#its 1 am and i have to be up at 6....whoops

[smilesatdawnmain]

Big Family Au

Pick your Adventure 1

(Day with MK Part 3)

Previous

Next

—-//

After some debate, you decide on the Silken Cradle.

The Silken Cradle was a shop tucked away at the end of the market road, its entrance framed by cascading silk banners in every color imaginable. The air inside was warm and fragrant, carrying the scent of incense and freshly dyed fabric. Bolts of silk, satin, and brocade lined the walls, their patterns ranging from delicate floral motifs to bold, geometric designs.

As you got a little closer, MK seemed a tad tense, noting a very particular symbol above the door of a Spider atop a purple rose. “That’s-” he turned sharply to you, giving a toothy and rather nervous smile, “Y-You sure you want this shop??” he tossed his hands around, “I mean cause- cause uhhhh- there is an exciting shoe shop right down the road that would probably be so much more exciting, right?? Who cares about clothes-”

“Who cares about “Clothes”??” a chilling voice repeated his outrageous words.

MK nearly leapt two feet in the air, squeaking loudly and rushing to hide behind you, cowering.

The voice belonged to a tall, elegant figure who emerged from the shadows of the shop. Her long, silken hair as dark midnight, and her eyes glimmered with a mix of amusement and mild irritation.

"Xiaotian," she said, her voice smooth but laced with a teasing edge, "are you suggesting my craftsmanship is... unworthy of attention?" She raised an eyebrow, her lips curling into a sly smile.

MK peeked out from behind you, pale, “W-What? N-No no! Not at all Ms. C-Chyou-” he stammered.

“I thought so. Well, I must say I’m surprised little Monkey Kid. I thought for sure I wouldn’t see you near our new shop any time soon,” She chuckled lightly, gesturing with an elegant finger for you to approach, “And who is this little friend of yours?”

“This is Anon,” MK said, still half-hiding behind you, though he managed to straighten up a bit. “They’re, uh, new to the Mountain. I’m just showing them around.”

Ms. Chyou’s gaze shifted to you, her sharp eyes softening slightly as she took you in. “Ah, a visitor. How delightful.” She stepped closer, her movements fluid and graceful, like a spider weaving its web. “Welcome to the Silken Cradle. I’m Chyou, the proprietor of this humble establishment.” a single finger of hers slips below your chin, lifting it slightly to examine you closer. “Fourth Daughter of the Violet Spider Demon, Ruler of the Webbed Hollow.” she removes her hand, noting how you seemed a little puzzled

MK was quick to awkwardly fill in the blanks, “A-A new ally of Flower Fruit Mountain. She is also my Big Brother Haoyu’s-”

(Totally forgot her forehead markings- whoops)

“Yes, we are a small domain towards the South called the Webbed Hollow.” She gave MK a pointed look. “I am here to establish our first official shop within your lands and ensure it’s set up is successful-” her lips curled, “Regardless of my relation to your elder Brother.”

MK’s cheeks burn and he looked down, nodding quietly.

That rings a bell with you, the name Webbed Hollow. A small domain that didn’t have a lot of physical power, but an incredible amount of wealth for the silk it trades. Ruled by the Violet Spider, a powerful demon, and her 6 daughters. It seems they have recently established an alliance with Flower Fruit Mountain. You realize this woman herself is a Spider Demon- and someone MK seems to be quite… nervous around? He was fidgeting nonstop.

Ms. Chyou’s lips curved into a knowing smile as she stepped back, her hands clasped elegantly in front of her. “Now, what brings you to my shop, little one? Are you in need of a new garment, or perhaps something more... exquisite?” she gestures back towards, “I admit, I am not as skilled as my Sisters in the craft, but I have brought many of their designs with me. Many across the realm spend quite the pretty penny even to look at such a collection.,” she tapped her chin, “hmm… Perhaps, if you were to wear it during your tours as free advertising, I could offer a free piece in this collection.” She considered that. “What do you say?”

Option A

Option B

Next part

[airbender-dacyon]

Benlynn Parallels & Analysis

Alright, so this is by no means an exhaustive list, just what I am able to recall right now, but here's some of the Ben & Brooklynn parallels I noticed from Season 1 of Chaos Theory, as well as a few under the cut that are speculation based on trailers and promos from Season 2 (so spoiler warning for those). And I ended up doing more analysis on this than I intended, whoops.

Apologies for the long post, but I wanted to keep any spoilers under the cut and this ended up being much longer than I planned. I also apologize because it's been a minute since I've been able to watch Camp Cretaceous in its entirety and a bit since I last watched S1 of Chaos Theory so I hope my memory is right on most of this.

Also, this is meant to just be a fun post. It is a ship post, but I also acknowledge that the parallels likely don't mean anything beyond they're friends with shared interests/similar traits (if they even mean that).

Dark Jurassic Nerds

"What about that website I showed you?" "OMG. Dark Jurassic? Yes. Amazing." "Isn't it?"

Ben, in a surprising twist to me, was the one to discover Dark Jurassic. When Camp Cretaceous ended, I wouldn't have guessed he would be the one to become invested in a social media site. I will say that it makes sense that Brooklynn, having grown up as a social media influencer, was staying away from social media more after the Nublar Six returned home and that she didn't come across Dark Jurassic sooner. Regardless, the pair are both heavily invested in the website, though Brooklynn seems to have vetted the theories more than Ben, given her interaction with Yaz:

So it seems like Ben had a habit of sending a lot of stuff he found interesting her way, but only a few things, like the Dino Immersion Therapy, Brooklynn found to be legit.

2. "Okay, at first, I was like, ugh. But this view!"

I still think it is surprising that between Ben's flashback and Kenji's flashback, Brooklynn expresses more excitement over the view of a pretty ordinary skyline from the rooftop of a college dormitory that Ben shows her during her surprise visit than she does the bioluminescent Parasaurolophus at sunset amidst cliffs and a waterfall that her boyfriend of 5+ years had planned as a big romantic gesture.

We don't know the exact date when Brooklynn visited Ben at college, so I fully admit that probably plays a big part in the difference in Brooklynn's reaction. Since this is shortly after Ben introduced Brooklynn to Dark Jurassic and we know that 1) Brooklynn visited Yaz 14 months before the start of Season 1 and 2) Kenji broke up with Brooklynn shortly before (at least a few weeks, I believe) her apparent death roughly 6 months before S1, the Benlynn flashback takes place at least 14 months before S1, probably even earlier than that. Heck, it might be 18-24 months before S1. So, obviously Brooklynn is in a much healthier headspace in Ben's flashback whereas she had become obsessed with uncovering the dinosaur trafficking conspiracy by the time of Kenji's flashback, resulting in her indirectly neglecting her relationship with him.

3. Funny Stories, Personal Questions, & Other Shared Interests?

"Uh, yeah. College is great, but sometimes I gotta get outside just to feel like I can breathe." "Weird how it can be so hard to feel normal, now that everything is so... normal." "See those Pteranodons up there?" "Uh-huh." "One of them grabbed a freshman's backpack and took off with it." "No way." "She had to tell her professor that a dinosaur ate her homework." [Brooklynn laughs] "What?" "That's really funny." "Well, not to her. She failed her assignment." [Brooklynn laughs harder] "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. No, I'm sorry, that's really sad." [Snorts] "That's sad." "The point is, I don't know if there's such a thing as normal anymore." "Yeah."

It hadn't been my intention to quote such a large chunk of the flashback, but I do find it interesting how this interaction between these two played out. Ben & Brooklynn had only a handful of scenes - more accurately, a handful of interactions - together in Camp Cretaceous. And so to see these two alone together and enjoying each other's company was refreshing to see. Again, this isn't a 'they shared a moment together, now they're going to end up together' post. The fact that there was a significant flashback that highlighted how Ben & Brooklynn get along, despite not being one of the other's closest friends within the Nublar Six, was a stellar choice. They could have easily done for Ben what they did with Sammy: a very brief, but still impactful memory/vision of Brooklynn.

But in this scene, it's neat that Ben is telling the story to reassure Brooklynn that 1) even though they've been home safe from Nublar for years now, their experiences will never go away and 2) prehistoric wildlife is out in the world, "normal" doesn't really exist and they shouldn't expect it to. Like on Nublar, they have to adapt to the new dynamic. But, intentionally or not, Ben is also telling the story in a very humorous way, which results in Brooklynn's laughter. And whether you see the moment as shippy or just friends, it was pretty adorable to see Ben making Brooklynn laugh.

The scene on the rooftop also begins in a rather interesting way, as Ben's dialogue starts by announcing the rooftop view is his favorite spot on campus, followed by why he goes there/gets outside. So, presumably, Brooklynn had asked him how college was going. And after the Pteranodon story, Ben does something unique to the flashbacks we've seen in Season 1.

He asks Brooklynn how she's been doing.

"Anyway, how's everything with you? Any cool stories you're working on? Wrongs to be righted? Buried truths to be uncovered?" [Laughs] "Trying. It is hard out there for a reformed "social media influencer turned aspiring investigative journalist."

Now again, I fully recognize this is the easiest catalyst in the flashback to introduce Brooklynn's interest/activity in Dark Jurassic. And I also fully recognize that we haven't seen Darius' flashback with Brooklynn yet and Sammy's vision/memory of Brooklynn is too short to really compare to the other three we've seen so far.

However, in Yaz's flashback, we see Brooklynn is the one helping her with the Dino Immersion Therapy and inquiring about how she's doing, why she's there instead of Sammy, etc. And in Kenji's flashback, we see that he's so excited to share the view he's discovered with Brooklynn. And when she is too distracted (presumably by her mission) to acknowledge the beauty of the moment, Kenji breaks up with her and his dialogue suggests this has been happening for a while.

The video recordings of the earlier Kenlynn date and when the Nublar Six returned home at least give us a glimpse into happier times. But with regards to the flashbacks, while Brooklynn is likely there to check up on her friend (unannounced and strangely late in the evening from the looks of it), Ben's flashback is the only one where the focus seems to be on both characters equally rather than Brooklynn acting in a supporting/secondary role in the scene.

A much smaller parallel, likely unintentional, is that Ben and Brooklynn seem to (almost) have matching outfits in the flashback.

Continuing from that, and acknowledging similar outfits is already a stretch, I guess there is a parallel with music? Kinda?

We see in Brooklynn's video call to Darius that she is wearing what looks like a band/album T-shirt and Ben has become quite the fan of rock music. Some of the concept art for Ben's dorm room also showcased several band posters, if I recall correctly.

So, while not a certainty, it seems they could have also developed a connection through similar music tastes, though this is a fair bit of speculation.

4. Boots

Another parallel that's a stretch, but Ben eating food out of a boot seemed really, really odd when it was introduced. Perhaps out of desperation, maybe he accidentally broke his last bowl or ran out of disposable ones? Who knows. An odd choice, especially with the later Ruby Ropes container conversation being weird enough on its own that the food boot seemed excessive.

But then it was shown that Brooklynn also had an unfortunate boot-related habit, though fortunately nowhere near as disgusting. Kenji trips over one of her boots and comments on it, with Darius also having suffered from the problem:

"She was always leaving these in the middle of the floor. It was so annoying. I was so afraid I was gonna-" "Break your neck?" "Did she do that when she was staying with you after we broke up?" [Chuckles] "I swear she did it just to annoy us."

Again, this one's a big stretch, but it felt like a possibility.

5. A specific set of skills

Or, rather, just one skill. I can't remember if any other members of the Nublar Six ever picked any locks throughout the shows, but Ben having a set of dedicated lock picks was an interesting development. All of the N6 have picked up new skills in the time between CC and CT, but Ben's activities - and this skill in particular - seem to mirror a lot of Brooklynn's.

6. Conspiracy Boards

Again, going back to the fact that Brooklynn was more interested in legitimate stories and credible theories, Ben's board is quite a mess while Brooklynn's is more refined. Ben's looking into all the possibilities, no matter how ridiculous they might be, whereas Brooklynn is focused on (presumably) unraveling the dinosaur trafficking conspiracy and anything else nefarious that might be going on in relation to it.

7. Season 1 Bookends (unused)

I don't want to repost the art without permission and I really want to get the post up today, so credit to Brandon Roberts in this concept art post here. It shows Ben on his laptop in his dorm room.

However, I will provide the description Brandon Roberts gave, as well as the confirmation by Scott Kreamer on the post:

This would have been an interesting parallel and way to bookend the season: opening with Ben on Dark Jurassic getting vague messages and closing out with Ronnie sending vague messages to someone on Dark Jurassic and the reveal that it's Brooklynn.

And only time will tell if there is something real between these two. Or it might all be just an illusion.

"There's definitely some pretty out-there stuff on there, but every so often there's something that seems, I don't know..." "Real?" "Real."

And aside from the spoilery speculation below, I think this might be it. There could be other parallels I'd thought of previously, but as of right now, this is all I can remember. If you made it this far, thanks for reading my inane ramblings. I hope you enjoyed!

Also, shoutouts to @p0m0u and @kitabearuwu for being the inspiration for me falling down the Benlynn rabbit hole and continued inspiration since (we'll see if I can get my Benlynn fic done by tomorrow), especially their posts here, here, here, and here. And special thanks to @p0m0u for letting me use the beautiful gifs she made in this post!

Spoilers for Season 2 Trailers & Promo material under the cut!

