy and I dont want to yap anymore

[wh6res]

hey love! im so happy requests are finally opened! i really love your writing and when i saw requests were opened, my heart jumped hehe, but may I please request aggressive 11, and 14 with xiaojun? thank you so much!!🥺❤️❤️

frat boys | xiaojun

synopsis. you never should've came to yangyang's party.

warnings. dubcon, betrayal

note. thank you my dear for loving my writing uwu

you’ve never been to a frat party. it was never your thing and no matter how tempting your bestfriend makes it sound, you swore to yourself to never indulge in such matters. but for someone so smart, it was rather stupid of you to think you’ll never attend a frat party when, first and foremost, your own bestfriend’s a member of a frat.

and unfortunately for you, he just had to celebrate his 22nd in his fraternity’s house. you felt annoyed that yangyang forego the usual arrangements where it’ll just be him, you, cupcakes, and beer when the clock strikes 12 o’clock. but it all changed this year when he said—”you don’t even need to give me a gift, sunshine! just… please attend the party? think of it as your gift to me? don’t worry i’ll be looking out for you and you can leave as soon as you feel uncomfy!”

you don’t expect him to stand by his word because this is yangyang we’re talking about. he’s a lightweight and you know he’d be shitfaced drunk halfway through the party because that’s just how he is. yangyang is the star of the night, the birthday boy, of course he’ll drink whatever alcohol his friends offer him. 

it’s been hours already since you’d last seen the boy, right after he put a show of chugging down one whole bottle of gin on top of a table and lucas having to catch yangyang’s swaying body toppling over the surface so he won’t wake up with a fractured arm the next day. 

2am. you’ll go home at 2am. 

so you simply wait another hour by the kitchen (its more quiet there) playing mario kart on your phone while chugging down some orange juice you found in the fridge. hopefully the host doesn’t mind, after all, you highly doubt they’d care for a bottle of orange juice when they have a plethora of alcoholic drinks sitting in ice coolers. 

“really? you’re drinking that in a frat party?”

the voice makes you look up just as you threw your head back to finish the remaining of the juice inside the plastic bottle. you raise an eyebrow when you see one of yangyang’s… frat mate? bestfriend? peer? you don’t know. but one thing’s for sure, he’s definitely a part of the friend group your bestfriend’s in—meaning, he’s a frat boy. 

and there’s only one frat boy you don’t hate and that’s yangyang—then again, it can be debatable sometimes. 

“so?” you reply sharply, not bothering to hide your annoyance of your peace being interrupted. you hear him stalking closer to you before placing something on the counter, next to your thighs. in the corner of your eyes, you see it's a drink—beer, most probably. 

you sneer, not bothering to look at him. “ah, no thank you. i don’t drink alcohol, especially not from strangers.”

“xiaojun, third year, majoring in film making, and thinks you’re kinda cute. there, i don’t think i’m a stranger anymore?”

you can practically hear the grin in his voice, as if his quirky little antics is going to take its effect on you like all the other girls he probably had tried it with. unfortunately for him, you’re far from easy and it’s 2am already. wordlessly, without another glance towards his direction, you tried walking out of the kitchen, wanting to see yangyang one last time before bolting out the door. 

keyword: tried. 

“so, where are you going?” xiaojun pesters. shadowing your footsteps as you aimlessly walk around the house, looking for the birthday boy. for such an ungodly hour, the party seems to be going on full swing and it probably won’t simmer down until after a couple more hours. 

perfect. you arrived unnoticed, and you will leave unnoticed. 

“oh!” you forget xiaojun is still towing behind you. “are you looking for yangyang? i know where he is!”

you force out a laugh, spinning around to face him. “i know what you’re doing. you’re trying to get me alone, aren’t you? do i fucking look easy to you?”

he seems genuinely surprised of your outburst. “woah, chill. he’s upstairs, babe. last door on the left side. we all know that boy’s a lightweight, so xuxi and the rest of the guys have dropped him there to sober him up.”

“i’m not buying it.”

“fine!” he throws his arm up in mock surrender. “i won’t follow you upstairs if that calms your nerves. your welcome, see you around—or whatever…”

you can’t help but scoff at his attitude. you never asked him to follow you around nor did you even ask for his help in finding liu yangyang but before you can say anything else, xiaojun has already stormed away, disappearing into the throng of people in the living room turned dance floor. you huffed, hiking your bag strap higher up your shoulders before marching up the stairs. 

it’s a lot quieter here compared to the party going on downstairs. the music significantly gets muted the further down you walk in the hallway, towards yangyang’s room. keeping in mind what xiaojun said about how they like throwing their friend in here to sober him up, you decided to skip knocking, barging into the room with a grin on your face. 

“hey, lightweight! i’m going… home?”

the room’s empty.

“i can’t believe you actually fell for it.”

you hardly had any time to turn around when you felt his hands pushing you further into the room, a resounding click of the lock can be heard as you try to pick yourself up from the cold tiled floor but it was no use when you felt a heel of a boot against your lower back, forcing you back to the ground. tears starts pricking your eyes but you try everything in your power to not let them fall. no. he can’t have that satisfaction. 

“it was really stupid of you, not gonna lie. but who cares, i get the girl i’ve been eyeing!”

you grunt aloud in frustration as you try squirming out of from under him but the pain of his boot’s heel digging into your flesh made you unconsciously cry out. why is this happening? why did it even have to happen to you?

in a span of seconds he had lifted you off the floor and has unceremoniously tossed you on the mattress, the blankets ruffling underneath your body. you tried crawling off but he was quick, wrapping a firm hand around your ankle before pulling you back to where he wanted you to be. 

“please!” you can’t believe you had resulted to begging but everything is bound to get blurry when the reality of the situation starts setting in and the fear overrules any type of dignity. “if you—if you let me go now, i won’t tell anybody not even yangyang, i swear! just—please—”

“oh, didn’t you know?” xiaojun just finds this way too fun. “yangyang made you come tonight, didn’t he? practically forced you to even when he knew you didn’t like parties?”

as he spoke, you tried sneakily wriggling out from under him until you stop dead in your tracks when his hands dart forward to wrap around your neck. xiaojun sighs as if he’s bored. but when you dare look straight at him, the excited glint in his eyes are unmistakable. 

when he leans down to whisper in your ear…

“i was the one who told yangyang to invite you.”

and then you screamed, trying to push him away with vigor because no your best friend would never sell you out like that. “you’re lying!” you sob. “yangyang would… he’d never do that to me! you’re lying!”

xiaojun rolls his eyes as he ducks down to attack your neck. the first you feel are his soft lips against the skin of your neck, then his hot tongue licking a stripe from your collarbone to the back of your ear before digging his teeth into your skin. you grunt aloud in pain. 

he clicks his tongue, glaring down at your messed up state. “if you’d stop making so much noise, i might not have to be so rough.”

you don’t know why, but his words make you cry harder, it’s as if he’s implying that all this shit you’re going through because of him is your own fault. and by the time he’s done marking your neck, you realize in horror—when xiaojun said ‘rough’ he had truly meant rough. 

a lone tear escapes your eye as you pull your shirt up higher to cover your neck, ignoring the feeling of his ministrations and feather-like touches against the insides of your thigh. but when he sees what you’re doing, xiaojun starts digging his nails into your flesh as a warning. 

“don’t cover my bite marks. if you do, i might have to add something more obvious.”

[crescentsteel]

hi hi hello! i just read ch15 of keeping a secret and i wanted to talk about the ending (and a couple more thingies) if you dont mind !!(also please excuse my grammatical errors, i wrote this at 2am and i was kind of tired)

You two haven’t started anything yet but he can already feel how badly stuck he is in the quicksand of loving you. He will have to actively compose himself so his gaze doesn’t linger, so he doesn’t crave to touch you. He will have to stop himself from saying something that will earn him one of your wisecracks and cheeky smile that he accidentally fell in love with. Why do you have to be so annoying and charming? He’ll be able to handle annoying … No, not really. But he would very much prefer to be annoyed than enamored with someone he cannot have.

i was internally SCREAMING WHILE READING THIS! it was just so good and i feel like the characterisation here is just so on point. this idk it just feels so real and my heart hurts because "he would very much prefer to be annoyed than enamored with 💔someone💔he💔cannot💔 have💔"

okay but to be fair i feel kind of bad for tsukishima. i mean he was being a dick in the earlier chapters but grrrr idk. maybe its me being biased by him being my fav character or just because i (sort of) understand his position and why he acted the way he did (although i still feel like he might have overreacted a bit but that's only because he kind of panicked when y/n told him that she loved him).

He’s never told you before, but he loves you. He’s been sure of it since that night at your doorway where he officially asked you to be his girlfriend. He’s been reserved about it because he wants it to come from you first. As cowardly as that seems, he thinks that that would be best for you.

shut up shut up shut up! that's so cute :(( the fact that kuroo realised he loved y/n the night they got together is just aghhhh i cant even express the emotions im feeling rn! and him not wanting to be the one to say it first because he thinks that she is not ready to hear it just yet is just :((

If it was all up to him, the relationship would’ve moved faster. He’d be asking you to move in already. He is that serious about you. You two are adults with crazy hectic schedules. Living together will make things hella easier. Although he enjoys picking you up from work and taking you to your apartment occasionally, he’d very much prefer if you go home to him every night.

speechless. punching the air. hugging my knees. crying a river. drenching my pillows rn.

he’s so cute i wanna throw a brick at him. I’ve probably had a sappy smile on my face but that’s okay bc this is just so sweet and heartwarming literally shutup. the fact that he doenst want to rush things for her and respects her boundaries and such EVEN THOUGH he wants to get to 'the next level' does things to me.

He doesn’t know if you realize how successful you are with the program because your tiny milestones are initiated to be celebrated by him, not you.

stop this madness. this almost made me tear up and dont ask me why,, i have literally no idea. this is so sickeningly cute i just pictured him celebrating y/n's tiny milestones with her and grrrr >:(

when will it be my turn huh🤨? when🤨?

