#its 1 am and i have to be up at 6....whoops

[katyawriteswhump]

the power of love, part 14

Sorry about Sunday's empty post ☹️ I must've accidentally put a draft template in my queue because I am basically tired and rubbish and life isn’t the greatest right now. Anyhow.... Whoops and really sorry again!

Alternate ending S4: Steve has a habit of surviving near death experiences then getting sick for no reason. And Eddie and those fatal bat bites? After an impossible feat of mouth-to-mouth resuscitation from Steve, he’s mysteriously fixed. So, Eddie’s back to being banished, this time with Steve and Robin in tow. Eddie’s healing, but Steve isn’t… and life gets even more confusing, when Eddie develops feelings for Steve, which aren’t entirely unrequited.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 15

(also on AO3 here and as part of my steve whump fic series)

Eddie POV

When neither Steve nor Robin show up after ten minutes, Eddie begins to freak out. 

He, Hopper and El are still waiting for the car, out of sight among some ferns. Hopper’s getting antsy, muttering beneath his breath, while Eddie’s wriggling like he’s got ants in his pants. Which he genuinely might have, though that’s not what’s bugging him:

“Uuuuh, shall I see what’s taking them so long?”

“You do that,” says Hopper. “What’s going on with that guy? He could barely stand! How the hell could he…”

Eddie tunes out, retracing their journey into the trees, calling Robin’s name then Steve’s. Maybe Steve passed out, and Robin got lost searching? Somehow, he doesn’t buy it. A heaviness slows his feet, and his guts twist sourly. 

They wouldn’t just ditch him. Surely? Surely!?! 

Fifteen minutes later, he winds up where he started: “They’re not back?” 

“What do you reckon?” Hopper’s breathing hard and red in the face. Evidently, he’s been running in circles like Eddie has.

“This is for you.” El nudges Eddie and presses a scrap of paper into his hand. “I think Steve left it.”

“What? Where?” Eddie’s stomach clamps tight again. 

Her eyes stretch very wide. “Fell out of your pack.”

Turning the note over in his hands, his fingers stiffen, as if shrinking from the task, bracing for… something. In the event, he gets a literal slap around the face.

“You make me sick,” Steve wrote.

Eddie’s skin burns with the blow. Wow! This is why I never have and never freakin’ will write love songs.

“What does he say?” demands Hopper.

Eddie scans the note one more time, scrunches it in his fist. “I’d hazard a guess he’s gone back to Hawkins.”

“Goddammit! Robin’s gone with him?”

“I think that’s a safe bet.” A wobble in the back of Eddie’s throat finds its way into his voice. Because, boy, is he still processing.

You make me sick. 

What does that even mean? To be fair, Eddie did make Steve sick. More than once. But why the heck write… that. Would suck less to be dumped without a word. 

Thanks for the overkill, man.

“Don’t you even think about scooting off,” growls Hopper. “Your uncle would never forgive me.” 

Oh yeah. Wayne. The only person who ever actually cared about him.

Eddie plonks his butt down on the ground and waits for the car.

…

Steve POV

“C’mon, giddy up,” says Steve. He and Robin make their way along the muddy bank of the stream towards home.

“Is this some kind of race?” she asks. “While I’d forgotten your former life as a douchebag jock, you’re doing a stunning job of reminding me, and… Uuuuugh!” 

“Jesus Christ, what’s wrong this time?” He spirals about, plants his hands on his hips—he’d ditched the sling a while ago. 

She scrubs madly at her lips. “I swallowed a bug! Ugh, ugh, ugh, mega-gross. Eeeeurgh!”

“Maybe if you weren’t complaining, like, constantly, there’d be less opportunities for bugs to get in.” 

“You shut up, shit-bird! I could die of malaria.” She spits into the stream. “Ew! EEEEEEEW!” 

“Ssssh! Hop said the military will be crawling everywhere soon, or—”

“Eddie might hear?” His heart heaves a loaded thud. She looks back sharply, purses her lips. “You know, he could be lost in the wilderness, all alone. Being hunted by evil army thugs. Or bears! Did you think of that when you sauntered off?”

“I did, yeah. I left him a message saying not to follow.” He shades his face from the afternoon sunlight, which shafts between the trees. Also, he can’t look her straight on and say this: “It was kinda brutal, I guess. It was for his own good, right?”

“Oh. Riiiight.”

“You done spewing insects?” he snaps.

“Still heavily grossed-out here. Gimme a minute, ’kay?” She plonks herself on a rock, crumpling forward.

He mops his brow, strips his sweater, and takes the opportunity to check in on his bat bites. They’re still sore, the bandages a bit bloody. Nothing too fresh, though. For the billionth time, his thoughts fly back to Eddie. He hopes Eddie doesn’t get hurt and need healing while they’re apart, and… Holy shit, will he ever see him again? He ties his sweater around his hips, trying to make fumbling hands look casual.

“Steve? You okay?”

“Other than the fact I’m modelling a ‘shoot-me-now-why don’t-you?’ Hellfire Club t-shirt,”—and that I want to punch myself in the face about that moronic note—“I’m good, Robin.”

“You know what? I don’t doubt it.” She brushes her flyaway hair from suspicious eyes. “You’ve gone from death’s door to super-human speed in, oh, I don’t know—feels to me that we’ve been marching for a week. I think it’s been barely an hour.”

“Yeah? We got a long way to go then.” He starts off along the stream’s edge, forcibly slowing his pace. He senses her puffing, panting, then following on his heels.

“Look, Steve, this water goddess who’s pulling you back, whispering in your ear—”

“I can’t actually tell if they’re male or female. Does that matter?”

“Not in the slightest. So, your water… deity. Have they, by any chance, enlightened you as to some kind of divine plan? Or told you exactly where you’re heading?” 

“I got an idea where I’m going, yeah.” To the second place he died, swept away on that blood-red tide—even now, he sees it in his head, like a few frames of a horror VHS stuck on eternal repeat. “Where’s the best place for army generals with dodgy agendas to hang out in Hawkins? There’s never been an army base, apart from—”

“You’re kidding me?” She grabs his elbow, jerking him back. “The Soviet tunnels?” He nods, and her obvious dread has her dropping him like a stone. “No way! I don’t think I can go anywhere near without a major panic attack."

“I’m not gonna march straight in.” He’s already wandering on. Trouble is, now he’s said the idea out loud, it’s become real and terrible. And he’s gotta pretend like his blood’s not congealing to ice. “I don’t know how I’m gonna get in anyhow. I mean, the Starcourt lift is buried under a ton of rubble. I think Hop might’ve know other ways—”

“Oooh, I got a great idea. Let’s go back and ask him.”

“Yeah, real subtle.”

“Steve!” She seizes him again, twisting him around with a furious force. “I know you want to help El, but what can you ACTUALLY DO?” He shrugs before he can stop himself. “Rain? Lightning? How does that benefit us—especially in underground tunnels? Plus you’ve had literally zero time for practice. If we don’t slow down and come up with a decent plan, this is tantamount to suicide.”

“We? Seriously, Robin, I…” His teeth clamp his lower lip. Any moment now, he’ll tell her how terrified he is, how he really, really doesn’t want to get tortured again, let alone die; how the idea of anything bad happening to her is as frightening as any of it. “I don’t think I have much choice.”

“Steve,” she says, gentler now, though her grip gouges into his flesh. “It’s screamingly obvious you’re not thinking straight. You’ve been ill for days and now you’re in a funk, beating yourself up over Eddie.”

He yanks himself free, glares. “That doesn’t make any dif—"

“Bullshit! Trust me, however ‘mean boy’ your literary masterpiece got, Eddie won’t want you to do anything this dumb. Oh, and your resident gender-fluid angel saved your life. They’re not gonna want you to sacrifice it pointlessly.”

He opens his mouth to argue, then shuts it again. He laughs—not a particularly happy laugh, but not totally miserable either. “You win,” he says, kinda sagging with relief. “You got a plan, smarty-pants?”

She laughs with him, equally edgy. “I say we go to Lover’s Lake, wait till it’s dark. If that’s too dangerous, we find some hidden pool where you can practise whatever badass moves you think you got. Hopefully without the puking. It’ll be a bit like Band Camp. But for Magic. Magic Camp. Okay?”

“You really aren’t gonna be happy until I’m a bigger nerd that any of… Shit!” 

He’s been considering hugging her. Instead, he seizes her sleeve, dragging her down into a deep, wet gully. They land with a splash, crouching low, close. She doesn’t complain, because she’s heard what he has.

The distant sound of barking dogs. Likely, army search dogs.

“Dog barks travel for miles, huh?” he whispers.

“Possibly.” She sucks in a scared breath. “One thing for sure—those sniffy wet snouts can pick up a human scent from the next county.”

“We’re in a stream, Robin. They can’t pick up our scent here, right?”

She crinkles her nose, dubious. “Dogs’ sense of smell is pretty amazing.”

“Yeah? Let’s hope this bunch caught colds or something.” 

He’s now the one clutching her way too tight, and he half-wishes he’d ditched her with a bitchy note too. Though, not quite. She smart; he needs her, and she’s really has gotten him thinking clearer: 

“We head for Lover’s Lake. C’mon.”

…

Eddie POV

When the sound of the car engine finally reaches his hearing, Eddie feels almost nothing.

“Don’t move.” Hopper pitches Eddie a forbidding look and grabs El, keeping them low behind the ferns. 

An owl hoots. Despite the hollowness in his chest, Eddie silently cracks up. Seriously? Top secret government goons can’t think of a better signal than me and Robin? 

Hopper’s grip slides to the firearm at his side. He rises slowly. “Over here.”

Peeping between the foliage, Eddie can make out a limo-style saloon with blacked-out windows. A severe-faced woman in lethal stilettos climbs out. “Chief Hopper, I presume? I apologise for the delay. O’Sullivan’s got men everywhere. We must leave right away.”

Hopper, nevertheless, remains stood well off the road with Eleven, not rushing for the car. And Eddie? 

You make me sick.

Steve’s made it simple for him. He should cut his losses and take this chance of escape. Wayne would want him to. Apart from… Eddie literally can’t. What was it that Steve said? Oh yeah. That he was being stretched in the wrong direction. Or something along those lines.

Yeah, I’m feelin’ it, Stevie. 

Nothing supernatural, nothing hinky. You kill me that bad, Babe—even after you turned meanie-King-Steve and dumped me. Oh, and went back to goddamn Mordor without me! 

Gonna trust you had your reasons, and I’m coming anyway.

He turns on his dirt-clotted heels and flees as fast as he can.

Part 15

...

tags: @estrellami-1 @kal-ology @finntheehumaneater (thank you, thank you, thank you!) If anybody else would like to be tagged on this fic or any of my writing, please let me know :) Reblogs, comments and likes also very much appreciated :) Thank you for reading so far :)

(also part of my steve whump fic series on AO3)

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 15

[itsgrimeytime]

Magnolia in May (Part Seven) || Rick Grimes (TWD) x Greene!f!reader Regency AU

Part 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6...

Taglist: @loliakeoghan23 @belaballs

AVAILABLE ON AO3

Inspiration (in honor of Speak Now Taylor's Version): Enchanted by Taylor Swift.

Summary: Your town was small, not the smallest you knew, but anyone of high fortune was the gossip of the week. Predictably, Richard Grimes was a thing of whispers -rumors of a search for marriage among the grassy hills. You weren't one to buy into town gossip, but something about him... just seemed a little too intriguing.

TWS: kinda anti-Lori, misunderstandings, a marriage of convenience, and mentions of loneliness.

[[A/N: girllllll, not another Magnolia in May chapter!!! Whoops. And actually tagging bestie @imaginemyfavoritefics properly this time, bc I did use the idea of Daryl as the courier. Unrelated but this gif of him clenching his jaw... girl. Thanks for reading !! ]]

You'd taken to writing letters -the gentle swish of your quill was calming the storm of your mind. Originally, you had garnered a sort of cold from the walk in the rain and had to heal -now, you'd stayed holed up of your own accord.