Starting from what I feel is the weakest parallel to the strongest:

8. Why are you holding that in your mouth?

When I saw the tweezers or tool or whatever fall from Brooklynn's mouth, I swear I'd seen Ben do something like it before in the show. I tried to scour Season 1 of CT to find it, but to no avail. I then remembered where I'd seen something similar, back in Season 4 of CC. Again, leading with the weakest parallel here, but like the boots, I find it interesting and odd that both of them have held things in their mouths - and these are things that probably shouldn't be held in their mouths - only to drop them at some point during the scene. Ben's out of relief that the BRAD is gone, Brooklynn's potentially by whoever is breaking into her location (if the clips immediately before and after are part of the same scene).

9. You're great and I like you, but...

Given that it looks like we'll have a Darius and Brooklynn flashback finally, I have to wonder, will it play out in a similar vein to the Ben & Yaz moment in S4 of CC? We know that Ben mistook Yaz's interest in getting him away from Kenji & Brooklynn so that Kenlynn could develop as romantic interest. What if we see Brooklynn realize Darius' growing affection for her and makes it clear in a similar way?

I'm not saying we'll get a "Darius, look, you're a great guy and I like you. But I just don't like like you." But possibly something similar.

10. What? You've never seen a ghost before?

We'll see if this turns out to be another 'back from the dead' moment or not, but it has that kind of vibe to me. And I have to credit @p0m0u for pointing it out to me originally. Fingers crossed, it seems like a perfect setup for Ben's line to make a comeback!

And I think that's everything for now!

[celira]

tagged by the fantastic @beyoncesfiancee (whose stories you should go read like yesterday)! ...this list reminds me i never finished reposting the rest of my whumptober 2023 ficlets... they're even all edited and ready to go whoops

Rules: share the first lines of ten of your latest fanfics (or up to if you have less!) & tag 10 people.

(it's all TLT, surprise surprise)

1. none of us (here) (Gideon & Harrow whump ficlets)

"Skin hunger" is a curious name, at once evocative and clinical, sordid and distant.

2. a fowl diversion, unnamed (pre-canon TLT x Untitled Goose Game, crack treated earnestly if not exactly seriously)

A new day dawns.

3. language of its own (pre-canon Campal dealing with erotic poetry finals)

Camilla dropped the sheaf of flimsy at the end of the table, sat heavily, and didn't move.

4. per my last email (academia AU Campal semi-epistolary...sort of)(so what counts as the first line??? i included the headers but did not count them)

From: psextus@gs.canaan.edu To: chect@gs.canaan.edu Subject: latest articles for JINO cam. tell me you’ve seen this trainwreck

5. lend me some sugar (i am your neighbor) (Juno Zeta/Pyrrha crack. arguably canon-compliant)

Meeting Minutes [n.b.: Full meeting was not called. Only one group member was present upon arrival of dignitary. —JZ]

6. Disaccharides (cloyingly sweet - in multiple senses - modern AU Campal)

Baking is a science much in the way that chemistry is an art: precision and observation spool out the thread that weaves their components together, and past a certain point, the ineffable sneaks in through the spaces in between scales and measures – the student draws from trial and error that slowly takes its own form until at some point, repetition becomes experience; instruction turns into memorization turns into ritual turns into instinct, and creative intuition elevates it all.

7. in this, too, i am steadfast (As Yet Unsent/pre-Nt9 gapfiller Camilla whump)

Words had never been Camilla's main wield.

8. self-immolation to save on heating (modern AU Pyrrha having a stream-of-consciousness crisis over Cam & Pal)

The thing about loving landmines in human form is–

9. set me in your threshold (Nona-era Camilla-centric magical realism, shades of Campal, ambiguous Campaldulcie)

The Building had plenty of its own mythos before it encountered the likes of half a former Lyctor, the necromantic heir of the Sixth House, the person who was more than just his embodiment but less than her own entity, and their collective ward.

10. Stereography (worldbuilding-y Camilla character study borne of my Paul feelings, Campal-flavored, first TLT fic)

The listening room rested in the outer edge of the Library, far enough from neighboring research spaces to avoid showering them with what few frequencies – some in waveforms coherent enough to hint at songs or dialogue, some that could only be tactfully called noise – might escape its soundproofing.

exposition, babeyyyyy! or something. tagging the ineffable @fortjester @arithmonym @theriverbeyond @thesaintofpatience @scholar-hect @heliocharis hmm i feel like some of you have already done this guy before so i will leave it there

[theartsanityshoppe]

Zooms in here HI HI HI it feels like I'm sending this late lmao... I got mega swamped by work right after I rb'd the oc ask post :') ANYWAY I honestly love your guys so much your worlds are filled with so much personality and colour!!

For Flint once again (wym i am biased): 1+2, 6, 7, 10 (mostly just the first half), and 16!

I also wanna you a chance to go wild and ramble about some of your other guys, so these ones are for anyone of your choice!!

1, 2, 12, and 20!

KAFJGAKDFJGADFG THANK YOU ✨ SENPAI ✨ I say, being upwards to 10 years older than you lmao YOUR WORDS MEAN SO MUCH TO MEEEEEEEE [also what bias what are you talking about there's no clear biases for either of us, no, never.] This ended up HELLA long so I'm adding a cut here! [seriously this post got LONG - over 2300 words long hahaha whoops]

[For Flint!] What was the original thought that led to the creation of this character?

THIS IS LITERALLY MY FAVORITE STORY TO TELL SO BUCKLE UP KIDDOS EHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE

To make a long story as short as possible haha I used to have nightmares wherein I was being chased by something, or someone, but never knew or saw what it was. A lot of these nightmares also had me running into family and other important people in my life and having them full out ignore my issues [a major problem I dealt with thanks to my health for a long time] and the 'story' of the dream would change... but somewhere, in the back of my mind, I still knew I was supposed to be 'escaping' something and if it caught me, it was really really bad. BUT usually I'd wake up before anything could happen anyway.

WELL ONE NIGHT I had one of these dreams and it was more...cinematic than anything else and I was BOOKIN' it, actively getting away from someone chasing me. It felt more like akin to maybe a cheap spy movie or something haha where I was running through tunnels and inside some secret building. Anyway, I find a ladder that goes up into a very tight/rounded tunnel straight up to the roof and I take that. As I'm climbing, I'm getting a sense of relief that I'm FINALLY getting away from whatever is chasing me and I'm trying to decide what to do next as I reach the top and go to open the trap door above me when suddenly it opens on its own from the outside and I'm blinded by a bright light.

As the light clears, I see none other than the Detective himself, who is just as surprised to see me as I am him, and I think to myself "Oh! Good! Maybe he's here to help me!" when, as if on cue, Flint gives me the BIGGEST shit eating grin ever [aka how I always tend to draw him ahah] and the very last thing I remember before waking up is thinking "OH MAYBE NOT." and boom. I was awake.

I couldn't get that dream out of my head for WEEKS and eventually just had to draw him!

2/6. [For Flint!] What was the first thing you decided on, the character's name, appearance, personality or their role in the story? / What was the thought process behind their appearance? Did you go mostly for the aesthetic or are there other reasons they look the way they do?

I'm merging these two since they answer each other! His design was basically finalized from the get go in that dream, minus maybe a detail or two. For example [and I wish I had access to the image but I'm not on my ipad] his first sketch had him wearing a weird X across his chest, maybe out of leather straps or something? But otherwise his outfit was basically 100% the same, I just made his jacket a bit more form fitting and the straps on his arms were more for looks than functionality like they are now. I think overall he was waaay skinnier [my old style] and his head was way more thin/oval than it is now.

But aside from that he basically just materialized to me in that dream as is. His GUNS on the other hand, I had to do research on and design myself akdfjgakdfjgadfkgj. [I took heavy inspo off of Vash's guns from Trigun] His personality also developed pretty quickly - at least the whole "him being a little shit" part did haha, otherwise he was originally supposed to be an assassin turned body guard for little Blossom, with Cy being a thief turned bodyguard for her as well, making them a sort of odd-couple style trio. Clearly that was all dropped, minus Cy being a thief lol. I believe I knew from the get go, however, that he'd be the "main" character, if I were to put him into one. Otherwise his name was 100% last as I routinely referred to him as "Flame head" for a very long time - in fact that's why Cy's called Cy hahaha it was short for Cyclops.

I'll try to remember to add the very first sketch I did of him to this when I get home tonight - it's even in color and everything.

7. [For Flint!] What is an aspect of their appearance that you like the most?

His giant grin hehehehe, but I'm a sucker for giant smiles like that, that can't physically fit on the characters face if they were real. Otherwise I've always loved his head in general - even if I tend to forget how I want to make his 'hair' flames look sometimes and they come out looking wonky to me, they're still my favorite. I just wish I had more confidence to try animating it haha

10. [For Flint!] What is their main character arc in the story? Where do they start and how do they develop? Do they get a happy ending or is their story a tragic one?

Ah man, so much ahahaha, they are THE main character after all! As for the storyline specific timeline... Idk yet haha I keep changing when and where the story will start IN his timeline. But I can say at the very least that I do plan on him having an arc of course - he starts off being very cocky, very headstrong/sure of himself, and quick to want to show off or show up someone else, and has actually less desire to actually help others without getting paid in return. It's only after he meets Lotti that he starts actually paying more attention to the clients themselves and less about the thrill or the excitement of the case.

His [very short recap cuz I wanna keep his story vague] backstory is basically he was abandoned as a kid [don't really have a specific age, but at least old enough to know that he was actively abandoned and hold resentment for it] and more or less just lived on the streets, stealing and fighting, getting into trouble and slowly but surely heading down a dark path of no return, before he happens to meet Detective Michelle [no surname atm] who, rather forcibly, takes Flint in and makes him her protege. He had no friends growing up, was rarely allowed anywhere and usually verbally and sometimes physically attacked because his flame head is unusual even for this world, and his bad attitude led him to starting fist fights at the slightest provocation. Not to mention literally no where used sign language and made communicating nearly impossible for him.

After Det. Michelle's death however, Flint had already grown up quite a lot and in a very Animal Crossing New Leaf way, accidentally got himself hired in Neo Oldesville as the new lead [and at the time only] Detective haha. [aka he just showed up one day to his mentors old office to store it up, and everyone thought he was the detective and he just accepted it haha]

From the start he's completely against friendships and bonds, and finds them weird - but as he starts actually helping people/being friendly to them, and they start sticking around/even learn sign language to communicate with him. Only then is when he starts to soften and eventually turn more into a big brother figure for most of his bonds. He does still have a hard time asking for help however and tends to do everything himself, a trait that follows him through the story and ends up nearly getting him killed at least once.

But Lotti, Blossom, Columbo+Bennie, Locke now, and even Cy are all vital to his growth as a character as for the first time through them he actually has a "family" - even if they are just friends. He slowly starts wanting to do better and be better not just for himself, but for them too.

I've been actively changing pieces though as I want his and Cy's story arcs to compliment each other but not be 100% the same, [the whole night/day thing I have going with them] and currently her arc is practically the same haha. So mostly she's been getting rewrites atm as well as her sisters, to try and balance it with his.

As he is the main character and I plan on making this story into games at some point, I can say at least for now, that his story has a happy ending, as I hope to make multiple games with him as the MC.

16. [For Flint!] Is there any memes or running jokes associated with the character, both in- and out of universe?

Man, I wish there were more hahaha. I mean, I think I had a one off gag I wanted to turn into the same style of comics I was doing last year in which Mr. Affogato learns that both Lotti and Flint are basically sluts haha. JK but the joke was they'd both absolutely go on dates with someone just to get free meals and nothing else.

Other than that, I guess the main running gag is NEVER LET FLINT DRIVE. Ever. You will arrive in pieces, on fire, and with only one tire left XD

As for in real life the current gag is this image, because I got a few car magnets made hehehe

A few of us now have this, including my friend who also works at the same place I do hehehehe. Weirdly I've learned everyone thought those were his feet, not his hands hahaha.

1, 2, 12, and 20 for anyone else!

I'mma keep it Neo Oldesville themed I think, and a bit shorter as this has gotten really long hahaha.

1/2. What was the original thought that led to the creation of this character? / How long was the process before the character reached its final version? (or a version that would be clearly recognizable as the character?)

I'm picking Cy for this one! Since she's supposed to be the deuterogamist to the story alongside Flint haha.

She, like Flint, actually came to me in a dream too! A different one, and she was a Prince in that one, but was still wearing a weirdly oversized, 1980s themed wind breaker jacket. But also had a rapier and kept trying to seduce me lol. She has gone through a lot of changes, at least outfit wise, and I am FINALLY happy with how she looks now. I cringe... when I look at her old outfit honestly hahaha I've almost been tempted to redo just her in some older images I still really love but just...hate how she looks.

I decided to keep the 80s vibes with her, which also played into her getting a yo-yo for a weapon and her roller skates. That and projection as I really really wish I could skate kjdfgkajd

As for her current color scheme, I worked hard to try and keep it more darker/night themed [even tho she has a lot of off white] and threw in the yellow line specifically for Flint, seeing as his design has a dark purple tie that almost matches her purple. tho..I mean technically Flint's outfit is even darker than hers, its just his head that's sun coded OTL. I did a TON of mock ups for her current design and went through trials and tribulations for picking her color scheme too lfjkgakdfg wish I knew where THOSE images were haha

12. Do you have a playlist for the character? What songs do you associate with them and why?

Also for Neo Oldesville! AND YES. WHY YES I DO. XD It's mostly my own person itunes playlist, as I don't do spotify and I haven't properly updated the youtube one I have, but Neo Oldesville has one over all that I adore listening too. Mostly it's Undertale/Deltarune, Sailor Moon, and Ace Attorney music hahahaha the funny thing is I've literally never played Undertale or Deltarune once. I just adore the music.