And until you’ve figured out what you really want, he’ll wait. He won’t add this relationship on your to-do list by telling you his feelings and desire to move in with you because he knows that even though you don’t go home to him, there’s no one else but him.

kuroo tetsurou kiss me challenge. he is so cute i want to hug him and stroke his hair and kiss his forehead and bake him a cake and- sigh :( ~~~~~~ i loved this chapter so much!! but i chose to talk about these paragraphs because i didnt want to ramble a lot or make you read a whole essay on an anonymous ask so yeah. anyway what i wanted to say is that,, i feel really bad for tsukishima because he finally realised his feelings for y/n but the moment he tried to make up with her and maybe try again h found out that she is dating someone else. but honestly?? i REALLYYY dont want kuroo to get hurt and break up with y/n because idk she made up with tsukki and shit because he is such a sweetheart! and hif feeling for her are sincere and genuine and grrrrr >:( it's so complicated all of a sudden :( anyway babe hope youre alright and youre taking good care of yourself! bye bye👋~

I deliberately let this stay in my asks because I loved how long it is! I love it when u guys point out the little thinks you liked because bets believe that each word and phrase is carefully thought out.

ALSO, yes about Tsukishima being panicked that time. I didnt want to spell it out but that's exactly it. His brain just closed and the walls were up all of a sudden hence dick behavior.

But oop, Kuroo is now in the picture and can I just say how much I love writing for him. It just feels natural. Hence, it feels complicated for me too. I immerse myself in my fics and I agree that everythings so complicated hnnn

Take care of yourself too! Hnn. See you next chapter hopefully.

[overheardatthecontinental]

Kinktober Day 1: Monster Fucking

I’m so sorry y’all

She had always been told not to be afraid. There was no moving shadow in her closet and there was no monster under her bed. Monsters weren’t real. She was safe. Nothing was going to get her.

But Helen knew they were wrong. 

She wasn’t afraid of him, not anymore. When she was very young, the sight of him or his shadow would make her heart race with anxiety and fear. But he never hurt her. On one occasion, she had tried to jump from her bed to run and had fallen and scraped her knee. The boogeyman had picked her back up and placed her in the bed and tucked her in.

When she was nine, she learned to stop talking about him. She had brought him up at dinner one time too many and her parents decided she was too old to still see monsters under the bed and in her closet. They sent her to a shrink who told her that the boogeyman was just a manifestation of her fears.

Helen didn’t like the psychiatrist. He was very sure of himself and very certain there were no such things as monsters.

But she knew better. 

She went home and went to bed, and sure enough, the boogeyman was there, standing in the doorway to her closet.

“Goodnight.” She told him softly.

The boogeyman was real. And, for whatever reason, he was stalking her.

And it didn’t matter where she went. She would spend the night with her grandparents and the boogeyman would follow, standing in the corner behind the door.

When she went away to summer camp, he would watch over her as she slept.

When she was thirteen and her parents divorced, he would follow her from house to house.

He became a more permanent fixture in her life than either of her parents.

Friends would come and go but the boogeyman was there to stay.

…

Things were fine, Helen thought. The boogeyman was real and he followed her but he was harmless. Like a benign tumor. Maybe he wasn’t the most pleasant thing in the world but she didn’t mind his presence.

Until she was sixteen.

Steven Richter had driven her home from school.

No one was home and she had invited him inside. One thing had led to another and studying had turned into Steven kissing her on her bed.

He was handsy and his tongue didn’t seem to know what it was doing but it was her first kiss and so she didn’t mind.

And then, in an instant, Steven was ripped off of her and thrown across the room.

He couldn’t see the dark shadow that stood in front of her, hands clenched in anger and fuming.

Steven had run.

She didn’t blame him.

“What are you doing?” She had screamed at the dark figure when they were alone, “We were just kissing!”

She hadn’t expected a reply and she was not met with one but, for the first time, she thought she could hear breathing coming from her boogeyman.

And Helen didn’t bring home a boy again.

…

She hadn’t known what to expect when she had gone away to college. She had asked him, late one night, just days before she was set to fly out to New York.

“Are you going to follow me all the way across the country?”

The boogeyman hadn’t answered. He hadn’t even moved from his spot, standing vigil over her room. 

The first day of orientation was a blur and she didn’t know what to expect. The entire day, it felt as if her heart was still in her chest, waiting and anticipating what would happen when she retired

And when she reached her room that night, she almost sighed in relief to see the boogeyman standing next to her new bed.

She smiled at him but said nothing. Her new roommate didn’t need to know that she saw things no one else did.

Helen climbed into bed and fell asleep knowing that she was safe.

…

His name was James and he was a junior. A pre-med student who read Dumas and Hugo. Yes, he was a bit pretentious, but he was nice enough. He asked her to come back to his apartment to listen to his vinyl collection and she had accepted.

She was an adult now and had only kissed one boy. Barely. It hadn’t taken long for the boogeyman to throw him from her.

But this wasn’t her apartment.

It wasn’t even James’ bedroom. It was a common room and his roommates were out as the vinyl played softly and they spoke of literature.

And Helen felt a hand on her shoulder. Strange, since she could see one of James’ hands in his lap, the other draped over the couch.

But sure enough, there was a weight trailing across her shoulder and gently caressing her neck.

He was there.

The boogeyman was in the room with them.

His hand curled around her throat, not hard enough to hurt her. He wouldn’t hurt her. But it was a warning.

If that boy touches you, I’ll kill him.

And Helen excused herself, feigning a headache and mourning the fact that her body ached to be touched. By someone. Anyone. Even a pretentious med student with atrocious taste in music.

She went home and locked the door, curling up on her bed.

Her roommate wasn’t home and so she spoke, “You can’t just hurt any boy who touches me.” 

And, of course, he doesn’t reply. It pisses her off. How dare he? How dare he interfere with her love life when he doesn’t even bother to speak to her. To communicate with her other than the odd comforting touch every few months or years.

A tear slips from her cheek and she feels a weight pressing against her back, wrapping itself around her. The tear is wiped away and Helen leans back into the boogeyman.

“You can’t just keep me forever.” She whispers and the arms around her tighten.

Helen swallows.

Of course, that’s what he intends.

…

Helen throws herself into her studies. She isn't sure what else to do because relationships are off the table so long as the boogeyman is watching her.

Even friends are kind of hard because the boogeyman is such a big part of her life and she can't even mention him.

In her senior year, her roommate had friends over and Helen found herself dragged into a game of never have I ever.

And, of course, it was came up. She thought about lying but after half a dozen rounds, Helen still had all her fingers up.

"What, are you a virgin?"

And what could she say?

Sorry, I'm in a long term relationship with thr monster under my bed? He's super possessive and has no problem hurting guys I'm interested in?

Its not like she can just explain to others why she doesn't even go on dates.

So she admits to it and puts up with the teasing and, when she goes to bed, tears in her eyes, he is there. She feels the bed dip and he strokes her hair until she falls asleep.

…

She gets a small apartment after college. It has one bedroom and it smells a bit like mildew but its cheap and its hers and she doesn't have to worry about anyone hearing her talk to the monster that follows her around 

He likes the space, she thinks. And she sets a chair up for him next to the bed and idly wonders if she's losing her mind. Is this encouraging him?

But she leaves it and when she wakes up at 2am, thr boogeyman is sitting and watching her.

In the morning, her coffee is prepared in a to go mug that she most certainly hadn't set out.

And just like that, something has changed. The boogeyman is her… friend.

…

Seasons change but the boogeyman doesn't. He still looks the same as he always has. Like a dark shadow that comes and goes corporeally. Sometimes there's a face and sometimes there's a shadowy blur. She decides that she likes his face.

It has high cheekbones and a dark beard. Its lips look soft and, sometimes, she its eyes look kind.

Deprived of touch and attention, she closes her eyes and imagines that face while she showers.

Its… nice but lacking.

At work, a nice man asks her to dinner and she declines, only to go home and have dinner on thr couch with the boogeyman next to her.

Helen tries not to think how much power she has given to her personal monster.

…

She turns twenty-six and something in her breaks. Twenty-six years old and she remains a virgin. Twenty-six and she has only had one sloppy kiss.

And it strikes her that it has been ten years since anyone has kissed her.

And it isn't fair.

She doesn't go home after work. She goes to a bar and drinks until the pain in her heart has dulled.

When a stranger propositions her, she doesn't have the mental capacity to remember what her monster is capable of and she takes him home.

The door to her apartment closes and he pushes her into it and presses his thin lips to hers.

She opens her mouth to deepen the kiss but he is ripped away. Helen opens her eyes in time to see red flash in her monsters eyes as the stranger slides across the floor and into the wall.

"Are you serious?" She screams at the monster. 

The stranger staggers to his feet, looking where she does but seeing nothing.

"You're fucking crazy bitch!"

And she shouldn't have said that because her monster flashes with anger yet again and charges at the stranger. He is lifted off the ground by the throat and held up to the wall.

The stranger grips at his throat but he cannot seem to breach thr touch of her monster.

"Put him down!" She shouts at him. "Fuck! Just let him go!"

The boogeyman looks back at her, making eye contact before releasing the stranger to crumple on her floor.

"Run." She tells him and he wastes no time, staggering to thr door and slamming it behind him. 

When the door has closed she looks back at the boogeyman. "Fuck you! I don't belong to you!"

And, of course, he says nothing. Which only adds to her anger.

"Im twenty-six years old and I am tired of never having been really kissed or fucked by anything other than my own hand! So if I go out to get fucked, that is my goddamned right!"

She doesn't seem him move so much as she sees a blur of darkness and she feels her back hit the wall.

A hand is around her throat but this is not like what she has just seen. He is not hurting her, just pinning her in place.

The darkness seems to fade and she sees the outline of his face. Sharp and dark and angry.

"No one touches what's mine." He growls and the voice is deep and gravelly and it makes every hair stand on end.

Her mouth opens in shock and a tongue forces its way in. It is strong  and thick and she nearly chokes as he claims her mouth 

Large hands grope at her flesh, grabbing at her hips, her waist. There is no mercy in his grip or in his touch.

She is lifted against the wall, opposite from where the stranger had hung minutes before. Helen gasps and the boogeyman steps into her space. Her arms wrap around him, as if she’s afraid he’ll drop her.