'Nonsense, darling,' Headmistress had said, fluffing up your pillows, '-you must heal from a broken heart like any other wound.'

It was fewer letters and more of a sort of journal -only for your eyes to see but sometimes addressed to someone other than yourself. It started simply with one occasionally to Maggie to make her smile, or Beth to tell her things you'd learned so she wouldn't have to, or to remind Father to eat a meal when he'd been so focused on a patient that he'd neglect himself. But then, Mr. Grimes started appearing at the header.

You couldn't remember the first time it had happened, days rather blurred after that day -especially since you were treated shortly after. And rest was all you'd really gotten then, it made the passage of time blurry.

But it became something you were rather dependent on.

'Mr. Grimes,' you wrote in the first of its kind, quill rather fluid at this stage.

'I met your wife, Lori. She's a wonderful woman, kind and perfectly poised. I would, in a different life, maybe be friends with her -seems the type to be good company. Was it always her?

You've got something special, a family with beautiful children. It's every man's dream, is it not? You were my dream. I find it a bit hard to believe she would leave that dream behind. For what is more powerful than one's love for their child? I suppose there were other circumstances that I shall never be aware of. I would've liked to have known why. I understand it's a rather personal thing, but I should be urged to hear something of the full story. I might deserve it.

But I suppose you deserve a full family more. Carl and Judith do. I wouldn't fit in. I would love the best for them, despite not having known Carl, he seems a bright boy. Deserves much of the best in life, I'd garner all children do.

I often wonder if I am to have children. I suppose I could ask you for advice one day, if so. But there's something in me that speaks differently. Like that path with you is gone. Maybe I should run off to the city and write away, become focused on my education. Pay for my father's living, and house my sister's 'til they're wed.

I don't think I could, with good conscience, leave Alexandria. I'm far too fond of the people the town, its where I grew up. And I suppose, to keep my father's clinic running under the family name I may marry. I'm not too sure that I'd marry for love, per say. Can you begin the fall in love more than once? Is it possible? And furthermore, although it is something I wish for, I'm not sure that I would like to bring children into a loveless marriage.

This is getting far too detailed of my own troubles, and for that I apologize.

I truly wish your family well. Even if there's no room for me.

Yours Sincerely,

Y/N Greene'

It was a positive experience, mostly. The smearing on that letter particularly wasn't of cathartic tears. Not quite a release of the emotions dying so tightly within your soul, it was rather grief. Loss of a life that you'd never have. Despite it being the one you desperately wanted.

You sighed, stashing away the paper with the other ones -the second desk drawer to the right, under the math textbook that had been gathering dust even before you were born.

Sure, it messed your hands, but you found it was a small price to be paid for secrecy.

"Y/N, dearest," your Headmistress hummed -voice pounding up the stairs, "-get dressed and meet me at the door in 10, will you?"

"Yes, Headmistress," you echoed, off to your feet and only touching up ever-so-slightly by the mirror. And in your rush, maybe you had forgotten to shut the drawer -you couldn't know now. It stayed open, and the telling corner of dustless papers under a dusty book was certainly one to ponder over.

At least for someone, it was.

You wouldn't know what had occurred until a few weeks later, as you sorted out your joint closet with Maggie. Gathering bows and ribbons, and straightening dresses, was a wonderful way to pass time -since your newest book was seeming to be tucked away in the carriage. You truly could not find it anywhere-

And then, there was a knock at the door.

Now, normally, this was of no notice -either for Maggie (who had gone on frequent outings with Mr. Rhee since the ball) or Father (ranging anywhere from an old friend to an urgent patient). But this was one to put a pause in your mind.

Maggie was, in fact, out -you remembered the shimmer of the carriage as it pulled away, and Father was rushed off for an emergency. And even further, Headmistress and Beth had gone out to a sort of gathering -some sort of tea party, you'd assumed. (They'd invited you, but you'd truly not wished to hear the gossip. Especially not now.)

You stilled, you were alone here then.

Well, you considered -making your way down the steps, -could be a sort of delivery. Ms. Elisa did frequently speak with friends out of town -often through letters. And Father always had an extra copy of cases delivered to his home -so he could think properly on an issue.

Satisfied with that, you approached the door with newfound confidence -fear that had stubbornly stuck there was unfounded. You twisted a bit of fabric in your dress, just to do something with your hands before swinging open the door.

And, it was a familiar face. Not one you had a name to, but one you knew -the courier.

"Ms. Greene," he spoke, his voice gruff and tired, much less peppy than you'd seen him before, "-I assume?"

"Yes," you answered cautiously, "-I'm the eldest Ms. Greene, why? If you're looking for Maggie-"

"No," he answered, simply, long hair moving with the motion of his head, "-Mr. Grimes requested this be given to you, the eldest."

"I can't acce-" you started but fell shut as a letter was extended to you -two letters. One a familiar sort of coffee-tinged brown -paper old and weary, you could hardly believe the quill hadn't punctured right through really. And the other, neatly folded, a pristine sort of ivory, and dark ink that somehow didn't seem to smudge at all. On the side that was exposed to you was written: Ms. Y/N Greene, in handwriting you recognized.

The one that had scribbled across the invitation so long ago-

"Who are you?" you questioned -eagerly bringing the letters close to your chest, "-And how did you get my letter? Have you been in my home-"

"Ms. Greene," he spoke -composed and calm, unmoved by your pressing questions, "-they were presented to me to mail weeks ago."

You froze, something heavy dropping in your stomach, "They? How... How many letters were you given to post?"

"A stack, no more than 10," he responded, "-the youngest Ms. Greene, opened the door for me once to deliver an invitation. The same one I 'ave been for weeks- It ain't relevant, really. She knew where I came from, and requested I bring 'em to Mr. Grimes immediately."

You paused, "An invitation?"

"More like a summonin'," he clarified, rather poised but still somewhat a bit casual, "-it's always the same request for you, the eldest, to attend to the Grimes estate."

"What?"

He paused, "It's supposed to be brought to ya, upon retrieval but... I'd guess it hasn't."

"You've-" you exhaled -a deep uncertain exhale, "-Just how long have you been delivering these?"

"Lost count."

"And-" you stuttered, a bit overwhelmed, "-and the letters, my letters they-"

"I put 'em in his hand, myself," he spoke -an ordered sort of discipline heavy in his tone with a dose of familiar twang.

"Right," you swallowed -pushing down the nerves biting up your throat at such rampant pace, he was never to see those, "-and who are you exactly?"

"Grimes estate courier," he grumbled out, a some of bitterness gathered there.

"No, no," you quirked a brow at him, "-your name? I figured as much otherwise."

He answered, rather improperly -as if he was trained in some ways and ignorant in others just slightly, "-Daryl Dixon."

"Mr. Dixon," you echoed, a sort of curiosity in your tone, "-you said he received the full stack, did he not?"

He merely nodded.

"Well, why do I only have one, then?"

The man pondered it for a second, loosely eyeing the way you held the letters like he knew what they contained (maybe he did), "I suppose he ain't done replyin' to the others."

The rest of the interaction was fairly polite, mere questions about his work -to which he complained quite vividly about the extent of it, but never shred a wrong light on Mr. Grimes. You'd gathered they were well-acquainted, even perhaps friends from youth, but you couldn't exactly pinpoint it. He didn't say anything directly, and was rather quiet around details. Well, details pertaining to Mr. Grimes, you supposed.

You'd initially wanted to search for the invitations he spoke of, but something bigger was biting you.

Your hands were quick to rush to the drawer, pulling it open -to suddenly believe it was not real. To prove that all of this was a farce, that the letters were still safely kept. But, when you opened it, you could tell.

Even still, you pushed forward holding up the book, peering underneath. It was empty, extraordinarily empty.

"No, no, no-" you urged, heart sinking to the bottom of your stomach -heavy, "-it can't be..."

Private pieces of you, of your sadness, your longing- Sent to the married man of the header.

And just back as you pushed back in your chair, the brush of tears only a breath away -your eyes caught on the letter.

It was not yours.

Yours sat just beside it, you recognized it to be the first one -all sort of crumpled and agonizingly smudged. All conflicted feelings and harsh realities buzzing under your skin. You'd written it partially under the delirium of your illness, so it was rather brash but you'd never thought you'd need to worry about it. The only thing different was how it was presented.

You remember hastily shoving it away, between book covers, under table legs, hidden in the dirt of the garden, as you tried to find a good place to stash them. You'd always been so quick to put them away, to get out the feelings and move on-

Looking at it now, though, the worn paper was smoothed out (to the best it could be) and perfectly folded. Each corner matched to another and creases were indented lightly so as to not damage the written word. It was treated as precious. Something... Something he'd rather cared for.

Something told you then to get rid of it, to throw it onto the fire when no one was looking, to stash it away, to never read it no matter the cost because you were doing the right thing and should not be swayed-

But another part of you was dreadfully curious. And dreadfully grieving the loss of a man who still lived.

It was your mail, a letter addressed to you. Wouldn't it be rather rude to not read it? If you hadn't wished the first one to be mailed, you retorted, then no.

And yet, you found yourself picking up the note with the gentlest of graces. Carefully unfolding the thick paper, slowly, timidly, like the words would jump off the page. Like they could hurt you.

You supposed they could.

Once fully opened, you didn't directly focus on the words -instead, detailing the printed bits around the top edges. It looked as though this was an official sort of paper -the same kind an invitation may be extended to. As well as a family seal printed into the bottom right corner, it seemed a little formal for the occasion but you found it didn't bother you. Not really.

Taking a deep breath, you blinked your eyes -wishing to calm your heart, even just for a moment, and started reading.

'Ms. Greene,' it started, letters crisply written in a thin but precise sort of writing. Your finger naturally went to trace over them, dotting the i's and swirling the g's.

'I must first say that it's to my understanding that these letters are rather personal to you. You weren't the one who intended to mail them, I've come to know. I know that this then, by proxy, is a large invasion of your privacy.

And I can only hope you forgive me for such a thing. Because this is my sort of last resort to reach you. I'm sure you're familiar with the invitations that have flooded your door, and although, I understand the no response for what you know, I've become quite desperate.

To be completely clear, I was nearly on my horse to your home the morning these letters arrived. To explain everything as you deserve it to be explained.

I instead am here, writing letters. I cannot tell if that's any sort of better than my original plan was but it is the decision I chose.

In terms of Lori, the situation is rather complicated. Surely, at the young age we married, she was the plan. I'd honestly not given thought to the fact that she'd ever come back. I knew her reasons, and I fully doubted I'd ever see her again. And out of respect for you, I wish for the full story to be in person.

Despite all that, I truly wished she would. I know I did. If not only to see our children, to grace me with some sort of company.

I lived a rather lonely life before you Ms. Greene. Which may seem a bit arbitrary coming from a man with a staff, but it doesn't make it any less the truth. When she left, it was quite the scandal. I never spoke a word on it, too devastated to even imagine what to say. It meant much more reclusion, even from friends I knew from youth. And then, as I'm sure you're familiar, I decided to move back to Alexandria. Atlanta only harbored negative things, and I wished for someplace more pleasant. And it was, but still despite it all, the loneliness persisted.

So this family, this full family, you speak of, it's not what Lori and I would be. It wasn't what we were when we were married. I love my children, beyond belief, but I was still lonely. And I can't imagine a full family has a lonely father.

Frankly, Ms. Greene, I was lonely until that day in the marketplace.

And on the off chance you don't understand what I mean, I ask, from the depths of my heart, don't leave Alexandria.