Some specifics tho - for Flint, Cy, Lotti, and Query only.

🔥For Flint my favorites for him are the following [with links to youtube]

Ace Attorney: Investigation ~ Cornered [his main theme honestly] Field of Hopes and Dreams [another main theme for him] Namachuukei 68 (X68000) - Game Over [honestly this whole soundtrack is fire for him] Tobashite Taxi Man · Yurie Kokubu [lyrically it doesn't fit him but I adore it and that's all that matters hahahahaha]

👁️For Cy, she has a lot less, mostly because I'd see her with more melancholic/slower songs, but ... I hate those ones hahahaha. I think currently all of hers are from Undertale hahahah!

Dummy! - Undertale [what plays in my head when she and Flint are tormenting each other... that or the Benny Hill theme lmao] Death By Glamour - Undertale [her main theme tbh] Heartache - Undertale

💗For Lotti! Her's is mostly Sailor Moon music hehe

Sailor Moon SuperS OST - Usagi and Chibiusa [especially the second half of the piece - this is her main theme atm] Sailor Moon OST - Scatterbrain Soda Soda - by nogika_chaba on YT The ending theme to Sailor Moon Super S [this fits for literally the whole cast haha I love imagining an anime ending credit for it]

❔For Query!

Zinnia Encounter Theme [her main theme] Zinnie Battle Theme [also a main theme. She's gunna KICK your ass!]

[katyawriteswhump]

the power of love, part 14

Sorry about Sunday's empty post ☹️ I must've accidentally put a draft template in my queue because I am basically tired and rubbish and life isn’t the greatest right now. Anyhow.... Whoops and really sorry again!

Alternate ending S4: Steve has a habit of surviving near death experiences then getting sick for no reason. And Eddie and those fatal bat bites? After an impossible feat of mouth-to-mouth resuscitation from Steve, he’s mysteriously fixed. So, Eddie’s back to being banished, this time with Steve and Robin in tow. Eddie’s healing, but Steve isn’t… and life gets even more confusing, when Eddie develops feelings for Steve, which aren’t entirely unrequited.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 15

(also on AO3 here and as part of my steve whump fic series)

Eddie POV

When neither Steve nor Robin show up after ten minutes, Eddie begins to freak out. 

He, Hopper and El are still waiting for the car, out of sight among some ferns. Hopper’s getting antsy, muttering beneath his breath, while Eddie’s wriggling like he’s got ants in his pants. Which he genuinely might have, though that’s not what’s bugging him:

“Uuuuh, shall I see what’s taking them so long?”

“You do that,” says Hopper. “What’s going on with that guy? He could barely stand! How the hell could he…”

Eddie tunes out, retracing their journey into the trees, calling Robin’s name then Steve’s. Maybe Steve passed out, and Robin got lost searching? Somehow, he doesn’t buy it. A heaviness slows his feet, and his guts twist sourly. 

They wouldn’t just ditch him. Surely? Surely!?! 

Fifteen minutes later, he winds up where he started: “They’re not back?” 

“What do you reckon?” Hopper’s breathing hard and red in the face. Evidently, he’s been running in circles like Eddie has.

“This is for you.” El nudges Eddie and presses a scrap of paper into his hand. “I think Steve left it.”

“What? Where?” Eddie’s stomach clamps tight again. 

Her eyes stretch very wide. “Fell out of your pack.”

Turning the note over in his hands, his fingers stiffen, as if shrinking from the task, bracing for… something. In the event, he gets a literal slap around the face.

“You make me sick,” Steve wrote.

Eddie’s skin burns with the blow. Wow! This is why I never have and never freakin’ will write love songs.

“What does he say?” demands Hopper.

Eddie scans the note one more time, scrunches it in his fist. “I’d hazard a guess he’s gone back to Hawkins.”

“Goddammit! Robin’s gone with him?”

“I think that’s a safe bet.” A wobble in the back of Eddie’s throat finds its way into his voice. Because, boy, is he still processing.

You make me sick. 

What does that even mean? To be fair, Eddie did make Steve sick. More than once. But why the heck write… that. Would suck less to be dumped without a word. 

Thanks for the overkill, man.

“Don’t you even think about scooting off,” growls Hopper. “Your uncle would never forgive me.” 

Oh yeah. Wayne. The only person who ever actually cared about him.

Eddie plonks his butt down on the ground and waits for the car.

…

Steve POV

“C’mon, giddy up,” says Steve. He and Robin make their way along the muddy bank of the stream towards home.

“Is this some kind of race?” she asks. “While I’d forgotten your former life as a douchebag jock, you’re doing a stunning job of reminding me, and… Uuuuugh!” 

“Jesus Christ, what’s wrong this time?” He spirals about, plants his hands on his hips—he’d ditched the sling a while ago. 

She scrubs madly at her lips. “I swallowed a bug! Ugh, ugh, ugh, mega-gross. Eeeeurgh!”

“Maybe if you weren’t complaining, like, constantly, there’d be less opportunities for bugs to get in.” 

“You shut up, shit-bird! I could die of malaria.” She spits into the stream. “Ew! EEEEEEEW!” 

“Ssssh! Hop said the military will be crawling everywhere soon, or—”

“Eddie might hear?” His heart heaves a loaded thud. She looks back sharply, purses her lips. “You know, he could be lost in the wilderness, all alone. Being hunted by evil army thugs. Or bears! Did you think of that when you sauntered off?”

“I did, yeah. I left him a message saying not to follow.” He shades his face from the afternoon sunlight, which shafts between the trees. Also, he can’t look her straight on and say this: “It was kinda brutal, I guess. It was for his own good, right?”

“Oh. Riiiight.”

“You done spewing insects?” he snaps.

“Still heavily grossed-out here. Gimme a minute, ’kay?” She plonks herself on a rock, crumpling forward.

He mops his brow, strips his sweater, and takes the opportunity to check in on his bat bites. They’re still sore, the bandages a bit bloody. Nothing too fresh, though. For the billionth time, his thoughts fly back to Eddie. He hopes Eddie doesn’t get hurt and need healing while they’re apart, and… Holy shit, will he ever see him again? He ties his sweater around his hips, trying to make fumbling hands look casual.

“Steve? You okay?”

“Other than the fact I’m modelling a ‘shoot-me-now-why don’t-you?’ Hellfire Club t-shirt,”—and that I want to punch myself in the face about that moronic note—“I’m good, Robin.”

“You know what? I don’t doubt it.” She brushes her flyaway hair from suspicious eyes. “You’ve gone from death’s door to super-human speed in, oh, I don’t know—feels to me that we’ve been marching for a week. I think it’s been barely an hour.”

“Yeah? We got a long way to go then.” He starts off along the stream’s edge, forcibly slowing his pace. He senses her puffing, panting, then following on his heels.

“Look, Steve, this water goddess who’s pulling you back, whispering in your ear—”

“I can’t actually tell if they’re male or female. Does that matter?”

“Not in the slightest. So, your water… deity. Have they, by any chance, enlightened you as to some kind of divine plan? Or told you exactly where you’re heading?” 

“I got an idea where I’m going, yeah.” To the second place he died, swept away on that blood-red tide—even now, he sees it in his head, like a few frames of a horror VHS stuck on eternal repeat. “Where’s the best place for army generals with dodgy agendas to hang out in Hawkins? There’s never been an army base, apart from—”

“You’re kidding me?” She grabs his elbow, jerking him back. “The Soviet tunnels?” He nods, and her obvious dread has her dropping him like a stone. “No way! I don’t think I can go anywhere near without a major panic attack."

“I’m not gonna march straight in.” He’s already wandering on. Trouble is, now he’s said the idea out loud, it’s become real and terrible. And he’s gotta pretend like his blood’s not congealing to ice. “I don’t know how I’m gonna get in anyhow. I mean, the Starcourt lift is buried under a ton of rubble. I think Hop might’ve know other ways—”

“Oooh, I got a great idea. Let’s go back and ask him.”

“Yeah, real subtle.”

“Steve!” She seizes him again, twisting him around with a furious force. “I know you want to help El, but what can you ACTUALLY DO?” He shrugs before he can stop himself. “Rain? Lightning? How does that benefit us—especially in underground tunnels? Plus you’ve had literally zero time for practice. If we don’t slow down and come up with a decent plan, this is tantamount to suicide.”

“We? Seriously, Robin, I…” His teeth clamp his lower lip. Any moment now, he’ll tell her how terrified he is, how he really, really doesn’t want to get tortured again, let alone die; how the idea of anything bad happening to her is as frightening as any of it. “I don’t think I have much choice.”

“Steve,” she says, gentler now, though her grip gouges into his flesh. “It’s screamingly obvious you’re not thinking straight. You’ve been ill for days and now you’re in a funk, beating yourself up over Eddie.”

He yanks himself free, glares. “That doesn’t make any dif—"

“Bullshit! Trust me, however ‘mean boy’ your literary masterpiece got, Eddie won’t want you to do anything this dumb. Oh, and your resident gender-fluid angel saved your life. They’re not gonna want you to sacrifice it pointlessly.”

He opens his mouth to argue, then shuts it again. He laughs—not a particularly happy laugh, but not totally miserable either. “You win,” he says, kinda sagging with relief. “You got a plan, smarty-pants?”

She laughs with him, equally edgy. “I say we go to Lover’s Lake, wait till it’s dark. If that’s too dangerous, we find some hidden pool where you can practise whatever badass moves you think you got. Hopefully without the puking. It’ll be a bit like Band Camp. But for Magic. Magic Camp. Okay?”

“You really aren’t gonna be happy until I’m a bigger nerd that any of… Shit!” 

He’s been considering hugging her. Instead, he seizes her sleeve, dragging her down into a deep, wet gully. They land with a splash, crouching low, close. She doesn’t complain, because she’s heard what he has.

The distant sound of barking dogs. Likely, army search dogs.

“Dog barks travel for miles, huh?” he whispers.

“Possibly.” She sucks in a scared breath. “One thing for sure—those sniffy wet snouts can pick up a human scent from the next county.”

“We’re in a stream, Robin. They can’t pick up our scent here, right?”

She crinkles her nose, dubious. “Dogs’ sense of smell is pretty amazing.”

“Yeah? Let’s hope this bunch caught colds or something.” 

He’s now the one clutching her way too tight, and he half-wishes he’d ditched her with a bitchy note too. Though, not quite. She smart; he needs her, and she’s really has gotten him thinking clearer: 

“We head for Lover’s Lake. C’mon.”

…

Eddie POV

When the sound of the car engine finally reaches his hearing, Eddie feels almost nothing.

“Don’t move.” Hopper pitches Eddie a forbidding look and grabs El, keeping them low behind the ferns. 

An owl hoots. Despite the hollowness in his chest, Eddie silently cracks up. Seriously? Top secret government goons can’t think of a better signal than me and Robin? 

Hopper’s grip slides to the firearm at his side. He rises slowly. “Over here.”

Peeping between the foliage, Eddie can make out a limo-style saloon with blacked-out windows. A severe-faced woman in lethal stilettos climbs out. “Chief Hopper, I presume? I apologise for the delay. O’Sullivan’s got men everywhere. We must leave right away.”

Hopper, nevertheless, remains stood well off the road with Eleven, not rushing for the car. And Eddie? 

You make me sick.

Steve’s made it simple for him. He should cut his losses and take this chance of escape. Wayne would want him to. Apart from… Eddie literally can’t. What was it that Steve said? Oh yeah. That he was being stretched in the wrong direction. Or something along those lines.

Yeah, I’m feelin’ it, Stevie. 

Nothing supernatural, nothing hinky. You kill me that bad, Babe—even after you turned meanie-King-Steve and dumped me. Oh, and went back to goddamn Mordor without me! 

Gonna trust you had your reasons, and I’m coming anyway.

He turns on his dirt-clotted heels and flees as fast as he can.

Part 15

...

tags: @estrellami-1 @kal-ology @finntheehumaneater (thank you, thank you, thank you!) If anybody else would like to be tagged on this fic or any of my writing, please let me know :) Reblogs, comments and likes also very much appreciated :) Thank you for reading so far :)

(also part of my steve whump fic series on AO3)

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 15

[itsgrimeytime]

Magnolia in May (Part Seven) || Rick Grimes (TWD) x Greene!f!reader Regency AU

Part 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6...

Taglist: @loliakeoghan23 @belaballs

AVAILABLE ON AO3

Inspiration (in honor of Speak Now Taylor's Version): Enchanted by Taylor Swift.

Summary: Your town was small, not the smallest you knew, but anyone of high fortune was the gossip of the week. Predictably, Richard Grimes was a thing of whispers -rumors of a search for marriage among the grassy hills. You weren't one to buy into town gossip, but something about him... just seemed a little too intriguing.

TWS: kinda anti-Lori, misunderstandings, a marriage of convenience, and mentions of loneliness.

[[A/N: girllllll, not another Magnolia in May chapter!!! Whoops. And actually tagging bestie @imaginemyfavoritefics properly this time, bc I did use the idea of Daryl as the courier. Unrelated but this gif of him clenching his jaw... girl. Thanks for reading !! ]]

You'd taken to writing letters -the gentle swish of your quill was calming the storm of your mind. Originally, you had garnered a sort of cold from the walk in the rain and had to heal -now, you'd stayed holed up of your own accord.

'Nonsense, darling,' Headmistress had said, fluffing up your pillows, '-you must heal from a broken heart like any other wound.'