His dark lips form a smile and his head tilts to the side in curious wonder.

“You want to be fucked, Helen?”

Her breath stutters and a hand pushes her skirt up her thigh.

She looks between them and, sure enough, her monster looks more human than usual.  He is still half-shadow, but his anatomy resembles a human even if his skin feels… different. Thicker and a little leathery but soft.

Her skirt is around her hips and he rips the underwear off her body. Her arms tighten around him involuntarily at the shock.

There’s a sound from her monster, almost like a laugh, and his mouth descends on her neck. His teeth are sharp and they graze her skin so rough that she wonders if she’ll bleed.

But it doesn’t feel bad.

She looks at him and his eyes flash from black to red and back again. His hand moves and she looks down between them. A long, thick cock hangs between his thighs and… fuck, are they supposed to be that big?

But thoughts disappear from her head as his palm rests on her clit and his thick fingers tease her opening.

Helen gasps at the contact and John seizes the opportunity to push a finger fully inside her.

She cries out. It’s only a finger but it feels so good. It curls inside her and she leans into the wall, arching her back, as if she can get more of him into her.

“More!” She begs and tries to bounce on his finger.

The bogeyman growls and another finger breaches her core, stretching her. Helen keens at the contact. It’s a tight fit with both his thick fingers but she grinds down onto him while his thumb runs circles around her clit.

And fuck, she feels herself growing wetter, she feels herself getting hotter, and Jesus Christ. Has this been an option all this time? To have the boogeyman rocking up against her, inside her? 

Why the fuck hadn’t he?

Bastard.

Her arms rescind from around him and she grabs his face, bringing it to hers and she kisses him again. Fuck.

Why does a monster taste so damn good?

How is the boogeyman the best kisser she has ever had?

Probably because he wouldn’t let anyone else touch her.

But fuck…

Maybe she didn’t want anyone else to touch her if her monster kept rubbing her clit like that.

She licks his mouth, sucks on that thick tongue. She wonders what it would feel like between her thighs. Later.

If her monster had proven anything, it was that he wasn’t going anywhere.

She reaches down between them and wraps her hand around his cock, without looking away from his face. His eyes flash red again as she touches the appendage and she licks her lips. Her hand runs his length and back down.

He is hot in her hand and it almost seems to pulse.

The boogeyman bares his teeth at her and, fuck, that’s hot.

Helen feels her toes curl and, god, he speeds up his fingers. They thrust inside her quickly, making her moan. Her hand tightens around his length and her monster makes a sound like a purr.

She wants him.

Helen angles his cock up and the boogeyman moves his fingers, watching her carefully.

She slides the tip up her slit, coating him in the juices, before positioning him at her entrance.

Her monster leans forward and fuck. Fuck. 

His thick cock slowly slides into her, inch by inch. And it hurts and it’s glorious and she has never felt so full in all her life. A sound escapes her throat and she’s not even sure what it is but she knows that the boogeyman feels incredible.

Helen’s arms slip back around him as he gently thrusts into her. 

“Fuck!” She moans and the boogeyman quickens his pace, growling again as he pushes himself deep inside of his woman. His. She has been his for years, even if she hasn’t admitted it.

He chose her.

He stayed with her.

No one got to touch her.

No one but him.

The boogeyman keeps his hips moving, fucking his sweet girl. Listening to the moans and the keens that stem from those sweet, plump lips.

Helen squeezes around him and he pushes her harder into the wall. Her soft, little body is rocked between it and him. 

Helen swears again, pressing her head into the crook of his neck as he continues to abuse her little body. 

He thrusts so hard she wonders if she might break, still she begs him for more.

"Harder! Fuck!"

The sounds her monster makes are not human but she can't bring herself to care as he fucks her harder and faster and pleasure builds within her until she can barely breathe.

Helen screams as her orgasm rushes her, hitting her like a freight train. And still, the boogeyman keeps going. Still pumping inside her.

He grabs her hair, suddenly, and yanks her head to the side exposing her neck.

She whimpers in pleasure before it turns to a scream as he bites into her neck.

The world fades after that.

…

He doesn't sleep but, after that night, he spends every night in her bed. She sleeps curled up to him and he holds her through the night. 

Her life slips into an easy routine. She wakes up and her monster makes her coffee. Then she goes to work and counts down the hours until she can go home. 

She eats dinner and then spends her nights alternating between Snuggling with the boogeyman on the couch and letting him fuck her into the mattress until she passes out.

When strangers ask her out, she tells them she is sorry, but she's taken.

It slips out one day, when she's being pressured at work but a man who doesn't believe her when she says she had a boyfriend.

"Well what's his name?"

"John."

Its the first thing she thinks and, when she tells him about it, he doesn't seem to mind. He especially doesn't mind when she cries out his new name while writhing under him.

People come and go.

But her boogeyman is there to stay.

He is no longer the monster under her bed; but in it.

[spacesteffie]

ok the umbrella academy but the swedes are actually apart of the hargreeves family.

oscar has water powers (mild water bending, being able to speak in water aswell as breath it) otto can control the wind (can let out gusts of winds via his mouth, doesnt get affected by wind’s gusts and can hold his breath for a very very long time)) and axel has fire powers ( able to walk in it and make fire appear on his body without getting 3rd degree burns)

the thing is they were just weaklings in mr. hargreeves mind because no matter what he did, they hardly could do the minium so he didn’t actually give them a whole number, they were decimals.

Otto - number 3.1 (called .1)

Oscar - number 3.5 (called .5)

Axel - number 3.9 (called .9)

The trio were always together. Not including each other, Otto was pretty close with Allison and Klaus- Oscar was close with Ben and Vanya and Axel was close with Diego and Five. They all weren’t that close with Luther because he was at their father’s tail.

Axel had a semi rivalary with Diego. They were either rough housing or trying to beat each other at card games. The only times that they both agreed and helped each other was when helping out Grace. Axel and Five were more mature than the rest so they bonded off that, often making fun of their siblings dumb acts. But after Five disappeared that noon, he felt that bit more lonely. He won’t admit it but for a long long time he would stay up till 4am, just so he could be there when he came back. He pulled a lot of allnighters, despite Otto and Oscar telling him to rest- he refused to.

Otto liked to talk with Allison about anything really, whatever she wanted to talk about, he would listen. Even if it was about her gushing about Luther, which always brought a scowl to his face- cringing at it often being like, “allison i love you but whY HIM??” Allison always threw her pillow at his face for that. Otto also loved Klaus’ goofy personality, you could always get a good laugh from his jokes. But he felt sick to the stomach everytime he sent to the cemeratory. he would anxiously wait and count each hour that went by, and when he finally did come back, he would call ben over and give klaus a big bear hug.

Oscar on the other hand, was the most quiet. He liked hanging out with Ben and listen to him talking about other dimensions and realities. Sure he thought it was quite boring but he did memorise alot of the stuff Ben rambled on about off by heart because he had nothing else to do. The only times Oscar passionately spoke about anything to Ben was about cats. all types of cats. he learned all he could about cats and got Ben hooked on the idea of having cats aswell. you can imagine the dissapointmenton their faces when Reginald said that pets were a waste of time, energy and money. He also liked listening to Vanya’s violin, it was really really soothing and calming. Alot of times when Oscar was scared and his twins weren’t with him, he’d make his way to Vanya’s room and just chill there on her bed while she would be sitting on her chair.

After Ben died, the trio left together. They all owned a pretty decent house, living altoghter. They own 4 cats; two in which were named after Five and Ben. Otto worked as a pretty famous photographer, Oscar worked at a cat daycare and Axel became a bartender. In their free time they all would go fishing, camp out in the woods for a night, visit a cat cafe or they went on a car rides across the countries for a bit.

———

im going to add more headcannons on this au,, pls tell me what you think about it 😳👉👈 its nearly 2am now, do i regret writing this? no. no i don’t.

[dog-teeth]

Hi! I love your comics but this is actually somehow art history related, but also imposter syndrome. I just took a massive test involving analysis of images, that I had no idea how to answer. I might have analyzed them and formed my own conclusions and connections instead of repeating someone else’s but I’m terrified I was just bs-ing the whole thing. Does this ever happen to you or do you have any advice?

hi king/queen im an art history major and i can confirm that a lot of the time writing about art history is complete bullshit, i had to write a bunch of various visual analyses at the end of this semester and a lot of it was vague bullshit tbh. honestly? dont worry about it! its fine to bullshit stuff i promise. as long as u cite your sources / back up the claims you make, its Fine dude ive written so many. so . many . fucking pages of art history analyses that i thought have been largely bullshit its Okay. just chill my friend, have some faith in yourself, dont let imposter syndrome get to u.

a big part of art history writing is being able to look at an image you dont know about and write something about it. if your claims are reasonable and justifiable, youre fine. if you wrote something, even if it felt like u didnt know what to say, its fine. it can feel like bs and sometimes it is but my guess is youre being overly self conscious and you actually did alright.

i often go thru this when im writing esp on tests cuz it really does feel like im writing absolute bs sometimes BUT ive learned to have faith in myself, and you should too! even if its bullshit thats fine it really is. also, im sure youve gotten grades back for your writing in the class you had this test for, so you can use that as a reference for your ability. its a safe assumption that your grade/ability isnt too far off from how youve done in the rest of the class. just trust yourself. what i love about art history is you Can bullshit your way through writing if you vaguely know what youre doing.

but yeah its like 2am so this is really ranty but the point is you should trust yourself, if you feel imposter syndrome look at the grades u got for past similar assignments to contextualize ur abilities, and in the art history field you really have to bullshit stuff sometimes as a student and thats just how it is.

i went thru this when i took my midterms, i thought i didnt know anything and i would do terribly and everything i wrote was complete bullshit, but turns out i did pretty well on them. and i just took my finals a week and a half ago and once again im really worried its all bullshit and i did terribly BUT im trying not to freak out and im rationalizing the probability that i did fine on them bc i can look at my past grades to tell me im good at the type of writing i had to do even tho i do Not trust past ezra and all the bullshit they probably wrote during finals.

since youve already taken the test id suggest not worrying abt it as much as possible bc theres nothing u can do now, though im anxiously awaiting my grades thatll come back at the end of the month........

i might edit and add to this tomorrow when im coherent so check again on this response later ok?