Yours,

Richard Grimes'

[probssomethingorother]

🚨 NEW CHAPTER! 🚨

I said I was going to turn this out and I did! Whoop whoop. Unfortunately, I have done barely any review on it so good luck folks. Will go back and make fixes soon. Feel free to call out anything glaring/jarring. @eedsknees gave me the idea to include (SPOILER) some nightmare content, so they are lowkey responsible for jump starting the writing process on this one.

Back & Forth: a the last of us fic

post-episode 8 Silver Lake hurt/comfort

Ellie & Joel, both riding the struggle bus, canon compliant

Rating: Mature for dark themes, nothing more than the show

It was Joel who stumbled first. He had felt the strength seeping out of him with every step so viscerally it was like his body was a container with a slow leak. His gate would falter and his hand would slip further down her shoulder, power waning. He would cough in his throat and blink forcefully trying to reignite the spark of energy that had carried him to Ellie just hours ago, but it was all a losing battle. And eventually, he lost it. It was Ellie who moved first after that.

chp 1 | chp 2 | chp 3 | chp 4 | chp 5 | chp 6 | chp 7 | chp 8 / chp 8 |

chp 9 !!! YAY !!

read on Ao3 with the link above or below the cut, and remember comment where you can! <3

Chapter 9: (warning not proof read, will do that in the AM)

A lifetime ago, he was warned that raising a teenager - a teen girl at that - was going to be one of the hardest things he was going to live through. Joel had just started into the moody teenage years with Sarah before he lost her, they had their small arguments here and there, but really hadn’t quite hit that point where she was talking back, slamming doors, walking away, or giving him the silent treatment. Still, he had done all the mental preparation for the day his teenage girl would suddenly start putting him to the test, but he never thought in a million years that the teenage girl doing it was not going to be his Sarah. No, it was Ellie. 

Ellie, who had gone from pouting in silence on the couch to fitfully falling back asleep. From his spot a few feet away, Joel had first thought she was muttering under her breath, talking through something and trying to vent her frustrations, but then he noticed the way her body rose and sank rhythmically.  Still turned away from him, he couldn’t see her face to confirm, but after countless nights of looking over her while he took watch, he knew her breathing patterns like a parent knowing their child’s distinct cries. 

She was asleep, and deeply; unfortunately, it just wasn’t peacefully. 

For a long few minutes, Joel waited in the wingback chair, knee bouncing as he debated how long to let the restlessness go on before intervening. Hunched over with his arms on his knees, he wrung out his hands as he watched each one of her breaths and acutely listened in for what was slipping from her mouth, even turning his head so his good ear pointed more in her direction. 

Over the months together he had seen her have a few occasionally, but he had never woken her, and eventually, she did always settle. But now, this just felt different. She had been struggling in her waking hours, it seemed cruel to also let her suffer in her sleep.

“I’m not…don’t,” she softly muttered. The words were more distinct than much of the rest that had been coming from her, and the sense of desperation behind them was painfully evident.

Sighing, Joel stood up with a groan and silently moved closer to her. The blankets were still tightly wrapped around her, constricting her movements to small twitches of her body, clearly unable to manage anything more against the weighty fabric. Her hair splayed across the cushion and fell down her back, which just made Joel realize it now was fully out of its normal ponytail, elastic lost somewhere - maybe forever. In the soft light of the fire, her hair looked almost golden. However, it also meant its tangles and mats were highlighted, strands clumped and bunched in weird spots. 

“No….stop…no,” Ellie cried out again, still a soft and breathy slew of words, her body twitching again before settling. 

For a moment, it actually looked like she might be calming for good, heavy breaths petering out for a second; so Joel hesitated before making any further moves, hand lingering just above her shoulder. From above, he could now see more of her face. It was contorted with a tightness, brows pushed together and jaw clenched. It looked like she was trying to turn it more into the cushion, hide it away from something, but she could only push in so much into the fabric without smothering herself - even her unconscious body seemed to know that. 

Wherever she was, or whatever she was seeing, in her head, couldn’t be anything good. 

Suddenly, Ellie’s breathing hitched, a whimper escaping her lips, her eyes fluttering beneath her lids as she relived whatever terror she was experiencing. “Please…,” she whispered. 

The sounds tore at Joel's heart. 

Enough was enough. 

Taking a deep breath, he gently placed a hand on her shoulder, trying to shake her awake, “Hey…hey, Ellie. Wake up,” he murmured, voice thick with concern.

But his soft murmurs only seemed to increase her unease. Her breathing grew more rapid, each exhale punctuated by a soft whimper of distress. 

"Ellie.." Joel tried again, placing more pressure on her shoulder to tip her onto her back. Her body complied, and she was now supine, but that also only seemed to make things worse for her.  The whimpers started to get caught in her throat, her face screwing up like she was about to cry. 

"Kiddo, time to wake up," Joel said, a little more sternly as he brought a gentle hand to the top of her head in a small gesture of comfort. It was an old instinct, something he used to do for Sarah when she was too afraid to sleep- gently caressing the top of her head, brushing back her beautiful curls to lull her down. (He later learned she should be in a bonnet when she slept, hair tucked away, but oh well). 

He brushed back some of Ellie’s hair too, trying not to get distracted by how utterly dirty it was,  bits sticking together by something, making it feel almost crunchy. 

“Ple….don’t….that’s…you’re hurting mmm….” 

She sounded like she was talking to someone now, and just being in proximity to it made Joel riddled with guilt as if he was the one it was directed at. With another soft sigh, Joel’s hand trailed down her head, past her shoulder, and onto her arm, giving it a squeeze. The move was a bad choice. 

Ellie's body immediately jerked away from him, eyes shooting open in terror, as her arm flung out in a wild, blind attempt to get the touch off her. 

Her hand connected solidly with the most vulnerable part of Joel- her loose fist hitting his barely stitched-together stab wound, dead center.

Ellie’s hand was tiny, but even so, it fucking hurt so bad. Time seemed to freeze, the sheer intensity of the pain anchoring Joel in agonizing stillness before the sensation hit him in full, like a tidal wave. He saw stars, the bright flecks dancing in front of his eyes as every nerve in his body screamed in agony. It felt like a thousand needles were being driven into his side, radiating outwards in a hot, searing wave of pinpricks that washed through his body from head to toe. 

He stumbled back with an unstable step, knocking into the edge of the coffee table before trying to catch himself, only for his legs to do the opposite and give out beneath him. He crumpled to the floor with a deep pained groan, voice ragged and raw, landing with a thump. 

For a very long moment, the world seemed distant, muffled, as if he was underwater as he sat still on the floor, hands not even able to clutch at the spot, just ghosting above it. For that same very long moment, Ellie’s eyes stayed fixed wide, now with a different form of terror as she came to terms with what she had just done. Both rattled by the sudden change of events, everything became eerily still between them as the room turned scarily quiet.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, played on repeat in Ellie’s head, until finally she was was scrambling to sit up, blankets tangling around her, restricting her movements. With a frustrated groan, she yanked and kicked them away, tossing them angrily aside as she popped off the couch, desperate to check on Joel. 

She almost tripped and fell down too, feet getting caught up in the pile of discarded fabric on the floor. The stumble became a somewhat coordinated descent, and she dropped to her knees at his side. 

”Oh God, Fuck, fuck, Joel?,” Ellie stammered, her voice laden with guilt. She knelt anxiously beside him, hands hovering, unsure of where to touch, or how to help. His eyes were squinted, brow furrowed, beads of sweat already forming on his forehead. He looked as he did when she first put him on that dingy mattress in the basement, just constipated with pain. It made her want to vomit knowing she was now the one to cause it this time. 

Still filled with lingering anxiety from her nightmares, Ellie’s body was cracking under all the emotion, tears pricking at her waterline. She fluttered her eyes quickly, trying to get it to stop, but the longer she stared down at Joel the more she felt the tears threaten to spill over. 

“Joel? Dude..what- tell me what I can do,” she stumbled out desperately. 

Joel could barely register her voice much less what she was saying. A ringing in his ears was now taking over making everything just seem a bit staticky. His eyes wandered around the ceiling for a second before screwing shut, trying to stave off an incoming wave of dizziness. 

He couldn’t understand why it hurt so bad, why a hit less than a punch had literally knocked him on his ass. 

God fuck if she was able to do this, how was he going to defend them against anything if something did happen?

He groaned then, but from the thought of his inability not the pain. The pain was on a level that far surpassed groans. 

“Okay..okay just,” Ellie began, taking his shaky hovering hands and moving them away, “let me look. I’m sorry.. sorry.. sorry,” she finished, biting at her lip as she slowly tried to raise his shirt to see the damage she had caused. 

But Joel wasn’t going to let her feel bad for this. Certainly wasn’t going to allow her to make it her responsibility to fix him again. Absolutely not.  

Despite the waves of pain that threatened to overwhelm him, Joel managed to open his eyes. Through the haze, he saw Ellie's panicked face, her deep brown eyes wide with fear. 

She had barely gotten his shirt up, it sticking to him with dried blood. "S'okay," he rasped, bringing a hand up to push down the fabric and stop her before she could get much further. "Don’t," slipped out, although he had been going for “don’t worry.” 

Ellie stopped moving, but didn’t release the grip on his shirt, worried now that anything she would do would just make it worse. “I- okay - just what - how? What do you need?” 

Realizing his poor attempt at speaking before had only made her more anxious, Joel didn’t rush into replying this time. He took a long breath in and out, controlled through his mouth. It made his stomach produce a deep pain when his diaphragm filled and released the air, chest cavity rising and deflating. He pushed his head further back into the cold ground, trying to focus on a different sort of feeling than something beside his side.

“Just gimme…a second.” He pushed out, words complete and mostly steady this time. 

Ellie bit her lip, regret evident in her eyes. Releasing his shirt, and with a deep exhale she sat back on her heels, giving Joel space but still close enough to assist him if he needed. 

She couldn’t believe she had fucking hurt him. He was still fucking fragile and she really could have done some damage - she knew it. It wasn’t like she had given him world-class first aid in the first place. 

“Did I get your stitches?” She asked with apprehension. They were probably so fucked.

“Ellie.” Her name reverberated through the sparsely furnished room, the sound trailing out shakily from a  Joel. He might as well have just said, “shut up,” because somehow that’s what it sounded like to Ellie’s ears.  

Silence started and dragged on then for several moments as they both waited for Joel’s pain began to recede, neither moving much at all. Every so often there was a small sniffle as Ellie tried to bite back tears. 

Joel's voice, rough and filled with exhaustion, broke the monotony. 

“Already feeling better,” he offered, after the third sniffle. Ellie had been trying to hide being on the brink of crying, but there wasn’t much space between them for things to be going unheard. 

With a roll of her eyes and a huff, she wiped at them with the back of her hands.

“I don’t even know why I’m crying…I’m not a fricken crybaby,” she mumbled, clearly frustrated with herself. Joel hummed in agreement as he began to reposition himself, more focused on not causing himself any more pain than producing a reply to her. 

“Are you sure you’re okay? Cause you don’t look okay…” Ellie pushed anxiously, trying to get the focus back on him. 

“I’m fine. Just caught me off guard is all.”

They both knew that was a bit of an oversimplification and by the look on Ellie’s face, she wasn’t too happy with his attempt to brush this under the carpet.

"It wasn't your fault," Joel murmured, pushing himself to a sitting position with a wince. Every movement he made seemed to be a battle, a very annoying struggle against the pain that radiated from his side. "You were just reacting... to something else…. probably my fault anyhow.” 

Joel's eyes inadvertently flicked down to Ellie's bare thighs, the blue-black hues of bruises evident even in the dim light, as she knelt next to him. He had noticed them earlier, but the immediate crisis then had pushed the thoughts to the back of his mind. Now, they came flooding back, mind zoning out as his gaze lingered on the red flags that marred her body.

She had been reacting to something else. 

“I said don’t touch me motherfucker!”

Broken pants. 

“Don’t do it, please don’t do it.”

Scratches on her waistline. 