It was fewer letters and more of a sort of journal -only for your eyes to see but sometimes addressed to someone other than yourself. It started simply with one occasionally to Maggie to make her smile, or Beth to tell her things you'd learned so she wouldn't have to, or to remind Father to eat a meal when he'd been so focused on a patient that he'd neglect himself. But then, Mr. Grimes started appearing at the header.

You couldn't remember the first time it had happened, days rather blurred after that day -especially since you were treated shortly after. And rest was all you'd really gotten then, it made the passage of time blurry.

But it became something you were rather dependent on.

'Mr. Grimes,' you wrote in the first of its kind, quill rather fluid at this stage.

'I met your wife, Lori. She's a wonderful woman, kind and perfectly poised. I would, in a different life, maybe be friends with her -seems the type to be good company. Was it always her?

You've got something special, a family with beautiful children. It's every man's dream, is it not? You were my dream. I find it a bit hard to believe she would leave that dream behind. For what is more powerful than one's love for their child? I suppose there were other circumstances that I shall never be aware of. I would've liked to have known why. I understand it's a rather personal thing, but I should be urged to hear something of the full story. I might deserve it.

But I suppose you deserve a full family more. Carl and Judith do. I wouldn't fit in. I would love the best for them, despite not having known Carl, he seems a bright boy. Deserves much of the best in life, I'd garner all children do.

I often wonder if I am to have children. I suppose I could ask you for advice one day, if so. But there's something in me that speaks differently. Like that path with you is gone. Maybe I should run off to the city and write away, become focused on my education. Pay for my father's living, and house my sister's 'til they're wed.

I don't think I could, with good conscience, leave Alexandria. I'm far too fond of the people the town, its where I grew up. And I suppose, to keep my father's clinic running under the family name I may marry. I'm not too sure that I'd marry for love, per say. Can you begin the fall in love more than once? Is it possible? And furthermore, although it is something I wish for, I'm not sure that I would like to bring children into a loveless marriage.

This is getting far too detailed of my own troubles, and for that I apologize.

I truly wish your family well. Even if there's no room for me.

Yours Sincerely,

Y/N Greene'

It was a positive experience, mostly. The smearing on that letter particularly wasn't of cathartic tears. Not quite a release of the emotions dying so tightly within your soul, it was rather grief. Loss of a life that you'd never have. Despite it being the one you desperately wanted.

You sighed, stashing away the paper with the other ones -the second desk drawer to the right, under the math textbook that had been gathering dust even before you were born.

Sure, it messed your hands, but you found it was a small price to be paid for secrecy.

"Y/N, dearest," your Headmistress hummed -voice pounding up the stairs, "-get dressed and meet me at the door in 10, will you?"

"Yes, Headmistress," you echoed, off to your feet and only touching up ever-so-slightly by the mirror. And in your rush, maybe you had forgotten to shut the drawer -you couldn't know now. It stayed open, and the telling corner of dustless papers under a dusty book was certainly one to ponder over.

At least for someone, it was.

You wouldn't know what had occurred until a few weeks later, as you sorted out your joint closet with Maggie. Gathering bows and ribbons, and straightening dresses, was a wonderful way to pass time -since your newest book was seeming to be tucked away in the carriage. You truly could not find it anywhere-

And then, there was a knock at the door.

Now, normally, this was of no notice -either for Maggie (who had gone on frequent outings with Mr. Rhee since the ball) or Father (ranging anywhere from an old friend to an urgent patient). But this was one to put a pause in your mind.

Maggie was, in fact, out -you remembered the shimmer of the carriage as it pulled away, and Father was rushed off for an emergency. And even further, Headmistress and Beth had gone out to a sort of gathering -some sort of tea party, you'd assumed. (They'd invited you, but you'd truly not wished to hear the gossip. Especially not now.)

You stilled, you were alone here then.

Well, you considered -making your way down the steps, -could be a sort of delivery. Ms. Elisa did frequently speak with friends out of town -often through letters. And Father always had an extra copy of cases delivered to his home -so he could think properly on an issue.

Satisfied with that, you approached the door with newfound confidence -fear that had stubbornly stuck there was unfounded. You twisted a bit of fabric in your dress, just to do something with your hands before swinging open the door.

And, it was a familiar face. Not one you had a name to, but one you knew -the courier.

"Ms. Greene," he spoke, his voice gruff and tired, much less peppy than you'd seen him before, "-I assume?"

"Yes," you answered cautiously, "-I'm the eldest Ms. Greene, why? If you're looking for Maggie-"

"No," he answered, simply, long hair moving with the motion of his head, "-Mr. Grimes requested this be given to you, the eldest."

"I can't acce-" you started but fell shut as a letter was extended to you -two letters. One a familiar sort of coffee-tinged brown -paper old and weary, you could hardly believe the quill hadn't punctured right through really. And the other, neatly folded, a pristine sort of ivory, and dark ink that somehow didn't seem to smudge at all. On the side that was exposed to you was written: Ms. Y/N Greene, in handwriting you recognized.

The one that had scribbled across the invitation so long ago-

"Who are you?" you questioned -eagerly bringing the letters close to your chest, "-And how did you get my letter? Have you been in my home-"

"Ms. Greene," he spoke -composed and calm, unmoved by your pressing questions, "-they were presented to me to mail weeks ago."

You froze, something heavy dropping in your stomach, "They? How... How many letters were you given to post?"

"A stack, no more than 10," he responded, "-the youngest Ms. Greene, opened the door for me once to deliver an invitation. The same one I 'ave been for weeks- It ain't relevant, really. She knew where I came from, and requested I bring 'em to Mr. Grimes immediately."

You paused, "An invitation?"

"More like a summonin'," he clarified, rather poised but still somewhat a bit casual, "-it's always the same request for you, the eldest, to attend to the Grimes estate."

"What?"

He paused, "It's supposed to be brought to ya, upon retrieval but... I'd guess it hasn't."

"You've-" you exhaled -a deep uncertain exhale, "-Just how long have you been delivering these?"

"Lost count."

"And-" you stuttered, a bit overwhelmed, "-and the letters, my letters they-"

"I put 'em in his hand, myself," he spoke -an ordered sort of discipline heavy in his tone with a dose of familiar twang.

"Right," you swallowed -pushing down the nerves biting up your throat at such rampant pace, he was never to see those, "-and who are you exactly?"

"Grimes estate courier," he grumbled out, a some of bitterness gathered there.

"No, no," you quirked a brow at him, "-your name? I figured as much otherwise."

He answered, rather improperly -as if he was trained in some ways and ignorant in others just slightly, "-Daryl Dixon."

"Mr. Dixon," you echoed, a sort of curiosity in your tone, "-you said he received the full stack, did he not?"

He merely nodded.

"Well, why do I only have one, then?"

The man pondered it for a second, loosely eyeing the way you held the letters like he knew what they contained (maybe he did), "I suppose he ain't done replyin' to the others."

The rest of the interaction was fairly polite, mere questions about his work -to which he complained quite vividly about the extent of it, but never shred a wrong light on Mr. Grimes. You'd gathered they were well-acquainted, even perhaps friends from youth, but you couldn't exactly pinpoint it. He didn't say anything directly, and was rather quiet around details. Well, details pertaining to Mr. Grimes, you supposed.

You'd initially wanted to search for the invitations he spoke of, but something bigger was biting you.

Your hands were quick to rush to the drawer, pulling it open -to suddenly believe it was not real. To prove that all of this was a farce, that the letters were still safely kept. But, when you opened it, you could tell.

Even still, you pushed forward holding up the book, peering underneath. It was empty, extraordinarily empty.

"No, no, no-" you urged, heart sinking to the bottom of your stomach -heavy, "-it can't be..."

Private pieces of you, of your sadness, your longing- Sent to the married man of the header.

And just back as you pushed back in your chair, the brush of tears only a breath away -your eyes caught on the letter.

It was not yours.

Yours sat just beside it, you recognized it to be the first one -all sort of crumpled and agonizingly smudged. All conflicted feelings and harsh realities buzzing under your skin. You'd written it partially under the delirium of your illness, so it was rather brash but you'd never thought you'd need to worry about it. The only thing different was how it was presented.

You remember hastily shoving it away, between book covers, under table legs, hidden in the dirt of the garden, as you tried to find a good place to stash them. You'd always been so quick to put them away, to get out the feelings and move on-

Looking at it now, though, the worn paper was smoothed out (to the best it could be) and perfectly folded. Each corner matched to another and creases were indented lightly so as to not damage the written word. It was treated as precious. Something... Something he'd rather cared for.

Something told you then to get rid of it, to throw it onto the fire when no one was looking, to stash it away, to never read it no matter the cost because you were doing the right thing and should not be swayed-

But another part of you was dreadfully curious. And dreadfully grieving the loss of a man who still lived.

It was your mail, a letter addressed to you. Wouldn't it be rather rude to not read it? If you hadn't wished the first one to be mailed, you retorted, then no.

And yet, you found yourself picking up the note with the gentlest of graces. Carefully unfolding the thick paper, slowly, timidly, like the words would jump off the page. Like they could hurt you.

You supposed they could.

Once fully opened, you didn't directly focus on the words -instead, detailing the printed bits around the top edges. It looked as though this was an official sort of paper -the same kind an invitation may be extended to. As well as a family seal printed into the bottom right corner, it seemed a little formal for the occasion but you found it didn't bother you. Not really.

Taking a deep breath, you blinked your eyes -wishing to calm your heart, even just for a moment, and started reading.

'Ms. Greene,' it started, letters crisply written in a thin but precise sort of writing. Your finger naturally went to trace over them, dotting the i's and swirling the g's.

'I must first say that it's to my understanding that these letters are rather personal to you. You weren't the one who intended to mail them, I've come to know. I know that this then, by proxy, is a large invasion of your privacy.

And I can only hope you forgive me for such a thing. Because this is my sort of last resort to reach you. I'm sure you're familiar with the invitations that have flooded your door, and although, I understand the no response for what you know, I've become quite desperate.

To be completely clear, I was nearly on my horse to your home the morning these letters arrived. To explain everything as you deserve it to be explained.

I instead am here, writing letters. I cannot tell if that's any sort of better than my original plan was but it is the decision I chose.

In terms of Lori, the situation is rather complicated. Surely, at the young age we married, she was the plan. I'd honestly not given thought to the fact that she'd ever come back. I knew her reasons, and I fully doubted I'd ever see her again. And out of respect for you, I wish for the full story to be in person.

Despite all that, I truly wished she would. I know I did. If not only to see our children, to grace me with some sort of company.

I lived a rather lonely life before you Ms. Greene. Which may seem a bit arbitrary coming from a man with a staff, but it doesn't make it any less the truth. When she left, it was quite the scandal. I never spoke a word on it, too devastated to even imagine what to say. It meant much more reclusion, even from friends I knew from youth. And then, as I'm sure you're familiar, I decided to move back to Alexandria. Atlanta only harbored negative things, and I wished for someplace more pleasant. And it was, but still despite it all, the loneliness persisted.

So this family, this full family, you speak of, it's not what Lori and I would be. It wasn't what we were when we were married. I love my children, beyond belief, but I was still lonely. And I can't imagine a full family has a lonely father.

Frankly, Ms. Greene, I was lonely until that day in the marketplace.

And on the off chance you don't understand what I mean, I ask, from the depths of my heart, don't leave Alexandria.

Yours,

Richard Grimes'

[probssomethingorother]

🚨 NEW CHAPTER! 🚨

I said I was going to turn this out and I did! Whoop whoop. Unfortunately, I have done barely any review on it so good luck folks. Will go back and make fixes soon. Feel free to call out anything glaring/jarring. @eedsknees gave me the idea to include (SPOILER) some nightmare content, so they are lowkey responsible for jump starting the writing process on this one.

Back & Forth: a the last of us fic

post-episode 8 Silver Lake hurt/comfort

Ellie & Joel, both riding the struggle bus, canon compliant

Rating: Mature for dark themes, nothing more than the show

It was Joel who stumbled first. He had felt the strength seeping out of him with every step so viscerally it was like his body was a container with a slow leak. His gate would falter and his hand would slip further down her shoulder, power waning. He would cough in his throat and blink forcefully trying to reignite the spark of energy that had carried him to Ellie just hours ago, but it was all a losing battle. And eventually, he lost it. It was Ellie who moved first after that.

chp 1 | chp 2 | chp 3 | chp 4 | chp 5 | chp 6 | chp 7 | chp 8 / chp 8 |

chp 9 !!! YAY !!

read on Ao3 with the link above or below the cut, and remember comment where you can! <3

Chapter 9: (warning not proof read, will do that in the AM)

A lifetime ago, he was warned that raising a teenager - a teen girl at that - was going to be one of the hardest things he was going to live through. Joel had just started into the moody teenage years with Sarah before he lost her, they had their small arguments here and there, but really hadn’t quite hit that point where she was talking back, slamming doors, walking away, or giving him the silent treatment. Still, he had done all the mental preparation for the day his teenage girl would suddenly start putting him to the test, but he never thought in a million years that the teenage girl doing it was not going to be his Sarah. No, it was Ellie. 

Ellie, who had gone from pouting in silence on the couch to fitfully falling back asleep. From his spot a few feet away, Joel had first thought she was muttering under her breath, talking through something and trying to vent her frustrations, but then he noticed the way her body rose and sank rhythmically.  Still turned away from him, he couldn’t see her face to confirm, but after countless nights of looking over her while he took watch, he knew her breathing patterns like a parent knowing their child’s distinct cries. 

She was asleep, and deeply; unfortunately, it just wasn’t peacefully. 