[lavellane]

ok so heres an obligatory twc/detective oc infodump since i was up til 2am last night feverishly thinking abt Her

(tho um disclaimer i literally have just started so i know less than nothing abt anything lol)

her name is beatrice maddox ! but her friends/the whole town just calls her triss. hearing her full name just makes her feel like shes in trouble Unless its ava saying it and then shes 😳😳😳😳

shes bi ! aaaaand nobody is surprised in the slightest lmao ! she dated bobby and im ..... considering doing the n/a love triangle route tho i kno nothing abt it. definitely going to end up w ava tho bc i cannae resist

tattoos. EVERYWHERE. a couple are meaningful, but for the most part??? absolutely nonesensical 🥰 her tattoos were very carefully chosen to represent and Symbolize that she is Cool and Bisexual and Hot. thats it ✊

her personality is.... ok im not gonna try with the whole canon stats thing but she's very cheerful ! in a sort of Cool and casual and lighthearted way. maybe a little too lighthearted, almost as if it maybe.... it was a little forced 👀

shes a realist as opposed to an optimist/pessimist , but she tends have an ironic/lighthearted sense of humour that makes her seem a lot more silly than she is i guess? in truth, outside of like surface level warmth and extroversion for the sake of saving face, shes actually very reserved and awkward. i mean, she IS genuinely a very warm person, but theres a lot of darkness she tends to keep very deep inside herself, that virtually nobody has ever rly seen from her. shes the type of person who's GREAT at like, first impressions and having dozens and dozens of amicable aquaintances, but she rly struggles to form close friendships bc shes quite aloof and eccentric, sometimes says stuff that makes her sound callous, keeps a LOT of secrets and... hates opening up to ppl authentically lol! for reasons i'll get into!

she progressed thru her education and career stuff really quickly mostly due to being a gifted child ! obviously tho that means she also has gifted child syndrome lol. while she still excels professionally and on the surface she seems very functional and cheery and put together, her personal life has rly suffered bc of burnout and anxiety nd whatnot. emotionally shes not at the same place as others her age and shes just. very caught up inside her own head i guess and has a LOT of trouble relating to others, tho she's aquaintances/friendly with most everyone in the town. longterm relationships are VERY hard for her.

so. im already editing canon lol which is very on brand for me and it might not work idk !!!! but my lore for her rn is when she was a child, like 8 or 9, she um witnessed a murder/a body being discarded in the woods. it REALLY fucked her up.obviously. she was a kid and alone at the time and when she got home she was so ????????¿¿¿¿¿¿¿ abt it that she didnt tell her parents or let anybody know. at the time she still didnt rly understand what she saw, or at least didnt know how to handle situations like that bc literally Who would, but it still keeps her up at night, and shes still plagued by guilt and fear over it. the murder was never reported and nobody ever discovered anything, so sometimes she convinces herself that what she thinks she saw didnt actually happen ..... she rly doesnt know ! and it scared tf out of her !

that whole deal lead to her becoming uh quite morbid ! she was still a bright happy kid, but death sort of became like.... a n interest of hers, as well as criminals and finding out stuff. im still not sure if her focus is gonna be on detective work primarily or on science, ill maybe decide after my first playthru. anyway she never did anything that was like an actual red flag or anything xbxjsksms but she was just a Weird Girl growing up after that. she'd watch a LOT of true crime and read everything she could get her hands on and absolutely would have annoyed the shit out of all the detectives at the station.

speaking of annoying cops, shes also a reformed Rascal teenager. she was VERY rebellious as a kid, again mostly bc of Trauma, and was basically the loveable bane of wayhaven's existence for a good four years. again, she was mischievous but not in a malicious/dangerous way, but she definitely would have seen the inside of the station's jail cell a few times for like..idk. egging houses, graffiti, maybe weed idk ! just girly things! she ended up mellowing out soon afer highschool but shes still cool enough to have arm sleeve tattoos so u kno she still absolutely passes the vibe check

last point abt the murder but ! that event basically got repressed pretty quickly after it happened, she does not talk about it EVER, not to anybody. literally not a single person on earth knows what happened that day except her and the possibly-not-real-killer. and, while its sort of filed under the "Dont Consciously Think About This Ever" section of her brain, she obviously is haunted by it and has nightmares consistently, and its basically what inspired her to become a detective in the first place. bc its not so much about Seeing it that affected her so much as... not knowing who did it, not knowing what happened, and not being able to stop it. so much of her life after that was spent of Figuring Everything Out as like a coping mechanism, which obviously put a lot of pressure on her and strain on relationships, but it makes for great detectives lmao !

she is a hugely active person and needs constant mental simulation bc she genuinely hates quiet, and being left alone with her thoughts and memories. living alone sucks for her, so she usually has to play music as soon as she gets home, needs to go to sleep w music, needs to drive with music.... and driving is the worst. she sort of.... goes thru life feeling very ghostlike ! like shes living in a verh different world to everyone else. like shes waiting for something terrible to happen in every waking moment - its mostly practice that allows her to hide it with lightheartedness and jokes and deflective warmth, bc otherwise she'd go crazy !

i'll add more to this when i know more but if u read all of this i love you so much and you deserve a medal. im actually shocked im getting so into this already like i RLY didnt think i would

(ps her pinterest is a work in progress but it's here if anyones interested!)

[ncvaleereign-ar]

hi you beautiful people so ive been lacking muse for this beautiful human that is nova reign that i basically revamped her, gave her a new secret and changed her whole background. i basically wanted to start fresh with her and just try to do something new but also add in a sort of old muse ive had and combine her with my pop princess. so below is a new and improved nova. if you’d like to plot heart this and i’ll come message you <3

new york’s very own nova reign was spotted on broadway street in stuart weitzman heeled boots. your resemblance to perrie edwards is unreal . according to tmz , you just had your twenty fifth birthday bash . while living in nyc ,  you’ve been labeled as being hot headed , but also tender hearted. i guess being a cancer explains that . 3 things that would paint a better picture of you would be pastels, diamonds, sunflowers  .  &  ( cisfemale & she/her  )  +  ( anna , 25 , she/her , est . )

trigger warnings include: drugs & death

༄ ʙᴀsɪᴄs

ɴᴀᴍᴇ → Nova Lee Reign

ᴀɢᴇ → 25

ʜᴏᴍᴇᴛᴏᴡɴ → New York City

ᴏᴄᴄᴜᴘᴀᴛɪᴏɴ →  Musician

sᴇxᴜᴀʟɪᴛʏᴏʀɪᴇɴᴛᴀᴛɪᴏɴ → bisexual

ʀᴇʟᴀᴛɪᴏɴsʜIᴘ sᴛᴀᴛᴜs → single

 ༄ ᴘʜʏsɪǫᴜᴇ

ғᴀᴄᴇᴄʟᴀɪᴍ → perrie edwards

ʜᴇɪɢʜᴛ → 5ft 3in

ʜᴀɪʀ → blond

eᴇʏᴇs → bright blue

sᴄᴀʀs → a scar on her stomach from getting a surgery removing her gallbladder, one across her forearm from not listening as a child and not paying attention to where things were causing her to accidentally gash her arm

 ༄ ᴘᴇʀsᴏɴᴀʟɪᴛʏ

ᴛʀᴀɪᴛs → + very warm welcoming, caring, will legit put your needs in front of her own, - hurt her or her friends vile, manipulative at times, can be snarky

ғᴇᴀʀs → being alone and spiders

 ༄ ʙᴀᴄᴋɢʀᴏᴜɴᴅ

*nova lee reign never wanted the life she was give but being born into a family of one of the most fearful and powerful businessmen/women in new york she had no choice but to follow in her family’s lifestyle. From a young age she had dreams, dreams that didn’t involve business deals, business meeting or being a feared person. 

*nova always wanted to go into music, whether it be starting a record company or sign a record deal one day, make a name that wasn’t her family’s but had to keep that a secret from her family but only made it her misson to make her dream a reality once she learned what her parents actually did soon making her actually having to live a double life because she told them her dreams and they laughed

* her parents say they own a company by the name Reign Enterprise but in reality that company is just a front of what really is going on behind closed doors. Reign Entireprise is just a codename for her family to hide behind the fact that they are a powerful mob family that instead of selling stock, they sell drugs and when they don’t get their way, they kill anyone that gets in their way.

*nova does everything she can to come out on top whether it be overworking herself or using her family ties to try to take down whatever competition which was how she got to be apart of her band. she hates using the name she was given but once she found out it worked out in her favor she went with the flow. well until she met a boy.

*when nova met alex she felt on top of the world. she didn’t follow her parents rules, she felt reckless and happy. she was in love. when she was with the male she forgot who she really was and that wasn’t okay with her family. which is where her secret comes in. two years into their relationship the two were just about to engaged, when her parents found out that nova was going to leave her family’s lifestyle they ordered a hit on her boyfriend and just before he got down on one knee the male was shot and killed by the hand of nova’s father and nova was the one to cover up the death.

 she keeps a double lifestyle, working for what she what she loves doing and trying to reach her goal but also trying to show her parents the fact that she could one day take over for them. personality wise, she’s a bit sassy will try to get you to cause trouble with her but that’s because she’s always looking for a good time. she’s also generally really sweet but that’s because she uses that as an advantage to get people to join in on all her plans and fun.she’s really loyal to her friends but to her enemies she’s a snake, she will do anything to ruin their life try to find their deepest secret and expose them only because that’s the kind of person she is.