“you’re hurting-”

Begging, even in her sleep.

“Please don’t.”

"Quit staring," Ellie muttered with a hint of bitterness. Drawn from spiraling thoughts, Joel’s eye flicked back up to hers, filled with a genuine concern, and a bit of remorse. 

"I wasn’t—“ 

“You were," she cut him off, her voice filled turning to something else, a mix of exhaustion and defiance as she pulled down her sweatshirt the best she could to cover her thighs. It barely did a thing.  

”Let me see your side," she said, moving toward his shirt once more. He held out a hand, stopping her.

He wasn’t going to let her keep avoiding this. 

“Tit for tat - you wanna check on me, I wanna check on you,” Joel rasped, his voice carrying an edge of firmness, making it clear that this was really non-negotiable even if presenting it as such. 

Ellie’s jaw clenched. “I’m fine,” she said sternly. 

“You ain’t,” he countered, eyes again flicking down to her legs, purposefully this time, brows raised before he came back to meet her eyes. They were as terse as he’d ever seen. 

They darted away from his view as she muttered, "It's nothing,” her voice low, but Joel caught the slight tremor in it. 

“It ain’t 'nothing'," he pressed firmly. 

With an irritated exhale, Ellie rose as her eyes rolled. She stared down at him for a long moment before shooting her hand out for him to grab. 

Joel looked at it, and then at her, and then back to it. He hadn’t really anticipated getting up this soon, but he wasn’t going to deny the hand she was extending, metaphorical or physical. He hoped that despite the anger her face showed, the gesture was as much about reconciliation as it was assistance. 

Of course, he wouldn’t be so lucky. 

With more force than he thought she capable, Ellie helped him move to stand, pulling him vertically and giving him a tight grip to sink into it. She didn’t say a word about the heavy groan that ripped through his body during it all or the way his strong grasp made the cut on the side of her hand burn. She turned away her head from his as he made his way up, not wanting to meet his gaze, and not wanting him to see the way she was making her own body ache with the effort of supporting him. Head drooping toward the floor, she stayed by his side for a moment as he panted through the residual pain, bent at the waist just slightly his free hand on his hip. When he seemed steady enough, Ellie slipped her hand from his, giving it a little shake to rid the irritation in her fingers from his clenched hold. 

Marching back to the couch, she aggressively snatched the blankets off the ground and plopped herself onto the worn cushions with a glare and a huff, deliberately positioning the university quilts over her legs to hide it all away.  

“Fuck you,” she spat stoically as her body hunched down, arms crossing over her chest. 

It had flipped so easily inside her, the switch back to anger and frustration, that it was almost catching her own self off guard. Her stomach felt like it was hanging low, her muscles were all tense, her throat was aching to scream, and her body desperately just felt like picking up the closest thing and heaving it across the room. 

She bit the impulse back, stifled down the brewing aggression and frustration - but just barely. 

The last time she let herself get swept up in the same feelings a man’s head became sludge on the carpet. Ellie knew she wouldn’t do that to Joel - ever - but she also didn’t want to go anywhere near the emotions that she knew could fuel that sort of thing.

But, that was much harder said than done. And right now, her mind and heart were at odds, unsure of which was actually in control, but either way, one was telling her to make Joel hurt. To make him sad and angry. To make him feel the way she was suddenly starting to again. 

“You took off my pants.” 

The regret was immediate as she spat the words out with venom, but there was also a sweet satisfaction that came afterward, when the words hung heavy in the air, when the look on his face told her she had it - that soft spot inside of him, that protector persona - easily crushed. 

“Ellie..” 

She shouldn’t be doing this, not to him, none of this was his fault, but for some reason, she couldn’t make herself stop. 

“You wouldn’t’ve even known… I never said you could do that, ” she muttered, eyes narrowing.

The color drained from Joel’s face, and for a moment he looked as if he was about to topple over again.  He sucked in a long breath, a deep feeling of culpability settling in his heart. It was almost more painful than Ellie’s hand connecting with his wound just moments before - actually, he might prefer round two of that now, then this, or whatever this was shaping up to be. 

He knew what he did, knew it had been necessary, but it made him feel dirty all the same. She didn’t have to do much to bring out the guilt when he already felt ashamed. 

Slowly, Joel turned and eased himself into the wingback, taking up refuge in the same spot he had watched her battle through the nightmare earlier - a nightmare he was suddenly worried was somehow about him. 

Head low, forearms resting on his thighs, palms, and hands anxiously rubbing together, he ground his teeth back and forth, her screams echoing in his ears once again. 

A blip of his large hands encircling her tiny bruised wrists as he moved them away, came to mind, coming back to haunt him like he knew it would when had done it. He hummed at the thought, wondering for a second if perhaps he had done something wrong. 

Rushed through it, overstepped, and caused more harm than good. 

But then thought of how she was fading in and out, how she shaking - so badly - how her skin was like ice - might as well have been a dead body, cold like a corpse. 

Joel nodded his head up and down, convincing himself of what he already knew.

There were lots to feel guilty over, but this couldn’t be one of them. 

Anxiously, he raised his head and met hers, trying to read her face and not her words. Ellie’s expression was one filled with contempt, but her eyes held a completely different story - a kid broken and scared. 

She was hurting, and if the look in her eyes wasn’t enough, the bruises on her face and the blood splatter still staining her complexion were more than enough of a pointed reminder that Joel needed to tread lightly even if she was marching full steam ahead, raging at the world - at him.

She was doing this on purpose, pushing him, but he wouldn’t push her - couldn’t. 

He thought back to before, when he came rushing back into the living room fearing she had slipped away in the few moments he had taken to get the blankets. He remembered the small smile on her face when he made his way into her sights, and how she cracked open his heart with her candid confession:

“I’m always gonna come back.” 

“I like when you do.” 

Centering himself on that memory, and not her screams, Joel ran a hand down the length of his face before brushing it back and forth against the scruff of his beard. He let out a long sigh, a little worried he was about to say the wrong thing. 

 "I had to..." he began, his voice coming out more as a gravelly murmur than anything else. He stopped, swallowed hard, and tried again. "You were freezin’..." he said remorsefully, but pointedly, a statement of fact and an apology, side by side. 

Ellie nodded with a blank expression, purposefully trying to keep her face deadpan. She didn’t remember all that much, but she wasn’t stupid - logically, she knew that’s what happened. 

That hadn’t been the point of bringing it up. 

“You couldn’t do it yourself, so I had’ta.”

“I told you to stop,” she countered.

Truthfully, she still didn’t remember much of the whole ordeal, but bits were coming back slowly. There were some moments, vague, but there, she could use against him if she wanted - paint a certain image, true or not. All she could see was her arms and hands pushing against his, small fists banging against his forearms, yelling at him. 

Her gaze found the fire for a moment, landing on the red and orange licks of flames, just past his shoulder. 

Hands pushing against his, small fists banging against his forearms, red carpet, flames.  

“…I was yelling and you kept going…” she said, almost absently, head somewhere else for a twinkle of a second. 

She gulped down a growing lump in her throat as her eyes quickly flicked back to Joel, and with a few blinks cleared the images of him away. 

Joel opened his mouth to reply but shut it quickly, giving her a nod instead. She wasn’t wrong, but she wasn’t right either. 

In the very back of Ellie’s head, a small voice was screaming at her to not be an idiot. To stop whatever this was, now, before she took it too far. That he wasn’t him. That this is leftover aggression stuck inside, threatening to ruin something good. 

But she couldn’t. 

Her jaw clenched tighter as her eyes went hard and steely. Her head was really starting to throb again, and the hot feeling that had been in her gut was now starting to travel up her body, making her throat tight as it also ushered in a bit of nausea. 

She was seething so much that she was making herself sick from the intensity of it all. And for what?

She wiggled in her seat, hands going to grip the sides of the couch, knuckles going white, as she lowered her head to stare at the floor, wondering why he wasn’t getting mad like she thought he would.

“I know, you were..” Joel confirmed, hoping that not denying, or trying to belittle it would somehow make this better for her. 

He was able to see her demeanor going colder and colder with every moment she sat on the couch, coming to slow a boil like a pot on a stove.  Part of him did want to defend himself and go toe to toe with her - it was only natural - but a bigger part of him just wanted to gather her up in another hug and just never let go. Make her emotions quell, stop the roiling. 

"I know what your doin'..." he said, shaking his head, "I know you don't mean what you're sayin’."

"I - ah ..," Ellie stuttered, not expecting to be called out. ”Asshole," she said, trying to recover, albeit not strongly, before tumbling along, words spilling from her mouth.  “You’re an asshole, and you - if you gave a shit about me then, you wouldn’t have -“

“- Hey now…“ Joel interjected quickly, a grovel in his voice clearly revealing that his calm exterior was cracking away, her words now hitting him with a certain potency.  Ellie’s voice trailed off at the sound of his, focus going to watching the change in his body language, his shoulders tensing, eyes moving away, hand rubbing at his thigh. 

Of course, he gave a shit about her. After everything? 

She really wasn’t making this easy, and now the underlying guilt that still coursed in his veins - that was practically a part of him now - even though he knew it was misplaced - was turning to frustration, and frustration into precarious anger. 

And Ellie knew it too, and now she couldn’t hold back. She wanted to pry that spark of anger from behind his eyes and ignite it. Light it on fire like that fucking restaurant. 

“Would you have done that to Sa-“

“Enough.” Joel spat, jaw tight, eyes hard. 

Sarah. 

It was a low blow, even for Ellie.  

His heart was thumping in his chest, whooshing in his ears. He knew where the sentence was going the minute, it was coming out of her, and he couldn’t let it stand. He had sidestepped what she had been insulting the entire time - the dark impropriety of it all - because it was just so far from the truth that it wasn’t even worth playing into. But now, bring up something like that, almost accusing him, with his daughter…no. It crossed a line. 

With a deep inhale, Joel pushed himself off the chair the pain of it all buried monetarily under his own indignation, only a small wince escaping. The old wood creaked under him, the sound echoing the tension in the room. With a slow-paced stride, his leather boots thudded against the floor, the rhythmic sound resonating through the still air, each deliberate step echoing ominously. His fists were balled tightly as he sad and his face stern. 

Ellie watched as he got closer, content that she had finally pushed him over the edge. 

She hated herself, but not just for this. 

Coming to a still directly in front of her, he lowly began, “You don’t-,” he dragged in a long breath, “you don’t bring her anywhere in this….that ain’t right, and you know it.” 

His intention wasn’t to be intimidating - just firm, but standing above her as he was, was a little bit menacing.  Ellie gave him a slow nod, eyes looking forward, not up towards him. Her quickening pulse was echoing in her ears, mouth getting a little watery with apprehension.

Joel looked anywhere but down towards her, not wanting to show her any more anger than he already had let slip out. His fingers ran against his palms, still tightly screwed together, as his eyes wandered around the area behind the couch, scanning the kitchen, hoping to use it mundanity as a means to steady himself. 

Exhaling through his nose, Joel took a long step back, and then another away, turning his back toward Ellie. 

God, bringing his Sarah up like that, now. What was she thinkin’?

Drawing his head up to the ceiling, he called back to that feeling in his gut when he woke up alone in the basement. That feeling in his chest, when he thought he was about to find her body a the end of a trail of blood. That feeling in his heart, when she fell into his arm, scared as all hell. 

He shook his head. Ellie was his too. 

An oppressive silence stretched between them, the weight of unsaid words becoming almost palpable as Joel swayed back and forth on the balls of his feet, debating what to say, how to carry on. It was clear she was just lashing out, generally, but he couldn't let it all slide. Not that easily.

"Trauma ain't a hall pass" - Tommy told him that once. 

Sucking in a final long breath, hands going to his hips, Joel turned to face Ellie. 