For a long few minutes, Joel waited in the wingback chair, knee bouncing as he debated how long to let the restlessness go on before intervening. Hunched over with his arms on his knees, he wrung out his hands as he watched each one of her breaths and acutely listened in for what was slipping from her mouth, even turning his head so his good ear pointed more in her direction. 

Over the months together he had seen her have a few occasionally, but he had never woken her, and eventually, she did always settle. But now, this just felt different. She had been struggling in her waking hours, it seemed cruel to also let her suffer in her sleep.

“I’m not…don’t,” she softly muttered. The words were more distinct than much of the rest that had been coming from her, and the sense of desperation behind them was painfully evident.

Sighing, Joel stood up with a groan and silently moved closer to her. The blankets were still tightly wrapped around her, constricting her movements to small twitches of her body, clearly unable to manage anything more against the weighty fabric. Her hair splayed across the cushion and fell down her back, which just made Joel realize it now was fully out of its normal ponytail, elastic lost somewhere - maybe forever. In the soft light of the fire, her hair looked almost golden. However, it also meant its tangles and mats were highlighted, strands clumped and bunched in weird spots. 

“No….stop…no,” Ellie cried out again, still a soft and breathy slew of words, her body twitching again before settling. 

For a moment, it actually looked like she might be calming for good, heavy breaths petering out for a second; so Joel hesitated before making any further moves, hand lingering just above her shoulder. From above, he could now see more of her face. It was contorted with a tightness, brows pushed together and jaw clenched. It looked like she was trying to turn it more into the cushion, hide it away from something, but she could only push in so much into the fabric without smothering herself - even her unconscious body seemed to know that. 

Wherever she was, or whatever she was seeing, in her head, couldn’t be anything good. 

Suddenly, Ellie’s breathing hitched, a whimper escaping her lips, her eyes fluttering beneath her lids as she relived whatever terror she was experiencing. “Please…,” she whispered. 

The sounds tore at Joel's heart. 

Enough was enough. 

Taking a deep breath, he gently placed a hand on her shoulder, trying to shake her awake, “Hey…hey, Ellie. Wake up,” he murmured, voice thick with concern.

But his soft murmurs only seemed to increase her unease. Her breathing grew more rapid, each exhale punctuated by a soft whimper of distress. 

"Ellie.." Joel tried again, placing more pressure on her shoulder to tip her onto her back. Her body complied, and she was now supine, but that also only seemed to make things worse for her.  The whimpers started to get caught in her throat, her face screwing up like she was about to cry. 

"Kiddo, time to wake up," Joel said, a little more sternly as he brought a gentle hand to the top of her head in a small gesture of comfort. It was an old instinct, something he used to do for Sarah when she was too afraid to sleep- gently caressing the top of her head, brushing back her beautiful curls to lull her down. (He later learned she should be in a bonnet when she slept, hair tucked away, but oh well). 

He brushed back some of Ellie’s hair too, trying not to get distracted by how utterly dirty it was,  bits sticking together by something, making it feel almost crunchy. 

“Ple….don’t….that’s…you’re hurting mmm….” 

She sounded like she was talking to someone now, and just being in proximity to it made Joel riddled with guilt as if he was the one it was directed at. With another soft sigh, Joel’s hand trailed down her head, past her shoulder, and onto her arm, giving it a squeeze. The move was a bad choice. 

Ellie's body immediately jerked away from him, eyes shooting open in terror, as her arm flung out in a wild, blind attempt to get the touch off her. 

Her hand connected solidly with the most vulnerable part of Joel- her loose fist hitting his barely stitched-together stab wound, dead center.

Ellie’s hand was tiny, but even so, it fucking hurt so bad. Time seemed to freeze, the sheer intensity of the pain anchoring Joel in agonizing stillness before the sensation hit him in full, like a tidal wave. He saw stars, the bright flecks dancing in front of his eyes as every nerve in his body screamed in agony. It felt like a thousand needles were being driven into his side, radiating outwards in a hot, searing wave of pinpricks that washed through his body from head to toe. 

He stumbled back with an unstable step, knocking into the edge of the coffee table before trying to catch himself, only for his legs to do the opposite and give out beneath him. He crumpled to the floor with a deep pained groan, voice ragged and raw, landing with a thump. 

For a very long moment, the world seemed distant, muffled, as if he was underwater as he sat still on the floor, hands not even able to clutch at the spot, just ghosting above it. For that same very long moment, Ellie’s eyes stayed fixed wide, now with a different form of terror as she came to terms with what she had just done. Both rattled by the sudden change of events, everything became eerily still between them as the room turned scarily quiet.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, played on repeat in Ellie’s head, until finally she was was scrambling to sit up, blankets tangling around her, restricting her movements. With a frustrated groan, she yanked and kicked them away, tossing them angrily aside as she popped off the couch, desperate to check on Joel. 

She almost tripped and fell down too, feet getting caught up in the pile of discarded fabric on the floor. The stumble became a somewhat coordinated descent, and she dropped to her knees at his side. 

”Oh God, Fuck, fuck, Joel?,” Ellie stammered, her voice laden with guilt. She knelt anxiously beside him, hands hovering, unsure of where to touch, or how to help. His eyes were squinted, brow furrowed, beads of sweat already forming on his forehead. He looked as he did when she first put him on that dingy mattress in the basement, just constipated with pain. It made her want to vomit knowing she was now the one to cause it this time. 

Still filled with lingering anxiety from her nightmares, Ellie’s body was cracking under all the emotion, tears pricking at her waterline. She fluttered her eyes quickly, trying to get it to stop, but the longer she stared down at Joel the more she felt the tears threaten to spill over. 

“Joel? Dude..what- tell me what I can do,” she stumbled out desperately. 

Joel could barely register her voice much less what she was saying. A ringing in his ears was now taking over making everything just seem a bit staticky. His eyes wandered around the ceiling for a second before screwing shut, trying to stave off an incoming wave of dizziness. 

He couldn’t understand why it hurt so bad, why a hit less than a punch had literally knocked him on his ass. 

God fuck if she was able to do this, how was he going to defend them against anything if something did happen?

He groaned then, but from the thought of his inability not the pain. The pain was on a level that far surpassed groans. 

“Okay..okay just,” Ellie began, taking his shaky hovering hands and moving them away, “let me look. I’m sorry.. sorry.. sorry,” she finished, biting at her lip as she slowly tried to raise his shirt to see the damage she had caused. 

But Joel wasn’t going to let her feel bad for this. Certainly wasn’t going to allow her to make it her responsibility to fix him again. Absolutely not.  

Despite the waves of pain that threatened to overwhelm him, Joel managed to open his eyes. Through the haze, he saw Ellie's panicked face, her deep brown eyes wide with fear. 

She had barely gotten his shirt up, it sticking to him with dried blood. "S'okay," he rasped, bringing a hand up to push down the fabric and stop her before she could get much further. "Don’t," slipped out, although he had been going for “don’t worry.” 

Ellie stopped moving, but didn’t release the grip on his shirt, worried now that anything she would do would just make it worse. “I- okay - just what - how? What do you need?” 

Realizing his poor attempt at speaking before had only made her more anxious, Joel didn’t rush into replying this time. He took a long breath in and out, controlled through his mouth. It made his stomach produce a deep pain when his diaphragm filled and released the air, chest cavity rising and deflating. He pushed his head further back into the cold ground, trying to focus on a different sort of feeling than something beside his side.

“Just gimme…a second.” He pushed out, words complete and mostly steady this time. 

Ellie bit her lip, regret evident in her eyes. Releasing his shirt, and with a deep exhale she sat back on her heels, giving Joel space but still close enough to assist him if he needed. 

She couldn’t believe she had fucking hurt him. He was still fucking fragile and she really could have done some damage - she knew it. It wasn’t like she had given him world-class first aid in the first place. 

“Did I get your stitches?” She asked with apprehension. They were probably so fucked.

“Ellie.” Her name reverberated through the sparsely furnished room, the sound trailing out shakily from a  Joel. He might as well have just said, “shut up,” because somehow that’s what it sounded like to Ellie’s ears.  

Silence started and dragged on then for several moments as they both waited for Joel’s pain began to recede, neither moving much at all. Every so often there was a small sniffle as Ellie tried to bite back tears. 

Joel's voice, rough and filled with exhaustion, broke the monotony. 

“Already feeling better,” he offered, after the third sniffle. Ellie had been trying to hide being on the brink of crying, but there wasn’t much space between them for things to be going unheard. 

With a roll of her eyes and a huff, she wiped at them with the back of her hands.

“I don’t even know why I’m crying…I’m not a fricken crybaby,” she mumbled, clearly frustrated with herself. Joel hummed in agreement as he began to reposition himself, more focused on not causing himself any more pain than producing a reply to her. 

“Are you sure you’re okay? Cause you don’t look okay…” Ellie pushed anxiously, trying to get the focus back on him. 

“I’m fine. Just caught me off guard is all.”

They both knew that was a bit of an oversimplification and by the look on Ellie’s face, she wasn’t too happy with his attempt to brush this under the carpet.

"It wasn't your fault," Joel murmured, pushing himself to a sitting position with a wince. Every movement he made seemed to be a battle, a very annoying struggle against the pain that radiated from his side. "You were just reacting... to something else…. probably my fault anyhow.” 

Joel's eyes inadvertently flicked down to Ellie's bare thighs, the blue-black hues of bruises evident even in the dim light, as she knelt next to him. He had noticed them earlier, but the immediate crisis then had pushed the thoughts to the back of his mind. Now, they came flooding back, mind zoning out as his gaze lingered on the red flags that marred her body.

She had been reacting to something else. 

“I said don’t touch me motherfucker!”

Broken pants. 

“Don’t do it, please don’t do it.”

Scratches on her waistline. 

“you’re hurting-”

Begging, even in her sleep.

“Please don’t.”

"Quit staring," Ellie muttered with a hint of bitterness. Drawn from spiraling thoughts, Joel’s eye flicked back up to hers, filled with a genuine concern, and a bit of remorse. 

"I wasn’t—“ 

“You were," she cut him off, her voice filled turning to something else, a mix of exhaustion and defiance as she pulled down her sweatshirt the best she could to cover her thighs. It barely did a thing.  

”Let me see your side," she said, moving toward his shirt once more. He held out a hand, stopping her.

He wasn’t going to let her keep avoiding this. 

“Tit for tat - you wanna check on me, I wanna check on you,” Joel rasped, his voice carrying an edge of firmness, making it clear that this was really non-negotiable even if presenting it as such. 

Ellie’s jaw clenched. “I’m fine,” she said sternly. 

“You ain’t,” he countered, eyes again flicking down to her legs, purposefully this time, brows raised before he came back to meet her eyes. They were as terse as he’d ever seen. 

They darted away from his view as she muttered, "It's nothing,” her voice low, but Joel caught the slight tremor in it. 

“It ain’t 'nothing'," he pressed firmly. 

With an irritated exhale, Ellie rose as her eyes rolled. She stared down at him for a long moment before shooting her hand out for him to grab. 

Joel looked at it, and then at her, and then back to it. He hadn’t really anticipated getting up this soon, but he wasn’t going to deny the hand she was extending, metaphorical or physical. He hoped that despite the anger her face showed, the gesture was as much about reconciliation as it was assistance. 

Of course, he wouldn’t be so lucky. 

With more force than he thought she capable, Ellie helped him move to stand, pulling him vertically and giving him a tight grip to sink into it. She didn’t say a word about the heavy groan that ripped through his body during it all or the way his strong grasp made the cut on the side of her hand burn. She turned away her head from his as he made his way up, not wanting to meet his gaze, and not wanting him to see the way she was making her own body ache with the effort of supporting him. Head drooping toward the floor, she stayed by his side for a moment as he panted through the residual pain, bent at the waist just slightly his free hand on his hip. When he seemed steady enough, Ellie slipped her hand from his, giving it a little shake to rid the irritation in her fingers from his clenched hold. 

Marching back to the couch, she aggressively snatched the blankets off the ground and plopped herself onto the worn cushions with a glare and a huff, deliberately positioning the university quilts over her legs to hide it all away.  

“Fuck you,” she spat stoically as her body hunched down, arms crossing over her chest. 

It had flipped so easily inside her, the switch back to anger and frustration, that it was almost catching her own self off guard. Her stomach felt like it was hanging low, her muscles were all tense, her throat was aching to scream, and her body desperately just felt like picking up the closest thing and heaving it across the room. 

She bit the impulse back, stifled down the brewing aggression and frustration - but just barely. 

The last time she let herself get swept up in the same feelings a man’s head became sludge on the carpet. Ellie knew she wouldn’t do that to Joel - ever - but she also didn’t want to go anywhere near the emotions that she knew could fuel that sort of thing.

But, that was much harder said than done. And right now, her mind and heart were at odds, unsure of which was actually in control, but either way, one was telling her to make Joel hurt. To make him sad and angry. To make him feel the way she was suddenly starting to again. 

“You took off my pants.” 

The regret was immediate as she spat the words out with venom, but there was also a sweet satisfaction that came afterward, when the words hung heavy in the air, when the look on his face told her she had it - that soft spot inside of him, that protector persona - easily crushed. 

“Ellie..” 

She shouldn’t be doing this, not to him, none of this was his fault, but for some reason, she couldn’t make herself stop. 

“You wouldn’t’ve even known… I never said you could do that, ” she muttered, eyes narrowing.

The color drained from Joel’s face, and for a moment he looked as if he was about to topple over again.  He sucked in a long breath, a deep feeling of culpability settling in his heart. It was almost more painful than Ellie’s hand connecting with his wound just moments before - actually, he might prefer round two of that now, then this, or whatever this was shaping up to be. 