 ༄ PLOTS 

 Everything that is right here! is very wanted!!!

roommate plots- please give this girl a normal life and give her some roommates who don’t know about her family and just loves her for her and dont think anything other than she’s a actual nice person (0/2)

ride or die/squad – all the types of best friends, male best friends, ride or die best friend a partner in crime this girl needs all the friends that she hides who she really is from of course but she still gets along with these people and maybe theyre the first person she calls when she needs to talk or get away (0/2)

childhood best friend- grew up together, always stuck together, and saw each other through the good and bad times. knows every secret and is that person she calls when she knows she’s going to have a mental breakdown (0/2)

guy best friend - plain and simple. her male bff that she goes to all the time to cheer her up, be her hype man and just talk about any and all things (0/1)

music friends - give this girl all the music friends pleaseeee (0/??)

Stay- “Tell me that it’s all okay I’ve been waitin’ on this all damn day call me in the mornin’, tell me how last night went I’m here, but don’t count on me to stay” || basically a very toxic relationship its a complete back and forth between the two. they either are together or they’re not until nova can’t take it anymore. yes she’ll still come when they call at three a.m. drunk off their ass but she won’t stay. she’ll help take care of them but that’s all. (0/1) 

Motivate- “When he moves in, I cave in want him to dive in my ocean we take off our labels on the coffee table 2AM and we just begun” || a relationship that purely works on sexual attraction, but also one of nova’s biggest motivators in life. it’s either really toxic or pretty serious. this person would be the biggest influence for her writing her song ‘motivate’ (0/1)

Happier- “And the image of you being with someone else well, it’s eating me up inside but we ran our course, we pretended we’re okay now if we jump together at least we can swim far away from the wreck we made” || basically this is a relationship (romantic or friendship wise im sure we can make it work) where no one wants them together. her friends tell her they’re a bad duo and their friends tell them they’re a bad duo. nova makes the decision to just be friendly during group appearances but knows they’ll never work out because the world is against them but she wants the other to be happier in life. (0/2)

Bad At Love- “I’m bad at love but you can’t blame me for tryin’ you know I’d be lyin’ sayin’ you were the one that could finally fix me lookin’ at my history” || nova doesn’t believe in love, she had it and it went away and then she tried again but she was never good at it because she makes herself believe that she doesn’t deserve love. this is basically a past relationship where she left, she ran when things got good because she was scared so she left without a word and now she’s running into them again and everything hits her at once. its a pretty angsty plot. (0/1)

Sweet but Psycho- “You’re just like me, you’re out your mind I know it’s strange, we’re both the crazy kind you’re tellin’ me that I’m insane boy, don’t pretend that you don’t love the pain” || this is like a ride or die plot, basically they’re like two pea’s in a pod. they get in trouble together, they have fun together, they might experiment things together but in the end they’re like the same person. nothing sexual comes from this. (0/2)

[crystalizednight]

Sorry to add another Covid 19 post to the already huge pile but I cant sleep, its 2 am, and I got things on the mind I wanna say, but everyone I talk to is asleep I think.

I see people all the time saying that this is dangerous. It is, yeah. Stay inside, dont go out, all that jazz. I dont see anyone saying how terrifying this is though. I'm speaking as a retail worker. One, who was forced by her scared mother, scared because she knew I was in danger of getting this virus, to lie to work and say I was sick, just so I could stay home. Because there would be no other way, no way would work let me go. I'm getting off track though.

I'm returning to work Wednesday, and I'm fucking scared, more scared then I've ever been. It's been keeping me up at night every day, it haunts my thoughts during the day, but I dont want to say anything because god, im sick of hearing about it myself, im sure everyone else is. But im fucking scared, because of how in danger I am, and how everyone of my coworkers is, my family, their family. If I get this virus, I'm screwed. I cant go to the hospital bc one, my hospital is in next city (for insurance reason), and two. Because its fucking filled, they cant take any more patients. If I get it, I put my sister and mother at high risk. Mom, who isnt exactly immune compromised but who sure as fuck isnt in good standing with it. My sister, who works with a child of not even 2 years.

What's being done about this? What's being done about essential employee safety? Nothing, to my knowledge. My employer doesnt give us gloves, no facemasks. People here dont adhere to the stay at home rule, not to the social distancing. Fuck, I've seen non essential stores fucking open like hobby lobby and game stop, fucking game stop.

I'm scared about possibilities. What if this virus becomes so big it wipes us out? I would never get to see my girlfriend in person, I would have to watch my family and friends die, the thought of myself dying from it as well.

I'm sorry to rant for so long, but I've a lot on my chest. I'm terrified to the point of crying at 2am, literally shaking as I prepare myself to go into danger again with no way to protect my health.

[dulharpa]

this is for hayley! @whistlingwillows a dear friend <3333

it’s meant to be a birthday present haha. i just want to shower you in love;;; so thought maybe i could go through as many of your fics and comment on them :^)))

(TO EVERYONE ELSE: please go to @whistlingwillows blog and read her fics!!! they are SO FCKIN GOOD AND AMAZING AND UGH HER MIND (it’s a lot of mcu and her bucky and steve fics are a*. i DEFINITELY RECOMMEND))

i wish you a VERY happy birthday and i hope we stay friends for many more years <3333333333 

i’m going through your masterlist heehee ;)))

ah first off, nice theme! i never could rlly see it before because i’m always on mobile heehee. also sorry for not reviewing them before??? i don’t usually read fics on tumblr as you’ve probably guessed;;

anyways, IM GON REVIEW THE SHIT OUT OF THESE >:DDDD

far from home -  bucky x stark sister!reader

firstly, i like how youre introducing the reader from buckys pov, like you can sort of already gather what shes like from them

‘Bucky can hear Tony’s soft inhale, feel the intensity of the man’s glare directed at Steve. He shouldn’t be eavesdropping, but a twitch of muscle would be enough to alert both men that he’s here. With the amount of tension crackling in the air, a brush against the wall would be equivalent to a thousand cymbals crashing in cacophony.’

IM CRYING ALREADY. the imagery in here is GLORIOUS. your tone here is so fitting! oo and the alliteration here is perfecto

ooooooo!! the backstory coming in  👀👀

‘despite what some people think that Steve and Captain America are two different personas, there will always be parts of Steve in the Avenger, and parts of the Avenger in Steve. They both want to believe in something good. They are, after all, one in the same.// Just as how Bucky and the Winter Soldier are the same man despite everything. HYDRA simply amplified the hate, fertilized the seeds of rage, curated the quiet thunder within his soul, within James Buchanan Barnes so that the Winter Soldier could thrive.’

yIKES! lol this is very character study like! nICE. it hurts tho, my poor children, i love you both 

oo ‘starlight eyes’ that is a very nice way of describing them

‘“Then what was London?” The protesters. “São Paulo?” The earthquake. “Vancouver?” Freezing cold water.//“Look, I care if Stark’s gonna run us over trying to find her. I care enough because she’s part of our team. Come off it, Steve. I know she can take care of herself. I’m gonna take a nap. Dr. Cho said no partying post-Singapore and what do you know, we throw the biggest party ever.’

ooo singapore uwu and london? (coincidence? haha jkjk) and the hints abt reader and buckys background are so good?? but so annoying??? like i just wanna KNOW yknow?? 

‘The water runs copper and the sting bites at his palm as he tries not to think. Tries to focus on the numbing cold that runs over his skin.’ 

your imagery is so vivid?? im actually in awe??? i am so regretful i havent kept reading your fics. like i know they are amazing, i just keep putting them off??? idk man. hopefully this makes up for it (gd tho, im still not done with commenting on one fic. this is what im doing with my motivation teehee ;)

‘ He feels weak. Tired. He wants to go back to bed but he also wants to stay out in the sun for a few hours more. The sun kisses his skin through the windows and he squints against the blue sky, wondering ‘

mood during this quarantine lol

‘“Oh, right.” Your voice is flat, uninterested, cold, as you stare at him. “You killed my parents.”Shit.‘

 OUCH LMAO THATS C O L D, O GOT +100 PHYSIC DAMAGE FROM JUST READING THAT

ooo robin as a nickname noice. very much gives me batman vibes lol

oh! and the way of doing the ‘flashback’ is neat! very original. it both tells us what happened AND buckys reaction to it again. he can re-analyse himself and reader. very cool

‘If you walk away now, don’t bother coming back!” Silence. Bucky can hear his own strained breathing, your soft sigh as you soaked in his ultimatum.’

👀👀 yikes that ultimatum. :// not good bucky. tbf theyre both trying to hurt each other but Yikes

eyy!!! readers pov!! finally! and the switch after we find out the outsiders pov? brilliant

oh no :(( more angst

‘When’s the last time you saw your therapist?”“Don’t have one. I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself.”’ they BOTH need therapists;;;;

very good fic!!! :DD they rlly do hate each other! i definitely like how you went back and forth with the timeline! it gave me a v strong idea on what yn was like even before we rlly got introduced. i am now very curious on where reader is? i love your characterisations! 

i will read the 10k+ fics but heck the last one took me ages lolol (i will comment in the future tho!! i promise <3 ) (that took me over an hour jjhghgdjh)

slipping away- amnesiac modern bucky x reader

omg,,, AMNESIA! >:DDDDDD

‘ Put your fucking seatbelt on’

oh no, istg theyre going to have a car crash arent they (’ doesn’t put the seatbelt on to spite you.’ NO PLEASE PUT IT ON U DUMBASS)

ok,,,,, at LEAST he put it on before he got hit, thank heck. but still. youre so cruel to your poor characters lmaoo

oh gosh

‘You fall apart slowly, like pieces of you peeling away until you’re nothing more than your broken heart. The sobs that wrack your body are relentless and you shove your forearm into your mouth to muffle your cries. You want to bite into your skin. You want to distract yourself from the agony tearing you to shreds. You want to feel anything but the pain.///Tears sweep into your hair, cloud your vision and your whole face floods with heat as you try to breathe through the pain. You’re cleaved into pieces on that bed, eyes squeezed shut as the tears keep flowing, and your throat burns’

this hurts damn, it is so vivid?? i can really feel it 

i am so glad you got into writing yk?? so glad

NO PLS, TELL HIM. TELL HIM :((( ‘shes nice once you get to know her?? shes known nat for years now!! years!!

oh god ‘he looks younger without the burden of your time together’ this is so angsty omg