“I know I wasn’t there. But I got to eyes. And I know somethin’ happened to you. And if this is  - was? - you tryin’ to make sense about that then, fine. Spit whatever you want at me, okay? Hit me, yell at me, I don’t care…I’ll take it.. I deserve that…cause that’s on me for leaving you alone.”  His voice was eerily steady, low, and coarse like how Ellie knew it when he was barking orders at her, way back at the beginning of their journey together. The tenderness that he had exhibited since coming back together seemed to be gone, even though his words painted a different picture. For better of worse, this was the Joel she knew. 

“But listen to me. I’m serious Ellie - Listen here.” Joel waited for Ellie to look up and meet his eyes. When she did so, he continued.  “Sarah stays far out of it.” 

Ellie didn’t make a move, a little stunned by the way he seemed to have his emotions under control, especially after she had expected so much more.  

He was going to end it at that, but a nagging voice in the back of his head told him he might as well dot all his ‘I’s and cross his ’T’s too. 

“And to be clear, I didn’t do anythin’, would never, do anythin’ to you- like what you were getting at.. makes me sick just thinking about it,” his tone was serious, yet his words danced around the hard topic like he wasn’t confident using the real words for it. His mouth turned down as the thought of it stayed in his brain, festering for a moment before fading out. 

The look in his eyes had Ellie swallowing back some guilt, tears even beginning to prick at her waterline again. 

Joel's hand came to his neck, rubbing away the much-accumulated tension, while looking around the room to search for something else to focus on. His eyes landed on her again - how could they not - and he paused. Blood, bruises, brewing with anger. He could fix some of that.

His eyes went to the pot of water still resting on the coffee table after all this time and then over toward the hallway.

He cleared his throat. “Now, I’m gonna go see if there ain’t something around here to clean you up with.”

It’s said with genuine care, but it's not hard to read that perhaps it’s also a distraction - a misdirection- to take away from the fraught way the conversation had come to a close.

Joel scooted past the couch with a slight limp, heading toward the hallway and out the room, leaving Ellie sitting alone.

[sav-not-tav]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Spread the self-love ₊ ✩

Thank you for this, Rev! Darcy @dutifullylazybread also tagged me, I appreciate you both.

Sorry for the delay in getting around to this.

Full disclosure, I currently only have 6 fics on AO3 and a collab. One of my favorites isn't yet posted, but I'm including it here as a bonus because I love it so much and maybe this will pressure me into finally getting those chapters edited. Whoo! In no particular order: • Volo's Erotic Library (Chapter 1 Submission)

While writing a BG3 twist on "My Immortal" was incredibly frustrating at times I love the work that came of it. Truly my best work yet. 10/10 cringe, imo.

• Sold to the Archdevil Supreme

What better way to follow up Volo's than with my original BG3 crackfic? This fic follows Ella as she adjusts to her new life as a resident of the House of Hope, a la "Sold to One Direction" fic style.

• Fall for Me

My darling TavxRolan fic that I need to put so much more time into. I had a lot of plans for this originally, but this plot has taken on a mind of its own.

• Pact of Pleasure

My TavxRaphael fic that was started off of one singular thought and a vibe. I love it, though. It consumes a lot (most) of my waking thoughts.

• Waiting for the Sun

My baby Art Cullagh had no fics, can you believe it? So this rectified that. I had to let handsome, sweaty sweetie Art get some ass before he perishes. Still need to wrap up the third and final chapter—I just don't want to let him go.

AAAAND a bonus!

• From the Shadows

My Dark!Rolan fic that was meant to be a follower milestone drop (whoops!) that has 2 chapters written, a bit of general plotting done, and a whole lot of headache. I love the premise, though, and am excited to release it!

[heartstringsduet]

Thanks for creating this Weekend WIP ask @welcometololaland . Guess who's not just wide awake at 5 am and half-blindly misunderstanding this is not a ask game but a fill-in thing? OOPS. SORRY thanks for tagging me @rmd-writes @alrightbuckaroo @lemonlyman-dotcom For Writers

1. WIP List: First Aid (Lying fools trying to fix the other)

Let Me Part 5 (D/s verse) TK turning 30 collab with @strandnreyes New Year's Day (meeting over and over on new years) Fathers (daddy issues the fic) 5 things Carlos isn't good at Christmassy short?

2. Which of your WIPs is currently the longest? First Aid. 120k that might be cut down or...expanded? but like 100k for sure will end up published.

3. Which WIP do you expect will end up the longest? See above. Want to take some time away from more than 50k projects after this. Good luck Michelle.

4. Which WIP is your favourite to write/the most enjoyable to write? Why?

Right now TK turning 30 is a wonderful reprieve because it doesn't really have a plot and I love written character deep-dives. But also, seeing the finish line of First Aid really made me sit down and enjoy writing it again.

5. Which WIP do you find the most intimidating to write? Why?

Ugh don't want to be a one-trick pony but First Aid has a lot of things that intimidate me. Like making both of them recognizable despite some very different circumstances for them. But also keeping all plot-points and the pacing and the OCs consistent and in line? UGH.

6. Which WIP do you experience the most self-doubt about. Why? See above. Added pressure for me thinking no one will like it because it really does have flawed characters and a lot of lying and back and forth and drama baby drama. Maybe people won't like the finished thing as much as the snippets. Maybe I will be disappointed by the response.. Maybe maybe maybe

7. Which of your WIPs will you seek out a beta/sensitivity reader for? Why? For longer fics or fics that mean much to me I do ask betas and they are TREMENDOUS helps and just a joy to me. I am in awe of all of you, taking the time to help make something shine more. <3 Still considering asking someone to sensitivity read First Aid but feel like 120k might a bit too much to ask of someone. So maybe I will ask for feedback once I update instead and hope I don't offend anyone and am open to criticism. Or maybe if you read this and want to be a sensitivity reader particularly for representation of Latino characters, would love that <3

8. Have any of your WIPs been struck by the curse of writer's block? Oh some have been on hiatus more like. like the 5 things Carlos can't do or the Fathers one. I really like what I have there so far but then other projects get in the way. First Aid definitely had some writer's block moments so I wrote other things like Let Me in between.

9. Which WIP has your favourite OC? Tell us about them?

Well, First Aid has a few OCs actually and none of them totally the ones everyone will love. But I do like writing Arturo, as a cousin to Carlos, even if he definitely won't be liked much.

10. Which WIP is the sexiest?

Let Me series for sure. That's just where the 5% sexual frustration I feel a year goes lol.

11. Which WIP is the angstiest?

First Aid is like a dark pool of angst. Whoops. Let Me isn't without its fair share of hurt/comfort though.

12. Which WIP has the best characterisation (in your humble opinion)? Fathers. I try to be very close to the source material to explore the relationship of TK and his father and Carlos and Owen through the lense of Carlos and how it changes over time.

13. Which WIP has the best scene setting (in your humble opinion)? My weaknessss. I guess First Aid though. Trying to do some of New York justic,e but ultimately won't probably.

14. Which WIP have you worked the hardest on?

Well for the sheer length and plot and time: First Aid.

15. Which WIP do you have the highest expectations for? Why? See above and see my doubts about First Aid. 😶

16. Do you dream about any of your WIPs?

I WISH. I wish I dreamt about people other than my former high school friends?

17. Do any of your WIPs have particular complexities that your other fics don't? The new part of the Let Me series deals with grief and self-harm in a very specific scenario of being in a relationship with Dom/sub dynamics. I think that's fascinating and I wanted to write that part for a while.

18. Which WIP is the funniest or has the most humour? Did i mention the angst part? But I guess 5 things Carlos isn't good at

19. Do any of your WIPs contain outside POVs or a deep dive on a character other than the main ship? How are you finding that process? Yes! TK turns 30 is actually about so many relationships TK has outside of the romantic one. I LOVE that. Since I have more experience with friendships than even family ties, and deep-dive into my own psyche way too much, I think this one is really challenging and fun.

20. Tell us one thing we don't know about one or more of your WIPs.

I ave like 10k minimum of First Aid that is all different versions of the characters and scenarios that make no sense anymore. Also, coming up with 5 fun things Carlos can't do wasn't that easy. he is TALENTED. I tag @decafdino @ambiguouspenny @carlos-in-glasses @cold-blooded-jelly-doughnut @lightningboltreader @noxsoulmate @chaotictarlos @louis-ii-reyes-strand @carlos-tk @ladytessa74 @freneticfloetry @orchidscript

[m1d-45]

on a scale of 1 to 10 — 1 being the least and 10 being the most — how confident are you in surviving an imposter sagau situation?

short answer: i, a non-native in terrain i’ve only ever navigated with 1) a glider 2) no fear of death 3) via a vessel 4) with a map, against various well trained armies, all hellbent on killing me? you’re funny.

now, the long answer…

the long answer, of course, depends on your preferred brand of isekai, as well as the various traits within that. i will… attempt at brevity, but cannot make promises. oh, and there’s no particular order to this list.

1) blood. i myself am more inclined to blue over gold, but that doesn’t matter for this topic. what does matter is if its present and if it manifests immediately.

2) teyvat. is the earth on my side? do the plants and animals know it’s me, or do i need to ‘prove’ it? does it resent me for whatever reason? what’s it’s level of influence (which sounds dumb, but do i have the power of earthquakes and storms or just a few animal helpers?)

3) the imposter situation itself. is there a physical imposter already there,and if so what’s their level of influence? origin? i’d rather go against a wayward traveller than celestia’s puppet. do they have powers? how does teyvat react to them, if at all?

4) speaking of, celestia. are they on my side, the fake’s(if there is one), or staying neutral? what brand of sagau are we even using here? i know i made a post about my version of sagau lore, but one of the key changes since then was celestia. what version of lore are we following?

5) teyvat’s people, emphasis on vision wielders. do they have that subconscious Know? do their visions act up? how do the people overall feel about the one on the throne, if there is one? if there isn’t, is celestia involved in their opinions somehow? what about the traveller, or my vessels?

6) my influence. what can i do? do i have creator abilities, and if so do they take time/some other cue to manifest? is it something i train, or just Click one day? what level? is it an element by element basis, like the traveller, or does that not apply to me? do i have an inventory? if so, can i access the character menus? the map? waypoints? can i move my party, still? do statues of the seven heal me, does food heal me, how do hillichurls and various abyssal beings react to me? ancient gods, such as rhodea (i spelled that wrong) or dvalin or that fucker in the sea outside liyue (yeah i. forgot his name) or azhdaha or yo(u?)kai, if i’m in inazuma? where are we in the in-game lore, by the way?

7) teyvat, again, but this time in terms of biology. i have a few headcanons about teyvat, notably that their gravity is lesser (less fall damage), weather less severe (global warming), and is overall much more temperate/cooler/less humid (global warmingx2 and also just a touch of idealism), so do these apply? this ties into the other points about teyvat, i guess: does the earth let me get cold? can i just shelter in dragonspine?

8) plot armor, for lack of better phrasing. will teyvat let me die? oh, and do i get timeloop’d, or kicked back to my world? do i die, go to my world, then go back to teyvat when i sleep/next log on/whatever? again, tying into other points about teyvat, but will it protect me from death? is my skin like impenetrable or something, or whoops, god is dead, sorry. if i revive in teyvat, is it like that one recent piece i did where the earth moves me? what happens when (if?) i die? does teyvat take revenge?

the long answer… is that it depends.