He knew what he did, knew it had been necessary, but it made him feel dirty all the same. She didn’t have to do much to bring out the guilt when he already felt ashamed. 

Slowly, Joel turned and eased himself into the wingback, taking up refuge in the same spot he had watched her battle through the nightmare earlier - a nightmare he was suddenly worried was somehow about him. 

Head low, forearms resting on his thighs, palms, and hands anxiously rubbing together, he ground his teeth back and forth, her screams echoing in his ears once again. 

A blip of his large hands encircling her tiny bruised wrists as he moved them away, came to mind, coming back to haunt him like he knew it would when had done it. He hummed at the thought, wondering for a second if perhaps he had done something wrong. 

Rushed through it, overstepped, and caused more harm than good. 

But then thought of how she was fading in and out, how she shaking - so badly - how her skin was like ice - might as well have been a dead body, cold like a corpse. 

Joel nodded his head up and down, convincing himself of what he already knew.

There were lots to feel guilty over, but this couldn’t be one of them. 

Anxiously, he raised his head and met hers, trying to read her face and not her words. Ellie’s expression was one filled with contempt, but her eyes held a completely different story - a kid broken and scared. 

She was hurting, and if the look in her eyes wasn’t enough, the bruises on her face and the blood splatter still staining her complexion were more than enough of a pointed reminder that Joel needed to tread lightly even if she was marching full steam ahead, raging at the world - at him.

She was doing this on purpose, pushing him, but he wouldn’t push her - couldn’t. 

He thought back to before, when he came rushing back into the living room fearing she had slipped away in the few moments he had taken to get the blankets. He remembered the small smile on her face when he made his way into her sights, and how she cracked open his heart with her candid confession:

“I’m always gonna come back.” 

“I like when you do.” 

Centering himself on that memory, and not her screams, Joel ran a hand down the length of his face before brushing it back and forth against the scruff of his beard. He let out a long sigh, a little worried he was about to say the wrong thing. 

 "I had to..." he began, his voice coming out more as a gravelly murmur than anything else. He stopped, swallowed hard, and tried again. "You were freezin’..." he said remorsefully, but pointedly, a statement of fact and an apology, side by side. 

Ellie nodded with a blank expression, purposefully trying to keep her face deadpan. She didn’t remember all that much, but she wasn’t stupid - logically, she knew that’s what happened. 

That hadn’t been the point of bringing it up. 

“You couldn’t do it yourself, so I had’ta.”

“I told you to stop,” she countered.

Truthfully, she still didn’t remember much of the whole ordeal, but bits were coming back slowly. There were some moments, vague, but there, she could use against him if she wanted - paint a certain image, true or not. All she could see was her arms and hands pushing against his, small fists banging against his forearms, yelling at him. 

Her gaze found the fire for a moment, landing on the red and orange licks of flames, just past his shoulder. 

Hands pushing against his, small fists banging against his forearms, red carpet, flames.  

“…I was yelling and you kept going…” she said, almost absently, head somewhere else for a twinkle of a second. 

She gulped down a growing lump in her throat as her eyes quickly flicked back to Joel, and with a few blinks cleared the images of him away. 

Joel opened his mouth to reply but shut it quickly, giving her a nod instead. She wasn’t wrong, but she wasn’t right either. 

In the very back of Ellie’s head, a small voice was screaming at her to not be an idiot. To stop whatever this was, now, before she took it too far. That he wasn’t him. That this is leftover aggression stuck inside, threatening to ruin something good. 

But she couldn’t. 

Her jaw clenched tighter as her eyes went hard and steely. Her head was really starting to throb again, and the hot feeling that had been in her gut was now starting to travel up her body, making her throat tight as it also ushered in a bit of nausea. 

She was seething so much that she was making herself sick from the intensity of it all. And for what?

She wiggled in her seat, hands going to grip the sides of the couch, knuckles going white, as she lowered her head to stare at the floor, wondering why he wasn’t getting mad like she thought he would.

“I know, you were..” Joel confirmed, hoping that not denying, or trying to belittle it would somehow make this better for her. 

He was able to see her demeanor going colder and colder with every moment she sat on the couch, coming to slow a boil like a pot on a stove.  Part of him did want to defend himself and go toe to toe with her - it was only natural - but a bigger part of him just wanted to gather her up in another hug and just never let go. Make her emotions quell, stop the roiling. 

"I know what your doin'..." he said, shaking his head, "I know you don't mean what you're sayin’."

"I - ah ..," Ellie stuttered, not expecting to be called out. ”Asshole," she said, trying to recover, albeit not strongly, before tumbling along, words spilling from her mouth.  “You’re an asshole, and you - if you gave a shit about me then, you wouldn’t have -“

“- Hey now…“ Joel interjected quickly, a grovel in his voice clearly revealing that his calm exterior was cracking away, her words now hitting him with a certain potency.  Ellie’s voice trailed off at the sound of his, focus going to watching the change in his body language, his shoulders tensing, eyes moving away, hand rubbing at his thigh. 

Of course, he gave a shit about her. After everything? 

She really wasn’t making this easy, and now the underlying guilt that still coursed in his veins - that was practically a part of him now - even though he knew it was misplaced - was turning to frustration, and frustration into precarious anger. 

And Ellie knew it too, and now she couldn’t hold back. She wanted to pry that spark of anger from behind his eyes and ignite it. Light it on fire like that fucking restaurant. 

“Would you have done that to Sa-“

“Enough.” Joel spat, jaw tight, eyes hard. 

Sarah. 

It was a low blow, even for Ellie.  

His heart was thumping in his chest, whooshing in his ears. He knew where the sentence was going the minute, it was coming out of her, and he couldn’t let it stand. He had sidestepped what she had been insulting the entire time - the dark impropriety of it all - because it was just so far from the truth that it wasn’t even worth playing into. But now, bring up something like that, almost accusing him, with his daughter…no. It crossed a line. 

With a deep inhale, Joel pushed himself off the chair the pain of it all buried monetarily under his own indignation, only a small wince escaping. The old wood creaked under him, the sound echoing the tension in the room. With a slow-paced stride, his leather boots thudded against the floor, the rhythmic sound resonating through the still air, each deliberate step echoing ominously. His fists were balled tightly as he sad and his face stern. 

Ellie watched as he got closer, content that she had finally pushed him over the edge. 

She hated herself, but not just for this. 

Coming to a still directly in front of her, he lowly began, “You don’t-,” he dragged in a long breath, “you don’t bring her anywhere in this….that ain’t right, and you know it.” 

His intention wasn’t to be intimidating - just firm, but standing above her as he was, was a little bit menacing.  Ellie gave him a slow nod, eyes looking forward, not up towards him. Her quickening pulse was echoing in her ears, mouth getting a little watery with apprehension.

Joel looked anywhere but down towards her, not wanting to show her any more anger than he already had let slip out. His fingers ran against his palms, still tightly screwed together, as his eyes wandered around the area behind the couch, scanning the kitchen, hoping to use it mundanity as a means to steady himself. 

Exhaling through his nose, Joel took a long step back, and then another away, turning his back toward Ellie. 

God, bringing his Sarah up like that, now. What was she thinkin’?

Drawing his head up to the ceiling, he called back to that feeling in his gut when he woke up alone in the basement. That feeling in his chest, when he thought he was about to find her body a the end of a trail of blood. That feeling in his heart, when she fell into his arm, scared as all hell. 

He shook his head. Ellie was his too. 

An oppressive silence stretched between them, the weight of unsaid words becoming almost palpable as Joel swayed back and forth on the balls of his feet, debating what to say, how to carry on. It was clear she was just lashing out, generally, but he couldn't let it all slide. Not that easily.

"Trauma ain't a hall pass" - Tommy told him that once. 

Sucking in a final long breath, hands going to his hips, Joel turned to face Ellie. 

“I know I wasn’t there. But I got to eyes. And I know somethin’ happened to you. And if this is  - was? - you tryin’ to make sense about that then, fine. Spit whatever you want at me, okay? Hit me, yell at me, I don’t care…I’ll take it.. I deserve that…cause that’s on me for leaving you alone.”  His voice was eerily steady, low, and coarse like how Ellie knew it when he was barking orders at her, way back at the beginning of their journey together. The tenderness that he had exhibited since coming back together seemed to be gone, even though his words painted a different picture. For better of worse, this was the Joel she knew. 

“But listen to me. I’m serious Ellie - Listen here.” Joel waited for Ellie to look up and meet his eyes. When she did so, he continued.  “Sarah stays far out of it.” 

Ellie didn’t make a move, a little stunned by the way he seemed to have his emotions under control, especially after she had expected so much more.  

He was going to end it at that, but a nagging voice in the back of his head told him he might as well dot all his ‘I’s and cross his ’T’s too. 

“And to be clear, I didn’t do anythin’, would never, do anythin’ to you- like what you were getting at.. makes me sick just thinking about it,” his tone was serious, yet his words danced around the hard topic like he wasn’t confident using the real words for it. His mouth turned down as the thought of it stayed in his brain, festering for a moment before fading out. 

The look in his eyes had Ellie swallowing back some guilt, tears even beginning to prick at her waterline again. 

Joel's hand came to his neck, rubbing away the much-accumulated tension, while looking around the room to search for something else to focus on. His eyes landed on her again - how could they not - and he paused. Blood, bruises, brewing with anger. He could fix some of that.

His eyes went to the pot of water still resting on the coffee table after all this time and then over toward the hallway.

He cleared his throat. “Now, I’m gonna go see if there ain’t something around here to clean you up with.”

It’s said with genuine care, but it's not hard to read that perhaps it’s also a distraction - a misdirection- to take away from the fraught way the conversation had come to a close.

Joel scooted past the couch with a slight limp, heading toward the hallway and out the room, leaving Ellie sitting alone.

[radigalde]

Fear level counting: Polo Club part 2

Upon getting to setting your own horse ready, giving it a treat at any point (except bad result of the accident) will lower your fear score with -1 per treat. And just as with Foreshadow, the option of giving the entire bag of treats at once is worse, as it gives only -2 fear regardless of how many carrots your horse munched down. Also, patting your horse won't lower the fear score, smh.

Once shit hits the fan and creepy noices start, you get mandatory +1 fear and additional +1 for fear phobia.

Walking to the sound (#Iiiiiii waaaaalk towards the soooooound. or its fucked up version) reduces the score with -1 but increases corruption.

Hiding or getting the fuck out of the trailer (#I hide in the tiny tack room. or #I dive out the back end of the trailer., both unavailable with active possession or greed vice) will increase fear with +1 because why not.

All while poking your head out to look closer (#I poke my head out the window to see what's really going on outside., unavailable with active possession or fear phobia) will somehow give you -1 fear. Don't choose this option though, as it gives a whooping +3 corruption, denial increase and instant possession.

During Pippa accident (see the guide for more details), bad outcome with dead Pippa gives +1 fear. There is an additional +1 unless MC is a paramedic, police officer, not-possessed with corruption score lower than 4, or simultaneously has low scores of sass (30 or lower) and sweetness (lower than 20).

Some may increase with even further +1 (and also increase corruption) by choosing to look at the incident scene afterwards (#I turn to look, there's nothing there I haven't seen before.), but this option has a lot of conditions to be pickable:

either be a paramedic or have the accident as your childhood have non-critical corruption score (less than 7);

don't have blood phobia;

don't have fear phobia.

Good Adrian's save with light injures (achievable if you fed Foreshadow but didn't gave him all your carrots) reduces your fear with -1. Note that this reduction works only if Adrian went to save Pippa without MC's help and didn't get too hurt in the process.

During post-accident conversation (only when Pippa isn't dead) asking about the strange shadow (#"Did anyone else see that strange thing on the hill?") and backtracking (#It was probably nothing at all, after all.) gives -1 fear but increases denial.

Saving Pippa with flying colors at your first attempt (#I loop the reins around my left hand and lean as far to the right as humanly possible as I reach for Enchanter Moon's bridle.) will reward you with -3 fear. It becomes -2 if you save Pippa on your second attempt, and -1 if it's Adrian who catches the horse reins after you fail to do so at your first attempt and back off.

Embodying a meme of it's-fine-dog after abandoning the chase (#Actually, what the hell am I doing? I drop back to a sensible pace and let Adrian attempt the rescue instead. followed by #In the end, everything turned out perfectly fine.) gives -1 fear and denial increase.

Ignoring Pippa accident (#I ignore everything else and keep my eyes riveted to the lurching void that shambles ever closer., the only available option if your fear score is 10 or more) will make further stat checks even harder by increasing the score with +1.

If Pippa survived her accident, returning to the trailer and untacking your horse gives mandatory -1 fear. If any of your carrots survived till this point, and your horse wasn't spooked too badly, you get to enjoy additional -1 (this time for all treats at once).

Helping Ash to clean up horses' shit gives -1 fear.

Being extra spooked (#Suspiciously look over everything in sight.) can give you -1 fear as well, but it requires medium sass (less than 71) and caution score (less than 6). On the other hand, it decreases your denial.

Checking the outside of the trailer gives +1 fear. You can kind of negate it with -1 fear during dicussion of wtf happened with the trailer if first you go with your crazy theory as the explanation (requires to create that theory in the conversation with Adrian at the start of polo route) and then choose #And on cue, on the count of 1, 2, 3… or #Somehow I sense that I only have to bide my time and wait to be proven victorious here. If you don't have any theory prepared, you can get the same -1 with a "reasonable" guess (#Yes… the impact from a car crash. That sounds perfectly reasonable.), but guess what: it increases your denial.