‘Well, he was stumbling through his apology and I just let him finish.” Your body fills with warmth as you remember his embarrassed smile, the way he shoved his baseball cap farther down his head, chin tucked to his chest, trying to hide that face. “When he was done, I opened my mouth to say something polite but what came out was ‘You look like someone I’d very much like to kiss’.”

this is so soft i stg im crying in the club

OH SHITTTTTTTTTTT , you left it off like that!!! thats so cruel!!!! i can’t!!! how dare you!!!! :””””””((( im typing this with tears in my eyes ill have u know!!

anyway!!! very good fic!! you could honestly make that into a longfic very easily lol. i felt too many emotions :(( 

i was just about to say where is the fluff!! where is it!! when i saw the next one and yay :))) pls i cant have more angsty stuff rn

.

cookies and rings and things bucky and reader

‘how much do you love me?’ ‘count the snowflakes, multiply by a million’

did you have to start the fic off with such a SOFT line? its so soft! so TENDER 

‘He wonders what kinda insane person wears socks without any clothes on, but then decides that it’s the kind of person who’s fallen in love with him.’  jesus, the soft moments filled with love are the greatest <3

you can write fluff so well, whyd you have to pain me with all that angst ;””””) (1/10 hurt, 9/10 comfort is the way to go lolol) (jkjk ill read the angsty ones too when i have the spoons) (gonna reread that hydra steve one and ik thatll fuck me UP)

‘ Then, he can feel the cold metal of the ring she slid onto her own finger less than twenty-four hours ago and realizes that he had thought a lot of things shouldn’t be possible, and yet they still are. ‘

you literally brought me to tears reading this softness, you have truly found my weakness

‘ She’s so damn gorgeous with flour on her face and eye bags beneath her eyes that he’s sure she will inevitably make his heart burst ‘

he already likes her so much! i can’t believe this is affecting me so much :’)

‘Bucky is quite sure Sam is in love with his girlfriend in the fact that he’s in love with the fact that his girlfriend is possibly in love with Bucky’

this is so soft??? sam loves reader bc reader loves bucky sm. pls my hear <3333

you do fluff SO WELL DAMN 

‘F.R.I.D.A.Y.’s voice echoes in his small little perch and he still thinks it’s weird without having the side effect of Stark in his suit chasing after him to hear the A.I. but he shoves that uncomfortable feeling of the dead man out of his head. That is too much regret to unpack right now on a mission. ‘

yike bringing back that reminder oof

but thats so soft??? (i am def overusing soft but,,,,, i love it and the vibe) she sent him cookies! god i can feel the love  

‘She expresses her feelings through cooking, which Bucky has learnt the hard way. One time, they got into an argument over something stupid—he can’t even remember what started it—and came to the kitchen at 2AM to see her sitting at the kitchen island crying her eyes out and surrounded by baskets of muffins.’

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 my hEART

you show how much they love each other in so many ways??? i am dying

“Alright, I like it.” Rolling his eyes, he pecks her forehead and she smiles victoriously. It’s so adorable that Bucky, with less than three hours of sleep, adds, “God, I want to marry you.//”“What?”//Oh.Shit.

oh my god! i am literally tearing up!!! AGAIN!!!!!!!!

oh shit o am literally crying

your fluff got me crying harder than your angst i hope youre happy

I really hope you enjoy reading this?? i keep forgetting to like text you but i wanted to do something for your birthday. especially in quarantine when everythings gone crazy. one year i swear ill do something REALLY good for you. not making promises bc i hate if i dont. but ill like, learn how to podfic because you D E S E R V E  I T 

ive spent like three hours doing this lolol 

thank you so much for everything hayley!

[missmarj]

Stone Cold

This Bucky x Reader one shot is inspired by Demi Lovato's song, yes. I heard an acoustic version last night and it sounded so raw and so fucking broken. And I saw Black Panther the other day and bruh the end credit. I really like Shuri!! So smart and funny and playful and beautiful!💕

I see people putting up warnings, so i guess beware? Tons of F bomb and feels coming your way? If you are not into sad endings, I could write you up a happy ending. (Seriously, I would. I know what its like)

Welp, here it is! Enjoy my lovelies!

You met his gaze and felt that familiar tug on your chest. You hesitated at first but finally wave at him and smile. He reluctantly smiles back. You recognize the smile, it was one of which he puts on when something's bothering him or if he's just putting up a front.

The plastered smile on your mouth vanishes as a beautiful woman steps in to his arms and plants a chaste kiss on his jawline. Right where he loves it the most. Dazed, he looks away from you and down to her. Then, you feel your heart shatter into millions of pieces as he gave her that look and smile that once belonged to you. You wished you hadn't seen that.

You stiffly turn away, swallowing the forming lump in your throat. Making your way to bar, you feel your face get hot as the throbbing pain on your chest increases.

You sat on one of the bar stools breathing deeply with your head down. 'Anything for you miss?' The bartender asks. And so you begin, ordering till you numb the gaping hole on your chest. You down shots and every known mix of alcohol they have on the selection.

'Maybe you should take it easy?' The bartender asks out of concern. 'You dont have to worry about me. I can hold my own. Now, can I try-' you look down at your phone at your googled drinks must try, 'An appletini' you laugh, cursing the alcohol internally for making it easy for a giggle fest. When the bartenter, whose name was Oliver you now noticed, didnt move an inch to prepare your order. You got up from you seat.

'I'm not fucking drunk, Oliver. Watch.' You say as you walk as elegantly as you can in 5 inch stilettos. You twirl and wink at him as you turned to face him. When he didnt seem convince still, you curse at yourself. 'Motherfucker.'

You look around at the party goers and people dancing around you and yell, 'Oliver here wont give me my fucking appletini because he's worried im drunk! And im not! Now people, can you please give me some space?' People started hooting and cheering, all excited about what you’re going to do.

'Mr. Bartender! Can a drunk person do this?' You started to do a cartwheel and then a backflip on your fucking heels and dress. You land perfectly, proud that despite the alcohol concentration coarsing through your veins, youre still able to pull out a decent flip. Skills. Come. Through!

People cheered and clapped. Someone yelled from the back, 'Give the girl her damn drink!!' You yelled back a thank you as you brush you hair back with your fingers.

You come back to your seat and started sipping at your price. 'Y/n, what's going on?' Tony asks with a toothy grin, looking around anxiously. 'What do you mean? I’m just tryna have fun. Appletini?' You offered and Tony swatted your hand making you spill some of your drink. 'What I mean is, you're not yourself tonight! Causing a scene? doing fucking flips on an Elie Saab dress?! Drinking your face off?!' He gestures at Oliver. 'You there, Oliver! Stop handing her more drinks!' Tony scolds. 'Dont listen to this killjoy, Oli.' You winked at him.

'Y/n, im serious. I will take you home this instant if you wont stop drinking.' Tony says through gritted teeth. All the emotions you have been bottling up rises up to your throat.

'What am I supposed to fucking do Tony? First you ask me to move on and forget about him and i did! I kept my distance from him and everything else. Then you asked me to go out, and party and 'get shitfaced'! And now that I'm actually doing it, you act like you have stick up your ass when in the first place, I'm only doing what you all are asking me to fucking do!' You scream, jabbing a finger at his chest. A few guests turned to look but Sam intervenes, 'Nothing to see here people, move along!' He says while Steve smiles curtly and encourages everyone to help themselves to food and drinks.

Nat and Wanda came at your side and Bruce steps in placing a hand on Tony's chest, asking him to calm down. 'Come on, sweetheart. I'll get you as much drink as you can finish. Back off Tony.' Nat glared as she pulls you with her to an empty table. She hands you a glass of scotch and you down it as Wanda rubs your back soothingly. 'I dont get it. I thought I'm okay now. I thought I had-had let him go. But I still, fuck, it still hurts.' The music was blaring and you werent sure if they even heard you at all.

You wipe away your tears and start feeling your face get numb as the alcohol take its effect. Nat kneels down in front of you with a sad look in her eyes. 'Im not going to be like everybody else and tell you that you should just move on. Hell no. I'm your friend and believe me you deserve to cry this out, get crazy and acknowledge the pain. Because you got fucking hurt! A man you love is here tonight with someone else! If I were in your shoes, I'm probably going ape on them right now!' Nat yells through the music. Throwing her hands in the air in exasperation. You and Wanda laugh at her. You reached forward, hugging both Wanda and Nat. 'Thank God, I have you two.'

Wanda pulls away and puts her forehead against yours and Nat. 'Lets get shitfaced.' She says intently and you burst out laughing.

Time flew by as you, Wanda and Nat drown yourselves in alcohol courtesy of Oliver's fear of Natasha's wrath. You three were laughing and dancing like lunatics on the dance floor and you ladies must look like youre having the time of your lives because even Sharon and Maria abandoned their dates to join your little circle.

'Guys, shit. I gotta sit down. These shoes are killing me!' You made your way back to your table and grab your clutch. You took out your phone and checked the time. Its almost 2am. You look back at the dance floor and saw your friends having the best time. By now the alcohol was burning off of your body from all the sweating and trips to the bathroom. Which reminds you.

After doing your business you went ahead and washed your face and arms. You're still tingling from the alcohol. You thought about sneaking and heading home as you dry yourself with paper towels.

'There, you look decent again. Sort of.' You utter at your reflection. You are reapplying your lipstick when the door opens. Of course, with your luck and fucked fate, it was her.

She froze for a second and recovered with a dazzling smile. Damn, she really is perfect. You thought. You smile back a bit late because she's already beside you. 'Hi.' She says quietly as she washes her hand. 'Princess.' You try to sound as casual as you can but you couldn't recognize your own voice. 'Please call me, Shuri.' She asks, looking at you through the mirror. 'You guys look like you’re having the best time. I wish I had friends like that.' She says as she turns off the sink. 'Oh and you look amazing by the way. Your dress, wow, breathtaking.' She adds and you can actually see that she's sincere about it.

Didn’t she know?

Impossible. Hell, even tabloids made articles about you and Bucky. There's no way. Then again, its not like the Princess of Wakanda listen to gossips or read tabloids.