[sysinfodump]

Recently our system has gone from Host, 2 younger versions of host, An introject of an irl but as an alien, an Angel, and another younger version of host (6 headmates) to: Host (who has not fronted for a good week???), the introject alien guy (who is now dormant and was co-host), 1 little, 2 different Sans-related fictives, A regretevator fictive, 2 different creepypasta related fictives, two different number-named headmates (One is a princess and one is a 'destroyer of worlds') , One (or two) Class of 09 fictives, at LEAST 3 Fnaf fictives, a Minecraft fictive, A danganronpa fictive, and then some random guy who just sits on his bum all day. (around 18) And the worse part is, for one, it;s only been about a year since we found out we are most likely a system, and everyone is just deciding to like, hop out of the closet or something. It's like you have 5 different baby showers and 7 of your kids all come out as gay within 24 hours. And the funniest part is about 4-5 people will randomly come into front, arguing or something, and they always come into front t the worst times. Mid-algebra test? Perfect, let's havveeee...Ohh, yeah! 6 people, fronting, right now! And uhh, should any of them actually KNOW the material..? Nahhh, that's not necessary. (We failed the test, btw) And nearly everyone in the system is super argumentative, so a lot of them time irls will just be like, "Why do you enjoy arguing so much?" and its like, idk, ask them"?? The only reason I am able to even remember this all is because we have a notebook where most headmates go in and just write as much info about them, what's going on, etc etc, as possible because it makes it 100x easier for the next person to look at and be like, "Ohhh, that's why *blank* is mad at us..'' Anyways uhm ranted a lot whoops. !

When your first accepting you're a system and this whole alters thing is normal to feel super overwhelmed when you start to discover a lot of alters at once, when denial is less more alters tend to show up so yeah I can totally understand how confusing and mind blowing can be seeing like 18 not known alters at once

But you're kind right that it's fun and kinda annoying when random alters come to front in the worse moments

[dgcakes]

Tagged by @hypermoyashi and @ectocosme

Rules: Go to your (current/main) AO3 account and find the following:

What ratings do you write most of your fics under?

Of the 30 presently up:

1. Teen and Up (13)

2. General (8)

3. Mature (6)

4. Explicit (3)

What are your top three fandoms?

So because my everything is all over I am going to have to go with

1. Dragon Age 2 (5) and Fire Emblem Three Houses (5)

2. Scum Villains Self Saving System (5*) and Mo Dao Zu Shi (5*)

3. Ace Attorney (4)

The count for fe3h is about to jump in a weekish, just not posted, and technically there are some dragon age fics I dropped or removed so they tie as "officially five but technically more"

As for scum villain and MDZS, they tie because they are 5 but technically actually 4. I have 5 fics for mdzs but one is just the explicit chapter from another fic pulled out on its own to adjust the rating. And for scum villain one is an unfinished role-play with a friend we edited to post for fun and is kinda handwave.

What is the top character you write about?

From my fics posted? My Hawke (Aeyin). :3 technically my Byleth (Tate) appears in the same number of fics but she is minor appearances in 2 but Aeyin is major in all 5

Ferdinand and Hubert are going to be jumping ahead in the rankings soon tho whoops

What are your top three pairings?

1. Fenris/M!Hawke (4/5 fics posted)

2. Klavier Gavin/Apollo Justice (4/4 fics posted)

3. Edelgard von Hresvelg/My Unit Byleth (female) (3 fics major, 2 fics minor appearances tho I gotta fix the tags for them cause I kept debatihg if they appear enough to tag)

Again, certain couple about to jump the whole line whoops

What are the top three additional tags?

So what I learned here is I'm a super inconsistent tagger oops

1. Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence (13*)

2. Happy Ending (8)

3. Fluff (6)

So uh big caveat, i tag alternate universe plain or alternate universe - something a lot. So if I added all the times I actually bothered to tag some form of it, it's actually 19. Out of 30

Also yes all my fics have happy endings but I only tagged it 8 times apparently

If I include fluff & smut, and fluff & angst, the combined tags, fluff jumps up to 9 and 2nd place

Does any of this surprise you?

The distribution of fic counts does!!! Literally almost all are at 5 fuckin fics or 1. There is exactly 1 in-between and that's tgcf at 2.

Also how inconsistent I tag omfg Deeg why

I'm not tagging anyone, this was hard enough to edit on Mobile. Please feel free if it looks fun

[radigalde]

Fear level counting: Polo Club part 2

Upon getting to setting your own horse ready, giving it a treat at any point (except bad result of the accident) will lower your fear score with -1 per treat. And just as with Foreshadow, the option of giving the entire bag of treats at once is worse, as it gives only -2 fear regardless of how many carrots your horse munched down. Also, patting your horse won't lower the fear score, smh.

Once shit hits the fan and creepy noices start, you get mandatory +1 fear and additional +1 for fear phobia.

Walking to the sound (#Iiiiiii waaaaalk towards the soooooound. or its fucked up version) reduces the score with -1 but increases corruption.

Hiding or getting the fuck out of the trailer (#I hide in the tiny tack room. or #I dive out the back end of the trailer., both unavailable with active possession or greed vice) will increase fear with +1 because why not.

All while poking your head out to look closer (#I poke my head out the window to see what's really going on outside., unavailable with active possession or fear phobia) will somehow give you -1 fear. Don't choose this option though, as it gives a whooping +3 corruption, denial increase and instant possession.

During Pippa accident (see the guide for more details), bad outcome with dead Pippa gives +1 fear. There is an additional +1 unless MC is a paramedic, police officer, not-possessed with corruption score lower than 4, or simultaneously has low scores of sass (30 or lower) and sweetness (lower than 20).

Some may increase with even further +1 (and also increase corruption) by choosing to look at the incident scene afterwards (#I turn to look, there's nothing there I haven't seen before.), but this option has a lot of conditions to be pickable:

either be a paramedic or have the accident as your childhood have non-critical corruption score (less than 7);

don't have blood phobia;

don't have fear phobia.

Good Adrian's save with light injures (achievable if you fed Foreshadow but didn't gave him all your carrots) reduces your fear with -1. Note that this reduction works only if Adrian went to save Pippa without MC's help and didn't get too hurt in the process.

During post-accident conversation (only when Pippa isn't dead) asking about the strange shadow (#"Did anyone else see that strange thing on the hill?") and backtracking (#It was probably nothing at all, after all.) gives -1 fear but increases denial.

Saving Pippa with flying colors at your first attempt (#I loop the reins around my left hand and lean as far to the right as humanly possible as I reach for Enchanter Moon's bridle.) will reward you with -3 fear. It becomes -2 if you save Pippa on your second attempt, and -1 if it's Adrian who catches the horse reins after you fail to do so at your first attempt and back off.

Embodying a meme of it's-fine-dog after abandoning the chase (#Actually, what the hell am I doing? I drop back to a sensible pace and let Adrian attempt the rescue instead. followed by #In the end, everything turned out perfectly fine.) gives -1 fear and denial increase.

Ignoring Pippa accident (#I ignore everything else and keep my eyes riveted to the lurching void that shambles ever closer., the only available option if your fear score is 10 or more) will make further stat checks even harder by increasing the score with +1.

If Pippa survived her accident, returning to the trailer and untacking your horse gives mandatory -1 fear. If any of your carrots survived till this point, and your horse wasn't spooked too badly, you get to enjoy additional -1 (this time for all treats at once).

Helping Ash to clean up horses' shit gives -1 fear.

Being extra spooked (#Suspiciously look over everything in sight.) can give you -1 fear as well, but it requires medium sass (less than 71) and caution score (less than 6). On the other hand, it decreases your denial.

Checking the outside of the trailer gives +1 fear. You can kind of negate it with -1 fear during dicussion of wtf happened with the trailer if first you go with your crazy theory as the explanation (requires to create that theory in the conversation with Adrian at the start of polo route) and then choose #And on cue, on the count of 1, 2, 3… or #Somehow I sense that I only have to bide my time and wait to be proven victorious here. If you don't have any theory prepared, you can get the same -1 with a "reasonable" guess (#Yes… the impact from a car crash. That sounds perfectly reasonable.), but guess what: it increases your denial.

After the club, accepting the drink from Adrian with gratitude (#Accept the drink with a word of thanks. or #Accept the drink with a nod of thanks.) gives you -1. While vocal suspicion (#Stare suspiciously at the drink. "Yeah, no thanks.") gives +1.

[starryjeekies]

~ Omega X OT11 ~ Dom to Sub

A/N: hello, this was requested by one of my irl friends because I’m finally getting back into writing again and we just saw Omega X together. So I’m formatting this just like my E’last one so check that one out too if you’d like! It’s super unhinged I’m so sorry whoops. Everything is below the cut. Enjoy!!

Dom

1. Hyuk

2. Sebin

3. Yechan

4. Junghoon

5. Hangyeom

6 Jaehan

7. Xen

8. Taedong

9. Hwichan

10. Jehyun

11. Kevin

Sub

Dommest of dom. There is no sub part about him. Have you seen him? Hyuk is a man like no other. Sure he can be cute and adorable when he wants to be. But I honestly think that he needs total control in the bedroom. Now this doesn’t mean he won’t want someone on top of him, bouncing on him, but if anything else he’s a power bottom. There. That’s it. Send tweet.

Sebin. S e b i n. For some reason, my irls and I agree that he is unpredictable. We can’t actually determine anything about this man other than that he is a dom and he is freaky. It’s always the sweet ones that are crazy in the sheets. Because of this I feel like he would be the one in charge and doing all the crazy things. Might let you take control once but he won’t let that go to your head.

My dude will probably put up a fight if you try to dom him. I said it so many times but Yechan would be the bitch to square up in a Denny’s parking lot at 3 am. If anything, he would be the type of guy to make you ride him while being overstimulated whoops that’s a different post. There could be a façade of doming but if you slip out of line he will bring you crashing down.

Daddy Junghoon my mans, hello. Tbh out of everyone in OX, I wouldn’t pick Junghoon to have the daddy kink but hey whatever works for him (I highly suspect Yechan had something to do with this). But I think he would definitely be a dom more so because he doesn’t know how good it can be for a partner to take over. Once he’s been in a situation where he doesn’t have to be in control and he feels it hits different, then I think he’d be more open to you doming him more often.

A man who likes to please. Hangyeom is one who probably would do a lot of things his partner asks of him. Fuck them from behind? Bet. Against the wall? Just say please. Ride him? Better be lubed up. So not saying he’s a switch, but if you ask him to please you, he’ll probably be in control but give you a wild ride unless you ask otherwise.

Just a big baby, that’s all. I don’t think Jaehan is too much whichever way he goes. He’s a big sweetheart so whether it’s him controlling what happens or when you’ve had a few orgasm and take control to chase the final one, I think he’s happy either way. Probably is the type of dom who wants almost wreck you and you spring back at the last second so you’re both fucked out.

I had a long convo about this one, but Xen needs to be put into submission. I think he’s a switch with a dom lean and needs to be forced into submission because he’s a BRAT. Probably likes it too so don’t be afraid to. He’s definitely cocky in what he can do to you so you need to put him in his place with overstimulation and a nice cock ring oops wrong post again.

Taedong is only slightly higher on this list because there is a slightly more dom leaning but that is it. Otherwise I feel like its pretty even. Like 55/45. Yeah. I want to say that he’s game for a lot of things. He’s probably more of the experimentalist because he’s got a dancer physique and can contort his body in different ways. I also can just see him saying a mantra of “please” when he’s close and that’s hella sub energy.

The true switch in my opinion. When I asked “who would want a strap” and my friend immediately said Hwichan so I’m rolling with it. Hwichan is probably really fun and sex would be like the Olympics of just one round after another, both doing a new sport essentially. One minute he’d have you crying and the next you would be needing to hold his hips down to stop him fucking up into your hand.

Jehyun honey ily you’re my ult but your introverted ass comes off kinda subby. He’s shy and can be bashful but he’s also flirty (ik i met him irl and he called me pretty) so he has SOME confidence but I think he’s gotta be comfortable with a partner to determine if he can be more of a dom and more of a sub. Opposite of Taedong but still pretty close.

I want him to prove me wrong but Kevin is too sweet to be a dom. Yes, yes, I know soft doms exist but he is like a patch of daisies on a sunny spring day. I think it’s the pink hair and the constant duck faces he does. I definitely think being a dom is in him, for sure (thank you love me like) but just not as strongly s sub. Still an fantastic lover though don’t let his adorable face fool you he’s probably really good with his mouth.