After the club, accepting the drink from Adrian with gratitude (#Accept the drink with a word of thanks. or #Accept the drink with a nod of thanks.) gives you -1. While vocal suspicion (#Stare suspiciously at the drink. "Yeah, no thanks.") gives +1.

[anotherfandomok]

Mid-Year Book Freakout Tag!

We're going to say tagged by @coulson-is-an-avenger for funsies

(so glad the weirdly formatted website I copy pasted these questions from did not fuck up the legibility of this post lol)

1. How many books have you read so far in 2025?

21! Though I am currently in the middle of three shorter books that I hope to finish in the next week or so.

2. What is the best book you've read so far in 2025?

It was never not going to be Sunrise on the Reaping. Like. DAMN.

The Uncontinented Stars by Haden Cross is solidly at number 2 rn though and I'm only about halfway through (that one is my slowest read since I read the og Moby Dick ha <3)

3. Best sequel you've read so far in 2025?

Because I feel like putting SOTR again is cheating I'm going to say Skandar and the Skeleton Curse. I REALLY feel like the series is hitting its stride here! The previous book was very frustrating to me, so I was over the moon to be so hype and invested while reading this one!! MAJORLY excited for the series finale which is OMG COMING OUT AT THE END OF AUGUST. FUCK.

4. A new release you haven't read yet but want to?

I've heard very good things about Portalmania AND OH MY GOD I STILL HAVEN'T READ CELESTIAL MONSTERS I'M SO SORRY AIDEN THOMAS I LOVE YOU. There are a lot on my list that came out in 2024! Omg and Der Katzenprinz! It shall go swimmingly w my Mighty Nein first ever watch when my library gets it on Libby!

5. Most anticipated release for the second half of the year?

Without looking up anything off the top of my head the Raven Boys graphic novel has been calling me like a siren since it was announced AND I Desperately need to get my hands on the new edition/version of The Outsiders coming out in September that has insights and info from the musical!

6. Favourite new author (new to you or debut)?

Honestly probably David Graeber! His book Bullshit Jobs was fascinating and so well written. Really eye opening (and the first book I finished this year, so it has really influenced my life perspective for the past five months!)

7. Newest fictional crush?

JOSS DOOMSDAY. From The Secret Lives of Country Gentlemen by K.J. Charles (y'all I accidentally read a smut book and got so fucking invested in the plot and characters it was wild I was telling all my friends and they were all appropriately shocked). Truly aside from all the horny/sexual parts I think that man is perfect.

8. Book that made you cry?

Technically the only book that's made me cry this year is SOTR, BUT I did cry when I went to see a production of the Tuck Everlasting musical and I reread that book this year and really really loved and felt it, so <3

9. Most beautiful book you bought this year?

Definitely the new K O'Neill A Song for You & I which I haven't opened yet but NEED to !! I couldn't resist getting it from a local bookstore and that was the first time I've bought a book new in AGES (I usually do library book sales and used bookstores). This year I also bought The Great Big Treasury of Beatrix Potter which is 😍😍.

10. Book that made you happy?

Recent ones are Rose Wolves by Natalie Warner and Godfather Death by Sally Nicholls! Both were very short and extremely beautiful!

11. What are the books you need to read by the end of the year?

Truly the list is endless and I HAVE to hone in/lock in! (I accidentally went over my arbitrary limit of having 1000 books Officially on my to-read list and then I had a crisis when I realized how large of a number that is haha!) My goal for the year is 65 and I think I can do it, but I really want to focus more on books I own! I need to finish my reread of The Odyssey and I REALLY want 2025 to be the year I finally read Frankenstein! I have a pile of play scripts under my bed that I got from SETC when I went (2 years ago whoops) that I'm hoping will get me motivated to write another play since it's been too long!

Shoutout to the Storygraph for helping me keep track of everything if y'all don't use it you shouldddd it's like my favorite app on my phone other than Pokemon tcg (and tumblr lollll)

Tagging @kkorny @affableadversary @sophsaysstuff217 (thanks for always being in my notifs mwah!) and anyone who wants to do this!!

[recurring-polynya]

I have faith that in the Kemmer became a popular fanfic topic universe someone would have asked you to do one and you'd have knocked it right outta the park the way you did hanahaki and written a really thoughtful piece about Renji adjusting his protein shake recipe to support the fetus Rukia put in him which is also a metaphor for the way he adjusts the way he behaves to fit into seireitei without while still being entirely Renji about it.

Thank you for your (probably misplaced) confidence in me! Every day I get notifs about my LHoD post and I will be honest: I have never, for one second before now considered anyone writing one for Bleach or how it would work and certainly not me.

First and foremost: because of its climate, Gethen had very little in the way of meat animals or animal products, so there wasn't a lot of protein in their diet. They ate, like, 5 meals a day and it was mainly breadapples. How am I supposed to work with this?? Oh, I just remembered, in the part where they are traveling over the ice they had some sort of calorie-dense food-substance called "gichy-michy." Christ, I hate this alternate timeline where I keep having to look up how to spell "gichy-michy" because I keep forgetting. (I say, as if I don't have to look up "Junrinan" every single time because I always want to put the r where the second n is)

I finished the book over a month ago and my brain has already moved on to other things, but as I recall, I don't think there was a whole lot societal role for the other parent, the way we regard fathers. Gethen favors communal life. Plus, since pregnancy could happen to anyone, they prioritize maternal care and accessible daycare and have a lot of respect for moms. The father might act as an additional caregiver, particularly if the parents have vowed kemmer, but I don't think it's a given and I don't think there's a stigma for single parenthood. Which isn't to say Renji, in particular wouldn't have a bunch of weird feelings about getting knocked up by Rukia, but it wouldn't be, like, culture-driven.

I think what would happen in my terrible Renruki Kemmer AU is this: 1) Byakuya is probably a huge weirdo about kemmer and always goes off into seclusion and meditates his way thru it 2) the Clan is so mad about this and keeps bothering him, 3) Rukia is like 'maybe I'll just make an Heir for him and take it off his plate HEY RENJI 4) whoops the genders went the wrong way 5) double whoops Renji did get pregnant which is no good because it's his child of the flesh, so ::shrek "they don't even have dental" meme:: it's not even a Kuchiki Heir 6) i mean. it's good for Renji. everyone knows he's gonna be a great mom and also really enjoy having a kid 6a) everyone also knows who did the knocking up but won't say it out loud. 7) everyone is really happy for Renji both for reason 6 and 6a 8) not Byakuya who is so so so judgmental that his sister knocked up his lieutenant and now he can't spar and do other assorted lieutenant things but B can't say anything because of shifgrethor* 9) i dunno Rukia is emotionally constipated, wants to ask Renji to vow kemmer but doesn't feel like she should something something shifgrethor angst 10) girl (gender neutral) get over it you know he's wanted to vow kemmer to you since you were both like ten ghost years old

*For the non-LHoD-heads, shifgrethor means "shadow", as in "the shadow you cast", and it's a form of honor that is the very foundation of Gethenian interpersonal relationships. It's only ever vaguely defined and the POV char of LHoD frequently admits that he does not understand it on more than the barest surface level, but the one important facet the book harps on is that it is super rude to give someone direct advice. I am pretty sure that Byakuya would explode in these circumstances.

I want to lie to you and tell you that the fanfic would be like 98% Kuchiki shifgrethor bullshit, but you and I both know that's bullshit. I would just really lean into the smut aspect of it and it would be like 10k words about Rukia being super into Renji's kemmer-tits.

btw, people in the notes of the LHoD post also keep bringing up sedoretu, which is Ursula's four-way marriage situation from a different story where you have one opposite-gender spouse you can fuck, one same-gender spouse you can fuck, and one opposite-gender platonic spouse that you canNOT fuck, and I think Ichihimerenruki could really make this scenario work.

[heartstringsduet]

Thanks for creating this Weekend WIP ask @welcometololaland . Guess who's not just wide awake at 5 am and half-blindly misunderstanding this is not a ask game but a fill-in thing? OOPS. SORRY thanks for tagging me @rmd-writes @alrightbuckaroo @lemonlyman-dotcom For Writers

1. WIP List: First Aid (Lying fools trying to fix the other)

Let Me Part 5 (D/s verse) TK turning 30 collab with @strandnreyes New Year's Day (meeting over and over on new years) Fathers (daddy issues the fic) 5 things Carlos isn't good at Christmassy short?

2. Which of your WIPs is currently the longest? First Aid. 120k that might be cut down or...expanded? but like 100k for sure will end up published.

3. Which WIP do you expect will end up the longest? See above. Want to take some time away from more than 50k projects after this. Good luck Michelle.

4. Which WIP is your favourite to write/the most enjoyable to write? Why?

Right now TK turning 30 is a wonderful reprieve because it doesn't really have a plot and I love written character deep-dives. But also, seeing the finish line of First Aid really made me sit down and enjoy writing it again.

5. Which WIP do you find the most intimidating to write? Why?

Ugh don't want to be a one-trick pony but First Aid has a lot of things that intimidate me. Like making both of them recognizable despite some very different circumstances for them. But also keeping all plot-points and the pacing and the OCs consistent and in line? UGH.

6. Which WIP do you experience the most self-doubt about. Why? See above. Added pressure for me thinking no one will like it because it really does have flawed characters and a lot of lying and back and forth and drama baby drama. Maybe people won't like the finished thing as much as the snippets. Maybe I will be disappointed by the response.. Maybe maybe maybe

7. Which of your WIPs will you seek out a beta/sensitivity reader for? Why? For longer fics or fics that mean much to me I do ask betas and they are TREMENDOUS helps and just a joy to me. I am in awe of all of you, taking the time to help make something shine more. <3 Still considering asking someone to sensitivity read First Aid but feel like 120k might a bit too much to ask of someone. So maybe I will ask for feedback once I update instead and hope I don't offend anyone and am open to criticism. Or maybe if you read this and want to be a sensitivity reader particularly for representation of Latino characters, would love that <3

8. Have any of your WIPs been struck by the curse of writer's block? Oh some have been on hiatus more like. like the 5 things Carlos can't do or the Fathers one. I really like what I have there so far but then other projects get in the way. First Aid definitely had some writer's block moments so I wrote other things like Let Me in between.

9. Which WIP has your favourite OC? Tell us about them?

Well, First Aid has a few OCs actually and none of them totally the ones everyone will love. But I do like writing Arturo, as a cousin to Carlos, even if he definitely won't be liked much.

10. Which WIP is the sexiest?

Let Me series for sure. That's just where the 5% sexual frustration I feel a year goes lol.

11. Which WIP is the angstiest?

First Aid is like a dark pool of angst. Whoops. Let Me isn't without its fair share of hurt/comfort though.

12. Which WIP has the best characterisation (in your humble opinion)? Fathers. I try to be very close to the source material to explore the relationship of TK and his father and Carlos and Owen through the lense of Carlos and how it changes over time.

13. Which WIP has the best scene setting (in your humble opinion)? My weaknessss. I guess First Aid though. Trying to do some of New York justic,e but ultimately won't probably.

14. Which WIP have you worked the hardest on?

Well for the sheer length and plot and time: First Aid.

15. Which WIP do you have the highest expectations for? Why? See above and see my doubts about First Aid. 😶

16. Do you dream about any of your WIPs?

I WISH. I wish I dreamt about people other than my former high school friends?

17. Do any of your WIPs have particular complexities that your other fics don't? The new part of the Let Me series deals with grief and self-harm in a very specific scenario of being in a relationship with Dom/sub dynamics. I think that's fascinating and I wanted to write that part for a while.

18. Which WIP is the funniest or has the most humour? Did i mention the angst part? But I guess 5 things Carlos isn't good at

19. Do any of your WIPs contain outside POVs or a deep dive on a character other than the main ship? How are you finding that process? Yes! TK turns 30 is actually about so many relationships TK has outside of the romantic one. I LOVE that. Since I have more experience with friendships than even family ties, and deep-dive into my own psyche way too much, I think this one is really challenging and fun.

20. Tell us one thing we don't know about one or more of your WIPs.

I ave like 10k minimum of First Aid that is all different versions of the characters and scenarios that make no sense anymore. Also, coming up with 5 fun things Carlos can't do wasn't that easy. he is TALENTED. I tag @decafdino @ambiguouspenny @carlos-in-glasses @cold-blooded-jelly-doughnut @lightningboltreader @noxsoulmate @chaotictarlos @louis-ii-reyes-strand @carlos-tk @ladytessa74 @freneticfloetry @orchidscript

[m1d-45]

on a scale of 1 to 10 — 1 being the least and 10 being the most — how confident are you in surviving an imposter sagau situation?

short answer: i, a non-native in terrain i’ve only ever navigated with 1) a glider 2) no fear of death 3) via a vessel 4) with a map, against various well trained armies, all hellbent on killing me? you’re funny.

now, the long answer…

the long answer, of course, depends on your preferred brand of isekai, as well as the various traits within that. i will… attempt at brevity, but cannot make promises. oh, and there’s no particular order to this list.

1) blood. i myself am more inclined to blue over gold, but that doesn’t matter for this topic. what does matter is if its present and if it manifests immediately.

2) teyvat. is the earth on my side? do the plants and animals know it’s me, or do i need to ‘prove’ it? does it resent me for whatever reason? what’s it’s level of influence (which sounds dumb, but do i have the power of earthquakes and storms or just a few animal helpers?)