You snapped out of your reverie and gather your thoughts. Maybe she's just genuinely nice. Bucky wouldn't have liked her if she weren't. Wow Buck, what a catch. You thought, staring at the beautiful woman in front of you.

'Yeah they're a good bunch of people. And they match my crazy. Thank you Princ-Shuri. You too. You look divine. Please excuse me, I need to go.' You smile at her and turn for the door.

'It was nice bumping into you.' She says. 'I hope youre doing fine.' She adds hesitantly as you walk to the door. You turn back to look at her and smile, this time genuinely. Woman to woman, that’s actually a nice thing to say. 'I will be. Thank you, Shuri. Bye.'

You blink as you walk out of the rest room, thinking how easier it would be if the woman Bucky replaced you with wasn't as nice and as perfect as her. You breathe out shakily as you made your way to the exit.

'Y/n' an all too familiar voice called out as you push the elevator button. You turn around and there he was. Dashing and breathtaking as ever. His hair was slicked back but a few strands fall to the side of his face.

'Hey.' You breathed out.

'You heading home already?' He asks, now just a feet away from you.

'Yeah, I think I already hit my threshold for alcohol.' You laugh, still feeling bold and tingly. And sorta numb.

'You’re heading out alone? Are sure? I can drive you.' He offers, already fishing his keys from his pocket. You wave your hand at him as you shake your head.

'No no no, im good. You head back in there and i'll get going. I will be fine. Besides, you dont want to keep you gorgeous date waiting.' You say. The throbbing pain in your chest creeping up on you again.

'Y/n, I can't let you go home alone. At least-' Bucky starts to protest but you dismiss him by placing a hand on his chest. You froze for a second and thought about pulling him to you and kissing him for the last time but you resisted. Your hand turns into a fist at the collar of his tux. 'Im going to be fine, Bucky.' You choke out. He sighs and touched your hand on his chest. You tore away your gaze and pulled your hand just as the elevator dings open.

'Y/n.' he calls after you but you press the elevator button close.

'I’m happy for you.' Or at least you try to be. 'Goodbye, Bucky.' You say as the door closes between you and him.

GIF was from Snow Stan!💕 Hope you enjoyed this one!! Love and huggies and kissies for your bucky/sebstan trash heart!

[franeridart]

Ahhh if you ever do feel like drawing BakuSero I would just about die because I love that rare pair soooooo much and there is next to nothing for it

Holy shit I thought I was literally shipping that ship by myself, but here you are, amazing !!!!!!!!!!!! Anyway don’t worry I’ll definitely draw something for it sooner or later anon, I love it way too much to never give in haha

Anon said:my day started out terrible but your sero and kaminari saved the day (like most of your drawings do) ty ily

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’m super glad to hear that!!!!!!! I hope the rest of your day will be as amazing as it can be, anon!!!

Anon said:A) why isn't it franswers? B) Kaminari has a habit of just watching (unbreakable) things just fall if he fails to catch it or it slips out of his hands. like he doesn’t move to get it, he just watches it fall with a blank face

A) that’s a great question that would deserve an equally great answer which sadly I don’t have??? like, why isn’t it franswers??? it should definitely be franswers t b h - B) yes and also I feel Kaminari a lot. Like, mood and also same. As usual hahaha

Anon said:I have never seen a more pure kamisero than the spiderman kiss. I have fallen into the ship and i cant get up (i dont wanna get up) thank you 💖💖💖

Thank you!!!!! Oh my gods!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’m so happy I could make you ship it omfg!!!!!! They’re such a cute underrated ship aaahhhhhhhhhhhh tho I feel like it’s getting more popular lately, which is A+++ :D

Anon said:Sero 's hair looks so fluffy in that first panel, you can't un-convince me whoever his boyfriend (s) is (are) wouldn't mindlessly run their fingers through it from time to time.

I love this headcanon???? But also consider, if his boyfriend is Kaminari, Sero’s hair is always super staticky once he’s stopped petting it. Like, his hair just sticks in every direction, it looks super funny. Or, his boyfriend is Bakugou (or his girlfriend is Mina! same scenario plays out) and Sero has to wash his hair after Bakugou/Mina is done because their hands are dangerous and having flammable hair isn’t much fun, Neither is having acid very slowly corroding his scalp Poor boy, three out of four of my fav partners for him are dangerous for his hair haha

Anon said:Spidey Sero is good Sero also I still love your chibi style ^^

Thank you!!!!!!!!!!! Holy smokesss!!!!!!! *O*

Anon said:Right, so first off, I l o v e your art. And I'm kinda mad that only just found out about you? Anyways, I was wondering if I could draw one of your fusions (specifically, the Kacchadeku one)? They're super cool and i really want to draw them myself? I'll give credit you your for making the designs 'n all that. It's been quite a while since you drew it so i was wondering if I could draw 'em. Other than that, keep up the good work!

I would prefer it if you guys could ask me for this kind of stuff off anon, tbh aaahhhhhhhhh but I guess I never said that anywhere so it’s fine this time around - it’s good by me! As long as it links back to me/the original post then it’s okay~

Anon said:holy hell your art is a gift from God,,, i shall ascend to the astral realm after seeing all this,,, i have seen all i need and it was on this one blog,,,

YOU ARE!!!! TOO NICE!!!!!! OH MY GODS!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you so much ( ;v;)

Anon said:it makes me really happy that you add mina into the bakusquad pics your draw thank you!!!!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! well, it’s not like I always draw the whole squad, but when I feel strong enough to then it’d feel wrong not adding her in too! She’s part of it too, after all haha

Anon said:Im so happy your back! And you killed me with that last post. BAKUGO IS SO BEAUTIFUL! And your art is even better than before! Did I mention how beautiful Bakugo is? Love you and wish you full health mode

I’M SO HAPPY YOU LIKED HIM!!!!!!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anon said:I don't know if I'm the only one but I really love how in bnha they emphasize the fact that the kids are really just kids. Like on multiple occasions All Might and Aizawa remind themselves or others that they really are just 15 y/o kids who are trying their best to become heroes and help others. Compared to e.g. Haikyuu I feel like they don't seem like young teens like bnha characters even tho they're the same age (or even older). Good for Horikoshi to remind the readers every now and then.

You’re not the only one!! That’s one of my favorite things out of bnha and also one of the reasons why I’m such a fan of the adults of the series - not all of them, but most of the guardians have a great grasp on what they should expect out of kids and what they can ask of them and what they should instead keep them away from, which I appreciate a lot. And some of them (Aizawa, Toshinori from some point on, Bakugou’s parents, Fatgum to say some) have a great understanding of the kids they’re responsible for and make decisions based on what’s right while at the same time accomodating the kids’ aspirations and dreams, which is super amazing because it doesn’t negate the fact that even if they’re just kids they’re still people, you know? They talk to them and understand them and act as guardians without clipping their wings, you never see this sort of things in media tbh so I appreciate it a lot

Anon said:ok so I just need to get this off my chest. during the quirk apprehension test when aizawa said whoever came in last would be expelled, I think he would of actually done it. I mean he has done it before. but I think he saw potential in Izuku and that made him change his mind but I believe if it where someone else besides Izuku he would've expelled them. so I just wanna say that it was Izuku himself who made himself not be expelled not because of a bluff. and I love aizawa. the end

Yeah I’m sure that’s how it went! Well, I was about to say that maybe even if Izuku hadn’t been the last one Aizawa would have let the last one stay anyway since 1A is a pretty impressive class, but the 19th place was Mineta that time so honestly who knows. Maybe we were one step away from not having Mineta in the class and Izuku ruined it for us. Who knows. (lol)

Anon said:Ur art is so sweet and wholesome, like. Its legit. A friend of mine was following you since you were posting haikyuu and she started watching bnha when you started, and she got me into it from there by sending me your adorable fanart. "Keep an eye out for these 3!!" Then she sends me a giant stream of your BakuKiriKami art. You're great, it's ur fault that they're my # 1 ship above all. Also - have ya read the kiribaku fanfic 2AM Knows All Secrets? I feel like you'd like that one if ya havent.

Holy heck thank you!!!!!! This is such a nice ask !!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ahhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’m glad I could make both you and your friend watch bnha, and I’m even more happy I could make you ship my ot3!!!! *O* and!!! yeah I’ve read it!!!!!! It’s such a cute fic tbh~ I loved it a lot

Anon said:FRAN THE CATS ARE BACK HOW HYPED ARE YOU!!!

VERY!!!!!! I hope their game is more !!! than the Karasuno one tbh haha

Anon said:hey fran! i love how bakugou and sharkishima using sign language to communicate, and i was wondering if i could use that idea for my own mermaid au

Sure thing, I’m glad you liked the idea enough to want to do that! If you could mention where you got the insp for at the top of the fic when you post it that’d be neat~

Anon said:did you ever watch/read Ao no exorcist? its really good

I used to follow the manga! Like, a real long time ago? I think I got up to when we found out that Yukio’s a demon too and then I sorta... dropped it... cause I just... couldn’t stand Shiemi at all... sorry - my faves used to be Shima and Izumo tho!!! I used to love them so much and I still miss them so much that sometimes I seriously consider picking the manga up again just for them hahaha

[rkleedongminie]

When it rains... it pours...

tw self harm, panic disorder, self hate, child abuse mention, bullying, blood

tw child abuse self hate BACK DATED OCT 13TH  parents home - early morning 

he was skipping school and training for this. 

in retrospect, this was probably a huge mistake on his part. it’s been a month since he was last around either of his parents. two months since his father hit him, leaving him bruised for weeks. almost two months since his parents kicked him out. his mother giving him a look of pity as she told him it might be better for him not to come around. so he didn’t.

he didn’t go around. due to a mix of free for his father, and anger that his mother wouldn’t do anything for him. disappointment that she would kick him out rather than try and stop his husband. 

it’s quiet when he steps inside, he knows kyulkyung might be out on the town. and his father is supposed to be on a business trip. he always takes on this time of year, but it’s always alone. so his mother should be the only one home-- unless she’s at work. which, part of him is hoping she isn’t. part of him wants to see her. 

that part got its wish. 

“dongmin?” her soft voice, so similar to his own, comes floating from the end of the hallway by his bedroom where she just stepped out. they’re looking at each other. for the first time in almost too months. dongmin can feel all kinds of emotions floating around his head right now. 

confusion, hurt, anger, hope, love, fear

a heart beat passes and neither of them say anything. both of them waiting for the other to make a move. and dongmin doesn’t even know what he could say to her. doesn’t know what could be said from either of them to make up for the time lost. not just the last two months, but the last few years. all the time that she has ignored him, or yelled at him, or over looked his own feelings. 

“i...” she started, moving closer to him but pausing when he flinched away. a look mixed between hurt and understanding crossed her face. “i’ve been wanting to call you for a while, i just didn’t think you would want me too.” her tone help so much pain in it, and dongmin could tell she meant it. could tell she had really missed him, and that made his heart clench. he could still hear her voice the day she told him to get out. remember the lack of emotion, and how she hadn’t even hesitated. yet now she’s telling him this.

he can’t.. he can’t take this. 

without a word, he turns on his heel and leaves. 

tw panic disorder  BACKDATED OCT 18TH school building - Wednesday afternoon 

he had to leave the class. 

his thoughts were on a whirl wind right now, and have been since he left for school this morning. all he can think about is the debut casting. the boy group that sphere is going to have, the group he auditioned for with jaehyun and kibum.... the one that kibum made it onto. kibum is leaving. 

he’s so happy for his hyung. so proud of him for making it into the group. he knows that kibum deserves it and that he’s going to be really awesome in any group. sphere is super lucky to have him. so of course he supports this decision. kibum is leaving.

but it’s so weird to think that kibum isn’t going to be around anymore. he isn’t going to be there to eat lunch with. isn’t going to be there to make sure dongmin doesn’t stay late for training. isn’t going to read be forced to listen to dongmin whine about homework when he’s working during breaks. kibum is leaving me.

and he knows that this is just his mind making things hard for him. he’s aware that kibum isn’t leaving because of him... but... 

but what if he is. 

people lie. thats a thing people do often. his mother has lied all the time, to people he doesn’t know and to himself. she lied the last time they spoke. what else makes sense for that? she couldn’t be regretting kicking him out. taking the side of her husband ( because really, he can’t think of that man as a father anymore, not when he’s too fearful of the man ). people have been lying for ages. 

and it’s not like dongmin isn’t a problem child. 

he’s heard it before. people have told him that he’s annoying for crying, that he’s too heavy, that he a nerd for how much he studies. he’s been called all kinds of names, and so obviously... he just has to add burden to that. because why else would kibum leave? the sphere casting provides such a good cover. a good excuse. 

the thoughts just wont stop coming. and no matter how many times dongmin tells himself that it’s ridiculous, he can’t get them out of his head. his back presses against the cool walls of the empty classroom he took refuge in. sliding down until he was sitting on the floor with his head in his hands. silent sobs shaking his body.

he’s exhausted. emotionally, and physically. sure, he’s been telling everyone that he’s fine. he’s been putting up the front. but he hasn’t been okay since the incident with is father. he hasn’t felt like himself since then. he hates himself for this. hates how weak he is right now and that he just can’t get over it. why can’t he get over it? why is he so weak.. stop crying... stop crying.

the tears roll down his cheeks in quick succession, soaking his sleeves in the process. but no matter how many times he chants, the won’t stop. “please... i’m sorry..... i’ll be good.... i promise i’ll be good.... i’ll keep good grades... i’ll train extra hard....” his voice comes out in a broken and pained whisper, muffled in his sleeves. “please don’t leave me.... please don’t leave me alone.... im sorry.” he repeats it all over and over.. and over again. hoping that maybe something will come from it. crying until he has no more tears and is just dry sobbing into his arms. 

by the time he had himself under control again, his head was throbbing and the makeup he was using to cover his exhaustion had been rubbed off. but that’s nothing a quick stop in the bathroom can’t fix.

just have to reapply another mask. 

BACKDATED OCT 21TH  royal building - 2am 

he isn’t going home. 

it’s officially 2 hours into the first day of kibum not being a royal trainee. 

and he isn’t going home. 

tw self harm, blood  BACKDATED OCT 21TH royal building - mid afternoon 

he’s exhausted. 

even more so than he has been the last fee days. a mix of the fact he hasn’t slept yet, and that he hasn’t taken a break. no one can force him to stop either-- or... he doesn’t give them a chance to stop him. avoiding everyone as best he can, even jaehyun hyung. as much as it hurts him to avoid them ( and even though it seems like he doesn’t have to try with baekhyun, something that really hurts him ). 

he doesn’t need to see them and have them all make assumptions of his own health.

he’s fine. 

he’s fine. he’s fine. he’s fine. fine fine fine... 

during lunch, he slipped off to a bathroom, feeling his chest constricting when he dodged around jaehyun’s offer to eat together and darting away before the older male could say anything more. he can’t right now. he can’t stop moving, he can’t stop. 

the day has been going so very slowly, the first day without kibum hyung. the very thought about that makes his heart constrict painfully, and dongmin’s head is flooded with thoughts. mocking thoughts that cause tears to well in his eyes. he can’t focus on anything. 

it’s like he falls into automode. his body moving without his mind being aware of what he is doing. one moment he was all but running down the halls to an empty bathroom, the next he was silently crying on the tiled floor, clutching at his shoulder to stop the blood flow. the pain on his arm did enough to dull out the screaming in his mind.

enough so that he did it again.... and again.

he was careful with it, making sure it was just high enough that his sleeve would cover the marks at all times. he remembered hearing his parents say stuff about teenagers who harmed themselves. the negative image the had painted for dongmin. and he doesn’t want anyone else to know how far he has fallen. 

because he hasn’t.

he’s fine.

tw self harm mention, panic attack FORWARD SET NOV 1ST  home ( kibum’s apartment ) - 3:42 am

he woke up in a cold sweat. his breathing coming out in quick pants as he came down from the nightmare. eyes darting around the room as if his father would appear from the shadows. it took a moment, but he was able to get his heart rate down a little. reaching over to pick up his phone so he could check the time.

mistake. 

still open on his phone was the very cause of his nightmare. a innocent text message from his father. a simple sentence that set dongmin’s heart rate up once more, caused his breathing to pick up. a lump forming in his throat as he tried to keep back his tears. knowing he would wake up someone in the apartment if he was too loud. and thats the last thing he needed.

             [ message: you are expected to return home by the end of the month, or else ]

why. why why why. why is he messaging now? why does he want dongmin back in the house? so many questions he has that probably wont be answered. he couldn’t even bring himself to respond to the text. too afraid of what he might get back. there was no way he could move back in. no way at all. he can’t. he won’t.

it feels like something heavy is on his chest. his breathe coming in short bursts, as if he couldn’t get enough of it in his lungs. almost blindly, he gets out of bed and slides to the floor to find his backpack. his actions don’t even feel like his own.

like someone has taken control of his body and he’s only watching them from the sidelines. watching as the remove something from the pencil case in his backpack. feeling numb as his sleeve is rolled back, showing the still healing marks on his shoulder. 

feeling broken as more marks are added. 

at 4 am... when he is expected to be up soon to get ready for school.

dongmin silently cries. 

[sellidionne]

quick update on my friends

so I just reposted my key and realised that I haven't updated it in a while so heres how things have been going with them individually Mari - she lowkey annoys me now. shes just incredibly insecure so she overcompensates and acts tough to the point where its obnoxious and she's always making big deals out of nothing and acting like she knows everything about everything. typical teenage behavior. I'll go to her house occasionally but now its when her mom is going out of town and calls me to basically babysit her. when she settles down and just lets herself be herself and stops giving a fuck about the boys she's 'so in love with' and stops thinking that she has to prove how cool she is then shes sometimes pretty chill. but thats like 1 in 100 Wes - idk what the fuck is wrong with this boy but he stopped talking to me and when I asked why he was like 'oh im just being distant dont worry' and occasionally he'll call when he has something new to tell me and he sounds totally fine and happier than he did before but he sends my calls to voicemail after the second ring and doesnt answer my texts and im kinda done trying to keep this friendship going, if you dont want to talk to me then fine, fuck you Anne - we had been planning to move in together but she said that if I'm gonna be doing drugs like I do that she doesnt think we should be that close. which I would understand if I were shooting heroine or doing three lines of come every day but I only smoke weed every now and then and take a couple of pills like once every three weeks. she hangs out with other people who smoke all day and do coke every week but since I'm her 'little sister' its different. idk. I'm kinda upset about it but im also trying to be understanding because I know that she just cares. we still talk but not as often because she got a new job and I've upped my hours so yeah. but when we do talk its like nothing happened Eric - I honestly forgot who eric was for a second wow. anyway, he called me a couple of times just to talk and he seems like hes either genuinely trying to be nice as an apology or hes trying to be nice to get in my pants. idk. we interact on snapchat like once a month and thats pretty much it Jack - havent heard from him. we werent really friends anyway, just had mutual friends and talked like twice so idek hes on this list. Jasmine - I think she's really depressed. she used to interact with my social media stuff and actually say stuff back when I commented on hers but now she doesnt. if I text her its short replies, when I talk about us hanging out again its just 'ok sure' and nothing else. she posts things online that seem very sad. but when I talk to her husband (he's texted me a few times on her behalf when her phone was messed up) she's always telling him to tell me she loves me so ik shes not just mad at me. idk. I'm worried about her because I know that she isnt happy and I know that she feels alone but she doesn't respond when people reach out to her Jay - lord have mercy this is interesting. so jay and I text occasionally and have started skyping again every now and then because he's thinking of deleting his social media accounts but he wanted us to keep in touch. I didnt think anything of it, assumed that he did it with all of his friends (theres this girl that we both talk to and she told me that she sent something to him the other day so I assumed that meant they were still talking even after he left his accounts. I may add her to the key actually because we're becoming friends now and shes really cool, she says she has a crush on me lol but shes so much like me its almost scary) but apparently I'm the only person he's been talking to because he called me at 2am this morning/last night and he was really really drunk and he told me.... a lot lol. I'll elaborate in my next couple of posts