[guywrestlingaddiction]

Everything Great About this Match: Travis Bennett v Taylor Reign (muscleboywrestling.com)

Everything Great About this Match: +6

SPOILER ALERT: I highly recommend viewing this match in its entirety before reading this post.

So let's begin: 

+1: I love that this match combines wrestler (Travis Bennett) versus porn star (Taylor Reign).  Seeing an experienced wrestler like Travis fight off a porn star is pure gold.  

+1: That's not to say that Taylor is defenseless; on the contrary, the guy puts up a fight!  Props to Travis for making the action look good.  I have a special soft side for those unsung hero heels that make their jobbers look good - win or lose. 

+1: For Travis - the guy's both talented and sports a hot body.  

+1: Again for Travis' wrestling.  Muscleboywrestling has a few pros mixed into their stable and I'm glad that the guy was around for a little while at least.  

+1: For the over the top ropes splash! This has got to be one of my favorite moves and a rarity in pro gay wrestling.  

+1: For Travis toying with Taylor during the "rematch".  I wouldn't call it a "rematch" more like - I whooped you too soon Taylor and now I have to draw this video out.  Whatever the reason, it's like watching a master in his element.

------- Everything Great About this Match: +6

So there you have it.  I love the dynamic of wrestler versus porn star and especially love that the Travis toys with Taylor before putting him out.  This match highlights Travis as a warrior who knows how to wrestle and make winning or losing look good.  Good wrestling needs good chemistry and a seasoned pro like Travis Bennett knows how to make any action look good.  

-

For the original post, check out:

[asukaskerian]

monthly word count - february

TOTAL: 6 014 ... eh. to be fair i spent a lot of time being depressed this month. :X turns out unstructured vacation time is bad for my mental health! POSTED: none of this month's writing! BUT. Also posted!!! -Pack fuckening ABO chapter FIVE canse the chapter got so big i had to cut it in two (you guys are gonna laugh, i'm planning to rewrite the tiny little epiloguey bit and i might have to post it separately as well. whoops.) IN PROGRESS -Bleach: pack fuckening ABO (3 311 words) -Naruto: cherry wine - madatobiizu ABO (438 words) -Bleach: suburban OT4 (903 words) -Bleach: psychic wolves (1 362 words) yes indeed i did start writing the psychic wolves for lupercalia and then BAM writer's block and the day passed me by. bluh. also i added like two words to bloodsport but i ain't counting those. no teaser for pack fuckening since ideally it'll be posted soon! and a pretty small one for cherry wine because otherwise i’d be posting all of it.

-- cherry wine :/ -- "Did he say anything to you?" Izuna asked. The genjutsu had showed them moving lips, but the sharingan didn't record sounds; any impression of noise transmitted came from the imperfect kind of memory. Adrenaline made it hard to concentrate as well on accurate understanding. "Something about... Making the lesson stick this time," Naohime replied, eyes lowered, tone subdued. "That he would teach me respect, since Madara-sama couldn't be bothered." A reference to the clash in front of the daimyo's brother. Clear establishment of motive. Tobirama finding her punishment too lenient, or even suspecting it to be entirely absent, so taking it upon himself to take care of it. "Hm." Izuna leaned back, crossing his arms, eyebrows knit in thought. It made him look displeased enough that Naohime flinched, a bare hint of movement but from her significant enough. "Anything else? No? Then..." His eyes glided past Daichi, the brat tense and staring, vibrating with the desire to come closer, landed on Higashi. "Hey, card-cheater." "Aw, Izuna-sama." "Settle her down." Izuna made the hand signal for alone-isolated-stranded, but turned inwards instead of out as the gesture went when picking out an easy target, hinting... Ah. Not alone, alone, but without-littermates alone, and the hint of movement toward Izuna's own waist inviting Higashi to compensate for that somehow. Madara considered the variation on the established sign absently, head tilted. Should they create a 'this ally needs comfort' sign...? Hm. One would probably emerge on its own. Battle-sign was fluid enough... The other Uchiha keeping their distances, Madara and his littermate went drifting down the secured corridor, eyes scanning the varnished wood for telling scuff marks. -- suburban OT4, nel attempting to get grimmjow to sext -- Goat: okay, picture this. nineteen, five months pregnant, sleeping under a bridge. Me: alone? Goat: don't interrupt me. Me: who knocked you up Goat: idk some jerk Me: hn Goat: grimmjow. >:( Me: yeah fine ok. sleeping under a bridge. Goat: suddenly, guy in a limo. Me: suspension of disbelief crashed Goat: fuckin pick it up then! Guy. In a LIMO. Goat: by the way it's also raining copiously and my tattered t-shirt is sticking to me like cling wrap. Me: ...... ok how much thought did you put into this Goat: ANYWAY guy brings me to his manor (shut up. Yes the manor is essential and also their bed is like the size of two parking spots.) Goat: hot bath with bubbles, five courses dinner, etc etc etc. then comes the time to pay my rent with my body, BUT! Goat: intimidated, i believe he will then ravish me!! Me: and then you wonder why women take ten centuries to nut. If you gotta rewrite war and peace first Goat: shuuuut the frickfrack up Goat: it turns out! I am not for him! His beloved wife is in a tender condition (swooning, possibly also pregnant) and he, too vigorous and virile, etc etc Goat: just saying, i would go down like the titanic. Me: uh huh Goat: very grateful and also very seduced etc etc, him looming sternly to ensure i do it right, her overwhelmed, never knew the touch of a woman, yadda yadda Me: i'm still stuck on how SOME GUY got you pregnant and fucked off Goat: OKAY FINE there's this sexy bad boy who knocked me up, condom broke, i didn't tell him BUT he finds out, comes to find me just in time to see the limo take me away! Goat: climbs the wall to rescue me from my lascivious captor Me: if i gotta keep dictionary.com open for this Goat: >:////

-- grimmichi psychic wolves -- "Okay, when you said 'I know where we can hide,' I'm gonna be honest, I didn't think you meant a love hotel." Studiously avoiding looking too closely at the wall of dildos, Ichigo took a cautious step away from the door he had just locked behind them, and re-locked to be sure. Further into the room Shiro padded cautiously along the walls, throwing disgruntled commentary about the nose-burning smells of cleaning chemicals and the stink of human upon human and all their sweat and sex. As love hotel rooms went, this one was pretty tame. Sleek black fixtures and spooky purple lights that illuminated jack shit, a huge bed, and behind a glass wall (to keep from getting the bed drenched, he assumed) an entirely transparent bathtub under what seemed a surgical suite's worth of floodlights. Also each dildo had its little spotlight inside its little glass case like they were a rock collector's exhibit but he wasn't gonna -- "You take one out and we're gonna get billed for it," he warned, ears burning, as Grimmjow poked at a two-tipped monstrosity. Grimmjow only hummed vaguely and went back to the crate they'd somehow managed to smuggle inside. "How did you even know about love hotels anyway?" "You kidding?" the other man replied absently as he fit his fingers in a gap between the crate and its lid. "That's the only part of your culture that stayed even a little bit interesting, after Aizen and Tousen killed the samurai shit with their fuckin' pontificating." Ichigo scowled. Didn't find anything to reply, though. After what had happened to him on its soil, Grimmjow was entitled to dislike Japan. "Not that we were allowed to visit anything anyway... C'mere, hold this open." Ichigo went to hold up the lid. Inside, Pantera lay unmoving, a puddle of inky fur; didn't stir when Grimmjow bent over the edge of the crate to press his hand against her flank. He didn't say anything. Ichigo tried not to stare too obviously as he tried to read Grimmjow's face, tried to find worry or relief or anything at all. The pack bond between them had gone placid and flat like the surface of a deceptively slow river -- all sorts of things moving underneath and none of them for him to see. They'd abandoned the truck and the man had gone into commando mode, or Ichigo assumed -- swift decisions, swift movements that ended up feeling choreographed in advance for how seamless they were. Grimmjow had stopped them on a dock and swiped an unattended dolly like he'd had every right to make off with it, swiped a crate the same way -- tipped his wolf into it from the lip of the truck and off they went to steal someone else's flatbed truck, someone's jacket off the back of a café chair, someone's wallet out of their back pocket. Ichigo had trailed after him like a lump and tried not to look too spooked.

[xxswagcorexx]

tumblr user xxswagcorexx why do you insist on hiding away half your analyses/ramblings in the tags of your posts speak ur truth!!! anyway talk mythology andor symbolism to me whats the significance behind red's cult eating honey? do either of them get any items of power mixed up sometimes but just go whoops and move on like its no big deal? what would an outsider pov on this mess look like "ah that pair of lunatic gods again" bc this is sooo funny to me to imagine

i am . scared of everyone (and plus i don't wanna make the post too long and tags let me ramble without worrying abt length/mention small things without feeling like i need to format it properly ^_^

and uh abt the honey thing. this is where u can see this is Really inspired by greek mythology but basically in greek mythology, honey was seen as food of the gods and would provide gods immortality and whatnot ^_^ anyways i was like "hmmmmmm reddoons core" but also it just really works well. aesthetically for him

(AND GET READY FOR A LONG RAMBLE UNDER THE CUT)

anyways on the topic of the honey thing, i tend to associate red with gold because 1) money and 2) red and gold are a really classic color combo that i love, so honey (sorta) resembling molten gold is just. really aesthetically pleasing to me

and also iirc red wanted to make the byzantine empire in earthbound season 2? and when i came across a video on how to make byzantine honey fritters by tasting history with max miller i was like "omg reddoons core"--and from the video it seems like honey was a bit of a special dessert? in 6:33 of the video, there's a poem about a monk complaining about how the abbots have it a lot better than the monks and they mention that the abbots had 2nd helping of honey fritters so yeah i think its safe to assume honey was a semi-special thing, even if it was common. so uh. yeah. money and reddoons. thumbs up

and for the longest time i have associated bees and honey by rina sawayama with. swagdoons in general and the entire song is about how much the singer loves money and partying even if they're broke as shit LMAO its such a good bop if you like pop i recommend it . anyways ya that just added to the aesthetic in general

(as u can tell most of it was based off of vibes and plus in biased because i like how. warm milk and honey taste and plus i really like the idea of milk being something nurturing and honey being something sweet that is representative of love bc ur being sweet and easing someone into something so. Yeah. just vibes but how i figure out vibes are so specific that its worth explaining i think <- loves romanticizing the mundane) (and there's a sick ass line from the end poem like that) (like "And the player was a new human, never alive before, made from nothing but milk and love. You are the player. The story. The program. The human. Made from nothing but milk and love." come ON that line fucks so hard how couldn't i love it)

anyways i think with all of that in mind, red's cult would eat honey as a sign of wealth and comfort/nurturing 4 those reasons ^_^ (i am so sorry for all of that for explaining that i just have lots of Reasons to why i feel something sometimes)

WILDLY OFF TOPIC but u also asked abt items of power getting mixed up, i think it would happen most during worship </3 i think they'd just go to each other and be like "REDDOONS one of your cult members sacrificed blood as a loyalty pact to their partner instead of WAR again. u want it" and red would either let ash keep it or take it so uh. insert them sharing their power with each other here even though their values are usually on increasing ur ego and being on top of the world (CONSIDERING THIS FANDOM LOVES THEMES OF LOYALTY IN A GAY GAY HOMOSEXUAL WAY) (SEE WHY I DDNT WANT THEM COMING FROM ANOTHER GOD OR MERGING INTO 1 GOD) (THE IMPLICATIONS ARENT GOOD)

anyways i think ash and red (as gods) and their cults are pretty well known (like how swagdoons r the 2nd most popular ls ship) but LORD if their myths got lost to time they'd be a nightmare to study via texts and scripts in the future. like i can imagine for the LONGEST time historians argue if they were gods that changed during the dark ages because red's name predates ash until they Finally find a myth involving them as 2 different characters and its settled that they're 2 separate gods even though they represent similar-ish things LOL anyways yeah i can imagine more myths of them being found and historians going ??? wtd were these gods <3 hope that answers ur questions anon! :D

[die-schwanenkoenigin]

20 questions for fic writers

I was tagged by @lilolilyr 🥰💕❤️ thank you so much!!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

85!

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

409,668, more than half of which I've posted this year---210,056 words, to be exact, which is absolutely insane!!

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Currently only Mirandy (Devil Wears Prada).

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Well, this is going to be embarrassing, lol:

bad things (487)

nightly encounter (469)

Too Soon, Not Soon Enough (434)

unexpected (410)

Stalling the Inevitable (377)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Absolutely! I respond to every single comment I receive. I love interacting with people, hearing their thoughts and ideas! Every time I get a comment, it reminds me of the fact that there are actual, real humans out there that read my writing??? And that's still so crazy to me, even after 6 years???? So I always feel the need to let them know how much I appreciate them!

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

That would be two:

Thank you, baby (for loving me like you do)

unrequited

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Ohhhhh, I am SUCH a sucker for happy endings. You'll find that---taking away the two outliers from the previous question, obviously---all my works have happy endings!!

8. Do you get hate on fic?

I can't remember ever receiving any. That said, people do sometimes comment things like "hmmm this is weird" or whatever but, like, I pretty much just ignore that.

9. Do you write smut?

Oh, I am very much into writing smut, yes! In fact, I've currently got The Kink Series going on which... is exactly what it sounds like, lol. Smut, smut, and then some more smut; though, in this case, I'm actively trying to dive into things I haven't explored before.

Also, I've just noticed that out of the 16 works I've written/posted for the DWP fandom, 13 have been explicit. Whoops?

10. Do you write crossovers?

I haven't so far, no!

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I had someone repost some of my works in a smut collection a few years back. They mentioned my username, but did not ask me beforehand---or even tag me properly. I ended up asking them to take it down, and they did. My finding it in the first place had been a complete fluke, though.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No, though I've attempted to translate some of my own works. It didn't work. (I realized I suck at writing in German, lmao.)

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Nope! But I've just recently talked about a potential collab with someone whose writing I really enjoy! So that's exciting!

And just in general, I'm very open to trying out new things---i.e. collaborating on fics.

14. What’s your all-time favourite ship?

Well, I'm going to have to say Mirandy here. This ship really has me in its grip. I love the dynamics, and I thoroughly enjoy playing with their characters. There are so many things to explore!

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but probably won’t?

Okay, so, I do have this one idea. And I've written... a tiny little amount. Maybe around 3k. I realized, however, while I was writing, that it would most likely take 20k+ words to make it anywhere near enjoyable. It just wouldn't flow otherwise, I don't think; plus, I wouldn't be able to properly explain everything. Unfortunately, I'm just not really one to write multi chapter fics, and so I've come to the conclusion that it'll probably just sit in my docs forever and collect dust.

Sorry @ Assignment WIP.

16. What are your writing strengths?

As soon as I've got a good sentence to get me started, I can usually just keep going and get all my ideas out in one or two sittings. I'm also an exceptionally fast typer, which means I can write things down as quickly as soon as they pass through my head. Very good, considering my memory is absolutely crap.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I have no organizational skills. So if I realize a fic idea would have to be explored in multiple chapters, I usually retreat and abandon the idea.

That also means I just...do not plan fics. Ever. Not even my one shots. I'm 100% serious when I say I would not have the patience to plot out, say, a slow burn fic. They either get it on, or they don't. (And in my case, they pretty much always do. 😏)

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I did this all the time when writing Mariana/Ana fanfic. Madre Solo Hay Dos was, like, my first fandom earlier this year; effectively letting me reconnect with fic writing; and it was right around the time when I was obsessed with learning Spanish. So I constantly included Spanish text conversations, as we all as---occasionally---dialogue. 10/10, would recommend and do again.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Camren (Fifth Harmony). That's what got me into writing back in 2017, and it stuck with me for quite a while.

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

Hmmm... that's really hard. I love soulmate AUs, and considering my obsession with Mirandy at the moment, I think I'd have to go for Too Soon, Not Soon Enough.

Though I did also very much enjoy writing Pretty, Dirty Girl as well as the other, kinkier fics, including, for example, Four Play. The latter was challenging at first, but ultimately a great exercise.

Thanks again, friend, for tagging me!!! ❤️

I'm going to go ahead and tag @harrytoad, @sporkmetender, @guardianrock, @awomanontheverge. None of you have to feel obligated to do this, though. 🥰

oh, and if any other writers see this post---you're welcome to do this as well!!

[draconixiaa]

tired but i'll do a bit of this (will be a bit rambly:D)

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

24,, wow not bad

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

165.5k wow thats a lot,, most of it comes from one tho; everything else are shortfics

3. What fandoms do you write for?

DSMP and ive just started a bit of genshin at the behest of my Tartaglia-obsessed irl and he's kinda cool but like for 95% of my other fics its all cdream ahahahhh(dies)

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

"Consequences" tops the charts obviously bc its my one and only longfic and it was written during the peak of dsmp and man id link it bc i love my storyline (cdream obviously gets messed up in prison but then gets a healing arc) there but at the same time i feel like the writing had too many grammar mistakes and could be better so nahh

"North Star to Freedom" is one im actually really proud of, like obviously the writing could be better bc ive improved, but i just like it and id deffo rewrite it too if i had time or steal it into an original fic (premise is that cdream escapes prison with the rebibe book and oh lord my lingo anyways (spoilers) he dies and he gives techno book)

"Persevere" is third, wow that's a long time ago, its alright, i like it in general, but it feels almost cheesy. idk. i like it, but i dont like it. its not mixed feelings, but eh. anyways, something about cdream getting captured by the egg which is about to take over the world but he sacrifices himself to cleanse it. the most acute thing i rember about it is that its a 3parter

"Coup de Grace" ok wth i didnt expect this to be on there it was a small little cdream suffering in prison and cphil comes over, sees him in pain, and cough relieves him of it, and i dont like the writing in a specific part of it, but i like it in some other parts, so eh

"turn the claret tides" whoops i forgot what this one was about ok i glanced through the doc its ctechno getting cdream out of prison wow that title was really vague but he gets the letter and things went on.. it was inspired by another fic and happened during the hype of the prison arc which is kinda cool

(man im looking at the amount of fics i want to rewrite but it aint happening sadge)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Sometimes, most of the times nowadays, if it particularly made my day or it has something deep and insightful or literally makes any observation on my fic. sometimes im just too tired to answer,, maybe laziness is a part of it too, but i stare and its like,, i cant generate a response . but nowadays, i do it most of the times bc i appreciate my commenters :D

6. What’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

my recent fics mostly have happy endings, but all my pre-like, mid 2023 fics were all sad sad sad. they all ended in cdream dying, one way or the other. so idk which ones the saddest now its been too long,, the one i personally think is the saddest is one that i like, was listening to sad music to, the song being 'sociopath,' an orchestral piece (or was it piano?)

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

consequences

8. Do you get hate on your fic?

once on consequences bc that was max cdream apologists vs inniters era

9. Do you write smut?

nop never ever ever

10. Do you write crossovers?

dream + tartaglia is one i wrote in fudging october that i am still trying to find time to continue

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

prob not, if there is, then i wouldnt know of it

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

nope, if there was, i also dont know of it

13. Have you ever co-written a fic?

wow thats crazy that i havent, but idk, teamwork and coordination just go meh when i only share my interests with online people

14. What‘s your all-time favorite ship?

idk i dont do ships but my fav friendship is dream + techno or dream + punz

15. What’s the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

all my chapter continuations except the tartaglia + dream one i Need to finish that. but also the palace of stone idea will Never Ever get written

16. What’s your writing strengths?

descriptions idk they go lengthy but ive practiced with them a lot so ive gotten kinda good

17. What’s your writing weaknesses?

dialogue, pacing, idk literally everything, i can prob improve on anything and every aspect of my writing rn, and i just need to practice more

19. First fandom you wrote for?

DSMP lmao

20. Favorite fic you’ve ever written?

consequences i love the storyline + ending of that one even if the writing couldve been better

uhh tagging? idk if theres anyone that doesnt overlap wiht people whove been tagged b4 les see: @milktearosethorn , @victoriacoffee , ,, oh theres only two ok well, have fun if u decide to do this!

[sucrosette]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

1. How many works do you have on ao3?

28, 32 if you count the MCU fics I am not particularly proud of. But some people seem to like them, so they stay.

2. what's your total ao3 word count?

266,092 - I probably have a good 50k+ in sitting in my wips.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Genshin Impact, BSD, VLD (but only klance), the Wolfstar corner of HP, and BNHA. Also, I'm planning to write for Carry On for Carry On Countdown this year. At some point I’d like to write for kingdom hearts and sk8. (Previously MCU but as mentioned that's been long abandoned.)

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Whoops, There Goes My Heart (T, 38.4k)

Iced Coffee is Not Supposed to be Spicy (E, 11.1k)

He Makes Me Bloom (E, 30.5k)

Rosé & Bubblegum (E, 11.3k)

Make This Home Yours (E, 10.8k)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yes! I like engaging with my readers, sometimes I'm just very slow. Or like in the context of a wip, I don't always respond until I'm ready to post the next chapter. Which can be very quick or very slow, depending.

6. What is a fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

If Love Was Labeled Poison (E), definitely, easily, by a mile. It's a wip, but it was originally written as just this first chapter. And its ending is heartbreaking. And it's still not gonna be the happiest ending when I post the following two either.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Most of my fics have happy endings, so just a fic that's extremely precious to me in its healing feelings: and it was enough (T)

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I wouldn't call it hate. There have been a couple weird comments I've deleted since entering VLD's fandom space about headcanons but I don't think it's hate. Just people being kind of asses. And in general it doesn't bother me, most of the comments I get are glowing.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

So much smut. Very kinky, queer smut. No one is hetero and no one is cis. I generally try and tag dynamics and kinks used though so no one gets jump scared.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

No. I mean, I've thought about it, but in the end, I just end up pulling elements from what would be the borrowed setting for the characters I want to write for. I'm not generally the sort who would dabble in crossover character interactions for longfic. Maybe in a silly drabble, if someone requested some of my favs.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I'm aware of.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes, but I'm unsure if those translations are still available somewhere.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

A long, long time ago, in a galaxy far away, before the time of ao3. But not since. I do have a couple ideas with one of my partners that we might hash out eventually.

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

Honestly? I love all my ships, I couldn't exactly rank them and it depends entirely on my mood. But, if there's one ship I'll always come back to, it's probably tddk, it's my comfort ship, they're always there for me. I have written exactly one fic, but they mean a lot to me. I'm going to write them more. (On that note, please give The Tea Shoppe at the End of Time (T) some love).

15. What's a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

I don't think I have one. I know I have some old wips, but I do plan to go back and polish them up and finish them out.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I'd say... probably emotionally evocative imagery and metaphor, I think? I'm very much a smut author, but I think my imagery deserves note. Probably also snarky dialogue I love me some snarky ships.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Fight scenes. Yep. Fight scenes.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I like it, I support it, sometimes I do it. It can feel very intimate, but I try and have a native speaker double check my work, and always leave translation notes for my readers.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Oh, if we reach way back when... Probably Yuyu Hakusho or One Piece. But who knows where those ran off to. It was before ao3 times. I wasn't even an adult.

20. Favorite fic you've written?

To be honest, I can't really pick a favorite. But if I had to pick a writing I've done I think people should read (that I haven't already mentioned) I present Pettiness in Portraiture (E). Mind the tags, it's fucking rough.