3) the imposter situation itself. is there a physical imposter already there,and if so what’s their level of influence? origin? i’d rather go against a wayward traveller than celestia’s puppet. do they have powers? how does teyvat react to them, if at all?

4) speaking of, celestia. are they on my side, the fake’s(if there is one), or staying neutral? what brand of sagau are we even using here? i know i made a post about my version of sagau lore, but one of the key changes since then was celestia. what version of lore are we following?

5) teyvat’s people, emphasis on vision wielders. do they have that subconscious Know? do their visions act up? how do the people overall feel about the one on the throne, if there is one? if there isn’t, is celestia involved in their opinions somehow? what about the traveller, or my vessels?

6) my influence. what can i do? do i have creator abilities, and if so do they take time/some other cue to manifest? is it something i train, or just Click one day? what level? is it an element by element basis, like the traveller, or does that not apply to me? do i have an inventory? if so, can i access the character menus? the map? waypoints? can i move my party, still? do statues of the seven heal me, does food heal me, how do hillichurls and various abyssal beings react to me? ancient gods, such as rhodea (i spelled that wrong) or dvalin or that fucker in the sea outside liyue (yeah i. forgot his name) or azhdaha or yo(u?)kai, if i’m in inazuma? where are we in the in-game lore, by the way?

7) teyvat, again, but this time in terms of biology. i have a few headcanons about teyvat, notably that their gravity is lesser (less fall damage), weather less severe (global warming), and is overall much more temperate/cooler/less humid (global warmingx2 and also just a touch of idealism), so do these apply? this ties into the other points about teyvat, i guess: does the earth let me get cold? can i just shelter in dragonspine?

8) plot armor, for lack of better phrasing. will teyvat let me die? oh, and do i get timeloop’d, or kicked back to my world? do i die, go to my world, then go back to teyvat when i sleep/next log on/whatever? again, tying into other points about teyvat, but will it protect me from death? is my skin like impenetrable or something, or whoops, god is dead, sorry. if i revive in teyvat, is it like that one recent piece i did where the earth moves me? what happens when (if?) i die? does teyvat take revenge?

the long answer… is that it depends.

[dgcakes]

Tagged by @hypermoyashi and @ectocosme

Rules: Go to your (current/main) AO3 account and find the following:

What ratings do you write most of your fics under?

Of the 30 presently up:

1. Teen and Up (13)

2. General (8)

3. Mature (6)

4. Explicit (3)

What are your top three fandoms?

So because my everything is all over I am going to have to go with

1. Dragon Age 2 (5) and Fire Emblem Three Houses (5)

2. Scum Villains Self Saving System (5*) and Mo Dao Zu Shi (5*)

3. Ace Attorney (4)

The count for fe3h is about to jump in a weekish, just not posted, and technically there are some dragon age fics I dropped or removed so they tie as "officially five but technically more"

As for scum villain and MDZS, they tie because they are 5 but technically actually 4. I have 5 fics for mdzs but one is just the explicit chapter from another fic pulled out on its own to adjust the rating. And for scum villain one is an unfinished role-play with a friend we edited to post for fun and is kinda handwave.

What is the top character you write about?

From my fics posted? My Hawke (Aeyin). :3 technically my Byleth (Tate) appears in the same number of fics but she is minor appearances in 2 but Aeyin is major in all 5

Ferdinand and Hubert are going to be jumping ahead in the rankings soon tho whoops

What are your top three pairings?

1. Fenris/M!Hawke (4/5 fics posted)

2. Klavier Gavin/Apollo Justice (4/4 fics posted)

3. Edelgard von Hresvelg/My Unit Byleth (female) (3 fics major, 2 fics minor appearances tho I gotta fix the tags for them cause I kept debatihg if they appear enough to tag)

Again, certain couple about to jump the whole line whoops

What are the top three additional tags?

So what I learned here is I'm a super inconsistent tagger oops

1. Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence (13*)

2. Happy Ending (8)

3. Fluff (6)

So uh big caveat, i tag alternate universe plain or alternate universe - something a lot. So if I added all the times I actually bothered to tag some form of it, it's actually 19. Out of 30

Also yes all my fics have happy endings but I only tagged it 8 times apparently

If I include fluff & smut, and fluff & angst, the combined tags, fluff jumps up to 9 and 2nd place

Does any of this surprise you?

The distribution of fic counts does!!! Literally almost all are at 5 fuckin fics or 1. There is exactly 1 in-between and that's tgcf at 2.

Also how inconsistent I tag omfg Deeg why

I'm not tagging anyone, this was hard enough to edit on Mobile. Please feel free if it looks fun

[draconixiaa]

tired but i'll do a bit of this (will be a bit rambly:D)

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

24,, wow not bad

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

165.5k wow thats a lot,, most of it comes from one tho; everything else are shortfics

3. What fandoms do you write for?

DSMP and ive just started a bit of genshin at the behest of my Tartaglia-obsessed irl and he's kinda cool but like for 95% of my other fics its all cdream ahahahhh(dies)

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

"Consequences" tops the charts obviously bc its my one and only longfic and it was written during the peak of dsmp and man id link it bc i love my storyline (cdream obviously gets messed up in prison but then gets a healing arc) there but at the same time i feel like the writing had too many grammar mistakes and could be better so nahh

"North Star to Freedom" is one im actually really proud of, like obviously the writing could be better bc ive improved, but i just like it and id deffo rewrite it too if i had time or steal it into an original fic (premise is that cdream escapes prison with the rebibe book and oh lord my lingo anyways (spoilers) he dies and he gives techno book)

"Persevere" is third, wow that's a long time ago, its alright, i like it in general, but it feels almost cheesy. idk. i like it, but i dont like it. its not mixed feelings, but eh. anyways, something about cdream getting captured by the egg which is about to take over the world but he sacrifices himself to cleanse it. the most acute thing i rember about it is that its a 3parter

"Coup de Grace" ok wth i didnt expect this to be on there it was a small little cdream suffering in prison and cphil comes over, sees him in pain, and cough relieves him of it, and i dont like the writing in a specific part of it, but i like it in some other parts, so eh

"turn the claret tides" whoops i forgot what this one was about ok i glanced through the doc its ctechno getting cdream out of prison wow that title was really vague but he gets the letter and things went on.. it was inspired by another fic and happened during the hype of the prison arc which is kinda cool

(man im looking at the amount of fics i want to rewrite but it aint happening sadge)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Sometimes, most of the times nowadays, if it particularly made my day or it has something deep and insightful or literally makes any observation on my fic. sometimes im just too tired to answer,, maybe laziness is a part of it too, but i stare and its like,, i cant generate a response . but nowadays, i do it most of the times bc i appreciate my commenters :D

6. What’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

my recent fics mostly have happy endings, but all my pre-like, mid 2023 fics were all sad sad sad. they all ended in cdream dying, one way or the other. so idk which ones the saddest now its been too long,, the one i personally think is the saddest is one that i like, was listening to sad music to, the song being 'sociopath,' an orchestral piece (or was it piano?)

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

consequences

8. Do you get hate on your fic?

once on consequences bc that was max cdream apologists vs inniters era

9. Do you write smut?

nop never ever ever

10. Do you write crossovers?

dream + tartaglia is one i wrote in fudging october that i am still trying to find time to continue

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

prob not, if there is, then i wouldnt know of it

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

nope, if there was, i also dont know of it

13. Have you ever co-written a fic?

wow thats crazy that i havent, but idk, teamwork and coordination just go meh when i only share my interests with online people

14. What‘s your all-time favorite ship?

idk i dont do ships but my fav friendship is dream + techno or dream + punz

15. What’s the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

all my chapter continuations except the tartaglia + dream one i Need to finish that. but also the palace of stone idea will Never Ever get written

16. What’s your writing strengths?

descriptions idk they go lengthy but ive practiced with them a lot so ive gotten kinda good

17. What’s your writing weaknesses?

dialogue, pacing, idk literally everything, i can prob improve on anything and every aspect of my writing rn, and i just need to practice more

19. First fandom you wrote for?

DSMP lmao

20. Favorite fic you’ve ever written?

consequences i love the storyline + ending of that one even if the writing couldve been better

uhh tagging? idk if theres anyone that doesnt overlap wiht people whove been tagged b4 les see: @milktearosethorn , @victoriacoffee , ,, oh theres only two ok well, have fun if u decide to do this!

[sucrosette]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

1. How many works do you have on ao3?

28, 32 if you count the MCU fics I am not particularly proud of. But some people seem to like them, so they stay.

2. what's your total ao3 word count?

266,092 - I probably have a good 50k+ in sitting in my wips.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Genshin Impact, BSD, VLD (but only klance), the Wolfstar corner of HP, and BNHA. Also, I'm planning to write for Carry On for Carry On Countdown this year. At some point I’d like to write for kingdom hearts and sk8. (Previously MCU but as mentioned that's been long abandoned.)

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Whoops, There Goes My Heart (T, 38.4k)

Iced Coffee is Not Supposed to be Spicy (E, 11.1k)

He Makes Me Bloom (E, 30.5k)

Rosé & Bubblegum (E, 11.3k)

Make This Home Yours (E, 10.8k)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yes! I like engaging with my readers, sometimes I'm just very slow. Or like in the context of a wip, I don't always respond until I'm ready to post the next chapter. Which can be very quick or very slow, depending.

6. What is a fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

If Love Was Labeled Poison (E), definitely, easily, by a mile. It's a wip, but it was originally written as just this first chapter. And its ending is heartbreaking. And it's still not gonna be the happiest ending when I post the following two either.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Most of my fics have happy endings, so just a fic that's extremely precious to me in its healing feelings: and it was enough (T)

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I wouldn't call it hate. There have been a couple weird comments I've deleted since entering VLD's fandom space about headcanons but I don't think it's hate. Just people being kind of asses. And in general it doesn't bother me, most of the comments I get are glowing.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

So much smut. Very kinky, queer smut. No one is hetero and no one is cis. I generally try and tag dynamics and kinks used though so no one gets jump scared.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

No. I mean, I've thought about it, but in the end, I just end up pulling elements from what would be the borrowed setting for the characters I want to write for. I'm not generally the sort who would dabble in crossover character interactions for longfic. Maybe in a silly drabble, if someone requested some of my favs.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I'm aware of.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes, but I'm unsure if those translations are still available somewhere.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

A long, long time ago, in a galaxy far away, before the time of ao3. But not since. I do have a couple ideas with one of my partners that we might hash out eventually.

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

Honestly? I love all my ships, I couldn't exactly rank them and it depends entirely on my mood. But, if there's one ship I'll always come back to, it's probably tddk, it's my comfort ship, they're always there for me. I have written exactly one fic, but they mean a lot to me. I'm going to write them more. (On that note, please give The Tea Shoppe at the End of Time (T) some love).

15. What's a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

I don't think I have one. I know I have some old wips, but I do plan to go back and polish them up and finish them out.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I'd say... probably emotionally evocative imagery and metaphor, I think? I'm very much a smut author, but I think my imagery deserves note. Probably also snarky dialogue I love me some snarky ships.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Fight scenes. Yep. Fight scenes.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I like it, I support it, sometimes I do it. It can feel very intimate, but I try and have a native speaker double check my work, and always leave translation notes for my readers.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Oh, if we reach way back when... Probably Yuyu Hakusho or One Piece. But who knows where those ran off to. It was before ao3 times. I wasn't even an adult.

20. Favorite fic you've written?

To be honest, I can't really pick a favorite. But if I had to pick a writing I've done I think people should read (that I haven't already mentioned) I present Pettiness in Portraiture (E). Mind the tags, it's fucking rough.

[magnaflourious-nerdity]

Nie huaisang is exactly my kind of blorbo because he meets all of the following criteria so important to me:

1. Himbo vibes (these vibes do not need to be reflective of the actual place on which the chosen character falls, he just must exude the vibe)

2. Pathetic ( I am a bisexual woman. I have pathetic men and women who can kick my ass like genetically coded into my type profiles, deal)

3. Good at crying(self explanatory. If you've followed me long enough, ypu know)

4. Not made for the world he was born into (sensitive, a painter, does NOT want to train, tiny bird loving childe despite growing up on giant masculinity mountain)

5. Something's off with him (I like straightforward characters I do, but there's no denying the appeal of a clever disguise, a secret reveal, something behind what you normally see)

6. Fan (that's it that's the whole reason. It's a cultivation show and the fan characters are like 9/10 times the best ones, deal.)

7. His journey not only parallels and foils the villain AND the Heroo, it also reminds me so strongly of the Count of Monte Cristo that I can't help but latch on since that's one of my fave classics

8. The fact that literally none of this would have happened without him (we love a sidecharacter who turns out to be a Lynchpin)

9. Emotional Time bomb (tragic backstories, smiles and foolishness hiding inner anguish, repressing everything so as not to deal with it, whoops babe if there is a way to my heart, give me a break down, make thwm lose their collective shit when least expected, and I will come a running)

10. Wardrobe!! (His is, to me, the most thematic and dynamic of all the costuming and it really speaks to him as a character and his background and where he is mentally. There's a great post that I can't seem to find, that goes into its thematic symbolism more, but the clothing he wears is meaningful and foreshadows so much an I love that for him)

Bonus reasons:

-Pretty

-Drama Queen

-A fool (ostensibley)

- Honestly this one is just that Ji Li FUCKING KILLED IT. (His acting esp in that finals scene of fatal journey, and towards the end of the show was so...ughhhh no wonder he is dorector Nie)

- loyal to a literal character fault

-BRAIDS!!!!!!!

-and of course: